#i feel like i cant take myself seriously like i dont deserve that the way other people do

[garpond]

literally all i am irl is something for people to make fun of LOL

[audioroleplayconfessions]

i dont want to reveal my identity (youll see why in a sec lol) so im saying this here rather than my main account cause im relatively well known in redacted tumblr (annnd im a pussy and this is sort of weighing on me a bit).

i dont know how to say it but there are these chats?? like mainly on discord and instagram and i think some other places too (idk i dont have twitter or x or whatever but i think theres one there too) where people have lists of these accounts they dont like and resolve to 'punish them'. im sure im explaining this terribly but i cant really say much without the people in these chats instantly knowing who i am and adding me to their insane hate pile puritan police bullshit.

i got added to one of the discord chats in august by a mutual from a redacted server i was in (not the main one like some fan one from tumblr) and genuinely? it is fucking insane. think genuine csi shit. like sorting people into who supports 'problematic ships' and 'supports problematic characters' or who are 'rape apologists' or even just 'icky' and genuinely allocating certain people to harass and threaten them. and i mean seriously organising. as in scheduling when to spam anons or making hate posts or trying to work out their real identities to 'drill the lesson in' (actual quote).

whats worse is that many bigger accounts in the fandom are in these chats. like people ive been friendly with for months (if not years) who i thought were cool, but then act completely different there. i wont name drop or anything, mainly to respect the rules of this blog and preserve my own identity (cause god knows they dont deserve that after some of the shit theyve said and done), but if youre in redacted tumblr, you defintely know at least some of them. 100% you do.

ive gone out of my way to warn some of these accounts ive seen on there frequently (so if you got an anon warning you about these chats hello!! its me!!) but i cannot understate how fucking crazy they are. not only do these supposed 'progressive accepting people' resort to misogyny, transphobia, homophobia and racism (esp this one, jesus the slurs) towards any account they dont like, they also genuinely view themselves as these insane moral authorities set on 'cleansing the fandom of the filth' (another actual quote from one of the discord chats. i genuinely had to take a lap after reading it bc it was so cringe and insane it physically hurt)

i swear im telling the truth with this btw, i know it sounds so stupid and unbelievable but i just needed to get it out of my system because ive been lurking in this chat and i feel kinda responsible for all the hate these poor people are getting, since im not standing up against them. so to anyone whos received heavy hate for 'problematic opinions' im really fucking sorry man. i shoulda tried to put a stop to it but there were so many big accounts there i was afraid of getting ostracised from the community or targeted myself.

anyway, point is. be careful. watch ur faves. and god, everyone in this moral brigade stop being so fucking demented. youre making this unfun for everyone.

(thank you for giving a space for me to speak about this btw bc i genuinely dont know how i wouldve told people widescale otherwise. i really appreciate the space you provide for us all <33 )

.

[actualbird]

this sounds rly weird to say but stick with me - i wish luke would get ill in canon. obviously he has a terminal illness which would weaken his immune system and while it’s great he’s physically fit i mean SURELY he’s way more susceptible to getting seriously ill from a cold/the flu, right?? idk i think i just want to see him being taken care of bc he deserves it but also i do like the idea of him being taken care of by the nxx and them looking out for him when he gets seriously ill from a virus/bug etc etc

i got this ask Before main story 9 dropped but only after did i wanna answer it because i totally feel u.....

i feel like tot doesnt let luke get smaller ails in canon because hes already dealing With The Big One Thats Killing Him (any more wld be overkill?). and though it's also true that neurological conditions dont necessarily always affect the immune system, it's still a dang shame cuz like u, i'd adore a story where it's the others taking care of him when hes down with a bad case of the flu....and given recent main story events, i reALLY WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE TEAM HELP LUKE WITH A LOW-STAKES AIL :(((

in true luke fashion, he'd probably keep it under wraps and make excuses until his absence at an nxx meeting cannot be ignored and they crash his apartment to see him in a MISERABLE little pile of blankets trying to remedy this by himself

mc: why didnt you tell us!!!! >:O

luke: it's not a big deal :( it's just the flu and already called aaron for doctor's advice and meds and everything, i can take care of myself

vyn: have you been hydrating?

luke, nervously: ..............yyyyyes?

artem, looking in his fridge: theres nothing in here but peanut's treats, what have you been feeding yourself?

luke, still nervously: ffffood?

marius, finding a pack of sliced bread near his bed: dude, have you just been eating bread???

luke, increasingly nervously because hes fighting for his life out here: i cant stomach anything else for some reason!!!

mc: uh huhhhh, you seem to be doing a Great job at taking care of this yourself :/

luke: ;-;

cue the team helping out: helping in cleaning the place up (when luke is miserable his place gets even Messier), cooking simple foods (artem's soup to the rescue), etc etc. luke would be So apologetic during the whole thing, constantly apologizing for being a bother, which is both depressing and grating to hear. mc almost wants to take two piece of sliced bread and sandwich luke's face in them to tell him "STOP SAYING SORRY!!!" but she knows thatll probably make him feel worse, so she restrains herself

for all luke's apologizing, he does feel better with the team helping out. but then he feels bad about feeling better (because HOW DARE HE....AFTER HE INCONVENIENCED THEM ALL!!!) and it's this terrible ouroboros of shame

eventually, mc sends the other boys out on a grocery run to help stock luke's fridge with fruits and other good snacks-for-sick-person, and alone in luke's apartment she sits next to him.

mc: hey, tell me the truth. you knew you were doing a cruddy job at looking after yourself, you knew you shouldve asked for help. why didnt you?

luke: ...i dont...like it...i dont like you or the others seeing me like this

mc: pathetic?

luke: i mean, yeah. but i meant....sick. i dont like you guys seeing me sick. because of, yknow.....being sick and useless and helpless, it feels like a prelude, and everyone else is burdened picking up the pieces around me.

mc: oh

luke: yeah

mc: hm. youre an idiot

luke: ????

mc: i cant speak for the others, but i can tell you that i surely dont mind seeing you like this if it means i can help. dont you always tell me to rely on you more? how about you return the favor, luke. let us help, sometimes. let me help.

and we all know shes way too good at setting up a winning argument.

by the time the others get back, luke is a more cooperative patient and a less-apologetic one. in the back of his mind, he figures it cant hurt to let himself feel okay getting help every once in a while.

