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toujokaname · 2 years ago

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A Handsome Man In The Midst Of Good Luck / Episode 7

Author: Chitose Umeda

Characters: Niki, HiMERU, Kaoru, Rei

"Kukuku... As expected, you expertly dodged and put an end to the conversation, didn't you?"

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Season: Winter

Location: Diner

Niki: I accidentally left my wallet and phone behind when I went out. I couldn't go shopping, and I was too hungry to go back to the dorms.

While I was in a daze, I heard a familiar voice...

I'm glad I was able to grab your leg before hunger got the better of me, HiMERU-kun!

HiMERU: HiMERU was wondering what on earth could have happened...

Kaoru: I know, right~? Because when we looked down at our feet, we saw Shiina-kun on the verge of collapse.

Rei: ...I was surprised at that, too. And I am also surprised at the amount of food Shiina-kun can eat.

Niki: Really? This is normal, right?

By the way, I've tasted everything before eating, so there's no need to worry about it!

Rei: My goodness... Dear me, just looking at it makes me feel full.

Niki: I mean. I'd be more surprised about HiMERU-kun than me! Did you see the lottery results attached to the package?!

If the campaign is to win between a free ticket and a discount ticket in a lottery, normally most of the tickets should be discount tickets―

But every time he flipped a ticket, he got a free one! With this many free tickets, you can have infinite french fries!

HiMERU: The exchange period will start at a later date, so you can't use them now, Shiina.

Niki: Oh, that's right. I guess I'll have to wait for the infinite fries another time, unfortunately... *Munch munch*

Kaoru: See?! Let's talk more about the results. This is too much luck, you know.

Rei: Well, considering HiMERU-kun's good fortune today, perhaps it's to be expected...

Niki: ? HiMERU-kun's good fortune?

Come to think of it, why are you two with HiMERU-kun? It's an unusual combination, isn't it?

Rei: Kukuku. It is a long tale, would you like to hear it?

Niki: Nah, I'm busy eating, so please make it quick.

HiMERU: ―Let HiMERU explain. It's not a big deal...

A few minutes later

Niki: Huuh, so something like that really happened.

But I understand why HiMERU-kun went out to town. If he got caught by Rinne-kun, I'm sure it'd be bad for me too.

Kaoru: Would it really be as bad as you say?

After all, high school students can't enter pachinko parlors, and they can't buy betting tickets because they're under the age of 20... I think there'd be many restrictions.

Niki: He'd use every possible trick to get through them.

HiMERU: That man is Amagi, after all.

Niki: I'm sure he'd be happy to drag HiMERU-kun around with him, and take advantage of his good luck by squeezing it out of him.

Rei: I have heard a lot of things said about him from other people...

Niki: Nahaha. I wonder if Rinne-kun is sneezing somewhere because of the gossip we spread about him~

HiMERU: ...Shiina. You don't have to split the free tickets. HiMERU will give them all to you.

Niki: Ehh, why?! Don't you wanna have infinite fries?!

HiMERU: HiMERU is concerned about the carbohydrates and calories. And besides, you would be happier if you got to enjoy the french fries, Shiina.

Niki: I'm seriously super grateful, but... HiMERU-kun, you don't seem to be happy after winning so much.

Listening to the story, I felt that you weren't happy at all, even though you must've had a bunch of good luck.

Kaoru: That's right~ HiMERU-kun has been composed like this the whole time.

Niki: If someone said to me, "You are the five millionth visitor!" I'd be so happy and be like, "For real~?!"

Even if that didn't happen, I think I'd feel happy if someone just congratulated me.

And what's more, these free tickets! The thought of infinite fries awaiting me makes my heart skip a beat and my chest pound!

HiMERU: ―HiMERU is glad that Shiina is happy.

Niki: ...But you're not saying that you're "also" happy. I want HiMERU-kun to be happy, too.

HiMERU-kun, why isn't your heart pounding with excitement?

Kaoru: ...I thought it was strange, too, so I asked him about it. But in the end, I didn't get an answer.

Rei: "I've not had the luck I desire..." He said something along those lines before meeting with Shiina-kun.

Niki: Hmm? So if HiMERU-kun gets the luck he desires, he'll also be happy, right?

The luck for HiMERU-kun, the luck that HiMERU-kun wants to have. What exactly is it?

HiMERU: .........

―For example, let's say this.

Suppose HiMERU finds a hat to his liking on this particular day. Or, suppose that he finds a delicious cup of coffee.

Rei & Kaoru: ?

HiMERU: Due to that good encounter, HiMERU would have the feeling of joy that Shiina describes.... He would be happy.

But that's because HiMERU usually collects hats and drinks a lot of coffee...

It's because it's what he likes. A good hat, a good cup of coffee.

It is not luck that makes him think he has found "something good". HiMERU's happiness is based on his tastes and preferences.

Niki: ...Mmm~? Is it like when people who don't like spicy food aren't happy when they're offered all-you-can-eat spicy food?

Just because you can eat to your heart's content doesn't mean you have to be happy about it.

HiMERU: ...Fufu. It's a Shiina-like way of thinking, but it's not wrong.

If HiMERU had met him by chance on his travels, he might have felt "lucky"...

Time is running out for HiMERU to embark on a journey to see if such an event could be a blessing in disguise.

After all, it's only today that HiMERU will be extremely lucky.

Kaoru: ...I've never thought about it like that before. Even though he's younger than us, HiMERU-kun thinks like an adult.

I'm sorry for getting excited around you even though I was just tagging along. It must've been annoying.

HiMERU: That is unthinkable. HiMERU appreciates the fact that you were happy on his behalf. He didn't want to ruin the occasion.

Besides. It may not have been the best of luck for HiMERU, but it was surprisingly not bad.

Rei: Oh?

HiMERU: It seems that there were moments when the senpai had fun and were happy. Shiina was also pleased.

Everywhere we went, people congratulated HiMERU. Everyone had a smile on their face.

Bringing smiles to many people's faces is a great honor for an idol.

Rei: Kukuku... As expected, you expertly dodged and put an end to the conversation, didn't you?

In the end, we still do not know what good fortune is for HiMERU-kun.

For now, I think it is good to hear HiMERU-kun say that he is happy to see the smiles of those around him as an idol ♪

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#chitose umeda #scout story #lucky scramble #niki #himeru #kaoru #rei

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maleyanderecafe · 1 year ago

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House Check (Visual Novel)

Created by: peridon

Genre: BL

Phew, the #yanjam this year has me running around all over the place, which is so nice but it's a lot of games. House Check is an interesting one because the protagonist, Arlon, is the yandere in this one coming into his crush's house and spying on him. Currently, since it's a demo, there isn't a whole lot, but it does set up the suspense of what may come in the future.

The game starts with Owen talking to someone on the phone, seemingly desperate for them to not leave. We immediately cut to Arlon, who has went into Owen's house after he went out to teach, with Arlon letting himself in to check on the house. Arlon checks throughout the house with descriptive details on Owen's day to day life, from the number of eggs Owen has eaten to the types of TV shows he watches. After he's done checking the house and finds nothing strange, he wonders about Owen's increased phone calls. The next day, Owen gets a call revealing that he loves someone before leaving the house. Arlon comes in worried that he's falling for someone, but clears his mind to do the check in his room. He finds a handkerchief inside one of the bags embroidered with the name Diana. At home, Arlon laments about how Owen has taken a trip to Pablo and how he can't watch over him. As Arlon ponders about their relationship, his two maids Jerelyn and Freya worry over him as Arlon attempts to get the two to stop bothering him. Meanwhile, Owen seems to be hanging out with another women named Lyra who is comforting Owen and the two hang out for ice cream.

Arlon upon seeing them and entering the room starts to freak out because he feels Lyra's traces everywhere. As a result, Arlon attempts to clean everything to purify Owen's place from Lyra's corruption, even in places that she likely didn't touch, disgusted by her. He calms down after cleaning everything, but has a nightmare the next day with Lyra taunting him. He wakes up crying with the maids attempting to comfort him. He asks the two maids about Pablo and if they have any experience there while also revealing that he has a crush on someone.

So far, House Check is fairly short but I think has a good premise so far. Like I said earlier, it's generally pretty rare for me to find a game with a male lead as a yandere and I always think it's interesting as we get to see more into their thoughts and actions on why they do what they do. It usually shows up more in BL type stories (for obvious reasons) but I think it can work with a female lead as well, so as long as we see the world from the male lead. I digress though, we don't know too much about who Owen is seeing, though we do know he seems to have a strained relationship with this Diana character. I am curious to see how Arlon and Owen initially met, especially since Arlon seems to be stuck at home most of the time.

Speaking of Arlon, I am actually curious to see if Owen is aware at all of Arlon's presence. Arlon seems to describe Owen as a "dear friend" but we never see Owen interacting with him in any capacity, making me believe he's likely a delusional yandere. Considering how he believes that it's okay to break into Owen's house and clean everything for him (because he's such a good friend) it's not incredibly surprising, but I do think that Owen likely just doesn't know that Arlon exists. Arlon of course also seems to periodically watch and stalk Owen through cameras and knows a bit too much about his life, even going to his apartment to clean it. His reaction to seeing Lyra in his house is interesting as well, seeing he has a sense of seeing other people who might take him away as "corrupting him" causing him to clean every surface. These kinds of yanderes can often have a interesting backstory to why they might be like this, so perhaps this might be due to why Arlon seems to be at home most of the time if he's not breaking into Owen's apartment.

Overall, the game itself so far is pretty interesting in terms of premise. I'm curious to see where it will go since I think it can be a pretty dark game if the creator so deems it. If you like the premise of it so far, please give the demo a try.

#House Check #male yandere #yandere #yandere boy #recomendation #visual novel #ongoing

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universestreasures · 9 months ago

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The Future Force & The Millenium Items: How Would They Clash?

Note: In canon, Gao can harness the Future Force as well, but he cannot do it on command like Tasuku can and has only used it for the most part during Buddyfights (because plot). Though, I am unsure if I will have him get this power in his Yu-Gi-Oh! DM verse or not, since I am still deciding what 'canon' Buddyfight events can reasonably happen for this verse. So, we'll just focus on it in the context of Tasuku for now.

The Future Force, as I've described before such as on this post, is a power Tasuku possesses that allows him to manifest the power of Buddyfight cards into physical reality. The cards can be any cards he has access to, not just the ones in his own deck. It can be accessed through any 'Core Gadget', aka a Buddyfight Deck case / Duel Disk Equivalent that he is holding, but of course, he channels it the majority of the time through his own, the Star Pulsar. It manifests in his hair growing out long, a visual presentation of the power coming from another time flowing through him. He does not physically age using this power, however.

This power comes from his Future Self in the most literal sense. While we do not know the specifics of the power's origins or how Tasuku acquired it, we do know that according to Buddyfight Lore, if there is not a Tasuku alive in the future of the time period he is present in, he cannot use the power whatsoever (Buddyfight 100 shows this plainly when they travel to the future.). I like to think it comes from the power /potential his own future itself has/ a strong belief for the future, and the fact he is the 'Boy of Destiny' fated to save and protect the world and its future.

(Side Note Before We Continue: We know the power isn't exclusive, as I said at the top with Gao. That means there could be other potential candidates out there who could harness the power from their future selves. This could lead to interesting interactions perhaps. Like TBH, I feel like Kaiba might be an actual candidate for Future Force specifically because of his own potential future strength, belief in the future, and his own fate as a reincarnation of Priest Seto. But that's food for thought for another day. I just thought I'd mention it before moving on)

Now, with this power being at play, it brings into question how this power would interact with the main supernatural power in Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Millenium Items.

The 7 Millenium Items are ancient Egyptian artifacts harassing dark and shadow magic to do all sorts of powerful things dependent on the item. While they have a dark origin, these items as seen in the series, can be used for good or for evil. This is already a sharp contrast to the Future Force, which is specifically portrayed as a 'good' or 'heroic' power that is contrasted by its dark counterpart, the Disaster Force.

So, how would these powers interact? I do think it depends on the item. For items like the Necklace, Puzzle, Scale, that do not directly do anything to another individual for the most part, the powers would not interact. For every other item, I do think they'd clash in the sense they'd either cancel each other out or their ability has no effect on the other. Let me illustrate with some examples.

