#i finalyl have to come out and do it

[chevvy-yates]

For the Cyberpsychosis Ask:

Can i get for Ryder please:

1: Demons of War: Is there a job that has left a permanent mark on your OC?

4: Ticket to the Major Leagues: How did they react to their first chrome? (Not including the neurosocket, shard slot and wrist plug).

12: Phantom of Night City: What does your OC believe about death and what comes after?

Well, ofc you can <3

Demons of War: Is there a job that has left a permanent mark on your OC?

Yeah there is one. I'm not talking about a merc job on this one as this was long before Ry became a merc: he was forced to start a career as consultant at Militech through his father directly after finishing school from end of 2068–70. He struggled a right at the start and hated it. Getting up way too early, spending every day at the desk with numbers and lists, jumping from one meeting to another, tablet in his hands, checking numbers again and again, 40h plus, 5 days a week, repeat. I mentioned it in another ask that Ry has arithmophobia (fear of numbers). As it was required to calculate his job begun to literally haunt him to a point (alongside the bullying which I'll come to down further) he couldn't go to work anymore because it was too much for him as he knew he would fuck up and get yelled at by his colleagues, brother and father. He felt in a totally wrong place ever since he started working (as this is all forced onto him - he would never have chosen to learn and do this job). He continuously made mistakes and colleagues started to make fun of that as well. He's been made fun of everything he did a normal copro should easily be albe to handle. Wilhelm (his father) gave Karl (Ry's brother) all the important tasks and let Ryder do only simple ones since Wilhelm eventually sees his son turned out to be just a lousy scallywag — baggage that needed to be carried through the family. Ryder received no value, always disdain. It didn’t matter if he did something good or bad. Everyday he felt more and more unwell and depression hit him constantly. He was often ill because he had no strength to go to work. Every day felt like torture to get up and go to into the office with him already expecting to be yelled at every corner. He got eventually away from this life after another major event I'll let out here or it gets too long. But if you happen to be a true corpo and sniff out that Ryder hides his corpo roots and mention the street didn't wash the corpo off of him yet it can instantly hit a spot that is capable to throw Ry right back into a depression phase. He's not that strong as he looks. He can crack easily. Ry always felt he never belonged to corpo world he always saw himself more like a streetkid and wished to be one so badly, then he finally had the guts to change his life, changed so much on himself too, worked so hard on it and can at least feel finally content and proud and that he accomplished something for once, for the better, his own wellbeing and comfort. Everyone sees him like he always wished for, no one sees through he's of corpo origin. It's enough to tear down what he build up the past years. It's potential to question his whole life once again.

Ticket to the Major Leagues: How did they react to their first chrome? (Not including the neurosocket, shard slot and wrist plug).

Oh, Ryder's first chrome have been blue Kiroshi optics when he turned 18. He has inherent astigmatism in two different stages which required him to wear glasses and/or contact lenses. So when he was finalyl allowed to change that he went for the Kiroshi optics first and definitely was a bit scared but also super curious about his new sharp sight he would have. Also the very first cyberware as he always wanted to have one but was never allowed to. His family does not like cyberware and they only use Kiroshi, if at all. Since it was super expensive good tech Ryder reacted fine to his new optics and everything worked excellent. He's had a little headdache for the rest of the day but it didn't feel any different for him when he compared it to his organic eyes. The vision was just very very sharp now compared to before was a thing he needed to get used to.

Phantom of Night City: What does your OC believe about death and what comes after?

Ryder is not the sort of who believes in reincarnation after you die and he's not religious. Neither did he believe in hell or heaven for many years. But once Beast took control over him, he started seeing something else: He sees that the brink between reality and the networld is so merged together through cyberware he believes there’s indeed some dark place in the net somewhere there where everyone goes who has ever connected with it, that your souls definitely gets digitalized after you die. The more cyberware and the more your foot into cyberspace is, the easier it is getting soaked into it later when you die. He thinks that there is evil beings in the net (AI's) that leech after souls and they take everyone they can get. And only a few very good runners or those connected with these AI's cann feel and even see them, if they do not fear them as it's probably the most dangerous thing you can meet in cyberspace.

