#i feel so bad ffor the person bc i know how it feels and what will happened to them after hundreds of ppl called them toxic and manipulativ

[eldritch-araneae]

Fuck, ppl really must realise that not everyone around them is toxic and manipulative! No, the person not speaking to you after you set a boundary isnt toxic or manipulative, they just feel horrible about themself bc they overstepped, and they don't want to hurt you, and spiraling deep into their self-loathing. Stop assuming the worst and fucking communicate, instead calling them names they are not and remind them they're all alone and no one will help or support them.

Yep, saw a post where ppl dogpile a person with rsd, this shit is triggering as hell so I'm livid. That's just cruel!

[gardenbiriety]

bad feeligns below lol

so like tw for self harm, sui ideation, gender dysporia, anxiety/depression? generally Not Good Feels, parents being yikes, transphobia, ableism, grottiness

so like i feel so shit and every time i get to an okay kind of place the tiniest thing happens and it’s like i’ all the way back at the start? why can’t i just be neurotypical already?

so i ‘m gonna be legally changing my name soon and my parents don’t want me too and while i don’t think they are going to actively stop me i’m worried that they are goign to be make it more shitty to live at home but i can’t go anywhere else? like i am in the midst of yr 12 and having to learn how a new household works and their schedule would fuck me up so bad? plus i wouldn’t want ot burden anyone like that

like i’m really fucking scared? but i’m more scared of what i’ll do to myself if i don’t change my name? like i think about hurting myself every single day and the urge to do it is so fucking strong like? what’s stopping me? nothing? i could fuckign slice my hips open and nobody would ever know it’s winter

i’m just very very scared and very tired and even tho i know my friends love me and support me but like? my family doesn’t. like they ‘’’support me’’’ by only verbally critizing me and not actively standing in my way when i do things (generally) and i’m jsut so fucking tired of it? like i want out but i don’t wanna financailly cripple myself and it’s not like i’m ever going to amount to anything anyway? i mean? for fucks sake? who is going to hire a sad shy ~~~ special snowflake ~~ child? like? i am never going to be employed? nothing i do will be judged based ont he actual action it will always be about me being genderqueer like??? everything will come back to that and i don’t want to? live like that? i’m so fucking mad but also exhausted so mostly i’m sad and i’ve had enough? is it too much to ask to be accepted and love by my family? am i really that? diffficult to love? like? that’s literally all i want is for them to actually love me and support me and it’s not even that hard right? i don’t understand why they are like this ?

i am also goign to fucking fail school, i’m nto doing maths but i still won’t get the score i need to get into the courses i want that don’t have math ass a pre req, but with maths i would get like a 40 study score so? i’m fuCked there isn’t even any point anymore i’ve had enough honestly

like i am such a lost cause i can’t even handle sitting in a room? and making myself actually do homework? in that room in school time set aside specifically for that? like how fucking lazy do you have to be? why can’t i just? fucking? do it? i am actually smart but because i am fucking incapable of putting in any sort of effort i’m gonna fucking fail year 12 lmao what even is the point?

i’m just so tired i never want to do anythign again i just want to be gone for fucks sake? if i wasn’t such a wuss i would be already lol

i keep trying to be lik e’ don’t be mean to urself it’s just ur MI making you like this, don’t walk on a broken leg, ecct.” but like? that’s just me trying to shift rresponsibilty for my own actions off myself why can’t i jut grow up and hold myself accountable lmao?

