#i forget to actually check back (?) half a cart of returns yesterday

[youhavereachedtheendofpie]

🙃 hey. D'you know who's a stupid idiot? A real dumbass? A complete moron? That's right it's me 🙃

[ancientbrit]

Natter #3 24th June 2020

So, on  Saturday morning, I took part of my breakfast (yogurt) from our backup  fridge in the garage, but when I put the first spoonful in my mouth I noticed that it was warm. Strange that. So I checked the fridge and found that everything in it was warm. The freezer contents - weren't.This was a disaster as I had been to QFC a couple of days previously buying frozen and fresh foods including four half gallons of milk. Jean had been out the day after for the first time in 12 weeks and part of her haul was more milk and ice cream.I imagine that the excitement of being out again at last and back to her old stamping grounds overcame memory. So here we were rushing around trying to save what we could by rearranging everything in the kitchen fridge and then trying to close the door.The old fridge was possibly down on refrigerant and I was a bit annoyed for a brief moment until I remembered when we bought it. It was when we lived at the 'old house' way back in 1970 and it was already a year old when we got it! My word - 50 years old. I should have remembered as it's color is 'Harvest Gold' which hasn't been seen on store shelves in donkeys ages. I tend not to date things by color though, as modern colors mean little to me - 'Taupe' for instance means less than nothing. My lexicon runs in terms of the spectrum. But forgetting it's date made me think back to those 'Old House days' and what we were about then. Those days and other old days that preceded that time.  My memory of 'then' is perfectly clear  - it seems just like it was yesterday even though I know how long ago it actually was. So many friends and relatives who are no longer around to share those times with, One of the things that have remained constant is our phone number. Of course, then we had an exchange name -  Adams 2, which has now been transmuted to numbers - 232, and I think doing this has lost the feeling of romance that it seemed to have for me. When I was a kid many of our dairy and grocery items were delivered to the door by horse-drawn carts - very few people or businesses had a sufficiently high priority during the war to have a petrol ration. Mum had joined the "Co-op" for convenience and of course, there was the benefit of a bonus payout at year's end. I loved these horses and would meet them outside and feed them apples, carrots and whatever else I had to hand. Still firmly in my mind is the Co-op number I had to recite to the driver when we had milk or groceries delivered - 157376.Being horses they would leave proof of their passage along the road and my Dad would pay me a shilling per bucket full of 'Golden Apples' as my Dad referred to this natural function It seemed like it was too demeaning a job for a full-grown adult  and using his term was sort of distancing himself from the unpleasantness.It used to embarrass me a bit too, but you couldn't argue with the reward. it was all grist to the mill, and it did do the roses a power of good. In 1956, I had been out of the RAF for a year and had also just recently returned home from a  very long sojourn in hospital, and my Dad was persuaded, against his will, to have a phone installed. Phones were not then usual to find in most houses and my Dad's reluctance was based on the very real belief that his company could too easily find him at inconvenient times. I told him that it was an absolute necessity in that day and age and so at last it was installed. Our phone number was Fairlands 4725 and as I said, I remember the old exchanges with affection. Others in our neighborhood were Derwent and Vigilant and my favorite Aunt had the best I always felt - Silverthorn - lovely. The Fairlands exchange was essential to me as when I was discharged from the hospital I had left behind a lovely German nurse with whom I had developed special feelings.When I had become sufficiently fit to allow me to leave the hospital and walk around the grounds, I used to collect any outgoing mail from other patients who were still confined to bed and take it some distance up the road, through the snow to a mailbox. Just to make sure I would be okay, Irmgard, for such was her name, would accompany me and we would find a need to indulge in long hugs and exchange lip locks - just to keep the cold at bay you understand? Shared bodily warmth is a great way to defeat the weather! Later, returning to the hospital, which had been a big old private house standing in its own grounds, we would split up at the circular drive with a last goodnight kiss. Irmgard would go round to the kitchen door and I would go the other way to the front door. Knowing that our companion runs were our secret, I was surprised to find the youngish Matron just inside the door. With a twinkle in her eye, she asked if it was cold out and I acknowledged that it was. She told me that I should be careful that I didn't get chapped lips, but then added that lipstick was a sovereign remedy - and departed with a grin. So much for secrecy! Irmgard's phone exchange name at the hospital was Coombe Wood - not exactly what might be termed 'romantic' but association made it so. Our association was quite intense and a forthcoming proposal, whilst welcomed, was at that time impossible for Irmgard to accept. Her sister was soon to marry, another Englishman and they would be returning to England to live after their honeymoon. She would not leave her parents alone just like that. She had been sent to England for a couple of years to improve her English and was soon to return home to Bad Canstatt, just outside Stuttgart. As I was about to return to my studies we were parted and unlikely to meet again any time soon. So our contacts were limited to letters and very rare and expensive phone calls and so the Canstatt exchange also lives brightly in my memory. Unfortunately, long-distance relations tend to strain circumstances and over time our contacts became less and less,     Sometime later I reached a point where I was able to take a trip to the Continent. I wrote to Irmgard to tell her that at last I was able to come over to see her, not being really sure of my reception as I hadn't written for ages.Within days I had a reply and although she was totally delighted that I was coming she told me that she had become engaged. I couldn't really blame her as I had been very lax, but she wanted me to come and meet her family when I arrived. She was really very good and took me all over the city and ended at her parents' home in the evening to a party for her sister and new husband, just returned from their honeymoon on Lake Constance. It was a really nice evening and I got on very well with her parents, but of course, I didn't like her fiance at all! After all this, although I had been given her brother-in-law's name and address back home I was never able to contact him. I would love to have kept up to know how her life proceeded. I still have her framed portrait photograph she sent me when she had first returned home, inscribed "Zur stehten Erinnerung" Deine Irmgard. I have been occupying some of my evenings on the computer lately sorting and printing out the Natters that Jo & Tom and Janet have been good enough to get to me. As they all seem to have been listed well out of order I am busy trying to see what I have and what might yet still be missing. The job has been compounded by the difficulty I have experienced in opening the Flash Drive. Sometimes it allows me to zip along, opening files, but then will stop and nothing will work. Next day I try again and I am off to the races again. But I am getting there slowly and tonight (Monday) I completed taking off hardcopies, Now I can sort through, putting them in chronological order and see what I shall see. Much more later, but there seems to be nothing before 2012 so I guess that was when I started. As I mentioned last Natter I have been attacking Lily of the Valley and I am almost finished - at least with what was visible. Along the way, I have also removed Sword ferns, Cedar seedlings five feet high and Jasmine. The Jasmine was an insignificant rooted cutting, from where I have no recollection. It had been placed in a pot on the ground and had been overgrown by all sorts of stuff and over the last year had gone nuts. It was to be used at the Plant Sale and now there are five separate plants threatening to strangle you on the approach to the greenhouse so of course, they have to go. The final gap in my deer-proof fencing was completed a week ago but I forgot to mention it to the deer and my hostas have now been browsed off on three separate occasions. As soon as it looks like there might be leaves on Empress Wu that might be reaching terminal size, they disappear and I am beginning to think that I will have to curtail totally growing the items they obviously consider their personal snack bar. 'Doesn't really leave much selection but at least, so far, my cardiocrinums don't feature on their menu. 'Have to be grateful for small mercies I suppose. One good thing has come out of this. My neighbor (ex MG Jill) who has allowed me to use three raised beds to grow veg, has been getting worried that I might fall from the area where the raised beds live - on a raised part of the garden with a six-foot-high rock wall as it's western boundary. She sees me stepping back to admire my work and then bailing out over the edge. So she is having a large bed prepared at the bottom of the wall, which will be enclosed by a deer-proof cage. It will also benefit from the heat held by the rock wall - all sorts of interesting possibilities there. She is a good friend. So next year we might actually be able to eat something we have grown. 'Haven't been able to do that for the last four years now, except for Onions and Garlic! Got started on removing existing plants today and I think it was the hardest day's work I have done for ages.I had to have a nap in the afternoon, but I couldn't tell whether that was because I had two early start days or the sheer grind of lifting heavy plants.You have likely realised that I am just stumbling along here so I will finish and get to bed.

Your fearless and weary leader.Gordon

[aleapoffaithfiction]

XIII.

I wanna know how much time you spent on them paragraphs Where you're getting me All that grey in our conversation history, you Playin' mind games, when you sayin' things 

“Stop, stop, stop. I’m done for the day. I’m…done.”

Beads of perspiration tickled the edges of my forehead as I quickly snatched a towel off of the couch and hobbled out of the living room. My momma’s sigh was loud enough for me to have heard it as I continued to distance myself from what was mentally and physically draining me minute by minute. Hisses spilled from my lips with every step that I took, but I continued to walk as best as I could until I was secluded from the hecticness happening within the house.

Dorsiflexion, plantarflexion, inversion, eversion, bilateral calf raises, unilateral calf raises, and everything else; I couldn’t take another second of it no matter how hard I tried to push myself through. With every movement, there’s this terrifying anxiety that washes over me and it causes me to want to take a seat and leave my ankle alone. I’ll never forget the feeling of when it snapped as I hit the ground. The wail that left me still haunts my conscious. As I was carted off of the field to be seen by the medical staff, I leaned over and threw up by the time we were deep into the tunnel. The excruciating pain evoked a trembling that I could not stop and the reality of my season being over worsened it. They didn’t have to tell me what I already knew.

The angst I dealt with while in the hospital took just as much of a toll on me as the injury itself. It might have even been worse. No matter how many drugs they pumped into me just to comfort me enough to send me into a slumber, I could still feel almost all of the discomfort and a never-ending throbbing from the surgical procedure performed to repair it. My stomach remained in knots while waves of nausea would randomly hit me from all of the morphine. My momma and Sarai kept stuffing me with food to decrease my complaints about it. With every doctor and nurse that walked in and out of the room for the week that I was there, it felt like a whirlwind that I was never going to be able to get out of. I’m thankful for my loved one’s efforts to be up there with me as much as they could, because I know I would have had some kind of a breakdown if I weren’t distracted by their conversations, jokes, card games, and overnight stays.

I’ve been doing two sessions of physical therapy per day for a little over a week now and despite their insistence that all is well, I can’t help but to feel like one wrong move will have me starting this process all over again. My ankle doesn’t feel the same. No matter how much they emphasize the fact that I’m still within the healing phase, it doesn’t stop me from noticing how unsteady I feel without the walking boot on and the difference in how the bone used to feel. Time is of the essence. I know that now more than ever, but my mental state isn’t there just yet.

During interviews, I get asked all the time, what would I be doing if I weren’t playing football and half of the time I either give a bullshit response or I genuinely respond that I don’t know. I really don’t know and I don’t want to know. Ever since I was a kid, I knew I’d be professional athlete. Whether it was basketball, soccer, baseball, or football, I was assured in myself making it. Football came to me the easiest and put me in the best position to go pro, so I put my all into it. I love my job. It can be a rollercoaster ride of different emotions and predicaments, but I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. God has to be on my side with this. My ankle has to heal right.

“Hey. You okay?” Her soft tone immediately caught my attention and I panned my eyes in my momma’s direction as she stood in the doorway. Her lack of entry was her way of giving me some space.

“I’m good. I’m good.” At least, I want to be.

“What’s bothering you?”

“It just doesn’t feel the same. I’ve been injured before. You know I fractured two bones in my back at Newman. Of course, my rookie year in the league, I tore my hamstring twice. But this shit? I don’t know. I was confident in my comeback for those, but it’s hard to paint the picture now with it feeling like my ankle is capable of snapping again at any minute. Excuse my language, by the way. Sorry for cursing.”

“You had more x-rays done two weeks ago and we spoke to both the surgeon and the specialist. There isn’t a better fix than the one that you have right now. You wouldn’t have been cleared for physical therapy if it wasn’t time. You’re still healing son. It’s not going to happen overnight. This is much different from your fractured back and hamstring issues. Give it some time.”

“I’m trying to.”

“It’s only been a little under three months since the operation. The road to full recovery continues.”

“Right.” I didn’t mean to sound dismissive, but I’m tired of thinking about it. None of this was on my mind while I was in New Orleans.

“Why don’t you try the aquatic therapy before you end the day? It’ll be like yesterday with you just lying in the water. He said it’s the last thing he wanted to do with you before they get out of here anyway.” I rarely ever take naps, but I’d rather do that so that I can shut down my thoughts for a while rather than sitting in some water and wallowing in them even more.

“Alright. Give me a minute.”

I was in no rush to move. What should have taken two minutes or less turned into ten. My slow trailing to the master bathroom was deliberate and yet the patience remained between both my momma and one of the many physical therapists and trainers I’m going to be working with before this entire process is all said and done.

“Give me twenty minutes Beckham and you’re done. I won’t push you any further. You’ve done very well today.”

“Alright. Cool.”

In an effort to shift my thoughts elsewhere, I put my wireless Beats headphones over my head. Drake’s “Nothing Was the Same” served as my sitting soundtrack. His discography was the last thing I was listening to anyway, so I might as well continue on with it.

I miss you.

An alert with Sarai’s message popped up at the top of the screen and my eyes instantly narrowed at the words she chose to send. Thoughts of her is something else I’ve been trying to avoid since I opened my eyes this morning and it’s been the hardest task of them all.

I knew life would go back to normal once the jet landed in Teterboro, New Jersey and we were back into the reality of our lives outside of one another but I didn’t know it would turn into over a week of nothingness. I know the hours she works five days a week can be exhausting, so I’m more than willing to come to her to make it easier but Taylor being in town has kept me at way more than just an arm’s length away from her.

