#i feel like its been so long since ive cuddled my bf but it was only yesterday lmao | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

capricornus-rex · 5 years ago

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Hey Hon! I have another request if that’s quite alright with you? What about Cal being needy and mushy for your attention? Like he’s clingier than usual? I haven’t seen any clingy!Cal (maybe bc it isn’t in his character?) on my dash so I thought I’d give it a shot! Let me know if this is okay :) Thanks, hon! 🥺💘

Hi Hon! Oooh, I like this one you got 😉 I personally think Cal is a closeted clingy Jedi bf, but when push comes to shove, I think he’s not afraid to be very cuddly and mushy. I think he’s great at hugging and cuddling!! 🥺🥰 I hope you’ll like the fic! You’re welcome, sweetie! 🥰💞

“His Spark of Light”

Cal Kestis x Reader

Read Part 2 next | Masterlist

1 of ?

Greez cranked the auto-pilot lever, hopped out of his seat to stretch his legs and arms, and then joined everybody out of the cockpit.

Cere was lounging in the holotable couch and Merrin was tending the terrarium. Cal was in the lounge by the dining area, lying down on the couch while hovering a ball over his face using the Force.

“Hey guys, quiet day today, huh?”

“Indeed, Captain,” Cere replied on behalf of everyone.

“Well, I was thinking of cooking up some deep-fried Nuna legs for lunch,”

The simple mention of that dish got everybody’s attention—for various reasons: Merrin was intrigued given that she hasn’t had a taste of many different dishes around the galaxy, Cere’s stomach growl when she started imagining it from its cooking process until it’s served, Cal had the same reason as Cere’s but another thing came to his mind—it was one of your favorite foods too.

The verdict was clear.

“Alright, I’ll start cookin’,” Greez hobbled to the galley.

Cere noticed that Cal had been quiet, a little dejected, but mostly bored the whole day. As a matter of fact, this was the only time he’s somewhat settled down; over the past four days, he’s busied himself with tinkering with his lightsaber—changing the parts whenever he feels like it—or simply meditating with the attempt of reaching out to you, even with the faintest connection.

“Trouble meditating again?” Cere said while standing by the open doorway to Cal’s quarters.

“Not much, just…”

“Your thoughts dwelling on [y/n] again?”

Cal had no escape from that question, he pursed in his lips and Cere took that as a yes. She called him for lunch and they went to the galley together. The smell of the deep-fried Nuna legs wafted around the ship, it made everybody’s stomach grumble. Greez added his personal touch of adding mushrooms and tomatoes as a side-dish.

Small talk revolved around the table as the crew ate, little BD-1 curiously scanned the food and drink on the table.

“You know, you better teach that droid some table manners, kid!” Greez grumbled as he gobbled his food.

Everybody except Greez chuckled over BD-1 and Greez’s antics. Cere still sensed Cal’s uneasiness. She quietly noticed that he took long in-betweens after taking a spoonful, he was quiet too even during conversations. In the middle of the meal, the holotable was emitting a ringing sound—indicating an incoming transmission—the first three rings of the alarm made Cal jump out of his seat at the table, jump over the three steps and ran to the holotable to switch on the projector.

A projection of you fizzled into the center of the holotable. Cal’s eyes lit up. Cere joined Cal at the holotable, and then later Merrin and Greez paused from eating to hear from you. It has been four days after all.

“[y/n]?”

“Hey Cal. Hi Cere,” you greeted. “Sorry I didn’t transmit as soon as I finished in Geonosis. I actually got sidetracked, I managed to hitch a ride with some rebel fighters.”

Through the transmission, you narrated how you met the rebel fighters during your solo mission on Geonosis. They didn’t ask much questions, although they did offer you a ride.

“Where are you headed to with them?” Cere asked, leaning closer to the rim of the holotable.

Despite the slightly blurry resolution of your hologram projection, the withdrawn expression in your face is evident. You sigh and then bite your lip as you carefully choose your words.

“It’s… well, they prefer not to have it said aloud, I’ll explain later. I’ll send the coordinates after this transmission instead,”

“Is it their base?”

Cal was trying his best to conceal his eagerness. The energy that was missing from him this morning finally appeared since you showed up—albeit as a hologram projection.

“I believe so,” you calmly said, clueless to Cal’s sudden mood shift. “They’re very… discreet about it.”

“Alright, we’ll be expecting the coordinates soon,”

“Sure, Cere,” you smiled and slightly angled your head to Cal.

“We’ll meet you there,” Cal concludes.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Along with the coordinates, I’ll be sending a code—for security purposes—once you get close enough to connect with their comms, they’re going to need that code to secure your entry.”

“Gotcha,” Cal replied.

You smiled before your projection on their end crackled and vanished into thin air. Shortly after the transmission ended, a “ping” sound rang in the holotable. Cal’s fingers typed away on the small control screen as the terminal received the said coordinates; a hologram of a planet with a single moon pops out into the center.

“The coordinates point out to this moon right here,” he zoomed in on the smaller sphere in the projection. He reads out the planet name on the terminal’s screen, “Yavin IV.”

“We’ll meet her there, but first: finish your lunch, please, Cal?”

“Okay, okay,” Cal childishly threw his hands up in surrender and marched back to the dining table and emptied his plate in a heartbeat—he practically beat everyone else.

“At least drink something so you don’t choke from all that food stuck in your throat,” Greez commented.

Cal snatched his stainless tumbler and chugged away at its contents, he wiped his lip with the sleeve of his jumpsuit and marched down the three steps from the dining room.

“Cal, kid, we aren’t leaving in the next ten minutes. We aren’t even finished with our food yet!” Greez exclaimed, stopping Cal from getting any farther from the lounge.

“Right, right…” Cal skidded his boots against the floor and returned to the dining table with everyone else. “Sorry.”

“Have you ever been to that place where we’ll be meeting [y/n]?” Merrin started the conversation. Her curiosity was always a good conversation starter.

Yavin IV was an addition to the list of firsts for everyone. The rebel fighters that you were with are just as mysterious. Cere presumed that it may not be the same rebel fighters as Saw’s back in Kashyyyk.

“But if they did help her, then we know that they’re on the same side as ours,” Cere added.

A few minutes later, Greez was finished with his food—along with the rest of the crew—and then marched back to his seat in the cockpit; Cal followed behind him and flopped down on his shotgun seat, he typed away the coordinates on his side of the control panel while Greez prepped the Mantis for the jump to hyperspace.

“Yavin IV is five parsecs from where we are,”

“Well, you all better strap in your seats!” Greez announced, slowly cranking the hyperspace lever until the stars were beginning to appear as thin, blue streaks of light.

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adlexegam · 5 years ago

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please tell me, am i in the wrong?

