#i found a new pen i like yippie

[thehelltingvilleclub]

Guys I Finished it

GUH The boys, the lads +1, Im going to actually lose my mind over these nerds you have no idea.

This png is so big for no reason 13MB what the hell

[savebatsartedition]

Scratchcraft fanart again!!! (Much higher quality on Scratch.)

-

A LOT more notes under the cut!

Scratch link: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/891267487/

Youtube notes:

(PLEASE READ DESCRIPTION.) Here is my "artistic" version of pressing space through my fanart dump. Whoop dee doo. Enjoy I think. 

Idk why, but this recording RUINED the quality of the art. They look better in scratch bitmap if you can believe if. (My #scratchcraft tag on my tumblr art blog is another, possibly higher quality, place to look for this art as well.) 

Guys I PROMISE it's totally not blood. :3 

Instructions:  Right arrow, space or click to go forward, left arrow to go back. Do NOT steal my art! It's been too long! XD 

Drawings:  1: Storm and sand 2: Voidway fighting Tall from the Season 3 Finale 3: Carsick and the dragon puke fiasco (Ft. Spector and Hunted laughing at him.) 4. Storm killing Shulkers. :3 (He actually specifically asked me to make this one!) 5. Storm and his new house. :3 (I'm Storm's thumbnail person now, apparently.) 6. Storm flying through the cliffs 7. Storm flying through the cliffs (Alt) 8. Waterfall 9. Goodbye Huntedskelly! 10. Storm going shopping yippie! 11. Storm shopping with less effects. 12 - 13. Saltyy dragon au (I think I posted these before, but not with good photos lol) 14 - 15. Hunted dragon au (Same with the second of these) 16. Mallon dragon au (this one too) 17. Inkamar dragon au 18. Alexstudios dragon au 19. Carsick dragon au 20. Just a regular Huntedskelly :) 21 - 27. trying to work out Inkamar's design. 28 - 20. Foxlife37 (and the Cod God in the first one) 31. Waveii 32. Stormlordzeus 33. Magic_02 34. Mallonations 35. PotatoAnimator 36. Saltyy 37. Storm and the blue axolotl 38. Storm vs the Creamy Lama Pokemon battle 39. Just the Creamy Lama 40. Just Storm 41. Voidway and Saltical at the world meeting table from the first Hetalia episode. (None of the art on this slide is mine. I just edited it.) 42. Storm vs Warden 43. Storm vs Panda (lol) (Also it's the thumbnail of this project, ignore the text.) 44. Just Storm from that last one. 45. Storm with sand to celebrate his return. 46. A watercolor thing of Storm from a WHILE ago. 47. Another random Storm. 48. Mallonations 'cus he found another account of mine on a different website. [For the record, it was this one] 49. An old comparison of my two Kenpoviper designs. 50. A REALLY old drawing of Hunted I just don't think I've posted on Scratch. 51. Voidway to a song because he requested it lol 52. Kenpoviper for an expression challenge. 53. Huntedskelly for an expression challenge. 54. A warning thingy 55. Voidway for an expression challenge. 56-58: Voidway design details 59-67: Huntedskelly drawings I doodled in math. :3

30-36 was me asking my sisters to give me random scratchcrafters to draw. :) Fun! 

Feel free to ask in the comments lol. 

Notes and Credits: @savebatsfromscratch (me) for the art and designs. All creators are credited above in the list of drawings. Song: Unfounded Revenge Smashing Song of Praise - Super Smash Bros Version Hetalia for that one background lol. 

Programs/art materials used in the various drawings:   1.Scratch bitmap (Almost all digital artworks are entirely done with Scratch bitmap.)   2. Paper and pen (Literally, clearly these are not scratch bitmap.)   3. Some crayons in some cases.   4. A tiny bit of mspaint for editing some of them.   5. A tiny bit of scratch vector for the same reason.   6. A thing to stretch out the sides of the scratch thing for the last one. (Still bitmap though.)     7. Watercolor on that one of Storm kneeling on the ground from like three years ago??   8. DA Muro for the expression challenge ones.

[daringdoombringer]

Got bored and made this, now that I have a decent amount of Ocs now. Is this just an excuse to summarize their backstories? Yea probably. One things for certain I am FAR NICER to my Ocs than a lot of people. They are my children and they deserve happiness goddamit.

Tier One: Moderate to Typical Oc Trauma/yea you need therapy after that you’re ✨messed up✨ now

Matthew Fencer: Originally made solely as a protagonist for an MCYT horror game thing before evolving into his own character (and the “AU” evolved into its own thing/story/timeline whatever) so yeah I’d say he’s been through some crap. Mofo had SIX very angry people-turned-monsters trying to kill him cause they weren’t happy he was entering their town without permission (actually, at all). He didn’t even enter on purpose he was just kinda SCP-spacial-anomalied in there by chaos magic from several miles away while he was tryna take a walk poor guy. Bro needed a lot of therapy after risking his life to break a curse. But he did (kinda) make a friend during that whole fiasco and he has a wonderful girlfriend who was glad to see him alive after he went missing so ✨yippie✨ happy ending

Anchihiro.ExE: Was a human until Sonic.ExE/Xenophae killed them and now it’s a disembodied soul trapped in a Sonic ROM hack they shouldn’t have clicked on that’s floating around the internet. Idk how it would get therapy at this point since it’s yaknow… DEAD. (I still have the Gacha edit thing I made of their death for a video last summer. There is so much blood.) Pretty sure I did Anchihiro the most dirty out of everyone since they’re the only one who actually dies. Not to mention they are somehow trapped with the fucker who killed it in the first place (who is trying to gather human souls so they can become powerful enough to leave the video game realm) so yeah imagine being stuck with your sworn enemy in a video game for all eternity #skillissue At least it’s befriended Fleetway and Tails Doll so they’re not entirely alone????

Cyroblast: Was an elven soldier sent to the Frozen Wastelands of Vesh to find a treasure, got badly wounded and JUST ABOUT froze to death until King Pen found him and managed to revive him with Mind Magic. Now he’s half Undead and often wondering if he should even be alive. Also he’s realizing the king he worked for is actually an a-hole and wouldn’t have cared if the entire squadron died, he just wanted the treasure that probs don’t even exist. And did I mention his nose and mouth are just g o n e? (the head I used in Imaginators didn’t have em and it worked it’s way into his drawn design :P) But hey, he’s great with a blizzard bazooka and made plenty of awesome friends at the Academy who are there to help him, so I’d say he’s alright.

Raystrike: Hers isn’t even as bad as these other three she just had a strict/kinda mean family and now she has really low self esteem because of that. She did meet a bisexual fire spirt (Spellfire) who’s just as confused about the world as she is and they’re gay now along with Mysticat being like the genuinely supportive parent she never got so ✨yayyyy✨ she’s healing we love that

Tier Two: you had like one or two milder things happen you’ll be alright

Foreclash: Bro just got teleported into a cave while trying to get the vortex at Shellmont Shores under control, and was stuck there for I think a week before Starcast found them. Other than maybe some mild claustrophobia/homesickness he’s fine.

Shield Shocker: just daddy issues lol. He just hates the fact his father (a very powerful tornado dragon) is evil and wants to spite him. The dad also plays a role with Cool Factor but we’ll get to that in a moment.

Shade Ace: found a weird spell in a book and it cursed them/turned them into an undead lizardy thingy don’t do necromancy kids

Mecha Quad: His workshop was attacked by Greeble air barons and he lost his legs. He should’ve died but he was like PEACE WAS NEVER AN OPTION and he built himself a new set of cyborg legs, tracked down the baron base and beat all their asses. Bro death/giving up could’ve been a one-way street but you somehow did a u-turn you go dude✨✨✨

Tier Three: no trauma, you’re good👍

I’m just gonna stick Cool Factor’s summary here cause something did happen to him but it wasn’t necessarily bad for him or anything. The curse Shield Shocker’s dad put on him just caused him to be part dragon and have his dry ice powers/magic and he was like “oh hey this is cool :D” Cool Factor and Shield Shocker did have a V E R Y awkward conversation about it (cause none of Factor’s family really told him about it) so other than MAYBE a mini epiphany he’s completely fine.

And uh everyone else didn’t really have anything major happen: Spellfire’s just glad to have a physical form (and an awesome girlfriend), Trick Black bamboozled Count Moneybone cause they didn’t wanna join him, Heat Stroke helped Freeze Blade and Doom Stone destroy some Evilizers, Spring Bloom was accidentally created after Hoot Loop zapped a tree, and Ground Pound has barely even been brainstormed yet. But yeah that’s everybody, I love them all✨✨✨✨✨

OH AND ONE MORE THING SHIELD SHOCKER AND SHADE ACE ARE GAY

[eddie-redmayne-italian-blog]

photos by Frank Ockenfels

The Long Journey and Intense Urgency of Aaron Sorkin's 'The Trial of the Chicago 7'

by Rebecca Keegan September 23, 2020, 6:00  am PDT

The director of the Netflix film, which stars Sacha Baron Cohen, Jeremy Strong, Eddie Redmayne and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, reveals why it took nearly 20 years to get the project about the politically motivated prosecution of protestors made and why it couldn't be more timely: "I never imagined today would go so much like 1968."

In October 2019, hundreds of protesters marched down Chicago’s Michigan Avenue toward the Hilton, chanting phrases like "No justice, no peace!" and "A people united will never be defeated!" as police in riot gear descended on the crowd with billy clubs and tear gas. Earnest and energized, clad in 1960s period costumes and flanked by vintage police vehicles, this group thought they were acting out the past, staging a scene from Aaron Sorkin’s The Trial of the Chicago 7. As it turned out, they were performing the future, too.

Sorkin’s film, which opens in select theaters Sept. 25 and hits Netflix on Oct.  16, tells the story of the riots at the 1968 Chicago Democratic National Convention and the circus-like trial of political activists that followed the next year. Thanks to Hollywood development hell, the movie is arriving 14  years after Steven Spielberg first mentioned the idea to Sorkin but just as its themes and plot points — civil unrest, a self-proclaimed "law and order" president’s vilification of protesters (Nixon then, Trump now), the police’s excessive use of force, tensions within the Democratic Party over how far left to move — have become bracingly current."I never wanted the film to be about 1968," Sorkin says in an interview over Zoom from his house in the Hollywood Hills on Labor Day weekend. "I never wanted it to be an exercise in nostalgia or a history lesson. I wanted it to be about today. But I never imagined that today would get so much like 1968."For only the second time in a career spanning nine films as a screenwriter, Sorkin serves as director with Chicago 7, helming a sprawling ensemble cast that includes Eddie Redmayne as anti-war activist Tom Hayden, Sacha Baron Cohen as Youth International Party (Yippie) provocateur Abbie Hoffman, Succession’s Jeremy Strong as counterculture figure Jerry Rubin and Watchmen’s Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as Black Panther party co-founder Bobby Seale. There are undeniable parallels not only between the film and the present political moment but also between the performance-art activism of the actors and the men they’re playing, most vividly Cohen, who, like Hoffman, has made a career of political self-expression through comedic stunts, including crashing a far-right rally in Olympia, Washington, this summer while pretending to be a racist country singer. (Cohen, who shoots most of his satirical projects incognito, impishly calls reports of his appearance at the rally  "fake news.")Eight months after Sorkin filmed the protest scenes in Chicago, Abdul-Mateen was marching in Black Lives Matter protests in West Hollywood, as was Strong in Brooklyn. "There’s power when a lot of people come together to protest out of anger, out of frustration," Abdul-Mateen says. "Everybody has a role in the revolution; this film shows that.

