#i finally understood somewhere between the plate and the promotion

[winterscaptain]

three’s company.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: and here we are! the final installment of the ajf 100 arc. this takes place right after mosley lane in season five, and from here on i promise we’ll see some happier days :) i can’t thank you all enough for coming on this adventure with me, as hard and fraught as it was. 

an ajf fic arc that happily stands on its own! (the pieces stand alright on their own as well, for the most part!) one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven

words: 1.6k warnings: none!

summary: “let us not burden our remembrances with a heaviness that's gone.” - william shakespeare, the tempest

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | requests closed!

“You’d never believe it, Hales. The sass on your kid these days is unreal.” A laugh leaves you as you lean forward, resting your elbows on your knees. “He pulled one right out of your book the other day with Aaron when he told him it was time to come in out of the snow...” 

It’s just one of those Saturdays where you needed to talk to her. Not for any particular reason, but just knowing that if this was any other timeline, the two of you would sit out in the breakfast nook in the big house, watching the snow fall and the sun set as the February evening wore on. 

There’s a crunch of snow under day-off boots behind you, but you ignore him and continue talking, just as you would if she were here. 

“We miss you. I think the weirdest thing so far was skipping your Christmas present. Had it all wrapped and everything and then I remembered you wouldn’t be there.” You look up, taking a little breath. “Had a good cry about that one.” 

“It is getting better though, all things considered…” You trail off, not sure what to say. Sharing silence with a headstone is a little less companionable than the alternative. 

It wasn’t a lie, though. The grief didn’t overwhelm you now like it did those first weeks. It sometimes clocked you at the oddest of times, drawing a few tears (or more than a few) or a little smile. 

Sometimes, both. 

You huff a little laugh to yourself. “We had a really good case outcome last week. Found three kids who’d been missing, got them all back to their parents. It was just one of those that reminded us why we do it, you know?”

Aaron sits beside you without a word. 

“And you’d be proud of Aaron, Haley. He’s saddling the rest of us with the paperwork and going home early, most nights. It’s kind of impressive. Though, I know it’ll wear off and he’ll be back on his bullshit soon enough.” 

There’s a snort from beside you, and you finally acknowledge him. 

“Tell me it isn’t true and I’ll take it back,” you say, looking over at him.

He shrugs. “Can’t. But then again, you’d never lie to Haley and you’d never lie to the dead, so we’re two for two, there.”

You smile at him for a moment, gesturing vaguely to the headstone. “We were just catching up.”

“Of course. I thought it would be one of those days.”

“Where’s the kiddo?” You look over your shoulder, halfway expecting Jack to be playing somewhere in the snow. 

“Helping Jess with dinner.” He addresses Haley’s headstone. “Hear that, Hales? Your son is helping with dinner, now.”

You both pause, acknowledging the laughter you know you’d get if she were here. 

Looking over at him, you wryly note, “Yeah, see, Jack might be helping with dinner, but you still aren’t. What’s your excuse?”

“I have been sent to bring you to the apartment for dinner by request of my son and my sister.”

You tut at him with a little smile “Nice to see Jess has been promoted.”

He rolls his eyes. 

+++

The first time the entire team gathers at Dave’s after the New Year is a refreshing return to something that feels halfway normal.

You’ve got Henry in your lap so JJ can actually eat something. He’s messing around with one of the rubik’s-cube-like toys Spencer got him for Christmas. To everyone’s delight, the novelty of them has yet to wear off and they’ve saved the entire Jareau-La Montagne household a couple of meltdowns. 

“How’s he holding up?” JJ asks between bites.

You glance over at Hotch, on the floor with one leg outstretched and the other tucked underneath him. Jack’s holding his attention, explaining some advanced maneuver with his army men. “He’s doing alright. Better every day, I think, but there will always be bad days.” 

She hums. “And Jack?”

You shrug, catching Henry’s toy before it can fall from your lap. “He’s still adjusting, of course, but Jess is doing a great job at keeping up with his routines.” 

“Actually, that’s really all kids need at Jack’s age, other than socialization and physical affection,” Spencer says. “The retention of a consistent routine is key to development after the toddler stages of childhood.” 

You toss a grin over your shoulder. “Thanks, Spence.” 

He shrugs. “It’s just true.” 

JJ huffs a laugh and puts her napkin on the table. You pass Henry back to her, and he’s more than happy to tuck back against her chest. 

Dave, a kitchen towel thrown over his shoulder, takes your plate. You follow him back into the kitchen, turning the water on and starting on the silverware while he tackles the glasses. 

“Everything okay?” He asks. 

Your brow furrows. “Yeah. Why?”

He glances over his shoulder. “Just not used to seeing you so far from Aaron, is all. Fifty feet is quite a far distance for a shadow to cover, don’t you think?” 

With an eye roll: “Give me a break, Rossi.”

He raises his soapy hands as if to surrender, but you know he’s not even close to done. “I’m just sayin.’” He relents after a moment. “There’s only so much the rest of us can do for him.” 

“What do you mean?” You direct your question at the dishes, remaining studiously focused on your task. 

Unlike you, he pauses, turning square to face you. “For a pair of profilers...You know what? It’s not worth it.”

+++

Aaron stamps the snow off his boots and hangs his coat and scarf on the hook by the door, fresh from an afternoon of errands and paperwork at the office. 

Belatedly, he realizes he missed the fort in the living room when he first came through the door. The couch cushions and dining chairs have all been arranged in an elaborate configuration, supporting the duvet stolen from Aaron’s bed and a fair few flat sheets from the hall closet. All the linens are secured with carefully knotted neckties, or pinned together with some spare clothespins you found God-knows-where.  

Creeping forward, he picks up the corner of what he imagines is a door flap by design. 

In the dark of the fort, he finds you and Jack curled together on your sides around the portable DVD player. Jack’s out like a light - his little hand pressed against his cheek where it rests on your arm. You’re awake, waiting for him. 

Aaron finds your eyes. You smile a little and keep your voice at a whisper. “He’s only been sleeping about twenty minutes or so. He wore himself out playing architect, so I figured a quick nap wouldn’t keep him up too late.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Aaron assures you in a whisper with an equally small smile. “I’m just glad he had fun today.” 

“Yeah.” You arc an arm over Jack’s shoulders and brush at the feathered hair on his forehead. Returning your gaze to Aaron, you playfully (and quietly) ask, “Want to join us for another movie, or are you too old for stuff like this?”

He shakes his head, a real, genuine smile on his face. It’s the first one you’ve seen in a while and it warms you beyond measure. 

When he stoops inside, he rests his head on your calf and his hand on his son. You gingerly stretch for another DVD, and Aaron takes over the logistics after you hand it over - replacing the disk, lowering the volume, and starting the next movie. 

