#i feel so stupid for packing anne into storage | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pbandjesse · 6 months ago

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We are just now leaving Paul and Sam's wedding part two! I did not expect dinner to go so late. I am glad I dressed up nice and was able to feel very pretty.

The rest of today could have been a little better. It just didn't go as planned. Things I thought would be readily available just were both and I felt pretty frustrated with the whole situation. But it wasn't a terrible day.

I slept alright. I woke up naturally at 8. But let myself sleep until 930. I had fallen asleep with damp hair but it had been in a braid so it wasn't to crazy but there was just something about it that made me laugh because it was sticking up funny. But it was quickly delt with and I got cleaned up and dressed and felt alright.

Mostly I was starving. I would skip breakfast food completely and just have a frozen pizza. It is the quickest thing I can make. 2 minutes. And while I was waiting for that I would move Ruby the Roomba upstairs to vacuum. And open the back door for Sweetp to enjoy the sunshine.

It was a beautiful day but outside the safety and shade of the house it was very very hot in the sun. I would find myself very miserable in it later. But while I was home I was fine.

I hung out on the couch and worked on cutting all of the yarn for May's temperature blanket square. I had not done any for this month. Which is so bad. I haven't finished sewing down last months either but I knew I would be able to catch up. I hope to do some of it at the market and it's easier if I precut the yarn and then dont have to bring all of it with me. Saves time.

It would take a while to do 24 days of rows though. 48 pieces plus the two begining rows. It's a lot to measure. So I was on the couch for a while. And once it was made I balled it all up and felt pretty accomplished.

I decided it was time to go out then though. I would packed myself up and headed out into the hot hot world with a plan. I would go to the restore. Then Home Depot. I wanted to get another storage shelf and then two raised wooden planter boxes. This was the goal.

I would have to go back in the house first though because James needed a number from a flyer we got yesterday. We are trying to get estimates from contractors for a few things. New doors and a fence mainly. But hoping it will give us connections for the larger projects in the future. But once I relayed that I was on the road.

My plan did not workout as well as I had hoped. Restore was fine but didn't have anything I was looking for. Home Depot was more promising but no wooden garden beds. Only plastic. So I was feeling a little annoyed but I thought I would go to Glen Burnie to the Lowe's and then I could also hit up the value village and then go to second chance. This seemed super promising.

But no luck.

The people at Lowe's acted like they had no idea what I was asking for. I even showed it to them on their website. Only one woman knew what I meant but her directions for where they were was not correct. And they also only had plastic. They said I might have to order them online for pick up. I was not totally defeated yet though. Walmart was coming up when I was googling and one was just down the street.

So I went there. Even though I had no gift cards for there (the whole reason I was going to the other stores was because I have gift cards!!) but even then no luck. And I have not even shopped in a Walmart in a decade so I felt a bit uncomfortable. And sad I still wasn't finding what I was looking for.

I tried to make myself feel better getting a pretzel from Auntie Anne's but then their credit card reader wasn't working and it was a whole thing but she did reset it and I was able to get my pretzel so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But I was a little frazzled. The heat did not help.

I sat in the car in the parking lot and had my pretzel and tried to not be completely upset. I was frustrated. I felt stupid. I really thought this was going to be an easy project and I could feel accomplished at the end. But no. And that wasn't a nice feeling.

I decided to go to value village still. And I did have some luck there. A new jumpsuit. A shirt sleeve black cardigan (which was already on my list), the green striped button down I'm wearing in my one picture. I got two pairs of shoes for working events. I would wear one of them tonight and I love them very much. I don't normally go for a square toe but apparently I should because I really liked it on myself.

I also got a cool camera bag I think would be useful for travel. And a yellow cat plushie that made me think it's the love child of two of my other plushies (Daniel and Paul), couldn't pass him up.

I would still try second chance. But nothing there was what I was hoping for. I walked all over the store but I just wasn't feeling anything. So I went home.

I was super happy to be home. It was so hot out in the world. I would change and try on my new things and put things away. And then I was just chilling. I had the backdoor open. I was knitting. I was having a good time. Even if I felt a little sad that I wasn't successful, I was still doing okay.

James would call and offered to get me shake shack, which was the only thing I wanted to eat. And I appreciated them so much for doing that.

They would come home a little later then normal because of that. And we would sit together but I was feeling a little overwhelmed and overstimulated. So they gave me some space. But soon it was time to get ready to go over to fells point for Paul and Sam's American wedding day dinner.

James would iron their shirt while I went and got dressed and did my makeup. I had trimmed my bangs last night and I was afraid I made them to short but I actually felt really cute. And pretty soon we were heading out.

We left super early to get parking. And that ended up perfect because it did take a few loops. But once we were parked we were able to find the wedding party near the water. And it was so nice to see everyone.

We would walk to a bar first to wait for Paul and Sam to finish their pictures. I loved seeing Stephanie and Gabe. And we were also joined by Paul's friends Kieth and his wife Amber. And they were lots of fun. We talked about our jobs and I got to talk about my arts background for a while. Amber is pregnant and it was fun hearing about her cravings and how she only had shortness of breath as her first pregnancy symptoms! No throwing up at all! Very interesting.