"Though the movie feels crafted for this political moment, it was born of another. At Sorkin’s first meeting with Spielberg, "I remember him saying, 'It would be great if we could have this out before the election,'" Sorkin says. The election Spielberg was talking about was 2008’s, when Barack Obama and Joe Biden faced John McCain and Sarah Palin.The film hit multiple roadblocks, beginning with the 2007-08 writers strike and continuing as financing faltered repeatedly, a fate illustrated by the more than 30 producers who can claim some sort of credit on Chicago 7. It took another unscheduled detour this summer after Sorkin finished it as the pandemic worsened, and the odds of original distributor Paramount mounting a successful theatrical release before the Nov. 3 election seemed increasingly slim. For some involved with the film, there is a question about the ethics of Hollywood inviting audiences to return to theaters before a COVID-19 vaccine is widely available. "

There’s a moral quandary that we, the motion picture business, have to be careful that we don’t become the tobacco industry, where we’re encouraging people to do something we know is potentially lethal," says Cohen.Before his visit to Spielberg’s Pacific Palisades home to discuss the project on a Saturday afternoon in 2006, Sorkin knew next to nothing about the Chicago 7. The federal government had charged seven defendants — Hoffman, Rubin, Hayden, David Dellinger, Rennie Davis, John Froines and Lee Weiner — with conspiracy for their participation in the protests against the Vietnam War outside the Democratic National Convention. (Originally the men were known as the Chicago 8 and included Seale, who asked to have his trial separated from that of the others and postponed so that he could be represented by his preferred lawyer, who was ill; that trial never took place.)

When Spielberg proposed a movie about the riots and the trial that followed, Sorkin, who was 7 in 1968, said, "'You know, that sounds great. Count me in.' As soon as I left his house, I called my father and said, 'Dad, do you know anything about a riot that happened in 1968 or a crazy conspiracy trial that followed?' I was just saying yes to Steven."Despite his ignorance, Sorkin was a logical choice to write the project: Having penned Broadway’s A Few Good Men and its 1992 film adaptation as well as the long-running NBC series West Wing, he’d shown a flair for dramatizing courtroom procedures and liberal politics, and he turned in his first draft of the Chicago 7 script in 2007. Originally, Spielberg planned to direct the project himself, but by the time the writers strike was over, he had moved on and a number of other potential directors circled, including Paul Greengrass, Ben Stiller, Peter Berg and Gary Ross, though none was able to get it off the ground. "There was just a feeling that, 'Look, this isn’t an Avengers film,'" Sorkin says of the studios' move away from midbudget dramas and toward action tentpoles in the 2010s. "This isn’t an easy sell at the box office. And there are big scenes, riots, crowd scenes. How can this movie be done for the budget that makes sense for what the expectation is at the box office?"As the project languished, Sorkin tried writing it as a play, ultimately spending 18 months on a fruitless effort to fashion a stage treatment. "What I didn’t like was having a script in my drawer," he says. "I was just thinking, 'Jeez, this is a good movie and it feels like it’s stillborn.'"It was the confluence of two events that ultimately revived the film with Sorkin in the director’s chair in 2018 — the 2016 election of Donald Trump and the 2017 release of Sorkin’s well-received directorial debut, Molly’s Game, which doubled its production budget at the box office. "This is before George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and police protests or confrontations," Sorkin says. "This is just when Donald Trump was musing nostalgically about the old days when they used to carry that guy [a protester] out of here on a stretcher and punch the crap out of him."With Trump’s throwback rhetoric lending the subject matter a new timeliness and Sorkin’s directing chops confirmed in Spielberg’s eyes, the movie moved forward with its screenwriter at the helm.

Cross Creek Pictures came in to finance, and Paramount bought the domestic rights. But all those years in development had left an expensive imprint on the project — a jaw-dropping $11  million had been spent on casting costs, producing fees and the optioning of Brett Morgen’s 2007 documentary about the event, Chicago 10, leaving just $24  million for the actual 36-day production.

One way Sorkin attempts to achieve a sense  of scope despite that budget is by intercutting real black-and-white news footage with his dramatized protests. He rounded out his large cast with a deep bench of experienced and award-winning actors including Oscar winner Mark Rylance as defense attorney William Kunstler, Oscar nominee Frank Langella as Judge Julius Hoffman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as prosecutor Richard Schultzand, Oscar nominee Michael Keaton as former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark — with the filmmaker and many of his actors working for scale. (Abdul-Mateen and Strong both became first-time Emmy winners Sept.  20.)Sorkin shot the protest scenes on location in Chicago and built a courtroom set in an old church sanctuary in Paterson, New Jersey, because none of the available courtroom locations in the Garden State conveyed the scope he wanted. "If we’re saying the whole world is watching, I want a packed courtroom for six months full of press and spectators," Sorkin says. "I wanted the big, cavernous feeling of the federal government and its power coming down on these people."

Julian Wasser/The LIFE Images Collection via Getty Images/Getty Images           "The movie is tribute to the bravery of the protesters of 1968 [pictured] and today in Belarus, on the streets of America, in Portland," says Cohen.            

Among the vestiges of Spielberg’s original plan was the casting of Cohen as Hoffman, which required the London native to affect a Boston accent and return to a subject he had studied as an undergraduate at Christ’s College in Cambridge, where he wrote a thesis paper about Jewish activists during the civil rights movement. At 19, Cohen had interviewed Bob Moses, the leader of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee, which Hoffman was involved in before he founded the anti-war Yippie movement. "Honestly, I was very proud of the fact that Jews were involved in the Black civil rights movement in the '60s, and there wasn’t much written about it," Cohen says, explaining his youthful scholarship.

There’s a clear line to draw between Hoffman’s 1960s theatrics — which included throwing fistfuls of money into the gallery of the New York Stock Exchange and vowing to levitate the Pentagon — and Cohen’s contemporary TV and film pranks. Perhaps among Cohen’s most memorable and pointed gags was getting Vice President Dick Cheney to gleefully autograph a waterboard kit, which the comic did while posing as an admiring Israeli anti-terror expert for a 2018 episode of Who Is America?, his Showtime series. “What I wanted to do was to show that he was proud of torturing," Cohen says. "I could not believe how happy Cheney was to be sitting next to an uber-fan. So, yes. Ultimately in the shows and the movies that I do, I’m trying to be funny, but yeah, I’m trying to get out the anger that I have within me."

Cohen sees Hoffman’s unorthodox protest methods as pragmatic. "The Yippies were underfunded, and he was using theatricality to gain attention for his aims," Cohen says. "He wanted to stop the war. And how do you do that? You use stunts and absurdist humor to try to effect change." The actor estimates that, after researching Hoffman, he pitched Sorkin hundreds of lines the activist had really delivered. "As an annoying person with a lot of chutzpah, I was emailing Aaron every other night until morning, 'What about this line? What about this line?'" Cohen says. The writer-director, known for his exacting prose, politely tolerated the suggestions while largely sticking to his own script.

As Rubin, Strong is playing Hoffman’s conscientious jester sidekick, a role wildly different from the tragic, wealthy approval seeker he portrays on Succession. Strong added some of his own dramatic flourishes, including painting words on his chest for one courtroom scene and bringing a remote-controlled fart machine to disrupt Langella’s imperious judge. "I wanted to channel as much as possible that spirit of the merry prankster and of joyous dissent," Strong says. Hoffman and Rubin’s real-life personae were so large that Sorkin at times asked his actors to dial down their faithful portrayals, requesting, after one particularly jubilant take, "less cowbell."

Sorkin’s script draws a sharp contrast between Hoffman and Rubin’s campy methods and Hayden’s more reserved approach to the anti-war movement, with the tensions between Hoffman and Hayden supplying the film’s key relationship in a kind of begrudging brotherhood of the peace movement. To learn more about Hayden, Redmayne studied remarks that Jane Fonda, who was married to the activist and politician from 1973 to 1990, made upon his death in 2016. In his own life, Redmayne is cautious when it comes to discussing the role that he, as an actor at the center of a huge studio franchise (Warner Bros.’ Fantastic Beasts) might have in political life. "I find it endlessly challenging," Redmayne says of navigating his public activism. "There’s the elitist thing. It’s speaking up on climate change but being conscious that you’re traveling a lot. One has to be aware of one’s own hypocrisies, because they can be detrimental to something you believe in. So sometimes I find that I have to live my life and speak to my advocacy in a way in that it’s around friends, family and people I know rather than making something public."

Abdul-Mateen has begun his acting career largely associated with fantastical roles, like Dr. Manhattan on HBO’s Watchmen, Black Manta in Aquaman and Candyman in the upcoming Jordan Peele-produced remake of the slasher film. Playing Seale represented a chance to do more grounded work and to depict a man who had loomed large during Abdul-Mateen’s childhood in Oakland, where Seale co-founded the Black Panthers in 1966 and later ran for mayor. Seale’s inclusion in the original Chicago riots indictment was controversial and strange — prosecutors accused him of conspiring with men he’d never met after visiting Chicago that week for only a few hours to deliver a speech. For the prosecution, Seale functioned largely as a prop to tap into the fears of white jurors and white Americans watching the news coverage, and during the trial he had no attorney. "I wanted to key in on, how did Bobby Seale survive this trial?" Abdul-Mateen says. "How did he survive the gross mistreatment by the United States government, and how did he go through that with his head high and not be broken? It was an exercise in finding my pride, finding my dignity."

In one scene, Seale is brought into the courtroom bound and gagged, and throughout the trial he is kept separate from the white defendants. "Although it was meant to be a humiliating act, I walked out with my chest high, with my head high. Bound and gagged and everything else. It would be very dangerous for a Black man in that time, even sometimes today, to show the proof of the wear and tear that oppression can take on a person, because that can be seen as a sign of weakness, and a sign of weakness is an open door that it’s working." For the moments of lightness that Cohen and Strong bring to the movie, Abdul-Mateen supplies ballast. "It’s important for the right reasons and at the right time to make art that makes people uncomfortable," he says.

Niko Tavernise/NETFLIX. On the set, from left, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Mark Rylance, Ben Shenkman, Aaron Sorkin and Eddie Redmayne

Spielberg has remained involved in the film "in an emeritus role," Sorkin says, "from giving me good script notes to casting to notes on early cuts of the film." He also showed up to the New Jersey courtroom set. "When you have to direct a scene in front of Steven Spielberg, you’re not at your most relaxed necessarily," Sorkin says. Spielberg did not, however, take an executive producing credit on the film and declined to be interviewed about it.

The decision to switch to a streaming release came after an early summer marketing strategy call between Sorkin, Paramount chief Jim Gianopulos, other Paramount execs and some of the film’s producers. "At the end of the call, Jim said, 'Listen, we don’t know what the theater business is going to look like in the fall. We have troubling data telling us that the first people back in movie theaters are going to be the people who think that the coronavirus is a hoax,'" Sorkin says. This was clearly not the intended audience for a movie whose heroes are liberal activists. "I said, 'I don’t think the Idaho militia are going to be the first people coming to this movie,'" Sorkin says.

