#i figured this made the most sense sksks )

[golbrocklovely]

omg i just realized i never finished my season one recap

so here is my final review of the final video of season one

aka 'THE STANLEY: USA's Most Haunted Hotel (Our Return)'

i'm gonna be honest, going into this final video, i didn't really have high of hopes. for one, snc hype up every video they make and at this point, most have been a let down (or not quite what i had wanted them to be) and also amanda was gonna be in this video. and we all know how i feel about her. so, heading into this, i wasn't excited as i kinda hoped to be.

but i'll be honest, i was pleasantly surprised.

i legitimately liked this video at lot. there were a lot of parts that i wholeheartedly enjoyed and borderline smiled the whole way thru.

so to start off, even tho i didn't like the last time snc went to the stanley, i just wanted to note that i actually… liked this group a lot? i know, that's a crazy thing to say. but i think weirdly it helped a lot that amanda wasn't on her usual bs sksks

but i mean that as positive as i can be.

minus a small number of times, amanda was like more an active participant rather than an all seeing eye, if that makes sense. and mackie was fun, kinda just coming along for the ride.

i will say the one thing i had down in my notes about the video was that it felt… rushed, editing wise. like you could almost feel the time crunch snc were under to get this video done in time so that they could go to coachella. bc i've picked up on the fact that when snc are short for time while editing, they tend to throw more things in that they usually wouldn't. like there are random montages and jumpscare clips that get thrown in a lot, which is funny bc that causes you to do waste more time editing. but anyway, i digress.

so… regarding the spirit possibly attached to sam…

personally, idk if they really got rid of it by the end of the video. i would hope so bc i really don't want an attachment series 2.0. honestly, i don't want to hear the word attachment ever again after this series. but realistically, i really do hope that whatever was attached to sam is gone and isn't connected to him anymore. it would have been nice if they could have just figured out whether it was good or bad or just… neutral, if that's a thing and then just let it go or tell it to go to the light or whatnot.

what matters is whether or not sam feels like it's still with him. if he doesn't, than that's good. hell, even just basing it off of amanda and mackie's video that they filmed the next day after all of this, you can tell sam was different, almost chilled and relieved so… maybe all of this wasn't in vain.

okay so onto the investigation:

i love that sam kept harping on the renovations that were happening in stephen king's room and him asking "what renovations do you have to do on a hotel room?" uh????? TONS??????????

the vortex area, at least from someone sitting at home and not in this hotel at all, doesn't look all that weird or feel creepy. i mean, it's a hotel lobby. it can't be that weird feeling.

i love that they showed us places in the stanley that they didn't go to before back in the day. ngl kinda happy they didn't take jake and corey to the tunnels. god knows they would have just ran around and made fart jokes….

also jackie is hot. he looks like he could be related to nate.

connor… fucking sick dude. i love him. his energy… unmatched. he's so awesome. seriously the whole time i was watching him talk to snc i was smiling. he's so positive and nice. and finding out that snc were kinda sorta doing the estes method wrong or not in the best way… sounds about right lol

also how many times have i said that colby is the best at doing the estes method??? and then him doing it with connor and sam???? yall, if colby doesn't look into going to psychic at some point soon i'm gonna lose it.

and as a side note, like i've said a bunch of times with colby doing the estes method, for some reason i always get so uncomfortable when he does it. even when he did it this time, while it was super calm, it still creeped me out.

the idea that lucy may not even be a real person that existed, but rather a figment that has just continued to grow and become a spirit that now exists, only bc ppl believed in her so much… fascinating. and also completely terrifying.

i will say, while i get no feeling from the vortex area, the music hall…. different story. something about that place is off for sure.

i love that every couple minutes snc would say something that's kinda scary and jackie would just go like "okay" sksksk

if you want a good chuckle, go to the part where amanda and mackie jumpscare snc with the twin dresses. colby's laugh is… unmatched haha

when they did the spirit box session outside of stephen king's room, and a voice came thru in a different language, and amanda said it was latin… no it wasn't lol let's be realistic, what radio station is talking in latin in the estes park, colorado area??? how many ppl do you think actually know enough latin to string together a sentence??????? (that aren't a priest or whatnot)

…why did sam bring a vacuum?? they used it for the butt joke and then never again lmao

can i be honest? after watching this video the first time, watching amanda and mackie's video, and then rewatching this video again, i never want to hear about the cowboy spirit again. i just… don't care lol

amanda: i want to know why he wants us to leave! um… aren't you the psychic? ASK HIM.

sam: it almost feels thick… or stuffy. colby: you chose the word thick? :) i hate him... so much lol

the flashlight stuff they got in the music hall was interesting. but if i'm honest, i don't trust the ovulus thing. i always feel like anytime they use it, it just says random ass words that they get up in arms about.

the stuff that happened in paul's room was intriguing, if you ignore the part where they freaked out over the toilet randomly flushing lol

and then in lucy's room, that stuff was interesting. but i think i just realized they must have filmed this before they filmed one of the other episodes bc they didn't know about the bear-thingy.

the ovulus saying 'jackie' like that was really weird. why is that a word programed into that thing lol

so them going to the mirror, sam was supposed to do the estes method bc he lost nose goes, but colby ended up doing it anyway???

during this estes method, everything felt a lot more intense. but i also think it's funny to remind ourselves (or maybe just me) that if you put the video back in regular lighting and not the red one it's in, take out the intense music, it's just four ppl standing in a room, one of them has headphones on and is just spitting out random words, and another person is yelling at whatever is talking to not follow them anymore. and ngl, that scenario laid out that plainly sounds funny.

but again, just gotta reiterate, i don't like when colby does the estes method, even if he is the best at it. it just freaks me out every time.

the overlays of previous videos when sam was talking to the spirit to leave him alone….. bro i had to pause to take a break lmao

alrighty… overall i would rate this episode… 4/5. i know, the second time only during this whole series i've rated something above a three. but i genuinely do think this episode was really good. i thought it was a lot of fun and there were way more positives than negatives. amanda surprisingly didn't annoy me as much, which i think was a huge benefactor is keeping this episode in a higher spot. i also think this was a great way to end the season. i can't believe the second season won't be around until may 15… that's so much time to wait. but i'm excited to see what's instore for season two. from what the boys have mentioned of it, it seems like it's gonna be crazier than this season so that's a plus.

[yeonjuins]

SKDKAKSKSKSKDK CRYING YOURE SO CUTE I LOVE YOU but no honestly that warms my heart to know that you checked in on me and that it would cause despair if I were to leave (the feelings mutual) I’m glad seeing me in the notifs makes you happy ♡︎♡︎ seeing you on the dash make me happy to SKSK I’m always like “fran’s on” SJSJS but don’t worry I am not going anywhere lol

And I figured you would see me from your moots SKSKDK im slowly trying to come out of my shell and interact with people but you can’t send pictures on anon (boo) so I was like welp. It’s now or never and plus I know most ccs like interactions and I see that sometimes no one really sends anything so im like hey what do I have to lose and plus it would make their day soo I just do it SKSKS and like it’s getting kinda fun but I am still quite shy :3

I don’t mind it I actually like that you know my url SKSK but I like humming anon more,, it has meaning ♡︎♡︎

I’m so glad you’re feeling better ♡︎ it’s completely understandable though I tend to do that sometimes but my family always tends to reassure me that it’s okay because I barely spend things on myself (like literally whenever I get money I’m always trying to save but like eventually I’ll have to spend it on something I need but it doesn’t stop the guilt from flowing in) I guess we just have to train ourselves better at things like that,, did you end up buying the desk or you changed your mind?

Awe I’m glad it made you feel warm ♡︎♡︎ that was my goal SKSKS but it’s good that things aren’t as foggy for you now and hopefully everything calms down soon ♡︎

yes yes yes I totally agree!! I do that too SKSK like I have a playlist for just their songs when I’m in those moods so it’s no interruptions,, growl, mama, what is love yes so true <3 when I heard what is love I was like whaaaa why is this so good? Was literally so obsessed with it SKSKDK and yes exo was my first group too but like I’m fairly new to kpop and I discovered them in 2019 (not new but new yknow SJSJ) when I saw call me baby pop when I was listening lot music on YouTube also so funny because before call me baby popped up I was listening to an NCT song,, (can’t remember if it was Touch or Regular but it was between those two) but they were literally almost my ult group because they’re how I got into kpop (the 7th Sense my beloved <3) but then call me baby came on and just stole the shine SJSJ) PFTT are you talking about exo next door? I found time to watch the whole thing at some point when I got into them because I saw how people didn’t really like it but it actually wasn’t that bad to me KSSKDK and yes SKSK very understandable to have a crush on chanyeol <3 I did too (he’s one of my bias from that group along with Kai and Baek,,, don’t know why I can’t seem to have one bias SKSKD like i try so hard but it’s like my brain automatically chooses 3 and is satisfied) oop I totally rambled KSKS I hope all that made sense-

YES I DID!! ♡︎♡︎ you never knowwww I might like them hehe but yes you are doing good work my friend SKSKDK and thank youuu I ammm!! it went by so fast though :( but I enjoyed it nonetheless :D ♡︎♡︎♡︎

ikr? and I’m not sure but I think it’s like a transition song to another song from that album?? But don’t quote me on it but yeah it’s really pretty SKSKSK and oh what a cute name for a song,, I will definitely listen to it but noo that’s so nice SKSKDK like that makes me excited to listen to it

totally fine how you ended the ask SKSKD and of course of course I wholeheartedly enjoy your rambles ♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎

(lengthy response!)

hello my sweet angel my sleep schedule is so bad ASDHOAJWLMK legit i've been sleeping at 2am lately and then i go to school and sleep for another hour in the library... and then i go home and near the end of the day i feel really tired so i end up taking ANOTHER nap.... today was the worst because i slept around 2am (i was going to take melotonin to fix it but WE RAN OUT D:) but then my body WOKE UP AT 6AM? AND I WAS LIKE oh it's dreamies comeback so I LISTENED TO IT AND SKIMMED THROUGH THE ALBUM TRACKLIST AND THEN I WENT BACK TO SLEEP and i finally woke up around 9-10am... (":

on the bright side (?) i'm infamous for being the person that always sleeps in the library now PAHHAHHA i'm close w my librarians so they do not care but on friday i was so exhausted and my back was beginning to hurt from hunching over to put my head onto the desk so i just sprawled on one of the couches and knocked out for the entire period AND APPARENTLY THEY TEASED ME ABT IT IN THEIR OTHER CLASS ASHDOIKLAWM <3

i stayed home from school today because 1. bad sleep schedule 2. supply teacher and 3. my ikea order is coming in and i wanna work on my new set up asap (:< but i was like k first order of busniess i'm responding to humming anonnie they have waited long enough !!!!!

ASDUAWM NO YEAH ! every time i see you in my notifs i'm like (; it's humming anonnie hello and gives me a good indicator that you are alive and well <3

NOOO YEAH sending photos requires you to go off anon ): i think you can send links however...? it's a bit weird but ik u copy and paste your asks so they can go over the character limit so that should work !! it'll give me a nice surprise too tbh ASDHIUWAJM and ofc humming anon shall always be who i think u are.... (i legit do not know ur name otherwise ASHUDIJOKMAW BUT I THINK ! for the time being that's probably best?)

omg nct is what got you into kpop, yet alone, the 7th sense?? that's acc insane because the 7th sense is such a hard song to not only pull off as a performer but to indulge imo as well AND THAT ESP FOR A DEBUT SONG ? nct insanity since day one and they made that very clear (": <3

YES IM TALKING ABOUT EXO NEXT DOOR LETS FUCKING GOOOOO ASDHUIAWOMK i dont even remember the concept i think like... we were y/n or some shit (in this case, an exo-l but tbh it just felt like a y/n plot drama) and like ..... idk our love interest was between 3 guys? ??????????????????????? <- blurry memory

if ur brain automatically choses three people as ur biases, what do u do when u get into a group of three humming anon 🎤 <- reporters microphone

[vicious-vixxxen]

So I was wondering if you had a list of what characters you do and don’t write for??

I don’t know if you had one somewhere and I was blind and just passed it but I didn’t see any👉👈

Hhhahahaahaaaaaaaa cuz see....I’m a dingus. Cuz I don’t. So thank you, handsomest bread of the French variety, CUZ IM AN IDIOT AHHHH

OKAY SO.