Rod: We know from the manga, if I recall, the Rod needs to physically touch someone in order to have it's mind control power used on them. Since one can manifest barrier-related cards into reality (Example: Green Dragon Shield or Earth Barrier), I think those would protect Tasuku from being affected/controlled. Though, his powers would not be able to break the Rod or its mind control on someone else, just like the Rod wouldn't be able to seal any cards he's brought to life back in their original form (like how it could with monsters in Ancient Egypt). Key/Ring: Tasuku could protect himself from his mind being entered or his soul being manipulated or sealed. However, he could not stop the item's user from going into someone's mind or manipulating their soul. He could still be tracked by the Ring as well, but I imagine if he is using his power, the tracking stops. Eye: Tasuku would be protected from having his mind or soul read in addition to his soul sealed in a Soul Prison, but he cannot prevent someone else's mind from being read or sealed away, or using his power to free someone from a Soul Prison. Shadow Game: If he was brought into a Shadow Game space, I imagine the powers of that space would not affect him as much (similar to how Atem could handle it during the game with Pegasus while Yugi could not). However, he also wouldn't be able to fully dispel it either if he was not involved. Object or Power Clash: I do not think any cards manifested by the Future Force (Example: Dragonblade, Dragobrave) or Millennium Items could break each other in a physical clash. I think they'd just have a collision and be sent flying back.

In short, the powers basically either cancel each other out or just do not effect the other directly when clashing. The biggest exception to this rule, and Tasuku's advantage if facing a Millenium Item User, is that Tasuku could bring physical harm if he uses his powers to manifest cards and have them physically attack the user (like swinging his Dragonblade, Dragobrave for example, or having one of his monsters or spells restrain the other).

Keep in mind though, Tasuku doesn't use his powers unless he HAS to and wouldn't go fighting someone using it willy-nilly. Usually, they are either used to save another or to defend themselves or innocents or friends against someone who also has a similar power (Like the Disaster Force). His view is that this power is meant to help people first and foremost. He also would not use it to kill because despite wanting to bring justice to people who deserve it like criminals, he is not a killer.

Any instances in which Tasuku would use the Future Force in general for an offensive or defensive purpose against any non-NPC, for this verse or otherwise, are typically ones that I discuss with a mun prior due to its overpowered nature and the fact it's used in extreme circumstances.

Anyway, thank you for reading this food for thought of mine and I hope it brings clarity to anyone who may have been wondering how this would go from my POV. Of course, all of this stuff could be debated depending on the interaction. This is just my two cents on it. I'm flexible.

#💎 Wonder Treasure (Tasuku Ryuenji)#💎 Wonder's Glimmers And Glitz (Tasuku Headcanons)#💎 Wonder's Game Of Life (Tasuku Yu-Gi-Oh! DM Verse)#tw long post #(Thought I'd throw this out there since I imagine this kind of interaction is likely to happen at some point #(and just more about tasukus powers in general #(Hope this helps anyone who might needed more info!

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depressedhangrybitch · 1 year ago

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I feel like we don't really talk about Thomas Midgely Jr.

The man who is single-handedly responsible for creating the 2 most destructive chemicals of the 20 century. Chemicals that should have never been created.

So I am here to change that.

While Thomas Midgely died in November 1944. At the time of his death, the public sang his praises and his contributions to the automobile industry and coolant industries. Today, however, he is effectively canceled. If you ever Google him you won't find any positive on him.

Thomas started his career at the National registered company or NCR in Ohio where another one of his colleagues started his path to fame Charles Kettering, who was also relatively famous because of his contributions to the automobile industry.

He was famous for creating the first electric cashier register and electric ignition system which changed the locomotive industry.

Which brings us to what his inventions actually were.

Deadly Invention #1

Leaded gasoline:

Kettering was originally the one who tasked Midgely to solve the pesky and horrible problem of engine knocking. Engine knocking wasn't just any sound, it was a sensation that was felt by people throughout their driving in the cars of that time. This knocking also sometimes suddenly stopped the power flow to the engine which was quite problematic as a car just suddenly stopping anywhere could both be dangerous and unpredictable.

Midgely soon realized that this was not an engineering problem but a chemistry problem, and while Midgely was passionate about chemistry he wasn't a chemist. So to start his research he took the basis of chemistry as his starting point.

The periodic table.

Midgley tested 33000 compounds and finally came to a solution.

LURIUM.

The engine knocking was dissipated by lurium however, lurium left a 'satanic garlic smell' in its wake which was not a solution Midgeley was looking for.

Midgely however soon concluded that, the heavier the element that is added to petrol, the more the knocking dissipated. Which was finally what turned him to lead. He tested this by adding a spoonful of lead to the engine and BOOM!! as if by magic the knocking completely dissipated.

This virtually overturned the automobile industry overnight. The limitations that first made people reluctant to buy a car were gone and thus registered car users in the US tripled exponentially.

However, this had dire consequences. Today, it is suspected that over 40000 - 80000 people especially children died every year of lead poisoning between the first usage of leaded gasoline to its ban.

But how did we find out about lead poisoning?

Enter Dr. Clair Patterson, he initially had the plan to measure the age of the earth by dating the oldest rocks known to mankind, however, he soon realized that he cannot truly get rid of lead from his lab which is a crucial thing to do in the dating process. He soon noticed that lead was everywhere due to emissions. In the blood of a human, in the hair of a human body, rocks that are far away from inhabited towns.

Dr. Clair Patterson, the man who suffered for his accomplishments.

Due to his efforts, gasoline was finally banned in the US but people still suffer through its consequences. But why did it take so long and such hardships to ban leaded gasoline?

The main reason is that lead poisoning is very subtle until the very end. When lead enters the bloodstream the RBCs confuse it with other minerals that the cells actually need that are zinc, iron, etc.. Since lead mimics other viral minerals so well cells absorb them and this began their dance of death. Slowly they self-destruct and since there is no communication the brain fails to understand what is happening with the body as lead blocks neurotransmitters amongst the cells.

Perhaps I will explain more about Dr. Patterson's journey to ban leaded gasoline in a later post.

Now we are finally at

Deadly Invention #2

CFCs or chlorofluorocarbons

It was an age-old problem, i.e. to actually reverse the effect of heat on food items and to actually make a machine that emitted cold instead of warmth. which was when Midgley had another stroke of genius; CFCs.

Before the invention of CFC, companies used coolants such as ammonia, sulfur dioxide, and methyl chloride. But ammonia was notorious after the disastrous catastrophe in an ice manufacturing plant that got destroyed because ammonia in that building caught on fire. sulphur dioxide and methyl chloride on the other hand were toxic gases and caused deaths all around the country.

The situation genuinely got so bad that the government almost passed a law that banned the usage of home fridges.

Midgley was once again tasked with another problem to solve. Find a coolant that was actually both safe and effective in its job.

Once again Midgley knew the answer will come from his passion, chemistry. He narrowed down the elements in the periodic table that were gaseous at low temperatures. finally, there was one element that caught his eye; fluorine.

Now, fluorine was highly toxic on its own, however, Midgley was hoping to combine it with another element that will together make a stable compound and render fluorine non-toxic.

In just a few hours, Midgley and his team came up with a compound in which they combine fluorine, chlorine, and carbon. a new class of compounds called chlorofluorocarbons or CFCs.

Kettering finally concluded that this compound was non-toxic, non-flammable, and essentially safe for both humans and animals. He quickly partnered with DuPont to commercially start the sale of this compound in bulk after a successful previous partnership with the company over leaded gasoline. CFC was finally ready for commercial sale under the catchy name 'Freon'.

In 1932, it finally made its debut. The timing was near perfect, 15 more people were killed by methyl chloride leak. Just like leaded gasoline, it was an overnight sensation and by 1939 DuPont sold 8 million fridges.

Soon other companies used this compound to create a new AC cabinet. It was not actually the freon that caused environmental damages but actually when freon was repurposed into a handheld product that will be catastrophic for the environment and whose price we are still paying today.

By the 1970s, freon was used in almost everything, from ACs to hair sprays.

It was around the time when 2 scientists created the aerosol version of freon to be used as an insecticide mist which gave birth to the aerosol industry that one scientist found out the disastrous consequences of CFCs.

Enter James Lovelock, the scientist who found out the environmental effects of freon in a most unexpected way.

i mean look at that face. so happy and cute. that is the face of the man whose passion and wife is science.

Lovelock actually began this drastic discovery when one day he decided to know whether the haze in front of his house was actually natural mist or chemical compounds from the urban cities. In order to measure this he created a device that will help him accurately measure the synthetic compounds in the air with an accuracy never seen before. In order to measure this, he went on a grand sea voyage from England to Antarctica and just like Dr. Patterson he found out that high concentrations of CFC's emissions were everywhere.

Lovelock presented his findings at a scientific conference in 1976, his findings intrigued 2 chemists who decided to research further on this issue. They found out that unlike other chemicals CFCs had no natural sinks in the earth where they can be naturally dissolved.

Since there were no natural sinks the gas went upwards and accumulated in the upper atmosphere. while roaming in the upper atmosphere the sun's UV rays will ultimately break it down. This chemical reaction will release chlorine from CFCs and thus begins the process of destruction of the ozone layer.

CHEMICAL REACTIONS TO UNDERSTAND BETTER.

Chlorine singlehandedly was responsible for the ozone hole in the atmosphere of Antarctica. this caused an immediate alarm amongst the scientific community because as we all know ozone layer provides a protective layer against the sun's UV rays and prevents us from catching numerous fatal health conditions, most common being skin cancer.

If the emission of CFCs continues at this rate then half of the earth's ozone layer will be gone by 2050. What's more is that in places like DC or Paris, just being outside for 5 minutes will cause severe sunburns. Skin cancer rate will skyrocket and by 2065 plant life will be affected. There will be a decrease in co2 absorption during photosynthesis in plants.

After the Montreal Protocol and international collaboration, CFC was finally banned in 1982. However, the ozone layer destroyed by Midgeley's compound since its use from the 1920s to 1970s is not expected to recover till 2050.

and this is the story of Dr. Thomas Midgely Jr.

next will be perhaps Dr. Clair Patterson.

#history #global warming #global history #science #mad scientist #engineering #lead gasoline #cfc #people #NEED TO LEARN THIS #i need to learn this #today i learned

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46ten · 2 years ago

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“Let me tell you...” Hamilton to Laurens, 16Sept1780

History of this letter: it is currently with the Massachusetts Historical Society. It may have once been in the possession of Tristram Coffin (I do not know how he came to be in possession of letters to John Laurens; see my prior post on how the 30June1780 letter came to be in possession of the Hamilton family) and perhaps donated to them. The MHS may have more details about how they came to acquire this letter.

I do not know when this letter first makes an appearance in Hamilton biographies. We can be fairly certain that the Hamilton family was not in possession of this letter through the 19th century: John Church Hamilton noted (1840) that the only letter he had received in response to an inquiry was the April1779 letter from his father to Laurens, and by publication of his History of the Republic vol 2 (late 1850s-early 1860s) they had the Aug1782 letter from Laurens to Hamilton. This letter also does not appear in Henry Cabot Lodge’s Alexander Hamilton (1882) nor can I find it in his Works of Alexander Hamilton (1904-1910) or Allan McLane Hamilton’s The Intimate Life (1910), both of whom had access to the Hamilton family papers. Notably, the missing 12Sept1780 letter from Laurens to Hamilton also does not appear in any of these volumes, suggesting that it was lost well before the earliest biographies of AH supported by his family. Before any nefarious conclusion is drawn, I’ll state that an enormous number of letters are missing, including at least 30 letters to Elizabeth Schuyler/Hamilton between 1780 and 1781, and she would have been most likely to preserve her husband’s letters to her. We can also consider James McHenry’s comments on AH’s forgetfulness/carelessness with letters sent to him:

...recollecting that you are a little subject to lose [letters] by not putting them into your [pockets]...McHenry to AH, Oct1792

And that AH sometimes destroyed the letters he received:

I will willingly testify what you mention respecting Mr Cabot but having torn up your letter trusting to my memory...AH to Wolcott, 13Jun1795

It’s in some of the links below, so I’ll briefly state that AH marrying while still in military service is unusual, even rare, among his social circle. Almost everyone else waits until their military service or public duties are complete before marrying, even if it means that their courtships span years. But AH was also desperately unhappy in early 1780 - in a letter to Laurens (8Jan1780), he wrote:

I am chagrined and unhappy but I submit. In short Laurens I am disgusted with every thing in this world but yourself and very few more honest fellows and I have no other wish than as soon as possible to make a brilliant exit. ’Tis a weakness; but I feel I am not fit for this terrestreal Country.

About a month later, and after a few other recorded flirtations/romances of AH with other women during that period, Elizabeth Schuyler enters the picture (according to a letter from Kitty Livingston to Sarah Jay, ES arrived in Morristown in February 1780). By early April, their engagement is approved by her parents. Fast forward to Sept 1780, and only ten days before this letter to Laurens, AH wrote ES the following [6Sept1780]:

I was once determined to let my existence and American liberty end together. My Betsey has given me a motive to outlive my pride...

