#i feel like its mhie.

[milksnake-tea]

lui.

anon.

[iceunhie]

JEALOUSY IS A FICKLE THING...

ft. al-haitham, ayato, wriothesley, lyney

warnings : gender neutral, jealousy, mentions of suggestive content on wriothesley's part, established relationship, you are wriothesley's spouse. erm slight dark content but it's okay it isn't implied, we need more men like them in the world

mhie's notes : i used the wheel randomizer for this i hope everyone's proud i write for anyone other than scara ijbol

al-haitham’s jealousy is muted; quiet and hardly noticeable, often non-existent unless you have the fortune of knowing him deeply enough (kaveh). make no mistake, al-haitham trusts you, he simply doesn’t trust those that make moves on you when he was clearly right there. when some bothersome person disrupts you both on a simple date, which is already a clear red warning sign, for the acting grand sage hardly has any time to spare; naturally, his reaction would be to put a complete stop to any and all the flirty remarks towards you with a flat tone.

it’s not the content of the words that make the person making a move on you leave, but the slight menacing edge to al-haitham’s voice, a sign that if they do intend to cross the line more than necessary, he won’t just be using his words.

most would back off after a simple talking-to, but in the case that person doesn’t cease their advance, you can best bet your lover is steering you away immediately. dendro archon forbid they touch you or make you uncomfortable in the slightest, though, or else al-haitham has no qualms contacting the matra or taking matters in his own hands, but this scenario hardly happens often, given his seamless ability to get to the heart of the conflict and uprooting it so that no problems arise.

he’d most likely opt to diffuse the situation by straight-up telling any admirer of yours that you were taken and most definitely not up for grabs.

“they are my lover. since you’re clearly crossing their preferred boundaries and seem ignorant of the fact, i’d advise you to stop making them feel any more uncomfortable.”

though it’s truly difficult to get al-haitham jealous due to the excellent control of his emotions, tempered by his rational thinking, the most you can see of it is how he seems to stay closer to you than usual and the simple but firm link of your fingers as you both continue on your days.

(but if you notice him putting a subtle hand on your waist as you both walk, do try not to comment on it, will you?)

for ayato… er, why have you even bothered? if one even has the nerve to flirt and court the yashiro commissioner’s own partner, then that’d make you either not inazuman, or simply an idiot. it’s no exaggeration, but a simple fact. ayato is by no means a jealous man, but he doesn’t like seeing those not worthy of you hover around you with such impure and unwelcome intentions, so he tells ayaka and thoma, but really, he just wants to call the shuumatsuban on any who dares to even look at you the wrong way.

he bides his time well, approaching your admirer with a genial smile and elegant composure and indulges in small talk, but there’s a chill in the air and the looming feeling of doom as well as his smile that seems to see through any and all actions. its terrifying, really.

it also doesn’t help that he’d be extremely touchy in these moments, seeking to link arms with you and yes, even going as far as to rest his head on your shoulder, a clear indication of exactly how close you two really are. after you introduce him as your lover, at this point, it’s likely that the person making a move on you would back off and run away immediately, for how could they even dare to compete when it’s the yashiro commissioner himself who they’re facing?

he’d gloat silently afterwards in the comfort of his own quarters though, the sight of your admirer cowering like a dog getting cornered by a wolf, ah, truly satisfying. though thoma would eventually tell him to tone down the ‘borderline evil chuckling.’

“my love, have you been well? hm? the change of topic? ah, well, as the saying goes; ‘out of sight, out of mind,’ yes? no need to think about those that’ll only bother you. now, come here, there’s a new hotpot ingredient i’d like you to try… haha, relax, it isn’t dango this time.”

another one with a terrifying reputation and terrifying influence to make even the most daring of your admirers quake in their boots. wriothesley is amused - he gets that there’s hardly any window for romance in such a dreary place like the fortress, but even going as far as to court the duke of meropide’s own spouse? really funny, honestly.

but after the initial wave of amusement, he does take this time to immediately show off his status as your husband, showing off the matching wedding rings and even having the well-deserved nerve to smile and continue on rambling about your marriage, which is clearly a very happy one, judging by the way he presses a lingering kiss to your cheek while maintaining clear eye contact towards the person.

you’d have to wrangle in your husband when you both sleep tonight though, because wriothesley has made it his personal mission for any and all those who wish to covet you to show them that you were his spouse, and no other held your heart or your affections. when morning rises the next day, you promptly leave with a very visible bruise on your neck, and an especially relaxed and happy duke at your heels. most would look away in embarrassment, including your admirers, so that’s that.

“hah, that'll show any of those who have way too much time on their hands to lay their hands off my spouse. what? too brutal? well, sweetheart, what did you expect?”

oh my god lyney. haiz this enigmatic magician… magicians are all about masterfully weaving lies and illusions in order to perform to the top standard, and it's no surprise lyney also uses such methods when dealing with any and all annoyances in your relationship. he can be perfectly fine on the outside, but he has always been good with keeping his more sinister and less than socially acceptable side in check.

in fact, chances are he’d probably charm away your admirer with his own tricks; a wink their way and honeyed suave words to ease their love-struck heart and in seconds your admirer is up and away, promising to leave.

this often gets you disgruntled and in awe of his ‘performance,’ but lyney will always stave off your complaints or questions with a rainbow rose or some other fancy trick of his up his sleeve and guide you away, person courting you forgotten. all according to plan….

in all honesty, lyney isn't as composed about it as he seems. lynette can see it at a glance after you two have separated after the encounter. it shows in the way he broods silently for some time, preferring to divert the attention of such a sore subject away and going about endlessly about what new gifts he might give you or what seat was best for viewing, read: what seat was closest to him, for that matter. her brother was truly such a pain in the neck, and lynette does thank you for making him happy, but really, at this rate, you'd drive him insane by how much sway you hold over him.

“and just a trick of the light here and-! ta-da! a rainbow rose, symbolizing just how much i do adore you, way more than any other! …so don't try to pay attention to them, okay? after all, you've already caught this magician’s eye and heart~”

he can still be pouty and extremely clingy after the encounter though, which carries on whenever he performs any of his shows, where lyney always, always makes one of his acts feature you, be it a simple guess your card trick or his favorite, the one act where he leads you to land up on stage and give him a kiss based on the card’s instructions, it's all to show just how wrong anyone else other than him would make you as elated as lyney does.

