#i got a busy-ish day tomorrow with family and work but it should be good vibes

[cato616]

THE TRANSFER (pt. 1)

succession x fem! reader

im so excited to do this one!! like i said before it's more general targeted (kendall, roman, shiv,,)

summary: You have been recruited at waystar mysteriously, no records of you, but no questions were asked tho; but how? who are you? You're part of the FBI that has been sent to get done an under cover assignment at the much troubled entertainment company, and to do that means getting close to the Roy family, starting with Logan's kids; kendall, shiv and roman. Good luck with that.

content: nothing more than business and cop-ish crossover talk

"Are you nervous?" Asked your superior as you were both sitting facing each other inside their office, having a last briefing before letting you go into where the beast was hiding. "honestly? no, Logan roy is pretty rough I hear, but come on, there's an obvious take here, I'm an agent ma'am, I don't think I should be nervous, should I?" You asked her with a curious tone but feeling a little cocky at the same time, and they chuckle. "no, I don't think you should be nervous, however, the whole thing about this, is that you should seem like you are." She stood up as she straightened her arm to shake your hand to then dismiss you, you shake their hand. "I think so too." as you smirk showing off your confidence. "good luck, agent... the other agent will have you escorted with all the equipment you'll get to need from now on, so, farewell."

You gave a last greeting to your superior to then get out of the office to have the other agent waiting for you outside, with some instructions.

"good morning agent n/y." You would think everyone in here would wear the basic fbi jumper and clothing but at the criminal investigation division, the majority wears the suit and tie, with a badge of course, including yourself. "follow me." The agent ordered, you complied and followed him to a car, to drop you off where you will be living in the next few weeks, maybe months, depending how well you'll do your job. "this is how it will go." You were both sitting at the back of the car, with another agent driving the car; he's about to get your instructions given. "back at the trunk you have a luggage, inside, new clothes, plain corporate clothing, then, badge... you'll want to keep that on the low, probably have to keep it somewhere safe, and as for the safety, your gun, it is also a command that you'd keep it safe with your badge, if things go sideways... and one last thing, this phone." He gives it to you. "oh really nice this is" you replied with a sarcastic voice. "it is an old phone, but, untraceable, objectively to make the calls... it has a direct line to the commission and the office, that's all you need, good luck."

He dropped you off at a hotel, basically on the other side of the block, where Waystar was. You got to your room, started organizing what was inside your luggage. Clothes were fine, badge and gun inside a safe. You were having everything in order when suddenly you get a call from the phone you were given, you answered it, and you hear the voice of your superior on the other side. "hope your accommodating well at your new place agent." You hear them smiling. "this is better than expected I'd say." your voice was very, disciplinary you could say. "well I wanted to make the first call myself to double check before you start your work." You accidentally nodded first, but then answered. "absolutely." you replied. "Waystar has a lot of delicate information as we discussed, you'll have to look for old records, since they won't have anything on a hard drive, and for that you'd need access to most of it at the building, so we had to do some arrangements about that, making you transfer as a low profile corporate assistant, low enough to keep you off the grid, high enough to let the investigation proceed... somewhere with the clothing you'll find your own key card to enter the facility and start your day, tomorrow." Everything you heard, you heard it already, since it was a double check, except for the key card, but found it as where it was supposed to be. "I do have a question." You wanted to ask something practically off mission. "you may ask." Your superior politely responded. "why not raid Waystar? and not infiltrate like I'm doing, make it quick as possible." There was only silence on the other side. "... not yet, at least, agent... sleep well tonight, you start tomorrow." You understood their input without having to make another question about it. They hung up the call, and you were standing there, all quiet, thinking about your mission, your loneliness you will have to experience for the next few weeks you hope, nothing more than you, and an old phone to contact the only people you know.

aw man, why do I do this to myself.

After a long well slept night, you wake up with a sunny day, and that's at least the first good thing to start up your day pretending you're just an innocent transfer. You dressed up with what you had, and before leaving, checked the safe one last time, you locked it, and left the hotel.

You weren't feeling nervous, you were doing your job as an fbi agent, you could feel scared from time to time, but nervous like that? never. You were arriving to the floor you were requested to first enter. The elevator's door opened, and slowly got into the world of madness. this is oddly nice tho. You caught what it appeared to be an assistant going out of an office, having a tablet on her hand, that's the only thing that made you think, she's the one I gotta talk to. You walked towards her, you targeted her like as the main object of the mission, like a fucking robocop; however your face changed right away as soon as you started to get her attention.

"Hey!" Warmly greeted her with a fake smile as you tapped her shoulder from behind. She turned around, disoriented with your presence and impression. "who are you-" You cut her off, answering her almost instantly. "yes I suppose I'm new here... where...?" You looked around trying to seem clueless, but wearing that fake smile still. "oh! yeah... I got sent over some of your information today." As she looked on her tablet. "follow me." You followed the lady, to an empty office, with the big windows providing the best view you have ever seen of the city. "Mr roy should be here shortly." Mr. roy? which one...? The assistant closed the door of the office while you were standing there, without a clue of what was about to happen. Meanwhile, this empty office has a lot of paper lying around, for you to start digging. You walked over some shelves, lot of binders with different dates. You were almost about to grab one... suddenly that Mr. Roy finally came in, you didn't jump since you're an specialist at not jump? however this is your first undercover mission, at least you didn't ruin it on day one.

"oh... roman roy." It was roman who came in, looking very professional, suits and a big office in solitude, checks out I guess?. "What... were you doing over there, you're looking very suspicious..." shit. what? what do I say?. "So sorry I was... uh checking out, the pictures! over there." you had to improvise that and luckily, those pictures were right next to the binders, if not, you wouldn't have come up with that. Roman stayed put, staring at you, and out of the blue, a slight giggle came out, and then burst into a quiet laugh. "you should've seen your face, you look so tense, please don't shit yourself, we have a bathroom for that." As he continued to walk over his desk. oh now i remembered what they told me about him. "oh no need to sit actually, you can just stand up." He was making this impossible for you not to kill the man you just met, but it was important to seem welcoming for this people. You were waiting for him to say something, give you some information, instructions, anything; he was just sitting on his chair, with both legs on top of the desk, feeling like a king, a bit cocky. All he did was to check you out, eyes going from head to ass. You could say something, but deep down you knew how significantly more powerful you were over him, and something about how little and incompetent he is next to you, made you not care about his sneaky eyes.

"Roman! dude, what are you doing." You hear another voice from behind, it was the other Mr Roy who just entered the office and yelled at roman. "get out of my office." it's his office?? You looked over roman, how he played you into thinking he was the Mr Roy you were expecting. "yeah sorry about that, I didn't know you were supposed to be here, but I think it was funny... do you think it was funny, Ken?" Kendall seemed overly annoyed by him. "just get out rome." He would open the door for him. "honestly I was getting into something over here... but I can, come back? yeah?" He shrugged when asking while looking at you, but it was more of an rhetorical question, and then left the room.

"Very sorry about that, my brother-" You stopped kendall from talking any longer, wasn't his fault. "no worries, it's all good." He would smile at you, relived you wouldn't tell him off; showed his hand pointing to your chair, to make you sit, and so did he. "So, this is simple, I heard you were positioned as general assistant here... for basic stuff, that you will get to know them soon enough." Lets you know what kind of job, however, he was taken back a little bit, as if something was out of please, looking over your file, reading every line. "but... I don't know how have called yo-" You interrupted him once again, but this time, you were almost getting busted. "may I ask, how general are we talking about?" As you lean over to make the impression you were interested on his answer. "...yes! you'll hear about, me, roman, probably Tom Wambsgans from ATN downstairs, our sister Shiv Roy, and last but not least, the man, the one and only, my father... I'd say that's pretty general." You looked like you've found gold, it was fantastic. "great!" You zoned back in, stopped the creepy smile you were having when thinking how easily he was letting you access to everything... perfect, very clever from my superior. "You wanna know the others? before starting freshen up tomorrow." Dude couldn't make it more easier for you. "absolutely." You both stood up, ready to give you a tour of the place.

You first went down to the ATN division, where you found Tom and roman talking to each other. "hey guys, im making this quick, this is our new assistant, she'll be working for some of us." Kendall introduces you as you were impatiently looking over Roman and Tom, waiting for a response, but roman took the shotgun on that. "we meet again, nice to meet you." He stretched his hand out, for you to shake it, while having his eyes pierced, fixed on you. "y-yes, it's nice to meet you too." Tom cut him off to shake your hand as well, and wow he's tall. Roman was a tiny bit annoyed by Tom's doing. "you don't want to shake that hand, he just jerked off himself." Your eyes widened open while having an uncomfortable smile. Tom laughs nervously. "Oh roman, he's just being an asshole..." He looked over him, a bit raged up, but nicely looked back at you. "so what is that you assist?... coffee?.." Kendall was about to answer that but you replied first. "everything you need." Smiled mischievously. "well that's nice, it's nice to have you." Kindly said Tom. "well that was it, I'll leave you be, let's go y/n." As soon as roman heard your name, instantly stared back at you, honestly it was driving you insane.

"We're now heading to the big office... you know, my dad looks scary but he's all tender on the inside... so don't feel on edge, it's all good." You start observing Kendall, and if you learned something over the years interrogating people, you know when someone is lying...

You were getting closer to the office, you were behind kendall, haven't got the whole view in front of you, until he moved to the left when both of you came in, to then present you. "hey dad, do you got a minute? this is-" "not now!" Logan roy was in front of you, and he just yelled at his son on your presence; you knew he was a difficult man, yet it did make you staggered. "hey kendall, come..." Shiv roy appeared from behind, oh my god does everyone in this family pops up like that? Kendall seemed interested to know what was going on in there, with Logan shaken up, and the rest of his team looking very uptight, running around, corner to corner. Shiv took you out of the office to have a word. "now it may be not a good time." Kendall was perplexed. "what- why? what do you mean?" Shiv looked over Kendall's shoulder to see you from behind. "who is that?" Kendall took a step back, to stand next to you. "she'll be working for us, I was just showing her around for today, I had a break, so... she will assist you too." You smile at her very warmly. "oh, that's great, I guess... uhh, so anyway I was telling you-" Shiv's voice got lower, notifying Kendall the situation. "Dad and the gang are trying to solve an issue, about... some accusations." Your ears suddenly started to work ten times better than before, you had their full attention. "and are they... fixable?" Kendall asked in a coded way. "I think so, it's all very new, so we haven't played out a strategy yet-... where's our assistant?" Kendall and Shiv looked around as if a wizard just vanished out of thin air. "must've gone to bathroom?... I mean, they don't usually tell us what they do..." Shiv doubtedly agreed with Kendall.

After all, Kendall was right, you did go to the bathroom, but not to use it. You took out of your purse your work phone, and made a call. "agent y/n, number 472... I have recent information to notify the inspector..."

[masterserris]

.

[delu-jean]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧: 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐔𝐩 𝐓𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮

(Jea x fem!/reader) -> Angst -> 4.2k 

XII > XIV

You and Reiner picked some flowers. They lay in one of the baskets you brought. They sat beautifully, making you reminisce the night Jean had given you that violet. Though these flowers were a lot larger, and the hue was more vibrant, the meaning behind that violet shone brighter than those characteristics combined. You grinned at such a thought, while Reiner kept on climbing the tree. 

You felt bad since you weren’t helping him gather the apples. Someone needed to hold the basket, making sure they didn’t touch the ground. Since the tree was becoming more barren as the years passed, the less fruit it would bear. So, you had to make sure no apples went to waste. Still, watching him do all of that hard work made you feel guilty. He reassured you (before), saying that it was better for him to actually do something right (since he trampled a lot of plants when picking flowers). So you let him be. Watching as each fruit fell. 

“It’s been a while...do you remember this place, Y/n?” 

“Of course I do…” you then gazed at the scenery in front of you. Being reminded of that one moment, that last moment you had felt such peace in Marely. The moment where Bertholdt had scurried to get you, the moment where you never thought that things would take such a turn. 

You looked at Reiner to see the guilt which struck him. Not only that, but the guilt then crept onto you. That peace was one which could never come back, along with Bertholdt himself. You felt burdened to say the least. Knowing how his best friend had died, yet not being allowed to tell him (since Jean’s cover would blow). It saddened you knowing how much weight was on his shoulders. Never knowing what had truly happened, but instead, escaping with survivor’s guilt. 

“Ah, two coming!” 

“Got it!” you caught them in your basket. Time passed as more apples stacked. He then decided to break the silence once again. 

“Do you ever wish that we could be kids again?” 

“Of course I do,” he nods in agreement. 

“If I could change one thing...just one of the many things in our childhood...it would be the fate we held in the military. Wishing things could have been different, and that you all could’ve been here,” you noticed how he didn’t say “we,” but instead said “you.” That meant he had wished you were all here, but not necessarily himself. You were going to question him, until he spoke yet again. 

“For Bertholdt to see such a sight. To see how grown the both of us have become, and...to see his family...just once more. Maybe even confess to Annie if he had the guts to,” you saw the pained expression he had which made you feel the same. 

“Bertholdt would be happy for us, especially since we’ve grown so much with the time given.” 

---

“Yeah...I guess so,” he then picked the last of the apples and came down. In the process, one of the better apples fell, cracking with the contact of the ground. Funny enough, it reminded you of Bertholdt. Since he unfortunately was one, if not, the sweetest apple. One who just had to fall far from the tree above.  

You both stepped into your house. Feeling tired as your arms limped, along with Reiner’s. You started to look around, wanting to see if Jean was at home. Lurking through the bedroom, and even checking your closet. Unfortunately (for you) he wasn’t. It’s almost as if he was gone with the wind. You felt a little bummed as Reiner stepped into the kitchen. Placing the baskets down, and washing his hands (readying himself for the session yet to come). He then asked you in a loud tone, hoping you would hear. 

“What are you doing Y/n?” 

“Oh, I’m looking for a pot!” you shouted back. 

“In your bedroom?” 

“Haha, yeah,” you were still feeling upset...but then remembered that you were the person who told him to leave (secretly regretting it qwq). 

You then walked over to Reiner, ready to help him make the pie. You both washed the apples, peeled, and chopped them. Reiner was a little klutzy with the knife, handling it like a weapon in battle. You found it quite funny, and guided his hands. Hoping he wouldn’t cut himself. To your surprise he didn’t, and ended up seasoning the fruit with different spices, sugars, and ingredients. When that was done, you put him in charge of kneading the crust. You (of course) mixed and measured the ingredients, and after doing so, told him to be gentle with the dough. Hoping his rough hands would maintain, and not ruin such a delicacy. 

You started to heat the filling as you monitored him from afar. He really was a quick learner, yet still needed to work on some of his skills. You wondered how Jean would’ve made the pie. If he would’ve added his own flare, or crust designs. Just thinking about it made you excited, hoping you both could someday. Reiner then started to roll, and place the crust. You both then finished your tasks. Thrilled with the results of your hard work. 

“Phew, thanks for your help Reiner.” 

“No problem. That was...a lot harder than I thought it would be.” 

“Mhm...oh yeah! I left some filling here for you. I tasted it and thought it wasn’t sweet enough, but I kept it that way since you know...Bertholdt preferred ‘natural’ sugars,” you smirked as Reiner tried a spoonful. 

“Haha, yup. Reminds me of Bertholdt. Also it's really tasty.” 

“That’s good! Okay, let’s put it away now,” you put both the filling, and crust away. Letting both rest separately so you could bake them tomorrow (before meeting the families). 

“I’ll pop it in the oven before leaving.” 

“Sounds good. Thanks for letting me help...or contribute at least. Sorry if I was a nuisance.” 

“Haha no, thanks for helping in general. Two pairs of hands are better than one, and you gave loads of help,” he then smiled, slipping his coat and shoes on. 

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow.” 

“No, I insist. I’ll come instead. You’ve been walking me home a LOT as of recently. Let me come get ya instead,” he seemed hesitant when you answered. Not sure as to why, you tried asking hoping you could hear his reasons. But instead he pestered you, insisting on grabbing you instead. Now you could understand Jean (in some way). Not being able to understand him directly...was making you feel frustrated. Not only that, but you weren’t able to understand why he was acting like that. 

Regardless, you eventually gave it. Though you found it suspicious, you decided to say no more. Not wanting to add tension, and instead, respecting his choice. 

“Okay fine. Get me near ten-ish?” 

---

“Alright, sounds good.” 

You got up, did your morning routine, got dressed, and had a filling meal. Each year, you and Reiner didn’t wear anything formal. Rather, you both stuck with a simple semi-formal outfit (didn’t want to be too formal, nor too casual). You never wore the same clothing, but rather, switched it up while trying to stay coordinated. This year, you decided to match in white, and beige. You wore a dress shirt, your sleeves puffed, filled with lace, two ribbons (on each side), a beige skirt which reached your legs, and a straw hat. While Reiner wore a beige cardigan, beige slacks, a dress shirt, along with a fleece vest. Though it was a semi-hot day, it was hotter than cold. So he decided to hold his cardigan for the majority of the time. He also brought a black leather watch, and a brown fedora (type of hat). You decided not to go all out since you wanted your interactions to seem civil. Nothing up top to make the families feel comfortable. 

You first went to the Galliard’s. Porco was home and didn’t seem happy with Reiner being there. Though there was some awkward tension, Reiner did his best to ignore any dirty glances. Trying to remember this visit wasn’t about Porco, but instead, Marcel. 

“You know, Marcel was a boy with less aspirations for himself, but instead for the people around him,” Mr. Galliard stated. 

Last night, Jean didn’t make his way back. You were a tad sad. Not being able to sleep with him there...felt unnatural. You really didn’t feel at ease in your own home. Constantly wondering where he was, if he was okay, or if he really had business. You honestly weren’t sure, but regardless, tried sleeping since today was important. 

“I never saw my son as a child, rather, the embodiment of an adult. One with the thoughts, and responsibility of a grown man. I felt, and still do feel guilty though...he never got the chance to be one. To experience the childhood he should have.” 

“Mhm,” you nodded after he said that. 

“I truly regret not making him live the life of a child, and it pains me that he was instead forced to be an adult,” his wife then put a hand on her husband’s. Giving him a stare out of grief, yet relief as she then eyed the both of you. 

“If my son had seen where you both are, he would be proud. He would be amazed with the work you both put in, and know that we are as well. We’ve seen the work Reiner puts in with Porco, doing his best to serve Marley with their titans. Along with you, Y/n. As you encourage and guide the Eldians to be the best they can. Both in the battlefield, and themselves personally. We truly are indebted, and hope you two will continue in the work you do for as long as possible.” 

“Ah I see, I’m glad our efforts have paid off. I have to agree though, Marcel truly was a great person-” 

“Tch,” Porco snarled as his mother then elbowed him. Reiner then continued to talk. Telling the three about the gift chosen, how you both thought it would suit Marcel, and who he was. Not just a comrade, but a dear friend as well. The pendant shone beautifully, and had a glint just like Marcel’s. The framing around the jewel caved around like it was a crown. Smooth, and precise edges, along with a clean finishing. The back also had an engraving of his name, along with leather straps which could detach. Framed in the box it came with and accompanied by two letters. 

“You can read them whenever you would like. Although, I do recommend doing so when alone,” you told them, and then made your way to the door. Porco decided to escort you out. Though both you, and Reiner expected a cold gesture, he instead gave you an unexpected one. 

“Thanks...for the gift. It means a lot.” 

---

“Yes of course, no need to thank us,” Reiner responded for the door to then shut. 

You both went to Annie’s house, hoping her father would be home. To your dismay...he wasn’t there...like always (on that day specifically). You tried knocking the door yet again, but to your “shock,” there’s no response. You see...on this day specifically, he refused to see either of you. He knew that your gestures were filled with good intent, but just...couldn’t bring himself to do it. He would always see you both whenever else, knowing that the topic wouldn’t arise. 

“Let’s get going...Mrs. Hoover is expecting us.” 

---

“Got it...Y/n.” 

