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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hi Joe: There's no gentle way of doing this, so I'll just get to it, I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it but you're free to ignore this if that's the case Joe: but I've been looking for my half-sister, and I think its you Ronnie: if youre basing that on a family resemblance youve shot yourself in the face like Ronnie: reload & keep looking Joe: Yeah, I know Joe: but I ain't Joe: Aside from coming at you with what's on any facebook profile anyway Joe: do you know your biological mum's name or? Ronnie: whos used facebook in a decade thats your 1st fuck up Ronnie: 2nd to reckoning my dna is any of your business Joe: who's putting their date of birth and hometown anywhere else? Joe: you were born in [hospital] right? Ronnie: phone numbers on toilet walls getting played out Ronnie: yeah & Joe: then it is you Joe: everything adds up, you have the right birthday, right place, right last name, and first, still Ronnie: right colour Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy maths Joe: its your bio dad that's black Ronnie: fuck you i know that Ronnie: read my file well before you stalked me Joe: so do you know her name or nah Ronnie: it was in there Joe: Tess Vickers Joe: she is your mum Ronnie: i came out of her Ronnie: shes not my fucking mum Ronnie: id know you if she was Joe: 'course Joe: that's what I meant Ronnie: pick your words more careful soft lad Joe: she don't have any more Joe: I ain't had to do this before, like Ronnie: made up for her Ronnie: & you Ronnie: only took her how many years to claim her bastards Joe: I don't know why she didn't, only what she's said Joe: but if you wanted to ask her, I could set that up Ronnie: if it took her a bit to recover from goin black i don't need to ask her about that Ronnie: got my own experiences cheers Joe: is there anything you do Ronnie: if i had any questions id have chucked 'em at her when i aged out Joe: fair enough Joe: you wanna ask me anything then Ronnie: you old enough to be cleaning out your mas skeletons & seein if theyll dance for you Joe: not what I'm doing Joe: but I'm 19 Ronnie: course she never kept herself stitched up for long Ronnie: got a taste for it like Joe: by all accounts she met my dad the same year she had to give you up so Ronnie: bet he was proper comforting Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: Must've been Ronnie: if she kept you longer than the hour yeah Joe: I've got 3 brothers and a sister too Ronnie: when did she meet their dads Joe: we've got the same, like Joe: youngest is nearly 5 Ronnie: shes still alive then Ronnie: impressive Joe: is it? Joe: suppose so Ronnie: he got cash your sperm donor Ronnie: less dangerous game that one Joe: they both do alright now but you'd probably aim higher if that was the game you were playing Ronnie: shifting gear aint no game now or back then Ronnie: but she was small time Ronnie: that hand to mouth shit Joe: yeah, for years Joe: her dad's debts not helping none Ronnie: hes gotta be dead Joe: yeah Joe: year I was born Joe: so new mouth to feed and inheriting the neverending debts of John Joe: must've seemed like a great time to have more 'cos my brother is only a year younger than me 👍 Ronnie: least you aint inherited his name Ronnie: like i said insatiable Joe: thank fuck Ronnie: piss poor addiction but fuck it Ronnie: shes keeping 'em fed & clothed this time 👏 Joe: gutted social don't hand out round of applauses no doubt Joe: know she is for a fact 'cos she ended up working for 'em, and fostering two poor kiddies in need Joe: what do you reckon to her addiction now? Ronnie: sounds about right theyd left her Ronnie: state of the cunts running that show Joe: mhmm Ronnie: white kids are easier to love Ronnie: its on the posters like Joe: in theory Joe: but this way she gets to be obsessed with you from afar Ronnie: pay me enough & ill come press my face longingly against her windows Joe: I'll keep it in mind for her birthday or something Ronnie: fuck all else you wanna rock my world with or what Joe: Hmm Joe: hold up whilst I trawl a lifetime of overshare for any more tidbits Ronnie: she aint rotting by the roadside or ashes i can snort means my hearts already broken Ronnie: take your time Joe: sorry to disappoint Joe: suppose by the time you got to your file, it told you she'd run away from Liverpool, yeah? Ronnie: bullshit are you Ronnie: youre loving having another cunt to share it with Ronnie: whats the matter dont your brothers & sister wanna play Joe: I'm the favourite Joe: favourite that's about Joe: they got the gist but no file for them Ronnie: 💔 Joe: you said Joe: so, what you saying, you care if I tell her I found you or what? Ronnie: if it feels good do it baby Ronnie: why would i care Ronnie: shes not gonna show up Joe: what if she did? Ronnie: no fixed address Joe: I've told you she loves a cause Joe: say you don't wanna see her Ronnie: shooting the messenger aint no kill shot Ronnie: youre not invested in me Joe: I'm not not, clearly Joe: I'm the one looking, ain't I Ronnie: let her look under every rock with you Ronnie: i hope one bashes her skull in Joe: alright Joe: I'll pass it on Ronnie: good boy Ronnie: get that sticker on your reward chart Joe: god I hope so Ronnie: 🙏 Joe: Your profile says you're in London, still true? Ronnie: i don't need you at my door either Joe: 🙄 Ronnie: roll your eyes at me again Joe: 🙄🙄 Ronnie: 🖕🖕 Joe: 😏 Ronnie: what the fuck do you want Joe: I've told you Ronnie: nah Ronnie: spit it out Ronnie: youre circling around it stop being a pussy Joe: how am I? Ronnie: what do you want for fucks sake Joe: meet you Ronnie: its not happening Joe: why not Ronnie: i hate that you exist Ronnie: that she got a 2nd chance & i didnt get 1 Joe: that's fair Joe: you can hate me in person Ronnie: i aint goin to prison for killing you Ronnie: you wish Joe: yeah Joe: oh well Ronnie: take your death wish home Ronnie: or on a different part of the internet Joe: awh, cheers for the sisterly advice Ronnie: shut your mouth Ronnie: i ain't your sister Joe: kk Ronnie: dumping all your bullshit on me dont make us related Joe: we are Joe: you not wanting it don't fight biology Ronnie: her not wanting me cancels it all out Joe: not to me Ronnie: i give a shit how you feel Ronnie: youre a stranger with fuck all i want Joe: you ain't checked what I've got Ronnie: until facebook adds income i dont care Joe: 💔 Ronnie: you must look like your da Ronnie: dont be Joe: well you look like her Joe: not that I've seen yours Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont Joe: yeah you do Joe: [sends pics] Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright Joe: catch you around then Ronnie: get it through your head Ronnie: you wont Joe: what you scared for Ronnie: youre having fun trying to mess me up Ronnie: that aint how i get mine Joe: I'm seriously not Joe: I've got the message though, alright Ronnie: youre seriously throwing all this shit at me like im gonna smile as i eat it Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I don't expect fuck all Joe: I just wanna know you but if you don't then that's alright Joe: I won't message again Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you aint asked about me Ronnie: you wanna bitch about 'em Joe: that's why I wanna meet you Joe: I've thrown enough questions at you for one convo Ronnie: nah you wanna meet me to see if i proper look like her Joe: I've got eyes Ronnie: if thats what you reckon you see they dont fucking work Ronnie: get down the social & claim Joe: you're fine, its not dead ringer levels Ronnie: im fucking fine cause theres none of her in me Joe: I'm glad for you Ronnie: were not family save your lies Ronnie: i dont need any blows softened Joe: its only me bitching Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: & you can save your tears Ronnie: you already cant see fuck all like Joe: what do you want? Ronnie: too late to give a fuck Ronnie: youve shit over me with this Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: nah Ronnie: sorry for yourself aint the same Joe: Why would I be sorry for me? Joe: I got everything Ronnie: not how youre framing it Joe: why would you believe me Ronnie: not hard to believe mummy dearest loves me best Ronnie: not like she dumped me fast as she could & legged it Joe: she weren't allowed to keep you, she was 14 with a junkie non-dad to look after you both Ronnie: & what she didnt get any older or get her shit together Ronnie: fuck that Joe: did you want her to come 'round and pick you up 4 years later? Ronnie: she had you cunts instead Joe: so she comes and gets you and the social come with and see the fake bailiffs and the bashed in door and we all go back with you Joe: I see the appeal Ronnie: you reckon i had it better Ronnie: thats what this nancy drew bullshit is about Joe: nice one, genius Joe: in what world is that adding up Ronnie: yours Ronnie: in what world would i have not gone with any cunt to get me out of that place then Joe: I'm telling you why she didn't get you, not telling you why you wouldn't wanna be there Ronnie: youre giving me both Ronnie: cant help yourself Joe: they're the same reason Joe: if she tried to get you, they'd say nah 'cos her life was a mess, simple as Ronnie: & yet here you are Ronnie: not a care kid a single day in your fucking life Ronnie: so like i said she got her shit together in the end Joe: she was 18 when I came around and we got taught how to say the right thing to socials and how to shut our mouths the rest Joe: but that's just what she told me Joe: she probably didn't want you, looking back Ronnie: why would she Ronnie: had a new set up with a cunt that stayed Ronnie: cuter kids Joe: 'cos she loved your da the way only a 14 year old girl can Joe: pro and a con in your favour Joe: does she want the reminders or does she not Ronnie: not Ronnie: youre the only pussy walking memory lane Ronnie: aint her looking Joe: yeah, s'me, so why you chatting at me like I'm the one that fucked you off Joe: not productive Ronnie: cause you are Joe: I've gone to leave loads now Joe: you've clearly got shit to say Joe: so just say it at me, I've already offered that n'all Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: i didnt ask for this Ronnie: she was in the ground for all i knew Joe: she still can be Joe: I