#i find that EXTREMELY FUCKING FUNNY as a trans guy who could care less about surgeries really

[kerosene-saint]

reblogging this reblog to show how stupid it sounds :]

[floatingcatacombs]

Evaluting Gatchaman Crowds Through Rui’s Outfits

12 Days of Aniblogging 2020, Day 1

Oh, I’m fashionably late to this one. Gatchaman Crowds is a 2013 superhero anime that serves as a soft reboot of the old tokusatsu franchise, only now with 21st century shitty anime tropes. From this painfully generic setup emerges a surprisingly layered evaluation of technological disruption in the smartphone era. For this reason, Crowds is a favorite amongst anime bloggers as a superhero work that’s actually trying to do something interesting.

Unfortunately I don’t care about any of these guys

But it’s also a favorite amongst all sorts of weirdos because of the character Rui Ninomiya. A horrifying amalgamation of the technolibertarian CEO and trans femme hacker archetypes, Rui is by far the most interesting character in the show, because they’re a surprisingly prescient look at how the tech industry will function throughout the 2010s. But they’re also a ‘boy’ who never leaves their house without dressing in the most girly clothes imaginable. Predictably, this is catnip for me. But the funniest part of the whole situation is that nobody ever addresses it. Rui never provides an explanation for their outfits and the rest of the cast just uses she/her until they properly get acquainted and switch to he/him.

I could tell you that Rui’s obviously trans and wrap up the post right there, but that’s honestly not the most interesting angle of attack here. So I’m just going to use whatever pronouns I feel like in the moment for them and focus on what really matters: fashion! Rui has a surprisingly large wardrobe throughout the show, so I’ll be doing the heavy lifting of ranking each of her outfits. Oh, and also maybe a little analysis of what she represents. Spoilers for the whole show, of course.

7. The Yellow Dress

Let me lay out Rui’s ideology before I lay into their fashion disaster. You see, they’re a tech disruptor who believes that governments and bureaucracies are too slow to achieve the monumental (yet unspecified) change that society needs. So, they preside over a smartphone app called GALAX that successfully predicts Pokemon Go’s geosocial AR gimmick three years early. GALAX is a technolibertarian’s wet dream – crowdsourced emergency response, interest-based meetups, and matchmaking for people who need specific help and the people who can help them, all deeply gamified.

Their outfit here is about as messy as their politics, but at the same time, what a look. She’s got blue-and-white-striped programming thigh highs on under her combat boots, which are both such trans iconography, you know? While they may just be a reflection of early-2010s 4chan crossdressing culture, it’s also totally possible that Rui directly influenced or reinforced trans girl fashion, like the accelerationist she is. What a prescient show, in all sorts of weird ways.

6. Lace-up Dress with Bunny Ears

It wouldn’t be an anime girl cosplay without some bunny ears, now would it? Rui spends 5 minutes in an early episode just wandering around the city in this outfit, listening to people’s conversations and feelings on GALAX. There’s something very funny about how nobody even notices them, like they’re completely invisible despite their ridiculous outfit. This actually factors back into the tech stuff! Like pretty much every tech company, Rui’s app and vision are both sleek and shiny but rely on tremendous amounts of dirty labor kept as hidden as possible. From Amazon’s inhumane warehouse conditions to Facebook’s trauma-inducing moderator farms to Apple’s child labor-tainted supply chains, there’s always suffering humans behind the too-good-to-be-true magic of tech companies. Rui’s lie by omission is failing to mention that the app relies on invisible extradimensional beings called CROWDS that are manually controlled by underpaid workers to assist its users. One of the workers comes to Rui challenging their vision and arguing that they should be sharing this tech with the movers and shakers of the world, not trying to keep it invisible. He threatens a collective walkout and Rui fires him. At this point, we’re not even operating on metaphors.

5. Green Business Casual

Sure, most tech companies have cruel labor underbellies, but there’s also the separate risk of moral rot. It’s what causes Microsoft to take on ICE contracts and Google to develop censored versions of their search engine at the whims of authoritarians. Many tech companies start off with an altruistic message, but without a serious ethical core, they will start doing a whole lot of evil as they bend to financial and other pressures. Rui’s version of this is extremely literal: she made a deal with the devil to gain the ability to use the CROWDS and launch her app. Except this devil is also a butch gender-noncomforming alien (there is a Lot of other gender going on in this show that I don’t even have time for) and the two of them seem to have an extremely fucked-up relationship. Like any good Faustian bargain or any bad attempt at raising more venture capital without a viable business model, eventually the whole thing comes tumbling down and now you’re doing something terribly fucked up. Rui looks good in a dress shirt, at least!

4. Whatever your abusive partner puts on when she body-snatches you

Of course the center won’t hold, GALAX is subject to a hostile takeover, and to nobody’s surprise, an app with the flimsy promise to change the world for the better can actually be way better at ripping it all apart. I guess the prescient social media parallel here is Facebook being used to propagate Myanmar’s ethnic cleansing, or really anything related to Twitter for the last 5 years. FuckedUpAlienMimic!Rui sure does have cute fangs and a way more refined fashion sense though. I don’t feel like looking into that one.

3. Business....Futch?

I know I’m not done outlining Rui’s arc, but I’m going to skip ahead for a moment to say that Gatchaman Crowds also has a second season! I’m largely ignoring it here because Rui is pretty much stripped of all plot relevance and most of her outfits are less exciting, but I had to include this one. For two episodes, she puts on bright yellow stirrup leggings and an oversized polo shirt, with a cute ponytail to boot. It’s a ridiculous look, but still feels really evocative to me. Sometimes a girl just has to put together completely uncoordinated outfits and see what happens.

Unlike the disruption-focused first season, Gatchaman Crowds season two, which aired in 2015, is about how unfettered technolibertarianism can easily descend into fascism. Goddammit.

2. The Bunny Ears Outfit Again Oh God Who Hurt Her

The weight of the world comes crashing down in Rui’s hands, she’s bruised and beaten in a surprisingly sadistic manner by her alien ex-business partner/girlfriend, and she’s locked out of her own company which is very quickly causing society to fall apart. So what does she do? She puts the bunny dress back on, and wanders the streets again until she has to call upon the powers that be to fix her own mess. It’s silly that the powers that be in this world are superheroes, but I bet you forgot that this was technically a superhero show at this point. Anyways, my extended metaphor is quickly drifting off course, but I guess this is the part where Rui gets grilled by Congress and slapped with an antitrust case.

1. Every Trans Girl Stereotype Rolled Into One

I’ve been incredibly harsh on Rui throughout this writeup, because I’m harsh on the industry she represents, but I’ll make it up with this section. Look at what she’s wearing! A choker, the gothiest Hot Topic dress imaginable, arm warmers, no less than three asymmetric garters not even holding up anything, and the tallest black boots she could find. It’s incredible! If the first outfit on this list was hinting at her relationship to stereotypical trans fashion, then this outfit just screams it. It’s the perfect goth femme hacker look, a style commitment I have no choice but to respect.

Gatchaman is a weird show. After spending most of its runtime thoroughly dunking on tech disruptors for being too optimistic and uncritical, it takes a last-minute turn into Lockean state of nature arguments. It settles on “the masses are inherently good enough that empowering people through technology shouldn’t ever be a problem”, ignoring all the suffering that happened due to Rui’s unwillingness to curate their own technology. I’d give Gatchaman Crowds an average rating, but it’s one of those interesting average ratings where instead of being milquetoast, they tried something and failed and wrote themselves into a corner. But hey, at least there’s an interestingly gendered character!

[sevicia]

^ the Thang. As u can see it's really rough still and that is because I am God's most indecisive soldier yes this constantly brings me great pain... like the amount of time I spent on her leg and also the strand of hair that doesn't fall on her arm is craaazyyy

There's like an entire story thing I made up along the way too which is funny cause 1st this was gonna be one of my new OCs then I thought of the TV girl from R1999 then I just went w/ said OC's looks but not personality/story and didn't know what to put on the TV and bc I kinda have Crash 1973 disease on my brain RN I thought of a car crash but I didn't really know what to put around her then so I just thought "Well I can just draw her room and do whatever with the TV afterwards."

Basically she was taking a break from art school after someone close to her died (IDK about that yet) and during that time she found out about this one guy that writes extreme horror and got really really into his books. & then a few months pass and she's still living more or less normally until this guy starts getting just like BLASTED from all sides cause someone went & fucking murdered another person to recreate a scene from one of his stories. And everyone's going crazy cause honestly what the HELL ... ? cause it's not like extreme horror as a literary genre has a HUUUGE audience when compared to other kinds of books & you never rly think someone's gonna dip another person in acid just cause YOU went "what if my character dipped someone in acid" (not actually what happened but ykwim) but yah he's getting the brunt of it.

It doesn't help that he's also kiiiind of a massive cunt like he just does NOT know how to pick a struggle. And Mary (temptative name will discuss) who really really likes this guy's writing starts keeping tabs on everything cause previously the only thing she could find was like, his name and age, so this whole thing's really making it easier for her to know more about him.

After that 1st murder a few more start happening & eventually writer guy is on The News having to say shit like "I don't know what's wrong with these people I am just writing words" but AGAIN he's rude and impulsive as all hell so it NEVER looks good for him.

The effect all of this has on Mary is really disruptive to her normal life routine/style like she becomes even more obsessed with him and with trying to find everything he's ever written, she's so fixated on this whole thing that she's not taking care of herself and has forgotten to do all the necessary registrations & emails & documents & other such things to reincorporate herself into the 2nd semester of school. She doesn't answer phone calls from her parents anymore and pretends to not be home when they come by, even after they threaten to stop paying her rent (really out of genuine worry).

The actual like, "main" story has the writer guy as its protagonist trying to figure out why people have started recreating HIS stories in particular out of anybody else's. He eventually meets Mary and she's kind of a sidekick I think. But idrc about him RN cause he's kind of a loser if I am to be honest with you my liege....

Also that mannequin bust thing has a picture of him taped to its head. Mary stole the mannequin from the fashion design department's workshop rooms (I was gonna call em labs LOL I forgor) and only managed to get a female torso so she went "Well he's a guy and he doesn't have boobs... hmmm..." and then she carved out the mannequin's boobs #GENIUS. And I am seriously considering making the loser guy trans JUST so there's a moment of him telling Mary he's trans and her muttering under her breath "FUCK I wasted a perfectly good mannequin..." and he's like "Did you say something??" cause they're like covered in blood or whatever and Mary just goes "Oh nothing ^w^" . W PERVERT WOMEN

I will really go three whole months barely ever opening Procreate and only ever scribbling on my sketchbooks and then my brain's like Hey what if we tried drawing something :]? and then I stumble out of bed nearly 7 hrs later covered in blood... and the drawing isn't even halfway done and I only stopped cause my pen ran outta battery

[arofili]

saved post, ignore this

(don’t reblog this)

