#i feel really lucky that Ethan and i grew up together and have grown together and not apart

[hieronymous-bitch]

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[yeaahishowedupatyourparty]

Red & the meaning of it’s songs for Lottie. I just feel like doing this is going to help me build her narrative more, there might be some open spots in here but I doubt it. Also, as I said in the chat, it just helps everyone differentiate her from Holly because they both use Taylor’s albums for their character development! Hope that makes sense :) 

1. State Of Grace - Moving to New York and a dedication to all of the friend’s she’s made there. It’s the first time she’s been settled properly in one place and I think it’s about the intense excitement and love she feels for her academy already. She’s met Yasmine, Salem, and so many others and it’s track number 1, because she sees it as the opening to a really exciting new chapter.  2. Red - Elijah! This was her first boyfriend and they drifted as they grew up and moved on to different things. She has no ideas he’s into guys and that doesn’t really matter, anyway. She’s accepted that they’re over but the relationship is always romanticised in her head and moving on fully will probably never be an option.  3. Treacherous - Her first crush at Liberty was Avery and it hit hard. She was intensely pissed off when she didn’t get the reciprocation she wanted but after ‘Better than Revenge’ on Speak Now, she knows better than to put people on blast TOO hard. So, she went down the lovesick route and created this beautiful song. She knows that nothing’s going to come of it, but she can’t fully leave him alone. It’s a little less intense now that all of the academies are together though, because she doesn’t see him as much. 4. I Knew You Were Trouble - This plot is still work in progress, but it’ll be dedicated to Ethan. The two of them have got closer through attending Liberty and he’s attracted to her on a physical level; but nothing more. He’s mainly hooking up with her to prove a point to Addy and it’s working. They’re never official but even still, when she realises/the truth comes out, I think she’ll put her “Stop putting people on blast” attitude out of the window and release this because she won’t be happy.  5. All Too Well - I think All Too Well is really easy to interpret as heartbreak, but Lottie’s meant to be more calculated than that. So, even though it’s very much a heartfelt song and really emotional...she’s crafted it to be that way. It’ll be about Ethan and the purpose of it will be to get the general public and fans on side. She knows it tugs at heart-strings and while I Knew You Were Trouble is a bop, All Too Well is designed to give her the vulnerability that everybody loves to see. In reality, she’s not as hurt about it as she’s pretending.  6. 22 - Every single album has a song about or inspired by Annabel because she’s hands down the most important person in Lottie’s world. I feel Lottie would have grown up hearing Annabel’s stories about St Judes, her adventures and the friends she made. Lottie wrote this song when she got accepted into Liberty, knowing that she’d be having the same thing, and in a weird way feels more connected to her Mum than ever. The line “Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you” kind of points to how much she still relies on Annabel and knows her Mum will guide her through anything that gets hard in the next few years. She basically feels as if she’s her Mum when she was 22.  7. I Almost Do - Elijah. This would be an older song and I think it’d be written when she first started feeling the distance between them. This is probably the least complicated meaning on the album, oop.  8. We Are Never Getting Back Together - NOBODY LOL She just knew it’d get people talking and was catchy and it’ll be one she always acts as if it’s a huge secret who it’s about. 9. Stay Stay Stay - Again, it needs a little bit more development but Flynn is the second guy she’s had a major crush on. He’s really good to her and they have a lovely friendship, but she’s also keeping him at arms length because she knows her career plan is going to end up screwing over a lot of people and their reputations and she doesn’t want him to be one of them. It’s also about how he seems to genuinely like her and not care as much about how successful she is/what she can or cant offer him.  10. The Last Time - All Too Well, part 2. Just to REALLY drive home the fact that Ethan’s hurt her feelings, it’s all his fault and people should feel bad for her. Forget the fact she also knew he was one of the star basketball players and dating him would help boost the attention for ‘Red.’ That’s irrelevant...Obviously.  11. Holy Ground - She wrote this during her visit to St Judes and again, with her parents in mind. For them, Violet Springs is where it all started and I think she would’ve done something really sentimental like visited Annabel’s old dorm room or asked her Mum to take her to the place where they first met. This one tells their story more than any of theirs.  12. Sad Beautiful Tragic - Another one about Elijah. I feel like this is probably the shadiest song she’s written about him and here’s why...’Sad beautiful tragic love affair’ almost implies that something happened or somebody was wrong - and, of course, Lottie’s RARELY going to put herself in the shoes of the villain in any of her stories, so it very subtly nudges people to feel like Elijah did something. He didn’t, though, but one of Lottie’s weaknesses is making things up in her head until she believes them to be fact. There was definitely a stage where she thought he’d found somebody else, so this was the result.  13. The Lucky One - For Violet! Lottie’s been in the music industry for a little longer than most, just because Drew and Annabel let her be home-schooled for a few years while she worked on her debut. I think she sees a lot of herself in Violet and it’s somebody she genuinely cares about. It’s written almost like a fable about fame and trying to warn her that she needs to keep her feet on the ground or she’ll get hurt.  14. Everything Has Changed - I REALLY DON’T LIKE THIS SONG, I FIND IT HARD TO CARE ABOUT. She does have a vague connection with Fae’s new character, Jace, though, so I’ll fill this in when we’ve got a better idea of what it’s all about.  15. Starlight - Her second song about being in New York and starting life at Liberty. Lottie’s version of ‘Red’ is about living life at maximum intensity, which is what she feels like at the moment. She feels like this is the most alive and new she’ll ever be and her passion for everything is burning, so Starlight is another song that expresses that.  16. Begin Again - Flynn and Elijah, ahh. Again, she deep down knows Flynn’s a good guy and the real deal; the only other person she’s had that intuition about is Elijah. She’s kind of comparing them in the sense that they’ve given her that hopeful, heads-in-the-clouds feeling...unlike Ethan who is the other side of the album. I think it’s from the perspective of Lottie looking at Flynn and seeing a lot of Elijah - hence something quite nice is beginning...again. 

