#i feel like only three people could answer this with certainty lmao

[gifti3]

is asmo the only person in the game with skin issues??

is he just unlucky or is everyone else in the game not as obsessed over super clear skin and dont worry too much when acne happens?

[sodone-withlife]

one sentence

i saw sumayyah‘s answer to an anon’s ask (so all credit for this idea goes to them) about that scene in Omnivore where Rossi is offering Hotch his gun and this thing pretty much wrote itself (which is exceedingly rare lmao), so here is something that i thought would be just a few hundred words but ended up being a really long interpretation of the Foyet arc with hurt/minimal comfort with a good amount of pre-Mortch (or you can see them as platonic, i think it’s up for interpretation). 

also, just a quick heads up, i love Papa Rossi, but for the purposes of this fic, it might seem a little bash-y towards him

warnings: quite a bit of suicidal ideation, (almost) attempted suicide, implied/referenced suicide, canon-typical violence, canonical character death

word count: 7.9k words

The highlighted words stared back at Hotch as Shaunessy’s words echoed in his mind.

A deal with the devil.

“Yes, that’s exactly right,” he told Garcia.

“Because I found it, do I get to know what it’s about?” the analyst asked, unrepentantly curious. Hotch sent her a look.

Might as well. Shaunessy’s not going to last much longer, and we’ll be called in…  “The Reaper,” he said simply.

“Like—the Boston Reaper?” Garcia lowered her voice as she named the notorious killer. Hotch nodded. “I didn’t even know the BAU worked on that case,” she remarked. 

“1998,” Hotch informed her, remembering caffeine-fueled sleepless nights and the palpable fear on the streets. “It was my first case for the BAU as lead profiler.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but we don’t have a profile for the Reaper in the system, do we?”

Not in the system, no. “That’ll be all Penelope, you can go home now,” Hotch told Garcia, turning to the bottom drawer of the shelf behind his desk as the analyst nodded and left. Pulling out a worn folder bursting with papers and photos, he placed the newspaper clipping and the evidence bag protecting the contract into it. He left it to the side and refocused on the folder in front of him filled with sheets of old handwritten notes filled with annotations and crossed-out sections. 

There will be no sleeping tonight.

Early September, 1998

“You’re sending me?” Hotch was sitting ramrod straight in surprise, blindsided by Gideon’s sudden decision.

“Yeah,” Gideon answered simply, leaning back in his chair as much as he could in the cramped space and looking supremely unperturbed. “Do you not want to go?”

Hotch shook herself out of his shocked state, scrambling to gather his wits. “No—I mean, I’ll go, but—”

“But?”

Hotch carefully evaluated his words. “I’ve only been here a few months, and you’re sending me to Boston—alone—to help with the Reaper case? The case that has been going on for three years, longer than I’ve even been an agent, involving a killer that could probably put the Zodiac to shame?” 

The older agent shrugged. “I have to stay and hold down the fort since we are severely understaffed, but I’ll always be a phone call away, and you’re mainly there just to act as eyes for the both of us. You’re not working on this alone.”

Hotch stiffened as a sudden—but careful—warm touch on his hand pulled him out of the spiral of self-doubt he had been teetering over and grounded him. He brought his eyes back to Gideon and was surprised to see complete openness and no signs of deception or maliciousness that he had been forced to learn long ago at the hands of his father. 

“I’m not Dave,” Gideon began seriously, “I wasn’t the one who pulled you over here or the one you started out shadowing under, but I do talk to people. I know about your record in prosecution, in Seattle, and in SWAT, and it is very telling. You never doubted yourself before, and I have no doubt that you can handle yourself, so why are you starting now?” 

He leaned back, clearly done with the impromptu pep talk that Hotch, still frozen, figured happened once in a blue moon based on what Rossi had told him about the unit before he retired. The cramped room was silent as Hotch felt Gideon watching him struggling with internal strife. Slowly, he released some of the tension that was coiled within him, and Gideon turned back to his stack of consults with an air of satisfaction. 

“Start packing, Agent Hotchner. Boston awaits your presence.”

Late November, 1998

“Do you know what the hell is going on?” Hotch immediately asked when the call went through, pacing around his hotel room.

“And a good evening to you too.”

“Gideon.”

“What is it, Hotch?” his tone changed from dry to worried in a heartbeat, hearing the uncharacteristic urgency in his agent’s voice and the lack of nervousness that usually showed his agent’s discomfort towards using the less-formal form of address.

“Shaunessy, the lead detective,” Hotch spat out, throwing the case file that was in his hand on the bed. “He closed the case.”

“And that warrants a phone call at eleven PM, why?”

Hotch bit back a sharp retort, letting out a sharp breath. “You know I’ve been re-interviewing the victims’ friends and family, going through everything they had and lines of investigation that may have been dropped, working the profile along the way, but there have been no viable suspects, even with the accelerated killings,” he said quickly, a mess of emotions swirling inside him. “Gideon, no arrests have been made but he closed the case, just like that.”

“Remind me, when was the last victim?”

“Just over six weeks ago, a month after I got here. I know what you’re thinking,” Hotch said when Gideon didn’t respond, “that the case just went cold, but there were still things I had people following up on. It’s not cold,” he insisted.

“Well, there’s nothing you can do about it, Hotch. I know you don’t like it, but the locals have point on this.”

Hotch sighed, but it did nothing to calm him down. “I know,” he said, annoyed. “I’m catching an early train back to DC, I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

January 2003

“The Reaper?”

Hotch slammed the folder shut and looked up from his desk, startled. He sent Gideon a glare, glad that no one else was there to see his composure slip, but he only looked vaguely concerned. 

“It’s been just over four years,” Gideon commented neutrally. “You’ve had that folder at the bottom of your third drawer, and you’ve pulled it out at least forty different times since ‘98.”

Hotch stared up at him in a challenge. “Is there something wrong with that?”

