#i feel like i could grind glass into dust that’s how hyped i am

[ofmermaidstories]

i know i complain about writing all the time, but there truly is no greater rush than getting one of those beautiful, crystal clear moments of pure inspiration.

[lillaxtrigger]

Faded land: Chapter 10

The day of the derby had finally arrived The stands near the starting line were completely packed with screaming spectators. Confetti rains down upon the roads as they shower around the participants, who were more than raring to go. With the exception of one, however. Near the rear of racers stood Clara atop her less than eager bear spider, Angelo visibly nervous as she views the viscous competition up front. Taking a gaze towards the crowd of fans on the wayside, the scientist worries about how many of them have set up traps and hired snipers to halt her progress, or possibly end their very lives. Rico, beside her, stands to the side of Angelo, asking the rider: “So, you think your ready?”. “No. No I am not.”. “Well, your as ready as you’ll ever be, I guess.”. The trainer lowers himself to Angelo’s head as she shakes. “Angelo girl. Listen. I know you’re scared. But I know that deep down within you is a survivor. You’ve been through this race several times and came out alive every single time. I know this time won’t be any different.”. “Wait. Angelo’s raced before?” Clara asks. “Well, duh. Plenty of times.”. “What happened to her riders?”. “Died.”. Taking in a deep breath, she looks forward, replying with: “Great. That’s-that comforting to know.”. The clown can’t help but listen to her nervous moaning, letting out a weary sigh. “Listen, just try and relax, alright. Angelo here is just as nervous as you are. Gotta remember that you and her are a team. Act like it and you might just make it through alive. Hear me?”. Clara begins to calm herself down, reassuring herself with: “R-right. Gotta stay calm. It’s just like partial accelerator physics. As long as all of us do our part and don’t fuck up, we’ll be fine. He he he...He...”. “That’s the spirit...I guess.”. The megaphones above them let out a high pitched squeal, a voice comes on announcing: “Attention, attention. The race will soon begin. All non participants please clear off the track.”. “Whelp, guess that’s my excuse to fuck off.” Rico finishes as he begins to walk off the race way. “Any advice?” Clara asks the leaving clown. “Keep on your toes and try to keep your head on your shoulders.”. “You mean figuratively, right?”. All the scientist could hear of the trainer was a departing laughter. With a disgruntled groan, she faces forward, noting the tail ends of the mutant beasts she would have to face. The track all clear, the racers ready to ride, the crowd hyped, everything was set for the derby to take off. Clara however was still feeling quite anxious. Maybe entering this race wasn’t the best idea. Its then she looks down upon her steed, Angelo’s eight eyes staring upwards towards her. No...They can do this. Lets just take a deep breathe to calm ourselves. With her worries on hold, she looks ahead with more determination in her gaze. “Welcome one and all to the annual Columbus Derby!” the megaphone announces, sending the spectators in a waving frenzy. “Each year, we run this race throughout the city in celebration of our valiant efforts to rebuild our society with the mutant animals we ride with. The rules are the same as every year. A no hold bar race to the finish. The only rule being to follow the blue taped roads set up throughout the city. And without further introductions, lets get this show on the road.” Both riders and steeds alike braced themselves, grips tightening, snouts fuming, feet grinding, ready to take the lead. “Let’s hit the road in three...two...one...Blast off!”. The steeds charge ahead, a big puff of smoke left in their lunge. Clara is left behind in the dust, coughing up graveling particals captured in her lungs The dust settling, the scientist finds the racers quickly leaving her behind. She whips Angelo’s reins, commanding the ursa arachnid to: “Come on. Let’s move it.”. The spider steed takes off, hoping to catch up to the competition. Swiftly, they make up for their rough start, coming up to two riders that she threatens to pass. Attempting to pass between them, they begin squeezing her into a box and attempt to smash her in. She pulls the reins of her steed to make Angelo break, dunping her opponents to slam into one another. Scuttling past the wreck, Clara looks towards her surroundings, finding the architect around her to be too short to reliably swing through. Maybe wait until they grow to starting web swinging Aw man, the look on the other riders faces when they see her swing through the streets. As she tries to imagine the shock on their face, one of them pushes both of them towards the wall. Upon seeing her opponent come in for another push, Clara has her steed climb up the wall nearby. After seeing the rider crash into the wall, she looks ahead and finds the building to be quickly running out of wall to climb. She and Angelo jump off before coming to the huge gap and land back on the concrete. With that, she sees more of the competition up ahead. Looks like she might be able catch up to them. That’s when she witnesses one of them fall pray to a rising wall of spikes, plunging its splintery wood into the flesh of both the rider and its steed. Good god, what a gruesome sight! Guess Rico wasn't exactly exaggerating about those traps, was he? Finding the others soon falling victim as well, she hurries back onto the wall. They couldn’t possibly have set up any traps on the sides of the buildings. Since Angelo is the only steed in the race that can climb up walls as far as she knows, they should be safe as long as they keep to the wall. A fact that is swiftly disproven when she witnesses one of the windows break beside her along with a loud bang. Looking over, she finds a couple of her opponents to be in possession of firearms, picking off each other in a heated firefight, some even aiming towards her. Oh yeah, guns...right. She has Angelo move about the building as they fire in an attempt to shoot her down. A couple of the riders were too busy aiming for Clara to notice the traps popping up ahead, some even set up with guns that attached to mechanisms that pull the trigger upon being sprung. Poetically ironic, if not a bit bizarre. Right when she thinks she’s out of the flames of danger, a spring board pops out from one of the windows, pushing them towards the ground. Landing upon the ground, Angelo tries to regain her balance with the threat of gunfire behind them. That’s when another trap rears its ugly head. A burning net, its flaming strings tempting to roast them alive. This trap really couldn’t come at a worse time. With the competition firing at her from behind and the spreading pyre in front, there’s no way that she can focus on...hang on a minute. That’s it. Barely evading the embers of the burning net in their pursuit for balance, she hooks onto pillar holding the trap together via Angelo’s webbing, ripping it from the ground. She than has the ursa arachnid severe the silk before it caught ablaze. The net tumbles towards the other racers from behind and snags them in its flaming grip. As they come towards a more broken neighborhood, it looks like things were beginning to clear up. No traps popping up. No bullets flying past. Seems like easy riding from here on out. A thought that is swiftly shattered when a clear lob of liquid hurl past them. She watches as the blob lands upon the road ahead and quickly starts dissolving the concrete before them into a pothole, the foul scent reach her nose as she past. Ew! What kind of disgusting creature could have volleyed such a horrid liquid. Looking back, she finds one more rider atop canal ostrich chimera, its legs running along the pavement at a brisk pace. Its cheeks begin to puff up as it pursues, readying another lob of its corrosive spit. Clara and Angelo evade the acidic saliva, weaving out a stream of silk towards the camel ostriches mouth in hopes of shutting its mouth. The mutant spits towards the string however, quickly melting the webs into nothing but a gooey blob. Seeing their salivary foe on the approach, Clara urgently ponders what to do next. She knows that frothing acid that strong could melt through most materials, even hard metal wouldn’t stand a chance against such a chemically corrosive compound. Usually when handling such powerful liquids, she carries them in test tubes so not to burn herself. Remembering what those tubes were made of, she hatches an idea. She looks scans around the neighborhood in front of her while evading the barrage of saliva. None of the remaining homes had any passing windows to work with, all of them seemingly broken into. Except for one. Only one chance for her moment to counterattack, she wastes no time in taking it. Angelo spews her webbing towards the panel as they pass the broken abode, pulling the glass off its hinge. The camel rider sees the string along his side with and has his camel spit upon the silk. However, with the window in the midst of being pulled away having been severed, it begins to careen towards the opposing racer. The camel instinctively spits at the oncoming glass in hopes of it melting away, but with no luck as the glass shatters on them upon impact. Glass shards litter their fronts as they run, some of which end up in the camel ostriches eyes. Clara watches as her former pursuers flail about until they tumble down on the concrete. Not what the scientist was originally planning, but eh, best not to question uncertain probabilities. She got more urgent matters on hand. Within their sites up ahead was a large orange complex, an open garage door showing several of the rider riders inside lounging about. Guess that must be one of the checkpoints. However, their chance for respite was fleeting as the garage door slowly threatens to close. Clara whips Angelo’s reins, commanding her steed to: “Gotta move girl. Pick up the pace!”