[about27th]

job hunt tipssssss (and lessons learnt..)

tailor your resume to each position you apply

(1) always make your employers' job easier

include only the relevant experience and keep the descriptions straightforward.. recruiters are basically just ticking boxes, make it easy for them to do so or expect them to bin your CV after a quick glance

(2) have too many part-time/work gaps?

i highly recommend using a skill-based CV than a chronological CV for this case; not only is it waaaaaaaaaay easier to prepare but also makes your experience look more put-together since you can mix & match your relevant skills.. give it a shot if you've inconsistent work history or want to have a career change; i should mention it's also a game changer for people whom English isn't the first language

(3) review your cover letter before heading to an interview

i mean you've already explained why you're a great fit for the job in the application, just take advantage of that effort and reiterate everything during the interview --- preparation done!

dont use the same answer for interviews

.. it'll definitely make you come across as average

there are 3 key and frequently asked questions you should be ready for:

(1) tell me about yourself

start with a basic introduction, followed by your previous work experience (again, making them relevant to the job) and wrap up with a glimpse of your personality -- for instance, say something like.. I see myself as an ambitious and self-motivated person (.. and how these qualities fit the job profile!)

(2) what do you know about us/ why do you want to work for us

always research the company; mention its values or services, and how they resonate with you

(3) what can you offer us/ why do you think you suit this job

highlight how your experience aligns with the job requirements; this demonstrates your dedication and preparation.. and also shows the employer what they can expect from you

i hate interviews (who doesnt?).. i believe many of us are very qualified for jobs we're interested in but often struggle to demonstrate our competence effectively; my way to make the process less agitating is to view it as a cool opportunity for employers to learn about us: it's not an exam.. rather, it's a level playing field where two or more strangers come together to mutually explore each other.

this is your chance (after putting so much effort into preparing the application) to shine and let them know you're the perfect fit for the job they're offering!

never trust the reaction of the interviewer!

some interviewers acted super affirmative to each of my responses, making me feel like i was nailing the interview.. but then i ended up getting no job; i understand the intention is to encourage interviewees during the process, but pls dont take them too seriously and get carried away

stay focused and humble instead

always reflect after each experience (exactly what i'm doing now)

it's important to reflect on your performance and seek improvement for future applications

i always discover areas that could be done better while preparing for new job applications, even though i felt that i'd already given my best for the last one

the competition is fierce but dont worry about competing with others (what you cant control); instead, concentrate on what you can control --- demonstrating how you're the best candidate!

always put yourself in your employer's shoes and do the homework; focus on the good and keep trying, one day all your hard work will pay off and get the job you deserve

.

(i regret so much that i didnt perform better during my interview🥲i dont want the same to happen to you, pls take my tips and prepare as much as you cn💔)

.

quick update - i actually ended up getting the job🤘

if someone like me, who struggles with English, can get a job in the UK after all the challenges, you can land the job you want too. trust the process - I believe in you!

[magmythedevil]

Hi! So I've got a question, what are your opinions and thoughts on the YouTuber, "Vanitymoth" he's kinda a Murder Drones reviewer and has done a couple of content related to the series, I'm interested if you heard of him or see his contact and I wanted to know your thoughts, it looks like he'll also be reviewing EP 6 which is probably gonna be negative because that's just how he is unfortunately.

And that's honestly my main issue with him, now it's fine having opinions and being honest and not sugar coding anything, but it just feels like this dude is negative about almost everything he reviews (somebody even pointed that out in his comments+ community post and said that's just how he rolls) he isn't fun, funny and just not entertaining. And he's also kinda boring to listen to as well, imo and just not very fun to watch, he also made a horrible and trashfire review of Lackadaisy. It also feels like him and others are kinda turning on Murder Drones and are disliking it because of it's story direction...and it makes me wonder sometimes, is MD REALLY a bad show and not as good as we thought, and do fans just have their rose tinted glasses on and are only trying to see the positive side and ignore criticism? Do you believe the show is good, or is it going downhill like others have been saying? I'm still new to the show myself and wanted to know your thoughts on this, it kinda does feel sad people are turning on MD (people still wanna compare it to shows like HB, some have said it's going downhill and turning bad like that show) as I think it's still a unique and watchable show and it honestly deserves it's love and support, it's not perfect..but I still feel saddened it's being hated and torn apart now by some, especially by some toxic fans, fans on reddit and Vanitymoth himself. :(

Honestly that guy probally has a very biased opinion on the show at this point. It never feels like he gets satisfied with anything from the show anymore. (And i really feel like it has something to do with Nuzi )

And all the bad reviews i have been seeing can be resumed to a simple "Its not the same thing that used to be" or "this is not the direction i wanted" tbh

I guess they thought Liam was a edgy guy who only enjoys creepy and meta dark edgy stuff. They din't expect to the guy to be an actual writter lmfao

Am i saying this show is perfect? Ofc not. But all the reviews i have seen so far from the people who dont have any weird bias are saying this episode was one of the most greatest yet, im not a writter but i can totally agree with that, in the same way i agreed with them with how "home" really was one of the weakest/most confusing

I honestly don't think majority of these guys are giving genuine criticism, they just really weren't expecting to the show to go to such an emotinal direction.

If you ever see any blog or post with a person giving GENUINE criticism feel free to send it to me to talk about it! But for now i cant really take those guys seriously, they all sound so petty and childish

Even the comments of his community post are saying "if you dont think this episode was good idk what to tell you" lmfaool

Also, If they really think dead end was a weak episode they are INSANE these people are blind hello?????

