#i feel moderately shitty about that actually

[elytrafemme]

you know i oscillate between appreciating and resenting this fact about me (which is VERY maretypical tbh) b/c of how complicated it makes things but in this moment i must step back from my emotions and say. holy SHIT i am so glad i do not possess a drop of impulsivity in me holy fucking shit oh my God.

[junuve]

Actually.... have I ever talked about how I think Wheatley is basically the perfect synthesis of what an average Aperture employee was?? Because he was created in Aperture, he'd likely be a reflection of their entire work culture (....moreso than the gimmicky cores we meet in portal/tie-in games). Like the scientists responsible for making him really put all their hatred of their workplace/that-annoying-coworker-they-dislike into him.

He's sooorta miserable but Fine, mostly. A tad paranoid. Kinda classist/ableist (he disparages Manual Laborers in his dialogue and like... everything he says to chell is just so Bad lmao). he's TERRIFIED of GLaDOS but still belittles her. He laughs at the turrets dying in a shredder then realizes how messed up that is and backpedals (also backpedals on his smelly humans bit, but i'll be fair and say he deserves to hate humans as much as GLaDOS does). He breaks the nanomachines' work and then has the audacity to threaten to file a lawsuit against THEM for a Hate Crime?? (which is so so funny for so many reasons but I DIGRESS) Like I don't ascribe to him being a former human employee, but also I can clearly imagine working at Aperture and talking to Wheatley by the water cooler and he's That Moderately Unpleasant Guy who is juuust adequate enough to not be fired but never Exceptional enough to promote, but most importantly, he's not clever enough to actually do anything about his shitty situation in the company. He only fucks up a little less than what is allotted. He's got charisma! Fun for a chat sometimes! But he makes ppl feel bad when they talk to him. He's not the WORST, but he for sure isn't the best. It'd be easy to convince him to commit a crime in the name of Science. (He wouldn't sell your soul for a single corn chip, he'd only sell it for a whole bag.)

Wheatley is THE Aperture employee. And this all tracks because literally what could be a worse decision than continuing to work at Aperture Science?

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 26 Minho — angry/hate sex // impact play

➥ hard dom!Minho x sub!Reader summary: Sometimes, Minho gets really annoyed. Sometimes he gets really frustrated. The rest of Stray Kids know he gets frustrated, but what they don’t know is that he channels that anger and frustration in his sex with his girlfriend. wc: 1.7k warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, established relationship, sexual content (minors dni!): unprotected sex (pls use protection!), rough sex, angry sex (Minho takes all his frustration out on the reader but the aftercare is top tier), impact play (spanking, face slapping, choking, mention of reader slapping Minho once), use of pet names (mainly baby, honey, angel at the end, etc), reader is a bit of a pain slut, moderate degradation (he calls her slut & whore mainly and bitch one time), spitting, and I think that’s all of them. If I missed anything let me know! a/n: TW: THERE IS MORE THAN SPANKING IN THIS PART. IF THAT BOTHERS YOU, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS!!! I couldn’t imagine anyone else in this part other than Minho. I know he’s not a violent person, he just seems the most likely to be into impact play. Thank you for reading, I hope you like it, and as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms. Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped @dejavernon Kinkuary full taglist: @baldi-2 @wonderfulshinee @lacie220900 @sup-dallyboy @drunk-on-dk @violagoth @mixling-blog @kosmoreads @yourfavoritefreakyhan Stray Kids taglist: @niktwazny303 @g4m3girl @rapmonie2047 @indigo35 @witherednotes @cixrosie @fay-ebrahim @imseungminsgf @yeosayang @leeautumn @katsukis1wife @flowerboykun @beomgyusbabygirl Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. Taglist closed!

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“You know I don’t actually hate you, right?” Minho said softly as he ran the warm wet washcloth over your skin, red marks and bruises forming from his tight grip and heavy handedness.

You smiled at him warmly. “I know, babe,” you answered.

True, it wasn’t like Minho to be so rough with you.

At least, he didn’t make a habit out of it.

Sometimes he just needed to let his frustrations out and you were more than willing to let him fuck his frustration out with you.

It didn’t stop him from feeling slightly guilty when bruises showed up the next day from his manhandling, despite you reassuring him that you liked it.

You were truly a masochist.

It started when Minho came home angrier than you’d ever seen him before. Practice had gone extremely poorly and all of the guys were mad. Nothing seemed to be going well for them today.

You knew you were in for a rough time from the moment Minho slammed the front door shut, dropping his bag and making a beeline for you sitting innocently on the sofa, watching TV.

“Min?” You asked, looking up at your boyfriend as he towered over you. “Get up,” he said in a dangerously low voice. It sent shivers up your spin. “W-what?”

Minho grabbed your arm roughly, pulling you up from the cushion and dragged you away from the living room, slamming your back against the wall. Your wide eyes made him hesitate. “I’ve had a… really shitty day,” he started softly, dropping his head so you couldn’t see his eyes.

“I’m just so… fucking angry.”

A warm smile crossed your features as you reached up to cup his cheek tenderly.

“Let it out,” you encouraged softly.

The simple command was enough for Minho to slip into his own form of domspace. One where he almost lost himself entirely. Almost.

You knew from the second he looked up with that unreadable expression and those dark eyes, things were about to get very, very interesting.

It didn’t take much to set Minho off once he was in his domspace, a few shoves and a well timed slap had him dragging you to the bedroom, practically tearing your clothes off before knocking you back onto the bed.

He was on you in seconds, pulling his own shirt off as he knelt between your thighs. The two of you hesitated for just a moment, breathing heavily as you stared at one another. His eyes were dark, pupils blown with lust while yours were shining with excitement for what was to come.

Minho grabbed your leg, rolling your over onto your back before settling on your thighs. You knew better than to ask because sooner or later, he’d act.

And act he did, delivering a quick blow to your ass, making your body jump and a moan to escape your lips. Not giving you a chance to recover, he continued, landing slap after slap to your ass, alternating sides until your ass was red and sore. Not that you were complaining.

You loved the pain almost as much as you loved the pleasure.

By the time he’d finished marking your ass, you were practically dripping, something your boyfriend took notice of.

“Fucking typical,” he growled, untying his pants and pushing them down along with his underwear. “Of course a whore like you gets off on being used and abused.” You whined as he roughly pulled your thong down your thighs.

The tear of fabric had you groaning. ‘Aww and those were my favorite pair.’

Minho tossed your ruined panties away, taking your sore ass cheeks in his hands and spreading them to see your soaked cunt. “I bet I’d slide right in,” he whispered, moving his thumb down to brush over your glistening slit.

“On your back,” he barked suddenly, getting off you and kicking off his pants as you rolled onto your back as ordered. Minho was back on the bed in moments, forcing your legs apart and kneeling between your thighs.

“Look at you, so fucking pathetic,” Minho scoffed. He took his cock in his hand, giving himself a few strokes as he glared down at you. “You know, I really hate sluts like you,” he growled.

You narrowed your eyes up at him. “Oh fuck you,” you answered.

The slap to your cheek wasn’t hard. It was less about strength and more about the shock of it.

