#i feel like nobody actually sees me as a man but as a ‘transman’. as some other category that’s completely different from cis guys

[beebmo]

people online act like being trans is such a beautiful wonderful thing and that it’s soooo amazing that you get to become the person you want to be or whatever but i honestly can’t see it as anything but a curse for me in particular

[cuntboyprincess]

(Disclaimer: This post shall in NO WAY sexualize a minor!!! It is simply a representation and explanation of one of my traumas and therefore my resulting kinks!)

I remember when I first came out to friends and my parents as trans when I was 12. I had very small-no breasts. SO much "damage" could have been prevented....

But I was not allowed to take blockers or do anything about it before I haven't turned 18.

I remember how absolutely traumatizing it has been to be so powerless and helpless as puberty hit me and when my body changed right before my eyes. My hips getting wider, getting my period, my breast getting huge. I have always been very thin and petite build, so my breast seemed extra big compared to the rest of my body even when they had a normal size. And there was no way to stop it. It didn't help that the boys at my school had a habit to grope girls every now and then to "check" if their breast have gotten bigger yet. I know it's sooo fucked up but I swear this really happened at my school and the teachers did nothing about it because "boys will be boys". The got lectured about how they shouldn't that but did it anyway...

I have been a victim several times to this and have been groped against my will by sometimes several guys in a row behind the school building as they were laughing about it, thinking it was nothing but funny. But to me it was more than humiliating since I was trans and my breasts made me highly dysphoric. It was sexual harrassment and bullying right before everyone's eyes and nobody stopped it, no teacher, no one.

It felt soooo horrible to have such obvious boobs. I was binding my breasts everyday by the age of 15, basically living as a tomboy but not officially outed as trans. One time one of the boys actually did pull my shirt up and another one holding me and pulling my binder up in front of 4 other boys, they all laughing about me and calling my boobs udders and jokingly gasping saying how huge they already are.

I was dying out of shame and it made my boobs my absolute biggest insecurity ever. I felt SO exposed wherever I went, I felt like everyone is staring at my chest..

When I was 17 and an end to it all seemed "nearer", I was not far away from turning 18 and being allowed to start t and have a double mastectomy; my boobs had to extra humiliate me one last time, as if they did it on purpose!!

They had a major growth spurt and within just a few months I outgrew my binder and had a D Cup. Which looked gigantic on my small, thin body. I will never forget how dysphoric they made me feel and the helplessness as they appeared bigger each week. I know it probably wasn't as bad but I basically FELT like a cow with huge milk tits in my body.

I was the happiest person alive when I finally turned 18 and when I finally got my mastectomy!!!

For years I had a major trauma by these experiences as you can imagine.

But eventually this turned into a hardcore kink, maybe it fucked me up mentally so much that this was the only way left to cope with it.

Nowadays I masturbate sooo often to these memories! And to thoughts of still having my huge, jiggling tits, people staring at me, at them, either laughing, looking disgusted, making fun or simply being confused about what I am (man or woman). Just being totally and helplessly exposed. I even bought big, realistic silicone tits with nipples on them, and a skin glue and pleasure myself for hours to groping them as I wear them and make them jiggle on me. Sometimes I contemplate ....wearing them and a thin tshirt where the nips are visible through it, walking around somewhere outside as they noticably and obviously bounce around, making sure some random people actually see me looking like an obvious transman who didn't have chest surgery yet, nor wears a bra... And then masturbate violently to their reactions and face expressions....

What gets me off so hard as well is the fact how much my bullies fucked me up and wondering what they'd say if they could see to what I masturbate to now and all the kinks I got from what they have done to me... 🥵

[chaifootsteps]

From transman to transman, does it bother you too when people draw transmasc characters with big jagged top scars? I feel like that's the only way people draw them and its so fucking annoying. It's ugly! Actual scars don't look like that! Usually if they do its an indication of poor recovery. It's almost insulting to draw them like that. It'd be like drawing all your transfems as hairy and muscular (not that its bad in itself to draw them like that, but ALL of them...?) Ugh idk. Usually its other transdudes I see drawing them like that, but that just bothers me more. Why make them so ugly and obvious? Is this your version of representation?

It's not a hill I'd die arguing against because sometimes top scars do end up looking wonky for reasons that are nobody's fault (mine still do, although they're starting to fade), but yeah, it's always been a pet peeve. The bigger and more jagged and uglier, the more I think people probably shouldn't.

When cis people do it, it feels like they're either genuinely unaware that a lot of top scars don't look like that or they know, they're just screaming at the top of their lungs that this is a trans man. It bothers me less when actual trans guys draw it but I always have it in the back of my head that "You...you do know that that isn't ideal, right? Like, it's not the norm?" I know when I saw art like that prior to getting top surgery, it scared the crap out of me.

Imperfect top scars in art? Fine. Trans guys looking like they got mauled by an actual bear? No.

[mueritos]

My favorite thing to see is when a trans man says "I love being a man, and it hurts that the queer community is so comfortable with misandry, which very often leads down a path of radical feminism/terfism" and the reply of the community is "But have you thought about My Feelings and that I have a right to say I Hate Men and I want to Kill All Men?"