Smut4Smut Prompts

I didn’t intend to write an actual letter, I just wanted to paste my prompts into the description box for this exchange, but then I got long-winded (as usual) so here are the prompts that were too long for AO3 to handle! If the prompts did fit into the box they’re not going to be here, and I am not restating my DNWs/Likes/etc; that’s all readily available in my AO3 signup.

~~~

Canon Russingon Prompts

(These are optional - if you have a different idea, go for it!)

This is my “Russingon in canon” request, though if you’ve got a canon divergence AU, be my guest.

BDSM - A doms B into being nicer to/taking better care of themself: This just screams Russingon to me. Maedhros asking for Fingon to be cruel to him and Fingon using kindness as the greatest cruelty because Maedhros hates himself so much...

Character Bottoms Who Normally Tops, Character Tops Who Normally Bottoms, Role Reversal: I’m a sucker for role reversal, especially with these two. I lean toward Maedhros bottoming more often than not, but however you prefer their dynamic is completely fine.

Can't Stop Thinking About It - A Accidentally Sees B Naked, Can't Stop Thinking About It - A Hears B Masturbating and Moaning A's Name: I think I’ve written both of these scenarios for these two but I would LOVE to read another take on them! Mutual pining in Valinor? :)

Characters mutually pining finally get together and have amazing sex, Filthy Sex With Feelings,: I just love this in general, and Russingon having filthy but extremely loving sex is my very favorite thing <3

Characters Experiment With Sexy New Ways To Use Detachable Body Parts: Maedhros’ prosthetic. Enough said.

Characters React To In-Universe Smut Written About Them: Listen, someone has GOT to have written some Russingon smut in-canon, that’s just statistically likely. The sillier and less accurate it is, the better, especially if it’s countered with them having the kind of sex they prefer in...protest? Or maybe trying out some of the dumb things, lol.

Cock Slut, Slut Praising: bottom!Maedhros tbh.

Crown kink, Fealty, Throne Sex: The “Fealty Kink” tag is literally half Silm fics, and half of those are Russingon fics. Add some more?

Dom/sub - not 24/7 but reflecting RL power roles: Very much related to the above. Liege/vassal kink? Yes please!

Domesticity - Sex In Bed Before Sleep: Just. Soft married Russingon. ;-;

Devotion: THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND WOULD (AND DO) DIE FOR EACH OTHER. AHHH.

First Time: I am SUCH a sucker for first times. Could be their first time together at all, or their first time doing a specific sexual act, or their first time in a certain situation (post-Angband, post-rebirth, etc...)

Getting Together: Another thing I really really love in almost any form, especially if there’s been mutual pining before this.

Fluff and Smut: Russingon just loving each other SO DAMN MUCH...bonus points if there’s some baby Gil-galad fluff involved before/after the sexytimes?

Hurt/Comfort Sex: Their lives are so depressing that there’s so many times this could apply. Right before Formenos? Right after the Darkening or the First Kinslaying? Post-Angband/Ice? Post-Bragollach? Or any other time things get angsty (aka all of canon)?

Magic - using telepathy to cause other person to orgasm: Soul bonds. Dom Fingon. Yes please.

Morning After (Incredible Sex the night before): Fluffy good times. Maybe after their first time, back in Valinor?

Mutual Masturbation With Intent to Watch Each Other in Lieu of First Time Sex: Another fic I have definitely written before but would LOVE to see again! This would make the most sense in a LaCE context, I think.

Mutual Pining: I’ve mentioned this a billion times already, you get the idea.

Praise Kink: Maedhros has a praise kink, that’s just canon. This can be fun and slightly embarrassing in Valinor...or really intensely emotional post Angband. Or post-rebirth...oof.

Pregnancy - Sex to Conceive Heir: Just where DID Gil-galad come from, hmmm? (Trans mpreg is wonderful; I’m not interested in cis mpreg. Either one of them could be trans, I enjoy both.)

Reunion Sex: They’re basically in an LDR in Beleriand, give me some Fingon visiting Himring or Maedhros visiting Dor-lómin and just how horny and desperate they are for each other after being separated for awhile.

Scar Worship: Finno post-Angband finding Mae’s scars Extremely Sexy?

Secret relationship between members of feuding families: This is literally just canon. Lean into the Romeo and Juliet style Valinor shenanigans!

Sex After Taking Revenge on Someone Who Wronged Their Partner: Husbands who murder orcs together and then fuck while still all nasty from battle :)))

Sex Toys - Character Fucks Themselves on a Dildo While Performing Oral Sex: I just think Mae giving Finno a blowjob and fucking himself at the same time would be really hot, okay?

Size - Size Difference: I do love bottom!Maedhros, but I also love size queen!Fingon, and I think they both really enjoy the size difference :))

thank god you're/we're alive sex: I bet this happened SO many times after battles in Beleriand. This could also apply to right after the Darkening, and would be just HEARTRENDING right after the First Kinslaying...

Soul Bond - Sharing Physical Pleasure Through Soul Bond: I am very fond of this trope! Also like. Them feeling how much they are loved through each other’s eyes. Ahhh. But also like, Mae getting off on how good he’s making Finno feel. Or vice versa.

Character A hurts Character B (at their request) during sex but Character A immediately regrets it, Character Thinks Rescue Has a Price Tag, Sex gets paused to deal with PTSD then maybe returned to, panic attack during sex: These are some angstier options! I would love a fluffy/happy story (or a hurt/comfort story) but if you wanted to go a bit darker route here’s some ideas. Just. Post-Angband Mae with no self worth and/or consent issues, Finno having a hard time dealing with Mae being masochistic, Mae flashing back to Angband...all of these are some really juicy ideas.

~~~

Modern Russingon Prompts

(These are optional - if you have a different idea, go for it!)

This is my “Modern AU Russingon” request - though if you see a tag here that you think could be applied to canon, that would be awesome too.

Trans Male Character: Lots of these tags would have at least one of them being trans, which I’m also super happy to see in canon-compliant fic, but I know for me it feels a bit easier to me to write about trans stuff when I don’t have to worry about terminology not fitting the setting, so I put them here.

Cunnilingus to relieve period cramps, PiV With Trans Male Character, Sex Toys - Character Fucks Themselves on a Dildo While Performing Oral Sex, Sex Toys - Giving a Blowjob to a Dildo or Strap-on, Sex Toys - Strap-On: Just all some very excellent stuff if you want to go the trans route. I imagine the strap game would be next level with these two.

Characters mutually pining finally get together and have amazing sex, Filthy Sex With Feelings, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Morning After (Incredible Sex the night before), Mutual Pining, Praise Kink, Size - Size Difference: I requested all these tags for the canon prompt too, this is just the same stuff but modern, where they get to be dorky about how much they’re in love, minus most of the angst.

Character with Low Self-Esteem has Self-Worth Affirmed Through Tender Sex: ...but not minus ALL the angst. Just. Mae having had bad experiences in previous relationships and Finno being extremely tender and loving to him, AHHHH.

Getting off on how much partner trusts them: And this could be the other side of the previous request - Mae is trusting Finno even after all the bad stuff he went through and that’s very sexy to him.

Good Boy/Good Girl Kink: This could apply in canon too but if you want to do the trans thing, it could also be a gender affirmation thing.

Impact - Friendly ass slap unexpectedly turns character on: Mae is mortified that he’s into spanking, Finno is delighted.

romantic sex: This didn’t fit into the previous request but YES PLEASE. Just. They love each other SO much.

~~~

Russurgon Prompts

(These are optional - if you have a different idea, go for it!)

OKAY wow I love this ship, it’s so incredibly fucked up and angsty, hell yeah. This is one request where you really don’t need to bother with anything fluffy or a happy-ish ending, just go full on angst mode, please! Basically, I just think it would be very fun and horrible if Mae seduced Turgon for political reasons post-Nírnaeth when they’re both grieving Fingon :)))))

Character Bottoms Who Normally Tops: I can see Turgon having a hangup about bottoming...which Mae is fine with but one day they get into a Very bad argument and Mae like, puts Turno in his place. (No non-con though. Dub-con would be okay here.)

Characters about to kill each other decide to fuck instead: Kinslaying averted by sex!

Dirty Talk - Character A Gets Off on B Relaying Their Sexual Exploits: Just. Mae growling in Turno’s ear all the filthy things he would do with Fingon and Turgon HATING it and especially hating how hot it is.

Enemies to enemies who fuck, Enemies With Benefits, Frenemies with Benefits, sex between enemies, Sex between rivals: Basically all the same thing. These guys do NOT like each other but they’re fucking anyway.

Fucked with the hilt of a weapon: Look idk man just. Turgon being really mean to Maedhros after a post-battle argument or something?

Grudging/Horrified One-Sided Attraction To Someone Who Annoys You Deeply: I think this would be funny if Turgon realized he was into Mae (honestly, at any point in time, not just post-Nirn?) and that maybe the reason he was so mad about Fingon dating Mae is because he was jealous...lmaooo

Hate Sex Turns Unexpectedly Tender: Like. A moment of understanding between them. That they both refuse to talk about after it happens.

lord/retainer, Political Alliance Confirmed with Sex, Political Debate as Foreplay, Sex as a Negotiation Tactic, Sex As Part Of Diplomatic Negotiations: POLITICAL SEX. It’s showing that they’re serious about this alliance...nothing else, just that...right?

sex as self harm, Sex as Unhealthy Coping Mechanism, Sex as Grief Processing: This could work for both of them but I think it especially works for Maedhros. He unlearned a lot of fucked up shit with Fingon after Angband, but now Fingon’s dead and it’s all coming crashing back down on him...and Turgon hates him so much that if he can tell, he doesn’t care.

A using B as replacement for C who is not present: This is exactly why Mae would fuck Fingon’s brother.

~~~

Anairë/Fëanor/Fingolfin/Nerdanel Prompts

(These are optional - if you have a different idea, go for it!)

OKAY so I don’t like sibling incest EXCEPT for Fëanor/Fingolfin, pretty much, just because the love-hate stuff with them is SO juicy. But I also hate how most FëaNolo fics depict their relationships with their wives, so I would just love it if they were all a polycule or had a foursome or something that didn’t end up with Fëanor and Fingolfin leaving their wives.

Bisexuality: They’re all very hot and they’re all very into each other. Gender who?

Breeding Kink - as dirty talk without risk: Look Fëanor and Nerdanel had SEVEN kids, I think there was probably some kind of breeding kink there...Fëanor applying this to Fingolfin, though? That’s hot. Or maybe he’s dirty talking with Anairë while Fingolfin is Right There.....yesss. But again, no risk, because elf pregnancy is always very intentional.

Character A and Character B Mutually Pine For Each Other While They Fuck Other People Together: Fëanor and Fingolfin just absolutely refusing to acknowledge their feelings even when they’re having sex with each other’s wives.

Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration - Vaginal and Anal, Double Vaginal Penetration: I just think it’s hot. You can mix up who’s penetrating who, give the ladies some strap-ons or mess around with gender, if you like.

First Time - Getting Pegged: Fëanorians get pegged, it is law, so probably not Fëanor’s first time but... Nerdanel pegging Fingolfin? Or Fëanor and Nerdanel showing Fingolfin and Anairë how it’s done? OR since let’s be real Fingolfin ALSO probably gets pegged regularly, Anairë and Nerdanel fucking each other while their husbands watch, and it’s their first time with another lady.

First Time Having Sex Postpartum: I imagine Nerdanel is unfazed by what pregnancy does to the body, but maybe Anairë isn’t, and her lovers all get together to show her how much they still love her after like, Argon is born?

Fucking Someone While Being Fucked By Someone Else: All the fun things you can do with multiple partners...

Grudging/Horrified One-Sided Attraction To Someone Who Annoys You Deeply: I must admit I missed the “one-sided” part of this when I picked this tag - but maybe they think it’s one-sided but it turns out that it’s not? Regardless, this is exactly how I see Fëanor and Fingolfin if they’re in a ship situation.

Sexy Shenanigans at a Masked Ball: Anonymity allowing a secret relationship to be slightly less secret!! Everyone is like “wow who is that tall fellow dancing with Prince Fëanáro?” or something like that!

~~~

Taeglin Prompts

(These are optional - if you have a different idea, go for it!)

Now this is my rarepair that I completely understand why it’s a rarepair, but also like MATCHING CURSED SWORDS. I generally think of this ship in the context of a “Túrin goes to Gondolin with Tuor” AU, BUT it could also be a “Aredhel and Maeglin go to Himlad, and then follow Celegorm and Curufin to Nargothrond and stay after they get banished” AU, but that’s a bit more convoluted. Or you can have them meet each other on one of Maeglin’s journeys away from Gondolin, or whatever other take you’d like to explore.

Both parties are pining for someone else: Túrin missing Beleg? Or both of them being in love with Idril and upset about her choosing Tuor instead, lol.

In Captivity Together, Bad guys think they made them do it but they really just enabled them: Túrin gets captured alongside Maeglin...or maybe Maeglin gets captured earlier, at the same time Túrin is after Amon Rûdh? (In that case it would probably just be “Bad guys made them do it” without the qualifier because they haven’t had the chance to Pine.) Basically, they finally have an excuse to fuck, and it’s not ideal, but hey they’re gonna take it.

Realizing romantic feelings mid-sex: “Oh FUCK I actually like this guy. Shit. Goddamnit.”

Mating Cycles/In Heat: Maybe heats are an elf thing, and Túrin remembers how Beleg would get, so he knows how to help Maeglin...and it’s not like Maeglin was going to ask anybody for help, he was just planning on suffering through it (again?)...

~~~

eta: an anon asked about smut likes and i was like oops i didn’t make that list so here’s some stuff i enjoy. otherwise just see the kink tags i requested

anal sex, vaginal sex, oral sex (basic but yknow)

fingering

frottage

very romantic sex (especially for russingon)

nonromantic sex (i like aro takes on characters)

trans characters whose gender is affirmed during sex

trans characters without much physical dysphoria

reunion sex

first times!!

hurt/comfort sex

political sex

fealty kink, liege/vassal dynamic

mutual masturbation

double penetration

russingon stumpfucking

dirty talk

healing from trauma through tender sex

dealing with trauma through rough sex

teasing, begging

dramatic miscommunications that get cleared up (such as mutual pining, very brief worries about consent, etc)

praise kink (especially for maedhros)

size kink (especially for fingon)

telepathy/osanwe

dom fingon/sub maedhros

hair kink

possessiveness but ONLY for russingon

sharing a bed

maedhros getting spanked......

role reversal, switching

[plounce]

ema and mia :0?

EMA:

Sexuality Headcanon: just like her sister, she is a mean lesbian. except even meaner! she’s a bitch and i love her. i think her thinking edgeworth is hot in rfta is a classic example of “baby lesbian picks out a pretty man who is completely out of reach to have a crush on, but it’s actually just gaydar”

Gender Headcanon: nonbinary lesbian! she’s somewhat open about being nonbinary (has a small flag button on her bag, but doesn’t like... tell people at work etc), but she does not feel like explaining any further to people because it’s a lot of very personal feelings that are hard to articulate outside of her own head and she would just rather not deal with it. it’s not your fucking business!!!

A ship I have with said character: i love how like all the girls in aa are in the same age group so by the time they’re in their 20s it’s fine for them to meet back up and be like “oh? lesbian? trauma about family? mutual friends?” i think i will enjoy faraskye once i play aai, i think franema is cool (as i said before), and i think maya/ema could have a fun fwb thing. aa lesbian polycule when. if she has to get paired with a man in the background of another fic, i think throwing her together with clay is fine because at least they have similar interests. and honestly, if it’s well-written i’m okay with k/a/e.