AH’s disgust with the operation of the army and repeated refusals to give him a rank and command commensurate with his abilities/experience continues, but now at least he has an alternative, the opportunity to make another life-plan. Indeed, around this time he is planning a 6+ month leave from the army following his wedding, which they were at this time anticipating for early November at the latest. Philip Schuyler is in and out of headquarters, likely contributing to the wedding talk, and McHenry also likely composes and send his wedding poem to AH at this time. In the above 6Sept1780 letter to ES is also where he composed these lines subsequently crossed out:

Do you know my sensations when I see the sweet characters from your hand? Yes you do, by comparing [them] with your [own] for my Betsey [loves] me and is [acquainted] with all the joys of fondness. [Would] you [exchange] them my dear for any other worthy blessings? Is there any thing you would put in competition[,] with one glowing [kiss] of [unreadable], anticipate the delights we [unreadable] in the unrestrained intercourses of wedded love, and bet your heart joins mine in [fervent] [wishes] to heaven that [all obstacles] and [interruptions] May [be] speedily [removed].

So this is what we have of AH’s headspace re ES around this time: romantic, quite lustful, eager to be married to her.

Before my analysis, I encourage comparison to the content, tone and language in AH’s letter to Laurens of 12Sept1780. Especially towards the end of that letter, AH is notably direct about his feelings and emotions, even confessional. This is the emotionally honest AH, complaining about the conditions of the army.

Yet AH wrote Laurens again only four days later, having received a letter that he must have felt he needed to promptly respond to: “I wrote you fully by the post and have just time to tell you that I have received your letter of the 8th.” In this 16Sept1780 letter, AH is friendly, but the confessional aspect is missing. Whatever was in that 8Sept1780 letter has upset him a bit, which we will see below. Breaking it down:

I wrote you fully by the post and have just time to tell you that I have received your letter of the 8th.1 & that tomorrow morning I set out with the General for Hartford to an interview with the French General and Admiral.2 My hopes increase, that Guichen is coming to enable us to act.3 For your own sake, for my sake, for the public sake, I shall pray for the success of the attempt4 you mention; that you may have it in your power to act with us. But if you should be disappointed, bear it like a man; and have recourse, neither to the dagger, nor to the poisoned bowl, nor to the rope.

AH is urging Laurens to not attempt an honorable death, and in poetic terms. If suicide was AH’s serious concern, I doubt he would phrase it so cutely: “the poisoned bowl.” I also don’t think the rest of the letter would continue in the tone or with the content it does, with the frequent references to AH’s fiancee and his wedding.

That you can speak only of your private affairs shall be no excuse for your not writing frequently. Remember that you write to your friends, and that friends have the same interests, pains, pleasures, sympathies; and that all men love egotism.

AH is reminding Laurens to write - to his friends - which I do not think he’d spend time doing if he were seriously concerned Laurens was suicidal.

In spite of Schuylers black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for my friends [above insert] you; so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; - a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now.

This is the first (and only) letter where AH refers to Laurens’ impatience to see him married. Within the context of what was going on in early September - McHenry sending the poem to AH about his wedding, AH discussing his planned leave, AH expressing elsewhere that marriage and military service should not mix - also see this post also linked below on “Empire of Hymen” - I suspect talk about AH’s upcoming wedding - which they had at this time planned for late October/early November - had reached Laurens.

We can only guess that there was a “hurry up and get married so you cease to be preoccupied with your wedding to her and can focus on Army/public goals” notion in the missing 8Sept1780 letter, perhaps also in response to AH’s 12Sept1780 letter where he was clearly openly expressing his troubles. Perhaps Laurens felt once AH was married to ES, his frustration would lessen, although we cannot be sure. In this conjecture, I am informed by both Laurens’ and the Marquis de Lafayette’s examples of husbands who certainly placed military duty over matrimony. But does AH share this belief? AH expressed the following sentiments to ES (20Jul1780): “I hope for a decisive campaign. No one will desire it more than me; for a military life is now grown insupportable to me because it keeps me from all my soul holds dear.”

Next phrase:

a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted [missing prepositional phrase] than I am now.

Notice the “as if” - as in, it’s really bizarre that this would be suggested. Based on the sentence structure, there are three things that could be the object of this phrase:

1. “a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted to the public than I am now.” We already know he intends to be less devoted to the public - this is repeated by him in letters often enough during this time and the next two years.

2. “a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted to you than I am now.” Getting married will naturally reflect less devotion to Laurens, so it’s hardly a strange cure. It would be a very obvious (attempt at) a cure, nothing “strange” about it. Further, I don’t see evidence that AH showed much devotion to Laurens post-ES’s entrance into AH’s life. I think the strongest reason for this interpretation is that “you” [Laurens] is the last in the list.

But there’s also another problem with this interpretation - AH wrote “In spite of Schuylers black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for my friends [above insert] you; so your impatience...” The “you” is edited in by AH (we assume). AH probably initially wrote that sentence as follows:

In spite of Schuylers black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for my friends; so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; - a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now.

I don’t think it’s likely he was arguing that matrimony would be a strange cure to devotion to his friends, either. (AH will plead in letters to his friends dated from 1781 and 1782 that either his matrimonial occupations or family matters or his studies to support his family have delayed his writing to them.) But the [you] as an insert above the sentence makes the argument that he was referring to Laurens specifically even more doubtful when he wrote the full sentence.

3. “a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted to her than I am now.” Unusual sentence structure apparent, “to her” is the only logical reading of this phrase. The usual promise of matrimony is to be devoted to one’s spouse - it’s a “strange cure” to suggest that matrimony would make one less devoted. Marrying ES certainly would be a “strange cure” to devotion to her. AH is writing that he still has a part for the public and for friends Laurens so there’s no reason to be impatient about his wedding, but getting married will be no cure for a devotion to ES. About a year later, AH writes to EH that he’s not even factoring in the public anymore and intends to “[devote] myself wholly to you.”

I have noticed how often the very next line is skipped in books although it’s a context clue for the prior sentence. But it starts “Let me tell you,” i.e., make special note of this; let me make this clear to you; this is important:

Let me tell you, that I intend to restore the empire of Hymen and that Cupid is to be his prime Minister.

AH is expressing the type of marriage that he plans to have - one of strong romantic/erotic attachment within the “sacred ties” of matrimony that Hymen binds. He is telling Laurens to take note that his marriage will fit within the ideals of the companionate marriage: AH intends to restore the land of the god of marriage (Hymen), where the god of love/romance (Cupid) will lead. Hymen and Cupid were common images of an ideal companionate marriage - Hymen joins the partners in sacred bands; Cupid ensures their romantic/erotic attachment to each other. People had jewelry (wedding bracelet ca NYC 1785), medallions, even performances with persons costumed as Cupid and Hymen as part of their wedding celebrations. The chaste, morally scrupulous John Adams used the phrase “Cupid by Hymen was crown’d” to express this ideal of marriage and romantic love joined. Humorous and somewhat bawdy poems were written expressing fear that Cupid and Hymen would not be attendants to one’s marriage (leading to an indifferent sex life), or Cupid kindling the torch of Hymen (ensuring love and romance within marriage).

Laurens would have gotten the reference right away. Once one understands the Cupid and Hymen reference, it’s even more obvious that the object of devotion in the prior sentence is ES.

AH is also making clear - let me tell you - that his marriage is not a cynical endeavor just so he can rise in station through a family connection, but one that he intends to fit to the ideal marriage. In the next several lines, AH continues to present Laurens with images of his own attachment and partnership with ES. [An aside: “Cupid and Hymen” was also the title of a published 1775 fable by Thomas Paine or Philip Freneau (authorship unclear) that was an attempt at allegory to the British and its colonies.]

I wish you were at liberty to transgress the bounds of Pensylvania.

One could think this is a bawdy reference, and for awhile I thought AH meant it in a “violation of religious obligations” sense (since he is using other religious terms in this and other letters to Laurens), but considering AH’s other usages of the word “transgress,” I think he simply meant to do something illegal - violate parole.

I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation.

I think there’s some wordplay in “after the fall”, referencing religious terminology - echoing the fall of man because of a woman - that reflects phrases he’s used in letters to Laurens re ES before, “my doom,” “guilty,” “confess my sins.” AH is trying to get some wordplay about the time of year and his “fall” into this relationship with ES that also makes him unworthy to be a soldier (or weak, as McHenry described it). The sentiment is similar to one who uses about a month later in a letter to ES:

I would not have you imagine Miss that I write to you so often either to gratify your wishes or to please your vanity; but merely to indulge myself and to comply with that restless propensity of my mind, which will not allow me to be happy when I am not doing something in which you are concerned. This may seem a very idle disposition in a philosopher and a soldier; but I can plead illustrious examples in my justification. Achilles had liked to have sacrificed Greece and his glory to his passion for a female captive; and Anthony lost the world for a woman. AH to ES, 13Oct1780

I have written about final consummation a lot, as it has specific meaning that is not “sexual consummation.” To summarize, the meaning of this sentence, using the final consummation metaphor, is “I would invite you after the fall [of man because of a woman] to Albany to witness [the end of the world/the consummation of all things in Christ].” AH is drawing a sharp line between his life pre- and post-nuptials - emphasizing how it will be forever changed in a manner comparable to major religious events in the Christian tradition - actually comparing it to the culminating event of unity between God and the world in Christian belief. He’s also taking the opportunity to reference his wedding and invite Laurens to witness this change, possibly in case he has any doubts about AH’s sincerity for his life-changing marriage.

My Mistress is a good girl, and already loves you because I have told her you are a clever fellow and my friend; but mind, she loves you a l’americaine not a la françoise.

AH states that ES is a good partner for him and lets Laurens know that he has already disclosed his friendship with Laurens to ES (he refers to Laurens as “My Laurens” in an earlier letter to her); and he’s bragging here about how much influence he has over ES (she loves you because I’ve told her you are clever and you are my friend) and showing their unity in these matters. AH is also letting Laurens know that her love for the latter is not romantic/sexual. But with the Hymen/Cupid use, the “consummation” reference, and the reference to “Schuyler’s black eyes” - noting something he finds attractive about her - AH could have just written “In spite of Miss Schuyler,...” - AH shows how much HE thinks about romantic/sexual engagement with ES (which we already know from his letters to her from this period, in addition to the reference about how sexually pleasing ES is to him in his 30June1780 letter to Laurens). AH was also jealous at the thought of another man watching her sleep in his own dream and wanted her sister to report on every flirtation. He had some pretty strict notions of chastity and fidelity for ES.

Adieu, be happy, and let friendship between us be more than a name

A Hamilton

The General & all the lads send you their love [skipping the post-script]

AH’s sign-off, if Laurens hadn’t already gotten the point throughout the entire letter, is also a pretty strong “Be happy, you’re my friend and let’s not be men who just call each other friends.” With all of its allusions to life-changing events, romantic/sexual love in marriage, and references to ES, this letter is providing Laurens with AH’s framework of his life moving forward. AH felt this was so important for Laurens to understand that he provided a response only four days after his prior letter, likely because he knows (or suspects - we are really missing a lot by missing the earlier letter) that Laurens has heard about AH’s planned lengthy leave, his thoughts (with Meade) about leaving the army entirely, and so on.

Given the timing of this letter, AH clearly thinks that two things are important to tell Laurens- 1) that his own marriage is not some cynical endeavor and it will take priority in his life; 2) that Laurens will continue to have a role to play as his friend.

However, AH is evading directly telling Laurens about his (now seriously wavering) commitment to continuing with the military duties he currently has, and public life (although this was perhaps in another letter, now lost). AH wants to get a command and then get out and go about the business of supporting a family with ES. All these references to his marriage and relationship with ES show where his focus is, while not outright revealing his career and life plans - take an extended leave, get married, study the law, try to get a command*, then leave the army - that he does in his letters to others. I speculate that he’s concerned that Laurens will be, at the least, disappointed in him, which is also reflected in all the dire language in this and the June letter to Laurens about guilt and doom, confessing his sins, the fall of man and the end of the world. His fear that Laurens will think less of him is very real; thus, all the emphasis on their friendship, while not confessing outright his plans to leave the army entirely if he doesn’t get his way. After about two years of disappointments, AH is enticingly close to the solution to many of his problems, both personal and professional, and analytically-driven as he was, has formulated a new life plan that puts him in a different sphere from Laurens.

