#i feel like i may have repeated myself between this ask and the last but its fiiiine

[ephemeral-love-4]

Linger

── .✦ Lilia Calderu X Princess! Reader

╰┈➤Chapters : 1/3

Word count :27k

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅

The marketplace was quiet at this hour, the last of the vendors long gone, leaving behind only a faint scent of spice and wax. My feet barely made a sound against the cobblestone as I walked, the night air curling around my skin. I should have been in my chambers, tangled in expensive silk sheets, feigning sleep beneath the heavy weight of my obligations. But the castle had felt more suffocating than usual tonight.

The talks of my engagement had begun.

I exhaled through my nose, rubbing at my temple as I let my feet guide me through the familiar streets, seeking solace in their emptiness. That was when I saw her.

She sat at the base of the fountain, her golden gown catching the soft glow of the lanterns. The moonlight bathed her in silver, accentuating the dark curls that cascaded past her shoulders. She was beautiful— breathtaking, really. But it was the way she sat, shoulders heavy, her brown eyes filled with something unreadable as she gazed into the water, that struck me the most.

She wasn’t from here.

I knew everyone in my kingdom, and I had never seen her before. So, I did what any reasonable princess would do. I walked up to her.

“You’re new,” I said, settling beside her on the fountain’s edge.

She looked up, an eyebrow arching at my intrusion. “Is that a problem?”

“Nope,” I mused, tilting my head. “Just an astute observation.”

She didn’t reply. Instead, she studied me, her dark eyes scanning my face with something like quiet amusement. I liked that she didn’t lower her gaze.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

She hesitated, as if weighing whether to answer. “Lilia. Lilia Calderu.”

“Calderu… You really aren’t from here, huh?” I said, surprised. Most people didn’t visit the kingdom unless they had business, and even then, they rarely lingered in the streets at this hour.

“So, where are you from?”

A pause— small, but noticeable. “Sicily.”

“Sicily?” I repeated, leaning forward with interest. “That’s… in Italy. And fairly far away.” I dipped my fingers into the cool fountain water, letting the ripples dance around my skin. “So, what brings you here, all the way from Sicily?”

She pressed her lips together. Her fingers trailed absentmindedly over the fabric of her gown. “Circumstances,” she said quietly.

“That’s vague.”

A soft breath left her nose— almost a scoff. Then, after a long moment, she spoke again. “A fever swept through my village,” she murmured. “And I was the only survivor.”

The words were quiet but heavy. The weight of them hung in the air, settling between us like an unspoken grief.

I reached out instinctively to take her hand but hesitated, retracting my fingers at the last second. “I’m sorry,” I murmured. And I truly meant it.

She glanced at me before turning back to the water. “It happened a long time ago.”

“It may have happened a long time ago,” I said softly, “but the feeling still lingers, does it not?”

She stiffened, her hands clenching around the folds of her gown. “I suppose it does.”

A quiet settled between us, broken only by the distant hum of the wind.

“Do you have anywhere to spend the night?” I asked, watching her face carefully.

She shook her head.

A brilliant idea struck me.

“Stay at the castle.”

She turned to me, confusion flickering across her features. “What castle?”

“My castle.”

Her expression shifted. Recognition. “Ah. So you’re the principessa.”

“Yep. Princess Y/N of the L/N household,” I said with a grin, finally introducing myself.

Lilia stood and curtseyed. “Ah, pardon me, I didn’t recognize you were royalty,” she said with a soft tone.

I waved a dismissive hand. “It’s fine, you didn’t know.” I stood beside her. “Right, so, are you staying at the castle?”

“I must decline your invitation,” she said, dusting off her dress.

“Why?”

She gave me a pointed look. “Pardon me, but it’s a foolish idea.”

“Why?” I repeated.

“Why?” she echoed, as if she couldn’t believe I was asking. “You don’t know me, principessa. I could be a thief. Or an assassin.”

I grinned. “Well, if I were to die, at least I’d be dying at the hands of a very beautiful woman.”

Lilia blinked, then scoffed. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’ve been told.” I clasped my hands together. “So? Are you going to stay?”

She slipped her hands out of mine. “No. I need to be out by dawn, anyway.”

I huffed, frustrated with her reluctance. “So? There’s no harm in spending the night.”

She exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand down her face, as if she were struggling to keep her composure. Before she could protest further, I cut her off.

“You’re spending the night. And that’s an order.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“You heard me. You’re spending the night.”

She muttered something in Sicilian— probably cursing me— before sighing. “One night.”

I beamed, extending my hand. “Excellent! I can assure you, you won’t regret it.”

She eyed my hand before taking it and muttering, “We’ll see.”

The walk back to the castle was quiet. Lilia observed the surroundings, taking in the sight of the village, while my focus was entirely on her. There was something about her—something enticing, something I couldn’t quite place. She was like a flickering candle in a dark room, drawing me in with her quiet intensity.

I was so focused on her that I didn’t even notice the approaching guard.

“Princess!” a voice called out.

We both stopped in our tracks.

“The king is very displeased with your actions,” the guard continued, his tone clipped. “I suggest you return to the castle at once.”

I groaned, rubbing my temples. If my father was already upset, how was I supposed to convince him to let Lilia stay?

Lilia tensed beside me. I felt the shift immediately— the way her shoulders squared, her posture stiffening. She was preparing for rejection, for being turned away.

Not happening.

The grand hall was cold despite the flickering chandeliers overhead, the polished marble floors echoing every step I took. The moment I set foot inside, my father’s voice rang out, sharp and commanding.

"Y/N."

I froze, shoulders squaring instinctively as I turned to face him. King L/N stood at the foot of the grand staircase, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression set in a deep frown of disapproval. The heavy embroidered cloak draped over his shoulders made him look even more imposing, his piercing gaze cutting straight through me.

Behind me, Lilia remained silent, her posture unreadable, but I could feel her gaze flicking between us, assessing the situation.

My father’s expression hardened as he stepped forward. "Where have you been?"

I lifted my chin. “Out.”

His frown deepened. "Sneaking away in the middle of the night? Do you know what kind of example that sets?"

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “Oh, forgive me, Father, for daring to leave the castle walls for fresh air.”

His eyes narrowed. “This is not a game, Y/N. You are a princess, not some reckless commoner who can disappear into the streets without consequence. What if something had happened to you? Do you think the kingdom would not notice if its heir went missing?”

I set my jaw. “I was fine.”

“You do not know that,” he countered, voice low with simmering anger. “The world outside these walls is dangerous. And you, Y/N, are far too naïve if you believe otherwise.”

Before I could snap back, his gaze flickered past me to Lilia, assessing her with an unreadable expression. His posture stiffened. “And who is this?”

I lifted my chin, stepping slightly in front of her. “Her name is Lilia Calderu. She’s my guest.”

His brows furrowed. “Guest?”

“Yes.” I crossed my arms. “She has nowhere to go. She’s staying the night.”

His expression darkened instantly. "Absolutely not."

My stomach twisted. “Why not?”

“Because I said so,” he replied, his tone final, as if that alone should be enough.

I took a step closer. “She is staying.”

He exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Y/N, do not test me. You are to be engaged soon. You should not be bringing strange women into the castle.”

Anger flared in my chest. “She is not a ‘strange woman.’”

“She is a wanderer.” His voice was laced with disdain. “You know nothing about her. Who she is, where she has been, what she might want.” He gestured toward Lilia, his expression tight. “For all you know, she could be a thief, a spy, or worse.”

Lilia let out a low, unimpressed scoff behind me. I had no doubt she was already growing tired of this conversation.

My fingers curled into fists. “She saved my life tonight.”

That caught him off guard. His eyes flickered briefly with something unreadable before his expression turned skeptical. “Did she?”

“Yes,” I said, voice firm. “And I gave her my word that she would have a place to stay for the night.” I took another step closer, squaring my shoulders. “And a princess does not break her word.”

A tense silence fell between us.

My father’s eyes studied me, sharp and calculating. I could see the war waging in his mind— his need for control battling against the unshakable will I had inherited from him.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he let out a slow exhale. "Fine. One night."

A triumphant grin spread across my face before I could stop it.

Lilia, standing behind me, muttered something under her breath. I wasn’t sure if it was a curse or a prayer.

The king’s expression remained unreadable as he turned on his heel, already heading up the staircase. “Do not make me regret this, Y/N.”

I watched him disappear down the corridor before letting out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

Then, turning back to Lilia, I smiled. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

I glanced toward one of the maids lingering near the entrance. “Prepare a bath for my guest. And bring some fresh clothes.”

The maid gave me a quick bow before hurrying off to do as instructed.

Lilia arched a brow at me. “Saved your life?”

I grinned. “Yep! Saved me from eternal boredom”

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

I pushed open the heavy wooden door to my chambers, leading Lilia inside with an air of triumph. The room was bathed in the warm glow of candlelight, the silk curtains fluttering gently from the night breeze that slipped through the open window. The scent of lavender and honey lingered in the air, a comforting contrast to the crisp, spice-tinged scent of the marketplace.

Lilia stepped inside hesitantly, her sharp eyes sweeping over the luxurious surroundings. The grand four-poster bed sat at the center, its plush golden canopy draped elegantly, while a vanity table lined with ornate trinkets and glass bottles stood against the far wall. The fireplace crackled softly, casting flickering shadows across the intricate tapestries hanging along the walls.

"You can take a bath," I announced, stepping toward a hidden door that led to my private bathing chamber. "There should be fresh water waiting. And when you're done, there'll be some clean clothes for you."

Lilia raised an eyebrow, arms crossing but didn't say anything, simply moving towards the bathing chamber, pausing only to glance back at me. “Don’t go stealing my things while I’m in there, principessa.”

I gasped, placing a hand over my heart in mock offense. “I would never! …Unless you have something particularly interesting.”

She let out a short laugh, shaking her head before disappearing inside.

By the time Lilia emerged, she was clad in a loose, white linen shirt and a pair of silk trousers I had laid out for her— simple, but far cleaner than what she had worn before. Her damp curls cascaded over her shoulders, her face softer now that the dirt and weariness of the road had been washed away.

I, already in my nightgown, flopped unceremoniously onto my bed, stretching out like a cat who got the cream. Lilia stood at the edge of the room, arms crossed again, as if debating her next move.

“Where will I be sleeping?” she finally asked.

I blinked at her before grinning mischievously. “Oh, there’s plenty of room in my bed!” I patted the empty space beside me.

Lilia’s expression remained unreadable for a moment, before she let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You have an entire castle with dozens of guest rooms… and yet, you insist I sleep here.”

"Of course," I said, beaming. "You don’t expect me to throw a guest into a lonely, cold room all by herself, do you?"

She exhaled sharply, as if she was suffering some great misfortune, before moving toward the bed. With clear reluctance, she perched at the very edge, sitting stiffly with her hands clasped in her lap.

I, on the other hand, was sprawled on my side, my head propped up by my hand as I stared at her unabashedly. “You look like you’re about to flee,” I commented.

“I’m considering it.”

I giggled, kicking my feet slightly. "You wound me, Lilia. Truly. Here I am, offering you warmth and comfort, and you act as if I’m the villain."

“You could be.”

I gasped dramatically, pressing a hand to my chest. "Me? A villain? And here I thought I was your noble rescuer!"

She shook her head, looking away with a barely contained smirk.

A few beats of silence passed. The room was quiet except for the gentle crackling of the fire and the occasional hoot of an owl outside. I studied her in the dim candlelight, the way her shoulders were tense, as if she was constantly ready to spring into action. There was a guardedness in her posture, in the way she held herself— like a woman who had spent too long expecting the worst from people.

I shifted, sitting up properly. “So,” I said, tilting my head, “what’s your story?”

Lilia’s fingers drummed idly against her knee. “That’s a dangerous question to ask, principessa.”

"Is it?"

She hummed, glancing at me from the corner of her eye. “It is. People lie. People exaggerate. Some stories aren’t meant to be shared at all.”

I leaned in slightly. “And which of those applies to you?”

She hesitated. For a long moment, I thought she might refuse to answer, but then— perhaps as a way to humor me, or as some small form of repayment for my generosity— she sighed and leaned back on her hands.

“I’ve traveled a lot,” she began. “And when you travel, you see many things. You meet many strange people.”

I perked up, urging her on with an excited nod.

She exhaled through her nose, as if debating how much to tell me. Then, a glint of amusement sparked in her eyes. “There was a time,” she said slowly, “when I tried to swindle a nobleman out of his gold.”

My eyes widened. “Did you succeed?”

Lilia smirked. “I almost did. I had the whole act perfected— a lost traveler, helpless and alone, abandoned by fate itself.” She sighed dramatically, mimicking my earlier theatrics. “He fell for it, of course. But, just as I was about to make off with a very fine coin purse, his wife arrived.”

I gasped. “And then?”

Lilia grinned, the sharpness of it rivaling the edge of a dagger. “She turned out to be far more terrifying than he was. I barely made it out of there without a broken nose.”

I burst into laughter, throwing my head back. “Oh, that’s brilliant.”

She chuckled softly, shaking her head.

“Tell me another,” I urged, shifting closer.

Lilia raised an eyebrow. “Are all princesses this demanding?”

“Only the best ones.”

She exhaled, but there was no real protest in it. And so, she told another.

And another.

She spoke of a tavern brawl in a coastal town, of a merchant who tried to sell her a “magic” gemstone that turned out to be nothing but colored glass. With each story, my laughter grew louder, my fascination deeper. And though Lilia acted as if she was merely humoring me, I could tell— there was a flicker of ease in her posture now. A softening of the walls she had built around herself.

I don’t know when I stopped lying on my side and ended up sitting cross-legged in front of her, leaning in, hanging onto every word. I don’t know when Lilia’s smirk turned into something more genuine, or when her voice lost its usual guarded edge.

But by the time we realized how late it had become, the sky outside was no longer dark.

Golden light trickled through the curtains, the first hints of dawn breaking over the horizon. The night had slipped away from us, lost between laughter and whispered stories.

Lilia blinked, glancing toward the window. “...We talked all night.”

I grinned, stretching my arms above my head. “Looks like we did.”

She shook her head, running a hand through her hair. “That wasn’t my plan.”

I laughed. “Neither was bringing home a mysterious traveler from the fountain, yet here we are.”