@ MHIIEEE 2023 : do not copy, repost or plagiarize my work.

btw can you tell i had fun writing for al-haitham despite the fact that i have never even been remotely interested in him in the entirety of the game

[i23kazu]

"i see you haven't lost your touch at all, beloved." draconic eyes meet yours, softening around the edges — its hues of blue and purple swirling with affection as you step down from the ice rink.

cheers and applause long dispersed, the opera epiclese is silent, bearing witness to the silent exchange of adoration between lovers.

laughing softly, you take his outstretched hand and step forward, before pressing a kiss to neuvilette's cheek. his heart thunders in his chest like rushing water; all consuming, engulfing him in a rush of yearning and warmth all at once.

such a mighty being; enthralled under the spectacle of your gracefulness and elegance. such a being was yours, and yours alone.

"and you have never ceased to keep singing your praises for it, dear iudex." you reply coyly, linking arms with him as he guides you a ways from the spotlight. this was his time with you, and neuvillette would let no one take it away.

he sees the pointy curve of your ears, the faint scales littered around your skin, the cryo energy emitting faintly from your hand, snowflakes dancing across your palms. and yet, it isn't cold. if anything, it's anything but cold.

it's not cold like the deep waters of fontaine, or the glaciers of snezhnaya — the abode you reside in at present — neuvillette notes that it's just warm. like a flickering fire in one's home.

it's warm, comforting and reassuring; it's just like how you always make him feel. the way you move against the ice rink, the way arias and ballads fall so magnificently from your lips, the way neuvilette wishes for nothing but to stay by your side, as your lover and your most devoted admirer.

you may wield incredible control over the element of cryo, but he thinks you might as well be adept at pyro as well, given just how much it burns and yet nourishes him to even be physically be close to you.

🎙️— erm hey ying uh this is like super weird but anyways cryo sovereign reader and neuvillette is such a scrumptious concept i couldn't resist

this rabbit has fainted. the rabbit has fainted again– 

MHIEEEE !!! THANK YOU FOR GRACING MY INBOX WITH YOUR WRITING OMG this was such a delight to read?? mhie is serving supper for us rn omg ;;;;;; this is gonna go to my saved holy shit ME WHEN HE WHEN HE WHEN HE WHEN HE !!!! there's something about the way you write the descriptions just flow so wonderfully ohhhhhh it's like sitting on a park bench in autumn n people watchign... (yes ik i live at the equator... no autumn here for us folks :( )

WAAAAUGUHHHHHHH cryo sovereign reader n neuvillette are such a delight to read ough... THIS WAS SO WELL WRITTEN MHIE !! TYSMMMMM

[benefits1986]

Just My Imagined Nation

Time is but a dream and a reality that comes with its dragons and unicorns.  Let this thought fart be a super random dump, because why not, right?  Not sure about what hair color to get next. There’s nothing wrong about my current color, to be honest, but, I guess, I am just bored to see my face unchanged for almost six months.  Itching to get a tattoo just because a good number of my inks happen in June or near June. I’m already sold as to what to get but, thinking if I’d get it from my OG legend ink boss Faust or wait for my very elusive trip to Siargao.  Speaking of Siargao, been seeing a looot of posts and I’m really worried that the vibe won’t be as sedated during my last visit. Also, kasya na ‘yung jumper shorts ko na suot ko paalis ng Manila to Siargao back in 2018.  Next step is to get more active IRL na talaga. And more importantly, don’t be too focused on the aesthetic, but feel how the journey to being more attuned to health and wellness is the key. CHZ. Kakanood kay Jo Sebastian, the nutritionist. Makapag-tennis na rin ba? CHAR.  Actually, more of stretching ang focus ko and flow. While boxing is an option, pang-iwas anger management issues lang talaga ang dulot sa akin ng boxing. LOL. E dahil kalmado naman ang aking current org in general, I really don’t see any  Extra missing Palawan, too. Might swing a quick visit but, I’m hanging onto to an invite from a friend that was put on hold, yet again. Parang nanghihina talaga ako na walang labas ng Manila. HAHAHAHA. I feel suffocated and I feel mehhhhh, but, hoping that the Baguio trip will be a worthwhile one. Inom na inom na inom na akooooo as in plus the Baguio weather is calling. I think that I just need to wait a bit longer.  My twitching eye is bothering me a lot more. I know I have to lessen my screen time, so let’s see how this goes this coming week. Hinayan mo lang, mhie! We can do thizzz.  Ely makes me semi-permeable. LOL. Dahil yata siya ang unang baby na pinakilala sa akin nung zygote pa lang siya. LOOLLOLL. I don’t like kids but, she is just magnetic.  Weekend cooking begins tomorrow. :D Also, I really need to organize my room and my workspace.  Dad has been immensely adjusting to my new work pace. LOLOLLOLL. Gugulat ako e. Pero he has been more aware as to how I need my space talaga. Not always since he is in his andropause era. Let’s tackle that some other time. 

[opalthea]

hello and lovely day to xiao's one and only partner miss esther!! how are u doing today? random inbox moment, hope u don't mind heh anyways i don't know if its already Halloween for u but TRICK OR TREAT >:D question for u: do u celebrate Halloween? if so, what type of Halloween tradition do u think u and ur faves would do? mayhaps xiao enjoys the thrill of trick-or-treating..... hmnnn.....

It's passed Halloween by the time I received this, but you've wished it on the correct date hehe. Thank you, but I suppose I should be telling YOU that, because I don't celebrate the spooky month 😔. Happy Halloween to you, miss Mhie! Thank you for coming by ❤️

But I love the ideas and prompts that come from the traditions of Halloween, hehe. I figure that most of my faves would dress up to match me or each other, but there would be a limit to how extravagant their costumes are 👀. Like Xiao, say if I were to dress up as a witch, he'd be my black cat. If I were a werewolf, he'd be my vampire. Scaramouche would be the same, except a little over-the-top mostly to show off to everyone else about how much better your matching couple outfits are. Venti would insist on something like the angel-devil couple costumes hehe, he's just the kind who likes the mischievous outlook.

I will be honest, all genshin men (except Baizhu and Zhongli) are my faves, it's just that Xiao solos them all HAHA. Baizhu because I don't have any interest in him so far, and Zhongli because he's just too.. bland for me. I like him, but not enough to simp over him. So feel free to brainrot about the other male characters; my inbox welcomes it all! ^^

And oh, Scaramouche would definitely give you all the treats you'd want after you're done going out with him hehe!! He's just that whipped in the inside 🙄

[kurosukii]

i love it here sm. i dont know how many times I've told you before - I'm positive you'll either go "ah its this lil shit again" or "hehehe who r u i get plenty of this" lololol - but i really feel nice and safe on your blog haha. my gangbang, cock warming, gloryhole, & dilf kinks feel so cozy in here. i swear I'll chika uu when i lose the v (ofc ik its a social construct yes yes but for the love of lumpia i have not even been kissed yet pls) n e wayyyy thank you for that! (& thANK YOU FOR THE RECENT FIC!!!! manifesting you juicy adobo - bcoz we knoe there's those dry ass ones - within the following days ily ilysm thank uu for the food) hehe

love messages like this are always welcome boo i’m glad this lil nasty blog is a safe space for u <333 potaena ako rin mhie kahit 1 good momol sesh okay na sakin 😭🤚

[lienjhel]

ok so like, gusto kong irant mga lalakeng nakakausap jo right now.