There have been questions raised about why this letter isn’t quoted in every recent biography of AH to communicate something about his relationship with Laurens. My response is that once one understands the references, it’s not that interesting of a letter except for AH’s wordplay and use of mythological/religious allusions. The statements he makes here are consistent with the statements he makes in his letters to ES in 1780 and through the following year - there are numerous other examples of him writing emotionally about his marriage, his feelings for ES and his devotion to her, and how life-changing her entrance into his has been and the plan he hatches to get his way/get out of the army. Flexner quotes this letter, but also includes an insert: “a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted [to her] than I am now.” There are others that cut off the quote before “Let me tell you,” I suspect because the author doesn’t know the allusion.

Back to the beginning of this letter, considering how AH goes on to Laurens with references to his wedding and feelings for ES, it’s difficult to believe he really thought Laurens was suicidal - the expression seems more poetic than anything.

Links to prior posts, some already linked above:

AH on marriage Part 1, Part 2, engagement timeline, Part 3, Part 4, more about AH, McHenry, and Pope, AH telling JL about his engagement and the timeline, some more about AH/Laurens and public service , AH’s views that marriage and military service should not mix that links most of the other posts too.

*AH’s desire to have proved himself in combat remains, likely because he sees that his influence in his future career will be embellished by having been a war hero. Here are some references:

Sometime last fall when I spoke to your Excellency about going to the Southward, I explained to you candidly my feelings with respect to military reputation, and how much it was my object to act a conspicuous part in some enterprise that might perhaps raise my character as a soldier above mediocrity. AH to GW 22Nov1780

You know I shall hate to be nominally a soldier. AH to Greene, 19Apr1781

He would remain a hawk throughout his life.

#Alexander Hamilton #Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton #John Laurens #18th century correspondence

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nightcall99 · 7 months ago

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Notes from 9.4.24

What does anyone have beyond this now moment? Is it worth it to believe there's anything lying beyond the confines of now? When it gives us such heartache...

I felt some energy this morning, but maybe I've blocked it out now. Or, I'm just not here right now. Yeah, that's it. I hate being on my period. I got a box of donuts delivered, they tasted good. I don't know about the food thing anymore, I think I skip or eat meals depending on the sense of control it gives me in that moment. I still can't stand my mum. Whenever she tries to talk to me, it leaves me feeling really irritated. It's like an ugly monster is seconds away from hatching every time. I should be more grateful because she does everything for me, but I didn't ask to be born. And I didn't ask for the things she does either, so she can just stop. I know I sound like the worst kind of brat.

The other day I was helping some man and after he said, “I always knew you were intelligent". I thanked him, but then he was like "So how come I sometimes see you outside vaping?". So the compliment was just a shoehorn into what he really wanted to ask. I really shouldn't have been so nice to him after that. I know he probably meant well because he said so himself that he had been a smoker for 20 years, a obscure concern for my health etc., but I detested what he said. And I detested more that I was not brave. Then yesterday, this other lady was like, "Why aren't you wearing a mask?". I felt like this time I was more ready for it. I was polite but firm, saying it was my choice. She backed off pretty quick. I was still holding back 95% though. I don't understand how people think they have any say about what another person does with their body. And I can't fathom what kind of environment these boomers grew up in, where this kind of audacity is seen as normal and right.

I haven't heard from AL in four days. She is supposed to be back the day after next. I think I'm a much nicer person when she's not around. Every time we are together, we both disassociate from our roles too hard and we become too team-ly, too twin-like, and it progresses inevitably into an us vs. them mentality. I want to feel close to her so I let it happen, all the while I know that I am the perpetrator. In my mirroring, I am the one at fault. Everything she says is true, it happens in real time. It happens and then we take out a magnifying glass, and the image becomes bigger. Impossibly large. It passes the time, I think. But since she's been gone, a lot of what we used to complain about has disappeared. Or I have decided not to notice it. I've eased up my thinking patterns considerably, regarding all of it. I can't blame her though, I know everything is coming from me and she is just the manifestation of the energy I want to experience. She is what I am. But I do wonder if I will return there, as I always do when I am presented with it. I mean, it makes no difference to me. It's just different games. But if the energy really has changed, then things shouldn't be the same as before. Before she left she said by the time she gets back I'd better have some answers about what the heck it is we're doing here. During that fleeting cracked era of ours, I messaged her saying, Yeah I know what we have to do and you're not going to like it. I thought I was going to be telling her that we have no choice but to re-enter matrix but I don't know anymore.

I don't think I want anything to change. Nothing on the surface matters to me. It hasn't for a long time and I don't care to ever make it matter again. Nothing external can satisfy me because the inherent realness of things is lost forever. As soon as I woke up to this, everything turned to sand. I've long been standing in a desert. So what matters? Why are we here? Something at the essence level was decided, and it was decided that it was worth it. I see small changes but if I step back, it feels like I'm gaslighting myself to see them. And perhaps everything really is just the same, just the way I like it. I realise it can be both. I realise that it must be both for anything to exist at all. So what do I want to focus on? What do I want to see? I could say a lot of things. But I'm not sure I know what wanting feels like anymore. It all feels so performative now. I don't know what I want, much less, experience myself as real. I know that's antithetical to how I've been saying lately that I feel more 'me' but it actually leans into that. This 'me' is so abstract, so subject to the whims of something unseen that I don't want to hold onto it anymore. The doll is not real. It's like the more I try to grasp onto this experience, and devise reasons to stay here, the less of an impact it all makes. I've become desensitised. I don't think I should have let myself reach this level of awareness. I remember at the start of all this when the chat was so busy and Akari and Crystal and others were around, I think I was really happy. We were at our height then, I truly think this. Back then I could have thought of a million little things that I wanted badly to do on NE and was genuinely so excited about it. But now I think that even if there's more happiness to be felt, it seems almost painful. Even the uncontainable joy of new earth, seems sad, in a way. It's not even because what comes up, must come down. No matter what we do to entertain ourselves, no matter what we identify as or with, we will always have eternity to contend with. There is always this neutrality which is the backdrop to all. I will never escape it because I am it. So what's the point? Has the idea of new earth become a burden somehow? I don't know. Right now it feels like just another square to be checked off on an experience list. Because if I could return to myself as the everlasting witness once more, right now, I think I would. I think that signals that we went too far.

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fivechairsthing · 8 months ago

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I think it's time for me to say something. Oh, how long we have come, if we start counting from 2016/2017 when I started blogging. To think it was all part of a plan, conceived either on another planet or in an absolute timelessness. I'm not sure if I really want to try this, but I think I should. Lately I have been learning Malay from Chatgpt (before this, there was a period I was learning Bahasa Indonesia on Duolingo but I kept lapsing; I am still on rookie level.) So I want to see how much I can communicate without resorting to consultation (the psychics shall bear witness). For those not familiar with the language, don't worry, the text in Malay is outside of the message proper which I will resume afterwards.

I can either have a message in mind and insert in English where my vocabulary lacks, or use my limitation goodly.

Tersenang yang biru, tikak dilihat yang bulan, di bawah yang saya sekarang memakan dengan lari yang upaya mendengar, cuba-cuba, apa-apa, macam anjingku malam bertiduk, anjingku yang anjingmu, berikan dan terima kasih, tetapi jika kamu mau itu balek yang tersenang biru, saya mesti pergi menuju di kita bertahu.

I think that's it. Okay let's resume.

I should think you guys were aware of my five chairs way before I was, like way way before, as soon as the psychics started entering the scene. While I could only piece things out by logic. And that's where the most beautiful thing happens.

How, oh how, could I have known that my wanking has such glorious significance?

The progression of things made it clear. First there was a significant change in my wanking system, like a leap in the pleasure engagement, and my reasoning was the month long abstinence allowed the hold (jing) to cause TTR to the next level, perhaps a certain necessity of a certain stage. Then the glimpse of us caused TTR on the left side where the heart almost is, for there was heart stuff indeed, and my wanking changed again, from fast to evenly paced. TTR and wank, they are related. And then I thought back to the time I went to India. Where every morning we engaged in ritual to bathe Shiva's lingam (symbol of penis, an expression of the creative force of nature, like Yang).

Perhaps things were already being moved back then, or even way before. But one thing is clear, that there is a logic in the progression means there is something, somewhere, we are moving towards. In fact, TTR itself already entails a progression where TTR conclude is an inevitability. And perhaps all that triggering has been for TTR progression.

I am well aware that there are some people who read this differently. I'm a bit baffled initially because I don't see the link. Whether or not there's a five chairs shouldn't affect your belief systems. But I have been led to know this is not the case for some people. Perhaps five chairs is considered a solid miracle, as compared to like levitation which I assume Satan can do, some kind of wow the crowd frivolous stuff. I really don't know. Yet for a while many thought I was Satan even when knowing I was five chairs. Perhaps many still do. But for those who don't now, perhaps your logic being Satan can be five chairs but Satan will not cry for anyone, I can only say, based on what I feel and know, you can always read your holy books differently so that what I do and what I am is not related to what you believe in.

Because if you don't, you will be devastated eventually.

Perhaps you read all that movement and progression as God's will to engage in testing, for a test can only be when things are made compelling. And you have faith that the test will be passed, for it is God's will.

If the test is sexual intercourse, do you know how easy it is for me to purposely fail the test just to prove you wrong. I stay just minutes away from the red light district. And I'm agnostic. I don't yet even have a meaningful concept what God can mean. It's a distant concept.

See, if it is God's will, He doesn't have to involve somebody special. He just have to make me walk through the red light district at night when I am damn lustful and when I have just enough money for a cheap fuck. Things just have to be made compelling. How is involving somebody over in another country where I will probably not visit for many good years to come—until maybe I'm 100 or so when my pension of the escalating kind will get me financial buoyancy— a meaningful expression of such a will?

And if the test is about starting a family, like getting married and living together as an exclusive couple, one would think that God in trying to make things compelling would allow dating and interaction so that when the time comes for marriage, boom, test passed. How is having this offbeat, stranger to stranger, thingy a compelling part of the test? No normal relationship can be had without interaction, like even phone or message interaction can still be counted as LDR. So, how is this arrangement with this albeit adorable and cheeky girl a compelling part of any test?

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returntosaturn271995 · 1 year ago

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August 15th: The last week of 27

They say the return to Saturn takes place from 27-29, so that makes 28 next week the beginning of the middle of this little cosmic journey we are on together.

And you know what? I'm proud of 27-year-old me. That bitch had to handle a lot of 26-year-old me's consequences. This year I got emotionally healthy and dumped some people-pleasing tendencies and some people period. I'm kinder in my own head. I picked up running and got really good at cooking and got this new job making more money.

28 is going to be hot as fuck. But I'm taking this last week of 27 as a victory lap.

Today began at the crack of 6:37 am when I made myself roll out of bed and half blindly grope my way to the bathroom (Hannah was in there and I am not a morning person so no pleasantries were exchanged.) When she went to work, I took a full body and hair shower, sat through my first meeting of the morning, and then made coffee and a lox and cream cheese bagel while listening to Trump's indictment story on Pod Save America.

After I finished my "Talk Loopy" deck for Froot Loops, I did another round of running intervals at the beach and hit a respectable 8 min average (7.22 was my best but I did hit a pace of 6'44 once or twice). Another gross thing no one tells you about running? Your hands swell up like little sausage hands. Isn't getting in shape supposed to make me sexier?

Cleaned the kitchen, hopped on another meeting, then meditated on the new patio set while Blue watched me directly from Makenna's window. Lately about five minutes into meditating I start to feel a pang of sadness in my body, like a sinking in my ribcage. Clearing my head was a challenge, striving thoughts kept entering my mind even as I tried to focus on the sound of waves lapping and the warm air on my skin or the bright green plant settled nostalgically behind my bronze-tinted Ray Bans. (Today's outfit is white linen trousers, a Calvin Klien bra, a white tank top, white sandals, and a beaded choker. The whole outfit is pretty much see-thru in direct sunlight but I brought this shit so I'm going to wear it.)

Now it's 2:30 and I feel like I've lived several lives. I'm supposed to go on a date to JRDN at 6:45, do some yoga so my old-lady hips don't fuck up my running, continue reading Little Wierds (which I'm savoring) and start reading "Green Lights" by Mathew McConaughey.

Going to nap first though. And if I DON'T get to anything else today- oh fucking well- I'm going at a 5 K pace with swollen hands and I'm proud of myself.

I've reached a new floor of what I thought I was capable of, which had been the ceiling of my previous floor, which was the first-story house I tentatively entered when I came out of the basement which was my depression. I don't want to forget or ignore the ache I still sometimes get in my chest or gloss over the times this year when I walked the beach crying into the phone when what I was actually doing was crying into the universe. That girl is part of me, perhaps the strongest part because she tried again and held on even though she had the least reason to.

