#i feel like this isnt very eloquent and might not make much sense

[echo-rambles]

thinking about how just a few years ago hyunjin was so adamant on how he barely ever left his room, talking about how he hardly ever hung out in the public spaces of their dorm. but once him and changbin moved in together, just the two of them, he sent us messages telling us about how he was spending more time in the living room and how happy he was...

something something hyunjin never fully feeling like the dorm was his space, folding into himself like a true introvert, waiting for changbin to come to him. but now he has space that's just for him and changbin and no one else. it's his couch and his kitchen table and his rugs that he picked out himself, it's all his. a place that he's curated for both of them so specifically.

changbin no longer has to go looking for him because he doesn't shut himself away anymore.

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[tx-thoughts]

before i start this i am SCREAMING at taehyun's juno oh my god

An estimation and evaluation of Kang Taehyuns chart

-aqua sun, scorp moon. he's truly an ambitious person and he's always keeping it 100% real, maybe even to the point of being incredibly blunt. once he has his mind set to something he is GOING to do it, and you bet that he's going to find an unconventional but clever way to do it better than anyone else. honestly can be a little mean depending on his other placements 💀💀 but definitely very respectful and sweet to the people he feels deserve it. knows how to put himself first(as anyone should!) and is always striving for a personal happiness.

-gemini rising. the reason i think taehyun is a gemini rising is because he has a smart and witty exterior, and the way he socializes with those around him is always Observant at first and then he acts accordingly. this combines with his scorpio moon- he knows how to talk to people and get on their good side easily. tends to talk with his hands a little. and though he isnt talkative like a gem rising usually is (though, not all of them are) he definitely has the wit for it. gem risings are generally good at most things they do, and have a quick mind thats always in gear.

now before we talk about any other planets i just wanna point out that tyun's venus, mc, sun, lilith, uranus and one more asteroid are OPPOSITE juno which most likely signifies a wildly complicated or non existent love life 💀💀💀 not that its impossible but he's got a lot of other priorities over love. Nothing wrong with that! But if you wanted to know why it took me so long to do his chart this is why bc it nearly gave me an aneurysm every time i so much as thought about it.

-merc in cap in the 9th house. ive read that these people like to "compartmentalize" things. theyre also pretty careful thinkers and eloquent speakers too. people greatly recognize them for their poised and collected way of talking and they usually dont seem to frayed by anything. hes usually feeding his thirst for knowledge too in any way that he can !

-venus in aquarius in the 10th house. truly..... does not care for romance lol. in facts hes probably really cold about his love life and prefers to keep it that way. the fact that its in aquarius too is wild because venus in aquarius ppl strike me as people who cant really be "tied down." i feel like romantic commitment just kinda scares them? imo. and then its right next to his lilith meaning that he probably has a lot to learn about relationships in general. not just with lovers, but i feel like with friends and family he tends to act a bit cold without meaning to and i think thats really just his natural disposition lol. but the fact that his venus is opposite juno makes me believe that he struggles to find out what he wants and how to act in a relationship for a super long time. it might be a karma thing for him

mars in aries in the 11th house. WOW okay so when hes angry youll know it. he might be prone to short and quick bursts of temper if u push him and im sure that hes pretty sharp with his words. but i don't think his anger lasts for long. he can also be pretty passionate about things he cares for a lot. its in his 11th house so hes seen as a super capable person with talent, and he might thrive a bit off knowing that hes made someone happy like i feel that he might be a people pleaser even when he doesnt quite show it.

jupiter in cancer in 2nd house. everyone is pretty aware of how talented he is and this aspect just highlights that. this placement might give him a lucky streak in life, and i think bc its in the 2nd house it signifies great wealth and fortune

saturn in gemini in the 12th house has a good sense of direction and a very good leader. because its in gemini he knows how to bring out better qualities in other people and he knows how to communicate with his team. very smart! but also might focus on waayy too many things at a time and it might leave him a little scatterbrained from time to time. he might feel a little reserved when expressing hightened emotion, especially if its positive, so hes good at containing himself. now because its in his 12th house im... a little concerned? taehyun might need a hug

neptune in aquarius in the 9th house. doesnt really favor being contained. needs freedom or else he'll be unhappy. tries to make sense of a lot of things, so it frustrated him when he cant quite comprehend how things exactly work

uranus in 10th house in pisces ppl are sorta off in their own little world sometimes. like hes really usually stuck in his own thoughts. hes most likely to daydream a lot.

