#i flame him here but his parts are my fav

[velvetart0v0]

Listening to the new saga of epic and all i have to say is,

Eurylochus is such a DICK

Before he was willing to leave half of the crew in calypso's island TO DIE. The only reason they didnt is cuz odysseus still had some morals in his conscience. He was even questioning odysseus's authority when he himself did nothing to help his "best friend" in making sure no one dies.

But then the moment odysseus showed that he was willing to sacrifice ANYONE just to get home to his wife and kids (honestly valid, especially with how stupid his crew is) HE THEN BETRAYS ODYSSEUS???

And not only that but RIGHT AFTER HE CONFESSED TO OPENING THE WIND BAG AND BASICALLY PUSHING THEN FARTHER AWAY FROM THEIR HOME.

Like dude idek what u want from odysseus. Pick a side, ruthless or kind. Not which one benefits u at the moment 🙄🙄

[fischlkin]

✦ like cardiac arrest.

making out with various genshin impact characters.

characters -> xiao, alhaitham, neuvillette, childe, dainsleif, arlecchino, wanderer, kaeya, kazuha.

info -> nsfw, minors dni please <3, fem!reader, kaeya is more nsfw than the rest, most of them are just suggestive, if you have a fav that isn't in here feel free to request them and i'll do a part 2!

inspired by the song 'cardiac arrest' by bad suns.

xiao is gentle. he doesn't really move his hands much while you make out, but he allows you to roam his body as you please. one of his hands rests on the small of your back, and the other caresses your cheek. he isn't feral, because if he were to act that way he would feel like he was objectifying you. and your body should not be objectified, it should be worshipped. he feels it is his job to please you, which is why he takes the "lead" with his lips. though, you must either initiate the kiss yourself or let him know you want it. if you tell him what you want, he'll never say no.

when he feels confident that he knows what you want, he'll pull you in by your waist and look you softly in the eyes, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. then he'll close his eyes and lean in slowly. his lips are soft and cold, but his hands are warm.

⸻

making out with al haitham is slow and sensuous, in the most romantic way. every movement, hand placement, gesture, is thoughtful and purposeful. your makout sessions often happen at night, in bed, when the two of you have time to devote your complete attention to each other. the curtains are open so the moonlight pours in, you and your lover lay in bed. your hand is on his chest, his on your hip, and your lips move together until the two of you feel your eyelids getting heavy. every caress of his hand is filled with appreciation and love for your soft curves, swollen lips, and deep eyes.

neuvillette is chivalrous. his strong, steady hands rest on your hips and back, guiding you throughout the day. his touches are never rough, his fingers ghost along the most sensitive parts of your body. he only kisses you when you're alone. such intimate moments should only be shared by the two of you, and no one else. your lips move softly and slowly against each other. he loves it when you comb your fingers all the way through his silvery hair. when you do, he'll pull you close, eliciting a sound halfway between a moan and a groan against your lips. he takes one of your hands in his, the other holding onto your hip, leaving no space between the two of you.

you stay like this until you fall asleep, and he presses a kiss to your head before leaning his against it, allowing himself to succumb to his sleepiness as well.

⸻

childe will have his way with you, i can assure you of that. his displays of dominance are at peak in these intimate moments. when the two of you make out, you're always against a wall, under him, or straddling his hips. his hand placement never fails to spark a flame in your stomach. his favorite thing to do with his hands when you're making out is grab your ass. he picks you up from right under your thighs, pinning you to a wall with your legs wrapped around his waist. childe is rough, and he likes to move fast. when he gets bored of having you against the wall, he will toss you onto a bed.

he's always whispering sweet nothings in your ear between kisses. effortlessly poetic. "my dear, no star in the night sky, no sunset nor sunrise, can hold a candle to your divine beauty. let us be together like this in our next lives, and the next..."

⸻

we may never know what dainsleif is thinking, but you don't have to guess when the two of you are alone. he doesn't have a way with words, but his actions and body language constantly betray him. he holds you in his arms while capturing your lips in gentle kisses. when you and dainsleif make out, it's more of pecking. but it's slow and sweet. he has one hand on the small of your back and one hand caressing your hair. you can feel him melting into your touch when you return the embrace. his heart calms, and the tension in his shoulders is released.

whenever he can, he is squeezing your ass, hips, and thighs. he grabs you by the chin, making sure you can't escape his kiss. he makes out roughly yet passionately. teeth gnashing together type shit. when he gets bored of being above you, he can flip you over as quickly as you can blink, so he can hold you down on his lap by your hips. he won't let you go until he's had his fill of your lips.

⸻

there will never be a person who appreciates your ethereal beauty quite like arlecchino does. but while she loves to worship you, she also enjoys teasing. she nips at your lips, pushes her tongue into your mouth, all while holding you by the hips. she always starts a makeout session with her hands on either side of your face, planting a kiss to your forehead. it may seem innocent at first, but she's got other plans. she slowly brings her hands down your neck to your collar bone, to your chest, and then down to your hips, before squeezing them. her sharp nails tickle at your skin, leaving marks when she grips you.

dainsleif is a sucker for eye contact. in between kisses, he'll pull you closer and stare comfortably into your irises. you're often sitting on his lap, because it allows you to be even closer to him while he cradles your face in one hand. his eyes always soften when he looks at you, and lips turn up ever so slightly into an adoring smile.

⸻

okay, wanderer is a bit of an enigma. his body language is constantly betraying him. try as he might to seem dominant and nonchalant, you know all too well that when you run your fingers through his hair he is ready to submit to you fully. he puts on a brave face, pinning you down and grabbing you by the face, leading it to meet his. but when you melt into his touch, say his name with that soft, loving voice, his eyes brighten for just a second.

arlecchino enjoys looking down on you, not figuratively. literally, she enjoys making you feel small while she holds all the power. she smirks against your lips, tracing her nails up and down your spine. and when you shiver, she digs her nails deeper into your hip, pinning you against her body. once she's had her fill, she will always stroke your hair and whisper compliments in your ear.

⸻

kaeya is a mother effin' menace. the teasiest of teasers. sits with his legs spread and his arms resting on the armrests of the chair while you straddle him. he lets you feel him up while he sits there, frustration building up inside you as he remains still. you grab him by the face and kiss him roughly, and he finally touches you. one hand is on the back of your head and the other on your waist. it travels down to your ass, and he pinches it, relishing the squeal you elicit.

unfortunately it doesn't show for very long, because he's back to smirking at your form underneath him. often while making out with you he tickles at your sides so you squirm, whining into his lips. when he's done being mean, he cradles you in his arms and continues to kiss you passionately.

⸻

kaeya can't make out with you without getting hard. with both hands on your ass, he picks you up ever so slightly, just to pull you back down on top of him. he thrusts against your groin, keeping his composure while riling you up. he flashes you a devilish a smile, bringing his lips back to yours. continuing to roll his hips against you.

⸻

hair-down kazuha. he takes out his ponytail because he knows you like to run your fingers through it. he looks ethereal with the silvery strands framing his face and sitting on his shoulders. kazuha is a very gentle kisser, holding your hand in his as you make out. his free hand pets your hair and your cheeks. he guides your hands to wrap around his back. he tilts his head up so that in between kisses, you can peck at his neck and jaw. his eyes are closed, and a small smile graces his lips as yours grace his skin. kazuha likes to make out with you laying down. usually it's outdoors. he can't resist the urge to kiss you under the stars, or beside a cliff overlooking the ocean.

[ervotica]

brat taming maybe with like dark!rafe???

pairing; rafe cameron x fem!reader

warnings; dark(ish?), dub-con if you squint but no smut, public punishment, spanking, dom!rafe, brat tamer!rafe

a/n; not a clue what this is tbh but trying to get back in the swing of writing for my fav boy <3 rafe requests and concept discussions are open as always! i always wanna talk abt this boy <3

“Are you gonna fuckin’ quit it or am I gonna have to beat the attitude out of you, kid?”

You gurgle nonsensically when his thick fingers curl around your ribcage to pull you into his chest, thrashing weakly as the flat of his hand taps against your cheek to sober you. Goosebumps raise on your arms and legs— partially from the night breeze, mostly from Rafe’s cruel touch.

“Rafe,” you purl, voice rising three octaves and swollen lips parting into a silent gasp when a resounding crack permeates the chatter of the party. Your cheeks are aflame, a nasty welt already rising on the soft skin with the distinct shape of a hand. You crinkle your nose indignantly, pushing at his firm chest even as you go soft and pliant in his grasp.

“Wanna try that again?” he snarks, clamping your jaw between his digits to anchor your gaze to his own. “Quit it.”

“You’re a prick,” you hiss, your temper flaring. He rolls his neck, eyes fluttering as he groans.

“Okay, kid.” He slaps you again and your eyes burn, glossing over with tears. “Just remember you did this to yourself, yeah?”

Dewiness clings to your neck as he backs you against the nearest wall, indifferent to the stares of the other partygoers that crowd the vast yard. His head dips until his brow touches yours.

“Turn around.”

“Not here, Rafe,” you breathe, that bravado you had disappearing at his insinuation— to spank you raw in front of everyone. “Can’t we go somewhere else?”

“No, we can’t,” he mocks your whining cadence. “Turn round before I fuckin’ make you.”

You squeal when his fingers press indents into the fat of your hips and spin you, a corded forearm pushing on the back of your neck to hold your cheek against the wall.

“Count.”

“Rafe, stop! ‘s embarrassing.”

His lips press to the shell of your ear. “I don’t fuckin’ care if you’re embarrassed, kid. Count ‘em, or it’ll be worse for you.”

You choke a sob against the brick that grates at your skin, no doubt rubbing it raw, wrestling with the tears that slip down your flaming cheeks as he delivers the first blow.

“O-one.”

“Attagirl,” he murmurs, granting you temporary reprieve with a kiss to the curve of your jaw.

The next three come in quick succession, and you writhe, reciting the numbers obediently through the lump in your throat.

“Five.”

“Six.”

“Seven.”

By the eighth, you’re crying in earnest, any dignity you had somehow clung to slipping through your fingers as you sniffle at him with teary eyes.

His nose nudges at your cheekbone, his breath a ghostly touch against your scrunched features.

“Two more, kid.”

You swipe spitefully at your swollen eyes, lips pushing out into a pout as you fight back another onslaught of tears.

“Hurts,” you snivel.

“‘s supposed to, dummy.” Your ass is raw and you hiss and jerk as he delivers the last two before he’s finally freeing you of his grip, watching as you smooth down your clothes and drunkenly cuss and hiccup at him. He quirks an eyebrow in a clear warning that has the words dying in your throat, features crumpling further with every second he’s not consoling you.

Your lips are swollen, face flushed and ruddy from Rafe’s rough hands; you let him hike you up by your armpits and draw you into his chest, pressing your stinging cheek to his shoulder.

“Good girl,” he murmurs. “Feelin’ better?”

You don’t deign to answer, needling your way further into his warm body and going boneless.

“You’re mean,” you purl, muffled through the fabric of his shirt.

“I know. I’m awful,” he concedes, smearing a kiss to the crown of your skull. Your eyelids fall shut at the tender contact, such a stark contrast to the way he’s been manhandling you.

“‘s time to go?” you ask, limply twitching in his grasp.

“Yeah. Let’s go home, kid.”

[coffeeandbatboys]

OLLOOOOOOO!

Congrats on your follower milestone!💜🎉

I have magically appeared in your asks to send you a little something here 👀

I would like to ask for Kix (or Jesse if he works better, go where the muse takes you😘)

with the emoji 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and i bestow the number

3

I hope you enjoy creating all of these! I'll keep my eye out for them! And i might just slide in with another later on if you dont mind 👀

😘💜💜💜

Yay!!!!! I definitely debated whether to do Kix or Jesse but I ended up going with our fav grumpy Medic.

Prompt is: Holding and cradling their face to study it, perhaps noticing something new. Something else to love.

(Btw anyone can send in multiple requests) and I am enjoying this very much. I love writing for my boys. Also I must say I find it crazy that a few weeks ago I was fangirling over your fics and now I’m writing one for you. It is an honor.

Warnings: mention of slight injury, medbay, Kix cannot be paid a million credits to be relaxed and happy for ten seconds. Reader is a mechanic.

Gray (Kix x Reader)

“Kriff.” You hissed, pulling your hand back. Not five seconds later did you hear footsteps behind you.

“Medbay. Now, Cyare.”

You groaned in frustration. “Kix, I swear it’s only a scratch.”

“There’s blood all over your hand!” He screeched.

“That’s an overstatement. It’s just a little patch,” you said, clutching it to your chest.

You had nicked your finger on one of the metal studs inside an astromech, and it started to bleed pretty heavily. Kix had shown up like a moth to flame when the curse left your lips.

“Kix, I feel like the reason you shave your hair is because it’s gray.”

He huffed. “No such thing.”

“You worry too much.” you emphasized.

“Just,” he closed his eyes and took a breath. “Come with me. Please?”

You obliged, feeling bad for making him go crazy. Once you both reached the sterile medical room, Kix motioned to one of the beds, which you plopped down on.

After returning with a bacta patch and a cleaning pad, he sat down in front of you with a sigh. He carefully took your hand and began to wipe away the blood.

The lack of conversation was killing you, because you couldn’t tell if he was still worried or just mad.

You decided to break the silence. “You know, you don’t have to worry about me so much.”

He sighed, again. “It’s just…” he shook his head. “Never mind.”

You cocked an eyebrow. “That doesn’t work on me, Kixie. Spill it.”

“You’re the only person besides my brothers that I get to care for. And it’s weird because I’m used to treating worse injuries from the battlefield.” He smoothed the bacta patch over the cut.

Your lips parted in surprise.

He grimaced. “Do I sound stupid yet?”

“No! No…I just…never thought about it like that. But there are other ways to take care of me, you know.”

He took the bandaged hand and placed a soft kiss on the bacta patch.

You slid both hands up until they cradled his face. You noted the little lines around his eyes, and the stubble that was growing out on his jaw. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

You frowned. “Maybe I should be the one taking care of you.”