ain't telling Ronnie: nah you opened your gob & let all that shite out Ronnie: i couldve been about to slit my throat or pull a shift Joe: you could've easily found out she weren't dead yourself too Ronnie: what should it tell you that i didnt Joe: ignorance ain't such bliss I've tipped you over the edge Ronnie: you dont know shit Ronnie: how does yours feel Joe: how do you think Ronnie: i think you should ask if people have got time & space to spin out before you fuck with their heads Ronnie: i think you should go suck a dick mckenna Joe: why should I? Joe: no one asked me and I owe you shit Ronnie: she owes me Ronnie: youre nothing Ronnie: you dont see me knocking cause im not looking for answers & theres fuck all else to collect by the sounds of it Joe: then fucking collect Ronnie: talk to your ma like that Joe: hit me up when you stop being scared Ronnie: keep it up and ill smash in your face Joe: how Joe: you don't wanna meet Ronnie: dont flatter yourself nancy drew Ronnie: i can still kick your door in Ronnie: be like the baliffs are back Ronnie: you can revisit your childhood Joe: now who wants to go for a jaunt down memory lane Ronnie: you wish Joe: 🙏 Ronnie: i reckon your imaginary friends gotta be sick of your bullshit by now Joe: no doubt, nancy drew Ronnie: we cant both be nancy Joe: alright you be sid then Ronnie: still not gonna kill you baby Ronnie: but youre getting warmer Joe: I know, stalked you, remember Ronnie: get a hobby or habit mckenna Ronnie: your little misery boners aint cute Joe: oh I got plenty of thoses Joe: your concern is, kinda Ronnie: youve thrown me into the big sister deep end Ronnie: sounds like how you want it Joe: very obliging Ronnie: unloved kids get it where they can Ronnie: thats on the back of the poster Joe: trust, I know Ronnie: 💔 Joe: not me Joe: never mind, not my sob story to hit you with Ronnie: you only wanna share yours Joe: maybe when we get cosy I'll divulge all the family secrets, sis Ronnie: maybe if you chat shit like that to me again ill choke on my puke Joe: n'awh Ronnie: kill yourself Joe: sure thing Ronnie: very obliging Joe: it was already in the diary tbh Joe: but I'll pop you in the note if that makes you feel 💘 Ronnie: show me yours & ill show you mine Joe: deal Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: [skippity skip] Ronnie: pick me up Joe: where from Ronnie: [location that's sketchy as all hell] Joe: alright Joe: that should take me 'bout half an hour this time of day Ronnie: im not goin anywhere mckenna Joe: you alright Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: got it Joe: 🚖 📵 Ronnie: important for you to know your place Joe: must be popular with the cabbies 👑 Ronnie: yeah im on a ban Ronnie: look out for my picture hanging Joe: what did you do Joe: vom and not pay the fine one too many times? Ronnie: we taking another trip down memory lane Ronnie: i aint 12 Joe: go on then, what was it Ronnie: the cunt crashed its fuck all to get excited about Joe: did you get hurt? Ronnie: didnt feel it Joe: what about the driver Ronnie: i reckon he felt it Joe: fucked you're stuck with the tube then Joe: 💔 Ronnie: cheers motherfucker Ronnie: cant you drive Joe: 'course I can Joe: where'd your license go, got a story for that and all or? Ronnie: car theft would be a dead good sibling bonding activity Ronnie: but i dont need your help to break a window Joe: another time Ronnie: nah Ronnie: next time some other cunt will pick me up Joe: good thing I didn't specify Joe: tah for keeping me well in the loop of your schedule though Ronnie: other shit in the diary besides blowing my brains out Ronnie: can move it up if you aint gonna shut up Joe: 🤐 Joe: you can keep all your dates Ronnie: made up i am Joe: no need to say thanks, I feel it Ronnie: you wanted to meet up Ronnie: wish granted Joe: I know Joe: reckon blue would suit Ronnie: what Joe: genie Joe: you owe me 2 more, yeah? Ronnie: rubbing me up the wrong way dont count Joe: damn Ronnie: i can do black & blue Joe: changed your mind then Joe: my 🍀 day Ronnie: you got the accent Ronnie: my head cant do subtitles Joe: not really Joe: not proper Joe: some of my younger ones do but they can barely remember Liverpool Ronnie: nothing to be 💔 about Ronnie: its a shithole Joe: least its a shithole with some history Joe: we moved to a newbuild shithole so Joe: win some lose some Ronnie: your boner for history aint that big Joe: you checked what I'm studying? 😏 Ronnie: you dont post about fuck all else Joe: I'm barely outta freshers let me have it Ronnie: dont give me the flu Joe: thought that was just a euphemism Joe: either way, on my life Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: not as much fun as people chat, shockingly Ronnie: what is Ronnie: the shit that feels good is the shit youre meant to keep your mouth shut about Joe: hear hear Ronnie: 💘 Joe: 💘 Joe: you live there or am I picking you up from a mates Ronnie: neither Joe: alright Ronnie: drop me on the other side Joe: no problem Ronnie: then you can go back to wanking over symphonies Joe: you wanna help me with my homework Joe: so nice Ronnie: what are big sisters for Joe: yeah Ronnie: shits fucked up Joe: right Joe: but you can be more specific Ronnie: nah i cant Joe: don't know where to start? Ronnie: it starts with being born Joe: okay, so the starts the easy bit Joe: the middle Joe: we don't have time Ronnie: we aint gonna trauma bond mckenna youve been beaten to it Joe: ah you got a troubled boyfriend Joe: that's cool Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you heard me say i aint 12 Joe: you know what I mean Ronnie: not very nancy drew if you reckon im that bitch Joe: we can't both be sid Ronnie: touche baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: im gonna carve up this cunt if you dont pull me out Ronnie: & thatll make him feel too special Joe: who? Joe: I'm nearly there Ronnie: my not boyfriend Ronnie: dont waste romance like that on strangers Joe: sensible Joe: just carve anything but 💘 and he shouldn't get too clingy Ronnie: whats the symphony that gets you off fastest Ronnie: ill do that Joe: Khachaturian's Sabre Dance works as a play on words and should get him to crescendo 👌 Ronnie: hot Joe: orchestra nerds get all the bitches Ronnie: yeah Joe: you aren't a catfish, are you Joe: I mean, I'll recognize you Ronnie: look for your mas face Joe: fuck it, therapy overdue anyway Ronnie: fuck you for saying that Ronnie: making it go round my head Joe: I shouldn't have said that Ronnie: i should stab you Ronnie: all these pieces of mirror Ronnie: fuck him Joe: you can, long as you keep it shallow, or don't mind swinging by the hospital Ronnie: i dont get my kicks at a&e Joe: you'll have to play nice then Ronnie: youll get too clingy Joe: avoid the 💘 Ronnie: some other bitch can have the honours Joe: or has Joe: don't I seem 💔 Ronnie: dont need to hear how you lost your virginity mckenna Joe: noted Joe: save that trip down memory lane for private time Joe: me and mozart Ronnie: explains a shit ton if the conductor is molesting you Ronnie: but not gonna be the sister who tells him where to put that stick he waves about Joe: Mozart was pretty fucked up but I don't reckon it went that far Ronnie: i dont know him 💔 Ronnie: there was a Moz here earlier fuck knows if theyre any relation Joe: You're more a Liszt type, called it Ronnie: what the fuck kind of fuck you is that Joe: 😂 Joe: actually he's considered the world's first rock star, I was being nice Ronnie: shut up Joe: what, you ain't seen the ken russell film with daltrey in? Joe: have a word Ronnie: get a life Joe: tomorrow Joe: maybe Ronnie: i cant fucking believe it had to be you Ronnie: thank fuck i already aint showing my face here again Joe: thought you said you weren't 12 Joe: but I don't need to come in if you don't wanna be embarrassed in front of your mates Ronnie: i said my mates aint here Joe: no need to tell me why you're there Ronnie: where the fuck are you Joe: just got out, 5 minutes Ronnie: i need to get out Ronnie: move it like Joe: alright Joe: come find me then, make it go faster Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: what's wrong Ronnie: if my body would do what it was told i wouldnt need you Ronnie: cant even paint you a fucking picture Joe: right Ronnie: theres a shit load of stairs yeah Ronnie: i cant do 'em Joe: if you're fat I swear to god Ronnie: calm your tits nancy drew Ronnie: you know thats bullshit Joe: I'll trust you ain't catfishing then Ronnie: thats my next tat Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: sweet Ronnie: hurry up Joe: I am Joe: [show up boy] Ronnie: [when you're just there like damsel in distress which ain't you so it makes it more awks] Joe: [what a first meeting just having to carry her away from god knows where like] Ronnie: [just like we don't know each other but just carry me to your vehicle thanks] Joe: [just doing it silently like this is normal] Ronnie: [since I cant find a pic she should go get that tattoo now just casually drag him along] Joe: [once you get the use of your limbs back lol] Ronnie: [lbr its blatantly someone sketchy she knows the state of them all] Joe: [god bless] Ronnie: [when I know its gotta go on her face somewhere cos #triggered by looking like Tess and I'm just screaming like NOOO] Joe: [my boo is horrified and Joe too] Ronnie: [soz you're so cute bitch and you wanna look so ugly] Joe: [lowkey dread to think how annoying the heal time is on a face tat] Ronnie: [blasting that orchestra bop he mentioned earlier as loud as poss cos yeah you searched for it and yeah you don't wanna hear your thoughts or have a convo] Joe: [when you don't run like you should 'cos you too are a crazy person] Ronnie: [match made in heaven lol] Joe: [🔥😈] Ronnie: [does he have any tattoos I have forgotten] Joe: [Oh, I don't think so??? but he probably would in a self-destructive manner too, as long as they could be hidden like his self-harm like go ahead] Ronnie: [just thinking get one now if you want boy #bonding] Joe: [yolo] Ronnie: [ooh what should it be] Joe: [the real question, hmm] Ronnie: [perfect excuse to be staring at each other while that's happening though cos you can't be moving all about] Joe: [but of course] Ronnie: [Joe can move around more cos not on his fucking head but] Joe: [probably get a cherry or something for the lols] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph]