pluto in sag in the 7th house. good at problem solving. adventurous. exciting as a person in general. and since pluto is in his 7th house, forging relationships might be difficult for him. also i think he might have a thing fir scorpio dominant ppl

[azure-steel]

What brought Nemain to this blog? : So many things! 1.) Your writing is eloquent, and does his character justic. For a character like Cloud, who for the most part isnt much of a speaker, descriptive and often times intercontemplative writing helps him to feel real, consistent -even with his quirks- especially when Canon divergence is present. You do this so well. 2.) Dedication. Because of the last reason, it was instantly clear that you are a longtime fan. And for FF7 [which has been a life long obsession of mine heh] Cannon and divergent RPs, I personally prefer people who have some background and understanding. I guess I would have to say I lean toward passionate fans when looking for co-writers. Simply because I have been writing as Seph for 12ish years, and he is my most influential muse in/out of rp... SO A CLOUD IS VERY IMPORTANT TO HAVE 3.) Your beautiful personality, honestly, seeing you buzz around other blogs before I followed you.... was a treat. And I was very shyly ogling your writing from afar because i was a bit intimidated by your talent, but it was you (ooc post-wise) that made me realize we just might click as muns and all would be swell. <3

what about my portrayal attracted you to my blog? if you would like to be more specific – what made you stay?

Nemain!! 

Nemain, omfg I have no idea where I’m supposed to start with this... you made me cry, AGAIN ;A;

I’ll respond to this via the list, like you have: 1) Cloud is a man of very few words, and those he does speak are rarely anything positive in a sense. I will admit that I’ve taken some artistic liberties with how I deliver my portrayal considering his general demeanour and how he interacts with the world and the people around him. So I suppose that can make my version of Strifey a little canon divergent in that sense. But yes, a lot of my rp’s usually centre around his thought processes and his actions as opposed to him speaking given that very fact that, well... he ain’t much of a talker, but honestly that actually works so well for me and the style I use for roleplay. My favourite part of the development of a thread is establishing how muse is feeling, building the world around them and such, So Cloud, I feel sorta suits me that way. It makes me so SO happy that you enjoy my writing though, because in actual fact I found Cloud quite difficult to adapt into a muse, which I will explain further in the next bit 

2) Hahaha, yes, I am a long long loooooooong time fan of FFVII. It is my favourite game of the franchise even though it wasn’t the first that I played, it’s the one that really stuck with me. I’ve been madly in love with Cloud since he was made of blocks, bless him~ That being said however, I am actually relatively new to the FF RPC, regardless that I first played Final Fantasy VII about 20 years ago (showing my age here a lil bit lol! Just so you know, I’m OLDER THAN DIRT) Playing the remake is what prompted me into making Cloud into a muse, although I wasn’t even half way through the remake when I created the blog. And, I admit, I floundered... A LOT initially, because I’d forgotten a lot of the lore from the OG, hadn’t seen Advent Children in YEARS and hadn’t even finished the latest version of the game. So I was here just making shit up hoping against hope that it would just come back to me. A lot of my first days here were just me screaming I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING xD I ended up doing research for rp’s, looking up locations, character profiles and such just to remind myself of things and try and make myself fit into the RPC that already seemed so established already. I felt like a bit of an outsider for a while, but I kept trying and eventually Cloud became less of a stranger to me and he started to develop almost independently with every thread I worked on. Of course the longer I hung on to my dwindling hope that I could write Cloud well, the more I started to remember and I started to be able to relate more to my muse and to others. I know that it took us a while to really interact, and that first interaction was an OOC instance, but I’m so glad we left it that long because of the reasons stated above, lol. 