I’m still finishing up my binge of My Hero- don’t come for me I’m almost done with season 3, you don’t have to have watched the entirety of the series to write for it- THOUGH I will say I’m sweating trying to find time to finish because as a writer, knowing the characters have been through things I’ve yet to see, means I can’t I incorporate then into my writing, and it gives me

✨ anxiety✨

SO, there are obviously characters like Mirio, Tamaki, and Hawks that I just can’t write for yet- despite feeling like I already have a good grasp on them, canon wise at least. But they’re a no go. For now.

I do feel pretty confident in my ability to write for all of the Class 1A males. Excluding Mineta- because if you simp for him you can show yourself out the door of my blog kindly- and a few class 1B characters, as well as some pros.

Below I’ll have a list of the characters I’m willing to write- bare in mind, more often than not these characters act as second in command to the male reader who’s point of view your reading from. Or rather, who’s third point of view your getting more exclusively, if that makes sense. So most of the time my stories won’t be focused on inner monologue and thoughts of these characters, moreso the !malereader, but sometimes it’ll shift. Just depends on how I’m feeling.

I listed the characters in more or less the order in which I’m most comfortable writing for them- the beginning of the list being the most comfortable, the end being characters I’m still working on figuring out, but am willing to take prompts for all the same. It just may take me a while longer to get to them, if I decide to fill them at all.

From most confident writing for, to least confident writing for, at present date, is as follows:

Eijiro Kirishima

Izuku Midoriya

Tenya Iida

Katsuki Bakugou

Denki Kaminari

Hanta Sero

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu ((big lols typing it for the first time sksks))

Shoto Todoroki

Yuga Aoyama

Enji Todoroki

Toshinori Yagi

Hizashi Yamada

Shota Aizawa

Neito Monoma

Fumikage Tokoyami

Mezo Shoji

Mashirao Ojiro

Rikido Sato

Koji Koda

Tada! There ya have it! All the names above are characters I am currently taking prompts for, SFW as well as NSFW. I’ll reblog with an updated list as I finish up season 3 and 4.

Note: Sending in an ask does NOT mean it will be answered, though I will try my hardest to get each one out at some point. But if a prompt just won’t spark any inspo, I may set it aside to try and come back to, OR, if you ask off of anon, I’d be happy to message you privately about maybe posting the prompt to the public, to see if any other writers take inspo from it to fill it for ya? It’s something I used to do on another writing blog within a community of writers, so no harm in trying to get it out there, in case I can’t fill that fantasy for you for whatever reason. There are totally options.

I’m currently on vacation, but I saw frenchies ask and just had to answer- cuz they’re great 💖💖— but I’ll be back with another prompt fill on Monday!

It’s A Deku one, and I’m very excited about it :3

Hope you’re all having a lovely weekend! And thank you for all the love and kind messages on my first story, it literally made my entire week seeing the response! You guys are absolutely amazing, and I hope I can keep filling fantasies, and giving you guys an outlet to express your love for these guys.

Thank you a trillion times over.

Vixen💖

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

Hitmen AU! | Head Canons | 19+ [Haikyuu!!]

KΛЯΛƧЦПӨ [PART i] [PART ii] [PART iii]

Hello! Welcome to my first AU here on tumblr~! I hope y’all enjoy~ sksksk

feel free to ask questions or request anything from this AU! (Just specify so I know~)

» » Admin Ko

»»————-　♔　————-««  

‣ A newly established group in the underworld.

They’re not that big of a group, but damn did their rookies make an impact on their first assignment.

The target was neutralized like that.

D̴a̴i̴c̴h̴i̴ ̴S̴a̴w̴a̴m̴u̴r̴a̴

Daichi be the head honcho, I’m sure we’ve been known

He’s cool and collected, normally very level headed and able to handle the chaotic shit his fellow group mates cause (*cough* tanaka noya hina kage *cough*)

His skill set is a wide variety, but his specialty is close combat.

Besides Sugawara, he’s the one to quickly defuse any situation that arises from their group whenever one of them acts...rowdy

But don’t get me wrong, these boys know very well when their boss is ready to blow up and always find excuses to be out of his way. (out of sight out of mind amiright?)

“Are you fucking shitting me? This is the 3rd time this week that I’ve gotten a messy report coming back from you two!”

Irritated and tired, Daichi slammed the heavy file onto the antique table. His lean form melting into the chair as he let out a heavy and slow sigh before finally letting his gaze fall onto the two bowed heads before him.

“I want you both to explain to me in detail how you managed to, not only get yourselves injured, but how in the absolute fuck did you guys make literal chunks of our target rain over 5th street.”

But I’m sure y’all wanna know how he be looking right  ｡ ◕‿◕｡

He’s 5′9″ [176cm], beefy (sksksks) with a handful of tattoos

Big ol hands, bb gotta smack some sense into his boys as well as be able to get a good hold of a runaway target.

Is not one for piercings, but has two basic black studs on his ears.

He’s usually in the background for assignments.

Torture session? He in the shadows

Assassination? In le other building prepped and ready in case the unexpected happens

If his s/o is a part of their rag tag team he will be only slightly lenient on reprimanding them

Loves to have them close by as he works and tends to have lots of stress relief smex

is highly protective of s/o

like shit watch out bro

s/o is one of the few things that help him keep his humanity especially with all he does

Any who, onto the next bb

K̷o̷s̷h̷i̷ ̷S̷u̷g̷a̷w̷a̷r̷a̷

Sugawara is 1/2 of the brain and tactics in their rag tag team of misfits

Acts like the motherly hen around the rookies, but can be just as terrifying as Daichi when ticked off

There can only be so much he can take as 1/2 of the brains and tactics of their little group.

As expected he handles the tactical planning for upcoming missions

and tends to get highly irate when none of his members listen or follow through a very simple phase of his plan

scares a lot of people shitless when he gives them The Smile ™

Made Asahi cry on their first meeting after he bore witness to The Smile ™

His main strong point in regards to fighting is blade wielding.

Dislikes the use of guns, but will use them if he has to.

Relishes in ending a very irritating target’s demise

Is also the group’s main medic

“Did you really think you’d be able to actually get away that easily?” A mocking laugh danced through the tense air as piercing russet eyes settled on the trembling man before the blood splattered figure.

The begging man’s allies laid in disarray on the floor in various forms of ‘sleep’ as the silver haired male meandered closer.

“I applaud you. You and your rats have given us something to actually do. Of course that doesn’t excuse the fact that my team wasn’t competent enough to follow through with the first phase of our plan.” A sharp, yet brief glance at the squawk of blame between the two bickering members in his assigned team had him repressing the urge to whack both upside the heads.

“Now then...let’s go ahead and have a little...chat. I’d love to hear how you got information on our group...”

Appearance wise, Sugawara is just a couple of centimetres below Daichi’s height

Unlike Daichi, Sugawara is a lot more lean muscle with scars littering his body

Has only one tattoo at the nape of his neck

Is usually the one on clean up duty after the rookies weak havoc on their latest target

is very doting on his s/o

when the rest of the team saw this version of Sugawara they all thought that Kiyoko had laced their food with some crazy drug

Sugawara gives them all a look as they theorize what was happening before them

he likes to cuddle s/o when they sleep it helps keep the nightmares away

likes to take s/o out on normal dates whenever he can

Next bb!

A̴s̴a̴h̴i̴ ̴A̴z̴u̴m̴a̴n̴e̴

Ah yes, soft baby, or what we’d like to think is soft baby

Little do we know Asahi is a part of information collector and clean up duty

Which in short yis, he be part of torture club SKSK

Granted he doesn’t partake in a lot of it. His look of indifference does help set tension and fear into the victim though

ya know, since he always be assumed to be a terrifying big ol man

Is part of the clean up team, and helps keep Sugawara level-headed and calm as they discover just how much ‘fun’ the younger members of their group had when they were getting rid of their target

Tends to also be the voice of reason when Sugawara or Daichi are about ready to skin the young crows alive

“Are you-- Asahi are you fucking seeing this shit?! I’m going to wring their necks...”

Chuckling, the man in question could only place a comforting hand on the blade wielder’s shoulder.

“Well, they did get the job done; and the target was a bit more clever than usual,”

Picking up a bit of discarded flesh and flinging it to their bins of ‘goodies’, the calmer male gave the fuming one a serene look.

“but they did capture a good portion of their second in command. So if you’d like, you can join in our session for some stress relief.”

Despite the calming look on his face, Sugawara knew Asahi needed some stress relief as well. Especially after having dealt with Noya’s adventure the week prior.

With that, the medic caved, and nodded; appreciating the offer for the urge to spill blood.

Now, how does bb look? He’s the tallest out of the veteran group

a strong build and can be seen as the sturdy immovable wall (hehehe)

Like Daichi and Sugawara, Asahi has a couple of tattoos

Usually keeps his hair in a half man bun as he works

He’s very gentle with his s/o

Which comes to a surprise to absolutely no one

Is the most ‘normal’ out of the group when it comes to having a relationship

Last but not least~!

K̷i̷y̷o̷k̷o̷ ̷S̷h̷i̷m̷i̷z̷u̷

The main decoy who infiltrates any sort of hard to meet target

A skilled assassin who uses medical knowledge to quickly and effectively get rid of targets

currently training one of the newest rookies 

She’s mainly seen as indifferent no matter what antics the rest of the group manage to pull

The last to be called into help with interrogations if the victim manages to still hold through 

helps Sugawara in terms of healing any of the more rambunctious who get too badly hurt after a chaotic mission

besides Asahi she’s seen as another voice of reason

Stepping into the room with practiced ease, the fair woman couldn’t help but let out a soft sigh as she observed the state of the room. Rose petals, wine, the usual works of a serenade in the works. It might’ve worked on someone who actually had good intentions and emotions for the sleeze of a man before her, but she was here for one purpose and one purpose only.

Acting her part, she played the male before her into her hands as she pushed the male down towards the bed. A seductive smile gracing her features as she leaned down to kiss his neck. The male’s eyes fluttering closed in anticipation for the night of his life. Yet within that brief moment, she struck. Syringe imbedded deeply into the main artery in his neck, she watched as he began to choke and writhe about in pain as his airways shut. The slow and torturous burn eating away at the man before he fell limp into the sheets.

Slowly sitting up, the woman went to dress herself as she sent a simple voice message.

“Target neutralized. Clean up requested.”

It’s no lie that she’s a literal goddess among humans.

Her looks and indifferent reactions have many thinking she’s playing hard to get when that’s not the case

Like the rest of the veterans, she has a handful of tattoos decorating her skin

with her s/o she’s a bit more expressive in her emotions 

she doesn’t trust easily, but with time builds trust with her s/o and groupmates

she’s quite shy in showing PDA initially, but when she feels confident that s/o won’t leave her she shows it more often

loves to get kisses before and after missions

could be considered emotionally constipated, but she’s truly not she just unsure of loving for the first time~

[petersasteria]

Someday We’ll Know - Haz Osterfield

Pairing: Haz x Singer!Reader

Part 1:  Still Into You || Haz Osterfield Masterlist

* * * *

Hurt. When love is present, hurt would be just around the corner; lurking around to find the perfect time to strike. It's the storm after the calm. No one ever talks about what we should do after we get hurt. You see, hurt is inevitable. No one knows when or how we'll get hurt, but it's inevitable and it just happens. Everyone wishes they could have known beforehand, so that they could be prepared. Well, no one's ever prepared.

Love is a battlefield; it's war. Love is a war and we are love's soldiers. Before we go into war, we tell ourselves what we should and what we should not do. But when we're at war itself, we lose all control and we're clueless. We tell ourselves to prepare, but when it's actually happening, we forget all the things we prepared for; we forget why we prepared in the first place.

Maybe that's why we get hurt. We forget to secure ourselves. Unlike love, hurt only has a few questions. They say love is the most complicated thing, but let's not forget that hurt is complicated too. Sometimes, we hurt first before we love. An example of this would be if you get hurt that your friend started dating. Only to realize that you were hurt, because you actually love them and it was kind of late to realize it.

Is hurt a good thing? Or is hurt a bad thing? Are pain and hurt one and the same? Why do we get hurt? Do we hurt when we hurt other people? Is hurt a form of love?

There are a lot more questions. Like love, answers about hurt may vary depending on who you ask. Everyone's hurt levels are different and everyone hurts differently.

Hurt is both a good thing and a bad thing. It feels bad, but because it feels bad, it becomes a good thing. You're probably asking, 'how come it becomes a good thing?'. It becomes a good thing, because now, you're fully aware that whatever environment you're in is bad. It's a warning.

Hurt is a form of warning before a heartbreak. The moment you feel hurt, spare yourself from heartbreak and just leave. Or you could fix it with love. But not all problems should be solved with love. See? It's complicated. There are so many should's and shouldn't's.

