#i drew this in a haze in about 2 hours

[allthepandasintheworld]

bro im so normal about this old man im sooooo normal about him

[libraryofolive]

use your words

part one

featuring: Salaryman!Nanami Kento x fem!reader

genre: SMUT, pwp so 18+ MDNI

word count: 717

synopsis: Nanami's colleague has started having some rather unprofessional dreams about him, little does she know that he has been having the same problem.

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You sighed as you made you way into work, dumping a pile of papers and folders on your desk, exchanging it for a custom mug you had received in last year’s office secret santa. You made your way over to the communal coffee pot, mug in hand (you refused to keep it in the cupboards of the office kitchenette, lest somebody steal it. It was one of the few secret santa gifts you actually appreciated, and you had a hunch it had come from your favourite colleague, Nanami). You greeted various co-workers as you passed them, smile undeniably forced as being at work was the last thing you wanted to do today. You had been plagued by rather unsavoury, lewd, dreams the night before, resulting in a tired disposition and an inability to look your colleague - friend - in the eye.

Gasps of pleasure and the squelch of Nanami’s large fingers thrusting in and out of you filled the room. You were situated on his lap, hands grasping his hair in an attempt to ground yourself, kissing him hungrily. He drew away only to mutter praises that went straight to your throbbing cunt - “Doing so well f’me, love. Yeah, that’s it, taking my fingers so prettily.” You could only mewl as he added another finger, curling them expertly and pressing into that spot that had you seeing stars.

“Ken -ngh- please, gonna… gonna cum.”

“That’s it, baby. Cum f’me, you can do it.”

You had woken up just before that wave of pleasure could crash over you. When you checked your alarm, it read 2:30am. In a lustful haze, you had your grabbed your vibrator and replayed your dream, your imagination extending it. It was only until after two satisfying orgasms had the shame of picturing Nanami Kento, the most professional man you could think of, in such a shameful manner.

Your face heated as you caught yourself reminiscing whilst stood in a very public section of the office. Your thighs rubbed together as you got back on task, pouring some of the shitty coffee into your much less shitty mug and turning to head back to your desk.

“Well, hello to you to.” A deep voice startled you - the one you had imagined whispering dirty praises into your ear. Nanami.

“Er- erm- Hi, Nanami!” You cringed at the tone of your voice, a mix of surprise and embarrassment.

“Are you okay? You’ve walked past me twice without so much as a ‘hello.’ Normally it’s you who has to bug me for a greeting.”

“Oh, yeah, no, I’m all good. You don’t have to worry about me! Just tired, is all.”

“Bad dreams?” You almost dropped your coffee at his words, your whole body tensing out of what could only be described as fright.

“What?” You asked, the tension from your body seeping into your voice.

“You’ve told me some of your more… eccentric dreams in the past. What was the last one, a murderous clown as a teacher?”

“Oh, yeah, er. I guess you could say it was bad dreams, yeah. Anyway! I’d better head back to work. So much to do, so little time, as they say. I’ll see you later, though!” You walked away furiously, head down to avoid anyone seeing how wide your eyes were. Your face was near-boiling out of embarrassment, and you could have sworn the universe had it out for you.

“I’ll see you in my office for lunch, as usual?” Nanami called after you. You sent a general affirmative hum in his direction, avoiding eye contact. You had barely gotten through a conversation with him, never mind the hour long lunch break the two of you normally take together. What was wrong with you?

The work morning somehow simultaneously dragged on yet passed in the blink of an eye. You were distracted - much too distracted to work productively - your mind often wandering to the same place it had visited the night before. What would his cock feel like inside you? He was a tall man, you knew it had to be big. Would it be too big? How much would he have to prepare you beforehand, with his fingers, his tongue? You could feel your panties dampen as the dirty thoughts infiltrated your mind. Nanami was an attractive man, you had always known this. As you got to know him further, his dry, sarcastic humour, his dedication to his work (no matter how much he despised it), his loyalty to those he cared about, he had grown more attractive to you. You had begin to fester a small crush on the blonde man - this was something you were well aware of - but until now you had always perceived it as a silly crush, something to keep your work day more interesting. But now what? And what did it mean for you current relationship, both professional and platonic?

Your phone buzzing brought you out of your thoughts. Speak of the devil, you thought, as the very man you had spent all morning thinking about had messaged you.

Thinking about going for lunch in 30, does that work for you?

You had debated declining his invitation, to sit by yourself and stew over just how deeply you were into him. But that would arouse suspicion, and you didn’t want him catching on. You could imagine the horror that would adorn his face if he ever found out how you were thinking about him, if he gained knowledge of your perverse fantasies. So you gritted your teeth and messaged him back, agreeing to meet him. You had half an hour to mentally prepare, and that was surely enough, right?

You entered his office without knocking, lunch box under your arm. 15 minutes had passed since Nanami had messaged you, but if you waited any longer you reasoned you might burst from anxiety. His back was turned to you, and you could just see the top of his head over the back of his large office chair. But as you went to announce your presence, you heard him groan your name.

“Nanami?” You asked hesitantly, brow furrowing. At the sound of your voice, Nanami’s hand froze on his cock. Shit, he had been caught - by you, no less. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? You, unknowingly, had worn both his favourite and most hated blouse today - it left very little to the imagination, with your nipples sometimes peeping through it when the office was particularly cold. When he has spoken to you earlier, he could see them, and he hadn’t been able to get the image out of his head. His morning was spent imagining groping your breasts, both over and under that goddamn blouse. He had imagined taking those perky nipples into his mouth as his hands dipped lower, and lower, and lower…

“Can you, erm, can you give me a minute?” His voice came out unsteady, his face beet red.

“Nanami, are you okay? You sound.. off.” You too were frozen in place, half way between his desk and the door. You looked behind you, double checking you had closed it after you had walked in.

“I’m fine - truly - I just er, I need a second. I wasn’t ready for you to come so um, early.”

“Nanami, you can at least turn around and look at me when you talk to me. You sound ill, or in pain - do you need to go home?” You walked towards him, placing your lunch on his desk and walking around it hesitantly. It was only as you got closer to him you realised what you walked in on. His slacks, usually so perfectly ironed, were crumpled around his ankles, his underwear pulled down just enough for his cock to be free and hard. He had been in here masturbating, and had called your name. The cogs in your head turned as you started to piece together what this meant, that you clearly weren’t the only one having lewd imaginings of your colleague.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry - this is so - oh my God, what have I done? I should be fired for this, report me, wouldn’t blame you-”

“Nanami.” You interrupted his panicked babbles, eyes burning with lust, your mouth dry and pussy wet at the sight of him. “Were you thinking of me to get yourself of?”

“I’m sorry, I have no excuse-”

“Answer my question.” Your voice left no room for questioning.

“Yes.” He breathed, his eyes going wide as you sunk to your knees before him. Your hand reached out, hesitating just before you touched his length.

“Well, would you like some help from the real thing?” He nearly came at the sight of you looking up at him through your lashes, hand hovering over his dick, a coy smile decorating your face. He audibly gulped, nodding his head.

“Words, Nanami. Or should I call you Kento?” As you said his first name you grasped his cock, already slick with precum from his previous activity. His whole body shook, one hand flying to his mouth to muffle a moan.

“Please.” He gasped when your hand didn’t move, “Please help me.” Your smile widened as you began to move your hand. This was going to be a productive lunch break.

[allgremlinart]

good memories

drew this in like an hour in a fevered haze becus I thought about them for 2 (two) seconds

[writingreadinglurkingandsmirking]

If There's Bleach In The Hallways (I Can Start Over) - reality tv star!Rafe Cameron x Reader

I Feel You Underneath My Tongue (Next To Every Word That I Should Have Said): Part 1, Part 2

Summary: Topper gets a distraught you home from your disastrous Hawaiian vacation where you proceed to crumble. You’re, understandably, upset and made even more so when about a week later, Rafe shows up at your place. And as much as you didn’t want to at first? There was too much history there. You had to let him in. And you had to hear him out.

CW/TWs: angst, female reader implied, cursing, toxic relationships afoot, implied previous physical violence, verbal harassment/abuse, implied sexual harassment, not the most edited/reviewed (read: at all)

Words: 5.7k+

Note: God help me I just needed this to be done so apologies that if it's not good I simply needed this out of my draftsssss Rounding out this little thing with pretty boy blondie Drew again. Anywayssssss here’s the second part as promised besties.

You’d hardly been aware of your actions when you’d left Oahu. You’d hardly left the stupid resort Are You The One? was filming at when you’d taken your phone out and found the only familiar contact that felt reliable anymore. Topper’s, of course. You wouldn’t say that you’d won him in your break up with Rafe, exactly. But he was one of your only mutual friends who didn’t for a moment question why you’d initially broken up with him. He’d been the one to console you, understanding that no matter how much you loved him—and dear God, you fucking loved him—you couldn’t be with him anymore. Couldn’t enable his bullshit. It hurt too much...you and Rafe both. Way too fucking much. Even through the haze over your thoughts, you’d recognized that as Topper answered the phone when you called, he wasn’t surprised.

“Top,” you said, voice strangely flat and devoid of emotion.

“What’s up?” he asked, immediately worried based on the sound of your voice. You didn’t answer for a moment, swept up in thought and your throat closing against the threat of you crying. He said your name and you snapped out of it, blinking rapidly. “You okay?”

“No,” you said honestly, gripping your bag in hand at your side tighter. “I’m coming to Kona.”

“You just got there like yesterday,” Topper said hesitantly, clearly anticipating that something bad had happened.

“Yeah. And you were right. I shouldn’t have come in the first place,” you muttered. Topper began to ask but you immediately, curtly, cut him off. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m catching the first flight over. I don’t even care how much it costs I need to get the fuck out of here.” You drew in a haggard breath. “I really can’t do this anymore, Top.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” he hurried to say. “Don’t freak out. I got you. Did you book a flight?”

“Not yet,” you replied dully.

“Okay. I’ll look at them right now,” he said. You heard the sound quality of the phone shifted as he put you on speaker. He was silent for about a minute before speaking again. “Okay. There’s a flight leaving in two hours from Oahu to Kona. Can you get to the airport quick? I’ll book the ticket for you.”

“Yeah,” you replied, voice hoarse and cracking. You sniffled, suddenly flooded with emotion. “I…thanks, Top.” He said your name softly, sadly and you felt your breath hitch in your throat. “Please…don’t. Not…not now. Please?”

Topper sighed, sounding far more tired than you would’ve preferred. “Okay,” he agreed. “We’ll talk about it later. Just get to the airport. I’m not going to book you a second one if you’re fucking around.”

The attempt to make you laugh failed. Miserably. “Thank you, Top,” you said a final time before hanging up.

You took a few shallow breaths in a desperate attempt to steady yourself, but at the end of the day, it didn’t do much to calm your frazzled nerves. So, instead, you used the keyed up—if erratic—energy to focus on getting to the airport as fast as you could humanly do so. Even safety went out the window. In your haze and desire to be left alone in the meantime, and to avoid being on your phone and risk your own weakness letting you go and look at old pictures of you and Rafe, you didn’t let yourself take your phone from your pocket once you’d shoved it in there. So, instead of doing the logical thing like calling a taxi…taking a bus…literally anything normal? You decided to hitchhike your way there.

Miracle of miracles, you made it to the airport untouched and uninjured by all accounts. With your bag in hand, you shuffled through the airport. You checked in and printed a ticket so you wouldn’t have to turn your phone on. You went through security without even being conscious of your movements. You shuffled to your gate and sat, staring blankly with the extra ten minutes you had before boarding. After you were in your seat, still you didn’t seem to fully fathom what was going on…where you were, even.

When the plane took off, it was like you snapped back into your body.

You wished you hadn’t.

It turned out that trying not to cry on a plane was a lot harder when you were being hit with a torrent of emotions that threatened to sweep you entirely away. And, you also were fairly confident that there was nothing in this world that would be worse…would be more humiliating than sobbing in a plane with some fucking stranger next to you. And the guy next to you, dressed in a crisp business suit, severe look on his face, was already eyeing you as if you were a fucking bomb set to go off. So, the flight was terrible…but hey, you’d expected almost nothing less.

When the plane touched down in Kona, you were ready to scream from relief. You got off as quickly as you could and stood waiting for your baggage, your emotions all over the place and nowhere at all again. You jumped when you felt someone touch your shoulder and whipped around. Unsurprisingly, it was Topper standing behind you with a worried look on his face. Your heart skipped a beat and you frowned back at him before folding yourself into his arms in a tight hug.

“Hey, come on,” Topper said, hugging you back tightly, rubbing your back soothingly. “Let’s get your bag and get to the hotel, okay?”

Angel that he was, Topper grabbed your bag for you as it came around on the belt and then guided you to his rental car. He didn’t badger you as he drove to the hotel or even on the way up to his suite. He managed to keep it together until you reached the room. You didn’t offer a word as you got in the room, instead going directly into the bathroom and locking the door behind you. You took a long, almost scalding hot shower, and stayed as long as you could justify. But, you knew you couldn’t stall any longer.

“You gonna talk to me now?” Topper asked calmly when you finally exited the bathroom.

“I don’t…know what to say,” you replied blankly.

“How about you start with what happened,” he suggested. “I’ve…never seen you like this.”