In the quiet darkness, you think of Haley. A few tears slip out of the corners of your eyes, landing between your temple and your arm. You don’t dare move for fear of waking Jack, but it’s as if Aaron can read your mind. He lifts his head just so, finding your lashes inexplicably wet in the light from the screen. 

Your eyes flicker down to his and your close-lipped smile is shaky. 

His eyes narrow. What’s wrong? 

Nothing. You shake your head just a little. I just miss her. 

You watch the inside of his lip pinch between his teeth as his mouth presses into a thin line. 

A trembling breath leaves you as you refocus on the screen, your fingers playing with the hem of Jack’s sleeve as he sleeps. 

Aaron watches you for a moment. He thinks perhaps you are the only person alive who understood what was between him and Haley - the love, the tiffs, the history. Somehow, you managed to see right through them, right through him, right through her, to the heart of it. 

He’s sure you love his son like your own. He remembers the desperate way you held his son when you found him in that trunk. It was that day - when he saw the panic flash across your face when you realized you hadn’t seen Jack, hadn’t found him - he realized that you’d kill, risk life and limb, drop everything, for Jack. 

That day tested you as well. If you thought too long about it, you could still taste the metallic tang of anger in the back of your mouth when you thought about Foyet getting his hands on Jack. It was that overwhelming flood of emotion that brought you to the same conclusion. 

Now, the secure weight of Jack in your arms lulls you into a kind of bone-deep peace. 

You let your eyes close, falling into the sheer comfort of the moment. After a few minutes, Aaron follows suit.

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @hurricanejjareau @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @hotchsflower @ogmilkis @marvels-agents100 @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @dwellingsofrosie @pan-pride-12 @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @sageellsworth05 @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @buckybau @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandice-ray @ellyhotchner @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @violentvulgarvolatile  @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst @bwbatta @roses-and-grasses @lcvischmitt @capricorngf @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @mandylove1000 @cevanswhre @qvid-pro-qvo @jeor @spencers-hoodrat @infinity1321 @zizzlekwum @popped-weasels @evee87 @nuvoleincielo @this-broken-band-girl @reidtomestyles @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @winqhster @spencerelds @the-falling-in-the-danger @nattylite49 @crazyshannonigans @softbibxtch @iconicc

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

A Week of Harry One Shot #4

Request: I know you’re a Jonas Brothers fan, too! So, I’d love to see One-Shot based on one of their songs! 

Based on Sorry by the Jonas Brothers

**

Harry looked around the bedroom he once shared with you. Well, technically, your things were still there, but you hadn’t been for over a week. The remaining light of the sunset lit up the dark room as he sat in the floor. Everything he did wrong with your relationship filled his thoughts. Tears both dried and new covered his face. He couldn’t get the vision of you packing up a suitcase and leaving out of his mind. 

You two had been together, sort of, for almost eight years. In the beginning, you two weren’t officially together, but you were together, if that makes sense. He was still in his band One Direction, traveling around the world for the majority, so it wasn’t until he took his hiatus from the band in 2015 that you two became official. 

Both of you were looking forward to being able to be together for real and have a proper relationship. But he fucked it up. He promised you he would be around more since he wasn’t having to tour... and he was... until he had to head off to film Dunkirk. And then after that, he was flying to LA and Jamaica for his new album. Then he had to promote the album and of course, he went back on tour for that as well. 

So, while he was able to be home a little more than before, he still wasn’t there as much as he had promised. He even missed your anniversaries and birthdays over the years. Yeah, he sent gifts and flowers and you two would FaceTime, but it wasn’t the same. When he came back home after his last concert with One Direction, he promised he wouldn’t miss any more important things in your life, yet he did. 

You understood this was his job, but it was also your job, too. You went on your own tour and other things that caused you to be away from home, but you still made time to see Harry and your family. And it wasn’t just the traveling for his job either. It was him flying to LA or somewhere else just because he could. 

Because of this, you started wondering if he even loved you anymore. It seemed like he was doing everything in his power to be gone. So, you finally made a decision. You packed a bag and went on your own little getaway to think over things. To think about what you wanted and what you deserved. 

But mostly, you were hoping this would be a wake up call for Harry. Maybe he would realize how close he was to losing you and everything you two had wanted to build for eight years. 

And your plan worked. 

**

Harry knew he fucked up. He didn’t mean to do and he didn’t want too. It was just, he spent so many years traveling without actually seeing the places he went to, so he just wanted to get away every so often and see them. Plus, he missed touring and making music, so he got back into it. He didn’t like being away from you, he didn’t. 

But, while he may not have been gone for as long as he used to be back with One Direction, between your tour and his own, you two seen each other more back then. He hated that he caused this and it was his fault. It was one thing to be gone for work or tour, but a handful of the times he was gone was his own choice. Knowing that you wouldn’t be able to join him at that. 

You were supposed to be returning in the morning. You would be making your decision at that time, either packing up the remainder of your things or giving him a second chance to make things right. To change and prove to you that he does love you and wants this work, he just hoped you gave him the chance to talk to you once you arrived. 

Of course, even if you did, he didn’t know where to start or to say. He could tell you he was sorry for everything, which he was, or he could beg you to stay, which he would if he knew it work. But he knew none of that would. He could once again make all these promises of change and making things better between the two of you, but that wouldn’t work either. 

He made so many promises in the beginning, yet he didn’t keep a single one. So, why would you believe him now. He didn’t know what to do. But he knew he had to do something because he couldn’t lose you. He couldn’t imagine his life without you in it. Ever since he met you, almost ten years ago, he knew you would be the person for him. 

He didn’t exactly believe in soulmates or true love, but he believe in finding the person who was yours. The one who made you happy or brought a smile to your face just at the mere thought of them. The one who when you thought of your future, you saw them standing there with you. The one who you want to see as the last thing before you fall asleep and the first thing when you wake up. 

You were that person for him. He never once saw anyone else in those scenarios and he never wanted to see anyone else. So, he had to fix this. He had to prove to you that he was sorry and he would change. 

And when he couldn’t find the words to say, he did the next best thing. 

He grabbed his guitar, his notebook, and a pen and started writing away. 

**

Your car pulled in the driveway of the house you currently shared with Harry. Harry offered to pick you up from the airport, but you declined. You needed the ride between the airport and the house to prepare yourself for what was to happen next. You still weren’t sure what you were going to do. 

But what you did know was that you deserve someone who wants to be with you and actually be with you. And if that person wasn’t Harry, then you were just going to have to accept and go on your way, even if it broke your own heart to do so. Even if he promised you he would do things differently, you didn’t know if you could believe him. 

