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hostilemuppet · 9 months ago

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Saw the JD & Floyd post and was about to say “Maybe he should” but then it just made me sad. Like damn he cares about his family to the detriment of himself, what does that say about his relationship with Creek. I think I remember you writing something about Floyd realizing he’s genuinely fallen in love with him.

you want me to show how much thought ive put into tdau floyd? the funny cokehead with commitment issues? the guy who posts thirst traps out of spite? okay (keep in mind that most of this is just what *I* think and hasnt been cleared with alex, but when i write for floyd its genuinely what i consider in the back of my mind)

i think he was 13 y/o when he went out on his own (1999), began seeing the rest of the troll tree for himself, until he finally escaped on his own at around 15 (2001), a year before the entire tribe was evacuated (2002). he hitch hiked a bit and got to see a bunch of tribes but he only really got to see techno reef and volcano rock city, staying in vrc a lot longer (LONG before barb was in power and turned rocks view on pop from "they fucked up a really long time ago but were safe from them now" to "we need to colonise them back") and discovering a lot about himself in the process

he turned 18 (2004) and, as most ex-child stars do, immediately went IN on hard drugs and sex with strangers, as if thats the test for proving your adulthood. and he had a good time! he spent most of his life drugged to the gills and unable to look himself in the mirror the rare moments he was sober, but, yknow. details. then he got bored. and he went travelling again

at the age of 20 (2006) he left troll kingdom entirely. obviously he stayed CLEAR of bergen town (and silently prayed to whatever god pop trolls typically believe in that his family were safe and undigested). but he saw all sorts of places! places we havent seen yet, with species we havent seen yet, of extremely varying sizes! hell, he mightve met a species or two that are smaller than trolls! imagine that. but spending years travelling, it gets lonely. he never got to connect with anyone. hell, he never even had a real boyfriend! the most he had was that situationship he had that lasted 5 weeks before he got ghosted when that techno troll got back with his girlfriend. (its okay though, he channels his pain into his art, and that was one became his most popular song on bandcamp by a significant margin!)

at 27 years old (2013) he arrived in mount rageous. sure, they were huge, and he was terrified of being eaten, obviously. but they didnt want to eat him! they thought he was cute. and, he wont lie, he liked the attention. he became a novelty, that tiny little creature with his even tinier guitar, who apparently built up such a tolerance he can handle mount rageon drugs. imagine doing blow with stewert little. they loved him, as entertainment. he still didnt have anyone who loved him as a person, but at that point he was willing to settle.

when hes 36 (2023) he gets kidnapped by velvet & veneer, and of course no one thought to look for him. you wouldnt notice if the mouse in your house suddenly went missing. at most youd think someone you live with finally took care of it, and youd move on with your life.

the events of the movie happen, hes reunited with his siblings, he actually feels valued as a person again, AND to top it all off, those two months in the bottle did WONDERS for detoxing. next time he tries pop troll coke he actually feels a buzz! he never thought hed see the day!

brozone reunite, we see the early days of their career carry out in the au. floyd feels like hes on top of the world. hes got his family back, hes back in pop village (albeit, its a different pop village than he knew. hell, they used to all it troll village back then!) hes releasing actual music again, and not just busking for tips (its okay he didnt need much, he rented out a mouse hole for cheap). but he wants an actual connection. he wants a relationship. but hes never actually had that! hes never even felt respected by a potential partner! so he goes back to random hookups. and, yknow, its fun, he guesses. but he wants more

the first troll who seems to actually take interest in him as anything more than a hot piece of ass or "that guy from brozone" rocks his world. hes ashamed to admit that after knowing the guy for 3 hours he already thought about spending the rest of his life with him. he just wasnt used to being spoken to like a person by anyone other than immediate family members! its okay though, he couldnt scare him off, because he was being paid to be there, and after recording himself getting in floyds pants (the only way he knows how to show affection at this point) it was all over the internet

so, you know, obviously floyd wasnt doing great. hes gotten good at hiding his feelings (not like anyone really cares about them anyway) but he was clearly struggling. he did what he does best, and turned it into a joke, so maybe itd hurt a little less. he probably made it worse, but at least he was numb now. he goes back to hookups, deciding hell never have an actual boyfriend, hell never get married, and hes okay with that. well, hes clearly not, but its not like anyone ever asked, so he has to deal.

then he meets creek. and at this point hes not stupid. hes not that naive little kid anymore, and when he wakes up the next morning and realises his newest one night stand was that guy, the asshole, the one who everyone hates, he knows hes the butt of the joke, again. theres probably a camera, again. he leaves before creek wakes up.

but then he meets him again, a few days later. and creek says how much of a shame it is he never got his digits. and floyd doesnt know what to make of this. but he knows he shouldnt trust him. he heard everything riff said about him, everything BRANCH said about him. he knows every one of creeks crimes. but maybe he just wants to have some fun, yknow? everyones always fucking with him, maybe he wants to play around sometime. show the world hes not some little helpless doll.

what follows is about a year and a half of gay chicken on expert mode. creek pretends to love floyd. floyd pretends he doesnt know creeks pretending. floyd feels in control, almost. he gets comfortable. he refuses to believe its love, how could it be love? theyre awful to each other. but its, technically, his first real relationship. he tries not to think about it.

maybe encouraging creek to propose was a little more than seeing how far he can push him before he snaps. maybe he wanted to prove that hes worth it, even if the other guy wasnt. maybe he genuinely cried when he got angelinas egg, even if hed rather die than let creek see him express genuine emotions. he knows hes the sensitive one, but hes more than brozone. hes a person. a person that people dont ever seem to want to know.

then he realises. hes not the only one whos gotten comfortable. creek looks... not happy, exactly. but content. and floyd thinks thats terrifying. its too far, thats not how any of this was supposed to work. it was REVENGE. floyd was fucking with him, because creek was fucking with him first! now hes married, hes MARRIED, with KIDS, TWINS! THAT HE NAMED! and he loves them! and he loves creek! and creek loves him! hes gonna be sick. he cant do this. he cant be here. he lives in a mansion but its suffocating him. he leaves. he divorces creek.

hes miserable again. jd doesnt notice bc hes "the sensitive one", and his other brothers dont know how to bring it up without making it worse. branch is the only one who asks how hes holding up, but he just says hes fine, hell bounce back. he doesnt bounce back

when he meets creek again, he wants to cry. he wants to get on his hands and knees and beg him to take him back, but he has a LITTLE bit of self respect left. when he finds out creek missed him too its more than he can take. when they get drunk, and floyd forces jd to re-marry them, floyd actually feels like a person. a broken person, who healed in a creek-shaped mould, but a person nonetheless. and maybe thats all he can ask for

#ask #tdau #yeah ik i always insist its a comedy au. okay. there has to be a bit of bitterness so you can taste the sweetness of the comedy

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hyunnows · 1 year ago

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SHATTERED PUZZLES | 10

“a rude and arrogant patient with no identification wakes up from a year-long coma and develops temporary amnesia. Assigned to you, a volunteer who’s not going to put up with his attitude, you’re both in for a rough ride.”

PAIRING(s) | Hyunjin x reader, ft Minho x reader

THEMES | fluff, angst, a slight love triangle (i gotta stop with the skz love triangles–), amnesia!Hyunjin, Doctor!Chan, Rude!Hyunjin, car accident, trauma

WORD COUNT | 2.7k+

RATING | pg13

NOTE | ... well hello there. i know its been a while, and im so sorry for that. im still not really back yet, since i havent gotten into any sort of writing schedule or anything. but i wanted to finish this part up for you guys since i felt you deserved it. i also want to say thank you for all the support while ive been away, and hello to all my new followers and new readers for this series! i cant believe ive been working on this since i was 15 T^T its crazy to think ill be 18 in december... really thank you guys, all of you, im grateful for those who are new around here and those who have been with me since the beginning! please enjoy and have a great day/night!

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It’s been about three weeks since Hyunjin was betrothed to Yuna. The two have grown closer, but not as their parents believe. Now, she’s become more of a sister, and Hyunjin her brother.

She shares her crush on the shopkeeper she’s so fond of, asking for advice and tips. In turn, she gives Hyunjin the same—as well as tricks to keep his hair healthy. He likes having her as a friend.

In between their normal chatter and hanging out, they scheme. Researching legal documents, checking to see if there’s any way they can get out of marrying each other. It’s tiring work, but love is a powerful driving force.

“Do you know of any close family members that might be willing to take your spot?” Yuna raises her brow at Hyunjin. “I mean, I know I have a cousin or two that wouldn’t mind being in an arranged marriage for a few years. If you have someone to take your spot, then I think that they’ll let us off the hook.”

“That’s a good idea, except for the fact that I don’t know any of my family. The only family in my memories are my parents, and Minho I guess, but he’s not blood.” The blond frowns, sighing. Why did he have to be born to money hungry control freaks?

Yuna purses her lips, “I’ll have someone look into your family and see if you have any candidates. Until then, we have to just hang in there, I guess.”

——

“I’m dying.” You whine, hanging off the couch dramatically.

Minho and Chan shake their heads. “You’re not dying [Y/N],” the younger sighs, “I know it's hard, but you’re both safer this way.”

You know what he’s saying is true, but…

It's been over a month and a half since you were ripped away from Hyunjin, and you’ve thought of him every moment since then. You just want to see him--just be in his presence again. Unfortunately, you know that's not possible. At least, not according to Minho’s information on the blond.

So, while you may not be literally dying, you most definitely feel like you are.

And so when a particular idea pops in your head, you decide you have nothing left to lose, and voice it out.

“Let’s kidnap Hyunjin.”

----

“Yuna! Yuna! Where are you?” Hyunjin scrambles around, excitement all over his face as he races to find her. He’d been up since the crack of dawn, brainstorming ways to get out of their arrangement, and he finally came up with something. Now if only he could find her--

“Hyunjin? What? It’s early as hell,” she yawns, glancing at her phone and shoving the digital numbers in his face, giving him a good look at the time. 8:40 am. “What do you want?”

“They can’t force us to get married if one of us is already married.” He grins, panting slightly from the running around he’d done. Luckily, it isn’t odd for a fiancé to sleep over--or else the entire Hwang staff would be giving him a weird look all day.

Yuna curls a brow. “What do you mean? You want to run away and marry [Y/N] to get out of this?” She yawns a bit towards the end, rubbing her tired eyes with confusion.

His face is covered in shock for a moment before he picks up his jaw and shakes his head. “No, I love her, but she’s not ready to marry me yet. I barely confessed the day we were brought here.” He scoffs at the idea that he’d rush your relationship, which she rolls her eyes at. “You should marry Jay.”

Yuna flushes at the idea, mouth turning into a circle in surprise. Hyunjin knows she wants to marry the boy--she’s talked about it almost every day since they met, after all. “I-I don’t know… what if he doesn’t want to?”

Now it's Hyunjin’s turn to roll his eyes. “He wants to, trust me. I’ve seen the way he looks at you through the shop windows. He’s probably written his vows to you already,” he chuckles, his words making the girl redder than ever, which earns him a shove from her small hands. “Just ask him. If you two get married before our wedding, they won’t be able to force us together.”

Pursing her lips, she sighs. “Fine, I’ll ask.” Her agreement makes the blond cheer in satisfaction.

“Thank you Yuna!”

“Yeah yeah,” she waves him off, stepping back into her room and closing the door, “Let me get back to bed now.” Hyunjin apologizes and waltzes back down the hall to his room, and she can’t help but shake her head at his antics. “Weirdo.”

----

“You want to do what?” Chan all but yells, eyes wide in confusion. Sure, he’d heard a lot of crazy things pertaining to Hyunjin’s situation but you want to kidnap him? That’s a bit too much for the Australian to handle. “[Y/N] you know that’s illegal, right?”

You shrug. “Let's kidnap him. They kidnapped me already. Plus, Minho has pretty much done this before.” Your reasons just make the doctor sigh. “What? I can’t just sit around and do nothing anymore.”

Chan sees where you’re coming from, he really does, but as a doctor, he’s not sure he can condone this idea of yours. “But [Y/N], there’s no way you’re getting through their security and getting back here with Hyunjin safely. By the way, you could be arrested for kidnapping too. And you don’t have the money to get out of it.”

All of his stupid, logical reasoning makes you groan and roll your eyes. You know Chan likes to play by the rules—you usually do too—but for once, you just want him to support you and your bad idea. “Whatever, I don’t care! With or without you Chan, I’m gonna get Hyunjin back. I know he’s miserable, just like I am,” you frown, arms crossed loosely over your chest. “He deserves to be free, no matter who his parents are.”

As you strut away from the living room, Minho can’t help but stare at you in wonder. All this time, he’s known you cared for Hyunjin. What shocks him though, is that you seem to be the only person that can rival Minho’s love for his friend. ‘I can’t believe I’m going this again,’ he sighs, standing to follow you to your room so you can start discussing plans to break Hyunjin out. With the bright smile you give him when he agrees to your idea, he knows why it was so easy for him to fall for you. “So, what’re you thinking?”

Chan is completely flabbergasted, as well as disappointed, with Minho’s reaction. Sure, he knows Minho’s in love with you--everyone knows--but to go along with kidnapping Hyunjin? That sounds like more than love. It's insane. But then again, Chan also knows how much Minho cares about the younger boy, and how much he misses hanging out with him freely. “You guys are ridiculous, you know that, right?”

You glare at the Australian, but you can tell with the way he sounds stressed that he’s about to give into whatever plan you throw at him.

And so, you begin explaining your master plan to the two boys.

It wasn’t anything complicated. You would go as Minho’s date for the upcoming gala, disguised as one of their rich guests. While the two of you worked to find Hyunjin, Chan would pretend to be a security guard, and make a safe escape route. This was the base at least. You had also hoped to bring Han, Jeongin, and Seungmin along, have them act as caterers (if they agreed) and keep attention away from Minho, Hyunjin, and yourself as much as possible. Then, Minho would excuse himself, drive one of his cars around the side, and they would all slip out unnoticed.

