#i feel bad for my parents bc i’m barely home ever now but like……. c’mon lol i haven’t told them abt having the house to ourselves yet bc i

[domesticateddog]

his dad’s leaving town for almost a week meaning we’ll have the entire house to ourselves the whole time >:)

[giddyupponyboy]

“In The Dark.” - Johnny Cade Imagine. 

@bc-melody​ asked:  This might be kind of a strange/specific ask but can I please request an imagine where Johnny finds and comforts the reader after she’s been jumped? I live for sad and cute Johnny moments. Thanks so much 😘

Warnings: almost rape, swearing. 

a/n: I hope you like it! It doesn’t get too dark in my opinion, but if anyone is triggered by anything rape related, it’s best not to read, just want y’all to be safe!

Alright leggo 

Walking alone at dusk probably wasn’t the smartest decision, but she did it anyways. She had to go from her friend’s house to Johnny’s. This was a special occasion; they usually didn’t spend time at his house but his parents wouldn’t be home until after the weekend. Something about visiting his grandparents a state over. Whatever the reasoning was, she was ecstatic about spending time with him.

Johnny told her to call him once she was done at her friend’s house, but he lived on the other side of town and didn’t have a car. She knew Johnny could hold his own, but she remembered the time he was alone and he got jumped. How the soc beat him so bad that it left a large gash down the side of his face. He’d been jumpy ever since the incident, not wanting to be outside too late unless he was with people he knew. And he’d never go anywhere without his switchblade, if he didn’t feel it in his pockets, he’d frantically pat himself down until he found it.

She felt guilty, she didn’t want him to go out of his way to go get her. So, she decided to walk there herself. She figured Soc boys wouldn’t jump her. She was just a girl, she wasn’t part of the feud between the soc’s and greasers anyways.

She left her friends house right at sunset, but the remaining daylight quickly retreated, the darkness filling the sky. She was a little paranoid, but she kept her head down and walked fast, not looking anywhere aside from the side walk. The odd car drove by her, but so far it was a pretty quiet walk.

She had made her way into rougher neighborhood, getting close to Johnny’s house. She sighed with relief knowing that she was almost there. She quickened he pace as she made her way down the familiar streets. Just a couple more turns and she’d be at his house, safe and in his arms.

A car approached her. Nothing out of the ordinary, it’d been happening all night. But something was…off. This car started driving slowly behind her. Too slow to pass her. She kept her head forward and quickened her pace slightly, hoping that they’d eventually drive off.

“Hey, doll.” A voice called out. She didn’t look back. She pressed forward as her heart began to pound in her chest. “C’mon, turn around. We ain’t gonna hurt ya.”

She quickly reached into her bag, grabbing a set of her keys and putting one between each of her fingers. She gripped it tightly, and broke out into a run. “Hey!” the voice called. She heard the door slam behind her as she ran further down the street. But she just wasn’t fast enough. The boy quickly caught up to her and swiftly grabbed her, holding her in a loose chokehold. The action caused her to drop the keys. “Where you runnin’ off to?” he asked as the car pulled up. It was full of soc’s.

“Please let me go. I was just mindin my own business.” She said in a shaky voice. Her fingers gripped the boys arm tightly. “Please.” She asked again, tears brimming her eyes.

“What’s the deal with her?” The driver asked through the window. One of the boys climbed out of the backseat and walked up to them, standing in front of her.

“She’s pretty. You taking this one, Michael?” He asked his friend, grabbing her chin and taking a good look at her. She forcefully pulled her face away as tears ran down her face. “Hey missy, don’t get too feisty now.”

She swiftly kicked him in his bits, causing him to crumple to the ground, writhing in pain. For a moment she felt a great deal of satisfaction as she watched him curled up on the sidewalk. But that was quickly replaced with a wave of fear again as she felt the arm tighten around her neck and drag her away.

“Park the car!” the boy dragging her yelled to his accomplice. He dragged her down the street as she flailed about in his arms, trying to dislodge herself from his tight grip. But it was no use, he was simply too strong for her. “Just wait there for me!” he called again, struggling to keep her under control. 

She watched as the car pulled over and parked. The driver climbed out the window and rested his arms on the roof of the car. “You actually gonna do it this time? Or you gonna chicken out like you always do?” He laughed. The boy she kicked waddled over to the stationary car, hands covering his manhood which was still very much in pain. 

“It’s happening tonight.” The boy called back, continuing with her down the street.

He dragged her to an abandoned shed not to far from where she had been jumped. She had walked by it on her way over there. He pushed her inside and she fell to the ground, scraping the palms of her hands and her knees. She heard the door close softly behind them. Her stomach dropped as she realized what was about to happen. She turned around and was met with a switchblade to her throat. “You pull anything funny and I’ll carve you up so you won’t be so pretty no more.” He said lowly.  He stood up before her, his tall figure seeming even taller to her as she sat helpless on the cold ground below. Moonlight seeped in through the cracks in the ceiling, illuminating his figure, his switchblade shining in the darkness.

“Take it off.” He said, no emotion in his tone. A lump formed in her throat as she sat there, looking up at him. She couldn’t believe this was happening. A numbness took over her body, she couldn’t move.

“I said take it off!” he said again, more forceful this time. “Your skirt. Now.” He was hungry like a wolf that hadn’t eaten in months, rabid and hungry for the next morsel of food it could sink its teeth into.

Tears flowed down her face as she slowly pulled her skirt down, not bothering to take it off completely. It remained wrapped around her ankles. She wiped her eyes as the tears continued to flow.

“Now your shirt.” He said. She obeyed, slowly slipping her shirt off and tossing it to the side. She felt helpless. If she had only left a little earlier, given herself enough time before the sun had set, then she wouldn’t be in this mess. She’d be with Johnny, cuddled up with him in his bed, not having any care in the world.

The ground was cold beneath her bare legs, but she blocked it out. She was there, nearly naked in a shed with a strange boy who was about to do the unspeakable. But her mind was with Johnny in his warm bed. Wrapped in his arms and having sweet dreams. And it was nice.

She was pulled from her thoughts when the boy got close to her again, his fingers looped under the hem of her underwear. He gazed at her but she refused to look anywhere near him. He waited for a moment, his breathing deep and rhythmic, as if he was trying to steady himself.

“Fuck.” He whispered quietly. He removed his fingers from her underwear, but suddenly pulled out his switchblade again and held it to her throat. “Do not come out after me, you wait until you hear us drive away, okay?” He asked. “Or there’s gonna be hell to pay.” He said, pressing the blade slightly deeper into her neck.

She nodded.

And with that, the boy was gone, the shed door closing behind him.

“I did it guys!” she could hear him say triumphantly. There was cheering that followed. She heard a car door slam and tires screech off. She waited until she couldn’t hear the engine anymore, but when she tried to move, she simply couldn’t. She was frozen, unable to comprehend what had just happened. She was grateful, as it could have gone a lot worse, but the incident traumatized her.

She sat there, half naked on the cold ground, sobbing quietly.

A short time later, she heard the door creak open. “Hello?” A familiar voice asked.

“Johnny!” she cried, sitting up. The light from the moon spilled into the shed from the cracks and Johnny saw her state. She was curled up on the ground, her torso and legs bare, and her knees dark from the scrapes. 

He rushed beside her. “(y/n), oh god (y/n). What happened to you?” he asked. He pulled her skirt up and reached over to grab her shirt. “Thank god I came lookin’. I thought you got lost.”

“I-I got jumped.” She choked out between sobs. “I-I’m sorry, Johnny.” She gripped tightly on to his shirt like it was the last thing she’d ever touch.

“Hey, hey.” He said, trying to ease her. “Don’t apologize. Lets get you dressed before anythin’, It’s kinda cold out here.” He helped her put her shirt back on. “Those assholes are gonna pay the price. What did they do to you?” He asked.

“He grabbed me in a choke hold.” She explained. “Then, he brought me in here.” She cried harder.

“Did he touch you?” Johnny asked frantically, trying to hold back his anger. Not at her, of course, but towards those low lives that found joy in terrorizing her.

She shook her head slowly as the tears flowed down. “No. He just threatened me, then left.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I told you to call me, (y/n).” 

“I didn’t want you to worry, and I know how you feel about walking by yourself. I didn’t wanna put you through that.”

“Next time, don’t you dare go walking around anywhere at night without me with you. You don’t know what kinds of people you’re gonna run into.” He slowly lifted her up and put his jacket around her shoulders. “I’m gonna call Dal and we’re gonna find the son of a bitch that did this to you. There’s gonna be hell to pay.” Johnny said with fire in his eyes. They walked back to his house together and Johnny held her tight, not wanting to let go. She remembered to pick up her keys she’d dropped earlier.

They were only five minutes away from his house. Five more minutes until she would have been safe with him. If only she had left earlier. He led her inside. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He said.

Johnny helped her to the bathroom and lifted her up on the counter. He searched the cabinets for some band aids and carefully covered her knees. 

“There,” he said. “All better.” 