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, im kinda just looking for some like, reassurance maybe. or something like that idk

so where i live, a lot of people are pretty outwardly ableist. if youre autistic, or mentally ill, or anything other than abled and allistic you Will be bullied for it (and youll be lucky if anyone takes your disability seriously, if youre not entirely wheelchair-bound)

i am autistic, mentally ill, have poor hand joints (its similar in some ways to arthritis), repetitive strain injuries, some form of lumbar lordosis, have pretty miserable ibs and very, VERY likely have cushings disease (we're trying to schedule my specific cortisol blood test right now), but due to being surrounded by said ableism, ive kind of gotten it in my head that i dont count as disabled (despite being, Factually, disabled, due to my autism). i feel bad for even trying to lump myself in with "Actual" disabled people (more obviously physically disabled, use canes or wheelchairs and such) because i have it Easier than them, which is a really stupid thought but i cant seem to stop feeling like im lying or betraying people somehow when i say im disabled.

sorry for the bother, hope your day is going well. thanks.

Hello anon,

I’d like to extend my deepest sympathies as someone with invisible illnesses as well, and assure you are not bothering anyone by seeking reassurance around it.

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with co-morbidities and how it (sadly, yet understandably) impacts your daily living.  I found no less than three articles that might help offer some additional assurances that you are definitely not on an island on your own (though I can appreciate how sometimes the guilt and stigma could leave you feeling that way) - and each article also includes suggestions, and ideas for self-help, advocacy and support.

The Challenges of Living with Invisble Illness via Psychology Today

What is Invisible Illness via Verywell Mind

You Don’t Look Sick: Uncovering and Understanding Invisible Illness via BetterUp

I hope that at the very least, it might be the first step in how to give yourself the compassion you deserve as you navigate not only illnesses you can’t help having but also as you find a support system that (at the very least) sees your personhood and struggles and does not immediately dismiss them.  You deserve people in your corner <3

I wish you well - and hope your day is lovely, too :)

- Mod Kat

[greetingsfromuranus]

Hello. I'll ask you a strange question because I have a similar obsession to eene. This concerns me personally, if anything. I love this cartoon mainly because of Edd and it scares me... I have an obsession that some years, I am trying to stop loving Edd and this cartoon, but everything returns to my roots as soon as I even see something related. This makes me feel more uncomfortable. This has never happened to me, I always stopped loving something at some point and my obsession became weaker. Do you have any advice? Sometimes I regret that I even decided to watch this cartoon.. This cartoon is cool, but it's not worth my obsession. And especially Edd, he’s a simple character who shouldn’t be liked so much, it’s not normal. I seriously want to found a religion for him, it scares me, I have always condemned such dependence, but now I behave the same way.. I’m disgusted with myself.. I became a fanatic, it's disgusting! I try to shift my attention to something else, but everything comes back to EEnE! It sounds funny, but I really suffer from this addiction, maybe I need a specialist :(

I understand how you feel, I know what it's like to be so obsessed with something unattainable that it hurts, but I don't think you should beat yourself up over it! You deserve better! Being ashamed or feeling disgusted with yourself is only going to make it hurt more - so I do think it would be a good idea to accept that part of you, so that you can cope better, and have more energy to put into constructive things :)

From my experience, trying to repress things internally often doesn't work, or can lead to heartbreak, and I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to do that. You shouldnt be ashamed of love! You cant control it, and its not your fault if it's something you dont want! I know being obsessed the way we are can be really really painful, scary, or it feels stupid, or like a waste of time. But chances are, you can't control how long it lasts or how intense it is - so I believe the best course of action is to try and work alongside the obsession to do something constructive or improve yourself.

You can't control the things your brain latches onto, but you can control what you do with them! Like for me, my obsession with Edd helped me finally start cleaning my living space (it was nearly hoarding, you couldn't see the floor most of the time. Ive been like this my whole life.), and helped me get the motivation to really work on improving my art. I'm not sure what skills you personally would like to focus on, but there are many things you could do! For example, you could learn coding & website design by making a website for him, or you could start leaning any sort of craft so you can make art of him!

Now on the other hand, I know how obsessions this strong can make one feel. I know it can feel so intense it's painful or scary, and I know how it hurts when you can't have the object of your love with you irl. There are many times when my obsession with him physically hurt so bad that i just wished it would stop. I know that pain so deeply, and I understand if keeping your obsession isn't worth it to you anymore. I'd seriously reccomend trying out the things I mentioned earlier, but if they don't work, it's important that you use healthy methods to distance yourself from it

One idea I have would be to find some healthy hobbies, like going on walks/hikes, gardening, cycling, cooking etc... better yet, find a club or something to join, just anything else to focus on! I really reccomend outdoor ones, because 1: there really is alot of natural beauty in the world, so many beautiful things to love, and 2: it's easier to distance yourself from the internet, tv, and any other things that would remind you of EEnE. Do something to keep you from getting bored, so your mind doesn't wander too much and go back to the obsession. (I will say, cooking is quite time consuming and takes alot of thinking! It could be a good distraction that's also fun and good for you)

I think your best bet would be to do a combination of both of these! Take energy away from feeling upset at yourself, and instead put it into doing something good for you. I know it can be difficult to start new things like that, but its at least worth a try. There's no guarantee the obsession would stop, but hopefully you may be able to find something to help put you in a better mindset! Once you're feeling better inside, the obsession may not hurt as much, or be as intense, and it will be easier to live with! :) this may be tough, but hopefully you will end up somewhere better in the long run!

You may have to try some different things and think of some more ideas, but if nothing works, it may be a good idea to talk to a professional about it! I'm sure it would be helpful in some way, and I really do hope you can be happier. They would likely have more guidance to give you than I do

Please feel free to ask me for any advice or support, I want you to be able to live happier. I'll be there to talk whenever you need. I care about you!! Please don't beat yourself up over anything, just try to cope as well as you can. Your happiness is most important. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you need to do 💛 and I hope it hurts less in the future

[madohomurat]

regarding recent events, ive decided to take a different approach towards the label discourse.