“Aw, Mesh’la.”

“Here.” You scooted so that you were laying on one side of the bed and patted the space next to you. He huffed and did as you asked, laying down and resting his head on your chest.

“Sleep, Kix. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He mumbled something into your skin that you couldn’t decipher, so you hummed in question.

He lifted his head slightly. “Love you so much, cyare.”

You shook your head with a smile.

“Love you too, Kix.”

[miquellaluciscaelum]

"Pure and radiant, he wields love to shrive clean the hearts of men. There is nothing more terrifying".

I warn you! It gotta be long, very long. And it's of course mostly my personal opinion, speculations, theories, ideas about my fav character in this game!

If you are ready, let's go!

A rather interesting and ambiguous set of phrases, especially in combination with the visuals.

I'd like to think about what these phrases mean for Miquella in the context of his character. In the fandom, Miquella is actually a pretty unique character. The main reason is how contradictory people's opinions about him are. He is perhaps one of those about whom we know the least, but at the same time people usually attribute some things and qualities to him with such conviction, as if we have his entire biography laid out on the table instead of a set of very ambiguous descriptions of items that often don't even have a direct relationship to him or they aren't reliably verified belonging to him.

First of all, objectively, Miquella is perhaps one of the most sinless characters in the world of the Elden ring. He is not a warrior who killed for the Golden order. He is not a person who has been proven to have organized and committed a conspiracy to kill another person who is a killer's relative by the way. He did not curse the whole region with rot and slow decay. He wasn't engaged in some super vile heretical practices, wanting to gain at least some power. He didn't even burn Minor Erdtree, do you understand? Hi, Rykard! And most importantly, he was not voluntarily associated with any outer god, who bring mostly destruction on Lands between, at least as far as we know.

We know for certain about Miquella that:

1. The main goal for him was to cure his sister from the curse. He was ready to renounce the Golden Order in trying to seek answers elsewhere, in other branches of magic and faith. It costs a lot. Considering than the closer time came to the Shattering, the more rigid and radical the rules of the Order became under the rule of Radagon. Blasphemy, and this is blasphemy, was punished very severely. Radagon was literally at war with his own son because he had renounced the Golden Order. Hi, Rykard again! And it was Miquella who rejected the Golden order and its practices in order to save his sister, and later most likely completely refused from faith, realizing how much the order was rotten from the inside, from its roots literally.

2. Miquella is a genius. Most likely, he is the smartest of all the demigods and people living in Lands between. His inventions in the fields of magic, engineering, and botany are either rare or legendary items in the game. Prosthetics, armor, needles, lilies, spells. The pure gold needle alone is capable of suppressing the influence of outer gods such as Goddess of Rot and God of Frenzied flame, this actually calls into question their power in the lands between. In this way, this confirms Malenia's words about the most fearsome Empyrean. And indirectly it can make it clear where Miquella's curse came from. Here I agree with @miquella-everywhere that the most likely candidate is Greater Will, which probably saw in Miquella the same threat as in Marika. Anyone who can overcome the influence of at least one god can potentially overcome them all.

3. Miquella is known for hosting all those abandoned, rejected and forgotten by the Golden order. Omens, crystalians, demi-humans, albinaurics, tarnished, assassins, wandering merchants. From his face or under the name of his alter ego Saint Trina, he helped and saved more creatures and people than we know for sure anyone else did. The fact that this content was cut from the game at the final stage of production does not mean that it does not exist.

4. He has a reliably good relationship with most of his family members. He and Malenia feel like two parts of the same soul. He should also have a fairly close and warm relationship with Godwyn, it is shown through the statue in his Haligtree and the description of the sword Golden Epitaph. For a while, he must have had a good relationship with his father, with whom they learned the wisdom of the Golden order together. There is also reason to believe that he had a good relationship with some part of the Carian family. Considering the swords of Miquella's knights, made according to the Carian pattern, and knight Loretta, who guarded Elphael in the end.

5. Miquella definitely has special abilities. Whether it's the properties of his blood, or the traits of his character.

Speaking about this property of endearing people to themselves, I think it is logical to assume that until proven otherwise, that:

- first of all, his role as a CHARISMATIC LEADER. Understand that when his curse revealed, he objectively could not become a warrior like all the other members of his family. He was most likely trained to become a ruler, sage or adviser, commonly a politician. This is charisma training, the ability to win people over, the ability to lead people, the ability to convince and achieve your goals. This does not mean that he is a liar or a manipulator, it means that he is a good person in bad conditions, who uses the tools available to him, can sometimes make gray borderline decisions, but at the same time do it for a better future. In an environment where his curse puts him below everyone else and the military career ladder, the faster way to the top, is inaccessible to him, he has to struggle with acquiring some kind of position even more. In the end before and during the Shattering, by the way, he ruled the entire fucking city with his sister, speaking of charisma and leader characters.

- secondly, the possibility of a special persuasion arose from some kind of natural magnetism exists, perhaps even uncontrolled by Miquella himself. We could all have noticed some insect-like features that Miquella has, wings, cocoons, etc. It is quite possible that there are some special pheromones that soften people's reactions to him and cause instinctive affection, like butterflies have, for example. I.e. partially it may be uncontrollable.

- thirdly, this "gift of persuasion" can be completely hereditary, i.e. it could have come from Marika herself. She still somehow forced the last giant to obey her and guard Forge of the Giants.

That is, his so-called manipulation could be partly uncontrollable, and partly caused by his upbringing and the initial limitations of his position due to the curse, which he absolutely needs to overcome because otherwise he will not have enough knowledge or resources to cure Malenia or himself. Can you blame him for using the tools available to him and perhaps even using his innocent appearance to achieve his goals more easily? I wouldn't. (Honestly, if in the end his darker and more ominous side will be revealed to us, and the guess that he bewitched people will become the truth, I won't start love him less🤣, but now all of these are still just speculations) Moreover, it is not mentioned anywhere that he compeled and controlled people on some cosmic scale, deprived them of their will and forced them to madly love him and follow his ideas. He didn't want to put himself on a pedestal, create a new order, or become an almighty god. If he has the kind of potential that you believe he has, if he is one huge reference to Griffith as you believe, he probably could, but it literally contradicts his whole character, goals and motivation.

But what I absolutely deny and hate is the version that it was Miquella who bewitched Mogh in order to use him for his own purposes and achieve a breakthrough in breaking his curse earlier. I think this is absolutely a piece of SHIT and smacks of VICTIMBLAMING. All Miquella got from his kidnapping was a cursed body; an abandoned and slowly degrading sister, whom he was actually trying to save; a dying rotting tree, he tried to grow with so much effort; and he, who fell under the influence of an outer god, the thing he tried to avoid himself and from which he is still trying to save Malenia. Moreover, we know literally NOTHING about what Mogh did to Miquella while he was with him and in what condition. And believe me, you don't want to know what they write about this in fanfiction and what boarders it sometimes goes beyond. I can't imagine any way in which Miquella could have planned something like this.

Returning to the set of phrases at the beginning of the trailer.

"Pure and radiant, he wields love to shrive clean the hearts of men. There is nothing more terrifying".

Two interpretations.

One based on his "special influence on people." Then it can literally be said here that he is able to change people's consciousness and worldview for the better or for the worse. To free people's hearts from evil and evil thoughts, perhaps any thoughts in principle. This means that he has great power. Whether he uses it or not is another matter. This interpretation echoes Malenia's words and seems to be the most obvious and quite ominous.

However, when I watched the trailer over and over again and this moment in particular, I realized something. The words about a pure innocent soul and strength contrast very strongly with the visual. He is literally so disgusting and repulsive compared to the image of Miquella that they create in our heads that it becomes strange.

And then I thought, what if there is another meaning?

What if it means that such a pure innocent soul has great potential to make the world a better place, to make people living there better. But the higher you fly, the more painful to fall. The more hope you have, the more terrible to experience the defeat. What if this literally means:

Such a pure innocent soul with enough love in her to purify people's hearts. That makes the end of these aspirations even more terrifying.

And they show us Miquella's bloodied, emaciated hand from the cocoon. All his desires: save his sister, save his brother, save himself, make the world a better place for the abandoned and rejected, let life and abundance flourish, ended here. In the hands of a pervert and his perverted god, in a stinking bloody swamp, buried deep underground without a single ray of sun, deep in a dream that has no end, abandoned and left alone. The road to hell has been paved with truly good intentions.

Fuck, I'm crying. Let me save my boy😭

I really don't understand how you can compare Miquella to Griffith when it's literally the same type of character that Miyazaki uses in every bloody game he creates. If you want to call it a rebirth of the world, let it be. Gwyndolin, Lothric, Kuro, Miquella. A boy cursed or weak from birth, different from generally accepted norms, with great responsibility and duty on his shoulders, a defender of ideals in spirit and a fighter against fate in fact, with problems in the family and a legacy more burdensome than beneficial, but most often with loving brothers and sisters and a strong warrior behind his back, master in magic or science, cold-blooded, but very naive at heart. Unwilling to give in to fate, gods, and the world that always expects something from them. Unwilling to surrender to death. These are very similar stories and there is no place in them for what you are looking for. I just hope that there will be no place for a bad ending in the new story either. 😭

Thank you for listening to my Ted talk about some cute soulsborn femboy✨. I even cried at the end. Hope you didn't get bored in the process. Trailer touched me on many soul layers.

[barbarianbookhoe]

Chapter 8

No Permission

A/N: Hi lovelies! Sorry for the delay, I wanted to post this yesterday but I was away on a long ass exam

Anyways, this chapter just made it to my top 3 favs to write, so enjoy!!

Btw this got so long and I didn't have the heart to broke it into two parts, so I left it long as fuck

TW: PTSD, nightmare, fear of fire, fluff

Taglist: @kiraflowersworld @vainillasmil157 @bookloverfilmoholic @so-get-this-sammy @ell0ra-br3kk3r @hufflepuffprincessbabe @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @bitterspoons @el-de-phi @astess

Everything was warm. Too warm.

The beautifully letal orange flashes surrounded everything. They were spreading through the small house, devouring every inch of space. The flames ran up the walls, rapidly eating up any surface they touched.

The house slowly became to lose balance, the fire weakening its composure, making it crumble down. The dark night was suddenly lit up by the flames erupting from the place.

The girl clutched the skirt of her dress, looking for a way out, but finding none. Her coughs became more frequent, more violent, making her chest tremble. She tried the windows, but the frames were too hot to touch, just like the door handle. She couldn't grab any of the chairs to break the window, the flames already eating them up before she could've even thought about using them.

Everything was warm. Too warm.

She already took off her dress, now running around in only a loose white underdress, the sweat and heat making it cling to her frame.

She didn't notice when she began screaming, but she did it with all her might. She screamed, sobbed and yelled as loud as she was physically capable, even as she felt her throat become hurt in the process.

She felt the flames closing in on her as she stood in the collapsing dining room. She didn't accept her fate just yet. She knew that trying to pry open the window frame would only burn her hands without protection, therefore she grabbed the end of her dress and tore a long stripe off of it, wrapping it around her hands.

It would do close to nothing in keeping her unharmed, but she wasn't in the right state to think about that. She also wasn't thinking when she punched through the glass and began pulling herself out.

The flames were too close.

It was warm.

It was too warm.

The girl didn't even realize the burning sensation that traveled up to her neck. Not until she was far from the house, squinting in the darkness trying to find a path she could take.

She put her hand on her neck to check how bad the burn was, and only then did she realize it wasn't sweat sticking to her skin.

It was blood.

Y/N woke up with a jolt, throwing the blankets and furs off of her in a rush. "N-no, no fire," she kept muttering as she began taking her scarf off, along with her coat, trying to catch her breath. It took every ounce of her will to keep herself quiet, not wanting to wake anyone.

But she didn't notice the boy next to her, also joltinf from his sleep in the chair, trying to get her to stop. She felt his leather clawed hands touch her and she flinched.

She flinched away.

She flinched, from him.

She couldn't meet his eye as she frantically put on her boots and strode out into the cold night, without anything to protect her from the snow.

Kaz almost ran after her just a second later.

Instead, he decided to wait for a minute, not wanting the others to wake up from the noise he would make. He made sure to grab her coat before walking out. He didn't want her to catch a cold right now.

Kaz almost had a heart attack when he saw her sitting in the snow. Without a coat. Without her gloves. Without anything to sit on. With her hands wrapped around her middle, trying to shake herself from the nightmare.

This wasn't the first time they had to deal with it. It won't be the last either. It will probably never go away. They just thought it wouldn't happen this soon again. Not here. Not now. Not while on a mission, where Kaz wasn't able to help them the way he wanted to.

Kaz quietly, but as fast as he could, walked over to her. He made sure to make some noise with his cane in the snow, so she wouldn't jump at his touch as he gently pulled her up from the snow and put the coat around her.

Y/N kept shaking, but Kaz knew he couldn't drag her inside, she needed a few moments to get back to reality. Therefore Kaz just waited patiently for her, like she did with him back home.

Home. The thought felt like a punch to Kaz's face. He never thought of Ketterdam as home, let alone the Barrel, because in his head home was a word associated with warmth, love and family. His home consisted of nothing more than bloodshed and greed. Except Y/N. She was like the Sun, always finding a way to shine even in the darkest places. She wasn't bright, and overloaded with joy all the time, kind to people, Saints no. She could be ruthless, downright cruel at times, greedy and selfish, a walking nightmare to anyone who dared cross paths with her.

But not with her family, not the Crows, not with Kaz. Never with him. It was as if Kaz's mean attitude allowed her to drop her armor and act however she wanted. They had their fare share of mean, petty arguments, but that didn't erase the fact that she was always comfortable around him. Kind and sweet, considerate and careful, annoying at times too, always challenging Kaz in some way to want to be better. Because she knows his heart better than he does most of the time.

Y/N doesn't say anything as she gently tugs on Kaz's arm, signaling that she's ready to go back inside, that she'll be alright. Kaz sends a questioning glance towards her and she nods with a tired smile. Kaz puts a hand to her back and guides her back into her bed.