She gave him a sad smile. Her eyes were swollen from crying and his heart hurt for her. He pulled her into a hug, standing between her legs as she sat on the counter, his head resting comfortably on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered, trying not to cry. He felt like a bad boyfriend. He was supposed to protect her, and he failed. He let her get hurt and he felt helpless, there was no way to reverse the trauma she experienced.

“It’s okay, Johnny. It’s not your fault.” She assured him. “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have been alone.”

“Don’t blame yourself (y/n). Please.” He lifted her off the counter. “I love you, and I promise for as long as I live, I ain’t ever gonna let anyone hurt you like that again.” He kissed her on the forehead.

“I love you too Johnny.” She said. 

“Tonight, we’re gonna relax, just you and me. Then tomorrow, you’re gonna tell me what that fella looked like, and what kinda car we drove. Then me and the boys will handle it from there. That guy’s gonna wish he never set a finger on you when we’re done with him.” He cupped her face and pressed his lips firmly to hers. Her heart ignited with happiness. She kissed him back with urgency. 

“You’re too good to me.” She said, pulling away slightly. Their faces were still inches from each other. He gazed into her eyes as he spoke

“I think I ain’t as good as you deserve. I’m gonna do better though. Starting with fucking up the guy that fucked with you.” He said kissing her again. “No one does that to my girl and gets away with it.” 

[stevesnailbat]

hi! if you’ve got time could you please write something where the reader has had a huge crush on steve since high school, and at some point after graduation he asks her out but she thinks he’s WAY out of her league. like, she kinda thinks it’s a joke or something bc steve is steve and she doesn’t think she’s pretty enough for him?

warnings: underage drinking

word count: 1.5K

Steve Harrington was the man of many girl’s dreams in high school, especially Y/N’s. She had been head over heels in love with him since freshman year, before his rise and fall from popularity. She knew that he’d barely paid any mind to her, but she couldn’t help it. She was a nobody and he was somebody with everything that she could ever want. She’d always believe she was way out of her league, she’d never get someone like him to like her.

By the time senior year rolled around and Steve had been knocked off his high horse, he had realized how much of an ass he had been to everyone. He became much more self-aware of the way he treated people and stopped hanging around shitty people like Tommy H and Carol. Of course, he knew that wasn’t enough for people he’d done wrong to forgive him, but he was trying his best. Y/N honestly thought he had never noticed her roaming the halls in all four years that they had gone there, but he definitely had. She caught his eye right before Nancy came around, but he never mustered up the courage to talk to her.

Truthfully, Steve was a nervous wreck underneath his smooth jokes and pickup lines. If a relationship didn’t fall into his lap almost, he’d get too scared to even try. Y/N seemed like one of those girls. She kept to herself at school and was so damn smart and witty, Steve was honestly afraid that she’d laugh in his face if he even talked to her.

After being almost killed two years in a row, something finally snapped in Steve. He finally realized that he couldn’t live his life worrying about what everyone else thought about him, he needed to say fuck it all to everything from high school. He counted down the days from New Years to graduation, and it seemed like there was an eternity between the two. All he wanted was to never have to walk the halls of Hawkins High ever again, and it couldn’t come soon enough.

During that eternity between New Years and graduation, he had started to notice Y/N again. She’d honestly gotten even more beautiful in the past year and a half, he didn’t think that was even possible. They shared a few classes together, but she never seemed to pay him any mind. Truthfully, she tried her best to ignore him to avoid thinking about her giant and ever-growing crush on him.

Graduation inched closer and Steve tried to get closer to her, but tried not to make it obvious. He’d ask her stupid questions in their biology class or ask for a pencil so he’d have to return it, but that was the extent of their conversations. Steve started to grow sentimental around May, the guilt in his gut about what he’d do after high school was more prevalent than ever but he wanted to get the hell out of the school.

He decided he’d have one last hurrah with his class and throw a party, since his parents were jetting off to Colorado for the weekend after their graduation without him. Steve knew that every single kid in his graduating class wouldn’t come, but he was really only hoping that one certain girl would show. Y/N had heard about the party through her best friend, Jamie, but wasn’t sure about going.

“C’mon, Y/N! It’s one last high school party with all the people you don’t like, then you can forget about them forever when you go to West Lafayette.” Jamie begged as Y/N shook her head in disagreement.

“I don’t wanna see any of those people ever again after graduation day, though.” she groaned, narrowing her eyes at her best friend.

“You’re not the only person from Hawkins going to Purdue, Y/N. It’s not like you’ll never see anyone ever again. What’s one more party?” Jamie protested, rolling her eyes at Y/N’s distaste. “Besides, maybe you can find a summer love or something!”

“I don’t think that’s gonna happen.” she laughed, smiling over at her friend who was grinning from ear-to-ear. “But, I guess I’ll go as long as you stop talking about me finding a summer fling.”

Graduation came and went quicker than expected after that, and they were finally free. It seemed like they only blinked and then they were on their way to Steve Harrington’s extravagant house for one last high school party. When they pulled up to the house at 9 that night, it was already alive with music and they could almost taste the booze as they walked inside. As soon as they got in, Jamie shoved a red solo cup that was filled with some concoction of wine, soda and some cheap strawberry vodka into her hand.

“You’re gonna drink and have fun tonight, like you promised. We can walk home if we need to, or maybe you’ll go home with someone else?” Jamie teased as she saw the look on her friend’s face when taking a sip from the cup.

“If anyone goes home with someone else, it’ll be you.” she said and Jamie giggled profusely, knowing that she was probably right.

It wasn’t even an hour after they got to the party when Y/N lost her best friend in the sea of teens in the living room. She felt crowded and overwhelmed as she stood in there, so she decided to go outside. There was still plenty of kids out by the pool, but there were less than the crowd inside. Steve saw her out of the corner of his eye while talking to some other basketball players when she walked outside, and his attention snapped in her direction. She was alone when she plopped down onto one of the pool chairs, chugging the rest of her drink down before letting out a long-winded sigh.

The last thing she expected in the moment of loneliness was for Steve to make his way up to her with a nervous smile on his face, but he was. She blinked as if to clear her vision when he sat down on the pool chair next to her, sipping his beer casually while doing so.

“What’re you doing out here all alone?” he asked, the alcohol running through his veins giving him a little more courage than he would’ve if he was talking to her sober.

“Lost my friend inside and it was too crowded.” she said with a shrug, trying to stop herself from freaking out about the situation.

“Well that’s shitty.” he mumbled, maneuvering in the chair to face her abruptly.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s having a lot more fun than me.” she sighed, rolling her eyes at the thought of Jamie making her come tonight.

“Why’s that?” Steve questioned, genuinely concerned that she was already annoyed. “The night’s just starting! Let’s go have fun! Do you like dancing?”

“I guess—“ she started, but couldn’t get her sentence out before had grabbed for her hand and was pulling her back inside.

She danced with him after much protest, but ended up having more fun than she thought she would. The alcohol she had chugged was warm in her stomach and was making her giggly and letting her enjoy herself for once. Upbeat synth music filled the living room for a while and neither of them had a care in the world about anyone else around them. In the back of her mind, she was terrified that he was only doing this because he felt bad for her. She caught him staring at her every once in a while, but only decided to say something after the fifth time.

“What?” she questioned, raising her eyebrows at him as he continued his drunken gaze.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N Y/L/N.” he admitted, making a blush spread across her cheeks as he inched closer.

“Wait, you actually know my full name?” she asked, taken aback my him actually knowing about her.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he asked.

“Because—You’re the Steve Harrington, I’m kind of an ugly nobody.” she confessed, feeling embarrassed immediately after admitting it.

“A nobody? No way, Y/N.” he protested, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re anything but a nobody. And you’re beautiful! Honestly? I’ve wanted to ask you out for weeks now, but I was afraid you’d laugh in my face.”

“Are you kidding? Like, are you actually pranking me?” she asked, this time she was the one shaking her head in disbelief as he watched her with wide eyes. “You’re saying that you want me?”

“I’m not joking, I’m being completely serious!” Steve exclaimed, but she still didn’t believe him.

Steve’s mind race for a second, but he finally thought of a way to show her he was serious. His hand cupped her cheek gently as he leaned down, lips mere centimeters from hers as he looked into her eyes. He took a breath before pressing his lips against hers, savoring the sweet moment he’d waited so long for.

“Do you believe me now?” he questioned after pulling away, feeling his heartbeat in his ears as he saw her crack a smile at him.

“I guess so, but convince me again.” she giggled, pulling him back for one more kiss.

Maybe she’d actually get more than a silly fling this summer.

tags: @sourapplebaby @harringtown @charmed-asylum @a-magey @queenofthehairharrington @lemonypink @igotmadskills @daddystevee @jxnehxpper @heart-eye-harrington

[evolsinner]

⊱┊24

days go by, another one comes across. however, today is that day, and by ��that day’ i mean, can we all please have a drumroll, it’s fucking parent~teacher interviews! aka an interrogation under the guise of pleasantries. i thought if i didn’t think about it, it’d just fucking disappear, but hey no, it’s still here.

but that’s okay, you see my parents don’t know a thing about it. i shredded all the notices they’ve sent us and made sure to cut the line every time my sneaky ass school called home. so when it came to my last class for the day, which is english lit obviously, i was quite happy that i didn’t have to stay behind like some students.

the class is empty, it’s almost 4 sharp.