[hauntedwoman]

Sorry if this is too personal. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Whats it like being Autistic? When did you realize you were Autistic?

no it's not too personal at all !!

i guess what autism really feels like for me is just constantly feeling like im battling my brain to get the most basic stuff done. i have really bad executive dysfunction and i get crippling task paralysis all the time. like, for example, if i need to take a shower and i have no clean clothes, but someone else is washing their clothes in the laundry machine, i'll have a meltdown bc there's nothing i can do to get what i need to do done. i also have a very specific routine when it comes to showering like when and how i shower. like if i've just washed my hair and my mom asks me to help her outside with something i'll freak out bc that means i'll have to shower again (which is something i don't rly enjoy doing in the first place).

i also have several sensory issues, esp when it comes to smells and sounds. i don't like dogs bc they usually smell bad to me and they're loud. i don't like children for the same reason + the fact that they're very unpredictable. it's also rly rly hard for me to leave my house most of the time bc if i leave the house and get overstimulated i'll have a panic attack or i'll disassociate severely to cope with the overstimulation and still end up having a panic attack.

and in addition to all of that, it's also very hard for me to make friends or form meaningful relationships. personally with my autism, i have lower empathy levels. i'm not really interested in the people around me unless i'm looking for patterns in their behavior so i can assess how to interact with them. i'm not generally curious about other people and their interests and when people get rly emotional around me i tend to go non-verbal and freeze up bc i don't know how to deal with those sorts of things. i also have a tendency to hyperfixate/hyperfocus on new relationships and it's rly exhausting when that happens bc i completely abandon every other aspect of myself and my interests just to think about that person all the time.

on top of all of that, i'm also constantly masking my excitement towards certain things and masking my behaviors so that they fit into a neurotypical standard. i don't let myself get too excited when a special interest is mentioned, i tend to compose myself in a very aloof and indifferent way to combat my tendencies to act neurodivergently.

this is already getting way too long i'm sorry but i suspected that i was autistic probably when quarantine started in 2020. i knew that i already have adhd but the more i researched autism and how it presents in girls/women i realized i identified a lot with the symptoms (is that the right word ? idk.) and last september i finalyl got a professional psych eval done and i got diagnosed.

i hope that answered your question. there's probably a lot more that i have forgotten considering autism impacts every single part of my life bc the way my brain is wired is fundamentally different, but i can't think of everything right now.

[ayellowcurtain]

Could you write something about mayla’s first date after all this situation is solved?

A real date I think it’s gonna take a while. I hope it will, at least. 

But when it happens, they won’t act like it’s a “real” date. They’re close friends, it’s been months, Lola is finally starting to be more aware of herself and her recovery and she’s making conscious decisions to make herself better. So it feels like the right time to start trying again, from the start. 

Lola wants to be together already and she knows Maya wants it too so one day they’re all at this urbex party and Lola goes to sit next to Max. He rolls his eyes because he knows this is Lola or Maya coming to him again to ask for help. 

“Can you pretend like we canceled all our plans to hang out tomorrow?” Max frowns, looking at her, drinking his beer. 

“What? What’s going on?” Lola sighs and rolls her eyes too, checking and Maya is still far away, talking to Jo and some other guy Lola doesn’t care to know. 

“I’ll ask Maya to go on a date tomorrow, but I don’t want to put all this pressure on it. So if we cancel the plans for tomorrow, I can pretend like we should do something together instead.” 

“So you’re gonna lie to her...” Max teases and Lola really looks at him until he breaks and laughs. 

“It’s a tiny lie. And only for a moment. Once we’re...alone, on a date, I’ll tell her about this conversation.” Maya and Jo start walking to them and Lola turns around just a little so they can’t see what she’s saying to Max. 

“Just cancel the plans, please.” 

And she stands up to meet the girls, ignoring how Maya is looking at her and at Max, clearly noticing something is up. 

Max cancels the plans just because he’s tired of being some type of love god for these two. So the sooner they get together, the better for Max. 

It’s not even a fancy date, but it’s just the meaning behind it. Lola wants to be in a relationship with Maya, for real this time. 

She was having some cooking classes with Baz so Lola feels confident that she can make them dinner, to show Maya that she cares and that she’s trying. 