. The bear spider books it through the track, her eight legs scuttling as fast as they could carry the two. The doors nearly closed, the scientist is not sure they’re gonna make it. They slide under the descending doorway right before it shuts, the unwinding riders surprised by their sudden entry. In their relief, Clara hears a buzzer sounding off alongside an official announcing via plastic megaphone: “The first part of the race is officially over.”. After counting how many riders were left, the official also announces: “All 21 racers within the checkpoint will move to the next portion of the derby in 10 minutes. Use the time you got in any way you wish. Food for people and steeds are on the furthest right.”. Wait. How many did they say were left? 21? Weren't there 30 starting out? So that means 9 of them had already bit the dust. This race does not screw around. Best to get as much rest and food as they can before the race starts up again. Upon the right of the garage, Clara and Angelo were feeding themselves with a sandwich and feed respectively. The fact that nearly half of the competition was already snuffed out still haunts her thoughts, realizing there were a couple moments where she might have ended up as one of them. That when a familiar tone catches her ears. “Quite impressive.”. Beside her, the gorillaroo racer, Manfred sits in the neighboring stool, a sandwich being fancily held in his white gloved hands. “I had thought a rookie such as yourself would have croaked near the start. But here you are.”. Taking a gentlemanly bite out of his sandwich with such elegance. “Surely you must have practice some sort of method for getting here. Tell me, what sort of secret did you exploit to get this far?”. “Eh...N-no secret really. Just using my head’s all.” Clara responds. Finding her steed nudging her side with her head, the ursa arachnid reminds her to add: “And of course, Angelo too.”. The scientist gives her steed a warming head rub, Angelo letting out a happy grunt. “Well young miss, It best be in good sport to inform you that the first portain of the derby was merely just the start. To trim the fat off the competition like a well seasoned prime steak. I pray that you have enough brains to spare, lest you may find yourself swiftly losing them? The real race shall commence very shortly.”. With those words of warning, he departs from the bar, leaving the scientist quite humbled. That feeling of progression had quickly drained, knowing that much more difficult challenges lied in wait. Their brief rest had swiftly come to an end. The riders lining up to the starting line to continue the next part of their deadly derby. The official on the side begins his countdown: “On your marks. Get set…GO!”. Upon the go, the riders takeoff. This time with Clara going on the mark. She grasp a fair lead ahead from last place, passing by countless racers. The scientist gazes her surroundings, noting the buildings to be of much more manageable size. Looks like they’re breaching towards downtown Columbus. Might even be enough room do swing about. But before she could act, the competition around her pulls out their weapons and moves on the attack.. With swift paw, she escapes the crossfire and moves up one of the pieces of restored architect. Like a big, tantalizing red target, most of her opponents point their firearms straight towards the ascending bear spider. Taking cover atop the roof, she watches as the competition rides off towards the city. She takes a moment to herself, aiming Angelo’s backside to find the perfect angel to make the turn ahead. Lets hope all that practice didn’t go to waste. She pats Angelo’s back, commanding her to spit out her sticky silk towards one of the opposing buildings. Jumping off the complex, they briskly swing across the city block. The architect around them being nothing but a blur as they fly through the air. Just like they practiced, Angelo cuts her string at the rising arch of their swing and shoots another string towards the next building. Upon coming at the corner, she steers her steed towards the outer edge. Right when they’re about to enter the upcoming corner, Clara aims Angelo’s webs towards the inner corner and swings around the turn. The overwhelming centrifugal force rockets them through the street and towards upcoming competition. Overhead, a shadow passes under the riders and are in awe to behold the ursa arachnid that they left behind now swiftly gliding over them at breakneck speeds. Once their astonishment had settled however, they pull out their firearms and attempt to shoot the flying spider out of the sky. With the echo of gunshots right behind, she looks back and finds the cavalry firing in her direction. God, will these guys ever stop? One of them indeed does stop when a bullet passes through their skull and falls off their steed. What? How did that happen!? She could have sworn all of them were aiming in her direction. So what gives? Not to long after, the others are soon sniped, their limp bodies tumbling back. What the hell is happening!? Upon passing along the side of a building, Clara manages to spot a gunman in one of the open windows in the midst of hiding. Are these the snipers Rico mentioned? Guess that would explain the sudden shoot out from earlier? How many more of them are awaiting them ahead? You know what, it doesn’t matter. As long as they continue to swing through the streets as such, none of them can even hope of hitting them. A hypothesis that is quickly snuffed when the scientist feels a passing bullet graze the top of her head. Holy shit! That was close! Better speed things along before Manfred's prediction comes true. Coming along an intersection, she finds the path to be leading to the right. She readies to swing around the building like last time, spurting out a string of web along the near right corner. Amid her swing, a streaking knife flies through, severing Angelo’s silk prematurely. Upon their rough landing, Clara attempts to regain control of their balance. Right on the cusp of retreating their footing, something makes her steed cry out in pain. Along side her worry, she wonders what could be causing Angelo such agony. She looks around, wondering if that knife might have cut her or something whilst passing through. That’s when she finds a scaly equine biting down on one of the poor bear spiders legs, streams of red blood leak out between the chimera’s teeth. Atop the horse croc was one of Clara’s rivals; Oppela, sporting a crazed glare towards the scientist. A maniacal laughter escapes the leathery rider sharp teeth as she brandishes a set of sharp knives betwixt her fingers. She chucks the knives towards her preys head, Clara ducks under the cold fleeting steel. “Time to settle down at the campfire, my little marshmallow. I wanna take a bite outta your sugary hide!”. A threat that makes the scientist face flush red as she witnesses Oppela pulls out more knives from her satchel. She couldn’t tell whether her opponent was being literal or not and frankly, she wasn’t in any hurry to find out. Without hesitation, she begins to kick Oppela’s horse croc repeatedly in the face, hoping to loosen its sharp grip on Angelo’s bleeding limb. In the midst of evading the leathery woman’s irresponsible collection of sharp weaponry, she takes one of Angelo’s claws and has her swipe at the cold blooded stallions, making it release the ursa arachnid from its fangs. Watching as the scaly steed backs away, Clara takes the opportunity to shoot Angelo’s webbing towards its face. The sticky silk covering its line of site, Oppela’s steed flails out of control, the rider herself trying in vain to get the webs off her precious horse crocs face. A distraction that proved to be mortally fatal as a wayward sniper manages to shoot her through the side of her chest. Clara watches as both steed and rider tumble backwards out of their site. Turning back around, she notices Angelo’s beginning to slow down, possibly as a result from her injury. Hearing the very near sound of gunfire, she does not hesitate to retreat towards the wayside and into an alley before she shares the same fate as her previous foe. Once hidden from the looming threat of sniper fire, she checks up on where their scaly foe bit the poor bear spider. Thankfully, the bite marks weren't that deep, only being shallow enough to draw blood. Still, need to patch this mess up with something. But what? A look at the arachnids backside makes her wonder about a weird idea that floats in her mind. Patting the ursa’s back, she makes some of Angelo's silk come out and quickly laps up the webbing. She spreads the silk around the wound, weaving the silk around the scars and halting any more blood from leaking out. The patch job almost make it look like the bear spider was wearing a cast of sorts. How appropriate. “Can you move?” Clara asks her. In response, the fuzzy arachnid attempt to get up from the pavement. A little shaky of a rise, but she manages to stable herself and stands tall. “Awesome!”. Without any further stalling, she hops aboard her steed once again, commanding: “Now, lets get moving.”