All I’ve been left with is watching her every morning on the show and the occasional text messages she’d send to check on me; not even phone calls. Yesterday afternoon, she told me that she planned to come and spend the night with me and I eagerly held her to that until she flaked on me late last night with an excuse of being too tired to move off of her couch. So, her missing me isn’t holding much weight right now. I don’t doubt it, but I’m ten minutes away. It doesn’t take much to see me.

I thought I was going to sleep with you last night and waking up to you this morning. You wouldn’t have had to miss me if that happened.

I believe in the savior, I read the bible, although it’s not as often as it should be, and I wholeheartedly believe in all of the plans that he has for me. I’m not as prone to look into anything beyond that when it comes to souls and spirituality but I’ve found myself in a space of wonder and now a quiet acceptance at what I’ve felt since we landed in my home. In my choice to invite her out there, I thought it would be a nice getaway for herself and a way to further us getting to explore things about one another that you’ll never be able to find on the internet. That exploration has emotionally driven me to a point of no return.

Just the sound and sight of her laughter evoked responses from my body that I know she didn’t notice with her keen eyes but I certainly felt within me. Whether it was the fluttering with my stomach or my need to protect her intensifying; it was there. Every conversation we shared stored into my memory, word by word, and played back many times over so they’d forever be engraved.

Our quiet outings with one another didn’t feel like dates. I feel like there are expectations and far too many impressions that you need to leave on a person whenever the date title is involved, although I don’t mind using it. With Sarai, it just felt like I was hanging out with one of my best friends. What impressed us didn’t involve extravagance. She actually scolded me for renting such a massive space for us to reside in during our stay. All we did was eat and bask in one another and the time we were able to spend away from here. Mentally, I never mustered up a single thought about our intimacy going beyond us only spending time together without any outside interruptions. Despite my quiet yearning for her, there was no pressure or haste for any of that. Throughout that day, I could feel a shift in the energy between us. I couldn’t quite explain it or comprehend what it meant, but the way it radiated between the two of us said far more than any words spilling from our lips ever could.

Our limbs only responded to what our souls were calling for. Every inch of her connected to me in a perfection that I’ve never experienced in the life that I’ve lived thus far. Her taste; my God. Anything that has gone through the test of my tasting is incomparable. Her nectar distinctively tastes like it’s made solely for me and I’m drunkenly hooked; I can never have enough of it.

As my flesh drowned into hers, I lost myself into her world. My awareness solely became hers. It became my mission to learn her every tick, gasp, and need. Nothing else mattered. Her haven welcomed me, leaving me safe and sound within her arms. The tears that filled her eyes evoked a flood of them into mine. She rendered me to speechlessness.

I could only show her my every emotion. I didn’t know I was waiting for her until now. I didn’t know how much I needed her until now. How could such flawlessness exist? I….just. How can I put it into words? It’s never been this way for me before. I’ve always been someone in control of most things about myself and of what I allow into my life but Sarai? She’s shaken me up to the core. I am willingly at her mercy. I know no other way to be for her.

It’s unnerving and yet beautiful all at once. I find myself laughing at myself because I never thought I’d be here. After all of the juvenile conversations I’ve had with my pops and a shit ton of my friends, I figured the bachelor or temporary relationship life would be it for me until I randomly settled down with some long-term girlfriend later on down the line. As they all put it, it would be less troublesome and no paperwork involved. I could see why the easy way out is appealing, but the harsh reality is that it wouldn’t be worth it.

I’m sorry, babe. I really was tired. After finishing up an episode of the Podcast yesterday evening, I ended up having to head right into the city for a birthday dinner. By the time I got home, I had no energy to do anything other than sleep.

I don’t even want to argue. What’s the point of doing so over something that’s such an easy fix?

So, what’s our plans for tonight then?

Shep is throwing Chanel a surprise gathering in a venue room in condominium they currently reside in. He’s proposing to her at some point today and then the party is celebrating that and her birthday tonight. He and I had a couple of conversations about the deep love that he has for her and he’d been telling me that he found the one for him maybe a month or two after they got into a relationship. I remember when he came over here to tell me that he planned to propose and I wasn’t shocked in the slightest. I just told him how proud I am of him for taking such a huge step and jokingly said that I wouldn’t be doing it any time soon.

Sterling reached out to me and invited me to a party tonight for Chanel. I’m sure that you know about it and will most likely be there. I have an event that I have to go to prior to it but I may stop by to give her my love.

I almost ruined the surprise aspect of the party two days ago. I was in the car with Shep and I took the phone from him and told her that we’d see her on Friday for her birthday, but thankfully she didn’t think anything of it. He didn’t tell me he was inviting Sarai though, with his sneaky ass.

And after that?  

If my ankle wasn’t in its current state, I’d suggest that we go skiing this weekend. I can’t afford the possibility of falling though; at least not right now. We’ll have to hold off on that until next year around this time.

Your place.

Taylor must still be around.

I’m holding you to that.

If she shows up to the party tonight, we can just proceed back here from there, hopefully together.

You have my word. See you tonight.

Now what the hell am I going to wear?

“Where you heading to momma?” I pulled my red Supreme x Louis Vuitton hoodie over my head before glancing over at her. The comfort wear she had on earlier was gone and she switched up into stuff she typically wears when she’s heading out for a night on the town. The Chanel bag on her shoulder is one of those random gifts from me. I picked it up the other day because I felt like she’d like it. I got something for my baby too.

“Dinner with Tammy. You need anything before I head out?”

“Nah. I’m good.”

“Make sure you give Chanel and Sterling my love. Tell them I said congratulations. I’m so thrilled for them.”

“I will.” With the pictures the two of them shared on social media, the news is already heavily circulating around all of the social media apps.

“You coming back home tonight?”

“Yeah, why?” A snicker slipped out as I glance over at her again. Where did that question come from?

“I don’t know. It’s the weekend. I figured you’d be hanging out or something.”

“Yeah, I’m going to the party. After that, I’m supposed to kick it with Sarai here.” That’s what she really wanted to know but she just didn’t want to be obvious with her nosiness.

“Oh good. That way you can stop moping around here.”

“Moping? I haven’t been moping.”

“Oh yes you have. The last time I seen you smile extra hard was over a week ago when we all had breakfast together before you two left to fly back home. Since then, you’ve been around here with the sour face. Oh, young love. I miss those days.”

“Yeah, okay momma.” As I playfully rolled my eyes, she giggled and shook her head. She’s nearly as blissful about this as I am. She spent more time conversing with Sarai in the kitchen than she did with me the morning before we left. It turns out they share quite a bit in common, including running track and field in high school and their love of fashion.

“Give her my love too. Maybe she and I can have that lunch date we spoke about. I’ll shoot her text tomorrow.”

“I will.”

Once I grabbed my phone to look at the time, I immediately sucked my teeth because I’m damn near late. That brief nap I took ran over far more time than it should have. I should have been ready a long ass time ago and I’m still standing here in the mirror, putting on jewelry.

“I need to get out of here. I hope the driver is outside.”

I would have driven myself over there, but I don’t know how much I’m going to drink tonight and I’d rather not risk having to sleep on Shep’s couch on the night that he got engaged to the love of his life. That’s cockblocking on a whole new level.

“Be safe tonight.”

“Will do. I left the car keys on the coffee table for you.” As soon as I clasped my watch on my arm, I slipped my phone into my pocket and shut all of the lights off in my bedroom. Yet again, I sucked my teeth and turned around to turn a few of them back on. I couldn’t leave without making up the bed. It would be tasteless of me to have her lay in it with the blanket and the sheets all over the place. Lastly, I jogged into the closet and grabbed one of my practice t-shirts to place on her side of the bed so she’ll have something to sleep in.

“The car is here!”

“On my way down right now.”

I didn’t even bother with turning off the lights again. I just grabbed Chanel’s gift, trekked down the stairs, gave my momma a kiss, and ran out of the door. I already know Shep is like five seconds off of calling to see where I’m at.

When we first spoke about the surprise party, initially the plans were to do something bigger but after taking Chanel’s personality into consideration and the importance of the moment, the intimate setting fit better. From the time I walked through the doors, I appreciated the vibe. There’s nothing industry about it. There’s no paparazzi flooding the front of the building, like it would have been if he booked out some nightclub in Manhattan.

There are no cameras or media personalities walking around the partying looking for some hot take to post for the sake of driving up the website traffic for whatever publication or blog they work for. The only camera being worked around the room is Jeff’s and he’s doing so to create memories for the happy couple. Aside from our teammates, who we consider to be our brothers, no one here is really what anyone would consider to be industry and I’m glad of that.

“This nigga really has on a Supreme walking boot. You can’t get no swaggier than that.” Otto drew attention to my boot as soon as he pointed down at it and I instantly stuck out my foot to show it off in a playfully exaggerated manner. Every time I wear this thing, it’s pointed out with some kind of commentary. It’s definitely something I would do, but I can’t take credit for it this time. Sarai gets it all, though I can’t brag on it by saying that.

“Aye, you know me.”

I dipped my chip down into the dip bowl for yet another round of the snack that I’ve damn near eaten all of. It’s been a minute since I’ve been to a party with a good ass dip. Shep gon’ have to tell me where that came from.

“Thank you for the gift lil’ big bro. I can’t wait to wear it.” Chanel wrapped me into another bear hug. I’d gotten her a diamond necklace made with Shep’s number on it that’s identical to the one that I got for him. I remembered her talking about stealing his, so I figured I’d get her one made so it wouldn’t have to come down to that. It falls right in line with that corny couple shit that they love anyway.

“It’s no problem. I’m happy for ya’ll. I appreciate you for making my lil’ brother happy. You really are his whole heart.”

“And he’s mine.” Her eyes panned down to my phone for a brief second. I’d just liked the picture Sarai shared on Instagram. She’s covered in velvet from head to toe and she looks absolutely incredible. I couldn’t just skim away from it like I’d do any other picture on my timeline.

“And she’s yours huh? I think she’s coming tonight.”

“I heard.”

“Look at how your eyes just lit up. I’m happy for you too.”

“Happy about what?” As hard as it is, I had to play it off for the sake of practice. I’ve always been private and reserved about certain aspects of my life, but with this, sometimes I just want to proudly scream it from the mountain tops. Sometimes I want to be just as proud as the next man who is happily committed to someone.

“You know what I’m happy about. Besides, your boy can have a big mouth sometimes. I’ve heard about a lot, including the trip.” Her wink immediately made me look over at Shep, who had been dancing by the ping pong table for the past couple of minutes.

“Aye Shep! We on that table!” I shouted loud enough to be heard over the music and he instantly threw me a thumbs up in agreement for the ass whooping that’s about to come. He’s not seeing me in ping pong.

“Aw. I didn’t mean to put you in the hot seat.”

“You didn’t. It’s cool.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s cool. I’m good.”

I don’t know what to say about her and I. I know what I want to say but none of that can be it. I had to choose somebody to fully confide in and Shep was it. I just needed an ear to not only vent about the frustrating times we’ve had thus far, but also to excitedly discuss how joyed I am. I figured if anyone could relate to me and what I’m feeling right now, it had to be him so he’s my go to. While my momma and siblings know the basic aspects of she and I, Shep knows it all…down to the ultimate intimacy we’ve shared.  

Based upon Sarai’s standards, that’s probably one too many people. I stand firm in my belief that no one on her end knows about me; not even Taylor.

“You ready for this ass whooping?”

“A hundred dollars on it?” I knew he’d turn it into a bet.

“Bet.”

What started out as an intense and yet hilarious game turned into nothing more than us dancing around the table to Future songs. Our locker room antics made its way to the small area that didn’t have any furniture and a dance off began. Aside from being on the field, it’s what I’ve been missing the most. After practice or after one hell of a game, we ease the tension away by putting on a Beats Pill in the locker room and just rocking out right in the middle of the floor. Sometimes we’ll even get Eli’s off beat ass into the mix.

I catch plenty of criticism for all of the dancing, but I really don’t give a fuck about any of that. I’ve learned since coming into the league how much people aim to deliberately steal your joy because they’re either miserable or just don’t want to see you being happy. I can’t live my life trying to please people like that because I’ll end up in that same mental space.

“Throw on that Free Smoke!”

Italian bergamot sprinkled with warm cinnamon slithered past my nose. Cocoa and hints of jasmine left me in a state of total surrender as I stood still, looking like the odd one amongst the rowdy crew. I smelled her before I could see her. It’s the same exact scent that oozed from her skin the night I left my kisses on every part of her that I desired to. Those chargrilled oysters we had with the crawfish were nothing in comparison to the aphrodisiac that is her scent. I can feel myself flinching in my pants and I’ve yet to turn around.

All it took was a glance over my shoulder for me to see her wrapped up into Chanel’s arms. In her hands were two shopping bags from Gucci. Like women tend to do, they were fawning over one another with compliments and kisses to their cheeks. Her milk chocolate skin illuminated under the dim lighting with a glow unlike any other woman in the room, including the bride to be. I know it to be true, because what was once a crew of dancers, turned into an audience for her.

“Sarai!”

Shep left us all to stand there looking like morons. As the seconds went by, I was the last moron standing in place. If they weren’t going to greet her, they were going to meet her. Though she’d protest against anyone ever deeming her to be anything of the sort, she became the power in the room just that quickly.