Lola told Daphné her plans and she talked to Thierry. Daphné will sleep at Baz’s place and their dad will work, so he won’t come home until the next morning. She cleans her bedroom like she’s never done before. Daphné even comes and changes some things, “trying to make it homier,” she explained as Lola tried to push her out of the bedroom, but it did look better, brighter, less cluttered.  

When she was finalyl alone, Lola grabbed some snacks, thermos with some delicious, strong coffee, a bottle of water. A makeshift breakfast if they end up going to her bedroom after dinner. 

Maya texts her when she gets there and Lola rushes to look at herself in the mirror one last time, texting Daphné that Maya is there so she doesn’t worry. 

When she opens the door, Maya is there, smiling, clearly noticing the candles and the lights turned off right away. 

“I knew this wasn’t an accident!” 

[oxnardsart]

Oh so apparently today’s the last day of E3! Oops, thought it was tomorrow.

No bingo! I tried to keep my list about my best hopes this year. It was unbelievable! Banjo Kazooie was the highlight, I’m still stunned. After all these years they’re in Smash of all things. I’ve been into Banjo for a long time and it’s great to see him where he belongs. Totally unexpected.

Spyro’s coming to the Switch! I’ve waited... a year? It feels like longer. Maybe we knew about Reignited for 2 years? That website said it was coming to the Switch and then took it down. No news forever. And randomly up again. Thank goodness.

SUPER LUCKY’S TALE. I love this frickin’ fox. And to think we’re even getting a definitive version with 360 camera angles and new levels and all the cute DLC. It was a frickin’ long wait, adoring this fox forever and not able to play his games. The switch is perfect for furry platformers, I’m so glad it finalyl happened.

I’m still surprised there was no other deal with the Xbox pass rumor. Guess I’m not playing Conker or Rare Replay on the Switch. Same with the other Switch models, mini and pro! Maybe they’re all delayed or weren’t real. 

I’m glad I learned more about Tunic. KH3 DLC sounds awesome, same with more FF7 news. It was a long wait but E3 had some really awkward moments. But for the most part those are rare with the cleaned up presentations. Ubisoft sorta disappointed me since they didn’t have a cool Nintendo project, but they do have some other cool projects. (:

I’m glad we got to see more Doug Bowser, including that cute clip with him and the koopa all animated! I’m still scarred by Mario Party not getting DLC. I’m happy that Luigi’s Mansion looks great! A HOTEL, hahaha. Multiplayer is awesome too. It looks better than 2. I think I’ll enjoy it. (: 

Amiibos aren’t dead, who knows if they’ll ever touch Odyssey again. Animal Crossing I’ve already mentioned doesn’t totally wow me, and I feel bad it’s getting delayed, but I think everyone can handle it. For Pokemon, the big news about not all pokemon being in it doesn’t bother or effect me. I had no idea all the main games included every pokemon. It took a while to understand why folks are upset and I get it, but I dunno I’m happy enough and don’t need 400+ other pokemon to enjoy what we’re gettin’.

Zelda BOTW 2 is an awesome surprise. I watched all the other presentations but honestly nothing much was to my interest. Can’t help but be a Nintendo fan! And though my plan was to only watch their stream this year, being social and hanging out with friends during it all was lots of fun! Experiences are pretty cool. :3 And in a week or two we’ll be enjoying Mario Maker, Crash’s racing game, and Games done Quick! I got some offline stuff to manage, but I’m gonna have as much fun as I can between it all. I hope everyone else managed to enjoy E3! 

[dontbethatshank]

The Cute One, With The Limp

Request: This isn’t word for word but essentially I got a request about the reader being married to Newt and they all make it to Paradise and the girls are all hanging out with the reader. While doing this they begin to spy on Newt discussing how cute he is and calling dibs and one is about to go talk to him and he comes up and kisses the reader. Lots of fluff was specified so get ready for the fluff ride of your lives!!!

Finally. Finally, finally, finally! You had made it. After so many years of broken promises and shattered dreams, you saw it; Paradise. it was a promise for a better life and a happier tomorrow. You entered it with Newt, your husband, and surrounded by your friends.