And maybe the fact that you lost faith and trust him was the answer you needed. If you didn’t have those feelings towards your partner wasn’t that a sign it was or should be over? But every time you thought about packing your things up and walking away for good, you felt a feeling of regret and you hadn’t even done it yet. 

You loved Harry. You loved him more than anything. You wanted a future with him. You wanted to get married, have kids, grow old together, all of it. But it couldn’t just be you who wanted those things. He had to want it too and lately it seemed as if he didn’t. 

You got your things out of the car and headed to the front door. It wasn’t super early in the morning, but it wasn’t late either. You wondered if Harry would still be asleep or if he even remembered you were coming back. You thought about what he had down during the past week. Had he gone out with his friends? Had he flown somewhere else? Did he even care you were gone? Did he think about what he wanted and didn’t want? 

You didn’t know the answer and you while you wanted to know, you also didn’t want to know. You turned your key in the lock, walking inside. The smell of toast and a tofu scramble hit you as soon as you crossed the threshold. You sat your bag down by the door and took off your shoes. You placed your keys next to Harry’s on the table in the foyer before making your way into the kitchen. 

Harry stood there wearing nothing but a pair of sweats as he moved the food around the skillet. His hair was a mess and his shoulders appeared tense. He still hadn’t realized you were home yet and part of you was happy about that. Because it gave you a little more time in case this was the end. 

But you knew you couldn’t wait forever and he would notice you standing there as soon as he turned around. 

“Hi,” you said quietly, yet loud enough for him to still hear. 

He stopped what he was doing. Nothing but the sizzling of the skillet could be heard. He turned around to look at you and you quickly noticed his red-sunken eyes. He looked miserable. He looked exactly how you felt. 

“Hi,” he whispered. “I uh, I didn’t hear you come in.” 

“Oh, I um, I just got here,” you nodded. 

“I made breakfast,” he said. “I wasn’t sure if you would eat on the plane or not.” 

“I didn’t,” you said. “Thank you.” 

He nodded going back to the food and turning off the stove. He separated the food onto two plates before bringing them over to the bar, where you were sitting. He brought over the orange juice and tea he had made and sat down next to you. 

Neither of you said anything for a good while and you didn’t take a bite of the food either. Both of you sat in silence, pushing the food around on your plates. You looked over at Harry, who had two tears falling down his cheeks. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he sniffled, looking over at you. “I’m sorry for everything. I love you.. I love you so fucking much. And I know I’ve done nothing to show you that lately and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for pushing you to the fact that you had to leave and- I have more to say.. but I know that won’t make a difference. I didn’t realize how much you were hurting until that day. I want to fix this, Y/N. I want us to be together. To stay together...” 

He didn’t finish his sentence. He instead got up, grabbed his guitar and started playing. You watched him as he sang his heart out, begging you to stay, so he can make things right between the two of you. By the end of the song, a pool of tears fell down, not only Harry’s cheeks, but your’s as well. He placed the  guitar back on the stand before walking over to you. 

You were still sitting on the stool at the bar. He put his hands on your sides and looked up at you. You brought your hands up to his face, wiping away his tears, not worrying about your own. 

“I know I fucked up, Y/N,” he whispered. “But I don’t want to lose you... I can’t.” 

“That’s easy for you to say now, but what about a few weeks or months from now? What if everything just goes back to how it was?” You asked. 

“It’s not,” he whispered. “I promise-” 

“Just like you promised all those other times?” You asked. “You missed our last anniversary!” 

“I know, I know,” he sighed. “And I know words can’t make up for that, but Y/N, please believe me when I say that I love you.” 

“Love isn’t always enough, Harry,” you whispered. “Actions speak louder than words, remember?” 

“Y/N, please,” he sniffled. “Please, just give me another chance. A chance to prove to you that I do love you and I will change. That I will keep my promises and that I want this to work. Please, please.” 

“I want us to work, too,” you whispered. “But I’ve been doing what I need to make it work and I’m sick and tired of being the only one. A relationship only works if both parties work together. I deserve that. We both deserve that.” 

“You’re right,” he sighed. “You’re right. I won’t deny that and I won’t sit here and try to act like this isn’t my fault because I know that it is. That’s why I’m asking you to give me another chance to make it right. I can’t prove to you or be the guy you deserve unless you give me the chance to do it.” 

You sighed, looking down. You gently pushed him away, jumping down from the stool. You walked over to the window, looking out into the backyard. 

“I don’t want to get hurt again,” you whispered. “I don’t want to feel like I don’t matter to you anymore.” 

“I won’t hurt you again,” he pleaded. “I swear.” 

You took a deep breath, turned around, and looked at him. Tears still spilled from his eyes and dripped down his neck and chest. 

“One chance,” you whispered. “One fucking chance and I swear if you don’t make on your promises, I’m gone.” 

Harry walked over to you, taking your face in his hands, “From now on, I’m keeping my promises,” he whispered. 

“You better,” you whispered. “Because I don't know if I’ll be strong enough to go through this again.” 

“You won’t have to ever again, love,” he whispered. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” you sniffled. 

Harry pressed his lips against yours. You weren’t sure he would keep his promises or if this would end up working, but you in order for it to even have a chance, you had to also make sure you were doing you part. 

So, you had to put all of your faith into Harry and believe you two could make this relationship work, so you did. 

And eventually, you two got your happy ending together, which was all you ever wanted and more. 

[holland-ish]

Forgotten  [ T. Holland ]

Request: i requested something a while back and ill just request it again so its a tom x reader angst where tom is out filming and him and reader havent spent time together in awhile and then reader calls tom and then its big fight on the phone and reader tells tom they should maybe go on a break and tom is like ok but like hes angry so he didnt register what she said and then he flies back to their apartment couple days later to apologize but she was gone, all her things were gone and tom is sad :)

Word Count: 1,602

Warnings: Angst, language, Tom’s a bit of a dick and my riting may not be great

Tagging @cosmetologynerd and @hollandroos bc I can’t remember but I think they wanted to be tagged?

A/N: I’m sorry the requests are taking me so long?? Please do leave feedback, I always appreciate being told what I could do better next time! Lots of love xx

Masterlist

You contemplated ignoring his call. After all, that’s been exactly what he’s been doing whenever you call him. It was almost as if he’d forgotten about you despite how much you both would deny it. But you hadn’t forgotten about him. And you were worried about him, curious as to why he hadn’t spoken to you in so long.

Tom was busy with work, you understood that, but it only took a few seconds to type up a text and press send. Surely he would have at least had the time to have sent you a text, right? He could have even replied to one of the many that you had sent him to check in on how he was doing. But he didn’t and you were stuck waiting for replies that never came.