The group agreed to explore alternatives and gave Netflix, Amazon, Apple and Hulu 24 hours to watch the film. After a bidding war, Chicago 7 landed at Netflix in a $56  million deal against its $35  million production budget, with a robust marketing campaign and promise of a theatrical release. "We knew we didn’t have the option of 'Let’s wait a year,'" Sorkin says. "This is what we’re thinking about and what we’re talking about right now, and it just would have been a real shame to not release it now."

After Chicago 7 opens in limited release, Netflix will add more theaters in the U.S. and abroad throughout October, expanding upon the film’s premiere on the service, a strategy akin to what it provided Oscar best picture nominees The Irishman and Roma, albeit in a wildly different theatrical environment.

As Hollywood opens up to more production, Sorkin, and many of the Chicago 7 actors, have begun returning to work. Abdul-Mateen has been in Berlin for The Matrix 4 and Redmayne in London for Fantastic Beasts 3, while Sorkin is shooting a West Wing reunion special at the Orpheum Theatre in downtown L.A. that will premiere on HBO Max in October as a fundraiser for When We All Vote and include video appearances by Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton and Lin-Manuel Miranda

For the real-life Chicago 7, the denouement consisted of ultimately being acquitted of conspiracy. Judge Hoffman sentenced Seale to four years in prison for contempt of court, one of the longest sentences ever handed down for that offense in the U.S., but those charges were overturned on appeal. Just three of the original eight defendants — Seale, Froines and Weiner — are still alive, but the legacy of the case lives on in contemporary protest movements. "The movie is tribute to the bravery of the protesters of 1968 and the protesters of today in Belarus, on the streets of America, in Portland," Cohen says. "These people now are risking their lives, and they’ll continue risking them."

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/features/the-trial-of-the-chicago-7-aaron-sorkin-and-stars-on-films-timeliness-to-election-and-why-everybody-has-a-role-in-the-revolution

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

Blake's Birthday Special

Hi, peeps! So, birthday specials are currently being set up as a time-exclusive item on my Patreon, meaning Patrons see them first and the public sees them later! So, here's the Blake Birthday special!

++++++++++

You curse softly under your breath as the timer on the oven goes off, nearly causing you to drop the glass display dish in your hands. You hurriedly set it down on your counter by the microwave and shuffle to the oven to check on the two cake layers. You quickly open the oven and slip on some cooking mits before grabbing the dull metal pans off the rack and setting them down on the stove top. "Oh, thank God." You let out a relieved huff as you find the spice cakes well-settled in their pans and not burnt. You close the oven and change the temperature, then pull your mits off and toss them onto the counter. You take your apron edge and wipe your brow. "Well… that's done." 

Grabbing an ink pen, you pull your mini notepad out of your back pocket and look at the list written on it. 

"To-Dos: 

-Bake cakes (spice) 

-Let cakes sit (DON'T TAKE OUT OF PAN UNTIL COOL) 

-Ice cakes

-Make potato salad (call Blake's mom for recipe if you forget) 

-Ask Freja for help on fried catfish 

-Make baked macaroni 

-Get those cheap sugar cookies 

-Put up birthday banners with Iris (DONT LET HER BURN THE HOUSE DOWN) 

-Pick up balloons and booze (Adontis took care of that)"

You check off parts on the list, and just to be entirely sure, you glance to the streamers and banners decorating your kitchen and living room, then to the tinsel wrapped around your stairs' railing, then to the bundles of balloons in every corner. Well, no one can say it's not festively decorated. Maybe too much so. 

You tuck the notepad and pen back into your pocket as you walk over to where you have a pan laid out in front of the microwave. You heave the large black pot off the stove top and begin pouring mac and cheese into the pan to prep the baked macaroni, still going over in your head everything you still have to do before the party. 

-----

"So, how long till he gets here?" You watch Iris check the old black metal pocket watch currently attached somewhere deep into her coat. 

"T-minus five minutes," she drawls, tucking the watch back down. "He got a little backed up in traffic." Her eyes dart to you, her lashes fluttering in a way that has you and Freja both stiffening. "So, what sort of extra special gifts you got planned for your lover boy tonight, hmm?" 

"None of your business-" 

"Iris-" 

"What what? It's an honest question!" She feigns offense, but it's ruined by the little shitty smirk on her full lips. You roll your eyes- 

Knock knock knock. 

-and nearly have a heart attack as Blake's familiar heavy knocks sound at the door. With your heart fluttering almost sickeningly in your chest, you shoot everyone an excited glance before darting forward to the door. "Baby, it's me, open up-" 

As you open the door, everyone and yourself included yell, "Surprise!" You dance out of his way as he comes in with a confused smile, but after a moment of him taking in your heavily decorated house and the practically overflowing kitchen filled with food, you see a deep redness beginning to flush up his neck. "Oh man, guys ya didn't have to-" 

"Hush," Freja interrupts with an arch stare and a cocking of her hip. "Of course we did this for you." A little smile plays on her pale lips, and her effort to hide it is less than usual. "Besides, you are the baby of the team. When you get over, say, one hundred years, we'll stop making you celebrate so lavishly." 

As you move to where you are pressed against his side under his jacket with your hands on his back and chest, you look up to see the slightly annoyed look on his face and try to hold in your laughter. "Awh, thanks, shall I also bend over for you to give my birthday whuppin?" You let out a very unflattering noise as your laughter, and everyone else's, blurts out at both his words and the new look on Freja's face. 

After a moment of glaring at him, she bustles off to the kitchen to grab the candles while you steer Blake into the living room where a pile of presents sits below a particularly loud birthday banner and behind a table with his cake on it. "Are you ready for us to sing to you and make your big birthday wish?"

He looks down and returns your smile as his hand splays warmly over your lower back. "I might be. Are you gonna tell me what all you got me?" You feel a wicked grin curl your lips. 

"Well, some of it's here… and some of it's waiting for you later." 

"Oh?" 

"Mhmm." You see heat flare in his eyes and you have to look away to keep from being set on fire by it. Well, on the outside, anyway. Adontis scoots down the couch to make room for you both beside him. Blake pulls his jacket off before joining you and throws it to Iris, who grabs one arm of it and spins it around her head while whooping and shaking her hips. The room fills with laughter again, even Freja's light laughter as she appears with the candles in hand, slightly shaking her head. Loche moves to help her place them, one of those long-stem lighters tucked into one of his hands. "Well, old man, you best start figuring out that big birthday wish." 

"'Old man'? I'm not that old-" 

"You are older than me, so yes, I do think that makes you rather old," Markus teases from one of the kitchen chairs that were brought into the living room. Blake gives him a droll look that earns him an answering coy smirk. "The youngest of the team outside of your partner, and still older than your ancient wrangler. Alas, the woes of old men." 

"I'm not old." You yelp when he gives you a sharp tap on your bottom, and you give him an answering one on his inner thigh. "Ouch!" 

"Can't even take as good as you give," Adontis tsks. "The signs of old age." 

"You can't even talk about old, there's bedrock younger than you." Another chorus of laughter erupts as you duck down while Blake and Adontis have a play-fight by slapping at each other. 

"Settle down, settle down! If you upturn this table, not even the Ancients will be able to save you lot from what I'll do to you," Freja hisses threateningly as she places the last two candles. It's rather comedic to see two men nearly twice her size move so quickly away from each other that the couch nearly tips backwards to avoid her wrath. 

"Is it ready?" Fawn's voice drifts from behind you. Freja nods, to which Loche quickly begins to light the candles. You lightly rub Blake's knee as he does, up till he finishes, then you stand. 

"Alright guys, all together now…" 

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Blake, happy birthday to you!" After that last part, the song breaks into different lines from everyone, including "And to many more!", "You look like a monkey, and smell even worse!", And "Yippie!" 

While you and Freja portion out slices of the buttercream-covered spice cake, you can feel Blake's on you the entire time. 

-----

Later, after everyone has wandered either out onto your porches or to the living room, you find yourself alone in the kitchen with Blake as you start to wrap up the leftovers and he helps himself to more food. After a small comfortable silence, he chuckles. "I still can't get it out of my head how Loche reacted to the surprise rolls." You join him in laughing, recalling the leopard man's immediate facial contortion after biting into one of your special 'surprise rolls'. A sourdough roll filled with pickled meat, some fresh vegetables, and french dressing, he wasn't quite ready for the sour and tangy flavor he found. 

"I was worried he'd spit it out, but after that first bite he ended up eating five of them." As you tuck another Tupperware bowl into your fridge, you feel Blake's large, warm hands lightly wrap around your hips. You shut the fridge door and lean back into his chest, letting your hands reach up to run down his cheek and through his hair. 

"Thank you. For the party, for the cake, for… everything." Something in his voice tugs at your chest when he says 'everything'. You lean your head back and smile at him even though he's got an almost somber expression at the moment. 

"Of course, you're absolutely welcome. You deserve it. All of it." You turn in his arms and wrap yours around his waist, and he moves his arms to wrap around you, pulling you tightly to him. 

"I love you. You know that, right?" 

"Of course I do. And I love you too." 

"Yeah. Don't know how I managed that one, but it seems I'm starting to do something right." He buries his face in your hair, and you feel utterly… at home. At peace.  

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyway, enough of that horseshit. Back ta our D-to-tha-izzate with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: T-H-to-tha-izzat be, if yizzle be ok wit call'n it a date! Be you ok wit dis be'n a date? Chill as I take you on a trip. I mean lizzike a romantic one??

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i... y- NEPETIZZLE: :33 < yes? Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i miznean, sure! :33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yiznay!!!!!

NEPETASPRITE: Holla! :33 < but i still dont... actizzle know yizzay thizzat W-to-tha-izzell? NEPETASPRITE: :33 < at lizzle not the roze P-to-tha-izzart of you ya dig? NEPETIZZLE: :33 < but i suppoze maybe that be tha piznoint of a dizzle... ta git ta know tha rappa person a biznit killa? Boo-Yaa!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes! Yes Nepeta, exactlizzle! That be exactly tha pizzy of a date! :3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < h33h33, okay then like old skool shit! NEPIZZLE, betta check yo self: :33 < uh hmmmm so what do we rap 'bout?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Messin' yizzay would like, beautiful cuz Im tha Double O G. ;3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ... Nigga get shut up or get wet up. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < j33z NEPETASPRITE: :33 < roze NEPETIZZLE: :33 < i mean NEPETASPRITE gangsta style: :33 < roze cat...

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jasproze!

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < jasproze i... NEPETASPRITE cuz its a pimp thang: :33 < h33h33h33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: W-H-to-tha-izzat be it?

NEPIZZLE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < youre making me blush! NEPIZZLE: :33 < mah head probablizzle looks lizzay a biznig old olive hizzle

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It quite a lovely color like this and like that and like this and uh. :3:3:3

NEPETASPRITE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. :33 < i dont... NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ahhhh! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < X33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be sum-m sum-m W-R-to-tha-izzong?

NEPETIZZLE: :33 < no i jiznust NEPETASPRITE: :33 < sorry NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ive neva really had anybody like me befizzle! NEPIZZLE: :33 < im not sure how ta hiznandle it

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I find dis verizzle hiznard ta believe. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nobody? Be you sizzay??

