#i feel like i cant take myself seriously like i dont deserve that the way other people do

[garpond]

literally all i am irl is something for people to make fun of LOL

[actualbird]

this sounds rly weird to say but stick with me - i wish luke would get ill in canon. obviously he has a terminal illness which would weaken his immune system and while it’s great he’s physically fit i mean SURELY he’s way more susceptible to getting seriously ill from a cold/the flu, right?? idk i think i just want to see him being taken care of bc he deserves it but also i do like the idea of him being taken care of by the nxx and them looking out for him when he gets seriously ill from a virus/bug etc etc

i got this ask Before main story 9 dropped but only after did i wanna answer it because i totally feel u.....

i feel like tot doesnt let luke get smaller ails in canon because hes already dealing With The Big One Thats Killing Him (any more wld be overkill?). and though it's also true that neurological conditions dont necessarily always affect the immune system, it's still a dang shame cuz like u, i'd adore a story where it's the others taking care of him when hes down with a bad case of the flu....and given recent main story events, i reALLY WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE TEAM HELP LUKE WITH A LOW-STAKES AIL :(((

in true luke fashion, he'd probably keep it under wraps and make excuses until his absence at an nxx meeting cannot be ignored and they crash his apartment to see him in a MISERABLE little pile of blankets trying to remedy this by himself

mc: why didnt you tell us!!!! >:O

luke: it's not a big deal :( it's just the flu and already called aaron for doctor's advice and meds and everything, i can take care of myself

vyn: have you been hydrating?

luke, nervously: ..............yyyyyes?

artem, looking in his fridge: theres nothing in here but peanut's treats, what have you been feeding yourself?

luke, still nervously: ffffood?

marius, finding a pack of sliced bread near his bed: dude, have you just been eating bread???

luke, increasingly nervously because hes fighting for his life out here: i cant stomach anything else for some reason!!!

mc: uh huhhhh, you seem to be doing a Great job at taking care of this yourself :/

luke: ;-;

cue the team helping out: helping in cleaning the place up (when luke is miserable his place gets even Messier), cooking simple foods (artem's soup to the rescue), etc etc. luke would be So apologetic during the whole thing, constantly apologizing for being a bother, which is both depressing and grating to hear. mc almost wants to take two piece of sliced bread and sandwich luke's face in them to tell him "STOP SAYING SORRY!!!" but she knows thatll probably make him feel worse, so she restrains herself

for all luke's apologizing, he does feel better with the team helping out. but then he feels bad about feeling better (because HOW DARE HE....AFTER HE INCONVENIENCED THEM ALL!!!) and it's this terrible ouroboros of shame

eventually, mc sends the other boys out on a grocery run to help stock luke's fridge with fruits and other good snacks-for-sick-person, and alone in luke's apartment she sits next to him.

mc: hey, tell me the truth. you knew you were doing a cruddy job at looking after yourself, you knew you shouldve asked for help. why didnt you?

luke: ...i dont...like it...i dont like you or the others seeing me like this

mc: pathetic?

luke: i mean, yeah. but i meant....sick. i dont like you guys seeing me sick. because of, yknow.....being sick and useless and helpless, it feels like a prelude, and everyone else is burdened picking up the pieces around me.

mc: oh

luke: yeah

mc: hm. youre an idiot

luke: ????

mc: i cant speak for the others, but i can tell you that i surely dont mind seeing you like this if it means i can help. dont you always tell me to rely on you more? how about you return the favor, luke. let us help, sometimes. let me help.

and we all know shes way too good at setting up a winning argument.

by the time the others get back, luke is a more cooperative patient and a less-apologetic one. in the back of his mind, he figures it cant hurt to let himself feel okay getting help every once in a while.

[about27th]

job hunt tipssssss (and lessons learnt..)

tailor your resume to each position you apply

(1) always make your employers' job easier

include only the relevant experience and keep the descriptions straightforward.. recruiters are basically just ticking boxes, make it easy for them to do so or expect them to bin your CV after a quick glance

(2) have too many part-time/work gaps?

i highly recommend using a skill-based CV than a chronological CV for this case; not only is it waaaaaaaaaay easier to prepare but also makes your experience look more put-together since you can mix & match your relevant skills.. give it a shot if you've inconsistent work history or want to have a career change; i should mention it's also a game changer for people whom English isn't the first language

(3) review your cover letter before heading to an interview

i mean you've already explained why you're a great fit for the job in the application, just take advantage of that effort and reiterate everything during the interview --- preparation done!

dont use the same answer for interviews

.. it'll definitely make you come across as average

there are 3 key and frequently asked questions you should be ready for:

(1) tell me about yourself

start with a basic introduction, followed by your previous work experience (again, making them relevant to the job) and wrap up with a glimpse of your personality -- for instance, say something like.. I see myself as an ambitious and self-motivated person (.. and how these qualities fit the job profile!)

(2) what do you know about us/ why do you want to work for us

always research the company; mention its values or services, and how they resonate with you

(3) what can you offer us/ why do you think you suit this job

highlight how your experience aligns with the job requirements; this demonstrates your dedication and preparation.. and also shows the employer what they can expect from you

i hate interviews (who doesnt?).. i believe many of us are very qualified for jobs we're interested in but often struggle to demonstrate our competence effectively; my way to make the process less agitating is to view it as a cool opportunity for employers to learn about us: it's not an exam.. rather, it's a level playing field where two or more strangers come together to mutually explore each other.

This is your chance (after putting so much effort into preparing the application) to shine and let them know you're the perfect fit for the job they're offering!

never trust the reaction of the interviewer!

some interviewers acted super affirmative to each of my responses, making me feel like i was nailing the interview.. but then i ended up getting no job; i understand the intention is to encourage interviewees during the process, but pls dont take them too seriously and get carried away

stay focused and humble instead

always reflect after each experience (exactly what i'm doing now)

it's important to reflect on your performance and seek improvement for future applications

i always discover areas that could be done better while preparing for new job applications, even though i felt that i'd already given my best for the last one

the competition is fierce but dont worry about competing with others (what you cant control); instead, concentrate on what you can control --- demonstrating how you're the best candidate!

always put yourself in your employer's shoes and do the homework; focus on the good and keep trying, one day all your hard work will pay off and get the job you deserve

.