Lilia sighed, rubbing at her temples. “I blame you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

She looked at me for a long moment, then exhaled in defeat. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re still here,” I pointed out smugly.

A flicker of something passed through her gaze. She didn’t respond, but she didn’t deny it either.

“So, will you be staying for breakfast?” I smile, getting ready to insist that she stayed but to my surprised she didn't protest simply just agreed

I had a feeling she was going to be staying for much longer than just breakfast

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The autumn air was crisp, tinged with the scent of earth and fallen leaves. The gardens, usually vibrant with life, now stood bathed in gold and amber, the trees shedding their fiery coats with every passing breeze. The stone path beneath my feet was littered with leaves that crunched softly as Lilia and I walked side by side.

She held my hand— casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Her fingers were warm despite the chill in the air, her grip firm but not forceful. The way her thumb occasionally brushed over my knuckles was enough to send a quiet shiver down my spine.

She was telling a story, her voice rich with amusement, her words animated with subtle gestures.

“So then, the old woman— no taller than my shoulder, mind you— just picks up the frying pan, swings it around like she’s wielding a sword, and bam— drops the first man to the ground. I have never seen a grown man go down so fast in my life. And the other two? The moment she turned toward them, they just— ” Lilia made a dramatic, exaggerated motion of two men throwing their hands up in surrender, eyes wide with terror.

I let out a small, breathy laugh, but it lacked its usual spark.

Lilia didn’t miss it.

She trailed off mid-sentence, her sharp gaze flickering toward me.

“You’re quiet.”

I blinked, startled by her sudden shift in tone.

“You’re never this quiet,” she pressed. There was something softer in her voice now, something searching. She gave my hand a light squeeze, as if to pull me back into the present. “What’s wrong?”

I hesitated. I could brush it off, I could tell her I was just tired, I could turn the conversation back to her story. But this was Lilia. She would see through it instantly.

So instead, I sighed, my breath visible in the cool air.

“My father,” I murmured, “has successfully arranged my marriage.”

Lilia stopped walking.

Just like that, the world seemed to still.

I kept my eyes ahead, focusing on the shifting leaves in the distance. “It’s with the neighboring kingdom,” I continued, my voice steady despite the weight of my words. “A political alliance. It will benefit our people.”

Silence.

I could feel her staring at me, I could feel the tension radiating from her as she processed my words.

When I finally glanced at her, her expression was unreadable— but her grip on my hand had tightened.

“And you’re just… accepting this?” Her voice was quieter now, but there was a sharpness beneath it, like the edge of a blade.

I shrugged. “It’s my duty.”

Lilia scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. “Since when do you care about duty?”

I smiled wryly. “Since always.”

“That’s a lie,” she shot back. “You do what you want, when you want. You push against every rule, every expectation. You never just accept things.”

She pulled me to a stop, turning to face me fully. The autumn breeze swept through the garden, rustling her dark hair, making the crimson leaves dance around us.

“You could rule alone,” she said suddenly.

I blinked. “What?”

“You don’t need some self-important noble at your side,” she continued. “You could take the throne by yourself.”

I laughed, the sound light but hollow. “You say that as if female rulers aren’t rare.”

“You could be the first.”

“I’m not fit to be one of them.”

“That’s not true.”

I exhaled, shaking my head. “Lilia, I—”

“I mean it,” she interrupted. Her voice was steady, certain. “You’re more capable than anyone I’ve ever met.”

I smiled faintly, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes. “I’m not fit to be a royal at all.”

Lilia’s brows furrowed. “Why would you say that?”

I turned my gaze upward, watching as a golden leaf drifted lazily through the air. “Because I don’t belong here.”

She said nothing, waiting for me to continue.

“I envy you, you know,” I admitted after a moment.

Lilia frowned. “Why?”

I gestured vaguely around us, to the castle in the distance, to the sky stretching endlessly above. “Because you’re free. You can go wherever you want, live however you choose. You don’t have to answer to anyone.”

Lilia was silent.

Then, before I could react, she abruptly stopped walking and turned to me, her hands now gripping both of mine.

“Run away with me.”

I froze.

Her voice was steady, but there was something desperate in her gaze.

I let out a breathy laugh. “Lilia—”

“I’m serious.” She took a step closer, her fingers tightening around mine. “Come with me. Leave this place behind. No arranged marriages, no obligations— just us.”

My heart clenched painfully.

I wanted to. Gods, I wanted to.

To run, to escape, to be selfish just this once.

But I couldn’t.

And she knew that.

So I did what I always did— I smiled. I laughed. I brushed it off like it was nothing.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I teased. “Where would we even go?”

Lilia didn’t laugh.

Her lips parted as if to argue, but then she stopped. Her expression shifted, like she had realized something.

Like she had realized I wasn’t saying no because I didn’t want to.

I was saying no because I couldn’t.

And for the first time since I had met her, Lilia had no clever retort.

She just held my hand a little tighter.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The grand hall was alight with warmth and music, chandeliers casting golden light over the polished marble floors. Laughter and conversation wove through the air, a soft hum beneath the string quartet playing in the corner. It was a private affair— no grand ball, no elaborate feast— just a quiet gathering to introduce Prince Edric to the inner court.

I stood near the farthest window, a goblet of wine in hand, watching as the guests spoke in hushed tones about my impending marriage.

“Your Highness.”

I turned, and there he was— Prince Edric.

His dark hair was neatly combed back, his attire pristine and refined. He had a composed, gentle smile, the kind that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Your Grace,” I greeted, forcing a polite smile.

“I was hoping we might speak.”

I nodded, gesturing toward the balcony. Away from the prying eyes and murmured gossip, the cool night air greeted us as we stepped outside. The autumn wind carried the scent of rain, crisp and clean.

Edric exhaled, resting his hands on the stone railing. “I won’t pretend this arrangement is one of love,” he began, voice steady. “But I hope, in time, we might at least be friends.”

I studied him. He was not cruel. Not unkind. He was not a tyrant, nor a fool. In a different life, perhaps I could have been content with this.

I offered a small smile. “I suppose that’s a good place to start.”

He glanced at me then, a flicker of something unreadable in his gaze. “I will not ask if this is what you want,” he said carefully. “Because I suspect I already know the answer.”

I said nothing.

Edric turned back toward the night sky. “Duty is a heavy thing, isn’t it?”

I let out a quiet breath. “It is.”

And that was that.

We returned to the hall, where the murmurs and music swelled once more.

Lilia was waiting for me in my chambers when I returned.

She sat on the windowsill, one leg dangling, her arms crossed. The moonlight painted her in shades of silver and shadow, but even in the dim glow, I could see the tightness in her jaw.

“You’re late,” she muttered.

I sighed, kicking off my shoes. “I was with Edric.”

Something flickered in her expression. “And?”

I collapsed onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. “And… he’s not as bad as I thought.”

Silence.

Then, quietly—

“You like him.”

I turned my head toward her. “Does it matter?”

Lilia’s hands clenched at her sleeves. “It does to me.”

I sat up. “Why?”

She let out a sharp breath, standing abruptly. “Because—” She stopped herself, shaking her head. “Never mind.”

“No.” I pushed myself to my feet. “Say it.”

Lilia glared at me. “What do you want me to say, principessa? That I can’t stand to watch you fall into this gilded cage? That I hate the way you talk about him as if it’s already decided?” She let out a bitter laugh. “Because it is, isn’t it?”

I swallowed hard. “Lilia—”

She took a step forward, close enough that I could see the frustration burning behind her eyes.

“Tell me you don’t want more,” she whispered.

I didn’t answer.

Because I couldn’t.

Her breath hitched, and then, with a shake of her head, she turned away.

“I can’t do this.”

Something in my chest twisted. “What do you mean?”

She exhaled shakily. “I mean I can’t stay. I can’t sit here and watch you marry someone else.”

Panic flared in my heart. “You’re leaving?”

Lilia didn’t answer.

I grabbed her wrist. “Lilia.”

She turned back to me, and for the first time, I saw it— real heartbreak, plain on her face.

“I love you,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “And I can’t stay and watch you be someone else’s.”

My breath caught.

But before I could say anything—

She pulled away.

And she was gone.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The castle was shrouded in silence. The kind of silence that felt heavy, suffocating, like the calm before a storm. The torches along the walls flickered weakly, their light barely pushing back against the thick darkness creeping through the halls.

I should have been asleep. Tomorrow was my wedding day. The day I fulfilled my duty. The day I sealed my kingdom’s future. The day I gave myself away to a man I barely knew.

But instead, I was here— standing at my window, watching the courtyard below, lost in thought.

And then, I saw her.

A shadow, moving swiftly along the stone path leading to the gates. Cloaked, hooded, carrying only a small satchel.

My stomach dropped.

I knew that silhouette. I would recognize her anywhere.

“Lilia…”

I barely realized I had whispered her name before I was moving. My feet carried me through the halls before I could think. Before I could hesitate. Before I could talk myself out of it.

I didn’t bother with shoes. Didn’t bother with a cloak to keep out the autumn chill.

I ran.

Through the halls. Down the stairs. Across the courtyard.

She was already at the gates when I called out.

“LILIA!”

She froze.

For a moment, she didn’t turn.

Then, with a sigh, she did.

Under the pale moonlight, her face was unreadable. A perfect mask of indifference. But I knew her too well. I could see it in the tightness of her jaw. In the way her fingers clenched at the strap of her satchel.

She wasn’t indifferent.

She was in pain.

“You’re leaving.”

Lilia froze mid-movement, fingers tightening around the strap of her satchel. Then she sighed, slow and measured, before turning slightly— just enough for me to see the tension in her face.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

I stepped forward. “So, that’s it?” My voice was softer than I intended, laced with something close to hurt. “You weren’t even going to say goodbye?”

She let out a quiet, bitter laugh, shaking her head as she turned away.

“Would you have even noticed?” she muttered. “You have a wedding to prepare for, after all.”

I flinched.

“That’s not fair.”

Her shoulders stiffened, something snapping in her as she turned fully to face me.

“What’s not fair,” she snapped, “is standing here, pretending this means nothing to you. Pretending I mean nothing to you.”

The air went still.

I swallowed hard, but I didn’t deny it.

Because I couldn’t.

Because we both knew the truth.

“Lilia,” I said softly, hesitant. “You know it’s not that simple.”

She laughed, but there was no joy in it. Only sharp edges and unspoken pain.

“No.” She shook her head. “It is that simple.”

Her eyes locked onto mine, something fierce and desperate burning in them.

“You don’t want this marriage, do you?”

I opened my mouth. Then hesitated.

And that was all she needed.

Lilia took a step closer, lowering her voice, but the urgency in it only grew.

“Then run.”

My breath hitched.

“Let’s go— tonight, right now. Just say the word, and we leave.”

Her hands found mine, fingers curling around them like a lifeline, as if willing me to take the leap she had already decided on.

For a moment, I almost did.

For a moment, I imagined it— us, slipping away into the night, leaving behind duty and titles and the weight of expectation.

For a moment, it felt real.

But it wasn’t.

It never could be.

I shook my head, barely able to get the words out.

“I can’t.”

Lilia stilled.

For a long, excruciating second, she just looked at me.

Her expression shifted.

The fire in her eyes dimmed, replaced by something more fragile.

Something that shattered me.

“Do you love him?” she whispered.

I stayed silent for too long.

Then, barely above a breath, I forced out the truth neither of us wanted to hear.

“…It doesn’t matter.”

Lilia closed her eyes.

And I knew.

I knew I had lost her.

She exhaled sharply, jaw tight, and when she looked at me again, the softness in her expression was gone.

She stepped back.

Out of reach.

“Right.” A quiet, bitter chuckle. “Of course, it doesn’t.”

Something inside me screamed to stop her. To take it back. To say something— anything— that would make her stay.

But I didn’t.

I couldn’t.

She shook her head, stepping further away, the distance between us stretching wider and wider.

“No.” Her voice was softer now, but no less final. “You made your choice.”

And just like that—

She turned.

And walked away.

And I let her.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The morning of my wedding arrived with a hush, as if the entire kingdom held its breath. The air was thick with the scent of roses, honeyed incense, and polished steel. Every hallway of the castle had been draped in silks of gold and ivory, servants scurrying to ensure that every candle was perfectly lit, every flower in place. The weight of it all settled on my shoulders long before I even opened my eyes.

I was getting married today.

To Edric.

To a man who was kind enough. A man who smiled when we met, who was polite, respectful. A man who would be a good king, a strong ruler, a responsible husband.

A man who was not her.

I sat before the mirror as the maids fastened the last ties of my gown, their hands careful, their voices hushed. My wedding dress was heavier than I expected, layers of embroidered silk wrapping around my body, golden threads woven into intricate patterns across the bodice—symbols of unity, prosperity, duty.

Duty.

The word rang in my mind like a funeral bell.

I barely noticed as they pinned my veil into place, as they twisted my hair into an elaborate style fit for a queen. I did not flinch when they placed the weight of the crown atop my head.

I looked the part. A bride. A future queen. A symbol of peace.

And yet, all I could think about was Lilia.

Had she made it far? Had she left the kingdom’s borders yet? Was she safe? Was she thinking of me?

Was she regretting it as much as I was?

A soft knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts.

“It’s time, Your Highness.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, pressed my trembling hands together, and rose to my feet.

It was time.

The cathedral was grander than I had ever seen it, bathed in golden light, the high-arched stained-glass windows casting fractured colors onto the marble floors. Every inch of the hall was filled— nobles draped in their finest silks, foreign dignitaries, knights standing like statues along the pillars. My father sat upon his throne, watching from above.

A kingdom waited.

The heavy wooden doors creaked open.

I stepped forward.

Each step sent a dull echo through the silent hall, my gown trailing behind me like a ghost. The scent of incense and candle wax curled in my lungs, but I barely breathed.

I was numb.

At the altar, Edric stood waiting.

His posture was perfect, his expression composed. He was not unkind, not cruel— there was no malice in his eyes, only duty. We were both victims of it, in our own ways.

I forced myself to meet his gaze as I reached him.

Neither of us smiled.

The priest began the ceremony, his voice a distant hum, speaking of love and duty and sacrifice. Words that meant nothing to me. Words that bound me all the same.

I wanted to turn, to run, to flee down the aisle and out into the cold air, where I could still chase after her. I wanted to find Lilia, wherever she had gone, to take her by the hand and tell her I was sorry.

