#i feel like even as someone who isn't indigenous i was able to understand how fucked silver fox's role in sabes + logan's story is;

[contagionofcreed]

oh my lord don't get me STARTED.

i cannot emphasize how hard i agree with this just generally speaking. ik this was mentioned, but something that just doesn't sit with me is that silver fox's character served to be something tragic for logan rather than with the intial intention to be built into her own character in any proper way. her trauma is inevitably treated as his, which is an issue alone without the racism being involved.

i'd like to add on that i feel this is an issue with rape culture in media, especially comics, in general. i hardly see any discussion on the topic even though it runs rampant in comics and often has this weird undertone of "this is here because this is one of the worst evils a man can do" while written by men.. usually poorly, at that. the implications alone disturb me tbh. it's tossed around almost as flippantly as a character trope and is either used for some level of shock value or just won't be taken seriously by any means.

additionally marvel has an overall issue with writing sabretooth as a character. there's no limit set for him and it can honestly make it seem like their writers just don't fully understand what they're doing..? is he the most disgusting, irredeemable man to walk or is he someone to hold sympathy and care for? sometimes it feels like the writing is very black and white... the fandom is, unfortunately, not much better. i'm not asking that sabretooth be a charity-donating saint who hands out hand-written cursive apologies to those he so much as bumps into. but at what point do we draw the line? why should i have any sympathy for a character who does just vile evils without reason? it becomes entirely pointless eventually.

if you need to resort to just throwing in SA needlessly into your story in order to write a "beastly" character, you are bad at writing. and if you are someone who feels the need to defend this concept or claim to not feel a particularly strong way about it, i feel like you aren't equipped to try and involve yourself in the first place, and that you need to stay in your lane; i see an unnecessary amount of people who will throw up their hands and go "w-w-well um!! EVIL characters do EVIL things!! heh.. you're just too sensitive... heh.." instead of thinking for literally two seconds about why someone might not like the way a topic is handled.

i don't think this is an untouchable topic to be portrayed in comics, but it'd be a blatant lie to pretend that marvel has a credible history of tackling this with care.

marvel, i think, to some degree understands that this treatment towards silver fox and her portrayals [bonus points for when she falls under the "exotic native girl" stereotype.. gags.] are, ofc and obv, not. good. why else would they repeatedly either not mention it, brush it under the rug, or even retcon it? i honestly just wish they had the capability of being direct with addressing this sort of stuff.

you should not need to have your hand held to understand why this concept as a whole, especially for characters like silver fox, is in poor taste.

im so anti “sabretooth is a sexual predator” for so many reasons.

mainly tho? is that the inciting incident for this part of his personality is such a typical stereotyped instance of trauma against an INDIGENOUS WOMAN. murdering her is bad enough, but at least that contributes to the narrative and fits his murderous behavior. adding on that he assaulted her dead body is just so unnecessary. indigenous people don’t exist to be assaulted for your entertainment, especially when that addition to the narrative wouldn’t even change the outcome of the story.

[drdemonprince]

hi, devon. i’m a very socially anxious white autistic person who has been quite active in protests and some related events and actions the last couple of months. i really agree with your opinions on how white supremacy can shift our focus away from community, but i find it nearly impossible to actively parttake in community. i show up with a mindset of actively contributing but feel paralyzed when faced with the chance. i don’t really know how to make social connections in general, but i so badly want to contribute to community. i think white guilt kinda plays into things as well and that makes me so ashamed and then i spiral. ik it’s a lot but do you have advice on navigating a deep urge and feeling of responsibility (as it pretty much is my responsibility as someone who wants to fight for liberation) but feeling paralyzed whenever a chance to connect actually presents itself? i always end up fumbling and unintentionally rejecting people who try to connect w me as well. i used to be very politically active as a teen but that was through organisations with a lot of structure which enabled me to feel more able. i do whatever actions i can, but being hindered by my inability to form connections makes me worried i won’t be able to end up in the communities that fight for liberation in the long haul. i’m ready to this this for the rest of my life, but not alone.

I understand this feeling so much. Please keep at it. One of the biggest problems with the white supremacy brain disease is that it expects us to do more & more quickly than is reasonable or helpful to expect of a person. So it is very likely you are beating yourself up for not speaking up, for not jumping in to offer help, and for not asserting yourself to the degree that you think that you "should," but in reality many of those efforts would be misplaced or self-defeating if you were to embark on them right now. This is a long journey, and white supremacy culture believes in urgency above all things too, and so it's important for you to give yourself some grace as well as to accept that progress for you will be a long haul, and that's okay.

Many people have told me that becoming even a neutral member of a community as a white person is an uphill battle. So many of our impulses and the social tools that we wield actively destroy community. to learn to become a good community member, we have to listen and learn a lot, and keep showing up, and risk looking foolish, inert, useless, or whatever else we worst fear. If you're not doing much right now but still showing up, you might be a neutral member! That's a good start actually. Keep going.

Also try to keep an open heart and an open mind when people of color or longstanding members of the space challenge you, correct you, playfully tease you, or try to include you, even if it feels embarassing or like an attack -- it isn't an attack, but white supremacy brain will have you thinking that it is. If you read my essay Moments of Protest, I describe a moment like this at the Powwow I recently visited. Indigenous men singled me out, brought me into the dances, included me, taught me the moves, and gave me an award even tho I was doing a miserably bad job -- I was MORTIFIED and the white fragile person inside me wanted to run away and apologize for being so inept and never come there again. Instead, I pushed past my stupid ego and kept dancing and felt incredible gratitude in my heart. This kinda thing happens in a lot of POC-led activist spaces too. People will ask you your opinion, tell you how to contribute, correct you, include you, and it will humble you, and it will be scary at first, but do your best to just stick with it and stay present doing the thing, even if you feel red-faced and guilty. Slowly you will get more used to it and you don't reflexively withdraw or push people away. It took me no joke YEARS to get to this point. I used to flee instinctively or even be mad at people for bursting my self protective bubble. You can work through it.

A lot of my usual distress tolerance building advice also applies here (see my substack for more). But I think that if you are already showing up to actions a lot and are self-aware about it, you are on the right track. You just need to keep going. Attend organizing meetings, not just protests themselves if you can. Contribute your opinion when it is warranted. Don't beat yourself up for being silent sometimes and don't beat yourself up for disagreeing with people or having questions and your opinions. Accept conflict as a healthy form of intimacy and dont run away when a moment gets awkward. Just keep learning and retraining yourself and noticing the love that people show -- by offering food, by making jokes, by acknowledging your presence to make you feel welcome, by allowing you to be there and helping you to be a better version of yourself. we all have a long way to go in this work, but you can do it. you're already doing it! you got this.

[fairuzfan]

i’ve seen so many people simply claim that jewish palestinians point blank do not exist and it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of judaism/jewish history to claim they do… 🫥 deeply exhausting takes on this website

That's the thing is that it's just a blatant rewrite of history. And I'm not saying this to tokenize Jewish Palestinians or anything or make them a construct, it's just as someone who wonders at what point "Palestinian" ends and what point "Jewish" begins or vise versa. Like it's a question of identity. If I decide, myself, that I want to convert to judiasm... well right now, I can't as Palestinians aren't allowed to convert which is weird as hell, but if I could and wanted to — am I giving up a part of identity and switching it out for another one? Am I allowed to keep both identities together? If so, how do I fit into my community at large? What decides me, a 3rd generation refugee who has never been to Palestine, as "Palestinian" enough? Someone can deny my Palestinian heritage because there are arbitrary definitions being put in place without the consultation of all community members.

Like what's the point of this separation? I genuinely don't see a reason beyond segregation purposes. Some people say that it's to keep Jewish people safe (which I don't believe but to go along with this argument), But that safety relies on segregation and division of a society. Which obviously no real safety can occur, but also like you can't lie and say that it's something it's not. You can't say a society that makes distinctions based on identity legally is in any way democratic or just for all people for that matter. Because even if there are efforts to make people equal, when you have to say "Palestinians and Jews are equal..." Well you just straight up named the two groups you think have a difference between each other. That implicitly requires the reader to perceive a divide.

And you can argue, "let's just call everyone Israeli and make no distinctions between Palestinian and Jewish people," but Palestinians in Israel would never agree to that unilaterally, even if we are operating on a two state solution (which will never happen but for arguments sake). They'd rather not abandon their cultural identification. And even then, when the society is built of Jewish supremacy with the express purpose of erasing Palestinians codified in their founding documents, is that equality, knowing an indigenous population had to give up their identity to subscribe to perceived peace? Isn't that inherently violent and anti-equality?

Indiginiety, in Palestine, as i dont feel confident to speak on other peoples cultures and struggles, has to do with your relationship to colonialism as well as the land. For me, an indigenous person who has suffered the effects of displacement of colonialism and who regularly watches from afar as their land gets tormented, to hear that the only way I can go back to visit that land is to deny my centuries worth of ancestors buried on PALESTINIAN land, then I'd be incredibly heartbroken. This is even from my own perspective, which I consider the least important in my family line. My grandmother should be able to see her father's burial place without worrying about whether or not she's considered Palestinian or fully colonized as Israeli. My mother should be able to stroll the lands she's always heard stories about without worrying that the very essense of her personhood, the thing shes been denied her entire life having to grow up in refugee camp, as a palestinian is being denied in totality at the end of her struggle. People in refugee camps should be able to go back without worrying about where they fall in the world hierarchies of weirdly defined terms.

So like what's the real purpose with this distinction, exactly?? Any sort of society which operates on some basis of understanding that it is "for" a specific group of people and not anyone else is inherently flawed.

And like, again, Jewish Palestinians are a demographic that exist, I'm not saying this as a gotcha or construct, I am asking this for myself who has stakes in the matter of how this question is answered and dealt with in this larger framework. Would I stop being Palestinian if I decide one day to convert to judiasm? Am I "Palestinian enough" to receive the right of return based on the definitions of Palestinians you come up with in an Israeli society? If I'm excluded in any way, then yeah, I'm going to be angry about it. Most people would be. The issue is that I don't see a way to go about answering these questions without inevitably excluding someone or some group, if not in the definition, in the ways we form our communities after the fact.

[genericpuff]

Sorry for the racist anon

I dunno how it works for Native Americans, but In Australia, those with Indigenous bloodlines are considered First Nations, no matter their skin tone of ethnic features.

