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sp1resong · 2 years ago

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Lore 🫵

OKAY SO. uhh cw for talk of suicide... this is rain world so that's kind of a given but hey better safe than sorry

this au uses a tweaked version of my rewrite/oc lore, because hey, i have a perfectly good void stand-in all ready to go in the form of the Dark Water or Void Water (the stuff Bristlefrost drowned in, and also an important part of my OC Willowsong's story)!

There are a few mechanics that are relevant here:

The soul separates from the body a moment before death, and either joins a regional or cultural afterlife or wanders as a ghost for a while. Generally, if they do the latter, they join an afterlife eventually--the Sisters are, notably, an exception for this. The wandering is their afterlife.

Spirits fade over time, as they lose their sense of identity and 'tethers' to the waking world. Faded souls return to the 'cloud', so to speak, to eventually be reborn into a new body, keeping none of their memories.

The only thing that has been known to erase a soul from both waking world and afterlife wholly and entirely (or at least render it untraceable, somehow) is Void Water.

While on that last point, that has only ever been known to happen to one cat--and that's where we get into the plot, because that cat is Sliverstraw (Sliver of Straw).

She was a SkyClan cleric, well-respected and with a powerful connection to StarClan, but otherwise unremarkable. Some will claim that she grew... distant, in the time before her disappearance, but that's not really important. What's important is that she showed up one day, apparently scared out of her wits, and delivered an ominous prophecy before returning to the Moonpool to try and figure out what she'd seen--before vanishing, nowhere to be found. A thorough search was carried out, and the other clerics found that she was not in StarClan, either.

Right, the other clerics, those are important! all the main iterators are clerics Because i wanted to. There's:

Scarletsun (Seven Red Suns) of ThunderClan, and their apprentice Needlepaw (The Spearmaster)

Pebblestorm (Five Pebbles) and Moongaze (Looks to the Moon) of RiverClan

Lavenderfrost (Unparalleled Innocence) of WindClan

Howlheart (No Significant Harassment) of ShadowClan, and his apprentice Houndpaw (The Hunter)

Greywind (Grey/Chasing Wind) of SkyClan, former apprentice of Sliverstraw

In this universe, the Sliverists were just... your average, run-of-the-mill death cult where a bunch of people with fifty three different mental illnesses enabled each other. They maintained their anonymity by communicating via notes carved into pieces of tree bark and left at certain locations (although I don't doubt that some recognized one another by handwriting [pawwriting? clawwriting?]).

While they did influence Pebblestorm's mentality, it was ultimately Scarletsun that gave him the Big Idea, which... okay. in my heart the conversation went something like

Scarletsun: i think you should like drown yourself in holy water or something at this point i genuinely think that's the only thing that would fix you Pebblestorm: YOU'RE A FUCKING GENIUS

but like of course that won't ever be canon so yknow

either way. Pebbles tries to drown himself in the Moonpool. enters StarClan (or is it the Dark Forest?) instead. Tries to drown himself in their fucked up shadow lake Bristlefrost-style. However, Moon's figured out what Pebbles is trying to do at this point, and follows him into the afterlife to try and save him. She pulls him out of the water at a pivotal moment, leaving him functionally dead but his soul still bound to his body (not that he can use it), pretty much a ghost who can still sort of feel his corpse and is incapable of truly joining the afterlife or fading on account of this tether.

In his rage (at both Moon half-saving his life and his newfound state of existence), he turns and shoves her into the water. She is larger and stronger than him, but he catches her off-guard, and holds her there under the water for a moment before realizing what he's done and positively booking it out of there (if it sucks... hit da bricks! -friend ships -consequences of your actio -this mortal coil -too fancy afterlife -murder scene if your quick).

When neither Moon nor Pebbles returns from the Moonpool, Howlheart gets worried. He does not have a connection to StarClan himself (he's a cleric mostly for his skill in healing, rather than abilities as a medium), but he knows that something has most likely gone very, very wrong. And it was probably Pebblestorm's fault, because of course it was.

So he sends his apprentice Houndpaw to check on them. Pebblestorm, of course, is absent, but Houndpaw manages to pull Moongaze's spirit from the lake (the banks are steep enough that once you fall in, it is all but impossible to escape without help)--I say her spirit, because her body is, by this point, dead. She is in a similar position to Pebblestorm, however she cannot feel her body at all--she's just... almost entirely dead, but not quite dead enough to join the afterlife. Or have her body decay at normal speeds. (That comes in handy later.)

What no one accounted for is that dark water is highly corrosive, even in small doses, even when it does not break the skin or cause major damage, and capable of corrupting both souls and bodies even (and especially) before it pulls them apart. and, uh... that hunter sure can long legs !

Pebblestorm eventually settles in the cave systems beneath and around where they bury his body, Rock-style.

Arti and Gourmand aren't too important here--Arti (or Crimsonshade) was a clan-cat-turned-rogue who helped fight off a rogue group that had settled in Pebblestorm's caves (and also killed her first litter), while Gourmand (Claypelt) was a TNP-journey-gang-style scout for the Clans' relocation (which would, of course, leave Pebbles and Moon all alone). Monk (Dandelionpaw) and Survivor (Asterpaw) were a pair of apprentices that were separated from the group during said relocation.

Which leaves us with Rivulet and Saint! Rivulet (Ruffles) is a kittypet with unusual skills as a medium who wanders into Pebblestorm's tunnels by mistake. Pebblestorm, whose body has all but decayed, but who is still by some force bound here even as his soul grows weaker and weaker, instructs Ruffles to dig up Moongaze's corpse and bring it to the tunnels' central chamber.

Ruffles does as they are told (a normal cat's body would have long since decayed, but these circumstances are all but normal). Moongaze's ghost follows, and the two reunite for a brief moment before Pebblestorm does what he has long since decided he must do.

A mockery of a nine-lives ceremony, with only one life to give. He knows full well it will take almost everything out of him, but it works, at the very least. Moongaze is returned to her body to live out the rest of her expected lifespan (although with some complications on account of said body having been very dead for quite a while).

Ruffles eventually has to leave when their housefolk move, leaving the two ghosts (or... one ghost and one. whatever Moongaze is at this point) alone once more.

A year or two later, a flood caused by a summer storm makes Pebblestorm's part of the tunnels collapse. He no longer has the strength to leave, instead spending the rest of his time among the rubble.

The following year brings the coldest, bitterest winter either has ever seen--and with it a strange presence, the loner known only as Saint. Their origins are unclear, although Moon swears she sees a familiar glint in their eye when they first meet...

Regardless, they are perhaps the strongest medium in this world or the next. No one can quite figure out how they achieved such attunement, but--

They present Pebblestorm with a choice--cut his tethers and go to StarClan, or be erased from this world entirely. What he should have had or what he wanted. He responds with 'anything but this'. Or something along those lines, it's quite difficult for him to speak at this point.

Saint, ultimately, allows him to ascend to StarClan, to reunite with his old world (he will fade anyways, eventually, they reason. No need to erase a perfectly good soul). Eventually they do the same to Moon, which was... less warranted, but yknow. a saint's gotta do what a saint's gotta do (:

also Saint eventually goes on a frolick through StarClan and the Dark Forest, like they do in canon w/ Rubicon. saint will see a moonpool and go 'is anyone gonna jump in' and not wait for an answer

WOOO that was long. a lot of lore is still WIP but we ball

#spire rambles #spire answers #the star cycle #rain world #warrior cats #cw suicide mention #cw character death

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aajjks · 1 year ago

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TPOL!JK

is it wrong for you to think that dragging someone’s name through the mud when they’re dead is wrong? sure chaeyoung did fucked up things, you never said what she did was right but why should you and jungkook receive all the glory? their families lost their loved ones, fuck whoever raised them to be such horrible human beings, but they’re still a grieving family at the end of the day. jungkook KILLED them and you’re sure he’s thinking you’re fucked up for pitying the ones who kidnapped his son but you feel as though you aren’t any better than they are.

long story short, you don’t want any public knowledge about what happened especially when both of you know the truth.

when you finish changing jaemin’s diaper, you exit the bathroom and head back to jungkook’s room. you’re so focused on both jungkook’s and ji-ae’s attitude that you don’t notice bumping into someone causing their stuff to fall to the ground. “oh no. i am so sorry” you say leaning down to hand the belongings to the stranger who reassures you that you’re okay.

“don’t apologize” he says before looking up to meet your eyes and jaemin’s big doe ones.

“cute baby”

“oh, uh, thanks” you say as you hand the stranger his last item before making your way back to jungkook’s room and unbeknownst to you, the stranger is silently hoping to see your pretty face again.

“sorry it took me so long” you say as you walk inside the room. ji-ae speaks to you but jungkook doesn’t even make eye contact with you. “Yknow what? You all can go home I want to be alone right now”

yep, he’s definitely upset.

ji-ae tries to tell jungkook that everything is okay but you don’t fight against wish to have you (mainly you) to leave. you put jaemin in his seat, click him in, and tell ji-ae that it’s okay. you drove separately from ji-ae anyways so if he wants you to leave, then you don’t mind it.

“it’s okay, ji-ae. you get home safe” you say before grabbing yours and jaemin’s belongings and leaving the room.

ji-ae sighs and doesn’t bring up what she really wants to say but she concludes that if this keeps up then this relationship will never last.

as you’re walking up the hallway, you come across the stranger again who this time bumps into you on purpose but not too hard since you’re carrying a baby after all.

“hey!” you say. not really in the mood to make conversation when you clearly have an attitude but does the stranger care? not really.

“sorry sorry. need help?”

“no i’m good. thanks though”

then he notices your ring.

“that’s a beautiful ring. who’s the lucky person, eh?”

“the lucky person is…is just a lucky person”

“playing hard to get? i get it”

“sorry, i’m just having a bad day i guess”

“no i understand”

“trust me, you don’t. but uh, nice talking to you”

“w-wait! will i see you again?”

“maybe. depends”

you shrug and leave the stranger alone to decipher what you meant before remembering that he never caught your name.

Jungkook had the worst night of his life.

He couldn’t sleep at all because he was up thinking about whatever you meant to say yesterday, and it’s been bothering him like crazy.

And to his dismay? It’s already morning, so when the doctor comes in for his check up, Ji-Ae and You are present once again, and he has missed you undeniably a lot last night, but still he thinks that you deserve the silent treatment.

“Look doctor- LET ME LEAVE. I need to attend my friends wedding and I CANT MISS IT.” Jungkook sighs, getting a little annoyed because he really wants to attend the wedding and hangout with his friends, with you beside him.

Also did he mention that you look so gorgeous at 8 am in the morning?

He wants to have a good time. Jungkook starts to glare at the doctor and when his mother tries to make him understand his circumstances, he’s NOT listening.

And when you try to open your mouth, Jungkook decides to interrupt you, acknowledging the doctor once again, “it could be just for today! Look please just let me go.” He tries to say it calmly, he’s never really begged anyone except for you before but sometimes he has to make an exception.

Jiae doesn’t agree with her son’s decision at all but of course he’s Jeon Jaekuk’s son after all, he’s STUBBORN.

And, to Jungkook? He’s doing nothing wrong. The wedding is in the evening and he wants to be there with you.

Even though he’s still a little upset with you.

“PLEASE.” Jungkook says, Jaemin is staring at his father with his awake doe eyes, he’s started to fuss in your lap, Jungkook wants to look at you but he knows he will melt if he does.

“You have to let me leave.” And he’s not going to stop until the doctor says yes.

#ask: tpol!jungkook #omg???? THE STRANGER?!)????

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behexded · 3 years ago

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—“this small town life, it has its virtue. has potential to divert you from the life you knew back home.”

Ichabod Crane is a resident of Echo Springs, and looks like Andy Mientus. He is 34 and in town is a music teacher. Echo Springs doesn’t feel quite right, though - he recalls memories from Tarrytown, where he remembers the dizzying, nauseating realization that he’s in love with his best friend’s husband while the other man prattles on about football; carving pumpkins with his best friend while her husband tells a dark, haunting tale of a headless hessian; and freezing to the bone while waiting for his beloved’s company in a graveyard in late October, which fade when he wakes up – for now.

BASICS

Name: Ichabod Crane Age: 34 Occupation: Music Teacher Sexuality: Gay Canon: Tarrytown ( musical )

ECHO SPRINGS

( tw for mentions of homophobia )

Growing up, Ichabod’s family was rather well-off & he went to private school. He was a very good student, very smart, and he took up tutoring other students in his off time throughout high school. Tutoring made him feel useful, it turned him on to teaching as a career - it was something he was good at, after all.

Ichabod realized he was gay in sophomore year. One tutoring session in the library lead to a rough kiss over a frustrating textbook question which lead to a very panicked and very confused Ichabod bolting out of the library and back to his dorm with nothing more than a shakily murmured “I have to go.” Ichabod had never felt truly comfortable in his own skin and the realization just made it worse - it was a confusing time for him. scary, even. Figuring yourself out isn’t always easy, especially when you didn’t know there was more of yourself to figure out. Accepting himself was a slow process, but he got there with a little help (and perhaps a few more kisses. for experimental purposes, of course.) This is something he kept to himself, though. He wasn’t sure how his family would react and the thought of bringing it up terrified him.