I feel like cis queer women are suuuuper comfortable being shitty to trans men because they feel we're easier targets than cis men, and it often leads to a bunch of fucking racism! I follow enough trans moc to notice the pattern lmao

YUP!!! like i am NOT being a MRA fucking dilluting or gaslighting marginalized people about their violence and caution about men. we are simply asking for non men to understand how blanket statements about masculinity hurts transmen, butches, cis men and masculine leaning people. But they read that as an attack on feminism itself.

I have personally been experiencing a lot of vitriol by people online and close to me regarding masculinity and men, viewing both as inherently evil and predisposed to committing harm....as if non men arent just as capable of harm as anybody else. It's tiring being a transman being intentional and healthy about my masculinity. Nobody wants our masculinity, they just want us to continue talking about the misogyny we experience and not the misandry. They looove trans men until we actually talk about our malehood and experiences.

Not to mention any sort of biological essentialism is going to be tied to racism. It is inherent to racism; cranial measuring, genital measuring, facial features, skin color....that's all fucking racism.

[queeranarchism]

There and back again, a non-binary tale

Time for a longish personal trans story thing.

Back when I was transitioning, it was common for trans groups to have 0 non-binary people in it and for trans people to say that non-binary people were extremely rare and most people were solidly trans men or trans women. That was also something doctors said, and accessing transition care while non-binary was extremely difficult or simply impossible.

Some of that lingers today but it has gotten significantly less. Above all, non-binary visibility has skyrocketed. To a far greater extend than 10-20 years ago, trans people know that being non-binary is an option and can name a few non-binary people. Let me repeat that: the fact that trans people know that being non-binary is an option and can name a few non-binary people, is very recent.

Back when that wasn’t the case, non-binary trans people who needed physical changes often had a ‘there and back again’ kind of transition. They identified as or pretended to identify as a transman or transwoman, did the full transition that way and much later went on to identify as and present as non-binary from that new physical place.

So a non-binary person might first do the entire ‘trans woman’ transition and then start binding their chest and wearing suits and maybe using he/him pronouns. Or a non-binary person might first do the ‘trans man’ transition but then start presenting femme and maybe using she/her pronouns. That was pretty much my journey and the first fellow non-binary people I got to know had journeys like that. Not every non-binary person did that, but over the years I’ve met quite a few who did. 

And let me be clear: we were not ‘regretters’, even if some of us reversed a few physical changes. We were not ‘actually cis’. If anything, we were about the queerest, transest genderrebels you could imagine. We took the road that, according to most doctors and most trans people at the time, was forbidden, was too weird, was too queer.

This journey still happens. Some non-binary people still physically transition because know deeply that who they are meant to be is a very femme person in a testosterone shaped body, or a very masc person in an estrogen shaped body, etc. And that’s awesome as fuck. All my love to all those people. I feel a spark of kinship with people who shape their non-binary identity in that way.

But due to the very fortunate circumstances of increased acknowledgement of the existence of non-binary people, it seems to me that this journey has become less common. And as a ‘there and back again’ non-binary, I can’t help but feel a little bit sad about that sometimes. Back then, I hungered for other non-binary people, because it seemed like there was nobody like me. Now, I hunger for non-binary people who go on this particular journey, because it still feels like there is almost nobody like me.

So if it seems that I rail with a special kind of rage against people who try to group all trans people in ‘transmasc’ and ‘transfemme’, or assume that all ‘afab’ trans people have a specific kind of experience and a masculine gender representation while all ‘amab’ people have an entirely different experience and a feminine gender representation. (God, I hate those afab/amab words. they’re terrible), I am angry because that is the denial of the experiences of paradoxical, weird, there-and-back-again trans people. Which means it is a denial of me. And I have heard enough trans people tell me that my experience doesn’t exist to last two lifetimes. I’m done with that.

Not sure where I was going with this. I guess it’s a simple: let trans people be paradoxical. Let us be difficult to explain. Let us disturb your narratives. Let us go there and back again. Let us take estrogen and groom our beard. Let us inject testosterone and wear dresses every day. Let us change our pronouns again and again. Let us be as fluid as we happen to be. Let us transition more than once

& if you can’t see the beauty of all our paradoxes, leave us the fuck alone.

[j01-chester]

Zulius and Shipping

Hi there and welcome to my first post on my secondary that isn't a repost of any kind, this post is basically my stance on Zulius and the topic of shipping, I don't really mind if nobody sees this, it's just a lil important to me I suppose! So my stance on Zulius and his sexuality and shipping huh, well!! For one I believe that Zulius is 100% a queer man, specifically a feminine gay male, but in terms of shipping here's my stance.

I don't ship him with anyone nor do I personally like the idea of him being with anyone, I do believe he and splendib were possibly exes but nothing beyond that (like I don't believe they like eachother anymore, I believe they're very much just bitter exes). Why do I not like the idea of him being with anyone, well I'll explain my various reasons now!

