#i feel like i fit the bitchness quality of a thief

[melissa-titanium]

what if im.a thief of hope   .

[mermaidsirennikita]

Do you have any HR recs for when the hero is like,,,,the opposite of a typical rake? Like not at all charismatic or charming but maybe a bit of an introvert/reserved seems kinda stuck up (I'm not doing a good job of this lol) oh I guess someone like westcliff-ish

Yeah!

The Highwayman by Kerrigan Byrne--Always, yes, but really I would say that this fits super well? Dorian Blackwell is a criminal and does like act kind of flirtatious towards the heroine initially... But she and the reader quickly realize that he's actually a big virgin who can't drive and has a touch aversion stemming from trauma pluuuuus this warped idea that his sexual desires are bad and dirty (they are not lmao, he just likes to give it to her a lil rough). He's charismatic, but after his initial emotional barriers are broken you realize that he's quiiiiiite introverted and scared (my baby!).

Thief of Shadows by Elizabeth Hoyt--I wouldn't call Winter Makepeace a rake... at all. He's a virgin, but he also is kind of reserved and disparaging of high society. This could be right up your alley lol. Like, he does kick ass, but he's not... slick.

Unclaimed by Courtney Milan--Another virgin hero, but this guy is more charming. He's like, a good boy, not a snob. Idk if it works, but a rake he is not; I think he basically wrote a public manifesto about wanting to maintain his virginity until he's married/in love?

A Lady by Midnight by Tessa Dare--I just finished this the other night! The hero does fuck around a lot, but he's not a rake lmao. He's kind of gruff and reserved and the heroine just assumes he's not interested when in fact he is soooooo interested. He's not very good at talking, but he's good at fuckin' and fightin'.

Daring Pursuit by Kate Bateman--Out May 24. The hero has slept around a bit, but he's super reserved and un-rakeish. Very Westcliff-like, he wants to be an architect and disapproves of the heroine's freewheeling ways. HAAAARD Lillian/Westcliff vibes in the whole book.

Rules for Engaging the Earl by Janna MacGregor--The hero is a veteran with a chronic injury who's just generally kind of cold and shut off, in part because of his wound. He's very shy and withdrawn, which is often seen as aloofness.

The Earl I Ruined by Scarlett Peckham--This hero is seen as super uptight and socially awkward lol, the heroine assumes he hates her (he does not). He is also... not uptight... on the loooooow....

After Dark with The Duke by Julie Anne Long--Very dignified, aloof, uptight, seriously snobbish middle-aged hero. Runs into a very not-dignified, not aloof, and sexy young opera singer who just makes him so mad!!! What will he do!!! He might have to punish her!!!!!!

The Duchess Hunt by Lorraine Heath--This one is honestly better if you read Scoundrel of My Heart first, where the hero IS more of a rakish type. But both are great, so it's worth it. The hero is a sort of remote, businesslike duke who's just looking for a wife and doesn't want to have to flirt and shit to get her. He just wants a quiet bitch lmao. Who's helping him in his quest? His pretty secretary, who he depends on for any and everything. Everything. E v e r y t h i n g.

Marrying Winterborne by Lisa Kleypas--This might be a controversial opinion, but I would actually say that Rhys Winterborne has a lot of the qualities of Westcliff (who isn't a rake) and Derek Craven (who pretends that he isn't, but he fucked for money and can turn it on when he wants to). He definitely has been around the carousel, but he's also kind of like. Bad at expressing his feelings? And gruff? That's one of the main issues that initially causes conflict with him and Helen. Like, Rhys knows he's a great lay, but he's not gonna sit there and try to wheedle you into the bedroom. He's gonna be like "HERE. HAVE THIS FLOWER. LET'S GO FUCK." Which I like, but it's an issue in the plot lmao.

Dearest Rogue by Elizabeth Hoyt--Another hero with a chronic injury. He's the bodyguard for this young heiress who lost her sight a few years back, and he's very uptight and stodgy and protective. But what if the true danger is him??? Him and the danger and poses to her virginity???

