#i got a headache from all the emo music i listened to drawing this

[musturd-artposts]

❤EBONY FEBRUARY - DAY 2: BLOODY GOTHIC ROSE 666❤

OMG ALMOST DIDNT GET THIS OUT IN TIME.........I SHOULDVE STARTED EARLIER

oh well i love this band

i imagine this is their first album when it was only ebony, diabolo and b'loody mary

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #447-448

(one from yesterday, one from v early this morning)

How did you and the last person you kissed start talking? By both being meerkat RPers on YT back in the day. Do you think someone is falling in love with you? Definitely not. Do you have a bad temper? Nah. What was the last song you listened to? SOBS "Suteki Da Ne" from FFX. If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? Hell yeah. She actually has been my substitute teacher before, as she worked at my elementary school with the special ed kids. Are you comfortable with people going through your phone? No. I have nothing to hide on there at all, but still... I just don't like it. Do you really care about what toothpaste you use? So long as it's mint-flavored, no, I don't care. Would you like it if the whole world spoke one language? I mean, I think it's pretty inarguable that that would be a beneficial thing. For all humans to understand each other, like in dire situations where information needs to be brought across. However, I don't believe we should actually try to change that now with so many languages already developed. That would be way, way too big a task and not that important. Would mind-reading really be a blessing or a curse? I'd find it more to be a curse. Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? Nah. They just don't interest me as pets. Do you tend to daydream a lot? If so, about what? Yeah. .-. About a lot of stuff... How I want my future to be, things I wish would happen, how I'd change past errors... What shop/store/brand would you model for, if given the choice? I would 110% model for Cloak if for whatever miraculous reason they wanted me to because a bitch supports her favorite human asdkfajkwle. I'd totally do some goth modelling for Rebel's Market, too. Do you actually read your friend’s surveys, or do you just copy and paste them and fill them out yourself? I read my friends' answers, yes. I like learning obscure things about them. Which is your favorite episode of I Love Lucy? Bar none, the "Vitameatavegamin" one. It's fucking hilarious, man. I love that show. Do you consider yourself a deep thinker? WAY too deep. Name two people who you are closest with? My mom and Sara. Which one of those two people would you eat first, if you were starving? Neither. I would absolutely rather die. No one cares whether or not you believe in love at first sight… but, do you believe in hate at first sight? Well, let's be real. If you witnessed someone being abused or raped or something like that, wouldn't YOU hate the villain immediately? I sure as hell would. When you were a kid, which comic strip was your favorite? I didn't care for those. How do you feel about fake plants? They can look good, they can look tacky, and they make great additions to some animal enclosures, like reptiles and bugs, for cover and new textures. Does it make you uncomfortable when people ask you your shoe size? Er, no? Would you feel guilty about cheating on your taxes if you got away with it? Yes. I tend to have a guilty conscience. Are you happy with your weight? NO. Do you go to church? If so, do you actually pay attention? No. When I was forced to go as a kid, I never paid attention. As a very young adult when I super rarely went, I would try to, but my attention definitely wavered. Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced? Tongue, if it just didn't damage my damn teeth. :( I miss my snake eyes. Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? It's very embarrassing, but yes. A few years ago, I had this very strange period of premature incontinence when I slept. I had to be put on some medication and a schedule to wake up in the night to use the bathroom. It oddly just... vanished as randomly as it started. Had any surgeries? What kind? I had tubes put in my ears as a baby, and then at the start of 2017 (I think), I had to have a cyst removed from my butt. :^) Ever told your parents you hated them? I've told Dad that, yes. Are you sober? Yeah. Do you have a crazy side? Not really, no. I'm boring. Do you have siblings over the age of 18? All of my siblings are. Do you think that downloading music illegally is immoral? Yes, and yet... I do it anyway. :x Have you ever sworn at a policeman/woman/cop? No. How far do you agree that the mother is more important in a child’s life than the father? I Don't agree with that. Would you ever let one of your children enter a beauty pageant? If they were old enough to make their own decisions, I'd have no say. But as a little kid, no. I do not support those damn things. What was your favorite Pokemon as a child? Charmander! :') Do you have a favorite name? What is it? Alessandra. It's so beautiful. What was the topic of the last assignment/essay you wrote? Toxic masculinity. I got SO into that essay. What’s your favorite type of juice? Probably peach mango. What was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? LATIN. Like holy shit. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. What kind of cookie is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What would you do if your ex contacted you? I would just be... so happy. But also scared of where it would lead. What age would you like to have a child? No age, because I never want any. Are your parents wealthy? Definitely not. My dad SEEMS decently well-off, but he is most certainly not rich. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Your ex tells you they want you back, what do you say/do? I know I'd say yes, very quickly. -_- Do you know anyone that smokes weed? More like she's addicted to it. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Oh, that's Mark for sure, ha ha. Especially if he's laughing. It's game over for me if he's laughing. What’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? Don't even fucking @ me, I love the emo hair swoop alskdfjalkwje;kjrwklejarwe Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman. What have you been up to today? Anything interesting? The only thing I've done today that deviates from my normal routine is I had to get blood drawn for some tests for my upcoming check-up. I don't know what was up with that needle, but it hurt this time. Are you the type of person to dwell on the past? I live there. Did your grandparents teach you anything? Not really, no... besides being old-fashioned is not an excuse for being an uptight... er... this answer is so mean, given the grandmother I'm talking about is dead, oof. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? I wanted one... but I don't have one and never will. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're mega cute. Who do you think about most constantly? Why? Anyone who reads these can answer that very, very easily. Have you ever considered yourself to be something other than heterosexual? Yeah; I'm either bi or pan. I think pansexual as of very recently, but for simplicity's sake and also for almost all of my family to not think I'm crazy, I really just say bisexual. Have you ever been in love? With who? Yes; Jason and Sara. Dolphins, whales, sharks, or narwhals? Dolphins or whales. Have you ever gotten anything amputated? No. Have you ever tied your tooth to a door to lose it? No. What do you do on the computer? Oh jeez... I'm pretty much, well, always on the computer, so I do a whole lot. I watch/listen to YouTube, write, clean out my dA notifications and browse artwork, scroll through Facebook, play World of Warcraft, edit the Silent Hill wiki, do way too many surveys, talk to Sara on Discord... Anything your parents should know about? No. Do you have a life? It sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I do nothing noteworthy. Do you have a microphone on your computer? It's built-in, but it doesn't work. Does your mouse light up? Yeah; red normally, blue when it's charging. Then it's also purple sometimes??? I have no idea what it means. Were you ever physically abused? No. Verbally? No. Sexually? No. Do your teachers like you? Not to brag or anything, but all my teachers loved me. Do your parents like you? I know they love me. Do your siblings like you? I don't feel like they do half the time. :/ It's my own fault for not knowing how the fuck to interact with them. Did you have a tail when you were born? At first I saw this question and was confused as shit, but then I remembered this was actually a thing, ha ha. But no, I wasn't. Do you enjoy school? I hated it. Are you shallow? No. Greedy? I don't think so, no. It feels good to share. Do you have a piercing in an inappropriate spot on your body? No. A tattoo? Well, I have a tattoo over my heart, so it's on my breast, if you wanna count that? Are you stubborn? God, am I. Are you incestuous? Fuck no. Do you respect your body? Meh... Yes in some ways, in other ways no. Have you ever been to therapy? Did you like it? I've been in therapy for most of my life, and yes, I find it helpful. Have you ever used Duolingo to learn another language? No. Are you unhappy at the moment? Yes. I usually am. Do you have any gay friends? Yes. Have you ever watched iCarly? Yeah, I used to enjoy it. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Dory. What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? This survey, actually. It's how I format it and save my progress. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Drawing. :/ Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah; when Sara and I were together and I went up to visit her, we had a breakfast date once. :') Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? Yeah. I hold a lot of nostalgia in many items. What sort of games do you like to play? Horror and fantasy, mainly. They need a story, too, and I ESPECIALLY enjoy games with multiple endings. Then I also play WoW, which is an MMORPG. Do you know anyone who is deaf? No. Have you ever been married? Nope. What is your favorite thing to dip fries in? Ketchup. Do you still talk to anyone you went to high school with? Just Girt, really. Have you ever had to dispute a charge on your credit card? I've never had my own credit card. Quick! Choose pink or purple. Pink, duh. What's your favorite book genre? Fantasy. Would you say you’re generally fit and healthy? Why/why not? No. :/ I'm trying to change that though by going to the gym. Would you ever want a job working with animals? My main aspiration is to be a wildlife photographer, if that counts? Sara also wants to be a ball python breeder, and we talk all the time about it and how I'd love to be like an assistant and help with my own future snakes. Most recently, I will definitely have to have experience with them as pets first and see if I can handle it, but I've considered breeding tarantulas on the side. The hobby could ALWAYS use more breeders to prevent wild-caught specimens being taken from the wild, and it would help lower their prices. I've gotten so passionate about those furry bastards that I would really enjoy helping out with that. Do you believe in your horoscope? Even if you don’t, do you still read it? Not at all. I don't, because it feels like a waste of time if I don't even believe in it. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No... I am firmly against cheating, but that sounds extreme. Do you enjoy Tim Burton films? Which one is your favorite? Of course! My favorite is Corpse Bride.