3) This is possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. You know I adore you right...? The fact that you were eyeing up MY writing fills me with so much joy, because, honey, the way you put Sephiroth into words is, in short, absolutely extraordinary. There’s no words I can use to describe how your writing makes me feel. I physically gasp and weep at your replies to Cloud, like you don’t even know. So I’ve no idea why you felt intimidated by my writing ability when you are just so much more superior in every way shape and form. And I’m not saying that as a disservice to myself. You really are so freaking talented, just... out of this world man. So good in fact that I’ve actually shown RL friends of mine your writing and they were just as blown away as I am each and every time I’m gifted with your amazing talents. And yeah, hahaha, we get on pretty well right? You should probably know that I am a massive dweeb IRL (ask @primalvessel who can defo verify this as fact) and I’m always so happy to see you in my IM’s. But you know this already~ <3

But I thank you, so so much for this, from the very bottom of my heart. You’ve no idea how happy you’ve made me today. I adore you, your writing, your muse. Just... all of it~

[sagittariusboyfriend]

im gonna do a "how i see the signs" as well!!

traditionally masculine aries: a force of creativity. oftentimes politically correct. very friendly and easy to talk to, but will shift in temper and energy depending on whether or not he is in focus. musically inclined.

traditionally feminine aries: also a force of creativity. a kind of jittery energy that cant really be contained. might go up and down in volume a lot depending on social context but is always bursting to have a conversation. very awake and with fire in her eyes. openminded and wouldnt hurt a fly. artistically inclined.

trad. masc taurus: ugh horrible. forcefully straight forward, blunt in an unsensitive way, not that good at picking up on social cues because he is convinced of his reality. might be pompous and pretentious, even bitter. the flip side of venusian traits - pretty uncharming. snarky. way better at group/professional relationships than personal relationships. assertive in the workplace and is doing his job better than anyone else could.

trad. fem taurus: intelligent and an intellectual. sensual, assertive, has such a presence that people are in awe most of the time. might be pretentious but its actually genuine and doesnt come off as a negative trait. powerful.

trad. masc gemini: ahh gemini. witty, quick, reactive. genuine, but in short bursts. his intuition is based upon HOW he feels at any given moment, however he has no clue WHAT he feels. scared of emotions. might have a tendency to gaslight. obviously prone to communication and loves learning from history, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture over the details. small things make or break him... for a week or so. then its forgotten, until something stirs it up 6 months later, and his emotions are all over the place; its like they get tossed up in the air and love might stick to the ceiling and pride to the wall and fear to that person over there and he has no idea where to start to assemble. charmingly childish, prone to grumpyness. social artisan regardless of controversial values or not. needs constant intellectual stimuli.

trad. fem gemini: does not need romantic relationships to feel like a complete person! prefers friendships over love relationships, and can usually pick and choose between lovers if on a romantic whim. not always even interested in shacking up with anyone, makes a happy independent single household. that "fun" friend. self-confident, quick, witty, might have a sharp tongue. absolutely excels in social situations and knows everyone in one way or another, and everyone knows of her in one way or another. prone to ghosting people for weeks because she simply forgets to respond. loses focus easily. probably works in sales. might come across as not so complex to other people.

trad. masc cancer: sweet, charming in a wholesome way. in tune with himself. intuitive and embraces and encourages talking about feelings. oftentimes very politically correct. might live somewhat of a fake life in the sense that he IS a family man, but cant help himself from wanting dirty, promiscuous sex for many hours with many random people. giving and generous - in every sense. probably does a lot of philantrophy or volonteers.

trad. fem cancer: reserved. exudes feminine energy, almost to a point that she is not comfortable with herself. very very sweet, just wants everyone to be okay. will disappear and reappear in social circles and no one will know where she has been, but theres an air of mystery to it and no one dares to ask. might be some kind of red preistess lol.

trad. masc leo: loyal, as long as he doesnt feel in the slightest that he has been made a fool of. very strong integrity, but an integrity that is based on image. easily approached, the nicest person in the room and will include and respect everyone. generous and genuinely loves anyone who does not come off as harmful, and will give you his last money if he feels you need it more. works hard to feel safe. creative in what he thinks is a funky way, but its actually pretty mainstream.

