#i get sick of hearing about art block motivation improvement like everything always has to be in motion or else

[ghostcrows]

I say I'm passionate about art but I don't even know anymore I think I just have to do it at least every once in a while or I'll shrivel up and die. but that doesn't translate directly into like a sense of direction or creativity or drive. I've never had like, some amazing story in my head I wanted to tell. I never had ocs that feel like real people who I know everything about. I feel like the pieces are there for me to be someone who works on amazing projects but the muscles have atrophied and they weren't that strong to begin with. It's really just compulsive to me and the only thing left I can call a hobby an interest a "talent"

But whatever part of me used to say I wanted to animate or have my own cartoon or work on a show like. Totally and completely died and it's sort of depressing. I have that little faith in myself to deliver I never even practiced like...idk I feel so separate from it now. If I was really passionate I would have tried way harder and I just didn't. I feel like I deluded myself into thinking someone with no imagination would just come up with an awesome story to tell some day. But I got nothing cause there's nothing in my brain that's good.

But also maybe none of this is even that true and I just have mega depression hardcore and she's making me say that . Well I'll keep you updated I guess

[raphaelarider]

 Costa Serena Records Challenge || Raphi Lights

The Basics (answer all)

Given Name: Raphela Florence Lights

Aliases/Nicknames: Raphi

Age: 24

Occupation/Workplace: Owner of Wildflower Florist

Date of Birth: June 21st, 1995

Place of Birth: Mercer Island, Washington

Citizenship: American

Languages: English, Basic German

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Powers/Magic (if any): Healing/De-Aging Powers, activated by singing an incantation. 

Family & Childhood (choose three)

What was your character’s experience with discipline like growing up? Raphi’s grandmother was harsh and unforgiving. For minor infractions, Raphi may have been forced to skip a meal or two, after being berated by the woman for quite a while. She would often cut power to Raphi’s room as well, leaving her to fend for herself in the dark. 

What did your character dream of becoming as a child? Before she was taken from her parents, Raphi’s career interests included gardening, flying airplanes, being a reptile veterinarian, or a space scientist. As she got older and was forced to stay inside for so long, her goals slowly became singular: to be free.

Describe your character’s childhood home. The Tower, as Raphi calls it, was cold, dark, and dusty. A three story stone mansion at the western edge of southwestern end of Seattle, the Tower stood just a few blocks from the cool Pacific Ocean, though the young girl could only tell by the faint, distant crashing of waves she could hear in the otherwise silent night. It stood as a fortress, protecting Raphi from the gloomy city, but it felt more like a trap. She was only aloud in her room on the third floor. While expansive, it was almost always damp, the stone walls no insulation from the cool Seattle weather. Raphi had one window, which to this day she calls her saving grace. It was from that window that Raphi made her escape into the sunshine.

Personality (choose three)

What are three words your character would use to describe themselves? Resourceful, silly, passionate.

What is your character’s biggest flaw? Raphi trusts a bit too hard sometimes in the good of people, quickly making the judgement on pretty much everyone that they have no ulterior motives and that they want what’s best for her. 

What is your character’s biggest strength? Still, Raphi’s positivity can be her greatest strength. She has dealt with extremely horrible circumstances, but has risen above to become the light she never had as a child. She spin any bad situation to her benefit, and is eager to do the same for everyone she meets. 

Appearance/Physicality (choose four)

How many tattoos does your character have, and what are they? From head to toe, Raphi has 11 tattoos, though some are quite large with multiple intricate designs. On the back of her neck, below her hairline, she has the word “create” in her mother’s handwriting, saved from a note written to her in 2000. Her right arm sports a sleeve of flowers, complete with a large portrait of Pascal on her shoulder. As the sleeve progresses down her arm, the flowers turn into stars, an astronaut wanders through them just above her wrist. The other arm is bare in comparison, with only a couple small reminders on her forearm and a pair of hands making a pinky promise above her elbow, symbolizing her friendship with Ariel. Along her spine are the phases of the moon, and her collarbone sports a small bouquet. Along her ribs on her left side is the phrase ‘here comes the sun’ in script, and on the her right hip the words ‘I love you,’ which Flynn wrote and she tattooed over. Her upper right thigh holds a simple stick-and-poke of the word ‘art.’ Her left ankle has another couple of flowers. Finally, the side of her right foot has the outline of a sun, moon, and star, the sun filled in, which matches Ariel and Cornelia’s.

What is your character’s favorite outfit? Raphaela’s guide to style is ‘comfy cute.’ In the summertime, her favorite outfit is a pair of overalls and a baggy tee, her long hair in two braids tied back with a lavender headband. The wintertime has Raphi in chunky sweaters and ripped jeans, her lucky high top converse only on when it’s too cold for bare feet.

How does your character style their hair? Raphi is known for her signature long locks, which end just below her waist. She tends not to style them with heat, instead opting for the slight waves that naturally arise after a thorough washing. To keep it out of the way, the girl will usually have it up in a french braid, or double braids if she has time in the morning to do them.

Relationships (choose four)

How would your character describe their best friend? Raphi’s best friends are Ariel and Cornelia. The three do everything together, and are rarely seen without one another. Raphi describes Ariel as curious, headstrong, and carefree. She thinks Corny is poised, helpful, and a ton of fun. The girls have a lot in common, but it’s in their striking differences that each of their strengths shine and they really meld together. 

How would your character describe their romantic interest? Flynn and Raphi have been together for a long time, but she still can’t help but gush about him when she gets the chance. In a few words, Raphi might describe him as charming, protective, and understanding. She thinks he’s the funniest person she’s ever met, and is the best person she knows, even if he doesn’t always see it in himself.

Does your character enjoy being in big groups, or spending time with a few close friends? Raphi is an extrovert, and thinks that being in big groups is the best way to make new friends.However, she would pick her tight knit group of friends over a ton of strangers anyday.

What is the first thing your character notices when meeting someone for the first time? She usually takes note of a person’s smile, unless the reason she noticed them in the first place is because they had a sick tattoo.

Psychology (choose five)

What are your character’s core values? She holds kindness, optimism, and creativity above all else. Raphi is a strong advocate against violence, and works tirelessly to keep the peace wherever she goes.

What is the one thing your character wants more than anything in the world? Her biggest goal is to live a life full of love that would make her parents proud.

Does your character have any mental illnesses? Raphi started going to therapy a little over a year ago because Flynn was concerned about the nightmares she was having. Since then, she’s been working hard to overcome what she now knows is PTSD due to the death of her parents. Her therapist has also concluded that she has bipolar disorder, characterized by long stretches of manic periods and occasional depressive episodes. She has seen an overall improvement in her mental health since starting her counseling sessions, but does her best to hide her struggles with the rest of the world.

What has been your character’s biggest personal struggle? Her biggest struggle has been understanding that her the murder of her parents was not her fault.

What is your character the most proud of? Her proudest moment was breaking free of her grandmother’s hold. Everything after that is just icing on the cake.

Spiritual/Temperamental (choose at least two)

What is your character’s Hogwarts house? Ravenclaw

What is your character’s MBTI type? ENFP: The Campaigner personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but unlike types in the Explorer Role group, Campaigners are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others. Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate, the 7% of the population that they comprise can certainly be felt in any crowd.