So here you were, dressed all fancy, surrounded by about a hundred other guests. They’re all too busy trying to either get to Mr. or Mrs. Hwang to notice you, but you feel as if all their eyes are on you, judging you, picking you apart, and getting ready to notify the security of your suspicious presence.

It makes you shuffle forward a bit faster, and you bump against someone’s shoulder on accident. “I am so sorry--”

“Don’t worry about…” her eyes lock with yours within seconds, “What ar--”

You hold your finger vertically against your lips, telling her--Hyunjin’s arranged partner (who Minho warned you about and who was well aware of how you looked due to the social media pictures of you Hyunjin had shoved in her face)--‘don’t say anything’ and reconnect to Minho’s arm. Minho, who’d seen the whole thing, gives you a curt nod for not going off script.

Striding to the buffet table, you spot Jeongin in your peripheral vision, keeping the attention off of you. He seems to be doing a great job, considering all the older women were by him, gushing over the “adorable young waiter” less than discreetly. You’d seen his fiancée, now where was Hyunjin?

“I’m gonna go look around upstairs, you keep an eye out down here, yeah?” Minho leans down to whisper to you, looking at you for agreement.

You squeeze his arm and shake your head, “No Minho, everyone’s gonna know I don’t belong here if they see me without you.”

He sighs, stopping the two of you in your tracks. “Nobody’s going to know [Y/N], as long as you don’t do anything to attract attention, you’ll be fine. Just walk around and smile at people.”

You’re about to argue why that isn’t true when he slips out of your hold and walks off--meaning it would look too odd if you were to speed walk back up to him. ‘Damn you’, you think, before turning towards the art wall and deciding that would be a good place to start.

----

You were wrong.

As it turns out, the art wall isn’t actually just a small hallway with lovely paintings on the wall and a statue or two on display. It was an entire gallery bigger than your apartment by a landslide. You couldn’t help but be amazed at the family’s collection of fine pieces--but damn it if this wasn’t inconvenient to your search. You’re about 15 minutes into the gallery and still no sign of Hyunjin. You’re beginning to get cold feet about this plan and getting ready to call the whole thing off when a mess of blond hair and dark roots catch your eye. He’s admiring a painting, two bodyguards beside him, one on either side.

You want to run up to him, hold him so close you’re practically in his skin, his warmth all around you.

But you can’t, otherwise, all your planning, arranging, and sneaking around would go to waste. You dial Minho’s number and tell him the situation, and he’s by your side within minutes. He smoothly makes his way to Hyunjin, you trailing close behind and listening as Minho tells the guards something to get them to leave.

“Hyunjin, I brought someone with me,” Minho smiles, catching the younger male’s attention. Stepping aside to make you visible, Hyunjin’s jaw drops and Minho has to catch his glass out of his hands to keep him from shattering it on the floor. “Say hi.”

You can see his eyes get watery, his lip trembling as he takes a step towards you before he stops himself. “What are you doing here? It’s dangerous for you [Y/N].”

Despite his words, you can’t help but melt at the way he sounds saying your name. “We’re getting you out” you whisper, staring into his glistening eyes. “We couldn’t just leave you here.”

“How? My clothes have trackers, there’s guards everywhere-- I don’t think you guys are getting out of here with me,” he frowns, grabbing his clothes to the light flickering in the seams. “I’m stuck here.”

“We know about the guards and everything. We weren’t prepared for the trackers, though,” your brows curl in worry as you look at Minho.

He mentions that he has extra clothes, then moves on to explain the plan to Hyunjin. He seems worried, but at this point, he’ll do anything to get out of his parent’s hold. With a sigh, he asks, “Do you know when Chan will be ready?”

“I was actually about to check,” Minho states, calling the doctor up quickly. He mumbles into the phone, hand covering his face, making it hard enough not only for bystanders and strangers to hear, but difficult for Hyunjin and yourself as well. However, the nod that's accompanied by the movement of his chin let you know enough. “He’s ready whenever you are,” he gives Hyunjin a look, before gesturing to a particularly broad-shouldered security guard standing by a door off to the side of the gallery with “SECURITY” written in bold print on it.

You begin tugging the blond towards the Australian, suddenly remember you’re all on borrowed time, and that the guards assigned to stay by Hyunjin could return at any moment. Upon this reminder, Hyunjin begins rushing towards the door as discreetly as possible, and Minho decides now is as good a time as ever to excuse himself as the getaway driver.

“Hey man,” Chan greets quietly, swiftly opening the door to the security room and ushering the two of you inside. Hyunjin nods, glancing around in confusion and paranoia. Upon seeing the younger male’s fright, Chan calms his fears, “Don’t worry about the cameras seeing us. I know a guy who fixed that for us.”

Han’s voice comes out muffled from Chan’s headset, making Hyunjin and your own eyes widen. You knew he had some interest in computers, but you didn’t think he actually had any knowledge to help with something like this. At least now you know how he never seems to get viruses from downloading so much questionable software (he would really do anything to get free streaming services). “Yeah I covered for you guys, but you only have like 5 minutes left before the cameras start capturing live footage again. In other words, hurry up please.”

You all begin moving through the route, which is incredibly clear. The security room connects to dozens of other security rooms through hidden hallways. You suppose it only makes sense, considering just how rich the Hwangs are, for them to have such an intricate hidden system within the walls of their household.

Within 3 minutes, you three make it out the back door, where Minho is quietly pulling up, undetected. Hyunjin had removed his shirt during the walk, and ditched his shoes when you guys left the first security room, only needing to change his lower half’s garments now. He hops into the back, quickly replacing his own clothes with those Minho had given to him, ridding himself of the trackers. You hop in the back soon after beside him, Chan and Jeongin piling in soon after with the elder taking the passenger seat and Jeongin squishing himself beside you, barely buckling in when Minho steps on the gas.

“Alright, cams coming on in three… two… one-” just as Han’s voice finishes the count down from Chan’s phone, Hyunjin’s phone goes off with alerts, which are quickly followed by a spam of phone calls that make him throw his phone out of the window in fear as Minho begins speeding down the road towards your side of town.

Hearts pumping with adrenaline, you and the blond face each other simultaneously, tearing up immediately as you lean in to embrace each other’s lips for the first time in far too long. His forehead presses against yours as tears run down his cheeks, his hands caressing and wiping your face. “I missed you so much.”

Your bottom lip trembles, and you lean into his neck, arms wrapping around him to pull Hyunjin close to you, afraid he might disappear if you let go, “I missed you more.”

He lets out a painful laugh, squeezing you tighter to him, and shaking his head as if to gently disagree with you. He can’t fathom you missing him any more than he missed you. “I love you.”

A wistful sigh escapes you, a choked sob following not long after, “I love you too.”

The three boys glance back at you, each of them wearing a soft smile. However, Chan found it difficult to see only joy in Minho’s eyes after hearing your proclamations. He doesn’t mention it though, allowing you all a moment of peace.

----

After arriving at Jisung, Jeongin, and–at this point–Minho’s apartment and settling in, one question plague’s your minds.

“So…” Jisung begins, “What now?”

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sleepy-vix · 8 months ago

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journal/braindump 26/3/24

i hope life gets better soon. school is so miserable and weird and i just constantly feel like my physical shape is blurred and i'm but a a faceless entity drifting through the crowded and sweaty halls. when i speak to people it feels like i have to physically force myself to and i'm always so conscious of the fact that i would really love it if i were alone and not speaking to anybody at all.

i don't feel confident in myself and i feel like this year has passed by way too fast and i feel like just attempting to live feels like a bunch of cold sand is piled in my hands, and like sand does, it slips easily through my fingers and all i can do is watch. i feel so stupid and so naive all the damn time

for a while i had believed that everything would be okay, and then for a while after that i believed that i should kill myself. i'm okay now, i still feel very unsettled and it's like i'm not really me but i feel fine enough to function and i feel fine enough to live and wish to keep on living

i wish to keep on living

tomorrow i will wake up early and i will make myself coffee and i will sit down and read (i've had reading block for 2 days- which seems short but its annoying for me bc i really really want to read but i feel too restless and distracted to). i'll try to be nice to myself and protect my peace really hard and go on walks or something

i find that watching youtube videos where people just sit and talk, or rearrange their house and books, is really calming to me. i can't wait to just sit in front of the tv with a cup of matcha and a box of chocolates and just watching people talk, or watch all the movies ive been meaning to watch for sooo long

autumn is rolling around, and i'm infinitely greatful that it is because i always feel so inspired during this season. autumn makes me want to read, it makes me want to watch more films and eat more food and drink warm drinks that make me feel okay inside.

i also hope to pick up journalling again, but i'm not sure if i will because i don't have my own printer for images and idk what to journal but i have recently tried to just draw pictures- ive recently written journal pages on what i want to read, and also an "about me" page, and hand drew pictures. it's nice, but it doesn't give the same effect as full out journalling (with stickers, images, tape, etc... sigh.). i hope i journal more this holiday nonetheless.

i also hope to read without feeling so much pressure. i usually have no problem with reading whatever i want to read, as i like to think of myself as somebody who isnt easily influenced by other people's views (eg. if someone told me i have to read a certain book, i will consider it but i wont read it unless i want to) , but lately i've been thinking of all the books i want to read this holiday (for me i have autumn break in one week- and autumn break lasts for 2 weeks) and as u can imagine, it is very stressful bc ive somehow fallen into the mindset that i must read ALL of those books before next term or else.

fyi the books comprise of

- the complete collection of jane austen

- the complete collection of sherlock holmes

- the poppy war

- the iliad

- hamlet

- the metamorphosis

soo yeah... especially the first two points are stressing me out haha... im starting the poppy war now but im a little nervous bc ppl keep saying that its VERY gory??? and i usually dont care abt such things but lately my nerves and emotions have been such a wreck that i dont trust myself to read it in a calm manner

i'll try to break free of this toxic reader mindset tho! it would be nice if i could talk to people abt books, so it feels like im engaging with my hobby while not actually having to do the hobby, but nobody ik irl will want to talk abt books as i do

MAN i so badly want to rant abt booktok (ok actually i wont expand on this bc its a very sore point for me in the sense that i might get worked up over it and then feel shit afterwards for displaying sm emotion)

anywaysss next topic

ummm i get my maths result back on thursday and im so fucking scared bc i know i messed up bad for a few questions but im not sure if it was enough to drop me down to a b... idk i REALLY REALLY WANT AN A. like istg my whole self esteem for until the next exams roll around is goijg to be based off my maths result.. fuck im so emotionally immature its laughable

ummm also i have literature class tmr and i love lit class but we have to watch fucking "shes the man" and im sorry but i hate that movie so so much (ive never watched it before but we watched half of it last lesson and it was soo annoying). ughh why is my eng teacher making us watch this 😭😭

also my eng teacher is very blunt and therefore very interesting to talk to so ive been wanting to ask him abt books hes read lately but i CANT bc we have to watch thats tupid fucking movie and also he has to mark papers :( but also like hes the only intellectually stimulating person ik irl so what am i meant to do with all of my buzzing book thoughts ughh (rhetorical question. pls dont answer) :(

hmm what else is there to say

oh yeah last night i had a dream tjat i got a B+ for english and that was... it was like a nightmare im not even kidding. it was such a vivid dream too- everybody else got an A meanwhile i got a B+ (very close to an A) and i was just absolutely shocked and i desperately begged my teacher to give me some extra credit work so i can bump it up to an A-... yeah...

oh but also back to me wanting to have a better life- i think i'll take myself to the thrift more and go out with my friend (yes, singular. theres only one friend that i like hanging out with outside of school 💀) atleast once this holiday... thats what teen girls my age do, right??? haha...

also i want to watch ladybird and the perks of being a wallflower and rewatch little women and dead poets society !

i also might reread solitaire but aghh that makes me stressed out abt reading again... fuck. maybe i should just take a break from reading omfg

i cant wait to wake up early tomorrow and drink coffee though! :)

also i will make more spotify playlists (it makes me rlly happy to) and MAYBE even try cooking????????????? man idfk im desperate okay? feeling suicidal is not fun and i dont want to feel like that again this year. i cant afford thay bc im meant to be an academic weapon :( (lol who am i kidding? im more like an academic victim)

also maybe i will just text my friends more in general. it stresses me out and makes me feel icky but the other day, i had a nice and fun and lighthearted texting convo with one of my class friends and it made me realise that i should probably text people more ...

lol

anyways i think thats all? i think ive gotten everything off my chest for now. i liked doing this actually. maybe i'll do it more often idk 💀💀

hope u guys have a good day 🙏 i dont actually expect anyone to read this but if you did, i hope you have a good day TIMES TWO!

no refunds :}

#sleepy vix #vix's journal

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blkkizzat · 2 months ago

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Kali losing her virginity story time when

sis lmfao it's not glamorous... ngl i 18 and i was crossfaded af at a college party and "superman" by eminem was playing.