After high school, Ichabod decided to go to college with every intent to become a music teacher because if there was one thing he truly enjoyed, it was music. And if he was going to teaching something for the rest of his life, shouldn’t it be something he enjoyed? College brought with it the freedom to experiment. People were far more open and accepting and, though it took him a little while to get out of his shell, so was Ichabod. He worried less about keeping things hidden and even bought his first pride flag, hanging it up in his dorm. It was so freeing, Ichabod had never felt more himself than he did his first semester of college.

Coming home during breaks soon became a chore because of how different he had to act around his family. Putting up a “Straight Man Front” and trying to laugh off questions about Girlfriends and Gettin’ Some (which he Was, just. not in the way they thought.) It was tiring. So in his second year of college, he decided that he was going to tell his family over winter break. He was fucking Terrified. So much so that he was sick to his stomach just thinking about it but. he couldn’t keep hiding who he was, it felt Wrong. One night over dinner, he announced very shakily that he had something he needed to tell everyone and then proceeded to come out at the dinner table, eyes never leaving his food and hands shaking.

Unfortunately, this didn’t go very well for young Ichabod. His mother was pissed and spouted a bunch of hurtful things at him. Absolutely devastated, Ichabod packed his things and left during the night. He cut all contact with his mom and picked up odd jobs to pay for an apartment of his own. Luckily, with the help of the financial aid department and the fact that he’d had a savings account, Ichabod was able to finish out his degree and begin his teaching career.

He’s one of those teachers who tries to make class Fun for the kids - he understands that it’s high school and no one wants to be there but he really wants his class to be one that the kids can look forward to. He keeps a prize box in the bottom drawer of his desk. It’s full of silly little trinkets like fun pencils and gel pens and plastic rings and jolly ranchers and he affectionately calls it “The Crow Box.” It’s used to reward good behavior, right answers, winning jeopardy teams, good grades, hard work ( which, ichabod recognizes, are two different things. your grades don’t always reflect how hard you’re working or how much effort you’re putting toward class. )

CANON –– TARRYTOWN

( tws for drug use, drug abuse, and brief mention of of a miscarriage )

After moving to New York City ( it’s never really said in canon why Ichabod moved to the city ), Ichabod Crane found himself lonely in every sense of the word. His coworkers didn’t quite meet the “friend” criteria and they certainly didn’t meet the “possible boyfriend” criteria. So he did the best thing he could think to do: he hit the bars. He went by himself, hoping to meet new people and perhaps to find a friend in a stranger. Unfortunately, he’s a bit shy and he didn’t think through the fact that he’d have to start conversations. He spent a few of these outings sitting on his own, sipping a drink and lost in thought.

One night, however, he was approached by one of the other bar goers and asked if he’d like to leave with him. Eager to make a connection, Ichabod agreed and followed the guy back to his place where they did cocaine together. Ichabod found that he really liked the way he felt when he was high - talking came easier and it eased his anxiety. After that, it became a regular occurance ( “as these things go, i started doing more and more” ) and despite his attempts to not give in, the withdrawal symptoms hit him a little too hard and he decided he’d rather be high than deal with all that.

Absences piled up as he opted to either stay home and get high or stay home because he’s feeling the drop. ( “then, rock bottom. first you get fired - that’s okay, more time to play. paranoia. ‘hey, you look tired,’ they all say.” ) But without money coming in, Ichabod couldn’t afford his rent anymore and it was then that everything really came crashing down. He had to get out of the city, away from his usual temptations, and start anew. He needed to get clean.

And so, he took a music teaching job in Tarrytown. It was far enough from the city that it seemed its own world but not far enough for the move to cost him too much time or energy. At first, he was nervous - another new town meant learning the names and faces of new people and making new friends, which, as we’ve established, Ichabod wasn’t very good at doing.

Luckily for him, on his first day at his new job he meets Katrina. She’s the principal’s assistant and she’s very friendly and incredibly bubbly. She shows Ichabod to his new classroom and excitedly babbles on about all sorts of things, eventually asking why Ichabod wanted to move here ( “why’d you leave new york city to come to this town so insular? you perceive it’s so pretty, if that’s what you prefer.” ) To which Ichabod responds that it isn’t that he wanted to move to Tarrytown but rather that he needed to leave the city and asks “can we talk about this later? I have lesson plans to go through.” Katrina apologizes and starts to leave only for Ichabod to stop her and, gently, thank her for being so kind to him. In return, she invites him over for dinner that evening.

When he arrives for dinner, Katrina’s still finishing up cooking and tells Ichabod he can wait in the living room with her husband if he’d like. Ichabod didn’t even know she had a husband, she’d never mentioned him that morning. And, unfortunately for poor disaster man Ichabod Crane, her husband is quite the looker. Brom introduces himself and invites Ichabod to watch the football game with him. Ichabod admits that he doesn’t know anything about football and Brom spends the time they have together before dinner teaching him everything he should know to understand it. Ichabod is enraptured by the man beside him, though he doesn’t learn a thing about the game - much too distracted by the odd fluttering sensations stirring in his chest. ( “who’s this guy? what’s his deal? what’s this awkwardness that i feel? i’m intrigued. what’s his aim? i ignite when he says my name. brom is straight! that’s just great! why i always into guys that aren’t available and even if they were would never go for me??” the fucking ‘i ignite when he says my name’ lyric makes me go absolutely fucking bonkers whatta romantic line im a FOOL. )

At the dinner table, the three chat and get to know each other better. It’s very obvious that there’s some tension between Brom and Katrina and Ichabod feels a little awkward sitting there while they bicker about the little things. It’s like when your friend’s parents argue in front of you. But he tries to keep the mood light with his own little interjections. After dinner, Brom excuses himself from the table and Katrina and Ichabod are left to chat amongst themselves. Katrina reveals that she’s unhappy in her marriage to Brom. They were high school sweethearts and when Katrina got pregnant, it was only right that they get married - rumors fly in a small town. She tells Ichabod that she “didn’t love him, but was psyched to be a mom.” Unfortunately, she lost the baby but she stayed with Brom anyway and just hasn’t left.

Ichabod gets a call from Katrina the next day, saying that she and Brom had a fight. He’s her best friend and so she’s calling him asking for advice. He tries not to outright tell her to leave her husband - he doesn’t want to push her into anything big like that - but she seems like she’s looking for his approval to leave Brom and so Ichabod tells her to do what would make her most happy. Shortly after Katrina’s call, Ichabod gets a visit at work from Brom. He’s gentle and a bit . flirty, if Ichabod’s reading the room right, and he asks how to win Katrina over. Ichabod suggests a romantic gesture - a trip together or something - and once Brom is gone, dwells on his feelings for a bit.

Katrina shows up at Ichabod’s later that night, having refused Brom’s “grand romantic gesture” of going apple picking. They hadn’t really discussed it, but Ichabod takes her in no questions asked. She’s his best friend and he’s here to help.

Over the next few months, Ichabod divides his time between work, bonding with Katrina at home, and hanging out with Brom. His hopeless little crush on his best friend’s husband just continues to grow and Brom seems to actively feed into it, to Ichabod’s delight. Brom invites Ichabod over for Halloween and, missing Brom, Katrina decides to tag along. The trio carve pumpkins, hand out candy, and have a genuinely good time together until Brom decides to tell ghost stories.

Ichabod is, at his core, a scaredy cat. This man cannot handle horror and may Actually Faint if you jumpscare him. But, not wanting to seem immature, he lets Brom go on. Katrina thinks Brom’s being mean and after a brief argument, she leaves. In the aftermath, Ichabod confesses his love for Brom ( “even i can’t get over the shock that i love you. brom, i love you! i’m in love!” ) He admits that he’s noticed the way Brom’s acting around him and that he understands that this sort of thing can be scary. ( “i can see you’re like me - spinning, lost, and forlorn. always cursing the day and the way you were born!” ) They share a kiss and Brom tells Ichabod that if they’re going to go any further he’ll need to be high to do it. Ichabod obliges, taking whatever Brom gives him without question.

It’s then that Katrina returns to talk things out and Brom tells Ichabod to meet him on the bridge in the cemetery - he’ll catch up once he makes sure Katrina is okay. Ichabod believes him, the poor guy, and heads out. Ichabod wanders the cemetery around the bridge as he waits, still on edge from the story Brom told about a headless hessian, and starting to feel the high of the drugs Brom gave him.

Brom never shows, but the horseman does. Ichabod resigns himself to whatever fate awaits him ( “just let me die, just kill me and chop off my head! who would care? who would notice if i turned up dead? not brom. not his wife. they’re too busy destroying the other one’s life. so who cares?” ) and he’s never seen or heard from again.

tldr; you can find a concise, clean, to-the-point summary of the full tarrytown musical plot here ! :) i’m simply: bad at summarizing things without going into too much detail- hjshdk

#drug tw #drug abuse tw #miscarriage tw #it's a brief one sentence mention but i wanted to tag it just in case !!#i feel like it's better to be safe than sorry w this stuff yknow?#hsjdsk #;; the man in the middle | ICHABOD #;; you just need to laugh through your own plot | HCS & WRITINGS #;; i ignite when he says my name | BROM #;; look what i found: a friend! who knew? | KATRINA #homophobia tw

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crystalninjaphoenix · 3 years ago

Text

Similarities

Switch AU

A JSE Fanfic

Y’know I realize there hasn’t been that much advancement of the plot in this AU as of late. Sorry bout that. But hey, no story is all action all the time. And we get character development! In this, Jackie stays over with JJ and Marvin, and talks with the latter about some...experiences. Emotions are involved. Two characters grow closer. Stuff like that. It was nice to write, so I hope you guys enjoy :)

More of this AU found here

“And then! And then Kristy gave me this bracelet. She gave one to all the girls in class, I mean, but look at it! It’s my favorite colors!” Michelle shook her wrist, causing her new red-and-yellow beaded bracelet to spin wildly around it. “And I’m the only one who got the star charms!”

Jackie smiled, leaning down to ruffle Michelle’s hair. “Sounds like a fun last day of school.”

“It was! And now we’re on holiday, and that’s always great!” Michelle flopped down onto her back, now laying on the living room floor, and looked up at her dad sitting on the sofa with wide eyes. “And about holidays, what did you get me for Christmas?”

“I can’t tell you that! It’ll ruin the surprise!”

“I’ll like it anyway.”

Jackie laughed. “That’s probably true, but the surprise makes it even better. Why, is there something you really want?”

“Don’t worry, I already wrote my letter,” Michelle said proudly. “I gave it to Ren.”

“Oh that’s great!” Jackie said. Rama showed him the letter earlier; Michelle had included a detailed list of toys she wanted Santa to bring. “Right, I forgot they told me they dropped it off at the mailbox. They also said your writing is looking really good.”

“They did?!” Michelle beamed. “That’s so cool.”

Before Jackie could continue, the alarm on his phone went off. He dug it out of his hoodie pocket and turned it off, sighing. “Well, looks like I have to go now.”

“Aww.” Michelle’s happy expression turned to a pout as they sat up. “Can’t you stay more? I never see you anymore.”

“Sorry, sweetie, Dad has to go to work,” Jackie said regretfully. “But I’m really glad I stopped by before I had to.”

“Stupid work,” Michelle grumbled. She held out her arms. “Hug?”

Jackie bent over and gave her a hug, squeezing tight as he lifted her off the ground and onto her feet. “I’ll see you again later.”

“Bye, Dad.” Michelle waved as Jackie grabbed his coat and walked over to the front door, heading out.

It was a bit after noon, the sky partly cloudy. Jackie had taken to picking up shorter afternoon and evening shifts at the hospital. He was fine with taking more, but his boss still insisted he didn’t work as much, after the...ordeal he went through a few months ago. Part of him wondered if she was trying to get him to quit or something, but he wasn’t going to do that any time soon, so it was a misguided strategy if that was the case.

Rama was outside, trying to do yard work in their small front garden. Jackie stopped for a moment, watching. They quickly noticed and stopped, standing up straight and turning around to ask, “Enjoying the view?”

“Hey, I-I didn’t—I wasn’t—” Jackie stammered, blushing a bit. “You’re wearing a coat. I was just thinking it looked a bit difficult, pulling up dead weeds in the—in the hard winter dirt—”

“I know, Jackieboy,” Rama chuckled. “Leaving so soon?”

“Yeah,” Jackie said regretfully. “I already said goodbye to Michelle.”

Rama hesitated, then slowly asked, “Have you...thought about moving back in...any time? In the near future, I mean.”

Jackie paused, thinking about it as he turned to look over the house. It was so familiar to him. It was his home—or at least, it had been, up until...everything happened. And just being inside put him on edge. “You know...it’s not just that it’s ours, i-it’s any place that...sort of looks like the place where...” He trailed off. After all this time, he still hadn’t told Rama anything about Distorter. He wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t a good idea to keep secrets from your spouse. But just...something like that...it seemed like the more people knew about Distorter, the more they were pulled into this situation. They’d already lost Michelle for a bit, he couldn’t bear if...

“I understand,” Rama nodded. “But...we miss you. Even though you visit so often.”

“I know, I miss you too.” Jackie thought about it. “I—I still get pretty anxious, but I’m working on it. With Lisa.” That was his therapist. “Maybe sooner rather than later?”