A BROTP I have with said character: i love the dynamic of her, apollo, and klavier hanging out and getting a little bitchy. so fun. this fic is a really gen fic (with hints of k/a) about klavier picking up ema and apollo after they go drinking and it’s just a really good fic about the characters hanging out. read it.

A NOTP I have with said character: god i cannot articulate how much i hate kl*ma. it is such typical het shit of “wow this woman constantly expresses how much she dislikes this man and finds him annoying and that he doesn’t respect her enough when she’s doing her job! obviously this is romantic!” it’s not. stop. leave her alone.

A random headcanon: she had a superwholock phase and she doesn’t want to talk about it. in present canon she bitches on twitter all the time and has irony poisoning and she’s so so so funny. i would reply guy for ema skye to combat all the brainwormed klavier stans in her mentions due to how she occasionally posts an unflattering candid of klavier (new rare pic) with a mean caption (insulting to the parasocial icon). klavier has to constantly tweet “please do not harass @luminolskye we are friends she is just joking :)” to which ema qrts with “i am not joking.” ema has all notifications from people she doesn’t follow muted.

General Opinion over said character: she’s soooo fun i love her... the emotional core of rfta was so compelling to me, i loved the struggle between the sisters trying to save each other. i CANNOT wait to meet her in aa4 after the timeskip - i think her redesign is great and what they did with her character is so interesting + fits thematically with the rest of the aa4 cast. she’s soooo hot and she’s MEAN and BITTER but also SMIRKING and god i’m obsessed! i love her i think she’s so hot! honestly the most girlfriendy in the aa cast for me! cannot wait for her call klavier homophobic names after he flirts with apollo in court. wlw/mlm antagonism.

MIA:

Sexuality Headcanon: i think she’s a lesbian. i won’t hear any differently. the way she behaved in 3-1 at the blatant heterosexuality... i felt a kindred spirit in my soul. i don’t acknowledge miego

Gender Headcanon: she’s a woman! trans or cis, i don’t have strong feeling either way.

A ship I have with said character: LANAMIA LANAMIA LANAMIA! i knew lana was gonna say that line but “she was attracted to me” still hit me like a truck. OH MY GOD! law school gfs... i also think they’re interesting to compare to each other - the way they care so much about their sisters and deal with the responsibilities left on their shoulders after their parents exit their lives. now i am very sad thinking about how lana retreated into herself and grew cold after gant started blackmailing her, and what if mia tried to reach her, but lana refused........... very sad! very sad! very sad!

A BROTP I have with said character: i think her and phoenix just being her supportively bullying him is very fun. starting out going like I HATE SIMPS I HATE SIMPS I HATE SIMPS and then actually... hiring him... probably helping him through law school with studying! and then his first trial being like WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID? there’s also thoughts about how phoenix takes over for her as maya’s older sibling and how she supports him as a way to support maya... ugh! family units.

A NOTP I have with said character: i hate godot so god damn much. smug misogynist stop talking down to me. get away from him queen there’s a hot brunette in a scarf waiting for you at the prosecutor’s office wanting your strap

A random headcanon: i think mia studied extremely hard in law school, but i think in her spare time she was a fairly popular video essayist. phoenix helps pay rent on the office in the timeskip partially through ad revenue on her youtube channel.

General Opinion over said character: i love her i just wish... the game was less horny over her......... bro that shot of her dead body where her boobies are the literal focus of the image and you can almost see up her skirt... what the fuck? that’s the dead body of a woman i just talked to five minutes ago? also, because i’m currently playing aa3, i hate the stupid fucking scene where maya channels her so her badonkers can make the old man agreeable! it sucks! leave mia alone! regardless. i think she is hot and smart. and i wish i could just enjoy her titties in a tasteful depiction but noooo men are horny.

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[sugarcanestock]

classroom 5

I can’t stand Takoda, every time he speaks, no matter how kind the words may be, all I can think is how much better off we would be without him. It wasn’t always this way though, I suppose at first I rather liked him, but that was then and this is now, and now he’s infuriating. He could simply breath, and I'm ready to slit his throat.   Oak grove isn’t a normal school, it’s a special school for equally special people. Everyone there is either retarded, autistic, suicidal, or some criminal. I’m no exception, I am so dead inside you can smell the rotting rom a mile away. The staff here are usually just as special as the students, although a very few of them are normal, never the good kind of normal.   The staff at the oak grove have the patience of absolute saints, at least the good ones. I’ve seen some staff watch a kid running around breaking things and causing a ruckus, but his staff didn’t so much as flinch. She just asked him if he wanted a break, he said yes and that was that. Its not uncommon to hear screaming and someone banging on the walls, usually we just lock the door and continue the lesson. The teachers must be some other kind of being, despite the horrible way some of the students treat them, they continue with a smile.I have asked them why they stay, being so under payed, and mistreated, they usually say how they want to help us and describe the joy it brings them when we get better.   But some of these staff are so far up your ass you can’t even share something with your friends without it being confiscated. Mrs. Janine everyone hates her, until she brings some snack into class, even then the love doesn’t last long. She is the one I call ‘rule hitler’ you can take what you will with that. Mrs. Star isn’t so bad, but she is certainly too religious, same with Janine, I feel like I’m suffocating in all that stupid Christian mumbo jumbo. Mrs. Star was in the music industry and she just must talk about it constantly and tell you how she ‘sang for this person’ and ‘wrote for this person’ and’ blah blah blah’. She’s got an ok singing voice, but she’s very energetic, too much for me. she is trying to write a tv show script, but her writing works better for an 80’s game show. If she could just stop sucking jesus’s dick for one second, maybe I could stand her better. Mrs. Janine likes to butt her way into our conversations about how we hate god, trying to fill us with the lies she eats every Sunday.

  Not a Satan worshiper, don’t even believe in Satan, certainly don’t worship him. But I have nothing against him, he seems like a chill dude, way better than that god prick.Since god created everything right? And he makes no mistakes? Then he created Satan and wanted him to be evil. Also if satan punishes us for being bad, doesn’t that make him good?     My class is small, smaller than my old school. My old school had over 30,000 students. This one, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even have 100. Everyone knows each other, and there is no way of getting out of all the drama. That’s one of the many things I hate about this school, I don’t give a hairless rats ass about who insulted who.   In my class there is Marissa, the school thot. But she’s cool I don’t mind her. She recently had a girlfriend, I thought they were rather cute together. Though I think it was Marissa's longest relationship, all good things must come to an end, and just before their two-month anniversary it did. I'm glad though, I am friends with her ex, and I didn’t want her to be cheated on, Marissa certainly isn't above that.     Then there is Maria, she’s not my favorite, I think she is a little too conceded for my taste. But she cute, but way too focused on how she looks, and her nails. I think if she spent just a little less time on her looks, and worked on her education, she really could do great things.     There is also sorelle I’ve known her for awhile. She once said she wanted to be referred to as a guy and called Grayson, but I’m not sure if she still wants to since she doesn’t respond to it, and no one calls her that. Her and Maria are friends with Marissa, but they are jealous of each other, they always spread rumors about each other. Marissa is rather daft, and usually doesn’t know who to side with, so she picks both, each one on a different day.     Then we’ve got the fat ass of the class, not that I think being fat is an issue, it’s just being that fat isn’t healthy. He’s extremely annoying, and he gets pissed off with the simples little jokes. He also loves to infuriate me, and he’s far too big to fight. His name is Andrew, he’s a sports fan, I hate sports they're so boring and pointless, unless you play them, but only freaks watch sports.   There’s the two love birds of our class, scratch that the two love birds of the whole school. Sean and Catherine. I greatly prefer Catherine’s company, since she isn’t as intense. She is rather timid and usually keeps to herself, but Sean helps her come out of her shell. She listens to bands like pierce the veil, and stuff like that. I too am emo, well I guess I’m more goth, but I prefer Rusty cage, and my chemical romance. They both are giant weebs, and are constantly playing Pokémon on their ds’s, I mean they are dorm so there’s not much else to do. Dorm of course means, they live here at the school, but its less like a collage and more like a residential everything is restricted, you cant even have paper.   Alex who I like the best, he’s very quiet and his stomach is a black hole. I swear I’ve never seen him turn down food, he has a part in the school Christmas play, as a hungry elf, just constantly eating. He is polite and has never caused me any issues, so I try to treat him the same.   Allie who is new to the dorms. A sweet soul with a bit of a mischievous glint. Marissa and sorelle don’t like her cause she takes things without asking, she thinks she’s being cute but she really is just being rude. I don’t particularly mind her though, I think she just needs some lessons in manners, and someone needs to teach her to stop making up stories. She tried to tell me she was some animal whisperer, I acted as if I believed her but I saw right through her bs, she does that a lot, make up stories about herself to look cool, I think it’s a bit childish.   I suppose now I Must once again talk about Takoda, oh how just his very name makes my blood boil, so stupid, the retarted Dakoda. I once said one of his middle names (yes he has more than one) was dumb and he started crying, then gave me an essay about what all his names meant, of course I told him I didn’t care and he loudly exclaimed.

“Fuck you!” with tears running down his face, and a shaking voice. It makes me laugh to this day, what a little bitch.

At first he seemed charming and funny, but that was before I knew what a good joke was. And the creep was caught masturbating in the girls bathroom, that’s why he’s here. What a freak. He tries to tell people he was caught fucking a trans person, as if any trans person would like a total joke like him. he has no fashion sense, he wears cargo shorts and t-shirts everyday. And if you think there's nothing wrong with that, and or you do that, there is something wrong with you. He laughs at and tells the dumbest jokes, he genuinely still finds cat memes hilarious, you know the ones.

“can I haz cheeseburger.” he even keeps a book of them, he tried to say he babysat, but I saw him looking through it and laughing, what a loser.

. He also makes racist jokes, then we call him out for it, and he can’t take it he’ll get all pissy. One time we made him cry, just for calling him out for being a racist, what a loser. He said that a black guy on the tv looked like the only black student we have in our class, they looked nothing alike other that the fact that they were both black. And he has the audacity, to say that I of all people can’t take a joke, when I give him shit. Anyway, what a prick, right?

But then who am I? just some judgmental bitch, right? Well that may be true there surprisingly more to me than that. I’m mute so that should already tell you how weird I must be. But it gets better, I’m punk/goth it depends on the day. And I’m hella suicidal, and depressed. I am schizophrenic and always paranoid, but it affects me less now that I want to die. There’s nothing else really interesting with me other than the fact that I have large breasts, so I’m a big titty goth bitch.

The day starts off completely normal, if you asked me, I would say it’s too normal. I swear I haven't even heard a single person screaming. Mr. Higgans our bubbly, sweet teacher. What a saint, he began our math lesson.

“alright, so you each have your notebooks, right?” no one in the class verbally responded, but a few of us nodded, including me. I flip to a random page and start writing out the equasions on a blank page.

“alright, Evlyn do you know what page you’re doing?” I nodded and promptly began working, it was simple enough, just regular find the slope of a line. Something seemed off, the hall was quiet, I have been at this school for long enough to know that prolonged silence is not good. I swiftly get out of my seat, Mrs.. Janine as nosey as ever, is out of hers just as fast. When I reach for the door handle she quickly interjects.

“where are you going?” I tell her to piss off, by flailing my hand in a dismissive motion. She needs to learn to mind her own damn business. Grabbing the door handle, I get a horrible sense of dread, but I push past it anyway.

Pushing the door open, all I see is a yellow gloved hand and a dirty, green rag. Without a second to process, I am being held against a tall, strong body, I can hear screaming, and I watch as other masked figures flood in. the second I realize what is happening, I am struggling, kicking, punching, and fighting to hold my breath. But it’s only a matter of time before I must breath in.

[seriousfic]

Elseworlds

Well, Tumblr isn’t dead yet and the CW-DC just did a big crossover, so I think it’s time to make fun of the CW........ for the last time.

Did you know Tim Allen actually ended Home Improvement after season 8 because he knew the show couldn’t maintain its level of quality and was on the way downhill? Tim Allen has more creative integrity than anyone involved in the making of Supernatural. Think about that.

Anyhoo, lots to digest! Largely, this crossover felt to me weirdly lackluster and obligatory, like the whole thing was just a trailer for the oncoming Crisis on Infinite Earths crossover. It just felt unambitious, which is the last thing an ‘event’ like this should feel like. In fact, it felt a little like I imagine the result would be of filming a bunch of people playing DC Universe Online. We visit Smallville and see Lois Lane! We go to Gotham and meet Batman...’s cousin, and fight a breakout at Arkham Asylum, complete with Mr. Freeze...’s gun and the Scarecrow...’s fear gas. Then, we wrap the whole thing up with an Evil Superman, because God knows, DC never gets bored of that.

-Petty nitpick department: Batwoman just standing around on rooftops looks weird. Not only does it give the odd impression that she’s spent the entire time between episodes just, uh, standing, but c’mon--you’re supposed to crouch. Or at least hunch. Everybody knows that!

-Weirdly missed opportunity to have Ollie do the Flash narration, considering all the other opening narrations are futzed with.