Love and hurt get along, because they're both complicated. And because they're both complicated and they get along, it's the perfect concoction for what makes us human. Loving is not wrong. Hurting is not wrong, either. Love and hurt makes us wiser and stronger that's why it's the perfect concoction for making us human.

Like love, hurt is inevitable. They go together, after all. If they go together, was love supposed to hurt? Was love all about hurting? Was it possible to love someone who hurt you? Was it possible to hurt someone you love? If all the answers are 'yes', then we've finally answered one question about love. We partly figured out what love is. Last time, we learned that:

Love is complicated. Some people say that love wasn't supposed to hurt. If we get hurt, it wasn't love.

If love was all about hurting, let's debunk that and answer the questions instead.

Was it possible to love someone who hurt you? Yes, because at some point in life, we loved them with our whole being before they hurt us.

Was it possible to hurt someone you love? Absolutely. Whether you intended it or not, it's still possible to hurt someone you love.

It's been two years since Y/N and Harrison broke up. The two twenty-five year olds would have been dating for twelve years. They would've been engaged. Harrison had a ring prepared, after all. He bought it after Y/N's visit all those years ago. He didn't propose because he wanted to wait.

Waiting. True love waits until you regret not shooting your shot in the first place. If Harrison knew that they'd break up years later, he would have proposed then and there. If he did that, Y/N would've said yes and they would've been happily married. They would've started a family.

But if he did that, Y/N wouldn't have been a singer. He knew that she'd decide to settle with him rather than focus on a singing career. He didn't want that. So he guessed that he made the right decision to not propose.

Both Harrison and Y/N didn't know what to do. They've literally been in a committed and serious relationship for ten years and now they didn't know what it was like to be single. The last time they were both single was when they were twelve and they couldn't exactly do what their single twelve year old selves did.

As each day passed by, both of them were unknowingly thinking of each other. Y/N would write songs about him, she'd record it, but she'd never release it. It would remain in her vault of songs dedicated for Harrison. She was updated with everything he was doing and Harrison was updated about her too. The fans were hurt that their power couple wasn't together anymore. But from time to time, they'd fit the other on the other's post.

Like when Y/N posted a picture of her reflection on the glass window. It was just a simple picture and the caption was: baby, not a day goes by that i'm not into you.

The fans freaked out and saw. They knew it was for Harrison. They shamelessly mentioned him in their comments and Harrison saw it. He would've seen it anyway without all the mentions. He asked himself why she'd put a lyric from their theme song as a caption. He wanted to ask her the same thing, but he knew that Y/N would answer, "why not?"

Harrison didn't know why she did that. Y/N didn't know either. Maybe, subconsciously, she knew that Harrison would see her post and maybe her subconscious was sending a message to Harrison that she was still in love with him and that she still thought of him as the love of her life and that she thought of him in general. If that were the case, Harrison felt it too. Because he, too, posted a picture with the caption: some things just, some things just makes sense and one of those is you and I.

The fans noticed and they practically begged for them to get back together. Y/N saw the picture and she finally did something she's never done in two years: she liked the picture. Again, the fans saw and they freaked out. In return, Harrison liked her picture too.

Rumors started circulating as fans speculated that they're getting back together soon. They prayed and hoped that they would.

Harrison's mother knew that everything will turn out in the end. She said that when he was twenty; when he broke down, because he was miles away from Y/N. She also said that when he called her to tell her that he and Y/N called it quits. She said it again when the rumors started. She was a wise woman. In fact, all mothers are wise women.

Y/N and Harrison thought differently about the break up. Y/N thought that maybe they actually weren't meant to be; they weren't soulmates. Harrison thought that they were meant for each other, no matter what. He thought of that thanks to his mother.

Y/N was utterly confused.

Does love always play like that? After being with someone for years, it suddenly wasn't meant? What the fuck was that? All those years were wasted. After being together with someone for a long time, it suddenly didn't work out? That's bullshit, but it happens. It unfortunately and sadly happens. Sometimes, we were just destined to meet someone. Just because we were destined to meet someone, doesn't mean that we were meant to be with that person. Someday, we'll all know an answer as to why that happens. But for now, we'll just have to accept that, that's life and that's love.

Y/N decided it would be nice to do an Instagram live stream at home, because she had a day off. She thought it would be nice to just have a chill day and maybe do some karaoke. Her tv had a YouTube feature anyway; she could search up some instrumentals of songs she wanted to sing.

An hour into her live stream, Harrison decided to watch. He didn't want people to cause a stir if he used his account, so he asked Tom if they could watch on his phone instead. Tom agreed with no hesitation. The fans saw that Tom was watching and pointed out that if Tom was there, Harrison was there somewhere. Y/N didn't notice it, because she just kept singing and randomly dancing.

It was entertaining.

After singing and dancing to "We're All In This Together", she decided to take a breather and talk to some fans. She saw that Tom left a comment here and there and she smiled and said, "Hi Tom! I hope I see you soon."

Tom smiled and commented, "See you soon!"

The fans went wild.

"Soon?? Are haz and y/n back together??"

"is she dating tom? sksks"

"lol no she isn't dating tom wtf tom wouldn't do that to harrison"

"lowkey kinda ship"

"haz and y/n are endgame PERIODT"

She chose to ignore the comments, because she didn't want to stir something up especially when they were all not true.

"This next song is called 'Someday We'll Know' and it's one of my favorite songs at the moment." She smiled and she played the song.

Ninety miles outside Chicago

Can't stop driving, I don't know why

So many questions, I need an answer

Two years later you're still on my mind

Upon hearing that line, Tom nudged Harrison and smiled at him. It was Tom's subtle way of telling him that Y/N dedicated that song for him. Tom knew that and he felt that. In some way, he felt that Y/N knew that Harrison was watching with him.

And Tom was right.

Y/N knew that Harrison was watching that's why she chose that song. If she were to sing 'Still Into You', it would be obvious. So, she did a smart move and picked the song she thought was perfect for them at the moment. Y/N didn't give Harrison closure. After all, she was the reason for the break up as much as she hated to admit it. This was Y/N's way of expressing her hurt and pain and heartbreak and sadness. Y/N thought that if she and Harrison were really meant for each other, he would feel how sorry she was.

And he did feel it. He just didn't know how to express it. He was still hurt, though. He was scared too. He was scared to be with her again. He was scared to love her too much again. He feared that if he loved her too much again, history would repeat itself and they'd let go of each other once more. Harrison was too fragile go to through that again.

Letting go. Two words that are easy to say, but hard to do. Part of letting go is moving on. The first step is to let go, because we can't move on if we're still holding on to the past. The past will always be our past as much as we hate it. But if we learn to let go of all of our past woes, we would be able to move on and live free from the past that used to cage us.

Letting go is a part of love. You see, love is a journey. It's like a life within a life. Notice how our love lives are different from our normal lives. When we're with the person we love, everything feels like a scene from a movie. But when we aren't with them, everything's so mundane.

Y/N loved Harrison enough to let him go. That was part of the journey. After all, we all have to let go at some point, right?

But Y/N was responsible for hurting Harrison. How come she had to let him go and not the other way around? Just because Harrison got hurt, doesn't mean that he's the one who should let go. Y/N had a reason: she let go of him, because she didn't want to hurt him anymore. She set him free and sometimes that's how you can show your love for someone.

Neither of them wanted it to happen, but they knew one of them had to do something. Y/N settled on letting him go instead, because he would be free from hurt.

"I'll ask Tom to get my stuff. You should stay here."

"But we bought it together after I graduated." Y/N frowned.

"Yeah, but your studio is here and if you moved out, it'll be hard to move those too. I'll stay with Tom, it's alright." Harrison gave her a small smile before leaving.

Even when they said goodbye, Harrison still cared. He never really stopped.

Caring is another form of love. When someone once had meaning in your life, you still end up caring for them. It's just the way it is. However, that only happens when you truly loved them, though. It only happens when it only ended on good terms.

"Mate, you still care about her, don't you?" Tom asked one night. Harrison glanced at him before looking back at his hands, "I never said I stopped caring. I still do."

"So, you still love her?" Tom added.

"I never stopped loving her either." Harrison replied.

"I don't get it." Tom said. "I know both of you still love and care for each other. So why aren't you together?"

"Love is complicated, Tom. I want to get back together, but I'm not sure if I should; I'm not sure if she wants to. I want to get back together, but I'm scared to get hurt again. Is that okay for me to feel that way?" Harrison looked at his best friend in worry.

Tom gave him a small smile and nodded, "That's totally valid."

Love is scary. Love is scary, because we don't know what will happen if we fall in love. Falling in love is a leap of faith. If you trust the person you love to catch you, falling for that person would be easy. If you don't, immediately let go and work on yourself first. Don't have second thoughts asking yourself if loving this person is right, because love shouldn't have second thoughts. Love should be built with trust.

Jasmine trusted Aladdin from the first time they met when they were running away from the palace guards. Before they went on a carpet ride Aladdin, or Prince Ali, asked her if she trusted him. She hesitantly said yes. She could've said no, but she didn't. But maybe she said yes, because Prince Ali was familiar to her. Sure, she was hesitant, but she still said yes. She had a feeling that Aladdin and Prince Ali were one and the same and she was right. That's why it worked out in the end. Jasmine and Aladdin were each other's soulmate.

What comes in your mind when you hear or see the word 'soulmate'?

People are divided into two when it comes to soulmates. People who believe in them and people who don't. Like hurt and love, most people have different answers regarding the question on whether they believe in soulmates and if soulmates are real.

Some people don't believe in soulmates. They believe that if a person was compatible with another person, those are because of their goals and personalities.

According to some people who said that soulmates are people who were meant to be with us. Some people also say that soulmates aren't necessarily people who we're romantically involved with, because soulmates can be friends.

From those, we can conclude that soulmates are people who we're meant to be with. Soulmates are people who are perfect for us. If so, how can we know if a person is our soulmate? Well, that's the thing. You'll just know. If you're still confused, you probably haven't found yours. It'll only make sense when you have a soulmate. One cannot simply explain on how to know if a person was written in the stars for you, because you'll know. It's a feeling and it's hard to explain.

Soulmates usually come after the storm. That's based from observation. No one talks about it, though. They only mention the calm before the storm, but they don't mention the storm itself and what comes after it. You see, after the storm, there's the sun. Calm is the love that makes us live in pure bliss and content, the storm is the hurt that unknowingly strikes and the impact of it is the inevitable heartbreak, and the sun is the peace that comes and swoops in to save us from the ruins of heartbreak's impact. That's what a soulmate is. Because after all the mistakes we've made and after everything we've been through, the sun will always be there to shine at the end of it.

One of Y/N's friends threw a party and Y/N took a day off just to go. It was her friend's birthday, after all. She wouldn't miss it for the world. What she didn't know was that Harrison would be there. Harrison didn't know Y/N was coming either. So it came as a surprise to them when they saw each other at the party.

"Fancy seeing you here." Y/N said with a smile.

"Likewise." Harrison smiled back.

"So, um how've you been?" Y/N asked. "It's been two years."

"I'm, I'm good. You?"

"Same here."

Silence fell upon them. It felt like they were thirteen again when they met up at the mall for their first date. Y/N chuckled at the thought and Harrison did the same. They looked at each other and asked at the same time, "Did you think about our first date at the mall?"

Harrison laughed, "Oh god, you did!"

"How could I not? We were so awkward!" Y/N laughed.

Once both of them calmed down, Harrison gave her a smile, "This feels nice. I really missed you."

"I really missed you too." Y/N said lovingly. "Look, I'm sorry for what happened two years ago. I was really busy and-"

"Don't worry about it, Y/N."

"I just want to say so-"

"I said don't worry about it." Harrison pushed.

"Why? I hurt you. I hurt the person I love and I want to apologize for it." Y/N frowned. Harrison held both of her hands and said, "You shouldn't worry about it, because I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. I forgave you before I left the house."

It now makes sense on why we care about who hurt us. We only care about them if we forgive them. If caring is another form of love, forgiveness is the same thing. An example of this would be Eliza forgiving Alexander Hamilton. But if we love the person who hurt us greatly, sometimes, we still care about them during the in between.

From that moment, Y/N and Harrison knew that they'd be okay. This moment was their sun. Harrison's mother was right once more.

Someday we'll know

Why Samson loved Delilah

One day I'll go

Dancing on the moon

Someday you'll know

That I was the one for you

The song played loudly through the speakers. Harrison and Y/N lightly chuckled. He asked, "Is this our new song?"

"I guess so, but not quite. It's complicated." Y/N replied.