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eaglebones-falconhawk · 6 years ago

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ok. heres a write up of my astro weekend. sorry it’s so long.

...or at least everything i can remember.

i guess i’ll go in order.

thursday:

thursday was in athens. i sat around my airbnb room for a bit and then finally decided to go check out a shop around 2 pm. well apparently that fuckin shop was literally next door bc as soon as I turned around from loading up the parking meter, Birdstuff was there with the sound guy (his friend). I said hi and we talked for a bit, then I went into the store. I got a cool sweater and a cute dress and the girl at the counter took my picture to put on their instagram. I checked out a few more shops in the area before I went back. Also, Reel Big Fish were playing literally right up the road and I heard them rehearsing.

I got to the venue right before the doors opened and ran into a guy from the fan facebook group. we talked for a bit and he said he flew in from new york for the show. super nice dude. I went in and no one checked if i had a ticket or id’ed me or anything. kinda weird. Anyway i just kinda sat there for a while while people came in. avona nova waved at me when she showed up, then coco said hi later while I was talking to someone. the other guy was like “you know that guy...i feel like i should know him!” I had to tell him who it was, I thought that was pretty funny.

I also saw Birdstuff again before their set. He gave me a setlist but only if i promised not to look at it. I shoved it in my pocket and forgot about it til the next day. lol. Their set was really good. They opened with one of my favorite songs, and played the MST3K theme song. They also played one new song. Coco grabbed my head during one of the intro samples. Birdstuff also fed a chunk of pizza to the guy next to me. Oh shit, I almost forgot about Pylon. They played before astroman and were AMAZING. Also Vanessa (the singer) told me she liked my jacket when i picked up their new record from the merch table. I’m really really glad I got to see them.

After the set I stuck around to say hi and stuff. Me and my new buddy from the facebook group both talked to coco for a bit. I showed him my tattoo and he said he’d make sure i’d be on the guest list for the rest of the weekend buuut that never happened. I dont think he was lying or forgot but I never did get on that guest list :/. I gave him and everyone but star crunch some stickers. Avona Nova asked me about my shoes, and she was so into them. It was adorable! I love her. That’s about it for thursday night. Friday:

The friday show was in atlanta. I went to check out the botanical gardens in athens before i left town. it was unsurpisingly not that great on the last day of november but i still enjoyed it. it was nice to go for a peaceful walk through nature and i still got to see some cool plants. I left and drove to atlanta and went to my favorite shop in little 5 points, then left because i didnt wanna deal with people or traffic anymore. (i still got stuck in traffic). I did get a cool MoAM magnet though.

The show in atlanta was in the same place i saw them last year- except they expanded so the venue was about twice as big. i got there kinda early (they also opened the doors way later than advertised) so i sat with one of birdstuff’s friends/the sound guy for a while. hes a really nice guy and showed me pictures of his cats. he also introduced me to some other people that work at saturn.

the merch table was on the old stage and i fell a little bit and almost spilled my drink on star crunch who was unloading tshirts. he was like “oh...hi”. after the show he told me his dog died :/

the first 2 opening bands were kinda weird but i had fun watching them. Arcwelder played and I really enjoyed seeing them. I think i’m gonna try and get some of their cds. I saw coco in the audience again and i think he waved at me but i cant remember if he said hi. my new buddy was kind of impressed that any of the band members did say hi though. lol. i think avona nova musta said hi that night too bc at some point he was like “you’re like the astro-insider”. I thought it was hilarious.