. They ride out of the alleyway, Angelo keeping her wounded leg off the ground as she crawled off. They soon come across a fork in the road, both paths traced with blue taping. Weird. She doesn’t remember a mention about a split in the path. Well, Rico did say that the race track was randomly planned, maybe this is just part of the process. She can’t really find any of the competition ahead on either way. Seems Clara might have to take a guess on this one. The split coming up, she swiftly heads down the right path out of impulse, not really sure where it might lead her. Much to her surprise, it actually leads to the next checkpoint. How lucky. Quickly, she heads in the open garage and comes to a halt. The pitstop seemed eerily empty. She couldn’t have gotten here that early, could she? That stop for Angelo’s leg did cost them quite a chunk of time. Not to mention, there were no officials either, not a single employee. The entire garage was reminiscent of a ghost town, the only thing filling the air was the echoing of a constant beep. She dismounts from her arachnid steed to investigate where the sound might be coming from. Clara follows the mechanical beeping towards the right where the food vendors would normally be. Looking over the counter, she doesn’t find anything that could be making it, but can hear the sound very clearly as if it were very near. Underneath, she finds something attached to the roof of the counter. She hops over to inspect, find a mechanical box with a red LED screen counting down. Oh no. It’s near zero. Clara waste no time in her escape, jumping over the counter and running back towards Angelo. As soon as she mounts, she whips her steeds reins, demanding: “Gotta bolt it outta here!”. The bear spider rushes out of the garage moments before the checkpoint is engulfed in a shattering explosion. The blast knocks them a fair ways, sending them tumbling through the streets. Upon looking back, Clara finds the garage to be reduced to be nothing more than rubble. Getting up upon her steed, she notices something about the blue lining leading to the destroyed garage. One of the pieces of rubble had seemingly scrapped the lines, but something was wrong. Upon further inspection, she finds the blue marking to be not sticky tape, but similarly colored blue chalk Unbelievable. She’s been duped. With quick step, she hastes back to the fork and down the other pathway. Although she witnesses the buildings around them growing, she fails to find her fellow riders ahead. Dammit! That decoy checkpoint ate up more of Clara’s time then she thought. She doesn’t know how far they are from the competition. They must be miles behind by now. Even if they swung through the city, she’s not sure they could make it in time. They could have already lost for all she knows. Seeing her rider upset like this makes Angelo look towards her surroundings. The bear spiders spots a complex in between two bigger pieces of architect. Against Clara’s wishes she starts to climb up towards the smaller building. “Whoa, whoa, where are you going?”. The scientist watches as her steed sticks the two ends of silk in between the buildings. Lining themselves up between the middle of the string, Clara wondering aloud: “Hang on. What are you...you...”. Her speech begins to die down when she finds a massive complex out in the near distance. The setting sun casting its massive shadow through the city. Clara realizes what Angelo wants to do. She looks down upon the bear spider, asking: “Are you sure you wanna go through with this?” Her steed responds with a worried, but determined groan. It seems like she really does. “Alright. Lets pull back.”. On her command, Angelo begins to pull upon her silk slingshot, stretching it out as far as she could. Clara has the bear spider aim slightly to the left before declaring: “Okay. Let’s fly.”. With those words, Angelo loosens her footing, flinging them across countless buildings below and towards the skyscraper ahead. Upon the track along the side, the riders in last place caught the glimpse of the duo gliding through the city sky. With the tower on the approach, Clara has Angelo stall for just moment before spurting out her webbing. Wait for it. Wait for it. Just a little more. Now! The scientist has her steed shoot out her silk towards the end of the building. As the centrifugal force flings them around the building, Angelo severs her string, careening them towards the front of the competition ahead. The wind blowing in their faces and first place on the horizon, a crescent hope fills within the two. At this rate of speed, they’re reach near first, maybe even pass it. Hope soon wavers when they witness another of their rivals, Manfred float in front of them as they near the front. “Quite the clever maiden, you are.” the aristocrat admires. Upon passing, his gorillaroo grabs hold of one of Angelo’s legs, both riders in a spin as Manfred shifts their velocity. “But not clever enough!”. Downward, the gentlemen sends them, plummeting towards the concrete streets below. Quickly, they plummet towards the ground. The streets approaching as they tumble. Passing by the architecture on their way down, Clara has Angelo spin her web towards one of the ascending complexes. The string hooks onto one of the buildings and swings them to safety. The concrete barely scrapes the scientists head as they swing far along the street. Seems they managed to safely escape from becoming a fleshy amalgam of red paste on the freshly paved roads. Although less could be said about their landing. Both of them roll through the city block, crashing into an opposing apartment complex. In their wreck, they find the tosser that just tossed them bouncing towards their direction. That mobile of an opponent could spell a lot of danger for them in the long haul. It’d be best to take them out a swiftly as possible, and Clara thinks she may know a way how. With hastes, both steed and rider pull themselves together and scuttle around the corner of the track. The aristocratic rider is rather perplexed, seeing no sigh of where his spidery opponent might have ended up as they descend. “Hmm...How peculiar. There appears to be no sign of a body of sort. Not even a single hue of red.”. With another leap off the ground, Manfred shrugs off the odd assumption in favor of boasting aloud: “Oh well, suppose it does not matter. Surely they could not have survived such a grizzly fate. The last checkpoint is near. And soon after, the finish line. I shall reclaim my rightful title yet.”. Distracted by his own snooty laughter, he fails to notice the white string in the way of their landing. The gentleman is promptly caught within the sticky silks reach, snapping his neck like a fragile twig. As the once proud aristocrat hangs from the white noose, his noble steed landing upon the concrete, wondering where its master might have disappeared. In their distraction, Clara and Angelo scuttle away, confirming their revenge. Soon after, they reach the actual checkpoint, confirmed by the riders and derby employees inside. Hopefully this one doesn’t blow up like the last one. Clara looks about, noticing that not a lot of racers hadn’t made it yet. Guess she has some time to kill. Might as well relax. After a quick snack break, a few more rider galloped into the checkpoint before the buzzer sounded off. With the close of the garage doors, the officials call out to the remaining racers: “Right. That’s 8 runners counted. Like the last checkpoint, you have 10 minutes to relax.”. Only 8 racers left? Such a fact astonishes the scientist. The last count was 21. More than 10 of them were snuffed out along the way. She figured that a few of them might have fallen for the traps and snipers set up throughout, and she might have had a hand of thinning the competition. But surely, she couldn’t have taken out that many. What happened to the rest. A question that his soon answered when a familiar rhino cheetah had approached, reeling back from the horn of the steed that was oozing with thick blood. She swears that she can make out a couple bits of guts decorating the pointed bone. Hearing a rough chortle above the mutant monster, she looks overhead and finds its respective punk rider. “I’ll be damned. Figure you might have ended up an example of horridly shitty blood art before making it here. Congrats kid.” Derake admits. “Oh um...thank you-”. “But you better not get too comfy, ya fucking rookie. The last stretch to the finish line is almost like a run through hell itself. All of us are hellbent to take home the gold, doing anything it takes to give them an edge. Everyone will be wanting to stop you. Everyone.  The riders be fierce. The guns be blazin. The traps be plenty. It’ll be a motherfuckin shit storm towards the finish, bitch! And you’ll have a front row seat through the whole damn maelstrom of blood fueled tenacity.”. A booming laughter escapes the punks lunges, echoing throughout the entire garage. The foreboding shadow covering Clara and Angelo shrinks as Derake takes his leave, parting with: “Let’s hope your ready for all this city has to offer. Cause it won’t hold back.”. Words of warning leave the scientist in a shake as she readies towards the finish line alongside the other racers. Looking aside, she could practically see the kill crazy determination behind their gazes, debilitating her own a fair bit. She begins to wonder if it’s even worth it to finish the race. It begins to sink in how lucky they’ve managed to be so far and worries when that her good fortune might run out soon. She wonders if she should just cut her losses and book it outta town as fast as she can. She’d hate to screw Rico over like this, and Angelo might refuse to follow her commands. Before she could ponder any further, the announcer begins the countdown to the start towards the finish. “On your marks...”. The racers tightened their grips on the reins of their steeds. “Get set.”