He doesn't sleep a minute from then on, his pocket and heart heavy with emotions.

"Look, all I'm saying is that an eagle can claw it's eyes out, therefore the wolf wouldn't see and bleed to death!" Jesper said and turned towards Y/N.

Jesper started the argument with Nina when they left the cabin, and with time Y/N joined them, publicly announcing her opinions.

"Are you sure you didn't bribe the university to accept you?"

"Wow, you should've stayed in school."

"Have you learned nothing in the Little Palace?"

"How both of you survived beyond the age of 10, is unbelieveable to me."

"You're awfully mean today, did you know that?" Jesper asked and Y/N scoffed. "I'm just giving you my opinion. Doesn't mean you have to take it to heart," she told him and Jesper sent a knowing look towards Nina. "Doesn't mean you have to be mean about it,"

"Eat hedgehogs," Y/N said and turned around to walk over to Inej, so she could continue the journey in silence. Inej sent her a questioning look, but Y/N just sighed and shook her head tiredly. Regardless, Inej sent her a reassuring smile, covered by the scarf protecting her face from the cold.

Kaz didn't keep his eyes off her since last night. He knew the lack of sleep and the cold would get to him eventually, probably by nightfall, but he didn't care. He just needed to know that she would be alright.

They spent almost all day walking through the snow. Thankfully they didn't got caught up in another fight, or windstorm, their only inconvenience was Jesper's mindless hypothetic questions about animal fights and random things that came to his mind.

He was about to start a discussion on hats versus scarfs while they reached the top of the hill they were climbing, when they finally saw Djerholm spreading out beneath them. The rooftops were covered in snow, and they could almost make out the harbor in the distance. Nightfall was soon to come, so they didn't waste time with finding shelter for the night.

"Finally, a night where I won't have to listen to the piece of fur snore," Jesper mumbled, but not quiet enough for Matthias not to hear. He mumbled something in Fjerdan to with Nina gasped and Jesper frowned. "Don't call me that."

"You understand Fjerdan?" Wylan asked in surprise but Jesper just smiled. "I don't need to speak a language to know when someone's cursing me out."

Y/N also mumbled something from next to him and Jesper made a dramatically offended face at it. "You're just being offensive on purpose!"

"Maybe I am." Y/N shrugged her shoulders as they passed multiple little stands that were selling things for the upcoming Hringkälla. They actually passed multiple stands along with shops, bars and inns too. Y/N still couldn't shake the creepy feeling her nightmare left behind. She let her scarf get loose around her neck, hoping the cold would make the pain on her neck subside.

The tingling in her bones got more noticeable ever since she woke up. The last time she shapeshifted was more than a week ago, during the fight at Fifth Harbor. Her skin was itching with need, the need to transform before she scratched off her skin under the heavy coat.

"If you're worried about the price, then don't. I doubt guards would accept our money in prison." Nina told Kaz after he refused to go inside another inn. Jesper was complaining too, with Wylan and Inej silently siding with him. Even the Wraith couldn't deny the comfort of a bed. Matthias and Y/N were just fed up with their bickering, wanting them to stop and keep going so they could finally rest.

Kaz began leading them towards another inn, which didn't look inviting to say the least, and upon seeing it Nina and Jesper followed him close with complaints. Y/N had to swallow down her laugh at the absurdity of it all. They were here on a job, probably to never return home, with herself, Nina and -if her assumptions were right- Jesper most likely to be burned alive, and yet, their biggest problem was the state of an inn where they would spend no more than a few hours.

"Those two can make quite a show," Inej appeared next to Y/N, and she let out a smile. "At least it's fun watching them." She told her without any humor in her voice, almost as if she'd be anywhere but here, which wasn't far from the truth.

"You've been acting weird today. Is something wrong?" Inej asked while they followed the bickering pair and Kaz. "Aside from the fact that we can die tomorrow? I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Literally." Y/N sighed as they went inside the small inn, where apparently no one was staying.

The dirt was visible on the creaky floor, and the walls were cracked in a lot of places. The dust was so thick on the tables, it looked more like a tablecloth. The receptionist was a middle aged man, who was currently sleeping in his chair, with a bottle of something on the front desk.

The group quickly realized that tonight wasn't gonna be about pleasure and comfort, but about a warm and dry place, nothing else. As they remembered Kaz earlier looking at the top of the building where a small rooftop terrace was, they understood why he chose this dirty place. From up there they would have perfect view of the road leading to the Ice Court.

"AH!" The man abruptly sat up, knocking the chair out from under himself while trying to reach his back, circling around himself like a maniac. A little mouse-like thing was hanging off his back, probably biting him.

Jesper, Nina and even Inej were laughing at him, while Wylan and Matthias seemed rather confused, and tired. Kaz on the other hand just sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked over to him and gently took the mouse off his back with his cane. He watched as the mouse quickly ran under one of the tables and disappeared.

While Kaz and Inej talked with the man about the rooms for the night, Jesper turned around himself a couple of times before Wylan spoke to him.

"Are you looking for something?"

"Yeah, Y/N. She was here just a second ago," Jesper bent down to look under one of the tables, when he noticed a black spider on his leg. He quickly stretched out his leg and hopped on the other to slap away the spider, but it disappeared as soon as it came.

"Why is it that insects always find ME!?" Jesper asked loudly and Wylan stiffled a chuckle next to him. Jesper turned to him with furrowed brows. "Oh laugh all you want, but you'd also act crazy if a spider tried to eat you."

"That was the size of your finger," Wylan said and Jesper's jaw dropped. "Will you keep lowering my dignity, or help me find-"

"Maybe the air was cut off halfway up your brain, but if you opened your ears you would hear the cat yelling at you." Kaz told them and made an obvious frown at the black cat that was sitting at Nina's leg, meowing loudly. He took the keys from the receptionist, who immediately went back to sleeping.

"That comment was absolutely mean and unnecessary," Jesper told him as he took one of the keys from him. "And?" Kaz asked with a raised brow, actually waiting for an answer. When Jesper just looked back at him, trying to think of a come back, Kaz smirked at him for half a second. "Thought so."

"You and Y/N should start a club. How to offend your friends in unnecessary ways," Jesper said the last half more to himself than Kaz, but he heard it regardless.

Nina listened in on his heartbeat and noticed it picked up at the mention of Y/N's name. She had to bend down to pick the cat up to hide her smile. It happened every single time Kaz looked at her, heard her name, voice, laugh, or was just near her. It was like Kaz's heart was trying to rush the air to his brain as if he was slowly suffocating without her. At the thought Nina felt like bursting into childish giggles, and took a mental note to talk to Jesper about it.

"We got three rooms. One of them looks directly at the street we just came in from, the second is next to it, and the last one is on the other side of the hall. That's obviously mine, since it has direct view of the main street, where the soldiers are usually stationed," Kaz told them and glared at Nina, who already had Y/N, still a cat, in her arms. Jesper mockingly muttered 'obviously ' and Wylan looked at him with a small smile. Their group was quite amusing when they wanted to be.

"The rest of you, I don't care where you sleep. We start at 5 bells sharp in the morning." Kaz said and everyone groaned at the early hour.

Despite the bad mood, the black cat was passed around their circle while Kaz set them down at a table, to quickly talk through everything major once again. Everyone knew everything about the plan and even the alternative(s), thanks to Kaz's demand to memorize every single detail.

Y/N, still in her cat form, jumped down from Inej's hands and took a lap around their table, happily scaring Matthias with how silently she moved. She stopped a little at Nina's legs again, liking how she scratched her head, then she made sure to go unnoticed as she sat down next to Kaz's bad leg.

It also went unnoticed when Kaz slightly moved his cane in a circling motion, as if scratching something. He made it seem like he was just playing with his cane as he listened to the group telling the plan back to him. Even if they didn't have time to talk yet, he was grateful that he found a way to give her some comfort at least.

When he felt the cat begin to move under his cane, he let her go and now focused all of his attention at their plan's revision. It wasn't after a few long minutes that he noticed the presence standing slightly next to him, quietly chewing on something.

"Not as good as a deer, but it'll suffice," Y/N mumbled to herself as Kaz turned his head to look up at her. She was holding a small bowl and eating something that looked like stew made of mud and something dead.

"What are you doing?" Kaz asked and he seemed honestly confused as to why Y/N was eating something like that. "It's called eating. My marvelous body needs its suppliments," she told him with a hand on her hip, while still chewing on something.

"And you decided to eat that," Jesper asked with a horrified face, and just as he said that, Y/N pulled out some small bones from her mouth, which could've belonged to a mouse. She looked surprised for a second then went back to eating.

The entire table looked at her in silence, with shock visible on their faces, and even Kaz's neutral face faltered for a second. Nina was the one to speak up on a truly horrified tone. "Why are you still eating that thing?!"

"Nina dear, I'm a shapeshifter. When I'm in the wild I don't really have the luxury of deciding what to eat." She told her as she grabbed her spoon to take another bite. "Plus after eating live rats, you really appreciate any kind of food you come across."

"Rats? You've eaten rats, alive?" Matthias asked disgust visible on his face. "Why?"

"I just told you. When you're in the wild you can't choose what to eat. Your only options are eating and starving, so yeah, I ate rats." After a small pause she continued. "Once I ate a horse. Not the whole thing, but you know, the liver, some tummy and a leg. It's not as bad as it sounds, trust me."

The table was silent once again. Everyone tried to figure out what to say to break the awkward silence, but it seemed hopeless. What could any of them say to make Y/N's words less uncomfortable?

"Why? Why would you say that?" Jesper asked with a pained face. "Why would you eat a horse?"

"Desperate times require desperate measures. Don't judge something you haven't tried," she said and put her empty bowl on the table. Jesper, Nina and Matthias visibly moved a little further away from it. "Oh come on, it won't infect you."

"Wait, so when you said earlier that you're so hungry you could eat a horse, you meant, like-" Inej started as she stared at Y/N, surprise written on her face.

"-literally? Yes. Sometimes animal habits are more affecting than what I'm counting on," She told her and took her bowl back into her hands. "I'll do a quick look-around before we go to sleep." Then she disappeared behind a door that they assumed led to the kitchen.

"Should we be worried that she eats live animals?" Jesper asked now somewhat less horrified, but still in shock. Kaz glanced at him with a hidden protectiveness for Y/N. "As long as it doesn't affect our job, it's none of our business." Kaz stood up, signaling their meeting was over and they can head to their rooms.

"I aggree with you, I do, but shouldn't we keep an eye on her just in case she decided to, I don't know, bite off a guard's leg or hand? I mean, I know she's not a psychopath, we all know that, but in the heat of the moment thing can-"

"Are you suggesting I spy on her? On the job inside the prison?" Kaz asked and raised his brow as he stared back at Jesper. "I'm not saying I don't trust her, Saints, she's one of the only people I trust with my life, but I'm just worried!" Jesper stood in front of him, his hands on his hips.

"And not because she could eat the guards if she wanted to, which is creepy but also cool, but because I'm scared how she'll react to it. I mean, she'll be in her animal form the entire time and I don't know how it'll affect her." He told Kaz and looked at him with genuine worry on his face.

Inej and Nina looked at Kaz with similar faces, hoping their trio would have some, or any kind of effect on him, so he'd make sure Y/N will be looked after during their time in the Ice Court. Having to see her almost get drowned at Fifth Harbor was more than enough, so none of them wanted to see her hurt once again. And if they were right, neither did Kaz.

"She's more than capable of handling herself, but if you prefer wasting time on worrying about her, then by all means do it," Kaz told them mockingly and walked over to the small staircase leading upstairs. "Do what you want, just be clear-headed tomorrow, otherwise I don't care." And with that he disappeared upstairs.

The little trio stood there for a few seconds, before Nina turned to Jesper and Inej with a mischievous smile. "I was listening to his heartbeat while Y/N was a cat, and it sounded like he was about to have a heart attack when Jesper mentioned her," she told them and Jesper stared back at her with a smile of his own. Inej had a questioning look on her face as she spoke up.

"But what does this have to do with our bet? It's not exactly a clue," Jesper and Nina nodded in agreement, while Wylan joined their circle and quietly spoke up. "They seemed close enough last night. I saw them talking."

The trio turned to him at once, Jesper with amusement on his face. "You were eavesdropping on Kaz?"

"N-not exactly-" Wylan started but got interrupted by Jesper. "Did they know you were listening?"

"No,"

"Did they know you were awake?" Nina asked this time. Wylan looked at both of them with slight guilt. "Well, I didn't want them to know, but-"

"You were eavesdropping!" Jesper told him with a chuckle, followed by Nina's gasp. "Saints, maybe Wylan knows something that will help us. Alright, what did you hear, or saw exactly?" She asked and now the trio circled around Wylan to listen. He looked helplessly at Matthias, hoping he'll say something but he just shrugged and made his way upstairs. Wylan sighed.

"I don't want Kaz to know," he said and all of them rolled their eyes playfullly. "Come on, Nina and I made the bet, we're the last people who'd want him to know any of this," Jesper told him.

"And since we'll be in the Ice Court tomorrow, us talking about his relationship will go unnoticed. He'll be too absorbed with the job going perfectly," Inej told him reassuringly and it made Jesper turn to her suspiciously. "Since when are you a big fan of gossiping, Wraith?" "I'm a spy Jesper. It's part of my job." "Alright, understandable," he shrugged and turned back to Wylan.

"So, back in the cabin, I woke up to the door opening. At first I just wanted to go back to sleep, and I almost did, but then the door opened again,so I turned around to see what was happening, and Kaz, he had his arms around Y/N,walking her to the bed." Jesper and Nina let out a surprised gasp and Wylan continued.

"They were talking really quietly, I didn't hear most of what they were saying, but Kaz was talking about promising something and a tattoo they have." He said the last words more like a question, not sure if he remembered correctly. "That's the only part I could hear actually, before I fell asleep again," Wylan finished his "report".