Duke of Midnight by Elizabeth Hoyt--I could see an argument for Maximus being a rake because he's fucked around and can put up a good front, but he's truly just a deeply weird, cold man who happens to get his fires burning for the baddest lady's companion in town. Like, I don't think it's a him thing, it's a him with her specifically thing.

The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt--The hero is pockmarked and scarred and thinks himself hideous, so he's more of a recluse than a rake. He's considered very rude and only has sex with sex workers by the time the story begins. LITTLE DOES HE KNOW....

Lady Sophia's Lover by Lisa Kleypas--The hero runs the Bow Street Runners (so like... CSI: Miami but with less rules, somehow) but he's like. The leader. So he's very rule-abiding and cool, calm, and collected. Also, he's a widower, and I'm pretty sure he hasn't had sex since his wife died? Enter: the hot young thang he hires as like, a maid or something, not knowing that she wishes to seduce and ruin him for REVENGE.

The Duchess Deal by Tessa Dare--This is another one where it's like, he's scarred. And like, there are two ways in which romance heroes deal with scars. They either put on an eyepatch and like, FULLY EMBRACE THE LOOK, which is what Dorian Blackwell does in The Highwayman; or they go "I AM A MONSTERRRRRR" and just like. Try to only fuck with the lights out. Like this guy! Anyway, this is a more humorous take on the scarred hero, as all Tessa Dare books are a little funnier.

The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie by Jennifer Ashley--This one is really, really good. The hero is seen as rude and cold because he's on the autism spectrum (and also because he was treated horribly his entire life because of it). He's obviously a great guy, he just needs some time to get to know people. Also, what a hot read.

[urcharactersclasspect]

what do you think of a players self betterment goal being their class?

like a thief who really fits the rogue class better. all that they steal is only ever for their co-players and never for themself. their self improvement is to be more active and to care a little less.

sorry if this doesnt make sense. i have a feeling that that defeats the whole point of the active/passive counterparts haha

Then they arent probably a thief to begin with, to be blunt?

Although, you didnt exactly specify if they successfully went about doing that. Being helpful to the aspect like a rogue, that is.

Something that is commonly misconstrude about Vriska, for instance, is that every single thing she did was malicious abd vindictive and had no other bearing to it. In reality, Vriska was trying to forcibly mimic a Sylph's role-- she was trying to copy Mindfang, who had Sylph qualities of trying to aid others in the Light aspect. The wings, the fairy aesthetic, trying to FORCE tavros into having "happy thoughts" and to get better. She always tried and failed miserably at being comforting, instead stealing the agency a Sylph like Aranea would provide somebody in need, breaking his legs and harming others in her attempts at what she perceived were normal things.

Theives often do not want to be themselves, vriska hated herself. So they can try to be something else, but it will almost always wind up a miserable failure as they are often times trying to "fix" the wrong things about themselves and how they bend to their aspects whims. A theives power can be used for good, we see this in the Alt Vriska who fixes everything up into a neat bow near the end of homestuck. Its not what she needed to do to thrive. If that makes sense.

Just as Vriskas infamous quote implies -- You dont have to be a good person to be a hero.

You can be an absolute bitch and do plenty of things wrong or selfish things, but still be a decent person just the same.

However, you have to accept the fact that you might be put through the ringer first in important matters in your life, before you can understand the good you can do if you just apply it well enough.

Although? If this sounds a bit weird, keep in mind, Im of the belief no classpect is inherently evil or anything.

Classes are more about how you bend around the aspect in your daily life and how you interact with it, not so much your personality if at all, in actuality. Self betterment - or rather, attempts at attitude changes - wouldnt really change your class at all, if anything, id argue youd make yourself absolutely miserable forcing yourself to be anything but who you are. We see this with Dreambubble Vriska and how after being with Meenah, she becomes dramatically different but still technically is a theif at the end of the day- shes still vriska, after all.

[faegrifted]

( if you’re still doing the ship thing? for con & kenzi ?)

