#i get emotional sometimes bc wanderer is the best person* *alien ever and

[kolvinas]

Not liking strong warrior characters like Katniss or any other YA heroines doesn't make you unique or likable it just makes you whiny and annoying.

ok. i know i’m not unique the large population of ya readers are not warrior heroines and i feel like most, like me, relate to heroes who are strong in different ways… it’s why people like sydney sage so much, or why i like anna whitt (no one’s read sweet evil but you should), or winter or cress, or wanderer from the host. non violence is cool 😎!

everyone can like what they like but let’s all acknowledge that the majority of leads in ya novels are cold as ice, fall into a role where they somehow control everyone’s fate, yells at everyone and will fight anyone, and are “badass” by definition. that’s what the media pushes and that’s great for girls too, but not alone. realistically those aren’t roles many girls need to take when they’re tweens reading formative novels. everyone’s different, but i would say the majority of young girls being influenced by novels need to see that no matter how “weak” or powerless they feel in their situation, they can find ways to get the upper hand without the fates in your favor or combat skills. power comes in a lot more forms than strength or being aloof.

they should be able to see tris in divergent fighting, watch a girl hack a computer to help others, see a girl who wants more than anything to learn and her knowledge is valued, and see a girl whose kindness wins people over (that last part is important to me). the point is there’s a lot of roles in ya that are not explored bc of the emphasis on badassery and that’s not good alone.

[fuckthegovfucklove]

My progression through the relational orientations

This is a timeline of my progression through the different relational orientations, how I landed on each one and a summary of my analysis that led to the next.

monogamy

This is the universal level 1 that most of us begin and remain at. The values of monogamy are instilled in us from day dot. We adopt the love ideology, the idea that it is natural for us to experience romantic love that drives us into exclusive pseudo-matrimonial bonds. Two become one, one becomes two + [x] number of children and the nuclear family is formed. We are told that romantic love can only be shared by two people who must then build a life project together.

I’ve been in three monogamous relationships and was only sexually faithful in one. My poor effort at fidelity wasn’t what drove me to other options, I don’t think I ever cared for exclusivity much and always found myself wanting to “share” my partners anyway. I could be quite the escapist so I didn’t enjoy feeling responsible for meeting my partners every need or being guilted into doing things I didn’t want to, I didn’t want children for precisely this reason (although now I’m more of an anti-natalist). Truly, I was only monogamous because I was ignorant to other options so once I discovered the term polyamory on a BBC article and did more research, I was sold.

polyamory

Polyamory is defined as the freedom to maintain more than one romantic/sexual relationship with the consent of all of those involved. The poly sales pitch usually consists of jaunty declarations such as “love is abundant”, myth-busters like “one person can’t fulfil all your needs“ and disclaimers eg. “it’s not about sex“ to pacify the puritan. Most polyamorous folk see polyamory as an innate disposition so respect monogamy as a choice.

I loved the concept of polyamory and even went as far as to do two workshops on how great it was. My first poly relationship started off as a triad. It was fun, tricky to navigate at times especially since two of us went to the same university while the third studied in a neighbouring city so we saw less of them. Things started to get tricky the more in touch with myself I got.

Post-infatuation phase, I wanted my individuality back. The couple comes with it’s own code of conduct and rules, exclusive or not. It requires you to act a certain way at social events, keep your partner up to date with your every move and thought, plan all aspects of the future with them (or keep them in mind at least), policing and the breaking up of boundaries is considered justifiable  etc. I cared for my friends just as much as I cared for my partner but now I had to de-prioritise them and make all my important decisions with essentially a friend who I was also having sex with? It didn’t feel right. Streaks of dependency started creeping up and I started to feel my autonomy weakening. Also while jealousy wasn’t something I personally experienced (aromantic here), it was a recurring issue which while I was compassionate, it honestly made me feel like more of possession than a person.

relationship anarchy

This is an interesting one, it’s core is in releasing love from the private realm of the couple. Relationship anarchy essentially applies anarchist principles such as self-governance, voluntary association, anti-hierarchy and anti-coercion to interpersonal relationships. It advocates for the de-hierarchisation of romantic/sex-affective relationships and redistribution of physical/emotional intimacy, life partnering i.e child rearing and cohabiting and other typical coupley activities amongst all relationships. So for example having children and cohabiting with your childhood best friend, whilst running a football team with a romantic lover would be a viable decision. Everything that makes up a relationship is explicitly discussed and no assumptions should be made about the nature. It’s important to respect individual autonomy and boundaries too.

The title struck me as a bit eccentric but I was gung-ho for the concept. Finally a model that honoured my autonomy and individuality, and allowed me make decisions with whoever I wanted regardless of whether we were having sex or not. There’s something farcical about introducing oneself as a relationship anarchist so I just left it at non-monogamous. Clumsy title aside, this new way of conceptualising relationships was freeing. It also led to me forming my own personal politics with Anarchism as a base. My thoughts wandered back to aromanticism. I started thinking more about my disdain for romance, how I thought it was a wilful delusion and a method of mass mind control. I refused to build any meaningful relationship premised on a delusion. I felt like I was passed being aromantic but more anti-romance. Anti-love in fact, and all it’s trimming. I stumbled across this article on Pinterest that captured both my desire for free association and critique of love and romance that opened up another portal to explore.

agamy

Agamy does not present itself as another alternative non-monogamy model. It’s not tampering with the ‘mono’ part of monogamy or the ‘poly’ part of polyamory nor does it recognise ‘being in a relationship’ as synonymous to a romantic one. It’s concerned with the elimination of love, the bonds (gamic) that come with it and the alienating consequences.