The set for this night was pretty great. they opened with With Automatic Shutoff again but it sounded way better. they also did a few improv songs, and played the mst3k song again, but it wasnt on the set list. Coco fell at some point during the set and kicked me in the face a little bit. I told him afterward and he felt really bad. He also knocked over one of the monitors when he fell, and i had to hold it up with 2 other guys to keep it from falling. I got to wear coco’s helmet for a minute but its heavy and smelly so i put it on someone else as soon as i could. also henry (the guy who put all the shows together as his birthday party) told me he was really glad i came. it was kinda weird but it was nice. kinda made me wanna cry though.

After the show i stuck around for a bit. this time i did get to talk to the band a bit more. I asked star crunch how he was doing and he was like “i’ve had better weeks....my dog just died” UM. OKAY. he did seem really sad though. i feel bad for him. hes such a nice man. We talked for a bit and I gave him some of the stickers i made. birdstuff knew i was going to drive from atlanta to birmingham for the next show so he offered to find me a place to stay as they all claimed “the drive back was really boring”. star crunch was like “you could stay with my parents, my dad could teach you how to line dance.” lmao. him and coco also told me about a time they apparently both interviewed and applied for the same job, with the idea that theyd both work the same position for like half the year and get twice the amount of work done, so they could tour the rest of the year. i had to tell him that basically the same thing happened in an episode of its always sunny in philadelphia. lmao. i talked with them all for a while before they started leaving and stuff. i mean i didnt have anything better to do. i said see ya later and got an uber home. my airbnb was cold as shit and i didnt sleep very well.

saturday:

the saturday show was at Saturn in Birmingham. and it was perfect. i slept as late as i could then just chilled in my airbnb (it was a converted airstream trailer- hella cool but kinda cold in late november/early december) until it was time to go. i packed all my shit but wasnt really sure if i wanted to stay in Bham because i figured i’d have to stay with a stranger or something. the drive from atlanta to birmingham really wasnt that bad, but i’m also not a 40 year old man. I got to bham way earlier than i expected so i went and tried to get something to eat. the sandwich i ordered was amazing but i just wasnt hungry. did i mention i have appetite issues when i travel? because i barely ate anything all weekend. anyway i went to saturn and just sat around for a while til i met another person from the facebook group. which was nice, because i basically wasn’t alone at any of the shows. this guy was also super nice. avona nova came up and said hi and asked me about video games? i wasnt feeling good and i was really confused when she said that. it was still cool she said hi though. she’s so sweet.

once again i wasnt on the setlist even though coco told me twice he’d make sure i was on there. i was kinda mad about it til he came up before their set and asked if i got in okay. (he also startled me when he did this because he came up from behind). Arcwelder played again this show and they were really good again. Tar was also super good and the singer told me he liked all my space shit after the show. he was really nice.

This show was played on the floor with a huge parachute as a backdrop. it looked awesome and made for a nice intimate setting. the band came through the audience instead of from the back and scared the hell out of me when they came up from behind me.

This show was probably my favorite of the whole weekend. I think the set was a little longer but they also just sounded great.

early on in the set star crunch’s microphone was like, electrified and it shocked him in the middle of a song. he put his guitar up to it to prove it and there was a bright spark. someone said “put a sock on it” so coco, being the fucking weird man he is took his shoe off and offered his sock to star crunch. but like its a sock and your mouth goes real close to the mic so he was like “no!!” coco just threw his fucking sock into the audience and played half the show with only one shoe on til the rest of the band made him put the other one on (with no sock).

the theremin broke at some point during the set (it fell...but a cymbal also fell and broke the cord. who knows which truly broke it) so they almost didn’t play principles unknown, but birdstuff had the sound guy put a bunch of reverb on the mic and made coco do the fucking theremin noises with his mouth. and it was fucking incredible. he did it like, perfectly and TBH it was amazing to witness. i got it on video and i’m so glad i did.

coco put the space helmet on me again during this show, and i tried to take a selfie with it but it didnt save :/. oh well. it got passed around the audience and everyone that got it seemed super happy.

they played the mst3k song one more time this show, and birdstuff dedicated it to me :) he said something like “she drove all the way from fucking new zealand!” and this guy with a real heavy southern accent tapped my shoulder and was like “new zealand?” no...just iowa. lmao. it was so cool he did that, though. i’m really hoping someone recorded the whole show so i can go back and listen to it later.

birdstuff did his regular drum kit sculpture but this time he stole a bunch of people’s belts (yes....he asked the audience for belts and then took them) and hung the snare drum from the ceiling. the second funniest part of the show was watching people try to find their belt from the pile.

after the show i saw another guy in a jumpsuit so i went to tell him i liked it, just for solidarity i guess? turns out he went to high school with coco. weird! he was a super friendly guy and was kind of enthralled with my outfit. he took a picture with me and coco lol.

I asked coco if i could take a picture with all 4 of them. i hadnt done it yet and i was like why not! its a special weekend!. he was like “yeah! if we can get everyone all together” which yeah, took a while. i also made sure i asked star crunch since he usually disappears first.

there were some teenage girls there who were trying to get the band’s autographs, and it was awesome. they were nice and i hope they had a good show. one of them told me she thought star crunch was cute. lmao. i kinda wish i’d gotten some autographs but i had such a good weekend, it doesn’t matter.

i hung around until finally we got everyone in one room so we could take a picture. my bud for the night from the facebook group also got to take a picture with them.

birdstuff asked again if i wanted to stay there, and i was like “sure!” mostly just so i could say i did it. man, it was an awesome place. they put in some rooms and bunks above the venue so bands could sleep there. none of the bands that played that night stayed though, so i got the whole front room to myself. birdstuff showed me around and tried to get netflix on the tv to work but couldnt so he just showed me where the dvds were. i found a simpsons dvd and watched that.

let me tell you- staying the night in saturn, watching the simpsons after an amazing MoAM show where they dedicated a song to me and then i got to hang out with them for a bit, that’s my idea of heaven. it was such a perfect night. i also took some pictures in the upstairs of saturn, partially because i wanted to be able to prove i was there, but also because the art and decorations were fucking awesome. such a good night.

i did have to take a shower without a shower curtain though. birdstuff couldnt fix that. i didnt even care though.

sunday:

the sunday show was in atlanta again, at a place called whirlyball. now what i didnt know about this place was that its not a fucking venue but basically an arcade. or well, more like, its this sport played on bumpercars with lacrosse sticks. theres 2 courts and a few games in the lobby, oh and theres a stage too. what a weird place. i was starting to feel sick by this day so i just sat on the couch for a while. avona nova sat on the couch next to me and we talked for a minute, and the others said hi when they saw me.

i watched people play whirly ball for a bit, chilled while the first band played, then while the next band set up i went and found a bar chair in the lobby. one of the OTHER guys from the facebook fan group came and said hi and gave me an envelope with a ton of cool MoAM flyers in it. he also printed one of the pictures i took at the friday show and made me a custom record with that as the insert cover. it was fucking awesome but unexpected, i hadnt seen this guy all weekend even though he was at the other georgia shows.

this was an all ages show so there were a few kids there. (including coco’s kid, she was adorable). pretty standard set again. i was feeling kinda crappy so this show felt weird to me, but it was still a lot of fun. at the end they pulled up a few kids to play bass and drums, and it was awesome. i found those kids after the show and gave em some stickers. they were so excited.