TLDR: i still feel the label "bi lesbian" is harmful and perpetuates biphobia/transphobia/lesbophobia, however i am going to be less mean about it?

my approach to this was initially pure, unfiltered hatred and intolerance- this is typically how i react to anything i feel is wrong, like TERFs or republicans. etc.

to see people have this kind of mentality towards maia, to wish jail upon it, is just beyond fucked up. it doesn't deserve that and anyone who thinks that needs to step back and reevaluate their perspective on all of this.

i do not believe maia, or the majority of other individuals who use the "bi lesbian" label to be bad people, nor do i think they genuinely want to invalidate the identity of other people. so for me and anyone else to put them on the same level as like, someone whos straight up intentionally homophobic or transphobic, is absurd. these people arent some kind of dark evil individuals, all they want is to exist and be themselves and thats something that i can relate to!

the fighting between those who support the label and those who oppose it has gotten undeniably out of hand. weve been assuming the worst of one another just to fuel our own anger. for instance, i would often just say 'bi lesbians' legitimately hate lesbians and want us to love men, but honestly i dont even believe this.

comparatively, many people who have accused those who oppose the label as being TERFs, being queerphobic, comparing us to cops, and trying to force them into a box. i cant speak for the people who make these wild accusations, but i want to believe that they genuinely do not believe these claims they make. its particularly ridiculous when TERF accusations are thrown at trans women. like, you dont seriously believe that, do you? i have faith that you dont.

there is what i want to believe is a small minority of people who do live up to these accusations. pro 'bi lesbian' people who genuinely hate lesbians, as well as anti 'bi lesbian' people who are queerphobic and overall intolerant of the freedom of identity. but these two extremes do not apply to the majority.

this is way too wordy at this point, but my conclusion here is that i need to have more basic respect for these people, and not treat them like theyre downright diabolical enemies to me.

again, i still believe wholeheartedly that the label perpetuates harmful ideas. if me presenting points as to why i feel this way makes you uncomfortable, thats not my problem. if you take this genuine criticism of the label as an attack upon you, i hate to say it but, go outside.

i will not denounce anything and everything someone has said or done solely because they support the 'bi lesbian' label. however, im not going to keep my genuine criticisms of the label to myself either. im not opposed to talking to people about this either and further explaining why i feel the way i do! i can hold a civil, mature conversation with someone. im happy to do so.

[ohyoru]

Hey im not good with words or english, but its ok to feel burnt out or tired. Youre not obligated to provide anything to us. You are an author who writes for free. Maybe to have fun maybe to express yourself. You have your own life and thats a good thing. I havent been playing genshin in a while because theres so much work i need to do there like building characters. I havent watched link click s2 because i cant bring myself to sit down for that long. Im sure everyone has something like this happening to them and i just remind myself that it doesnt matter that much. Post unfinished things, make your character builds crap, dont finish a book youve started it doesntmatter. Its about having fun. Its about forgetting your problems(at least for me) or its about spending time with your online friends. Taking a break is necessary. Spending time for yourself is necessary. Taking care of yourself is necessary. I hope i could get my message across. I cant even take my own advice seriously as im too scared to post this without anon but i hope i was able to make you feel better somehow. I also want to say i really love your works even if i dont know who the person you’re writing about is. Ive been following your works for a while and i dont regret it one bit. I would be pretty sad if you were to stop writing for certain people but if it makes you feel happy then i dont mind and im sure others wouldn’t mind it as well. Youre free to do whatever you want ( as long as youre not intruding on other peoples freedom obviously) thank you for reading my wordvomit written in an attempt to comfort you.

dearie anon,

to have you in my inbox is already a blessing enough for me. thank you so much for taking the time of your day to cheer me up, you have no idea how much this means to me (brb crying i dont deserve you sob)

first of all, your message got across. i'm not sure about your english being not good part, but really, your message resonates with me on a level deeper than language can ever explain, truly.

i appreciate your kind reminder that i shouldn't feel obliged to write for anyone. i honestly feel like it's eating me out because i put myself in the equation as well. i had been a writer before, back when tokyo revengers (anime) was still in its first season since i'm more of a manga reader. if you were in that era, you might came across my work. alas, things happened. what used to be good memories (including writing) turned into very hurtful ones and i stopped doing what i love because they're causing me so much pain. nonetheless, i still slowly died inside. it took me a while to be at peace with my past and understand that writing is what makes me the person i am. so i'm determined to start again and keep it up. but when life gets in the way and hold me back from writing (again), it depresses me. (including not playing genshin). honestly, i'm feeling lonely. what and who i used to know and love seemed to only exist in the past. people moved on, topics became irrelevant, relationship broke. which i don't blame, but it still makes me cry once in a while.

sorry for the traumadump uh- i feel like i should explain myself a little. i hope that didn't scare you too much. but anyway, you're right! i should do whatever i want. maybe i need to reframe my perspective. i love that you mention about reading book thingy because i have the same issue and yes, i'm a reader through and through. but it's been so long since i read.. the irony. maybe all i need to do is start. and love myself a bit more to stop torturing myself with unnecessary thoughts..

you know what anon? i love the past me. i dont remember exactly what i love about her, but she used to be so at peace. i'm trying to find my way back to her, and i think you're helping me set my way there, so thank you. i dont know about your problems, but if you're willing to share, i'm more than happy to listen. don't forget to take care of yourself too okay? i hope your days ahead are the loveliest yet!

also, thank you for appreciating my works! when i started writing again, i told myself and whoever that's willing to take the time of their day to consume my content that i don't need anyone's attention or approval (shadowban be damned. if it happens, it happens). i did it solely for myself. but god knows how much your kind words and others' fill up the spaces in my heart.

i'm not going to ask anything from my works. your support is something i could never repay, but i'll always appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

(btw yes, you did send this on anon hehe i got a hunch on who you might be but if you prefer to keep it a secret, then rest assured, your secret is safe with me!)

[bluntforceheadtrauma]

okay so weight/eating is a veryyyyy sensitive subject for some people as we know.

i had friends do this to me all the time. Especially when my friends who were rather thin would point out a fat person to poke fun at and im literally bigger than that person? or they are thin and call themselves fat, it's like, if you think youre fat, you must think im a whale or something! the only way i have mitigated this is to take focus off of my own self image first, bc you cant fight the internal AND outer battle of fatphobia. that is what this is-- your friend is unfortunately fat-phobic it seems which is often a side effect of low self esteem or having been shamed for being the weight they are-- so now they subconsciously do it to other people. your friend points out weight in photos, of people that arent even him and passes judgement onto them as though he is superior, when really it's massive inferiority complex bc some people see being thin as something to achieve-- rather than just accepting there will be all sorts of body size variations. Their focus is on skinniness, they see attractiveness in skinny people (not that they arent attractive dont get me wrong) but your friend idealizes these people because he wants to be that. so the way i would go about the situation is to remind yourself that he is thinking solely about his own body even when he is passing judgement onto others. Try to remove yourself from the equation as well because he doesnt intend to insult you and probably doesnt even realize that they are. appearance is everything to some people.

i think i would sit down with this friend and give it a precursor warning that it is a serious conversation, and if you feel it's appropriate, to warn them that the conversation you want to have involves weight and self image.