"A tattoo? It could be the Crow and the Cup. Y/N told me she got it together with Kaz," Inej said and they turned to her. "Why didn't you tell me?" Jesper and Nina asked in union and Inej turned towards the latter in confusion. "You were there when she told me, back on the ship."

"I believe I've been tending to your life-threatening wound, if I remember correctly. You're welcome by the way," Nina told her in a playful voice and Inej tilted her head. "A little harsh Nina," The two girls smiled at each other briefly before turning back to the boys.

"So this can mean two things. One, Wylan is an exceptionally good liar and he just wanted to stir some drama before we kicked the bucket,-" Wylan looked at him offended and Jesper quickly continued. "-or two, which is unbelieveable but can be true...Kaz and Y/N are a couple."

"Jesper! Just because you want to win the bet, don't analyze their interactions! That's cheating," Nina scolded him and Jesper raised a brow at her. "If I can't go looking for evidence, then why were you using your powers, hmm?"

"Umm-" Nina started and he waited for her to find an excuse. "I was just checking if his veins got turned to stone because of his cold attitude."

"I hope you'll be a better actress once we get behind bars," Jesper sighed but Nina just rolled her eyes. They decided to stay a little while and talk about the couple, or rather argue about if they're even a couple or close friends.

Meanwhile Kaz Brekker was having an existential crisis in the old and dusty room above, his gaze constantly moving between the woman sleeping on the bed and the pouch in his hand.

He shouldn't have come here. He should've made his way directly towards the Slat to gather his belongings before their ship departed to Fjerda. He shouldn't have listened to the voice in his head like he did a week ago, when he stupidly went into that shop.

And now here he was, standing in front of his door, knocking, without a single plan as to what he was gonna say. He didn't have time to think about it too long, because the door opened and Raffiel, Y/N's brother was standing there, he's shirt halfway open, the boots still on his feet.

"What are you doing here?" He asked on an annoyed tone. Kaz looked at him dumbfounded for a second before he found his voice. "I came to ask you something."

"Really?" Raffiel asked with a smile on his face and crossed his arms as he leaned against the doorframe. 'This will take longer than my temper can take,' Kaz thought. "Would you care to elaborate? I'm really curious about your intentions," Raffiel said mockingly and Kaz tried real hard not to roll his eyes.

"Will you keep asking me, or can we continue this inside?" Kaz asked as patiently as he could despite his heart pumping in his ears, telling him to walk away.

"Why would I do that?"

"It's about your sister." Kaz told him and stepped closer. That got his attention, because he immediately straightened his back. "Now, shall we go inside?"

Raffiel looked suspiciously at him, considering if they should continue this conversation. Kaz Brekker made his sister cry several times and even though Raffiel knew how his sister felt, he couldn't shake the feeling that Kaz will hurt her one way or another, intentionally or unintentionally.

"I'm asking for your sister," Kaz said without hesitation and it made Raffiel surprised.

Against his better judgement, he let him inside, but didn't step away from the front door in hope he could end this sooner rather than later.

"She's not here, as I'm sure you already know-"

"I'm asking for her hand."

Silence. Dead silence. Both men held their breath waiting for the other to speak. Kaz was the one to break the silence, trying to hide the tremble in his voice as best as he could.

"Years ago you told me to find you when I thought she was worth living for. Unfortunately that is not the reason I'm here." Kaz told him and Raffiel had genuine surprise on his face, and for the first time since they've known each other, without anger towards him. Kaz took it as a sign to continue.

"The job we're going on tonight will be long and dangerous. We'll be gone for weeks and it's possible not everyone comes back." Kaz had to take a second to breathe, before he spoke the next words out loud, for the first time since he thought about them. "In case I don't make it, I want your sister to have proper safety when she comes back."

Raffiel was silent, then let out a scoff, and another, and another, which slowly turned into laughter. He tried to stop it, or at least be quiet since his son and wife was asleep upstairs, but when he looked at Kaz's serious face he had to turn away to stiffle another laugh.

"Are you serious? You're asking my permission to marry her? Did you really think that I would ever let you-"

"I'm giving her everything I have. I've already signed the papers to her name, the club, the bar, the club's share in Fifth Harbor, every investment and money that I own, everything is hers. I'm giving her everything," Kaz told him angrily, desperately, convincing him that he wouldn't change his mind about this.

Raffiel's amusement slowly turned into surprise and suspicion, then as he kept looking at Kaz's face, analyzing every inch of his stare, and the way his determined gaze didn't falter for one second was all evidence that he was dead serious.

"You never needed my permission when it came to my sister. Why now?"

There was a long pause after that, and Kaz had to take several breaths before he could master the courage to speak the words out loud, making them all the more real and terrifying.

"Because I'm not sure I'll be coming back alive."

[starry-eyed-steve]

Sandra's Fic Wrapped 2023

Hello <3, it's the last day of 2023, and I wanted to give some love to all the amazing fanfics I read this year. Each one of the people mentioned here is so talented, and everyone should check out their entire work.

(Disclaimer: all fics mentioned are Steve Harrington x reader)

Here are my top reads from this year (in no particular order)

Wildfire by @curiositydooropened (completed series, enemies to lovers) This fic has one of the best world building, I need this to happen in s5, actually. Doesn't shy away from discussions of ptsd and overall, it was so well done. I still have to finish it, but I know Amanda did an amazing job with it. <3

Glitch by @munsonsreputation (series, friends to lovers) This fic is just so cozy and cute. Reader insert felt like a very well-rounded character. You will love all the interactions with the other characters. It's just so well done. <3

whip it! by @schoopsahoy (one shot) This fic was cuteness overload. Loved the confident reader insert, and overall, the character dynamics were so well done, esp Steve and the kids <3

don't think twice, it's alright by @hawkinsquarry (part of a series, hurt/comfort post s4) I think this is one of my fav hurt/comfort pieces I've read this year. The interactions between reader and Steve are so tender. Overall, this was perfect <3

Into Open Flames by @kurokoros (completed series, established relationship, horror, set after s2 canon divergence) This fic has amazing world building. The original monster is so terrifying and well done that I was on the edge of my seat all the time. I adored Steve's character so much, kinda wish the show would have handled his character that way instead of what they did in s3/4. Overall amazing writing <3

confetti by @slashersteve (series, single!dad Steve) My favorite single dad Steve fic out there. I still haven't read the latest part, but I had to mention this series. It's amazing. The characters feel so real, and you'll fall in love with Steve's daughter <3

become the sun by @headkiss (one shot, strangers to friends to lovers) This was probably my favorite summer fic. I adored the small beach town vibe. Overall, that was such a cute read. I still need to read this year's Christmas fic, which I know will be great because last year's was amazing. <3

the view between villages, part one: good bones by @sattlersquarry (completed series, choose your own adventure, s3) Listen this is one of the most creative works I've read. The amount of work that was put in it is insane. You play an active part and get to choose how your story ends. This was such a fun experience <3

the swindling of steve harrington’s heart by @stevebabey (one shot, strangers to lovers) This was such a cute fic, like Steve asking for dating advice in the Hawkins Post was just sweet. I loved all the interactions between him and the reader. If you need a pick-me-up, this is your fic <3

and they were roomates by @sunshinesteviee (one shot, friends to lovers) This fic was just so cute. I loved Robin being kinda in the middle of this and sick of their bullshit. Overall, amazing writing and a quick read if you are feeling down and need cheering up <3

almost paradise by @hawkinsindiana (completed series for now, ST rewrite covering all seasons) I said it so many times, but this is one of my overall favorite stories. Kinda wish we had the reader character in the actual show because it makes so much sense. The writing is amazing, I even shed a few tears towards the end. I can't wait to see what's in store for s5. Also, check out the various blurbs that go with it. There is so much work being put into this, and it deserves a bit more love. I'm gonna re-read the whole thing next year. <3

steve zombie!au by @luveline (compilation of blurbs and one shots) This is one of my fav AU, I can't just choose one thing, so I linked the entire masterlist Their relationship is just so special. I love the world building and the other characters. It's amazing <3

no good at waiting by @familyvideostevie (completed series, sorta enemies to lover farmer market au) This is one of my fav series, and we got such cute blurbs this year from this universe. It has such a cozy vibe to it, great world building and characters. <3

Any Way Out by @hairrington (one shot, angst, ex boyfriend Steve) This fic was a mix of heartache and comfort. Nadia is one of my fav Steve writers out there so everyone check out her entire masterlist. <3

some kind of muted blue by @thecreelhouse (one shot, dark themes, deals with things like ptsd) This was so devastatingly beautiful, I loved that this fic explored Steve's felings so much, something we don't get to see in the show. This was just amazingly written <3

[dionysism]

hello new mutual!! delighted to be mutuals with you, love your blog <3 i was wondering if you had any favorite scenes or lines from the Homeric epics that really stick with you or resonate?? have a great day <33

hello!! delighted to be mutuals with you too :)

i love this question!! tried to really cherry pick my favs or this would be quite a long post so here we go 😭

from the iliad:

- the "ah, father zeus, athene and apollo, if only no trojan could get away alive, not one, and no greek either, and we two could survive the massacre to tear off troy's holy diadem 100 of towers single-handed!" from achilles when he tells patroclus he wishes they could conquer troy just the two of them

- that whole scene where thetis comes to achilles after patroclus' death but especially "my child— why in tears? what sorrow has touched your heart?" i really love thetis and her relationship with achilles. it is just so. tragic

- "yes, my friend, you die too. why make such a song about it? even patroclus died, who was a better man than you by far."

- "as fire from the skies rages through deep gullies on a scorched mountain-side, a great forest is consumed and everywhere a driving wind sends the flames billowing, so achilles ran amok with his spear like something superhuman, killing as he went, and the black earth ran with blood." one of my all time fav quotes from my rieu translation

from the odyssey:

- the whole scene where telemachus visits menelaus and helen in sparta is a personal fav of mine because 1. everything menelaus said about odysseus was so heartbreaking he really loved that man ("his destiny was suffering and mine the endless pain of missing him" from wilson and "nothing could have parted us, bound by love for eachother, mutual delight, till death's dark cloud came shrouding round us both" from fagles) and 2. it was also hilarious because helen drugged the wine?:$:?/? and her and menelaus clearly have unresolved tension from the war. meanwhile telemachus there like 🧍

- when odysseus returns home and is greeted by his people ohhh this touches my heart so dearly. his people truly loved him and he truly loved them. "flocking out of their quarters torch in hand they embraced odysseus in welcome, and took and kissed his shoulders, head and hands. a sweet longing came on him to weep and sob, as he remembered them every one."

- the odysseus and penelope reunion, of course. my favorite of all. odysseus being like "haha my beloved wife you won't talk to me while i'm in dirty rags i see how it is" and then athena making him look extra gorgeous and the entire exhange that follows. "what a strange woman you are!" "what a strange man you are!" then her doing the olive bed trick and telling eurycleia to pull the bed out and odysseus replying "lady! your words are a knife in my heart! who has moved my bed!" and them him explaining the whole of how he built the bed and penelope bursting into tears and they embrace but ohhhh rieu again (if you couldn't tell hes my fav) with the "it was like the moment when the blissful land is seen by struggling sailors, whose fine ship poseidon has battered with wind and wave and smashed on the high seas. a few swim safely to the mainland out of the foaming surf, their bodies caked with brine; and blissfully they tread on solid land, saved from disaster. it was bliss like that for penelope to see her husband once again. her white arms round his neck never quite let go." just beautifully put but also the likening of penelope's joy to see him again specifically to that of a sailor finally making to land again after a hard and painful journey like oh the odyssey was truly just as painful for penelope as it was for odysseus i'm SICK!

[deepperplexity]

Prompt 4. Sharing [C1]

Pairing: Turpin x Fem!Wife!Reader

POV: Second, Reader

Setting: Turpin's House

A/N: Time for my fav Rickman character to take the spotlight - I realise it might be a little frustrating to not have each long fic as a whole but I'm working with set prompts (like everyone else 😅) so we will be jumping a bit between the stories but I hope - since it's such a short time between parts - that you'll manage, darlings 🙈❤ Anyway, we are gonna have another slightly darker story going but I do promise we will have a HEA even if it'll be a bit of a roller coaster getting there. I'm such a sucker for Angst and Hurt in my fics that I just can't resist - especially when Turpin is so perfect for this 🙈🤭❤ I don't know how long this one will be though, might be 2 parts, might be 5, we'll have to see 😂 Anyway, I hope December is starting well for you and let's get to the story! 😍👏

IMPORTANT: My plans for this story go in the darker shades! I cannot make any promises as I write as I go for this event but I feel like Turpin's story needs some darkness, amidst the fluff and joy of Christmas I want to incorporate some harsher, darker themes as well - he's a dark and complex character after all so I'm just giving a possible heads up here at the very beginning. No promises, but many possibilities 🙈

Tags/TW’s: Emotional Hurt/Harm, Fear, Physical Grabbing/Hurt, Emotional Hurt/No Comfort (yet), Harsh Dialogue, Hating Christmas vs Loving Christmas, Pettiness, Longing, Fear Of Abandonment, Lacking Communication (not miscommunication)

Abbr.: Y/N - Your Name

Word Count: 1.6k+

LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST

You were tensing all over. Every muscle was as stiff as the logs in the hearth, crackling within the flames yet their warmth didn’t quite reach you. He glared at you. His cold grey eyes lacked the usual warmth he held for you. To be quite blunt, you hadn’t thought he’d be so opposed to the whole idea — but, there you were, in the middle of an argument you hadn’t imagined would ever occur.

You looked down, avoiding his harsh gaze. “I thought you’d be pleased,” you said quietly. “Pleased?” “Yes, Richard. I thought—” “You thought wrong. Christmas is a foolish holiday, worth nothing to me. The opposite, in fact.” You bit your lip, the coldness of his words too hurtful when you adored the holiday with all your heart and he'd never spoken in such a manner to you previously.

