#i feared for that mans LIFE in the first gif lmao

[astrobydalia]

Summer fling❤️‍🔥

Relatioship observations

work by astrobydalia

❤️‍🔥 A thing about Virgo Venus is that since this is Venus’ fall they tend to be socially awkward or have struggles reading the room. The type to make jokes or remarks that are a bit too direct and low-key break the mood. They tend to behave in ways that comes across as robotic or dry

❤️‍🔥 A similar thing happens with Scorpio/Aries Venus too (venus is debilitated here as well) they tend to behave in ways that breaks social harmony by being a little too bold or even scandalous (Examples of this energy: Marilyn Monroe, Doja Cat)

❤️‍🔥In general, unless the rest of the chart says otherwise, debilitated Venus positions gives the native low charisma and lower ability to blend in socially. Their demeanor tends to be too forward or rub people the wrong way.

❤️‍🔥What is up with Leo placements and becoming romantically obsessed with people that reject them? Either that or they enjoy perusing people who they "shouldn't" be with like authority figures or someone that is way out of their league

❤️‍🔥Just like Jupiter in a woman's chart tells you how her husband will be, I feel like Jupiter in man's chart will tell you what kind of husband he'll be to be honest

​❤️‍🔥​ Whenever I had Vertex in the 5th house of a Solar Return, romance was a significant thing during those years!! However it was always flings, situationships and stuff like that. The sign with gives more nuance like one year I had it in Sagittarius and I had a fleeting romance with a foreigner

❤️‍🔥 With debilitated moon (Capricorn/Scorpio Moon) I've noticed these natives tend to believe or feel like love is conditional. Things like loyalty, trust and care are earned and come with a price or you have to jump thorough endless hoops first in order to get them. They refuse to be vulnerable so they expect the other person to show their cards first and then MAYBE if you earn their trust they'll open up too but good luck with that LMAO.

❤️‍🔥 That being said, I noticed men with Capricorn/Scorpio Moon tend to marry a woman that is very self-righteous and controlling. Their choice for a life partner tends to be... yikes

❤️‍🔥 Capricorn/Scorpio Moon can be the type to be skeptical of the idea of true love. The difference is Scorpio Moons are most likely to convert into the lovey-dovey train once they find their person cause being water sign deep down they crave that intimacy. However Capricorn Moons are most likely to freeze their heart out even when their soulmate is right in front of them, unfortunately the more time passes the more cap moons tend to harden their hearts

❤️‍🔥 Scorpio Moon’s greatest fear is to be alone I’ve noticed. And yeah nobody wants that but trust me for Scorpio Moon this is a HUGE thing. When I say they crave intimacy I mean they CRAVE intimacy. If they could hot glue their loved ones to their body so they’re connected to them for life like siamese twins, they would.

❤️‍🔥 Taurus Moons are just as obsessive and sexual as scorpio moons, literally copy paste. They can also be just as toxic when underdeveloped. The difference is taurus moons are more nurturing and if they don't want you to leave they'll create a paradise or "golden cage" for you (vs Scorpio moons who tend to resort to emotional or mind games for this purpose). I was also surprised to discover how needy taurus moons become once they like you?? Idk how to explain it but it's like they wanna insert you in every aspect of their lives and low-key gatekeep you LMAO. On the other hand Scorpio Moons will push you away and play cat and mouse for a while if they see themselves catching feelings

❤️‍🔥In my opinion both moons (Scorpio and taurus) tend to seek possessiveness or control in their relationships and they usually have the upper hand or the most power I've noticed

❤️‍🔥Praying for gen z babies born under Scorpio Venus cause a lot of them have that placement square Aquarius Neptune and that combo is.... ooof. Romanticizing toxic delusional love that brainwashes the shit out of them YALL NEED TO WAKE THE FUCK UP

❤️‍🔥 When someone has their planets in your 12th house sign you have a fogged perception of this person, you tend to idolize them cause there are parts of them that you're blind to. However this person will feel confident in knowing your psyche as well as the unconscious motives behind your actions. This person has a knack to naturally know how to appeal to unconscious desires or fears you weren't even aware you had. For this reason you'll find this person either triggering and scary OR very addictive cause it almost feels like they penetrate your soul

❤️‍🔥 With that being said, people with planets in your 12th house are the best therapists for you or best people to vent to. Water houses in general can apply, but I feel like 12th house is better for this cause it rules over spiritual and emotional healing/cleansing specifically. This person can help you untangle your unconscious and you can feel sooooo much relief after talking or being with them. This will only apply if you trust them and they have good intentions ofc, otherwise they'll actually feed into your unconscious fears and make them worse

❤️‍🔥 People with placements on your 8th house secretly dislike and/or envy you, but still feel the need to be close with you cause they low-key wanna tear you down, wanna see you fail, wanna keep taps on you to make sure aren't too successful. I've seen SOOOOO many toxic fake friendships with this synastry... Although I've previously talked about positive manifestations of this overlay too, frankly this dynamic is what I've observed for the most part with this synastry if im honest with you

❤️‍🔥 I totally agree with @zeldasnotes when she said 8th house synastry is only good/tolerable when there’s mutual sexual attraction between the two, otherwise it’s annoying af. I believe this is because the two people can easily use sex to release all the intensity and tension between them instead of letting it build up or channeling it through toxic emotions like envy

❤️‍🔥 Okay but have you ever been genuinely loved by an Aries placement? When their heart is in it, they'll have unshakable loyalty. They’d move mountains for you, kill and fight for you. They are THE ride or dies

❤️‍🔥 A thing that I've seen a lot with women who have debilitated Jupiter (Virgo, Gemini, Capricorn) is that they have a husband that prioritized his work over their marriage/family. The husband is often away due to work or duties or just emotionally unavailable in general. These women tend to give up something about their life after marriage because they had to accommodate to their husband's life style, like if she has to move or give up her own job to be with him she will. For example: Grace Kelly (Gemini Jupiter) who quit acting after marring the prince of Monaco. Hailey Bieber (Capricorn Jupiter) who was exposed to a lot more public attention after marrying Justin and she said herself she's had to learn to adapt that being new part of her life now

❤️‍🔥 Another big thing I've seen with Saturn influence in the 7th house is that your spouse will have big, BIG ambitions. People only talk about Jupiter or Venus but to be real with you, Saturn is an underrated indicator for your spouse being wealthy. This placement indicates that your spouse is stablished, successful and can easily provide stability for you. All the people I've seen with this placement married someone who had a business!!!!, their own house, a successful career, a household name, a higher position, etc

What I mean by Saturn influence on the 7th (for both Vedic and Tropical): Saturn in the 7th house Capricorn or Aquarius DSC 7th ruler in the 10th house (also maybe 11th house) or vice versa Saturn darakarka

❤️‍🔥 Mars-Pluto aspects definitely will make someone have pretty extreme kinks

❤️‍🔥 I’ve seen this a lot in Pisces Moons and Aries Moons that they low-key wanna be babied in a relationship or they subconsciously end up being the one who’s more coddled and taken care of by their partner

❤️‍🔥 Aries and Gemini placements in the composite chart is indicative of a relationship that likely won't last long-term. I've seen this placement in long lasting marriages too but their relationships gave off fling vibes, really playful, they type where people said they wouldn't last

❤️‍🔥 I’ve seen Saturn in the 7th house synastry manifesting as the opposite of commitment. The Saturn person blocks off the possibility of having a committed relationship with the house person and the house person feels abandoned

❤️‍🔥 With that being said Saturn in synastry/composite can indicate rejection in that area and things one or both parties will deprive the other of or deny them. For example Saturn in the 8th synastry/composite can mean one person refused to have sex with the other or there are many conditions and restrictions in the sex life of both

❤️‍🔥 Aquarius and Capricorn Mars/Venus are SO good at hiding their attraction from you. They'll watch from afar for some time before making some move meanwhile you'll be clueless of their interest

❤️‍🔥 Moon square Neptune is an aspect that makes someone emotionally insecure, the type to need constant reassurance that you still love them. Can also be emotionally manipulative in very subtle almost undetectable ways

❤️‍🔥 Earth Venus find it very easy to engage in casual dating/hook up culture because they know how to not get too attached. They have a hyper awareness of what purpose a certain relationship is serving them at the moment so they act accordingly

❤️‍🔥 On the other hand I’ve noticed Air Venus natives have a tendency to play around because they know they get the ick quickly. But it's all fun and games until they end up catching feelings accidentally 😭

❤️‍🔥 My experience having Gemini Jupiter in the 7th house: Yes all my suitors/dates have been foreigners but the cultural difference was never that big. They usually came from a country close to mine or their cultural background was very similar from mine

work by astrobydalia

[theetherealbloom]

IF THERE'S NOTHING LEFT - CH.1

Chapter One: Be The Light, When All The Lights Go Out

Summary: You, a skilled healer, are brought to Rome by Senator Gracchus under the pretense of treating gladiators and Roman elites. You work with General Marcus Acacius to fight against the cruel reign of the twin emperors. Through danger and shared hope, your connection becomes a source of strength as you both dream of freeing Rome.

Paring: General Marcus Acacius x F!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, ANGST, Fluff, SMUT, Age-Gap(ish), Ancient Rome, Canon-Typical Violence, Gladiators, Blood, Gore, War, Romance, Politics, Alternate Universe, Eventual SMUT, Slavery, Sexism, Misogyny, Guilt, PTSD, Rebellion, Empires, (Very Light) Strangers-to-Enemies-to-Friends-to-Lovers, Crowds, Shouting, Animals, Duels, Loose Historical Fiction,

Word Count: 5.8k

A/N: I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF… I NEEDED TO START THIS FIC. RRRAAAAAHHHH. Also, Marcus and Lucilla are NOT married in this fic/AU lmao. I might get some terms wrong since I can’t find the complete script yet (pls help) so I'll be editing this as time passes. And I’m like… not a historian so lol. 

Side note: I’m dyslexic and English isn’t my first language! So I apologize in advance for the spelling and/or grammatical errors. As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated. Thank you and happy reading!

Song: If There's Nothing Left by NIKI

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A DAY BEFORE THE RANSACKING OF NUMIDIA

ROME, 200 A.D. — DAY

The air in your clinic was heavy with the metallic tang of blood and the acrid stench of sweat. Shouts and groans from the injured filled the space, their voices blending into a cacophony of pain that would have broken a lesser person. But not you.  

You moved with the precision of a master sculptor, your hands steady as you sutured the gaping wound on a gladiator’s shoulder. Blood seeped into the linen bandages you’d prepared, but you didn’t flinch. Your focus was unshakable, the outside world forgotten as you worked to save the life in front of you.

General Marcus Acacius stood in the shadows of the doorway, his imposing frame unnoticed amidst the chaos. His dark eyes were fixed on you, the healer who had garnered whispers throughout Rome. He had heard of your work, of course—how you treated anyone who came through your doors, from nobles to slaves, without regard for their station. It was rare to see such defiance of societal norms, rarer still to see it done with such quiet grace.  

He watched as you leaned closer to the wounded man, murmuring words of reassurance.  

“Stay still, brave one,” you said softly, your voice low and soothing, cutting through his pain like a balm. “The worst of it is over. You’ll be back in the arena soon enough, though I’d rather you didn’t return at all.”  

The gladiator managed a weak chuckle, wincing as you tied off the last stitch. “You speak as if I have a choice.”  

Your lips curved into a wry smile, though sadness lingered in your eyes. “Perhaps one day you will.”  

Marcus found himself captivated—not just by your skill, but by the quiet authority you wielded in the room. It was rare for him to see someone move with such purpose, commanding respect without ever raising their voice.  

“You risk much, treating slaves and gladiators,” Marcus said, his voice deep and cutting through the din like a blade. 

You didn’t look up, finishing your work before addressing him. “And you risk much, General, entering a place like this.”  

There was no fear in your tone, only a calm defiance that piqued his curiosity. Marcus stepped closer, his boots echoing on the stone floor.

“I’ve seen many healers,” he said, his gaze unwavering. “None with hands as steady as yours. Nor one who speaks so freely.”  

You glanced up at him then, your eyes meeting his with an intensity that momentarily silenced the chaos around you. He was a striking figure, his presence commanding and his face marked by years of war. But it was his eyes that caught you—the deep well of pain and weariness they carried, hidden beneath a veneer of stoicism.  

“Perhaps that’s because most healers know when to hold their tongue,” you replied, arching a brow. “But I’ve found that truth tends to have a healing quality of its own.”  

The corner of his mouth twitched, the ghost of a smile. “And yet, truth has also been known to end lives, particularly in Rome.”  

You returned your attention to the gladiator, checking the bandages one last time. “Then it seems we both walk a fine line, General.”  

Something about the way you said his title felt less like deference and more like acknowledgment. It wasn’t fear or awe that guided your words, but a quiet understanding of who he was and the power he held.  

Marcus watched as you moved to the next patient, a young boy with a deep gash on his leg. Despite the blood staining your hands and the weariness etched into your features, you treated the boy with the same care and kindness you had shown the gladiator.

“Why do you do it?” Marcus asked suddenly, his voice softer now. “Why risk your safety for those Rome has deemed unworthy?”

You paused, glancing at him over your shoulder. For a moment, the question hung in the air between you, heavy with unspoken meaning.

“Because someone has to,” you said simply. “If I don’t, who will?”

The honesty of your answer struck something deep within Marcus. He had spent years justifying his actions as a soldier, telling himself that the violence he carried out was for the good of Rome. Yet here you were, defying the very structure that upheld his world, all for the sake of compassion.

As Marcus continued to watch you, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was witnessing something rare—something that Rome, in all its grandeur, could not crush. For the first time in a long while, he felt a spark of hope.

You broke the silence first, turning to face him fully. “Shouldn’t you be with your army—overseeing the ships and preparing to ransack Numidia, yet another city, all for the so-called ‘Glory of Rome’?” You arched a brow at him, shifting your weight onto one hip with a subtle air of defiance.

The corner of Marcus’s mouth twitched, almost imperceptibly. “Perhaps,” he replied, his voice low, “but I find myself drawn elsewhere.”

“Elsewhere?” You tilted your head, your tone edged with skepticism. “Surely the great General Marcus Acacius has more pressing matters than standing in a healer’s clinic.”

“Perhaps,” he repeated, stepping closer. “But standing here, I begin to wonder if those pressing matters might pale in comparison to what I’ve found.” 

Your breath hitched, but you recovered quickly, letting out a soft laugh. “Flattery from a general. I never thought I’d see the day.”

“It’s not flattery,” he said, his eyes locking with yours. “It’s truth.”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, shaking your head. “Careful, General. If you keep talking like that, people might start to think you have a heart.”

“Perhaps I do,” he said, his tone quiet, thoughtful. “And perhaps it’s found something worth fighting for, beyond Rome.”

Your breath caught at his words, your heart pounding in a way you hadn’t felt in years. But before you could respond, Marcus turned and walked toward the door, his heavy boots echoing in the quiet.

“I’ll return,” he said without looking back. “There’s still much I need to learn from you.”

And as he disappeared into the sunlight, leaving you alone in the quiet of your clinic, you couldn’t help but feel that your world had shifted—just a little, but enough to make you wonder what might come next.

ROME, 200 A.D. — AFTERNOON

The light of the afternoon sun streamed through the tall, arched windows of Senator Gracchus’s residence, casting golden patterns across the polished marble floors. You moved with practiced ease through the grand room, gathering fresh bandages and jars of ointment from your bag while keeping an ear to the Senator’s usual musings. Today, however, your mind was elsewhere.

“Did you send him to me?” you asked, your tone casual but your curiosity evident. You didn’t look up as you sorted through your supplies, your hands deftly organizing the salves and herbs.

“Send who?” Senator Gracchus replied, reclining on his plush lectus, the deep crimson cushions making him look more regal than his age might suggest. His tone was light, but there was a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. He was far too clever to play coy without reason.

“The General. General Acacius.” You paused, glancing at him from the corner of your eye before returning to your work.

The Senator’s lips curled into a knowing smile as he raised his chalice of wine. “Ah, Marcus. I may have mentioned your name in passing conversation.”

You froze for a moment, your brow furrowing. “In passing conversation?” 

“Of course.” He swirled the wine lazily in his cup. “I simply spoke of a brilliant healer who mends not just bodies but spirits. It seems the good general decided to see for himself if the rumors were true.”

You let out a soft huff, shaking your head as you resumed unpacking your things. “Well, he approached me today.”

“And how was he?” Gracchus asked, leaning forward slightly, his expression both intrigued and amused.

“He seemed…” You hesitated, your hands stilling as you searched for the right words. Memories of the encounter flickered in your mind—his commanding presence, the intensity in his eyes, the way his words seemed to linger long after he’d spoken them. “Alright, I suppose,” you said finally, shrugging your shoulders in an attempt at nonchalance. 

Gracchus chuckled softly, setting his chalice down on a nearby table. “Alright, you suppose? My dear, you’re a terrible liar.”

You turned to face him, crossing your arms over your chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” the Senator began, his tone teasing, “that you’ve just met one of the most formidable men in Rome, and yet here you are pretending he didn’t make an impression.”

Your cheeks warmed slightly, though you refused to let it show. “Impression or not, I don’t see how it’s relevant. I’m here to heal people, not… whatever it is you’re insinuating.”

“Oh, I’m not insinuating anything,” Gracchus said with a sly grin. “But let me give you a piece of advice, my dear. Men like Marcus Acacius don’t walk into someone’s life without a reason.”

“Perhaps he was just curious,” you said, turning away to mask the flutter of nerves that crept up your spine. “Or bored.”

“Curiosity doesn’t often bring him to clinics,” the Senator mused, leaning back once more. “Boredom even less so. Whatever the reason, I’d wager it has little to do with medicine.”

You rolled your eyes, though a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. “If this is your way of playing matchmaker, Senator, I’d prefer you didn’t.”

“And here I thought you’d appreciate a distraction,” Gracchus said, raising his chalice once more. “But very well. Consider the matter dropped.”

For now, you thought, knowing full well that Gracchus wasn’t one to let things go so easily. As you busied yourself with preparing his treatment, you couldn’t help but replay the moment you’d locked eyes with Marcus Acacius, his gaze heavy with something you couldn’t quite name. 

Alright, you supposed. But deep down, you knew it was far more than that.

A FEW WEEKS LATER…

OSTIA, PORT OF ROME — DAY  

The sun blazed high over the port, casting a golden glow over the triumphant scene unfolding below. The air was alive with the sound of celebration—the roar of the crowd, the rhythmic chanting of his name.  

“Acacius! Acacius! Acacius!”  

You stood at a distance, hidden in the shadows of a towering marble column, your gaze fixed on the man at the center of the spectacle. Marcus Acacius, the war hero of Rome, returned victorious. His white chariot, pulled by majestic horses, moved with deliberate grace through the throng of citizens who waved laurel branches and tossed flowers into the air.  

The general himself was a vision of Roman splendor, adorned in white and gold, a flowing cape billowing behind him like the wings of an avenging angel. He waved politely to the people, his expression calm and composed, though you suspected a storm brewed beneath that veneer.  

As the chariot came to a halt at the steps of the grand Temple of Mars Ultor, young girls dressed in flowing white tunics and crowned with fresh flowers scattered rose petals in his path. He ascended the steps with measured strides, the marble beneath his feet gleaming in the sunlight.  

You stood among the other servants, the weight of a velvet pillow in your hands anchoring you to the moment. Atop the pillow rested a crown of golden laurels, shimmering with the promise of empty glory. Senator Gracchus had arranged for you to present it, an honor you neither wanted nor could refuse. Your palms were damp with nerves, but it wasn’t fear of the crowd or ceremony that unsettled you. It was the cruel spectacle of it all—the emperors reveling in their power while Rome decayed beneath their feet.  

Marcus reached the top of the steps, standing before the twin emperors. Geta, younger and deceptively charming, gestured to the approaching general. Caracalla, brooding and sharp-featured, watched with an intensity that made the scene feel like a predator sizing up prey.  

Marcus placed a fist over his heart in the Roman salutatio, nodding first to one and then the other. “Emperor Geta,” he began, his voice steady. He turned his gaze to the other. “Emperor Caracalla.”  

“General Acacius,” Geta replied with a wide, practiced smile.  

Marcus straightened, his tone humble yet firm. “I have taken Numidia in your names. Your dominion may yet eclipse that of every emperor who came before you.”  

Caracalla smirked, gesturing lazily to you with a flick of his hand. “Crown him with laurels, brother.”  

Your heart leapt as all eyes turned to you. You stepped forward, forcing yourself to keep your movements measured. Bowing your head slightly, you presented the pillow to Geta. He took the crown, sparing you no more than a dismissive glance, and you retreated quickly, blending back into the shadows as the ceremony continued.  

Geta placed the golden laurels atop Marcus’s salt-and-pepper curls, his smile widening as the crowd erupted in cheers. The senators clapped politely, their faces masks of approval, though you wondered how many of them truly celebrated the general's return.  

The procession moved inside the temple, where the grandeur of marble columns and gilded statues loomed over the gathering. You lingered near the edges of the hall, half-hidden among other attendants. Your eyes were drawn to Marcus, who stood surrounded by Rome’s elite yet seemed entirely apart from them.  

Geta approached Marcus with two chalices of wine, his gait almost casual. “In honor of your conquest, there will be games in the Colosseum,” he said, handing one to the general.  

Marcus accepted it with a polite nod, though his expression remained neutral. “I require no games in my honor. Serving the senate and the people of Rome is honor enough for me.”  

He raised the chalice to toast, but Geta pulled his cup back with a sharp laugh. “You are too modest, Acacius. It does not suit a general as accomplished as yourself.” He clinked their glasses together before Marcus could respond, his tone dripping with mockery.  

“The glory is yours, not mine,” Marcus replied, his words measured. “I only ask for respite from war. To spend time with…” His voice trailed off as his gaze flickered briefly—so briefly—toward you.  

Your breath hitched, the moment so fleeting that you questioned whether it had happened at all.  

Caracalla, lounging nearby, smirked. “Time for what, general? Gardens and poetry? Or something sweeter?”  

Geta ignored his brother, moving to a table where a long ceremonial sword rested. He lifted it, examining the blade with a predatory gleam in his eyes. “There are victories yet to come, Acacius.”  

He turned back toward the general, raising the sword as if to knight him. Lightly, he tapped Marcus’s shoulders, then paused, the blade hovering near his neck.  

“Persia. India. Both must be conquered.”  

With a slow, deliberate motion, Geta pressed the edge of the blade against Marcus’s neck, the sharp metal breaking skin just enough to draw a thin line of blood.  

Marcus didn’t flinch, though his expression darkened. His voice was low, steady, and cold. “Rome has so many subjects. She must feed them.”  

He swatted the blade away from his neck, a flicker of defiance passing between him and the emperor.  

Caracalla’s laugh rang out, sharp and cruel. “They can eat war!”  

Geta let the sword clatter to the floor, the sound echoing across the hall. “Your triumphs will be celebrated, General Acacius,” he said, his tone pointed. “As a tribute to the greatness of the Roman people.”  

He extended his hand, adorned with gaudy rings, and Marcus had no choice but to bow and kiss it. You saw the flicker of disdain in his eyes even as his lips brushed the emperor’s hand.  

From your shadowed corner, your heart ached for him. For the man who bore the weight of Rome’s sins with a quiet dignity that deserved so much more than the cruelty of its rulers.  

IMPERIAL VILLA — NIGHT  

The villa perched on the outskirts of Rome exuded a quiet elegance, its columns and arches glowing under the pale light of the moon. The night was thick with fog, curling like tendrils of smoke through the cypress trees that lined the estate. A gentle breeze carried the scent of rosemary and lavender from the gardens, mingling with the faint hum of nocturnal life.  

Inside, the villa was equally serene. Lucilla, ever gracious, had agreed to host you at the request of Senator Gracchus. The senator had claimed it was “more appropriate” for you to stay under her care, given the delicate balance of Roman customs and the constant scrutiny of the twin emperors. In truth, you suspected it was also for your safety. Lucilla’s influence, though quietly wielded, was a shield few dared to challenge.  

The villa was warm and inviting, a haven amidst the chaos of Rome. Yet, even as you settled into your temporary quarters, a restlessness stirred within you. You missed the simplicity of your small home, the steady rhythm of your work. Here, despite Lucilla’s kindness, you felt like a guest in gilded captivity.  

Meanwhile, Marcus Acacius found himself battling his own restlessness. When he learned you were staying with Lucilla, the knowledge sparked an idea he could hardly ignore. Though he was no stranger to the villa—it was a place he visited often as a long-time confidant of Lucilla—tonight, his reasons for coming were far from casual.  

He rode through the foggy night, his steed's hooves echoing against the stone-paved road. The air was cold, biting against his cheeks, but he barely noticed. Two of his guards flanked him, silent and watchful as shadows.  

When he reached the gates of the villa, a sentry stepped forward, his spear raised in a show of duty. “Halt! Who goes there?”  

The torchlight illuminated Marcus’s face, and recognition dawned on the guard. His stance shifted immediately. Placing a fist over his heart, he bowed. “General.”  

“Open the gates,” Marcus commanded, his voice steady but not unkind.  

The heavy iron gates creaked open, and Marcus dismounted his steed with practiced ease. A stable boy rushed forward to take the reins, bowing quickly before leading the horse away. Marcus adjusted his cloak, brushing off the dampness of the night, and stepped into the villa’s grounds.  

Inside, Lucilla greeted him in the atrium, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders and her sharp eyes glinting with curiosity. “Marcus,” she said warmly, though there was a knowing lilt to her tone. “I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”  

“I hope I’m not intruding,” Marcus replied, his lips curving into a polite smile. “I was nearby and thought it prudent to pay a visit.”  

“Nearby?” Lucilla arched an elegant brow. “Unless the general has taken to wandering the countryside aimlessly at night, I suspect there’s more to this visit than proximity.”  

Marcus didn’t answer immediately, his eyes scanning the villa’s hall. It was quieter than usual, the stillness broken only by the faint crackle of torches and the murmur of distant voices.  

Lucilla stepped closer, her expression softening. “She’s in the east wing,” she said, her voice dropping slightly.  

Marcus turned to her, his gaze sharp. “Who?”  

Lucilla smirked, crossing her arms. “You didn’t ride through the night for me, Marcus. Don’t insult my intelligence.”  

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “You always see through me, Lucilla.”  

“It’s a gift,” she quipped, then gestured toward the hallway. “Go. But don’t wake the entire villa with your heavy boots.”  

Marcus inclined his head in thanks before making his way toward the east wing. The soft glow of oil lamps guided his path, casting flickering shadows on the walls. As he approached your quarters, his steps slowed.  

You were seated by the window, a soft blanket draped over your shoulders, gazing out at the misty garden. The stillness of the night felt fragile, like it might shatter at the slightest sound. The dim light of the oil lamp beside you softened your features, though weariness lingered in your eyes.  

A soft clearing of a throat broke the silence, low but deliberate.  

You turned quickly, your heart skipping at the unexpected intrusion. “General Acacius?”  

He leaned against the doorway, his armor traded for a plain, white tunic and dark cloak that suited the quiet of the night. His lips curled into a faint smirk. “My lady.”  

“I am no lady, General,” you corrected, your brow arching slightly.  

“Marcus,” he said, stepping into the room with a deliberate grace. “And I didn’t mean to disturb you.”  

“You didn’t,” you replied, though the confusion in your voice was evident. “What brings you here at this hour?”  

For a moment, he hesitated, as if weighing his words. Then, with a slight shrug, he said, “I wanted to ensure you were settling in comfortably. Lucilla’s hospitality can be... unique.”  

A faint smile tugged at your lips. “It’s generous, though I can’t help but feel a bit out of place.”  