It hurt a lot that he hadn’t contacted you in weeks. Tom was having the time of his life and you understood that, knowing that filming these movies and promoting them is what made him happy. However, that didn’t stop you from feeling upset that you hadn’t heard is voice in over a month, that you had no idea what he was doing with his castmates.

And it wasn’t as if Tom didn’t have the time to go out with his friends, no. You could see on his instagram that he was out and about, living his work life happily without you. If he could post these photos to instagram, he could at least text you back.

After the phone had stopped ringing, you took a minute and just stared at it. Why was Tom calling you all of a sudden? Why is he finally making an effort to contact you now? It was weird, you had to admit, but you found yourself calling him back without thinking twice about it. There were only two rings before he picked up.

“Hey baby,” Tom hiccuped. “I been having so much-” Another hiccup. “-so much fun.”

You sighed, rolling your eyes and ignoring the swirl of emotions in your belly. Tom was drunk, his words sloppy and his voice a mixture of low and high pitches.

You huffed out a fake laugh, ignoring him as he slurred out something unintelligible. “I bet you have. Call me back when you’re sober. Or don’t. I don’t care anymore.”

That was a lie. You did care. Nonetheless, you hung up on him, not bothering to speak to him unless he was sober. Tom probably wouldn’t even remember he had called you so you didn’t bother yourself with expecting a call back from him any time soon.

You waited through the night, sleeping restlessly. The empty spot on the bed beside you seemed to be teasing you about the man that hadn’t made the effort to call the one person he had said he loved the most. You pushed yourself out of the bed, willing yourself to snap out of this daze and start your day.

At one point, you had began to wonder if he’d even come home or not. Maybe he’d forgotten where he’d lived too.

Shaking your head in a failed attempt to rid yourself of such thoughts. You tried getting on with the rest of your day, but your mind kept finding its way back to Tom and his unlikely call back. Hours later, an empty dinner plate sat on the coffee table as you mindlessly watched whatever was playing on the TV.

You weren’t going to lie. You did want him to call back, you did want to talk to him, sort things out. Of course you did; you loved him. Every half hour you found yourself glancing over at your phone until it actually started ringing, your heart rate picking up as you stumbled to pick it up.

When you saw Tom’s name on the caller ID, you weren’t exactly sure how you should feel. Happy? Angry? Upset? Nervous? You accepted the call with no idea how you would speak to him.

“I’m sorry-”

“No you’re not.”

“I am,” Tom muttered. “I didn’t mean to call you while I was drunk.”

You scoffed. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean to call me at all.”

Tom sighed, the sound rusty over the line. You could almost feel him squeezing his eyes shut the way he usually did when he knew you were unhappy with him. Not that you were unhappy with him very often because you weren’t.

“What is that supposed to mean, sweetheart?” His voice was coated in a thick layer of unnatural sugar and you rolled your eyes at it. Tom was trying to stop you from getting worked up with him, innocent in his actions but unaware that it came off rather�� ill-mannered.

“Don’t you dare ‘sweetheart’ me, Tom,” you blurted, your palms becoming clammy as you struggled to think clearly. How could he be so unaware of his ignorance? “You’ve been ignoring my calls. Haven’t replied to a single one of my texts and you don’t bother to contact me! I haven’t heard anything from you for several weeks, Tom!”

“I’m busy,” was all he said.

“Oh, bullshit,” you swore, feeling your face heat up at his half-hearted excuse. “It doesn’t take more than a minute to send me a simple text, Tom. If you can spend time hanging out with your new friends and posting about it on twitter or instagram then you can sure as hell let me know that you’re doing okay.”

“Is this because I’m spending time with them and not you?” he grunts. “Because if it is, then-”

“No! It’s not about that, Tom!” You were glad he wasn’t standing in front of you, with his arms crossed as they usually were when he was worked up.

“Then what is this about, huh?” Tom’s words were strained, his voice louder than usual but he wasn’t shouting. “I have more important things on my mind! I’m filming a fucking movie, Y/N, I can’t constantly be thinking about you and about calling you!”

“Dammit, Tom!” You let out a frustrated groan, running the hand that wasn’t gripping your hand through your hair and tugging roughly without realising. Wincing, you pulled your hand away. “Sometimes I wonder if you even remember me! For fuck’s sake, it’s like you’ve forgotten who I am!”

“Maybe I have!” He retorts, frowning after he realised what he said and knowing it was a lie but at this point he was far too frustrated to control what words were leaving his mouth. “I have to focus on work! I’m a fucking actor, Y/N, I’m going to be busy filming and I’m going to be busy with events! You can’t expect me to worry about calling you when I’ve got to be making sure I don’t fuck up my image and my career!”

“And your career is more important than me?” You asked, your voice hard and filled with anger that you’d been holding back for so long.

“Maybe it is.”

It was almost as if every ounce of anger had been washed out of your body in one go. Your voice softened. “The only time you called me was when you were drunk. I’m not going to put up with this anymore!”

“Then don’t! See if I care!”

Your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes welled with tears, convinced somebody had thrown a baseball at your chest. This wasn’t what you wanted, how could things have turned out like this?

“Fine,” you whispered.

You hung up before you could hear his reply, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hand. A strangled whine slipped through your lips as you tried not to sob, shoving your phone into your pocket. It buzzed insistently and it was undoubtedly Tom so you ignored it, making your way into the room you shared with your boyfriend. You pulled your belongings out of drawers, cupboards and off of shelves, breathing heavily as you shoved them all into bags and ignoring the tears that fell onto them.

You didn’t think you could stay in this apartment any longer than necessary. Calling up one of your closest friends, hoping that there would be a place for you to stay, you hoped you could get away this same night. Thankfully, there was. You quickly scribbled down a note, biting your lip as the wetness from your tears made it fold in a little bit before you threw it onto the bed. With a heavy heart, you were gone minutes later.

~

Tom swiped the palm of his hands down his face as he thought about what happened. He knew he had made the biggest mistake in his life. This would cost him more than money, it would cost him you. And that thought scared him.

He caught the first flight back home after the next couple of days, rushing back to your shared apartment, his heart on his sleeve and his bottom lip between his teeth. Tom took a deep breath, unlocking the door and pushing it open. His jaw fell slack when he noticed the emptiness of the apartment, making his way into the bedroom in case you were in there. You weren’t.

Tom’s heart fell to his stomach when he caught sight of the note, unfolding it and reading over it quickly. He let out a choked sob, his eyes instantly filling with tears as he sank to the floor and rest his elbow on the bed. Tom repeatedly red over the note, hoping that somewhere you would have written that this was all a stupid joke to get back at his idiocy. But he found no such thing and it made his heart shatter to think that you were really gone.