She dreamt of a first floor. She set the foundation. It's okay if I visit her every once and a while without getting confused about where I want to be now. To deny that kind of pain is to invite it to manifest in ugly ways. I'm less afraid to look at the shadowy corners of my psyche and failings to be perfect (or even upper-middle-perfect) and feel more compassion and humor and less shame and disgust.

I accept that I've been bad. And by doing that I realize I actually wasn't that bad. A wounded animal that lashes out but isn't inherently evil, it just needs a little love and training. I love my parents, and my grandparents are at best misguided, deeply numb people so I know they never were shown how to handle things like a sensitive kid.

But I was never given any tools growing up for how to handle the pain and self-esteem issues other than "stop that" and good-natured teasing. They never saw gaps in my emotional development as a reaction to the world around me but as character flaws. They loved me, but they also felt that there was something wrong with me that was inherent instead of inherited. They were never awful, they were wonderful in a million ways, but then again so was I.

If it's not their fault, then it's not mine either. It's just the way it was. So in my 20s, I had to re-parent myself. Accept an inner child I was desperate to hide. Learn to love myself where I was, instead of indulging myself because I didn't have faith that I could move past whatever fatal flaw kept me from being unlovable.

Maybe those aren't even tools your parents can give you. Not really. Self-esteem comes through esteemable acts. My mom could have self-reflected more on her role in my mental health and my dad could have been more open-minded about success: but ultimately only I can give myself dignity and self-respect. Giving them to myself is what's made me a good person.

Yeah, that's right. I'm a good fucking person. I try and evolve and have a damn good head of hair and nice titties if we're keeping score.

Anyways, going to go be 27 for a fortnight. Kisses. Don't wait up.

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sleepfiles · 1 year ago

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So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause.

An essay written in 2022, immediately following the results of the 2022 Philippine presidential elections.

There is no better line that captures the absolute dystopian fear of reality— the new era of another Marcos presidency, than the aforementioned line from George Lucas' Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of The Sith. Perhaps dystopia is no longer a mere reach in popular young adult fiction novels, it is now here, in actuality. The Philippines has entered a state of dystopia; with the added timing of the pandemic, everything does feel a bit post-apocalyptic dystopian. Hope is fleeting, everything is in a state of chaos. I have abandoned my absurdist optimism in surrender to the hopelessness of a nihilist community. Excuse my language, but honestly, what the fuck are we doing?

I have long since accepted that corruption will feed its way into politics no matter what. It's a given. There are money-hungry and power-grabbing individuals who will always fight their way to the top. It has gone on since time immemorial, corruption is a sin as old as Eden. But I had liked to think that we, the human race, have since evolved from that primitive greed and have since then become alert in driving out the corrupt in our very authority. History proves this thought, with countless rebellions and revolutions that have occurred in fighting for freedom, independence, justice, and equality. We are a nation constantly building towards change. And with the Philippines being considered a democratic country, the majority has the ruling power to decide for themselves what is just and truly fit to be placed in a position of power. We have the power to elect competent public servants and drive away the corrupt; what do we do? We severely misuse our democracy. Famous philosopher Plato heavily dismays democracy. While I do not agree with his advocacy for aristocracy, and I very much prefer democracy myself, I do understand his grievances with the political system. It is unstable, and there is a very large chance that the democratic man only has concerns for himself rather than the entire state. The vital flaw in Philippine democracy is that the majority possess collective ignorance. That is how tyranny wins, with the support of the ignorant.

The entire campaign period, the elections, and the succeeding week after that passed by like the aftermath of a dystopian society. There was unending uncertainty, which is still carried on today. I think my biggest complaint regarding the entire fiasco was that how did we, as a society, ever allow another Marcos to run for the presidency? Let alone a Marcos who has repeatedly uplifted the atrocities done by his father and has done nothing to compensate for the injustices. Other than that, this Marcos— this man, was nowhere near possessing the charm nor the intelligence possessed by the well-known fascists or dictators he seemingly tries to emulate. This man has barely any impressive credentials, no clear platform, no promising or concrete plans for the country. So, how did he win?

The ignorant majority might be the easiest people to blame. Those who do not know better than to believe fake news, with jagged morals, and pride higher than the mountains. But who's at fault for the ignorance basked onto the majority? There is a reason the corrupt have managed to stay in power in this country because they know what to target: education. Slipping lies into history, repeatedly allowing and even disseminating fake news, and turning deaf ears to the pleas for bettering the awful Philippine education system. They do everything and anything to make sure that the majority stays ignorant. Because when they are, they are easier to manipulate. And I'm sick of it.

I am tired of bad governance. Exiting Vice President Leni Robredo was there. The first Presidential candidate in decades that harbors the quality of not only a competent but also a compassionate leader. My observation of previous elections was that people always seem to be cornered into voting for the lesser evil. Not because they were genuinely a promising candidate, but simply because they seemed the most harmless out of the roster. But not VP Leni. She was the light at the end of the tunnel. A beaming ray of hope in the dark alleyways of the country. That's the most frustrating part, I suppose. That we were so close to attaining good governance and we just threw it away for the worst-case scenario: the son of a dictator. It felt crushing. It was as if all light was bricked up, and suddenly it was no longer a tunnel. We're in an impossible labyrinth of injustice and disinformation. No real progress was to be ever grasped again.

But of course, that's just the pessimist in me. It may feel like my entire future was robbed entirely because of the election results, but the rational part of my brain knows that the fight is not over. I have to constantly assure myself that the fight is not over. We, the people, the country, aking minamahal na Pilipinas, are always worth the fight. It is not hopeless because whenever there are people, there is hope. As a citizen of the nation, I must take it upon myself to do whatever I can. For now, all I can do is remain educated. Pursue my education, no matter how long it takes, because it will provide me with opportunities to do something meaningful. It doesn't have to change the world or the country even, but one small step in helping to better the lives of the people will always go a long way. We have to channel this disappointment into organized thought, into a drive towards working for a better tomorrow. We fight in whatever way we can: in the classroom, in the streets, in correcting that disinformation posted on social media, in informing our outdated relatives. Liberty has died with thunderous applause by the goons seated comfortably in their towers, now it is our duty to reclaim it.

#essay

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dailyaudiobiblechronological · 2 years ago

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1/30/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Exodus 1 - 3

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological. Today is the 30th day of January and I'm Jill. It's so good to be here with you this week. Winding down this month together, winding down a long chapter we've been through in the Bible together yesterday, turning the page, starting a brand new book today. And in just a couple of days, we're going to start a brand new month. So we feel, we feel the endings, the necessary endings, and we welcome the new beginnings. Isn't that true of life as well? Even though the letting go of the old is very difficult to do, and for some people it's even harder than others. So we recognize that. But we thank God that God is the Creator and the redeemer of all things new. And so we turn that page together, individually, collectively, and a community in the stories of our lives and in the story of the word of God. We're starting the book of Exodus today. We're going to read the first three chapters, exodus one, two and three. And this week we're in the New English Translation, Exodus, chapter one.

Commentary

Okay, so little orientation because I keep reiterating, but it's for just cause. A lot is happening in a day's reading and if we don't really keep up with the story, we can get lost real quick. And then it can just be really difficult to grasp hold of something when it feels like the current is just sweeping us away with information, details, and we're not sure what's going on. So yesterday we said goodbye to Jacob and his son Joseph. And before his departure, he spoke a blessing of some sort over his twelve sons. These will be the twelve tribes of Israel. So that chapter closes Jacob and Joseph. And then we have the other eleven sons. In the land of Egypt, we have a Pharaoh that does not believe or worship the same God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. So we have the eleven sons, we have the Israelite people, and they are becoming a mighty people of numbers living in Egypt. And as you could well imagine or figure out if you sat and thought about it for a minute, a great number that is increasing in a foreign land is a threat to the people and the foreign land who are fearful that this mighty tribe of Israelites will someday take over Egypt. So I'm telling this for understanding and not strategy. In case anybody rules over a group of people, the best way to prevent a group of people overtaking another group of people is to oppress the people. And so this is what Pharaoh does to the Israelite people. And so he puts a decree out to the Midwives to kill the firstborn sons of every family. But we have a couple of Midwives who lived in the fear of the Lord and not in the fear of Pharaoh. And so we have the introduction of a mighty little man named Moses in today's story. And again, it moves fast because we go from the introduction of Jacob's sons entering Egypt, the birth of Moses, moses growing up, killing a man, needing to leave Egypt and fleeing, and then after a period of time, God calling Moses to go back. And then we hear one of the most relatable questions in this story, and maybe even in the Old Testament, that Moses asks God, who am I? That I should go to Pharaoh, or that I should bring the Israelites out of Egypt? Maybe just sit with that for a second. And I realize that we're not all considering a question, that we are leading something monumental, but perhaps the relatability factor is the diminishment that we automatically speak against ourselves when God asks us to do anything. Who am I? I can't let me tell you about this flaw that I have. I'm too old. Do you know how old I am? You know my past. You can't use someone like me, right? I mean, don't we try to talk God out of what he undoubtedly wants us to do? Specifically, like, goes directly to us? Out of all the people in the world? There's this funny story that I've heard a friend of ours tell about he and Brian when they were together at a Men's conference. And this man was just enamored by Brian's yes. To reading the Bible after coming out of the music business. And he's just really going on of course, he was from New York, so he's really going on about, I cannot wait to get to heaven. I can't wait to see the crown that God gives you and the things that he says to you and how proud he is of you for the work that you've done. And Brian and his brianness just shakes his head and very softly says, I'm not so sure that when I get to heaven, God will shake his finger at me and say, you weren't my first choice for this job. Everyone else said no. And as endearing and sweet and funny as that is, I don't believe it for a second, personally. I believe that God knew exactly who he wanted and the trajectory of his life and the way that it should go by reading the Bible. I believe that God knew exactly the plan for Moses to lead a people out of slavery and into a land promised many generations back. And I believe that there is something that God needs you specifically to do that nobody else in the world can do. Now, again, it may not be a platform of hundreds of thousands of people. It may not be the thing that you dreamed for, hoped for, prayed for, put everything you have into to accomplish that thing, because for Brian and I both, it was music. But it's the thing that God said, I set you apart to do this. Nobody else in the world can do this thing. And the beautiful thing about that thing is that God promises to be with us. We can try as hard as we want to talk him out of it, to try to remind him of our past, to try to tell him who we are, to diminish our own selves. And the only thing God will do is call us into our identity by telling us who he is. So Moses asks God, if I go to the Israelites and tell them, the God of your father's has sent me to you, and they ask me, what is his name? What should I say to them? God answers, Moses. I am that I am. We have talked about the names that we have heard God named on behalf of people through worshiping him. Elroy the God that sees everlasting God. And in this and in this instance, God tells Moses who he is. He speaks for himself. And I love that who he says he is, is I am that I am. We cannot comprehend this name. I am, not I was, not, I'm going to. I am that I am. I feel the reverence in that name. I feel the power in that name, and I feel the fear. Not the fear in the sense of being afraid. I fear in the sense of revere. I reverence the God who says I am that I am. And listen, we can get real haughty sometimes and think that we are the stuff. But when I am that I am asks me to step into this thing that he has set aside for me. The only question that seems fitting to ask is when do we get started? No more diminishing ourselves, no more reminding God of our past when he has our future in the palm of his hands. No more time wasted by arguing. No more thoughts and feelings of defeat. And I know so many of us, so many of us have been like I've been willing. I have been waiting for this moment, for God to send me somewhere for years. I'm still waiting. And I have no clue what that is. I've got no answers. But I hear the question and I'm with you. And I'm sitting in that question with you. And I'll wait and hold your hand and cry with you and laugh with you and pray with you until God speaks. That makes it clear.

Prayer

Father, we thank you for your word today. We thank you for these hard questions that we have to take a deep, long look at in our own lives. They may seem insignificant at the time, but when we peel back the layers, we we then begin to see the magnitude of what we have spoken over our own lives, where we have pushed the stop sign in our own lives and not even been cognizant of our actions, our words. And so many of us are stuck, and we stay stuck right there. We thank you for these words that jolt us so. Wake us to our own story and the place that we play in our own story. Because there cannot be a partnership with one person. We can't be in relationship with you and only speak to you and only speak for you. We have to make room for you to speak to us in our own lives. And so we thank you for this moment right here for you to speak, convict our hearts that propels us forward into repentance and repentance into change. That we would do things in a different way. We would walk in a different direction than where we've been walking. And I thank you that you go with us. You go before us, you go beside us, and you're right there behind us in case we fall. We love you. We thank you. We worship you. The great I am. Pray this now in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, amen.