Minho didn’t give you a chance to recover as he lined the tip of his cock with your slit and pushed into you quickly, bottoming out almost instantly as he slid in with ease. “Fuck,” he groaned, eyes fluttering shut.

“For a whore, you sure have a tight cunt.”

You clenched around him, as if further solidifying his comment.

Minho let out a moan, grabbing your thighs harshly, nails digging into your skin.

“Tell me to fuck off again,” he ordered, opening his eyes to meet your gaze.

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do,” you hissed, earning another slap. The pain was a welcomed addition to the pleasure of Minho’s cock splitting you open. You felt his fingers close around your throat.

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, insolent bitch,” he growled, hips snapping against yours roughly as he set a slow but intense pace, each thrust driving his cock deep inside your pussy.

“I’ll call you whatever the fuck I want; fuck you however I want,” he growled, fingers around your throat squeezing lightly. “And you’ll just lay there and take it.”

You moaned as his hips pounded against your ass, ramming his cock into your wet cunt repeatedly. “You’ll take it like the fucking whore you are.”

Every time he used that word, your walls gripped him even tighter, moans tumbling from your lips as he fucked you hard.

“Shit, you’re so fucking tight I might blow right now,” he grunted, a bead of sweat rolling down his temple, his bangs sticking to his forehead. “Would you like that? Want me to cum all over your stomach?” He asked.

“Or better yet,” he continued with a smirk.

“Cum inside this tight little cunt and make you mine? You want that, baby?” You moaned loudly.

Minho chuckled darkly, his grip on your throat tightening slightly. “Of course you would. You’re my little cumslut, aren’t you? You just love it when I fill you up.”

Another moan and a hard thrust had you tumbling towards the edge but not quite falling over it. “Minho,” you whimpered, voice hoarse from your incessant moaning. Minho leaned over slightly, his thrusts aiming for that soft spongy spot inside your cunt that always managed to drive you over the cliff.

“You must be thirsty,” he commented, looking down at you. “From all that moaning and back talking.” You nodded in response. Your throat was definitely dry.

“Open your mouth,” he commanded.

Not wanting to be told twice, you obeyed him, opening your mouth. Without word or warning, Minho spit into your mouth, using his thumb to push your chin up, closing your mouth.

“Swallow it.”

You obliged, swallowing his spit. “God,” he groaned, hips stuttering for a moment. “You really just do whatever I tell you, don’t you?”

It was enough to push you over the edge, your walls convulsed around your boyfriend's cock as you came, moaning his name and back arching off the bed.

Minho wasn’t far behind, groaning and gasping as his hips stilled, cock buried balls deep as he came inside you, painting your cunt with his hot load. A few more thrusts for good measure and your boyfriend finally pulled out of you, rolling off the bed and disappearing into the bathroom.

You tried to regain control of your breathing as you heard the water running in the other room. A couple minutes later and Minho returned, carefully helping you to your feet and guiding you to the bathroom.

He’d started the bath and helped you into the tub, holding your hands as you slowly lowered yourself into the running water. Once you were situated, Minho disappeared again for a moment, returning with clean towels and a washcloth.

He joined you in the bath tub, turning off the water and dipping the cloth into the hot water before bringing it up to your face and pressing it against your cheek.

The bath was nice. He always took exceptional care of you after a rough session and this time was no different.

“I’m really sorry, angel,” he murmured as he wiped your face gently with the cloth, making sure to get your cheeks, nose, forehead, and chin. Minho wasn't one to get too into his feelings but after sex, it always jumped out and he got a lot more affectionate than usual.

“It’s okay, babe,” you answered as he continued to carefully wipe your body. He shook his head, clicking his tongue. "No, honey, it's not." You smiled at him, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles.

"It is," you insisted. "We go over this every time, Minho. I want you to do this to me. I want you to hurt me."

He shook his head again. "You aren't supposed to hurt the ones you love," he answered, a slight break in his voice. "It only hurts for a little while," you murmured, pressing the back of his hand against your cheek. "But the pleasure overshadows the pain any day."

Minho turned his hand over in yours, cupping your cheek and caressing the skin with his thumb tenderly. "I'll make it up to you," he said softly. "People will think I'm abusive," he added, noticing the red mark on your cheek.

"No more slapping. I don't think I can keep doing it."

You nodded, turning your head to press a kiss to his palm. "Okay," you answered. "But spanking?" You asked, your voice hopeful. Minho nodded. "I can do that," he admitted.

"Sometimes you can be a real brat."

You laughed as Minho gently pulled you forward, turning your body and pressing your back against his chest as you both relaxed in the hot water. He pressed a few short kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“I love you,” he whispered in your ear. "So, so much."

You leaned back further, resting your head on his shoulder as your eyes shut, a soft sigh escaping your lips.

"I love you, too, baby."

[entropicbias]

Do u have any johndave hcs youd care to share? Literally anything that comes to mind (height hcs, habits in their coexistence, what kind of food they usually make/eat/order, general opinions towards each others family... just throwing a few out there to get thoughts flowing). I am v intrigued about ur vision for them, ur domestic sketches feel like they have a lot of thought (or at least general vibes) behind them

when i draw john and dave sometimes, i have this very specific universe they live in planned out in my head. most of this is self projecting with me and my own best friend, but i'd be really happy to share anyways!

these are my headcanons for them physically. i am really not sure what race john should be. i always say he's "mystery asian" but honestly, i dunno. dave, to me, is embarrassingly white.

here are two pinterest boards i just made to try and explain their sense of style and their "vibes". i'm sorry if this is shit. i'm no experienced pinterest board creator. dave's board john's board

and on top of that, here are two playlists that highlight what kind of music i think they'd listen to. dave's playlist john's playlist i think john's taste in music is just stuff he's picked up from other people, and movies. dave actually goes out and finds new music he'd like to listen to. john would be the type of person to have 4 songs in a playlist and hit smart shuffle on them. i think john's favorite food is lasagna/burgers and dave's favorite food is spicy chicken wings. but since dave doesn't know how to cook and john is busy most of the time, they'd order takeout frequently. i think john and dave would both be smokers, one more casually than the other one. here is a minecraft house i built for them: https://youtu.be/bXCzLp-S99Y?si=mebaL3FDafxrPt-I but, i'll talk more about it. i think john and dave would rent an apartment in the city together so john could easily go to uni and dave can grow mold in his room. it'd be a really shitty place, but i think with john's efforts they'd manage to make the place look more homely. dave would mostly stay in his room because he has made it so that he could sustain himself in there for a week without having to come out. john wouldn't be on his case about it though as long as the living room isn't filthy. i think john would be able to tolerate a moderate mess.

i think john would be weirded out by bro strider, but then again i don't think those two would cross paths very often. i think in a world where dirk exists as dave's brother consistently he'd get really annoyed by him. that is why i made those dirk comics. i reckon that dave would like john's dad, but for some reason i always imagined he'd be dead or in a different state when john and dave live together. in terms of what they'd do, i think dave would be a college dropout so he'd probably be working some really peculiar short-term one off jobs. like, gigs and costume mascot work. or he'd be doing some really weird crypto shit on the internet, which he'd think is really funny. like, he'd rake in a handful of money during the nft craze. i imagine john and dave trying to live a little and be teenagers during the time. so they'd show up to or have parties and they'd be getting up to some zany and boisterous teenage behavior. i think john would be studying at university and he'd have a job related to that. i'd bet that dad would help him pay for his expenses too. i think john would study computer science or something kind of nerdy like that. he'd be paying for most of the expenses at home. and he'd probably be doing most of the chores, but he wouldn't mind that much cause dave tries to contribute and he makes good company. john and dave would play video games a lot and go out to eat and see movies and stuff. just kind of really casual things. maybe they'd go out to arcades too. i suggest reading deacon_blue's moveout zine, which i enjoy a lot and has a similar basis. it is one of my favorite things produced out of the fandom regarding the beta kids. romantically, i like to imagine they don't actually get together until like, two years of living together. not much i can say about that but when it happens, it happens late. i can't formulate the words to describe this bit, but i'll end up drawing pictures later on. i hope this was enough, i can't really think of anything else unless i'm prompted with specific questions so if you have any i'd love to keep talking about this weird universe i've built in my head around them.