-------

Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush(es) assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? No, honestly. He really doesn't like seeing people not pursuing their utmost potential, and, uhhhh, look at me, lol. I'm in no way good enough for that god of a human being lmao. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I still have them. I only have two, and my mouth has enough room for them. Do you wish you were taller or shorter? My height's fine. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Food Lion. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. I quit way too early for that to ever happen. .-. What poster is hanging closest to you? My big Metallica one. Which cuisine do you like the least? I honestly haven't experimented enough with foreign foods to decide on one specific cuisine I really don't like as a whole. Are there any foods you dislike because of the texture? There are A LOT. I am very, very sensitive to textures. Which type of chocolate do you like best? Milk chocolate. Do you let your pets sleep in your bed? Absolutely. Well, obviously not my snake Venus, but Roman? Yes. This is his house, too, and he deserves a comfy space to sleep. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands? I don't have one. Have you ever made sun tea? I have no idea what that is. Do you prefer powdered or liquid coffee creamer? I don't like coffee. Did your school have somewhere for girls to get emergency pads/tampons? Yes. Do you think they should make a movie about Hatshepsut? Now here's a question I haven't heard before, ha ha. I actually think that would be quite interesting and certainly empowering to women. Do you like to go to the movies alone? I actually did that for the Warcraft movie, and it was pretty chill. I prefer going with others, though. Have you ever dried down any flowers to keep them? No. What is your favorite thing that you have made by yourself? Probably my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun drawing. I worked my ass off on that, and I love how it came out. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? I don't use those specifically, no. Have you ever made a pillow out of an old T-shirt? No. If you want to be cremated, do you want your ashes scattered anywhere? I haven't really thought of this, but I know I want them to be scattered somewhere. I don't wanna be cremated and have no lineage to cherish the ashes so I just end up thrown away or scattered in someone's backyard or something like that. I guess the desert would be pretty cool, if it was one with meerkats. Would you ever have a deceased pet stuffed? No. I have mixed feelings on taxidermy, but doing that to your pet just... seems wrong somehow. Like I feel that there'd be an unhealthy attachment to a dead body, and it feels like you're not allowing your beloved pet to truly, fully rest. Even if there is nothing beyond death, it's just a respect thing to me. Would you ever have a pet cremated? Teddy was cremated, yes. I WANTED to cremate my first ball python and Chinese water dragon, and both were in the freezer for a long time, but it just... never happened. It's not cheap. Mom also had Cali (her dog) cremated, but didn't keep the ashes herself because of it, once again, being expensive. Personal cremation costs more than a group one. Do you believe in the existence of parallel universes? Nah. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Collect anything? Any and all meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merchandise. Can you stick your fist in your mouth? ... I'm not about to try that. When was the last time you were high on anything? Never. Ever had a bloody nose? Yes. Have you ever caught a fish? Yes. Ever been up a mountain? Ugh, I wish! What are you listening to right now? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Do you have any birthmarks? Yeah; it's on my right forearm, near the elbow. Have you ever been slapped? I've been spanked and slapped on the arm by my mother when I was younger. And sometimes not so young. What do you want pierced? My collarbones, nostril, way more in my ears, and possibly my back dimples if I shrink down to a size where you can actually SEE them clearly... Do you like taking pictures? Of nature and animals. Sometimes people. Do you like getting your picture taken? Hell no. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Do you have your own pool? No. What do you want a tattoo of? You're asking someone who wants to be COVERED in tats, ha ha. I have a billion ideas. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Nah. Have you ever been chased by cops? No. Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly? OH FUCK NO. What about cleavage? I wear tank tops more than anything, so some. What theme does your room have? It doesn't have one. Do you like cows? Awwww, I love cows. :') <3 Which slow animal is your favorite? Sloth, turtle, or snail? Turtles aren't that slow; it's tortoises you're thinking about, so I'll consider them instead. Regardless, I think I find snails the cutest. If you had to create an app, what would it be for? I have zero clue. What is one television finale where you were upset with how it ended? I don't know. Other than mandatory lockdowns, have you had to quarantine at all for CoVid? No. What steps would you take in order to track down a thief? ... Not many, tbh, given JUST how afraid of confrontation I am, ha ha. What is something that one of your family member collects? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes sports stuff. What are some questions that you would ask your favorite celebrity? I've... never thought of this, believe it or not. I'd be too busy blubbering about how important he is to me and thanking him for everything he's ever done alskdjfkla;wje Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes. That was very, very rare, though. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? If there was a 1% chance of half an inch of snow. :^) Everyone flips their shit here when that happens. Also, hurricanes. What types of transportation do you think we will see in the future? Besides possibly flying cars, idk. Which freaks you out more - clowns or porcelain dolls? aklsdjflajdsALSKDFJA;LWJE D O L L S. Porcelain dolls creep me out, man. Do you like salami? Yeah. Do you know your mum's first pet's name? I actually don't, no. Do you like car racing? No. I think it's stupid, honestly. People can get and have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. Who hugs you the most often? My niece and nephew, probably. Has your favorite actor ever been stuck to a project you dreaded watching (e.g., stuck on a bad TV show for years)? No. When you were a child did you wish you were named something else? What sort of fantasy life did you imagine for yourself if you’d only had this other better name? Bro I shit you not, I wanted to change my name to "Dory" because of Finding Nemo, lmao. I never thought about how my life would be different, though. Are you a plant person? How do you feel about the trend of owning many, many houseplants? Nah, plant maintenance isn't for me. I don't care how many plants you own so long as you care for them. It seems pointless to buy plants and just neglect them. What are you sick of hearing about? Anti-vax bullshit. Do you wish that you had more followers on any platform? Do you even pay attention to how many likes/comments/followers you have? The only places I really care about that are my photography Facebook page and deviantART because ffs I TRY to make progress as a photographer lasdkfj;lawe but neither move very fast at all. Are you currently working on an art project? No. :/ I need to draw something for once. If applicable, what color are you planning to dye your hair next? I have three in mind: lilac, pastel pink, or silver. Do you have a sibling who looks like your twin? No. My older and younger sister look remarkably similar, though. People have confused them a lot. Do you think you'd make a good actor or actress? God no, I'd feel far too awkward. Do you believe you have a lot of potential? Ugh, I don't know, dude. Would you like to be rich and own a vacation home? Who wouldn't? Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. What eyeshadow color do you think looks best on you? Black. I only wear black. Do you shop in the girls, juniors, or women's section at the store? Women's. Do you play video games? I haven't played a game other than WoW in a long time. :/ I only have a PS2 and Wii, and most of the games I want to play are for newer generation consoles. Is your house more than two stories tall? It's not even two stories. Have you ever had the flu? No. *knocks on wood* Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No. I want tons of tats, but that sure isn't one of 'em. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. I'm one of those people that wants to eat right when I wake up. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Alaska, Utah, Wyoming, and some southwestern state where I can visit the desert and maybe see wild tarantulas. Countries: South Africa, Germany, Canada, and uhhhh idk. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No? Hugs can just be a friendly gesture. They don't have to have underlying romantic implications. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? Oh man, snowy days were the epitome of joy when I was a kid. The #1 thing I wanted to do was make a snowman with Dad and my sisters if the snow was the right texture to pack. We loved snowball fights, making snow angels, watching the cats play... and you CAN'T forget making sugary snow cream. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? No one that does hard drugs now, no. I honestly don't know how I'd respond to wanting to befriend a hardcore druggie... Like I'm totally aware drug addicts are not innately bad people, but it can be dangerous to associate with them. So idk. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Yes. I do NOT like being in hospitals. I've never been treated badly in one or anything, but I just have way, way too many ER memories from being suicidal and just stripped of everything that could somehow be interpreted as a "danger." Even books had to be approved. Technology of all kinds, forbidden. All I did was sleep on that godawful bed and wish I was dead. But I'm rambling; point is, I really don't like any health care establishment just because of negative memories. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No. We just don't. I wouldn't be opposed to knowing what he's up to. What do you like most about your favorite animal? Their loyalty and bravery are purely astonishing. Do you need a job? Yes. I'm a leech in my house. I serve no financial purpose to assist my mom in paying bills and all of that. I'm a full-grown adult that should be benefiting humanity. Who do you love the most in your life? My mom, cat, and best friend probably top the list. What is your mom doing right now? I hope she's asleep, but she tends to sleep very badly and is frequently tossing and turning around this time. Where does she work? She's on disability. For the type of cancer she had, she automatically got it with her diagnosis. It's recently been a year since her last chemo session, but let me tell you from witnessing it: It takes A LOT out of you. It was actually torturous for her. She's still regaining her strength and healing before she can wisely get another job. Do you have Netflix? Yeah. What was the last thing you quit doing? I don't know. Have you ever read a book that changed your life? No. Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Sara, if through text counts. Have you ever taken Xanax before? Yes; I was prescribed it for quite a while. Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? Try both, buddy.

[eunahfmdarchive]

dancing cartoon - partial lyrics credit, partial composition credit, partial production credit.

date: january 2021. word count: 1,275, not including lyrics. 1. this is so bad, 2. my knowledge of music production terms is extremely rudimentary, but 3. i’m trying, ok this is 4am ramblings from a girl whose musical education is limited to singing lessons, i know my vocal ranges and that’s about it and uh 4. i am going to bed. edit: 5. will i ever not ramble holy shit calm down girlie (i’m girlie)

CW: mentions of alcohol.

the idea for dancing cartoon is planted during that damn cruise that the companies sent everyone on. truthfully, eunah had a rather decent time, holed up with her books for company either in her room or in the onboard library, but she’d still find a reason to complain about it -- like the fact that she’d had cameras thrust in her face at every opportunity, and to a lesser extent, being forced by social obligation and pressures to show her face at one too many parties. 

but, shockingly, she’d enjoyed herself, especially on new year’s eve. she relaxed for once. totally, fully relaxed. the idea of a party song wormed its way into her head the next morning, right next to the hangover induced headache. 

the idea wanders out of her mind again, until she’s sitting in a production studio with a producer she’s become particularly close with over the last year, fiddling around with different beats as they run after that spark that means they’ve got something special -- and then, over the uptempo, lighthearted beat they’d just loaded up, it hits her. it begs the question, how to make a party song, but keep it in line with the rather vague guidelines dimensions gave them of ‘light’, ‘thoughtful’, and ‘nostalgic’? on one hand, eunah’s glad they trust her with her solo music, but as they’re filling out the tracklist options, she’s anxious to submit as much good, actually listenable work as possible, just in case they take back their trust. she still hasn’t gotten a song on a 7rophy release since blow your mind, after all. 

with a starting point finally in hand, they turn to the melody. eunah goes back and forth for hours between the guitar she brought from home, and the keyboard provided with the room, singing nonsensically to pin down a tune, before she even thinks about the words. 

“i want it to be danceable, if you know what i mean?”

a nod.

“but, in, like, a,” as an example, rather than describing the vibe with words, eunah bops her head back and forth, accompanied by a weak raising of her arms, “like that. something ... oh, mellow. mellow. that’s the word.”

the vibe they ultimately settle on -- because vibes are an important component of any eunah song, probably too important -- is the feeling of standing at the edge of a party, catching someone’s eye, and the way it almost feels like the world closes in. the party becomes its own place, out of time, out of space. the track that they slowly build, one layer after another, aims to replicate that sensation. it has a retro feeling without feeling old fashioned. at least, eunah hopes it doesn’t.