I would express my concerns more over his own perception of himself, and how he A) doesnt have the healthiest mindset when it comes to weight and B) you understand very well the struggles of self image in relation to weight, then bring up the sense of discomfort you get when they point out fat people. I would express to him that Fat is not a bad word, it is just a body shape. Some people have no control over their weight like i did due to medical problems, all fat people deserve respect, kindness, and so what if they ate their way into being overweight, as long as you are not actively hurting yourself with overeating-- then why care about someone else's weight? How does that person's weight effect him? seriously ask him that the next time he points out a fat person and ask "Well how does their weight effect you though?" because it literally does not effect him at all other than rehashing self harming behaviours of fat phobia and slinging it at a different person.

it probably feels better to put the focus on other people's weight than to accept his own.

But a concept needs to be driven home that weight does not effect worth, weight doesnt indicate anything, there may be a stigma and fatphobia but he is adding to the fatphobia rather than fighting it, and you'll probably want to ask him why he prefers fat phobia to fat positivity and it may give him something to think about as well as make him aware that you notice when he self deprecates or displays fatphobia. I would never outright directly say "youre fatphobic" bc that will just put him on defense. it needs to carefully be suggested

sorry for the unsolicited advice, i hope something in here is helpful for you and your friend <3

Hey nah no worries, I appreciate it a lot + am looking for a bit of advice when I make posts into questions like that

But I agree 100% It’s a self image issue I also feel having another perspective on how your words sound to others; realizing how rude your thoughts and feelings about your own body can sound to others helps me a lot with putting things into perspective. Like I try not to pass judgement on myself as much as possible not even for myself but more for the benefit of my own morals lol. If you think that stuff about yourself too long you will inevitably see yourself in others and will hate them for it too and not know why

[lightboundhellhound]

honestly i think it’s the fact that i cant even bring up how their actions make me feel without being called “sensitive” and being told im “overreacting” BITCH I KNOW THIS SHIT ALREADY, YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF????

BUT ALSO IN MY DEFENSE YOU HAD TO HAVE KNOWN THIS WOULD READ AS A DICK MOVE. YOU ALL GOT MILKSHAKES WITHOUT ME, AND CAME HOME AND FLAUNTED THEM IN MY FUCKING FACE, AND NOT ONLY DID YOU NOT SAY A QUICK “sorry we didn’t get you anything” BUT YOU DIDNT EVEN FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU DID. I SWEAR TO GOD IM GONNA TURN INTO THE JOKER IF SHIT LIKE THIS KEEPS HAPPENING, THIS HAS GONE ON FOR TOO FUCKING LONG

AND THATS THE FUCKING THING !!!!!! ITS NOT EVEN JUST ABOUT THE FUCKING MILKSHAKES!!!!!! ITS THE FACT THAT YOU SAY AND DO SHIT THAT MAKES ME FEEL SHUNNED, LEFT OUT, ALONE, AND UNIMPORTANT, AND YOU HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO TELL ME I DONT DESERVE TO FEEL NEGATIVELY ABOUT IT.

“you’re overreacting, stop being so sensitive, it was just a joke, you take everything too seriously, i cant even have a conversation with you, like seriously you victimize yourself too much,” THESE ARE ALL THINGS MY SO CALLED FUCKING “FAMILY” HAS SAID TO ME.

WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS COME DOWN TO THAT. ITS MY FAULT FOR FEELING THINGS TOO DEEPLY. ITS MY FAULT FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING. ITS ALWAYS ME ME FUCKING ME BECAUSE MY FAMILY COULD NEVER BE THE ONES AT FAULT!!!!!

WHY SHOULD MY FEELINGS BE ADDRESSED, WHY SHOULD ANYONE WONDER HOW TO HELP ME, ITS NOT LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO FEEL THIS WAY, THE PROBLEM ISNT WHY I FEEL THIS WAY, ITS THE FACT THAT I FEEL THIS FUCKING WAY AT ALL.

[eeyes]

Struggling with mobility again. THINKIBG. Reflecting. Laminating. Rotating.

It is so hideous to be mistreated by the system and go home and have no support snd be treated subhuman everywhere and i truly despise everyone who has made me bargain for my humanity becquse they think im lying about my condition or they see in struggling and just dont care…

Remembering my psychiatrist who saw i walked into the appointment shaking and requested a chair with a tall back so i could have spinal support, bc i knew at that point w my condition that helped me stop shaking and feel faint, and he kept saying itd “break policy” to move chairs while his decrepit ass sat there in a full sized office chair. So i asked him for his and he just kept saying how it wasnt gonna happen and tried to keep asking me about psychiatry questions but i couldnt remember anything bc i was feeling too bad to form proper sentences 🙄

And my sister and her gf, any time i needed help getting food, going to the bathroom, etc etc they could both be awake 1 room away and hear me say i need help for 30 min and not give a fuck bc they are on their computers. Literally were days i would keep repeating “can someone get me food” and slapping myself cuz if im hungry my body acts stupid and i twitch a bunch and the two of them would get into SCREAMING arguments over how they both didnt wanna help me get like. Cereal…

Another time. aome fuckass nurse saw that i was admitted into the hospital for not being able to walk and told me i didnt need her help going to the bathroom and left me partway in the hallway telling me to go the rest of the way myself so she could do something else and i ended up maybe 5 feet closer to the bathroom then when she left me and laid down on the floor so id stop shaking/wouldnt pass out like what did you expect 😭😭😭😭

Like . im mad at all these situations clearly im mad but i just feel so defeated. I seriously dod not see myself as human for several years because of this treatment and j still struggl to every time i have mobility issues… I just want to be able to have flareups and not wake up immediately crying because i have to overexert myself and make people argue over whether its worth it to help me get food or driven to the doctor or take baths lolooolololol

And im hoping my current flareup isnt longer than a week… Recently ive been doing better. But i seriously get so depressed every time it happens again and im still sorting all these feelings out in therapy and i deserve to talk about the way ive been treated… And i mean i deserve to have bad days. I cant control my body.