[tyson-berry-blog]

Sidney Crosby #1 - “I love you”

Anon asked: Can you write a Sidney Crosby image ? Prompt : first time he says he loves you . Have fun

Ah yes Squidney Crocsby. The man is a mess but I still love him so what can you do. Anon you said “have fun” so naturally I turned it into a bit of angst. This one is somehow even longer than the Zach Werenski one I posted recently. If only I wrote this much for my novel. Oh well. I hope you enjoy it!

Sidney Crosby was usually the picture of levelheadedness and being cool under pressure so of course your first “I love yous” had to be during a fight. The day had started off innocently enough; you came home to an empty house as you often did during the season. The Penguins were out of town until tomorrow so when your costars invited you out you were quick to agree. The outing was nothing more than going to a local bar and relaxing after a long shoot but the pictures taken without your knowledge took everything out of context. The angle and lighting warped the photos so it looked more like you and Jonathan, one of your costars, were cozying up instead of straining to hear each other over the noise in the room.

You and Sidney were not public with your relationship because you both favored your privacy, so the media was always speculating if you were involved with anyone. You had happily been with Sid for a while but no one besides your close friends and family knew. Unfortunately, Jonathan also played your love interest in the widely popular movie franchise and it only added to the so called evidence your fans put together insisting you two must be more than friends. During promotional tours or awards shows he was often your plus one because of how close you are and because Sidney couldn’t come with you. Apparently your acting was too convincing which in any other situation would be funny but not when your actual boyfriend could and would see the photos. You had nothing to worry about seeing as you hadn’t done anything but you still weren’t ready for the conversation.

You didn’t even know about the photos until the morning when you woke up in Jonathan’s living room with Carrie and Rachael. His apartment was the closest to the bar and you three along with your other costar Turner had stayed the night out of convenience.

There was a dull ache in your head which would likely turn into a full out migraine if you didn’t drink some water or take some medicine soon. Jonathan was nowhere to be found but Turner was bustling about the kitchen making breakfast. He had a plate of eggs made already and slid it over to you when you walked in. 

“There is coffee in the pot if you’d like some,” he tilted his head towards the machine in the corner.

You poured yourself some and went in search of your phone. It was sandwiched between two couch cushions and when you tried to turn it on it turned out to be dead.

You walked back into the kitchen, “do you know where a spare charger might be?”

“You can use mine. My phone should be fully charged by now.”

“Turner you are a life saver.”

You unplugged his phone and plugged yours in. His phone began vibrating in your hand, it was your PR manager.

You handed the phone to him, “it’s Sally.”

“Wonder what she wants,” he took the phone, “hey Sally. What’s up?”

You could catch the occasional word like, “photos,” and “bar,” which didn’t concern you until Turner his attention onto you.

“Yeah she is with me,” he said to Sally.

The phone was handed back to you and you answered, “hi Sally.”

“No time for pleasantries,” her normally caring tone was clipped and to the point.

“What is going on?”

“There are photos circulating around of you and Jonathan at the bar last night.”

“Okay so? Turner, Carrie and Rachael were there as well.”

“Not according to the photos they aren’t.”

You were confused, “Sally what are you talking about?”

“Look. I’m going to release a statement saying how it isn’t alright to take photos of people without their knowledge and that your privacy should be respected. I will also do my best to clear up any speculation about you and Jonathan but I just thought I’d let you know before you went online and saw for yourself. I tried to get ahold of you earlier.”

“My phone is dead,” you admitted sheepishly.

“Doesn’t make much of a difference now. Just be ready for an influx of tweets and such. You’re trending,” she hung up.

Turner was looking at you with an amused look, “so the fans are at it again?”

“Looks like it,” you sighed.

Your phone had charged enough that you could turn it on and you were suddenly bombarded with a series of missed calls, messages, and like Sally said: tweets. You unlocked your phone and went straight to the messages. Both of your parents and siblings had texted. They were mostly teasing texts asking if you had moved on from Sidney. Your sister asked if she could make a move now that you had “broken up.” You responded with a firm “No” and moved on. Sally had messaged you a few times saying it was urgent but since you had just gotten off of the phone with her you skipped those. There were a couple from some of your other friends and oddly enough Sid’s teammate Marc- André Fleury apologizing. The rest of the messages were of course from Sid himself. You had to scroll up a bit to reach the start considering how many he had sent.  

They started off innocently enough just asking how you were doing or what your plans were for the evening. A few hours later, presumably after the game, is when it all fell apart. He told you that they had won and that he didn’t want to bother you but he wanted to let you know. A few minutes later he asked you to call if you got a chance because he missed you. When you hadn’t responded he joked about you being old if you were already asleep. Going by the next text Flower had been the one to show him the pictures which explained the apology text you had received. The remaining texts alternated between him insisting he trusted you and him wanting confirmation that it wasn’t what it looked like. You went to type out a response but instead opted to call. The meaning of words could often get confused over text so it was best to talk it out.

He picked up on the second ring, “hello?” he voice was carefully neutral.

“Sid, hi.”

“What’s up?”

“You asked me to call when I got the chance so I am.”

You could hear him let out a little huff, “I asked that last night but okay.”

“You said when I got the chance and this was the first chance I got,” you raised your voice slightly.

“What were you doing?” he asked. The question was innocent enough but you understood the true meaning behind his words.

“Hanging out with some people from work.”

He hummed but said nothing.

“If you must know, Carrie, Turner and Rachael were there as well.”

“I didn’t see them in the pictures,” he said it so softly you almost missed it.

“Sid really?”

A cough behind you reminded you that you weren’t alone in the room and you excused yourself to find someplace quieter. You went into the nearest empty room which appeared to be a guest bedroom.

“hello? Are you still there?” Sid asked after you’d gone quiet.

“Yes I’m here.”

“I trust you, it’s just sometimes I see you with someone in public and get jealous that we can’t do that.”

“Sid we could do that but we choose not to,” you said exasperated.

The door you thought was a closet opened and Jonathan walked through. It turned out to be a bathroom and led you to the conclusion that this was in fact his bedroom and not a guest room.

You pulled the phone away from your ear, “sorry I’m in here. I thought this was a guest room and needed somewhere quiet to talk.”

Jonathan waved you off, “it’s no problem. You can stay in here; I’m going to go get breakfast.”

Jonathan walked out and you lifted the phone back to your ear, missing what Sidney said.

“Sorry, repeat yourself.”

“Who was that?”

“Jonathan,” as soon as the name was out you realized your mistake.

“Jonathan? Why are you with him?

“We crashed at his place last night.”

Sidney left out a breath, “Look I have to go. We’re checking out in ten minutes. I’ll be home this afternoon.”

“Sid wait,” you tried to keep him from hanging up but it was too late.