so basically i decided to join here cause i at least know my post wont get removed here. i tried posting my story on reddit’s AITA but my post kept getting removed because on their posts you cant post about abuse. so fuck it, here i am, hoping for someone other than my bf and myself to tell me im not wrong. context:i decided to invite my boyfriend over without telling my parents, i did it max 5 times. i was 16 at the time and he was 18. i got caught and my punishment was to get my phone taken away, my number cancelled, im no longer allowed to drive a car or get my license, im only allowed one friend, im not allowed my laptop anymore, im no longer allowed outside without constant supervision, cameras were installed in and out of the house, and just about every day since december of 2019 ive been getting told how disgusting i am for wanting to be with a n****r (my bf’s half puerto rican half white, i’m half hispanic and half white too), how if he was white he would have come to the front door and shook my parent’s hands and asked for permission to date their daughter, how im a dirty n****r lover who will get pregnant from him and have to slave away to take care of our half breed mistakes, how if i stay with him he’ll sell my body on the streets for money, how if i have sex with him ill get every std on the plant, all that 50′s bullshit. ive gotten pregnancy tested (im celibate), drug tested (mom claims she smelled weed in my room, so he’s a dirty n****r drug dealer apparently forcing me to do drugs, guess what i am against drugs since i know itll change my brain chemistry and i have weak lungs),and std tested (still celibate). for the first few months after they found out i was allowed my laptop at home to do homework, and only allowed my phone during school. one day i got home and i got greeted to the fact that i no longer have a laptop and now have to use the house computer to do all my work at home. of course i got mad because for months ive been doing everything they wanted, and suddenly im being punished for being suspiciously good? my mom got on top of me and fought me to take off my backpack to take my airpods too, left my phone on the kitchen table. i grabbed my phone and locked myself in my room. she found out i took my phone, and once i unlocked the door i held my phone above my head so we can just talk. instead she got on top of me and started scratching me and all over my arms to get to my phone. i dropped it from the pain of the scratches on my arms. earlier that same day i was getting ready for school with my laptop open, camera taped over, looking for any school assignments i missed. my mom unlocked my door and saw my nude body getting ready with my laptop open, and just went back to the kitchen table and told my dad how much of a slut i am and how im posting my nude body on the internet. i quickly put on clothes and came up to her yelling how im just getting ready for school and how theres tape over the camera. i even told her to look at the laptop, the only thing open was google classroom. my dad got up and started yelling at me for being a slut and for talking back. for once i finally got tired of being yelled at, i finally stood up for myself. he punched me in the face and when my mom got in between to defend me (she caused the whole situation), his swings went back in on her stomach. i screamed dont hit my mother and tried to push her off him, he used the oppurtunity to grab my shoulder by my uniform and punch me in the shoulder. everything was a blur after that. my mother drove me to school and yelled how i shouldnt have been a whore on the internet. i fought back. before i got to school i yelled “please, just fuck off”. this is important later, because she used me saying that as the excuse for her getting on top of me and scratching me and ripping my backpack off my back. because i swore at her. it was okay. but here’s the important part. he hit me in front of the camera. i knew the police would ignore the emotional abuse ive been getting for my entire life. i got my physical evidence. finally, after 16 years, i had my evidence. i told my boyfriend what happened, and we agreed to meet after school the next day and call the police. i wanted to be emancipated, since my parents adamantly agreed that i (apparently) only wanted to be emancipated because my ‘poor street rat n****r boyfriend’ was manipulating me into it. ive been dreaming of this day since i was 8, when i realized what ive been told wasnt normal. they showed up on the corner of where i called. i told the policemen what happened to me the day before. they asked if i had any scars or bruises. i said no, he didnt punch me hard enough to get a bruise the next day, and my mother didnt scratch me hard enough to get scars. they knew what would happen if they gave me physical evidence. after i said that, the policeman interrogating me asked me something that will stay with me until the day i die. “he never really hit you, did he?” i began crying and saying yes! yes he did! i have video footage to prove it! we have cameras in the house! it happened right in front of the cameras! more questions ensued, and i was brought to the police station while my boyfriend waited at a local coffeeshop for me to finally be free from the abuse. at first i was scared, but the cops calmed me down. i told them everything. all my memories spilled from my mouth like water from the niagra falls. everything came rushing out, my fears, my forgotten memories i forced into my box of never to be remembered, the times before i feared for my life, the times i knew something wasnt right. i told them everything from the bottom of my heart. they listened and asked all the right questions.(if you want to know what happened to me and what i told them, ill post them in a future post if anyone cares) one of the officers, the only one with melanin skin and a father to a beautiful girl, expressively felt sick from my stories, from my life. not even he could understand why, as a father, why any parent would find it right to do to me what they did. he was my favourite police officer, he was the kindest and the only one who really wanted me to feel comfortable. he talked to me on the level of a person, not a child. eventually cps came and he told me to tell her everything too. i did. she asked where i wanted to go if i got emancipated. i said to live with my boyfriend, his family is willing to take me in and once i get a job ill pay minimal rent so i can be free. she said ‘no, you cant live with a minor.’ i said he’s not a minor, he’s 18. she said ‘oh, then yeah you definetly cant live with him’ she said if i wanted to leave i would be put into a women’s shelter since i was too old to be adopted/put into foster care. she said i would be r*ped if i was put in there. she said i should just take it until im 18, then ill be fine. she said that there were no scars or bruises, so it wasnt that bad. (this part is blurry, the more i remember it the more the memories overlap, im sorry for any confusion) the police interrogated my parents. they believed every word they said. my mother used whitepages as a source to prove how my boyfriend lied about his name. my mother used our hours long calls to prove how im obviously being manipulated to lie. she said how im just a liar, as my father said, a pathological liar. they had no cause to me being a pathological liar, i was just born that way. i was lying to get into my manipulative boyfriend’s arms for my body to be used by him and his friends. i was obviously being manipulated, why would i want to leave my loving parents arms? i was obviously doing this just out of anger of getting my laptop and phone taken away, obviously. its not like they EVER did anything wrong to me, they were just teaching me to grow up a mature adult, ready for the world. they would never put their hands on me. the police never looked at the cameras. they never questioned me again. i was a liar. at home the child protective services lady said my room quote ‘ranked of weed’. i have never done weed. my boyfriend has never done weed in my room. at the station they said they couldnt find a record of my boyfriend. i later found out that, even after he gave them his social security number, they still questioned his existence. at the station they told my parents they couldnt find his record (he has none, hes never committed a crime). at home a therapist came. to my knowledge, my boyfriend was never real (no record) and i would still have to be at home. i wanted to die. the therapist said she wanted to take me to a mental hospital. my mom was there and consented. my dad later came home, yelled at me in front of the therapist. she said im suicidal, with his consent she would call her supervisor to take me to the local mental hospital. he consented. while she called her supervisor from across the kitchen, he said: “she wants to kill herself? fuck if i care, she can drown herself in a river for all i care” i sat there shocked. the mental hospital was a blur. once i got home i got my phone taken away too. my only communication would be from the 10+ year old computer we have in the kitchen. facing out so anyone that walks by can see what im doing. one of the cameras is watching me at all times, but is positioned so that it cant see what i am doing. once i got home i used our kindle fire. i logged into discord on incognito mode. i asked him to send me his birth certificate. was he even real? was i even real? was our late nights of cuddling nothing? were the walks in the park nothing? were the ‘i love you’s nothing? did meeting his family from an hour long train ride mean nothing? were the chinese food dates nothing? were the confessions of our embarassing secrets nothing? were the times we had non-vaginal sex and laughed in the middle from how silly we were being mean nothing? were the times we had tiffs and talked it out mean nothing? did he save me from my ex-abusive partner just to use me? were the times we layed down next to each other with the only covering being my blanket, staring at each other in wonder of how lucky each of us were, was that nothing? when we spent hours telling each other our entire life stories, was he lying? did the times he called my body the most beautiful thing he ever has seen, the times he’s said he didnt think he’d ever fall in love again from his ex, was that a lie? he sent his birth certificate. it was real. his birth date his name it was all real. he told me what happened to him. i told him what happened to me. he apologized for it going the way it did. i apologized for doubting him. child protective services sent a therapist me and my mother had to meet with weekly. 2 hours, 10 times. it lasted until the first weeks of quarantine. me and him are still in the same love we’ve has since before he found out how truly insane my parents are. the only reason we’ve ever gotten into fights is from how much he wants me to run away (before you say ‘ok maybe the parents were right, he sounds manipulative’, no, he only says that after every time something else happens at home and how he has to cope with the fact that im okay with being abused since its my normal. he wants me to run away from the abuse, not just so we can see each other again, so i wont be hurt anymore). he’s still the man i want to marry, the man i want to call mine and for him to call me his. we get scared the other might get tired of the waiting and just decide to leave for someone each other’s family would like. we talk through it. we know we can wait. i know i can take it until im 18. he knows he’ll be prepared to take me in once im 18. we know we can take the late nights awake, missing each other. we can take it because this isnt puppy love. this isnt purely passionate love. he wants me to be safe, and i want to finally be free. so you’re up to this point and you’re probably thinking one of three things: jesus christ can this lady capitalize anything?? or holy FUCK this is long it better be good or why did she title her post that? first of all, i do what a want nehenehenehneh second of all, whoever reads this needs the full context before i ask my question third of all, because of what happened a couple of days ago. a month ago my dad passed from covid-19. ive become the housewife while my mother has taken over the family business and my brother does the grass once a month. my mother still cooks, but i clean the dishes and fold laundry every day and vaccuum the whole house twice a week. a letter came in the other day stating how our child protective services case is now closed. they never found signs of physical abuse or neglect. my mother reminded me for the infinitieth time how stupid i am for getting manipulated. how much of a dirty n*****r lover i am. how i will never be anything without her. then she brought my father into this i started the situation, which made him depressed. he was depressed, so he couldnt fight off the virus. because he couldnt fight off the virus, he died. she blamed me for killing my father she blamed me for my father for deciding to go out every day without a mask for my father deciding to put in his eyedrops in an insanitary environment she blamed me it was my fault i knew i was leaving when im 18 i knew i wanted to tell my mother at least a month before i left that i was leaving but now theres no going back once im 18, im gone im never turning back i will never be treated like this or talked down like this ever again but who will clean? who will vaccuum? who will make sure the house is organized? do i stay? can i even go? i just dont know anymore should i go? and well, what i started this post with, please tell me, am i in the wrong? for planning on leaving when im 18? to finish this post, i just want to say a few things. dont tell me to call the police or child protective services.i already did. they believed my abusive parents and told them how they can protect themselves against me, since i was the one who started all this. plus, look at the fucking news. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. my boyfriend looks hispanic and i look white. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. fuck cops. not all cops are bad, but no cop should fucking gun down people for their race. no person should be judged from some racist person saying “oh im fearing for my life” and the person in question is black/a poc and is doing fucking nothing. they believed my fucking abusive parents because they threw my bf under the bus as bait and the police went for it. dont come after my family. all that will do is make everything worse for me. my mother can’t even look at a poc without claiming they’re related to my boyfriend and are going to follow her to kill her. dont do anything to me. just please answer my question. please just tell me if im in the right or if im in the wrong. i know this is abuse. i know whats happening to me is wrong. but i know i can take it. i know i can survive. i will survive and achieve my dream of becoming a doctor. i will be my own person. i am me

#numb #mental illness #abuse #trauma #sad #sadness #abusive #hurt #depression #acab #amitheasshole #aita #deep #emotionalabuse

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alicedoessurveys · 4 years ago

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Stage one: Emotions.

How often do you take actions you regret? not often, im very much someone who thinks things through first (sometimes too much) but will occasionally do things regret

Do you often feel guilty? yes Do you have a short temper? sometimes, depends on how my emotions are and what time of month it is...

When was the last time you lashed out at someone? I cant remember And why was that? I cant remember

Does it always seem like the entire world is out to get you? right now yes Have you ever had a serious mental break down? im living one right now tbh

What led up to this? (sadness, depression, fury, confusion, etc) not coping well with my illness, then covid invade and lockdown happened, I lost my job, im living with parents that don't like each other and cant afford to move out Do you believe it is just natural for humans to feel lonely? yes, I think we have this natural thing in us to find people to share our lives with Do you ever feel lonely, even in the presence of those you know or love? all the time yes Do you believe that these are the “best years of your life”? absolutely not. I know people say your twenties are supposed to be but mine have been pure shit. I was diagnosed with a incurable illness literally right before I turned 20 and ive been dealing with that since Or do you follow the “the best is yet to come” philosophy? I try to believe that the best years are ahead Does it sometimes feel like your life is being wasted or not going anywhere? yes, right now especially because I want to be out there working but ive lost the job I loved and cant find another because everything locked down Tell me about the last time you were truly, truly happy. the day I met my niece and cuddled her for the first time. I remember looking down at her as she held my finger and I just was so excited for all the adventures we are going to have together

Stage two: Relationships.