. The mutant animals look ahead as they prepare to lunged through to the finish, their riders sharing in the feeling...well most of them anyway. Clara herself still somewhat regretting her, in hindsight, admittedly rash decision. Before she could back out, the official sounds off the: “Go!”. The herd of mutants charge forth, carrying their riders towards victory or death with Derake taking the immediate lead. Almost right our of the gate, the competition around the scientist threatens to murder one another with whatever they have. The bullets and cold steel littering the air along side the countless traps pick them off one by one. Dodging her competitor’s fire alongside weaving through the constant barrage of traps proved to quickly overwhelming for the scientist. Yeah, she’s not dealing with all this at once. Quickly escaping from the frantic folly, they crawl towards the side of the building and ascend the wall. Although the constant traps come to a halt, the gunfire does not. If they can start to swing, they’d have less stuff to deal with, all the more insensitive to scuttle towards the roof. On their trip up, the window in front of them spouts a burst of flames, knocking them towards the concrete below. Clara acts fast and has Angelo aim her webbing upward. The silk attaches to a building as they plummet, the momentum sending them swinging past the competition. Try as they might, the remaining riders could not shoot down this fuzzy web slinger. Swing on, spider bear, swing on. Ahead, they find their final rival, Derake, his rhino cheetah charging through whatever obstacle was in its way. Luckily for Clara, her and Angelo were swinging faster then they were running, meaning they can safely pass them without much scrutiny. Point one for physics. Seeing the bear spider swing past them, Derake pulls out a weird looking pistol and takes aim. “Oh no you don’t.”. Pulling the trigger, he sends a fireball straight for their webbing. The flare connects, igniting the silk and having the ember crawl towards Angelo’s backside. Wondering what that orange flicker behind her was, she looks back and finds the flames to be edging closer. “Ah! Angelo, cut the string! Cut the string!” she urges her steed. As commanded, the bear spider claws her string early, making them plummet towards the pavement. A little rough of a landing, but they manage to keep their speed nonetheless. They would swing once more, but find the buildings around them to be rapidly shrinking. Seems like they really are near the finish. A fact that is strengthened by a flares flying past Clara that is shot by a slowly approaching Derake. “End of the road, bitch. I’m in the mood for some scorched spider on a stick!”. Jeez! Seems the dude’s desperate to have them dead. Dodging the flares alongside the constant traps, she wonders why she didn’t bring a weapon of her own. She finds out of the traps ahead to be another one of those spring loaded guns that goes off. Evading the gunshot, she snatches the rifle off its hinge as she passes. This will work. Without hesitation, Clara takes aim towards the punks head and pulls the trigger. Unfortunately, nothing came out. Looks like it only had one shot in it. Dammit! Oh well, best hang onto it anyway. Could be used as a club or something. As they dodge flare after flare, the scientist wonders how many of those things this overcompensating asshole’s got. Dealing with him and the constant obstacles, Clara was on the brink of maddening frustration. She could barely think with all this chaos happening around her. She’d love to take one of those flares and shove it down that bastards-... That’s it! With the rhino cheetahs horn right on their tail, Clara repeatedly pats on Angelo’s backside. Her arachnid spews out as much silk as she possibly can. The wave of webbing covers both Derake and his vicious steed from head to toe. Although it makes them back away considerably, the webs don’t appear to slow down the beast, but Clara figured that it wouldn’t. The scientist knew that a monster that strong couldn’t be stopped by mere silk. Instead, she had a different strategy planned. Angered, Derake wipes the webbing of his lines of site and aims his flare gun towards Clara. Come on. Pull the trigger. His rage subsides when he sees the webbing that was left on his arm, causing him to look himself over. Looking down, he finds himself and his rhino cheetah covered in sticky and very flammable webbing. “Oh ho ho ho ho. You clever bitch. I almost fell for that.”. Much to Clara’s dismay, the punk rider throws his flare gun aside, shattering the scientist plans to pieces. “Nice try. But I ain’t that stupid.”. Son of a bitch is smarter than he looks. Now what? She need to think of something soon before the web covered bastard catches up. Ahead, she spots something gleaming in the distance. It was a discarded flare sitting on the wayside, its flames still alight. Maybe her plan could work after all. The pursuing punk closing in, he watches as his prey steers towards the edge. Clara wields the blunt end of her gun like a golf club, ready to smack the upcoming ball of flames back to its sender. Gotta time this just right. The moment on the rise, she swings her rifle with everything she’s got, sending the forgotten flare back to its sender. Upon impact, the webs surrounding both Derake and his steed were set ablaze, engulfing them in a raging pyre. The last line of snipers are taken aback, watching the burning champion crash into a building upon the turn. That distraction lets Clara slip by their sites. At long last, the finish line was along the horizon. This horrible nightmare of a derby was nearly over. Alongside the crowd, Rico looks ahead in amazement. He can’t believe the kid actually managed to survive. It looks like they might even win. A promise that gives both rider and trainer hope as Clara races towards the finish. That hope is extinguished in an act of cruel irony when a burning steed rushes past them and crosses the line before her. As the blazing racer skids to a halt, the flames surrounding him dye down, revealing Derake and his less than vicious beast. The crowd is swept up in a roar as the charred punk dismounts from his steed and runs in front of the crowd to boast. “Ah, hell yeah! You know it! You love it! The Columbus derby champion is on top once more, baby!”. Rico hopes out of the stands and runs towards the two whilst shouting: “Holy shit! Can’t believe either of you made it all the way through!”. He lowers himself toward Angelo’s head, asking his beloved bear spider: “Are you okay girl? Any scratches or bruises?”. The fuzzy arachnid bear rubs her head against her trainers, licking the clowns cheeks. Watching as the champion celebrates his victory, it makes Clara say: “I can’t believe it. I lit the bastard on fire and he still managed to win. How?”. “Take a look at his steed.” Rico tells her. “Huh?”. Back towards the punks rhino cheetah, she watches as the poor thing struggles to stand. “Seems like he took most of your flambe for him. Instead of putting out their flames, Derake ran him in a burning charge. He put his own desires above his steed.”. The charred chimera soon collapse upon the raceway in a smoking stupor. “Figure he may never race again.”. “He can’t do this, can he?” Clara wonders. “Anything goes in these races, kid. Even treating your ride like shit is viable.”. Rico than notices Angelo’s wrapped up leg, some of the bear spiders blood soaked through. “But, its far from what I can say about you, kid.”. Wondering what the trainer was on about, she notices him staring towards were she patched up her steeds leg. “Oh, um. Yeah. Something happened and I used Angelo’s webs to patch up the wound.”. She hears Rico let out a relieved moan, followed with: “Thanks for taking care of her, kid.”. “Uh, no worries. But...what now? I technically came in last place.”. A glimpse back as the smoking rhino cheetah, a tired sigh escapes his lungs. “I think I’m done.” he admits. “Done with what?”. “Done with all this derby shit. I’ve been stuck in a rut for so god damn long. Trying to climb me and Angelo out of the shit hole I made for us...I’m out of the game. Think I’ll try a different line of work. Hear the grocery store is hiring.”. “Bu-but, what about Angelo? Won’t the city take her away and put her down or something?”. “Yeah, they’d do that. Even piss at me if I objected to it. I mean, unless something happened that was out of my control. Like, uh...Dunno. Say some shitty kid up and stole her?”. As he states such a potential incident, he gives a slight smiling gaze towards the scientist. “Wait, are...Are you serious?”. “Dead serious. Just come back to the shack before you leave.”. The night sky settling upon the soon to be retired trainers humble abode, he hands Clara a few boxes of canned goods for her travels. “There we go. That should last the two of you a week or so.”. “I can’t believe your just letting me run off with her.”. “Better out there than in here.”. Angelo lets out a tearful moan, knowing that this might be the last time she’ll even see her beloved trainer. He lowers himself towards the bear spider, comforting her sorrow with: “I’ll miss you, girl. But I can’t take care of you anymore. Gotta go with the kid now. Take care of her, kay?”. With a final lick goodbye, Rico adds: “I love you too.”. Mounting her knew steed, she readies to set off. “Whelp. Better get going while its dark.”. Before she takes their leave, Rico has one more thing to tell the scientist. “Hey. Good luck crossing the border. Hope you find that friend your looking for.”. With a warm smile, she returns his best wishes with: “Thanks Rico. You too.”. Those final words spoken, the trainer clown watches as Clara and Angelo depart. Riding off from the city of Columbus as the stars above settle.