1. A - bff ko dati, happy crush kk ngayon pero feel ko mawawala din, masaya kausap sobra AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA mabait, nag uupdate, hmm nu pa ba, supports me sa lahat ng ginagawa ko. ex crush ako neto, buti nalang hindi awkward samin ngayon na naguusap kami, I tried giving him hints about how I had a crush on him pero tinatawanan nya lang sinasabi niya lang ang dami kong qlam😭😭 may crush na siya, soooooo, and uh there's no way na magkagusto uli siya sakin, since I rejected him and told him to stop courting me on the day of his birthday. how cruel right? anyways, I could talk about anything kapag siya kausap ko, maybe its because we've known each other for 1 year? SHHAHSHAHAH lowkey lowkey lang siya, doesn't use socmeds that much and doesn't give a fuck about whats happening around him (like mga issues ganun and yung mga trends)

2. Y - idrk if thats his real name since dump acc lang naman gamit nya. uh, lagi siyang naka Lienjhel, I find it vv awkward and weird kasi no one has ever called me my name a lot of times in one convo lang, kada chat nya may name ko😭😭 nakausap ko na dati kaso di na ko nireplayan pag gising, nagseskate din pero ollie lang alam na tricks, 15 yrs old and sa roosevelt nakatira, I haven't seen his face completely tho

3. A - not sure din if eto talaga yung name nya kasi dump acc lang. Lien tawag sakin, jusko mhie bakit Lien😭😭 uhm, vv awkward and weird kasi kakausapin nya ko then pag nagreply ako, parang he's uninterested so idr quite get his intentions saakin. sends memes palagi, pag di ako nagrereply, magsesend ng pic or vid, di ko alam kung ano sasabihin ko😭😭 also, wala kaming matopic thats why di ko na sya nirereplayan, kasi parang di naman talaga sya interesado makipag usap with the way he talks, idk ha pero yung kasi pinpafeel nya saakin😭😭 i like his memes tho, nakakatawa palagi mga shineshare nya BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

i'll probably edit this later or tomorrow BASHHAHAHAHAH but this is all I can say for now hahahahahhshwvsj

[milksnake-tea]

Dunno if you've ever answered an ask like this before, but do you mind telling us about your mutuals?

Rather, their writing styles and how they interact (No pressure if this sounds like I'm intruding on a boundary or something, I've noticed that you reblog a lot of works and I'm trying to find more fic writers from HSR and Genshin to support, but sometimes it feels a little scary 😅)

HELP NO IT'S OKAY !!! no fear in asking, we love people like you <333 these are mainly the mutuals that i've read fics from so that i can actually tell you how they write but still. THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG ONE STRAP IN FOLKS. if i forgot ygs im sorry oops... also sorry for the tag COUGHS (esp to the ppl i keep tagging when i get asked abt my moots BYE kawa skip mhie naru ren im so sorry i love you i swear)

@generalsmemories

NARU !!! ONE OF MY FIRST EVER HSR MOOTS AND ONE OF THE WRITERS I LOOK UP TO THE MOST. her writing style is very scenic?? if i were to describe it, it's very dreamy and whimsical and it's like reading a fantasy book. very descriptive but not so descriptive that you're eating fancy words. she's jing yuan centric but occasionally writes for others such as dan heng and sunday! she's honestly very very silly when it comes to interaction, like in an older sister way <33 she talks like an aesthetic if that makes sense

@inarvii

skip has a very elegant feel to her writing like LORD. it's giving noble/fantasy thriller enemies to lovers but in a writing style i love her prose and how she really makes you feel the vibe of a scene. she's really kind and sweet, gives older sister vibes lowkey

@k9wa

kawa is like me but x497842389 cooler and with a lot better grasp on characters. you want proper characterization? you want big brain ideas? GO TO HIM. his writing feels theatric, like a movie or a play. it's so descriptive and he does an amazing job at describing action and characters and GRGRGRGR

@luvether

lord i dont know if its okay to tag you but uhm. hi waves hand 😭😭 honestly i haven't interacted w kou much but from what i can tell she's really nice!! BUT I HAVE READ HER WRITING. AND LAWRD. her writing feels like little snapshots of life, you feel like you're actually like. THERE. she always has the biggest brain of ideas i swear and i highly recommend her writing. mostly fluff with a touch of angst, one of my favorites fr !!

@emiken-070907

hi emi. bet you didn't expect to get tagged here huh. but you have one hsr fic and that's enough for me to slap you onto here and promo you (it's on ao3 and it's not an x reader, but it is a tragedy yanqing timeskip!!! i beta read for that btw flips hair (i still need to edit im so sorry emi please)). as for interaction, she is silly asf. TO ME PERSONALLY? shes like the ratty little sibling that you want to throw out the window but would also kill for. has great vibes over all, she's so sweet but sometimes shes a lil shit so. yeah. idk how she acts to followers but she is like that to ME. but she is full of whimsy and glee so there's that

@rainswept

edgar allan poe incarnate over here??? HELLO??? crow is. her writing is RAW. like okay this is going to get a bit gorey but they write like a freshly opened wound, it's vulnerable, it's poetic, it's pure imagery and i LOVE it. also another goofy moot. i think like just attracts like atp

@tragedy-of-commons

gwen is an absolute SWEETHEART. very silly. BUT THEY'RE SO SWEET. her writing is literally sunlight put into literary terms, if that makes sense. it's warm, comfy, and cozy (except when she kills you in the arms of your favorite character. which she has done) and i highly recommend her writing for a comfy read <3

@iceunhie

mhie is a HATER OF THE HIGHEST ORDER jk i love her she just bullies me GOODBYE 😭 mhie gives off older sister vibes, a lot of people (including me HELP) see her as intimidating but she's really sweet once you get to know her. or she calls you milk. who knows. ANYWAYS genuinely one of the people i look up to most, she always gives amazing feedback on writing and her own writing??? the prose??? she's a master at it. knows how to really elevate a piece and it's just really easy on the eyes. she's also a research writer, her jiaoqiu fic utilizes chinese proverbs and terminology and i think that's really neat <3