You were silent for a few moments. You tried to think of what exactly you should say. “You…you were right. This was a stupid idea. I shouldn’t have come,” you managed to say. What you’d seen, what you’d heard all ricocheted through your head like a stray bullet and lodged itself in your heart again. You let out a shaky sigh. “It was a fucking terrible idea, Top.”

“What happened?” Topper asked. He moved in front of you, kneeling down. He grabbed your hands and waited until you looked up at him. “It’s me.” He said your name when you looked away to draw your eyes back to him. “Just talk to me. What did he…what happened?” He was cut off for a moment by the buzzing of his phone. He took it out reflexively and looked down. His brow furrowed immediately. “Why did Rafe text me and tell me your dad is there now?” His eyes locked on yours again, his gaze sharper…more concerned now. “Tell me.”

You sighed and briefly closed your eyes at the news. You were glad that Rafe wasn’t alone; that was good news. You still didn’t want to think about…any of this mess. At all. But, you gave Topper a brief synopsis of the mess that had played out. Of Thalia’s psychotic ass. Her hitting Rafe. Rafe being so…downtrodden. You being a mistake, according to Rafe. By the time you were done speaking, Topper looked quite like he was sucking on a rancid lemon.

“Fucking Christ that idiot can never make things easy for himself can he,” Topper muttered. He moved from kneeling in front of you to sit next to you. “That’s fucked. So fucked. I’m sorry.” You shrugged, not letting yourself look over at him. Topper gently nudged your shoulder and said your name softly.

You closed your eyes again and shook your head. “Please don’t,” you said, voice wobbling.

Again, Topper said your name, imploring now. “Come here.”

Despite everything inside you being stubborn, you cracked. You turned into Topper and started sobbing.  You sunk into his embrace embarrassingly quickly as you cried, holding onto him like he was your last lifeline in the world; right now he kind of was.

“I can’t believe…” you sobbed, unable to breathe properly, “and he was…”

“I know,” Topper said, running his hand soothingly up and down your back. And he did. You weren’t speaking any coherent thoughts and still it was blindly obvious what was going on—what you were thinking. “I got you.”

And he did. He held you as you sobbed yourself to sleep. He stayed with you as you walked in an emotionless haze through the whole of the following day. He sat by your side in the airport when you were going to be flying home the day after that, monitoring your face for any sign that you were going to break down. He wanted to be there for you. You loved him for it. You…you should’ve loved him more for it. But, you were starting to get to a point of wanting to lash out. It was irrational and it made you hate yourself but you needed to be by yourself for a moment. You needed to lick your wounds and deal with your torched pride. Graciously, you were torn from the reality of Topper’s intense concern by your phone ringing. Less wonderfully, it was your father calling.

“Dad,” you greeted blankly.

“I took care of it,” he said without preamble. “Everything’s being handled. Rafe’s going to be…fine. On the entertainment side, at least.”

“That’s good,” you replied, the words hollow. You stared at the door of your gate, itching for it to open already.

“Rafe’s doing okay otherwise too. I just put him up in a room with me so I could keep an eye on him. He’s been a little out of it, a little quiet. Nothing too bad though,” he explained, unprompted. You bit back the urge to point out that it was probably because he was in the room with your father and not because Rafe was actually okay.

“Oh that’s good,” you repeated. Your dad sighed and then your name slipped from his lips. Immediately you knew you were going to get a pseudo lecture; you tried to stop it. “Dad, just leave it. Please.”

“Listen, honey,” he said softly, ignoring your request. “I just…I need you to know this, okay?” He took your steely silence as a go-ahead to keep speaking. “You don’t understand why he was there, sweetheart. It’s not what you think. He didn’t…he shouldn’t have been. And he didn’t want to be.”

“But he was,” you interrupted, your voice showing emotion for the first time in the conversation.

“And I watched the footage,” your dad rebuked. “I know what was actually going on. I know what was actually said. I combed through hours of footage—any time the camera was on him, confessionals, the house and everything. I read the interviews that went into casting. All of it. I know everything that went on. And, honey, I’m telling you this as your dad. You should hear Rafe out. It isn’t what you think it was. And I know you love him. I know you want to hear him out. Don’t you think you should at least give him the chance to explain without you putting words he never said into his mouth?”

You were saved from having to reply to your father by the gate agent calling for your group to start boarding. “I have to go. My plane is boarding,” you stated curtly before hanging up the phone. You glanced over at Topper who was looking at you with a forcibly uninterested face. You rolled your eyes, cracking a half-smile for the first time in days. You pushed his shoulder weakly before standing up. “Don’t look at me like that, loser.”

“Not looking at you like anything,” Topper lied—poorly, you’d like to add—before rising to his feet as well. “Come on. Let’s get home.”

“Please,” you muttered, following dutifully behind him as you got in line to board.

Despite the brief pockets of joy that you were able to extract on your flight home, when you landed, you were back in this place of despondence and misery. You made your way home in a cab, refusing Topper’s offer for a ride. And when you got home you turned off your phone entirely and laid in your bed in a cocoon of pathetic misery that made you hate yourself all the more. It felt like you were mourning your relationship with Rafe. Just now. After months of not being together. This…this felt final in a strange sort of way. A way that made you sad. It went on for days, you only leaving your bed to do the bare minimum to keep yourself going. Your entire apartment became a den of sadness that you didn’t know when you’d be able to peel yourself out of it.

Often, your mind oscillated between missing Rafe and hating Rafe. Mourning your love for him and longing for it. It was disorienting and infuriating. It felt like it’d never fucking end. You barely were conscious of the fact that people would be concerned that you weren’t answering your phone at all—it didn’t even cross your mind, in truth. You didn’t care. All you could think of was the resigned look on Rafe’s face, the quiet acceptance, when he’d been hit. It wasn’t surprise. It was just…tolerance. It burned you. And if you bitterly contrasted that to the smiles he’d had with you…even when you weren’t together…it made you feel sick.

Reality came knocking again though.

Literally.

When you’d been home and steadfastly ignoring absolutely everything for about a week, there was a knock at your door. As if your brain suddenly registered how long it had been since you’d spoken to…well, anyone…you winced and stood from your couch where you’d settled a few hours earlier. You were certain it was Topper at the door ready to chew you out for scaring him by not answering. And, if you were being honest with yourself, you probably deserved it too. You sighed as you moved to open the door, resigned to being scolded.

“Listen, Top,” you began as soon as you started opening the door.

You immediately fell silent.

That…was not Topper.

That was Rafe.

You were stunned to see him. Far more than you cared to admit it. You glanced him over, feeling a little bit like a computer being forced to reboot. His bleached hair—which had looked annoyingly good on him, even though you hated seeing it—had been cut. Now, with his hair shorter, it looked like he had the frosted tips he’d always made fun of Topper for having when your friend had rocked the look. A stupid detail to focus on by all accounts. But, if you were looking at his hair instead of his face…you might be able to keep it together.

Your name falling from Rafe’s lips was what brought you out of your state. “Can I come in?” he asked, voice strangely gentle.

“I…” you trailed off. You didn’t know how to finish it. I want you to come in and never leave? I don’t think that’s a good idea? I want you to leave? I never want to see you again? No. None of that. So instead you shook your head to clear it. “Umm…sure.” You stepped to the side and let him in, shutting the door behind him. You went back to your spot on the couch and sat, looking at him warily. “What are you doing here?”

Rafe shrugged, not looking at you. He stood awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot in a way that was so unlike him it was jarring. “Topper said you haven’t been answering him,” Rafe explained. “Some, uh, some of your friends called me too. Said you haven’t been answering them either.”

“Phone’s been off,” you replied, shrugging in turn. “Been tired, don’t feel like dealing with everyone else right now.” You gave him a flat look. “Again, why are you here, Rafe?”

“I need to talk to you,” he said, sounding almost apologetic for it.

You blew out a breath and closed your eyes. You leaned your head back against your couch and resisted the bitter urge to laugh. “Here we go,” you muttered. You raised your head and looked at him. “We’re really gonna do this again?” You shook your head. “Rafe I’m tired. Of this. There…what conversation are we going to have that’ll fix anything? Oh yeah. None.”

He bit his lip and shifted, uncomfortable. He looked terrified and it made you feel on edge yourself. “I know. I know…I know you feel that way. But…I…please?” he said. He gave you an imploring look and said your name pointedly. “Please hear me out. This…this whole thing? It isn’t what you think.”

You let out an ugly snort, unable to stop yourself from glaring at him. “Oh, then by all means. Sure. Go ahead and try to sell me on another story, Cameron. This oughta be good, right?” you posed, acidic in presentation. He flinched at the words—the tone—but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel bad for it. You shifted. “And can you sit down for fuck’s sake if you’re gonna tell me some story? You’re making me nervous just standing there.”

Rafe nodded jerkily and immediately sat on the chair next to the couch. His eyes were focused intently on you. “I never wanted this to happen. Any of it. I wanted…I wanted to get better. For…you at first. But…then for me. But that…it didn’t matter at first…when we…when we first broke up,” he began. You didn’t bother reacting, simply raising a brow to prompt him to keep speaking. “In the time that we, uh, weren’t talking after we broke up? When I…when I went on the bender we talked about?” Your nose scrunched up, remembering well the time period that very nearly killed him. “That was when I decided to get clean. When I went to my first meeting. I realized that, uh, not remembering most nights was actually…actually, uh, kind of scary. It wasn’t…helping anymore.”

“Real big of you to realize,” you muttered, shaking your head. You folded your hands tightly in front of you and looked at him. “Look, Rafe, what does this even—”

“Please just let me get through this,” he said, openly sounding like he was begging. “When I was on the bender…I guess I applied to be a contestant. I don’t…remember it. They…I…I only saw my audition tape because of your dad. And I…I was so messed up. Everything on the applications and in the tape were incoherent. I…I don’t know how…” He trailed off, swallowing hard and shook his head. “I didn’t remember applying for the stupid show.” He said your name once more, softer, begging you to hear him and believe him. “I…you know I just wanted you again.”

“I don’t know anything,” you denied, voice cool. “Don’t bring me into this Rafe.”

He sighed and scratched the back of his neck nervously. “They called me and said that I’ve been selected. You…I don’t know. It was going to be a lot of fucking money to get out of it. Money I don’t have. Money that my dad wasn’t gonna front me. I…I needed to go. It was the only way. It…it felt like the only way. I…should’ve just talked to your dad first. There were about fifty clauses that could’ve gotten me out of it.” He shook his head and let out a laugh. “But I went. And…the second I got there I knew how big of a fucking mistake it was.”

His face went sour and he stopped speaking for a moment. His eyes were locked on the coffee table between you two. He wasn’t speaking. Wasn’t blinking. Didn’t look like he was breathing. It went on for a few seconds too long and you shifted.

“Rafe,” you prompted quietly, narrowly resisting the urge to reach out and touch him.

He cleared his throat, snapping out of it. “The second I met…Thalia…I knew she had to be the one for me on the show. The way that she was from the beginning? The…the type of person she was? It was the exact type of person I knew I deserved. And I…it made sense why we’d be a match to the producers. I was…a mess, obviously. But…when you left…as…as you should have…I’m…I’m not discounting that,” he emphasized, “it just changed something. I didn’t think I deserved as good as I got from you. Didn’t think that I deserved anything good. So, when she was awful to me…to anyone in the house? I knew she had to be for me. Because who the fuck else would deserve that?”

You stiffened at his words, looking incredulously at him. “No one!” you interrupted. “Why would you think that way? You…you didn’t…you were not a match the producers are fucking idiots who care about making a show that sells, not about the contestants!”

“I know,” Rafe said quietly. “Doesn’t mean that I deserve good things in life. Because I have been…repeatedly and constantly fucking horrible. I’m…I’m not blind to that. I…there’s a reason people don’t want to help me or give me credit for good things. It’s because I have so much shit to make up for. The tiny slivers of good I do don’t cancel out the heaps of bad I’ve done. I know that. I…I do.”

“What the hell are you saying?” you demanded. “Really! I’m fucking lost here, Rafe! You…you are a fucking idiot, man. All I have ever done is love you and try to get you to let me love you. Literally constantly. Since we were kids Rafe! All I have done is try to make you see that you do deserve credit—that you do deserve help.”

Rafe closed his eyes. “I know you have,” he agreed. “But…that doesn’t make it…right. If I deserved better, don’t you think I’d get it? But you? You? You deserve someone who takes care of you and who loves you. Someone who can stand by your side and be proud and unflinching. Someone who doesn’t care about what other people think.” He let out a laugh—it didn’t sound very amused. “Someone who will actually defend you.” He looked seriously at you. “I couldn’t even step in and say anything when Thalia was bad mouthing you. And you think I’m gonna believe I deserve someone as good as you? Yeah, no. I’m too much of a fucking coward. I never went against her. I deserved to be paraded around that stupid fucking villa by her and…”

He trailed off and you felt sick for a moment. You’d seen the show. It wasn’t hard to guess where she’d dragged Rafe off to or anything of that nature. You clenched and unclenched your jaw, trying to force yourself to relax.

“Tell me something, though, Rafe. Did you…want to be dragged around by her? Did you want anything you…did with her? Just…be honest.” His face scrunched up. “It’s not a trick question. I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” He shook his head. “And how often did she tear into you for no reason? How many times? And…and for that matter, how many times did she put her hands on you and hit you—hurt you?” You gesticulated wildly, trying to help convey your point, but really just helping alleviate some of your frustration. “You didn’t deserve to be paraded around and used. And of course you didn’t go against her!”