“it’s only interviews,” i try to ease mr killian’s nerves. “just tell them what they wanna hear ~ easy peasy.”

“i wish, but it doesn’t work like that, luv. you know,” he looks up from his paper and removes his reading glasses to rub his weary eyes, “believe it or not, but we hate this day just as much as you kids do.”

“really?” i’m shooked. “thought you teachers just loved taking your sweet as revenge on students on this devilish day. it’s practically reverse halloween where the educators aren’t in costume for the first time, huh.”

mr killian places his pen behind his ear, entertained. “‘reverse halloween’, aye?” he leans back on his chair, arms folded and an ankle~on~knee. “you’re too funny.”

“‘funny’?” i walk over to him, admiring the tantalising dark circles underneath his scintillating eyes. “yeah? and what else?”

he possessively pulls me in between his legs, squeezing my booty in fistfuls. “and sexy and fierce and delicious.”

“do you want a bj?”

“oh, and very fucking naughty too!”

“what you gonna do about it?”

“gee, you’re tempting me.”

“mhm,” i bite my lip.

“you are in serious need of punishment, little girl,” he flicks an eyebrow up. “slide down your panties and lean over my desk.”

my eyes open wide, “no.”

“pardon?”

“i mean, there’s no space on y~y~your desk,” i glance at it. “there’s those booklets, essays, midterms, finals, your laptop...”

“i’ll make space.”

“uh, umm,” i step back.

“nuh~uh,” he pulls me in again so that i’m standing with my thighs directly opposite his thingy. “slide ‘em down right in front of me.”

“that’s too close,” i squeak, going red.

“what difference does it make? you a step back or not, i’ll still see it. c’mon,” he feathers a finger down my bare thigh, “you can’t still be shy? i’ve seen every part of you, every inch of you. the hills, the slopes, the blemishes... want me to go on?”

ok, imma prove him wrong. i undo the button and zipper on my shorts, exposing the bright red lacy panties i got just for him.

“you were hiding those from me?” he points to them, sounding offended.

slowly, i rub my hand over the skimpy fabric, sticking a finger behind the elastic.

“such a tease,” sir leans back. “congratulations, darling, you’ve earned yourself 5 more spanks.”

the thought of him spanking me…

“want me to go easy on you?” he asks, and i see rare mercy dancing around in his eyes.

i nod, prolly a goner if i were dumb enough to take my chances with this guy.

“then touch yourself, sweetheart,” the mercy evaporates from his eyes completely. he just went from a saint to a sinner in a millisecond. “mhm,” he nods to my hesitant expression, “slide your hand through your panties and touch yourself for me. if you don’t moan my name whilst finger~fucking your cunt, i’ll give you the belt.”

heck no, i don’t want to get spanked with a belt! that’ll hurt so much more!! i’ve seen it on 50sog!

“y~you w~want me to m~masturbate for you?”

“did i stutter?”

no, but i did.

shocked at how strangely turned on i’m feeling, i slide my fingertips under the double thin lines of the red covered elastic bands. tell me, why did i wear this again? i inch my fingers down further, my breath hitching up and pelvic muscles contracting.

sir slides his hand into his pants and gently strokes his cock, scarring me with imaginary ciggy burns from the way he’s staring at me doing me. “hurry it up, little one, time is of the essence.”

3 knocks on the door and it swings open with a, “hello?”

mr killian speedily sits up.

and i step back right away, pulling my hand out and tugging my shirt over the open zipper. “mum?”

“roséah,” she squints, “what on earth... dear lord, you have a lot of explaining to do!”

i refuse to blink. i think i’m having something like a heart attack. “w~what do you mean?”

“well, for starters,” she struts up to me, “you didn’t tell me that today was parent~teacher interview night.”

i exhale deeply, relief has never felt this good.

“mr killian, i presume?” mum says, holding her hand out.

i quickly fix myself up behind her.

“please,” he smiles, shaking her hand, “call me isaac.”

why the fuck would mum come here without informing me about it?!?

“apologies for not booking in a time slot and barging in like this. had i known,” mum gives me an irritated look, “i would have been more prepared.”

“it’s no worries, mrs blackburn,” sir tries to downplay it. “i reckon i can squeeze you in before my first interview. so please,” he motions to the two seats preplaced in front of the desk, “have a seat.”

“christella will do just fine,” and she takes no time in making herself comfortable.

i roll my eyes, so fucking annoyed and anxious at the same time.

“if you don’t mind my saying so,” sir gracefully says, “but now i know where your beautiful daughter gets her beautiful looks from.”

mum titters, tucking invisible strands of hair behind her ear and straightening out her pencil skirt.

tf.

sir glances at me and it’s so provocative in nature that i can’t look away, hence he does it for me. “do we have a common friend that can get both of us acquainted with one another?” he causally asks my mother with a chuckle.

aren’t they supposed to be talking about me?

“i don’t suppose so, isn’t that a shame?” mum smiles.

“‘shame’ would be an understatement, stella…can i call you stella?”

“you can call me whatever you want, isaac.”

“ahem!!” eww. ew. “mum,” i shake my head at her like ‘did you forget you have a husband?’, “you might wanna..”

“oh, yes, of course! silly me. so do tell, isaac? how has my daughter been doing?”

“well, to be candour, i’m rather impressed at how dedicated rosé is on learning.”

“hm, is that so?” she gives me a suspicious glance.

“indeed,” mr killian sends me a secret wink.

“does she slack off? because you’d tell me if she did, right?” mum asks.

“mum,” i grumble, she’s so embarrassing sometimes.

mr killian chuckles, “you’d be the first to know, stella. fortunately, that isn’t the case. rosé has quite the eye for accomplishing her goals.”

i’m getting lost in him again...

“gets all her work done on time, doesn’t send inappropriate text messages in class,” he proceeds professionally, kinda cocky, “nor does she ever has to stay back late.”

all of which i do the opposite of, i give him a guilty grin.

mum looks rather very taken aback, considering how i am at home. “seems like she’s quite the student?”

“you’d be surprised by what goes on in these walls.”

that not so hidden half~smile sir gives me pauses my mum in her tracks with her next question. i look at her sudden stiffness and notice how she’s surveying mr killian intently, her eyes narrowed into slits. oh crap.

“ahem!” i shift in my seat quickly.

sir coughs and swiftly brings in another topic.

mum gradually returns to her usual manner.

that was close.

when they finally say their farewells, i feel relieved as a fucking kite flying high up in a blue cloudless sky. mum did a few more interviews before she finally decided to go home. mr killian had given her false hope and high expectations, so it was funny when my other teachers informed her that my grades were declining from b’s and c’s to d’s and e’s.

oops, my bad.

-ˋˏ ༻🍷༺ ˎˊ-

it’s late, a major thunderstorm has hit and maxi being the scaredy~cat he is has crept into my room for the night. incoming call from isaac. i decline it. so he calls me again. and i decline it again. busy tryna shoot him a text which he keeps interrupting with phone calls.

daddy🔐 is my furry baby avoiding my calls?

tf he just called me??????

me im not avoiding ur calls jus ctrn cuz baby bro is sleeping in my bed thunder isnt his strong suit :/

daddy🔐 why am i jealous?

lol, seriously? i smile, rolling over to the edge of my bed.

daddy🔐 can’t stop thinking about you...

me jus stop its not dat hard

god, i suck at this.

daddy🔐 i really need to be fucking inside you right now!

uh, what the fuck do i text back?!

daddy🔐 would it be inappropriate of me to ask you what you are wearing since you’re with your kid brother?

haha.

me wow, ur quite the gentleman, arent ya ?

daddy🔐 i try my best.

feeling kinky, i silently remove my oversized graphic tee and take two pictures of myself. then i quickly pop my tee back on before curling up on the bed and hitting ‘send’.

daddy🔐 mmmm leopard panties and no bra, sexy. though i do wish you could move your arm out of the way so i could see my two girls?

no, my boobies are too small and i’m shy!

daddy🔐 such unspeakable things i could to your body right about now. would you like to know, baby?

i’m so tempted to text back ‘yes’, but that’d just get me too hot and bothered which is not a good idea when your lil brother is lying right next to you.

me behave (;

daddy🔐 how about we finish off what we started back in the classroom?

me we hv company rmbr ?

daddy🔐 right.

there’s a while with those 3 flashing dots before he texts back.

daddy🔐 considering we have an audience tonight, i’m willing to keep it pg. on the contrary, was nice talking to your mother today.

me were u flirting w her ?

daddy🔐 i don’t know. was i?

me u so were ! nd evry subtextual sentence u uttered !! she cud hv caught on yanno ?!

daddy🔐 that, i couldn’t help. the look on your face was hilarious. hers too.

i almost lol by just picturing my mum’s face, but i suppress it.

me jus bc u made me laugh dnt mean im not still mad !

daddy🔐 allow me to make it up to you?

me go on...

daddy🔐 there’s this soirée i’m holding with my crew for the long weekend. lakehouse, few beers, great view - thank kinda thing. i want you there.

me y do u want me der ? (;

daddy🔐 ‘cause i wanna fuck you hard on my mate’s couch whilst everyone else is out by the lake.

oh?

daddy🔐 and also because i want you to get to know my people more. (:

he used a smiley face! he never uses smiley faces!

me hmm, guess ill hv 2 think bout it

because i have to ask my mum first!!

daddy🔐 hope this helps?

he sends me a photo or two back, like it was a trade or something. but jesus christ, isaac killian! he was definitely not kidding about having me on his mind!

daddy🔐 don’t ponder too much. goodnight, love.