@st6rly

hi bottom beta. okay wait sorry you have a reputation i forgot ANYWAYS. SOL IS SUCH A SILLY GOOSE. i love him. BUT HE IS SO GOOFY AND I MEAN THAT IN A POSITIVE WAY. i haven't read that much about what sol writes unfortunately since i'm no longer interested in genshin that much 😭😭 but i've heard good things !! definitely someone you wanna check out if you like good vibes :D

@lowkeyren

ren my pookiebear my LORD !!! resident aquila favonia haver (she has like 21 as of right now) and she serves every time she writes. always gets slapped onto my rec list because she's one of the few writers that genuinely have me kicking and giggling 😭 really cute, really tension filled, one of my favorite authors :))

@scribs-dibs

SUNNIII true to his name his writing feels just so warm and light, like a slice of life anime. very relaxing reads, at least from what i've seen !! very warm, really really cute <33 like the main one that ive read from him is that alhaitham jealousy fic and??? the characterization was ON POINT. i loved it so much (the switch up made me laugh) as for personality. HES FUNNY. LIKE HES STRAIGHT UP HILARIOUS I LOVE HIM GO CHECK HIM OUT I SWEAR ITS WORTH IT

@akutasoda

q has a very pretty vibe if that makes sense, i haven't read much from them but i can definitely say that their writing style is beautiful, like a meadow full of flowers or a quiet stream. they've always been kind to me in that sort of older sibling way, and they're someone that i would trust as an emergency contact. lots of genshin and hsr from what i've seen on my dash, so definitely go check them out!

@aviiarie

avery's on the more reserved side, at least from my point of view, or maybe that's because when i first met them they had a ferminet pfp. they're pretty chill and casual, and can i just say? their writing is very easy to read, it has great flow and i can just lose myself in the fic. like i don't see the words i see what the words are saying, if that makes sense. avery also focuses on platonic writing, although they have been writing some romance with furina!! my personal favorite work of theirs was that fic of arlecchino comforting her crying child because it made me feel so much better about my life at 9 am when i just woke up.

@vynicity

FELICITYYYY she's a mutual in my heart even tho apparently tumblr thinks i dont follow her. but i do. ANYWAYS. another person that i consider on the more reserved side, but she's been fun whenever we talked. can i just say. SHE IS SO GOOD AT WRITING AVENTURINE. there's this one fic down the line about him being drunk??? i think??? and I ATE THAT UP because the tension and atmosphere that she managed to create. just magnificent. she has an aventurine series up right now iirc (i still need to read the new chapter im so sorry feli) and the prologue was. a roller coaster so definitely go check her out!

@vxnuslogy

vee is literally bursting with ideas and by god does she put them to use. i always see them brainrotting or thinking of new ideas or things to write, literally one of the most creative people ive met. can be a little silly, but still a sweetheart <33 her writing is more formal than what i'm used to i'll admit, but still a delight to read nevertheless <33 very descriptive is how i'd describe it, like it feels like she's looking at the scene as shes writing it

@ughscara

ayame is like. the sweetest person i have ever met. like ill be here being a little shit and she'll still be an absolute sweetheart I ALMOST FEEL BAD BECAUSE SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH MY ASS BYE 😭😭 i just recently reblogged one of her works and it straight up feels like it came out of a fairytale, it was so light and sweet <33

[iceunhie]

the heavy oak door swings wide open and hits the adjacent wall with a loud thud. a hooded figure makes its way in, body half-turned in an apparent inspection of the door. “a little unhinged, this one,” the figure mutters, before standing stock-still at the sight of the room’s inhabitant. 

“...you weren’t supposed to be here.” the voice, while gravelly, is strangely gentle. “be at ease, please, i’m just a feeble messenger carrying out my duty.” 

the ‘messenger’ rummages through the pockets of their cloak. “miss mhie, was it? got a letter for you,” they toss a neatly-sealed envelope through the air. 

Hello again, Miss Mhie.  Have you been well? [this part appears to be hastily scratched out] Did you… miss m(hi)e? First off, congratulations on surviving October’s EBG. I would’ve loved to send in more asks, but unfortunately I had some… rather personal matters to deal with. My sincerest apologies if you were ever looking forward to an ask from me. Now, I’d originally planned to send this earlier, but, well, better now than never, right? Alright then, here’s a little question to start us off:  What does loving the Wanderer feel like? To put it simply, I think it’s a storm of emotions. It probably gets confusing sometimes. One day you’re just madly in love with him, and the next… well, you’re questioning your decision. It’s the Wanderer, after all. You can never know what to expect. But most of the time, there’s one word I can think of to describe your love for him. It’s timeless. With everything he’s been through, you’d always been there, by his side, never once leaving. Maybe you don’t always see eye to eye, but you’d still support and love him unconditionally, regardless of what happens. Through eons.  This love is a mysterious, powerful kind. If I had to explain it with a colour? Loving the man (or should I say ‘puppet’?) of many names is midnight blue. It’s a stable kind of love, where you know that neither of you will ever betray the other.  Loving him is knowing that your heart is safe with him– he’s your sanctuary, and he always will be. So what does being loved by the Wanderer feel like? It’s a silent love. You’ll never hear him admit his affections for you. But! You’ll definitely feel it.  It’s in the way he silently leaves a plate out when he knows you’re going to be back late. No sticky note, though. It’s the way he lets you grab onto him when you awake from a nightmare– no snarky quips, no questions. Just sitting there, with you, in a comfortable silence. And if he deems it necessary to calm you down faster, you’ll feel a hesitant hand come up to pat your head softly. It’s also the way he’ll grumble and complain about how much of a nuisance you are, but then his eyes will soften and you’ll see a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. (Don’t point it out, or he’ll turn red as a tomato and bring his hat down to cover his face, all the while insisting that you’re just “seeing things”.) And maybe you don’t know this, but sometimes, at night, when you’re asleep and he isn’t, his tense shoulders will relax. He’ll run his fingers through your hair, and he’ll smile. Not the smirk people always see, but a soft, genuine smile he’ll never let anyone see. Only the moon bears witness when he leans in to press a quick kiss to your temple, and, after a couple seconds of hesitation, whisper an “I love you”. It feels good, doesn’t it? Knowing you can be as vulnerable as you want to be with him, and he’ll still accept you no matter what. Because that’s exactly what you’ve done for him. Take it from me. Loving the Wanderer, and having him love you back, is something really special. 

~‘printsessa’

dear printsessa nonnie, I've been putting off this ask because my jaw literally dropped to the floor and my heart swelled so much by this message ahhhh thank u for this amazing, amazing wanderer BRAINROT!! feeding my damn delusions and devouring so hard you probably ate EVERYTHING, including the plate.

WAUGH the silent love and.... the pun 😟

did you miss m(hi)e?