trad. fem leo: also honest, hard-working and loyal. integrity is also important. creative in traditionally artistic ways, like photography or drawing. has a natural authority but is the sweetest person and will NOT abuse it. very passionate about peoples equal value, doesnt really have a flare for drama at all, just wants to be stimulated. when she loves she loves with every fiber of her being and being affirmed by her partner is imperative to self-worth.

trad. masc virgo: retains information like a motherfucker! man, what a chattery bloke. an earth sign ruled by mercury makes the most, i think, well-rounded PR personality. gemini can frick off when it comes to arguments because trad. masc virgo WILL shut you down. he serves facts and will probably be a tad manipulative about it, but will also admit to it. doesnt really wait to run you over or quip back, and then just stares at you blankly as if he is waiting for a response. witty and warm like a sun to his closest, will make jabs and is cold like granite to people he doesnt like. might however have some ego issues.

trad. fem virgo: pretty much exactly like trad. masc virgo, only retains a certain jovial energy and a strong sense of nurturing and dicipline. very funny! authoritarian.

trad. masc libra: might come across as very calm and even meek at times. everyone likes him, no one dislikes him, but he isnt a big personality. nice and sweet and always positive. comfortable in the background as the glue that keeps groups together. not very verbally communicative, but ingenious when he channels his communication through music or art. wants to be appreciated and very much is. pretty private, but everyones friend.

trad. fem libra: full of the good venusian traits. loves love, loves good food, loves yoga, loves pampering herself and others. the best hostess you have ever met. has a hard time deciding on things and will make herself suffer through qualms and trials for days for something that, for anyone else, could have been decided within a couple of minutes. somewhat of a perfectionist. spiritual. gets along with everyone. very into female impowerment.

trad. masc scorpio: kind of rude, but smart. he doesnt know where it comes from, but his subconscious intuition oftentimes leads him to hidden truths, whether they are pleasant or not. might be the jealous type. can just trust his gut and will know exactly what is going on behind closed doors. intelligent in a very abstract way. might come across as always ready to strike just in case someone thinks they are better than him in any way.

trad. fem scorpio: does not show emotion easily. is very intelligent and knows how to lead a conversation where she wants it. inquisitive, literally opens her entire mind for you when you sit down one-on-one. not for anyone to enter, but for her to use ON you, and will analyze your behaviors to the core and dig around in there. make you see things from perspectives youve never even thought about. this could be used for bad, but usually its used for your own good because insight and truth, darkness into light is what she is after. intense. low key passionate. a great person to brainstorm with. excudes sultryness, but almost like a perfume, an illusion, mostly because people become so mesmerized with her psychological skill that they immediately figure she is coming on to them. powerful socially. doesnt want nor need drama, the quest for truth just gets ruthless sometimes. loyal if you dont mess with her integrity. unlike leo, her integrity is based on conscious and subconscious intuition. not into practical things in general. does not care for high morals.

trad. masc sagittarius: good at everything on the first try but gets bored easily, even depressed when forced into routine. diplomacy is important, so is personal freedom. a charismatic positive personality that shines bright and has an almost gravitational pull because of it. wants to be valued for his brain and generosity of free, non-traditional love and insight. learning is everything. the bigger picture is everything; abstract concepts that you can translate and cross-reference to different doctrines and schools and philosophies. on an eternal quest for knowledge in all situations, be it emotional or practical. "why do things work like this?" he asks and is genuinely excited to hear your and everyone elses reasoning. his goal in life is to get to know himself through others and to find firey partners to come along for the ride and share the fun. loathes drama, wants everyone to be accepting. optimistic. might be the guy many fall in love with but who is completely oblivious to it because he has his mind set on other things.

trad. fem sagittarius: very much like trad. masc sagittarius. also fierce, takes no shit, the life of the party, everyones instant friend and a BIG personality. equality is very important!

trad. masc capricorn: attractive, cold, sexual. on the grind, because everything works against him either way so he might as well work hard and overcome. dry humor and a smug smile, vicious eyes. but tender and fragile once you get to know him. so used to being the underdog in his own head that he hasnt realized everyone sees him as the leader. doesnt realize people follow him. doesnt care. is just and stern. is not afraid of delivering harsh truths, can shut you down with a look.