-The whole thing is pretty much a glorified body swap--Stephen Amell is playing Barry Allen and vice versa. I can see how TPTB would be too pressed for time to explain a whole ‘nother continuity where Barry Allen became Green Arrow and Oliver Queen became the Flash, but still, it’s not as much fun.

-They also wholeheartedly borrow the thing of Ollie having to be happy to use Barry’s powers and Barry having to be mad to use Ollie’s ‘powers’ from the episode of Teen Titans where Raven and Starfire switched bodies. So, I guess, congratulations on making the central plot point of your crossover the same as a half-hour episode of a children’s cartoon.

-Remember that time Barry was too happy and too confident in his abilities, so his dad died?  

-They got a good actress to play the Lois Lane to this Clark Kent, considering they both just look kinda awkward? His chin looks like he had a face transplant done and her nose looks like someone is constantly Photoshopping it.

NHHHA, He-Man!!

-Don’t do a callback to Smallville, show. Oliver Queen has now spent more time in costume as the Flash than Tom Welling did as Superman.

-Direct fucking hit when Oliver said that Barry couldn’t take a crap without getting a peptalk from his team, but on the other hand, Oliver can’t take a crap without Felicity wondering what it means for their relationship. “Oliver didn’t tell me he needed to go to the bathroom! Why wouldn’t he trust me?”

-I’m just saying, last season on Agents of SHIELD, pretty much every character was in a relationship--there was not so much damn drama. It’s a fucking body-swap plotline, guys. You don’t need to treat it like it could lead to someone’s divorce! Really, at this point, if you’re in a relationship with a crazy superhero, you should be used to it. 

-(Although I suppose I’m a little hard to please here, since over on Legends of Tomorrow they suddenly expect us to care about Constantine rescuing the love of his life when we’ve seen their relationship for all of four seconds. But hey, like I said, Agents of SHIELD manages a happy medium and finds time for Ghost Rider to show up.)

-For the post-apocalyptic hellscape they make Gotham out to be, the police respond awfully fast to disturbances.

-”We’re on the corner of Burton and Nolan!” Groooooan.

-Ruby Rose, everyone: the Less Convincing Michelle Rodriguez. It’d probably a bad sign for how compelling Kate Kane is as a character that everyone would rather talk about where Batman is and why Batman would leave. And, speaking as someone who both watched Birds of Prey and The Dark Knight Rises--Rocky, that ‘Batman Retires’ plot point never works!

-(Is Batwoman even that popular a character to get her own spin-off? I suppose she’s ‘TV show’ popular, but still--I think she’s one of those Batfamily members that is somewhere behind Alfred but ahead of Ace, right next to Azrael. And I do think it’s hilarious that TPTB were insistent on casting a real, authentic lesbian!!!--and then immediately got complaints that they didn’t cast a Jew. Oh, Ziggy, will you ever win?)

-I don’t want to be too hard on Ruby Rose here. Yes, she doesn’t showcase anything other than one mode: Snide And Slightly Pouty (Stephen Amell ain’t winning no Oscars, but he can differentiate between Ollie As A Civilian and Ollie In A Halloween Costume). But the writing does her no favors in making a case for this character as being deserving of any amount of screentime, besides the fact that she dresses like Batman, the guy we really care about. She’s a heroine, as are featured variously in every Arrowverse show. She’s queer, as is Alex Danvers, Sara Lance, John Constantine, et al. She’s rich to the point of having unlimited resources, as are (sometimes) Oliver Queen, Barry Allen, Kara through her billionaire friends. She lives in a crime-ridden hellhole, as Ollie has done for several seasons. What makes any of this compelling? The Gotham setting? Arrow has already turned itself into an effective facsimile of that, to the point of having Ra’s al Ghul show up to make Queen into his son-in-law. Arkham Asylum seems completely generic, as does Wayne Tower. It’s all just a different part of Vancouver; who cares?

-Likewise, Supergirl, speaking to you as a TV show--you really should either be adamant that Kara is heterosexual or give her a weirdly flirtatious scene with Batwoman, but not both. I know you need, need, need to let the audience know Batwoman is a lesbian...

Pictured: The CW subtly letting you know about a character’s minority status.

But c’mon. We’ve been over this.

-Speaking of minority status, maybe it’s not the best idea to let slip that John Diggle is an AU John Stewart. Yes, there’s ten brothas in the DC Universe, and four of them are actually the other six. There are so few Negros on Earth-1 that they had to make Barack Obama into a superhero. The Batfamily has two black folks and they’re both related to Lucius Fox. There’s so few black people in Metropolis that Black Lightning knows who his father is!

Folks, the DC Universe is so white, the Black Lanterns are all dead. The DC Universe is so white, they don’t even have black Kryptonite. The DC Universe is so white, even Black Condor is a honky. The DC Universe is so white, they don’t even need a Justice League of Africa, they just have a Batman of Africa! The DC Universe is so white, the blackest guy on the Justice League is a refrigerator with one-half of a brother’s face on top of it. The DC Universe is so white, they named the black woman on the Teen Titans after a bug that’s half yellow! Now Milestone, the Milestone Universe is black. It’s so black, Aquaman is the most powerful superhero there, because he’s the only one who can swim!

(-I’m planning on being chased off of Tumblr like Indiana Jones after he snags an ancient artifact.)

-Would it be that hard for them to go to Arkham and run into the Ventriloquist or Orca or someone memorable, so long as they have access to the Batman toy chest? We got, uhh, Lady Who Can Pick Up Gun and Psycho Pirate I Guess? Like I said, unambitious. Wouldn’t it be so much cooler if they got someone from Gotham to film just one little cameo? 

-Also, considering the sex scandal these shows have had, maybe it’s not the best idea to joke about their EPs being depraved maniacs? (Was Guggenheim the one who actually got MeToo’d? Because if so, Dude--Not Funny)

-The show had to character-shill Batwoman so hard that Ollie and Barry stopped being fear-gassed just to reiterate that she is too an interesting character in her own right! (If the characters have all heard of Batman, wouldn’t they have heard of Batwoman too if she’s been an active vigilante more recently?)

-But who cares about four unstoppable superheroes teaming up when we can find out how Felicity feels about her relationship? Just a thought--if you fight with your SO all the time about nearly everything, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship. 

-Long story short, Doctor Destiny rewrites reality again to make Barry, Oliver, and Kara into supervillains in a world where he’s the hero. He also makes the other characters into pointless cameos, and weirdly gets criticized by Kara for... not giving himself a sex-change operation by becoming Superman instead of Supergirl? He doesn’t have gender dysphoria, Supergirl. I thought she was all about trans issues this season?

-Like, I don’t know, if a woman used a magic lamp to wish herself President, would anyone criticize her making herself a lady President instead of a man President?

-I guess it wouldn’t be Supergirl unless they crowbarred in an extremely awkward girlpower message where Superman and Lois agree that Supergirl/women in general are more useful than men, despite the fact that all Supergirl did was the exact same thing as Barry, while Superman and Oliver fought Dr. Destiny, and all Lois did was call in a bunch of men as reinforcements and then need to be rescued.

-But like I said about being unambitious--wouldn’t it be fun to see our heroes be forced to team up with a few supervillains to save the day? Instead, we just have Cisco playing a villain (something he’s done numerous times before). They get his help, have a weirdly poor showing in a fight against Jimmy Olsen, get Superman’s help again, yadda yadda. 

-We also get Superman proposing to Lois Lane. Yeah, considering they’ve been in a relationship at least since Supergirl Season 1, she’s carrying his child, and they’re planning to move to an alien world together, yeah, I should think so? I know Superman probably isn’t a Republican, but does anyone think he’d be so blase about putting a ring on it? Hell, if nothing else, he should want to tie the knot before Ma or Pa bite it. Couldn’t they have just made it that he wants to renew his vows with Lois in a Kryptonian ceremony or some such? 

[thathumanwiththecatears]

its the night after my birthday rn as im starting to type this, and i have no idea if i will actually finish this tonight and post it or not so just for reference to see how long it takes me to talk about this its currently 1:43 am on 2/5/18 and everything id under the cut because its very long.

so, i want to talk about literally everything going on in my head about gender, and im not gonna leave anything out, not even the stuff that i would normally be really afraid to talk about on here cause i just need to put everything down in words. 

I currently identify as a genderfluid person who leans more on the masculine side. and just for clarification i will say i also call myself trans, trans masc, nonbinary, and genderqueer. I discovered that i was genderfluid in 2015 and i have been happy with that label ever since, of course with the normal self questioning every genderfluid person goes through. 

for kind of a while but mostly recently, i have started wondering if i am possibly also intersex. for anyone who doesnt know what that means: its when you are born with ambiguous sex traits, so that can mean a lot of things like different hormones and genitals and stuff. so apparently, most people who are born intersex dont actually know, and neither do their parents, because if there is anything physically “out of the ordinary” you could say, they will just do a surgery to fix it first. 

now one thing that made me think this was the fact that i have a hormone imbalance. and i havent actually looked into anything that much to even know if that is a sign of it, but what i do know is i was told to take birth control to fix it and i can not stand how it makes me feel. It feels wrong, sometimes it almost feels like my body fights with it too and like i have more testosterone because of it trying to counteract it. again none of this is scientific, i literally dont know how this shit works and feel free to tell me i am an idiot. There are also 2 other reasons i think this but im actually rethinking the posting literally everything cause im too uncomfortable posting about those two so im gonna not talk about them, but feel free to make up your own idea if you so choose, you will probably be wrong.

things that i had before starting birth control were: hair on legs and under arms growing really fast, i smelled worse, i will say i had a stronger libido, i had long dark hairs that would grow from under my chin and neck (not extremely noticeable but they were there), some hair on my tummy, and a few hairs occasionally grew in between my tiddies, and i had a VERY messed up menstrual cycle like i very rarely had periods. there are more things but at this time i cant think of anymore. these things have all like not stopped but chilled i guess, and i almost hate it?? which is one of the things that is making me more interested in trying to go on T. 

There are many things i want from T but also so many things i am afraid of. i will mention the stuff im afraid of first cause i honestly feel like that is an easier list for me to talk about. so big big one, is my hair, i am terrified to lose my hair. so much of my self confidence comes from my hair its not even funny. i rely so much on my hair. people always question if im drawing myself when i draw characters because all of them have hair extremely similar to my own, but i just love this hair, i always have, and the fact that i actually get to have this hair on my head makes me incredibly happy. 

another thing im less concerned about but a bit is my voice. i know that that is like one of the main things trans guys usually want to change but i like my voice. i like how it sounds, and i like to sing. im afraid of what my voice will sound like after, im afraid i will hate it, and the thing is, that isnt reversible, if i go on T and my voice changes and i dont like it, i cant just stop T and have it go back. that is a permanent change, same with the hair. the things im most afraid of are the permanent things so im very afraid of it.

face shape changing is one thing im on the fence about, on one hand i think it would be nice, but also, i like my face shape, or at least the face shape i pretend to have in selfies, but I also use makeup to make it more masculine and i love how that looks and wish it could really look like that. Because of the fact that im genderfluid not a trans man makes it so much harder. 

things i think would be fantastic though, a big one for me is getting rid of periods, and i know that can be done by other things but it is deff a huge plus to this too, you see I got really used to not having them like ever, and now i have them every month, and i cant stand it. this is also gonna be really gross but whatever, i dont even like, do anything sometimes. i will just free bleed, if im home, if im wearing one of the pairs of pajama pants that i know always wash out all the blood then i just dont bother with anything, i have a short and not too heavy period so i dont even ever bleed completely through the pants either, so it just kinda works. its just so annoying and i hate that i have to deal with it now. 

another thing is weird to some but body hair growth, some people hate it but i kinda like it sometimes, and if i decide i dont i can just shave it off and everything is great. also beards, i love beards, and judging by my family and the fact that my face tries to grow hairs without T tells me i can deff grow one. and again if i decide i dont want it i can just shave it off. 

body fat migration, to make me have a less feminine body, and muscle growth, are both things that on my fat ass body i dont think would make too much of a difference quite honestly, but would i be pumped to look less feminine and be able to get more muscle if i actually worked out? HELL YEAH. and im just gonna slip this lil thing in here i like the idea of the uh,,, growth, that happens else where but just my body changing like that makes me happy, i know for a fact that i want to get my chest removed because its extremely annoying and gives me dysphoria, and quite honestly my tits are fucking ugly, i dont care how body positive i want to be and how i support any other person with large breasts, mine are so fucking ugly i have hated them since they grew in.

there are a ton of tiny things too that change that i want and like also just the fact of having those hormones in my body would make me feel normal. estrogen doesnt make me feel right. it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, and like i have taken away a part of myself. i dont know how to describe it, but that “hormone imbalance” felt more “right” to me than this. i feel like im messed up now. 

im just conflicted. I want to be happy, I want to feel okay in my body, but right now i dont, and i also dont know if being on T would fix it, or give me irreversible side effects that i can never fix and leave me feeling the same way. I honestly just feel like i would be better with my “imbalance” cause that was the most normal i have felt. but apparently thats not “healthy” 

literally like the main thing here is im not a trans man, and im not a cis woman, and yeah i lean more on masculine, but will i regret doing things to my body that actually make me physically closer to being male. i dont know, and there is no way to find out without really regretting it. but im just not happy how i currently am either, so it just makes it so hard. there is like no way for me to be happy like this, i just dont even want to have a human body, i would rather exist as just a formless entity that has no male or female traits. 

this post didnt even help me figure stuff out. im still just as confused. I just want to be able to live as a man but keep my voice and hair, if i could do that i think i would be 100% ready to go on T. and these are such petty things and i feel so bad about being caught up on them cause trans men talk about how they are afraid to lose their hair but say how its worth it to them. and i feel so bad that i dont know if it is worth it for me. like i dont deserve to transition if i dont think its worth it.

it has been an hour now. and i think im done now. but i might post about this again.