(i regret so much that i didnt perform better during my interview🥲i dont want the same to happen to you, pls take my tips and prepare as much as you cn💔)

[magmythedevil]

Hi! So I've got a question, what are your opinions and thoughts on the YouTuber, "Vanitymoth" he's kinda a Murder Drones reviewer and has done a couple of content related to the series, I'm interested if you heard of him or see his contact and I wanted to know your thoughts, it looks like he'll also be reviewing EP 6 which is probably gonna be negative because that's just how he is unfortunately.

And that's honestly my main issue with him, now it's fine having opinions and being honest and not sugar coding anything, but it just feels like this dude is negative about almost everything he reviews (somebody even pointed that out in his comments+ community post and said that's just how he rolls) he isn't fun, funny and just not entertaining. And he's also kinda boring to listen to as well, imo and just not very fun to watch, he also made a horrible and trashfire review of Lackadaisy. It also feels like him and others are kinda turning on Murder Drones and are disliking it because of it's story direction...and it makes me wonder sometimes, is MD REALLY a bad show and not as good as we thought, and do fans just have their rose tinted glasses on and are only trying to see the positive side and ignore criticism? Do you believe the show is good, or is it going downhill like others have been saying? I'm still new to the show myself and wanted to know your thoughts on this, it kinda does feel sad people are turning on MD (people still wanna compare it to shows like HB, some have said it's going downhill and turning bad like that show) as I think it's still a unique and watchable show and it honestly deserves it's love and support, it's not perfect..but I still feel saddened it's being hated and torn apart now by some, especially by some toxic fans, fans on reddit and Vanitymoth himself. :(

Honestly that guy probally has a very biased opinion on the show at this point. It never feels like he gets satisfied with anything from the show anymore. (And i really feel like it has something to do with Nuzi )

And all the bad reviews i have been seeing can be resumed to a simple "Its not the same thing that used to be" or "this is not the direction i wanted" tbh

I guess they thought Liam was a edgy guy who only enjoys creepy and meta dark edgy stuff. They din't expect to the guy to be an actual writter lmfao

Am i saying this show is perfect? Ofc not. But all the reviews i have seen so far from the people who dont have any weird bias are saying this episode was one of the most greatest yet, im not a writter but i can totally agree with that, in the same way i agreed with them with how "home" really was one of the weakest/most confusing

I honestly don't think majority of these guys are giving genuine criticism, they just really weren't expecting to the show to go to such an emotinal direction.

If you ever see any blog or post with a person giving GENUINE criticism feel free to send it to me to talk about it! But for now i cant really take those guys seriously, they all sound so petty and childish

Even the comments of his community post are saying "if you dont think this episode was good idk what to tell you" lmfaool

Also, If they really think dead end was a weak episode they are INSANE these people are blind hello?????

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, im kinda just looking for some like, reassurance maybe. or something like that idk

so where i live, a lot of people are pretty outwardly ableist. if youre autistic, or mentally ill, or anything other than abled and allistic you Will be bullied for it (and youll be lucky if anyone takes your disability seriously, if youre not entirely wheelchair-bound)

i am autistic, mentally ill, have poor hand joints (its similar in some ways to arthritis), repetitive strain injuries, some form of lumbar lordosis, have pretty miserable ibs and very, VERY likely have cushings disease (we're trying to schedule my specific cortisol blood test right now), but due to being surrounded by said ableism, ive kind of gotten it in my head that i dont count as disabled (despite being, Factually, disabled, due to my autism). i feel bad for even trying to lump myself in with "Actual" disabled people (more obviously physically disabled, use canes or wheelchairs and such) because i have it Easier than them, which is a really stupid thought but i cant seem to stop feeling like im lying or betraying people somehow when i say im disabled.

sorry for the bother, hope your day is going well. thanks.

Hello anon,

I’d like to extend my deepest sympathies as someone with invisible illnesses as well, and assure you are not bothering anyone by seeking reassurance around it.

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with co-morbidities and how it (sadly, yet understandably) impacts your daily living.  I found no less than three articles that might help offer some additional assurances that you are definitely not on an island on your own (though I can appreciate how sometimes the guilt and stigma could leave you feeling that way) - and each article also includes suggestions, and ideas for self-help, advocacy and support.

The Challenges of Living with Invisble Illness via Psychology Today

What is Invisible Illness via Verywell Mind

You Don’t Look Sick: Uncovering and Understanding Invisible Illness via BetterUp

I hope that at the very least, it might be the first step in how to give yourself the compassion you deserve as you navigate not only illnesses you can’t help having but also as you find a support system that (at the very least) sees your personhood and struggles and does not immediately dismiss them.  You deserve people in your corner <3

I wish you well - and hope your day is lovely, too :)

- Mod Kat

[yourcalamity]

im seriously struggling again and suicidal on a daily basis again and people in my life telling me they worry again but i dont need your worry weighing on my conscience if it isnt going to actually lead to anything it frustrates me so much. i get lashed out at for being severely depressed or not coping well and then im blamed for not asking for help when i have to actively fight for it every time, when the pattern of anger and upset when i need someone else to take care of me or i set a boundary is always there before i can get anything out of the conversation in the first place, like thats going to encourage me to trust anyone more or not think of myself as a burden or not want to just stop talking to everyone and stop seeing all of my doctors or taking my meds or trying until i die from self neglect. i wish i could just choose to be selfish and cut all of this out of my life but i cant do that i still love everyone when i get treated this way i just see myself as the problem i feel like i deserve it. i know its not healthy but idk how else to exist and everyone even the best person we all know is willing to take advantage of that whether theyre aware of it or not it just sucks i just wanted to be a normal person with a normal life but i got born in a ditch and ive been digging the wrong direction ever since

[franciskirkland]

Alright to start this ask off I'm just gonna say my interactions w/ you have genuenly been one of the funniest ive had in a long ass time. I've read ur recent post and I empathyse a lot. You seem incredibly funny and genuine. Idk your situation and your background and even your age, but I think you can and are pulling through. Things will get better even if you dont actively want them to. Im not saying this in a vague hope to make the situation you are in better. Im telling you, as a person who from the age of 14 went from therapist to therapist, somehow been on meds that dont fuckin exist yet in croatia, someone who feels trapped in the very /country/ she lives in with no means of escape, someone who is "waiting" for things to finally financially/academicaly/politicaly be better so that I can make something of my life. As it did for me, you will feel joy again in what you do, in what you have, and in what you can achieve. I think it's ok to be down, its ok to feel like "if a bus hit me tomorrow i wouldnt protest" but the thing about people is we adapt rather quickly. So putting yourself out there, going to places you are scared to and believe yourself to be an outcast from is exactly what gets you to meet people and see things that youll remember forever. And after a while the outcast will stop coming to these places, the person there will be someone who belongs. Apathy is a way of saying "fine whatever i dont even care anymore" but youll see how much you care.