“would it be cheesy if maybe, later on, we added in some party noises in the back of the track? like, voices and things -- or it could be at the start. at least. uh, maybe. or not.” she’s second guessing herself but they eventually come to the conclusion that, yeah, maybe it would be a little bit cheesy, but it would also contribute to the overall mood of the song.

dancing all the night i’m dancing like I’m crazy gonna forget about you today drink so much right? so sweet like soda pop, i can’t get drunk

lovesickness, the fleeting feelings for someone you see across a crowd that never looks back. eunah’s not usually one for one night stands or casual sex, but she’s felt this way before anyways, captivated by someone whose eyes look right through her. in eunah’s case, they usually can’t see her in the crowd. she’s too small, too unassumingly dressed. still, the party persists. drinks keep on flowing, and sometimes you don’t even feel them hit you, never realising just how drunk you are until later. but here, later doesn’t exist. the idea is to match the lyrics with the timelessness of the beat, and the placid multi generational appeal of the melodies starting to bounce off the walls around them. it’s somewhat twee, she thinks, and she almost feels like she’s writing down to herself, and underestimating the types of concepts she could potentially pull off. 

but, she’d argue, party girl is a lot different to artsy girl or emo girl, and it’s a concept she doesn’t feel confident enough to pull off without her members standing next to her. puzzle from mezzanine was very out of her comfort zone as a soloist, for example. and so, they stick to simple, formulaic sequences of notes, but eunah likes them nonetheless.

baby woo i’m so dizzy woo i’m leaning on you feel so high feel so good it’s like dancing cartoon tonight

dancing all the night drink so much right? it’s getting hotter i’m getting crazier tonight is perfect because there’s no tomorrow

the song starts to build up, becoming less of a sit and sway track, and more like a song eunah thinks she’d dance with her friends too if she was to get particularly drunk, clasping each others’ hands and spinning around. it fits the mood perfectly. it’s exactly what she was trying to convey with her original, embarrassing little chair dance. though, it sort of implies that the narrator managed to get with the guy, especially with the lyrics about kissing and falling in love that her partner amends into the final chorus, and that typical third act key change they implement. eunah doesn’t think she does get the guy though -- to her it feels more accurately that they’ve written a song about a girl at a party who dances the night away, getting absolutely sloshed, in an attempt to forget about the man that keeps showing up in her peripheral vision, but won’t spare her a second glance. it’s getting hotter and she’s getting crazier because her inhibitions are down thanks to all that too sweet alcohol she didn’t realise she was drinking. she’s dizzy, but she’s having fun, and the world around her has turned into a dancing cartoon. eunah draws a little squiggle under that line. a title like that might point to her real intentions behind the meaning of the song, even if it does admittedly just sound like a fairly tame crush ode. 

she repeats the line ‘tonight is perfect because there’s no tomorrow’ for the song’s final line, drawing a line under the enclosed singular world of the eternal party they’re throwing by way of the song. a lot of songs with this kind of sentiment, she thinks, have a lot more explicitly sexual connotations, and though there’s nothing wrong with that, eunah quite enjoys her personal, more dreamlike angle. 

they layer up her vocals during the choruses and pre-choruses, but allow the high note that beckons in the bridge to speak for itself, before the voices and party sounds from the fade in intro come back in, in an attempt to suck the listener into the cartoonish party world that the song exists in. the instrumental by itself has that nostalgic vibe that dimensions said they were looking for, for sure. it’s a good song for relaxing, eunah thinks, when she listens back to the finished project. a good song for dancing too, like she intended, but somehow it turned out as less of a song to play at a party, and more so a song to listen to while imagining you’re at a party.

oh well. introverted as she is, that works too. it’s probably more fitting for her. after all, most of the time she spends at parties is against the wall. save for new year’s eve, eunah really doesn’t have much experience with dancing and drinking all night. all that’s left to do is submit it, and hope that the company don’t call her out. even if the song is a finished project, with a start and end, even if she likes it, eunah knows that its instrumentals and lyrics are derivative of countless other pop songs -- brimming with potential to get lost in the crowd.

[awkwardtaco056]

so now that i’m no longer in the Hell that was school and after finding the lovely blog @endcringe i’ve decided to talk about my own experiences with cringe culture, bullying, and why it’s Really Bad to not let people enjoy inherently harmless things, especially neurodivergent people (read more because this is gonna get long and triggering at times, TW for mentions of bullying, suicide, child abuse, a brief mention of incest shipping. I won’t be naming any of the peers that I discuss my experiences with, because my point with this post is Not to “cancel” anyone, I just want to speak out on my experiences)

I’m neurodivergent; I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old. I didn’t know a lot about it, and a family member even painted it as “oh it’s nothing blah blah blah just apply yourself more. Because of this, I had no idea about the concept of hyperfixations until I was in my late teens. Due to that, I would obsess over random things and my family would shame me relentlessly for it. My mother said I had an “addictive personality” and that she feared I’d end up a drug addict or alcoholic because of it.

I look younger than what I am, I’m short, and small. AKA, the perfect candidate for being picked on by people bigger and stronger than me. People made fun of my art when I was around 13, but fortunately that was an instance where spite fueled me to improve drastically. However, just because I happened to take the shitty comments and have it fuel me then does NOT mean bullying people will have that effect all the time. At some point someone put my old South Park fan art on a cringe blog. I was temporarily hurt, and a little angry, but I realized that if someone was making fun of a 15 year old’s art, they probably didn’t have much going for them in life, so I moved on.

Fast forward to high school. Everything was horrible and I’m not exaggerating when I say I barely made it out alive. I was living in an abusive household up until January 2018 and I found comfort in many different interests. I’ve always found great comfort in music and the arts in general. In 2016, I drew a picture of a mermaid. I was inspired by the chocolate opal gemstone, and I thought it’d be fun to draw a gay chubby mermaid with dark skin and a rainbow tail and freckles. Junior year was lousy and I wanted something that sparked Joy. I was immediately told that “scientifically, mermaids wouldn’t look like that. Mind you, my take looked like this:

Obviously I wasn’t going for realism, I just wanted to draw a cute mermaid. However, they continued to tell me that they wouldn’t look like that, going as far as writing so on the back of said drawing. When I got angry at her for taking it too far (as I’d established before that I didn’t like it when people wrote on my art without permission), they got angry back, accusing me of being unable to take criticism. Heated by the accusation, I went as far as asking my art teacher if it was fair for them to say that, and she said no, stating that constructive criticism would be talking about how I could improve my lineart and coloring in the digital version. I took her actual helpful criticism and since then have improved Drastically in digital art. Even with that being said, I found myself hesitant to participate in things such as MerMay because I was leery of hearing that peer berate me for having cartoony mermaids. 

 During high school I grew to love many musicians, a lot of emo/alternative stuff, a couple being Twenty One Pilots and Melanie Martinez. I love how unique TOP’s style is, their open discussion of mental illness, and as someone who had a rough childhood, I connected with every single song on Cry Baby. It was like nothing I’d ever heard. I started listening to mashups featuring all these different artists I love, adoring how they could change the tone and sound so drastically. A peer Bully of mine in junior year condemned these two artists, declaring that they made “Bad Music” simply because it didn’t fit their tastes. They’d throw my drawings on the ground, write over them in pen, steal my headphones so I couldn’t listen to music, push me around, complain that mashups sucked and gave them a headache, and in general shit all over conetnt that was actively preventing me from committing suicide. 

Some family members were no better. Once high school hit, I began listening to Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and My Chemical Romance. Their deep complex lyrics stuck with me. I would write down quotes from my favorite songs and thanks to hyperfixating, I remember each studio album in order My mother resented when I fell in love with the “Emo Trinity” because “the Columbine  shooters were emo and that event traumatized me” Despite that, not only did the Columbine tragedy occur in 1999 and none of the bands got together until the early 2000s, but I have a pretty good feeling those groups aren’t For gun violence. The other side constantly criticized the fact that I love FOB, P!ATD, and MCR because I’m black and “why must you listen to that white people music.”

 I grew fond of Dan and Phil in high school (and I’m still a fan to this day!), I loved Phil’s kindness and positive aura and I deeply connect with Dan’s sense of humor and personality. Their content made me happy during some very dark times in my life. It’s November 2017, I’m over a close peer’s house at the time, and notice PINOF is upon us. I drew the PINOF whiskers on my face, my plan being to quietly watch them in the corner of peer’s bedroom on my phone through headphones, the others were doing their own thing and I knew they didn’t like them, so I thought they’d respect it if I silently indulged in it. Unfortunately, the complete opposite happened. I was immediately shunned and locked out of the bedroom, told that I’d only be let back in if I washed the whiskers off because “absolutely not”. Me, being stubborn, washed them off temporarily but drew them back on in the room. Life during then was especially bad for me, as the abusive household I was in was getting worse. They noticed, of course, and even though all I wanted was to enjoy this small tradition in a time during a deep depression, I was immediately shoved out the room and locked out, only to have said peer’s family members notice. I’m a relatively shy person, so this was honesty a really harrowing experience that had a lasting effect on me. 

I grew to adore Sanders Sides as well, but the moment I found out most of my peers didn’t like Thomas, I was terrified.  I stopped watching Dan and Phil’s content for months and shied away from other fandoms too, only occasionally indulging in times of complete solitude. One time when said peers were due to visit my house for the first time, I saw the Phandom and Fander stuff I’d hung up on my wall in my little sanctuary that was my bedroom (it was the first time in years I’d had my own room), and I was filled with panic and fear. I took them down and hid them away, genuinely terrified of what they’d do to me if they saw. It’s still incites so much anger in me to this day because they turned around and ended up shipping incest, but somehow liking D&P and Sanders Sides was So. Much. Worse.

They were baffled by my actions, despite having humiliated me Twice by going on a private blog of mine separate from everything so that I could fully indulge and laughing at everything on there, once at a peer’s house, once right in school. I don’t think they realized how traumatizing it was to have a large group of people in public laughing at something I was deeply self conscious about for all of my life. I put on a brave face at the time, but ended up crying in the bathroom after first period began. I continued to be treated as lesser until things came to an ugly head August 2018 when I ended up in the hospital because I nearly attempted suicide. Years of child abuse, bullying, and being deemed “cringy” made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be alive, that everyone would be happier if I were gone.

After arguably one of the lowest points in my life, I cut them off and slowly began to embrace the Real Me. I started letting myself enjoy the things again, made true friends and even found love, my first boyfriend ever at 18. I still get choked up retelling it, but when PINOF 10 dropped, after he found out how much I’d been hurt over the incident in 2017, I was greeted with a photo of him with the whiskers on his face. I cried for a while, blown away at such a pure act of kindness. He listens to me ramble about my interests, he compliments my taste in music, he watched K-12 with me. 

This got incredibly long, but my point is this: Cringe Culture hurts people. You might think it’s whatever if the Thing doesn’t apply to your interests, but content you’re denouncing as cringy could be something that’s keeping them alive, that one flicker of light in a void of darkness. When I was contemplating suicide, I listened to The Black Parade, repeating Gee’s words to myself over and over, that nothing in the world was worth hurting yourself over. Some friendly joshing here and there is okay, but actively ripping someone to shreds constantly to the point where they have a mental breakdown in front of you and later on plan their own demise is disgusting. Nobody should abuse anyone for having harmless interests, no one. Unless you’re participating in p*dophilic/inc*st/s*xual assault/inherently abusive ships/content and pretending it’s not bad because “Fiction doesn’t impact reality!”, you have every right to like what you like and be happy. Read homestuck. Play Undertale. Draw up the Wildest OCs you can imagine. And stay away from people who try to rob you of innocent fun, life is too short and in this cruel, unforgiving world, you deserve to be happy, whether you’re a 13 year old who draws cute furries, a 16 year old cosplayer on TikTok, a VSCO girl, a 30 year old who writes/draws self insert art or a 20 year old who adores Invader Zim. 