Announcements

Daily Audio Bible, that's home base. Take a look around. If you have not, check out the app. If you have not, if you'd like to partner with us, we thank you so much for your partnership. We could not do this without you. You're giving by mail, DAB P. O. Box 1996, Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174. Or you can hit the Give icon. It's up at the top right hand corner of that mobile device. And lastly, look for the Give icon on the website if you need prayer. If you'd like to pray for someone that's previously called in, you can do so several different ways. 800 583-2164 or utilizing your mobile device. Again, hit the red circle button up at the top right hand corner. You have two minutes on the prayer line. Really important step. Hit Submit, you've got to turn the wheel over to Chronological or it will not go to the right channel. So make sure that if you are wanting it to go to Chronological, you do that final little step and send it on over. That's going to do it for me today. I'm Jill. We'll turn the page together tomorrow and I look forward to it. Until then, love one another.

Community Prayer Line

Good morning, DAB family and DABC family. This is Simone calling from Texas and I just wanted to share something with you guys. We are two weeks into the New Year, and the enemy definitely tried it. I have a 21 year old daughter that attends college out of state, and she had been sick for a little over a week. And so she went into the doctor and told him she wasn't feeling well. They gave her some antibiotics that sent her away. She went back, she called, she said, Mom, I don't feel well. She didn't tell me the extent of it because she's one of those kids. She doesn't like to complain. So she went back to the doctor again and they were closing. They said, oh, we're leaving. Come back tomorrow. But the doctor saw her long enough to give her a different antibiotic, a different doctor, same place, different doctor. She said she left and she was so weak. She had a friend driving her and she heard a little voice in her head say, go to the emergency room right now. She did. And right after the Er doctor saw her, they admitted her immediately because she was septic. Her body had gone into septic shock and she has been in the hospital for five and a half days now, but she is doing well and going to be released soon. I always taught my children a prayer that I was taught at four years old. God give me wisdom, knowledge, understanding. And that's Bible I learned later, but I added a triple portion of discernment. I thank God so much that I raise children that have discerning spirits, and whether they know it or not, they can hear those voice of God. And she listened to that voice because that voice saved her life.

Hello, DABC family. This is Diana from Florida, and I just want to say thank God. Thank God. Thank God. Grace was sprout. Oh, my goodness, I am in tears. I have in tears. Y'all know I'm a weakened girl. I pray and I truly feel oh, my goodness, I feel all the feels for everybody when I pray for them. But dear Jesus, this miracle, who can tell us that our God does not exist? Tell me, somebody tell me that our God does not answer because he says he answers us. He answers us. We cried out to Him, and he answered, and he answered. It's a promise of Jeremiah 33 that if we cry out to Him, he will answer and he will show us great mysteries and secrets that we do not know and follow. God, I just thank you right now. I thank you right now, and I'm sure that our brothers and sisters in this community are rejoicing with me because this young girl has been found and she is safe. Just so thank you, Jesus. Thank you. You heard the cries and the prayers. She was missing for so many weeks. And we are just so grateful, dear Jesus, that she was located. We are so grateful that she is home and that you can now help this family rebels and be able to work through whatever trauma and issues have come up this thank you, God, though we thank you in Jesus faith.

Hello, my DABC family. Praise God. Yes, God answers prayer. Oh, sing in halelujia for answered prayer that I just heard the call about that grace was found, the young girl who was missing, and we were all praying for her. And even after hearing multiple prayers, crying out to the Lord for a miracle that grace would be found, the very last prayer of the day, I hear the woman, please forgive me, I don't recall your name that you called in to say thank you for prayers, that Grace was found and that she's fine. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. We rejoice in you. Yes, we exalt you all. God, we love to sing praises to our God. Thank you, Heavenly Father. Thank you. Thank you for the miracle. Thank you, Heavenly Father. I just want to rejoice in you. Oh, yes, Lord. Thank you, Jesus. Rejoicing in you hallelujiah amen and amen. All right, I'm going to go and talk to you soon.

Good morning, DABC. This is Jen from Tennessee. I wanted to call and say Happy New Year to all of you. And thank you to Jill and China for leading this podcast and for your faithfulness to this ministry. It has been a huge blessing to me over the last three years, and now I'm starting my fourth year with the DABC. And it's just so cool to see how the community has grown over these years and the family feel of it. I just feel has grown as I have gotten to know your voices and as the community has grown. It's just been wonderful. It's been a wonderful testimony of the body of Christ and how we can work together and support each other. So I wanted to give a quick praise. I called a year ago and then about six months ago to give an update on my son Josiah, who was struggling with a lot of gastrointestinal pain and had been in the hospital and just a lot of things. And a year later, I'm just really happy to say that he's continuing to thrive and do well. He's back at sports and living his life and he's 13 now and just doing tremendously. So I just wanted to share that with you all. It's wonderful to hear praise reports, and so I wanted to encourage you with that. So thank you for your prayers. And along those lines, I wanted to ask for prayer for a dear family of friend of ours. Their son talent is currently in the hospital and has been there since Monday. It's Friday morning now. Doctors are totally befuddled as to what's going on with him. And so I'm asking for prayer and wisdom and strength for his family. He's dealing with extreme pain in his abdomen and in his head. And like I said, doctors are not sure what's going on with him. So please pray for him, for wisdom, for the doctors, and I hope that by the time this airs that he will be well. But if not, please pray.

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milkywaycreates · 2 years ago

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♕ 01♢25♢2023 || 4.55pm

➶ We couldn't deny that some things have to end.

🪶 Today is a bittersweet farewell to one of our colleagues once yet. The first to leave this year and I wouldn't deny that I kinda feel a little bit regretful that I had to watch a comrade leave while also wanting him to stay when in fact I've been detached from this place already since a long ago. Regretful wasn't rly the right term for it, I think I have yet to find the right word but maybe it's a mixture of a little bit of sadness, excitement and joy, all at the same time. He was the best yet colleague that I've ever had who also is around our age bracket and the smartest person I have met at the same category so far. I did think the valedictorian of our high school years was the smartest person I've ever known since then but that is a whole another story left for maybe another time. I was sad that maybe this colleague could be such a good influence figure to whoever that would enter in our organization for I do well crave meeting someone who has such an intellect and capacity to do and understand so many things for such a young age and yet he has to leave today. Moreover, we did share a lot of well-meaning memories (no malice attached) even within the very short duration of time that we've been working together and sure, I did learn A LOT from this small yet terrible kid. It was the urge to know along and do along with someone so eager as him which pushed me to understand what we're doing in a deep-enough-sense and it was such a thrill to be hearing from someone who's as curious as him. I don't know abt others but I also have this undeniable sense of security whenever I'm with someone who's so intellectually capable for they have this type of judgment that assures me is coming from that feeling of compassion and understanding since a well-read, wise person is such a huge box of great ideas that helps him navigate correctly and sensibly enough in this world full of mad judgment and awful criticisms. I would be loving to hear a lot of good stuffs from his mind and it's kinda terrible that we only shared a short period of time to work on a certain project together. And while it may sound so fake since I also am planning to leave this place anyway, I do wanna emphasize that the company of great minds make me wanna stay in a certain position or place more than anything else and maybe this melancholy feeling is actually rooted from that and not directly from the fact that he's leaving. Such a wise person is so rare. Well I'm not losing hope to meet more people like him but I did wish I could have heard more surprising stuffs actually coming from someone so young who's supposed to be saying party and social stuffs more often than not as the usual status quo.

In spite that <regretful> feeling though, I'm still personally happy and excited for him on his travel on his new journey. That idea makes me excited to pursue what I want as well and do take the risk that lowkey scares me and disturbs my comfort zone at the same time. It's like the feeling of wanting to be so confident that I could go through what ever which adds fuel to my desire to take my own journey at the same time. And I don't know about that, to be honest. A part of me is telling me that this is the place where I'm supposed to exert my gift into but a part of me is also urging me to create a place where I can be free to just be. Perhaps the very restriction of staying in a place ruled by somebody else is that you gotta live accordingly and sure, it doesn't have to be so scary as it sounds or too demanding as it sounds but I do know to myself that I crave being myself somewhere I am not restricted to do anything. I can't be bending rules in somebody else's territory, I can't be doing things on my own will, especially for a long time in a place thriving in a very particular set of rules, I can't be living in a place where my creativity and freedom feel so restricted simply because several rules don't apply to my reasoning. And I can't be a rebel for so long, so to speak. I know deep down that I need to make a place for myself soon enough someday. I want to leave soon without feeling all these things; without having to tip toe on whether or not I'll be leaving several people in remorse, whether or not I'm doing the best or worst; I wish farewell, even though assumed to be unreal since a person's existence doesn't rly necessarily fade although physically invisible, doesn't have to have <melancholy> attached to it as well as all the mixture of negative feelings. Well, it can't be, no matter how we romanticize it or look at the positive side of things but I do wish it would make sense to anyone just as how I'm making sense to other people's farewell that them, leaving also sounds so exciting and thrilling for the idea of "risk" itself is so appealing as if we humans, can only take a few of it which we gotta make worthwhile forever.

☾ to be cont'd ▪

#random musing #daily journal #random though of the day #farewell #risking #to be yourself is a risk itself #tumblog

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seawater-aurelia-writing · 4 years ago

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The Break

Pairing(s): Fem!MC/Yuu/Reader x TBD

Summary: MC finally shuts down from all of her acts of helping with overblots and the countless favors/demands that are asked of her. When the Prefect of Ramshackle is the one who needs help, who steps forward?

WARNINGS

I am not the best at labeling warnings or triggers but I can say that this story is laden with neglect, self-neglect, anxiety, possible depression and attempts to justify the above. There could be more labels that I can add but i’m unsure how to word them - so please exercise caution.

Quick Note: The reader in this story is largely based upon Cinderella, for multiple reasons (#1 being that I want to and #2 being that I absolutely love Cinderella and think she’s amazingヾ(•ω•`)o ) . If that type of character behavior annoys or offends you, I recommend skipping this!

She should have seen it coming; The break. Her break.

Her sight blurred with tears, which spilled over her eyes quickly as she laid upon the floor of the library – cold and alone. In front of her, just out of reach, laid her phone amidst the plentiful books which laid strewn chatoticly across the floor from her harsh tumble. Her phone vibrated constantly cause M/C o flinch as she imagined the messages that must be flying across her notifications; Her friends and upperclassmen asking for favors and why she hadn’t completed what they asked.

‘I need to… get up.’ She thought to herself, willing herself to move her arms but her body was more akin to cold, ancient steel, a machine that had been abandoned and forgotten throughout time; It felt nothing like how she was a month ago, a week ago, a few hours ago. ‘ I have.. so much left to do.’

As she tried to find the will to stand – M/C thought of how she ended up in this position; body battered and bruised after falling from the top of the ladder in the deserted corner of the library.

She could barely life her feet as she made her way down the path, back towards Ramshackle Dorm. In her arms, Grim lay curled into her chest as he slept peacefully in her arms.

‘We both had a long day.’ MC mused to herself, gently pressing his closer as the cold, wintry wind blew harder. She recounted their day slowly, going over each task they had accomplished.

Crowley wished for them to wake up earlier to remove unwanted, viney weeds from around the campus gates, Sam’s Store, and the fencing around the Flying Course field in exchange he’d give them some aid to finally repair their roof. Unable to refuse such an offer, M/C awoke at 3 am to be able to accomplish all of the weeding.

However, Grim had not woken to any of her calls or he just ignored her, leaving M/C to venture into the darkened morning on her own to do the weeding.

After 2 hours, when she was finally able to head back to Ramshackle to freshen up before breakfast, she was stopped by Vil. The Pomefiore Dorm Head all but demanded her attention for an hour in the afternoon, her lunch period specifically, to fetch him some arctic sea water from Azul.

Vil was supposedly unable to pick up the water himself as he had an impromptu photoshoot and Azul would only meet during lunchtime.

Despite the tone he used, M/C could sense that Vil was more antsy about missing his photoshoot -made more evident by the slight twitch at the mention of potentially missing the event. She agreed with a bright smile; choosing to ignore Vil’s comment about grass sticking to her and her ‘odor’ when she turned to leave.

Finally, she made it to Ramshackle and rid herself of the stray remnants of debris before she freshened up. Grim, who finally awoke, all but rushed her from the home before she could rest – determined to beat Ace and Deuce to breakfast.

But as luck would have it, M/C could not make it to the Dining Hall before she was stopped by a rather, frazzled Ruggie, who all but shoved a bag of food onto her. He left rushed orders to take it to Leona as he was asked to help restock the lounge before classes. He ran off before she could refuse.

Grim happily skipped to the dining room, telling her not to waste time since he wasn’t going to save her any of the food. However, before she could rush off – Grim yelled back at her to pick up some tuna for him at Sam’s since she was going out of the main building anyway.

