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butididntpourthewhiskeys · 4 years

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L O V E B O U N D

“Christmasbound IV”

Taylor opens her eyes, just once, then closes them immediately. The entire room is spinning again. Her eyes are glued together, her vision blurry. She should’ve taken an Advil before bed. She should’ve prevented this. With a loud groan, she turns around in bed, the blanket only covering one half of her body. She swallows once, can obviously feel how dry her throat is. Taylor wants to move, wants to get up and tell herself that this is a new day, a new beginning, a new chance. All of these positive affirmations that she’s been growing up with. But today, she can’t. Maybe it was the late night whiskey while being all alone that was a bad idea. Maybe it was taking step closer to Joe and his family, which truly has been a bad idea after all.

Taylor takes another deep breath, holds her hand. She’s tired. Emotionally even more than physically. She slowly sits up. A stinging pain in her head keeping her from moving further. She looks to the side, could’ve sworn that she ensured to have a water bottle next to her bed. But the only thing she finds on the nightstand next to her is the whiskey glass. Almost empty. Disgusted at herself, Taylor moves her legs to dangle down the left side of the bed. She just sits upright, feels how dizzy she still is. When she was twenty- three and the world was against her, Taylor would always feel a sense of direction deep within her. As bad as it was, and as destructive as her dealing mechanisms may have been - she always knew this was just a phase. Just a bad month, a bad occurrence. A bad relationship. But now, at age 32, she doesn’t feel a sense of direction anymore. Even more so, she feels like she’s been on the right path. For a long time. Until she decided to leave it. Decided to go so incredibly wrong. All of that, while being a mother. Taylor swallows, stands up on the soft carpet on her bedroom floor. Barefoot and with nothing but her oversized sleeping shirt, Taylor makes her way down the stairs. Her eyes immediately fall onto the big window fronts. With swollen eyes and dried mascara on her cheek, she can’t help but smile tiredly. The world is white. Taylor can already see Eleanor before her eyes, having woken up hours ago and excitedly jumping around the Christmas tree. She’s happy it has snowed. She’s happy Eleanor is with Joe and his family. Where there’s more happiness. Where she can make these happy childhood Christmas memories that Taylor always wanted for her little girl. Even before she was born.

Taylor reaches for the blue coffee mug on the top shelf in the kitchen. She quickly turns on the coffee machine and waits silently for the warm brew to enter her cup. Maybe, just maybe, Eleanor is happier staying with Joe and Naomi, and Elizabeth and Richard. Not with her, right now, on this day. She doesn’t know how to be a mother when deep inside, she’s the lost teenage girl again. She’s never gone through this scenario when becoming a mother. She’s never been prepared that something might hit her that would absolutely numb her from being Eleanor’s mommy. From putting on a fake smile, just to be there for Eleanor. Taylor swallows the hot beverage, knows even without looking into the mirror how horrible she looks. Her shoulder long hair curly and in all directions, mascara under her eyes, bangs all messed up. She slowly grabs her phone, tabs two times to open the chat with Joe. She stares at their last exchanged messages for a few seconds. And she swallows again.

I can’t wait to have you two here, see you soon.

How ironic, that she actually felt like he had other reasons to invite her over. Other reasons than to finally move on from her.

Hey, Merry Christmas. I woke up not feeling great and don’t want to risk anything, so I think I’ll be staying home today. I’ll call later to speak to E. Merry Christmas to your family, give E a kiss from me.

Taylor drops her phone on the marble counter, doesn’t even care if the fall was a bit too harsh. She then grabs her coffee mug and wanders up the stairs again. This time though, she doesn’t go back to her messed up bed and the empty whiskey glass that is waiting for her like a cloud of guilt, in the middle of her house. Instead, she walks straight to the piano room. With bare legs, she slowly sits down on the little chair right in front of the massive piano. For a second, she just sits there, then lifts the piano lid slowly. She doesn’t even move, just takes a last sip of her coffee before placing the mug right on top of the piano. Her fingers slowly brush each key, low undefined sounds coming from the instrument. She’s never been good at life. But this was all she’s had. All she could really get right. All she will ever understand.

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

Taylor begins to follow this voice inside of her. Without thinking too much, she lets her hands do the work. Wanders from key to key, until there’s a melody that speaks for her.

____________________

“Mommy, I also got the new tonniebox that I wanted. And daddy and me also read me the note that Santa left for me. Santa wrote a note, just for me!” the little girl babbles into her mother’s ears. Taylor, who’s still just in her PJs, sits on the sofa now. Coffee number three in her hands, her hair still as messed up as before. She laughs quietly on the phone, can see her daughter’s excited little face in front of her eyes. “Of course he did. You’re such a good person, and you know that Santa always has an eye on that. And he’s so proud of you, same as me.” Taylor says, consciously didn’t tell her that she’s been a ‘good girl’, this year. She’s learned the difference between society telling you you’re a ‘good girl’ and actually being a good person. There’s worlds between these two things. Taylor can hear the background noises, Elizabeth probably rushing to prepare breakfast for everyone. Just when Eleanor was done telling Taylor about her presents, she can hear Joe in the background. Asking her if ‘mummy’s still on the phone’. Taylor swallows. It takes less than five seconds and she can hear Joe’s voice. He sounds careful, almost worried, a hint of curiosity in his voice. Her text this morning was probably too obvious. He knows her too well, probably can tell already that she’s been to overwhelmed by last night. Too overwhelmed meeting Naomi. Too overwhelmed seeing Joe with another woman. For the first time in a decade. For the first time ever.

He asks her if she’s feeling better, if she can make it to join them for lunch. How important it would be for Eleanor to have her mum there. Taylor feels sick, just hearing his voice again. Maybe it’s the coffee on her empty stomach, or it’s the warmth in his deep voice, that has captured her from the first time he opened his mouth, ages ago, through all the noise, on a warm LA summer night.

“I don’t know if it’s safe for me to come over, especially with covid and.. I do feel a scratch in my throat. So I think it’s better if…”

“We all got tested yesterday. It’s impossible that…”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I feel like crap,” she says, hoping he would finally stop. Taylor hears his silence on the end of the phone line. He knows. She knows that he knows.

“Of course, I’m sorry for pressuring you. It’s just… it’s Christmas Day and…”

“No, no. You’re not pressuring me.” She then says, still feels sad whenever he does. She needs to stop doing this. Needs to stop subconsciously mirroring him. Caring so much and so deeply about his happiness that she adjusts whenever he’s feeling some type of way. Suddenly, Taylor can hear Eleanor in the background. She is asking about mommy. Asking when mommy is coming over. Taylor feels this pressure on her chest again. Is she abandoning her daughter right now? Because she can’t get over her own feelings?

“Eleanor wants to.. wants to speak to you again.” He says then and Taylor can hear him handing over the phone. It takes one whiny “mommy” and Taylor knows she needs to get up, get freshened up, get over herself. She’s not twenty- three anymore. She can’t just care solely for herself anymore. She can’t just stay right here.

____________________

With a bad tummy ache, Taylor stares out of the window, watching all the naked trees in the dim light.

You left me no choice but to stay here forever.

For whatever reason, these lyrics are stuck in her head and she knows that she needs to write them down tonight. Just when the car stops, Taylor feels a rush of nausea overcome her. She unbuckles her seatbelt and nods at her driver. She thanks him underneath her mask, swallows hard as she sees the family home just meters away from her, behind the glass of the car where she’s still sitting in the backseat. She feels unable to move, but does it anyways. After a few seconds, she’s left the car, wearing black jeans and boots and nothing but a plaid blouse underneath her coat. She slowly takes off the mask, remains there in front of the house. She’s doing this for Eleanor. She’s doing this because she’s got a responsibility. Because she’s an adult now. Taylor slowly takes a few steps up to the entry through the thin layer of snow on the ground, can already smell Elizabeth’s cherry pie through the open window that leads right to the hallway. Taylor knows she looks better than a few hours ago. Her hair and face clean. Mascara where it’s supposed to be. Blush on her lips and cheeks. Almost as if nothing had happened to her. Nothing at all. With a slight nauseous feeling, Taylor was about to ring the doorbell but stopped in the last second, as the big door opened by itself already. A bit surprised and startled, Taylor looks at Elizabeth. And the fifty- year old woman looks back at her. It’s this uncomfortable and insecure silence between them for a few seconds. But even before Taylor can say anything, Elizabeth’s face changes into a warm smile. A relief that has run through Taylor’s veins immediately.

“Oh hi there, I knew I heard a car pull up.”

Taylor nods, was just about to answer as Elizabeth already pulls her inside the house and inside her arms. This is still new to her. This is still overwhelming. Taylor closes her eyes and feels Elizabeth’s hands on her back, stroking her back up and down. She immediately feels tears building up, swallows them down in the last second, just when the brown haired woman pulls back and smiles at her.

“Are you feeling better?” She asks, a well- knowing look on her face, as she already takes Taylor’s coat from her. Taylor, who feels welcomed but trapped at the same time, just nods quietly. She doesn’t really want to talk about it.

“Yeah I felt a bit off this morning.” she mumbles. Elizabeth places a hand on her back as soon as she’s put the coat away and walks with Taylor into the kitchen. Like a wildcat in fight mode, Taylor hectically looks through the living room but nobody’s there. That’s not quite what she expected to find.

“Where..”

“Oh they’re all upstairs on the attic looking through Joe’s old theatre costumes.” Elizabeth laughs, begins to stir the sauce she’s preparing on the stove. Taylor just nods, doesn’t really know how to act or move. She just takes a deep breath standing there. An old Christmas CD from the 90s is playing. The lights on the Christmas tree are lid. The cooker hood making dump noises. Elizabeth looks up at Taylor again, can see her awkwardly standing there, leaning against the counter next to her.

“We’re very happy to have you here, you know.” She says then and Taylor feels how she blushes. She never thought Elizabeth would ever say something like this to her ever again. Not after she and Eleanor left her son. Not after the last Christmas.

“I’m happy to be here as well.” Taylor then answers and Elizabeth steals her another look, then giggles quietly.

“Are you really?”

Taylor feels like she’s freezing for a while. She doesn’t know what to do with this answer.

“Of course, I.. I’m so thankful we’re speaking again and..”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” She says and Taylor knows what she knows. It must be written all over her face. A face that says ‘he’s moved on, I haven’t’. Taylor doesn’t say anything, as Elizabeth turns down the temperature of the stove and turns around at her.

“We should go for a walk soon. Catch up a bit.”

Taylor immediately smiles and nods a few times. Even if she feels like hell is loose, this offer definitely made her smile a bit more. It took exactly seven seconds to pass, as multiple steps come down the stairs and Eleanor screams excitedly, let’s go off her grandfather’s hand to run towards her mom.

“Mommy!” She screams and Taylor laughs for the first time really today, lifts up the small girl and holds her on her hip smiling. “Monkey, hello.” Taylor smiles, Eleanor and her automatically leaning in for a kiss on the lips which is followed by Taylor stealing her cheek another kiss. Just as she wished Eleanor another merry Christmas, is when she notices Naomi’s warm smile facing them. Within a matter of seconds, Taylor feels irritated again, holds onto the little girl on her arm as if she’s holding onto her life.

“Oh darling, are you so happy your mummy’s joined too?” Elizabeth strokes over Eleanor’s curls after having watched the scene between Eleanor and Taylor with a smile. She knows that after all, Taylor’s an incredible mother. A quality that she knew she’s got from the very first day they met. Right in this house. A decade ago. “Yes.” Eleanor mumbles into Taylor’s neck and they all laugh quietly. Just in that second, Joe also joins the family kitchen and smiles warmly at Taylor. He’s glad she’s made it.

“Someone’s glad her mum’s here, huh?” he then laughs at his daughter. Taylor was about to answer him, but his hand that casually lands on Naomi’s shoulder keeps her from opening her mouth.“Ellie, are you so happy you can show mummy your presents now?” the petite woman says, looking at Eleanor who’s still on Taylor’s arm. Ellie. Just in that moment, Eleanor turns her head grumpily, and goes “My name is Eleanor”. Taylor tries her hardest not to smile, but her mini- me seems to have hit the nail in the head here. Joe immediately laughs, both hands on Naomi’s shoulders now. “Darling, why don’t you show your mum what Santa Claus left under the tree this morning for her?” He says with a grin, obviously wanted to change topics to make sure that the awkward mood in the room diminishes. In that second, Eleanor moves on Taylor’s arm quickly and signals her that she wants to get down.

Together with Eleanor, Taylor now walks into the living room, knees down in front of Eleanor’s presents.

“Look, this one’s from Santa for mummy.” She says with a bright smile and Taylor decides to sit down on the carpet while opening her present.

“Mhm what could that be?” She says, swallows hard as she finally takes a good look at what’s in her hands. A colored polaroid of Joe and Eleanor, smiling into the camera is placed in the middle of the green card. Surrounded by little Christmas stickers and drawn Christmas trees with glitter hearts on them, both Eleanor and Joe have their heads stuck together, smiling the purest smiles into the camera. She can see Joe’s arm holding the camera. Of course she’s had some help with this present. Right underneath the picture, Eleanor has placed a smiling heart sticker and wrote “from Eleanor and daddy” in her messy handwriting, just the way a first grader would do. Taylor looks at the card, tears forming in her eyes. She doesn’t want to get emotional now. Doesn’t want to get emotional here in this room. But the two humans, who are so innocently smiling in this picture, still mean the world to her.

“I love it so much.” She says then quietly, hopes that no one else has seen her get teary. Eleanor looks confused at her mum, but Taylor just laughs, wipes away the tears on her cheeks and immediately hugs her. “This is so beautiful that I got super emotional, honey.” She laughs, soothing Eleanor a bit. And the little girl nods, seems to accept Taylor’s answer.

“I made the card, but Santa wrapped it up and put it under the tree.”

Taylor laughs and nods before getting up. Especially, because to Eleanor - it actually makes a lot of sense.

“That’s so nice of him. I’m so happy Santa brought me this beautiful card.” She says, takes Eleanor’s hand before joining the others around the table.

____________________

It’s been an hour now since Taylor consciously made the decision to have a conversation with the left side of the big table - Patrick and his girlfriend Jess. It’s been so wonderful reconnecting with him, hearing about his plans for after his masters degree. Hearing Jess talk about how they met, their struggles to find an affordable flat in northwest London and how excited they are to drive up to Denmark together once this coronavirus situation is over. Taylor has made the conscious effort to ignore Naomi, Joe and Tom who are seated on the other half of the table. Taylor knows she can’t block the new woman on this table out, but she clearly is taking every chance she’s got to engage in other conversations. Just when Eleanor is tapping attentively on her shoulder is when Taylor looks up and finds Naomi, Joe and Eleanor all dressed up. Apparently ready to go for a walk. A bit confused, Taylor looks at Joe and then back at Eleanor.

“We’re going out for a walk with Flint, do you want to join us?”

Taylor immediately shakes her head, an answer that came a bit too fast.

“Oh thanks for asking but I think you should go without me.” she mumbles, the last thing she wants to do right now is go for a walk with Naomi and Joe. Eleanor however continues to pull her hand, seems to have made up her mind that her mum has to join them today. Just when Taylor was about to talk to Eleanor is when Joe already speaks up. His voice in the same gentle tone that he’s always put on when they had a serious conversation.

“Actually, it would be fantastic if we could just... talk a bit? Who knows when’s the next time that we can all get together?” he says, Naomi just standing next to him, smiling hopefully and nodding with big eyes. Taylor knows that she’s being unreasonable but she would wish that Naomi wasn’t a petite and small woman, who’s got huge eyes, seems a bit shy and radiates this incredible kindness that sickens her whenever she enters the room. She wants Naomi to be someone she can passionately hate. Someone who’s toxic and mean, who gives off bad energy. But instead, she seems to be a kind, ordinary, bi- racial woman. Someone who Taylor would want to be friends with. The last person who Taylor would have wanted as her replacement. The better choice. The easier choice.

“Yeah it would be fun to.. catch up!” Naomi then says to Taylor in her British accent, sounding a bit unsure whether she’s been taking it too far. Taylor swallows. She’s got no arguments left. If she still decides to not go with them, then she would be the bad cop. A decision she doesn’t want to have to take. Taylor slowly gets up, nods and puts on a fake smile as Eleanor already cheers on her. She seems to be way more excited than Taylor is.

“Alright, it’s fine.” Taylor mumbles, can feel Elizabeth’s stare in her neck. She knows that it’s not fine. Not at all.

A bit insecure, just like she was back then, Taylor slowly puts in her boots that were left in the hallway. Joe watches her and he knows this isn’t easy for her. But knowing Taylor, he also is aware that things will feel way easier once she gets to know Naomi. Once she sees that she’s so respected by someone who doesn’t even know her. Once she sees that he wants her in his life. Forever. No matter what the circumstances are.

Joe remains standing in the hallway, watches Eleanor and Naomi with Flint leave the doorway already. Joe remains standing there, looks down at Taylor who’s still fixing her boots. Once she gets up, she exchanges a look with him and he smiles. Taylor is rolling her eyes.

I can’t believe you make me do this.

Thank you for doing this.

With her hands in her coat, Taylor slowly starts walking next to Joe. She feels awkward to say the least. Going for a walk with Joe, their child and his new girlfriend. Naomi carefully slows down to walk right next to Joe, and seems to be more than interested to start a conversation with Taylor.

“It’s such a beautiful weather isn’t it? I can’t believe it started snowing last night.” Naomi says and Taylor nods, can see in the corner of her eye that Joe is holding hands with her. And Taylor feels sick. To say the least.

“Eleanor was so sad these past weeks cause it hadn’t snowed yet, so she’s ecstatic today.” Joe laughs and everyone reacts except for Taylor. She usually is excellent in smalltalk, and Joe knows that. But seeing her so quiet makes him think that it’s not even a statement she’s giving him - she probably really is at a loss for words.

“Are you feeling better?” Joe asks her and Taylor slowly looks up, looks straight at Eleanor who’s holding Flint in her hands while walking down the street.

“Yeah definitely.” She says, doesn’t even try to sound like she’s okay with it. Slowly but surely, she feels rage develop in her chest. She cannot believe he’s making her do this. She cannot believe after everything they’ve been though, he can just go for a walk with Eleanor and her and his new girlfriend.

“Are you usually based in London or in America, Taylor?” Naomi then asks and Taylor can feel immediately that she’s been desperate to start a conversation with her. Taylor feels her staring at her. But she can’t face her just yet.

“Well Eleanor’s pre- school is based in London so we’re mainly here. But before covid we would travel a lot between Nashville and London.” she answers, feels actually kind of proud that she’s grown up enough to not become mean or sarcastic towards Naomi. And she can feel Joe do the same. She doesn’t have to look at him to know that he’s proud how civil she can be.

“Wow must be nice to have homes all over the world.” Naomi says and Joe laughs quietly. She cannot believe he’s laughing at her. Cannot believe he would be with someone who’s from an entirely different world. But then again, wasn’t that what Joe was to her back then? A sweet escape from the crowded and abnormal world she’s been living in. Taylor dares to look to her left and she can see Naomi looking at her steps carefully. Maybe, Naomi is Joe’s escape from her. The most painful thought she’s had for a while.

“Well, I’m sure Joe already told you that living in two different countries at the same time isn’t as exciting as you may think.” Naomi laughs quickly, and anyone who would witness this conversation could tell immediately that Naomi is nervous. Taylor hates it. Taylor hates how nice she is.

“Well, I was raised in southwest London and my family never could afford to travel. So to me, all of that sounds lovely.” Taylor says nothing.

“Daddy, can you help me with Flint’s collar?” Eleanor suddenly yells, already is a good six hundred meters in front of them. Joe immediately nods, starts jogging towards his daughter. Taylor and Naomi are now left behind, slowly continue walking down the street. And without taking a closer look at Naomi, Taylor can feel how happy the other woman seems to be that she has some alone time with Taylor now.

“It sounds ridiculous, I’m sure, but you have no idea how scared I was to meet you.” Naomi then says and Taylor wishes she never would’ve started this topic. She doesn’t know anything about Naomi and she wants things to stay this way. “When I was younger I had all of your albums at my house and... I really admire you a lot.”

“Thanks.” Taylor answers, as emotionless as possible. And she can sense that Naomi feels the cold that she radiates right now. How can Joe expect her to bond with his new girlfriend on Christmas? How can he think that her love for him has ever diminished? It never could. And he used to know that. The silence between the tall blonde woman in the big black coat and the smaller woman in the red puff jacket gets louder. Taylor feels uncomfortable and she for sure knows that Naomi feels the same.

“I know you hate me.” Naomi then says and Taylor sighs. Her anger gets more with every single word she says.

“I don’t hate you.”

“No, I mean.. I get it. And I feel so sorry for...”

“What do you feel sorry for?” Taylor asks, a bit too aggressive for her usual self.

“I’m sorry that Joe is making us meet over Christmas. It wasn’t my idea. I hope you know that. But I think he just... he wants things to become easier. With us. With you and your daughter. I think he just wants to finally have some peace.”

Naomi’s last sentence rips Taylor’s insides apart. She knows that she’s right. That she just said what Taylor sang years ago. Joe just wants to have peace in his life. With a partner who can give him that. With her as an ex- girlfriend and with his child. That’s all he wants. Taylor and Naomi just keep walking down the street, nothing but the gravel under their soles can be heard.

“You know, I will never become someone for him like you were.” Naomi then says and Taylor starts to feel sick. She can’t believe that this woman won’t stop talking. It almost feels painful hearing her voice in her ears. “You... you were his first real love. Whenever we talk about these things...” she sighs, then looks back up at Tay. “He speaks a lot about you and I think there’s just so many things he’s still digesting. Please don’t ever think that..”

“Naomi...” Taylor then interrupts her because she feels like throwing up. She can’t believe that the little person next to her is opening up to her if it she was an old friend. And maybe, exactly that kindness is what drives her insane. Because deep down, Taylor knows that Joe deserves someone as caring as that. Someone who helps him heal the wounds that she created. “I don’t hate you, Naomi. But I also need you to respect that I need time. Can we not talk about Joe anymore?”

Naomi looks at Taylor with big eyes, immediately nods. She seems intimidated by the tall blonde woman and Taylor can feel how guilty she feels. Naomi shakes her head, then turns to Taylor. “God, Taylor, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just thought maybe it would be the right way to just.. be really honest with you, but you’re so right, it was super insensible, and...”

“It’s fine.” Taylor then says, enjoys the sudden silence between them more than she expected. Taylor slowly looks up, can see Joe walking hand in hand with Eleanor. His hand lands on Eleanor’s head, and even from far away, Taylor can hear that she’s singing her favorite Christmas song. Taylor can’t help but smile for a second. Maybe, just maybe, it was all meant to be this way. Taylor still remembers ten years ago, when she first moved to New York and discovered slowly that with the lifestyle she chose, having a family and a committed relationship would be impossible. Maybe, just maybe, she was right back then. Taylor sees Joe jogging backwards, making Eleanor laugh. He seems so happy today. Playing with Eleanor, knowing he’s found someone who can give him the kind of life he was always used to, before her. The kind of life he craves. Taylor suddenly feels a new feeling in her chest. It’s a feeling she read about multiple times but never had experienced herself before, in the truest form she could imagine. She just wants him to be happy. Even if it means that she’s not part of his life anymore. At least not in the way she used to be. And she wants him to ‘digest’ whatever she did to him. Wants someone to help him heal the scars that she gave him.