This is largely due to ethnic genocide and colonisation, which I’m guessing Native Americans also experienced(of course), so to see a Indigenous person cry that someone’s “too white” to be First Nations is sickeningly ignorant.

aha I appreciate that <3

And I actually can totally relate to that because my bloodline falls under First Nations labelling! Except instead of being Australian, I'm Canadian haha I don't know if it was the same in Australia but it was practiced for a long time here (I think up until the 80's?) that if you were a First Nations woman who married a non-First Nations man, you'd lose your status as a First Nations woman. So my grandmother, who was raised in a residential school from a very young age, lost her legal status after marrying a French man and that passed on to her children and even her grandchildren. So I actually wasn't legally considered First Nations until around my preteens/teenage years when we were able to contest our status and bloodline with the government and get it back. Colonization unfortunately runs very deep in my family across the generations going back to my grandmother, much of my father's side of the family are strictly Christian (like, I'm talking "women aren't allowed to wear pants" type Christian) and I was raised as someone who was visibly different in a community of predominantly French/Irish people, but no one had the tools or resources to tell me why I was different without giving me an extremely whitewashed version of events. It makes me really upset for past me because being different really alienated me from a culture I didn't understand and didn't want to bother understanding at the time - I didn't want to be First Nations, because being First Nations was "weird" and "different" and I wanted to fit in.

Thankfully now I'm an adult and I've learned that my culture isn't something to be ashamed of, but proud of. Sometimes it makes me a little sad to feel like a foreigner to my own peers, where I'm learning about traditions and norms that many already had from childhood, but it's been a fun learning experience and it brings me so much joy to reconnect to a history and culture that was almost wiped out with my grandmother. I'm glad I learned about my culture and what was almost taken from me before it was too late.

It's frankly why it really shocked me in that previous ask, hearing "eh, you're not brown enough to be Indigenous and you should stfu" because I was literally picked on and singled out - even by my own white-passing family members - for being brown and "the odd one out" growing up. Being called a "cracker" was definitely a new one for me, I've been called every other manner of name for being darker-skinned and having visibly native features but never a name for not being dark-skinned enough ?? Like man, that's wild. Unlocking some whole new side content right here LMAO

[hillbilly---man]

Controversial Olympics opinions:

(been listening to too many olympics podcasts lately so my brain is stuck on it lmao. Sorry about it)

They should get rid of golf It's only been in the Olympics like five times (and the first two times were in 1900 and 1904... let's be real). And we shouldn't be making host cities build golf courses!

Tbh they should get rid of sports for which the Olympics aren't the most prestigious international competition The Olympic Games are a good way to showcase smaller sports, but there's no room in the program for much expansion. Take out tennis, take out golf, take out football (soccer)

Strongly reconsider equestrian events Personally I think it's weird that there are events where horses are so central. If motor sports aren't permitted, it seems odd that horses are. It also rubs me the wrong way that equestrian events feel so much more.. upper-class than the rest. Honestly I'll stop short of saying "get rid of these" because I admittedly don't know much about the sport

Bring back tug-of-war It's easy to understand, and wouldn't require an extra facility or anything. It's also a sport that doesn't require expensive equipment or specialized training facilities... a low barrier of entry means you don't have to be wealthy to be competitive. It would be so cool

Consider permanent hosts I do like the idea of moving the Games around so that we get to see elements of local culture embedded into the Olympics. It's a showcase not only for the athletics but also the arts (I have more to say on that next). Unfortunately, the Olympics has gotten to a point where it's difficult to find a host city that's able to support the Games. Can you imagine a village of like 2300 people like Lake Placid hosting the Olympics today?? Not to mention the displacement and other human rights violations that are often tied to the preparations... There are people who think they should just pick a city each for the Summer and Winter Olympics and have them be a permanent host. That's certainly better than destroying lives and local economies like it does now... but what about that cultural showcase thing? I have an idea: Permanent host locations, but invite a different nation to organize each time. That way smaller, poorer countries can "host" and showcase themselves without the enormous cost and difficulty of physically hosting. Also don't let them both be in fucking France

Bring back the art competitions! There were official art competitions as part of the Olympics in the early days, but they voted to replace them with exhibitions in the 50s. I just think it'd be cool for someone to get a gold medal in music or architecture nowadays.

Fucking pay the athletes As much goddamn money as the IOC makes, it's criminal that it's on the backs of people who they're not even paying to be there. Most Olympic athletes aren't raking in massive endorsement deals, and a lot of them are paying to get there out of their own pockets or via GoFundMe. Pay the volunteers, too, while you're at it. You don't have to make them rich, just make it so you don't have to already be well-off to do it.

Let indigenous nations compete as their own team if they want There's talk of allowing the Haudenosaunee Nation to enter a lacrosse team at the 2028 Olympics, but the IOC isn't in favor as of now because they don't have their own National Olympic Committee. Bad excuse; make an exception. After all, the Refugee Olympic Team exists. Y'all literally make the rules

Ban Israel They banned South Africa for decades due to Apartheid. They've banned several other nations due to wartime actions. There's precedent; they can do this (they won't)

Incorporate the Paralympics into the Olympics (if they want) The parenthetical is there bc I don't know enough about what the Paralympic athletes actually want. If they prefer their own event, swag HOWEVER, from an outsider's perspective, I think it's kind of frustrating how it's treated as a secondary competition. There's less coverage, less attention, and the medals don't count the same in the eyes of most people. For example: did you know that American swimmer Trischa Zorn has 41 gold medals? Michael Phelps just has 23. But HE'S the one who gets to be the "most decorated Olympian of all time" because Trischa's medals are in the Paralympic Games. I think seeing adapted sports alongside their conventional counterparts would be fascinating. Put those in primetime with everything else! People who don't care to seek them out need to see disabled athletes too

[praisedbesophia]

im lightskin quarter latine whose greatgrandparents deliberately did not teach their son mexican culture or even to speak spanish hoping he would have better opportunities. then he and his daughter married very white europeans. i look white, culturally im white, but theres something missing in me, i feel lost and theres freedom and an overwhelming sense of place in the deserts of the southwest(my home already), the flow of the spanish tongue(estoy aprendiendo), the flavors of the cuisine, everything.

i feel a strong (though currently broken) connection to my ancestry and pull towards mexican culture, but im very concerned about appropriating or claiming something never meant for me. i knew i wasnt ready for any of the spirituality, but reading your blog made me realize it may never be available to me.

do you have any advice for a young person trying to reconnect with their ancestors' culture?

im still not even sure i can claim to be latine, or if even that much is inappropriate

Hi anon! I'm excited to hear that you're interested in reconnecting to Mexican and Latine culture. One thing I would recommend (and it seems you're already doing this considering you sent me an ask) is to reach out to and interact with people who were raised in the culture. Here on Tumblr it would mean not only following Mexicans and other Latines, but also reblogging our posts. And not just the "fun" ones. We absolutely do notice how whiteblr is quick to reblog pictures of Santa Muerte but ignore posts that discuss things like the absolute racism and vileness of "Mexican coquette", or the neocolonialism of Mexico and other Latin American countries

For example, I have mentioned in the past that non-Latine westerners have moved into Indigenous and rural Mexican communities and have either driven out the locals (many of whom whose families have lived in those same communities for literal centuries) or else have unofficially introduced segregation with the locals getting the short end of the stick. I am not exaggerating when I say that there are banks, restaurants, grocery stores, hotels, schools etc. in Mexico that will not serve Mexicans. These exist solely for (non-Latine white) western neocolonizers. Sadly but unsurprisingly, my posts and similar posts by other Mexicans have been all but ignored by whiteblr

Which brings me to another point. It is important that you acknowledge your whiteness and privileges it gives you. Understand that you will most likely be perceived as gringo by most Mexicans. In fact most Latines will likely perceive you as gringo. This isn't meant to discourage you; it is simply a fact. Even my dad and I who aren't remotely white passing by US standards have been perceived as gringos — which in Mexican culture typically refers to a non-Latine white USAmerican — by other Mexicans because we are light skinned USAmerican native English speakers

There are people who will tell you that you will never be able to claim Mexican culture. Ignore them. I have found that most of those people aren't even Mexican in the first place. Many aren't even Latines. And the ones that are often turn out to be xenophobic and white supremacist. Yes, the legal definition may say one thing, but the legal definition isn't the cultural definition. I have cousins who do not fit the legal definition of Mexican whatsover, yet they are still Mexican. They walk through this world as Mexicans. The only people to have ever told them that they're not Mexicans? I'm sure you can guess

Claiming Latine may be a little more complicated. There are many who believe that the term Latine should only apply to people raised in Latin America or who have a parent raised in Latin America. The Mexican definition of Latine is more relaxed, but even we would give dirty looks to someone with absolutely no connection to Mexico or Latin America whatsoever (beyond some distant unknown ancestor) claiming Latine

This is not out of xenophobia. Rather this is a response to racist and xenophobic attempts by non-Latine white westerners to redefine and claim Latine and Latin American for themselves within recent years after centuries of dehumanizing us and deeming our cultures inferior

Learning Spanish is of course a good idea. Becoming fluent isn't necessary — I'm not, and it was my first language as a small child — but you should learn enough to at least communicate in full sentences. Plus learning Spanish will allow you greater interaction with Latamblr. Many Latines on here write their posts mostly if not entirely in Spanish or Portuguese. Some do it because they don't know how to read or write in English. Others for other reasons

Do you know where your great grandparents were from? Mexican culture is rich and varied. Each state is its own traditions, cuisine, dress, dialects, music, etc. White rice (often cooked with butter) is a common part of the diet in Jalisco where my mother is from. Yet my paternal grandparents from Chihuahua had literally never even eaten white rice until one of their daughters married a Chinese man. And let's not forget Californio, Tejano, Nuevomexicano, Sonoran Chicano cultures. These cultures are often dismissed and degraded (even by other Mexicans) but they too are rich

I am also grateful for you admitting that you are not ready to engage with Mexican spirituality and may likely never be able to. However, should you choose to look into Mexican spirituality in the future, please keep this in mind: Mexican spirituality is heavily Catholic. Mexico is the second most Catholic country in Latin America (Brazil takes first place). More specifically, Mexican spirituality centers heavily around La Virgen de Guadalupe. In fact one of our most famous hymns is called La Guadalupana, and in that hymn is a verse that claims devotion to La Virgen de Guadalupe as essential to being Mexican

Many of us find it offensive and insulting when people attempt to separate Catholicism and devotion to Guadalupe from Mexican Spirituality. Even some Indigenous Mexicans have expressed finding this offensive and insulting because while it's true that most Indigenous Mexican religions and spiritual traditions predate the Catholic Church in Mexico, even many of those have been influenced and permanently altered by Catholicism

[asksoldieron]

SO-21: The Problem with Trolley Problems

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

No art, but I am working on it and I will add it retroactively. The eyes are letting me draw, just real slow.