17. The Moment I Knew - This will again be for Jace. The vague idea of their connection is that they dated after she dated Elijah, while she was home schooling. She fell hard and looked to him for support and was convinced he’d be the same as Elijah was to her but he is and has always been more focused on his career. So, when she decided to go back to VS, he stayed out in LA trying to make his dreams come true. They tried long distance but he never called as much as she did and it felt very one way. He never did anything explicitly wrong...unless you hear Lottie’s slightly overdramatic version of the story via this song. (For people struggling to keep up, it goes: Elijah, Jace, Liberty, Crush on Avery, vague fling with Ethan, Longterm crush on Flynn LOL) 18. Come Back, Be Here - Leaving LA (when she was being home schooled/working on her debut) and Jace, too. This was the beginning of their short lived long distance relationship when she thought they genuinely had a chance. I feel like she’s embarrassed to admit she fell for him now but she did lmao.  19. Girl At Home - If you didn’t get the clue in her post, Peter C LOL. It’s plotted that when they got to NYC, he flirted with her a few times even though Lottie knew he was with Bianca. Hence why she wrote this song. She could’ve just told him to fuck off and left it be, but why do that when you could have it on an album and cause rumours to spread like wildfire?

[shes-soparticular]

Slow Burn (part III)

Part One.

Part Two. 

A/N: A little from Alex’s point of view this time. Other Alex related one-shots can be found in my Masterlist. Hope you like! Comments, reblogs, likes are always appreciated!

Word Count: 2325

uh-huh, I think you're movin' in too close but I think that it's my body wanting it the most, like uh-huh, I don't know what it is I feel but I know it's my emotions going in for the kill