[occasionally-victor]

shitty mer au spiderbit comic be with you (it took me 17 hrs im not joking🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥)

and another lore dump: mers mostly eat seafood (they can still eat various land food, but that can cause some stomach problems if not consumed moderately), and they can eat it both cooked and not. Cooked is generally preferred because tasty and nutritious, however it's normal for a mer to catch a stray fish and just. start snacking on it.

It's regarded as generally good thing to catch and give fish to a person you care about (family, sign of friendship, all that). However, it gains romantic meaning when the fish is carried in mouth - especially if the teeth marks are very noticeable (don't have to necessarily catch it by mouth, but the whole thing kinda implies this - something something this has the roots in a legend i haven't fully thought through right now). It's more regarded as confession without confession thing - the size of a fish typically tells how much the giver is into the other (not always, but typically).

When mers started interacting with land people, inevitably, some of the mers started falling in love with some of those land people. The fun part - the overwhelming majority of land peeps obviously do not know about the fish thing, and yes, mers happily took advantage of this to constantly give fish to their crushes while avoiding actually telling about their feelings. At some point they would still reveal the whole thing tho.

Another fun part - after all these years, the knowledge of the fish giving thing is very much not universal even in places near water sources. Meaning, to this day, mers still tend to just give fish to the land people instead of yknow. Talking about their feelings.

And yeah, this is exactly what i drew there. When you give a guy you really like a fish, and he just straight up eats it in front of you (dw he's fine, he spent his teenage years in Hell dimension, he ate stuff worse to survive 👍).

[myfandomrealitea]

Saying someone has "zero brain cells present" because you didn't understand their addition to a post doesn't seem like a very good way to "facilitate collected, open-minded discussions between opposing or conflicting views". The addition was clearly about how some fandom spaces are so separated from reality that they end up treating fandom drama like shipping as some huge priority to sink effort into and how arguing over a ship will somehow make the world a better place. It won't and some fan areas would do well to keep it all in perspective and have a reality check over what's an actual problem in life. What a mean spirited blog you run if this is how you treat anyone trying to interact with the topics you bring up.

Its the tag I use so people can block my more nonsensical or argumentative reblogs if that's not something they want to see. Its also pretty accurate, frankly. If you get that tag, you've earned it.

I understood it perfectly. I also understood it was a completely irrelevant and pointless addition to the post because it directly contradicts the very nature of the post.

If you look back through the reblogs you'll see well over a hundred other people have done the exact same thing and been given the exact same response. If you say something stupid on my posts, beyond a certain point I will simply react as I see fit.

I do not care that I've hurt your feelings or theirs. Life is unfortunate that way sometimes. Its not mean spirited. Its called reaching the threshold of my patience.

Responding to someone saying people need respite by essentially regurgitating that they're allowed respite as long as they never ever forget that people are being murdered and as long as people are forced to moderate how much respite they need is... Really not the kind of moral victory the reblogger thought it was.

People are entitled to respite. Period. As much of it as they need. Respite doesn't magically erase the knowledge that the world is burning. We don't need people like that reblogger permitting us respite as long as we only take just enough of it to reach that shitty perfect balance they have in mind.

Once activism becomes forced it is no longer activism and it is no longer as effective. Also, waving around one of those very same world issues as some kind of brownie point to your argument is disgusting.

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

okay I was sorta lurking but I actually have a confession after reading that one about the rp servers because oh my god I had a TERRIBLE experience with an rp server. It’s so bad that it is literally the reason I have such a burning hatred for Pyrite the Skywing.

it was based extremely on wof (with some focus on the legend of Spyro, of all things) and it was called something like “WoF: Talon” or something like that; it had this edgy Bloodclan-esque dragon tribe but that’s beside the point. the server had this economy where in order to get like anything mildly special about a character you were going to play (hivewing abilities, Nightwing being born under any moons, firescales, etc.) and animus magic was the second most expensive thing, only being cheaper than literally buying moderator role. I’m dead serious.

Anyway, I decide to submit my personal animus character, a Nightwing named Gemcarver. basically he makes jewelry and sometimes puts enchantments on it of various usefulness. It gets accepted, I look for someone willing to rp. Lucky me, I guess; the owner of the server wants to rp. The owner, as a side note, literally idolizes Pyrite and unironically says that he “simps for her” and calls her “his queen.” I’ve never liked Pyrite as a character; she’s like a stereotypical shy girl who turns out to be like very overt TF bait? which is like not bad in itself, but it feels so over the top in the books. Anyway. Owner of the server decides to rp with his version of Pyrite, who is this more confident version of herself who has a husband and children, and also animus magic for some reason. We start rping, I’m having a decent amount of fun, and then he decides to do something…funny. pyrite decides to take a little piece of jewelry that Gemcarver bought just to be nice, and enchants it to basically have a second pyrite; Flora the Rainwing was born. And I was having fun with that too for a bit, until pyrite started making the spell more complicated, with ideas such as:

-flora being unable to get mad at pyrite for ANYTHING.

-flora being obsessed with Skywing culture and just Skywings in general, to the point of wanting to be one

-flora being obsessed with Pyrite specifically, romantically. Despite her having a husband.

And frankly I’m getting sort of annoyed, and want to play Gemcarver again (maybe there could be some like plot where he starts hating pyrite as he crushes the jewelry? I thought it would be cool) and saw my opportunity to get rid of it and made my shot, twice….and the owner didn’t let it happen. So I voice my complaints, like “so did I pay all that currency for nothing? the character I made is just dead now, for no reason?”

“Essentially, yes.”

this pisses me off, and I tell him that this is shitty, and he essentially just says “nuh this isn’t bad pyrite just wants attention uwu” and I just eventually dropped the conversation. and to this day I hate Pyrite with a burning passion.

Fuck that guy.

I can definitely understand why you hate Pyrite after that encounter.