trad. fem capricorn: leads with silence. not because of shyness at all, its just a demeanor that comes naturally. although may have been shy when young, simply because of society. exudes power, unknowingly or knowlingly. intimidating and stylish as fuck. eloquent. uniformity is a keyword for everything. has learnt the hard way. hilarious dark humor. prefers respect to spectacle. is a force to be reckoned with and gains pretty much everyones respect.

trad. masc aquarius: might have a hard time deciding about personal freedom, what is and what isnt. contemplative, insightful, the least traditional of traditional men. high EQ, might prefer polyamorous relationships, almost lacks jealousy. tall and slender. very much capable of seeing through all points of view and will speak rationally. rarely gets heated in discussion because he just doesnt see the point in being reactive.

trad. fem aquarius: a higher being. high octave intuition; the person with the highest EQ youve ever met in your life. new insights with every breath. does NOT care for tradition, usually only indulges in the bare minimum of tradition to move about unnoticed in society as the penultimate alien being they are. she has an entirely different kind of mind that seems so complex and effortless at the same time, and her knowledge and ingenuity could change the world - if it was only ready for it. finds solutions to everything. altruistic. optimistic. so wise and so rebelliously young at the same time. manages to care for everyone and everything all the time. truly wondrous.

trad. masc pisces: an academic. a sensitive guy. highly philosophical, in its scholastic form. makes a good teacher of abstract concepts. always searching within himself first before speaking. interested in history and the human mind. constantly battles with feelings of not being good enough but always comes out as more and better than expected. probably very introvert.

trad. fem pisces: witchy. dreamy. some kind of seer. needs quite some time to process emotional impacts. has a tendency to mimick peoples traits and quirks without knowing it. very emotional, highly sensitive. very impressionable. open to and thirsty for new ways to make sense of all these emotional impacts, but might change ideologies and/or trim her sails to the current wind. conflicting subconscious emotional forces at play all the time which leads to a lot of self-doubt. not necessarily introvert, but introspective.

[lodessa]

#i have thought about this particular gif a lot bc frankly it adds more nuance#you can see here that she's not embarassed or uncomfortable#and in fact is welcoming of it just responding in her own way#so it makes those fics where jason isnt like this neanderthal freak way more believable to me#in this moment she is not showing any trauma any concern anything but a simple return of the sentiment#and you could say she's hiding it but it's not there in her eyes either#so painting jason with the broad strokes of being part of her abuse (like her more directly demonstrated mom)#doesnt ring true to me#i do think that this scene pre eddie she hasnt really felt that taste of freedom#or as haley so eloquently described her jealousy of his absolute sense of self#so maybe that's why she's so welcoming here but regardless#in this gif in this image carver is not a bad dude to her not one bit

@garglyswoof as fun as demonizing the competition can be sometimes, I agree with you here. One of the things Stranger Things is actually scary good at is giving characters (especially minor characters) nuance and even though the show plays with stereotypes the people engaging with those stereotypes instead almost always feel like real people (this is neither the time nor place for a rant about how shoddy the characterization on the California characters is though).

Jason reads to me as a human being (who goes off the deep end in fear and grief and rage eventually) and I feel like everything about what we see before Chrissy's death shows him being well intentioned at the very least. I think I have mentioned it before, but both he and Chrissy stand out in sharp contrast to the mean popular kids El is dealing with in California. Like we might not agree with his priorities but from his perspective that whole speech in the gym is about lifting everyone up and the idea that the team's victory is owned not just by him or the other players but the whole school/town. It's a little narcissistic but it isn't mean. I also think it diminishes both Chrissy as a person and the possible relationship between her and Eddie, to be like "oh Jason was just an abusive controlling asshole". I feel like it is so much more meaningful for her to look at Eddie and not go "wait, some guys are not controlling inconsiderate assholes" but instead be like "Jason is sweet and all but this guy is so incredibly himself and not only that but I find I actually like that self particularly". Like there's room in fandom for both, but I am always a lover of complexity personally.