 It’s somewhere on the road between Lisbon and Montpellier that Alex realizes how truly fucked she is. A slight bump in the literal road jars her awake, her eyes fluttering open with a soft whimper. She’s still getting used to the disorientation of being on tour and waking up within a different set of walls every other morning and it takes her a second to realize where she is. There’s no lumpy hotel pillow under her head but there is a rather firm, rather warm chest laying beneath her cheek. Alex sits up so fast her head spins, the surrounding dark and empty communal space of the tour bus swirling before her. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she glances to her nap partner who has started to stir at the absence of her. He lets out a yawn but seems to settle back into sleep and the last thing she wants to do is wake him. Her heart skips a beat as she studies his sleeping face, his dark curls falling over one eye, his features placid. What she wouldn’t give to lean in and place a soft kiss to his lips, to curl back into him and drift back off to her dreams. Dreams where this doesn’t have to be so complicated, this dance they’ve been doing. Where the timing is perfectly aligned and there’s no one at home for her to answer to. A reality where they’re just two regular people able to give themselves fully to their feelings without hesitation. But that isn’t the world they’re living in. Far from it. Yet here she is, having allowed herself to nestle into him under the protection of sleep. When everyone else on the bus had insisted on retiring to their respective bunks, Alex and Shawn had both looked at one another, wide awake, not wanting to call it a night just yet. It was his idea to stay up and watch Netflix and after some bickering about the options (he wanted Grey’s Anatomy, she wanted Sex and the City), they finally settled on a mutual favorite, The Wedding Singer. Sharing his air pods and MacBook, they’d settled into the couch, keeping just enough unspoken distance between them to play it safe. Alex can’t remember how far into the movie they made it, but she’s fairly sure it was at some point after the love triangle was fully underway. Had they not grown so tired so fast, she’s certain they’d have realized how uncomfortable of a movie choice it was. Quirky girl hits it off with emotional singer but she’s too busy dating an asshole to realize she’s falling for him. Yep, she fucking recognizes that trope and it hits a little too close to home.

She truly never intended for this to happen and honestly, she hadn’t even expected to become close friends with Shawn when she’d been assigned to his tour. It wasn’t like being a travel manager brought you especially close to the talent or took you into any deep inner circle. It was purely by happenstance that they hit it off the way they did. Or so she believes. She doesn’t want to dramatize it in such a way that maybe, just maybe, they were meant to find one another. That fate pushed them both into that hotel bar and laughed wickedly as they made eyes at one another along Amsterdam’s moonlit canals. To be completely fair, she was technically single then, as she flirted with him over the strain of Northern Lights they’d picked simply because it sounded cool. Ethan, she didn’t even want to think his name right now with Shawn’s thigh touching hers, had given her that ultimatum. It’s the nature of ultimatums that they’re not supposed to be easy to choose between, that there’s supposed to be a calculated amount of heartache on both ends. But when Ethan made her choose between him and the road? A rush of relief had pumped through her veins. It meant he could be their undoing and she didn’t have to get any blood on her hands. Didn’t have to suffer the guilt. He’d made an impossible request and it was his fault for making it, but she was happy that he did. Those first few days on tour, she was returning to herself. The happy-go-lucky woman that wasn’t bogged down by the frustration and insecurities of a man. But of course, rather than just becoming reacquainted with herself and focusing on that alone, she met him. Shawn. From there? It was all sexual tension and fleeting glances and watching him every fucking night having the time of his life in increasingly tighter tank tops. Seriously, anyone would agree that she never stood a chance at keeping her shit together. No one could possibly expect her to. Even though it was probably best for her to take a breather from all men, even rockstars in tight jeans, Alex would have been all in if it wasn’t for the mess to be untangled back in Chicago.

When Ethan had called her in Berlin, she should have ended it then and there. But as much as he could be a dick, as much as she knows they’ve been over for quite some time, Alex feels like she owes him an official breakup. In person. No amount of closure would be gained from ending things over a staticky phone call, not after all of the years they’d spent together. When she’d left Chicago, it’d been with her middle finger held high. Now, the soft spot she had for him returned. She didn’t want to shatter him. Not that she necessarily could, it’d been a long time since they’d fallen out of love. Several seasons had come and gone since they’d even really touched each other, more than a faded fuck here and there where they did their best not to make eye contact. The fact that he was even trying to salvage the relationship shocked her at first. Until she remembered that with Ethan, it was about control and having the last word.