You glanced toward the tree you had only half decorated when he came home. Everything else in the house was done, the garlands and curtains, the mistletoe in the hallway arch and the new green candle sticks, the little Santa village atop the mantel you had sprinkled with flour to replicate snow, and the little decorations dotted on most flat surfaces — angels and reindeer, miniature trees and Christmas flowers. Some things you’d bought at the market but quite a bit of it you’d found in the attic — why did he have all those beautiful decorations if he wasn’t fond of the holiday?

“I’m sorry, Richard…” you whispered and he sighed deeply, it made you shiver unpleasantly. “It’s-, it’s my favourite holiday.” “You are my wife now, living under my roof, and there will be no holiday cheer or infernal carols. Take it all down,” he snarled coldly before leaving the room with rapid steps, his boot-clad feet stomping harshly. But it’s Christmas… You thought while hugging yourself, staving off the hurt of him speaking so harshly to you. Dismissing you, your feelings, all of it with not so much as a chance for you to ask why. “I won’t let you take away Christmas,” you whispered to the empty room.

***

You woke up in the guest room, having neglected to sleep in your bed — next to your husband. You hadn’t done what he asked yesterday, all the decorations remained where you had put them, and as you made your way down to the drawing room you were met by the half-done Christmas tree. He’s not taking Christmas from me. I won’t allow it. Never had you gone against his wishes before, not since you married the man during the early summer of that very year. He had truly not asked anything extraordinary of you, though. Not many wishes to go against, truth be told.

You finished decorating the tree, placing all the gifts you had hidden away in the attic previously under its branches weighed down by far too many decorations. Had he not been so cold toward you, so disrespectful of your love of Christmas, you wouldn’t have gone all out. Now, well, now you did. The tree was nearly tacky in its sparkling, glittery, golden galore.

“There, last one,” you said and stood back to look at your work. “He can be a grump everywhere else, but I’m celebrating Christmas. No matter if he likes it or not.” “You ought not do such a thing, me lady,” came the voice of the maid. It startled you. “It’s Christmas, Miss Lowel. I’m going to celebrate it.” “Yes, me lady, but do not say I didn’t warn you.” “Warning heard, and ignored.” “You are most brave, me lady.” “What’s he going to do? Throw his wife out on the street?” you laughed at your own words, he was some sort of a gentleman after all. Miss Lowel, however, only lowered her eyes and left the room. Would he?

***

Richard never came home that evening. You sat in the drawing room, surrounded by the cosy decorations while reading a book in the warmth of the fireplace, when the clock struck ten. “Where is he?” you murmured and snapped your book shut. “Is he working late again?” You sighed and got up, heading toward the bathroom to clean up before it was time to sleep.

As you brushed your hair you wondered if you should sleep in your shared bedroom or take the guest room again. You decided on the latter, not wanting to share a bed with someone angry — your grandmother always said it was bad to share a bed with anger. She meant one should always talk and solve things before going to bed, but, same difference. You didn’t quite want to admit to the strange sensation of worry and longing that had begun to unfurl within you, doubts about whether you’d made the right choice slithered in as the night enveloped the world. You fell asleep nonetheless, half shivering under the heavy cover lacking your husband’s warmth.

“You disobey me,” Richard snarled and you jolted awake. Sitting upright with the cover pooling around your waist, your nightshirt did little to ward off the sudden chill of the cold room. “Richard?” you asked, half disoriented by the sudden awakening. He glared at you from beside the bed, with barely any light in the room his eyes looked like pits. “You disobey me, in my own house��,” he snarled and grabbed your upper arm, jerking you close with a too-firm grip.

Your heart jumped into a gallop within your chest, your body stiffening while your hand reached out to try and remove his fingers squeezing your biceps too harshly. “I told you to take it down ,” he seethed. “Richard, stop, you’re hurting me,” you whimpered while pushing at his hand. He bent forward, your noses nearly touching, and your breath seemed lodged in your throat. His harsh features appeared set in stone, his mouth barely a line with his lips so tightly sealed and his jaw clenched. He had never looked at you like that, pure anger and something far more dreadful creeping underneath it — something that pulled at your heart fiercely. 

“Take, it, down,” he said, nearly punching out each word. “N-no,” you whimpered, cinching your eyes shut. “I will not, it’s Christmas.” “It is my house,” he snarled and jerked at your arm, drawing a winching sound out of you. “It-, it’s mine too,” you whispered while tears began to roll down your cheeks. Fear, hurt and pain spurring the reaction you tried to quench. “You have nothing of yours,” he declared with frost in his thunderous roll of a voice. “ Nothing is yours.” “We share this marriage,” you said quietly, barely able to get the words out. “We share our life, and our home,” you continued and dared look up at him as he stood bent over you, each part of him seemingly held taunt. “Sharing,” he seethed, “is not what we do, wife . I own everything, including you.”

His hand released you with another jerk, forcing you to fall backwards while he straightened to his full, imposing height. Your heart ached and hammered, your cheeks wet with tears while your body quivered, your hands trembling. The way he spoke had fear streaking through your veins, your exchange with Miss Lowel still fresh in your mind — would he throw you out on the street over Christmas decorations? The hurt pushed hot anger through you, the fear like oil atop a fire.

“You do not own me,” you said, fisting your hand while glaring up at him. “I do not own you either. Marriage isn’t ownership, it’s sharing.” He smirked at you, but there was something devilish about it. Something dangerous. “Sharing?” he said. “In the same manner you thought to take all the freedom to remind me of the most horrendous of holidays? Sharing, as in taking the liberty to completely alter my one sanctuary without so much as a word with me beforehand? Sharing seems to be all, about, you,” he seethed while his hands fisted and his shoulders stiffened.

As he turned harder, colder, your heart ached and your shoulders slumped. Your bottom lip trembled, your tears flowed with more intensity as his words sank in, stabbing at you from all directions with the declaration of how selfish you had been. You had assumed he’d be happy, had assumed you could celebrate in a manner you saw fit, you even assumed he loved the holiday like all else did. It was Christmas, who didn’t love the most jolly of holidays?

Have I-, have I hurt him? The thought made your chest ache, for as you looked closer now that your eyes were more adjusted to the little light coming from the hallway you saw less of the anger he radiated and more of the hurt he was endeavouring to hide underneath it. You had, indeed, caused him emotional harm. It was written in his eyes as the dark pits turned to grey clouds. I hurt him…

“Richard, I’m—” “I shall return after Christmas.” “What?” “You shall have all your holiday cheer, wife , but none of me,” he snarled but the anger now sounded far more like pain. “Merry Christmas,” he continued with a seething sneer that just barely allowed the hurt to be heard, and then he stormed out of the room while you tried to grasp the fact he was leaving you until Christmas would be over, and it was only the fourth of December.

“Richard! Wait!” you called out, stumbling out of bed, your foot snagging on the cover, sending you plummeting into the lush carpet below with a thud and a hiss as your forehead slammed into the hard wood below while his footsteps receded down the stairs beyond the hallway. “Richard,” you said while scrambling to get up, “wait!”

…To Be Continued…

LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST

A/N: Uffh, such a cliffhanger there 👀 I'm trying to preserve my sanity so I'm not endeavouring to write 5k+ fics or the like each day - I hope you understand 🙈❤

I do think I'll be doing some short one-part fics too during this Rickmas but I'm taking it day by day so we'll see what happens - tomorrow I'll be continuing our Brandon story though! The prompt is perfect for it! 😍👏 Also, want to say an extra thank you to all who's shown they're here, reading my writing - it means so much and I'm really grateful ❤

Q: Do you tend to read more Christmas/winter stories during the holidays? (fanfiction or original works) A: I have never really followed the seasons in my reading beyond Rickmas - I'm a complete mood reader so it really doesn't matter what's going on around me, what I'm in the mood to read I'll read 😂

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[Dec:2023]

[tigerwolfproductions]

You’re challenged by Bookworm Becky!

Superheroine Wordgirl wants to battle!

My “as close as I can get to Pokemon” style is back! ... and just as confused as before.

Ah, the official Pokemon style. It changes with every generation, has confusing shading techniques in some gens, and I just kinda had to go with “the best I could manage” again XP (pretty proud of Bob’s tail flame though! That was tricky to do).

Moving on from my artist woes, it’s Becky and Bob Botsford and their secret identities of Wordgirl and Captain Huggyface! Been on a Wordgirl kick recently and since it came directly after a Pokemon kick, well, my brain inevitably crossed the two over. My brain also decided that it was enough of a masochist to want to take another crack at Pokemon style(ish), so here we are! I think the lineart has improved for the most part for human characters; I definitely felt more confident making Becky/Wordgirl! I actually based her off Shauna from XY... Not sure what urged me to do so, but I guess it worked so I ain’t complaining, haha.

Posing was actually tricky. I was originally going to put Becky in a bit more of a cutesy pose, but actually decided against it. She’s Becky Botsford, mild mannered ten year old. I figured, why not make the contrast between her and the Wordgirl pose all the more apparent? Ya know, put all her energy into the bold super-identity! So that I did, though I will say hands pointing at the screen is not a fav of mine to do at the moment, lol

As for Bob, I honestly didn’t really think of many difference there’d be between him and a regular Monferno, but I did add a couple of extra hair tufts to the back of his head. They’re there to represent the front hair tufts he has in the show :3 And of course he’s gotta be eating something, so I looked around and found a berry that would work for him. Not that he’d discriminate against most other berries, but I wanted one that made sense in some way, so a Shuca berry it was! They halve the damage from a super-effective ground-type attack, and have a “spicy-sweet-smooth” flavor chart and with Monferno being a fire type, I figured that spicy part worked out.

Speaking of, it actually took a moment of my time to brainstorm through what Pokemon to make Bob. It had to be a monkey, but what kind? First, there was the point of what type to make him, so I watched a few Wordgirl episodes and happened across a fight between him and Leslie and basically slapped my forehead because a doi- Fighting type for his ability to do Karate! So with that narrowed down, I tried to go through my memories for what monkey Pokemon were fighting types. Passiman came first, but they’re a bit too big for Bob to be. The Mankey line doesn’t quite fit in with his body type or nature, so I had to forgo that too. Then I remembered the fire-fighting starter monkey that made an obvious fit: Monferno! Which also works out because of course a ten year old would have a starter Pokemon as a main partner, and Monferno also shares the blue and red that Captain Huggyface’s uniform has.

Becky/Wordgirl wasn’t too hard to redesign outside of doing it in (the as close as I can get to) Pokemon style. The hardest part of Becky was the skirt thanks to shading, but I think I managed something decent. Second place actually goes to her book bag though. That main button was harder to nail down than I thought it’d be... As for the charms, I thought they could be a cute nod to two main things about her- the secret identity and her love of unicorns, which I figured would translate into a love of Ponyta/Rapidash in the Pokemon universe. Especially the Galarian forms, haha.

On the Wordgirl side, there was a bit more I decided to add. Most of it was dedicated to making her uniform feel a little bit more Pokemon-y, so I added some extra details to the boots and gloves then added pouches to her belt. The goggles were technically a part of that too, but also just because I like the idea of her one day adding them to her uniform (maybe one too many times of getting random goop in her eyes would make her consider it lol). I definitely like the results- I think it makes her look a bit like she’s wearing some sort of space hero outfit :D

As for what exactly this AU would entail, I’d like to think it wouldn’t change much from the main show. Becky lives in a city somewhere in Unova, living her daily life as a regular trainer that goes to a quaint little school with her partner Pokemon, Bob the Monferno (that’s totally normal to have as a starter in Unova; please ignore the part where she should have a Unovian starter). But in her secret double life, she takes on the odd supervillains in her city as Wordgirl, alien superheroine with a perfect vocabulary! But I do imagine Captain Huggyface would get to do more with his moveset of Ember, Close Combat, Mach Punch, and Focus Energy, (Becky unfortunately slacks a little on Pokemon training) as well as an appetite that rivals a Snorlax.

... Wow I rambled about my process. Well, thanks to anyone who read through it all; y’all have a nice day/evening!

[stinkigami]

my fav moments from recentish chapters for my own reference bc why not

91

>My friends...don't make such sad faces.

Even though I am living here and now with all of you,

If this sacrifice of mine paves the way for new history,

If these flames of mine can create a new life,

>Then I am ready for my fate.

>I've been collecting these stones because I thought they could be parts of my parent...

>But even though you might not be my real parent,

Once I get them all, I'll still give them back to you, Mukuro.

Because it is your body.

>This pregnant woman is dead...yet the child inside her is still alive.

>I've seen so many dead bodies by now...and yet never a body which still held the warmth of another's life...

>I can still save the child.

>And yet...

>What miserable life of loneliness awaits him, an undying child who has no parent by his side.

>Least I can do is give you a name...

>Since my name is Mukuro, a 'corpse'...you shall be called

>Kabane. [true meaning: dead body]

>Do you resent Akane, your aunt?

>While I was living in the village...I did think that auntie might have hated me. But looking back now...

>I think I can understand her feelings a little.

>The reason she was afraid of me...was because

>She was afraid something could happen to Yataro.

>She was determined to kill me because she wanted to protect what was important to her.

>Of course, this hurted me.

>But auntie wasn't in the wrong either...So I do not resent her.

92

>Our ancestor, Hachifuku Tasaburo the First, believed that despite all their differences and misunderstandings, kemono and humans still could co-exist, accepting each other as equals.

>As a Tasaburo of today,

>I am determined that the atrocities commited by Inari Yoko cannot be tolerated.

you can skip the kaido infodump

>The giant mamono sent after Kabane-san and his friends is mostly likely the work of Kaido, the minister of national security.

>I really dislike men like him...parading around in his suit, creating that uncanny fearsome image.

>I do not care about your opinion. State the facts.

>Ohhh! Ohhh! My master, I am so very sorry! Please, do not get mad at me!!

>Oh...Well!

>It seems like he often has some sort of 'secret talks' with Mikage, the minister of the mamono project.

>What are they talking about?

>Well...It's a little diffcult to explain...

>Minister Kaido is a fanatic of sorts, as they say? He's collecting lots of toy monsters from those monster movies he loves,

>And together with Mikage they are like children...obsessed with the idea of bringing these monsters to life.