He's perfectly fine the way he is

For one I don't think he has any problems with the way he is, and I personally don't think his character needs any changes, he's fine the way he is and I think that's what matters in fact I think this point stands for everyone in Centaurworld, the show isn't exactly a romance and I just cannot see anyone dating without it being some kind of one episode gag like that one episode with sunfishmerguy besides that I just can't see it especially with the tone of the episode and I'm especially against them dating anyone in their herd because their herd is basically coded siblings with a single mom and that just gives me a super icky feeling and they've out right been called as much too, like derpulton calling them family, wammawink essentially calling them that, and I'm definitely sure they've been called that other times too or like when water baby told Wammawink she did good with the herd as if complimenting how she raised her kids idk it just gives me a big nasty feeling seeing people ship adopted siblings if you get what I mean. I know 99% of the fandom don't ship the characters but this post is mainly about the people who do. It just gives off an uncomfortable feeling and it's just important for people to remember adopted and found family is just as much family as biological family, in fact that's literally one of the main themes of the show, that family comes in all shapes and sizes and even though they might not look like it, the herd IS a family.

It kind of goes against what he stands for

A good line I like to think of when thinking about Zulius is "Ha, I don't need a thing. You can't improve on perfection" when offered to go to the tree shamans to request for something he needs. He's happy the way he and his life currently is and I honestly like that a lot. Characters are always wanting something or aren't happy with their lives or themselves for some reason or another and just being himself is enough for Zulius he doesn't need anything or anyone else but his family to be happy and I think that's such a sweet message to give to kids! That being you is enough and you don't need to date people or to change yourself for people in anyway to be good enough for others.

You can be perfectly happy without dating anyone

I feel like this is very important to say not just for this post but for anyone who needs to hear it, you don't need people to date you to love yourself, you're wonderful just the way you are and that's really important to remember! Coming from a Demipanromantic transman who has stopped dating I can tell you I've grown to appreciate myself more and I've felt a lot happier once I stopped dating and took a step back to just appreciate myself for who I was after I stopped and I think that's super applicable to Zulius, I think he's a raw example of, you don't need to be in love or to date someone to be happy, as long as you're yourself that's enough! Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with people who do date, but I honestly think the message that Zulius gives off to people intentional or not is super beautiful and very important for kids especially in this era where dating and love and romcom shows are everywhere and you needing to date someone to be happy is forcefully shoved into your face!

Not every queer character needs a love interest

This is something that doesn't apply to just Zulius but queer characters in general, you don't HAVE to be with anyone just because you're queer, yes! Queer representation is good, but you can represent queer people without having them date people, and I think people are just using that as an easy way out so it makes me so happy that this show isn't just taking the easy way out and is putting the effort in to represent him in other ways, it just is something you don't see often and I think it's just something people should think about more y'know?

One more thing!

This didn't really fit in any category so I just thought I'd shove it in here but I see people shipping him with characters because of the way he speaks or words he uses to people and it's just important to remember that a lot of queer folks use certain words and it's kind of uncomfortable to see people take them and twist them into something romantic, for example, in one episode he says babes, but I know multiple queer people including myself that use words like babe, girlie, girlboss, sister, queen and other words to anyone INCLUDING family, words like these aren't exclusively romantic, and they can be said to anyone from friends to siblings of any gender so please keep that in mind when saying stuff like that because seeing stuff we say being twisted to be made exclusively romantic is actually kind of uncomfortable, I know I don't speak for all queer people but I do know multiple of my other LGBT friends would or do agree with it, it's just kind of not fun to see phrases, words and terminology being twisted to mean something they don't, I get to some people it can mean a totally different thing and that's fine!! But the way Zulius used it was very blatantly not romantic haha,,!!

But yeah that's all I have to say and if you don't agree or anything I'm not gonna complain or anything, I doubt anyone will see this I just needed to let it all out haha, but if you do see this!! Thank you for taking the time to read it <3

[spacegaywritings]

A manly man - Oneshot

edited 26th MAY: pronouns, spelling, shortening sentences, replacing words

Summary:  ftm Roman is on his period and it hurts and sucks. Vulnerable and disgusted, he cuddles up to his soulmate who always understands him. Remus is always there to assure xyr better half and make sure he knows he is loved - and a strong and manly man. Remus uses xe/they!

Tags: menstruation stuff, trans character /trans Roman, remrom, romantic /platonic incest (if you wanna see it like this), gender roles (mention) 

ao3 link

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story under this cut!:

Roman dragged himself over to his bed, sinking into the soft mattress and sliding under the cool sheets.

 They would be warm soon, he told himself. It would just be a couple of moments until then, he assured his body.

 The adolescent was shivering and overall felt like a truck had run over his entrails but left him to look just as dashing as usual - if not a tad paler than his average appearance.

He was sick to his stomach, his nausea sitting so deep in him and piling up as much as to actually reside in his throat as well. His whole body was sore, heavy and simply dirty inside and outside.

 He was frail.

Breakable.

He felt more vulnerable than he had ever been in his life and it was humiliating to ... to be.. to .. to b-bleed!

 It was an audacity to have him suffer like this! He was a prince, a man made to romance and charm people, to change the world and end misery for any and all people.

Instead he was stuck in his bed, by now curled up in his own puddle of horror and bad feelings. He was swimming in dysphoria and shivers of disgust.

 A soft knock could be heard at his door.

Roman snuggled deeper into his bed, trying to just sink into the mattress enough to actually disappear into the safety of softness.

 No humans, no creatures at all, just cotton and filling and feathers or whatever there was in mattresses.. Hemp and all. Things, just sleepy things.

 His throat produced a sound.

 Roman was not sure what kind of sound it was. It sounded raw, real. It was like a theatrical performance of the worst crisis the hero had to go through in a tragedy such as MacBeth.