Our eyes met briefly. Her wave was like that of one that she’d give a stranger randomly walking by. It was calculated and without emotion. I could only nod in response to it. The table I was once sitting at awaited me and I returned to it without much said. What could I say anyway?

“You good?” I threw back another glass of Ace of Spades with a nod. I could smell the Hennessy on his breath as he flopped down into the chair next to me. My stomach couldn’t handle dark liquor tonight, especially not mixed in with champagne. I’ll be throwing up my insides in no time If I try it.

“I’m good.”

“Otto tryna’ steal your girl.” Oh, I know. His mouth may not be saying it, but his eyes are. If he bites his lip one more time, I just might launch this bottle at his head. He’s over there deliberately standing amongst the women just to be in her face.

“I know. I see him.” The amusement on Shep’s face said it all. He’s entertained by all of this.

“You should see your face. You look like you want to kill him. That’s why I came over here. Cool down tiger.”

“I’m cool.”

“You in love huh?” I don’t even want to talk about love and if I’m in it right now. Love is complex. Is that why I’m in a maze right now?

“Shep, my girl is in the room, and I can’t speak to her. I have to sit here and watch my teammate all but ask for her number, and I can’t say a motherfucking thing. You want to talk about love when we’re in that type of space?”

“Yeah, because you wouldn’t be reacting this way if it weren’t involved.”

“I’m not reacting.”

“But you are. I just said that you look like you want to kill something. You look like one wrong move and you’re going to fuck up this party.”

“I would never do that.”

“I know that, but you’re on the edge. You’re my brother. I can see it. It’s nothing wrong with it. She is too. You just have your heart on your sleeve.” And that’s the frightening part.

“Yeah, just me.”

“Not just you. Just you within this moment.”

“Why did I have to go the complex route? Look at you and Cha Cha. Ya’ll are happy and just living life. There are no restrictions or obstacles in your way. My situation? It’s nothing but that. I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life, bro. At one point, all I could think about was winning chips. It’s what drove me, aside from making sure that my family is good. It still does, but now, the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning is her. I’m going to sleep thinking about her. I’m thinking about shit for my life that I swore off.”

“So, love.” His laughter wasn’t loud enough to draw attention to us but I could hear it well enough as I watched her shake hands with Brad. He and I go way back to LSU, but I’ll still check his ass if need be.

“Whatever, man.”

“Nothing worth something comes to you easily. That can be said for anything in life. Chanel and I were not as easy as you assume. We just worked at it from the very beginning and shit just flowed. She played hard to get for a lil’ minute. You know that.”

“I know.”

“Ya’ll got something special. I know it because I’ve never seen you like this before. I’ve never even heard you talking like his. We talk about God all the time. What you were once just admiring and thought was a silly crush made its way into your life and proved itself to be something for you. I don’t think that’s some coincidence. What’s for you is for you. Trust it. Those are your words, not mine. I just believe in them just as much as you do now.” During one of our earlier conversations about all of this, I did say that. I still don’t think it’s a coincidence. It’s a blessing for sure, but even your blessings come with a couple of lessons to learn.

“I hear you.”

“Alright then, so get your ass up.”

I thought we were going back to the ping pong table, but he was pulling me out there to dance. This time around, it wasn’t just an all guy thing. We got the women in the room involved in too. Sarai? Not so much. She sat with a cup of soda in her hand and exhaustion in her eyes. The long work day and whatever event she attended tonight drained out whatever energy she had left.

“Bruh, I might shoot my shot. I know so many have tried and failed, but fuck it. I’m willing to take the L.” Liquid courage revved up Otto’s boldness as he hung off my shoulder and ogled at the prize; my prize. In an instant my jaw clenched.

“She doesn’t look like she’s up for that.” And neither am I.

“She looks like she’s chilling to me. You got some gum or something?”

“Nah.”

“Aye man. Chill out. Abort that mission immediately. She out of ya league playboy.” Shep’s joke earned laughter out of the both of them. It served as a much needed distraction. Instead of approaching her, he was now wrapped up in a senseless conversation while I leisurely made my way across the room to be within inches of her presence.

“Tired?” As soon as I extended my hand, she latched hers onto it for a handshake. The warmth of her palm soothed the pressure within my shoulders and back effortlessly. Apprehension filled her eyes as she turned her head from side to side to take in the room.

“Very.”

“Head start?” I reached into my pocket for my keys and slowly withdrew them. Her eyes instantly widened.

“Beckham.”

“No one is paying attention to us. Just shake my hand again.” As she had done just a moment ago, she placed her hand onto mine and just like that, my house keys were in her possession.

“See you in a bit.”

I walked away before she had a chance to tell me to do so and within minutes, she began to make her rounds to bid her goodbyes to those who she knew. She spoke with Chanel for an extended time, as I expected, and with a final wave and thanks for the invitation, she left out as quietly as she came in. Her head start wouldn’t be too extended because I’m getting out here soon. I don’t need to become any tipsier than I already am. The next morning hangover is never pretty.

“We don’t have save the dates or anything like that ready, but I’m telling you now that I need you as one of my groomsmen.” I immediately dapped him in appreciation. I’ve only been to one wedding in my life and the experience was boring as hell if you ask me. I need some sort of redemption and I’m honor to be a part of one of my closest friends’ big day.

“You got it brother. Just let me know when and where. We gon’ make that bachelor weekend something epic.”

“Ya’ll better. Not too crazy though.”

“Look at you. Already washed up and you ain’t even walk down the aisle yet.”

“You starting to look a little washed too brother.” His laughter was solo. If he didn’t think I lived out Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin” verse every day, he wouldn’t find any of this so funny. I was and am not that damn bad.

“You know what, I’m out. You clowning.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know where you’re rushing too. It’s cool. Hit me tomorrow.”

“Bet. Congratulations again. As your pops, I couldn’t be any prouder of you son.”

“Man, if you don’t go somewhere.”

After our shared hug, I didn’t go around the room for any goodbyes, because if I did, I would have been there for another hour. My parting was general and I left out after using the bathroom.

Having to ring my own doorbell may have been the funniest part of the night. Initially, it was awkward, but I ended up slightly laughing when an annoyed Sarai opened the door after I pressed the bell one too many times.

I didn’t expect so much darkness when I stepped into the house. She hadn’t gone anywhere besides the living room because it was the only light on. My momma beat us here, because the car’s in the driveway. She has to be sleeping.

“Really?” I figured she’d go straight to bed, but instead, she returned back to her position of being sprawled out on all of the floor with not just Mowgli and Eris, but Khan and Blackjack too. She had The Wood on to preoccupy her time. She hadn’t even taken off her jacket. The heels were off though.

“If I didn’t stay awake, how else were you going to get in?”

“I thought you’d at least change your clothes.”

“You want me walking around your home in a t-shirt while your mother’s here? That may not be the best idea.” Usually as soon as I walk in the door, all four of the dogs are at my feet and awaiting my attention. Tonight, they didn’t even flinch at the sight of me. She’s not only casted her spell on me, but on them too.

“You hungry or thirsty?”

“I had some coconut water when I came in. I’m alright. I think I may be coming down with something. Like a flu, maybe.”

“Like a stomach flu?” As she leaned forward, I flopped down on the couch behind her and she leaned her back against it again. My next move was to grab her ponytail so that I could run my fingers through it.

“No. Like a cold or something. I have a headache and my throat is slightly sore. Maybe it’s because I’m tired and have been talking all day. I hope it’s that.”

“Want some aspirin?”

“I took some already. I keep a bottle in my bag.”

“You should just go to bed then. It’s not like you have to get up in the morning. You can sleep in. I won’t bother you.” We’ll be sleeping in together, because I’m tired my damn self. I’ve been up since six. That nap did nothing for me.

“After the movie. I just put it on. You had therapy today?”

“Yeah.” Though we can talk to one another about anything, I didn’t want to say much of anything about that. After today’s frustration, I feel like somewhat of a failure.

“How was it?”

“It wasn’t my best effort. Every time I step down on it with all of my weight, it just feels unsteady. The discomfort isn’t easy either. Shit, I’m feeling some soreness from all of the dancing I was doing tonight.” The movie became an afterthought as she turned around and reached for the boot, she gifted to me. The dogs and myself looked on as she slowly released the straps and pulled it off. Relief washed over me when I felt the freeness.  

“What are you doing?” My feet aren’t the prettiest. I didn’t expect her to pull my sock off but she did. Slowly, her fingers kneaded into my ankle. Yet again, it’s another moment of me wondering if she’s real or mythical.

“You have to trust it. Most of all, you have to trust yourself. Once you do that, all of the worry will be behind you.”

“I’m working on that.”

“You know your body better than anyone else does. You take better care of your body than most people I know. I read how you put at least three hundred thousand dollars into your body during the off season to make sure you’re well and ready for the fall. This is no different. Believe in your process and the ankle will follow.” She leaned her head down and aligned her lips at the beginning mark of the surgical scar. Finally, she trailed kisses down its entirety and back up to the beginning point where she started. Chills gradually trickled all over my frame as I lay there in silence. Sometimes I can’t stand the sight of that scar and here she is, kissing it.

“Flaws and all, Beckham. Flaws and all.”

“Thank you.”

It’s one thing to quietly hope that someone accepts you with any flaws that you may come with, but it’s something spiritual to hear it being told to you. I’ve known of her acceptance since she stood up for me. It was the first time in a long time that I not only felt understood, but also properly seen, heard, and genuinely applauded.

“Just trust it.” She placed one last kiss over my scar and lazily flopped back down into the position she was once in before.

Though she missed a few minutes of the movie, she didn’t bother with rewinding it. My fingers found their way back into her ponytail as I attempted to watch it along with her. It failed to keep my attention for more than ten minutes. No matter how hard I tried stay awake, my body’s plea for sleep won.

“Sarai.” The TV read just ten minutes after five in the morning. What started off as a comfortable sleep turned into me tossing and turning for more space than I had. I should have gotten in the bed in the first place.

“I know you not asleep on that floor.”

The dogs were still there but she wasn’t. The boots were no longer alongside the couch and instead of her black bag still being on the coffee table, my keys were there.

Suddenly the urge to fall back to sleep ceased as disappointment overwhelmed me.

[emospritelet]

Chapter 7 is up, in which past!Weaver and Lacey prepare for their new life together, with ‘help’ from those around them.

Cover art by the awesomely beautiful @timelordthirteen

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

AO3 link

Three years and eight months earlier

Weaver found that the news of his impending fatherhood gave him insomnia.  After Lacey had gone to bed, he stayed up until three in the morning researching pregnancy, childbirth and how to arrange a wedding in the quickest time possible.  He wasn't about to do anything without speaking to Lacey first, but upon looking into it, he found that they could wrap the whole thing up within a matter of days if they could find someone to perform the ceremony. He didn’t want a fuss, and he suspected Lacey felt the same way.

By the time he finally went to bed he was exhausted, and was woken at seven by a knock on the door.  He groaned into the pillow, burying his face in it in denial of it being morning.

“You wanted me to wake you, remember?”

He rolled onto his back with a sigh, to see Lacey standing there in loose pants and a vest, her dark curls rumpled and a cup of coffee in one hand.  It was like old times, but for the sad look in her eyes. He wished he could make her smile again.

“Thanks,” he said wearily, sitting up and running his hands over his face, and she set the cup down on his nightstand, sitting on the edge of his bed with her hands folded in her lap.

“So,” she said, glancing at him.  “Did you actually get any sleep?”

Weaver let his hands drop, meeting her eyes.  She looked nervous, as though she was half-expecting him to go back on his own suggestion and throw her out again.

“Yeah,” he said.  “I mean I didn’t get a lot.  I spent most of the night reading up on what we’d need to do to sort a quick wedding out.  The ceremony itself only takes around fifteen minutes, and it turns out that if we can find someone who’s ordained, we just need to apply for a licence and wait three days.”

“Roni’s ordained,” said Lacey.  “I remember her telling me she married a couple of guys that go to the bar. We could ask her.”

“Is she?”  He shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee.  “Well, that could make things easier. Would you be okay with that?”

Lacey chewed her lip.

“I think it’d be - nice,” she said.  “Having someone we know.”

“Then we can go and see her today,” he said.  “If you like.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll need a couple of witnesses, too,” he added.  “I thought I’d ask Fa and Dunbroch. Just so they get the opportunity to take the piss out of me, really.”

He grinned, trying to lighten the mood, but Lacey regarded him soberly with her blue eyes, silent, almost accusing. He wanted to sigh, but he kept going.

“Anyone you want to be there?”

Lacey hesitated for a moment, but shook her head.

"I'll give you some money for a new dress, if you like," he added, and she eyed him.

"What are you going to wear?"

"I own a grand total of one suit," he admitted.  "And honestly it could be a bit tight.  Haven't worn it since I ditched the cigarettes."

Lacey smiled faintly.

"Well, don't be uncomfortable on my account," she said.  "Buy yourself something new, you cheapskate.  Or wear jeans, if you want.  Not like this is gonna be a Hello celebrity wedding special, is it?"

He smiled at that, but she dropped her gaze, looking at her hands, and he put his head to the side, trying to catch her eye.

“What about after?” he asked.

“After?”

“It’s traditional to go on honeymoon.”

Lacey wrinkled her nose.

“I think I’d rather just stay in town.”

“You sure?” he asked.  “When I say honeymoon, I was - I was just meaning a break, a change, that's all.  Just a few days.  I could drive us out of the city. Could be nice to get a little fresh air.”