i waited around after the show for a while again. avona nova told me she was gonna find the merch they brought so i could get some pins for my friends but mostly i didnt want to leave. she also asked if i wanted to take another picture with all 4 of them but star crunch and birdstuff were out of sight so i just took one with her, and then coco. shes so sweet.

i met one more dude from the facebook group, this time a guy that came with his kid. they were both so excited to be there and it was adorable. he saw one of the pictures i had posted of a huge leaf i found at the georgia botanical gardens and showed me one he had taken earlier that day of his son with the same type of big fucking leaf (it was as big as him!). I gave them some stickers, and then they left. i think they had a bit of a drive.

i hung around for a bit longer, talked to a few more people but there wasnt anything special really. some ladies really liked the jumpsuit i wore (lol). eventually i was ready to leave and birdstuff gave me a hug ( :)) ). he was worried about me driving back and offered to find me a hotel room. he also said to “make sure you stop at a rest stop if you start getting tired” which is exactly what my mom would say, lmao. it was sweet though. i said goodbye to him and daniel (the sound guy) and left.

i got gas and then cried while i was driving because i had such a perfect weekend and i wasnt really ready for it to end. but like i was getting sick and ready to go home. anyway i drove home overnight (like 10 hours).

anyway i had the most fun i’ll probably ever have for the rest of my life and it was worth the long fucking drive. my only regret is being too anxious to eat and not doing more shopping.

thanks for reading this, if you did in fact do so. part of this was just to act as a journal if i want to go back and look at it later.

sorry its so long.

#MOAM #long post #h205o #astro weekend 18

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s3venpounds · 7 years ago

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1 - 40

jesus buddy, if you wanted to know more about me just friend me somewhere and talk to me facebook,discord,overwatch,psn, snapchat w.e! haha i dont bite!

also this is gonna be really feckin long

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

How to train your dragon (1 and 2 i can’t decide) I fucking LOVE dragons. the idea to fucking ride one in the sky?!?! fucking DOPE. the idea that theyre also SCALY DOGS?!?!? MOTHER.FUCKING.DOPE. i just associate the idea of freedom with flying through the sky and that feeling was conveyed really well in that movie so i really loved it!

2: Talk about your first kiss.

honestly? kinda dumb now that i look back on it. it was a peck, i wasn’t even like mentally prepared and it happened way faster than i thought. If i knew it was going to happen i would have really like milked that fucker. i woulda went romance movie on that shit with all the extra shit like groping and weird inhaling noises and kissing so hard your teeth almost clink together. but yknow coulda woulda shoulda

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

theyre not a part of my life anymore which admittedly fucking sucks but i think its for the better at least for them. do i wish it worked out and we were together? i mean yeah duh, the reasons i fell for them don’t fucking disintegrate/ i just have more information than i had when i first met that person. will i actually actively pursuit them in the chance to be with them again? hell no. i’m tired. and i’ve seen enough “ self confidence” posts on here to think “ hey if someone really wanted me in their life they would go out of their way to do so and seeing as they haven’t even messaged me in god knows how long then its safe to say theyre off being happy

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

man i haven’t seen this person is literally almost 20 years. I need to apologize. or at the very fucking least, see how theyre been doing. its driving me mad just trying to picture how theyre living and just coming up with a giant question mark.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

lets be real bro most of my birthdays have been shit so i gave up on tryna make them memorable or fun, ‘s just another day to me. i mean the best one would have to be this one time i got a gameboy advance but thats pretty much it

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

yknow how everyone says “ OH MY GOD WE SHOULD KEEP IN TOUCH” once you move? yeah thats bullshit. honest to god bullshit. i kept tabs on everyone when i moved to a different city and when i came down to visit for my birthday inviting all those people who supposed “wanted to keep in touch with me” literally 1 person showed up. and i think they only showed up because our parents were friends too. so yeah. fuck people sometimes.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

hygiene. breath, hair, clothes, eating habits, manners, anything that might make me come off as unclean to people im trying to impress drives me off the fucking wall. specially at formal events. if im wearing snazzy clothing at like a suite 16 or a debut or a wedding bet you $100 that im adjusting little aspects of my appearance every like 15 seconds. eating mints the second one is finished, trying not to be too close to someones face when talking, even when i fucking fart i always take note of which way the wind is blowing, or im sitting down on something that can absorb the stench, how much pressure is in my gut and how much of it can i let out in small bursts to avoid sound. that or asian dick syndrome. yknow. haha asians got a small dick? that kinda shit bugs me a bit. not a ton but more than i thought it would

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.(i am literally only 8 questions in and my fingers are a little sore from typing)

my singing and impressions? i once scared some friends when i imitated a party blower kazoo thingy since the ones they bought from the dollarstore didnt make any sound. same as my singing, i tend to get high scores and i impressed my cousins once with a perfect score on a backstreet boys song HEH

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

my biceps? theyre not like chris hemsworth level of meaty but like when i worked at this physically demanding job my coworkers are like “ woah dude ur arms are different from mine, if you worked out theyd look so ripped” that kinda stuck with me for a while specially knowing they were a football jock and they had their own special diet and fitness instructor or something. i also like my smile/ jaw shape? my hair can look pretty good too sometimes

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

my family is very passive aggressive oh and racist

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

i once had this dream where i had reallllly passionate sex and it felt real and i could feel like every little detail down to like hairs brushing my skin on my arms and shit. i swear to this day it was a modern day succubus or something

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

that dream where i was a bird and flying away from”something” just all my instincts telling me to RUN. or that dream where i got shot in the hand, chest then the head and before i blacked out i said “Ch*****” who incidentally i was going to see later that day which made things very awkward at least for me

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

it was pretty good. looking back i was probably shit in bed hahaha first time so of course theres shit to work out.

14: Talk about a vacation.

hit on by a cousin AND their gay friend. to which the cousin threatened me with self harm but the gay friend took the rejection very easily it was almost baffling in comparison (although the second the settled down they started to bash on me for rejecting their friend) also ate some REALLLLLY garlic covered crab the smell took 5 washes to get out… also got to ride in the back of a truck as its driving at like 120 mph and flying off all these little hills and tracking mud everywhere it was great

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

she was in my arms fast asleep and i took a photo. she didnt like that but let me keep the pic so that was nice.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

i can’t really remember any that stand out they were all equally fun. dont get me wrong some were super fun its just that it was also followed by a lot of bad choices that kinda take it down a notch. i will say this one party a friend hosted where i got to meet a BUNCH of new people. i also snorted some fundip powder as a dare. they refuse to let it go so i figure might as well own it. i also landed some sweet shots in beerpong

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

ellen paige would be dope to be friends with. same with zendaya. and gal gadot just so i can like sit in her presence and be in awe for extended periods of time

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

i was cheating on a test and my so called friend ratted me out never talked to him again that white privilege lookin hoe

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

i stopped talking to a friend that id thought i would be friends with for my whole life. i also became friends with my current best friend

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

people are dumb. drama is dumb. people who seek out this kinda shit needa leave me the hell alone. and if youre going to challenge me to a fight, tell me about said fight so i can show up. dont march around telling people ur gonna fight me and not tell me so i dont show up and make it look like i pussied out. like for real?

