#i feel like i’ve been on a progressively worse backslide for seven years now and i don’t want it to get worse
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i wish i could be comfortable living here (once again you don’t have to expand all of that)
#there are about five billion reasons to not be comfortable going out#aside from the obvious ones i don’t trust my coworkers all that much. the few times we’ve gone out i haven’t liked the experience#not in an im not like other girls way truly i just am Not enjoying myself here#and like. my job. is fine. living with family. is fine#but it like. i want to live a life that is more than just Fine#but! i cannot imagine what that looks like for me and i’m afraid to make a change i don’t believe in#because i’ve tried to make so many changes that ended up being wrong#idk i’m like. sad!#jaerambles#sigh. if i am in the same place life progression wise this time next year i’ll be disappointed#happy to be alive etc. but disappointed. what does joy look like for me… what do i even like to Do anymore….#i feel like i’ve been on a progressively worse backslide for seven years now and i don’t want it to get worse#but i really have to think about what Better looks like#because right now i cannot visualize it. i don’t know… how can i advocate for myself if i don’t know my own needs
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