"Then let's not complicate ourselves." Harrison smiled sweetly. "I love you and I haven't stopped. I'd love for us to be together again, if you'll allow it?"

"Haz, of course I want to be with you again." Y/N smiled.

Just like that, they were together again. They trusted each other enough to try again and they loved each other enough to fall back into love.

What is love? Love is a lot of things. Love is complicated. Love is nothing without trust. Love is the calm before the storm. Love is a soothing and cool feeling. Love is about balance; the give and takes. Love has a shit ton of meanings and a shit ton of perceptions. Love is real. Love is fickle. Love is everywhere.

There are no rules in love, because no one wrote such rules. We love who we want to love. We love when we want to love. Love knows no limits or boundaries. Love is different, because we write our own love stories, we create our own love stories, we have our own love stories, and we are our own love stories.  Love is a journey that everyone takes whether we like it or not. We keep loving despite knowing the storm will come, because love is natural.

Love is not rehearsed.

Love is a battlefield; it's war. Love is scary. Love is beautifully terrifying.

Is hurt a good thing? Yes.

Is hurt a bad thing? Yes.

Are pain and hurt one and the same? No. Hurt is a feeling when we're in pain.

Does love always play like that? After being with someone for years, it suddenly wasn't meant? Yes, because no one ever said that love was fair.

Love is a leap of faith.

Love is forgiveness.

The calm can happen for years. The storm can come multiple times. But the sun; the sun can only come once. We may never know what stage we're in right now. We can be at the state of calmness or we could be in the middle of a storm, but one day all the skies, our woes, will clear up and the sun will come to save us.

"There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

* * * *

Sorry if it’s shit lmao

𝐇𝐀𝐙 𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland @silencetheslaves @peachmaybnx @imeanlifesabitshit @joyleenl @marshxx​ @hjoficrecs

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr @petersholland @osterfieldnholland @miraclesoflove

𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐇𝐚𝐳 𝐎𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟

[boba-xing]

Captivating {Chapter 4}

Fem!Reader x Werewolf!Choi Seungcheol (SVT)

Warnings: none

Tagged: @suhappysuho @captain-brie @seekerbabygirl @moon8894 @yippee-kay-yay @sehunnies-hunnie96 @lovinggalaxies @brokenbutchocolate @amixoferrthang @doyouknowkpopp @hhhhwww7 @3rachatraingoeschoochoo @sksk-x @haluim17 @sakura-uji @jelly-fishy-babie​

-

If it wasn’t for Seungcheol’s strong grip you would’ve collapsed on the floor, gasping as it suddenly dawns on you. Your roommate hadn’t come back.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Seungcheol turns you round in his grip, your panic-stricken face now in his chest. “It’s going to be alright.”

“Ch-cheol, Minhyuk didn’t come back last night. My roommate, h-he always comes back.” you grip the fabric of his jumper tighter in your hands,

“We don’t know that he didn’t just stay with his friends,___, it could just be a ploy to scare you.” Cheol looks down at you, gently caressing your hair, “We just need to report this to the police and then get you somewhere safe.”

You look up at him with teary eyes, “How did they g-get in?”

“I don’t know, love...this could be a prank? Maybe your roommate is trying to prank you.” He suggests,

“Maybe he took Min’s key.” you sniffle, letting him lead you to the sofa,

“Sit down, love, I’ll call the police and we’ll get what you need.”

“What do you mean?” you brush your hair back with your palm,

“The safest place for you to be is my house. No one’s going to hurt you when there are thirteen men ready to protect you.” he reassures, “I know it might not be ideal, but I can’t think of anywhere safer.” 

When you’ve dropped the letter at the police station, Seungcheol drives you straight to his house - all your necessary items in the back of his car.

“A-are you sure you have enough room for me?” 

“Well, we might have to share my bed for the first few days, but we have an attic that we can convert into a bedroom. It’s quite nice and cosy up there so you’d have your own space.”

“But, Cheol, that’s way too much, I’m only staying until they find out who it is.”

“Don’t worry, love, we were going to turn it into a spare bedroom anyway.” he smiles,

Your teeth bite gently at the skin of your lip, anxiety written all over your face as the car pulls into the driveway of Seungcheol's home.

It was only the other day you were here, uncomfortable and scared. You didn't know how you were going to face the rest of the boys, since they seemingly didn't like you, well...apart from Joshua. You were hoping to see him again.

"Don't be nervous, princess, I promise they're not as cold as they seem." Cheol smiles softly at you before you both climb out of the car.

Leading you up to the front door, you can make out some keen eyes peering at you through an upstairs window. Noticing your acknowledgement, the face vanishes.

"Come in."

You step, again, into his home, now realising how large it is, and how chaotic (by the sounds of yelling upstairs). A familiar, frustrated voice can be heard in the distance before Joshua comes running down the stairs. "___!"

"Hi." You smile shyly,

"Josh, I was wondering if you could introduce ___ to the boys, she's going to be staying with us for a while." Seungcheol places his hand on your back in consolation,

"Yeah, of course, let's go." Joshua beams, rushing you up the stairs, "Can I ask why you're staying with us? Did something happen?"

"Oh, someone broke into my apartment while I was asleep and left a note. Kind of a stalker situation." You nod, letting him guide you down the hallway to a closed door.

"Ah, well, you'll be safe here." He glances at the door before knocking on it, "Mingyu?"

A strange growling answer comes back through the door and Joshua opens it, peeking his head in before opening it fully.

You follow him in, eyes darting to a long body sprawled on the bed, tufts off brown hair perked in every direction.

"Mingyu." Joshua repeats, watching as the giant rolls over. The man makes a loud shriek before throwing the book in his hands onto the other side of the room and jumping out of the bed at lightning speed - only to wack his head on the ceiling. Joshua sighs heavily, "Oh my god."

"Are you okay?" You ask, looking up at his giant figure,

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." He smiles, massaging the side of his head.

"___, this is Mingyu. Mingyu, ___."

"Nice to meet you." You both say,

"He's the tallest of the group, and he's also a big baby." Josh grins,

"Huh?" Mingyu mumbles, still rubbing at his head frantically,

"Anyway, onto the next one." Josh leads you back out of the room and toward another (one filled with screaming and yells and god knows what else). He doesn't knock this time, just opens the door and let's me see the chaos ensuing. "___, meet Soonyoung, Chan and Seungkwan."

They all freeze in their positions, looking completely startled. Seungkwan suddenly jumps into action, making his way over to you, bowing, "It is a pleasure to meet you."

“You too.” You smile, pleasantly surprised by the man’s manners. However, Soonyoung takes the opportunity to hurl something at the back of his head - narrowly missing your own.

“Ya!” Joshua’s face becomes the epitome of anger as he turns to face the younger. Even though his annoyance is minor, you can’t help but form goosebumps in his suddenly cold presence. “Apologise to her!”

“Sorry.” Soonyoung says, a slight pout on his lips.

“I’m sorry, ___, they have a lot of energy.” Joshua frowns, rushing you out of the room and closing the door behind him. He quickly guides you to another room, knocking and receiving a grunt from whoever’s inside. When he opens the door, you spot a clearly distracted (by his phone) man lying down on his bed. “Vernon. Meet ___.”

Without glancing in your direction, he sends a small wave...clearly uninterested.

Joshua smiles sweetly at you before taking you back downstairs. You look at him questioningly, “What do you guys do?”

“Not much to be honest.” He chuckles, “Not to boast, but we have quite a lot of money so working is optional to us. Some of us have part-time jobs and others don’t.”

“Oh, okay.” You were quite surprised at his answer, “Why did you choose to live all the way out here?”

He pauses for a moment, carefully thinking over his answer, “We just liked it...and we’ve all been friends for a long time so it made sense to live together. We’re like brothers, really.”

You’re met by several eyes when you enter the kitchen.

“___, this is Jun, Jeonghan, Dokyeom and Minghao.” he introduces, “Guys, this is ___.”

“Nice to meet you!” Dokyeom beams, a huge smile taking up most of his face. The others just nod, Jeonghan offering a small smile too.

“Nice to meet you too.” You say shyly, aware of the men’s eyes on you still,

“Are Jihoon and Wonwoo in the living room?” Joshua asks, Minghao responds with a nod, and you soon find yourself in the living room with two other rather unfriendly looking figures.

“Jihoon.” He motions to the smaller man you’d encountered before, and then to the rather lean one sitting on the opposite sofa. “Wonwoo.”

You smile back at Josh and he chuckles.

“Some of them aren’t the friendliest, but they’ll warm up to you in no time.” He grins. 

You have to say you admire Joshua for his optimism and warmth. 

“Why don’t we go and see how Seongcheol’s getting on? I think he brought your stuff inside.”

[chu-ni]

candy jar -- ldh.

pairing: haechan x reader

genre: enemies to lovers?? yeah?? with some fluff?

warnings: swearing. so if you’re not into that,,,sad times :(

word count: 5.8k

a/n: in case u didn’t know this is based off the netflix film candy jar!! i got real inspired by it!!

also this is my first fic on this blog so like. please be nice sksk

“Look at him. Look at that smug look on his smug face,” you grumble under your breath, eyes shooting daggers at the boy currently sitting across from you. Ever since kindergarten, you and Lee Donghyuck (or Haechan, as he preferred to be called) have had a vendetta, of sorts.

It all started when he upstaged your speech on butterflies (which was very well written, if you said so yourself) back in kindergarten by singing a song about bees, bees, of all things! He even smiled at you as he did it. Since then, it seemed as though he’d made it his life’s mission to beat you at absolutely everything. You’d had a passion for debate as soon as you’d entered high school, and, lo and behold, your lifetime enemy had a passion for debate too. Now juniors, the both of you admittedly put a little less time into arguing with each other,and more into your studies, but after the previous captain of debate club had graduated last year, a kind upperclassman named Mark, the two of you were the top (and only willing) candidates to take his place. Your constant arguments about who should take over had resulted in the two of you currently being forced to spend some time in the counselor’s office.

“I don’t think you understand, Miss Johnson. I’m clearly more level headed and responsible than him, so I deserve the title of captain, obviously-”

“Obviously? Obviously a four time state qualifier like me deserves the title, and, when you consider the numerous contributions my parents have made to the debate club-”

“Here we go again, Donghyuck, always using your precious rich kid privilege to get what you want. Can’t you ever work for something you want like the rest of us?”

“If by ‘the rest of us’ you mean the likes of peasants, like you, then the answer is most definitely a solid no-”

“Oh my God, you’re so annoying!” You say, throwing your hands up in frustration.

“See? This is why I can’t work with her. How do you expect us to co-captain when she’s like this?”

Eyes narrowed, glaring at him, you snarl. “When I’m like what, Donghyuck?”

Pinching her nose bridge, the counsellor interrupts you two.

“Quiet, the both of you!”

You sink into your seat, cowed.

“Honestly. I asked the two of you to jointly run a group because I thought you’d be mature enough to set aside your differences– however silly they were– and work effectively. But clearly, my expectations were too high. The both of you can leave my office and return when you can speak to each other with some kind of civility.”

“But-” Haechan interjects.

“Out!” She snaps. “I wonder if the two of you are even human sometimes,” she mutters.

And with that, the two of you leave, shoving each other on your way out.

If it wasn’t bad enough that the two of you were forced to share a club together, it was even worse that the two of you were forced into sharing every class together, as well. As the bell rings, signifying an hour of sheer boredom with the one person you’d be happy to go the rest of your life without, you begin dragging yourself to your lesson when his voice pipes up.

“You know, that meeting would’ve gone a lot better if you’d just admitted the truth.”

Sighing, you look at him, already done with the conversation. “And what truth is that, Haechan? Please do enlighten me,”

“That I should be captain of the debate club. You can be my deputy, of course, that’s something you’re better suited to. But I would suit the position of captain a lot better than you. The sooner you accept that, the easier things will be.”

Your eyes narrow once more, and you honestly don’t know whether to be angry or just plain shocked that people– no– Donghyuck, can come up with such bullshit on a daily basis.

“And why would I suit the position of deputy more than being a captain, Haechan? Are you saying that because you’re a man, you’re better suited to positions of leadership? Or that I’m just supposed to sit down and accept all the bullshit you spew in an inferior position because that pea-brain of yours can’t wrap itself around the fact that a girl may be better qualified to lead than you?” He opens his mouth to reply, but you cut him off, having had enough. “The amount of stupidity that you allow to leave your mouth astounds me, Lee Haechan, and unfortunately for you, I’m tired of listening to it.” With that, you stomp away from him, unbelievably irritated.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur, and honestly, in between studying for upcoming tests and finishing off projects for various classes, so does the rest of the week, thankfully, with no further interaction with Donghyuck….which is what would’ve happened had it not been for the absolute bombshell dropped on you on Friday.