How long was your longest relationship? 3 months... cant believe it took me that long to realise he was a dick How old were you when you had your first boyfriend or girlfriend? 23 Do you (or have you ever) had feelings for the SAME sex? I have yes but I don't get the urge to act on those feelings Do you consider yourself gay or bisexual? How strongly do you feel about it? I don't know. I have more crushes on guys but have had the occasional girl crush too, but I wouldn't want to act on anything. but then again, I don't get the urge to act on feeling towards guys either so maybe im asexual? I honestly don't know but im not stressing about it Have you ever had your heart broken? yes Did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your high school bf/gf? I didn't have one so nope Is it harder to get dumped or do the dumping? both hurt just the same I think Have you been able to stay good friends with any of your exes? yes, although we don't really talk anymore If so, is there any tension (sexual or not) between the two of you? we did kiss once but it was nothing Would you ever date someone that your friend liked or HAD dated? it depends on the situation but doubt it no When was the last time you were kissed? last year, I miss having someone to kiss ngl Are you a virgin? Do you believe virginity is “sacred”? I am. I don't think its sacred and honestly don't see the big deal but I am one of those wait till marriage or at least wait till you're certain this is your person kind of people How many times have you been in love? Was it always real? never Stage three: Friendships.

Would you say that you have a lot of friends? I have a lot of acquaintances, a few friends and two best friends Have you ever been considered to be a “loner”? not really How often do you hang out with your friends? usually like every other week but cause of lockdown I haven't properly in months Do you have a specific hang out or house that you go to? usually the cinema, or round at once of our houses Have you ever done anything illegal to help a friend? don't think so, if I did it would be something minor If not, would you be willing to? What would be your limit? depends how major it was. like if he said rob a bank with me or commit murder then nope. but like, drive a bit faster because im running late then yeah but even then id still be safe Who is your best friend? VERY best. Choose. rhys Have any of your friends ever stabbed you in the back? yes Did you forgive them? Are you still friends? some yes, some no Are your friends the only people that “get you”? no Do you think your friends know you better than your own parents? yes Have you ever lost a close friend because they died? no Have you ever lost a friend because they gained a bf/gf and dropped you? yes Are your friends your support system? =] yes Stage four: Family Life

Are both your parents alive? yes Were you raised by your biological parents? yes Has your family ever been broken? not my immediate family, but right now they're close to breaking Do you think your parents respect your space? not really Are you close with you siblings, if you have any? very close How often does your family fight or have big arguments? right now every bloody day Does your family hold very high religious beliefs? yes Are you the “black sheep” of your household? no Have you ever in anger told your parent(s) that you hated them? no I never use that word directed at someone How often are you diciplined or punished or grounded? never, im 25. but even as a kid I was well behaved Do you feel like you are allowed to express yourself inside your own home? to a degree yes, but also no. im not allowed to swear around dad and im not allowed to get a rabbit Are your parents very controlling of the person “they want you to be”? not really Your family really does love each other, doesn’t it? I hope so Are you planning to move away when you turn 18? im 25 now and desperate to move into my own space but cant afford to

#survey #long

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96xie · 5 years ago

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2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

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matronaa · 7 years ago

Text

Jungkook “fuckboy?” drabble

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 1,637

Genre: Fluff/mentions of smut?

Okay look its about 1 in the morning while im writing this and i just got done literally scrolling thru @jungshookz e n t i r e page and honestly ive been delusionally laughing over her stories for like an hour and a half like the tattooartist!jungkook fic legit killed me i love it and i’m probably going to force my friend to check her out because legit i love it so much and she seems like such a funny person and if she sees this 1) ily and ur writing and i wanna be friends but idk how to start a conversation because im a awKwARd bEan and 2) im sorry for probably spamming ur notifications with likes okay i couldnt help it so now im inspired for the first time in a while to write but im way to loopy to put together an actual fic so enjoy this ig

Okay i should stop rambling (okay just note that im so sleep deprived that i had to google ‘words for excessive talking’ to remember the word rambling because im an idiot and i cant think and ooo its 1:11 am rn make a wish b*tches)

Okay im sorry ill begin~

A/n all of this is completely unedited and if bad grammar annoys you srry not srry

Lets talk about what fuckboy!jungkook is oki

I feel like in reality there are just a bunch of rumors about him but hes so smol and hes the quiet type so he doesnt have the energy to dismiss them

Like im sorry soft jungkook is way to good in my mind rn okay #cuddles4days im not in the mood for him to strangle me with his amazing biceps

Anyway

you never rlly met him in the 4 years of going to the same highschool as him (since you’re in those smart people classes like humanities) until senior year

You and him had the same AP Lit. class lmao english class is l i t

Which surprised you bc of the rumors like i thought he was a badboy ?? arent those normally idiots ??

Nah my bby is a smart nugget, he just likes to look hella bf 25/8

First day of school cliche where you show up late to class and have to sit next to him because i d i e for those plots okay

But you dont know thats him because you’ve never seen him, so you’re confused on why most of the girls keep glaring at you

But soon enough you catch on and you’re like fml

And then the professor is like “where you are sitting is your assigned seating for the rest of the year” and you’re like f m L

He ends up introducing himself to you because i mean like table buddies

But hes really nervous because hes a cute little bean and you’re hella cute cuz lets be honest ur probably wearing like basic black leggings and a hoodie with your hood over your head to hide the bed hair you didnt feel like brushing that morning

Oh, just me? Okay…

He likes ur name because it rolls off the tongue and he thinks it suits you even tho he doesnt know you

Yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You dont really think hes a fuckboy because he seems so nice and he has the cutest lil bunny smile sEE

That is until after school u end up getting to ur locker late because u left something in one of your classes

And u see him pinning a girl against the lockers down the hall

And ur like well shit nvm

And u quickly get ur shit and go because das a w k w a r d

But then he sees u run off and hes like awh crap i dun fucked up

A few weeks go by and u notice he barely really comes to class so u usually sit alone

On days he does come his chair seems extra close to yours and he’s basically smothering you

But u dont mind because he smells nice

And on the days he does come you get kinda excited because

1) you get a partner who doesnt expect you to do all of the work

2) this boy cute when he gets all intelligent

Ur like “yes pls continue speaking about the essay we are writing that i have no idea is on because i kept getting lost in the sound of ur voice”

He notices when u zone out because you start staring at his lips when hes talking and he thinks its the cutest thing

One day u get assigned a week long project and ur close enough friends with jungkook to basically scold and force him to come to class all week

But only if he can force u to come to his house to work on it after school

Which you’re low key nervous of because ur going to a ‘fuckboy’s house’ by yourself

And u dont wanna do the dirty because ur a pure child haha not for long

But you agree anyway

And honestly even after the project is done (which you got an A on) you continue going over to his house because his bed is comfortable and he always has snacks

And his mom loves you

Like legit on days you dont go the next day you do she’s like “wheRE WERE YOU”

When the semester is over the professor lets you pick seats but you both enjoy each other’s company so you stay seated together.

finally ur at his house one day and ur just laying on his bed scrolling thru insta and he’s sitting on his bean bag in the corner on his phone and u look up at him and realise

Shit

You like him

Like a lot

And u mentally face palm because this was not supposed to happen

But it happened and you’re too far down the hole to climb out

Sometimes u end up napping at his house after school because his bed is more comfortable than yours and one friday night u wake up in his arms

And its like the best feeling ever

Its so warm and hes so cuddly hes like latched onto you

You stay under the warm blankets before you question when he even got in bed since he was playing video games before you fell asleep

And then his phone lights up and ofc you check it for him bc ur a nosey bitch

But not before you observed how adorable he was while he was sleeping

Nope not creepy at all

its his friend tae texting him (you didn’t really know his friends since you had different friend groups)

You check it and its smth like “stop staring at y/n while shes sleeping and reply u creep”

And you’re like w a t

So you scroll up and see that while u were sleeping jungkook went on a full rant on how cute u are and how whipped he is

And ur like holy fadoodles dis boy likes me

And so u decided to text tae like “this is y/n, does he actually like me”

Which turns into you both having a convo on how thirsty jungkook is until he wakes up

Hes like wtf r u doing and he snatches the phone and reads through your messages with tae while u like sit up to stare at him

And he’s still half asleep so it takes him to realise whats going on

“Omfg y/n i can explain-”

He starts rambling about how long he had been crushing on u and that he didn’t want to tell you because you seemed uninterested so he kept it a secret and never told anyone

And honestly he was freaking out because the onE tiMe he tells anyone that he likes you, you find out

But while he’s rambling you’re coming up with an excuse to text your mom that you’re spending the night at his house, so you just say he’s not feeling well and his parents are gone for the weekend.

Lmao she doesnt care she’s just like “lmao ik ur lying but have fun dont get pregnant”

Or Maybe thats just my mom idk

You have to shut him up by snatching his phone out of his hands and kissing him

When you pull away you’re just like “you talk too much lmao”

You explain to him that you like him too and u just get under the covers again and snuggle up next to him, and he wraps his arms around you

And you stay like that for a while before hes like “its late you should get home”

And you tell him you’re staying the night whether he likes it or not

And he is so down for that

But then you end up just spending the weekend there because why not his parents love you

And every night is just filled with cuddling, watching netflix, making out, late night snacks, etc.

Saturday night he gets a lil touchy and soon enough ur like straddling him and grinding your hips against his

But then he’s like “Ive never done this before” and you c o m b u s t

Ur like aren’t you like the school fuckboy how have you not done this

And he tells you its all just rumors and hes too lazy to set the record straight

And you basically decide to take things slow that night since it was you’re first time too and honestly it was so cute

It wasn’t really steamy rough sex it was more soft fluffy love making that is filled with giggling and exploring and appreciating each other

That was definitely the night you fell in love with him

Which is big because you thought love was gross

The next day you’re cuddling and he’s like “you know ur my gf now”

And ur like duh

You start going on cute dates after that like going to cafes or amusement parks

He loved taking you to the beach during the summer because u looked gr8 in a bikini

You found out you were going to the same college with was fantastic, so you decided to rent an apartment together nearby the campus instead of living in a dorm.

Which normally you’d be against because moving in together so quickly ?? but you felt different like this relationship was going to last

UNTIL HE CHEATED

Lmao jk gotcha bitch

My baby is too pure and innocent to cheat

Well innocent until you both get into bed and then oh lord it gets steamy

He wants to experiment with like e v e r y t h i n g and honestly you were down

But ofc you set some boundaries.