You rolled your eyes and exited the room. The others were gathered on the couches eating breakfast.

Carrie waved you over, “sit. Come eat.”

“I’ve got to get home. Sid will be back soon and it’s probably best that I’m already there when he arrives.”

You gathered your things and walked towards the door. There were footsteps behind you signaling someone was walking with you.

You pulled the door open and turned to face Jonathan, “thank you for letting us stay the night.”

“It was nothing. Sorry you got wrapped up in this whole thing.”

“It’s just part of the job isn’t it?” you let out a humorless laugh.

He smiled back, “do you need a ride?”

“I’ll just call a cab or something.”

He nodded and waved goodbye. You looked at your reflection in the elevator mirror. It was quite obvious you had slept in your clothes but you found that you didn’t care. A taxi pulled up ten minutes later and you were finally off on your way home. The house was empty as to be expected and you went to wash off the grime from last night and change into clean clothes.

You were in the middle of making a late lunch for yourself when you heard the front door open. Sidney shut it gently behind him and went presumably into the bedroom to put this luggage away. You picked up your sandwich and went to see him. He was in his suit and you were in sweats which in the earlier stages of your relationship would have bothered you. Now though you were comfortable enough to wear whatever.

He looked up at the sound of your footsteps, “hi.”

“Hi yourself,” you took a bite of your sandwich.

Neither of you said anything, assuming the other would want to speak first.

Eventually you broke the silence, “you wanted to talk?”

He averted his eyes, “no, it’s fine. Nothing to talk about.”

“C’mon Sid.”

“It’s fine, really. I thought about it on the drive back here. We’re fine.”

“A good relationship is all about communication,” you countered.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to be honest.”

“Okay. At first I was shocked, then upset and then mad.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? The girl I love was cuddled up with some other guy. Some guy who was okay with being with her in public,” his voice was gradually getting louder.

You on the other hand were too stunned by what he had confessed in the middle of yelling. The two of you had yet to say “I love you” and leave it to Sidney to say it when he was angry.

He took your silence the wrong way, “say something?”

“You love me?”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “what?”

“You just said ‘the girl I love.’”

“That is what you focus on?” he was slightly annoyed.

“Well yeah. That was the first time you’ve said it to me.”

“It couldn’t have been.”

You sighed, “believe me, I would have remembered if you had said it to me.”

“I definitely have said it before.”

“Yeah? Okay when?” you crossed your arms.

“After the…” he trailed off.

“Exactly.”

He groaned, “well I’ve been thinking it for a while if that means anything.”

“It shouldn’t but it does,” you smiled and walked towards him, “does this mean you aren’t mad at me anymore?”

“I wasn’t ever actually mad at you.”

“Your texts last night and call this morning say otherwise,” you pulled him into a hug.

“It was the heat of the moment.”

“Whatever you say. Oh and by the way.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you too.”

[owl-eyed-woman]

Attack on Titan Season 2 Episode Analysis - Episode 9 (Episode 34)

Last week, I briefly expressed frustration over the lack of focus on Eren’s troubling predicament.  Well, I guess the show read my mind, because this episode is all about Eren, consisting almost entirely of an extended conversation between Eren, Reiner, Bertholdt and Ymir. I see now why they structured these episodes as they did; by getting last week’s stuff out the way, this episode can concentrate on Eren’s experience.

Now, I do need to impress just how light this episode is on any plot. To be reductive, this episode is basically just 4 titan-shifting kids hanging out in the trees and chatting. It’s about as chill as an episode about being kidnapped could possibly be.  

The only time we cut away from this scene is to remind us that the scouts are closing in as a type of ticking clock and to show us that maybe, finally, after so many episodes, Hanji might have figured out that humans have been turning into titans (we’ve waited so long, please I’m so tired). Apart from these brief digressions, this episode is all about an intense yet intimate situation, providing an opportunity to show off AOT’s deft characterisation.

But before we get to all that fun character stuff, we first need to establish the specifics of the situation. Or in other words, we need an explanation for why everyone can just chill out and talk for a while. The reason for this is relatively simple; there’s literally nothing else they can do.

AOT makes it abundantly clear that they have reached a stalemate, lovingly detailing the reasons why their only option is to sit around and shoot the shit. They’re good reasons too: they’re surrounded by titans, Reiner and Bertholdt are the only ones with ODM gear, all of them are too exhausted to turn into titans, they need to heal, and so on. Every possibility is accounted for and comprehensively dismissed, just to force the audience to suspend their disbelief and hopefully alleviate our inevitable frustration. It’s quite sneaky when you think about it.

So Eren is caught in a situation where wits and a cool head are essential. To further complicate matters, Eren is forced to work with Ymir. This is the first time we’ve seen Eren and Ymir properly interact and I think I can guess the reason why; Eren and Ymir are such fundamentally different people, it’s obvious that they really don’t like each other. Eren is naturally idealistic and moralistic, wearing his emotions and his ethics on his sleeve. Ymir is unfailingly cynical and frequently selfish, concealing her true intentions behind several layers of snark and misdirection. If they had to choose who they’d be stuck with like this, I’m sure that they’d be each other’s last choice. It’s telling that Eren, the guy who trusts almost every single one of his fellow cadets, isn’t sure if he can trust Ymir.

In general, this whole situation is completely antithetical to Eren. Eren is a man of action and emotion, so the fact that he has to stay put and stay calm is practically torture. Funnily enough, Eren is fully aware of this and that, in order to succeed, he’ll need to supress his emotions; this is obviously a big ask for Eren, the most emotionally volatile character in AOT. I mean, I’m sure he’ll fail (and he does) but it’s nice to see that he’s aware of his flaws and is actively trying to address them. Progress!

Ymir, on the other hand, is frankly excelling. One of Ymir’s defining character traits is her ability to conceal her emotions and intentions, remaining cool and detached while secretly pursuing her goals. She is in her element and she is playing the people around her so well. Ymir seems bored and honestly indifferent to the situation, but all the while she’s gathering information and investigating her enemies’ intentions. This doesn’t go entirely unnoticed by Reiner and Bertholdt, but she’s successfully using her façade of aloofness to confront them and bide her time (what for, we’ll have to see).

Still, Eren and Ymir are only one plate on offer in this tension buffet. Another integral dish to this very messy situation is the current betrayer of the day, Reiner.

For the first half of this episode, Reiner is a suitably imposing captor, acting very straight-laced and intimidating. But then, something changes. Entirely unprompted, Reiner starts talking about completely mundane topics, about military promotions, about being worked too hard, as if he was still a soldier and not a traitor. For a brief moment, the Reiner we knew and loved, the one who cares about his friends and who wants to marry Christa, is back. But it’s all so wrong.