“I hurt you,” Rafe said, his tone severe, his eyes dark as he thought of it.

“Dear God,” you groaned. “Yeah, you did fucking hurt me Rafe. Guess what? Normal fucking Tuesday for us when we’re not together, isn’t it? We always manage to fuck up and hurt each other. But guess what, Rafe? You were in an impossible situation. I get that. I know that, even though you apparently don’t.”

“Doesn’t make it okay,” he argued. “I don’t…you shouldn’t forgive me for that?”

You rolled your eyes. “Pretty sure I’m the one who gets to decide that,” you shot back. You sighed and gave him an imploring look of your own. “Rafe…why would I ever hold it against you? Especially when I know you were trying not to get hit? I’m begging you, for once in your life, use the brain in your pretty little head and think. Why would I ever blame you for that?”

He didn’t look sold. “I don’t know, because I hurt you,” he said as if that were the only thing that mattered in the world. “Because I didn’t prioritize your feelings like I should have.”

So, you changed tactics.

“What would you…” you trailed off. “How would you feel if it were me, Rafe?”

The look on Rafe’s face immediately hardened. “Well, I would have killed him,” he said, voice harsh. “No one’s putting a hand on you.” You nodded, cocking your head to the side. His angry face cracked and he sighed, slumping back into the chair. “I wouldn’t hold it against you. I’d just be…I’d just be worried.”

“Yeah, exactly,” you said softly, looking at him, eyes soft and sad. “Now you know how I feel.” Slowly, you scooted down the couch until you were next to him. You reached out and gently grabbed his hand. He looked at it and then up at you, startled. “Listen to me, okay?” He kept looking at you, attention raptly on you. “I love you, Rafe. I love you so much. I always will. The…nothing about this experience was good for you.” He went to add something but you cut him off. “Or me. But that doesn’t matter—not when you’re the one in the most pain here. And no matter what? It doesn’t change that I love you.”

You watched as tears rose in his eyes. He immediately retracted his hand from your hold and leaned away, his head on the back of the chair. He closed his eyes as if trying to stop the tears, but it didn’t work. You saw the tears sliding down his face even with his eyes closed. He let out a small sob and you felt tears rise in your own eyes—impressive when you’d thought you’d run out of tears for the week. Moving slowly, you reached out again and grabbed both of his hands, holding them and giving a reassuring squeeze. He raised his head after a moment and opened his eyes.

He was sad—so sad.

He was in pain—so much pain.

“I…I don’t think that I…don’t think I could’ve stopped it without you,” he admitted, voice shaky.

You frowned. “I don’t think you would’ve, no,” you agreed, hating it even as the words fell out. “You’re too convinced you deserve that. But you don’t. You deserve love. Real love.”

He let out a sigh and closed his eyes again, squeezing your hands. “Thanks for calling your dad,” he said lamely after a moment.

“I hope he tears them several new fucking assholes,” you replied back quietly. Without much thought behind it, you raised your joined hands up to your lips and pressed a soft kiss to his hands. You heard his breath hitch and your brain caught up with the action. You immediately released him, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry. Habit. That was…sorry.”

Slowly himself this time, Rafe reached out and took your hands again, squeezing them. “It’s okay,” he assured you. You squeezed his hands back and offered a small smile. “I am sorry. So sorry. I just…you deserved…you deserve so much better.”

“It’s not…not your fault, Rafe,” you said, at a loss for anything else to say. The words were only partially true and you both knew it.

“I’m still sober, by the way,” Rafe blurted out, seemingly out of nowhere. You furrowed your brow and his face flushed. “I mean…I refused to drink anything or take anything. They…they tried to make me but I refused.” His face was grim and drawn, clearly remembering something. And you had no doubt that those conversations had been awful—even with his stubborn nature, you could only imagine what production crew and cast mates had said to try to get him to drink.

You squeezed your still joined hands and shuffled a little bit closer. You already felt terrible for having thrown that in his face when you were pissed—now you just felt worse. “I’m proud of you,” you said, nodding encouragingly at him. “That’s amazing. I can’t…imagine how hard that was. I know it had to be terrible.”

He gave you a shaky smile and then looked down, the look disappearing. “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you,” he said, eyes locked on his lap. “It all…it all happened so fast. Before I knew what was going on really…I was already on a plane to Hawaii. They took our phones the second we got there. I just…I’m sorry. For all of it.”

“Rafe, I don’t blame you for that part at all. I…I wish you would’ve told me…but, I get it. That…they isolate you. I just…I get it,” you said, unable to form your own coherent thoughts as you absorbed that. You had figured it was something like that, but the confirmation just made your irritation spike.

“Do you…” he began, the words seeming to get stuck on his tongue. “Do you think you can forgive me?”

You looked at him, mystified. “What?” you asked.

He looked up at you again, his eyes wide and fearful. “I know it was terrible and I shouldn’t have asked. I’ve done so much to—” he started rambling.

You cut him off by putting your hand gently over his mouth. A habit you’d long since picked up for when he was talking too damn much or running his mouth like an idiot. And he returned with the habit he’d long since picked up of licking your hand to get it away from him. Unlike your usual response to that though, you didn’t move your hand this time.

“After you have undergone…all of that bullshit on that fucking show…of which I know almost nothing and I still know it was bad…after all that…me forgiving you is what you’re worried about?” you asked incredulously.

You moved your hand at that point and watched his cheeks pink at that question. “Yeah,” he admitted easily enough.

“You…Rafe…I need you to get into fucking therapy,” you said, shaking your head. “Why the hell would I be mad at you for getting taken advantage of? Sober you wasn’t the one who applied. It was fifty thousand dollars on the line that you didn’t have. You were being…abused. Why the hell would I be mad at you? What am I supposed to forgive you for? Being an idiot when you’re drunk or high? Well then sure, baby, that’s forgiven as long as you stop doing it.”

“But—”

“No,” you emphasized. “Rafe, I need you to listen to me. Again, I love you. More than anything. I need you to go to therapy. I need you to take it seriously. I need you to get better. Seeing you hurt like this? Seeing you hurt yourself, let others hurt you…thinking you deserve it? I can’t do that. Baby, I need you to understand that you are, independent of everything, worthy of love and affection. Just as you are now. No changes. And I need you to get that I already do love you. Your friends love you. Hell, my friends still love you after all this shit. The whole damn thing. I need you to know that. You are not alone, you should never be or feel alone. You deserve good things. You deserve us all in your life.”

This time, Rafe’s the one to pull his hands away from you. You see his eyes well up again and notice that his chest was moving erratically. He looked away from you, sniffling and your heart shattered. You moved to the edge of the couch, leaning over into his space slowly, giving him ample time to tell you to fuck off or to move himself. He didn’t.

“Baby,” you implored softly, hand on his knee delicately. He let out a shuddering breath and then you moved closer still and wrapped your arms around him. He froze for a moment, but melted into your embrace, going as far as pulling you fully onto him so he could hug you tighter. You responded in kind by wrapping your arms tightly around him. “I got you.”

“I’m so—”

“Stop apologizing,” you urged. “I don’t want you to be sorry. Not for me.” You pressed a kiss to his temple. You pushed your hurt aside, knowing that it wasn’t at this moment, the biggest hurdle—you’d get there when you got there. He was more important in this moment. “We’ll get you through this. We’ll get through this, baby.” You pressed a kiss to his forehead and let out a sigh, tightening your arms. “Don’t worry, baby. I got you.”

“I love you,” he choked out.

Your heart stuttered in your chest and you forced yourself to keep breathing normally. “I love you too,” you assured him.

You really fucking did—God help you, you did.

[minthe-deserved-better]

SATOSHOKO COLLEGE AU

He was four glasses in when the truth slipped out. The bitter flavor of Hennessy danced around his tongue. The same tongue that hadn't stopped moving since the beginning of his second glass. It was possible his words stopped making sense the better half of an hour ago. But he didn’t care, he never really did. That of course didn't stop his drinking buddy from giving his undivided attention. Well, perhaps the word “buddy” wasn’t exactly the most accurate description, “observer” or “chaperone” better suited their current situation.

Suguru was the kind of man who could make you feel like the only important thing in his life without much effort. He was the friend that would look at you and smile when you were telling a story to a group of people who weren't really listening. The guy who would ask you details about some mundane thing you happened to mention a few weeks ago. Which is why it made sense that he would be the first person Satoru confessed his thoughts to.

He was like a priest without the hail Mary.

Suguru watched him from across the table with a careful sort of consideration. He wrapped his lips around his straw. Taking a slow sip from the same glass of vodka he ordered when they first walked into the dingy campus bar that technically, they weren’t legally old enough to be served in, but had managed to maneuver their way into with the assistance of the shitty fake ideas they had paid for in beginning of the semester.

And then again, when had they ever been ones for technicalities?

Even through his alcohol induced haze, Satoru was conscious enough to be annoyed by his best friend's moderation. Here he was drinking his problems away while simultaneously whining about them. And Suguru was sitting across from him, the perfect depiction of composure.

"How do you know?" He asked after a prolonged silence.

The drunk boy, freshly turned man drew back, offended. Ignoring the way he nearly lost his balance when he did. "You think I don't know when I'm in love?" Sober, he was quite the debater. Drunk, he became more of a fighter.

"I was curious, not skeptical.” Suguru shrugged. "I’ve never been in love."

The words had their desired effect. Satoru relaxed in his chair. "I know because she's perfect." It wasn't what he planned to say but it worked nonetheless. He paused. Waiting for his friend to laugh or at least question him. When neither occurred, he continued.

"She makes me feel like I'm supposed to be with her. It wasn't a coincidence that she walked into orientation and sat beside me. She was looking for me. I was supposed to be there. Waiting for her. It's um.. It's well." Satoru snapped his fingers. Trying to bring the specific word to the front of his mind. He knew what he was trying to say. It was right on the tip of his tongue-

"Fate?" Suguru offered.

"Fate." Gojo inhaled the word like it contained the world's last breath of oxygen.

Ierie Shoko.

The object of all of Satoru’s haphazardly placed affection. The premed student, who ironically enough had the smoking habits equivalent to that a middle aged man. She was snarky in a way that made you feel dumb but never stupid.

Satoru had learned that those were two very different things.

Like you were apart of some kind of inside joke that the two of you were only aware of.

Shoko was cool. And not in the easily identifiable sense that was easy to write off as manufactured or disingenuous, but in the way that you could tell that her nonchalant, effortlessly hilarious, incredibly fucking attractive demeanor was something that she had possessed her entire life.

Simply born interesting.

It really wasn’t fair.

The pair had met 2 semesters ago. Bordering on six to seven months. And despite the copious amounts of options that presented themselves at their university, for a reason that was only fully understood by himself, Satoru had fallen in love with a girl, who fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, had become one of his closest friends.

Suguru smirked, more to himself than anyone else, resisting the urge to remind him of the fact that for all intents and purposes she was at orientation because well , it was mandatory for all first year students of the University.

Secondly she had sat between the both of them, initially striking up a conversation with Suguru first. Making the offhanded joke that the “arrogance that radiated off of Saturo had turned her off.”

But despite these situational truths he thought better of it, deciding that now in one of Satoru’s most embarrassingly vulnerable moments his reminders would most likely go unappreciated.

"Then you gotta tell her man.”

He pushed his drink away. Still unfinished.

Satoru scoffed. "I can't just tell her I'm in love with her. Its barely been two semesters. She’s gonna think I’m crazy.”

Suguru leaned forward, patting him on the shoulder.

“She already finds you deeply disturbing.”

Satoru frowned, folding his arms on the unsanitary bar table that had undoubtably served as a comforting surface for the thousands of drunk students that had come before them, and the thousands that would continue the alchoal dependent culture long after they had graduated.

“She didn’t mean it.”

Geto smirked.

“She did.”

Satoru spoke into the table.

“Screw you.”

Suguru smirked patting him on the shoulder.

"This isn’t like you man. You don’t sit and wait for things to happen. You charge in, albeit sometimes with more aggression than you should, and you make them happen. So make it happen.

Satoru leaned into Suguru’ touch to avoid looking in his eyes. He knew his best friend was right. This wasn't like him at all.

Gojo was forward to a fault. If there were pictures in the dictionary, Websters would be knocking at his door for the photo shoot for Outspoken. His name was basically synonymous with candid. So why was he stalling with this woman?

Quick answer? Shoko was unlike any woman he'd met before.

Of course orientation wasn't the first time he was approached by someone attractive. Wasn't even the first time in that same hour. But she made it different. Being propositioned by her didn't just make him feel turned on. It made him feel lucky. Special. Wanted. Seeing her smile at him made everyone else in the room blend in with the wallpaper.

"I'm going to tell her."

“Tonight?”

“Fuck no.”

He shook his head, shoving his phone into his pocket. He was an idiot, a fact both she and himself were acutely aware of. She even found it charming.

However with her being a med- student he knew that she wouldn’t exactly appreciate a drunken phone call that involved him telling her that he was irrevocably in love with her.

He’d rather be castrated. He’d stumble to her dorm eventually. They were in the same floor after all.

"Good idea. You’re a mess.”

Suguru ran his fingers through Satoru’s hair slowly.