The sound was probably enough to invite the person on the other side of the wood to come in and right after it, the door was slowly pushed open to reveal the vulnerable blanket burrito to Remus.

 “Princey, you okay?”

 Remus pushed inside, their back leaning against the door until it closed. Their arms sported another set of blankets and a hot water bottle. There was a backpack perched up on xyr shoulders.

 The suffering wanna-be royal curled further into his all-time low and let out another sound of agony.

 “Aw, my knight, I am here now. I got more blankets~”, xe offered with a little pose to show off the inviting sight of desired warmth.

There was a hot water bottle in their blanketed hand and a mischievous grin playing on xyr lips.

 The blanket burrito shifted a bit, just enough to move from the middle of the bed to the side which Remus took as signal that there was enough space for another person.

 “Hey hey, hey hey hey hey hey hey!”, they started as they moved over to the side of the bed that was now free for him to join their lovely Roman on.

Another non-verbal sound of mild annoyance came from the tall figure under the sheets and Remus simply took the invitation to go on with xyr announcement.

 Xe leaned in.

They whispered.

 “You know what?”, xe continued, carefully arching xyr back to get even closer to Roman. Xyr voice dipped into a sound that edged on conspiracy, on riot and schemes, “I got snacks for you. They are almost as sweet as you.”

 They flashed him a smile and slid under the covers, rudely inviting the cool outside into Roman’s happy safety for a moment but the hot water bottle was immediately in place to aid him and make up for the incredulous intrusion they had dared to start off with.

Roman hugged the hot bottle against his stomach, slowly shifting it lower to his cramping and screaming abdomen.

 At once, a little sigh of relief stole itself onto his features. His body visibly relaxed, muscles loosening, his whole posture being less tightly wrapped up in the mess of sheets he had created by now.

 Part two was now in place.

 Remus was giggling as xe made xyrself at home with another big blanket immediately joining the two and covering them up.

The fluffy fabric spread over the two.

The smaller one carefully lowered themself to press a little smooch to the top of Roman’s head.

 “Hey there, my prince”

 Xe smiled.

 Despite his sour mood, Roman could not help but feel his heart flutter and lips immediately twitching into the slightest hint of a smile.

Remus noted the change with a soft smile as they gently tugged Roman’s head into their lap and started stroking through his soft curls.

 Xe loved how velvet the ginger mess of Roman’s hair was. It was like a child imagined clouds to feel like. Fluffy, adorable, simply a dream to cuddle.

 “Mhmmmm...Rem...”, he hummed groggily.

 They whistled back in reply and quickly moved just enough to reach their backpack and get their hands into it. Xyr hands slung around a small bottle of lemon juice which was quickly handed over to Roman.

 “Got you the good shit, right here. This will kill your fucking sicky-ew, so we can have some snacks for you. I got films to watch on my shitty stupid tablet and nobody can take that from us.”

 Remus carefully uncapped the bottle and held the bottle for their soulmate to drink from it. Roman did, like the good boy he was and Remus gently brushed through his curly, short hair.

 They started watching a little show after that, just cuddling up and hugging while Remus pressed a few kisses here and there to Roman’s pained face.

Eventually, the sick man drifted off in the arms of Remus and to the sounds of some off cartoon show playing in the background. Xe held the prince-to-be close and allowed xyrself to actually doze off along.

  ***

 It was a few minutes later when Roman stirred the slightest bit, immediately alarming his datemate to wakeup and pull him closer to their chest.

 Remus grumbled and immediately wrapped xyr arms around the living stuffie that was the manly Roman. This time, he was fighting back a bit.

Softly, innocently, he shoved Remus away, gently nudging them aside with soft violence.

 “Not nooow”, he whined as he fought to get out of the sleepy gremlin’s grip. It was more of a challenge than one would expect. Honestly, Remus was kind of strong with their stupid arms of an athlete.

 What did xe do again? Roman was not in the right mind to remember but he was sure it was some kind of really gay dancing shit which was why Remus was able to lift him up with little effort.

Surprisingly, Roman was still a bit stronger in his arms and legs but not so in his back and overall ability to keep up body tension. He was not made for this kind of stuff. Right now he was just sweaty and icky and ugly.. so so ugly and disgusting that he needed to get up and change.

 His miserable state was less after his meds had kicked in and he had gotten some juice to ease his once so upset stomach.

A small smile appeared on his lips and he gave in for a minute.

 “Rem, I need to .. I need to go”, he defended himself as the smaller CHONK of human wrapped their limbs around him in pure spite and loving spirit.

Xe grumbled but xyr arms seemed to loosen around the regal idiot just enough to give him the heartbreaking permission to leave, despite the pain it caused Remus to be abandoned so harshly, so rudely, so absolutely col-

 Aaaand Roman was gone.

 Remus whined after him but tried not to complain too much and instead swallowed the needy sounds.

Why were they the clingy one and not Roman? Being clingy was work , it was exhaustive and it required someone to always be with them to fulfil their need to be somewhat physically touched every now and then.

It was too bad Roman did not have so much for touch as Remus did but they made it work.

 Somewhat luckily, shark week was the time during which Remus got more cuddles and Roman allowed himself to be more “vulnerable” and show his general soft side as a man.