“rosé..?” maxi murmurs behind me, rolling around.

shit. i drop my phone in an instant and cringe for my luck. “yeah?”

“you’re taking all the blanket and i’m cold..”

“oh, right...” i exhale with relief, placing my phone on the bedside table. i turn around, shifting the blanket over him and putting my arms around him. phew.

i rest my eyes for a second when maxi is like, “what was that?”

“hm?” i smile as he snuggles between my arms.

“that big cucumber looking thing on your phone.”

i almost choke on my saliva. “t~t~that was...you’re dreaming, maxi. this is all nothing but a dream...” i add some whooo noise effect to make it more believable.

“no i am not!” he asserts.

“yes you are! now shut up or go back to your own room.”

thunder cracks intensely and he doesn’t say anything further. thank you, sweet jesus.

[coe-lilium]

TroS reaction (1st view)

Necessary premise in bullet points:

- I liked TFA when it came out and still do but as I dug into the franchise/canon (Disney only by choice) my enjoyment of it became more lukewarm. Came out of it dreading a potential Reylo but liking the two charas on their own. 

- went into TLJ worried I’d hate it, came out with it being my favorite saga movie and sold on the Rey-Ren connection, whatever road it would’ve taken. Loved the “Rey’s powerful on her own/bc the Force wants to set Kylo’s wrongs right”. It felt good after two years of being bombarded with “this fucking Mary Sue can have any power only if she’s connected to powerful men of the saga, she has otherwise no right in being powerful” in forums spaces.    

- went into TroS non-spoiled, wary of Palpatine return but relatively hopeful if soured about the “JJ our lord and saviour pleease save us from evil evil Jonhson” (HA!). The rumors about lore from the tv series being featured into the movie had me excited.  

That said, here goes: [SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE, ENDING INCLUDED, RIGHT OFF THE BAT]

I didn’t like it. I really hope to warm up to it more in future views, there’s absolutely stuff I liked or even loved, but as it stands now it was overall a massive disappointment on many sides and -worst of all- threatens to retroactively ruin my enjoyment in other previous stories. 

First, the positives: 

- Parentage notwithstanding, Rey was good. Her rage, her fears, her good heart, her commitment to the fight and the training, her longing for guidance… truly, if the bloodline revelation hadn’t retroactively ruined my investment in the character and themes I’d have fully, 100% loved her even if every single other part of the movie had been the same. 

Except for a brief war flashback to Starkiller game abilities (I lolled) I wasn’t even troubled by all the new abilities or their scope. Movies’ been inventing new powers since the beginning and the Force does what the Force wants. Again, fuck the genetics “twist”, garbage stuff. 

- Kylo, next to… 95% that involved him? TLJ did a great job selling him to me and surprisingly this movie added to that instead of retconning it away. More competent but still stupid and petty from time to time. I’m glad he came back, glad he choose right and glad he was allowed more time on the right side than Anakin. I love redemptions and he was portrayed as wavering the entire trilogy, I don’t even really care that it could’ve done better. I’m happy for him and his family, that’s all. The kiss got a laugh out me but not a malicious one, I was kind of running out of reasonable reactions by then. 

I’m just conflicted on how I feel about his death. Back when TFA was released I wanted him to survive to face what Anakin didn’t: justice (the kid-friendly setting prevented a death sentence anyway), atonement and growth from there, I still wish it happened and maintain that a different pacing would’ve allowed it. On the other hand, I’m also kinda okay with him dying. He righted at least a bit of his many wrongs, he saved a person he cared for, that his parents cared for and that could help the galaxy much more than he ever could and he was at peace. It was a good death.      

- Kylo’s vision/illusion of Han. A surprise but a very pleasant, well acted one. Would’ve I maybe liked Anakin more, as Ben idolized him so much and for all the wrong reasons and because I love that disaster? Yes. Does Han work much better in the economy of the movie and trilogy story and do he and Ben have a much rawer relationship and history? Absolutely. I am a teeny tiny bit baffled as  for why Luke didn’t also show up, but the actual scene was good enough I forgive it.  

- Rey and Kylo bond and connection was one of the saving graces of this mess and I utterly loved it. Both actors worked their asses for for all their scenes and it payed off, oh if it payed off. Their DSII duel was perhaps a tad long but great nonetheless (Republic era Jedi jumps!), the hurt and the sense of absolute loss and grief they both conveyed -and shared!- after Leia’s passing was incredible, Rey regretting the near kill and softly going “I would have stayed, had you renounced the dark side”. She cared, yes, but not to the point of ignoring the horrors (something Anakin never quite understood). The “dyad” stuff was a bit overkill, just call it a force bond, we can see it’s freaking powerful, but the Force Skype and sharing of objects that came with the package, that I loved. Surprise lightsaber, Ren fuckers! :D Bet Anakin and Obi Wan were really jealous, that would’ve come in handy during the war.       

- Finn was now fully invested in the cause, at ease, visibly happy to be with his friends, ready to bond and reach out, quick to plan, to act and to adapt to the situation, brave but cautious and calculating. I wish it was given a bit more focus, but I loved he found other young FO defectors. Also fuck yeah, he’s force sensitive and his ability is used, not just thrown in as a useless wink. Jedi Finn in future material, c’mon!

- Poe’s also grown. He was probably going to have more screen time with Leia had Carrie not died but there was nothing to be done for that. I’m not as happy as for previous 3 charas for the backstory retcon I’ll tackle in the negatives.

- Jannah was cool, the addiction of other FO defectors a welcomed one and the scene were she and Finn excitedly went over their “I broke free” moment was adorable. Good bean, I’d read more about her and her company. 

- A bit lot annoyed at Bloodline being kinda tossed outta the window but getting Leia with lightsaber was nice. Give me some ancillary material to deal with the clash and I’ll fully forgive it. 

- Jedi! MY GIRL AHSOKA MY MAN KANAN! I mean, I sure wish they were in a better movie, but hey, recognition for something more than the OT? No slandering of the Order but all of them collectively kicking Sidious ass once and for all? I’ll gladly take it. Anakin, my dude, I’m sorry your sacrifice was next to nullified but it was good to hear you again ;_;  I didn’t hear Ezra’s voice anywhere so I can still hope he’s alive, well and with the Ascendancy teaching all their Navigators. “I am all the Jedi” remains a terrible line. 

And now, oh boi. Here comes the long list of annoying - bad - stinking shit stuff: 

- If I wanted to watch a 2 and half long videogame cutscenes I’d have done that in the comfort of my home without spending money for tickets. Go to level x to retrieve related macguffin, move to next level to get next macguffin and so on and so on. I liked close to everything in the DS II sequences, but what would’ve that dagger pointed at if the wreckage had fallen even a little bit differently?   

In general, many plot points gave me the feeling they were stolen from the tv series and badly executed, like a mockery (or incompetence?). Case in point: Hux betraying the 1st Order out of personal, spiteful hate? Potentially good! The execution? A poor man’s Rebels Agent Kallus, already over in little more than 5minutes. 

- Palpatine himself is a poorly, ridiculously poorly executed Maul resurrection storyline from tcw and rebels. 

Because Maul was 1. explained and 2. got a good, long arc that made you forgive the undoubtably contrived ass-pull it took to bring him back while Sidious is just… there. You gotta accept it because the writer said so. 

How did he survive? We don’t know and fuck you if you expect an explanation (they really had the absolute galls to have him say the iconic/meme line from Rots and apparently it was supposed to be enough?!) How could he “have all Sith reside inside me” when canon’s clear that Sith do-not-get-to-retain-their-individuality-in-the-Force, do not work well together (lmao) and he as an individual never gave a shit about the Sith except when they could serve his own personal desires? His entire approach to the rule of two and other Sith stuff is “fuck that noise, everything in the galaxy exist to serve me”. He’s fine dying as long as “the Sith rule”? Who IS this character, because he’s not Darth Sidious (as presented in Disney’s own canon, mind). Oh, you wanted explanations? FUCK YOU, screams the movie. 

The mess gets somehow salvaged in the end as he comes to his senses and siphon the life out of Rey and Ben to de-rotten/revive himself to rule in person, now *that* was in character. Was he actually lying his ass off the entire time waiting for the moment he could siphon them? Hopefully but who the hell even knows.