Cringe Culture is just bullying under a different name, and it can lead to many instances of people, especially fellow neurodivergent folk to feel isolated and ostracized. Attempting to bully someone out of an interest they have isn’t going to fix them; it’s more often than not going to cause more damage. I suffer from diagnosed C-PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and sometimes I still find myself trying to over-justify my interests. To all who are roped up in bad homes and lousy “friends” who berate you for your innocent passions, I’m sorry you’re suffering, things will one day get better even if it doesn’t feel like it, and fuck those people. I’d also like to note that sometimes even if it seems more terrifying, it’s better to have one or two close friends you can truly trust than a whole group that walks all over you. You have every right to call them out for treating you poorly, and if things don’t improve, you also have every right to leave.

You have a right to live your True Self.

[dragonsaphirareads]

The Selfish Protector - Disney and Deceit (Chapter 2)

Crossposted to AO3

Link to Masterlist

Deceit didn’t want to answer the door when he heard the knock. He was still nursing his face; he’d cleaned it off and made sure the bleeding stopped before laying on his bed, but it stung horribly.

He flung himself to his feet, opening the door and not attempting to hide his frustration.

“What do you want Roman?”

Roman stood tall, his shoulders back and hands clasped behind him, and he looked Deceit in the eyes. It was almost enough to distract from the fact that he was fidgeting and his heart was racing.

“I want to apologize to you. I should have never come into your room without permission, and I--”

“Roman, stop.” The prince swallowed at Deceit’s flat tone. He did his best to not flinch.

“But I truly am sorry, Deceit.”

Deceit blew out a breath. God, he sounded so pathetic, it cooled his temper slightly. “Tell me Roman, why are you here?”

“To-To apologize?”

“Why?”

Roman bit his lip. “Well, because I... I came into your room without permission, and then you got hurt because of it...”

“Oh no, not at all. I adore having my face ripped apart by someone who’s been driven insane by my room’s influence!” Deceit drawled sarcastically, and Roman swallowed, looking at his shoes.

“Yes, I know it was completely my fault for bringing him in there and it’s my fault that you got hurt. And I completely understand if you want nothing to do with me after this... but...”

He sighed, meeting Deceit’s eyes. “I still want to extend a proper invitation. This Friday, I would love it if you could join us for movie night.”

Deceit raised an eyebrow. “‘Us’? I thought Virgil and Patton wanted nothing to do with me even after I saved their butts.”

Roman winced. “Yeah, so they’re a little angry right now, but I’m sure they’ll work it out by Friday!” That was a lie, he didn’t know if they would ever forgive him for what happened. Deceit didn’t call him on it. “And... even if they don’t... it would be me, you, and Logan, and that would still be fun!”

Deceit watched Roman’s face carefully. He was trying so hard... and for what? For him? For Thomas? Just for curiosity's sake?

Deceit found that whatever Roman’s reason, it didn’t matter. He was rather curious too.

“Alright. I’ll be there.”

~~~

Deceit closed the bathroom door quickly and leaned against the counter, inhaling slowly to calm himself down.

He’d expected Virgil to explode. Hell, he’d been purposely needling him ever since he arrived to achieve that very goal. Didn’t mean it was pleasant being held by your collar with a fist hovering inches from your face.

Deceit sighed, rubbing at his temples to try and sooth his growing headache. How was it possible that the four of them could lie so badly and yet they never noticed?

He knew why - they didn’t have a sixth sense dedicated specifically to detecting when someone was lying. It had been going off practically nonstop since he’d arrived in the common room. There had only been a few blatant lies of commision, but the sheer amount of omission taking place made his head spin.

Patton and Virgil were the worst of all. Even without his sense, he knew those two were up to something.

There was no way they’d come around so quickly. Not with how they’d been so angry with him before. There was something going on, with Patton especially, cogs whirring behind that too-bright smile of his.

Deceit had caught on to it pretty much the moment he walked into the room. And it was worrying him. He was sure that the effects of his room hadn’t been permanent -  he hadn’t seen a single speck of gold in either of Patton’s eyes when he’d checked. He should be perfectly fine.

But there was something underlying his fake smile, something darker that Deceit couldn’t quite grasp. When he’d compared Patton to Hans, he saw a shadow flicker in those bright eyes.

The lying side huffed, tugging off his gloves and turning on the faucet to splash his face with cool water. He hissed as the right side of his face stung as he scrubbed at it. He glanced up at the mirror and took in his appearance.

The sweater that Roman had designed was soft, warm and ever so slightly oversized. The design itself was fitting - Roman had clearly drawn inspiration from his logo. It didn’t cover his neck like his normal outfit, and it revealed the scales that trailed past his face.

Deceit gently traced a hand against them, from the corner of his left eye down to his collarbone. He loved his scales, no matter what the others said. He loved how they glittered in the light, how they complemented his golden eye, how they split his body so nicely down the middle. He’d even learned to love the scar that traced from his ear to the corner of his mouth, a remnant of a time that he hadn’t appreciated how he looked as much.

He loved who he was, and it extended further than just his physical appearance. He loved being himself. How he could mold his words to make someone do what he wants, how just his presence puts the others on edge. He coveted his image as an over-the-top villain, molded from Thomas’s own idea of who he should be.

Yet, he couldn’t help but wonder what it might be like if Thomas was different. If Patton wasn’t so strongly in charge, if Deceit had been formed not as an entity stuck in the shadows but as what Roman might classify as a “Light Side.”

Deceit shook his head, throwing that thought away. That wasn’t important. That couldn’t happen, so there was no point in indulging that fantasy. In order to do what needed to be done... they all had to work together against him.

The side took a deep breath, clearing his mind and slipping his gloves back on. Deceit stepped out of the bathroom to see the lights had been turned off, and the TV was on, the opening scenes of Aladdin playing.

The other four had shifted closer to each other on the sectional. Patton had his arm around Virgil’s shoulders, who was in turn curled up tightly against the fatherly side. Roman was on the other side, arms stretched out on the back of the couch behind him. Logan was on the end, seemingly having been dragged by the princely side to side closer to the group. His legs were up on the table, arms crossed and head leaning against the back of the couch.  

They were comfy, and the sound of the bathroom door closing didn’t draw their attention. The four of them were focused on the screen and the shared bowl of popcorn on Patton’s lap.

Deceit sighed, standing in the darkness, watching them for a moment. Roman was humming the background music quietly, more subdued than he’d been before. The lying side couldn’t help but smile slightly - the movie had to have been the creative side’s idea.

The snake turned around and walked down the hall, into the darkness and back to his room. He’d accomplished what he’d wanted to this night. There was no point in inserting himself into their movie night.

He wasn’t part of the family.

~~~

Halfway through the movie, Roman got up to refill the popcorn bowl that had been eagerly emptied by the four of them. The other three were asleep. Virgil’s head had fallen heavy on Patton’s shoulder, who had in turn put his chin on top of the emo’s head protectively. Logan had curled up, falling asleep with his legs tucked under him and arms crossed.

A smile ghosted across his lips as he looked over the three of them. Then it faded away as he thought about the missing side.

He’d noticed Deceit hadn’t come back, but he’d kept his mouth shut. The last thing Roman needed was another argument with Virgil and Patton, so he let it go. They either hadn’t noticed or had been glad that he never came back, but Roman couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness in his chest.

Already ideas were swirling in his head, coming up with endless ways he could feasibly invite the lying side back into their group for another night. He felt guilty; he knew it was selfish of him to accept the things Deceit told him. The compliments were like candy - they tasted good but he knew they would rot him from the inside out if he took them too seriously.

Logan would tell him that logically, the only solution is to not take it in the first place. Virgil would tell him Deceit’s words were hypnotizing, and the only way to avoid falling under his spell was to plug his ears and not listen to a thing he said. Patton would tell him that Deceit was wrong, and that he should fight for honor and justice to defeat the villain.

Roman leaned against the counter as he listened to the hum of the microwave, and the popcorn popping. He could hear all their advice so clearly, and he knew they knew better. He was the fanciful one, the one with the outlandish dreams and wild fantasies that needed to be reigned in. The others were more down to earth, so they could see Deceit for what he was, what he wanted and what he was doing.

Why, then, did the prince find himself wanting, more than anything, to just speak with Deceit one more time?

[rozezor]

Better care ocs

@r95irth

Koyuki Kojima

Her personality in five words: extroverted, jokes lover, curious, independent, stubborn

Her Quirk: allows her to remember every seen open space places, from her room to an immense land. She can projects them in people’s mind, giving them the illusion of being there. As long as nothing changes in her illusion, she can use the same imagine again and again. Sometimes after using her quirk she enters in a confusing state: she mistakes places and even people.

Her mother doesn’t like when she uses her quirk at home and Koyuki doesn’t really know why; however, she loves her quirk and when she discovers a new place she always shows it to her friends by projecting it in their minds.

Likes: Koyuki really cares about her appearance, especially her clothes. She is obsessed with korean fashion, both female and male, and her closet is full of male’s pullovers and korean’s long skirts. She is trying to drag her brother Hideki in this “world” but he prefers more his “boring standards t-shirts”, as she says. She likes milkshakes, at Mc she always takes vanilla milkshake with french fries, and love the gross expressions that her friends do when they see her literally drown the fries in the milkshake. Sh isn't a genius at school but she adore studying and she tries to do her best every day. She may have a secret passion for aliens theories.

In general she loves her whole family and life. She tries to find the good side of everything and this may brings her to trust people too easily.

Dislikes: She can’t stand cats, she might be the only girl in the world. It’s not like they are ugly or because she prefers dogs - well, she does really like dogs, but that’s not the point - it’s just that they hate her so why loving someone that hate you?

Koyuki loves school but waking up early is something she can hardly handle, especially because she goes to sleep late and the next morning she has two big eyeshadows. Despite being an open minded girl, she gets angry when someone points out that she might being wrong on something.

Her family: Koyuki is the second child of Chiyo and Kenichi Kojima, a strange couple that was bad seen when they were younger. Her mother, Chiyo, is a strict and yet beautiful woman that lived her whole teenage life fighting for her rights. On the other hand, her father Kenichi is a easy going man, with always a smile on his face. Her father has a sort of villain past: her grandfather was part of a villain group in the city of Nagasaki and he used his son for many purposes. After his death, however, a police officer named Taro took away Kenichi with him.

Her parents are very different and the fact they are still together despite all their fights is very shocking for the neighborhood. However, Koyuki is not worried about their relationship: she knows they love each other endlessly.

Both her parents are quirkless; she took her Quirk from her grandmother and her brother Hideki from grandfather - both parents of Chiyo.