Paul and Sam would find us soon though and we headed to the very fancy dinner. Rec Pier Chop House. This place is like. Very very fancy. I did not expect the inside to have a whole green space with trees. And I was not prepared for a 5 course dinner.

I couldn't eat all of it, for vegetarian reasons, but they were really accommodating and made a special vegan pasta for me and Amber who had some allergies and couldn't have the crab pasta. My favorite thing was the sheep's milk ricotta toast with hot honey. And the vanilla gelato at the end. But literally everything was beautiful.

The conversion was loud and funny and the energy was great. Paul and Sam looked great. Sam's dress was so cute. So simple and elegant. Honestly everyone looked lovely tonight and it was fun getting to be in this fancy space and eat fancy food. I had a really nice evening.

I didn't realize it was going to go on and on and on though. Not in a negative way at all. I was having a great time. I truly enjoyed everyone's company. But by 1030, after the second dessert and James getting two entire to-go boxes of tiramisu, it was time to go home.

Hugs all around. Congrats and see you at wedding part three. And me and James were off into the night.

We stopped to take some pictures. A nice couple offered to take them for us but I told them it's funnier if I'm running from the timer, but thank you for offering!! We were in a silly mood. People were everywhere. Fells is always so busy. A girl told me she loved my dress. It was such a nice way to end the night.

We got back here in short order and I have been sitting in the floor writing this. I want to go get a quick shower and get to sleep. Because tomorrow is the farmers market! My first of the year. I missed the opening market last week but I am still hoping for a very good day.

So wish me luck everyone. I love you all. Good night!

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optimisticsprinkles · 6 years ago

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[CLEAN VERSION] Soul Searching, Ch.35

Sexual situations redacted.

If you’ve read the story until now, you’ll note that sexuality in the past has been referenced but not explicit. That’s the level I’m going for in the clean version, as well.

I’m including a brief non-explicit description when context is necessary.

Original version on AO3 here.

Notes:

Chapter title is all kinds of puns.

This chapter isn't perfect, but it's good enough. @reyloandotherfandoms helped me weed out some of the most embarrassing mistakes, and for that she has my thanks. :)

If you haven't been stalking my Tumblr, I'll catch you up: this one was slow because of holidays, birthdays, various plagues including vomiting and infections, bitterly cold snow days that cancelled school b/c your face could freeze off (no joke, frostbite on exposed skin after a few minutes) which kept my kids home, the first anniversary trip we've taken in about a decade, and I got hooked on Anne Bishop and read all of her Others books in a row. Also, I'm slow at writing sex scenes. They're harder than straight-up plot, no pun intended. So that is why this chapter took months.

Okay, that's more than enough from me.

Chapter 35: Finally

For the first time in her life, Rey knew why kids in movies jumped straight out of bed on Christmas morning. The excitement humming through her blood got her up fast and too early for any sane human being. Ben just grunted and rolled over to go back to sleep when she dislodged the arm he’d draped over her (though that might have had more to do with jetlag).

Rey changed into her workout clothes and went out back to practice with her bo staff, her blood singing with the activity. Her mind and body were in harmony, and she moved in a seamless flow.

She caught herself smiling and realized she was happy . Not just excited for the day ahead but truly happy to be in a place with herself that let her relax a little, where she could enjoy having Ben home without all their baggage ruining it.

It was amazing how even the smallest bit of weight falling off her shoulders made her feel like a new person.

When she felt the ache start in her muscles, she set her staff down and began to stretch, only then spotting Ben watching her from the back door. She gave a little wave, and he opened the door, expression inscrutable as he made his way over to her.

Rey straightened and grinned up at him, too happy to hide it. “Hi.”

He didn’t respond, instead bending to press his lips to hers. He deepened it almost immediately, and Rey could tell that she’d managed to work him up again, like with the punching bag. This seemed more intense, though. More impulsive, as if he couldn’t stop himself. Ben rarely showed her this side of himself, when he let his instincts override his self-control, and she decided to commit it to memory. Every pant and lick, the way his hands roamed over her, the way he tried to press closer without taking his mouth from hers.

When he finally stopped, he continued to press their foreheads together, his hands on her hips, refusing to stop touching her entirely. They were both short of breath, but Ben had little tremors running through him.

“Tonight?” he asked softly. “You still want to?”

Rey’s brows rose, and she blinked at him. “Yes,” she said. “Of course.”

He nodded, eyes closing as he took a breath. “Okay. I’ll make reservations.”

Rey lifted on her tiptoes to kiss him again, bubbly with the heady mix of happiness and desire. “I love you.”

He swooped to catch her mouth and went slowly this time, a seduction.

Rey let herself be seduced, knowing this was only an appetizer for what would be the main course that evening.

When he released her again, Rey felt dazed. His eyes searched hers, his chest rose and fell, and his mouth trembled.

She looked up at him. “Can we go to the hotel right now?”

A small smile cracked onto his face. “Most places don’t allow check-in until the afternoon.”

Rey refused to let up. “Can we go as soon as they do?”

The smile spread into a grin. “If you want.”

She pulled his face down and kissed him again. She wasn’t an expert at it, maybe too enthusiastic, but he didn’t seem to mind, even groaning into her mouth.

“I'll make the reservations now,” he murmured when she released him.

Rey grinned, and he stopped and stared with a smile of his own. “What?” she asked.

“I love your smile.”