Marcus nodded, his expression thoughtful. “This villa has always felt like a sanctuary. But I know it can be difficult to find peace in unfamiliar surroundings.”  

For a while, silence stretched between you. The weight of the world outside the villa—Rome’s cruelty, the constant tension—seemed to press lightly against the walls, but here, in this moment, the quiet was soothing.  

“Did you really ride all this way just to check on me?” you asked, a teasing note in your voice that broke through the stillness.  

His lips twitched, the beginnings of a smile warming his face. “Would you believe me if I said yes?”  

You tilted your head, studying him carefully, your gaze soft but sharp. “I might.”  

He stepped closer, the flickering light of the lamp catching the faintest glimmer in his dark eyes. His expression, though tempered by years of military discipline, held a warmth that made your heart skip.  

“Good,” he murmured, his voice low and steady.  

The room seemed smaller suddenly, the air charged with something unspoken. You cleared your throat, shifting slightly, your hands clutching at the fabric of your skirts as if to anchor yourself.  

“I thank the gods that brought you back home safe,” you said, your voice quieter now, tinged with something deeper.  

Marcus’s gaze didn’t falter. “Thank the army,” he replied humbly. “They protected me.”  

You nodded, acknowledging his words. “You must be hungry, then?”  

He raised a brow, clearly amused by the shift in the conversation, but he didn’t resist. “It has been a long ride.”  

Turning, you glanced toward the servant standing silently near the doorway. You offered her an apologetic smile, and she nodded in understanding before quietly leaving the room to fetch food and drink.  

As the door closed behind her, you turned back to Marcus. “It’s the least I can offer after you came all this way.”  

His lips twitched again, his faint smile now fully formed. “You’ve already offered more than you know.”  

You blinked, tilting your head in quiet curiosity. “What do you mean?”  

“Your kindness,” he said simply, stepping closer still. “It’s rare in Rome. Even rarer in my world.”  

Your cheeks warmed under his steady gaze, and you quickly turned your attention back to the window, hoping the dim light would hide your reaction. “I only do what anyone should.”  

“Perhaps,” he said softly, “but not everyone does.”  

The sincerity in his voice sent a flutter through your chest. When you finally looked back at him, he was closer now, his presence commanding but not overwhelming.  

“You’re too generous with your praise, Marcus,” you said, though the words felt light, almost teasing.  

“And you’re far too modest,” he countered, the smirk returning to his lips.  

The sound of footsteps approaching signaled the servant’s return, breaking the charged silence between you. She entered with a tray of fruit, bread, and wine, placing it on the small table by the window before bowing and retreating once more.  

You gestured toward the table, a soft smile gracing your lips. “Please, sit. You’ve had a long day.”  

Marcus inclined his head, his expression grateful as he took the seat opposite you. The light from the lamp flickered between you, casting long shadows on the walls.  

As you poured wine into two cups, the flickering lamplight caught the soft curve of your profile, drawing his gaze. Marcus watched you, his expression thoughtful, warm, and just a little too intense.  

“You should know,” he began, his voice low and deliberate, “this isn’t just about ensuring you’re comfortable.”  

Your hands hesitated for the briefest moment before continuing their task, but the air in the room seemed to thicken. You glanced up at him, your brow arching as you placed one of the cups in front of him. “Have you finally come to your senses and decided to arrest me? For treating those the Senate deems unworthy of saving?”  

The corner of his mouth twitched, a wry, fleeting almost-smile. “No.”  

You leaned back slightly, folding your arms across your chest, your head tilting in mock suspicion. “Then perhaps you’ve come to lecture me? To remind me how dangerous it is to meddle in things beyond my station?”  

His gaze softened, the warmth in it almost unsettling. “Do you think so little of me?”  

The teasing edge in your posture faltered for just a moment before you quickly recovered, glancing down into your own cup. “You’re a General, Marcus. You’re loyal to Rome. To the Senate. My work…” You shrugged, trying to sound casual despite the weight in your voice. “It doesn’t exactly align with the ideals of your empire.”  

Marcus reached for his cup, his hand brushing briefly, almost imperceptibly, against the edge of yours. “You’re right,” he said finally, his tone unreadable.  

Your gaze snapped to his, surprised. “I am?”  

“You don’t align with the empire,” he continued, taking a slow sip of the wine. “You stand above it. You see its flaws and still choose to fight for what’s right, even when it’s dangerous. Even when it puts you at risk.”  

The words struck something deep within you, leaving you momentarily at a loss. You hadn’t expected that—his understanding, his admiration.  

“And you don’t find that... infuriating?” you asked, trying to mask the tremor in your voice with a wry smile.  

“Infuriating?” he echoed, setting the cup down. “No.” His gaze held yours, steady and unyielding. “It’s extraordinary.”  

A sudden heat rushed to your cheeks, and you turned your attention to the fire crackling softly in the hearth. “You’re far too kind, General.”  

“Marcus,” he corrected gently, leaning forward.  

“Marcus,” you repeated, the name tasting unfamiliar on your tongue, though not unpleasant.  

He smiled faintly, as if satisfied. “And I’m not being kind—I’m being honest. Too few in this city have the courage to act as you do. Even fewer have the heart.”  

You looked back at him, searching his face for any trace of insincerity and finding none. The man before you wasn’t the untouchable war hero paraded through Rome’s streets. He was something quieter, something deeper.  

“And what about you?” you asked softly. “Aren’t you tired of all this? The battles, the politics, the endless expectations?”  

His expression shifted, a shadow passing over his features. “More than you could ever know.”  

The quiet confession hung between you, delicate and heavy all at once.  

“Then why not walk away?” you pressed, your voice barely above a whisper.  

He gave a low, humorless laugh, running a hand through his curly hair. “And go where? Rome would never let me go, even if I wanted to. And…” He hesitated, his gaze flicking briefly to you before settling on the fire. “There are reasons to stay.”  

Your breath caught at the implication, but you forced yourself to keep your tone light. “Duty, I suppose?”  

His eyes met yours again, darker now, more intense. “Something like that.”  

The weight of his words pressed against your chest, and you found yourself wondering if he could hear the sudden quickening of your heart.  

“I’m not sure I understand you, Marcus,” you said quietly, the teasing edge gone from your voice.  

“Good,” he replied, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “I’d hate to be predictable.”  

You couldn’t help but smile at that, shaking your head as you finally took a sip of your wine. “You’re certainly not that.”  

The room fell into a companionable silence, the crackling of the fire and the distant chirping of crickets filling the space. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, the weight of the world seemed to lift, if only slightly.  

“Thank you,” you said after a while, your voice soft but sincere.  

He tilted his head, his brow furrowing slightly. “For what?”  

“For coming,” you replied, meeting his gaze. “For… for seeing me. Not just tonight, but—” You hesitated, searching for the right words. “For seeing me as more than what Rome would make me.”  

His expression softened, and for a moment, the guardedness in his eyes melted away, replaced by something unspoken but undeniable. “It’s impossible not to.”  

The words wrapped around your heart, and for a fleeting moment, you allowed yourself to believe them.  

“At times, I wish you would abandon all of this,” you said softly, your voice trembling with honesty. “The wars. The blood. The service to men who deserve none of it.”  

Marcus’s jaw tightened, the muscle there twitching before he answered. “I’ve made my choice,” he said, his tone resolute, but there was a flicker of weariness in his eyes. “I can live with it. But my patience with them is at an end.”  

You glanced toward the far corner of the room, where Leta, the ever-watchful servant, lingered. Offering her a kind smile, you said, “Leta, you may go to your quarters now. We’ll need nothing more this evening.”  

Leta hesitated, her gaze flickering between the two of you, but at your gentle nod, she smiled and curtsied, before slipping out, leaving the room steeped in a quiet intimacy.  

Marcus exhaled deeply, as if the act of speaking had been weighing on him. He set his cup down on the nearby table across from you, his broad shoulders hunched slightly as though bearing the weight of Rome itself. “To hear wives and mothers mourning their dead on that beach of Numidia…” His voice was low, rough with emotion. He scoffed bitterly and ran a hand through his hair. “No more. I will not waste another generation of young men for their vanity. If I fight another campaign…” His gaze hardened, a fire igniting in his eyes. “It must be to depose them.”

Your breath hitched at the words. “You’re telling me this… why?” you asked carefully. “We’ve met only briefly. Why would you trust me with something so dangerous?”  

He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his intense gaze locking onto yours. “Am I wrong to assume that Senator Gracchus and Lucilla have been whispering thoughts not unlike my own? That Rome deserves better than two tyrants playing at being gods?”  

You hesitated, your lips quirking slightly to the side as you considered your answer. Finally, you gave him a small nod. “You’re not wrong. The whispers grow louder with each passing day.”  

For a moment, the room was silent save for the crackle of the fire in the hearth. You licked your lips nervously and took a steadying breath. Meeting his eyes, you asked, “When will your troops arrive?”  

“They’ll land in Ostia in ten days,” he replied, his voice low and firm.  

You nodded, your mind already calculating the implications. “How many will be loyal to you? To you alone?”  

“All of them,” he said without hesitation. “Many of them owe their lives to you, as I’ve heard it. Your words of wisdom, your care in the camps—they remember. Soldiers don’t forget kindness, especially in a world so devoid of it.”  

Your cheeks flushed at his words, but you pressed on. “The emperors have lost the people’s support,” you said, your voice heavy with conviction. “The citizens are weary of their madness, their tyranny. What is the dream of Rome if our people are not free?”  

Marcus let out a long sigh, the weight of the truth settling over him. “A dream deferred,” he murmured. “But not lost. Not yet.”  

The silence that followed was charged, the enormity of what lay ahead pressing upon both of you. You searched his face, seeing the resolute determination of a soldier but also the quiet yearning of a man who had seen too much, endured too much.  

“And what of you?” he asked, his voice softer now. “If the tide turns, if the gods will it… what would your dream of Rome be?”  

You hesitated, the question catching you off guard. “A Rome where compassion isn’t a weakness. Where the people, not the emperors, hold the power. A Rome where no child grows up in fear of a tyrant’s whim.”  

His gaze softened, and for a moment, the hardened lines of his face eased. “That’s a dream worth fighting for,” he said quietly.  

You gave him a small, tentative smile. “And worth surviving for.”  

The words lingered in the air between you, a shared understanding forming in the flickering light. Neither of you dared to say it outright, but the unspoken promise was clear: whatever lay ahead, you would not face it alone.  

[nyrasvoid]

Through Love and Sorrow

♡︎ Gwayne Hightower x Fem!Reader

𖤓 Summary: After the joy of expecting their first child is shattered by a devastating miscarriage, Gwayne Hightower returns home to find his wife consumed by grief.

⚝ Warnings: Angst, Miscarriage, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy Insecurities, Emotional Trauma.

⚝ A/N: this fic also includes a kinda mother-son relationship between reader and Daeron,btw sorry I haven’t posted anything in like two weeks lmao

-Word count: ≈4.4k

This fanfic is a request from a while ago (link)

You sat in your room, the sunlight pouring through the tall windows. Your hands moved skillfully with the needle and thread, working on a small attire—a delicate onesie you had lovingly made for your child, your first with Gwayne.

As you finished the final stitch, you glanced at the door, eager for Gwayne’s return. You had planned carefully how to share the wonderful news with him, and now the moment had arrived.

The door creaked open, and Gwayne stepped in, looking tired but his face brightening when he saw you. “My love,” he greeted, coming over to kiss your cheek. “You look especially happy today. What’s going on?”

You smiled and took his hand, guiding him to sit beside you. “I’ve been working on something,” you said. “And I want to show you.”

Gwayne watched as you pulled the small onesie from behind your back and placed it in his hands. His brow furrowed for a moment in confusion before realization dawned on him. He looked up at you, his eyes wide with disbelief and excitement.

“Is this…?” he started, his voice full of wonder.

You nodded, unable to keep the smile from your face. “Yes, Gwayne. We’re going to have a babe.”

He stared at you for a moment, the onesie still in his hands as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.

Then, without warning, he pulled you into his arms, laughing with joy. “A babe! We’re going to have a child!” His voice was full of emotion, his grip on you tightening as he buried his face in your neck. “Gods, I’m the luckiest man alive.”

You laughed with him, feeling the warmth of his love surround you. He pulled back slightly, cupping your face in his hands as he kissed you deeply, then gently placed his hand on your belly. “I can’t believe it,” he whispered, as he got on one knee to kiss your barely swollen belly

“We’ll have a little one running around soon, with your beauty and wit,” Gwayne continued, his voice thick with emotion as he caressed your belly, where your child was beginning to grow. “We’ll teach them everything—how to ride, how to wield a sword, everything. I’ll be by your side through it all.”

You smiled, leaning into his touch. “And I’ll make sure they know how to be kind and strong, like their father.”

Gwayne laughed softly, his eyes sparkling with the kind of happiness that made your heart swell. “And stubborn like their mother, I’m sure.”

The days following the joyful news were some of the happiest of your life. Gwayne was attentive and loving, always making sure you had everything you needed, always talking about the future and the life you would build together. But as time went on, you began to be more worried and insecure.

The other ladies at court had spoken to you, sharing their experiences with childbirth—how their bodies had changed, how their husbands had sometimes seeked comfort elsewhere during those vulnerable weeks after the birth. They’d laugh softly, as if it were just a fact of life, but their words dug deep into your mind, planting seeds of doubt and fear.

You found yourself pulling away from Gwayne, unsure of how to voice your fears. He would come to you with that familiar smile, eager to talk about the babe or to spend time with you, but you would turn away, offering only brief responses, avoiding his touch.

It was not that you loved him any less—if anything, your love for him had only grown deeper—but the fear of losing him, of not being enough, was paralyzing.

One night, as you lay beside him in bed, the silence stretched on longer than usual. Gwayne finally turned to you, concern evident in his voice. “Darling, what’s wrong? You’ve been so distant lately. Have I done something to upset you?”

You stared up at the ceiling, your heart pounding in your chest. You didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to reveal the insecurities that had taken hold of you. But Gwayne was insistent, turning onto his side and taking your hand in his. “Please, my love. Talk to me.”

The words came slowly, hesitantly, as you struggled to express your feelings. “I… I’ve heard the other ladies at court talk,” you began, whispering.

“About how their bodies changed after childbirth, how they couldn’t… couldn’t be with their husbands for weeks, sometimes longer. And how their husbands…” You swallowed hard, unable to finish the thought.

Gwayne’s grip on your hand tightened as he waited for you to continue, his eyes fixed on your face, his worry deepening.

“They said their husbands sought comfort in other women,” you finally confessed, your voice breaking. “In whores. And I—I’m afraid, Gwayne. I’m afraid that I’ll change, that I won’t be… enough for you anymore. That you’ll look elsewhere.”

For a moment, there was silence. You didn’t dare look at him, too ashamed of the words you had spoken. But then Gwayne did something you didn’t expect. He started to laugh—a soft, warm chuckle that caught you off guard.

You turned to him, confused and a little hurt. “Gwayne, this isn’t funny—”

“No, no, it’s not that,” he said quickly, his laughter fading as he saw the tears in your eyes. He leaned in, brushing his lips against your forehead. “It’s just… the thought of me with anyone else is absurd. My love, you are my heart, my soul. There is no one in this world who could ever compare to you.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he silenced you with a gentle kiss. “Listen to me,” he said, his tone serious now. “You are the only woman I want, the only woman I will ever want. The idea of seeking pleasure in someone else when I have you is ridiculous. Those other men—they’re fools. I would never betray you, never.”

You felt a rush of relief at his words, though the doubt still lingered. “But what if—”

“No what-ifs,” Gwayne interrupted, his hand moving to cup your cheek. “I swear to you, on every star in the sky, that I will never stray. And if any man tells you differently, I’ll knock his teeth out.”

A small laugh escaped you, despite yourself. Gwayne grinned, his eyes twinkling as he saw the smile return to your face. “See? There’s that smile I love so much. You’re going to be a wonderful mother, and we’re going to be a wonderful family. No matter what changes, I’ll be right here, by your side.”

That night, the two of you found solace in each other, and as you drifted off to sleep, you felt the fears that had plagued you begin to disappear, replaced by the strength of your bond and the love you shared.

---

A few weeks later, you, Gwayne, and Daeron sat at the dining table, enjoying a simple meal. Daeron was telling you about his day, his young face alight with enthusiasm as he described his lessons and adventures. You smiled fondly at him, listening intently as he spoke about a new bird he had seen in the gardens.

“And then it swooped down, right in front of me! I almost thought it would land on my shoulder like the falcons do on their keepers,” Daeron said, eyes wide with excitement.

Gwayne chuckled, ruffling the boy’s hair. You laughed softly, reaching out to squeeze Daeron’s hand. “You’re already quite the little adventurer. Perhaps one day you’ll ride with your uncle on his journeys.”

Daeron’s face lit up at the thought, and he looked eagerly at Gwayne. “Will you take me with you one day, Uncle?”

Gwayne smiled, “One day, certainly. But I’m afraid I have to leave again in three days’ time for an important matter in Blackcrown. I’ll only be gone for a month, maybe less.”

You felt a pang of worry at his words, though you did your best to hide it. You had hoped he wouldn’t need to leave again so soon, but you understood the responsibilities that came with his position. “Just promise me you’ll be back well before the babe is due,” you said. “I don’t want to have to deliver without you.”

Gwayne took your hand across the table, squeezing it reassuringly. “I’ll be back in plenty of time, I promise. Nothing could keep me from being here for you and our child.”

Daeron looked between the two of you, his eyes filled with a mix of concern and curiosity. “You’ll come back safe, right, Uncle?”

“Of course, Daeron,” Gwayne replied with a warm smile. “I’ll be back before you even have time to miss me.”

True to his word, Gwayne departed three days later. You and Daeron saw him off, Daeron clutching his uncle’s hand until the very last moment, and you pressing a kiss to Gwayne’s lips, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in your heart. As Gwayne rode away, you couldn’t help but feel a little sadness, but you reminded yourself that he would be back soon, that everything would be alright.

In the days and weeks that followed, you busied yourself with preparations for the babe. You spent hours knitting tiny clothes and blankets, imagining the child that would soon be in your arms. Daeron often kept you company, helping you with small tasks or just sitting nearby, chatting about his day.

One afternoon, you decided to take a walk in the woods with Daeron. The two of you had grown close over the years, and you cherished the bond you shared. As you walked along the familiar paths, Daeron spoke of his lessons.

“Auntie,” he began after a moment of comfortable silence.

Just as you were about to respond, a sharp, sudden pain shot through your abdomen, stealing your breath. You gasped, clutching at your belly as the pain intensified, bringing you to your knees.

“Auntie?” Daeron’s voice was laced with panic as he rushed to your side. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

The pain was unbearable, radiating through your entire body. You could barely find the words, but you managed to gasp, “Daeron, get help. Quickly.”

Daeron hesitated, his face pale with fear, but then he nodded. “I’ll be right back. Stay here, I’ll get help.” With that, he sprinted back toward the keep, his small legs carrying him as fast as they could.

You were left alone in the woods, the cold earth beneath you as the pain continued to wrack your body. You knew, deep down, that something was terribly wrong. Fear gripped you as you realized you might be losing the baby. Your heart ached with the thought, but there was nothing you could do except wait.

By the time help arrived, the miscarriage had already happened. The maids and guards who found you tried to help, but the damage was done. The life that had been growing inside you was gone, leaving you with an overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness.

Ignoring the advice of the maesters, who urged you to rest and be carried back to the keep, you walked on your own, numb to the world around you. The only thing on your mind was the baby you had lost and how Gwayne would react when he found out. You couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the disappointment in his eyes, even though you knew it wasn’t your fault.

Once you reached the keep, you went straight to the nursery. The small room that had been filled with so much hope and joy now felt empty and desolate. You sat down on the edge of the small bed, your hands trembling as you picked up the half-finished blanket you had been knitting for the babe.

Days passed in a blur. You couldn’t bring yourself to leave the nursery or eat. The maids came and went, offering food and kind words, but you paid them no mind. The world outside the nursery seemed to fade away, leaving you alone with your grief.

Daeron was the only one who could get through to you, even if just a little. He would visit you every day, sitting beside you and talking about anything and everything. His presence was a small comfort, a reminder that you were not entirely alone, even in your darkest moments.

One afternoon, Daeron came to the nursery as usual. He looked at you with concern. “Auntie, you have to eat something. The maesters say it’s important. Uncle Gwayne wouldn’t want you to get sick.”

You shook your head, still clutching the blanket. “I’m not hungry, Daeron. I just… I can’t.”

Daeron sighed, sitting down beside you. “I know you’re sad. I miss the babe too, even though I never got to meet them. But Uncle Gwayne will be back today. Maybe… maybe he can help you feel better.”

You didn’t respond, the weight of your grief pressing down on you. But Daeron’s words lingered in your mind. Gwayne was coming home. You weren’t sure how you would face him, how you would tell him about the baby, but you knew you couldn’t avoid it forever.

Daeron leaned in and gave you a hug, his small arms wrapped around you tightly. “I love you, auntie. And Uncle Gwayne does too. Don’t forget that.”

His simple words brought tears to your eyes, and you hugged him back. “I love you too, Daeron. Thank you.”

Daeron smiled up at you, his eyes full of warmth and understanding. He squeezed your hand before standing up to leave. “I’ll go and make sure everything is ready for Uncle Gwayne’s return. I’ll come back later, alright?”

You nodded, watching as he left the room. Alone again, you stared down at the blanket in your lap, running your fingers over the soft fabric. You had poured so much love into this tiny piece of cloth, and now it felt like a cruel reminder of what you had lost.

Hours later, you heard footsteps approaching the nursery. Your heart clenched with a mix of dread and longing. The door creaked open, and Gwayne entered, his expression filled with concern and urgency.

“My love?” His voice was soft, but it was filled with worry. He rushed to your side, kneeling before you as he gently took your hands in his. “Daeron told me… told me what happened.”

The tears you had been holding back finally spilled over, and you couldn’t stop them. “I lost the babe, Gwayne,” you choked out, your voice breaking. “I’m so sorry… I’m so, so sorry.”

Gwayne’s eyes filled with pain, but he quickly pulled you into his arms, holding you close as you wept. “Shh, it’s not your fault, my love. You have nothing to be sorry for,” he murmured, his voice soothing as he stroked your hair.

“I feel like I failed you,” you sobbed, clinging to him as if he were the only thing keeping you grounded. “I couldn’t protect our child…”

Gwayne pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his own filled with unwavering love and determination. “Love, listen to me. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You could never fail me, and this… this is not your fault. It was beyond our control, and I don’t blame you for a single moment.”

You searched his face, looking for any hint of disappointment or anger, but all you found was love and compassion. He kissed your forehead, his lips lingering there as he whispered, “We’re still young, my love. We have time, and we will have children—many, I hope. But right now, all that matters is you. I’m here for you, and we’ll get through this together.”

His words were like a balm to your wounded heart, easing some of the pain that had consumed you. You nodded, resting your head against his chest as you let out a shuddering breath. “I love you, Gwayne,” you whispered.

“And I love you,” he replied, holding you tightly. “More than anything in this world. We will get through this, I promise you that.”

Gwayne held you close for what felt like an eternity, letting you cry, letting you release the pain you’d been holding onto since the miscarriage. His presence was a steady comfort, a reminder that you weren’t alone, that he would be there for you no matter what.

After a long while, Gwayne pulled back slightly, brushing the tears from your cheeks with his thumb. “Come, my love,” he said gently. “Let’s get you out of here. We don’t have to stay in this room. We can go anywhere you’d like—anywhere that will bring you peace.”

You hesitated, looking around the nursery. The room had once been a place of joy and anticipation, but now it felt suffocating, a reminder of the loss you had suffered. You nodded slowly, realizing that staying here would only prolong your grief.

“Alright,” you whispered, letting him help you to your feet. You wavered slightly, still feeling weak, but Gwayne was there to steady you, his arm wrapped securely around your waist.

As you left the nursery together, you found yourself leaning on Gwayne more than ever before. He didn’t mind, guiding you gently through the halls of the keep, away from the place that had brought you so much pain. He led you to your chambers, where a fire had been lit, casting a warm, comforting glow over the room.

Gwayne helped you sit by the fire, then knelt beside you, taking your hands in his again. “You don’t have to be strong right now,” he said softly. “Let me take care of you.”

You nodded, too drained to argue, too weary to pretend that you could handle this on your own. Gwayne stayed by your side, talking to you quietly, telling you stories from his travels, stories meant to distract you, to bring a small smile to your face. He was patient, understanding, never pushing you to talk about the miscarriage, but always offering comfort in whatever way he could.

A few days later, when you had gathered enough strength to leave your chambers, Gwayne took you out to the gardens. The air was crisp, and the scent of blooming flowers filled your senses. It was a welcome change from the stifling atmosphere of the keep.

As you walked together, Gwayne kept his arm around you, his presence a steady reassurance. You were quiet for a while, lost in your thoughts, but eventually, Gwayne broke the silence.

“Do you remember the first time we walked through these gardens?” he asked, a hint of a smile in his voice.

You looked up at him, nodding slowly. “I do. You tried to impress me with your knowledge of every flower and plant.”

He chuckled softly. “And I failed miserably, didn’t I? You knew more about the flowers than I did.”

“You were charming, though,” you admitted, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I fell in love with you that day.”

Gwayne’s smile widened, and he pressed a kiss to your temple. “And I’ve been falling in love with you every day since.”

As you continued to walk, you felt some of the tension ease from your shoulders. The pain of losing the babe was still there, and you knew it would take time to heal, but with Gwayne by your side, you felt a glimmer of hope.

Later that evening, as you sat by the fire in your chambers, Gwayne brought out a small wooden box. “I have something for you,” he said, his tone soft, almost hesitant.

You looked at him curiously as he handed you the box. When you opened it, you found a delicate necklace inside, the pendant a small, intricately carved locket.

“It belonged to my mother,” Gwayne explained. “She gave it to me before she passed, and I’ve kept it all these years. I was waiting for the right moment to give it to you.”

Tears welled in your eyes as you looked at the beautiful locket, your heart swelling with emotion. “Gwayne, it’s beautiful,” you whispered.

He took the locket from the box and fastened it around your neck, his fingers brushing against your skin as he did so. “I wanted you to have something that reminds you that you’re never alone,” he said, his voice filled with tenderness. “Whenever you feel lost, or when the grief feels too much, just remember that I’m here, and that I’ll always be here.”

You touched the locket, feeling the cool metal beneath your fingers, and nodded. “Thank you,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “I’ll treasure it always.”

Gwayne smiled, as he leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, a kiss that was filled with the promise of a future together, a future that, despite the loss you had endured, would still be full of love and hope.

In that moment, you knew that with Gwayne by your side, you could face whatever challenges life threw your way. The grief would not disappear overnight, and the road to healing would be long, but you would walk it together, hand in hand, and eventually, you would find peace.

P.S: i’m sorry my paragraphs look so separated but I have bad eyesight and I can’t read it well if I don’t separate lmao

[misfitgirlwrites]

Lucifer Having A Crush On You/How Would He React?

I'm not biased, I'm not biased, I'm not biased, I'm not biased, I'M NOT--

It's time for my fictional love and life and all I hold dear in my daydreams. Bitches, bros, nonbinary hoes, and genderfluid fucks, I present to you the Big Dick in Charge

I may reference works that I've read and when I do I'll drop their @ and link to their story it is law that you read it if you read mine, I don't make the rules

CW: none, slightly angsty but nothing too intense!

Alright, doves, this is post-season one. Lucifer now resides in the hotel with everyone and is slowly adjusting to being graced with Alejandro's Alastor's presence every day.

Let's be honest, our baby pays attention but puts in minimal effort. Saying that the days went by in a blur would be an understatement. Even conversations would be forgotten after a few short moments. On to the next task. Full focus on this thing. Once that's done? Well onto the next task! No tasks? Free time to spend with Charlie!