Her big brother Hideki is a serious and hardworking young man. His Quirk is “Quick learning” that essentially allows him to understand and remember things really quickly; not casually he was the best student during his school’s days. He isn’t very talkative and at a first sight he even seems to hate people because he avoids them. The reality is that people from his past bullied him for being homosexual and this still hurts him. He isn’t the biological son of Kenichi but he loves his step-dad - and Koyuki, of course. Koyuki and her brother share a strange yet beautiful relationship: they often fight during the day and sleep in the same bed in the night.

Secret Past: Koyuki had a beautiful childhood, so she has no secret or dark past of sorta.

Saddest Memory: During his teenager days Hideki has a very tough moment because of the bullying. At the time Koyuki was just a child and didn’t really understand why her big brother cried every night or why he was always covered in bruises. Her parents were agitated; Hideki and Chiyo often fought and Kenichi was forced to become a wall in order to divide them.

Koyuki could feel her brother suffering - all her family's suffering - and from that moment she hates bullying and sadness.

her relationship in class: in general she goes along pretty well with everybody; her love for life and people doesn’t allow her to notice if someone doesn’t like her. She isn’t very picky but tends to avoid “i know it all” and big-headed type of people.

Ryota Himaruyo

His character in five words: adaptable, artistic, quiet, honest, untidy

His Quirk: “Livin’ Ink”. His skin secretes ink he uses for drawing is 3D dimension things such as everyday life objects, weapons and animals. If he wants to have a total control over an animal he needs to know its typical behavior and limits. The stains of ink on his skin can’t be washed away: he basically has tattoos.

Likes: Indeed he likes a lot of things, but  few people really care for them because Ryota isn’t the type of guy that shows off his preferences. He adapts pretty well.

He likes animals, especially dinosaurs - and yes, he knows they are all dead thank you very much -, sweet things and watermelons. Drawing is his number one passion and he’s currently trying to do some portraits of his sister and classmates (without them knowing of course). He and Kussan share a passion and they eventually bounded over it: both love Celtic and Viking inspired music. During lunch time Ryota puts on his headphones and takes a nap while his friends eat and chat.

Dislikes: despite being a quiet boy, the silent isn’t his best friend. In fact, he hates when no one around him talks so he tries to break the silent with music or letting things fall on purpose.

He is also scared of the sea - he doesn’t know how to swim for a reason - and storms. Everytime it rains he becomes moody and nervous, like a cat. He is always afraid of passing for the guy who doesn't care about anything and anyone because of his lay down personality: he's just with his head on the clouds it isn't really his fault; when others throw shades about it he prefers isolate himself for a bit and then come back with a grunt on his face.

Short pencils? He hates them. A clean bedroom? What is it?

His family: Ryota’s parents are divorced and he and his sister live with their father. His name is Jean Gannarie and he works at home as a journalist for a french newspaper that has a settlement in Japan. He moved in Japan twenty years ago thanks to his work and he met his future wife during an interview. At that time Kameyo Himaruyo was the right hand of an important stilist; the two got together three months before Kameyo was nominated as her successor. After the birth of their children, whom took Kameyo's surname, she became more and more busy with her career, letting her husband always alone with Ryota and his sister, the little Julienne. Ryota and Julienne didn't have a bond at all with the mother and the parents fought every night. The two eventually divorced and now the mother is one of the most requested stilist in Asia.

His father's quirk allows him to print his thoughts on his and others skin with just a touch. This is very useful to his job and he also uses it to remember his son important events and/or tasks. This is the reason why Ryota's skin is covered in his ink and phrases such as "remember to wash YOUR dishes", "cousins for dinner tonight", "stop drinking orange juice in the shower".

Ryota is really thankful to his father that always took care of him: the two share a peaceful relationship even though he doesn't appreciate Jean's dad jokes.

Julienne is a little demon but he loves her with all his heart. Her quirk is similar to his even though her ink is red. She is learning French from their dad, while Ryota is just incapable.

His relationship in class: he enjoy the company of big groups, even more if they are extra, noisy and with a good sense of humour. He also talks and interact with more shy and conservative people, of course, but you will always find him in silent in the middle of a pillow fight or something. Noises are a good company and a fine background for his thoughts.

He can bond over music and film tastes, as well as midnight snacks because he is that type of person.

People who watch other people up and down freak him out a little.

He and Kussan don't really talk: they share a silent friendship listening to music.

Kunio (Kussan) Musaware

Their character in five words: mysterious, sarcastic, diligent, introverted, tired

Their quirk: the pores of their skin secret a non lethal gas called Diphenylchlorarsine (say it five times). This gas causes sneezing, coughing, headaches, salivation and vomiting. Kussan need to cover their nose if they don't want to fall in their own quirk.

It is a quite dangerous quirk that needs special precautions in order to not harm his classmates; Kussan and Midnight work a lot together.

Likes: being a very awkward kid, Kussan have special interests and their tastes are sometimes questionable. First of all, everything dark and emo contribute to their aesthetic, from clothes to phone's lockscreens. They find black and purple two “neutral” colours.

They often stay up late at night to watch the moon and write poems; this is why they are always tired though, but it's worth it. They are a music and musicians lover - they can become all crazy inside when they see someone famous on TV.

Kussan is a diligent student and in general like to have everything tidy and clean. An hair out of place, a lost sock and ink on their notebook are not tolerated.

Like sweet things, they have a soft spot for children, birds and strawberry shortcake. Sigh a lot without a context.

Dislikes: Kussan don't fit with gender: they don’t believe in the whole thing “male and female”. People are just people; even talking about them as a transgender make them uncomfortable because it is unsaid that they acknowledge the existence of two genders. They get really annoyed when in presence of feminist and misogynist behaviours and tend to snap a little. They don't like to share their feelings because of their introverted nature and trust issues. Kussan also have a hard time every time they don't get the honours they deserve: they work hard in order to stand out, to be respected as a human being and to be just like the others and everytime people cover their attempts is like a knife in the back.

Really bad tastes in fashion.

Their family: Today, Kussan consider as their family just their grandfather, Jun Masaware, a former doctor. They live with him for about six years now, but before they lived with who gave birth to them.

Their parents were two strict politicians. When they had Kunio were so sure that their kid would have become one of them but they were wrong: since they were a kid, Kunio rejected the “boy education” they were given and even the environment around the kid. They wanted to do as they liked without restrictions of sorta. At the age of eleven they came out as non binary and it fucked up parents minds. Kussan eventually went to live with their Grandpa, the only one that truly loved them since the beginning. Kussan's rare smiles are just for their strong and funny old one. Jun easily get along with everyone thanks to his quirk that gives him a charming personality.

Saddest memory: their relationship with their parents was the worst: always fighting, shouting, throwing things over the room. They wanted the perfect puppet and au contrarie they got a rebel and “strange” creature. Kussan was disgusted by their nonsense speeches about how they were useless and disgusting. They fell in a depression state at such young age and sometimes they harmed themselves.

Fortunately those times are gone but the scars remain.

Their relationship in class: Kussan isolate themselves from others in order to not get hurt in the future. They are truly afraid of get affectionate and then get stabbed in the back; their quite and sarcastic nature sure don't help the situation. They hardly stand everyone because their mind refused to open.

Deep inside they are just a lost kid that needs help.

There you finally go the personalities of my OCS! I hope you like them and sorry for the errors!

[alienqueen4]

Kai love story: When the girl of his dreams hides her inner rock and roll

Chapter 6: My Career Needs A Beginning

(*Thursday, 6:35 pm*)

The girl Skyler has the tree house set up ready for some free time with the new guy, Kai, how is it that these are starting a connection. Kai, a new man in the neighborhood next door sets eyes on a sight of roses, the sight catched the moment when he met Skyler. Sky is a different girl, Kai is a different boy, they wanna know about eachother. It makes sense to start something new....

Skyler’s POV

This is going to be something I will never forget, I’m buying delivered pizza for my “guest” which guest I mean Kai. I got a few chips that might be his favorite and beverage, Peace Tea, that shit is real stuff. I have the stuff ready for the connetion of my Xbox to connect the Wifi. As soon as I turn around I hit my Dad by accident dropping everything “Dad!” He chuckles a laugh “Woah when I said a few snacks I didn’t mean to go over board the boy must have some appetitite.” Jesus christ I hate jump scares right in front of me “Dad hehe I hope you can hurry things up before you and Chris leave for a concert you both are going” He has his hands in his pockets “Skyler my own daughter, are you scared to let me meet the man?” he grins making a silly look as I quickly did saw Chris dressed up “Bye Dad!” I wave my hand good bye pushing him away with Chris “Let’s go pop the sooner the better we can stop by the merchandise table” my brother said. He then looks back at Chris “Since when did you start calling me pop?” he smiles at him. Dad gives the finger look “No violence or shinanagins in this home young lady” I hate it when he gives me the finger look “Yes sir, have fun!” I smiled closing the door. Dad stops from inches away from the door closing cause I know what he wanted and I give him a kiss on the cheek “Bye Dad love you” I shut the door and sighed smiling looking up. My dog arrives in front of me barking as I said “Sparky, we got the freedom we need for a very long time...”

(*A few minutes past by from the arrival of Kai dressed up normal white v neck t shirt black marks design, black vest jacket, skinny jeans, and All Star sneakers as he approaches the front door but noticed the back door open for him remembering she’s outside not in doors note take*)

I got the connection set up in my Xbox logging in to my account as I heard voices inches away “Woah! Uh Sky, I really don’t wanna hurt your dog” Hehe it’s Kai, from looking down he’s being barked and sniffed around by Sparky “Hey! *whistles*” Sparky stops looking up at me “Take a break bud he ain’t a midnight snack” I said laughing. I smiled seeing Kai and he looks relieve about my Sparky “Don’t worry he’s friendly, I love my dog best friend” I said. he came up taking a look of my tree house “A smart girl with soccer girls, draws, listens to music, and has a tree house, you are friendly alright.” I giggled putting down my ladder I use from a construction man who gave it to my Dad. He starts climbing up as he approached his head pop up “Hi” I smiled and he smiles too “Thank you for that warm welcome” he says hoping in. My tree house is top secret, designed painted graffiti walls, flat screen television set, Xbox console, my video games, comfy couches plus bean bags, lighted skull lamps, and Sparky’s throne also known as his relaxation to sleep. Kai had a surprised face looking around my cave “What is that?” I noticed he had some kind of blue bag gift he brought. He then says “Oh well I was about to explain to you about this but since you noticed, this came in the mail as soon as I thought it would arrive...” he reached it out of the bag when I knew the color, the familiar shape, it was a new soccer ball he promised. I had a shock face of my own that this is something I wouldn’t expected “....Kai, how on earth did you do this, my mom bought me this for my birthday it’s an exact replica my favorite soccer player used, it costed about $500″ He takes a seat on one of my bean bags “My money isn’t what keeps me alive with my bills, cell phone, food, and other materials....I wanted to give you a chance so that you can talk to me not just a stranger.” I held the soccer ball, I gotta admit it I don’t know how but it still has that smell “...Kai you know how much I’m gonna pay you back for this” He smiles looking up at me “You are already, I’m here to play video games with you, like you said bring a 2nd controller with me” He held it up as I smiled connecting it in the console. I take a seat “Pizza should be here, um I don’t know if you like Peace Tea Rasberry or Blue Berry” I said him the 2 cans. He took the blue can “You hang out with emo kids do ya?” he said it joking around as I hit his shoulder. The screen pops up “Mostly my favorite map when I play online I play the barn, it’s got parts where I have advantage to take down as many zombies as I can kill” I said. Kai’s user name pop up and “Oh my god, themasterwheelsmk09?” I said. He starts laughing “Don’t judge me it was my favorite Mortal Kombat game” Haha “Are you the master of killing zombies though?” I press start as the both of us begin wave 1 I grabbed the best shot gun I can pay out of my score. “We got company” Kai says. Zombies are approaching, I take a good head shot point view from the brain, now this is gonna be a fun time like I thought it would be.