okAy and also like? my parents say i don’t talk to them but when i do they always get mad at me? like i was telling my dad about how i’m dropping maths but i might be allowed to be able to sit in the class room (my friendss are in the class and i’m good friends with the teacher too) and even tho i’m not actually a part of the class i could study/do homework there instead of in the study center (which fucks me up and i have panic attacks in there like every otehr day lol kms) which would be so fucking good like? i would be so productive and yet? my dad was like ? y don’t u jsut stay in maths then?” and gave me the biggest greasie and i legit had to leave bc i HAtE fighting with my dad bc he scares the shit out of me lol? like my ma i know she loves me even if she is a dickhead sometimes and that she will listen if i write things down and don’t be too confrontational but my dad? i’m terrified he will hit me and like? u know that voice ppl use when they speak to a dog that’s being bad? he uses the same voice to talk to me and my brothers when we do something he disapproves of and i fucking hate it so much like?  i hate it i hate it i hate it and i hate how he will hurt my brothers and i can’t do anything bc if i say anything i’l  make it worse and one of them has adhd and my parents are both super harsh on him all the time and like? nothing they do actually helps him ti’s just easy for them to be mad and have him be scared into doing what they want rahter than actually being responsible and growing and being a good person and i’m so mad bc my brother is literally an angel and he thinks he’s st*pid bc my dad called him (idk hwo to censor it but like? basically he insults his interlligence all the fucking time ) and they yell at him when he doesn’t answer right away and it makes me so fucking mad like he tries his best and they have no understanding what so everr like they don’t even? i’m really fucking mad i love my brother so much and they are shit as too him and i really dont want him to end up like me bc if he does if he ever says anything my dad would probably actually beat him up and i’m terrified for him? is that silly? idk since i think abt sui like all the time i’m just scared he might also get like me but bc he’s not ‘’’’a girl’’’’ (i’m not but that s why feelings are ok bc females are weak appaz lmoa) and they will jsut tell him to get over it and i’m so?

i’m so fucking scared and i dont want to feel like this anymore but it won’t stop and i dont’ know what i’m supposed to do i literally cannot continue like this but i can’t cchange anythign bc i’m so powerless and weak and i fucking? why can’t i jsut be okay ffor more than a few hours at a time is that to much to ask? i jsut want to be fucking happy and i’m never going to be able to achieve that? i’m never going to get into the uni i want, i’m nto gonna be able to go to the places i want, i’m not going to be able to live how i want i’m not going to be able to do anyting? my life is just gonna be under the thumb of my parents until i fucking die and i’m too weak to change anything and i hate myself lmao

i cannot even look in the mirror it’s so fucking? painful? like i just want to be recognised as myself is that oo much to fucking ask? for people to use the right name and the right pronousna dn to not invite me to fucking girls nights ever again.

i feel like a clown with makeup on and i feel like a boy with pants on and i hate both i hate it i hate it i hate my long hair and i dont want to get it bleached againa nd i don’t want to keep it but i’m too sccared to fucking cut it off bc my ma will hate it and i hate the way half of my shirts cling and show off my boobs and i hate my boobs but at the same time they are really nice boobs? i’m proud? i hate the way my cheeks are pudgy and my jaw isn’t sharp and my forehead is too big and my chin is covered in pimples and so it my back and my shoulders and my feet are bony and weird and have big veiws and my hips are too big and my arms are disgusting and my ribs stick out funny and my fingers are always msising skin and i have scabs on my scalp from where i’ve scratched it oo much and i hate how sometimes i can’t wash my hair bc there are too many cuts on my fingers and it’s too painful and i just wish i could fucking? not be like this i wish i could work out without being embarssed, i would i could put my msuic on in the car without beeing embarssed, i wish i could fucking exist in any sort of space outside my bedroom without beign embarassed i wish i could push through that embarassment and o things i want to do i wish i could fucking do something? literally anything? just? do ? something? i wish i wasn’t such a piece of shit

[bigbrotherorre]

EPISODE EIGHT: “THIS WEEK SUCKS I HATE TWISTS” - BRYCE RACE AGAINST TIME WEEK! EVICTED: BLAKE - 7 TO 4

RANDY AND KAT ARE BACK BITCHES https://media.giphy.com/media/Y9S9jOb7b1LQA/giphy.gif AND I lived to see a 3-part comp that I can actually do well in?? Oh it's over for these hoes and my dog days are behind me https://media.giphy.com/media/MeHQtCSZ46bRe/giphy.gif

I AM SO SAD ME AND BLAKE ARE GOING TO BE NOMMED BC WE SUCK AT CHALLENGES ARE ARENT RATS!! SO SAD IM CRYING BLAKE IS SUCH A KING AND IF WE HAVE TO BE FINAL NOMS TOGETHER IM GONNA KMS!!! SOOOO SAD IM CRYING AHHHHHHHHHHHH EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG WENT WRONG AND ITS UP TO MY DUMB BRAIN TO DO THE LOGIC PUZZLE BUT I CAN NOT SO UHHHH RIP US WILLL I STAY OVER HIM WHOMST KNOWS!!!

