#i even really hate my chest but i think reduction surgery is more preferable now to me than .. all of it gone lol

[cronchingsquips]

coming to terms lately.

[cowboyjen68]

Recently I’ve been debating getting top surgery. I know that some butches get top surgery and seem happy with the results but I’ve also met some who grew out of their discomfort with time. So I guess I’m debating if I should wait to see if maybe the discomfort around my chest will ease with age or if I should look into getting top surgery. The ones I’ve talked to also had this discomfort about their breast growing during puberty but they said after some time it decreased but for mines it seems like a problem that hasn’t gone away.

I am so sorry for the delay, seems work and side gigs are taking up a lot of my time lately. 

I can only speak from my experience with my body and from other lesbians I talk to... and I talk to a lot. I have many friends across generations. Many of my younger friends are butch but not all. My older friends are a myriad of types of lesbians and as diverse as the greater population. This weekend now that we are all vaccinated we had a campfire with 12 lesbian, 5 butches present. We have definitely had discussions about our breasts, discomfort, and the mourning over loosing breasts to cancer (or the danger of cancer).  Most of my buddies, from 19 to 68 share similar stories about learning to be at least ���okay” with their bodies in a world where our physical attributes are often used to define our personality, and our worth. 

One thing we ALL share, as women, not just lesbians, is that we were at best dissatisfied that we have breasts starting as soon as they begin to form. I was 7 when mom told me I had to wear a shirt outside. Wow was I pissed. AND as a 7 years old I knew it had nothing to do with me but everyone seemed just fine with the fact that men were the issue but since we can’t change them we must change our own behavior.

 I remember thinking “how is me not wearing a shirt a problem”. Breasts had been neutral for me at that point. Just another part of my body. Once I realized “they” made me different, more vulnerable, more controlled, less “human” than those around me without breasts I turned my hate on my body instead of the people who really were to blame. Just like I was taught, I can’t control the men but I perhaps I could control my body. 

I have raised at least 10 teenage daughters (2 are lesbians now) my youngest adopted is 15 and when her other mom told her to put on a shirt in the summer of her 8th birthday, even in our rural yard she looked at me dead in the eye and said “why haven’t you fixed this yet?” (meaning women’s bodies being subject to the eyes and opinions of men). I wonder.. why haven’t we? She is the youngest, but all the others grew from hating their breasts to at least neutral, some really love their bodies and that is lovely. 

Lesbians are unique in our dealings of men’s opinions because we never need or want the approval of men in relation to our bodies. The opposite in fact.. we would prefer they see us void of anything they find sexual. Many women, straight, bi, lesbian eventually either learn to give no shits about the opinions of men or they learn to work around that feeling.

Ok.. all that being said, my story. My breasts are B cups, perhaps C’s when I was a bit heavier weight wise. I wore regular bras WITH padding and always as tight as a could to make them less noticeable. When I came out i switched to sports bras because i was embracing being butch and no longer wanted to play the game of wearing  “pretty bra” . I never wore tight shirts, always baggy. I wore the tightest bra I could wear to keep my breasts smaller, less visible. FOR YEARS. 

Going to a women’s festival opened my eyes to the many ways bodies can be. The many ways BUTCH bodies can exist. Women went topless and NO one sexualized them. (except when appropriate-- like while flirting etc when it was welcomed). Thousands of people, many topless and no one, not one person was oogled, cat called, teased, or otherwise treated as different than someone wearing a shirt.  What did they all share? Why was it different than in other places? Women. All women and mostly lesbians. However that did not automatically translate to “I am going back to the real world and giving no fucks about the reality of existing with breasts in our world”. It took time.

I no longer wear a bra just an undershirt. BUT I am in control of where I go, who I interact with most of the time. If I was still at my retail job, I’d probably still wear a bra. I no longer dislike my breasts. I love them. They bring me pleasure, they bring my girlfriend pleasure. They are a lovely part of me BUT that does not mean I am not very aware in public of my nipples being visible or of people noticing I am braless. And I imagine it is harder for women with larger breasts. 

Had binders been a “thing”, had I had access to a double  mastectomy, or the idea of it i cannot say that would have pursued either. The pattern suggests I would have. But again., neither were on my radar, not options presented to me or encouraged as a way to solve my discomfort.