In the end it just wasn’t worth bring him back. A holocron, a different Sith, even a hive-mind of old records/tainted wraiths of Sith (perhaps wearing Palps face to buy the old empire aficionados loyalty, idk) would’ve been better than “actually, Anakin suffered nearly his entire life and sacrificed himself for barely more than 25 years of peace and it still wasn’t enough to rid the galaxy of the monster who destroyed his and countless other lives”. But Johnson was the one shitting on beloved characters legacy and accomplishments, uh? Surely at least he’s got company. 

Ian was clearly having a blast, so there was… that? And the initial sequence being legit creepy and the Sith storm or whatever the fuck was that. That can stay, it was cool.     

- Poe, the latino character, got retconned from former Republic pilot (a backstory established before TFA came out and faithfully respected ever since) into a smuggler and gang member. Classy. What does Lucaslfilm have a story group for if not for stopping stuff like this from happening? Bonus Zorii being used for a “no homo! homo? no homo?” wink wink and for generally being a poor man Solo’s Qi’ra.   

- The movie makes you worry for a character death three (3) times in a row only to immediately backpedal on it. The survivors are grieving, the scene is sober… and then suddenly! they’re alive! isn’t it wonderful? let’s insert a comical scene now that we’re at it! Sigh.   

- The whole Threepio stuff was a contrived waste of time in a movie already full of more relevant plot treads that could’ve put that screen time to better use. 

- Rey’s parents apparently aren’t assholes anymore bc they sold her into slavery to protect her from Sidious, which is… supposed to make it alright, a sacrifice in the name of love? If they had been shown trying to give her to a trusted person and then she was kidnapped that wouldn’t had been their fault, just unfortunate, but the movie shows them leaving their 5yo daughter with her in-all-but-name slaver so?? 

- Rey Palpatine… Rey. Palpatine. Gesù Cristo benedetto che minchia mi è toccato di vedere. That hurt. That was so hilariously over the top bad I just…I started laughing. On top of the entire thing, thank you so, soo much for validating all those fucking assholes who demanded Rey be connected to a powerful man in the saga to accept her powers and value, you hack. Jedi were never about power of blood and then you went and reinforced the very opposite. She ain’t powerful bc the Force recognized her as worthy to stop evil and chose to aid her anymore, she’s powerful bc grandfather was. Lovely stuff. Hilariously, now she has a lot more legit “Mary Sue” traits than before. 

- Rose’s sidelining was a blatant bow to her and her actress haters whims. If in VIII she jumped at the chance of action, now she was fearful and “had to stay behind” studying maps. Fuck that noise. 

- Even if she rejected it, underline is that the Skywalker line is wiped out and the Palpatine one thrives. I… just… wtf wtf wtf. A final “Just Rey” would’ve been more powerful -because now it would’ve been reclaimed- and less corny and in poor taste than a Palpatine taking on the Skywalker name. I’m not sure if Sidious is more offended or if he’s laughing his ass off in space!hell. Probably the 2nd. Bad.      

- The final scene on Tatooine. It rang so empty because the planet brings warm memories only to the audience, not the characters. In-universe, that place brought nothing but misery to the Skywalkers: Anakin and Shmi were brought there as slaves and lived as such for years, Shmi was tortured to death and Anakin began his descent into the dark for crying out loud. Luke had to hide and saw his relatives murdered. Leia had no connection whatsoever to the place. The mera idea of burying Anakin Skywalker lightsaber into the sands of Tatooine and considering it a way of paying respect is… I don’t know, hilariously in bad taste? Rey, dear, what did you have personally against the guy? Put those sabers to rest on Naboo! Ah, but we can’t truly acknowledge the PT now, can we? Wack.   

- It’s not TroS complete fault, that “honor” mostly sit at TFA’s feet but for all its omages, copies and almost slavish references, from a in-universe point of view it’s like the OT barely occurred. 

The same evil man has been defeated (until next time?), the Republic must be rebuilt from scratch, a evil military is all over the place and must be dealt with, the Jedi Order has to be rebuilt… it’s depressing. A new evil taking advantage of the empire leftovers would’ve been one thing, but Sidious? He’s been effectively winning nonstop ever since he was elected Chancellor. He had all the power, all the influence, all the control and he maintained it all even as a rotten corpse in exile, the entire galaxy marching on his tune, controlled by his strings. And as the cherry on top of the cake he even managed to wipe out the family that could’ve, should have been his undoing! He effectively destroyed the Skywalkers. He outlived every Jedi, every survivor, every clone. I hate this. It’s sickening. I can’t even be happy Rex was on Endor anymore.      

In general, the best word I can find for this movie is: coward. 

So blatantly desperate to please, to be “forgiven”, to reference every single irrelevant thing -except the PT and the TV series in a intelligent way-, to throw fanservice after fanservice after fanservice no matter how nonsensical from all over that crossed the “corny” to wander into embarrassing territory many times over (Maz giving Chewie a medal outta nowhere? Come the fuck on now). 

The cartoon series had twenty time the guts of this movie and I vehemently wish for Filoni to take the helm of the entire creative team in a very near future.                  

[must-be-brooklyn]

1, 8, 9 for Javid?

Idk if you wanted this to be angsty?! Bc, that’s a pretty angsty set you put together!! But, it’s got a fluffy ending anyway bc I can’t commit to pure angst ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1. “Do you want me to leave?”; 8. “Were you ever going to tell me?”; 9. “Don’t ask me that.”

Ship: Javid

Words: 1.3k

Era: Modern au

Warnings: Some language, pretty bad parental relationships implied, and an anxiety-driven down period. Message me if you want more information xx

David curled his legs tightly to his chest and sighed deeply, resting his chin on his knees. His stomach was flipping inside out and back again making him feel like the only thing stopping him from vomiting was that he had eaten nothing in the past day. He could not find an appetite, though. Mind fixed on a million things, he had no room in his head for his basic, human needs.

The door opened and David’s eyes flicked toward it before returning to a corner of the room. He barely noticed as Jack sat down on the end of his bed, crossing his legs in front of himself and leaning in David’s direction.

“What’s up, Davey?” Jack asked. His voice was gentle, unusually so, and when David looked at him, he could see the concern written in his eyes.

David swallowed and struggled to pull together the words he wanted. It was an insurmountable task that he could not manage. Shaking his head, frantic at first and then wasting away into listlessness, he dropped his forehead to his knees and stared at his own lap.

Sometimes, days like this happened and there was nothing David could do about them. Meds were an absolute Godsend, they were what stopped every day from being a bad day, but they could not fix everything. No dosage of anxiety tablets would be strong enough to shut out every nightmare.

Jack shuffled a little further up the bed and put a gentle hand on David’s lower leg. It had been years since he and Jack had first met; he was one of the few people outside of his family who really knew how to deal with him when everything became too much.

Tapping his leg with a finger, Jack spoke again with a voice even softer than before. “C’mon, Davey, can you tell me?”

Perhaps if it had been an actual panic attack then Jack would not have asked questions. This was different, though; one of those times when David was simply overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings and things and just needed to shut it all out for a bit.

Somewhere within himself, David tried to motivate himself to answer the question. He was perfectly able to, just unwilling and tired and unbothered by the prospect of wallowing in his own misery for a bit longer.

Jack’s drumming stopped and he moved one of his hands to rest on David’s knee. “What’s going on in your head?” He paused for a moment and waited for a reply. “You know I’m here for you, I’m gonna wait for you to tell me something, okay?”

Another few seconds passed before David croaked out an answer. “Please, don’t ask me that.” He sounded like he had been eating gravel and washed it down dust. It felt like it, too; his mouth was bone dry after almost a day of not saying or drinking anything. Wincing, he tried to swallow, but even his throat as if the moisture had been sucked from it.

Jack turned onto his hands and knees and crawled over to David. Sitting right next to David, he wrapped an arm his shoulders and pulled him in close. “Okay, sure, I won’t ask that. But, you have something you want to talk about?”

David did not respond for a moment as he moved, leaning his head into Jack’s neck and finding a comfortable position. “Can you just talk about your art for a bit?”

Jack did not need to be asked again as he launched into an explanation of his latest coursework piece.

It was an easy routine for distraction. David had asked Jack to do it enough times that he knew it worked well. Conversely, on the days that Jack collapsed in a heap, David had spent hours talking about the latest topic they had been discussing in the history lectures, or the book he was reading. David fell back into Jack’s voice like it was a lullaby and let his mind drift.

At some point, he needed to say it. That was an unquestionable truth. But, getting the words out was something that he had no actual want to say.  

He tumbled into the words face first, without knowing what he was saying. “Were you ever going to tell me?” David’s muscles tightened involuntarily as he waited for Jack’s answer and things whirled around his head at a million miles per minute as he fought to pull together a sentence that explained what was in his head.

“Tell you about what?” Jack said mildly. He sounded unconcerned, but there was a lingering hint of worry that he disguised well.