Giving even the slightest bit of thought to her sort-of relationship back home just reminds her why she was falling so ridiculously hard for Shawn. There was this immediate ease between them, like picking up with an old friend. Except there was barely anything friendly about it; the undercurrent of emotion and tension had been high even that first night. It only grew as the days passed, still unspoken, but constantly ringing in her ears. The way he looked at her, those hazel eyes so soft every time they raked over her? The way his hand always seemed to fall tenderly to the small of her back anytime a stranger came too close? The way his voice got raspy from laughing at her stories, even the ones she’d told repeatedly? All of those factors sent shivers down her spine. Yet it’s about so much more than the way he treats her. It’s about how endlessly kind and compassionate he is towards everyone around him. The way he’s truly concerned that everyone is happy and taken care of. It’s his vulnerability and the fact that in their late-night conversations, he’d been so open with her. He’d explained how scared he was to lose himself to his image. How worried he was for the day to come when he might become irrelevant. That he had to constantly be vigilant not to make a misstep that would end it all. It was so much pressure and she was in awe that he could manage to bear it with so much grace. If a line of people, hundreds deep, showed up outside the hotel demanding photos of her? Alex would have a few choice words and a couple choice fingers. She didn’t have the unconditionally generous soul that Shawn did, but it was one more quality that enamored her to him. They were far from a case of opposites attracting, honestly, they were more similar than different. They both had exuberance and passion in spades. They both loved control and they were both way too stubborn for their own good. Yet somehow, even in such a short time, they managed to temper one another. There was this instantaneous unspoken bond where their energy just matched and fed one another in a way that Alex had never experienced with another person.

No matter how badly she wants to throw caution to the wind and let herself fall as fast as her heart will take her, she can’t. Not with Ethan waiting for her at home. Not without finding a way to protect herself. The truth is that her heart hasn’t been unguarded in years. With Ethan, it’d been a long time since he even had the power to break her heart. But now, with Shawn? They hadn’t even started anything, hadn’t even admitted their feelings, and she was already aware of how hard he could break her. Alex was petrified of what would happen if she fully gave herself over to him, every wall knocked down. And realistically, what was she supposed to expect? Tour wouldn’t last forever. Hell, this leg wouldn’t even last forever. How would things change when they were in two totally different countries? How would things change when they couldn’t stay up late almost every night in hotel rooms simultaneously baring their souls and arguing over pop culture? How would things change when she wasn’t in the crowd, staring back at him during Mutual? What would happen when they returned to their lives (normal, in her case, and not so normal in his)? It was akin to falling in love on vacation, how could they ever recreate it in the real world? There was a deep seeded fear in the pit of her stomach that maybe this was all about convenience. Maybe the bond she was so convinced of was just a result of constant proximity. Once she was in Chicago and he was in Toronto, maybe it’d be out of sight, out of mind as yet more young starlets and Instagram models flocked to him. She wasn’t sure that she could ever compete from afar and she also wasn’t anywhere near ready to change her entire life around to fit another person. It just. It was all bound to break, even now, even before they really started.

Although she knows all of this, her brain begging her to listen and ignore that impulsive heart of hers, it’s all immediately forgotten whenever he looks at her. Like he is in that very moment, his eyes slowly opening as he stretched beside her. There’s a second where his arms reach for her, presumably ready to pull her back into him. Honestly? She’d probably let him if he did. But he stops short of touching her hip, sitting up instead. “We fell asleep?” He looks utterly exhausted and the protective side of her kicks in, wanting nothing more than to fix even the slightest bits of discomfort for him.

“We did. We should really get some real sleep before morning, you in particular.” Getting to her feet, she offers her hand to him to pull him up as well. “C’mon, time for bed.” Shawn looks at her as though he’s going to protest, beg her for one more movie. However, his eyes soften after a moment and he nods, taking her hand to pull himself up. But even once he’s standing, their hands remain intertwined, neither one of them moving to let go. Without a word or a thought, Alex starts her slow walk to the bunks in the back of the bus, her hand in his as he trails behind her. Silently, she wishes she were leading him back to a place they could be together, where she could lay her head back on his chest and fall asleep to the beating of his heart. Where they could explore one another with more than just their eyes. When they reach the last two bunks left empty for them, she turns back towards him to say her goodnight. Their eyes lock and she swears his face is dipping towards hers. This. This is going to be the moment. Her heart starts racing and she imagines he must notice that her palm grasped in his has gone sweaty. Disobeying the instructions being sent by her rational brain, her tiptoes raise, trying desperately to bridge the gap to his lips. Still, she leaves a space. Enough that their lips don’t brush, but she can still feel his breath on her face. There’s something about the dark, about moving through countries and timezones in the night, that makes this moment seem like it’d be untouchable. Free from the circumstances, free from her guilt, free from the fear of what’s to come. But her better judgement knows that isn’t true. This moment will still be judged against the circumstances and the guilt and the fear. So instead of capturing his lips and letting this fire consume them, she drops back to her heels. Brushing her thumb across the back of his hand as if that’s enough to tide her over, she finally lets go. Her heart sinks a little at the mixture of disappointment and frustration on his face, the longing. But he also looks grateful, somehow, like he knows as well as she does that they can’t start this way. “Goodnight, Shawn.”