 Maybe it was a downside of people generally hugging him less ever since he came out.. people being more physically distant and giving him the feeling it was “unmanly” and “weak” to hold hands, to cuddle and snuggle and have stuffies or emotional attachments and such.

 Ridiculous, if you asked Remus. But their gender-non-conforming lifestyle was already speaking up against Roman’s insecure heart enough to invalidate their argument, subjectively.

Even xyr pronouns were so strange, so new and out there.

 Roman would always argue he was outstanding and proud but at the same time, he would not dare to do anything that could obstruct how he was perceived by other people.

Being anything but cis was a whole struggle but being a transman was probably another level of difficult.

 Remus did not have any “gender roles” to fulfil in order for people to be more inclined to use their pronouns correctly. Usually, they just did not and Remus would proudly suggest “it/its” pronouns. Other wanted to devalue xem with these but xe loved this set of pronouns and would never back down from people who thought they could hurt xyr gender identity and change xem in any way. You know, make them right, straighten them out so they would be “normal” again.

 Roman, on the other hand, had people tell him he was not allowed to use restrooms unless his genitalia was “right”.

Shark week made the whole struggle more present.

When people always invalidate your whole existence and sometimes even intentionally used your weak spots and insecurities against you, it would eventually wear you down enough to be affected. No matter what Roman did, it would be written up to him doing it because he was a transman.

 “Oh, is this because you are a “man” now?”

“Of course you would want to do this so you can try to look manly like the others”

 All those words have been enough for Remus to start fights left and right and they would always do it again for their golden boy. Not that Roman knew. Roman hated being protected.

 Roman was the knight in this story. He was the ace of hearts, the soldier of the forgotten and protector of the oppressed. Remus should be the one to need protection.. but maybe that would be too much to ask for.

None of them really needed it.

Remus was just sick of hearing people hollering their transphobic bullshit around, especially at xyr prince.

 “Rem?”

 Roman was standing in the door, leaning against its frame with tired eyes and a pale face. As much as Remus tried to enjoy a needy handful of boyfriend but the bitter taste of conditions always came with it.

 “Finally, my prince has come”

 Xe breathed out in relief and opened xyr arms.

Roman immediately abandoned the door frame and threw himself onto the bed with a little skip over the bed frame. He landed all over Remus, knocking over the cup that used to hold lemon juice and also involuntarily pushing the tablet further away.

 He was giggling a bit, just a slight shadow of a smile tickling his features as he threw his arms around his datemate’s neck and quickly pulled them further down with him.

 “You are silly, Rem”, Roman commented.

 Xe shook xyr head.

 “You are my prince. You always have been and always will be this prince of my dreams”, they insisted stubbornly as they brushed their index and middle finger over his throat.

“I did not know how much I needed you until you came for me and swept me right out of my dumpster.”

 He blushed and nudged Remus away with his elbow but he still slid back into xyr lap. His mouth was producing sounds like the ones meant to silence a child but he was just seeking the comfort of a hiding spot to cover up the bright red blush on his cheeks.

He carefully buried his face in Remus’s little fat roll of a tummy.

 “You were an abomination of a human being when we met”, he remarked with a muffled voice.

 Roman was right. 

 Everyone saw Remus in the light of society's strict rules. They identified xem as a man rather than the gender-defying riot xe was. 

They dumpster-dove, yes, to recover packaged and completely fine groceries thrown away by big companies because they weren't allowed to sell it or give it away. They indeed broke rules and tagged walls but Remus had shown Roman the art of graffiti and the roots of it. Xe had proved xyrself to be more than a societal disgrace but instead be a considerate person to never litter and live a highly principled life instead. Not one restricted by society.

 Honestly, Roman was probably more likely to accidentally endanger others due to his impulsive and defiant behaviour while Remus was genuinely trying their best to always think of others. People just took it to be offensive when Remus was late to school because they helped a worm cross the street or started a spontaneous sit-in because of speeders on school property. 

 Everyone thought xe was a slacker, someone looking for attention with xyr pronouns and identity. Even their names was seen as "too extra". 

 "I'm sorry", xe mumbled and carefully tilted his head just enough to glance up at xyr datemate. 

 "I - I didn't mean that in a bad way. That was mean to say" 

 He cleared his throat to justify his inconsiderate comment. He was a lover, not a fighter! It was his duty to protect Remus and not play into the mean nicknames used by bullies against xyrs whole being. 

  One of his favourite things about the embodiment of chaos was this: Instead of getting mad ,they just shook their head with a giggle. 

 "You tickle me, Roro", xe started with a snicker, "your words are endearing to me ~" 

 Roman furrowed his brows. A smile fought onto his lips. 

Remus wasn't as insecure about themself as he was. Nothing seemed to ever hurt xem. 

 "You're the best, Rem. You really are" 

 Roman cuddled back to the little fat roll of Remus when an idea hit him. 

Slowly, his fingers crept up to their sides and, once in reach, immediately ran up and down their skin. 

 "Wh-", Remus began with a surprised gasp. 

 It was too late. 

 Squips and squeaks escaped the trash goblin as Roman's fingers played xyr giggles like a fiddle. The pal was writhing and twitching, vividly moving and trying to escape the tickling fingers. 