She shoved him lightly. “Go find us a place to have sex, already.”

Ben laughed, and Rey grinned as she watched him go.

She showered — Ben might not mind kissing her when she's sweaty and gross, but Rey preferred to be clean — and went to her closet wrapped in a towel to try and decide what to wear. As she stood there, a text came through.

3PM check in. You’ll want an overnight bag.

Rey smiled, then pulled up Lusica’s contact info and texted, Luce. Which of my outfits makes me look older?

Lusica must not have been right beside her phone just then, because it took maybe twenty minutes before Rey got a reply and she’d already packed a small bag with her toothbrush, hairbrush, and pajamas. Though she hoped she wouldn’t need the latter.

Another date?

Rey picked her phone up off the bed where she’d left it and dithered on how to answer that. She settled for misdirection. We’ll be seen in public, and I don’t want anyone to think I’m a kid.

Including a Mr. Tall Dark and Hottie? I got you. ;) A few seconds of ellipses, and a followup came through. Want me to come over and do your makeup? I’m an artiste. You wouldn’t be the first friend I’ve had to add a few years onto.

Rey considered, but she thought Lusica here in her bedroom would be able to pry a lot more details out of her than Lusica texting.

I think I can manage. Thanks, though.

Anytime, babe. A minute later, more texts came through. The black wrap dress, and curl your hair. Dark lipstick. Black eyeliner. The sexy black heels you hate, but practice walking in them first. If that doesn’t work, your black ankle boots.

Rey nodded, deciding to try the outfit on and send a picture to Lusica for review.

Hot , Lusica replied. Add a necklace. That long gold one.

Rey obliged and sent another picture.

Perfect.

Rey smiled and took everything off, laying it out to change into later but keeping the heels on with her shorts and t-shirt to practice walking in them. She was teetering around her bedroom when another text came through from Luce.

Don’t forget to shave.

Rey looked down at her legs. She’d shaved the day before, but it wouldn’t hurt to go over her legs again. Especially since Ben would probably be touching them. A lot.

She shivered and smiled to herself.

A light knock on her door had her calling, “Come in!”

Ben opened it and paused in the doorway to level a frown at her feet. “What are you doing?”

Rey took a shaky step, eyes on the carpet. “Trying not to fall over.”

“Why?” He glanced toward the clothes on her bed, taking them in.

“Lusica suggested I wear them tonight.” She paused and frowned. “Today?” Still not quite right. “This afternoon.”

He raised a brow, frown deepening into something distressed. “You told her?”

Rey blinked and met his eye, blushing when she realized the problem. “No. She… she thinks it’s a date.”

He nodded, body relaxing. “Ah.” He continued to watch her. “Are you sure you’re not going to break an ankle in those?”

“Nope.”

“Maybe you should wear something else?” he suggested, making it a question.

“I will if I can't figure these stupid things out.”

He pressed his lips into an unhappy line. “You're going to hurt yourself.”

Rey snorted. “I'm a big girl, I think I can handle a pair of heels without breaking anything.”

He shifted into the room, closing the door softly behind him, and the air became charged as he put his hands on her hips and leaned down to kiss her neck. “I just don't want you in pain while I'm taking you.”

Rey closed her eyes against the feel of his mouth on her skin, and she gripped his hair.

“That's cute,” she murmured, maneuvering him until his legs were against the edge of the bed. “That you think you're the one who'll be doing the taking.”

As she spoke, she pushed his chest so that he fell back.

Ben blinked at her in surprise, then started laughing. He tugged her down with him, his unrestrained laughter making her laugh as well, and soon they couldn’t quite catch their breath. Every time they looked at each other, it would start all over again.

When they calmed down, Ben released her so she could roll off of him and curl against his side.

“I thought you said you weren’t into domination,” he murmured, still smiling.

She lifted onto her elbow to grin down at him. “Not wanting to dominate you doesn’t mean I don’t want to be on top.”

His smile grew as he rolled on top of her, pressing her into the bed with his weight. He nipped lightly at her ear. “We’ll have to trade off.”

She could hear Ben’s parents moving around upstairs.

Ben dropped a kiss on her lips, calling a halt without a word. She knew he was worried about doing anything with his parents awake. Getting caught would be mortifying.

When Rey put her feet on the floor, she snorted.

She was still wearing those ridiculous shoes.

Ben helped her take them off and massaged her soles, kneeling on the floor in front of her with her foot on his thigh. Rey let out a groan, and his eyes flicked warningly up at her.

She clamped her teeth together and didn’t let another noise slip out.

“I don’t think I want to wait around here all morning,” he murmured. He met her eye, still rubbing her foot. “Do you want to run an errand with me? Kill some time before the hotel?”

She pulled her foot away and leaned forward to kiss him. “Yes. Please.”

Ben needed to visit the storage unit where his parents had moved all his things from his apartment. He needed more clothes. Most of the ones in his bag were too heavy for American summers.

Rey drove, slipping sneakers on with her shorts and t-shirt. He liked her in these clothes better than those ridiculous heels she’d practiced walking in. Having to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn’t turn her ankle wasn’t Ben’s idea of a sexy or relaxing evening.

He liked it best when Rey felt comfortable in her clothes, like now. She moved without self-awareness, easy and relaxed as she turned into the storage facility, and Ben entered the code his mother had given him for the lot’s gate.