She only nodded, ignoring the hollowed feeling in her stomach and the way it rumbled in protest.

M/C remembers being stopped before she could reach Leona, the botanical garden just in sight. That view had been blocked by the ever-looming, Leech Twins. Floyd grinned down at her and plucked the sandwich from her hands.

“Ah! Koechi-chan is so sweet!~ She brought food for us, Jade” Floyd cheered, ignoring her protests and pleas for him to give her the food back.

“Indeed she did, Floyd.” Jade chuckled, doing nothing to stop his twin, who began to eat the food in front of M/C. “And by the way, Prefect. Vil told us that you would be the one picking up his items later today.”

“Y-yes that’s right. At lunch time.” She clarified, her voice softer as she deflated. In retrospect, she still didn’t know what she could have said to Floyd to make him stop. So many girls on Magicam were adamant about how they maintain dominance over their own friends to avoid being stepped on but they always sounded cruel; Giving instructions to ‘clapback’, to insult them, to physically hurt them or poke at their insecurities to make them listen. She didn’t want to snap at the twins, not only would it not do her any good but angering them isn’t what she wanted.

“Azul needs to push that time to this evening, at dinner. Vil suddenly requested twice the amount and thus more payment is required.” M/C remembered the chill that ran down her spine as the Twins seemed to loom over her even more.

“P-Payment? But I don’t-“

“Rook is handling the payment but,in the even he doesn’t, please he prepared to pay any outstanding fees.”

The Twins ignored her pleas for clarification, with Floyd only turning around to demand that she be present for his basketball practice later today.

M/C recounted how, after that, her day became a blur with random intervals of clarity when another request or demand was made of her.

Ace and Deuce asking her to handle their chores in Heartslabyul of feeding the Hedgehogs and Flamingos while they went to mandatory study hall with Professor Trein.

Trey caught her and asked for her to pick up some cream from Sam’s shop for him. She also picked up the tuna that Grim had asked for and the only thing she could afford to eat to replace the breakfast that she missed – a discounted egg salad sandwich.

A sandwich she could only eat half of, as the other half was given to Silver, who had missed breakfast looking for Malleus. He had not asked anything of her, she remembered, but the way he looked at her was odd to say the least. He was adament on her sitting down and finishing her half of a sandwich before leaving but the appearance of Ortho, who asked for her to run an errand for Idia, pulled her away.

Her classes came and went, leaving her feeling isolated as usual. Professor Crewel, never one to shy away from a ‘training’ opportunity, chided her for using an incorrect about of Phoeniz wings in her potion. He only became agitated when she proceeded to answer his questions about the potion, a simple draught, completely wrong. Grim was of no help as even he didn’t know the answers, nor did Ace or Deuce by what they had said but Ace and Grim took great joy in laughing at her misery.

Normally, it wouldn’t have affect her but today, it hurt.

But she smiled anyway.

Lunch time came and, again, she was stopped before she entered the dining hall. Sebek demanded her help in finding Malleus, who was not present at lunch. Again, Grim deserted her as Sebek grabbed her and dragged her along beside him and Silver to find Malleus.

Again, Silver regarded her in an odd way but he said nothing out of the ordinary towards her.

They never did find Malleus and Sebek took too yelling at her for being unable to be of any use in finding him.

“..Sorry, Sebek. I’ll try harder next time.” Was all she could say, while Silver chided him on being too harsh.

As they made it back to the main building, it was time for classes; She had missed lunch as well.

‘Perhaps that’s why I was so dizzy.’ She thought to herself, managing to prop herself onto her elbows. The floor beneath her moved and rippled, similar to the waves in the great oceans back in her homeworld. ‘Correction, why I AM so dizzy…’

Her mind again wandered back to her day after lunch time; Where her day only worsened.

Without any proper food in her, there was no way that she could stay awake with Professor Trein’s class. Lucius quickly spotted her and alerted Trein, before Deuce could fully wake her up.

“Do you believe yourself too smart to pay attention within my class, Miss M/C.” He sneered, a glare firmly on his face as he gazed down at her.

“N-No, sir. I’m sorry, Professor! It wasn’t-“

“Silence.” His voice was firm as harsh, caushing her to flinch and shrink in her seat. “There will be no talking back to me of any kind. I had high expectations of you, Miss M/C and yet you have a complete lack of manners. As punishment, you will write me a paper explaining the important of Magical History, no less than 10 pages. If it is not on my desk first thing in the morning, then expect a harsher punishment. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes, sir.” She mumbled, her head bowed in submission. M/C could remined the feeling of the heat behind her eyes; How hard it was to hold back tears in that moment.

She hadn’t expected kindness from Professor Trein but it seemed no one was recognizing that she was doing the absolute best that she could do with the circumstances that she was in.

She was blunt and sarcastic at times, yes, but she can’t think of anyone who can hold their tongue constantly. Yet when she seemed to speak, unless it was humorous in nature or her agreeing with those around her- she went unheard. But if she pressed and asked for help, who would drop their things to come to her aid?

Those thoughts plagued her for the rest of the day;

Even as Floyd threatened and scolded her for missing basketball practice, where she was supposed to stock the ice water and the cool towels for him, even though Epel asked her to pick up some old weights from Ruggie.

Even when Ruggie scolded her for not delivering Leona’s sandwich, calling her a thief for eating the sandwich when she reassured him that she didn’t and that Floyd had taken it.

Even when Ace and Deuce whined and complained about letting them down for not feeding the animals properly, when she couldn’t do it properly as they never explained all of the rules to her.

Even when Azul asked, demanded, that she find a specific book for him within the dark recesses of the library before closing as Vil’s additional fee– the thoughts never left her.

In truth, she was merely an anomaly in this world; An irregularity that didn’t belong, didn’t have a place within this magic, twisted world that she found herself in. She was without even the most basic magic to help her through her day to day life as the other had. M/C didn’t know even the most basic of terms within classes that would help her – shown by her struggling grades and performance.

She wouldn’t last outside of NRC, even Crowley had alluded to that. She had no birth certificate, no I.D. on her person, and no family of which to speak of.

Who would risk their own education and future to help someone who wouldn’t be able to do anything on their own anyway?

Even Grim, the other half to her ‘whole student’ was beginning to separate from her as his magic was matured and refined.

But that was why she smiled, was it? She smiled because she liked being needed, feeling as if she had a place in a world where she had none. Even if it ended with her being overworked, sleep-deprived and feeling so hollow – she was needed. A little suffering was nothing.

If her friends would excel in the world around her, wouldn’t that be worth it all? They shouldn’t have to suffer and fail in their classes just because a useless anomaly couldn’t handle the most basic of things.

‘It’s fine.’ She thought to herself, finally pushing herself to her knees. She winced, her movements letting her know just how bad her fall had truly been; Her chest hurt and ached with every beat of her heart, her right leg, the one which hit the ground first, was pulsing and red hot and all over – it felt as if fire ants were stinging her.

“It’s..fine.” She mumbled to herself, reaching with shaking hands to begin the task of stacking the books that she knocked over.

“No, it is not.” Came a hardened voice from behind her.

M/C tensed, her eyes widening as she registered the voice as Professor Trein. As she straightened her back quickly, aiming to turn to look at her professor, the room began to spin once more. Sound all around her became muffled as it felt as though her entire was was submerged underwater.

“ -s M/C. Are your manners that abhorrent that you cannot even turn to face when when I speak to y-.” Professor Trien fumed but his voice faded away despite how hard she attempted to focus on it.

“P-Professor…” She whimpered, curling into herself to try to stop the sensations around her; But they never ceased, even as she felt something wet run down her face - a pain beginning to bloom upon her head as she focused on the wet feeling.

And it all went dark.

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littlefreya · 4 years ago

Note

Henry's reaction to finding out GF's house is haunted.

Summary: Henry’s friend invites him over to watch a horror film on Halloween, problem is he is madly in love with her.

Pairings: Henry Cavill x Unamed OFC (3rd person, no description)

Warnings: RPF, fluff, romantic goo, friends to lovers or rather idiots to lovers, brief mentions of alcohol and Henry’s green hoodie p0rn.

Words: 1.6K

A/N: So I had to take it to the “friends to lovers” lane, also I will need all the fluff after what I am about to post tomorrow :|! Divider by @firefly-graphics. Beta’d by my beautiful @agniavateira . Also FYI my house is totally haunted.

Please comment and reblog if you enjoyed.

Haunted Houses

All Hallow's Eve was Henry’s favourite time of the year. The spicy autumn air was thickly shrouded by magic. Spooky tales and plastic spiders inhabited drapes of thin cotton tendrils and fat pumpkins carved with scary faces would sit on his doorstep to welcome him home or bid him farewell on his way out.

Per tradition, he would rally close friends at midnight for a horror flick and pineapple-anchovy pizza; often a bottle of rum would be added to the party. However, this Halloween fell on a bittersweet period, as his friends grew too old for said spooky gatherings. Starting new families of their own, they had no time to indulge him.

All save for her, who just like him was still somehow single.

How bad would it be to spend the evening just the two of them... alone? Ignoring the fact that it was enough to see her name flicker on the screen of his phone for pure warmth to enkindle in his chest. He thought about her often before he fell asleep and when he woke up; and by often, he meant every single day since he met her.

Though she didn’t think much of him as anything other than a friend she loved to banter with - he presumed. And of course she loved Kal, possibly more than she cared for him. Yet, Henry did what he did best: bury his emotions into a little pit he dug in the graveyard of his mind.

"Heh!” Henry croaked as the door opened. His sapphires ensnared the veils of black that cloaked her, preserving the sight of silk laces tied tightly at her torso in what seemed like a gothic medieval gown.

“I see you took off your costume for the evening."

She narrowed her eyes but only to observe his attire carefully: that same green hoodie and a pair of worn jeans that complimented his… asset.

She wanted to etch her fingers around the thick fabric and have a whiff of this hoodie, or perhaps just steal it and wear it forever and a day.

"First of all, it is called The Witching Hour so I must dress properly. Secondly - where is your costume, Cavill?" she crossed her arms together, looking rather displeased.

“I’m dressed as a homicidal maniac, we look like everybody else does.”

Snorting, she tilted her head, unimpressed. “You totally just stole this joke from Wednesday Addams.”

Henry shrugged and pressed his lips to a thin line. One of his foolish expressive gestures. It made her feel less nervous to which she was thankful. When she suggested they’d hang out despite them being the only two, she didn’t think much of the consequences of being all alone with the man who inhabited her mind and never paid rent. Everything about Henry made her feverish, but it was always easy when others accompanied them. The awkward anxiety of having to entertain him wasn’t her job, not up till now…

Oh, god! What if they had nothing to talk about? What if their playful chemistry was always influenced by the presence of other people?

Beads of sweat began to form below her breasts when Henry shoved a bottle of rum into her hand and then leaned in to steal a casual kiss from her cheek. She smiled with a friendly huff in return, stifling the shiver that coursed through her muscles while he welcomed himself into her home.

Striding forward, he peered at the Halloween decorations she hung across the walls and inhaled deeply - the scent of maple and buttery chestnuts filled the cosy little house, a scent that he could easily get intoxicated with.

It was what she smelled like and here he was, drowning in its excess.

After a quick observation, he turned to look at her, holding his hands clasped behind his back. She smiled awkwardly in return and then averted her gaze, becoming fascinated by the bottle he brought.

‘There it is,’ Henry mused, ‘that embarrassing silence, there is so much to tell her, but she probably… no! She definitely finds me boring.’

This Halloween celebration would probably be the last and it was all sorts of disastrous.

Trying to overcome the silence, he cleared his throat and reached a hand to scratch his curly mane. “So what movie are we watching?”

“Movie?” she asked confused and then quickly corrected, “Oh yes, umm... The Exorcist.”

“Good, love me some green vomit.” his eyes followed carefully as she waltzed into the small open kitchen, placing the rum on the counter and then returning with a large bowl that made his nostrils flare.

“Green vomit goes extremely well with caramelised popcorn,” she suggested and popped a golden flake of popcorn into her mouth.

“Sweet-salty popcorn? I love you!” Henry groaned and snatched the bowl right away. It was only when his mouth was stuffed that he realised what words he just used.

But she didn’t seem to react, thankfully. Instead, she brushed a hand over her many skirts and pointed toward the living room.

Hugging the bowl, Henry strode behind her, entering the dimly lit living room. The traditional pizza was already laid on the wooden coffee table, along with a few bottles of Guinness.

Her couch was small, only fit for a couple. And Henry, being a hulking man, took most of the space. Their thighs immediately ground into one another’s, yet they both pretended as if they hadn't noticed the hot tingle running beneath the layers of clothing.