Having spent the past two years of your life entrapped in a maze makes it seem like marriage was impossible. But on the contrary. You and Newt ‘got married’ after being together a year. He used broken twigs and twine and created to wedding bands. He still takes yours and finds small flowers to put into it, which you love. And the ‘officiator’ was Alby and your ‘maid of honor’ was Gally, who wanted to smack you for calling him such but smiled with happiness as he watched you kiss Newt.

In reality, the ‘wedding’ wasn’t a wedding. it was a promise and the ceremony was more for happiness and a da for everyone in the Glade to be happy. Yes, you still claimed him as your husband and he claimed you as his wife, but you both knew it wasn’t exactly a true statement. But every day he would tell you that if he could he would sign a paper and promise his life away if it meant he got to marry you and truly be “bound”. But you were both content. You loved the small band resting on your finger made of twine and twigs. Newt’s own band was made of small rocks and string, bits of thin metal also wound into it. It was your promise to one another, and that’s all that mattered.

As you entered paradise, you came to a city full of people, all doing their own jobs and their own activities, all just working together to make a functioning system. It was basically the Glade.. except free. When you all came in, you were all quickly pulled off - you were taken with some of the other girls while the boys were whisked away other places. You were all given clothes, food, and a nice place to shower and scrub yourselves clean. It was nice. It was relaxing. It was promising, you thought.

As all these things proceeded, even your group with the girls dispersed, Brenda was whisked off by someone else who was showing her the “most amazing blade I have ever seen, you have to show me how you carved a handle so smoothly like that”, and Sonya was shown where to shower next, and everyone was essentially taken to their on spots within the small, open room where the girls introduced themselves.

“So... what was it like?” one girl asked, long, thick red hair and bright blue eyes adorned her tanned skin. She was beautiful, fit, and seemed to have wild blood coursing through her. While raising your eyebrows, you tilted your head in response to her. What was what like, you wondered, already feeling like an outsider. “What was it like living with only a group of boys? I bet it got tiring, I mean sure, it was also pretty fun at times being the only girl, but like... so many guys, uh...” another girl piped up, her face becoming a grimace as she shuttered towards the end, the others around you bursting into laughter.

It was true, it was hard being around boys. The didn’t understand privacy all that well none of them had seemed to ever know that you could simply sew up a hole in a shirt instead of ripping it apart and throwing it away, they seemed to forget their clothes everywhere and even forgot to wear clothes half the time. It was honestly tiring at times and you sometimes wanted to strangle a few of them, but you loved your boys. They were your brothers, sons, best friends - everything. you would have killed to save them all... you would have done anything to protect them.

With a shake of the head and a smile, you looked back at the girls, laughing at the girl with the two long brown braids in her hair who was still grimacing at the thought. “it was... odd. I mean, none of them knew what the hell a bra was until I did everything but give a demonstration. Asking for tampons as like asking if I could keep a Griever as a shucking pet. It was so exhausting, but.. I loved it.They were nice and I adored them, some more than others,” you muttered as an afterthought, and the girls grinned. You all were still teenagers and you all still enjoyed gossip and you all still enjoyed boy talk (and for some girl talk, and that could get hilarious you soon learned).

“Hey, isn’t he from your group? He’s really cute...” the red headed girl suddenly asked, her eyes turning towards Newt as she jut out her chin in his direction her teeth catching her bottom lip as she did so. You laughed, about to explain just how special ‘that guy’ was, but then it continued - and boy, did you love it. “Who?!” asked another girl, her head swiveling around, trying to eye the boy. “The one with the limp and the sex God hair, Jessie,” the red head laughed at her friend. “Oh Woah, yeah, you’re right Maria, he is hot, woah,” the girl, Jessie, replied. And soon, a group of about 10 girls were ogling Newt as he talked with the boys, his hand rubbing at his hair and drying it of the water. His laugh was heard even from the four or five-yard distance and the girls swooned even more.

“He’s got really nice arms,” one girl mumbled, another commenting on his lips, a few agreeing that his voice was definitely a fan favorite. And you stood there, giggling. “Oh yea, he’s got amazing arms - really strong,” you commented, nodding as if affirming it as a fact. Your mind wandered to every time he crawled into bed with you, his arms finding their way around your waist as he peppered your neck and collar bones with light touches of his lips as you shoved at his shoulders, telling him to get away. But his arms only tightened, as his laughter left along with the small contact. He loved to make you laugh.