>So to say...what they actually are doing is Kaido having his ape minions undergo mamono transformation,

>Creating real atrocities one after another.

>As of today, Kaido has successfully brainwashed his whole species into believing that their sole purpose in life is to become these 'monsters'...creating an army of pawns who don't feel any pain.

>It' him...

>I'm sure, this Kaido...

>...is the one trying to create the 'perfect mamono'.

>Perfect...?

>Meaning the one whose body wouldn't self-destruct.

>The ape kemono clan, 'shoujou', as I knew them

>were kemono who achieved their prosperity by firmly believing that 'violence is justice'. They valued the strength of their clan as a whole over their lives as individuals.

>And a thousand years ago, they were the ones who killed the most humans in the war.

>Therefore, I decided against them being among those fourteen who created the kemono stones.

>Even though as a clan they were truly superior.

>It is no wonder that Kaido has sided with Inari Yoko then.

>Birds of a feather, huh?

>They really match each other.

this one is only bc i wanna show thin calling himself handsome

>Back when we saw the raibow tides in Vietnam, I sent the pictures of the mamono corpse to my colleagues, asking 'Does anyone know what is this?'

>And Thin was the only one who didn't reply at all.

>That was so out of character for you, so I assumed that you must be in Japan.

>I wanted to reply right away~~~

>But I couldn't, because e-mails are checked by the government.

>But The Tanuki Express isn't! So I've been relying the mamono data we acquire to Doctor Thin.

>As for now, I'm but a random handsome doctor in Tokyo...there wasn't much I could do until now.

>But the mice are on our side now, right?

>That means I am free to work in my Kyoto lab while keeping it a secret~

>A secret..?

>The fact that it's possible to start the vaccine development.

>Oh!

>Right!

>If we have the vaccine, we could intentionally trigger the self-destruction of the mamono bodies...

>In that case, even if Kaido's plans go through, we at least will have some means to counter him.

>But...

>If an in-deep research could be possible...

>Then I'd like to eliminate the virus in a way that would not destroy those affected,

>But rather cure them.

>Just something I'd want to try...my personal wish.

>Geh?!

>What the hell?! Hitting on a guy already?!

Isn't he with his girlfriend?! Are you blind??

>Hey! Are you kidding me?! Have you got no shame?!

>Ah! Don't raise your voice at me!

>Huh? Who's raising voice now??

>Sorry, dude~ She's with me. She's just at that age when things get a little...

>Alright, let's use them! Go Go Tsubaki!

>Sigh...

>Oh...you know, we are heading for that farm too, in order to observe things.

>Even though we all are working for the government, sometimes there are some disagreements...so the higher-ups sent us there from Tokyo to check up on the farm.

>Umetaro-san sticks to moderate views within the government...

>He continues to work under Inari-sama in order to minimize possible casualties, like in this case.

>So, will you please join forces with us? I'm sure we have the same goal, even though we will be working differently.

>How is...Nobimaru-kun?

>Well...he's alive for now, I guess? Who knows how much longer he can keep it up though...

>Huh?! What do you mean? Aren't you friends? What happened between you two?!

>Huh? I wouldn't call us 'good friends'...And I do worry about him, okay!

>I do...worry...

>Huh?! What is that thing?!

>You've seen it before.

>Oh! You mean back when we attacked the mobster hideout?

>I didn't recognize! Didn't think your body would become like this!!

>Well...

>Neither did I.

>Does anyone else know about this?!

>I'm afraid Hoshikuma has sensed it, but remains quiet.

>Inari-sama is aware as well, but she doesn't care.

>What...She doesn't..?

>But did you not do this to yourself in order to please her...

>I guess he's ready for whatever awaits him later. That poor bastard realized there's nothing that can help him, and he is deaf to words.

>But still...You know,

>I don't wanna Nobimaru-san to die like this.

>I've seen people I know die and die again...I don't want to see anyone dying no more.

>Does that...include me, too?

>Of course!

>Friends or foes...I really don't want anyone to die.

>I've decided for myself that the best outcome would be for both sides to have less casualties if possible.

>I guess everyone's kinda outta their mind, huh?

>I get it!!

>Uwah!

>Umetaro-san! Aren't we alike?

>Huh?!

>I don't want you to die either! I'm glad we were able to meet again and talk. Let's do our best tomorrow!

>Oh...Akira-chan...

nice gag aimoto very funny (rolls eyes)

>Big Brother, you got it all wrong!!

>Seriously, we were just discussing our viewpoints and found something in common before tomorrow's mission...

>Right! Big Brother, Umetaro-san is a good person!

>Is that so. If it's about tomorrow, shouldn't all parties be involved?

>Yeah...You are right.

>Oh?

>>>hit 30 images

woah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

disclaimer i like to paraphrase a little but overall the meaning is like thsi

[hail-brod]

A Chance and Beyond (6)

Previous chapter: (Chapter 5)

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Loki x FReader

A/N: Yes, 2 weeks delay. Again. I guess that's gonna be my new sched if it gets too busy.

Listening to a Norwegian folk song made this even fun to write. Man, I love upbeat folk songs. (edit:) Just figured the song's about a man in love with a woman who's betrothed to another man (note at the end of chap). It fits sm for a certain god here ehem ehem—or just in general lmao. The coincidences in life mah man.

(Ok, this is honestly my fav chap.)

Please enjoy and tell me your thoughts! >&lt;

Warning/s: Light angst, drinking, being alcoholic to a viking level, mead, a bit of self deprecation?, mention of missing body part, nothing else probably (please tell me if I missed something!)

WC: 4.4k

Just some Viking activities at the edge of a cliff. Or like they say in Midgard, 'Let's parteyyy. Hit it, Freddie!'. In which you spin around like a record baby, right round, round, round.

When nightfall came, it didn't take long for everyone to start drinking as early as they can.

Instead of the usual drinking horn tankard, metal mugs clinked at each other, along with the merry cheers of wobbly ballads clashing in every chatter. Half an hour in when the sun had set down, there we're already drunk men dancing with their sons and daughters, mothers mingling with their husbands, and people gobbling down roasted meat. And on the center of it all stands the grand lit bonfire that sheltered light to the smiles of every person. You can hear the crackling and bursting flames joining the fun of your kin's roaring laughs, its shadows flickering like a raves' night befitting the dances of the other asgardians.

Just like you remembered when you we're in your early days in Vanaheim and your home-world, bonfire feasts are always a celebration never to be missed.

It almost feels like you've never truly left Asgard...

But of course, what is a night's feast without a pleasant conversation? Because when you sprung your eyes at a certain young prince being entertained by a woman offering him a mead—with a smile that you're consequently aware is intended to be suggestive, you've never felt so pleasant in your whole life.

No, you we're not glaring at the ground. No, you we're not burning a stare at the said woman. No, you we're not sulking on your wooden seat.

No, not at all.

You decided to just let yourself drown in the company of your mead, gulping it for ten straight seconds. That should do it, you think. not enough to do me in though. And in all honesty, you think of the truth. You we're never the first one to fall in in a drunken state; for as much as the people underestimate you at these things, they always lose when they challenge you so.

Maybe it runs in the family since, well, they we're almost as tolerant as you do.

But you honestly wish right now that you weren't.

You can see Loki giving out a pleasant laugh at the woman, mead weighing down on his hand as he mentioned something to her, making her shrug tentatively in a coy manner. You also soon noticed a few women eyeing Loki, both in hesitation and....desire?

Wait, what?

"Oh, mine brother! Finally, a flock of women ogling at him rather than me." Thor's voice pulls you out of your brief bewilderment as he made himself comfortable beside you. "You see, I knew he'd gain recognition amongst our people after that final battle in Asgard. I'm very proud I've proven him right, hah!"

Oh. "That's...good." you comment, trying not to let your displeasure lace out. "Does your people hate him, before all of this?"

"Hate, you say?" he says, eyes shifting to a light grimness. "My brother is many things and thus he makes many...'decisions'. Very various different ones. I wouldn't want to tell you that he was hated but, he had proven to our people that he should be. Alas, he has change their minds." he lifts up his mug over the form of his brother, who's now talking to a different woman, but you do notice his attention is placed on the singing men near the bonfire.

He has indeed.

Though, you let yourself deviate to something else now that you remembered. Some things are left to be asked later, such as, the voice in your room—well, if you ever find the chance, that is. Or if you'd even open up the courage to.

"Did...Did Loki actually vouch for me after the interrogation?" you asked.

Thor widened his eyes followed by a nervous laugh. "W-Whatever do you mean, my lady?"

"It's okay, I'm aware of your little 'spying'."

"Oh." he lets out, eyes darting back and forth between his brother and you. "Well, odd it was, but kind of him I guess. He may act stingy but there's a softness in there, and it seems like he's taken by you."

You raised a brow at that. "I doubt that. He looks rather keen on avoiding me." you say, though, the thought of him being taken by you feels a tad bit nice.

He eyes you in wonder. "Does that irk you?"

"What? Of course not. I'm- merely curious."

"Hmm," he hums, but you can almost mistake it for a scoff. "of course, curious. You know, I never got to ask you if you're somehow well acquainted with my brother in your....universe? Or was it timeline? Either of those."

You freeze, there's a sudden feeling of déjà vu. "What...makes you think that we are?"

"Ah, that my friend, that I can see." he answered. "It may not be my specialty but I can tell if someone is at least taken by someone."

Right, your mind echos. he has a flock of women over him. Your past self is certainly a proof of that.

Well, some things would've been actually different if he had learned your fascination towards him back in your Asgard. Actually, not some but everything. Because if he did, you would never be here. You would have never created that bloody Nexus event. You would have never learned about how much dominance time rules over countless of universes.

"No, because you we're meant to fall for Thor." the imposing judge towering in front of you says after stating your name. "Not his brother, not anyone. The moment you recognized your feelings on the wrong person, god, brother—whatever you call him—is when you're taken out of the equation. Pretty common mistakes of your variants, apparently. Don't force it, miss. It doesn't always end well for both you and..." she reads down on the file and mocked a smile at you. "...the 'Loki Laufeyson.'"

The past TVA made it sure to shove it on your own reality that you we're the problem for falling for the younger prince. Somehow, you're feeling sorry for doing so, for dooming your home. But you also truly don't want to regret it

You won't.

The TVA doesn't have the right to dictate that. Not anymore.

"Are you insinuating that I'm openly swooning over your brother?" you asked, playing along with him.

He laughs. "Bin-gow." you're quite sure its supposed to be 'bingo'. "I've first noticed you we're very tolerant of his antics, which many not do, so I guess I can assume."

"I'm certain I don't swoon when I'm being tolerant."

"Uh-uh. Maybe not, but don't jump just yet, my good lady." he swigs a drink from his mug. "I've never seen someone else so adoringly at eased when at the resoundingly mysterious presence of Loki other than me and- "

He stops.

You can't deny the growing fluster emanating within you when you catch his first few words, but his sudden halt confused you for awhile. His expression fades down, his mirthful smile daring to fall but it fights to keep it up. Though, you somehow feel that you know who he struggles to mention.

"The All-mother." you finish.

He flinched, eyes flying randomly at you and inhales. "Yeah." he sighs out a light chuckle. "You know your thing, my lady."

Your heart cracks.

Seeing him react that way at the subject of his mother, its inevitable to feel dread at what could've possibly happened. Just the absence of his father as the overlooking king is more than a proof of the tragic fates that have doomed Asgard. Queen Frigga was far from a stranger to you and you can proudly say that she became your second mother. Well, if you and Loki we're bound together purely from deeper sentiments, she would have been more of a close mother rather than formally your queen mother.

But you also can't imagine how that would've affected Loki.

You have much to learn in this reality. And, maybe its about time for you to let them know yours.

Even just by bits.

"Yes.... I've actually been quite acquainted with the queen herself." you humbly inform, smile tipping up. "Which I'm very lucky to have been."

"Hold on, so you are well acquainted with Loki. Well, not just him anymore but also the royal family?" he quirks his head to the side. "You're definitely not just a noble. Let me guess, a daughter in court."

You nodded.

At least he knows his princely court lessons.

"Hah! I knew it." he cheers, mug elevated high up. This caught a few eyes from the crowd which was also followed by their own cheers. Some asgardians flew their eyes over to you doing the same as you muster up a pleasant smile, an attempt at matching their jovial attitudes. Your mind wanders back to someone as you try to spot the area where you last saw him. Granted, he was still there, eyes intent on you.

And then immediately looked away with not so much of a reaction.

You certainly have your fill of mesmerizing cerulean eyes all over you today and you can't help but blush. And at the least, he wasn't handsomely giggling anymore with some woman or herds of them.

Beside you, Thor mutters something, and you catch your name. Odd it was how he managed to divert his attention on his own little world so fast."...I've surely heard that name before...where...Asgard...?"

He looks like he's partially drunk, but you know he isn't that easy to bring down. No doubt his random ramblings are just a product of nine or fourteen mugs full of mead; there's much more action than just slurring words when it comes to these gods.

The darkness clocks deeper into the dead of night and you had already downed your third round of mead. Honestly, your usual would be at six or seven before you would start to either cry or be overly social to anyone—of course, you prefer the latter. At this point, all you can feel is the faint pounding of your head and the lightweight of everything.

Feather. you think, describing. Featherful light. How very light.

You decided then and there, this would be the last round. You're very aware that your drunken state is resoundingly unsightly and you don't want that coming to life tonight. Or any night.

So as you downed your mug to the last drop, the distinct sounds of singing started to spread from another man to another. When you looked around, their chants start to gradually get louder, infectious smiles being thrown at anyone as their hands begin to clap along the beats with a bob of their heads. You yourself could not contain the jolliness they emitted as you meekly bounced your head along.

"Han leika med lente, han leika med list,"

This, of course, had awaken the presence beside you.