Like was Jason the best boyfriend in the world? Clearly not. He didn't seem to notice that Chrissy was falling apart at the seams (though we don't know that for sure since we never see a private scene of them together). I don't think that was a relationship that was going to last long term even if they both lived. Does he end up going off the deep end and becoming a "monster"? Yep. And we should hold him accountable for that in our assessment. But I think it is still important to remember that he is also the guy who instead of letting himself be a jealous dick made sure to congratulate Lucas and include him and who used his school wide platform to remember the dead and tell everyone he loves his girlfriend.

grace confirming that chrissy is an introvert adds another layer to jason & chrissy’s relationship (in that it was forced and/or unsatisfying) because no introvert on earth would feel comfortable with a public declaration like that. also, she doesn’t shout out “love you too, babe!” she replies with a quiet, unnoticed air kiss.

you can’t convince me chrissy doesn’t want to love people privately, away from prying eyes (ahem, say alone in the woods with the town outcast)

jason is completely ignorant to the way that his partner wants to love and be loved. he doesn’t listen to chrissy or pick up on her cues. you know who did pick up on her cues?

tldr; jason shouted out chrissy because he wanted to, not because he thought she’d enjoy it

[itsdarneel-blog]

cue me in starbucks reading This One Summer and start spontaneously crying because i realize that all the cute little myths my dad would tell about how they “got me from chinese gypsies” or “the kroger blue light special” etc all just deny the fact that i was created from some kind of loving union. like why would you ever tell your kid anything other than the truth, that they were litterally created via a physical expression of love between two people?? (unless that’s Not True) and how my whole life i have hardly ever seen my parents being genuinely affectionate (much less physically affectionate) to each other and how i’ve always identified with adopted characters even though i’m not adopted (and people have always told me i look Just Like My Mom) and that always makes me feel weird because I love her and by this point I am much closer to her than to my dad, and we do share a weird Brain Link, but she will continue to disapprove of me fundamentally forever. as will my dad. and how i’ve always felt a little homeless and Out Of Nothing (except maybe when i was very young). like i don’t think any of me has ever fully believed that i’m really their child. which hurts. because i definitely am. and i’m their only, so i’m their one shot. and i am just royally fucking that up. my dad and i are better now at knowing when to put the brakes on a conversation that we know is just going to go nowhere other than Hurt Feelings Town but the other day he really let it all spill out that i am “listening to the wrong voices and i need to be careful or i am going to end up with backwards views on everything and maybe once i mature a little more i’ll come back around” (to his Reformed Protestant Hyper-Conservative Nationalistic Creationist Subliminally Racist + Sexist and Openly Homophobic + Transphobic way of viewing the world). and if that had been said in a calm tone of voice, that might have been one thing. but from the rest of the conversation that “line” stood out because it was like. he was suddenly, for a second, letting his frantic fear show through. and i know that one day he will have to confront that. because he will have to confront Me. As I actually am, NOT the me that has had to appease and work for his goals instead of mine for 21 years. and that all sounds so Dead Poets Society. so white and rich and corny. and yeah we’re white and we (once - before my dad didn’t work for literally a decade and didn’t let my mom work either because Christian Patriarchy) had some wealth. but fuck it. i am tired of feeling like Me is Wrong. and if that means i have to throw everything out and start over, and even if i die before that’s over, i have to do it. i have always been afraid of dying young and i know some journeys do get cut off early but? i have to hope? that i’ll be around long enough to..... somewhat figure all this out. so yeah. idk.