[omghallucinations]

hyunjin chart analysis: in the weeds edition

how much can you figure out without a birth time?

lunar nodes, degrees, fixed stars, planetary nodes, basically all kind of deeper cuts.

if you don't know your or someone else's birth time, fear not--there's still a lot of good info. most aspects you can be sure of because the planets are pretty much where they're gonna be. houses, degree of the moon, aspects to the moon--ok very important, but there is still other information you can see.

hyunjin is in a unique position--normally your sun does not change much at all throughout the day, but he's exactly at the tail end of pisces so if he was born after about 5pm he'd be an aries sun at 0. more normal, he has 2 moon options--virgo or libra (after about 2 pm). tbh he gives me pisces with a virgo moon. still, with so much uncertainty, what do we know?

venus exalted in pisces: omg a red flag? i love it

so a planet at home--like hyunjin's mars--is very comfy there, it's gonna manifest how the planet wants to manifest, it's very direct, it has a lot of responsibilities. a planet that is exalted is like a guest. hyunjin's venus does not have to wash the dishes--it's not gonna go through too many trials. it's just gonna vibe.

an exalted planet is very strong and obvious, even if it's not actually a resident of the house (a venus in libra or taurus is equally venus-y but is gonna have to deal with venus issues more often). this suuuper does not mean he doesn't have any issues with the planets' things, it's just that he brings venus energy (beauty, aesthetics, art, love, social things, pleasure) in a shiny bright uncomplicated "special guest" way. venus is gonna rebound more easily. like a moon at home in cancer has so much more emotional Drama than a moon exalted in taurus, u know?

in the neptune decan--extra pisces

sextile jupiter--a sextile is a talent, and jupiter blows it right up. jupiter in taurus makes it more practical and earthy--this is like, a talent for beauty, a talent for art. also people help him with stuff.

square pluto in sagittarius--romantically he is not what i would say... moderate? he can be obsessive and fixate on the idea of the perfect person. you know that pisces thing, that like, a red flag for my collection??? i love it!!! that

also he can be manipulative--with the pisces venus it's likely covert manipulation, like trying to shape the way he's seen or the way people react to him

biquintile leo north node (exact)--i think of the quintile series as the witchy one, it's like a talent, a potential, but obsessive, often witchy vibes too to me--like tapped into something. they aren't obvious or automatic, they have to be developed, like a sextile. for hyunjin this is a talent/obsession for art/music/beauty/aesthetics channeled through his north node--his soul progress through creativity, self expression and recognition

mercury in its fall in pisces conjunct royal star fomalhaut

wheewwww boy there is an exact conjunction between mercury and one of the 4 royal stars/4 archangels, fomalhaut.

if a planet is conjunct a royal star it's like a volt of power and talent--but also the potential for a fall (and it has to be really exact orbs to count, and hyunjin has a 0 which that'll do!). it's the "hand of god" uhhh as we have seen in several religious traditions, that is not always Good. i also have a royal star conjunction and tbh i feel like it's more past lifey--but it still resonates? royal stars always have super dramatic descriptions because they are Ye Olde, and i feel like the Drama is usually a past life thing, but the personality qualities echo in the current life.

fomalhaut is like super condensed neptune in a way. yassified pisces. poet, mystic, divine, liar, escapism, addiction. it's one of the "fame" royal stars too (regulus is the other one). artistic ability, unhinged from reality, potential for really great stuff or really shitty stuff.

like all royal stars a lot depends on if you stay right with god so to speak, u know, like if you don't have good intentions or stay ethical you're gonna get zeus zapped. but also you'll just get zeus zapped to Test Your Mettle for no reason because that's... also a royal star's whole thing. royal stars are a little like saturn to me in that you have to undergo trials-by-fire to access the gifts--in hyunjin's case a poetic, romantic communication ability (remember visual art and performance are also communication!) that can tap into higher level truths.

ironically fomalhaut conjunct mercury risks people lying about you, untrue communication--the traditional text says "worry through slander or damaged reputation." seems pretty on-the-nose but i swear to god that's what it means!

mercury in its fall

a planet in its fall is confused there and is gonna manifest in weird ways. imagine a virgo or gemini mercury--like zerobaseone hanbin. that's a communication style that really fuckin communicates, right? chatty chat chat with words, the works. mercury in its fall--hyunjin--is gonna learn how to communicate but not in the way mercury usually operates. gonna be more twisty turny, more vibes, more allegorical, more ghosting, more emotions. less chatty chat chat.

sidebar, i checked all of stray kids' mercuries to see if there was an example of a mercury at home and all those bitches have air mercuries and mostly libra!!! except 3--hyunjin pisces mercury, minho scorpio mercury, changbin (probable) cancer mercury. it's so beautiful. u can't make this shit up. no wonder these dummies all get along so well!!! so many libra mercuries they do NOT STEP ON TOES. NEGOTIATION.

sextile jupiter pluto--talent for Learning and Communications with Travel/Philosophy

neptune decan--extra pisces flavor!

based on hyunjin's chart shape (a bucket with the moon as its handle) his moon is gonna be very important but i can't talk about it because i don't know which one he's got!! same with his sun, either important at 29 or important at 0! ugh!! moving on!

mars at home in aries: all about the grindset

mars--survival instinct, drive, asserting himself--is at home in aries, so that's pretty good and strong. he's gonna assert himself in life by taking action--asking for what he wants, going after shit himself. he's suuuper motivated and it's honestly a little bit of a #riseandgrind. like you'd think it'd be capricorn mars, but capricorn mars has a lot more anxiety and aries is truly just here to GO GO GO.

mars is a survival impulse, and aries is baby being born--it's gonna defend its existence at all costs. when people are like ahh, aries mars, must have A TERRIBLE TEMPER, it's like mm.. ... not really? they will react very strongly when their identity or individual freedom is threatened tho.

in the jupiter decan, which gives it a little sag flavor--an I'm Right!!!! vibe

sesquisquare sag pluto (0 orb)--and he sure feels threatened sometimes!! there's a scorpio intensity to him sometimes, like he feels like time is running out? or like his accomplishments will be taken away from him if he doesn't keep #grinding

square nodes: i'm gonna talk about this later when i really get weird with the past life stuff, but safe to say learning how to assert himself and stay true to himself is part of his #journey

jupiter aspecting neptune and pisces venus: wifebeam

jupiter and saturn have the most aspects in hyunjin's chart--they have the most conversations. jupiter is also the traditional ruler of pisces, so hyunjin's pluto, chiron, mercury, venus and possibly sun are all either ruled or co-ruled by jupiter.

a lot of the time you'll see jupiter as like, oh it's lucky, it's exuberant, etc etc and that's true, but jupiter is also faith and belief, trying to find meaning, eat pray loving, also going to far-ing!! jupiter does not know when to quit!

jupiter in taurus believes in money, honey. i mean like. figuratively. unless.....? honestly it can be a #bigspender for real. it believes in beautiful things. it's super loyal. it loves to eat and touch things and wear things and see things. it has integrity. there's an unshakable sense of practicality here--like they're not gonna have a menty b because "there is no truth" or whatever.

conjunct saturn in taurus (weakly)-- freedom meets discipline, does not know what to do, then unites and prospers, gives him the drive to Achieve His Dreams

also people in power give him stuff and like him (omg donatella heyyyy)

sextile venus in pisces--people really like to help him in all situations, which is in itself a talent!! also he can connect artistic expression with belief pretty easily. also his venus qualities get a boost too.