LMFAO A MESS, ill talk about it but i don't wanna trigger anyone so under the cut. tw sex under the influence; dubcon

i probably wasn't in the right mind frame to consent or anything tbh (so please dont be like me stay safe). well, honestly now that i think about it, i think it was just that last bong hit that had me out of my mind. although i was already naked atp lol so i was down to have sex. but right after that's when i blacked out and when i came to i was literally moaning as ol'boy had a mouth full of my pussy hjdfasdjhfasdjh. i just wanted to lose my v and get it over with so i was happy to go with the flow. (disclaimer: back in the day when i was drinking hard dark liquor and mixed it with weed i would literally black out, but not go unconscious but just lose that time and not know wtf i was doing for the last 20 mins. But people have told me i was talking/acting like normal so idk.bdjhsdfjh but it happened then too. its only happened to me like 3-4 times tbh all when i binge drank heavy in college and smoked a fuckton of weed. so no it wasn't like i was unconscious and he was hooking up with me anyway).

that said, ngl that was some of the best sex i ever had in college. high sex is always great for me tbh and i dont remember it hurting much (but he had also just ate me out for like 45 min) but i think me and ol'boy just had good natural chemistry. he lived on the 3rd floor and my friends on the first floor said they heard me kfjhsdkjshdfkvjhsd.

one awkward asf thing though is the guy did not know i was a virgin and i would have told him if i wasnt so fucked up fjkhrfkdhgkdf.

also just wanna note, im not sad or upset at all. i always gave zero fucks about the construct of virginity (personally, please if you want it to be nice and special that is your preference and nothing is wrong with that). and sidenote thats why other than the one virgin!reader fic i will write (she wont really give af either tho tbh), i dont like writing virgin!reader cause i dont believe in idealizing it.

honestly i just wanted to lose it cause up until that point i was scared to use a tampon and was tired of being in the bloody dirt trenches with pads fhsdfjkhasfjaksh. like it wasnt even about "losing my virginity to a tampon", i was just scared to put it in. but literally got my period a week later and was like "well a dick has been in me" and found the courage to put it in. i was a silly bitch im fully aware LOL!

but i will say, it was this weird thing after where i felt bad for NOT feeling bad. like i had other friends who idealized virginity so much (then were all pikachu face when they found out i didnt want to tell them i had sex), i felt like there was something wrong with me for not thinking it was a big deal. even sometimes now, i wont want to discuss it just because so may people do idolize it its annoying to have to deal with their reactions and reassure them "no i dont feel like i was SA'd, no i dont regret it, yes i actually enjoyed the experience."

however i will say now im in the middle.

these days im alot more selective with who i fuck as personally i subscribe to the ideas of tantra/tantric sex. That while you can have sex without emotions, you can't have it without an energy exchange. sometimes ive felt shitty after one-night stands or liked the friends with bennies for the pleasure in sex but felt off after. i realized that those feelings weren't due to guilt from slut-shaming but the fact that their energy was off and it was now having an effect on me. so rn im DTF 100%—but yo energy gotta be right. and usually i cant tell that just from the bar or first meeting so ive been waiting more.

i rambled again jsdhsdjhbj but oh well.

#ೃ༝💌⁀➷ 𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉мαιℓ #ೃ💌⁀➷𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉αησηѕ #tw dubcon #tw drugs #° 🎀 𝒽💍𝑒𝓉𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓈 🎀 °

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roseworth · 18 days ago

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forgot to actually say this in the ask but the idea of jason being his favorite for a time but specifically when he's dead... yeah. spending time away from fanon jason stans really does make you love him more because that would not have made me feel anything a while ago but that's so good. and makes so much sense but is very sad.

of course bruce was unable to stop thinking about jason when he was gone! and of course that love would be entirely unrecognizable to jason when he comes back! jason was isolated even alive! and besides their differing--viewpoints, jason has changed from the child that spent so much time mourning, and is doing things that bruce would find hard to see from anyone, and they're always standing opposite each other anyway so how could bruce, never very gifted in the emotions department in the first place, ever communicate how much jason means to him with all of that? and also there's the part where jason IS going around and murdering people, it would probably be a little hard for anyone to forgive of their kid, let alone bruce.

i'm probably getting mind of incoherent but i just. it is so very clear that bruce and jason care about each other, and it doesn't help their relationship at all because they're stuck like this forever. i LOVE when relationships are like this, ships for example where they never get together but they're in love forever are the best kind, and i always wish more people were just obsessed with that kind of. - emotional stranding? - in other kinds of relationships. maybe i'm looking in the wrong places and that's why i'm not finding other people who like this idk

but that's what makes me so obsessed with bruce, he's not even my favorite character but basically every single one of his important relationships is stuck like this. his kids his wife (talia❤️) his dad. he has an entirely different type of crazy with every single one of those people but the main thing those relationships have in common is that they encourage a lot of growth in each other at the beginning, and then life gets in the way or they grow past each other or miscommunicate themselves out of their former closeness. sorry to ramble at you for so long but what you said about jason and bruce turned me into an animal. i've been a sleeper agent this whole time apparently. stuck trying to think about his individual relationships with his other children now, all at the same time. you did this to me

(original post) hi im so sorry i know i said i would answer this like a week ago but i Forgot. but im here now <3

first of all HARD agree with what you said about loving relationships where both of them care about each other but cant make anything work despite it. its all about the love being there but it doesnt change anything and the way two people care about each other deeply and it changes everything about the dynamic but nothing about the circumstances. its so so good. youre so right that bruce is such a good character for this dynamic because his core beliefs and motivations are so important to him as a character that if he eases up on them even a little he becomes a completely different person, and it means that every relationship he has is strained because he cant waver on the beliefs that make him who he is

anyways. i want to talk about why i believe jason was the favorite child after he died but first i want to talk about dick. to me dick is and always will be bruce's favorite son. but not in a good way

ive heard some people say that jason was the favorite son while he was robin and thats a fine headcanon but i simply do not agree! i understand where people are coming from since bruce & dick had a very strained relationship at that time, meanwhile jason was just a happy and polite kid who liked being robin and didnt have many issues until starlin. but bruce & dick have such a specific relationship that even when they werent talking, dick was still bruce's favorite. bruce held dick in such high regard in his head that jason could never meet the standard, even though bruce rarely (outwardly) compared the two of them. bruce was projecting so much onto dick (in a way that he did to cass later on, which ill get back to in a sec) that jason could never meet the version of dick that existed in bruce's head. even the real dick instead of the idealized dick that bruce had made was better than jason to bruce because bruce had completely adopted the "my son's success is my success" mindset (which isnt necessarily a bad thing! in this case i would say that this is one of bruce's parenting wins) so he was proud of dick and watched him grow into what bruce was hoping he would (a successful, independent hero) even though they werent talking

not to mention! bruce explicitly tells dick that he brought in jason to fill the hole in his life left by dick (the dick hole. hehe) i dont like the idea that jason was constantly being compared to dick because thats not entirely true because bruce rarely openly brought up dick around jason, but he definitely was doing it in his head. he wanted jason to be dick, but he wasnt the Evil Father that some people try to make him out to be. he just adopted jason to have someone in his life like dick was, and he wanted jason to be what dick was to him even though he couldnt replicate the relationship he had with dick because it was so dependent on where each of them were in their lives when they met and became Batman and Robin. and bruce confirms that in batman #416 that he adopted jason because he missed dick and needed someone else in his life

anyways back to jason. i do believe that jason was briefly the favorite while he was dead. i love this post saying that one of bruce's favorite children is jason's corpse because its so fucking real

im gonna get off topic for a second but i swear i have a point. in the play buried child by sam shepard, the mom (halie) constantly talks about her dead son ansel and talks about how he was an american hero, an athlete, and many other amazing things. hes the representation of the american dream in the play, but hes dead, showing the disillusionment of the family. but halie is constantly bringing him up and shes convinced that he was the perfect son and he would've made her proud, unlike her other sons who disappointed her. and her sons keep trying to correct her about who ansel was because she would get things wrong, like how shes convinced ansel played basketball even though he never did, but she refused to listen because he was the Golden Child in her mind and she had a perfect image of him when she looked back on his life, because he was dead and now had never disappointed her

now. you can probably see where im going with this. bruce wasnt as bad as halie but i do think that the idea is the same. since jason was dead, it was a lot easier to think about all the good things and imagine how good it could've been if jason was there. even the "he wouldnt listen" line in that screenshot ^ is the same idea! if the dead son had only listened to his parent's warning, he would still be alive and it would be fine! its a lot easier for bruce to think about jason when he's dead because jason cant disappoint him when hes dead. and he doesnt have to worry about the things that bruce doesnt like to do, such as deal with emotions, and can just create this perfect version of robin jason where he was happy and a great hero and there were never and never could be any issues! if only he had listened!

if im being honest theres a lot of canon evidence against this theory. but canon evidence is stupid and im better than that! kidding but the thing is that there was so much difference in how bruce talked about jason every time he was brought up that its hard to exactly pinpoint how anyone felt, so i am simply cherrypicking canon to create my favorite narrative <3

bruce thinks of jason as what he could've been because he only exists in good memories and a glass case when hes dead, and bruce genuinely does not want jason to come back to life. every time jason "came back" before under the red hood, bruce was upset about it. he wanted jason to stay dead because he wanted jason to be able to rest. but also? bruce would rather jason be dead than come back as a villain. he would rather jason live in his memories as the perfect son than be alive and fighting against him. in batman #618, clayface pretends to be jason and bruce is (somewhat) thankful that its not actually jason, because he would rather jason stay dead than be hush

so its safe to say jason very quickly stops being the favorite when he actually comes back to life. i could still believe that jason's corpse is one of bruce's favorites even after jason is alive because bruce still brings up jason's death and how it affected him, and he mourns what he used to have with jason before jason had his own morals and motivations

anyways. cass time <3

like you said in your original ask, a lot of people say that cass is bruce's favorite but its a lot more complicated than that because especially at first, bruce sees her as less of a daughter than an extension of himself but in a different way than dick. when bruce looks at dick, hes kind of like a batman appendage. they are different people and bruce understands that and usually nurtures that to help dick. with cass on the other hand, he sees cass almost as a carbon copy of him so he gives her what he would've wanted at her age and treats her the way that he wanted to be treated. technically hes right that she also wants to be treated like that, but as we see over and over again in batgirl 2000, just because she wants it doesnt mean its good for her. hes not nurturing her as a daughter, hes nurturing her as a smaller version of himself. and again like you said in your ask, cass is too similar to him. they dont really get into fights because of it, but i think he hates himself too much to love cass that much

and the thing is. bruce has an idea of cass in his head that isnt real. he sees her as himself and whenever he hears something that could change that image, he pretends its not real. he refuses to believe that cass killed someone because HE wouldnt kill someone, so obviously cass didnt either. she cant possibly like being outside or talking to people because HE doesnt like that, and theyre the same person so babs must be forcing her to (which.. im not talking about babs and cass right now so i wont go into it but like. yeah she is). he created what he thinks cass is and what he thinks she should be, so anything that threatens that isnt real to him. if (*IF*) cass is the favorite child, its not actually cass. its the version of cass that he wishes was real (a lot like the version of jason's corpse that he wishes was real)

i love this panel from detective comics #790 because first of all its funny to me that bruce immediately tells cass to go to babs with any emotion or problem. but also it says so much about their relationship. bruce isnt there to be cass's father, he's there to be batman to her. hes not exactly neglecting her, but he definitely is not emotionally there for her (not that hes emotionally there for anyone else. but he certainly has no interest in listening to cass's feelings)

as time goes on he starts seeing her as a daughter and she sees him as a father, but even after he starts seeing her as a child she's still not his favorite. like i talked about before, bruce & dick just have such an intricate and specific relationship that no one can ever meet the same standard. even when bruce loves cass as a daughter, he's always going to care more about dick because seeing dick go through the same trauma as him then raising him to be different than him (but the same in the ways that matter to him) means so much more to him than anything he has with his other kids

so yeah. in conclusion dick is the favorite child but sometimes the ghost of jason or the projected version of cass can beat dick depending on his mood

#long post #dc #i hope this all made sense tbh i wrote it in like 3 different sittings and im not reading it back so it might be a little bit everywhere #or maybe i repeated myself a hundred times #who knows! not me! stream the great impersonator

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trainingdummyrabbit · 2 months ago

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oooooooobhhhh...... would it be alright if you talked abt ur ocs......... if it's not a bother.......

stands here like some sort of beast . this took me two days. im so sorry. inhales

i can absolutely talk abt my ocs yeah :D never ever a bother!!

this is rose and wolfe! theyre two of my lobcorp ocs whom i love very dearly :] they (and the rest of their group) have their own lil story going on, but i say that very loosely bc im just having fun honestly ^_^ and they sure do love making decisions that make that Rather Difficult For Me. but alas, anyhow,

this is inevitably going to get Pretty Fucking Long! (post-post edit. ~35 paragraphs.) so if youre prepared for that. 👍 yippy!! anyway hope you like fucked up little lesbians bc here we go

im probably going to be retreading ground here a bit bc im gonna try and take it from the top, but also because i dont remember what ive said and what i havent so ill just say whatever i remember ^_^

the basic gist of th storyline is that its kind of a pseudo-murdermystery but instead of dying u get turned into some sort of beastie ! ^_^ aka 'nobody knows what the distortion phenomenon is yet and are kinda too busy freaking out about it to notice headquarters exploded last week'. dont worry about that.

slaps notes on the table. this is gonna be really messy and maybe kinda incomprehensible but its ok bc this is just how its going to be. hope this helps.