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for Black Box (250|21) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

And so we come to the point! Well, one of many points, it's a long work. But this is one I'm going to hammer into the ground, because I think if people don't engage with it and understand it, bad things will keep happening. A person can get so used to there only being bad decisions, that they don't even look for good ones anymore.

I don't feel good about the gang doing a war crime, and you shouldn't either. I stacked the deck so you'd forgive them; not everyone is going to read from the very beginning and new readers may not trust me, so I pulled my punch. (You can blame my spouse for advising me to have mercy on you now, so you won't stop reading and run away.) You don't get a lot of humanizing interaction with the innocent tourist they assault, and Erik will, of course, forgive his family once he's able. They lay out their decision process for you, and it really does look like they're making the best decision with the information they have - but it's NOT a good decision. I don't want you to duck that.

And it doesn't matter that it's not. One-by-one, they make their peace with it, each for their own reasons. They even get Maggie to help, because she sees they're going to do it anyway, she can't stop them, and she doesn't want Erik to get hurt even worse. And they do it. It's done and they can't take it back, they can only move on from here.

Then we all find out John did the same thing, and why.

When he saw unknown numbers of innocent lives tied to the track, including children, John elected to throw the lever and run over Erik's family and autonomy. They're not dead, the damage isn't irreparable, but they sure are hurt. Likewise, Erik's family will throw that lever to save Erik's future physical and mental health, at the cost of his and an innocent stranger's ability to consent.

I've been planning this plotline since at least 2017 (My original inclination was to force people to compare the mass kidnappings of immigrant and Indigenous children to the Holocaust, but, uh, my focus has broadened out of necessity. Clearly.) , so I had no idea it would go up while my country of origin is trying to decide between one of two genocidal Presidents, but it has. Much like Maggie, I'm sitting here with the full knowledge that one of two bad things will happen, we will not be able to take it back, and we can only move on from there. And, to add insult to injury, she's got to listen to a person she respects explain why sexual assault is OK in this case, and try to square that up with her opinion of him in general. It's not even like he doesn't care, but it's the only thing he can see to do, so he'll defend it. And she'll let him.

Of course, these weren't the best decisions they could've made, but they would've had to take risks that could've ruined everything to get a better result. Neither John nor Erik's family feel secure enough to do that. They've been hurt enough. So (slight spoiler, but I won't go into it) John missed his chance to pick up Diane to help him, and the NDA rejected calling David back with little consideration.

It may not be obvious, but David was telling lies with purpose. He's trying to protect John and the Rainbows from people who could get them all killed. (Given how mad Milo and Ann get later, this is a valid concern.) If they called him back and he saw they weren't buying that Erik would be fine, he'd explain about the battery and try to take all the blame, even at the cost of burning his bridges with Hyacinth. Then the shopping bag with the info would've arrived and confirmed the nature of the damage. (As well as the decent odds that Erik would recover from it within a week, with better operating instructions to help.) But they didn't even give him a chance. It didn't seem worth doing.

When we have to solve a lot of trolley problems, we get used to the idea that someone is going to get run over and we're just deciding who. It's very difficult to reject the entire premise and find another way. While you're trying to take a third option, the trolley might run over someone you don't want to lose! So you pull the lever and move on to the next awful scenario. You're doing your best!

OK, but we sure are running over an awful lot of people. I do wonder how many more will die before the majority of voters decide the risk of a derailment is preferable to running over whatever's on the tracks. I mean, we're going ahead with the genocide. It's far away and we don't have to look at 'em dying, there is that. If it gets a little closer and both choices involve mowing down (more) immigrants on the southern border, will that do it? I'm really scared that it won't, and I could get confirmation on that during this election too. If we're willing to allow that, what's next? (I'm constantly gripping the edges of my seat and waiting to hear, "Well, both candidates are going to send all the trans kids to conversion therapy, so can we please focus on Roe v. Wade/the Supreme Court/healthcare/student loans/etc...?")

I think, I hope, there's a point where everyone will refuse to engage with "choose who" and refocus on "MAKE IT STOP." But we're not there yet. I don't know what happens when we get there, either. A lot of revolutions just rearrange the hierarchy and change the nature of who gets tied to the tracks. I don't want that, and I don't want this. Maybe, if my work survives, someone in the future will be in a position to make some better decisions, and stop the goddamn trollies forever.

So I keep writing and hoping like hell.

Future readers, if you're wondering how we knew it was wrong and did it anyway, I've tried to express that in capsule form with its own context. I hope you can understand, if not forgive, and go on from wherever you are too.

[Back to Site?]

[genderqueerdykes]

Hello! Guess I'll give this a shot. Fairly recently I came out to my mom about being transfem. Although she's pretty supportive, she hasn't been addressing me by my new name and pronouns. I couldn't tell whether she forgets or isn't able to adjust. She compliments me in masc terms and stuff, but I'm not sure how I can have a serious talk with her without offending her. In our culture, and especially in our family's context of being majority cis women, there's so much emphasis on "male" children (only one or two boys among my mom's siblings, tho they passed away at a very young age). Any ideas? :(

Sorry for the long text lol

i'm proud of you for coming out, that's very hard! i'm sorry your mother isn't cooperating though, and i'm so sorry to hear about the cultural aspect of it- sometimes that's very, very tough and can be one of the hardest parts to navigate. i have an indigenous friend who is struggling right now because he is a trans man and his family is a matriarchy, and they are very unhappy with him for having one less "woman" in the family now, so to speak.

as much as culture can be important, i think it's unfair to cast expectations on to someone else. i hope you're able to sit down with your mother and have a conversation with you. i understand not wanting to hurt her feelings, but i think it is important to express to her that it is hurting your feelings to not be addressed correctly. i think if you are gentle with the conversation and open up by letting her know that you know she's not doing it to be rude or anything, but that you need her to understand that it is important to you and that while she may not notice when she uses the wrong pronouns or masculine terms, you do, and it hurts, feels wrong, or feels alienating, like she's not talking to you, but someone else.

that's kinda how it felt with my family after i came out. they were like "yeah, we figured it was something like that." and then just kept deadnaming me constantly. kept calling me daughter and sister. kept calling me she. it feels like they're talking about a completely different person. it feels like they're talking about someone else who isn't even in the room. like... you come out to them and they're like yeah, that's cool... and then it falls out the back of their head or something. it may not be important to them, but it's important to us. i think having a conversation with her is the best strategy.

you can write a note or some bullet points to help you organize your thoughts. when talking to her, try to use "i" statements instead of "you" statements, so instead of saying something like "you never use my correct pronouns and it hurts my feelings," try saying "i feel alienated and hurt when you don't address me by correct name and pronouns." Maybe things to the effect of "I don't feel cared for or appreciated when I'm being complimented in masculine terms," "I feel very hurt and upset when you deadname me." I've learned through many therapists that these statements soften the blow and feel less like an attack, and can be more easily digested by someone receiving a serious talk.

a l o t of families will try to pull the "well i've known you as (the wrong gender) all your life so it's going to take me a while to adjust) and my best suggestion to responding to that is saying something to the effect of "I know that's who you know me as, but that's not who I am, and it hurts when you call me those things." Be firm with stating who you are while reassuring her that you're not here to attack her but to let her know that it's disrespectful and it doesn't matter what other things factor into the situation- you are not being respected and you do not feel seen or heard. everything else doesn't matter when you are not being given the respect that you deserve.

i hope that helps, and i'm proud of you for coming out to her, that's not easy. i hope you're able to have a conversation with her and i hope it goes well, take care friend, feel free to come back at any point! it's very hard to come out as transfem, we are here for you

[bloodanddiscoballs]

8, 19, 25 for the choose violence askgame : ))

8.) common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

That Kim would have been cool when he was younger OR is a super cool guy now. Sorry but only Harry thinks he's cool sjfbfj let Kim be repressed and boring. He thinks smoking weed once was super scandalous. He feels like a nerd. A socks and sandals tourist lookin dude who has the huge hat and white sunscreen on his nose. He's LAME and that's hot

19.) you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

I wouldn't say I'm ashamed of liking any of the characters but I will say I like that they added a fascist route and element to this game (LET ME EXPLAIN). I think, at least for me, it can be really hard to see how people can come to certain conclusions in life, especially when it feels so cruel and wrong on a gut level. So I appreciate that there is an option to explore and step back and understand how fear and systematic stress can warp one's vision in order to try and have some kind of power and control. I'm someone who does try to understand why someone draws the conclusions that they do because I want to be able to understand the root of someone's hate for me so I know how to either combat it or avoid it (since I'm brown, disabled, indigenous, queer). Being able to explore how easily one can fall into the trap of Us vs Them helps to recognize it in yourself so that you DON'T become the one hurting other people. Understanding how people get sucked into the fascism mindset allows those of us who are adults keep those who are younger safe (the conversation of younger boys especially being targeted has been had over and over again). I appreciate that DE has the conversation in many different ways, even with Noid, where you see how easy it can be for fascist ideas to take root. Buuut when you say "I like that they included this as a route/discussion point" not everyone is gonna understand what you mean, especially since it seems like more and more people who don't wanna think are joining the fandom.

25.) common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Could I just dump all the Jean shit into this one shfbdj I'm just tired of seeing a post a week about how people who like a character who really only gets like, what, 20mins or so of screen time?? is a horrible person and that all Jean-likers should be ashamed of themselves. He's just a guy. He isn't perfect he actually sucks in a lot of ways but that's what's interesting to me about him. It feels like people either go "Oh he's actually this tortured soul!!!! baby him!!!!!!!" or "HE KILLED MY GRANDMA" like actually he's a plot device into the world of the RCM and his character stuff suffers from the massive amount of cuts they had to do in order to finish the game. I think he, Judit, Trant, Chester, Torson, Jules, and Pryce would have all been more interesting to all of us if they had been able to write the story they wanted but we didn't get everything so.