PRINTSESSA WHEN I CATCH U PRINTSESSA 💥💥💥

I love the way you write, I love the way you portray my dear wanderer so well!!! no, but seriously, bless U and ur heart. thank u sososo much for interacting w mee waugh pls i can't stop smiling like an idiot this whole time I kept reading BWKDJJDBWAJWW aughhh thank u for taking the time of ur (definitely busy) life to send me this sweet ask! (sure, there was a threat to my ebg safety there, but let's ignore that 😁)

anyways, again, im honored to be subject to ur writing and ur threats, though fragile-willed i may be for this frustratingly loveable puppet 👤 HOPE U ATE WELL AND CONTINUE SERVING THESE MASTERPIECES WAUGHHH

(and perhaps if u ever decide to reveal your mask and unveil ur true self, i look forward to being able to read ur work as a fellow writer. hopefully we become moots too eheheheheeh)

HERE'S THIS LOVELY BOUQUET FOR MY LOVELY ANON MWAHHHHHH 💖💖💖

[benefits1986]

homage ding 3x

Dragadagdag para sa lahat! LOL.

2009 or 2010 --- the first year I watched RPDR. I don't know where I came across it, but it was on Twitter or Plurk, perhaps. And as the niche comes more alive with a super thickening plot, let's try to curate the scenes in my book, shall we? Side Note: I am fully aware that there are so many controversies about this sub cult, however, it's but another art form on its experimental x postmodern era. Also, I don't like beaucons, pero, eto, pakkkakk. Sumasapak.

Why do I love drag race? The tuck is just so pivotal. And I see the kweens as babylans. Ganern. The duality of these creatures are soooooooo lovely to watch especially when they share their crazy stories that can go south, north, east, and west.

1 Ongina x HIV x Mac Viva Glam Campaign Challenge: This is where RPDR got me. Uwian na.

2 Reveal Violet Chacki: I had an era where plaid and jumpsuits are divine. Actually, until now, I love both! Seeing Violet made me believe there's more to the typical drag race cult.

3 Trixie Mattel and Katya: Super duper loooveee these girls because they don't look typical. And they look good even outside drag. Very butch. Also, they proved that they don't need a title to be on top. Trixie won All Stars naman din, but she remains relevant even now. Ang galing. Katya naman, super culture queen and again, super strong personality.

4 Pearl's nonchalance: Pearl is easily one of the prettiest faces. I think she was the first one who irked RP on air, or is it just me? LOL. What I love best about her is ang gwapo niya and ang chixxx niya talaga kahit walang effort. HOHOHOHOHO.

5 Kandy Muse and Monet X Change: The plus-sized ladies with unapologetic personalities. Periooodddtzzz. As punggok and a towering girl, galing nila magdala tapos very vulnerable and vocal din nila. Very kanal with a twist.

Living vicariously through them because my new body shape as I am fucking aging is like me getting to know me again. JUSQ. Apparently, from pear-shaped na punggok, NASA hourglass body type era na ako. Shemay. Gusto ko ng pabawasan 'tong dibdib kasi mhie, nakaka-ugh siya tignan. Though sabi naman ng tatay kong pakitong-kitong and mga purple people ko, it looks fine. Sabi pa ng tatay ko kung laser sa mukha na basic, anxiety levels ko 1000000x, paano pa pag may turok saka hiwa na. LUH. Hahahahahah. Hassle lang kasi I need to adjust my drips din because alam mo naman. Dati kasi in denial pa ako pero no. Andito na tayo. My body shape now is much like my mom and sa nanay ng nanay ko. For the past three decades, sa side ng dad ko kasi kaya naman, haynakoooow. :((((( 'Di ako insecure sa body shape ko, pero kasi alam mo 'yung naiba na siya tapos sa side pa ng nanay kong dragon. LELS.

6 Symone's Win: One of the ugggh-esst bit of the franchise is no person of color is winning. Ang tagal ko na napapansin neto to the point na parang gusto na lang ni RP na siya lang ba ang POC na may spotlight? There have been rumors na baka kaya nanalo si Symone is pressure and shift din ng power dynamics, socially speaking. All her outfits are soooooo well thought of. Nakakabilib pati her acting skills and everything else.

7 The Vivienne: An ode to Europa, iba ang kweens ng UK. As in. Hahahahahaha. She is such a vibe and very good din siya in representing her breed. Baka need ng deep dive neto kaso 'di naman masyado nage-gets cult nila din.

8 Jinx Monsoon: My baliw-baliw babyyyy. She is soooooo crazy na feeling ko 'may ka-wavelength ako. Pero syempre, living vicariously through her kasi 'di naman ako marunong ng sing, dance atbp. LOL. Everything about her is just magical to the point that I watch content outside the franchise na mga interviews and podcasts niya. LELS.

9 Sasha Velour: Super looooooveee her because her vision and execution are always spot-on. Superlative talaga. And she's known to have no wigs pero pakkkkakkkk na pakkkakk. She's a walking art talaga.

10 Utica: Isa pa 'tong super duper atypical na napaka evident sa Snatch Game na kadire na as Bob Ross. But her sleeping bag runway look is just sooooooo elevated.

11 Gottmik: Isa sa pinaka crush ko kasi naman her story is just sooooo divine. She's also this tiny babe na ang ganda ng voice and sarap pakinggan ng podcast nila ni Violet. Bagay sila pero parehas pasuyo kaya naman, baka naman or baka naman hindi. Hahahahaha. I love her looks pero obvious na ginastusan talaga. My fave looks niya is 'yung runway na 'di umano, USD 8,000-ish dripping in watches, 'yung dalmatian, 'yung parang santo na may sapi, atbp. LOL. 12 Raja: Super crush din because I loveeee that she embraces age and she ages gracefully. HUHUHUHUHU. Gwapo pa in all levels! Very Asian pero poppin'!!! LOL. LUL. Hahahaha. For the PH franchise, I think that it deserves another post because kakatamad mag-isip and watching all sesons para naman mas pakkkkkk. So what? LELS. This is a reminder that the queer life is the best life. Salamat sa lahat ng seasons dahil more than the kanal, kabaklaan, atbp na kadire side, this is a statement. I can't imagine a world where queers are literally crucified, died, and buried. And even when PH is still very tolerant lang rather than acceptant, andyan naman Taiwan or HK e for you know... making things legally binding, just in case. LELS. Hahahahaha. LUH. Let's not go there because alam mo naman. LOL.

And just in case I see my inaanaks and junak-junakans get on the queer game, jusq, ako mismo sasama sa bawat ganaps nila. LOL. Taruhhhh!

[benefits1986]

Season '86 Uppers and Downers

When winning is losing, too; so what, now?