[pedroscurls]

Title: Playing with Fire

@negantrashlucille23​ requested: Maybe OC being the daughter of a very important customer... but like Ike is still married so that there can be some angst but there's definitely something between Ike and OC And smut x) fluff anything you want really ^.^

Character(s): Ike Evans and Reader Summary: Your father stays in one of the suites at the Miramar Playa, and the hotel’s owner, caters to his every need. But, when you finally see what this man looks like, you cannot help but tease him every chance you could get. Word Count: 2,877 Warning: SMUT!!! Author’s Note: Thank you, @negantrashlucille23​ for this request! It was so much fun to write. Plus, I wanted this to be as steamy as possible, so I hope I accomplished that! I also changed it from being Ike and an OC to Ike and the Reader, if you don’t mind! Thank you again, and enjoy! :-)

Forever Taglist: @disfigured-it-out || @chunex || @jasoncrouse || @oceanicseries || @dixonsbait || @negan--is--god || @see-you-then-winchester || @sable-the-trans-ham || @k4veggies || @labyrinthofheartagrams || @purplemuse89 || @ladyynegan || @scentofpineandhazelnutlattes || @may85 || @a-girl-interupted || @spn-cw123

(GIF Source: @heartfulloffandoms​) 

You have been staying at the Miramar Playa for almost a week now. You agreed on going to this vacation with your father, who seemed very excited that you decided to join him. You were never really close with your father after he and your mother divorced, but he provided you with things that you didn’t need, but want.

He helped with the materialistic things while your mother fulfilled every other aspect of your life in terms of emotional help and plainly just being there. Your father thought it was best to buy your love, and sometimes, it didn’t matter.

“Are you going to finally come with me to the casino today?” he asks.

“No. I’m going to go swimming,” you reply.

“Again? I’m surprised you haven’t gotten sunburnt.”

“I get that from you, dad.”

Slowly, he walks over to you and kisses your cheek. “You know I love you, right? I’m trying here and I’m glad that you’re letting me.”

You sigh, nodding up at him. “I know. I may be older now, but I’m glad you’re making an effort.”

He smiles, “All right. I’m going to go and gamble. Ike’s told me that he’s allowed you to swim at his own pool. How’s that?”

“It’s nice. I hit it off with his wife really well, so that’s a good thing. I’d hate for her to get the wrong idea,” you lie. You had been spending majority of your time with Ike, doing your best to tease him despite knowing that he was married.

“She’s pretty, but she isn’t you, honey.” he compliments.

“Okay, dad. Kinda pushing it there,” you laugh, kissing his cheek. “Go on and go to the casino. I’ll be fine.”

He nods, leaving the suite as you walk to the balcony. You were taking a break before starting your graduate program, so you took every opportunity to focus less on school and more on having fun. Since graduating with your bachelor’s, it was difficult to find a job. It had only been a few months, but you didn’t want your father to help even though you knew he would do his damn best to make sure you had a job.

He always promised you that you didn’t have to work just as long as he was alive because he would take care of everything. You, on the other hand, didn’t want to rely on him. You wanted to be able to earn your money because of your own hard work.

You slip on a black two-piece bathing suit and decide to head up to Ike’s swimming pool. Once before, you had caught Vera swimming naked and when she saw you, she simply smiled. She assumed that Ike was allowing you to swim because your father was a very important customer.

Since then, you stopped seeing her around the swimming pool. You wondered if it was because Ike spoke to her.

Once you make it to the pool, you glance up at the balcony to see Ike standing there in a black and white suit, a cigar between his lips, and a glass of alcohol in his hand. When you make eye contact, you smile innocently and bend down to stretch your limbs.

Ike would make suggestive comments at you every time you tried to get his attention, but you knew he would never act on it. He was married and very much in love with Vera. Though, that didn’t mean he couldn’t daydream.

You dive into the pool, welcoming the cold water dampening your skin. You swim across the large pool and once you finally reach the opposite end, you resurface and hold onto the ledge. You notice a pair of dress shoes in front of you and you look up, smiling once you notice Ike.

“Hi,” he says.”

“Hello, Mr. Evans,” you reply.

Ike narrows his eyes, watching as you pull yourself from the pool. His eyes rake over your body, watching the droplets of water roll down your skin as he notices the black two-piece swimsuit you were wearing.

“You don’t ever get tired of swimming?” he asks.

“Not when I’ve got such an attractive audience member,” you tease.

“You’re playing with fire, [Y/N]…”

“I know, but that means you are too.”

“I would never cheat on Vera, you know that, right?” he whispers.

“Who said I was interested in you?” you lie.

“Who are you interested in then?”

“Well, you have an extremely handsome son named Stevie.”

Ike arches a brow, taking a sip of his alcohol. “You don’t seem like a woman who likes to go for men her age.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“Because the way you’re looking at me right now is saying something else entirely,” he replies.

“Ike, you know nothing about me.”

“I know enough. Your father talks a lot about you, [Y/N].”

“My father?”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah, then you don’t know anything. My father doesn’t even know me.” you mumble, walking to your towel and beginning to dry your body so that you can tan. When you lie on the beach chair, you recline it enough that you can lie down. You decide to lie on your abdomen, reaching back to undo your bikini top to get an even tan.

Ike bites the inside of his cheek, keeping his resolve as he sits at the edge of your chair. “He says you’re very funny. You like taking pictures, swimming, and you just graduated with your bachelor’s degree. Seems like I know enough.”

You scoff, “Those are just simple facts. My dad doesn’t know the kind of guys I like to go for.”

“I do.”

“And what makes you think that?”

Ike arches a brow and glances around. Vera was at the salon with his daughter, getting a massage and their nails done. It was a spa day for both girls and he was all alone, so maybe just touching you would do no harm.

You stiffen at the feel of his rough fingertips grazing your bare back, running from the nape of your neck down to your backside and back up lightly.

“Ike…”

“If you weren’t into older men, you wouldn’t keep coming back to my pool, [Y/N].”

“Maybe I just want to swim in peace.”

“Or maybe you just want to see me,” he replies.

“I think you’re looking too much into this, Ike.”

“I don’t think so, [Y/N]. You know, I am a married man.”

“Then why are your hands inching closer to my ass?”

Ike retracts his hand, biting his lower lip embarrassingly. Usually, he could contain himself, but there was something about you that lured him in. He had seen naked women that weren’t his wife, but he never paid much attention.

You, on the other hand, he couldn’t take his eyes off of. He notices that your breasts are pressed against the chair, causing your sideboobs to look all the more appealing.

Grinning mischievously, you sit up and hold up your bikini top, leaning up to let your lips rest against Ike’s ear. You knew it was wrong to seduce a married man, but you couldn’t help it. Ike was too attractive to just let go without having one good fuck.

“You can prove your point if you come up to my room tonight,” you offer.

Ike pulls back to look at you. He looks surprised; he was definitely not expecting you to offer him a night of fun.

“We’ll see.” Ike grins.

“Yeah, I guess we will.” you drop your hands, which also drops your bikini top and quietly mumble an ‘oops’ before lying back down.

Ike gets a good glimpse at your breasts, shifting on the beach chair before he stands up. He slips on his signature sunglasses and lets his eyes run over your body once more.

“Have a good swim, [Y/N].”

“I will, thank you, Ike. Think about my offer.”

“Oh, I’ve already made a decision,” he responds.

“And?”

“And you will see,” he grins, leaving you alone and in peace.

As big as the cabana your father was staying at, you had decided to have your own room. It was much smaller and something you were much more used to back at home, but even then, your father insisted that you have the best view that this hotel had to offer.

It didn’t disappoint. You spent majority of your afternoons on the balcony, sipping on a glass of wine in a tank top and panties as you watched the sun begin to set below the horizon. It was a beautiful sight every night.

Before going to your balcony to watch the sunset, you decide to head downstairs to the bar. You slip on a pair of leggings and head to the elevator. Before you see the doors close, a slimmer woman slides through and smiles politely.

It was Vera and immediately, you smile nervously. All you could think about was your offer to Ike and how you couldn’t believe you actually had done it.

“[Y/N], so nice to see you,” she grins.

“Hi, Vera. It’s nice to see you too. Going somewhere?”

“I am. I’m grabbing a few drinks with an old friend of mine. Ike practically begged me not to go. His jealousy was acting up,” Vera laughs, running a hand through her perfect curls.

“Well, with you looking like that, he has every right to be jealous,” you reply. You needed to sound normal and not like you just had hit on her husband.

Vera laughs quietly. It was hard for you to dislike her since Vera was so humble and sweet. You wanted to take back your offer to Ike, but deep down, you wanted to know what it was like to be with a man his age. Besides, after this vacation, you would never see him again.

Once the doors open, you wave goodbye to Vera and walk to the bar to purchase a new bottle of wine. You glance around and notice the array of older men sitting at various booths with younger hookers in each arm. You scoff quietly to yourself and see Ike approaching you at the corner of your eye.

You bite your lower lip when you feel a hand resting on your lower back, glancing up at him.

“The wine’s on me,” he tells the bartender who simply nods, smiling politely.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you reply, taking the wine and walking back to the elevators in hopes to make it to your room just in time for the sun to set.

“Perks of knowing the owner,” he winks. He follows you into the elevators and arches a brow, glancing around absently. Ike had told previous investors to not install security cameras into the elevators, but he couldn’t help but make sure.

Once the doors shut, Ike quickly walks over to you and cups your cheek. You immediately lean against his touch and smile, turning your head to kiss the inside of his wrist.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he says.

“I know you shouldn’t…”

“But I want to.”

“I do too,” he whispers, leaning down so that your lips are inches away from his own. Slowly, Ike eliminates the space between the both of you and presses his lips against yours. He kisses you slowly, taking his time to memorize the feel of your lips.

His hand moves to your hip, gripping it tightly as he pulls you to his chest. With one of your hands occupied with holding the wine bottle, the other tugs on his tie to bring him further down into the intense lip lock.

For a few minutes, your lips move against his, flicking your tongue repeatedly against the roof of his mouth once he parts his lips. One of his strong hands move to grasp your backside, causing you to press your front against him and in that moment, you immediately feel his growing bulge.

“Ike…”

“[Y/N]…”

“So, does that mean you’re going to accept my offer?”

Ike grins, “It’s a one time thing.”

“Yes, just a one time thing.”

He nods, stepping out of the elevator and leads you to your room. Once he steps inside, Ike grabs the bottle of wine and sets it on the table nearby before hoisting you up into his arms. You wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck as he kisses along your neck.

He sets you down on the bed and pulls back, undoing his tie and setting it aside neatly along with his blazer. You allow Ike to undress for you, watching as his little mannerisms are on full display for you to see. He removes his suit and sets it on the chair neatly before looking down at his boxers.

You notice the tattoos that were on his skin and the hair on his chest leading down to his abdomen and disappearing past his boxers. You bite your lower lip in anticipation and slowly lift your tank top above your head, revealing that you weren’t wearing a bra. You tug down your leggings with your underwear and run a fingertip down your length.

Once you pull back, Ike takes your finger into his mouth and sucks gently, groaning. “You taste sweet…”

You smile, nodding before you sit up on your elbows. He tugs down his boxers and kicks it aside, watching as his member springs at attention. You groan at the sheer size of him, standing up and taking his hand. He grabs a condom from his wallet and slips it on, following you to the balcony.

You gently set him down onto the chair and he furrows a brow, a bit confused as to what you wanted to do. Slowly, you extend his legs and settle between them, your back facing him. You still wanted to watch the sunset, but you wanted to watch it while Ike fucked you.

You reach back and hold his member steady, slowly sliding down his length as your tight walls accommodate to his girth. You groan, resting your hands onto his knees once you start to sink lower onto him.

Ike’s hands rests on your hips, guiding you downwards until you are sitting completely on his lap. You shift, moaning quietly at the feel of his member within your depths.

“Ike…” you moan, keeping your eyes focused on the sunset as his hand reaches up to grasp your breast. Slowly, you feel your walls begin to loosen with each passing second. You begin to lift your hips, guiding it back down quickly. You moan, his large member nothing you have ever felt before.

Ike massages your breast into the pit of his palm, leaning forward to kiss along your shoulder. Right now, he wasn’t feeling guilty, but he just hoped that he wouldn’t be feeling it later. He loved Vera, but he was curious. He wanted this just as badly as you did.

“[Y/N]… Damn it, you are so beautiful,” he whispers, allowing you to ride his dick. He guides you, pulling you down roughly so that the entirety of his member slides inside of you. You moan loudly, your eyes beginning to flutter but you force yourself to keep them open.