Disco Elysium Asks⤵️

[whitepassingpocs]

i feel like a lot of native asks have come through lately, so here’s mine? in short, i feel conflicted about reconnecting as im more than just a couple of generations separated from my native ancestors.

ive grown up my whole life knowing about my indigenous ancestry and while understanding of the specifics was somewhat limited in the past few years ive managed to learn a lot. however despite all this, i feel as though because my ancestors are so many generations apart from me i don't have the "right" to reconnect? however on the other hand i also feel as though my family has managed to keep many cultural traditions, values, and teachings alive and well in our line. there's a lot of things as to why, from how you're supposed to treat elders, to how to hunt and the honor you owe the animal(s), and even so i have relatives who don't use their birth names but go entirely by nicknames they were given/earned later on, etc. i know blood quantum is made up and such but i feel like/wonder how many generations removed you are from your ancestry has to have some sort of significance? right? i am the first generation out of my family who doesn't live on what is our (forgive me for not knowing the correct term) "traditional homeland", im the first to live in a different state, different areas, etc. i feel like if i don't take the steps to try to get back in contact with our indigenous community then the opportunity may be lost for each generation after me, as im the first who is unlikely to be able to raise children in the community the generations before me had because of where i live now compared to my family. it makes me sad to think that i am potentially leaving behind my ancestors, or choosing a future where i don't remember or honor them and their values but at the same time i can't help but feel like it's unnecessary or unwanted for me to try to reconnect because there are other people who are "more native" who belong more/should have the opportunity over me. i feel like just because i want something doesn't mean i should get to have it? i want to learn more about traditions my family lost and be more in touch with traditional teachings, and arts, and so much more not only just for myself but to be able to pass these things on to my children and truly honor where we came from i just feel conflicted as to whether or not it's my place to (have the opportunity) do so and am looking for some guidance from someone who's been somewhere similar or maybe even the same place? i know that nobody can make any choices for me, but i feel like between you and the community you've built here that could potentially help me somehow- whether it be through everyone's own experiences or just links to places where others have been through something similar and i would be incredibly grateful for that. thank you.

tldr: i worry i am not native enough/too far generationally from my native ancestors to bother reconnecting/be worthy of such an opportunity that i wonder if doing so is something i should even attempt or continue to consider. is there some truth to what i am saying or is it just blood quantum related stuff i should unlearn? are there any other people here who have many generations of separation between them and their indigenous ancestors who would like to weigh in with what they did? etc.

hello there. apart from checking out this blog's reconnecting tag for more advice, remember your culture is yours. it's as simple as that. it's not a pie chart or percentage, it's either something you have by blood or it isn't. your culture is yours because your ancestors are yours and their culture is yours, even with time between you. all those generations mean you have an unbroken ancestoral connection that's complicated, not diluted. adding milk to coffee doesn't mean the coffee isn't there anymore. I can't tell you how to live your life but I like to remind people that blood quantum is a colonial measurement that has nothing useful to say about WHO you are. It was the coloniser's tool. to paraphrase a great saying, the colonisers tools will never dismantle the colonisers house. you will never find reconnection in a paradigm designed for genocide. it's YOUR culture, your community and your family's culture - if you approach your learning and reconnection from a place of treating your initial connection as a fact rather than a fraction, that connection will only become stronger. wishing you all the best! If anyone has advice for anon, pls share!

[kingoftheblacksun]

I am beginning to feel better, I almost hesitate to say it as I so want it to be true. This past week I seem to have been able to better confront my worst of incompletions. With intention I seek to heal them, so I may let them go as they are illusion.

While my anger is righteous, my ranting of feminism will never yield fruit. What's really needed is promotion of the constructive positive option, that being a "twin cities" approach of community that is patriarchy-matriarchy, each distinct yet held in loving union.

Despite my wretched state, I am someone who has studied this like a fevered femme Alan Turing, and I have been mentored by those who silently watch. I have known for sometime I must retire my spectacle, yet is difficult when I have little refinement.

The world is in a deep crisis, and you either know about it and it's constantly hovering in your mind, or you have no idea what I'm talking about. Despite something like half the people having no idea what I'm talking about - it's very real. Our world is changing, big time.

I've been finding a spike of males like me (who is she/her) - cosmic systems who are lucid and not "DSM" crazy, yet dysphoric, lost, and really confused. Most call the Father as Lucifer, which pleases me, as it's true. I think of these males as the locusts of Apollyon. Wolf seeds starting to sprout, to grow the dragon heads they will bloom.

Those males will need light workers. They are highly ideation troubled and I worry for them like a mother. The two sexes are going to need to bring empathy for one another as your trials have not been the same, and each of you will likely be horrified to realize what the other has endured while you were blinded with your own mess.

This image is a prototype I want to expand upon. Tell me how well it conveys the concept? We who are Solar have a true duality that is like a negative reflection. The Tetramorph plus the transcendental naga make up our 'race'. I am the Lion headed snake. This is real, friends.

What needs to happen in the world is the Eagle needs to turn to face the Lion and make peace. I swear it's that simple, all the rest will cascade. The Lion is a freaking sweetheart. Sorry the snake is scary.

God is a being of energy who is not bound by words, and alllll scripture was written about them. People keep acting like God came "after", like scripture invented them like fiction. Aiyaya. I facepalm. If you know God is real then it should be a no brainer that they are older than everything, even the universe - they are older than all words, all sounds, everything, yet even 'older' isn't right as they are unbound by time. Older and Oldest.

I am a sad lonely trans girl with Dacian ancestry who somehow woke up her masculine divine and became King. I'm sorry I've been such a bitch face to 'feminists' yet I supported that shit all my life and they are who stabbed me to death. I love women. I just don't like game playing abusers and in trauma I lost my head to venting. I really am sorry.

We must Create something new. The others who don't know what I'm talking about can go off and sink with the ship, I'm tired of caring. Yet we who are going to remain, need to start thinking about our futures, because "liberals" are not going to be here in the future telling us how to behave. We need to start thinking of our own communities and own ways, with knowledge, love, and understanding.

The image is neurodivergence as well. It is indigenous ancestry. The bastards pathologized indigenous cosmic circuitry, and intentionally with maleficence formed society which prioritized externalized context made to crush us into despair. The whole world is a lie made to hurt us. God sees it with their great one eye. Intention. Will.

Pashupatastra. Let all the poisons that lurk in the muck, hatch out. 🦁❤️‍🔥🐍

[realjaysumlin]

June 12, 1963: Medgar Evers Murdered in Mississippi - Zinn Education Project

It's so easy for Black Indigenous People to forgive the shit people who call themselves white for killing our innocent Women and Men who are trying to bring equal rights to our Black Indigenous People globally and yet they are murdered and their murderers are able to grow old while our wives and children have to grow up without their parents and spouses.

We live in a sick and wicked world and we don't hold anyone accountable for these acts as a way of saying it's okay to murder us but it isn't okay for the shit people who commit these crimes to feel bad about their genocides against us.

I don't know where we as Black Indigenous People come from sometimes because how much can we take just because someone hates everything about us? It's really sad that taking the so called high road isn't saving our innocent people 😭💔.

We can serve a country that hates us because we are taught to love our enemies and our enemies can't wait to murder us without the fear of being prosecuted. Yet Black Indigenous People globally are being the blame for criminal activity. The entire world hates Black Indigenous People globally who haven't done anything to harm anyone but they love the shit people who call themselves who have caused harm to everyone.

I will never understand this world because I came from a place where we reward goodness and we punish wickedness. My world is lost because since 1441 everything has changed where wickedness is rewarded and goodness is punished, we can see this in the Trump atrocious acts and behavior versus what former President Obama did and he is considered a worse president compared to a piece of shit like Trump.

You Christian people really have life fucked up. You can't even follow your own fucking rules but you want to indoctrinate future generations on some shit commandments that you people don't even follow.

[lobselvith8]

Why are you attacking @febrezecandles? There are people who enjoy Obsidian games. The Outer Worlds did a lot of things right right after some disappointment with Fallout 4 making a lot of the same mistakes as Dragon Age II and Dragon Age: Inquisition - the poor paraphrasing, the heavy rails on the story, the limited dialogue choices, and skills not reflecting our personality.

That's not to say that it did everything right - some of the dialogue that comes out of Adelaide's mouth if you support her is an example of the developers trying too hard to pull the "both sides have a point" and doing it very poorly, as if a woman who lost a son due to a capitalist society that dehumanized him and other workers like him has no right to be upset at how capitalism took away her only child. Or the way in which the Optimal Outcome is only possible on Monarch if you keep around capitalism.

But people talk about that, especially in places like tumblr where people can civilly discuss and debate ideas and topics. You can criticize things that you enjoy. Even ardent fans of New Vegas criticize the White Savior trope of Honest Hearts and how it doesn't allow for the criticism of Daniel trying to convert Indigenous people, or how being able to talk down Lanius makes little sense within the vanilla game. Sawyer himself acknowledges the shortcomings of Honest Hearts and doesn't pull the old Bioware "the fans don't understand our artistic genius" card.

Why take offense that someone doesn't like the modern games that Bethesda has released? I liked Fallout 3. I enjoyed Skyrim and Fallout 4, despite the flaws with both (and I agree with the people who say that Bethesda has been stripping out more and more RPG elements with each new game). I have friends and followers who have different views than I do about certain factions and games. I think it's kind of pointless to act offended if someone doesn't have the same tastes in games as you do.

The Outer Worlds criticized capitalism, and could have gone further, but didn't because it refused to seriously explore an alternative to capitalism. Fallout 76 could have taken that further step within the scope of Appalachia or a faction like the Free States, but it simply doesn't, and I don't see the problem with people who feel like Bethesda plays it too safe and have little faith that Starfield will be any different. Treating games or companies as if they are sacred and should be beyond criticism is silly - New Vegas isn't the Bible and Bethesda isn't infallible. People should be able to talk about their views and feelings on games.

i intend to completely miss starfield. i dont want to see what kind of scifi bethesda makes when they have the freedom to be less political. it's just going to reek of centrism and cynicism. how the fuck could it not.