He let go of his friend's hair. Taking hold of his drink. This time he forewent the straw and tipped the glass to his lips. Finally finishing it. He cleared his throat and smirked at his best friend and roommate.

"You really think she hates me?”

”Perhaps.”

"What?" He couldn't blame the liquor for his sudden stupor. Even with the honey liquid in his system, he had enough sense to remember how to lunge across a table and tackle him. They’ve been friends since they were 8, being 19 made not a difference. 

"You can always find out. Tomorrow of course." Suguru didn't wait for him to respond before he was slipping a bill under his glass and standing up. "Sleep on this thing before you do something rash.”

Rash decisions. His biggest contender as a second best friend and the death of his conscious.

[sev-on-kamino]

✨WIP Wednesday✨

thank you for the tag @wolffegirlsunite @deejadabbles @anxiouspineapple99 @dystopicjumpsuit @wings-and-beskar 💙💙

It’s coming along well, so here’s a lil sneak peak at the rough draft of:

In Pieces Ch. 2 - (Never Had A) Friend Like Me

pairings: Rex x fem!reader, Cody x fem!reader, Fox x fem!reader, Wolffe x fem!reader

warnings: suggestive af, MINORS DNI

They kept you in a haze of pleasure the rest of the night. Soft touches, lingering kisses, their lips against your ears, whispering to you, as they took you higher and higher.

“Don’t think I could ever get enough of you.”

“It’s so tempting to keep you, mesh’la.”

“You belong in my arms, just like this.”

“We fit together too well. Must have been made for me, cyare.”

Rex watched, fascinated, as you came down from your high.

“So good for us, aren’t you?” He asked softly.

You hummed affirmatively, pressing your face against his neck, while he listened to you working to catch your breath. He noticed your fingers were loosely tangled with Fox’s, while your free hand drew aimless little shapes against his skin. They’d made your body sing for them, and what a beautiful song it was. One Rex could listen to over and over again.

The spell that had bound the four of you was broken as Fox’s alarm went off. The real world was calling.

“Damn!” Fox swore, moving out of your reach, so he could get dressed.

He’d meant to leave a couple of hours ago, but you’d buried your fingers in his curls and pulled him in for another kiss. Instead of leaving he’d given in to your unspoken request, and coaxed another slow, sweet orgasm out of your blissed out body.

As he snapped on his armor, he realized you were a problem. The soft look on your face, as you watched him held so much affection. He hated that he couldn’t be the man you looked at like that every day. It would require time he didn’t have, and you deserved more than he could give.

You whined softly in protest, and Fox’s lips twitched toward a smile before he pulled on his helmet.

“Duty calls, mesh’la. I know you understand,” he explained, his voice firm, yet gentle like your hands had been against his skin.

He knew the brat in you would love nothing more than making him late, and part of him would enjoy it too. He knew the healer in you would relish in sending him off relaxed, and fully satisfied, but he couldn’t follow that train of thought. He couldn’t let himself linger in fantasies, no matter how sweet. He consoled himself with the fact it was a one-time thing, and he’d never be in this position with you again.

You nodded sleepily, before resting your face against Rex’s chest.

“You di’kut, why didn’t you tell us you were on duty today?” Wolffe asked, frowning at his brother.

“It wasn’t relevant,�� Fox replied easily. “I’ve got enough caf to give a rancor a coronary. I’ll be fine. Make sure she gets some sleep.”

“Wasn’t relevant my ass,” Wolffe grumbled, rolling his eyes. He was completely unsurprised that Fox easily placed your well-being over his own despite the fact that you couldn’t have been in better hands. “We’ll make sure she gets rest. You worry about yourself.”

Fox opened his mouth to deliver a snarky reply, but he was cut off by your soft voice, “Bye, Fox. Thank you…”

Cody chuckled and gave your thigh a playful tap.

“Bye, Commander Fox. Thank you, sir,” you corrected with a giggle.

“Good girl,” Cody said, smiling at you.

“Bye, Stitches, thank you,” Fox said, saluting his brothers before he left Rex’s quarters.

“I think our gorgeous girl has had all she can take,” Cody said, catching your chin, pulling you close to press a kiss to your temple.

“Maybe,” you admitted, looking up at him.

“You took all of us so well last night. Let us enjoy you like we wanted,” Cody said, rubbing your back.

“And I’d do it again, Commander. Any time,” you yawned, covering your mouth like you could hide your exhaustion.

“I’m going to hold you to that, mesh’la,” Cody replied, leaning down to kiss your shoulder before he followed Fox’s lead and got dressed to head out.

“You know I will,” Wolffe said, drawing you close to kiss your face before getting dressed as well.

You beamed up at him, before relaxing once more. Warm and safe in Rex’s arms, you slipped into a peaceful sleep, your body finally reaching its limit.

taglist: @secondaryrealm @iamburdened @sunshinesdaydream @dukeoftheblackstar @rexxdjarin @808tsuika @sleepingsun501 @starrylothcat @ladyzirkonia @pb-jellybeans @clio3kantarella @staycalmandhugaclone @stardusthuntress @idontgetanysleep

please also consider this my no pressure invite to share for WIP Wednesday, if you’re so inclined 🥰😌

[titiro]

So uh. cael @thedialup said something about cub as medic tf2 👉👈

I went into a haze and drew this in like. 2 hours

[soukokumychildren]

Boom, I've taken like 2 hours out of my schedule to sudden put my head down and just burst out writing It's about the scene where Yugi reveals about his other self in season 0, episode 23 I wrote this in A03 if you're interested in the note I jotted down there, not that it's important, lol. Anyway...ENJOY

Ka-DOOM! The area shuddered as the platform slammed into place. The force, combined with its weight, rattled the bones in everyone's skin, especially Jonouchi, as he happened to be the closest to the sliver of an exit from the Tetris grounds of Death T-3.

"HONDAAA!" Jonouchi roared, his palms thundering against the base of the cube, flitting over to the corners to scrape his nails against the edges, in frail hopes that he could push the cube loose and retrieve his friend.

They were rendered speechless. Yugi, Anzu, Miho. The exit was sealed shut. With no hopes of recovering what was lost on the other side. Their friend Honda, going to come to terms with the fact his existence was about to be crushed off the face of the earth.

Tears drew to Miho's eyes as the four remained on their knees, distraught, aghast. They stared at the exit with glossy eyes full of fear. Muscles strewn and stunned, they were pinned to the spot. Paralyzed.

"Honda-kun…" Drew the usual anxiety-riddled voice from Yugi, now full of unbelieving sorrow. Hopelessness. The truth was clawing at his nerves, it hadn't fully sunk in. "What about…Honda-kun?" He asks, a dumb question but it hits as hard as a speeding garbage truck all the same. All the hope had been vanquished. Their friend was as good as dead. And there was nothing they could do to help.

"I-I don't….I don't believe this!!" Jonouchi boomed, throwing a punch against solid wall, uncaring for the sudden slams of pain that rocketed up his forearm, digging his nails into his palm hard enough to bleed. Beneath the angry, hurt mask was a man about to break. His eyes shook against the wall before him. "Honda can't die!" He spoke, in full denial as he swung his head back and fourth, unallowing those tears in the corners of his eyes to spill. "That idiot wouldn't go down so easily!" He shouts, gathering enough of his strength to roughly slam his shoulder into the wall, only to catch himself with a strained inhale, shuddering from the pain and grasping his shoulder. The hopelessness was starting to kick into his gaze as he shakily renewed his focus back at the blocked exit.

Thump, thump. Honda-kun… Yugi blearily thinks, rooted to the spot. His eyes glazed over with a haze, his mind drawing back. He was about to go to a place where nobody could reach his conscious as his line of sight fell to the floor. Thump. Thump. Thump. Honda-kun…for me… His thoughts chase, nightmares in the maze of darkness, having sought him out and drawing to a close around his body, choking him up, seeping into his very skin. Thump, thump, thump. He remembers raising his palms to look at them. He doesn't recall realizing a heartbeat--his own heartbeat--louder in his ears. They were as loud as drums. It was increasing volume. The faster he chased the dark thoughts. The faster he fell. Why? Thump, thump. Thump. My friends… Thump, thump thump, thump …My grandpa…are being taken away from me…! THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP He grimanced, his teeth clenching so hard it stung his jaw painfully. He wasn't aware he was clawing at the ground. Swearing at Kaiba's name. KAIBA-KUN! He roars, his internal voice drowned out by the beats of his heart. His body felt heavier, his being desired to burn all that wronged him. He felt a tug, trying to pull him into the unknown. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. He couldn't hear anything through the beats of his own heart. He'd have sworn the others could hear it too, if he remembered that they were there in the first place.

A voice, strewn through the throes of the pressure of the world of underwater, of Yugi focused, he could hear a faint, blurry, and heavy: "HONDA!" But he couldn't make out anything anymore. It was coming. He wasn't aware of it, but he felt it. Wrapping around him, beckoning him back. But there were no words in his mind. It was powerful. He felt it in the marrow of his bones.

Yugi couldn't breathe. His airways closed tightly. The only thing he could hear was his heartbeat, booming. He wanted to clap his hands over his ears. But he was immobile. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. A feeling unrecongnizeable yet familiiar all the same, something was pressing in on his skull, trying to force him into submission. The tremors in his arms radiated through his entire body. He was losing it. Losing control. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. Ice slithered over his chest, the reigns of the rope connecting to the millenium puzzle against his neck drew fourth the cold further. Sweat dripped from his brow, but he wasn't warm. Yugi's skin was clammy. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. The hairs standing on end all over his skin. His arms. His face. His neck. He could feel every inch of clothing over his shuddering form, yet he could feel nothing. Its appeal of drawing his consciousness closed sent a shiver down his spine. He wanted to close his eyes. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. The shadows grew. The darkness wouldn't recede, no matter how many times he tried to bat it away. But he wasn't moving. This wasn't real. It wasn't real. Right? Honda wasn't actually dead….right? "Let's go, everyone!" Something cried, but there was nothing…no, nothing…Yugi was falling, something was wrapping around him, dragging him down, beckoning him to lose control, to lose his humanity in a frenzy, let the rage take over. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. His heartbeat wouldn't cease. He was close. Yugi was about to be drawn into the depths. He stopped breathing as ice grew under his skin, freezing his body up. The shadows were solidifying around him. It was time to leave.

That underwater voice couldn't pierce through the thickening bubble cocooning around Yugi. "Honda is definitely alive!" THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. "Wait!…Something's wrong with Yugi…!" Yugi couldn't reassure them. He was conscious was fading. He could barely fight with his remaining ounces of strength. There were no voices but something was screaming, digging into him enough to burn, like sparks from a sparkler in his brain. He shouldn't be fighting. It hurts. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

Yugi choked on the lack of air, but not a sound slipped out of him. No matter how many times he attempted, he could barely manage in a breath. No, he couldn't manage anything. His mind was held in its choke-hold as well, being crushed under the force of a reckoning power he had no control over. His heart continued to hammer. THUMP. THUMP. "Yu--Yugi-kun?" THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THU-- "Yugi? What's wrong?" And yet, that voice pierced into Yugi's bubble, releasing all the gathered fog that had clouded his thoughts. He gasps, sweat dripping off his chin, curling off the curve of his cheek, and wetting his brow. Sound flooded in, now. The silence, while it had been loud, he found himself grateful. But it wasn't silent, as he tuned into his own body. His breaths were labored against his own ears. He hadn't realized was in fact breathing, and his entire body was shaking. His gaze flickered up, finally taking note to his friends concerned faces at his cold sweat.

Yugi was back. He wasn't in a world of black. The darkness wasn't solidifying, crushing presences around him. The pain was a faint afterglow, so much so that Yugi thought he'd imagined the whole ordeal. But yet, he couldn't shake the presence that loomed over his mind, even if he knew there…shouldn't be such a feeling. He draws his breath to a slower rhythm before speaking. "I…I…" He starts digging his nails back into the floor, murmuring. "Can't… suppress it…" He whispers, his voice nearly crackling, but he chortles the sound back as he focuses his strength back into the folds of his mind, where he couldn't be withdrawn from. "Something inside me." He mumbles, trying to not let his eyes shake with a fear that sunk directly into his heart.

"Yugi…" It was the voice that penetrated his daze. Jonouchi. "What are you saying?" The cast of his friends are bewildered. He wouldn't blame them. He was still recovering from the overwhelming battle he faced in the confines of his mind, realization hitting him that it wasn't a brief moment of his imagination. Yugi closes his eyes, his brow twitching as he once again draws a strangled breath, hoping it would assist him. He wasn't…ready to spill. But he might have no other alternative.. "I…" The boy shakes, his shoulders shuddering. The impact of the tramua-enducing revelation he just underwent still took its toll physically, even if he was starting to feel the warmth bleed back into him. "…Have been hiding something from you all." He concluded, voice wavering with an uncertainty that rattled the group, already heightening everyone's anxiety. Gasps from Anzu and Miho were heard from beside his right, but he couldn't stop now. The can of worms was pried open, he was barreling forward---he couldn't hold this terrible, gut-wrenching secret any longer. He grasps his head, digging his fingers into his scalp, messing up the complicated shape of his hair, albeit a little roughly.

"Inside me…" He conducts the sentences haphazardly, his brain buzzing with mismatched electric currents that caused him to lose focus. Perhaps he was still recovering internally after all.