There were cameras posted around the lot and a car parked in front of the open management office. A pair of kids played close to the building, looking up as Ben and Rey drove past.

He gave her the unit number, and she pulled into the empty row. Maybe two other cars were in the lot, unit doors rolled up as people dug around inside.

Ben removed the padlock and pulled the metal door up so Rey could step inside.

He huffed an aggravated sigh as he saw the way it’d been packed. His couch sat right in front so he’d have to climb over it to get to anything in the back. “Ten bucks says my dad organized this,” he muttered.

Rey clambered over first, Ben following with a grumble.

“At least things are labeled,” Rey murmured, leaning over to check some boxes.

“Mm,” he agreed, distracted by the extra skin her bending exposed.

Rey arched her back and tossed a look over her shoulder that made his breath catch in his throat.

[Minor clothed smut.]

She turned her head to the side, eyes half-closed, and he brushed his mouth across her cheek, grazing her cheekbone. “We should close the…” She gestured vaguely toward the open entrance, her voice breathy. “Thing.”

“Yeah.” He ran a hand over his face and made his way to the front, climbing over the couch with a little more difficulty this time, and pulled the door closed.

The interior of the unit went dark, dim hints of sunshine leaking around the edges of the door, giving enough light to make out shapes and minimal color. Ben turned and blinked at the sudden brightness of Rey’s flashlight app as she used her phone to light her way to the couch. Ben helped her over the back and submitted as she pulled him into a furious kiss.

Rey discarded her phone onto some boxes. The flashlight app was still on so that it cast diffuse light across them, letting him make out the rosiness of her lips as she broke the kiss.

[On the couch now.]

“I want you,” she murmured against his lips, her hands pulling at his shirt. “Please, Ben. Please. I need you.”

His brain was working at half-capacity, but he managed to ask, “What about—?”

“We can wait for the hotel if you want,” she said, her mouth trailing hot over his face, brushing across the places she’d bruised him and pressing kisses to the rest. “It’s up to you.”

He wanted her.

Here, surrounded by his things, on his couch, with the dusty smell of books and cardboard mingling in the summer air; here with no lock on the door and strangers driving by, he wanted her.

It wasn’t his mother’s house. It wasn’t a bed hundreds of other people had had sex in.

It was the remnants of his apartment.

[First time is on a couch.]

“Holy shit,” he said when it was over.

“Yeah,” she replied with a soft laugh, her fingers trailing through his hair, a sated smile playing at the edges of her mouth.

He didn’t have the energy to move.

“That was really good.”

He laughed. He felt weightless. “Yeah.”

Rey pulled him down until his lips met hers, and Ben let himself get lost in her kiss.

His. She was his.

Ben laughed and pulled her up, hugging her because she was his and he was hers and they were finally together.

Rey smiled at him, her expression open and soft. “I like your smile.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said, curling against his chest. “You don’t smile enough.” She traced the dips and planes of his face with gentle fingers, then brushed across his shoulders and the scratches she’d left him with, a tiny frown line between her brows. Her eyes dipped lower, and she ran a palm over his ribs. “You need to eat more.”

“I will,” he assured her. Now that he had her in his arms, he felt balanced again. He hadn’t had much of an appetite overseas, but now…

More than one kind of appetite had returned in full.

She bit her lip and rested her cheek on his scratched-up shoulder. “Are you sorry this happened here instead of at the hotel?” Her voice was low and sweet, and someone who didn’t know her well wouldn’t have heard the nervousness beneath.

“I’m not even a bit sorry,” he replied. “This was perfect.”

She rested her cheek against his chest, and he could feel her smile against his skin, the hot summer air enveloping them. “Yes, it was.”

“I love you.”

She lifted her face to his. The kiss was long and sweet.

[Second time! :D Still on the couch.]

He felt something tickle his shoulder and swiped at it. Rey’s eyes followed his hand, and then her eyes widened and she started pushing at him, scrambling up with a sharp shriek.

“Spider!” She hopped from foot to foot, all her tan freckled skin on display, and shuddered. “Ugh, spider. Ew ew ew!”

Ben got up slower, eyeing the couch. It had been sitting in storage a full year without any sort of protection. It was likely that plenty of bugs lived in it now.

Well, then. Gross.

He decided not to mention that possibility to Rey, instead picking up their clothes and shaking her shorts and panties out before handing them over.

She shuddered again as she shimmied into her shorts, stuffing the panties in her pocket, and stood on her tiptoes as if afraid of the bare concrete floor.

Ben sat to put his pants on — if nothing had bitten him yet, he thought he would be safe enough for another minute.

“Did you get what you needed?” Leia called when they walked in.

Rey turned wide eyes to Ben, who had paused while taking off his shoes. Leia couldn’t see them in the foyer, which was good because Ben looked at Rey and mouthed shit. They’d forgotten to get any of his old clothes.

He cleared his throat. “Not really,” he called back, settling a warm hand on Rey’s lower back.

They walked together into the living room, where Leia sat with a soda while she played a game on her phone. The TV was on, but the volume was low and she wasn’t looking at it. “So you still need summer clothes?”

Ben’s hand on her back tensed. “No.”

Rey glanced at Ben and then at Leia, who was grinning. Rey tried very hard not to think about the panties stuffed in her pocket or the things she’d just done to the woman’s son.