With a good hour of playing video games killing zombies we worked together making it up to the 23rd wave, a perfect high score me and Kai. 

(*8:30 passes the time with Kai and Skyler in Netflix watching Criminal Minds*)

So it’s been great so far, me and Kai are full from eating pizza plus tin cans of empty Peace Tea. I love Criminal Minds so much even The Walking Dead, I’m a Netflix nerd you should my show list I added of series I’m into. Kai comments “If I had to choose a job position of this team it would have to be Spencer Reid, I kinda like it, I wanna be a doctor” I smiled at him “Well you do look like the type of nerd boy” I tease him as his head turns back at me I started to giggle and can’t help but smile at his stupid face. He smiles back at me laughing “This is the first time I see a smile like that” Hehe “Well....uh ya know I go to the dentist” Kai starts laughing at me “You are so weird Skyler!” I roll my eyes as he then says “Weird in a good way” he rubs my back. I twirl a bit of my hair smiling and then lift a piece of hair like a mustache being silly. Kai was getting something “Wait wait wait” he got his phone to take a picture of me when I didn’t noticed from the flash “My eyes!” I smiled covering them. Kai has a cute laugh, I cannot help it but smile. We continue back watching the episode of Criminal Minds as Kai is concerned but curious lifting up his left arm wearing many braclets including mine “Why did you gave this to me? What is this?” he ask. Oh, he still hasn’t know about it does he “My grandmother passed it to me, she says this was from a trip to Japan, Sora, the sky because my name Skyler, I don’t know why but alot of people call me as a nickname Sky cause I am the sky but I do love the color blue” I said. I then tell him “But the reason why I gave it to you.....is so that you can keep part of your home cause your home sick.” He then turns around looking at me but his expression changed “....W-Who told you I was home sick?” Oh well “No one but not my brother-” Kai then says “Your brother?” he spoke up raising his voice. I heard voices coming outside from the arrival of my Dad and my brother “Yo Sky we’re home!” Kai quickly looked back and his movement changed walking out of here grabbing the ladder “Kai?” I got a bit worried now cause he’s moving fast. This is strange not even for me, a guy like him he’s looking angry. Kai out of nowhere came up front pushing back my brother from the walls “I am not home sick! This is not your invasion to be in my personal family life!! You better stay away from my life or you’ll get a taste out of your own blood!!! do you understand!!!” Kai yelled furious even I can hear it while coming down from my ladder “Kai! Hey let go of Chris! Kai calm down!” My Dad stopped me then with Chris, his scared look never knew what was going on when Kai yelled at him in dirt right in front of his face. Kai is starting to calm down letting go of Chris from the shirt. I looked at him very confused of his actions turning into violence. His voice cracks as if he almost wanted to cry “I-Im sorry Sky, Sky I’m sorry I gotta go” he begins running away in a hurry out of the house. Chris was in a serious shock after what happen “Was it something I said?” he said rubbing his head. That was some performance, this isn’t the Kai I was expecting to show his dark side like that. 

(*Next day*)

(*Friday morning Skyler’s shift today at work has changed in night shifts on a Friday then gets the weekend off*)

So much for a good morning’s breakfast, I saw nothing in the fridge that could make my stomach happy “Hey Dad, let’s go out for breakfast, I’m down for iHop Im in a mood for chicken and waffles” I said. My Dad ruffles my messy hair I didn’t brushed yet as he reaches for an asprin “Nah I’m okay, hey bring along Ruth if you like, I still got a headache from last night’s concert and thank god I wasn’t almost pushed in the circle pit, I would’ve been dead” he said. Doing 2 things at the same time multi tasking is madness, I got a glass of apple juice on my right hand then there is my left hand with my phone making a call from someone...

“*voicemail* Hi I’m sorry can’t answer at the moment, please leave your message and I’ll call ya back as soon as I can *beep*”

God dammit Kai...

My Dad says “Gummy worm, the boy felt terrible for himself from what happen last night, maybe he is doing his laundry right now.” I said “Dad please, I have been calling him 10 times since 8:30 I woke up, I don’t think it’s that early to do laundry” I’m a bit worried right now after what went down with him and Chris. Even my idiot brother is still sleeping upstairs in his room then locks his door cause I knew he would. All of a sudden my mind poped a curious note “Hey Dad um, a few days ago I remember, me and Chris met a man name Manny” I said. My Dad pours hot water in his mug to make his favorite tea “Manny? a guy name Manny was never a name in my book” I make a face even I can’t be stupid that he knows I might be talking about “Dad, this isn’t time for games I know you know him.....why did you never told us the....man had a brother, he has a son a little kid and I’m glad he didn’t end up being a twin like the evil one.” I turn face to face against my Dad, his emotion changed “Manny is doing something he can do on his own this isn’t your business here neither it’s Chris, Sky I love my kids and your mom......your mom wanted attention she wasn’t prepared for a family.” I then have my voice speak loudly “Dad your talking crazy! I saw mom walk out that door! She didn’t even gave me and Chris a kiss goodbye!” My Dad points a finger very demanding “Don’t use that tone voice at me young lady, you know what I don’t wanna talk about this I might go for a walk on my own” he rushes out upstairs to get a jacket and leave. Ugh don’t nerve on my Dad! My fist hits the counter feeling the blood boil my anger, I let out a sigh thinking in my mind from how my Dad changed since my mom isn’t part of a family anymore. The memories bring back my childhood to watch an image at the backyard, a ghost of my mom is playing my little self when I was 4 years old, the laughs are a happy moment with my mom. She smiles like the sun has bright teeth. My mom was beautiful, she meant everything to me. I have a heart who loved my mom because she wants me to live a life forever. 

“Skyler...”

The voice, my image of mom is seen from the backyard door window “Mom...” I’m seeing a ghost, the ghost is mom. “...Your eyes are a hazel brown sugar sparks a vision, my little cloud is grown into a women” Why am I seeing my mom as a ghost “Mom....I....I met a cute guy....I wish you were here to meet him” I said. My mom smiles a shining star looking into my eyes. The ghost is a vision of me, mom is right here. But I had to ask her “...What do I do? Without you” My mom’s voice tells me “You choose your own path Skyler, this is a career that needs a beginning.” Those words hit my entire brain, my career is just getting started......

[themousai]

Q+A: Once Foretold

Where did the name ‘Once Foretold’ come from? Robin and Nathan were always complete nerds growing up, and after like 2 weeks of really stupid names in the group chat Nathan found a Magic the Gathering card called “As Foretold” and one of us (can't remember who) decided to change the “As” to “Once” and that was that really. We were seriously pushed for time since we had our debut show not far after that and the band name was kind of the last thing on our minds at that point.

Where did you guys all meet? Nathan and Robin - We mostly met each other through school, Nathan (being a good friend to robin at the time, and just starting to learn how to scream) came along to a practice for Robin's old band called "Our Last Days" and we ended up making a band called "A Reflection of Yesterday" where we became mates with Lily through SFRQ and playing local shows (rip kings arms...). Nathan also used to play in a band called "Overseer" and that's where he met Max. We met shay after our first drummer Ross left us, he had just finished playing with Fire For Glory and I was at his last show with them where the frontman josh said that if anyone wanted him for a band they should snatch him up quickly because of how good he was. A little while later we put out a post on facebook looking for a drummer and he hit us up.  Lily - I used to play in a post-hardcore band in high school called “Hello Headache” and when we did Smokefree Rockquest Nathan and Robin’s band “A Reflection of Yesterday” was at my local heats. They fucking killed it and I was their biggest fan haha. We actually ended up becoming really good friends over time. I asked Max to join the band when I happened to stumble across a guitar demo he posted to Soundcloud and asked if he was interested in joining the band. I met Shay at an EP release show I was playing with my other band REI back in 2017 at the UFO and I totally didn’t know how amazing of a drummer he was until I got him to audition. Will be sad to see him go after these last shows we have booked.

Where do you guys draw inspiration for your music? Robin - Periphery, Architects, Dali Thundering Concept Lily - Maximum the Hormone Max - Thornhill, Silent Planet, Erra Nathan - I draw inspiration from whatever the other guys listen to. Also Parkway Drive, and Killswitch Engage.

Do you find that the creation process of your music is equally collaborative? Or do certain members take on certain elements? Robin and Max - We make a basic layout and present it to the band where they'll tweak it from there during the learning process, we tend to give Nathan creative freedom vocally which tends to yield the best results as it's something most of us are not exactly familiar with doing.

You guys just completed a little run of North Island shows - if you could put together a full NZ tour featuring any other two NZ bands - who would they be? Robin - Seas of Conflict, Pale Flag Max - Pale Flag, Seas of Conflict Lily - Banks Arcade, Lookin Up Nathan - Cripple Mr. Onion, Liit

Do you have any fun stories to share from your tour? Robin and Lily - it was a reaaaallly cold windy day (like 4ºC) when we got wellington, but Max decided he wanted to jump into the harbour from the jumping platform they have in front of Te Papa, he called Lily who was at our accommodation with the guys from REI and made him meet us there with Max's towel. After Max jumped in and came back up we noticed a bunch of signs warning people not to jump in as the water was polluted quite badly. after this for the rest of the night max was freaking out thinking he was going to get sick and googling all the different illnesses he could get from it. We just kind of kept adding fuel to the fire by telling him he was screwed and was going to start growing extra limbs and stuff haha. Max - Getting a speeding ticket for going 87 in an 80km zone. Nathan - Playing out of Auckland.

What can we expect from you guys in the near future? Unfortunately Shay will be leaving us soon, which is a huge bummer for all of us but we are extremely grateful for all he has done with us, so we will be on the hunt for a new drummer soon. We just finished pre production for the EP we have been working on and will start tracking the songs very soon, Shay will be recording the drums with us before he leaves which is awesome as he really contributed to the material we have made and it wouldn't really feel right for us to not capture that.