“The two of you are going to represent us in the state qualifiers for the youth debate prize!” Your principal, a portly man with a receding hairline and a suit that was way too tight on him squeals in joy.

You, in comparison are far from excited. In all honesty, you’d rather fling yourself from the nearest rooftop than work with him after your last full conversation with him, which, still makes your blood boil. However, luckily, your soon to be partner, the one and only Lee Donghyuck, feels the same way you do, judging from his thunderous expression. You watch as he inhales deeply, most likely preparing a long winded speech as to why he just cannot possibly work with you, but to your surprise, you hear a simple, concise,

“Fine.”

In a daze, you nod along, and are rushed out of the principal’s office. He doesn’t say a word to you after that, choosing to run ahead to his car, making his way home. Shaking your head, you also rush home, preparing some ideas on what points to make for the set topic the next time you see him. Hopefully, you think to yourself, the next time would be a lot more bearable.

The next time you see him is completely unbearable. 

He refuses to listen, tries to one-up you at every turn, which is impossible considering you’re in a team, and his non stop snide remarks have you /this close/ to punching him in the balls.

“Donghyuck,” you hiss.

He stops whatever it is he’s doing with his cue cards for all of one, blissful second, and then promptly returns to being overall annoying.

“Donghyuck,” you snarl.

He turns to look at you this time, as though you were stopping him from doing something incredibly important. “Listen,” you start, “we aren’t getting anywhere like this.” at that, he scoffs. “You’re damn right about that.” Anger rises within you, but you push it down just so you can finish this conversation and go home already. “I think we should take a break and try again tomorrow, don’t you?” He’s silent for a few beats, and you think you’ve gotten through to him, that maybe you’ve found something to mutually agree on.

“How about we just do the work separately? I’ll plan the whole thing, and you can debate it on the day.” Of all the things you would’ve expected him to say (something more along the lines of “Thank God, I can’t wait to be as far away from you as possible!” or maybe a “Yes!”), you never thought he’d be the kind of person to say something like that. But, considering his opinion on being captain of the debate club, it begins to make sense.

“How about we actually try and work together? You agreed to us being a pair, so why don’t we at least try and share the work evenly, yeah?” You were surprising yourself with your suggestions, but you didn’t like the idea of leaving him to his own devices. “I know this may be hard for you to believe, Y/N,” he starts, “But newsflash! I don’t trust leaving you alone with something like this.” Breathing a heavy sigh, you try to get through to him, “Do I have to spell this out for you or something? We have accomplished nothing in the 2 hours we’ve been in this empty ass library, because you seem to have made it your daily mission to get under my skin. So could you be 10% less dickish for 5 minutes? Please?”

He looks deep in thought, before speaking, his blasé drawl already setting you on edge. “Hmm, maybe not.”

“Why? Why is listening to me so unbelievably hard for you?” You explode, exasperated.

“Let me spell things out for you, Y/N. Listening to you does absolutely nothing for me. I reap no rewards whatsoever, and I know your brain isn’t,” he pauses to double tap your forehead, “all there, but I thought you would’ve realised throughout this whole enemy thing that I am entirely self-serving. To put it bluntly, I don’t care.” 

Maybe Donghyuck felt a little bit bad when he saw your eyes flash with something that was less anger and more hurt, but for some odd reason whenever it came to speaking with you, his mouth tended to have a mind of its own. Maybe it was rooted in the fact that he wanted his revenge from the last time the two of you said more than 2 words to each other, or maybe he took joy in seeing you angry around him. Actually, scratch that last one. Donghyuck was many things, but a sadist was not one of them.

“Do this whole thing by yourself then. As if I could ever work with an arrogant jerk like you,” you growl, voice ice cold, before leaving the library, trying (and failing) to slam the door behind you.

Walking, and then gradually running, out of school grounds, you cursed as a single tear rolled down your cheek. You’d never let anything he’d said get to you before, so why had it gotten to you now? And over a stupid joint project, of all things. Your heart knew why, obviously- you cared about his opinion of you, even if it was generally mutually pretty shit. Your mind, on the other hand– while still trying to figure out how to stop crying, as well as the root cause of Donghyuck’s extra dose of dickishness– was coming up blank.

For the next couple of weeks, you don’t speak to him. You don’t work on your upcoming debate for the state qualifiers, you don’t look at him in debate club, and you refuse to even acknowledge his existence, both in and out of school.

That is, until homecoming rolls around.

For most of your high school career, you’d been focused on your studies. After all, you were the first generation in your family to become a college student, so why not do even better and get into a good one–no, a great one. Why not try for Harvard? That had been your philosophy since you’d graduated middle school and so you’d thrown yourself into constant studying, extracurriculars, (90% of which you’d dropped during your first month) anything to boost your college application. It was never too early to be prepared, in your eyes. As a side effect of this, you were kind of, hopeless in the friendship department. To put it nicely, you were a loner. To put it bluntly, you had no friends.

You weren’t planning on going to the homecoming dance anyway, but your mom seemed hell-bent on giving you a life that didn’t revolve around studying and bickering with a certain arrogant 18 year old asshole, and so you ended up donning a modest red dress with some heels and saying goodbye to your mom the night of.

“You’re staying over at a friends house after the party, right?”

“Yes, mom. I’ll probably come home, anyway.”

“No! I want you to have some fun, for once! Live a little, huh?”

Looking her in the eyes, you whisper your assent, and turn to go, waving at her until you’re sure she’s gone inside. Once she is, you change your direction to your local movie theatre, ready for a nice night of movies and popcorn. It wasn’t like you hated homecoming, or dances in general, you just didn’t see the point of being a sweaty gym hall surrounded by hormonal teenagers and shitty music from the top 40.

You buy your first round of snacks and settle in to watch some throwaway rom-com with an mildly interesting plot. It’s okay, but you definitely could’ve chosen a better film to waste your time with, as you found your eyes fluttering shut at some parts. You head back out into the lobby and choose a more action packed film to watch, and as you finish paying for your second round of snacks, this time consisting of more chocolates and candy than popcorn, you come face to face with the one person you’d been avoiding so well for the past couple of weeks. The two of you make awkward eye contact, which you instantly break, by the way, upon discovery that he cleans up kind of.….nice.

Really nice, actually. Could it be that Donghyuck was actually kind of…hot?

You erase that thought the second it pops into your head. You absolutely refuse to see this boy, the bane of your existence for the past decade, as anything other than the arrogant ass he is. And yet, he really does look good in the plain white suit that seems to accentuate his lean figure. You’re brought out of your thoughts by him, currently looking a strange mix of shocked and confused.

“Uh…theatre two?”

You blink, before realising.

“Oh. oh! right, I’m gonna…go..now.”

You turn and run into the theatre, but this film seems to be even worse than the last one, the shitty CGI and cardboard acting sending you halfway to sleep in the first 30 minutes. You want to get up and leave, but you don’t want to go home too early and you don’t like the idea of having wasted all that money on a film you couldn’t even finish. So you force yourself to sit through the rest of it, focusing on finishing your snacks and trying to get interested in the film.

You breathe a sigh of relief as the film ends, and you leave the cinema, ready to go home and prepare a few lines about how fun homecoming was for your mom to hear when you bump into him.

Again.

You awkwardly smile at him before beginning to walk in your house’s direction, when he breaks the silence, speaking up. “You know, I never pegged you for the lonely type.” You can hear the smirk in his voice, and seeing it makes you get a special kind of angry.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Donghyuck. Least of all with you.” you reply, already feeling irritation boil in your chest.

You begin to walk away once more, when the heel on your shoe just so happens to break, and you curse to yourself, wondering why this had to happen now of all times as you attempt (horribly) to fix your shoe.

“Uh, do you need- do you need a ride home?”

You freeze.

He’d never sounded so shy, so quiet, so, not him in the 15 years you’d known him. “Why would you wanna give me a ride?” you ask, apprehensive.

“I may not like you all that much, but even i was raised better than to leave a girl to walk home alone, y/n.” Gone was the timid tone from a few seconds ago – the caustic, teasing lilt you’d become accustomed to had returned. And somehow, that comforted you. Made you feel a lot more at ease than the almost nice version of Donghyuck you’d heard a few seconds earlier. You thought about his proposition for a little longer. Could you really trust him, of all people?

Yes. Yes you could.

“…..You’ll take me straight home?”

You swore you saw his eyes light up a little, but you put it to the back of your mind.

“This isn’t home, Hyuck.”

His heart speeds up a little at the nickname you’d used, and he hopes you don’t notice the surprise in his eyes as he turns away from the collection point at the drive-thru to face you.

“Your observational skills continue to amaze me, Y/N. Tell me, how do you do it?” you can feel the sarcasm dripping from his words, but refuse to deign him with a reply. “Besides, milkshakes and fries are a great combination. And you look like you need it.” You curl your lip in disgust as he hands you your meal. “This kind of stuff ruins your organs! It’s a recipe for type 2 diabetes, Hyuck, I’m telling you,” “I’m here for a good time, not a long time, babe!” he laughs as he starts the engine and begins to drive. “Where are we going now?” You ask, groaning in annoyance. “You’d be so much better looking if you didn’t talk so much, you know that? Just relax for once, yeah?” You stiffen at the first part of his sentence, but put it to the back of your mind as you stare out the car window, aloof. The rest of the ride thankfully passes by in silence, allowing you to get lost in your own thoughts. As much as you disliked Donghyuck, you had to appreciate the (albeit unexpected) gesture that he was making for you. the experience at the cinema earlier had kind of cemented the fact that you were kind of a loner, and hyuck had made you feel…not alone. You definitely wouldn’t call him a friend, but he was most definitely less of an enemy. You slide your eyes over to look at him, bored with the view from the window. You’d never noticed it before, but his profile was actually really beautiful. The moles dotted across his cheek and neck, the slope of his nose and his even, warm skin tone that seemed to radiate the sun, and the way his full lips settled into a natural pout…

Donghyuck was not a bad looking guy.

And for all his very many faults, being ugly was very much not one of them. So why had it taken you this long to notice?

“We’re here, dumbass.” You jump, shaken and you inwardly hope he hadn’t caught you staring-

“And stop staring at me. it’s creepy.”

With that, you clearly realised why it had taken that long to notice anything about Donghyuck aside from his annoyingly big stupid mouth that never seemed to shut up.

“I wasn’t staring at you, dumbass.”

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night, sure.”

Following him to the peak of the hill he’d taken you to, you gasp. In front of you both laid the rest of the city in all of its glory. The lights dotted all over, showing a kaleidoscope of colour, the lake in the far distance, the trees within the various neighborhoods and green spaces….it was basic, but it took your breath away. Because you were so separate from it all, it gave you space to breathe, away from the hustle and bustle of your town.

“Woah,” you breathe.

“I know. Woah,” he replies, grinning. You didn’t know it, but taking you up here had been his way of apologising for how he’d treated you the last time you’d met. Hyuck was never the kind of person to apologize outright though, so this was the best you were going to get.

“This is…something else,”

As you got lost in the view below, it became Donghyuck’s turn to stare at you. Unlike you, he could actually get past the fact that you never stopped talking.

The first time he’d noticed you were somewhat beautiful was the beginning of sophomore year. You were both in the same classes for everything, but it was during a creative writing segment in English class that he’d realised you weren’t that bad. You were reading out a poem you’d written, shyly laughing to yourself when you’d made a small mistake and he’d thought you were actually kind of….cute. Of course, Hyuck would rather die than ever say that to your face, seeing as you’d never let him live it down, but it was nice to admire, wasn’t it?

“….Stop staring at me, it’s creepy!” you say, mocking his earlier tone. He should’ve been annoyed at that, but to his own surprise, he found it somewhat endearing.

“Why would I want to stare at someone like you?” He scoffed, looking away.

“If thats what helps you sleep at night, sure, Donghyuck. Sure.” You crooned, patting his head, to which he flinched away from in mock disgust.

“Ew.”

Dipping his now somewhat cold fry into his milkshake, he held it towards you. “Anyway, try this.” You looked back and forth between the fry and him for a few seconds, noticing his impatience, and snatched the fry out of his hand, taking a tentative bite. Chewing slowly, you smiled a little in acknowledgment. It actually wasn’t that bad. Doing the same thing with your own fries and milkshake, you found it was better than not bad. It was addicting, as you made a little noise of pleasure upon your third fry.