Ben took a step back, pointing an accusing finger at his mother. “I am not going clothes shopping with you.”

Leia hopped up, slipping her phone into the pocket of her slacks. She clapped her hands together, eyes sparkling. “Let me grab my purse. We can get you a haircut, too.”

“Mom!”

Rey muffled a laugh into her hand and caught his glare.

“You can come too, Rey,” Leia added as she walked past them to get her shoes. “Han’s going to be at the shop until dinner, and Ben might be more manageable with you along.”

“I’ll pass,” Rey said, knuckles against her smile. “We have plans to hang out this afternoon, and I need to answer some texts. Lusica keeps bugging me to know if we’ve killed each other yet.” A white lie. Killing each other was close enough to fucking each other. And Lusica would be delighted with either, really.

“Okay,” Leia said with a smile as she appeared from the foyer with her shoes on and her purse over her shoulder. “Ben? Now.”

He groaned and obeyed, grabbing his shoes and heading toward the garage. Rey swallowed a giggle when he waved goodbye, his face pulled into lines of misery.

Leia kissed beside Rey’s cheek. “See you in a bit, sweetie.”

“Have fun!” Rey called after them.

Ben’s groan did make her laugh, this time.

It was past two when Ben arrived at the restaurant where he'd agreed to meet Rey. His mother had wanted to join, and he still felt on edge with guilt and irritation after having to explain that he didn't want his mother along on his date.

It was bad enough that he’d have to text her later that they wouldn’t be home tonight.

Of course, his mom had heard the word “date” and had looked over the t-shirt and jeans he'd worn to the store. “And you're meeting where?”

When he’d told her, she’d pressed her lips into a thin line.

Which was why he wore a blazer, slacks, and a frown when he spotted Rey at a table toward the back.

He took a step toward her before his brain caught up with his eyes and all the grumbling apologies he'd prepared died on his lips.

She wore the black dress he'd seen earlier, but he hadn't realized at the time how much skin it showed.

His legs continued without his conscious input, the humming full-body tug forcing him closer. He didn’t know if it was the bond or something simpler that drew him across the room. Love mixed with lust, perhaps.

She looked…

He found himself standing over her, and she blinked up from her phone, face splitting into a grin when she saw him. Her smile faded when he continued to stare, and a blush bloomed on her cheeks, eyes darkening the longer she held his.

She licked her lips nervously. “Hi,” she breathed.

He blinked twice and swallowed, eyes darting to her breasts and then back to her face. He swallowed again. “Wow.”

She ducked her head and tucked a lock of hair behind one ear.

He noticed she wore makeup, but she really, really didn't need it. Still, he felt pleased to know she'd made the effort for him.

She'd worn that dress for him.

He tried not to think about what was under the dress, since he could picture all of it now. The freckled expanse of skin; the tan lines, faint but obvious when he knew where to look; the shape and weight of her curves.

He sat blindly, so attuned to her that he couldn’t remember what he ordered and barely tasted any of it.

His focus sharpened when her breathing picked up and her flush deepened.

By the time they reached her car, he was ready to pull her into the backseat. He restrained himself by remembering where they were going.

She was almost shaking when he grabbed their bags from the trunk and led her into the lobby. She kept her eyes down as he checked them in.

He wrapped an arm around her waist on the walk to their room, steadying her on those stupid heels she'd chosen to wear, and unlocked their door with a hand that wasn't entirely steady.

Rey began to tug his jacket off immediately as the door closed behind them, and he dropped the bags to let her, but he turned her kiss around, forcing her to slow down so he could savor her.

He didn't want to rush this the way they had in the storage unit. He got to take his time now, and he intended to take full advantage of the long stretch in front of them.

Their tongues tangled inexpertly, intimately, and Rey understood what he meant by virgin sacrifice. This was different from the happy, heady lust in the storage unit, and she wondered again if she’d spoiled things by pushing him instead of waiting.

Ben touched her face, and she focused on his searching eyes. “Hey,” he murmured. Concern tugged the corners of his mouth down. “Everything okay?”

Rey spoke into the warm inches between them. “The storage unit wasn’t what you wanted. When we talked about this, you wanted it to be nice.”

His frown deepened, but he didn’t argue with her. Rey didn’t know if she was relieved by that or not. Instead, his eyes searched between hers, and he finally brushed some hair carefully from her face and said, “It was different from what I said I wanted. But it was good. Relaxed. I felt comfortable, and I think that’s… that’s the big thing.”

Rey’s lips turned up at the corners, relieved.

[Third time! Then sleep.]

Ben jerked awake with a snort, disoriented for a moment as he looked around the unfamiliar room.

Slim, familiar fingers combed through his hair, and he turned his face to nuzzle into Rey’s palm.

“How long have I been out?”

“A few hours.”

He winced. He had not intended to sleep that long. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his jaw cracking in a yawn.

She tugged at him, and he scooted closer. At some point, she’d found a t-shirt to put on, and her phone was in her lap, the screen obscured. “Don’t apologize for being jetlagged.”

“It’s just kind of lame after missing you for so long. Thinking about you, about this.” He turned his head away and yawned into his fist, shaking off what grogginess he could.