Send a ship & I will answer…. for @rcprobate

Who is a night owl: Kenzi cause of insomnia. Given what Connor is though I’m willing to bet he has a few things to try to help her with that and probably does his best to make sure she gets a healthy amount of sleep. Whether or not he knows just being there helps a lot is anyone’s guess.

Who is a morning person: Still Kenzi if you count being up regularly till 3AM and sometimes later (help her omg). If it doesn’t definitely Connor. Man’s annoyingly good at getting up in the morning despite Kenzi’s valiant attempts to get him to stay and play hooky with her in bed for a few more hours. Besides, on the days where Kenzi is somehow up before Connor, it’s no guarantee that she’s actually awake. She’ll maybe stumble around in this pseudo-zombie mode where she mutters to herself, runs into shit, and knocks stuff over till Connor’s like “Kenzi just sit down. I’ll make the coffee.” 

Are they cuddlers: I think it’ll take a bit to get them there but once they are boy howdy. Connor is too much of a sweet lad to not be a cuddler and Kenzi is too touch-starved and smitten to not pounce on Connor once they reach that level. We’re talking about hair petting, legs tangling, skin tracing with fingertips, and hand holding. They do it all and go hardcore. They’re so gross.

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: Size wise you’d probably assume Connor holds the big spoon title. However, you’d be wrong. I think I’ve said it before that Kenzi does have a big love for jetpacking her taller partners and may just have a thing for holding Connor in her arms. She has a thing for being able to start and end the day by pressing kisses to his shoulders and neck and all the little marks there. She likes feeling like she can do something to make Connor feel safe, warm, appreciated, and loved cause… he is and she’s not always the best at wording that. This is one of the ways she shows him. And Connor? He seems quite content with it. It’s not exactly rare they switch though.

What is their favorite sleeping position: Well aside from Kenzi spooning against his back or vice versa Kenzi enjoys falling asleep against Connor’s chest. His heartbeat is soothing and she likes being able to trace her fingertips over his mastectomy scar while Connor likes being able to hold her and play with her hair. But honestly so long as they’re close and comfortable neither complain.

Who steals all the blankets: Probably Connor. Kenzi runs hot and tends to act like a little space heater in bed, so while I wouldn’t say he steals them it’s a thing that they tend to wake up with most of the blankets jumbled around Connor in the morning cause Kenzi probably pushed them off herself.

Who likes seeing the other wearing their t-shirt: I’m not saying Kenzi is against seeing Connor wearing her stuff but it doesn’t exactly fit. His body or his style. However, she is a certified shirt thief and has definitely made a habit of donning any number of Connor’s shirts and not much else in the morning. 1. He enjoys it. 2. Sometimes he enjoys it enough he forgets what time he’s actually supposed to be at work.

Who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares: Both. They’ve both been through some shit. The nightmares tend to happen less when they’re together though and when they do they’re easier to get through with the other there.

Who accidentally punched the other in their sleep: If it’s ever happened I guarantee it was Kenzi and she probably spent the next week apologizing to him for it uwu.

Who can’t keep their hands to themself: It depends really. In public probably Kenzi. Touch-starved remember? I mean she could help herself. But she doesn’t. She likes holding his hand when they walk. She loves smoothing his hair back into place, especially when she’s the one who just messed it up. She enjoys watching his face flash fry when she slips her hands into his back pockets to pull him close to whisper something sweet or filthy or just for the joy of stealing one more kiss from him. In private it’s most definitely Connor who while not entirely against PDA is the shyer of the two and definitely more private about intimacy. But once they’re behind closed doors or at least only around friends oh boy.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: Kenzi for sure. She’s always taking cute selfies of them and while Connor has a ton saved to his phone including a few candid ones he’s taken of Kenzi himself he’s still the more private of the two and those pictures are just for him.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: They both do. It’s kind of their thing. Little love notes. Event reminders. Special dates. Little hearts, X’s & O’s.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts: Kenzi. It’s not a part of her love language but I could see Kenzi one in a while buying Connor any number of things that catch her eye that she thinks Connor would enjoy or be interested in. She once got him a crystal set to see if it’d amplify his magic. However, they both tend to get each other gifs that have a lot of thought and significance to them.