But that was a fantasy.

This was my reality.

“…Do you, Princess Y/N, take Prince Edric to be your husband and king?”

The silence stretched.

I could feel my father’s gaze, the expectant stares of the court, the breathless anticipation of my people.

I was their princess. Their future queen.

This was the moment.

This was my fate.

My lips parted.

“…I do.”

A cheer erupted through the hall, a roar of celebration, of relief.

The golden ring was slipped onto my finger, cold as iron. The weight of it settled, final and unshakable.

There was no going back.

And somewhere, far beyond the castle walls, Lilia was nothing more than a memory.

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅

[princessofxianle]

so ive been following your fx's backstory au for a while, and ik you haven't mentioned this for now so if it's a huge spoiler or something you haven't worked out yet then feel free to ignore this, but how does jian lan and her relationship with fx fit into your au seeing as that is one of the two positive relationships canon-vise we know feng xin had with a woman?

and on the same note, what about fx's relationship with xl's parents? they both seem fond of him in the canon, queen more so than the king, so im super curious to see how that would be involved in your au. will there be more on the mutual animosity between qi rong and feng xin as well? are fx and his father the only ones with ties to the royal family, and does fx's sister have any strong feelings for them or any sort of connection?

side characters are soooo fun to play around with, especially when it comes to characters like fx who were barely given backstories at all!! if you ever decide to publish this as a fic, i will be the first in line to read it!!

for reference: | more asks (1) | more asks (2) | meet the OC's | #fx backstory au | THE FIC (ao3) |

Ohohohoh yay more questions!!! (this was totally not sitting in my inbox for 6 months... to the day 😅)

1. Jian Lan and Feng Xin <3

Jian Lan is the first female relationship Feng Xin attempts to navigate on his own. I think he’s basically an overgrown teenager trying to deal with his first crush. It doesn’t start as one, but through their talks it grows that way fast. To be honest I don’t add too much to Jian Lan’s canon backstory (at least for the moment) since I think a lot of it is self-explanatory. Feng Xin did indeed love her. And she still sent him away. We don’t know the reason why, but I think its mostly because of his relationship with Xie Lian.

Comparing Feng Xin’s feelings for Jian Lan and for Xie Lian is a bit like comparing apples and oranges, they are completely different types of love and devotion. With Jian Lan his feelings are new, novel, and a bit of light in the very dark time that is book 4. It’s easy and its indulgent. But at the end of the day, Feng Xin can’t imagine his life without Xie Lian. Whether because he wants it to be that way, or because of his obligation as his guard (I think it’s a bit of both) his loyalty means that he will prioritize Xie Lian every time. And even if he loves Jian Lan, and she knows this, she also knows he simply can’t prioritize her. It doesn’t matter if its romantic bc Feng Xin cannot prioritize his romantic love anyway. And I really do think that’s the reason she kicks him to the curb. There’s no point in continuing something that can’t possibly work out. (There was a reason for FX, this was his escape, but at the end of the day it wasn’t his decision to make.)

As for how this all ties in, it just adds to Feng Xin’s belief that he’s cursed when it comes to women. They either die, hurt him, get hurt, or leave. It might not be true, but it’s a belief no one has ever challenged after his sister scared the shit out of him with it, so what else can he do except trust his gut?

2. Feng Xin and Xie Lian’s Parents

Im SO glad you asked. Feng Xin has limited knowledge on the parental front lol. He sees a lot of his dad in XL’s dad, but his bias toward Xie Lian means he is constantly on the opposing end of XL’s arguments with his dad. He finds this dynamic incredibly difficult to manage because he wants Xie Lian to get along with his father, but he can’t ever see a way for that to work.

Xie Lian’s mother, however, might as well be the mother Feng Xin lost. When XL and FX are around 5/6yo and start to become friends the first person XL introduces him to is his mother. He is, understandably, scared. But quickly warms up to her as he sees how important she is to Xie Lian.

3. Qi Rong, Shen Liang, and ties to the royal family

Y’know, I hadn’t thought of much in regard to him (maybe thatll change now). He really just see’s QR as a self-centered little brat. Their values cannot be more polar opposite. His job is to serve and protect, and QR has a history of doing whatever the fuck he wants and ignoring how everyone (except XL) is affected.

Shen Liang does not have any connection to royalty. So that makes it very easy to blame the crown when her mother dies. (Grief can make you believe anything if you can tie the right strings together). I’m still figuring out how much blame she has, but it does revolved around Xie Lian since both him and her didi were born around the same time and there was a lack of resources for her mother, with a very premature baby fx, because of the expectant royal heir (who was also late term.)

.

I hope that answers everything. Next chapter coming soon (first draft is done!), im very excited to share, hope you are still excited to read, anon! Thanks for the ask!

[berfgrimm]

sharp dressed man | choi seunghyun (t.o.p) x reader

pairing: choi seunghyun (t.o.p) x f!reader

warnings: smut, oral, cheating, deepthroating, dirty talk, friends to lovers

note: this is a request that i promise started out as white haired Seunghyun. then i remembered this performance existed and i panicked. i’m so sorry but I hope you enjoy!!

———————

You have to know what Seunghyun tastes like. The thought is stuck in your brain like it’s a broken record, repeating over and over. You shouldn’t think about it. You’re both seeing other people, albeit very casually, and on top of that, you’ve been friends for years. Still, the loop plays in your head because of one stupid fucking gesture.

Your friends invited you to their performance on Inkigayo, and of course you accepted the invite; you loved to see them on stage, in their element. What you didn’t expect, however, was to watch Seunghyun grab a handful of his crotch mid-performance. A handful. The crowd screamed and you would have too if you didn’t feel like you were going to pass out.

But why? Who cares that Seunghyun grabbed himself? Why should it matter to you? If anyone asked it definitely didn’t matter to you, and you did not think about it for the rest of the evening. But now you find yourself alone in a dressing room with Seunghyun, and it’s the only thing on your mind. His bandmates had decided to get dinner after the performance, but Seunghyun stayed behind; you opted to stay with him, to see if you can will yourself to stop feeling like this. After twenty minutes of near silence, Seunghyun finally speaks.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and you look at him quickly. He has a look of genuine concern and it’s the first time you become aware of how you may be presenting yourself in that moment. Your body feels tense and your face tight, having been more focused on your thoughts than your appearance.

“Uh, yeah, I’m cool,” you reply, relaxing your shoulders and straightening out your back. “Sorry.”

“You’ve been acting strange all night,” he pushes. “You weren’t like this before the performance. Did you think that it was bad?”

“What? No, not at all!” You turn to face him, pulling one of your legs up onto the sofa with you. “I love watching you guys perform,” you continue. “I have no complaints.” The last part was a lie; if you were in the right state of mind, you’d tell him off for making you feel even a fraction of what you’re feeling right now.

“I can tell something is off about you,” he insists. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”

“I’m fine,” you say, with a smile. You realize that you have your hand resting on his thigh, and have no idea when you placed it there. “Fuck, sorry,” you say, retracting your hand as if it was on fire. “I shouldn’t have touched you.”

“Hey,” he laughs, turning to you and grabbing both of your shoulders. “Calm down. You look like you’re—”

You kiss him. Fuck, why did you kiss him? You pull away almost as quickly as you kiss him, and you can’t bring yourself to look in his eyes. You feel your heart pounding and your eyes water, panic setting it.

“Fuck, I am so fucking sorry, Seunghyun,” you say, shaking your head looking down at your lap. “I don’t…I don’t know why I did that. I mean, I know why, but I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I have no idea what came over me. You were out there on stage and you touched yourself like that — I don’t know! I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Fuck, I’m sorry.” You ramble so much, you don’t give him the opportunity to say anything in response, but his hands still hold onto your shoulders.

“You…” Seunghyun begins to speak but he trails off for a moment, and you can hear him pull in a slow breath. “I touched myself on stage, so you kissed me?”

“I’m so sorry,” you repeat, your skin flushing and the weight of his hands now becoming unbearable. You shove his hands off of you and stand from the sofa, putting as much distance between the two of you as possible. “My mind started to just…wander,” you continue, pacing back and forth as you still refuse to look at him. “I don’t know why; I can’t explain it. I watched you touch yourself like that, and I wanted to know…what you would feel like, and what you would taste like. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. If I could not feel like this, I would. Trust me. I don’t like to feel out of control like this. Now, all I keep thinking is how I want you to talk dirty to me, like you could say whatever you want, I wouldn’t care. I need it to be nasty. I shouldn’t…fuck, I shouldn’t have said that either.”

You can’t stop yourself from rambling, not until you finally lay eyes on Seunghyun. He still sits on the sofa like he was before, his eyebrows furrowed — he’s confused. You pull in a deep breath, letting it out slowly to try to stop yourself from shaking, which is a new development. You’d hoped that if you said everything you were feeling out loud, then you’d realize how it sounded and could just get over it, but now it’s worse. You feel like you’re going insane, completely embarrassed; you have to get out of this room before you do something stupid.

“I’m going to leave,” you say, taking a few hurried steps towards the door, but you feel Seunghyun lean to catch your wrist, stopping you. When you look at him, for a moment, he looks as torn as you feel, his eyes studying your face for something but then his expression changes.

“Lock the door,” he instructs. “Then get on your knees.”

All of the blood feels like it rushes between your legs, and you could realistically pass out. You lock the door quickly and move around to the front of the sofa to kneel down in front of Seunghyun parted knees. You’d never noticed how slender his fingers are but now as his hands unfasten his belt, you can’t help but pay attention. He keeps his eyes on you as he unbuttons his pants and drags the zipper down, untucking his shirt in the process. Seunghyun pushes the waist of his pants down enough so slip his other hand inside of his briefs so he can wrap his fingers around himself.

“You know that I’ve been seeing someone,” he begins, pulling his hardening length from the confines of his tight pants. “But you don’t care about that? You don’t care that I’ve been sleeping with someone else, do you?” He’s not really asking, but is almost degrading you for wanting to blow someone who’s taken. It shouldn’t be hot, but you love how his voice sounds.

“I don’t know,” you mutter, your eyes trained on his hand that slowly strokes his cock.

“Haven’t you been sleeping with someone, too?” Seunghyun continues, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a small smirk. “Is he not taking care of you? Is that why you’re crawling to me like this?”

“I can’t…” You shake your head, unable to come up with any response that will be remotely reasonable.

“This is all you can think about?” Seunghyun nods his head towards his lap, and you immediately nod. Of course he smirks at your response — why wouldn't he be amused when you’re this pathetic?

Seunghyun keeps stroking over himself, making sure you keep your eyes on either his erection or his face. You can actually feel how wet you are and your first instinct is to touch yourself but that’s not really what you need. All you want is to feel him in your mouth, so maybe if you tell him that, along with some other stuff…

“Fuck, I can’t wait to taste it,” you mutter, and you swear you can see Seunghyun falter just a little, his hand stuttering in one of his strokes. That’s when he stops, beckoning you over with a crook of his fingers; you don’t think twice, inching forward until you’re between his spread knees. You need to get a better view, a better way to get a grip on him.

The tremble in your hands is noticeable as you reach towards the waist of his pants. Your fingers curl around the fabric near his hips, catching the elastic of his briefs as well and tugging; Seunghyun lifts his hips enough to help you pull the material down to his thighs.

You start with his balls, massaging them gently for a moment before you wrap your free hand around him, near the base so you’re able to angle him just a bit. You drag your tongue from the base all the way to the head of his cock, the tip of your tongue taking special care to tease the dip where his shaft meets his head. He sighs, spreading his knees just a little wider to welcome you in.

Your tongue swirls around the head of his member, before you spit over him carefully so you can get him slick. You stroke slowly at first, your hand enveloping every inch as your other hand sets on his thigh. You flick your tongue over him to get a taste of his precum and already you feel yourself desperate to go faster to get to taste even more. You take his tip into your mouth, sucking on his gently, your hand shifting to massage his balls softly again.

“Fuck,” Seunghyun mumbles, so quietly, you almost miss it. You lift your gaze to meet his, blinking as innocently as you can manage while you take him just a little deeper into your mouth. His gaze is unflinching, focused on the way his cock enters your lips.

Your hand moves higher now, wrapping around the base of his shaft again and slowly stroking to meet what you don’t take into your mouth. It feels so good to have him in your mouth, listening to the way his breathing changes as you quicken your pace just a little — so you whine.

“Is this turning you on that much?” Seunghyun asks, his hand cupping your jaw to lift your head up, causing him to drop from your mouth. Your hand picks up the slack, stroking him fully at the same pace but adding in a small twist with each pump. “You were moaning on my cock,” he says, his thumb rubbing over your lips. “You didn’t even realize it. You’re strung out on a little bit of precum, and you’re hungry for more, hm?”

“I love giving head,” you say, slightly breathless as you gently bite the tip of his thumb. He smirks, pressing his thumb between your lips and past your teeth; you keep your eyes on him as you suck softly on his thumb, all while you still stroke your hand over his length.

“I think you just love having something in your mouth,” Seunghyun suggests, and you grin around his thumb. He pulls the digit out of your lips with a pop, and you tease the head of his cock with your tongue, swirling it around slowly.

“The feeling of a big, hard cock shoved into my throat, making me choke on it,” you press, an animalistic feeling overtaking you. “It’s like a fucking gift. I feel like I’m being rewarded.” You notice the way Seunghyun’s thighs clench when you speak so you keep your eyes on him, slowing down the movement of your hand and instead leaving kisses nearer the head of his cock.

“Is that what you want right now?” he asks, voice low and raspy. “You want me to reward you?” It makes your mouth go dry, the lazy way he speaks, so you swallow hard, which you’re certain he notices.

“If you think I deserve it,” you respond, placing another kiss to the head of his cock, just to tease him. Seunghyun lets out a huff of breath, breaking eye contact when he closes his eyes.

You take the opportunity to slip him back into your mouth, taking him deeper this time. Your mouth begins to do most of the work, bobbing up and down so you can take him deeper into your mouth. Your hand strokes what you aren’t what you’re not prepared to take yet. Seunghyun lets out a small groan, slightly strangled like he’s trying to keep quiet. That’s not what you want; no, you have to hear what you’re doing to him, you need his moans.

Your hand on his thigh shifts between his legs, massaging him again, and you feel him fucking twitch in your mouth. It makes you moan and that does it; he starts to groan deeper in his chest, the sound coming through clearer this time.