Rey burrowed her fingers deeper into his hair, and he fought the urge to melt into her touch. “Maybe this is exactly what you need. What we both do.”

He raised a brow at her. “A nap?”

She elbowed him lightly and grinned at his snort. “Time alone. No one to interrupt us, no one to hide from.” She stroked her thumb across his scalp. “Tonight can be about more than exchanging fluids.”

Ben tried to hold the laughter in, but his chest shook with the effort.

Rey rolled her eyes, and Ben pushed himself up beside her, dislodging her fingers from his hair. She leaned into him, and he wrapped an arm around her.

“I just mean that it's nice, being with you like this. No one staring or gauging our moods to see if we’re about to murder each other. Just us.”

“Just us,” he agreed, pulling her tighter into his embrace, the idea sighing through him and uncoiling muscles he hadn’t realized had still been tensed.

“What have you been up to?” he asked, looking at the phone in her lap.

Rey blushed and clutched it to her chest, piquing his curiosity. “It’s a surprise.”

“Really,” he replied, even more interested now. He lifted up as if he could peek, and she held it tighter with a scowl.

“Don’t even think about it, Mr. Phone Snatcher.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “When have I ever snatched your phone?”

“That first time we went to Wicket’s.”

Ben blinked. “Oh. Right.” Then he frowned. “Good thing I did, though. You’d have worried yourself half to death.”

Rey glowered. “There is no excuse to snoop in a girl’s phone.”

“You were being dumb,” he argued, tugging her closer.

She scoffed, but he could see the corners of her lips trying to turn up even as she pushed at him. “See if you get any more sex tonight.”

Ben laughed and released her, and she bopped him on the head with a pillow. He rolled away and held his hands in front of his face in surrender. “Okay, okay, you win. I’m the worst. Just don’t hurt me.” He was teasing, and from the grin on her face she knew it.

[Playful stuff that results in a tickle attack.]

It seemed that, if he wiggled his fingers behind her knee, it completely incapacitated her.

She managed to heave enough of a breath to gasp, “You… suck!” And after a particularly shrill cackle, tears running down her cheeks, she managed to beg him to stop.

Ben obligingly released her.

[...]

“We should elope.”

They'd showered after the last round, and Rey was watching Ben detangle his hair in the bathroom. He was shirtless, the scratches she’d left on his shoulders standing out pink against his pale skin, telling a macabre story when combined with the healing bruises on his face.

His eyes met hers in the mirror, and he set the comb down with a frown, turning to face her. At length, he asked, “Why?”

Rey huffed and shook her head, embarrassed because she'd expected him to jump at the idea. “Forget it.” She walked out of the bathroom before she could do something even more embarrassing, like cry.

“Hold up,” Ben said, following her. He stood by the bed and watched her walk to her bag to put on underwear and a camisole. He hesitated and remained where he was. “I just don't understand where that came from.”

“It's nothing,” she insisted, wishing she could take it back.

He began to run a hand through his hair, then seemed to remember it was wet and dropped his hand to his side. “Proposing is not nothing, Rey.”

“Please just drop it.”

But of course he wouldn't, and, really, Rey had no one to blame but herself for bringing it up in the first place.

He stared at the wall and its bland, neutral wallpaper, arms crossed. The frown that hadn’t gone away since she’d proposed creased the skin between his brows, but his voice was soft. Uncertain. “My parents would be hurt if we did that. At least, my mom would.” He looked back at her, his eyes deep with concern.

He was trying to figure it out, and she wished he wouldn't.

He examined her closely, but there was no reproach, no anger in his eyes. Just confusion. “I would have thought you'd want them there.”

Rey said nothing, couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat and didn’t have the words anyway. She looked for something to do with her hands and found some clothes they’d left on the floor. She folded them and put them away.

Ben sat on the bed and continued to watch her. “And your friends, too. I can't imagine you not wanting Finn there.”

She sighed and straightened, eyes on her bag. “But what if he doesn't want to be there?”

When she finally glanced at him, Ben was giving her a skeptical look. “That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.”

Rey rolled her eyes. Such a Ben answer. But, oddly, the fact that he found the idea ludicrous did make her feel better.

A little better, at least.

Rey let out a breath. “What if he thinks I forgave you too quickly? What if he gets mad about it or thinks we're moving too fast?”

The furrow between his brows deepened. “And eloping is supposed to help with that how, exactly?”

Ugh. “That's not the point.”

“You're afraid that your friends won't accept this. Or will judge you for it.” He paused, waited for her to say something. When she didn’t, he asked, “Am I wrong?”

There were the tears. Reliable little bastards.

Ben held his arms out, and Rey went to him, curling into his embrace as he stroked her back.

“I still have no idea how you got from that to elopement,” he eventually muttered.

Rey hit him in the bicep, and he pretended like it hurt, making her laugh.

He used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “You should call Finn. Talk to him about this.”

More tears welled up and over. It took her a moment to find the words. “I’m scared.”

Ben kissed her, a reassurance. He didn’t say anything, didn’t have to. She knew he was right. Finn would make this pit in her stomach go away.

She nodded, and he kissed her again, then got off the bed and rummaged in his bag for clothes. “I’ll go pick something up for dinner. Give you some privacy.”

Rey sniffled and watched him get dressed. A small flare of alarm filled her at facing this alone, but she couldn’t deny that she might be more nervous with Ben listening in.