[keshetchai]

I don't know how to phrase this question exactly but please understand that I'm being genuine! ... Do white jews and white converts suffer from anti/semitism? Because I'm not sure if it's a racist issue,,, or if Jewish is even an ethnicity?? ahh i have a lot to learn. I hope this isn't insensitive. thank you

Um I’m a lil low on spoons rn but I’ll try to just…generally answer and other Jewish followers can add on?:

1.) Jews are members of an ethnoreligion. Meaning that the majority of Jews are ethnically/genetically related to each other, but that ethnic group also shares a religion. The exception is generally speaking, converts, who may not be ethnically Jewish. There’s a lot more nuance there but I’m just saying the basics. But yeah you can be ethnically Jewish. 2.) Jewish people existed as an ethnoreligious group prior to the modern idea of races/race in general. Uhhh…basically the concept of human races comes after the concept of a unified Jewish people/identity, afaik. 2a.) Related: early “race” classifications tended to do….weird things! (Hello that’s because racism, obvs) but like in the 18th century a lot of white Europeans classed a lot of MENA people as “caucasoid” - actually let’s be super clear: racist ass 18th century Germans said this. And Caucasoid was divided into Aryan, Semitic, and Hamitic. So…Europeans, West Asians (“Middle Eastern”), and North Africans, plus some of India. …conveniently encompassing anywhere that had been Ancient Rome, Egypt, or Greece, basically.

That dude ranked light skinned people at the top of his model and everyone else below - even within “Caucasoid” as a race. KEEP THAT RACIST GERMAN GUY IN MIND. Uh…then other ppl came in and…edited that model.

Most racial categories have some kind of system where people are divided into European, Asian, African, and American (as in Native), plus possibly something that covers Oceania (one person called it the “Malay” race). We….generally speaking have not really gone very far beyond that, at least not in the US, where MENA people are still auto-categorized on the census as “white”. (And because the US government doesn’t…really account for mixing of indigenous ppl with colonizers well, most latinxs are forced to mark themselves as white Hispanics/Latinos if they’re not also API or black or registered native, regardless of whether or not they are say, European-white and Latino or not.)

ANYWAYS throughout history Jewish people have been persecuted for being Jewish and different, and therefore as the concepts of races were developed, the ethnicity of Jews played into negative treatment of Jewish people.

3.) by the time Nazi Germany rolled around, that racist 18th century German guy? They basically said “Look at the caucasoid race. The darker Slavic ones are inferior, and the Semitic people (read: the Jews and only the Jews) and Rroma (who fit under that loose - we include India and west Asia definition) are poisoning the race.” so caucasoid or not by anyone’s older and equally racist definitions, they were not Aryans (the very same Germans that 18th century dude talked about being the height of superiority) and they basically claimed that Jewish and Rromani people were vermin/a racial plague/going to be the downfall of the race, etc etc.

I don’t really know how to best explain this atm but basically whether or not Jews were or are caucasoid or white was an incredibly moot point in Nazi Germany. It did not matter.

4.) Antisemitism was and has always been about hatred of Jewish people, regardless of their skin color or tone or regardless of whether or not “Semitic” was classified under “caucasoid” at any point. White Jews are the victims of antisemitism because antisemitism is about hating Jewish people (even if they are caucasoid, because you have to understand that if someone is using those old and racist terms, they genuinely believe Jewish people are going to be the demise of the Aryans, whom they believe to be the superior Caucasoid people/the “whites” vs the…other ethnic ones).

5.) Basically all Jews - even converts - are the targets of antisemitism because it’s aimed at anyone Jewish.

White converts will usually not be the victims of antisemitism aimed at the “ethnic” features of Jews, but they can and do still face antisemitism.

6.) white (usually xtian) people, historically speaking, may see some assimilated “white” Jews and treat them like white people (until they feel like not treating them like white people, in which case they will stop), but white Nazis will never consider “white” Jews as anything but Jewish.

Since race is a social construct: some Jews can ascribe to whiteness but may have that taken away from them at any point by white supremacist/neonazi groups; Jews are “Caucasian” but can never be Aryan “white”, only “Semitic” and antisemitism means hating Jews; Caucasian is not synonymous with “white” or occupying the status of being “white” in society since plenty of MENA people, Indians, and Jews are not light skinned and aren’t treated as if they are “white” in society; but all white people are Caucasian; and when people say “white” they usually MEAN white as in “looks Aryan/light skinned” but “white” doesn’t actually play out that way socially, and includes non-Aryan but sufficiently light skinned people; Jews might be able to be “white” but they’re never “Aryan” and white supremacists/neonazis care about “Aryan white” specifically.

So like even if some ethnic Jews have white skin and occupy relative white privilege (over darker Jews even) in today’s world, they can still be murdered by white supremacists for not being white.

White converts remain the same race and ethnicity they were previously, but can still be targeted by antisemitism.

[deneveve-is-lost]

Okay firstly, you can't get angry at someone for using the name they were given, and there genuinely isn't anything wrong with giving your child a foreign name as long as you know what it means and it's a name and not just a random word. Names are not defined by race, they're just nouns. G*psy is regarded as a slur by many romani people and even the ones who accept or like the term are generally opposed to people using it to refer to anything other than romani people. So yes, the name g*psy is inappropriate, but even still its hard for a person who was named that and grew up with it their whole lives to just give it up, it's not okay to tell someone that they can't use their own name, name changes are hard and cost money, it's not something everyone can just do. There is a difference between naming your child a slur and naming your child with a foreign name.

ATLA did take inspiration from indigenous cultures for the water tribes, but the other 3 nations were all clearly Asian inspired. White people tend to lead the discussions about racism in ATLA, so you're right that POC voices are being drowned out but that doesn't mean that all Asian and Indigenous people think it's racist, and if you want to respect POC voices you need to consider and understand all POC perspectives, not just the one you personally think is right. A POC disagreeing with you does not make their perspective as a POC less valid or important than a POC who agrees with you.

On the final point, I agree with you a lot more, however I still believe it is inappropriate to tell someone that they are not allowed to exist purely because they reflect the internalised biases of their system at the time they were created. It is important for systems with alters from different ethnic backgrounds to reflect on these alters and understand that in many ways they represent stereotypes and racial biases that are not realistic and that can cause harm to real ethnic minorities, however a system cannot simply change an alter if they find that alter represents an internalised bias, they cannot will that alter out of existence either. Alters are still 3 dimensional people and much like real life black people are allowed to be aggressive and listen to rap music without being at fault for the racism they experience, a black alter does not deserve to feel guilt over their own existence as someone who perpetuates a stereotype. As long as the system as a whole acknowledges the stereotype and makes a conscious effort not to perpetuate that stereotype in their real life, that alter is not hurting anyone.

A system I am close friends with has two ethnically ambiguous alters, in that they are not white but they do not identify with any real ethnic group. That said, these alters clearly reflect an internal bias about certain minorities. They were also created when this system was a child. If you expect children to be able to practice extreme critical thinking in opposition to the ideas and biases they are being fed by the adults around them, then you do not understand how children's brains develop. This system now, as an adult, understands that these alters reflect biases, and that they are not representative of any real world group, this does not mean the alters can magically stop existing or change their race.

Your assumption that systems inherently do not understand the ways racial bias affects their alters, and that alters somehow have control over things like what they are called, what they look like, what cultures they identify with, is sanist. Most systems with non white alters do understand that racial bias impacts their alters and that their alters are not really of that racial minority, that does not mean that their alters can stop seeing themselves that way. Most systems do not make attempts to claim cultures they do not belong to or insert themselves into closed cultures as though they belong there, they are aware they do not. If they aren't aware, they may be experiencing less awareness of reality than others, and that is also a psychiatric symptom that should be addressed with patience. You can address a person's underlying bias without attacking their mental health condition and the way it presents.

also, oh my fucking god there's more and more arguing about headmates' names and nationalities. can we not. can we be better as people.

- a very tired Alya

I find this debate to be really sanist and ableist, TBH. You wouldn’t go up to a singlet with a name from another culture and tell them that they need to change their birth name.

This standard also doesn’t apply to fiction. You wouldn’t tell singlets that they’re not allowed to play role-playing games of a popular anime. And nobody cares that Avatar: The Last Airbender was written by two white guys despite being built on Asian culture.

It’s disturbing how this standard is only being applied to neurodivergent people with conditions that cause them to identify with names that are different from the body’s.

Why is there one standard for us and a completely different standard for singlets?

[generousbouquetchopshop-us-blog]