He gives her one last craving glance and she can’t help but notice his lips tugging up at the corners. Defiant. Because he also knows this isn’t their last chance. That there’s so much more to come. “Goodnight, Alex.” Just like that, they both turn away from one another and climb into their bunks. As if their bodies aren’t begging to be satiated.

She lays awake in her bunk the entire damn night, heart still racing and an ache between her legs. Fuck.

[buddaimond]

by Ethan Alter. November 10, 2017

As a child actress growing up on the sets for films like Panic Room and Catch That Kid, Kristen Stewart learned early on to pay close attention to the director behind the camera. “That’s your boss,” she tells Yahoo Entertainment about her earliest memories of watching filmmakers at work. “You look to that person for everything. When a movie is really good, it takes a lot of people’s efforts. But what starts it is something so singular with a specific perspective. Even when I was really little, I knew that my job was to listen to that [perspective] and hold it like it was precious. And even as a little kid, I was like, ‘F**k, I’d like to hold that myself one day and share it!'”

Flash-forward to the present day, and the now 27-year-old actress is sharing her own directorial debut with the world, the evocative short film Come Swim. After premiering at the Sundance Film Festival in January, the 17-minute production is being released today as part of Refinery 29’s Shatterbox Anthology, which provides a platform to emerging female filmmakers. Starring first-time actor Josh Kaye, Come Swim grew out of a recurring image that embedded itself in Stewart’s mind several years ago and became the linchpin for a half-realist, half-impressionist portrait of a man whose mind is plagued by memories of a failed love affair, to the point where he feels like he’s drowning even on dry land. We spoke with Stewart about how she relates to the character we see onscreen and whether she has any desire to direct a Twilight-style blockbuster.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Q&A with Kristen:

Yahoo Entertainment: You’ve said that the idea for Come Swim originated with the image of a man sleeping at the bottom of the ocean. Where did the vision come from?

Kristen Stewart: Initially, I was just fixated on the idea of a person that’s so over-aware of what’s essential to them — what they’re really in need of — but are unable to absorb it. So even at the bottom of the ocean, the most ultrahydrated place in the world, they’re dry. When you’re in your own head, your pain and struggle seems so dramatic and unrelatable. And yet it’s so universal! There isn’t any feeling that somebody hasn’t had before you. Once you’re in it, it feels all-consuming, but when you step back, you go, “What the f**k have I been doing?”

For me, the film tapped into that feeling of being mentally underwater: There’s so much buzzing around in your head, and you’re just in need of a moment of clarity.

Exactly. He’s punishing himself with memories and can’t really organize them. He can’t put them somewhere easy to process. I wanted to externalize a very internal sound. When he starts out, he feels things are whizzing by him, and he can’t grab them, but they also won’t go away. It’s about waking up in the morning and going, “Wow, I’m allowed to use my mind! It’s not controlling me.” When you’re in that state, easy things seem hard.

Is there something about the modern world that exacerbates that? You place the character in settings like a busy office and the front seat of his car, where there’s a lot of stimuli.

I wanted to put him in places that were normal — stripped-down environments without much detail. We don’t have much time to get to know this guy really well, so what I wanted you to focus on was your own projections of doing mundane things like getting up and going to work. But he is always cubed in: his office cubicle is small, the car is small. It’s only once he gets outside and finds the ocean that he allows himself to breathe. He has regrets about his relationship that have sent him into this existential crisis, and even though he hates swimming and water, he realizes he’s got to let himself float. Water is stronger than us, and if you fight it, you’re just going to f**king tire and drown. But if he lets himself look like a dork and bob around in the water, when he gets out he’ll be cold, but he’ll also realize that he’s not going to have to try and control everything.

The character’s circumstances are intended to be universal, but in working with Josh Kaye did you discover that men and women have different responses to this kind of mental state?