Things would start slow, and to really interact, you'd most likely start to approach him first. Maybe you've spent long enough watching the blond anxiously bounce around the hotel and graciously give himself a bit too much for even the Big Boss of Hell.

A timid approach from you, offering to help with whatever he's currently doing. Maybe you make snacks for everyone in the hotel and hand him his personally :)

And so it begins! A greeting here, a greeting there, slightly awkward conversations that slowly start to feel less forced with the little information you learn about each other along the way.

It's...nice! Refreshing! Lucifer would be more excited than anything and talking to you would become a part of his regular routine without much thought on the matter. You'd occasionally be on his mind just a little more, and he'd start to seek you out himself too.

I know you're already seeking him out. Bitch I'M seeking him out.

Helping with chores around the hotel quickly turns into simply enjoying the other's company.

One day you gift him his very own ceramic duck! You could have paid for it from somewhere or made it yourself.

Either way, he'd fucking LOVE it! Honestly, if you decide to try your hand at making it, he'd love it even more with all the rough edges and little bumps (it was made out of love for my babies who never touched clay in their lives)

In response, please expect many gifts in return. I like to think it's been a while since he's gotten a genuine gift like this

(Bonus headcanon: Charlie will see this and will come to you the next day with a list of things she wants to gift him and you two are unofficially officially the Buy Lucifer Anything Duck-Themed duo)

Lucifer loves how you react when he gifts you your very own rubber duck. Your smile and happiness always seemed contagious to him. It only led to him making/getting you more things.

You will have a rubber duck collection by the end of this, but what can you really say? Each one of them is based on something you mentioned before. A movie character, a book character, a cartoon character, even friends or family members if they were mentioned. The gesture is way too sweet for you to turn down, even if it is the 30th duck you've received.

Now prepare for what I like to call the "get along t-shirt" phase but both parties are willing LMAO.

Lucifer will be by your side as long as you'll accept the company and if you're reading this and we brain the same, that will be all the time.

I love the GenZ!Reader memes and fics. Someone show this man bacon pancakes and if it was already done, SHOW ME.

Between his relationship with Charlie and with you, Lucifer actually feels the need and wants to be a little more present bit by bit. He notices that he is spending less time in his head, but he continues on in fear of fucking it up if he thinks too hard about it.

So instead he'll 100% focus on the little familiarity of happiness, as small as those moments may be sometimes. This is EXACTLY why the thought of him potentially feeling romantic interest again goes right over his head.

Who notices first, you ask? Charlie, of course. You slowly but surely became one of his main topics in conversation, it wasn't hard for her to pick up on it and ask.

Baby boy would straight up deny it at first. Him?? Liking someone else??? LMAO, am I right? Of course, after he does this, he'll have the time to actually pay attention to his actions.

So then he'll notice how excited he is every morning knowing that you'll be the first face he sees. He'll notice how he managed to fit you into any task he had to do. When he'd get lunch for himself and Charlie he'd have the automatic thought of making something for you as well. Even when the day was over, he'd be thinking about spending the next day with you. To be frank, you were constantly on his mind. 

Once he notices it's a big mental "fuck". Nothing about you is wrong of course, it's him, or so he thinks.

Let's start with the elephant in the room, or shall I say the ring on his finger lmao

In Lucifer's mind, he's still married technically. Even thinking about it in a technical term was a new development and it made him feel absolutely horrible. Lilith left, sure, but who knows what happened? Regardless of how he felt, he didn't want to hurt her.

But at the same time what about him? Lucifer hasn't been happy in a long time and he's finally building that again, not just with Charlie, but with you as well. He didn't want to just cut you out, he didn't want to hurt you either.

Plus, did you even like him? How would he even approach you? If he wanted to, even after thinking about everything.

Who was he kidding, of course, he still wanted you!

@liveontelevision *drops to my knees and bows* they worded it extremely well here and if you're reading this but you haven't read this already or you clicked the link then clicked back here, go back and read it. I don't care how long it is. Do the thing then come back.

Welcome back. It was good, wasn't it? I know.

The only awkward period for you two is the week-long contemplation of everything (half him attempting not to do what he always does when stressed but by the time he realizes he already made like 30 ducks--)

He would clearly go out of his way to either try and talk to you or avoid you. Or a cute mixture of both where he makes a scene approaching you, realizes he's not ready yet, then makes a scene so he can disappear *finger guns*

A little crisis here, a few little rubber ducks there, and a looooonnnggg conversation with Charlie and Maggie Vaggie.

Those are the ingredients to a semi-stable Lucifer with enough bravado to talk to you normally again.

He'd apologize for the times he basically pulled a Houdini in your face and he'd explain himself fully, all while also confessing his love for you.

It's choppy, it's fast-paced in some areas, and the poor blond was ready to disappear at any given moment, but that's what made it so real for you.

The weight that's lifted off of him couldn't be described, and neither could the joy that welled in him the moment he saw your beautiful smile and heard nothing but your acceptance and love.

What an emotional roller-coaster, am I right?

Lucifer Taglist: @alastorssimp @saints-wrapped-in-plastic @heart-of-the-morningstar

Requests are open! If you'd like to be tagged in future Lucifer or Hazbin Hotel content, please let me know! My asks and DMs are open to all!

[leakyrocktarot]

Current Energy: BTS & FS

DISCLAIMER: It's all for fun, take it with a metric fuck ton of salt or don't - Idk I just work here... This reading is going to be long, dead ass did not intend for it to be that way but well- here we are i guess.

Never thought I'd be doing this again lmao, enjoy! Damn I'm rusty also, this post is 17,732 words and 96,943 characters, I'm not proofreading omg.

Jimin:

The Fool rx, 4oS, 4oP, PoC rx, AoP rx, 6oS, 9oP.

It seems as though, he is currently uninterested in any new ventures. It could be that the universe, his guides, god, whomst ever the fuck you want to call the powers at be are trying to encourage him to take a leap of blind faith, to follow the whim of nature however, he does not feel ready at this point in time. He'd much rather focus his energy in recovery, getting back to himself than to take on something new at the moment. Conversely he might be resisting this change, causing friction within himself because there is something he is holding onto, coveting if you will, that he may be aware that he needs to release it but- is again not yet ready for that. Picture a dragon hoarding emeralds going "NO! my preciouses" in a gollum voice and there you have it. This friction he is causing himself is preventing new people to enter his life, be it life long friendships, partnerships, business relations or- romance. He may also be experiencing a lull in communication with those close to him, and with the ace of pentacles reversed, it could be that he is in need of these connections and advice but doesn't want to overstep on the chance of being told "you need to let go dude". Thankfully, all though it is slow and arduous, he is making his way out of this energy, slowly but surely "returning to safer waters". All in all, even though he is in his lil gremlin era, he is still thriving, still reaping the benefits and fruits of his labor. He knows he's still the shit.

2oP rx, PoS rx, KnoP rx, 8oW rx, Chariot, Devil rx, 3oW, 4oS, KoC rx.

Oof, we got an over thinker over here folks. So, towards Chimmy, this guy is overthinking central. Have you ever wondered where your overthunk thoughts went? Well, it's here lmao just kidding. He feels confused, unbalanced, out of alignment, really really missing the communication here- I fear bad news may be involved or- OR- because of the lack of communication, signs, the silence has him overthinking that something wrong happened. Either he did something wrong that affected this connection or that something happened to Chimmy seems to be his chief worry. He might be overthinking about the "delay" he's causing with the friction he has in the first part, probably over worrying himself sick thinking that it's something he's currently doing that led to this radio silence. Unbeknownst to him, it's actually the opposite. The energy is exactly where it needs to be right now and they are making strides in their life, physically but mostly spiritually. What they are both doing is taking themselves forward without really knowing it, literally purging and healing without being aware of it. It seems as though he is, through this "cleaning up his act" in a sense. All he has to do at this very moment is to look towards the sun, what's on the horizon, know that his "ships" are on it's way and the act of him resting, taking care of his vessel and putting more focus on that is what is aligning him to that energy. At the bottom of the deck is the king of cups reversed which is more indicative of his mindset and how he feels about himself than anything. He is really overthinking his self worth and his place in Chimmy's life, whether or not he is the right one or if he's capable of handling something like this. Perhaps he's thinking he has to become a "family man" instantaneously but- that is not what the energy dictates or requires lmao he just needs to take a chill pill and juh lih vihbe.

Camel, Griffin, Eagle, Salamander, Cardinal, Kangaroo

The straw that broke the camels back, *insert uncle rukus theme song here*. Lmaooo anywho, the camel is regarded for its ability to take on long, long, journeys, storing water in their humps, their robust physiology and their ability to raw dog cacti. Whereas griffin is about the superconcious. To ME, this reads as the long process and journey to becoming more aware of oneself and the world around them. It is as though, he is a straw away from that back getting cracked and epiphanies come spewing out of him. He is in a moment where he has to find the balance between the dark and the light, the dark being over thinking, anxious thoughts, and the light being literal enlightenment and mindfulness. The eagle is regarded for it's ability to soar so high and view everything from that great vantage point. They are great important spiritual symbols in almost all sects which, is why they are broadly considered messages of the divine, protectors and a sign to look at the bigger image. The salamander is about alchemy and harnessing your inner flame. It's so fun when the intuitive ping gets confirmed by the cards lmao. He, like I said, is on his way to alchemizing this current energy and turning it into something wildly in his favor. It is possible that through this, he will connect with his spiritual team, mainly ancestors to gain a broader view of things that will then allow him to set his soul ablaze. While it is important to notice and keep on eye on the dead pixel on the screen, it is equally important to zoom out and look at the broader picture lest you get consumed by the darkness. Cardinals are a regarded as divine messengers as well, more notably as a sign that you have a visitor from above, while kangaroos are regarded for their raw power and vitality. I couldn't even make this up if I wanted to. It's more of a confirmation that opening himself up to the other side of things, letting his walls come down gives him a boost in vital energy that will fuel his next cycle. Good for him.

His songs are Bug Like an Angel by Mitski, Kid & Leveret by Yaeklore, RUNNING OUT OF TIME by Tyler, The Creator

Chimmy:

7oS rx, 7oC, KoP rx, Death, AoC, Fool rx, KnoW, QoC, 8oC, Judgement, Magician, 6oS, QoP, QoS rx, KnoS.

You got caught with your hand in the cookie jar didntcha? Lmao so, it seems as though, Chimmy got caught in some schemes. To me, it reads as though there was something they were trying to get away with doing something, possibly was trying to get away with not making a decision but- you can't have your cake and eat it too. They are in need to withdraw themselves, focus this unfocused and untethered energy into themselves. They may be looking for the answer or solution to their problem outside of themselves but the problem is, with it being outside of themselves, it seems much bigger and more innumerable than it truly is. If they can withdraw this energy within themselves, focus it onto themselves, they will be fine. It seems as though this problem may be work related, they could either be the boss with a ton of workers that are stressing them out for whatever reason or have a boss that is practically incompetent at their job with the iq of a molded mushroom. It feels more like the latter to be honest as there is a slight stench in the air that smells like power imbalance and manipulation. It's not for long though, with the death card here, it indicates that there is something ended soon within their energy that will make way for something new, its so funny that the card immediately after the death card is an ace card which also marks the start of a journey. With the card specifically being of the cups suit, this may be something that is highly emotional, self serving and possibly romantic. However, funnily enough the two cards are followed by the fool card in the reverse which leads me to believe that they are currently mirroring the same energy that Jimin is in. Either the fear or inability to take that leap of faith into a brand new cycle. It seems like the both of them has a specific step they need to take to round this energy out to a complete close so something new can take it's place. The energy for Chimmy however is interesting and rather funny because even though there is something stopping them from taking that full leap of faith, they still want to "do it for the plot". It seems like that "yolo" energy is clashing with the energy that their spiritual team wants or needs them to be in. It seems like- rather than an impulsive daredevil kind of energy, a more calculated and intentional energy is required. Other than that, they have all of what they need to step forward. They are in tune with their emotions, ready to take that next step and leave behind their house of cards if that is what's needed but, it seems like they need to judge themselves, their progress, their readiness, their growth, their healing before the door can be opened. Do they deem themselves prepared for whats next or do they need a wrap around? Spiritually, their spirit team do deem them as ready and capable. They have mastered the energy of the suits and are in a massively creative energy, they have what it takes and are willing to give what is needed to make that move to calmer things, they are stable and in touch with their feminine energy (everyone has divine feminine and masculine energy, it does not relate to gender, it just means one is receiving and one is go getting) the only blockage that can be seen here is their mindset. Unable to see themselves as they are and might be in a totally soured mood, enough to cloud their view of things. Regardless, they are going to tear the walls off with how dummy fast they're gonna peel off towards the things they want when that energy clears. Side note, it seems as though they are aware of Jimin and his current state too which is interesting hehe.

PoC rx, World, Chariot, AoS, 8oP, Star, 5oP rc, 10oP.

Okurrr, pop awf. It seems as though- they're hiding whatever this energy is from others hehe. The page of cups here is giving more of a bashful "hehe, don't tell anyone" SO I won't hehe. Other than that, it seems as though they are indeed working on closing out these cycles, so that they can make proper and swift moves towards something that they were made aware of- it's possible that they got a message from the divine or an intuitive ping to work in this specific area of life. They are working really hard to achieve their hopes and dreams and doing all that they can to retain hope while also getting that bread up. It seems as though their end goal is material and generational wealth that they can share, it also feels as though there is a focus on having human things like- a house, family, etc.

World, Lion, Okapi, Giraffe, Swallow, Skunk.

Wow, double confirmation with two different world cards. However, this card is, in fact, different from the tarot meaning SO- The world is about shadow work and unearthing ones true potential, the lion is regarded as the divine masculine, pride, and the father. What they might be unearthing is their divine masculine energy, the energy that is active, the one that goes out and achieves what the feminine directs. They may be feeling as though they are in a pressure chamber in the core of earth having to excavate this energy from themselves and for themselves but, because it is lion, pride, and the father, it will be a relatively easy feat. All they must do is literally take pride in who they are. The shadow aspect of the card may indicate that their disconnect to this energy comes from an uncomfortable relationship with a father figure, perhaps this energy reminds them of their fraternal parental figure and it's something they avoid or feel uncomfortable in. Once they realize that their fathers fire can be used to keep them warm, they'll be on easy street. The interesting part is Okapi and Giraffe! Okapi is heralded as a fated event, meeting, or the higher meaning behind things while the Giraffe has an interesting view with it's head in the clouds and it's feel firmly planted on the ground. It's giving delulu is the solulu. They have what they want to happen in mind and they're making it happen by staying grounded while in their manic pixie dream person era. The swallow gives us hope as to sailors they are the first sign that they are at the end of their journey, while the skunk reminds us that we have alternate solutions to the problems we may face. To draw this reading to a close, it seems as though Chimmy has finally reached the end of their journey, they are filled with hope and optimism for what is next as they can see what is on the horizon, knowing that they are never truly stuck, that they have many, many solutions available to them at all times. It seems as though they've come to realize or are going to realize their tried and true methods aren't the right tool for the job. Good on them!

Their songs are Breathin by Ariana Grande, bellyache by Billie Eilish, Animal by Noah Kahan.

Songs they want to send to each other

Jimin: Neath the grove is a heart by Yaeklore, I THINK by Tyler, The Creator, Lost in Time and Space by Lord Huron, Glue Myself Shut by Noah Kahan, Working for the Knife by Mitski, Revival by Zach Bryan.

Chimmy: bellyache by Billie Eilish, Maine by Noah Kahan, When She Smiles by Gigi Perez, In the Night by The Weeknd, The Only Heartbreaker by Mitski, ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? by Tyler, The Creator

V:

9oC, KoP rx, 4oP, KoS, 7oS rx, 3oW, 7oW, 6oP, 2oW.

He wants it to be known that he is doing well, so well in fact that he's let himself go. He's let himself be less uptight and anal in a way. He's not too focused on being overly stable, he deems himself to be fiscally stable and responsible, not the type to gamble or squander. He's incredibly perceptive as he is now, he stands on both authority and business, you cannot lie, hide, or get away with or pull one over on him for shit. It's like he went from caring too much of what people thought of him, to being utterly free and not caring at all while being this composed person. He has his eyes set on something, he seems to be rather excited and looking towards the future here, it reads as though he is setting the stage to house someting that he is protective over. It definitely feels as though he has had an upgrade recently mentally wise. It also feels as though he has something he wants to share, something that he wants to give freely. I do see here that he may have an eye on the past here, perhaps reminiscing on some past experiences that he’s had before. I have a feeling that he might have some sort of surprise that he is aware will change the directory of his life in terms of how people view him. 

Wheel of fortune, 6oP rx, KoP rx, 10oW, QoW rx, Devil, KnoS, 6oC rx, 10oS, 3oS

When the wheel came out I could’ve sworn that it was the world because I heard “we’re done” so- to me that reads as though our boi might be in a defeatist attitude even though things are still up for debate, the wheel has yet to turn and it is still within their favor. It seems as though he holds some guilt over not being giving or generous enough, pentacles are earth energy and are usually related to money, and finances but it is also heavily related to earthly matters especially time. What I’m reading feels more like a channeled message and story line so I’ll try my best to convey it. He feels guilty for hoarding his resources, his time, his effort, he feels- no, he knows he could’ve done better, could’ve been a more grounded and stable person for Tata but, because of the heaps of weight on his shoulders, his responsibilities at the time as well as his own emotional baggage he couldn’t really give Tata what they needed from him. He feels remorse because he felt like in a way he forced their hand for him to rely on them, it feels as though he felt like he sapped their energy and personality being so caught up in his own world, unable to see out of his own ass. It seems as though, with the devil he might’ve feel into addictive and unhealthy behaviours to cope. He recognized that it was slowly becoming, in his eyes, something close to being toxic and made the “logical” choice to separate, however I feel as though there is something that he has yet to see within this energy. I hope there is more information on Tata’s side. The absence of Tata however, forced him to remove the rose coloured glasses, to face reality instead of living in a dream like state. It for sure hurt, quite a bit, and he did try to distract himself from it as there is this avoidant energy here but, unfortunately you can’t run from yourself. He’s currently going through the healing process, I suspect that this is what spurred on the mental upgrade. 

Friend, Elephant, Rabbit, Hawk, Snail, Wolf.

A friend can show us the truth, the mirrors and offer sound advice, the elephant shows us the obstacles we face, the strength they require, enhance our wisdome and endurance all while being majestic. It seems to me that currently he has the help of a valuable friend, someone that he can gain insight from, one that tells him the truth as is and offers advice to the best of their abilities, as well as someone whos life currently mirrors his own. People are often a mirror for ourselves and this friend is no different, they might be experiencing something similar to what V is experiencing which allows himself to view his situation from a different pov. Even so, the obstacle that he is facing is surely as large as an elephant and frustrating to navigate around however, as with the wheel of fortune, elephants symbolize good luck. Rabbits are masters of fast paced changes, decision making, and knowing when to act, while the hawk guides us with intelligence, independence, adaptability and clarity. There is an energy around him where he needs to make swift decisions, taking fast action towards something, with the help of his hawk buddy this is made possible by the knowledge that is shared. Conversely, he might be making decisions way to quickly to discern whether or not he has viewed whichever situation as accurately and clearly as possible. Snails are all about slow and steady progress, especially on the right path, and wolves awaken our intuition, remind us of our silent observation of the shadows. Currently he is on the right path, there is no doubt about that, it’s just slow and full of effort however, there is still something here that isn’t as it seems with the wolf being present, he is being asked to really reconsider the way he walks his path, it doesn’t have to be this hard. This sneaky lil bastard lodged two cards under my desk so,bonus cards: Unicorn and Kangaroo. There is something special coming his way, something that he is unable to see considering the cards before and where these cards fell. This is something that will definitely strengthen him, add more steam to his boat.

His songs are When She Smiles by Gigi Perez, Bug Like an Angel by Mitski, Wait by the River by Lord Huron “Baby, I don’t mean the things I said” and TV by Billie Eilish “All my friends are missing again, that’s what happens when you fall in love. You don’t have the time, you leave them behind, You tell yourself it’s fine you’re just in love”

Tata:

PoP, 3oW rx, AoW rx, 6oS rx, KoS, Star rx, QoP, 4oW rx, 9oC, 4oS rx, Tower rx, 10oP.

Another rather heavy energy here. It seems as though they have decided to embark on a journey of self discovery, perhaps they have enrolled in classes and are taking this time to rediscover their passions, their hopes and dreams and the career life they want. It feels as though they have recently returned from a trip and are no longer in an energy of wanting yet there is hesitation and a blockage here preventing them from fully moving forward with any plans. It seems as though they might have some trouble in coming as there is something they have yet to face. They've reach the point of having no where else to run and must face the leviathan in the sea. The problem is- because they are in a stubborn and refusing energy, not wanting to face their problems, they've become someone that is a bit too logical and emotionally detached from themselves possibly others as the other cards indicate a not so warm welcome home. It feels here that they are really, really questioning their life, their hope, their faith, and their place in it all. It seems as though they have a bad knack for focussing on the negative, amplifying situations in their mind to be worse that it is. Sort of like- already being depressed but engaging in thoughts and behaviours that you know make you depressed because you've found solace and comfort in being depressed. Other than that though, they do have this energy that they are exploring this nurturing side to them. Perhaps they have a pet or recently got a new pet and are spending a lot of time with them, redecorating their home to feel better and lighten the rooms, or enjoying their own presence and being home. With the four of wands in the reversed position being a direct just from the three of wands in the reversed position, I have the feeling that they expected a warm welcoming upon their arrival home- but they faced hostility instead. It seems as though there were some ties cut, be it familial or platonic. They aren't going to let this bring them further down as to me it reads as though who ever this was made comments about their success in a negative light but, they know better than to let that get to them because they are the most successful and achieved person in their family with many notable accolades possibly having a level of fame to their name. It seems as though here, with the four of swords and tower both in the reversed position, they are keeping themselves busy and moving in efforts to avoid the inner work needed which is going to cause the event of the tower falling more violent and devastating than needed almost exactly mirroring V in his own tower moment of realizations. Nevertheless, this tower moment is meant to till the land and make way for new fertile soil so that the new seeds that they plant do not rot in the ground. They are experiencing the setting of the stage to experience an ancestral pay out, they are going to receive something truly generational as it does seem some massive generational curses are being broken through this time.

Justice, 9oW rx, PoC, 4oW, 7oW, PoP rx, 9oS, 6oP, Everything is fine rx, Devil rx, 3ow.

As I was pulling the cards, someone drove past my window very obviously yelling into their phone so- I think that is an accurate description of what this energy is like, it's like a quiet anger, a disagreement here. Starting off with justice, it seems as though Tata is doing their best to judge this situation as fair as possible. If it were the queen of swords per say, it would indicate a level of jadedness however, the justice card is the more judicially fair card in the deck. If they do harbor an air of jadedness or resentment, they are able to put it aside and call out their own faults fairly. I get the feeling that, because of whatever went down between the two of them, Tata might want to surrender this connection, to let it go in hopes that someone else will come along with better prospects, more to offer and connect over however- it does feel like they may be at war with themselves over this as they're not yet willing to call it quits. It seems as though they worry that if they were to let this go, it would affect their journey and earthly life in ways they can't comprehend. The thought keeps them up at night but, that's because it's a cycle of overthinking, a way to avoid facing the issues at hand. They seem to have this very avoidant type of energy, one that does not want to face their own shadows because it's too scary. They try really hard to be the sweetest of buns but, that can only be possible if and when they face their own internal issues. I get the feeling that the recurrent thought that they have is "if only he'd be more thoughtful everything would be fine" which- to me is a loaded statement. Mainly because the cards here indicate miscommunications, misunderstandings, and a heavy lack of communication. Everything would, in fact, not be fine, because they are both gripped by their own vices, their own minds, their own addictions and binds to things that they believe make them feel good but actually hurt them more. What Tata doesn't see however, is that there is something, someone, off in the distance rebuilding the land.

Crow, Camel, Doe, Friend, Eagle, Tapir, Hen.

Crows are often a symbol of death as well as psychic abilities. They are the loyal companions to a plethora of gods and goddesses, namely Hekate and Odin. Camels are regarded for their survival through rough and impossible to pass terrains thanks to the adaptation of their physical being. It seems as though our dear friend Tata is currently being guided by Hekate and Odin through the process of death and rebirth, and the treacherous landscape of it all. When we speak of death in a metaphysical sense, we mean it metaphorically, not a corporeal death. Death in spirituality is transformation, it is letting the parts of ourselves, the shadow, the ego, fall away to make room for enlightenment. It is important to note that this process is a transformation, and alchemical step in our journey, not a complete and total death as the ego and shadow are still very much important to our physical lives. Tata is on a journey to learn what that means for them, to tackle their people pleasing tendencies and other vices. Consider it the hero's journey, like Hercules and his trials. The doe guides us to being receptive, through birth and new beginnings while a friend gives us needed and helpful advice, serving as a mirror for us to view ourselves through. As mentioned before, Tata is definitely on a healing journey, to become their most highest vibrational self, learning to be more receptive to the energy they're given, learning to allow those around them to give to them and to help fill their cup. Just as V, Tata may have a friend around them that is going through similar struggles that they are learning from. The eagle is a trusted messenger, bringing us both protection and guidance towards the bigger picture, the picture being charity and selfishness, acting in service to others as noted by the tapir, coupled with the warning of being overly submissive told to us by the hen. Tata has a bad habit of possibly submitting too much to others, forgetting themselves in the process. It seems as though this is a childhood wound. perhaps incurred by having to micromanage the world around them for the sake of peace. They are learning that, while being of service and selfishness is a good and necessary trait, that in excess can be detrimental to us in the end. Good luck to them.

Their songs are CHIHIRO by Billie Eilish, BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Billie Eilish, and Normalcy by Gigi Perez.

Songs they want to send to each other

V: Slow Down by Laufey, Lookalike by Conan Gray, Us Without Me by grentperez, rises the moon by Liana Flores, I Know You by Faye Webster (hello?), Drive by SZA.

Tata: WILDFLOWER by Billie Eilish, CHIHIRO by Billie Eilish, Real Man by Beabadoobee, Jonny by Faye Webster, Kaleidoscope by rhyu, Second Time by Bruno Major.

Jungkook:

Tower, 7oP rx, 3oP rx, Death, 10oC rx, 9oS, Empress, 7oC rx, 2oS rx, 5oC rx, 4oC, 9oW rx, 6oC

Off rip, this energy is vastly different than the other members, probably why he was more hesitant to be first when he usually wants to be first read. Secondly, because of the song, I have a huge inkling that Cooky smells like a light floral yet sweet peach scent, nothing too overwhelming but still noticeable because it compliments their aura. This man is sick, I'm talking sliding down the wall, crying beaucoup boohoo tears, pissin shittin and fartin and throwing up and all that lmao. There seems to be a lot of endings, massive things crashing down upon him, seemingly out of no where. It could be because he, or someone close to him, likely Cooky decided that something within their reality is not worth the amount of effort it takes for something. It seems like some sort of collaborative efforts have been nixed, again forcing this ending and new beginning. It doesn't feel good for him because it involves heavy, heavy grief akin to if someone close to him had died. It's as though this dream, this happy, healthy, bountiful and harmonious life he had envisioned for himself came crashing down around him. It feels as though this is heavily energetically, his physical life seems to be as is, as to be expected but internally and spiritually, boi is going through it through it. It's like he is being kept up at night, possibly experiencing nightmares or night terrors, heavy overthinking, heavy spiraling, heavy worrying. The empress here seems to be an outward energy, possibly Cooky. I get the feeling that he feels abandoned? Let go of? It feels as though the act of facing reality and having a decision be made for him on behalf of him. He feels almost insulted that he's expected to "get over it" and accept something new. This is not something that he wants but he's currently lost his will to fight for it, preferring to reminisce on what was in hopes that it'll be again.