Still, it saddened you to say the least. The poor man was so hurt, and he couldn’t bring up the topic. Though you wanted to console him, even with the time given, it seemed like it wasn’t going to happen. You placed the box on his doorstep, leaving a note telling him of the gift, and why you chose it. Hoping he would keep it with him, and store it safely. 

“Ah Y/n, Reiner! I haven’t seen you both in a while! Come, come inside!” Bertholdt’s mother said, for the both of you to enter their house. Pulling out chairs while her husband did the same. His father then started to brew tea, while the three of you (Reiner, you, and Mrs. Hoover) sat down. 

“How have you been?” 

“And I as well,” Mr. Hoover then placed the tea. The two lovers smiled at each other, and then sat beside one another. You were glad they weren’t in tears, nor upset. His parents (surprisingly) seemed to have taken his death unexpectedly. Not as something light hearted, nor sympathetic, but rather...very “well” in your opinion. They mourned when you had returned with no trail of Bertholdt, but got themselves together. Making good of his passing instead of sulking. 

Reiner then pulled out the basket of apples, handing it to them. While you showed the bouquet full of flowers. You also held the pie in your hands while his mother went to grab a vase. 

“It looks lovely Y/n, I’m assuming you used the apples?”

“Oh, I’ve been well,” you responded. 

“Yes ma'am. Bertholdt’s favourite.”

“Speaking of my dear son, my one and only child… Oh how he loved such delicacies. I wish I made him more when he was with us. Not only that, but he was one himself, and I wished we would’ve handled him with more care. Being more fragile with such a thing….” 

You see, his parents were really invested into the whole “Honorary Marleyin,” and “warrior candidate” events. They just wanted their son to exceed, and to know that he could go above and beyond. But in said process, instead of doing that...it gave the opposite effect. Making him feel less if anything. He knew they loved him, but their encouragement...seemed more discouraging to Bertholdt if anything. Disregarding his feelings, and thoughts to the opposition, convincing him that he was strong enough and could do it. 

Never considering his doubts, nor fears. Instead, brushing them off and telling him he could excel. There was no comfort whatsoever, instead, expectations and tension which were burdened to him...and him alone. 

“That was probably why he was so timid...because of how we treated him…. I truly do regret such a thing, but I was relieved to hear how he was a great and loving person to the both of you. Even if we didn’t get what “we wanted” from him, he received the things that he wanted for himself. Pushing himself to his limits, and persevering...without us.” 

“Yes, he truly was an amazing person. The closest friend I’ve ever had,” Reiner said with a sincere tone. The father then stepped in, saying: 

“Bertholdt would’ve loved to see how you both had grown to be so mature, understanding, and great in general.” 

“Since he loved you both so dearly, he also would’ve been glad at the decision you two are making, about becoming one. Also, congratulations on that. I hope you both have the happiest of times while you can. Though, I won’t lie, I wished Y/n were the one to marry Bertholdt (she said jokingly). But even so, I’m happy for both of you. Reiner, you’ve got yourself one lucky lady, and Y/n, you a lucky man.” 

“Yeah...I guess so,” Reiner responded. 

---

You then thought to yourself. Would Bertholdt actually be content with the engagement? Though his mother had thought “yes,” you had thought “no.” He probably would’ve opposed, saying that the marriage would’ve been pointless, and unsettling. That being the case, his opinion gave you yet another reason for your opposition. 

You both were done for the day, and were relieved for that. You were glad that two out of the three were there, liked the gifts given, and that you were able to show respect towards your comrades. So being that, you both were now walking. Yes, your destination would be home, but you weren’t sure as to what detours would be made. Both you and Reiner actually. One thing you were sure about, was that the man beside you seemed frustrated. Even though he should've relaxed since your tasks had just finished. 

“Y/n, I don’t want to assume...but…were you the person who might’ve leaked things?” 

“Oh...no. It wouldn’t make sense for me to, in all honesty…” 

But then at the same time, she might’ve assumed so because of how long you were taking. Thinking you must’ve made a decision (by now) and just didn’t want to be vocal about it. Of course, that wasn’t the case and you made it clear to Reiner. He then decided to switch up the conversation, trying to avert from the unwanted thought. 

“I forgot to ask, but were you able to get home safely that night?” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“That means...oh gosh,” that’s when you both realized that the only person who could’ve, and would’ve done so...was his mother. You also remembered what Alexandra said, about his mother being ecstatic about the engagement. That point secured your thoughts. She was probably very excited, and had no malicious intent involved. She just wanted the best for her son, and you as well (thinking Reiner was the best for you). Regardless, it kind of annoyed you. Especially since you hadn’t made the decision, and she inferred you had instead of asking/confirming. 

“That’s good.”

“And you?” 

“Yeah, I did. I walked Gabi home first, then made my way.” 

“Ahh I see,” yout both walked further for him to ask:

“Where were you the morning after? I thought you’d be at HQ, like you always are.” 

“Ah well…” you couldn’t tell him about Jean, so instead, told him about Alexandra. 

“Well, a friend of mine came over. We caught up and….” you couldn’t say that you were talking about him (his looks to be more specific), so instead, brought up the first few things which came to mind. 

“She um, congratulated me.”

“Oh really?” he seemed glad and you went on. 

“Not only that, but that most of the town knows…and that your mother seems ecstatic.”

“Oh no…” You then saw a burdensome look on his face. 

“Haha yeah. She also asked if I had a wedding dress, or ring. Which I found kind of funny-” He immediately cut in. 

“So what was your response?” 

“That I have neither.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Hm?...the real question is, what do you mean Reiner?” you then stared at the gentleman, awaiting for his answer. 

“Oh...it’s just that...you do have one.” 

“What?..” 

“Not a dress of course, but a ring.” 

He then Proceeded to tell you that he did have one ready. He felt guilty knowing that you had told her “no.” He thought that maybe you had felt bad, being that your answer was “no,” even though he did have one prepared. After all, ladies did take marriage as a big deal. And even though it was one out of friendship, he didn’t want to make you feel left out. Being considerate of such a big event. 

Though you could’ve (and most likely would’ve) married someone after Reiner, it still was your first wedding. And your first anything should always be taken seriously. 

“If I knew you were going to be bombarded with the other ladies bothering you...I would’ve given it sooner,” he fished a box out of his pocket, and handed it to you. 

You then opened it to see a fairly modest design. It was a simple gold band. One with a centered jewel in an oval shape. There were also two other smaller stones which accompanied the ring, and the band sat in a black, velvet box. It was a very beautiful ring, and Reiner could tell you liked it (based on how you sat in awe). He was glad he got such a ring, knowing how simple you could be, and that it seemed to suit your personality. 

“I’m sorry for not being able to get you better, but I hope that it’ll be enough for you to show other ladies. And hopefully...you don’t feel the need to humble yourself when with others,” you could feel the sincerity coming from him, and were thankful. But...you ultimately just...couldn’t accept such a gesture. 

“I’m sorry Reiner...but I can’t accept this.” 

“Oh, why is that?” 

“I just...can’t,” he then took the hint, and instead asked: 

“Is it because you aren’t sure yet?” you then nodded, not giving him anymore context. He also did the same. Nodding and letting you be. 

“But I insist...you should keep it.”

“Oh, really? And why is that?” 

“Well haha, my mother will pester me less. But of course, only if you want. If not, I can take it back. I understand your decisions, and will respect them for when you’re ready.” 

---

“You know what...sure, why not,” you didn’t want to be rude, and you also wanted to be less of a burden.

 After receiving the box, Reiner does what he thinks is best. He shields you from others on your walk through town. Although they found his gestures quite adorable, he thought the opposite, but was glad there was no attention regarding the ring. Covering the box made you tense less, and his efforts were greatly appreciated. He understood the townspeople's intentions, but didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.  

“Hey reiner...when it comes to deciding, how much time do you think I have?” 

“According to what my mother said...maybe a couple months. That is...if you want to have a um...child of course. If not, really whenever. As long as I don’t die,” he chuckled and you nod, laughing yourself. 

“I see, well...I’ll be sure to relay my decision whenever.” 

You took notice of how tired Reiner was. His eyes drowsy, posture limp, and in general, was very out of energy. You decided to halt, stopping in front of him. Making his pace lessen as you stood still. 

“Why do you look so tired? I know it’s not because of any drills,” you laughed as he looked to the side. 

“Don’t worry too much about it...it’s nothing.” 

“Yeah, of course.”

“Come on Reiner...tell me! I feel like I play a part in it…. I’m not sure as to what, but yeah,” he then looked back at you. Though he contemplated his thoughts, he decided to be honest. 

“Okay fine. As of recently, I've been pushed around by my mother, a couple elders, along with the civilians, and troops in general. Meeting whenever my mother arranged things, taking the time to accept gifts, being congratulated, and having conversations even when I don’t have the time. Though it should be fun, it’s really not. Especially when the warriors are on my ass for being late, and then I show up to meetings with a bunch of gifts. At first they were okay with everything, but as time progressed, they were uh...pissed with my appearances.” 

You felt bad. Your delay was really taking a toll on Reiner, yet you felt like you couldn’t give him your answer. The pressure was immense, you would be letting people down, and the Braun’s would be in an awkward (gossip-ish) position after your rejection. But then again, you didn’t want to marry him anymore. You had Jean now, plus, Reiner was only doing his best  since he wanted to make things right. Being your friend, trying to help build a future that might satisfy you when he’s gone. Imagining you living alone without benefits he could’ve provided, made him feel guilty. He already put you through so much, and although this wasn’t a huge step to redemption, it was one skid closer. 

But honestly, you cared less (for the marriage, not his efforts). If you said no, the entire thing would be off his plate. Yet...you felt bad seeing how much effort he put in. You saying no would mean all of that effort being drawn to waste. You then decided to ask him what he would do with both responses. Towards both rejection, and the acceptance of his proposal. 

“Reiner...what would you do if I said yes?” 

“To my proposal?”

“Mhm.”

“Well I would marry you,” he smirked at such an obvious question. Not making fun of you, rather, just pointing out the obvious. 

“Oh...yeah haha. Anything else though?” 

“Maybe have a child...I mean of course, like I said...it’s up to you” seemed embarrassed to bring up the subject, which made you laugh. 

“Okay...then what would you do if I said no?” 

“Honestly I’m not sure, but, if that’s what will make you happy, so be it. If you want to love someone else, I won't stop you. If you want to love yourself, and you alone, I will support you. No matter what you do...I just want to be a good friend is all. Make up for all I’ve done.” 

Just through that, you saw how serious Reiner was when taking this path to redemption. Though, not in the way you would have both envisioned, he was truly trying his best. Being a good friend, and doing his best to get you what, and where you needed to go. You were very touched by his sincerity, and words in general. Reiner was truly a great friend. Though questionable at times, and it would take time for you to wholeheartedly trust him, he was getting there. And would probably at one point. 

“Thanks Reiner.” 

“No need to. I’m content either way, so it’s really up to you.” 

XII > XIV

[oddsnendsfanfics]

It’s the Best Time of The Year

Genre: Fan Fiction (Night Hunter) Pairing: Lt Walter Marshall /Reader Warnings: Pure Fluff! Get your sweet tooth ready! Rating: G Length: Drabble Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.  

A/N: A little fluffy, okay a lot of fluffy, Christmas-ish Walter. 

Henry Cavill Master List

From outside the house, Walter could hear Holly Jolly Christmas blaring throughout, unlocking the door and trudging inside he kicked the snow off his boots before leaving them on the mat beside the front door. Typically, this would lead to him lecturing you about being aware of your surroundings. Anybody could break in and...he stopped seeing you and his daughter attempting to waltz through the kitchen.

Racks of cookies were littering the counter tops, various sized boxes took up what cookies didn't. Squares, pies, and handmade chocolates took up even more space on the table, spilling into the dining room. Someone had been busy. Blissfully unaware of his presence, you and Faye continued to laugh and dance. Aprons and cheeks covered in flour. Faye's dark hair had splatters of red icing here and there.

Foregoing the lecture, Walter gave in – this once. Watching for a few more seconds before clearing his throat to alert you of his presence.

“Walt!” You exclaim letting go of Faye, the two of you giggling like crazy, “You're home early.” You rush to give him a quick peck.

“Harper forced me out.” His laugh is soft and deep. Eyeing you and his daughter, he raises his brow. “Did I interrupt, ladies?”

“Not at all. We were working on dinner, while finishing up some baking.” You answer happily, smiling wide. The music continues to play, at a lower level, thanks to Faye.

“Hey dad.” The teenager hugs her father tightly. Kissing the top of her head, Walter takes a deep breath resting his chin there for a moment. “So, off early. Did Hell freeze over?”

“Language.” Walter mumbles, nudging her. “And no. I am home early, because I have decided to take a few days off. Harper decided I should start early. Come home and enjoy the chaos.”

“Excuse me?” Faye is wide eyed. “Did I hear that right? You, my father, Walter Marshall, are taking a few days off? Dad, are you dying?”

“No,” Chuckling Walter shakes his head. Sliding his arm around you, he pulls you closer. “I had some time to use and decided to spend Christmas home. Is that a big deal?”

Giggling, you wink at Faye indicating that there is more to this story than her father is telling her. Tapping her foot on the tiled floor, Faye wrinkles her nose. She's not buying it. No where in her memory, did she recall her father taking time off.

“Uh huh. Right, okay.” Rolling her eyes she scoffs.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Walter glances at you.

“Because you never take time off. Ever.” You answer for Faye.

When Walter had told you that he wanted to take Christmas off, it was startling. He rarely took time off and always worked the holidays. Faye would stay with her mother, while Walter practically lived in his office. “Crime doesn't take Christmas off.” He would fuss. In the four years that you had known Walter, two that you were together, he hardly took time off for anything.  Upon further discovery, it seemed nobody could remember the last time the Detective took more than a day off. A whole week off, including Christmas, this really was some sort of Christmas Miracle.

“Which is why I have decided to take the time. Is it a crime that I want Christmas with my family?”

“No.” Faye shrugged. Stirring the sauce in the pot, Faye sighed. She was not buying whatever her father was selling.

“Why don't you run up, get changed, and we will have dinner nearly ready by then.” You gently pat Walter's chest, giving him another quick kiss. “Go, we can marvel at the impossible when you come back down.” Not missing the chance to tease him.

Shaking his head and muttering about what terrible influences you and Faye were on one another, Walter returned the kiss, before turning on his heel and heading to change out of his office attire. Downstairs you and Faye had reverted back to your antics, tossing a piece of lettuce at her you laughed when she smacked you with the salad spoon. Walter would pretend to ignore it, but you knew that he enjoyed the chaos. He especially loved that you and Faye got on so well.

He would tell you every time she came over, how much he loved that she had decided to love you as much as he did. It was pretty hard not to love her back. When you had started dating Walter, you knew he had a daughter, and an ex-wife. Both, who at times, gave him grief. You had quickly worked out that it wasn't in a malicious intent, they simply worried about him. Especially Faye.

“My god that smells fantastic,” Walter commented walking through the house to rejoin his family.

“Faye made it,” You beamed with pride, arms wrapping around Walter's torso. You loved how warm he always was. Even more so since the winter had once again came. Snuggling into his side, you felt him relax while you watched Faye finish dinner.

“And who made all these?” He gestured to the baking.

“It was a joint effort.” Looking over her shoulder from the stove, Faye answered with a smile. “We're taking some down to the station tomorrow.”

“They will love that,” Walter smiled softly.

“Since you're off for vacation, we could use the extra pair of hands.” Faye winked, sticking out her tongue. “Or if we take you to work, will you end up staying, because crime doesn't take Christmas off.” She did her best impression of her father. You couldn't help but snort a little.

“Hush, you.” Walter bumped you with his hip. “I can go to work and not work.”

“Oh really?” Faye challenged. “Why did you all of a sudden decide to take time off, anyway?”

“Well,” Walter cleared his throat, leaning over you to reach for a snowflake shaped cookie, “I wanted to take some time to celebrate.”

“Should we tell her?” You ask watching Faye's expression. Confusion growing.

“Think she can handle it?” Walter teased.

“Yes!” Faye urged, bouncing on her feet. “Yes, tell me!”

The suspense was going to kill her. There were a million things in her mind. Whatever her imagination was telling her, you could only hope this was going to be as good. Faye was a good kid, you had worked hard all afternoon, worrying that you would let the cat out of the bag. Walter would have been fine with you sharing the surprise, but you wanted him to be there, too.

“Okay, but I want you to know that this changes nothing. I am still going to love you and...”

“Oh my GOD!” Shouting and squealing, Faye waved her hands excitedly. “You're pregnant!”

Wide eyed Walter nearly choked on the second cookie he had swiped. Laughing, you can feel his heart racing like a damn cheetah. Her face was priceless, but it was time to break her poor little heart.

“Uh, no.” You pout and shrug. “No brothers or sisters, yet.”

“Okay, so then what...”

“We're getting married.” Walter announced, unceremoniously. His eyes bright and his smile infectious.

“Dad!” Faye exclaimed, her hands wildly waving in excitement. “You were supposed to let me help you. Holy shit, how bad did he screw this up? Where's your ring? He did buy a ring, right? I told him about the...”

“Faye,” Walter's tone was stern.

“He didn't screw it up, at all.” You pat his chest, beaming. “And there is a ring, but it had to be sized. I'll have it back next week, but I have pictures.”

“Oh my god, I NEED to see them!” Shouting happily, Faye forgot about the dinner she was making. “Let me see! I need to see it! Dad! This is amazing!” tears in her eyes she hugged Walter's neck tightly.

Hugging his daughter, tight, Walter felt a wave of relief. He had assumed that Faye would take the news well, but one could never be too sure in these situations. Letting go of his neck, Faye wiped her eyes quick, before attacking you in her next hug.

Excitedly squealing as she loosened her grip, Faye paused. “Who else knows?”

“Us, you. We wanted to tell you first.” Walter spoke, as he took over dinner.

“How long have you...”

“Four days,” You wipe your own tears. “Oh my god, Faye. It was so perfect and so unexpected. Your old man has charm.” You giggle like a teenager. “I was getting ready for work...”

“You asked her while she was getting ready for work? Dad,” Faye rolled her eyes at him.

Walter shrugged it off. Whatever, you'd said “yes” that was good enough for him.

You had been upstairs in your bathroom, getting ready for work, when you'd walked out to Walter in the hall way. Kissing you, he took a step back, revealing the black box in the palm of his hand. No words. No grand gesture. But you knew exactly what he was asking. Tears, blurring your vision you allowed him to open the box and slide the slightly larger than needed ring on your left hand.

“It was so cute, though.” You defend your fiancé – You can't help but mull the word over. It feels so...odd to think of Walter in such terms.

“Dinner,” Walter announced turning off the gas on the stove. Not that it mattered, the two of you were still talking about how he had proposed and the things you loved, verses what Faye would have had him do differently. Whatever. You two would eat when you were good and ready.

“This is so amazing! This is going to be perfect. Can I come dress shopping with you?”

“I would hope my maid of honour wants to come dress shopping.” Catching Walter's eye, you winked.

“Really? I don't know...wow.” Breathing deeply to steady herself, Faye shook with delight. “Really? You want me?”

“Yes, silly!” You exclaim, hugging her again. Oh god it felt so good to tell Faye the news. Your head would have exploded if you'd had to keep this quiet any longer.

Grabbing your hand, Faye linked her fingers with yours, the two of you twirling around laughing and chattering about weddings. Walter was comfortable to lean against the counter watching the two of you dance around like fools. Dinner would keep, he could heat it in the microwave later. Dancing and singing to It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas, you broke away from Faye, dancing over to Walter.

“May I have this dance?” You wink, pulling his arm.

Unfolding his arms, he allowed you to take his hand. Expertly twirling you around, Walter smiled when Faye whistled. Who knew her dad could dance? Moving you back to him, Walter held you against his chest gently swaying to the time of the music. He had spent a few nights this week dancing happily around the kitchen, living room, hell even the bathroom with you. It was silly, but Walter was beginning to enjoy the laid back approach to life.

“Faye,” Walter furrowed his brow, sighing. Pretending to grump as she recorded the two of you.

“What? You two are adorable. Dad, when did you get those moves?”