Who initiated the first kiss: Definitely Kenzi. Their first kiss happened when this whole thing first started and Connor was trying to explain all the reasons why it wouldn’t work and how problematic it’d be just due to his alignment with the Dark, how he might not have time for her always because of work, how there’s definitely someone better for her out there. She kissed him to shut him up, she kissed him because she wanted to, and because she didn’t want him analyzing things.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning: Connor. Because he usually wakes up first. And cause he’s a sweetheart who doesn’t mind that she growls about being woken up at a decent time. Or complains that she has morning breathe and shouldn’t. And how that never stops her from stealing another.

Who starts tickle fights: Connor. The day he realized how ticklish Kenzi actually was was a day of war for these two and Kenzi found out how ruthless Connor can actually be.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower: Definitely Connor. Cause 1. polite boy 2. He knows the words “May I?” before he does literally anything does wondrous things to Kenzi.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: Kenzi. Because she likes to see him and because Connor does have a tendency to overwork himself to the point that some days if she doesn’t he’ll skip eating entirely and that’s a NO.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date: I think they both were tbh. That making things official and going on a real date together turned them both into silly morons despite that up until then they’d been doing similar things as friends with no problem. Luckily those nerves only lasted maybe the first 40 minutes of the date and they both realized nothing had really changed. That they both were still comfortable around one another, the easiness was still there if they let it, and that they still liked hanging out. Just now there was the bonus of being able to touch each other the way they’d been thinking about for a while now.

Who kills/takes out the spiders: Connor handles all the spiders via the catch and release policy because even while Kenzi will refuse to come back inside till the spider is gone she doesn’t want to see them hurt.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: I can’t see Connor drinking to the point he gets this silly but Kenzi definitely has before. But rather instead of saying she loved him it’s more likely she went into a 30 long minute rant about the things she liked about Connor, even his most annoying qualities, and about how stupid pretty he is and how she’s pretty sure she’s the luckiest bitch alive. Connor probably had to carry her ass home all the while her still slurring sweet nothings and complimentary insults to him.

[foundcarcosa]

cccxxix.

what is your middle name?: >> Frey. what’s your favorite lyric or quote?: >> *the ‘fear is the mind-killer’ litany floats through my head again* do you support abortion?: >> I support the right to get one if one chooses. last nightmare you had?: >> I really don’t remember. who was your first crush?: >> Well, Matt Damon, probably. Or Yul Brynner. I don’t know, I didn’t realise what crushes actually were until around middle school, and these two are from before then, so my memory is vaguer.

what is an annoying overused phrase?: >> “You are valid.” What does that even mean anymore? What am I going to do with that affirmation? Throw a party? what’s usually your last thought falling asleep?: >> I don’t know. The passage into sleep is such a nebulous and sneaky one that I can’t imagine how I’m supposed to figure out what my last thought was. Thoughts generally flow into preliminary dreams, anyway, so there’s no “last” thought. Just... a changing of thoughts into other things. what’s one thing someone said to you that has always stuck in your memory?: >> Predictably, I can’t think of anything off the top of my head. ever agreed with a punishment your parents gave you?: >> Of course not, I hate being punished. Just because the punishment may have been just doesn’t mean I’m gonna like it! do you like to be anti-social sometimes?: >> No. I like to be quiet and undisturbed sometimes, especially for the sake of focusing on an activity, but that is in no way anti-social behaviour. what was your childhood dream job?: >> I didn’t have one. would you ever adopt a kid?: >> Sure. ever did something you swore to yourself you never would?: >> Well, yeah, probably. what color is your toothpaste?: >> White. have you ever faked your identity on the net?: >> Nah. It never occurred to me to do that; I already contain multitudes, so I have a lot of myself to choose from when it comes to image presentation. I don’t need to fake anything. do you like roller coasters?: >> Sure. how do you feel on new years eve?: >> A low-key excitement. I enjoy the ritualistic torch-passing from one year to the next, and I always enjoy the feeling of a fresh start.  which friend is the most understanding of you?: >> I don’t know. what turns you off about a guy?: >> Hm.