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i wanted to die at one point in my life. i wanted to watch as the blood dripped from the endless cuts i put on my own body, i wnted to see how mny i could fit on the areas of my body that werent visible because i wanted that private pain because i always knew the complete hypocrisy and idiocy of being suicidal and making it a caricature for the world to see.

its why i felt so stupid going to a psychologist that i seeked out for myself, every week, filling in that stupid sheet and downplaying my true feelings because it seemed so redundant to say i was depressed and anxious and having suicidal thoughts when i clearly desired to live enough to tell someone and try get help for it. but somehow i still wanted those things too. and i was invalidating myself by thinking the psychologist who barely knew or cared about me gave two shits about the fact that i was being a hypocrite.

im almost certain i have bpd.

if not i definitely have emotional dysregulation.

"nobody understands"

does nobody want to understand? or do i want them to not understand? or do i put it in the too hard basket - because no one knows how to fucking listen these days. or is it that i simply dont know how to say it. to say the hard thing and communicate how i truly feel. which is pure shit.

im beginning to disssociate from my own reality. potentially very likely the reason and source for all my creativity that i was wondering about. i thought it had gone for good. turns out i just needed to be completely stressed and depressed for it to come back - my perfect distraction. my one true love. dqydreaming. maladaptive daydreaming... hits different when my reality is unbelievably shit and worse. makes me get real juicy and creative with my made up stories to escape into.

the way my life is actully grreqt and fine and dandy and im lucky and special and i still feel like this. will the feeling ever go away?

its not fair that you made it all about you. my mental health is suffering because im trying so hard for everyone and youre turning my efforts into anither problem to pick away at? fuck you. fuck you. watch me prioritise myself. watch me take the biggest step away from you. youve failed me again, you alwaus fail me! you will never know what it feels like to be me. yiu will never understand.

i need to move out. i need to leave. i need to get the FUCK away. im so angry im heartbroken. im so angry im broken. i feel like a child again. how could you fail me so badly that i cut my own body and fantasized about death?

i really want to just go invisible. become the physical embodiment of what my internal world is feeling. but... more than usual. archive everything on instagram and change my bio to "gone for abit". delete the app. delete everything in fact. go awol. leave. disappear. isnt that what you want? isnt that what you deserve? if you wanted to ignore me so bad. ill just fucking leave then. ill go! im happy to do that. but somehow i know that wont work anymore. it never did, actually. it only did for me. and now i dont even think i get that as a consolation. because unfortunately my conscience is just too self aware to do that. anyway.

i just dont see anyone taking me and my issues seriously. thats how this problemcame to be, wasnt it? my parents judged and laughed at my big emotions. my feelings. my thoughts. now i dont know how to express fucking anything. but i also ccan? cause ive made it this far. hiding. hiding in plain sight. ugh

i cant keep doing this anymore. i cant keep writing! but i also cant keep hiding. but fucking everyone sucks. theyre just gonna have to deal, i suppose. what do i do, god? i dont know what else there is to say anymore. its all on the table. im still angry and hurt. and im so agonisingly close to that familiar feeling. god, i want to turn to my old bad habits but i know it wont help me. its a beautifully sadistic secret. but it helps nothing. its just a pointless secret. but at least its a release. its a sinful pleasure. once i do it, ill unravel. but i kind of want to. i want to be a bad person. ive always been a bad person pretending to be good, though. i could just be bad and authentic, and covered in bloody scars too. or i could just ... i wont go there just yet. im not thaat stupid, am i?

EWJGFVJFVKJDVKJDFVJKDFJKFVKJFVJKN

[lostinatrainofthoughts]

update on the date

so apparently.... i am the problem haha.

i told jid that i needed to sit with my feelings after the date and evaluate where this was all going. i was so adamant with that mindset about not pursuing a relationship with him because of those little icks (asshole huwaina) such as him mansplaining (like which guy doesnt? its in their nature) and him dismissing some of my needs (like his persistence of taking me out to the beach, him not believing i cant eat tuna bc of a doc i watched in college) and his stupid lateness and inability to text if hes late (he made me drive all the way to his workplace to only findout he wasnt there yet when i called despite me texting earlier on to say ill make my move early and having to drive to the restaurant alone and him making me wait again for 30 mins at the restaurant) and his fear of being 30 and acting like i have a life a head of me just bc im 3 years younger and his need to shorten my name when i told him i hate when ppl shorten my name.

i had it all in my head that i'll tell him it cant work out bc we are incompatible. wrong. i learnt so much about him today. we have so much in common. he said his mom gifted him a house (hes rich af lol) and i said how would he like to design it and he said minimal. and i was like ohh me too. he said things like i dont have anything to hide from you, you can always check my phone, if we go on a honeymoon then its not about the sex but its more like the latenight deep talks, he says that im free to go wherever i want with whoever i want, as long as i tell him im still alive from time to time. he even gave me gifts which is so heartbreaking.... he gave a cute little heart bracelet which totally fits my vibe and gave me cute little cat badges bc i like cats. he was considerate enough to pour me his bottled water bc i finoshed mine and he prepared my cutleries for me. and hes so gentle with me. he even said he wanted to take photos of me with his digicam and i said i was to shy. so he didnt force it and only took 1 photo of me for the mems. he paid for my food and said i could take away some more. he offered to help me finish my dessert bc the stupid restuarant said for hygiene purposes they couldnt do it. he always called the waiter for me even tho i said i could do it myself. he even always texts me to becareful when im out and its raining. he told me the way to his heart is thru bakes. and i told him i actuallt love baking. we both have a sweet tooth too.

hes always reassuring me and i never did that for him bc i was so terrified to do it bc im scared of beimg in a relationship forever and feel trapped.

so we got home at 6pm HAHA not 7pm. bc i told him i needed to have dinner out w my mom n sis which was true btw.