She was silent, and he sighed, deciding to change the subject.

“What about you?” he asked.  “How did you sleep?”

Lacey shrugged.

“I slept okay,” she said.  “Indigestion. Shouldn’t have eaten all those hot wings.”

“Sorry.”

She wrinkled her nose.

“Nah, it’s one of those pregnancy things,” she said.  “My body wants spicy food even though my brain keeps telling me it’s gonna hurt if I eat it.”

“Is there something I can get you for that?”

She gave him a tiny grin.

“More hot wings?”

Weaver returned the grin.

“I can see I’ll have to save you from yourself.”

“Well, you do like to do that,” she said dryly, and his grin widened.

“So apart from the indigestion, you slept okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, looking around.  “It - it feels kinda like being home.  Comforting. It’s weird.”

“Oh.”  He picked up his coffee.  “Well, good. You know this is your home now, right?”

She nodded, concentrating on her fingers as she tapped them together, and he took a sip of coffee before setting down his cup.

“Why did you go to Maine?” he asked quietly, and Lacey glanced up, catching her lower lip in her teeth for a moment before letting it go and looking away.

“Looked up an old friend,” she said dismissively.

“Were you there long?” he asked, and she shrugged.

“Long enough to work out I was pregnant.”

“Ah,” he said, as though he understood.  He wished he fucking did. “Your friend knows, then?”

“Yeah,” said Lacey softly.  “They - uh - told me to come back here.”

Or else you wouldn’t have?  He shoved the thought away as soon as it formed.  They could talk about why she had left so abruptly some other time.

“You sure you don’t want to invite them to the wedding?” he asked.  Lacey shook her head.

“Long way to come for fifteen minutes, right?”

“I guess,” he said, and sipped his coffee.  “Did you eat breakfast?”

Lacey gave him a flat look.

“What would I eat?” she asked.  “You have nothing.  Did you go back to living on coffee and bloody cheese slices the moment I left, or did it take you all of a week?”

He grinned at that.

“Okay, how about we go to Granny’s and get breakfast, then?” he said.

“If we can go grocery shopping afterwards,” she agreed, and patted his shoulder.  “Get your arse out of bed and buy me pancakes.”

She sauntered out, and his grin widened.  She hadn’t changed that much.

x

Weaver spent the morning organising his domestic situation as best he could.  Breakfast was followed by grocery shopping, which was something like the old days, him pushing the cart while Lacey tossed whatever she wanted in it, and then a frenzied dash back around the store when they realised they didn’t have anything to make a decent meal with.  They then went to apply for a marriage licence, and he was relieved to see that Lacey seemed a little more enthusiastic about the idea than she had the previous day. It gave him hope that they could make a success of their new life, despite the inauspicious start.

He had work that afternoon, and so after they had gotten Roni’s surprised but immediate agreement to perform the wedding ceremony, he headed off to the precinct, leaving Lacey with Roni, at her request.

Fa wasn’t in the office, which made him frown in puzzlement.  She hadn’t called to tell him that she would be late, and he hoped she hadn’t decided to go chasing after some new lead without waiting for backup.  Unlike her, to be sure; of the two of them, she was the more sensible, cautious one, but he was protective of her nonetheless. Especially given what had happened with Nolan.  She wasn’t answering her phone, either, and he sighed in frustration, leaving her a curt message telling her to call. There were new cases on his desk, but none of them looked especially interesting, and so he checked through his emails instead.  Merida pushed a cup of coffee at him as he dealt with the last of them.

“You look like crap,” she said.  “What kept you awake this time?”

“The thought of seeing you,” he said absently, and she snorted, smacking his shoulder and making him smirk.

“Mulan said to tell you that she’ll be back around three, by the way,” she said.  “Personal time, nothing to worry about.”

Weaver looked up with a wicked grin.

“First name terms now, is it?” he said.  “I was wondering when you two would pull your heads out of your arses.”

Merida blushed a deep red.

“Shut up, it’s no’ like that!”

“Did you forget I’m a bloody detective?” he asked mildly.  “Finding out people's secrets is what I do."

“Can’t find your arse with both hands, most days,” she said, her deep blush clashing wonderfully with her red hair.  

Weaver inclined his head.

"Well, I’ve had to put up with months of you two making heart-eyes at one another over the forensic results,” he said.  "Hardly the biggest mystery I've ever had to crack.  Just bloody ask her out before I do it for you."

"Don't you bloody dare," snapped Merida, still blushing.  “Have you looked at those new files yet?”

“Give me a bloody chance,” he grumbled, reaching for the files.  “Are any of these urgent? I’m planning on taking a week off starting Thursday.”

“Since when?”

“Since now.”

He sipped at the coffee she had given him, and Merida picked up her own cup, frowning curiously.

“What’s with the time off all of a sudden?” she asked, flicking her hair back.  “Drake usually has to kick you out of this place to get you to take a break. You get a new hobby or something?”

“Not exactly,” he said.  “I’m getting married.”

It was gratifying to see her choke on her coffee, and he couldn’t help grinning as she glared at him, setting down the cup on his desk hard enough that coffee slopped over the rim, splattering outwards in a dark brown sunburst.

“Since when, you arsehole?” she demanded.

“Since yesterday,” he said, opening up a file.

“Since—”  She threw up her hands.  “What the bloody hell happened when I was sleeping?”

“Lacey,” he said heavily.  “Turned up out of the blue after four months.  No idea what she’s been up to, but she’s back, and she’s moving in with me. Permanently.”

“I thought that was her I saw yesterday,” she said thoughtfully, and ran a hand through her hair.  “I mean, I know you two had some kind of weird thing for each other, but I figured that she liked older guys and you were just a pervert.”

“Thanks a fucking bunch,” he said, in a flat tone.  “It was never like that. We were friends, that’s all.”

“And you’re jumping from ‘friends’ to ‘she does a bunk for four months’ to ‘married’?” she said sceptically.  “You sure that’s the logical next step for you two idiots?”

“Well, I found out I’m gonna be a father in five months,” he said dryly.  “Tends to concentrate the mind.”

Her eyes bulged at that.

“Are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack today?” she spluttered. “Lacey’s pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“So when you say you were ‘friends’...”

“It happened once,” he said impatiently.  “She left right after. I woke up and she was gone.”

“You need to work on your technique,” she observed, grinning.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said.  “By the way, are you busy Thursday afternoon? I need a best man - or woman, I guess - and the only other candidate can’t make it.”

He gave her the briefest of smiles, and she sent him a sober look.

“Still no word?” she asked, and Weaver sighed.

“I went to the hospital yesterday,” he said.  “There’s no change, although they say he could wake up anytime.  Could be hours, could be days. Could be never.”

His voice trailed off, and he looked down at the open file in front of him, pretending to concentrate on its contents but seeing nothing.

“Well,” said Merida, her cheerfulness sounding a little forced.  “Guess I’ll have to be your best woman, then, since you’re such a fucking loser you only have like three friends.”

He grinned at that.

“I don’t have to give a bloody speech, do I?” she asked, and he sighed again.

“Believe me, this is the opposite of a formal occasion,” he said.  “I really only need you there as a witness, to be honest.  It'll be a short ceremony, followed by drinks at Roni’s. I might spring to some food if anyone’s hungry.”

“Seattle’s socialites are gonna lose their shit at missing out on this one.”

“Will you come or not?”

“Fine,” she sighed, sounding put-upon.  “Anyone else attending the wedding of the year?”

“I’ll ask Fa, obviously,” he said.  “Roni’s agreed to perform the ceremony. That’s pretty much it.”

“Where are you going on honeymoon?” she asked, winking at him.

“We’re not.”

“What?”  She shook her head.  “Fuck’s sake, man, you’re marrying a gorgeous girl less than half your age and you can’t spring for a weekend away?”

“I asked,” he said.  “She said she didn’t want to leave town.”

“I’m guessing no pre-wedding party either.”

“She’s pregnant,” said Weaver repressively.  “And before you ask, no, you are not taking me out and getting me shit-faced, okay?”

Merida sighed, slumping a little.

“Fine,” she said.  “This is shaping up to be the weirdest wedding ever.”

“Well, look on the bright side,” he said blandly.  “Play your cards right and you and Fa could end up snogging in a corner at Roni’s.”

“Shut up, you wanker,” she muttered, stomping off, and he snickered.

x

Roni had an apartment above the bar she owned, a pleasant two-bed with a spacious kitchen-diner and a large balcony, on which she grew potted herbs and chillies and a dwarf apple tree in a large terracotta urn.  Lacey had been there several times when she and Weaver had lived together as friends, drinking wine and whisky and listening to Roni’s extensive collection of music as they talked into the small hours.  Roni was making tea now, pouring hot water over bags of dried peppermint as Lacey sat at her kitchen table.  There were bags of baby supplies stacked in one corner: diapers and plastic-wrapped bibs and boxed toys, and Lacey eyed them curiously.

“I’m guessing the adoption you were talking about is going through, huh?” she asked, and Roni smiled, flicking wisps of dark hair off her face as she brought the cups to the table.

“A baby boy,” she said.  “Three months old. I pick him up next week.”

“Congratulations,” said Lacey, taking her tea.  “What are you calling him?”

“Henry.”  Roni sat down opposite, dark eyes soft and a smile still curving her lips.  “I hired someone to cover in the bar. Something tells me I’m gonna be pretty busy at home for awhile.”

“Yeah, well, if you have any tips, let me know,” said Lacey dryly, cupping her hands around her tea.  Roni eyed her.

“Maybe they can have playdates,” she suggested.  “You know what you’re having yet?”

Lacey shook her head.

“Got a preference?”

“Human, I guess.”  She pulled a face. “Honestly, at the moment I’m trying not to think about it too much.  Too scary.”

“Well, at least you have Rafe to support you,” said Roni.  “How come you didn’t come back earlier? He would have helped, you know.”

“I know,” sighed Lacey.  “I know, I just - I was kind of pretending it wasn’t happening.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m wondering if he’s doing the same.”

Roni snorted quietly, picking up her tea.

“Are you kidding?  Seems to me like he’s getting your entire future planned out.”

“I doubt it’s the future he wanted,” muttered Lacey, and Roni set down her cup, leaning on the table and fixing her with dark eyes.

“He could’ve just given you child support,” she said flatly.  “Instead he offers to marry you, give you a good home, a decent standard of living and everything that goes along with that.  Did he even ask you for a paternity test when the kid’s born?”

Lacey shook her head, and Roni sat back, folding her arms.

“So he’s done all that without you even proving the kid’s his?”

“I don’t sleep around!” snapped Lacey.  “It’s his baby. But we had a one-night-stand, that was it!  It’s not like we were ever together!”

“Didn’t you take off right after?” asked Roni.  “What do you think would have happened if you’d stuck around?”

“I dunno,” said Lacey.  “Awkwardness and - and strained conversations while he tries to work out why the hell he did it.”

Roni nodded slowly, and sat forward again.

“Sounds to me like you’d already made your mind up he didn’t want you,” she said, more gently.  “That he couldn’t want you.  Honey, I get it, I do.  Low self-esteem’s a fucking bitch, but you have more than yourself to think about right now.  You need to give things a chance, right?”

"I'm not - great - at letting people in," said Lacey uncomfortably.  "Or, you know, forming meaningful relationships or any of that shit.  How the hell can I be a - a wife?  I can barely say the word!  It sounds like something someone way older and more mature than me would be, you know?"

"And 'mother' doesn't?"

Lacey's mouth twisted.

"Like I said," she whispered.  "Trying not to think about it."

Roni sighed, raising her eyes to the ceiling.

“Look, it took both of you to make this baby,” she said.  “Clearly you liked him enough to fuck him, so can you at least try to make an effort to be happy?”

“He’s only doing it because he feels sorry for me,” mumbled Lacey.

“So what?”

“So, I don’t want him to feel obligated, that’s what.”

Roni fixed her with a look.

“He got you pregnant,” she said.  “Of course he feels obligated. He’s a decent guy, whether he believes it or not.”

“I know that…”

“So it’s time to pull up your big girl pants and make a life with him,” said Roni. “For the sake of your child, if nothing else.”

Lacey shifted uncomfortably.

“What if I don’t know how?” she asked.  “What if I just end up hurting him? That’s the last thing I want.”

“Try having a little faith in yourself.”

Lacey snorted, and Roni sighed impatiently.

“Well, sitting here whining about it isn’t gonna solve anything,” she said.  “Just try. Take a honeymoon. Even if it’s just a couple of days out of town. Take those two days. A fresh start. A new life. It’s more than a lot of people get.”

Lacey shifted in her seat, her mouth twisting.

“I’m not used to staying in one place too long,” she said.  “I’m not sure I’d feel safe, you know?”

“There’s safety in being settled, too,” said Roni.  “There’s safety in family, and friends, and community.  Don’t let your past dictate your future, okay? People can change.  Life can be awesome.”

Lacey smiled slightly at that, and glanced down at her tea, watching the ripples on the surface, the liquid a pale olive green.

“Okay,” she said.  “I’ll try.”

“Good.”  Roni sat back, sipping her tea.  “So are you and I going shopping for honeymoon underwear, or what?”

x

Weaver walked along the hospital corridor, his footsteps seeming too loud on the tiles.  At that hour, the ward was relatively calm, the muted sounds of the intercom and the beeping of machines barely registering in his brain.  He reached the room he was seeking, opening up the door and halting in the doorway as he saw that he wasn’t the first visitor.