“I happen to be a fine dancer,” Walter let go of your hand, grasping Faye's free hand and taking her by surprise. Quickly handing off her phone, Faye carefully followed Walter's lead.

Laughing when Walter spun her around, sending her across the room, Faye caught her balance on the edge of the breakfast table. She could never remember her dad having this much fun or laughing this hard. Dancing around, you laugh when Walter quickly dips you pulling you back up and kissing you softly. Faye's mock retching noises going ignored.

“Thank you,” his lips against your, Walter smiles.

“For?”

“For saying yes and agreeing to marry me. For making me take time to enjoy my family.”

“It's nearly Christmas, Walt. A few days off, a party or two, it won't hurt. You work hard, sweetheart. You need to relax.” You lean into his chest, inhaling the scent of amber and sage.

Clearing her throat, Faye stood with a cookie in her hand, nibbling casually. “Uh, I know that you said I wasn't going to have a sibling, but um...could you not make one right now.”

[cosmiclatte28]

Behave Peaches (Jaehyun x reader)

I made this for a Suho request, but I guess I can rework on this and make it for another member. Here we go

warning : this is kind of steamy, I don’t want my innocent readers to fall into the dark hole, but it’s your choice and risk. suggestive Jaehyun is hot 😏🔥

Everything is still cold, the wind is blowing cool winds, but the streets are red. It’s a pretty scenery, seeing the cold winter starts to turn into a prettier spring-ish season (though not 100% yet, they’re going there). Chinese New Year is around the corner and your lover has invited you over to have dinner with his family. You cannot go home to your homeland and celebrate Chinese New Year with your family, but Jaehyun is here to save your day. You finally finish your nine to five work today and bid farewell for the long holiday to your colleagues. Your phone rings as you step into the lift. Your smile appears when you see the caller ID name. There on your screen is the picture of Jaehyun flashing. You pick up the call, “Hey Jaehyunnie,” you call him by his sweet name.

Jaehyun smiles though you cannot see it, “Hey peaches, I am downstairs already. You’re done with work?” You watch the elevator shows you’re descending from the 12th floor to the basement, where your lover usually picks you up. “Yeah I’m in the lift, you’re here already?” “Yes, I am here. Should I pick you in the lobby?” You chukle, “No need, it’s faster for me to find your car. Okay I’m walking to the car now. I see you!” You still leave the phone on call and run a bit to reach his car. Jaehyun greets you as soon as you make it into his black Maserati. “Hey, you don’t have to run. You might fall and I don’t want you to fall.” He leans in to peck your cheek and you only smile while putting on your seatbelt. “All set, we’re ready to go home. Tomorrow is Chinese New Year eve , I am both excited and nervous.” Jaehyun presses his gas and we move away from the parking lot. He focuses on the road while asking you questions , “Why? We’ll just have dinner.” You roll your eyes, “Yeah with your parents.” He doesn’t seem to get your anxiety, “And?” You close your eyes and take a deep breathe, seriously sometimes he can be the man with a sexy brain, but other times like now he cannot understand basic situation like this. “What if they do not like me.” Your boyfriend grins and extends his right hand to hold your left hand, “They won’t. They’ll love you.”

You groan, “Well that is what all people will say.” The man with the face of an angel squeezes your palm, “To tell you the truth, they have been expecting me to bring you for a dinner since last year, but I just got the chance to bring you tomorrow.” You know Jaehyun is busy last year with his NCT concert and he had to skipped his family dinner last time because he was in the other side of the hemisphere. Tomorrow however, will be the day he officially introduces you to the Jungs. “Calm down okay, why don’t we prepare ourselves first so that tomorrow you’re not nervous.” You want to laugh, but you cant. You’re really nervous but at the same time thinks doing a recital will just make it silly. “Let’s not talk about this. We should enjoy the holiday… I say we start by eating dinner in that sushi place my princess loves.” Jaehyun swerves right and changes lane, your stomach grumbles in anticipation when you hear sushi. “You really know how to treat me like a princess eh?” He clicks his tongue, “That’s the least I can do.” He was right, eating dinner and talking about the busy week over some sushi and sake is a good way to relax. “So, you’re working on your Japanese album? Interesting, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Jaehyun laughs, “I wanted to surprise you, but I can’t hold it back any longer.” “Okay keep it secret, surprise me when the album is out.” He scrunches his nose and steals a kiss from you, “Alright if that is what you want. Shall we go home? You’re quite red.” Well your alcohol tolerance is moderate, but your face will go red after a certain time and Jaehyun knows when to bring you home. You smile and nod, “Okay Yoonoh.” a smirk comes to your face while a blush comes to his. He pays the bill and carefully helps you walk to the car, you’re not drunk but he wants to make sure you did not twist your ankle in that heels. Once the black car enters the royal residence, the automatic gates open and Jaehyun parks his car nicely. Carefully you and Jaehyun enter the house and you sigh in relieve when your feet touch the grounds. “Whew best feeling ever.” Jaehyun just laughs and walks to heat up the room. It’s 5-degree Celcius out there. “You want to shower first?” Jaehyun turns on the water faucet to fill in the tub. You nod your head, “I think I need some me time.” So, like the gentleman he is, he prepares the hot water to your favorite temperature and pours in the stress relieving oils. You bun your hair and strips from the uncomfortable working suit you wore for the whole day. You clean up your make up first with a toner and only in your lingerie you wrap your body in the silk bathrobe.

“Bath is ready,” Jaehyun screams from the toilet, you quickly make your way to the shower, just to see Jaehyun already sitting on the side of the tub with loosen tie and shirt.

You bite your lips, his collar bone peeking from his unbuttoned shirt is enough to make you feel something tingling in your stomach.

“Thank you, why don’t you join me?” You bravely invite him over while you peel off the silk robe and drop them down elegantly.

Jaehyun’s eyes change when he sees what you have underneath the piece of cloth.

“You’re wearing that to work? Laces for works. Sexy.” He quirks his eyebrows.

You shyly nod your head “Well yeah, I kind of ran out of the regular ones. I forgot to do the laundry.”

Jaehyun whistles, “Alright, remember you’re the one inviting me over.”

You did not mind his words, just toss everything off and step into the big tub. You moan in delight when the feel of the hot water hugs your skin and give a slight burning sensation.

“Ah yes, I really need this.” You lean into the side and close your eyes only to be disturbed by Jaehyun’s attempt to enter the tub.

He carefully picks you up, so you’re seated between him and you only close your eyes more when you feel his hardness touching your back.

“Um Jae, you’re-“

He shuts you up with one touch on your neck, you gasp when he whispers into your ear, “Look what you did to me.”

You squirm in his touch; it’s been a while and just a fingertip of his hand on your skin already makes you desire for more.

He kisses you deeply until you’re out of breath. You focus to fill your lungs with air and soft like a whisper, Jaehyun puts his lips next to your ear. His next sentence makes your hair stands.

With his deep voice you can hear his inner beast growling, “You can’t really blame me, can you? You can only blame yourself.” He ghosts a slight hot breath on your sensitive neck and with a smirk Jae kisses you once again, “You did this to me, now you’re responsible for this.”

You know you’re not going to have the recital for tomorrow’s dinner, tonight it’s going to be a long night and you’re not against it.

“Guess I’ll make you crazy tonight.” You smirk to him and you know you’ve woken the wild side of your softie boyfriend once he replies you with, “Behave my peaches.”

the end.

[pascalscenarios]

THE ONE (Frankie Morales x Reader)

THE ONE

Frankie Morales x Reader  

Summary: You and Santiago spend the night before the wedding talking about feelings

Warning: None

Words: 1239

Author's Note: Hello! This chapter is short and is a filler so it’s kinda boring. I’m sorry. I was really struggling with this one, but I like the things that Santiago has to say. Chapter 9 and 10 should be better... Ahh were almost done... I cry lol but I have a surprise at the very end of the chapter...

- k 

CH 1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4 | CH 5 | CH 5.5 | CH 6 | CH 7 | CH 8 |

Chapter 8

The next few days felt like a whirlwind. You were busy preparing for the wedding. You and the people apart from your wedding party were helping set up last-minute decorations at the reception venue, making everything perfect for tomorrow. You felt overwhelmed by everything. You hid out in a supply closet, sitting on a bucket. You needed to be alone.

The closet door opened, Santiago peeking his head in.

“There you are!” He says letting himself in, and quickly shutting the door. “You alright?” he leans against the wall.

“No…” you admitted.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not here…I’m sorry I just needed to get away for a minute.” You sigh.

“I know you do. You looked overwhelmed out there. Everyone’s been wondering where you ran off too.”

“I wanna get out of here. ”

“Everything's just about done. How about we go get some food, I’m kinda craving a burger and a milkshake and we can talk some more? ”

“That sounds good.”

“Come on!” He says, opening the door. You stand out and walk out with him.

“Baby!” Alex yells as he sees you and Santiago enter the venue hall.

You force yourself to smile as you make your way towards Alex. “Where’d you go? We finished up everything.”

“I was just talking to Santiago about dealing with our family tomorrow” you lied.

“Tomorrows the big day! I can wait to see you walk down that aisle” Alex says, grabbing your hands and kissing them.

“Yeah, I can't wait.”

“Alright, Well I’m headed with the guys tonight and I know you’ll be over at the hotel with the girls. I’ll see you tomorrow” He leans in giving you a smooch on the cheek. “I love you!”

Alex walks away, catching up with the guys towards the opposite end of the hall, towards the double door exit.

“Ready to go?” one of your bridesmaids asked.

“I’ll meet you guys at the hotel”

“Okay! Come on ladies let's go!” The girls all waved to you, headed towards the exit.

You and Santiago were left alone. You looked around staring at all the decorations, and lights strung up.

“Ready for that burger?” he calls out after you as he stands by the door.

You turn to face him. “Yeah, let's go,” you say working towards him.

…

“UGH it's so good.” you moan after taking a bit of your burger. You and Santiago were sitting on the curb outside of a burger joint.

“Told you they have the best burgers!” Santiago laughed, popping a french fry in his mouth.

“I feel like I shouldn't be eating this a day before the wedding…”

“Smiles, it's just a burger, it's not gonna kill you.”

“You’re right” you take another bite, then wash it down with your Strawberry shake.

“..So..How’s Frankie?”

Santiago looks at you and shrugs ‘Alright I guess. I haven't talked to him in a few days.”

“He told you what happened?”

Santi nodded, biting into his burger. “Mhmm,” he mumbled. “He told me about Lilah,” he said, talking with his mouth full.

“She looks just like him.” You smile.

“She meant well, you know”

“I know she did… I can’t believe she did all of that for him.” You watch the cars pass by on the road.

“She loves him more than anything.”

“She seems like a really sweet kid. He raised her well. I knew he would be a great father.”

“He is.”

You guys stayed silent for a while.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?” Santiago breaks the silence

You sigh, putting your face in your hands. “Santi, I don't know what I’m doing…I told Alex I wanted this but part of me doesn’t… Frankie, he poured his heart out and kissed me even…and I can’t stop thinking about him- I don’t know what to do, what do I do?” you looked over to him with tears in your eyes.

“Smiles, I can’t tell you what to do. It’s up to you. You’re the one that's gonna have to make the decision.” Santiago scooches over to you.

“I’m scared Santi…” you cried. He puts his arms around you, pulling you into him, your head resting against his shoulder.

“Scared of what Smiles?”

“I’m just scared I'm going to make the wrong decision. Alex is safe and I'm secure, but I want Frankie as well, but if I go after Frankie and we do end up together, what if things go wrong? What if things are just as bad as last time? I can't go back to Alex because I choose Frankie…”

Santiago hated seeing you like this, but all he really could do was give you some guiding advice. “Love isn't about settling. Love is about loving someone unconditionally through thick and thin. You want to be with this person all the time, try and do new things together with them. They’re the first person you think about in the morning, the last thing you think about before you sleep, you can’t live without them, you’d do absolutely anything for them.” Santiago rubs your back. He always knew the right thing to say.

“It’s been like this from the start. Ever since Frankie came back into my life, my head has just been swirling, I just want it to stop. I just want to feel at ease, but I can’t when I’m stuck in between.”

“For once, listen to your heart and not your head! You just have to listen. Deep down, know what you truly want, but allow yourself to listen. You just have to feel what you feel. You can’t keep shoving it aside because the feelings are never going to go away until you face them head-on.”

You let out a groan. He was right. You just had to let go, stop shoving away what your heart has been trying to tell you.

“I just don't want to hurt anybody.”

“I know you don’t but that's the way it is. Someone is bound to get hurt. This is about your feelings, how you feel. You have to do what's best for you, and sometimes doing that you hurt people in the process.” He continues to rub your arm, comforting you.

“Can you take me back to the hotel?”

“Sure, come on” he stands up holding his hand for you to take.

Santiago drove you back to the hotel.

“Thanks, Santi.” You said unbuckling your seat belt.

“Things will work out, okay? Everything will turn out the way it's supposed to be.”

You pull him into a hug.

“I love you. Thank you for always being here for me.”

“I love you, too. I’m always going to be here for you, Smiles. I’m your ride or die.”

“Pff okay, says the one who hated me following him around and bullying me as a child” pulling away from him.

“Well, that's because you were an annoying little twerp that didn’t know what boundaries mean. Tough love kid, tough love.”

You both end up laughing.

“Whatever you choose to do, I support you, hundred percent. I got your back… get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Santi.” You open the passenger door, stepping out, shutting it closed.

You stood there watching Santiago drive off.

His words circling in your head.

listen to your heart and not your head listen to your heart and not your head

listen to your heart.

Surprise!!! How To Love (Marcus Pike x Reader)

Tag: @icanbeyourjedi @im-an-adult-ish @sara-alonso @lydiascottage @eternalkara​ @wifeofdindjarin  

[nonagesimus]

(Fic) if you think it’s love (it is) - Sastiel ~2.5k

(AO3 Link)

Sam decides it’s time Cas finally gets that date. Happy Valentine’s Day, sastielers!

It was three days after the grace-extracting experiment. They had been quiet. Researching, looking for cases. Sam had calmed after the spell failed - for about a day. Since then Castiel had caught him staring in quiet moments, hovering over books with his gaze in middle distance instead of on the pages, chewing his fingernails. When he’d asked was was bothering him, Sam had said nothing. So, he waited. If Sam wanted to tell him something, he would. Eventually. Apparently three days was that eventually.

“I- I’m sorry if this is weird,” was an auspicious start, as he stepped into the library, but Castiel just waited for him to continue. “Dean told me - just mentioned, really - that while you were human you had kind of a… date that wasn’t.”

Which, yes, it probably was a little weird. Castiel was still unsure of what social cues he’d missed or ignored in that particular situation. But none of that was Sam’s fault. “I did,” he confirmed, neutrally.

“So, did you ever get a date?” Sam seemed to be very focused on carefully placing his coffee mug on the table without spilling anything. “A real one?”

“No,” Castiel said. “I think I’m ok without one, though.”

“No!” Sam’s voice came out a little strangled. “No, you- let me take you out.”

Castiel took his attention completely off the book he’d been scanning to fix his gaze to Sam, who at least had looked up at him now. Wide-eyed and a little paler than normal. “You want to take me on a date?”

That made Sam’s gaze skitter back to the table. “I just feel like you should have one.”

Castiel’s instinct was to push. Past the nerves, and the averted eyes, and the skip he could hear in Sam’s heartbeat. If he pushed, he thought, that might make Sam back off. “Ok,” he said, instead.

“Ok?” The word seemed like it rushed out of Sam’s chest involuntarily, breathy and relieved. “Ok. Great. Would- uh. How about the day after tomorrow?”

It wasn’t like Castiel had plans.

If he had, he would’ve cancelled them.

“How do I know you know what you’re talking about?” he asked Sam the next day, while he was watching him eat breakfast. “What’s the best date you’ve ever been on?”

Sam, to his surprise, flushed a little. “Ok, uh. There was this date I went on at Stanford. And- so you gotta understand it’s like a six hour drive from Palo Alto to LA,” he said, smile already curling the corners of his lips. “And Jess said she wanted to make a trip down, and I wasn’t sure. Twelve hours in a car is a long time, unless we wanted to get a motel or somewhere down there, but she was really into the idea, so… We go. We’d been together, like. Six months? I think.” His eyes had softened, looking into his memories. “Turns out she wanted to drag me to this bookstore she’d gone to with her family. They’d visited her Freshman year, taken a trip down to see the sights and…” He trailed off.

“And?” Castiel prompted.

“It’s called The Last Bookstore,” Sam said, focusing in on Castiel again. “It’s this huge place downtown. Bottoms floor is new books, top floor is all secondhand. Themed rooms, art features, the lot.”

“Sounds like your kind of place,” Castiel said.

“It was,” Sam said. His smile went distant again. “It took me an hour to realise that Jess liked it, sure, she thought it was a great bookstore. But it wasn’t six-hour-drive worth it to her. She just knew it would be to me.”

Castiel nodded, considering it. “That does sound nice.”

“We were so tired driving back I almost crashed the car,” Sam said. “But yeah.”

The next day, to Castiel’s surprise, they started early. Sam drove, did not tell Castiel where they were going. He’d packed a backpack, and didn’t protest when Castiel inspected it - it contained food. sandwiches, fruit, and carrot sticks, a thermos of coffee. Enough for Sam for the day.

“I’m guessing we’ll be out for a while,” he said, zipping it back up.

“Yeah,” Sam said. “Unless- if you’re not having a good time just tell me. We can always go back.”

“You’re the one who wanted to take me out, Sam,” Castiel said, calmly. “I’m trusting you to do it.”

But Sam was nervous. Clear in the tension of his hands on the steering wheel, the set of his jaw. That, more than anything else, contributed to a quiet drive. Not uncomfortably - Sam had spent enough of his life on long car rides, and Castiel had certainly learned to bear them since he lost his wings. Sam took occasional sips from the thermos, they listened to local radio stations fade in and out, and watched the Kansas greenery go by. Until, a little before ten in the morning, Sam guided him into a small museum surrounded by short hiking trails.

And it was guided - Sam kept opening doors for him, kept hovering his hand near Castiel’s lower back, watching him out of the corner of his eye. They made it through three rooms - full of life-size dioramas, and informative placards, and really big rocks - before they spoke.

It wasn’t that it wasn’t interesting. A level of information the hovered in-between the levels that Castiel did know -  the macro of heaven and the extreme micro of the world he now lived in with the Winchesters. As well as the displays, he watched Sam out of the corner of his eye. He had wondered if he’d linger close the whole time, that hand near the small of his back, a steady presence at his side. But, no, Sam orbits. Sometimes looking at the same displays as Castiel, sometimes across the room. Always aware of him, it seemed.

“So,” Castiel said the next time they felt themselves side by side, looking at a series of miniature log cabins, each in different stages of completion. “If this is supposed to be a bookshop moment, like Jess gave you, why here?”

Sam worried at his lip, cheeks a little flushed. “I don’t know if this is that special, but - and do correct me if I’m wrong, but I hope I’m not - you’ve experienced so much of history from the outside. Just through heaven’s point of view. And then you came down, and you fought with us, and you stayed with us. It made me think you might be a little interested in seeing more things from our perspective.”

“Oh.” Because of course models and dioramas were not just models and dioramas.

“Besides,” Sam said, with a little more confidence. “After the whole molecules discussion it was pretty obvious dinner was a bad idea.” He flashed a quick grin.

Castiel wished he’d brought a flower, like he had when he’d been wrong about it. For some reason it felt like it might’ve jinxed it. Was that a holdover from being human or just from spending so much time with the humans he was with? The same result either way.

Two hours had gone by, spent in equal contemplation of the exhibits and the man who had brought him to see them, when Sam suggested they head back to the car.

“The museum is open until five,” Castiel pointed out.

“We’ve got a location two,” Sam said, “And they close at five as well. We leave now we’ll have a couple of hours once we get there.”

Another three-ish hour drive then. “Using all your ideas on one day?” Castiel asked, moving with Sam towards the exit regardless. “There’s time.”

Sam laughed. “When have you known us to have this many days off in a row?”