I think there are big differences between him and I, but more on an individual level. It doesn’t really have much to do with gender necessarily. The character in the story isn’t necessarily me, but I wanted to be as close to it as I could. The main difference between us is that I’m a little bit more explosive. There are a few things in the film that I’m so excited I didn’t do myself, because he grins and bears it whereas I think I would be a little more dramatic. He’s never acted in anything before, so he wasn’t trying to prove anything to me. He was just realistically in this environment and allowed whatever memories or ideas to stir him.

You incorporated paintings you made into the film via a process called “neural style transfer” as opposed to traditional CGI. Was that a process you had a hand in developing?

No, I have a friend who works at a VFX house and she was familiar with Bhautik Joshi’s research. I spoke with her about my painting and how I wanted it to feel illustrated in the film; I wanted parts of the movie to feel like a painting. I was talking a lot about grain and how to do that, and she told me about this guy who could take a physical painting and apply that style to a moving picture. So he helped us out, but I think it was something he came up with, and when the movie came out it was a good chance for him to talk about that process. I was lucky to be able to do it and take those two mediums and put them together. [Stewart is listed as a co-author of an academic paper about neural style transfer that’s on file with Cornell University.]

Has working on big-budget movies like Twilight and Snow White and the Huntsman made you leery of incorporating CGI into your own films?

Not at all. Initially, I thought I was going to need a lot of digital work on Come Swim. I had this long list of shots, but after we went out and shot everything I kept crossing them off my list during post-production, going “I don’t need that one, I don’t need that one.” We did minimal digital work, because everything we did physically was so cool. All of the makeup work on Josh was practical and worked. I really like it when you only have to use a small amount [of CGI] to patch things up and refine them. If you can get as much as you can while taking f**king pictures, that’s what looks the most immersive.

Would you ever want to direct a tentpole film yourself or does that not hold any interest for you?

Maybe, because I do like to suspend reality — not in a way that’s fantasy, but to get inside someone’s head and really feel embedded in something internal. Because a lot of times it doesn’t resemble what you’re seeing on the outside. So I think I’ll want to make small movies; I have no interest in making huge movies, although I like working on them as an actor.

One of your earliest movies was Panic Room, directed by David Fincher. Do you recall observing any part of his process on set that you held onto for your own work?

That was the second movie I ever made. I was lucky to have that experience so young because it was so labor-intensive and for all the right reasons. I always want to be in movies where if you have to work tirelessly and endlessly, and if it has to hurt and you have to do it over and over again, you get something that really matters at any cost. That’s what you do — you just do f**king anything to get it. That [feeling] probably started on that movie.

It certainly feels like the fans that have grown up with you through the Twilight films are embracing the work you’re doing now. Are you conscious of how they’re seeing you evolve as an artist, and do you hope they take any lessons from you as the develop their own creative voices?

Yeah, of course. No one is so special as to have any kind of original thought or feeling that nobody’s had before you. But I really do follow my gut as to the things I’m drawn to artistically and hope that there will be someone out there that feels it too. For that, I’m lucky. I don’t think about the greater narrative [of my life] or alter my decisions to say things to people. But I feel that if you’re really honest about something and are exploring something that feels worth it, there will be other people interested in it too.

Come Swim | Shatterbox Anthology | Refinery29

[camdallasfanfics]

What now? - Chapter 10*

Cameron Dallas fanfic - Sequel to I’m not that kind of girl

*WARNING SMUT (barely)

Word count: 1′858

Previous Chapter

We were interrupted by a gasp. We quickly pulled away. „Oh hell no.“ I heard her say. „Y’all are fucking again. Not in my house. NO!“ Sam started to exaggerate, as always. „It was a kiss!“ Cameron chuckled. „Yeah and next thing you know you’re doing it in the bathroom or god forbid you’d dare to step a foot in my bedroom.“ She squinted her eyes.

„Who said we haven’t done that before?“ Cameron challenged her pulling me closer. I immediately pushed him away. „Ew. No! Sam we never did that.“ I looked at her with wide eyes. „I know. You would’ve told me. No worries.“ She shrugged grabbed a few champagne glasses out of a cupboard and walked out the kitchen.