Watching you eat was probably the greatest thing Hyuck had ever had the pleasure of seeing, and the warm feeling he got when you smiled was something he was just going to have to address another day. Maybe he liked you, he thought. Maybe. But he’d sooner die than say that out loud, so for now he just enjoyed the food with you.

“I told you it was amazing,” he smirked, raising an eyebrow and you knew he was right, but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“Eh. they were okay, I guess.”

Jaw dropped and eyebrows raised, he gaped at you in confusion.

“Okay!? This is the best combination known to man, I’ll have you know!”

You shrugged. “Maybe to you. The real best combination is and always will be, fries with ice cream of course,”

“You literally said that was a recipe for type 3 diabetes.”

“I said it was a recipe for type 2 diabetes, dimwit. Type 3 doesn’t even exist!”

The two of you continue to bicker like that for a couple of hours, before you both notice the time and rush to head home, stomachs full and a newfound understanding between you. As the both of you arrive outside your house, the air is clearly thick with unsaid words.

You’re the first to break the silence.

“I…I really enjoyed it.”

Taking a deep breath, you continue,

“This whole thing, I mean. So… thanks, I guess.”

Hyuck nods, saying a few words of his own.

“I'm….happy I bumped into you tonight.”

Stuttering, he continues,

“And-and I wouldn’t mind if you’d want- if you’d want to do this again, sometime?” He sounded unsure and shy, and of all things, Donghyuck hated sounding unsure, and he hated sounding anything less than confident, but you understood him all the same.

You whisper, “I think I’d like that too.”

You stare at each other a little while longer, before you break the trance by shaking your head. Clearing your throat, you make your way out of the car and move to go inside, turning around one last time.

The two of you make brief eye contact, to which you both smile, and only when you’ve finally gone inside do you hear the rumble of his car driving off.

Monday arrives, and the other members of your debate club, which consist of two loud sophomores named Jisung and Chenle, another stuck-up senior named Nancy, and a quiet freshman named Herin, are surprised to see that you and Donghyuck aren’t arguing with each other today. The dirty looks and snide comments are gone, instead replaced with a quiet respect for each other. You’re surprised as well, to see that you can actually hold a conversation with the guy without wanting to rip your hair out for the first time in, well, ever.

He stops you after debate club ends, and for once you don’t automatically feel angry.

“Do you wanna…maybe….try again with the whole project thing?” He’s quiet, and you had to strain to hear him a little, but you found his sudden shyness charming, to say the least. You were beginning to see Haechan as less of an arrogant jerk and more of a…tolerable acquaintance. Who was also kinda cute, and kinda nice. At times.

“Do you promise to listen to me this time?” You look at him expectantly.

“Yes, I promise. I’ll even tone down the dickishness!” He grins for good measure, and you’d be lying if you said his smile didn’t make your heart do flips.

You raise an eyebrow.

“I’ll stop the dickishness,” he grumbles, looking up at you through his eyelashes, which, you realised, were actually pretty long, and pretty adorable, and pretty… pretty.

Hold up.

Since when had you begun using the same adjectives to describe something? You were going to have to do something about this sudden onslaught of feelings, but it felt nice to like someone, even if that someone was Lee Donghyuck.

“So shall we start planning at mine tomorrow?” You snap out of your blatant staring (to which Donghyuck notices, but doesn’t bring up to spare you the embarrassment) in time to catch that final question, and you hum in agreement. He smiles at you again, before waving goodbye and heading off.

You make your own way home as well, a skip in your step and a grin on your face. You spend the rest of your day organising files and the like and preparing things to bring for tomorrow, which you are more than excited about, for some reason. School passes by fairly quickly the next day. You have a pop quiz you think you did okay on, you turn in homework you know you did great on, and you try your best to focus in class, but your mind keeps wandering to him. And a small part of you is kicking, screaming, and outright yelling at you to stop liking him, that you aren’t supposed to like him, that he’s just an arrogant jerk– but the larger part of you is just going with the flow and enjoying the moment while it lasts. You don’t want to like him, but you don’t have the energy to fight against your own feelings when, for once, you don’t have anything to despise him for.

The bell rings at the end of your final lesson, and you find him waiting outside for you, something that already makes your heart flutter. He grabs your hand and almost drags you to his car, a light blue convertible, and you try not to stutter at the feeling of his warm hand and how perfectly it fits into yours.

“Of course you’d have a car like this, Hyuck.” He smiles softly at the nickname, before processing the rest of what you just said. “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” He splutters, indignant. “Whatever you want it to mean, I guess,” you sigh, relaxed. Donghyuck’s eyes widen. He wasn’t used to not arguing over anything and everything with you, but the silence between you two becomes a comfortable one for the rest of the ride.

You pull up by his house, and you gasp upon entering. A chandelier hangs in the entry lobby, the walls are decorated with modern art, and a white and gold colour scheme occurs throughout the house. After removing your shoes, Haechan signals you to follow him up the stairs, and you go into his room, which looks as average as any other teenage boy’s room. The colour scheme in here is different to the rest of the house, the walls painted a warm orange. There are a few t-shirts strewn across the floor, a desk in one corner with a laptop and various folders, books and stationery piled onto it. Posters of famous films like pulp fiction, kill bill, and the like decorate the walls, and by his bed you notice a stack of records with music from artists like Michael Jackson and Prince that’s dangerously close to toppling over. The room’s kind of messy, but it’s distinctly Donghyuck, so it doesn’t bother you.

You watch as he flings himself onto his bed, huffing a sigh of tranquility. “Do you wanna get started? I can go downstairs and get us some snacks, if you want,” he says, pulling himself up into a sitting position. “I’d like that,” you smile, and begin to set up your various point cards and cue cards in preparation for your upcoming debate. You’re going over a positive of your proposed argument (which discusses how beneficial a college education is, by the way) when Haechan returns with cookies that smell absolutely heavenly. He offers you one, and you bite into it, moaning in contentment. “These are great,” you giggle. “Who made them?” You ask. “I did, actually.” He mumbles. You pause your happy chewing to look at him. A light dust of pink had settled on his cheeks, and he’d begun fiddling with the edge of one of his cue cards, clearly a little embarrassed. “You- You’re a great baker, Haechan.” You whisper, lightly breaking the silence. He looks up at you, still a little red in the face, then looks off to one side once he notices your sincerity. “Th-thanks,” he mutters. “You know,” he begins, substantially louder and more confident than before, “that may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” a knowing grin settles onto his face as he looks at you, and as you meet his stare, you suddenly take note of how close he’s gotten. “Could it be,” he murmurs, voice having dropped an octave, “that you like me?” Your eyes flit back and forth from his lips to his eyes, and you don’t even have time to reply before his lips are on yours.

You freeze, unsure of what to do.

At your lack of response, he begins to pull away, but you pull him back into you, moving your lips against his. He feels soft, billowy, and like everything you’ve ever wanted. If your heart went any faster than it already was you’d probably get some kind of heart problem, but you’d happily suffer cardiac arrest if it meant always being able to kiss him like this. Your eyes are shut, meaning you can’t see anything, obviously, but somehow there’s still an explosion of colour behind them. You tingle, from your head to your toes and you wonder why the hell it took you two this long to do anything like this. You sigh when his hands pull you closer by your waist, and it’s then when he pulls away. Subconsciously, you follow his lips, your eyes opening at the sound of his laugh.

“Was I that amazing?” He giggles, lips slightly reddened.

“Don’t say it like that, dumbass.”, You grumble, “It makes it sound weird.”

“Just admit it, Y/N. You like me,” he croons in a sing-song voice. Part of you wants to punch him, but you roll your eyes and look him dead in the eye instead.

“Maybe I do. What about it, Donghyuck?”

He feels a shudder down his spine at your use of his first name, but he likes it. All throughout middle and high school, he’d made everybody call him by his middle name, Haechan, because he thought it sounded better. But he found himself thoroughly enjoying the fact that you were the one who said his first name to him. Why he suddenly enjoyed it moreso in this situation than all the other times you’d called him by his first name, he did’nt know. Probably because all the other times you were growling, snarling and hissing it at him, and this time you sounded kind of..normal.

“Nothing. Just say my name again, please?”

“Don’t tell me that’s your kink.” You deadpan.

“Only when you say it, babe,”

“God, I hate you,” You growl, trying to get away from him, but he holds you in place, grinning at you.

“You know, you were a lot more bearable when you were kissing me,” you pout.

“Then make me bearable,” he says, staring directly at your lips.

And you do, leaning into him again, feeling content, happy, and just right.

The two of you begin a thing, after that day. Not quite dating, but not quite single either. For now, you’re both content just hanging out in his car and making out at various intervals and going on study dates that always end with no work done, but you don’t mind it. You aren’t really sure you mind anything, when he’s around.

The day of the debate qualifiers comes and goes without a hitch. As a pair, the both of you do well enough to make it to the finals, but you lose to a pair who seemed a lot more emotionally invested in the argument, and although you lost, you didn’t feel all that disappointed, because you won in a different way. You won an okay looking, nice enough, somewhat-boyfriend-who-wasn’t-a-boyfriend-yet, and you were happy with that. As the two of you leave the competition hall, ready to hop in Donghyuck’s car and go home, you ask him a question.

“When did you realise you liked me?”

He hums in thought, “Hmm….I liked you since sophomore year, but I think I only realised it when I took you on our first date.”

“You mean when you stopped me from going home and forcibly kept me with you as you fed me milkshakes and fries? That date?”

“Yes, that date.” He sighed in exhaustion. He liked you, a lot. Maybe even loved you. But absolutely nobody knew how to get on his nerves the way you did. And that would’ve angered him, if not for the fact that he could do the exact same thing to you.

You arrive at his car, and as you both strap yourselves in, you decide to ask another question.

“I- I am your girlfriend, right?”

Donghyuck slowly turned to look at you, face blank.

“Of course not,” he begins, “I just make out with you and take you on dates and bake you food for all of no reason, Y/N.”

You crossed your arms and looked out the window, just for an excuse to look away from him.

“You’re so mean,”

“But you love me anyway!” He beamed, and maybe, maybe just maybe, you did.

“Just kiss me, idiot,”

“My pleasure, dumbass.”

[punkcryptids]

lis 2 ep 3

okay so i made my huge bullet point list about the episode but i want to summarize my feelings because i honestly feel very fucking pissed (still) over this episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD. (duh)

***************************************

1. DANIEL

so I'll admit, daniel really pissed me off this episode. and honestly, before anyone comes at me "oh he's a kid of course he's gonna act like that". im aware, lmao, i don't like children. (and honestly, that statement is a generalization because there are a ton of kids i love) i love Daniel but his behavior really pissed me off because he wouldnt listen, and was acting so bratty. from a story standpoint, it makes sense, but I definitely got frustrated with Daniel this episode. especially because he wouldn't listen and things ended up getting out of control this episode.

but like? apparently (and i say "apparently" because i personally haven't seen it) people are wishing for him to die? like what the fuck? he's fucking nine?? and like yeah i understand being frustrated but that is no reason for that kind of hate. Jesus. I hated how Daniel acted in this episode, but you bet your ass I still love him and want to fucking protect him.

the other thing i hated in relation to Daniel is how their relationship got so fucked. and it was especially shitty because the choices were

a. finally giving Sean a chance to interact with people closer to his own age since being on the fucking run

b. interacting with Daniel and being a good big brother

and what's frustrating is that you can't do both. because i honestly tried to get Daniel to not be mad at us anymore, and be a better brother, but also give Sean time to have fun. and it's frustrating because there's absolutely no reason to not be able to multitask these choices. and it's just so shitty and im very disappointed in that sksk

2. FINN

ahaha, fuck Finn :)

i loved him. if you see my bullet point list, you'll see that i loved Finn. absolutely adored him. and then he tried to use daniel. and at first, I was forgiving. he apologized. and then he talked to me about it again, which, I again paid no mind to because I figured that'd be the end. and then he did it anyways. after saying how he respected Sean's decision.

and honestly, I had no idea there was a romance option for Finn. and even if I did, I wouldn't do it because I couldn't use daniel like that. but also, I just don't see Sean and Finn together. I love them as friends. but fucking hell, taking Daniel once I've said no? like what the fuck? he used a child to fucking rob M... whatever his name was. Merllin ? I think idk.

but like. the romance option just seems like fucking manipulation. and there is no way you can convince me otherwise. (there is apparently way u can convince me otherwise-- see the end lmao)

also? just because Finn CAN die, doesn't mean it's "bury your gays". life is strange isn't a happy series. many people died in the first season (or at least can die). lgbt people aren't immortal lmao. (coming from someone who is bi)

3. THE ENDING

so the ending I got was that Daniel left me and I had a glass shard in my eye :)

honestly, I don't know how different the ending can be considering most people ive seen shit from got a similar ending. but the ending, especially, made me very fucking angry.

for a game to preach "choices matter" and then completely fucking go against that is annoying as hell. it pisses me off that no matter how much I tried to say no to burglary, no matter how much I tried to obey and act "good", it didn't fucking matter. and that pisses me off. so much.

and then for Daniel to leave? (which ok, i honestly don't remember the past episodes and the "just run" rule, but im pretty sure in the episode you can tell Daniel to run and I did not do that) I honestly wouldn't be so upset with Daniel leaving if it wasn't for how Sean was left (also plus the fact that I want him to be safe).

like my eye got fucking stabbed with a glad shard? tf? haha what? :)

anyways.

if they're hurt in ep 4, I will sue.

edit:

i got an ask about what I said about Finn & manipulation and here's me correcting it & explaining

[xoxolittlebbylola]

To start this out, to this person I’m forever sorry. Truly forever sorry. The way I’ve acted is truly unacceptable and disgusting to say the least. I fucked up I know think I truly fucked up on you ever coming back and I know this. But B I can’t help but be in love with you. I purposely went crazy to see how far I could push you to see if you would come back and you won’t. I am grateful for you as a human even though I don’t show it and im extremely selfish. I feel like deep down you and i both know we’re soulmates despite everything. You need me and I need you. I know I hurt you and for that I’m truly fucking sorry...