if i had a heart this week would break it

Hola did you miss me? So I didnt record or make a goodbye DR because I knew there was justice within this universe. I knew my eviction was unjust and thats why I''m back because I have a vendetta to settle and I'm not going to leave until I'm successful. Yes ladies you heard it here, its time to cut the throat of bitches who thought double crossing me was okay. And newsflash: it isn't a good idea to fuck me over. I hated the amount of bullshit I had to endure when I came back into this house. Everybody said "omg I miss u" but the only people who were genuine about it were Jose, Autumn, Ali, and Dennis the rest these bitches were just being diplomatic. And that just shows true character. So since I'm back im going to go through the current cast list as of right now. Ali: A british legend he has been genuine the whole time throughout this game and I'm going to work with him especially since not only is he easy to convince but he is amazing to talk to. Alivia: I can't trust her and I'm not going to. However I will play a little stupid and just make it look like I want to work with her. She is just such a strong personality that if she rubs me the wrong way I'll fucking lose my shit nonetheless. She is no different then any other floater just trying to ease her braindead gameplay by voting in the majority in every round. She has lacked a backbone throughout this whole game, and its not going to grow anytime soon Ashvika: Inactive and not interesting. In HOS she was overrated, and playing with her in this game just proves that she should've stayed out of this community. The worst floater within this cast, and I'm hoping she gets killed in the early jury. Autumn: Literally a queen within this game. She is so forgiving, and lovable. She understands me so well and I'm not going to turn my back on her. She kept me which wouldve fucked her over if I didnt come back. So now that I'm back im hoping our agendas will align and we can fuck over those people first. Blake: He evicted me, so i'm not going to trust him, and I'm not going to be his little bitch anymore. But I'm going to make it look like I need him more than ever. Because once im through with Zeezo and Bryce I'm going to have to go after Alivia/Lynn or Sammy/John. He is nominated this week against Bryce so i need him to actually be a good gameplayer and make sure he stays this week. Bryce: I cant trust him. Ever since Nicholas Julia I just have to think its either Bryce or Zeezo. So I'm hoping that with this week I can have an easy time evicting him and then its guns out on taking out Zeezo. Dennis: One of the reeasons I was nominated week 6 was because he was petty. But that shows that his emotion = his gameplay.  So since I'm back I can make a good connection with him. If I can keep up with him and if I know how he feels I'll know how he will play. I have no need to betray him, and I'm hoping in creating a trustworthy ally within him. He's active but I dont think he has cemented himself within any group in this game yet. John: I tried to make a f2 with him to secure his vote. Sister voted me out anyways so I'm not going to trust him ever again. Everytime I talk to him about game he just asks all these questions and shit. I see right through his bullshit because I know a snake when I see one. I put too much trust into him, and he backstabbed me. I'm not going to fuel our relationship, but I will be nice for the time being. I need him to evict Bryce this week so I'm just going to be a good guy with him, and then later into the game kill him for the little bitch he is. Jose: I dont talk to him as much as I want to but I still trust him a lot. He is a good ally, but I just hope he shows more of his potential as a player soon. I want to work with him so im going to continue to be honest and transparent with him. Lynn: I guess she's only social with a handful of people like...... gtfo sister is dry as hell still. She evicted me, and like thats cool. I'm not going to work with her and she is totally at the bottom of my totem pole. Randy: A king... who never goes Prejury Sammy: Out of all the people who talked to me when I came back I knew he was the most nervous when it came to talking to me. He loves appeasement, and makes people know that everything he does isnt with the intention of hurting. Its believable kissass, but for right now I'll buy it. Keep on selling it Sammy. Me and him had an interesting conversation because he thinks im going to target him alongside bryce and zeezo. And I told that I'm tunnel visioned onto Bryce and Zeezo and that now is a grace period ffor him to be on my good side. He's going to be a threat nonetheless near the end, but I need to be good with him since I don't see him leaving anytime soon. Zeezo: I think she's the person who framed me, and if she isnt then i guess I just wasted my time. I would love to take her out, and i would love to get my revenge. I will never trust her, and I will make sure she knows I won't stop until she is evicted. Eviction is tomorrow. I'm pushing for Bryce to leave. The votes Blake has to keep him are me, autumn, alivia, sammy, and probably john. I'm going to talk to Dennis, Ali, and Jose tomorrow and hint to them that I'm evicting Bryce and if they want to work with me that would be the best opportunity to do so. After that I will have to win HoH. I need this HoH because if I don't win it. Its probably going to be Zeezo who wins it. And if neither of us wins it then it  gives Zeezo a window of time to change the dynamics of the game to her favor. And whoever wins hoh will fucking waste it on a floater. And the floaters in this game are my lifeline,..... I'm a the Florax..... i speak for the floaters. Thats all you missed right now...... I hope to win hoh and if I dont then prejury here i come again xx  