OK LISTEN. they started out as one thing and then slowly kinda turned into something else and theyve been haunting me for months but they make talking about them Literally Impossible because of how much they just. fucking cling to each other, narratively. its impossible. they make everything so fucking difficult.

wolfe is some offshoot of a take on those Edgy Playground Wolf Ocs that you see a lot in middle school-- or well, thats the root of it. she was always going to be played fully seriously, but everyone was kinda written more silly-like towards the beginning anyhow. yknow, one of those 'orphan lab experiment who pretty much had to take care of themself and really hates people, with Cool Mysterious Powers theyre really conflicted about' type characters. and honestly a lot of that still sticks, really.

she presents herself in a kind of over-the-top way to try and get people to take her seriously and leave her alone, but honestly its just kind of . offputting.. in a way, shes kind of a stand-in for what its like to be a teenager (neurodivergence notwithstanding). sometimes the only thing you can do to get people to listen to you is to make a scene and yell really loud! and everyone will always discredit it as just something that happens while growing up, being "disobedient" because you want attention or want to be rebellious and contrary, but everything you feel IS real and it DOES hurt and nobody BELIEVES you so all you can do is yell LOUDER. its all theyll respond to. (and all it does is make people double down on what they think of you.)

wolfe is a character that is honestly kind of genuinely a bit extra, a little bit embarrassing, but very genuine. a lot of her life was spent not being able to decide what happened to her physically; just kinda pulled and prodded around whether she liked it or not; (again, the whole orphan lab experiment thing was never a lie.) and thrashing around is really all she can do about it. be inconvenient, irritating, hard to deal with; any small victory, any little foothold would do. unfortunately, most of what that's ever done is make things harder for herself. (she hates being expected to be something convenient to others, yet in her attempts to cast it away, forms her worldview to the dichotomy they set up around her. curious !)

so you have this fucked up lil thing and drop her into an lcorp facility. great superb fantastic. n then you give her some ego gear and it messes her up Big Time because guess what, her body is all sorts of fucked up and is Not reacting well with this whole thing, causing it to quite literally Stick and all those 'mild' side effects are now 'major' side effects and everyones Fussing over you again because youre an Anomaly and you Dont get any rest and youre still getting used to a body and mind that isnt Quite what it was before and you Cant leave since they need to figure out whats going on here and Oh God Fucking Damn It Its Again.

so its pretty fair that shes being Like That about the whole thing all things considered.

at this point shes just trying to make it through day by day without someone prodding her about something or another, just stop Staring at her already, fuck off. just one foot in front of the other and try not to think about it too hard. thumbsup 👍 more often than not she works alone; not just because of her own decisions, but also did you know cobalt scar gets a boost on low hp for the exchange of activating friendly fire? pretty crazy. shes kinda reckless and bound to get herself hurt anyway, so it doesnt really Change anything to just kinda.. send her out there without backup. not like she works well with others anyway, right? itd be pretty dangerous to pair her up with someone n all. yknow.

it kinda sucks, yknow? at this point shes so fucking tired of The Everything that honestly she just wants to get in and get out as quickly as possible without having to deal with any nonsense. shes still really pissed off about the entire Situation, still trying to keep any small bit of autonomy she gets to have, but like. well. sometimes it really is easier to just Do Your Job And Leave. finish your tasks and not think about it and not bother with anyone and fuck off until you have to do it again. thats how it always wouldve been anyway, right? easy. annoying. so, so annoying. god she fucking hates it here.

so anyway, rose. she sucks. she doesnt, but i have to say it every time i talk about her Or Else. shes the reason i have such a hard time talking about The Everything. and also why i had to rewrite this and take Two Days getting to it. she is just. So Much. shes an idiot. shes too smart for her own good. she would fit right in as a YA novel protagonist. this is all stalling on trying to explain what the hell is wrong with her.

honestly on a surface level shes pretty chill all things considered. mostly stays in her lane, gets along with people pretty easily, just kinda goes here, pretty good at small talk. she loves listening to people. she Loves listening to people. the problem. she isnt lying, per se, about her entire Presentation and general manner of being, but she isnt really honest either. shes disingenuous. kind of.

rose as a character is Very aware of how people act, and why they choose what they do in what situations. as such, she has gotten very good at Acting A Part rather than actually Living It. she loves listening to people because she wants to know who they are. not in a "i want to get to know my coworkers ^_^" type of way but in a "writing down all your character traits and quirks to record your habits" type of way. a weird sort of genre-awareness. she is very Very easily able to track exactly what type of person someone is and adjust the way she acts around them to... any sort of effect she wants to, honestly. mostly its just quelling dumb spats and getting people to stop being stupid like people tend to do, but every so often she isnt exactly averse to just kinda... messing with people. only a little! but she Could, if she Wanted to. which she doesnt. because shes nice.

rose sees interpersonal interaction as a complex 'game'. not by that name, but by that function. everyone always Expects something, in engaging with another, and all it really is at its core is getting what you want without giving too much ground. to figure out who the Other is without them figuring out who You are. its a competition. to understand what another person Is is what gives you the advantage. to know is to win, to be known is to lose. keep your cards as close to your chest as you can, and they cant control you. easy. its something everyone Does, but only a few acknowledge. she was just good enough to learn.

but like, admittedly, shes very chill. shes literally nice? like yeah all that but she is literally nice. shes fine. shes like... fine? shes all right. like Yeah it sounds bad when you put it like that but she is literally nice.

rose plays a lot with the idea of Symbol. shes a fully realized person, yeah, but she was never Expected to be. she exists mostly as a formality, and she knows thats all that was really expected of her. she was there to Fulfill An Ideal and little else; so she reaches for what she can when she can. be Sweet and Simple and Pretty-- that's all. and she isnt, she knows this, but it sure does make things simple when thats all people know of you. (impossible for people to dig for information people dont think exists.)

a flower in a broken vase unsure if its defined by the petals or the holes. shes someone intrinsically frustrated by the rules that define her, but is unable to comprehend a self without it. clinging to it because its the sole point of control she feels she can Have over things, but wishing to cast it aside to self realize and prove that shes worth the time of day to acknowledge. (she doesnt care what her caretakers thought of her, but still she defines her actions based on their idea of her. curious !)

so you have these two in the general vicinity of one another right.

rose initially interacts with wolfe as almost a game. a test, even. just to see if she could get anything out of the weird one that sulks in a corner by themself, refusing to interact with anyone. shes just curious, yknow? and wolfe, obviously, takes this about as well as you think she would. dont you have better things to do?? stop asking about my fucking hobbies. ..rose could always count on her for a reaction.

wolfe was very, Very resistant to playing along much at all. she thought that giving just simple brush-off responses would get her to get the hint that it wasnt worth bothering, but then rose would come back with more questions building off of whatever they'd talked about, just... idly talking at her. a frequent annoyance turning into just. consistent background noise. yeah this might as well be happening. but even still, the amount of things that rose remembered and considered and genuinely seemed to listen to kind of caught her off guard. it was... weird. it was really really weird.

it wasnt really all that hard to read what wolfe was feeling at any given moment. it was kind of funny, honestly, especially with how she tended to present herself. (honestly, how did everyone else just Miss all of this?) but after some time, rose was surprised to find that she started to just... speak to her frankly. it was stark, only every so often, almost as if she didnt realize the shift in her own tone. its around then that rose started piecing things together herself and... oh. ohh. (how did everyone just miss all of this?)

Bad News Motherfuckers! Its Fucking Over For Both Of You! wolfe finds someone who is genuinely willing to listen to her on the sole drive of simply Understanding Her, rather than wanting something in exchange, wanting something From her; and rose. god. she finds a reflection of exactly what she wishes she couldve been, things she couldve done, were she not shaped into what she Is. an understanding of something she'd never acknowledged, never knew was there, but was there with her the entire time. someone with a clear understanding of what they are, willing to fight tooth and nail to keep it, regardless of what anyone or anything else tries to do with them. things that the narrative constantly tries to take from them; things that rose wants so desperately to let wolfe keep.

so yknow, girl things. THIS is where things get really annoying.

rose seemed to enjoy messing with wolfe just for fun, but honestly shes just kinda taken by her honesty. she doesnt ever seem to have any ulterior motives when shes around her, she just… is. and does. because she wants to. rose honestly isnt really sure how to handle someone who isnt just… mildly bluffing at all times, especially about connection. that level of vulnerability is scary to her. so she teases her. she expects her being flustered-- and she is-- but still, she finds herself caught off guard by wolfe's earnestness.

even so, rose catches herself being far more open than she intends to be-- accidentally, at first, against her better judgement, but then tentatively, almost as if to test the waters. just how much could she show of herself and still uphold that trust? how many red flags can she put up before wolfe notices? no, that was unfair. before it becomes unforgivable. before it recontextualizes her. she cares, yes, genuinely and deeply so. (but what does that mean, coming from her?) she wants wolfe to be safe. (im asking you to leave.)

wolfe and rose both trust each other to a degree that they dont trust many others. its the passive understanding that theyre very much alike, and the even more silent knowledge that they want better for each other; in a roundabout way of knowing that they themselves deserved better, no matter how much they insist otherwise.

theyre very genuine with each other in a way that kind of surprises themselves. neither of them quite know what theyre doing, nor do they want to put a name to something so fleeting, but… its there.

wolfe desperately wants to be closer to rose, but hates that she desires that vulnerability. (it was always rather dangerous, showing your hand like that.) its an annoying fondness, constantly prickling at the back of her head any time rose is even remotely relevant. even when she isnt. shes kind of haunted. shes very defensive of her in a way she honestly doesnt realize until someone points it out. it just comes naturally to her. (whats the difference between a guard dog and an attack dog again..? (is she really ready to deal with the implications of this? is this not just having another will enacted on you? how does she really feel about that?))

rose, meanwhile, is… actually also conflicted. she likes wolfe. this is obvious. it wasnt intended, and she can roll with it, but it's… complicated. she handles it a lot more analytically. she notices when wolfe takes a step forward, and matches it in turn. equivalent exchange, and all. show that youve noticed, that you care, that youre paying attention. (i think she may be afraid. despite her presentation, she's afraid.)

she acknowledges the feeling of desire in this bond-- she wants wolfe to be able to live outside of others' influence. desperately. (if she cant, then…) she refuses to acknowledge what this says of Herself, though. but most importantly, she knows how easy it would be to simply take the role of someone who controls her. (isnt that just what she's always done to others?) she hates the idea of becoming that. (it would be so easy.) goes out of her way to avoid influencing her in that way-- but somehow, this just makes her more distant. hesitant to touch.

and with that fear, she tends to react, again, logically. tries to solve it like a puzzle, like she always has. finds the shortest distance to a perceived goal. this makes her rather distant, disconnected-- shes trying to control her own feelings by controlling what is around it.

what this means, most importantly, is that she is unable to trust wolfe the way She trusts her. she isnt strong enough to push back against what she sees of herself, or that which she uses to protect herself. giving in to those well-walked patterns instead of being able to brave uncertainty in something that new. she hides herself because she isnt sure what will become of her-- and is too afraid to risk what may come of losing the person she suddenly deeply cares about. setting herself up to crash harder should the worst happen. because she would simply blame herself. proving herself right.

meanwhile wolfe is dealing with Actually Trusting Someone for the first time in longer than she can remember, whether she likes it or not. maybe she was being stupid. maybe this was just a foolish foray into trusting people like she’d always told herself not to do. but… but. rose just brought this sense of comfort wherever she went, this feeling of certainty.

it was never good to let your guard down, but… but just this once, she so badly wanted to. once you let these things go, it becomes harder to get them back. she knew this. and yet, all the parts of her that protested were overruled by a deep desire to simply lie down and fall asleep in that comforting feeling. how frustrating. how annoying. how dangerous. now she had someone she could not argue against. and yet, she held this advantage as if she did not know it was one she wielded, a dangerous thing held without intent. was this trust? …did she want it to be?

and so, foolishly perhaps, she decided to trust. it was a tenuous thing, unbeknownst to anyone but herself. …probably. rose did have a way of seeing right through people. but even through all that, through the Everything… it felt nice to have someone to look out for. someone to worry about, someone on your mind when there used to be nobody else but you. she’d spent so long worrying about the repercussions of leaving your back to someone, yet she’d never known the comfort of having someone do the same to you. she’d never realized how hard it was to do much of anything with fangs bared the entire way. the ache of worry was dull compared to the weight of silence. (she would give her Everything to her. all or nothing, with her. maybe this was simply part of the inevitable problem.)

hey remember the whole turning-into-creatures thing? yeah thats still happening. crazy right? anyway. The Problem.

so you have people turning into things not quite unlike abnormalities, expressions of deep fears and desires running away with what used to be a human. and youve got some fucked up little guy with a Lot of barely repressed issues thats deceptively easy to mess with and actively averse to anybody really reaching out to them whatsoever.

and then rose is trying her best to figure out whats causing all this bullshit going on, but also her . coworker. is suddenly acting Really snappy and distant and its kinda starting to make her worried and she doesnt want to push her but shes looking really rough lately and fuck. wait. god. wait. shit.

long inhale. so you have two stupid motherfuckers 100% willing to drop everything and kill everyone in this facility and then themselves if anything so much as happens to the other (but theyre super normal about it, its fine, the other doesnt have to know.) theyre so good at this interpersonal interaction thing guys they swear (dont look too close though ok haha.) theyre sooo unknowable guys theyre really pulling a fast one on everyone here. they Definitely know what to do to fix the problem forever its fine they totally get it. dont stop them.

anyway heres a bunch of images for no reason

#i had . to rewrite this like 5 paragraphs in IM SO SORRY THEY GET ME REALLY BAD.. THANKYOU FOR WAITING..#its so funny reading btwn older attempts to explain them and this one bc i am so much meaner to rose in this one jshdbfgjd #this didnt even get their Everything im just trying to get this out of my head theyve been haunting me for months and months and months #if i missed anything: oops! hope this helps ^_^#pikocs #piktalk #asking so so politely Be Niceys To Me Okay. :']👍#they Have more its just i need to pin it down bc they keep making Choices adn im a weenie baby. ok.#WAVES HANDS IN THE AIR. ANYWAY.

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alyimoss · 5 months ago

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9, 10, 31,,, (ask game)!!!!!

:333

ok so

9 What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

honestly i. have not done much at all. ever. so this is a tough one (and also bc i cannot for the life of me remember ANYTHING abt my life suddenly). idk if this counts, but. ive been told several times that im the kind of person people can come to when they have problems, either for advice or just to have someone listen to them. that at times ive been the only one they could turn to. and i consider my ability to become (and keep being) that person despite everything an accomplishment. its either that or learning mostly-proper, semi-advanced english in like 2 weeks after we moved to the states but i was like. 7. and kids that age are sponges so its not rlly anything special?