When Reiner’s true motivations were revealed in episode 6, it was honestly a challenge to reconcile this new knowledge with how I’d previously understood Reiner. Reiner truly seemed like a morally upstanding, sincerely loyal soldier, more so than Bertholdt or Annie. Could I have completely misread Reiner? There had to be more going on to justify this unexpected about-face.

Now, we finally get an answer as the true depths of Reiner’s psychology are revealed. In the face of his incredible crimes against humanity, Reiner’s guilt became so great that his mind and memories split into two different personalities. All this time, there have been two separate sides to Reiner, warrior-Reiner and soldier-Reiner. One side is aware of his monstrous crimes and his ultimate aim, and the other side is entirely oblivious to the truth as a coping mechanism to live with the guilt and find solace in the simple life of a soldier. All those shots of Reiner’s reflection in the water in episode 6 definitely make a lot more sense now; they were there to foreshadow Reiner’s bifurcated personality.

Reiner’s act as a loyal soldier was so convincing to me because he had convinced himself it was legitimate. Unlike Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie never risked their lives for another soldier or even got emotionally invested in their deception; such actions could jeopardise the mission, which a true traitor wouldn’t do. It all makes sense, then, why Reiner risked his life for his comrades and seemed to genuinely care for his fellow soldiers – because one side of him actually did!

Of course, Ymir and Eren are completely shocked and dumbfounded when they realise just how unhinged Reiner truly is. Bertholdt’s reminder that he’s a warrior, not a soldier, snaps Reiner back to reality and has an almost triggering effect on Reiner. He starts to shake with fear and suffer through a PTSD-style flashback. He actually starts crying; that’s how traumatic it is.

As is to be expected, Eren doesn’t react to this revelation well. Reiner and Bertholdt’s betrayal has been incredibly painful for Eren to deal with and he’s still working through conflicting feelings of love, hate, anger and betrayal. To have this betrayal complicated by the fact that Reiner was (in his own messed-up, split-personality way) sincerely loyal this entire time, is truly confronting for Eren. This is all compounded by the fact that Reiner and Bertholdt’s actions directly resulted in his mother’s death; his beef with Reiner is deeply personal.

So in the wake of this reveal, Eren is justifiably livid and almost sanctimonious, verbally attacking Reiner and rejecting his right to this emotional trauma and guilt. Usually, I question Eren’s propensity to ignore the moral complexity of these situations, but he makes a salient point here; Bertholdt and Reiner did horrible, monstrous things, so how much sympathy do they deserve? I do think it’s important to remember that no matter how relatable and sympathetic they may seem, our true sympathy must remain with the tens of thousands of people that died because of their actions. As Eren argues, they aren’t soldiers or warriors or any other noble classification, they’re just murderers.

But then Eren goes and takes it too far, demanding that they stop pretending to have emotions because they aren’t human anymore. I had honestly hoped that episode 7’s fight was a sign that Eren could acknowledge the humanity of his enemies, rather than simply dehumanising them to make them fit into his moral worldview. Sadly, Eren has reverted to his typical response. It’s always one step forward, two steps back with Eren. Humans can do monstrous things, Eren (that’s the point of your show).

Dangerously, Eren’s moralism blinds him to the bigger picture. He focuses far too much on the clear-cut evil in front of him that he is unable to realise that Reiner and Bertholdt are almost certainly pawns in a much larger conspiracy. Yes, they did something horrible, but there is still so much we haven’t been told about the circumstances surrounding their participation in this massacre. While, I’m sure this will not absolve them of their crimes, it will at least explain their motivations and add nuance to this tragedy.

Reiner doesn’t react well to Eren’s virulent condemnation either, and angrily asks what Eren wants from him since his diatribe won’t bring back the people they killed.

Eren’s reaction to this is really fascinating. He is taken aback but then he admits to his naivety and vows to “make you guys suffer in the worst way possible”. There’s something monstrous about the way Eren says this.  At this point, Eren isn’t trying to do the just or moral thing, he simply wants the most violent, painful kind of revenge. Eren isn’t as pure or as good as he thinks he is. He has a cruel, monstrous side that has grown more and more pronounced.

This proclamation might have led somewhere too. But then, Ymir scoffs at him, telling him off for his childishness. Morally, Ymir is the complete opposite of Eren. Eren sees the world in strict black and white and truly believes right and wrong can be delineated in every situation. Ymir is all grey, prioritising her own wellbeing and rejecting moral codes in lieu of self-preservation.

So when she hears Eren’s very simplistic response, she completely rejects it. Ymir doesn’t care about who Reiner is or if what they did was right or wrong. Besides, Ymir knows there’s a bigger enemy behind all of this. But before she can tell Eren who this enemy is, Reiner interjects.

Since Ymir already knows so much and is so unaligned morally, Reiner offers her a chance to join their side. Ymir initially balks at this - she has no reason to trust them or side with them. But then, Reiner brings up Christa. Ymir is often a confusing, complicated character, but one thing has been made very clear: she genuinely loves Christa and will do anything to protect her. This is the key to Ymir’s allegiance and Reiner knows this.

As this episode has shown us, Ymir has no love (or even loyalty) for Eren, feeling either indifference or antipathy. Every interaction with him thus far has been a tactical move to ensure her survival. But when Reiner says that they can protect Christa and appeals to this side of her, Ymir makes her choice to side with them. Ultimately, while Ymir values her own wellbeing, she will prioritise Christa over herself no matter what.

I can only say that I genuinely hope Christa can snap Ymir back to her senses. It’s hard because I desperately want Ymir to stay on Eren’s side, even though it makes complete sense that she would go against him. It’s such good characterisation, even if it pains me to watch her make this choice.  

On that depressing note, the episode ends. It’s a fairly simple episode, but still well-done overall. All will be decided next time…

[bibiko0838]

DADDY (CHAPTER 6)

(credit GIF to original owner, not mine)

CHAPTER 6

CHARACTERS = Kim Jongin and OC

GENRE = SMUT

CHAPTER 1     2&3     4     5   

JIN’S P.O.V. 

I learned from Jungah unnie that Jongin is a member of an idol group that debuted a few years ago. Certainly being unaware of so many things seems to be my particular specialty. I lived in a bubble where everything was peaches and roses. Correction, I must have been living in another planet to be unaware of EXO. I smiled to myself thinking that actually makes me perfect for Jongin who is better known as EXO’s Kai. 

Lord, I need to stop thinking about Jongin. He will only be here for a few more days of vacation and that will certainly and absolutely be the end of our holiday romance. I’m afraid to think of the possibility that there could be something more. That’s just asking for heartbreak. 