“Look at that house, baby, oh my god.” Taylor squeaks for the fifteenth time in the past hour, stops in the middle of the street again. Joe grins, takes a step back to see what she’s looking at. A tiny house in brick stone with a French balcony right on the canal. He looks down at the blonde woman and laughs. She quickly reaches for her crossbody bag, takes out her phone and takes a picture. He can’t help but laugh.

“We’ll go home on Sunday and you have two hundred pictures of dutch houses on your phone.” Taylor grins, but doesn’t let him stop her. She just continues to take pictures, then buries her phone in her bag again and reaches for his hand once more. In nothing but her jeans shorts, white sneakers and huge sweatshirt, Taylor walks next to Joe. It’s a lukewarm summer night. With both hands now clinging onto Joe’s, they just continue to walk down the small street somewhere here in Amsterdam.

“I’m just in awe that there’s people living here, in this.. dream city. It’s so cozy and gorgeous. I just… Joe, I could cry how romantic this is.” Joe, who’s still walking hand in hand next to her just looks down at her with a big smile. His blonde hair a bit too long. His beard grown for his upcoming movie role. He just smiles, gets closer to her and presses a gentle kiss onto her lips. She tastes like the rose chapstick she applied earlier.

“I’m glad you like it.” he then says, continues walking down this lane. Taylor’s eyes are everywhere right now. She’s smitten by the city, smitten by the fact that she’s experiencing this. A weekend in a beautiful European city with the love of her life. No big black cars. No security around her. She feels so free with him, so safe, so… alive.

“Thanks for taking me here and organizing everything.” She mumbles. The sun is slowly setting and she’s glad she put on her sweater. “You’re very welcome. We’re almost there.” Joe says, keeps looking at his phone to make sure they’re not missing the right lane. “I think we need to go that way.” He says, points to a tiny alley on the left. Taylor looks at him and then back at the tiny street and just laughs. “God, I fucking love Europe” she laughs, holds onto his hand a bit tighter as they make their way through the alley. Joe looks back at her and she’s amused, carefully watches her steps on the cobblestones to not trip or fall.

“Where are you taking me? Do I have to be scared?” She asks, and Joe laughs.

“I’m taking you out to dinner, I already told you that.” he says all smart and Taylor just shakes her head.

“I’m really hungry. Where are we...”, within a few seconds Taylor gets quieter because she’s speechless. Just as they left the tiny street, a massive canal with a beautiful bridge that fully lid up by small lights is right in front of them. And Taylor feels like she’s in a movie. “Beautiful here, huh?” he smiles and Taylor remains speechless.

“Do you see this restaurant?” he asks, points to three small tables that are located right on the bridge next to the canal. Taylor just looks up at him, can’t believe he picked this romantic little restaurant for the two.

“Are you kidding me? This is... oh my god.” With a proud smile, Joe starts walking closer to the small restaurant. Just as they stand in front, Joe starts speaking to the waiter who then accompanies Taylor and Joe to their outside table - a tiny round table on the small bridge right over the Amsterdam canal. Taylor, who truly seems to be at a loss for words just sits down together with Joe. And the blonde haired man has to laugh at her reaction. Her eyes as big as the eyes of a child and her jaw still dropped.

“Do you like it?” he asks laughing, knows the answer himself. Taylor still looks around, unable to process how beautiful her surrounding is. She’s used to big city lights and massive crowds. But what Joe is presenting her here is quiet and calm beauty. The sunset over the old Dutch roofs. The view over the canal right from this little bridge. People who pass the street on the other side with their bikes. It’s quiet and small and beautiful.

“Joe, this is... this is by far the most romantic restaurant I’ve ever been at. How did you... how did you find this?” she asks, her phone already in her hand, taking pictures of everything around her. And Joe can’t help but smile. This was exactly what he wanted. He wanted to make this special, wanted to show her some of the most beautiful places in the world he knows. He wants to take her to all of them. The special ones and the common ones.

Just when he was about to open the menu, Taylor tells him to smile at her and he does so. The picture she just took of him makes her smile. He seems so happy, his eyes radiating in this picture right in the centre of this beautiful scenery right here at this restaurant. Taylor looks at this picture for a minute too long.

This is it. This is her entire happiness.

With a happy smile, Taylor puts her phone back into her small YSL purse and opens the menu like he just did. “What are you going to eat?” Taylor asks him and Joe smiles slightly, then looks back up at her.

“Well I’m not sure yet but I already know what you’re gonna get.” Taylor laughs,

“Okay and what is that?”

“Number 21 - truffle pasta with side salad. Dressing on the side.” Taylor looks back up at him and laughs in surprise again. He just knows her too well.

“Why the fuck do you read me like a book?” she jokes, and Joe can’t help but stare at her for a bit longer. She really does look incredible in this light. Her bangs a bit messy, her hair in a bun. She looks cozy in her sweater. But most of all she looks... happy.

“I guess I just know you very well.” he says, and Taylor closes the menu and looks back up at him. It’s a loving look, an intimate one. She slowly reaches for his hand across the table and Joe also puts the menu aside.

“You do. You really do.” she just mumbles and he feels like drowning in her eyes. Just when Joe was about to open his mouth, the waiter had already made his way to them and Joe orders - both main menus and two glasses of the Chardonnay. Taylor’s favorite.

“Do you ever think about what our lives could be like, living here in one of these tiny houses.” Taylor then says, her eyes on her surroundings. She sounds so dreamy as so often. Her heart is the heart of a little romantic. Joe still holds her hand on the table, strokes the back of it slowly. His eyes are just on her. “Maybe you would be working at the Amsterdam theatre of arts. I would be a writer. We’d both may struggle financially but live in a tiny old flat. You would get me tulips every weekend. We would eat a lot of cheese.” Joe starts laughing then, still looking at Taylor.

“I don’t think that’s what actual Dutch people do on the daily, babe.” he laughs, as the waiter already approaches their table and serves them two glasses of wine. Not even for a split second, Taylor lets go off Joe’s hand. With her other hand she’s reaching for the wine glass.

“Cheers baby. To us. Two years.” she smiles and he does the same.

“Two years. Almost.” he says and she laughs slowly.

“Oh come on, do you really think I’m breaking up with you two weeks before our anniversary?” she laughs and he just shrugs his shoulders.

“You never know.” Taylor just shakes her head. He is silly at times.

“But for real now, what if we quit our lives and move to Amsterdam and become ordinary people?” she asks him and Joe has to laugh once more. She really seems to be obsessed with this idea .

“I don’t know, I like our lives.” he says, feels a sudden nervousness overcome him. It’s the first time since this weekend. The first time that it comes boiling up and scaring him a bit.

“I mean... our lives are not normal or easy. I would like normal and easy for a while.” Taylor says, looks around herself once more. She can’t wait to send pictures of this beautiful location to her family and friends. They won’t even believe how lucky she’s been.

“I think normal and easy is not for us. We’re not normal or easy and I love that.” he says, takes a sip off his wine glass. Taylor laughs and looks at him then.

“No I am not normal or easy. You are though.” she jokes but Joe doesn’t react to her. She knows that it’s one of her weaknesses. Laughing when she’s nervous. Turning things that scare or worry her into a joke. Joe, who still hasn’t replied yet, just keeps staring at her. She’s so uncomfortable all of the sudden. And she never is, especially not when she’s with Joe.

“You are normal and you are easy too. And I love you.” he says then and Taylor looks back at him. She can see so much in his eyes, in these moments. So much love and kindness, but there’s also something else. He’s holding something back. Deep down, she can feel that.

“I know you still think you’re a burden and your life’s all complicated and all that..” he then says and Taylor freezes. There’s not been many times where he’s blurted something like this out. Without thinking twice. Just like that. Taylor swallows. Why is it that he can read her mind like that. As If she was an open book to him. “But have you ever thought for a second that you’re the only one out there I ever want to be with? I.. I don’t care about anything like that. All the.. all the complications or the not easiness or the abnormal things about your life. It’s not like that for me. I can’t ever see myself loving someone else again.” He says, ends his little speech with a smile. And Taylor just sits there, at the restaurant, holding his hand. She looks at his face but his words feel too overwhelming for her to process them. She’s had relationships before. But she’s never heard words quite like these.

“Do you understand me?” he jokes at her speechlessness then, “I can’t be with anyone else ever again. You changed me.”

“I changed you?”

“You did.” Joe looks back in her eyes and he can see how deeply emotional she is. This is it, he thinks.

“You changed me, Joe. In so many ways.” He smiles, takes a deep breath, holds her little hand a bit tighter.

“I know we never spoke about this in all seriousness, but…” he stops again, looks at her hands, before looking back up at her again. He feels shaky all of the sudden. His hands become a bit more sweaty than usually. “But.. how would you feel about.. things getting more serious in the future.”

“What do you mean?”

“How would you feel if I asked you to marry me?” Taylor sits there, a soothing evening breeze passing her face. She just smiles at him, doesn’t say anything. Then, without her controlling it, Taylor starts laughing. Loudly. Joe swallows. This was not quite the reaction he was hoping for.

“Baby, are you proposing to me? Or what is this?” Joe takes a breath, then laughs with her. He’s a bit insecure, but he’s shaking it off quite well. Acting school seems to have paid off.

“I’m not, I just wanted to speak to you about it. I mean… do you ever want to get married and have kids, or what are your plans in like… years down the road.”

“Of course I want to marry you. And I want us to have tall blonde weird ass kids.” she smiles across the table, “but.. we’re not there yet. I mean, we’re not even thirty yet. I just.. I definitely need a bit longer.” She laughs and Joe nods. He also takes a sip of his wine glass now. He definitely needs that.

“Do you feel differently?” She asks him then and he shakes his head.

“No, no I fully agree with you. I mean.. I’m 27. Way too young.” he mumbles, and Taylor reaches his hand again.

“Hey, look at me.” she says then, almost whispering because she knows he will hear her. “It’s you and me until the day I die. No matter if you love someone else or.. if you hate me. I will always love you, even when you don’t love me anymore.”

A dog barks at the end of the road. The soft snow underneath her boots creak slightly. For the first time since minutes, Taylor looks up in front of her again. Joe and Eleanor are still a good three hundred meters in front of them, have now started to pick a snowball fight. Just the two of them. And the tall man seems unlucky, seems to have taught his daughter very well. Every now and then, he acts as if Eleanor’s snowball hit him very hard. Harder than humanly possible. And Eleanor loves it, giggles excitedly while speaking to Flint about her next move.

You left me. You left me. You left me no choice but to stay here forever.

Taylor feels her body vibrating. She immediately stops, turns around at the woman next to her. “Uhm Naomi, can you.. can you walk up to Joe and tell him I need to finish something really quick. He.. he’ll know. See you later.” Naomi nods a bit confused, and it’s only then that Taylor notices how insecure the woman seems. She’s looking at Taylor, trying hard to understand her. Trying hard to read her. It’s this moment, in which Taylor understands that it’s also not easy being in her position. She’s the one who wasn’t there. Who hasn’t lived through the past years.

But Joe and her did. Every second.

More determined than before, she then turns around, already picks her phone as soon as she’s a few meters away from her. Within a matter of seconds, Taylor opens her recording app, stares at her phone for a few seconds and closes the app again. She then goes back to her picture folder, scrolls up for a few seconds. Right until she’s found it. Found something she didn’t want to see for a long time.

07.54pm, Amsterdam, Netherlands, September 4th, 2018.

Her phone still reminds her. Taylor stares at this picture for a while. Joe indeed, looked so happy. Sitting in the small restaurant by the canal. Holding her hand. Believing that they were forever. Having his mum’s ring in his pocket. Little did he know then that this evening would be the first time she would refuse his proposal. Taylor touches his face on the screen for a few seconds, then closes the app again. She goes back into her recordings, holds the phone close to her and begins to sing quietly. She doesn’t want anyone to notice her. To notice her singing nonsense into her phone - which has been the only dealing mechanism she’s ever known. She closes her eyes, right on this snowy winter day, and she’s back. Back in Amsterdam. Back in summer.

“Help, I'm still at the restaurant, still sitting in a corner I haunt, cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right..”

#taylor swift #joe and taylor #joe alwyn #taylor swift fanfiction #joe and taylor fanfiction #lovebound #fanfiction #Christmasbound #right where you left me #amsterdam

127 notes · View notes

sweetsubharry · 4 years

Note

do have any mpreg fics? (harry gets pregnant ofc)

Yes I do!! 💖 also of course ;) there’s about 54 in this list if I counted correctly!! so it’s a long one!

Please stay safe and read the tags everyone!!

Worth the Wait by lovelarry10

“Harry, you’re scaring me. Why did you need me to come home? I don’t mind, not if you need me, but… tell me what’s happening, love.” “I…” Harry cleared his throat, but still the words wouldn’t come. His shaking hand reached down and pulled out the picture, his breath coming in shallow pants as he handed it to Louis, who took it from him, frowning down at it.

“Whose is this?”

Louis’ blue eyes met Harry’s green then, and Harry knew he had to tell the truth.

“It’s mine. Ours. I’m pregnant, Louis.”

*****

Louis and Harry had long ago come to terms with the fact they couldn’t have children. Rapidly approaching their forties, they’re settled at work, and more than happily married.

Life, however, has other plans for the Tomlinsons.

Fill My Heart With Sweetness by loopdelouis

Harry's a late bloomer, but since his luck is shit, it's no surprise that he'd be the last to get a heat, but the first to get pregnant. In high school.

Count The Wolves And We'll Sleep Tonight by scribblewrite

Louis's the Alpha of a powerful pack and Harry's his omega.

When Harry's taken by rogue alphas, Louis will do anything to bring him home safely.

yes, you make my life worthwhile by orphan_account

Harry whispers to him that this feels like every dream he’s had for the last three years and Louis kisses his temple, behind his ear, across his cheeks and by the edge of his jaw. He runs the back of his finger across Winnie’s sleep-warm cheeks and sighs, the weight of the world finally off his shoulder.

Louis' a pediatrician, Harry's a preschooler teacher, and they're having a baby.

Weigh Us Down (We're In Love) by orphan_account

Harry’s eyes widen slightly at that. “We’re friends?”

Louis nods eagerly, smiling even wider. “Of course we are! You’re like, my first ever friend here. We just moved in, you see. Did I already tell you about that? Anyway! Maybe you can stay for dinner and I can show you my toys?”

Harry smiles. “You’ll let me play with you?”

Louis nods again, excited. “Of course!” He looks thoughtful for a moment, and then he’s slipping off the couch and crouching in front of Harry. “Oh, and Mum always kisses my wounds after she fixes them up. It makes me feel loads better all the time, so.” He leans forward and puckers his lips, pressing them over the bandage on Harry’s knee.

(harry and louis first meet when they’re eight and ten. this is their story throughout the years.)

love is so good when the love is young by drunkonyou

Louis falls for his pregnant best friend who has a bit of baggage. They make it work though.

fell in love in the morning sun by lumineres

“I'm going to die,” he wails. After about ten minutes of being in the car the discomfort got to be too much and Louis had to pull over so he could get on his hands and knees in the back seat, the only position that seemed to appeal to him. He let's out another pained cry, then grits out, “But not before I fucking kill you. This was your idea, I swear, what the fuck Louis.”

Louis does not correct him this time, he'd made that mistake two contractions ago and nearly lost his head. It had actually been Harry's idea, he'd told Louis that he hadn't forgotten the condoms, he wanted a baby. It really wasn't any trouble at all for Louis to oblige. Within a month of trying (what a wonderful month, honestly), Harry was full of Louis' baby. Like magic.

or, harry's in labor for 30 hours. louis believes in magic.

Vanished by FicNess

Harry loved Louis, Louis loved Harry. It was perfect. But after a small slip-up during some rather poorly planned sexytimes, Harry made the decision to run away. He was pretty good at hiding but Louis was also pretty good at seeking. And when Louis found him he also found a little surprise.

resolutions and lovers in the kitchen by orphan_account

Their dinner’s probably going cold, but this feels monumental. So instead of sitting them down on the table and talking about it face to face over chicken and pasta, Harry just puts his hands over Louis’ where they’re settled on his lower stomach, not letting the moment slip past them. He takes a deep breath, carefully arranging his thoughts. “She looks really lovely, Louis. Positively glowing. Her bump’s so big, and…” he trails off, breath hitching slightly when Louis lifts his hand higher, settling it right over Harry’s stomach, and that’s—

“And what, baby?” Louis asks, voice now dropped to a whisper, and Harry has to take a moment to collect his thoughts.

“She, um. She knows about you, of course, and she asked me when we’re—when we’re having a baby of our own.”

(harry teaches little kids and louis writes sports articles. they're trying for a baby.)

I'll Stand By You by harrystanslouis

Harry and Louis have been hooking up for two years. What happens when an unexpected surprise is thrown into their world?

-An mpreg, A/B/O AU featuring stupid boys in love, lots of pining, and a happy ending.

So Long I've Been Waiting by kikikryslee

Niall held up his glass in a toast. “Cheers.” Harry stared at Louis as he brought the glass up to his lips, unsure of what to do. It wasn’t like he could refuse the drink, but he certainly didn’t want to have any champagne. Louis monitored everyone else, and as soon as they all had their heads tilted back, drinking their mimosa, he reached out and knocked Harry’s glass right out of his hand, sending it crashing to the floor. “Oh, no!” Louis pretended to be shocked at what had just happened. “Harry, you’re so clumsy. You dropped your glass.” “Yes,” Harry said seriously. “I am very clumsy.” --- Or, the one where Harry and Louis are having their first baby, and keeping it a secret until the end of the first trimester is a lot harder than they thought it would be.

We Made These Memories for Ourselves by supernope

Breath held, Harry squints his eyes open and focuses on the first stick. A blue line. Harry breathes out an unsteady breath. He’s pretty sure he read that one blue line is a negative, but he fishes the box from the bottom of the pile just to make sure.

“Negative,” he confirms, voice echoing around the small room. “Next.”

Now that he’s feeling a little less shaky, he scans the rest of the tests at once, is met with a headache-inducing mixture of pink plus signs and blue double lines. His heart rate picks up until it’s pounding triple-time in the base of his throat and the pit of his stomach, thundering in his ears and throbbing in his temples. He flips over the rest of the boxes slowly, but he knows what they’re going to say before he even looks.

[or, Louis is a footballer, Harry owns a bakery, and they're having a baby.]

Nothing I'm Running From by swallowsmateforlife

The odds are one in a million. Chances are it's not going to happen to them.

It does happen to them and Harry Styles is pregnant.

deep in my heart i know there's only you by ballsdeepinjesus

"Will you do it?” Harry whispers. Louis has to lean closer just to hear him. He furrows his brows and shakes his head, not knowing what Harry means. “Would you donate for me?”

Louis is dumbfounded. “I’m sorry, I thought you just asked if I’d donate my sperm. Can you repeat yourself?”

[harry and louis are best friends who engage in some platonic baby-making. very platonic.]

hard to confess by hereforlou

One, they only did it without a condom once (and a half) and not during his heat. Never during his heat. Two, he never once forgot to take his birth control (he’s almost sure). Three, his plan is to be married for a year before he even starts trying for a baby, and not only is he very, very single, him and Louis aren’t even sleeping together anymore. Which brings him to reason number four why this can’t be happening: Louis. Louis doesn’t want a baby with Harry.

(Or, the one where Harry knows he messed up and Louis knows nothing.)

Piece by Piece by SadaVeniren

He rubbed his hand over his lower stomach and closed his eyes. Louis was going to lose his fucking mind.

(aka Harry tells Louis he's pregnant and it goes as expected)

Fallen Far From the Tree by SadaVeniren

“I’m so excited.”

“Me too,” Louis said. “Just think, it’s gonna be you and me forever.” He even managed to sing song the end of the sentence.

Harry snorted. “That’s not how the line goes. And besides, it’s not gonna be you and me forever. It’s gonna be you, and me, and this little one.”

He could see the smile stretch across Louis’ face. “Yeah. You’re right.”

(aka Harry and Louis go through the ups and ups of pregnancy)

Right Here Waiting by lovelarry10

Louis and Harry are expecting a baby. Harry's heavily pregnant and nesting madly, determined to make their home ready for their baby.

(i didn't mean to) fall in love tonight by zouisclimax

Harry texts him back a thumbs up emoji before leaning forward and throwing up again. He groans, but stands after he’s done, wiping his mouth with toilet paper, and flushing the toilet.

He washes his mouth out as best as he can before steeling himself and heading back to class, trying his best not to cry. He tells himself that there is no point in worrying when he doesn’t even know if there is anything to worry about yet.

He still feels sick.

[or, the American boarding school AU where Harry's infatuated with Louis and one night flips his whole world upside-down]

you fit me better than my favourite sweater by brightbluelou

Harry didn't mean to fall in love with his best friend, and he definitely didn't mean to get pregnant. Despite that, it’s probably still the best thing that’s ever happened to him. And after that, well. It just kept getting better.

or; the one where Harry and Louis are friends-with-benefits and Harry unexpectedly gets pregnant. Harry never wants to stop getting pregnant after that, but Louis thinks seven kids is probably enough.

Running Down To The Riptide by sweaterpawstyles

"I can't give you your present yet, Lou."

Louis furrowed his brows. "And why is that, my love?"

Harry smiled at his lap. "Because your present is under my sweater," he pulled his free hand that wasn't laced with Louis' and gently laid it on his stomach. "I'm pregnant."

It's New Year's Eve and Harry has a surprise under his sweater

When I'm Lost I feel so very Found by sweaterpawstyles

Louis posted a picture a few minutes later of Harry kissing his cheek and captioned it as "My baby is having our baby :)"

It ended up getting almost a million likes in just a few hours and Louis' phone was blowing up with texts of congratulations from his friends. Harry couldn't stop blushing.

Or, the one where Harry is an average university student who winds up pregnant with rising actor Louis Tomlinson's child

Gasoline Stars by galacticlourry (orphan_account)

It reminded him of stardust, of the history of suns, and he supposed that was what the boy asleep on his shoulder had been created out of. The history of suns.

...

Or, an AU where it's all nice and innocent until someone ends up pregnant. (That would be Harry.) Also known as the Mpreg AU I've doubt you've read before.

Answer All Your Wishes by SadaVeniren

Harry and Louis met when Harry was thirteen and as first impressions go theirs was memorable enough to start a life long romance.

AKA a Tom Fletcher/Giovanna Fletcher AU where Louis is part of One Direction, Harry is the love of his life who blogs, and they have many, many children.

Claire de lune by Neondiamond

"We're having a baby Lou." he heard him say softly.

"We are babe, we are." Louis whispered into his husband's curls. "We're having a baby."

OR: Harry and Louis have wanted a baby for a while now, and now Harry's finally pregnant.

we've got a lifetime to kill by louislovesharry

harry and louis have a three year old daughter, evie, who is their whole world, and another little girl on the way. when harry falls and is put on bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy, louis and evie must adjust - but it is all worth it for their newest addition to the tomlinson family.