10 What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

either that i did ballet (albeit briefly) or that i used to be a social butterfly. im a pretty closed off person nowadays, riddled with anxiety and constantly too nervous to speak up. so i think if i told people that, at some point, i was not only social, but *popular*, they would not believe me. i could strike up a conversation with anyone. was literally getting bullied and i chatted with them like nothing was happening. fun times. wish i was still that kid sometimes

31 Describe yourself with 3 singers

what a horrible day to only listen to game osts lmfao. buuut maybe lemon demon, will wood, and mitski?? ld is kind of the. whatevers up with my brain. the hyper and excitable part that gets buried under the issues. the hyperfixations and the random info and oh its the neurodivergence. his songs exude a sort of vibe that i want to have and think i do have in the privacy of my own thoughts. never ask me abt his songs i will not shut up (i could write whole essays overanalyzing his music). will wood is the loudness and the issues that arent (necessarily) neurodivergence and also the gender issues. kind of vibes i wish i had also in the sense that his songs are so. in your face. a bit nonsensical at times, hard to make out, but you can feel the emotion so plainly. and then mitski is like. every song i hear from her is just my thoughts with a backing track. its actually kind of insane and i need her to stop bc i cannot listen to her songs like a normal person. anyway yeah across the three of those i think the common theme is "mental illness" and i do not know what that says abt me (i know what that says abt me)

anywayyy ty for the ask!! :3

#i love yapping it is my favorite activity #i kind of didnt consider i dont have good answers to most of the questions in that ask game lmaoo oh well

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safetyobstacles · 1 year ago

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starting o segredo na floresta now, im either gonna finish this in a week or its gonna take months good luck me

update - i love joui

joui, its a little cloudy out, roll for sanity. joe, you stubbed your toe, roll sanity. joui did you just frown???????? roll a sanity test with disadvantage. that was cool joui, you gain 1 sanity. just kidding somewhere in the netherlands a child tripped and scraped their knee, you lose 10 sanity.

i think im going to put my updates under the cut instead of spamming posts B) beware of spoil

UPDATE

if cellbit takes liz or thiago from me ill never forgive him

this bar has to be its own paranormal entity, thiago would have died if the gun had a bullet in it and cristopher nearly got knifed to death in their first fight loll

EP 2

npc thiago about to be the most useless mf ever i swear if he dies to a stray ant or something ill cry just put him in a box for safe keeping

what would i do without the mental image of joui dropkicking every monster he sees

liz why are you finger painting with the ooze monsters remains and why did it give you 1 hp ?????? NEVERMIND

EP 3

RACCOON bro has 8 health but he sure is happy

faz um teste de sanidade

when i said thiago was gonna die to an ant i didnt actually mean kill him with giant spiders

cristopher no please dont climb a tree these are spiders they can climb nah bro cristopher is dead af im gonna miss him. bro cellbit just kill him already bros dead 2 hp

damn

ep 4

at this rate luba doesnt even need to roll sanity we all know hes gonna fail anyways joui's having the worst two days of his life

jesus christ i just woke up i cant handle this shit cesar's punching a hole in my itty bitty heart bones

please stop talking about leticio's cacetinho

EP 5 how long is too long for a tumblr post btw

the starting soon screen replaced cris with arthur notlikethis

cellbit is far too happy about them going to this house i hate it i hate it

i would like for them to leave a casa now :))) they got gregório time to go :) DAMN JOUI JUST GOT STEAMROLLED BY THAT ZOMBIE ROLLED A 99 VS CELLS 1 jesus christ thiago LOL NO WAY GREGÓRIO IS DEAD AF bro was just taking a nap in the car and this is what he gets

that was horribly stressful its 3 am how am i supposed to sleep after that

to be fair, if i was rodolfo and liz didnt use the tazer, i would have just dragged gregório in front of arthur and killed him in right in front of his face soo...

ROLLED 100 LOOOOOOOOOOOOL a caverna

COOL GUY ALERT HOPE HE DOESNT KILL BRULIO HAHAhahaaa

EP 6 I HAVE GREAT ANXIETY THIS MESTRE GUY IS ABOUT TO KILL HALF THE SQUAD

luba i know youve been rolling absolute dog shit the last 5 episodes but this one really counts buddy brulio :(

most stressful hour of youtube ive ever sat through i cant believe they all lived

A PORTA FORTE

EP 7 im so glad they're going back to the house im so happy ive never wanted anything else this is great nothing could go wrong in this house nothing

7 episodes in and ive just now realised that he keeps talking about circles and spirals and those have significance with a certain element and now i want them to leave carpazinha go back home forget this ever happened

undressing with the homies in the haunted basement next to a dead old man

not thiago canonically talking to a bookshelf after complaining about joui's whispering to his shotgun

THIS GRAVE IS SO COMPLICATEDDDD I BET ITS FUCKING EMPTY THEYRE ARGUING ABOUT HOW TO "knock out" AN OLD LADY AND ITS PROBABLY JUST WORMS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GRAVEEE

this whole graveyard scene has me in tears thiago staring at nothing while they try to get him to unmute, old guy on the phone, joui picking up the old lady i just laughed so hard i feel ill

the one time joui doesnt fail a roll he loses 6 SANITY?? 8 SANITY?????????????? SENHORA VOCE TA BEM????? YOU JUST CHOKED HER OUT JOUI WAIT SHES GONNA DIE??????????? SHES GOING TO DIE???????????? THE GASOLINE IN THE MOUTH??

grounded from the shotgun for 1 week

EP 8

Thiago's pants are still fucked up from last episode btw

about to have a tpk over alchohol poisoning

if cesar survives this campaign hes gonna put as many points possible into forgery

a caverna im goign fuckign crazy the god of tdeath pr spomething is in this cave theyre gonna walk inside trip on a pebble and get eaten by hundreds of tiny cave beetles

Victor is absolutely about to get his face eated by a spider and/or be swallowed by the cave

ok but santo berço looks kinda cool like i would live there

EP 9 he just (re?)released osnf merch but i refuse to be spoiled by absolutely anything ive done so well i will not be tainted by cesar's really cool green on black long sleeve

wait i love the gatekeeper its a shame this town is probably a hallucination and theyre all actually slowly dying in the middle of the forest GIANT COWS I LOVE THE GIANT COWS WITH REGULAR SIZED HEADS

????????????????????????????????FELPS??????????????????????

buttery butter

thiago this is why you should have quit smoking

?????FELPS?????????

EP 10 so if thiago hadnt used the lighter would felps still be alive, probably just would have died later B)

bro joui has got to buy new dice this is crazy

this is gonna be the average 2 star motel experience BRO JUST DABBED ON CESAR liz is about to get bodied by the hallway ghosts this is just like a regular motel HUH UHHHHHHH

no joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy

mom i want to go home i dont want to stay in santo berço anymore jesus christ

EP 11 how am i supposed to just start the next episode after that i think the mental image of brulio beating arthurs skull in is burned into my brain space

sandwich sandwich

i love the giant cows so much i want one GIANT CHICKEN LAY GIANT EGG I LOVE THE GIANT CHICKEN intimidating the human sized pig

EP 12 still thinking about how cellbit thought new zealand was so close to europe, he was so sure of it that he was making me unsure of where i knew new zealand was

both times thiago was played by cellbit some horrific shit happened so with arthur being an npc this episode im prepared for the worst also this starting soon screen is fucking wicked

are you telling me joui's max sanity is now 12 bros been losing it for so long hes stuck like this joui is the "damn, you live like this?" meme

CELLBO ROLEPLAYED TOO HARD HIS HEADSET JOINED AS AN ENEMY AND BEAT HIS SETUP

"that sounds like a book title" bro let the intrusive thought win

baby nidere

no way the cow has been suffering this whole time ill cry

theyre about to rp their way into an angry medieval mob when they get found with the body of the dead gatekeeper B) does santo berço have dungeons, bc if they do thats where theyll be sleeping tonight nvm the gatekeeper has demons inside him sorry joui HUh no way they killed the gatekeeper dude wtf

EP 13 chat's a bit excited to go in the cave guys if anyone reads this what am i supposed to do once i finish this season. what do you mean i just have to go onto desconjuração. what do you mean i have to leave this story behind. please let me keep all the characters in this one.

THE CAVE MAP IS COOOOOOL THE LIGHT MOVES WITH THE MINER everyone struggling to flip their characters 5 mins into the cave made me laugh so hard i had to pause to breathe

I LOVE MOLES DUDE THEYRE SO COOL ok but i dont love this many moles BRO I LOVE MOTHS TOO THIS IS AWESOME wait no i hate bats THIS MOTH IS SUFFERINGGGGG

THE SUCC hes about to kill them all with the Succ out of spite thiago never mock one of cellbit's monsters again ARTHUR ZIUM

door door door door door door door door door door the gatekeeper is alive???

ih arthur nah dude let go of cesar :(((((((((((( gotta hand it to arthur hes survived two of these situations now get it, hand it to him, CAUSE HE LOST HIS FUCKING ARM WTF HIS ARM DETATCH LIKE A LEGO sorry i vote we still kill the gatekeeper just in case just to be safe

EP 14 did cellbit have a past traumatic experience with a vacuum is that why he created the Succ

agatha?????? bro agatha's life sucked big pp

every time cellbit says hes excited for something i grow more afraid

if they kill and eat the gatekeeper would he also taste delicious just wondering

i think i might know the reason why 12 sanity joui has a funky grey form but 55 sanity thiago doesnt, but maybe im crazy nevermind thiago had the funky grey within him this whole time wait does that mean hes gonna die if santo berço dies DAMN

joui just really wants to see thiago naked also hes just blatantly stealing arthur's knife he really is losing all his sanity that was possibly the most unconvincing "nada" ive ever heard

EP 15 before i start a new episode i always go to the vod on twitch and watch the memes first so i can go "hehe" for five minutes, and then go "oh no" for the next 4 hours

hypothetically, if joui managed to get the symbol on him before anyone noticed would he have just lost all 12 of his sanity and gone mad cuz that would have been crazy :,)

this is it cellbit is finally going to kill npc thiago joui is so very happy about his shotgun i thought maybe he was getting better but hes whispering to it again

alright whats up with cellbit and the outwards opening doors because i swear i have never seen a door that opens out instead of in, are all the doors like that in his home these doors are made to have creatures attack from inside ih i just checked like 3 times to make sure i was on the right episode lmaoooo

"pobre martha" DAAAAAAMN MARIANA ICE COLD

one buff woman vs all 3 equipe kelvin who will win (1 woman) crazy that equipe kelvin managed to accomplish what took our group 9 episodes to get to lool they even got the leticio cacetinho dlc, but they did skip the spider boss fight and the entire house level

THE BLACKSMITH IS MIGUEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EP 16 the joui, liz, and arthur cosplay look like theyre going to a nice dinner meanwhile thiago, kenan, and cesar just look homeless

idk if thiago's making it out of this one :,) maybe we just take thiago's weapons its not like he can do much to help anyways kenan wants to skin him listen brother i dont think thats gonna work im at the 52 min mark and cellbit is acting sus af the blacksmith is about to appear and stomp them all or something

joui would roll a 99 and nearly knife cesar and liz is trying so hard not to metagame her way to the explosive backpack loving how trigger happy joui is right now go on guys give him more explosives what the worst that could happen

is kenan also a wellspring do they have to kill him cuz thats gonna be kind of awkward and on that note since thiago has the symbol on him does that make him a wellspring too ill cry i will cry

NOT JOUI APOLOGIZING FOR LYING ABOUT HIS SAMURAI ANCESTRY

damn that scene between joui, liz, and thiago was the best in the entire season

i would like to take this moment before they all get swallowed alive by some horrible sludge tentacle monster to proclaim my absolute hatred of Santo Berço. I know i said at the end of episode 8 that i thought it looked cool but im over it ive moved past that point in my life i hate Santo Berço

BIG GOOEY MEATBALL

"the people are happy here!" says the blacksmith as he currently has 5 people forcefully locked up for decades that have gone mad with probably no way of ever regaining their sanity i just realised miguel and the old blacksmith fucked and had a kid

final boss aboutta come crawling out of the meatball please stop trying to skin thiago the symbol isnt gonna come off

THAT WAS SICK AF THEYRE ALL DEAD AS HELL

???????????????????? "kenan you have one last sane move before i take your character and throw him off a cliff"

post i made after i finished osnf (made like 3 days later because i was so so so so so so so so so so sad)

https://www.tumblr.com/safetyobstacles/739056899257942016/i-finished-osnf-after-almost-2-months-and-you-know?source=share

#ordem paranormal #osnf #really excited for this tho #first series got me hype #manteiga na manteiga

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cr-pplepunx · 9 months ago

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i, a 19 year old disabled trans man at 11 weeks of pregnancy, am scheduled for a surgical abortion tomorrow at 2pm.

i suppose i just wanted to speak on my experience.

i am scared

i am sad

i am grateful

and i am sure

**massive trigger warnings for mentions of addiction, substance abuse, the pro-life movement, and domestic abuse.**

personally, this feels somewhat as a loss. i am of the belief that a baby is always a blessing (meant non-religously, somewhat spiritually, but up to interpretation). and if i had the resources to bless this child back as a parent, i would with immense joy. i have never intended to have a child; however several of my siblings, as well as myself, were unplanned and i have seen the miracle of a child firsthand. to have the chance to welcome one into the world would be a beautiful and well-worth experience to me.

however, i am an addict. before and after discovering my pregnancy, i have smoked weed, used MDMA, and drank alcohol. i have left myself dehydrated, malnourished, and extremely stressed out due to a current abusive relationship. not to mention, i live with currently unmanaged chronic and mental illnesses and can barely take care of myself. i do not have a job, and have an extremely hard time getting hired due to my circumstances. i am off to residential rehab soon. i am not in a place to raise a child, and it would be entirely unfair to both them and to myself at this point in my life. i am making the best educated and kindest decision i possibly can for both myself and this life inside of me.

i am extremely sure of my decision. but this oppourtunity for love and life being lost does mean something to me. and i think it is strange and unfair the way that so much pro-abortion activism is done so aggressively and with no compassion or consideration to the people who's abortions bring on sad and complicated feelings. painting it as a procedure with absolutely no possibility of emotional/physical short or longterm effects. refering to the fetus as a "parasite" even, and with no consideration to it as a possibility for human life. i dont mean this in any pro-life sort of way, i firmly believe it is a personal choice whether or not you go through with the pregnancy. i just think it is unfair to pregnant people to paint this wonderful biological phenomenom as a scary harmful inhuman thing. even some of the support ive recieved from those close to me has referened this idea of a "parasitic" baby i need to "kill". i dont know if its just my pregnancy horomones, or perhaps my sense of humanity, but that verbage and imagery was just sickening to hear.

i have recieved an incredible amount of support, however, that many do not recieve. i am extremely grateful for both the family and friends who are supportive of my right to abortion, and to have been born and raised in a state with access to this right (before 15 weeks at least). my stepmother has had an abortion, shared her experience and support, and she is paying for mine. my father drove me to my initial consultation (as my state's law requires a ridiculously lengthy consultation 24 hours prior to the actual procedure), and even yelled at the protestors outside of the clinic. my partner, despite our relationship's hostility, is aware of this procedure and fully supportive. i am aware of my luck and privilege, and my heart truly does go out to anyone going through this on their own or with less support. as well as anyone living without access to this right.

the process of abortion is very trans-unfriendly in my experience, and ive opted to act as female and accept being misgendered. of course the pregnancy and this process has been dysphoria inducing, but sometimes it's just easier to do certain things like this. my trans homies know what i mean.

it is also very unfriendly overall, as my state's process attempts to coerce or scare you into changing your mind many times before the procedure takes place. not to mention the protestors standing at the sidewalk calling you a murderer and lecturing you about your sins. however, the clinic i went to had volunteers who very kindly escorted me from the car to the door and attempted to shield me from any harrassment. the staff inside was very kind and respectful, as were the patients going through this alongside me. it seemed everyone was attempting to counteract the heavy nature of the procedure and overall unfriendly and anti-feminist process. seeing the humanity and compassion from the people around me has been a pleasant silver-lining.

dont let anyone fool you, abortion is a pretty common thing. i couldnt find an open appointment at any clinic near me. my father drove me an hour and a half to a 5:30 appointment in a clinic (that exclusively did abortion), that was packed full of people in need of abortion services.

this experience has taught me things about myself, and the people around me, and the world. i do not regret my choice and dont think that will change. but even if it does that will be my own journey, which should never take away from anyone's basic human rights. it is appauling, disgusting, and terrifying to me that access to abortions is so limited. it is even at high risk in my state of becoming more limited, or even criminalized. i will always advocate and vote to the best of my ability for everyone's access to abortion. and i hope anyone reading this intends to do the same.

thank you, if you did read this.