what’s the weirdest thing you ever ate?: >> I’m really not sure. From my point of view, nothing I’ve eaten is particularly weird. whats your opinion on the movie napoleon dynamite?: >> I didn’t like it. have you ever chased a pigeon?: >> Nah. ever done something mean to a teacher?: >> So once in high school, I want to say tenth grade? I had this teacher named Mr Stanley. And I don’t remember what it was about Mr Stanley that annoyed me, or what he’d done to make me feel petty, but honestly I stopped getting along with teachers in middle school anyway, once it was realised that I wasn’t going to be teacher’s pet/the Smart child anymore. So maybe I was just being a bitch. But either way, The Sixth Sense was still fresh in my mind at the time, and one day on the back of my homework I wrote “Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley!” Mr Stanley, mind you, did not stutter. I was just making an annoying reference. Like I said, I don’t fuckin know why. I was a teenager, man, and not a happy or sane one either. So then when Mr Stanley sees it, he gets mad as hell and gets in my face (he was tall, too) and is just bitching me out. I don’t know why he got quite so mad lmao. Maybe he... was a stutterer, once. Wouldn’t that be wild? are you a fan of ipods?: >> No. I used to be, especially when they were a new thing, but meh. whats the biggest thing you considered stealing?: >> I don’t know. Nothing huge, I’d imagine. I’m not that good of a thief. ever been so scared you stayed up with the lights on?: >> Nah. ever ran away from home?: >> I ran away from a place that wasn’t at all home for me. what’s the worst thing your parents have said to you?: >> I don’t recall my father saying anything particularly awful to me. That wasn’t really his style. how many times have you cried yourself to sleep?: >> I have no way of knowing. would you ever sky dive?: >> I’d like to. could you handle eating a bug?: >> I could. Wouldn’t be the easiest thing in the world, but it sure wouldn’t be the hardest. have you ever intentionally been a bitch?: >> Yes. ever felt like you could really be considered crazy?: >> Well, of course. do you think time travel is truly possible?: >> I don’t know enough about the subject of time to form a concrete opinion. think you can dance?: >> Yes, but I’d certainly be able to dance better if I practiced. do you still ride in shopping carts?: >> No. I think I could still fit, but getting in and out is a lot harder at this size. ever seen a Broadway play?: >> No. I’d like to. can you honestly say you’ve felt like not being alive?: >> Sure. if you could choose how to die, how would it happen?: >> I’d be old and happily tired, and it’d happen in my sleep. what is your reaction when you see the person who gives you butterflies?: >> I don’t know what that feels like. I understand it’s probably mostly metaphorical (I say mostly because I think the physical sensation is also a thing that some people must be experiencing?), but I... am not entirely sure what the metaphor is standing for. weirdest dream you can remember is…: >> Hm. Raining with sun out or snowing at night time?: >> Nighttime snow is very calming. I mean, unless you have to drive in the morning. LOL instead of roses, you’d rather receive which type of flower?: >> Sunflowers. Or anything interesting-looking, really. Or nothing. Because cut flowers are a strange gift to me. You cut a plant and doomed it to an unnatural death just to... give it to me. I don’t think I want that. Give me a living plant instead (one that I can realistically take care of, obviously, not something that requires a real garden and full sun or something). romantic ending or realistic ending in a movie?: >> I thought the point of movies was to be transported from reality, honestly. I don’t understand the obsession with realism. at this moment, whose arms would you like wrapped around you?: >> I mean, no one’s, because it’s hot. if you had telepathy, would you tell anyone?: >> I don’t know. I can’t even imagine having telepathy. The power actually doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, because of how brains work, and also because you’d literally be too full of input to... do anything. Telepathy with filtering capability is a little less nonsensical to me. if you could, what color would you paint the sky?: >> That’s not how skies work anyway. what disease would you pick to instantly cure?: >> I don’t want that sort of responsibility. if you could go back in time, what age would you go to?: >> No. is there one major thing you want to accomplish before you die (of old