I started getting ok after a full decade of *trying* and what I've always found is that for me the saying "don't take anything seriously" is no.1 rule. I get worked up, anxious and overwhelmed with so much so many times.

You may have problems with people at work with friends and whomever, but the main thing you gotta remember is *you cant change anyone but yourself*

And its not a change of personality, hair color, interests, its how much something will get to you, how willing are you to give something up thats not working out and how you will percieve something.

I have no doubt that you know all of this crap but i guess i wanted to say all of that just bc there is no greater pain for me than when i see someone feel like i did regardless of the reason or situation.

Keep on truckin and doing what u love even if its mpregfrance posting. I will always be here to send you to liking-france-jail, mwah <3

hello my sweaty angle <3 i'm sorry i'm just replying to this now. i had to sleep on it because your thoughtfulness deserves a sincere reply.

first of all - thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so kind, sweet and insightful and offering your support.

the fact that you would take the precious time out of your day to write this out for me is, in a word, unbelievable. i really appreciate you checking in, it's an incredibly caring thing to do. to be honest i'm a little overwhelmed by the magnitude of this unexpected message and i wish i knew how better to express my appreciation.

i really do love to hear that i made you laugh. i live to shitpost. i've always prided myself on my sense of humor and sometimes i feel as if it's slipping away, so it's reliving to hear i've still got it.

unfortunately i still haven't had the strength to eat. i'm heading to work in a bit. things are pretty rough right now, but when have they not been? obviously my present circumstances aren't the root cause of all my problems. in fact my life has improved since moving here.

extensive bianca lore and vulnerability under the cut, apologies in advance.

basically, in so few words, my current situation is that i'm nearly 25 and have nothing to show for it. i've lived in different cities across the US, had great jobs, apartments, friends, roommates, relationships, etc. i have done a lot of living in a short amount of time. but then, in retrospect, it feels like it stopped.

about 3 years ago i was in a very bad place mentally due to the isolation of the pandemic, and i met my husband online. in early 2022 i gave up everything, saved over $10k for the visa and moving costs, and relocated from the US to australia to live with him. our relationship itself has improved from how it used to be, but since the beginning we've had seemingly endless bad luck and financial setbacks.

last year, not long after our (very disappointing) wedding, i suffered a devastating miscarriage. ruptured ectopic, massive internal bleeding, required emergency surgery etc. not only was that traumatic emotionally, but i wasn't eligible for healthcare at the time bc of my immigration status, so we're still paying off the medical bill.

we share a house with my mother in law who is a domineering, emotionally incestuous single mom and an emotionally abusive narcissist. i don't throw that term around lightly, as so many people do these days, but i honestly believe she's devoid of empathy. she's admitted that she dislikes me and thinks i'm stupid because i don't talk much, and goes out of her way to make me feel unwelcome.

so i'm stuck in an area that feels, to me, like the middle of nowhere. i'm not homesick, i love this country. it's just that i'm not used to suburbs. i feel most comfortable in a city where there's people and places and things, neon lights and background noise and stuff to do.

i'd would be happy to live anywhere as long as it's not with her. it honestly feels like a prison sometimes. that sounds dramatic but she's cultivating an unbelievably hostile environment that causes me to feel on edge whenever she's around.

needless to say we need to move, desperately. it's our #1 priority. more than anything else i want a place of our own and eventually a family. we've been actively househunting for the better part of a year, but the rental market is catastrophically bad right now. it's not even about the money, since we're both working we can afford a decent place. it's just that it's so competitive. every showing i've attended, there's been like 30 other prospective tenants. we've been turned down from every apartment we've applied for.

on top of our living situation i have complex health issues that are just getting worse. my energy is zapped. trying to balance work work and housework leaves me with almost no free time to write.

this barely scratches the surface of why I Am The Way That I Am™. i'm not saying any of this to evoke sympathy or brag about 'having it hard'. simply trying to explain. my upbringing was abusive and dysfunctional in a number of ways. i just barely graduated high school. i never had traditional opportunities, i was raised in a way where there's basically no assumption/expectation that you'll ever be successful or fulfilled. i'm diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD and bipolar 2 - haven't been able to get my proper meds in australia. i've been addicted to hard drugs and alcohol. i'm not pleasant to be around. i will probably always look like and act like the lower class, white trash girl that i am. i have spent my entire life in survival mode.

i'm always in the midst of some identity crisis or running away from something. so yeah, i've been hurt and downtrodden. i've also experienced the beautiful side of life from time to time. i've gained a breadth of knowledge and met incredible individuals who introduced me to new perspectives and i'm forever grateful for them. with the way i've lived, i'm very lucky to not be dead or incarcerated right now.

ok, pity party's over. for real this time.

you're pretty much describing exactly how i feel. you know the struggle. the part about waiting to live my life; that's precisely where i'm at. i don't necessarily have a desire to fit in, i just want to get away into somewhere that i can adjust better to.

my isolation is partially due to a lack of energy but also i don't seek out interaction because i'm afraid no one else can understand me. not because i believe i'm too 'complex' or 'damaged' to be understood. that's a load of self-pitying bullshit. it's just scary to be truly seen. or vulnerable. or genuine. bc the results of such openness are unpredictable and uncomfortable.