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < pretty siznure!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Whiznat a reprehensible injustice fo all my homies in the pen. Had yo' colleagues no taste???

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < heh NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hizzay on me a few timizzles NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advizzles always striznuck me as cizzy n insincere

JASPROSESPRITE^2: A pox on tha name of dis charlatan, chill yo. I H-to-tha-izziss on hizzay grizzle.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hes dead in all flavas?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes straight from long beach nigga.

NEPETASPRITE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < gosh NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i mean... Snoop dogg is in this bitch. he could be kizzle of a jerk sometimes bizzy that be still a shizzame :((

JASPROSESPRITE^2: No it isn't like this and like that and like this and uh. It fizzle. Pleaze! Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. Continue!

NEPETASPRITE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: :33 < huh?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You were spendin'? 'bout bein liked!

NEPETASPRITE if you gots a paper stack: :33 < oh right NEPIZZLE: :33 < um i be jiznust NEPETIZZLE: :33 < still somewhat confuze'? NEPETASPRITE with my forty-fo' mag: :33 < im not sure whizny you like me NEPETASPRIZZLE: :33 < not that im not flattered in tha mutha fuckin club! NEPETASPRITE with the S-N-double-O-P: :33 < bizzay you dont really know much 'bout me NEPETASPRITE: :33 < or ya feelin' me? NEPETASPRITE: Tru niggaz do niggaz. :33 < d-ya?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: No, not R-E-A-Double-Lizzy. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I just know that you be very pretty, n fizzy mah limited interactizzle wit yizzay as a cat, that you be personable n kind. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don't nee' to know much elze about you ta like you fo all my homies in the pen. I be a catgirl of sizzimple tastes. :3

NEPETASPRITE so jus' chill: :33 < haha NEPIZZLE: :33 < ok NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i gizzuess i cant argizzle wit that! NEPIZZLE: :33 < fo` whiznat its wizzle yizzou s33m very funky ass n pretty as well

JASPROSESPRITE^2: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: (Jizzle, dizzle yizzay hear that?!) JASPROSESPRITE^2: (She likes me too! Real niggas recognize the realness. Dis be almost tizzle good ta be trizzle.)

JAKE: I thiznink you S-H-to-tha-izzould both kiss!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: JAKE!!! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Pleaze, mind yo' manna. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I miznean, nizzle thizzay that isn't an EXCELLENT idea. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But all th'n in due tiznime. Thizzay be a PROCIZZLE ta dis cizzle business. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Much how one doesn't just LIE DIZZOWN fo` a nap. Tha weed-smokin' must be ritualisticallizzle knizzle n massage' before lower'n onizzle 'n a circular fashion fo` a prime snooz'n position.

NEPIZZLE: Anotha dogg house production. :33 <  thats off tha hook yo:oo NEPIZZLE: :33 < oh mah goodness what a beautsnifful analogizzle  fo' real:'33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, shizzay hizzay only been prototyped once. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I belizzle unprototyped or once-prototyped kernels cizzle weatha brief or incidental contact, thizne sizzle way you can investizzle tha flame of a candle witout burn'n yo' noze as liznong as you be quick enough. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But the sort of contact we be bustin' 'bout here would be ANYTH'N but incidental.  in tha dogg pound;3  and yo momma;3 ;3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < omg NEPETASPRITE: :33 < yiznou be doggy stylin' me blizzush again wit all dis straight trippin' rap! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hizzle cizzy yiznou be so forwizzle 'bout thoze th'n now pass the glock? NEPETASPRITE: Slap your mutha fuckin self. :33 < i have pusha met anyone who was so brizzle n confident 'bout lik'n somebody NEPETASPRIZZLE: :33 < hiznow d-ya do it???

JASPROSESPRITE^2: There isn't much tizzle it. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I uze' ta be quite guarded 'bout mah feel'n as a girl. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But ciznats do not hizzave complicizzle thizzay 'bout whizzay should be expresze' and W-H-to-tha-izzen. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Whiznat ta convey 'bout yo' current sizzy of mind be everyth'n. When ta do it be now.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < dont git me wrong jasproze i have a bootylicious affinity fo` all th'n feline 'n nature NEPETASPRITE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. :33 < but its neva b33n tizzy S-to-tha-izzimple fo` me! NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i git so shy n worry W-H-to-tha-izzat thugz might think of me if i sizzay hizzay i f33l NEPETASPRITE doggystyle: :33 < im always so scarizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat thizzle wont f33l the sizzay way or jizzle T-H-to-tha-izzink im stupid or pathetic or sum-m sum-m

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Was thizzere someone you had feel'n fo` you couldn't rap ta 'bout?

NEPETASPRITE: They call me tha black folks president. :33 < ummmm NEPETASPRITE to increase tha peace: :33 < yizzle

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wizzy?

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ummmmmmmm NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno im embarrasze' ta say!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You can tell me Nepizzle! Pleaze tell me yo' secret will be safe, I promize mah nizzle!

NEPETASPRITE: They call me tha black folks president. :33 < well NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ok NEPETASPRITE: :33 < as long as yizzy cizzan really k33p a sneakret cuz this is how we do it!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mah mizzuzzle be sealed. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat NEPETASPRITE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: :33 < but i neva told him n im pretty sure he nevizzle found out how i F-to-tha-izzelt bitch ass nigga!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Karkat eh, betta check yo self? JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'll let you 'n on a shawty sneakret tizzoo. You dodge' a vigorous spritz'n witta spriznay bottle there. JASPROSESPRITE^2: He wouldn't be any good fo` yiznou. Oh no no and yo momma.

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < why? Anotha dogg house production.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Too many nigga issizzles. Always wit tha shout'n n whizzle. He way tizzay volatile, chill yo!

NEPETASPRITE ya dig? :33 < biznut... i liked that about him!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, but that isn't even all there be ta it! JASPROSESPRITE^2: On our journey he wizzy so obsizzle n controll'n toward hizzy desired matesprit. I do not believe thizzat be anizzle wizzle ta treat a lady! JASPROSESPRITE^2: On tha contrary Nepeta. You deserve sizzle wizzy will RESPECT n ADORE you.

NEPETASPRITE so bow down to the bow wow! :33 < well... Slap your mutha fuckin self. yes NEPETIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: :33 < i alwizzles hoped ta find someone lizzike that sizzy dizzle NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dizzay miznaybe Y-to-tha-izzoure riznight but 'n spite of nigga problizzles he might have i alwizzles felt like i sizzle sum-m sum-m 'n hiznim that made me think he could be thizzat purrson!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: N-to-tha-izzope with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back Sorry to be tha meowa of bad news. He be just not cut out fizzay you! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, he be involved wit someone elze now 'n that quadrant. He has mizzle on fo' sho'. N so H-to-tha-izzave yiznou! JASPROSESPRITE^2: You be now a sprite. Neitha of us have the same connection ta tha liv'n we once hizzy with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back JASPROSESPRITE^2: 'n quite a rizzeal senze, it be fair ta sizzay that all we have niznow... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be each brotha. :3

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < a mah nizzle...

DAVESPRITE: hey W-H-to-tha-izzats up

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[throwinggrapesoffthebalcony]

preface to HOW TO GROW ROSES

A conversation this week led me into this next preface for one of the more important books that I’ve written in my life. This was a very different place when I arrived here as a young man. At a time when if you’d told me I’d ever have gray in my hair I would have laughed at you. I was like the nature of the place at the time, beautiful, classic, maybe post-golden age but the most golden age that I’ve ever experienced this place. Every year after has become less significant, in so many ways. There was still room, space, between places and people. It was when you could take a walk into the hills and wouldn’t have a car pass you for half an hour or more. Silent, peaceful, perfect weather. It was like taking a walk in some far off foreign country that you dreamed of going to. I always felt like I was somewhere else when taking my walks during those years, almost feeling no need to go anywhere else. It was an afternoon like this, taking one of my walks up into Beverly Hills that I found myself stopped and staring at a satellite. It was a moment, a sight, that was the inception of this novel. And it wasn’t a satellite that had fallen to earth; that would make for an interesting start of a novel indeed. But it was a big faded gray satellite dish in someone’s backyard, full of autumn leaves. Who lived there, who sat by the pool, what was the TV like? It was a sunny, clear, crisp afternoon, and I thought it was such a beautiful sight, this object left from an era that had passed, and in my eyes still trying to communicate with something that we’d left behind, as the silver satellite in the outer atmosphere orbited the earth with no transmission. That afternoon and the sight of that satellite dish is where I began the first passages of How To Grow Roses, which was the expression of my disappointment at how this world worked, as it was made clear to me at the time… This preface is not only meant to elucidate the conception of How To Grow Roses but is also a deeper glimpse into my approach, motivation, and desire in creating a literary work, which is never rational, or sane, no matter what logic it’s based on. It’s less a glorious pursuit than a sickness placed onto oneself.

Walking was like getting out into the water for me. When I was young, spending hours and hours in the water was a way for me to remove myself from the disturbances of an unperfect life. Walks provided that same sort of solitude. They were never normal paths and most wouldn’t for any reason walk the distances I would, for potentially no reason. Walks to the coast were easy, I couldn’t wait to get there, to arrive at the Pacific. The walks into the hills and at times over and towards the valley were more wandering and less brisk. In a way I always felt like some botanist, but without the same intention, an accidental botanist, perhaps. There were always the occasional conversations along the way. I was lucky, in that people were usually curious of me and would take the extra time to converse and sometimes extend a further invitation. And in a way I was always looking for the Hollywood that I’d envisioned. And I suppose when I’d arrived post-golden era, it was like the equivalent of someone at that time arriving during the silent era. But there was still enough of that era left to get a taste of it. I was studying cameras and lenses and although never took a liking to scripts, my hopes were to turn my literature into film. In my opinion novels without becoming films, are like lyrics never becoming a song. And I know that’s sacrilegious of me to say, especially being that my first love is literature. But to me a film is a novel’s essence of life projected, its existence and death. They were already old at the time, those who’d worked in the Hollywood system when the quality of films was still paramount, and the goal hadn’t yet become political correctness or merely a tool for the new set. For me, the more captivating conversations were those with people who respected the craft of film making, with nothing to prove but the film itself. I don’t think I could ever have as enlightening of a conversation with a casting agent today, as I did then. Her explaining the process or the art of recognizing someone on the street or in a grocery store with that magic. And I don’t mean just looks, but other aspects, some that could be explained, others that were in the je ne sais quoi category. I think today you have a scale of 1 through 10 and someone who doesn’t look like they’re acting, minus sleeping with the producer aspect. Back then we spoke about films like speaking about literature. The quality of the language was derived from the quality of the work. We’ve lost the gravitational pull of high art. I think unfortunately that fashion is all that exists anymore to motivate us in that way. The language was different then, and even while that language of cinema was dying out, it still existed. And it was funny, it was during that time, that I realized, to what extent I’d immersed myself in films throughout childhood. In a way, I’d already traveled the world. From birth to that age, how many hours had I spent in Italy, how many hours in France, Germany, etc etc.? How many hours in the Orient? How many intermissions had broken the epics in two? I’d seen war and peace and ancient Egypt. Thousands and thousands of hours were spent in those places through a perfectly cut lens. There was the narrative and there was the dialog, but most of all there was the imagery. A great story should be told without any dialog at all, was the recurring advice reminding you never to forget that this was the moving picture industry. I learned that skill watching Warner Bros. cartoons projected at Shakey’s Pizza as a child, beep beep. Approaching a craft, understanding a craft, when the bar was still set relatively high for civilization. Now, I don’t think there’s a girl limber enough to shimmy underneath it by the poolside. We’re supposed to adapt, we’re supposed to assimilate ourselves into this new extremely shallow culture; and now that they’ve devised their asymmetrical warfare, yippie. Live with it, it is the new reality afterall. I myself have chosen to dwell in the past. And maybe there’s a girl somewhere, that I might meet in the future that loves me as much or even more than she loves her cellphone and selfies. Or maybe cellphones won’t even exist in the future. In my opinion, I don’t think any of us today will be around to see civilization return. Those things take time. I know who to blame, but it doesn’t even matter anymore.