Gideon shook his head. “Just be careful. Don’t get too drawn into the chase.”

~~~

Sighing as he rubbed the familiar ache on the back of his neck that always appeared during paperwork days and especially stressful cases, Hotch closed his battered folder of notes and opened it back up again. It was almost compulsive at this point, repeating every twenty minutes and each time with the hope something new would catch his attention.

Hotch shifted, the bedsheets suddenly feeling unbearably scratchy and coarse even through his slacks. The case details buzzed around his head incessantly, distracting him from feeling the physical exhaustion and strain caused by the lack of proper sustenance and the stress of a day filled with dead ends.

The sudden ringing shattered the silence of the room, knocking him from his focus. He got up from the bed and warily walked over to the source, picking up the hotel phone and bringing it up to his ear. 

“Hotchner,” he said out of habit, only to freeze as the hairs on the back of his neck stood up in reaction to the sudden, heavy breathing. “Who is this?” he demanded, throwing the folder he was still holding back on the bed with dread rising within him. 

“If you stop hunting me, I’ll stop hunting them.” His question about the caller’s identity went unanswered, though the cursed words of the contract spoken by the same distorted voice that was heard on the 911 calls from ten years ago was confirmation enough.

Anger flared inside him at the audacity, and he snapped back, “You think I’d take that?”

“It’s a good deal,” the Reaper replied flatly.

“I’ve misjudged you,” he said, some distant part of him wondering how Shaunessy felt when he himself got the offer ten years ago. “I thought you were smarter than this,” he was unable to help the derisive tone.

The silence was long enough for him to wonder how much he had caught him unawares with his response. 

“You should take it.” 

“And you’ve misjudged me.”

“This is your last chance,” he warned.

Hotch didn’t hesitate. “I don’t make deals. I’m the woman who hunts guys like you.” That got the reaction he was hoping for.

“There are no guys like me,” the killer growled, anger bleeding into his tone.

He scoffed. “You all think that.”

“You’ll regret this,” he warned.

It was said with such certainty that a chill shot down his spine, but it was overshadowed by his anger. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised, promptly hanging up without another word. He walked back around the bed, feeling a sudden need to put as much distance between him and the phone as possible. It was with some hysterical hilarity that he wondered if the next people to stay in this room would know about what had just happened—that a serial killer tried to threaten an FBI agent into surrendering in this room.

Those feelings faded away when a terrible feeling suddenly came over Hotch as he realized the Reaper knew which hotel—which room—he was staying in.

It wasn’t unusual during their cases for an unsub to contact another person in the midst of their crimes, but the memories of Elle in the hospital bed and Morgan in the interrogation room had been seared into his brain. 

Both times, unsubs directly went after members of the team.

Unable to remain in the room any longer, he went around unceremoniously throwing his things inside his bags before leaving the hotel room. Paranoia quickly crept back into his consciousness as he quickly made his way down to the parking garage with a hand near his gun, intent on heading straight to the field office.

Only half an hour later, Hotch was staring at the glinting gold ring on the bus driver’s hand, feeling oddly detached from the situation as he was confronted with the consequences of that cursed phone call.

“6 bodies, not including the driver,” Rossi said from the back of the bus. “He put them down with a gun—or, more likely, guns—and finished them off with his knife.” 

The call had come straight to the field office, just minutes after Hotch walked into the empty conference room that the team had taken command of. A beat cop had heard a series of gunshots and went to investigate, only to see the macabre painting of blood on the side of the bus with its occupants slumped over inside, unmoving. “Arthur Lanessa’s wedding ring,” Hotch heard himself say for the other agent’s benefit.

“What’d he take?” Rossi made his way down to him in the front. 

He snapped back into the present with a sudden surge of anger. “Does it matter?” he asked bitingly, turning and storming away from the crime scene for the relative privacy of a nearby alley.

“Hey,” Rossi called in worry, taken aback by the brash response. “What’s going on with you?”

Hotch stopped some way into the alley and took a deep breath, taking his time before turning to Rossi, who had followed closely behind. “He called me tonight at my hotel room and offered me the deal.” 

“What did you say?”

“I hung up on him,” his eyes burned with the sting of tears—whether out of anger at the Reaper or himself, he wasn’t sure. “And then he does this.”

“So you think this is your fault?”

How could it be anything but? He looked away, trying to hide just how shaken he was. “It is.”

The familiar sound of the safety of a gun being released pulled his attention back to the man in front of him. “Well, here, use mine,” Rossi said, holding out his gun to him. “You convinced me. No, no, you hung up on him,” he pushed as he waved him off, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You practically killed them yourself—”

You practically killed them yourself.

You practically killed them yourself.

Killed them yourself.

Killed them. 

Yourself.

You.

You did this.

You should have made the deal

Hotch flinched away from the touch of cold metal against his head only to freeze in his place, ice settling in his bones as he processed what was happening. Barely seeing the horror on Rossi’s face, he stared at the other man’s empty hand before he focused in on the gun that was resting against his own head, tilted at an angle. There were five things he knew:

I have a finger on the trigger. 

My hand is trembling. 

I am still one of the best shots of the agents that are not in a tactical team.

Make one move, fire the gun, only the hearing in my right ear will be gone and the darkness continues to creep towards me.

Make a different move, fire the gun, I’ll leave Jack the legacy of a coward and Haley the knowledge that her efforts back in high school and college were for naught.

You did this, a malicious voice in his head said, sounding oddly like his father. And suddenly, he recalled the memory of the blood droplets hitting him and the ringing in his ears the first time he witnessed a gun go off when he was nine.

Slowly, deliberately, Hotch met Rossi’s horrified and guilt-filled expression and lowered the gun from his head. Carefully measuring his steps, he moved forward and pressed the gun into the older agent’s hand, which dropped down to the side, the weight of the gun now accompanied by something unseen, something much heavier.

Not sparing him another glance, Hotch turned and walked back out of the alley.

This isn’t the time nor place to break. 

But in the end, he didn’t have a choice. 

“Foyet escaped.”

Hotch’s blood ran cold as he processed JJ’s words before he roughly placed his mug onto the desk and stood up from his chair, following JJ outside to the bullpen that was full of noise and movement.

“Guards found him in his cell vomiting blood and convulsing, they rushed him to the prison hospital,” JJ explained quickly as they made their way down the catwalk. Hotch twitched as he heard Rossi’s office door open behind him, the man coming out to see what the commotion was about.

“Get me the US Marshal’s Office,” Hotch ordered, making the executive decision to ignore the older agent in favor of getting down to business. 

“I already called Don Reilly. I offered our assistance, he said they’d call us if they needed it.”

Prentiss rushed to the trio, holding a phone up to her ear. “The Boston field office just identified documents from Foyet’s house,” she reported.

Reid approached the agents gathered in the middle of the room, holding out a printout of what looked to be a set of blueprints. “They’re schematics for the electrical, heating, and water ducts of the East Woburn Correctional Facility.”

Hotch looked at him blankly. “He had the schematics.”

“And not just for Woburn—for every jail, prison, and courthouse in Massachusetts.”

“And ten years to plan,” Rossi added, a heavy silence following as everyone turned to the TV.

Finally, Garcia turned around. “They’re going to find him, right?” she asked worriedly.

Eyes still trained on Foyet's mugshot on the TV, Hotch was completely certain in his answer. “No, they’re not,” he said, just as the memory of Foyet’s words rose to the forefront of his mind, unbidden.

If you know me so well, how come so many had to die to bring you here?

I’m going to be more famous than you realize.

“Excuse me,” he muttered, trying to get a hold of the wave of nausea that suddenly overcame him. He brushed past the team, purposely heading out of the bullpen for one of the bathrooms that was further away for the sake of keeping the team and their concern off his back.

Within minutes he was throwing up bile and the small amount of alcohol he had drank back in his office into the sink, thanking the god he never believed in that the bathroom was rather secluded so there wouldn’t be anyone catching him in this moment of weakness. His eyes burned for the second time in less than twenty-four hours—only this time, a few traitorous tears managed to escape from underneath his eyelids. 

The taste of bile was strong as he turned on the tap and splashed his face with cold water, stiffening when he heard the door swing open and closed. Looking up to the mirror, he was both relieved and unsurprised to see Morgan locking the door behind him. 

“You’ve been avoiding Rossi,” Morgan commented quietly. Hotch huffed a sardonic laugh, straightening up and turning around to face him, leaning against the sink for support. It was a familiar situation, one first started years ago when it was just them and Gideon, and stopped after the team started growing. Then New York happened and Hotch had to de-stress in a gas station they stopped at on the drive back to Quantico, and their secret rendezvous started happening again, when cases hit too close to home for either of them.

Somehow he always knows what the root problem is. “Was I that obvious?”

Morgan shook his head. “You know you hide it well. I’ve just known you far longer than any of the others, besides Rossi, of course.” He didn’t go on, waiting on the other to decide the direction the conversation would go. 

Deciding to go for complete honesty, Hotch swallowed, tilting his head up and avoiding Morgan’s eyes. “He called me at my hotel room and offered me the deal.”

To his credit, Morgan only stepped closer, face creased in concern and a hint of knowing. “I said no, and he shot up a bus,” Hotch continued tonelessly. “I lost it in an alley near the crime scene. Dave had pulled out his gun and was trying to make a point about self-flagellation, but—” he cut himself off and shook his head frustratedly.

“I don’t know what happened. One moment I was just angry, and the next moment I was aiming a gun at my head,” he met Morgan’s eyes desperately, stern facade completely gone. “I don’t know what I wanted to do—I don’t,” his voice cracked as he sagged against the sink and his trembling became more pronounced. He quickly covered his mouth as a sob tried to escape his throat, prompting Morgan to move.

It was surprising to both him and Morgan how willingly he melted into Morgan’s body when the man reached out to stabilize him, but the sensation of the embrace was oddly calming for both of them. Neither spoke as they stood in the bathroom, not even as Morgan felt his shirt getting wet from the tears that Hotch finally let fall, and not even as the crying became more audible. 

Now, they would stay in the bathroom and soak up the comfort that they offered each other. They would talk about Foyet’s taunts and what Hotch confessed later. 

But later never came, because life never waits, and neither do unsubs.

Soon, they were racing against the clock as Reid got infected with an engineered strain of anthrax

Soon, they were investigating one of the worst, stomach-turning crimes they had seen. 

When they got back from the pig farm, Hotch only asked the team for a bare-bones report of the investigation and let them leave to the comfort of their homes while he stayed behind and dealt with the rest of the paperwork and red tape that was involved because of their foray into Canadian jurisdiction. 

It was past midnight when Hotch finally left the office and entered his apartment with the intent of pulling out a glass of scotch and staying on his couch with a book, knowing there was no way he was going to fall asleep that night.  

But Foyet was waiting, and Hotch was weakened by the exhaustion and stress of two all-nighters in a row.  

That night, as his team was sleeping in their beds, dead to the world while he was slowly bleeding out and floating in and out of consciousness in his own apartment, he could only take comfort in the fact that his death sealed Foyet’s fate. There was no way Morgan the team—hell, even Strauss, or anyone in the bureau—would stop hunting his killer to exact their revenge. 

He faded into unconsciousness with the expectation that that was it.

He slowly regained consciousness to the sharp smell of antiseptic and the unpleasantly familiar beeping of a heart monitor. Fatigue settling heavily over his whole body was the next sensation that registered in his foggy mind, and then the sound of approaching footsteps.

“Where am I?” he forced out through a dry throat, eyes still closed.

“In the hospital,” Rossi, his mind told him. He opened his eyes only to close them again when he was met with blindingly bright lights, letting out a pained breath. 

“How did I get here?”

“Foyet drove you.”

Morgan. He drew in a shaky breath as dull, pulsing pain finally made itself known through the painkillers.

“Can you remember what happened?”

That’s Prentiss.

He vaguely felt his head loll to the side before the memories rushed back into the forefront of his mind. Foyet’s words, the same exact words he remembered thinking back in that alley echoed unpleasantly,

You should have made the deal.

Hotch swallowed again and forced his eyes open through the heavy fatigue. “What did he take?” he asked quietly, unwilling to delve deep into what he remembered and deciding to mentally run through the details about the Reaper case instead.

“What do you mean?” Rossi asked, uncomprehending.

“The Reaper always takes something from his victims.” you’re one of his victims now—shut up and think about that later “Do we know what he took?” 

“There was a page missing from your day planner,” his eyes flew open and he looked over at Prentiss as she continued talking, “in the address section, the Bs.” 

No— “What did he leave?” Hotch asked, eyes slipping shut as a trickle of fear went down his spine and his brain screamed out in denial. 

“I don't know,” Prentiss said, floundering.

“He also leaves something with his victims,” he trailed off in a breathless whisper, unable to sustain the volume he had been speaking at as the throbbing grew stronger.

“I looked over your whole apartment,” Prentiss told him helplessly. “Nothing felt out of place.”

A thought came to him. “Where are my clothes?” Hotch asked, slowly trying to force his eyes open again. He turned his head, watching Prentiss bring a plastic bag over to the hospital bed. Careful to avoid looking directly at his bloodied clothes, Hotch managed to pull the bulging manila envelope closer to him on his chest. 

His hands froze as his credentials slipped out and he noticed a folded paper tucked inside. Slowly, shakily, Hotch pulled them out of the envelope and carefully flipped it open. 

He sank deeper into the bed as the breath he had been holding was almost punched out of him by the sheer terror that pulsed through him, the treasured picture of Haley and Jack staring back at him tauntingly. That’s my blood, he thought blankly, staring at the red streak he knew was deliberately painted over his family’s smiling faces.

“Haley’s maiden name is Brooks,” he finally said, almost numb to the implications. “I always listed her in the Bs in my personal information in case it fell into the wrong hands.” 

Some kind of precaution it turned out to be. 

“He knows where they live.”

And that was that. As Hotch was stuck in flashbacks and lied to Prentiss about what happened, Morgan led the SWAT team in sweeping Hotch’s old house and picked Jack up from his playdate. As Hotch talked with Haley and failed to not think about that night in the alley with the cold metal against his head, Morgan played with Jack outside and failed to not think about Foyet using his credentials so he could continue to torture his friend boss. As Hotch remained confined to the hospital bed, Morgan watched through an upper-story window as Haley and Jack were driven off into the distance to a location unknown to anyone but a select few in the Marshals service. 

Nine stab wounds, thirty minutes down time, and six days in the cursed hospital.

The numbers circled through Hotch’s mind when he stepped back into his apartment and had to work through the panic that rose within as he stared towards the place where he knew Foyet had been hiding. 

In the end, what brought him back from the edge was when his eyes caught the new security panel that had been installed over where he knew the bullet had made a hole and the sticky note with what he recognized as Morgan’s handwriting that was stuck over it, concisely written instructions on how to use it. If he looked around carefully enough for other signs of Morgan’s presence, he could see where the section of bloodstained carpet had been replaced, and that was only because there was the tiniest spot that had been missed. 

The tiniest reminder was enough to send Hotch into a panic, but he knew there was no way he could tell Morgan about it. 

Is this what you felt like, Elle? Unsafe in your own home, having to sweep each room for fear of another one of the monsters we hunt lurking in the shadows?

Slowly, numbly, Hotch worked his way through medical leave and physiotherapy, during which everyone in his team came over at least twice, Prentiss and Morgan the most often to help change his bandages. He knew they worried, but he couldn’t summon the will to care nor the words to thank them for keeping him company and preventing the darkness in his mind from taking over. 

And maybe it was a good thing, because there were things they didn’t know, things that he lied to them about. He lied and he lied, and he knew that if he had the words, they would all come tumbling out, and what little of himself that he had left would be exposed for all to see. 

Even if Morgan had tried to take everything he might be able to use, there was still his mind, and so if he had the words, they would all know how many times he envisioned holding cold metal against his head just as he had back in that alley.

On the thirty-fifth day after he was discharged from the hospital, when they were discussing Darren Call on the plane, they came close to finding out. 

So why hasn’t he killed himself yet? Sprees usually end in suicide. If he's got nothing to live for, why hasn't he ended it?

It was much later, after a day of being on the receiving end of careful, worried glances, and overhearing Morgan’s firm declaration from inside his office that he realized his slip. 

“I’m not going to stand by and watch this man kill himself,” Hotch had heard Morgan snap towards Rossi. Moments later, Morgan passed in front of his office window and made eye contact with him, making it clear that his choice of words was deliberate. 

Suddenly Hotch was back in the alleyway with the gun pressed to his head and managed to talk himself off the ledge he didn’t know he was standing on while Rossi stood there, frozen and horrified that his brazen attempt at making a point had backfired so disastrously. His own words on the plane came back to him, then thought about what others would have seen when he walked into that house unarmed, and he understood. 

He hadn’t been thinking at all when he went in to try and talk Darren Call down, but though he didn’t have a background in psychology, there were some things that didn’t need expert opinion to be said, and so he knew exactly his action could be classified as. 

Don’t lie to yourself, you know exactly what that was.

Hotch swallowed convulsively and broke eye contact with Morgan, turning back to stare at paperwork until the other man walked back to his desk in the empty bullpen. As much as he tried, he couldn’t forget Morgan’s impassioned exclamation nor the depth of the worry that was present in his eyes when they made eye contact through the window.

Maybe that was the day when things shifted. It wasn’t a complete change—the team still hovered around Hotch in uncertain worry, his thoughts never completely disappeared, and he nearly broke down in the bathroom the day Jack turned four in witness protection after seeing what footage of his child on a playground Garcia could enhance. 

There was, however, a different air to his and Morgan’s interactions after that case. Perhaps it was a long time coming, stemming from the painful understanding that was formed that day in the secluded bathroom when they found comfort in each other.

It wasn’t news that the higher-ups were watching him again, but then he walked back to his office after helping JJ triage consult requests to see Strauss fixing him with a stern stare. The next few days he spent trying to work through the frustration of recording and justifying every decision while trying and failing not to antagonize Morgan. And so while he waited for Morgan to come into his office, he could only hope that he hadn’t managed to destroy the strange friendship that had been built between them based on their shared knowledge of just how close he was to the ledge sometimes.

I should give him more credit, I don’t know how he puts up with me sometimes, and he has more than enough reason to report me to Strauss.

“Come on, Hotch, nobody's gonna replace you,” Morgan said, incredulous at the notion of Hotch getting replaced. “Fight Strauss. I'll go to the mat for you, so will everybody else. You know that.” 

“Morgan, it won't work,” Hotch spoke over him, trying to get him to understand. “Decisions like this have their own momentum. Unless I step down—”

“Step down? What are you talking about?”

A foreign feeling Hotch recognized with some surprise as amusement wriggled its way into his consciousness as he anticipated Morgan’s reaction to his coming announcement, “I'm resigning as unit chief at the end of the week”

“What? No!” Hotch couldn’t stop his mouth from twitching as his feeling of amusement grew slightly stronger at the visceral reaction. “Hotch, look, yeah, ok, sometimes your actions, I may disagree with them, but it's not enough for you to leave this team.”

“I'm not leaving the team, I'm just no longer in charge,” Hotch corrected, continuing before Morgan could get in a word. “You are.”

He watched as Morgan’s jaw dropped in shock, before finally asking, “Me?” Detecting no deception from Hotch who had nodded, he continued. “Look, I had the chance to be unit chief in New York, and I said no. I turned it down because I like this team. Strauss can't just fire you like this.”

“She can reassign me, and we can avoid that if I promote internally.”

Unable to come up with a counterargument, Morgan was silent for a moment. “This is wrong,” he finally said. 

A strange thrill went through Hotch at the confidence Morgan had in him—their relationship, while slightly different now, ultimately had been built on unstated respect and the ease with which both were able to call each other out on their bullshit; it wasn’t built on such blatant declarations of trust and confidence. Hotch opened his hands, shrugging helplessly. “It's the only way to keep the team together.”