Extended: 10oP rx, 9oS, Magician, 5oS rx, PoS rx, 2oP, KnoS rx, QoS rx, 7oS rx, Temperance rx, QoW, 6oW, KnoC rx, Hermit, Judgment, KnoW, PoC, Sun rx, Hanged man rx.

I wanted to look into this a bit more because it felt to open ended to leave it that way. He is really stressed out about his idea of an earthly life not being the way he wanted it to. He has the hope, the power to manifest and create his own reality, but, he- gosh he has no more fight in him for it. He seems to want to accept this bad news as he feels as though there was a rightful loss of opportunity and would rather go with the flow, even though he will have a heavily jaded attitude going forward that he will struggle to hide. He feels as though he is lacking perspective on this situation but, he doesn't possess the ability to think it through and see it for what it is at this current moment. He is heavily imbalanced spiritually and may potentially be indulging in self pity and other vices. He does wish for whoever this queen of wands energy is, possibly Cooky, to have success, even if it is not with him because he knows he needs time to go within himself as well as them to traverse their inner world and face their shadow selves. He does have slight hope that eventually he will be deemed as worthy, given the green light for him to start making his way back into their life. Coming forth with this childlike glee, and swift passionate energy to knock them off their feet. It feels as though he knows this outcome hinges solely on his ability to see from a new perspective, and have a healthy level of detachment.

5oC rx, AoP rx, Death, PoC, 9oC rx, 10oC rx, Emperor, Wheel of Fortune rx, Temperence rx, 7oC rx, 3oW, Hanged man rx, 8oC rx, 8oP, 6oS, 4oS, Strength, 10oP rx, 9oS, 7oW, 3oC rx, Magician, AoC, Empress, AoS.

Well fuck me... Alright so, damn. So he is trying to accept the loss, trying to accept and release the grief but, a huge part that is causing him more grief is the fear that something like this won't ever reach his physical life. He has seen this grow, falter and then die right before his eyes and now he has to let it go and let something or someone new come in and he is- not yet ready to accept it. It was something he put a lot of effort towards, something he dreamt of so much and to see it fizzle out in this way is a grief that is incomparable. I heard "What's the use of having this castle if I have no one to share it with?". It feels like- he feels as though this is just his luck, his destiny. This is all that he is worth and gets, this is how the story goes regardless of what he does in any life. He is really indulging in this grief, like- he doesn't know what to do, where to go, who to turn to. If you've seen Billie Eilish's HIT ME HARD AND SOFT album cover, that is the exact energy I'm getting. He knows he has to come to terms with the fact that he cannot further indulge in this spiritual connection, he has to return to reality, he has to look towards what is in his actually life but- he can't, he just can't, he cannot bring himself to do so. You could hang him upside down as long as you want but, this is not something that he can truly let go of. It's something he feels is so integral to him, something that he will keep chasing until the end of time. He wants to put in the time and effort into this but- he also knows that he needs to move on, that there is no future in this on his terms. He needs to rest, he needs a deep, deep mental and physical rest and break, just enough to get his strength back, enough to get the energy to start rebuilding his idea of his future life again. There is a great aversion to that idea though, it's like my heart is gripped with the grief he feels typing this out. It's like he can't let go, not yet. I saw a plastic bag rolling in the wind and honestly, it was how his energy feels, being tossed around like a ragdoll by the powers that be without much of a say or fight, like a jellyfish in the harsh currents of the ocean. The image I get with the seven of wands and the three of cups reversed is, if it were in his power he would have turned the card up himself, so that he can experience the community, the togetherness, the celebration of union but, instead its all broken engagements he faces. Despite the heavy grief that he faces, he still uses what little energy he has left to hope for and manifest for Cooky to have the love that they deserve, even if he selfishly hopes that it is home. He hopes that they do come across a new love, one that can fill their cup until it over flows, and value them as much as he does, but he also homes that they somehow become aware of this, that they- as he says "can see me spill my guts and know that this is true, I know you feel it intuitively". Throughout this reading there was a fly that was harassing me, like it had no fear of being squished, yet it never got close or stayed long enough for me to squish it. I think that is significant as it feels like part of the reason why this connection has broken is because of interference from those that do not belong within it, trying to get in and peer through.

Salamander, Wolf, Kangaroo, Hen, Okapi, Eagle, Giraffe, Alligator, Tapir, Cardnial.

Salamander teaches us to alchemize our woes, our pains, and experiences while the wolf guides us to our intuition, to silently observe. It may be that all is not what it seems. I'm getting High Priestess and Sphinx energy here, where the answer lies deeply hidden within the riddles. His task is to feel what he feels, learn to alchemize it to power through intention, and reconnect with his intuition. Perhaps this needs a second look. The Kangaroo gives us raw energy, vitality and optimism while the hen teaches us the warnings of submission. I have a feeling that the powers at be want him to find his optimism, and fight with all he has. Funnily enough I'm getting the visual of Kangaroo jack. The universe doesn't want him to give up too easily or else he'll miss out on the okapi energy. I want to note how insane this is because in the deck, Okapi and Eagle are right next to each other so for them to come out together in the same position in a reading is highly auspicious. The Okapi gives us a message of fated meetings, events, or a situation directly tied to the higher meaning of things while eagle is the one who carries this message as the designated spiritual messenger, the protector of the bigger meaning. The most important spiritual saying to remember is, if it is meant for you then it will not pass you and here we are seeing that directly. This is bound to be, it is a fated meeting and it is highly protected, the only ones who can alter that course is Jungkook and Cooky if they give in to the flies around them that is. The giraffe guides jk to have a stable and grounded "delulu is the solulu" energy. The height of the giraffe gives us the ability to see the alligator, a hidden enemy, the need for survival. He must know that someone or something is not what it seems, I have a feeling that this is the other energy trying to butt in. His intuition knows what is right, so does Cooky's, they just have to trust and follow that guidance. To close off this part of the reading, with Tapir and Cardinal, it seems as though his spiritual team wants him to step out there, they want him to act in service of others, sharing the messages and knowledge he has as it helps him to connect more to his intuition and to the spiritual visitors. This is a good note to end the reading on

His songs are First love/Late spring by Mitski, Go Solo by Tom Rosenthal, Meet Me in the City by Lord Huron, When the Night is Over by Lord Huron, The Wisps Sings by Winter Aid, Life in the City by The Lumineers, Male Fantasy by Billie Eilish heavily, The Beach by The Neighbourhood, Sally by Gigi Perez, Your Best American Girl by Mitski insanely heavily, Chest Pain (I Love) by Malcolm Todd.

Cooky:

2oP, 3oP rx, 8oC rx, AoP rx, KnoS rx, 7oS rx, 4oP, KnoP, 6oS, KnoC rx, KnoW, 4oS, 3oS rx, 6oP, 7oP rx, AoW, Everything is fine rx, QoP rx, 6oC, QoC, 5oC Rx, Strength, Fool rx, 10oW rx, KoP, 9oC rx, Hermit, PoC, 8oW rx, QoW, KoC, 9oS, Death, 2oS rx, 10oS rx, 10oP rx, 10oC rx, PoP rx, Chariot, 2oC rx, AoC, 9oW rx, Empress, 4oW, Tower.

Damn near half the muhfuggin deck came out omfg if you wanted a private feature you could've asked??? Okay... Let's get this bread my god. So holy fuck ok I'm overwhelmed lmao. So they are currently doing their absolute best to manage, balance, and juggle everything that is currently going on in there life. They were close to dropping some balls (hehe) but they've got everything handled as of right now, they could've have chosen to purposefully let go of one of the balls (hehe) as it was something that did not align with them and caused more stress and dissconnection. However, it seems as though they are still terrified of and refusing to let go of the things that do not serve them entirely. It's giving an dependent attachment to someone, something, or an energy. It feels as though, them not being able to overcome their fears of abandonment, commitment, moving on, as well as not faking their happiness is preventing a major opportunity from coming in for them. It's like they are their own worse enemy here. I get the feeling that there is something in their energy that wants to come in but, they can't really accept or grasp it which is causing this impatient energy within them. They're missing out on a lot of opportunities here because they are too scared, cowardly. It's as though they don't trust this thing that- is genuinely very trusting, open and honest because they are white knuckling things that are meant to keep them grounded. It's giving preferring to hold onto the cinder blocks the mafia gave them to sleep with the fishes than to let go and swim away because they were friends before. It's like they'd rather hold onto what they know rather than experiencing something new because they don't want to experience being hurt again but in a way are hurting themselves and limiting themselves even more. They are making slow, slow progress regardless, making their way into calmer waters, healing very, very slowly however, they are still closing their heart off to this emotional journey. They want to rush forward, overcome the humps, but without going through the journey. It's like wanting to pick and choose what they experience but life isn't about choices or control, it's about flow.

They for sure need to rest themselves, it seems here that they have been over thinking about a lot of things, especially what it means to heal. To them it kind of feels like a betrayal to those who have given to them before, those who have "selflessly" poured into them, as though they are turning their backs on those people which makes them feel as though healing and and of itself is not worth it funnily enough. It's like- this raw energy, this passion, this creative energy that has been with them and in them, innate since the day they were born is trying to make itself clear to them, as if wanting them to take up the mantle but- there is an avoidance, a hesitation because of prior loyalty. It reads as thought they are trying to convince themselves that they are fine, that they don't need this thing and are okay without it but- they are not, it leaves them so unbalanced and disconnected to their grounded earth energy. They really need to know that it is okay to let go, it is okay to move on, it is okay to let the house you spent months building crumble down only leaving you with two support beams left because there is something waiting for them. If they claim to not care about jk or what's going on with him, they are either lying or very very good at hiding it. I see here that they thought they had left this all behind but they catch themselves thinking back to it, back to what it was and how they felt, back to who they say themselves as during then. It's as though, they saw themselves truly for who they are without the shadows but- they believe that that is something that just can't happen, that it is something that they must let go of.

That they are strong enough to or that they will be stronger for it but- that is foolish. Instead it's just them avoiding taking that leap of faith, them avoiding the new energy, avoiding unleashing these heavy ass burdens from themselves. I get the image of them carrying the bundle of wands and the bundle of wands being so heavy it digs into their shoulders, tearing the skin and impaling them with splinters over and over again. They won't let go even if their shoulders are wore down to the bone. They feel as though this is the way to be stable, productive, a functioning member of society but, this is not the way. It is not what fulfills them, it's what traps them like Sisyphus. They need to go within themselves, I see that sometimes they do, and sometimes they do see a glimmer, a glimpse of Jk but they get spooked and run away. They need their time to take it slow, to come back to who they are and to let him in again but- again the thought of this scares them beyond belief, enough to cause them to over think about having to let go of things, about having to let what does not serve them truly die, having to over come the betrayal and realize that this is not the life that they deserved or hoped for since a young age. They fear that they will have to stop the current journey they are on but, wrong. This journey takes them to where they are meant to be, however the energy becomes free and untangled, capable of speeding up once they integrate this part of their journey and life with themselves and who they truly are. It opens a new doorway, it brings forth a bright new loving beginning, only if they can surrender to being the empress, surrender to being the one in power rather than the one being taking advantage of. Their idea of a happy home and happy life needs to be dismantled all the way to the ground and rebuilt and it seems as though the longer they wait, the more painful it is.

QoS rx, Judgement, 3oC rx, 8oP, Tower, 6oS, Everything is fine rx, 7oC Rx, KoS, KoC, PoS rx, Wheel of Fortune rx, Emperor, 9oP, 7oW, Temperance rx, 9oS, PoC, KoP, Hermit, Fool rx, PoW rx, Hierophant, Star.

Girl, bffr. So, they are jaded, they are unable to view this situation as clearly as possible because they cannot look past the hurt that they've faced in relation to Jk but not by Jk. It seems as they need a self evaluation, rather than judging the situation, they should judge themselves honestly and truthfully, they'd see that something is not what it seems. It seems here that they don't want to work with others, they'd rather solo this mission but- that leads to the tower. Isolation never helps, it hurts more, we as humans are social creatures, we are animals that will go mad without connection. It's funny to see the tower and the six of swords together as in tarot it is widely believed that the six of swords follows the tower and depicts us getting out of dodge after fleeing the crumbling tower. I have a feeling that if they don't make the choice to flee the tower will crumble around them. I wonder if they realize that all is not fine, that there is something in their reality that is begging for their attention, their choice, from a mature and non judgmental or jaded position. From a place of intuition and love, as well as emotional maturity. They must face the lack of communication, they will have to turn the wheel themselves to favor their journey if they want to. It seems as though the emperor here is an outside energy, possibly Jk sitting and waiting, letting the garden grow and prosper in preparation for the empress's arrival however, it seems here that the empress is hellbent on being imbalanced. They seem to be hellbent on indulging in their own shadows because they cannot for the life of them envision a reality where someone comes into their life with pure intentions and stable offerings as well as the ability to reflect and change their wrong doings. They'd rather cling to the edge of a crumbling cliff, to eventually fall off said cliff into abyss than to make a leap of faith to the other side. They must address within themselves why they are preventing a passionate journey full of creation and joy for themselves. The key lays with the Hierophant, the Hierophant inside of them. This would be a wish come true if only they'd accept it. It feels as though they want someone to get mad at them, yell at them, force them to do this but- no one is going to do that, it is their choice whether they choose this or not. The universe, their gods are loving and will never be mad at them for not doing something and force them to repent. It is in their hands.

World, Moose, Lizard, Crab, Shadow Person, Mallard, Cardinal, Swallow.

In this deck, the world encourages us traverse the shadow realm, to do our shadow work, and unearth our power while the moose warns us of incoming obstacles and giving something too much power. When you see a moose in real life, their massive size is something that you cannot forget, they are formidable and to Cooky, the act of doing shadow work is akin to staring a moose in the eye. They are giving their fears, their worries, their oppressors too much power over them. The lizard forces us to realize the cycles we are repeating and the lessons we are learning while the crab tells us the lesson. The lesson being self protection, boundaries, teaching others how to treat us. Cooky needs to learn this lesson or else they are doomed to repeat it until they get it, in bigger and bigger ways. It seems to be a pattern in their life currently. They need to stand up and teach themselves what their boundaries truly are, and to teach others how to properly treat them. The shadow person is our unrecognized self that the mallard shows us in our dreams. I wouldn't be surprised if Cooky still gets dreams about their current challenges. These things will seep into our dreams if we ignore our subconscious. The cardinal brings the final message along with the swallow, that they are being watched over lovingly, guided through the last steps on their journey, to have hope and be optimistic, to trust that everything will be alright, that if they take that leap of faith, the hands of their ancestors and spirit guides will rise to catch their feet and carry them to the other side.

Their songs are, Northern Attitude by Noah Kahan and Hozier, See You Again by Tyler, The Creater ft Kali Uchis "Can I get a kiss, and can you make it last for ever? I said I'm about to go to war and I don't know if Imma see you again", Love Like Ghosts by Lord Huron "You don't want me baby please dont lie, oh but if you're leaving then I gotta know why", would've been you by sombr, I know it won't work by Gracie Abrams, ocean eyes by Billie Eilish, Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift, The Man by Gigi Perez, Me and My Husband by Mitski, Noid Tyler, The Creator.

Songs they want to send to each other

Jungkook: Washing Machine Heart by Mitski, Yonkers by Tyler, The Creator, Fool For Love by Lord Huron, I Hate U by SZA, We Fell in Love in October by girl in red, Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars.

Cooky: The Man by Gigi Perez, I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE by Tyler, The Creator, Thnks fr th Mmrs by Fall Out Boy, July by Noah Cyrus, Cursed Lord Huron, MILK OF THE SIREN by Melanie Martinez.

Suga:

3oP rx, 10oP, 10oW rx, 2oW rx, 6oS, KnoS, 9oS, PoW rx, 5oP rx, KnoC rx, KoW, KoS, AoC, PoP rx, 4oC, 7oP, 5oW rx, Strength, Death.

So, a fly flew past me and flies are associated with having eyes on you so he might have a bunch of flies around him, people too much in his energy and his grill. Hmm, it feels like he himself has no idea whats going on in his life it's like he's just happy to be here lmao. On a good note, it seems like he is both happy but sad about this lull in work. It seems as though he has somewhat elevated to "grandpa" status a bit early, finding little things to do, little projects around the house but nothing really towards his career. He feels rather accomplished with what he has but it does feel like he kind of misses the work, the action, the schedule. He doesn't however miss the burdens that come with it. He seems to be enjoying the peace and quiet. However, because he's given this ample time to fuck around, he's wondering when the find out is gonna happen. It seems as though, in the midsts of this "not a thought behind those eyes" energy, there are, in fact, thoughts. Many of them. He might be confused, unsure of where he is going, possibly having a bit too much focus or attention on either what went on in his life in the past, or what will be coming to his life in the future, while he is trying to draw his attention to the present to be present. Regardless of that, he is moving forward, but with all this swords energy here, he's so entirely in his head- it's like "i'm just here for the ride" is more like "I have to be here for the ride because I'm too in my head to take myself there" for him. Have you ever seen a video of him staring off into space like he forgot he exist? Yeah, that is him but that lil ol noggin of his is filled with worries, anxieties, and what ifs. Because of this, he might be experiencing creative blocks, perhaps he might be mentally trying to rush himself to come out of this energy, not wanting to feel somewhat destitute anymore but- in order to do that he kind of- has to reach out to someone and explain to them whats going on. I think, partially, one of the things that is bothering him is the direction he's taking regarding Shooky. I'm interested in seeing what Shooky has going on to get a better feel for this energy. It feels like he's aware of the possibilities but doesn't know who it'll be. It feels like he wants to have authority over this, as- it is his life. He feels as though he knows what would be best, that he is fair and logical in his judgements but- he has yet to realize it's not just about him. Especially with the four of cups depicting a person being given the ace of cups but refusing to take it because it's not what they wanted. It's this slightly stubborn energy here. It's like he feels as though he spent a lot of energy, a lot of work pouring into one avenue and now he's having to decide whether it's worth it to continue to gamble on this horse or to call it quits. In the end, he doesn't want conflict, he just hopes he can be strong enough to draw whatever this is to a close.

World rx, 10oC, AoS rx, 5oS, Magician rx, 10oP rx, Moon rx, 9oS rx, 7oC rx, KnoW rx, PoP, 9oW rx, 3oW rx, Star rx, 7oP rx, Death rx, 4oS rx, Hanged man.

Me: Trouble in paradise? Him: NO :< lmao. So, he wants to make it abundantly clear that, despite whatever he may be facing, it is all a part of the journey to a stable and healthy emotional connection with his counterpart. Even though he isn't exactly clear on whatever is going on, he is surrendering to the energy and the process. Even though in this instance he has no exact power over the circumstances at hand, even if the energy is unstable and he is uncertain of whether or not this will result in the future he hopes for, he is aware that it is mostly his fears and insecurities speaking here. He is aware that, for the most part, it is mainly anxiety creating illusion. He is aware that, with time this too shall past, and he'll be able to see clearer, that reality will hit him and he will know what to do and be able to make that choice. He has accepted though, that as of right now his feelings are mostly anxiety, possibly jealousy. I'm seeing the "is this a butterfly?" meme. As of right now though, he is focusing on the good things in his reality such as the time he has to himself, letting himself surrender to being jostled about in the energy. He seems to be stably unstable lmao, he's just enjoying his time being home, not yet ready to return to city girl life as of yet. He is still worried, still afraid that this is something he is going to have to release, let go of, that he has done everything he could in regards to the energy but it is proving unfruitful. He's not quite ready to let go yet, so he is hoping he doesn't have to, that he can rise to the occasion soon. It seems as though, he still has a lot to consider, the position of the hanged man is a rough one, being strung upside down until a new perspective is found is harsh. Good luck to him.

Unicorn, Tiger, Snake, Hawk, Swallow, Skunk, Kangaroo.

Unicorns are about synchronicities, magic, special things while tigers exude opulence and carnal desires. It seems as though something super special, super important, something that has him spellbound is on its way to him. Something that feeds his hunger and carnal desires, something that encourages him to revel in the luxuries he's created himself. The snake is associated with the divine feminine and kundalini, spiritual awakenings and healing while the hawk gives us intelligence, independence, adaptability and clarity. It feels as though, because he is going through some sort of awakening, he might not be seeing things as clearly as he wants to and our boi is fully aware of that. He's allowing himself to shed his skin and old beliefs so that his eyes are no longer covered in scaly dead skin. As said before, swallow is a sign that the journey is coming to an end, skunk is to remind us that there are alternative solutions, and kangaroo is regarded for it's vitality. It to me, reads as though he might be on the shore of this new phase, new cycle in his life, one that is going to need an alternative solution to land, but once it lands, he'll feel as though he's gotten his life back.

His song is When the Night is Over by Lord Huron

Shooky:

PoS, KoP, 7oS, Judgment rx, 5oC, 2oC, 8oS rx, KnoP, 7oP rx, 9oW, 10oS rx, Empress, 6oP rx, 6oS rx, 2oP, 10oC, Emperor, 3oC, 10oP rx, Everything is fine.

Hmmm, for them, they might be experiencing a lot of technical issues, possibly affecting their communication. Either their email got hacked or they were locked out, forgot the password, it's been storming in their area and it's affecting the power, their mail being intercepted or going undelivered. Other than that, they could also be experiencing halts in other things, perhaps they are trying to cook a meal but they have to handle something family related first, that kind of delay. Regardless of that, they seem to be in a very grounded and stable energy, one that is rather secure, and perhaps a bit sneaky and strategic. Considering that judgement in the reversed is here, they may be sneaking out at night if you catch my drift. Not that they are living like a teenager and sneaking out to meet their friends literally, just the energy of possibly doing something they know they aren't supposed to be doing. The five transitioning to the two of pentacles to me is very interesting because in traditional tarot the five of cups is depicted as someone overlooking three of there cups that have fallen over while only two remain, and the two of cups is- well two cups lmao. To me it reads as though they are going through a period of a lot of loss, a lot of releasing, a lot of letting go in order to call in this exchanging of cups. They must free themselves of whatever mental and emotional prison they have locked themselves up in, take a chance on themselves and let themself make the slow burn progress they need without rushing themself. It seems as though there is something that they decided is not worth being in their energy anymore, that they are going to take the final stand and see this energy through and out the door. They are no longer standing for betrayal or people who intentionally build up their trust only to stab them in their back. They've learned their worth and who they are and they are going to properly express it. They are no longer over giving, no longer draining themselves of much needed assets for others who clearly do not deserve it. It is a difficult thing to do but they are managing themselves well, taking their time without being so harsh. They are balancing out their energy, juggling as much as they can without over doing it, focussing on having and creating a harmonious life and future for themselves with someone that is in the same energy as them. They want to celebrate and work with their equal on creating that long lasting generational wealth so that they may share it or pass it on to possible future children. This wealth could be financial or, that deep unshakable stability that can provide comfort and stable new beginnings and life for generations. Although things may suck for the both of them at the moment, everything is and will be fine.

2oP rx, PoP rx, KoP rx, 2oW, 2oS rx, 9oS, Devil rx, PoW rx, 10oC rx, 8oW rx, Moon, KoW, Judgement, Emperor rx, 3oC rx, PoC rx, 9oC, AoS, Strength.

So... They too are really unbalanced about this, perhaps they feel overwhelmed and over flowing in some areas related to Suga. The pentacles cards being reversed feels like a confirmation of said instability, as well as potential blockages here. However, the two of wands here suggest that Shooky is well aware of it, that they are capable of deducing what is wrong based on the past and by peering into the potentiality of the future. It is possible that they are a reader as well. Despite this though, they are still experiencing some anxious thoughts, perhaps struggling to sleep at night because of this. The devil reversed indicates that they may succumb to their own demons from time to time, perhaps being in that head of theres is more appealing than being present in their life. Perhaps they think being kept up in that head of theres, on autopilot is a faster way to come out of the energy they are experiencing. They might want to make hasty decisions in hopes of attaining this connection but all that does is put them in this energy of lack and force themselves to slow down. They must decide if the moons reflection in the pond is real or if the one in the sky is. It's all about perspective yes, and both comes with it's dangers, but one is a primordial being that can guide you anywhere you go with it's light. It seems here that they might agree with me that Suga needs to stand up and remember who the fuck he is lmao. It's like they are very conscious of the problems he is facing, more conscious than their own. It's a cute dynamic of support and encouragement but- in the effort of doing so they forget themselves and forget that this path is one of collaborative efforts. Together, they achieve more than apart. They have a great dynamic that works really well with each other, true ebb and flow, yin and yang, Tui and La. They'll be alright.

Cub, Lizard, Hermit Crab, Rooster, Jellyfish, Goose, Cardinal.

Awwww, poor thing, this is some terribly rough energy to be in. The cub is in response to this decks Bear card which is mother energy, the lizard is repeating cycles and unlearned lessons. The hermit crab reminds us of the necessity to withdraw, introspect, explore ones inner landscape and grow whereas rooster is a dominant and oppressive energy. The jellyfish reminds us of the importance of flow, where the goose warns us of upcoming dangers and territorial nature. Lastly the cardinal is a companion from beyond the veil. My heart goes out to them. I'll try to keep it as vague as possible but, what I'm getting from this reading and later confirmed through the song is that, Shooky has a tumultuous relationship with a maternal figure. So much so that they've felt abandoned and uncared for, having to both parent and reparent themselves. These types of wounds don't disappear overnight, they pick at you from time to time which leads us into the lizard energy, the energy of repeating cycles and lessons, unlearning lessons. It seems as though they've been caught in a cycle, having to sacrifice a limb to break free each time. With hermit crab, it is painfully obvious that this is an energy that they need to break free from once and for all. It is absolutely imperative that they withdraw and seek solace somewhere else, lest they allow their only protection to be chipped away in an environment where that could be a death sentence. Flowing into the rooster energy, in this deck, the hen is in response to the rooster. TMI but, hens are so detrimentally submissive that if a rooster comes by they will assume mating position so much so that it can actually be damaging to their health. With the added dynamic of a clearly oppressive maternal figure, it is possible that this is a dynamic that one does not want to be in. It seems here, with the jellyfish, rather than being submissive they've adapted to be akin to a jellyfish, allowing the ocean currents to guide them wherever so it may. It seems as though this false sense of security and truce is now coming to an end. With goose being known for their ferocity and hostility, it's best to get out of dodge before the goose decides to attack. Lastly is cardinal, they are not alone in this, constantly being guided by their spirit team, ancestors and possibly even the energy of Suga as well. Good luck to them.

Their song is Glue by Gigi Perez.

Songs they want to send to each other

Suga: Kill for Your Love by Labrinth, Feels like by Gracie Abrams, Believe by Caamp, Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran, Halley's Comet by Billie Eilish, Homesick by Noah Kahan

Shooky: Wait by the River by Lord Huron, CHIHIRO by Billie Eilish (I'm noticing a theme here, gonna do another in depth on them), Afraid by The Neighbourhood, Royals by Lorde, All the Pretty Girls by KALEO, Drive by SZA.

Jin:

PoP rx, 9oP, 4oS, 2oW, KnoC rx, 5oC rx, Hanged man rx, KoP, 9oS, 5oP, Emperor, 8oW rx, 10oW rx, Star.