The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. (NOT tonight - I just mean at some point in our lives - this is NOT a terrorist attack - believe me, I do NOT have malicious or evil intentions - well in my opinion at least, but sometimes our perception of ourselves differs to how others perceive us - but does that really matter? All I care about is what I think about myself) Wait, Hang On I Lied. There's one more certainty in life. That you and I are human beings. (Well, I do hope so. After all, I only know who I am. And only you know who you are) Yes I tried my best to think of an engaging first liner to grab your attention. (And if you're still reading this now - it must have worked!) I was just worried with all the 'clutter' and 'competition' out there that you could potentially miss this. And yes that's also why I have the photo of a cute baby. And also because we were all once babies at some point in our lives (well unless you came out another way which is not a certain opening in a female body) And before you amazing security officers out there, Who work super hard to protect your citizens, Even on the weekend (which is meant for rest with family) (and shout out to everyone in Australia who still worked today on Mother's Day -your sacrifice of your treasured time which could have been spent with your Mother (the technical economic term is opportunity cost - in case you were wondering - yes I know you all are secretly nerds) Will never be forgotten) Ok so back to you security officers Think of shutting this down, I assure you that this is NOT a security threat. It is NOT an act of cyber terrorism. 'So what is it then?' - you find yourself thinking (Yes I am a mind reader) Today marks a turning point in the course of mankind. Today marks a day that hope is restored in the world. What you are seeing today will be written in history books for future generations to come. We will make it in a Guinness World Record Book for 1. The most number of people clicking going on a facebook event 2. The most number of people posting on a facebook event page 3. The most number of people sharing the same message across social media I know what you're thinking. Well this girl sounds 'ambitious' Which were common responses I got Well yes, This is 'ambitious' I think so too But 'ambitious' and 'reality' are NOT mutually exclusive (is this the right term? I always struggled with probability in maths) But it's going to happen - keep reading on if you would like to see how history is going to be made :) (But technically, history is being 'made' every single day by each and every one of us just be being alive - even going to the toilet and eliminating waste is technically 'making' history) Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. (And news outlets out there! Please choose a decent photo of me [ie. not one where my armpit hair is showing] Actually, I don't mind if you can find a photo of me with armpit hair. (Yes - that's a challenge!) (We all have hair - I don't see what's the big deal) (Why would you want to see a photo of me with armpit hair when you can just strip yourself down [yes I put this in just for you - you know who you are xD] and just lift up your arm and VOILA!!! Hair before your very eyes!!!!! ) (I'm actually super hairy In my opinion For a girl) Also, I'm going to keep on ranting about this (again, PMS is a real thing for the female population - have sympathy for us fellas!) Another thing I do not understand is why we must wear clothes And in some places in the world, Such as Australia, We can actually get charged with a criminal offence (and maybe be put in gaol) For stripping down in certain public places (with some exceptions such as nude beaches which are mainly filled with elderly people right now - I reckon we can diversify that a little) And showing our 'private parts' (but are our 'private parts' really even that 'private' after all if we all have them? (well I know it differs between females and males)) but yeah - and some of us have unique bodies - either born naturally or through operations - I respect that - it's your life and you choose how you would like to live it - and which gender you would like to live as and which private parts you would like to have) And in some places like Australia, Myth has it that the bigger something (something in a similar shape to a sausage) is The more masculine a male is Well to me, that's absolutely bullshit I don't know how these 'myths' even originated! All sizes are beautiful to me! Ok, so back to me and armpit hair: I filled in one of my friends' survey about hair and shaving yesterday. Why is shaving a thing anyways? We all have hair on our bodies (well some more than others but we all do) Why is it often socially unacceptable for girls have to have cleanly shaven armpits when they wear sleeveless tops or dresses? And why is often socially acceptable for males to not shave?? Now that is gender discrimination to the max! Why is this NOT written in the Discrimination Act in Australia?? (or maybe it is - I have to admit I haven't read it - and I highly doubt that my fellow Australian peers have either - but apologies! If it is in there!) And on that note of Discrimination, It is so real And close It still happens today in the 21st century!!! Right here in Australia This week, I had the privilege of talking to a beautiful Indigenous lady I've always been curious of Indigenous Australian culture (do you know that Indigenous Australian culture is the oldest surviving culture in the entire world???) WOW Because I certainly didn't know this. If Australia was a person And let's just say I was that person for theoretical purposes I would go around showing that off I would tell everyone I would tell the entire world I would be super proud of that I would make sure the entire world knows (but why doesn't the entire world know?- well maybe it's only me who is oblivious and ignorant and unaware - and maybe all of you do know this - please correct me if I'm wrong) Ok, so yeah. This beautiful Indigenous lady (and I do remember your name - I just want to make sure I respect your privacy before I decide to put your name here for the world to see because there's no way that I have been able to contact you) Said her dream was to become a cook (yes you go girl!) And she applied for a cook job recently. She was called in for an interview. But as soon as she showed up, They told her the position had been filled Now if that isn't discrimination to the max, I don't know what you call that I was super angry when I heard this. Now those of you who know me know that I don't normally get angry It takes quite a bit to get Leeann angry (I give off the impression of being a calm, controlled, sweet, pure and innocent girl) If I was present at the time, I would've taken those café owner(s) to court. And sue you for breaching the Discrimination Act Because the legislation is real and it is properly enforced (well I don't work in the legal field so I actually wouldn't know) But nothing in the world (I believe) cannot be resolved with Honest and open Communication. Just by opening our mouths and making some sounds (I think that's what we call a language), Together, we can solve any problem And we must learn to be accountable And take responsibility for our own actions Like a girl (why do we tend to say man? Are we trying to imply that females are less brave than men? My fellow female population Let's band together and prove them wrong -Trust me boys, you never mess with girls, We will make sure You Rue For The Rest Of Your Life Until The Moment You Die :) [just kidding XD- no I'm not kidding here] Yes, we must take responsibility for our own actions like a girl (I remember seeing a campaign trying to challenge gender stereotypes a couple of years back - that was awesome! I forgot what it was called though but I do remember it so it means it was effective) And I will illustrate this with something we all do -fart. Why do we feel the need to suppress our urges to fart? If you stink up a room with your own smelly gas, Then at least do it proudly! Make it as loud as possible! And admit it was you! And apologise maybe! OR, if that's too scary for you, I have another suggestion which has largely been inspired by one of my close mates (who I'm sure would probably appreciate it if I don't name and shame them - your very welcome in advance =D) This is no magic but You simply tell the person you're talking to or the people around you that you need to fart And head outside To do the deed. Then walk back in. And continue with your life. Easy. See, life isn't at all that complicated is it? (I know! I'm a genius!!!) Prior to my launch tonight, I shared my initiative 'Die To Live' with some fellow peers. I had many people who doubted me. But I also had many people who had absolute faith. Now, I don't blame those of you who I spoke to and doubted me. If someone told me that at Sunday 9pm on the 13th of May, 2018, Hope will be restored in the world, That the world will be changed And that it will be a major event in history, I will look at them And think they're nuts! (And no, in case you were wondering, I don't mean the pecan nut, macadamia nut, or peanut) And some of these people also looked like they wanted to lock me up in a mental health hospital. But what does it even mean to be 'mentally ill?' Am I considered 'crazy' just because I have different opinions that nobody else seems to have? Does that make me 'mentally ill?' (Correct me if I'm wrong, but in my humble opinion, that just means I'm a human being) While we're on the topic of 'mental illness,' Check out the School of Life and one of their recent videos Called something along the lines of - why the modern society makes us mentally ill I watched it over breakfast yesterday and could not agree more (i promise that this is not paid advertising/product placement or whatever we choose to call it) Because it's so good that I voluntarily choose to 'advertise' for them The School of Life does not need any paid marketing (yes you girls are awesome!) But at the same time, Yes, I get you. I wouldn't believe it either Until I see it unfold Before my very eyes Myself. But I certainty would not lock someone with different thoughts to mine in a mental health hospital, away from the rest of society. I would simply respect their opinion, try to understand and empathise from their point of view and then move on with my life. And I also had one special 'case.' You know who you are. You're the person I bumped into and didn't think I was 'insane' but instead thought I was plotting to commit suicide at 9pm Sunday May 13th and then upload 13 videos onto Facebook with each video incriminating a different person who lead me to end my life. -Just like the TV series - 13 reasons why Oh you funny!! (but I'm even funnier xD) But you had faith in me and that's all that matters :D Life is NOT a Television series!!! (For those of you who don't know what a TV is - it is essentially a virtual reality -trust me though, it's nothing special - and you're not missing out - because you're living your own reality instead - and I believe that is infinite times cooler than watching someone else's) But what I don't understand is why some of you who doubted me had absolute faith in science. (I'm not throwing shade here [or am I? - well too bad too sad because you'll never know what goes through my mind] but Shout out to that person I had an extremely heated intense friendly 2 hour banter sesh about science and religion a couple of days ago) Those words you used cut me But I forgive you Because I know you didn't mean it Because, in my humble opinion, science is a belief system in itself based off faith. For example, most of us in today's era believe that the Earth is round. And this is 'proven' to us through science. But until I personally travel up into space and view the Earth from a distance with my own very eyes, I refuse to believe this as an absolute 'truth.' (but even then, I may not even trust my own eyes - they could be lying to me - I could just be hallucinating) We often like to think we are 100% certain of many things in our everyday lives. Perhaps uncertainty makes us feel uneasy. In my opinion, we dislike uncertainty. Which is why we try to structure our lives and lock ourselves in some kind of routine to try and eliminate uncertainty (but this is simply NOT possible in my opinion - the only certainty in life is death - but even that's not even certain) Who said we should eat 3 meals a day - Breakfast Lunch And Dinner (for those of you who don't know what I'm rambling on about - because I'm aware you may or may not have ever eaten a proper meal (yet) - they're just names some of us use to tell ourselves when we should eat) Wouldn't hunger be a better indicator of when to eat instead of locked in time periods? And who said that we should aim for 5 serves of vegetables and 2 serves of fruit per day or something along those lines? (Yes it's a rhetorical question - I know who - 'official' nutritional guidelines or something I think) Because for me, if I know that the only certainty in life is death I would rather eat what I want to eat If I enjoy the taste of it But at the same time, it is all about the 'balance' (as Katherine Du likes to say) (there will be more on food and eating in the second part of my 'story' -I'm not going to tell you all of it now -just to make sure you keep reading heeeheheheee) And who decided that humans should sleep once a day? And it has to be at nighttime? And who came up with the guidelines that children need about 9-10 hours of sleep per night And that adults need about 6-8 hours per night? (Yes I know - it is scientifically 'proven' - but how did you scientists come up with these numbers? In saying this, I have the most utmost respect for you scientists -I'm just curious -it's hard work working in labs -I have some mates studying science/medicine and they tell me about their 4 hour lab sessions When I heard this, I was angry Because That's torture! Abuse of human rights!! Because I get hungry every 2-3 hours!!!) Wouldn't sleepiness and fatigue be more appropriate signals of when to sleep? Mum, I know you will read this. I did tell you that your friend's daughters will probably read my 'story' first Then tell their parents Then they will call you up And tell you to read this. (I wasn't at all wrong about that was I?) I have to main things I would like to say to you mummy: 1. Happy mother's day! 2. I love you Remember two nights ago when I got home and slept at 7pm Without eating dinner? And