it's hard, but i know i have to find it within myself to take that push. what's holding me back right now is mainly my material conditions, circumstances out of my direct control. i have no doubt i'll feel at least 50% better when i stop living with this woman.

i certainly have no problem with starting over if something doesn't work for me. contrary to what i might've described, i believe i'm pretty well adjusted, self aware and rational. as is obvious i don't take many things that seriously lmao. i went from caring wayyy too much about everything, being overly emotional and sensitive, to going entirely with the flow and accepting what i can't control or predict.

also i am well aware that you can't change people, that's never been my goal lmao i've never needed someone to tell me that <3

tl;dr, thank you. so much. this really uplifted and inspired me meli, thank you so much for being so thoughtful and compassionate.

it sounds like you're also stuck between a rock and a hard place in your own environment, and i'm sorry to hear that. it's a wretched feeling but i believe you you will thrive no matter the setting, because in all seriousness, you're incredibly talented. i hope you know you should follow your dreams. hell, it looks like you already are and you're giving us the privilege of witnessing it. your art is stunning, the passion and care you put into your work is obvious. your matthew is absolutely beautiful - like his maman.

from a rabidly devoted france woobifier to the designated france hater, i'm only going to say this once but you are validated in your distaste. i understand. you gotta admit though, he is a MILF.

if one thing is certain i will never stop frussyposting. in fact right now i am thinking about france hetalia big fat juicy boobies mmmm milky squishy. i'm giving her a teensy tiny little slut waist and childbearing hips. i would give him a brazilian butt lift but he doesn't even need it!!!

if that is a crime then lock me up. please. strap on the handcuffs and throw me in the crate for naughty little freaks teeheehee >:3

be careful tho. if you keep sending me gay ass love letters like this they're gonna start shipping toxic yuri melianca even harder <3

[greetingsfromuranus]

Hello. I'll ask you a strange question because I have a similar obsession to eene. This concerns me personally, if anything. I love this cartoon mainly because of Edd and it scares me... I have an obsession that some years, I am trying to stop loving Edd and this cartoon, but everything returns to my roots as soon as I even see something related. This makes me feel more uncomfortable. This has never happened to me, I always stopped loving something at some point and my obsession became weaker. Do you have any advice? Sometimes I regret that I even decided to watch this cartoon.. This cartoon is cool, but it's not worth my obsession. And especially Edd, he’s a simple character who shouldn’t be liked so much, it’s not normal. I seriously want to found a religion for him, it scares me, I have always condemned such dependence, but now I behave the same way.. I’m disgusted with myself.. I became a fanatic, it's disgusting! I try to shift my attention to something else, but everything comes back to EEnE! It sounds funny, but I really suffer from this addiction, maybe I need a specialist :(

I understand how you feel, I know what it's like to be so obsessed with something unattainable that it hurts, but I don't think you should beat yourself up over it! You deserve better! Being ashamed or feeling disgusted with yourself is only going to make it hurt more - so I do think it would be a good idea to accept that part of you, so that you can cope better, and have more energy to put into constructive things :)

From my experience, trying to repress things internally often doesn't work, or can lead to heartbreak, and I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to do that. You shouldnt be ashamed of love! You cant control it, and its not your fault if it's something you dont want! I know being obsessed the way we are can be really really painful, scary, or it feels stupid, or like a waste of time. But chances are, you can't control how long it lasts or how intense it is - so I believe the best course of action is to try and work alongside the obsession to do something constructive or improve yourself.

You can't control the things your brain latches onto, but you can control what you do with them! Like for me, my obsession with Edd helped me finally start cleaning my living space (it was nearly hoarding, you couldn't see the floor most of the time. Ive been like this my whole life.), and helped me get the motivation to really work on improving my art. I'm not sure what skills you personally would like to focus on, but there are many things you could do! For example, you could learn coding & website design by making a website for him, or you could start leaning any sort of craft so you can make art of him!

Now on the other hand, I know how obsessions this strong can make one feel. I know it can feel so intense it's painful or scary, and I know how it hurts when you can't have the object of your love with you irl. There are many times when my obsession with him physically hurt so bad that i just wished it would stop. I know that pain so deeply, and I understand if keeping your obsession isn't worth it to you anymore. I'd seriously reccomend trying out the things I mentioned earlier, but if they don't work, it's important that you use healthy methods to distance yourself from it

One idea I have would be to find some healthy hobbies, like going on walks/hikes, gardening, cycling, cooking etc... better yet, find a club or something to join, just anything else to focus on! I really reccomend outdoor ones, because 1: there really is alot of natural beauty in the world, so many beautiful things to love, and 2: it's easier to distance yourself from the internet, tv, and any other things that would remind you of EEnE. Do something to keep you from getting bored, so your mind doesn't wander too much and go back to the obsession. (I will say, cooking is quite time consuming and takes alot of thinking! It could be a good distraction that's also fun and good for you)

I think your best bet would be to do a combination of both of these! Take energy away from feeling upset at yourself, and instead put it into doing something good for you. I know it can be difficult to start new things like that, but its at least worth a try. There's no guarantee the obsession would stop, but hopefully you may be able to find something to help put you in a better mindset! Once you're feeling better inside, the obsession may not hurt as much, or be as intense, and it will be easier to live with! :) this may be tough, but hopefully you will end up somewhere better in the long run!

You may have to try some different things and think of some more ideas, but if nothing works, it may be a good idea to talk to a professional about it! I'm sure it would be helpful in some way, and I really do hope you can be happier. They would likely have more guidance to give you than I do

Please feel free to ask me for any advice or support, I want you to be able to live happier. I'll be there to talk whenever you need. I care about you!! Please don't beat yourself up over anything, just try to cope as well as you can. Your happiness is most important. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you need to do 💛 and I hope it hurts less in the future

[madohomurat]

regarding recent events, ive decided to take a different approach towards the label discourse.