age)?: >> No. who do you want to talk to right this moment?: >> Hm. if you could tell the world one thing about you, what would it be?: >> No. who’s the one person you wish you could apologize to right now, for whatever reason?: >> --- what’s the least favorite part on your body?: >> Hm. who would you honestly give up your own life for?: >> I would give up life for no one. what’s the one thing you don’t like to joke around about?: >> For the most part, I don’t like jokes at the expense of people, particularly about things they can’t control or didn’t choose. Like, friends roasting me for my personality or something, sure. That’s fun. Making fun of white people for not seasoning food? All day every day. Making fun of drug addicts, or poor people, or people from other countries that you don’t understand? I’ll pass. do you think you’re intelligent?: >> Sure. I also think I’m dumb as hell. Both are true. We can’t possibly be smart about everything. do other people’s opinions of your beliefs matter to you?: >> They’re interesting sometimes, and sometimes I might even take them into consideration, but a lot of the times they’re just unsolicited and irrelevant -- not to mention arrogantly or insensitively presented. what quality in someone else just pisses you off?: >> Hm. favorite tv show as a little kid?: >> I didn’t have one. what do you like most about winter?: >> At this point, I’m so tired of winter that I can’t think about it positively. Ask me again in late July. what sound makes you cringe?: >> The sound of the dumpsters being emptied, because they have to bang it a couple of times to get all the stuff out.  do the standards of society matter to you in any way?: >> They matter when I have to interact with them, or when things are being denied me or people are treating me badly because I don’t measure up to social standards. ever tried to overdose?: >> Yes. (Obviously, I failed.) what vegetable do you pick over every other veggie?: >> Baby spinach. why are you self-conscious?: >> Because I am more aware of my self than I have ever been. ever had the conversation of marrying someone and having their kids?: >> Not the latter part. what scent makes you smile?: >> You know, I’ve never thought about it. have you ever just read the dictionary for kicks?: >> Yeah, when I was a child.  if someone stalked you, how would you react?: >> I don’t know. I’ve never been stalked so I don’t even know what it’d feel like. what is one thing that a friend might do that annoys you?: >> Hm. whats the first department you go to in a store?: >> That depends on the store and why I’m there. what kind of grapes do you like?: >> Red. have you ever been physically hurt by someone intentionally and not for fun?: >> Yes. do you often weasel out of doing things just cuz you’re lazy?: >> Maybe. Although I’m not sure I believe in laziness -- I’m sure there are probably exceptions to my theory, because there are exceptions to everything, but I think people just use “lazy” as an insult when they don’t understand why someone else doesn’t work at the same pace or level of enthusiasm or within the same time frame as they do. I think people internalise that and just roll with it. I think that “laziness” is a lazy term that hides a multitude of solveable problems -- executive dysfunction, depression, lack of balance (it’s like the Sims: if you don’t fulfill their need for fun and socialisation, their performance in all sectors suffers), inability to care about whatever-it-is, anxiety, overload/overstimulation, and so on. I say “I’m lazy lmao” because it’s honestly easier to just let myself be judged that way than try to explain these other things to people and be told I’m a liar or making up excuses. ever ignored a phone call because you knew that person was boring?: >> No. items ever thrown around in your room out of anger…: >> That has happened. Not recently. ever gone out commando?: >> No. I find that immensely uncomfortable. are you ever going to consider plastic surgery?: >> No. Couldn’t afford it anyway. do you give in easily?: >> I mean, yes, sometimes. what can’t you stand about your room?: >> It���s too small and Sigma ruined it. do you really believe in magic?: >> Yes. if you ever caught your parents in a lie, what was it?: >> A lie of omission. My father didn’t tell me that the dog we got when we moved to South Jersey had ran away, until I asked him why I haven’t seen the dog in a few days. He... thought I’d like, forget???? I don’t know what kind of logic he was working with there. :| if you were born a guy, what would you hope your name would be?: >> Hm.