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

oh yeah like the vacation one said : shit got really weird. and to have that sorta conversation on spotty wifi in an airport in south korea meaning jet lag is also disorienting af

22: Talk about your worst fear.

death. nuff said

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

it sucked but it happens so like.? lmao i dont really know waht to say but it sucked

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i have a horrible memory and on top of that my mind moves at like 32754895274 miles a second so i dont keep stuff in mind a lot in the first place. i can’t really think of anything that had so much impact that i’ve remembered it. well i mean there was this one song a friend told me about in a letter and to this day i’ve kept remembering the same verse “ maybe if we met each other under a different sky maybe things would be much better between you and i”

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

we just….grew apart. and if we tried to be friends now im sure there would be tension and unease. hes just in a different friend circle. i dont hate him for it i just feel like hes living in a world of white and im living in a world of black like its just plain and simple

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

on the computer. i can’t rest when im sick. i just keep trudging along. school, work, hangouts, i still go. i just take precautions to not spread it

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

neck? shoulder? hands? face? hair? idk dood i don’t really like specific places more of how WELL those parts can mesh together to make this beautiful being.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

y’all about to learn some shit because im gonna teach you a thing about me. pov’s, deepthroat/gagging, emo/goth, anal, massage, ropes and power trips, asians, tentacles if im feeling kinky, hentai /cartoon shit, glory holes, dirty talk and asmr (who woulda thought theres porn for that huh?), ahegao(being fucked silly or till your mind breaks into being nothing but a cumdump), swallowing, threesomes, double penetration, latex is pretty cool too, cosplays are nice if the characters are ones i recognize, tittyfucks, source film maker porn of like video game characters are getting pretty professional nowadays, lesbian, orgys, teenage girls and old ass guys, horse dicks and girls who try to take em, i got turned on by a girl fucking a dog once so i guess bestiality is a thing, oh i saw this scene in a movie im not sure if it was real it seems kinda hazy but it involved necrophilia but im not sure if it turned me on or it was so weird i’ve memorized it because of how weird it was. chicks with dicks fucking other chicks. and a plethora of other weird shit. i dont know what fetishes count and what doesn’t so i just listed whatever came to mind as i wrote have fun with that shit

29: Talk about what turns you on.

short hair, asian heritage, playful and lighthearted but can be lustful as all hell, shorter than me, big boobs is a plus, mid driffs, underboob, small frame or face, scent( god if you smell good thats instant brownie points with me), likes anime, high pitch voices are cute as hell, very physically intimate, loves PDA’s, yeah i can’t really think of much

30: Talk about what turns you off.

uhh smells bad?, when their personality is bland/boring, or just shit. over timidness i get being shy but like if you can’t trust that the person youre interested in then like what am i supposed to do. i literally dated a girl who was so sheepish all i could do was ask her yes or no questions. and honestly that got old really fucking fast. i get she was trying but like i can only finesse so much of a relationship man. bad hygiene holy fuck. if you got like ear wax showin our ur ears, or like a bleeding pimple in plain view and refuse to at least dab it with a wet cloth or tissue then pls its not gonna work out. dandruff oh my gOD. dandruff would drive me nuts. like if i get close enough to see individual fucking flakes im gonna tear my whole scalp off

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

i feel like our bodies stop responding but our “souls” are still present there trapped screaming and trying to move our body but can’t. and thats why burials and shit sound so terrifying

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

dont need to. im a couple blocks away i can visit it any time. (my elementary and middle school the neighbourhood surrounding it was also where i used to live so that was dope)

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

i force myself to get MORE sad so i can get it all out in one go and much faster. like how the human mind can only get so angry that the brain gives up and just tries to find another way to spend its time.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

when i was a kid me and bunch of other kids decided to clog a slide with just a shit ton of people and one of my friends who came after me kept pushing me to the point i was hanging on for dear life using only my knee down that was wedged between a fat kid and my friend who went after me. i fell off eventually knocking skulls with another kid near the end of the slide(this slide was shaped like a spring so that explains why there were kids under me) my arm bend backwards for a sec after hitting another kid’s legs, and then i fell chest and fast first on the asphalt winding myself. kids are rugged as all hell man they can really take a hit. i walked it off but god damn if i didnt get bruises and shit afterwards. or that time i got beaten so bad by father dearest because work was stressful and i ended up blacking out. wasn’t even allowed to go to the hospital. just kinda laid down in my room with bruises all over.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

relying on people for happiness. distracting myself from sadness and responsibilities. procrastinating in general

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

i dont really feel guilt save for some specific circumstances. ask any of my friends. does that mean im a sociopath or whatever?

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

they just got out of a relationship with someone and was avoiding them profusely and i just started to get to know them. we got to the point that when she was ready we could date. little did i know that later, she would end up dating a friend of mine. to which i promptly had the appropriate reaction of crying myself to sleep, sending that friend a text message with all the things he should know to keep that girl happy and ultimately smashing a lot of things (some bottles actually because we were gonna build a sculpture or something together with em. man middle school was a fucking RIDE)

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

mmmmmm i would prefer to keep those underwraps.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

family will be there for you in the end. (not because they want to but because the world teaches them that they have to meaning they will help just in their own way and to their own ends.) friends come and go. they always have always will. anyone who says forever is a fuckin idiot. lovers come and go thats just a natural part of growing up. and lets be real all the people that said they would self harm ultimately never did so dont stress it so much god damn(but dont let it slide either)

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

how about the end of my interest in anime and video games. nothing seems to really interest me anymore. everything is just kinda “meh”

#ask me shit #its fun to tell people way more shit than they wanted

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simplemlmsponsoring · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://simplemlmsponsoring.com/attraction-marketing-formula/copywriting/these-are-the-16-painful-lessons-i-learned-writing-10211-headlines-in-100-days/

These are the 16 painful lessons I learned writing 10,211 headlines in 100 days

Cue: instant anxiety attack.

In a Facebook group, I had just announced my experiment for the next 100 days:

Write 100 headlines for 100 companies in 100 days.

To which a certain someone posted this comment:

Joel is a Copy Hackers veteran. I have tremendous respect for him.

So I naturally felt nauseous when I read his words of… what’s another word for “dyspepsia”?

His follow-up comment didn’t help:

The room started spinning.

My breath was shallow. My stomach made tiger noises, and I might have peed a little. What the hell had I just committed to?

For some unimaginable reason, I soldiered on, convinced I could prove Mr. Joel Klettke and all the [super-sane] naysayers wrong. So I began….

The terrifying climb to 10,000 headlines: What I did every day for 100 days (even when it hurt)

Each day, I’d pick a topic to write 100 headlines about.

Oh, that’s another thing: every day, I’d write about a different topic. Because 100 headlines in 100 days wasn’t crazy enough – I needed to add that extra edge of insanity.

So each day I’d dive into a site for The Topic of the Day. Things like:

Pacific Shave Company The Fart Candle Quip Toothbrush

And I’d see what the players in that world were doing. (For consumer products, I’d check Amazon reviews just like Jo taught me.)

Then I’d write my headlines – more about that very soon – and share them with my growing list of 53 interested-in-watching-me-fall subscribers. My first few posts to those fine folks – which you can check out here – were ROUGH. See, I had no process. I was doing what we all do when we start writing copy but don’t really think about it as more than words on a page. My hacked process went like so:

I’d write as many headlines as I could (without a template or starting point), Identify themes in those headlines, Highlight a few words, Hit a wall and Glance at my list of ~400 headline formulas.

Each time I glanced at those formulas, I generated anywhere from 3 to 8 new headlines. Some stuck too close to the template. Some were the product of what was clearly the wrong mindset. Some went off the rails entirely. If you want to see how disparate a group of headlines written fast can be, check out my Tutorial Tuesday replay here, where I live-write a bunch of headlines in this reusable Airstory headlines template:

Sometimes I’d catch a hot streak and 100 headlines seemed to write themselves. Those days were magic.