square neptune (0 orb!!!): a square brings energy drive and action and also fights inside your brain a lot of the time--although a square with jupiter is less square-y and more like. light it up (bada's version). neptune--dreams, illusions, secrecy, art, spirituality--gets expanded in a big ole way. people get obsessed with him! no one knows who he is, let alone him! he never knows what is going on for 1 second! did you says something because he was surfing the intergalactic dreamscape, he couldn't hear you!

biquintile pluto, exact: damn girl are u tapped into the collective unconscious??? are you always a little destabilized??? also people are so obsessed with him (in a dark way as well as a passionate nice way) and will project their ideas of who he is onto him easy

square the nodes: COMING SOON

degrees and lunar nodes: damn your past lives are really bubbling under the surface there, huh??

pls forgive me while i get all wooooooo this is my special special interest ignore this if u are not interested in this part thank you for ur time

i love to look for an important degree, it's just a fave for me, but because we don't know whether his sun is at 29 or 0--all we know is that she's important. and like. duh, makes sense.

the other fun degree is his lunar nodes at 0. that soul path is strong! fresh! Leo-Aquarius--classic idol opposition. leo-aquarius, 5th-11th, 1st-7th too. obviously there are other things i've just seen this. so much.

with his leo north node, his soul wants him to strive forward and express himself creatively and not worry about rejection because it's all about shining! he probably has some aversion to his past life tendencies--especially his past life tendencies to be really scattered and remove himself rather than try to achieve something, so he'll really try to Achieve. Have Goal. but he still feels that aquarian need to be completely free, completely independent--he'll get close to someone and shy away, or test the person. but he needs to be admired to survive! so it's complicated.

his aquarius south node, or his past life stuff/personal tendencies are rooted in individuality, detached from humanity a lil bit, I'm Unique I'm Not Like the Other Girls, and there's a little like, preemptive removing himself from the world in order to try and protect himself.

ok brace urself now is when i'm gonna start getting weird with it.

aquarius south node often is like, past life trauma is in there too buddy. it's like, something big and terrible happened to society in one or multiple of your past lives, and that terrible thing fucked you up personally. tbh with his mars, jupiter and saturn squaring the nodes that is... also that.

a square to the nodes is sometimes called a missed step, it's like something that interrupted your soul's progress--and saturn she is Karmic. not in that you-did-bad way--that's neverrr what i mean by that, it's more like, your past lives Resonate like a guitar string. there might be something that happened in a past life you never processed, and it's gonna make you feel crazy. in karmic/evolutionary astrology the idea is that those things that made you crazy in past lives--themes will get repeated in early childhood, and it'll continue to follow you. so if in past lives you were abandoned by your family or lost your family, in your childhood you might experience rejection from a parent or perceive rejection from a parent. your soul is sensitive to that vibe.

ever react like absolute nutso for no good reason to something that seemed innocuous? that's karmic astrology babay. anyway a bunch of missteps mean we get to turn those south node and north nodes uno reverso same timo because hyunjin's soul has experienced some of each side in the past--the alienation of aquarius, the feeling of being someone special of leo.

pls forgive me for getting all whooooOooOOOo, i truly am robsessed with karmic astrology lately. this is more nuanced than i am saying and often the themes are not super literal and occur in multiple past lives. also without houses i can only see so much. ok u guys know i'm gonna continue to get weirder with it right? and you're okay with it because you're still reading this? cool cool cool let's do it.

what it LOOKS LIKE TO ME is the missed step is violence, possible violent death (mars and saturn shows that it's physical) because of belief or faith (jupiter) and power structures/societal conditioning/repression/judgement (saturn). mars in aries shows that it may have happened because he had the courage to act individually (and it didn't go down well). in taurus--issues of survival and resources.

so basically now past life trauma has prevented him moving out of survival mode and understanding his inherent worth (uranus and leo NN). saturn square nodes means judgment, dynamics of disappointment—familial or societal or just internalized generally--still try to hold hyunjin back.

the other big issue is around desire, anger, the instinctual will or survival, often it indicates past lives where he either didn't exert his will enough or where he did too much--with aquarius sn and neptune widely conjunct his sn it looks more like the first one.

neptune and the nodes gives a 12th house/pisces flavor--a past life experience of the loss of self or sacrifice the identity. jupiter shows a crisis of faith or understanding or belief. saturn means his saturn return is gonna be really important bud!! april 2028 save the date!!!

sidebar--lots of stuff happens in life and there are a lot of past lives, so lots of people will have past life trauma signatures. not surprising!! they're gonna be there unless you or ur past life version really worked to untangle. it's helpful to know about them so you can address the real soul security needs (represented by pluto and its house placement).

if you have particularly loud past life trauma signatures--which hyunjin does--it mostly means that your soul has been a little fractured in past lives and dealing with that trauma is essential in this life--and with hyunjin's north node in leo, "return to the self", it's really clear that's what he's meant to do--channel his feelings and experiences of self-assertion, belief and judgment/maturation through his leo north node: creative self expression.

also he maybe should find a way to examine the whole...past life violent tragedy thing... idk. i got at mine with emdr therapy so, recommend?

u thought i already got weird... now i'm getting even weirder!!!

i checked planetary nodes--if one is conjunct something in your chart (usually just outer planet nodes) something important societally will also be important there for you. you have the ability to tap into something significant for humanity in whatever way that happens--sometimes this is in a wider "fame" context, sometimes it's not.

hyunjin's mars is exactly conjunct chiron's south node--history of wounding. the way he asserts himself and survives/drives himself through life reflects society's deep wounds about self-assertion and identity (aries)

hyunjin's south node is conjunct saturn's south node--his past life foundation taps into the ways society sucked in the past basically lol, like societal judgment or hierarchies, that kind of thing

his natal chiron is conjunct uranus's south node--accesses societal transformation and change--and you can think of uranus as like... yassified mercury? yassified mercury hit by lightning? anyway, his internal wounds align with something societal about how humans understand ourselves and how we try to change.

this guy has a loooot of karmic stuff!!! damn bro!

basically if his art looks really dark, this is a lot of the reason why. he's processing a lot of soul shit! it's what he's supposed to be doing in this life so it's chill.

i really went off the rails there huh. WELL. what can ya do!!!

in conclusion, without any further information he deeply seems like a virgo moon and a pisces sun to me. soul personality/security needs of like, obsessively striving for perfection and criticizing everything to survive FULL of anxiety if he's not careful (virgo); sun/purpose, self of connecting with higher truth, dreams, illusions, Art, being so sensy (pisces) (but with the virgo moon not wild about actually being vulnerable and more likely to disappear into the west [his bedroom] for 12 hours).

without houses etc his big players look like:

venus

leo NN aquarius SN

jupiter

mercury

saturn

thank you for ur time!!! i'm tired now lol

[the-black-bulls]

Blog update

Well, I (Cyrooo) will be going through a semi-hiatus. I'll be inactive on social media for a while because I want to focus more on myself both in real life and online. I may be more active on my OG account, which I may share later. Moderating this blog is actually pretty easy, so the daily quotes will not stop and I still plan to drop more weekly polls. My Inbox and messages will remain open for now, but I'll likely turn them off later.

Below is an apology and a bit of clarification about myself.