He seems to be doing really good! He's taking a break from doing anything work wise, learning wise, journey wise, and really enjoying the fruits of his labor and his time off. He's resting as much as he can currently because he has plans on being busy in the future- I got the strongest craving for Trinidadian macaroni pie mid reading so perhaps he's exploring and indulging in foods, I'm envious. It seems as though he has decided to walk away or step away from anything romantic for the time being, I heard "I've seen the light" which leads me to believe he has seen whoever he was with for their true colors and decided that that is not what he wants and is taking a break to be himself, to stabilizing himself. I do see he does have a bit of a fear and anxious thoughts about not having anyone around if he is ever in need but, he is showing up as the emperor, someone who is highly capable and often is surrounded by a good support system. He seems to be taking things slow, taking his time, wanting to be with himself and within himself

6oW, Death, KnoP rx, 10oC rx, 4oP rx, QoS rx, Star, 8oS rx, 6oP.

Fucking love this for him. He successfully put an end to a third party energy that did not align with him or what he wanted. It seemed as though this energy did try to force things to fit where they did not, so did he, but he has successfully nipped it in the bud. That person is probably having a hard time accepting it, and he himself is a little jaded but man, he feels a whole lot better after it. He's very much in a healing and releasing energy, spending more time with friends and actually giving and caring to those around him. He's in a "protecting my energy" sort of mood!

Shadow Person, Swallow, Goat, Squirrel, Swan, Pigeon

The shadow person is our unrecognized self, the swallow is a sign to weary sailors that they are almost home. This to me reads as though he is almost to the bottom of the deepest darkest parts of himself and that is genuinely amazing. He is healing, loving himself, learning himself and apparently, almost home! The goat is a sign of untapped potential, fertility, virility and stubbornness while the squirrel prepares us for the future, encouraging work life balances. Goodness this is such good energy, probably the only one having a good time atm lmao. He's in a preparation stage, he is setting himself up and his life up for the future, creating a good work life balance while tapping into the deepest parts of himself and awakening abilities he never knew he had. The swan is the ultimate visage of soulmates and connections, the pigeon reminds us to have situational awareness, to know our way back home and to be in the present moment. I have no other way to say this but this man knows where his home is, he knows where his heart and his soulmate is and he is not going to get caught up in situationships that he knows won't last. He is staying in the present so that he does not miss this moment.

His songs are Mean It by Gracie Abrams, Love by Lana Del Rey, I Lied by Lord Huron and Allison Ponthier, I Has Some Help by Post Malone and Morgan Wallen, party favor by Billie Eilish, Call Your Mom by Noah Kahan, Billie Bossa Nova by Billie Eilish.

Rj:

2oS rx, PoS rx, 6oS, QoW, 8oC rx, PoW rx, 10oW rx, 7oW, 2oP, AoS, KnoC rx, Star, 4oC, Justice.

They seem to have recently made a choice, for better or worse, not letting themselves me blinded by indecision or fear. They've been facing the anxiety that they feel in a somewhat defensive energy. Perhaps they are dealing with a bit of gossip by being super blunt and cut throat about it. This is helping them move away from something that has been troubling them for quite some time, allowing them to step in their power, their passion, their verve and creativity, allowing themselves to be the hottie they are. They've let that house of cards fall, they have willingly let go and walked away from a path that does not serve them, one that brought them more trouble than what it was worth. They're released the burden and are now spending their energy defending and believing in something they know is for them and that they know is worth it. They may be feeling a bit of doubt or opposition though, hence the seven of wands present. They will get some sort of divine message, divine confirmation, something that they literally cannot ignore or deny as much as they try to. This is a manifestation of all their hopes and dreams as much as they don't want to believe it. It seems as though they are the type of person that when they get what they want, they become afraid to take it but, this is their justice, their reward for going through what they did.

PoS rx, 6oP, 4oS, Hanged man rx, Lovers rx, 3oW, 2oP, 10oP rx, KoW, Devil rx, 8oS rx, 6oW, 7oW, Hierophant, 10oW rx, QoC, 6oC, Justice.

"I don't wanna say too much" proceeds to drop 25% of my deck... So, I'll keep this as brief as possible. This is incredibly healing, incredibly rejuvenating, forcing them to see things from all kinds of perspectives, causing them to come to complete stops and check in with themselves. It seems as though either they too have left a relationship not meant for them or they are aware of Jin leaving his and are in this active waiting energy, preparing for their ships to dock or to travel themselves. They are and are seeking balance and reciprocal energy, the ability to build from the bottom up, not on the foundations set by others. They are definitely heading towards each other with such speed, dropping their vices and unhealed energy along the way. They have spent a lot and I mean a lot of time releasing themselves from this mental prison they've enforced on their self and they are so ready to experience this victory, this moment of recognition they've been waiting for. This is something that they deem important to protect as it was revealed unto them by someone of high spiritual standing. They are still releasing their binds, releasing their burdens and worries, letting themselves open up and be vulnerable and loving. They're healing their inner child, letting themselves fall deeply in love with life again. This is so utterly deserved, definitely after all they've been through.

Hawk, Cub, Mallard, Squirrel, Lion.

The hawk gives us intelligence, independence, clarity and allows us to adapt while the cub is all about the inner child. It seems as though they may harbor some resentments about having to grow up faster than their peers which is a valid feeling but, the hawk warns us that all is not what it seems. I have a feeling that they should definitely have a talk with their parents especially since there were two songs in Jin's part of the reading that mentioned talking to their partners parents and somehow seamlessly transitions into each other. The mallards call awakens our subconscious and our dreams while the squirrel encourages us to prepare for the future with a healthy work life balance, while the lion shows us pride through the divine masculine and father. To me it reads as though they have been having a lot of dreams about this, innumerable dreams about Jin, their connection, and their relationship with their parents and growing up. They may have to address what the divine masculine and what fatherhood means to them in order to properly prepare for their future. Good luck to them.

Their songs are Figurines by Gigi Perez, Fireworks by Mitski, The A Team by Ed Sheeran, Ancient Names, Pt. I by Lord Huron, Bird cage blue and yellow by Yaeklore, Lets Fall in Love for the Night by FINNEAS.

Songs they want to send to each other

Jin: When She Smiles by Gigi Perez, A Pearl by Mitski, Kid & Leveret by Yaeklore (the fly is back), Sun to Me by Zach Bryan, WHAT'S GOOD by Tyler the Creator, Third of May/ Ōdaigahara by Fleet Foxes

Rj: Flowers by Faye Webster ft Father, Loving Is Easy by Rex Orange County ft Benny Sings, My Vine by Wasia Project, Home by Bruno Major, rises the moon by Liana Flores

J-Hope:

PoP rx, Hermit, Star, 5oP, AoP rx, 10oW rx, World, 8oS, 4oC, 9oC, KnoS, 8oP.

So, ha, he's in a good but longing energy. Anytime I do a reading and a Hozier song is involved, it instantly takes the yearning to a level catastrophic- specifically this one. There might have been something in his physical life that is drawing more of his attention, away from something or someone he cares about which to him, is bad news bears. Thankfully though, it is giving him time to turn within the self, possibly meditating more often, focusing on things that give him hope, his northern star. I get a tired energy from him, possibly from the touring and traveling. He could be in a position where he may be needing some help, but those around him are unable to help him in the way he needs. Those around him can help him financially if so be it but- in reality he wants to release the "burden of his passions" so to speak... I get the feeling that if he is able to have this... releasing energy... it might actually cause him to spiral so he's being- pent up... on purpose lmfao. He knows what he wants and he is refusing and also is unaccepting of anything unlike it. He may be experiencing a but of doubt but, he knows where his pride and contentment lay, where his achievements will reside so he is taking great stride to work hard, doubly hard for it. Man is on a mission. Considering how private he is, this is a shock lmao.

2oP rx, 10oS, 2oW, KoP rx, 4oP, Wheel of Fortune rx, 8oP, 7oC, 4oC, QoS rx, KoC rx, 10oC rx, 3oS rx, Strength.

Alright, I heard "mah angel, mon cherie (≧▽≦)" how cute lol. It may seem that he feels currently that him and Mang may be at odds in the sense that they might be juggling with a lot at the moment which isn't really allowing them to connect which then turns him into somewhat of this lovesick puppy that whines until their human comes home lmao. He may be victim to the accursed doomscrolling on social sites when in this energy. When it comes to Mang though, even though he may experience some doubt, his pathway is clear. Even if it doesn't make sense, is unstable, or he loses all his money he chooses to hold in, kind of like Jimin and hoarding his treasures. It's as though, even if the wheel changes and fate has another plan, he will work to the bone to realign to the current energy of Mang. He could be offered many different options, choices, pathways in life, but if it is not what and who he wants, he is simply not doing it. The universe could cry blood asking him to shift and he would not care, he is a man that knows exactly what he wants. He wants to be the one that holds and heals their heart, and gives them the strength to continue.

Whitetail, Turkey, Bear, Hippo, Mallard.

OOF this is strong lmao. The whitetail heralds a rebirth, walking us through the process while turkey encourages us to dive into our primal instincts. It seems as though our boi is going through a deep rebirth, taking on a new form of himself that has always been there but wrapped up in the frond of others expectations of him. This rebirth is intrinsically tied to his wild and primal side. The bear is the mother, reparenting oneself while hippo is the abundance, reaping of rewards and indulgence, It seems as though this rebirth was spurred on by him either reconnecting or connecting deeper to a maternal person in his life and sequentially the maternal energy within him. This is allowing him to indulge and enjoy more than what he has before with this broader view. Lastly, the mallard guides us into the subconscious mind, into the dream state. His dreams must be wild as all hell, expansive and exploratory. It is possible he is getting his signs through the dreams he has.

His song is First Time by Hozier. Cheeky little thing snuck in Adore You by Harry Styles

Mang:

Hierophant, 10oC rx, QoS rx, World, 10oW rx, 2oS rx, 9oS, QoW.

It seems as though they are in both the student and the teacher position here. They seem to be someone that has answers that come from both experience and a divine place, to which they are always learning and sharing what they learn. I'm more specifically drawn to the keys at the feet of the Hierophant and the scepter as well as positioning of the Hierophants hands. In traditional tarot, the scepter is a symbol reserved for the pope which indicates spiritual authority. The keys unlock spiritual enlightenment and the consciousness of the subconscious. The two fingers are related to the magicians posture, encouraging one to live practically through ideals as well as acknowledging divide and union. It seems as though Mang is a highly spiritual force of nature. Someone who knows their shit and is not one to be trifled with. It seems as though they may be experiencing some misfortune in familial life, something that left them feeling disempowered, as though they were being heavily scrutinized, over criticized. This is an energy that they have personally closed out and moved away from, they have released the burdens placed onto them by others and refuse to pick them back up. The wool has been removed from their eyes and they see as clear as the new telescope NASA launched. That doesn't mean that they are immune to doubt, anxiety and general low times, but they are someone who can and will bounce back with the force of ten million suns.

4oC, QoS rx, Sun rx, 10oS, 5oS rx, KoW, 5oC rx, 8oC, AoP rx, 8oW rx.

This energy is giving me the feeling of post concert blues a little bit. It to me reads as though they are also very clear about what they want both in regards to J-Hope and in life in general. While they may be open to experiencing new things, there are some things that are near and dear to their heart that they refuse to accept a lesser version of it. This gives me the feeling of someone who'd fully curse out their spirit team for "playing in their face" so to speak. They too seem to be experiencing a serious lull, some heavy doubt about this, as well as a terrible sense of longing- as though their heart is being pulled by an invisible string. They may currently be feeling as though they are bogged down by a lot of things in live, however they are surrendering to the notion because while they are aware that that is the natural due process and order of things. They are aware that, ultimately in the end, they are in charge of their path and their journey, and that their passion for this and for him is what keeps it going, They've already over come so much throughout their journey, they're not going to let a small hiccup slow them down. They are ready, willing and capable of walking away from all that they've built if it no longer serves them, but in this case, they are more than ready to take that next step. It's just a matter of divine timing of when that door opens up and that opportunity comes rolling in. Until then, they are forced to take it slow, to focus on the mundane and be present in their life.

Frog, Swan, Turtle, Penguin, Tapir, Goat.

The frog reminds us of the importance of our spiritual hygeine, how important it is to cleanse the space around us and ourself as well as our energy, and swan is an auspicious symbol of soulmates, a divine connection within another. At this current moment, Mang is being encouraged to and is cleansing their spiritual space and practice, resetting their altars, cleansing their cards, and most importantly cleansing their mind and their spirit, they are releasing the old and what no longer serves to make space for the new that the swan heralds. It may be important for them at this time to have a good cry in the shower, one that is ugly yet releasing and empowering, one that you fall into a deep ass nap after words and wake up like you got transported to the year 3005. Have I said this before? No? Then I'm gonna say it again, I fucking love it when the cards confirm intuitive pings :) The turtle is about patience, allowing divine timing to take its place, while the penguin connects us to family, close relationships and our social life. They are being reminded once again that patience is a virtue, and that they should reach out to their support system for comfort and- well support lol. Suffering in silence gets one nothing but silent pain. The tapir reminds us the value of acting in service to others, curbing our selfishness while the goat reminds us of our untapped potential, our fertility (creativity), virility as well as stubbornness. To me, this reads as Mang already being a rather giving person, someone who would donate to charity when they can, someone who strongly supports moral causes, however, with the addition of the goat, it seems to me that they have barely tapped the surface of their greatness. Perhaps they are trapped in the mindset of being of service to others, stubbornly avoiding the service of themselves. I get the feeling that this untapped potential within them has something to do with things being readily available within their reach but this stubborn energy of the goat preventing them from reaching out. Good luck to them

Their song is Please be Rude by Gigi Perez

Songs they want to send to each other

J-Hope: WILDFLOWER by Billie Eilish, U Deserve by Wasia Project, Nomad by Clairo, She Won't Go Away by Faye Webster, Feels Like a Dream by Rocco, Sign by Liana Flores.

Mang: Landslide (Remastered) by Fleetwood Mac, Sun to Me by Zach Bryan, my future by Billie Eilish, The View Between Villages by Noah Kahan, Sunlight by Hozier, Chemistry by Gigi Perez.

Rm:

Everything is fine, 3oW rx, 9oS, 8oS rx, 6oP rx, 9oC rx, PoS rx, KNoP, 3oP, 4oP rx, KnoC, 4oS rx, PoC, PoP rx, 6oS, 10oS, 2oS, 10oW, KoP rx.

So, everything is definitely not fine. It is giving defeatist, "I'll just lay here and hurt thank you". There is an air of feeling as though there isn't much of anything worth waiting for anymore, guy really wants to go home. He is not enjoying his time, he barely gets much sleep if he even sleeps, if his mind gives him a break from the constant cycle of over thinking and thinking about all the worst case scenarios. It feels as though he is trying to battle that by being more selfish with his energy and himself but it doesn't feel like himself, he doesn't feel as though he is achieving anything worth noting where he is currently physically and emotionally. I get the feeling with the page of swords reversed, he might've gotten some news that really upset him, but theres this acceptance energy? "I can't force it/you"? Regardless of that, he is taking his time day by day, the knight of pentacles is slow moving grounded energy. With the three of pentacles, he could be working alongside a group of people or specific person. Perhaps seeking counseling to overcome and let go of these things that took more precedent in his life than himself. It reads as though these are the practical steps he's taking to be able to offer a romantic proposition to someone or to better connect with himself and emotions. Honestly with the four of swords in the reversed position as the energy of coming out of inactivity and a restful period and going into an action based one it does seem like it is towards a person, possibly Koya. It feels as though this is a new energy, someone he has yet to meet? It seems as though the blockage to this is rooted in a lack of groundwork, a lack of following through and not seizing opportunities, perhaps a lot of bad news in earthly matters such as finances or health as well. He is trying his best to get the hell outta dodge, to heal slowly but- he is still overcome with grief and sadness at some sort of betrayal he felt. It seems as though this is something locked away deep inside of him that he is too afraid? to let out? He'd rather bare the weight of the burden as though it is his sacred duty. Even though it is actively working against his innate grounded and stable persona and aura.

4oS rx, 4oP rx, 6oP rx (clarified by 7oC, KnoS, 4oS rx, 9oS rx, Fool, KnoC), PoP, PoC rx, Hanged man rx, 6oC rx, Death, 8oC rx, 9oP, 9oC, 10oP rx, QoC rx, PoS rx, 9oS rx, AoS, QoS rx, 10oC, 2oC, 4oW, KoS rx, Empress rx, AoW rx, 7oS, Magician, Moon, Strength, Justice rx.

As I said before, it feels as though this energy is coming out of stagnancy, it is coming out of storage. It seems that something here is mending, there is a lot of releasing, of oneself and especially the control of the self or imposed by another. It's like this expectation they had of themselves, Koya and Rm, are being released, purposefully, selfishly and somewhat violently purged from themselves. Their are many options afford to them, but it takes too much time and effort to choose? So they're going buckwild and trying to seize every opportunity afforded to them, again coming out of inaction, diving straight into action, releasing the anxiety, the fear, they had to break down in order to build back up I suppose. It's a new era for them both and they are taking massive leaps of faith towards each other. There is a lot of effort being made in earthly matters, it feels like some sort of teamwork but on opposite poles. It seems as though for either one or both of them, their childhood traumas are causing them significant delays, possibly causing one of them to stall quite a bit. Thankfully they are both letting go of the past, resolving their childhood issues and maturing further in these aspects. One or both of them might be leaving from their home soon. There is a lot of new energy here waiting to come through the door but, you can't fit anything new in a closet full of junk so they're clearing out all of that energy for these new things. It isn't easy, there is a lot of attachment to these things as suggested in the eight of cups in the reversed position, there is some fears of moving on and fears of commitment to certain things on both sides. Regardless, he is hoping for the both of them, mainly Koya to prosper, to profit, to elevate themselves and social status for their own wellbeing. I get the feeling that he has come to terms with the fact that he cannot create a new generation by himself which- nvm...

He wants for someone to be emotionally mature enough to not be shaken by whatever might be said in the press, someone who can use their intuition to tell when something is wrong. However it seems that he is aware that is a bit unreasonable as that person would be akin to an unhealed queen of wands, someone who is very harsh in their punishments and jaded as all hell from past pains. He really wants a happy ending, a happy home life, the ability to cross the ocean and offer this proposal, to celebrate a successful union but- he feels like he is being too imposing, coming off too strong and controlling? I feel as though he might be scared of scaring off Koya, making them feel insecure anxious, and unstable which throws them off balance and off their game. He fears that it affects them to the point of it causing delays, creative blocks, kind of like spooking a turtle back in their shell. However, he knows that this is mostly his anxious thoughts overstepping, kind of like getting carried away within the thralls of an intrusive thought storm. He's doing what he can, with what he has practiced and mastered to go within and illuminate the shadows, mustering up as much strength as he can because he feels as though this isn't over and was possibly unfairly judged?

Cardinal, Bear, Swan, Jellyfish, Elephant, Kangaroo, Penguin, Goat.

The cardinal is a sign that we have divine visitors, angelic presences, love, divination, empathy, devotion and passion while the bear is mother energy, reparenting oneself. It seem as though he is healing himself and reparenting himself through connecting to important spiritual figures in his life and beyond. I have the feeling he could be mainly connecting with a grandmother spirit that really helps him especially in his connection to Koya. Funnily enough to get swan in a reading is to be made aware of your soulmate connections, whereas the jellyfish remind us to release our expectations and go with the flow. It seems as though he has a specified focus on a divine connection with someone, highly likely Koya as there are two cards pointing towards spiritual soulmate connections. He currently is and needs to work with his spiritual team to learn how to go with the flow, to minimize damage to his sensitive parts by minimizing the friction created when trying to go against the flow of the ocean currents. The elephant warns us of obstacles yet reminds us of our strength, wisdom and endurance where as kangaroos revive our raw energy, vitality and optimism. To overcome the obstacle at hand, he must remember his own strength, tap into his raw energy and vitality, tackle the obstacle head on and regain his sense of optimism. The penguin reminds us of our family and close relationships while the goat awakens our untapped potential, virility, fertility, and sometimes stubbornness. Now is a time for him to spend as much time as he can with those who replenish him for there is yet parts of himself to be unlocked to reach the true peak of who he is.

His songs are deja vu by Olivia Rodrigo, Getting Older by Billie Eilish, Still by Noah Kahan, Kill For You by Gigi Perez, Use Somebody by Kings of Leon, My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski, DOGTOOTH by Tyler, The Creator, Kid & Leveret by Yaeklore, I Will Be Back One Day by Lord Huron, Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd, Congratulations by Post Malone ft Quavo, Good Days by SZA, watch by Billie Eilish, Why by Sabrina Carpenter, When She Smiles by Gigi Perez.

Koya:

AoS rx, 5oC, 7oP rx, 10oP rx, PoP, KoS, 9oP rx, Emperor rx, AoC, AoP rx, 7oS, 6oC, 5oP rx, Star, PoS rx, Tower rx, KnoC, 3oP, Wheel of Fortune, Chariot rx, Fool, 10oC, 4oC, Hermit, 6oW, 5oW rx, 8oW.

I smelled mothballs as soon as I started to shuffle, they might have mothballs around or they've been seeing a lot of moths around them and their home, possible a child of Hekate. What I'm reading from this is that they had a heavy bout of doubt, it seems as though there was a message that was trying to get through to them that they could not receive as they were too lost within the fog of their own mind. Heavily dealing with creative blocks and failures, falling for misinformation, possibly making several wrong decisions along the way. Damn poonks :/ Anywho, they experienced a really heavy loss- to them but it was basically them sobbing and crashing out over spilt milk but it was still something that was serious to them. It left them feeling as though all of the work that they put in wasn't worth it, all those long hours and late nights amounted to nothing seemingly, leading them to feel like their future was in jeopardy... seemingly. Everything turned out somewhat fine, they dusted themselves off and kept it pushing. You know that tiktok sound of female rage? Yeah, that was them except only screaming that slows down to jelly fish jam from Spongebob. They restarted their journey from where it left off but with more intention, using their past experiences as stepping stools and guide marks of where not to step. It seems as thought this crash out was part of a rift between Koya and Rm, one where they were being way more logical than emotional, trying to be fair to Rm but forgetting themselves in the mix. They felt as though they couldn't compare in some ways, they still feel less accomplished, not attached to the masculine energy within them enough to work towards what they want. They have the love, the full cup, but they've missed a lot of the physical and material opportunities to push themselves forward. The reason of them missing these opportunities is this deep engrained need to hide and shelter themselves, to be sneaky and strategic with their energy and presence due to childhood trauma related to being harmed due to simply being perceived. The are healing, receiving help and are coming out of a bad financial spot though, thankfully. They are trying to stay positive, to keep the hope and keep wishing, but they are probably one more bad news away from another more severe crashout. It's like they are trying to hold themselves together with a kindergarteners arts and craft project. I love when the cards confirm each other because it does seem like they've both made this pact to work with each other to take all steps necessary towards each other, including I'm hearing promising to send specific signs to each other?

The wheel of fate is in their favor here, I'm also hearing "fortune favors the bold" so perhaps they have to do something bold and out of the box that they would never think to do in a million years. It feels as though, currently, they are powerless against stopping themselves from making these leaps of faith, the only problem being is that they lack direction, could be making a leap of faith and land on the same exact spot honestly. Regardless, they are working towards and will achieve this harmonious reunification that they are looking for, unfortunately they will have to go within themselves and clear out the weeds, dust off the old books to find the keys they are missing, which, they don't want to do. They just have to grit their teeth and bear it because their success is right around the corner. They could possibly be an up and coming star/celebrity, about to put themselves on the line for the first time. It may happen in a place where there is no competition though, only camaraderie or, them having to submit to the energy and let it slingshot them forward.

Sun rx, 9oP rx, PoC rx, Magician rx, Moon rx, 8oW rx, High Priestess, 10oS, 9oS rx, 9oW rx, PoW rx, Hierophant, Star, Chariot.

So... things are not good... Thankfully the high priestess is here, indicating that they know exactly what is wrong and how to fix it. It seems like the rift that happened has yet to be healed, it seems as though Koya is still somewhat worried? They feel incredibly sad, theres this heavy energy so possibly oppressed as well. It seems as though they did not want to be financially dependent on their partner. It definitely seems as though this rift was caused by unrealistic expectations or fears from Koya, possibly worrying about their place in Rm's life and what it'd mean for them, it seems like this was definitely spurred on by childhood trauma wounds reopening. They did not feel all that in control, they felt as though they were manipulated by something in there personal life, tricked, or lacking mental clarity about something due to this heavy "weight of the world" energy that bled over into their connection with Rm. It's as though they deceived themselves by diving into places they knew they shouldn't go, spurring anxiety and causing their own intuition to be blocked. It slowed down the progress a whole lot and as I mentioned before, they had some sort of divine messages that wanted to come in but couldn't because of their mental state. They are aware of this, I mean, became aware of this after some time, after solving the riddles the Sphinx left behind, Now they're left feeling rather- like a pin cushion if you will. They need some time to heal as it seems as though their trust is still shaky here. They're thankfully no longer spiraling, rather going with the flow, not putting up a resistance to the change that needs to happen. They are painfully aware of how gullible they were though. It seems as though with the hierophant that they are slowly overcoming this through reconnecting with the divine. They could be a reader or someone who is spiritual and has access to the keys at the feet of the hierophant to unlock the necessary doors. They just have to focus on their hopes, dreams and wishes while they are being rushed forward.

Skunk, Salamander, Moose, Boar, Kangaroo, Lion, Lizard, Squirrel.

The skunk reminds us that there are alternative solutions, to rely on our resourcefulness while the salamander encourages us to partake in the alchemical process. It seems to me our dear Koya needs to turn to their resourcefulness to find an alternate solution to the blockages their facing, perhaps the solution is to simply turn their woes into their power. The imposing moose shows us the obstacles at hand, and the possibility of giving something too much power over us, while the boar is the destroyer, our self sabotage. OOf that felt like a call out to myself lmfao anywho, Koya might be giving their fears way too much power over them, making them seem bigger than they appear which feeds into this cycle of sabotaging their own efforts. The kangaroo gives us raw energy, vitality, and optimism while the lion rekindles our relationship with the divine masculine and father. It reads to me that Koya is needing to really tap into their optimism here to heal their relationship with the idea of the father as well as their divine masculine energy of action. The lizard warns us the repetition of cycles and unlearned lessons, the squirrel encourages us to build proper work life balances and prepare for the future. It seems as though Koya is in a pivotal moment in their life. They're needing to recognize the patterns in their life and put an end to the repetition, create a better work life schedule in order to prepare for their future. Good luck to them!

Their songs are Crybaby by SZA, Liquid Smooth by Mitski, I Carrion (Icarian) by Hozier, I'm Right Here by Young Spirit, 911/ Mr. Lonely by Tyler, The Creator Ft Frank Ocean and Steve Lacy, Kid & Leveret by Yaeklore (again???), Son of a Gun by Lord Huron, Way Down We Go by KALEO, San Luis by Gregory Alan Isakov, Photograph by Ed Sheeran, Six Feet Under by Billie Eilish, Daylight by Harry styles, Please Be Rude by Gigi Perez.

Songs they want to send to each other

Rm: Chemicals by Gregory Alan Isakov, Let It Go by James Bay, Sun to Me by Zach Bryan, come out and play by Billie Eilish (help?), Georgia by Vance Joy, It Will Come Back by Hozier (HELP? HELLO?)

Koya: I Carrion (Icarian) by Hozier, To Be Alone by Hozier, SWEET/I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO DANCE by Tyler, The Creator ft Brent Faiyaz & Fana Hues, Billie Bossa Nova by Billie Eilish (chile- so anyways), Washing Machine Heart by Mitski, First Time by Hozier.

[villainsapologist]

Toxic Boyfriend James!

nsfw headcannons

- Very much asshole boyfriend vibes

- He was definitely at his most evil with this look lmao. He would put you through hell but idk I’m staying put.

- He would make you cry often, whether it’s from his general behavior or from the very obvious infidelity.