TLDR: i still feel the label "bi lesbian" is harmful and perpetuates biphobia/transphobia/lesbophobia, however i am going to be less mean about it?

my approach to this was initially pure, unfiltered hatred and intolerance- this is typically how i react to anything i feel is wrong, like TERFs or republicans. etc.

to see people have this kind of mentality towards maia, to wish jail upon it, is just beyond fucked up. it doesn't deserve that and anyone who thinks that needs to step back and reevaluate their perspective on all of this.

i do not believe maia, or the majority of other individuals who use the "bi lesbian" label to be bad people, nor do i think they genuinely want to invalidate the identity of other people. so for me and anyone else to put them on the same level as like, someone whos straight up intentionally homophobic or transphobic, is absurd. these people arent some kind of dark evil individuals, all they want is to exist and be themselves and thats something that i can relate to!

the fighting between those who support the label and those who oppose it has gotten undeniably out of hand. weve been assuming the worst of one another just to fuel our own anger. for instance, i would often just say 'bi lesbians' legitimately hate lesbians and want us to love men, but honestly i dont even believe this.

comparatively, many people who have accused those who oppose the label as being TERFs, being queerphobic, comparing us to cops, and trying to force them into a box. i cant speak for the people who make these wild accusations, but i want to believe that they genuinely do not believe these claims they make. its particularly ridiculous when TERF accusations are thrown at trans women. like, you dont seriously believe that, do you? i have faith that you dont.

there is what i want to believe is a small minority of people who do live up to these accusations. pro 'bi lesbian' people who genuinely hate lesbians, as well as anti 'bi lesbian' people who are queerphobic and overall intolerant of the freedom of identity. but these two extremes do not apply to the majority.

this is way too wordy at this point, but my conclusion here is that i need to have more basic respect for these people, and not treat them like theyre downright diabolical enemies to me.

again, i still believe wholeheartedly that the label perpetuates harmful ideas. if me presenting points as to why i feel this way makes you uncomfortable, thats not my problem. if you take this genuine criticism of the label as an attack upon you, i hate to say it but, go outside.

i will not denounce anything and everything someone has said or done solely because they support the 'bi lesbian' label. however, im not going to keep my genuine criticisms of the label to myself either. im not opposed to talking to people about this either and further explaining why i feel the way i do! i can hold a civil, mature conversation with someone. im happy to do so.

[ohyoru]

Hey im not good with words or english, but its ok to feel burnt out or tired. Youre not obligated to provide anything to us. You are an author who writes for free. Maybe to have fun maybe to express yourself. You have your own life and thats a good thing. I havent been playing genshin in a while because theres so much work i need to do there like building characters. I havent watched link click s2 because i cant bring myself to sit down for that long. Im sure everyone has something like this happening to them and i just remind myself that it doesnt matter that much. Post unfinished things, make your character builds crap, dont finish a book youve started it doesntmatter. Its about having fun. Its about forgetting your problems(at least for me) or its about spending time with your online friends. Taking a break is necessary. Spending time for yourself is necessary. Taking care of yourself is necessary. I hope i could get my message across. I cant even take my own advice seriously as im too scared to post this without anon but i hope i was able to make you feel better somehow. I also want to say i really love your works even if i dont know who the person you’re writing about is. Ive been following your works for a while and i dont regret it one bit. I would be pretty sad if you were to stop writing for certain people but if it makes you feel happy then i dont mind and im sure others wouldn’t mind it as well. Youre free to do whatever you want ( as long as youre not intruding on other peoples freedom obviously) thank you for reading my wordvomit written in an attempt to comfort you.

dearie anon,

to have you in my inbox is already a blessing enough for me. thank you so much for taking the time of your day to cheer me up, you have no idea how much this means to me (brb crying i dont deserve you sob)

first of all, your message got across. i'm not sure about your english being not good part, but really, your message resonates with me on a level deeper than language can ever explain, truly.

i appreciate your kind reminder that i shouldn't feel obliged to write for anyone. i honestly feel like it's eating me out because i put myself in the equation as well. i had been a writer before, back when tokyo revengers (anime) was still in its first season since i'm more of a manga reader. if you were in that era, you might came across my work. alas, things happened. what used to be good memories (including writing) turned into very hurtful ones and i stopped doing what i love because they're causing me so much pain. nonetheless, i still slowly died inside. it took me a while to be at peace with my past and understand that writing is what makes me the person i am. so i'm determined to start again and keep it up. but when life gets in the way and hold me back from writing (again), it depresses me. (including not playing genshin). honestly, i'm feeling lonely. what and who i used to know and love seemed to only exist in the past. people moved on, topics became irrelevant, relationship broke. which i don't blame, but it still makes me cry once in a while.

sorry for the traumadump uh- i feel like i should explain myself a little. i hope that didn't scare you too much. but anyway, you're right! i should do whatever i want. maybe i need to reframe my perspective. i love that you mention about reading book thingy because i have the same issue and yes, i'm a reader through and through. but it's been so long since i read.. the irony. maybe all i need to do is start. and love myself a bit more to stop torturing myself with unnecessary thoughts..

you know what anon? i love the past me. i dont remember exactly what i love about her, but she used to be so at peace. i'm trying to find my way back to her, and i think you're helping me set my way there, so thank you. i dont know about your problems, but if you're willing to share, i'm more than happy to listen. don't forget to take care of yourself too okay? i hope your days ahead are the loveliest yet!

also, thank you for appreciating my works! when i started writing again, i told myself and whoever that's willing to take the time of their day to consume my content that i don't need anyone's attention or approval (shadowban be damned. if it happens, it happens). i did it solely for myself. but god knows how much your kind words and others' fill up the spaces in my heart.

i'm not going to ask anything from my works. your support is something i could never repay, but i'll always appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

(btw yes, you did send this on anon hehe i got a hunch on who you might be but if you prefer to keep it a secret, then rest assured, your secret is safe with me!)