“You love giving head, hm?” Seunghyun asks, his voice deeper now but shaky as he tries to stay composed. “Are you already wet just from having me in your mouth like this?”

“Mhm,” you hum around him, and his hips twitch involuntarily, shoving them upwards so he forces himself deeper into your mouth. When you gag around him, Seunghyun takes hold of your head, pulling your head back so he can peer into your eyes. “Fuck, don’t make me stop,” you plead, panting and desperate. “I was just getting to the good part.”

Seunghyun smirks at your words, and brings his hand to your jaw again, slipping his thumb between your lips and past your teeth. You take the hint and open your mouth for him, awaiting your next instruction.

“Wider,” he mutters, and you listen, feeling yourself get wetter from the tone of his voice alone. “Wider. If you want it deep, you’ll have to make room for it.”

God, why does that make you whimper? Was it even sexy, or are you that overwhelmed with desire? That’s for you to figure out later, because now you have to open your mouth as wide as you can for him, sticking your tongue out. Seunghyun places his hand on the back of your neck, near the base of your skull, urging your head down to his cock again.

You take him into your mouth, not quite all the way, but you hold him there for a moment, hollowing out your cheeks. You slowly pull back, applying the same amount of suction as you go until you only have his tip left.

“You were begging for it and now you’re teasing,” Seunghyun chuckles, breathlessly. You pull him out of your mouth and purse your lips to blow cool air over his tip just to watch how he reacts; his thighs tense and he lets out a huff of breath, giving you a warning glare.

As you move to take him into your mouth again, you notice a smirk on Seunghyun’s lips. You bob your head faster, taking him even deeper and deeper, your saliva dripping from your mouth and coating his cock. You didn’t realize that you were salivating like this for him, that you would be this pathetic when you finally got a taste, but right now, you don’t care.

When he starts to reach the back of your throat again, you moan in excitement, gently scraping your teeth over him just a little and he inhales sharply through clenched teeth. He grabs the back of your head, guiding you down to keep taking him all the way to the back of your throat. You gladly relax to be able to accept the intrusion he presents and take him over and over as you bob faster.

“F-fuck,” Seunghyun stutters, gripping your head firmer and pressing.

You take him deeper, the absolute most you can and fuck, you’ve never had anyone push your throat to the limit like this. You struggle to keep him there as long as you can, your gag reflex fighting against your efforts, but you grab his thighs, your fingers clenching as you struggle. Your eyes begin to water, feeling your limits begin to break, your gagging becoming more difficult to ignore.

“Jesus,” Seunghyun moans, still holding your head until finally you can’t take it anymore. You squeeze his thighs to signify for him to let you go, and he does, allowing you to sit up.

You cough, and swallow, trying to calm your reflexes but tears still trickle from your eyes. Seunghyun cups your face with both hands, tilting your head up so he can look into your eyes. He looks unlike you’ve ever seen him, overcome and desperate to find some semblance of composure. You breathe hard, trying to catch your breath but you get lost in his eyes for a moment, finding slow breaths even harder to reach.

“You’re sexy like this,” Seunghyun whispers, wiping some of the tears from your eyes. “On your knees, choking on me.” Your hand grasps his cock, stroking at the same pace as before, but you keep your eyes locked with Seunghyun’s, watching the way that he struggles to keep his gasps and moans quiet.

You sit up higher on your knees now, taking his hands and lacing your fingers together so you can pin his hands onto the sofa cushions. You open your mouth and flick your tongue over his tip for one more tease before you take him into your mouth again. This time, you go fast, using only your mouth and the motions of your head; you bob quickly, taking him all the way to the back of your throat each time.

You can tell he’s getting close. The way he can’t keep his legs still, his hips thrusting up to drive himself deeper into your mouth. His moans sound so fucking good, the sexiest noises you think you’ve ever heard. Your panties feel absolutely drenched, your nipples are fucking hard, your head spinning because, fuck, watching your friend fall apart like this for you is the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

“You want me…fuck, where do you want it?” Seunghyun asks, his voice tight. You don’t answer because you need to keep him in your mouth. “God, you want it down the back of your throat? You want to swallow it?”

You hum an affirmative around him, and his grip on your hands tightens so firmly it hurts. You have to pull one of your hands free so you can touch him again, massaging him to help encourage him along. You feel the way he throbs in your mouth and you salivate even more in anticipation.

You quickly pump your hand over him, still sucking on what you can as Seunghyun’s moans grow louder, deeper, vibrating through his hips and into your mouth. Until he moans your name amongst a string of expletives, as he finally comes. You can’t help but moan because he taste salty, and sweet, and so fucking good. You keep working over him, pumping everything you can from him and swallowing every drop.

“Fuck, oh, my god,” Seunghyun groans, when you start to slow to a stop. You pull your mouth from him, licking your lips as you look up at him. His cheeks are red, his eyes struggling to stay open, his hands in his hair; this is the hottest he’s ever looked.

You lick your fingers clean of what you didn’t catch in your mouth, savoring the taste of him one more time. You can see Seunghyun’s eyes following your movements carefully, the quick rise and fall of his chest beneath his silky shirt not slowing down. You grin, using the edge of the sofa to support your weight as you stand on your shaky legs.

You try to play it cool but you can feel how aroused you are as you walk towards one of the makeup tables to grab some towels. You wipe your face dry, trying to think of an excuse to leave because now you’re thinking about the conversation that might happen. You aren’t ready to discuss things; you’d rather savor the moment as long as you can and maybe never speak about it again. You’re not sure, but until you figure it out, you know you want to keep the upper hand — if you could call it that after how pathetic you acted. You move back towards Seunghyun to toss a towel onto his chest, then pull your phone from your pocket to pretend to read a text.

“You should get cleaned up,” you say, looking at Seunghyun. “Wouldn’t want that girl you’re seeing to find you like this.” He looks surprised, his jaw slack as he tries to think of something to say in response, but nothing comes out. “Thanks, this was fun,” you say, slipping your phone into your pocket again. “I’ve got to meet up with someone.”

You cross to the exit, disengaging the lock and pulling the door open without sparing him another glance. As you make your way through the building in search of the exit, you try to think of what outcomes you could face. A part of you hopes that you got this feeling out of your system and you won’t have to talk about this with Seunghyun again. But another part of you makes up a dozen different scenarios of what could happen the next time you see your friend. Either way, you know your next move is back to your hotel room to take care of this ache between your thighs before you change your mind and run back to that dressing room with Seunghyun to beg him for help.

[abilouwrites]

WHO TELLS A TEENAGE GIRL SHE’D MAKE A PRETTY BRIDE

AND THEN LEAVES WITHOUT WARNING, ON A FRIDAY NIGHT

I’ve never been comfortable with love, rarely found comfort in another person. Except him, cradled in his arms on a Tuesday night. My leg over his, his between mine. My arms around his neck and fingers twisting the green curls in my fingers. He peppers kisses against my chest and collarbone, “I can’t believe we’re about to be second years” I murmur. My breath hot against his skin as his hands slide up my tank top.

“I want to marry you” Izuku whispers, so faint I can barely hear it. In the privacy of my room with my fan blowing the words wish away into nothingness.

“I do too” I agree, a little more firm. A little more existant than his, I lay next to him a happiness of just existing next to him. Of being with him, a hopefulness of the future.

Oh how quickly that was ripped away from me. A startling Saturday morning, knocks on doors. Shouts from downstairs. Letters taped to doors, each one. Even mine. Scribbled handwriting and some stains through the ink. I stare at it as I ride the elevator down. Baggy sleep shorts and one of his shirts I took last night after we did our homework together.

Gone, just like that. Like he just disappeared; gone out to nowhere. Izukus excuse to leave me after telling me he loved me. Because he was worried about my safety. Mine and everyone else’s.

“How do you feel y/n?” Momo asks as I stare in silence at my letter. Biting at my lips and picking at my fingers, “y/n?” She repeats my name softly. Passing me a cup of green tea. It shakes in my hand that I grasp for it. Her reflexes catch it from my slippery grasp and she sets it on the table. She sits next to me, a friend from my elementary days. A girl I’ve known my whole life. She wraps an arm around me and holds me to her.

“I don’t understand” I repeat again and again, as if the more I say it the clearer his reason for leaving me will become. Leaving me after I’ve told him how many times I’ve been left. In this same situation, again and again I have loved and love has been ripped away from me, “why would he leave? He’s safest here?” I try to make sense of it. But there is none.

No logic was made in his choice to leave. But he still left, “he told me he loved me” I whisper, “he thought I was asleep but I wasn’t and he told me he loved me. And now he’s gone”

I’m still reeling from this, standing slowly. Iida chastises me but I’m in my own world. One where I need to lay in bed and mope, wail and cry until the hurt leaves my body. Until I don’t want to run out and find him, I’m too tired to keep begging for someone’s love and affection. I don’t have it in me anymore to love. And maybe that sounds selfish but to be gifted a note that says he wants to protect me and the school but still leaves me. Knowing it may hurt me more than death to see him leave.

I close my door, sinking to the ground on shaky legs and sore bones. A lump shoves itself into my throat; I bow my head and I’m overwhelmed by the smell of him. The sweet cinnamon of his cologne. Vomit biles in my throat as I rip the shirt off. A desperate attempt to rid myself of him. A shoving cleanse of everything he’s gifted me.

Tears fall down my face, thick hot tears fall down my cheeks. Bowing at the curve of my lips, snot running down my nose. I’m shirtless crying in my dorm room, wailing and sobbing like some stupid girl but the boy I loved and the boy who told me he wanted to marry me just left me. Left me with no good explanation. God I want to die.

Air doesn’t feel like it’s air, and I can’t breathe. I’m weak as Momo lets herself into my room. Quiet and gently she grabs a shirt from my closet and tugs it over my shoulders.

“Shh. I know y/n just breathe”

I don’t fight her, I don’t fight as she lifts me into my bed. And lays with me, I don’t fight. I don’t have anything to fight. As the tears fall from my face and collect on my pillow, as they stick my eyelashes in clumps. As my nose runs and tears fall into my open mouth.

“He told me he wanted to marry me..” I hiccup against her skin, “and then he left me”

I repeat it again, softer this time. Like the way Izuku said he wanted more, more than just a girlfriend, “he told me he wanted to marry me, and then he left me”

[starmocha]

I'm gonna finish this story, I'm gonna finish this story, I'mgonnafinishthisstory, I'm gonna finish this story

Main story of Bride of the Dragon King is currently at 26.7k words...and idk, I think there are like ten scenes left. Most of my writing notes got scattered in my phone, because I've also been itching to write a few other AUs and more of the LNDS babies series. I have a goldfish brain and the attention span of a golden retriever, sorry, I can't be fixed 😔😔😔

Anyhoo, here's a wip snippet to hype myself up lol

Prelude is already out and I am keeping track of who asked to be tagged when I post the main story. Just mention explicitly to me somewhere and I'll add your handle to the list.

“Come here.” “I will not!” you protested vehemently, arms crossed over your chest, back turned to him in embarrassment. You could hear the sound of water splashing, sensed his presence shifting. You blushed harder. Sylus sighed. “I do not like repeating myself.” You flustered, but continued to adamantly keep your back to him. “You are shameless!” Sylus smirked, tilting his head in amusement. “Am I, my beloved?” Before you could even think of deigning him a response, Sylus motioned with his hand, summoning crimson tendrils that wrapped around your body, lifting and dragging you over until you shrieked in shock, finding yourself submerging into a hot spring. You surfaced quickly, gasping and sputtering, choking on the water you had accidentally engulfed. You could hear laughter and you turned in his direction, glaring, red-faced from both anger and embarrassment. You immediately splashed him with the water, yelling, “How could you do that?!” You gasped again, not expecting Sylus to wade closer to you. You quickly tried to avert your eyes, well aware he was completely nude in your presence. The sound of the water splashing seemed to grow louder the closer he moved to you. You whimpered when he invaded your space, his hand gripping your chin, gently guiding you to meet his darkening eyes. “As you have said, my beloved,” he murmured quietly, eyes darting back and forth from your flushed cheeks to your quivering lips, “I am shameless.” You swallowed slowly, heart quickening as his lips moved closer and closer until he finally claimed yours. You weakened, letting yourself be tempted by this sweet kiss, and forgetting momentarily the salacious situation you were in. As Sylus kissed you, his hands skimmed down underwater, resting on your hips and rubbing slow, lazy circles on them, feeling the wet fabric of your clothes clinging to your skin. You could feel an unusual heat building inside you as he touched you, seemingly testing the boundary between the two of you. He pulled away first, eyes growing hazy with desire. You panted, unable to regulate your breathing after the whirlwind of emotions he had just put you through in the last few minutes. You tried to speak, but all coherent thoughts seemed to have left your head, and from the way he was smiling at you, a cross between teasing and adoration, you found yourself at an even greater loss for words. After a moment, you managed to find your voice, as feeble as it may be. “You are so shameless…” you repeated, attempting to look elsewhere, though by this point, Sylus made sure he was the only object of your vision. “…how can you ask a maiden to bathe with you?” “She will be my bride,” he answered unabashed, smirking at your gawk at his audaciousness. His finger traced over your trembling lips, the light, fleeting touch left behind a tingling sensation long after they were gone. He hummed in satisfaction at the reaction you had. “Am I not your lover as well?” You blushed deeper. “…in a sense…” He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement at your coyness and embarrassment. He leaned down, taking your lips for himself again, pleased as he was able to draw out your soft, sweet moans. Minutes passed, he broke the kiss, the warmth of both your breaths intermingled, breathing heavy, and your look of disappointment not missed by his keen eyes. His fingers glided along your flushed cheek, down to your chin, and with a light tilt up so your soft doe eyes met his own aroused gaze, Sylus husked quietly, “In all sense, I want to be your lover.”

[firelordsfirelady]

VII. Under Water

Author: @firelordsfirelady

Imagine: When Y/N—a princess of one of the Water Tribes—is told she’s leaving her tribe, she never expects that she’s to be betrothed to the Fire Lord’s son, nor was she prepared to be exiled the very day she arrived at the Fire Nation. With her life in the hands of her new fiancée, how will life change for the princess? 