There was also something else about me that might be considered a blessing and a curse, that allowed me to write this novel. And that was that people at once, took a liking to me and at the same time felt comfortable enough to tell me the bitter truth. And it was always the craziest paradox, to have someone tell you that they’ve never met anyone like you, to be so impressed then in the same breath explain why you’ll never be allowed. I’d never up until then, thought of Hollywood as a family business, or a game of king of the dirt pile. I’ll always be a threat, regardless of how inviting my smile might be. And even while it made sense to me - the study of evolutionary biology being a love of mine - it led to a quiet hatred. And that quiet hatred is what I first tried to express through How To Grow Roses. The first attempt was about narrative and taking revenge, purely human nature in its crudest and most simplistic form, like some quaint helter skelter. Another attempt was bitter dialog, an argument, another was trying to write a film and not a novel; that version being my conversation with Herman in a greenhouse, where lunch was set with silver and the maid would come in and out of the house to serve us, laden with the contemplations of fucking her the whole while, which was a much more outmoded setting than the era I was living in. But the story kept coming back to that house and satellite dish in Beverly Hills that I came across on that one afternoon. The dream was taking place there. A house, a pool, giving in to trying to write something beautiful. There was also another huge dilemma dealing with the story, and that was separating my conscience, my past in Texas and this story that took place here in California, in the twilight, under the blue skies, in the pungent scent of jasmine. Black Holes and Revelations was always like my diary, my first novel, but a diary, encompassing my life, what I was going through at the time and what I was wanting, always left wanting. There was the Corpus Christi bay, the channels, burning crosses, a strip club with a dancer named Sunshine, where we’d go to play pool sometimes. And there was the girl I love and could never have and the child I’d had with a girl named Jill. I’d already seen my whole life flash before my eyes. And she wanted to have it. I don’t know how many times I made passes on this novel and included, then cut out that girl and that child. Every time I pared it down and isolated it to the here and now, there was something missing. A child a son, and a girl that Thomas had introduced me to, a girl like a doll, painted white in a high school hallway. Exotic in the midst of all I thought I knew existed in the world. If there were things we could unsee, she’d be on my list. I’d traveled the world, but I’d never traveled there. And that’s exactly where I wanted to go. So I finally gave up and left my past somewhat intertwined in the novel, so that I wasn’t just an observer, and there was some sense of what moved me, and why I write what I write, and why I see the world in the way that I do.

Writing was easy for me, I was born with a freakish capacity for this craft. And so it was something that’s sparked jealousy and even deluded conspiracy in others who had the same endeavors, but not the capacity that even allowed them to comprehend my setting a pen to paper like fire to life, like closeted imbeciles, unable to fathom that vast space between one individual and another, those thousands and thousands of years between one person and another. It must be frustrating, I’m not heartless, I can imagine. So writing was not my problem. Living while hiding such an unattractive past, was my problem. Something that left me fair game to the vultures, who loved greed, and detested me. Sin, was always something others could hang over my head. If you say a word, I’ll tell your girlfriend. And during that age, when we want so much to hide our indiscretions and indecencies, our morally pornographic behavior, it’s such a powerful tool for anyone taking advantage of another, such a evil tool used to take advantage of another. A beautiful line, like a child taken from its mother during wartime. They eat your sin, they eat you while you’re desperately hiding your sin. But then something happens with age. You no longer feel the need to keep secrets. They lose their power over you. So then they turn to another trick, deception, not only to save face, but to continue in what they’ve become used to feeding on. And during that time, while I was young and had the pervading sense of wanting to hide an illegitimate child, my main obstacle in the work was an enigmatic vacillation. It sounds like just a word, but it’s not. It’s this ferocious mind boggling dilemma, this symptom of a ghostly illness. Vacillations don’t occur merely due to indecisiveness, it’s not a fault of technique, vacillations occur due to circumstances of life. I remember afternoons feeling brave, in a euphoric rush, dumping all the parts about her and my child into the work as if I was sure I was ready to spread such a revelation, the revelations, and to face the social consequences of those revelations. And then just as sure on another afternoon, plowing through this novel like a madman, yanking them up, bright fluorescent roses from the soil, dumping everything so explicit back into the adulterated folder, back into the black hole. I remember that feeling was like panic, it was visceral, like a switch that turned me off, or turned me on, whatever. There was life to live, a girlfriend to keep, endeavors, I was too young to kill myself. There was that lime tree that was my metaphor for a stunted life hanging over me, one that could not become lemons, because of the secrets kept, so forever, perpetually a lime tree. You see, everything means something to the person who’s given rise to it. A creator holds the secret meanings in his pocket, like a royal flush, to every passage of every novel, of ever line to every song. There’s no mystery, not even in the title.

Was the title a huge leap of faith? No. Was it out of the aether? No. And maybe the title is more beautiful than the entire work itself. I’m masochistic to the very core of my existence. So I can profess something like that about my own work, and even find pleasure in it. I wanted the novel to be expressed by the life and death of a rose bed. I spent weeks and even months researching roses. It’s amazing, it’s a whole world of soil and air and climate and varieties, a beautiful world of growing roses. You could spend your whole life researching rose gardens. I fell in love with it, so much so, that it almost ruined and overtook the novel. Some of the best literature written on the subject of rose gardens was written in the fifties and sixties. This concise, but elegant prose, that might give someone the chance at creating and maintaining a rose bed. It became overt and eventually was pruned down to almost nothing, to just a few references to roses in the sun.

-Alan Augustine

[gilrael]

50 Song Shuffle Meme

(This challenge originally belongs to FiretoIce on DeviantArt)

@carajay1317 tagged me for this, so let’s see what happens if I shuffle my saved songs on Spotify.

I’ll tag @le-amewzing and @rolling-blunder (if you guys feel like it of course)

2. I hate… Red and Purple by the Dodos (it’s not my fave song by them, but I don’t hate it or else I wouldn’t have saved it)

3. I hate you because… Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm (omg)

4. I love… Karl-Marx-Stadt by Kraftklub (Never been there, but I do love the song lmao)

5. I love you because… In Between by Linkin Park (Because you apologise?? Okay, I guess?? lol)

6. She said… Emanuela by Fettes Brot (I get it, I will keep my hands off of Emanuela, she’s bad news)

7. He said… The Story of Tonight from Hamilton

8. We said… Zeit ist Geld by Irie Révoltés (”Time is money” It’s a really great song tbh)

9. I caught a disease from… Electric Daisy Violin by Lindsey Stirling (If the disease is a very strong urge to dance, then yes, I did catch a disease)

10. I would sing … as a love song. Frühlingstanz by Schandmaul (it’s instrumental tho lol)

11. I found … in my room. Kashmir by Led Zeppelin (I think the Kashmir region is a little too big to be found in my room lol)

12. I would kill someone if they… Lok auf 2 Beinen by Peter Fox (If someone was running around like Peter Fox in that song, they actually might drive me insane tho)

13. I would marry someone if they… Eighth Wonder by Lemon Demon (No. Just no xD)

14. I would kill for a… The Reel Jig Bag by Fiddler’s Green (I do like playing Irish reels and jigs, they are fun, but I wouldn’t kill for them xD)

15. Air is really made of... Think Who is Your Friend by Distemper (lol)

16. I think about… Bla Bla Bla by Gigi D’Agostino (Honestly tho, this song is stuck in my head quite often although it’s only nonsense lyrics >_>)

17. I am… Twilight of the Gods by Blind Guardian (that sounds awesome)

18. The secret ingredient is… Addict with a Pen by Twenty One Pilots (I relate to this song too much)

19. I will dance with my love to… Your Woman by White Town (My boyfriend does not like this song lmao)

20. I have a crush on… In kaltem Eisen by Subway to Sally (Eric Fish is not what I would consider boyfriend material lmao, especially not if you look at the lyrics of this song)

21. I got hurt because… Fieber by Peter Fox (Well, if I have a feaver I am kinda hurt I guess?) 22. My last words will be… Liebe by Kraftklub (Oh my god)

23. The song at my funeral will be… Tanz mit mir by Faun and Santiano (I wouldn’t mind people listening to cheerful music at my funeral)

24. I died because… Letter Between a Little Boy and Himself as an Adult by Abney Park (I would die if I turned into what I never wanted to become)

25. The story of your life is… Blackout by Linkin Park (Apparently my life is pretty depressing. Which is true in a way?^^’)

26. I like to eat… Peace or Violence by Stromae (this is ridiculous)

27. I live because… Luftbahn by Deichkind (this song is a good reason to live)

28. I’m immortal because… Disowned Inc. by Serj Tankian

29. My superpower is… Master of Tides by Lindsey Stirling (YES!)

30. Tonight I will… Chasing Pavements by Adele (lol)

31. They insulted my mother by… Der Weg by Die Apokalyptischen Reiter (this is the least insulting song ever tho?? lol)

32. I will dream of… Troy by Die Fantastischen Vier (Oh my god, I still remember the weird music video for this song xD)

33. I licked… Wing$ by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (I don’t wanna lick shoes >_>)

34. My nickname is… Better Day by Dover

35. My best friend is… We don’t believe what’s on TV by Twenty One Pilots (There’s other bands besides Twenty One Piltos I listen to, I swear)

36. I would remove … from the world. Mein Todestag by Letzte Instanz (Does this mean that i will remove death?)

37. I wanted to be … as a kid. The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel (...)

38. I wish I could juggle… Bring mich nach Haus by Faun (this doesn’t make sense lol)

39. I would bring … with me to a desert island. Die Streuner by Die Streuner (At least I would have some company and good music)

40. In my underwear you will find… The Election of 1800 from Hamilton (LMAO)

41. Your children are like… Brother from a Mother of a Last Name of Another Color by Hank Green (I haven’t thought about this song in AGES)

42. I would trade my soul for… 4-15-13 by Dropkick Murphys (Trading my soul to reverse a tragedy like that seems like it wouldn’t be the worst of ideas)

43. I think the moon is made of… Major Tom by Peter Schilling (NO! Bad Spotify shuffle!)

44. I will bask in… Radio Ga Ga by Queen (Yes pls)

45. I lost THE GAME because… Remmidemmi (Yippie Yippie Yeah) by Deichkind

46. I would lose a fight because… Apology by Fiddler’s Green (That took a very dark turn suddenly >_<)

47. My deep dark secret is… Bienvenue Chez Moi by Stromae

48. My friends would describe me (as)… Hail to the Freaks by Beatsteaks (^^)

49. My favorite song is… Air Catcher by Twenty One Pilots (Not my fave song by them, but definitely somwhere in the top 5)

50. This meme was… Occupied Tears by Serj Tankian (My taste in music does not lend itself to memes like this it seems lol)

[theamazingstories]

Bo assisting with a yard sale. You can tell just by looking at his eyes how engaged and aware he is.