[darkhymns-fic]

Murder with a Side of Lies (Ch. 4)

Another new pocky-eating witness takes the stand, providing both Papyrus and Undyne a real challenge... As well as a chance for the great detective to show off his T.V. show trivia!

Fandom: Undertale Characters: Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, Mettaton, Sans Rating: PG Chapters: 4/8 Mirror Links: AO3, FF.net Notes: The sequel to Kidnappings in the Early Evening by Sky. A fusion of detective noir fiction and courtroom drama! All stories, art, etc., related to this main story will be under the tag #undertale noir. (chrono)

Suggested courtroom music!

First Chapter Previous Chapter Next Chapter

A Dame a Dozen

After another round of honorable flexing, Aaron appeared to be quite content. The audience settled, the judge snoozed, and the prosecutor posed. Of course, this is the norm for court cases, so I don’t really need to be telling you this, do I, notepad?

Sans yawned. “court’s in session.”

Despite an unhappy reunion with some old pals, Undyne refused to let it get her down. Arms crossed, lips splayed in a fang-filled grin, confidence swelled in her chest and burst into mine.  

Well… that was how we felt at the time at least. I wish I could say we never lost that feeling.

“You dorky detectives proud of yourselves, hm?” Mettaton mused.

Undyne let out a hearty laugh. “Of course! We can take on anything you throw at us!”

A noise which could only be described as pure pleasure passed through the prosecutor’s pipes. “Oh my, I do so hope that’s true, but alas, I fear otherwise!”

At the time, we had simply waved him off. While I always respected and looked up to Mettaton as a great performer, Undyne and I had an unbreakable bond of friendship! Just what could he possibly do to slow us down?

“Darling, darling, don’t be shy, you can come out now!” Mettaton murmured, motioning mildly.

“I-I-I’m coming, s-s-sorry.”

Undyne recognized that stutter instantly. Her confidence shattered.

“H-h-hi Undyne…” Alphys mumbled, attempting to make eye contact but only managing to stare at her yellow feet. “S-sorry.”

I certainly wasn’t ready for that either! Alphys wore her usual purple and black overalls filled to the brim with Mettaton flair. Although, something was off since I had last seen her. Her scales were paler than I remembered, like something had drained the color right out. Even when no one spoke, she winced in pain, rubbing her temples.

“Now now, don’t apologize, darling!” Mettaton cooed. “Please, do tell the court your name and occupation!”

The scientist appeared as if she had to think on this one. “I-I-I’m Dr. Alphys,” she stuttered. Much like Undyne, Alphys had a vice of her own. Unable to handle the pressure, she dug out a small box of candy sticks labeled ‘Pocky’ from her pockets, placing one of the chocolate sticks in her mouth. “I-I’m a scientist, obviously. I c-c-created Mettaton and he was k-k-kind enough to give me a job when he became a s-s-star.”

“Yes! And it’s a fabulous job, isn’t it? Could you ever ask for more?” Mettaton added, bathing in Alphys’ praise. “Tell the people how much you love it!”

Another wince. She held her eyes closed tight for a moment, shaking her head as if she were dizzy. “I-I do love it, y-yes…”

“Objection!” Undyne roared, slamming a fist into our desk. The outburst startled Alphys, causing her to sporadically eat her candy even faster. “Don’t force Alphys to praise you!”

“I-i-it’s all right, Undyne, really,” she tried to say, but no one was listening.