Well first I want to apologize to everyone from here, discord or twitter who messaged me, chatted with me, or tagged me. Especially during the last two months. I ended up making you guys deal with my slow responses or straight up left you hanged. I feel a bit shitty saying this because I'm luckier than plenty of people in the world, but I've been going through a low phase in my life that started years ago and just kept on going unfixed, to the point that I started going through low-term depression episodes every other week now. I'm definitely better than before, but I wish I've realized much earlier that this is where I'm supposed to stop, take a break, and work on recovering rather than pushing forward, but I guess it's better late than never.

I like this blog, I like talking to people, I like being involved in fandom spaces even when I'm not really THAT involved to begin with, so the idea of dropping all of this for a break don't sit well with me. I wish it did, because it became clear to me that I'm dragging a lot of friends and moots into my problems. You guys are awesome. I'm sorry it has taking me too long to clear myself, and I'm grateful for your patience and consideration.

I appreciate you all. I appreciate my followers, too. Please stay safe, take care, and keep supporting Palestine 🤍

[nyoomerr]

Do you have any tips for finishing works and getting enough confidence to post them?

sure! just keep in mind that these are tips from my single perspective, and everyone's creative processes are different, etc etc all the usual disclaimers 🙈

↓↓ all advice under the readmore cuz it got pretty lengthy ↓↓

for finishing works, you'll probably have to start by identifying why you don't feel like continuing a particular WIP.

is it a time/energy thing? make sure you're staying physically healthy (good food, keeping hydrated, moderate exercise) and that you aren't forcing yourself to sit down and write at the end of a long day when you've already spent all your mental energy elsewhere. this is one of the lamest points of advice on the whole list but i am being so serious about it.

is it a lack of inspiration? try talking about the fic with a friend, using prompt generators, or thinking back to what originally inspired the fic to begin with. if you started writing the fic for One Specific Scene, go write that scene, regardless of how far out you are from it chronologically! you can always revise or rewrite it later if it turns out that the in-between scenes change some of the context or flow.

is it that you're struggling to get a scene written just right? skip past it and come back later, maybe leaving just a quick one or two line summary of what you want to happen in that scene so you don't forget later. if you can't skip past it, then tell yourself "okay, i'm going to rewrite this later," before trying to write it - if you have already decided that this will not be your final draft, then it can help you feel less hesitant to put imperfect words down.

for gathering the confidence to post a work, it's a bit more tricky...

i think most people want to post things because they want to receive external validation on it... so so valid and relatable 🤝 BUT this motivation makes it hard to actually shut out the factors that can cause nerves (i.e., advice like "turn off comments if you're worried about receiving criticism" is useless, because then you also don't get the positive comments you likely wanted in the first place).

one strategy you could try is starting with a small audience first - just send it to a friend you know will be your hypeman. if you're feeling more bold, you can try sharing it with a discord server or group chat - essentially, narrowing the audience down to people that you know will be supportive of your work, no matter what.

if sharing the fic with your friends actually sounds like the Worst Case Scenario, then i'd instead recommend posting it to an anon collection! if you end up not being happy with the response to the fic, you can pretend it was never yours to begin with - there's no shame in using the anon tool as it was meant to be used. if you end up feeling really proud of the work after the nerves have passed, you can always de-anon it later to tie it back to you!

regardless of how or who you share it with though, my top recommendation is that you sit down and identify every little thing that you're proud of in your work before you post it. write these things out so you don't forget! the people who are going to read your work will not have the same tastes, experiences, and desires that you personally had when you sat down to write the fic to begin with. if they don't like parts of it, it does NOT mean those parts are bad - it just wasn't for them personally!

that can be hard to remember when you're getting feedback, though, which is why it's important to have those things that YOU like about your work written down so you can go take a look at them to remind yourself.

if you try posting a work and afterwards go "oh, that isn't for me, i'd rather just create for myself personally," then that's totally chill! what would be tragic is if you posted a work and then felt so shitty after the fact that it tainted your enjoyment of the creation process itself. that's why, no matter what, please remember that you wrote this fic for yourself, and hold on to the things that you like about it!!

anyway that got pretty rambly but TLDR: 1) figure out why you're having trouble finishing your WIP and tackle that reason instead of blindly pushing yourself forward 2) ease yourself into posting in whatever way is least intimidating for you, no need to jump straight to having an AO3 profile linked to your writing 3) no matter what, make sure you remember the things that you personally enjoy about what you made, and celebrate those things!

[not-poignant]

Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing? with the understanding that no advice is universal of course

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

So I have a ton of stuff in the Pia on Writing tag that goes into a lot of detail but (with the caveat to ignore anything that doesn't work for you):

Learn to love your mistakes, because you must make a lot of them to get good at writing, so if you hold back because you're worried about your writing being bad, your shooting yourself in the foot. Your writing HAS to be bad for it to get better. Or: You need manure/shit (bad writing) to grow a really good garden (good writing). You want a good garden? Start shoveling the shit in, lol.

Clever marketing won't solve not putting the hours in to hone your craft.

In fanfiction, make sure it's fun. That doesn't mean it can't be hard sometimes, that you can't dread editing sometimes or drafting, that you can't have sadder times, but make sure that the overall net is always positive. Otherwise, take a break.

In professional writing, learn how to stop waiting for inspiration to strike, and learn to turn up on that dance floor on your own. Inspiration is a fickle dance partner, it often won't turn up unless you develop the discipline to turn up first.

Sometimes the writing you absolutely slog through that feels stilted and bad is some of your best writing. Just because it feels clunky when you're writing, doesn't mean it reads clunky. Just because it feels smooth when you're writing, doesn't mean it reads smooth. Your emotional state at the time of writing does not determine the quality of writing. Feeling good while you're writing =/= good writing. Likewise feeling bad while writing =/= bad writing.

You do not need a daily habit to be good at writing. Develop one if you want one, but personally I don't have one and I'm super happy that way. Take your weekends, have your leisure time, goddamn it, don't be a terrible boss to yourself.

Writing can be both lonely and exhausting - make some non-douchey writer friends (or artist or creative friends), and make sure you take breaks. Because writing is so cerebral, you'd be surprised how much physical activity can help with recovery, like stretching, gentle walks, workouts, etc.

Eat brain food. Snacking during writing is actually normal. I have nuts on hand for protein boosts, but I'll also eat chocolate or snack on quick energy boosts.

Stay hydrated.

Ignore any writing advice that goes 'you must do this in order to be a writer' or 'you have to do this one thing to be successful.' They're wrong. There is no one-true-path in writing with the exception that you do have to write in order to like...be a writer, imho.

You are going to want to compare yourself to others, but be very aware of who you're comparing yourself to. If you're new, why are you comparing yourself to someone with 10-20 years of experience? If you're disabled and fatigued, why are you comparing yourself to able-bodied writers? Stop competing with people outside of your metaphorical weight class, they're not your competition. I'm not going to tell you not to compare yourself to others, but be very careful of how you compare yourself to others. I've had new writers be like 'I could never do your wordcounts (so I'm not as good of a writer)' and like, no friend, neither could I 10 years ago. This is literally a decade of hard work and practice. Some skills really just come with time. (Also most writers are more successful after writing less words than me so y'know lol).