Dirty Little Secret by therogueskimo

“Can’t let Gemma … she can’t find us,” Harry gasped against Louis’ lips, kicking his jeans off.

“Why?” Louis breathed against his mouth, working his lips down along the line of his jaw and onto his neck.

“Just … I don’t want to – god, Lou – don’t want to deal with her reaction. Just want it to be us.”

“Our dirty little secret, eh?”

_____________

Or the one where Harry and Louis fall in love, but can’t figure out how to tell Gemma. That is, until Harry gets pregnant, and they don’t have much of a choice.

Come In and Change My Life by lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes)

He’d had the same neighbours since he’d moved into the building, a lovely, wealthy couple in their late sixties who had always invited him around for tea on Sundays. Martha had dropped off homemade biscuits the day he’d moved in, so Harry figured he may as well repeat the sentiment. He could hear someone getting closer to the door just as a flush ran through his body; oh fuck. His heat was close, too close to be knocking on a potentially unknown alpha’s door, but it was too late. The door swung open, and Harry’s mouth dropped. He’d never been overly interested in football, couldn’t find the fascination in watching men run around after a ball for hours aside from their uniforms, but he knew who this was. Louis Tomlinson, alpha, captain of Manchester United, star in a number of Harry’s heat addled fantasies, was his new next-door neighbour.

Or, Harry and Louis become friends when Harry looks after Louis' cat during away games, until one night at a party changes everything between them. It's just a shame Louis' going to be away for the FIFA World Cup for three months.

Put It Into Words by orphan_account

“It’s a good storm though, our families,” Louis says, flopping down on to the bed and cuddling close to Harry. He tucks his arm around Harry’s waist, kissing his temple. “The Cheshire house is perfect to raise the baby; your mum’s close, and my mum can stay in the guest bedroom when she visits.”

“And until then we have the long weekend to ourselves.”

Or, Harry and Louis go on a babymoon.

I Get To Love You by lovelarry10

A one night stand leaves Harry with a permanent reminder of the night he spent with a stranger.

Louis has no idea who the handsome stranger he took to bed is... until his friends make a shocking discovery.

A baby is on the way, and Louis and Harry have nine months to get to know each other before they become a family...

Dancing Shadows by SadaVeniren

The house was quiet by the time Louis walked up to it. He’d been away for a week and while it wasn’t the longest he’d ever been away from the pack, it was the longest he’d been away from Harry and the kids.

A Perfect Reason by Chelsea Frew (chelseafrew)

During a visit to a charity he'd like to support, Prince Louis--next in line to the throne of the United Kingdom--meets Harry, the man of his dreams. Trouble is, Louis is not out, and the law says his heirs can only be born of a woman. Louis is determined not to let that stop his pursuit of Harry. His determination doubles when Harry accidentally becomes pregnant. He and Harry will have their little family--and change the monarchy while they're at it.

Another Constellation to Trace by screwstyles

Louis wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m winning that bet.”

“What bet?” comes Niall’s excited voice from behind them, followed by footsteps. “I wanna be in on the bet!” he shouts, prompting Harry to quickly roll down his shirt sleeve and straighten his shirt where it’s still crinkly after Louis’ hands.

Niall takes one look at them and purses his lips in a tight line. “Were you guys making out again? Isn’t the fire meant to die down a bit after eight years?”

“Trust me, the fire is still very much alive,” Louis winks at Harry. “One could even say it’s cooking something.”

Mpreg AU: Louis and Harry bet on who can keep Harry's pregnancy a secret for longer. Neither of them is particularly good at it, and it doesn't help that their soulmate tattoos make it even harder.

Made From Love by lovelarry10

It's almost Christmas, and amongst the preparations, Louis' realised something about his husband Harry.

Harry, however, seems to be oblivious.

Louis' determined to open Harry's eyes and make him realise the real magic that's happening this Christmas...

years go by, whether you want them to by louislovesharry

A girl. They were having a little girl, and Harry couldn’t be happier. He had dreamed of having a daughter for as long as he could remember. A tiny little angel that he could dress up, have tea parties, pick flowers with. And if that wasn’t her thing, Louis could play footie with her, they could teach her how to play guitar and play with toy trucks. There was nothing Harry wanted more than to have and hold this beautiful creature that they had made together out of pure love, and nurture and cherish her for always.

The 'Oh my God it's twins!" Drabble. by FicNess

The 'Oh my God it's twins!" Drabble.

another pair of feet by honey_beeing

where Harry is pregnant and Louis is an oblivious idiot.

I will Only have these eyes for you by Dysia

Harry's pregnant and Louis' more in love with him than ever.

Don't ever let this day stop by Dysia

Louis comes back home earlier than he was suppose to and he's surprised with the best present ever.

i will rearrange the stars (pull 'em down to where you are) by orphan_account

Except-- the antibiotics. They'd fucked to celebrate Harry finally feeling better and not being contagious after his fight with strep-- but the antibiotics had likely still been present. And everyone knew suppressants and birth control didn't work when on antibiotics.

"Lads," Harry repeated once again, blinking slowly as his eyes filled with tears. Liam and Niall were staring at him in bewildered silence. "Lads. I'm, like, ninety-eight point seven percent sure I'm up the duff."

Alternatively, the one where Omega!Harry gets pregnant

To Carry Love by dimpled_halo

During One Direction's hiatus, Harry becomes unexpectedly pregnant, and Louis does his best at becoming the most supportive husband he can be.

Fists Alongside Hearts by mpregharryqueen

Louis is a superhero protecting New York City. He never planned on having a sidekick and especially never planned on having a baby with said sidekick.

AU based very loosely on the cinematic masterpieces, Sky High and The Incredibles.

On His Way Home by denisemuriel

“Ehm, yeah.” Harry looked down onto his lap, fumbling with his fingers. “It’s Louis’.” He replied quietly. “Oh my god.” A voice that didn’t belong to his sister Gemma replied. When Harry looked up from his lap, he saw Lottie standing across the room in the door frame and his eyes grew as wide as hers. She was Louis’ fucking sister, damn it. And now she knew that he was pregnant with her brother’s baby. “Lottie, your fucking brother got my baby brother pregnant!” Gemma exclaimed.

Or the one where Harry is set up on a blind date with his sister's best friend's brother

We Were Made to Love by supernope

“Everything all sorted? Need help with the buckles? I know they’re a bit tricky in this compartment.”

The voice startles Louis out of his daze, and he turns toward the voice to let him know he figured it out. When he catches sight of the owner of the voice, though, his response dies in his throat. Whatever he had imagined the conductor of a children’s train that rides around the shopping centre in Leeds would look like, this is certainly not it.

Leaning through the window, arms folded across the sill, is a green-eyed angel with cherry red lips stretched wide in a smile and dimples flirting in his cheeks. A black conductor’s hat is the only confirmation that this is not some gorgeous stranger who’s come to flirt with Louis through the window of a children’s train, but is just a man doing his job.

[or, Harry drives a kiddie train in the shopping centre for the summer and is obsessed with babies, and Louis never stood a chance.]

Baby, What a Big Surprise by kiwikero

As Harry settles into his seat, self-consciously adjusting his shirt over his slightly distended stomach, he can’t help but wonder how he got himself into all this. But he knows, of course he knows. It isn’t exactly easy to forget the moment that changed his entire life forever.

It all started with a party.

Or, the one where shy, quiet Harry has no idea he's a carrier, and a one night stand with the most popular boy in school shows him just how wrong he was.

Featuring Lottie as Harry's best friend, Niall as her boyfriend, and, of course, Louis as the popular boy with a soft spot for his little sister's quirky friend.

here comes the sun by orphan_account

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Louis promises, his pink, chapped lips moving slowly in the cold. It matches the beanie on his head—pink, because they found out this morning that they’re having a girl and that’s just.

Harry’s going to be a dad. To a little girl. Five months from now he’ll be holding her in his arms, and she’ll be so lovely and small.

They’re going to have a spring baby and she’s probably going to have Louis’ eyes. What a blessing that would be. Harry crosses his fingers on the hand inside his pocket, hoping that she does. He’ll love her either way—blue or green or even brown eyes, it doesn’t matter—but he’d really like them to be blue, he thinks.

[Harry is a pediatric specialist, Louis is a neurosurgeon. All they want is a baby.]

and the sun shines upon your face by rosegarden

“It's just – it feels weird. To tell her that her twenty year old closeted son got knocked up in the middle of a stadium worldwide tour.” Louis laughs and Harry's heart squeezes at that beautiful sound. “Well it does sound weird when you put it like that.” “I don't 'put it like that'. It's the truth.”

the one where Harry really, really likes making plans but plans don't really like him, Louis is an overprotective-future-dad-to-be and Niall, Liam and Zayn race to be the godfather.

everywhere (i wanna be with you) by itiswhatitisbutterfly

Harry and Louis meet because they have terrible friends, they fall in love because something feels right in a world of uncertainty and shifting grounds. Louis is an actor and Harry is a model at the top of his game, the best things in life are the most unexpected ones and the things that hit you when you are least expecting it.

Featuring winter in London, nights in Paris, early mornings in New York, burning heat in Monte Carlo and an enduring love spent transcending four corners of the globe.

kiss full of color, makes me wonder where you've always been by louislovesharry

after a rough day dealing with his three kids and louis being gone, a very pregnant harry is exhausted. louis helps make things better, always.

you make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong by orphan_account

“Curly?” Louis says, stepping into Harry’s sight. “You okay?” Harry looks up from where he has two things in his hands, a thick winter coat sized for a newborn, and a sweatshirt fitting a grown man such as himself. He looks up at Louis, stricken, and holds them out for him to see. “They’re the same price,” he says. “They’re both forty dollars! Forty dollars for such little material.”

(or, Harry is pregnant and stops at the mall to buy cheap baby clothes. Louis has extra money from working a long shift, and he can't think of a better way to spend it than on him.)

i'll be your sunflower by scagnetism

“What do you think’s gonna stop us now?” Harry says cheekily, laughter in his voice as he looks up at Louis. “Something’s gotta get in our way like always, doesn’t it?”

“Ha,” Louis grins, kissing his cheek and holding open the door for him as they make their way toward the car. “Nothing’s gonna interrupt us this time. ‘S gonna be perfect, just like Pumpkin.”

Or, a few interruptions aren't going to stop Harry from having a perfect pregnancy and having the family he and Louis have always dreamed of.

The Original Mpreg!Harry by Chelsea Frew (chelseafrew)

series

i'll put my future in you by louislovesharry

series

Picture Perfect by LittleBubbleStyles

an AU where Louis Tomlinson is a misunderstood football player, and Harry Styles is a misunderstood photographer. Somehow, they're understood together.

*just a note to say this is a wip but it is almost completed and updated regularly!

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fairyoftbz · 4 years

Text

[10:56]

🎄Day 15 of the Christmas project🎄

"Are you ready, honey?” Sangyeon asked from the hall, replacing a lock of hair that had fallen to his forehead from lack of gel. Pushing it away with two fingers, he turned to the stairwell, awaiting your arrival. "I'm coming, just finishing this..." your voice trailed off in your concentration as you applied a final coat of mascara, your mouth hanging open as you gently brushed your lashes. Once this task was complete, you capped the tube before leaving it on your dressing table, turning off the light before going down the stairs, leading you directly to your boyfriend. The latter was still looking at himself in the mirror, the hand in his hair immediately stopping after you appeared in the reflection. You wore a pretty grey, black and white skater skirt and a Christmas sweater, your hair pulled up in a nice bun, leaving your neck open and adorned with a gold necklace. The mouth of your partner dropped abruptly, his eyes widening as he turned to face you.

“You look so beautiful,” are the only words he managed to utter as he stared at you, feeling the blush on your cheeks as his beautiful eyes took pleasure in studying you. Getting closer to you, he hugged your waist before placing a kiss on your temple, being careful not to ruin your makeup. You smiled as you smoothed down the fold of his suit before kissing him quickly on the lips, letting out a chuckle when you see a faint tint on your boyfriend's lips. You wiped it with your thumb, and he puckered his lips, his tongue darting out against your finger, making you laugh. "Okay, let's go, or we're gonna be late, and you know how much my mom hates latecomers," you took his hand and grabbed the car keys that were hanging off the wall, Sangyeon shutting the main door with a double turn before sitting at the wheel.

The trip to your parents' house went off without a hitch, just a little scare when Sangyeon didn't see a patch of ice under some snow. However, he handled the situation like a pro by stepping the wheel to the left, getting you back on the road properly, letting out a sigh of relief as you were safe again. Sangyeon followed your directions to your childhood home, pulled up in the driveway in front of the garage and turned off the ignition. Keeping his hands on the wheel, he sighed, hearing a hint of apprehension in his body. You turned your head to look at him, placing a reassuring hand on his forearm, your gesture forcing him to look at you.

"It's going to be fine, don't worry too much. I'm sure they'll love you," smiling at him before kissing his cheek, Sangyeon chuckled very briefly as his hands fidgeted in fear. He was about to meet your family, taking this big step with you made him very uneasy. He knew that if he made a first bad impression, he would have no way of making up for it. He didn't want to screw up because you were really important to his eyes, and he couldn't afford to make a single mistake, because you were simply perfect when you met his parents last weekend.

"Just be yourself, that's how they're gonna really like you the best," he turned his head towards you and took a deep breath as if he wanted to cheer himself up and nodded, his hand on the car handle. You got out of the car at the same time, the front door of the house opening on your father and your older brother, the latter having his arms crossed against his chest. You took your boyfriend's hand and squeezed it discreetly, assuring him that he needn't to panic. "Here you are, children!" Come in, come in!" your father greeted with a wide smile, warmly shaking your boyfriend's hand as you hugged your brother. "If he ever hurts you, I'm smashing his face in," he whispered in your ear, and you gave him a gentle tap on the shoulder. "Get to know him before judging him, we've been together for a long time," you whispered against his chest before letting go of his grip, hearing your mother come from the living room.

"Oh, boys, you could've waited for me to greet them! Oh my darling, how stunning you are! And you are Sangyeon, right? Welcome loves, just come in,” your mother hugged you and kissed your temple, your father stepping aside to let the rest of the family in. "He's a very lovely gentleman," your mother whispered as you felt your cheeks heat in embarrassment, glad that Sangyeon had made a first positive impression on your mother. She pulled you into the kitchen, asking you about how you were as your boyfriend walked into the living room, your brother and father on his heels. He sat down on the couch and pleadingly looked at you one last time before you disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him like a puppy with two adult Dobermans.

"What did you say to the boys before we got there? They're going to scare Sangyeon away no sooner said than done," you said, looking distractedly behind you, hearing the male voices coming from the living room. "No, no, I didn't tell them anything, I just don't think your brother is too pleased that you are bringing a man home…" your mother's voice trailed off as she concentrated on placing the appetisers on a tray, his words making you frown. "So he has the right to bring a girl home without me saying anything, but he's not happy when I bring someone like Sangyeon home? He's not a guy I picked randomly, we've been together for a while, and I love him,” folding your arms across your chest in annoyance, your mother waved her hand in front of her face. "Don't worry too much Y/N, he's your big brother, he's just being protective," you shook your head before suddenly opening the fridge, grabbing two beers, a bottle of sparkling water and champagne before heading to the living room.

Sangyeon didn't seem too comfortable, and there was a reason for it. Your brother still hadn't uncrossed his arms and was looking at your boyfriend intensely, enough to make him uneasy. When you appeared out of the kitchen, he smiled like a man who saw an oasis as he had just crossed the desert. You beamed at him in the most reassuring way you could, trying not to let him know that he shouldn't stress too much. Your brother could indeed be extremely - too - protective because of some guys who broke your heart many years ago, but Sangyeon had nothing to do with them. He was kind, attentive, and most of all, he loved and cared for you.

"Here," you sharply handed the beer to your brother, uncapping your father's because of his premature degenerative joint disease. "Thanks, Y/N," your father said before you took a close seat next to Sangyeon, placing a reassuring hand on his thigh. You felt his muscle relax at your touch, sending him a quiet smile as your mother arrived with drinks and homemade snacks.

The rest of the day went off without a problem, your mother sending your brother regularly to the kitchen to stop harassing Sangyeon with questions, the latter not feeling reassured when he was with you and your parents at the table.

"Your brother is worse than a detective, he should work for the secret service," Sangyeon took the opportunity that you are alone together at the table to speak to you with more freedom. You put a hand on the middle of his back and rubbed it gently, feeling his heart pounding under your palm. "I know, and I'm sorry… he still has the bad memories of the last men I brought home. He thinks I only date toxic people, so he's worried about me. No matter how much I tell him that I have matured and that I'm cautious about my heart and my dates, he still doesn't want to hear anything,” you sighed, trying to explain your brother's behaviour without taking his defence, your soft voice contrasting with the words that came out of your mouth. You smiled and looked up when the rest of your family walked into the living room again, your parents smiling big at your boyfriend. Your brother's eyes fixed on your linked hands, but your mother nudged him to stop making such a fuss.

"It was super nice to have us, we're gonna be soon, right honey?" "Yeah, we've got a long way to go home," he agreed before clearing his throat. Your mum seemed sad that you were leaving so quickly, but she understood that you still had some way to go, since you didn’t live next door. Your parents got up from the couch, and you imitated them, hugging your mom while your dad shook hands with a big, enthusiastic smile on his lips. “Sangyeon, I enjoyed meeting you. You're welcome home at any time, come back with Y/N whenever you want!" A veil of relief appeared on your boyfriend's face, who smiled very lively at your father. "Likewise, I had a fantastic evening meeting everyone," you sent a knowing smile to your mother, who winked at you. "I have never seen you so happy and comfortable with a man, it's nice to see you with such a big smile on your face. Keep him close to you, he's a good guy, I can feel it," your mother added, cupping your face before kissing your cheek. "Mother's instinct?" You asked with a slight smile, watching out of the corner of your eye as it was your brother's turn to shake Sangyeon's hand. "Text us when you get home, loves!" Your mom yelled from the doorway, wrapped in her cardigan, waving as your boyfriend reversed the car onto the road. You waved goodbye to them one last time before driving off, feeling that Sangyeon was relaxing more and more as you moved away from your parents' house.

“Congratulations honey, you passed the test!" You exclaimed teasingly, your man letting out a huge sigh that made you laugh, looking like he had held his breath as soon as he stepped through the door of the family home. "Are you sure because I don't know if your brother is-" "Stop with him, my parents love you, that's what matters. My brother is a very sceptical person, you also glare when your big sister brings a man home." "Yeah, there is good reason to, she's hanging out with some weird guys." "Well, imagine I was doing the same thing before I met you, so he had to show my exes not to hurt me," you explained, Sangyeon sped onto the highway.

"But has he ever hit one of your exes?" He asked with concern, the question burning his tongue since you told him everything about your brother, making you laugh softly. "Yes, it has happened a few times," you nodded and saw your boyfriend thickly swallow and slowly grow pale. "I'm kidding love! He just threatened them, nothing too serious," laughing out loud at your boyfriend's frightened face, he shook his head and grabbed your thigh to give it a gentle squeeze. "Stop playing pranks on me like that, it's not funny." "You should have seen your face, it was amazing," you chuckled, and he shook his head again before looking at you for a brief moment. "Wait till we get home, he who laughs last laughs longest." "Is this a threat ?" you quizzed with a smirk, your boyfriend chuckling. "Maybe… or an invitation for a good time," you exchanged a teasing glance before you nudge his face with your forefinger to make him focus on the road, the hand on your thigh innocently stroking your skin, going back and forth, each time going a little higher.

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apples-r-rubbish · 4 years

Text

Institute (13th Doctor x reader) Part 5

Summary: You’re on the run, no doctor, no time. Word Count: 2.4k AN: I’m going to be taking a lil break after the next chapter, just as I’m moving and I need time to adjust sorry -L x Warnings: none i think Tags: @startrekkingaroundasgard @penguinwithitsarseonfire

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3) (PART 4) (PART 6) (PART 7) (PART 8) MASTERLIST

Panic. Screaming. Wind. Noise. Fear. Tense breathing. More screaming. More panic.

“Hold on!” Graham shouted over the monstrous amount of noise. Ryan found a panel and somehow managed to fly the plane on his phone. You were too shaken to understand. O. The plane was finally level. The Master. You were shaking. Nothing really sunk in. You blinked and you were helped off the plane by the worried trio. You snuck past the guards as Barton spoke to someone official looking. You were in Essex according to Ryan, and now that you were off the plane things had finally begun to fall into place within your mind. You were being stared at by everyone.

“It’s hard not to stand out, when we look like this,” Ryan groaned frustrated at the suit

“We’ve just been on a night out and we’re going home, that’s all,” Yaz reassured a soothing voice trying to calm you all down. Your phone went off, as did the others. Cautiously you answered it. Barton. “Hello, friends. What, did you think I wouldn't be able to track you? We have your numbers, e-mails, GPS. I even know how many more stamps you need for a free coffee. So close, Ryan. Or should I say Logan? Look up.” You did as he said. On a screen above you all your faces were displayed, claiming you were dangerous. More cursing. “Your passports have been revoked, bank accounts frozen,” Barton continued “We have a record of everyone you know - friends, family, colleagues, everyone you ever followed on social media. Of course, we have cameras everywhere, and now you're wanted for hijacking. Go off the grid see how long you’ll last,”

In a panic, Ryan smashed his phone, Yaz attempted to call her mum and Graham froze. “Oh and Yazmin is attempting to call her mum, how sweet,” He spat sarcastically. Yaz had rambled into the phone briefly for a second before Ryan grabbed the phone and stomped on it, he did the same with your phone and Graham’s. Then you ran.

You had finally settled on a building estate, hours late. Bones aching, out of breath and tired.

“No CCTV we should be safe for now,” Graham said, clearly weary from the day. You filled into a half built house. You took a seat on a sort of wall as did the others

“How do we know we can trust you?” Ryan asked suddenly “We don’t know you. The Doctor trusted O, and he betrayed us, how do we know you won’t?”

“You don’t.” You replied shortly “I’m an outsider. You’ve seen me what? Twice before today? Three times because one of them hasn’t happened to me yet. You don’t know you can trust me. But you have to. If I wanted to turn on you, if I had malicious intent I would have ran off with the master, but I didn’t.”

“Who are you really? O said you were a missing person,�� Yaz asked inner police woman jumping forward

“I am. Technically. I was recruited by people I know very little about to do a job, told me it was important so I took the role. Wiped me from my old life, gave me a new one,” “How come the Doctor didn’t recognise that person? Surely you would recognise someone like that?”

“Their species, they have a way of cheating death, burn up every cell in their body, change their face and who they are. The Doctor used to be a man, we have 12 other faces on file. The master also can do that, same species same thing,”

“Who was he?”

“Well, do you remember Harold Saxon? That used to be him,”

“What- I voted for him!” Graham exclaimed

You examined the looks on their faces, “You want to know about my future don’t you, you want to put the pieces together, but she’s said you can’t tell me. One question won’t kill me,”

“You mentioned you were going to die on another planet? How would you know something like that?” Yaz wondered

“This, this interaction. Time isn’t linear. It’s more a big lump, as time travellers, we jump in and out at various points, things aren’t linear things can be changed and rewritten. Surely she told you that?”