David Nolan lay motionless in the hospital bed, a blue cotton sheet pulled over him and tubes snaking away from his body to machines at the side of the bed.  He looked the same as when he had first been put in this bed, one terrible night four months earlier.  Weaver had cried that night for the first time in years, weeping from guilt and grief.  Until Lacey had sought to comfort him, of course.  Funny how things worked out.

Snow, David’s wife, looked up from her place at his side.  A stroller was parked beside her, their baby son, Neal, fast asleep with a knitted hat pulled down over his head.  Snow’s eyes narrowed beneath short, dark hair, her mouth pursing a little.

“I just came to see how he was,” said Weaver.

“Well, he’s pretty much the same as yesterday,” she said bluntly.  “Or every other day he’s been in here.  What exactly were you expecting?”

“A miracle, I guess,” he said simply, and Snow looked away.

Weaver stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

“Look,” he said quietly.  “You were right.  What you said that night.  I was reckless.”

She turned her head back slowly, the artificial light gleaming on her hair.  There was anger and resentment in her eyes, and he couldn’t blame her.  But he had known Snow for several years, and he suspected she hated holding onto anger, however much he might deserve it.  He took a step forward.

“You were right when you said the job was everything to me,” he went on.  “You were right when you said I cared about nothing else, that getting the job done was all that mattered.  You were right when you said I had nothing to lose, that if I died no one would miss me.”

She lowered her eyes at that, her mouth flattening.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she said quietly.  “I was angry and heartbroken, and I’m sorry.”

“No, it was the truth,” he insisted.  “If I’d gotten my brains blown out there would have been no one to mourn me but a bunch of cops and the local bartender.  Not like David, right?  He has a wife and a son and people that love him.  He has a family.  He’s the best person I’ve ever known, and if I could have traded places with him and let him go home with you that night, I would have.”

She looked up at him again, her eyes softening a little.

“I get it now,” he said gently.  “I just found out I’m gonna be a father, and I get it.  I have to change.  I will change.”

Her eyes had widened, her mouth opened in confusion.

“You’re - you’re having a baby?” she said, clearly puzzled.  “But—”

“Lacey’s pregnant,” he explained.  “She came back, and we’re getting married.”

“Oh.”  Snow blinked rapidly.  “I - I didn’t realise you two were an item.”

“We’re not,” he said dryly.  “Or at least, we weren’t.  Not really.  This is all new to both of us.”

He sighed, running a hand over his face as the enormity of his change in circumstances hit him like a punch to the gut.  Snow seemed unsure of what to say, but as always, slipped easily into making polite conversation.

“Then I guess congratulations are in order,” she said.  “When is she due?”

“August.”

“Well, Neal will have grown out of his newborn things by then,” she said.  “Tell her she’s welcome to them.”

“That’s kind of you.”

“And if she has any questions about pregnancy and birth, she can call me anytime,” she added, and Weaver smiled faintly.

“I’ll tell her,” he said.  “I think she could use your experience.  I’m reading a lot of baby websites, but I feel like I haven’t a bloody clue what I’m doing.”

She almost smiled at that.

“I’d also suggest taking some time for each other,” she said.  “David and I always tried to have some alone-time whenever we could.  You won’t have a minute to yourself when the baby comes, believe me.  So you have to remember you’re a couple as well as prospective parents.”

“A couple,” he said flatly.  “Yeah.  Kind of a work in progress.”

“You’re getting married,” she pointed out.

“Not sure an unplanned pregnancy and a hasty wedding to a workaholic arsehole twice her age was exactly what Lacey intended to do with her life.”

Snow gave him a look at that, but it was more sympathetic than judgemental.

“Sometimes these things are meant to be,” was all she said.  “Are you going on honeymoon?”

Weaver sighed.

“No,” he said tiredly.  “She didn’t seem keen, and we haven’t had time to arrange anything, anyway.”

Snow nodded, pursing her lips.

“Well, you could always borrow our cabin,” she suggested.  “We keep it stocked, and someone goes in once a week to clean the place.  I know it’s not much, but—”

“No, it’s - it’s perfect,” he said.  “I’ll see if I can convince her to go.”

“Come by tomorrow and you can pick up the key.”

“Thank you.”  He hesitated.  “Look, I meant what I said.  If I could have changed places with David and let him enjoy being a father, I would have.”

“Well, like I said, maybe things are meant to be,” she said, with a sigh, glancing across at the motionless body of her husband.  “We’ll get through this, and we’ll be stronger for it.”

“I admire your optimism,” he said.  I wished I shared it.

He didn’t voice his doubts, but Snow seemed to sense them anyway, and smiled slightly.

“Where there’s life, there’s hope,” she said.  “I’ve always thought that hope is the most powerful thing in the world.  I believe he’ll be okay.  I believe he’ll come back to us.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” he said.  “And when he does, tell him he’s welcome to punch me in the face.”

“Oh, I will.”

They shared the briefest of smiles at that, and Weaver nodded to her, casting a final glance at Nolan before stepping out of the room and leaving the little family in peace.

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian one-shot - “Easy, Not So Easy” (Rated PG)

Kurt tries to enforce an important rink rule, but an irritating mom is just not having it. (1952 words)

Okay, so I know you're all still waiting for Kurt and Sebastian's first time. And I am writing it. I promise. Romantic sex scenes take me a while. I want to get it right. Many of these one-shots are a reflection of things that happen while I'm down at the rink every day, and this happened just yesterday. And seeing as Kurt is my kindred spirit, I had to write this xD Also, you guys wanted me to write some run-ins with bad parents, so here you go :)

Part 16 of Outside Edge

Read on AO3.

“EZ-Skaters on the other end of the ice, please.”

The boy holding the device in question – a blocky walker-looking thing made of PVC pipe and held together by copious amounts of silver duct tape – looks at Kurt blankly. “What?” he grunts, barely even opening his mouth.

Kurt sighs. Yup. That’s usually the response he gets when he tries to enforce this rule. What’s the point of posting signs up everywhere if you still have to tell people when they get on the ice?

“EZ-Skaters, like the one you have right there,” Kurt says, pointing to the walker with a rigid finger, “need to stay on the far end of the ice, on the opposite side of the orange cones. You can’t take it to the center of the ice. Rink policy.”

“Yeah, well, my mom rented this for me, so …” the boy mumbles as he takes off, probably assuming that Kurt won’t bother following him. Kurt sighs again because now he has to go hunt down the boy’s mother.

Kurt avoids dealing with parents when at all possible. Even the parents of the kids he coaches can sometimes be pains in the ass, especially when the behaviors of their “precious angels” come into question. But they usually see reason over time, especially since, in the case of competition hopefuls, reputation comes into play. Nobody on the competition circuit wants to deal with a prima donna.

The days when that sort of drama was considered interesting went out with the likes of Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding.

Customers, however, can be the worst. They notoriously try to get away with everything, as if the all of ten bucks they spend to get into the place for one afternoon gives them carte blanche to act like entitled jerks. And nine times out of ten, the kids that parents rent the EZ-Skaters for don’t actually need them. They’re just too scared to fall on their butts to buck it up and do the work it takes to learn how to skate.

But this rule about the EZ-Skaters isn’t petty. It’s necessary. It was created to protect the kids who use the EZ-Skaters after a hockey player tripped and fell on a little girl awhile back, obliterating the EZ-Skater and crushing her in the process. She was fine, thank goodness - nothing on her but a few scratches and bruises - but it almost meant a huge lawsuit for the rink.

Kurt just wants to practice today without breaking a limb.

Kurt looks around outside the ice. The rink is fairly empty except for the hockey players running drills on the far side, and him and Sebastian practicing for Kurt’s upcoming Grand Prix. On the sidelines, he spots a woman about the same age as his mother, watching from the penalty box as her little delinquent tools around with his EZ-Skater as if it were an Arctic dog sled. Kurt skates over, stops in her field of view, and clears his throat.

She makes it a point to stand from the bench she’s sitting on and look over his head.

“Excuse me,” Kurt says, “but is that boy with the EZ-Skater your son?”

“Yes,” she says with a proud smile.

“I’m sorry, but he can’t take that EZ-Skater out onto the ice. It has to be used over there” – He points dramatically to his right even though he knows she probably won’t look – “where the cones are.”

“But I rented it,” she says, eyes tracking her son intensely in her attempt to completely avoid looking at Kurt.

“I know that,” he says.

“So why can’t he use it?”

“I’m not saying he can’t use it,” Kurt says calmly, calling upon years of practice at keeping his temper in check in the face of argumentative bullies. “I’m saying he can’t take it out to the center of the ice. He has to use it over where the cones are. Rink policy.”

“I didn’t know that,” she says, crossing her arms defiantly over her chest.

“There’s a sign on the box office window up front where you paid for the rental.”

“Didn’t see it.”

“The gentleman at the rental window would have told you when you picked it up.”

“He didn’t.”

That answer steams Kurt because yes, he did. Kurt knows he did. The man behind the rental counter has been with the rink for over a decade. He knows how important this rule is to the skaters’ safety, and he’s as vigilant as anyone there. There’s no way he’d forget to mention it this one time.

“There’s a sign right there on the ice.” Kurt gestures to a white sign not five feet from the entrance to the rink, with big black letters that say EZ-Skaters are required to stay on this side of the cones.

The woman has the gall to not even look.

“I’m sorry, but do you work here?” she says, her lips twitching with a condescending smile.

It would be easy to tell the lady that, yes, he does indeed work there (and, to a degree, he does), but he looks young. He knows he looks young. And because he looks young, he could be the frickin’ general manager of the rink and that still wouldn’t make any difference. So Kurt gives her his fakest polite smile and says, “If you’d like to talk to someone else about that policy, you can speak to that lady over there. We call her Coach Beiste.” Kurt points in the direction of the actual general manager and head hockey coordinator, Shannon Beiste, pacing outside the wall, watching three aisles of hockey players run drills. “But whether you do or not, if your son doesn’t follow the rules, the EZ-Skater needs to be returned to the rental window.”

The woman scoffs at Kurt, rolling her eyes when he doesn’t just leave and remains rooted in her line of sight. “Alright,” she says in an I’m only doing this to humor you sort of way. She grabs her purse from the bench behind her and walks out of the penalty box. Kurt follows her with his eyes as she approaches Coach Beiste, making sure she actually goes and doesn’t walk past to the restrooms or the Snack Shack.

“Another parent giving you trouble, babe?” Sebastian asks, skating over from the far side of the ice to find out why his boyfriend hasn’t returned to practice after leaving to get a drink of water over five minutes ago.

“Of course.” Kurt leans in to Sebastian’s side and puts his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Or else it wouldn’t be a day ending in y.”

***

“Excuse me, Coach … uh … Beiste?”

“No, no, no, guys! Cut left! Left! Then push him out of the way!” Beiste screams, directing the kids on the ice with both hands. Her left hand, clutching her clipboard, swings out wide, grazing the head of the woman beside her.

“Excuse me,” she says a bit more loudly, hands shielding her scalp, though she’s determined that if she doesn’t get the burly woman’s attention this time, she’s going to give up and leave. The nerve of that kid trying to tell her, a paying customer, what her son can and cannot do. Whatever happened to the customer’s always right? Well, Yelp is sure as hell going to hear about it if this woman can’t give her a good reason why her son shouldn’t be allowed to skate on the entire ice like everybody else.

“Yes?” Beiste stops flailing when she registers a voice talking to her. “How can I help you?”

“It seems I’m having an issue with some kid telling me that my son can’t use his EZ-Skater.”

“What?” Beiste makes a face. “Of course, your kid can use his EZ-Skater. You paid for it, you use it. End of story.” Coach Beiste glances down the ice in search of the woman’s son. “Uh, where is he?”

“Over there,” the woman says, smugly pointing out her twelve-year-old boy hunched over a too-small-for-him walker and sliding with it across the ice.

“Oh, no,” Beiste says. “No, no, no. The EZ-Skaters need to stay on the other end of the ice, hun. Where the orange cones are. It’s a rink policy.”

“I see,” the woman huffs, put out at hearing that same excuse twice. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well” – Beiste chuckles – “there is a sign up front.”

“I---I didn’t see it,” she claims, not quite as firmly as she had with Kurt.

“There’s also a sign right there,” Beiste says with a nod of her chin.

“I … may have overlooked that one.”

“And the guy at the rental counter would have told you.”

“He didn’t,” she insists.

Beiste turns to face the woman beside her, fixing her with a significantly unamused look, and says, “Yes, he did, hun.”

Floored by Beiste’s sudden seriousness, the woman takes a step back. “Uh ...”

“It’s a liability issue,” Beiste continues as if her mood had never changed. “You see, if those EZ-Skaters get away from your kid and hit another skater, that could result in a serious accident. Someone could trip and fall, bones could even get broken. You see our figure skaters out there?” Beiste points to the center ice, where the woman’s kid speeds past a girl practicing a camel spin. “Some of them pay a helluva lot of money to train here. I can’t risk any of them getting hurt, no more than I can risk your kid getting hurt, neither.”

“Y--yes.” The woman swallows and nods. “Yes, I see. That makes sense.”

“I mean, you wouldn’t’ve rented the EZ-Skater if your kid didn’t need one, would you?”

“No. No, I wouldn’t have.”

“Good. Well, then. I’m glad you understand.” Beiste claps the woman heavy-handedly on the shoulder. “Now, I have to head over to the other rink. But if you need anymore assistance, we have staff all over. You’ll know them by their red jackets that say staff on the back.”