Morgan nodded consideringly before carefully eyeing Hotch. “So all of this,” he gestured between them, bringing up the tension that had built up between them in the last case, “this is why you've been pushing me so hard, huh?”

“I haven't been pushing you that hard,” Hotch denied, only to get a disbelieving look from the other man. He let out a faint smile before regarding the other with a serious look again. “Morgan, I need to know right now. Will you do this?”

He couldn’t articulate the relief he felt when Morgan finally agreed and continued to feel for the rest of the night as he introduced Morgan to the other parts of the job. Just like every other positive emotion he had felt over the past few years, however, it was short-lived, as Hotch had freed up time to dedicate to the hunt, even as he often stayed later to help Morgan get adjusted. Within months, they were called into a family annihilator case and Hotch was confronting Karl Arnold, one of the few unsubs that had continued to haunt him even after the case was closed and they were killed or incarcerated.

Of course, Arnold had to get in the last word, and oh, did he get it in. 

The cursed eye of providence, now drawn over a newspaper article about the attack months ago, never failed to create a surge of anger and fear within him, but never had it created such a storm of emotions before now. One torturous night of waiting as the envelope the taunts were sent in went through the lab, and the whole team was in the throes of the hunt, and in the process, fell victim to tunnel vision.

What if they had slowed down and remembered that Foyet worked with computers? Would they have managed to catch him at the apartment unawares? Would they have been better prepared for what Foyet had planned to do?

But there wasn’t anything Hotch could do except try and talk Foyet out of going through with his plans while trying to maintain as level of a head as possible.

“Your mother tried to protect you from your father, but she wasn’t strong enough, and you hated her for that, didn’t you? So, you decided that all women were weak,” Hotch suddenly brought up, hoping to catch him off guard as he vaguely wondered if the team was on the line, listening. 

“Those are your words, not mine,” came the grating, annoyingly blasé reply.

“What were you, nine when you killed them?

“It was a car accident. And, now that I think about it, our childhoods are eerily similar, don’t you think?” 

Caught unawares, Hotch jerked the steering wheel, barely managing to avoid crashing the car as Foyet continued. “But it was only your father who died, whereas your mother remarried.”

How—? He turned cold at the show of Foyet’s obsession, which was clearly much deeper than he or anyone in the team could have predicted.

“No response?” the killer taunted.

“My father swallowed a bullet because he couldn’t live with his self loathing or the cancer,” Hotch finally snapped, quickly directing the subject back towards Foyet. Even with the pit in his stomach growing as it became clearer that he was being toyed with, he couldn’t help but use every negotiation tactic he knew and taught at the Academy, desperately but futilely trying to dissuade the killer. 

“Haven't you gotten what you wanted?” Hotch tried, somehow having regained his composure after the unpleasant bombshell. “You've set yourself apart from anybody we've ever dealt with. You're not just a famous serial killer, you're the Reaper. We're going to study you and your methods for years and years.”

“You know what I've been thinking?” Foyet finally asked after a few moments of silence, his next words sending his heart pounding in fear. “Haley looks really good with dark hair. She’s lost some weight. Must be all the stress you caused her. Where's the little man?” No, don’t you dare— “Oh. There he is. Does he like Captain America because of you?” 

Hotch gripped his phone tightly as he heard the ringing of another phone. “That's your wife. Hold, please—Mrs. Hotchner,” Foyet took on an accent, tone turning jovial. “Open the gate and I'll drive in.”

Open the gate? That son of a—of course.

“Aaron?” the malicious glee was back, cutting right to Hotch’s core. “I really gotta go.”

Almost frozen with fear, he pushed the car faster, heading straight towards the old house and praying to whatever deity he could think of that he could get there in time. He wasn’t sure how long had passed when he got Morgan’s call, which was confirmation that the team had indeed been listening. He didn’t dwell on it and only continued to push the car, disregarding speed limits and almost hysterically glad that it was the middle of the day and the streets were relatively empty. 

When his phone rang, it was with numb, mechanical movements that he answered, fully prepared to beg and bargain for his family’s life if he had to, only to sharply inhale at Haley’s dearly missed voice, which turned shaky with fear when she realized the danger she was in. As Foyet undercut their exchange with his maliciously satisfied taunts, telling Haley all that he could never bring himself to confess about the case, Hotch could only think about how he was just too far away, Haley, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for lying to you about everything, I’ll never forgive myself—

But then Jack was on the phone, and the pure innocence and eagerness with which his son greeted him after months of no contact was enough to send a fresh wave of tears coursing down his face.

“Is George a bad guy?”

“Yes, he is,” Hotch answered, wanting to scream at him to just run away, get as far away from him as you can when an old memory was suddenly brought forth from his subconscious. “Jack, I need you on this case with me. Do you understand?” he tried to keep his voice steady, hoping with his whole being that his son would remember. “I need you to work the case with me.”

“Ok, Daddy.”

“Jack, hug your mom for me,” he requested, voice cracking and desperately trying to contain the sobs that were steadily building. He could only imagine the warmth his son was feeling from his mother now, potentially the last memory he would ever have of her. Hearing his son’s too-inquisitive question about his mother’s mood left him viciously biting down on his bottom lip, trying to maintain some modicum of control over himself.

“Is he gone?” Hotch finally asked, nausea joining the storm of emotions within him at the nickname Foyet had given his son.

“Yes,” Haley confirmed, letting her fear shine through now that Jack wasn’t there to see it. 

Each shaking breath was a stab straight to his core.“You’re so strong, Haley, you’re stronger than I ever was.”

Her response nearly sent him shattering into the pieces she had so carefully helped him put back together back in high school after his stepfather died.

“You’ll hurry, right?”

I can’t lie, I’m so sorry, Haley. I can’t lie to you. Not after everything I’ve already done, “I know you didn’t sign on for this.”

“Neither did you.”

Why does it have to be now that we finally talk about what caused the divorce?

“I’m sorry for everything.”

There was a short pause as Haley inhaled sharply, before leveling out into shaky breaths. “Promise me that you will tell him how we met and how you used to make me laugh.”

No, please— “Haley,” Hotch trailed off, unable to continue and almost paralyzed at the knowledge that these might be her last words because he’s too far away, I’m not going to—

“He needs to know that you weren't always so serious, Aaron. He needs to believe in love, because it is the most important thing, but you need to show him. Promise me,” she ordered him forcefully.

“I promise.”

The sound of three gunshots tore straight into his soul. 

And then he was finding Haley’s body, trying not to let the seams break when renewed rage roared to life within him at the extinguishing of the light that had been inside her and lit up every room she walked in. Minutes later, he was straddling the demon that had haunted him for over a decade, the demon that he finally caught up to but at a terrible cost and then he was punching—

I’m going to kill that bastard son of yours and I’m going to tell him it was all your fault— 

and punching—

You practically killed them yourself—

and punching—

You should have made the deal—

someone yelled his name—

Promise me.

“—dead. He’s dead,” someone was shouting as Hotch tried to lunge forward away from the person pulling him back and towards the man who killed my wife HE KILLED HALEY—

But all the fight that had been inside him suddenly disappeared, and he was left staggering backward, mouth open in a silent, rage-filled scream as someone—it’s Derek—kept a careful grip on his body, holding his shattered pieces together just long enough for him to gather his tattered seams close to his chest and fling himself away towards the stairs. 

Hotch collapsed to his knees in front of the chest, seeing no indication of any taunting messages and daring to hope that his son was—

And the sight of his son, unharmed and blinking at the sudden change in brightness, nearly sent him into a mess of relieved tears that were also tears of unadulterated grief because I got his mother killed—

He held himself together and lifted his son out of the chest, seeing all the features he got from Haley—her his hair, her his eyes, her his inquisitiveness—and struggling to maintain his weakening control as he told Jack to go to Ms. Jareau, who was waiting with open arms in the doorway to the room that had once been his office. 

Hearing their footsteps fade away and shaking with suppressed sobs, he slowly stood up, injuries that he sustained in the fight finally making themselves known as he made his way across the hall to the room he knew Haley was lying in—

He saw Morgan taking her pulse and for a moment he couldn’t help but hope that she was still—

But Morgan was pulling back and he was gently placing Haley’s right arm back on the ground and he wasn’t yelling for medics and—

“I’m so sorry, Aaron,” Morgan said softly as Hotch knelt down, his trembling becoming more palpable by the moment. 

If he looked past the unseeing eyes and the blood that pooled everywhere and her lying on the floor and—

He could almost convince himself that she was sleeping. For a moment, he was almost afraid to touch her, afraid to disturb her in her sleep, but in the next moment—

He was pulling her cooling body close to his chest and burying his face into the crook of her neck, gut wrenching sobs escaping his lips as a wave of grief shattered the flimsy show of control he had put up for Jack’s sake, his son who just lost his mother because his father was addicted to the chase and I broke my promise, Haley, I’m so sorry—

She’s gone. 

The solemn silence weighed heavily on the team as they waited for Hotch to finish testifying before Strauss and the brass. They had all expressed their outrage when they got the orders to come in for their statements, only two days after their leader nearly lost everything, but there was nothing they could do.

It had been painful to watch the man who had been a protector for so long, since childhood through his teenage years and into adulthood, try to maintain the post, disregarding his own health in favor of being the earliest in the office and last to leave, spending every free moment trying to get rid of the threat to his family. It was worse having to listen over the phone as his control started to slip while he tried so desperately to save his family from a madman. 

With the sight of him savagely beating Foyet’s dead body into the ground, all vestiges of the infamous controlled facade gone, they all hoped for Hotch’s sake that Jack had found safety and were beyond relieved to see him in JJ’s arms. Reality caught up to them, however, when they watched as Morgan had to physically wrestle Hotch away from Haley’s body so she could be transported to the ME’s office.

When they got the full autopsy, they could only be glad that Hotch wasn’t there to find out all that Foyet did to his first love.

And within a year, Hotch’s family had been ruthlessly snatched from his desperate, flailing grip and torn into broken pieces before being shoved back at him, misshapen with pieces missing. 

The faint sound of a door swinging closed had them all straightening up in their seats, turning to look into the bullpen where Hotch was walking up the stairs in front of his office, only to freeze right in front of the door with his hand just in front of the door knob. 

They watched worriedly as he let his outstretched hand fall back to his side and slowly backed up from the door, almost as if he were in a trance and startled when Morgan suddenly jumped up and ran out of the room and through the bullpen towards the man.

Their confusion cleared up when they realized that Hotch wasn’t stopping as he backed up, somehow unaware that the stairs were right behind him and stumbled, only barely catching himself on the railing. For Jack’s sake, they forced themselves to stay seated but watched out of the corner of their eyes as he tried to stand back up, only for his knees to buckle underneath him. 

Before he could hit the ground, Morgan quickly grabbed onto his arms, almost collapsing himself under his dead weight but managing to lower them both onto the ground, holding onto him in a way eerily reminiscent of what he had done when he pulled Hotch off of the barely-recognizable body of George Foyet. 

Hotch was still staring at his office door as if he had seen a ghost, and it was with heartbreak that Morgan realized what it represented to him—it was the source of so much passion and temptation that had gotten the love of his life killed. Looking back at the conference room and seeing the eyes focused on the two men, Morgan carefully pulled Hotch up from the ground and slowly guided him out of the bullpen, knowing that the team had Jack taken care of.

They walked through the winding hallways and into the bathroom that he followed Hotch into the night it all started to go horribly wrong. This time, it was different and yet the exact same, and after Morgan locked the door behind them, he pulled Hotch towards him, mindful of his bruised ribs. 

Surrounded by the four walls that heard so many of their small talks and witnessed their vulnerabilities, it wasn’t long before Hotch’s eyes began to burn as he finally melted into Morgan’s protective hold when the dam finally broke, letting out a wave of pain and anguish that was only made the slightest bit more bearable by the warmth of Morgan’s his friend’s care.

But even that couldn’t make that one sentence disappear.

You practically killed them yourself.

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house ����👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[uwu-shinsou]

Can you write 14, Hitoshi Shinso, drabble, please? Thank you! uwu

Title: Our Choice

Prompt: Almost Kiss

Warning(s): Language, alcohol consumption

Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi X Reader

Genre: Fluff, Seven Minutes in Heaven

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Welcome to request #1! I sorta love the seven minutes in heaven trope vibe and this just worked too well not to use it lmao. Hope you all enjoy!

500 Event Masterlist  || 500 Event Post

✿ .✿ .✿ .✿ .✿

You settled yourself into the circle, the sides of your legs brushing against your neighboring companions due to the tight squeeze. You smiled softly as you looked around the room, basking in the sight of your friends all together for likely the last time.

The common room held all of 3A and 3B, the room filled with chatter and giggles, the euphoria of graduating tomorrow and becoming pro heroes filling everyone with a special kind of joy. Although the alcohol probably played its part in the noise as well. 

Then Kaminari was lurching up to his feet, bottle in hand as he marched to the center of the circle. Off to the side Sero, Kirishima, and Tetsutetsu all bellowed out “SPEEEECH!!” The blonde put his hands up in a gesture for silence, the din of the room lowering to a quiet murmur. 

“Thank you all for coming. Tonight, we are fellow classmates. Tomorrow? We are fellow PRO HEROES!” A cheer went up as Kaminari raised his bottle and took a drink, those with drinks in hands following suit. “Now I know we’re all having fun sitting here in a circle, but consider this: celebrating our last night as U.A. students with a fun little game of seven minutes in heaven.” Shouts of excitement, groans of protest, and hoots of laughter rose up at the suggestion. Regardless of those less eager, people started passing around slips of paper for everyone to write their names on.

You sighed in playful defeat as Kendo handed you a piece from your left and you passed the pile to Hagakure on your right. Just as you finished writing your name you felt both of the girls lean in towards you.

“Soooo y/n, who are you hoping to get?” Hagakure asked in a teasing tone as Kendo nudged you in the side.

You hummed in thought, looking around the circle. Kaminari came by with a bowl to accept everyone’s folded pieces of paper, winking at the three of you as you placed yours in.

“Could it be Kaminari?” Kendo asked with a playful gasp, making you snort. “C’mon, you have to tell us. You’re the only one of us girls who hasn’t tried to date one of these idiots.”

“There’s a reason for that,” you mutter. Taking a long sip of your drink, your eyes traveled around the room as you tried to delay answering. Figures the one guy here I like doesn’t seem interested in dating.

“I guess there is someone,” You said vaguely, watching as the game began and the first pair headed off towards the coat closet. 

“Spill the tea!” Hagakure whined, clinging onto your arm.

“You first,” You counter, raising your brows.

“Okay so, like obviously Todoroki is the ultimate hottie here, Bakugo is attractive but I don’t think he’ll actually kiss who he has to go in with, Kaminari seems like he’d be fun to make out with…”

While you listened to your friend ramble on, you watched as Kirishima reached into the bowl for his turn, Kaminari clutching his stomach in laughter as he pulled Sero’s name. 

“Kiss your homies!!” He called after them as they retreated into the closet. Your breath caught when you saw the next person up for picking a name. Your face warmed as you thought of him pulling out your paper, and even more when imagining him not pulling it.

“Oh shit, it is him?” Kendo asked suddenly, following your gaze. Oh hell, I guess it’s the last night anyway.

“Maaaybe,” You answered, hugging your arms around your legs. “Okay, yes it is,” You added when Kendo gave you a look. “He just hasn’t been interested in anyone who’s tried to get with him so,” You shrugged your shoulders in slight defeat.

Hagakure shook your arm. “Y/n you dummy!! You’re like the one closest to him!! I bet you a shot of tequila that he’s into you too.”

You waved her comment off. “There’s no way.”

Just then, Kirishima and Sero were released from the closet, both laughing at whatever had happened inside as they returned to the circle. Kaminari shoved the bowl at the next participant, who was none other than Shinsou Hitoshi. You watched with bated breath as he pulled a paper out of the bowl, unfolding and reading the name to the blonde game master. Kaminari and Shinsou both looked around the circle before their eyes fixed in your direction.

“Bitch no way,” Hagakure whispered.

“Y/n~” Kaminari called your name as he gestured for you to come over. Taking a last drink, you handed your cup to Kendo as you stood and crossed the circle. You locked eyes with Shinsou as you approached him, feeling the buzz of alcohol singing in your veins.

He stood and gestured towards the closet for you to lead the way. “Look like it’s you and me, y/n.”

You don’t know if it was the boldness of your heart or the song of the vodka, but as you passed him you gripped the hand that he held out in yours, tugging him along into the small space. Kaminari closed the door behind you with a snickered “Have fun!”

In the dim light of the closet you turned to face the purple haired boy, hastily releasing his hand in embarrassment. Desperately, you reached for any topic you could think of.

“Kinda crazy that we’re graduating tomorrow, right?’ You say, cringing internally. Stupid! Everyone’s been talking about graduation for weeks! C’mon, you never have a hard time talking to him like a normal person.

“Mhm, it is crazy. Feels like yesterday that I joined your class,” He says, and you think you can see a small smile on his lips.

“And I’m glad that you did join our class, Hitoshi,” you reply, fiddling your hands. The two of you stood in silence for a moment, looking at each other before you looked away.

He moved his foot forward to nudge yours, startling you slightly. “Y/n, are you okay?”

“Hm? Okay? Of course I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be okay?” You ramble. Realizing that you sounded quite the opposite, you sighed and dropped your hands, aiming for a more nonchalance approach. You’re being irrational, nothing is going to happen. “Why do you ask?”

Shinsou bumped his foot against yours again. He looked at you, concern in his eyes. “Well I know that this game comes with certain expectations, and we don’t have to do anything we don’t want to. We can just talk or whatever.” You could feel your heart fall at his statement. So he doesn’t want to do anything with me.

You tried to give him a reassuring smile. “Yeah, talking is cool I guess.”

“Yeah, cool,” He said, head nodding.

“Why haven’t you dated anyone?” You ask suddenly. Ah yes, very smooth. 

He raised an eyebrow, giving you an incredulous look. “I could ask you the same question.”

“You could, but I asked first.”

“Very mature.”

“We’re still high schoolers, I can be as immature as I want.”

He relented with that. “I suppose that’s a fair point.” His hand came up to rub at the back of his neck. “I guess I just haven’t wanted to go out with any of the girls who’ve asked me. Your turn.”

You leaned your head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. “And I guess I just haven’t wanted to go out with any of the guys who’ve asked me out.” 

“What about the guys who haven’t asked you out? Would you go out with one of them?” He asked, gaze intense.

You laughed nervously. “Well that’s quite a few people. But uh, maybe, I guess. Depends.” You look for anything else to talk about. “So uh, what else do people do during seven minutes in heaven?”

He snorted. “I don’t know. Hug? Kiss? Make out? Try to do a quickie in the closet?” 

You let out a squeak at the last one. “Histoshi!”

“What? It’s true. I’m just glad we’re going earlier so we don’t have to deal with the mess of those people.”

You grimaced at the thought. “Well, I guess we could… Hug, then?” You say hesitantly. Shinsou stares at you through the darkness for a moment before he finds himself nodding along with the idea, silently opening his arms and pulling you in.

His arms settle around your shoulders, one hand in between your shoulder blades, the other just below it. Your arms find their way around his torso, hands resting in the middle of his back, head snug against his chest. You can feel his chin rest against the top of your head, and you sigh in the comforting warmth of his arms.

You don’t really know why you say it, but it’s almost like the joy of being held by him draws the words out of you. “I’m going to miss you, Hitoshi.” You say, voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

He snorts, arms tightening around you. “Hey, tomorrow is just graduation. Why are you talking like we’re never going to see each other again?”

“No I know, it’s just… We’ll never get to be like we are now, again. You know?” Your heart aches at the thought. Becoming a Pro Hero should be exciting, but instead all you can feel is the desire to stay right here and never leave.

He pulls away from you enough to meet your eyes. “That’s not true,” He says with conviction. “We don’t have to let leaving U.A. change us in any way that we don’t want it to.” 

His words fill you with just enough certainty and courage, and before he can blink you’ve raised up on your toes and placed the tiniest peck on his cheek. You sink back onto the flats of your feet, biting your bottom lip. “You’re right, we get to choose,” You say quietly. One of his hands travels from your back to rest against the side of your face, his hand caressing your soft skin. A smile spreads across his lips.