He jumped on his feet, mug still gripped tightly on his hand as he sang along and his other hand waving around to the tune. Just as the crown prince joined in, this boosted the morale of the other asgardians, adding more people to the high spirited singing. His eyes rest on you and he kept nodding to you, urging you to stand up and do the same.

How could you refuse?

When he had offered you his hand, you took it and stood up, finally letting yourself sing the familiar song.

"Han leika med lente, han leika med gny, Hei fagraste lindelauvi alle"

You clapped and jumped along them and laughed in joy, the pounding of your head replaced with the upbeat tune you clap unto. You also didn't waste a second drifting your eyes to Loki, who was actually gone in his spot.

Had he left? You know he's quite fond of festivities so why...

Only then did you see his form singing and clapping with the said flock of women...and men. You really have to tone your emotions down because he has every right to mingle with anyone. Your own personal feelings on the likeness of him is hardly something you should be bringing about now. Soon enough, your attention gets shifted when Thor took your hand, halting your claps as he leads you near the bonfire. You we're quite baffled, but when you realized a circle of asgardians we're forming around the flame, you know you're going to be very out of breath.

"I hope you aren't too drunk to do this." Thor grins at you, hands free of his mug and secured his hand on yours much fittingly. You feel your other hand being snatched the same way by one of the asgardians beside you as you all form in a wide circle.

"I'm more than awake and sober than you." you replied, grinning back with the anticipation of the dance, your adrenaline gradually going up.

"For de runerne de lyster han å vinne"

Little by little, you all move to your right, letting the circle turn in a loop. Another step and another one, the pace of your steps starts to move faster as you follow the rhythm of the song. The footwork of the certain dance begins to come naturally to you and everyone else, lifting it down and back at the moving steps to the side. One cue in the song indicates a twirl, so you turn and clap, and another clap, and so on.

"Men då steig trolli upp or djupaste sjø,"

You can't seem to think straight anymore as your laughter and giggles along the singing fogs your brain. Then comes a chant, and more clapping, and you don't know anymore.

Everything just started to feel natural.

"Og utvinner krafti av trollenes arm For de runerne de lyster han å vinne"

When the other asgardians outside of the circle started to join and slip inside, dancing; you almost didn't catch Thor leaving your side to enter the circle. And as you still moved along the loop, the said god reemerges from the jolly crowd, feet bouncing, and clutched at his side is his confused brother. It only happened in a second before you realized Thor had just threw his brother on his previous spot beside you, Loki's hand securely gripping your own through the revolving circle of people, not daring to let you trip with his sudden intrusion as he got swarmed into joining the loop.

You couldn't take your eyes off of him, and he couldn't even look away from you. As you we're kept being pulled to your sides, it was evident that he was also enjoying himself. He brings up the widest smirk at you and continues to sing with everyone else.

Oh, you we're not going to back down as well.

You squeezed his hand much more affectionately than you intended to, but fortunately he didn't whack it away; he tugs up a teasingly lofty smile and squeezed back.

You don't even know how to react anymore as you just distinctively felt the pulling of your heartstrings. You couldn't fight the widening smile on your lips any longer.

"Og utvinner krafti av trollenes arm For de runerne de lyster han å vinne"

The adrenaline of moving around and the constant claps to the beat, lungs catching the words to sing and the twirls between the loop of people, have had you all elevate for boldness as the beats starts to rapidly pace up; one step faster than the other and faster it goes, leaving you all lost in the moment of chanting breaths.

"Hei, hei, hei, hei, hei,

Hei!"

It goes higher and higher, constant and louder and as your voices reach the peak of the song, you're sent flying to Loki's side as soon as the circling loop of people broke off, tumbling to their sides with crazed smiles and cheers.

Though, as you tumbled beside Loki, heart ringing with laughters, his grip on your hand never left. You couldn't care much and your vision is clamped shut from all of the movement so you can't make much of anything. You we're panting hard and you know he is too—the very close distance between you has you hearing his pacing breaths. Suddenly, what made you open your eyes and look up to the said man was the dawning realization of why you feel so warmly secured.

Oh, he was holding you close, one hand snaked around your waist.

And don't even forget about how his other hand is pretty much locked with yours, as if letting you go would result in you being snatched away.

As you slowly wake up from your moment of daze, your eyes would not tear away from his own. His rising chest and yours synced like no other, and how dares he study you so intently with those gentle eyes, almost like a plea. The moment felt too long and too mesmerizing to break as your hand slowly curl further on his own, caressing.

Belonging. your heart screams between breaths. The shared look you had had you reminiscing a lot of things, a mixture of lifts and crashes dawning on your emotions. He himself contorts to a frown, taking in your conflicted demeanor—as well as your longing eyes.

I love you. you wanted to say, but you know that's bound to crush you, so you just reveled in the silence. The thought of not being able to say it clenches your heart, and you feel like tearing up.

But you resist. Contain it, woman. you order yourself. He's not even the Loki you know...

"I..." you start, wanting to get away.

But before you could gather yourself up once more, something catches Loki's eyes as he feels over your hand—he looks down confusingly. You realize his attention is directed on your hand once you felt the shift of his fingers on your own, specifically on a certain finger, one that's been severed and adorned with your golden ring.

You we're so out of it all until he breathes out his words, "You're married."

Your eyes snap to him, heart racing. He didn't waste a second catching your surprised stare. You don't know if the look he's giving you is concern or just curiousness. "N-No, I..." you stutter.

You we're not married yet—but will you ever be? Though, it seems like he believes otherwise.

"Don't." he sternly says. "Don't lie. I know that kind of ring anywhere and looking closely on it, it's a royal one."

You feel a lump in your throat as you try to swallow. It's only a matter of seconds before he's wondering which of the two princes in Asgard you we're bound with. "It is...yes. But no, I'm not married." you weakly say, feeling all of the adrenaline rushing out of you. "We never got to..." you hesitantly shrugged, trying to point out your unspoken words. "You could say I was whisked away by the TVA before it could even.... possibly happen."

You don't know what expression he's wearing but Loki seem to have caught on on your change of demeanor as your defeated form melts between his arm. You felt him stiff when he realized he hasn't distanced himself away from you, so he gently pulled his arm from your waist, leaving you to stand on your accord as you felt his other hand slipping away from yours.

Your heart longs even more.

Somehow, he had trusted his instincts once again to detect any lies as he accepted your words. "Would you have wanted that marriage?"

You fold your brows up to him, surveying his expression. But he's wearing that neutral mask again. You linger your words in your head, debating, lest you risk spilling any unnecessary sentiments. I would have love to. You open your mouth yet it closes again.

You can't do it.

"I don't know." you shake your head, letting your eyes wander away towards the mellow atmosphere that has become of your bonfire feast.

"Hmm."

That's all you heard from him before he followed your gaze. You both shared a moment of silence, relishing in in the calmness of the aftermath of the celebration. It felt comforting—somehow.

Each and everyone have settled down on the ground, either sprawled from exhaustion and the mead, or wobbling on their seats, leaning shoulder to shoulder with one another. You don't see Thor anywhere, but when you heard your name slipping out of Loki's lips—which you wish you could hear again—one bulky arm gathers you from behind, pushing you closely next to Loki.

Thor's voice imitates his brother, saying your name.

Honestly, you much prefer the former one saying it.

You realized Thor had also wrapped his brother on his other arm, encapsulating you both in a semihug. "I can't stop thinking how familiar your name is, my lady." he says, both you and Loki stiffing at his pull. But you also felt Loki tensing at his brother's words. "I don't know why. Granted, I've surely never met you before, nor anyone like you. Must have I just forgotten then?" he scrunches his face in thought.

"Given that you are an oaf, there's no doubt your depictions of reality are just nonsense." Loki says, narrowing his eyes on Thor.

"You wound me, brother."

You awkwardly witnessed their banter; though, you can't help but tug up a light smile. "I would be wounded as well if you just bore my name in your mind but not my face."

The God of Thunder chuckled. "My bad, my bad. Although truly, that's no fact. How could I ever not bear a fairly stunning maiden in my mind such as you?"

You we're flattered—though underneath that, you can't help but cringe. You really didn't meant for it to go that way.

And Loki doesn't seem too pleased about it. "Can you not do this in front of me?"

"Do what?" Thor asks.

"Just..." Loki tries to wriggle out of his brother's embrace as he breaks away from the two of you, dusting his shoulder off. He points his brother a glare. "Don't ever bring your flirting in front of me."

"What? I am not flirting. Or maybe, I have barged in on one?" Thor eyes you worryingly and flies it to Loki, cautiously untangling his arm around you.

You we're dumbfounded for a second before it processed in your mind.

"No." you and Loki uttered at the same time, exchanging glances.

"Definitely not."

"Yes, why would we do so?"

"Exactly. Nothing of the sort."

"Alright, alright. Calm down." Thor instructs, amused by your reactions. You we're quite glad he didn't press further. "Although admittedly, your name does ring a bell—and no, I am not drunk. I am rarely drunk." he says to you.

You nod, not doubting him. "But if you say such things about my name, then I guess it's rather possible that...you've probably met a variant of me."

When you think about it, it's weird. It also feels much more awry for you to be here. If there's another you in this universe, then you can certainly feel like you're upholding your self-accusations of being an imposter. You shiver.

"But I've never seen nor recognized you, ever." Thor says.

Even as though it had prickled something in you, you just shrug. "Well, variants don't always look like a duplicate of yourself." you mention, two certain variants come to mind. "In truth, even genders could be altered."

Thor lights up with interest. "My word, that's interesting and it actually makes much more sense."

Loki hasn't said anything. It was quite odd as you noticed he stood rigidly as he listened, hands clamped over in front of him—his stance shielded, almost like he's hiding something.

That's suspicious. you think.

Thor had gone into his mind, trying to recall something, albeit in a forceful manner. He narrowed and glared at a spot before it contorts into a smooth unfolding of realization.

"Actually- "

"Brother, why don't we let the lady tire her exhaustions out for tonight?" Loki cuts him off, letting him deceive you with his composed countenance. "It has been quite the feast."

You tread on his point, concealing your suspicions. "Then, where shall I stay?"

Thor recovers, leaving his unspoken thoughts. "Of course! You can stay on either of our tents tonight," you almost break your neck snapping your eyes on him as he continued. "since I asked not to start on the royal quarters unless our people have gotten their own. So, I hope a tent would suffice?"

"I don't mind a tent but, I would hate to intrude his royal highnesses' abode." you defend, baffled.

You soon noticed even Loki had given his brother an unapproving look. "Hang on, why am I included on that?"

"Oh, come on. Aren't you a prince? Wouldn't hurt to be a gentleman from time to time can it, brother?"

Loki hesitates to speak. "You..."

You try to diffuse. "I'm alright if it's alright for...either of you. Surely, that would also mean I am to sleep separately...?"

"Yes, yes." Thor confirms. "Do not fret, my lady. I will be sleeping somewhere else. Be it a couch or a wooden skiff, I do not mind."

That doesn't make you feel any less guilty for taking a prince's bed.

You we're about to retort but the raven haired god beat you to it. "You are terrible." he mutters, directing it at Thor. He then trails his eyes on you, soft cerulean ones touching your heart. "My tent is open for intrusions. Though, I do not take kindly to people with nosy skittering hands."

"Well, would you look at that." Thor preens. Loki shoots him a stern look.

"O- Of course..." you reply, quite baffled once again. "But, what about you?"

It takes him a while to respond. "You shan't bother knowing." he says, lifting up a feigned smile. "Besides, you won't be staying here long, will you?"

Somehow, you catch his point. And you're once again pierced with the dawning remembrance of your timely task. This will only be a single night of intrusion, nothing to fuss over; you are temporarily existing amongst them. It doesn't matter who you're mending a bond with, you're not supposed to be here.

And it almost sounds like he's intending to shut you out, and that cuts something deeper in you.

"You're right." you agree.

You've been enjoying yourself too much that you forgot you'll be leaving this all behind. Once again, just another memory to be stored in your mind.

You don't belong here.

Song inspired: 'Villeman Og Magnhild' (Villeman And Magnhild)

Previous chapter: (Chapter 5)

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

'A Chance and Beyond' taglist (you can ask/comment to be tagged!):

@oscarissac2099 @lcolumbia1988

Ko-fi?

[deltoidlover]

Looks like some shitty ship discussions have surfaced in hl fandom again, but I don't mean that here actually xd

I'd like to hear a little bit (or a lot) more about your fav kind of freehoun if you don't mind sharing! Maybe some pre & post rescas headcanons, idk any stuff you would like to tell, and if you want. No pressure

i'm actually really glad i got an ask like this, i have seen some shipping discourse bubbling back up and it's just. can we not? enjoy what you enjoy, at the end of the day none of this is canon unless valve says otherwise, no need for the infighting. anyway, prepare for a text wall with barely any grammar.

pre-rescas: -i like to think that gordon and barney met very soon after gordon was hired and they got along like a match to a flame (is that the saying?), like barney came along on gordon's first tour of the facility and maybe even got lunch with him. -since the majority of workers at black mesa are most likely 30+, barney was especially drawn to gordon (not only because he was kinda cute) since there was finally another young and seemingly down to earth guy around. -honestly my favourite trope is having barney pine after gordon and try to suppress his major crush on him. -it's kinda sad to say or really acknowledge, but back in the 2000's and early 90's, obv lgbtq+ matters were not as accepted, i mean being called 'gay' was like the worst insult imaginable at the time. because of this, i do think barney would be a little wary of his own gay thoughts, maybe even dislike himself a little because of it. eventually i'm sure he'd grow to accept that he is, in fact, gay. -when it comes to the two hooking up, i really, really like the idea of their relationship being kept hush hush. it's pretty hot ngl and i think it would be the most plausible for their situation. -personally i don't really think barney nor gordon would call eachother pet names, or really say 'i love you' without hesistance. i feel like they'd show their affection in different ways, for gordon he'd show his love through gift giving i think. like the occassional snack for a tired barney on the night shift, or a box of donuts if he's feeling generous. -gordon always makes up excuses for why barney has to visit his dorm room so often. one day it's a faulty tap in the bathroom, or the next a clogged airvent. people seem to believe him because his voice is so monotone.

post-rescase/hl2: -during the years where gordon is abscent, barney, for the most part, holds out on hope that he will come back. over time, as barney gets older and older and nothing seems to be changing but only getting worse, he grows more cynical. i think that maybe 5 or so years before gordon's return, barney had forced himself to settle on the idea that he was not coming back. -after taking gordon into his office, he doesn't outright hug him or ball his eyes out, but it's so so obvious that he's feeling a bunch of old bottled up emotions when gordon looks into his eyes. gordon probably does give him a hug though. -however on gordon's end, i feel like things at the start would be a little awkward. his feelings are as strong as they were back then, as it hasn't been 2 decades for him. -i like to think that around the time when gordon arrived at kleiner's lab, that's when gordon approaches barney about their past and they maybe rekindle things, just a little. like maybe a longing look or kiss on the cheek. -honestly there's not really much i can say about hl2 as barney's appearances are so brief. basically i just think that they'd use every moment they had whilst the other was around to get a little closer again, even if they're not outright smoochin' it up or anything. -HOWEVER, in my happy little half-life, barney arrives at white forest with a group of rebels and he spends a few days in bed all patched up and gordon frequently visits his room and maybe even sleeps there with him, it had been quite a while since they'd met up again, gordon honestly thought barney had been blown tf up after the citadel's explosion. -they basically just hang out A LOT in white forest and eventually one of them works up the courage to start their relationship up again. -i think the idea of them once again sneaking away from crowded areas of the WF base so they can have a little privacy together is pretty cute, like they did in black mesa. -and if we're gonna enter hl3 territory, i think gordon, eli and barney would all set out into the arctic to do combine project borealis mossman stuff, and then save alyx :) amazing writing.

i probably have a lot more ideas floating around in my head but i think this is more than enough lol thanks for the ask, this was fun to put together!