If you get shitty comments/critiques, remind yourself that if you wouldn't take personal advice from a complete stranger like this (and you wouldn't), then their shitty comments/critiques aren't worth your time either.

On AO3, the delete, block, moderate comments function and mute buttons are all free. USE THEM. Don't bother giving haters airtime on your fics. Elsewhere on the internet, as much as you can, try and ignore review sites. Like seriously.

Learn your writing style. Practice planning, plantsing and pantsing! Practice writing one thing or more than one thing at a time. Practice different genres. You might be surprised at what fits you as a person! Think of it like being a musician, you're not trying to be a band that already exists, you're trying to be your band and you're trying to find your sound.

You're probably very good at noticing your weaknesses, get good at noticing your strengths, and use those to shore up the places where you're still building skills.

Do writing prompts. I cannot stress this enough, but learn how to write settings. Describe the dialogue of a friend. Write a character dossier on a television character. Practice worldbuilding, practice character building.

Fill the well. Read broadly across many genres. Watch many different types of media. Listen to many audiobooks. The best way to not sound derivative of a particular order is to saturate yourself with inspiration from hundreds of different places.

That's probably enough! dklsjfdas

~

From this meme!

[gender-trash]

okay i AM going to turn reblogs off for this one --

i think we need to talk more about the collective trauma of being part of an online community that a different online community is directing coordinated, nonstop harassment towards. this is the part of the post i am so close to deleting or leaving in the drafts, because i'm (still!) anticipating anon asks like, how dare YOU, an asexual, compare YOUR experience to that of REAL queer people -- and i have no experience of being a transfeminine person on tumblr but i get the impression it is way way worse than aphobia was at its height. but like -- the experience of having your queer subcommunity harassed sucks! hardcore sucks! and has a variety of shitty knock-on effects on the health of the community! and i wanna commiserate with other people who've had that experience!

(also, i can't stand the sj "how dare you compare bad thing A to bad thing B when B is clearly much worse" rhetorical move. sometimes bad things are bad in similar ways and it's useful to talk about that similarity without necessarily making any claims about relative severity.)

i also think we need better tools and mental models for thinking of harassment as not just a one-to-one relationship, but a many-to-many relationship -- "moderation" as a concept seems to exclusively deal with individual posts or at best individual accounts, when, like. the social graph exists; clustering algorithms exist; i don't trust their reliability enough to want to bring down the website banhammer on anyone in a particular cluster, but i would absolutely fucking love a "block this blog and everyone within three degrees of separation of them" button. or something along those lines -- hey, i'm just spitballing here. a mental model of bad actors on a website as not just individual bad actors, but badly-acting communities with internal dynamics.

in every community of recreational bullies i've ever closely observed on tumblr (terfs, truscum, aphobes, various flavors of shipping drama), the following dynamics are present:

members of the community socially reward other members for engaging in harassment, and encourage new members to engage in harassment

members of the community screenshot and pass around often-equally-rude responses from the people they're harassing, as "proof" that these people are Incredibly Harmful and therefore the harassment is Morally Good, even Important, and that the harassing community are actually embattled victims valiantly fighting the oppressor

usually an Opposition Community forms, with the mission of harassing the bully community and exactly the same group dynamics, and the "original" bullies + opposition bullies become a self-sustaining feedback loop of harassment, because each group is constantly giving the other one more material to pass around and rile themselves up with

each community forms an incredibly specific and characteristic dialect of shorthand language that updates frequently as the community they're harassing gets wise and starts blacklisting keywords (when i was most recently on a terf blocking spree, "febfem", "TiM", and "moid" were big ones). engaged community members rapidly become unable to interact with anyone who is not Very Online, isolating them so that the community is now their main social circle

eventually the community comes up with some chain of reasoning, no matter how strained, for calling the objects of their hatred pedophiles

occasionally someone in the community will actually Go Too Far and bring down the banhammer on themselves. they remake their blog within days or weeks (due to the profit incentives of running a social media website, users are sucked into becoming hopelessly addicted -- especially users who are in so deep that they can no longer figure out how talk to people who aren't up on the Incredibly Specific Group Vocabulary). they are promptly passed around as a martyr

you'll notice that the main forces that keep the feedback loop going are a feeling of victimization -- if you feel like you're a righteous, oppressed victim, then you can justify little a death threat as a treat against the evil outgroup who is oppressing you, right? -- a community that rewards its members socially both for harassing others and for being harassed, and isolationist tendencies that make it difficult for community members to get social reward anywhere other than within the community.

it seems that, if you want to be able to deal with a group like this, you need to have some strategy for countering those forces -- whereas conventional moderation efforts mostly feed into the victimization mindset. maybe you need to somehow wall off the harassing community and the responding opposition harassers from each other, so that as far as each group is concerned the other one doesn't exist. maybe you need better tools so users with the characteristics that the harassing community targets can block the entire harassing community all at once. i don't actually know! but i doubt we're going to get anywhere without at least a basic understanding of system dynamics!!

[theoxenfree]

good morning

I've felt like shit about myself the past few days, but today I woke up feeling pretty grateful for how far I've come since my 20s when I felt I had no way out of struggle and suffering.

I'm still not doing phenomenally in life: still struggling financially at times, no actual career, shouldering debt from my 20s, still living in a pretty shitty area

but, these days, my mental health is a lot more consistent as are my moods, I am not so financially devastated where I can't afford to do things I want to (in very controlled moderation), and I'm able to live completely on my own (THEE ultimate peace)

so, today, I'm just content

and I'm sure in a year or two, I'll be someplace better

[sophieinwonderland]

Wishing for anti-endos to loose all their friends and spaces and to be ostracized does not help pro-endos. It makes anti-endos even more set in their beliefs. It makes people who are on the fence go "yikes, I guess the anti-endos are right". I'm firmly pro-endo and your recent post makes me want to take some distance. This isn't how we gain allies.

I know, these people suck. I know, it hurts to constantly be excluded and hated for the way our brains work or the reason why they work that way. I know, many anti-endos are too far gone and aren't people that you or I can reason with unless they decide to unpack their shitty beliefs.

But posts threatening them is not the way to go. They already see us as the enemy. We don't need to add fuel to the fire. Let's make sure people who are on the fence or who don't know much about non-traumagenic systems see us acting in ways that make them want to listen to our side instead of the fakeclaimers. Let's make sure anti-endos who are starting to rethink their beliefs feel like it's safe for them to do so and to start listening to pro-endos.

I'm sure this post is gonna get lots of interaction. But if it makes people less likely to read your studies, to listen to your arguments, to hear out the systems messaging you about their experiences? That's all for nothing.

I... actually think adding fuel to a fire can be useful sometimes. As long as you can keep it a controlled burn.

I'm counting on most anti-endos on Tumblr who would be scrolling through the syscourse tag already having me blocked. They won't see my post.

I'm counting on neutrals probably not following my blog or the syscourse tag either one. And most of those that do follow syscourse have already made their minds up about me.

I made that post for a very specific audience. One that doesn't actually need anyone to fuel its fire because they've built an entire community on seeking out systems to mock and attack. They already cherry pick the worst posts they can find to keep their friend group indoctrinated. So adding one more to the pile shouldn't matter to that specific group.