Pairing: Zuko x F!Reader

Trigger warnings: arranged marriage, feelings of fear, banishment, mentions of burns/abuse, frustration, violence, betrayal

Word Count: 1476

Destined to be Yin and Yang 

I own no rights to Avatar the Last Airbender or any of the characters/story.

Author’s Notes

The characters as all aged up so Zuko’s banishment happens when he’s 16 

Keep in mind I am bringing a unique world with inspiration from ATLA in their characters, some of the events that happen, bending, etc. Not many things may align or occur with what happened in the show. It’s intended that way, so I hope you enjoy it regardless.

See Y/N’s inspiration here. 

Destined to be Yin and Yang Soundtrack (YouTube)

I stood across from Zuko on the deck of the boat. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, so the moon illuminated the area of the wooden floors in between us. Zuko’s obsidian-colored robes looked more like charcoal gray under the silver rays of the moon. His hands were clasped behind his back as he began his lesson.

“What is one of the most important skills you need in order to properly defend yourself?” Zuko asked as his golden eyes shined with anticipation for my answer. Taking a moment to think about my answer, I said the second thing that came to my mind.

“Knowledge of your opponent’s fight style.” Zuko’s head tilted slightly to the right as he asked his next question.

“How do you obtain knowledge of your opponent’s fight style when your opponent is a complete stranger?”

“You learn to read their body language?” The infliction of my words by the end made the statement sound more like a question. Zuko’s right eyebrow raised itself on his forehead.

“Is that a statement or a question?” The firebender asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You learn to read their body language.” I repeated with a firmer tone. Zuko seemed to ponder my words before he quickly moved to attack me with a quick fireball. In the blink of an eye, I had thrown my own water whip to meet the fireball before it could hit me. Judging by the placement of his feet, I had a gut feeling he wanted me to prove my answer. I watched as Zuko shifted his weight slightly to his back foot. As he did this, I also shifted into a defensive stance and prepared myself for another attack. Zuko sent three rapid fireballs my way, but I pulled a large wave over the railing on Zuko’s side of the deck. The force of the wave knocked Zuko on his feet and pulled his prone figure closer to me.

Before the prince could move to stand, I summoned a large stream of water from the ocean to encompass the prince and freeze into a thick ice cocoon around him. Anger flashed on Zuko’s face as I watched his hands begin to burn--dully at first but grew intense as he used his fire to burst through the ice. I wasn’t prepared for the swipe he made at my legs, and I was sent flying to the floor. My body collided with the deck with an audible thud as the force of the impact took the breath from my lungs. I didn’t have time to catch my breath before I was pinned to the deck with Zuko’s right hand around my neck and his left raised with a ready ball of fire in the palm of his hand. His hand wasn’t tight around my throat, but it was tight enough to indicate that he had won.

“You lost.” Zuko whispered before he leaned in close to my face. “Not bad for your first fight.” I fought against the chill that ran through my body and down my arms as I felt goosebumps rise on my forearms. I felt the familiar rise of my cheeks’ temperature, and I knew the light from the moon and the fire in his hand provided Zuko with enough light to see the rush of blood to my cheeks. From my angle, I could see his cheeks turn slightly pink as the reality of our bodies’ positions flustered Zuko too.

“Does this mean you’ll train with me again?” My question was asked in a low volume, and the prince smirked as he leaned in slightly closer. He smelled like rainwater and moss, and I fought against the embarrassing urge to deeply inhale his scent.

“Shall we meet at the same time tomorrow then?” Zuko raised an eyebrow as he leaned back and stood up. I followed him, but the edges of my vision started to darken as I quickly grabbed onto Zuko for support.

“Sorry.” I said as my vision cleared slower than the pace to which it darkened. “You almost had me seeing stars.” I let go of Zuko’s arm as I laughed at my own joke. Then I smiled at Zuko before I gave him a small bow. “Thank you for training with me. I look forward to tomorrow’s lesson.” Zuko’s cheeks began to tint pink as he gave me a small bow in return. Leaving him on the deck, I walked to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. Smiling to myself, I flopped onto the mattress and stared at the ceiling.

My head felt light and my heart raced in my chest as I thought about Zuko. This interaction with him had been different than any other with the Prince in the past three years, and I liked it. After the excitement of the evening faded, I quickly slipped into a deep slumber.

Strange images and scenarios filled my dreams that night. 

A flash of a bright blue beam shooting from the middle of an ice-filled ocean while I stood on the deck speaking with Lieutenant Jee. I heard Zuko exclaim something about the Avatar as I suddenly stood face-to-face with a young airbender whose hands and hairless head had blue gray arrows. He stood in front of the desk in Zuko’s room with a small leather journal held in his hands.

With a sudden blast of wind, I can see Kyoshi’s shrine in the distance higher up on the mountainside as I follow behind Zuko. As Zuko turned around to face me, I found myself face-to-face with the snide face of an older man with thick sideburns. His eyes narrowed as he stalked towards me with a sinister smile on his face. My eyes widened with surprise as I saw the faint glowing blasts of fire and could hear the faint sounds of explosions over the frantic sound of water splashing. The water was cold as I weakly fought against the hand gripping my hair tightly as its own held my head down. I desperately held on to the oxygen in my lungs as my thrashing slowed. My limbs felt like a sky bison’s tail as my vision started rapidly fading to black.

“Princess!” I let out a gasp for air as I was suddenly shaken. In a panic from what had just happened, I thrashed against the hands on my shoulder as I scrambled to sit up. My chest rose and fell rapidly as I felt adrenaline coursing through my body when a small amount of fire lit to illuminate Zuko’s face in the darkness. “Calm down!” He harshly whispered. I blinked rapidly at the sudden change in light. Looking around quickly, I found myself back in my bedroom aboard the ship. “You were screaming, so I came to see what was happening.”

My heart was beating violently against my rib cage as I struggled to steady my breath. I tried to steady my shaking hand as I moved a strand of hair out of my face.

“I am sorry that I woke you.” I looked at the small window of my bedroom that had a small blanket over it to block out the light. It was still dark behind the blanket, so I had assumed it was sometime before sunrise. I wasn’t as successful steadying my hand as I reached for the glass of water on the table by my bed.

“Are you alright?” Zuko’s voice was laced with concern. “You were fighting me like you had been fighting for your life.” I let out a shaky laugh because there was no way that Zuko could have known what I had experienced that caused my scream.

“It was just a dream.” I took a drink to wet the back of my throat. It was hurting slightly from the screaming I had unknowingly done. Zuko’s face softened as he looked at me as I set the glass of water back down. “I appreciate that you came to check on me.” The Prince’s cheeks reddened slightly in the light of the fire as he shifted on his feet.

“Good night then, Princess.” He said before he bowed and turned to leave.

“Y/N.” I said as he reached the door. “Don’t call me Princess. Call me by my name--Y/N.” Zuko grabbed the handle to my door and walked out.

“Good night, Y/N.” I barely heard Zuko’s last words as he closed the door behind him. As I leaned back against the wall behind my bed, I relished in the sense of excitement that overwhelmed my thoughts as Zuko seemed to show some cracks in his rough exterior. I slid back down in bed and pulled the blanket over my head as I closed my eyes.

There was one thing I was almost certain of--Zuko’s walls were starting to crack.

Tag List @chevysstuffs @puttyly @ginger24880 @night-fall-moon @junieshohoho @0kauy @coolgirl458 @hypnoticbeing @angelruinz @preeyansha @playboygeniusphilanthropist @ssonniiu  @chi-ara

[chuuyasheaven]

Listen to the voices

“She’s so nice. .” – various! bsd! characters.

Tags: various! bsd! Characters / afab! Reader, mean! Character, degrading kink, slight praising kink, pet names, rough sex, VERY slight corrupting kink?, teasing?, slight spanking, inspired by my voices, creampie, overstimulation, might contain grammar errors, small drabble?, etc. Notes: As mentioned in the tags, shout out to my voices !!! Another important thing, both Dazai fics will be finished and posted during or after this week, otherwise, enjoy , my sluts !!

You’re the sweetest person he ever met. He’s absolutely in love with you, so are you, too. Buying him gifts, surprise kisses, and treating him right, most importantly. How can a person be so nice, he asks himself often. Because, he may seem to treat you good too everywhere but the bedroom. .

The bedroom, the place where he gets absolutely nasty and mean to you. “My pretty little slut,”, he grunted as he gripped your hips even harder, your ass pressing against him as he takes you from behind. His thrusts being nowhere soft, just straight up rough. But that’s okay, you’ve handled it many times before!! “Don’t you love it when I fuck you like the needy whore you are? I bet you do, hm?”, he asks you, only to not responded to. You moan as you feel him spank you. “I asked you a question, darling. Do I need to repeat myself?”

“N–not really. .”, you stutter, only to feel another spank against your ass. “Well, then answer it, I’m waiting, princess.”, he ordered you, knowing he’s completely ruining you. You grip the sheets as you try to answer his question. “. .I–i do,”, you said quickly, but he was still unsatisfied with those words.

“Do what? Tell me in full sentences, this is just the second round, baby. .”, he asked you in a mocking tone. “I–i love t–the way you fuck me. .”, you made it through the sentence, only for him to still tease you. “Like what?”, he asked with an smirk. “. .L–like the s–slut I am– ah!”, you continued until he thrusted up deeper inside.

“Good girl, gonna cum for me?”, he asked you, you nodded almost instantly, when you heard an chuckle come from him. “Do you want me to cum inside?”, waiting for your consent, he kept on chasing your orgasms. “Y–yes!”, was the answer he was waiting to hear. “F–fuck. . it’s cute how you’re so desperate for me, when you’re normally nothing like this. ,”, he whispered between breaths. “What a dirty girl.”, that’s not even true, it’s his fault that he makes you feel good?!

When you manifested your second release nearing, he wasn’t falling behind. With the last deep thrust, he emptied all his load inside of you, while yours was slightly spilling out around his cock. As he was looking down in heavy breaths, he chuckled again, leaning down to your ear.

“—Seems like you’re leaking, we can’t have that now, can we?”

DAZAI OSAMU, CHUUYA NAKAHARA, FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY, Nikolai Gogol, JOUNO SAIGIKU, Tetchou Suehiro, Akutagawa Ryunosuke, Odasaku Sakunosuke [+] all your fav! Characters !!

(y’all, it’s 2am rn.)

[letteredlettered]

Related to your last post: For me tumblr would work better as a community site if there was a function that would hide reblogs of the same posts. I get overwhelmed if I follow more than ten people in the same fandom because of the repeating posts. With work and everything else, I don't have the hours to find the original things people are saying. Reddit works better sometimes except the subreddits often have very surface level discussions with high amount of newcomers asking the same questions and the topics are quite limited. Maybe I should just try if there is life on Dreamwidth :P

This ask is a response to this post I made about feedback to fic and fandom community.

Anon, I agree 100% regarding the difficulties of tumblr for discussion that builds community. If you're following this discussion, than you may have already seen these follow-ups:

@eleadore added their thoughts about preserving reader spaces in a reblog here

@yiiiiiiiikes25 added thoughts similar to yours re tumblr's poor functionality as a community space here

@thehoneybeet added to the post that sparked my post here, about how to foster the kind of community we're all saying we want.

I'm linking these posts because I want to call attention to them; I think they're great. But I'm linking them in response to you specifically because yes there are multiple vectors to this problem--the web enshittification I described in my post, the splintering of fandom after the death of livejournal, and the difficulty of tumblr as a venue.

But it's that last, the difficulty of tumblr as a venue, that means that even like-minded people who want the community we're discussing can't really have it. Some went to, and are still on, dreamwidth. Frankly, I still find myself deeply irritated that fandom didn't move there, that it accepted AO3 and not DW. But I think a large factor in that particular exodus actually has to do with the fact that AO3 is closer to the direction the enshittified web went than DW ever could be. AO3 has a "like" button and is not built for deep, meaningful interaction. Again, this is because it was meant to be a limb of the fandom community, not replace community entirely. I'm not claiming that AO3 is enshittified but rather that it bears more similarity to current social media sites because it's only one part of a community that was at the time, thriving (yes, in spite of strikethrough and everything that was happening on LJ at the time).

In my opinion, tumblr straddles the divide between that old style of community website and the new one. Like livejournal and DW, you can view tumblr chronologically, without an algorithm feeding you content. You can remain anonymous, and everyone can see anything you post. But like other more modern social media sites, you can reblog and like, which you couldn't do on LJ and DW. The fact that tumblr is sort of both--and that it wasn't sold to the Russians and torn apart, like LJ--is why fandom fled here and why scattered pieces of it remain here, despite so many others moving on.

One thing I wanted to talk about in my original post, but couldn't find a place for, was how so much of the "community" aspects of fandom are now private. I think that's happened partly because tumblr isn't a great place to hold a conversation, so the conversation quickly gets moved elsewhere--but instead of somewhere where everyone is still welcome (ahem, like Dreamwidth), it gets moved to private spaces. Or the conversation never starts and exists only in the kinds of spaces meant for such things.

@thehoneybeet makes great points about this in the post I linked above. They mention "the invite-only server, the private ao3 challenge, groups and experiences that you need to be in-the-know about to even begin to participate in. that, essentially, require an invitation."

@eleadore mentions it at the beginning of their reblog (also linked above), saying, "i feel discussions of this nature have been severely crippled over the yrs, and people prefer to take to private group chats and such instead of engaging [...]" But they go on to mention "private discord book club servers."

To be clear, I'm 100% with @eleadore about the necessity for spaces for readers, and also 100% with them at the idea that there can be spaces authors don't have to touch. Writers don't "deserve" to hear every single thing anyone's ever said about their fic, positive or negative. Earlier this year I in fact made an impassioned post about the fact that I believe that bookmarks are for readers, not writers, and that making them a space purely for an author's comfort limits the functionality of bookmarks for readers, both in terms of finding fic but also in terms of finding friends.

So, yes, I agree that it's okay to have private discord book club servers. But the mention of discord did make me do a double-take, because in my opinion, discord is a huge part of what I perceive as the problem. You can't find a discord for your chosen fandom by searching discord. You have to have the link. Even if the discord isn't invite-only--which many of them are, you can usually only get the link by knowing someone.