“Gr---great,” the woman stutters. “That’s …”

“We also have two junior coaches on the ice today who can help you out.” Beiste sticks two fingers in her mouth and whistles loud enough to make half the rink jump. “Hummel! Smythe! Give us a wave over here!”

Kurt and Sebastian wave their way, bright smiles on their faces as if they haven’t been paying attention to this exchange the whole time. Kurt’s smile in particular grows even brighter when the woman stares at him, her face drawn.

“Come on, team!” Beiste bellows, a hand cupped to the side of her mouth that she doesn’t really need to amplify her voice. “Let’s head on over to the other side!”

Kurt and Sebastian watch Beiste saunter away, leading her troupe of hockey players to the other rink like a mother duck herding her ducklings. Somewhere along the way, both the combative mother and her obnoxious son disappear, the EZ-Skater abandoned beside the orange cones.

Kurt shakes his head at the ridiculousness of it all and sighs - with relief this time.

“I love the way it feels to watch someone get called out when they really deserve it,” he says. “Don’t you?”

“I do,” Sebastian agrees, snaking an arm around Kurt’s waist now that there’s no one around to see.

Kurt turns to him slightly and cocks an eyebrow. “Better than making out?”

“Mmmm … close.” Sebastian looks up at the puck-riddled ceiling and thinks. “But maybe we should go to the locker room and check. You know, just to make sure.”

“Yes,” Kurt says, giggling as Sebastian puts his hands on his hips and pushes him toward the nearest exit. “Let’s.”

[kvothbloodless]

Okay, so I got a few people saying they liked the prologue yesterday, which made me weep tears of joy. It also inspired me to go through and edit some stuff, so here’s chapter 1. As before, this is very WIP, so please ignore the grammar.

Prologue

                                                     CHAPTER 1

‘You think I would forget her? If I lived a million million years, I would not forget one line of her face, one hair on her head. When the sun has burnt itself to dark, and all that remains of her is dust, still I will speak her name. And if I am still here when all returns to the void, not even then will I have forgiven you for what you’ve done. May I never see your face again.’

        Behold, the city of Cadic, capital of The Republic and home to several hundreds of thousands of people. See the rivers of commerce flow down the streets, the carriages of nobility forcing their way through the crowds. See the great temples of the gods, the shining priests preaching their lords’ commandments. And see, many streets and several wrong turns away, the old woman, with spindly gray hair, wearing only rags for clothing; listen to her as she shouts, “He’s coming! Change is coming! Repent of your wicked ways! The end is here!”

                        She does not know it, but she is nearly correct.

                                                    *          *          *

           Ignoring the crazy woman’s ramblings, Alyh hurried down the street. She was halfway across the city from the cart she had grabbed the necklace from, and outside the section of the city the guards travelled, but she wasn’t in the clear yet. The gangs that flourished in the absence of guards were just as likely to take the jewelry from her, and infinitely more likely to break her ribs in the bargain. She felt strange stealing from a cart in broad day light, in the middle of the street, but really, who carries jewelry without hiring a guard.

           Ducking into an alley, she climbed onto the roof of an abandoned storehouse, and settled against a crumbling wall to assess the day’s acquisition. She pulled the necklace out from beneath her coat, which she had won in a game of very high stakes Hive, and began to examine it. Moments later, her head began to spin.

           This is gold. Real gold. This could feed me for… forever. I could buy a room in an inn. An actual room. Hell, I could buy another shirt! Lost in fantasy, she numbly turned the small disk over, noticing an engraving on the front.

           Still in a daze, her fingers traced the strange lettering, which suddenly began to glow. Immediately, she cupped it in her hand, hiding the glow from anyone on the street. Magic it may be, but gold was gold, and she wasn’t throwing away a future of feather beds out of fear.

           She shifted her hands slightly, to see if it was still glowing, when the metal suddenly grew hot in her hand. Gasping, she debated dropping the literal fortune until she couldn’t bear the pain, letting the now white hot disc fall. Holding back tears, she looked at her hand, which had a circle burned into the flesh; in the center of her palm, the runes glared an angry red. Desperate, she looked around for something to grab the necklace with, but before she could give up, the disc began to crackle with white light, sparks jumping onto the wood. She retreated to the edge of the roof, watching cautiously to see if it would stop. When it began to produce the sound of shrieking metal, and small jets of flame burst from its surface, she decided to cut her losses. As images of roast duck and feather beds ran though her mind, Alyh reluctantly climbed back into the alley, and jogged back onto the street, where she walked quickly away from the necklace. Several minutes later, as she entered a tavern in a nicer, or at least cleaner, section of the city, she thought she heard distant screams.

                                            *          *          *

         The archaeologist searched the shelves desperately, looking for one of the medallions he had found in the ruins of Therkep. His cart had arrived at the Temple of Imez an hour ago; he had decided to let the priests take any pertinent religious items he discovered, as archaeology was a dangerous business, and he needed all the blessings he could get. After he had been greeted by the temple’s head priest, and relieved himself in the latrine, he had gone back to unload the items, when he discovered one of them was missing. As he once again scoured the shelves, the floor, and even the ceiling, he became aware of a soft glow emanating from the shelves. Curious, he walked over to investigate, when he began to smell smoke. Connecting the light to the smoke, he whipped off his cloak to smother the flames, just as a bright white spark hit the floor. Cautiously, he approached the shelf, which was wreathed in a painful white light. He heard a shrieking sound, saw a flash of searing light, then nothing.

                                            *          *          *

           Alyh sat down at the bar, weighed the coins in her bag against the pain her hand, and ordered a drink. The bartender poured her a cup of aqua vitali, half of which she swallowed in a single gulp, burning her throat on the way down. Several minutes later, she noticed that most everyone was hurrying outside. Assuming it was something mundane like a new edict from the First Chair or a public hanging, she stayed in her seat, sipping at her cup. Then she heard the screaming.

           What now. A dragon? A rebellion? Has Shruop descended from the heavens to pass judgement on humanity? Finishing the rest of her drink, she left the tavern, and was shocked by the sight of smoke rising from the Temple of Imez. Curious as to the cause, and half hopeful that she could steal something to make up for that accursed necklace, Alyh threaded her way down the street, heading towards the temple. As she approached, she saw a line of guards pushing people away, and several priests gathering a body. At least she assumed it was a body, though it was hard to tell when the arms were several meters from the legs. Nearby, a large group of priests were scribbling something on parchment and chanting quietly, while the flames of one building slowly died down. Looking around, she saw pieces of wood scattered across the courtyard, most of them still smoldering, and farther back, towards the far side of the temple, a few pieces of jewelry, tableware, and even what looked like a silver flask, although its value was probably diminished by the molten state of its lower half. Still, it would pay for a few weeks’ worth of food.

           As she searched for a suitable method of slipping past the guards, she stumbled, and realized her head was spinning slightly. Damn it all. Shouldn’t have finished that drink so fast. Cursing her lack of foresight, she started to circling around the temple, hoping to slip into the courtyard from the backside. But the temple was crowded around the entire perimeter, with a bucket chain having formed to put out what remained of the fire. With a flash of insight, she joined the bucket chain, passing bucket after bucket, while slowly moving herself past the guards’ perimeter. From there, it was easy to slip away from the crowd and edge her way towards the other side of the building, checking every few moments to see if she’d been noticed. Fortunately, most of the attention was on the few buildings still burning, and she arrived at the corner undetected. Looking around, she realized that all of the jewelry, and that flask, were past the corner, in view of the crowd. Sighing, she looked around for cover, and spotted what used to be a wall, although now it was toppled over. By crawling on her stomach, she was able to reach a few pieces of what appeared to be copper and agate jewelry, which she carefully checked for runes before slipping them into her coat. Ignoring the tug of that silver flask, she slipped back into the crowd of the bucket chain, which has mostly devolved into gawkers at this point, and headed back towards her street. As she was leaving the edge of the crowds, though, she saw a young boy, no older than 10, pointing at her. Without hesitating, she took off running, the fear in her chest burning the effect of the alcohol out of her mind. She ran for a few minutes, taking random turns, then stopped to catch her breath. She listened for sounds of pursuit, and when none were forthcoming, started walking back towards the rooftop where she slept, cut through an alley, and was promptly hit over the head.

[faierius]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Final Fantasy XV Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum Characters: Prompto Argentum, Noctis Lucis Caelum, Ignis Scientia, Gladiolus Amicitia Additional Tags: Feelings, Light Angst, Fluff, Cute, Angst with a Happy Ending Series: Part 2 of Sunshine and Moonlight Summary:

Picks up right where Let Me Get This Shot ended, Prompto isn't sure how he is supposed to feel about Noctis. When you're already a mess inside, what's one more problem?

Prompto Argentum stared down at the display of his camera, a crooked smile on his lips and a spoon hanging between them. His half-eaten oatmeal held a great risk of tipping over in his lap as he fidgeted in his seat. He flipped back and forth between two images, thoroughly absorbed in them.

“Thought I said not to let anyone see that,” Noctis grumbled.

With a scream higher pitched than he'd ever admit, Prompto toppled out of his chair and hit the ground hard. His camera flew from his hand and tumbled across the uneven stone.

Sighing through his nose, Noctis rounded the chair and went to retrieve the device. Prompto pursed his lips, picking himself up and dusting off his backside.

“I wasn't gonna,” he mumbled, taking his camera back from Noctis. He turned it over in his hands, checking for damage.

“Well if you keep staring with that goofy smile, they're gonna get curious.” Crossing his arms, Noctis watched him meticulously examine his camera. Shaking his head, he bent down and picked up the remnants of Prompto's breakfast.

“For someone who claimed to be starving, you barely touched your food,” Ignis observed, casting a pointed glance at the fruit-filled oatmeal splattered on the ground.

A sheepish grin brightened Prompto's features. “I got distracted looking through the pictures from this morning.”

“Unfortunately we haven't any leftovers,” Ignis sighed, accepting the dishes from Noctis.

“That's okay. It's my fault for not eating. Uhm, I'll clean this up.” With a tight smile, he went to find something to clean up his spill.

One eyebrow crept up behind his glasses as Ignis turned toward Noctis. “Did something occur while you were out this morning?”

Noctis' shoulders twitched in a lazy shrug. “Dunno,” he replied, taking his phone from his pocket and walking away.

With a small shake of his head, Ignis took the dishes back to his portable camp kitchen. “I hope your camera survived that tumble, Prompto.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, it's okay. A little scuffed up, but it's been through worse,” he chuckled without raising his head.

“Usually you're way more eager to show off new pictures,” Gladio commented from where he was busy disassembling the tent.

“Yeah, but you always complain when I try to show you when you're taking stuff down in the morning,” Prompto answered, putting the mess with the rest of the garbage to dispose of later.

“I don't complain,” scoffed Gladio.

“Just yesterday you told him, and I quote, 'to put that damn camera away and help',” Noctis said without looking up from his phone.

“It's true, you did,” confirmed Prompto, dipping his head in a sagely nod.

“It was rather gruff,” added Ignis.

“Oh, so you're taking their side?”

“Let's just pack up and go, shall we? We have a meeting with Dave at the Hunter HQ this afternoon, and it's still quite a drive.”

Stowing his camera, Prompto joined Ignis to help clean up breakfast and pack away their gear. Quietly whistling to himself, he removed the lamp from its collapsible post and set it aside. He was about to fold up the small work table when Ignis placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Prompto, may I speak with you a moment?”

His purple-blue eyes involuntarily darted to where Noctis and Gladio worked on the opposite side of the camp. “Sure, Ig'. What's up?”

Crossing his arms and leaning his weight on one leg, Ignis blinked at Prompto. “Your behavior has been peculiar since you and Noct came back to camp. May I ask what's bothering you?”

The corner of Prompto's mouth twitched upward as he itched his wrist. “Nothing's wrong. Promise.”

“That bravado may fool them, but it doesn't fool me. If you're willing to talk, I'm willing to listen.” With a soft smile, Ignis reached out to squeeze Prompto's arm before returning to his task.

Prompto stared after Ignis for a moment before continuing his own work. Keeping his eyes on his task, he was unaware of Noctis watching him from across the campsite.

“Hey, pay attention wouldja?” Gladio grumbled, trying to slide the disassembled tent back into its protective canvas bag. Noctis was supposed to be holding the bag, but his attention was elsewhere.

The frown that had settled on Gladio's face this morning made itself more comfortable. “Hey, Noct! You sure you're awake?”

“Huh? Yeah.” Reluctantly, the man turned his eyes back to the canvas bag.

“The hell were you staring at?” Gladio glanced over his shoulder to where the other two packed the kitchen gear away. “Prompto?”

Noctis didn't answer as he cinched the drawstring on the bag.

“You guys have an argument or something?”

Standing, Noctis swung the bag over his shoulder. “Don't think so.”

Gladio sighed through his nose. “Uh-huh. Then how come you're extra sulky?”

His lips set in a thin line, Noctis walked past Gladio, punching him in the shoulder on the way by.

“I'm gonna take this to the Regalia,” Prompto announced, hefting a crate.

“Why don't you wait till we've got everything down? Then we can make one trip and get going,” Gladio suggested, picking up one of the chairs.