i think i will just have to create some kind of myth of my own about where i came from. i have been thinking a lot about rublev’s trinity lately and that idea of the trinity filling three seats of the table and the viewer is in the fourth one. and even if it is too painful or unbelievable that i came from the love of my parents - a dead or dying love - i also - perhaps in an even more real sense - came about from a divine love. and i literally share that with every other corner of the universe. i was taught that we are like little Players on a game board and every move was thought out ahead of time by this Patriarchal Divine who is somehow Playing Us All (which u know can have different meanings lmao) and we have “free will” but Not Really bc hashtag john calvin. fuck his institutes. i used to think about how the arrangements of molecules in a specific blade of grass at a specific time were all PreOrdained and how if that’s true than like. what the fuck am i??? what the fuck are other people?? and you know. i just dont believe that anymore. i think God is responsive. and is in all things and fills all things which is also mindbogling in it’s own way because (* Annie Dillard pops out from behind a bush and says : *) NATURE IS CRUEL AND HUMANITY IS CRUEL SO HOW/WHAT/WHY THE FUCK IS DIVINITY???? IS CRUELTY A PART OF DIVINITY??? IF WE SAY IT ISNT ARE WE JUST TRYING TO SANITIZE THE MATERIAL WORLD?????? IS IT ALL JUST GODDAM FUCKING GNOSTICISM????? fuck. (annie dillard is no longer speaking and she never was speakin: all those thoughts are my own, idk if i am even interpreting her writing correctly but she is certainly more eloquent than Me, in starbucks typing with my T H U M B s

and i have no idea how to end this so i’ll just end it like this

[thedapperrabbit]

She-Ra Rewatch: season 3 and onwards through season 4, and boatloads of Introspection time!