we were talking about attachment styles and mine is fearful avoidant. and he just foundout his was anxious preoccupied. so he asked me if that will change things and i told him honestly yeah it will. and thats when i realised its not him thats the problem, its me. i cant accept his words and i use it against him all the time, im focused on his flaws to strengthen my need to get out of a relationship. and im bawling as i say this but i always love to sabotage relatiomships and its no womder i like emotionally unavailable men bc thats my perception of how men are. they prove im right?? and im content with having people not appreciate me? im in tears as i say this and i know im probably going to regret saying no to jid when hes the closest guy whos literally to my ideal type and i flat out rejected him bc im unable to meet his emotional needs bc im too fixated on the idea of my independence beimg compromised. thats not fair at all. he doesnt deserve that. i cant and dont even know how to deal with this problem unless i go for therapy. fuck my dad and moms relationship seriously 😂😂😂 if it werent for them i wouldnt be like this ! i wouldnt be so scared of commitment and have deep lingering trust issues. in my head im always thinking im never deserving of being in a relationship and i cant give to people. in this way, i sabotage myself. and it doesnt even feel good anymore. im so sorry jid. i wish i wasnt like this. i feel so horrible.

[blissedbaby]

im trying so hard but its so difficult i dont know how to love i just wish im doing it right

if it comes naturally then that must be love right

if your natural instinct is to go out of your way for someone and care for them and spend time thinking about them when your apart

if you change bad habits within yourself because you want to be a good person for them

if you try and do things you find difficult because you want them to be happy and you want to get over your own fears too...

honestly ive always been so scared of love, growing up i never felt worthy of love and i always thought there was something wrong with me

i used to hide away in my room and think about all the things i was missing out on, all the things that i could experience if i was more attractive or more fun and interesting.

i never had a good perception of men growing up, (apart from my grandad) but growing up around my father and seeing how he treated me and my mum i always thought all men were that way, i decided around the age of 12 that not only was i unloveable but that i didnt want to be loved, growing up in the household i did, seeing how my dad loved my mum meant i was scared of love

when i was in my early teens i did always feel insecure, seeing all my schoolfriends get boyfriends and always talk about boys, i wasnt popular or pretty i was the funny girl, the girl people would always be "having a laugh with" but looking back i dont think that i was funny i think i was just a good person to have a laugh at

around 16 i decided that i could do better with myself, i dyed my hair dressed how i wanted to and actually learned how to apply makeup, obviously after this my experience as a teenage girl changed, people started to make fun of me less and i was actually treated like i was a human being by the girls at school who looking back seriously used to take the piss out of me

after this change though i actually felt worse than i did initially, although externally i may look different, internally i still have all of my old insecurities

i can never believe that im pretty or worthy of any type of romantic love, i blame my childhood for that

and the worst part

now that im experiencing in my vision, true love for the first time ever, i cant even come to accept it...

i guess maybe i just dont want to rush it, i know i tell him i love him, and i do, i love him so much more than he knows but at the same time i would wait years upon years for him to fully feel like he can love me back 100%, i hope i would make a good girlfriend and hopefully one day im deserving of that

i know he does care for me, and ive never known anyone like him ever ive never had the fortune to encounter anyone as fascinating and thoughtful and supportive as him

i wonder what i have done in a past life to be able to deserve this in this life, and i know its selfish to say but i love that i get to see a side of him thats rare to others, i feel like we were made for eachother

i hate crying infront of him, i dont want him to think im weak, but in so many ways i have to admit that i am, a small part of me is still that insecure 13 year old who always felt unworthy of love

i wish in the future i feel more secure within myself to not be so afraid and worried about things that wont happen

i love him, hes shown me things and feelings that i never thought i was capable of, and these 7 (almost 8) months have been the best of my life, im forever grateful for his presence in my life, thank you for healing me

[drfirefly08]

HKSADHKHKEA HELP I DID UQUIZ GENSHIN KIN QUIZZES FOR FUNSIES AND THEN??? JUST FELT INCREDIBLY EXPOSED AND NOW IM REFLECTING ON MYSELF.... SOME OF THESE ARE TOO ACCURATE AND IM NOT SURE WHAT TO FEEL ABOUT IT

and the green are someone else's thoughts on the results! theyre someone im very close with haha

and this talks about my feelings so uh a bit of sadness under the cut since this is a bit long

first - CHONGYUN MY GUY!!!

"Even though you're young, you feel like you have decades of weight upon your shoulders. You tend to focus on it, and sometimes it consumes you, but you need to know that your pain is only a small, small part of you." NO SHUT PLEASE, YES IM YOUNG AND YES IM IN (MENTAL/EMOTIONAL) PAIN A LOT, OKAY I GET IT

"Most of the time, you're just adorable. Yes, I don't care if you don't think so. You're precious. You're one of the kindest people out there, and a lot of people tend to see you as innocent if they don't know you." mmm i suppose i do act a bit cute at times with my discord friends;;;; And! Well, i try to be kind and respectful most of the time, outside of silly banter which well isnt genuinely mean in any way

"You feel incompetent a lot of the time, but you aren't. The people in your life all appreciate you, even if you don't see it. You can be oblivious to the love people have for you sometimes, but try not to be stuck in your own head so much." I... well i suppose i tend to put myself down a lot,,, and sometimes i wonder if the people i consider close to me truly care,,, but they've said and done things that show they care, which is comforting ^^

[ I guess yes you feel like that even though you're young, and there's nothing wrong in feeling like that, a student has alot of things that they have to take care of. There's nothing wrong in you feeling like that. You seem to get stressed with it too, and that's understandable. You do need to know that it's all just a small part of you. I absolutely agree on this, you're not only most of the times but all the time absolutely adorable (atleast to me). You're really, yes, one of the kindest people out there. I think you try to enjoy things. Not only focus on one thing, Though I may be wrong on that. I think you are trying your best. ]

second - kaeya!!! my blorbo

"you're lonely, accept it. you miss soft hugs and forehead kisses that you'd get so often as a child. or maybe you never got lots of that?" ok yeah maybe im a bit lonely,,, i still get hugs... but mm it doesnt feel the same as it used to be, i've grown more.. sad? pessimistic? and it hasnt let me appreciate the hugs more...