There were lines he couldn’t cross

I mean sometimes he tried but you shut that down real quick

Overall your relationship was perfect and you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend

I mean he brought you pizza rolls and dr pepper to ‘study dates’ how could you not love him.

Oml it took me over an hour to write this its like 2:30 am why am i awake anyway imma go to bed now, idk ur name jungshookz but pls write more fanfics i need more to read late at night okay gnite

#jungkook #bts #btsjungkook #Jungkook oneshot #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #bts one shot #jungkook x reader #jeon jeongguk #im so sleep deprived #why am i awake #imagine #bts imagines #jungkook ima

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saintkimora · 7 years ago

Text

ok……..here is the long awaited post of what happened on saturday night! (Last Saturday night btw not yesterday night) ive been too busy to post about it until now but it is juicy

so as i said on saturday, joel and i were texting on and off that day but it was weird as usual. so after i showered i wrote out a text to him saying that even though we havent been communicating much recently i still miss him and think about him all the time and that i appreciate the chances i do get to talk to him. so i sent this message but literally the second it sent i got a message from him. like we sent our texts at the same time. so i started reading his text and it started with “perry……im really sorry but what we have isnt working out” skafjhkajdhfkjads so i felt like a jolt in my legs and had to sit down. so he sent this long ass breakup text and here are the basic points that he used

he isnt ready for a relationship/exclusivity (even though HE was the one who literally deleted all his dating apps the day after we met bc he wanted to focus on pursuing me)

he hasnt been making the effort and i deserve someone who does

he hasnt been opening up and he is aware of that bc he knows he isnt ready

i deserve someone who is in a better place in their life than he is rn/someone who has their stuff together

i dont deserve what hes putting me through

he wants time to be single and make mistakes and regret them (stupid ass reasoning btw)

he knew using texts was the wrong way to end it but he wasnt strong enough to do it in person

he apologized if i feel like i wasted my time on him/if i regret anything ive done w him (since the last time i saw him before this was when i had sex with him)

hes sorry that he isnt treating me better

not my fault at all

so yeah that was the text! i didnt even read it fully until later on like i skimmed it and called him immediately and asked if we could talk in person (ofc i got all choked up trying to ask and almost started crying over the phone) so he said yes he owes me that much so i grabbed my tissue box, tried to put on my shoes (my mom had to help me bc i was shaking too much) and drove to his apartment and then sprinted to his apartment from where i parked a block away. i got there and his roommates werent home so it was just him. he opened the door and i said hi and he let me in and it was v solemn so we went into his room and sat on his bed and this is where the drama really started

so i was like “can i have a hug” and he was like “yes” so we hugged and i started crying. so we hugged for a while and then we separated and i was like “ok so explain why you want to end this” so he started explaining it to me. i was crying and he was crying too but i was crying more obv! i was like bawling. his eyes were red and tears were falling and he was sniffling but he wasnt like crying hard

so he just explained that he was in a bad place when he met me and he still is in that bad place (in reference to his depression) and how its not me its him and how i deserve someone who puts in the effort and doesnt distance themselves from me and actually has the time to see me and i was annoyed bc caleb did the same thing and i am sick of other guys telling me whats best for me like *vicki from rhoc voice* how do you know whats best for me? and like obv just bc you have depression doesnt mean you dont deserve love, like he said he still liked me and wanted to be with me and how it was breaking his heart to have to do this so i did not want him to end something just bc he felt he didnt deserve me or that he wasnt worthy of my love or anything like that

so he also explained how he wasnt ready to settle down and i was like sis we arent even officially boyfriends yet, its not like im asking you to marry me and have kids lmfao and he said he wasnt ready for exclusivity so i was like “does that mean you wanna fuck other guys?” and he was like “i dont know” so ????? and he was like “im feeling conflicted” so i was like wtf is going on in here on this day

also i asked if his roommates were home and he said no he was home alone tonight and that was part of why he was feeling so bad and its like sis…..if being alone makes you feel worse then making yourself even more alone by breaking up w me doesnt seem like the best way to fix that! and i told him that i was free tonight and he couldve just invited me over if he was feeling lonely and he was like “i thought you would be busy” like sis literally the only times i am ever busy on saturday nights is when im with him!! lmao

he also said he wasnt opening up bc he couldnt/wasnt ready for it yet, but like i wasnt asking him to open up like all i wanted was for him to put a modicum of effort into our conversations just to show that he cared, like we can just keep doing fun things like im not asking him to get all deep and vulnerable with me (although i would love that too)

so we just had a very emotional time, i was crying my eyes out nonstop and he was lightly crying as well, there was lots of hugging and holding and stuff so like i was really really REALLY losing it like i was so MESSSSSSSSSSYYYY like i was just getting all in my feelings and saying all the things im gonna miss about him and like apologizing for anything i did wrong/apologizing for not being enough for him and like it was really really bad. but i was still also cracking jokes like a dumbass throughout the whole thing lmao bc i like to find the humor in things

i decided to mention that i was originally planning to ask him to be my bf officially on our next date (that plan had changed since he became cold and distant the past week or two but originally i was planning on doing it on the next date after i got back from the retreat) just bc i was being emotional

at one point he was laying on the bed and i was sitting on the edge of it crying (and covering my face bc im an ugly crier even though he’d already seen plenty of footage of me crying at this point) and he held out his arms and was like “come here” and i was like “no” and looked away and he was like “please” like that was very satisfying bc it showed that he needed comforting as well at that moment

at one point i was just laying on my side rolled up in a ball scream crying into my hands now THAT was messy. it was nice though bc joel moved in behind me and tried to hold me and calm me down. speaking of calming down! there were some points where i got like………REALLY bad like i was breathing so hard and fast it was troubling but whenever i had a wave of that joel held me and tried to soothe me and help me breathe

i even offered to have an open relationship if he wanted (bc this was during the exclusivity convo) bc i was just trying to grasp at any straws i could at the moment in the hopes of reaching an agreement or just stalling for time so i could move past his walls and get through to him. in reality i would never even consider it bc it is definitely not for me but at the moment i was desperate. he said no though bc he knows i wouldnt want that and he said he didnt want me to compromise myself for him

so then this is when we reached the turning point. so joel was laying down and i was like half sitting on the bed/half laying on him. and i said something along the lines of “you dont have to go through this alone, i wanna be there for you” and like when i said alone he lost IT! like we had a breakthrough he started bawling just like i was this whole time!! obviously it was hard for me to see him in that state but it was also kinda nice to see how much he cared

but then he started breathing really fast and he was like “i think im having a panic attack” so i was like uh oh so i was like omg do you want me to get off of you or something but he was like no stay here so i kept holding him and tried to help him ride it out. but then he choked out the words “i think im making the wrong decision” like !!!! i have never felt such a strong feeling of hope in my life! but i was just like its fine dont worry about it just breathe and btw during this event he was laying on his side so he was looking to the side while i was kinda on top of him so i was like at him. so then he turned to look me directly in the face and………………………

he said “I love you!” like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hearing that made me SO so happy so i was like “i love you too!” and we hugged and kissed and then he was like “ask me!!” and i was like “ask you what???” and he was like “ask me what you were gonna ask me before!” and i was like “OH! joel……will you be my boyfriend?” and he was like “YES!” and then we hugged again and laughed and made out and it was really really passionate even though we were both gross with tears and runny noses, like it might have even been the most passionate kissing ive ever had! it was a very emotionally intimate moment and i loved it

so then he was like “im sorry” and i was like dont worry about it lmao so then we just continued cuddling and kissing and stuff for a while. he told me that he knew i loved him back bc during my breakdown i said “i really really really really liked you” and he said he knew i wanted to say i loved you lol

he also said hes gonna try to open up more and put more of an effort in so!! that was nice

so it was hot in his room and we were all sweaty on top of being gross from crying so we showered together which is always fun. and during the shower he was very touchy and he would like press his body against mine and give little kisses on like my chest or my back which i really loved. we also did some sexual stuff too

then we got out and dried off and he finally said he would watch flavor of love with me!! so we watched a few eps and it was super fun. then we cuddled until we fell asleep holding each other which is always one of my fave parts of our dates. he was very affectionate and sweet and i really liked it. then we fell asleep and in the morning i had to go home bc i had work or something

so yeah thats it! it made me really happy that he said i love you (and that he said it to me first!!) and i made sure he knew that he could always ask me for anything he needed if he was feeling down again or something. so now fast forward to today he is back to texting me every day and being an active and engaging texter! and i went over to do homework with him on monday night which was fun! and then on friday night he invited me over at like midnight and we got checkers and then we hung out and cuddled and watched more flavor of love. and then we did some more sexual things which was really fun! he was really really into me again and he literally is the hottest guy ive ever met so i enjoyed getting to make him feel good and stuff

on friday the 13th i am taking the gsa eboard + jami w me to go see the addams family musical at his school since he is part of the pit orchestra so that will be fun! i am very happy to have joel back and i am even happier that we are officially boyfriends now! and its so so so nice to get i love you texts again!! overall i am very happy with how things turned out and i am glad i fought to make it work instead of just seeing the text and being like ok bye

#personal #I'm posting this from mobile but I had it saved as a draft on my computer #so I hope the read more is still on it #if not.....sorry lol

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aomarisandersons-wifey · 5 years ago

Text

Romantic F/Os:

they’re just really special to me :,)

Spouses-

Sam Anderson/Aomaris from Seduce Me the Otome

oh man,, where do i even start with this one- basically. i love sammy so much!! he’s been a fav of mine for a little over a year now and he means the absolute world to me! hes my go to when i feel sad and just mentioning him makes me happy. i love him! <3(hes my fav dont tell the others) he is basically my soulmate and the loml dont convince me otherwise or i’ll cry on you!