David did his best to shrug. “The, you know…” He tilted his head so he could look up at Jack. “It’s just, I heard about…” Trailing off again, he licked his parched lips and picked at the skin around his fingernails. “In the newspaper on Thursday?” With the words in the open, David rushed to fix them again. “Not that you had to tell me or anything, but I just say it, and I thought that… I thought that…” He lost his train of thought and settled back into silence.

Jack’s face darkened, and his posture went taught. “I don’t care about him.” Scowling, he pulled his arm away from David and crossed it over his chest. “My birthfather can rot in hell for all I care. Good riddance to him that he got caught in a drug ring and sent to gaol.”

David swallowed. “I didn’t mean… Fuck, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bought it up…” He shook his head and looked away from Jack, ashamed.

“No, shit, sorry,” Jack said, exhaling heavily as his anger melted away from him, “I’m not angry at you or anyone. I mean, maybe at him, but seriously, I wasn’t kidding when I said he could rot in hell. I’m just…” Sighing, he trailed off and a silence elapsed between them.

Jack broke the silence after a few, long seconds. “I just don’t like to talk about him, Davey.”

“No, I know, I’m sorry,” David said quickly. His words continued to speed up as he lapsed into messy thoughts and a need to apologise. “It was a really stupid thing to say. Not like I expected you to say anything, more like if you wanted to talk about it and I really messed that up and, shit, sorry.” He took a fast breath in and then slowly exhaled. He could feel his heart beating and threatening to shatter his ribcage. “I sounded like such an arse, I’m sorry.”

Giving him a weak smile, Jack shrugged. “You’re fine, I get it. But, nah, I don’t want to talk about him, at least not now.” He picked at the cuffs of his jeans and avoided eye contact with David. “But, uh, this is what you were thinking about up here?”

David shook his head. “No, family issues back home…” He paused, unwilling to elaborate. “It’s just I had a lot of time to think, you know. Saw in in the newspaper, couldn’t stop my brain. You know how it is…” He gestured at his head loosely and gave a final shrug. “I’m sorry, Jack…”

Jack’s body relaxed fully, but he did not put his arm back around David. “Don’t need to apologise, Davey, it’s fine. But, uh, do you want me to leave? Give you some time alone?”

“Not unless you need to leave,” David replied. His looked back up at Jack and gave him a withdrawn smile. “Kind of just want cuddles and for you to finish telling me about your painting of the exhibition.”

Jack’s face broke into a soft grin. “Yeah, I think that can be arranged.” He wrapped his arms around David again, enveloping him in a tight hug, and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “Love you.”

David twisted his neck to kiss Jack in return. “Love you, too.”

[durifmdarchived]

guess who’s back,, back again. ah yes, it is, once again, anthony! i decided that i really needed to revive my entire smol son, duri. just this time around, he’s older, and in the form of one of the lomls, choi minho! oh and also now the main vocalist 1 of knight (because c’mon, my ass is so in love with exo like when i was still high after my colonoscopy on friday, i told my family i was gonna go home and listen to exo,, so now we know who fully owns my entire ass.)  anyways ! we’re going to move on from that and get right until it! here is duri’s biography, profile, and plots! 

just a friendly reminder that under the cut, there will be mentions of post-traumatic stress disorder, car accident, parental death, and anxiety! any bullet point that deals with any four of these topics will have the tw at the beginning! 

duri was born on december 25th 1990 to two young college students, oh jangmi & park seah, in incheon, south korea. even though they did something rather irresponsible, the two of them were still very responsible and were going to work so hard on taking care of little duri. 

he spent a lot of time with grandparents since the both of his parents will still college students and they wanted his parents to be able to get their degrees. which of course, the two would later do; seah in business and jangmi in pharmacy. 

 when he was three years of age, his parents wed in a beautiful spring ceremony. there’s a bunch of pictures of him looking cute as heck at the wedding. but, he doesn’t really remember it, he only has the pictures. 

he was honestly... the cutest little child who was just so happy and energetic, always respectable of people. he would easily melt your heart honestly.

TW: CAR ACCIDENT & PARENTAL DEATH; when he was five years old, his life took a turn for the complete worst. one spring morning, when the remaining of winter was still hanging on, and on his way to school; himself and his family would be involved in a car accident. his mother died instantly with the impact, while his father died sometime after. duri would later wake up in hospital; remembering every detail that happened with the car accident, as well as remembering his family members, but his memories before than would sit as a blur in his mind,  and he would be haunted by this accident for the rest of his life, most likely.

was sent to live with his uncle, minho, and his aunt, taekjo, in seoul. they own a really popular cafe and it’s literally come to age a lot; i’m thinking they live and work somewhere in itaewon. the two took really good care of duri, as if he was their very own son (minho and taekjo couldn’t have any children because taekjo is unable to bare children) basically he was born through their hearts. they taught him happiness, the wonders of the world, and everything else in between.

he really only considers incheon his birth place and not really a hometown due to the bad memories that linger there. he considers seoul to be his hometown due to living in seoul the longest and stuff like that. 

TW: POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER; he really started suffering from post traumatic stress disorder; he would often relive the car accident in his sleep and he’d wake up basically screaming, then would cry once he came back to reality. he would also panic if something would accidentally smash in the cafe and no one really understood what was going on. but, minho had looked for answers and finally came up with what matched duri’s symptoms. he would later attend counseling. his dreams were never the same, they’d follow the same general thing, but something about it was always different, which is why duri can’t remember the accident fully. 

he found and interest and solace in music; which was something that later became a love and something that he wanted to do for a career. he would take singing lessons before going on to learn guitar and piano as well. he would partake in the café’s open mic nights for something fun to do. 

even though he had all this interest in music; he didn’t have an interest in auditioning for entertainment companies yet. he didn’t feel like he was ready, he wanted to take care of himself fully, focus on his studies, and studying music. even though minho & taekjo really thought he should audition, they respected his wishes. 

as high school rolled around, he attended seoul school of performing arts (sopa) where he basically focused on music and performing for his later use. he was pretty popular with people due to his happy and caring attitude as well as his skill level in music (ofc there were some jealous but w/e.) at showcases, he was always scouted by a load of entertainment companies but he always turned them down due to the reasons stated above. 

after graduating high school, duri decided that he was going to enlist in the military. he thought it would be better to do this, believing he’d finally be ready to chase after his dream once he did his enlistment. he would become a public servant due to the ptsd (but it wasn’t that bad, which was why they had allowed him to stay) and he’d even get to be in the military band, which he was really happy about. 

though, while he was in the military, he got bad again mental health wise due to the fact he wasn’t keeping him with his therapist and etc, so he started having his pervious issues once again. he thought it was just a phase that he’d get over but spoiler alert, it’s not. 

after graduating from military enlistment, he decided to finally audition for an entertainment company. bc entertainment was the first one to have auditions, so duri decided to go for that company; besides, he really liked both decipher and bee, so it just seemed like it would be the place for him. he auditioned without the knowledge of his uncle and aunt because he wanted to surprise them if he got in. 

so, he went to the open auditions, felt a little odd because he felt like the oldest person there among a bunch of teenagers and stuff. but anyways, he went over what he had to do in his head to himself as he waited, before his audition group would finally be called.

they all lined up in the room and went one by one, but the guy who was doing the auditions, was hella strict and kept stopping people and yelling out next. he would always give people a look of sympathy and told them they did well.  and before he knew it, it was his turn. 

he stepped up to where he had to be, before introducing himself, and proceeding to strum his guitar and singing decipher’s “replay.” the trainer finally stopped looking down and writing, looking up at duri and being memorized by his voice. duri was the only person to go for the full allowed time. after that, he was asked to dance and like he had no idea what to do?? so he just kind of.. busted out the moves to bee’s tell me and hoped for the best. it worked and he got the paper to go into the next room, where he would pass the audition completely, later going on to sign the trainee contract.

he wasn’t a trainee for very long (hoping i did the math correctly ajknfakkn but we’re going to pretend i did) basically he was almost immediately placed into the lineup of knight and his entire training was basically the nine months before debut that knight was known by the public. guess word got around about his voice, which was why he was there so quickly. i’m like 99% sure some people probably didn’t like duri for that sole reason that he was going to be debuting so quickly over some other trainees. 

duri is one of the members that are basically without scandal to be honest. though, he did have a small thing once where a large group of netizens were saying that he was faking his personality for the cameras that there is no one he’s so sweet, caring, and generally really happy all the time. but, it was shut down quickly by non-fans of knight whom had great experiences with duri, letting people know that he really is the way that he presents himself to the public. soon, netizens felt like duri was someone they could trust and someone who wasn’t going to cause problems like some of the other members (no shade i promise xx)

bc 100% pushes duri for his voice over everything else. he lost out on a lot of acting opportunities, since bc rejected all acting offers for him; only accepting the ost offers, basically. though, they did let him star in lipstick’s excuse me last year. otherwise, it’s just pushing him for his voice. while he doesn’t mind it since he does want a solo, he still feels like he’s easily missing out on acting opportunities. 

so personality wise, duri is a vv good person. he’s really nice and sweet without a mean bone in his body. he’s someone that people can really take advantage of because he has such a big heart and doesn’t really ever say no. he’s always happy and smiling; even though his mind is in pain. has fake maknae energy, one big ol’ puppy. the softest boy !! 

he’s also such a big brother like your his younger friend?? suddenly he’s like your big brother !! 

obviously member of knight’s hyung line !

he’s fluent in two languages korean (obviously his native language) and japanese. 

in his free time, he really likes reading books and watching movies/dramas. 

he so badly wants to move out of the knight dorm just so that he can get a dog(s). 

gg enthusiast (i mean he does really enjoy bgs too but he loves ggs ok !!) and also a vv big ariana grande fan. 

night sky enthusiast; has a connection to the stars due to a story his grandmother told him when he was younger. 