[bluntforceheadtrauma]

okay so weight/eating is a veryyyyy sensitive subject for some people as we know.

i had friends do this to me all the time. Especially when my friends who were rather thin would point out a fat person to poke fun at and im literally bigger than that person? or they are thin and call themselves fat, it's like, if you think youre fat, you must think im a whale or something! the only way i have mitigated this is to take focus off of my own self image first, bc you cant fight the internal AND outer battle of fatphobia. that is what this is-- your friend is unfortunately fat-phobic it seems which is often a side effect of low self esteem or having been shamed for being the weight they are-- so now they subconsciously do it to other people. your friend points out weight in photos, of people that arent even him and passes judgement onto them as though he is superior, when really it's massive inferiority complex bc some people see being thin as something to achieve-- rather than just accepting there will be all sorts of body size variations. Their focus is on skinniness, they see attractiveness in skinny people (not that they arent attractive dont get me wrong) but your friend idealizes these people because he wants to be that. so the way i would go about the situation is to remind yourself that he is thinking solely about his own body even when he is passing judgement onto others. Try to remove yourself from the equation as well because he doesnt intend to insult you and probably doesnt even realize that they are. appearance is everything to some people.

i think i would sit down with this friend and give it a precursor warning that it is a serious conversation, and if you feel it's appropriate, to warn them that the conversation you want to have involves weight and self image.

I would express my concerns more over his own perception of himself, and how he A) doesnt have the healthiest mindset when it comes to weight and B) you understand very well the struggles of self image in relation to weight, then bring up the sense of discomfort you get when they point out fat people. I would express to him that Fat is not a bad word, it is just a body shape. Some people have no control over their weight like i did due to medical problems, all fat people deserve respect, kindness, and so what if they ate their way into being overweight, as long as you are not actively hurting yourself with overeating-- then why care about someone else's weight? How does that person's weight effect him? seriously ask him that the next time he points out a fat person and ask "Well how does their weight effect you though?" because it literally does not effect him at all other than rehashing self harming behaviours of fat phobia and slinging it at a different person.

it probably feels better to put the focus on other people's weight than to accept his own.

But a concept needs to be driven home that weight does not effect worth, weight doesnt indicate anything, there may be a stigma and fatphobia but he is adding to the fatphobia rather than fighting it, and you'll probably want to ask him why he prefers fat phobia to fat positivity and it may give him something to think about as well as make him aware that you notice when he self deprecates or displays fatphobia. I would never outright directly say "youre fatphobic" bc that will just put him on defense. it needs to carefully be suggested

sorry for the unsolicited advice, i hope something in here is helpful for you and your friend <3

Hey nah no worries, I appreciate it a lot + am looking for a bit of advice when I make posts into questions like that

But I agree 100% It’s a self image issue I also feel having another perspective on how your words sound to others; realizing how rude your thoughts and feelings about your own body can sound to others helps me a lot with putting things into perspective. Like I try not to pass judgement on myself as much as possible not even for myself but more for the benefit of my own morals lol. If you think that stuff about yourself too long you will inevitably see yourself in others and will hate them for it too and not know why

[lightboundhellhound]

honestly i think it’s the fact that i cant even bring up how their actions make me feel without being called “sensitive” and being told im “overreacting” BITCH I KNOW THIS SHIT ALREADY, YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF????

BUT ALSO IN MY DEFENSE YOU HAD TO HAVE KNOWN THIS WOULD READ AS A DICK MOVE. YOU ALL GOT MILKSHAKES WITHOUT ME, AND CAME HOME AND FLAUNTED THEM IN MY FUCKING FACE, AND NOT ONLY DID YOU NOT SAY A QUICK “sorry we didn’t get you anything” BUT YOU DIDNT EVEN FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU DID. I SWEAR TO GOD IM GONNA TURN INTO THE JOKER IF SHIT LIKE THIS KEEPS HAPPENING, THIS HAS GONE ON FOR TOO FUCKING LONG

AND THATS THE FUCKING THING !!!!!! ITS NOT EVEN JUST ABOUT THE FUCKING MILKSHAKES!!!!!! ITS THE FACT THAT YOU SAY AND DO SHIT THAT MAKES ME FEEL SHUNNED, LEFT OUT, ALONE, AND UNIMPORTANT, AND YOU HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO TELL ME I DONT DESERVE TO FEEL NEGATIVELY ABOUT IT.

“you’re overreacting, stop being so sensitive, it was just a joke, you take everything too seriously, i cant even have a conversation with you, like seriously you victimize yourself too much,” THESE ARE ALL THINGS MY SO CALLED FUCKING “FAMILY” HAS SAID TO ME.

WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS COME DOWN TO THAT. ITS MY FAULT FOR FEELING THINGS TOO DEEPLY. ITS MY FAULT FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING. ITS ALWAYS ME ME FUCKING ME BECAUSE MY FAMILY COULD NEVER BE THE ONES AT FAULT!!!!!

WHY SHOULD MY FEELINGS BE ADDRESSED, WHY SHOULD ANYONE WONDER HOW TO HELP ME, ITS NOT LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO FEEL THIS WAY, THE PROBLEM ISNT WHY I FEEL THIS WAY, ITS THE FACT THAT I FEEL THIS FUCKING WAY AT ALL.

[boypussydilf]

ok ur choice between homumiko or asoryuu (...or both??????) for the bingos GO

ABSOLUTELY BOTH!!!!!! LETS GOOOOOOO asoryuu first

OH RIGHT EVEN WHEN UR NOT MAKING AN IMAGE POST TUMBLR PUTS THE IMAGES, LIKE, NEXT TO EACH OTHER SOMETIMES. thats gonna make this post a LOT more tolerable !!!!

I don’t actuslly think “divorced” describes anything they have going on accurately at ALL, there’s just a lot of asoryuu divorce jokes and i think divorce is funny so I nod along, but they’re not divorced. I never talk about them ever but no one misunderstand: they are fucking everything. They’re incredible. Bromance of all time but without the romance (but with the romance). They cant be divorced bc they weren’t together and like not in a “characters who have never been married but are still somehow divorced” way theyre just more like. They got to the Awkward In Between Spot where neither of u is sure if this is like, romantic or not, or what you’re gonna do about it, or anything, and then they’ve just been stuck there for a year and are going to continue to be stuck there for a long time I feel bad for them. They’re really gay though “I dont trust myself so here take this, the sword that is a metaphor for my soul” Stop being gay in public…

FUCK I MEANT TO CIRCLE GAY AF TO HAVE A SWORN RIVAL !!!!!!!!!!! They’re not Sworn Rivals by any means? They’re not even really Rivals on a temporary basis? But also they kind of are. You get it. Right? You get it. It’s their vibes. Nothing about this is a rivalry, it’s just a defense attorney/prosecutor ship and also they’re two guys who go in really hard on the competition with each other which isn’t really anything special in itself lots of people are competitive for fun w close friends but. Idk. They’re doing something and they’re so funny. Asougi saw ryuu and went “what a LOSER” and then the guy Was Better At Talking Then Him and asougi went “i adore this man. I would give up my lifelong dream for his sake.” Kazuma asougi is like that stereotypical late teens girl whos like i DONT CARE that i just met him a week ago were getting MARRIED . asougi went This guy is not cool at ALL and also ive known him for One Year and also ill do almost anything for him. No talking stage mutual obsession and we see god in each others eyes or nothing.