 But the Prince wasn't just a great royal and soulmate, he was also an amazing hunter. He knew when to change his angle, switch positions and shift to another spot on Remus' vulnerable body. 

They were a treasure book of sensitive skin. Almost any and all gentle touches sent xem into a giggling fit. 

 The smaller pal was curling into themself, laughter ever-persistent and body still vibrating in excitement and occasional snickers that echoed from xyr throat even after Roman retracted his fingers. 

Remus was but a little ball of giggles by now, their existence reduced to nothing but amusement and little tears from being so ecstatic. 

 On top of that, xyr prince was smiling at xem with this softness on his features.. Not even kid's cartoons could be that soft and gentle. It was a Roman-only phenomenon. 

Remus breathed, the burning lungs in their ribcage thirsting after the sweet relief of oxygen at last. Slowly, coordinated breaths in and out were managed and only occasional giggles stole their breath while Roman patted their face softly. 

 "You okay there?" 

The pal simply leaned into the touch with an approving hum. Xyr eyes closed and xe patted the space next to xem. 

 "I'm glad you're better, Roro" 

 He cuddled back up to his soulmate and took the trashy being into his superior, gay arms. A squeak could be heard, like a mouse finally finding the cheese it's been destined to achieve in its life. 

Remus sniffed happily and hugged back, melting into the embrace their Roman offered. The caramel soft embrace only two parts of a whole would ever be able to understand. 

 "Rem?", Roman whispered, softer than the late night spring breeze rustling the blooming trees right now, "Are you okay?" 

 Remus stubbornly pushed their head against Roman's collarbone and simply tugged - or rather: repeatedly attempted to tug - the blanket over the two instead of bothering to answer this daring question. 

Xyr grappling hands eventually calmed down when Roman shifted to pull the blanket completely over them and even covered their curious faces with the soft fabric Remus had brought over. It even smelled of xem, Roman remarked with a small tad of surprise in his thoughts. He only now realised, when the blanket covered their faces.

 It was the moment of realising you had more money in your bank account than anticipated which meant you weren't as broke as expected, unusually so. 

... It was a nice surprise and filled Roman with the comfort of nostalgia and affection. 

 "It's okay, Rem", Roman reminded them " I'll always have you - as you'll always have me, you little cryptid." 

 They hummed. 

 "My man", xe mumbled into his chest, voice low and unusually shy. 

 "My one and only prince. My manly prince." 

 Roman's cheeks turned a regal shade of red as he snuggled his beloved idiot closer. 

Why would they say that now, he wondered but refused to ask. Never would the man turn down unexpected bouts of validation. 

 His chest harboured fireworks inside. Little tingly sparks of warmth tickling him, fondling him ever so gently from the inside. 

A dream kissed his creation and glitter blessed his actions. 

 Literal kisses. 

Actual kisses. 

Little smooches dripped and dropped onto his face. His whole facial features were soon ravished by the precipitation of Remus' intense wave of affection. 

 Smooches arrived at his jawline, little pecks graced his eyes that immediately shut with a hesitant giggle. 

More and more little softness was spilled all over his head. The little curls were kissed deeply with a dutiful smile in the dedicated face of Remus, the appreciation of all art that was xyr beloved Roman. 

 He shook his head, shaking the kisses off only to receive more little butterflies and tickles of lips along with whispered praises spreading all over his cheeks. 

 "You're my hero" 

 Not a single spot of facial skin was left without the warming enlightenment of their bundled up love. 

 "My one and only royalty" 

 Remus nuzzled his neck. 

 "If you were my king, I wouldn't overthrow your government unless you were really really mean", they promised sheepishly. 

 Roman's heart fluttered its wings of love like a Kolibri. 

 "You'd be the least favourite of all my people ", Roman retorted with equally diabetic sweetness in his words, "because I'd never want you to be below me." 

 Remus wiped xyr puffy eyes and blinked. 

 "That's a dumb pick-up line", they remarked with a flustered hint of dismay in their eyes. 

"Just make me equal then, so I can be your favourite like I'm meant to be." 

 Roman tugged at Remus and quickly rolled on top of them with little effort, only stopping when he was on Remus' other side and got to kiss the hidden sharpness of their cheekbones. 

 " Remember that I'm your man ~", he sang in response. 

 The two continued to tease each other, softly exchanging little smooches and kisses to litter only with love in this wide world that was the other to each of them and them only. 

 They ended up sharing the snacks and juice Remus had brought over. 

Before supper came, they were snuggled up and dozing off contently in the worry-free state of comatose sugar overdoses. Love nibbled at their dreams and palms found each others backs as the two slept through the evening. 

 In the background, Mulan was running on Remus' forgotten tablet. 

[discyours]

Do you call yourself "trans" just because you live "as a man" and prefer to be recognized as such? Cuz if trans people actually defined themselves like that, I don't get why it's pissing most of them off that we refer to them as their biological sex when necessary. I mean, as long as nobody's outed or put in danger, I don't know what's wrong with calling a "transwoman" a man or a "transman" a woman... Of course there's dysphoria sometimes, but in more general discussions what would be the pb??

I call myself trans because because I deal with my dysphoria by aiming to look as male as possible, and generally succeed enough to “pass”. I think “living as a man” is a pretty inaccurate term, and one I’ll only use with a ton of airquotes around it while discussing my dysphoria with my psychologist. 