Rama went silent, then clapped their hands once. “Okay. We’ll buy an apartment.”

“Wh-what?!” Jackie gasped. “Ramram, you can’t do that! It’s expensive, and we’re putting most of your book money towards Michelle’s education—Not to mention it’ll be a whole change, the move might be hard on Mich, especially if it’s too far away from the school and she has to transfer. And we’re in the suburbs because of the quiet for your writing—No, i-it won’t work out, I can’t make you two do that.”

After a moment, Rama slowly nodded. “If you’re sure. Take care of yourself, mi corazón. Do what’s best for you.”

Jackie walked over and gave Rama a quick squeeze of the hand. “I will. You do the same.”

They leaned close and kissed him on the cheek. “Have a good time at work.”

“Thanks. I mean, I’ll try. I’ll see you guys later.”

And with that, he headed over to his car and got inside. Before driving off, he waved at the house one more time. Rama waved back, standing in the yard, and Michelle did, too, watching from the front window. He kept looking at them as he pulled away.

———————

That evening, Jackie was driving back from work, tired after a long day, when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Who could be texting him now? Rama, maybe? Did they want to continue the conversation they had before he went to the hospital? Or maybe it was similarly important. Curious, Jackie pulled over to the side of the road and parked, taking his phone out to check it really quick.

The message was from JJ. Hey Jackie. Sorry, but it’s happened again.

Jackie knew what that meant. He unlocked the phone and replied, Marvin? Whats the problem this time? Symptoms?

Fever again. Sometimes coughing, no sneezing. I thought it was just a cold, but I think it’s getting bad.

Bad? Jackie asked, already worried.

Maybe I’m just paranoid. Thinking about that time he had to stay in the hospital last year. But I’d rather be safe than sorry. Can you pop over?

Jackie didn’t hesitate. Of course. I’ll be right there. But first, how long has he been sick?

JJ paused, probably thinking. Well it really only started the day before yesterday, but about a week ago he got a little sick. He was better by the next day, so I assumed that was it.

Yknow he mightve been pretending to be better?

If he was, I’m going to kill him, JJ immediately replied.

Jackie let out a huff of laughter. Dont kill him before I get there. I’ll be there in ten minutes, tops.

Got it. Thanks.

He put his phone back in his pocket and pulled back onto the road. He really hoped it wasn’t a repeat of what happened last year. That situation had been...worrying. Stressful, even. Because Marvin hadn’t had any official paperwork, they couldn’t get him to the hospital right away, not until Anti could forge some stuff. Poor Marvin had to suffer through a lot before they got everything together. Luckily, they’d gotten him up-to-date with paperwork and vaccines since then, but even so, winter seemed to especially affect his health.

It was unlikely that this would be a similar situation, but just in case, Jackie stepped on the gas.

———————

He arrived at Marvin and Jameson’s house nine minutes later and hurried up to the front door, where he knocked and waited. Almost immediately the door swung open to show Jameson inside. So glad you could make it, he signed. I hope I didn’t message you at an inconvenient time.

“Huh? No, it was fine, I was heading back home, anyway.” Jackie stepped inside, and JJ closed the door behind him. “Is he in his room?”

Unless he left in the last minute, JJ said.

That might actually be a possibility, given Marvin’s attitude towards being sick. Jackie hurried down the hall to his bedroom. The door was closed, so he slowly eased it open and poked his head in. “Marvin? It’s me.”

The lights were off, and the dark room was filled with the sound of an electric fan whirring. Something moved on the bed—probably Marvin rolling over. “Y’got t’be more specific. ‘Me’ coul’ be anyone,” he mumbled.

“It’s Jackie.” As he said this, Jackie reached over and flipped on the light switch, so Marvin could see him as well as hear.

“Ah!” Marvin squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden brightness. “Jackie? Huh. Come for a visit..? No, wait...y’here for somet’ing?”

“Yeah, I’m just uh...stopping by for a bit.” Jackie took a step into the room, JJ following shortly behind, and walked over to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“‘M fine. Jus’ grand.” Obviously, this was not the case. Marvin was sweating enough to make his hair damp, and his skin had a sickly pallor. But despite how hot he seemed, he was shivering, and had the comforter on the bed pulled up. Mr. Fluffington was sitting next to the pillow, purring furiously. Marvin reached over and petted him for a moment before flinging his arm over his face and covering his eyes. “Ev’ryt’ing’s Jake.”

“Yeah. Um...clearly not.” Jackie looked over at JJ. “Can you go get the—”

Already anticipating what he was going to ask for, JJ walked over to the nearest chair and picked up their first aid kit, coming back over to hand it to Jackie.

“Oh. Thanks.” Jackie took it and started rummaging about inside. “Marv, I’m going to take your temperature, do you mind?”

“A-ha. So it’s a fuckin’...fucking’ check-up I get it...” Marvin trailed off into mumbling under his breath, but didn’t protest as Jackie pulled out the thermometer and took his temperature. After it was done, he rolled over onto his side, practically burying his face in Fluffington’s fur.

Jackie looked down at the thermometer and frowned. 39.2 C...that wasn’t good. Wasn’t good at all. “Marvin? How do you really feel? Like...on the fatigue scale, where would you be?”

Marvin looked back over at him, head rolling lazily. “Hmm...se-seven? Seven and a half?”

“You have a really high fever. Is there anything else, like a headache or something?”

“Well...” Marvin paused to think. His eyes were a bit glazed. “T’ere’s a tickle in my throat. Won’ go ‘way. My nose is all stuffy. Felt a bit sick...sick like...the stomach issues sick. Couldn’ eat anyt’ing ‘cause...bad.”

Jackie glanced over at JJ, hovering nearby. I can second that, JJ said. He didn’t have dinner.

“Alright. It’s probably just a cold,” Jackie said. Yet a note of uncertainty remained in his voice. “A bad one, but you’ll probably be fine.”

So what do we do then? JJ asked.

Jackie hesitated. “Well...” His instincts were telling him not to take any risks, to stay and make sure everything stayed fine. “Given past experiences, is it okay if I spend the night? Just to keep an eye on things.”

“Wha...?” With a fair amount of effort, Marvin sat up. “No, don’ stay over, you’re...you’re prob’ly all busy. Ye jus’ said it was alrigh’.”

“Alright...for now,” Jackie said darkly. “Right now you’re on the edge of ‘a bad cold’ and ‘a serious issue.’ Things could easily get worse in the night, but by tomorrow, it’ll be clear if this is the worst it’ll get or...if there’s more.”

JJ’s expression was filled with anxiety. Is there anything I can do to help?

“Yeah. Get him to take his shirt off.”

Marvin snorted. “Whoa, Jackie, you know Jems and I aren’...aren’ a pair. Not t’at type of pair.”

Jackie rolled his eyes. “Seriously, you need to change your shirt. I know your feelings on short sleeves, but this is making your fever worse.” He turned back to JJ. “Anyway, you know what else. Ibuprofen, water, all that. You already got the fan on, that’s good.”

JJ nodded seriously. Got it. You really want to stay over?

“Well...better safe than sorry, you know? If it starts to go bad, I can recognize it, and we can get him to the hospital really quickly. Is...is it okay?”

Of course it is! You can stay whenever, but especially in this situation. You’re the doctor, after all. JJ smiled gently.

Marvin groaned. “Fffffine, Jackie can stay.”

Jackie smiled a bit at Marvin’s acceptance. But really, him not protesting more was a sign of how bad he felt. At this point, he probably recognized that he needed help, and it wasn’t worth the struggle. “Great. I’ll just have to call Schneep and tell him what’s going on, so he doesn’t get worried when I don’t show up at the flat. But right now, where do you keep the Ibuprofen?”

———————

Marvin and Jameson’s town house didn’t have a guest bedroom, so Jackie had to set up in the living room. Luckily, they did have lots of spare pillows and blankets. But Jackie wasn’t going to sleep right away. He was staying over to keep an eye on things, so that’s what he did. First, by making sure Marvin actually changed clothes into something cooler and more lightweight. Then, by teaming up with JJ to make sure Marvin actually ate dinner. He still didn’t have much of an appetite, but between the two of them, they convinced him that he needed the energy. Oh, and water. He needed lots of water.

In the meantime, Jackie watched some YouTube videos on his phone to pass the time. JJ offered to lend him a book, but Jackie turned him down. He wasn’t in the mood to read, and besides, it would probably take him days to finish with his new work schedule. Every so often, he got up and went into Marvin’s bedroom to check on him. Maybe too often. Marvin quickly got annoyed, though he didn’t have the energy to snap at him.

“Hey, do you need anything?” Jackie asked on perhaps his fifth check-in.

“I need...t’not be so hot,” Marvin replied, a faint note of sarcasm in his voice.

“Do you feel worse?” Jackie asked. “Maybe you need to take off the blanket?”

“No.” Marvin briefly buried his face in the pillow before realizing that he couldn’t breathe like that, not while his nose was all congested. “‘f I take off the...the blanket, then ‘m too cold.”

“Ah. Well, maybe a thinner one, then? Here, lemme take your temperature again.”

Marvin didn’t say anything, just allowed the temperature-taking and the blanket-switching. Then he rolled over and closed his eyes, presumably falling asleep immediately.

JJ bounced between being on his computer, being upstairs in his magic workroom, and checking up on and bringing things to Marvin. He constantly seemed distracted, unable to commit to one course of action. Jackie couldn’t blame him. His best friend was sick, and there was a distinct possibility that he could get worse and would need to go to the hospital. Anyone would wander around, unsure what to do.

One time, JJ came into the living room with his laptop and sat down, writing. “What’re you doing?” Jackie asked.

JJ looked up. Work stuff. A lot of emails, mostly.

“Ugh. Work emails.” Jackie shook his head. “Y’know half the time the emails I get aren’t even relevant to me. It’s like ‘Notice: thing in the operating room’ and I’m like ‘you do know I’m just a GP, right? And for kids, too, right?’ Like, I think I’ve been in the operating room twice.”

JJ chuckled weakly. It’s a bit different for me. I have to coordinate rehearsals and effect supplies, book venues, and generally manage and schedule a bunch of people.

“Really? What about your manager? What’s her name, uhhh...Darla? Doesn’t she do that stuff?”

Sort of. It’s like a joint effort. I’m technically in charge, though, so I at least have to approve everything.

Jackie shook his head. “I could never do that. Too much. How do you manage?”

I was a theatre kid, JJ said, shrugging with a half-smile on his face.

“Does having actual magic help?”

Not really, not with all the organizational stuff. If anything, it can make things more complicated, as I have to figure out a trick that I can use with real magic but cover up with tricks and effects. JJ sighed. I really need this to go well, Jackie. It’s the first show since my voice was damaged, it has to work out.

Jackie smiled at him. He leaned over from his position on the sofa and put a hand on JJ’s shoulder, which he could barely reach as JJ was sitting in a different chair. “You’ll do great. Your shows have always been fantastic, and the voice thing isn’t going to change that.”

JJ smiled a bit. Thanks, Jackie. Glad to know you think so.

“We all do. We belieeeeve in youuuu.”

JJ laughed a bit, and returned to his emails.

Eventually, night came. JJ wrapped up his work and reluctantly headed to bed, not wanting to leave Marvin alone and sick. But Jackie assured him that it would be fine. He would be staying up, and if Marvin wanted to talk to JJ specifically, he could go wake him up. Or Marvin could text him. Mostly reassured, Jameson went upstairs to sleep, leaving Jackie awake in the living room.

Jackie checked on Marvin a couple times more, but found him asleep. Exhausted from all the fatigue he was feeling. Good. If he slept well, he’d probably be better in the morning, and they could all relax when it turned out to be a terrible cold, and nothing more.

Watching YouTube videos eventually got boring, so Jackie decided to plug his phone in to charge and do something else for a bit. As it turned out, Mr. Fluffington was still awake as well. So Jackie found a laser pointer in a table drawer in the living room and played with him for a bit. Until, after a while, Fluffington got tired of the red dot, and even the cat went to bed.

Bored again, Jackie put the laser pointer back. He was considering JJ’s offer of lending a book to read, and was looking over the titles of the ones on the living room bookshelves, when he heard...something. Some sort of distant sound. He paused, going still as he listened.

For a while, nothing happened, and everything was silent. But then, he heard it again. A voice? Someone saying something? Maybe it wasn’t words, but instead just sounds...distressed sounds. After a few moments of listening, Jackie realized with a start that the voice was coming from down the hall. The direction of Marvin’s room.

Something must have been wrong. Immediately, Jackie unplugged his phone and pocketed it—just in case—and headed down the hall, half-running. He reached Marvin’s door soon, finding it closed. He didn’t hesitate to open it and step inside. “Marvin?! Is everything okay?”

The room was dark again, pitch black in the night. The fan was off. Strange, it was on last time Jackie was in here. Had Marvin woken up and turned it off? That didn’t matter. He could clearly hear Marvin, crying out and whimpering. Jackie flicked the light switch on and walked over. “Marvin? What’s wrong?”