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” Maria said, a devious glint to her eyes as her fingers gently raked her hair, the loose, messy bunch of curls that stacked up on her head and dwn her back flew around and danced as she moved them, the other girls groaning or cheering her on. “I called dibs,” another girl, Kamira if you remember correctly, mumbled out, huffing softly. But Maria grinned, fixing her shirt just a bit as she shrugged, continuing to say that she was going to do it. That she was going to ask him to sit with her at dinner and to maybe show him around the plae that night. All the while you stood back, biting your cheek, laughing just a bit.

As this continued and as Maria finalyl decided it was time to go and talk to the “cute boy with the limp” she turned around and you all saw him already coming over, limp and all. With a wicked grin you watched as a couple girls encouraged Maria, saying that he couldn’t turn down a beautiful girl like her. And you might of felt a bit bad that her hopes were about to be crushed... but you could’t stop internally laughing long enough to explaina nd part of you wanted to show them that yes, you were in fact with that cute British boy from group A, and yes, you knew he was cute as hell. Another part of youw as jealous at the fact that Newt had options now - and Maria was one of them, her beautiful bright red hair and her deep dimples and her lithe body that seemed to be built for dancing or sports. Part of you wanted to see newt only come to you when he had his options - and he did.

newt walked up, a poliet smile on his lips. “Hello!” Maria chirped, a small wave following as a couple others greeted him. He laughed and greeted them all back, a wave coming from his right hand as he continued to talk. Walking past a couple f girls and to the side, he walked up to you, his hand softly grabbing yours and slipping off your ring. “I found some of those tiny purple flowers you always loved in the Glade,” he mumbled, slipping in and tying three small purple flowers around the ring he had made for you all those months before. “Thank you Newt,” you smiled back gently, the thoughts of jealousy and hilrity pushed from mind as your hand tangled with his and he leaned towards you, pressing his lips to your forehead and then one kiss to your nose.

“Gotta keep this wedding band pretty right? Can’t have any of those shanks forgetting, or any of these new ones not noticing,” he smiled, a wicked grin placed on his pink lips as he raised your hand up to those lips, kissing the ring he had just mentioned. “I doubt anyone would forget or anyone would even attempt so,” you rolled your eyes at him, smirking as he egan to laugh. “Oh!” you exclaimed, remembering how Maria was going to offer to shwo Newt arond that night,” Newt, this is Maria, Amira, Helen, and Jessie. They have been very welcoming since we got here. Maria wanted to show you around the city tonight.” Maria blushed as she looked down, her eyes already looking like they were practicing a sorry speech to you afterwards. “That sounds lovely,” grinned Newt. “A beautiful girl to show me around a beautiful city! I’m sure the others would love to look around to and get a feel for the place,” Newt hummed, smiling warmly at Maria. “Oh yea! Definetely! I- we, we would love to. The girls and I would love to show you around,” Maria quipped, a lopside, toothy grin shone on her face, her dimples peeking out as she did so.

“Great! Now, if you’ll excuse us...” Newt smiled at all the others, before gabbing your wrist and pulling you along. His eyes glanced back at where he was with the others, several new faces accompanying them as they all glanced over and watched yout wo. Newt pressed a chaste kiss to your lips and an arm slithered to hold your waist. he began to talk about everyone he had met and how they all got these “amazingly clean” new clothes and how they were given the “most bloody amazing pot roast” since the boys kept complaining of hunger.

And you didn’t notice that Newt continuously held your waist and pushed the hair from your eyes, or how he always peeked to the side after kissing you o look at a few guys who still lingered near where he came from. And Newt didn’t see you glance behind you at the girls as  you moved to hold his hand, or how you bit your lip and gave side eyes to the Maria as he kissed your ring again.

And neither of you realized that the girls were eyeing Nwt and the guys were eyeing you because both of you got jealous and both of you needed to remind yourselves and prove to the others around you that, in fact, Newt was yours and you were his, and no beautiful aria or dashing Mark were going to change your minds about it. 

But everyone noticed the rings - and everyone noticed the three small purple clowers that wer now intetwined within the tightly bundeled twigs and string around your finger.