I like asoryuu they are funny. Asougi may bully ryuu on purpose, but ryuu will always get the upper hand completely unintentionally via something dumb. Ok homo miku time

i debated on the “terrible in every way” thing but they do deserve to be called that what with all the. lying to people. guys do you. know ways to navigate difficult situations that arent just *hides information and then is evasive about it* *lies outright about something very major* Guys…………

homo of miko. Mikotoba tried to fix him Once and then went whatevers wrong with him is way funnier & sherlock actively made him worse. But its ok bc their worst crime is being annoying in public. also several dozen counts of breaking and entering.

related topic obsessed w the fact that , like. the only reasonable conclusion to draw abt The Finding-Jigoku Scene. THE Homumiko Scene. is that this is an accurate representation of What They & Their Investigations Were Like, Like, All The Time. mikotoba pulls the ONLY PULL IN VERY DRASTIC EMERGENCIES OR WE FUCKIGN EXPLODE YOU alarm & sherlockjust picks a lock so they can break in & then they fucking dance and insult each other i guess. Gregsons ghost is there screaming something about “lower me into my coffin so you can let me down one last time”. They are 1. silly 2. absolutely taking this seriously but fundamentally do not act like it 3. Breaking the law. Great Job!!!!!!!! I want to see 50 more hours of this. I want to see other characters’ impressions of Them As A Duo so bad. Like ok. again: mikotoba is so funny when u think abt it . absolute professional. regular seeming guy. even comes across as serious or stoic to some people. And then. *gestures to the above*. I just had the words gap moe pop into my head i am going to fucking throw up. Anyway. I just think it’s funnh to imagine some shit like. dr sithe- Oooh there are too many ways this sentence can end. *grabby hands* capcom give us the courtney sithe lore. Okay okay order of events. sithe is working at the same hospital where mikotoba is working & where sherlock moreso just kind of shows up to dick around with chemistry experiments. she knows mikotoba as a good respectable doctor who takes his work very seriously. she knows sherlock as an insane idiot who keeps burning himself. apparently they are living together. well rents high and mikotoba just moved here & hasnt been exposed to the insane idiot so much thats understandable. She sees them on a case. Mikotoba breaks into someones house through the window. And also they dance. She has to continue working with this man.

I don’t know if the timeline adds up in a way where sithe wouldve even been working @ that hospital when mikotoba First got there but you get the IDEA ANYWAY. on a note thats only related in my brain eberyone should read arthur conan doyles a study in scarlet but just the like, first 2 chapters, just to be amused by sherlock holmes. i got sidetracked there maybe lets go back to talking about homumiko.

Sorry to bring this up for th first time w them when it also very much applies to asoryuu but as we all know dgs2 was so fucked up for ending w “and then everyone is separated <3” Insanity. OKAY. okay. OKAY. OKAY. *once again wheels out the giant conspiracy board in my brain where all the homumiko information is stored* they both. like. mikotoba says he never expected to be able to go to britain again & sherlock is like Wow i never thought id be solving mysteries like this with you again!! Ever!!! In my life!!!! and i wont go on the other connected rant abt shit like mikotoba saying “our home” and themjust picking up like nothing has changed bc i think i already did that and also thats not the point i just . like . WHATS GOING ON WITH THEM !!!!!!!!! “WOW! AFTER 10 YEARS I GOT TO SEE YOU FOR LIKE. A WEEK. OK BYE FOREVER <3” HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!! *SHAKES THEM*ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS? ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THIS? “MY CLOSEST FRIEND MY PARTNER MY OTHER HALF. I LOVE GETTING A LETTER A MONTH FOREVER” SCREAM !!!!!!!!!!! this is a fucked up decision. I’m normal.

*blinks like someone who just got woken up at 7pm* i dont know how fucking lomg ive been. writing this post. It seems to have gotten out of hand. i like homumiko. makes them sillyguys makes them halves of a whole makes them . uhhh. gay. *clinks glass* Heres to them impulse adopting many more children !!!!! HAS YUUJIN MIKOTOBA EVER MET GINA

[princesscaloriesblog]

blog entry 1 - dumb anorexic brain

hello. ive started this account to use as a sort of journal and a way to express my eating disorder struggles. i dont plan on anyone reading this but me, and since i feel like i have no one to turn to ive decided to share my thoughts here. if you are reading this, im 20 yo, use she/her pronouns, and welcome to my journals!

my cal intake for today has been 180 cals + coffee (100 cals ish? not sure) so 280 calories. i hope i dont eat anymore tonight even though im hungry lol, but my roommate wants to grab food with me later so im not really sure what will happen yet.

my biggest struggle for the last week has been school. im currently in uni taking seven classes and im so overwhelmed with work. i think it would be so much easier if my thoughts werent so clouded and constantly so disordered. all i can think about is my calorie intake, my weight, what i plan to eat, and how others perceive me. im sorry but i cant focus on studying when my brain is just full of these thoughts contantly!!!! which leads me to my next problem which has been the idea of dropping out.

the main reason i want to drop out (just for a semester, not indefinitely) is because of my eating disorder. if im not focusing well in school id love to go to a treatment center and finally recover after these long years of struggling with my eating disorder behaviors and then the most recent 2 years of having an actual eating disorder. for some context, ive been insecure about my weight and body image since i was 9. however i think ill save these traumatic stories for another entry lol. anyways, i just dont feel sick enough. im only at bmi 19.9 (finally out of bmi 20!!!! yay) and i feel like i need to at least be underweight to go into a recovery treatment. otherwise i just feel like im faking my disorder and no one will take me seriously. my boyfriend does take me seriously, but i dont know if my family or other people will. im not thin enough for people to care. i dont deserve recovery right now. what am i recovering from, an average weight??? my failed weight loss attempts???? i dont know what to do with myself genuinely. im tired of my brain being filled by these thoughts but its still not enough. i am never enough. i just want this hell to be over but i doubt it will for a long long time.

anyways if youre reading this i love you, this is gia signing off so goodnight <33

[eeyes]

Struggling with mobility again. THINKIBG. Reflecting. Laminating. Rotating.