I’m one trans person, not “trans people”. My view on gender is extremely different than the vast, vast majority of trans people’s. 

It pisses most trans people off to be referred to as their biological sex because it simply hurts their feelings, and I don’t mean that in a condescending way. When you don’t understand the radfem perspective and know that most people who aren’t “terfs” are just fine with referring to you as a man, it seems like people who refuse to are just hurting your feelings for no reason. Of course, it’s entirely possible to understand the radfem perspective but to disagree with it and then believe that people are hurting your feelings for bullshit reasons, but in my experience the vast majority of non-radfems have a very limited understanding of the way radfems think.

Most people who aren’t radfems and have no connection to the trans community largely base their perception of men vs women on aesthetics. Your average Joe might believe that trans women are men because, in his understanding, they “look like men”. But upon seeing trans women who, to him, look more like conventionally attractive women than crossdressing men, Joe is often quite likely to change his mind. Joe isn’t used to seeing masculine women at all, letalone women who have facial hair and essentially no female secondary sex characteristics. Transitioned trans men don’t fit Joe’s idea of what a woman looks like in the slightest, so upon seeing one Joe is pretty likely to agree that trans men are men. 

That’s what trans people are used to from outsiders. So when radfems assert that trans men are women and refuse to change their minds upon being presented with a picture of someone who goes far beyond Joe’s initial idea of a girl who stuffs her hair into a hat and wears lots of jeans, it feels like an insult. It feels like you’re insistent that all trans men are still just little girls hiding their hair away, and since they know that that’s not what they are it again seems like malice. Being called a woman by radfems only started becoming less painful to me when I realised that their idea of woman extended to people who may, to others, look male, that calling me a woman wasn’t necessarily asserting that I am visibly female in any way. And when I realised that there’s an actual purpose behind acknowledging biological sex, that it wasn’t just blunt honesty for the sake of it. 

Dysphoria is also far less minor than you’re making it out to be. Being called a woman can genuinely feel like a kick in the gut, even to me, even still. You can say to that that your feelings are your own responsibility and I will wholeheartedly agree with you, which is why I’m trying to become okay with it and why you don’t see me introducing myself with he/him pronouns, letalone enforcing them to anyone. But feelings are still there. They are very much real to the people experiencing them and justified or not, they affect people’s actions. Including trying to enforce certain language so you won’t trigger them, including labeling you a transphobe if you don’t comply. Mental illnesses feel fucking unfair, and it’s extremely easy to externalise that and blame other people for it, especially when you’re surrounded by a community that makes you feel like you’re in the right for it. 

I obviously don’t think it’s right, but since you said you didn’t understand there’s your explanation. A little understanding goes a long way, even if it doesn’t lead you to change your actions (which I don’t think you owe to anyone). 

[old-aout-save]

Reidentified woman

Frequently asked question that I will leave the very long response to here, “How did you go from being deeply entrenched in gender ideology and mainstream transactivism to being what many would call a terf?’

Here’s my first draft, not super coherent but I’ll probably edit it down at some point: You may notice it getting less coherent as it goes on lol

Basically a lot of stuff just didn’t add up and I couldn’t maintain that level of cognitive dissonance.

Sexuality: –If sexuality is about an inner sense of “gender” and not what sex people are, how and why have homosexual relationships have been and are still persecuted? –Doesn’t it make everyone bisexual? If everybody can be attracted to anyone who looks like anything as long as they “identify” as the “gender” they are attracted to, what even defines sexuality? How can you be attracted to a gender? As in, what’s the difference between a male who calls himself a man and a male who calls himself a woman who both look the same that would supposedly cause a lesbian to be attracted to the later but not the former? –Is it possible for a woman to be only attracted to vulva? To be not attracted to any dick ever? Surely it has to be possible, claiming it’s not possible sounds exactly like forcing women to like dick, denying their own attractions and how they know themselves. Claiming everyone must like dick. That’s fucked up! And that’s what happens when sexuality is about “gender” instead of sex. Sexuality being about sex just makes sense, it makes the categories of heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual have actual meanings –What rights do a male and female in a relationship lose if the female identifies as a man? They are still legally allowed to have sex, get married, and be together in public, all the privileges that come with a heterosexual relationship. Is it not wrong to claim that that relationship is homosexual? Doesn’t it make a cruel joke out of the actual gay experience? –It just kept sounding like sick conversation therapy to hear gay people called horrible names and bigots for saying that they are only attracted to the same sex. Especially those posts about how gay people can “learn” how to love/enjoy sex with a trans partner Sexism –No one could provide a solid explanation for why it’s alright for a male to claim to be female but bad for a white person to claim to be black –No one could provide a solid definition of woman. If anyone who “feels” like a woman is a woman, what does it feel like to be a woman? Do little girls forced into marriage and fgm all “feel” like girls? Do the women who experience acid attacks and sex trafficking “feel” like women? How is it not sexist for men to say “I always liked playing with barbie and I want to have long hair and wear makeup, therefore I must be a woman” or worse “I’m quiet and prefer doing my nails to sports so I must be a woman” They are taking stereotypes and making them the definition of woman. –I realized, there are as many different ways to be, look like, have interests, act, feel, dress like, a woman as there are adult human females on this earth. The only thing you can say all women have in common, is being born female, otherwise it’s just sexist. –Socialization is a thoroughly studied subject. Trans identified males still commit crimes at the same rate as other males, not at the same rate as women. If there is one way to “act like a man” science says so far the way to do that is to be violent, and transwomen fit the bill. Basically no scientific reason that having dysphoria actually makes someone the opposite “gender” or sex. –Following the last point, I kept seeing information on women’s spaces being taken away. If transwomen were “women” theres still plenty of evidence that being female-bodied is an axis of oppression. And yet, any female only spaces are continuing to be taken away, they don’t care about female oppression and deny it even exists. Transwomen wanting access to female-only spaces just displays their male entitlement even more, goes to show they aren’t women. –For example, bathrooms, prisons, sports. Women fought for these spaces and now men are invading them, and we can objectively see it’s causing harm and danger to women and girls. Even if transwomen were women, they would still have male socialization, and be literally physically male, and that would still make them dangerous to women. –The way transwomen sexual predators are treated. They are treated like victims as well, people defend using women pronouns for them and criticize you for not doing the same before they criticize the transwoman. They are still famous. Or, people claim that those weren’t “real” trasnwomen. Which makes me think, how do you tell the difference? How do you tell who to let into the bathroom then? And really, no true scotsman fallacy. –The way they claim an inverted penis is the same as a vagina. It shows a deep carelessness for the true nature of female biology, what it’s meant for. It shows they think of vaginas as just sockets to have sex with and nothing more.