- Master manipulator this man. Whenever you make up your mind to leave him, somehow you end up right back in his arms.

- Yes, he IS crying real tears for you not to leave him.

- He would have a fear of abandonment for sure. But for some reason he can’t help doing things to push you away.

- He is always self sabotaging.

- A DRUNK!!! He’s on that BOTTLE!

- Your friends hate this man. They tell you that you need to stand up. But they really just don’t get it.

- It’s not all bad of course, you’re not a complete masochist.

- When you have his attention you feel like the most important person in the world, you literally feel like the sun.

- In the privacy of your own home, he’s so sweet guys. Doting to the max. A complete lover boy.

- He loves laying his head on your stomach while you run your fingers through his hair. Loves to cuddle, he literally can’t sleep without you with him.

- Very gentle lover. When he does something to upset you (which is often), he will be wiping away your tears, placing kisses on your cheeks while you’re under him. He’s hushing you and whispering how much he loves you with each slowww agonizing thrust.

- When you’re out with him, he always has his hands firmly on your waist, shoulder, or at the back of your neck. He must be touching you at all times.

- Dates ALL the time. Movies, park picnics, fairs, whatever you suggest he’s doing it willingly. He won’t admit it but he loves the lovey dovey shit, he is yearning for it actually.

- He writes songs about you often that only you are allowed to hear. You get serenaded by his voice and guitar on many occasions.

- He is very vulnerable. You two have a lot of very long and deep conversations. He expresses how much he is afraid of being alone and all of his childhood trauma. How can you possibly leave him?!? When he comes home drunk, smelling like perfume that isn’t yours and you inevitably get into it - afterwards all you can see is a very broken person and you end up feeling bad omggg.

- He loves promising that he is going to change. Rehab and therapy are recurring topics of conversation in your house.

- When he proposes to you, you tell him NO. You’re not marrying him unless he gets actual help. That’s how he ends up in rehab for the first time and seeing a therapist finally.

- He comes out better than before and as time goes on you do see a change in him. Eventually you get married and of course it’s great. He’s the love of your life.

- Unfortunately, old habits die hard and he does relapse. It just ends up being periods of him sober and loyal followed by him falling off the wagon. Eventually you have to just make a decision on whether or not this is what you want the rest of your life to be. If left up to James he is never leaving you, despite everything, so you have to choose.

If you see me getting manipulated by this man, DO NOT interfere. I am exactly where I want to be.

But in all seriousness please run if your man is anything like this. Like be gone expeditiously!

[chelseachilly]

tired of loving from afar

pairing: mason mount x reader warnings: none, mostly fluff with a tiny bit of angst! word count: 5.3k

a/n: not me writing for someone other than ben lmao?? been really in my mase feels lately so here's a fluffy little long distance relationship fic (also was very happy to read this morning that he's likely going to be back after the international break! my heart has been hurting for him this season 🥺) have a great weekend loves 💓

-

Of the three years you’ve been with Mason, the past six months have been the hardest by far. 

You’d overcome other hurdles in your relationship, like adjusting to the exposure and demanding schedule of a professional footballer, learning to cope with your life being somewhat public and thousands of girls being in love with your boyfriend. None of this was nearly as challenging as having to adjust to him living 200 miles away from you. 

His move to Manchester was bittersweet - you were so proud of him for getting a spot at such a massive club and finally receiving the appreciation and recognition he deserves. You knew he was happy to have a fresh start and a chance to prove himself as a player. 

At the same time, it was incredibly emotional for him to leave his boyhood club, his friends, his family, and you all at the same time. You would’ve given anything to go with him, even if it meant leaving your own friends and family in London, but you were about to start your final year of uni there. You couldn’t just pack up and go, no matter how much you wanted to do so.

You’re passionate about your studies, and you knew it would all be worth it when you graduate and get a job in your chosen field - and in the same city as the man you love. You knew it was only a year.

That didn’t make it any easier to say goodbye.

You’ve both made a massive effort to see each other as much as humanly possible, going up to Manchester every time you have a break from classes or a weekend without an exam or assignment due. Mason has also come back to London any time he gets the chance, sometimes flying out just to see you for the day. You’ve been making it work, but it’s not nearly the same as living in the same house as him. Even when you were both super busy, you at least got to see each other when you woke up and before bed, and now all you have are texts and FaceTime calls. 

On a night like tonight, when you’re exhausted from the week and you just want to be wrapped in his arms watching a film, FaceTime really feels like a poor replacement for the real thing. 

“Hi, gorgeous,” Mason says, a sleepy smile on his face as he answers your call. “How was your day?”

“Hey, Mase,” you say, curling up with a blanket and admiring his face in the soft glow of his bedroom lamp. Judging by the fact that he’s in bed by quarter to nine, you figure he’s as worn out as you are. “It was okay, felt long. I finally turned in my essay, though.”

“Good work, babe, I’m sure you aced it like always.” 

You blush a little, never growing tired of how he takes every opportunity to praise your intelligence. Any time someone asks about your studies, he does a full spiel about how smart you are.

“We’ll see,” you say. “How was your day, love? Any updates at physio?”

The way his smile instantly fades makes your heart drop to your stomach, fearing the worst.

“Yeah, um-it’s looking like a bit longer,” Mason says, and you can tell he’s trying to keep his voice steady so you don’t worry too much. “Maybe another few weeks. They’re not sure.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” you sigh. “I’m sorry. I know how frustrating this is.”

The hardest part about being away from Mason has unquestionably been watching him struggle from afar without being able to properly support him. From the rocky start to the season, to being out due to injuries basically ever since, it’s been torture not being there for him. 

You went up straight away when he first injured his calf in November, needing to both emotionally and physically care for him, but you couldn’t stay long before your exams started. Since then, you’ve done your best to help from London - sending him care packages, calling him as much as your schedule allows, asking Luke and Anouska to keep an eye on him and let you know how he’s holding up. 

In moments like these, though, what you really need is to hug him and tell him everything is going to be alright. 

“Yeah, it’s a bit tough,” Mason admits, fiddling with his hoodie string. “But at least I’m back in partial training, it could be worse. I could’ve done my ACL or something, you know? I’ve been pretty lucky in my career so far.”

One of the many things you love about him is his infectious optimism, how he always sees the best in situations and in people. 

Right now, though, you’re not sure you fully believe the words leaving his mouth. He looks so disheartened and downtrodden. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” you ask, frowning. “I know it’s not the news you’re expecting, you’re allowed to be disappointed.”

“I’ll be fine, angel, don’t worry about me,” Mason reassures you. “Just missing you a little extra today.” 

“Me too,” you murmur, touching the screen and wishing it were his face. “I’m sorry I can’t make it up this weekend, but this group assignment-“

“Don’t apologize, baby, I know how busy you are this term,” Mason cuts you off, just as he always does when you try to apologize for being so far away. 

You do the same to him when he tries to say he’s sorry for uprooting your life together, for not being there when you’re stressed about school or just having a bad day. Truthfully, neither of you are at fault, it’s just life. But it still sucks sometimes. 

“We’ll see each other in a few weeks when I have my reading break,” you remind him. “Just a while longer.”

“I know, I’m counting down the minutes,” Mason smiles. 

You talk for a little while longer before you reluctantly have to go so you can get ready for bed, and you promise to call him again tomorrow night. 

The sad look on his face when you say goodnight lingers in your mind as you shower and do your skincare routine, and by the time you climb into bed, you’ve made a decision.

First, you message your group for the assignment you’re working on and ask if you can push your planned meeting to Monday rather than Saturday. Next, you text Luke and ask him to make sure Mason doesn’t have plans tomorrow night.

Lastly, you book a train to Manchester, because you’ll be damned if you don’t go cheer up your man when he needs you.

-

The moment you arrive at the train station in Manchester the next day, you hop in an Uber and make your way straight to Mason’s.

You know that he’s still at training and will be for at least another hour or so, as you’ve been texting Luke for updates so Mason doesn’t get suspicious. It’s not unusual for you to ask how his day is going, but you don’t typically ask for the exact time he plans on leaving Carrington or instruct him to go straight home after training.

Using the key that Mason gave you when he moved in, insisting that it was still your home even if you don’t live there the majority of the time, you let yourself into his house.

You drop your bags and immediately get to work on creating the perfect cozy, romantic Friday night in.

By the time you get the text from Luke that he’s on his way back with Mason, having devised a fake plan of coming over to play FIFA after training to ensure Mason didn’t make other plans, you’re just finishing up.

You’ve successfully transformed his house, which he bought furnished and has put very little effort into making homey, into a much more welcoming environment. 

You ordered flowers for the kitchen table, as well as enough groceries to make dinner for him tonight and to replenish his far too empty fridge. You did a bit of tidying, deciding to do a few loads of laundry for him when you noticed there was quite a pile forming, and it must have been a week or so since the cleaning service he pays for came. 

You put some soft music on his speakers and lit a few candles in the kitchen as well, popping a bottle of white wine into the fridge so it’s ready for your dinner. 

You’ve just started chopping a few veggies to get a head start on dinner when you hear the sound of the front door opening followed by distant voices, one of which you immediately recognize as Mason.

“Do you hear that music?” 

The sound of your boyfriend’s voice after weeks apart fills your stomach with butterflies - you’re just as giddy to see him as you were in your early days of dating. 

“Probably the neighbours, mate,” Luke responds, still playing along with your ruse. 

“I don’t think-“

Finally, the guys turn the corner into the kitchen, and you see Mason come into view with Luke trailing behind him. His eyes widen in surprise for a moment, slightly startled by there being someone in his house, and then he realizes it’s you and his mouth falls open in shock.

“Surprise,” you say shyly, while Mason is still at a loss for words. 

He immediately drops his training bag to the floor and makes a beeline for you, pulling you into a tight hug and lifting you off your feet before you can even hug him back properly. 

You relax into his arms right away, squeezing him just as tightly as he’s squeezing you and breathing in the familiar scent of his soap and aftershave, freshly showered after training. It’s the same scent that lingers on the t-shirts and hoodies that you steal from him every time you come up, wearing them until you regrettably have to put them through the wash. 

“Baby,” Mason mumbles into your neck, pressing little kisses there. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I’m here,” you confirm, wrapping your legs around his waist as he refuses to set you down or let you go. “I missed you way too much to wait another three weeks.”

He pulls back far enough to capture your lips in a sweet kiss, his hands sliding down to your thighs to support your weight as you kiss him back. You can feel the pieces of your world shifting back into place, your heart settling in your chest as you sink into his warmth.

Mason presses a few more quick pecks to your lips before reluctantly setting you down, arms still wrapped around you. It’s only then that you realize Luke is still here, shuffling awkwardly in the corner. 

“Thanks for your help, Luke,” you say with a shy smile, moving to Mason’s side. 

“Of course, the man never shuts up about how much he misses you, so it’s really a favour for me as well,” Luke jokes. “I’ll leave you guys. Enjoy your evening.”

“Thanks, mate,” Mason says with an eye roll and a grin before turning his attention back to you, pressing kisses to your head. 

“Night, Luke! Give my love to Anouska and the kids,” you call out, though you’ve also turned back to face Mason and bury your face in his chest. 

You remain in each other’s arms, just holding one another and breathing in and out for a minute or two. 

You knew you missed him, but you don’t think you realized quite how much until right now. It’s taken such a toll on both of you being apart for so long.

“How long are you staying?” Mason asks quietly, almost like he’s afraid of the answer, as he lightly rubs your lower back. 

“Until Monday morning,” you say. You wish it were longer, but three nights together is the best you’ve gotten in a long time. 

“Really?” Mason asks, pulling back and looking at you with bright eyes. “I thought you had to do your group assignment tomorrow?” 

“I pushed it to Monday, I had to come see you after we spoke last night.”

You reach up to cup Mason’s face with one hand, gently stroking his cheek with your thumb. Judging by the way he’s avoiding eye contact with you, you know you were right to come. He’s obviously been struggling with the disappointment of the never-ending injuries, all the uncertainty it’s brought. 

“I’m okay,” he says softly, turning his face to press a kiss to your palm. “Now that you’re here, everything’s okay.”

You melt at his gentle words, but they don’t do much to ease your worries about his emotional wellbeing. 

Mason gives you a quick peck on the forehead before looking around the room, noticing the food you’re preparing and the cozy, romantic vibe you created for your evening. 

“What’s all this?” he asks, a small smile on his face. 

You’re not keen to drop the subject, but you don’t want to ruin your rare weekend together by bombarding him with questions either. You know he’ll talk about it when he’s ready. 

“I just ordered some food for dinner and restocked your fridge a bit,” you explain. “I figured you would be happy to stay in tonight, so I got stuff to make your favourite pasta.”

Before he can respond, the dryer beeps, signalling that the load is done. He raises an eyebrow at you.

“Are you doing laundry?”

“I just threw a couple loads of your clothes in, I noticed you were running behind,” you shrug. 

Mason looks at you with complete awe, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” he says softly. “You being here is enough. It’s more than enough.”

You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck once more. 

“I know, but I wanted tonight to be perfect and relaxing,” you explain, pecking his lips. “No stressing about football or school or anything else. Just you and me.”

“You’re amazing, Y/N,” Mason sighs, squeezing your waist. “Can I help you cook?”

“No, but you can pour us both a glass of wine from the bottle in the fridge and sit down and tell me about your day,” you smile, kissing him one more time before pulling away to return to your meal preparations. 

Mason does as told, sneaking another few kisses when he brings you over your glass, then sitting at one of the stools at the kitchen island.

You treasure this domesticity more than almost anything with him - the simple act of chatting about your days while making dinner is something you’ve missed terribly.

When the pasta is ready, you dish it out into two bowls and bring them over to the table. 

“God, I missed your cooking,” Mason grins as he dives into his portion, obviously starving after a day of training. “It’s delicious, babe.”

“Thanks, Mase,” you reply, pouring yourself a little bit more wine. “You want some more?”

“Might as well, it’s not like I’m playing tomorrow,” Mason says, the offhand comment hurting your heart much more than he intended. 

He’s still smiling at you as you pour his drink, but you don’t believe for a second that it’s real. 

“Do you want to go tomorrow?” you ask after a minute of silence while you both eat. “I know you usually go to the home games, right?”

Mason shrugs. “Yeah, we can if you want.”

Once again, you don’t press him further, listening as he changes the subject and starts updating you on Ben’s latest girl troubles. 

After you’ve finished and cleaned up, you head into the living room to catch up on the new episodes of Drive to Survive. You always save your favourite shows for when you’re together, sometimes dodging spoilers for weeks just so you can enjoy it properly with Mason.

The moment you sit down on the couch, Mason pulls you into his arms for the first real cuddle you’ve had in weeks. You very contently lean into him, resting your head on his chest and humming in delight as Mason slides his hand under your hoodie and begins to gently stroke your lower back. It’s not with the intention of anything sexual, though you’re sure that will come later, it’s just an innate need to be as close to you as possible. 

It’s the most relaxed you’ve felt since he left your flat in London three weeks ago, your body and mind decompressing with every moment spent in his arms. 

A few hours pass, and you can feel yourself growing tired, but you’re enjoying Mason’s commentary on the Alpine rivalry far too much to interrupt and suggest you go to bed. Your yawns are betraying you, though, and Mason begins to gently run his hand through your hair.

“You ready for bed, sweetheart?” he asks softly, kissing your forehead. 

“It’s so early,” you murmur as you glance at the time on your phone, barely past 9PM, yet you can’t contain another small yawn which makes Mason chuckle. “Sorry, I guess I’m tired out from the week.”

“No worries, we have the whole weekend,” Mason smiles. “Honestly, I’m a bit worn out too. Wanna go upstairs and I’ll get us some water?”

You nod as he stands and helps you to your feet, pressing one more gentle kiss to your forehead before heading into the kitchen. You make your way up the stairs to his bedroom and head into his ensuite bathroom. 

It occurs to you as you’re flicking the light on that you forgot to grab your toiletry bag from your suitcase in his room, and you’re just about to turn back for it when something catches your eye. On one of the shelves above the toilet, there’s an array of products that wasn’t here last time you visited. More specifically, there’s a version of just about every hair and skincare product you use on a regular basis, and you really doubt that Mason has taken up doing hair treatments or using Drunk Elephant serums.

Maybe it shouldn’t mean as much to you as it does - he’s always been thoughtful, and you know the expense of buying all this is nothing to him - but for some reason, the simple gesture nearly brings you to tears. 

Mason appears in the doorway a moment later, smiling softly at you.

“You okay, love?” 

“When did you buy all this stuff?” you ask, gesturing to the shelf. 

“Oh, uh, a couple days after the last time I came to London,” Mason says casually. “I took pictures of everything in your bathroom to make sure I got the right stuff, I just wanted to make it easier for you when you visit.”

As you look into his soft, sincere gaze, your love for him feels more overwhelming than ever. 

Which means your guilt does, too. 

“Mase, I’m so sorry I haven’t been up to visit more lately,” you say, your voice unsteady. “I know you’ve been struggling, and I know you’ve been keeping a lot of it from me because I’m busy with uni, but you’re my priority and I should’ve-“

“Hey,” Mason says gently, interrupting you with a hand reaching up to cup your cheek. “Don’t ever apologize for focusing on your studies. I know how hard you’ve been working, and I’m so proud of you. You don’t need to worry about me, I’m gonna be fine.”

“It’s not fine,” you shake your head, tears now streaming down your face. “You’ve always been there for me, and now you’re in a new city and a new club and you’ve been dealing with injuries and I’m all the way across the country.”

“Y/N, we knew this would be hard, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t,” Mason says, wiping your tears away with his thumbs. “But it’s not your fault I moved clubs while you still had a degree to finish, or that I’ve had a tough season. Some things are out of our control.”

You know he’s right, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Hearing his sad, defeated voice on the phone after a disappointing medical assessment or bad game and not being able to hold him has been one of the hardest things you’ve ever done.

“I just worry about you being here all alone,” you say quietly. “I know you have your teammates and you spend a lot of time with Luke, but in London you had me and all your friends and your family was closer and - I just hate that I’m not with you.”

“You’re here right now,” Mason says, pressing his forehead to yours for a moment. “You dropped everything to come see me today, babe. You have no idea how much that meant.”

“I would do it every weekend if I could.”

“I know,” he says with a sad smile. “And I would leave all of this and spend my time helping you study and supporting you if I could, but this is our reality for a little while longer, angel.”

You sigh, nodding in agreement and staring into his big brown eyes that bring you so much comfort. 

“I’ve just missed you so much,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a tight hug. 

His own arms circle your waist and tug you impossibly closer, his nose buried in your hair so he can breathe you in.

“I know, baby, I’ve missed you too,” he exhales. “So, so much.”

You hold him for a while longer, cherishing every brush of his hand against your back and every kiss he presses to your temple. You want to memorize the feeling of his touch, so when you’re back in your bed in London a few days from now you can close your eyes and try to imagine you’re still in his arms.

After a few minutes, you break apart to finish preparing for bed. You brush your teeth together then go through your skincare routine while Mason watches fondly, letting you put some moisturizer on him when you’re done with it. Then he strips down to just his boxers, teasing you lovingly when you obviously check him out, and passes you a comfy t-shirt from his drawer to change into. You make a mental note to fill up your suitcase with a few of his hoodies before you leave - the ones you have at home no longer smell like him. 

You climb into the bed together, noticing that the side you usually sleep on has all of its pillows in place and that the nightstand is almost empty except for the glass of water he set down for you. Like he’s still been leaving that space for you even when you’re not there to fill it. 

“C’mere,” Mason says immediately, tugging you into his chest. 

You relax against him, laying your head over his heartbeat and tracing his tattoos with your finger.

“Will you tell me how you’ve really been feeling lately?” you ask in a gentle voice. He immediately tenses, and you know he still doesn’t want to discuss it, but you’re not leaving Manchester without talking to him about this. “I saw the look on your face when I asked about the game tomorrow, babe. Please just talk to me.” 

“I don’t want to burden you with all this,” Mason says, refusing to meet your gaze. “I know how busy you are-“

“I told you, you’re my priority, Mase,” you insist. “And it’s actually more concerning when I don’t know what’s going on with you. If you talk to me, then maybe I can help.”

Mason sighs and moves into a more upright position, still holding your hand and playing with your fingers as a way of grounding himself as he gathers his thoughts. 

“I just never thought it would be like this, you know?” he mutters. “I thought that coming here would solve everything I was going through at Chelsea, but in a lot of ways it’s been even harder.”

You nod for him to continue, gently squeezing his hand.

“I thought when all the contract stuff was resolved and I was at a new club everything would be fine, but then it’s just been constant injuries and trying to adjust to a whole new life without actually being able to do the thing I love most,” he goes on, making your heart splinter even more. “Fifty-five million pounds and I don’t have a single goal to show for it.”

“You can’t help that you’ve been injured, baby,” you say softly, though you know he already knows that. “If you were in top form, you’d be scoring goals all over the place. I know it.”

He smiles slightly, always grateful for your neverending confidence in him. You’ve been his biggest fan from the moment you met, cheering him on through every high and low of his career. 

“Maybe, but I haven’t had the chance to try,” he mutters. “I’m just stuck here, being useless to the club and hours away from you. I basically upended our lives just to end up not playing for months.”

“Mase, if I’m not allowed to feel guilty for us being apart, neither are you,” you say firmly. “Coming to United was the right decision. It may not feel like it now, but I promise it will in the long run. And if not, we’ll find a new place for you to show everyone how amazing of a footballer you are. Even if it’s in a different city or another country, we’ll figure it out.”

“Babe, I feel bad enough that you’re moving away from London to be here next year, I’m not gonna ask you to move again,” Mason says, still fiddling with your fingers. “I have to make it work here.”

“And I’m sure you will as soon as you’re better,” you tell him, bringing your joined hands to your lips. “But if it ends up not being a good fit, I will happily follow you anywhere you want to go.”

“Even the States?” Mason jokes, making you roll your eyes and poke him the ribs. “It would be cool to play with Messi.”

“You are not going to the MLS any time soon,” you reprimand him. “But yes, I would go to Florida for you, babe. That is how much I love you.”

Mason laughs, moving your joined hands so it’s his turn to lay kisses on your knuckles.

“Wouldn’t be so bad. The weather’s good, and we could hang out with the Beckhams,” he says, smiling against your skin. “We could take our kids to the beach-“

“Oh, our kids, huh?” you remark, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, by the time I’m actually ready to play in the MLS…” 

“Alright, we’ll move to Florida with our hypothetical children in ten years,” you say decisively. “Then you can retire and stay home with them while I work.”

“I could take them to Disney World every day,” Mason sighs happily. “Oh, and the Harry Potter thing! Our kids would love that.” 

As much as you’re both joking, the thought of a time in the future when you’re settled with a family and not having to deal with all the separation and uncertainty makes your heart feel warm and fuzzy. You can’t wait to have a family with him someday. 

“In all seriousness, babe, you’ve already accomplished so much in your career and I know you’re going to do so many more amazing things,” you tell him, reaching out to cup his cheek. “And even more importantly, you are such an incredible person off the pitch.“

Mason blushes, leaning into your palm and holding it to his face so you don’t withdraw your touch. You know he struggles to take compliments sometimes, but you also know that this is something he needs to hear. 

“Which is why I refuse to listen to you call yourself useless when you do so much for your family, the community, for me - you make everything better, Mase,” you say softly. “That’s why are so loved. It’s why I fell in love with you, not because of your job.”

He takes a moment to soak up what you’re saying, still holding your hand to his face and pressing a few kisses to your palm. 

“You mean you’re not in it for the money?” he says after a minute, eliciting an eye roll from you. 

“It’s mostly for the money, but the abs don’t hurt either,” you tease, poking his stomach and making him laugh out loud for the first time in as long as you can remember. 

Mason pulls you into his arms again, leaning back and tucking you into his chest so your nose is pressed to his neck. You give him another tight squeeze, unable to get enough of his cuddles.

“Thank you so much, baby,” he mumbles into your hair as he slowly rubs his hand over your back. “For coming and for making me talk about this stuff. You always know exactly what I need.”

“Of course, my love,” you murmur. “Just promise me you’ll keep talking to me, okay? I don’t care how busy I am, I want to know what’s going on with you.”

“I promise,” Mason swears, squeezing your hand that rests over his heart. “And the same goes for you. I know how stressful this term has been, but I’m always here even if I can’t physically be there to help.”

“I know you are,” you smile. “And I know you’re the reason Ben or Woody brought me dinner or care packages before every midterm. They wouldn’t admit it, but I suspected they were under orders to check in on me.”

Mason chuckles. “Yeah, well, gotta send in the subs when I can’t do it myself.”

You hug him even tighter, throwing a leg over his and letting him shift you back into a more comfortable position for sleep. You’re yawning again, the exhaustion finally catching up to you now that the worry gnawing at your mind over Mason has been relieved.

“So, for tomorrow,” you say, your voice lower now that you’re both getting sleepy. “I think we should go to the game with Luke and Anouska, she already texted me and asked us to come over for dinner afterward. That way you and Luke can show your faces at Old Trafford and we can spend some time with them and the kids. Then, you and I can come back home and have a bit of a romantic night in.”

Mason doesn’t respond right away, and you give him a moment before you look up at him to see if something’s wrong. But when you do, you see only an adoring gaze and gentle smile on his face.

“Is that plan good with you?” you ask, “we don’t have to do any of it, I just thought-“

“No, no, it sounds perfect,” Mason cuts you off. “You’re perfect. I was just thinking about how much I love you.”

Your heart melts even more for him, if that’s possible, and you can’t resist leaning in to press another lingering kiss to his lips.

“I love you too,” you say, pressing a few more kisses to his cheeks and nose for good measure. “Now, let’s get a good night’s sleep so I can show you how much I love you in the morning, yeah?”

Mason nods with childlike enthusiasm, making you giggle again as you lay your head back on his chest. 

You can’t wait for the time to come that all of your nights end like this, curled up next to the love of your life, but for now, you’re grateful for this one.

No matter how many miles are between you, your heart is always gonna be wherever Mason is. He’s your home, whether you’re on opposite ends of the globe or in the same bed. 

You sleep better than you have in months.

please leave me a comment if you enjoyed this or send me an ask just to chat, love hearing from all of you xx

[darsynia]

I gotchu for kiss asks - you know it's for Sam.

relieved kisses

This was unexpectedly cathartic and lovely, thank you for the ask! Roots, Sam Wilson/Reader, 1036 words, light angst, fluff, established relationship. edit: LMAO you found me a gif with dishes before reading this!?

MCU MASTERLIST | STEVE ROGERS | BUCKY BARNES

ROOTS

Sam’s exhausted. Running for your life on uneven, loose soil is as much hell on a man’s psyche as it is on the knees. His back aches from the uneven weight of his damaged wing apparatus, and the only things going for him right now are the gloves that protect him from the jagged edge of the broken wing he’s carrying and the fact that the enemy hasn’t spotted him yet.

He wonders if they found the helicopter he downed before getting hit.

He knows he’ll be rescued sometime, but that’ll be hours yet. The burning ache in his shin turns sharp in an instant and Sam hunches over, dropping the jagged wing onto his own toes as he hisses in pain. There are sounds now, a bright light, confusion, even fear--

With a ragged breath, Sam wakes up, hand reaching for the very real pain in his leg only to get his fingers bonked by a plastic toy.

“Mom said to wake you up,” AJ says, pushing his glasses up his nose with the action figure in his other hand.

“Great,” Sam groans. “Where’s your brother?” AJ shrugs the shrug of a child doing things a grown man would be verbally slain for, and lifts the first action figure as if to strike Sam’s leg with it again.