 I have  three friends who have had elective double mastectomies. And many who had one to prevent or remove cancer. Several of them suffer consistent and painful nerve damage that is not treatable, is quite common, is unpredictable (they can’t know who will have it) and possibly life long. Of the three who were trying to alleviate the distress of dysphoria, all three regret the decision and none of them are over 30 yet. These women are all lesbians. Those who had the surgery because of cancer are thrilled to be happy and alive with less worry, although they do deal with nerve issues and mourn the loss of a part of their body. 

I have a few trans men friends, although we are not close. A  couple of them have had double mastectomies but their thoughts or feelings have not come up, we are just not close enough for such a personal discussion and none have had the surgery for more than 2 years.  I have had lots of older lesbians friends (and a few younger) who did get breast reduction surgery and their health and mental health were both improved. Their backs are better, their clothes fit better and they feel more active, less self conscious with out the physical risks of a full mastectomy. 

The easy answer and what I WANT to say, is be patient, find lots of older lesbians friends to show you your body is neutral, men are the problem. Give yourself time to understand that your breasts are as butch as the rest of you. They are a natural part of your body and how you are meant to be. Also, I know there is not an easy answer. Men will continue to exist. They will continue to sexualize lesbians (with or without breasts). I didn’t outgrow wishing my breasts could just disappear(in public settings) until my 40′s but it got easier and easier to sort of “live with it”. I am many times over grateful for my healthy breasts now. 

Seek therapy.. and not someone who will just go along with what ever you say. My therapists works me hard. She makes me answer the hard questions. She has me vocalize things that I don’t even want to admit in my head let alone out loud. Find one like that. Find one who is willing to explore all the reasons your breasts cause you distress. Then, if you decide to proceed, you can do so knowing you were worth the hard work and you can feel more confident in making an informed decision. Don’t make any decisions based on the opinions of men. Your body. YOUR decision. Write that down on a post it and keep it somewhere you will see it. 

If you would like to speak to some others who are struggling with how you feel or want to talk to lesbians who can tell you about their double mastectomies, DM me, perhaps I can connect you. 

If  anyone wants to add their experience in the notes please be kind. No judgement for anyone making such a difficult decision. 

One last thing to this long post. From one butch to another.  I care about you and I am saddened and angry at  bull shit you have to wade through in this world. I get it. You are not alone. 

[helle-quinn]

Gender tag.

I’m a little late, but I found the tag on @thechrizzler’s channel, so I figured I’d do it, and maybe it can help me sort things out for myself. 