“Forcing praise? Me?” With a dignified twirl the rascally robot faced his audience. “How can I force anyone to love me when they already do?” He held out his arms and basked in their uproarious applause. I had to try my darndest not to join in! It looked like so much fun! But Undyne would probably get mad if I did.

A vein pulsed across my fishy friend’s forehead, threatening to burst! Scary! Splinters of wood exploded in every direction as she pounded her fist harder and harder into the desk. “You worthless trash bin! You’re completely blinded by that fat ego of yours! You don’t care how she feels at all!”

I frowned. Ironically, it seems I was the only one paying attention to Alphys at this point. The poor girl wanted to be anywhere else but in the middle of this. “G-g-guys…”

Another wagging finger as Mettaton reflected the insults away effortlessly. “Hmm? Some nerve calling me a trash bin when you still have spaghetti stuck to your hair.” He laughed. “Or is that just your natural hair color? Week-old spaghetti?”

Her eyelid twitched, and her lip oozed frightening dark stuff from grinding her fangs too hard. I tried my best to soothe her rage. “UNDYNE, THAT’S NOT SO BAD! I LOVE SPAGHETTI!” That only seemed to enrage her further.

She turned her head to face me and that lone eye of hers burned brighter than a gasoline fire. For once, I found myself speechless.

Fart fart fart. PPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAART!

The room went completely silent. Mettaton’s lights went out, Undyne’s rage was replaced with an inexplicable confusion, and the audience was absolutely dazed.

“heh, good ol’ whoopee cushion,” Sans laughed contently, holding his gavel above the rubber toy. “i don’t want this trial turning into a big ‘ol stinker, (heh) ok, fellas? how about we let alphys speak instead of fighting over her.”

Normally, I’d be incredibly angry at my brother for being so childish! But, that was incredibly effective! Even I couldn’t get control over Undyne! Her fiery hatred was doused once she saw her girlfriend gnawing down those candy sticks faster than a beaver hyped up on coffee.

Of course, this didn’t mean Undyne was going to apologize any time soon! “Yeah. You’re right,” she said solemnly, crossing her arms.

“GREAT JOB, YOUR MAJESTY!” I gave a thumbs-up to my bro, who in turn got me a wink back.

“Your Honor,” Undyne corrected.

“HONORABLE, YOU MEAN. I AM HONORABLE, YES I AGREE!”

“No, I mean – ngah, forget it.” She sighed.  “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Agreed.” The boxy bot bowed brilliantly. “Alphys, darling, if you could tell us what you know?”

Alphys let out a startled ‘meep’ once the attention was finally back on her, scattering her precious candy sticks across the floor. “O-oh, yes. Of c-c-course!” She pulled out a piece of paper with a big-headed big-eyed human on the top corner. “I-I did an analysis on the d-d-dust once the dogi brought it to me last night. According to my t-t-tests, Burgerpants’ estimated time of death should be very close to 8:30 PM.”

“HOLD IT!” I shouted, causing Alphys to jump in shock and scramble for her paper. “WOULD YOU MIND TELLING US HOW YOUR TESTS CAME TO THIS CONCLUSION MS. ALPHYS?”

Gasps and wheezes blew out of her lungs as she attempted to correct her breathing. “Y-y-yes. R-r-right.”

Undyne was concerned. “Hey, Pap, mind trying not to yell so much? She looks a bit more nervous than usual.”

I nodded. I’d try my best at least?!

Deep breaths. Alphys nodded to herself and continued, “T-t-to put it simply, I test the dust’s t-t-t-temperature. Based on how warm or cold it is; I can p-p-pretty much accurately find out the monster’s time of death. When I received B-B-Burgerpants’ dust later that night, I noticed straight away how w-w-warm it still was. He c-c-clearly had fallen down quite recently.”

“INTERESTING!” I mused. Undyne glared. I coughed and tried to clear my non-existent throat. (It’s very therapeutic even if I don’t have one!) “Interesting. What about the rain? Wouldn’t that have messed up your calculations?” Boy, I had to really really strain my voice just to keep it this low!

She shook her head. “I a-a-accounted for the rain, don’t worry. Even with all that, it was still quite w-w-warm.”

“To add on to that,” Mettaton interrupted, tossing a handful of glamorous glitter our way. “Catty was found with the burgers and the dust of our dearly deceased at almost exactly 8:30 PM as well.”

The judge was laying his skull on his arms, looking drowsy. “that’s some pretty hot evidence against the defendant.” Gah! Puns aside, he was right!

Another wag of the finger. “Oh, but that’s not all, darlings! My sweet Alphys also witnessed the deceased’s final hours!”

My eyes bulged out of their sockets at what felt like a terrible blow to our defense. Nyeh! Not that I was afraid or anything!

Alphys was positively shoveling that pocky down her throat, sweat dripping from every angle I could imagine. “Y-y-y-yes, it’s t-t-t-true. I w-w-w-was at w-w-work at the time and I s-s-saw Burgerpants l-l-l-leave at 8:00 PM. H-h-he even said he was g-g-g-g-going to meet Catty.”

“I can corroborate that,” Mettaton chimed in. “As his wonderful boss, he gladly told me that he was going to see a friend that night! I didn’t see him leave, however, but luckily I can always count on my darling Alphys!”

“HANG ON!” I yelled again, before remembering to use my quiet voice. “What’s your relationship with the victim? What was his job?”

Mettaton’s lights animated into a bright red exclamation mark. “Oh my, how silly of me! I should have mentioned this before! Burgerpants was a dear dear employee of mine. He worked in the fast food department of MTT studios. He absolutely loved his job and loved me with all his heart!” He placed a hand against his ‘forehead’ and made like he was going to faint. “Oh, my dear sweet Burgerpants! How I miss thee!”

Call me crazy, but I don’t think he missed thee at all!

This was quite the evidence they had against Catty! I must admit, I was floundering a bit behind the desk. Undyne was lost in thought, however, moving her cigarette carelessly between her lips.

“Ms. Alphys,” I said through strained tones. “You’re sure you saw Burgerpants that night?”

Her glasses fogged up and her breathing intensified again. I wasn’t even loud! That shouldn’t have startled her! “Y-y-yep! 8:00 PM! For s-s-sure!” She tried to give me a confident smile, but it kind of just unnerved me.

Mettaton motioned with what appeared to be a nod. “Alphys was scheduled to work till 8:00 PM that night as well, so you can be sure she’s telling the truth.”

This didn’t seem right! Alphys was extra nervous, even for her! Could she be lying about when she last saw Burgerpants? Why would she lie? Even if she was, how could I possibly prove it?

I looked over to Undyne for assistance. Who would know more about Alphys than her girlfriend, of course! But she remained strangely quiet, staring ahead, deep in thought again. “UNDYNE!” I whisper-yelled, breaking her out of the trance. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS?”

She frowned, unable to keep eye contact with me. “I might. But…”

“BUT WHAT? THE UNDYNE I KNOW WOULD NEVER HESITATE!”

A few blinks. Undyne kept her voice low. “I don’t know. Alphys is already so stressed, you know? She looks sick with it even. I don’t want to embarrass her or anything,” she sighed. “Like I did with Dogamy and Dogaressa.”