Marvin didn’t answer, just kept mumbling and crying, sounding frantic. Then, Jackie noticed his eyes were closed. Ah. So he was asleep. Having a nightmare. And a bad one, by the looks of it. His blankets and even his shirt were all twisted around him, which only upset him more, as he seemed to be trying to fight against them. Jackie reached out and put a hand on his head, then immediately pulled it away. He was so hot, the fever burning him up. Jackie turned the fan on and checked the bedside nightstand for anything else. There was a half-empty glass of water and a damp cloth. That would work.

He picked up the damp cloth and tried to put it on Marvin’s head. But Marvin cried out and yanked his head away, shouting...something. Jackie couldn’t quite catch it, but he thought he heard ‘go away’ and ‘don’t want your help.’ “Marvin, it’s me. I-I want to—can you wake up? Wake up, it’s fine.” He reached out to try and untangle the blankets.

That turned out to be the wrong thing to do. Marvin started flailing wildly, tossing, turning, kicking, waving. The blankets restricted his movement, but it was still enough to make him roll off the opposite side of the bed. “Marvin!” Jackie leaned over the bed. “God damn it. I’ll get you, don’t worry.”

As he walked around to the other side, he stopped for a moment. The edge of the blankets were tucked into the gap between the mattress and the footboard. Jackie pulled them out, letting the blankets go free. That made them somewhat less restrictive, but it also meant that Marvin, still moving and struggling, ended up wrapping them loosely around his legs. Which...actually probably didn’t help in the long run. Well, too late now. Jackie knelt down on the ground next to Marvin. “Hey, calm down, it’s fine,” he said, trying to sound soothing as he went about untangling the blankets around him.

It took longer than he expected. Marvin kept wriggling and flailing, but still had his eyes firmly shut as he remained asleep. Jackie tried to wake him up, but to no avail. And he kept muttering the whole time, occasionally whimpering or crying out as if in pain. His words ran together, slurred by sleep-talking, but some distinct phrases popped up: “Get away!” “Don’t you dare...” “Leave me alone!” “...don’t want it.” “Don’t want you.” It hurt Jackie’s heart to hear. Was it the fever causing this nightmare? Or something more?

After a good few minutes, he freed the blankets, leaving them on the floor as he tried to pick up Marvin. Again, the struggling made this difficult. Marvin actively tried to push him away at times...though that mostly turned into him weakly slapping Jackie’s face and arms. But Jackie was determined, and managed to get Marvin back on top of the mattress. Once there, Marvin gave up and went limp, lying there still. Jackie sighed in relief and pressed his hand to his head. Still hot, and his pale skin was damp with sweat. He should wake him up soon, get him to drink some water to replace what he lost with all the sweat. But first, he picked up the damp rag again, using some of the water from the glass to wet it more and make it cooler. He laid the cloth across Marvin’s forehead.

The moment he did, something...unusual started to happen. Marvin whimpered, turned his head to the side, and started to cry. Tears leaked from his eyes as he quietly sobbed and continued to mumble something. The words had changed. Now, Jackie could hear a lot of “No” and “Please don’t” over and over and over. As he listened, stunned, these were broken up by adding “I’m sorry” and “I’ll be good” to the mix, which only shocked him further.

“God. Marvin,” he whispered to himself. No more waiting, he had to wake him up now. He couldn’t handle the thought of leaving him to whatever horrible nightmare he was having. “Marvin, wake up. It’s me, it’s Jackie.” He leaned over and started shaking him. Gently at first, then gradually harder as that failed to wake him up. His voice slowly raised. “Marvin. Marvin! This is Jackie. You need to wake up!”

After what felt like ages, Marvin stopped mumbling. He groaned, and slowly opened his eyes, staring up at Jackie. At first, confused. Then slowly getting his bearings. He reached up and weakly grabbed at the damp cloth on his forehead until he managed to take it off. Then he tried to sit up, but gave up once the fatigue proved too heavy. “Whoa...” he muttered. “I...where...? When...?”

“You’re in your room. In the house you live in with Jameson,” Jackie explained patiently. “It’s...” He checked the time on his phone. “Ha, it’s midnight on the dot.”

“What...?” Marvin swallowed dryly. “What’s the date?”

“December 10th.”

“...the year?”

“2018.”

“Right.” Marvin nodded a bit, then stopped, looking a bit dizzy. Once again, he tried to sit up, and this time Jackie helped him prop himself against the headboard. “D’you...have any water?”

“Yeah.” Jackie grabbed the water glass and offered it to him. Marvin grasped it weakly, and Jackie only let go once he was sure he could hold it securely.

Immediately, Marvin lifted the glass to his mouth and drank, draining the glass. “Th’nk you,” he said, handing it back.

“No problem,” Jackie said, taking it. “I can go get more, if you want. Colder, too.”

Marvin took a deep breath, looking unsure. Actually, he looked more than unsure. He looked...shaken.

“You were...having a bad dream,” Jackie said gently. “I-I could hear you making noise, talking and...shouting and...and crying. So I came to check on you. You were rolling around and fell off at one point, but now you’re awake. A-and you’re alright. You’re safe.”

Marvin stared at him for a while, then looked away and closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. Then, strangely...he laughed. “Bad dream,” he repeated. “‘Tis always a bad dream. T’at’s...only time I remember. Which ‘s...strange...isn’ it? T’at’s not how mem’ry works.”

“Remember?” Jackie blinked. “Remember what?”

A pause. Marvin opened his eyes, but didn’t look directly at Jackie. “If y’coul’...go get water I’d…’preciate it.”

“Do you mean...the time you were with him?” Jackie asked softly.

Marvin stiffened. “How’d you...?”

“How did I guess? I just...” Jackie looked down at his hands. He traced the scars on his wrists and shrugged. “It sounded...familiar.”

The silence that followed stretched on. Jackie was worried he’d overstepped some boundary and was about to leave, when Marvin pulled his knees up and gestured to the end of the bed, now clear without his legs there. “Sit down.”

Jackie sat. “Did I—do you not want to talk about it?”

“You...you r’member, righ’?” Marvin asked. “What happened...when you were with him?”

“Of course. I-I-I couldn’t forget.” Jackie laughed humorlessly. “It’s actually a problem, so much reminds me of it. I had to make Volt throw out his zip-ties, and put away his knives and half his cleaning stuff when I moved in with him, since just looking at them freaked me out. I mean, he’s taken them out again now. ‘Cause it’s a bit better. But I can’t...can’t go home, or into any house that’s even a bit similar to that place, can’t spend too much time inside...” He trailed off. “You...don’t remember anything?”

Marvin hummed, leaning his head back against the wall. “‘T’s strange for me. I don’...I don’ remember how I got here. To the...the ‘when,’ I mean. But I...I’m startin’ t t’ink that...he’s the reason for that.”

“Like...he brought you to the present?” Jackie asked.

“No.” Marvin shook his head a bit, but gave up, wincing a bit. Jackie guessed a headache or something that made the motion worse. “I don’ t’ink he coul’ do t’at. It...it doesn’ really fit him, or...or what he can do. Y’know? But...after I got here, however t’at happened, I...I t’ink I ran into him. A-an’ he decided someone so confused woul’ be an easy target.” He paused for a moment, just breathing. Jackie waited patiently. “I didn’...didn’ r’member any of t’is at first. I forgot ev’ryt’ing between bein’ home, and meeting Jems. But...when I go to sleep, I remember. In my dreams.”

“Well...that can happen sometimes,” Jackie said slowly. “Your brain can block out upsetting stuff. And having nightmares about what happened to you is a common trauma response. At least, that’s what I’ve been told.”

“No, no, I know t’at, but it’s...diff’rent for me,” Marvin insisted. “It’s all...too clear. Like it’s happenin’ for the first time. And...I know the dreams r’lly happened, because...I have scars...that match up.”

At that, Jackie glanced down at Marvin’s arms. He’d noticed the scars before, but hadn’t really thought too much about them. Maybe that said something about him as a friend. Or maybe he just didn’t want to pry. But they definitely existed. Most of them were short lines, probably caused by something sharp, but there were also a few burn scars on Marvin’s upper arms. They were all usually covered by his shirt. Jackie suddenly made a connection. “Is that why you always wear long sleeves?”

“Don’ t’ink so,” Marvin mumbled. “Everyt’ing I say, about proper dress and wantin’ t’keep to a routine and not wantin’ any random people grabbin’ my arm...that’s all true. But...maybe it is a reason, but I jus’ don’ realize it. Is that why you wear your jacket all the time now?”

“Hmm.” Jackie tugged at the cuffs of his hoodie. “No. I mean, it’s related. I just...” He paused, getting his thoughts together. “I didn’t have this while I was with him. I-I left it behind. Or...he did, when he showed up. So it’s just...a reminder that it’s all safe now.”

“Reminder,” Marvin repeated, and nodded, once.

Jackie let out a long exhale. It was really easy to talk to Marvin about all this. He’d had to work up to sharing details like this with his therapist, but now, he was letting them spill. It must have been because he knew Marvin would understand. “I guess if you don’t remember anything, you don’t need a reminder. Right? Ha. I-I wish I didn’t remember.”

Marvin pressed a hand to his head, as if he could feel the empty spots where the missing memories were supposed to be. “I don’ know. I think...I think I’d rather jus’ know. Because...he must’ve done it. He must’ve made me forget. But...why? For what? What’s the purpose? Is there...somet’ing I still don’ know? T’at he wanted to keep secret?”

“Huh. I...didn’t think of that.” Jackie frowned. “You’re right.”

“T’ere’s a lot missing. I’ve dreamt about how...about how we met, but how’d I get out? I dreamt him takin’ my set of playin’ cards, but...why do I feel...they were so important? More t’an just bein’ mine, I mean. And what...what did I do?” Marvin said that last part in a hushed tone.

Jackie stared at him. Then he stood, took a few steps closer to Marvin, and sat back down on the bed, now next to Marvin. He leaned against the headboard instead of sitting on the edge, so the two of them were mirroring each other, side by side. It wasn’t particularly comfortable. The bed was narrow, so he had to sit very close to Marvin, still burning with fever. But...he wanted to. And Marvin didn’t protest. “If you did anything, it wasn’t your fault,” Jackie said softly. “You can’t...do anything in that state.”

Marvin rubbed his eyes. They were starting to water. “You...know?”

Jackie nodded silently.

Taking a shaky breath, Marvin asked, “What...h-how bad...were the things he...made you...?”

After a long moment, Jackie replied. “No one died. But...some were hurt. I think...if I stayed there any longer, it would’ve gotten worse.” He had to stop for a moment. He’d...never told anyone about that. “But it’s...it’s not our fault. It’s Distorter’s. We called him that because he distorts thought, a-and that’s exactly what he did. We aren’t those thoughts he put there, o-or the actions he caused.”

Marvin couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He buried his face in his hands, but Jackie caught a glimpse of them flowing before he could hide them entirely. “I jus’...wish I coul’ remember.” A sob caught in this throat. “I remember feelin’ horrible, I remember screamin’ at him for what he made me do, I remember tryin’ to fight against it...but I don’ remember what I did. I t’ink...I might dream the memory one day. A-an’ I...don’ know...how I’ll react.”

Jackie leaned against him. Reaching up, he took Marvin’s wrist and slowly pulled his hand away from his face, revealing the tear stains and bloodshot eyes. “We aren’t those thoughts,” he repeated, quietly, but firmly. “Those actions weren’t us.”

Marvin stared at him. Then nodded. He looked away. “Will you...stay? For a while?”

“Of course.”

The two of them sat in silence for a long while, the night stretched before them.

———————

The next morning, Jackie woke up to the familiar sounds of someone making breakfast. He opened his eyes and sat up, wincing a bit at the ache in his side and neck. The sofa was clearly designed for sitting, not sleeping. He stretched to try and make it better, then stood and went into the kitchen.

JJ was the one cooking. He waved at Jackie, then asked him for help carrying food to Marvin, still in bed. Jackie agreed and the two of them went down the hall.

Marvin was awake. Sitting up, in fact, with Fluffington in his lap. He thanked the two of them for breakfast. While he ate, Jackie gave him a quick check-up, taking his temperature and asking him basic questions. The fever had distinctly died down, and Marvin reported that he felt really tired, but not nauseous, and he could breathe easier. Jackie and JJ were both immediately relieved.

“So it’s just a cold, then,” Jackie concluded, relaxing for the first time in a full day. “Sorry about all the trouble, you two.”

“Eh, better safe t’an sorry, right?” Marvin shrugged. “And ‘t was...nice to have you over.”

Jackie gave him a gentle smile. Then he said, “I’ll be going now, then. It was nice to be over, too. Though sleeping on the sofa kind of sucked.”

Well you’re wearing jeans, JJ pointed out.

“That’s not a problem, I sleep in jeans a lot.”

What?! JJ gasped, looking personally offended. Jackie, you didn’t tell me you were absolutely out of your mind! How can that be comfortable?!

Jackie laughed. “You get used to it.”

“No, ‘m with Jems on t’is one,” Marvin said, his words slightly muffled as he was speaking into his cup of apple juice.

“I used to take long night shifts at the hospital years ago, and I was so tired that I didn’t even bother to get into pajamas when I got home,” Jackie defended himself. “I mean, I don’t have night shifts anymore, but that’s still a leftover quirk.”

Marvin rolled his eyes. “Didn’ ye say you had to go?”

“Yeah, I told Volt I’d be back in the morning before he went to work at ten. I’ll tell him how you’re doing, by the way. Anti, too.”