"I feel like there's another me that I know nothing about…." Yugi chokes, clawing at his scalp. He seals his eyes shut, hurdling on. A gasp chokes him up, and he feels himself on the near edge of tears.

"Another Yugi?!" Jonouchi bursts out, eyes wide in shock that zapped through the whole group. The other two miss the way Anzu lifts her brow, and how she was a little less shocked than the others. As if she anticipated this twist of events. She bites her lip.

Yugi delicately slips his hands away from his scalp, framing the puzzle in between his hands without coming into contact with it. He elaborates further, unable to take his eyes off the gleaming object, as if it drew his eyes to its point. Beckoning him again, remaining without a voice.

"Ever since I completed the millennium puzzle…" He trails off, drawing another breath. He could hear the echos of the beats of his heart in his ears. He was afraid to let it happen again. The adrenaline. It worked him to a point it felt like a breeze. He was so close to giving himself over…

"Sometimes I fade out of consciousness…" He swallows roughly, his eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment, snapping open in a slight irrational fear that he might be taken over again at the first sign of weakness. "I think that's when I change…into the other me." He jitters upward, emotions choking up his throat as he throws his fist near his face, curling in on himself. Yugi's tears threatened to spill before, but they were worse now, clinging to his eyelashes as the first few fell. "Even though we're friends, I thought if you found out…you'd leave..!" He shakes his head frantically. "I was scared of something like that happening..!"

"Yugi…" Jonouchi murmurs, lowering his head to his friend, staring at the down-cast glance his friend couldn't lift up. "I swear to you…Even if there's another Yugi in you…No matter what it is, we'll still be friends." Jonouchi emphasizes this with a gesture of slashing through the air with his hand, a fierce look in his eye. "But…are you really sure you want to be my friend..?" He gingerly asks, deliberately glancing around his circle of friends. He tried to tuck into the back of his mind that Honda was missing from the picture, in a horrified propelled fear that he'd get taken over again. Jonouchi's brow twitches. "What are you saying?" He hisses, scowling at Yugi. "Because…" He huddles his shoulders around his head, withdrawing back into himself. Crippling terror was grasping its rigid cold claws over his heart again. Yugi couldn't help it…

"Because.. It's my fault that this…is happening to everyone." He holds in the tears, gripping at his pant legs with his fingers, clawing at the seams in a desperation that he tried to withhold. "To…Honda-kun, a-and…to Grandpa…" He bites back a sob, sucking in a breath as his body continues to tremble uncontrollably. "If it's not for me, this wouldn't have happened!!" Yugi have screams near the end of his sentence as tears cascade down his cheeks. He's sick of this. His nerves twitched in his neck as he expected to be hit with a blow and told he was a little wuss that felt sorry for himself too often. He wasn't expecting what came next. "YUGI!" Jonouchi shouts, grabbing him by both sides of his shirt collar, hauling him up to meet face-to-face with his best friend. He's half unaware that his female friends stand on the sidelines, exchanging glances from both arguing parties. "Try saying that again!" He seethes, his eyes hidden from his golden streaks of hair--until Anzu interupts. "Jonouchi, cut it out!" Yugi sniffles, sucking back up the mucus that strung up in his nose. He didn't need another reason to list how pathetically emotional he was in front of his band of awesome friends.

"Don't you understand why we came with you?" The blonde asks, nudging his chin in the direction of the other two, almost looking behind him. But worry rippled through him again, and that wasn't the point he was trying to come across. He'd have to deal with that later. Honda wasn't dead. "Isn't it because we're friends?" He shook Yugi a bit, but not enough for it to damage the kid. Jonouchi lets go, progressively rising to his feet. Yugi joins with a stagger in his step, but managing to steel himself enough wits to stand upright. "Yugi, with friends…" The blonde continues having let go of Yugi's collar, but now grasping onto his shoulders firmly, yet gently, "they like others, allowing themselves to like themselves. Friends better us." "That's why they want to be together! If you're in pain, or suffering, then give some to me!" He holds his gaze, despite getting gut-punched with a Yugi once again on the verge of tears at arms length, but he couldn't stop now, just like Yugi had earlier. "That's what being friends is about!" Yugi chokes out something that rings akin to Jonouchi's name, but it couldn't come out all the way. Tears once again began to fall, like crystals or the droplets of fresh dew in the morning sun.

Something shifts beside the two men, and they inheritantly realized that Anzu shuffled her foot forward, along with outstretching an arm, gazing fondly at the back of her hand. She's smiling. Miho takes it upon herself, without a word but a small, breathy chuckle, to elegantly top her hand over Anzu's. Jonouchi, getting it, follows suit. A smile slowly etching onto his features.

And Yugi, his expression cracking into a smile, wipes away access tears, and gingerly sets his palm above the other three's gathered hands. Yugi feels his heart swell with warmth again. Anzu pipes up, giving Yugi a smile that heats him up like hot coco on a winter day. "Jonouchi is right. We're friends," Her eyes grow lidded, "no matter what happens. Right, Miho?" She jumps a little, her purple hair leaping around her shoulders, flashing a smile warm of summer. "Yep! Of course!"

Yugi smiles a little wider. That gaping chasm of hopelessness and despair wasn't so wide anymore. Belief thrummed through his veins, and while he wasn't paying attention, his puzzle pulsed with a slight hum of energy. He could do this. He and his friends. Could do this. Yugi wasn't alone.

Honda was gonna be okay. Everything was going to be alright.

After all, why should he stop believing now, after he had come so far?

[beantothemax]

The wind was cold and bitter as Temenos trekked through Stormhail. The other travellers were staying at the inn, per his request. This was a matter he needed to handle on his lonesome. He drew his woolen cape tighter around him as he pressed forward, squinting to see through the snowy haze. There, he saw the twisting spires of the Sacred Guard headquarters, and a crowd gathered at the foot of the steps. Dread twisted his gut, worry tugged at his heart, and he braced himself for something horrible to warrant such a crowd.

He drew his staff from the folds of his cloak, parting the crowd as it glinted in the sunlight. “Pardon me, excuse me, yes, thank you...” He murmured as he slipped past the few people who didn’t move.

The sight that awaited him was the last one he wanted. Crick, hunched over in pain, barely breathing, a sword piercing his stomach. His eyes flicked up to Temenos’s, and his lips moved, rasping out his name. “Te... menos...” He gasped, and Temenos hurriedly fell to his knees, searching Crick’s face, checking his heartbeat. It was faint, but it was there. “Somebody go to the inn and fetch the apothecary! HURRY!” He rarely ever shouted, but he felt that he had to this time to get people to move.

It worked. Someone ran off to the inn, and not 2 minutes later, Cassti was barreling towards them, hand clutching her satchel tightly. She skidded on her knees in front of Crick, beside Temenos. “Temenos, do exactly as I tell you, and nothing more. Understood?” Though her voice was commanding, not harsh, it still send a ripple of surprise and shock that the Inquisitor of the High Church would allow this unassuming apothecary to order him around. Temenos simply nodded. “I understand, Cassti. Tell me what I can do to help.”

Perhaps Cassti heard the desperation in his voice, because her expression and tone softened slightly. “Use your Holy Light to heal the majors of his wounds. I am going to remove the sword, I want you to say the spell immediately after, okay?” Temenos nodded in understanding, and prepared himself. There was a disgusting sound- a mix between the crunching of ice and the wetness of something being removed from a squishy substance- and Temenos pressed his hands to the skin around the wound, closing his eyes so as to not have to look directly at it. He murmured the prayer, and warm yellow light began to glow around the injury, knitting the flesh inside back together. When he felt himself start to sway, he removed his hands, and pressed them against the earth, steadying himself. Cassti looked to the townsfolk. “Someone help me get this man to the inn! I cannot treat him here.” Someone came forward and grabbed Temenos’s arm, which he jerked away. “Not me, you fool! The Knight, the man with the stomach wound!” He cried, and the person fell back, looking embarrassed, before gently helping Cassti pick Crick up. He groaned, a good sign. Temenos tailed them, staff held tightly in his hand.

Cassti and the townsperson set Crick down on Temenos’s bed after Temenos laid down a clean sheet above his covers, and Cassti went to work. Half an hour of grueling work later, Crick was asleep with his stomach full of stitches and healing elixers, and warm under Temenos’s blankets. The cleric cast a grateful look at the apothecary, who just smiled and left.

Temenos was sitting down at the desk, reading his book of scripture, when he heard the telltale signs of someone waking up. He looked up and over at the bed, and saw Crick staring at him, eyes wide. Temenos smiled, and stood up, not bothering to hide how utterly relieved he was. “Crick...” He breathed, and Crick motioned for Temenos to join him in bed. Temenos obliged him, carefully sliding under the sheets to not disturb him. Crick rested his forehead on Temenos’s chest, and Temenos toyed with his hair. “I was so scared, Crick... I was terrified that you wouldn’t make it. I suppose I learned my lesson about underestimating a mighty Godsblade, hm?” Crick just chuckled, nestling his head further into Temenos’s clothes.

Although no further words were spoken that day between the two of them, the message they shared was clear.

I’m glad you’re okay.

au where kaldena forgot to sharpen her sword that day and lived to regret it

not sure why you just wrote an detailed summary of temenos’s chapter 3…. thought you were writing an au this is just what happens in the game/j

AAAAAUGH.. waahhh…. the end.. perfect.

[halcyon-digest]

2018

Art Klaudt: Walking around Glasgow during a snowstorm listening to the Units

Anonymous 1: became vegan

ava: in the summer, joining a network of music-related discord servers for the first time and meeting a bunch of people, many of whom are now my best friends. feeling like i had truly found “my people” for the first time in my entire life, feeling like the music world had opened up to me as i was exposed to so much more stuff than i ever had been before. me and my friends listened to a different album together every night, sharing our favorites and bonding in a way i had never experienced. a lot of complicated stuff would end up happening down the road but this summer was just pure unadulterated joy and wonder

kate: My phone reminds me of this often because for some reason it's the only thing I ever put into iCloud and it got copied onto my new phone while everything else I ever took pictures of I've manually moved onto my computer. But anyways my partner and I went to Cape Verde to visit an old couple he's friends with who are kind of like his surrogate parents. I tried learning Portuguese, and some of the Portuguese creole they speak there but didn't get very far and ended up never using it. We stayed on Mindelo, and in my mind the whole time I was fantasizing that I was in the Abarat, a book series I liked as a kid that centers on an archipelago where each island represents an hour of the day. I remember being most struck by the buildings there, which are old and colorful and gorgeous. Stray dogs roam everywhere, and there was a gas station down the road where you could get a coffee (espresso) and a ham toasty for a dollar each. Truly ideal. Also everyone drinks grog. We visited the top of a mountain, and there was a grog stand up there. And we had shots of grog. At 10am. On top of a mountain.

Anonymous 2: the directionlessness that comes with graduating high school and suddenly being told you are an adult. i have a particular recollection of standing in a wawa and looking at the cigarettes behind the counter. i couldnt buy them because the prior year my state had raised the age from 18 to 21 but it made me think about what it means to be an adult

Lucas: I remember my route home from school on bike

Anonymous 3: Lying down on a banquette in the strange public area of my university that was completely encased in a plastic membrane, making it unbearably hot and stuffy, lying with my cheek against the rough grey fabric of the banquette, smelling its smell, looking across at the other banquette opposite, feeling unbearably hot and stuffy and sleepy, just woken up from a nap, and listening to "Ravens" from "A Crow Looked at Me" while seagulls walked around on the plastic membrane above me.

Anonymous 4: Tearing my ACL and my battle with depression

Anonymous 5: A haze

superswag: incel ohase

v0w0v: Dancing at the only strip club in town, freshly 18, freshly moved to a new city for school. The people there were all old and strange. I thought I was getting ahead of them, tricking them in some way. One night one of the bouncers invited me over to hang out at their house after a shift. At a certain point in the night,  child came downstairs, and asked "What's going on?". Was hit with the terrible realization that the person I had the most in common with in the room was this child. A bouncer named "T-Bone" called me an Uber back to the dorms.

Anonymous 6: Getting an email from the person who made a video game I cared a lot about at the time.

Anonymous 7: marxism.

binnie: ... engaging in a not too distant LDR and not long after meeting this girl in person and spending a week together.. and ... feeling like things were gonna be okay for me actually ...

Anonymous 8: Two of my friends drowning to death and isolating myself

April M. Mildew: It is autumn. I am on the back porch. I am sending my friends a picture I drew of my fursona. She is a girl now. I will go inside and try to fall asleep on an air mattress next to my dad. He does not want the TV to be turned off. It is loud. I have school in the morning. I have formed an association in my head between this new place I have moved to and the album Congratulations by MGMT.

[wybienova]

heavenly

[mysticalrambling]

Ending It All Part 1 (C.E)

Part 2

Chris Evans Fan fiction (Fan fiction Masterlist)

Summary: Chris wants to end your marriage and you decide to go along with it. You have to be civil for the sake of the kids but you are hurt. This process is too much for the both of you and eventually, it all ends.

Warnings: Angst all the way. 

._._._._._.

You had seen it coming from a mile. People say that a woman’s sixth sense is her greatest power. You always took pride in it but in this case, it was a curse. Chris and you have known each other for the past seven years and from those years, you were married for five. He was the love of your life. You thought it was forever but apparently you were wrong. You were wrong about so many things.