So Ive been rewatching She-Ra with my partner, because sharing Entrapdak is caring. I could probably squee on about that for a century or more (because eeee, sharing things i love with people i love AND THEY EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE THINGS AND REMEMBER THEM!)...but ill spare you, kind internet strangers who for some reason find my thoughts mildly interesting enough to be reading this. This is going to be a lot. Like, a LOT. A lot especially from a stranger that youve probably only seen a notification from due to me sticking a heart on your content or for reblogging something lovely youve made in pictures or words. I dont think anything is going to be violently trigger-y because im not always great at judging that stuff and also ive yet to feel quite comfy enough to be  fully open-posting specifics about my own past trauma, other than a vague allusion to self-harm and distant-ish unspecified abuse aaaand the usual childhood garbage truck of assholes....but i suppose you could possibly draw some darker potential conclusions from the content im focused on. Also, my ADHD makes it incredibly hard to keep to a straight and non-branching narrative so...ramble-y bits and expressions of brain frustration ahoy. Either way...you are forewarned, just in case. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a small booklet by the time Im done explaining, and thinking, and then attempting to stick words to abstract feels which sometimes im great at, and then others i fucking suck at...but at least this is all written and not me trying to say this to any of your faces! Thats....a mercy all of its own. Haa...  Anyway, while rewatching with my partner, I realized just how much more painful parts of it are to sit through now...they were the first time, and each time since, but NOW having spent a while mulling over the series as a whole a bunch, and reading a lot of other peoples writings on here and finding myself largely in agreement with most Entrapdak fan’s assessment of things, I just....feel like all the air is ripped out of me during some moments, watching  with keener insight. And despite thinking i had myself reasonably well figured out by my age, its all also made me further consider a few things about myself as well. Particularly my notable internalized fury response to chunks of it which have been consistent through all my viewings of SPOP. With Hordak at least, its way easier to understand my reactions. For me at least. Maybe not so much for the people around me. And, shittier due to intensity and subject matter, but still easier in the long run because...the broken bits in me that he resonates with are fresher and sharper and still more recent, like within the last ten years, and thus more towards the front shelves in my head, compared to things that resonate with Entrapta, which are all old, lifelong dull aches at this point. I feel like nothing i can point to is fully sufficient to fully express my feels involving Hordak. But, maybe the best representative moment is with the crying i do every damn time I see his face looking up at Prime just after he glimmer and catra were beamed up...because ive seen that face in the mirror. I HAVE MADE THAT FACE. That same. Goddamn. Face. I may not have gotten a jab to the back of the neck directly from the person I made it at...but they often seemed to silently goad me to harm myself in an attempt to jolt my brain out of getting stuck in re-looping through what theyd just done/said to me. Likewise, much of his interactions with Entrapta are very...very weirdly familiar in feeling, but in a good way. Watching the stuff with Hordak hurts because fuck me if it isnt frequently like watching myself back in 2008ish to 2013, which was the duration of the worst parts of that particular circle of hell i parked my ass in. So...that makes sense. Hes so well written in those moments, it occasionally gave me PTSD flashbacks (still does a little, but now im prepared and braced for it and can shrug it back off....thanks, lifetime of therapy and years of studying abnormal psychology! Still totally not an expert, just very passionate...just, as a disclaimer).  Entrapta though...Entrapta is a different story. Mostly, I see Entrapta and in her free expressions of delight and joy and her bouncy enthusiasm I am reminded of a younger, less discouraged me in some ways, and in others, a “me” I could have been, but...well, extremely early-onset anxiety and depression made me insanely self-conscious super-super early on...not that i was great at hiding or...i guess the term people seem comfy with is “masking”? Which was a huge problem, or so it was in the 80s when far less was understood of such things. Id do so for a bit and then would forget to, in a way (because id forget long enough to go and trust again reflexively) and would get badly bullied and would squish everything down until id feel a crumb of safety again, and then almost instantly ADHD would pop that mask right the rest of the way off aaand it would start all over again. Ad nauseam until my teen years, where the depression sort of “fixed” that, and made it much easier to destroy my desire to share much of myself freely at all, save for with one or two people, and to a less deep extent a broader circle of nerd friends. Course, then i hit 30 and ran out of the majority of fucks I used to give. Or I became so damaged and salted with anger that parts of me dont grow any fucks anymore? Either way, plowshares to swords, WHEEEE!) And, maybe thats where this time while watching, I started to really think back to all that, and to how i see Entrapta treated by the other princesses, or really just in general except by Hordak...and why it burns my biscuits so badly. Every time I see someone roll their eyes at Entrapta’s beautiful unbridled enthusiasm or try to make it seem distasteful or at least weird and unwanted and uncomfortable for them but then dont even bother to try coming to terms with why they feel that way... or how they seem to feel free to grab and manhandle her without her consent, or the way they try to lessen her contributions because shes non-normative? Like its the fucking least she can do to make up for being weird in their space (...okay, that might just be the anger kicking in..but i dont feel like its an entirely innacurate assessment, is it?)  All of that...seeing it inflicted upon someone, It feels like someones punched me right in the damn sternum, but because its a hurt that im so desensitized to, it seems to have a much different effect than the sharp, violent crushing pain that i feel when I relate to Hordak a little too well for comfort. Again, i could go on, but its nothing more eloquent people on here havent already spoken volumes on. And my first gut reaction is always “I dont understand! why is that their reaction to her?! it doesnt seem logical at all, i dont seem to be able to parse it correctly, how is this acceptable? I HOPE SHE IMMOLATES YOU ALL.”. Which...I suppose isnt entirely usual for me (the silent wishing that people be immolated, I mean...i blame my past years of working in retail. And devouring too much Warhammer 40k contentl).  (oh gods...and this is going to be the most clusterfucky part cause i can feel my meds kicking in and thats gonna be hard to keep coherence on but i gotta get this all out of my head or ill forget it or get too scared of you fucking BRILLIANT insightful smart people on here and then ill continue to live scared and regretful that i never said..anything, and just sat here like “noticeme, entrapdak sempais!”  Ehhn...which is to say, if this is a garbage dump from here down, dont worry, when i wake up ill fix it...but hopefully itll at least make a tiny bit of sense ) But I realized something...something I hadnt ever rememberd much about due to the shitty neuronormative (apology if thats wrong term) behaviors continuing over years and years but in less and less directly aggressive ways as i grew older and was more prone to losing my shit in , (and likely because I got excessively lucky and managed through...uhhh...agonizing determination? Sheer stubbornness? Alleviatory rebalancing of universal karma? fuck if i know --to  curate a surprisingly supportive circle of other castoffs and misanthropes.) That was exactly how people used to treat me.  OKAY THISLL BE EDITED LATER to add in the rest of what i was gonna say...im...too full of Ambien sleep meds and damn write it anymore...and im aing trouble separating realigty and dream...an i k apawing at the kybord...not safe Lov yous for reading this far. Il fix it later, swears.