“I’m glad that we feel the same way, Y/n.” With that he kisses your forehead, and continues pressing little kisses down the side of your face to your cheek. He presses another kiss to your nose, making you giggle.

“I like the idea of us,” You whisper, pressing a hand over his heart. Just as you start to lean up, anticipating pressing your lips against his, the sound of footsteps outside the door gives you barely any warning as Kaminari flings the door open, followed by Ochaco, Mina, and Deku.

“TIME’S U-” Kaminari cuts himself off as he sees you two quickly step apart. Both of your faces are slightly flushed, and while Shinsou keeps his face passive you can’t help the annoyance pulling at your features. “Whoops, looks like we interrupted something.” He giggles, nudging Mina.

Shinsou laces his fingers through yours and pulls you out of the tiny room, walking around the circle and towards the front door. 

“Hey! Where are you going?” Ochaco calls after you.

“We have unfinished business,” Shinsou says, and you feel your heart flutter in happiness as he leads outside into the moonlight.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

[fruitylibrarian]

quest of the spear live rewatch!

i already spewed my pre call to adventure flynn thoughts all over a text post but I would like to repeat: pre-canon flynn my beloved <3

yes he is a bit of a bastard but he just loves his books and he’s so genuinely just like. passionate and like…. Big? does that make sense? like i mean inside. not literally. bright

flynn’s mom is so fucking funny

and she’s Trying Her Best

you know one thing I don’t understand, I assume that flynn could afford to keep going to college because of like grants and scholarships since he’s all smart and like, even if his mom is well off, no one below the morally bankrupt millionaire line can pay for 22 degrees and not die of no-money-itis otherwise known as Starving

but like. why not become a professor or some other academia position?

you’d be incredibly overqualified and you’re a white dude, so while academia isn’t exactly bursting with new spaces to fill I’m sure you could find something???? and like. a professor in particular, while baby flynn might not be great at the connection part, seems like a natural progression to at least try for considering it keeps you in that comfort zone and familiar space just in a different albeit familiar role, and allows you to go on long lectures people can’t interrupt. and like, professors literally like, part of their job is research and to continue learning, so like. it seems like the natural choice for him to go for?

don’t get me wrong, baby flynn in particular might not be extremely well suited considering his lack of people skills, but plenty of professors are brilliant slightly odd smarties who give long, super engaging theatrical lectures (sounds like him!) but suck at one on one meetings and talking to people or may be accidentally insulting, but like, their class is genuinely interesting and they grade decently so like, I think he could get past that hurdle is what I’m saying

obviously he’d have to work at it and get the skills necessary but you know what that means? MORE SCHOOL, BABY! just in a different direction! like just? it seems like the obvious choice for his situation

ah yes!!! magic letter!!! it’s kind of funny they do this, it’s a great hook and way to make applicants go Uh Excuse Me and want to know more but also like, there’s no proof magic happened either?

although you’d think some people would get obsessive like let me tell you if i encountered real ass magic like that i wouldn’t stop until i had an answer

ah the Incredibly Long Interview Line. it’s kinda how funny how like. Not Special he is but at the same time he is?

“never been treated so badly in my entire life!” what did you say to him charlene

i’m sure he deserved it i just want to know

wait oh no i just realized

all these people are dead

every single one of them got murdered in the first episode of the series

jesus that’s dark

not gonna be able to stop thinking about that one huh

also love how it’s pretty evenly men and women

although it’s still mostly white

fuck that lady just left crying I know they’re doing this to turn up the drama but DAMN, charlene

god he almost gave up. remember the timeline episode where he never became the librarian? weird.

Gkjlfkgjhfglh Where Do You Think You’re Going? (weak gesture like “me?”) Yes You. Get In Here amazing how can she even see him she’s around the CORNER. camera? magical surveillance? why? just to freak people out? amazing.

i do so love charlene, it’s a shame she wasn’t in the show more

also she literally never explains shit. What Makes You Think You Can Be The Librarian he doesn’t even know what that means, charlene

He Doesn’t Even Have A Library Science Degree

oh wow he does actually have librarian qualifications lmao

why did i not remember that

DLKFGJDFG I did remember him sherlocking her tho

wait her MARRIAGE? to WHO?

i thought her and judson were a thing despite jenkins being into her or something?

huh

also why does this qualify him to be The Librarian™ like oh he can sherlock? ok?

maybe it’s just bc he had the balls to do it

well, the sherlock thing is also not completely unhelpful it just doesn’t seem central to his skills, or at least, not the way he uses it (do we see him use it like this again? he usually applies more obscure knowledge then ye classic deduction sherlockian skills if I remember correctly which I may not because my brain is smooth)

judson is such a fucking drama queen

LKDJFGLKDJFGLDKFJG I FUCKING FORGOT HE LITERALLY JUST FUCKING REPEATED HIS MOM’S LITTLE PHRASE AMAZING

also why did he seem to think her sending everyone home meant he didn’t get it why would she stop all interviews because you fucked up

he just fucking walked out of a wall judson you are so dramatic

also warehouse 13 vibes huh. welcome to a world of endless wonder

I could do a whole fucking thesis on warehouse 13 and the librarians or—well that’s a whole other tangent

anYWYA

this interview was remarkably easy tho, it’s not like he wasn’t impressive but it wasn’t mindblowing either????? this coming from a big fan of flynn

the big shiny wonderous eyes as the library lights up……flynn my beloved

also his floofy hair ldkfgjdlkfgj

he’s like this is too good am I being prank’d

why the mona lisa?????iIs the mona lisa magic??? It only became famous because it got stolen why would it be magic??? Is this one of those we make it magic by believing it or some shit things???

Flynn Do Not Open The Random Box In The Library Of Incredibly Dangerous Artifacts

oh hello excalibur !!

oh rip flynn immediately being like “oh im not worthy, trust me” with 100 percent certainty im hurt oof

KSJFLGKDJGLKDJG THE APPLE “the apple from the garden of eden…….” *judson takes a bite* “actually I just left this here”

excalibur hello properly!!!!

judson is such a fucking DRAMA QUEEN he’s so casual!! and cal you too you slippery bitch!  

ah the jetpack.

DLFKGJDLKFGJ “it usually takes a new librarian four hours to find the jetpack. you did it in three! congratulations” love the implication that every librarian (at least since it was added to the library) has done this no matter how serious like the bad guy of this movie… *checks notes* edware wilde? jetpack. darrington dare, probably? jetpack. i like to think jenkins did it too (not technically a librarian, but you know)

flynn thinking of himself as embarrassing… ☹

HIS MOM IS SO PROUD OF HIM

part sweet, part funny, part rip

I don’t know what she was expecting when he said librarian tho like. originally he literally looked at shit for FRY COOk degrees don’t always mean shit you know

and librarian is up there with professor in Perfect Jobs For Flynn like what did you expect??? Like even if he’d become an archaeologist (a “cool” job) it’s not like that pays super well either as far as I know??

he was never going to be Traditionally Successful

he’s still the same person he still has the same strengths and passions of course he would go into academia and do something like librarian like????? her reaction saddens me.

just be happy for him!! look at him!!!

ok first of all even normal non magic librarians don’t just put books on shelves and that’s a condescending reduction of the job, and second of all, he is so happy!! he has a job, he’s taking responsibility, he’s meeting people, isn’t that enough??? isn’t that literally what you wanted??? even if it WERE what you think it is why couldn’t it just be a good first step??? like??? fuck??? you did been know that he was doing all those fancy degrees because he loved them not because they’d get him some super fancy job??? I mean egyptology is not the most profitable field you know this isn’t med school or whatever

god.

flynn’s mom, visibly not proud and very upset: of course im proud of you!

ok im being a little unfair, she’s trying and clearly she’s been supportive of him, if not straight up enabling of him, but like this is clearly being presented as like. normal person who is normal forced to take care of freakish strange son who is so nerdy and strange and a loser and she is so tired of his shenanigans and all that WORK she put in and he’s NOT FANCY AND CHANGING TO CONFORM TO HER IDEALS OF A GOOD SUCCESSFUL SON/MAN?

and that’s just all very. sigh.

the snake brotherhood are such obnoxiously cheesy villainous villains they’re even called the snake brotherhood

also I think we’re supposed to recognize him as the previous librarian from the painting but if I didn’t already know that I for sure would not know that

smartass flynn is a smartass

I never got people bringing someone coffee to impress them unless they knew their order like there’s no way you know who she likes her coffee so you could so easily get it wrong—like even if you don’t know exactly how much sugar she wants, you could also just get it entirely wrong like assume she likes black coffee but she likes it super sweet, or vice versa, or whatever. it can go wrong so easily!

or she could go “I Hate A Kiss Ass”

she did take it anyway tho so.

ah i did forget (or just not actively think about) how much like… christian mythology there is in this show :/ I mean we did been knew (excalibur and arthurian legend are pretty important to the mythology)

not that christian mythology is inherently bad it just gets a) annoying, b) boring, and c) y’know, very western centric and all

but then trying to reconcile di—you know what that’s a tangent for another time

then again I do assume no one is going to read this

the library really does just throw new librarians into death and go “hope this is fine!” huh

did they just imply god is canon in the “the librarian” universe

you were so cryptic with the no one thing!! just say NOONE

he’s scribbling in his notebook and mumbling out loud what a mood and I love him. what a nerd

ldfkgjdlkjg god sexy jazz music and a breeze this is so dumb

I do hate the forced love interests in all these movies it’s always like Some Hot Girl Is There And They Get It On!

like he really had chemistry with eve and banter but here it kinda feels like that wish fulfilment and then the nerd gets the hot chick the end and im saying that as the nerd

it doesn’t help that each movie has a different one who immediately is dropped as if she never existed afterwards

maybe it’s not as bad as I remember but. sigh

my instant impression of her is to not like her sorry nicole :/

she’s just so rude? she’s like. hot (derogatory)

i get there’s gender politics here with like. she’s used to being treated like a piece of meat and generally like, why not reap the benefits when you are going to get the creeps too, but like, also she’s just so unnecessarily rude—I mean rejecting his clumsy flirting is one thing but you know—ok I won’t even get into that the point is I just don’t really like her that much even tho I don’t think she’s necessarily a bad person or anything you know

but to be fair I think she got better and I remember her being compelling in her return to the show

and like. I do like how the trend in this franchise is “smart little nerd librarian and badass lady guardian kicks ass” but I do wish that it turned around occasionally. we do get cassandra but like. more lady librarians

wow an air marshal? aren’t they rarely even on flights?

sorry im being nitpicky there for sure lmao. please delete the cinamasins ding my words probably summoned from your brain

I get why shoving him out was necessary but also Wow

Gjklhkjfgh imagine sitting next to some mumbling nerd the whole flight and then you see him fly past the windows

LFKGJDLKJDFG he brilliantly lowers our expectations then jumps without a chute! remarkable!

hilarious or commentary on men getting credit for womens’ competency? why not both

i really thought that she was going to be a lying liar the first time I watched this

ah naïve boy. “uh that’s against the law”

flynn’s greatest strength isn’t just his knowledge but his like. breadth of different topics, just like, passion for learning of any time, and like. the ability to not just know a lot of different things but cross-reference and apply them to each other and use them in tandem to understand a greater whole

and we love that for him!

ah flynn therapizing himself lmao

why would she take him going “this bridge is rotting and physically cant support our weight” as a challenge

or him being cowardly like THE STRUCTURAL SUPPORTS ARE ROTTING

YEAH WHAT DID YOU EXPECT OF COURSE HE FUCKING FELL

ok i lied i like nicole i just don’t love their dynamic

i get what they’re going for i just. not my thing

like with eve there was still a clear mutual respect? i guess? idk

maybe it’s just because i’m more sensitive to mean banter? i don’t like mean banter, even when it’s like, def 100 percent well meaning and not mean spirited and no one is actually offended or hurt

although despite not liking their Thing I do a) think it’s very cute how he looks at her, b) their vibe as they start to get to know each other is Better, c) the end of the movie scene where she rides in for maximum drama? now that was good shit.

oh he’s sherlocking her in a shy attempt to impress her but it’s only going to piss her off, right?

oh she’s just sherlocking him back

KSGFJLDKFGJ LMAO “nerd” and that’s it. fair

Cutting Off His Head damn that’s hardcore

hmmmm cringe,

and more cringe

and cringe.

her waking up to him gone right after telling that story about waking up to her librarian gone and then killed—oof

love the serpent brotherhood lady being like wow!! he’s SO COMPETENT!! (cuts to him screaming)

do these ancient traps just have infinite arrows?

also I do love the whole waltzing across trope what can I say im a sucker

DFLKGLDKFGJLDKJG fucking CHUCKS SOMETHING AT IT and immediately where he would be standing is crushed by a huge rock amazing

he literally just chucked a rock at it and it fell over

ah the classic “let the hero get it for us” move

oh there he is! rip

why does he look like macpherson

not really but kind of

also contrast between the lady always being like “omg the librarian is so smart” and him assuming nicole is the one who did the smart thing

“your tears were perfect” how much more of an asshole can you get

They really could have played him as more sympathetic—“oh, we’re always around these powerful artifacts but we never use them for good! I had to do it, I was sick of sitting back and doing nothing” or like “all those years of danger and guarding powerful things and what good did it ever do me? what do I get for my service?” or anything but nah hes just like “mm power good babes. anyway I love sex and being mean”

to be fair flynn he was the librarian too—a real librarian? I mean yeah edward was corrupted and ultimately failed his duties but he had to have been qualified and actually got the job for a reason

flynn I know you think you sound badass but you really don’t

god not shangri-la again. everything the show did with that was. Bad. yikes

why is—god, I should really learn her name [checks notes] lana fangirling so much?

also following the lamia tradition of “serpent brotherhood second in command who is more interesting than the main evil white guy and also a pretty woc” huh

never got like “this is literally impossible” “well do it or I [generic bad guy threat]” like usually that means nothing lmao

LDFKGJLDKFJLDKFGJ ok first of all god is me? bitch?

second of all. me in english? on this fucking ancient very much not english thing? I mean I guess a) it might not be literal, even though he did say “m, e” by letters, b) it is a christian myth so maybe planted later??? but like?????

dude. giving the super powerful artifact to your prisoner? bad idea. if you’re worried about booby traps have a minion do it.

oh yes your gun is so scary in the face of a temple collapsing

why do heroes always think the whatever is safer with them than the temple that’s guarded it for a thousand years

I get it’s been discovered but like. fuck. still

You Are Going To Crash This Helicopter

SLKGJ HORRIBLE HIGH VELOCITY PIE OF DEATH

flynn and judson…..wholesome

oh here comes more forced romance

just let them be friends who grow to mutually respect each other blease

it is very fucking funny that the mom is like ….. oh my god…. oh my god,,, a WOMAN AJUST ANSEWREDM Y SDONGS PHONE?????????OH MY GOFD?????

he is bisexual. but it’s good he’s getting out

ah floofy hair

cahooting,

Yes You Do Need Clothes

that’s a teleporter sir

god eddie wild is such a boring fucking villain and person

and his plan SUCKS

also the serpent brotherhood (why BROTHERhood?) sucks and hates the library why would they just let this guy, a librarian, literally be their new leader

wow he just stabbed a guy on his OWN TEAM for no reason

great going asshole

love how lana is just like…. O-O

we stan lana. she hasn’t done much and she’s technically a bad guy i just love her

“at last we can be one” what does that even mean

why would lana or any of them want to help him he just killed one of their own for no reason hes clearly tripping on power and leaving yall to die

lfkgjdlkfgj flynn dodging so hard while the others is fight and then PUNCHING A GUY

dfglkjdflgkj wait it’s the professor dude why is that so funny

is he WITH THEM??? I think I just missed something

hold on a sec

yeah I think he just appears??? And flynn just fucking broke his nose iconic

wait so was he with them or is he just here going WHY ARE THERE RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY PYRAMID????????????

oh right he built the—ok I got it

Wait what

I mean I did think lana was neat and she seemed impressed with flynn but what shes just like, in love with him now? that makes zero fucking sense why would she want them to Be Together

Is it just so there can be a catfight between the two hot chicks?

seriously tho? morally pure blonde blue eyed girl versus Evil Asian Chick? really?

for the record NOT THAT IT MATTERS but lana is way cuter im just saying

ah badass judson

THE COMEDY OF THE CAPSTONE CRUSHING HIM DLFKGJDLKFGJ

oh………….pulling out excalibur…. predicable but so good

oh the painting….the very Parenty way of revealing it…… wholesome

oh did NOT like that transition

oh here comes the badass fucking entrance with his gf busting in on his mom trying to set him up with girls

HER ENTRANCE IS SO UNNECESSARAILY DRAMATIC I LOVE THEM

I just love the mom’s face ldfkgjldfkgjdlkfgjdlkfjgd shes like WHAT THEGUFVCJK

again I don’t love the vibes of “oh my weird loser son is finally normal!” but to be fair im exaggerating a bit from just facial expressions it’s just. sigh

but ngl the vindication of him being able to be like. yeah that’s right im a badass now and my gf is cool as fuck is still good

him and nicole do have not terrible vibes at the end but if I remember correctly that mission (time travelling ninjas and hg wells’s time machine) is the one that separated them so rip I guess

overall: good movie! as cringe as I remember but I still love flynn so much

[kayabred]

Mafia boss Johnny ! (Requested lmao finally someone requested 😌) fem reader by the way and also ...maybe i might turn this into a wattpad book ?? Warning : fast paced , sarcasm and a very funny inner voice cause I have odd humour

Oh fuck . When you told your friend that being sold to the mafia wouldn’t be too bad after reading a wattpad book , you were very very wrong .

Your breathing was shallow , it was all you could hear in the room that was so silent it was deafening . It seemed to spin , the beige walls that confined you .

Chained ; shackled . You were barely dressed and your hair was a mess . However , Skin red and splotchy , tear stains running down your cheeks and lips trembling as you held back sobs , you weren’t much better than your hair .

To be honest , you don’t quite remember what had happened. A night in the club , a drink from a stranger and then suddenly you couldn’t think straight . You couldn’t move right . Everything seemed weird . You weren’t in control of your body .

A man picked you up , the same one that had offered you the drink . He took you you into a car but that’s all you remember .You don’t quite know where you were now .

The beige room may have trapped you in it but even if you weren’t chained , you wouldn’t be brave enough to step out . You’d seen the guns they’d carried and hell no , you were not going to get shot.

There were some light footsteps and a muffled sigh outside before someone opened the door . Light brown hair and skin just a little darker than that .

“Hey missy—you look horrible—it’s time to clean you up . How’ve you been ?” He hummed , so nice it was sarcastic and grabbed a key from his waist .

You didn’t answer , biting down on your trembling lip to keep from more tears . He sighed after unlocking one of the chains and pulled away to look at you .

“Crying ? Jesus , you look like a corpse whose partner ran away at the wedding . Stop crying , sheesh,” he clicked his tongue in annoyance before unlocking the other chain . But you were handcuffed still .

The man smiled , as though used to meetings like that and extended his hands. You grabbed them , honestly not knowing what else to do .

“Haechan . Name’s Haechan,” he nodded to you before dragging you up and out by the chain connecting your cuffs . You followed , feet shuffling and stumbling over each other at his surprising pace .

The corridors weren’t very different from what you’d imagined . A dirtier version of the same beige the inside of the room had been , blood stains and splatter every now and then .

Men stood along the halls , armed and waved merrily at Haechan who waved back , grinning and making small talk with a few . You kept your head down , silently praying that it was all some kind of sick lucid dream of some sort .

Haechan punched the elevator buttons , calling for it and waited . Sticking a lollipop in his mouth , he turned to you .

“Want one ?” You shook your head frantically , in panic because of the sudden offer . Haechan shrugged as the elevator dinged . You entered , though your legs only started moving after Haechan clapped a hand against your back , hard .

“Okay , love-” he turned to you , hands in his pockets and eyes scanning every inch of you judgingly-“you were sold to the big boss . His name’s Johnny . You’re going to clean up first,”

He scratched his nose , seeming to think over everything he knew and filter out what he had to tell you . Realising he didn’t really have much more to say , he smiled at you again and then looked away .

“Sold ?” You breathed out , one of the few things you had said . It was more of a croak than a word , really . Haechan hummed , not hearing and cupped a finger to his ear , leaning your way.

“I-I was sold ?” You repeated , voice still hoarse . Haechan hummed again in assent , adjusting the way he stood and shrugged his leather jacket back into place .

“Yeah , hun, just said that . Anyway , off to cleaning and then to big boss and then...” Haechan shrugged again , not to keep his jacket on his shoulders this time—though it might have helped with the slipping , the leather wasn’t his size.

To the big boss...Holy shit I’m screwed . You bit back a whimper , focusing on your breathing to avoid a panic attack . This is not the goddamn time , you hissed at yourself , shaking your head lightly to ignore any thought that would bring about anxiety .