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd from Fire Emblem Three Houses

ive liked dimitri since september-ish and hes been an awesome addition to my f/o list! he is just so cute and i want to hug him endlessly mwAhjfjdsjslslkaka i just wanna help him all the time and aaaaaaaaa i wuv him

Inigo/Laslow from Fire Emblem Awakening/Fire Emblem Fates

laz!! aaaa- i really like this man. he’s just so kind and such a sweetie!! originally a friend of mine introduced me to him when i first started getting into fire emblem and tbh i was surprised i liked him so much! i don’t like british accents at ALL but inigo’s is the one i can tolerate :)

Prussia/Gilbert Beilschmidt from Hetalia

i’m. not SUPER into hetalia anymore but i still love this guy so much!! he was the first character i ever REALLY shipped myself with and its been close to 3 years since Gil and i have been together!

Fiance/Fiancees-

Soleil from Fire Emblem Fates

another one that a friend introduced me to! “oh yeah inigo has a daughter” “aa WAHT SJES SO CUTE-“ uh yeah!! she’s probably my favorite girl i ship myself with! shes so pretty and she makes me feel awesome!!

Tenya Iida from My Hero Academia

hmmm,, i actually couldnt figure out where to put iida! i feel like we’re closer than just bf/gf but we arent married so i just put him here uh- i really like iida! hes so pretty and seeing him makes me uwu i havent liked him for a super long time but he is just so pure i wuv him <3(im well aware that hes a minor but i am too! usually i age both of us up when writing self inserts)

Reiji Kotobuki from Uta no Prince Sama

reiji!! aaa hes so cute <3 i love everything about this guy!! he has such a nice voice and i just LOVE his personality! he makes me feel so awesome and i’m so glad i got into utapri because of heeeeee

Partners-

Kuko Harai from Hypnosis Microphone

i LOVE THIS GUY omg sjfjskdjkalskao- i just got into hypmic in october!! and i basically liked him immediately the first time my friend showed me the drb. his voice, his style, everything aaaa- yeah okay hes KIND of a rat but he’s a cute rat and i wanna pet him <3 i think about him a lot and idk why i didnt feel comfy with him being up there with the other husbands but he is here and thats all that matters

Otoya Ittoki from Uta no Prince Sama

he!! he is just a sunshine puppy i wuv him <3 otoya was my first fav from utapri and seeing him still makes me super happy! i wanna hold his haaand

Len Kagamine

okay,, i take it back LEN was the first one i started shipping myself with. dont remember why probably the sex songs. top tier boy though. still love his music! but,, im probably gonna stop shipping myself with him after my bday :( ill still be a minor i just wont be comfy with it anymore

Kazuma Hashimoto from Cheer Boys

kazu!! he is so cute!! i started watching cheer boys 2 years ago but i rewatched it last year and he is definitely my fave! he is just the positivity i need and i love him!

??Friends with Benefits??:

im. not totally sure where me and these characters stand-

Niles from Fire Emblem Fates

i like niles he so sexi- okay but really uhh i like him a lot!! but im not sure if i’d call him a bf rather than a character who i like to fuck cuddle and kiss with

Katsuki Bakugo from My Hero Academia

at first i was gonna put him on the partners list but then i changed my mind!! idk why. he’s still really cute though. not much to say about him idk

Ichiro Yamada from Hypnosis Microphone

he probably couldve been where kuko was if i got into hypmic before the new divisions were added(ik kuko is in the manga but i havent read it so it doesnt count). i still really like him!! but probably not enough to put him any higher than here.

Samatoki Aohitsugi from Hypnosis Microphone

hes here for the same reason as ichiro but also because smoking really turned me off

Rio Mason Busujima from Hypnosis Microphone

again, same reason as ichiro.

Spain from Hetalia

hes super cute!! not sure if i would wanna commit to a relationship though ;(

France from Hetalia

same reason as spain!

Platonic F/Os:

i just wanna be their besties okay-

Matthew Anderson/Zecaeru from Seduce Me

ive had my heart set on being friends with matthew for a while now! i just think we would have a lot of fun together

America from Hetalia

Denmark from Hetalia

Hatsune Miku

Ranmaru Kurosaki from Uta no Prince Sama

Sasara Nurude from Hypnosis Microphone

Familial F/Os:

there is only one. its kugelmugel from hetalia :D gil and i adopted him :D

Former F/Os:

maybe we broke up or something?? idk! buuut this is where they go!

Aru Akise from Mirai Nikki

Near from Death Note

Light from Death Note

Canada from Hetalia

Link from The Legend of Zelda

uhh yeah. thats a complete list!!(i think?)

#f/o masterlist

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justastraightupmess · 6 years ago

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💦😉👠🏩💔💑💘

im just gonna do the newish muses since ive probably done this meme for the others so

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

lol he hasn’t. innocent boy. i think hes probably kissed ppl and stuff, but nothing far. idk

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

i have n o idea. lol for once.

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?

he hasnt had one,,, rip. maybe he dated in highschool or smth?? idk i havent decided.

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?

rip

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak?

he hasnt rlly been heartbroken

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

uhhhh requirements seems a little harsh, but ig he likes someone kind, a good person, he wouldnt go for anyone mean spirited or anything.

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

mmm probably just taking care of the person, hes a big caretaker.

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

hmmmmm good question. i feel like it was probably pretty young??? like maybe 15 or smth ??? he probably fucked a bunch of rich closeted gay boys when he briefly went to a rich private school lmao

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

hes surprisingly like,,, not kinky, bc his work turned him off a lot of things. he jsut likes to change it up every so often. but i cant rlly think of any specifics.

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?

serious one was when he was abt 19?? maybe ?? idk its hard to keep track of ages for continuity okay i try. but anyway, the only person hes properly loved.

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?

mmmm okay im making this up as i go along but idk i like the idea of indy being a real flirt in school just bc he like ?? wanted attention ??? and he was a shit stirrer and stuff. anyway he had a thing for one of the older guys and ended up doing it one time, he probably told him it wasnt his first time bc hes a liar like that, but it was. probably not great??? i feel like indy would have been a little disillusioned like “oh :/ so thats sex?? it wasnt rlly that great :///”

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak?

mmmmmmmmm first heartbreak was when his mama died. followed by many more. but if u mean specifically love heartbreak, hes only even really loved one person. long story short, his bf was into selling drugs, they were both young around the same age, indy took to selling himself bc he didnt fuck with drugs, but his bf was selling them. anyway he was kinda too smart for his opwn good?? always trying to scheme and come up with a way to earn the big bucks. but smart as he was he was naive, and one of his schemes went wrong and he ended up being killed. and indy was,,,,,,, n o t,,,, o k a yyyy

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

lmao none he doesnt want a potential partner yikes. but yeah ig someone suuuuper patient?? thats the biggest requirement bc indy is a lot of work, hes rlly fucked up

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

by not ?? physically attacking sb ???? nah idk. probably soft little affectionate things, resting his head on ur shoulder, holding ur hand first etc. honestly one of the best things would be like telling u abt his whole fucked up past, he doesnt talk abt it ever, like eVEr so if he told you he must trust and love u

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

mmmmm maybe when he was like 18?? maybe 17 ??

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

idk tbh. havent figured it out

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?

he hasnt had a serious relationship, its all be flings or quick relationships. ppl just use him rip

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?

kinda meh. hes never been with someone that rlly cares abt him so its just like. eh

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak?

i dont think hes even really properly been heartbroken. he thinks he has when hes gotten dumped and stuff, but yknow it was never that serious

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

not much,,, jsut liking him tbh. he craves love and attention so give him that and hes heart eyes

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

hes pretty affectionate, so lots of that, lots of cuddles and stuff. but yeah also hes very self sacrificing so you’ll know, he’ll jsut wanna give u things and do things for you and make you happy

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

hes a virgin :T

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

idk jsut?? anything that’ll please the person he likes ??? i rlly dont know what he himself likes bc hes so concerned with other ppl

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?

never had one

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?

n/a bruh

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak?

he hasnt rlly had one??

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

uhhhhhhh idk, someone he thinks is cool. i think his type is probably ppl older than him?? and also ina fucked up kinda way older brother t y pe s???? yikes but anyway

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

mmmm similar to katsu he’ll do things for you, want to help you, want to touch you, things like that

#snw-cnvs

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craftlyinsane-blog · 8 years ago

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#1: First date

i met someone of a dating app. few days ago we met in person, it was amazing. he was so sweet and kind to me, he made my heart melt. i even had my first kiss, it was amazing. yeah we did make out a lot and got a little frisky, but i liked it. he asked me if stuff like that was ok, and it was. he knew that i havent been with or kissed a guy before, i didnt want to stop kissing him. now that im out of town, i have been constantly thinking about him. the ways he touched me and ive never been so comfortable with a guy before, it felt like he knew what he was doing. i liked our first day, we talked and cuddled and made out. my one worry sometimes if he is talking or seeing other girls on the app. i hate to be jealous but after we met in person i have been hella loyal. guys do message me but i give vague details so maybe they thought they have no chance haha. when i was with him, it all felt right. ive never had a boyfriend before, the thing is i dont know where we are between each other. are we like going to the direction of being boyfriend and girlfriend? whatever it is, it feels right. the huge downside is that he might be going to the marines. i would not see him for such a long time...i feel like he would want me to move on. yes i have had crushes but i have never liked someone this much. it pains to picture not seeing him years. yeah i might move on, but it depends how serious we are if we get to that stage. since im out of town which is a hour away, i wont see him for awhile (it feels like forever for me ok). i would love to have him with me year, holding my hand as he sunsets or snuggle near the fire, or even skinny dipping if no one is around. i have never felt this crazy like this with a guy. i do want him here, but obviously its too early. like my other family is here to (god family). i think they would like him. when i think about him all i do is smile. i hope whatever this is i want him in my life, a friend or a boyfriend (i prefer bf haha). sometimes i feel spectacle about this, what if he doesnt feel the same way? all i want is him, as a boyfriend who would hang out with me and double date with friends, and eventually meet my parents. we have been texting but i miss him in person, i wish i could steal me away and be here with me, like swimming and screaming together on the tube. when i get back hopefuly we will go out again. he feels bad that he was a little strong on me and said he would stop. i actually did not mind, i liked making out and stuff, i still think about it today. his mouth was warm, i loved the way he touched me sweetly. ugh! i cant stop thinking about him. i know this is repetive, but maybe this is just for me. people will prbably not follow, which is fine, maybe sometime we could make it official, but im scared of having that convo at some point. we all can have the fear of direction. i have never been so happy with someone like this in awhile, my parents are glad that im putting myself out there. im 19 so i can make my decisions, and i want to be with him. like making it fb official introduce to friends and gush about my boyfriend all the time. we will see! im so glad he was my first kiss, i was really nervous. i liked how he asked if he could, he thought iwas cute that i havent had my first kiss. i was so nervous i kept telling him he was sweet and thnaked him for kissing me haha. i love the when he held my hand and was affectionate with me. not gonna lie, he did turn me on a lot. i loved the way i wrapped him around me and kissed me, i loved the way he kissed my neck. god, i want to make out with him more and more! if we are official at some point, i would be complertely ready to lose my virgiinty to him, i know its crazy to think that so early but it feels so right. i could go on and on about him, but ill save that for later. my first day was amazing, i cant wait to see him again

-mystery

#textpost love relationships

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darklarru · 8 years ago

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all of them. just fckin.. all of them. every single question. 1-100. good luck comrade.

fuck u, here it is:

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?