“I have to warn you about something,” she uttered, hoping that the tremor she suddenly felt in her body was not visible to him.

Henry crooked his eyebrow, looking at the ominous glare she offered.

“My house is totally haunted.”

Not waiting for his answer, she grabbed the remote and pressed play. Henry chuckled at her silly joke, waiting for her to break character but she only peered at the screen.

“Nice try, I am not scared of that stuff.” He shifted in his seat slightly, lifting his lengthy arm and spreading it on the headrest right behind her. Immediately, he regretted this semi-possessive masculine gesture, but it was too late to pull it away.

Her instincts screamed to snuggle into him yet she held back. “Don’t believe me, but I am not making this up,” she insisted, “Every night around 3 am, I hear scratching from within the walls and these thuds from the ceiling, and then one night… I woke up the door creaking.”

Henry glanced at her quietly for a long moment, watching the reflection from the screen gyrating over her glossy irises and then snorted. He leaned toward the coffee table and grabbed two beers, uncorking them with the help of his pinky ring and then offering her one of the bottles.

“I think you have rats.”

“Rats who make heavy thuds and open bedroom doors?”

“Yup, a big fat randy rat.” he teased. “We’ll take a look at your bedroom later, but I promise you, there are no such things as ghosts.”

‘We’ll take a look in your bedroom? Great…’ He berated himself. At this point, he just wanted to sigh and shake his head.

She peered at him oddly, her throat clenching a tad before she turned her head back to the movie with a mumble, “It’s not a ghost, it’s a demon.”

Within a few minutes they grew quiet, deciding to focus on the movie with the occasional dry jokes and bad puns from Henry as an attempt to overcome his anxiety. Outside the window, thunder rumbled in the distance and shy raindrops lightly kissed the glass, tinted with the many vague shades of lights coming from the street.

Now and then, Henry shifted in his seat, his meaty thigh further grinding into her leg which stirred her blood to the point of electric spasms. She lightly pushed against him, pretending it’s by accident when truthfully, she wanted to exploit every second of being in his proximity. Had she any guts, she would turn to kiss him, but the thought alone made her heart clench in fear.

She threw him a glance, and their eyes met. Henry offered a kind grin, avoiding staring at her lips. She smiled back coyly, her heartbeat accelerating with anticipation when the possessed girl in the movie made a horrifying groan that ruined the moment.

And then the room suddenly was swallowed in darkness, followed by a strong clap of thunder that tore open the sky.

In the scant moment of chaos, he heard a scream and then the light came back as if nothing happened, aside from the fact that she was now in his arms, with her legs straddling his waist, and her fingers clutching the collar of his hoodie.

Henry was unsure how and when his hand found itself latched to the small of her back, only that he didn’t want to let go. They exchanged bemused glances and swallowed the dryness parching their throats.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely, “I got scared…”

Embarrassed to the point of tears, she attempted to climb off, wanting nothing more than to run to the bathroom and cry in hiding, when Henry sent a hand to stroke her temple and gently brushed his fingers behind her ear.

“Stay,” he insisted, squeezing into her lower back as if to prevent her from escaping.

Her lips parted slowly, the same golden hue that suffused the living room split into her eyes, beaming even brighter as he continued to caress her face before bringing her closer to graze her lips with his.

Halloween was, without a doubt, his favourite.

Tagging: @the-soot-sprite @henrythickcavill because they asked to be tagged in these. <3

#henry cavill #henry cavill rpf #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x ofc

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mgmoments · 3 years ago

Text

Growing Into Your Own

Diavolo | Obey Me!

Muscle growth, muscle worship, macro

Warning, NSFW

Your time spent with Diavolo was always some of your favorite. When you first arrived, little did you realize that the Lord of the Devildom would quickly become not only one of your closest friends, but even something a little more.

It wasn't uncommon for Diavolo to summon you to his opulent home for coffee, tea, or simply to spend the evening talking with you. Barbatos never seemed to mind the extra company, likely because it was good for the Master of the house to have someone else to talk to. That, and you were fairly good about cleaning up after yourself.

Today was no different. Diavolo had summoned you to his office to chat while he finished paperwork. Something seemed slightly off, however. You were never really one to notice the smaller details, but you couldn't help but take note at every time Diavolo tugged at his collar or attempted to pull his sleeves down.

"Dia, is something wrong? You've been tugging at your suit a ton since I got here," you asked, curious. He simply smiled.

"Ah, no no. Nothing's wrong. It's just...a touch tight. I suppose Barbatos must have shrunk it in the wash!"

"I assure you, I did not such thing Master Diavolo," Barbatos stated, entering the room to refill Diavolo's tea. "There is...another matter of concern. Perhaps our guest should depart so we might discuss this matter privately?"

Diavolo seemed ready to protest, but a sharp glance from Barbatos quieted him before he had the chance. He sighed. "I suppose it is getting late. I'll see you again tomorrow, yes? We can have one of those 'slumber parties' you said humans like to have!"

You laughed, but Diavolo simply beamed his bright smile. With no reason to protest, you gathered your things and headed back to the House of Lamentation. You couldn't help but wonder what exactly the two needed to discuss, however. Even more confusing is how it could possibly be related to Diavolo's clothing being tight.

"I'll be Barbatos just didn't wanna admit he messed up in front of ya," Mammon said at dinner that night. "Dude's obsessed with perfection, he just didn't want ya to think he was anythin' less than perfect."

Mammon squealed as Lucifer smacked him in the back of the head with a rolled up paper.

"There is a good enough reason why they needed to discuss matters without a human present, Mammon. It has little to do with perfection. It simply is not their business, or yours for that matter."

"Then you know what they're talking about?" You asked, knowing that Lucifer wouldn't tell you even if he did know. The frown that settled on his face was answer enough.

"Unfortunately," he replied, "Whatever this issue is it is one they've decided does not concern me. It is worth stating that Diavolo has been complaining about his clothing for some time now, at least a week. I'm surprised that it just now became an actual issue. Regardless, we all need to keep our noses out of royal Devildom business. Am I understood?"

You and all the brothers gave a quick nod. Lucifer smiled, and dinner continued. Despite everything, you couldn't shove the issue out of your head. In a way it was almost exciting to think about all the possibilities. Your mind raced with theories as you drifted off to sleep.

You returned to Diavolo's castle later the next day, only to be greeted by the towering demon dressed in a dragon onesie.

"What do you think?" he asked, turning around to show off the fine details, "I heard that humans dress in fun nightwear for events such as these, so I had Barbatos make this special. Is it nice?"

"I love it, Dia," you said with a smile, laughing at Diavolo's antics, "It suits you. Though, I see you more as a teddy bear than a dragon myself."

Diavolo smiled, and wrapped you in a massive hug.

Demons, on average, were already larger than humans. Even the relatively short Mammon and Asmodeus were still both slightly taller than you. Large demons like Beel and Diavolo, however, towered over you. You always considered yourself lucky that they were so kind, because you could only wonder how things would be if these two titans decided to use their size against you.

Diavolo's strong hand enveloped your own as he led you to his home theater like am excited child. He gleefully informed you of all the movies and snacks he had planned for the two of you as you both settled down into massive beanbags. Your seat didn't last long, however, as you were soon sitting comfortably in Diavolo's lap with his arms wrapped around you.

You both sat in quiet comfort watching some cheesy romcom when you felt something throb beneath you. You were taken aback- Diavolo wasn't the type to be...like that. Then you felt it again, realizing that Diavolo's legs appeared to be tensing up. Looking up to him, you noticed him wincing slightly. A small groan escaped his lips.

"Dia...? Everything ok?"

"Y-yeah. I...I think my legs are asleep is all. Let me just...urgh....stand up."

You rose from Diavolo's lap as he rose to unsteady legs. You couldn't help but feel like he looked slightly larger than before. It was subtle, but it was almost as if his onesie had begun to cling to him where it had once hung off of him.

Diavolo groaned again and nearly stumbled over as Barbatos entered the room with a new tray of food. Barbatos quickly placed the tray down and rushed to his master's side to hold him up.

"Is Dia ok, Barbatos? He seems out of it."

"The Master has simply been overworking himself recently, that's all. Exhaustion is beginning to get to him."

"No, Barbatos," Diavolo groaned, "It's finally coming, I just can't hold it back any longer. We need to be honest with them. They'll find out soon enough anyway."

"..Very well," Barbatos said, turning towards you. Diavolo sat back down as Barbatos began to speak.

"Lord Diavolo, as you are well aware, is lord of the Devildom. It is more than a title. You may consider it...something like a race. He is unlike the other demons you've met here. He is far more powerful, not simply because of his station but because he is naturally more inclined towards power. Part of his natural aging involves what you humans could almost consider a second puberty, a period of time when he finally fully matures and can be considered ready to take the crown of the Devildom for his own."

"What does...what does that actually involve?" you asked, watching Diavolo breathe heavily in his seat.

"You may have noticed the young Master tugging at his clothing recently. It's been a slow process thus far, but part of this evolution involves Lord Diavolo increasing drastically in physical size. This is no longer common knowledge, but Lord Diavolo's father was large enough to completely fill this room. Lord Diavolo will likely be that size when this process is completed, and based on what we are currently seeing, the process will be completed tonight."

"Wait, hold on! You're saying Dia is gonna completely fill this room tonight? Sure he's big, but he's nowhere close to being that big."

"It will cease being a slow process soon enough. Lord Diavolo is entering the final stage, and it will all happen relatively quickly. I recommend-"

Before Barbatos could finish, Diavolo let out a large groan. Both you and Barbatos' eyes snapped towards the demon prince as his entire body began to tremble and pulsate. The sound of tearing fabric began to fill the room as Diavolo's body began to push outwards in all directions. The onesie struggled to hold on as Diavolo's body began to tear through it, each muscle increasing in size and thickness. His feet were first to break free, tearing away Diavolo's slippers with his toes curling in seeming pain. His arms and legs followed, his swelling biceps and thighs tearing through the cloth like it was merely tissue paper. As each second passed, Diavolo's body grew larger and large with more and more muscle packing onto his steadily taller frame. His groans slowly became moans. The process was clearly no longer painful.

Sure enough, Diavolo's cock broke free of his pants and flopped about in front of him, throbbing half-erect. He breathed heavily as pre began to drip from the tip, the cock continuing to grow with his body. You felt your cheeks grow hot, embarrassed to watch the obscene display but finding yourself aroused by the process.

"L-love," Diavolo panted, his horns and wings erupting from his head and back, "p...please..."

You looked to Barbatos who was nowhere to be seen. With no one to tell you otherwise, you climbed Diavolo's powerful thighs and placed yourself atop his expanding lap. You wrapped your own legs around his cock, the entire thing reaching up to your chin, and began to stroke it gently with both hands. You carefully ran both hands over the tanned skin, feeling every muscle and tendon in the cock with care before steadily picking up the pace. The cock stood at attention, and Diavolo's entire body shuddered in response. Without thinking you placed your mouth around the tip as best as you could, and began licking. Diavolo moaned in ecstasy as the cock throbbed with newfound power in your mouth. You felt the pressure within slowly build until it erupted outwards. Unable to remove your head in time, a large amout of Diavolo's seed found its way into your mouth before you were thrown backwards from the force of the eruption. The cock continued to let loose powerful stream after stream of semen until the room was nearly completely covered in it. When the stream finally abated, you felt the massive body beneath you begin to relax.

You, however, were not finished. You rose from the cock and began to admire the rest of Diavolo's newly massive body. You ran each hand over his powerful new muscles, tracing every curve and line and taking the time to appreciate every individual muscle. Diavolo's body shuddered again as you reached his chest and rubbed each of nipples. A small moan escaped his lips. Eventually he seemed satisfied with your worship, and cupped you in a massive hand. Next thing you knew, you were sitting on his palm in front of his movie screen sized face, his golden eyes looking at you with adoration.

"Are you ok, my little love? I hope this all didn't come as too much of a shock to you."

You simply smiled, and brought your lips to his. The two of you exchanged the closest thing to a kiss you could, Diavolo's lips nearly engulfing your entire head. You pulled back and smiled at one another.

"I would like to apologize for ruining our sleep over, my love. And for...my unseemly behavior. Please do not think worse of me for it, and please know that even now I will never do anything to hurt you."

You knew. You'd known for nearly a year now that Diavolo would never harm you. If nothing else, tonight had simply shown you how much he truly cared for you. Life moving forward would be different for you both, but you never were one for doing things the normal way. You settled down in Diavolo's warm palm as something deep within your body began to shudder...

#obey me #diavolo #diavolo smut #male muscle growth #male shapeshift #male tf #mg #muscle tf #macrophilia #sizetumblr

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