It is so hideous to be mistreated by the system and go home and have no support snd be treated subhuman everywhere and i truly despise everyone who has made me bargain for my humanity becquse they think im lying about my condition or they see in struggling and just dont care…

Remembering my psychiatrist who saw i walked into the appointment shaking and requested a chair with a tall back so i could have spinal support, bc i knew at that point w my condition that helped me stop shaking and feel faint, and he kept saying itd “break policy” to move chairs while his decrepit ass sat there in a full sized office chair. So i asked him for his and he just kept saying how it wasnt gonna happen and tried to keep asking me about psychiatry questions but i couldnt remember anything bc i was feeling too bad to form proper sentences 🙄

And my sister and her gf, any time i needed help getting food, going to the bathroom, etc etc they could both be awake 1 room away and hear me say i need help for 30 min and not give a fuck bc they are on their computers. Literally were days i would keep repeating “can someone get me food” and slapping myself cuz if im hungry my body acts stupid and i twitch a bunch and the two of them would get into SCREAMING arguments over how they both didnt wanna help me get like. Cereal…

Another time. aome fuckass nurse saw that i was admitted into the hospital for not being able to walk and told me i didnt need her help going to the bathroom and left me partway in the hallway telling me to go the rest of the way myself so she could do something else and i ended up maybe 5 feet closer to the bathroom then when she left me and laid down on the floor so id stop shaking/wouldnt pass out like what did you expect 😭😭😭😭

Like . im mad at all these situations clearly im mad but i just feel so defeated. I seriously dod not see myself as human for several years because of this treatment and j still struggl to every time i have mobility issues… I just want to be able to have flareups and not wake up immediately crying because i have to overexert myself and make people argue over whether its worth it to help me get food or driven to the doctor or take baths lolooolololol

And im hoping my current flareup isnt longer than a week… Recently ive been doing better. But i seriously get so depressed every time it happens again and im still sorting all these feelings out in therapy and i deserve to talk about the way ive been treated… And i mean i deserve to have bad days. I cant control my body.

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i wanted to die at one point in my life. i wanted to watch as the blood dripped from the endless cuts i put on my own body, i wnted to see how mny i could fit on the areas of my body that werent visible because i wanted that private pain because i always knew the complete hypocrisy and idiocy of being suicidal and making it a caricature for the world to see.

its why i felt so stupid going to a psychologist that i seeked out for myself, every week, filling in that stupid sheet and downplaying my true feelings because it seemed so redundant to say i was depressed and anxious and having suicidal thoughts when i clearly desired to live enough to tell someone and try get help for it. but somehow i still wanted those things too. and i was invalidating myself by thinking the psychologist who barely knew or cared about me gave two shits about the fact that i was being a hypocrite.

im almost certain i have bpd.

if not i definitely have emotional dysregulation.

"nobody understands"

does nobody want to understand? or do i want them to not understand? or do i put it in the too hard basket - because no one knows how to fucking listen these days. or is it that i simply dont know how to say it. to say the hard thing and communicate how i truly feel. which is pure shit.

im beginning to disssociate from my own reality. potentially very likely the reason and source for all my creativity that i was wondering about. i thought it had gone for good. turns out i just needed to be completely stressed and depressed for it to come back - my perfect distraction. my one true love. dqydreaming. maladaptive daydreaming... hits different when my reality is unbelievably shit and worse. makes me get real juicy and creative with my made up stories to escape into.

the way my life is actully grreqt and fine and dandy and im lucky and special and i still feel like this. will the feeling ever go away?

its not fair that you made it all about you. my mental health is suffering because im trying so hard for everyone and youre turning my efforts into anither problem to pick away at? fuck you. fuck you. watch me prioritise myself. watch me take the biggest step away from you. youve failed me again, you alwaus fail me! you will never know what it feels like to be me. yiu will never understand.

i need to move out. i need to leave. i need to get the FUCK away. im so angry im heartbroken. im so angry im broken. i feel like a child again. how could you fail me so badly that i cut my own body and fantasized about death?

i really want to just go invisible. become the physical embodiment of what my internal world is feeling. but... more than usual. archive everything on instagram and change my bio to "gone for abit". delete the app. delete everything in fact. go awol. leave. disappear. isnt that what you want? isnt that what you deserve? if you wanted to ignore me so bad. ill just fucking leave then. ill go! im happy to do that. but somehow i know that wont work anymore. it never did, actually. it only did for me. and now i dont even think i get that as a consolation. because unfortunately my conscience is just too self aware to do that. anyway.

i just dont see anyone taking me and my issues seriously. thats how this problemcame to be, wasnt it? my parents judged and laughed at my big emotions. my feelings. my thoughts. now i dont know how to express fucking anything. but i also ccan? cause ive made it this far. hiding. hiding in plain sight. ugh

i cant keep doing this anymore. i cant keep writing! but i also cant keep hiding. but fucking everyone sucks. theyre just gonna have to deal, i suppose. what do i do, god? i dont know what else there is to say anymore. its all on the table. im still angry and hurt. and im so agonisingly close to that familiar feeling. god, i want to turn to my old bad habits but i know it wont help me. its a beautifully sadistic secret. but it helps nothing. its just a pointless secret. but at least its a release. its a sinful pleasure. once i do it, ill unravel. but i kind of want to. i want to be a bad person. ive always been a bad person pretending to be good, though. i could just be bad and authentic, and covered in bloody scars too. or i could just ... i wont go there just yet. im not thaat stupid, am i?

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