The view was spectacular, but it was just as amazing with Ike sliding in and out of your walls. Slowly, he lifts your hips just slightly and begins pounding up into you. His hand drops from your breast to your clit, slowly circling it to offset with his fast thrusts.

“Ike, oh god!” you moan aloud, your nails slightly digging into his skin at his thighs. You continue to bounce along his length once he ceases his thrusts, yearning for release.

As he applies pressure to your clit, you finally allow yourself to reach your high. Your body shakes slightly and you slump back against him, allowing your walls to tighten even further around his girth.

Ike stands up, keeping himself sheathed within your warm abyss. He turns you around, slipping out of you and sets you onto the chair. Immediately, he pushes your legs apart and slides back inside of you, immediately missing the way your walls tightened around him.

He begins a fast pace. His hips continuously come in contact with your own and the sounds of his skin slapping against yours heightened the pleasure and you knew that you were going to reach your second high.

“Ike!”

He growls, leaning down and holding your arms down against your sides. Ike continues his fast pace, watching as you arch your back. Your eyes slowly fall shut and your toes begin to curl inward, moaning loudly at the second climax that shakes throughout your body.

Ike slams into you a few more thrusts before pulling out and releasing into the condom. He groans, catching his breath as he slowly removes the condom and ties it at the end before tossing it in the trash. He picks you up and brings you inside, setting you down on the bed.

Much to your surprise, Ike lies down with you and gathers you into his arms. He kisses your cheek and smiles, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear.

“One time thing right?” he asks.

“You tell me,” you smile.

[remeny-writes]

Roses are Red, Violets are Adored (Viadore/Katlaska/group fic)

Sorry for the long time between posts. crushing depression + writer’s block = me

Chapter 163

Adore’s Point of view

I took one last look of Violet’s sleeping face before I rounded the corner, I really didn’t want to go but Matt promised he would check in on them regularly and I trusted that he would. Lucy would be back before long as well.

It seemed like a long time since I had been at group because it felt like it had been weeks since I had last gone. I was there a bit early but Selene was there too, she jumped up as soon as she saw me and pulled me into a tight hug, “Bonjour mon amour, how are you? I’ve missed you so! Oh mon dieu! Your hand!”

“Hiya Selene, I KNOW! It feels like it has been forever since we had last spoken to each other instead of it just being the past few meetings. My hand is ok! Don’t worry!” I reassured her, flailing my casted arm around.

"And how is Violet doing now?” a look of concern marring her perfect face.

“They’re much better. We even came to the games room, with Lucy and her new little friend, to play some video games yesterday which was great fun.”

“Oh good!!”

“And how is Luc?” Her son Luc has the same cancer as Lucy does.

“He is good, thank you for asking!!” She smiled brightly, “They are saying we may be able to take him home next week!

"That is AMAZING news!! I’m so very happy for him and you!”

She smiled and nodded, before we could chat any longer, Alexa walked in, holding the hand of a petite raven haired woman.

“Hi!! I am assuming you are Leslie?” I asked, closing the distance between her and I.

“Yes I am! I wanna say you are Danny?” I nodded and she pulled me into a hug. Then she got a quizzical look on her face, “has anyone ever told you that you could be the identical twin of one of my favourite drag queens Adore Delano? She was on a popular drag competition reality show if you haven’t heard of it.” Alexa was grinning behind her.

“I know her actually!”

“REALLY? I’d love to meet her sometime if she is around! If it’s not too much trouble.”

I laughed and stuck my hand out for her to shake it and she looked confused for a moment but finally shook it. “Hi I’m Adore Delano, nice to meet you!”

“Oh my gosh! REALLY??”

“Yep I really am and Violet Chachki is just down the hall.” I grinned, bemused at the shocked expression on her face.

“You gotta be shitting me!” she blurted and then covered her mouth, “Sorry, I saw they were being treated for cancer on youtube. Sorry about the swearing,” she looked around at everyone for a minute and then turned back to me. “I should know better seeing as I’m in a kid’s hospital. Hey wait…why are you guys at a children’s hospital?”

“Well it’s a bit of a long story. The Dr in New York that diagnosed them sent them to an oncologist here that deals with their rare type of cancer, but Dr Bailey only has rights to treat here so here is where we came.”

“Makes sense. I can’t believe I’m talking to you!”

I giggled, “Well believe it baby!”

Olive came in and introduced herself to Leslie. “Ok gang, why don’t we begin?”

“Wait,” I said. “What about Grayson?”

Olive’s face fell, “Grayson’s daughter has taken a turn for the worse and he said he would much rather spend that time with her. Which of course is understandable! Keep them in your thoughts and prayers.”

We all nodded slowly, all of us dreading the possibility that that could be us someday.

The meeting was subdued.At the end of it, I told Alex and Leslie I would call their son’s room if and when Vi was up to visitors as I didn’t want them to just come with me since Vi was having chemo again and I didn’t know how they would be feeling. I knew how sensitive Vi can be about their appearance sometimes.

Surprisingly, when I tiptoed into the room, Vi was sitting up chatting with Lucy, unhooked from chemo but not quite green yet. Ross bucket was lying on the bed near Vi’s crossed legs. They didn’t see me but I saw them, Lucy must have said something funny because they threw their head back in their characteristic laugh that made my stomach get butterflies like riding a rollercoaster. Their eyes flicked to me and they smiled, beckoning me forward with one finger and like a fish on a hook I followed with a goofy smile I couldn’t and wouldn’t shake.

Lucy is sitting and there is a boy sitting beside Lucy that wasn’t Frederick. He had ginger hair that was spiked up, he was wearing dark jeans, a loose diamond-patterned pale emerald short-sleeved button-up shirt and a silver bowtie. As soon as he saw me, he stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Hi! Nice to meet you! Do you prefer Danny or Adore?” He twanged.

“You forgot to tell him your name goof!” Lucy laughed, she looked radiant.

“Er…sorry! I’m Samuel, Lucy’s brother. Sorry I haven’t been here yet to meet you.” He was holding his breath, I wondered if it was because I knew he was trans. Like that even fucking mattered…well it mattered but it didn’t matter.

“Hey man.” I said, he put out his hand to shake and then switched when he saw my cast. He chuckled, the ice was broken as he sat back down beside Lucy who was beaming crazily up at her brother. It honestly made me wanna cry with how sweet it was.

Violet reached their hand out and pulled me to sit beside them

“You forgot to tell him your name goof!” Violet repeated Lucy’s earlier statement.

“Oh yeah!” I smacked my forehead, “sorry Samuel! Either is fine with me. Half the time Vi and I call each other by our drag names because we both answer to which ever! So you’re home!! Welcome back! Lucy has told us a lot about you.”

“All horrible stuff. I’ve told them nothing but horrible things.” Lucy deadpanned.

“I would expect anything less of you lil sister.” He chuckled, ruffling her hair like a big brother should.

She squirmed out of the way and smoothed down her bangs again. “Get away you!” She took a closer look at him, squinting up at him. “You doing ok? If you need to go, I understand hun. You should get some rest bro. I’m ok!”

Upon closer inspection, Samuel did look as green as his shirt.

“You ok man?” Vi asked, concern in their voice.

Samuel chuckled morosely. “I could ask you the same thing. Incoming!”

Violet groaned and grabbed up Ross, I rubbed their back and murmured the usual reassurances while Lucy and Samuel had a whispered conversation that I was probably not meant to hear.

“Sammy, you just got home, you need to rest. You KNOW that I understand.”

“Luce, it was bad enough I was away so much longer than I was supposed to be! I don’t want to leave already. I’m fine.”

“Samuel, we both know you are not fine! Do NOT even try it. You won’t heal if you don’t take care of yourself. You have to take your meds.”

“They make me tired.”

“I know, most pain meds make people sleepy. You can ask the doctor at your appointment for meds that aren’t as strong but right now you NEED them. Please?”

Vi must have heard the conversation because as soon as they surfaced from the bucket, they jabbed the nurse’s button fiercely with their thumb.

“Can I help you?” A nurse’s voice crackled from the speaker on the wall.

“Hi can I get my pain meds?”

“I’ll be right in with them Jason.”

“Thank you.” Vi looked straight at Samuel and smirked, “ok your turn.” They raised one spotty eyebrow at him. “Sorry not sorry, this room is not that big. Lucy knows what she is talking about. Listen to her. Please?”

“You too Danny?” Lucy said with her own raised ginger brow.

I put my hand up, “hey! Hey! Why you gotta bring me into this?”

“Because you are also in pain.” Violet said.

“God, aren’t we all a mess!!?” I exclaimed and we all burst out into laughter until we were holding our stomachs and Samuel was even greener.

10 minutes later we had all taken our meds, Samuel had winced when he leaned over to grab his meds from his backpack. Vi and I pretended not to notice as we were suddenly engrossed in our fingernails or the ceiling.

“You guys are so not fooling me. So I had…”

“No Samuel, you don’t have to tell us. It’s ok!”

“No, I don’t mind. I recently went to Mexico and had top surgery. I had to stay longer than intended due to complications outside of anyone’s control. It was a good facility, not one of those seedy places so it wasn’t because of that. Hopefully I can get the drains out tomorrow when I see my Dr here.” He said and then yawned.

“Hey why don’t you stretch out on the couch tonight Samuel? Vi will let me sleep with them, right hun?”

I saw a shadow of fear pass over Jason’s face, I think I could safely bet that they were worried about having a nightmare with Samuel in the room. I put my hand on their knee, and they looked at him and nodded with a queasy smile. “Yeah that would be great! Please stay Samuel, if you want to!”

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I am extremely tired.”

“Not at all! I have a spare set of pajamas if you wanna borrow them.” I offered, moving around the bed and plucking a pair of lounge pants and an oversized Tshirt from my suitcase and throwing them at Lucy since it would probably hurt him to raise his arms.

“Well the thing is, I might bleed on the shirt.” He said, looking around awkwardly.

“Meh, what’s a little blood between friends? But here, use this one and keep it.” I went to my suitcase and pulled out an extra large black Adore merch shirt, throwing that one to Lucy.”

“Really?” He exclaimed, looking like someone just gave him a million bucks.

“Yep.”

“Thank you!” He said and yawned.

“Ok you go put those on young man and I’ll make up the couch with fresh linens since I know where to find them now.”

About 20 minutes later, Lucy tucked her big bro in and a nurse came in to give Lucy her sleep and pain meds. I curled up with Violet, holding their petite body up against mine. “I really actually love you Jason. Oh and I have to go to the Doctor tomorrow at 1 about my hand. Please don’t let me forget.”

“I’ll remind you.” Jason said sleepily, “I really actually love you too. Thanks for suggesting that Samuel stay for the night. You’re the best.”

Jason sighed and was asleep within minutes. I stayed awake for a bit thinking of all the things I had to do to pull off the surprise that was in my head. The pain meds were pulling me down to sleep and I was happy that my hand wasn’t throbbing with every beat of my heart.

[forbiddenwords]

Stranded (Chapter 1)

Written By: TheHeathenSlave Rating: M for Plane crash, injury, survival, desert island, stranded, drug usage, drinking, alcohol, awkward flirting, voyeurism, watersports, fetish, sexual tension, extreme illness, graphic, puss, wound cleaning, surgery, vomiting, oral sex, fluff, angst, romance, drug usage, assault, near death, happy ending. Fandom: Real Person Fiction (Hours Era But Modern Day)

She never thought that a trans Atlantic flight could end in perfect paradise with David Bowie. Well…almost perfect paradise.

It was going to be a long flight and she was well aware of that. Even in business class, it didn’t seem like the most appealing thing in the universe. Oh well, it would just be a few hours right? If she took a sleeping pill and helped herself to the complimentary champagne service, she’d be out for most of the 10 hours that she was going to be forced to sit in one place. By the time the plane was about to take off she’d already had two glasses of champagne and a larger dose of ativan than usually advised (but she didn’t care since she was a doctor). Just as she drifted off she was sure she saw a familiar face smiling at her from just across the row. He was kind of fuzzy. Did she know him? Whatever, she’d bought two seats here just so she could stretch out and she was damn well going to make use of them.

Suddenly she was cold, wet, soaking wet. It was freezing. What the hell happened? She let out a loud scream, or rather tried to, it was quickly filled with water. Panicked, she flailed around a bit and started to swim. It was near the break of dawn, the sun just rising on the horizon and nothing but water as far as the eye could see. At least when it came to some sort of land mass. Otherwise all around her was debris. Some of it flaming. The plane? When had any of this even happened? How? Had she honestly slept through a plane crash? That wasn’t possible, right? Okay, maybe it was since she’d been completely trashed before the plane even got in the air.

She reached out and grabbed a piece of luggage floating by and used it to keep herself up. Her wrist just had to be broken, luckily it wasn’t on her dominant hand or she would have been fucked. There were bodies around. Bodies and body parts. Her stomach lurched but she managed to hold down the vomit. She didn’t know much about sharks or other predatory sea animals but she didn’t think it would be a great idea to vomit right now. Was anyone still alive? Someone had to be. Please let someone be alive. Using the luggage to keep herself above water she began to kick her legs to move herself away from some of the more intense flames. It wasn’t long before she came across a raft. It was floating there, in it’s tiny little contained package. With quite a bit of effort she managed to pull the cord. The thing was sturdy, actually let her small frame climb into it with only a it of energy expended. That was one problem solved.