It was true. Not just in the always-an-impending-catastrophe way, either. Castiel had been able to tell there was energy building up in Sam when they were in the bunker. That he was healing, but that also meant that a growing part of him was yearning to work again. Maybe planning this had partially been a way to burn off some of that.

Sam pulled open the passenger side door for him.

The set out again. Sam ate some of the food he’d packed for himself one handed - Castiel busied himself helping open and close containers, pouring from the thermos. Watching Sam drive. A shorter drive, but only slightly.

“This is,” Sam said, guiding Castiel towards the entrance, “The Cosmosphere.”

This one - this one Castiel liked better. There was something endearing, something comforting, something familiar about how hard humans strived for flight. And he understood, now, the lack of it. This was something that was too often missed, in heaven. They’d watched humanity grow, obviously, but they ignored how much of it had been under their own power. That the ‘hairless apes’ had taken stone, and steel, and fire, and built themselves wings.

He was staring up an a model of Saturn V when he noticed how closely Sam was watching him.

There was anxiety in his eyes, but also a fondness. A warmth.

Castiel’s chest was warm, too.

They lingered right up until closing time, walking so close as they left that it was easy for Castiel to brush their shoulders together, watch Sam duck his head and smile.

And he’d known. He’d known, as soon as he heard the way Sam’s heart skipped when he’d asked if he could take him out, at every door he’d opened, how he’d been watching Castiel closer than any of the exhibits. Sam opened the door of the car for him again, and Castiel stopped to grip his arm, feel it solid and warm under his palm.

“Thank you for this, Sam,” he said.

Sam’s answering smile was bright, and open, and felt a little like sunshine. “There’s, uh. There’s one more thing. If you want to do it.”

Castiel tilted his head. “Oh?”

“Suns gonna be down in about an hour,” Sam said. “I thought… If you wanted to I thought we could stop and stargaze for a while.”

It sounded romantic.

It was cold, in the December air, but Sam had managed to stow blankets in the car without Castiel noticing. He draped one over the hood, and piled the others on top of them. He didn’t feel the cold, not like Sam did, but the blankets were an excuse to sit closer that completely necessary. Shoulders pressed in together. One ankle thrown over one of Sam’s. They talked, a little. Mostly they stared up at the sky. Sam finished the lukewarm coffee left in the thermos. Castiel listened to him breath, to the beat of his heart.

After a long time, Sam made a slightly apologetic noise, sliding off the hood of the car. “This isn’t great date talk, he said, “but we should get going, and I really need to take a leak before we drive home.” Then he tramped off into the undergrowth off the side of the road.

There weren’t any roses nearby, but Castiel could smell wildflowers still somehow hanging on in the cold. Quietly, he made his way into the dark to pick one, carefully selecting a bloom that had no crushed petals, wasn’t too close to wilting. A brief thought to Dean’s advice, and he removed his tie, opened an extra button on his shirt.

It felt a little ridiculous but when they got inside the car, and the interior light turned on, Sam’s eyes flickered down to the newly exposed skin.

Castiel held out the flower towards him.

Sam took it, hand soft and reverant, grin blooming on his face. “What’s this?”

“For you,” Castiel said. “You took me out, the least I could do is get flowers.”

Sam flushed, gently tucked the flower into one of the buttonholes in his shirt. “Thanks,” he said, so soft it was almost whispered.

They drove.

Sam was clearly exhausted by the time they got back to the bunker, yawning so wide his jaw cracked and then looking shame-faced. “Sorry,” he said.

“Hm,” Castiel said. “Maybe next time it could be one trip out per date, not a marathon.”

He cracked a grin at that. And, after all this time, it was nice to see an exhaustion that felt pleased. Satisfied, not just harrowed. “I’ll keep that in mind, Cas.”

“So.” Castiel paused at the corridor that lead towards the bedrooms, turned to face Sam. Wondered if he should be pushing this far. “There’s a proper way to end a good date, correct?”

Sam’s eyes flickered instantly to Castiel’s lips, which made him feel unaccountably pleased. “That’s ok, Cas,” he said, instead of leaning in. “That’s- that’s more for proper dates, not. This.”

So there was the line. Driving a total of nine hours across Kansas, carefully selected locations that he’d thought Cas would like, sitting shoulders pressed together on the hood of the car. Standing right up against it, but Sam had drawn a line, and this was it.

“This meant something to you,” Castiel said, stepping one foot over. “More than just doing something nice for me.”

“Cas,” Sam said, shaking his head, gaze down, self-deprecating smile. “You don’t have to-“

“I would like it,” Castiel interrupted, stepping closer, second foot over the line, and taking Sam’s hand, “If you let it mean something to me too.”

Sam’s eyes met his, expression disbelieving, almost scared. But he didn’t pull away, didn’t shift as Cas leaned closer. Not all the way. He was sure, he was so sure but- but if he was wrong.

He wasn’t wrong. Sam, breath unsteady, hand tightening around Castiel’s, closed the last of the distance. As kisses went it was gentle. Chaste. All too brief. As Sam drew back a noise of protest slipped out of Castiel’s throat involuntarily; he shifted with him. Sam’s free hand moved to his jaw, guided him into a second kiss, slower and deeper, and that, that was what Castiel wanted. He let his hand splay at Sam’s lower back, drew him in closer, opened his mouth so they could taste each other.

They broke apart eventually, Sam’s thumb stroking up and down the side of Castiel’s hand.

“So,” Castiel said, “Next time, I’m taking you out. Give me some time to plan it.”

Sam ducked his head, but not far enough Castiel couldn’t see his smile. “Ok.”

“I’m going to kiss you again,” he said. “If that’s alright.”

Sam’s smile brightened, and leaned in to meet him.

[captain-aralias]

Life stuff

this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all. 

but i also wanted to write this, idk. 

(TW: impending death of a parent)

my mum has cancer. 

it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.

she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown. 

as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again. 

a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo. 

it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.

now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days. 

we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital. 

i feel...

???? :( :( :( ....

i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it. 

i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about. 

i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly. 

i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it. 

the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly  about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison. 

i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am. 

but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life. 

i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.

it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now. 

it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\

the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal. 

btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it. 

(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.) 

what else did i want to say? 

i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.) 

i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it. 

i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point. 

didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin. 

also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute. 

but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but..... 

i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here 

AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be. 

so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog. 

and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.) 

the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....

today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens. 

it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)

i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years. 

my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it. 

BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while. 

i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer. 

going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.

[lorei-writes]

Tales From Around The Silent Lake

Masamune x MC Fantasy AU, Family AU Fluff

This work is related to a longer series, but it can be read by itself for family AU ^^ A mix of my two most self-indulgent AUs.

It would be set between chapter 19 and the Epilogue.

Content Warnings: needles, mentions of plague, mentions of physical pain, injury mention, food mention

Realted work: The Dragon of Yss.

“Never let the flea become a doctor. Never,” Ieyasu grumbled, frantically correcting something over one of the sheets of paper as they resumed walking. “Yeah, yeah, you say so every day now.” “I mean it.” “I’ll tell her you’d be willing to take her as an apprentice when she grows up,” Masamune chuckled.

Steps sounded off in the corridor of academy hospital, bouncing off of the stone walls in search of windows, as if attempting to escape the building. Too weak to achieve the goal on their own, they mixed with the stream of words following shortly after them, only then managing to spill over into the inner-garden filled with makeshift beds. No pained moans rose above them, however,  nurses rushing from post to post with vials of medicine in their hands as steady stream of humans exited the university grounds.

“Can you stab me in the other arm tomorrow? I have nothing against needles, but being jabbed ten times takes too much time,” Masamune directed the question at Ieyasu. “Remind me then. I should have more donors by the end of the week,” the man answered, browsing hectically through the notes in his hands. He stopped abruptly, soon hurrying to open the window and leaning through it. “Ishe!” he shouted, a head of mouse-brown hair turning to follow his voice. “Has 4th district been cleared?” “Yes, today morning, the papers are all in your study!” “Good!” Ieyasu retreated inside, a look of utter misery on his face. He run his hand over his features, sighing deeply as he did so. “Never let the flea become a doctor. Never,” he grumbled, frantically correcting something over one of the sheets of paper as they resumed walking. “Yeah, yeah, you say so every day now.” “I mean it.” “I’ll tell her you’d be willing to take her as an apprentice when she grows up,” Masamune chuckled.

Streets of Varshka were relatively busy on that day, humans immunised against the plague slowly beginning to dare to gather in squares and shops, colourful sings returning above the displays. Still not quite as vibrant as they used to be, some shone anew, some replaced the ones forever lost to time – and some prevailed, seemingly greyed by fear and lack of decisiveness, or at least as much of it as inanimate objects could sense. Rather unmoved by the scenery, Masamune rushed through the marketplace, picking up fruit and vegetables for dinner as he went. A bag on his shoulder, he strode down the street, a tenement emerging before him seemingly out of nowhere. Green ivy climbing the orange walls, he entered through the main gate, skipping every second step while running up the stairs. The door to their flat opened just as he was about to reach for the key. “Oh, thanks fate you’re back,” Mai let out, stepping aside as to let him in. “I overslept, Iroha just woke up, we ran out of –” “Bread,” he finished for her, setting the groceries aside. “I got some on my way back.” Mai froze, as if rewriting the plans in her head. Her shoulders relaxing, she took a deep breath, her eyes closing as her back slumped. “Thank you,” she breathed out. “Told you it wouldn’t be just ‘five more minutes’,” he whispered into her ear, barely able to hold back the chuckle in his voice. Seeing that a blush came over her skin, Masamune went a step further, pressing a kiss to her temple before taking a step back. Mai looked at him, appearing to have managed to slow herself down. “How was is today?” “Well…” he trailed off, instead rolling up his sleeve for just a moment, purple bruises blooming over green ones. “Ieyasu took over later, we’re switching back to the other arm tomorrow.” Mai paled slightly, reaching to cup his cheek on instinct, her thumb stroking it lovingly as he leaned into her touch. “Did he say anything about new donors?” “Some should appear by the end of the week.” “Finally,” she sighed, pulling him into a hug.

Frantic steps of tiny feet, the sound soon growing in frequency. A run. Something, or much rather somebody, rammed into their legs – and they looked down, huge blue eyes staring at them from below. “I want in too,” the girl demanded, her lips turning into a pout. “And I want food. Now! Please.”

***

The dishes clacked against each other as Mai put the last plate to dry,  Iroha playing by herself  in the living room. She hung the cloth above the basin and turned around, leaning back against the wooden top. Masamune sitting at the table, her gaze fell on him, the pencil in his hand gliding over the piece of paper as he scribbled down some calculations. “I think our sector is next for the medicine,” he stated, looking from over the sheet. “Does it work, though?” “It seems to, no new cases in two cleared districts.” He flashed her a smile. “I’ll try to get you and Iroha first in line.”

Mai pushed herself away from the counter and took a step forward, only to seat herself next to him. She let her head rest on top of the table. “I hope it goes well. I could find a better job then,” she sighed, his hand finding its way into her hair as to comb it gently. “Plenty repairs for today as well?” “Yhmm,” Mai hummed in reply. “After the last outbreak… It seems I won’t get any different orders soon…” “And the budget is tight, even with the university letting us stay here,” he breathed out. “But we’ll make it. Come on, I’ll take care of Iroha today, so she won’t distract you.”

Mai propped herself on her elbows, a smile lighting up her face as she looked at him. Masamune irked an amused brow at her. “Yes?” he asked. Instantly, she got up and pecked his lips. “Thank you!” she giggled over her shoulder, already disappearing from the room. Masamune shook his head, getting up himself.

***

All she had seen for hours were threads – threads and more threads, and perhaps some fabric and needles, and occasional scissors, but mostly, threads. Her vision growing blurry, Mai focused on her last repair for the day, the hole needing to be darned whether she wanted for it to be so or not. She squinted harder, deft fingers working almost by themselves, the dying candle providing little light just either way. The last stitch, the last knot, the last… Triumph!  Mai put the flame off and threw the garment onto her desk, promising to herself she’d fold it properly in the morning – which sadly, judging by how dark the sky was, would come sooner rather than later.

With a sigh, she extended her arms above her head, her back aching as she stretched. It continued to remind her of its sorry state when she got up and exited the room, not even the short walk managing to silence it. Utterly defeated, Mai entered their bedroom, an unfamiliar wall growing less than a meter before her. She took a step back as to light a cresset for a moment, to take a better glance at the peculiar construction. A fort, a truest, most real and tangible pillow and blanket – although much greater in size than the ones representative of its kind – fort. She blinked fast, the loud noises she had heard after dinner finally beginning to make sense. Intrigued, she clung to the wall as to walk around the creation, her eyes frantically searching for the entrance.

The fort was truly a sight to behold, two main walls, opposite of each other, being created out of the wardrobe and a bookshelf, a large bedspread providing the main part of the roof. Kept in place by what she could only imagine was magic (as it was beyond her how anybody could manage to set so many heavy objects in such a high place without first falling down to his death), it stayed still, several smaller blankets being pinned to it to prevent any holes from forming in the structure. Their weight being supported by, what she could only assume, were various chairs from around the flat, they created towers of sorts, or perhaps separate wings to the castle. As if to impress her further, it appeared the fort swallowed the bed as well, the piece of furniture being nowhere in sight.  Curiously, she reached for a crooked flap, hoping that it in fact was the entrance. Mai smiled, no wooden legs or flat surfaces revealing themselves, further convincing her it was the correct choice. She lowered her head and walked inside, careful not to let anything catch on fire from the candle.

Mai stopped in her tracks and covered her lips with her hand as not to gasp. Indeed, the bed was swallowed, in fact creating the main part of the entire estate, few smaller “towers” being accessible only after crawling through it. One occupied by toy pots must have been a kitchen, one with wooden sword – an armoury. She glanced around for a moment longer, the main hall – or perhaps, the audience room – still being the most interesting to her. There, over their bed, among few books with fairy tales and some teddy bears, slept her husband and daughter, the girl snuggling into his side.

Iroha moved. “Mommy?” she asked, rubbing on her eyes. Mai blew off the candle, setting the cresset down on one of the shelves. “Yes, kitty?” she replied, crawling up the bed. She put the books on the floor. “Dad built me a castle and said I’m a purrcess now.” “Of course you are.” “But what is a purrcess?” “A special kind of princess. A kitty princess,” Mai snorted, slowly easing herself into her spot over the bed. She stopped, however, a small hand pulling her by her nightgown. “No, mama, you’re in the middle today. I’m hot, dad is a stove.” Holding laughter back, Mai obliged. Lying on her side, she let Iroha be the little spoon – and soon, she felt Masamune turn, his arm resting on her waist. “Goodnight,” he mumbled. “Sleep tight,” Mai whispered back, already closing her eyes.

Tag list: @datenoriko, @nad-zeta, @tsubaki3192, @missjudge-me, @ikemencrossedmyth, @nuttytani, @thesirenwashere, @milas-imaginarium, @kisara-16, @yukas-clover, @alerialumina , @cheese-ception , @iamryxx​, @cottonfluffballofdoom, @ozziegrl71, 

If you want to be tagged under my future works, let me know (any way works)! ^^ Also, if you have some preferences (for example: you’d rather not be tagged under some series, etc.), please, tell me. 

If you don’t want to be tagged anymore - please, do not feel bad about it, just say so :)

[samwilsonsbabymama]

All the Things (Your Man Won’t Do) 18+

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Black Reader

Summary: Everyone around you sees how crappy your boyfriend treats you. How long does it take for your old friend Sam Wilson to convince you that you’d be better with him?

Warnings: Crappy boyfriend, unfulfilling relationships, not cheating but persuasion, nothing too sexual

A/N: So I listened to All the Things (Your Man Won’t Do) by Joe and I got Sam Wilson vibes BIG TIME and I had to write this lol This is the version that I listened to, the above link is to the music video where I got some of my inspo from lol There’s no real difference other than the length of the song lol

Word Count: 2,500 ish

v2- I typed all of the texts out in this version so people can see them if they don't load on the other version. Sam is italicized and reader is bolded. I tried to separate them. Let me know if the format is messed up 💖

You stood at the counter, ringing up your last customer for the night. It had been a long but exciting shift. You’d gotten a chance to see an old friend of yours, Sam Wilson. You’d seen him on TV fighting alongside, and against, the Avengers. No one believed that you knew the Sam Wilson, especially your boyfriend. It was great seeing him again. You two talked for a while when there weren’t many people in the store, and you exchanged numbers, excited to catch up with him soon.

As you locked up the store, you thought about the good times that you spent with Sam in college. You knew how he had been planning on joining the military and you were glad to see that he was doing well for himself. 

You sighed in annoyance when you heard a clap of thunder over your head as you looked around. Your boyfriend was late once again to pick you up. You absolutely hated waiting around for him, and you hated it even more that he used your car while you were at work.

Deciding not to wait for him, you pulled out your phone and ordered yourself a Lyft when you received an incoming text.

Hey Y/n. It’s Sam.

It was good seeing you today.

Hey Sam!

Yeah, I really enjoyed seeing you as well 😊

You checked your Lyft’s location, noting that it was just around the corner. You shifted your weight onto your other foot as you waited when you saw the headlights from the car come around the corner. You adjusted your bag once again as the driver pulled in front of you.

“Y/n?” the driver asked when you opened the door.

You nodded your head, “Yeah, that’s me.” You slid into the back seat and closed the door. You were settling in when your phone buzzed again in your hand. Once you were completely settled, you unlocked your phone and opened your text stream with Sam.

I don't want to sound too forward, but I was wondering if you would like to grab a drink with me sometime? You know, catch up some more.

But, I understand if you don't want to.

I would love to catch up sometime!

Great! How does tomorrow sound?

Tomorrow sounds great! Though, I think I should mention that I do have a boyfriend. So this would be just as friends.

You chewed your lip as you waited for his response. You hoped that he still wanted to meet up. You spent the rest of the car ride trying to distract yourself from waiting for Sam’s reply, and when you made it home without hearing from him again, you were a bit upset with yourself. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought up your boyfriend. Maybe he did just want to catch up as friends and you just ruined that possibility.

You let yourself out of the Lyft after handing the driver a tip and glanced up to your apartment. The living room light was still on, which meant that your boyfriend was home, he had clearly forgotten to come pick you up. Again. You rolled your eyes and trudged up the stairs and contemplated whether or not you wanted to argue about it or not. 

That decision was made for you when you walked through your door to find him laid back on the couch with dirty dishes everywhere.

“Damn, Ty!” you groaned then slammed the door. “You said that you were going to clean up!” you kicked off your shoes and began picking up the mess that he made.

“My bad, Y/n,” he mumbled without taking his eyes off the TV screen. “You know it was my day off.”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah and I had to work all day! You didn’t even cook? Come on, Ty. You said that you would help out more.”

He waved his hand as if dismissing you and you made your way to the bedroom to get ready for bed. You wrapped your head up in a pineapple before hopping into the shower. Once you were done, you put on lotion and brushed your teeth. Ty had made his way to bed while you were in the shower and he looked to be sleeping already. You pulled back the covers on your side of the bed and flipped on your reading light and opened your book. You were halfway down the page when your phone buzzed.

You smiled when you saw Sam’s name on your screen.

I'm not surprised that someone cuffed you lol

Just friends it is then

Do you work tomorrow?

I'm happy to hear that. Yeah, I work tomorrow but I don't close.

I get off at 3. Where do you want to meet?

Have you heard of Pietro's Bakery?

YEAH! I love their cinnamon rolls!

I know the owner. Let’s meet there at 4?

Wait! How do you know the owner?

😅Friends from work

I'll introduce you.

Awesome! I can't wait to see you again, Sam.

Me too. Sleep tight, Y/n

Good night, Sam 😊

And for the first time in months, you fell asleep with a smile on your face.

 Work was going by slowly for you and you kind of anticipated that it would. Whenever you were excited about something, time seemed to slow down.

You’d cleaned almost every aisle of the bookstore and made sure that all the books were facing the right way in the aisles that you cleaned. You’d fluffed pillows refilled coffee mugs of those that needed them and eagerly helped patrons that asked for help. You were intent on keeping yourself busy.