“Some of us can't carry 800 pounds of camping equipment in one go,” teased Prompto. “I'll be right back!” Grinning over his shoulder at the others, he headed down the ramp leading away from the haven. Glancing up at the sky, he noted it was already mid-morning. They dawdled longer than usual today, but Prompto didn't mind. It was nice not to be in a hurry for a change.

Adjusting his grip on the crate, Prompto inhaled deeply. It was a beautiful day. The wind had picked up a little since he and Noctis were out taking pictures earlier, but the sun was hot. It would be a scorcher this afternoon.

Halfway back to the car, Prompto's phone buzzed in his pocket. Who was messaging him? Curious, he hurried the rest of the way to the Regalia.

Setting the crate on the pavement behind the car, he slipped his phone from his pocket. Two new messages from Noct. Quirking a brow, he tapped the screen. The first message was one word; Sorry. Probably referring to his camera. Prompto snorted, his eyes moving to the second message.

You okay?

Why was everyone asking him that? He was perfectly fine! He had a fun morning taking pictures with Noct. Sure, things got a little weird, but he came away with some great shots. He wasn't allowed to show them off, but he was actually okay with keeping them to himself. There wasn't much the four of them didn't share, which wasn't unusual given how much time they spent together. It was nice having something just between him and Noct.

Prompto's phone buzzed in his hand.

You coming back? Big guy is driving me nuts.

Laughing to himself, Prompto put his phone away and stowed the crate in the trunk. Leaning into a run, he sprinted back up to the haven.

“You get lost?” Gladio asked with a smirk as he handed two of the folded camp chairs to Prompto.

“If I didn't get lost in Insomnia, I doubt it's gonna happen from here to the car. Which you can see.” Prompto jerked his thumb over his shoulder to where the car was parked on the side of the road.

Noctis snorted.

“Alright, gentlemen. We're burning daylight. I'd rather not participate in whatever task Dave has for us after dark. Shall we go?” Arms full, Ignis didn't wait for confirmation before heading down the ramp.

“After you,” muttered Noctis, following him.

Gladio took one last look around to make sure they weren't forgetting anything before indicating for Prompto to precede him. Bringing up the rear, Gladio kept his eyes open for wildlife as they carted the gear to the Regalia.

“I shoulda gone for a run this morning. My muscles are gonna melt sitting in the car all day,” Gladio grumbled, helping Ignis load the trunk.

“Somehow I think you'll manage,” Ignis replied, patting the large man's bicep.

“I'll remember you said that when we get to HQ and my everything has fallen asleep.”

“Don't expect me to carry you,” chuckled Ignis, closing the trunk.

“Well, it won't be Noct or Prompto.”

“Dude, I can't even roll you over when you're snoring!” laughed Prompto, making himself comfortable in the passenger seat.

“It's all you, Specs,” replied Noctis, sliding into the backseat.

Ignis puffed a breath through his nose as he started the car. Gladio clapped him on the shoulder as he settled in next to Noctis. “I suppose we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it,” he sighed, pulling out onto the highway.

Prompto flashed a grin at their driver and slouched low in his seat. Hooking his arm over the door, he leaned his head back and stared out at the passing landscape. The rush of the wind, soft music from the radio, and gentle flutter of pages from whatever book Gladio was reading was oddly relaxing. Prompto's eyelids began to droop even though he had only been awake a handful of hours.

Closing his eyes, Prompto decided a nap wouldn't be the worst way to pass the time. Getting some extra rest before a hunt was never a bad idea.

[vetschoolvacation]

9 USA Things I Miss... That I Guarantee You Take For Granted

I have a big exam tomorrow and a bigger one on Thursday and another big one the following Monday and then another one the following Monday, so naturally I needed to do something to procrastinate.  This is a list that has been growing for a while.  I give you, in no particular order:

THINGS FROM THE USA THAT I MISS DEARLY [that I am 100% sure you take for granted]

1.  Having an electrical outlet in the bathroom.  No, I don’t know why there ISN’T one, all I know is that outlets inside bathrooms are simply not a thing there.  And its not just my bathroom or my house, its pretty much ALL bathrooms in homes on this island unless they are very new and built and managed by Americans.  Apparently wanting to look in the bathroom mirror while blow drying or fixing your hair is an entirely American thing.  So yes, I literally have to run any hair appliances to the nearest plug in my bedroom, which would literally require an extension cord to reach my bathroom, so I just awkwardly pull up a chair in front of my one dresser that has a mirror and a plug near it and try not to light anything on fire by sitting a straightener or curler on any of the 4 wooden and/or cloth surfaces nearby.  Yes, this is why I have straightened my hair a grand total of 3 times since I have been down here.

2.  Cart corral in the grocery store parking lot.  I am pretty sure if you’ve asked me what I miss about America any time within the last ~2 years you have heard me say this already.  There are simply NO cart corral down here, you must return your cart to the sidewalk in front of the store where they live.  I miss the days of only having to push the cart to a cart corral like 3 spaces over.  There is something about not just being able to load the car and quickly get in and go that makes any shopping trip 100x more tedious.  And yes, this does mean that I will struggle with carrying way too many bags to my car rather than having to push a cart to my car unless absolutely necessary.  This also means that I am now judging all Americans who have ever just left a cart loose in a parking lot because THERE WAS A CORRAL RIGHT THERE.  Harumph.

3.  Being able to buy everything in your cart at the grocery store.  Now, in America, if its on the shelf, you just assume this means an item at the store is available for purchase.  In St. Kitts, this is not the case.  I am pretty much used to this but it is still annoying - whenever they get a new item, rather than waiting to price it and THEN put it on the shelves, they just stock it and then when you get to the checkout line the cashier will scan it, see that no price comes up, and just sit it aside.  I’d say 75% of the time she doesn’t even give you a hint about what’s happening by saying “no price” .... they just automatically sit it aside.  Nope, they won’t try to check the price, ask a manager, nothing, its just simply - if it doesn’t scan you can’t buy it.  So yeah, by now I know if I see a new product that I have never seen in the store before, don’t get excited and don’t try to buy it until its been there about a month or so (and God knows how many other people have unsuccessfully attempted to buy it, thus resulting in it sitting by the cashier and then being restocked God knows how many times before they finally deemed fit to enter it into their system).

4.  Being able to expect that certain things will be at the store.   Just because the store carried something yesterday or last week or last month does not mean that they will have it now... or that they ever will again.  And I’m not just talking about seasonal items.  One time they had CozyShack tapioca pudding, I ate it for dinner for like 3 days straight because I was so excited.  That was about 8 months ago and they have never had it since.  You also need to know what days the stores get their fresh foods delivered because if you go on that day or a day or two after you will (maybe) be able to actually purchase everything you’re looking for but go the day BEFORE they stock and you’re pretty much eating rice and beans.  Along with this goes being able to expect that anything will be the same price that it was before.... I recently was entertained by the fact that a half cantaloupe packaged  in cellophane was about $4, while a whole cantaloupe was $9.50.  Needless to say I bought two halves.  The next time I was at the store, luckily I looked at all the prices again because they apparently realized their mistake and the whole cantaloupe was only $7.  And price changes are not done seasonally, but rather on a whim it seems.

5. Water pressure... or water in general.  Although its not going on currently, there was about a year of the time I’ve been here while there was a water rationing program going on, meaning that the water for the house was turned off from around 8 pm to around 5 am daily.  Trust me, you become acutely aware of just how much water we use on a day to day basis when you’re washing a sink full of dishes or trying to wash your hair from water in a jug.  Now that our water rationing has ended, its really exciting to be able to take a shower or wash dishes WHENEVER I WANT but its not perfect... water pressure has been horrible lately - every time I’ve taking a morning shower this semester there has been barely enough pressure for me to even pull the little tab in the shower to make it go from the spigot to the shower head, pretty much meaning that I literally am washing my hair and self under a trickle of water.  At first I just assumed that either my roommate or someone else in our building was also showering or washing clothes at the same time but after doing some investigating.... nope... that’s just water pressure in my shower these days.  I never thought I would be excited to get back to the “horrible” water pressure you get with well water at my parents house but it turns out even that much pressure is a luxury.

6. Drive thrus and “fast” food.  Now drive thrus I really do miss.  Want a cup of coffee or a bottle of water or a bowl of oatmeal and you can get it in like 5 minutes and be on your way.  Drive thrus simply don’t exist down here.  I apparently used to take for granted how fast they are too, because the last time I was home when I got coffee from Dunkin and the woman was already handing it to me and asking for my money by the time I drove to the window I felt SO FLUSTERED and rushed and startled that she was already handing me something.  And I don’t miss “fast food” in the traditional sense but along with the drive thru sentiment there are simply NO options for food down here that are literally FAST.  It takes LONGER to get food out somewhere here than it is to cook pretty much anything yourself.  Sometimes when I am studying like crazy and strapped for time I just want to be able to run in to some place like Panera or Wawa or even a grocery store where they have ready made sandwiches and salads and grab something and know I will be back to studying in 15 minutes but here, even if you go to one of the VERY FEW “fast food” places you can assume your wait will be at least 30-45 minutes and your order will most likely be wrong.

7. 24 hour anything.  This kinda goes with above - if I’m studying in the middle of the night and I want to grab an energy drink or a snack or some gum or a water bottle... you can’t, you simply can’t because there simply is NOTHING that is open 24 hours here.  You must plan all late night study snacks and beverages FAR in advance.  Now I grew up where its at least a 20 minute drive to anything 24 hours but... if you needed or wanted something THAT BAD you could still get it, right?  Here, it simply does not exist.

8. Dryers!  Apparently having a clothes dryer is a very American thing, just like plugs in the bathroom, only the very new and very American housing options have them... and even some of those don’t.  I hate it.  I mean, have you ever line dried a plush bath towel?  It gets crunchy, not fluffy!  Last time I came home I even had to pack all my clothes dirty because I was worried if I washed everything it wouldn’t have enough time to dry and then would get musty in my luggage.  Yes, my living room and spare bedroom may smell lovely after I do laundry (because I have to hang it on every chair and spare surface in those two rooms to dry it, lest I hang it outside and forget it for a moment too long and therefore it gets sunbleached and/or downpoured on and has to stay out there for even LONGER) but gosh dang it I cannot wait to be able to wash and WEAR something on the same day!

9. AC throughout the whole house.  This one is not such a big deal to me but on those REALLY hot days where its so hot in the rest of the house that I barely peek out of my bedroom, I definitely miss having full house AC.  Now, I’m not even talking central AC, I just mean the ability to cool the entire house.  Its simply not possible here.  There are only AC units in the bedrooms and they work pretty well but if I tried to cool the whole house with them it would probably leave the bedrooms feeling like a walk-in freezer and the rest of the house luke-warm at best with an electric bill in the thousands.

I MISS YOU AMERICAN and I can’t wait to see you again.

[stay-neurotic]

found one of those old survey things in my journal i used to kill time with, redoing it with my new answers <3