From the past six months, Chris has been home for a couple of days at most and then he was traveling. Traveling for work, for friends and whatnot. And for the days that he was here, he didn’t look at you like you were his wife, his soulmate. He looked at you like you were a stranger. Spending time with the kids was all he ever did and then came up with measly explanations to go off to bed early. There was no space left for you in his life. You thought that it was just a rough patch but that was not the case.

“(Y/N), we need to talk.” The determined look in his icy blue eyes said it all.

Taking a deep breath, you shakily replied, “Let me just put the kids to sleep.” Your energetic kids had tired out you for the whole day because you were off from work today. Chris had just come back from shooting and he didn’t give you a kiss like he usually did. In fact, he hadn’t kissed you like he meant it for several years now.

“I will be in the kitchen. You want wine?” He was walking away before you could even reply.

“Yeah, sure.” You mumbled out and you didn’t even know that he listened.

“Mommy, we are going to spend the whole day with you and daddy tomorrow?”  Mia and Jace have started to pick up on the fact that there was something going on between their parents. You wanted to keep all of this away from your four and two year old but it seems that you might have failed. You were failing at a lot of things right now.

“Yes, we will. Now, go to sleep.” It took you about half an hour to be put them to sleep and during that time, you were a wreck. There were a thousand possibilities running through your mind.

Coming back downstairs, Chris handed you the glass of wine, your favorite as always. He knew every little detail about you. “(Y/N), I don’t know how to say this but-”

“Before you finish that sentence, I just need to tell you that I promised the kids a day out tomorrow. Don’t ruin it.”

“I- I can’t say that.” Fiddling with his almost empty glass, he couldn’t bring it in himself to look at you. He was going to ruin this promise as well just like he was going to ruin everything.

“Just, go on.” You refilled the wine glass as you knew you needed the alcoholic haze to get through this conversation.

“I can’t do this anymore. This is just not what I want in my life anymore.” Your breath hitched and your heart broke into tiny little pieces.

Exact words were what you needed to hear right now. No vague statements. “What do you mean? What can’t you do?”

“This. This relationship. I think I am done. I am truly sorry, (Y/N).”

“Is- Is there someone else?” It was as if a ball was lodged in your throat and you couldn’t bring yourself to talk coherently. Fluently.

Chris looked at you, horrified. How could you even say that? He would never in a million years even think about cheating on you. Dignity was an important trait for Chris and if he ever cheated, he wouldn’t be able to look at himself. It hurt him that you would even consider this as a reason but he couldn’t blame you.

“No! This is not the reason. Not at all.” A defensive attitude was immediately taken up by your husband.

“Then is it me? Am I not enough for you?” Hot tears rolled down your cheeks but you didn’t have the energy to wipe them out.

“It is not you, darling. I just don’t think this is what I want with my life anymore. I want to solely focus on my career.”

“You are choosing your career over your family.” As the realization started to hit you, you couldn’t control the anger that took over you. “Over your family, Chris?”

“(Y/N) I am just done. I want an out and can we please try to be civil about this?” He pleaded.

“You want me to be civil about this? Fine.” You took a calming breath and closed your eyes for a second. “Just explain it to me. Maybe we can work something out.”

“I can’t- I don’t know how to explain it. Seven months ago I just woke up and I didn’t want to do this anymore. I want to start over.” A shocking chill passed through your body and you realized that it was hurt. You were betrayed.

“So you don’t want to do anything with me or the kids as well?”

“No. I want to be a part of their lives and-”

You looked him in the eyes and spoke in a broken voice, “It’s just me that you want out of your life.”

“Darling, no-” Chris tried to reach out for your hand but you placed them on your hands. He had lost the right to touch you from the moment he said that he didn’t want you. You were just a problem for him that needed to be solved.

There were years when he needed you every step of the way. Chris met you at a party that Scarlett threw. You were her best friend so you were invited to her New Year’s party. The moment he saw you, he was head over heels. He followed you around for two months to get you to go on a date with him. You used to tease him afterwards that he was a love sick puppy. But he was your love sick puppy.

That was not the case now and you didn’t know what you will do if he wasn’t in your life anymore. Your world revolved around your family but now it was all falling apart. You were falling apart.

“We can file for divorce tomorrow. Do you want to stay here tonight?” Wiping your tears, you got up from the stool and put the glasses in the sink.

“Uhh okay, okay. I can stay with Scott tonight.”

This was not what he expected. He expected you to cry, fight, scream. He thought there would be more discussion on this topic. Seven years were going to waste and you were treating this as a simple business transaction. Truth be told, you didn’t want him to see you fall apart. Chris had lost that right. If he didn’t want a life with you, then you were not going to beg him to stay. You were going to fulfill his wish and set him free.

“We have to take the kids out tomorrow. I was thinking the park.”

“What?” He was too distracted by everything to even realize what you were talking about.

“We will talk to them about the divorce tomorrow.”

“Isn’t this going a little too fast?”

“We should get this all over with as soon as possible. Goodbye, Chris.” Silently pecking him on his cheek, you went to your shared bedroom.

The moment your head touched the pillow, you were surrounded by his scent. The dam burst and you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your face and getting soaked up by the cushions. What were you going to do with your life now? You had to come up with a plan to manage the kids together with Chris. You had to think about getting a job that would accommodate your kids in to it now that you were going to be a single parent. You didn’t get a wink of sleep last night and you cried a lot.

On the other hand, Chris was not doing any better. Scott gave him the spare guest room to sleep in. He didn’t know what was going on between his brother and you but he knew it was serious. Chris couldn’t sleep last night either because he was not used to. This was the first time in seven years that you both were in the same city and you were not sleeping together. You wouldn’t be sleeping with him from now on. He has to get used to that idea. The idea of you not being there every step of the way because this was his own doing. He was dreading tomorrow as he was the one who was destroying his family.

“Hi. I was just here to pick you all up.” Guilt washed over him when he noticed your red puffy eyes and eye bags.

“You didn’t have to. We could have come there by ourselves.”

“We always go to the park together. It is our thing.”

“We can’t do all of these things now. Everything is going to change.”

“Right.” You moved towards the kitchen and he followed you like a lost puppy.

“Daddy!” Both kids ran up to him and clinged to his legs like two little monkeys.

“Hey babies.” He held on to them a little bit longer because he knew he was the one who was ruining their little lives.

“Where were you? Missed your pancakes. Mama doesn’t make good.” Mia hadn’t learned to make full sentences yet but Chris understood her perfectly.

“I was busy, baby. I- I-”

“Go get your shoes on. We are going to be late.” You saved him from the conversation because he looked like a deer caught in headlight. Chris couldn’t answer his daughter as this was how it was going to be. He wouldn’t be there for all of this. The important phases. Jace’s first soccer win, his first award, or Mia’s first school day, her first break up, her prom. He was going to miss most of them because you would be there with them while he will get them for weekends mostly.

“Let’s go.” Buckling his kids in, he sat in the driver’s seat. When he pulled out of the garage, his hand instinctively went for yours. It was out of pure instinct. You retracted your hand immediately and Chris just drew in a shaky breath, He was not allowed to touch you now.

“I am taking them to the swings. Do you want to come with?”

“No, I am just going to my usual spot to read my book.” There was a maple tree that had been your spot for the past five years. It was where you rested and caught up with your reading.

“Okay.”

The next hour was spent with Chris going on to every swing with his kids. He didn’t want to miss anything. Plus, he didn’t know how he could sit with you under the tree that held so many memories. You told him that you will marry him under this tree and that you were pregnant with Jace. It was all too much. You couldn’t focus on your reading when this might be the last time you get to see him with your kids. The last time you were together as husband and wife. This might be the last time because Chris wanted you out of his life.

“Hey, kids. We have to talk to you.” You finally gathered up some courage when they all came to sit beside you. Chris couldn’t bring himself to start up this conversation so he was glad that you did.

“Yeah, Mommy?”

“So you know how your friend Oliver’s parents don’t live together but they still love him very much.”

“Yeah.” Jace’s whole concentration was on his ice cream but he still nodded his head to indicate that he was listening. Mia was too young to comprehend it all so you mainly focused on your son.

“Well, Daddy and I are going to be doing the same thing. We love you both very much and we will always there be with you.”

“But Ollie’s daddy doesn’t live with him.” His blue eyes focused on the two of you when he made the statement.

“Yeah, buddy. I will be staying at an apartment really near by. You both can come whenever you want to.”

“You won’t be there to read us night stories or make our favorite brekky?” His question threw Chris off guard and he froze in his place.

“He will be there to do everything for you guys. Mia and you can go to daddy’s place and he can do all this.” You jumped in when you noticed that Chris didn’t know how to respond to all this. “Right, Chris?”

“Yes, that’s right. Nothing is going to change, buddy.” Wiping away his tears, your husband placed him on his lap with Mia.

“Promise?” Mia spoke up this time because she understood that her daddy wouldn’t live with her like he always did.

“Promise. Let’s go back to the house. You both look tired.”

You placed Mia on her bed while Chris did the same for Jace. They both were out the moment they were buckled in their car seats. Coming downstairs, you prepared coffee for Chris and yourself. He always liked his coffee black so that’s what you made for him. The cup was placed in front of him and he sighed because no one made coffee like you.

“Our lawyer said that he will have the papers delivered to us by tomorrow.”

“Okay, I saw this new apartment building when I was coming here this morning. I might rent it out. The penthouse has three rooms. One for the kids and one is the guest bedroom. You can stay there when you bring the kids over.” He looked at you with a defensive position.

“I won’t be staying at your apartment so please don’t take me into consideration.” You didn’t understand why he thought you would ever stay over at his place. You would never subject yourself to that kind of pain.

“But there can be special circumstances and my home will always be open for you, (Y/N). We can still be friends.” He was hoping against all hope that you would agree. He still wanted you in his life.

“I don’t think I can do that. Be friends. There is too much history. Let’s just keep it to the kids right now.” You picked on your nails because you didn’t want to cry like a little girl in front of him. “And I am going to change houses as well so do you want to sell this one?”

“Why do you have to move?” Chris was shocked to hear those words come out of your mouth.

“I can’t live in a house that was meant to be our family house. I just can’t.”

He understood where you were coming from but this house held too many memories. He couldn’t think of another family living here. Some couple living in your master bedroom, some kids running around in your children’s playground, some other family’s picture instead of yours. It was just too much to think about.

“Let’s just keep the house. When the kids grow up, they can have it.”

“Okay. I am tired right now so I am going to bed. I will sign the papers tomorrow and send them over to Scott’s.” You placed the empty mug on the counter and stood in a straight posture. “You want the kids this weekend?”

“Yes, I would like that. Do you want to maybe come with us?” He didn’t know why he was not ready to let you go yet. This was all his doing but he just couldn’t accept it right now.

“Umm no. I think we should settle the kids into this new routine.”

“I guess you are right.”

“Goodbye, Chris. I love you and I will always love you.” You regretted the words that came out of your mouth the instant you said them. You were so stupid but you just couldn’t help yourself. This was probably the last time you ever got to say it.

“I- I love you too, (Y/N). I will always be there for you. Goodbye, darling.” The lump in his throat seemed to grow bigger by the second but he had to say this. Lightly pecking you on the lips, he knew this was the last time he ever got to do this. He left afterwards and you couldn’t help but tear up. The same thing happened with Chris. This was it. Your marriage was over but your love would always be there.

Hope you guys liked it!!

._._._._._.

A/N: I literally cried while writing this fan fiction. This one is particularly close to my heart so please let me know what you think about it. If you want to be added to my tag list, message me. I am also open to requests for this series; requests, blurbs, anything.

P.S: There is a part 2 as well.

Tag list: @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile, @iguessweallcrazyithinktho, @jessyballet , @luckyladycreator2

Like, comment and reblog.

._._._._._.

[stanning-reyna]

part 2 of this. i hope you all were in the mood for more siren!percy

. . .

That won’t be an issue if you never wake up from the spell.

The thought sent a shiver down her spine. He was offering her a life spent under the spell of his song, eternal bliss. There would be no tears, but also no escape. Annabeth knew she wouldn’t have the power to free herself from the spell once it took hold.

Percy took her hands into his. 

“You wake up screaming every night, Beth. You’re running on less than 3 hours of sleep, trying to maintain your grades just so you can move on to college, but that won’t make any of this better,” he spoke earnestly. “And it’s all because of the things you’ve seen, because of the memories. You don’t have to carry them with you anymore. Let me take them away.”

It was true, she knew, that he could wipe the memories from her mind. The allure would make her forget about everything. The battles. The deaths. Tartarus. Luke. All of it would be gone. She couldn’t deny the sense of relief that came with the thought. So why did part of her feel like this was still a bad idea?

You trust Percy, Annabeth reminded herself. She had known him since they were 12. She had relied on him countless times, and he had never let her down. She could rely on him now, too. Percy wouldn’t have suggested the idea if he hadn’t thought it through first, she reasoned. Accept the offer. 

But could she give up everything else? Her designs, school, her friends? Then again, when was the last time she had really enjoyed any of those things? None of it had been the same since Tartarus, since the nightmares which left her shaking and exhausted. Almost everything she did nowadays was cloaked in a haze of weariness and suffering.

The siren spell would get rid of that haze, wouldn’t it? Or at least replace it with a much more enjoyable one. And Percy was offering her an entire life spent like that, how could she turn down that offer? The answer was clear- she couldn’t.