were you named after anyone?: >> Originally. what’s one characteristic your ideal boyfriend would have?: >> Hm. do you need reassurance a lot?: >> Not a lot. Not often at all, really. your least favorite Disney villain is…: >> I don’t know enough Disney villains to have a least favourite. what flavor of skittles do you dislike the most?: >> I thought they all taste the same. 

[decemberdancer04]

❤How to be a sweetheart to your fellow retail worker this Valentines Day❤!

💘If you’re trying on lingerie 🚫DO NOT TRY ON THE MOTHERFUCKING MATCHING PANTIES🛇 and don’t give the fitting room attendant grief if they take the panties away from you. They are doing their job and protecting you, others, and themselves. Just stop bitching and let them do their work.

💘Also that includes letting them count all the lingerie you’re trying on because ITS PART OF THEIR DAMN JOBS. People steal candy, jewelry, and underwear, especially the lingerie ones at an alarming rate. They do because if they don’t theft runs rampant and since you’re obviously not a thief an employee counting your shit should not offend you. Just be a considerate human being and realize that 👉NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.👈

💘Pick what you know what you can ACTUALLY FIT.🙎Stretching out or breaking our shit only gets counted toward “internal theft” which GREATLY EFFECTS ANY RETAIL WORKER GETTING A PAY RAISE. You may think its funny to stuff yourself into a teeny tiny lingerie for laughs but its NOT when you LEAVE the ruined piece for the next person or worse, the retail worker.

💘GUYS: If you’re trying women’s lingerie then 🚫DO NOT PICK YOUR T-SHIRT SIZE.🛇 Women’s lingerie was not made for you in mind so go up a size and do not try to stuff yourself into anything smaller. You break it and its employees hours that are going to get cut to pay for it.

💘👏MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT ANY OF THE COMBINATION OF SWEATY, STINKY, OR COVERED IN ANY SUBSTANCES (food or otherwise) BEFORE TRYING ON THE GOD DAMNED LINGERIE. NO ONE WANTS TO TOUCH OR BUY THINGS THAT ARE COVERED IN YOUR BODILY SECRETIONS OR CHESSE POOF CRUMBS.👏

💘Asking an associate if you think a lingerie piece is cute when you’re interested in trying it on=✔ Asking an associate if the lingerie you’re wearing(in the fitting room)=❌ 🤗No employee is paid enough to willingly see you on lingerie and many of us are very uncomfortable about seeing naked people in general. 🤗 👏Do 👏not 👏assume👏 they’re 👏okay with 👏seeing 👏you 👏nude. 👏 If you’re that indecisive bring a friend to help you decide or text one.👭👬

💘Guys and girls let’s not be creepy fucks and ask the employees to try on any of the lingerie for you because of your bullshit reasons. 😐No one’s buying that “You’re the same size as my girl/boyfriend so can you make sure this fits?“😐 No employee is allowed to do that and they’re going to call the cops.🚔

💘Also asking "how we would feel if you bought them a lingerie piece and did all this X-rated to you because you look like you have the same tastes as my girl/boyfriend” is harassment because we can all tell you don’t have someone in your life and you’re being creepy as fuck. 🚔This is sexual harassment and they will call the cops.🚔

💘Kids 17 and under: 👉DO NOT TRY ON THE GOD DAMNED LINGERIE. 👈You of all people don’t need to wear it and more importantly taking pictures of yourself wearing it 📵(and spreading it to others on various medias)📵 counts toward child pornography. No, I don’t give a shit if you’ve been with Johnny or Jenny for X amount of years and are planning to marry when you’re 18 it is still considered illegal! You don’t need that kind of drama just wait a couple more years until you’re legal!📵

💘 For people buying lingerie for their S/O for the first time: its better to buy it for them AFTER you two have done the deed already. You buying it for them when you haven’t gotten nasty usually ends up in it not being worn or worse returned.💸

💘People buying for their S/O: If you’re that unsure about what size they wear bring in a picture and a shirt size/bra size they wear for reference. Describing what they look like doesn’t help the employee. 👀

💘If you’re doing the above and are unsure of their size KEEP THE TAGS AND receipt!🤑 We actually need them because there are a lot of people trying to steal the shit and they rip/destroy the tags.