I know I’m about to sound psychotic trust me I know because truthfully I feel fucking pyschotic for feeling this way. I don’t understand how someone can trigger me in such a way. I remember matching with you and just having this sense this knowing just from looking at you that I knew you before. Most likely in a past life or something of that nature. But when I looked at you I just knew I fucking knew you were the person I was supposed to be with. And when you finally messaged me back I was so happy, like beyond happy. I would check that thing daily and ignore other men (I’m obviously wine drunk so like none of this makes sense to anyone buy me but hey it’s fine sksks) and when you messaged me I said that’s it this is it. It’s happening. When we started talking you knew from the jump what it was going to be dont lie. You knew I wanted you and just you. But somehow I managed to screw that all up by being fucking crazy. Like I always am when I don’t think things played out in my favor and if I could take it all back I would because quite frankly I’m embarrassed that I even acted the way I’m going to speak about. I remember the day I asked you to hangout finally and you said yes and it actually freaked me out a bit. I had this cute ass little date set up and I bought you some cute shit from the Japanese store because I knew you were sad about not being able to go to Japan because of covid. You asked me to wear something I could easily get off and honestly as a thick bitch I was really scared like terrified that once you saw me you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. So I obviously freaked out on you, went crazy and pushed you away which is regret doing... I then tried to correct it by love bombing you which scared you and that something I never wanted to do. Once I moved into my apartment I said out loud this Russian spell I’ve said since a child every time I’ve moved(sleeping in a new place show me my loves face) and I fell asleep that night and I had a dream about you and that’s when everything started to connect itself. It made sense on why I knew you and why I loved you from the moment I saw you. And before you go have you ever seen him in person, yes I have, I saw you but you didn’t see me because I ran away before you could. I had to make sure it was you because I didn’t want to be wrong but honestly I’m never wrong so. I can’t remember the day it was but I remember seeing you then calling you and we got into a giant fight and you made me promise to leave you alone which I did. A few months later I get drunk and send him something along the lines of I love you why can’t you love me back and I get this phone call of a female screaming at me calling me all of these names threatening to kill me and my child. And at this point I see red and I’m ready to fight.. he then proceeds to text me at 3 am saying call me lol and I’m like oh you think it’s funny so we continue to fight into the next day and he tells me to call him and mind you the last time we had a phone conversation was months prior and he had me crying for 3 hours and cutting my wrist open. I’m not proud of that either because I know my worth I’m just a dumbass. So we get on the phone and we’re yelling at each other and honestly his voice just makes me horny even though he mocks me (he likes me because he does this I’m not dumb) and he proceeded to tell me that someone has being texting and harassing him and I find out it’s my ex’s wife because she’s been doing the same shit to other people. He says I’m lying so I prove my innocences because you ain’t finna to call me a liar. We make up and agree not to talk (honestly I wasn’t cool with that I wanted to actually make up make up and fix things) . So I left him alone from there for a little bit but the universe works in weird ways , the ex’s wife started harassing people again and when I messaged him he went off on me telling me no to speak to him and I go off because I’m trying to figure out if this bitch sent him my sex tape or not.

[rtvside]

 a peek into band management :  𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐎𝐍 .

𝟎𝟎𝟏. 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 :

NAME: caroline diana champion 

AGE: twenty - four 

GENDER: cis woman 

PRONOUNS: she / her / hers 

HOMETOWN: london , england 

OCCUPATION: fortune 500 company heir , band manager for some saints .

TRAITS: + purposeful , erudite , composed - reserved , despondent , reluctant 

HOGWARTS HOUSE: ravenclaw 

MORAL ALIGNMENT: lawful good

HEIGHT: 5′9

ORIENTATION: pansexual

𝟎𝟎𝟐. 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈 𝐁𝐈𝐎 :

caro was born in london into a musical family . her dad was the founder and ceo of famed record label champ records , and her mother was a retired singer akin to the likes of celine dion who now worked as a consultant

being mixed race in the uk was tough for caro , who was never quite enough for either identity . she grew up the youngest of 3 , but always got the sense that she was alone despite being surrounded by people . her family was well known and even better off , so she felt guilty with the sense that she was missing something , but kept her sentiments to herself

she escaped into the realm of books , mowing through her family library voraciously . she skips a year almost as soon as she starts school , an unquenchable thirst to learn and improve making her even more notable than the famous champion surname she totes .

her parents are kind but oblivious to their daughter’s sense of isolation due to their own busy schedules , so caro takes it upon herself to make something of herself . she’s writing almost as early as she can remember , just a few lines here and there , but eventually penning whole songs over bare boned melodies she hums at the family grand piano . though she’d never picture herself sharing these with anyone , her music and her writings give her an outlet to pour herself into

she grows into a stunning young woman who benefits greatly from a double dose of a wealthy upbringing and pretty privilege , though a stern father who forged his own path ensures she stays humble despite the hordes of people bending over backwards to please her . she struggles in her teen years to form true friendships , fearing that the friends she makes are only after her celebrity recognition or trying to get to her father through her . this distrust only forces her further into herself , focusing on her studies and believing people will come second

she dates someone casually as she’s ready to apply to universities , a musician who is the first person she shows her compositions to , truly feeling herself open up until they ask to come to her father’s workplace to meet the man themself . caroline , feeling a repeat of being taken advantage of , cuts them off and erases all thought of her own musical career , feeling she will never be able to properly achieve her dream without the constant reminder that half her life was already handed to her .

instead , she heads to the US for business school and graduates with honors from an ivy league university , deciding to stay in the family business but beginning with quite the project , some saint and their revolving door of management teams . knowing a challenge is the only thing she can properly put her mind to , she takes the boys on and directs her way into their best sales within months of their new direction . it’s difficult work , but with their talent and her brain for strategy , she runs a tight ship on her end and is managing to ensure they get the recognition they deserve and then some ( though their publicist hates them all , manager included )

she’s not sure what will come next , but she does know she wants to keep making a platform to help others succeed while she remains behind the scenes . she starts the champion foundation , a non-profit that teaches young girls different business skills in order to encourage them to pursue their own positions of power . it’s one of her proudest accomplishments and she diverts lots of her free time to events for it

𝟎𝟎𝟑. 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

caroline is forever putting the needs of others before herself . though she’s not a pushover by any means ( and can actually be rather frigid and aloof ) she’s constantly working herself to her brink without taking any time to herself 

very much a know it all and due to being quite large brained , she tends to be right . she moves at lightning speed and hates feeling unproductive . she reads at every meal and has replaced listening to music with usually listening to audiobooks . caro prides herself in being the most well - educated person in the room , as her appearance can lend to her not being taken seriously , and being the know - all , end - all can usually silence skeptics as soon as she opens her mouth

she’s incredibly composed and carries herself almost like a politician . never a hair out of place , never a crease in her outfit , never a smudge in her glasses . caro is obsessed with accomplishing exactly what her high expectations are set to and will stop at very little to ensure she gets there . she will often work herself into sleepless nights and insist a quick power nap and a green eye will be enough to prepare her for the next meeting she has 

people have joked that if she were american she should run for president and she doesnt disagree !

despite a persona of complete control , caro still struggles to let herself enjoy things due to her fear of failure and being seen only for her lineage . she never partied growing up and actually wouldn’t mind doing so , but fears that she never has a moment to let herself enjoy things because good things never last and she’ll only waste her own time

control freak who doesnt like distractions and is SO self - critical of herself , truly has never given herself credit in her LIFE just keeps wanting to work until she drops 

she’s scary but a hot , ‘ im the captain now ’ kind of scary sksks . she has a p high tolerance for people she has to impress but if she’s in charge ? she’ll hand ur ass to u w that lil accent and not a SINGLE hesitation and then turn around and smile so cutely for the cameras 

caro is INTENSE about her passions but feels herself readily closing off the moment things go wrong . she can’t handle attachment and figures it’s best to keep things at a safe distance rather than to risk the dangers of ruining things . 

inspired by the EVER iconic hermione granger ( who is one of her heroes ,) meredith grey , and maybe a bit of spencer hastings ?? prob also michaela from htgawm ! her vibe ( and music and accent ) are based off jorja smith so if u need to picture caro , put on an interview w miss smith , close ur eyes , and it’s caro luv :)

𝟎𝟎𝟒. 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 :

secret exes bc i DEF know she wouldnt be out letting her personal life become public ! this would have been TOUGH to get into caro’s inner circle so maybe this was a friendship first or someone she shouldnt have  been attracted to but she just was bc they balanced her out ? anyways PLEASE i beg that they ended and there’s angst

PUBLIC exes because i feel she would 100% be like ‘this would be mutually beneficial and my team agrees we dont even have to touch in public’ askskks i love a fake dating plot !

inner circle of one or two friends , just the few people she trusts and lowkey opens up to on tour ?

booty call — i would LAUGH if this is someone she is SO not supposed to be in bed with and she covers their mouth every time they meet and is like ‘please don’t fucking speak you’re so annoying’ but the chem is just too fire !

fashion buddies ! caro does a ton of modeling on the side to build her brand and i’d love if she knew ur muse from one of these campaigns and they were friendly !

ex friends , they used to be close until maybe your muse did something that freaked caro out and made her cut ur muse off for barely any reason ?

skinny love , i would LOVEEE if someone opened caro up and made her feel comfortable being herself for once , maybe takes her to parties or has sleepovers with her and they’re just soft and sweet but the slow burn HURTS bc theyre both in love with each other and unwilling to admit it ! extra points if they have drama behind why they cant actually date !

good influence — caro is 100% a fuckin’ mom friend but a SCARY mom so besides the band boys it would be funny to me if she was like ‘not u too’ when she has to pull up at 3 am to come get ur muse from a club bc theyre too faded to see straight and she lectures ur muse the whole way home before tucking them in and snuggling next to them to make sure they sleep ok

someone she hates but they keep donating to her foundation so she has to play nice 

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

Hitmen AU! | Head Canons | 19+ [Haikyuu!!]

KΛЯΛƧЦПӨ [PART i] [PART ii] [PART iii]

Here’s the second part to the head canons for Karasuno~~~ Once the main head canons and ideas for all of Karasuno are out I’ll start dropping more random little one-shots hehe

Again! Feel free to ask questions or request anything from this AU! (Once again, specify so that I know~!)

» » Admin Ko

»»————-　♔　————-««  

N̷i̷s̷h̷i̷n̷o̷y̷a̷ ̷Y̷u̷

Where to even begin with this boi 

He’s definitely one of the more chaotic members of the group that’s for sure

Always testing out new skills and tricks he’s learned from those around him 

and god forbid the internet 

There have been one too many times where one of his veteran members or even the rookies walk in on him doing something rather peculiar which has him more or less flustered and embarrassed

Out of all of the members, he’s one of the most rambunctious 

Always happily chatting away on any topic without a care in the world

Usually ends up in mock spars with Tanaka with Ennoshita reluctantly being the scorekeeper and 3rd man in just in case one of the two happens to go a little too far with getting a win

He seems to be the most normal at first, but when he began talking about various torture methods and the effectiveness of each with horrifying accuracy and knowledge says otherwise

He’s the inventor of the group, always testing his new discoveries in torture and information gathering 

is the “bad” cop when the victim they’ve captured hasn’t broken from Tsukkishima’s relentless psychological torture

“ALRIGHT~! IT’S FINALLY MY TURN~!” 