The way Dysphoria is treated –The checklists to take to see if someone is trans are the exact criteria you could use to tell if someone is gay or will grow up to be gay –Statistics show that children who are very nonconforming and uncomfortable in puberty will most likely grow up to be gay. Transing these kids seems like a way to make them straight, like how gay people are forced to transition in Iran. –In the community any questioning of one’s “gender” is met with You’re Trans. This doesn’t account for the fact that gender roles is what’s used to oppress women, to make them weak, small, submissive, restricted. Of course women are uncomfortable with their gender! Also consider that all sex characteristics of women are plastered all over the place in ads, movies, music videos, extremely sexualized, degraded, objectified, ogled by everyone. So of course women develop in puberty and then feel like they Don’t Want that, they don’t want to be a walking object! Breasts for many women are a cage, a sign that you are for male consumption, it’s hard to be reminded of being a woman in this society. But transactivism doesn’t care about that. If you question the norm, you’re actually a man. –The community is full of ways to get transition materials Fast without questioning the other reasons for dysphoria and without trying other methods of  recovering from dysphoria. They say, if you have dysphoria you must be trans. No one says, talk therapy can help you recover from dysphoria the same way it could help you recover from anorexia. Just change yourself! –By getting materials Fast I mean, access to binders, hrt, and surgeries. They tell 14 year olds how to buy binders and encourage them to do it without encouraging them to talk to older butch women, older dysphoric women, detransitioned women, anybody. They don’t talk about how even binding “safely” can still cause permanent damage, about how optimally a person should be able to love their body just the way it is. They talk about how to get hrt without even having to see a therapist, about how young it’s possible to get hrt. How young it’s possible to get a mastectomy. While you’re young do it now as soon as you can never talk to a therapist go for it! –How detransitioned people are treated as never having been trans, as never having been truly dysphoric, as people who are trying to trick you and deceive you into denying your true trans nature, as people who are denying their true trans identity in the same way that christian homosexuals are denying their homosexuality. They act like saying therapy should be the first option is the same as trying to “pray the gay away”. –Hrt and surgery is treated as glamorous and the details are hidden. Just take “top surgery” and “bottom surgery” for example. Never “mastectomy” or “colo-vaginoplasty”. Experiences in my life that added to what I saw in the news –I was identifying as a “gay trans man” for a while. I have/had dysphoria and have been dating a man. What basically never made sense to me was that we could go out in public, get married, etc and never face any discrimination. So what makes our relationship gay? Furthermore,  homophobes I met were perfectly fine with us dating. Even after they found out I identified as a man, they didn’t care that we were dating or see it as a sin, they just hoped I’d learn to accept myself one day. What they care about though? That my boyfriend is bisexual. Because Same Sex Attraction is what makes someone gay or bi, it’s what homophobic people hate. They were against my boyfriend’s same sex attraction, not his supposed same “gender” attraction. –A transman in a support group I went to would complain that people don’t see her (heterosexual) relationship as gay! imagine that, complaining that people view you as a straight couple, a safe, socially accepted, straight couple. –I saw a gender therapist and basically said I hate my breasts and enjoy being referred to and seen as a man, and she was like “that’s valid” and told me where I could get hrt. I could have even gotten hrt without having to see a gender therapist, as an 18 yer old! That was 11 months ago, and look how much as changed. If I had decided to take hrt, I would have regretted it so soon, simply because I have since been given actual information on the topic. 18 is really not old enough to make that decision, especially when the trans community has so much thought control and discourages questioning. I needed a therapist who could talk to me about the pain of being a woman in this society, about Why I want to be a man and not just accept “I feel like it” as an answer. In summation, so many questions I had but nobody could answer or would just call me a terf for even asking, so much blatant sexism and homophobia. It just didn’t add up.