“T’anks.” Marvin looked at him. “For...ev’ryt’ing. Be seein’ you.”

“Be seeing you,” Jackie repeated. “And thank you. Goodbye.”

JJ looked confused. He followed Jackie as he headed down the hall to the front door. Before he could leave, he asked, Did something happen?

“Oh. Uhh we had a talk last night,” Jackie said. “About some...serious stuff.”

Ah. I won’t pry, then, JJ said, backing off. Hey, Jackie. Thanks for coming over and staying and everything. I hope it wasn’t an inconvenience.

“It’s never an inconvenience to help a friend. Or, you know, even if there wasn’t a problem, I’d be happy to stay over any time.” Jackie laughed a bit. “Just gotta prepare a bit better next time. Get an air mattress.”

JJ smiled. Still, thank you. It...it really means a lot, you know? I’m sure Marvin’s glad you stop by to check on him when he’s sick, even when he protests. But remember to take care of yourself too, you know?

Jackie nodded. “Thanks, J. I will. But you have to remember that, too. I know you’re busy with your show and now Marvin’s sick and everything, but keep your stress levels down. You worry a lot about everyone else. Might spread yourself too thin.”

JJ sighed. It...has happened before. I’ll try.

“No, you won’t try. You will take care of yourself. Or let Marvin or one of us do it.”

Alright, I get the point, JJ smiled a bit. Hey, by the way, the show starts in January. Opening night is New Year’s Day, actually. You and Henrik and Anti can come see it for free, if you want. The families, too.

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Jackie said cheerfully. Rama and Michelle would probably like that. “I’ll see you later, then?”

See you later. Bye, Jackie.

“Bye, JJ.”

Jackie headed out, hurrying to his car, still parked where he left it last night. A few loose snowflakes started to fall from the sky as he climbed inside and turned on the heater.

That was...a night. An unexpected one, but...one he needed. He reflected on it as he started to drive away. Then, he took the turn that would take him to Rama and Michelle’s house—his house. There was still time before he said he’d be back at Schneep’s apartment. He wanted to be with his family again.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticegos #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticeye au #septic egos #septic egos au #jackieboy man #dr jackie parker #marvin the magnificent #1920s marvin #jameson jackson #the jaunty jackson #brigid writes fanfiction #septicswitchau

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cattles-bians · 4 years ago

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damie vibecca exes au part 8

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obsetress: now i just want fanart of damvibecca at the gym

em: well. pitch it to me comrade ghostfucker

obsetress: idk that's about as far as i got i just reread that bit about vibecca in their matching gym outfits and my brain got stuck

em: hypothetically do u have a colour palette in mind bc i associate gym outfits w like. bright loud colours and

em: idk if it works w our earth sign queens

[em note: emily is a liar and did NOT draw fanart of damvibecca at the gym]

[em note 2: we have the gym art now [x] [x]]

obsetress: i was imagining like charcoals tbh, or jewel tones

obsetress: i could see them in like jewel tone purples or that jewel tone blue green color

obsetress: yeah viola jewel tones or blacks n charcoals

obsetress: becs pastels and camels but jewel tones at the gym

em: it’s about Matching

em: And Destroying Ur Ex (platonically)

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: viola's feeling particularly smug about it but then

obsetress: dani's in an old school tshirt and shorts and jamie's in............ one of dani's old school tshirts and shorts

em: YES

obsetress: not intentionally, she just grabbed whatever was there

obsetress: dani chirps "oh you two look so cute! baby look, they have a matched set"

obsetress: viola arches an eyebrow "and so do you, it seems" and dani laughs "not on purpose, jamie just grabbed whatever was on top in the drawer"

viola: you two... share... a wardrobe?

dani: yeah?

em: god cute

obsetress: cute n dumb

em: they can share nearly everything except pants

em: well. pants as a treat

em: haha pants

em: trousers

obsetress: also rly nice rly clean smooth funny juxtaposition in my brain of vibecca being the ones who intentionally match and damie the ones for whom it just accidentally happens

obsetress: hahahah pants

obsetress: they can share pants but................ should they

em: idk miss chapter 12 danis thighs jamies pyjamas

em: should they

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: that's exactly what i was referring to THANKS

obsetress: anyway

obsetress: rebecca just laughs

obsetress: viola huffs and bex is like "sorry, babe, but it is kind of funny"

em: dani jamie wearing like

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

em: poor viola

obsetress: thinking about dani's ass in those

em: yeah....

em: violas huffing until jamies exercise flush lasts a little Too Long

obsetress: big blush jamie taylor

em: she’s still like ‘oi dani close ur mouth’ but then she

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: just ogling each other

obsetress: (they briefly pause to ogle vi and rebecca passing a medicine ball back and forth as they do squats and have to acknowledge that, yeah, they've all done alright by themselves)

em: funny montage of the gang doing exercise while surreptitiously taking Peaks

obsetress: omg all i want

obsetress:sometimes having friends as a lesbian means they're all your exes except one, who's your gf, and you're all checking each other out always anyway

And That’s Beautiful

obsetress

obsetress: dani: checking out viola's biceps, rebecca's abs

viola: checking out dani's thighs n ass

rebecca: minding her business

jamie: scowling n scrawny

obsetress:(n also checking out dani's thighs n ass, viola's biceps, and begrudgingly peeking at rebecca's abs)

obsetress: every other woman at the gym: checking out jamie, trying to figure out the entire dynamic here

are they a polycule? what

em: jamie probably like

em: maybe she gets really into running bc she just checks out and listens to her audiobooks but like

em: slow twitch vs fast twitch fibers so stays scrawny

obsetress: i can see that

obsetress: just gets on the treadmill and zones tf out

em: jamie ‘why don’t i have biceps’ taylor vs jamie ‘no u gotta lift w ur hips’ taylor

obsetress: she hates it but her psych told her it'll be good for her routine so you know she was like yes ma'am every day ma'am

em: cant believe safe lifting procedures screwed her over

em: ‘yes ma’am every day ma’am’ ur just Going for it arent ya anshdjdh

obsetress: sorry but don't tell me you can't hear it

obsetress: jamie's the person who takes notes in therapy

obsetress: jamie, in the locker room after their workout: do my biceps look bigger?

dani, patiently, already knowing where this is going: bigger than what, baby?

jamie: than yesterday

dani: mm, rome wasn't built in a day, you know

jamie: do they look bigger at all?

dani: well

em: i mean not to perceive her too much but mattresses scene indicates AE/jamie like. at least some muscle in the leg area

em: poor jamie

em: not playing to her strengths

obsetress: yeah she does

obsetress: i mean ae has toned af arms

obsetress: she's just wiry

em: how could i forget the benchpressing dog gif

obsetress: dani's like "jamie, baby, come do squats with me and vi" "m'good" "baby, c'mon, you'll like it" "don't wanna do squats" "it could be good for you" "don't wanna do squats with you two"

em: dani: you gotta like. eat more

jamie: i eat plenty

dani: no u graze all day and then u don’t eat dinner

obsetress: dani: five biscuits spread out across a day doesn't count as eating more

em: dani: protein jamie it’s abt protein

obsetress: dani: you need more protein, which is why i think some lentils would really––

em: jamie thinks protein shakes are Nasty

obsetress: jamie does think protein shakes are nasty but dani will make her a smoothie and sneak it in like she's a child

obsetress: viola and rebecca, with their matching monogrammed blender bottles, just staring

obsetress: becca's like "jamie, just drink it, really, it's fine"

obsetress: viola just does this haughty sniff at her and that's what finally gets jamie to start

em: jamie can deal w being a brat but the idea of viola having Anything over her drives her Insane

em: Drives Her Fuckign Nuts

obsetress: she hates it

obsetress: just the absolute fuckin worst

em: do u think dani ever like

em: like they REALLY need to clear out storage but it’s a boiling frog situation where it’s increased so gradually that

em: like jamie thinks it’s Fine storage is Clear Enough

em: it’s Not

em: danis like. should we invite rebecca and vi over

em: just be Idea of A Snide Viola Comment fills jamie w a burning rage

obsetress: oh my god

obsetress: i'm obsessed with this

obsetress: i would read a whole oneshot about this

em: eventually dani comes clean abt it n jamie thinks it’s v funny bc yknow; open and honest communication is a v important part of their dynamic

em: jamie: next time just tell me my storage looks like shite dani or i will be grumbling abt viola for a Week

obsetress: inevitably

obsetress: when they do have to come over to clean

obsetress: dani offers them takeout and wine ("step up from pizza and beer at least," jamie grumbles) and viola's like "jesus, dani, let's just go out to dinner. my treat"

obsetress: at dinner, viola's like "if you want more storage, i have some wonderful properties––"

obsetress: rebecca's mouthing "sorry" from next to her across the table

em: every time they go out rebecca takes vi aside n is like ok sweetheart so you promise you’re not gonna try convince them to sell the apartment again

em: and violas like (mock horror) of course i won’t. ye of little faith

em: and every time

em: every time she does

em: she’s tryna HELP

obsetress: she would too she'd be like

obsetress: "i'm just trying to HELP"

obsetress: "they're our FRIENDS"

em: i’m on a mission to figure out like

em: this is way way down the line

em: but i wanna believe eventually viola and jamie start to, at the v least, Tolerate each other

em: jamie might even be fond of the crazy bird but she’ll NEVER admit it

obsetress: god like vi's on business or some shit in like

obsetress: the UAE

obsetress: negotiating some Deal

obsetress: and so dani and jamie get dinner with just bex and they're driving home after and having a perfectly mundane conversation and then jamie's just blurting like

obsetress: "i think i miss vi"

em: she’s HORRIFIED

em: she tries to play it off as like um

em: she’s Too Comfortable

em: things are Too Boring

em: which is weird knowing everything we know abt jamie

em: but actually she just... maybe misses viola

em: danis like god i wish i was recording this

obsetress: jamie's passed out next to her at home later (it's ten pm) and dani's chattering happily away on the phone with vi (drinking a martini in her dubai hotel room at one am since, y'know, no bars) in bed right next to her

obsetress: "jamie, uh, said she misses you. i know. no, i KNOW. don't tell her i told you. yeah, yeah, you win, vi, we know. uh-huh. uh-huh. i'm gonna pretend you didn't just ask me that"

em: CUTE

em: u can’t lord it over her vi it’s a little secret

em: vi's like when have i EVER

em: she does

obsetress: once they're good again, dani and vi absolutely just. lose time (there's a metaphor in there) talking to each other still

em: this is wholesome tbh

em: i really like the damie stories where like

em: look it’s nice when damie have each other but it’s also nice when they have their own friends and stuff

em: dunno how to articulate that well

em: it’s a balance! it’s a balance

obsetress: yeah! exactly

obsetress: because that's part of the love n possession thing too yk

obsetress: not to say either of them would ever be like "no friends for you" but

obsetress: wanting to have a life outside of your partner yk

obsetress: they're meeting vi and rebecca for dinner after vi gets back and vi's just grinning and sweeping jamie into a hug "i heard you missed me"

em: she gets jamie a souvenir t-shirt

em: it’s too big

em: OR

em: child’s t-shirt

obsetress: (jamie sleeps in it that night)

obsetress: oh childs might be better

obsetress: she's like "you're a little scrawny, so..."

em: jamie sleeps in it.... soft bitch

em: she feels too much

obsetress: jamie taylor softest bitch

obsetress: dani watches her pull it on and raises an eyebrow and jamie's just like "wot"

em: jamies like (grumbles) i knew she was comin back i’m just

em: shouldn’t you be HAPPY about this development dani

em: ‘s’a gift... s’rude not t’....’