💘Also don’t return the damn thing after you’ve ripped/smashed/spilled bodily fluids on it because we don’t want it back. I don’t care if you have the receipt NO ONE CAN SELL YOUR USED LINGERIE.😝That’s gross as fuck. 😷If you smash in it and they don’t like it anymore throw it the fuck away! Retailers aren’t a fucking renting service-you buy to keep.💵

💘Don’t push your insecurities/woes on the employees.🙄 They don’t make the lingerie, they just sell it. 🙄If you want to bitch about the cut or quality complain to corporate.

💘DO NOT MASTURBATE WEARING THE LINGERIE IN THE STORE EVEN IF YOU HAVE JUST BOUGHT THE DAMN THING. I REPEAT, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT.😬

💘 Do NOT attempt foreplay or sexual relations wearing the store’s lingerie in the store THIS INCLUDES THE BATHROOMS regardless if you have already purchased it. Once again NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT.😬😠

If anyone has any more tips on how to be a sweetheart this Valentines Day to retail workers please feel free to add some in! @real-retail-stories

[biggiecndnirvana]

GET  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN  /

TAGGED BY: the dash apparently this showed up four times on my dash and i pounced on the opportunity to do it finally

TAGGING: i'm a thief and encourage you to do as i did

NICKNAMES: asteria, lizard, athena or mom are all acceptable

ZODIAC: aries

HEIGHT: about 5'3"?

TIME: 1:48 am est.

FAVORITE BAND / ARTIST: uhhhhh halsey, fall out boy, panic! at the disco, troye sivan, khalid, hall and oates, michael jackson, tupac, usher, one direction, toto, the beatles, the police, etc. (i am a slut for all music ok ok)

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: lucky strike by troye sivan

LAST MOVIE I SAW: one direction: this is us (i forgot it existed until i remembered that best song ever music video and then had to watch the movie it's cute ok)

LAST THING I GOOGLED: “what 80s song are you". in case you wanted to know, apparently i'm the human personification of sweet child o' mine by guns n' roses

OTHER BLOGS: @huriicanes (it's up and running but like. i haven't actually posted a single thing on it) and @lovelyllzard (quality shitposting over there my guys). i also have a poetry blog, @poetic-bleeding

DO I GET ASKS: rarely

WHY DID I CHOOSE MY URL: y'all know the lyrics "if i can live through this i can do anything" that relates to my muses and the song in general just kinda fits them in my head so yeah

AVERAGE AMOUNT OF SLEEP: sleep?? who is she???

WHAT I’M WEARING: these funky blue tye-dye pants and a grey hoodie (i am cold)

DREAM JOB: follow me here y'all i have a plan ok first i wanna be a therapist and help people with their problems and then i want to be a lawyer and work specifically on either animal cruelty cases or the cases of people wrongfully put on death row, then i want to go into politics and fix all the shit that's wrong my endgame here is the motherfucking white housw but we'll see

DREAM TRIP: greece tbh

FAVORITE FOOD: a tie between asian food, nachos, mozzarella sticks, chicken strips, and doro wat (which is like, this funky ethiopian chicken stew I'd sell my other ovary for it ok)

PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS: i can kind of play guitar and i'm relearing the piano so that's fun

EYE COLOR: brown!

HAIR COLOR: i've learned it's not really black, it's super dark brown and i always thought it was black but according to my cousin it's brown in the sunlight

LANGUAGES YOU SPEAK: english, basic conversational spanish, a good bit of latin and small snippets of french, italian, and amharic!

MOST ICONIC SONG: not to be that bitch but africa by toto lives up to the hype friends

RANDOM FACT: i am related to the weekend! which is cool but it's a loose relation on his father's side and his father abandoned him so he's kind of just ignored this half of the family and i can understand and respect that. still, that's my fam.

DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS AESTHETIC THINGS: fairy lights, rainy cities, city nights, that neon "no sleep club" sign, moss covered forests, smiling dogs, galaxies, cloudy empty beaches that leave you feeling oddly melancholic