Ah, of course. Undyne was a fierce warrior, but she’d never hurt her friends! On purpose, that is. Well, maybe a little on purpose, but usually only with physical violence.

“CATTY IS DEPENDING ON US, THOUGH!” I argued. “WE PROMISED WE’D HELP HER! YOU DON’T WANT SOMEONE TO GET FALSELY ACCUSED IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING, RIGHT? IMAGINE IF I GAVE SOMEONE A PLATE OF SPAGHETTI AND I KNEW IT WASN’T ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS! THAT WOULD BE WRONG!”

She thought on that for a moment. “I’m not so sure about that analogy, but I guess you’re right.” Undyne clenched her fist. “Justice needs to be delivered.” Just like my delicious spaghetti! Justghetti! Oh! I’m keeping that one!

“Tick, tock, darlings!” Mettaton mimed a watch on his hand. “Or have you finally given up?”

“We’ll never give up,” Undyne grinned, eye flaring with a magical light. “Alphys.”

The mousy lizard flinched at that. “Y-y-yes, Undyne?”

My fishy friend calmly placed her palm down on the battered desk. “You say you saw Burgerpants leave work at 8:00 PM last night. Sunday, wasn’t it?”

Pant. Wheeze. Alphys was sweating more bullets than a machine gun. “Y-y-yep! Sunday at 8:00 PM!”

“I have a hard time believing that.” Undyne’s eye was sharper than her spears.

Alphys laughed, but it was a high-pitched laughter. “W-w-why would you think that?”

Her words were slow. Deliberate. “Game of Bones. I know you’ve heard of it. It airs new episodes every Sunday at 8:00 PM.”

Oh! Game of Bones! I loved that show! It was about skeletons living in medieval times, fighting for a chance to sit on the Bone Throne! The show is filled with betrayal, twists, and steamy romances! I never miss it myself.

Judging by Alphys’ reaction, she appeared to be quite the fan, too! Her eyes lit up for but a moment at the mention of the name, ready to gush. “S-s-sure! I l-like Game of Bones! S-so what?”

Undyne frowned and pointed an accusing spear her way. “I watch it with you every week! You’d never miss even a second of it, no matter what!”

Wowie! What a twisting attack! But, this didn’t have the effect on Alphys that I thought it would! She didn’t get nervous at all! In fact, her face crinkled up in what looked to be anger.

A pocky stick in her grip crumbled to dust in her claws. “Y-yeah?! W-w-what do you know! You weren’t with me t-t-this week!”

I don’t think Undyne was ready for that either. The counter attack nearly knocked her off her feet, leaving her stunned. Now that I think about it, Sunday night was the time Undyne was sad and missing from work. I guess she was avoiding Alphys during that time as well.

A fit of loud clapping brought all our attentions back to Mettaton who’s lights blinked with distraught. “There’s a problem with your little theory, darling. First of all,” he held up one finger. “Alphys would never ditch work like that!” He held up two fingers. “Second of all, why wouldn’t she just record the show to watch later?”

Alphys was nodded angrily, chomping into her pocky with an aggression that could only be matched by her girlfriend. “Y-y-yeah!”

A flick of the wrist, so lax and so simple, and their attacks were deflected. Undyne’s grin was wild, untamed, as if she were in the heat of real battle. “If I’m understanding correctly, you should have had no time to watch Game of Bones yet, right Alphys? You must have been working with Mettaton on those tests non-stop.”

Metal screeched and hissed inside his chassis. “Of course she was working with me, darling,” the words were spit out like battery acid. “Alphys is a hard worker and would do anything for me. The only shows that could possibly make her slack off would be my own!”

Alphys nodded, but her anger had tensed. Her armor cracked. Clear to all, especially Undyne. “I-I-I was planning to watch it after the trial was over!”

Mettaton’s lights blinked way too brightly. His glitter-filled gloves gripped and grappled his desk with such a grievous force. “Exactly, darling, and there’s no way you could prove she watched it!” He cheered and posed for the audience, but it was stiff and angry. Undyne had gotten under his plated skin.

Undyne’s words were as smooth as water, as still as a light brook in the forest. “You’re gonna have to try a little harder than THAT.”

A short circuit. A skull and cross bones animated itself over Mettaton’s body, blinking blood red. No one was supposed to outdo him! No one could steal the show from him! “You! You’re just bluffing! A cheap bluff, too! No one should be falling for this amateur act!” Wowie! I think steam was literally whistling out of his body?

His words were nothing but a cool breeze to her. In fact, Undyne appeared to enjoy it. “Oh, Papyrus!” she called out politely.

Oh yeah! I’m here! Wowie, I was so enthralled in their battle, I completely forgot! “YES, UNDYNE?”

She faced me, but her eye was locked on Alphys. “Can you tell me what your favorite part of Game of Bones was last night?”

Before I could even think to speak, a shrill “S-S-stop! Spoilers!” rang out. If I had any ears, I’m sure they would be ringing after that.

Alphys fell right into Undyne’s trap, and both knew it all too well. Still, neither planned to give up. Mettaton, however, was left out, and furious about that fact.

“But, I need to prove a point here, Alphys,” Undyne cooed almost sarcastically. “A few spoilers to prove you’re not lying in a court of law shouldn’t be so bad, right?”

“yeah, considering this is a murder case and all, i’d say a few show details wouldn’t spoil the case,” Sans added. “i’ll allow it.”

Mettaton’s fingers twitched and clenched at the edge of his desk, ready to throw the entire thing in a fit of anger. “Alphys, darling,” his voice was spiking and crackling. “It’s just some stupid show. I’m not even in it! It can’t be that important!”

The pocky must have been consumed by the pound at this point. In her haste, she bit her finger on accident and screeched. “F-f-fine! I-it’s just a d-d-dumb show! I-I don’t care!”

I could swear that Undyne had a heroic wind blowing through her hair somehow. “Go, ahead, Papyrus! Tell us about some of your favorite scenes last night!” The wind stopped howling for a moment. “But, uh, a bit quietly please. For Alphys.”

Oh boy! Well, there was so much! Where to even start? Game of Bones was one of my favorite shows!

“It was all so perfect!” I started, really trying to contain my voice. Even just those words caused Alphys to cringe, but I haven’t the foggiest idea what was so wrong with that. “Tybia Boneister was great! Sure, he was small, but using his intellect and cunning, he was able to escape out of all sorts of sticky situations!”

“yeah, that guy’s my favorite.” Sans winked.

“Oh, and then there was Jon Bone!” I went on, remembering. “He got into some antics with a girl skeleton and she kept saying ‘You know something, Jon Bone? I really like you!’ Boy, was that funny!”

Alphys was breathing heavily. Her glasses were completely fogged up now, keeping her eyes hidden from all of us.

“I know it’s hard to believe, that I, The Great Papyrus, might weep, but when Bonesis sacrificed his favorite toy so that he could win the baseball game…” I sniffled. Just thinking about it gets me feeling like jelly! “I cried! The writing was so beautiful! To think he still lost that game… I was so sad!”

Alphys held up a finger like she was about to halt me. She mumbled something to herself and shook her head. Mumbled a few more words. Shook her head more. She nodded. Was she having an argument with herself? I hoped she was okay. Undyne urged me to keep going, but I was starting to fear for Alphys’ safety.