You’d looked at the clock for the millionth time and loudly groaned when you saw that it was only 1:30. You still had an hour and a half left of work.

You looked up eagerly when the chime above the door went off and crinkled your eyebrows when you saw Ty walk through the door. You watched as he scanned the room and make his way over to you when he spotted you.

“I need your car,” he said once he reached you and you rolled your eyes.

“Hey Y/n,” you said in a mock voice. “Can I borrow your car?”

“Hey, Y/n, can I borrow your car?” Ty repeated with a dry voice.

“Why?” your hand was on your hip as you waited for his response.

“Because I have to work late tonight and I’d rather not take a Lyft.” Ty held his hand out for your key and you looked him up and down.

“So how am I supposed to get home?” you said, your foot tapping with annoyance.

He shrugged, “Take a Lyft. Look Y/n, give me the damn keys, I’m about to be late for work.” 

You crossed your arms and pursed your lips, “That sounds like a personal problem.”

“Look, Y/n, I really don’t have time for this,” you could tell that he was becoming agitated. You fished your keys from your pocket and handed them to him, and he snatched them from you and turned to walk away.

“You’re welcome,” you mumbled. “Make sure you put some gas in it too!” you yelled at his retreating form.

“When you gon let him go, Y/n?” your coworker, Tanya, asked you as you walked back up to the front of the store. “The way he treats you isn’t right, and I know you know that.”

“Yeah, I know. I just… I don’t know,” you admitted. “I know he loved me once, but now I don’t know. Now I think he just sees me as… less. Ya know. Like, he barely touches me anymore, not even a hug. It’s like our relationship has run its course but neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye.”

“Wow,” Tanya dragged out. “Quoting Gladys Knight?” she chuckled. “Look, you deserve someone that’s gonna love you no matter what. Someone that worships you and brings out the best in you and Ty does not do that. He never did, and you know it. I say, be the first one to say goodbye, because you deserve way better than he can give you.”

You chewed your lip as you thought about what she said. Your three-year relationship with Ty was stagnant, and you couldn’t think of a time when it wasn’t. There was no fire, there never had been, and honestly, your fights weren’t even fights. He typically just sat there as you complained about his mess or that he forgot to come pick you up, something that happened way too often for your liking.

You groaned at your situation wondering how you managed to dig yourself into this hole.

You finished helping one last customer before you clocked out for the day. Now that you didn’t have your car, it would take you longer to get there. You decided to walk instead of catching a Lyft. You needed some time to clear your head before meeting up with Sam.

You window-shopped as you made your way to the bakery. You took in all the sales and wished that you could stop and partake in some retail therapy, but you continued on.

You made it to the bakery sooner than you had hoped, but you didn’t have anywhere else to go so you went in.

You walked to the counter and ordered yourself a cinnamon roll and found a seat in the corner. As you waited, you people watched the patrons in the bakery. Some were old, some were young, but many of them were around your age it seemed. Most of them came in with their families, and it made your heart hurt a little. When you were younger, you thought that you would be married with a couple of kids by now. You had plans after college, but for some reason, they didn’t pan out for you. 

You picked at your cinnamon roll for a few minutes before a shadow cast over you.

“You’re early!” Sam’s booming voice startled you.

“Hey, Sam!” you slid out of your seat and threw your arms around his neck. You melted into his embrace; it felt like you belonged here. Quickly shaking yourself from your thoughts, you pulled away from him and sat back down.

“I’m glad you came, Y/n,” Sam’s smile took up his entire face. That was one thing that you loved about him, his smile was infectious. You couldn’t help but to smile when he did, and his smiles were always genuine, never forced.

You two talked for hours, you didn’t even notice that the sun had gone down.

“Hey, Sam,” a woman with fire-red hair appeared next to your table.

“Wanda, hey, this is Y/n. Y/n, this is Wanda, she owns the place.” Sam introduced the two of you and you smiled as you shook her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Y/n,” she smiled brightly at you. “I’ve heard a lot about you over the last few years, Y/n, it’s great to finally meet you.”

You looked to her in confusion before she continued, “He said that you’re the um, what did you say, Sam?”

“It’s not important, Wanda,” Sam said, clearly trying to get her to move on.

“That’s right, you’re ‘the one that got away’,” she winked at you with a smirk on her face before turning to Sam once again. “I’m going to head home, will you lock up for me?”

Sam nodded once again, “Good night, Wanda!”

You watched as Wanda walked away laughing to herself at Sam’s obvious discomfort. “Well, she’s sweet,” you commented once you heard the back door lock.

“Yeah, and a pain in my ass,” Sam grumbled. “Look-”

You cut him off, “So I’m the one that got away?” you chuckled.

He shrugged, “I had plans to come and get you once I got out but I was kinda messed up after Riley, then Captain America needed me, then the whole Thanos thing. I just wanted to be at my best when I finally did get to see you.”

“Sam, I have-”

“You have a boyfriend, yeah I know.” he scrubbed his face with his hands. “Can you tell me that you’re happy with him, Y/n?”

You remained silent, giving him your answer.

“We have history, Y/n,” Sam continued. “You know you’re mine, and you know I’ll do all the things he won’t do. I’ll do them for you.”

“You know I remember that night? And I know you remember it too.”

Your eyes fluttered closed as the images of that night flashed through your mind.

The two of you panted as Sam thrusted into you, his hips moving at a slow pace and your nails dragging down his back. He fit so well inside of you, like he was made for you. You’d lost count of how many times he’d made you cum already, but you could feel another orgasm stirring. He whispered in your ear, telling you how good you felt wrapped around him.

You’d imagined this many times before, but nothing, nothing, had prepared you for how he would actually make you feel. 

Sam’s hips began to move faster and his hands moved down to your hips to hold you into place as he fucked into you. Your breathy moans filled the air as he grunted in your ear. You’d never heard anything sweeter than the sound of his voice as the two of you made love.

In that moment, you imagined your life being filled with this. Coming home to Sam, loving him, and having him love you. That was something that you could get used to.

You snapped out of your thoughts when Sam squeezed your hand, a smirk on his lips because he knew what you had been thinking about.

“Y/n, he treats you like your nothing,” Sam said instead. “You’ve told me about all of the times that he’s taken your car and had you find your own way home. I wanna do all the things your man won’t do.”

You chewed your lip, “I hear what you’re saying, but-”

“What good is a diamond nobody can see?” Sam asked. Your hand rested in his as his thumb ran over your knuckles. 

You shrugged, “We’ve been together for three years. It just doesn’t feel right leaving him, ya know?”

“You’d rather spend the rest of your life unhappy?” Sam lowered his voice and leaned closer to you over the table. “Y/n, you know I can make you happy. You deserve it.”

“Sam I-,”

“You say you need someone to be there for you,” he interrupted you again. “To love you all night long

I don't think you have to look no further because I'm right here. And I'm ready to do all the things your man won't do.”

You locked eyes with him once more, and you saw nothing but sincerity there. Sam was your safe place. He was your home, and he was right. You didn’t have to look further. He was the one for you.

[weirdo-with-a-nametag]

Brain is tv static with random frames interspersed

Think I'm like. Really stressed and jumping between topics to try and find something that helps / feels good

Topics:

Anyone know a good health tracking app for adhd people? I want one that like pops up when you open your phone, maybe? But is unobtrusive. Like maybe you just rate your mood or whatever when you open your phone, and it closes, and you go about your business. I just hate every app and paper method I've tried but really want to track some stuff

Pigeon. ? Pigeon as pet?

Service animals re: cats, pigeons, my cat specifically, and then also ESAs and also what to use as treats while training my cat (he's pretty happy to learn behaviors with praise and pets as reinforcement, but treats would make everything move much faster, but I haven't found something I want to give him so we've just been y'know. Chillin)

Service animals re: what tasks can my pet potentially do that would help me? I don't really know a lot about service animals and there is a Huge range. If anyone has suggestions, or places to read about it, I'd appreciate it! Mostly thinking they may help with anxiety, sensory, and mobility/fatigue related stuff. Not much of a need for medical alerts.

Bioactive enclosures for my snakes, need to research their biomes and make progress on designs and equipment specifications

Also. Hit a seriously hard patch and haven't been handling them much at all this month so that's not great

Casting stuff. Saw jewelry today made of metal casts of claws, skulls, etc, and they were really well done and made me want to do that

Some taxidermy / vulture culture stuff I won't get into right now

Puzzles????

How to organize my room

Need a shower

Need to organize bathroom

So Much Schoolwork

Uhhhhh trying, but not making much headway, to figure out how I want to do my music collection. Also really need to clean my records..

Make?

Food??? Ew.

Dental hygiene ://

Plampts. So many. Houseplants need maintenance, many need repotting. Keep taking in people's problem plants and like, they're doing better, largely, after being trimmed and watered and whatnot, but need repotting. Also need to trim some aquarium plants.

Also need to put water in tanks. And spray nepenthes.

Laundry.

Gotta pick up trash in my room. There's so much. Everywhere. Why.

Schoolwork. I'm so behind. So, so stuck. Kind of feel like I'm dying.

Going on a picnic tomorrow. Have to figure out what still needs doing for that, probably need to go to the store.

Leo needs water. I'm so....ugh, I'm trying so hard, but it feels impossible. I do my best to take good care of my pets, and I think they live pretty good lives most of the time, but sometimes I get like This and completely drop off the face of the earth and then like, wake up or whatever and two weeks have passed by and I have not cleaned a water bowl! That's a serious problem!!!! I do not know how to combat that, really, besides more reminders. Having someone around who is willing to like, help, when things are especially hard, would be great, but I don't live with my partner right now and do not feel like I can ask anyone here for that. But I can't put my animals at risk. I check on them every day, and if their bowls are dirty I do take them out and clean them, but sometimes (like now) i cannot get myself to do it without a pressure like a dirty bowl, or a feeding day. And like, it's really important that they have clean water. I'm talking to myself here but like, if anyone has advice. Please. With the tank redesigns and upgrades, the bowls will be more accessible, which will help because one of them is very heavy at the angle I have to pick it up, and another requires moving a lot of branches and is best to take out while the snake is out (this is Leo) which is fine because I love my boy, but adds time to the process, and makes it harder to start, you know? Maybe if I just got more bowls - I could take the bowl out and immediately replace it, fill the new one, and replace the decor and snake, and then clean the bowl as a separate task? That would be easier for my brain. Currently I have a Specific bowl I prefer to use for each tank, and then everything else is Just In Case, but I mean. Acquiring extras is something I want to do anyway, and it may help with several problems, so. Yeah. I'll try that. But also, any other ideas, guys?

Anxiety: can't stop picking at my face, skin, nails, cuticles, scalp, pretty much everywhere with callouses, also scratched a mole off my face, which is something I've been trying Not to do for a while, so that's...not great. Can't find my earmuffs, and also all of my headphones are painful? Ears are really sensitive lately.

Been playing a lot of Moth Game (flutter: starlight if you wanna be friends say hey I don't know how to do it but would enjoy talking about moths if nothing else. The game is just like, an idle ish collecting game with cutesy versions of different species, and very little actual information, but it's still fun, and if anyone else is on there and also Into Moths like I am, hiiiii) and like it's fun and cute but also greatly impacting my productivity, and raises my stress levels during events, which is most days, so the game has. Not been helping. But I can't stop because then I'll miss Exclusive Moths.

Anyway. Had baklava and two mugs of Thai tea today and the sugar has made me nauseous.

Trying to journal. Hurts to write. Also takes too long. Also my handwriting is very bad. But typing is..not as good

Want to draw. Thinking about drawing cats

Plants again! Want to make seed bombs, have seeds, have most of the other ingredients, just need to put em together, basically.

Really sad :(

Or am I?

Weird noise coming from dining room?

Birds. Spent half an hour at least on the deck tonight listening to a hundred different bird calls (literally) to identify one I was hearing, it was a pine siskin, which I checked early on but the recording was bad and I didn't realize which call was identified. Anyway, cool to put a name to a face, so to speak.

Need to practice for ASL

So much.....to do...

Only had like >3 hours of work this week which was not great because money, but also like I'm really feeling those 3 hours....

My cat is basically refusing to come into my room? Which is very strange and I'm worried something is Off but cannot figure out what. Also means less cuddles which means I'm sad.

It feels strange whenever people follow me, the attention is nice but I have no idea what content y'all are here for. So to everyone: hi, enjoy, hope my random personal posts aren't a surprise to anyone who followed for like. News reblogs and informational stuff.

Do I even have it in me to..be successful in school? Should I drop out of college? I'm struggling really hard and do not feel like I'm building on the skills I need to continue, so like. Uh.

My dad is being. Abrasive.

Mom and grandma are very angry lately

Housemate is also angry, about things i thought we were on good terms about, so I am stressed because like,, are we okay?

Can't find my eye mask :(

Yoga? Like...restorative yoga? Need to track down my PT stuff. And. Do it.

Need to put the stickers on my license plates....oops...

Still haven't found my antidepressants! Yay!

Do I want to store my stuff in open bins, or with lids? Which stuff needs spill protection and stacking capability and which stuff needs easy access?

How to earn money without..chaos

Gotta go to the pet store tomorrow. Have to compile my list of pet store items i need. Uhhhhhhhhhh

Also I have an essay due tomorrow that I've barely started. So. Wooooooo

Kt tape for supporting arches / inner ankles? I keep messing up my ankles, and part of it is walking wrong because I don't have the energy to engage the muscles in my feet/legs right to like, avoid injury, and part of it is I just need new shoes inserts. But i wear slippers a lot and they do not have arch support and it hurts. PT to help with this also but Where Is It

Family can't seem to get dish soap I can use, so I've just been having to avoid washing anything by hand, or being in the general kitchen area while anyone uses the stuff, which has led to more of my dishes sitting out, and more conflict over dishes. Lovely.

How hard is it for parents to learn they have to respect boundaries? Very hard, apparently. And you're supposed to just sort of remind people, and explain, over and over and over but like at this point my self worth is actually pretty good and the lifetime of proof that they do not want to listen? That's making me want to stop trying. Like, if you're not going to respect my boundaries I'm just not going to involve you in my life. I'm not talking to my dad right now because of this. Maybe I'll decide to lay things out to him, again and again and again again, maybe not. And I'm comfortable saying that's on him.

How to drink water

Am I dehydrated or are my hands just completely callous now. My fingertips have such hard skin. Why? It's uncomfortable. This is part of why I've been biting them.

Also testosterone. Been having a lot of trouble doing my shots, because anxiety and physical freakouts, but also not feeling super urgent about it. Which I'm realizing may be a sign i need to look at the effects so far and the possible effects of continuing, and see what they make me feel. It's possible I'm where I want to be as far as T, and don't really want to stay on it. A big thing for me is a deeper voice, so it seems time to take a look at whether I like my voice where it is or want to see if it'll drop any more. Etc etc

Miss my lil sisters

Saw a lot of cool rocks today. Huge (like hand sized) ammonite for $28. May go back and buy one because. Wow.

Want to plant food plants

Also my natives. Whole garden plot standing empty with a bunch of stuff waiting in nursery pots, needing to go in the ground. Because I can't get out of bed. Love that. Stuff is dying out there, I'm dying in here, there's a poetry to it and I do not want to romanticize suffering so I will say this: I brought a Bucket full of moss home a month ago and planted it and now go outside sometimes to drench my moss and it is very rewarding because the stuff is just so green. Incredible. When the rest of my plants are finally in the ground, that feeling will only intensify. But, for now, the moss is very nice.

Made a glow in the dark bead lizard from memory during therapy yesterday, and I love him. Also, still struggling with bringing up autism and psychosis topics with my therapist. Still very worried about. Things. Would like to get a new person? But sometimes she is helpful? And we have a routine. It's very hard to break the routine. Maybe I can set some time aside during the summer, to figure out what to do there.

Term ends in a couple weeks. The task of catching up, of passing, seems impossible. I really need to pass my courses. I'm on academic warning, because my GPA is lower than it should be, and if I can pass all of my classes this term I can get off academic warning but otherwise I'm not sure what will happen to my financial aid.

My phone is playing the same 50-100 songs on shuffle and I don't even particularly like most of them and it is very strange

Got my face wipes! Hooray, i can wash my face again

Been eating too much sugar in general. It's making my joints hurt more, and the nausea

Pet a dog the other day. I miss that. It would be really nice to have a dog in the house again. The exuberance, the cuddles, the tail wagging, the walks... I'd really like that. Maybe once I'm out in my room, tanks and catio built and everyone is situated, I'll look into getting a dog instead of a cat next. Was planning on holding off in case I'm not physically able to take them out on walks and such, but I've been pretty successful at doing this job, and I think that my main hurdle for walking really is motivation. Dog walking is a strong motivator for me. Best to start by fostering, or just do Wag, for a while though. I'm feeling overwhelmed with my current responsibilities, and here I am talking about getting a dog. Good job, me

How do you get wax off of somewhat water soluble rocks? My housemate broke my lava lamp on some of my rock collection and I am not sure how to get some of them clean without damage.

I am...pretty sure there are collared doves nesting over my room but it seems they're less common around here than I thought? But they are..pretty distinctive. Like if I'm wrong, what are those birds. Some very distinctly colored feral pigeons? Who are nesting here, in a tree, without their flock, and who happen to have pretty much the exact same pattern?

Probably should go to the dollar store and get some bins for organizing

Been wanting to keep a bin by the door and stock it with stim/fidget stuff people can just .have ..like extras of some of my favorites and other things i can get ahold of, to offer to my friends who haven't really had the chance to explore the world of stim toys

Hands are really just not doing great the last several weeks. Arthritis type pain cropping up more and more in all the little joints, making it hurt more to write, type, or just use them for whatever. Coordination isn't great because of that distraction, and because my hands/arms are slow to respond and kinda weak. Most people would say I'm not using them enough but I've been doing 15ish hours of manual labor per week, so maybe it's the other direction? More water would help. If only it wasn't so heavy.

I haven't taken a single shower since I started my job. Which was March 29th. That's not great.

Practiced parallel parking today. 10/10 still very bad at it.

Having anxiety that my friends think I'm lying about things, faking, and are watching me to see if I'll slip up. So that sucks. Can either talk about that directly or indirectly, or just shut up about those things until I can get my brain under control again. I'm not sure right now if the reassurance would work as a reality check or make me believe it more, right now, so might hold off on the talking bit for a little while.

Saw, smelled, picked a couple pretty roses. Good times

At this point I'm just trying to list all my thoughts so that maybe I'll be able to sleep and not worry I'll forget

My mom has put her spider plant on the deck, and it has maybe five living leaves. I have no idea how she killed such a well established spider plant, the last time I saw it it was so happy. Did she stick it in a corner and forget to water it? Whatever happened, it is now in the Plant ER, so hopefully I'll be able to...help get it on the up and up again

Leo is such a pretty noodle. He's so pretty. He's posing. Hi, baby boy.

Oh, he saw me moving around and decided to come say hi. Sorry little man, i did not mean to disturb you. Please resume lounging. I can't bring you out right now, I'm trying to sleep.

Also, terrariums. Water features. Need to ask. Someone. The one who was making that super cool garter snake enclosure and blogging the progress? With the lazy river and pool? About maintenance on that kind of setup. My milk snake really enjoys water, and I'd love to put a water feature in his tank. But I'm unclear on how to keep it clean, or honestly where to start. Don't want any huge falls or anything, though it actually may not make the humidity too high if I did maybe a small drip wall into the pool? That seems like something he would enjoy, and a good way to support different types of plants. But like, that's the thing, it's bioactive and I haven't done that before and no amount of research is ever enough.

Oh, Shogun has a dirt hat. How cute. I love when they do that

See, this is the thing. My snakes make me so happy. All three of them are actually hanging out where I can see them from my bed right now, and it's really nice. I want their lives to be the best possible, and I think I have the resources to do that. Which is so exciting. Now if only my brain and body would cooperate. It would hurt quite a lot to have to re-home any of them, but the most important thing is their health and quality of life, you know? If I can't get my act together somewhat, it may be that one or all of them would be better off with another keeper. I don't know. It's just, i talk about all these tank ideas and all this husbandry standards stuff but how much of it actually gets applied to my own animals whose lives are in my hands? How well am I caring for them, really?