„Ew? Really?“ Cameron looked at me in disbelieve. I shrugged and started to walk out of the kitchen when he grabbed my wrist. „Hey. Hold on. This is not done yet.“ He pulled me into his chest and smirked. „Oh hell yeah it is.“ I pulled away, again. „That’s not what you were saying in New York.“ He said pulling me back. „Or in my apartment.“ He now whispered in my ear. I chuckled. I felt his warm breath on my neck. „We should get back to the living room.“ I said under my breath.

I escaped his grasp and found the living room and soon he found it as well. I avoided him. I talked to Ethan. To his parents. To Sam’s parents. To her older brother. To basically everyone but Cameron. I didn’t want to. Well maybe I did. But I didn’t.

It was time for dinner and I sat across  from Sam and Ethan. I was hoping for my sister to sit next to me. But something about the smirk on Sam’s face was telling me that the one sitting down next to me wasn’t my sister. I glanced over and saw him already looking at me. I ignored him and started to talk to Sam about whatever. We started to eat when I felt a hand on my thigh. I shot Cameron a glare and he was smirking.

„Cameron. What’s up in your life? Doing anything exciting soon?“ Ethan started and I turned my head to looked at him. I didn’t want to be completely rude. „Uhm I’m bringing back MagCon soon. So that’s something.“ Ethan nodded. „Cool.“ I looked over at Sam and she was just smirking. I felt his hand go up higher on my thigh. I just took a bite when he went up even higher and squeezed my thigh. I choked, mind that it was not really discreet.

„You okay?“ I heard Cameron chuckle. „I’m fine, you idiot.“ I mumbled when I stopped coughing and pushed his hand away. But soon enough it was back in its original place. I ignored it for the rest of the dinner. „Y/N how’s it going with Danny?“ Sam asked smirking. My eyes grew wide. „Danny?“ I heard Cameron ask. „Her friend from New York?“ Sam said more questioning than answering.

„You’ve met him at the screening. You thought that we were a couple, remember?“ I explained to him and he nodded. He clenched his jaw and didn’t say anything. „Also Sam. I don’t know what you are talking about. We went out on one date that was it. He asked me out. I didn’t want to be rude. That’s it.“ I sighed in annoyance. Why do people still think that it’s okay to get involved in my love life? „Just checking. Because last time we talked-“ Before she could continue I kicked her in her shin. „Ouch.“ She mumbled.

Thing is: Danny and I went on a date. We made out and one thing led to another and we ended up hooking up once or twice. But that was it. I didn’t want Cameron to know for whatever reason. I didn’t want to make him jealous. Things were awkward enough. I wouldn’t know what to tell him or how he would feel. We were a couple never the less. I would be hurt to hear the same about him.

„I guess I’ll take that hint.“ Sam mumbled under her breath. „Better take it.“ I glared at her. I was done with my meal and excused myself. I found the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I did my business and was just washing my hands when I heard a light knock on the door. „One second.“ I said when I dried my hands. I opened the door and was about to walk out when he pushed me back in closing the door again.

„What are you doing?“ I asked him. „I want to talk.“ He shrugged. „About?“ I raised my eyebrows and leaned against the counter. „Danny?“ He stepped closer to me. „What about Danny?“ I crossed my arms. „Are you dating?“ He tilted his head. He is unbelievable. He trapped me in-between his arms, supporting himself with his hands on the counter. We were inches apart. „Would I have kissed you if I was dating anyone?“ I said in a quiet voice. He nodded. „Good point.“ He inched even closer to me.

Our bodies were touching on all kinds of ends. „So? Anything else, besides you being jealous?“ I tried to lightly push him away but he didn’t budge. „I’m not jealous. Just curious.“ He smirked. „Hm. Jealousy doesn’t really suit you. Curiosity does.“ I stated. „I just wanted to make sure you’re with no one else before I do anything.“ I felt his hands on my waist. He picked me up so now I was sitting on the counter. „Do what exactly?“ I challenged him.

Before I knew it he kissed me. Rough. My hands found his hair pulling onto it. His tongue slid down my bottom lip. I didn’t give him the satisfaction he wanted. Instead I pulled away. „Cameron we-“ I started but soon was interrupted with him kissing me again. This time he pulled away. „We what?“ He smirked pecking my lips. „We are not doing this.“ I mumbled and pecked his lips. Something about him made me crave any kind of touch of his. 