1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you? I bounce between genderfluid and genderqueer. It just means I don’t care about gender at the moment... some days, I may feel more like a man, or have more interest in stuff that would be more “masculine” and other days I feel more like a woman or have an interest in things that are “feminine.”  2. What pronouns honor you? I don’t have a preference. Through roleplay and cosplay, I’ve had people use male pronouns, through my biological sex, I get female pronouns. Also through roleplay, I get they/them for people who don’t know what I am behind the computer. None feel more right, or wrong.  3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.  Usually, things that are loose and comfortable, since I’m not a big fan of my body (weight issues more than body dysphoria.) I’m getting better with it, but it’s a lot of fandom tees, skinny black jeans, boots, and a lot of black. I rarely wear colour.  4. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave, or choose not to shave? With my hair short right now, I like letting it air dry, and have small waves/curls, but every now and then I’ll straighten it. When it’s long, I either give loose waves or straight, depending on my mood. I do prefer it long. I don’t have much facial hair more than most biological females have. Peach fuzz, little dark spots, if it gets to bother me too much, I’ll shave it. I shave pretty much everything but my eyebrows and head. I’m not a fan of body hair on anyone, no matter what gender, so I don’t like it on myself, but I get lazy. I don’t really shave my arms though because the hair is so light and fine.  5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any? I like wearing makeup every now and then, but more often than not, you’ll find me clean-faced. Again, mostly because I’m lazy or don’t have time. I love makeup, and I think it’s fun, but I have really sensitive skin and eyes, so I’m allergic to a lot and hate paying for it. I paint my nails when I have the patience, 90% of the time black, unless it’s for a fandom thing (like green and silver for Slytherin or green and gold for Loki.) I use Aussie for my hair, and a Harley Quinn perfume, but every now and then, I’ll use Drakkar Noir. 6. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so, how often? Not really. I mean, people just assume I’m a plain cis female, maybe a bit of a tomboy, but I don’t expect people to be at a point to question if someone is genderfluid/agender/anything like that yet. I haven’t changed pronouns since coming out, so it’s not a big change for family and friends to switch pronouns.  7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you? A small bit, though I’m sure not as much as other people I’ve never been comfortable with having a large chest, and if someone offered to pay for a reduction (reduction, not top surgery), I’d likely do it. If I could get over my fear of going under the knife. Every now and then I’ll wish I was born as a boy, and have boy parts, but it’s mostly my breasts. It makes it really hard to wear some of the more masculine clothes I want, because of how they’re cut, and makes some cosplays hard too.  8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have? I have zero interest in carrying a child myself. It’s one of my biggest fears, and I’ve been that way since I was a kid. I’d much rather adopt a kid that either wasn’t wanted, or couldn’t be taken care of. I’d happily take in a kid (or kids) who got disowned from their family for one reason or another, be it gender, sexuality, religion, etc. But I can barely take care of myself, so it’s not something I think too much of right now. 9. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for a family financially if you choose to have one? Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you? Of course I want to be able to provide for my family, even if it’s just a partner. I don’t have to earn more than them, just enough to at least help take care of myself and my own needs. I don’t want it to be where my partner is taking care of me, because I’ve been in that situation for years with my dad and I absolutely hate it. I get super awkward when anyone other than family pays for me, and even then, I feel uncomfortable. 10. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? It’s a lot different than my sexuality. I was lucky, and I didn’t really have to “come out” as bi or pan (I still haven’t figured out which I am.)  I didn’t grow up in an environment where I was taught there was anything weird, or even overly different, about it. I knew I liked girls and guys, my parents and brother knew, and it was just casual. Only issue I had was an indirect thing with my uncle, who later turned out to be gay himself. Gender, however, since I’m fluid/queer, it wasn’t as obvious. Unlike what I imagine trans kids go through, I wasn’t only wanting boy stuff, but when I did, I was raised mostly by men, so it wasn’t seen as strange or like there was anything other than me being a tomboy. I didn’t even realize it myself until the past few months, talking to people who are queer, trans, on the gender spectrum, and I was like oh. That makes sense. Maybe it’s more than just being a tomboy. I’m still coming to terms with it myself and getting the people in my life to accept it myself.  Be there for your friends as they work through figuring out who they are, no matter what it’s about. 

[jameseros-blog]

My personal struggle with GD

**Trigger Warning -- talk of genitals, sex, transphobia, and misogyny** This is a vent post about my feelings surrounding my gender dysphoria, how I figured out I almost definitely have it, and why my family would probably think I'm faking because of tucutes making trans people look like clowns. It is unorganized, entirely too long, might not make sense, and I'm positive I'm forgetting big details. I just need to get this off my chest though.

All throughout my life I've hated my body, and even though I could try to blame it on other problems, I had some pretty clear signs of gender dysphoria even before my life got fucked up. It all seemed normal to me though. I could rationalize it. I'm too masculine to fit in with girls; autistic females have a tendency to function on the same social level as neurotypical men. That makes sense. I hate my body; I definitely don't look like the girls I would like to date. That makes sense. I feel like cutting off my female chest and sometimes guiltily wish for a horrible disease that requires its removal; I'm a CSA survivor and was bullied in elementary school for my early development. That makes sense.

In middle school something started to happen that I couldn't explain though. I developed a "phantom penis". It actually felt like I had a fully functioning dick. I asked a guy friend what a boner felt like and he described what I felt perfectly. I never told anyone what I felt though. I just made a joke out of it. Whenever I felt a "hard on" I'd whisper to my friends "Suck my dick" or "My dick is hurting". We constantly made dick jokes so nothing seemed off about it. I liked the feeling of it. It upset me that it wasn't real. The feeling came around less often in high school and I wrote it off as nothing.

The inkling of negative sexual habits was already in place in 4th grade, but I fell into truly self destructive sexual habits in high school. I felt unsatisfied with life and everything regarding my existence. Every day was a chore I could barely manage. I wanted something to fill up how empty my life felt. I started using my tits to get free food in 4th grade. I would tell a couple of guys that I'd show them my tits on the last day of school if they would give me what ever food I wanted from them for the rest of the year. This took place up until 7th grade where they stopped believing me because I never held up my end of the promise. It didn't matter too much though because at this point they were already used to giving me food.