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: dani just grins "mmhm"

em: it accidentally makes its way into jamies workout clothes pile

obsetress: oh my GOD oh my god

obsetress: viola's shit eating GRIN when jamie shows up at the gym in it

em: jamies like fok

em: mental maths tryna figure if she wants to just. work out in a sports bra

em: she Doesn’t

obsetress: she Doesn't!

obsetress: (she's shy)

em: god it’s one of those shirts that’s like

em: someone who loves me went to UAE and got me this t-shirt or something

obsetress: dani corners her in their empty row in the locker room "you could've just taken it off, you know" "dunno, not everyone needs to... see that, you know?" "i'd certainly like to see it" jamie rolls her eyes but she's grinning "you can see that any time" "well maybe i wanted to see it during my workout" "dani......."

em: jamies embarrassed bc of her gnarly farmers tan means her tummy is at least five shades lighter than the rest of her

em: crisp tan lines

obsetress: god jamie's farmers tan

em: once again i am bringing my tan lines jamie agenda

obsetress: dani loves jamies dumb farmers tan so much

obsetress: she giggles

obsetress: but it's the most loving giggle possible

em: and then when she gets into running...

em: god when i was rowing there were a couple ppl w like what i called a neapolitan icecream tan which is

em: gimme a second

obsetress: jamie gets all huffy when dani giggles at her tan but then dani's like "baby, no, i think it's cute" and jamie gives her a look and dani grins mischievously and ducks her head

obsetress: and then she's licking and kissing and nipping her way along jamie's dumb tan lines

em: there it is

obsetress: it was inevitable

em: so caught up in the joy of jamies dumb farmer tans i forgot abt her gnarly scar she keeps under wraps

em: baby

em: the most baby

obsetress: baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

em: jamie decides the only way to claim the stupid t-shirt as hers is to cut off the sleeves

em: it’s abt the ritual of the thing

obsetress: she shows up at the gym wearing it and

obsetress: that's viola's "oh no she's hot" moment

em: YEAH BABY

obsetress: literally just like

obsetress: world stops

obsetress: viola stares

em: jamie finally gets to do an exercise that shows off her sinewy manual labor grip forearms

em: viola’s probably just as horrified to find jamie hot as every time jamies like oh no

em: violas hot

em: and once again jamie CANNOT know she’s hot bc she will be insufferable

em: she will be the Worst

obsetress: viola's tugging rebecca aside "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "what?" viola waves a hand and rebecca just furrows her brow a little and is like "that's just... what she looks like, vi"

obsetress: viola corners dani next "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "i did" "oh. right" viola pauses, then "why didn't you make sure i was listening?" dani just gives her a look and walks away

obsetress: dflksdjfldaj god the way jamie and viola are. the same

obsetress: kind of incredibly, in the same ways dani and rebecca are the same

em: “hey baby, did viola seem different today? seemed off”

em: jamies like. is she mad at me. did i break another social taboo.

em: rebecca ‘jamie looks like jamie’ jessel vs dani ‘my gf is so hot i can’t stand it’ clayton

obsetress: "i tell you how hot she is at least three times a week, vi"

em: danis tryna goad her into making the damn shirt a crop top

em: jamies like yeah but isn’t that a step too far. i feel like i am destroying this shirt too much

em: she does it anyway

em: so jamies workout clothes are danis endless grey baggy school t-shirts and this one ugly souvenir shirt that like

em: psychological warfare and she doesn’t even know it

obsetress: i would........ like to see it

obsetress: also crop top jamie is one of my favorite jamies

obsetress: she is severely underrated

em: crop top jamie is

obsetress: and we do not talk about her enough

em: jamie wear More crop tops

obsetress: viola and rebecca in bed, in matching facemasks, after going to the gym post-epiphany that Jamie Is Hot

obsetress: viola: are dani and jamie hotter than us?

rebecca: what?

obsetress: and like

obsetress: viola is NOT insecure

obsetress: she is constantly confident that she's the most attractive woman in the room at any given moment, but

obsetress: she's just so staggered by this realization

em: some neutral third party (ms grose and mr sharma probably) are like well. u guys definitely have a little more of a scary thing going on

em: i’m imagining rebecca and viola at brunch w hannah and owen v seriously discussing this

em: viola brings it up and rebecca GROANS but then she gets invested in the convo

obsetress: GOD yeah

obsetress: she's leaning forward and gesturing with her fork "when you say 'scary'..........."

em: owens like scary is a compliment

em: hannah grose sips her tea knowingly

obsetress: rebecca just narrows her eyes at hannah grose and hannah raises her eyebrows and shrugs

em: after a week or so viola bursts into a room w stupid big sunglasses and a tray of take out coffees and she’s like Don’t You Worry Jamie I Have Concluded You’re Hot But I’m Not Threatened By It

em: jamies like sorry WHAT

em: you’ve been thinking about WHAT

em: viola leaves without ever following it up

obsetress: dani is entirely unfazed

obsetress: doesn't even blink

em: danis like neat she remembered the oat milk

em: everyone in this au is insane

obsetress: any lesbian in 2021 is insane

obsetress: par for the course

em: was gonna protest but

em: Yeah

obsetress: this lesbian meme account i follow on insta is doing “stop asking who’s the top and who’s the bottom. start asking...” posts

obsetress: and one of them is “start asking who’s baby and who’s fuck around and find out” and it just makes me chuckle

obsetress: jamie taylor baby

obsetress: viola lloyd also baby

em: dani is baby passing and jamie is fuck around faking

obsetress: oh my god that’s why that’s why i think we cracked it

obsetress: dani (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: rebecca (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: the reason they could never cross further even tho per the transitive property dani (so similar to vi) should be able to date beccs and jamie (so similar to beccs) should be able to date vi is because

obsetress: you can’t have two babies and two fuck arounds in a relationship together

em: oh of course. i see. i see

em: however in the rare rare crack ship of the ‘jamie viola hatefuck’ a similar phenomenon to ‘social anxiety mum friend ordering food’ instinct takes over and someone fucks around and finds out

em: this is just my unhinged jamie viola hatefuck bulkshit which is. it’s ironic ok it’s ironic it’s ironic it’s

em: ok one last thought bc i know it’s super late for u but

obsetress: omg i also have a last thought let’s trade

em: what if mikey is about isabels age n jamie ends up looking after him for one reason or another for a bit

em: and viola absolutely Dotes on him

obsetress: omg

obsetress: that’s what does it. jamie seeing viola w mikey

em: grumble grumble i guess she’s not that bad

em: except then she’s like god what if mikey likes her MORE than me

obsetress: “dani what if mikey gets one of those weird first crushes on vi”

obsetress: dani doesn’t even look up from the laundry “who hasn’t had a crush on vi”

obsetress: jamie’s like “mE” and dani just gives her the most withering look

em: danis like It’s Par For The Course Jamie

em: danis a teacher she’s like it happens don’t sweat it

em: anyway

em: what was. what was ur last little thought

obsetress: i was just thinking more about viola also baby and how also she’s been so privileged her whole life that sometimes there are just some things she can’t do for herself because she just doesn’t know how

obsetress: like she’s never had to learn

em: rebecca gets um

em: freeze dried coffee

em: nescafé

obsetress: but like

obsetress: rebecca genuinely loves taking care of vi for whatever reason (it’s because she loves her) when she really needs it but

obsetress: rebecca also takes no shit and is like “i’m not making the nescafé for you. you’re 36 years old, vi, you need to learn to do it for yourself”

obsetress: and she’ll stand there and watch her do it and then she makes vi do it at least three more times for posterity

obsetress: “i’ll make a plebeian of you yet, viola lloyd”

obsetress: (god only the two of them would think a line like that is funny)

#this one's fucken LONG!!!!!!!!#the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au

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mychemicalaromanticism · 4 years ago

Text

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

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therubyjailcell · 4 years ago

Note

Hey, hope you’re having a good day! I wanted to ask if you have any tips for questioning aro/ace-spec ? What helped with figuring it out and stuff ?

hey, i hope you’re having a good day too! and, well, idk how much i can help, but i’ll try my best!

(okay, so, i wrote a whole lot of things, so i’m gonna make a quick summary beforehand)

TL;DR - i realized i was ace p easily, and idk if i can help much, i just kinda realized that non ace peeps had sexual attraction and i never felt that, and that was it. i had to deal however w a lot of internalized phobia for the arospec part, so that might be a more in depth topic? i just ended up having to face the fact that i wasn’t alloromantic and that i not only needed to know people very well before developping feelings, but also that it was rarely romantic crushes that i got, and the discovery of other types of attraction was very helpful.

(more detailed under the cut, TW trauma mention, internalized phobia mention)

huuuh, i realized i was ace p easily, through instagram actually? i didn’t know much about lgbtq+ stuffs, and when i made my insta account, i looked into asexuality first, bc my ex at the time was using the label, and i was curious about what it meant and all that, and then, when i read, i was like “wait, hold up, you’re telling me. that some people. are sexually attracted to other people??? that’s a thing???” and then i just kinda rolled w it and decided that since i didn’t feel any sexual attraction, that must’ve meant i was ace. it wasn’t much of a questioning? it just made sense to me at the time, still does now.

it also probably helped that i didn’t face acephobia at all when i decided on the label? like, where i looked, there wasn’t anyone being an asshole and all that, i looked into inclusionist stuffs, and it actually helped tons, because people said it was okay, and it helped me accept it easily and not get into a whole lot of “oh god, i’m bad” or whatever. i just kinda realized that i was supposed to know what a certain type of attraction was and that all i knew was that i had nothing that fit these criterias, and that’s it!

as for the arospec part, this one’s a bit more complicated to me ig? bc i had quite the internalized arophobia on some stuffs. like, i never thought it was bad for others to be aro, i just went “not me tho” a lot. which isn’t good, but that’s bc i was raised w the idea that romance was the final line and all that, and because i was still processing through a trauma that was on the whole romance and wedding subject. so, yeah, it took me a while to get there? but eventually, i realized that no, not everyone needed to know the people before getting feelings for them.

also, i also discovered all the different attractions that may exist (platonic, queerplatonic, alterous) and i went “wait hold up, you’re telling me that the feelings. when i’m kinda attracted to someone but i don’t really wanna date them or anything, i just. wanna have them around. could be platonic, queerplatonic or alterous? you’re telling me i got all these options???” and it explained so much suddenly! bc a lot of my exes, i liked them a lot, but not in a romantic way, but i didn’t have a word to explain that it wasn’t friendship either, and now i had the word, and it fit. so that helped figuring it out. it also helped to know i had other options than romance, and coming to term with the idea that romance isn’t necessarily the only option, nor the “better option”, and that you can absolutely be happy with other stuffs.

also! it helped that, at the time, i started planning my future again, with my childhood best friend, and that’s when we started to think about getting a little café where we’d also sell and play tabletop games and stuffs. and it sounded really nice, and not at all like i was missing out on anything? yeah.

all in all, keep in mind that i am arospec and that i experience some romantic attraction, it’s just rare? so i can’t speak for people who don’t feel any romantic attraction. and sadly, i’m still working on the internalized phobia, bc sometimes the amatonormativity catches up to me, and that’s annoying, and ngl, i don’t have a lot of ways to help deal w that? also! idk how much i could help if you’re non-SAM (non Split Attraction Model), bc i do experience different attractions, so yeah

if you got any more specific questions (i’m sorry, i ramble a lot, and idk if i even answered any of your questions, i’m so sorry), i’m here! and yknow, feel free to pm me if you feel comfier like that, or keep sending asks - anything is good! idk how much help i can be but!!! you go!!! finding the labels that fit can take a while, and you’re valid for questioning your identity, and i hope you’ll be safe no matter what

#ace #aro #me #v talks too much #trauma mention tw #anon #asks #internalized aphobia tw #arospec #acespec

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not-a-space-alien · 5 years ago

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hey its me again wall of text sorry not sorry

k i saw your little treatise justifying zadr and yknow its a cartoon its not the worst thing ever of course nobody is gonna sue you for reblogging fanart or burn you at the stake or w/e and im glad you decided to open yourself up to a differing opinion but zim IS portrayed as an adult. there was even an unfinished episode where zim’s childhood and growing up training from start to finish would be shown so by the time of the pilot he is definitely a full grown developed adult by irken standards especially if hes a former member of an elite military force like the invaders. jhonen has said that the irony and sad comedy of zims character is that hes a grown ass man and a war veteran to boot who VOLUNTARILY goes to an elementary school every day and throws hands with an 11 year old boy who should be well below his notice because he’s that pathetic and desperate for validation that he’ll stoop to seeking it from a child. it also sets up a dynamic between them where dib is CHALLENGED by having to go up against an adult with way more experience than him while dib is just a child, so when he wins its more meaningful, which is a common trope in childrens fiction that an underdog young hero has to take down a powerful adult villain.

jhonen might joke a lot but he’s serious about this part of the characterization of zim and dib and he even went to great lengths to make dib look and act more like a kid in ETF (more emotional and naive, designed to look smaller/softer, going in depth with his relationship to his dad and sister and needing his dad to protect him at the end when he’s too overrun to fight alone) just to drive home the point of how young he is. it was a very deliberate move and jhonen knows what hes doing ESPECIALLY since he also left zim pretty much unchanged and also includes gags about zim’s relative maturity like animating him briefly grimacing because his joints are sore and the part where he pretty much gestures to his crotch and goes “theyre afraid to look at ALL-A THIS”. like you would not see jhonen do that sort of joke with an underage character ok. dont confuse his social awkwardness and self deprecating/trolling humor for not knowing the difference between right and wrong and not acknowledge when he means something sincerely because he doesn’t just clown on people and troll ALL THE TIME 24/7 hes a human, and times have changed with more awareness on issues such as the grooming of minors so he can go back on things he may have said in the past that he doesn’t agree with now or said by mistake. he has said enough times that zim is older than any human alive that its safe to take his word for it by now. judging by the one strip he did in JTHM about johnny murdering a pedophile who was about to prey on squee i think his stance on protecting kids is pretty clear. also i wouldnt put it past jhonen to have redesigned membrane to be more chaddy looking to divert the adult fandom’s attention away from dib and throw the fangirls a bone but thats a whole nother can of worms lol.

and the justification that zim is immature so hes essentially on dib’s level is a reversal of something lots of kids hear from either creepy or ignorant adults who tell them theyre “so mature for their age”. no matter how emotionally mature you are it wont ever compensate for the number of years youve been alive so that’s not very sound logic, and even in fic where theyre both adults it’s still pretty weird because it doesn’t erase their history where zim knew dib as a kid. that’s sort of like a grownup waiting with bated breath until a kid is “legal” so they can start dating. kinda like when jacob imprints on bella’s newborn daughter in twilight then having it handwaved away by saying he’ll wait till she’s grown up, which understandably drew a huge amount of criticism. it’s a loophole that might be mildly acceptable in some cases but the context leaves it colored with a residual ickiness that sets off some red flags for me and a lot of other people.