“Yah!” Jongin jumped out of nowhere and startled me. I swallowed a shriek and glared daggers at him. How could such a gorgeous looking man who makes me scream in bed act like a complete child the next minute? 

“Yah! What the hell?” I whispered furiously at him. I was self conscious of the fact that some of my nursing colleagues are leaving the hospital right behind me. Someone is bound to recognize this famous idiot. (MY IDIOT ~ I kept thinking) 

He pulled the hood of his sweater a little lower to cover the rest of his face not covered by a mask. He also slung an arm around me and grabbed my bag from my hand with his other hand. 

“Jongin stop it! I’m tired and I want to go home. I don’t want to play with you!” I told him under my breath furious at myself for the sudden fluttering of my heart with his light embrace. 

“I know you’re tired that’s why I’ve been waiting here. So I can pick you up and we could go home.” He whispered back at me. Shivers were racing up and down my spine as i felt him nuzzling my neck and ear. Despite the thick mask he was wearing, I can feel his lips on me. 

Jongin must have a built in radar that can detect each and every instance my resolve to resist him weakens. Faster than I can blink, he managed to yank his mask down, peck a quick kiss on my lips and put on his mask again. I swiftly turned to pinch his side, but he used my moved for his own advantage. Somehow, and i still don’t know how, I ended up hugging him. Besides, pinching him would probably be useless. I can still remember how hard his stomach muscles were under my hands. I must be blushing, my face suddenly feels very warm. 

“I know what you are thinking.” Jongin was teasing me as he walked me away towards the parking lot. 

“Bwo?” I asked him. Seriously, I hope he doesn’t know what I am thinking about. None of my thoughts are pure nor of anything or anyone but him.

“Jongin, cannot possibly know how to drive a car.” Blankly I stared at him. He was joking with me. Oh thank God! Wait, What? 

“You don’t drive and you don’t have a car.” I stated. “Nope! I can drive. Just never been motivated to drive. And I borrowed Jungah noona’s car.” Jongin was snickering like a schoolgirl behind his mask. 

“Congratulations. Good for you.” I replied sarcastically as I automatically sat on the passenger seat of the car as he opened the door for me. 

“Let’s get you secured first” was the first thing he said as soon as he sat on the driver’s seat. He went for the classic move that all male leads seem to do in Korean dramas. He surprised me when he didn’t even pretend to reach for the belt but instead pulled me towards him and yanked his mask off to kiss me again, this time a bit longer. 

A few breathless minutes later, I came out of my fog to realize that I’ve been thoroughly kissed, buckled up and driving with him back home. Too tired and too confused to bother arguing with him again, I leaned back on my seat and closed my eyes. 

I woke up disoriented, vaguely recognizing the parking garage on my apartment complex. Jongin was crouching beside me with the car door open. He was trying to wake me. 

“Jin, we’re home. Can you manage to walk or do you want me to carry you?” Jongin was tenderly brushing my hair away from my face. When I still looked at him with my eyes half closed and my head lolling like a bobble head, he just chuckled and turned around to tug me to his back. I slid my arms around him, and leaned my cheek on his back as he easily lifted me. I was half asleep and mumbling. 

“You smell so good….wanna lick you.” He stopped walking and stiffened his spine. 

“Hair’s getting longer……need haircut……love your smile……blsdj@#!!hjbk” i continued mumbling, and those were the last things I can remember. 

I woke up sometime in the early morning hours needing to go to the bathroom. I shifted in bed to slide out from the warm covers, only it wasn’t the covers keeping me warm but Jongin. He was fast asleep with his arm draped on my waist. 

He didn’t leave me. Something clutched at my chest when I thought of that. I pushed that feeling down and buried it. I slid out from under his arm and stood up. I noticed a small tray containing a couple of cup ramyun, a water bottle, some kimchi and a plate with a heart shaped cookie. I guess, that’s his attempt to feed me. 

I went to bathroom and came out to find Jongin sitting up in bed rubbing his eyes sleepily. He smiled when he saw me come out of the bathroom. He opened his arms wide and teasingly dared me to come to his arms. I’m not sure who was more surprised when I did just that. I crossed the room, sat on his lap facing him, draped my arms around his neck and sexily kissed him. 

I woke up a sleeping tiger. Faster than I could realize, his hands were under the shirt was wearing. I broke the kiss hurriedly before it gets out of hand and leaned my forehead over his. 

“Jongin, it’s been several days. Aren’t you ever going home? Your mother and sister must be looking for you. You only ever go there to change clothes…and bring it back here.” I was trying to have a conversation but Jongin was busy trying to peel off my panties. 

“Why? I am home. I’m with you aren’t I?” He replied as he tugged his boxers down his hips. I opened my mouth to argue but got distracted by what was in front of me. I closed my mouth around that instead. He tasted salty on my tongue and sweet in heart. 

He gently pulled out his cock from my mouth which made me look at him in question. He smiled and pulled on my hand to make me stand up. He grinned wickedly as he led me a few steps to grab one of the wooden chairs I had. It was armless and sturdy. He sat down on it, his erection proudly jutting out. 

Still not understanding, I frowned in confusion. He pulled me towards him and lifted me with his strong arms so that I was straddling him. Finally I understood what he wanted. I gladly helped him as he positioned me in such a way that I would end up riding his cock. Like a wanton, I shamelessly purred as he lifted me effortlessly up and down his arousal, penetrating me deeper and at a different angle each time. He kissed and licked what he could of my neck, collarbone and chest. Jongin kept me secure in his embrace letting me control the pace of our lovemaking. 

“Can I change positions?” I breathed out as I felt his shaft bury deeply inside me again. 

“Sure” he replied huskily. He kept a hand on my waist as i turned around so that I would sit on his erection. He helped me drape my legs on either side of his strong thighs, his cock still inside my pussy. He was looking ahead somewhere and followed his gaze. He was looking at us on the mirror of my wardrobe cabinet. He can see how we look as he pumped in out of my pussy, my legs widespread, hiding nothing. It was fucking arousing. 

I leaned back into his embrace, letting him do what he wants with me. His clear enjoyment, making me more horny. He reached down and toyed with my clit, rubbing it in circles until it hardened into a small button that shot electricity between my legs. I kept on moaning his name. I heard him growl, his bucking hips now faster in rhythm, he was panting as he shot his load of cum inside me.

Two days later, he reluctantly went back to Seoul. He called me at odd hours of the day. He would tell me he missed me. We would have phone sex and be only half satisfied. A week later, his group released a comeback album that required promotions despite topping the charts. He was so busy he barely had time to sleep, let alone call me or his mother. 

I found out I was pregnant with his child, the same day I went to Seoul to watch him perform live on a music program. I disappeared from his life a week later.