“She doesn’t exactly tell us a lot. Who are you to her really?”

“I’m no one important, I think, I don’t know. I get pieces in passing. A bit like a conversation you aren’t a part of yet, just occasional whispers. Her late wife visited me once, and told me to keep track of everything. Keep journals and notes, telling me it would help make things easier, clearer. She was in a similar position, they met when she died and they kept meeting, bumping into each other, in the wrong order, fell in love, nearly destroyed the universe,” You explained “The doctor trusts me and I trust the doctor. Good enough for me. Also we went on a date,”

“Since we’re admitting things, I stole some of the gadgets from MI6, I’m wearing the laser shoes. Before you ask, no I didn’t read the instructions,” Graham laughed

“I took the rocket cufflinks too,” Ryan smiled

“You utter doughnuts, all of you. But there’s no one I’d rather be on the run with,” Graham turned to you “Even you, you seem to know a lot and I trust you. You’re on the same wavelength as the Doctor and that’s good enough for me.”

“Did you hear that?” There was a noise, and light. Kasaavin. You stepped out the building one by one.

“The shoe, use the shoe,” Ryan urged

“What?”

“Just stomp or something!” Graham did. A bolt hit a nearby streetlight.

“Your aim is terrible,”

“Graham, just dance.” He did and a few bolts hit the figures. You grabbed the others hands and ran.

The sun was coming up, you hadn’t slept for about 36 hours and whilst Yaz made a phone call, you and Ryan leant against each other in a desperate attempt to stay awake. She hung up suddenly as a car pulled up. Men stepped out, threatening you. Graham came up behind them and waved his laser shoe dramatically

“-and don’t make me do the soft-shoe shuffle!” He stated over dramatically, as you got into the car. You had decided to drive

“Are you sure you’re going to be safe? Driving, I mean, 36 hours is a lot-” Yaz began cautiously

“I’ll be fine. I once stayed a awake for a week on some planet so I could do my job, and the days were 25 hours, this is nothing,” You joked

“Can we go to the institute? Surely they’ll keep us safe?”

“No, they won’t. Anything linked to present day criminal activity immediately gets you dropped. We deal with time, you so much as breathe wrong you’re dropped,” You explained, “We have to follow their GPS.” You sped off

The hanger was cold and empty. There was a single figure on a chair along with a stand and a screen, you rushed to it.

“Is she still?” Ryan asked, not wanting to say the word. You checked for a pulse, she was cold. You shook your head, “No she isn’t. She hasn’t been for a while, a few hours, at most, I think.” Barton appeared on the screen.

“Well done overpowering my people. But did you really think they wouldn't tell me? I have a significant announcement to make, and you, my friends, are two steps behind. As usual,” He mocked

“So what are you? Part alien or something?” Graham asked

“You really don't understand who I am. I build things. I test them. So I let them test a tiny part of me. And now it's time for the global roll-out. I'm proof of concept,”

“As the head of the Bad Wolf institute, I have to ask, what are you testing? Why don’t you stop with the theatrics and murder? Make my job the tiniest bit easier,” You asked, temper flaring

“Look after my mum.” The call ended. You went to hit the screen and decided against instead choosing to make a loud noise.

“He killed his own mum,” Yaz breathed

“And abandoned her, in a hanger, to rot,” You stated, formal tone back. The screen came on once again, this time to an image of Barton giving a talk.

“-We told you, of course your lives are private, of course your data's safe. And you believed us. You kept clicking Agree. And now, we can do anything. I can send a text to every device on this planet.”

“Something doesn’t make sense, I’m missing something, I’m being stupid. God why does lack of sleep does this,” You grumbled. A message flashed up on the screen. Humanity is over, you have three minutes to prepare. The statue started spinning.

“Funny, right? Except, not a joke. We are way past peak human. We've created systems that are smarter and can run more efficiently than we do. So what's our purpose? We must be useful for something. Well, the data tells us we are. We can repurpose. Well, you all can. You know the most efficient type of hard drives on Planet Earth? Humans. Human DNA can store so much data. We're the perfect storage system, which means there are over seven billion potentially incredibly useful hard drives on this planet. All that's needed is to reformat the whole of humanity. Luckily, there's an app for that.” Barton chuckled, tone sinister.

The room was filled with light. The Kasaavin. The hangar door swung open. The master.

“Move away. Now! I've just had the most infuriating seventy seven years of my life. Have you any idea how hard it is to live through the 20th century? The places I've escaped from. Still, just in time to watch you all pay.” He grumbled, he looked aggressive like a wolf ready to attack.

“What is it? What the hell is that thing?” You asked, barely giving the others time to react

“Back with us I see? Aw shock was good look on you, shame the Doctor won’t get to see more of it,” He snarled “ If you must know, dear, it converts and transmits. We're transmitting Kasaavin energy around the world all at once into every device, hitting every human being and erasing all their DNA simultaneously. And it’s beautiful.” The energy grabbed Yaz, she couldn’t let go, you tried to pull her off, it wouldn’t move, she couldn’t budge.

“No use. It’ll take her, then you then you, and finally Miss Institute herself, a shame.” The machine stopped suddenly, the figures vanished.

“You were saying?” You replied smugly

“Sorry. I’ll admit I was close,” The doctor. Relief washed over you. She entered the hangar followed by two other women.

“Two can play at embedding things in history. I knew the Silver Lady was important, and that you built it for a reason, but I couldn't work out why. So I traced its movements through history. And when I saw that Barton now owned it, we stopped by his office. Middle of last year, using your Tardis, I built a fail-safe into that machine. Planted a virus. If it ever detected the massing of a Kasaavin army within its systems - total shutdown,” She explained. The room glowed again, circling everyone.

“Well Doctor, looks like you’re going to have to explain everything to them,”

“Look, I’ve rigged the Silver lady to send you back your own dimension. And that deal he made with you?” She pulled out her sonic and played a audio clip

‘Barton and these creatures do the dirty work, and once they're done, I get rid of them, having destroyed your precious human race in the process. Win-win-win.’

“Oh,” Was all the Master could manage to say

“Yes that’s your name, don’t wear it out,” She replied before the light increased. And with that the room was empty again, “Everyone alright? Everyone safe?” A chorus of yes sounded of from the group

“Miss me?” She asked a small but beautiful smile on her face, wrapping her arm around you

“Always,” You replied pressing a small kiss to her lip

“I hate to break up a sweet moment but I have questions. Who are they? And are we being replaced?” Graham asked

“Oh these are Noor and Ada, I’m dropping them off back in their timeline, like I could ever replace any of you.”

They were dropped off back in their respective times.

“So where to now?” The doctor asked, flipping a few switches

“The institute for me, I’m afraid,” You cringed, desperately wanting to stay

“What?” She suddenly looked up staring deep into your eyes, clearly hurt.

“I have to warm them, the Master is out there, and we have to prepare. We’ve barely managed to fix everything after the issues in 2015. I do want to stay, I truly do, but it’s hard and I have to look after them,” You avoided her eyes

“It’s ok I get it. Since we’re synced I can say this, whenever we meet up synced or not we have to go on a date, because we don’t know when it’s going to happen so we might as well enjoy it,” She wandered over to where you were stood

“Like time girlfriends?” “Time girlfriends,” She nodded. You kissed her cheek, and she smiled into it, hugging you tightly.

“Miss you already,” You joked taking steps out of the TARDIS and back into your office the day that you left.

“Are you ok? You’ve been a bit distant recently,” Yaz asked, breaking the Doctor from her thoughts. It had been a few months, since they’d seen you as a group.

“I’m fine,” She replied shortly

“You miss her don’t you?” The doctor ignored the question continuing to focus on the random buttons she was fiddling with. “Look, why don’t you take us to visit your home?”

“Can’t. Shouldn’t. You’ll ask too many questions. It’s boring. Why do you think I ran?” She explained, her usual answers combining into one, “but yes I miss her,”

#doctor who self insert #thirteen x reader #thirteen #thirteenth doctor #thirteenth doctor x reader #thirteenth Doctor imagine #doctor who x reader #doctor who x you #13th doctor #13th doctor x reader #13th doctor/reader #13th doctor/you

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 6 years

Text

Y/N wants Harry to open up more

2k - angsty and vulnerable Harry

A/N: for the anon who requested it! I tweaked it a little but I hope y’all like it!

Harry knew he really fucked it up this time. He knew that he’d pissed her off when she left without telling him where she was going and he knew that she’d likely stay at a friends or at her mum’s or anywhere other than his house.

It’d happened a few times before in the nine months they’d been together. It happened when he came back from tour in 2017, it happened once when he forgot about her friend’s birthday party and came two hours late.

They’d always make up, but this time, he wasn’t so sure. And now, to make matters worse, he was alone at this fancy work function in a hotel ballroom with his hand gripped around a glass of whiskey that he sipped at every few minutes, checking his phone time and time again to see if she’d texted.

She hadn’t.

It wasn’t that he had tried to piss her off this morning. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand where she was coming from. But that was the thing about Y/N. She didn’t seem to understand that years of being closed off didn’t just change overnight.

They’d talked about it countless times. Y/N was the kind of girl who wore her heart on her sleeve. She would laugh and cry and sometimes do both at the same time. She felt everything fully, and she wasn’t afraid to do it.

And maybe Harry was jealous--maybe he wished that he could be more like that. He didn’t really know what it felt like, but he often wondered if it felt better than shoving everything down.

And he’d been trying. He was trying to be more authentic, more vulnerable, as she put it. He was trying to tell her how he felt in the moment instead of ignoring it and claiming he was fine. He was trying to be more honest with her about the things that kept him up at night.

So this morning, when Y/N asked why Harry had gotten up in the middle of the night and didn’t come back to bed, he hesitated. He didn’t really know--he thought maybe it was the fact that he’d fought with his sister the day before, or maybe it was because his manager had told him they’d need to have a conversation soon about his second album.

But he wasn’t positive, and sometimes, it felt easier to deny that anything was wrong than to find the words to explain his uncertainty.

Y/N disagreed.

“I don’t know why this is so hard for you,” she’d say. “I don’t know how you can claim to love me but still have such trouble telling me that you’re upset.”

It wasn’t that--there was no correlation between Harry’s love for his girlfriend and the trouble he had talking about his feelings. The fact that Y/N thought that only made Harry more mad. Mad enough, actually, that he felt his fingers closing more tightly around the glass in his hand.

It’d been worse since he left the band. He’d been so busy, so stuck in autopilot for his years in One Direction that Harry didn’t really have much time to feel. Instead of addressing all of the overwhelming feelings that come with a sudden rise to fame and the inevitable downfall of a boyband (fear, guilt, excitement, uncertainty, nervousness, exhaustion, more guilt, more fear, more excitement), Harry found it easier to just ignore all of them and hope he’d be alright.

Y/N, however, had picked up on that pretty quickly. And she definitely didn’t like it, either. She was the kind of girl who could talk and talk and talk about all of her feelings until she was blue in the face. She was comfortable with the uncomfortable, and despite the fact that Harry had been hoping that would rub off on him, it hadn’t.

“Y’alright?” Patrick’s voice sounded from behind him. Patrick, a friend from the label, was the only person Harry felt like he could tolerate right now. He’d alright avoided Ben and Veronica and Damien.

“Yeah, yeah,” he shook his head, rubbing at his mouth momentarily. He could hear Y/N’s voice in his head: “you’re not alright, so why lie and say you are?”

He shook the thought away, realizing that harping on the their fight or wondering what she was doing wasn’t going to do him any good. He took another sip of his drink, but this time, it burned his throat more than he’d like to admit.

He cleared his throat, offering a smile to the woman who came up behind Patrick. She started saying something about the event--the food, the venue, whatever--but Harry couldn’t focus. His chest felt tight and his head felt worse. He’d always dealt with anxiety, but it never felt this bad.

“S’cuse me, sorry,” he bowed out of the conversation, offering a wave to Patrick as looked for the nearest exit. He downed the last of his drink and left it on a nearby table.

By the time he got home to an empty house he felt worse. His stomach was in knots and his palms felt sweaty--he keyed into his house and shut the door behind him.

He didn’t know what is was--didn’t really care, either. All he knew was that he felt like shit, he was tired of feeling so disconnected from Y/N, and whatever sudden illness had taken over him made him feel on the verge of tears.

Maybe it was years of not really feeling, maybe he’d eaten something at the work event that didn’t agree with him. Either way, he was rushing for the bathroom to get sick into the toilet before he could even set his keys and wallet on the console table in his foyer.

Once, twice, three times finally made him feel a bit better. He wiped at his mouth and flushed, momentarily wishing he could do the same with the anxiety he seemed to feel day in and day out.

He let his head hang in his hands--wondering if Y/N had been right.

“All of this stress will make you sick if you don’t talk about it,” she’d said before.

Maybe she was right.

Harry didn’t really have a chance to ponder that more seriously, though, because he soon heard the door open and the beeping of his house alarm. He could hear the beeps of the correct code being punched in, he could hear her footsteps coming down the hall after she called his name.

“Harry?” She appeared in the doorway, clad in the same clothes she’d worn this morning. Leggings and a sweatshirt and her hair up. “Are you sick?”

From his spot on the floor, Harry felt pathetic. He wondered if Y/N had ever seen him so dreadfully hopeless. Probably not.

“I’m fine,” he choked out automatically, but the look on Y/N’s face made his voice falter a bit, the tightness in his chest was more extreme than it had been before. “My chest hurts,” he said after a second, his honesty immediately brought Y/N to the ground, kneeling beside him.

He could feel the tears welling in his eyes before she even reached forward to put a hand on his shoulder--but when they made contact, it’s like the floodgates opened.

“I’m sorry,” a shaky breath, “that we--fought today.”

Y/N was taken back, overwhelmed and unsure of what to do. In the nine months they’d been together, she’d never seen him cry like this. She’d never seen him cry, period. She’d seen him get angry and annoyed with her, she’d seen him slam a door. But she’d never seen him actually crumble.

“Harry, it’s okay, it’s alright,” she said quietly, scooching closer to him on the floor. She had a feeling that he wasn’t crying because they fought. Sure, she’d left and said she needed time to cool off, but she knew she’d come back. They’d had worse fights in the past, but Y/N knew when they woke up that Harry was just off. What made it worse is that he wouldn’t tell her why.

He sobbed for a second like that, her hand on his shoulder and his back against the sink. Eventually, Y/N spoke again. “What even happened, did you get sick?”

He nodded, choking back the tears that still seemed eager to pour out. “I just felt like shit,” he said, working to catch his breath as he brought his eyes up to hers. “I left early and I got home and felt like rubbish.”

“Why do you feel like shit?” She asked, her voice quiet. Harry knew it was a test, and Y/N did too. She didn’t mean for it to be one, really, but she knew the answer she didn’t want to hear.

Harry let out another shaky breath and licked his lips, the taste of salt was strong. “I think I’m just overwhelmed,” he said. “I’ve been--” he paused, unsure of the words to use. “I’ve been anxious and stressed.”

Y/N nodded, bringing her feet out from under her to join Harry on the floor. She sat opposite him, their knees touching as Harry rubbed at his eyes some more.

It seemed like most of the tears were out--it was a burst of emotion that felt so fleeting, he thought. He let out a quiet laugh, causing Y/N to meet his eyes. “That wasn’t as bad as I expected,” he said.

It wasn’t like Harry thought that talking with Y/N about these things would be terrible or miserable or cataclysmic, it’s more that he didn’t really think she’d care. Not because she didn’t care about him, but just because people didn’t seem to really do that.

Sure, he had adoring fans and friends and family and previous girlfriends and people who worked for him. But the thing that kept Harry up at night was the fact that all of those people needed him to slap a smile on his face and just get on with it. They needed him to make money to support them, make music to please them, sell records to impress them.

He certainly didn’t need to bring his own feelings into the mix--feelings didn’t sell records. Feelings didn’t make money or please fans or impress label executives.

Y/N had a small smile on her face, one that told Harry that she heard him and understood him and loved him. “Thank you for telling me that,” she said.

Harry nodded. “It’s never that I don’t want to tell you,” he shrugged his shoulder, wiping at his eyes once more to remove any trace of his tears. “It’s just that it hasn’t been a big part of my life. No one has really cared before what I feel--besides maybe my mum.”

“I know,” she spoke quietly, letting her hand trace a pattern on the fabric of his pants.

“I feel like I just learned on the road that I had to not let things get to me and just move on and make do if I wanted to be successful.”

Y/N nodded, she’d suspected that was the cause. “It might have made you successful on the road but it won’t make you successful in life.”

Harry rolled his eyes a bit--he wished she wasn’t right but he knew she was. He looked up at her for a second. Her face was soft and gentle and sweet, just like it always was.

It seemed strange to him, really, that Y/N would sit here and listen and care about what he said. Even when he’d pissed her off this morning, even when he’d gotten sick and had been crying on the floor of his ground floor bathroom. “I’m sorry--it’s just hard. It’s hard to have so many feelings and it’s hard to talk about them when you’re not used to it.”

“I love you,” she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “Even when it’s hard.”

Harry never expected it to be easy. He didn’t expect his first real relationship to be a walk in the park. He knew that he loved Y/N and he knew that she made him a better person. He’d just never had someone so committed to loving every part of him. The good, the bad, and the difficult.

“I love you too,” he said. “Sorry I can be a bit of a twat.”

Y/N let out a fully bellied laugh at this, her eyes crinkled at the corner and she pushed herself up off the floor, reaching her arms out to help him up. “You’re more than just a bit of a twat. But I love you anyway.”

#harry styles drabble #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles y/n #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles concept #harry styles story #harry styles angst #angsty harry styles image #harry styles blurb #harry styles request

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magnoliasinbloom · 6 years

Text

Lullaby

AO3 :: Previously

Chapter 3

I needed a friend.

I hadn’t told anyone except Frank that I was pregnant. He would be busy preparing for the start of term in January, and with the added situation of the pregnancy, time was catching up to us. I had texted him about booking a doctor’s appointment for myself, to make sure everything was alright with my health and that of the baby. I could work around his class schedule so he could come with me to the doctor’s. I hadn’t heard back yet.

I tossed and turned another night, contemplating who I could tell first—even before my parents. Mary and Louise from school? My friends would undoubtedly be on my side, supportive and caring. And of course Jamie, whom I had known even longer than the girls. I hadn’t seen Jamie since before that fateful day I took the test. His family had spent Christmas with the MacKenzies in Edinburgh, but he should be back at Lallbybroch.

Our friendship was so easy, so comfortable; we went naturally at each other’s side, like breathing. He was my safe harbor; the only one I felt could put the earth back beneath my feet. I was afraid he would be disappointed in me, even more so than my parents’ opinion. I didn’t want to see anything in his eyes that told me I had let him down.

Jamie and Frank’s relationship had cooled off even more in the past year, although they’d never been especially close. Since Frank and I had started going out, Jamie had been distant with him, whenever the three of us were together. He didn’t understand my infatuation with Frank, but refrained from making an outright comment about it. I could only tell from the way his blue eyes tightened at the corners and the set of his mouth. But it was enough so that I was aware of his vague disapproval. And now I was pregnant.

I finally gave up on sleep around five. I grabbed my mobile, and thought about Jamie. It was early, but he was probably awake. His whole family were early risers; probably because of growing up on the Lallybroch farm. I was a night owl myself. Even if he was pitching hay for the shaggy coos to help his father out or running through medical textbooks, he’d still have his mobile on him.

The line beeped twice before he picked up. Jamie’s voice was alert, considering the hour I had chosen to call—I’d been right about his early bird tendencies.

“Hey, Sassenach! How are ye?” Jamie’s nickname for me was endearing; he could also call Frank a sassenach, but not in the same tone.

“Hey yourself. Farm-handing or studying?” I ran my hands quickly through the riot of curls on my head, tucking loose strands behind my ear. I curled my feet beneath me, settling in for the conversation.

“Aye. It looks like one of the mares is about to foal verra soon.” I could hear sheep bleating in the background. “How come ye’re up so early? Or have ye not actually been to bed yet?”

“You got me. I’ve gotten my days and nights a bit reversed. I’m sorry to interrupt, though—I could call back later.” And postpone telling you for as long as I can.

“No, not at all. I was just about to head in for breakfast. Yes, at this ungodly hour,” Jamie chuckled, anticipating my next comment.

“Jamie, I’m pregnant.”

“Ye’re what?” His voice went up almost a full octave—not an easy feat.

“Pregnant. As in, I’ll be up to my neck in nappies and bottles and crying in about nine months’ time.” I studied my fingernails, unable to lift my head, even though he couldn’t see me.

A pause. Then I heard him sigh into the phone. “Och. Alright. How are ye really, Sassenach?”

One of those inexplicable mood swings hit me and another barrage of tears I had been holding back ever since the stupid test went positive broke through my composure. Jamie wasn’t berating me, he was worried about me.

“I don’t know,” I managed to choke out. “Okay, I guess. Dealing.” I couldn’t stop crying now that a huge weight had been lifted off my chest.

“Shhh, Claire. It’s alright. God, I… I wish I could be there with ye right now. I ken… och, I suppose I don’t need to ask who the father is. Frank?”

“Yes, Frank’s the father.”

“Does he ken yet?”

“Yes, he kens, James Fraser. Believe it or not, he’s standing by me. We’re doing this together.” I breathed hard. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. Sorry.”

“Why are ye apologizing? Ye’re under an immense amount of pressure, something I dinna even understand. No, I’m the one who’s sorry Sassenach, for implying—” He cut himself off, exhaling.

“Don’t worry about it.” I sniffled and laughed weakly. “Can’t say I blame you. You’ve never really liked Frank.”

“Sassenach, he’s yer choice. Whatever my opinions are, it doesna signify. What matters to me is you. Can I do anything for ye, do yer parents ken, too?

“I have not gotten around to telling Mum and Dad quite yet, thank you very much. I’m waiting for the right moment. Preferably one where I can be sure they won’t suffer heart attacks.”

I lay back on the bed, nestling the mobile closer to my ear. Jamie’s voice, soothing and gentle, was telling me not to be afraid, that I was one of the bravest people he knew. I snorted at that. He went on, telling me that he was there for me, and always would be. He offered everything he could think of—from money to his own presence when I told my parents. I declined, tired of telling him everything was fine. Just plain tired…

“Sassenach? Claire?” Jamie’s voice brought me back from the brink of sleep. My eyes refocused, the grey light of dawn peeking through the curtains. I caught a glimpse of my amber eyes on the vanity mirror opposite me. I looked haggard and careworn.

“Sorry,” I yawned. “I think it’s bedtime for me. Is it six already?”

“Aye, ‘tis late. For ye, anyway.” Jamie laughed softly. “Go, get some sleep. Ye need it, both of ye now.”

My heart skipped erratically, hearing that last part. The blush he was fond of triggering for his own amusement stained my cheeks. I smiled.

“Sure. Talk to you soon. And Jamie?”

“Aye?”

“Thanks.”