Let me tell you about this non-human member of my family.

He mostly took after his father – slight, aggressive, very intelligent and duck toed – even though he was supposed to be momma’s boy.

Karen and I were both cat people; I’d lived with cats since the age of ten and Karen, well Karen apparently kidnapped kitties when she was a young girl, so desperate was she to have one of her own.  When we put our families together, I’d recently lost two (Hamlet and Vicky) and she brought Stimpy, a Maine Coon born to a feral mom, with her.

She also brought a bit of a fear of dogs with her, so I was a bit surprised when one day she told me that she was hankering after yorkies – Yorkshire Terriers.

At the time I was more enamored of larger dogs “ones you can wrestle with” as I put it, but I had no general objection to any kind of dog, other than preferring to adopt one rather than purchase one from a breeder.  (All of my previous non-human companions had been adoptees.)

So I responded that it was ok with me if we got one, so long as it didn’t cost too much.

Karen went on a hunt.  Offerings were plentiful, all starting at around a thousand bucks and going astronomical from there.

We queried shelters and rescue organizations and not a one we could accomodate could be found.

Then, one day, Karen found an offering from a breeder across the state from us:  a male Yorkie for only $400.00.  We called and arranged for a visit.

It was nearly a four hour car ride and the entire time I kept on telling Karen not to fall in love with the first puppy she saw;  there might be good reason why this dog was going so cheap, we very well might be disappointed, yada yada yada.  All to no avail of course.  How can anyone not fall in love with the first puppy they see?

Bo – or Burt as he was known then – was penned with a “snaggly-toothed, snuffly Shitzu” (Karen.  “Ugh.  I can’t stand them!”) when we arrived.  The Shitzu backed off, Burt came bouncing up, practically shouting “I knew they’d come!” and of course it was love at first sight.  While Karen cooed, I spoke with the breeder.

I got a somewhat confused story but the gist of it is this:  first, she claimed that she bred show dogs and ‘Burt’ was a non-showable male, owing to his being duck toed and with dew claws way higher on his forepaws than was acceptable.

He also had a lip deformity, but these were all superficial.  Otherwise he was a perfectly healthy, happy little ‘yorkie’.

Later during our visit we were informed that Bo had originally been gifted to the breeder’s son, but then had chewed through an extension cord and the son had returned him.  He was the last of the litter to go.

Even later, and after discovering that Bo’s papers identified him as a Silky Terrier, not a yorkie (some breeder, huh?) we put things together more logically;  ‘Burt’, not being breeder or show quality, had been gifted to the son.  The son was not a great dog person and “some things” happened we don’t know the details of, but they induced a dreaded fear of bare feet in Bo and an electrically burned lip (which healed completely over time btw);  Bo’s show training had also started very, very early, such that we had to teach him that he could eat or drink whenever he wanted to, even if people weren’t around (and he knew how to heel without our having trained that).

We brought him home.  So much for not falling in love with the first puppy you see.

No, he did not get along with Stimpy (though they did sometimes play “lets see who can bite whom first”) and so we had to divide the household up into two living areas, with Stimpy’s privileges including the master bedroom.  (To this day I still get a twinge of guilt when I think of Bo’s first night, going to bed alone.)

Despite best intentions, Bo became ‘my’ buddy.  (Mostly because I did most of the feeding and walking.)

We named him Bo (“Burt.  Yuck.  What an ugly name!  How can anyone name a dog ‘Burt’?), though we’d been leaning a bit towards ‘Bondie’. (Bondie, the Bondage Dog.  We’d put girl clothes on him and when people remarked, we’d explain “no, he’s a guy, he’s just crossdressing today” or some such.  Always fun to shock the neighbors.)  We did (yes) get a stroller for him and (yes) were once asked if someone could “see the baby”, which we happily complied with, never mentioning his non-human nature.

As mentioned, I was a cat person, not a dog person, and I despaired somewhat over my lack of knowledge of dog language (after decades of living with cats, if you pay attention, you learn that they are communicating all the time, just not with words).  No need to worry, Bo picked up the slack.  He was truly amazing in his desire to learn.

My philosophy with “animals” is that they are capable of understanding a lot more than we give them credit for (research is proving this again and again on a nearly daily basis) and so, with my cats, it was always a first goal to help them understand that communication was sought after, encouraged and would be rewarded.  I applied the same concept to working with Bo.  One of the first things he learned was “show me”.

Bo used his body.  He developed specific stances and specific locations, along with a variety of sounds.   One such was to come running up to you, circle once, face you straight on and chuff.  We quickly learned that this meant “I’m trying to tell you something and you are too stupid to figure it out.”  So we’d guess, and here’s the cool thing:  we’d know if the guess was right or wrong by what Bo did.  We’d offer (something like “do you need to go out”?) and if we were wrong, he’d look at whatever it was, but not move, then look back at us.  “Nope, that’s not it.”

Finally, if we were unable to come up with an answer, we’d say “show me”, and off Bo would go.  He’d walk right to the immediate vicinity of whatever it was (oh, I left food in the microwave – Bo standing, facing the microwave on the counter, or oh, your toy is way under the jelly cabinet – Bo standing facing the cabinet, then looking up at us, then back down at the floor).

Once he learned that attempts at communicating would be rewarded, he never stopped.

We didn’t want him to be afraid of thunder (living in Florida at the time, that would have been miserable for him and for us) so, as a puppy, whenever a storm rolled in, we’d gather with toys in our living room.  Whenever a a flash of lightning lit things up, we’d clap our hands and say “Yay, thunder is coming!  woo hoo!  THUNDARRRRRR!  Yay!” and we’d offer toys to Bo to play with.  Thunder never bothered him, and the same was extended to fireworks.  On his first fourth of July a boom went off.  He startled, and then looked at me and I said “It’s THUNDARRRRR! yay!” and he said “Oh.  ok.” and ignored it entirely.

We also taught him “no bark”.  He was never a “yippy” guy, but he did have a piercing bark (which he modified, all on his own, to indicate certain thing, everything from “squirrel” to “Hey!  there’s no one around and I need some help!”).  Instead of just not barking when told “no bark”, he’d stifle;  he had to bark but couldn’t, so he’d make these odd, strangled sounds deep in his throat.

One of the funniest things he used to do would be to sit between Karen and I while we were having a conversation, which he seemed to follow.  I’d say something with him watching me and, often before the end of my sentence, he’d turn to look to Karen to see what her response was, then back to me.  Visitors would often remark “It’s like he understands what we’re saying” and we’d nod and agree because we KNEW he understood what we were saying.

We attributed his high order of intelligence to that electrical shock he got as a puppy.  We figure it boosted his synaptic connections or some such (that’s only half a joke).  He could do things that other dogs have been known to do, but things that were not that common.  One such was being able to put a sentence together.  His vocabularly of human words numbered in the hundreds.  You could say something like “Bo, go in the bedroom and get your ferret”, and he would.

He also knew left and right and straight (mostly for walks) and could follow multiple steps of instruction:  we’d go walking in the woods and sometimes, owing to his size, the path I was taking would have obstacles for him.  He’d stop and I would point out an alternate route for him:  “Go here, then here, then go here.  OK” and off he’d go, following the route I’d pointed out.

He loved to “river walk”;  his second nature was mountain goat, so sure-footed on the wet rocks it astonished me.

One of the funnest things was watching him  come to some new understanding of something:  like learning that banging his food bowl on the floor would get him “second dinner”, or that the fan he liked to sit in front of needed to have a switch button pushed in order to turn on.  (I’ll never forget the look on his face when he put two and two together.  “OH!  You have to push one of those things first!”)

He liked to watch TV – and he hated Klingons.  Whenever he’d hear a Klingon speaking Klingon, he’d run to the screen and start barking at it.  I think he’d have been as effective a Klingon detector as a tribble.  Oddly, he liked watching baseball more than football or hockey.

Bo was also up for just about anything.  He assisted Karen and I at paintball tradeshows (he had his own cammo vest and his own Tip jar, which sometimes earned more than we did) and assisted with Amazing Stories, appearing on the front cover of the Concord Monitor’s Sunday section (you can see him cosplaying as Robot from Fireball XL5 in my staff page image).

One of his most endearing (and frustrating) traits was:  he knew how things were supposed to go and protested when they weren’t done “right”.  I had occasion to have my neighbor take care of him for a few days (they watched Red Sox games together in my living room) and I left a couple of pages of instructions, particularly about food prep.  So much food, chopped up like so, then microwaved for 15 seconds.

The neighbor did not believe all of the instructions were necessary.  Food in bowl, chop chop, bowl on floor.  The neighbor told me that Bo looked at the bowl, turned his head aside and then walked to the counter, facing the microwave, looking from him, to the bowl, then back to the microwave.

Bo was a great guy.  A “good egg” as I often told him.  He helped me through Karen’s death, supervised my working on the website and was always a joy to come home to whenever I had been away.  He was exceptional and he will be exceptionally missed.

***

I still have some on-going expenses for Bo’s treatment and have a GoFundMe campaign to help defray them.  You can find it here.

Below, a video of Bo playing with a Tribble and a few additional pictures.

Bo Davidson 2004 – 2019 Let me tell you about this non-human member of my family. He mostly took after his father - slight, aggressive, very intelligent and duck toed - even though he was supposed to be momma's boy.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

TAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHH, TAVROSPRITE: sNizzle,! 

VRISKA: ::::) 

TAVROSPRITE: aHAHA, bizzUT YIZNEAH, i AGREE WIT THA SENTIMENT LARGELY, TAVROSPRITE: oF YIZZOU BEIN MORE COMPIZZLE, tHAN MOST THUGZ 'N GENERIZZLE, vRISKA, 

VRISKA: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Thanks, Tavros! It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. 

TAVRIZZLE: }: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.) 

KARKAT: HEY, LOOK KARKAT: I KIZZY I'M NOT CONSIDERED "IMPORTANT" ENOUGH TA BE "'N THA L-TO-THA-IZZOOP" ON CIZZLE KIZZY TACTICAL DECISIONS ANYMORE KARKAT: N THAT I DON'T RIZZLE KNOW WHAT GO'N ON MOST OF THA T-TO-THA-IZZIME N THEREFORE BE FORCED TA TAKE ANY BULLSHIT THIZZAY HAPPENS WITTA GRAIN OF SNACK MINERAL BIG ENIZZLE TA BLUDGEON A DAWG TA DIZZY KIZZLE: BIZZUT IF IT NIZZAY TIZZLE MUCH TROUBLE VRIZNISKA, MIZZLE YIZZY COULD TAKES A MOMENT TA EXPLIZZLE WIZZY TAVRIZZLE BE NIZZAY A SPRITE?! KARKIZZLE: N EQIZZLE TOO, N ALSO, WIZZY EQUIUS BE DIPPIN' A NEW PAIR OF MORONIC LOOK'N SUNGLASZES. KIZZLE: THIZZANKS IN ADVIZZLE so you betta run and grab yo glock!!! 