TW: paranoia / anxiety / claustrophobia;  he doesn’t drive because his paranoid about it & he always takes the stairs, never going in the elevator because he feels like it’s closing in on him and he starts to panic. 

this got really long and i think this is all i can say about duri ?? but anyways thanks for reading,, i love duri sm :(((

[fromchaos]

i like my body

read it on the ao3 at http://archiveofourown.org/works/7846558

(repost of an old fic just bc)

summary: adam has noticed for some time that while ronan seems to be getting more comfortable every day, he’s been feeling gradually stranger in his skin.

pynch, rated m, #everyoneistrans

title from the poem “i like my body” by e. e. cummings, which vaguely inspired this fic. in order to fully get into the mood, listen to the entirety of the front bottoms discography.

cw/tw for gender dysphoria, brief references to adam’s past, mentions of gender confirmation surgery, and non-graphic descriptions of sex. in addition, i’d just like to say that i am but one trans person and the experiences of these characters certainly don’t represent the experiences of all trans people. okay, enjoy!

the first time one of them leaves a mark, it’s almost completely an accident. ronan gets carried away lavishing attention at the meeting of adam’s neck and shoulder, and later there is a faint red splotch in that very spot. he doesn’t notice it until he’s brushing his teeth before he leaves for work. as he kisses ronan goodbye at the door, he comments on it as casually as possible, “nice leech action earlier.” adam swivels his head to the side, baring the little mark to ronan.

ronan looks embarrassed, which on him is really just one of many variations on “mad.” he won’t meet adam’s eyes when he snaps, “sorry, won’t happen again.”

and maybe adam should have expected he’d take it this way; physicality between the two of them has been a slow, rambling journey, ironically nowhere near as natural as it had felt with blue. they still haven’t done anything more than clumsily feel each other other up in the midst of a heavy makeout session. any verbal acknowledgment of it by either of them usually makes the other respond with teeth and claws bared, ready for a fight. “no, ronan,” adam says, trying for a tone that could be described as earnest, “really- nice.”

it’s still not enough, still awkward in the way words usually are between them. their flirtation had been about actions and spontaneous gestures for so long that it sometimes feels like things get lost in translation. when adam had asked gansey about it, his sage advice had been, “if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.” and adam wants to be doing it, wants to be doing even more of it, so he bravely struggles through moments like this one.

ronan’s face breaks into something more open and unreadable, and he gives adam one more kiss before shoving him out the door. on opposite sides of the barn’s walls, they are both smiling.

from that point on, ronan and adam rarely appear in public without a few hickeys between the two of them. the others give them shit for it almost constantly, but adam just rolls his eyes because he doesn’t have words to describe how good it feels to have bruises that his friends can joke about, how it feels like he and ronan might belong to each other in a way that isn’t completely terrifying.

in january, ronan gets top surgery as a christmas present to himself. the surgeon is in dc, so he stays with the ganseys while gansey is up there for the winter break. adam asks if ronan wants him there, but he shakes his head and gives adam’s hand a squeeze where it’s held between them on the couch. he doesn’t explain too much, probably can’t, but adam figures he understands some of his reasoning. they’ve been working on it, but they still struggle with being vulnerable in front of each other, and adam feels uncomfortable with any behavior that could be described as “nurturing.” gansey had been taking care of ronan a lot longer, and he’d gotten his own top surgery more than a year before.

when he comes back to the barns nearly a week afterwards, adam is anxiously waiting at the kitchen table with opal, who is chomping on a fork and kicking her hooves. the pig pulls up, and he rushes to the door to see ronan slowly pushing himself out of the car while gansey carries his bag and fusses over him.

“remember, opal, no tackling.”

she snorts, clearly of the opinion that tackling should always be allowed. “how long?” she whines.

“two weeks. at least.” opal throws the fork angrily but comes to stand by the door regardless.

ronan grins when he comes in, even after gansey starts nagging him and overloading adam with care-giving instructions. he waits until opal has given ronan a surprisingly sweet hug to say his own hello. it’s just a light kiss, a whispered “welcome home,” in his ear, but when he pulls back, both ronan and gansey are looking at him with utter delight.

“stop making it weird,” he reprimands, leading the way into the living room so that no one can see the way his face has heated up. ronan takes the couch, lies down with his feet in the air so adam can slide under them, put his feet in his lap.

gansey settles in an armchair, says seriously, “i’m just so happy for you two. you know, this is exactly the sort of fluffy human interest story they put on local news networks, and it’s happening to you. that’s exciting!” ronan and adam sneak a look at each other that says exactly what they think of that, and adam has to hold back a laugh. a transgender fluff piece on local news would probably have a lot less dangerous magic, death, near-death experiences, and a lot more parents and heterosexuality.

“well, i’m just saying that i think it’s nice. things haven’t worked out half-bad is all,” gansey continues, “certainly not as terribly as they could have.”

“you’re right, gansey,” adam says, “we’re just being assholes.”

gansey stays for a while, until it’s obvious he’s just being polite by pretending he wouldn’t much rather be getting an enthusiastic welcome back from a certain tiny fashion disaster. “tell blue we say hi,” adam says as gansey is leaving.

“tell them to go to hell,” ronan adds with a small smile.

the last thing gansey says before he goes is, “i certainly will not.”

after adam makes a lazy dinner of instant mac and cheese and gets opal in bed, ronan gestures to him, says “c’mon.” he follows him up to the bathroom, where ronan starts unpacking the paper bag full of ointment and dressing gansey had left there earlier. he starts to roll up his t-shirt and stops halfway, admits, “my arms don’t really move that far yet.” adam tugs it the rest of the way up and off for him.

it’s not the first time he’s seen ronan shirtless, but it is the first time ronan doesn’t immediately curl up on himself or switch the focus to adam instead. his chest is still bandaged and a little swollen, but he looks good. the context isn’t quite right for adam to get worked up about it, but he admits to himself that his boyfriend is more than a little okay-looking. “you’re gonna have to get used to this glorious sight, parrish. soon i’m gonna be strutting all over the place half-naked. never wearing a shirt again,” ronan jokes when the silence stretches on a beat too long.

adam starts peeling away the first bandage, maybe a little too harsh at first. “it’s january. you’ll freeze your newly-placed nipples right off.”

ronan’s hands come up almost reflexively in a protective gesture. he huffs, “you’re just jealous.” it doesn’t really make sense, but the comeback sits with adam as he finishes cleaning the incisions and changing the bandages.

he isn’t jealous of ronan’s new chest per say, but he has noticed for some time that while ronan seems to be getting more comfortable every day, he’s been feeling gradually stranger in his skin.

over the past few months, he’s been more and more aware of his body with each passing day. maybe it started with cabeswater vanishing or with being in a relationship or the way his chest and shoulders seem to be broadening out. maybe he just has too much time to think about himself now that all of his spare time isn’t dedicated to hunting for glendower. whatever the cause, adam’s body feels at once the most his that it ever has and the most alien from himself that he can ever remember.

they sleep in the same bed that night, eager for more time together even if it’s spent unconscious. adam tries not to get too close to where ronan lies on his back, anxious about disrupting his healing, but he slides their hands together and holds on tight.

they get better at the physical stuff slowly and steadily, to the point where adam would even call it a major component of their relationship, but they stay firmly planted at second base for almost six months. there’s ronan’s weird catholic guilt, adam’s overtaxed schedule, and both of their individual body issues to contend with. adam can’t say he hasn’t thought about it- it’s actually become sort of an obsession. he’s lost precious sleep thinking about how it would happen: what actual acts would be performed, how it would feel, what ronan would look like in that final moment as he tipped over the edge. he’s a planner, and sex is no exception.

but the thing about ronan-the thing about adam with ronan-that he should have accounted for is the recklessness, the spontaneity. when it happens, it’s almost completely different than he had envisioned.

they’ve been having a lethargic day at the barns. no homework, no odd jobs around the farm, just catching up on sleep and heating up leftovers. there’s been a series of movies playing on the television in the living room, but adam has missed large chunks of every single one for trading lazy, sloppy kisses with ronan on the couch. opal had been sitting on the floor with declan’s old lincoln logs for the first movie, but had left shouting and making sounds of disgust once the kissing had started. it doesn’t feel like it’s building up to anything, going anywhere, until ronan comments, faux-casually, “we could be doing this upstairs.”

adam adopts the same tone when he adds, “in an actual bed.”