-if theykiss a boy idm.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?

-yeahlmao

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

-shapeshifting

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

-I fuckinhope so

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.

-oh man,ive only been smashed once, and it was a night full of regrets and a lot ofcheating and gay stuff happened.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?

-u knowwhat. fuck my ex, he was a manipulative cheating cunt and he broke up with meover snapchat.

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be?

-bathtuband sleeping pills, im out painlessly.

8. What are your current goals?

-be asuccessful bitch and build myself up.

9. Do you like someone?

-wheneverI think of feelings I take a shot so idk..

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?

-my ex.

11. Do you like your body?

-eh imgetting there

12. Can you keep a diet?

-no lmao

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

-don’t discriminateagainst sex workers and treat them like actual people.

14. Do you work?

-yep, gota retail job and everything.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, whatwould it be?

-ayesalad, bc anything you cut up and put in a bowl is salad, so pizza salad, fruitsalad, ice cream salad, anything.

16. Would you get a tattoo?

-hellyeah, im actually thinking about getting this floral one on my thigh, gottalike, tell my mum tho.

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?

-theperson I love,,

18. Can you drive?

Ive onlyhad like, one driving test ever.

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

-at therink on Friday? Someone said I was beautiful and that my ex didn’t deserve me:)

20. What was the last thing you cried for?

-when I drinkI don’t cry, so ive been drinking a lot.

21. Do you keep a journal?

-yep,serves as my receipts.

22. Is life fun?

-ehhhhitll get there.

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

-I don’t reallycare, just warn me so I have time to get out of there.

24. What’s your dream car?

-somethingI don’t have to use petrol for.

25. Are grades in school important?

-justnail ur finals and ur good.

26. Describe your crush.

-its tooearly homie

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?

-WONDERWOMAN HOLY SHIT A+

28. What was your last lie?

-im fine

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?

-idk, I normallytell the truth, its such an effort to lie.

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

-no I doit all the time lmao

31. Something you did and you are proud of?

-Teamedup with my Best Friend and Absolutely Called the shit out of my Ex out andfuckin roasted him.

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?

-I haven’tdelved into cocktails too much yet, ive been drinking straight.

33. Something you are good at?

-iceskating?? idk

34. Do you like small kids?

-I hatekids so much

35. How are you feeling right now?

-There

36. What would you name your daughter/son?

-daughter:Lavender? Idk I just watched matilda and I was like what a pretty name, andboys: Christian?

37. What do you need to be happy?

-abillion dollars

38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

-my ex

39. What was the last gift you received?

-does mycoworker buying everyone hot chocolates and frozen cokes during their shiftcount as a gift

40. What was the last gift you gave?

-a fidgetcube?

41. What was the last concert you went to?

-panic atthe disco in January :D

42. Favourite place to shop at?

-ittotally was this gothic shop in Newtown, but then it moved and I don’t knowwhere it is anymore :/

43. Who inspires you?

-myselfbitch

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?

-18

45. How old were you when you first got high?

-never

46. When was your first kiss?

-when I was15? 16?

47. Something you want to do until the end of this year?

-be amermaid, like fr, go follow mermaid_shelly on Instagram no joke.

48. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?

-dated myex

49. Post a selfie.

-heres alink instead: http://darklarru.tumblr.com/post/161374174865/cat-cafe-aesthetic

50. Who are you most comfortable around?

-my BestFriend

51. Name one thing that terrifies you.

-to loseeverything I worked for

52. What kind of books do you read?

-haventread a book in so long, but I like the fantasy genre

53. What would you tell your 12 year old self?

-girl,girl, u gay as fuck

54. What is your favourite flower?

-roses!!

55. Any bad habits you have?

-speakingquietly

56. What kind of people are you attracted to?

-peoplewho think the same as me

57. What was the last thing you cried for?

-my ex :/

58. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?

-pickles,what r they doin, get outta here

59. Are you in love?

-yeah imalways in love

60. Something you find romantic?

-tealightcandles

61. How long was your longest relationship?

-like 3or 4 months

62. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

-wereso,, bitchy.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

-they don’tknow what the fuck is up, they don’t listen, they always horny, theyre kindaviolent, theyre more hardcore and aggressive physically.

64. What are you saving money for?

-anothermermaid tail,,, but also a house I guess

65. How would you describe your bad side?

-emotional,angry, violent, temperamental, not thinking,, idk

66. Are you actually a good person? Why?

-sometimesI guess, I try not to be shitty, but some people fuckin deserve it.

67. What are you living for?

-a future

68. Have you ever done anything illegal?

-probably

69. Do you like your body?

-yeahsometimes

70. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?

-notunless we were fighting

71. Ever sent nudes?

-whohasnt

72. Have you ever cheated on someone?

-I cheatedon a guy with girl and I was very drunk, but then we said same sex cheating wasokay

73. Favourite candy?

-redfrogs, gummy bears

74. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!

-imbarely on this hell site

75. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

-adarkroomwas one of my Faves

76. Favourite TV series?

-w.i.t.c.h.what a Classic

77. Are you religious? Does God exist?

-yeah, imchill w god.

78. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?

-I haven’tread a book in so long yall.

79. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

-kudos tothem who r doin it but I really love chicken.

80. How long have you been on Tumblr?

-sinceyear 9, so like, 2013

81. Do you like Chineese food?

-I am Chinese

82. McDonalds or Subway?

-subwayyyy

83. Vodka or whiskey?

-fuuuuuuck,,,fucking love vodka but it makes my face screw up in a bad expression, and I lovefireball whiskey, but like, vodka gets me fucked up faster.

84. Alcohol or drugs?

-alcohol,don’t do drugs kids

85. Ever been out of your province/state/country?

-ya

86. Meaning behind your blog name?

-I lovetypos

87. What gets you up in the morning?

-spite.

88. What are you scared of?

-a lot ofthings

89. Last time you were insulted?

-wednesday

90. Most traumatic experience ?

-my bf atthe time, was fuckin, chewin his toenails in his mouth, and I forgot bc he wasbein sweet n he stuck his tongue out to touch mine, n I stuck mine out too n I fuckni,,.,,,. touched the toenail w my mouth I nearly threw up, I felt my soul ejectfrom my body for a second.

91. Perfect date idea?

-picnicdaate, and watching the stars and cuddling

92. Favourite app on your phone?

-instagram?I check it the most.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?

-white

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

-daviddobrik tbh

95. Share your favourite quote.

-ifsomeone tells you that they hurt you, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.

96. What is the meaning of life?

-when thestreets are empty and the moon is shining and nobody is awake and its chilly,but your alone and maybe the wind is blowing through the grass, or whatever.

97. Do you like horror movies?

-fuck nah

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

-I signedup for Netflix and didn’t tell her.

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?

-I amspecial

100. Can you keep a secret?

-ya justmake sure u tell me its important.

#asks

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dreamernagi · 7 years ago

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This is Stupid and TMI and Makes No Sense it is literally a brain dump for me lik e please this is so stupid

(Wow it’s been awhile since ive posted on here lol) Like yall im having... a great time? But not even sarcastically like ive been having a pretty good time lately. I have a job and school is... okay so far. I struggle with a couple classes but yknow. Im having issues with getting an apartment again next semester (cause me and maddi missed the deadline omfg our dumb asses) but thats all i really have to complain about??

I have anime club and me and maddi hang out more which has been really fun. I made a couple more friends who come over like three times a week and my little extroverted heart feels so happy and full having so many people over all the time so we can joke and play persona and watch anime and laugh.

But idk something happened tonight that gave me that awful feeling where it felt like my stomach dropped from how upset it made me and... feeling that after being Okay for so long was really jarring.

So, ive been talking to this guy from club for awhile and like... hes just really cool? Hes just really nice and funny and we get along well. We hung out like all day at the convention and i just had a good time and i felt like he was having a good time with me too. Idk im having that problem where i cant tell apart romantic feelings from friendship so ive just completely ignored/denied that i may have any Feelings for him because i just???? Hes just not really my type appearance wise and hes a bit older than me so ive just been like meh dont think about it too hard just enjoy being friends.

But then tonight Lydia (one of my new friends) made a joke about her friend said that her and Clay should start dating already and i was just like oh... really? And she just laughed and was like yeah. And so i was like well do you like him? And she said “well idk hes just really sweet and funny but idk if itd go anywhere”

And i just kinda like... felt my heart shatter???????? Which is SO WEIRD cause i literally had no strong feelings for this guy to warrant such a terrible feeling after she said it. And then when he came over later they made comments about the joke to each other but it was just awkward enough where anyone with eyes can tell theyre at least a Little interested in each other.