Lastly - convince our readers to come catch you at ‘Auckland Will Be Laid To Waste’ in 3 words Robin - Break downs, spin kicks, best friends. Nathan - Free eternal erections. Lily - Crash Team Racing Max - Defend Pop Punk

Quick Fire

The one song I wish I wrote is... Robin - Garden of Sankhara by Monuments. That band really meant a lot for me when I was learning songwriting and this song really showed me that even if you are a crazy technical band, less is more sometimes. Nathan - The Final Episode - Asking Alexandria Max - Indonesia - August Burns Red Lily - Z Densetsu: Owarinaki Kakumei - Momoiro Clover Z

Three things I can’t live without are... Nathan - Coke, Oxygen, skin Max - Bikes, Defending Pop Punk, open notes Lily - Fried chicken, pho, Tekken

If I could only play music in one genre for the rest of my life it would be... Max - Probably metalcore/progressive metal because I find it most fun to play on guitar but. Pop punk is up there though although if I was just playing guitar in the genre I wouldn't want to do it forever. Robin - Progressive metal, the nature of it is to experiment and try new stuff, so it would keep me happy. Lily - Post-hardcore. I am das uber emo mans.

Three adjectives that describe my life are… Robin - Impulsive, chill, creative Max - active, nerdy, fun Lily - Dance, Gavin, Dance

If I held a world record it would be for…Robin - Losing a phone the most times in one party. Max - Having the most hobbies. Lily - The most powerful roundhouse kick in terms of weight to power ratio.

My first memory of loving music is… Robin - My sister used to show me a bunch of music and I owe a lot to that, but I remember hearing Metallicas “wherever I may roam” for the first time and being like “duuuuuuude”. the ambient intro into that chunky ass riff immediately got me hooked and I wouldn't stop listening to it. Max - Buying my first CD which was Linkin Park’s Meteora. Lily - Being introduced to Linkin Park by my older brother. I literally only listened to LP up until year 9.

The song of mine that I am the most proud of is… Robin - one you guys haven't heard yet! Max - Parallax Lily - Sovereign. It’s a song I wrote but tbh I’m mainly proud of it because the working title for the song was “Anus of God”.

My favourite venue I've ever played is… Robin - Kings arms, 100%. so many crazy bands have played there and I genuinely feel honoured to have been a part of it's story. Max - Kings Arms Lily - I’ve never played the Kings Arms but I wish I did. As a consolation, I’d say Valhalla in Wellington because WELLINGTON IS AN AWESOME CITY TO PLAY IN.

The ideal environment for me to create music in is… Robin - I used to say in my home recording set up, but now days as i'm getting into electronic production a lot more I sometimes really enjoy having a space with no distractions away from home, uni is great for that I find. Max - I’m just the classic bedroom soundcloud djent guitarist who just needs some monitors, an interface and a DAW with some decent plugins haha Lily - Alone in a room with a laptop that has Guitar Pro on it.

If I could have any two bands open for me they would be… Robin - Metallica and Slipknot... just to flex. Max - I feel awkward picking any bands to open for me because all the bands I think of are either equally as good or better Lily - The Jackson 5, and Momoiro Clover Z (But only with the OG line-up, they’re really not the same without Momoka)

(disclaimer: This interview was sent prior to Auckland Goes To Waste, and so the last question in the interview is now invalid. However I would like to testify that Crash Team Racing was very present, and I won 100% of the games that I played. If you didn’t make it along - you can read about it here)

Keep up to date with Once Foretold Facebook | Instagram | Spotify

Interview + Photo by Mandie Hailwood

[no2da]

@epaetaeya thaaank you for tagging me i love these games!!! (so many questions, so many ppl to tag... eh ↓ i dont even know 20 ppl)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

THE LAST:

1. Drink: cheapo cola right this moment 2. Phone call: my mom, on my birthday, when i was hanging over the toilet 3. Text message: 17 new ones in a groupchat i have yet to read.............. 4. Song you listened to: are you satisfied by marina and the diamonds.. :^) 5. Time you cried: ?? no idea. im so genki and i got the memory of a goldfish

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: ...... no 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: YES 8. Been cheated on: i dont think so 9. Lost someone special: lost in like, they died, or lost contact. cause i lost contact to many ppl who were important to me, but i dont think anyone close to me died yet 10. Been depressed: all the focking time m8 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: only once from cheap ass japo vodka

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: YELLOW, COBALT BLUE, emerald green 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: YES I LOVE YOU GUYS (HI) 16. Fallen out of love: i guess so, ive overcome a heartbreak 17. Laughed until you cried: probably, idk, i laugh a lot, and often until it hurts 18. Found out someone was talking about you: everyone talks about me :p 19. Met someone who changed you: i think i change a bit all the time, and of course my friends make a Postive influence on me <3 from getting out of the clinic last year in spring, to now, im in no way the same person 20. Found out who your friends are: i dont even know what this means ...

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all except 1 but not like i actually use facebook 23. Do you have any pets: my two kitty babies i miss them so much 24. Do you want to change your name: im fine i think 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: it was only a couple weeks ago!! we went downtown with friends and ate cake and i also died cause of a headache so bad i almost vomited 26. What time did you wake up: around 6 but i got up at 8 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: 漢字を勉強した 28. Name something you can’t wait for: see my kitties again ;;;;;;;;;; 29. When was the last time you saw your mom:  in april?? spring break 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my face lmao

31. What are you listening right now: my neighbors weird music

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lol i think not? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: a lot. most of all not being able to pet a cat right now 34. Most visited Website: (((((tumblr actually))) 35. Mole/s: yes. everywhere 36. Mark/s: i dont know..... 37. Childhood dream: marine biologist..... i used to dream of deep sea creatures and listening to whales  38. Haircolor: naturally its a fucking ugly blond but i dye it black cause im emo 39. Long or short hair: *burp* short 40. Do you have a crush on someone: my boyfriend i guess????? 41. What do you like about yourself: my curiosity in science 42. Piercings: no im too scared of bodymods 43. Bloodtype: ill find out soon :3c 44. Nickname: edi? 45. Relationship status: t-t-t-t-taken 46. Zodiac: cancer  47. Pronouns: its an it 48. Favorite TV Show: no watchy tv 49. Tattoos: someday maybe 50. Right or left hand: right.. 51. Surgery: not that i know of, my insides are untouched........ 52. Hair dyed in different color: had the blue hair once. remember?  53. Sport: i wanna but the depression. also im a körperklaus. volleyball is a lot of fun 54. (question wasn’t here) ???? ill just leave holly’s text here.. mysterious 55. Vacation: my friend took me to italy and croatia with her once but, nowhere else. i would love to travel  56. Pair of trainers: ? own a pair of nikes and new balance but i only ever wear my converse..

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i just finished the bag of chips i wanted to save as ‘’’study snack’’’’ 58. Drinking: cola 59. I’m about to: not do the dishes for another week 62. Want: to draw........ 63. Get married: idk. its not a dream ive had but i guess if im older and have someone i love  64. Career: stay in uni forever, keep learning all the different things, do research and field work, escape the harsh reality of capitalist work machine :^)

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: HUGS, KISSING ISNT THAT GREAT 66. Lips or eyes: eyes, dark eyes, nice and warm 67. Shorter or taller: short, same height as me 68. Older or younger: my age preferably??  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: pudding stomach and arms are nice too 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive cause im the loud one 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, im too touch-repulsed to do hook-ups  73. Troublemaker or hesitant: i dont know ;;;;

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: yea was bad 75. Drank hard liquor: ;) 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nop 77. Turned someone down: Yeaa 78. Sex on the first date: NO 79. Broken someone’s heart: i sure hope i did. 80. Had your heart broken: yeah, my fault  81. Been arrested: no my friends are too law abiding and im shy 82. Cried when someone died: no one ever dies  83. Fallen for a friend: bro of course

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: who 85. Miracles: are aliens miracles? yes. 86. Love at first sight: nop. its not possible, infatuation at first sight yeah 87. Santa Claus: no. corporate invention 88. Kiss on the first date: Noo

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Everyone Is My Best Friend 91. Eye color: brown;; 92. Favorite movie: dont know actually... i think a ghibli movie probably, cant decide

now lets tag.... @emergencybattle @awkwardcorner @kattekoor @ravenflawuniverse idk this are a lot of questions i hope i dont bother you guys

[aldkwofke]

Answer 11 and Ask 11

@defensivedad tagged me thx senpai

1. What song(s) do you listen to if you’re feeling emo-to-the-extremo?

Nothing bc I’m never emo my life is filled with sunshine and roses only

(Usually when I’m sad I’ll listen to like video game music or instrumentals for certain songs because some of them are really nice)

2. What do you feel very strongly about? (could be positive or negative)

Vaccines (there are some stupid people from my hs ok)

3. Is vigilante justice still justice?

kflfldaskfadsj idk don’t ask for my opinion on stuff like this

4. What genres of music do you listen to?

Mostly rap, but I don’t mind trap or EDM when I’m turnt

5. What are you terrified of?

Blood. One time, I had to draw blood for a class and I almost passed out in the middle of class. We had to prick our fingers and most people only had to prick their finger once for enough blood, but I wasn’t bleeding enough and I ended up having to prick four of my fingers lmao my teacher said I could use someone else’s blood for the experiment but I was like haha no I’m fine cri and everyone said I was super pale which is great because I’m super tan. It’s ok though because we made microscope slides using our blood and the school kept mine because they were nicely done, so all is well. I also got to keep a few too.

Like, fake blood I’m fine around and I can handle it when someone is badly injured and they need help but ya...

6. What is one thing you can work on to improve yourself?

I’m judgmental af when I meet new people lol like I try not to be but then it happens anyway but I’m working on it!

7. You find 80 bucks on the ground. No one is around you. What do you do?

Um take it???

8. Family vs. friends. Which ties are stronger?

Most recently, friends, because I’ve met some amazing people in the last year and I feel like I’ve gotten even closer to the people that I’m already friends with. 

9. What do you regret doing in the past 5 months?

One time, my roommates and I were pregaming for a party at our apartment and one of them accidentally dropped a shot glass down the garbage disposal, but none of us felt like trying to grab it at the time. The next morning, I got up and ate breakfast and I washed my dishes and I forgot the shot glass was still down there and I turned on the garbage disposal and I was slightly hungover from the night before so I kind of had a headache and it made the worst noise ever asdlkfakjldsf

10. Does the end justify the means?

Sure

11. Are you more of a heart breaker, or do you get your heart broken?

Uh, I don’t think I’ve broken anyone’s heart really idk aklsdjfkl and I don’t really get super attached to people that often so I can’t really say I’ve had my heart broken?? idk

I tag @gayparades @toxicroak @iavenjqasdf @chibi-pit @the-artist-trainee @thejerseydevile and if anyone else wants to do this, feel free to say I tagged you too!