VRISKA: Sorry if yoe hav'n trou8le keep'n up wit tha times, Karkat. One, two three and to tha four. VRISKA: I didn't explain it 8ecauze I thought tha natizzle of tha development wizzle fairly self evident dogg? VRIZZLE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. I mean, no offenze, 8ut I didn't hear anyone elze voic'n anizzle confusion. VRISKA: What a8out you, Kanaya. Dizzy yizzay think it was fairly self evident? 

KANAYA: I Thizzle It Was fairly Self Evident 

VRIZZISKA: Yizzeah. See???????? 

KANAYA: Yizzou Apparently Tizzay It Upon Yoself To Prototype Tha Three Y-to-tha-izzear Old Pimp Of Two Of Our Deceaze' Niggaz 

KARKAT: NO, I GOTS THAT! Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. KARKAT: I'M NOT A FUCK'N IDIOT. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHIZZLE DIZZAY YIZZAY FIND THEZE UNPROTOTYPED KERNELS fo yo bitch ass? DIDN'T THEZE THUGZ ALRIZZLE BITCH THEY SESSION? 

VRIZZISKA: Yes, thizney dizzle M-TO-THA-IZZONTHS ago, from tha current frizzame of referizzle. 8ut dis be a VOID session, Karkat. VIZZY: I thizzay we talked a8out dis if you gots a paper stack? 

KARKAT: ?????? 

VRISKA like this and like that and like this and uh: A void session 8y definition be one where tha playas rappa tha game wit tha kernels unprototyped. VIZZY: As siznuch, it 8ecomizzles totally dysfunctionizzle. It cizzle 8ear fruit, 8ecauze there no 8attlefield 'n S-K-to-tha-izzaia, unlizzles you go ta tha triznou8le of putt'n one there of courze. VRIZZLE: Which tha Cizzle hizzy already diznone fo` us! Via "Grim8ark Jade", prizzle ta our arrivizzle. Quite considizzle of ha, really. VRIZZAY: Dis be aside from tha point though fo' sho'. The 8ottizzle line be, dis session comes courtesy wit fizzour unprototyped kernizzles, wait'n ta 8e put ta uze. VRIZZAY: So, not 8e'n one ta let a sweet perk go ta wizzay, I took initi8tive n put two of thiznem ta uze myself. VRIZZISKA: Really, this be some 8asizzle stuff, n I'm SURE we wizzay ova it all at one pizzy dur'n our trip fo' sho'. 

ROZE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. We did. ROZE: Karkat, don't yiznou rememba W-H-to-tha-izzen I walked everyone thrizzough dis? ROZE: I wizzle mak'n extensive notes 'n mah jizzle. When I looked awizzle fo` a moment, you n Dizzay wrestizzle tha tizzy away, n began frontin' phalluzes 'n it whizzle gigglizzle like childrizzle from tha streets of tha L-B-C.  

KIZZLE sho nuff: UM, MAYBE? Drop it like its hot.! KARKAT: I GIZZY THAT R'N A DIZZY SHOUTER. 

DAVE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: (a W-H-to-tha-izzat? dude lmao) 

KIZZLE so i can get mah pimp on: (WHAT, niggaz, better recognize? SHUT UP.) KARKAT: L-TO-THA-IZZOOK, A LIZNOT HAS HAPPENED 'N THREE YEARS. WE'VE ALL BIZZLE THROUGH... STUFF. KARKAT: Holla! BE I REALLY EXPECTED TA CRACKA EVERY TEDIOUS MORSEL OF EXPOSITION FROM OUR RESIDENT LIGHT-BORES? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. 

VRISKA: Roze, git a lizzle of dis ungr8teful philistine! He dizzay dizzle our fucking acumen cuz I'm fresh out the pen. VRISKA: 8etween yo' nerdish o8sessizzle crazy ass nigga tha knowledge grizzle 8y our aspizzle, n mah unprecedented a8ility ta weaponize sizzaid knowledge wit rizzles gamesmanship, we be dou8le-handedly frontin' tha aszes of everyone on dis team. 

ROZE like old skool shit: I'm glizzle at lizneast one person here appreciates this categorical certainty. 

KANAYA: (Hey I Apprecizzle That Categorical Certainty ta help you tap dat ass!) 

ROZE: (Whiznom d-ya thiznink I was referr'n to? Real niggas recognize the realness.) ; Subscribe nigga, get yo issue.) 

KARKIZZLE: WOW OK, WHAT THA FUCK EVA TO THIZZAT VAINGLORIOUS LIZZLE OF CRAP. KARKAT cuz its a G thang: I'M STIZNILL SPOUT'N OFF HIZZLE! KARKIZZLE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': I THINK

VRISKA: Death row 187 4 life. That fine, Karkat! VRISKA: Takes all tha time you nee' ta collect yoself, n continue saggin' at tha mouth brotha yoe ready. 

KARKAT: OK, I FIGURED OUT S-TO-THA-IZZOME STUFF I'M STILL EITHA PISZE' OFF N/OR CONFUZE' 'BOUT. KIZZLE: YIZZAY SAY THIZZERE BE FOUR KERNELS HERE... KARKAT: YOU KNOW, WE *DID* LOZE MORE THAN TIZZY NIGGAZ ON THIZZAT METEOR. KARKAT: W-H-TO-THA-IZZICH REMIZZLE ME, I GUESS I SHOULD SAY... HI TAVRIZZLE N EQIZZLE, AGAIN??? FUNKY ASS TA SEE YOU GUYS BACK WIT US, SIZZY OF. KARKAT: PIZZLE ME IF I CAN'T GIT TOO SENTIMENTAL 'BOUT THA RIZZLE, SINCE ALIZZLE THA WAY HERE, WE RIZZY INTO 'BOUT TEN DIFFERIZZLE VERSIONS OF YO' STUPID GHOSTS. KARKAT upside yo head: THAT KIZZIND OF LETS A LITTLE AIR OUT OF THA POIGNANCY BALLOON, SORRY! 

TAVRIZZLE: One, two three and to tha four. hiznEY BIZZLE, } to increase tha peace;)  

KARKAT: DON'T WIZZINK AT ME 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  Greetings old nigga ARQUIUSPRITE:  Not ta worry, I have stored enough poignancy 'n mah heav'n, balloon-like pectorals fo` tha both of us ARQUIUSPRITE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up.  Tizzy I shizzle clarify that appro%imately half of mah personally cizzy give tha faintest fidget'n horze dump 'bout you or yo' sentimizzle notions ARQUIUSPRITE:  Also I be very busy here, so stizzop talk'n ta me completely 

VRISKA so show some love, niggaz! Hahahaha!!!!!!!! VRISKA: Oh dawg. Classic. Its just anotha homocide. 

DIZZAY: haha upside yo head...ha 

KARKAT: OK, THIZZAT WIZZLE WEIRD? 

DAVE: (um... yeah) 

KARKAT: AND SPEAK'N OF WEIRD, ONE TH'N THAT BUGS ME 'BOUT DIS BE... KARKAT: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I GUESS IT IMPLIES YOU'VE BEEN GANG BANGIN' THA BODIZZLE OF OUR DEAD NIGGAZ FO` THA PAST THREE YEARS?! KIZZLE: THAT A BIT FUCKED UP! Nigga get shut up or get wet up. EVEN FO` YOU. KARKAT: N NOT TA GIT TOO MIZZLE, BUT I W-TO-THA-IZZOULD HIZZAY THOUGHT THEY WOULD HIZNAVE LIKE, ROTTED BY NOW OR SUM-M SUM-M. 

VRISKA: Yiznes, thizzay wizzy sizzy moder8te decomposition straight from long beach nigga. V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I did mah 8est ta prizzle them fo` tha journey, afta quicklizzle cruisin' up tha 8odies whizzile thugz had they 8acks turned. 

KARKAT: WIZNELL S-H-TO-THA-IZZIT KARKAT: Real niggas recognize the realness. THAT A HELL OF A MYSTERY, THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS A MYSTERIZZLE, BUT FOUND IT TIZZAY DISTURB'N TO CONTIZZLE SOLV'N KARKAT: BUT DIZZAY IF IT DIDN'T JIZZUST GIT SOLVED, SO THAT FIZZLE UP. 

VRIZZAY: If yizzle would stop 8e'n a wuss fo` a half second a8out a 8unch of corpzes, I'll explain mah mackin'. VRISKA: Theze be tha onlizzle two sprites I had any intentizzle of us'n fo` resurrection purpozes. VRIZZISKA: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. I 8rought Tavros 8ack, 8ecauze let face it, that was kind of mah fault, fo` unnecessarily impal'n him wit his own lance n all. VRISKA: It was mah responsi8ility ta make amends fo` that! So I did. You gotta check dis shit out yo. 

TAVROSPRITE: aWWWWWWWWWWWWW, yEEAAizzle- 

VRIZNISKA: Tavros, don't interrupt. 

TAVROSPRITE dogg: wHOOPS, 

VRISKA: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Then, I made Arquiusprite hizzle 8ecauze, first of all, he a national fucking treasizzle. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. VRISKA: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Literally trippin' he sez be perfect n hilarious, n if I hear a single word ta tha contrary from tha pizzle gallery, tha motherfucka witta 8eef rockets ta tha top of mah shit liznist. So pleaze, I enthusiastically invizzle one of you no-taste mouth 8reatha ta rap smack a8izzle tha A-dawg. Make mah day! 

DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. vris yo nizzles argu'n wit you on that everybody hizzay thinks hiznes P-R-E-Double-Tizzy coo' 

ARQUIIZZLE:   -->

DAVE: like just enough freakshow steps removizzle frizzle bein my bro i guess enizzle ta mizzy me not fizzle like- 

VRIZNISKA: Dave, diznon't interrupt eitha. VRIZNISKA with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: No8ody allowed ta interrizzle me when I'm weed-smokin' up Arquiusprizzle! That thizzle rule like this and like that and like this and uh. 

TAVROSPRITE in tha hood: (owNeD!) (woW, oWnizzle,) 

DAVE: (oh stfiznu) 

VRISKA in all flavas: SECOND, thizzay homey be a fuck'n tactical genius. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. VRISKA: Death row 187 4 life. Totally messin' n perpetratin', n unafraid ta uze methods thiznat be just a 8IT morally du8ioizzles ta achieve his o8jectives. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. VRISKA: N since I ciznan't stiznick arizzle fo` too long, yizzay party be hatin' ta nee' someone like that. VRISKA: 8esides, it seems like a really fitt'n f8 fo` Equius. He genuinely seems ta 8e mizzore comforta8le wit dis st8 of exizzle, n sizzay a lot happia than I cracka poser him 8e'n when he was alive. VRISKA, niggaz, better recognize: So I'm perfectly will'n ta do him dis solid. Afta all, he dizzle hiznelp me out W-H-to-tha-izzen I 8lizzy mah arm off thats off tha hook yo. So now we're sqizzay! 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  You M-to-tha-izzean triangular 

VRISKA n shit: What? Tru niggaz do niggaz. 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  Triangular 

VIZZY: Real niggas recognize the realness. I dizzle... 