There are all kinds of reasons for why discord is so private. Discords are run by mods, who feel responsible for what happens to people in spaces for which they are responsible. And mods who take a laissez-faire "everyone just do what they want" approach often have servers dominated by people who make the environment difficult, sometimes through racism, sometimes through bullying, sometimes by constantly bringing up traumatic or triggering content, sometimes just by making everything about them all the time. It's not like lj or even tumblr, where you can just unfollow. You're kind of stuck, unless you've got a mod who is policing vigorously, which is a huge job and impossible to do in ways that will make everyone happy. It's just easier if you don't have anyone and everyone wandering through.

I hate that. It makes me want to throw things. To me, fandom is about a space that's for anyone and everyone. You shouldn't have to know someone to get to have discussions about the thing you love. That's not why I'm here. In fact, in some ways I'm in fandom to get away from that kind of bullshit, so I don't have to construct some kind of social persona that is palatable enough to be accepted. I'm hear to talk about blorbos and read porn, maybe write a thing or two. A private discord book club made intentionally as a safe space for readers is a great use for discord. But discord as a place for fandom actually makes me feel a little ill.

I don't have a good suggestion of where fandom community should be built. To me, the best place is dreamwidth, and I think that after fifteen years, I really need to give up on the idea that enough people will move there (in this economy????) to really get the numbers you need to be able to find the people with whom you really click and connect. When tumblr tried to ban nudes, a lot of people talked up other possibilities--and some people went, to Mastadon, to pillowfort, even to twitter and IG. But those spaces all have their downsides, and none of them have the critical mass to be a real fandom home. As before, I have no conclusions about this. I just wanted to highlight some other aspects of this problem and describe some other food for thought.

[swanimagines]

HEALING TOUCH | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: When you catch a sight of a wounded Kaz, it leads to somewhat sweet moment between you and your boss.

The night had gone sour for Kaz Brekker. He had been stupid, not expecting the new gang having gathered so many members already. He had fought them off successfully, of course, but not without receiving a nasty gash over his lip. 

And now he was making his way towards the Slat, wanting to disappear into his room without anyone noticing. Last thing he wanted right now was someone asking about the gash, asking if he was alright. He was in a bad mood anyway, so someone trying to fuss over him would only make him feel angrier. But of course luck wasn’t on his side, and he was met with you right when he walked in from the doors.

“Kaz? What happened to you?” you asked, eyes widening in concern as you took a few steps towards him, staring at the gash.

“It’s nothing,” Kaz replied curtly, trying to push you off and start walking past you.

“Nothing? Kaz, it looks painful, it needs disinfecting and stitches,” you insisted, but Kaz just took a glance at you, continuing to make his way towards the stairs.

“I said it’s nothing,” he repeated, clearly increasingly frustrated. “I can treat it myself.”

You sighed, clearly not letting it go. Saints, it was one of your features Kaz had a hate-love relationship with. Every time you showed you cared, he felt his feelings for you grow, and he absolutely hated that feeling.

“Kaz, please. Let me treat it. At least disinfecting it and putting some ointment over it. You want to keep your lips safe and intact, don’t you?” you pleaded, trying to catch his eyes.

Kaz paused and pursed his lips, hesitating for a moment but finally relenting. “Fine. But make it quick,” he grumbled, following you into your room.

You quickly got into work the moment you got him to sit on your armchair, pouring alcohol into a small glass bowl and dipping a small towel into it

“This will sting,” you mumbled, taking a better hold of the towel before you carefully dapped the lip. Kaz squeezed his eyes shut and took in a sharp breath through his nose, trying to silence corpses wailing in his head.

She’s alive, she’s alive, she’s alive.

“I heard one of the street vendors talking about the ship at the third harbor, it will arrive next week. It sounded pretty interesting,” you muttered, and Kaz opened his eyes, looking at you. He didn’t even register what you said at first, but you continued with your eyes still trained on the wound, “there’s supposed to be some valuables in that ship. Paintings and small statues made of gold at least. Probably jewelry too. Could be worth snatching.”

Kaz’s mind started to catch up with your words, and he managed to make himself reply, “Could be worth looking into. Did they mention anything about security?”

You nodded, dipping another towel in another glass bowl with something sticky and yellow. “Yeah. Stadwatch has increased their patrols for a few nights - stay still for me - and there’s some traps around the ship’s hold too. Might be tricky. That has to dry up for a moment, it may tickle but don’t try to scratch it.”

You sat back on your own chair, and you two stared at each other for a while. Only then Kaz realised you had already treated his lip and you smirked at his expression briefly, before you sighed.

“You know, Kaz, you don’t have to act so tough all the time. It’s okay to ask for help, let someone take care of you if you need it.”

“I don’t need anyone taking care of me,” Kaz barked.

“I know. But sometimes it’s nice to know someone cares,” you said with a soft smile, the one Kaz could never understand why you were looking at him like that.

“I don’t need anyone’s pity,” he mumbled.

“It’s not pity. It’s caring. And I care about you,” you said, your hand reaching for him slightly. Kaz pulled away instinctively even though he knew you weren’t attempting to touch him, and you dropped your hand. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

You sat there for a while, his eyes meeting yours. You caught something going past his eyes, just a flicker of something you couldn’t quite place. And Kaz’s head was going through a swirl of mixed thoughts.

I care about you too. If I could, I would hold your hand. I would let you close, I would tell you everything.

But instead of saying any of those things or anything that would even point that way, he stood up. “I should go,” he then said, as if nothing had happened.

You watched him leave, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness. Sometimes you cursed yourself for falling for a man like him, always fearing he’d break your heart in the end. But still, each passing day, your feelings for him just grew, and you just wished he would let you in, or at least would show a clear sign whether he likes you or not.

So once again, you wondered what the future held for you and Kaz. Would it ever get sorted out? Would he ever open up to anyone, you or someone else? Or would he always remain a mystery, out of reach, closed off?

Only time would tell.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[vivalarevolution]

𝓜𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓓𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓵

Devil Aemond Targaryen x Witch Reader

Summary: She wanted power and control , and she was determined to do anything to get it. She knew exactly how far she had to go and what she had to sacrifice to make devil himself appear and turn her dreams into reality.

A/N: There was a lot of inspiration from novels and series with witchcraft and witches, so there may be darker askpets in this work, as well as a slight devil worship. So if you are not comfortable with that , you are forewarned. Nevertheless , I hope you all will like the idea and as usual you will enjoy reading it. Please remember that english is not my native language, mistakes may happen.

Work contains smut , minors do not interact.

He stood before her. A fallen angel. The dark lord. The devil himself.

He was tall and lean, but behind the layer of blood she could see the muscles that tightened with every breath he took. His long hair had been tainted with a scarlet substance, but she could still see their silvery whiteness. One of his eyes was violet while a sapphire stone glowed in the other. He had long face which was decorated with a scar, but it only made him more handsome in her eyes.

There was a darkness around his person , a feeling of danger.

But despite this, she stood before him , staring at him. She did not fall to her knees before him , she did not bow , she just stood , silently watching the former God's soldier , who stared at her just as intensely.

-You came - she whispered after a moment , approaching him slowly.

-You called - he replied , smiling smugly , when he noticed how the woman looked at him , how she fought to control the trembling of her body.

The man allowed her fingers to brush against his pale torso, where his heart was hidden, taking pleasure in her curiosity , which seemed to grow by the second, with each newly touched patch of his skin.

-How should I call you? - she asked , leveling her gaze with him.

Suddenly he grabbed her wrist , that was touching his human flesh.

-You have called me , and yet you do not know my name? - he said, pulling her close to him, so close that their lips were almost touching, and their breaths mingled.

-You have many names and many forms - she replied , resting her free hand on his shoulder to try and push him away , but in vain.

The devil took one last look at her before his attention shifted to the witch's wrist, the same one he held in an iron grip, the same one he kissed extremely tenderly, leaving an electrifying feeling behind.

-Aemond - he muttered after a brief moment , his mouth moving upward, kissing her blood-stained fingertips - You will call me Aemond , little witch.

-Aemond - she repeated, tasting his name on her tongue.

-Again - he growled , embracing her around the waist , making her black , lace dress slowly become covered in crimson.

-Aemond - she whispered , looking at him , but his attention was focused on her full , soft lips.

-Tell me my beautiful Y/n- he murmured , catching her chin between his fingers, pulling her towards him again ,letting her addictive scent delude his senses -Tell me what you desire , and I will give it to you.

-You know my name? - she asked, but there was no surprise nor intrigue, which made the white-haired devil even more crazy about mortal woman.

-How could I not know the name of the witch who sacrificed so many innocent lives so that I could come down to earth? -he remarked, smiling tauntingly, out of the corner of his eye looking at the window, reminding her of the bodies lying in the forest deep in the ground and the sea of blood that she shed - I'll aks you one more time, what is it that you want? -he repeated himself, sliding his thumb over her lower lip , staining it with blood.

-I want Salem, I want it all for myself - she confessed without a shadow of hesitation in her voice.

-I'll give you Salem. I'll give you a town from the edge of the world, and with it all the miserable lives that are in it - he said - But I won't do it for free - he confessed, and the woman widened her eyes in disbelief and irritation, which she did not manage to hide from the man before her.

-I called you on Black Sunday. I have performed the ritual. I shed the blood of the pure and innocent so that you can stand here before me in a body of flesh and bone. I gave you all I could give. What more do you want? - she wondered , furrowing her eyebrows in an act of displeasure, which amused the devil.

-You- replied Aemond , stroking her cheekbone with his thumb -I want you to become Queen of the Night. I want you to rule at my side in hell as my beloved and as my bride. I want...to have you.

-Why me? -she asked, pushing him away moments later-What is so compelling about me that the devil himself wants to have me?

The woman looked at him expectantly, but he remained silent for a long time, trying to get close to her again, which resulted in her slowly moving back with every step he took towards her, playing a game of cat and mouse with him.

-Everything my beautiful Y/n - announced the king of hell , still following her silhouette , almost like a predator followed after its prey -I know your thoughts , your dreams , and your goals. When you made a pact with me, you let me see the darkness you hid inside your soul. The darkness that made me crazy about you - he growled , grabbing her by her forearm, pulling her toward him to trap her in his strong arms once again.

The young woman looked into his violet eye before her gaze focused on his scar. Her hand involuntarily lifted upward the tips of her fingers touched the thickened tissue , tracing its path.

Her act seemed to have no deeper purpose, but this was not true. That scar and that sapphire hidden in his eye socket spoke of the fact that someone had once defeated him, leaving him crippled and betrayed. And she knew that the devil was as vengeful as he was powerful and that no one would go unpunished as long as he existed.

And the witch needed this , she needed her own black knight ready to kneel at her feet.

-If that's what I have to do to get what I want - she purred like a cat, bringing her face closer to his -Then make me your queen - she whispered into his mouth , brushing them gently with every word she spoke.

Aemond growled lowly at her words , clenching his large hands on her waist before he attacked her soft, pink lips.

His body was hot against hers, giving her the impression that she was being burned alive, but despite this she did not move away from him, entangling her fingers between strands of his white hair, pulling at them and drawing him closer as he tore her dress off her shoulders, leaving her only in a black velvet choker with an obsidian crystal hanging lazily in the middle.

-Now you belong to me - he said , grabbing her neck and pulling her away from him -Your body and soul are mine. For all eternity - he muttered into her swollen lips.

-Yours. All yours - woman declared quietly, trying to reunite their lips in a fiery, passionate kiss, only to have the man's rough fingers tighten on her throat.

Devil laughed as he observed her actions.

The witch in front of him seemed so cold, yet one touch from him was enough for lust to take over her mortal mind.

She was almost like an enigma to him , but it didn't frustrate him , oh no , on the contrary. He was pleased with this fact , pleased that his new toy wasn't so easily broken.

But he decided to try break her anyway.

He pushed her body against a nearby wall , hovering over her almost immediately. Still avoiding her sweet lips , which called out to him , he kissed her ample breasts , going lower and lower , marking every , possible patch of her firm skin , until his tongue found it's place between her swollen and wet folds.

He tasted her as if she were the sweetest of desserts, causing her to let out a loud, erotic and lustful moan. Her fingers once again found their way into his long hair as she w writhe in convulsions of pleasure that the devil himself was giving her. His movements were precise and bestial at the same time, making the knot of her lower abdomen burst pathetically fast and impossibly intense drenching his face with her juices, which only made him more feral.

Aemond joined their lips in a sensual kiss , placing his hands on her thighs , lifting her in one , sure movement , as if she weighed as much as the feather itself.

Laying her down on the soft mattress , he did not even for a moment move away from her addictive lips , which so soft and sweet stimulated his senses . His hands, soon after, began to roam over the witch's delicate body , exploring every inch of her immaculate flesh just as his lips had done moments ago.

-Please - she panted - Please don't make me wait any longer.

The man leveled his gaze with her. Her eyes were misty and her lips were slightly parted. Her hair scattered over the red satin was almost arranged in a halo giving her an angelic appearance.

-Even if God himself offered me the kingdom of heaven, I would not be able to refuse you, my beautiful Y/n - he replied, tearing the leather pants he wore.

The witch let out a loud, uncontrollable moan when she finally felt him inside her, filling her, warming her body like a fire , which instead of burning gave her nothing but pleasure. Their sweat quickly turned into one as he moved inside her and as their naked and bloody bodies rubbed against each other creating the smell of sex that was so intoxicating, the two lovers couldn't pull away from each other. His mouth practically devoured those of the mortal woman, pulling away only to breathe after their heavy, wet and hot caresses. As Aemond began to pound into her harder, deeper and faster, the young woman's legs involuntarily began to shake, betraying how close to the end she was , and her hands, as if having a mind of their own, went to his back, driving her nails into his milky skin.

They were unappeased , passionate and almost brutal in their movements , making their act a sweet torture that went on and on , never stoping. Not even as night turned into day , and day turned into night again. They remained in each other's embrace , becoming more and more addicted to each other.

[thebibutterflyao3]

"Psychic"

@pandalilymicrofics - 1350 words

part eight - part nine - part ten

Lily locked the office door behind her and waved to Remus as he walked toward the bus stop. He wouldn’t have to wait for long. Per usual, James’s red Chevrolet Equinox flew around the corner at top speed, screeching to a halt at the kerb before Remus even reached the bench. He waved at Lily as he hopped out to open the passenger door. 

“Do you need a ride, Lils?” James offered, as he always did, accepting Remus’s cane as he climbed in. “I cleaned out the back seat.”