“You good ?” Haechan eyed you . Your head shot up , turning to him with panicked eyes and a heart pounding a little too quickly to be calm . You nodded , gulping down fear and turned to face the elevator doors just as they opened .

He grabbed one of your cuffed wrists , humming and adopted the quick pace he had just a while ago . You fought to keep up with him , stopping before a door just when you thought you’d gotten the hang of it .

“Mmkay , babe , this is it ,” he sighed and knocked on the door . There was some clanging and a few shouts before two men opened the door . One closely resembled a rabbit and the other was skinny with a cold face .

“Have fun with Tom and Jerry,” Haechan waved , shoving you towards them and then waving goodbye . He whistled as he went . Don’t go ! But Haechan was merciless when he left you . Dreading to face more people but knowing you had to , you faced the two new men . They prepared scissors , brushes and soap systematically, not turning to you just yet.

“Okay , hurry and strip so we can see what we have to work with,” The skinny one spoke , turning to you with a clenched jaw . Your hands flew to your chest protectively .

“Doesn’t look like much,” the rabbit faced man mumbled before waving the thought away,“Kim Dongyoung here , you can call me Doyoung. This is Taeyong.”

Taeyong waved , smiling softly before he gestured for you to remove your clothes .

“Come on , we don’t bite ,” he sighed , laughing Doyoung’s way at some inside joke and clapping for you to speed up . Truly not knowing what to do , you did as you were told .

And that was the beginning of three hours . Bickering , gossip and jokes spilled out of them as they worked to make you look as...presentable as they could .

“Done.” Taeyong pulled away with an eyelash curler . Your eyelids fluttered open . Wow. On a normal day , truly you would feel a surge of confidence in you but all you could think of was being sold .

Looking good wasn’t something you wanted right now . You just wanted hoodies and sweatpants and home .

“Ooh , hey you look good,” Doyoung nudged you with his elbow encouragingly . You managed a nervous chuckle . A pig for slaughter sounded more right in your opinion .

“Johnny’ll like her for sure,” the utmost certainty in Taeyong’s voice made your skin crawl . Johnny . So that was his name . You felt the temperature drop 100 degrees .

“Is-is there any way I can get him to not like me ?” You turned your head , smiling painfully with fearful eyes . Taeyong snorted , arms still crossed and pressed to his chest ,“do you want to die?”

You shook your head softly , biting your lip in fear and looking down in disappointment.

“Hey , it’s okay . I’ve known Johnny for a long time , he’s a good guy,” Taeyong ensured , nodding as he smiled . His hand came away from his chest , patting your back and rubbing soothing circles so you felt a little better . However , for someone so skinny , he was pretty strong and you ended up coughing with the force of it .

Standing up on wobbly legs , you held onto the back of the chair for support . Doyoung soothed his shirt—which was significantly crumpled by the end of the three hours—and held a hand to escort you . You couldn’t help but think that , for the mafia , they had manners .

Then you remembered how you’d just been kidnapped and the voice shut itself up in the back of your head .

“Hey princess , looking better now,” the door opened to Haechan . Doyoung sighed at the sight of the boy , giving her a small push towards him .

“Take her and try not to get her killed on accident , she’s actually nice,” Haechan’s eyebrows jumped at his comment . He stuck the same yellow lollipop he had in the elevator back into his mouth using his knuckles .

“Bye , chief,” he saluted to Doyoung and then whistled for you , nodding down the hall and gesturing to follow after him . Though your head screamed to just run the other way and try your luck ,your feet followed after Haechan .

The only sound in the halls were that of his heeled boots clicking against the ground—a sound which echoed off the walls and made it near deafening—and his humming of some pop song he must have had stuck in his head considering he only hummed the same few lines . Over and over and over again .

You both stopped finally before the tallest door you’d seen , a mere centimetre away from the wall.

“Tall door,” you murmured to yourself . Haechan sighed , deftly inserting a pretty gold key into the lock ,“tall guy.”

He turned to you , turning the lock so it clicked . Haechan smiled , eyes pressed shut so the gesture felt almost sarcastic before opening the door . His face fell into a cold expression.

“In you go.”

You gulped , seeing yourself into what looked more like a CEO’s office then a mafia boss’ . Haechan slammed the door shut behind you , the force of it shaking the door and making you jump .

Someone sat in a chair overlooking the city . He turned , smiling at you .

“Sit ?” It wasn’t a command but you took it as one . Mafia boss ? Hell yeah I’m gonna listen , I’m not dying today . He poured some beer into a glass , sliding it across .

“You drink ?” He hummed , pouring one for himself . You reached for it , mumbling a ,“Yeah if not I wouldn’t even be here.”

But he’d heard it , laughing just as the beer reached his lips . He wiped what had trickled away with his sleeve , pulling the glass away and smiling brightly at you . You blinked , face blank with shock .

Okay this mafia boss kinda cute though-Nope ! We will not turn into a wattpad y/n !

While you were in your thoughts , the man had been studying you with a small smile and sparkling eyes ,“I’m Johnny.”

You cleared your throat , opening your mouth and speaking in a small voice , “I’m —-.”

Johnny nodded , still smiling gently and sipped on his beer before turning back to you .

“Have they told you ? About how I bought you ?” He smirked flirtatiously. Bitch , get out or else you’re going to end up in some wattpad fic-

“Yes-”you cleared your throat , smiling a little too forced looking-“Yes they did but-I uh , I have a question .”

He chuckled , eyeing you before nodding and reaching for a cigarette. Dumb bitch your brain is going to be blown

“Well...you say sold but from what I remember ...I was-” how the fuck do I put this nicely-“taken ?”

Johnny raised an eyebrow , half amused and half confused .Dumbass you gon die for real .

“Well , yes , because I bought you,” he hummed . You bit your tongue . Nice , how about now we ask if we can have a share of the profits? You pursed your lips at your inner voice , nodding simply at Johnny’s words .

Sold . You’d been sold without even being up for sale .

[purplesurveys]

631

General Randomness What's the weather like right now? It’s very bright and sunny out, but January is typically one of the colder days of the year so I’m not feeling uncomfortable right now. It’s the perfectly chilly temperature I would have liked to have all year long. What are you currently sitting on? I am sitting on a chair at our dining table, which is usually where I take surveys. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Just once.

When did you get up? I’ve been up since 8, but didn’t get out of bed until 10.

Have you been in a vehicle for more than 45 minutes today? I haven’t been in a car at all today cos I’ve only stayed home. Angela invited me to go out for some drinks but I didn’t feel like drinking or being out today, so I’ve been home the whole time.

Where is your best friend? I think Angela is at home but I’m sure she’s getting ready to go out for the aforementioned ^ drinking. I’m not sure where Gab is. How many days until Christmas? Oh wow, barely missed it, chief. There are 355ish days left, I’m guessing? Have you kissed someone today? Nope. Is your mom over 50? No, and she still has a year to go. How old were you 7 years ago? I was technically 14, but was about to turn 15 in a few months. Do you know what 'C'est la vie' means? Yep. In Gen Z lingo, it essentially means, ‘it be like that sometimes’ lmao. Do you usually take showers or baths? Showers, because we don’t have bathtubs and also because I find it much more efficient anyway. I only take baths when I’m out of town, in a fancy hotel, and want to pamper myself with bubbles and fancy body wash. What kind of bottoms are you wearing right now? I’m wearing shorts just meant for the home.

Are you wearing anything red? Yes, the pair of shorts I just talked about. What was the name of your first pet? I didn’t keep track of my first goldfish’s name but a good guess would be Goldie. I wasn’t a very creative kid, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out to be right. Do you live in an apartment? Nope. I’ve been living with my parents under their roof. What color is the floor in the room you're in? Cream-ish. What was the most irritating thing to happen to you today? My thesis professor being a headache to talk to. I am genuinely baffled at how she was able to secure a very high position in my university’s administration, considering how erratic she can get. How do you feel about your most recent ex? She’s great. Do you wish at 11:11? No. Do you wish on shooting stars? I would, if they often visited on this side of the world. But they don’t, so. Do you wish on dandelions? No. There aren’t a lot where I live. Are you drinking anything right now? Mmm no, not at the moment. I finished my coffee a little while ago and while I want to make a second cup to keep myself awake, I have an early morning tomorrow so I’d want to sleep early tonight. It’s back to work for me, ugh. About how tall is your father? Not too tall. He’s like, 5′5 or 5′6.  How old is your oldest living grandparent? I only know the age of one grandparent, and that’s my 73 year old maternal grandmother. I don’t get to see my paternal grandparents a lot cos they live quite far, so with that comes my insufficient knowledge about them.  Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? Gab’s great-grandmother, but she passed away last November. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Nope. There’s been a mere three days into the year, so very few people would already have had their birthdays hahaha. Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? No. You do you, but I was never a fan. It’s also a pet peeve when people use their star sign as excuses for their shitty behavior. “Sorry I acted up, I’m a Scorpio,” “I hate everybody because I’m an Aquarius,” “I ghosted them because I’m a Cancer” no it’s because you’re a bitch, Karen. Do you like the color yellow? I hate it a bit less than green (my least favorite color) only because I love the song Yellow by Coldplay and because mustard yellow isn’t that bad of a color. Are you an aunt or uncle? If my friends start having kids soon, then I’ll be an aunt. Why is your best friend your best friend? They both understand my weirdness and all my quirks and never made me feel like I was being judged. What is your hair like at the moment? Tbh it matches my top pretty well so as frizzy as my hair is at the moment, it still looks good with the tank top I have on lolol. How many times have you donated blood this year? Zero. I’m scared of needles, and even if I get over that phobia I wouldn’t be able to donate anyway because I’m underweight. Are you wearing any jewelry? No, not right now. Are you a video-gamer? I wouldn’t call myself that. I play GTA just to be a law-abiding citizen and not actually do the missions lol, I get tired of playing The Sims after ten minutes, and I only play a handful of Nintendo games. Who got married at the last wedding you went to? My mom’s brother and his then-fiancee, now one of my favorite aunts except for the facts that she’s a hardcore Duterte supporter and Marcos apologist. Do you like Chinese food? Yep, it’s one of my favorite cuisines. How far is the nearest Walmart? I can’t walk nor drive to it, that’s for sure. Have you ever been a designated driver? I’m always DD by default because I’m the only one among my friends who has a car other than JM, who also has a (much bigger) car but is terribly low-tolerance and will absolutely pass out. I get tipsy easily as well, but I sober up real quick and always make sure I’m 100% back to reality by the time I drive. Which means that I typically have to stop drinking earlier than the rest of my friends, but so long as that means I get to take everyone back home safe, it’s okay with me. What is something that always brings tears to your eyes? My mom yelling at me. Who is your 20th phone contact? My contacts aren’t numbered thus I’m too lazy to count manually. Do you have any plans to get a tattoo? It’s not completely off the table, but I’ve definitely toned down my original plans of getting tattoo sleeves and getting myself generally covered a la CM Punk (and I have to tell ya, I’m so glad I grew out of that phase). These days I prefer to have small tattoos to memorialize significant people or events, and some of my plans include my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. Or a new piercing? Probably not. What would your name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Brown. If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? Yes. I hate the unknown and would rather be certain, no matter how ugly or nasty the certainty holds. Do you make your bed regularly? Every morning. Do you look forward to the weekend? NO. I have a 2-day meeting for my 2-day weekend. I am so dreading it. I just want to stay a lazy couch blob for another week. How much do you know about the mechanics of cars? I know how to turn a car on, go forward, reverse, brake, and open my gas tank... and that’s about it. Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? Model and beauty queen, yeah. How old was your mom when she had you? She was 26, but was turning 27 that year. Do rainy days get you down? No. I thrive on rainy days lmao. Who is the artist/band you're listening to at the moment? No music keeping me company at the moment. Do you ever take aspirin when you 'feel a headache coming on'? Not aspirin but I take a Biogesic. I dunno if those two or the same thing or not. Is there a calendar in the room you're in? Nope. Do you prefer to be in a relationship or be single? I’ve been seeing a person for technically six years, so now I prefer a relationship after being accustomed to having one for so long. If you're single, do you wish you were in a relationship? Have you ever had your heart broken? Sure. Do you live within an hour of the beach? No. I’m very far away from the beach :( How do you like your steak? Rare or medium-rare. Were you born in the 1980s? I was not. A Few Firsts What was the first sound you heard when you woke up? I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me on my phone. I was half-asleep and didn’t feel like answering, so I muted it and went back to sleep. I feel guilty now that I remember, but she didn’t call back or text me so it probably wasn’t a big deal. Who was your first best friend? It was a girl named Kaye from kinder. We were good friends for like two years, and then we got sorted to different sections in Prep and drifted apart after that. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve said her name so many times on these surveys already. Y’all know. Who was your first date to a formal dance? I haaaateeeeed the idea of asking guys out and being in a relationship for most of high school, so I made sure I only asked my cousin for my prom. How bad was your first break up? Pretty messed up. There was a lot of tension and resentment and confusion in the beginning. Throw in my grandfather’s sudden death and me taking the UPCAT, and you have my mental health completely rattled! What was your first favorite movie? High School Musical, for sure. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. What was your first trip to the emergency room for? My platelet count was really low, I was in danger of getting dengue, and had to stay the night at the hospital. Then there was sticking the IV onto my wrist, upon which I made a complete scene in the emergency room and thrashed and kicked around while my (very frail) grandma (sorry, Lola) tried to hold me down with a lot of patients watching lol. Where was the first place you went today? The kitchen. Who was the first person you saw? My sister, I think. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? I wondered why my mom called, realized I was too sleepy to care, and went back to bed. Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? Yupppp. I was in third grade, my club had an overnight camping thingy as its culmination activity, and it was the first time ever that I was allowed to spend the night somewhere else. I remember being around a campfire, roasting marshmallows for the first time, having to share a sleeping mat with Katreen, and her kicking me in her sleep.

Where was your first big vacation to? Boracay. What was your first job? None yet. I’ll make sure to update you by the end of the year. What was the first thing you had to drink today? Coffee.

Some Lasts Where was the location of your last kiss? My girlfriend’s car, when she dropped me back at my place. How old was the last person you kissed? 21. What was the last movie you rented? I’ve never experienced renting a movie, which definitely confirms my status as a Gen Z kid lmao. But I can tell you that the last movie I watched was Knives Out. Where was the last place you went? Other than around my house, we went to church last Tuesday night for New Year’s Eve mass. What was the last restaurant you went to? Yabu. Who was the last person to call you? My mom, this morning. Who was the last non-relative you spoke in person to? Gabie. What was the last thing you bought? I got dinner from Yabu, haha. When was the last time you drove more than an hour somewhere? December 14th. That evening was INSANE. It was Saturday + Christmas traffic, and it took me two hours to travel from Antipolo to Rita’s place in Makati. JM and I drove separately cos we were a big group - his drive took FOUR hours. Why did you last get angry? My thesis prof was doing us so fucking dirty and I couldn’t do anything about it. What color was the last vehicle you rode in? Blue-green. How long ago was your last birthday? NIne months. When did it last rain? It drizzled a little bit yesterday. What was the age difference between you and your most recent ex? A month and a half. When was the last time you used a dictionary? Maybe an hour ago for a word I used in a past survey lol. Mini iPod Shuffle: Don't Cheat, Use Whatever Song Comes Up, No Matter How Ridiculous (I have several playlists, so I’ll just use the Spotify-curated playlist made for Gab’s account called Your Top Songs 2019 hahahaha) My love song: Love song - Lana Del Rey (Wow.) My fight song: Swim Against the Tide - The Japanese House My break-up song: New Light - John Mayer The song for when I'm sad: Money - Leikeli47 The song for when I'm angry: Constant Conversations - Passion Pit My song to have sex to: Bad Girls - Tennis The song about my ex: Just the Same But Brand New - St. Vincent The song about my best friend: Juice - LIZZO The song about my crush: Seventeen - no rome My 'feel good' song: Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey The theme song of my life: Formation - Beyoncé I literally know four of these songs, which I’ve since bolded just so y’all know that I have no idea what the other seven songs are and if they make sense with the situations at hand. Gab clearly uses her account more than I do, which should be the case anyway lmfaoooooo.

[mikototsu-trash]

It is always funny to see people say anyone but Totsuka mattered to Mikoto because he made him good

I’m Late to answering this ask but what else is new

idk why anyone would send me an ask thinking that I agree only Totsuka is important to Mikoto bc I’ve posted quite frequently in the past about especially Anna’s importance to him??? Anyway, this disc horse is long dead and gone but I’m a petulant little shit and I have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about Suoh Mikoto, the fictional love of my life. 

Disclaimer: this is just my opinion/interpretation of canon and not intended as an attack on anyone else’s thoughts or a presentation of the One True Correct Way To Interpret K Project, or as an attempt to reignite any disc horse, I’m just chronically late to the party lmao. Also, my memory is shit and I haven’t read some of the side materials in a long ass time so if I forget/misremember anything, please let me know!!

Secondary disclaimer: whilst I am a hardcore miko/totsu, this is written from the perspective that all relationships mentioned are platonic.

Third disclaimer: this is probably gonna be long af so it’s going under a cut, but the main summary of my viewpoint is that Tatara, Anna, and Izumo are all equally important in Mikoto’s life, but they all serve different purposes in his life and balance him in different ways. The difference in the ways in which their personalities and traits complement and balance Mikoto’s own doesn’t diminish their importance though, and he would be worse off without any of them.

Okay, so I’ll start with Mikoto’s oldest friend Izumo, who Mikoto knew before he even met Tatara. He’s basically the closest thing Mikoto has to family, and I read their relationship as quite a brotherly one. Izumo knows Mikoto very well, and seems to have a pretty good grasp of how he works. Izumo is also hard-working, tactful, clever, and thoughtful. He’s very forward thinking and level-headed, and takes on leadership roles well. In this way, he balances out Mikoto’s impulsiveness and lack of forethought/difficulty controlling his powers that he displays on some occasions. He helps to direct Homra’s, but particularly Mikoto’s, strength to the places where it would be best employed. I also read a number of Mikoto’s character traits as potential symptoms of depression, especially his low energy and motivation, so having someone like Izumo around to deal with day-to-day running of business and behind-the-scenes stuff takes a burden off him. Izumo is the right-hand man and brains of the outfit, and without him, Homra would be disorganised and ineffective, as would Mikoto. In essence, Mikoto is the Big Gun, who is very powerful and commands respect, but who is far less useful without the tactician to decide where would be most effective to point it. 

Next we have Anna, who is basically Mikoto’s daughter. He cares for her fiercely, to the extent that sometimes her presence is enough to calm his aura (but not persistently). His final words were his apology to her, a threat against her from the Colourless King sparked more anger in him than a threat against anybody else, and he does things for her that he wouldn’t be caught dead doing with anyone else, like going on “dates” and to the amusement park and reading stories. He barely knew her that well in Side:Red and he nearly started a clan war with the Golds over her anyway. I’ve elaborated more on the importance of their parent/child relationship in this post. The way Anna balances Mikoto is like Tatara says - Mikoto’s powers are meant to protect, and Anna is the thing Mikoto most wants to protect. Mikoto and Anna also seem to have an understanding of one another - they’ve both suffered immensely because they’re different to everyone else, and it seems to create this instinct in Mikoto to want better for her than he had for himself. Their influence on one another is very pronounced, and their bond and Mikoto’s protectiveness of her is very deeply important to him. I’m very passionate about these two’s relationship, and I refuse to believe that Anna doesn’t matter deeply to Mikoto, and vice versa. This is the hill I’m gonna die on he’s her dad and that’s that. 