Sam snatches it just in time, turning the thing over to see that it’s an army guy, not quite a GI Joe but close. His heart clenches in his chest. To play off the reaction, he gets up and sets the figure on a high shelf, giving his nephew a hard glare followed by a more affectionate nod for the boy to head out of the room.

With a sigh, he rolls his shoulders to get out the kinks from his nap and heads into the kitchen to get some fluids, maybe flush out that nightmare. They’ve been happening more frequently, fed by a bone-deep fear of leaving someone behind, of being left.

“Hey, babe. You knock out some of that jet lag?” Your smile is warm and welcoming, even in his sister’s kitchen, and Sam can already feel the seeds of worry start to drain away. 

“Maybe if my own flesh and blood hadn’t betrayed me,” he answers--but you can sense something. “I’m good. Really,” he tells you, and your narrowed look of affectionate suspicion stirs a sheepish grin. “I had another one. I’m handling it.”

You nod soberly, reaching out to set a hand over his heart. “Those roots are tenacious. We’ll get ‘em choked out and grind down the stump.”

“You are the most violent amateur gardene--” he stops when your hand clenches into a claw and you start pulling him toward you, shirt-first. “Arborist. I know,” he corrects quickly. 

“Yes, well.” Now that he’s inches away, you brush away the wrinkles in the fabric. “A girl can either bring the violence of her job into her hobby or bring her hobby to her violent job. And I don’t think SHIELD wants me to plant a tree in the Atrium.”

His all-too-vivid dream strikes Sam sideways and he’s once again an adrift fugitive in a war zone, grounded with no easy escape. He squeezes his eyes shut, hating the way his trauma intrudes on these moments with you. When he opens his mouth to say so, your gentle hand sneaks up to his neck, to his cheek.

“Don’t-- or go ahead and say it, if you need to,” you tell him quietly. “Just know this isn’t the same thing, okay? You’re a soldier, and your pain isn’t a hobby. You don’t dwell on it for fun, and I know that. I’m here for you, warts and all.”

You make a little noise at the end of that, and Sam opens his eyes to see your face scrunched up in regret.

“Oh, so I’ve got warts now? I see how it is. Gotta drag your perfect man down from that pedestal somehow,” he teases--but even as he says this, Sam’s pressing a grateful hand against yours at his cheek, sliding your hand up and around, a hint to his next course of action. 

As always, you’re perfectly in sync, and you pull his head down for a kiss that singes his insides as much as the first one he’d earned from you months ago. Sam chases that feeling, crowding you against the counter, gripping your hip with a sure hand, his fingertips seeking the gap between your shirt and waistband. Your warm skin is sunlight, and your little pleased gasp melts his blood, sending healing tendrils of pleasure all over his body. He tastes you over and over, emboldened by your own fiery response. On the flat space behind you, something falls over, but all he needs is you, right here, in this moment.

“In my kitchen? Really?” Sarah’s outraged voice strikes the two of you apart like lightning through a solid tree. Sam reaches out and snags your hand before turning toward his sister, eyebrows stretching skyward.

“You’re the one sending your son to wake my ass up. You get what you get!”

Her arms folded at her chest, Sarah hmphs, then nods toward the dishes drying on the rack beside the sink. “Well, if you like the kitchen so much…” she dangles.

Sam twists his lips to the side, but he squeezes your hand before moving to do as he’s asked. He slides some plates into their places in the cupboard before asking, “You want to grab the cups?” --but when he turns around, he sees you following Sarah outside with a bowl of potato salad from the fridge. Sam leans over to watch your ass in those pants he loves so much, and something inside him shifts.

Normalcy. The ground under your feet when you step out onto the back yard is sold, familiar. The slightly-crooked picnic bench is cracked and worn from countless happy gatherings. Years ago he’d scratched his nephews’ birthdates in the thick wood underneath, something Sarah probably doesn’t even know about. The tree branches above sway in the warm summer wind, and somewhere upstairs, his wingsuit is whole and ready for his next mission.

He’s safe here. With you.

[localemofreak]

There’s Just No Time To Die.

(AQP Eric x fem!reader)

Based on this song:

No Time To Die - Billie Eilish

—————————————

(Just a little heads up- I made this fic before the trailer or anything about AQP Day One came out- literally I found out Joe’s characters name and that was it- but please enjoy lmao)

‼️Warnings‼️: HEAVY ANGST, a little bit of fluff but mostly angst, major character death, pure sad shit, no happy ending, etc. (if I forgot anything please tell me)

—————————————

You never expected this to happen.

Yeah that random shower thought has come up before- ‘what would happen if something invaded earth??’

But you never expected it to happen..

It had been a few days since those ‘creatures’ crashed onto earth- and you were doing your best to survive with the small group of people you were with.

One of those people in that group was a man named Eric, he had saved your life the day those things came- even though you couldn't talk, you had gotten to know each other well over the past few days.

And the more you got to know each other, the more it was obvious that your relationship was more than just some people working together to survive- or possibly even more than friends..

-FLASHBACK-

It was the day those aliens came to earth, you had just gotten off work and you were walking down the busy sidewalks of New York, just like any other boring day.

As you were walking, there was a sound in the sky, the city just seemed to just freeze for a moment- it confused you at first, but then you glanced up at the sky.

Something was shooting through the sky- and it wasn't a meteor.

Without even another second of thought being able to come through your mind, everything just seemed to turn into terror.

Floods of people had started screaming and running as this disturbing creature started ripping through cars and people, causing full chaos to blow out.

You just froze for a second, watching all these people and objects getting ripped apart- which only caused more people to scream.

It just seemed to be going after any sound.

Finally after just standing there frozen in shock- you seemed to snap out of it and started running like everyone else, you were just in too much shock to even make a noise, right now you just had to get out of there.

While you were running, trying to get away from those strange creatures- you felt someone grab onto your arm and yank you towards them, their hand automatically going over your mouth which instantly caused you to stark panicking.

Your screams were muffled thanks to the hand over your mouth, silencing you while you were quickly dragged you into a building.

Everything just seemed to happen so quickly, but you had managed to glance around your surroundings- it looked like a little book shop you were dragged in, books and other random shit scattered on the floor slightly from the instant chaos and panic.

You just continued to try and break out of the strangers arms while humming into their hand, which didn’t do anything at all.

Soon enough you were quickly dragged behind a counter- your breathing was heavy and quick into the strangers hand as you looked up at them in panic, noticing how they brought their finger to their lips, signaling for you to be quiet.

After a second you had finally stopped humming into the person’s hand, your breathing still quick as you glanced around, adrenaline just running through your veins.

You had slowly turned your gaze back to the person who practically saved your life after a moment.

It was a man- he had short curly hair, beautiful brown doe eyes that were filled with fear and panic as well and he was wearing a brown suit.

As you continued to look up at the random man who was glancing around the store, your ears were filled with the sound of screams and crashing from outside the building and on the street.

You glanced around once again, seeing people quietly hiding under tables in panic as these strange ‘creatures’ seems to rip the city apart.

Soon- all the sudden, there was silence.

For the first time in forever, New York City was quiet.

You could hear the quiet, shaky sigh of relief fall from the man’s lips- causing you to quickly shoot your wide eyes back to look at him, his hand still over your mouth as he crouched hidden in front of you.

"What the hell was that?!" One person yelled in the shop, causing your eyes to quickly move over to the person.

Before anyone could actually react- one of those creatures came bursting in, breaking the front wall of the building as it started ripping up the place.

Out of instinct, you just quickly shut your wide eyes and put your hands over your ears as the man's hand on your mouth got rougher- trying to make sure you didn’t make any sounds.

As the little shop continued to basically get ripped apart- you felt the random man’s strong arm pull you into his side, pulling you into the corner of the counter with him.

His body basically covered yours, using himself as a human shield to try and protect you- as well as himself as this monster just continued to cause terror.

You just wanted to scream, but you couldn't- you couldn’t get yourself to let out a single noise.

Finally, after a moment you suddenly felt yourself getting pulled up from the ground, which caused you to finally open your eyes.

The man moved his hand on your mouth to your hand as he quickly dragged you out of the store, running into the street to get away.

While running with the man you glanced around, there was more creatures- you couldn't even count how many, it didn't matter at that moment, you had to get shelter.

Soon enough, the man quickly yanked you into another small shop with you, quickly closing the door behind him and locking it so nobody could come in.

As you and the stranger glanced around, you noticed there was only two other people in that small shop and they were hidden behind tables, their eyes also wide with fear.

The man who saved your life was still holding your hand as he looked over at them- his breathing heavy as he just stood them for a moment staring at them, before finally putting his shaking finger up to his lips.

As he quickly pulled you to hide behind something with him- you were all were dead quiet, just waiting for the chaos to go down.

You were all strangers to each other, but at that moment, without saying a single word you all knew you guys had to work together- to survive whatever this was.

-FLASHBACK OVER-

It had been a few days, New York was still quiet and it honestly looked apocalyptic at this point.

Everybody had either fled the city or died when the creatures attacked- and you guys were planning on fleeing soon as well.

While you and the rest of your small group had started working together to survive and escape the city- you had managed to find out the stranger’s name who saved your life.

His name was Eric.

Right now, you and Eric had decided to go out, to try and get some more materials- you had both been walking the streets for a little bit before you ended up in the middle of a little shopping center.

It was obviously abandoned, nobody seen in sight- you and Eric were in the middle of the little center, walking around a dried up fountain.

Eric had his eyes open, glancing around inside empty abandoned stores while you decided to take a seat on the fountain’s edge- your legs tired from all the walking.

You both were just there, staying quiet when all the sudden you both heard something.

It was almost like a clicking/quiet screeching sound.

In panic you and Eric both froze, your wide eyes looking into his- you and him instantly knew what it was, and you both knew you had to get out immediately.

Eric had quietly motioned for you to follow him, causing you to stand up slowly before you both started quietly but quickly making your way to the large entrance of a Macy's since it was the only exit, away from the area that the sound obviously came from.

Everything seemed to be alright, you both weren’t making any noises- but as you took another step, your foot tripped over a wire- it was a trap.

You instantly both looked at each other with wide, panicked eyes.

A loud clatter was made by cans that fell from the trap- you both seemed like you were both just frozen in fear.

"Run.." Eric whispered out with wide eyes, grabbing onto your hand.

Before you even knew it, you both were sprinting down the hall of the mall, the strange creature quickly following behind while tearing apart and throwing everything in its way to the side

You mind started racing as you ran, you instantly knew there was no way out without making it out alive, but your mind also just forced you to think you could- you and Eric both could just quickly make it out of there.

As you continued to sprint hand in hand with him, monster was catching up- but you were so close to an exit.

Right as you were about to hit the exit, the creature just seemed to appear besides you and Eric out of nowhere, quickly jumping up to get at you.

Eric’s reflexes were quick enough to save you because he instantly just tackled you down to the side, pushing you and him out of the way and onto the ground with quiet little grunts.

You were on the ground for a second, Eric on top of you as you both let out quiet but heavy breaths.

Your wide eyes glanced up at him as he hovered over you, both your chest heaving up and down from the adrenaline as his wide eyes looked down into yours.

Soon enough, Eric had managed to quickly pull you behind a glass counter- the creature lurking and blocking the only exit nearby.

You slowly turned your gaze to look over at Eric, your breathing still heavy- but he was already looking at you, and there was a soft look in his eyes.. you instantly knew the look.

You just instantly started shaking your head, your eyes already filling up with tears as you tried to stay as quiet as possible.

"Please- no..." You mouthed to him, but he just nodded his head, the soft look still in his eyes while you brought your gaze down.

Tears were already starting to slowly spill down your cheeks, his hand slowly moved up to cup the side of your face as he gently made you look back up at him, his thumb wiping away the tears as you both made eye contact

"You need to run okay.." he mouthed- you just shook your head once again, letting out silent sobs while he continued to hold your face.

You were refusing to let him sacrifice himself for you, you couldn’t live on knowing that without the guilt eating you alive.

As you sat there with Eric, both looking into each other’s eyes- you had finally realized how close both your faces have gotten, so close to the point you could feel his shaky breath over your lips.

Soon enough, his lips were on yours in a soft but also passionate kiss.

You instantly kissed back, his hand still holding onto the side of your head as your hand moved up to gently grasp onto his wrist while he held your face.

Even though both of your eyes were closed, your tears were starting to slowly fall onto his cheeks, mixing with his small tears as he had started to cry as well.

After a moment, he finally slowly pulled away, continuing to cup your face as he looked into your eyes, giving a sad reassuring smile.

You already missed the feeling of his lips as soon as he pulled away, your tear filled eyes looking up into his as you continued to hold onto his wrist.

"I love you.." He mouthed, looking into your eyes as he wiped more tears from your face before slowly pulling his hand away, causing your light grip on his wrist to slowly fall.

"I love you too.." you mouthed back, both of your hands moving to hold onto his face- just not wanting him to leave you.

But Eric shook his head and slowly pulled your hands away slowly, holding onto both of your wrists as he placed small kisses in the palm of your hand while sitting there with you.

It all seemed to happen in slow mo as you quickly shook your head while he started slowly letting go of your hands, moving them onto your lap as he started standing up.

Silent sobs started escaping from you once again as he quickly ran out from behind the glass counter, running out of the department store and back into the mall.

"Hey- come get me you son of a bitch! Come on!!" He yelled out, causing the creature to instantly sprint out of the area you were hiding in.

You had slowly stood up from behind the counter, your eyes wider than they have ever been as you watched as the creature quickly run after Eric.

You just froze as you watched it basically start ripping him into shreds in front of your eyes, his screams of pain filling your ringing ears before it went silent- the only sound being the creature and the ringing in your ears

Your heart just dropped into your stomach right there- you didn’t even know what you were feeling, it was worst than any pain you ever felt- it just felt like everything inside of you collapsed, your brain felt numb and everything stung inside and outside of you.

Tears streamed down your face before finally- you had gotten yourself to move and made a run for it, running out of the exit even though your legs felt like they just wanted to give out.

You just wanted to scream at that moment, you didn’t find a purpose in trying to survive anymore without Eric- but you knew you had too, it was what he would have wanted, it IS what he wanted.

You just continued running away, leaving behind the man who not only saved your life, but sacrificed himself for you.

[lxstfathier]

Dom!William Afton with a breeding kink x an inexperienced and shy F!Reader? Maybe even their first time 🫣

You have no idea how much i love breeding kink, so it was a pleasure to write this, hope you like it! 💗

Innocence

William Afton x Reader

Warnings: blood, breeding kink, loss of virginity, wiliam just killed someone and now he wants to fuck lmao.

As soon as you hear the front door open, you drop whatever you were doing and run all the way there, just to greet your boyfriend with a big hug as you always do.

But tonight is different. When you see William with dried blood all over his hands and his purple shirt, you stop dead in your tracks a few meters away, admiring the horrible scene, not sure of what happened to him. Maybe he had an accident? you don’t know, but it makes you feel really worried.

“Will?” you say his name softly, slowly walking up to him. “Why are you covered in blood? what happened?”.

“I’m fine, bunny, don’t worry about it” he shrugs it off, as if it wasn’t a big deal to be a bloody mess.

“Obviously you’re not fine, you have blood everywhere!”.

You try to touch his stained shirt, but he stops right you before you do it, wrapping his right hand around your wrist.

“It’s not mine” he says, with a deep low voice that makes you feel shivers down your spine. “Now why don’t you stop worrying and give me a little kiss, hm?”

When you look up at him, you can clearly see that something is a bit… odd. His eyes are dilated, leaving little space for his blue irises, small droplets of blood are barely visible on his glasses, and he’s breathing heavy. Something unusual. But you find it strangely hot, so you don’t care, you obey and get on your tiptoes to give him a soft kiss on the lips.

However, William is not in the mood for a simple innocent kiss. He just took the life of someone less than an hour ago, he can still feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, and there’s nothing he craves more than to ruin your innocence and take all of his stress out on you.

So he corners you against the wall, deepening the kiss, pushing his tongue into your mouth as he puts his knee between your legs, pressing it slightly to your clothed heat.

“You’re gonna be mine tonight” William growls between kisses, more as a declaration than a question, gripping your jaw with his bloody hand, intoxicating all your senses with the intense iron smell. “There’s no escape this time”.

And you would be lying if you said that you don’t feel a little bit of fear. You’ve never been with a man before, you don’t know what to do, and he seems to be out of his mind for some reason. But you try your best to stay calm, just letting it happen, unbuttoning his shirt with shaky hands.

William moves his lips from your mouth to your neck, sucking and biting the sensitive skin while his big hands find its way under your shirt, playing with your soft tits, making you feel butterflies in your lower belly.

“Will” you whimper, not sure of what else to say, but clearly begging for more than just kisses and lingering touches.

“What, bunny?” he asks, pinching your hard nipples. “Want me to fuck you already?”

“Y-Yes. Please.”

When he hears those sweet words come out of your lips, he takes you to the couch, not even bothering in going to the bedroom. So desperate to finally break you and ruin you for any other man, stripping you naked as fast as he can, admiring your beautiful body for a second before pushing you to the comfy sofa.

But you feel exposed, and really nervous, so you close your legs as you lay on your back, too shy to fully reveal yourself to him.

“C’mon, don’t hide now. Let me see that pretty pussy” William says, prying your legs open with his hands, watching with a hungry gaze at you perfectly untouched cunt, all ready for him.

He runs a thumb over your slick folds, and then rubs your clit in fast circular motions, causing you to squirm and whine at the sudden pleasure.

“So fucking wet already” he grunts. “You want this as much as i do, don’t you, bunny?.”

“Mhm” is all you manage to say, too lost in the way he’s touching you so deliciously.

But, when you feel your orgasm start to build up, William stops his movements, taking his hand up to lick his thumb, enjoying the sweet taste of your juices mixed with the innocent blood.

You should feel grossed out, but there’s something in the sickness of it that makes you feel even more aroused, biting your lower lip in anticipation as you see him take off his shirt and unbuckle his belt.

Finally, his cock springs free, and your heart beats faster when you see the size of it. It’s big, way more than you thought, how are you supposed to take that if you can barely take one of your fingers?.

“I- It’s not gonna fit” you say, shaking your head as he lines the pink tip of his cock to your tiny hole.

“I’ll make it fit.”

Without a warning, William starts sliding inside your wet cunt, and you can’t help but whine at the painful stretch, digging your nails into his arms, toughing it out like a good girl.

“So fucking tight” William growls once he’s fully sheathed in your walls, looking down at the bulge he’s creating in your tummy. “You’re taking me so well, fuck-“

He gives you few seconds to adjust to his cock, and then starts thrusting at a slow pace, so deep that you can almost feel him in your guts, making you roll your eyes back in pleasure.

But William can’t hold back anymore, he speeds his movements, soon fucking you at a brutal pace, pounding your tight pussy as if there was no tomorrow, while you just moan and squirm under him.

“You feel so good, bunny” he grunts, hitting that soft spot inside you that has you seeing stars. “This pussy was made for me, fuck-“

You scratch his back, so lost in the delicious sensation of his cock dragging against your walls, feeling the knot in your stomach grow tighter.

“Cum in me, Will, please” you whine, wanting nothing more than to feel his load inside you.

“Yeah? you want me to fill you up?” He groans, reaching down to play with your clit again. “You want me to breed this little pussy? Get you pregnant just for everyone to see that i ruined your innocence?”

His words, mixed with the fast movements on you bundle of nerves is enough to drive you over te edge, clenching hard around him as you writhe in pure bliss, letting the orgasm flow through every part of your body.

William follows right after you, grunting as he thrusts hard a few times, finally spilling all of his hot cum into your fertile womb, almost crushing you under his weight as he comes down from his high.

After you’re both done, he doesn’t pull out, he stays inside you for a while as you catch your breath, just sharing a tender moment, with your sweaty bodies still intertwined.

“Can’t wait to see you all round with my child” he says, looking down at you with his pretty blue eyes, giving you a soft kiss on the lips as you play with his beard. “You’re gonna be the best mom ever, i know it…”

[jd-loves-fiction]

For the Contes de Fées, i would like to ask for Azul, then you first meet him. Sfw or nsfw its up to you in the happy ending. (I dont feel like crying today lmao)

Gn reader if possible, you know who this is~

-🐙🐕

💐This one turned out quite shot but I'm losing steam fast :( hope you enjoy it hun!! ❤️

❧ A simple bargain

❧ When the sky had turned dreadfully dark, you should've turned tail and ran. But what hope did you have of outrunning a storm so close.

So you prepared for the worst and prayed. Before you knew it, you'd been thrown overboard so roughly, you were out before even hitting the water.

To survive would have been a miracle – one you did not believe in. And yet, you feel the tug of consciousness against the back of your head hours later, back upon cool rock and the scent of something cooking invading your nose.

You come to slowly and with much effort, regaining use of each of your limbs with slight twitches until they finally listen to your commands. Sitting up seems an impossible feat as you’re left gasping just from trying.

“Welcome back, captain.” The sudden greeting makes you double your efforts of standing up to know who saved you, though the silky voice is entirely unfamiliar.

When you succeed, you turn toward where the voice had come from to see a smartly dressed man tending to a pot.

You blink your eyes purposefully, making sure your eyes do not deceive you. The man is pale as birch, with hair like strands of silver and a smile that spells trouble without a doubt. It’s still not clear to you if you are truly awake.

“How– Who–?” Your voice fails you, raspy and as broken as you feel – aching down to your very bones, skin both cold and clammy and a strange taste in your mouth.

“Don't strain yourself, captain. Keeping you alive through the night was not at all easy and I’d hate for my efforts to be wasted before you can pay me back.” The man speaks with the practiced ease of a slimy businessman, though he must be nothing of the sort given the way his pale skin catches the light in such an mesmerizing way… plus the fact that the cave you find yourselves in has no entrance besides a pool of dark seawater.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Azul, though I respond to ‘savior’ just as well.” He finally seems to give you his full attention, only to give you a cheeky response.

“How do I know you’re not lying about saving me?”

“Do you see anyone else here?” He gestures around himself in a wide, dramatic arc and from that movement alone you can tell he’s going to be a pain in the neck.

“How do you know who I am? Why did you save me?” Questions rush out of you like a waterfall as your senses finally return to you in full. You’re head is spinning and aching, trying to make sense of what you know happened, where you are, who he could possibly be–

“So many questions… you’re lucky I’m a patient man.” Azul heaves a long-suffering sigh, standing from his stone seat to move closer to you, making you tense up, “I know who you are because I’ve been watching you and I saved you because I believed you’d be of use to me were we to make a deal. Which we will, once you get your bearings.” He stands a mere two steps from where you sit, back straight as a rod and spewing such overconfident nonsense you fear he might’ve seen the future to be so sure. If not for the way his fingers twitch at his sides, anxious.

“You sound so sure, and yet you don't look it.” He seems stunned at the accusation, subtly flinching in surprise. Seems you're more shrewd than he expected. 

“There's always a degree of assumption or probability to deals such as these. I tend to avoid falling into blind confidence.” He pulls himself together so quickly that your weakened mind accepts it without question.

“What's this about a deal?” You bring a hand up to your aching forehead – dealing with businessmen is an endeavor guaranteed to give you a headache every time.

“I saved your life, so now there's the matter of how you'll pay me back.” Azul states simply, almost patiently – if you were to take his words at face value.

“Right. Can't I just pay you back?”

“I have plenty of money. There's something much more valuable that I want from you.” That can't be good.

You wait for him to name his price himself, but he simply looks at you expectantly – how dramatic, “What would that be?”

“Your heart.”

“...What?”

[igetnosleep]

The Night We Met

Second attempt at angst might try again with the next one. I'm glad you all liked "Finally home" I guess you people were rabid for something soft..makes me feel like I hold power here lmao. Also this is connected to "Finally Home" and "Comfort" since those kind of inspired me to write this...Strangers to Lovers cause I like that shit.

So canon typical violence (it's RE so not surprising) and happy reading!

You didn’t like Leon.

Maybe it was the situation or the fact that you couldn’t bear to separate yourself from him after you managed to escape Raccoon City but you didn’t want to stay away from him.

You’d so happen to meet the stupid blonde when you nearly bludgeoned him with a rusty pipe in the darkened halls of the police station. Too many fucking rooms too many of the undead trying to crawl through the windows, not enough sleep in your system to get through the night that seemed never ending.

All of this happening in the span of a day or two.

You’d seen your friend die in front of you by one of those..things. Now here you were with a man you’d just met who was supposed to be a cop.

“Come on, aren't you a cop?!” You hissed hearing the groans and shuffling through the halls as he held your hand like he was trying to guide you. You’d be kicking and screaming if it didn’t mean certain death. Leon only shrugged, looking to the side almost nervously under your scrutinizing gaze, “It’s my first day.” 

You blinked, staring at him, “The fuck did you just say?” you whispered a bit too quietly, too calmly for his liking. Leon didn’t need to turn around to see your face; he could feel your piercing gaze against his temple, almost debating if you should take him out with you.

“I said-”

“I know what you just said.” 

“Then why did you-” 

“Leon, I'm going to hit you if you don’t shut up.”

He promptly kept his mouth shut until you deemed it okay.

Leon didn’t have survival instincts like you’d expect him to. Always eager to help, always sticking to the rules, you’d even tried to reason with him but he wasn’t swayed, if it weren’t for the fact that you were in the middle of the apocalypse, you’d admire him, but you’d almost hit him before you jumped at the sight of the man on the other side of the jail cell turn into a bloody pulp by the..whatever it was as it walked away.

You never considered yourself kind, some of the things you did while finding a place to hide out would be considered heartless. You accepted that you’d never get into heaven, your tongue having spewed more blasphemy in your life time that you were sure that Saint Peter would smile kindly before pushing you down into the lake of fire before disinfecting his hands and going back to his post.

Leon believed in an afterlife. He liked to believe that his parents were somewhere better, somewhere kinder than the life that they were given. Something more peaceful than the death they had lived.

“You speak from experience?” You asked him, earning an expression you could only read as shame from him, you could picture the dog ears pressed against his head. The way he looked like he wanted to cry maybe it was him missing home, you didn’t blame him, you wanted to go home too. You sighed not imagining that this was how you’d spend the apocalypse squeezing the hand of a rookie cop in an attempt to tell him that it would be okay?

The halls of the police station and the foreboding dread in your gut, Leon was a good distraction from the constant stream of fear. You’d squeezed his hand and tried to imagine something better than whatever was trying to kill you at the moment.

You didn’t like Leon, you found him cute, like a puppy it was hard not to look at him and forgive him right away. His face was soft, eyes wide and hopeful. All he had to do was look at you a certain way and you wanted to pet him. You obviously wouldn’t because hello you just met the guy. He felt soft too, healthy and still had his baby fat.

He reminded you of a golden retriever, maybe even a labrador. Dogs were nice to think about. Now imagining him with dog ears made you smile a bit. A small bit of peace one he gave you while he was flattered by the attention you gave him he never admitted it though. With cheeks tinted red “That would be embarrassing.” the rookie cop thought to himself.

Leon liked you. Maybe more than he could admit at the moment. Maybe because he latched onto you faster than a baby chick would to the first thing it saw. He liked the way you latched onto him recalling the way Marvin side-eyed him reminding him to keep his head on a swivel. “Just because you found someone doesn’t mean you can have your head in the clouds, understand?” a quick “Yes, sir.” from him and he pulled you along with him.

Was that the selfish thing to do?

Drag a civilian along with him?

You were pretty, yes, he would never deny it, the way you did things the hard way because it was the only thing you could think of at the moment. But it did make him smile when he bothered you about it.

You looked cute when you pouted, cheeks tinted red in embarrassment. “Shut up. It was the only thing I could think of.” you whined as he laughed. 

Why’d he have to look like a ray of sunshine? Why’d he have to make you feel..happy?

You didn’t like Leon.

You didn’t.

You don’t.