#abortion #feminism #radfems dni #pro choice #tw drug mention #pro abortion #trans inclusive feminism #ok to rb

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violetwitch12087 · 2 years ago

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While working at a gas station you get a visit by a particular 'ghost'

Gas Station (Peter Maximoff)

I walk into the gas station that i work at its boring theres nothing to do but just sit there all shift but i need the money so i guess imma have to endure it

I walk behind the counter setting my bag down in a cubby and walk over to some boxes filled with chips and candy and all that i pick one up carefully before i hear the bell ring i turn towards the door "welcome" i say and look confused when i realize no ones there i guess im losing it i walk over to an isle about to set the box down when something almost makes me fall it was quick almost like wind but theres no wind in here that thats strong

"Hello?" I say maybe its a ghost i mean i believe in ghost but why the hell is there one here? "Hey show urself asshole" i say loudly trying to seem more intimidating "uh okay" i hear a voice say the ghost just talked to me i whip around quickly to be met by not a ghost but a really attractive guy "uh hi im sorry i think im hallucinating" i say giving a awkward smile

I admire his features his silver jacket his handsome face his black shirt and pants and a pair of goggles on his head and his silver hair theres no way thats real

He smiles a bit his dimples showing making my knees a little weak "nope just me messin with you" he says and i look at him confused "what do you mean" i ask the boy "well im just really fast" he says before i know it a flash goes in front of me and the boxes are empty all the food in their place

"What- how did you-" i say before it clicks hes a mutant "mutant" i say and he nods standing there proudly "god you asshole" i say hitting him kinda hard "i thought i was gonna go to a mental ward" i say and he laughs before he pulls out a twinkie from the shelf and starts to eat it "why exactly are you eating that without paying?" I ask "well i just unloaded all those boxes and usually its another person whos in here when im stealing from this place so i think i deserve a twinkie" he says before he takes a bite

I shrug my shoulders "as long as you actually are nice and help around here and there ill let you eat as many twinkies as you would like" i say and his face lights up "alright" he says and i nod sticking my hand out which he takes shaking it his warm hand engulfing mine

I pull my hand back nervously "uhm do whatever you want i need to do some other work around here" i say beginning to walk away "well can i help? I dont wanna be stuck at home and i dont really have anyone to talk too" he says and i turn around smiling slightly before i nod and he excitedly rushes after me and we get some more boxes and he helps put them away and he even helped me wipe down the counters and sweep and mop

I turn to the silver headed boy "thanks for all the help" i say "yeah no problem, the names peter" he says and i nod "y/n" i say and he nods as well "pretty name" he says and a blush fills my face "thanks" i say "well its the end of my shift" i say and he nods understandingly "same time tomorrow?" He asks and i nod smiling "bye peter" i say and he nods before he watches me get into my car and drive away and he speeds away to his house

_____________________

Its been a cycle now that peters been at my job for maybe 2 weeks now and its finally time for my shift and for some reason im actually excited ive never been excited for this job who am i kidding its because of peter god hes so cute his hair his smile his jokes i just want him all to myself i just wanna cover him with kisses

I drive to the gas station and walk in setting my stuff in the cubby again and i hear the bell ring i quickly look up and see no one i smile before i go to the isles slowly walking through them before i feel something run past me and i turn around quickly but no ones there i keep walking when i feel someone playfully push me i laugh and look around more and eventually peter appears behind me

"Boo!" He says grabbing me which makes me scream and push him before we burst out laughing i go up to him and push him harder "asshole" i say smiling he pushes me back playfully and i push him back before we both are trying to push each other both of our weight on each other if one of us was to let go and walk away the other person would fall forward

I start playfully flinging my hands at him like a 'cat fight' and he does the same both of our hands just hitting each other like kids making me laugh more before i accidentally hit his face i gasp and he stands there shocked for a moment i laugh a bit "peter im so sorry" i say a smile still on my face and i lead him over to behind the counter and sit him down still smiling

I turn his head looking to see if theres a accidental mark "awe poor baby" i say teasingly and he rolls his eyes smiling still i lean down and place a kiss on his head before another on his cheek and before i know it i have his head in my hands his hands gently holding onto my wrists as i kiss his face over and over

I kiss his nose his head his cheeks as well i pull away still holding his head "you okay now?" I say a smile starting to appear back onto my face and he nods softly smiling a bit as well our smiles start to disappear before we both lean in and our lips connect him holding my wrists still my hands holding his head as we kiss each other lovingly turning our heads as well this has to be a dream

We finally pull away and i smile slightly at him a blush on my face making him smile as well "well" i say "yeah" he says "at least gou're a good kisser tho" i say and he smiles more "thanks you are too, does that mean i can kiss you again?" He asks and i nod frantically before we kiss again his plump lips my now new addiction

God hes so adorable...

*******************

Heres another onnneee yeah please request and chat with me and follow i hope you enjoy my posts more *mwah mwah mwah* bye i love you my love

#evan peters #quicksilver #peter maximoff #ghosts #imagines #peter maximoff x y/n #wattpad

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vexxandra · 2 years ago

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mini pac : small things for this week

ive been having a hard past few weeks, and sometimes its best to focus on the small things. in this pac, well be looking at some things to focus on this week to hopefully make your day a little better :)

pile uno: justice rx, ten of swords, two of swords, mistletoe

the cards came out very satisfyingly and very clean so i assume that what you need to focus on is imminent also to you, or at the very least, its very clear. pile one, you have to learn to let go, and stop looking at things so over analytically and logically. theres so much air here, paired with the mistletoe card leads me to believe that you guys are pessimists, or realists who in reality like to view the world through dark tinted lens. you guys like to look for and find the worst possible way things could go wrong and fixate on those possibilities. it may be difficult pile one, but try to let loose. if you have long hair, a suggestion id make to you is to let it down, or stop tying it so tightly. also opt for clothes that are a little less formal, and a little more comfortable! of course, these are just suggestions, and you are by no means obliged to follow them !

little afternote: omg! i just realized that this mistletoe card (seed and sickle oracle deck) has two swords on it as well! so pile one, this is a super, super prominent sign that you should try to let loose this week! a little at a time goes a long way.

pile dos: the magician, four of swords, two of wands rx, wisteria

the cards came out... interestingly. definitely, lool. anyways, i feel the sense that you at the same time a workaholic but also someone who likes procrastinating. cause with the magician and the four of swords i immediately got the vibe that you have some very priority projects that are taking up a lot of your time, but in the meanwhile, some very important things are being left in the dark. im seeing your relationships with people, but it could also be basic things that are not getting done, such as painting a room, or cutting your hair, or even getting enough sleep. this week, pile two, please take some time for yourself. put that important project on hold, and focus on the small things. im seeing going for a walk, or maybe watching a comfort movie. just something thatll ease your mind, and give you a break. for some of you, get some sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!

pile tres: page of swords, seven of pentacles, the sun rx, rowan

a heavy emphasis is coming up about relationships, but mostly family and close friends. i also see you being urged to create new relationships with people that interest you, or maybe rekindle old flames with people whom you once knew. whatever the case, this week, take time for the people you love. whether they be family, or friends that just as good as, spend quality time with people that are most dear to you. strengthen your bonds, and a weight will be lighted from you.

#tarot #tarot reading #pick a card #pick a pile #pac #weekly pac #weekly tarot #pick a pile tarot #pac tarot #have a wonderful day :)

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time-is-restored · 2 years ago

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fellas that last ted lasso episode. hmm.

listen i'll be real no matter what im gonna be out here gushing abt trent crimm cause he's my special little guy and im obsessed with him, but considering the Literal Paragraphs ive been writing abt all the shit i LIKED about the show, i didn't know how else to process these Less Good emotions than by blurting it all out over like two hours (instead of doing the dishes, lmao).

tldr; s3e2 was such an emotional high point for me, since i really felt like it had something concrete + specific to say about physical violence + social/emotional violence, and how they're BOTH highly valued as masculine ideals. but the episodes since then...

it kind of feels like im watching the result of a long and bloody fight between different writers? writers who, apparently, wanted Very different things from this last season, so now we're getting this. bizarro world mish-mash of two hypothetical shows, where tone + content + themes vary WILDLY and inconsistently from episode to episode - and even scene to scene!

[cw: discussions of sexism + racism, in a doylist context, also s3e5 spoilers]

specifically, i feel really disappointed and hurt that they went that direction with shandy's arc. i understand that we're only half way through the season, and obviously anything could happen between now and then but... really? like, is there some kind of budgeting issue here? we can't afford for there to be more than three (complex, not sexy lamps) women in any given episode? is that why the second jack appears, barbara loses any depth (what happened to that lovely moment of connection with the snow globes????????), and THEN the second SHANDY goes off her head it's. jack time? apparently???? like. this would feel a lot better as a viewer if at this point the show hadn't PRIMED me for jack doing something insanely stupid + cruel for no reason except 'haha Keeley Bad At Her Job'.

like. the first thing we see of shandy fine is her pride in keeley, and genuine appreciation of her hard work and skill. she's CLEARLY not stupid, otherwise why would the rest of her introductory scene be her helping keeley out with filmmaking advice (the extras thing) AND random, life experience shit (knowing how to deal with goat shit)?? she knows her way around a set, and she doesn't make any of the footballers feel judged, even when she's clearly thrown by the clips they're providing her.

so why in the space of like, barely a few weeks, does ALL of that get thrown out the window? 'condoms for balls'??? why are we supposed to just take for granted that she's stupid + overly ambitious (other than the Fucking Obvious!) when the show put NO effort into actually setting that up???? like, if her first scene was her monstrously fucking UP the shoot for keeley, and keeley hired her on pure sympathy then like. sure. whatever. no room for bleeding hearts in business. but that ALSO sucks as a story line for ted lasso, a show that (according to its OWN press releases!) is supposed to be about kindness and human connection and breaking cycles!

it just. it hurts? in a way where its like, i don't believe even a little bit that this was what the writers were aiming for with those scenes, and it frightens me that there could be such a wide gulf between intent and result. especially when bonding about The Shandy Incident is what got keeley and jack together (which i am trying... So hard to feel positive about, because explicitly confirming keeley's bisexuality is amazing, least of all bc it makes her jokes with rebecca feel a lot less mean-spirited on the writers' parts, retroactively)... like how am i supposed to be enjoying their moments together when i feel like the show's whole premise has been betrayed???

and really? the one moment nate gets to feel good in this WHOLE season, it's bc the server at the restaurant who previously could not care if he dropped dead right in front of him showed him some affection + validation?????

like, sure, i GUESS im happy that this random excuse for an arc has lead to a slightly more sympathetic female character existing at least in the PERIPHERY of the show's main storyline, except no im fucking not? i don't care about this fucking restaurant, and even though ive been DESPERATELY trying not to hate jade (even though the writers themselves can't seem to decide if she's Literally Racist or just a depressed service worker) NATE shouldn't care about jade! the ONLY way i can see this being an actually interesting arc for nathan is if its another exploration of his inability to leave behind the things + people that have hurt him, combined with years of conditioning where he's never allowed to express being annoyed/upset at anyone (which richmond!!! contributed to!!!!!! 'if you're mad, count to ten. if that doesn't work, count again'??? cool speedrun tips for resentment ted!). like, an arc where we see that distance away from richmond hasn't helped nate as much as it's removed some of the worst triggers, so a taste of athens ends up in the same awful pit of resentment + loathing as ted did. which nate clearly hates! he doesn't LIKE being that person! he apologised to a PAINTED DOLL of ted!!!! but when he doesn't have the framework or tools or SUPPORT to do anything else...

like. where is his team? obviously im not expecting the show to start being about a bunch of football players that AREN'T from richmond but? even just a small moment of appreciation? or hell! maybe they hate him! if we could see LITERALLY ANYTHING abt the sport which nathan has dedicated his life to, and how his Actual Coaching style is positively or negatively impacted by the lessons he learned at richmond? this is a show ABOUT football!!!!!