1. Favorite type of bread? (Pandesal should be the only answer)

2. Ever learned how to play an instrument and, if so, which instrument?

3. Do you wear shoes when you walk around your living space?

4. Do you sing in the shower?

5. How did you meet your best friend (either online or in real life)?

6. When you unexpectedly see a friend at the grocery store, do you walk up and greet them, or do you run away and hide like me?

7. Do you think your western zodiac sign fits you well?

8. Weakest subject in school?

9. At buffets, do you sit and just enjoy the food, or do you try and make your money’s worth?

10. Own anything of sentimental value?

11. In the past year, what’s one decision you made that you feel like has affected your life for the better?

[097-2]

i’ve been transferred from pexeva to paxil last week, and i can’t tell what the difference is. i don’t know if things are working because i don’t even know how they’re supposed to work, i just feel fucking blurry all the time then i don’t know what i’m supposed to be like without the medication. i don’t feel like doing anything at all. i’ve wasted the entire day, not just today, yesterday, maybe friday, anything past yesterday seems hard to remember what i’ve really done. i can’t tell on what days i’ve done which things. i don’t know what i’ve done today. i’ve slept, eaten, studied, and all the while i kept a tv show running in the background. i don’t want to listen to music, and when the house is empty it feels weird as fuck so i need people’s voices around constantly to keep me distracted. 

   i don’t know what i want to do. i don’t want to sleep, because i don’t want tomorrow to come. i don’t feel like eating, because i don’t feel like cleaning, i don’t feel like showering, but i do anyway, twice a day, morning and night, because that’s the least i can do. i don’t feel like working or drawing, i don’t feel like going outside, i don’t feel like staying home, i don’t know, i don’t know. it’s not an awful emo phase where i’m like, shit, i don’t know what i want to do with my life. that’s not the problem here, i just don’t have the motivation to carry out the things i’m meant to do, and i only do them because i’m chased for time as the due date comes near. 

   i slept at 4 last night, and i don’t know what i was doing until then. i woke up at 11 today because some fucking kid was running around in the corridor, as if the apartment was their own private playground. then the concierge came up and made them shut the fuck up, which was good and bad at the same time. if i had gotten up then, then i might’ve gone to the library and had a productive day. but i didn’t, so i got to sleep a little more (until 1 or so), which gave me this idiotic headache that still persists to ring me until now.

   i haven’t felt like writing in a while (which is probably actually only about a week or so, i haven’t checked when i last typed up something so long) because everything seems so trivial and stupid. trivial things are what i’m meant to record, and i swear to fuck i’m not writing to please anyone else, so then that means there’s absolutely no point if they’re not pleasing to me at all. i’m so sure i’ll delete this too. when i write it’s about something positive or negative.

   maybe writing about positive things is harder than the later. i feel the need to add one very tiny detail like i’m writing some stupid novel, oh, i came home at lunchtime to open my letterbox then discovered her letter right there, and i was happy and then not at the same time because, etc. a lot of shit i posted, like photosets, say, probably originally had these massive paragraphs to go along with them. they went up, i probably deleted them two hours later without even looking back because i know they’re all forced responses (are they?), half made up to please myself (for what?), or i don’t know, stupid-sounding.

   then when i write about negative things - it sounds like this - fucking stupid! i’m whining everywhere, nothing but complaints, sure this is a ‘vent blog’, i’m supposed to let go of things here so i don’t weigh anyone else down. but i don’t feel like talking about anything at all, i don’t feel like saying anything serious because it makes me think, i don’t feel like thinking so i spit out random shit then i laugh a little, i look at people’s eyes like i’m really interested in what they’re saying then i catch a few words out of it so that i can ask questions later so they really do think i’m listening - but my mind’s off somewhere - nowhere! i’m nowhere at all, i’m just, rotting away where i’m standing.

[themousai]

Q+A: Once Foretold

Where did the name ‘Once Foretold’ come from? Robin and Nathan were always complete nerds growing up, and after like 2 weeks of really stupid names in the group chat Nathan found a Magic the Gathering card called “As Foretold” and one of us (can't remember who) decided to change the “As” to “Once” and that was that really. We were seriously pushed for time since we had our debut show not far after that and the band name was kind of the last thing on our minds at that point.

Where did you guys all meet? Nathan and Robin: We mostly met each other through school, Nathan (being a good friend to robin at the time, and just starting to learn how to scream) came along to a practice for Robin's old band called "Our Last Days" and we ended up making a band called "A Reflection of Yesterday" where we became mates with Lily through SFRQ and playing local shows (rip kings arms...). Nathan also used to play in a band called "Overseer" and that's where he met Max. We met shay after our first drummer Ross left us, he had just finished playing with Fire For Glory and I was at his last show with them where the frontman Josh said that if anyone wanted him for a band they should snatch him up quickly because of how good he was. A little while later we put out a post on facebook looking for a drummer and he hit us up.  Lily: I used to play in a post-hardcore band in high school called “Hello Headache” and when we did Smokefree Rockquest Nathan and Robin’s band “A Reflection of Yesterday” was at my local heats. They fucking killed it and I was their biggest fan haha. We actually ended up becoming really good friends over time. I asked Max to join the band when I happened to stumble across a guitar demo he posted to Soundcloud and asked if he was interested in joining the band. I met Shay at an EP release show I was playing with my other band REI back in 2017 at the UFO and I totally didn’t know how amazing of a drummer he was until I got him to audition. Will be sad to see him go after these last shows we have booked.

Where do you guys draw inspiration for your music? Robin: Periphery, Architects, Dali Thundering Concept Lily: Maximum the Hormone Max: Thornhill, Silent Planet, Erra Nathan: I draw inspiration from whatever the other guys listen to. Also Parkway Drive, and Killswitch Engage.

Do you find that the creation process of your music is equally collaborative? Or do certain members take on certain elements? Robin and Max: We make a basic layout and present it to the band where they'll tweak it from there during the learning process, we tend to give Nathan creative freedom vocally which tends to yield the best results as it's something most of us are not exactly familiar with doing.

You guys just completed a little run of North Island shows - if you could put together a full NZ tour featuring any other two NZ bands - who would they be? Robin: Seas of Conflict, Pale Flag Max: Pale Flag, Seas of Conflict Lily: Banks Arcade, Lookin Up Nathan: Cripple Mr. Onion, Liit

Do you have any fun stories to share from your tour? Robin and Lily: it was a reaaaallly cold windy day (like 4ºC) when we got wellington, but max decided he wanted to jump into the harbor from the jumping platform they have in front of te papa, he called Lily who was at our accommodation with the guys from REI and made him meet us there with max's towel. After max jumped in and came back up we noticed a bunch of signs warning people not to jump in as the water was polluted quite badly. after this for the rest of the night max was freaking out thinking he was going to get sick and googling all the different illnesses he could get from it. We just kind of kept adding fuel to the fire by telling him he was screwed and was going to start growing extra limbs and stuff haha. Max: Getting a speeding ticket for going 87 in an 80km zone. Nathan: Playing out of Auckland.

What can we expect from you guys in the near future? Unfortunately Shay will be leaving us soon, which is a huge bummer for all of us but we are extremely grateful for all he has done with us, so we will be on the hunt for a new drummer soon. We just finished pre production for the EP we have been working on and will start tracking the songs very soon, Shay will be recording the drums with us before he leaves which is awesome as he really contributed to the material we have made and it wouldn't really feel right for us to not capture that.

Lastly - convince our readers to come catch you at ‘Auckland Will Be Laid To Waste’ in 3 words Robin: Break downs, spin kicks, best friends. Nathan: Free eternal erections. Lily: Crash Team Racing Max: Defend Pop Punk

Quick Fire

The one song I wish I wrote is... Robin - Garden of Sankhara by Monuments. That band really meant a lot for me when I was learning songwriting and this song really showed me that even if you are a crazy technical band, less is more sometimes. Nathan - The Final Episode - Asking Alexandria Max - Indonesia - August Burns Red Lily - Z Densetsu: Owarinaki Kakumei - Momoiro Clover Z

Three things I can’t live without are... Nathan - Coke, Oxygen, skin Max - Bikes, Defending Pop Punk, open notes Lily - Fried chicken, pho, Tekken

If I could only play music in one genre for the rest of my life it would be... Max - Probably metalcore/progressive metal because I find it most fun to play on guitar but. Pop punk is up there though although if I was just playing guitar in the genre I wouldn't want to do it forever. Robin - Progressive metal, the nature of it is to experiment and try new stuff, so it would keep me happy. Lily - Post-hardcore. I am das uber emo mans.

Three adjectives that describe my life are… Robin - Impulsive, chill, creative Max - active, nerdy, fun Lily - Dance, Gavin, Dance

If I held a world record it would be for… Robin - Losing a phone the most times in one party. Max - Having the most hobbies. Lily - The most powerful roundhouse kick in terms of weight to power ratio.

My first memory of loving music is… Robin - My sister used to show me a bunch of music and I owe a lot to that, but I remember hearing Metallicas “wherever I may roam” for the first time and being like “duuuuuuude”. the ambient intro into that chunky ass riff immediately got me hooked and I wouldn't stop listening to it. Max - Buying my first CD which was Linkin Park’s Meteora. Lily - Being introduced to Linkin Park by my older brother. I literally only listened to LP up until year 9.

The song of mine that I am the most proud of is… Robin - one you guys haven't heard yet! Max - Parallax Lily - Sovereign. It’s a song I wrote but tbh I’m mainly proud of it because the working title for the song was “Anus of God”.

My favourite venue I've ever played is… Robin - Kings arms, 100%. so many crazy bands have played there and I genuinely feel honoured to have been a part of it's story. Max - Kings Arms Lily - I’ve never played the Kings Arms but I wish I did. As a consolation, I’d say Valhalla in Wellington because WELLINGTON IS AN AWESOME CITY TO PLAY IN.

The ideal environment for me to create music in is… Robin - I used to say in my home recording set up, but now days as i'm getting into electronic production a lot more I sometimes really enjoy having a space with no distractions away from home, uni is great for that I find. Max - I’m just the classic bedroom soundcloud djent guitarist who just needs some monitors, an interface and a DAW with some decent plugins haha Lily - Alone in a room with a laptop that has Guitar Pro on it.

If I could have any two bands open for me they would be… Robin - Metallica and Slipknot... just to flex. Max - I feel awkward picking any bands to open for me because all the bands I think of are either equally as good or better Lily - The Jackson 5, and Momoiro Clover Z (But only with the OG line-up, they’re really not the same without Momoka)

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Interview by Mandie Hailwood