#outlander #outlander fanfic #jamie and claire #lullaby 3 #i'll be updating a lot this weekend

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helloalycia · 6 years

Text

good news [two] // alycia debnam-carey

summary: Alycia leaves to film The 100 and you find a way to constantly stay in touch.

warning/s: none.

one | three | masterlist

Alycia left for filming within a month, as she'd said. It was a month of me literally spending every moment I could with her because I knew I'd miss her too much when she'd leave. We'd lived together for 2 years and in those 2 years, she'd only ever left a handful of times for roles, and never long enough to make me miss her too much.

But this was different. This part was the first proper part she had that was on an already established, successful show. It was important to her, so it was important to me. When she was gone though, I had to stop myself from wanting to ring her every two seconds. There were times when I couldn't fight it unfortunately.

"Y/N!"

I grinned when Alycia's face enlarged on my phone. "Alycia! Hey! I'm not disturbing you, am I?"

She shook her head, a toothy smile on her lips. "No, I'm on my break. I was actually just about to FaceTime you!"

I chuckled. "Great minds think alike." She rolled her eyes playfully as I asked, "So what's with the weird eye makeup? Smoky eye gone wrong?"

Another eye roll. "It's my costume, idiot."

I laughed at her suppressed smile. She had her hair pulled back into a half-up, half-braids do, and swiped across her eyes was some sort of black face paint. This 'Lexa' character must have been something.

"How is this the first time I've seen your costume?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows. "You're well into filming now."

She'd been gone almost two and a half months now, yet I'd only ever caught her on FaceTime when she was at her hotel or when she was about to get into costume. It wasn't always FaceTime calls either – that was a luxury. It was usually texts (which she didn't enjoy) and phone calls.

She sighed, offering a small, apologetic smile. "I've been pretty busy, Y/N, sorry."

I realised I'd made her feel bad and that definitely wasn't my intention. "Aly, I didn't mean it like that. I know you're busy and that's okay! I'm thrilled for you and this part. It's huge!"

Her shoulders relaxed, betraying any pent up tension she must have had. "Thank you. Now... how are you? How are things back home?"

I glanced around our flat from my position on the couch, before shrugging and looking back to a knowing Alycia. "Alright. It's not messy, I've not died from starvation and nothing has burned."

Alycia laughed, making me smile at the sound.

"Glad to know everything's still intact," she teased, flashing me a smile, making my stomach do somersaults.

"How is everything over there? You got anything to share about this new character of yours?"

She knew I'd caught up on her show The 100 since she'd left and I was eager to have spoilers for the second season, but she was reluctant to share anything.

She pursed her lips and glanced up, thinking, probably to what she could spoil. A bright smile filled the screen as she realised something.

"There's one thing, actually," she pointed out. "I can't say what exactly–" this earned a pout from me, "–but I can say that there's something about my character that you're really gonna love."

"Alycia!" I complained like a child. "You can't tease like that."

She smirked playfully and honestly I didn't know if it was the dark Lexa makeup or what, but I had to look away because I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"You'll love it," she promised, adding what I thought was a flirty wink, but was most likely just me projecting my feelings on her actions.

It was calls like this that became a rare occurrence between us both. Timing was off, with our conflicting schedules busying us, so sometimes we'd have to work with what time we had.

For example, there was one time when I was getting ready for a party in my bedroom when she called. I was already running low on time, but I missed her too much to ignore the call, so I answered.

"Aly." I smiled, noticing her makeup-free face and messy hair. She must have just finished a shoot.

She returned the smile. "Hey, love. How are you?"

I rested my phone on my desk, leaning it against the wall so it was focused on me, before moving back to my bed to pick an outfit.

"I'm doing good," I called out whilst choosing a shirt. "How about you?"

As I held the shirt against my torso in my mirror, I heard her reply. "I'm good! A little tired, but glad I have some free time for the evening. I thought we could chat or something, but I take it you're busy?"

I turned around and lowered the shirt, smiling guiltily at the camera. "Sorry, Alycia, I don't mean to be rude. I'm just trying to find an outfit for this party I'm going to..."

She perked up a little. "Party?"

I hummed in agreement and tested out another shirt in the mirror to see how it looked. "Yeah. It's just some dumb frat party I was invited to. Nothing big."

As I decided on my flannel and ripped jeans, I heard Alycia say, "But you hate parties."

I chuckled and pulled off my shirt. I didn't mind changing in front of her since she was my best friend and I'd practically seen her naked after I'd accidentally walked in on her in the shower when she forgot to lock the door in our earlier months of friendship.

"Yes, but I have literally not left this flat aside from uni and work since you left and I need something to do." I changed into my clothes and headed back to my mirror to see if I liked it. "I'm bored without you here, Aly, what can I say?"

I smiled when I actually liked what I saw. I'd curled my hair earlier and was yet to put some jewellery on, but for now, I thought I looked pretty good.

"Okay, well have fun, Y/N," she said adorably, forcing me to turn around and see her smiling a little. "Be safe, okay? And don't do anything stupid, not that you will, but still."

I chuckled. "Gee, thanks, grandma."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah, I get it, I'm a spoil sport."

I stifled a laugh as I went back to the mirror to see whether I should tuck in my shirt or not.

"Okay, how long are you gonna be?" she asked dramatically. "I've seen your arse like five times now. Could at least look at your phone, hm."

I laughed and looked over my shoulder. "What can I say, Alycia? It's a nice ass!"

I moved forward to pick up my phone and managed to catch a quick image of a flustered Alycia. I was surprised since she rarely got embarrassed that easily.

"Whatever...," she mumbled, avoiding looking at the camera.

"You didn't deny it," I teased further, and when she looked up, I winked for added effect.

The camera quality was good enough for me to see a faint pink blush forming on her cheeks. That was enough to make me grin at how easily flustered she got.

"Come on, I can talk for a little longer before I need to leave," I said, giving her a reassuring smile. I jumped onto my bed before looking at her beautiful face. "Tell me how your day was, Leashy."

Conversations like this were shared more frequently closer to her arrival back home which made it easier for me personally. It wasn't abnormal for me to miss her as much as I did. It was just, when you get used to someone's presence for so long, it's odd and unusual when they suddenly just leave. I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to it really, but that was a thought for another time.

Alycia returned after three and a half months and I couldn't have been more thrilled. She needed to be picked up from the airport, but I had other plans.

"I'm in a lecture then, but Maia offered to give you a lift!"

Terrible excuse, I know, but she was too tired to argue so she went with it. In reality, I had set up a small welcome home party for her, consisting of Maia, Marny and Laura, (some of her friends in the industry), and her mum. Her mum had wanted to fly in for her return which was where I got the idea to do the little party. She supported the idea and agreed to surprise her daughter of her presence, too.

So that's where I found myself the Friday afternoon when her flight was coming in. Alycia's friends were helping me set out the food and drink (just some nibbles here and there, along with some wine) whilst her mum was prepping some chicken for tonight's dinner. She'd insisted, so who was I to stop her?

In no time, Maia had sent me a text, letting me know that they were walking up to our flat now. We all got into position and waited for the door to open.

"...she wanted to be here, Alycia, but she said it was an important lecture..."

Everyone grinned to themselves as they heard Alycia and Maia chatting as they opened the door. I could hear Alycia fiddling with the lock and it took a lot of self-control for me not to rush up to the door and open it to give her a giant hug. I was shaking with excitement – I missed her so much!

After what felt like forever, the door finally opened and Alycia had stumbled in the doorway with her suitcase.

"Surprise!"

We all stood up from behind the couch, grins plastered on our faces.

"Oh my god," Alycia got out between smiles. Her eyes looked between us all as she said, "Hi!"

I laughed and was the first to make a move forward. Her eyes lit up at my presence which made me grin, and I pulled her in for a hug.

"Welcome home, Aly," I mumbled into her shoulder before pulling back.

"Y/N, oh my god! I thought you had a lecture!"

"All a lie to set this up for you," Maia butted in from behind, a cheeky smile on her lips. "Sweet, right?"

Alycia chuckled and met my eyes. They were gleaming. "Right."

I waved my hand dismissively. "It's nothing, I just missed you is all. Now. Stop being rude and say hello to your other guests, Aly!"

She shot me a playful smile before moving on to her mother.

"Mum, you never told me you were coming!" she rushed out as she pulled her mum in for a hug.

"It wouldn't have been a surprise then, would it?" her mum teased, before kissing her daughter on the cheek. "I missed you, honey."

Alycia relaxed. "I missed you, too."

After reacquainting herself with Laura and Marny, the six of us took to the living-room to hear everything about Alycia's time away. She hadn't seen Maia, Laura and Marny in a while, even since before she left for her work, so she also took the time catching up with them. I didn't mind listening in to all of their conversations – I was thrilled that Alycia was back and happy and safe.

"I'm gonna go grab some water," I said, before standing up. "Anyone want anything?"

Everyone shook their heads, but Laura added, "I'll come with you."

The two of us headed to the kitchen, myself grabbing a glass of water.

"Looks like your little surprise was a success," Laura commented, offering a smile.

I smiled, too, taking a sip of my water. I glanced over Laura's shoulder to where Alycia was sitting. She was listening intently to whatever story Marny was telling, her lips pursed in thought.

"Yeah, I guess so," I agreed, looking back to Laura. "Thanks again for coming on such short notice."

She shook her head dismissively. "Of course. It's been a while since I've visited Alycia. She seems to be doing well with the upcoming roles she's got. First this, then Fear The Walking Dead. It's amazing for her."

I furrowed my brows with confusion. "What? Fear The Walking Dead?"

Laura nodded. "The new role she landed? Didn't she tell you about it?"

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I looked to Alycia again. "Erm, no, she didn't."

Laura shot me a reassuring smile. "Don't worry too much about it. I'm sure she was waiting for the right moment."

I nodded, though I did feel a little hurt she'd kept the news from me. We told each other everything... why hadn't she told me this?

"Come on, we should get back to them," Laura caught my attention again. "God knows what'll happen if we leave the Australians to themselves."

I cracked a smile as she laughed at her own joke, before following her and joining the others again. When I sat down, Alycia's eyes flickered to me and she sent me a tired smile. I realised how exhausted she must have been since returning from her flight. It was an early flight she'd taken, which had been delayed in itself. She would have been awake for at least ten hours. Flying was tiring for anyone.

"Guys, I appreciate you all showing up on such short notice," I thanked everyone when a short silence formed, "but maybe we should leave Alycia to get some rest."

The others nodded, but Alycia was shaking her head. "No, I'm fine, honestly! You can stay!"

I stifled a chuckle as the others laughed at her obvious exhausted expression.

"We should get going anyway, Leashy," Marny reassured her. "We'll check in on you soon, okay?"

Alycia frowned but was too tired to argue. "Okay. Thank you for coming."

The girls bid Alycia, her mum and I a goodbye before leaving.

"Come on, let's get you to bed, Aly," I mumbled, helping her up off the couch.

"Wake me for dinner!" she said, though her eyes were barely staying open.

"Whatever you say, honey," her mum laughed, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She looked to me, adding, "Get her to bed or she will literally fall asleep standing up."

I smiled. "Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised."

I helped Alycia to her room and the older girl flopped onto her bed, instantly fighting to get under the covers.

"Not even gonna change, hm?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

She mumbled an inaudible response, making me chuckle. I tucked her in and leaned down, seeing her eyes were already closed. I'd have to ask her about her new role tomorrow.

"I promise I'll help clean up later...," she mumbled tiredly.

I rolled my eyes. "Get some rest, Alycia. Goodnight." I leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

She didn't reply, so I left her room and clicked the door shut behind me.

Miss Debnam-Carey and I chose not to wake up Alycia that evening for dinner, since she was fast asleep and unmoving. Instead, we ate dinner together, (it wasn't as awkward as you'd think because we had spoken and met on enough occasions for it not to be), and saved Alycia some for tomorrow.

Her mother slept in my room, which I'd cleaned and put out fresh sheets for her. I took to the couch which had an (uncomfortable) pull-out bed that I would never think to subject Alycia's mum to for the few days she was here for.

I woke up the next morning to the pressure of someone sitting beside my head. I yawned as I turned around, forcing my eyes open tiredly.

"Hey, sleepy head," Alycia's voice rang out. I realised she was sitting beside me, leaning back against the couch.

I sighed before forcing myself to sit up beside her. I noticed she was eating from a plate of pancakes.

"You didn't have to sleep here, y'know," she pointed out. "Mum could've shared room with me."

I rubbed my eyes to rid my tiredness before responding. "It's okay. I'm sure she'd do anything not to share bed with you."

Alycia rolled her eyes playfully before nudging me with her elbow.

"Y/N, honey, good morning!" Miss Debnam-Carey's cheery voice called from the kitchen. "You can go get ready and a plate of pancakes will be waiting here for you when you come back."

I mumbled a tired 'thank you' before purposely shoving Alycia out the way to get out of bed. She laughed as I groggily made my way to the bathroom. I showered and got ready quickly enough, soon finding myself at the kitchen island eating pancakes.

"These are amazing, thank you," I told Alycia's mum with a grateful smile.

She smiled in return, but didn't get chance to respond because I dropped my fork, startled when Alycia wrapped her arms around me from behind.

"Alycia, what on Earth...?" I asked, though I rested my hands on hers with a smile.

"I missed you," she mumbled into my neck.

I breathed out before turning around and pulling her in for a proper hug. "I missed you, too."

When she pulled away, I saw her mum leave for the bathroom over her shoulder and took this as my chance to ask what had been in my mind all night.

"Alycia, did you get another job opportunity on a new show?" I came right out with it, making her knit her eyebrows together with confusion. "Fear The Walking Dead?"

When she realised what I was talking about, she tensed up.

I frowned a little. "Alycia, that's amazing and I'm so proud of you, but why didn't you tell me?"

She tensed her jaw guiltily before taking a seat on the stool beside me.

"Look, I wanted to tell you, but I was waiting for the right time," she explained, avoiding my eyes. "I found out a few weeks ago. I got a call on set from my manager."

I nodded.

"I was supposed to ring you straight away, like I always do, but I felt bad because I was already away for filming and I didn't want to make you feel horrible about me possibly leaving again."

I shook my head, resting a hand on her knee. She looked up.

"Alycia, no, I don't want you to feel bad about that!" I told her, feeling guilty that it was my feelings that had stopped her sharing this amazing news. "I'm a big girl, I can handle some time without you." I offered a teasing smile. "I'm happy for you. This is huge."

She smiled with relief. "It is... It's a big role. I'm part of the main cast."

I widened my eyes with surprise. "That's even better!"

She grinned.

"Come here, idiot." I pulled her in for another hug, this time not letting go. "I'm so proud of you, Aly. You don't even know."

When she pulled away, she said, "The writers aren't sure if they're filming in L.A. or not, but there's a high chance they will be which means I may not be leaving to film. I'll be here."

The thought of her staying here made my stomach do somersaults.

"Even if you left, it would be okay," I reassured her. "And never hide something so big from me, okay? You deserve this."

Her eyes sparkled with happiness. "Thank you."

#alycia debnam carey #alycia debnam carey imagine #alycia debnam carey x reader

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alltheloveflowerh · 6 years

Text

Lie Detector Test ( III )

Part One

Part Two

At first there was silence; Harry was reading his letter. And then everything became a mess, and the silence was gone.

His chest tightened, for a few seconds he wasn’t breathing, as if his lungs were begging for oxygen but there simply wasn’t any. And then the breaths came; loud, shaky breaths in the form of sobs. With each sob his lungs hurt more as if there was no more space in his suddenly small rib cage. The lump in the back of his throat grew harder and more painful as tears started to form and fall down his cheeks.

His mind became a dangerous place. It was like a cloud, a dark and heavy cloud, overshadowing the light, all misty and foggy. Thoughts that made no sense, the horror of the situation she went through, all stuck in his head. It was playing tricks on him, because he wasn’t aware of what he was doing until all he heard were shouts and all he saw was red. Shocking himself because the shouts - Why? Why?! - were his and his fist was covered in the colour red.

After his shouts toned down, he became aware of his sisters presence and he could hear Gemma’s yelling, the panic in her voice and the terror in her eyes. Calling out for her little brother, who was breaking down right in front of her eyes. She still didn’t know what was happening but she knew that it was bad.

Harry was sat down on the couch while Gemma was sat on the coffee table in front of him, with a medical kit next to her right and Harry’s knuckles in her lap, they didn’t seem broken but there was a lot of blood.

‘‘You can’t bloody act like this, Harry!’’ She was worried sick, because Harry was never the person to impulsively act like that.

‘‘I’m sorry for scaring you, Gem..’‘ He sincerely apologised, his eyes fixed on the papers that were still lying on the floor.

‘‘You didn’t scare me, I was scared for you.’‘ She said quietly. Gemma didn’t want to make him talk, but she wanted to know what it was that had almost caused her brother to have a mental breakdown. ‘‘What is it? Should I call mum?’‘

‘‘I was supposed be a dad.’‘ Was.

‘‘No, Harry...Oh my.’‘ She tied a knot around his hand and quickly put her hand around her brother’s shoulders, holding him tightly. His next words confirming her thoughts.

‘‘She had a miscarriage.’‘ His voice was quiet, not wanting to hear and say that word ever again. His love, his baby.

‘‘I’m so sorry, H. I’m so sorry..’‘ Gemma kept repeating those words; she couldn’t imagine what they were going through, she just wanted to be there for both of them.

As the day went on, she made sure to be around Harry, for his own comfort. Several times he just put his hand around her, hiding his face into her shoulder, mumbling words that made no sense. Gemma had to inform their mother about the situation, who immediately packed her bags to catch the next train going to London.

---

Around eight in the evening Harry told Gemma he was going for a walk, alone. At first she didn’t want him to go alone, but their mum was supposed to be there in a few hours as well, so Gemma thought that clearing his head was going to be a good idea.

Y/N, on the other hand, spent that whole day cleaning her place. Alex tried to make her sit down and rest but Y/N wasn’t having any of it, so by seven in the evening she kicked Alex out. They made a deal that Alex was going to stay with her for the next two weeks but she did not need to be with her twenty-four-seven.

She was doing everything and anything just to keep her mind preoccupied. After cleaning her whole place, she did some emails, tried reading several books but failed; she’s done everything, but nothing was working. Her mind kept repeating the previous day. It’s not that she wanted to forget about it as soon as possible; there was just way too much pain and she just wanted to feel okay again. She found herself thinking about the baby, what eye colour would it have had, its hair colour; would it have been curly?

From time to time, she found herself crying, caught up in her own imaginary world with a healthy baby, all snuggled up on the couch while holding onto a fluffy pillow. It was quite late and she was half asleep when her doorbell rang. When she opened the door she saw Harry standing in front of it.

‘‘I brought a cat.’‘ He extended his arms out, and there in fact was a cat in his hands. A white cat with black little patches and a black little spot under her mouth. It was his mum’s cat, Evie. He was holding it rather sloppy, but the cat just meowed at a stunned Y/N.

‘‘What? Why- Ho-’‘ she shook her head at him, ‘‘I’m not even gonna ask.’‘

‘‘Look!’‘ He brought the cat closer to her head, ‘‘It’s a cat.’‘

‘‘Yes, love, I know it’s a cat.’‘ She took the cat slowly out of his hands and placed it in her arms, close to her chest. ‘‘But what are you doing here, Harry?’‘

‘‘I don’t know..’’ He shifted his weight from one leg to another, and almost fell, tripping over his own feet because of his drunken state. ‘‘I just-’‘ He didn’t know what to say, he just knew he missed her and wanted to be around her and not alone.

‘‘I just miss you, angel.’‘ His voice was low but his words were slurred. He looked up to meet her eyes, seeing Evie cuddled up against her chest. ‘‘Heyyy-’‘ Harry leaned forward, almost knocking both of the down before he caught something to hold onto. ‘‘Why do you always get all the attention?’‘ He said, pointing at Y/N’s chest. It seemed like he was arguing with the cat.

Harry didn’t look well, his face had sadness written all over it. Y/N also noticed his hand covered in bandage, and on top of that he was drunk as well. I just miss you, angel - the sentence kept repeating itself in her already full mind. She hated seeing him in this state, this drunken sad state. Y/N knew that whenever Harry would get drunk he was overly happy and giggly, but this, was something different. His head was hanging low, glancing up at her every now and then, slouched against the wall, just staying in the complete silence occasionally replaced by Evie’s meows.

‘‘How about you come in, yeah?’‘ Y/N softly asked him, placing the cat in one hand while gently taking his one pulling him inside. ‘‘We don’t want you to catch a cold, do we now?’‘ Harry simply nodded and slowly walked inside her apartment. He was walking as if he had two left legs, but then again he was drunk off his ass.

She walked Harry over to the couch and sat him down, while she went to the kitchen to get him some water and Jaffa Cakes, because he loved those. When she returned, Harry was already nestled in the spot where she previously was before he showed up. His knees were raised almost up his chest, a blanket covering his whole body and Evie nuzzled in the crock of his neck. His eyes were closed, but she knew he wasn’t sleeping. Y/N sat down on the floor in front of him, caressing his cheek with her thumb.

‘‘How are you feeling?’‘ She asked him, worrying that he might be feeling sick considering the amount of alcohol flowing through his body.

‘‘I don’t know...’‘ He whispered, ‘‘I’m sorry for disappointing you.’‘

‘‘You didn’t disappoint me, H. I don’t even know why you would say that.’‘

‘‘I’m drunk and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.’‘ He looked at her, ashamed of himself; she’s going through much worse and yet he’s the one that’s drunk.

‘‘I would have been drunk too if I wasn’t too scared of everything at this point.’‘ A sarcastic chuckle left her lips.

‘‘Why are you scared?’‘ He propped himself up on his elbow, confused, pouting a little bit with his bottom lip

‘‘How did you end up here, H?’‘ She asked him, not wanting to answer his question.

‘‘I told Gemma I was gonna go for a walk, but I ended up getting drunk...’‘ Harry picked Evie up from behind him and cuddled her into the blankets in front of him. ‘‘Gemma called mum, you know, without me knowing,’‘ he looked up at Y/N ‘‘but I heard her tell mum what happened...’‘ he added leaning his head closer to hers so that their foreheads touched.

‘‘Wait, do they know you’re here?’‘ He only shook his head against hers, ‘‘H, you can’t disappear without telling someone. She’s probably worried sick by now.’‘

Y/N got up to get her phone from the kitchen counter, but quickly returned into the previous position, with Harry leaning against her again. She had to text Gemma that her brother was with her.

To Gemma: Hey Gem, just so you don’t have to worry, Harry’s with me :)

From Gemma: Oh my God, I started to freak out because mum’s arrived and he still wasn’t home. Do you want me to come pick him up?

To Gemma: No no, it’s okay, I promise. He is drunk anyways so it would be better if he just stays in one place.

From Gemma: He’s a bloody idiot.. are you sure he isn’t being a mare?

To Gemma: Promise, really :). Don’t worry, okay? I’ll take care of him. Also, he’s somehow snatched your mum’s cat? Evie? Because she’s in my apartment as well...