I also wanna dedicate a little bit to Reisi as well, because whilst in my view he’s maybe not 100% as important as the other three, he does perform an important role. He’s the only person who is Mikoto’s match and equal in terms of their level of power, and when Mikoto can’t control his powers, he knows he can let it out safely around Reisi without having to worry about hurting him. They’re pretty much foils to one another, and Reisi is the only person Mikoto trusts to end his life - Habari Jin was stopped by Zenjou Gouki, and yet Mikoto chose Reisi rather than Izumo, because he knows Reisi will do whatever is for the greater good above all else and he doesn’t let emotions cloud his judgement, whereas Mikoto is very much controlled by his emotion. He provides something for Mikoto to safely throw his powers against and let off steam, but he also understands the burden of being a King in a way Mikoto’s clansmen can’t, and is a force of regulation and discipline, by contrast to Mikoto, who is more unwieldy and uncontrolled. 

Then of course there’s Tatara, whose most important role in Mikoto’s life is as his “stopper.” His powers were designed precisely to complement Mikoto’s own - whilst Mikoto is very powerful but struggles to control it, Tatara can very deftly control his own weak power, and help Mikoto control his. He balances Mikoto in a more obvious way - he calms him down, helps him regain control of his powers. That’s what Tatara’s powers were made for - he’s the beast tamer, and nobody else can reliably control Mikoto the way he can - Anna has been shown to help him cool his flames on a couple of instances, but Tatara is the only person who can do so consistently. Plus, he’s very optimistic and happy-go-lucky whereas Mikoto is often portrayed as apathetic and pessimistic, or at least putting up an apathetic front to disguise his fear of hurting the people he cares about, so his optimism helps to balance out Mikoto’s anxious/self-deprecating/pessimistic traits. He’s also very perceptive and empathetic, and therefore has a knack for interpreting what Mikoto needs and what he’s thinking/feeling without Mikoto having to speak (and Mikoto’s not much of a talker). For that reason, he understands what Mikoto needs and what he’s feeling better than most others.  As demonstrated, without Tatara to help him control his powers, Mikoto wouldn’t last very long - the Greens targeted Tatara for a reason - because they knew it was a surefire way to make the Red King end up dead.

However, this doesn’t necessarily make the other characters less important. They’re just important to Mikoto in different and unique ways. If it was Izumo who was killed in the shooting, I’m not 100% sure Mikoto would have ended up dead. He would of course definitely seek revenge, but his attempt would be less organised, and he would have had Tatara around to help him control his Weismann level and prevent a Damocles Down, so he may not have died. Similarly, if Anna had died, again of course Mikoto would seek revenge, but again because he still has his stopper, he’s not guaranteed to have a Damocles Down. Having Tatara around could definitely change Mikoto’s fate, though it’s of course impossible to say with 100% certainty how it would have played out because it’s not canon, this is just my interpretation. But again, just because Mikoto might not have died if the others had been killed doesn’t make them less important, it just means that Totsuka’s main importance to Mikoto was to help him control his powers, and it was an (albeit intentional) loss of control of his aura that caused Mikoto’s Damocles Down and therefore his death, so maybe if Tatara was still around, he could have prevented it. 

Regardless of that tho, it would never have been the others who died anyway, because Tatara was predestined to die prematurely if he stayed beside Mikoto, and he never would have chosen to leave. Mikoto is, in my opinion, the most important person in Tatara’s life, but that’s a different story for a different post.

So yeah that’s my very long-winded two cents on the matter. Again, not trying to start discourse (tho I will fite anyone who says Anna isn’t important to Mikoto because that’s just... are we watching the same series???) and feel free to give me y’all’s opinion on the matter, I always wanna discuss needlessly-in-depth K meta with whoever will listen to me lmao

[apathbacktoyou]

Oooh more prompts? Yay! Could I request #50 from your most recent list? 💙

yeees thank you🖤🖤

50 is “I love you.“ “Yeah, I lo-“ “No, as more.“

and lbr if it’s you and me involved in a prompt thing we all know the pairing i chose lmao

ao3 or under cut yadada

“You have a fan waiting in the atrium,”Azale announced with a grin, not bothering to knock as she barged into the dressing room.

“A fan?” Sinara gave her a quizzical look through the mirror, continuing to wipe the blood, sweat, and grime off her face.

They had people coming in now and then, trying to recruit fighters to their personal guard or as mercenaries, but those were hardly people she’d describe as fans. The fighting pits were something of an attraction, to be sure, but on the rare occasions soldiers got leave to participate, a higher rank was sent with them to supervise. A thinly veiled way of saying they’d better not try to get an offer of private work.

Azale shrugged.“That’s what Ukena said, anyway. I’m just s’posed to tell you to hurry up.”

Sinara scowled, but did as she was bid. If Commandant Ukena wanted her to speak to whoever it was, they must be important.

She didn’t manage to catch Ukena on the way to get a heads up on who was waiting for her. There was only a few dozen people she thought would get special treatment from the commandant, though, so there wasn’t too many possibilities. His attire narrowed those down even more. There had been rumours the princes would be in attendance. The sigil on his chest proved them true.

“There you are,”he said jovially, as she was still busy taking note of every insignia he wore. The younger brother, then. Kasius. He was talking all the while, and she must have missed a key part somewhere, because the next thing he said was,“I love you.”

“Excuse me?”she said, taking a step back. She wondered just how deep in his cups he was, and just how long Ukena expected her to entertain his nonsense.

“My brother was awfully certain you wouldn’t win,”he replied, as if that explained anything at all.“Certain enough to bet his favourite cruiser. I plan to wreck the thing, and since you’re the reason I can do so, I wanted to invite you along.”

She almost grinned at that. There was something charmingly petty to his sheer glee at the prospect.

“Well?”he prompted when she hesitated.

“Can I fly it?”she asked in lieu of an answer.

He considered that.“Sure. Are you a good pilot?”

This time, she couldn’t keep herself from smiling.“No particularly.”

“All the better,”he said, smiling brightly. He offered her his arm.“Shall we?”

Kasius was not one for boundaries, always a little too into her space, hands on her arm when speaking, sitting so close his shoulder bumped hers, leaning close to whisper some joke into her ear. She’d gotten use to it faster than she would have thought.

It was still rare for her to be the one to reach out.

Therefore it was hardly surprising that he trailed off when she took his hand. His gaze was somewhere between harried and hopeful when he fixed his eyes on her.

“It’s going to be alright,”she said. An empty platitude, really, but all she had to offer him right now. There was no knowing what punishment awaited them for desertion. Should the real circumstances somehow get out, they’d be lucky to be simply executed.

Somehow, her words still managed to get a small smile from him, or maybe it was her hand on his that did the trick. He intertwined their fingers.“You don’t really think that. But thank you for saying it.”

“You’re wrong.” She couldn’t have said where the sudden certainty came from but it felt true. Her thoughts were no longer racing the way they had been since she’d murdered his generals.“We’re going to be fine, even if I have to kill our way out of the city.”

Kasius laughed - a little shakily, perhaps, but entirely genuine. He leaned closer, resting his head against hers.“I love you, Sinara.”

She had no response to that, her heart stumbling over a beat. She’d never know how he could throw those words around so casually.

“There’s not enough fear. Not enough distrust.” Kasius was pacing and rambling, rambling and pacing. “We kill those with the lowest earnings. They blame each other for their debt, they try to scam others out of their units. But it’s not enough-”

“So make them do it,”Sinara suggested. Kasius did not like being interrupted, but she did have a certain leeway with him. And this had been going on for entirely too long, her patience with his monologuing running thin.

He fell silent mid-sentence, stepping into her personal space. She was long past the urge of stepping back any time he did it.“Say that again.”

“Make them do it,”she repeated. It was a terribly obvious solution, she thought, the way he always went on about having to pit the humans against each other.“If they owe too much money, they owe us a life. Theirs or someone else’s, it makes no matter.”

“They owe a life.” He said it as if the words left a pleasant taste in his mouth.“That’s good. Genius, really. So simple, yet so elegant. I love it.” He smiled, bringing his hands up to her cheeks. “It’s perfect, Sinara. I love you.”

Then he kissed her, fleetingly, hardly more than a peck, but enough to make her brain cease all activity for a full three seconds. Kasius was already continuing to talk as if that was something perfectly normal to do.

“A life spent, a life earned. A new chance until we have to cull their numbers again.” He smiled at her brightly, somehow oblivious to her state of shock.“I think we’ll call it a Renewal. What do you think of that?”

All she managed was a nod, fingers slowly raising to press against her lips.

Sinara stepped from the bathroom to find Kasius had made no progress while she was in the shower.“Still nothing to wear?”

He’d already been brooding over his clothes when she had woken up, and Kasius was usually never awake before her.

“Basha is ruthless,”he complained. He’d been fretting about her arrival for days now.“I won’t have her make a mockery of me again.”

Sinara barely remembered what their last dispute had been about. Wine selection, she thought, or something equally trivial.“I could always just kill her, if you want.”

He paused his search to smile at her.“I know. And you know I love you for suggesting it, but she has influence in all the right places. She may be our way out of exile one of these days.”

“Right.” She wasn’t entirely sure she even wanted them to be allowed to leave the Lighthouse. Lines that oughtn’t be crossed had been crossed, and she thought that things might be more complicated back on Hala. However things were supposed to become more complicated when your boss was also your best friend was also your (rather more than) occasional fling. And with the way he tossed around the word love... well, he meant nothing by it.

She picked a random garment, to distract herself more than anything.“What’s wrong with this one?”

“Can I tell you something?” His words weren’t exactly slurred, but Sinara could tell that it cost him more of an effort than it should.

“Is it that you drank too much?”she asked, steering him towards his bed.“Because I’m aware of that.”

“That’s not it.” He sat down heavily.“Can’t you take this seriously?”

She decided to humour him.“Take what seriously, exactly?”

“I love you,”Kasius said.

She really ought to see a medic, she thought, the way her heart clenched at that. Clearly there was something wrong with her. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.“So you have said before.”

“You don’t understand,”insisted Kasius, taking her hand.“I love you.”

Sinara wetted her lips nervously. He seemed to expect an answer by the way he was looking at her, eyes shining with some emotion she could not put a name to. He’d likely not remember any of this in the morning. There would be no harm in saying it back. Yet the words didn’t want to come out. She’d really thought she’d unlearned being nervous. Apparently not.

“Well, we’re friends,”she finally managed. He looked confused, then saddened.Obviously not the response he’d been hoping for. She cleared her throat, not quite meeting Kasius’ eyes.“Yeah, I lo-”

“No,”he interrupted.“As more.”

She stared at him, dumbfounded. Her hand was still in his. She pulled it away slowly.“You need to get some sleep.”

The sweat had long cooled on her skin, but her heart was still beating out a frantic rhythm.

She had spent weeks telling herself his words had meant nothing, that it had been the alcohol talking. And he hadn’t brought the matter up again, either.

But now he’d said it again, and there was no ambiguity to just how he’d meant it. Not with his breath so hot against her skin, not when she could barely tell where she ended and he begun.

She’d kissed him rather than answering, overwhelmed with just how much she had wanted to echo those words.

He was asleep, now, but for her any rest was elusive. She simply lay there, listening to his heart beat and willing her own to align with the calm cadence.

When she couldn’t take it any longer, she buried her face against his chest and whispered,“I love you, too.”

It felt right. It felt like home.

“Everything we’ve ever wanted,”he said.

But the way he was looking at her was already more than she’d ever dreamed.

There was no doubting how he felt, and she was past doubting her own feelings, too. It was time he got the same peace of mind.

“I love you,”she said.

She’d thought there’d been a look of ecstasy on his face before, but somehow, his features managed to light up even more at her words.

He kissed her, slow and soft and sweet. When they moved apart, neither could stop smiling.

“I love you, too,”Kasius said.

[ellipsesarefun]

Three thousand years have passed since I outlined this. LMAO It was left in the WIP folder for three or five years and I finally finished it!!!! This concept has probably been done but I hope you enjoy this? You can read it here or on the link above.

Soul Perception has always been a useful tool for a meister. Maka had heard several anecdotes from her mother and her mother's friends on how it was done, and none of them came close to a general path in training their own perception. Perception manifests in several manners. Some people have a combination of soul perception types, and some only had one. Her mother's aunt had openly bragged once how she spotted a kishin with her hypersensitive sense of smell. A professor once explained his soul perception through the vibrations of the materials around him. Maka has yet to discover her type. 

 She had only discovered that her abilities awake during her subconscious: in her dreams. There are moments when she felt a crowd of people in her room, alight with a wondrous image of colors, vibrant and alive. It only lasted for a few seconds at best and rarely does she remember the visions, merely the strange feeling that bloomed in her body when she woke up, as though she was once submerged in an ocean of entities. 

 At this hour, she sets her plan into motion. Like any other night, the house empty and the front door's locked. Maka expects her dad to come back a week or so after his manwhoring excursions and she has less expectations of her mother visiting her after years of lost contact. She closes the door to her room and saunters over to her desk to place the text books she recently bought for her upcoming classes next week. Once finished, she crosses her legs on the bed, waiting for something. 

 Nothing. 

 She takes a deep breath and exhales. 

 Still nothing. 

 Maybe she was doing this the wrong way. She careens her head towards the window, eyeing the empty streets of Death City. Lifting her gaze towards the sky, Maka eyes the moon that laughs and mocks under its own jurisdiction. She rears her head back to where she can see the edge of her bed and closes her eyes. 

 Breathe in. Breathe out. 

 Still nothing. 

 The deep breathing exercise continues, however, and as the time ticks by, a strange feeling blooms within her.

   And then suddenly there was strong torrent of emotions. She could feel them, see them, spherically with a spectrum of colors, in shades of light and dark in each one of them. Her head spun around this panorama, dazzled by the immensity of her own perception. She instinctively reached out and took one in her hands. It was warm and when she held it against her chest, she could feel the synchronization of their heartbeats. She could feel him, whoever he was.

 “Soul Eater Evans.” She uttered his name. Once. And her senses placed all focus on him.

 Crimson. His pupils were crimson and he had soft, white-pillowed hair. How she knew, she’ll never know. Music flooded her ears, a deep, dark, symphony that clashed with those crimson eyes. Her senses fully locked in on him like there was a secret code between her and this mystery man. Without warning, she saw herself floating amidst a pitch black room, where a light was shown on the man named Soul Evans. Step by step, her heart thumping along, his fleshed phalanges swiftly danced from octave to octave, gradually increasing the pace of his symphony.

 And the music stopped. All at once, the void was flooded with bright, chandelier lights. She was standing in a middle of a room, the walls as white as his hair and curtains as the color of his eyes. Soft couches appeared in all corners in the room, and a door, revealed itself right at the very end from where the piano faced.

 It must be the exit.

 The man closed the piano and stood, turning his head at her while he did so. For a moment, no one spoke. In the silence, she took her time scrutinizing the boy. He seemed more of her age, born from a family of elite (as afar as her perception whispers answers in her mind). The boy, Soul, shuffled his feet about and fiddled with his piano fingers before she drew a large breath and took a step forward. The boy looked up from his hands with an unreadable expression.

 “So, you must be Soul.” She began. His eyes narrowed, mirroring her usual mistrust towards certain people.

 “How the hell do you know my name.” For boy born from elite, he certainly lacks such manners.

 “I… don’t know.” It wasn’t much of an answer, because how can she explain this perception to a mere stranger; a stranger who knows nothing of her kind, of her world. It did not appease the boy’s suspicions, only narrowed his eyes and his frown more prominently.

 “Is this… a dream?” He asked. Maka moved towards the couch and took a seat. She drew random swirls on the lush carpet, trying to keep her mind as calm as possible. There was no roundabout way in proceeding this dream-like state.

 “It must be.”

 And then suddenly, the room changed. Swirling her vision as the room expands and the walls, curtains and furniture fade away. A swarm of people in masques fade in and surround them, and a chandelier above lights a spot on the two of them.

 As the room finally stabilized, her gaze rests on Soul’s. She blinks, feeling her eyebrows touch her hairline, and elicits a gasp at swarm of people crowding in with masks on their faces. Her gaze trails down, speechless at the obsidian satin that fits through her hands to the ends of her forearms, and a dress that accompanies the same color hung until her knees. She turns to him again, teeth gnawing at the bottom of her lip.

 He smiles and offers his hand. “I don’t dance but, would you like to?”

 She lingers at the hand, tracing the scars on the palm, and wonders for a moment if it was best to decline. Her musing lasts for a second because she finds her hand reaching out to grasp his own. They were a scene in a play and there was something outside her control that pulls the strings.

 He pulls her in and at the same time she ushers herself towards him as she says, “I have two left feet, so you lead, ok?” A simple statement, as it is, but there was a ring of a bell; a moment of deja vu.

 She smiles, anyway, and it’s genuine. They share a look.

 “Yea sure. Whatever.”

 And a series of events happened at once. They dance, twirling around the ballroom as their conversation blooms along with their feelings.

 “I’m from Death City.”

 “Oh, I just arrived here. Ran away from home.”

 “Oh. My home left me and I had to find someplace else in Death City. But that was years ago.”

 They exchange small anecdotes of their lives, giggling over the randomest nonsense and sharing the deepest heartfelt experiences all in the same night. From the heated gazes of crimson and veridian, from the subtle grips on the shoulders and their hands, she feels her soul brush against Soul’s. There seemed to be a familiar vibe around him. Around them. As though they had done this some dreams ago, may a lifetime ago even.

 The Soul that she has come to learn now becomes tangible. Someone who grew up in a family with old royalty, with a weapon bloodline clandestine and forgotten among the family members. Someone who decided to carve his own future instead of the path built on his parent’s expectations. Someone who has a name, a face, with experiences. Someone she’d want to meet someday.

 This surreality baffles her, as she realizes that this came from her own Soul Perception. Just how masks she’s seen, how far her Soul Perception stretches and lapses, and the many times her soul merges with Soul’s… it’s bizarre. She wonders if this Soul right here might be her potential partner.

 It all ends however, for time is static and powers have their limits. The end begins where their dance stops. Gradually, she feels the energy ebbing away from her body. At the precipice, she finally slunks down, body almost hitting the floor, when Soul catches her in his arms. The walls rumble, and the people around them have cracks in their skin as though they were made of marble.

 She looks up at Soul and she finds a large crack on his face, through one of his eyes, past his nose, and at the edge of his jaw. She lifts a hand to it but falters midway as tiredness sweeps into her mind, begging her to stop the process. Everything else is falling apart as the shards of this dream fall apart into dust.

 “Look for me when this is over, okay?” Half of his face is gone and all that’s left are those dark crimson eyes.

 “Yea. Okay.”

 And then there was nothing.

   Maka wakes up to sunlight flooding her sheets and finds her body laid down on soft cushion. Groggily, she pushes herself out of bed and looks through the window where the laughing sun overcasts the entire Death City. Her memory rewinds to the events that occured the night before, and she can only nitpick those dark melodies, ballroom dances, and a person who goes by the name Soul.

 Soul Eater Evans.

 She’s finally able to tap in her memories of her Soul Perception. Although wary of how she’ll progress here on then, she’s a step ahead. Just needs a little more practice.

 The elated surreality from last night dwindled into planning out the tasks for today, and reviewing for tomorrow’s quiz. Today is the day unpartnered weapons and meisters meet and greet. She isn’t sure how it’ll go but there’s a small ounce of certainty that maybe she’ll find her partner there.

 But until then, she prepares herself for the day ahead of her.

[kyuu-rereads-umineko]

Ep6, Chapter 2 (Part 1)

I’ve got (some) momentum here, let’s not waste it!

Lambda, Bern, Erika, and Dlanor are hanging around in Beato’s smoking room, waiting for Battler to present his gameboard to them. Bern talks about crushing it, because of course she does.

“I kept making strange faces all the time last game thanks to you... Thought I might start getting wrinkles.” lmao

“Th-there’s no need to worry. The beauty of my master’s face is without peer, no matter how wrinkly it may get.” and bern looks pissed, lmfao

Dlanor expresses remorse over Beato’s death, Lambda basically says “that’s the way it goes,” and Bern looks smug as she comments that no one remembers who invented chess. that sums up their personalities pretty well tbh

“If Battler’s kept us waiting this long, he must be pretty confident in his plan.” See, this, coupled with Battler’s knowledge of the truth, is part of why I feel like he knows what he’s doing in this episode. Battler may be rash and impulsive, and he may be emotional and prone to losing his cool, but he’s not stupid. Hell, if the end of Ep5 is anything to go by, once his anger’s dissipated and he starts looking at Beato’s game with a critical lens (i.e. Knox’s decalogue), he’s able to figure things out pretty quickly. He might not have expected Erika to be crazy enough to fucking kill people to corner him (though I will say that yes, he should’ve expected it, because that girl’s got problems), but I don’t think he’s incapable of solving the logic error on his own. It’s really quite trivial when it comes down to it, especially compared to the narrative viewpoint fuckery going on in Ep5 itself.