Today's game brought me back to the favorite line of professors in Diliman campus: SO WHAT? My fearless forecast is that Taft will flood with glee because the kanal side of Katips is not ready to lose its high horse to win. Even so, winning and losing are the same in my book, and sanay ako pumusta sa patalo at patola school spirit, kaya push. :P Dad bashed me all throughout the day and I'm more than ready to see the end of this chapter. In fact, I'm closing this chapter because it has come to full and fuller circle.

More than watching the game live with people I am truly happy to spend my weekends with, the lessons and mistakes of this delulu chapter is kinda giving "Live Jesus in Our Hearts Forever" vibe. Hahahahaha. LOLOLOLLOL. So, let's give this a go shall we?

First, the bashing all the way is really entertaining. Probably, those that stood out most apart from my tatay na pakitong-kitong's crass calls like Cagulayan airball man, matatalinong bobo and matatapang ang apog are the following: (1) Baha sa Diliman ngayon with heart eye emojis (2) Hug kita, Bene. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Dapat sad ako kaso, hindi e. ROI na e lalo when I replied sa baha ng Diliman na: Okay lang. Dumanak din naman ng baha at uhog sa katapat e. Karnehan is real. Sa hug bit naman, as a topak-saltik-toyo girly: Hug with consent sooner? Nagreply naman, so good shit, siguro. I don't like beating around the bush. Derechohan talaga ang vibe ko. Yes or no? Go or stop? Push or pull? Super simple lang, so... abangan. :p

Second, while I detest my Taft tabi-tabi days, revisiting it at this time is really curious. I shared previously that I had a gala there late at night a week or so ago, and I realized that Taft is part of who I am and who I am not.

I remember the time when mother dragon slowly walked with the aid of her walker an hour before my student grantee interview. LOL. Shemay, mhie. Doon ko nadama na sobrang gapang lusak levels para sa dream niya for me, nanay ko. So graphic. She even told me that she needed one solid hour before the interview starts so that she can walk on her own. Feel na feel niya talaga 'yung entrance pa lang ng dream school niya for me. HAHAHAHAHA. TACCA, MA. TACCA TALAGA. Ugh.

I guess, it's one of her megadose milestones in her GBS era. When she faced the registrar who is pretty intimidating, she just shed a tiny tear as she bravely asked for a specific grant that surprised the registrar. Dad was an established bank employee so his pay slip is defying my mom's plea off the bat. Mom vehemently disagreed. She reasoned that while she knows the profile of the usual student grantees, I am a special case, an outlier. She enumerated her medical expenses which surprised me since she still has comprehension problems and spaced out memory.

She pushed it gentler and firmer when she shared that it's never her intention to make me an out of school youth and that she does not any other institution apart from this one. LOL. Siya pala OG fan girl e. She didn't wince as she shared that this is her going all out for her only daughter, her firstborn. She even said that I don't want to be housed in Taft tabi-tabi. HAHAHAHAHA. TACCA TALAGA, MA. She lambasted my Diliman dream and asked the registrar to put a stop to my madness dahil sayang daw ako if doon ako mapunta. I was actually at the brink of walking out because her savage levels are off the roof.

Mom even asked kindly if the registrar can give her me a go even when the reg already told her that the board will review and approve it. LOLOLLOLL. Humirit pa na isagad daw hanggang kaya. Gawaan daw ng paraan, paki usap. LOL. Taft life is tough. Taft tabi-tabi life is way tougher; but looking back, it had to happen to humble me and tame my wild child. LOL. LUH. I tried my best to be of use to the community but along the way, my sins are screaming scarlet. I'm not an A-student but I intentionally tried to get as much street smart lesson I can take in even when that means having only one full meal from early morning until midnight. May merienda and free food naman madalas as a volunteer, leader, utusan, rep, alalay, lahat na.

Third, winning and losing are the same because they are both end results. They are but a matter of timing, getting points, and luck, maybe. (Or baka lakas kapit levels is all the way to... chz) Both winning and losing are but consolation prizes especially for those who do it for the love (and hate) of the game.

Fourth, winning and losing are also not the same because one is euphoric and the other is graphic and may be traumatic or triggering, too. Hmm. Let me add a VICE VERSA here so it's more intentional. Winning and losing have highs and lows which depends on the lens that you pick and use. There's a triggering win and a euphoric loss. So, it's really up to you to choose your pleasure and pain.

Fifth, it's best to be with people who know what clean trash talk is. LOL. There's something so disgusting about personalan in line with asaran na good vibes. Games like these are bullies' paradise and the bullied ones concentration camp. SIGH. Thankful that I can have debriefs that are not condescending and creatively mean. ;)

Sixth, while I really want Ateneo and UP to fight or flight mode, this finals game is definitely meant to be. :) It is what it is and what it is not. Maroon and blue remain in me, but, iba e. The hunger of both Maroon and Green are really slamming hard. Sorry, but the way the graduating boys cried on screen is just to graphic, it's fucking fantastic. It's not even about the clever slant na poorest performance in 10 years. It's just not slaying it. Period. :p Numbers gaming na naman po para mukhang classy. LOL. Let's not go there, anymore.

Seventh, I will still get my NB 327 Burgundy in Japan. Periodt. It's a reminder that my inner child is healed and that my shoes are ready to take me to places that I've been sighing over lang.

Eighth, a small project that vanished into thin air years ago, knocked on my door again hours after the game. HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU. It's probably one of the side projects that I hustled hardest because it's close to home. ;) What I like about this second chance is that I don't usually give second chances to projects HOWEVER, the intent of the owner is so pure. Dalisay levels 100000000000000. So, eto na nga tayo.

For someone who is focused on slow growth era, totoo pala 'yun noh? It's not easy. It's so annoying. It's so constricting. It's immobilizing. Pero, it's a cup of iced matcha on a cold summer night stuck in fucking Manila with cinnamon, a bit of honey, silky soy milk and more vanilla with white chocolate. Aywaw. So, this long weekend, magsisiksik tayo ng time for year-end pasavogue na sabog aotm pero kasi, may magandang rason ako na hindi ko na need explain dito. :p Plus, extra-extra-extra effort sa projects na close to my maroon-dark blue hidden heart. Side hustles kasi are not distractions or escape. Maliban sa JaFunds and 2024 Super Southside Countdown, side hustles allow you to detoxify from your daily grind.