It won’t surprise you to find that, as the days wore on and as 100 headlines turned into 2500 headlines, I learned a bunch of stuff. Like, I learned I’d need to adjust my voice rather than fit each topic into my voice – something I had completely overlooked during concept and something that was, alone, worth learning over the 100-day experiment.

That was a small lesson.

Five much larger lessons cropped up, which I’d love to share with you now (before we get into the pain of 10,211 headlines)…

The 5 big content lessons @prettyflycopy learned during his “100 headlines a day” experiment, on…Click To Tweet

Lesson 1: What headlines actually are.

Turns out each day was not an exercise in finding “100 ways for Justin to phrase things.”

It was an exercise in finding “100 value propositions for the company.”

Headlines are – very often – variations on a value proposition.

When I realized that, I found myself in a tricky spot. This was no longer a side experiment. This was a job. I was doing the work of copywriting. I instantly knew what Joel had hinted at:

The project might not be so fun.

BTW, I should mention I’m an in-house writer with a day job. So these posts were in addition to my full-time gig. And client work. And family time.

Lord help me if I had a lunch meeting – I had to tack on extra time in the evening. On weekends, replace “work” with “client work.” …Have I mentioned my wife is a saint?

Within 10 days, I could whip up 25 headlines in minutes – no template needed. Common formulas ingrained themselves in my brain and I started each day with lines like:

For ___ who want to ___ Get ___ without the ___ Helping ____ do ____ The only ____ that doesn’t ____ The (good news) inside (bad news)

These first headlines would never be the best of the bunch, but they eased me into the post. Writing them gave me a rhythm. I’d often find the germ of a better headline in the first attempts. It was the crappy first draft every copywriter needs.

As I mentioned, I started with about 400 headline formulas. As the first 10 days went by, I eliminated 110 formulas from my template. Some were duplicates, some were lazy… and others felt manipulative (more on that later). But a handful rose to the top.

By Day 20, I was rolling. I adapted recurring themes, discovered how to really empathize with the customer and found myself digging deeper. I even used a few lines in my client work and day job. And when I missed a single day? I felt so bad that, the following afternoon, I wrote 200 lines.

By now I was writing headlines like:

On Day 30, I felt like a whiz. Whipping 50-60 lines off the top of my head, no problemo. My subscriber list was growing. I started tinkering with themes from the 7 deadly sins, and I was sailing smooth. Sometimes a bad list of headlines cropped up, but no worries. I felt good. I felt alive.

I felt smart.

I should have expected what followed…

Day 40 brought complete and total burnout.

I was tired. I wasn’t sleeping. And my brain was drained.

Actual video of me at work

Also, my wife was over it. My kids had stopped asking me to play with them because they knew I’d say no. It was a dark time for the rebellion. If it weren’t for Joel’s quote on my screen – yes, I made it my screensaver – I might have given up.

On Day 50, I gave myself a day off. I still posted for my readers, but I didn’t write my 100 headlines. I broke the streak.

It felt GREAT, to be honest.

One day off wasn’t enough to make me a good family man again, but, hey, it was a start. Which brings me to…

Lesson 2: Take breaks.

Recharge your soul. Your sanity (and your family) will appreciate it.

By Day 50, I also changed the way I approached topics. I picked fun brands. There were a lot of Shark Tank products, weird Kickstarter campaigns and ridiculous items like mailable potatoes, light-up toilets, and wine for cats. Strange as it was, I loved these. I wrote headlines like:

Maybe this was my niche??

Just like that, two more big lessons smacked me in the brain…

Lesson 3: If you’re not enjoying the process, change the process.

This feeling might mean that you’re doing it wrong.

Keep tweaking until you find your fit.

And:

Lesson 4: The way you’re thinking about a “niche” may be entirely wrong.

I was looking for a category when I should have been looking for a voice.

The WHO mattered more than the WHAT.

Days 50-70 were light. I collaborated with other writers, like Lianna Patch, Alaura Weaver and Hillary Weiss, who let me write headlines for their existing content. Working with them made me step up my game. Because not only would I have to emulate their voice, but I’d also have their feedback. They’d be the judge of the lines.

Those posts made me feel so much less alone.

And I gained some street cred. People were reaching out to me, and I landed 3 podcast interviews. Recognizable names – like Joanna Wiebe! – subscribed to my recap or followed me on social.

I had become “The Headline Guy.”

I was getting faster, too. I could hit 80+ lines without referring to the list of formulas and often knocked out full lists of 100 headlines during lunch. This meant more free time at home with my family—something I did not take for granted.

By the time @prettyflycopy had written 7000 headlines, he started to get, well, kinda good at itClick To Tweet

On Day 71, I went full masochist.

I threw out the list of formulas.

I took 37 classic direct response headlines, printed them out… and that’s all I used for the last 29 posts. From that point forward, it was Eugene Schwartz, John Caples, Jay Abraham… and me.

Things got veeeery interesting.

I revisited previous topics, chose a few I was afraid to tackle earlier, and homed in on brands I thought would be fun. By focusing on the direct response examples, the lists became more emotional. I was hitting on fears and wishes. The lines had more story. More empathy.

But there was a dark side.

I teetered on clickbait. (BTW, I *hate* clickbait. In fact, an underlying theme of this project was to prove clickbait shouldn’t exist. I was tired of clicking ads that used the work of copywriting geniuses only to be taken to disappointing articles. Eyes on you, BuzzFeed-style-headlines.)

I wanted only to use the power of these direct response classics for good. Because I knew, with a little extra effort, writers could properly manage expectations. So I dove into the curiosity behind the lines and phrased them to be more positive.

The new style took longer to write – some posts clocked in at 2 hours – but that was OK. It meant I wasn’t coasting. I was challenging myself.

I also cashed in a few mental health days. I still posted but didn’t write a list of headlines. This helped me regulate my sanity, remember my kids and spend time with my wife. Plus, it eliminated the soul-crushing anxiety that paralyzed my brain when I blanked on ideas for topics. I needed those small breaks.

By this point, I was getting fast, I was getting good and I was finding my groove not with 100s of headline formulas but with a small list of awesome ones. Next up, I found myself diving deeper into emotions I hadn’t really explored in my copywriting before – emotions like:

Fear Frustration Powerlessness Anger Betrayal Revenge

The lines were good.

Probably some of the strongest I’d written.

But I didn’t like going to The Dark Side.

It felt manipulative. I realized that writing aggressive-style copy just isn’t me. More validation that – to me – voice is more important than topic.

On Day 90, I struck a balance between bolder emotions and the formulas I had memorized. I went back to The Light Side. Security, happiness, relaxation, hope. Ah, now this was me. And my headlines were – objectively – far better than where they’d been back at Day 20 or when I went to the Dark Side. Here’s a snapshot of Day 95:

At Day 100, I was ecstatic. I had written 10,211 lines. 100 days of posting. 106 days of writing headlines. Yes, it took a few extra days, but nobody seemed to care.

Lesson 5: Family first. Always.

I had learned a ton.

Mostly, that The Headline Project wasn’t fair to my family. I was a shitty husband and father for 3 months. I know that’s not the lesson you want to read, but I cannot overstate the importance of family first. I’m lucky the damage I caused was only temporary. Now my wife smiles and my kids rush me for hugs again when I come home. Because it’s playtime.

As for what I learned during the whole process, well, that’s the whole reason you’re reading this, isn’t it?

So, here we go…

16 hard-earned headline takeaways 1. There are no shortcuts.

Do the work.

No hacks, article, or template can match putting on the gloves and getting dirty. There comes a time to stop reading and start doing. Practice makes permanent. It’s the only way to make things stick.

2. Clear beats clever. But sometimes you can do both.

Some of my favorite lines were direct and infused with personality.