As 8th grade ended I noticed how unnaturally masculine I felt, even more so than before, like it didn't really fit my body. It was getting harder to blame it on my autism. That scared me so I went seeking some sort of validation that I was a woman. I found my first boyfriend. I've never really been one for romance, so our relationship quickly turned into something sexual. The entire thing made me uncomfortable. I hated the whole ordeal. I didn't really find him all that attractive, but I pretended to fairly convincingly. Neither of us wanted to be purely sexual, but it was the only thing I knew how to do so I kept being this sexual creature I hardly liked and barely knew. He broke up with me because we never really talked anymore and when we were together I always ended up sucking his dick. It was fine. I never stayed true to our relationship. I was sending nudes to people on the internet. They made me feel like I was a pretty girl, the kind I fantasized about. I could escape my real self and be someone else on the internet. It always felt like I was catfishing them. I never felt as feminine as I portrayed myself online.

My 10th grade year of high school I dated one of my ex boyfriend's best friends. The same thing happened as my last relationship. I'd try to change how unnaturally male I felt by being in the most misogynisticly feminine role I could think of. The first time I had "real" sex it felt good, but something was off about it. And I don't mean in the "the first time always sucks" kind of way. I'm a firm believer in if you are fully comfortable with a person and you both know each other's boundaries and there isn't any judgment between you, then there won't be anything uncomfortable about sex. We had all these things, but I still felt uncomfortable. Then he went down on me. I had another "phantom dick" moment; I could imagine him sucking me off as if I had a penis. That's when the discomfort ended. I couldn't explain that so I told no one and wrote it off as nothing.

I've always heard mentions of trans people in passing throughout my life. In 3rd grade I heard my friend call another boy a "he-she". When I asked him what that was he said it's a guy who dresses and acts like a girl. In middle school I learned there were surgeries to give males female genitals. In 9th grade my science teacher corrected a girl when she said "they have to cut off their balls and turn their dick inside out" in reference to mtf bottom surgery. I saw an article that same year about a man that gave birth and learned that ftm trans people exist. In that same 9th grade science class a girl mentioned the size of my chest when expressing her desire for bigger breasts. I spilled my guts about how much I hated having them. I realized that it wasn't a natural thing when other big chested girls told me it wasn't nearly as bad as I explained. It confused me that they didn't feel the same. At this point I still didn't know what GD was or what it actually meant to be trans.

I started to watch Blaire White. That set me on the path of finding more and more trans YouTubers. I connected to them in ways I didn't really understand. I felt less like an alien while watching their videos. I never connected this to my being trans though. They all had the same story of knowing when they were young. I never questioned my identity when I was young. I always just existed. When I look back at it I think I honestly should have questioned myself. If I weren't autistic I probably would have.

When I was young, about 4 or 5, it was the easiest thing in the world for me to just drop everything about being a girl so I could become James. This was done after hearing my dad say he wished he had a son. I insisted I was James for almost a year. Now that I'm older my nana has told me my dad was worried I might actually be trans and he didn't want me getting bullied when I go to school. He died when I was 5 or 6; this explains something that I'll touch on later.

Even after the James phase ended I prided myself on my masculine tendencies. I was proud to be "basically the son" of the family and "basically the brother" of my sisters. With my step dad we would make jokes about having a "guys night out". I would even try to dress as boyish as possible to get mistaken as a boy. One time I cried when a boy told me "I know you're a girl". When I found out girls could have beards I was extremely jealous and was confused by the fact I couldn't grow one. I've always hated long hair I always wanted it cut short in a boy's haircut. In middle school my friends told me I write like a guy as an insult, but I thought it was a genuine compliment. I've always had an obsession with extreme body modification. The idea that I could escape my body and look however I want was always appealing to me.