“No, thanks. I have a few errands to run on the way home.” Lily ignored the uneasy feeling in her gut. She hated how stilted their interactions were now, but had accepted that the intimacy between them was gone.

She waved them off when Remus began to protest. He didn’t understand why she had to separate herself fully from James, as they were all friends first, but it was a matter of principle. Lily refused to depend on James anymore than she already did. The house was paid off and that was more than enough. She was determined to prove to herself that she could live independently. 

Besides, she hadn’t lied. She did have errands to run. Harry stayed with James Thursday through Saturday, which gave her three days each week to pretend she had a social life while actually running errands and finishing chores she hadn’t had time for earlier in the week. 

Lily strode purposefully down the street, ignoring the comments from smokers outside of a restaurant about how she “looked like a good ride” and “was made for it.” She knew that she looked good in her aubergine suit and heels, and she certainly didn’t need the approval of dirty old men. Although, had the hecklers been cheeky masc lesbians, it may have given her an ego boost. Let’s face it. The world would be a far better place with more sapphics in it.

She turned a sharp corner to avoid a dog walker with a dozen or so clients dragging her down the pavement, and came face to face with the last person she wanted to see. What was it about this day in particular that prompted fate to put Barty Crouch, Jr. in her path not once, but twice. Surely her luck wasn’t this terrible.

“I knew you’d run back to me eventually, Lilibet,” Barty teased, catching her around the biceps. “You missed me, haven’t you?”

“Can’t say I have, no.” Lily carefully extracted herself from his grasp and stepped back. “Strange, finding you right here at this time. Isn’t it? You’re either psychic or stalking me.”

Barty held his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey! You can’t prove anything. No evidence, no crime.”

“Is that your new catch phrase? It's lame,” she replied, hitching her purse higher on her shoulder. “Now, get out of my way. I don’t repeat my mistakes.”

His jovial grin vanished. “That’s rich coming from a twice divorced mum.”

Lily knew his games far too well, even if she hadn’t played in a while. He wanted a reaction. “Neither of my divorces were a mistake, Barty. They were a choice.”

“Lost your sense of humour too, I see.” Barty’s narrowed eyes skimmed over her body, then flicked back up to her face. Suddenly, his demeanour relaxed. “It’s disturbing how fit you look in a suit."

“What do you want?” she asked sharply, looking away. 

Barty scoffed, “Just a moment of your time, but apparently you can’t spare it for someone you ran out on.”

Lily squared her shoulders and glared at him, keeping her voice calm. “I did everything I could to keep you above water, but I won’t apologise for saving myself when you were intent on taking both of us down.”

“Eh, shove your metaphors up your arse. I don’t want to hear it,” he sneered. Then, Barty pointed at her and said, “Nah, here’s a better one. You replaced me with a puppet, a brainless fool that let you pull his strings.”

A cruel smile slipped free as Lily leaned into Barty’s space. In her heels, she was nearly eye to eye with him. “That ‘brainless fool’ was at the top of his class, played rugby and rowed professionally until his parents retired, owns an international pharmaceuticals company, and still competes in regattas every year. That man was an upgrade, you jealous wanker. What have you accomplished in the last eighteen years?”

“If he’s so bloody perfect, why did you divorce him?” Barty shot back, eyes wild.

“Because I’m not.” With that, Lily stepped around him and power-walked down the pavement. The fury she’d kept under wraps for so long was beginning to bleed through. I said what needed to be said. It’s time to walk away. 

Barty had that effect on people. He could rile up anyone with little effort. So long as he knew which buttons to push, a few well placed insinuations were likely to set off fireworks. Then, he’d either fan the flames or turn smug and watch them burn.

“Wait! Lilibet, come on!” Barty chased after her, the chains hanging from his belt clanging noisily. He matched her stride rather than attempt to stop her. “I shouldn’t have brought him into it, alright? That’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s not, but when has that ever stopped you?”

Barty darted in front of her and began walking backwards, trying to catch her eye. “How many times have I reached out since you left? I could have, but I didn’t. I respected your choice. That doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you.”

“You’re wasting your time,” she said, chin lifted defiantly, “and mine.”

“Alright, alright! I’m not here to hit on you, though if it will help…” Barty trailed off, then back-tracked. “Stop distracting me, Lilibet, I’m here for Evan. You have to hire him.”

Then, before she could respond, he held up both hands again. “Here me out before you bite my head off. I wouldn’t ask for myself, but he needs this. His family’s shite, like mine. You know what that was like.”

Lily shoved him aside when a cyclist blew past them, then slowed her pace. “Turn around, you twat.”

Barty returned to her side, though he shuffled along sideways. “Look, he has a twin sister and Evan wants to be here for her. Even though he’d never admit it, he needed to get out of his parents’ grip.”

“I already offered him a job, Barty. The pay is good, and if he can keep up, I’ll hire him full time in three months. That’s the best I can do,” she said pointedly. “I won’t let you push me any further. Take the win and piss off.”

“You swear? You’re not holding him back because of me?”

Enough is enough. This has already gone on too far.

Lily stopped abruptly and shoved Barty against a shop. He grunted when his back hit the brick wall. She grabbed his chin roughly and forced him to look her in the eye. “Do not mistake pity for fondness, Bartemius. I may have interviewed him at your request, but I didn’t hire him for you. I hired Rosier on his merits. So, if you’d like him to stay employed…Piss. Off.”

Barty sighed heavily and let his head fall back. “You don’t know how I’ve missed you, Lilibet.”

“Yeah? How sad for you.” Lily patted his cheek a little too hard, then turned away. “Stay away from me, Crouch.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he snarked, smacking the wall as he pushed off of it. 

Lily felt surprisingly calm as she walked away. She’d dreaded the pull of nostalgia when they came face to face again, it was inevitable that he’d track her down, but no part of her wanted Barty back. If nothing else, this little confrontation confirmed what she already knew. She was truly done. He hadn’t changed a whit, but she had. Fools who don’t learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them.

[batteredrugosa]

On Halsin and ducks...

@autistichalsin posted something earlier today about epilogue Halsin and as a result I have been thinking about Halsin and his love of ducks and how generally great I think he is all day. As such, I have dribbled a drabble about it. Here are Tash and Halsin getting to know each other a little bit on their first night in the underdark.

--,-'--@ @--,-'- --,-'--@ @--,-'- --,-'--@ @--,-'-

The fire burned low but steady, coals glowing and perfect for cooking the slow stewing of the porridge that Gale had made from the last of the bag of dried peas. The glowing mushrooms of the Underdark did not in any way resemble stars, but Tash loved them anyway. Their ambient glow reminded her of home and of her order and the light made for a lovely and colorful cast to an otherwise dark night.

The monk sat with Halsin by the fire, splitting a pot of tea between them while he shaved thin slivers of wood from the back of his latest carving and she tossed her still damp hair, drying it in front of the flames. It was the first time since he joined them after the Tiefling's celebration that Tash had been able to take the time to really talk with the stoic druid. Until now, most of the time had been spent on  strategy and research for the battles to come. She sent a tendril of thought towards Astarion, off making the rounds during the evening watch, and felt his calm reassurance of all quiet darling in return. 

"What are you making?" She peered past the small curved blade resting against Halsin's palm to study the bit of wood.  He was  working over a slightly curved surface in small economical motions, leaving a repeating texture behind. Maybe scales? Or feathers? 

"It's a duck.  I like ducks." She nodded, open and interested, as she leaned closer, shifting to keep from blocking the light. 

"Oh, those are feathers then.  What sort of duck is it?  do you have a favorite?" Halsin's hands stilled and he sat back turning to look at her more directly.  The furrow of concentration in his brow shifted, deepened to one of confusion, or maybe suspicion? Tash let her shoulders relax and widened her smile in response. The big elf had the kindest eyes, but he always seemed a little bit apart from the others, and she wanted him to feel at ease with her. 

"A favorite duck?"  he asked, tentative. She nodded.

"I don't know much about ducks myself, but I am ever so fond of spiders and there are legions of kinds.  I'm sure you have at least one favorite duck." She pulled her almost dry hair over her shoulder and began to braid it into its usual long tail,  mostly to keep her hands busy. 

Halsin's low humming sigh was full of thought. "If I had to chose one, I would have to say the loxoran. They are a hearty breed found in swamps and wetlands near my family's home.  I often saw them in the marsh as a child, and my very first pet was a Loxori chick who lost it's mother.  They have a lovely iridescent coat of feathers, green and purple on black.  And they lay black eggs, that lighten over the breeding season, fading to  soft grey by the end of winter months." The druid paused, a flash of worry darkening his eyes again, shoulders tensing just slightly. 

Tashryn grinned up at him and shook the end of her purple and black braid back and forth. "I may be biased, but black and grey and purple sounds absolutely lovely. Are they dimorphic? Or are they all wearing such evening tones?" Halsin's brow raised, surprised by the question, and his slow smile spread across his features, lighting his eyes with joy.  He began to expound about ducks with great detail, and Tash felt an upswelling of fondness warming her heart.

[sabrondabrainrot]

It's tinfoil hat times I have more observations for eagle eyes listeners (yes a Nightvale ref)

This will contain spoilers for recent TSAMS and LAES!

I gotta go to bed so I won't be able to contain everything but just some stuff I noticed recently and something I've been thinking about.

I won't be as organized as usual, warning spoilers below!

Picking apart what Dark Sun said and did...he used the word expunge. I don't know if this is problem of VA's picking a word that sounds cool...or they picked it know what it means? Expunge is a word that means 'to remove', 'delete', 'strike from the record'. So...why would he collect data on Sun's choice to kill Nexus and expunge that across the multiverse? Why would deleting that make Suns turn on Moons? I'm too tired to think about it past this but...it's interesting. What if D!Sun did delete something?

The biggest thing between Sun and choosing to kill...its his love and trust...but I wonder how Sun's decision to choose the greater good and his family would delete something? That sparkle nighttime Sun was beating his Moon while crying that he hated him...but did he actually? How can we know? I can't wait to find out more about the entire Sun on Moon violence. D!Sun said it was his hate for Nexus but that's not the case...because Sun himself stated he still can't get himself to hate Nexus. We also know, the only reason Sun's magic worked was because of what Ruin did...so I think my theory about the NSP and SP interacting to possibly make Nexus into a new being still stands. D!Sun knew Ruin planted that device when he made Sun choose.

I feel like history just keeps repeating itself where Sun's choices will never be choices and his decision will always be made for him. Moving into more stuff! The recent episodes omigod!!! Moon! He finally stepped up! I still have many things to point out though. I was talking in @goodolddumbbanana dms because like...we're both still disappointed by the episodes...(I won't type the entire dms cause like I want banana to do their piece too without me speaking over them)

When Moon talked to Sun at the pier, he still managed to make it about himself. Did anyone else notice that? He turned it into his normal "I hate myself" routine. He proceeded to let Sun know he's the best brother ever...but Sun just...I don't think he believes it. Even if Lunar and Earth also both tell him that. Even Solar. He just won't believe it.

Looking at how Sun's entire...existence has gone, it's pretty understandable why he'd think and feel this way.

He hasn't been shown by his family (except Earth) he's the best so why would he believe it? Especially coming from Moon who's done nothing but lie to him and break promises. Moon stepped up but...was acting annoyed to take care of Sun. He just was acting like he was ready to get stuff over with. Then...When Sun finally asked the million dollar question. "Did you hate me? Do you hate me?" He's always been asking that and never got a straight answer. Moon has always acted like he really did hate him in the past. Worst of all? Moon told Sun he did.

He told his emotionally beaten brother who's soul is shattered, that 'Yes Sun, I did hate you'...Moon...being honest in this particular situation...I don't think it's the best idea.

Moon, to an emotionally unstable - highly fragile - Sun, basically confirmed Sun's darkest fear. The soul deep ache Sun feels. It's not...gratifying...Sun may now have closure that 'wow he treated me like that because he did hate me' but the big issues with this? Moon has not really changed how he treats Sun. He stopped physically hurting him but he still hurts him. In small ways. We saw that first hand in the last few eps. He left to avoid Sun entirely. He broke promise after promise. He'd rather throw himself a pity party then buck up and just be there for Sun.

Sun always leads with the best intentions. He tells Moon he loves him. He encourages him. He builds him up. (I think i've said this before lol)

Then we get the MVP Earth ep. That episode was honest to God beautiful. Earth is an amazing sister and Kat knocked it out of the ball park with her vocal performance today. She put in so much emotion. I like how Earth's breaking point wasn't her taking care of Dazzle or Sun. Her breaking point was how her family was treating her and Sun like shit. They both left them to their own devices. It was so sad. I was wondering when they kept showing Solar who was taking care of Sun and honestly it makes so much sense it was Earth.

Then in the same episode she said Lunar is acting strange. I'm going to be honest, I know exactly why Lunar is acting mad at Earth.

I don't get a ton of opportunity to talk about Lunar. In the recent episodes his sorest spot was prodded by Taurus. Taurus is basically telling him to get over himself.

Which...I don't agree with how Gemini and Taurus are going about it. Letting go of your hate and hurt is so important but them just telling Lunar to do it isn't going to work. He needs to be taught how to.

So why is Lunar mad at Earth? Never forget, Lunar hasn't developed much he's still a very selfish immature person. He's mad at Earth he's stagnating. He's blaming her for his stunted emotional growth. He chose to numb himself to deal with his emotions and if he admits that was wrong then it'd be a long time of wasted efforts. He would have so many regrets if he admits he's been doing everything wrong.

After all, If Lunar wasn't so apathetic about N!Moon would he have made a difference in him becoming Nexus? (No, but Lunar could be thinking about that)

Lunar, I believe, is blaming Earth for not 'fixing' him. He doesn't understand he needs to want to change himself for it to happen. (it's the same thing for Moon, he knows he's flawed but has given up on improving) I think Lunar just kind of assumed Earth was supposed to automatically make him better with him not doing any work himself.

Then the crux of why he's mad at Earth.

It's simple.

She's friends with Eclipse.

That's really what it is.

Think about it, he hates Eclipse. Eclipse is now in the front of his mind to the point he's acting odd and watching Nutella ads for hours. He's trying to mute his rage. What Taurus and Gemini said would anger anyone.

Telling a victim to not only get over their abuse but also get along with their abuser? It's plain wrong. Lunar has the right to hate Eclipse, the only problem is that it is harming him. Hatred will always be someone's undoing. It is a negative, putrid thing that only destroys.