“Hello?” She called, her voice weaker than she wanted it to be. She started to cough heavily and ended up vomiting anyway, right over the side of the raft. “Dammit.” She whispered and wiped her mouth with the back of her uninjured hand. She started to paddle as much as she could with her good arm. Anything that floated by she picked up and tossed into the raft. Since the thing was meant for about twelve people, she was going to have more than enough room to carry things with her. She doubted there were even twelve people alive. Not even three. She saw no movement other than the flames coming from the wreckage. Quickly she was losing hope that she was even going to make it out of this.

Each body she passed she was sure to give a good shake, but nothing. There was no response. Just as panic was starting to inch into her mind the raft shook violently causing her to scream. She looked over across the way, scrambling back a bit to try to keep the thing from tipping as another person climbed in. A man. His shaggy hair hanging in his face. He was clutching his side, there was something sticking out of it. Seemed he was struggling for breath. He collapsed on his back in the small space left where she hadn’t been stacking bags and other supplies that might become useful in the next few days. Once the shock had subsided, she scrambled over to him and looked down at his injury.

“I’m a doctor.” She said, “Let me help.”

“I’d say it was my lucky day but I was just in a plane crash.” He muttered and let out a grim chuckle. His accent was British and his voice was deep, two things she didn’t expect at all from this tall skinny man. But, she recognized him, the face that was smiling across the isle from her? She’d seen him before right? It didn’t matter, she had to help him first.

“Well…I suppose you could call this a streak of luck during a very unlucky day.” She laughed softly. “Hang on, I picked up a large first aid kit.” It was a huge one, attached to buoys, most likely just in case of a water landing or crash. She found it and opened it, pulling a flashlight and some other materials. It had been sealed so no water had actually gotten into it. Everything inside was dry, untouched. She turned on the flashlight and shone it over his injury. There was a piece of metal stuck in him and there was no way of telling how deep it was. She’d have to make a few educated guesses.

“Is it hard to breathe?” She asked.

“I would say so.” He laughed and then winced. She smiled at him gently and pushed some hair out of his face.

“Your eye its…”

“No that was…it’s been like that for a while it didn’t happen in the crash.” He said. “Just…take the metal out.”

“Okay okay but I mean…I need to make sure it’s not in your lung.”

“Could I talk if it were?” He replied. He did have a point, and it annoyed her because she was supposed to be the doctor here. The thing was, she wasn’t a clinical doctor. She was a forensic psychiatrist for the FBI. All she ever did was autopsies which meant working on already dead people. Though she had the qualifications to work on living people and the knowledge to save lives, it was definitely not something she did every day. Especially not after a plane crash.

“Right.” she said, “So can you take in a deep breath for me and let it out slowly?” She asked him. He nodded and did as she asked, wincing a bit but he was able to get in a full breath and let it out. There was no way that thing was too deep in there, or at least hitting anything vital if that were the case.

“Take it out?”

“Alright but if you bleed out…”

“I probably would have anyway, do you think help is really going to come any time soon? Even if you leave it in out of precaution? I’m consenting to the treatment pull the fucking thing out of me.” He growled. Her mouth was dry, and the taste in there was still bitter from the vomit. She just nodded and grabbed the metal, pulling it out. Thankfully, it really was only stuck in there about two inches. She quickly grabbed some gauze and unwrapped it before pressing it over the wound and holding it there tightly.

“You might need stitches but first we are going to hope the bleeding stops on its own, mostly because I haven’t got crap to stitch you up with. Might be able to find some super glue though.”

“Are you mad?”

“That’s originally what it was invented for.” She informed him, “Or you know, you could just die. Pretty sure you’d make very nice fish bait once I get desperate.”

“Very funny.” He muttered and then coughed.

“Hold this gauze there, my wrist is broken I need to find a way to splint it.” She said, grabbing one of his hands with her uninjured hand and putting it in place. “Apply as much pressure as you can without causing yourself too much pain, okay?”

“Yes yes.” He rolled his eyes and moved onto his back. “You didn’t recognize me before.”

“Don’t really recognize you now, to be honest, then again my mind isn’t in a place where I need to be freaking out at celebrities.” She muttered and started to go through more of the first aid supplies. There wasn’t anything in there she could use as a splint, she was going to have to improvise.

“So you at least admit to knowing I am a celebrity.” He asked. “Yet somehow you don’t recognize me.”

“Look…sir…”

“Sir? That’s a new one. I’m not old enough for you to be calling sir, ma’am.”

“Okay I am not old enough to be a ma’am I’m 38.” She snapped at him.

“So how exactly do you think I feel being called sir?”

“You are at least in your 50’s.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He said, “Look the point is I’m actually kind of glad you don’t know who I am. Saves me the trouble of having to deal with some kind of fan girl in this situation.”

“Oh?” She asked, “Well, you ever consider I might be famous as well?”

“Don’t recognize you.”

“Not famous in America. Not really. More it’s my family name that is. In any case, I’ve met a lot of celebrities each less impressive than the last. I hate to break it to you…guy…but you’re still a human being. You don’t shit chocolate ice cream because the whole world knows your name.”

Finally her hands settled on a ruler. Not sure why that was among the bags and debris. Maybe an architect or school teacher was traveling with it. No matter, it would work as a splint for now. The guy started to make some weird noise and at first she thought he was choking but then realized it was just a very weak and pained laugh. Ignoring him for the moment, she broke the ruler in half, which wasn’t easy, and used the combination of that and an ace bandage to tightly splint her wrist. No help from him either. He just lay there holding his side and laughing.

“Going to tell me what’s so funny now?” She asked, finally being able to rest back against the side of the raft and take a few deep breaths.

“If I had to get stranded, I’m glad it’s with the one person who isn’t impressed with what I do.” He said, “Maybe it is my lucky day. Wonder if the world will be convinced I’m dead. Now that, that would be interesting.”

“Oh…?” She asked and looked at him, squinting her eyes a bit as the sun rose more and light became more useful. “David Bowie?”

“You guessed right. Only took you…lets see…you passed out right before the plane took off so five hours or so?” He asked, “Congratulations, thought I was going to have to tell you.”

“Okay I was passed out for…how long were we in the air?”

“About three hours. Think the engine exploded.”

“You mean one of the engines, there isn’t just one engine on a plane like that. Whatever. I was passed out for three of those hours so really it took me ten minutes, and 9 of those minutes consisted of pulling metal out of your side and splinting my wrist.”

“Fair point.” He said. “So, what do we do now?”

“Look for land and hope that maybe there’s some kind of radio or beacon that is going off that a rescue team can follow to find us.” She sighed and closed her eyes trying to ignore the agonizing pain in her wrist. “Just shut up and let me think for a moment.”

The moment was longer than she meant it to be. A lot longer. The next thing she knew she was waking up because David was pushing at her side with his foot. One of her eyes opened and she noticed the sun was high over head. They weren’t anywhere near the debris of the plane, they must have drifted. There wasn’t even luggage floating in the water, there was, however, much more luggage in the raft. A ton more. David must have grabbed some more before collapsing back in place. At least he’d thought to do that. They would need as much as they could get, especially food. Seemed to be quite a bit of that.

“What?” She muttered. God her mouth was dry. Her other eye opened and she looked around. In the large first aid kit she had grabbed and opened before passing out, there was a bottle of water. She grabbed it and without thinking too much, tried to twist open the top. Then she screamed in pain and dropped the thing.

“Hey hey, careful.” He said, and grabbed the bottle as it rolled towards him. He sat up, carefully, opened it, and held it towards her. “I see land.” She took the bottle and took a few small sips. It was tempting to gulp it down but she knew it would just make her sick if she did that.

“Where?” She asked. He pointed behind her and she turned. He wasn’t wrong. There was land there but it was very questionable if it was inhabited land. Well, civilized in-habitation. Most likely it was just some random island. It would still be better than staying in a boat. More food sources, possible fresh water. If not they could always boil some or…well it was better than what they had now. “Come on we have to try to paddle this raft towards it.”

“Are you serious?”

“Are you serious about not doing that?” She asked. He gave her a look and shifted onto his knees. Then he grabbed the bottle of water from her and took a few sips himself. While he did that, she looked around in the boat for anything that could work was somewhat of a paddle. Nothing. Damn. In desperation (and maybe a bit of stupidity, she jumped into the water and got behind the raft starting to push it as she swam in the right direction.

“You want help with that?” David asked.

“I wouldn’t advise jumping back into the water with that wound in your chest.” She called. “Did it stop bleeding?”

“Yes.”

“Good. You don’t want to risk opening it again just…navigate.” She told him.

“Alright.” He said.

This plan worked for a good while, somewhat. She was exhausted but her will to survive was overpowering her will to pass out and give up. By the time she was nearly completely out of energy they were almost to the island. It was only about a thousand yards away. David had to help her back into the raft where she collapsed again, her lungs burning and her body aching like she never thought possible before. He handed her the bottle of water then started to use his hands to paddle. Progress was slow but they were getting there. Hopefully the tide would eventually catch them and wash them onto shore instead of insisting on pushing them back out.

“T-Thank you.” She whispered.

“Thank you. I think we’d have been fucked if you didn’t do something that crazy.” He told her, shifting from one side of the raft to the other to make sure they didn’t go off course. “What was your name again?”

“Again? Did I even tell you before? Sorry, it’s Leila.” She whispered and took a few more sips of water. “Hopefully you have some idea about survival on a deserted island.”

“Really? You think that’s what David Bowie does with his time? Camping?”

“No but I guess I was hoping. I read something online about you reading every book you could ever get your hands on. The odds being what they are because of your age, one of them could have been about survival.” She said.

“Possibly, but it would also come down to how much I remember said book and I haven’t read one like that recently. What about you?” He asked.

“I’m an FBI agent.” She said, “Hunting and fishing are a hobby, hiking as well. Don’t really camp too much but I have a general idea how to survive in a situation such as this.”

“Well, we should be fine then. You do all the work and I’ll provide the entertainment.” He laughed. She smiled and pushed some hair out of her face. This was one of those times that she realized it was just too long. Down to her waist and in the way more than she needed it to be. This was what prompted her to go through the bags until she found a scrunchy to pull it into a ponytail. By that point, they were nearly there and the waves had caught them pushing them up towards the beach.

“When we get close enough, I’ll hop out and pull us the rest of the way. Don’t get out until we are on land, I don’t want that cut to open up.” She said.

“You’re bossy.” He smiled, “but, can’t complain much.”

“Better not.” She muttered and then snickered, not being able to help herself. Of all the places she never thought she’d end up, it was on an island after a plane crash alone and with David Bowie. Perhaps she’d been wrong about how unlucky this situation was. At least for herself. She could honestly use the time off. How bad could it really be?

Next Chapters.

[cltwtb-blog]

Hi, I’m old.

I saw strange aeon’s video on the whole tc thing - obv she has a tumblr as well but i don’t know what it is, haha. Anyway, I’ll get to the point. 

To all the teens out there in love with your teachers - I’ve been there too. I understand how much it sucks. Obviously every situation is unique but the general theme is wanting somebody who isn’t allowed to want you back, even if they did. Which, to be clear, they probably don’t, If I were a teacher, I’d much rather have a wank and remain employed. 

I wanted to write this because I did feel like, wow, I don’t know her name, but Strange AEons’ reactions were, while not “wrong” per se - not entirely empathetic. 

The main thing I want to say is - even if it were to happen, you would both regret it; maybe not immediately, but you would. I never dated a teacher (boy did I want to), but my first boyfriend was 30 years my senior - I was 17 at the time. But hear me out.

The thing with relationships like that, is that (as SA said) you aren’t equals - no matter how much you think you are. And a teacher/student dynamic, while it can be hot af, is neither healthy nor fulfilling. At the risk of sounding condescending, as a graduate student in developmental neurology I can truly say that your brain isn’t developed in some really specific and nuanced ways - no matter what you’ve been through, you might have a lot of foresight but there is some inexplicable element of wherewithal that you really don’t get until your 20s (sometimes later).

(tl’dr this paragraph is neuroscience warning) (If you’re curious, your brain finishes sorting itself out from a caudal (near your neck) to rostral (above your eyes) direction - the frontal part of your brain (maturing in your 20s) is involved in complex executive function like empathy and planning. Your emotions, however, are a bit earlier to mature; so to put it (very) simply, emotional maturity is not the only factor in how “ready” or “right” you are/it is to have a relationship with such a massive social connotation attached to it.

(neuroscience over) 

Let me tell you my story. I met David when I was 16, having snuck into a nightclub. He was 47. I’d always been attracted exclusively to older guys; I was lucky in that it had never been a struggle or anything for me to accept that. But I digress. 

David, believing I was 18 (legal bar entry age here - also the age of consent is 16), was very charming and gentlemanly. He was here for work, he was married  (to a woman - she didn’t know he was gay) - he could easily have been a teacher. He wasn’t pushy, and I was there with friends, so nothing ended up happening that night. I’d given him my MSN (throwback!) and we talked on there the next day. We were both also avid gamers so we got to know each other over the next few months very well over a lot of Halo. 