While I am grateful for my current post, I thrive in taking my weekends seriously. Think Haruki Murakami running to detoxify his writing grind. :D Ganun siya for me. Ganun lang. Bonus na lang talaga 'yung added funds which I am not saying sorry for because, 'wag ako. Fuck off. Not all people will get this line of thinking because growing up with limited resources makes one more open to opportunities that empower them not only sa finances, but all the more sa hunger and thirst nila for street smart tough cookie points. Always. 'Di kami fan ng legacy building kasi we are but made of stories that are lived and earned bit by bit. Wala kaming silver or golden or titanium platter, spoon, fork and knife. 'Yung legacy namin is bound by healing from our generational trauma. Pero syempre, I remember that apart from Jap, may Oz pa pala akong need itawid kasi Miles 'yun e. Sooooo, let's go all the way, okay?

[benefits1986]

Digital Detox

When your modern daily cross is a black mirror, spending quality time away from it allows you to see the universe in full color.  Fourth of May. Cinco De Mayo. My Taurus Twin Tower’s birthdays. V’s 40th death day. C’s death anniv. All died too soon. And this Labor Day... my ina’s 40th death day. The past weeks have not been easy but, I know something really curious is coming, or perhaps, already started. Still hanging by each moment that is either a spiral or a sparkle.  What did I do the during my first-ever long leave this 2023?  -Finally had a video call with my soul sister that turned out to be a session about the inner child conversations PLUS was able to finally tell her something I’ve been meaning to reveal since we were 17 years old (Yes. I’m that “not an open book” even to those closest to me.)  -Visited ina’s grave several times without breaking down when no one’s watching and started planning her eternal home in a style that best represents her existence and her after life, too (Damn. This is not about the glam side of burial spots. It’s about carving her corner where her 70-80+ kids, grand kids and great grand kids can come together.)  -Planning the restoration of my ina and ama’s humble home and turning it into a humble ancestral home which is so surprising as this has been a really, really crazy ride; but is here and now. (Never expected that we’d be on this page; but, hyperinflation is real so, let’s proceed with caution and a consistent set of actions. Will most likely focus on curating bits and pieces of my family plus restoring photos, mostly in film.) -MatchaME’s first voyage in the hilly sides of my ina’s sleepy town, an art hub in Laguna, another sleepy town where there’s a tiny eatery I grew up loving called Beatles (This happened during my Taurus Tito’s birthday.) In fairness, this B is really a good buy after the long wait since 2015. Will talk more about this soon because it deserves its own space and pace. HINT: No vinyl stickers, no bathroom tapes, no bike skin. Laspagan szn is on na ba talaga? Abangan ang B-Rides & B-Rolls: South To North Edition, mga ka-thiccs. LOL.  -Seeing a red pimped pick up (Rar!) and a yellow butterfly during MatchaME’s first 7Eleven stop over. Cried fat tears in between chugging cold caramel mach and polvoron which again reminded me a lot of my Tito’s usual merienda in our roadtrips. The pick up was very much like my Tito’s aesthetic so it’s not about the glam car; but how it reminds me that I have to keep moving forward and that though a pick up is a dream; truth is, dreams could be demons and dragons, roaring in red, too.  -Getting my teeth cleaned and hearing (again) that I have to stop munching on ice because my teeth are in good shape for my age BUT the cracks are gonna bring them down. The dentist is a Gen X liberal-conservative lady who wants to set me up with male people because she feels I am prime for survival with a pack. Later, she realized that she’s gonna have a really tough time looking for someone I can actually date. Let’s see what happens because I already politely declined but she insisted. LOL. Mhie, house plant era na po kasi talaga ako.  -Getting a turtle named Master Splinter for Batulao garden house. :D I can no longer get another dog, so let’s go with the reptilian empire this time. Also, my inaanak Z has a pet turtle!  -H1 life audit (jusq). No further comment, your Honor.  And “so what?” and “what now” monologues.  -Managing my dad’s looming spiral without him noticing it as a sneaky shithead me (LOL). Losing a mom is really life-altering.  -Ambient noise and sound immersion. Didn’t listen to any PL and rarely watched any vids/content pieces which is so otherwordly. Ah, analog in lo-fi and hi-fi... you are liquid gold, indeed -Vitamin D dose :D (Still didn’t get caramel skin because my hair color is a blocker; but really had a good time under the morning sun plus sunsets, too) -Looking after my cousins as they face a final battle with the Big C in the family WITH specific boundaries  -More hustle, more intent, a volunteer work that’s really close to my hidden heart and soul and a new workspace ---all these are coming this week onwards. Test of maturity, patience and intent. Never easy to be honest, but, I’m really, really, really excited. There’s something about the testosterone x estrogen x progesterone high and lows that gets me going. I really need to turn the “spiral” vibes to “sparkle” vibes. The spiral is not about work to make it clear. It’s about the road to 2024 and beyond. ;) LUH.  My soul sister told me so many times that something is OFF the past weeks. Told her that, after so many struggles, I am choosing peace amidst the chaos, the noise and the non-essentials of the gods. She was taken aback and so I am. She also told me that my aura is radiating a glow. As an empath, she is amazed and still in disbelief because for the first time in forever, I might have been changed for good. Let’s see!  May the Force be with you and me!  PS: Really need to rewatch Star Wars. Road to geek na ba talaga ito? (Stereotyping na naman po tayo, so early in the morning!) Daming XY na tatawanan ako kasi mukhang kakainin ko mga bashing ko sa kanila from then until now a; but I don’t care. LOL.   PS2: Hogwarts Legacy is still on my mind, heart and soul. :D Ang mahal though ng mga gaming consoles but, I’m thinking of making content out of this. Rar. Eto na ba ‘yun? Para naman sulit ‘yung effort saka first of hanashes in life. Abangan! 

[benefits1986]

Laksa Meets Sangria: Sedated Southside Stories  Two of my OG super low-key friends decided to catch up and settled for a housewarming visit that’s supposedly last September. Yep, we’re the 37-year olds who are more likely to have a “biglaang lakad talaga ang natutuloy” bunch. These two gents have been with me since high school.  The owner of the house asked us if wanted home-cooked laksa or Tajimaya. We settled for laksa. He even told us that it’s his first time to cook for a guest. I told him na tumigil siya. Hindi ako impressed kasi ang tagal niya magluto. He got some brie and manchego, too. I brought dinuguan, sangria, bottled tuyo and tinapa. Our other friend brought wine and Ritz which oddly pairs well with the cheese. More than the food coma after a really good fast, this sedated Saturday is a really, really curious one.  My other friend is a doctor who chooses to serve the underserved mothers who give birth in one of the busiest public hospitals in NCR. He devotes his time to exploring life outside Manila and enjoys Negros and Siquijor. Sakto, before his first trip there, he saw my stories and he asked me how the islands are. :D Sabi ko, bilisan niya punta kasi more than Hometown Chacha vibes doon. LOL. Told him to check out Palawan as it is also a really potent spot especially these days. If our schedules and pake sa life align, we can go together. As Tigers (born 1986), this is a quirk and a reality that we are managing. LOL. No hard feelings but that’s how we roll, babbbyyyy. Daming ganaps. Daming gusto. Too little time.  The owner of the house dabbles with the colorful world of pharma and comms. HAHAHAHA. No deep dive here because this universe is a Pandora’s box on its own. ;) But, so proud of this Aries ex-shithead because he is a dad of three already and has his fucked up ego in place, finally. 