„Who said that?“ He questioned and I felt his hands slowly traveling up my dress pulling it up to my waist. „We can’t.“ I breathed against his lips. „Oh babygirl. We can.“ He responded before kissing me again. It was less rough than the first time around. My hands reached down to his pants undoing them. I pushed them down far enough. I started to palm him through his boxers which earned me a moan.

Before I knew it he pulled his boxers down and pulled my thong to the side. „Hold on.“ I pushed him away. First he looked confused but than caught on. He reached down to the back of his pants getting his wallet out. He wrapped himself up and we were good to go. I pulled him closer to me.

He was whispering profanities in my ear and I bit into his shoulder as usually trying to cover up the moans. We were nearly done when someone bursted through the door. „Oh my god!“ I heard her scream. I look up and see my mom covering her eyes. „Oh god.“ I groan hiding my face. I feel Cameron pulling out pulling up his pants.

„I’m so sorry I-I…“ Before she finished the sentence she left the bathroom closing the door. „Great.“ I mumbled adjusting my thong and jumped off the counter. I adjusted my dress and fixed up my hair. I heard Cameron chuckle. „This is not funny!“ I turn to him and hit his chest. „Yeah it kinda is.“ He started to laugh. „No it’s not. We got walked in on. BY MY MOM!“  He continued to laugh. „See. That’s funny.“ His laughed died down and he pulled me closer.

„It’s no biggie.“ He whispered in my ear and left a kiss beneath it. „It is.“ I answered and pulled away from him. „We should go downstairs.“ I tried to walk past him but he pulled me back. He left a small kiss on my lips. „Okay. It is a big deal. But it’s gonna be fine.“ I sighed and we left the bathroom.

When we got downstairs no one seemed to be faced. But that changed when Sam came at me. „I told you not to!“ She said pointing at Cameron, who was standing right behind me. He simply chuckled. „You could have at least locked the god damn door! You idiots!“ She was angry. Real angry. 

„I’m sorry we didn’t mean to-“ I apologized but she interrupted me. „Sure you didn’t mean to. I got engaged. Today was a great day. It was one of the most important days of my life. And you two steal the show!“ Now she went over board and Ethan stepped in.

„Sam. Calm down lets just go out for a bit. Take a few deep breaths. What do you think, huh?“ Sam was so lucky. Ethan was handling the situation so calmly. He was great for her. They were great together. „Sure.“ She huffed and they left the room. I sat down on the sofa next to my sister who was on her phone.

„Who are you texting? Your sweetheart?“ I joked but she looked at me with this annoyed face. „Shut up. You were just hooking up with your ex.“ My eyes grew wide. „Damn. Chill a little, would you.“ I knew this would be a big deal. I just knew it. I stood up and walked over to my mom.

„Mom I wanted to apologize for my behavior tonight. I didn’t mean to-“ Yet again I was interrupted. „You don’t have to apologize. You are a grown woman. I am not telling you what to do anymore.“ I was startled. What? Did she just say that? Was this a trap? 

„Emma. I wanted to apologize. It was my fault. I pushed it. I knew this was immature. I am so sorry.“ Cameron butted in and apologized to my mom. She nodded. „It’s fine. You are adults. Do whatever. But next time lock the door.“ She gave us an awkward smile.

„I’m gonna go now.“ I announced. I said bye to everyone and just left the house when I heard him calling after me. „Y/N! Wait!“ I turned and smiled at him. „I wanted to ask you something.“ He came to a halt in front of me. „When am I gonna see you again?“ I shrugged. „I don’t know.“ He squinted his eyes. „Can I see you in the next few days?“ He asked and I didn’t know what to say.

„I am flying back to New York soon. Maybe we can meet up. I’m not sure. I’ll have to see because of the holidays and-“ Yet again I was interrupted but this time with a kiss. What’s all the interrupting today? Although I can’t really complain about this one. I pulled away with a small smile. „I’ll see you soon.“ He whispered and than turned back to the house.

Next Chapter

A/N: I’m aware that the chapter got shittier. I am officially apologizing. I am really sorry. Also I can’t post next Sunday. So heads up on that one. Tell me what you thought, for example if you think it’s a shit show now is the time to tell me!