“Then there was this part with Sir Bony Stan! Oh! We finally got to see him use his mythical karate chop slams!” I mimicked the fight to the best of my ability, and it was amazing, of course. Everyone was impressed. “The end of it though…” I know I was given the okay to spoil it, but I didn’t want to. “Well, let’s just say it was a great fight and ended perfectly!”

Something cracked. Eh? Glass crunching? Or the sawing of wood? What was-

“NO! NO! NO, NO NO! IT WAS SO STUPID!” the voice screamed. Alphys?! “It was completely different in the manga! Sir Bony Stan was the best karate fighter in the entire Game of Bones universe! How did he get beaten by a bunch of fat untrained rich guys like that?”

I faltered. “W-WELL HE WAS SURROUNDED--”

Alphys slammed a claw down on the podium, breaking it in half. “Surrounded?! So what!? The greatest karate master shouldn’t have gotten into a situation where he was surrounded!” Her words exploded out of her lungs clearly and passionately. “In the manga, he was able to get SIX homeruns in a row, without even using a bat! Just by using his karate alone!”

“O-OH. W-WELL I DIDN’T READ THE MANGA SO--”

Alphys huffed. “Of course you didn’t read the manga! I could crush my glasses on the floor and I’d still be able to see you didn’t read the manga!”

“I-I DIDN’T--”

The scientist didn’t stop there. “Ugh! Bonesis would never sacrifice his favorite toy either! That’s not canon at all! It was so dumb! He loved that toy! In the manga at least, but clearly the show doesn’t care about its plot anymore if last night’s episode is anything to go on!”

The rants went on for about five or ten minutes. I chose to leave that part out because Alphys started using some language that I refuse to repeat! Even Undyne looked a little scared, but also proud?

Once she had gone through the entire episode in extraordinary detail and told us why parts of it were terrible, the little lizard finally returned to her original form. The silence was so thick and uncomfortable I could taste it. Tasted like instant noodles?

Mettaton had shut down during the rant. His lights slowly flickered back to life once he realized the torture was over. “Alphys,” Mettaton mumbled meagerly. He reached out towards the heavens as if the gods themselves unfairly tortured his soul. “Alphys, darling, you’ve killed me.”

Well, that was a bit overdramatic, even for Mettaton! But, was he really acting anymore?

“S-s-sorry…” Alphys stuttered out through heaving breaths, rubbing her temples. The poor girl drifted back and forth in a woozy rhythm, leaning against the splintered and battered podium. “I-I… I shouldn’t have lied to you, Undyne.” The fishy girl frowned. “Or to you, Mettaton.” The confident computer blinked silently. “I s-s-shouldn’t have lied to anyone.”

The room was still. Neither side could find what to say. Only Alphys could continue. “I-I’ve been so stressed lately.” She kept her eyes to the ground. “I-I’ve had more work on the side than just for you, Mettaton.” He didn’t pose, he didn’t reply in a sassy tone, he simply listened. “And I knew Undyne was going through a t-t-tough time too. I-I didn’t want to be selfish. I wanted to be s-strong for everyone.”

“Alphys,” Undyne said reflexively.

“No, no,” Alphys shook her head. “I-I won’t pretend it was a good excuse to lie. My testimony should be inadmissible.” She sighed heavily. “If I’m going to be c-c-completely honest here, I don’t even know if the time of death is correct. I haven’t b-been able to rest enough, and my temperature readings just weren’t making sense.” She finally looked over to Mettaton. “I’m s-sorry. I really m-messed this up.”

A strange thing happened then.

“No, darling, I’m sorry.” Mettaton apologizing? I’ve never even seen him do that in a TV show! “I’ve overworked you and I’ve taken you for granted, haven’t I?” His voice was soothing, sweet. Real, even. “Without you, I wouldn’t even exist. I should have listened to you, I should have noticed you were struggling, but I have a hard time focusing on anything but myself, I suppose. I know it won’t mean much now, but I’m going to give you a few days off.”

Alphys must have been expecting backlash. She was surprised, but relieved to hear those words. “T-that would be really nice. Thank you, Mettaton.”

Such a touching moment! My bony heart wanted to burst! “Awwww!” the audience and I murmured in unison. Rose in hand, spotlight sparkling, Mettaton’s chassis blinked with a bright red heart over his screen. He basked in their praise a little too much.

“while i’m really glad we finally learned what’s up with the doc,” Sans chuckled. I don’t get it! “with the testimony being inadmissible and all, we’re gonna need some more evidence to prove catty meowled the victim.”

Yes! Things were going in our favor again! I just hope something doesn’t pop up at the last second and –

“Hold it! (Yeah, hold it!)” barked a couple of voices. Aw, geez. “We’ve found some new evidence at the crime scene! (Yeah, see! We’re good dogs!!)”

Tongues lolling and muzzles panting, the dogi couple scampered up onto the court stage, overshadowing Alphys’ meager form quite easily. They were running in circles, their tails wagging every which way.

Sans called them over. “what’d ya find?” he asked.

The dogi were too excitable and couldn’t stand still.

“sit,” Sans ordered casually, but with a hint of sternness. 

Dogamy sat almost instantly. Dogaressa was a bit shocked but then realized she’d probably be out of a treat if she didn’t follow suit, so she sat too.

“drop it.”

They handed it over to Aaron the bailiff who handed it over to Sans.

“good dogs.”

At the sound of praise, the dogi immediately lost control of their enthusiasm again, hopping around and doing circles with each other all while still nuzzling and licking.

Mettaton was quite interested. “Well? Don’t keep us in suspense! What is it?”

Sans held the evidence in his phalanges casually, flipping the tiny pink thing through his bony fingers. The light of his eyes focused and stared. “ain’t got a clue,” he shrugged.

“It’s a nail! (A nail from that cat!)” the dogi barked. “We found it at the crime scene! (It’s pink! We had someone else check!)” Dogaressa growled her last words out, clearly not wanting to admit or remind anyone about their color-blindness. 

Aww, it really was pink this time. Catty certainly seems the type to have pink nails, too. This couldn’t be good.

Sans looked over the evidence one last time. It was incredibly shiny, gaudy even. “yeah, does appear to be a nail, doesn’t it…” his words vanished as he became lost in thought.

Mettaton managed to clap his hands together quite loudly. “Y-your Honor!” A stutter? “If I might make a suggestion! I think we should take a thirty-minute break to analyze this new evidence and see where to go from here!”

Sans nodded, and suddenly the new evidence couldn’t be less important to him. With a flick of a wrist, he tossed it aside. “sure, why not? i could use another nap. any objections?” He looked our way.

As much as it pained me to not scream another loud ‘objection’ at the top of my magical lungs, I had to keep my cool! “NO OBJECTIONS, YOUR MAJESTY!”

“cool. meet back in a half-hour or whatever,” he yawned, placing his sleepy skull down into his arms.

Just what could this new evidence mean? Sure, the dogi claimed it was Catty’s but I had a strange feeling about it. Undyne agreed with me. Even Mettaton was particularly panicky!

Oh! Where did Alphys go?

She must have left when no one was looking.