Like these ones:

Once you learn to think on your feet, it doesn’t matter where you’re standing (Dumore Improv) Sorry. We don’t believe in wedgies (Pair of Thieves Underwear) Send a potato. It’ll still be funny when you’re sober (Potato Parcel) Just because dating can be awkward doesn’t mean you need to be (Nuphero Pheromone Spray) Where we write like Ogilvy & drink like Hemingway (The Copywriter Club)

They’re fun, but and they make sense. Those headlines all came late in the day’s post – often in the last half – so you need to dig.

Dig to find the best copy, via @copyhackers @prettyflycopyClick To Tweet

3. Don’t force your personality.

Sometimes I made light of sensitive topics. The biohazard cleaning post comes to mind.

But if you need these guys, it’s not a time to joke. Don’t put funny where funny doesn’t belong.

(Yes, this may sound contradictory to the whole voicey-nichey thing, but it’s not. This is something that wouldn’t be in my niche. See, I struggle to keep myself out of my writing. I need to find brands where that’s a fit.)

4. Boring topics don’t need to be boring.

Some of the tech sites were super nerdy. Bland copy for good software. And it’s a shame because they’re products that everyone can use.

However, the average consumer couldn’t understand what they do.

Surprisingly, these posts were fun to write once I swapped features for benefits:

Make your data sexy (Plotly graphing software) Helping families make it through long weekends without WiFi (Duracell batteries) Park your domains in a friendly lot (Domahub) Speed reading isn’t a skill. It’s a Chrome extension (Spritz speed reading app) How to animate your presentations like Pixar (Whiteboard animation agency)

I mean, I’m still not the guy to pitch a tech company. But if they asked me to explore the mainstream, I could give it a go.

5. Learn what you suck at.

Brands targeting women ain’t my thang. And that’s OK. Knowing this helped me turn down a project I now know I never could’ve done right.

6. Great things happen when you become your audience.

Remember Freaky Friday, The Change-Up or The Hot Chick? Or any of the other bazillion movies where characters change bodies?

After the initial flow of lines ended, I’d close my eyes and imagine myself as the consumer.

I’d mentally put myself in their body and ask myself:

Who would I be? What would I want? How would I feel? Which pains hurt most? What’s missing in my life?

Suddenly, the headlines were easier to write.

7. Writing headlines for a company you *think* you want to work with may result in a very different outcome.

I wrote 100 lines for a brand I had unsuccessfully cold-pitched.

Turns out, I struggled to find their voice.

I’m glad they didn’t get back to me. I wouldn’t have been a good fit. Now, before I reach out to a company, I practice.

Y’know, just in case they say yes.

8. Consumer products can be surprisingly fun to write about *if* they provide real value.

I never wrote much about physical goods before this.

But 7 of my top 11 posts were for products. And they were fun! I didn’t love writing about things you buy just to have (e.g., shirts, toys, grilling accessories), but if it adds value to your life – even if just a laugh – I’m all about it.

9. Google Images is a gold mine.

The day I accidentally clicked “image results” was a game changer.

I was writing about owl rescue, and I was stumped. When I saw the pictures, memes, movie stills and gifs, it was an awakening. The Harry Potter theme alone provided enough inspiration to finish the post. I never would’ve made that connection.

Now, whenever I get stuck, I go straight to images.

10. Write like Dr. Seuss.

Let your mind get silly. Funny rhymes, alliteration and a little wackiness are great for getting into a flow.

No, you’re not going to use them on your final product. But the path they lead you down might take you to your goal.

Here’s what I mean:

Rain, rain, go away. I’ll stay dry & watch them play (Under The Weather Sports Pods) Would you, could you, on a boat? (Florida Sailing Club) Sticks and stones may break your bones, but my words will make you money (Pretty Fly Copy) (ß actually, I did use this one on my final product) 11. Bold the important words.

Identify the keywords in your sentence.

Delete the rest.

Now go make new sentences with what remains. Tinker enough and you’ll find your line.

12. Templates have a place in this world.

I’ve never been one to rely on templates. It always felt like color-by-numbers. But now I see, when you add your own spin, they have tremendous value.

That being said, here’s an Airstory template with the headline formulas I used during my 100 days. To help you kick-start your own headline writing.

Use the formulas in Airstory 13. Clickbait is never OK and I will punch you in the face if you say different.

Because it’s lazy. In one post, I intentionally wrote in BuzzFeed’s style and it took zero skill. No effort, no challenge and no concentration. I could’ve written it while riding bareback on a zebra and cooking soup.

Stop wasting curiosity headlines on disappointing articles. It makes people hate you.

Instead, focus. If you’ve got a great headline on a shitty article, rewrite the article. You’re better than that.

14. “Copywriters aren’t born. They practice.”

I don’t know who to attribute this quote to, but they’re right.

Writing 10,000 headlines helped me nail messaging more than reading any article ever could.

Now instead of sifting through 41 million search results, I’m writing better.

15. Hard work never gets easier.

This project was like shooting myself with a gun each day to build a tolerance to bullets. It never didn’t hurt. But I learned I can take the pain.

16. Everything I learned about how to find my niche was wrong.

Wrong for me, I mean.

I was all over the map for 3 months. Sporting goods, bottomless muffins, poop-scented candles… You name it, I wrote about it.

And here’s what I found: the voice of the brand matters just as much as what they sell.

I want to work with fun, casual brands. Because that’s who I am.

The voice of the brand matters just as much as what they sell via @copyhackers @prettyflycopyClick To Tweet

So, I’m helping web-based services with taglines and easy-to-read copy. Simple messages for complicated businesses. It’s not something I ever would’ve focused on before, but it turns out, I’m pretty darn good at it.

TBH, between you and me, I’m still trying to figure it out…

Day 100: So, can I take on Caples, Schwartz and Ogilvy now?

Writing 100 headlines a day doesn’t mean I can beat a control.

It means I can think quicker and faster. It means the common formulas are familiar and I have a mental database to pull from. It means I can dig deeper than most people. I won’t stop until I strike gold. Oh, and I can probably find said gold in less time.

But am I better than YOUR best line? Well, that depends on you.

To win you need to test. You need to study your audience and feel their pain. And you need to be able to solve it. I explored ways to help people, but I never actually did it. I did write some great headlines though…

Should you do an experiment like The Headline Project?

A lot of people reached out to me when I finished. People wanted to work with me. People wrote to me the same way I write to those I admire.

Even Joel Klettke gave me a virtual pat on the back.

Best part was: it felt earned. I didn’t feel like an imposter.

The Headline Project gave me a seat at the big kid’s table. It crushed me at times, but it built me back up. It allowed me to re-prioritize my family into first position, and it gave me a path. More importantly, it grew the quality of my network. Admirable writers are now acquaintances. I’ve spoken at a summit. I’ve been recognized at events. And people email me for advice.

Would I recommend you do it? Maybe.

Anyone CAN do it. There’s nothing special about me. This wasn’t any easier for me than it would be for you. The only difference is that I did it.

And I’m glad I did…

…But I’m happy it’s over.

Stop waiting for permission.

There comes a point when you need to walk away from more lessons, more training, more videos – and get to work.

I didn’t get paid for The Headline Project. Nobody told me to write. I just did it.

So whatever your big idea is – a blog challenge, growing your list, finding your voice – whatever thing you’ve been reading about for months, you don’t need approval to begin.

And if permission is the thing you’ve been waiting for, here it is. I give you permission to start.

Go do something cool.

~justin

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

The post These are the 16 painful lessons I learned writing 10,211 headlines in 100 days appeared first on Copywriting for startups and marketers.