i just. a taste of athens? again? a-fucking-gain?????

and honestly, the worst part is that i REALLY liked the little monologue that nate got to give about how important the restaurant was to him! as much as it showed that nate is still just as passionate + earnestly defensive of the things he loves, it ALSO shows that he 1. spends that energy explaining his passion to people who don't deserve it/won't care, and 2. gets attached to things that really fucking hurt him! and like. i am on my hands and KNEES for that to be the 'point' of this arc but at this point i feel like that's me being naive! but if fucking JADE from fucking ATHENS is the civilising white gf who FINALLY talks nate down from him ~ ignorant, vengeful crusade ~ against the absolute ~ matyrs ~ of goodness at afc richmond, i just. like. what are we even DOING here gang?

i don't know. it hurts that sam's gone from being an almost principal character in s2 to only getting passing lines in s3. it hurts that rebecca's off in her own world, talking to strangers, having life-changing revelations on her own, surrounded by sets we're never going to see again, where every scene she DOES get to spend w one of the richmond members feels hasty and rushed, like the episode wants to get a few characters obligatory appearances out of the way asap. it hurts that all the chekov's guns around zava's arc (jamie's resentment, ted's lack of guidance, dani being 'demoted' + colin being benched) were apparently all just blanks, to be hastily plastered over with one big long speech about... ted wanting everyone to have higher self esteem, or something?

and listen, more the fool me if another episode comes out next week that i completely adore, and i spend like five days singing its praises. im mostly writing this so i can go INTO the next ep without feeling resentful + upset! i'll be STOKED if i was wrong and all of those little details ARE actually important, and these arcs have more to them than this! but for now im just sad and annoyed :(

#ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso critical #<- this tag has like five posts in it total so i sincerely doubt anyone here needs it but i also Definitely don't want it showing up in the #main tag so??? fr pls lmk if anyone needs a specific tag for this #also. i swear im gonna stop malding and go to bed any minute now but #would rlly love if we got more than one episode dedicated to keeley doing her job. would love if we got more than one episode of ANY of #these characters doing their jobs?? hey what the fuck it just hit me there's been no training scenes since ep 1 #(not counting jamie + roy since that's JUST jamie and roy - not all the coaches and not all the team)#like . remember how that's how ted won over the players to begin with? his coaching style? and how energetic + involved + earnest he was?#the way he ran laps WITH the team and then made a joke out of how they all beat him?#its just. lots of telling and not showing this season which im really hoping changes soon

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bubblefina · 2 years ago

Text

No Puppet Strings Attached 7 [finale]

Summary: When Katsuragi brings a puppet back to Tatarasuna, saying that he found him wandering the shores, the village and blade smiths took him in as their own. Something about the puppet struck a young girl's heart. Despite him not having a heart of his own, the puppet felt something that would seem to be impossible for someone like him to feel.

Pairings: Scaramouche x f!reader

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

How much time has passed? She didn’t know. Confined into one place for such a long time, it became hard to tell when the sun rose and set.

A decade could have passed, and she could have thought it was just one long week.

Time is different now. Not having stepped outside since her capture. Dottore said it had been almost 2 centuries since that day, but she refused to believe it.

150 years spent confined in the laboratory and the cell she called her bedroom. Would it be appropriate for her to start drawing lines on the walls, to count how much time she spent there?

It was no use, she did not know when the day began and ended. Not even he would tell her, for unknown reasons.

For all she knew, he could be lying about how long she had been there. Her mind wasn’t strong enough to fight him anymore. She gave into whatever sick games he played with her.

Every few years or so, he’d bring in a new test subject. They ranged from young to old, but no matter the age, all looked terrified. They should be.

Dottore, sickest man she ever met. He’d taunt her with his words. Telling her stories of how Tatarasuna was but an abandoned wasteland, no one dared stepped foot in the vicinity, they were afraid to bear the wrath of Orobashi.

Tales of those being plagued with Tataragami were seen as a legend. He wanted to hurt her, but he couldn’t. No tears fell, no anger flooded her veins, she was empty.

To him, she became less and less useful by the day. No matter how hard he poked a syringe into her skin, she didn’t flinch, if he shined a light into her eyes, she didn’t try to close them. No amount of crude experiments would phase her.

He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that she became so compliant with his orders. Truly, he wished for the time where she would fight against him, not wanting to lay on the laboratory table. He missed the chase, it was exciting to him. A hunter trying to catch his prey, it flooded his body with more dopamine he could imagine.

It was years of acting like this until one fateful day. She laid on the table as always, as he inserted a needle into one of her veins. A material began to move its way down the IV bag, she of course didn’t know what it was.

“You would not believe who I found bowing to the Tsaritsa yesterday.” Dottore said, clicking some of his test tubes.

Y/n just hummed a response.

“It's been some time since I’ve seen him last, but it seems that he’s joined the ranks as a Harbinger. The 6th.”

Still no response from her, Dottore smiled to himself.

“Do you remember him? Your lover from afar, Kabukimono.”

Her eyes widened for a moment, and her heart pounded. No denying it now, the heart monitor he had set up for her showed it.

“Ahaha, so you do?” He walks close to her, setting down a few vials of potions and whatnot.

“You’re lying, you always are.” She replied, her voice dry from not talking for so long.

“Oh little dove, when have I ever lied to you, I could recognize him easily. Short Indigo hair, same colored eyes with red in the corners. He dresses a bit differently now, attitude shifted as well.”

“You’re not going to get a reaction out of me.”

“Hmm, tell you what. I’ll bring him in tomorrow. He’s meeting with Pierro as we speak, getting to know the other members. So I'll have to show him around the laboratory and my dearest test subjects.”

“Do what you like, I don’t care.”

“As you wish, little dove.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

When tomorrow had arrived, Dottore escorted y/n to a room she had never been to before. There were multiple prison-like cells in the room. Many other subjects were already behind bars, tied up.

He did the same to her. Putting her all the way back in the shadows, handcuffing her wrists with the chained cuffs that laid on the floor. He also gagged her, for what he called “safety measures.”

It felt like hours before anything happened. The other “prisoners” kept quiet, but they weren't gagged like her, which she found weird. She almost fell asleep until she heard loud footsteps and voices coming down the stone stairs.

“This is a room which I use only for special occasions, as you will see it is occupied to the brim. Only for you, Balladeer.”

That was Dottore, and he was obviously talking to someone. Someone that was supposedly Kabukimono.

“Tch, I have no need to see your lowly test subjects.”

There was a familiar tone in that voice. The manner of speaking itself was…so rude. She couldn’t believe it at first, but when they finally emerged from the stairs, her heart dropped.

It was him, he was here. After so many years he was right across the room. Y/n was at the very end, blood rushing throughout her body. She hadn’t felt this much emotion in so long.

The chains that bound her began to shake as she tried to release herself from her confines. Dottore heard them loud and clear, smiling even harder.

After a painfully long walk down the prison hall, both of them finally made it to her cell. She could see him perfectly clear. He looked as beautiful as the day she last saw him…but there was something different about him. He looked…angry. He could only see the outline of her body, her face hidden by the shadows of the cell.

Even though she was gagged, she tried to talk, but it only came out as mumbles. He stared down in more disgust, which broke her heart. The Kabukimono she knew always looked at her with love, even if it wasn’t her, the people he interacted with he was always kind to.

Just who was this man?

It seemed as though Dottore read her mind.

“Do remind me, what is your name, Balladeer?”

“Scaramouche, just call me Scaramouche.” he says, turning his back and leaving.

Much to her heartbreak, y/n continued to shake the chains around her, crying even harder. Dottores plan had worked, he finally cracked her once more.

“Well then, Scaramouche, shall we explore another area? I’d hate to leave you here surrounded by these people.”

“I wouldn’t call them people, they’re filthy insects to me.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

The next few days were Dottores favorite to witness. Countless hours of y/n begging him to see the man known as “Scaramouche”.

“Oh little dove, don’t you see. Kabukimono doesn’t exist anymore. You don’t think you’re the only one who’s been through so much torment the past century, right?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The poor puppet has been through hell and back too. Being betrayed by so many people, I doubt he’d want to see you again.”

“He’ll understand if he sees me. I’ll tell him what really happened, what you did to me and Niwa-”

Dottore slapped her in the face before she could continue.

“I brought him here as a little treat for you, since you’ve been with me the longest. Don’t think you have a right to ask for what you want all of a sudden.”

She stood there in silence, hand to her cheek that was burning. Dottore sighed, removing her hand and placing it with his own.

“Look what you made me do, I told you before not to get me angry,” He noticed little pearls of tears forming at the edge of her eyes, “Don’t cry now, everything will be alright.”

She stared into his eyes with a dull feeling, or at least that's what he thought. She may have been compliant in that moment, but deep in her heart, she had a new found motivation to escape, and reunite with her love.

And she was going to do anything to make it out.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

For nights on end she’d lay on the cold bed in her room. She couldn’t sleep, instead she would have her hands clasped to her chest, praying to whatever archon she could to give her the strength to leave.

As a Inazuma native, she should have called for the Raiden Shogun, for her almighty to strike down this fortress and rescue her after being kept prisoner for so long. But she didn’t.

The almighty shogun did not offer assistance to Tatarasuna when it was in need, so why bother trying to ask for help now.

During the night, it was colder than usual. Chilling to the bone. It didn’t help that the tattered robes that Dottore had provided were so thin. Perhaps it was winter outside, and that's why everything felt so cold.

It was almost unbearable, making her limbs shake as she held herself to keep warm. Falling asleep wasn’t an option, how could someone possibly rest if there was a possibility that they couldn’t wake up.

No, that wouldn’t happen. She will not die in this prison, she will make it out, and she will regain control of her life.

In the midst of her thoughts, she saw something sparkle from across the room. It was odd, nothing that could emit that kind of light would ever find its way into her room.

She crawled over towards it and picked it up. It was sitting on a bed of dust, which she wiped off. A silver border with a bright blue gem in the middle. A white snowflake was printed on top.

She had heard of this before, a vision. Bestowed on those who were considered worthy by Celestia. Had the gods finally acknowledged her? Had they taken pity on what she suffered through.

A dry smile appeared on her face. This was just the sign that she needed, she will make it out of here, and now she has the power to do so.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Y/n was sitting in her bath, today was the day that she would make her attempt at escaping. She observed the room around her. The pipes on the walls were full of water that ran through the faucet and into the bath.

After dressing in her robes again, she turned the faucet of the bath on again. Letting it overflow and spill onto the floor a substantial amount. Turning the faucet all the way until it became stuck and the water continued to rush.

Some of the water began to spill out of the doorway, which caught the eye of Dottore. Who could possibly ignore the sound of water dripping?

Bursting the door open, he walked in and asked what she was doing. She faked concern, running up to him, holding her robe close to her.

“The faucet, I tried turning it off but it wouldn’t budge. The water is getting everywhere-”

Dottore dismissed her, walking towards the bath. He began to attempt closing the faucet, clearly ignoring the girl. She patted the cryo vision that was hidden under her robes.

It was now or never.

Slow but swift movements through the now flooding room. Her heart beat increased the closer she got to him. If she succeeded, she would be a free woman, but if she failed she would succumb to the worst punishment known to man. Put under constant surveillance, once again her mind would break.

Her fists tightened, glowing a bright blue. Concentrating her hardest, she focused on the water. Dottores' legs were submerged up to his knees. Little by little small crystals of ice started to grow. It wasn’t fast enough, he would fix the faucet quicker than she could grow the ice.

She grit her teeth and focused harder. Cryo infused with the water began to accelerate. Maybe it was the archons protecting her, but he did not seem to notice the cold growing on his lower half.

Large chunks of ice had already swallowed his legs by the time he had noticed. He slowly craned his neck to look at y/n. She stared back at him with the same intensity.

“What. Are. You. Doing?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“I’m doing what I've wanted to do for so long.” She began to walk closer, slowly.

Only his lower half was rendered immobile, but his arms were still free. Once she was in arms length, he tried to reach for her, but she was quick to dodge it. She grabbed a sharp knife from the belt he had around his waist and ran towards the pipes on the walls, they were still running with water.

Using all of her strength, she punctured the pipe with the knife multiple times, creating a big enough hole, ducking when the water began to rush out. It hit Dottore directly, and wouldn’t stop.

Concentrating once more, she held her hands out in front of her. Cryo shooting out, freezing Dottore entirely. She turned to the pipe and froze it as well.

Even if he was frozen, she knew that his eyes were following her as she ran out of the room. The laboratory began to flood, so she had to make a quick escape.

Running through the lab, she grabbed a cloak that hung on the wall. Fastening it around her, putting the hood on. She ran up the stairs, going through every door she found. It felt like she was going in circles, but her adrenaline kept her going.

After her aching feet found one last door, it was locked. The lock itself looked old, it wouldn’t be hard to bust it down with something heavy. She did exactly that, hitting it with a stone multiple times before it cracked open.

Swinging the door open, she was welcomed with a snow storm. It wasn’t the ideal weather that she wanted, but it was the first time she had been outside in centuries. Placing a foot onto the cold snow, she flinched, but it had to be done.

Holding the cloak close to her, she began to run. She didn’t know which way was which, but she wanted to be as far away as possible. The snow was heavy enough to cover her tracks, and she didn’t know if she should be thankful for that.

If she dared cry right now, her tears would freeze to her face, but she didn’t care. She was free, she could see the sky, she could feel the wind. Her feet were touching something other than cold tile and concrete.

She kept running, and she didn’t stop. Not until there was a large enough distance in between her and the laboratory.

Her legs felt heavy after a while, causing her to slow down. She knelt on the ground, craning her head up to the sky.

“Almighty…shogun, please give me strength.” She whispered.

Forcing herself to crawl on her knees until she reached a place she could call shelter. However her eyes felt heavy. She hadn’t moved this much in so long, everything felt heavy and numb.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It felt hard to open her eyes. She didn’t remember when she closed them, but it felt like it had been hours.