Anyways. Gold butterflies, human shape, and... SURPRISE! Beato’s here!

(only not quite)

Bern muses that this Beato must be Battler’s piece, while Dlanor says that piece or not, she’s still Beato. dlanor why did you have to get teamed up with someone as awful as erika :(

“Father will be here very soon. I ask that you wait for just a short while longer...” urk

Lambda laughs, thinking it must be a scheme like the one she pulled back in Ep3, and Erika immediately goes for her by calling Battler “incompetent”. i mean it was declared in red like four episodes ago, so

“I’m sure Father understands it quite deeply. He really is good at that sort of thing.” Erika is... less than happy with her response, and states that Beato is “just one of Battler’s delusions, so I’ll erase every part of you and knock you down into the abyss of oblivion.” good sportsmanship

“I too cannot allow you such an easy victory. ...I, uh, look forward to having a good, clean fight.” lmfaoooo

At that, everyone clues in that this Beato isn’t just Battler’s piece or something like that. Lambda asks, “Just who... are you?”

funny how beato’s support in the first half of the series is asking the same question beato wanted battler to answer huh

Poor chick Beato, though. “Am I somehow different... from the Beatrice everyone was expecting? [...] I... I was only born recently, so I have no memories at all... H-however, I will study hard... in order to become the Beatrice you all expect...”

And in comes Father Battler, telling her off for leaving her room like a strict parent would. this is certainly awkward in hindsight

Chick Beato says that she only wanted to help, calling him “Father” again. Kinda like in Eps1-4, while I can deeply empathize with Battler here (the word “Father” would have some really disturbing connotations to Yasu herself), I still feel sorry for Beato. She can’t understand what it is she’s doing wrong, but he pushes her away anyways...

...And, understandably, tells her off for calling him Father. She lets out a sad “yes” and leaves.

“...This is a pretty weird plan.” lmao thanks bern

“Let’s start the 6th game. ...Erika, and you too, Bernkastel. This will be my tale, proof that I’ve reached the truth about Beatrice. Lambdadelta, please oversee this game, as a former Game Master.”

Battler announces the title of the episode - Dawn of the Golden Witch. Given that Episode 3 was originally called Land, it can’t have been intentional on Ryukishi’s part the whole time, but I do wonder if the B A T T L E R ‘ D thing was completely unintentional or not...

Even the narrative points out that Battler’s a lot more subdued than usual, and we jump back to Ange and Featherine.

“Ange. Beato seems very different from the way she was before.” YOU DON’T SAY

Ange comments that she’s surprised Beato’s even alive, given that she died at the end of Ep5 before Battler reached the truth. Yeah...

“There are two kinds of death in this world. One of them is when a piece is taken from the gameboard. This is only a death within the bounds of the game, and these lives can revive over and over again each time you start a new game.”

After a bit of talk about pieces and vessels (using Sakutarou as an example), Ange asks what the second kind of death is. “That’s the death of beings outside the gameboard. To continue with the Sakutarou example, this would be like Maria’s death. [...] It doesn’t have to be her death. Loss of interest or concern would have the same effect... When Maria grows up from playing with stuffed animals, then ‘Maria the game player’ will die.”

“I see... In that case, ‘Beato the player’ completely gave up on winning during the last game... so she died and vanished. If so, and if Beato thinks she has a chance of defeating Onii-chan again, she’ll come back to life, right...?”

Featherine basically says that the concept of time is the problem, and Ange catches on quickly, using skipping school as a metaphor. “Skipping school for one day might not be a problem, but if you skip for three days in a row, it’d be really hard to convince yourself to go back.” Featherine asks how it’d be if that period of time stretched on for a thousand years, as it does in the world of witches.

“You would never again... be able to regain the self that you once were. It would never revive.”

“Beato lost any chance or hope of winning... Even though she knew this, she pretended not to, and kept on fighting for many, many games. So, Beato will not return. Her hopes were crushed. She’s spent all of the willpower that she might have used to regain the will to fight. Therefore... that Beatrice will never revive again.” Ange realizes that the Beato who was hanging around with empty eyes throughout Ep5 was her “corpse”, but eventually even that was erased.

The Yasu parallel here is pretty obvious, but at the same time, the differences are kinda interesting - namely, Yasu’s “thousand years.” Not the fact that they were stretched over six years, but the fact that there are numerous moments that could be argued to have “killed” her - Battler not coming back after the first year, Battler forgetting to write her a letter, her developing feelings for George and moving on, starting to realize there was something wrong with her body, solving the epitaph and having her entire sense of self ripped away from her, and of course hearing about Battler’s return in 1986.

I suppose you could argue that Beato getting her hopes crushed so many times over - particularly when Battler got stuck at the end of Ep3 and when he responded cluelessly to her big question in Ep4 - are the Meta-World’s “equivalent” moments, and that’s probably what Ryukishi was aiming at, but... Hmm. 

At any rate, Ange realizes that that’s why Lambda shackled Beato to the game towards the end of Ep4 - if Beato had died at that point, the gameboard itself would’ve disappeared. Once Beato’s will to fight was gone completely (Ep5), Lambda usurped her position as Game Master, and “Beato’s existence” stopped being a necessary condition for the gameboard’s existence.

“So... when Onii-chan managed to reach the truth... it was one game too late for him to tell Beato about it.” And in many ways, that sentence right there is the tragedy of not just the Meta-World, but Rokkenjima itself. Not one person even got close to figuring out the truth of Yasu’s heart before it was too late, and as a result, almost everyone died.

“The 5th game was a form of charity on Lambdadelta’s part... She merely showed Battler some mercy as the Witch of Certainty, acknowledging his strong desire to reach the truth no matter what...”

Ange disagrees pretty strongly, but gets back to the point. “...This weird Beato isn’t the player Beato. She’s just a piece Beato.” Featherine points out that if that’s the case, she should be the same trollish, cackling Beatrice we all know and love. Ange gets her point immediately - Battler doesn’t want an imitation of Beato that just does whatever he expects her to, so this Beato isn’t just a piece.

“Battler... might be trying to revive Beato in the truest sense. It is the never-dying dream held by children of man.”

Ange immediately takes issue with that, since Featherine herself denied the possibility in red, and she basically replies that there’s a difference between “Beato’s revival” and “Beato’s rebirth”. “Have you forgotten? I believe that Bernkastel herself revealed Beato’s true form at the end of the 1st game...”

“Now I remember... She said something about how Beato exists as the incarnation of the rules.” “Information began to be accumulated based around that rule, and in the end, it took the form of the witch known as Beatrice. If that pattern is followed once more, the same Beatrice will be born again, and perhaps one could call that a resurrection...”

“And that means... this pure and lovable kid will eventually grow up into that screwed up, crazy witch...”

Featherine muses that having Ange read to her is “far from boring,” and Ange quips that she seems to know all the answers already, and they trade a few more barbs. trolls trolling trolls trolling trolls etc. etc.

“Anyway. From what we learned in the 4th game... there’s no doubt that there’s some kind of antagonism between Beato and Onii-chan in the past. Learning about this Beato might give us a key towards finding the truth.” Featherine expresses interest in reading about chick!Beato’s story, and we jump to Battler in... uh, the meta version of Kinzo’s study, I guess? i dont even know okay. At any rate, more Battler/Kinzo parallels.

He finishes up creating the 6th game, and says to Genji (who’s there for whatever reason, probably because parallels), “I always thought being a Game Master meant you could make the tale however you want... but this is seriously harder than I thought it’d be.”

“You must write up multiple tales and make the inner and outer sides of the story match.” I really like this line. It’s a pretty good way to describe how the two sides of the story mesh together to create the “third” side - the fantasy tale and the mystery tale together make up the heart of the story. You can’t have one without the other, and you can’t reach the truth without both.

We get a bit of exposition on logic errors (i.e. don’t make them battler you fucking moron), and then Genji says that chick Beato - who Battler confirms is a personification of the rules - has awoken.

The way Battler lights up and starts smiling immediately once he hears that Beato’s awake... it’s heartwarming, but really sad at the same time, knowing how mistaken he is about what “Beato is awake” means...

“There was no trace in his expression of the hatred he had once felt towards Beato for murdering his family...” lmao

Ange and Featherine interrupt, with Ange saying, “In a way, that was the final riddle of the 5th game,” which, indeed, it is. “When Battler reached the truth, there was a great change in his impression of Beato.”

Ange wonders if that means that there really was something between the two of them six years ago, then recalls that that was denied in red back in Ep4. “We can read this as saying that Beato did not exist six years ago, or it could simply mean that she had no connection to Battler at that time. However, either way, Battler did not visit Rokkenjima at all for the next six years...”

Ooh. I’d forgotten that Featherine proposes that “Battler’s sin” was what led to Beato’s “creation.” “Almost as though... Beatrice was Battler’s piece.”

“Battler sinned six years ago. Because of that sin, people died. The killer was Beatrice... If you consider the possibility that everything is connected to Battler’s sin six years ago, then the one who created Beatrice was Battler himself.”

Ange expresses confusion, seeing as the culprit’s response to Battler’s “sin” (whatever it was) was a serial murder. Featherine replies, “The weight of a sin depends on the person measuring it,” but also goes on to say that even she thinks that’s “a bit excessive” as far as responses go. you don’t say

In hindsight, I don’t think it’s inaccurate to say that Battler’s sin was “the first straw,” if you will. Battler and his dumb pony promise and return six years later influenced the form of the tragedy, but not whether or not it would happen. I’m tired, I hope this is making sense.

Anyways, Ange wonders if Battler’s sin is hidden in the story up to this point. Featherine says she has a theory about it, then laughs and refuses to tell her. these two get along well don’t they

(Though yes, Ange, Battler’s sin is explicitly mentioned, so go looking for it!)

“Just what kind of connection do Onii-chan and Beatrice have with each other? Understanding that... will probably give me a massive clue towards finding the truth of this world.”

[northeasternwind]

All Ye Wandering Hearts, 1/1

SO WHO WANTS SOME SAD BUT ALSO HOPEFUL VEIZEN AS CANON-COMPLIANT AS I CAN GET IT. Sadly this is about Eizen trying to handle his feelings for Velvet so Velvet isn’t actually in it lmao this is what happens when you are aro/ace and try to write romance that also complies with canon please forgive me

Title: All Ye Wandering Hearts Fandom: Tales of Berseria Rating: T Word Count: 2022 Main Characters: Eizen, Laphicet, Velvet (mentioned)

Summary: Eizen has an extremely ill-advised crush, and a purpose with which it is nearly incompatible.

Velvet was unremarkable.

There was no way to sugarcoat it. Humans obsessed with revenge were a dime a dozen in this world, and in his long centuries of travel Eizen had seen plenty of them. I’ll kill him no matter what. I’ll never forgive what he’s done. I don’t care who else suffers.

Velvet was unremarkable. There was nothing at all unusual about her.

...Except she stayed.

It was in her best interest, Eizen reasoned. He had a ship and a crew, and 1000 years of experience besides. His usefulness outweighed the consequences of his curse. Certainly it made things more difficult than they had to be, but she seemed to think his company worth the extra trouble. Well, it was; the Van Eltia boasted the hardiest pirates in the known world, and he was its leader in Aifread’s absence. She was strong enough to shrug off the worst of his curse, so he was a greater asset than a risk.

She didn’t much appreciate his vast knowledge of treasures and history, but she accepted his insight. He hadn’t heard any complaints yet, at least. She simply appreciated the sheer depth of his experience, most likely, even if she didn’t actually care for what he had to say.

Point being, their coexistence was purely business, and that was the only difference between her and every other vengeful human he’d known. If she happened to tolerate him slightly more than other such humans, it was merely because she had a goal and would use any means within her reach to achieve it.

There was no reason to appreciate her as a person. None.

...Except.

In the depths of Titania, Eizen flipped his coin. A malak was more than simply a human with magic powers. In most places Eizen had an awareness of the ground under his feet that was difficult to explain with words; an uncanny certainty that there were things growing in the soil beneath, or not growing, and a bone-deep understanding that he would never understand how big his world was. How much earth lay under and across the sea.

But if he closed his eyes and really focused at an earthpulse point, the power became more acute. Eizen withdrew from his thoughts and tested his reach; he could feel a tiny daemon girl standing next to an equally tiny malak, men loitering on the dock, normin in the entrance hall.

Velvet on the watchtower.

Generally it was difficult to tell her and Rokurou apart, but tonight Eizen knew for a fact that Rokurou was downstairs sleeping off the disappointment of not getting to kill the dragon of the Aldina Plains. (And there was another subject to brood on, later.) The powerful daemon atop the watchtower could only be Velvet Crowe, once a sister of three.

Once.

Eizen would die if something happened to Edna.

And, perhaps more importantly, they had a common goal which inevitably led to them spending time together, even if that time was generally spent fighting for their lives rather than doing any sort of bonding. And since she was the only other person in their motley band with any sense, it was she Eizen most often shared his plans and concerns with.

They say you can get attached to someone just by talking to them often enough, even if you have no other reason to like them.

Eizen withdrew his senses from the earthpulse to look down at his coin. Tails.

He groaned and massaged his brow. Eizen had a crush on a daemon.

Velvet had no personal interest in him and damn it, he shouldn’t have any in her, either. But what a woman! Who learned the art of the sword from Artorius Collbrande himself, who only ever intended to use it for hunting, who must have once been a common family girl who cared for her brother as tenderly as Eizen once cared for Edna. Velvet was no coin with two distinct sides; she spoke softly to Laphicet for the same reason she destroyed towns, taught Eizen about Aldina Alabastergrass for the same reason she devoured her enemies.

She was cruel and kind, and clever, and her fierce beauty wasn’t helping at all. Damnation.

Eizen flipped his coin over in his fingers. Could he truthfully say he was in love with Velvet? No matter how deep her pain, Eizen never hesitated to bar her way if it hampered his own agenda. Could he claim to love Velvet when he valued his feelings over hers, Aifread’s life over hers? Could he love someone whose suffering he would only ease because it fell in line with his own?

But there was no mistaking his feelings. The gratification when she confided in him; the admiration of her bladework; the urge to be near her, to know more, to hear her thoughts and opinions. And, at least in his case, an enormous frustration with the fact that a malak and a daemon couldn’t remain in direct contact for very long.

“Eizen?”

Eizen started and looked up: lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed Laphicet’s approach until the young malak was directly above him. Wide green eyes peered down into the cell through the grate at the top.

“I’m sorry!” Phi called down. “Did I mess up your concentration?”

Eizen shook his head. “No, it was already broken. I’m guessing you came to try sensing the earthpulse points again?”

“Yeah.” Laphicet’s face disappeared from the grate, and he appeared shortly at the ladder. Eizen watched diligently as he descended; no one had fallen yet, but with a drop like that it was only a matter of time.

He reached the bottom and hurried over to where Eizen stood waiting, white robes fluttering behind him. “What did you come down here for?”

Eizen flipped his coin again, considering his answer. Laphicet’s own crush on Velvet was the catalyst for many of his decisions, and Eizen had no desire to complicate that for him. “I was thinking about things I can’t control again.”

“You mean like your curse-- oh!” Laphicet blinked, and returned the good-natured poke Eizen had given him through the earthpulse. “I guess you can sense things through the earthpulse, too.”

Eizen smiled. “Yeah. Not as strongly as you, of course, but I think being an earth malak helps. I can count all the people on the island and tell you where they are.”

Laphicet’s eyes lit up briefly before he closed them again, focusing. He tended to lack control same as any malak his age, but what generally took Eizen several minutes of unbroken concentration Laphicet could accomplish in a few seconds. He opened his eyes again.

“That’s pretty neat!” he said. “But… what does that have to do with… things you can’t control?”

Eizen restrained a sigh, disliking the thought of hiding something from Laphicet even if his feelings were his own business. “It’s true that being a malak grants me abilities others don’t have, like sensing through the earthpulse. But it also places restrictions on me that are much greater than those placed on humans; I can only make friends with those who can see me, can only swim with a floatation device, can only withstand malevolence with a vessel.”

“You don’t think that’s a fair deal?”

“Fair has nothing to do with it. It’s part of who I am, so I accept it, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling frustrated from time to time.”

Laphicet put a hand over his heart. “I think it’s nice being a malak. I can protect my friends, so I don’t really mind needing a vessel to get around.”

“Even if it means you can’t be as close to Velvet as you’d like?” Eizen asked. Laphicet winced, and he instantly regretted the remark.

“...Even so,” Phi said nonetheless. “It’s not that I can’t touch her at all or anything, after all. I just think it’s better to give her a hug sometimes than to avoid it because of the malevolence. You’ve carried her before, too!”

“Aye. But our lives depended on it, so I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“Even if you don’t want to be close to Velvet or Rokurou, that’s just your choice,” Laphicet said simply, with the air of one absolutely certain in his reasoning. “And if I do, then that’s my choice. Right?”

Eizen sighed. Laphicet had absorbed his philosophy a little too well, it seemed. “That’s true. But you have to accept that even with a vessel, exposing yourself to that much malevolence means becoming a dragon is inevitable.”

Laphicet wilted. The concept of dragons and their origin was yet new to him, but better he learn now before he doomed himself unknowingly, Eizen thought.

...And yet, he didn’t much like discouraging Laphicet.

“Your wheel is yours to hold,” he repeated, flipping his coin again for emphasis. “The only difference between now and before is that now you know the risks. Knowing that you’re aware you’re also choosing to become a dragon is good enough for me.”

Laphicet closed his eyes again, considering his answer. He was so very young, and Velvet was his whole life; Eizen knew what his choice would be regardless of the risks.

“You can think about it,” he said, voice softening. “And there are other ways to help while you do, you know.”

Phi visibly brightened again. “Yeah! I’m going to try the earthpulse again. Can you stay here please, if it’s not too much trouble?”

“Sure. But I don’t see how I’m going to be of much help.”

“I like having you around,” he insisted. “I think that can be helpful.”

Eizen chuckled, appreciating Phi’s simple honesty. “Alright, if you insist. Let me know if you need anything.”

Laphicet beamed, producing his compass from the depths of his bag and setting to work at once. Eizen withdrew from the earthpulse entirely; it wasn’t as though Phi needed the room, but Eizen needed to think and that tended to be difficult while bearing witness to his search.

Even if there was a future for Velvet after vengeance-- which Eizen highly, highly doubted, he thought with a pang-- she simply wasn’t worth what he would have to give up to even think about being with her. The malevolence, he mused, was almost a non-issue in comparison to everything else; his lifestyle already guaranteed he would become a dragon someday, but dedicating himself to Velvet as Laphicet had would require him to forfeit so much.

She existed for her revenge. Would he give up his pursuit of Aifread if she asked him to? Give up his philosophy? If he were forced to choose, would he choose her?

No. Of course not.

Eizen loved Velvet, he decided. He simply loved Aifread more. There was no shame in knowing what was most important to him, in deciding that some loves by their nature must come before others. Velvet wasn’t worth it.

His gaze fell upon Laphicet, holding his compass and focused entirely on the earthpulse. Then again, he wouldn’t always be forced to choose. He loved Laphicet, too, felt the same strange joy in guiding him through his feelings that he’d once known with Edna, and his search for Aifread hadn’t yet interfered with that. Laphicet was no obstacle at all; he was worth the effort of bonding with him, even if he had at first been a means to an end.

And, after all, Laphicet’s greatest desire was to help Velvet, wasn’t it? Eizen could assist her in his own way, beyond the unspoken terms of their coexistence, without having to infringe upon his deepest beliefs.

It was something, even if it wasn’t much. Velvet simply wasn’t important enough to him to be worth his entire life, but that was no different from the multitudes of other people he loved less than Edna or Aifread.

The hatched opened above their heads, and Eizen knew without having to look who had come to visit.

He sighed, resolving himself not to feel guilty for knowing he couldn’t have everything.

But that didn’t stop the quiet voice in his head that whispered, maybe someday.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #416

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one to blame  /  don’t think of me when you go up in flames”