also you said zim is an alien and therefore the situation itself is unrealistic, but the reason invader zim’s writing resonates with people is because zim is written with very HUMAN emotions and motivations and part of the humor again is how irkens despite being aliens from another planet mirror some of humanity’s worst flaws such as being petty, gluttonous, willfully ignorant, arrogantly believing they are special and better than everyone else, easily manipulated by propaganda, all too eager to greedily colonize other societies etc making them not so different from us at all. so the premise out of context might not seem realistic but the idea of a sad burnout adult who doesn’t realize how humiliating it is to be consistently outsmarted by a kid less than half their age IS realistic and applicable to human interaction since we’ve likely all met someone like this before at one point in our lives for example a schoolteacher who has a personal vendetta against one or more of their students and has nothing better to do than antagonize them, or a really dumb parent that you fight with a lot.

another thing, i know you and other fans probably have a lot of sentimental value and nostalgia attached to zadr because you probably shipped it back when you were a kid yourself and you cant be blamed for something you liked as a kid, but youre an adult now, and you have to listen to the portion of kids in the fandom who dont like zadr and say without question that the age gap makes them uncomfortable. those kids ARE the priority. we’re grown up now and we have to put our feelings aside for them because that’s part of being responsible and mature. i feel like zim himself is a pretty good example of how not to act at our age [shrug emoji]

and anyway a lot of the same elements of zadr can be explored with zadf just as well with just as much potential for cute moments and as a bonus is it’s not creepy

You do bring up some good points, and I’m not saying you’re wrong... But honestly I’m still not convinced. I mean, stuff that Jhonen said, the thing is even if it’s the author saying it it’s still outside of canon, that’s the reason why Neil Gaiman got flack for Good Omens because they didn’t write an actual kiss or hug or hand-hold between Aziraphale and Crowley yet Neil Gaiman went on Twitter saying they were queer representation. I still don’t really put much stock into what he says because the unfinished episodes and Jhonen’s commentary don’t really change the dynamic that’s actually in the show. And again...Jhonen said if there were going to be romance in the show it would be Zim/Gaz, so he’s either a huge hypocrite or doesn’t view Zim as being incompatible with Gaz.

I do think it’s much better when Dib is an adult and it just makes more sense, and I actually do prefer zadf to zadr and if i were going to ever write fanfiction or make fanart it would probably just be zadf, just because i know this does have some stuff to think about and I totally respect that you have a different view of it, but i honestly just don’t see it that way. The analogy with Jacob imprinting on Bella’s child in Twilight isn’t really the same thing honestly. The author in that situation tried to make it not......that....by saying that imprinting isn’t always a romantic relationship thing, and that Jacob would be more of an older brother, but honestly that doesn’t really negate the impact of grooming that kid would have with Jacob around. The idea that Zim would somehow be grooming Dib seems really silly to me although you’re right, I think his characterization in Into the Florpus has evolved somewhat especially with regard to Dib wanting to get his father’s approval, but again Zim has parallels with that in trying to please the Tallest. the world-building and characterizations are inconsistent and scattershot at best. Like no, zim isn’t waiting for him to turn legal, that’s absurd, they’re nemeses coming at each other then learning to be friends. You’re right that that doesn’t have to be zadr but I still tag it as zadr so people can block it if they want to.

Like, I’ve seen people ship Zim with Professor Membrane instead of Dib. That seems very weird to me. that professor membrane would have a relationship with someone who literally goes to his son’s elementary school and who doesn’t know anything at all about human behavior and emotions.

I feel like with this discussion people don’t really understand the problem with age gaps. With age gaps, it’s not a matter of mature/immature, it’s about development. A ten year age gap sounds like a lot right? a 25-year-old and a 15-year old would absolutely have a predatory “relationship.” But a 35- and a 45-year old, that’s perfectly fine. Having a difference in age doesn’t automatically make the relationship unhealthy. so if Dib is 25 and Zim is [whatever the hell aliens years i still don’t really take Jhonen’s word for it bc he’s not consistent], that’s doesn’t mean it has to be bad. The thing about telling minors they’re “so mature for their age” to try and convince them that a person interested in them isn’t a pedophile is that we know a human being who is 15 isn’t developmentally at the same level as a 25-year-old regardless of their behavior. What is Zim? All we have to go on is how he acts, and he acts like Dib is an equal match, it’s not “he’s immature for his age,” it’s very unclear. Raw number of years isn’t the ultimate decider, for example in DnD lore elves reach maturity at, like, 100 years old so a 25-yo human trying to get with a 50-year-old elf would be predatory to the young elf even though the “younger” one is technically twice as old as the human. Do you see what I’m saying?

I also don’t really buy the idea that Invader Zim’s writing resonates with people because Zim is ~~so human~~. The guy steals a bunch of kid’s organs in one episode and flies into a tantrum over the slightest inconvenience. You have to be reading really deeply into it and dig into some old internet archives of things Jhonen Vasquez has said to paint it as realistic. You can do some interesting things with it wrt like, Zim being defective and starting to experience human emotions but that’s mostly fanon.

Well, you’ve given me some things to think about, thanks for explaining your side to me. I’m still going to tag things as #zadr so people can block if it can’t plausibly be categorized as zadf. I’m not actually making any fan content for Invader Zim so the point is kind of moot, but if I ever do I’ll definitely take this into consideration.

#invader zim #zadr #submission

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otterplusharchive · 5 years ago

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Rey you're a good-hearted person, w good intentions, and you've done so much good for so many people. Even if you hurt somebody down the road you can always learn from your mistakes and apologize etc... nobody's perfect! And I don't think you're really capable of like, unintentionally hurting somebody too badly anyhow, you always try to practice kindness and empathy in everything you do, you're not malicious or anything. I hope you can get through this ok

i love you.. im sorry that im replying to this late i wasnt in a good place to talk last night but i read this then and it helped me to calm down and ground myself and i really appreciate u sending me this..

honestly i think i spiraled bc my parents have been increasingly harsh on me and manipulative towards me so i was like second guessing myself and my reality because of their guiltripping gaslighting stuff.

and in the end im an adult and if i were to harm someone i would want to know and to be able to acknowledge it anf take full responsibility for it as well as actively changing my behavior so i dont repeat that mistake in the future yknow..

were all capable of hurting one another and that can be an incredibly scary thing to think about, but in the end i think that were capable of more love than we are harm and we have the power to do better and to grow and to be responsible for ourselves and our actions and to be listening to each other and cultivating an environment where u dont feel scared to speak up when youre being hurt...

bc everyone deserves support and deserves to be listened to when theyre being hurt and deserves people in our lives who will listen to us and actually change their behavior when we say something theyre doing is harming us..

anyway!!! sorry i rambled here but i really do appreciate your kindness and i promise im safe and doing much better!!! i really hope tyat today has been kind to you so far and that youre doing ok!!!

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cheemken · 1 year ago

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More villain au stuff tho sorry cause I've been thinking™

Like,, what if the Unova kids did get through Dia for some fucking reason

No no, just hear me out, a lil what if scenario yknow hahaha

Like the Great Dragon is there staring down at Dia, Gira, and Yveltal, and like this was probs the first time that Iris, and even the rest of the Champions, ever saw Diantha lose her composure. Bc she didn't predict Zekrom to still be active, that her own pkmn could be taken down, that for once she was the one being cornered, and that kinda messed her up. Like imagine being the most dangerous Champion bc you're always ten steps ahead of everyone, and suddenly you miscalculated a risk now you're lagging behind, shackled as you couldn't take another step, like being trapped in chess, that no matter where you move your king, a rook, a bishop, and a queen would be right around the corner waiting to kill it.

And just chmdndn Dia being so vulnerable at that moment, her mind is running like crazy, thinking of a way to turn the tides still, but shit man everything's so hazy for her, she's still reeling over the fact that the kids bested her, that they still had one more trump card up their sleeves, and she fucking hated it

But like,, yknow, imagine if the kids did try getting through her, to find out just what drove her into doing all this, or at least let her get a taste of her own medicine. Hilbert was still pissed at her yknow, Diantha did some pretty horrible things, and he wants her to feel that pain too, imagine him just going "how would you feel if we kill someone close to you?! It'd feel like shit wouldn't it?!"

And Dia's there laughing like crazy, it's so fucking surreal seeing her like that, and she goes "my brother is safe. My League is safe. I made sure nothing will happen to them." But damn tho imagine if that really got through to her and got her paranoid abt it

Cheren noticing that and he's there stepping up standing next to Hilbert, all "and how are you sure of that? You're not in Kalos with them."

Dia laughs at that, finally catching her breath, she brings a hand to her head, sweeping her hair back a bit, wiping along blood and tears and sweat, she then looks at them, her posture finally upright again, "you're honestly playing this game with me? I have my informants back at Kalos that report back to me, the same way I have them here in Unova."

And ofc, that kinda set them off cause holy shit WHAT, then again no wonder they knew abt Iris' battle w Hilbert. But also damn Diantha's determination was also smth else, that despite being caught off guard, she got herself back up to her feet, and they know better than to just be confident that they can easily win, they may have the Original Dragon now, but they know that what Diantha lacked w great offence she makes up for her strategies, and they'd rather not test that, especially w how desperate she is now

#just noticed my concepts arent that consistent ncmsnd hahah #sorry but like theres just a lot of concepts in my mind too and like yeah just wanna let then out even tho theyre not like #consistent ig that they change every now and then hahah #ah but hey then again ig thats it they are just concepts hahah #villain champions au

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kyulkyungs · 7 years ago

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enemies-to-lovers!renjun

Request: can i please request an enemies-to-lovers story of nct’s renjun? he doesn’t have much aus :(( thank you!!! 💕💗💞💘💓💓(YES I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS!!!!! YOU ARE THE ONE I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR ILYYYYY, but seriously he gets no love and i’m prepared to give him the entire universe)

others: lucas | yuta | jisung | hendery

this guy is your neighbor, you’ve known him for a couple years but have not actually known him???? you feel me???

like, the two of you are familiar faces to each other and you know his name and his family

but you’ve never really interacted beyond that

one thing is is that you don’t want to

because he always has his friends over and they’re so loud and you’re trying to s t u d y and w o r k and w a t c h y o u t u b e

or he’ll be helping his mom garden and stuff but like he’s so messy?

he throws the dirt into your yard somehow and you have to go and scoop it back to where it belongs

you’re sure at this point he’s messing with you because when you shut your blinds or messily throw the dirt back over

his friends either get louder and louder or you’ll even find some pebbles and plant bits on the path or smushed against something

but the biggest thing of all?

there’s a park nearby the neighborhood that you like to go to and a swing set that you love and it’s your favorite thing

however, there’s only one swing...

and he always takes it

the thing is you think he’s purposely and knowingly taking your favorite spot ever

sometimes you think he’s laughing when you see that he’s taken the swing

and it’s not just because that thing is super fun and it’s always in the shade and just the right height no matter how tall you are

unless you’re like an 87 foot man aka johnny

but you love that thing to bits and not only has this kid taken up your time cleaning up your own house after him, having to relocate multiple times in your house to avoid being in a room that’s closer to his, and having to turn your heel and walk like two blocks once you realize the swing has been taken over

not only that but sometimes he even brings his friends there and there’s no way you can get through like 200 guys all sitting in the shade and hogging the tree swing and area near it

the nerve of him he didn’t even realize that he was there for like four hours because when you came back he was still. there.

the one time you had asked him if he could free up the swing he looked at you like you asked him to launch himself into space and never come back

which is kind of what you wanted him to do when he just looked away and said sorry no can do go somewhere else

so you did and walked home and sulked on your bed because dang you just want to swing man it’s not that hard but like....... you love that thing

it’s so closely attached to your childhood and the shade feels nice and the wind in your hair where you get higher up from the ground......... nothing can beat that

except for this guy u G H

one day he had his friends over again

and normally you’d just wait it out until that storm blows over

but not this time when apparently all of his friends were over for a slumber party and probably celebrating something

and with that celebration they were oh so loud from like 5pm to whatever it was in the forbidden hours of the morning where no sounds should be disturbing your precious sleep

but there you were holding a pillow over your head and using your blankets as the ultimate cocoon around you to try to block out whatever sound possible

but it seemed that everything you did was useless and they got even louder somehow when you covered yourself

you have half a mind to call the cops and stuff but you’re just like nope nope i’ll just go swing my worries away

you know for sure that it’s a safe neighborhood after living there for a long time and plus it’s super late who would be around?

so you go in your pajamas and bring a coat with you just in case and the second you step out of the house you can hear the boys at a greater volume than before

they all sound so joyful and are laughing a lot and you’d be fine with it any other time............ but they’ve messed so badly with your sleep and you’re up to here with it all

you’re about to turn and head for the park until you hear the loud noises of the house get louder and someone inside go

‘hey, let’s go to the park! we can run around more there so my parents don’t get mad’

and you’re like noooo oh no these guys are NOT gonna go there

so you march up to his door and when it swings open you see your neighbor with a bunch of his friends behind him

and renjun looks at you and freezes because oh my he was not expecting you right there at his door his neighbor that he doesn’t even know the name of

but also????

you look kind of................ cute.........

with your messy hair and grouchy face and kinda pouty lip and oh gosh those pajamas are...........

and you realize what he’s looking at and you’re like

aSDGKNFG LEAVE MY FLUFFY DUCK PAJAMAS ALONE THEY’RE COMFY OKAY

but renjun snaps back into the world and is awkwardly like

ohhh sorry.... are we being too loud?? we’re going to the park-

and you cut him off like no bucko, i’m going to the park

and he’s kind of confused like uh???? what???