He kissed her again before he left, the door falling shut behind him, and Rey held her phone between both hands, staring at Finn’s contact information.

She pressed the call button and listened to it ring.

Ring…

“Hey.” He sounded happy.

“Finn?” Her voice came out watery and weak, and she winced at herself.

A pause. “What’s wrong?”

“I just… I…” She choked on a sob. “I’m completely crazy in love with him, and I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Umm…” She could picture the gears in her best friend's brain stalling and then groaning into action as he tried to figure out how to react. The silence made her hold her breath, and when he finally spoke it was brisk and sure. “Okay, first, I don’t hate you. Why would you even think that?”

“Everyone was so angry with him.”

“Of course we were. He hurt you, and you were sad, and we didn’t know how to help. But, Rey…” He made a frustrated sound. “Are you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s all I need to know.”

“But we’re together, and it’s only been a few days…”

He sighed. “Rey, you’re soulmates. There is nobody who did not see this coming. Maybe it happened a little faster than we thought it would, but… we’ve been around Thomas and Kaydel and Rose and Paige enough to get it. This isn’t an ordinary situation.”

Rey blinked. “Oh.” She shifted into a more comfortable position. Tentatively asked, “What if not everybody sees it that way? What if…” She trailed off, unable to finish the thought.

Finn was quiet, but she knew he was thinking. “I could tell everybody you’ve made up, if you want. So they have time to get used to the idea.”

“I—”

“I’ll be your advocate, Rey,” he said gently. “I can fight this one for you.”

She sniffled, the tears coming back. “Finn…”

“I don’t really see it being a fight, though,” he added with a laugh. “Like I said, we all expected this. I doubt anyone’s going to be anything but happy for you.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, and Rey heard the hesitation in his silence. She sat up straighter. “Finn?”

“Maybe Poe,” he admitted reluctantly. “He was pretty happy after you punched Ben at graduation. The rest of us…” He trailed off.

“The rest of you?” she prompted.

“We were worried about you. I mean, it was pretty disturbing. Those of us who knew Ben last year… we liked him. When he was around. And we love you . And it just… it seemed like something that would hurt you as much as it hurt him.”

Another pause, and Rey covered her mouth so Finn couldn’t hear her crying. His words brought back all the guilt she thought she’d put aside, swirling it around her like mud in a clear pond.

“I don’t think Poe saw it the same way,” he said slowly, “but the rest of us… we were worried. You know?”

She nodded, her jaw tight with the effort to hold back tears. “Yeah.”

“But I’m glad you guys worked it out.” His voice was cheerier, like he was trying to pull the conversation back onto safer ground. “And I’ll talk to Poe, if you want. Let him know not to be a dick if he still wants to be your friend.”

She sniffled but grasped the change in tone gratefully. “Ben doesn’t like him.”

Finn laughed. “He doesn’t like Ben.”

The worry in her chest finally relaxed, making her feel lighter. “You’re sure you’re okay with this? With how fast it happened and everything?”

“Are you happy?” he asked again.

She smiled. “Yes.”

“Then I am fine with it. And I’ll browbeat anyone who isn’t.”

She laughed.

“I have your back. Always.”

More tears, but happy ones this time. “I love you, Finn.”

A soft laugh. “Love you, too.”

She toyed with the sheets, still smiling. “I should let you go.”

“Okay. Say hi to the soulmate for me.”

Her smile widened. “Sure.”

“And Rey?”

“Mhm?”

“If I thought he was bad for you, I’d tell you. Because you’re my best friend. But I don’t think that. Okay?”

She nodded, her throat tight with the urge to cry again. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Okay. We’ll all hang out soon, yeah?”

“Yeah. That sounds good.”

“Cool. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Definitely.”

She hung up on a mix of feelings and spent the time until Ben returned trying to sort them out.

“What did I tell you?” he said when she told him about the conversation.

She pushed at him with her foot, and he grunted, handing her a hamburger from the place she and Han liked where they cut the fries in-house and dumped extra into the bag.

She knew without asking that he’d gotten it to cheer her up.

They watched TV as they ate, and when they were finished eating, Ben laid his head in Rey’s lap. She ran her fingers through his soft hair, and eventually his breathing evened out. She continued to watch the movie they’d found and glanced down at him now and then, smiling to herself.

When the movie ended, she placed a kiss on his face, bursting with too much happiness to keep it to herself. His lashes fluttered open, and the sleepy smile he gave her was worth waking him.

“I fell asleep again,” he said after a long, hard stretch.

“I don’t mind.”

His eyes flickered to the phone in her hands. “Texting?”

She flushed lightly and shook her head, handing him the phone. “It’s what I was working on earlier,” she murmured as he sat up to get his reading glasses from the nightstand.

Nervous, she watched his curious expression as he curled one leg up under the other and began to read.

That frown line returned as his attention sharpened on the words, and after a few seconds, he covered his mouth with one hand.

When he lifted his head, his eyes were wet. “I…” He shook his head, stopped, and reached for her. One hand slid along her waist, and Rey crawled into his embrace. He only needed to incline his head to kiss her. “I love you, too.”

Rey nodded and pressed her face into his shoulder, embarrassed. “I just… I realized you’ve told me all these things you love about me, and I never told you anything back.” She lifted her head and smiled wryly, trying to lighten the moment. “Seemed unfair.”