you were upset the next morning that I didn't eat your food? I apologise again if I hurt you, But I feel like it was not that necessary to 'lash out at me' when I asked (just innocently out of curiosity): Who decided that humans should eat 3 meals a day? OK so back to the science and religion 'friendly banter' I had Once again, the only certainty in life is death. (and I will repeat this numerous times throughout my 'story' just to annoy you - <3 - I challenge you to count how many times I mention that - and maybe there will be a prize for the person who gets the right number or gets closest to the right number! - just like those jelly bean in a jar guessing competitions! - just kidding - I'm not serious on this one - I can't be bothered to count myself - I have bigger fish to fry ;)) People thousands of years back were 100% certain that the Earth was flat. But they were somehow 'proven' to be 'wrong'. Now we (or just me) are 100% certain that the Earth is round. So in my humble opinion, we can only 'disprove' things but never 'prove' things. We merely get less 'wrong' each time round (Manson, 2016) But we are never 100% 'right.' Anything is possible. (Well maybe besides eternal life beyond Earth - but even that is not 100% impossible) So, an anonymous person who wishes not to be named recently brought to my attention how Fast the world is changing around us. For example, Facebook was invented in 2004 - it's only been 14 years - but I seem to hardly remember any parts of my life without Facebook in it) Wikipedia was launched in 2001 (and I didn't get this one from Wikipedia) (I don't know how I wouldn't 'survived' all those assignments without you! Thank you Jimmy Wales and Larry Sanger! And bless all you other inventors out there who invented something useful to humanity! Again, bless you all who believed me without needing to see it happen. You know who you are. I will never forget how you made me feel. There is nothing that fuels the human spirit like faith. (unless it's more alcohol) Complete And Utter Faith. Even my mother who raised me for 19 years and whom I crawled out of her (something - let's just say body) Doubted me. Yet some of you had utter and complete faith in me within minutes of talking to you for the very first time. And I reiterate again (mum, I'm not throwing shade at you here) If I had a daughter and she told me she's on a quest to change the world this Sunday at 9pm on Mother's Day, I (I don't know what I would do but I would probably not believe her) So….back to how Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'read' because I am also aware that language translation will be needed. TIP: Try copy and pasting this into google translate! (man technology does wonders!!!) And also because not all of us are blessed to be taught how to read. As to why I chose to use English, It's because it just happens to be the language I'm most fluent in. And also because, for some reason, English also happens to be the 'universal' language used across the world. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'see' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to see. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'listen' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to hear. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'smell' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to smell. (this doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm saying today because in my humble opinion, I don't think we can smell a story??? - well feel free to prove me wrong - nothing is certain in life besides death. TBH (to be honest), I just wanted repetition for a couple of lines because I learnt in high school English, that it will help deliver my message across) And I also say 'eventually' because not everyone in the world as it currently stands has even seen what 'technology' looks like, let alone have access to social media. That’s why I'm relying on YOU all to translate my message and communicate it to these fellow peers. I'm just one person. And I need your help. I can't do this alone (but I will if I have to -but ideally not!) So you find yourself still thinking…. 'Ok, I still have no idea what this post is about.' (Yes I am actually a mind reader) Apologies! I'm only human and I'm flawed and I do occasionally get just a little side-tracked and distracted. You're life has value. You were born for a reason. And I will prove it to you. (Yes - I remember whispering this in one beautiful human's ear a couple of days ago. This beautiful human was so selfless and looked out for me when I was not in the best state of self (this hero walked into the female toilets since I was chundering and got kicked out of security guards as a result) (this hero was prepared to take me home on a 1.5 bus ride at like 11pm at night towards a direction which was completely opposite to where he/she lived) (and this hero probably got some of my churned up mix of food and alcohol on them too - soz) (and I apologise again for that other beautiful human who I chundered on their hand -soz not soz - HAHAHA -I do mean it when I say that (now you're probably wondering which part I'm referring to [well you'll never know! Heheee - <3] ) And thank you to you too! You know who you are! I love our long-as text message chats! And that card you wrote me for my 18th last year -those words really touched me Even though we meet up like once (ok I may be using hyperbole here - I'll say twice) a year, You mean the world to me To me, friendships and relationships in general are much more than hanging out in real life, To me, friendships and relationships are more about having that emotional/spiritual connection with another human being To me, friendships and relationships are not defined by physical presence (although I do believe hanging out in real life is nice too - but life sometimes takes us in different directions - and that is not always possible) You may love another person dearly, but that doesn't mean you necessarily have to be together with a physical presence. 'True' love, in my opinion, is when you genuinely want the best for the other person And being genuinely happy to see them happy Yes that night at Metro Theatre in the city, I got kicked out by security guards within 30 minutes of going inside for a combined university event. I think (and you never trust a drunk person's memory) I had about 11 shots of straight vodka that night (looking back, that was not the best idea) Those security guards who kicked us out were not the nicest people. I know that Deep Deep Deep Deep Deep Down That you guys are beautiful people - just please bring it to the surface and show it to the world You could've been a lot more nicer. After I got kicked out and as I was walking towards Maccas (yas I love you maccas - happy meals were my childhood - why are soft serves $0.75 now? They used to only be $0.30! Inflation is a real thing! That's why I love economics! - I'm expecting a massive surge in economics students both at high school and university heheehee - economics teachers and lecturers - you are very welcome XD) In my drunken and semi-conscious state, I remember vaguely rambling on saying things like Why are people like this? Why are people so mean? Why is the world like this? And probably also crying my chunder out at the same time I was always that good straight A studious nerdy student who always did my homework on time and listened to the teacher in class. I waited till I was 18 until I had my first legal drink. (well I did occasionally have some sips of wine at home over dinner but nothing substantial until I turned 18 -unlike most Asian dads, My dad encouraged me to drink at home - he was more than happy! - you're cool dad xD - just wanted to let you know that) I was at a university first years camp when I had my first drink. I remember feeling sad because the alcohol was way too diluted -and I was too 'heavy-weight' -and I couldn't physically drink that much fluid to feel drunk because I was too full Looking back, I was probably drunk and was probably on the verge of my limit But I didn't know because I've never felt what it was like to be 'drunk' Then about a month and a half later, I went to one of my mate's surprise 18th I wanted to 'test' my 'limit' I drank as many different types of alcohol I could get my hands on Rum Vodka Soju Gin White wine Red wine Whiskey Tequila You Name It (well probs besides Maotai which is $$$$ - and we were all young dumb and broke uni students - yes Khalid I love you) And you can probably guess How my night turned out My face was in the bathroom sink for about 3 hours (well it felt like 10 minutes to me but I've realised my perception is super distorted while under the influence) Thank you to those who accompanied me for the entirety or a part of those 3 hours - I'm sure it didn't make it onto the best nights of your life list I remember feeling so ashamed after. I could not stop thinking about it for at least 3 weeks. My reputation! Like most people who chunder for the first time, I vowed that It Wouldn't Happen Again. (deep inside I knew it would because I just wasn't happy and I knew I would turn to more alcohol to distract myself from that constant emptiness but I didn't see another alternative back then) But my brother and mates weren't at all that 'wrong' when they said something along the lines of That's what they all say. Within a couple of weeks (or months - if that detail matters), I Unsurprisingly Chundered Again. And then I repeated what I said previously. And I got the same responses as I did before (kind of like déjà vu) And then the cycle kept repeating itself so many times that I lost count of how many times I chundered Because I stopped caring My 'reputation' was damaged beyond repair anyways And I was happy with the new me (the person who started to care less about what others thought of me) I was always that super good girl who was sweet, nice and 'innocent' (whatever that means) But what does it even mean to be 'innocent?' What's the definition? A lot of my friends had often commented that when they first met me I seemed like an innocent girl then they realised they were 'wrong' like super 'wrong' - completely off Does the fact that I love alcohol And the fact that I've chundered more times than I remember And the fact that I like to squeal at high pitches to the point it may cause long term ear damage (apologies to those people who I have damaged your hearing permanently) And the fact that I really enjoy raves And love waking up to hardstyle music every morning And chucking a phat (someone please explain to me why it's spelt with a 'ph' - I tried googling but I never found an answer - I guess you can't find all the answers to life's problems on google) Muzz To start my day Make me any less 'innocent'? OK so back to that night I got kicked out of Metro Theatre. It was that night when I realised you beautiful humans had my back. And I will forever have yours too. You are all beautiful. And I still remember that night like it was tonight. And I will never forget it. It is around 9pm here where I am in Sydney, Australia right now. There are approximately 7.6 billion people in this world (rounded to 1 decimal place and 2 significant figures - or 'sig figs' - I'm not talking about the dried fruit here) (according to the World Population Clock at 12:18pm yesterday - Sydney time) I may just be one girl. But one girl can change the world. If you don't believe me, I will prove it to you. (200% guarantee Just take a screenshot of this message When you visit me in gaol/jail [depending on where you live in the world] Effective for one year within today HAHAHA in case you haven't realised already, I'm only kidding) Why must we rely on legal systems and laws to protect ourselves from lies? Why can't we rely on trust instead? I realise that it's probably impractical to scrap our legal systems together -but I do reckon mixing a bit of 'trust' into the mixture won't hurt And I am aware that I live in a hole (not literally) I have lived in Sydney, Australia for most of my life Which I know is not representative of the entire world. Some of the things I talk about may make absolutely no sense to you. But I only humbly ask that you take a moment to understand what some of your fellow peers on the other side of the globe go through on a daily basis or have experienced Even if it is super foreign to you. (If you check up on the news on a regular basis, This should be no different I guess But probs maybe just a bit more 'spicy' and realistic) I'm sure you would like to same favour (or should I say flavour HAHHAH - gosh I'm so funny!) to be returned to you. Can I count on you guys (and the entire female population - I don't know why it's normal to say 'guys' for both genders) to have a read of what I have to say first And try not to act on any prejudice or judgement Before you decide to shut it down? Yeah, sorry, I got a little side-tracked again So… The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. So what is the point of staying alive now if it's all going to come to an end? Why are we living to die instead of dying to live? All of us have a mother. (assuming you are all humans like me and started with 'something' that happened between a male and female) I love my mum. Without my mum I wouldn't be here tonight. Without my mum I wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with you tonight. Without my mum you wouldn't be reading this tonight. In Sydney, Australia, Today is Mother's Day. And it's no coincidence that I've chosen this day to connect with you. This is because today we show our appreciation for the beautiful and incredible woman who brought us into this world, whether she is here with you or not today. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who sucked up the discomfort of having a massive bulge sticking out of her belly for 9 months. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who suffered physical pain and bleed from childbirth. I don't think there can be any other pain greater than the pain of childbirth (well I haven't given birth so I guess I'm not qualified to say so) (Yes the cute baby photo was specifically chosen to capture your attention) Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who blessed us with a life full of opportunity. Mother's Day is today, in Australia. Why are we on social media? And I am no hypocrite here. Why am I myself on social media tonight? Why have we felt the need to create a 'Day' for all our 'Mothers' out there? Is it because, without a 'Mother's Day,' we will forget to love our 'Mothers'? Shouldn't our mothers be appreciated every single day? (Same for all the 'Father's' out there!!! I love you Dad) In the past, all I did for Mother's Day was go to the shops and buy a box of chocolates or some flowers or whatever was on "Mother's Day Sale." But I've realised there are many things that Money Cannot Buy. (feel free to prove me wrong here) There are many things that cannot be Bought And Sold Based on demand and supply on a Market (Yes I love economics!!!) Love. Time. Purpose. Faith. Hope. Life. The List Goes On And On . . . In my humble opinion, I feel like some meaningful celebrations have been overly commercialised in some 'developed' countries. I feel like Christmas Day is more about buying presents and decorating the Christmas tree. I feel like Easter Day is about eating chocolate shaped in an oval egg shape (or bunny or whatever fancy shape chocolate is moulded into to make it more appealing to buy and eat and make it seem different but at the end of the day it's just chocolate - well maybe different in the sense that it has differing percentages of cocoa content - I'm personally a big fan of dark chocolate! - I reckon 70% is just 'perfect' - well just 'right' - because nothing is 'perfect' but also nothing is 'right' - so yeah, I just contradicted what I just said). I feel like ANZAC Day is more about eating ANZAC cookies and buying things with the Australian flag printed on it. And I feel like Chinese New Year is more about receiving free money from relatives (as long as you are unmarried). Now, I'm not suggesting that you should all divorce or remain single for life and go become Chinese. I'm just telling you about my 'blood nationality' and our culture. Also, while we're on the topic of marriage, I am not at all against marriage (I think marriage is wonderful and Western white wedding dresses are super beautiful on brides), in my humble opinion, I don't really understand the point of marriage? To me, Love is about remaining loyal both physically and emotionally to another human of our own choosing (in my opinion, regardless of gender). Personally, I don't see the need to have my 'love' with another human solidified by the legal system under a notion called 'marriage.' I believe if we truly 'love' another person, We should be able to trust them to remain loyal (both emotionally and physically) to us without protection under the legal system And live together happily ever after (Yes I'm a big dreamer and lover of Disney and I believe in happily ever after fairytale endings with my Prince HEEEHEHEE) And, while we're on the topic of Princes and Princesses and fairytale endings, (I know we all love a good romance on such a dark, romantic night here in Australia and most stories told through mediums such as books and movies tend to have at least a touch of love in them And some have a bigger focus than others *Cough* *Cough* Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet) One of my favourite TV shows (back in the day I still used to watch TV) was the Bachelor/Bachelorette <3 But now I prefer to live in my own reality TV show instead of watching another's on an electronic screen To my Prince out there, (yes you know who you are) Who wishes not to be named (and shamed - hahah just kidding - Well, hopefully you don't find what I'm about to say to be too embarrassing) The way I fundamentally feel towards you has not changed one bit And I'm not talking about hate here (jokes! I lied! I actually feel even stronger towards you now <3) And gosh, No other human on Earth has ever made me cry as many times as you have. No one can compete with how many rivers on Earth I've filled with my salty tears. (everyone else reading this, please don't try to break the Guinness World Record here - I reckon I've had my fair share of tears and breakdowns) And I meant it when I said nobody has ever made me feel this way. (or something like I've never felt this way towards somebody - or the other way around - well I guess that's not important) (and well I guess it does make sense that everybody feels differently towards each person because they're different people) -that paragraph was very coherent - I know I've already told you this directly but repetition surely doesn't hurt! Thank you for always considering what is best for me in everything you've done. (Well I hope that's what you've been doing - only you know what's going inside that interesting head of yours) Thank you for teaching me the importance of honest and open communication. I would never forget that night when you asked me out in the most romantic location one could possibly think of. (Solid memz) (And great place IF we have any future anniversaries) Thank you for all the 'fun' experiences we've shared together (Yes you know which one I'm referring to in particular ;)) I hope we have many more nights just like that (well maybe just a bit more) You're a Tim Tam Because You're Simply Irresistible And you know which Guinness World Record of mine (or personal best) I would like to break ;) (please don't go finding another planet to live on to get away from me) And I love how we always go 'hunting' for the same places when we're out and about in public ;))))) I also would like to say that I miss you. A lot. <3 (AWWWWW) And I've been thinking about you A lot. (AWWWW) And Just like how I've previously never envisioned a life without a uni degree till this Monday, I've never been able to envision a life without you in it (and I probably won't be able to - but nothing is certain besides death - so I could be wrong I guess) I was never quite a full believer in soul mates Until I met you There was always a 'mystical' feeling I felt around you. I never understood what it was Until now I thought it was just 'lust' Or you were just secretly a 'fuckboi' (whatever that means) But I realised it was much more than that. OK, that's the last (massive) chunk of cheese I'm feeding you guys (for tonight). And I'm sure the rest of you have eaten enough cheese for the day. And I don't want to make you puke tonight. Because that's not my job -That's the job of your significant other <3 I don't know what you were expecting when I messaged you yesterday asking for your permission to have your first name in my 'story.' Well, since you said no, I assume you probably weren't expecting this. (man I had some great jokes I wanted to crack with your first name - GRRRRR) But again, as I have already told you, In this life, If we would like to have a nice and healthy relationship, We must accept the fact that we have the right to both reject and be rejected by others. And others hurt us but we also hurt others. That's just part of life. So, I respect your decision. I had to get that off my chest. Because now, When I'm on my deathbed, I don't have to be wondering what could've been had I chosen to tell you. Instead, When I'm on my deathbed, I can spend my last hours reflecting on what a wonderful life it's been Surrounded by my family and closest friends. Now, I've done everything I possibly could within my control. Now, it's all on you now. And please respect how it's a private matter between us two from now on. Your own love lives are much more interesting than mine. Trust me. Why would you want to see how someone else's story ends (or starts) when you can be writing your own 'story?' So go out there and tell that person you've been wanting to tell how you feel how you've felt all along! Be a girl! Growing up, it was always drilled into me that guys should be the ones chasing girls and girls should not chase guys. And that girls should play 'hard to get' Wouldn't life be so much simpler if you start feeling like you like someone, To say something along the lines of: "Hey. I like you. Do you feel the same way?" Then it can either only go one or two ways (Well we all hope it goes one particular way) And then you can move on happily with life and find someone else who also feels the same way and live happily ever after (well unless you're super unlucky and get a fence sitter And apologies, if that's the case, I don't have any further advice for you - you're on your own then xD) I used to think that expressing my emotions was a sign of weakness. I was 'wrong' (whatever it means to be 'wrong' or 'right') But I've realised it actually takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you feel hurt by something they've done. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you love them. But, in my opinion, by telling others how we feel, It actually liberates us. It allows us to make amends Instead of letting resentment build And then exploding later Like our own internal Big Bang Because in my Theory (I guess you can call it the Big Bang Theory), believe me, in my experience, I have exploded many times (not literally) By letting my resentment build (under the influence [heavy] of alcohol) If you don't believe me, Believe Bronnie Ware!! For those of you who don't know Bronnie, She worked as a palliative nurse for 8 years looking after people in their final days alive. And she writes in her book "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying," That one of the top 5 regrets she heard from people with limited time on Earth was that they wished they had the courage to express their own emotions. I used to put on a face and act like something that really hurt me didn't affect me at all. I don't understand why I aspired to be a 'psychopath.' Because a key characteristic of a 'psychopath' is that they feel no emotions. Our ability to feel emotions, whether that be: Happiness Disappointment Joy Anger Resentment Love Is what makes us human. Why do we attempt to 'dehumanise' ourselves? So back to marriage…. Again, I am not against marriage. Well, even if I am, why should you care? It's your life and you choose and how you would like to live it. And believe me, in my humble opinion, life is too short for you to spend a couple of minutes writing a nasty comment trying to convince me of the importance of marriage. (Well if you decide to do so, I'm absolutely honoured! because it means I'm super important to you because you care a lot about what I think) But for me personally, I would just like to wear a nice white pretty long wedding dress for fun and take some photos around my closest family and friends Anyways, got a little side tracked again. Back to the topic: I know that many of us struggle or have struggled to find meaning in life. I'm one of them. And I'll be sharing my story with you. I know if I don't wake up tomorrow, I can Rest In Peace. Apologies, if I have generalised or made false assumptions in parts of my 'story' by using words like "We." I know that there is no other certainty besides death. But sometimes, it is 'easier' to do so to illustrate a point I'm trying to make. I hope you understand. If you don't like what I have to say, you can either (Mark Manson): 1. Do nothing OR 2. Do something I value all opinions and perspectives. I only ask that you do so in a courteous and respectful manner. Growing up, my dad was always the logical one and less of a 'dreamer' than I was. I tried having D&M (Deep and Meaningful conversations) with my Dad but they never turned out the way I hoped. 'Dad, what do you think the meaning of life is?' 'There's no meaning. You live. You die. That's it.' Wow! So optimistic Dad!! I love you Dad! Growing up, you also 'tried' (and I use the word 'tried' because you weren't that successful in doing so) to drill into me that it was a waste of time and energy to 'care too much' about the world Because you said there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to accept life the way it is. Well, back to Mark Manson's two options, You can probably guess which path I decided to take (and it wasn't to accept it I Refuse to accept the world as it is) To all my fellow peers out there, If I have offended you, please let me know. I am not perfect. I don't try to be perfect. And I don't need to be perfect. And as much effort as I've put it and how hard I've tried to minimise resentment and offense, (Just like how I'm trying to be at the minimum point on the parabola And at the maximum point on the parabola with my impact) I'm only human. And so are you. And to further illustrate my point that nothing in this world is 'perfect' (apologies if this sounds like an essay), My 'story' is not fully edited. I've ran through it once - made some changes and this is what you're reading now. There are errors. There are bits repeated. There are bits that make no sense whatsoever. This is to further highlight my belief that nothing in the world is 'perfect' (or the real reason could just be that I'm lazy and cbbs editing it) LOL DISCLAIMER: I do not accept any legal responsibility for any tears shed Or any laughs shared Or any puke vomited from cheese overload in the process of reading my 'story.' (Oh and in case you haven't realised already It's also R rated And if you don't know what that means Adults only!! - just kidding, anyone can read my 'story') I reckon that our mental state would be a better measure of our 'real age' Because our age is just a 1, 2 (or 3) (or 4) (or more) digit number which doesn't indicate anything about our 'maturity' level (whatever that means) nor our 'wisdom' (whatever that means) You are reading at your own risk. Remember It's YOUR own life. And YOU choose how to live it. (Please show appreciation for the fact that I've been nice and have made this disclaimer at a font size that you can actually see) [Tip: Get a box of tissues ready (don’t worry if you don’t know what tissues are - they just help absorb our tears) You can live without them! Actually we can live without a lot of things If my house was on fire, i know what i would choose to take - nothing at all - nothing but myself and my family - I slept in a room with nothing [not literally] but a mattress laid on top of the carpet on the floor with a blanket, pillow, oxygen, walls, life and I was clothed too] And in case you were wondering, I didn't choose to do that for fun. My house was under renovations for a couple of weeks (we repainted the entire house and changed the entire carpet) And during those two weeks, I felt like I was 'homeless' I can't imagine what it's like to actually be sleeping out in the open on the streets Or being a refugee I felt like I was being kicked out of my own dwelling and I didn't belong - I felt lost and very uncomfortable OK, so here's my 'story'. https://leeannchn.wixsite.com/dietolive/single-post/2018/05/13/Lets-Not-Live-To-Die-but-Die-To-Live