‘‘i’m going to the park’

and he’s confused like

‘we can go together????’

and you start making a bunch of frustrated noises trying to bring coherent thoughts together at like 3am and he doesn’t get it until you start swinging your arms around like

oh............

so he cheekily smiles and turns to his friends and is like yknow what how about you stay in, i’ll try to see what’s wrong with my neighbor

and some of them give him a l o o k and others are just fiiine i guess we’ll play another round of mario party 8

and when he shuts the door behind him you hear the chatter of his friends fade away deeper into the house

then your neighbor turns towards you and is like

‘i’ll race you to the swings’

which prompts you to go nonononono i am not giving those up

so you give in to his game and you start sprinting and you can hear his footsteps behind you

little do you know that renjun probably has the full ability to outrun you but he’s purposely pulling back and letting you win this race

when you two near the swingset you make a dive for it and land right on top of it while renjun puts on his biggest ‘awww i lost’ face

but the smile makes it so that you know he really wasn’t that upset about it

‘here since i lost, i’ll push you’ he says and before you can object he’s already behind you and starts gently pushing you while you’re still trying to catch your breath

once you’re stopped heaving he asks ‘why do you like this thing so much anyways? you’re always on it and get kinda upset when you’re not’

you huff and not answer him

he doesn’t mind and just keeps pushing you

‘you give me a lot of trouble, you know that?’ he says after a little while and you swing your legs so that the momentum knocks you into him slightly

but he catches you and pushes again, taking a step back so he doesn’t get knocked completely over

‘trouble? me? you’re the one giving me trouble most of the time’ and you can practically feel the confusion radiating off your neighbor in waves

‘what do you mean?’

you bite your tongue and try not to rant to this guy, because hey at least he seems like a decent person and he’s not being a total jerk to you right now

plus he let you have the swing

begrudgingly you end up spilling some of those pent up feelings you’ve had about his shenanigans and you’re like

‘well first off this swing is wonderful. i’ve grown up with it and it’s never failed to always support me and help me with my problems’

‘ah like a comfort food?’ you nod and then continue

‘second... you’re so messy helping your mom garden i have to clean up so much after you in my own yard’

renjun apologizes but you miss the cheeky grin that comes along with it

i admit that i am a messy gardener, although i’m the one that brought my mom some ripe strawberries’

you gave him a light, joking scoff and clapped your hands twice as a way of saying ‘good job, you did something!’

he pushes you a little harder as a joke, startling you yet it came back to bite him as you fell back into him square in the chest, making him emit an ‘oof’ sound

‘your friends are loud too’ you say after he starts pushing you again

‘yeah, sorry. that’s mainly my fault for inviting them over so much... thanks for not calling the cops on us a bunch of times though’

and make a sarcastic mhm sound and he snickers, gripping the back of your shirt and dragging you backwards

you yelp at the sudden tugging and how far he’s able to get you above the ground and the sudden hard push he delivers

‘you know swinging isn’t supposed to make me feel stressed out!’ you yell out, feeling him continue to push you higher and higher you try to drag your feet into the ground to stop him but he tries regardless

‘well, this is how you’re making me feel!’

‘stRESSED? bUddY If anYthiNg-’

‘no! like i’m soaring!’ you let his words sink in for a second and then when you ask him what he means he continues his yelling out

‘i actually think you’re really cute! sometimes i’d throw dirt over on purpose to get you to come out but you always do when i go inside! other than that i’m legitimately messy.......’

you snort at his quieter statement

‘and i always have my friends over in hopes that you’d come over to tell us to quiet down and i could smoothly invite you to hang out with us, like in the shows!’

you can feel the cold wind much better on your cheeks than before, the speed of the swing stayed the same

your cheeks were just beginning to grow red

‘or my friends could dare me to go over to your house and talk with you but they never once mentioned you!’ you turned your head and saw him pouting and throwing his arms around

he honestly looked super adorable doing that

when he saw you looking at him he stopped the swing and held you in place, speaking into your ear softly now

‘and i kept stealing the swing because i knew you were always there and i hoped you’d come over to talk to me’

you felt red by how close he was to you, with his hands nearly touching yours on the swing

‘yeah i hoped you swung so hard you flew into space to be honest’ you managed to get out, but you squeaked and he chuckled once seeing how flustered you actually were because of him

‘sorry, that’s completely on me’

he moved away and stood in front of you this time, then crouching down and looking up at you while you tried to get your blush down

‘this hasn’t gone the way it does in dramas and movies........’ he admits plainly and honestly

this makes you throw your head back and start cackling because this guy has been acting so weird and has been bugging you because he was interested in you... but he was following romcoms

he smiles up at you in reply, no shame taking over his features

‘if you’re willing to forgive me for playing the really dumb and annoying next-door-neighbor role can i just play the regular-boy-next-door one like i should?’ you manage to calm down and sigh, deciding to let your grudge over the swing go for this cutie

when you nod, his smile turns into an ecstatic grin and he hops up

‘okay! cool! i’m renjun and i’m your neighbor and i think you’re really cute! can i be the one to push you on the swing from now on?’

#elli writes #renjun #nct #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct dream scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #enemies to lovers au #neutral pronouns #fluff

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

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swyllh · 7 years ago

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[un]expecting

an: oh. oh my. before i start anything i just want to say that i have never been pregnant and i don’t think i will be in the near, foreseeable future? so some of the stuff that i talk about will probably be uh dubious, to say the least ;; @sayurifushigi

(more under the cut because it’s so. so. long)

alright so, a few assumptions

(a) you and hosh have been serious for a while

i can’t see him not being dedicated for at least a period of time tbh

(b) you’re not an idol, or at least under intense public scrutiny, which also means that your relationship has been pretty private so far

you’d both had the talk about not wanting to get married/settle down so soon

but you guys were still practising safe sex because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ why not

ok so heres SCIENCE FACT: condoms are not 100% effective.

and you had to find out the hard way

CUE MORNING SICKNESS AND UNFORTUNATE CRAVINGS

idk but when my mom had me she craved seafood and chocolate a lot

now she’s allergic to seafood

but anyway!! you don’t really believe it until it’s been a few weeks, and you just feel really easily tired and sick and it doesn’t help that hosh is also going through a great deal of stress

you try to be supportive! and motivating!

but it takes a toll on you - you have your own work too, and all that throwing up isn’t making you feel better

he’s also locked up in his studio all day, and you know how when he gets serious about work, he can end up just ignoring everything - until your texts dwindle into tentative, hesitant questions urging him to eat

and even that can get on his nerves - we all have bad days

so this one night he gets the chance to rest, and you decide to have dinner together!

(oh boy)

and you’re just trying to keep it together despite feeling like you just want to crash into the table in front of you

when the first. course. comes. up.

things are a bit tense between the both of you (you’d exchanged passive aggressive texts and. yeaaaah.)

but once you catch a whiff of fish. oh boyyyy. fishy.

you try to hold it in, gripping onto your chair, trying not to ruin the first good date in a very, very long time.

hosh just looks at you weirdly, and when it’s clear that you’re not eating anything, he gives an exasperated sigh, and tells you to stop being dramatic.

but it doesn’t help - you just feel sick, and nauseated

in the end you can’t help it, so you run out of the restaurant. hosh doesn’t come after you; he’s still an idol, and your relationship is still a secret, meaning that if he chased after you it’d be in the news

is what you rationalise. but when you’re on the sidewalk, blanching and feeling faint, you can’t help but cry

he texts you after to ask if you’re okay. you ignore it and call your friend instead.

when your friend is done listening to your sobs and rant, she suggests that you get a pregnancy kit.

“sara, babe, i love you and all, but that’s not what i want to hear.” “uhh, he’s a jerk, you deserve better, and i really think you should get a pregnancy kit?” “... slightly better.”

so you do.

the first test comes out positive. you spend a week’s worth of grocery money on a few more. they all turn out positive.

.........but it’s not such a positive thing for you. you’re still climbing up your career ladder, hosh is in no way ready for a family. things are. not looking good.

you tell yourself that you have to tell hosh about this, but somehow things just. snowball.

“i have something to tell you. can we meet?” “sorry, [y/n], you know i’m busy these few days.” “it’s really important...”

he leaves you on read.

you end up frustrated, and in a fit of anger, you start questioning your relationship - “are you so busy that you don’t even have time to answer me?”, “why are you so cold when i need you?”, “do you even love me?”

it... does not go well.

“look, maybe we’re just not ready for this.” is what you text. the implications on your side are much, much heavier than what he thinks you’re saying.

that night, you’re pretty sure you drove the price of ben and jerry’s up because of your stress-eating.

ok so. once you’ve calmed down, somewhat, you start to fully consider the gravity of your situation: (a) your relationship with hosh, (b) your pregnancy.

you know that with (a), it doesn’t seem hopeful. the fact that he’s an idol, that he’s placed under such pressure - public and professional - means that your relationship is already pretty strained.

and with the complication of (b), you’re sure his career is going to go down the drain.

you don’t even know if you are capable of caring for another life - how are you going to raise a child if you have to work at regular 9 to 5 hours? where are you going to get the money? are you even mature enough to care for a living human being?

and don’t forget the stigma of unwed, single mothers. you might even lose your job.

abortion is currently illegal in south korea, and regardless of your views on it, you’re sure that it will be irresponsible to just give birth to a child without having any plans for its care.

(wow this got serious) (but it is a serious thing)

right now you’re just really, really vexed and helpless. you decide to break it off with hosh, because, for some reason, you think that this is just another complication that you don’t want to drag him into.

((also you don’t want to end up tying him down in a relationship that he potentially doesn’t feel anything for anyway))

all contact gets cut off. you resume your work, trying not to keep track of his promotions and stuff.

ON HIS SIDE, however. i’m pretty sure that while hosh can get really, really demanding and hotheaded, he’s also one to reflect when he cools down

with the whole media blackout, he hasn’t gotten a single message from you, much less a call. it’s worrying him, and he’s not sure whether to give you ‘space’, or if this is the end of your relationship

but it’s a serious, long-term relationship and not some fling, and he misses your stupid texts with those weird emojis

so he tries calling you.

and then your friend.

and because your friend is kind of tactless and maybe sensible, she tells him that you’re pregnant and that he needs to step up his boyfriend game because wtf dude you’re in a commitment you sure as heck commit.

i think hosh would be... shocked. he wouldn’t be like ecstatic (ok tbh he might, uh) but he definitely knows that he’s done some grievous wrong and he needs to right it.

i don’t think he would have a plan? tbh i wouldn’t either - so he just turns up at your door with flowers and chocolates and his best ‘cute face’.

you almost don’t let him in, at least, not until he threatens to serenade you in front of your apartment door.

(which is kind of. sweet? that he’d risk this being blown up in the media)

so you let him in. and you talk. properly.

whatever decision you make, i believe that it’s your combined decision. but one thing that probably is agreed on is going public with your relationship.

he loves you a lot, despite his rashness and work schedules, and. it’s just one of those times when he comes so close to losing you that he realises, oh. i’ve always imagined a future with you.

i know that practically speaking, it would be pretty obvious that you got pregnant before getting married (assuming you don’t get an abortion) to the press, and that’s definitely going to smear hosh’s reputation

and honestly i don’t know how conservative korean society is - which i why, i’m also offering an alternative scenario:

alternative: he doesn’t find out about this well until after a few years after your break up.

if you decide to go with the abortion - because honestly, you can’t guarantee a proper growing environment for a child right now - i think you’d tell him about it personally; maybe when things have cooled down and his career is more or less secured, then you’d tell him. personally, by that time i think it would be hard to go back to what you both had. but if you’re both still keen i think you’d have to start over properly this time and actually communicate about what your shared future might entail

if you don’t go ahead with the abortion, you’ll likely have to move out of town or even out of the country because (a) with a child, you’ll have to consider downgrading to a smaller apartment or even finding a new job due to the stigma and costs of living, and (b) you reaaaally don’t want to let hosh know in the short run. but things would get around, whether it’s because of his own curiosity or just. fate? again, when you meet up, it’d be awkward, but i think he would be charmed by the child (have u seen svt w babies) and he’d want to try and share the burden of raising a child? it’s just gonna be very domestic, and i think he’d want to make it up to you.

ok wow this got really long and serious i’m sorry!! but tbh i just think that if a relationship is built in such a way that you can’t really communicate things properly with each other, especially with regards to serious things like pregnancy. it’s not going to. just fix itself, yknow? love/passion is great and all, but it takes more than just that to keep a relationship going.

#seventeen #svt scenarios #svt imagines #pregnancy #hoshi #soonyoung #bulletpoint #im really really really sorry #this got more serious than we were expecting #request #hoshi scenarios #soonyoung scenarios

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