‘‘Hey, Harry..’‘ Y/N looked up from her phone as, Harry hummed in response, ‘‘How did you steal Evie from your mum?’‘

‘‘Oh, no I didn’t steal it from her.’‘ His head moved down to her shoulder, and he mumbled against her skin, ‘‘She gave Evie to me when we, when we broke up... Said I was lonely, so she’s been with me ever since.’‘ Oh, Y/N thought.

She saw Gemma messaged her again, so she quickly responded before looking back at Harry.

From Gemma: I thought the blood cat got lost in this stupid mansion! Bloody hell, he’s a fucking idiot.. If he causes you some trouble, you call us, okay? Mum asked if it’s okay if we come by in the morning, btw

To Gemma: We’re gonna be alright :). And of course it’s okay. See you in the morning. xx

‘‘Do you want to go to sleep, love?’‘ She turned her body to face Harry, who looked already as if he was asleep on her shoulder. ‘‘Pup?’‘ She whispered, playing with his hair. Harry only shook his head. ‘‘Do you wanna stay on the couch?’‘

‘‘Can I keep Evie?’‘ It almost looked like he was sleep talking.

‘‘Of course, love.’‘ She chuckled at his silliness.

Y/N went upstairs to get another blanket for Harry while he stayed passed out on the couch. She was scared to fall asleep that night, but she didn’t want to think about it too much. When she returned Harry was still sound asleep, so she slowly put the blanket over him and tucked him in before going back upstairs.

For Y/N, nights were usually the worst part, no matter the situation; night time meant complete silence where her thoughts were let free to roam and cause the damage that was avoided throughout the day. And her first night away from the hospital, was going to be hell, sleepless, tiring and way too quite for her liking; at least she thought. Her night was quiet and overwhelming, all until the door of her bedroom opened revealing a sleepy but sad Harry, again with a cat in his hands.

‘‘I miss you.’‘ Harry mumbled, walked towards her bed and just sat down on the edge of it. ‘‘I don’t wanna sleep on the couch, I don’t wanna sleep at all.’‘

‘‘You need your sleep, pup. If you don’t sleep your hangover will be even worse..’‘ She got up, moving closer to him, running her hand up and down his back.

‘‘But if, if I fall asleep, t-t-then I’ll be wasting my time with you, because I will be asleep.’‘ He turned around facing her, he was on the verge of crying. ‘‘Can I stay here, please? I promise I won’t make a sound, I-I just really miss you.’‘

‘‘My love..’‘ Y/N moved so close to him that her hands were around his waist, holding him and kissing one spot on his neck over and over again. ‘‘C’here, lay down with me, yeah?’‘

‘‘I-I-, really? B-But you-’‘

‘‘Please, my love.. I-I just don’t want to be alone and I’ve m-missed you too.’‘ She wasn’t using Harry, but she also didn’t want to be alone. Y/N hated being alone, because for three years she’s shared a bed with the love of her life, and then suddenly she was alone for over three months.

‘‘Okay, okay.’‘ He said as he quickly got up, taking his pants off and going under the blankets all under 20 seconds. Y/N could only smile at his eagerness because she felt the same way, she just wanted to be held by him again.

‘‘Evie, you go here.’‘ Harry picked the cat up putting her in the spot in front of his legs. ‘‘And Y/N you go here.’‘ He patted her pillow which he was already laying his head on. A cheeky smile was on his face and it reminder her of her Harry back when he all he would do is cuddle and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. ‘’Imma put a baby in you, don’t you worry, we will be okay. Promise you, baby.’’ He slurred his words before drifting off.

That night was the first time in a while she’s slept through the whole night without disruptions. They were cuddled up on her bed, with Evie laying between them. It was the first peaceful sleep in the last four months. But when they woke up it was a completely different story.

Harry’s groans weren’t exactly what Y/N wanted to hear first thing in the morning. And Evie putting her paws over Y/N’s head wasn’t the first thing she wanted to wake up to. Evie wanted to pee and Harry was hangover.

They all went downstairs, Y/N somehow convinced Evie to pee in the bathtub as she didn’t have any sand or a garden because she was living in an apartment without pets. Harry on the hand was grumpy and scared. After feeding the cat with some food, both Harry and Y/N were standing on opposite sides of the counter.

‘‘Hii..’‘ He didn’t know how to start the conversation.

‘‘Morning.’‘ Y/N gave him a little smile, scratching her arm nervously. Neither of them knew what to do.

‘‘I’m sorry if I caused you s-some trouble last night. But it was the only time I grew a pair to actually visit you..’‘ Harry looked at her shyly, knowing that he was the one that broke up but he did regret it immediately.

‘‘It’s okay, you’re fine.’‘ The silence between them was awkward. ‘‘I’m-I’m sorry that I was a coward and couldn’t face you and tell you.. you know, that.’‘

‘‘No, no, I’m not mad, I promise. But I did wish you told me that you were pregnant, rather than finding out when..’‘ He stopped himself, not wanting to finish the sentence because he would start crying for the millionth time in the last twentyfour hours.

‘‘I didn’t know, Harry. I didn’t know I was pregnant, until I saw blood streaming down my legs.’‘ Frustration was growing inside her.

‘‘You-You didn’t know? Wait, really?’‘ He didn’t know much about the process of pregnancies, but he knew that the first trimester is when the pregnancy is discovered, right?

‘‘You might have broken up with me Harry, but at least you would have deserved to know you were going to have a kid.’‘ She was mad, but his next question made her livid.

‘‘Oh.. but it was mine?’‘ Even Harry wasn’t sure why he asked that question, but he wasn’t exactly thinking.

‘‘Yes, Harry. It’s not like I went and fucked everything that breaths the second you broke up with me. Of course it was fucking yours.’‘ In all honesty, Y/N wanted to punch him for even thinking something like that. He might have not known that she wasn’t aware of the pregnancy either but at least he should have known that there was no one for Y/N, except him. Before she could leave him in the kitchen alone, he caught her wrist pulling her closer to him.

‘‘No, wait, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’‘ Harry wanted to hug her, but she wasn’t having any of it.

‘‘Just get off of me. Your mother and sister will probably be here soon, so I have go change.’‘ She wanted to shake his hands off of her, but he held her so tightly that she couldn’t escape.

‘‘Baby, baby, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. I swear.’‘ He hid his head in the crook of her neck, while his hand went around her waist pulling her into him more. ‘‘I love you so much, I’m sorry.’‘ He missed her so much, her touch, her hug, her kisses, her tiny body that just perfectly fit his own whenever they were spooning. ‘‘Forgive me, please.’‘

‘‘Let me just change, okay?’‘ She said, after giving him a quick but short hug, he was being a bit of a dick after all.

‘‘Will you forgive me? Not just for those stupid questions...’‘ Harry looked at her with hope in his eyes. ‘‘I love you, Y/N..'’

‘‘Honestly? I don’t know, H.’‘ Sighing sadly, she continued, ‘‘You did quite a number on me, breaking this off like that? For what, exactly?’‘

‘‘I admit I was stupid, God, Y/N you know I’m stupid sometimes... I regretted it the second the words left my mouth.’‘ Did it seem like a bunch of excuses? Yes, but it was true. ‘‘I convinced myself that the relationship wasn’t good when in all honestly I felt like I wasn’t enough for you..’‘

‘‘I need some time to think, Harry... My whole mind is a mess and I just can’t think straight, right now.’‘ It felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders, not sure why, but probably with the thought that things might work out between gave her some hope too.

‘‘That’s okay, we have time. We have all the time of this world.’‘ He tried reassure her. ‘‘As long as I have you back, I will wait.’’

The rest of the day went smoothly; Alex, Gemma and Anne joined them later and Y/N felt loved for once in her life. She had all the people that mattered to her in one place, and she felt happy that she had them. They were, after all, family. Anne was there comforting her about the whole situation, telling her that she knows she’s strong and that they can go through anything. Gemma and Alex were there as any friend would be. And Harry? Even the simplest gestures made her heart flutter; whether it was just squeezing her hand while Y/N talked or those little smiles he would send her whenever she glanced at him. The feeling of grieve for the baby was present, between all of them, but they had each other so at least they were sharing the same pain.

---

A week later, Harry accompanied Y/N to the hospital for her check up. At first, she didn’t want him to go with her as their conversations were still at a minimum because Y/N still needed time, but it felt unfair to him so she let him. So they were both in a hospital room, waiting patiently for the doctor to come while Y/N was laying down on the bed with Harry standing next to her. The bed Y/N was laying on wasn’t the usual bed, it was the one with those extendable thingys used to put ones feet on so the doctor could examine a woman’s private parts before doing an ultrasound. Y/N was fine with it as she already went through that process, but Harry was on edge, not knowing how to feel about someone looking between Y/N’s legs.

As the doctor came inside the room, and it being a male doctor, Harry tugged at Y/N’s hand complaining.

‘‘Tell him to leave and bring a female doctor.’‘

‘‘Harry, stop being difficult.’‘ She shushed him down.

‘‘No! He’s not looking up your vagina, okay? He’s a guy, it’s weird!’‘ He complained like a five year old would.

‘‘Weirder than my ex-boyfriend accompanying me for a check up after I lost his baby?’’ Y/N hissed at him, already annoyed at herself for even letting him go with her.

‘‘Should I give you two a moment?’‘ Doctor Miller asked as he looked at them two bickering.

‘‘No, no, please, let’s just get this over with.’‘ Harry huffed annoyingly at her response.

The check up went just fine; Y/N answered a couple of questions regarding the bleeding she had over the few days, Doctor Miller said that everything was just fine and there was no damage done that would harm any future pregnancies. Harry was annoyed at Y/N and the doctor the whole time, but hearing that it was safe to have babies made him happy, very happy.

After Y/N got dressed, they left the hospital; Harry being eager and happy, he slowly put her hand in his, giving it a soft squeeze. Both of them noticed a couple of paps taking picture but they didn’t care as they climbed into Harry’s car and leaving.

They were sat quietly in the car in the garage inside Y/N’s building, until Harry spoke up.

‘‘Sorry for acting like that, back there... I don’t know what came over me.’‘ Y/N laughed.

‘‘S’all good, love. I was annoyed at you for a bit, but I kinda get it. ‘‘ She looked at him, eyes full of happiness.

‘‘Yeah? Was a bit childish, wasn’t I?’‘ God, she looked beautiful, Harry thought.

‘’Just a tiny bit.’’ She brought her index finger and thumb together with a small space between them. She was smiling, Harry was smiling; it was all good.

‘‘Can I take you out tonight?’‘ He blurted out, ‘‘L-Like a date, I wanna take you on a date...’‘ All of a sudden, Harry felt shy, blushing a little.

‘‘I think I’d love a good old date.’‘ Y/N loved seeing him blush, it was her favourite thing.

‘‘I mean, we gotta get back together somehow, eh?’‘ He raised an eyebrow at her, a smirk on his face, ‘‘After all, we are the power couple, you know, making people weak whenever we’re together.’‘ He teased her.

‘‘Oh my God, that’s not what a power couple means, you idiot.’‘ She was full on laughing at him now, and Harry’s favourite sound was back.

‘‘No? I thought people feel afraid-’‘ Y/N shushed him before he could even continue, crashing her lips against his. Even though she kissed those lips for three years, it still makes her feel like the first time they kissed. Slowly and softly, with so much passion as they moved against each other.

‘‘I love you so fucking much.’‘ She mumbled against his lips. Detaching their lips, she just leaned her forehead against his, nuzzling her nose into his cheeks.

‘‘I love you too, puppy. So much.’‘

extra: after the date + late late

#here it is!#part three!#hope you all enjoy it #please let me know!#and sorry for any mistakes!#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry x reader #harry styles x reader #lie detector test pt 1 #lie detector test pt 2 #lie detector test pt 3

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justinsdaysinthedark · 5 years

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Post #5 - It's time to freeze the kids

There are a few dates throughout this journey I'll bookmark in life. Today I added another.

"Justin, you have lymphoma."

These weren't four words I'd ever planned on hearing in life but unfortunately, today was the day I did.

What does one think? What does one say? How do you process that sentence? Here I was thinking that I'd built myself up enough and got into the right mind frame. Truth be told, nobody will ever be ready to hear the words "you have lymphoma." Not even me...as strong as I have been during the past two months. I wasn't ready. It hit me like a brick wall.

It was Thursday July 25th, 10:30am. The doctors come into my room for the daily check up. I was sitting in my chair for the first time since having my gall bladder out on Tuesday. Adam, my haematology doctor was there as well as his boss, Michael who I'd dealt with in small proportions. I was by myself, expecting them to tell me the only thing I've heard in the process - "we're still waiting on test results..."

Michael took a seat on the bed next to me and it was at that moment my heart skipped a beat. He'd never done this during his visits. I knew something was about to come. "Justin, you have lymphoma." It hit me. I didn't listen to a single thing he said after that. I sat there. Processing it. Stunned. I asked the doctors to come back when I had dad there, so he could help me process it. I message dad and requested he come in straight away.

I sat there and looked into a blank space for the next half an hour. So many questions running through my mind. A trance. It was a trance I hope you or your closest enemy doesn't have to experience. What's the go from here? Where do I go? Why me? Will I survive? How long left do I have? What about my family? How do I tell them? My friends? What do I say? How do I say it? How do I break the news? Is text message okay to some? I don't know.

10:30 - 11:00 was an incredibly hard period for me and a time in life I wish to never experience again. It is what it is, I couldn't change it from here.

Dad soon arrived and I told him as much as I know. I requested the doctors come in and speak to us both, together. I was already in a better mind space with dad. Somebody I knew. Somebody I could cry to. Somebody I love. It would've been an incredibly hard day for him as well....and mum and Courtney.

By this stage. I'm over the shock. It is what it is. I have lymphoma and it's my turn to beat it.

The doctors came in after lunch and Courtney had fortunately arrived as well to take it all in. At this stage, it is just the preliminary results of the gall bladder biopsy that has tested positive for B-cell lymphoma. That's all the doctors needed to know. They were finally able to prove what they suspected from the get go. I have lymphoma in my stomach region and brain. Final results are due in tomorrow (Friday July 26th) and from there we will make a better plan on what my treatment will look like.

One thing was made certain though, it will involve a mix of chemo and another treatment process to target the cancer in brain. It's hard to put into words my emotions throughout the day. I was certain at this point, relief was definitely somewhere. We're there. We finally have an answer. It is something that can be treated. Let's start it ASAP.

One thing first though. One thing I bet you wouldn't be thinking about because I'll tell you what, I certainly didn't. Chemotherapy slows down and can stop sperm production in males which means I'd be infertile and unable to have kids in the future. I had the option to freeze my swimmers for potential future use IF something goes wrong and I do end up infertile. For somebody like me who loves kids and can't wait to have my own, it was a decision I didn't even have to think about twice. Whilst the potential is there that i may be infertile when the time comes, I'd love to have that option to have frozen swimmers there to try and see if that can yield a child or two. Fingers crossed it won't come to this however you just never know. Just as an FYI, the cost of storage equates to roughly $1/day - cheaper than childcare! I do joke of course....but that is a fact.

In short, I'll know more tomorrow and will blog about my treatment once I have a definitive plan in place.

Moving back a few days. I had my gall bladder removed (obviously) on Tuesday morning after anxiously waiting three days. I could go into specifics and a long story however I won't tonight. Surgery went well despite the fact it took longer than expected. The surgeons expected a quick 45 minute operation however two and a half hours later they sewed me up. This was due to a number of reasons, mostly being they had to make more incisions than first expected (5 v 3) and the incisions were larger than they thought. Additionally, they were aiming to get another biopsy sample near my colon which they were unable to find.

All in all, I'm sore and sorry however am improving each day as expected. Sleeping has been difficult...as has getting up, going to the toilet, walking, showering - all the daily tasks.

How am I doing tonight? I'm tired both physically and mentally. It's been an incredibly big day of news and I look forward to sleeping on it and seeing what tomorrow has in store for me.

Before I leave you, I stated at the start of tonight's blog that I bookmarked a few dates. Today was the biggest yet meaning I've only got two more left - the date treatment starts and the date I enter remission. Bring them on.

Juzz xx

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stealth-spiderr · 6 years

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secret’s out // p.p.

another 2k request !! this was from @dorkyparkers who doesn’t use her blog anymore but told me she’d check back to see when i’d posted so here it is bby!! prompt #16 with peter parker ((also i didn’t proofread this rip))

summary // you and Peter Parker have a low key rivalry in class to be the best, and since he’s moved on from Liz leaving his lingering stares are directed elsewhere. Even when he comes crashing down from the rooftops in an alley where you’re walking home

pairing // peter parker x reader

warnings // fluff!!! maybe like two swears??

word count // 3.3k

You and Peter have bumped heads since day one of freshman year. You had always been a top achieving student since first grade and you weren’t about to let this one cute boy beat you. You weren’t cocky, like Flash was, you just wanted to do you best, even if that meant having the tainted goal of being better than Peter Parker.

Since Peter had got his Stark Internship, he’d been slacking off. You hadn’t noticed at first but in the weeks surrounding homecoming he’d even ditched class, you worked even harder knowing it was giving you an advantage. Michelle had even mentioned during a decathalon practice he’d dropped out of some extra curriculars, but again you shrugged it off, thinking it would benefit you so much more. It wasn’t until he’d left his long time crush, Liz, on the dance floor at homecoming you thought there must be something else going on. But you and Peter weren’t exactly what anyone would call friends, so you kept any concerns to yourself. Once the dust had settled after Liz leaving, Peter reverted back to almost normal, but normal enough to shoot his hand up a millisecond before yours to answer questions in class.

“So, you ready for the math test tomorrow?” Peter asks from his locker, two away from yours.

“Born ready, Parker,” you reply.

You weren’t though, the test was on linear regression, which you found difficult to understand. Everything else in math you understood perfectly, or enough to pass a test, but this you just couldn’t grasp.

“Sure about that? ‘Cause I saw you glaring at your calculator for a solid five minutes straight.”

“And you’d have to be watching me for at least five minutes to know that.”

His cheeks turn slightly pink and he turns his head back to his locker. “I just meant a long time, not literally five minutes.”

“Whatever you say, Peter,” you say through a light laugh. “Anyway, have fun at your internship while I actually get some study done.”

You smile at Peter before making your way out of the building and towards the local library. You greet the librarian at the desk, familiar with all the workers there as you drop in most days after school for a few hours. You pick a table near the window and open your notebooks and text book and start working through problems. You lose track of time, but end up satisfied enough that you know what you’re doing with linear regression now that you pack up your stuff.

You shoot a text to your mum that you were on your way home as you leave the library. It’s fairly dim outside, the sky still faintly coloured from the sunset, so you tuck one headphone into your ear to play some music and still be aware of your surroundings while you walked home. Just as you were passing an alley a block from your building a body falls onto the edge of a dumpster and flops to the ground. You let out a scream and nearly fall over from shock but somehow your eyes grow wider as you realise the body is covered in the familiar red and blue suit of Spider-Man.

You quickly scrunch up your headphones and shove them into your bag, not caring about how tangled they’ll be later. You take quick steps to the motionless body of the fallen hero, looking up to see if you can see why he fell. The suit is fitted enough that you can see he’s breathing so you crouch beside him and gently shake his shoulder. You hadn’t seen him this close before, not even during the Washington Monument accident.

“Spider-Man?” you ask hesitantly.

You lean your face over his and can hear that his breaths are strained. Your hand drifts to his neck and you find the edge of the mask, you start to lift it but his hand shoots up and catches your wrist. You let go of the material and hold your other hand up in surrender.

“Sorry,” he mutters, clearing his throat and letting you go. “I’ve got a mask for a reason.”

He tries to sit up but he grunts and drops back down.

“You probably broke something on your way down, you hit the edge of the dumpster,” you inform him.

He pats his hands over his sides, hissing and pulling away from his left side quickly.

“Do you need an ambulance?” you ask, reaching for your phone.

He grabs your hand away from it and shakes his head. “No, I heal fast, I just need a minute then I’ll go home.”

“Do you live far?”

“Maybe 20 minutes away with how slow I’ll have to swing.”

“You can’t swing anywhere, you can’t even sit up. I’m about a block away, just come to my place until you’ve healed enough. I kinda owe you anyway.”

“Owe me?” he questions with almost over the top confusion.

“Uh, yeah, um, those school kids in DC a little while ago. I was one of them.”

“Oh, of course you were. Um, how’s it going?”

“Yeah, fine, I mean I’m not getting thrown into dumpsters.”

He chuckles a little before trying to sit up again, this time succeeding. He shuffles until his back is against the dumpster and he uses it to help him onto his feet. You push up from your crouching position, watching him worriedly and quickly step forward when he starts to sway. You pull one of his left arm over your shoulder and wrap your right arm around his waist and wait until he’s balanced.

“You sure you’re good to walk?” you double check.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

You can pretty much hear the wince in his voice as you start walking, trying to go quickly but smoothly. His fingers dig into your shoulder so you lift your left hand to his and squeeze it reassuringly before he turns his hand over and locks it around yours. Once you’ve finally made it to your building you gently lean Spider-Man on the wall and rub your hand from where he’d been clutching it tightly.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, noticing your movements.

“Don’t stress, can’t hurt as much as you do right now. Now, my mum isn’t going to appreciate me just bringing you in the front door, so let me go in first to distract her and then you can sneak in. Go left as soon as you go through the door, there’s a little empty space with a painting on the wall, then turn right into the hallway and then my door is down the very end on the left, okay?”

Spider-Man simply nods, so you tug his arm over your shoulder again and lead him into the elevator, you hit the number 5 as the doors close. A minute later you’re at the door of your apartment, you open it a little and stick your head in and saw your mum in the kitchen. You wet your lips and slide in, leaving the door open a crack and call out to your mother. You hug her and spin a little so her back was to the door, you see Spider-Man peak around the door and tilt your head to let him know to keep going.

“Sorry I ran a little late, I got talking as I left the library,” you apologised.

“That’s fine, hun, you’re not too late anyway.”

“Yeah, but, um, do you mind if I eat in my room? I really just wanna focus on study for the test tomorrow.”

You pulled the excuse from when you were particularly stressed about a test, and your mother knew you didn’t want to be disturbed for the night when you were like that. She kissed your head softly and waved her hand at the fridge.

“Of course, I was just planning on having the left over pasta from the other night. Don’t overwork yourself either.”

“I won’t.”

You scoop a slightly larger serving of the pasta into a bowl and chucked it into the microwave, planning on giving some to the masked hero that was waiting for you. Once it was heated you grabbed a fork and headed to your room.

“Hey, sorry I took a sec, I grabbed some f- oh.”

You stopped when you saw the suit was no longer covering Spider-Man’s torso as he inspected his already bruising side in your mirror. All of his muscles were clearly defined, he looked younger than you’d imagined as well. He quickly pulled the suit back up, slipping his arms back into the sleeves and sitting your bed.

“S-sorry, I just wanted to check it out,” he explained.

“No worries, maybe I should have knocked,” you replied.

“Nah, it’s your room after all.”

“Yeah, true, knocking would be weird. Just like grabbing two forks, so I’m gonna scoff down some of this and you can have the rest, okay?”