"you probably crave affection, but you'd never ask for it, because you don't feel like that's something you truly deserve." i.. well tend to daydream comforting moments of affection, tho these tend to focus on romantic affection... even for platonic affection, i dont usually ask my parents for hugs and i dont really have close enough irl friends for that type of stuff... and well i cant ask for irl affection, it feels strange, i usually keep to myself so it would be weird to ask one irl. im much more comfortable with affection online

"You're a bit different and that makes you scared, so you pretend to be someone else. always joking around people not to make it obvious and to fit in well - you would never be open about that." yeah i am a bit different than my irl peers. i act differently around them, my parents too. my parents think im some good innocent daughter when i am unwell and not innocent at all! heck! im not even sure if im their daughter! or son! but ah, yes i mostly joke around with my peers, who are mostly my classmates. i joke at times, sometimes about my own mental health. they probably dont take the mental health jokes seriously, which good, i dont think i can handle someone irl genuinely worrying about my mental health...

"but the person who you really are, are they unattractive? youve never had a chance to know because you haven't showed the real you to anyone. you're scared. do you drink or smoke? maybe you really like energy drinks or coffee? extreme sports? horror movies? trying to replace real feelings from real interacting with imitations of them." this... is the least me out of all of this result. i know who i am, i am who who is firefly, who i am irl is not the full me. i may not be able to describe myself but i know i am who firefly is. i have shown the real me, and its on discord.

[ You, absolutely I will give you alot of affection if you just asked. I agree with this, you always tend to think that you don't deserve good things. Yeah, I thought you were really positive at first, because that's how you tried to look like. But you're not like that. I agree that you need to open tf up. Because no you're not unattractive. ]

third - another kaeya!

"wow you're hot ok." pfft, i've been called handsome, pretty, beautiful and cute before. but not hot lol.

"you have a lot of abandonment issues, you are scared that the people you care about are going to slip out of your reach the moment that you show any signs of weakness." WOW OKAY INSTANTLY CALLING OUT MY ABANDONMENT ISSUES!!! yes i am scared i will lose the people i care about, my comfort people especially. it honestly started when i got super attached with this one online friend but they slowly became less active and then disappeared and deleted their account. i sent one last heartfelt message before they deleted it, i didnt know they would delete their account. they never replied, so i never knew if they saw it. i've had many night where i cried and worried over them because i knew their life wasnt the... greatest. i worried for the worst. but its fine, i remembered they had another account on another platform and msged them. theyre okay. the worst hasnt happened.

"i promise that they won't leave, you're gonna be ok." yeah. yeah i really hope so...

"you are very good at telling lies but find ways to use this talent in a good way, rather than a hurtful way. you have a flirty personality but actually have little to no interest in relationships." this part... no not really me at all. im not sure if im good at lying. i dont really have a flirty personality, sure i flirt at times, but thats some times. and i do have interest in relationships, i am in one right now.

"just know that acting aloof and detached from your feelings is not gonna make them go away, you have to face them head on instead of running from them." i... well, i suppose i do sometimes ignore my feelings, especially negative ones. but i've been doing it less and less thanks to having my comfort people... and well having a tumblr to vent on at times too ig

[ Lol yeah I agree with this test. I get that feeling, it's valid tbh to feel like if you show any weakness the other person may leave, it can be from past experience sometimes. I would say I won't leave you tho. Yeah you seemed to really don't like the idea of relationships irl and I get why. I don't really know about the last two lines but the rest really sounds like you. ]

fourth - ei! i literally did not expect to get her

"you believe that you do not deserve your friends and that all you do is bring downfall in relationships." OW OKAY, STARTING WITH A HARD HITTER!! yeah, sometimes i dont think i deserve them. sometimes i blame myself when i did smth that couldve upset them and then see them upset after it, even when i dont know if it was what i did that upset them. it especially sucks when it happens with my comfort people

"you feel as if you can do so much better but it’s so hard, endless disappointment in yourself and you’re stubborn to change your ways so in order for you to succeed it takes a little more work and time to find a way around your obstacles." OWWW ANOTHER HARD HITTER.... yeah i feel as if im not at my best, i get upset at myself because i was unable to do smth. but im not stubborn enough to change my ways... i dont have the energy. the gifted kid burnout man,,, it sucks

"also, one bad experience can give you a bad impression of that person forever! first impressions are important to you because they are “vibes” you get upon meeting the person." i... not really?? sure the bad experience will linger around that will make me judgemental of them but i still can find good things about them...

[ If you believe that thing then I will write a whole fricking essay later, you deserve your friends. You know you need to be proud of your work sometimes, you do good enough. I really think this one result kinda relates to you but I am not entirely sure. The first part about you feeling like you don't deserve your friends or happiness, I noticed that you tend to think that. ]

last! - albedo! also another surprise

"you're either burnt out or you're on your way there and you totally need to learn how to ask for help." FUNNY HOW I MENTIONED MY GIFTED KID BURNOUT EARLIER HAHAH,,,, and yeah ig i need to learn to ask for help sometimes.... its a bit of a struggle

"maybe you think you don't deserve love or you think you weigh people down but you bring people up more often than you think." yeah sometimes i dont think i deserve the love my friends give me and sometimes i think im a burden too. but.. ik people like me, my online friends at least.

"no one hates you or thinks you're boring whenever you open your mouth, you probably have a unique perspective on the things you love and you should be more confident. i'd probably hang onto every word you said even if it was an essay's length on your favourite colour" oh... i tend to be a dry texter at times when i dont know what to say. and yeah i tend to be underconfident in things, i usually have an answer but i was too doubtful on whether it was correct or not and then someone raises their hand and says the exact same answer and gets it right. happens a lot;;;;

[ Feeling like you weigh people down or are a burden to them is normal. Many people tend to think that. Part of human emotions again, even I feel like I am a burden to you. Though i think I need to tell you that you do deserve love and you're not a burden. Yeah I agree, you're really fun to talk to, I've never felt bored when talking to you. I would actually really like if you talked alot more about things you like. ]