I don't think anything I say is actually going to make them hate the endogenic community more than they already do because they're surrounded constantly by people who will always reinforce that very generalized hate.

But I do think I can direct that hate they already have. Focus it as much as possible on one specific person. Me.

And the more they see me as a threat, (whether or not I am,) the more hateful they respond to me, the more their community will crack.

Users will be more likely to break their rules, making moderation in their subreddit more difficult for the unpaid mod team who will hopefully start rethinking how much of their life they want to dedicate to a hatesub moderating an angry userbase with nothing to show for it.

And while a slim hope, I'm waiting for them to be pushed far enough for Reddit to ban the whole subreddit.

So yeah. I don’t mind tossing as much fuel on the fire as possible if there's a chance their ableist hatesub burns.

Besides... I'm not actually saying anything untrue.

Plurality IS going to become more accepted. They ARE losing the scientific argument. And anti-endos and cringizens WILL lose friends and community support as plural acceptance spreads unless they're willing to change. A safe space for endogenic systems can never be one that houses anti-endos.

This is not a threat. This is a promise. It's a natural result of progress. And I'll do my part to accelerate this. But it's going to happen with or without my involvement.

I'm just making sure that when it does and they go looking for someone to blame because things have gone bad in their lives and their bigotry caught up with them, they'll direct their anger toward me instead of anyone else.

(Although maybe they can direct it inwards too since, you know, it was their fault for being bigots. But I think that would be too much to ask for.)

[pseudowho]

hi Haitch, its relationship anon again 🤡🫶🏻

Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your kindness and advice! You’re helping me stay level headed here and not become delusional.

Okay now onto the tea-

Following last week’s little club moment, things went (briefly) downhill. I decided to be an adult and take a break from the female friend that I mentioned in the last update. She proceeded to go around our workplace and tell EVERYONE, including one of our managers, that I was mad at her. I was trying really hard to involve everyone else in my business and it really upset me that she did this. In addition to that, I had to take my sister to the ER on Monday and had an incredibly difficult cardiac test on Tuesday, so a bitch was going through it.

When I got out of my clinical on Wednesday, I was exhausted but I really wanted to see my male friend before he left. Was I exhausted both emotionally and physically? Yes. Had I been running around trying to help one patient with Afib and another who needed a midline placement ? Uh huh. A girl just needed some ice cream and to hang out with her favorite a loser.

So, I asked him if he wanted to get ice cream and he said yes :). I showered and put on the most causal outfit possible. My sister asked if I was goin to get more dress up to which I was like “no I just off a 12 hour shift, he should be happy I’m even leaving the house.”.

Anyways! We didn’t end up doing ice cream bc I was nervous, but we instead went out to get drinks with one of our other male friends. I didn’t have to be DD so I was able to actually get somewhat drunk (which was super needed after this week) and my loser was taking care of me. Our other friend kept making excuses to get up and walk away from our table so just the two of us could talk.

Some highlights:

•He was teasing me about falling at work. When I asked him how he knew, he said “I ask about you, duh”

•The way we were sitting, our legs were pressed up against each other. If he moved his legs, he’d still find away to make sure they were touching mine.

•I was showing him my Choso costume and he said “oh you’d look so good in that” and told me he’s going to try to come down for Halloween. I told him that if he came down, I’d dress up as Yuki so he can be Choso. He told me that I wasn’t allowed to show him my sexy Choso costume and then not wear it for him.

•Told me he wanted me to come visit him when I have time off from school, but he understood if I can’t.

•I was talking about cigarettes after sex and he said he knew maybe one song. I got all excited (drunk) and asked him which one. He looked at me and told me it was the one on his sex playlist and then said he was sad that I didn’t save his playlist. I told him I’d save his if he’d save mine.

•I showed our friend a shirt that said “don’t let my big tits scare you, I’m actually a nice person” and I said that I want it, but mine would have to do say moderately sized. My loser said “oh they’re more than moderately sized” (thank you for noticing 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️)

•He was taking really good care of me and was constantly asking me how I was feeling.

•We decided it was a good idea to look up nsfw anime figures and I was pretty much leaning on him as he showed me them and we kept reading each other about them.

•When we were leaving, we hugged for a hot minute and he told me to text him as soon as I got home. When I did, we talked for a bit, but he told me that I really needed to get some sleep.

Nothing too crazy happened, but I’m still calling this a somewhat success! I didn’t get my back blown out but I think I’ll survive 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Okay. It's clear. You don't need this tacky 'friend' in your life at all. They're a whole bucket of shit. You're undoubtedly younger than me, but I assure you, in just a few short years you, too, will be ruthless about cutting out shitty people like this from your life.

At this point, Relationship Anon, you and this guy are two dolls that I'm floating towards each other, and I'm about to make you kiss.

He has a more than moderately sized boner for you.

He want you.

*spinning like a fucking top here*

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[gentleoverdrive]

[September/1 of 3] Just... really tired.

I guess it only took 1 moderately shitty month to finally break me, but it happened. August started with my toilets needing to be replaced and it ended with my most beautiful boi passing away and one of the people who have provided me with a roof many, many times during my stays in Texas needing surgery or they might die. Well, no: My August actually ended with some careless dipshit t-boning us while he was busy staring at his fucking cellphones. Yes, the wife and I both are physically OK, but I must confess: I feel like such a lightweight, depressed coward right now.    All my big talk in the past about walking tall and trying to be better in general, of “being there” for people, but I let 6 or 7 things go wrong in a month and I'm ready to throw the fucking towel. I've spent all of last weekend and most of this week so far staring at the ceiling of our room (got the week off work due to the accident) and realizing how powerless I feel.     And I tried to fight back against the hopelessness, cheese fucking knows I tried. Writing. Composing. Shit, I even tried to proofread something that was due in the editorial job, but I couldn't do it. My therapist thinks the t-boning accident might have given me PTSD, but honestly, I think I felt much more overwhelmed and in despair when my doggo passed away and I drove like 90 minutes to give him a proper burial (he passed away peacefully, surrounded by us, his partner & daughter, thanks to the vet and her medication plus a small procedure to relieve him of some of his pain due to gases).    I've jokingly mentioned to some of my online friends that I am so glad that August is over... but honestly? I don't fucking know what to make of myself after the dust settled and I had gotten discharged from the hospital on Friday (the accident happened on Thursday morning).    I wasn't even seriously wounded! All that happened was a shard of glass had gotten superficially lodged into my right knee. They took the glass out in like 10 seconds and gave me like 3 stitches and I was fine. I didn't even require anesthesia. My wife got a slight cut on her forehead. The doctor even jokingly said that I'm just "built different". Neither of the X-Rays showed anything.    But I'm still writing this whole thing and just... overwhelmed by grief, sadness and I don't know what the fuck else. Is it because of my dog, for my relative prepared to go under the knife, or is it for the stupid things that needed to get fixed around my house? Or is it just an accumulation of decades of telling myself "It's probably fine" and just... never getting around to addressing that whole noise?    And... yeah, there you go. Around 500 words about an old man having a big sad. Toodles.