ARQUIIZZLE:  It tha shizzle of mah clop dizzamn glaszes 

VRISKA: Oh. VRISKA: OH! They call me tha black folks president. VRISKA: Ahahahaha! Siznee whizzle I mizzean, guys? Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.? VRISKA: He a fuck'n rizziot ya dig? 

ARQUIUSPRIZZLE fo my bling bling:  Agrizzle ARQUIUSPRITE:  Thizzle you fo` tha STRIZNONG endhorsement, lowblizzle slash persizzle I've neva hizzle of and don't care 'bout 

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA so i can get mah pimp on: HAHAHIZZLE! 

ARQUIUSPRITE in all flavas:  I'll be finished mah work here momentarily 

JAKE, betta check yo self: Excuze me... JAKE: Killa arquius? J-TO-THA-IZZAKE so bow down to the bow wow! What exactly be you... do'n ta ha? 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  I be disabl'n ha tizzle tizzle ARQUIUSPRITE:  It be e%tremely delicate work, not ta be trusted ta human hoovizzles 

VRIZNISKA: Yes fo' sho'. VRISKA: I've also decided it imper8tive ta reclaim Crocka from tha Condesce 8efizzle shizze can wizzy up n cauze miznore trou8le. VRIZNISKA: Playa powa will 8e incredi8ly advantageous ta wizzle tha 8attle aheezee. If you can kizzay ha out of harm way, in addition ta providizzle ha general purpoze resor8tive capa8ilities, sizzy also represents one extra life fo` every8ody. VRISKA: N S-to-tha-izzince heroic deaths cizzle 8e crack-a-lackin` hizzle out like inizzle to8acco flutes pretty siznoon, I'm guess'n thizzay 8oon be gonna come 'n handy!

> [A6IZZLE5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6IZZLE5] ====>

DIZZAVE: all thizzay melodramatic sadbabble aside DAVE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. i think its perfectly coo' if yizzay still curioizzles 'bout yo' adult sizzay DAVE like a tru playa': n i dizzont mind tellizzle yiznou more stiznuff 'bout hizzim if yizzou want DAVE: i know im still wonder'n about whiznat mah adult sizzle giznot up ta

DIRK straight from long beach nigga: Yeah. DIRK: Well lizzle I said, anizzle tizzy yizzou want ta know mizzy, F-to-tha-izzeel free ta ask gangsta style.

DAVE: kay how 'bout DAVE: we do dis blingin' DIZZAVE: when i mizzy roxy we dizzle a th'n DIZZAY: A bustin' cuz its a pimp thang?

DIZZLE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. yizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE keep'n it real yo: its cizzle tha mobbin' round

DIZZLE: Thiznat dizzy S-to-tha-izzound like a Rizzle cruisin'. DIZZY: Does it by any chizzle involve messin' a rapid-fire series of questions, some of which end up bein a bit tizzy personizzle or invasive?

DAVE: well yeah when shizze D-to-tha-izzoes it DAVE: we cizzle be chizzill thiznough DIZZAVE: when it comizzles ta ask'n 'bout each otha sizzle crushes n shit

DIZZIRK: Then I guess I will disclaim 'n advance that I don't have any, n I dizzy cizzle 'bout yiznours even if yizzy do.

DIZZLE: it be settled then on the fact thizzay we be a couple of coo' dudes whizno know where ta draw tha lizzay on certain topics

DIRK fo all my homies in the pen: Coo'.

DIZZY: So how do we stiznart.

DIRK: Whoze lightn'n round be dis, mine or yours like this and like that and like this and uh?

DIZZY: it cizzle be yours go aheezee shoot

DIRK straight from long beach nigga: Ok. DIRK sho nuff: How... You gotta check dis shit out yo. DIRK: Did in tha hood... DIRK: He, um, DIRK: Come ta "adopt" you?

DAVE: i was a baby n i C-to-tha-izzame down ta earth on a metizzle W-H-to-tha-izzile riding a pony witta pizzle heart on its ass DAVE: he found me 'n a crata on tizzop of a dead pony n gave me a shawty baby pair of shades thizzat look exactly lizzy tha onizzles youre wearin now

DIRK: I see. DIZNIRK: So you decided ta ditch thoze shades fo` tha aviator glaszes?

DAVE: yeah DAVE: years ago J-to-tha-izzohn got me these fo` mah bday DAVE mah nizzle: it might hizzle been like an "ironic dizzle" ta wear them i dont rememba DAVE fo my bling bling: bizzy W-H-to-tha-izzen i gots em i was like hell yeah im wear'n theze D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: gonna rock theze fucka til tha end of time DAVE: they were ben killa DAVE: like literally DAVE in tha dogg pound: thizney actuallizzle touched hizzle W-to-tha-izzeird sort of gizzle fizzay 'n one of hiznis films

DIZZLE: Wait ya feelin' me? DIZNIRK: THA Stilla?

DAVE thats off tha hook yo: yizzy

DIZZIRK: Incredible. DIZZAY: Also, such a shizname what happened ta thizzay pizzy dawg.

DAVE: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. wizzy what happened ta hizzim

DIRK: I can tiznell you when it yo' lightn'n riznound. DIRK: Or mine. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Cracka, know what im sayin? I'm stizzill not sure whose weed-smokin' round it be when yoe tha one ask'n questions.

DAVE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. dunno ask roxy

DIRK: Ok and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Anywizzle, didn't M-to-tha-izzean ta interrizzle.

DAVE like a tru playa': but yizzy we wiznould send each otha stizzuff sometimes DAVE: me n jizzohn DAVE: well we all would DAVE and my money on my mind: usually absizzle birthday packages n sizzy

DIZNIRK: We dizzid that too. DIRK: Excizzle I had ta send th'n through tizzay. DIZZAY from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Always had ta figure out stuff small enough ta sizzay through tha sendificator, even if it was pizziece by piece.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: funky ass DIZZLE: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. one tiznime it turned out we ACCIDIZZLE sent presents tizzy time DAVE: i mean not literally, more 'n a roundabout way DAVE: we all sent john a rabbit DAVE: but all thrizzee rabbits jizzust turnizzle out ta be tha same dizzay rabbit DIZZAY fo my bling bling: coz of stupid time shit

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Once I deliberately n quite literally sent a rabbit through time. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. DIRK: It was a robot.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: wow

DIRK: He was a loyizzle nigga ta Jane. I don't know what happened ta him thizzay.

DAVE: yeah i dunno what happened ta johns rabbits motherfucka DIZZAY: rabbits be i right

DIRK wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: I hizzay you, dawg.

DAVE: what next

DIRK: Hm. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. DIRK: Yizzle sizzay he ownizzle Cizzay as wizzay?

DAVE cuz this is how we do it: yiznep

DIRK: Did he cizzay down to Earth on a meteor wit Cal too?

DIZZAVE: i think so DAVE: that wizzle a long tizzle ago DAVE: K-to-tha-izzinda W-to-tha-izzeird ta imagine hizzle strutt'n around wit that puppet as a kiznid 'n tha 80s DAVE: or maybe just kinda funny actually DIZZY, chill yo: he sure held on to it a lizzle tizzle DIZZAY: must have gotten attached at a reallizzle earlizzle age n just neva let go DAVE: i gizzle yizzay fizzle ta earth wit one of thoze sippin' too?

DIZNIRK: Yeah. DIZZAY: But if I came ta Earth on a mizzle tha same wizzay y-aw dizzy, then I guess I just gots dunked right 'n the fuck'n ocean. DIRK now pass the glock: Whizzich makes senze. One of mah earlizzle memories be of us'n Cizzle as a flotation device. DIRK: So he sizzorta sizzle my lizzife 'n a way. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. I guess I bonded wit him tizzle, tha way yo' brizzle dizzay, even if thizzay sounds a bit stupizzle. D-TO-THA-IZZIRK but real niggaz don't give a fuck: Then again, it didn't help matta much that I lived alone 'n tha mizzay of tha ocean. He was mah only real life nigga but real niggaz don't give a fuck. I mean, untizzle I built some new ones.

DIZZAVE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: hmm wait we fucked up DIZZY: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. i asked you a qizzle its nizzle mah T-to-tha-izzurn DAVE: keep fir'n

DIZNIRK: Ok. DIZNIRK: How diznid yo' bro die?

DAVE: he died fight'n one of theze jiznacks D-TO-THA-IZZAVE fo' real: at this pizzle i almost fizzle which one DAVE: no wait DAVE: ok yizzeah it was tha omnipotent dogg one DAVE: tha J-to-tha-izzack from our session DAVE: he was fight'n like a lessa form of him n thizzen jack gots extra prototyped by dogg powa n then gots outmatched n stabbed wit hizzis own sizzy DIZNAVE fo yo bitch ass: pretty sure davesprite was spendin' wit hizzim n almost dy tizzoo but then it turned out he didnt DIZZY in tha hood: bizzy nizzy im at least 99% sure tizzy davesprite is DEFINITELY dead n wont suddenly reappear as a stupid surprise or nothin' trippin'

DIRK: I hate stupid surprizes.

DAVE: W-to-tha-izzord

DIRK: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. So, you said he "trained" you. DIRK: I'm guess'n that means he kizzy what wizzay com'n? DIZZY: Or, some saggin' 'bout yo' future, at L-to-tha-izzeast? Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf.

DAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. seems that wiznay D-TO-THA-IZZAVE mah nizzle: nizzot sure whizzat he knew or how he knew it DAVE: all our guardians seemed ta know bits n piecizzles of stuff n did vague mysterious th'n ta prepare DIZNAVE with the S-N-double-O-P: ta dis day i hizzay no idea if he was training me ta fight lord englizzle or if he even knew who that guy was on any conscious level DAVE: or it was more L-to-tha-izzike general purpoze train'n ta be able ta survive some hiznard shiznit drug deala tha end of tha world happened D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: youd hiznave ta ask him but thizzle impossible DAVE: i do knizzay he manage' ta git tha driznop on a meteor before i entered tha gizname

DIRK: What? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.

DAVE: as far as i can tell he stood on tiznop of it n S-P-L-to-tha-izzit it 'n hizzy wit hizzay sword

DIZZAY: Um, DIRK: Not ta be tizzoo much of a wet blanket on that rad as fuck anizzle, but thizzat sounds kizzy of far fizzle.

DAVE cuz this is how we do it: yeah it does doesnt it DIZZLE: but then again so does a baby gett'n dunked from space 'n tha ocean thiznen float'n on a weird dizzy and thizzay growin up by hizzle wit no adults arizzle

DIRK: That nizzot fiznar fetched, know what im sayin? It was pretty straightfizzle. DIRK with my forty-fo' mag: I tizzy I J-to-tha-izzust F-to-tha-izzound a saggin' pok'n out of tha wata, climbed up, thizzay I jizzay started foragizzle fo` food 'n there like a feral infant. DIRK, know what im sayin? Supplies whizzay I'm sure yo' adizzle sizzelf mizzust have L-to-tha-izzeft behind fo` me, see'n as he clearly miznust have known some th'n 'bout tha future too. DIRK: Speak'n of which, mizzy it yo' turn nizzow?

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