It just sucks because i havent thought about relationship stuff for awhile. Its been over a year since ive been in a relationship and like almost two years of any like... real physical contact yknow. Like after the break up i was all like “bleh im gonna be a Thot because fuck it” but obviously that didnt happen lmao and now im not even worried about that shit anymore... this is really tmi but i cant even like... remember the last time i masturbated lmfao. I just dont even have the desire anymore. Its boring and im just self conscious about it now. Thats completely a me problem that can be fixed but idk im just not interested.

Anyway my point is its been so long since ive had any physical contact so when i started thinking about it tonight it made me depressed.

I think maybe being interested in this guy to find out that him and this friend of mine are already basically dating was like stabbing me and twisting the knife. All my insecurities came back in full force that i havent even thought about in forever. All i kept thinking was “shes skinnier and prettier than you so of course hes interested in her instead” or “youre just annoying and you forced your way into the friend group of course he doesnt like you” and i was close to tears from all these negative thoughts it was crazy.

It doesnt help that Lydia casually leans against me or rests her head on my shoulder and its honestly pathetic how fast my heart beats from how happy it makes me. I havent had physical affection in so... long... i just??? Its honestly ridiculous. And i think Lydia being a pretty affectionate person has just reminded of how nice it feels to have someones body weight on you and feel their warmth close to you and just GOD im going to cry

Just the casual touches lead me to remembering what it was like to have physical contact which made me crave it even more and knowing that this maybe small opportunity i had to maybe have a bf to cuddle with wont happen because theyre already basically a thing was... just a lot. I just feel a bit achey now but honestly... despite how okay ive been feeling i know not to get my hopes up about anything anymore. Maybe thats why i was in denial of my feelings because i knew something like this would happen. It always does and ill always be disappointed in some way.

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skiasurveys · 7 years ago

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if you could have sex with any celebrity right now, who would it be? well he aint a celeb but an youtuber since i dont like celebrities..so maybe markiplier? if you had to have sex with one of your best friends who would it be? all of em ;) ever fallen in love with a friend? well they all start off as friends did you end up getting together or not? nobody specif i mean my current bf and i were friends for little while before we officalized it but it wasnt like we were just friends. ive never dated anyone where we were friends for a while then started to date.

if yes, how did you end up together? if no, why not? ^

have you ever been the other woman? No. we all have that one song that gets us pumped, what’s yours? i hate these questions cus i forget every song i know have you ever been to prom? did you have a good time? well we dont have prom in canada, well where i live but we did have a grad dance but i didnt go. But how my grad worked was we all got to dress up in nice dresses/tuxs for the dinner. so thats what i did. don’t you just hate it when someone is a boring texter? yES. usually i try to make a conversation.if they dont add i just stop texting. ever let someone use you knowing they were using you? Yep how many people have you slept with (sexually not actually sleeping)? one. how many of them were you actually in love with? one ever taken someone’s virginity? No. would you ever want to be with a virgin? if no, why not? no actually lol favorite song lyrics? i have lots but im too tired to think of em. do you constantly find yourself internet stalking your ex? no but sometimes i check their fb but like once in a blue moon. i dont care. if yes, how many times a day on average do you find yourself doing this? like i said, once in a blue moon. usually if im thinkin about them or something but last tme i checked was months ago cus i saw he got a new gf and i wanted to see what she looked like. and no not to be a dick either. so like, what’s your zodiac sign? Sagittarius

what’s your favorite item of clothing you have & why? eh, nothing really. im bored of my clothes atm im in a desperate need to shop.. do you have anything to hide? my emotions are you friends with any of your exes? eh. not really. my one ex who always talked to me stopped texting me, thak fucking god it was so annoying.

given the chance would you take any of your exes back? No. do you have an addiction? to what? my phone do you like being taken or single more & why? taken. its just who i am i guess. i just like knowing i have someone there who i can be myself with and have a romantic relationship with.

being loud & obnoxious is fun huh? nope. do you feel like you’re sorta split personality? half & half? not really. I am just myself with people im comfortable with and then i have my professional self with work.etc lol do you act like your own gender or more like the opposite sex? wtf.. do you have more friends of the same sex or opposite? its kind of half and half.

blunts, bowls or bongs? eh. i smoked weed like 5 times soo.. favorite sexual position? idk. the one where he puts his dick in me

3 traits your dream partner would have? funny, loyal, empathetic do you really care what people think of you? Yes when you have a fight with your partner what do you do? usually get worried that they might leave me cus im an insecure piece of shit, but we havent had a really bad fight, theres just been times where he is a dick. holiday closest to your birthday? christmas. scenario time.. you have a wedgie in public, you… fill in the blank. go to the wash room and fix who does the grocery shopping in your house? mom

are your parents still together? if no, do you wish they were? they would be if my dad didn’t die. have any siblings you know of but don’t actually know personally? no

greatest fear? losing someone i love again and suffocation something most people fear that you do not fear at all? spiders don’t you hate getting nice & comfy & then having to pee? yea what do you think of porn & the people who watch it? i mean whatever, watch whatever but i just hate people who think that alot of the things they do in porn is normal. (like rape play, hardcore bdsm..etc) when your friends mention you in fb statuses & tweets do you get happy? yeah how much does it really take to get you mad? not that much. would you date someone that your parents & friends didn’t approve of? depends do you have any regrets? Yes. are you always the one to apologize even if it’s not your fault? Yes ever lost friends because of a certain guy or girl? nope. ever used a legit sex toy before? nah never bought one before. ever questioned your sexuality? not really ever thought you were pregnant? one time i didnt get my period at all and it was 3 weeks late and i took 3 test and i wasnt pregnant but i was still freaking out and then i lightly spotted for a week..and then i didnt get my period til he next month, that was scary. ever faked being pregnant? who does this favorite song at the moment? nothing ever had a major surgery performed on you? one do you actually like school lunches? the ones in high school were actuallly good. do you think you’re a boring person? no but i can be do you think you’re more or less a good person? i think im a good person which of the 7 deadly sins are you guilty of? envy ever made a survey & then taken it yourself? yeah i did once haha do you think it’s possible to dislike all music? some people just dont like music i guess. i think theyre crazy. what’s one thing you think everyone has in common? we all have to breathe oxygen. do you believe that there’s actually good in EVERYONE? well we all start good but it all depends during the age development.. what’s one thing that bothers you that probably wouldn’t bother most people? need to have tv on a even number of sound level do you believe in forever? no how many relationships have you been in? 4 including the one i am in do you ever want to get married? why or why not? I do. Because i want to lol do you believe in divorce? well i mean some people just cant stay married.

is there a song you can’t listen to without thinking of someone? Yeah. do you think a lot of the surveys on here are too alike? sometimes they all ask the same question how are you feeling right now? decent do you like being called babe, baby, hunnie, etc? I do like baby/babe but only from my boyfriend have you ever thought etc was actually ect? no do you have any sort of ongoing health problem? i dont think so

ever lost someone close to you? Yes my dad died ever been hit by a motor vehicle? actually yeah. when i was 8 i was hit by a car on my way to school lol can you play a musical instrument? I cant do you wish you did? I wish i wouldve joined band tbh

are you able to speak fluently in more than one language? No. ever self harmed in any way? Yes. do you prefer longer or shorter surveys? Medium to long. what is one word you just cannot pronounce? specific if you could look like any celebrity who would you look like? Hmmmmmmm ever wish you were of the opposite sex? No. don’t you just love fun people? i guess. i just hate people who ALWAYS wanna do shit especially when youre tired and they almost force you to go out. is there that one person who you just CAN NOT seem to get over? no one currently so what’s your dream job? animator someone you can’t see yourself being able to live without? My boyfriend best & most favorite video game (pc or console) ever? hmmm. depends. I really love Kingdom Hearts 2, or even Elder scrolls online but My fav game ever is The Last of Us would you ever tattoo someone’s name on you? maybe my dads name but not really when people sing happy birthday to you do you feel awkward or happy? It’s so awkward. favorite thing about being in a relationship? having someone be there for you..and cuddles and oh sex favorite thing about being single? the freedom i guess? not having to worry about someone else, or worry about getting texts back lol ad also you can kind of go out and not worry if youre flirting idk. I hate when im talking to another guy and im afraid im leading them on, especially when im not. ever been hurt by someone you thought would never hurt you? Yes. don’t you hate it when people in relationships act single? it annoys me. Like whats the point of hiding shit? so is your hair dyed? Yep. but fading back sex is really good isn’t it? It sure is ever had a friends with benefits? no do you like trains :)? uhmmm do you think you have a pretty good singing voice? Nope. how about dancing, are you a good dancer? I am white. is intelligence a turn on for you? It’s good. i hate stupid guys lol do you like to feel powerful & in charge? No capricorns are the best aren’t they? I don’t believe in astrology. <--- same are you afraid to stand out? just a little.