Oh!!! My red thread! I thought that was gone forever.

Anyway, please do not worry. My snakes are healthy. I pay attention, and watch for signs of illness, and they're okay. There will always be places to improve, and the water is a big one, but most of the time i change their water out frequently, I'm just worried because of bad depression and fatigue times, you know? I'm working on making the most self sustaining systems i can, in part so that I am sure they'll be okay if I mess up sometimes. Just saying this because I hope you guys don't feel like you need to worry about the welfare of my pets. They're okay, i just always want better for them, is all.

Anyway, the sun is coming up and I should probably go to sleep. So uh, thanks for reading, if you read all of this randomness, and if anyone has thoughts or advice on anything in this post, i would welcome it! Good night!

[raleigh-ocean]

i’ll be good (for all the light I shut out) | ally mayfair-richards x danna bishop

words: 4,524

summary: Being the one supportive, the one fixing things, wasn’t something Ally knew how to do. But after three years she thought that maybe, finally, she managed to make a difference. And it all came by the hand of the woman she was trying to comfort.

After three years, sometimes Ally still got uneasy when there was too much silence in the house. 

It didn’t help at all that she got used in almost two years to have a loud house, Ozzy always filling it with his laughter and Danna helping him with her usual bubbly self. So that was part of why the moment she crossed the front door, taking off her coat and shoes, she felt wrong having that calmness hanging around. Even more since Danna had the day off, which meant more often than not that Ally could come home to a little revolution led by her son and their tiny dog against her partner.

Rolling up the sleeves of her sweater, Ally tried to check the first floor and the backyard in case Ozzy and Danna were there somewhere. As far as she knew, mostly through Danna’s texts, they didn’t do much in the day but the usual schedule. It was true that after lunch Danna went silent, but Ally just didn’t put much thought into it since she was busy at the restaurant first and then at the office. Also, once again, it was Danna’s day off and probably she was just relaxing if there wasn’t a revolution going on.

Ally scratched her cheek lightly when she didn’t see any of the other members of her family around the first floor, getting a bit worried. Not even Roberto came to welcome her home, which was as strange as not having Oz and Danna welcoming her. So her best bet was to try some luck upstairs.

Ozzy’s room was empty but Ally frowned a bit when she saw her bedroom’s door closed. Which mischief were they up to today? She thought while carefully opening the door of the bedroom to not startle them and probably caught them red handed.

But all she saw was the most tender picture ever.

Cuddled in bed, those three hurricanes she loved so dearly seemed to enjoy just being in the presence of each other. Oz had his headset on, video game controller tightly held in his hands while pressing the buttons as fast as he could, clad in his superhero onesie and his ginger curls held back by the headset; Danna was also clad in the parrot onesie she bought to match Ozzy’s, her arm around him as if she was hugging him protectively, but she was totally KO’d against the so many pillows they had and she had Bob inside the onesie, his tiny head showing through the collar, resting comfortably in her chest, and revealing he was as fast asleep as his owner.

She couldn’t help but capture the moment with her phone and get caught by her son a second later.

“Shh,” Ozzy was pretty careful doing the shush motion towards her and then motioned her to come forward. 

Ally tiptoed her way to her side of the bed, empty aside of the food tray that was there and carefully moved it to the floor to occupy the space. Ozzy leant a bit to get his daily kiss on the forehead, which Ally gave gladly before fixing her eyes to the screen to watch her son play. If she was being honest, she still wasn’t so sure about having a television in the room but that was probably the old Ally trying to come back, because the new Ally reminded her that it was actually a not so bad addition.

“What did you have for lunch?” Ally whispered to Ozzy, taking off slightly one side of the headset so he could hear her better.

“Danna made cuban sandwiches with...some kind of plantain thing, it was tasty, we ate in bed watching a show,” he said all of that without looking away from the television. “We were extra careful, I promise, we didn’t drop anything, not a crumb.”

Ally didn’t have many rules as of now, but Ozzy still had that tiny thing engraved in him that always made Ally feel a bit uneasy. Overall because in so little time she changed and grew out of many of her old habits. 

“It’s okay, sweetie, not the usual but okay,” she felt the need to reassure him and Ozzy smiled at her for a moment before going back to the game. “Homework?”

“Done,” Ozzy pointed at the little pile of books and notebooks over the nightstand.

“Okay, that’s impressive,” Ally raised her eyebrows at that, because lately he wasn’t a big fan of doing things immediately, and felt tempted to put her own hand over Danna’s, which was placed against Ozzy’s belly. “What got into you?” Ozzy shrugged and looked down a bit. “Oz?”

They’re attention was drawn by a tiny dog yawn, Bob waking up and wagging his tail still half asleep when he saw Ally. She approached her hand to give him some quick cuddle, gaining a lazy lick back before he dropped his head against Danna’s soft chest again, snuggling just like that.

Danna frowned in her sleep, rolling slightly towards Ozzy’s body, and kept sleeping undisturbed. For a second Ally smiled and decided to finally put her hand over Danna’s. Intertwining their fingers automatically, it didn’t wake Danna up but it made her hum in her sleep.

“Mom?” Ally hummed in response, not letting go of Danna’s hand but getting herself more comfortable against the pillows. “I think...she’s sad.”

Hearing Ozzy saying that made Ally look at him a bit perplexed. 

“How so?”

“She didn’t have music on when she picked me up at school,” Ozzy took off the headset and left it over his legs with the controller. “Not even when cooking. She asked me about school, that’s what you do, not her, and it was weird,” Ally wanted to tell him that everything seemed off the second he said that there wasn’t music. “But then she...I don’t know mom, Danna had red eyes and didn’t laugh with my joke.”

“That’s...a lot of things, baby,” it was pretty impressive that Ozzy managed to figure out all of that with a few hours of being together with Danna. “Did she say something weird?”

“She said she was tired,” Ozzy shrugged again and looked at Danna for a second before looking at his hands again. “You say when someone’s tired, it helps when someone else makes things easy for them,” Ally smiled at that, because he was a good kid. “So...I helped with food and told her to have a pajama afternoon,” Ozzy looked at their pajamas. “I asked her to help me with homework and then I showed her how to play my game,” then he looked at Ally and Danna’s joined hands pressed in his belly. “She fell asleep with Bob after one game.”

“I see.”

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, mostly because Ally got into her head and she had much to think about. With Oz back in his game, she actually had the first break in all day and she decided to close her eyes as well.

This morning when she left Danna didn’t seem any different from another day. Well, since Dara’s incident it was true that her mood - all the cousins’ mood as a matter of fact - had changed a bit, but it was normal taking in count how close they all were. They were worried, of course, and Danna was the one being the furthest from them, which Ally thought would make worse the worry but Danna kept being her sunshine-ish self and probably Ally should have pressed her a bit more.

“Mom?”

It was lucky she kept her eyes closed, because she felt herself tear up a bit with the only thought of having Danna feeling bad in silence.

“Yes honey?” Ally stilled her voice with a long sigh.

“I don’t like seeing mama sad.”

Yeah, Ozzy was too good for this world. Since Valentine’s, Oz had slipped a few more times by addressing Danna as that and, to be completely honest, she liked how the word sounded when it went towards the other woman. She didn’t press Ozzy into anything, Danna neither, they only played it cool and, well, maybe someday he would actually be vocal about it.

“I don’t like it either,” Ally caressed Oz’s belly with her thumb absentmindedly. 

“Should we call titi and ask what we could do?” Ozzy liked Danielle and Ally found funny how fast he bonded with Danna’s twin sister since he only saw her a few times. Not even with Ally’s sisters was he that close.

“Let me think about something and if it doesn’t work, we call her, okay?” Ozzy was the one humming in response now and then he let out a pained groan when he lost the game, turning the console off and letting his head rest in his mother’s chest. “Another level you can’t pass?”

“Yeah…Dami should know how to,” he groaned again but didn’t move because being cuddled by his mom was the best thing on Earth. “I’m hungry again.”

“Well, it’s not a surprise, you ate around four and it’s almost nine,” Ally got surprised when she checked her wristwatch. “Okay, you go get showered and I’ll come up with something for dinner,” her eyes went to Danna. “Something we three like.”

“Pizza?” excitement filled Ozzy’s voice and Ally rolled her eyes. “It’s pizza, right?”

“It’s pizza as long as you go shower now.”

And just like that, Ozzy broke their linked hands and ran fast towards the bathroom. That made Bob to finally react, waking up with the highest energy an eight year-old chihuahua could gather and waking Danna up in the process, the tiny dog going after Oz without giving Ally a single bark. 

“And with the demigod gone, the Goddess herself finally showed up,” Danna yawned big and let herself fall onto Ally’s lap, hugging her like that with her eyes still closed. “Will I burn if you show me your real form?”

“How can you go all mighty speech right after waking up? A mystery to me,” Ally giggled and caressed Danna’s cheek with her fingertips. “Was the nap good?”

“Mhm,” Danna nodded lazily, nuzzling her nose against Ally’s belly and then she laid face up, so she could look at her better. “If I wasn’t starving, I would skip dinner and go on with it till tomorrow.”

“You missing pizza is very unlikely,” that made both laugh for a second and then they went silent, enjoying each other’s presence. Ally was sure that if she kept at it with the tiny caresses, she would lull Danna to sleep again. “Ozzy told me you were sad.”

“That’s not true,” Danna frowned, eyes closed again. “Would a sad person be dressed as a fluffy parrot? I think not.”

“Darianna,” Ally whispered Danna’s full name and she got her to open her eyes, no sleep in them. “He said you didn’t laugh at his joke and asked him about school which, in his words, it’s a thing that I do,” Danna got the guilt all over her face and rested both of her hands over her own chest. “And he said you had red eyes, so either a sandstorm got in your eyes or you were crying.”

“Sandstorms in Michigan are a very common thing,” Ally rolled her eyes at that and, like Danna used to do when she felt like annoying her, she pinched her nose until Danna swatted her hand away to get some air. “Okay, okay! Nani called this morning and maybe I cried for half an hour after hanging up, happy now?”

“Not really,” Danna sat up to Ally’s response and then leant back in the pillows, leaving both side by side in bed in silence again. Ally put her hand over the bed, facing up, as an offering to Danna, who was fast to take such a lovely offer. “I’m not really happy when the woman I love is hurting and she doesn’t tell me so I can do something about it.”

Ally watched Danna look at the ceiling for a few seconds and then to their hands, how she pulled off the hoodie with her free hand and then put it over her eyes. Ally could only squeeze her hand a bit upon seeing Danna’s tears leaking through her fingers, silent sobs making her body tremble.

Danna didn’t cry much, but it was heartbreaking every single time she did.

“They don’t know what to do to get her out of bed,” Danna’s voice was tiny and scared. “Lia and Nani say she’s catatonic or I don’t know. Nani called me to ask for one of our granny’s recipes, so maybe that could comfort her or get her better magically,” Ally brought their hands to her lap and used her free hand to cover them. “Billie is working from home to take care of her, Audrey is helping, Damien goes everyday after high school to spend time with her. Even Shelby has stayed with her!” Danna said that last point a bit furiously. “And all I can do is nothing, like always, just give my sister an old recipe in hopes for something that won’t happen any time soon.”

And then Danna started to cry harder, making Ally to get closer and bring her to her chest to let her hide there. 

Because it was what Danna needed and she knew it. To let go of all her inner turmoil and to be held, to be listened, not heard. Ally could listen to her as long as she wanted and needed, she could do that for sure, because the new Ally wanted to be better than the old one so fucking bad that if she had to sit for an hour listening, she will do it without a single doubt in mind.

“This is what I hate the most about my life and me,” Danna kept sobbing on Ally’s chest and she kept hugging her. “I’m not there when things happen, they can’t rely on me because I’m never there,” Ally closed her eyes a bit, because those things were pretty heavy statements. “My aunt died when Lia was eighteen, where was I? Arizona, couldn’t even attend the funeral and when I went to Sacramento after three months, Dahlia already moved to Seattle to attend uni,” Danna rubbed her eyes to stop the tears, but they didn’t stop coming. “When Nani gave birth to Damien, we were in this stupid nine year feud that made me miss all kind of things, and I should have been there...but where was I again? New York, getting yelled at while my twin sister was being cut in half like a turkey because my niece was coming way too early in Québec,” Ally reminded herself not to mention that terrible simile in the future and neither the information that was thrown at her. “And Dari...where do I fucking start? When she ran away to Los Angeles, we met because I was working there at the time and I bought that she was visiting a friend? When she got into a car accident and I was in Germany so I didn’t see her until way after New Year’s Eve?”

“Sweetheart, it’s impossible that you knew all of that was going to happen…” Ally brushed her hair with care, kissing the crown of her head. 

“But I should have known, because I’m the oldest and...they needed me, I wasn’t there, and the story repeats itself.”

Shocking revelation for a wrecked situation. 

Ally didn’t know what to say right away but kept giving Danna cuddles, trying to get her to slow down with the choking with her own tears. Danna talked really fast when she was upset, Ozzy showered really slow, so in between both things Ally felt that they had enough time to settle part of this giganormous conversation. 

“Why can’t I be there but they can?” Danna moved to rest her head on Ally's shoulder, which prompted her to leave a kiss in her forehead. “Lia took a train to Vancouver from Seattle to be with me during Christmas because I got sick that same year and didn’t leave me until she was sure I stopped from throwing up my insides out,” there was now fondness in Danna’s affected voice. “Dari picked me up when they kicked me out of the restaurant I was working in Los Angeles, we went to party together and ended up eating tacos at the beach with a punk band, and even after that she kept checking on me until my mentor called me and I moved to Chicago,” with that, Ally couldn’t help but write down somewhere in her head to ask about that again in the future, because the punk band part sounded fun at least. “And Nani...Damien was barely six months old when my stupid heart made stupid things and Nani strapped that badass baby girl to her chest, flew from Québec to Sacramento and didn’t leave my side for days,” there her voice went tinier and Ally felt her own heart squeezed against her ribcage. “You should have seen my ex-brother-in-law’s face when Nani said I was coming back home with them. Nani was the one that sat us down to talk, put the stupid feud behind, and started all over again.” Danna rubbed her eyes and looked at Ally, who was watching her with understanding eyes and soft smile. “How did they know when to stop their lives for a second to be there…?”

Ally didn’t know either the answer to that, mostly because she didn’t know them much to begin with, but leant in to press a kiss to her lips. Danna kissed her back like always, lingering both in the moment before Ally found the right words to say while trying to wipe away Danna’s tears with her sleeve.

“It’s a matter of context and situations, sweetheart. I’m pretty sure they actually didn’t know,” Ally took Danna’s face between her hands with love, tracing the soft flesh of her cheeks with her thumbs tenderly. “It's something that happens, and that’s it. We can wish to have been there, but what we do afterwards it’s what counts the most if we weren’t.”

Danna sniffed a bit but didn’t seem to have something to say back, only moving enough so she could hug Ally better. For Ally it felt like the tiniest win, one she hoped brought some peace of mind to her girlfriend. They shared the silence, Ally brushing Danna’s cheek with her thumb carefully so she could sense she was still there, actively listening if she had something else to get out of her chest.

“Sorry for being such a disaster.”

Ozzy showing up was the only thing that stopped Ally from going full bananas over that statement. Seeing Danna withdrawing into her shell and trying to chirp her way through the conversation with Ozzy about which pizza they were having was one of the most painful things Ally had witnessed. And she fell quiet for the rest of the night, trying to think about how to approach Danna about that again.

It wasn’t until they were back in the bedroom, Danna out of the onesie and with an actual pajama and Ally fresh out of the shower, that Ally acted on it. Difficult as it was, taking in count Danna was falling asleep once again thanks to the television, she took away the controller without much trouble and turned it off before moving under the blankets so she was straddling Danna effortlessly.

That woke the latina enough to move her hands towards Ally’s belly, her weak spot, right away.

"You should turn on the television if you wanna do that, bunny," Ally rolled her eyes a bit by Danna's nickname for her for the day. "Don't you think?"

"No, I need to be forward with you Darianna."

"Allyson, when you say my full name while on top of me like this, it's very confusing," Danna said, giving Ally a soft boop on her nose. "I'm scaroused."

"Well, maybe you should be," Ally joked as a way of warning her partner, leaning to kiss her slowly and having Danna's hands finding their way to her ass. "But that's not the thing tonight…" Ally sat up again, not being really heavy and placing her hands on top Danna's belly, playing with her shirt a bit. "...I don't like when you call yourself things. You're not a disaster, nor terrible, nor anything."

That made Danna move her hands to rest on Ally's covered thighs, avoiding the eye contact with her so she didn't have to face the truth somehow. That hurted Ally too much and her hand went naturally to Danna’s chin, lifting her face a bit so they could lock eyes.

“Because tell me, were you one when I broke my elbow and you drove me in half the time to the hospital? When you took care of everything around the house and the restaurant to get my part of the load off my back” Ally knew how stressed Danna could get in emergency situations, but she handled that pretty well. “And what about when Ozzy had to do that project for school last minute and you pulled the all-nighter, slept two hours and then went to work?” Ally found Danna’s hand and intertwined their fingers together. “Every time you looked after him? When he was sick with those fevers and he didn’t want to leave your side?” Ally saw how Danna sighed unsteadily, sign that she was about to cry again. “Or when we were down one or two in the restaurant and did everything they had to do yourself? When you cared and tried to find a solution when problems arose? When you try to teach everyone everything so they’re prepared just in case?” Danna’s lip quivered a bit and Ally pressed a kiss to let her know she was there. “I don’t see a disaster and that’s why I don’t like you saying those things, apologizing even. You’re not, you’re just someone that cares too much and has a lot going on in her life, and that’s it,” Another kiss and Ally’s hands went to cup Danna’s face with love. “And everyone loves you for that, I love you for that sunshine.”

“Okay, okay,” it was so sad hearing Danna talk with such a tiny voice, on the verge of tears, but she looked like she finally understood. “But I see why Oz doesn’t like when you scold him.”

“I wasn’t scolding you,” Ally laughed at that and that made Danna smile, a tiny cute smile for such a big woman. “I was just stating facts and trying to make you see what I see everyday.”

“I know…” Danna moved her hands behind Ally, just to rest them in her lower back. “Is just...I can’t help it sometimes, all these thoughts live rent free in my head,” she stretched her neck a bit and got more comfy. “And maybe I’m stressed and...I miss them Ally, I miss hugging them,” she mimicked what she said by pulling Ally down to hug her better, Ally falling without much trouble because she loved being held by her girlfriend. “I miss my family.”

With her chin resting on Danna’s chest, Ally stopped her train of thought for a second and her eyes went to her nightstand.

Was it maybe the right time to…?

It is, Allyson. Just fucking do it, come on, it’s been planned since February and it’s almost November!

Ally sometimes loved and hated her inner voice in equal parts, not gonna lie there. But today she was on the loving side she supposed, taking in count that she was listening to it since she came home hours ago.

Sneaking her arm out a bit, Ally managed to reach the drawer and blindly search for what she left there. Danna looked at her, asking silently what was she doing after pressing a kiss to her temple, but when Ally showed her the paper...well, she couldn’t help but tear up again.

“Let's go to Los Angeles then," Ally smiled at Danna, who was trying very hard to clean her own tears. "Do the reservation at the spa, let's stay with your sister for a few days, go visit your cousin and cook in person the recipe that may help her," Ally couldn't help but kiss Danna's chest, right where the neck of her shirt was letting her see the scary scar. "You need it, we need it, I bet Ozzy will be the happiest for skipping school for a few days."

"We'll have to talk with his teachers if we go more than the weekend…"

"Oh, you said that not me, I want it recorded," that made both laugh and Danna ended up moaning a bit because she was still crying. "Six days, we go pick up Oz on friday to school and by dinner time we would be there."

"What about the restaurant…? Your office…?"