“What did you do before this?” he asked curiously while you were stuck in one of the rooms waiting for the undead to pass by, his voice cutting you out of your thoughts. You looked up from the ground humming in thought.

“Tax fraud.” 

“Seriously?”

“No, you big goof. I was a barista, worked in a coffee shop, over…somewhere.” 

He noted the way your hand waved dismissively down the street from the police station right he noticed it from the fence. He fumbled around with his gun for a moment pretending to check the magazine while he pondered, maybe if he’d been here just a week early. 

Maybe he would have met you, how would you look when you smiled or laughed at a joke. 

He pushed the magazine back into place, shaking himself out of his thoughts. A weight settling on his shoulder had him tense, turning and looking over at you seeing you lean on his shoulder. Leon relaxed a small smile playing on his lips as he admired you. 

You leaned on him, your body relaxing just a moment as he offered his shoulder, he was thoughtful, you liked that about him. His hand came up to your back and gently rubbed circles between your shoulders. “You’re doing great.” he hummed, leaning his forehead against yours, you could only glare weakly as he was using those stupid puppy eyes on you. You poked the soft pudge hiding under the bulletproof vest. “Shut up.”

A small bit of silence left you two relaxed momentarily forgetting about the shuffling and the random thumps and bumps against the door.

Ada was someone you didn’t trust, she spoke to the point but in circles, never willing to give you a straight answer. In all honesty, if it were any other day if it didn’t feel like the world was ending, you’d be fawning over her like some sort of moron.

For fucks sake she was wearing heels during a zombie outbreak you internally felt yourself putting her on a pedestal practically forgetting about survival and choosing to trust this woman who looked like she was coming out of a fashion catalog.

Noticing your staring Ada, snapped her fingers at you and you stood in attention feeling your face burn in embarrassment. Great, now you look stupid in front of the pretty lady.

Leon didn’t hide his admiration for her, you couldn’t blame him, she had an air of confidence, independence, a person who you wanted to be with but couldn’t attain.

She was mildly amused by your poor attempts at flirting “You’d have better luck telling Leon those jokes of yours.” She hummed as you helped bandage her leg. You only looked confused “What do you mean?” “Come on, you're practically clinging to him giving him those eyes,” She gestured vaguely to your face, you’d still stared at her confused, she rolled her eyes staring at you in disbelief “You’re telling me you don’t like him?” You snort hearing it echo through the sewer “No.” she didn’t seem amused with you.

The train leading away from the city was melancholic and frankly bittersweet, you made it. Somehow you survived just when you were about to leave a note or something for someone to find on your corpse. Leon looked somewhat satisfied relaxing as he just leaned on your shoulder as the train went on towards an unknown location.

His hand gripped yours, fingers interlacing, a nap sounded perfect at the moment. His body was screaming for rest and you felt like a small piece of heaven. Your thumb swiped over his knuckles. “Go on. I’ll wake you up when we stop, okay?” He couldn’t say no to that.

The woman, Claire, stared at you from the corner of her eye. A clear need of an explanation was visibly wanting to pry you for an explanation.

“We met in the police station.” She deflated sitting down on the ground next to…Sherry? Her name was? Yeah she introduced herself to you almost enthusiastically in her tired state, fell asleep like a rock to the insistence of you and Claire. “Sorry we arrived in the city together and we got separated. I thought something happened to him.” She admitted their relationship, acquaintances, “Something almost happened, I almost hit him with a pipe.” Claire felt bad that she laughed at that.

The train stopped a few hours later and once you all reached civilization it was time to go your separate ways. Claire was looking for someone and whatever happened down in Umbrella she looked determined to investigate it. 

You understood why but after everything, you just wanted to suppress the memories and go on with your life and you agreed to take in Sherry. Claire looked like she felt bad but you waved her off, “I’ve got like five cousins her age. She’ll be fine.” you assured the redhead as she hugged you, she didn’t look like she was the maternal type anyway, she was younger from what you gathered about her talking about her brother. 

She should be able to find him without worrying about the safety of someone else.

A brief glance around your shoulder saw Leon looking exhausted, the mental fortitude he had to not break down crying was worrisome. You couldn’t blame him. You felt the same, what do you do in that situation now that you had to look after someone, you couldn’t cry or scream. No, Sherry wouldn’t react well to a breakdown. 

You offered your hand to the little girl and she hesitantly accepted as Leon led the way with a hand on your back as you managed to find a military base ahead.

Looking back, a part of him wished he had been more vigilant, maybe he could have protected you and Sherry. Instead you were both dragged off somewhere with blindfolds over your eyes. He fought against the men screaming at them to bring both of you back only to get a whack to the back of his head and he was out like a light. 

Leon woke up after the men had separated from both of you. Heart pounding his breathing erratic as a man in front of him commended him for making it out of Raccoon City alive. “Rookie with a hell of a first day.” wearing a crooked smile that made his stomach turn. 

Where were you? Were you okay? Did they hurt you?

They made him an offer. An ultimatum. They didn’t really give him much of a choice.

You had been sitting alone clutching Sherry close afraid of the men surrounding you, hands close to their weapons and their eyes wandering staring trying to get a read on you. Your leg bounced the heel of your shoe clicking against the ground, you were sweating bullets, heart beating rapidly. 

You tried to calm down. Nothing was working.

When you saw Leon again after what felt like hours you practically ran up and hugged him, his arms wrapping around you squeezing you so close you almost missed the way he was shaking. His face buried in your neck fingers curling around your shirt wrinkling the already ruined fabric. He only pulled away to kiss your shoulder whispering apologies into your skin. “I’m sorry.” 

It was like you blinked and he was gone, gone to whatever new hell they’d introduce him to. The government relocated you and Sherry, not together I’m afraid. 

You tried to live life like normal but nothing got rid of the nightmares. Dates ran away from your screaming like roaches to sudden exposure to light. New forms of comfort taken from scalding hot showers and wrapping yourself in blankets galore. You nabbed a pitbull from some dumpster. It didn’t seem to matter.

A part of you wanted Leon back. Someone who understood you, someone who'd give you a shoulder to cry on at the moment. You were ashamed to admit that you needed him so bad. It was only one night. One fucking night he didn’t sleep with you. Not like that anyway. Why did you feel so strongly for that dumb blond?

You didn’t like Leon.

You didn’t.

You didn’t.

Six years later you saw Leon again.

Standing at your door looking different from the rookie cop you met that night.

A frozen look of shock on your face as you stared at him.

Your mouth felt dry, your blood went cold.

Oh fuck.

You liked Leon.

[waihtie]

Watching and washing

Season 5 Episode 16 - Dark Side of the Moon

*wakes up to a gun in his face* *he's calm, but instantly checks on Sam*

○ "Wanna spend the rest of your life knowing Dean Winchester's on your ass? Because I don't." The power he holds. He's known. He's feared.

"When I come back, I'm gonna be pissed." Boy knows he can't stay dead.

Imagine having plot armour that thick

○ Aand they're both dead. RIP boys for my guess is not even a whole episode

We actually get to see them in heaven?!? I love it. Like so much.

○ "I'm dead" "Condolences" I love Cas more than literally anything

He can't visit heaven, so he's using a spell to speak to him through his car radio

○ Lmao Dean found Sam's heaven. There's a road connecting all the heavens.

Awee Sam understanding why Dean is in heaven, but not himself. This man's self-worth has been so low all season.

Also, interesting how Dean's heaven is a moment between him and Sam and Sam's is a time with another family. Each speak a lot to their characters.

○ Heaven is just people reliving their best memories

○ Zachariah needs to return them to their bodies so they can be vessels, but Cas doesn't want them to just yet. Wants to use them in heaven to find an angel named Joshua first.

FUCKKKKKK It deleted everything after this point. This was such a long post, too. Let's see what I can remember

Cas says Joshua talks to God and is in the garden in the center of heaven

○ Back to one of Dean's memories

"I just never realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes." Dean has been doing it even before they lost Mary (and he was only 4 when that happened)

Even when they're in heaven, there's so much trauma.

○ Back to one of Sam's memories

And of course there's more trauma

"And when Dad came home…" Dean can't even finish this sentence

And even more trauma

○ Zachariah wants to send them back to earth, but he still needs them to say yes, so he's gonna fuck with them a bunch first

○ ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH ASH

I love you. I never thought we'd see him again.

Dude's hacked heaven. Man, have I mentioned I love him? He hops around other people's heavens.

"He wrote the Kama Sutra. That boy’s heaven? Woah. Sweaty. Confusing." So Gay. I love it.

Dude's hacked angel radio

He says he's met the boys a few times here already. Each time they get revived, they forget heaven. Are they going to remember this time?

Awe they have to tell him Jo and Ellen died

He hasn't found Mary or John in heaven

○ Dean thinks these individual heavens sound lonely. And he doesn't like the fact that nothing around him is real. It's all a remake.

(I'm reading a fanfic that is the PERFECT season 16, and it has a lot of exactly that - Dean hating that heaven isn't real, so he misses earth)

○ Pamela is here

She's trying to convince Dean to say yes. Feels sketchy.

○ "I’m sure I’ll see you again soon." Ash knows how it goes.

○ Mary is saying all sorts of traumatizing stuff and has yellow eyes. I guess Zachariah found that way to fuck with them.

Zachariah is saying he's doing this memory of their mother. Disturbing.

He's mad that they've ruined his reputation

Some guy interrupted and says God will be mad if Zach doesn't let him talk to the boys alone. I take it that's Joshua.

They're in the garden. It looks different to different people. To them it's the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. They went there once on a field trip.

God has a message for them: "Back off."

"He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn’t think it’s his problem. God saved you already. He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel." He's finished helping

"This time, God wants you to remember" there's that answer.

○ Aand they're back on earth

○ Hi Cas, baby

He's all depressed bc he just lost his faith after learning how much of a dick God is.

"You son of a bitch. I believed in…"

He gave back Dean's God-finding necklace. Then dipped.

He looks so good being all down and depressed. I love a pathetic man.

And Dean threw it out bc it made our boy sad (or because he also lost faith bc of what Joshua was saying, and because he's mad at God, but imma go with it's because it made our baby sad)

It was so special to him

Let's hope I got all my thoughts down. I'm very angry at this stupid app.

[depressopax]

hiii! im not sure if you write for gus (brba/bcs) but if you do, could i request a few headcanons (sfw or nsfw) of him with a gender neutral partner if possible :0 maybe qualities he finds attractive/would like in a partner, physically or personality wise or whatever you have in mind:] tysm ! i hope youre having a good one ♡

Tysm for the request!! <3 I made it into some relationship headcanons but tried mentioning what he likes in a partner etc… It may have turned out a bit dark lol, sorry ‘bout that 😭 Anywaysss hope ya like it! Have a good day anon!! 🫶

Gus Fring relationship headcanons

Fandom - Breaking Bad/Better call Saul

Gus x gn!reader - (N)SFW headcanons

Pairing: Gus Fring x gender-neutral reader Genre: Fluff, smut, (kinda angst too??), headcanons Warning(s): Slightly possessive Gus, cuss words. Sexual content (marked further down as “NSFW”, MDNI! Dom/sub dynamic, degradation. Words: 1.4k Summary: Being in a relationship with Gus Fring would include…  English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3 || AO3 link || Masterlist || Request ||

SFW

First time Gus saw you was at Los Pollos Hermanos.

You were there with some friends and you immediately caught his eye.

Maybe it was your smile, your eyes or the way you talked to your friends that made his heart skip a beat

That, or the fact you and him made eye contact at least 4 times. 

But because of his dangerous life and past relationship traumas, he let you slip through his fingers, to not drag you into his chaos.

Or so he thought at least.

Truth is, you felt a spark, too. There was something dangerous about him, but also something charming.

Curious as you were, you went to LPH more often, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious man - eventually learning he’s the manager. 

Gus of course noticed you being there more often. Ignoring you got harder.

One day you decided to shoot your shot - the same day he decided to strike a conversation with you. 

You learned his name is Gustavo Fring.

There was something about his smile and way of talking that charmed you.

But he also seemed very reserved and troubled. He seemed afraid to answer your flirting and got really flustered from it.

Just as you were about to give up your flirting attempts, he surprised you by asking you out on a date.

Of course, you said yes.

Gus enjoys good food and luxury, so it was no surprise he took you to a 5-star restaurant for the first date - his treat.

Not having been on a “real date” in over a decade, Gus was a nervous wreck lmao

Luckily he is good at handling stress. You barely noticed the emotions he kept under the surface. 

The date went really well. Gus is a good listener and listened to you in a way that was rare.

Even when you got a bit too nerdy about your interests, he listened with a smile. 

 But it did make you a bit concerned when he dodged questions about his own personal life. 

He realized himself how weird that must've come across, getting anxious that you wouldn’t contact him again.

Luckily, you did. 

Gus kept taking you on dates. 

The more he got to know you, the harder he fell in love. 

Actually - he figured he was in love already after the first kiss. 

Once getting clarity in what he felt, he knew what he had to do - Telling you the truth about who he is.

The fear of losing you was big. 

…But the fear of you staying, becoming part of his dangers - was bigger.

He explained to you how he had fallen in love with you, before dropping the bomb.

You were shocked, of course. 

After some days of thinking about what he’d told you, you made a decision.

Upon telling him; Gus felt a wave of emotions: Confusion, happiness, relief but also anxiety. But he put all that aside. 

Gus officially became your boyfriend and you couldn’t be more happy - neither could he.

All dangers aside - Gus does everything to be “boyfriend material” lol

His love language is touch, and words of affirmation.

He doesn’t let a day go by without telling you how much he loves you. 

He always wants you close - just holding your hand makes him feel good. 

He also likes spoiling you - expensive gifts, homemade dinners, road trips with him etc… 

He basically spends all his spare-time with you.

You spend a lot of time in his house, with or without him.

He has money, enough to provide you safety. 

Because of his enemies, and dangerous life, Gus gets very overprotective and a bit possessive.

Ngl he’d probably hire a bodyguard for you whenever you are away in another town with friends/family 😭 Or ask Mike to keep an eye on you lol

He’d be too paranoid to openly be in a relationship with you - but tell a few people he really trusted. If he could, he’d tell the whole world tho. He loves you and it frustrates him to not be able to tell people.

Gus is very good at reading people, so he often can see if something is wrong.

He’s a good listener and tries to always see things from your POV

He rarely gets mad at you either. 

Most of the time he’s calm and understanding.

He tries to always be there for you, if not with advice, at least with support and to offer you comfort. 

He also gives really good hugs 😌✨

Same goes for your interests/hobbies. He learns for example how to crochet, paint or whatever so you can make it a date.

He’ll let you talk about things you like for hours

Gus is not the type of person that likes indoor activities. Of course he appreciates movie nights, but I feel like he enjoys spending time outdoors.

Going hiking, walks in the forest, sightseeing etc etc

Weather doesn’t really matter to him. He’s def one of those that tells you to “Dress depending on the weather 🤪🤪” 

He enjoys cooking food for you, but also with you.

He’ll teach you some old family recipes 

When eating, he lits candles and makes it cozy so it feels like a restaurant. 

Gus appreciates movie nights too. Snacks, wine and cuddles whilst watching something.

Gus is cheesy in the way of envisioning his future with you.

He knows that one day, he wants to marry you.

As for starting a family, he’d like that - if you want to have kids too, ofc.

Otherwise he’ll just be happy to marry you and always have you by his side.

To summarize: Gus is very overprotective when it comes to you, but his criminal lifestyle aside - he loves you deeply and a relationship with him would be passionate.

NSFW

I feel like he’s definitely a dom

But more of a soft dom.

He’s on top, always. Convincing him otherwise is not easy.

He can get pretty rough, but would never hurt you or make you uncomfortable.

His sex drive isn’t that high, but he makes an exception for you.

Besides, you just happen to turn him on a lot 🤭

He prefers to do it at home and in bed

However… If you happen to tease him when in public, he’ll find a private spot and just take you there. “You couldn’t wait until we got home? Pathetic” …As he thrusts into you and muffles your moans with his palm

He prefers to take you at a fast pace, one that’ll leave you breathless.

He has a lot of pent up frustrations and releases all tension in the bedroom. 

He’ll have you laying under him, pinning your wrist over your head as he makes you into a moaning mess.

He has a lot of stamina and can go at it for hours.

If he’s feeling rude, he’ll have you beg for him and/or plead for him to slow down to give you a break.

Only for him to laugh and tease you for it “My poor baby… Look at me.” “I’m not done with you just yet.” “Be good for me, my love.”

When it comes to you, he likes both praising and degrading you - doing so equally.

He’ll have sweet nicknames for you as well as insulting ones.

After sex, you’ll be covered in hickeys, which he’ll praise you for.

He prefers giving oral, merely because he’s in full control of your pleasure. 

When going down on you, he’s a tease.

He’ll have you begging for him to use his mouth on you.

And he knows how to do it, too.

Gus likes using his hands too, to stimulate your area or other body parts.

He’ll grab your hips, thighs etc roughly, hard enough to leave marks.

When receiving, he likes being in control too.

He’ll hold your head still and move his hips to his own liking.

Gus prioritizes aftercare. He wouldn’t go to sleep without being reassured you’re ok after a rough session.

He’ll clean you and the bed up, run a bath for you, cuddle, give massage etc

Although he can be meanie during sex, he gives affection, praise and love afterwards, putting the dominant act away. 

He falls asleep after you. 

Since he’s rough in bed, you often end up falling asleep faster than usual - especially when he hugs you lovingly too. 

He likes seeing your sleeping figure and falling asleep knowing that you’re all his… 

[tokoyamisstuff]

They're on the complete opposite ends of the Introvert-Extrovert spectrum lmao.

x gn! Reader | no warnings

Alucard:

"I have loved you for a hundred lifetimes, and I will love you for infinite times to come. So say yes; like you did 500 years ago, like you did 100 years ago...like you will when I find you again after this life."

Let's just say due to rebirth, this is not your first time around with this man, even though only he can remember. So he's very confident that you'll accept.

Will be very old-fashioned about his approach, because, well...he's old. Asks your family (or preferable friends) for their blessing, even though he doesn't really care. It's more symbolical than anything. Because no force, earthly or otherworldly, could keep him away from you either way.

The vampire is a drama queen and also a man of big gestures. Asks you in public, surrounded by your loved ones, and has thought every little detail through.

Later on he'll ask you in private again, just to be sure he didn't pressure you. Probably has a lot of keepsakes from your past lives to show and reminisce about.

Will make a very symbolic gift, such as his literal heart or an artifact able to kill him to symbolize how much you mean to him, and that his life wouldn't make any sense without you in it.

Anderson:

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame deep inside of me."

Song of Solomon 8:6 (modified)

With him it will come totally out of the blue, probably during an intimate moment the two of you share. You'll take an innocent stroll through the garden and he'd simply admire you tucking a flower behind your ear when he suddenly blurts out 'marry me'.

If your answer is yes he's absolutely flabbergasted. Instantly gets reduced to a stuttering, flustered mess. Like did he really just say that aloud? And you accepted?? What is happening?! Kiss him and the poor guy will have a short circuit.

This man is repressed and does not talk about what's going on inside of him at all - partly due to religious aspects, but mostly fear of your reaction shall you ever see how disturbed he truly is. Tries to explain his feelings for you through bible verses, obviously.

As soon as Heinkel and Yumie get wind of this they'll scold him severely for being so unromantic and ill-prepared. Convince him to wrap this up again, properly this time. He'll most likely involve the orphans into this, it'll be adorable. Falls onto one knee and solemny swears to protect and care for you until his dying breath, if that's truly what you wish.

When you're finally alone with each other he'll break down, opening up about how he had always cursed his twisted existence but how you changed his whole perception of life, and that he can finally allow himself to be happy at your side.

[sundrop-writes]

Sundrop's Spooky Fics

So because Halloween is coming up, I decided to put together a rec list of my fics that are perfect for Halloween - none of these are really directly Halloween themed, but they have Halloween or spooky vibes. I divided them up between fics that are on Tumblr and fics that are on AO3 because my account is archive locked so you do need an AO3 account to read those fics. Either way, I hope you enjoy some of these fics if it is your first time reading them!

Blood In The Water - Void!Stiles x Fem!Reader (Teen Wolf) (11,700 words)

Being Stiles’s best friend, you are incredibly worried about him when you figure out that he is quite literally not himself - and that the thing currently occupying his body could be destroying it in the process. When you approach him to show this concern, Void takes a particular interest in you. He’s not capable of love, or even fondness, but he likes you. And he likes the way your fear spikes when you talk about Stiles. So he makes you a deal - he’ll agree to take care of this fleshy, mortal host, in exchange for something more precious, more rare, and more delicious than the meal you have brought for Stiles. He wants your pain. He wants your tears. Void!Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader. Pining Best Friends. Extreme Emotional Angst, Hurt No Comfort. Set during Season 3 (with flashbacks to Season 1, Episode 11).

Recently posted, and one of the most 'Halloween' fics I have ever written. Very angsty, very spooky. Great if you are looking for some great emotional Halloween dread - like the kind that a horror movie would bring. It was one of my favourites to write, and I hope you guys enjoy reading it.

Precious Time Alone - Gar Logan x Fem!Reader (DC Titans) (11,800 words)

Even with the ability to see the future, you never would have guessed that your life would lead you to falling in love with the perfect man - someone sweet, caring, funny, cute. Someone with the passion and fire to protect the ones that he loves no matter what. A precious guy with green hair who had the ability to transform into a tiger at will. And when you finally made love to him for the first time, you never could have guessed how that unique ability affected his sex life. You weren’t exactly complaining, but you wished you had seen this coming. At the end of the day, it was just another thing about him to love. Or - Neither you nor Gar knew that he has the ability to knot, and you both find out for the first time when you have sex together. Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader. Established Relationship. Smut/PWP. Set during Season 2, Episode 9.

I put this strictly on the list because it is in the style of A/B/O (even though it's not technically A/B/O, because the reader character is technically human) - because what is Halloween without a little monster fucking? I need to write more monster fucking lmao. Anyway, I love this fic and I love this fic so much - and I hope you will too.

Need - Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader (The Walking Dead) (3,000 words)

Daryl comes back from a run acting strangely needy, and you find out that Zach made him jealous. (You may have to thank Zach later.) Or - Daryl fucks your brains out to prove to himself that you’re his. Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader. Established Relationship. Smut/PWP. Set during early Season 4/The Prison Era.

What would Halloween be without some TWD? There is much 'spookiness' to this one, aside from the fact that it's technically set during a zombie apocalypse - it's just pure porn. But whenever I think of Halloween, I do get the urge to watch TWD, so I had to have my boy Daryl in here somewhere.

Damn The Man, Save The Empire (Five Nights At Freddy's) (6,100 words)

Vanessa has always taken care of you. Since the two of you were kids, she has put her neck on the line for you, and you rarely knew how to return that epic kindness. One night, while both of you are raw and on-edge, the dark cloud of your strange past looming over both of you nearly swallows both of you whole - and once again, Vanessa is right there, taking care of you. (Dark)Dom!Vanessa Shelly x Sub!Gender Neutral Reader. Toxic Co-Dependent Relationship. Smut and Angst. Takes place before the main timeline of the film.

The main spooky thing about this one is the fact that Vanessa is very much a sociopath in this, and who doesn't love a dark fantasy where a serial killer fucks your brains out. I really need to write more fics like this, because this one was so much fun to write - I love writing dark characters to their extreme.

Ghosting - Mike Schmidt x Fem!Reader (Five Nights At Freddy's) (3,700 words)

Mike has been in love with you for as long as he can remember. For about as long as the two of you have been best friends. He always thought he would have more time to work up to confessing those big, dangerous feelings for you - until something more dangerous swooped in and stole any time he had left with you. Mike Schmidt x Fem!Reader. Star-Crossed Lovers. Pure Angst. Set during the events of the movie.

Again, this is one that brings horror movie dread - I think that angst is really great for Halloween, especially because this is based off a great Halloween movie. This won't be for everyone because it doesn't have a happy ending, but if you are looking for something very angsty, I hope you enjoy reading this.

These next ones are on AO3, and like I mentioned, my account is archive locked, so you will need an AO3 account to view these fics. But I think they are really great and deserve a shout out too. Also, these fics don't have covers that have been made by me (except for one lmao) - so thanks to Tumblr's gif search system for these ones.

Hold Me Tight Or Don't - Glenn Rhee x Fem!Reader x Maggie Greene (The Walking Dead) (7,200 words)

Everyone should get one last wish. Right? Well, that’s not exactly something you wanted to be thinking of in the middle of a musty old prison library when you have a pack of Walkers crawling up your ass. But you’ll work with what you’ve got. And you have the loves of your life at your disposal and the remaining time that God has given you. Glenn Rhee x Fem!Reader x Maggie Greene. Established Relationship. Major Character Death. Smut and Heavy Angst. Set during Season 3, Episode 4.

This one I put on the list because of the mixture of angst, gore, and smut. I love fics that have a mixture of gore and sex (it's something that I really should do more often) because I feel like sex and death really have such a natural relationship. And this one, unlike the Daryl fic, really brings the zombie aspect to the forefront. It's one of my favourite fics I have ever written, and I think it is perfect for the spooky Halloween mood.

No Brainer - Derek Cho (Steven Yeun) x Fem!Reader x Melanie Cross (Samara Weaving) (Mayhem (2017)) (7,100 words)

When the ID-7 Virus, aka the Red Eye Virus hits Towers and Smythe Consulting, it throws the entire office building into chaos. With a mandatory quarantine from the CDC in action, that chaos builds in on itself, and somehow, you, Derek, and Melanie get everything that you want. aka You have something Derek and Melanie need. Derek and Melanie have something you want. You all agree to make an exchange, and everyone ends up more than happy. Derek Cho (Steven Yeun) x Fem!Reader x Melanie Cross (Samara Weaving). Strangers to Lovers. Smut. Set during the canon of the film Mayhem.

This one is perfect for Halloween because it's based off of an amazing horror movie. Also, it's no coincidence that there's two Steven Yeun fics on fics on this list. He looks really good covered in blood.

Arms Tonite - Bee (Samara Weaving) x GN!Reader (The Babysitter (2017)) (2,100 words)

Sunrise is fast approaching with every second that ticks by - another second you spend with Bee, another second you lose in the fight to gain more time with her. The deal you had made was impossible to complete, and the Devil was eager to get his claws on your immortal soul. But of course, Bee was brewing up some plans of her own. Bee x Gender Neutral Reader. Friends to Lovers. Angst/Horror. Set outside the events of canon.

This was one of my first shorter fics, and I am still really proud of it. Also, it's great for Halloween cause it involves literal human sacrifice. This was actually one of my first fics to experiment with major gore and violence elements - which was largely inspired by the film. And I would love to write a longer (smut) fic with Bee sometime. I love her character so much and I feel like she is so underappreciated.

Very Good Bad Thing - Antisepticeye x Fem!Demon!Reader (8,200 words)

Valentine's Day is a busy time for you, seeing as you're a sex demon, and you close most of your deals when people are feeling lonely and vulnerable. Of course, Anti just had to interrupt you. To give you his stupid... "present". Anti x Fem!Reader. Exes to Lovers/Frenemies. Smut and Gore.

So, technically this is a Valentine's day fic - because I got the idea that I wanted to post a seasonal fic on Valentine's day on one of my old blogs and this monstrosity came to mind. But this fic is a heavy mixture of gore and smut, so I feel like it would be perfect for Halloween too. This is actually my first ever smut fic that included any gore (and it's my only youtuber ego fic, though I would like to write more of them, because they are so much fun) - and I had so much fun writing it. I love writing about demons and characters who are amoral on their basis, because there is no rules. And that just makes it so much fucking fun.

Anyway, if you read any of these fics, I hope you enjoy them! And I hope you have fun and have a great Halloween!!