When's the last time you ran? - ran back to the car with juan after renfest, cause we were fucking freezing and ready to go home lmao. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? - my work pants have holes from my bigass thighs rubbin against each other, but that’s about it. What are you dreading right now? - hmm. surprisingly nothing? i dunno. i guess confrontation. over the past few days i’ve come *this* close to running into certain people i don’t wanna talk to. Do you celebrate 420? - lmao hell yeah my dude Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? - usually manage to get between 6 to 7 and a half. i don’t even get a full night’s sleep on the days i sleep in cause my body clock’s been fucked up and also my cat is noisy. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would ya'll do? - i’ve become a pretty flexible person, if someone wants to come and chill w/ me they’re more than welcome to. so long as i don’t have to entertain them i don’t mind the company. Who last grabbed your ass? - @thefacelessghoul​. too easy. next question Have you ever been on your school's track team? - fuck no Do you own a pair of Converse? - still have the black knee-high converse i mentioned the first time i answered this question. i keep em’ for cosplay purposes Did you copy and paste this survey? - yes? Do you eat raw cookie dough? - doesn’t everyone Have you ever kicked a vending machine? - vending machines have thankfully never done me wrong in the past Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? - doesn’t everyone Do you watch Trading Spaces? - nope, don’t watch a lot of TV in general. is this show even on the air anymore? How do you eat oreos? - whole, dunked in milk, the way god intended Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? - oooooohhhhhhhhhhh yes. my high school days were spent staring at a computer screen, this happened often Are you cocky? - af Could you live without a computer? - lol holy fuck no Do you wear your shoes in the house? - no? people do this? Who or what sleeps with you? - a juan, a max, and a million pillows At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real? - don’t remember what age I was but it was on Christmas morning lol. i had suspected for a while but my suspicions were confirmed when santa’s gift to me still had the tag from target How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? - i have one cell, juan has two. his second cell came from the lost-and-found of winn dixie, it’s out of service but can connect to wifi so it’s basically a social media/music device What do you do when you're sad? - hmm. umm. sleep a lot. starve myself. lose the ability to say ‘no.’ Who would you call first if you won the lottery? - my significant other followed shortly by my aunt Last time you saw your best friend? - well i haven’t seen her, really, we’re tumblr buddies. but the last time i talked to her was yesterday Are you in high school? - graduated in 2012 What jewelry are you wearing? - promise ring <3 nothing else because i’m in my fucking pajamas Is anyone on your bad side now? - my roommates for being the opposite of understanding/supportive with our (mine & juan’s) living situation and fixating on the money aspect. they’re still my friends but, just, could have used a little more empathy from them. also, the friend group who proved how ugly they all were when the drama started happening. (someone ask me about this if ur curious, i’d love to rant) What's the first thing you do when you get online? - check tumblr. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? - again with the tv thing.  How do most people spell your name? - usually just rachel. sometimes they try really hard but end up with racheal. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? - i wear juan’s things to sleep a lot lol. he’s also given me a few of his shirts/jackets. Where do you work? - tgi motherfucking fridays. come get ur endless apps bitch, we literally will be fired on the spot for complaining about ur nontipping ass What are you doing tomorrow? - helping juan move his stuff from storage back into the apartment <3 Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? - nobody is becoming the next michael jackson Favorite name for a girl? - i love all names that start with vowels for girls Favorite name for a boy? - papa emeritus iii Will you keep your last name when you get married? - potentially. we talked about juan taking my last name. but i’m not really that attached to it at the end of the day. When was the last time you left your house? - yesterday morning, to go to work Do you return your cart? - fucking always. literally if u dont ur an asshole Do you have a dishwasher? - yup. there wasn’t one in our first apartment, and after washing dishes by hand for a year we agreed that anywhere we move had to have one or it was off the table lmao What noise do you hear? - the fan of my computer, my cat licking his paws, roommate’s music muffled on the other side of the wall. Would you survive in prison? - the only thing i’d fear is maybe pissing off the wrong person by accident. but i feel like i’d be protected by all the allies i’ve made in my cell block Who is the youngest in your family? - technically me. i have a younger sister but she was adopted as a baby and now i know nothing about her. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likey overpack? - fucking juan Do you know anyone with the same name as you? - uhh. yesterday one of my customers was overjoyed because i was the first rachael she’d met in her life who spelled my name the same way she did. does that count What's the last thing you purchased? - a sweet-ass leather & chain harness from the medieval faire. and also a lace choker. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? - @cvnt-ish​ if she bought me a ticket to see her in portland then i could answer yes to this question <3 What brand are your pants right now? - not wearin’ any! Ever been to Georgia (the state)? - visited thomasville one day during a vacation with eden’s fam. it was super quaint! What irritates you most on the internet? - hmm. nazies. niceguys. trump supporters. no, you know what, just...people with shitty opinions/beliefs who are provided a forum where other people will validate their shitty views. the internet can be an echo chamber a lot of times and it’s terrifying What brand is your digital camera? - this survey was composed back when digital cameras were still a thing Do you watch movies with your parents? - can’t say I do much of anything with my parents. :/ What song best describes your life right now? - Do You Feel It? - Chaos Chaos Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? - nope. though i would like to make a trip some day soon to bath & body works and get some nice-smelling lotion. Are you taking college classes right now? - none at the moment. if my financial situation resolves itself before march then i will start with my architecture degree this fall, though. Do you like sushi? - do you breathe air? Do you get your hair cut every month? - i cut my own hair, mostly. right now though i’m just letting it grow. Do you go online everyday? - yall dont need me to answer this. you know. Will you pass this survey on? - yeah sure. whoever wants to reblog this and do it i guess. lmao. Boyfriend/Girlfriend Survey What is their name? - juan c: What pet name do you like to call them? - baby. babe. my sun & stars. How long have you been together? - just over three years. How did you meet? - through a mutual friend. she introduced me to the group and it was the beginning of the end, lol. What do you like the most about them? - how creative he is, how driven he can be when he finds a cause worthy of his effort, how introspective and intelligent and talented he is. how forgetful he can be and how dorky he always is. <3 What do you like the least about them? - his tendency to let his emotions get out of hand - though that’s something he’s making really great strides on recently. What is the best thing they have ever done for you? - kiss me, those three years ago on that chilly morning before work. starting us out on this journey together. Have they met your parents yet? - both my parents are out of the picture, but he’s met my aunt and uncle and grandma, which is what counts. and they love him to pieces of course. What would you kids look like if you had kids? - oh! i actually did one of those picture merger things one time to find this out...i lost the screenshot unfortunately though. they would be white/puerto rican mixed with really big noses and beautiful eyes. What is the worst argument you have had? - ooh. this one’s bad. we had two, during the breakup, that were extreme in a way none of our other arguments had ever been. during the first, he lashed out at me because i told him “you have a week to get out.” by the end of it we were screaming in each others’ faces and name-calling. it was ugly. the second one was when he told me he was gonna date the other girl. i was so livid i was seeing red and twice i tried to go up and hit him but he backed away from me and then got in his truck and drove off. i’m still ashamed of that. Do you still kiss a lot? - god. i lose track of how much we kiss every day... Who asked who out? - we went from being best friends to flirting pretty hardcore for a couple days, until he closed the gap suddenly and kissed me. so i guess you could say it was him. lol. Do you think you will get married? - the future is an uncertain thing, so i try not to look too far ahead anymore. still, i would like to, one day... Can you see yourself growing old with them? - again...taking it day by day. What is the one thing you would like to change about them? - absolutely fucking nothing. ...no, you know what, i’d like him to be able to remember that hot beverages go in mugs, not glasses <3 What do you think they would like to change about you? - hmm. my insecurities. they pop up fairly often now after all that’s happened. it takes a lot to reassure me. What is the first gift they ever bought you? - roses, i think. he made a lot of art for me as gifts rather than buying things. Do you have a favorite song together? - ohh, plenty. the first one that pops into mind is definitely Evidence - Marilyn Manson Which famous person do you think they look like the most? - OH OH I KNOW THIS ONE Would you say the two of you are a good match? - only in every conceivable way.

[ancientbrit]

Natter #3   6/24/2020

So, on Saturday morning, I took part of my breakfast (yogurt) from our backup  fridge in the garage, but when I put the first spoonful in my mouth I noticed that it was warm. Strange that. So I checked the backup fridge and found that everything in it was warm. The freezer contents - weren't.This was a disaster as I had been to QFC a couple of days previously buying frozen and fresh foods including four half-gallons of milk. Jean had been out the day after for the first time in 12 weeks and part of her haul was more milk and ice cream. I imagine that the excitement of being out again at last and back to her old stamping grounds overcame memory. So here we were rushing around trying to save what we could by rearranging everything in the kitchen fridge and then trying to close the door.The old fridge was possibly down on refrigerant and I was a bit annoyed for a brief moment until I remembered when we bought it.  It was when we lived at the 'old house' way back in 1970 and it was already a year old when we got it! My word - 50 years old. I should have remembered as it's color is 'Harvest Gold' which hasn't been seen on store shelves in donkeys ages. I tend not to date things by color though, as modern colors mean little to me - 'Taupe' for instance means less than nothing. My lexicon runs in terms of the spectrum. But forgetting it's date made me think back to those 'Old House days' and what we were about then - those days and other old days that preceded that time.  My memory of 'then' is perfectly clear  - it seems just like it was yesterday even though I know how long ago it actually was. So many friends and relatives who are no longer around to share those times with, One of the things that have remained constant is our phone number. Of course, then we had an exchange name -  Adams 2, which has now been transmuted to numbers - 232, and I think doing this has lost the feeling of romance that it seemed to have for me. When I was a kid many of our dairy and grocery items were delivered to the door by horse-drawn carts - very few people or businesses had a sufficiently high priority during the war to have a petrol ration. Mum had joined the "Co-op" for convenience and of course, there was the benefit of a bonus payout at year's end. I loved these horses and would meet them outside and feed them apples, carrots and whatever else I had to hand. Still firmly in my mind is the Co-op number I had to recite to the driver when we had milk or groceries delivered - 157376.  Being horses, they would leave proof of their passage along the road and my Dad would pay me a shilling per bucket full of 'Golden Apples' as my Dad referred to this natural function  It seemed like it was too demeaning a job for a full-grown adult  and using his term was sort of distancing himself from the unpleasantness. It used to embarrass me a bit too, but you couldn't argue with the reward. it was all grist to the mill, and it did do the roses a power of good. In 1956, I had been out of the RAF for a year and had also just recently returned home from a  very long sojourn in hospital, and my Dad was persuaded, against his will, to have a phone installed. Phones were not then usual to find in most houses and my Dad's reluctance was based on the very real belief that his company could too easily find him at inconvenient times. I told him that it was an absolute necessity in that day and age and so at last it was installed. Our phone number was Fairlands 4725 and as I said, I remember the old exchanges with affection. Others in our neighborhood were Derwent and Vigilant and my favorite Aunt had the best I always felt - Silverthorn - lovely. The Fairlands exchange was essential to me as when I was discharged from the hospital I had left behind a lovely German nurse with whom I had developed special feelings. When I had become sufficiently fit to allow me to leave the hospital and walk around the grounds, I used to collect any outgoing mail from other patients who were still confined to bed and take it some distance up the road, through the snow to a mailbox. Just to make sure I would be okay, Irmgard, for such was her name, would accompany me and we would find a need to indulge in long hugs and exchange lip locks - just to keep the cold at bay you understand? Shared bodily warmth is a great way to defeat the weather! Later, returning to the hospital, which had been a big old private house standing in its own grounds, we would split up at the circular drive with a last goodnight kiss. Irmgard would go round to the kitchen door and I would go the other way to the front door. Knowing that our companion runs were our secret, I was surprised to find the youngish Matron just inside the door. With a twinkle in her eye, she asked if it was cold out and I acknowledged that it was. She told me that I should be careful that I didn't get chapped lips, but then added that lipstick was a sovereign remedy - and departed with a grin. So much for secrecy! Irmgard's phone exchange name at the hospital was Coombe Wood - not exactly what might be termed 'romantic' but association made it so. Our association was quite intense and a forthcoming proposal, whilst welcomed, was at that time impossible for Irmgard to accept. Her sister was soon to marry, another Englishman and they would be returning to England to live after their honeymoon. She would not leave her parents alone just like that. She had been sent to England for a couple of years to improve her English and was soon to return home to Bad Canstatt, just outside Stuttgart. As I was about to return to my studies we were parted and unlikely to meet again any time soon. So our contacts were limited to letters and very rare and expensive phone calls and so the Canstatt exchange also lives brightly in my memory. Unfortunately, long-distance relations tend to strain circumstances and over time our contacts became less and less,     Sometime later I reached a point where I was able to take a trip to the Continent. I wrote to Irmgard to tell her that at last I was able to come over to see her, not being really sure of my reception as I hadn't written for ages. Within days I had a reply and although she was totally delighted that I was coming she told me that she had become engaged. I couldn't really blame her as I had been very lax, but she wanted me to come and meet her family when I arrived. She was really very good and took me all over the city and ended at her parents' home in the evening to a party for her sister and new husband, just returned from their honeymoon on Lake Constance. It was a really nice evening and I got on very well with her parents, but of course, I didn't like her fiance at all! After all this, although I had been given her brother-in-law's name and address back home I was never able to contact him. I would love to have kept up to know how her life proceeded. I still have her framed portrait photograph she sent me when she had first returned home, inscribed "Zur stehten Erinnerung" Deine Irmgard. I have been occupying some of my evenings on the computer lately sorting and printing out the Natters that Jo & Tom, Carin and Janet have been good enough to get to me. As they all seem to have been listed well out of order I am busy trying to see what I have and what might yet still be missing. The job has been compounded by the difficulty I have experienced in opening the Flash Drive. Sometimes it allows me to zip along, opening files, but then will stop and nothing will work. Next day I try again and I am off to the races again. But I am getting there slowly and tonight (Monday) I completed taking off hard copies. Now I can sort through, putting them in chronological order and see what I shall see. Much more later, but there seems to be nothing before 2012 so I guess that was when I started. As I mentioned last Natter I have been attacking Lily of the Valley and I am almost finished - at least with what was visible. Along the way, I have also removed Sword ferns, Cedar seedlings five feet high and Jasmine. The Jasmine was an insignificant rooted cutting, from where, I have no recollection. It had been placed in a pot on the ground and had been overgrown by all sorts of stuff and over the last year had gone nuts. It was to be used at the Plant Sale and now there are five separate plants threatening to strangle you on the approach to the greenhouse so of course, they have to go. The final gap in my deer-proof fencing was completed a week ago but I forgot to mention it to the deer and my hostas have now been browsed off on three separate occasions. As soon as it looks like there might be leaves on “Empress Woo” that might be reaching terminal size, they disappear and I am beginning to think that I will have to curtail totally growing the items they obviously consider their personal snack bar. 'Doesn't really leave much selection but at least, so far, my cardiocrinums don't feature on their menu. 'Have to be grateful for small mercies I suppose. One good thing has come out of this. My neighbor (ex MG Jill) who has allowed me to use three raised beds to grow veg, has been getting worried that I might fall from the area where the raised beds live - on a raised part of the garden with a six-foot-high rock wall as it's western boundary. She sees me stepping back to admire my work and then bailing out over the edge. So she is having a large bed prepared at the bottom of the wall, which will be enclosed by a deer-proof cage. It will also benefit from the heat held by the rock wall - all sorts of interesting possibilities there. She is a good friend. So next year we might actually be able to eat something we have grown once more. 'Haven't been able to do that for the last four years now, except for Onions and Garlic! Got started on removing existing plants today so we might have the new bed up and running before too long with any luck.  I think it was the hardest day's work I have done for ages and I had to have a nap in the afternoon, but I couldn't tell whether that was because I had two early start days or the sheer grind of lifting heavy plants.You have likely realised that I am just stumbling along here so I will finish and get to bed.

You fearless and weary leader.Gordon

PS Jill had a change of mind just following this and the bed we cleared was ordered replanted - and not with veggies or fruit either. Got to find another place - perhaps a PeaPatch again?