He just nods, so you sit at your desk and take a mouthful of pasta and pull out your books again. You read over your notes as you eat and then try some problems without reading along with how to do them. You make a couple of mistakes at first, but you quickly pick up what they are so you can fix them. Once you’ve had about half the pasta you turn around your chair, Spider-Man is now lying on your bed and tapping away on his phone.

“Here’s the rest,” you call out.

He drops his phone in surprise and it falls on his face, making you laugh as he grabs the bowl from you.

“Shut up,” he almost whines.

“I think it humanises you that you also drop your phone on your face like the rest of us.”

“Uh, thanks, I think.”

You smile and turn back to your work. It stays quiet, the sounds of the fork scraping the side of the bowl the only sound that fills your room for several minutes. You suddenly feel a presence behind you and look up as Spider-Man reaches out and places the bowl on you desk, out of the way of your books. His mask is folded up to expose his mouth but he quickly reaches up to pull it down once he notices you looking.

“That one’s wrong,” he tells you pointing at a problem at the top of the page.

You frown and read it over but can’t find where you went wrong. “How?”

“You got the x and y values the wrong way around when you input them, I think.”

You grab your calculator and put in the corrected equation and hold it up for him to see.

“Yeah, that’s better.”

He walks back to your bed and sits down with a sigh.

“If you wanna sleep it off for a bit, you can. I’ll be up for a couple more hours studying so the bed’s all yours. Also I won’t look at you, if it’s easier to sleep with the mask off.”

“That would be nice actually, thanks.”

You smile and turn back to the desk, you hear him grunt slightly as he pulls the mask off and get comfortable on your bed. It takes a few minutes for soft snores to fill your room, you play some music quietly to drown them out a little and get back to your study. Double checking your answers every time, and going back and checking your answers from earlier as well. Your eyes start to droop and you lean your cheek on your arm and letting sleep take over.

You stir awake when you feel your body being lifted from your chair.

“Please don’t open your eyes,” a male voice whispers.

You’re about to do the opposite of what they asked but your remember that the voice belongs to Spider-Man so you keep your eyes closed.

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“Woke up and realised you were asleep in your desk chair so I’m moving you to your bed.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 1am.”

You let out an annoyed groan and shift slightly in his arms, which are slightly shaky, causing him to groan.

“Oh god, are you still hurt?”

“It’s nothing.”

He places you down on the mattress and you hear him walk away and tiny click. Even though your eyes are closed you knew he’d turned off the light. You hear him shut your blind and knowing your room will now be in complete darkness, you opened your eyes. You hear his body drop to the floor and panic, crawling to the edge of your bed to get up but your hand bumps his head. His hair is soft as you rest your hand on it, sighing with relief that he hadn’t just passed out on your floor. You move your fingers a little, feeling the strands between them before freezing, realising your actions.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to do that,” you sputter, pulling your hand back.

You’re surprised when his covered fingers grab your wrist and pull it back to his head.

“S’okay, I know it’s weird but, can you just, um, keep going? Feels nice,” he mumbles.

You agree by continuing to massage his scalp gently, ignoring the slight change in his voice.

“You’re too nice for your own good, (Y/N).”

You hum in response, too sleepy to realise you hadn’t told him your name. It doesn’t take long for his snores to fill the air again, and you fall back asleep soon after.

You wake to your radio blaring an annoying alarm tone which you shut off immediately and rub your eyes. You open and see the brown hair at the side of your bed, your eyes widen as you remember the events of last night. You didn’t think he’d stay the night, but there Spider-Man was, asleep against your bed. Mask off. Your eyes snap to the red material on your nightstand and you press your lips together knowing you wouldn’t be able to get it over his head with out waking him up. Considering how hurt and exhausted he’d been you didn’t want to deprive him of sleep. So you grabbed the throw blanket from the end of your bed and threw it over him before going through your normal morning routine.

Your mother leaves for work shortly after you wake, so you grab some breakfast while she finishes up getting ready, getting in the shower once she’s gone. Spider-Man was still sleeping when you had to go, so you write a note, letting him know to swing out the window whenever he was ready, and head off to school.

You walk to your locker, and start sorting out your books for the day when you hear your name being called. You look up and see Ned making a beeline for you, making you slightly confused as you didn’t talk to Ned a lot outside of decathlon.

“What’s up?” you ask as he stops beside you.

“Is Peter okay?” he asks.

Your face contorts to confusion and stop what you’re doing.

“How the heck am I supposed to know how he is?”

Ned opens his mouth to answer but his eyes widen and he snaps his mouth closed again.

“Uhh, sorry, I thought he’d told you about a thing but apparently not. Uh, bye!”

Before you can ask what on earth he was on about he hurried off. You roll your eyes and return to sorting your books and heading off to first period.

It was a class you shared with Peter, except he never showed up, you kept checking the clock, growing slightly worried as each minute ticked by. A few weeks back this wouldn’t have worried you at all, but now, Peter had got back on track. Skipping classes wasn’t something he did anymore. Plus Ned asking if he was okay didn’t put you at ease. Well the bell rang you headed off to your next class, where you would be taking the test.

You got inside the class to find Peter already sitting at his seat, you furrowed your brows and slid into the seat beside him, not where you usually sat. He looked at you weirdly and you mirrored the look.

“You okay?” you ask in a hushed tone.

His face tinges pink. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“The fact that Ned asked me of all people if you were alright when I got here, also you missed first period.”

His blush grew and your saw something flicker in his eyes to quick to decipher what exactly it was. Your teacher placed the test on your desks, face down, but once they passed Peter looked at you.

“I overslept, no big deal,” he whispered.

You couldn’t respond before the teacher called out to start the test, so you got to work, trying to push the nagging worry to the back of your head.

You finished the test with just under ten minutes to spare and spend the remaining time checking over your answers. Once the bell rings everyone scrambles to get their tests to the teacher and get out of the room, so you hang back and wait for the stampede to subside. Peter does the same and you both walk out of class together.

“D’you think you went okay?” you ask him.

“Yeah, what about you? Did all your studying pay off?” he quips.

“Yes, actually. I feel pretty good about it.”

“Good.”

You see something fall from Peter’s pocket as he pulls out his phone but he doesn’t notice so you quickly snatch up the piece of paper. You look around and see he’s too far away to catch before you need to get to your next class, you slip it into your pocket to give to him at lunch instead.

Your next classes go by at a reasonable pace, and you make your way through the cafeteria to where Ned and Peter sit. You come up to them from behind but stop when you hear their conversation.

“I can’t believe you nearly told her,” Peter grumbled.

“Your messages sounded like you had!” Ned replied.

“No, I don’t want anyone to know. Especially her, god, it’s worse than how I was with Liz. I’ve tried to talk myself out falling in love-”

An unpleasant feeling grew in your stomach at the idea of hearing who Peter was in love with.

“Sounds like you’re keeping some secrets, Peter,” you interrupt, straddling the bench beside Peter and smiling, pulling out the piece of paper he’d dropped earlier.

“Falling in love with you.” Peter finishes before slapping his hand over his mouth.

Your mouth drops open and your eyes widen in shock and quickly flick to Ned who’s looking on with slight amusement.

“Oh, Peter I-” you can barely string words together and all that’s going through your mind is how you realised you oddly liked finding out Peter looked at you during class, and how his cheeks burn red when you point out that you know.

You don’t know how to respond, falling in love with him isn’t where you’re at. You reach up with your empty hand and place it on the back of his neck and pull him a little closer and lean in and place a soft kiss on his cheek.

“You should take me out sometime, then,” you say with a smile.

Peter grins. “Really?”

“Yeah, absolutely. But here, you dropped this after the test this morning.”

You hold out the paper and his face drops, he reaches out to grab it but you move your hand back.

“Did you read it?” he asks.

“No, why? Is it a love note?”

You unfold the page only to find your own handwriting on it that your wrote hours earlier. You look up to Ned who’s eyes are wide and dart between you and Peter, your gaze shifts to Peter and he gives you a tight lipped smile.

“That’s all the secrets I’m keeping, I promise,” he says.

let me know if you do or don’t wanna be tagged!! taglist // @@tomsfireheart // @tomhoellandb // @laucontrerasv // @spidey-pal // @paper-goonie // @hottrashformarvel // @biuchima // @webfluihd // @starksparker // @h-osterfield // @upsidedownparker // @sergeantbxrnxs // @spideymood // @thewiseandfree // @stephie-senpai // @bi-writes // @peters-vlogs // @noneighborhood // @caloe-vera // @starlightfound // @lafayettes-baguettes-1 // @lemirabitur // @lilleone // @yoinksholland // @ablogbypeteparker // @iaiabear // @rainbow-marvel // @rumoured-whispers // @bookishpeter // @elentiya02 // @sweetcherrycal

#peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #tom holland au #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #em writes #2k(ool) celebration

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thecreativeangel · 6 years

Text

aut neca aut necare: lll

Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

*Please don’t plagiarize my work, thank you :3*

Summary: Apparently she’s not popular with reporters, she might have a thing for her best friend and has to watch her mother leave (good riddance?).

Warnings: Cursing. Peter’s fallen madly in love.......with Kimberly. 🎉

Words: 2.7k

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

“Newest Queens vigilante “Nyx” seen alongside Spiderman on a midnight prowl of the city.” You read aloud at lunch, Peter and Ned listening closely. Michelle might have been listening in too, but she didn’t show it. “Nyx, seemingly an apprentice of sorts to Spiderman, was captured on camera by teens near the docks of Brooklyn. The teens provided little comment, except that they were uneasy with her presence.”

You threw the newspaper down, trying to hide the scowl that was forming on your face. That had been the latest article of many, all of them more condescending than the next. Compared to other papers this one was tame. And “Nyx”? Seriously? Like the MAKEUP BRAND?

“What do you think about it Peter?” Ned asked, staring at his friend with a suspicious level of curiosity. Peter only shrugged, nudging Ned with his elbow.

“She’s probably a nice person.” He said, picking up an apple slice. “I haven’t seen her around Queens yet.”

“Fuckin’ nosy ass paps,” You grumbled quietly. “‘They felt uneasy around her’? What a bunch of bull.”

“What’d you say Y/N?” Ned asked, leaning closer to you.

“Nothing,” You said lightly, smiling at him. “Just talking to myself.”

“It’s a weird name to call her, don’t you think?” Michelle said loudly from her end of the table. “‘Nyx’. Not really a superhero name.”

“I think it’s ‘cause she only comes out at night,” Ned answered, toying with the straw in his milk. “And she only wears black.”

“Nah, she wears dark blue and silver too.” Peter said passively. Michelle, Ned and you all turned to look at him with varying degrees of confusion.

“I saw some other pictures,” He explained quickly, sending you a sheepish smile. You had looked the most confused. “It’s a nice suit. She seems very cool.”

Michelle raised an eyebrow. “She only comes out at night.”

“Like a bat.” Ned commented.

“Like Batman.” Peter offered.

“Like someone who wants to blend in,” You said, wrinkling your nose. “Not like Batman.”

Peter opened his mouth to say something but closed it immediately. He looked behind you, watching someone pass by. Without looking you could tell it was Kimberly. No matter how hard he tried to hide it from his friends, Peter’s eyes got a bit brighter when she was near. You’d memorized that change without meaning to, even though you didn’t like it.

“I need to go get some water.” was Peter’s brilliant excuse to talk to her. You waved your hand dismissively, flipping through the news article lazily. It’s not like you told Peter that Kimberly hated you because you failed to save her mother. Telling him must have slipped from your mind. And it’s not like guilt ate away at your insides every day because of that failure. It’s not like that at all.

“Hey Kimberly…”

You listened into their conversation, somewhat irked, your eyes still trained on the article. Kimberly’s pleasant voice faded in and out of your hearing range. You heard her giggle, saying something back to him. Listening to them talk like normal people was torture. You focused back on your newspaper. ‘Several more reports came in from a family that claimed Nyx robbed last Saturday as they came back from a concert.’ You scoffed and noisily sipped apple juice through a straw. ‘The family also chose to remain anonymous.’ Ha! Turn on your location assholes, I just wanna talk. Peter sat down again, looking happier and more thoughtful than before.

“Well what happened?” MJ asked, still glued to her book. “Did you make out or what?”

“No! No-” Peter scratched the back of his neck. “We just talked.”

“About what?” You asked, regretting it soon after. You hadn’t wanted to ask, but it slipped out.

“She’s happy to talk to someone,” Peter said, his ears turning pink. “Her mom died in the fire last month, and it’s a lot to get used to. She’s so…”

“Resilient?” Ned finished.

“Yeah, but nice too.” Peter said, glancing back at Kimberly. “And positive.”

You saw her stand up once more to throw away her trash, flashing Peter a shy smile. And, when Peter had turned his back, she met eyes with you. Kimberly looked at you like she was watching an animal eat its own throw up. That’s exactly how disgusting you felt too. Her usually kind dark brown eyes shone with cold blooded murder.

“Hey, d’you guys already have Mrs. Keilman’s class?” Peter asked, sorting through his notes. You snapped out of your trance, happily taking the chance to look away from Kimberly.

“I had her second peri-”

Your phone dinged, and you scrambled to unlock it when you saw it was your mum. It was a short text: “Don’t go to Peter’s house after school.” Before you could reply, she sent another one. “Come straight home before 5. Or I’ll leave anyway.”

“Shit.” You muttered, typing out a quick “ok”. Peter, who’d been reading over your shoulder, pretended he was minding his own business. You were too tired to tell him off.

“So what’s your mom gotta say?” MJ asked, actually looking up from her book.

“She uh- she says I can’t go to Ned’s after school,” You said, playing with your food to avoid meeting her scrutinizing gaze. “She’s probably staying at the company over the weekend.”

“You can’t come over for movie night?” Ned asked dejectedly. “But we rented Back to the Future. Peter was going to bring popcorn.”

You put on a grin and patted his back. “It’s fine Ned. Michelle will be happy to take my place, won’t you Mickey?”

“Wh- excuse me-” MJ stuttered, probably for the first time since you’d met her. She suddenly looked very flustered, a general reaction to you calling her Mickey. “F-first of all, don’t call me that. Second-”

“She’d love to go Ned.” You cut her off.

Your mother set down her wine glass and stared at you through half lidded, unimpressed eyes. This happened often, the mother daughter staring competitions, testing who would crack first. Your ears and neck felt hot, and when she raised an eyebrow, you looked away. She always won.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me sooner,” You said, avoiding looking at her. You sounded pouty, like the child she thought you were. “What am I supposed to do for two months? How am I going to buy food? Is this even legal?”

“It’s legal unless you decide to tell the authorities,” Your mother said cooly. “Which you won’t. You’re sixteen now, old enough to make your own decisions instead of following me like a sheep. When I was sixteen-”

“You were already starting your college education, I know.”

Your mother picked the glass up again, taking a bored sip as you continued what she considered a childish rant. “Mum, I’m not even mad ‘cause you’re leaving- I’m pissed ‘cause you supposedly forgot to tell me.”

“Watch your language.” Was her only reply.

“What-” You snapped. “I’m allowed to stay at home alone for two months but I’m not allowed to curse? That’s some backwards logic right there-”

She stood up suddenly, nearly knocking the chair over in the process. Maybe it was an adult thing, but she had always been able to silence you with her glare. Add the fact that she was a smidge taller than you, assuring her win in this intimidation game. You noticed that suitcases were already laid out on the leather couch.

“I am only doing this because the company called me a few days ago, very short notice, mind you,” She huffed. “And they need me to be there, since Kacy proved to be an incapable-”

Your mother’s nose twitched. “I’ll leave you some money. Tell Peter’s aunt if you’d like, maybe she’ll help you with groceries and such. Don’t sit around being useless like you normally do.”

Having finished off her glass, she went to put it in the sink, once again ignoring your existence. That tended to happen when you disappointed mother, and it made you shake with anger. As soon as the wine glass left her hand-

It exploded.

Your mother shrieked like a wild pig. Shards flew and scattered, thankfully staying mostly in the sink. You realized you’d been glaring at the glass and quickly looked away, still frowning.

“How the hell?” You mother breathed, hesitantly approaching the sink. She picked up a shard of glass and held it between her thumb and pointer finger, as if examining it would explain why the glass exploded. I did that. I didn’t even touch it!

“Have fun on your trip,” You murmured, pushing past her to get to your bedroom. “I hate you.”

She made no attempt to follow you, but yelled “fucking brat” as you slammed your door shut and locked it. With half a mind to fall on the bed and scream into a pillow, you instead decided to do something. Talk to someone, maybe. Still face down against the mattress, you blindly grabbed around for your phone and propped yourself up on your elbow to dial Peter.

“Hey, this is Peter. Parker. Uh, I messed up- May! How do I delete thi-”

You breathed a laugh, quiet just in case your mum was listening in. Peter never failed to mess up his voicemail. You’d been there when he spent two hours trying to make it perfect, in case Liz ever called. Through the door, you heard your mum loudly zipping up her suitcases and calling a cab. You shoved your head into the pillow and groaned. Should’ve asked when she was leaving.

You looked through your contacts and clicked May’s before thinking. Yes, dialing your best friend’s aunt’s number might not have been the best idea, but May was an angel. An angel who knew how to responsibly buy food and make out checks. She answered within two rings.

“Hello?”

“Hi May.” You greeted.

“Y/N!” She chimed. “Oh god, it’s wonderful to talk to you! How’s everything going?”

“It’s great,” You said lightly, cringing when your mum dropped a suitcase and cursed. Hopefully Aunt May didn’t hear that. “I’m doing alright. Is uh, is Peter home?”

“No. Sorry honey, he’s out with a friend. I could leave a message…?”

“That’s okay,” You refused politely. “Actually- Could I borrow Peter’s old bike? My mum won’t be able to drive me for a few months.”

“Sure, he doesn’t use it anyway. What’s wrong with your mom’s car?”

You bit your lip. “Her license expired. She has to retake the exam and all that. Can I come over and pick it up?”

“Mhmh, I’m home anyway, so…” You heard her briefly lift the phone from her ear. “Wait honey, Peter just got home. Do you want to talk to him?”

“That would be great, thank you.”

You practically felt her beam through the phone and call something to Peter. Laughter and feminine giggling sounded through your end, and no offence to Peter, but he never had girls over.

“Sorry honey,” May said, sounding confused and apologetic. “Peter’s busy right now, but you can still come over for the bike. He says he’s with a friend, but I’m positive she’s more than a friend, because I haven’t seen him look at anyone that way since Liz.”

The heat drained from your face. “M-May, who’s Peter’s friend?”

“Oh, she’s from his science class I think, very quiet by the way. I think her name is Kimberl-”

You chucked your phone across the room. Probably not your best moment, but come on. Of all the people, why, why, why, why why why why why wHY WHY-

Breathing in deeply through your nose, you marched over, picked up the phone and hesitantly lifted it to your ear. May was already panicking. “(Name) honey, are you okay? I think something fell-”

“M’fine May,” You answered. “K-knocked over my lamp, but it’s fine. I’m fine.”

She didn’t say anything for some time, and you heard her walk further away from Peter and Kimberly laughing. “Honey, is everything alright at home? If your mother’s being difficult, you can sleep over here for a few days.”

“No, no,” You said quickly. “Mum’s been normal. It’s not that.”

Only after saying that did you realize your mistake. It’s not that. You knew May narrowed her eyes when you said that. “What’s wrong...?”

You opened your mouth and were interrupted by a shriek of laughter from Kimberly. If it were possible, you felt May narrow her eyes even more and glance in their direction.

“Y/N sweetness,” She whispered, even more caring than before. “Is it Peter?”

You bit your lip harder, feeling the skin break beneath your teeth. May pretended to be clueless in terms of pop culture and teenage angst, but she understood better than any adult. She knew the answer. “Is this why he didn’t want to talk to you?”

“I don’t know,” You breathed sadly into the phone. “I don’t want to know. May, it’s better to drop it-”

“It’s her, isn’t it?”

May, you are too damn smart for anyone else’s good. Stay this way forever. “I-I think so.”

“Okay, okay, just tell me one thing,” Her voice trembled with poorly concealed excitement. “Oh, I’ve wanted to know for six years- Sorry, sorry, gotta stay on task. Do you…like him?”

For some reason you looked around the room to make sure no one was there, even though the door was locked. What a hard question. Well, not really, but it was impossible to put into words. Do I like Peter? I mean, he’s opted not to talk to me because Kimberly is there, and I wanna choke him right now… Haha, that’s what she said. If you did like Peter, did you want to? So far, him being your second biggest secret, you hated it. You’d spend life denying that you were attached to anyone, even your mother (you being emotionally distant was her fault, probably). The question still stood: Do I like Peter?

“Yeah.” You shyly mumbled into the phone. May squeaked the moment it left your lips.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited,” May said breathlessly, like she were holding in a squeal. “This is so perfect! I mean, I always thought, hoped, even- But wow, that’s amazing!”

“Uh, May?”

“Yes honey?”

“He’s- Peter’s not-” You held the phone away from you and huffed. It seemed physically painful to say “he doesn’t like me”, but it was better to reject yourself before Peter got the chance. The group picture of him, you and Ned was sitting on your bed stand, collecting dust but ever present. You looked away from it. “Peter isn’t with Kimberly…to study. Just putting that out there.”

“Oh-” She gasped, biting her tongue. “Oh, I’m so sorry. She’s not very nice, by the way. Terrible girl. Very rude-”

“May, I know you like her. It’s okay that you like her. Kimberly’s a great person.”

It sort of burned your tongue to say that, but the statement was half true. Kim was nice to everyone, except you. She was kinder, more thoughtful, more tolerant and patient and optimistic. Perfect grades in all her advanced classes, in an already advanced school. Not to mention her flawless skin and shiny hair… But May seemed determined to make you feel better. “Y’know, there’s still something about her that I didn’t like.”

You smiled sadly at her attempt at cheering you up. “And what’s that?”

“She isn’t you, sweetness,” May said sincerely. “There’s only one of you.”

You laughed at that. “May-”

“I know, I know,” She confessed. “That might have been the corniest thing I’ve ever said, but I mean it. You’re such a wonderful girl, honey. Your mom just doesn’t give you enough credit.”

If this were said in person you might have cried, because even now your throat tightened with emotion. You let out a strangled “thanks May” before your voice got the chance to crack.

“No problem,” She said. “I’ll always be your honorary aunt. And honey?”

“Yeah?”

“Peter will always be your best friend,” May said thoughtfully. Peter and Kimberly’s voices got louder in the background. “But god help him if he hurts you, I swear I’ll-”

You giggled at her antics. “Thank you May. G’night.”

Aunt May grinned happily on her side of the call, feeling careworn but content. “Goodnight Y/N.”

Authors Note: This is the last chapter before things get...interesting.

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miphastudies · 4 years

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17 Questions for 17 People

Thanks @its-bianca for tagging me in this! Sorry it’s taken so long, we’re in a third lockdown and I’m pretty sure my body thinks that time no longer exists.