Annabeth knew her decision. She turned so Percy could see her face and quietly said, “Let’s do it.”

A warm smile spread across his lips that made her stomach fill with butterflies. Years she’d known him, and every time she saw his heartfelt smile it made her feel like she was a lovesick fourteen year old girl again. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

“You’ll make sure nothing goes wrong or-”

“Of course, Beth,” he chuckled quietly. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She nodded, a reminder to herself that this was the right choice. 

Percy cleared his throat. “Ready?”

Annabeth took a deep breath in and thought for a moment. Did she have anything else she needed to say before she went under? Her mind drew a blank. Everything that she wanted to be remembered for by future generations was already put in stone in the temples of Mount Olympus. Percy could take care of anything else.

“Yeah, go ahead,” she replied. 

"You sure about this?"

"Of course, Percy. Just do it."

He nodded hastily and leaned in close so that she could feel his warm breath on her neck, and then he began to hum. She couldn’t pinpoint the melody, but it was lovely. Soft and lilting, like a boat on the sea. An image of a canoe filled her mind, Percy sitting across from her, splashing his hand in the water at their side. 

It was a summer day, warm and sunny. The tune was all around her, filling the air, and for a moment she realized it was infiltrating her mind. That moment passed in an instant, and again she was floating on the ocean with Percy. She felt herself relaxing, swaying with the waves that rocked the canoe.

Percy’s pov

Annabeth’s eyes had turned a soft sea green, just like they did the first time he sang to her. It was almost as if a film covered them, preventing her from seeing the real world. It was better that way, he knew. The real world was full of pain and suffering and somehow Annabeth had managed to witness it all. He couldn’t let it continue to hurt her.

Percy finished what he was singing. It was short and sweet- a spell light enough that if Annabeth changed her mind, she could fight it. He wanted to leave her that option, even if he doubted she would use it. The placid look of happiness that rested on her face in the dark living room made him certain she wouldn’t be changing her mind anytime soon.

[lavendermin]

if all stars fell at once (2) | xiao

pairing | xiao/reader

word count | 2.5k

genre | fluff, light angst, developing relationship, overall domestic

warnings | eventual smut

The moon was high behind the peaks of mountains; a deep navy sky clear in display of its many twinkling stars. Though the land was asleep, the crickets softly hummed their conversation and a few fireflies speckled the dark.

Perhaps it’s your high spirits at the change of routine and tender moment under falling stars, but the scenery around you has never looked more magical.

“If you continue to stare up at the sky while you walk, you’ll lose your footing and fall.”

You turned around at Xiao’s comment, face still alight with a grin you were sure made you look like a giddy child. The faint smile on his lips gave away his amusement.

“And if I do, will you be there to catch me?”

“Anywhere, anytime,” Xiao reassured, arms crossed over his chest.

Though it was a rhetorical question, the power his aura exuded as an adeptus solidified his words as not only a confirmation, but a promise.

Approaching the steps that lead further up the village to where your house was tucked away, you paused. Noticing this, Xiao looked up at you and was met with your outstretched hand— patient and waiting. His lips slightly parted in brief confusion, and the innocence his eyes held reminded you of a kitten curiously approaching something new.

Endearment. It pulled your heartstrings in the honeyed melody that had you in its audience.

There was brief hesitation. His gloved hand slowly settled into yours and he quietly allowed you to lead him up the stone steps of the winding hills. The warmth rose high on his cheeks, unnoticed by you as you led the way in your sleep-driven haze.

The exhaustion of the day seeped into your bones as you hobbled tiredly over to the familiar front door. Xiao watched attentively as you sluggishly fumbled around for a vase to hold your glaze lilies while getting ready for bed. Mortals were undeniably limited in their energy— always dependent on slumber and moments of rest to replenish and recharge their energy. However bothersome it seemed to Xiao before, seemed to have a change of heart upon seeing your switch in demeanor. It was… cute, and such thoughts filled him with the overwhelming need to just— hold you safely in his arms.

Gods… he was so touch starved and didn’t even know it. Such strange urges only served to further vex & confuse him.

Kneeling by your bedside, he pushed some hair out of your face. You were comfortably under a sea of blankets, the warmth of them quickly promising to have your wish come true. Through heavy lids, you gave him a goofy grin; mind aloof with lulls of sleep.

“Thank you for watching the stars with me.”

There you go again. Thanking him for such trivial and insignificant things. It flustered him. No— it made the fearsome Conqueror of Demons bashful.

“It’s nothing to thank me for,” Xiao uttered softly, fingers absentmindedly combing through your hair. You only hummed and relaxed into his touch in response, too tired to chide him.

“Did you mean it?” you groggily muttered from under your covers. “Wanting to get to know me more.”

Xiao nodded. “Rest now. We can talk later.”

The yaksha froze in his advances to leave, feeling the faintest tug on his sleeve.

“Stay… please, Xiao,” you begged weakly. “Just until I fall asleep.”

There was an uncharacteristic mix of fear and defeat in those words alone. It made his chest twinge with hurt. The wish you made earlier… Was sleep truly that difficult for you? He wondered what would impede your nights with restlessness. With a defeated sigh, the yaksha settled back next to you.

“Thank y–“ Xiao cut you off with a breathy chuckle, placing his hand over your eyes.

“Just sleep. I’ll stay.”

Not even two minutes had passed, yet you were already fast asleep. So, you were only keeping awake out of stubbornness… Somehow it no longer surprised him. Xiao watched as your breathing became steadier, face relaxed into your tranquil state of sleep.

Though the promise was only to stay until you were fast asleep, Xiao found himself unable to leave— unwilling to leave. To wish for enough sleep… it only left him wondering what the issue there was.

Perhaps a year ago he would have scoffed at the idea of trying to solve a human’s sleeping problem. My, how you've gotten him wrapped around your finger. Still, he sat in the dark room washed over by pale moonlight and stared absentmindedly at the ceiling, lost in his own thoughts. Were you a light sleeper? Or perhaps it was insomnia, though it would contradict how fast you fell asleep. The only other possibility he could consider was an external force that came to make a ruckus at night.

Part of him was fighting to just leave. It was none of his business to be a sleep therapist.

I wish to get to know you better.

The wish he made— though he didn’t believe in mortals’ naive, wishful thinking, he truly did want to know you better. That single want was the thread that bound him to his current disposition.

Before he knew it, he had already stayed an hour. Muffled whimpering pulled him out of his thoughts as he glanced back over to you. There was a thin sheen of sweat on your forehead as you shifted around. Your brows were furrowed in discomfort and face in a frown that shifted from fear to stress.

Ah. Nightmares.

Somehow the thought had escaped him, and now he was reminded of the unpredictability of mortal dreams.

Dream eater. That’s what he once was. The memories of his past, the dreams he painfully consumed, were enough to raise bile in his throat in a suffocating feeling. He wasn’t sure how to help you. Comforting others was never his strong suit and the thought of eating your dream… It made his hand tremble. In anticipation or fear, he couldn’t say.

The hesitation was clear, seeping into his movements as his hand slowly drew closer over your head.

“It’s… okay,” he quietly reassured, awkwardly patting your head in what he attempted to be a comforting motion. “I’m right here.”

Slowly, your face eased into a more relaxed state. Your breathing returned to a steady rhythm as you settled back into a restful sleep. Perhaps the nightmare had already subsided for the time being.

Xiao hadn’t realized until now how his shoulders stiffened with lingering worry, nor how he had held his breath to see your expression change. He scoffed inwardly at himself, rising from the bed and descending back into the night to continue his eternal back-and-forth with the karmic debt that hung over his shoulders.

“I’ve long gone past the point of no return.”

——

“Emissary Ganyu, what a pleasant surprise running into you today.” You warmly greeted the busy-bee secretary of Yuehai Pavilion. Her entrance to Bubu Pharmacy was graceful, and she warmly reciprocated the greeting.

Slight embarrassment dusted her cheeks as she privately added, “P-Please, the formality is a little… You don’t have to use the titles. I’m content with just being Ganyu when we meet.” She waved a hand dismissively at herself. “But I digress, what brings you here today?”

With a tired sigh and halfhearted smile, you gestured toward the box of medicine herbalist Gui was packing for you. “Nothing severe. I just ran out of medicine for headaches and remedies for stress.”

Ganyu’s expression softened with knowing concern. “Has sleep become an issue once again?”

You nodded, handing the herbalist what you owed with a grateful ‘thank you’. “Slept rather well last night at least. I feel fine today,” you reassure with a smile.

Being alive as long as she has, Ganyu has known your family for generations and witnessed all that has traversed them for as long as she can remember. The stresses that ail you— the sources of your sleeplessness— Ganyu knew them well.

The sole remaining descendant of your family. Perhaps she saw herself in you, and that’s why she kept her promise to your grandmother of being someone you could rely on.

“That’s a relief to hear,” Ganyu sighed, expression relaxing from its worry. “I came here to drop off licensing renewals and paperwork for Baizhu. If you’re feeling up to it, we can catch up with a quick lunch.”

Ever the busy-body, you mused fondly.

“I’d like that.”

Never a dull moment with her, Ganyu was quick to get you in step with her schedule flow. Luckily, you were rested enough to keep up with her today.

You anxiously fiddled with the napkin on your lap. “Isn't this a bit… much?”

Seated within the highly-regarded Liuli Pavilion, you couldn’t help but feel a little out of place. Such enticing dishes laid out before you… smelled expensive. It wasn’t the first time you’d been brought to eat here with her, and though it was a rarity you were still never one to indulge too much in lavish luxury from the city.

“Not at all,” Ganyu wholeheartedly reassured. “It's my treat for such a rare occasion.”

“You spoil me, Gan…”

As you both idly chatted over delicately prepared meals, you couldn’t help but notice the not-so-subtle glances Ganyu would take toward your lap every now and then. With a half-hearted sigh and a growing smile that betrayed your feigned exasperation, you set down your utensils.

“Okay. Alright.” Ganyu’s eyes sparkled, already knowing you caved. “Just ask what you want.”

“The charm,” she started, eyes intently observing the small charm that dangled securely from your hip. Never one to miss something new about you. The attentiveness from the adeptal blood that flowed within her, presumably. “Where did you get it? Ah! Pardon my prying— I don’t mean to be nosy...”

With delicate fingers, you picked it up, eyes glossing over it. The beat of your heart picked up ever so slightly.

“It was a gift.”

Left next to the vase of glaze lilies, the glint of the charm catching the morning light drew your attention toward it. You delicately picked up the item, tracing the butterfly engraved on the wooden diamond with your fingertip. The piece of amber that dangled from it with an ornate tassel was warm on your palm.

A single note on a small piece of parchment laid next to it.

‘An adepti amulet to stave off evil. Should you need me, call my name.’

“Xiao…” Ganyu started, clasping your hand in hers. “He must truly consider you someone special. It’s not often he gives gifts— despite how surprisingly skilled he is in intricate crafts.”

Warm and fuzzy, your chest pounded with overwhelming emotion. A handmade amulet… It was beautiful in its simplicity, and carried meaning in its subtle details you had yet to decipher. You had to remember to thank him for it later.

“He’s a very gentle person. I’d also… like to get to know him better,” you absentmindedly mused, recalling that mysterious masked boy caught in the thundering rain all those months ago. Though reserved and self-guarded, Xiao was never anything but polite albeit a bit distanced for a while.

It seems they get along well together, Ganyu noted, gaze holding a tender fondness like one would with a sibling. Maybe this was the new walk of life you needed when all other roads were erased.

——

“Can’t I just-”

“No.”

You huffed through your nose, exasperated. “You’re being unfair.” Xiao only raised a brow in response.

“An adeptus prolonging your lifespan would be considered a divine blessing to any other mortal out there,” he countered, pushing you back into bed with a gentle nudge that you didn’t fight back. “Rest.”

Making me go to bed early is some divine blessing... Such sarcasm you would keep between yourself and your thoughts alone.

“Xiao, it’s only nine o’clock! The moon just barely appeared in the sky. And with the Lantern Rite just around the corner, I want to get as much of my part finished.” But your protests fell on deaf ears as he continued to diligently pile on any blankets he could get his hands on. With a defeated sigh, you allowed your body to sink more comfortably into the mattress. “Is something wrong?”

Your voice came quiet, the question lingering with worry as Xiao sat on the edge of the bed— his back facing you. Oftentimes it was still hard to tell what he was thinking, for there was a lot about his past that was unknown to you and it seemed to weigh heavily on his mind recently. He didn’t need to tell you for you to know there were things he wasn’t voicing— not without your encouragement and patient reassurance.

“Can I ask?” Xiao started, his voice rather quiet like he was afraid of overstepping a boundary. “Your nightmares— how often do they haunt you?”

You were taken aback. “A-Ah, you saw…?”

With a silent nod, the bed creaked as he readjusted himself to finally face you. “That night you told me to stay… You looked distressed in your sleep.”

“They only happen sometimes,” you reassured half-heartedly with a dismissive wave of your hand. The subtle, sharpened squint of his eyes told you he saw right through your downplay.

“Lies will do you no good. But in regards to them, I...”

Xiao paused, looking away briefly. The way he avoided your gaze, the jaded look in his amber eyes— there was something he was fighting with himself to say.

“I can get rid of them, if you wish it.”

You blinked, eyes widening slightly in confused curiosity. “You can… do that?”