When I was young I held the belief that my thoughts and personality were exactly the same as a boy's. That was the reason I preferred to hang with guys. That was why I would feel happy when I was described as one of the guys. It was why I didn't connect with girls the same way as guys. When I was diagnosed with autism, I thought it explained why I felt like an alien among other girls, and why I fit perfectly with guys, and why my thoughts were so male to me. When I learned what GD was, it fit me too, but I thought I couldn't have it cause I didn't recognize it when I was young. Then I started watching the podcast 'You're So Brave' hearing the way they found out they were trans hit closer to home than any other time I heard stories of people discovering they're trans. I was still very iffy on if I had GD or not though. Kovu uploaded a video recently it basically sealed my belief that I have GD. I decided to list off all the ways I wish I could look. The look I created is absurdly masculine; tall, hairy, tatted, and rough. I couldn't be exactly that though. I'm far too short. Besides I'm not as one dimensional as that. I love the elegance of romantic goths and muted pastels are my favorite aesthetic. I love crop tops and even dresses. I'm very effeminate for a man. A lot of people hate on gnc trans guys, but honestly I relate to them hard. I'm still not 100 percent sure of my gender though. The only thing I know for sure is that I need my female chest gone.

Before I even started to question myself, I've heard my step dad's opinion on trans people. "There is no such thing as a third gender! I don't understand why these trans people keep trying to push this idea!" he says in reference to a completely binary trans woman who only wants to be seen as a woman and not a third gender. I defend them by saying the vast majority of trans people are completely binary, don't believe in three genders, and want to be fully recognized as the gender they transition to. He continues to think tucutes are the only kind of trans people there are and generalizes all trans people saying they all have the "76 genders" ideology. He thinks all trans women are instantly recognizable by their adam's apple despite the fact there is a reduction surgery and lots of cis women have prominent adam's apples. I won't even try to bring up non binary people to him. He'd never understand. My mom has backed him up on this multiple times. I can't come out to them. It's too dangerous. My step dad is a violent man that gets into lots of fights. (He's never hit me or my family; don't worry.) He has threatened to kick me out before and I know he and my mom have seriously considered it within the last year. I don't know if me coming out could result in my homelessness.

You may be thinking "You're 18, just move out." To that I say: I absolutely would, if I could. I'm autistic. It's a disability that leaves me unable to drive and makes it difficult to maintain a job. Not to mention no one has prepared me for living alone. I have a friend I could go to, but I don't want to live somewhere and not be able to give back to them in some way.

All I really want is to know for sure whether I have gender dysphoria or not. The only problem with that is all of the gender therapist in my area (deep south Alabama) have practices that sound eerily similar to conversion therapy. Even if I do come out and move in with my friend, I won't be able to get therapy or a diagnosis.

[eachdubh]

Surgery

I’ve begun taking about surgeries recently, and it’s brought up some questions and concerns from family and friends. The first one I want to address is my identity. I’m going to make a little summary at the top of each one for those of you who don’t want to read it all.

TL;DR: yes, I still identify as gender fluid, yes I still prefer neutral terms and male pronouns, and yes, all male terms are still ok. So, I’ve been asked a number of times now if having surgery means I’m “fully” transitioning, if it means I actually identify as male, etc. The answer is more complicated than a simple yes or no. And what answer I give may depend on who’s asking, why I think they’re asking, the context of the question, and how much I feel like going into a lengthy explanation. When strangers are talking to me about being transgender, I’m much more likely to refer to myself as a trans man, use all male terminology, and generally talk about my transition in a binary fashion. When I’m trying to talk about my transition simply, I’m also more likely to talk about my transition in a binary way. However, I still think of myself in a not-quite-binary way. The best I can do to describe succinctly is “mostly male”. Which, okay, I get it if it’s easier for you to think of me as “all male”, but if you do that and try to tell me that “x behavior isn’t very masculine,” I’m likely to point out that I don’t identify as entirely masculine. I identify as a non-binary gender, and that is the same whether I’m taking about changing my body or not. I don’t identify myself as a woman, so it makes sense (to me anyway) to not want female parts. I do identify as man-like, so it makes sense (to me) to want male parts.