[buttl0rd]

Do you have any Stan headcanon??

i have a few!!!! stan's been one of my favs since season1 and i really love his character. i mostly adopt hcs from other people because i'm not very creative with them, but here are my thoughts

stan's questioned his gender since the cissy episode and he does a lot of experimenting with his gender expression and pronouns in his teens. he identifies as nonbinary but keeps using he/him pronouns and masc expression for a number of reasons (mostly because he finds it hard explaining to people), but when he's in a safe setting with other queer folks he feels more comfortable expressing his gender identity. kyle and wendy are his biggest supporters. cartman rips on him for it but ALWAYS used stan's preferred pronouns throughout his experimentation

stan is a bisexual DISASTER and finds everyone attractive. he's a flaming pussy though so he never scores. he's just like, [person] is super hot, and that's the end of it, he's already moved on. which brings me to my next hc,

his fucking commitment issues!!! stan has a crippling fear of long-term relationships, and this likely sprouted from his depression. he didn't see himself living past the age of 20 so he avoided committing to anything long-term. he most likely went to therapy for it and got a whole lot better. he committed to marrying kyle in the end. good for him

i hc stan as being a music production major or something in college. i like to think he dreams of having a world-famous rock band

we know he has addictive tendencies, it's part of his character. he's canonically seen drinking, smoking, hoarding and spending all the family's money on that mobile game. his addictions start ruining his life so the guys have an intervention and get him to rehab before he fucking dies. he gets better :) might relapse but dw about it

stan's been wildly in love with kyle since the dawn of time. he's always on his mind. the 'thinkin about kyle 24/7' type of love. he's so afraid of confessing to kyle to the point it makes him sick, his biggest fear is ruining their friendship. it's not until highschool kyle starts picking up on it and returning the feelings. there's no big confession, just a passionate and life-changing kiss on stan's bed after school one day. stan cries immediately afterwards because he's so happy

some extra lil silly things i hc:

he likes coffee, the goth kids got him hooked on it

he's cursed with a baby face, keeps any facial hair he can grow to make him look less like a little baby man

chubby.......

goes thru So Many phases of being vegetarian but always misses cheesed ourger and breaks his veggie streak whenever he gets sad

quarterback in highschool???

he's a real heavy sleeper. he snores and drools and tangles himself in blankets. kyle struggles to sleep in the same bed as him at first (light sleeper), but slowly gets used to it

he's kinda creeped out by cats. he's a dog person thru and thru

[heatwa-ves]

please explain your izuleo playlist with as much detail as you want im interestedddd

MIKIIII THANK YOU. okay here's my playlist and im gonna do a song by song breakdown... I'll try and keep it decently brief so this doesn't become one million words but we'll see. my playlist is vaguely chronological so it starts pre-checkmate!

astroboy- suggi

okay so this one is just straight up a leo song. you just have to listen to it it's literally about him "I raised my hands up real high, they called me stupid when I asked why we couldn't fly. am I too far ahead of my friends, or I am late?" hellooooo hello. hi. leo tsukinaga everyone!!!! right down to the moon/space theming

"oh, the rain, you're losing your flame, where'd the burn, the passion go? you run through the pain, you're losing your aim, and you feel like you alone missed the grow" LITERALLY about his breakdown post checkmate. uagh.

cheerleader- ashnikko

an izumi song!!! I don't have to explain anything here you get the vibes

brand new city- mitski

having to preface this by saying I do not listen to mitski this is the only song of hers I listen to and only because it makes me think of izumi so much I feel like throwing up.

"If I gave up on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive, I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die." yeah. izumi sena.

yoru ni kakeru- yoasobi

well I'm sure you know this song and the story behind it "the seduction of thanatos" I think it works very well about the izuleo dynamic around this time when they're very codependent and leo is so severely depressed and suicidal. they're fucked up 👍

it's all so incredibly loud- glass animals

so this one makes me think of izumi going to see leo in a similar vein to lionheart but probably before that and he sees leo so broken and neither of them can bring themselves to say anything. "I tried, for you and I, for too hard, for too long" makes me think of the ending scene of lionheart and so on

softcore- the neighborhood

"you've been my muse for a long time, you get me through every dark night. I'm always gone, out on the go, I'm on the run and you're home alone"

"every time I kiss you, baby, I can hear the sound of breaking down"

you get it. you see the vision. more depression era stuff.

less of you- keshi

depression era leo... there's so many lines in this song that correlate to them but a fav is "too much time in the limelight, gimme your all on the land line, want it so bad but I won't lie and it just gets worse in the night time."

are you happy? - shy martin

"and I know I thought that pain's part of love, but I think I broke you, though I didn't mean to. but are you happy, looking back at us when you met me? would you go back and tell yourself to leave it, knowing what we know?" UARFGHBHBB izumi.... who killed cock robin ass song.

from now on we are enemies - fall out boy

I've talked about this one EXTENSIVELY before but it really is just a song about leo tsukinaga. what else can I say.

always- keshi

well yk.

bad thoughts- half alive

i love when they hate eachother. they don't actually truly hate eachother but man sometimes it feels like it. everything hurts. "like a time you gave your all but just got hurt, like a crack in the mirror bringing out your worst"

to everyone who wants to die- takayan

read the translation oh my goddddd. leo. leo

sing to me- missio

this is a song I DREAM of making an animatic to its just so deeply fundamentally leo

never ending song- conan gray

okay this one is a bit more specific but I like to think of leo while he's out of school seeing izumi in a magazine or an ad or something.. and that brings with it a whole ton of complicated feelings

"but we've grown too close, now it can't amount to nothing. I can hear your voice in the music on the radio, and it goes on and on and on, like a never-ending song" you get ittttt

bodybag- chloe moriondo

more of the vibes more of the complicated feelings . this one is mostly here bc I love it and was thinking about izlo while listening icl. unrelated but chloe moriondo is cool as hell they have some awesome music videos especially the one for this song

love or the lack thereof - isaac dunbar

the epitome of pre/early ! izlo love. to meeee also I just love love loveeee it as a song

last minute - kitty

"you're the loop of rope I hung up in my stupid closet" "you're all poised and im made of poison" do you get it do you GET it. it's leo about izumi frfrfrrr

"could you wrap your hands all the way around my neck, and tell me where I stand, tell me everything I'm wrecking when I spin. take over my breath, in out in, I am missing you to death"

android girl- deco*27

I love this song and while I love the original im partial to rachies english cover especially the lines

"we restart and fall apart together, what we have will drag on in this way forever"

"make it stop, make it stop there's so much guilt and regret, I don't get how I can forget and start to hope again, we haven't even come to the end, so much for promising together forever, we aren't even friends"

the girl in my memories- jeebanoff

"in place of your fleeing love, only my sad solitude remains, even though that time won't come again, the memories that are gone, are forever" more depression yaaay

achilles come down- gang of youths

SORRY it's just such a compelling look at depression and being suicidal... so many of these songs are about Leo's depression but I swear this part of the playlist is over soon and moves further in the timeline. I really love this song it's just... everything about it... leo is achilles here of course and the voices talking him down and telling him to go through with it are his family/izumi and his own mind/the students from school respectively.

calender girl- stars

"all of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day. december is darkest, in june there's the light, but this empty bedroom won't make anything right, while out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home, who waits up for me all through the night- calendar girl who's in love with the world, stay alive"

HEALING!!!!! GROWING AS A PERSON!!!!!! OVERCOMING DEPRESSION!!!! DO YOU GET IT

"I dreamed I was dying, as I so often do, and when I awoke I was sure it was true. I ran to the window, threw my head to the sky, and said "whoever is up there, please don't let me die," but I can't live forever, I can't always be, one day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea"

crush of judgement- knights killers

i don't need to explain this one

move me- half alive

THE izuleo song THE reason I made this playlist. won't you be my song when I cant dance WON'T YOU BE MY SONG WHEN I CANT DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! LIGHT MY FIRE BURN THE TREES!!!!!!!!! also watch the music video it's gorgeous

the third heart- harumaki gohan

first of all go play genei ap rn it's a short mobile game created by this artist featuring lots of their songs about a reserved girl who loves music and her more extroverted friend who asks her for song recs. it's a very izuleo vibes game and just a beautiful game in general I think you'll love it sm mikiii

second of all.... just. this song. play the game and watch the music video for the full impact frfr 🫶 anyway back to izuleo

back around- half alive

depression never truly leaves but you get better!! it gets better!!! there are bad days but there are so so many good days!!! this whole album is kinda izlo vibes

you get me so high- the neighborhood

"you're my best friend I'll love you forever" 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 makes me think of them... kind of talking about their past .... not very well because they have no emotional maturity but still.

silent oath- knights

for obvious reasons

reunion- harumaki gohan

I imagine this is after the end of ! era .. they've both grown and matured immensely as people.. it'd probably have more impact if I read requiem but um..... I'll get to it... (I've been saying this for a year and a half) to me it's a goodbye to their teenage years and the ups and downs and them moving forward into adulthood and a more stable relationship

don't be so hard on your own beauty- yeule

they help eachother heal 🥹. this one is a bitttt more reliant on some of my takes on izumi that I don't really wanna get into rn but yk. it's here. it's vibey. things were bad and now they are better. there's sunlight streaming though their apartment window. they don't have anywhere else to be this morning. yk.

work of art- downer Inc, kellin quinn

ueeeghhvhb they love eachother.... izumi brings leo inspiration.... these descriptions are getting less and less coherent

I swear ill never leave again - keshi

ueeeeueueueuehhhehhehhehuuueueue

infinitely ordinary- the wrecks

I like the romance of mundanity.. I think they could be happy.. it's very hopeful and a good ending to the playlist

[skitskatdacat63]

The thing about mentioning that you are disappointed because wanderer got changed to blue and anemo is so incredibly real and understandable. I literally had the same experience, so down bad and all and I was eager to get wanderer but now that I have him it just doesn't hit that hard idk. They should have kept the black and red it suited him so much. I can understand that a part of his lore and character is to heal and move on and change but why do all anemo characters have to be so blueish and stuff? Why couldn't the purple, red, black etc. stay? He looked so good with it and he still does but why can't Hoyoverse step out of that zone for once and color things different. Why can't there be a character who is anemo but can still dress more dark YK? 😭 Or even make the elements different. Like red electro or blue flames. Where is the creativity c'mon now :(

Exactlyyyyyyyyy!!! Like why hype up a character for so long, showing little glimpses, getting people excited, only to change his design :( It makes me annoyed to think about because there was soooo much speculation back in the day abt what element he'd be and so much "omg his design is so sick!! I want him so bad" only for him to be...blue. But yeah I totally agree, I usually don't mind their color coding but it sucks in this case specifically bcs his original colors were so beautiful and unique. Though speaking with color, ah at least we have Miko in red/white/pink, I'm very pleased with that! I think if they're gonna pick an element for him that's different than everyone guessed, idk why they have to make it so obvious. Like is it not more interesting for him to be so unassuming? Also I love his old name and titles sob sob, I can't get into "Wanderer" or "Hat Guy" at all.

I guess for me specifically, Unreconciled Stars holds such a special place in my heart as the first ever event. Tthe amount of mystery and hype around Scaramouche was so fascinating to me, cause he was the first of his kind, a character being teased who we wouldn't see again nor get for literal years. I remember rewatching this scene over and over again, trying to get the most I could out of a limited character y'know, it felt very special. He felt so intimindating and cool, the first Harbinger we got to see outside of the only two we knew. And back then, I was like WHEN HE COMES OUT, I'M WHALING!!!! But I wasn't really playing it around the time he appeared in Sumeru, so I was so aggrieved seeing he was finally released, but completely different! I missed the train y'know lmao, I just don't care for his current state at all, bcs as I said, I can't help but be stuck in my 2020 perception of him. It's just very nostalgic for me. Which is why I still call him Scaramouche lol. I know a lot of people like his chara development a lot and think it's interesting, but yeah, I wasn't around for it when it was the big thing so I can't get into it, because for me, it feels like getting swindled. I really love the Fatui and their designs, like one of my fav aspects of the game, so for him to not be that anymore makes me disinterested.

Also here is the only screenshot I have of him from back then LOL, if it was now, I would've taken a million