She picked up her phone, text still showing on the screen.

Things I Love About Ben

How reliable you are.

You’re sweet with your mother.

The way you pretend to hate watching stupid movies with me but you actually love it.

How gentle you are when no one is looking.

Your honesty (even when it gets you in trouble).

How embarrassed you get by compliments.

How you’ve been fighting your demons for years, long before you met me, and how much courage that takes.

Your sense of humor.

Your inner strength.

You’re a good man.

Rey bit her lip and raised her eyes to his. That last one had been the hardest to write. Ben had strong principles, and it had cost both of them. The hurt in her heart hadn’t evaporated just because she understood him or because she admired the part of him that had prompted the whole mess, but he needed to hear it and she ought to say it because it was true and because she loved him.

She could bend her pride a little. For him.

Without breaking eye contact, Ben took her phone and set it aside. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, and Rey leaned into the contact, drunk on something that wasn’t entirely passion. He drew back just far enough to breathe, “I love you,” against her lips, and they didn’t communicate with words after that, only soft sighs and the slide of skin.

Rey woke to sunlight filtering weakly past the blackout curtains and warm breath on her shoulder. Lips pressed lightly to the skin there, and when she looked at him he brought his mouth to hers and lingered there, tasting her.

Rey ran her fingers through his hair and over the shells of his ears.

Ben rested a hand on her thigh and ran it up to hook his fingers in her panties and tug at them.

Rey stopped him, and he looked up at her.

“I need to, um.” She gestured toward the bathroom.

He released her panties. “Yeah, of course.”

When Rey returned, he had his arms behind his head and was looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. When he glanced her way, a small smile curved his lips.

He rolled onto his side, facing her. “You really are beautiful.”

Rey blushed. She’d never gotten a lot of compliments and didn’t quite know how to accept them.

Of course, right then is when her stomach decided to rumble, protesting its emptiness.

Ben raised a brow. “Hungry?”

Rey smiled sheepishly. “I think it wants waffles.”

Ben rolled onto his back and rested the back of one wrist across his eyes. “Cockblocked by waffles.”

Rey ran and pounced on the bed, straddling Ben’s waist so she could grin down at him. He moved both hands to her hips. “Can we go down and see if they have any?”

The look in his eyes said he would prefer to stay right there with her on top of him.

“Please?”

[Rey teasing Ben.]

“Rey,” he growled when she pulled away and hopped off the bed. “So help me God…”

He looked like he was about to break, and Rey felt powerful, desirable. She wanted to see how far she could push him, and waffles suddenly didn’t seem as important. “What?” she asked, smirking at him and placing a hand on one hip. “So help you God, what?”

He started to smile, and the intent in his eyes made her skin tingle and tighten with anticipation. Then, he said, “I’m going to tickle you.”

Rey’s eyes widened. She only had time to squeak out a single “What?” before he pounced.

Rey shrieked and tried to wiggle away, but Ben was relentless. He swung her around and pinned her to the bed, his fingers finding the back of her knee and wrenching laughter from her until they were both grinning and panting, Ben still pressing her down with his weight.

“You… do not play fair,” she told him, still short of breath.

He lowered his head to kiss her. “You didn’t give me much choice.”

She chuckled. “That was the point.”

“Hmm,” he murmured, kissing her again. “Well, keep this in mind for next time you want to tease me.” He playfully narrowed his eyes at her. “I always win.”

“Winners deserve a reward.”

His brows rose. “I thought you wanted waffles.”

“Waffles can wait.”

He laughed. “I’m glad I rank above waffles.”

Rey rolled her eyes, then kissed him.

Yeah. This definitely ranked above waffles.

Ben made sure Rey got her waffles before they had to check out and watched her eat them with what he knew had to be the kind of sappy smile he used to roll his eyes at.

Okay, he’d probably still roll his eyes at it. Lovesick assholes were pathetic, even if he was one.

They returned to the room after waffles and started picking up, packing away clothes and toothbrushes. It was at this time that Ben noticed the dress from last night in Rey’s bag and wondered. “How often do you wear that?”

He could hear the jealousy in his own voice but couldn’t do much about it.

Rey’s smirk told him she’d noticed. “I usually wear a camisole under it,” she assured him. She lifted onto her toes, and he bent to let her kiss him. “Don’t worry. You’re the only one who’s seen me out of it.”

He slid his arms around her and stole another kiss, relieved even though he’d already known that. “Good.”

They packed their things in Rey’s car, and Ben realized that returning home would probably not be comfortable, especially if his dad was there. When he suggested this to Rey, she grimaced and laughed. “He’ll probably tease us about grandkids.”

Ben sighed and went to check them out.

Halfway home, Rey softly murmured, “I want you to come with me.”

“Hm?” He’d been thinking about something else. Specifically, how her legs looked in those shorts.

“To college. I want you to come with me. You said I had a choice, and that’s my decision.”

A slow grin bloomed on his face. “Okay.”

Rey’s eyes were on the road, but her smile was radiant. “Okay.”

Notes:

Next chapter is the epilogue. <3 With an actual time jump. Whoa, right?

(Clean Version: Lemme know if I missed anything explicit.)

#Soul Searching clean version

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