TL;DR: yes, I want top surgery. I don’t know when yet, I don’t know much about risks or recovery, as I have yet to talk to my doctor about it. Okay, so my wanting top surgery isn’t new. I hate my breasts, hate their size, how they get in the way, how they look. I didn’t talk much about it before I came out, because surgery is scary, but after coming out I’m beginning to realize just how much of a problem they’re posing for me. Since I can’t bind, because it causes excruciating pain due to my other back problems, my breasts pose a huge problem for me. I don’t “pass”. I’m addressed as female, which is very psychologically difficult for me. And there’s the personal relationship I have with them, as well, which is, well, not great. I’m still somewhat torn between just a reduction, or what’s referred to as “chest masculinization.” If it’s a reduction, I’ll drop down to an A. But the idea of possibly still having trouble socially makes me lean toward having them off entirely. The main reason to keep any boob at all would be that I wouldn’t need nipple reconstruction if I do. I’ll have to discuss my options with my doctor, and it may take some time before I come to a form decision. Don’t worry, I’m not rushing this! Besides, even if I get to talk to her about this surgery at my very next visit, it will probably be at least two months before I can get another appointment, nevermind having surgery scheduled, etc. Even once I have decided, it’s likely to be months before I can have any surgery.

TL;DR: yes, I’m thinking about starting hormone therapy after all. I still need to do research and talk to my doctor. This is tied to the next item. Okay, Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is kind of a hard one for me. Actually harder than top surgery. I don’t want to have to take hormones for the rest of my life, and if I want to do HRT that’s what’s it would mean. Literally, taking hormones for the rest of my life, no matter what. For this reason alone, I have resisted the idea of taking hormones. Some recent revelations about my health have tipped the scales, however. I probably have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, and even if I don’t I am almost certain to develop hypothyroidism anyway. The ONLY treatment for hypothyroidism/Hashi’s is to take synthetic thyroid hormones. For the rest of your life once it becomes necessary. If I’m already going to be taking hormones for the rest of my life, several of my concerns about HRT are basically moot. That brings us to the pros of HRT, which are that it will lower my voice, alter where I carry fat and how I build muscle (making my body appear more masculine), and allow me to grow more body hair. It will also have an important effect on my sexual organs, which I will talk more about in the next bit. Those are compelling, so it’s now an option on the table. Of course, I still need to talk to my doctor about possible health risks, how HRT will interaction with my other medications, etc. The final decision is yet to be made, but I am tentatively saying that I want HRT.

TL;DR: yes, I’m taking about the possibility of bottom surgery. No, not immediately. It will be AT LEAST two years after starting HRT before I’ll want to actually have the surgery. Breathe. Relax. It’s okay. This is future planning, this is not something I can or will do right now. Some doctors require only eight months before scheduling the kind of surgery I want, but I intend to wait two years, minimum. I want what’s called a centurion metoidioplasty, and I’ll be happy to explain as much as I know about the procedure to you if you ask, but I won’t bore you with the details right now. I’m actually really excited about the existence of this procedure. What is relevant is that a meta requires time on HRT before the procedure, because it uses existing body parts to shape the penis and ballsac, and those body parts will change with time on HRT. I’ve done a fair amount of research, though I’ll probably continue to do more as time goes on, and I’m certain that this procedure is the best option for me. I have already decided that I want to have it done, but I know that my insurance won’t pay for it, and there aren’t currently very many surgeons who even perform this particular procedure. So… Two years on HRT, plus however much time before I can save up enough to travel to a surgeon and pay for the procedure. Trust me, this is not hasty, and it’s not happening any time soon. I’ll have plenty of time to think about it, and so will you.

TL;DR: yes, I’m probably going to have a hysterectomy/oophorectomy. No, I haven’t talked to my doctor about it yet. If I start HRT, it will be in a large part because I want the metoidioplasty, so having a hysterectomy makes a great deal of sense to me as something to coincide with HRT. I need to discuss this with my doctor, find out what risks there are, what I’ll need to be aware of. Like top surgery, this probably isn’t realistically happening for several months, at the earliest. It’s a much more invasive surgery than top surgery, but also a very, very common procedure. That helps me deal with my fears about surgery a little. So will talking to my doctor, I hope.

So for those of you who are afraid I’m jumping into things too fast, please let me reassure you that none of this is happening tomorrow. Probably nothing will even be begun for several months. For sure some of it will even wait a couple of years. You’ll have time to adjust, and I’ll have time to consider my options and make final decisions. I’m not going to go into anything uninformed, and I’ll be happy to share any knowledge or insights I have about all of these things now and in the future. You have but to ask!