Giddy and impatient, the shortest member of Karasuno surged forward with surprising silence as his sepia eyes practically glowed with unhinged insanity.

The victim began sweating profusely as the taller of the pair merely sighed at his senior before backing off. The blond refused to get caught up in another one of his senior’s hi jinks.

“Oh? Focusing on something other than me? You’re quite brave! I like that! That means we’re gonna have a nice long conversation!” 

A wicked grin spread along the energetic male’s face as the victim finally noticed the oddly shaped object in his hand.

“Oh this? I wanted to try out this new peeler...” 

The shiver that ran down the victim’s spine was one long overdue as the sudden pressure he felt from the man before him came barreling down in waves. His previous giddy attitude now replaced by utter silence as his umber eyes bore deeply into his soul.

Appearance wise, Noya has by far, the most tattoos out of the other members. Each one gained after successfully learning a new skill

he may be the shortest in their group, but he is one of the strongest 

normally, his hair would be in it’s signature slicked up state, but with how often he’s training and testing new skills it’s usually stuck in a half gel half bed head state

With his s/o he’s overly energetic and practically smitten

it’s a running joke that before he met his s/o he and Tanaka would be at Kiyoko’s heels trying to woo her

of course that all came to an abrupt end when he met his s/o

Despite being a busy bee, Noya tries his best to make time for them whenever he’s not assigned on info gathering assignments

He usually likes to koala cling to them when they’re in the vicinity

and has tried on many occasions to convince them to just live with them at their establishment

R̴y̴u̴n̴o̴s̴u̴k̴e̴ ̴T̴a̴n̴a̴k̴a̴

Another one of the chaotic members of the group 

loves to be called senpai by the rookies (Noya loves being called senpai too sksk)

one of the main chasers of the group

is also the designated driver when on larger group missions because of his, well, chaotic driving

In a sense, he’s kind of the delivery boy? Lol 

He once tried to be a part of the interrogation team but it was concluded that Noya and Tanaka together ended with the victims dead sooner than anticipated

Is the chaser, a.k.a. any assignments that think they can run away with Tanaka on their tail has another thing coming

Despite being loud and chaotic, is sometimes forgotten as he is the last resort for when targets manage to escape

“Oh ho ho~! Finally something to do besides watching Hinata get his ass handed to him!” An small ‘Hey!’ coming from the background as the male stood at the entrance of their base. Motorcycle helmet in hand as a sinister and wicked grin graced his features.

“Any sorta restrictions boss?” A glance over his shoulder at the figure leaning against the staircase pillar. The figure in question merely gave him a blank stare as Tanaka couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“No traces. Gotcha. Since I don’t have any restrictions....I’ll be filing my report late~.” 

With that, the excited male made his way out and onto his bike. A quick rev of the engine and a wave to the rookies the Chaser set out to catch his prey.

Like Noya, Tanaka is a ripped boi and covered in not only battle scars but tattoos of his accomplishments against hard enemies

He has a shaved head, with some tattoos on his scalp 

Hinata thought it was the coolest shit ever and wanted one too but Sugawara stopped him from shaving his own head

Likes the delinquent school look so tries to stick as close to it as he can

With his s/o he’s surprisingly gentle

treats them like royalty and grovels at their feet 

He spends most of the day with them unless the rookies really fuck up sksksk

loves having his hand in their back pocket or hooked around one of their belt loops

C̷h̷i̷k̷a̷r̷a̷ ̷E̷n̷n̷o̷s̷h̷i̷t̷a̷

plz help this boi 

is the unspoken boss for the second batch of recruitments

has to deal with Tanaka’s and Noya’s bullshit constantly

He’s part of the defense team in not only the technical side, but physical side if need be

is a whizz with the cyber end when customers purchase their services

is the one who runs the assignments by Daichi first before assigning and handing them out to the members

the rookies rely on him heavily and the recruitment gang during his time dote and love to try and help or... annoy the hell out of him (read, Tanaka and Noya)

“So this is the assignment for the week. If we’re successful it’ll be $50,000.” Stern, yet soft spoken the male handed the younger a manila envelope.

“You’ve trained hard for this. So we expect little to no fuck ups----” He began before a loud and the beginnings of a headache began to form as the younger male began to slowly back away. Promising to fulfill the assignment with no issues before scurrying off as shouts began in the common room.

“DAMN NOYA YOU REALLY IMPROVED THAT FROM LAST TIME!” 

“DON’T UNDERESTIMATE MY SHEER WILLPOWER RYU!! HAHAHA!”

“TANAKA! NISHINOYA! WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY ABOUT TESTING IN THE FUCKING COMMON ROOMS?!” 

Is lean like Sugawara

and like the rest of the members of Karasuno, he has at least one tattoo on his body

soft fluffy bed hair 25/8 because baby deals with all the bullshit that is rookies and tananoya antics

has dark circles, not super intense but can be seen close up

is fairly normal with his s/o

though he doesn’t get to see them as often

anytime he gets with his s/o is coddle time

he pulls out all the romantic shit in one sitting or it’ll be all the sexy shit in one sitting it’s never really one or the other

loves to lay his head on s/o’s lap

H̴i̴s̴a̴s̴h̴i̴ ̴K̴i̴n̴o̴s̴h̴i̴t̴a̴

one of the few quiet members of their squad

was actually very reluctant on joining the team initially, but persevered through and stuck with them

is one of the other inventors 

is more of the practical one and keeps noya from doing anything too out of hand

doesn’t mean he doesn’t start shit on his own though sksksk

likes to spar with Ennoshita (since he won’t have to worry about a surprise rolling thunder a.k.a rolling and shooting a powerful taser from yours truly)

“Kinoshita-san!” Pausing his work, the male in questioned glanced to the lab entryway as he cocked his head to the side at the sight of the rambunctious deviant duo before him.

“...Yes?” He asked hesitantly, already feeling a gnawing feeling in his gut that whatever was about to be asked was going to end up with him in the following situations

Wreaking havoc and being scolded by Ennoshita

Wreaking havoc and being scolded by Daichi

Wreaking havoc and being scolded by both Ennoshita and Daichi 

None of which sounded appealing to him as he mentally prepared himself to reject whatever demands the pair wanted. Though of course that didn’t come to pass as the scream of, “ROLLINGU....THUND....AAAAARRRR!!!!!!” echoed throughout the base as a thud resounded and the base. At this point, it was to no one’s surprise that Ennoshita was already on his way to give Nishinoya an earful as the two demons blinked slowly before backing away.

“N-Never mind!” 

Ah yes, the power of being able to deter chaotic activities. Kinoshita wished he had that ability as he resumed his work.

Despite being the second shortest, no one really messes with Kinoshita

His build is in between Ennoshita and Nishinoya 

again, like the rest he has a couple of tattoos

usually has a pair of goggles sitting atop his head as he doesn’t really leave the laboratory 

he wants to redeem himself for attempting to leave initially

with his s/o he can seem emotionally distant

but that’s mainly because he’s either sleep-deprived or distracted

Loves to just lay in bed with s/o whenever he has a free day

 K̴a̴z̴u̴h̴i̴t̴o̴ ̴N̴a̴r̴i̴t̴a̴

The friendliest member 

The rookies felt comfortable to talk to him upon first meeting him and is a reliable rock when need be

does a lot of work in the behind the scenes such as shadowing targets and helping with any sort of basic chores at the base

he’s a scouter for new areas of establishment or even a quick interrogation area in a pinch 

sometimes gets mistaken for Tanaka but doesn’t really mind

has the friendly carefree vibe that turns hella terrifying when it needs to be

“Narita, can you find us a place to interrogate these shit stains?” Looking up from his place by the car, the male in question nodded as he took a brief once over the entire area. Considering the situation and the amount of victims they had, it would be wise for a wide spaced area with a place to easily dispose of the bodies along with coming up with a reasonable excuse in case someone came along to ask questions.

“...hm...” Softly humming, he walked over to the desolate area, skimming it briefly before taking note of the cloaked figure. Raising a brow, he moved towards the figure to find that it was the last of the target’s help. Lightly laughing he couldn’t help but smile.

“Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare ya there but...you’re really not good at hide and seek are you?”

The friendly smile on his face twisting to that of horror as the male beckoned his teammates over after giving the all clear.

Like Tanaka, Narita has a shaved head but chooses not to have any tattoos on his scalp

instead, his tattoos range from his arms and back to his torso

he’s lean, similarly built to Tanaka if not only slightly smaller

is immensely loving to his s/o 

if he can he would try to be with them as much as he can to ensure his own humanity hasn’t gone away

[yeonjuins]

I read ‘favorite anonnie <3’ and blanked out from happiness ♡︎ AKSKSKSKDK but thank you a lot for that!! It has been a lot smoother ^^ I might not have the most ideal finish but at least I made it to the end 😊 and yes yes thank you thank you, that goes for you too 😤♡︎

Aw I’m sorry ): but yeah it’s like you said, you will get better with time ♡︎ but if you need/want to, do tell someone about what’s making you anxious so it won’t eat away at you or anything ♡︎♡︎

Yes yes exactly!! Like literally I would make it a mission to top what I did before and I think that’s why I’m so like disappointed in myself?? Because I’ve always gotten good grades until recently and it’s like a bit of shock but then I had to talk to myself and tell myself that like it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world (even if it feels like it to me AKAK) because my whole life has been me doing well academically and I don’t know what to do outside of that,, so I guess it’s like an identity crisis?? But I’m learning not equate all of my worth to the grades I get because it’s much more to myself than that <3

But yes we are ♡︎♡︎ we are going to get through this 🫶🏾

Oohh how did it go? Do you have a plan for the new 3D render you’re going to do? Yeah those are a pain, hopefully she doesn’t though. But I’m glad you’re enjoying a much deserved break and spending time with your folks ♡︎ but I get you sometimes you do need time to yourself even if it’s doing nothing AJAJSKS

I am giving a big hug right now ♡︎ we certainly will figure this out,, we just have to ease up on ourselves a little more :)

Ohhh I never though of it like that SKSKS love letters that’s cute ♡︎ penpals yay ♡︎ And no worries!! It takes me an hour or two or sometimes the next day to respond so my response is well thought out as well ♡︎♡︎

(lengthy response!)

HELLO MY LOVE ! i am not so anxious anymore over what was originally bothering me thankfully (": i feel like i've just been inside my head a lot as of late? and not necessarily in a bad way either, i think i've just been reflecting a lot lately (if 'reflecting' is the word we're going to go for...)

i feel like i'm in a constant state of 'needing to get my shit together' (<- i kid you not, the amount of times i've wrote this in my planner is actually baffling). truthfully speaking, after i answered your other ask i was like hm ! what does a good 'rest' day look for me? or a day that leaves me fully content? so i wrote it all down and visualized it, wrote out what i imagine myself doing, wrote down how i think i felt- frankly speaking, it's all achievable in the end. i think the only thing that's getting in the way is that everything i wrote down is a collective of things i feel as though that would make me content (is this making sense? i'm hoping it is).

if i'm able to visualize it in such detail, i'm confident i have felt such emotions and have achieved such things before. but of course, since we are human beings that are greedy, celebrating small achievements and happiness in mundane things doesn't feel enough. tying it all back to 'needing to get my shit together', i feel i've just fallen into the habit of telling myself that and not realizing the amount of shit i do have together. it doesn't feel... enough? in a sense. as a result, i've grown anxious over things i shouldn't be anxious about, overthought on things i shouldn't be overthinking, and doubted myself heavily on things i was once confident in.

(full disclosure: i try to sound as coherent as possible whenever i'm typing out my thoughts trust me i'm like . breaking at the seams if you squinted closely (": also literally my responses to your asks are literally phrased SOOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN HOW I PHRASE THEM IN MY OWN JOURNAL??????? my god... i am SOOO extremely sorry for dumping so much onto you though it all just flowed out of me the moment i began typing ): if u skimmed over it, that's completely fine mwuah)

anyways, likewise to what i said previously, we'll get through it. i think as time passes, i'm hoping this will become less of my concern and that i'll be able to grow from it and whatnot...

also ! i did well on my last project (": god... the teacher pissed me off so much so i decided to exceed her expectations ! show her that she should not fucking ! underestimate me !! so i ended up doing well and i am happie hehe... as for the other project i'll be working on, i'm planning on scoping out what i'm going to do more tomorrow since i'll be thrown back into school from my very long (but enjoyable!) break ;;