i love everyone coming to me to inform me that autumn and ali are voting to keep bryce when i already knew that we were making that decision together :))) i also love hearing the "you and i are on the bottom" speech from everyone who realizes they're not that important in the majority alliance 

THIS WEEK SUCKS I HATE TWISTS Ali- so fake i thought we were a duo but apparently this decision really is hard for him and hes prob evicting me. i would never have voted him out so im just shocked and upset that he so seemingly easily votes me out. he also makes me feel bad that hes voting me? like what kind of move is that. edit: chose to save me in the end still fake tho. Alivia- I love her so much im so glad our connection is really pulling through and shes choosing me over LAB (unless she isnt in which case choke). my secret weapon <3 edit: i was writing this as eviction happened and while on call alivia tells me she voted me b/c she thinks im going home well i stayed 7-4 so think again you fake f2ing FREAK!! Ashvika- Always so honest with me and i love that and hoping shes still honest that shes with me. shes been not on for a while tho so im scared but im hoping that its nothing to worry about :s Autumn- we never work together and i tried to campaign to her but idk if it worked but either way i cant be mad b/c i never put in the work earlier and i tried to vote her out a bunch so itd be hypocritical LOL Blake- MY KING IM SO SAD WE ARE NOMMED TOGETHER if we hadnt messed up counting we wouldnt be going home. im so sad, someone who i never thought id want gone this early it sucks that these are the final noms :/ Dennis- he has been here with me through the whole eviction and has campaigned for me i literally love him so much like he is REAL and some of these houseguests could take a lesson from the KING himself!! Honestly im gonna listen to some linkin park if i survive just to honor him John- king!! i love him if he saves me, if he doesnt im hurt but hes still a king. like i feel like i  have the most fun convos with him and hes always so funny plus he tells zeezo things and she tells me things so it keeps me informed Jose- depending on the hour a king or a flop. he said he always was keeping me but then i hear he isnt but in the end he is? well at least an hour and half before eviction. he is so wishy washy hes ali but wasnt as close to me so im less  hurt. Lynn- i know shes saving blake so im not hurt shes still a queen <3 lynns world and we're living in it <3 Randy- Julia Nicole rigged for him to come back he wants me out and can choke but he can keep trying cuz I aint leaving Sammy- maybe the fakest person ever. its now like after eviction and HoH so I have some thoughts. he is vague with me the second im nommed talking about hes scared of randy. then he just plans to vote me and doesnt mention it to me??? and i know the whole time and i give him opportunities to talk to me and confess, but no he stays quiet. Then when he sees im safe he msg's zeezo like ahh everyone lied to me, and im like GOOD glad you know how it feels. now after i won hoh he is trying to spin it that he knew i was staying and just wanted to vote me to seem separated from me/zeezo/him trio thats been speculated. like??? he didnt know i was staying and he was just scared of randy!! like just be honest and dont lie to me now that im hoh and ur scared i know you lied already!! idk hes just :@ i was never gonna target him and he threw me under the bus to save himself so quick and easy. Zeezo- the loml. she did so much work to keep me safe. first she came to me with the plan to pretend to be on the fence with ppl so that it would look like we arent close. (something sammy just forgot to do???) and then once she found out sammy was backstabbing me she leaked it to jose and jose was able to convince ali who was able to convince autumn to save me!! she helped me throughout the whole game and i wanna go to the end with her even tho i dont think its mutual... but i love her so much!!

JURY VIDEO

CAST ASSESSMENT

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