"Office work I'll give an extra push to cover it up and I'll bring my laptop just in case," Ally was trying not to spiral on her own with all the stuff they'll have to arrange, and she was successful on it. "Restaurant, well, I trust in Beverly to replace me...and you have Ferdinand and Aathmika to handle the kitchen. We'll get everything in order so they don't have to worry about it."

"Ally...are you really sure we can do this right now…?"

Having Danna being the one thinking that hard in everything was a good change, a really good one, but Ally needed the spontaneous Danna right now.

"We can totally do it," she looked in her eyes while saying that. "As long as we are together, working like a team, I trust in us to get through it," it was difficult saying this, but she never felt that way with Ivy. "So...are you in Bishop?"

In that moment Ally didn't know that they'll work their asses off to get everything in place, that they'll arrive to a mess of a situation that - strangely enough - only Danna being physically there managed to fix, even getting Dara to eat and talk a bit more. She truly didn't know that, after fixing the mess, she would get to relax and to know better her sisters-in-law. Nor even that after she kept trying to organize her mind, right there on top of Danna, they'd have the softest sex they had in a while.

But she did know that this was the right thing to do, what they needed in order to keep going. Having Danna to agree was just the cherry on top and God that kissing away all her tears and almost all her worries lifted a heavy cape from Ally's shoulders.

She was indulging and growing out of her old ways, she was doing perfectly what her therapist and her were working towards. 

And helping the love of her life along the way was just plainly brutal.

[saedii-gilwraeth-simp]

Another World - TDC Holidays - Day 27

Hi, daughter of a nurse here to tell you to give nurses more respect. If you’re giving them 100% respect, give them 110%, they deserve it, especially with the year we’ve had.

DAY 27

AU: QUARANTINE

POV: BILLY/ARSINOE

He was working on a case for a client in the kitchen when Arsinoe got home. He made no move to go to her as she passed, waving gently as she smiled tiredly at him on the way to their bedroom. Her cheekbones bore deep red indents from where she’d been wearing a face mask and goggles for her 10 hour shift.

He heard the shower running and focused back on his work, fiddling with Arsinoe’s engagement ring that he wore on his pinky while she was at work so she didn’t have to furiously wash it every day.

She emerged from the bathroom in a towel just as he closed his laptop. She padded across the room to him and kissed his cheek, nuzzling into his neck slightly. She didn’t bother getting the dinner he had put aside for her.

“Hi,” she whispers.

“Hi. How was work?” Billy asked, although he knew the answer. She was a doctor in the middle of a pandemic, it wasn’t hard to guess how her day was.

“Shit. They had me in emergency for most of the day. The nurses are being run off their feet and no one in government respects them enough to pay them more even thought they do all the hard stuff. The whole thing’s fucked. Plus, I had a patient declare he had no symptoms and then have a massive coughing fit. It was lucky I got him with the face mask right before he coughed on the other patients,” she says, turning and walking into their bedroom. Billy scowled and followed her. She emerged from the wardrobe with a t-shirt and pair of his shorts, dropping her towel and quickly changing. He passed her engagement ring to her and she slides it back onto her finger.

“People like that have no respect,” he says. Arsinoe nods and tugs Billy towards her, laying them both down. Billy lies half on top of her, putting pressure on her right shoulder how he knows she likes after long days hunched over at work.

“Yeah, they’re plague rats, I know. At least we have the day off tomorrow,” she sighs again, this time with more relief. Billy frowns and looks at the date on the alarm clock beside their bed. He had lost track of the dates but Arsinoe was right, tomorrow they both have the day off.

They were supposed to be getting married tomorrow.

Instead, they would be spending the day inside, by themselves. Arsinoe said they should Skype their families, but Billy knew she didn’t really want to, so his plans for tomorrow were making Arsinoe’s favourite foods, good wine and better sex. She could persuade him to change the order if she wanted to.

He let her cuddle tighter into him and they laid there until the timer on their lights flicked them into darkness.

~

He woke to Arsinoe kissing up his neck. It was easily his favourite way to wake up and he hummed happily.

“Morning, babe,” he opened his eyes slowly to see she had drifted onto his chest in the night. He kisses her good morning and her nose scrunches slightly.

“You’re breath stinks,” she says, her voice thick with sleep. He smiles and kisses her forehead.

“Well it’s a tad difficult to get up and brush my teeth when the most wonderful person alive is on top of me,” he whispers. Her cheeks went red and she went to roll off him before he held her hips still, “I didn’t say I wanted you to move,” she watches him with those gorgeous dark eyes before patting his chest and rolling off him, stretching out on their sapphire sheets.

“Go brush your teeth, junior,” she mumbles and he stands, heading towards their ensuite. When he feels her eyes on him, he turns to see her eyes flicking up to his.

“Were you just looking at my ass?” He asks and she smiles.

“It looks good in those pyjamas,” she ceded. He chuckles and goes to brush his teeth. When he exits the bathroom, Arsinoe is gone but he can hear music and cooking coming from the kitchen. He follows the sounds and leans against the kitchen wall, watching her cook and hum along to the Footloose soundtrack. He falls in love all over again.

~

They don’t call their families during the day, instead pretending that they’re families were busy as Billy carries Arsinoe back to their bed after breakfast. They’re probably not, but Arsinoe really doesn’t care as Billy’s delicate fingers trace her tattooed ribs and he kisses her like she’s the sun that he hasn’t felt in months.

They take their slow, sweet time, long into the afternoon until both are sleepy again.

Arsinoe feels blissfully numb as Billy lays beside her, his fair hair tangled with her dark curls, his arm a nice weight across her stomach.

“I love you,” she whispers, the sound barely making a dent in the warm silence around them. Billy’s arm squeezes her stomach gently and he kisses her shoulder. His silent way of reciprocating her affection. She turns her head to watch him for a while, allowing herself to take him in.

He’s gotten more pale after so long inside, but that had revealed a layer of freckles across his nose that she hadn’t seen since they were in university together, combining their insurmountable and quite frankly asshole-ish ability to brag with an unbeaten beer pong record. She kisses his shoulder and rolls away as her phone vibrates on the bedside table. A message from their original wedding venue that she can ignore.

And a text from Jules from twenty minutes ago: have fun today! Enjoy the day off.

And then, 10 minutes later: You two are having too much fun aren’t you! And then a bunch of winky face emojis. Arsinoe rolls her eyes and turns back to her fiancee as he shifts and pulls her back into his arms, nuzzling into her neck.  

“I want to stay here for the rest of the day,” she says, running a hand over his jaw. He smiles delicately, kissing her fingers.

“Then let’s stay here for the rest of the day,” he says, kissing her and pulling her to rest on top of him.

TAG LIST: @poisonerrose​, @alwaysbored005​, @nataliaarronn​

[titriwrites]

In Sickness and in Health

First of all, thank you to @devikafernando for allowing me to use Charlie from our collab fanfics over at @titrianddevikawrite. I know you can use the distraction too, maybe? (By the way, this is probably an AU from our storyline as I’ve got no idea how this is going to fit anywhere :D )

And secondly, @pipolaki requested “If I die, I’m haunting you first.” from this prompt list

Enjoy on AO3 or under the cut!

In Sickness and in Health

Charlotte Cromwell – no, she corrects herself – Charlotte Hiddleston makes her way home after an exhausting day in the hospital. It’s nothing unusual, hell, she’s had a hundred times more horrible days somewhere in the past. It’s just that it didn’t really matter then. Not as much as it does now. Because as much as Charlie loves her job and helping her little patients, it’s definitely nothing compared to the life she’s living at home now.

Tom’s waiting for her there. Tom and their two daughters, because yes, Evie’s ‘hers’ now as well, and just as loved as little Rose is – who by now has her own little personality and is keeping her parents busy with all the enthusiasm and lust for adventure a two-year-old can have – especially being the daughter of one Tom Hiddleston.

Okay, Charlie admits as she slips out of her shoes first and then loses her jacket, the last week has been kind of hellish at home as well with her very own little patients waiting for her. First, it was Evie bringing the flu home from school. Of course, it didn’t take long for Rose to catch it, too, no matter how careful Tom and Charlie had been. But now it seems like their children survived – Tom has probably suffered more than them, though – and Charlie’s just glad it’s over for now.

She checks the clock in the kitchen as she prepares her tea. 9 o’clock. She swears. She wanted to tell the children goodnight, but well, sometimes her job means that she can’t make it home to her own children in order to help others. Tom knows this and Evie gets it as well, little Rose is still too young to actually understand.

At least she can still hear the tv playing in the living-room, so she knows Tom’s still there and waiting for her. It is strangely quiet otherwise, though, no padding of feet on the floor announcing her husband making his way over to meet her. Maybe Tom’s fallen asleep? The two cats aren’t coming, either, but then again they may be out and about in the neighbourhood.

Charlie grabs the tea she’s prepared and makes her way from the kitchen to the living-room right next to it. She feels so at home in Tom’s house. It’s not the largest they could get probably, and it’s still the one Tom and Evie lived in with Emily, but it’s amazing how quickly they were all able to call it ‘theirs’.

And then Charlie stops before she’s reached the comfy couch Tom loves to lounge on. He’s indeed asleep. And slightly snoring, which is unusual for him, except for when he’s a bit tipsy – Charlie can’t see a sign of that anywhere – or when he comes down with the flu. You don’t really need to be a doctor to get it, do you?

She refrains from rolling her eyes, because just yesterday her husband told her how he never got sick and wouldn’t start with it now, but instead smiles sympathetically, puts down her tea on the coffee table and sits down next to Tom.

His skin is already a bit clammy and his hair sticks to his forehead. She rubs his shoulder softly, trying to get him to wake up without startling him.

“Tom?” she whispers. “Tom, love, wake up for me?”

“No,” is the mumbled reply, groaned into the pillow underneath his head.

Charlie smothers a grin. She’s seen him with a cold or the flu once or twice. She knows what state he’s in. Right after ‘I’m invincible, I’ll never get the flu’ comes ‘I’m perfectly fine, I simply choked and am not currently coughing my lungs out’. It’s paired with already being sick and the most stubborn pouts she’s ever seen on a grown-up’s face. But no matter how much Tom refuses to be sick, he actually is. So. No mocking him. At least not tonight. Tonight she wants to drink her tea, re-heat the dinner her family’s had and then go to bed, preferably with Tom.

“I think you’re already awake, though,” she whispers back. “And I can imagine you’re not feeling too good.”

“’m fine.”

“Fine.”

Blue eyes, a bit too glassy for her taste, stare back at her. With a slight cough Tom pushes himself up on his forearms, barely able to hold his own bodyweight. The hair that’s not stuck to his forehead falls in a mess of curls around his face. “Feeling good. How was your day?”

“Tom…”

“Charlie.”

She raises a brow. “You’re really going to do this? Even though we both know how this will end?”

The glare loses some of its power – that it didn’t even have in the first place – with the quiet sniffling Tom’s doing. “I don’t know what you mean,” he croaks out. “I just want to know how my wife’s feeling.”

Charlie chuckles. There really isn’t much else to do. Let him be stubborn, she’s going to prepare for tomorrow morning then. “Better than her husband I think,” she mumbles, but continues at Tom’s huff, “I’m a bit tired and a bit hungry. I’d love to eat some late dinner and then go to bed. Would you care to join me?”

He nods. “I’d love that. But no funny business if you’re tired.”

This time, she can’t smother the laugh that escapes her. “Understood. I’m the reason we’re not doing that tonight, my big, strong, healthy man. Thank you for looking out for me.”

***

Well, the next morning Charlie is awoken by her big, strong and healthy man moaning and groaning next to her in bed. And not in that sexy-bedroom-voice of his. It’s a little pathetic coughing that comes next and a very (very, very) weakly whispered, “Charlie, love? Help?”

She opens her eyes to a dark room, cuddled from behind by what seems to be a human furnace, but could just be her husband. The dawn is breaking outside, and Charlie can hear a bird here and there. Large hands rub her stomach and puffs of air meet her neck. Tom’s apparently so weak, he can’t even keep her in his arms as she turns around to face him.

Red cheeks, swollen eyes, red nose and dry lips. Yup, that’s the flu.

“How are you?” she asks, trailing a fingertip down Tom’s nose.

“Barely alive.”

Ah. So sometime during the night they’ve reached the next stage. Miserable Tom, who’s most certainly the closest to death any person has ever been without actually dying – probably, since the next 24 hours will be crucial.

“But still alive, that’s good,” she grins.

“If I die, I’m haunting you first.”

Charlie snickers, then attempts a shocked face. It’s not working and to be honest Tom couldn’t see it anyway, lying there in misery, eyes closed. “What have I done?”

“You’re mocking me. And you’re not doing anything to make me feel better and save me. You’ll regret this in one or two hours, when you’ll find me dead in our bed.”

“But you’re not really sick. You’ve told me so yesterday.”

“The situation has changed. It seems like this is a horrible flu, Charlie. It requires a broth, pain medicine and cuddles.”

Okay. She was wrong. He does have that low, sexy, bedroom-voice. Damn him, even sick he’s a sight for sore eyes and a heavenly voice to hear. She should also not be aroused by that.

“I don’t know, Tom. Maybe I should get the children and flee from this horrible illness of yours. Everyone fights for themselves, right?”

The answer is a whine and then a little tug on her sleeping shirt, right by her thigh. “Stop mocking me. I’m seriously ill. Don’t let those be the last words to me, and make me feel better.”

“Please?”

“Please.”

Charlie lives for that small smile around Tom’s lips as she moves a little closer and then rubs his shoulders softly , before she pushes some of his hair out of his face.

“Well, you asked so nicely.”

“I did,” her murmurs, sounding half asleep again.

“Tea and toast then?”

“An’ pills. ‘n cuddles.”

With a kiss on his nose, she moves out of the bed. “Coming right up.”

“Hm. Love you.”

She smiles. God, this man. “Love you too.”

Tagging: (I hope you’re okay with being tagged in this, since it’s not the usual blog, but “just” Charlie) @nuggsmum @hallotom @sinfully-lustful-darling @royallylazy @lasimo74allmyworld @ilovetardis @witkoa61 @hakimo2015 @antyc67 @wolfsmom1 @brinschk @crushed-pink-petals-writes @avenger-nerd-mom @jhangelface0523 @deathbyukmen @say-my-name-assbut @omninocte @sf0206 @frenchfrostpudding @hiddlepiggle @theblackthrone @honeybournehippy @muchobsessedwithpretty06 @justthelosersblog @letsgetlokid @noclevernamelbr @theduchessinme @craftynidan @bemynightmanager @inkededucatednnerdy @fairlightswiftly @okiejess1208 @ladyninasayers-ish @siochan-leat @evieplease @vertdragain @youareadistraction @patheimathos @nikkalia @thebluedreamofsky @mandapanda8 @lokilockedcougar @ms-cellanies @perfect-and-awesome @alexakeyloveloki @theheartofpenelope @hiddlescastle @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @pipolaki 

[noona-clock]

Now or Never - Part 4

Genre: College!AU

Pairing: Jae x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: Angst, cursing

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 | Words: 3,328

“Is everything okay, sweetie?” Jae’s mom asked when you shuffled into the kitchen the next morning. “Jae ran out of here and didn’t even tell us why he was going to pick you up.”

Truth be told, you really wanted your own mom right now, but Jae’s mom was a very agreeable alternative. The way she was looking at you, her eyes filled with concern and her forehead wrinkled, almost made you want to cry. But that also could’ve been because you were emotionally and physically exhausted.

“I just... had a fight with my boyfriend,” you admitted with a shrug as you approached her by the stove. She was already busy cooking breakfast, but she paused to turn around and greet you with a hug.

“Aww, honey,” she murmured, squeezing you and rubbing your back. “It happens. Was it that bad?”

You simply sighed before pulling away and lifting your shoulders into a shrug. You still didn’t really want to talk about it, especially with Jae’s mom. It would just be a little embarrassing to admit to your best friend’s mother that your boyfriend had left you at a party.

“Well, you are welcome to stay here until school starts again,” she told you as she cupped your chin in her hand and shot you a very motherly smile.

“Thank you,” you grinned. “I appreciate it so much. I’m actually really glad I get to see you guys.”

“Yeah, Jae was telling us about your messages,” she replied, turning back to the stove.

“Can I help?” you asked. You stood on your toes to peer over her shoulder, though you could smell the bacon all the way from upstairs.

“Oh! N--no, that’s fine,” Jae’s mom chuckled awkwardly.

She had learned her lesson quickly after letting you help the first time you’d come to visit and overcooked the eggs into a rubbery mass. And then burnt the toast. 

I mean, seriously. How do you burn toast? Everyone knows not to set the toaster on the highest setting for toast.

But, then again, why did you go to Taco Bell so much? Because you were incapable of whipping yourself up a late-night snack, that’s why.

But anyway.

“You just go sit, sweetie, it’ll be ready soon,” Jae’s mom said, shooing you over to the kitchen table.

Just as you sat down in one of the chairs, curling a leg up underneath you, Jae appeared in the doorway with two things: your phone in his hand and a very impressively rumpled head of hair.

“Wow, someone must have a photoshoot later or something,” you quipped, trying incredibly hard to hold back a sputtering laugh.

“Shut up,” Jae tsked before handing you your phone. “It’s been going off like crazy.”

You smirked at him, and after he headed over to the fridge (reaching up a hand to attempt to smooth down his hair), you shifted your gaze to your phone screen.

...Surprise, surprise.

Messages and calls from Kevin.

You had taken Jae’s advice last night and let him know you were okay, but you hadn’t said anything about where you’d gone. Truthfully, you didn’t feel like he deserved to know. If he had been willing to just leave you at some random person’s house, then obviously, he didn’t care that much about where you were.

...Okay.

Well.

That didn’t seem exactly fair.

Kevin had been angry. You’d done a lot of stupid shit out of anger, too. You’d never left Kevin anywhere, but you also hadn’t found messages on his phone complaining about you.

And besides. He was still your boyfriend. You should at least read what he had to say.

Jae couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a more perfect day.

His dad and grandparents had joined everyone else in the kitchen not too much longer after he’d arrived and handed you your phone, and all six of you had eaten breakfast together. You and Jae had occupied the barstools at the kitchen counter while the four older adults sat at the table.

You had spent the whole meal catching his parents and grandparents up with your life, and Jae had found himself secretly smiling so many times. It was almost too much for his heart the way you got along so well with his family. And the way they loved you as if you were actually a family member.

Even though he had given up the idea long ago, he still held onto a tiny bit of hope that one day you really would be their family member.

After breakfast, the older adults had proclaimed they were going out and about for the day; Jae’s mom and grandma were going shopping for after-Christmas sales while his dad and grandpa were going to hit up the golf course.

Jae had looked over at you at the exact same time you’d looked over at him.

“Pajamas all day?” you asked.

“Video games all day?” Jae added.

And then you’d both nodded in unison.

For the next Jae didn’t even know how many hours, the two of you had lazed on the couch in your pajamas playing video games, watching movies, eating snack after snack after snack... and you know what the best part was?

You didn’t bring up Kevin once.

You didn’t say his name, you didn’t even mention the fact you had a boyfriend, and you gave not one single hint that you were worried or upset about anything.

Like I said. Jae couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a more perfect day.

When Jae’s mom and grandma got home from shopping later that afternoon, the two of you were both crying laughing about something in your video game. It was one of those situations where you had made some mildly amusing comment but then Jae had added something to make it a little funnier and then you had built on that to make it even funnier, and now here you both were five minutes later with tears streaming down your cheeks.

“What’s so funny, you two?” Jae’s grandma asked, poking her head into the living room.

“Nothing, Grandma,” Jae laughed. “Just -- you had to be here.”

“How was your shopping?” you inquired as you wiped your eyes with the cuff of Jae’s t-shirt.

“We found so many good things!” Jae’s mom called out from the kitchen where she was obviously rustling through the shopping bags. “You should have come with us, Y/N!”

“But then she would’ve missed out on playing video games with me!” Jae retorted with a slight smirk.

“Okay, well, I bet she does that all the time at school,” Jae’s grandma tutted.