We used to argue a lot ages ago because he reaches out to me during times of trouble. Akala niya ako si Mother Mary so he comes to me. Sineryoso ko talaga pagiging ninang nung eldest niya kaya no deal mga rason niya kahit well-articulated at sandamakmak na rebuttals. Tabi. Bubundulin kita. Hayup ka. Kidding aside, eto ‘yung isa kong barkada na nakakatikim talaga ng real kung real talk sagad levels from me, always. ‘Yung kulo-dugo levels na sobrang intense ko pagsabihan siya. Ang maganda is ‘di siya offended kasi sabi niya, totoo naman daw lahat ng sinasabi ko. :p His three kids are really, really, really lovely. Lahat, walang tapon unlike their dad. LOL. Kakapagod lang mag-English because they don’t speak Tagalog. They speak Bisaya. Plus, I don’t have patience for bonding over Switch with them talaga. LOL.  I really love bonding with these two kasi iba talaga kausap mga lalaki as a legit one of the boys kahit girly ang look ko at times. No pun intended. Parang laging naka-bullet points/flowchart/Excel and at this age, may emotional intelligence na sila na parang pang late 20s or early 30s. Pun intended. :D Plus, syempre, spoiled ako. May driver. May cook. May dishwasher.  May taga-tibag ng yelo na marami. May tagabitbit ng gamit kahit kaya ko naman. May taga-payong kahit ayoko rin. May bouncer. Without benefits pa ‘yan, so perfect!  By the way, the laksa is really good. I recommend to put more umami mala-Food Wars para addictive. It’s a mild, less creamy Malaysian version that reminds me of an ex-comfort food which is hotpot. I also requested for very firm noodles which he nailed, too. Galing. Not bad. Not bad. Puwede na. 

He’s putting up a food kiosk soon and I think that for the target market, this might be something interesting. I suggested na dapat may kasamang cendol na samalamig style para tubong-lugaw na, full experience of Malaysia, Truly Asia pa. (Gah, I miss food trip in Malaysia kahit sobrang humid and funky smell all around. Super underrated and super mura pa!) We’ve also tackled about a possible collab so, alam na this forda bills and the life after the bills, too! (Mhie, need talaga natin ng steady passive aggressive income streams because hyperinflation iz realllzzz lalo sa BGC gaming.) 

_____ Spent my first day of long leave in a neighborhood where my first not so tiny house could have been back in 2015 era. Funny how, I am on a roll in as far as connecting the dots backwards has been going. Solid na solid kahit sabaw na sabaw talaga ako sa mga ganaps ng 2023.  Perhaps, one of the most generous offers I got in the jobs I’ve been in is a housing plan in the quiet side of Nuvali. LOL. Such a fantastic offer, to be honest; and I was really taken aback even until now.  Back then, I was still in between the “KID” or “NO KID” era because we basic like that din naman noon. LOL. This spot is spot on for raising a family even when you’re a single parent (my go-to choice as an independent house plant) or an atypical family where there can be two moms running the home. Sige na nga, puwede na rin male na more than a sperm donor; basta pasok sa ayon sa nararapat na core values ko+++. Damn, those days, baby! So, it was really a plot twist that is on the cusp, right?  Plus, the planned biking lanes and the whole idea of an ecopolis really magnetized me. A LOT. A WHOLE LOT. 

After weeks of reflecting and overthinking, I concluded that the offer was too generous as I am off to the road less taken. Crazy, right? Of course, there were pushes and pulls, but, deep inside, I had to align my core rooted in going for organic growth. LUH. LUHHH. Dammnnn.  It was not an easy decision to make especially for a Bronx girl like me who is in her kinda adult, but not quite era; if you know what I mean. I was on my way to the big 3-0, and looking back, I was faced with two evils, two delights. This is where I realized that I am indeed not easily impressed. Periodtttt.  I had to uproot myself to move beyond my WHY. Little did I know that what I am after is my WHY NOT. Again, crazy but, that’s me. Was it ego? Yes and no. Was it pride? Hell, yes, THEN. Was it something I regret now? Hell, no. Hell, no!  While the idea of a 5-year solid career path was laid before me, the truth is that I yearn for earning my own stripes and profound battle scars. I had to say au revoir to my people then, because I have to be MY OWN PERSON. Being my own person means choosing to invest on myself because time is my currency. It was a tough call, but it made me tougher; even when I knew the journey I was off to would be long, winding and stormy.  When I got my tiny house near Tagaytay a few years back, this life chapter from my old life resurfaced. 2015 along with its ebbs and flow had to take place because it was what led me to my real bucket list hit. (Also, this was not part of my grand plan, either. It just happened.)  

I have a bucket list that’s devoid of social pressure, the glitz and glam, the route usually taken. It had to wait because I have to be more intentional instead of reaching for diamonds in the sky and superstars. Again, it was not easy and there were many, many times that I sighed over Nuvali “could-have-been” especially when I go biking there years back. Ganda ng biking lanes. Hard to beat talaga. LOL. (But, let’s see how the bike lanes near Tags will pan out. Inip na ako pero sige, sanay naman akong maghintay.)  However, 2019 & 2020 came and I guess, this is where my VENI, VIDI, VICI era officially started without me knowing it. This Saturday, I came home smiling as I shake my head one too many times. Thank you, universe for continually taking me to the unknown and the uncertain. Thank you for allowing me to become my own person in a world filled with too much noise, too much apathy, and too much keeping up with the Kardashians & Musks, too. Thank you for leading me back to spaces and paces where I can really tell myself, the world or the universe, rather, that milestones are made of roadblocks, detours, dead ends, U-turns, zigzags, bridges and even fallen bridges, too.  May I continue to choose the path less taken; but this time, may my pride and my mighty walls be pruned. May my pruned people, spaces and paces continue to grow organically as I share my tiny and kinda big sticks, too. In the same manner, may I learn, unlearn and relearn more as I curate real and lived stories in the name of love, light and shadows. Lezzzgowww, 2024!  PS: Taurus szn 2023 is indeed keeping me pumped. Grabe siya ihhh. Why naman ganun? Universe be like: why noooot? Right?