That couldn’t be possible, she wouldn’t be alive if she fell asleep in the snow. Opening her eyes, she sat up and observed her surroundings. A rag that was on her forehead fell onto her lap.

She was in a room, a fire burning in one corner. She was still dressed in the same robes she escaped in. A warm blanket was placed on her, fluffy pillows to her back.

Did Dottore find her again? No, impossible. He would have her killed or locked up. She found her way to her feet and attempted to walk to the door, but her vision became dizzy, causing her to fall to her knees.

Alerted by the noise, someone opened the door. It was a woman that she didn’t recognize. She had short ginger hair, bright blue eyes. She looked concerned as she bent down to place her hand on y/n’s forehead.

“Honey, she’s awake!” she exclaimed.

A man now walked into the room, who y/n put together to be the woman's husband.

“Where-” y/n spoke, but she could barely put together the words.

“It’s alright sweety,” the woman helped her back onto her feet, “you have a fever so I’m not expecting you to be completely right in the head.”

After sitting back down on the bed, the woman pulled a chair and sat across from her.

“Me and my husband found you passed out in the snow while we were hunting snow foxes. We didn’t expect anyone to be in that area during such a wild storm, so we took you in.”

“How long…how long have I been out?” y/n began to cough, her throat felt so dry.

The woman poured out a glass of water from the pitcher on the small dresser next to her, handing it to y/n.

“We found you around a week ago. You’ve been in and out of sleep. We did our best to make sure you were drinking enough water since you couldn’t eat.”

“A week?” her heart sped up, “I’ve been out for a week?”

“Your fever has gotten better since we found you. Before it was hot to the touch, but now it looks like you’re doing better.”

“Thank you for taking care of me…” her bottom lip began to quiver.

She didn’t think that she’d experience freedom after so long. Dying in that snow storm felt more likely, but here she is. She’s talking with people who aren’t other test subjects, or Dottore. She’s in a warm room with people who cared for her even though they didn’t know her.

A few tears fell down into the cup of water.

“Are you alright?” the woman asked.

Y/n laughed, wiping her face, “I am. I’m better than okay, thank you.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

After the fever subsided a few days later, y/n finally got to take a bath that she enjoyed. One with soap and shampoo, she was finally able to wipe off the dirt and grime that she carried with her all those years. Best of all, the bath was warm, which made her feel safe.

After stepping out, she stared at herself in the mirror. This was not the girl that she knew back in Inazuma. She was more thin, scars covered different parts of her body, not to mention the bruises. Her hair was more brittle than it had been, and most of all she looked tired. Eye bags settling on the bottoms of her eyes.

Despite all of this, she still smiled. She had control over her fate now, no longer bound to Dottore.

According to Liliana, the woman with the ginger hair, their home was in the north of Snezhnaya, just about a day or two travel wise from the capital. Y/n wanted to leave as soon as possible, she wanted to know what came of her home, and to see if there was anything left.

That was her plan, but it changed once Liliana told her that the Fatui would be holding a parade to welcome the newest harbinger in the capital square. It striked her interest, she could finally see Kabuki- no…he went by Scaramouche now.

This time she won't be shrouded by darkness, he could see her face, he could see that it was her and he could come back to Inazuma with her.

After the blizzard subsided, Liliana and her husband accompanied her to the capital. The people of Snezhnaya were kind and hospitable, especially on the days of an event such as this.

The Fatui were the pride and joy of the nation, so welcoming a new harbinger was something to rejoice about. There were taverns full of people that were drinking, the streets flooded with multiple balloons and streamers. Even though the snowfall was light, it was still enough to make y/n shiver.

She was taking a big risk walking about in the open. Hoping that the cloak would hide enough of her face, she ventured onward.

When the parade started, she tried to get into the front as much as possible. Multiple parade floats started to move by, each showcasing a mural of a Fatui Harbinger, along with the harbinger themselves sitting down on a grand chair.

6th, the one she was looking for was the 6th. With each passing parade float, she craned her neck to see him. Eventually she did, there he was, sitting on his chair. His face rested on his hand as he looked uninterested in whatever the crowd was cheering for.

“Kabukimono!” She yelled, but her shouts were drowned out by the voices of the other people in the crowd. Yet, she kept trying, trying to get his attention.

If he could just look her way, if he could look her in the face…

His parade went by, but she was still determined to get his attention. Squeezing through the crowd of people, she pushed her way and tried to keep up with the float, simultaneously shouting his name, but he still didn’t hear her.

Eventually the crowd became too much, and they stopped walking. Staring at the back of the float before it was no longer there, she slowly began to head back to the tavern where Liliana and her husband were.

“You look sad dear, what's wrong?” she asks, noticing how y/n was just staring at the food in front of her.

“It’s not much. I came here to see the float, and I did. Now I just need to travel back to my home.”

“You’re thinking of leaving already” Liliana now looked sad too, she had grown used to having y/n around.

“I’ve been here too long, It’s about time that I return to my home, I haven’t seen it in a long time.”

“It will be a far travel from Snezhnaya to Inazuma,” she rustled through some things in her bag and placed a small pouch in y/n’s hand, “I know it’s not much, but it will last you a good time until you settle in some place comfortable.”

Opening the bag, she was greeted with the golden shine of multiple mora coins.

“I- thank you, I wasn’t expecting this…”

“It’s not worry dear, it wouldn’t be right to have you go out without any money. I wouldn’t want you to get lost in the snow and get another fever again.”

After talking for a few more hours, y/n said her goodbyes to Liliana and her husband. The parade festivities were still on going when she was walking out of the capital. People laughing and dancing, it reminds her of her village.

‘Returning to my home’ was that just an excuse? She didn’t have a home to return to. Dottore wasn’t lying when he said that Tatarasuna had been wiped clean. Niwa was dead, Katsuragi was dead, everyone that she knew was dead.

The island is still plagued with the residue of the tatragami, so even if she were to return, it would be a dangerous place to stay.

Home…is there a place that she could even consider going. For a moment, she thought that if Kabuki- no…Scaramouche. For a moment she thought that if Scaramouche had noticed her, she would be able to call him her home, since he is the last remaining person of the village along with her.

Reality has different plans, it’s just simply not meant to be, at least not anymore. She spent centuries locked with Dottore, and as much as it pains her to let go of Scaramouche, she had to. She needs to move on, to get the life she always deserved.

And that’s exactly what she did. She traveled down south to Sumeru and found shelter in Vimara village. The locals there accepted her very quickly, and before she knew it, she had found a new place to call home.

Her immortality was put into question multiple times, seeing as how she wasn’t aging at all, but she brushed it aside. Joking that she may have been blessed by Celestia at some point, to be able to live this long.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Hundreds of more years passed, and y/n was still as chipper as ever. Helping around the village in any way she could, taking care of the children whenever their parents were busy.

“Oh dear…” One of the elders fumbled about, rummaging through boxes.

“What’s wrong, Jehiet?” y/n asks, noticing her frustration.

“It seems that I have run out of potatoes and spices for our dinner tonight. The sun is setting soon.”

“Oh, well I’m sure I can go to the city and get some groceries for you.”

“Dear child! I couldn’t possibly let you go out this late, especially alone at that.”

“C’mon Jehiet, what’s the worst that can happen? I’ll be back before you know it, promise.”

After a few more times going back and forth, y/n was able to start adventuring to the city. The walk wasn’t too far, but it required a lot of navigating through the forest and greenlands, but as long as you follow the path you shouldn’t get lost.

Walking at night was peaceful. Watching the animals start to slumber, and the crickets play their song. From a distance, y/n could already see the lights of Sumeru city. It truly was beautiful at night.

Going to Lambads tavern was the best bet. It was already too late to do any cooking, so bringing back food for Jehiet was the best bet, along with the ingredients that she needed.

The tavern wasn’t as packed as it would be during the day, there were just a few people left. One of the tables was full, 4 people including a flying little white fairy thing.

“Hey y/n, what can I get for you?” Lambda asks.

“Can I sneak some of your lambda fish rolls, along with 3 jars of spice?”

“Of course, how many fish rolls do you need?”

“Only 3 for tonight.”

“That will be 2,880 mora.”

After packing the containers of fish rolls into one bag, and the jars of spices into another, she took one more glance at the table full of people. One of them had blonde hair, she looked like she was in a tense discussion with the other two. The floating white fairy took notice of the staring, but y/n was quick to divert her attention and walk away. She only needed to buy some potatoes from the vendor and then she could go back home.

While walking in the city, she couldn’t help but feel anxious. It’s as if someone were watching her, someone with malicious intent. She bought the potatoes in a hurry and left as soon as possible.

Going to the city was never this nerve wrecking, so why tonight of all days. Could it be him…? No, that would be impossible, Sumeru is supposed to be a safe space. Despite her saying that, she was still weary of her surroundings as she returned home to Vimara village.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Her feelings of anxiety seemed to be true when the city had been run rampant over the course of the next few weeks. The Akademiya tried to control things, but word had still gotten out.

Dottore of the fatui harbingers worked together with the sages of the Akademiya to build a fake god to replace Lesser Lord Kusanali. Hearing his name made y/n drop everything in her hands, which caused quite the ruckus. She excused herself to catch her breath.

She ran to a nearby river to compose herself, unaware that she had begun to cry during her escape. Looking at her reflection, her nose began to scrunch as she wallowed. Her anxiety proved right, someone really was watching her, it was Dottore.

His plans had been stopped in time before anything could fully go into the works. Putting a person inside the body of a self created god…almost like a puppet. How cruel of a fate would that be.

It had been weeks since she stepped foot into the city, she wanted to make sure that all traces of him were gone before she could go out again. Could he truly still hurt her even after all these years? Since he was a harbinger, he probably could.

One day, lost in thought while she was cleaning, one of the elders of the village interrupted her, telling her that there was someone here to see her.

Y/n’s heart sped up, but she shook out the thoughts that were clouding her head.

“Who is it?” she asks.

“They didn’t say, but it's a group of 3. The one asking for you seems rather…desperate to meet with you.”

Y/n took a deep breath, making sure that she had her cryo vision on her waist before she followed the elder to the place where he had left the 3 visitors.

The closer she got, the clearer she could see who it was. It was him…

She stopped walking before she could meet him face to face. Tears began to crowd her eyes.

“Is that her?” there was the floating white fairy, along with the blonde haired traveler.

“Y/n, why did you stop walking?” the elder asks.

There was silence, she couldn’t speak. Instead she clasped her hand over her mouth as the reality set in.

“It is you…” he said, slowly walking towards her.

Y/n now began to walk towards him too. It's as if there was a magnet pulling both of them together.

When they were finally in close proximity, all they could do was look at each other. She reached a hand out to move the hair out of his eyes. They were still the same, she then reached to graze over his cheek. He gently put his hand over hers.

“Kabukimono…?” she whispered.

Hearing her call him made him sigh with relief.

“Yes, yes! It’s me.” He pulled her in for a hug, and she returned the favor. Embracing each other after so many centuries, the timing felt so right.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him be this…expressive.” The white fairy said.

“He just found the love of his life again, Paimon. It’s a good time to be expressive.” the traveler said.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

That night, the village was rather joyous. A feast was spread out, which Paimon, the white fairy, took a great liking to. Y/n and Scaramouche sat next to each other and talked through the whole night.

“I hope you know that I didn’t leave you, on purpose that is.” she whispered, clenching the cup of zaytun peach juice in her hand.

“For a while I used to think that you did. It wasn’t until a few days ago that I learned that wasn’t the case.”

“What happened a few days ago?”

Scaramouche stared into the sky, his eyes following the twinkling of the stars. He took a deep breath before he looked down at his own reflection in his drink.

“The dendro archon allowed me to visit Irminsul, along with the traveler and Paimon. There I was able to witness everything that happened, what really happened. Not the version that Dottore told.”

He hesitated to make eye contact, but eventually he looked at her with pity.

“I'm sorry that you had to go through what you did. That I wasn’t able to help you when you needed it, that I couldn’t notice you in the crowd during the Fatui parade…”

“You saw all of that?”

Scaramouche nodded, “every single thing that Dottore did to you,” he began to clench his fist, “I will make him pay for laying his hands on you.”

“No,” she put his hand over his, “There is no need for that. You’re with me again, I don’t ever want you to go back.”

“Then I vow to keep you safe, and now I actually have the power to keep my word.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

She rests her head on his shoulder, enjoying the laughter that echoed through the village. Even though it wasn’t exactly the same, it felt like how it was in Tatarasuna. Both of them were finally home.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

After a gracious rejoice, Scaramouche took y/n back to Sumeru city to meet with the Dendro archon. With her blessing and the power of Irminsul, both of them would be able to live their lives normally. He would turn into a mortal, as would she.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asks him, both of their hands holding onto each other.

“I’ve lived too many years fighting for the wrong thing, I don’t want to be taken advantage of like that again. All I want is to be with you.”

“It’s kind of shocking to hear him say these things…don’t you think?” Paimon asks.

“Not at all, she knew him before he was taken in by the Fatui. She’s the only one who’s able to see him past his facade of a Fatui Harbinger.” Nahida, the Dendro archon, now approached the pair.

Combining the power of the Dendro archon, and with the power of Irminsul, a green light began to grow between the pair. It circled around them until it broke apart into two, entering their hearts.

Both of them undoubtedly collapsed from the amount of energy and power that entered them. By the time they woke up, it had already been a few days.

Scaramouche took her hand in his, smiling to himself.

“Your hands feel warm.” She whispers, making eye contact with him which immediately makes her erupt into a fit of giggles.

“A different feeling from when they were cold.” he replies.

She takes her hand and places it on his chest, feeling his heartbeat, growing faster the longer it stays. She didn’t have any words, all she could do was smile as he did the same.

After so many centuries apart, they were finally together again. Misfortune after misfortune, and they were still able to be reunited. It took a miracle to get this far, but they did it.

They were finally home.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Taglist~

@louise-rosita-leroux

@mysticparadisecrusade

#genshin impact #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche imagine #scaramouche fanfiction #wanderer #wanderer x reader #wanderer fanfiction #fatui #harbinger

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