“Oh, no,” you assured her, though the false sincerity in your voice wasn’t quite hidden. “We don’t play video games at school, we’re too busy studying.”

Jae pressed his lips together to keep from laughing, and then his mom replied with, “...Uh-huh. I definitely believe that.”

You nudged Jae’s knee with your own, and the two of you giggled under your breath.

“What do you guys want for dinner?” Jae’s mom asked then. “Dad and Grandpa will be home in about an hour. I can hop over to the grocery store if there’s something you’re in the mood for.”

Before Jae had the chance to tell his mom he was super craving some fried chicken, you answered her with, “Oh, I won’t be here for dinner.”

Jae furrowed his brow immediately, pausing the game and frowning over at you. “You’re not?”

“Why not?” Jae’s Grandma asked.

“I, uh -- my boyfriend’s picking me up and taking me back to his place so I can get my stuff.”

...What did you just say?

“Why can’t he bring your stuff here?” Jae asked, feeling his heart start to pound inside his chest. Surely you were coming right back here after getting your stuff... right?

“Well,” you sighed. “We’re heading back to school tomorrow and --”

“You’re going back to school with him?” Jae interrupted in clipped tones.

“We have a lot to talk about,” you explained, though you weren’t quite meeting Jae’s eyes as you spoke. “He’s been messaging me all day, and we really need to talk in person.”

Jae couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Not only were you leaving Jae’s house after he rescued you from that party last night, but you were leaving with Kevin. And going back to school with him?!

“I should actually get ready,” you murmured, setting down your game controller and pushing yourself off the couch. “He’ll be here soon-ish, I think.”

Obviously, Jae immediately followed you, and once the two of you were out of his mom and grandma’s earshot, he hissed, “You’re kidding me, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought you weren’t talking to him.” Though what he’d really wanted to say was, ‘I thought you were going to break up with him.’

“I wasn’t,” you assured him. “I’m still upset. I just think we need to talk about it in person.”

You turned the corner in the downstairs hallway, holding onto the stair banister as you headed up to Jae’s room.

“You can’t wait until we get back to school? Why do you have to talk to him now? Why do you have to go back to his house?”

Jae was quite convinced these were all very valid questions.

“Because... that’s just what I think I need to do,” you answered with a shrug, a slight hint of annoyance in your voice.

“But why --”

You stopped suddenly, and Jae almost ran into you right there on the stairs.

“Jae, you know I love you,” you snapped.

Oh, boy, this did not sound good.

“And I am so thankful you came and picked me up. I will owe you for the rest of my life for this, but it’s not your relationship. You don’t know Kevin like I do, and I know he left me there at that party, but I also know that he does love me. And I love him. We’ve been together for a year, and in a relationship, you have to talk about things. You have to work through things together.”

You were the absolute last person from whom he wanted to hear relationship advice. Like, the very last person. He’d rather get a love lecture from... I mean, literally anyone else.

“I know you’re my best friend, but it isn’t really your place to butt into my relationship like this.”

There were so many things he could say right now. So many things he wanted to say.

I just want what’s best for you.

I care about you, and I’m just trying to look out for you.

I don’t want you to get hurt.

You deserve so much better than him, why can’t you see that?

If you don’t break up with him, I don’t know how much more I can take.

PLEASE BREAK UP WITH HIM!

But he was scared that if he said any of those things, you would only get upset with him. You would tell him it was none of his business and storm out and not talk to him for a month.

That had never happened before in all three and a half years of your friendship, but it was a possibility!

And also... you were actually right. He was your friend, and unless you asked him to, he really had no right to butt into your relationship with Kevin. It was your life. You were more than capable of making your own choices, even if the choices you made were frequently the wrong ones. You had the right to make your own mistakes -- and, hopefully, learn from them.

So, instead of saying any of the things he wanted to say, he simply backed down a step and murmured, “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”

He backed off and let you get ready. He backed off and watched you hug his parents and grandparents goodbye. He backed off and stood there as Kevin’s car pulled into his driveway.

He backed off and let you leave with him.

And it nearly broke his heart into a million pieces to do it because he knew, deep down, this was the last straw.

Kevin had treated you like shit for a year. He had manipulated you into spending Christmas away from your family, and he had literally left you at a party where you’d known absolutely no one.

And you had still gone back to him.

You were pretty nervous as you got in Kevin’s car, you weren’t going to lie.

His messages had seemed apologetic, but you knew him well enough to be a little wary of seeing him in person.

But, as soon as you sat down in the passenger’s seat, Kevin leaned over and placed a soft, tender kiss on your cheek. He reached out and tucked your hair behind your ear. He said, “Hey, beautiful. I missed you.”

And all of your anxiety melted away. He had a way of doing that. If you were ever nervous that he was going to break up with you or that he would start the fight to end all fights, he had a talent of soothing those nerves with just one kiss or one smile or one “Hey, beautiful. I missed you.”

A tiny smile quirked at your lips, and you looked over to see him already smiling back at you. And he took this opportunity to lean over once again and kiss you for real this time.

“Are you okay?” he murmured in-between kisses.

You hummed positively, nodding a little as you cradled his lips with yours, accepting and returning his kiss.

“Good,” he whispered. “Let’s go home.”

You nodded again, and that was that. He drove back to his house, and the two of you spent the rest of the evening acting like nothing had ever happened.

Don’t get it twisted, though -- you were still going to bring it up because you needed to talk about this. You weren’t going to let your boyfriend get away with deserting you at a party. But the two of you still had to drive all the way back to school together, so why not just enjoy this last night and save the tension for tomorrow?

And, boy, were you glad you did.

The two of you had enjoyed your last night of Winter Break (though there had been some awkward moments with his parents), and then not even ten minutes into your drive back to school, Kevin had said something so utterly ridiculous:

“I was upset at first, but I understand why you would call Jae and stay with him. I don’t like it, but I understand. And I forgive you.”

Your forehead wrinkled in confusion immediately.

“You... forgive me? What are you talking about?” you asked with a soft chuckle. Because surely he was joking.

“I mean, it was a huge slap in the face,” Kevin continued. “You’d been texting him all week when you should have been spending time with me and my family, and then when I tell you it upset me, you go running to him? You spend the night with him? Come on. But I know how long you’ve known him, and you don’t really have any other friends, so I forgive you.”

Hearing his little speech, you honestly felt like the white blinking man meme.

Like... what?

“I’m sorry,” you scoffed. “You forgive me? Kevin, that is bullshit, and you know it.”

“What?” he chuckled.

“I need to be the one forgiving you!”

“Uhh --” 

But you cut him off before he could say anything else infuriating. “You left me at your friend’s house, Kevin! I knew nobody there, you were my ride, and you just left me!”

“I was going to come back! I did come back, but you were already gone! Didn’t take you long to go running to Jae, huh?”

“Oh, you really expected me to wait for you?”

“I’m your boyfriend!” Kevin cried. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I thought I did, but why would someone I should trust leave me at a party?!”

“Oh, my god, will you just let that go?” he sighed, sounding completely over and done with everything.

What?!

“What?!” you shrieked. “Let that go?! No! I will not let that go! I didn’t know anyone there! Who knows what could have happened to me!”

“Those were my friends! And I came back for you!”

“How was I supposed to know you were going to come back?!”

“Because you’re supposed to trust me!” yelled Kevin.

“That is not a trust situation, that was a mind-reading situation. And I cannot read your mind, Kevin,” you retorted.

You could see Kevin grip the steering wheel, and he took a deep breath before he spat out, “I’m just sick of you running to him at the drop of a hat.”

“What are you talking about?” you asked with a laugh.

“Whenever you have a problem, you always go to him.”

“Well, he’s my --”

“Best friend, I know,” Kevin interrupted testily. “But put yourself in my shoes. Imagine that I had a female best friend. Imagine that I texted her constantly. Imagine that, whenever we got into an argument, I talked to her about it. Imagine that you looked at my phone and saw message after message to her just complaining about how you’re a shitty girlfriend.”

...Well. When he put it that way. But you weren’t ready to admit it to him just yet.

“But if you told me you were just friends, I would believe you! I wouldn’t try to get you to stop talking to her!”

“You say that because the situation isn’t reversed,” Kevin pointed out. “If it were really happening, you might feel differently.”

“I doubt it,” you muttered.

“All I’m saying is, I’m sick of him. I’m sick of competing with him when I am your boyfriend. I should come first.”

“But, see, I don’t think --”

“If you want to stay with me, you’re going to have to choose.”

“What?!”

“You have to choose between me and him.”

“Kevin, you’re being ridiculous! I can’t understand -- I mean, is the reason you don’t like him just because he’s my friend?”

“Does it matter why I don’t like him?”

“It matters to me!” you cried.

“I don’t like him because he’s a bad influence on you!” Kevin answered. “He puts thoughts into your head, he makes you think I’m the bad guy in this relationship when that is clearly not true.”

“Oh, so then I’m the bad guy,” you retorted. “Because if it’s not you then it has to be me.”

“Y/N,” Kevin sighed. “You’re getting off-topic. If you want to be with me, you’re going to have to stop talking to Jae.”

“Stop the car,” you told him.

“I’m sorry?”

“Stop the fucking car,” you repeated. You couldn’t be in here with him for one second longer. You weren’t even halfway back to school, but you didn’t care. You would call an Uber and get back yourself.

Kevin pulled to the side of the road, slowly rolling to a stop. When you opened the door, he called out, “Oh, come on! Don’t be so dramatic! Get back in here -- what are you going to do, walk?”

“If you were so concerned about it, why did you stop?” you pointed out as you reached for your suitcase in the back seat. “If you’re just going to keep telling me what to do for the rest of the way, I don’t want to ride with you.”

Kevin groaned, and you saw him actually roll his eyes. “Fine,” he ground out. “But don’t call me crying, asking me to come back and pick you up.”

“Oh, I won’t, trust me,” you sneered before slamming the door shut.

Kevin sped off, and you had never felt more like screaming and crying in your entire life.

Part 5

[madeofuterspace]

Guilty Baker

Summary: Every time Derek snaps at the pack, mysterious treats end up on their doorsteps. It’s up to Stiles to get to the bottom of this delicious dilemma. 

Kinda fluffy, sterek but blink and you miss it

Word count: 2000 ish

Trigger Warnings: food, canon death mentioned

gif is not mine xoxo

It started with an apology muffin basket and Stiles didn’t think anything of it. Derek is known to be an asshole so if once and awhile Stiles gets muffins from it then so be it. But then it was more than muffins. Derek would pull his usual aggressive stunts and a couple days later treats would appear on his victims doorsteps.

Stiles’s dad found the first one. John was on his way to work and nearly tripped over the basket. He picked it up gently, cautious to not let a single muffin drop. John noted a little torn piece of lined paper attracted to the basket that read ‘Sorry, D.H’. The handwriting was stubby and obviously written by a certain green-eyed werewolf. John took a muffin that looked like it was blueberry and left the rest on the kitchen table before swiftly heading to work.

When Stiles saw the muffin basket, he didn’t trust it. Multiple scenarios ran through his head. Maybe the muffins were poisoned, like a modern day Snow White? Or they were prank muffins filled with laxatives? But the note had said they were from Derek. While Derek was vocal about his contempt for Stiles, he never strayed from 90s reminiscent light bullying so homicide was off the table. Additionally, Derek's sense of humor seemed to be rooted in slapstick rather than pranks. Stiles couldn’t imagine the older man engaging in pranks.

So he picked up a muffin, it looked normal and blueberry filled. Stiles twisted his wrist to have a 180 view of the treat. After contemplating for a minute, Stiles figured there would be worse ways to die. So, he took a bite. Then another, then another. Within seconds, Stiles had gobbled down the muffin. He sat back content, Stiles realized that he hadn’t had a baked good in a long time. He wasn’t allowed sugar as a child for obvious reasons, and between people dying every month and trying to keep Liam and Malia from killing each other and the others from killing Mason. Stiles has been a busy boy. So what if he ate the entire basket and made really embarrassing noises? That was Stiles’s business.  

Stiles nearly forgot about it until Mason got a plate of brownies. They were at a pack meeting and decided to invite the kiddie table to join. Hayden, Liam, and Mason all accepted. Mason came because all things supernatural excited him, Hayden came because she wanted to know more about the thing they were looking for, and Liam came because Hayden was there. Mason was spouting off facts left to right and asking the questions Stiles was smart enough not to.

“Can you guys hear dog whistles?”

“If we shaved you while you’re all wolfed out, will it grow back or will you just stay hairless?”

“You guys don’t die by eating chocolate, right?”

“I know you guys can’t get drunk but can you get high? Wait, can you get a sugar rush?”

The list went on and on and even Stiles was beginning to get a headache. After the twelfth question, Derek growled and grabbed Mason by his collar. In an instant, everyone was up and tensely staring at the pair. Poor Mason looked ready to piss himself and Liam looked murderous.

“If you ask one more question, I will rip your vocal chords out. One. By. One.”,

Derek stopped manhandling Mason and returned to his seat like nothing happened.

    It took a slight longer for everyone else to adjust. Mason timidly apologized and sat back in his seat. Stiles gaped at Derek because sure, Mason could be an annoying little shit but he ultimately meant no harm. Liam shifted and said something to Mason but Mason just shook his head and turned his attention back to Scott. For the entire time, there was no peep from him and when it was finally over the kid practically ran out the loft.

The next day, Mason approached Scott and asked whether or not he has ever gotten baked goods left on his doorstep and was sincerely wondering if he should eat them or not.

Stiles perked up, “Was there a note?”

Mason frowned and took the container out of his backpack, on the bottom of it there was a crumpled up sticky note. He plucks it off like he was expecting it to be written in blood. There was the signature stubby writing, “Sorry - D.H”.

“Dude, it’s from Derek.”

Mason looked relieved and offered a brownie to Scott and Stiles. Again, like the muffins, they were amazing. Which got Stiles thinking, how has Derek hidden his baking skills from the pack? The loft just smelled like musk and woods, his kitchen is always spotless, and Derek looks like he lives off of protein power and the souls of kittens. Not exactly, the type of person you see reading a Martha Stewart cookbook or guilt baking. But, Stiles remembered that Derek enjoyed being a little ball of mystery and death so he let it slide.

Few months later, Lydia got a strawberry cheesecake after Derek had an argument with her and brought up the fact that she resurrected Peter. Malia got two plates of peach cobbler for no reason, which drove both of them crazy trying to figure out why. And Stiles decided to finally confront Derek when Melissa got three cakes, half a dozen cookies, and caramel brownies. Stiles knocked on Derek’s door and waited. Then there was a lot of swearing and banging. The door opened to see a disheveled Derek. His hair was messy and his clothes were rumpled. Derek sighed and ushered Stiles in.

“Do you know what time it is?”

No, Stiles didn’t actually. He was so pumped on Red Bull and procrastinating an economics paper for his college class so he began thinking about Derek and his baking and though it was a good idea to come here to ask hi-

“I’m taking the dead silence for ‘No, Derek. I don’t know what time it is and even though I am constantly surrounded by things that have the time i.e my cell phone, my watch, and/or my car radio’.”

“Why do you bake?” Stiles blurted out.

Derek merely rolled his eyes, “Can’t I do other things than watching a bunch of

teenagers?”

“Well yeah, but you only share them when you do something wrong.”

“Stiles, it’s 3 am. I’m not talking about this right now.” And with that Derek got up and walked up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Stiles yelled up the stairs.

“To bed idiot, because if you weren’t paying attention to what I'd said. It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and I��ll deal with your bullshit tomorrow.” Derek’s voice called from upstairs.

A few minutes later, a pillow and quilt were thrown down the stairs.

“You’re not driving home at 3 am Stiles. Right now I wouldn’t trust you to tie your shoes.”

Stiles grumbled and stomped over to the staircase. He picked up the blanket and pillow and tossed it on the sofa. He dusted off the pillow before laying down. He wasn’t tired but the pillow and quilt smelled like Derek and somehow, in some way, it was pleasant.

Stiles isn’t exactly sure what woke him up first, but it was either the smell or sunlight. Derek never invested in curtains so the sunlight streamed through and hit every part of the loft. It brightened the dark demeanor, and made Derek Hale look angelic which was far from the truth.

He sat up and untangled himself from the quilt. His shoulder and back were a little sore but nothing he could not handle. The smell of french toast wafted from the kitchen and the soft sound of clinking and clanking pots was nice. Everything about this moment was so nice. He sat, transfixed at the open doorway which showed a sliver of Derek peering into a pan and adding some kind of seasoning before turning away.

Stiles finally stood up and stumbled to the kitchen, leaning against the archway.

Derek turned back to face him. His hair was mussed and he was smirking. Derek leaned back onto a counter and raised his eyebrows.

“I’m surprised you finally got up, you hungry?” Derek began to unceremoniously shovel two pieces of french toast onto a plate and then proceeded to do it again with another plate.

“Always man. Where do you keep the forks?” Stiles reached out and took his plate.

“Top counter, closest to the window.”

He followed the directions and was awarded with two forks. He passed Derek a fork and jumped up to sit on the counter.

“Right, so anonymously leaving baked goods for the pack. What’s up with that?”

Derek twirled his fork thoughtfully, “I felt bad for what I did, so I made it up to them. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“So what did Malia or Melissa do?”

“Malia’s a Hale, regardless of her last name being Tate. She’s family, my family.”

“And…?”

Derek took a bite of his french toast and swallowed. He was quiet for a bit before he sighed loudly.

“My dad was a stay-at-home dad. Which was kind of weird back then but worked for my family. And he taught us how to cook. My mom and my sisters never got the hang of it. But it became a thing for me and my dad. Whenever one of us was sad for one reason or another, he would make our favorite thing. Mine was peach cobbler.”

“So when you gave Malia some peach cobbler…”

“My family would have welcomed her with open arms if my mother had felt she was safe there. But obviously, they never got the chance. I’m not much, but I wanted her to know that she’s got me. And them, in spirit.” Derek set his plate down to pour Stiles and himself cups of orange juice.

Stiles nodded, and took another bite of his french toast. “I get it,” he said with a full mouth, “when my mom died, my dad tried to keep on our family traditions. It’s important to keep around good memories.” Stiles gingerly accepted the glass and set it next to his hip. “But”, Stiles said, swallowing his food, “you could continue the traditions with all of us. We’re a pack, we should have a couple traditions of our own.”

Derek hummed thoughtfully, “Maybe pack dinners? It was a miracle that most of you stayed so close by after graduating, we could all eat maybe once or twice a month.”

Stiles smiled setting down his empty plate, “I can’t cook to save my life, but I can chop produce like a pro. And I think Scott finally learned how to make the infamous McCall tamales.”

Derek gestured towards Stiles’ plate, “I cooked, you clean.”

Stiles rolled his eyes and grabbed Derek’s dirty dishes, “I’ll only agree to it because the french toast was incredible. Maybe, it would be nice to share our cultures and traditions and stuff.”

Derek began putting away all of the seasonings and spices he used. For once the loft didn’t smell like must, it smelt of Derek’s cinnamon and cardamom. Derek’s kitchen wasn’t as spotless as Stiles remembered. It was effortlessly clean and sleek with modern appliances, but the leafy herb garden sitting by the window and the mixed matched fabric pot holders destroyed any ideas of sterility.

“Have you ever had Boyd’s sweet potato pone? It’s better than anything I’ve ever learned how to make.” Derek’s voice broke through Stiles’ observations.

Stiles snapped the rubber gloves against his wrists thoughtfully, “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone’s sweet potato pone.” To be truthful, Stiles never even heard of it before.

Derek closed the door to his spice cabinet, “It would be a mixed up dinner. Tamales and sweet potato pone.” Derek walked over to his little herb garden, inspecting the leaves carefully before silently declaring them sufficient.

Stiles laughed, “Don’t forget that peach cobbler of yours.” He flicked some bubbles at Derek to get his attention. “But it’s a damn good thing that we’re a mixed up pack.”

a/n: this is my first fan fiction since like 2015, please let me know what you think + if you liked it. feel free to leave any requests or prompt ideas for teen wolf, Harry Potter, or marvel characters xxx