We met in November, then he came back (he was a 3 hour flight away, a different country) the next February. Suffice to say we both disappeared for the weekend (i was still in the last year of high school - notably less interested in the teachers though, ha). I turned 17 that March, and in April, during a holiday, he came back and we disappeared again, this time for over a week. Keep in mind the whole time his wife believed he was at a conference. 

Over these months I became extremely lost in my (our) own little world. This wasn’t to do with the age so much but I did want to mention it because looking back I see I neglected a lot of my friends because I was obsessing over this one person whom I loved so deeply that truly nothing else mattered. By April I was heavily anorexic, and I thought as much about food (and not eating it) as i did of David. I wanted to be perfect for him.

I’ve just realised I’ve gone a bit off topic to the tc theme so I’ll skip ahead a bit. 

We end up together, and we couldn’t be happier (minus the crying and screaming phonecalls from his wife) (I know. Married men...) We have a place, he’s working the same job, after about half a year of adjusting and being in love I decide I’m going to start studying. 

The one line from this time that really reverberates in my mind was “I like my boys to look like boys”. It was funny, at first. I was a very feminine boy to start with, long and thin (still very anorexic - 6′2 and 53kg (don’t know what that is in lb sorry), with long blonde hair, armed with Maybelline dream matte mousse and some mascara. I wasn’t trans (was I? I was still figuring that out - but that’s another story), but I did enjoy playing with makeup on my self, a lot. 

David didn’t mind at first. But a subtle narrative began to arise over the later months. It was a narrative of “I’m the boss” on his part, and “I’m bored so I’m rebelling” on mine. It’s hard to describe so I can only really explain examples. 

When you’re a teen obsessed with someone, and you don’t really know what a relationship is, the boundaries can be a little grey. When you’re an adult and you’ve grown up in toxic/abusive/jealous relationships your whole life, you mightn’t know any different or better. While I cringe heavily to think about it now; we were both obsessed to the point we would read each other’s phones. I don’t know if it was trust or jealousy or what. But it was mutual - for a time. As the months progressed I grew weary of it. I’d never have cheated on him, and as the months passed I assumed he would never have cheated on me, so I lost interest in his phone. But he kept on checking mine. 

I didn’t have any friends there. We joined Grindr and had a profile for both of us, just looking for friends. We met a few people, they were alright, one in particular stood out to me. Cody was super cool, a runway model, super nice, etc. He invited me to parties a fair bit. I never went - at first I didn’t want to, because David was self-conscious (likely beingnearly 30 years older than everyone else there). But with time I did want to go, I was bored and there are only so many videogames one could play, and weed one could smoke, before one becomes restless. So I took Cody up on his offer. David was furious. He didn’t explicitly say no, but he emotionally made it very clear he did not approve. 

I don’t think it was intentional, there were so many aspects of out relationship that were unhealthy looking back now, but he was as oblivious to a lot of it as I. Was he just keeping me stoned 24/7 to fuck me? Was he emotionally blackmailing me when I tried to escape his control? Did he realise how much I loved him, how much I cared and would never have cheated on him? Did he consider how young I was, how I might have been a little naive or not ready to leave home to a new country with no friends and no plan? 

And I know you could easily say “Well it’s your life, you’re a fucking idiot for dropping out of high school (did I mention that?) and eloping with no plan” - and to that I would reply, yes, but love makes you an idiot with no plan. 

I hope I am getting across just how negative this became. Those are just a few examples but it started to feel like if I didn’t conform to his idea of “be a good boy (emphasis on “boy”), stay at home, relax” that I.. Well, I didn’t know. I still haven’t entirely resolved everything in my head and I’ve had a fair bit of baggage when it comes to relationships ever since.

A part of the lack of resolution was how David and I came to end. We were still ok afterwards and he told me later he had been suspecting something, but he came home early one day to find me doing a webcam show. I was exploring a few things I won’t mention here but suffice it to say David, in his absolute well-meaning vanillarity (it’s a word now ok cool) would have never been in to. Maybe he would have tried things for me, but I knew he would never actually be “into” it; maybe it was just in my head. Or maybe I’m just making excuses for him. Either way, more repression of a then-18 year old, still figuring out life and sex and gender etc. 

Whether it was out of a need for control (and not in a hot way) or just out of incompatibility, I would say the overarching theme of the latter days of our relationship was “suppression”. Looking back I feel like I was controlled, manipulated, repressed, emotionally abused - and it was entirely consentual. 

I just... I hope my story speaks for itself, I’m probably missing a lot as it was a while ago and it’s hard to think back to then, but please, tc community, have all the wet dreams you want, and maybe some of you will have a fuck, or a fling, but dear god do not expect to spend your life with someone who might not even be teaching you next year. It’s delusional. As kind and sexy and dominant and whatever the fuck you want that they are, it’s really not worth it. When it’s all over, you get left with three broken hearts (his, mine, wife), and enough baggage to sail around the world with - not to mention potential ruined careers, jail if you’re a minor, infamy (not the good kind), potentially debt for court fees, broken families, who knows. 

(names were changed btw)

[roughentumble]

a freaky and disorienting thing is that ive realized that, as i accept more and more that i am a trans guy and thats ok, the more i sympathize w/ male characters that are just........ objectively The Worst. like i suffered through the ENTIRETY of Just Friends(2005) for Ryan Reynolds, and-- actually, hold on a sec, before i get back to the point i gotta take a quick sidebar to explain the pain, the TORTURE that is Just Friends, the 2005 film starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart, and written by Adam 'Tex' Davis. 

i had to watch it muted for like 90% of the film. the intensity of the “cringe” aspect of this film that bills itself as a “cringe “”””comedy””””” was so off-the-charts that i physically could not stop myself from vocalizing my discomfort through groans and screeches. i would mute the film, turn the screen away, play on my phone for a minute because i literally could not handle seeing the rest of the scene, only to turn my computer back around and find it STILL ON THE EXACT SAME SCENE. i skipped entire swathes of the film. it literally got to the point that i could not handle what was happening and i just--

i gave up! i gave up and i just skipped forward until i found scenes i thought i could handle, or that featured two people Talking instead of some Event Happening, and i’d watch that, and then the scene would change and i’d be in Suffer Town again, population 1: me. Me is the only inhabitant of Suffer Town. so much of the movie hinges so thoroughly on like-- like. A Person Failing At A Thing They’re Good At. and it made me want to die. i think this movie gave me depression, on top of my preexisting depression. it squared my depression. 

OKAY, back to my original point. or like, a mixture of explaining The Film, and explaining why my own reaction to it startled me so much. anyway.

so, ignoring the intense amount of Suffering you’ll have to live through if you’re bound and determined to watch ryan reynold’s entire filmography and you get to this monstrosity, the gist of the plot is thus: ryan reynolds plays a man who was a Stock Dweeb Character in high school. overweight, very low self-esteem, “uncool” hobbies, a very uncomfortable fixation on the one pretty girl who is nice to him and hangs out with him(who herself is dating a Stock Jerk Jock Football Player, who we’ll call SJJ, because I can’t remember his name and he doesn’t matter). on their graduation night they throw a party, he signs her yearbook with a Love Confession, and intends to give it to her.

something something The Yearbooks Accidentally Get Swapped, something something She Reads The Wrong Note And Goes “Um. Wtf My Dude????”. cue him going “NOO I DIDNT WRITE THAT WHAT? WHAT? WAIT OH NOOOO!!!”. cue him running downstairs and seeing SJJ reading his confession aloud to a chorus of twittering classmates.

so yeah, he’s embarrassed, the whole school’s laughing at him because of Course. he runs from the party yelling that he’s going to “be somebody” and also something about how the rest of them will never be anybody. ya’know. that usual thing you see Generic Stock Nerds saying when their feelings are real hurt in movies. 

cut to the future. he looks like ryan reynolds in 2005, so, you know. Really Fucking Good. like, Only Reason To Watch This Garbage Film levels of good. like, They Should Have Given Him Shirtless Scenes As Payment For Me Sitting Through The Rest Of It kinda’ fine. anyway. he’s hot and beautiful and is a talent manager for celebrities. he’s all rich and attractive, and he’s a complete sack of garbage to women. 

he’s actively horrified of the “friendzone”(im cringing right now just writing the word. its so awful) and he’s really not interested in women above a surface level. we see a woman at a bar who’s clearly his date telling him that he’s the Worst and that he needs to see women as people. as she talks he is disinterested at best. she walks away and another lady, who’s overheard the conversation, looks him up and down and decides she doesn’t really care what he’s like because he’s pretty, they flirt, and suddenly he’s been broken up with and acquired a NEW date in the span of about a minute of screentime.

he gets women basically wherever he goes, because he’s only really interested in a specific type of person and(i promise this is the last time i say it) because he looks like 2005 ryan reynolds. 

so because of some Plot Devices, he ends up back in his hometown and unable to get a plane out. he sees SJJ who is now a washed-up drunkard who wears his old varsity jacket around because Of Course. ryan finds him offputting, as do i, and it’s one of the few nearly funny scenes in the film, just because i enjoy juxtaposition and so(despite it being the most boilerplate, run-of-the-mill, dull point to make in a film) it actually was something i didn’t hate to see. 

he also sees Pretty Girl From High School. they semi-hit it off. she’s shocked that he looks Like That(i know i promised not to mention it again but it’s a legit plot point this time leave me alone), he’s shocked she still looks Like That. they agree to get food the next day. 

ryan acts like a bit of a dick, name-dropping celebs he works with left and right, and getting really aggressive when a waitress drops off a plate of his old usual(a really fattening pancake... thing. it looked gross tbqh.) and like, ok, so, i just, here’s where i--

okay. okay. okay. okay. in Ye Olde Days, i wouldve written him off as a douche, and hated him, and, i. i

i couldnt help but, feel, SO bad for him???? like. okay. he just. he had NO self-esteem as a teen. he felt extremely bad about himself, for a TON of reasons, so he literally ran away and reinvented himself entirely and, found a marginal amount of enjoyment from his life???? like, was he happy? no. but he was... he hated himself a little less maybe? he worked really hard to feel good about his body, he worked really hard to get a job he felt any semblance of pride in, he worked REALLY hard to eventually get to a place where he could feel... literally anything positive at any point. he genuinely truly put in real effort to become healthy and have a good career.

and then he, he gets stuck back at his old house, and people are trying to force him to eat food that makes him feel awful and then mocking him when he gets defensive about it, he gets injured and needs to go back to wearing his retainer again, he openly fails at a BUNCH of stuff that he’s specifically been working REALLY FUCKIN HARD AT, for YEARS, because he was insecure about being bad at it in high school(like ice skating, he’s really good at it now because he sucked in high school and he wanted to overcome that), and then also receives more mocking for failing at it, and. you just.

you’re watching someone who was at the bottom of a pit of despair, who clawed tooth and nail at the clay walls of their misery-prison in order to haul themselves all the way up to the lofty height of “misery pit again, but different this time”, as they get caught in a downpour that completely erases all their progress and they slide right back to where they started. you see him completely regress and it K I L L E D me. he gets stuck back in a place where every single flaw he tried to overcome is just! shoved! back! on him! all over!

and, yeah, he’s. not great to women. he’s not beating them or anything, i don’t think he treats them SUPER badly, or actively thinking of them as lesser. but it doesn’t change the fact that he is BAD to them, and he thinks of all interactions with attractive women as transactional. and thats TERRIBLE. but i just!!! i cant help myself man i cant stop i just i look at him and all i feel is like!!!!!!! 

leave him alone!!!!!!!!!!! get the boy therapy or something!!! dont tear him down like this!!!!!!! we cant just tear someone down every time they make a semblance of an attempt at being Not Miserable!!!!!!!! just!!!!! he doesnt need this, man!!!!! hes literally just The Saddest Person with The Lowest Self Esteem Of All Time, so he uses his newfound ability to find people willing to sleep with him, as a way of raising his self esteem. is he the Best Person? not on your life. but he’s just! a sad little man! who’s trying his best! i dont wanna see him torn to shreds, man. i just want him to realize that his self-worth doesn’t have to rely entirely on whether or not he’s sexually appealing.

because at the end of the day, i think that’s his major problem??? his own self-worth is so thoroughly wrapped up in whether he perceives himself as someone who’s sexually appealing to others. 

which like! fuck you! thats considered a Big Problem and So Sad when it’s a girl, if she feels her only self-worth comes from being sexually attractive to men, but, it feels like every time i see a dude goin thru somethin similar, its like “oh hes just a Bad.” and i get it, not only do men have the societal power in this equation, but also when theyre dealin with this same problem, dudes tend to externalize it in really unhealthy and sexist ways, and im not. im not saying every sexist dude just needs a manic pixie dream girl to waltz into his life or some shit!!! im just!!!!!!!!!! idk!!!

i just cant stop sympathizing w/ the dude. and wanting him to get Help. and suffering immensely when i see him literally regressing into a place of misery right before my very eyes. 

when really all i was supposed to get from the movie is “man was Fat and Gross. he grow up 2 b Sexist Womanizer. now he see old crush and learn Sexism Bad. then kissy”