Agamy recognises that love isn’t innately good  and is often deployed as a smokescreen for other agendas (sometimes unconscious to us). Even when love is perceived as good it’s largely unnecessary. Agamy, unlike gamic relational models, prioritises ethical judgement and reason over feelings and love. Love can no longer be a valid excuse for unjust or erratic behaviour. Love can no longer separate people from wider humanity. It’s about rejecting the establishment of relationship models.

You may then ask, how do you refer to different types of relationships and what is their make up? Well, relationships remain as the relationships themselves. They are freely and consciously managed by the people involved. This may sound vague and unnecessary (bc surely titles aren’t that deep), but in order to self-liberate we have to depart from customs that seek to categorise and control us, customs that don’t serve us and prove to be irrational after real thought.  Agamy is not an emotional, sexual or family vacuum, but a different, non-loving organisation of these elements.

More on agamy to come!

[junjunkii]

tagged by @fxvixen to share some things about my WIP fics so uhhh here we go I guess

Cosmonaut- IwaOi, sci-fi

— Iwaizumi is one of the best pilots from Earth, and he can push a spacecraft to its very limits like no one else before him ever has. I haven’t actually got most of the middle part worked out but the basic idea is that he finds his way to an alien planet and discovers the last remaining life form- Oikawa, who clearly used to be human but has somehow been adapted to more closely resemble the alien life forms that used to inhabit this planet. The fic centers around Iwaizumi and his team trying to figure out what exactly Oikawa is, and where he came from- and what the hell happened to his abandoned planet?

Also there will be angst bc Oikawa wants to wander off to find his people but Iwaizumi can’t follow him that far, even though he is the ace pilot. So ye.

[untitled]- BokuAka, canon universe and timeline

—I unabashedly project onto Akaashi to explore my debilitating touch starvation. Basically Bokuto is the only person Akaashi feels comfortable with asking for things like hugs and cuddling, and eventually he starts needing to be even closer… somehow… idk where this fic will end up it’s kind of just writing itself lol

Blackberry Promenade- initially planned as a BokuAka, now a BokuAkaKuroKen, modern magic

—Akaashi runs a flower shop across the tattoo parlor where Bokuto has just started working. Akaashi has housed extremely powerful plant magics since he was young, but because of an accident involving one of his moms that *SEMI TRUCK DRIVING BY* and years of repression he has managed to gain control over them. They manifest only in blackberry brambles that grow camouflaged in his hair, and sometimes bloom when his emotions get strong. Bokuto has owl familiars and a penchant for making potions. Kenma has telekinesis. And Kuroo is also housing powerful magics, but his are more *HELICOPTER FLYING OVERHEAD* so that’s going to get interesting.

I’m still not really sure about the actual plot like I want it to focus on the relationships between the characters and have the magic as a poignant background but to be honest. I’m considering making Akaashi have like… roots growing towards his heart or some shit and when everyone finds out that he’s literally dying they throw all their energy into trying to find a way to prevent it. But like I said. Who knows what I’ll actually end up writing lmao

[untitled but informally referred to as “the food fic”]- BokuAka, canon universe, aged up

—So Hope this is the one you wanted to know about I guess also congratulations you’ve introduced me to a new kink and I’m never fucking forgiving you for this do you hear me god damn it

Kuroo is annoyed that Akaashi is paying more attention to his food than to him when he’s on a double date with Kenma and Akaashi+Bokuto bc they haven’t seen each other in a while so he’s like! Talk to me! But no Akaashi loves his curry soooo much and Kuroo basically pulls the “lolololol well if you like it so much whY DoN’t yoU MarRy iT” line that first graders do only he turns it up to like level 5000000 and says something along the lines of “well if you like food so much why don’t you eat it off of bokuto and then fuck him” and everyone’s just like “what the fuck Kuroo put your kink away we’re at the dinner table”

but then later when they’re doing laundry or something Akaashi’s like (serious face) “bokuto. it’s killing me I can’t stop thinking about it” and bokuto’s like “lol I guess you could say it’s eATING YOU ALIVE” and Akaashi stuffs a sock in his face

and then they lick chocolate sauce and frosting off each other I don’t fucking know maybe bokuto has fucking… maraschino cherries on his nipples or some shit and then they make (literally) sweet sweet love. Oh my god that’s the name of the fic. “sweet love.” No nevermind that’s fucking stupid.

Writing this has been… interesting. I have no further comment on anything about this particular piece of fiction.

idk who to tag???? I’m always super up for hearing about ppl’s plans for writing so I can hype them up and stuff so feel free to say you saw me do it and decided to do it too