Nicknames: Kim, Kimbo, Kimberlim, Kimothy, Kimberley Dibberley (For some reason my family thought that a nickname based off Cat’s other personality from Red Dwarf, Dwayne Dibberley, was funny and it’s stuck with me my whole life), as well as KIIII (shouted by my sister when she was about 2 and couldn’t pronounce my name, my best friend now yells it when she wants my attention) and Kim-Kim by my Dad who refuses to believe I’ve grown up (beats Kimberley Dibberley any day)

Height: 5'9 - towering over most men is fun, I suggest it to all of you, I’d rather round it up to six foot, but I probs stopped growing at 20.

Hogwarts House: Well I got Gryffindor when I first went on that site, but being my goth self I had to take the test again until I got Slytherin - as far as I remember I had unicorn hair (or horn?) or something of the like in my wand but I’m not gonna fuel JK’s anti-trans pockets by visiting Pottermore ever again.

Last thing I googled: The soundtrack for Futurama’s Luck of the Fryrish episode, I knew Simple Minds were on it but I could’ve sworn Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty was on it, but apparently not. I spent a good half hour trying to sing it into google with their new song-analysis thing to no avail, so I ended up siphoning through all the songs Lisa Simpson has ever played on her Sax to find out what it was (I should be doing my dissertation proposal but my tutors haven’t got back to me yet so what can ye do).

Song stuck in my head: yknow wha I’m just gonna list the songs that have been stuck in my head so far today because it’s too many to be just one as I keep cycling through them (also gonna link them so you can see how garbo weird my music taste is)

Run - Joji Alive - Pearl Jam Clinging On For Life - The Hoosiers Tension - Avenged Sevenfold Boots of Spanish Leather - Bob Dylan Nutshell - Alice in Chains Jaded - Aerosmith The Sea of Tragic Beasts - Fit For an Autopsy

I’ll add my current favourite at the bottom too for good measure (Honestly I spend way too much time listening to music and I regret nothing)

Number of followers: Currently 85. I’ve got about 2k on my main blog but I’ve not touched that since July 2017.

Amount of sleep: Good lord, so I aim for 8 hours, sometimes I only get 5.5 or something along those lines, other times I depression nap during the day and can’t sleep at all, sometimes (like this morning) I’ll go to get up at a normal person time such as 9am when my body naturally wakes me up, but it’s so dark and gloomy outside and cold in my room that I just stay in bed and end up accidentally falling back asleep. 12pm gang rise up xo

Lucky number: 7

Dream Job: Hopefully I get somewhat successful in monetising my hobbies, I’m working on it all atm (I don’t know why but I really hate telling people about my plans because I’m deathly afraid they’ll mock me or do whatever they can to ensure it doesn’t happen, I’ve got this list of things I need to do for my own mental health sellotaped to my laptop stand that had things like when to clean the house, do my laundry, shower, exercise etc, and my old flatmate/friend saw it the other week and mocked me, so I haven’t followed it since and need to find some sort of other way of organising my life instead). But yeah, hopefully hobby based, I don’t want to be stuck in an office job all my life, and I want to leave the UK (although I don’t want to leave my family) so hopefully I’ll be successful enough to bring em all with me.

Wearing: Well I was gonna wear jeans and my Unus Annus longsleeve but I decided to go full kitchen witch and wear this black milkmaid looking dress with long sleeves that I’d bought for work when I got my thigh tattoo started (all the old men appreciated the legs but I didn’t make any more tips, oops)

Favourite song: My favourite song of all time would be The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony , the band formed at my college, has great meaning and has resonated with me since I first saw the music video after it was played at my Stepdad’s funeral in 2002. Weirdly enough on my last day of college, right after my last exam, I went to get the bus home - put my Spotify on shuffle (bearing in mind I’ve got 805 songs on this playlist) and this came on straight away. That’s probably not important to most people, but being pagan, I like to think that small things like these are signs from loved ones that have since passed. Not too happy that it’s used as the England Rugby theme because it gives me anxiety every time as though I feel like everyone hearing it doesn’t have the same emotional connection with the song as I do, but idk. I saw Richard Ashcroft live and he played this and I legit bawled my eyes out in public, safe to say I’ll try and hold it in next time. I suggest you all have a listen to the song or even watch the music video for it, it’s the most simple but most meaningful music video to me.

Favourite Instrument: I’m left handed and I had this Yamaha acoustic guitar that my stepdad gave me - and taught me to play when I was about 5, a few months before he died (it’s still weird to me that I had no idea he had cancer at that point and instead spent his last few months teaching me his favourite hobbies) all he had was right handed guitars, so he taught me to play Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters upside down on this 20 odd year old right handed acoustic. He hadn’t played upside down himself before but did it so I could see what he was doing. I remember sitting in our green living room on the couch with him moving my hands to the right position (I don’t know where my mum was in this scenario, probably in the kitchen). He’d brought this guitar with him the first day I met him, it was probably like 11pm but I was 4 and thought it was 3am or something, but I heard voices coming from the living room and had gone to investigate - there sat my mum and my stepdad having Chinese on the living room floor, laughing together, my stepdad saw me and had brought sweets for me and my brother for when we woke up, but he beckoned me over, gave me a lollipop, stuck a two litre bottle of tizer in front of me and told me to dip the lollipop in the drink and lick it (not a good idea as I would’ve been bouncing off the walls, but I think I must’ve had a sugar crash and fallen asleep). My mum had no idea he was coming as he’d sneakily been texting her, asking what her favourite drink was, her favourite food and flowers etc, after they met in a pub when my mum was at a hostel with my brother after my Dad had taken me. My mum told him that the council had given her a place and he decided to show up and surprise her with all her favourite things and play guitar for her after my brother and I had gone to bed, I don’t remember much time passing before we’d moved into his house (where my mum and her new husband live to this day), but they got married a few months later and I still can’t play that Metallica song (I did try to teach myself more of it though). I also had this black left handed Ibanez prestige that my Dad got me for Christmas about 9 years ago, I could play quite a lot on it but eventually just stopped. Very good at piano though.

Aesthetic: I’m not sure what this entails but I’m a sucker for neon/RGB/cityscapes and that type of malarkey. Also space. Love da space. Also whatever Cornwall would be considered as. Cottagecore? I think that’s only an animal crossing related aesthetic but I’m claiming it nonetheless.

Favourite Author: I’m a big goth so it has to be Stephen King by default. I’ve got copious first editions of his books from the 70′s and 80′s that my Mum bought when she was a teen. At my flat I’ve got Carrie, Christine, Salem’s Lot, Misery and The Shining first editions and the others are in my room at my Mum’s house. I don’t tend to read for joy like I used to, or write for fun either but I’m hoping I do more in 2021. Currently reading The Outsider by King, it sounds eerily familiar to a novel I wrote for coursework in college in 2014 and I’m half pressed to think he’s stole my brain ideas. I’m watching you Stephen. Always watching. Always.

Favourite animal sounds: I don’t have favourite sounds, but my husky Nanook is my favourite animal because he’s dumb and I love him. Also Kookaburra sounds are terrifying and you all should go listen to what a koala sounds like. When I go to Adelaide (hopefully this year, if not next) I am NOT stepping foot in a nature reserve unless I’ve got an anti-kookaburra noise suit on. They obviously don’t exist so I’m gonna have to make one.

Random: I’m part of a viking reenactment group where they use actual swords and fight each other, and we have to basically sign our lives away when we join, to say that if we die, it’s not the groups fault. I don’t actually do the fighting though, I’m part of the villager group, so I do all the crafting and food making and most of the teaching when we do shows. I’ve not yet been to a show as I’ve had uni to go to, but my parents, sister and brother do - They stayed within Whitby Abbey last year during the Viking festival where everyone did the show and the adults got drunk round campfires in the castle grounds. Zacky Vengeance once complimented my shirt if that’s something. I’m also colourblind, got glared at by Liam Gallagher in the Liverpool Echo Arena parking lot and have too accurate a sense of smell.

Sorry this was so long, obviously I felt like word-dumping and my brain has a lot to say as I find too much meaning in these things. Thanks again for tagging me! I’ve not got 17 people to tag as I don’t interact with anyone at the moment but I’ll come back to this and add people as the week progresses :)

#tagged #personal #asks

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lowdenfordays · 7 years

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YE BE WARNED – it’s bloody long. Lemme know if you like these longer stories or prefer little snapshot moments. I live to please. Much love!

(Also there’s a little swearing so sorry if you’re not into that).

Big news

You were out for brunch with your girls. Jack was away filming his new movie Dunkirk, and your friends always bandied around when he was gone. They knew how lonely you got, so often arranged little trips out to cheer you up. Today it was brunch. The five of you sat around the table, catching up on work and relationship gossip.

The waiter came over to take your order.

“I’ll have the smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, please,” Grace said.

“The waffles and forest fruits for me, thanks,” chimed Laura, “and I bet Y/N will have the French toast.”

It was well known to be your favourite, but you just couldn’t stomach it today.

“Actually I’ve been feeling a little queasy lately. I think I’ll just have the granola.”

The other girls ordered, but weren’t going to let your confession go. You were never one to make a fuss, and didn’t want your morning out to be ruined by them worrying about you. But, always the loyal and concerned friends, they gave you the Spanish Inquisition.

“So you’ve been unwell Y/N?” Holly asked.

“No, not unwell per say. Just a bit, you know, unsettled. I haven’t been physically sick or anything. It gets bad when I’m travelling though.” You had been sure you were going to throw up in the taxi ride here, but thankfully you held it in.

“You should have some ginger then. It’s supposed to help if you feel like you’re going to be sick. I find a ginger and lemon tea works wonders,” Betty chimed in; she loved her herbal remedies.

You gagged. The thought of ginger nearly tipped you over the edge. “God, I couldn’t stomach ginger right now. I think that would make me sick, rather than prevent it,” you asserted.

“What? I thought you loved ginger. You always use it to season your dishes. I remember you put it in a curry once, and I was so sceptical but it tasted amazing!” Laura exclaimed.

“Yeah, I know, I usually love it,” you mused. “I think it must be a bug I’ve picked up or something. I’ve been so knackered lately I’m probably just run down.”

“Run down? But Jack’s not here to keep you up all night,” Holly joked.

Everyone laughed, and you replied, “No it’s just work screwing me, unfortunately. I feel like I’ve been rushed off my feet the past week. Honestly I’ve never been so glad of a weekend.”

You continued to talk about the latest antics at work, and Grace was relaying an anecdote about an office sweepstake when the drinks arrived.

You took one sip of your mimosa and grimaced. It tasted foul.

“God that’s awful!” you exclaimed. To your surprise, everyone looked at you in shock.

“It tastes like metal.” When Betty asked what you meant, you elaborated, “It’s got that metallic taste, like it’s had coins soaking in it. We should send them back.”

No one else seemed to taste it though, so you had a sip of Laura’s, wondering if it was just yours. But there it was again. “Nope. I can definitely taste metal.”

You decided to leave it, and ordered a tea instead. You felt like a boring old granny while your friends were drinking cocktails, but the thought of it made your stomach churn.

Your tried your best to put the drinks situation behind you, and ignore your nausea. You listened to Betty talk animatedly about a guy she’d been on a date with and was very excited about. Betty, bless her, had been dating for years without success and was so desperate for a boyfriend, being the only single one in the group. The others were all in long term relationships, but you were the only one who was married. Jack had proposed to you on Christmas eve a year ago, and within six months you had been married. You hadn’t even been dating for that long at the time, eighteen months maybe, but you had both known from the word go that you’d met your soulmate and saw no reason to wait around. The ceremony had been idyllic, in an old Scottish castle near where Jack had grown up. The memory of it was one of the things that gave you comfort while he was away.

The rest of the morning passed without incident, and your nausea had actually mostly subsided by the time you had finished the meal and were saying your goodbyes.

You hugged Grace firmly but she abruptly pulled away. “Oh my god, Y/N, your boobs are massive at the moment! I felt like I was hugging two cushions!”

You blushed as everyone laughed, “Say it louder, why don’t you,” you groaned in a voice thick with sarcasm. “My period’s probably due or something.”

“Hold on a second. When exactly is your period due?” Holly questioned suddenly seeming concerned.

You were a little confused, but did a mental calculation. “It’s actually overdue, by about a week maybe.” It wasn’t all that unusual for your periods to be irregular, especially since you’d come off the pill, so you didn’t think anything of it.

“Your period’s late, your boobs are bigger, you’ve been feeling sick, and things are tasting funny. I remember my mum telling me that stuff tasted metallic when she first got pregnant with me. I thought it when you said about the mimosa, but figured it was just coincidence so didn’t think any more of it, but… Y/N, I think you might be pregnant.”

You stood there, in the doorway of the restaurant, staring wide-eyed into space. You didn’t say a word. You were vaguely aware of your friends touching your arm and asking if you were okay, but you were too shocked to respond. All you could think of was that one word; pregnant. Could you really be pregnant? You and Jack were usually so careful.

Your hand suddenly flew to your mouth as you gasped.

“There was one time, about three weeks ago, we forgot to use protection. We were out of the swing of it ‘cause I hadn’t long been off the pill. Oh my god. Oh my god, I think I’m pregnant. Holy shit, holy shit…”

You didn’t even notice when the strength went out of your legs and your friends had to catch you to stop you falling.

“Look,” Grace said suddenly shifting into practical gear, “there’s no point getting worked up before we know one way or the other. I haven’t got any other plans today,” she looked questioningly at the rest of the group, and Laura mumbled something about cancelling, “so we’re going to go to the nearest pharmacy, buy you a pregnancy test and we’re all going to go back to your apartment and figure out what the hell is going on.”

You nodded, completely dumbfounded and more than willing to be frogmarched to a pharmacy.

Half an hour later you were nervously pacing back and forth across the living room. Your four friends were sat on the sofa in front of you, and a pregnancy test and timer were on the coffee table. You’d called Jack three times but had only received his voicemail, and he wasn’t picking up the increasingly frantic texts asking him to call you. He must have been filming.

“You’re going to wear a hole in that carpet if you’re not careful,” said Holly.

You sat down, but your knee bounced sporadically. It was the longest two minutes of your life. Betty took your hand in both of hers and offered you a loving smile.

After what seemed an eternity the timer went and you all but jumped out of your skin.

Laura spoke timidly, “So, um, you just look for the little symbol and it’ll either be a plus or a minus…”

You placed the test on your lap but were suddenly frozen, unable to look. “Maybe I should try Jack again.” You picked up your phone and rang, three seconds, four, five…

“Hiya, Jack here. Sorry I cannae pick up the phone, I’m probably off bein’ very busy and important. Leave a message if ye like.” Beep.

You hung up instantly. You looked to your friends, knowing you had enough support with the four of them there, took a deep breath, and looked.

“Well? What does it say?!” Betty challenged after a few seconds of silence.

“Come on you tease. You can’t leave us in suspense like this!” Grace moaned.

All of a sudden you started crying, joy and relief and fear and euphoria filling you all at once and sending your head spinning in a whirlwind of emotions.

“It’s positive. I’m going to have a baby”.

Sobs racked your body, your physical frame unable to comprehend the wealth of delirious bliss coursing through your veins. “I’m having a baby,” you choked out, as if hearing it aloud confirmed it to be true, but also testing the words on your lips. They felt comfortable.

Your friends engulfed you into a group hug and you laughed and cried simultaneously.

By the time Jack had called you a couple of hours later, clearly distressed by the four missed calls and eight texts, you had decided to surprise him with the news in person. This wasn’t the kind of thing you could tell him over the phone. Through various phone calls you’d managed to get in touch with Emma Thomas, the film’s producer. You confided in her your news, and she was immediately thrilled and more than happy to help you. Together you arranged for you to fly over the next day, and surprise Jack so you could tell him face to face that he was going to be a dad. She promised to clear his afternoon schedule, book the flights and arrange your transport to set from the airport. You were more grateful to her than you could express.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are ye okay?” Jack asked through the phone. You could practically hear his brow furrowed with worry.

“Um, yeah. Everything’s fine now. I was just watching the Notebook,” you lied, “and you know how it makes me cry. I wanted to talk to you is all, I miss you.”

‘Oh, thank god,” Jack sighed, “ye had me really worried then. I thought something awful had happened. But I miss you too.”

You continued to chat for a few minutes, but you made an excuse to hang up. You were too excited and you feared you’d let something slip and ruin the surprise. Anyway, you needed to pack.

The next morning, bright and early, you were on the plane to France. You could barely contain your excitement, especially when, once you’d landed and gone through customs, you saw a man in a suit waiting for you with a sign that had your name on it. He took your bag and led you to a black car, before driving you to the town of Dunkirk. The journey took the best part of an hour, and the whole time you were running and rerunning the scenario in your head, searching for the right words to tell your husband the news. However, as you started to imagine Jack’s reaction, anxiety started to build in your chest. You were so excited to start a family with the man you loved, but what if he wasn’t ready? He was so busy with work, and you knew once the world saw him in a Christopher Nolan film he’d start getting much busier. He’d be away even more, so would he have the time to stay at home and look after you once you got near to full term? Would he be there to look after the baby with you? You didn’t want to do this alone.

You arrived on set and met Emma. She had arranged for Jack to be on set with Tom Hardy to feed him his lines for the close-up shots, so he wouldn’t know you were there yet. She led you to a trailer, and a Aneurin opened the door. You’d met him before, him being a good friend of Jack’s and you were relieved to see a familiar face.

“Y/N, it’s great to see you, you look radiant!”, he said and hugged you. “Please, come in.”

Emma excused herself, needing to get back to work, and you allowed Aneurin to lead you inside.

There was a small sofa in the kitchen area, on which sat two boys. One was brunette, with a sweet puppy-dog face that reminded you of a bloodhound, who you recognised to be Barry Keoghan. He’d been in a film with Jack a few years ago, but you’d never met, as it was before you and Jack were an item. The other was blonde with a gentle quiff and cheekbones like you’d never seen. He quickly got to his feet and offered you a hand to shake, “Hi, I’m Tom. You must be Y/N, Jack’s told us so much about you”.

You smiled bashfully, and took his hand. Barry introduced himself, and commented in a thick Irish accent that he remembered Jack coming back to the set of ’71 after a weekend home and gushing about some girl he’d met that he couldn’t stop thinking about. “And noew you’re married. It’s bloody mad loike”. You chuckled, partly at his drawl but mostly that he was right – it was mad how quickly you and Jack had fallen in love and were building a future together.

“So how come you’re here?” Aneurin asked, offering you a cup of tea. “It’s all very spur of the moment, isn’t it?”

You took the brew gratefully and studied it before answering; you didn’t want to tell them before Jack found out. You chose your words carefully. “I have some big news that I need to talk to Jack about. It’s not a conversation you can have over the phone, and I couldn’t really wait for him to come home.”

Aneurin smiled, “Is it good news?”

You tried and failed to keep the curl from your lips. “Oh I think so.”

From the look in his eye you thought he had guessed, but he didn’t press the matter and the four of you chatted contentedly until Aneurin got a text from Jack saying that his schedule had unexpectedly been cleared for the afternoon, so he and a few lads were going for a drink in the pub, and asked if he wanted to join. You all decided to go, the guys keen to find out your news and see how events would unfold.

You walked the short distance to the pub and went inside to see Jack sat at a big table with Tom Hardy, Cillian Murphy, Harry Styles and a boy you didn’t recognise, but assumed was Fionn Whitehead.

“Oi Jack, there’s someone here to see you!” Tom shouted. Jack’s head snapped round and his electric eyes went wide as soon as they settled on you.

He rushed from his seat to scoop you into his arms, “Oh my god, Y/N, what are ye doin’ here?” he said as he spun you around. He kissed you firmly before setting you down and whispering, “I’ve missed ye so much.”

You returned the sentiment and let him lead you to the table. You were introduced to his cast mates and you had to contain your excitement at meeting Tom and Cillian especially, as you were such a fan of their work. Everyone greeted you warmly, and you were offered a seat between Harry and Jack, who promptly piped up, “Righ’, this round’s on me. What can I get ye love, red wine?”

You shook your head, “Nah, I’ll just have a soda and lime.”

“You sure? You don’t want a bevvy?” I was unlike you to refuse wine.

“Yeah, it was an early start this morning and I’m a little qualmish from the flight. I don’t want it to make me drowsy.”

Jack accepted your explanation with a shrug, for which you were grateful, and continued to get everyone else’s orders. You ignored Aneurin’s pointed look. A knot tightened in your stomach, and you weren’t sure if it was nausea or nerves. Probably both.

Jack returned with handfuls of beers and one soda and lime. You took the drink and mumbled your thanks, as Jack settled beside you and draped an arm over the back of your chair, both possessive and proud of you.

“So, Y/N, to what do we owe this pleasure?” Harry asked.

“Aye, how come you’re here? I had no idea you were coming,” Jack remarked.

“I wanted to surprise you,” you said with a smirk and placed a kiss on his clean-shaven cheek, which felt a little alien to you. You were used to at least a layer of stubble, if not full ginger beard.

“She says she’s go’ some big news fer ya”, Barry chimed, almost teasingly.

You looked down at your lap and blushed.

“It tha’ right?” Jack shifted in his seat to face you. “What’s so important that ye couldn’t tell me over the phone?”

You took a deep breath, and let the words linger on your tongue. You felt a little uncomfortable in front of all these people you’d only just met, but you supposed there’s no time like the present.

“Well… Jack I love you. So much, and…well”

He chuckled, “I know tha’. You dinnae have to come to France to tell me ye love me.” He took your hands in his and rubbed a thumb affectionately over your knuckles. “You know ye can tell me anythin’”.

You nodded and set yourself. You looked up, and locked eyes with the man of your dreams.

“Well, I might have told a little white lie before. The travelling isn’t the only reason I didn’t want wine, and it’s not what’s got me feeling queasy either.”

The confusion was plain on his face. “I don’t understand hen, what’s wrong?”

You grinned, your fear suddenly replaced with gaiety. “Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all. Jack I’m pregnant.”

The words tumbled out of your mouth, so relieved to have finally told him.

“Wha- what? Are you serious? You- you’re- I cannae- oh my god, pregna- we’re- we’re havin…” you giggled like a little girl and watched the emotions dance on his face. There was shock, and a little fear, but overwhelmingly you saw delight in his tear-filled eyes. You started to cry too, unable to keep your own emotions in check. Jack threw his arms around you and held you tightly, and you became aware of the cheers of the guys around you, and Aneurin mumbling “I knew it”.

“We’re having a baby,” you whispered before Jack planted a messy kiss on your lips. You vaguely heard someone wolf whistle.

“I’m gonnae be a da.” Jack let out a laugh; a full-bellied, uncontained, completely joyous laugh. You giggled too, the sounds chiming melodiously with one other.

“Oh, hennie, you’re gonna be such a great mum.” He kissed you firmly. And again, and again and again.

“Alright you two, that’s enough,” Cillian chuckled, and you pulled away from each other. “This calls for a toast I think,” everyone raised their glasses, “To Jack and Y/N, and their new babby.”

“To Jack and Y/N” everyone echoed, and Jack took your hand in his and placed a kiss on your palm.

“I love you” he mouthed. You couldn’t wait for him to be a dad.

#jack lowden #jack lowden imagine #jack lowden x reader #dunkirk #dunkirk movie #dunkirk imagine

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