Does your town/area have a farmer’s market? Do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store? Not close enough for us to actually go there for groceries, no. If you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it? Well no, given Mark's been in a serious relationship for like six years, and I'd feel disloyal to my partner. I can just dream about it, ha ha. Do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you? I tend to be drawn to people I'm more similar to. What is a talent that a lot of other people desire or value but you really don’t care to have (e.g., singing, etc.)? *shrug* If someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth? Tbh, odds are I'm making up an excuse. Would you like to meet an alien? That would depend on its motives. It might have wisdom to share, or it may be nefarious, in which case I don't wanna meet it obviously. If so, would you trust them enough to go back with them to their planet? That's a no no matter how it acts. Trust issues, my friend. And that's with humans. What do you think is at the end of space. It's kinda science that space is infinite... Do you like D&D or Magic: The Gathering the most? I've never played D&D because I know I would be way, way too awkward to actually do it. M:TG is fun, though. What is your favorite Disney movie? TLKKKKK. What’s your favorite book series? Wings of Fire tops the list right now, but Warriors will always have a very special place in my heart. What’s something you wish they’d build in your neighborhood? Idk. Do you usually keep ponytail holders around your wrist? No. I don't even wear my hair in a ponytail because it's too short. Sunny D or orange juice? Orange juice. I have to be in a very specific mood for Sunny D. Can you snap out of a bad mood fast? Nooooo, unless something drastically good happens. How can a person tell if you’re mad or annoyed? My face will probably give it away, mixed with me being short and snippy or more awkward than normal because I'm trying to not be a bother. What’s something you enjoy that’s outside your age level? Certain TV shows. When your friends come and hang out at your house, what do you get up to? The only friend I have that I hang out with once in a blue moon is Girt, and we'd usually play board games or watch TV. Do you think it’s ignorant for people to have unprotected sex when they’re not ready for a child? Yes. Like yes, I'm pro-choice so won't look down on someone getting an abortion, but I still think you should be willing to act to prevent things from getting to that point where that procedure is chosen. For it or against it, abortion is a serious decision and should be treated as such. What were your favourite things to do as a child? My favorite thing had to be video games, specifically Spyro, and I also adored Webkinz and Neopets on the computer. I also loved playing make-believe with my toys like every other kid. I loved watching Dad play video games, too. I've also been a drawing fiend since I was very little. If you were shopping with your best friend, and they picked an outfit that was completely unflattering, would you tell them? I honestly don't know if I would. Her being comfortable and happy in it is what matters, anyway. Do you prefer using air-con or having the windows down when you’re driving on a hot day? Team A/C for sure. I hate the feeling of wind just slapping the hell outta your face and making a nest out of your hair. Can you ever manage to finish three courses when you go out to eat at restaurants? No. What would you say your favourite farm animal is? Pigs! They are so incredibly misunderstood. They're very intelligent, CLEAN (I know, can you believe it?), silly, and happy animals that I just adore. Is your ex currently in a relationship and if yes, how do you feel about that? Idk if "the" ex is with anyone, and it's for the better I don't, probably. Which one of your friends should be a stand-up comedian? Girt. Is your mom a better driver or your dad? Oh yeah. Dad tailgates like a motherfucker. What's your least favorite genre of music? Either rap or country, idk. Do you like poems? I do. Do you enjoy drawing? I have a love-hate relationship with it. I LOVE when something comes out the way I wanted it to, but if it doesn't, I feel very disappointed in myself and bash it into my head that I could do better. Do you even have any drawing talent? So I'm told. Have you ever seen The Sound of Music? Yes, in elementary school's music class. Ever seen Beetlejuice? If so, did you enjoy it? Oh yes, that was one of Jason's favorites. I liked it. How do you deal with oppressive heat? Complain, sweat my ass off, do anything I can to cool off that doesn't involve taking clothes off. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? To remember pretty much anything whatsoever. What about something they definitely can count on you for? An ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. How do you feel about your handwriting? I like it. Is there a store that bothers you immensely for some reason (people who shop there irritate you or the employees who work there are rude, etc.)? Uhhhh I don't think so. What’s something you complain about frequently? If I'm hot, or my legs hurting. If you’re home alone and someone knocks on the door, what do you do? Ignore it. I'm not answering. What’s one book that you have read that will stick with you forever? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. It's an anti-war pacifism novel, which is something I'm very much passionate about. Would you ever get one of those old school “mom” tattoos with the heart? No. I know with certainty I want a tribute to my mom when she passes, but definitely not that design. Are you a Giants fan? I don't care for sports, but the NYG always make me think of Jason's dad, who is like, obsessed with them. So I guess I feel a bit of warmness towards them just for memory's sake. Last time you went pumpkin picking? Never. Do you prefer eating corn straight off the cob or corn already taken off the cob? I think corn on the cob tastes better with all the butter and spices you can put on it, but I do enjoy off the cob too because it's just so much cleaner. Would you want your family to go on Wife Swap? Well, I live with my mom and she's divorced, so... I don't have to worry about this. How old is your current e-mail address? God, I've had it since I was a kid. Last time you conversed with someone in a language other than English? Not since taking a test for German in high school. Last video you favorited on YouTube? Oh my god, it was this video from my favorite reptile channel (Snake Discovery) of them taking their pet tegu to the park. She clearly had SO much fun. Now mind you I very rarely favorite things, so yeah, I adored the video. Do you like chocolate with coconut filling? Noooo, I'm not a coconut fan at all. What was the first thing you ate today? Mom made bacon, yuuuuum. Do you know how to play Mahjong? No. Mom loves it, though. Do you have any skirts longer than knee-length? I don't own any skirts. What’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone you weren’t dating? Just flirting. Ever had a promise ring? No. What about one of those “I’ll wait until marriage” rings (I think they’re called purity rings or something)? They're called abstinence rings, and yes, in HS. Funny how looking back I was definitely breaking that vow while I wore it lmao. What is the shortest time you’ve heard of people being together before getting married? My late grandma and her second husband got married SO fast. Like they were together for probably a couple months (maybe less?), then boom, the news came that they were engaged. Are any of your friends currently pregnant? Facebook friends, yes, which are mostly composed of old friends and acquaintances from school. One poor girl very recently got into a bad wreck, but thank goodness she and her unborn daughter are okay. Have you ever played golf? I loved playing putt-putt when I was younger, and then Jason and I once had a mini-golf date. It was really cute. When was the last time you waxed anything on your body, if ever? It's been some years since I used to wax my eyebrows. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. A minor one, but still. Can you honestly say you love the last person you kissed? Yep. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yeah. Would you ever go on Fear Factor? Noooo. I would NEVER get past day #2 where they tend to do the disgusting shit, and I'm way too out of shape to do the wild stuff they do. What colour was the last mask you wore? Blue. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Oh yes, Sara has an absolutely beautiful voice. When was the last time you had a nightmare? I had two last night, actually. I have this habit of taking my APAP mask off in the middle of the night because it's a nuisance, and I never remember doing so. When I do that, I'm much more prone to have nightmares because the mask helps my sleep apnea, which causes my nightmares/terrors. Where do you see yourself in ten years? I do NOT want to imagine this. It's either going to be beautiful or a fucking catastrophe, of that I'm sure. Does your family have traditions? Just pretty ordinary holiday ones. Have you ever met anyone half-way famous? Tez is famous, as far as I'm concerned. :') I also have some musician friends trying to make it, but idk how far they've actually gotten in the industry. Is there a celebrity that you are related to? No, just ancestors. Would you call your last relationship a mistake? Definitely not. Would you ever take up a job in photography? Ugh... that's the fucking dream. But I'm massively losing hope. Do you throw out your assignments once you’ve gotten them back? When I was in school, it depended on whether it would serve as good study material or not. Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? My old friend Jenna messaged me a few days back just to say she was thinking about me and wished me well, which I really appreciated. Of course I messaged her back wishing her the same and all. Have you ever developed a crush on someone the first day you met them? Don't believe so, no. Do you have any friends who never shut up about their boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, I used to. She vanished. Have you ever showered with a member of the opposite sex? No. Don't want to. I want to be alone when I shower.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #333

“imaginary chain  /  the one you never break  /  seething all alone”

Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah, I'm pretty open about what I'm afraid of. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What class in high school did you struggle with the most? I honestly don't remember with certainty, but it was probably math or economics. At least, I think econ was my senior year. What could you talk about for hours? Mark, meerkats, a few game franchises... maybe a couple more topics. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah, but I don't have many games on there and rarely touch the ones I do. Do you like gaming? I do, but not as much as I did for most of my life. I mostly just play WoW now, and even that I'm not that into anymore. Part of it though comes from not buying any new games that I'm interested in because 1.) no money and 2.) no proper console, and you can only replay games so many times before you're just... yeah, done. Do you like reading books? Some days. Do you like religion? All things considered? No. Do you like Grand Theft Auto V? Y'know, growing up, I actually liked watching my younger neighbor play one of those games, but I don't remember which. Though he never actually "played" it... just ran around wreaking havoc, lol. I do however think GTAV was the one that Jason and Jacob started playing together when we moved into the apartment, and I thought the story was okay; I don't think they ever got far into it, though. Definitely wasn't Jason's sort of game, and I don't think it was too much up Jacob's alley, either. Can you twerk? I haven't tried and you will never see me try either, lmao. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes, but I almost never use it. If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you start kissing them back? Yes. If your best friend of the opposite sex tried to kiss you, would you start kissing them back? No. Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? Yes, because of how badly she hurt him. I don't have any negative feelings towards her now, though. We're actually friends, haha. The irony. Are you an easy lay? What weird wording. But whatever, quite the polar opposite actually. When’s the last time you said you were sorry? A few days ago. Are there any songs you listen to everyday? No. Would you like living on the coast? As someone who lives in a state hit by hurricanes usually every year and has seen the incredible damage they usually bring to the coast, no. I don't like the smell or gritty feel of salty air, either. When’s the last time you were really late to something? No idea. That's usually not a problem with me. Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? The last person I actually stopped like-liking would be Girt, and that would be because I just came to the realization I saw him too much as my brother instead of boyfriend. It just always felt awkward. Do you still talk to that person? Yeah, we're good. No hard feelings or anything between us. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Do you trust easily? Fuck no. I'll be cautious, at least to some degree, about new people for a while. What is the last song to make you cry? Since I've actually behaved and not listened to any trigger songs, it's been a long while, but it was probably "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Last person you hung up on? I'm sure some automated message. I barely ever answer the phone to numbers I don't recognize, though. Where was your last car ride to and from? To Wal-Mart w/ Mom to pick up our order and then back home. Next big outing? *shrug* Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? Not really, no. Considering I'm by far my most authentic self online, I actually tend to appreciate virtual friends more, if I'm being honest. I try to keep up with those people. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? Not really, no. I think I saw Warcraft the day it came into theaters, though. Do movies often make you cry? What kind of films/scenes make you tear up most? Yep. Tragic romance tends to do it the most, I think. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? I have one to track my menstrual cycle as well as another that tracks my daily caloric intake, but I'm bad at using it because it's tedious if I actually have to measure something. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? Ummm if you mean like, in general, probably my mom's. But this most certainly depends on the subject I'm taking feedback on. What is something society "expects" you to do that you don't want to do and/or don't plan on doing? Shaving my legs came to mind first. Granted, I will if there is almost any chance of someone seeing them, but otherwise, I just don't care. We respect women with body hair on this account and see them as no less feminine. Are you interested in architecture? Is there any particular style that you're drawn to? I think it's cool, yeah. I should have an answer for this, given architecture was a massive focus in Art History the last time I was in school... Roman architecture comes to my head first, if that says anything. What was one of your favorite things from the nineties? BOY OH BOY, SO MUCH!! I'm probably gonna say the toys. There was some dope shit, man. Do you collect things pertaining to an animal? ANYTHING and EVERYTHING featuring a meerkat!!!!! :''') Do you wish that people were kinder to spiders? Well, yes. I hope everyone in their heart wishes this, even if they're afraid of them. They're very important to our ecosystem, and none are out there to harm us; their existence does us a favor. Where do you normally order pizza from? Domino's (my favorite) or LIttle Caesar's for the price. Did your parents keep anything of yours from when you were a baby? Oh yes, loads of stuff that's stored away somewhere. Do you own one of those "____ For Dummies" books? No, but I feel like we had one at some point? What was the last VHS tape that you watched? Yikes, who knows. Did you watch Boy Meets World back in the day? I actually didn't, no. Our old neighbor though loved it so much that she named her daughter Tapanga (deliberately spelled that way). Who is your favorite Scooby Doo character? I never really had one. Maybe Thelma. If I were to give you a coloring book, what would you want its theme to be? Animals. Have you ever won a stuffed animal at a carnival? Possibly a small one. I can tell you I did however accidentally stab the guy who ran the dart-throwing booth though, lmfao. He was obviously fine, and it wasn't a bad wound. I felt SOOOOOO bad. Are you a fan of narwhals? I'm a fan of any animal. Narwhals are definitely fascinating creatures. Grape or orange soda? Orange. Grape-flavored soda ain't my thing. Have you ever wanted to vlog? Noooo. My life is so painstakingly boring and repetitive. Did you have a favorite Disney movie as a child? It was and still is The Lion King. Do you or have you ever owned a portable gaming console? Yeah, a GameBoy Advance and Nintendo DS. Is shyness cute? It definitely can be. Have you ever had alcohol poisoning before? No. Do you like to gossip, or do you prefer to keep your mouth shut? I'm not a gossip fan. Have you ever vandalized someone else’s property before? Most definitely not. Are your parents divorced? Yes. Have you ever been under suicide watch for 72 hours in a psychiatric ward? Yes; at least here, that's protocol when you're admitted for suicidal thoughts/tendencies. Have you ever gone through your significant other’s phone or social media accounts, or do you respect their privacy? Absolutely not. That shit pisses me off so badly. Do you wear any sort of clothing for religious reasons? No. What's something you worked extremely hard to get? My sanity back. Sounds so dramatic, but I'm literally not kidding. Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? Not that I remember. How many kids do you want to have? I don't want kids, but to entertain the question, when I did, I wanted three. It's fuckin wild to imagine for even a second that I once wanted that. Do you believe that being gay is a sin? *eye roll* Are you any good at photography? If so, what’s your specialty? I mean it with modesty, but I think I'm pretty good. My favorite thing to photograph are animals, but I generally take most pictures of people by request or pay. Judging by my deviantART account, my nature pics definitely get the most attention. Have you ever been a member of a gang before? Fuckin yikes, no. An infamous gang tried breaking into my childhood home once, so you can probably gather that I would never take part in their "big bad guys" bullshit. Have you ever felt like you were neither male nor female? No, I'm comfortable as a cisgender female. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? NO. Anything with raisins = NO. Do you think you’re attractive? No. Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No, not that I really passed notes to begin with. I'd be mortified, regardless of what it was about. Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? Arctic. Do you have an older brother? Yes. He's technically my half-brother, but I don't see "half"s. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Are your collarbones prominent? Bitch I wish so I could get the damn dermal piercings I've wanted for years. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? As a kid, yeah. So ugly. Do you love yourself? It's... weird. Therapy is making me realize that a part of me, maybe even the bigger one, doesn't, but at the exact same time, I know I have worth just like every other human. I just don't treat myself like I do. What TV shows do you keep up with? None, until Meerkat Manor returns this summer. :') When’s the last time it snowed where you live? A couple months ago we got a little bit of it. Is your belly button pierced? No, but it would be if I was actually skinny. Just in my personal opinion, I don't at all think that that piercing would look nice on someone as overweight as me. Even if my damn dreams come true and I lose all the weight I want, my stomach will never look "normal," even after I get the excess skin removal surgery that will be very high on my priority list for my own self-image that's been nothing but loathsome since 2016. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is the obvious answer. What do you remember the most about your childhood? Lots of imagination. Parents arguing. Playing with my little sister. What age did you get your first hair cut? I have no idea. Do you have a favourite toy from childhood still? No. I wish I hadn't gotten rid of it. Have you ever made bread? No. Would you ever consider shaving your head? Nah. Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible? Who says we don't now? Zombifying parasites already exist among insects and such, so like... it's not unimaginable to one day see one developed enough to infect humans. I sure as fuck hope not, but. What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) We have a dryer. Do you ever play the built-in games on your computer? Which ones? Nah. What was the last spontaneous thing you did? I did this many, many months ago, but I guess watch an episode of The Witcher by my own volition. I don't really do spontaneous things with how routine I am, but I had a random urge to check it out one morning. How loud can you whistle? Not very loud at all. Does anything on your body hurt or itch right now? My knees really hurt. They're getting worse. When was the last time you built a sandcastle? There's noooo telling, it's been many years. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No. Well, not a *real* one, anyway. Just the little ones for kids. If you had to appear on a game show, which one would you choose? Family Feud. What is your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? I absolutely stick to what I know. I am SO picky. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? I'm not immediately sure, but there's probably something. Do you bump into things often? Yes. I've always had this weird habit of like... drifting when I walk, so I do this easily. I just kinda wander to the sides a bit without realizing it. What design is on your calendar this year? I don't have a current one. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? I did. Do you feel uncomfortable going to the movies by yourself? Nah, not really. I did that with Warcraft and it was actually pretty chill. When thinking about your dream home, what do you think would be your favorite thing to shop for? The ~g o t h i c~ decor. Do you ever listen to those lo-fi hip hop/study music playlists on YouTube/Spotify? No. Are you likelier to work harder if you’re being paid? If not, what drives you to give your best effort? I mean, yeah. I'd assume that's pretty normal. Does the fashion sense of a potential partner matter to you? No. Is there anything that you prefer to write down rather than type? I'm unsure. If you download/torrent things, do you remember the first thing you ever torrented? Oh, the Limewire days of music pirating... but no, I don't remember. What was the last thing you posted on Instagram? Something photography-related, but I don't feel like checking. What do you wish your hair looked like? I wish I could pull off pastel pink hair rn. It also desperately needs a trim. Do you still feel anything for the first person you fell in love with? I'm sure I always will, at least a little. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Uhhhhh have I? I don't think so. Who’d you last see in a tux? Probably the groom of the last wedding I shot. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? No, but I used to do that big time because I loved "rewatching" stuff when I was on the computer. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? My mother, big time. Who’s the bravest person you know? Also my mother. Or Sara. What profession do you admire the most? Teachers might just win. The patience that must take, among so many other things. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No.