[bangkok-dangerous]

big sad ramble time. MAN im at one of those points where the only inkling of a feeling of emotion or sincerity within me can only be evoked by these tacky nostalgic songs 

like simple and clean and other sappy anime stuff. these past few days its like ive almost gone out of my way to burn bridges or at the very least appear like i dont want to be around anyone, and for all i know thats actually true.

i just cant see past this idea that everything everyone (including me) does is motivated by selfishness, be it fun, an ego boost, or their own sense of satisfaction for “helping” out their friend who obviously isnt having fun. i think i got invited to a friends house at near midnight just so they could have enough people to play pictionary. i was only otherwise ignored or treated like a punchline and an incapable idiot with no drive, which in my mind is the least true thing someone could ever assume about me. ive spent about 4 years now teaching myself 3d modelling, animation and drawing, on top of dabbling in programming and youtubing, and it pisses me off so much when these cunts who think theyre my friends just dismiss it because im so uninterested in participating in their shitty game and conversations that they mistake me for being an easy target.

right now i so badly want to feel sincerity and believe that there are people who are inherently positive and willing to help others and just have a fun time, and i want to believe that im capable of that too, but i just cant. even people who behave altruistically and characterise themselves with being kind and caring are just after the good-chemicals boost of being able to tell themselves that theyre a good person.

what really sucks right now is that theres so little i can do about this but wait it out for about a month until uni starts and ill ideally be too busy or overwhelmed to bother thinking about how terrible i and the people around me are. right now i have maybe 2 friends that i actually want to spend time with, while the rest are boring, unmotivated, shitty ‘friends’. There were so many things i wouldve liked to do in the 6 fucking months weve all had off school like go to the beach, watch movies together, do more podcasts and other youtube shit but my 5 or so ‘hangout’ friends are such boring ‘gamer’ dudes that they either dont want to go out or dont find us fun enough as a group to do outdoors stuff with, and I hate that. I want to be around people who are as fun and motivated as i am, but just being around these people is so depressing and draining because all they do is play counterstrike, go to work, sometimes go to a shitty club, and thats it. i just cant muster the energy to organise stuff like this and invite them just for it to either end up boring or for it to fall apart and never happen.

ive tried reaching out to 2 friends about this who i thought would understand and be able to either convince me that good people are real or at least that i can trust them, but it comes up with nothing. they have nothing to say about it other than that my feelings are valid probably. ive always tried so hard to be a good friend, someone who is endless fun and jokes but can always put shit on the shelf to listen and be supportive when needed... and for nothing. the friends ive done so much with, tried so hard to keep together and keep active has just fizzled out into complacency. Im down to the one friend who ive had since year 8. it started with the two of us and now its ending like that too. even then it might just be a matter of time until we finalyl get to know each other well enough that we cant stand each other. ill get too clingy and then come to notice and be annoyed by every single one of his flaws.

its so hard to look back on my childhood and teenhood because i did so fucking little with it, and most of the cool things werent my choice. i didnt have a cool set of childhood friends to run around with on weekend and ride our bikes and play video games together. i didnt have a family that watched movies together or a dad who i could watch while he played SNES games. i didnt even own any of the GOOD ps2 nostalgia games like kingdom hearts, sotc, and any final fantasy. instead of pokemon and FLCL i watched the same 3 episodes of beyblade and whatever shitty french/australian/canadian cartoons the ABC could license.

I barely made any significant/lasting amount of friends in high school. i went in feeling invisible and assumed the guys and girls didnt like me so i acted accordingly... like an angry antisocial cunt. i just rode the current of the same friendship groups melting and molding into other ones over several years, never bothering to make real connections or interests with people outside of my small group. i went out of my way to avoid doing the extracurricular activities that wouldve helped me make friends in my school. joining a band, a club, even just bothering to participate in mandatory sports. i was so miserable and lazy and just like now took comfort in my artistic skill and determination to one day make it all worth it. to be fair i had better friends and we had plenty of fun sleepovers and whatnot, but i still feel like i missed out on so much in those first 4 years of bullshit.

anyway ill edit this if i have more shit i want to complain about but rn i started a preety cool drawing so imma do that peace

[poisepen]

the hats tho