“with a door that locks,” ronan smirks, now that he’s sure they’re on the same page.

it takes them a while to actually get upstairs to ronan’s room, to remove clothing, to get into a workable position on the bed.

then ronan zeroes in on adam with laser focus, building him up first with his hand, then with his mouth. it’s good (really good), but there are still moments when he starts to get uncomfortable with the attention. he keeps turning his head to the pillow next to him, only to remind himself that ronan is on top of him, below him, not at his side. then ronan will pause and grin up at him, and his stomach settles, and he can just let himself feel good.

when he finishes, ronan crawls back up to his side and collapses, face down in his pillow. adam presses kisses onto his shoulder, his bicep, his shoulder blade- anywhere he can reach while his bones still feel like jelly. ronan turns his head, says, “i’m good.”

“i know. are you looking for a performance review or something?” adam teases between kisses.

ronan groans. “no, asshole. i mean- ugh.” he buries his face into the pillow again, speaks out of the side of his mouth, “you can return the favor tomorrow or next time or whatever. right now- i’m good.”

something about that doesn’t sit right with adam. it’s hard not to think of this as a one-sided exchange, a debt that hasn’t been properly paid, even if he knows rationally that it was a gift ronan gave without any expectation of reciprocation. as if he can hear the gears working in adam’s brain, ronan continues with difficulty, “look, it’s like- it’s- i- you.” he pauses, sighs, cracks a single eye to look at adam, “being with you, getting you off- that gets me off, okay? you make me feel like i’m getting off with the body i wish i had.”

he hadn’t thought of it that way. he isn’t sure he gets it, but adam never leaves something alone until he understands completely. “is that… enough?” “i mean, not always. i still fucking want you, okay? but tonight, just let me savor this shit.”

“okay.”

“okay,” ronan echoes. he wraps an arm around adam, pulls him closer until he can just flop on top of him the way he likes to when he’s on the brink of sleep. adam stays awake a little longer, puzzling out what it is about his body ronan finds so reassuring. in the morning, he does return the favor, and he tries to suppress the overwhelming feeling of smug satisfaction it brings him.

the gang almost always hangs out as a complete group, barring romantic endeavors. sometimes, though, ronan starts to get restless and awful, and gansey starts acting like he’s got a bee in his bonnet, and that’s usually when it’s decided he and gansey need some special friendship time. then things go back to normal again for a while. henry says it’s what adam and blue deserve for breaking up their boyfriends. they say it doesn’t matter why it works, just that it does.

while the two of them are off on their very special friend date, adam meets henry and blue for frozen yogurt at the usual place. at first it had felt wrong to go there without noah, to act like nothing had changed, but a new normal slowly asserted itself as time went on. also, there is only one frozen yogurt place in henrietta.

henry is trying to steal bites of blue’s fro-yo which usually would lead to blue wielding her spoon like a sword and henry getting injured. today, though, blue seems distracted, and ze has free access to her banana yogurt.

“i’m starting to suspect an ulterior motive for this trip,” he says once henry has eaten all of zir own fro-yo and about half of blue’s.

“huh? no!” she startles, then relaxes again, taps her plastic spoon on her lip contemplatively. “i guess i was just thinking about how it would feel to be the token cis person in the gang. it’s sort of weird, right? how all of us are this spectrum of trans identity and you’re…”

“boring cis adam?” he supplies. his stomach does a weird flip and he pushes what’s left of his fro-yo to henry.

“no!” she says again, “i mean, sort of. like, half of fox way is trans, and i didn’t really have friends at school, and now there’s all of us, and i guess what i’m saying is… i’ve never really had cis friends?”

“preach, bluester!” henry cries, drawing the attention of several other patrons at the fro-yo stand.

blue continues, “and i never really thought that a cis person could get it, could be so not-shitty about gender stuff. it sounds weird, but, like, what is that like?”

she’s looking at him so intensely, and now henry is paying full attention too, and adam feels sort of put on the spot. it had certainly occurred to him that maybe it wasn’t conventional for a friend group to be as diverse gender-wise as theirs was, but he’d always figured that was what had made them so intensely bonded. and he’d never really thought about what it meant to be cisgender. he stumbles looking for the right words. “thanks? i don’t know? i mean, what’s it like to be trans?”

“a-damn!” henry cries, “that is not the point of this very scientific inquiry. we are on a journey into the horrific and strange world of the cis mind!” blue nods absentmindedly, but turns back to adam with a strange, conflicted expression.

he shrugs, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. he wishes the conversation hadn’t taken this turn. he says, almost pleadingly, “i’m serious, guys. i’ve never really thought about it. i figured that’s what being cis meant: never having to think about it.”

blue’s face scrunches up further. she speaks like she’s choosing her words very carefully, “i don’t think that that’s the whole of it, though. like, yeah, i think about my gender a lot which is maybe part of having a more fluid identity than, say, gansey or ronan, but even when i’m not actively thinking about it, i feel it? i don’t really know how to describe it.”

this time, henry is the one nodding. ze says, “if i may, blue’s clues- for me, it’s a sort of like being hungry or being warm or some other bodily sense? sometimes i just feel off, maybe i’m crabby all day for some unknown reason, maybe i just feel uneasy, and i don’t really realize it. then it hits me later that it’s just time to try out some new pronouns because these don’t feel right anymore.”

“right!” blue chimes. “but, like, not always about pronouns. some days, i’m just, like, more aware of my gender and my dysphoria.”

“oh.” adam feels prickly, like his skin is stretched too tight, and then he flexes his fingers under the table, tries not to feel that way because that sounds sort of like- he stands, looks at his watch, realizes he’s not wearing a watch, says, “i should get going. i have a shift at the garage in an hour, and i wanted to pick up some stuff from st. agnes beforehand.” he’s sort of light-headed now that he’s standing.

“‘stuff?’” henry echoes, an eyebrow raised.

blue looks worried, but she puts on a big smile for adam as she goes to hug him goodbye. “i mean, if you have to. we’ll see you around. take care of yourself.”

he rushes back to his car and tries not to think about how blue and henry are totally talking about him right now. about how cis he is, how he couldn’t handle their conversation because he’s a hetero-cis-patriarch (hetero?), how stupid he is for never thinking about gender like they apparently spend all their time doing.

adam doesn’t even have work until that night, a graveyard shift at the factory, so he starts the car and speeds back to the barns instead. he really had meant to pick up some of his stuff from st. agnes since he has to be moved out by the end of june, but right now he’s craving the wide open grounds of the barns so badly that he allows himself this small moment of irresponsibility.

ronan finds him on the roof of one of the smaller buildings towards the edge of the property when he gets back from monmouth. adam had thought maybe he had heard a sound like wheels on gravel twenty minutes earlier, but he had been too stuck in his own head to do anything about it. he feels slow and sort of far away, like he’s scrying but in a closed, limited space.

“thinking about jumping?” ronan snarks, throwing himself down next to adam. when he only gives a noncommittal hum, ronan scootches closer and nuzzles his bristly head into adam’s neck. the sensation helps a little, so he brings up a hand to scratch at ronan’s scalp. “if you’re getting all emo over something, could you at least give me a hint what it is?”

adam chuckles before he can stop himself. “emo? it’s 2015, is emo still a thing?”

“punk might be dead, but emo is immortal, dude,” ronan claims, leaning into adam’s touch. his breath is humid on adam’s shoulder, but the day is mild. they sit and look at the grounds of the barns in silence. ronan doesn’t let it go. “seriously, what the fuck is up?”

he gives adam space to speak at his own pace, knows he doesn’t like speaking until the thought is complete. “do you think i’m a man?” he asks abruptly. “i mean, do you think i’m manly?” he can tell it’s not where ronan thought he was going with this conversation. he stills for a moment against adam’s shoulder before relaxing again.

“honestly?” adam nods. “i don’t get much of a vibe at all from you.”

“thanks.” his voice and his temperament make the words come out sour, but he hopes ronan knows he means it. adam has always been thankful for ronan’s brutal honesty at times when everyone else wants to coddle him.

he shrugs, slips down until his head in adam’s lap right as adam’s arm was getting tired. these little intuitive gestures are probably the most consistent part of their relationship. ronan reaches for his hand, kisses his fingers. “is that all?”

adam takes a shuddering breath. “would this all be over if i wasn’t a man?”

ronan doesn’t answer, just meets his eyes with a vicious intensity and keeps kissing his fingers, his palm. he feels like he might hyperventilate when he asks, “and what if i wanted to try ‘they’ pronouns?”

ronan takes a moment, and when he responds, every word is deliberately enunciated: “you don’t need my approval, adam. i’ll do whatever you want me to. shit, i thought that was pretty obvious.”

he knows that. he does, but he feels like he’s still practicing this whole business of agency, of declaring what he wants and expecting to be respected. adam says, “well, i do. want that.”

“as you fucking wish,” ronan whispers, leaning up to crush a searing kiss to their lips.