He's been shoving his emotions down for so long they're bound to explode. I know Lunar loves Sun and wants to be there for him but he's been apathetic for so long now he can't. So he's lashing out and projecting his own self anger onto Earth. She's right there after all.

Solar is basically acting like a keeper to everyone and despite doing better for Sun, Solar is still emotionally distant. Moon physically isn't there. Lunar won't lash out at Monty. He won't take his frustration out on kids like Dazzle and Jack.

Earth is also just...too nice. So yeah, I absolutely understand why Lunar is angry at Earth. He's being totally unfair and immature about it too, because it's not like there's other problems, ie Sun is literally broken and can't leave bed.

but I digress, I like that Moon is stepping up. I just hope he doesn't keep dropping the ball. I think Sun right now truly doesn't think Moon cares...Moon is going to have to do a lot to show him otherwise. I'm glad Lunar finally checked on Sun and I hope he does it more often, because Sun loves Lunar too. He loves the entire family. Earth was right to cry about how they were failing Sun.

I'm really proud of Earth and Solar for stepping up to help Sun.

[mutantceri]

Research Note 251: Lines West

This may not pertain to our work directly, but it definitely pertains to how it affects our patients, so IMHO, it counts.

It's yearly conference time, and this year, I had to take the train home. I haven't done it in the last 3 years because I've carpooled. Well, all alone this year, planes are out of the question, and the cars in the shop. (I had a little oopsie with my tail's scales and the upholstery…)

Which brings me to my point. I never thought about how our patients would have to adapt to public transit until now. Once they're end of treatment, most would never have to take it again. But all through the process? Well, let's just use my experience and what I've observed.

So I get on the train at Penn Station. As is my new norm, I'm being stared at the entire time in the metro lounge (perks of spending my life savings on a bedroom on the train). When we go down to board, my hands have difficulty fitting the handrails to get in the car's door. I haven't grown much in height, but my 'paws' sure have.

I turn down the hall and, surprise, even with my little f'd up wings, I barely fit, sideways or frontways. I slammed my hand against the wall and frustratedly contorted myself through the door. I set down my two bags, and as I turn to sit, a cow passes behind me with her friend. A cow, at the end of her treatment. So, effectively, a cow. I poke my head back out the door and watch this poor girl try and make the turn in the hallway. Her friend ended up having to push her around the corner. Between the few words and angered moo's, I felt bad. All I had was a little discomfort, they had a whole experience. They ended up in the larger 'family' bedroom for… obvious reasons.

Once we got underway, I was able to actually enjoy the trip. The trees and towns passing by as the light flashed across my muzzle was nice. What wasn't nice, was trying to fit all 6'2" with 4ft of tail me inside this itty bitty bathroom when it was finally time. I really didn't want to know how it felt to be packaged like an action figure, but here we are. The day passed, and I started to feel a bit normal again. So, when dinner came, I decided to go eat in the dining car. I… figured out a way to sit in the booth, sideways. Due to space, everyone gets sat in every available space. The cow's friend sat across from me while she waited to take their food back to their room. They had decided to take one more trip before "they went off to live on a farm upstate." But actually, they were. That's where their end-of-care program was. A petting zoo upstate from where they lived. "Sounds perfect! So you can still go and hang out!" She excitedly nodded as her food came. "Pasta, and the double salad for my friend! Perfect!" She ran back down the car, as my steak came out. Unfortunately, I couldn't maneuver the silverware. I was really frustrated real fast, so the entire car got to watch me two-finger pinch the steak, and sling it down like a shot of whisky. Perks of having a long neck and sharp teefies. But, when the other dragon does it with fish, everyone gets hard. When I do it, I get "oh my god, what the hell?" and asked to leave. I enjoyed the night, being able to get lulled to sleep. I spread my wings out as best I could, and cuddled my tail as the red lights flashed by. Morning came too fast, and I awoke to rustling in the room beside me. The others were getting off way ahead of me. And trying to get a cow down the stairs… well… the conductor wasn't prepared for the endeavor. After shoving her out into the vestibule, they essentially had to push her back and down the stairs, holding her front hooves so her chin didn't smash the stairs. They finally got down, their bags collected, and clear of the train. They stopped to wave at the train leaving, and I really hope they saw me waving back. Even tried flapping my broken lil wing for the first time in a while. My leaving was a repeat of my entering the car. Bump here, bump there, squeeze out and nearly tripping down the stairs. But, it was worth the experience. I think we take for granted that the people who operate things like this work with therians, as we are a very fringe and unique case. Maybe one day, things will be more accessible. For most, the point is to get away from everything humans deal with, especially the discomforts of travel.

But for some, these discomforts are just as enjoyable as being themselves. And the compromise, well worth it. Maybe I'll take the train next year, too. -Ceri

(Story and character inspired by Penny and her Bovine HRT story! Find her here: https://www.tumblr.com/pennymations @pennymations https://x.com/pennscrypt)

[louisupdates]

By Marcelo Fernández Bitar [translated from Spanish]

In just over 24 hours, Louis Tomlinson passed through Buenos Aires and caused a commotion, with hundreds of fans crowding at the door of his hotel singing and shouting his name, and also occupying almost the entire block where there is a FM radio station where he went to give an interview.

The fanaticism generated with his solo career by the former singer of One Direction in Argentina is so great that in fact he will give a recital in the same stadium where he was in 2014 with the mega-boy band. It will be on May 18 in Vélez Sarsfield.

Louis Tomlinson already has two solo albums and is touring the world presenting the most recent, Faith in the Future. It came out in November 2022 and surprised with his most rocky sound, close to the Brit-pop of his beloved Oasis, and less pop. It was number one in England and three singles came out, Bigger Than Me, Out of My System and Silver Tongues.

Hurricane Louis

The visit was really fleeting with the purpose of promoting his show next month, the old-fashioned way, when the artists toured the countries to advertise albums or tours, something they currently do on Zoom or with posts on their official accounts.

Louis arrived on Friday night and spent Saturday fulfilling an intense schedule of activities, to leave early the next day.

First he went to the Vélez football field for a television interview which will be televised later by TN, and then he went to the radio station Los 40 Principales, where his fans filled the entire Gorriti street, between Ravignani and Arévalo, to witness an interview where eight listeners joined to ask him a question each.

He finally arrived at 4 p.m. at the Four Seasons hotel, where hundreds of other fans were screaming for him. There he gave a series of reports and chatted with Clarín in a room equipped as a small television set, with lights and a set with his name and the cover of the disc.

"Never, not for a second, did I think I would be going through some of the same experiences," he said, "that I was lucky enough to live in the band. I thought that was something unique. So being able to come here and feel the level of love and the incredible reaction on today's radio station, means a lot to me. When I imagined what my solo career would be like, I really didn't know what to expect.

Re-filling stadiums

At 32-years-old, Louis Tomlinson has the experience of having been part of one of the greatest pop phenomena of the last 20 years, with sales records and sold-out shows in stadiums around the world. And now he is repeating the fury alone, just as it happened just a little earlier with his ex-bandmate Harry Styles.

In Louis’ case, he first sold out the closed Movistar Arena stadium in 2022 and now he goes through a huge soccer field like Vélez.

Q: Did you think that being a soloist you had to start from below and sing in smaller places?

Louis: Yes, exactly. But it turns out that I can still play in big places, so it's great.

Q: Can we really talk about a mania of a "louistomlinson-mania"? Does it happen everywhere or is it special in Latin America?

Louis: I think that in terms of the level of similar intensity, and seeing what happened a moment ago on the radio station, that certainly doesn't happen to me everywhere. Let me put it this way: it's incredible to be so far from home and feel that level of love. I'm very excited to think about what the show will be like here.

Q: It's incredible that almost exactly ten years have passed since the last time you filled Vélez. How do you feel when you return to the same stadium?

Louis: I feel very lucky to be able to play in those places again on my own. I also feel very, very proud of myself and my fans. I feel like we have created something that is quite special and we did it together. With them as listeners, but also as facilitators. That really helped my confidence and made me feel good on stage. It's a lovely relationship and I'm very proud of it.

Q: This tour started almost a year ago, how did it evolve with respect to the first shows?

Louis: I definitely feel in a good place right now with the show. Anyway, in advance I was excited about this tour because this album was designed for the live show. So I was excited to see how the songs would work. And the energy is great. I am very excited to show Faith in the Future to Latin America.

Q: How did the idea of making a live cover of Arctic Monkeys come about?

Louis: Arctic Monkeys grew up about 20 minutes from where I live. It was something very close, very fresh in the mind and obviously huge. I was growing up and I'm also a big fan. I usually do the song 505 because it's very pretty.

Often, with the versions, I probably think more about what I would like to sing than about what I imagine that everyone else would like to hear, which may be misjudged, but I'm enjoying it.

Q: When you were a teenager you sang Oasis songs and now you have a rock band that sounds very Brit-pop, almost closing a circle.

Louis: Thank you. I am very, very fortunate to have the band I have, but they also perform sonically and visually, everything that is really important to me. They sound absolutely incredible. I don't think I would be able to do this without my band.

Q: Live you also perform songs from One Direction. Did you feel that kind of shadow at the beginning of your solo career and now you are more comfortable looking back?

Louis: I think a bit about both things. I think that at the beginning of my career I would have been a little more worried about putting too many One Direction songs in the repertoire. What I wanted most was to spread my wings and show who I was. But I think that as time went by, the nostalgic moments are really charming. So it's like a beautiful mixture of nostalgia and it's very nice to do it.

Ping-pong

Q: This is the third time you have visited our country. If you had to describe your Argentine fans in three words, which one would you choose?

Louis: Passionate. Loyal. Affectionate. That’s okay, isn't it?

Q: The soccer player Kun Agüero said that there is a lot of talk to you through Instagram or Twitter. Have you ever met him in person?

Louis: Actually, we have never seen each other in person. Over the years we've talked a little here and there, but I never found time. I have a kind of crazy hope that he can come to the show.

Q: If you had to choose one of your songs, either from Walls or Faith in the Future, that reflects how you feel right now in your life, what would it be?

Louis: I would say that the name of the album (Faith in the future) represents where I am right now, but I think that in the future I would like to always be optimistic.

Q: And if all the One Direction discography was deleted and a song had to be saved. Which one would you save?

Louis: It's interesting... I would probably say Story Of My Life. That seemed like a real milestone. I would say it's a little more serious. And I also think it's a bit of a crazy song.

Q: You are a big soccer fan, do you have any preference for an Argentine club?

Louis: I'm very afraid to say something wrong... I'd better say that I love you all. (laughs)

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[lavenderarts]

Revamp: Monthly Subs and Reward Art!

Hi everyone! After a long hiatus on this due to inconsistent health, I'm back and feeling better than ever, and I'd like to re-institute my monthly subscription service for art rewards. These will be active on my Ko-fi starting on August 1st! Read on to hear about the changes from my old system and details of what you'll get for subscribing, but if you don't care about any of that and just want to see the rewards page, here it is:

Please share this and consider tossing a couple bucks a month my way to help me support myself and my dog! Details below the cut!

So last time I was offering art rewards, it gradually became unsustainable for a number of reasons, chief among them the fact that I was basically offering severely discounted full commissions of all styles, and it was exhausting to fulfill in addition to regular commission work. I just couldn't keep up and got overwhelmed. So to help prevent that this time around, here are the changes I'm implementing:

I'll have a single reward type: single character busts! These are easy to crank out in an hour or less, so I can keep up with demand better. I'll reserve the right to decide between lined/lineless flats and papercrafts as I see fit to keep them interesting and fun for me, but if it's your birthday month or your yearly sub anniversary, you can choose the style and get a little something extra! For examples of what a bust looks like, please check out my recent ArtFight submissions :)

I'm going to do my level best to institute a hard 3-week turnaround rate for all regular commissions, and save the final week of each month for giving these rewards full priority along with onboarding new batches of clients for the following month's commissions.

I'm moving my subscription service over to Ko-fi, where anyone can give between $2-9 a month as a very generous tip and get access to my Discord server, or give $10+ for monthly bust rewards, early access to adoptables, and more! You can choose to give more than $10, but no other rewards exist for higher tier subs, it's up to whatever you feel is appropriate! Ko-fi has both Stripe and PayPal integration, which should be easier on the subscriber end, and it allows me to use PostyBirb to post across multiple sites at once, which makes it much easier to post early-access WIPs and finished work than it was on my old subscription service. It also automatically handles Discord onboarding and role assignment, yay!

I'm on the hunt for a simple Discord bot that can post a single repeating message on the first of every month with a link to a Google form for everyone to submit their requests, so that I don't have to ask for them manually. (If anyone knows of such a bot or is capable of making one, please get in touch!)

Previously I offered a whole suite of other rewards in addition to the monthly art -- things like subscriber-only request streams, early claims on adoptables, and even physical merch, which were not sustainable for me. Going forward, early adoptable claims for a discount will still be available as a reward, and I may occasionally do request streams, but on a less formally-scheduled basis and only as I have the free time to do so. I am not able to offer physical prints/stickers at this time; I might revisit the option in the future, but I need to know more before I try it again! I'll also be continuing to offer a subscriber discount on all commissions that will stack with other sales and discounts, along with the ability to skip the waitlist and jump directly into the work queue.

So to recap, if you subscribe to me, here's everything you get:

For $2-$9 USD: Discord server access with a special role, and my thanks for your generous support!

For $10+ USD: Discord server access with a special role, 24 hour early adoptable access with the ability to claim for a discounted price, a bust of a single character each month, first looks at finished artwork and WIPs/timelapses, commission discounts, and potentially more down the line.

My Discord is open to anyone, and all members can freely chat, post art, attend/host art streams, and answer polls regarding prompts for adoptable designs and more. You just get some nice bonuses for subscribing! While these subscription tiers are available, one-time tips and donations of any amount are still an option for commission clients or anyone else who just wants to show some love.

I hope this all makes sense and sounds enticing; I really love seeing people's OCs and getting to bring them to life and put my own little touch on them, and I'm very excited to start giving something back to all of you out there whose support means so very much to me, and without whom I could never do what I do. Thank you so much for checking out the Ko-fi! As a reminder, reward eligibility begins on August 1st! The tiers are active on Ko-fi now, but if you subscribe before August you won't be rewarded for the month of July, so keep that in mind.