#survey

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saintkimora · 8 years ago

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well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far

#personal

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saintkimora · 8 years ago

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ok, here is a full account of what happened yesterday and the new events from today. caleb if you are seeing this please respect my privacy and stop reading now

ok so it started the other day. caleb texted me at night saying he wanted to talk to me about something serious the next day. i asked what it was about and he said he just wanted to be friends but i didnt read too much into it bc he is impulsive so i figured he would come to his senses the next day

so then yesterday happened. i had just gotten out of sociology at like 10:40am and i saw that he had texted me all these things about breaking up. then when i got to my car he called me on the phone. he then proceeded to break up with me over the phone. his reasoning was that since hes prob moving in a few weeks, he wanted to stop being boyfriends now that way when he does leave itll hurt less than it would, so like easing himself out of the relationship basically. i think its a stupid idea

so these are the issues i had. the first was that he broke up with me over the phone, not even in person. and like i was crying over the phone and his tone was just like very cold and detached and business like and that really hurt me bc he obv knew i was crying but i didnt feel any sympathy from him whatsoever. like if he was crying i would obv be comforting him and trying to make him feel better not talking like a robot. another thing that hurt was that he gave up on the long distance relationship before we could even try it. it made me feel like i was so worthless and unimportant that he didnt even feel like putting forth the effort to make our relationship work. and the fact that he did this all over a 10 minute phone call on his way to the gym. and then like 20 min after he had the NERVE to post a video on his snap story of him at the gym saying “feeling so good *blushing smile emoji*” like that really hurt my feelings and when i told him that later he was like “oh stop making everything about you it was just how i was feeling after working out” but like? i know he obv wasnt saying that he felt so good about breaking up. but what bothered me was that like after he broke up w me, i was a mess i was literally crying all day and i couldnt do anything but cry i was so upset. and then here he is just going on with his day like its another normal tuesday. like the fact that he was capable of being so happy not even a few hours after breaking my heart made me feel like i was nothing, like it was just an errand like “oh im gonna break up with perry then go to the gym lol” and the fact that he did it over the phone just made me feel so insignificant like i was nothing to him and that really hurt. and like ive tried to be the best boyfriend i can be for him and i try to do everything he asks of me so for him to just break up with me in such a dismissive way makes it feel like he doesnt even care

so i was crying in my car, like really bad like i was BAWLING. so i went to the student counseling center and asked for a crisis meeting and i got set up w this counselor named josh. he was nice and tried to help me calm down and focus on orgo. it was nice to have someone to talk to i guess

so then i went home. he called me again to like try to explain himself but only made me feel worse. he was like “you know when i move im not gonna be able to see you everyday and cuddle with you and fall asleep on your chest anymore” and that just made me sadder and i was crying again on the phone. then later we were texting and he was like denying breaking up with me. like, you said you wanted to just be friends and you explicitly said that you didnt want to be boyfriends anymore so how is that not breaking up??? and he said “i was trying to have a conversation with you but all you did was cry.” with the period to show how serious he was. and it really hurt me when he said that bc it felt like he was mad at me and using me crying against me, like i somehow did something wrong by crying. again if he was the one crying i would not be holding it against him like that so i really wish he didnt say that bc it made me feel bad for being emotional which should not be something to feel bad about. and at the end of the call he didnt say i love you like he always does so that hurt my feelings as well

and like i took away the hearts from his contact name and changed my phone backgrounds since they were pictures of him and that just made me really sad

i skipped psych and anatomy lecture but i couldnt skip my anatomy practical. i cried when i was backing up my car to leave bc i saw the “hi <3″ that he wrote in the dirt on my back windshield a while ago and it just set me off. so i got to school and i was planning on having this be the dropped grade so i wasnt like worried but i got a 90 anyways so that was nice. the prof was like “perry whats wrong you look depressed” and i was like im just a little sad today and he was like why and i was like “bc my significant other broke up w me” (i used s/o bc idk how my prof is about those things so i didnt wanna say bf). he told me this story about how in his senior year of college he had such bad mono it was misdiagnosed as hodgkins disease so he was given 18 months to live and his gf of 4 years left him after finding out. so he told me “perry, girls are like a bus. if you miss one, another one will come along in 15 minutes. if i had daughters i would tell them the same thing about guys” so that was nice that he tried to cheer me up. then when i was leaving from the other room (bc we leave our stuff in the other room during the practical) the TA came to me from the main room and wished me luck on my finals so that was nice of him

so then i went home. then at 10pm i met w caleb in person in his car. we talked and at first he would not let me get a word in and he just kept defending himself and what also upset me was that he thought the reason i was so upset was that he was moving and he was so defensive like “i wish i could stay here but i have no choice i cant afford to live here its too expensive” and like that is not what upset me!!! i already knew he was moving ive had time to accept it what upset me was how he broke up w me for no reason w almost no warning and did it in such a cold way. and like the way i see it is since hes leaving instead of easing ourselves out of the relationship to stop us from getting hurt when he actually leaves (which wont happen bc itll hurt regardless), i figured we should make the most of our time together and enjoy each other as much as possible since we’ll have plenty of time to get over each other AFTER he moves. so when i told him my point of view he was like “i wish i thought of it like that, im really bad at this” so that was how i resolved the issue. he was hesitant about keeping the bf label but i told im i really wanted to and i didnt see a point in taking away the label now anyways. i also told him i at least wanted to try long distance instead of giving up before it even happens. i dont remember what he said to it though lol i was too emotional. but yeah the beginning of the convo just felt like he was berating me and i started to cry again bc i dont like it when hes rude to me like that

then he told me that im so sensitive i could see a squirrel in the road and cry and i had to explain to him that i am not a sensitive and emotional person! im normally v reserved w my emotions like ive only cried maybe 3 times the past 8 years and that im just emotional when it comes to him bc i care about him so much

another thing that bothered me was that he said every relationship teaches a lesson, and from ours he learned not to rush into things. i dont get that bc yes we did rush but that wasnt really a bad thing? like he wouldve moved regardless so taking things slow wouldnt have changed that. and like since we rushed into things it will hurt more when he leaves since we are closer than we would be if we took it slow but also like, if we didnt rush we wouldnt have gotten so close and had so much fun together in the first place. so imo the benefits of getting so close so fast vastly outweighed the pain of him leaving

so everything would be great except for this next part. he told me the easing out of the relationship thing was bc he got the advice to do that from his mom and leeann. so when i got home i made a post calling leeann toxic and his mom stupid for interfering in our relationship. and like yall can tell that obv i was kidding and just exaggerating for humorous effect like i dont really think his mom is stupid or that leeann was toxic, just that their advice in the situation was bad. but caleb texted me this morning being so rude calling me disgustingly disrespectful for saying that and he said that “next time you think about doing this remember how it felt when i dumped you (so he admitted that he did dump me) - and get those tissues ready” (since ive been using a lot of tissues since i was crying so much). that really really hurt my feelings bc 1. he is once again using me crying against me and 2. it shows a total lack of sympathy for me crying, like it felt like hell yesterday i was so upset and he knows that so for him to threaten to put me through that again just shows he doesnt really care about me or my feelings.

he also said i need to stop using him and leeann and his mom as “characters in your online stories” like...these arent online stories? this blog is where i vent and talk about my feelings since i dont have anyone to do that with irl and i need to get them out somewhere im not writing these posts to be mean it just feels good to put my thoughts into words instead of bottling them up and even my therapist thinks its a good thing for me to do

so he said that but i was NOT having it. i typed up a long text in response and even i admit it was kinda mean. like in his he said “dont even talk to me for the rest of the day” so at the end of my text i said “dont talk to me ever i am perfectly fine w never talking to you again the rest of my life so bye have fun in new hampshire or whatever” and he was like “perry stop you dont mean that last part” and then he called me and once again got defensive he said he was just trying to have a convo w me and i was being aggressive for no reason. like, no??? a convo would have been texting me like “perry i know its your personal blog where you post your feelings but this post upset me and this is why” not coming at me with 4 super rude texts out of nowhere. so he was trying to play the victim and paint me as irrational and that im overreacting just like he did yesterday and i didnt like it! he was just dismissing my feelings again. so i went OFF in this phone call like wow i really snapped and it felt good tbh

like i think he was just expecting me to sit there and take it and apologize like i usually do when he gets like this but i am done doing that! so i think he was caught off guard that i stood up for myself. i was like caleb i really dont care i have the most important orgo test of the semester today you already took yesterday from me but today i am not entertaining it if you have an issue call me after my test” and i ended the convo and hung up and then he texted me “good luck on your test” like ok hi king of passive aggressiveness

so thats it. i felt good at first but later on i felt bad so i texted him apologizing for snapping at him but i said i wont discuss the tumblr issue until we are in person. i asked if he was free tonight and he said no he wants a day or two to be separate and normally i would understand but like...hes moving in a few weeks i really dont want to waste time fighting and being in this weird place

not to be out of order but another thing that got on my nerves was when we made up last night. he said “once i move youll have more free time for things like school, work, maybe going to the gym” like once again here he is commenting on my appearance! like yes i know im scrawny and i wish i wasnt but im sick of him taking jabs at my looks like my body, acne, and eyebrows when i literally have NOTHING but nice things to say about how he looks. it makes me feel bad when he points out my flaws like that and a good boyfriend is not supposed to make me feel like that

now for the most recent development. leeann sent me this LONG fb message bc caleb told her what i posted about her. like why does he have to expose me like that! i didnt read the message i was like “yeah im not reading this but just so you know i was kidding i wasnt serious i was exaggerating lol” and she was like ok lol

i just dont know why she thinks i care about her input on MY relationship? like youre calebs friend not mine to be frank i dont give a fuck what you think about whats best for my relationship like you dont know me so mind your business

and thats another thing. in the past caleb has gotten pissed at me for sharing our business too much (by telling my friends (who he will literally never meet since they all went away for school) and by posting on here) yet here he goes telling leeann everything! seems hypocritical to me

and heres a second thing. i have always told caleb that my blog is my personal space where i can safely vent and talk about my feelings and that he should respect my privacy by not reading my personal posts. and ive told him that if he does wanna read them then hes doing so at his own risk bc im not going to filter myself bc this is MY space not his so if he really wants to overstep his boundaries and look at my posts then he cant get mad at me for them bc HE is the one choosing to read them even after my warning! so i dont think he should be getting mad at me especially when i was in such an extreme state of mind yesterday since he put me through the worst day of my life for no reason which literally couldve been 100% avoided if he had just waited to talk to me in person instead of breaking up w me over the phone. and like now i feel like this isnt even a space place for me to express myself anymore since theres a chance of him seeing. and i tried blocking him before but he made a new blog and wont tell me the url so i cant block him smh

so yeah thats everything that happened. im kinda stressed rn w this whole leeann drama even though he shouldnt have been reading my posts in the first place. like its just so much drama and i dont like how it feels and idk why this relationship turned sour so fast and i wish he would just be nice and sweet to me again. so hopefully things get better

#this is so long omg #if any of you actually read all of this or even just skim it i love you <3 #personal

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