At this point, you would take any method to end some of your daily exhaustion. But the way his hands balled into fists at his lap suggested he didn’t have a good history with it. Still, he nodded, his eyes closed as he concentrated on grounding himself— convincing himself to tell you. Now that he had propositioned it, there was no turning back. He had to explain it but the memories—the screams— they stopped the words at his throat.

His mind was going a mile a minute in a constant war, the resolve to see through what he had started diminishing. Yet all at once, it stopped and his eyes shifted down to your quiet reassurance— your hand placed atop his fist. He took a steadying breath.

“I’ve eaten dreams before,” Xiao started, eyes closed as he reminisced. “There exist several methods developed over centuries to perform it. Many are painless and safe. A nightmare or a dream—either can be eaten and it would be as if you had no recollection of it afterwards.”

“So… it wipes it from my memory?”

“In a similar concept, yes.”

You nodded slowly, brows scrunched in thought as you processed the idea.

“Do you trust me with doing this, should you have nightmares?”

All it took was a moment. You were quick to melt away his doubts with the warmth that radiated from your softening gaze. And with a gentle squeeze to his hand, you replied.

“I trust you.”

[erosofthepen]

Letters From Amad pt.2

After about five months of not knowing how to continue it, i have finished part 2!! There will be a third part, not nearly as long, and i already have most of it written, so it should be out a lot sooner lol. BUT, i hope you enjoy it, and thanks for putting up with me lol.

-Part 1

-Words: 4,898

-Warnings: blizzard/storm, injury, hypothermia, some swearing

-Tags: @grunid, @elvish-sky, @sassyscribbler, @whore4fictionalhoes11, @smaugs-guardian, @bitter-sweet-farmgirl, @jotink78, @marvel-ous-hobbit, @anjhope1, (if i forgot you, im sorry, i have trouble keeping track sometimes)

It was moments like this that reflected Thorin’s terrible decision making. In actuality, his decision to not put anymore lives at risk was very wise. But still, it was Fili who was out there. And Kili. And since Thorin would not send a search party out, it was time to take matters into your own hands.

First things first, you went back to your chambers and put on your warmest, fluffiest, most wind-resistant coat. Rabbit fur covered the insides (the hides were hunted and tanned by Fili, a courting gift to you), and thick leather made up the outside, keeping the cold out and the warmth in. Next, you pulled on your winter boots (you had actually just had them made last week, and there were three little pockets perfect for concealing knives in), as well as a hat, gloves, and a scarf, all knitted by Ori, his way to show gratitude after your help in the libraries. You then proceeded to gather up some salted meat and cram, walk down to the entrance of the mountain, and enter the stables.

You choose a faithful companion to keep you company, namely, Daisy. The Mare had a thick wooly mane, and an extreme proclivity towards sweets. This was not to be your first venture with the pony, and now you knew better to bring him anywhere within five leagues of a bakery. You had not been amused when he had eaten an entire box of pastries meant for you and the scholars, though Kili and Fili had thought it to be the most hilarious of stories. However, despite his tendency to devour pastries, Daisy was reliable and resilient, and you hardly rode any other steed.

Several stableboys tried to dissuade you from leaving in the storm, but you brushed off their remarks as you tacked up Daisy. Thankfully, they didn’t try to block your path as you left, though they did warn you to be careful. You weren’t too concerned, for the storm had grown tamer in the day, and the frost was not biting your face. Yet, that is.

You reached Dale in about an hour. It took much longer than expected, with Daisy being nearly up to his belly in the fallen snow. Dale was practically devoid of men and women, most of them having the brains to stay inside during the storm. The only exceptions were some watchmen and one or two passersby.

“Oi, it’s a bit too cold for a morning ride lady, have you lost all sense?” A guard asked as you were leaving the gate on the other side of town.

“No my good fellow, I'm just looking for my friends. Have you seen two dwarrow come this way?”

“Can’t say that I have, but Maurice said he saw a pair last night, a few hours before the snow started.”

“Did Maurice mention where they were headed?”

“To the caravan, where else? It’s about fifteen miles from here, I would guess. You’re not considering going out there, are you?”

“I’m afraid that I must. Good day to you sir,”

“And a very cold day to you, lassie. Best of travels.”

“And to you as well.”

You quickly left and mentally cursed yourself for wishing him best of travels in return. He wasn’t traveling, you idiot!

The embarrassment faded as the wind began to pick up. The blizzard was steadily getting thicker, the puffy snowflakes turning more compact and icy. The city of Dale had long disappeared behind you in the snow, and you could only hope you were headed in the right direction.

However adventurous and bold it sounds, riding bare-back on a pony in the middle of a freezing cold snow storm was not at all an easy task. Your scarf had been moved to cover most of your face, and your hood was tied tightly ‘round your head, yet the flakes still stung your flesh. You were definitely starting to rethink your whole “making sure the brothers were alright in a storm idea.” Especially since it was pointless to look for them in between the caravan and Dale, as you couldn’t even see ten feet in front of you. Your goal now was to simply make it to the caravan without frostbite.

Around noon, you tried eating a bit of the bread you had packed, only to find it frozen. As well as the cheese. And the dried meat. It wouldn’t do good to gnaw on it either, as that would just make your innards cold as well, so you just went with your stomach protesting.

It was starting to get quite dark when you finally saw what seemed to be a glow in the distance. As you drew closer, it grew apparent that it was the caravan, and you sighed in great relief.

The dwarrow on watch were very suspicious. Of course, once you explained your purpose, they grew less so.

“I come from Erebor, in search of the Princes. Prince Fili and Kili left last night with the intention to travel here, have they arrived?”

The guards started to look a bit nervous.

“No my lady, no one’s seen anything of them.”

Your heart dropped to your feet.

“Are you sure?”

“Aye, the whole group would have known.”

You might’ve cried, but your eyes felt nearly frozen. You turned your pony, with full intent to head back out into the blizzard and look for your love, when one of the watchdwarrow stopped you.

“You’ll freeze out there my lady, as will your pony. Stay and get warm.”

“Aye lass” another said, “Besides, if the Prince’s are out there, her Lady Dís should be informed.”

Ah, that’s right. Dís.

One of the guards led Daisy off to get warm with other animals, while the other led you to Her Ladyship’s tent. He announced your presence, awaited approval, and then lifted the flap of the tent, beckoning you inside before letting it fall behind you.

Dís was a truly stunning Dwarrow, even for her age, with long black raven hair and a beard to match. Some strands were turning silver, much like Thorin’s, and her blue eyes were more piercing than an orc’s. She looked incredibly confused when you walked into her tent.

“Good Mahal lass, what the hell were you doing out in that storm? You must be senseless.” She said, looking up from a book she had been reading and furrowing her brows.

“I was looking for the Prince’s. I should introduce myself, my name is (Y/N).”

Dís’s eyes widened and she stood, showing off quite an impressive height.

“Why would you be looking for my sons out in this storm, (Y/N)?”

“They… Fili left a note this morning, he and Kili were coming to the caravan to see you. The watchdwarrow said they hadn’t arrived.”

The Dwarrowdams jaw went slack for a moment, and then she cursed, banging her hand on a small table that held a bottle of whiskey.

“Foolish boys! Have they no sense? I was to be seeing them in only a few more days, but they could not wait, could they? Och, the beasts!” Dís continued her rant for a while longer, before she turned her gaze back on you.

“And you journeyed out here in the storm?”

“Aye. I could not rest well knowing that they were out in this foul weather. I will be going to head back out to look for them as soon as I’ve warmed up a bit,” you replied, very conscious of the Mother’s piercing stare. She was quiet, until she breathed a worried sigh.

“It’s no use to search out in this weather, lass. Especially at night. Rest here with me, we’ll go searching first thing on the morrow. I must talk with the guards for now, make yourself comfortable, I will return soon.”

And, just like that, Dís left the tent. Her talk was brief, and left you standing dumb in the center of the tent. For some time, you debated on whether or not to go out searching anyways, but the fire was surely inviting, and something in you knew Dís wouldn’t take kindly to you leaving against her wishes.

Your travel bag, heavy and frozen from being exposed to the elements for so long, left your shoulders as you set it down by the entrance. Next came your gloves, and then the outer coat, snow and ice caked on it making your fingers fumble whilst trying to unbutton it. Eventually, it joined your bag, as well as your boots (if you had thought the coat was difficult to get off, the frozen buckles on your boots were torture). After you had stripped the burdensome clothing off, you simply stood in the center of the room, close to the fire. There were blankets nearby, piled near a bedroll, but you dared not touch them, seeing as they belonged to Dís. It was rather awkward, simply sitting in a stranger's (of sorts) quarters, and weren’t sure what to do.

Your eyes did some exploring for you, falling first on the book that Dís had been reading. ‘The Heart of Hrund’. Huh. You recognized the title, from the Great Library, but you knew very little about it. You’d have to read it now. Your eyes then fell to the whiskey bottle. ‘Breaker’s’. Ah. Memories you shared with Kili at the beginning of the journey returned, however hazed they were due to your drunken state. Strong stuff, Breaker’s was. Bofur managed to get his hands on a few bottles from a merchant, and you and Kili had stolen one from him, much to Thorin’s disappointment and Fili’s annoyance (he was upset to be left out of the fun). Your eyes then drifted to a leather-fitted box, beautiful khuzdul runes and designs etched into it, however, before you could get a closer look, footsteps crunched through the snow outside the tent.

Dís and a young dwarrow entered, carrying stew, bread, and a plethora of blankets and pillows.

“Mahal,” Dís started, placing the tray of food down on the little table and grabbing a quilt from the other dwarrow, “Have you just been sitting here freezing? You could have taken a blanket, you know.” She said, wrapping the quilt around your shoulders and moving you to sit down.

“I, er, I didn't want to be rude.” You replied, now sitting cross-legged on the floor. Dís screwed her face at you.

“Lass, it is never considered rude to take a blanket in the cold. Only exception is if someone is already using it.”

You didn’t reply, feeling very uncomfortable social-wise, despite finally starting to warm up physically. Dís grabbed the rest of the supplies from the other dwarrow and nodded at him to leave. As he left the tent, Dís set the other blankets down and started making a bedspace for you near the fire.

“I can help with that,” you said, starting to get up to help.

“Nonsense lass, you get yourself warm.” Dis stood and grabbed the food tray once more. “However, I do request that you eat.” she set the tray down in front of you, and you thanked her, feeling a bit guilty as you started on the stew.

“Uh, have you eaten yet, My Lady?”

Dís scoffed, resuming her work on your bed roll. “Don’t call me that child, call me Amad. I can hardly stand to be addressed in that way by servants, let alone my sons One. But yes, I’ve had my fill.”

Her words shocked you, having only ever heard Fili refer to you as his One. You hardly expected Dís to accept you as Fili’s lover, let alone his One.

“Alright.” You replied, once more feeling dumb and without anything to contribute. So you sat in silence, trying hard not to slurp and watching Dís make up your bed. Eventually, She moved up and away, surveying her work.

“Thank you, that was very kind.” you said. Dís sighed and nodded, sitting down on the other side of the fire. You were quiet once more, and were now re-considering going out to search for Fili and Kili, if only to avoid the discomfort of the situation.

“I hope you are only not talking because of the storm. I expected a much more chatty lass, if i’m being honest.” Dís remarked, eyeing you carefully.

Panic flashed through your eyes as you tried to think of something to say, but Dís let out a soft chuckle before you could make a fool of yourself.

“I’m only joking, child. You needn't be nervous here. Tell me, how was your journey from the mountain to here?”

“Cold,” You blurted out, shuddering as you imagined the wind biting your face. Dís smiled at your bluntness.

“Indeed, I imagine it would be, especially if you’ve been out all day. Tell me, was there any sign of them as you came over?”

You shook your head. “Unfortunately no, I could hardly see past my nose once the snow grew thicker.”

“I swear, those boys will be the death of me,” she muttered.

“Just be glad you weren’t Thorin trying to deal with all three of us,” you said without thinking. Dís locked eyes with you, and then started chuckling.

“I do not envy him, based on what I've read of you three. It seems that you made it your entire purpose to create trouble for my brother dear.”

“Well, we tried to. For the first half of the journey, at least. He was much more willing to withstand our meddling before we crossed the Misty Mountains. Then came the orcs, and goblins, and Mirkwood, Laketown, the dragon… and the battle too.” Your face had fallen whilst you spoke, and Dis reached out her hand to comfort you.

“You mustn't dwell on the hardships of the past, child. It does nothing but cause trouble for the mind. Believe me, I know.”

At that moment, Dís seemed to age very quickly, and the wisdom and experience that this dwarrowdam had became clearer. You knew her story well-enough, from nights Fili had needed to find comfort in you, telling you about his childhood and family. Dís had wed Víli Heptifilissøn, and twelve years after Kili had been born, he had fallen ill from the Black Lung*, and had spent months growing weaker and weaker until he perished. Fili was able to remember the wretched coughing, and his Adad’s ragged breaths, as clearly as the day it happened. It was the reason he refused to go deep into coal mines, or else made up excuses. If those memories still hung onto Fili, you could only imagine how horrible it must have been for Dís, who had to watch her husband suffer such a death. Looking at her now, you never felt more in awe of a single person.

“You speak truly, my Lady-”

She looked at you sharply, but with a twinkle in her eyes.

“-I mean, Amad.”

That satisfied her, and she relaxed her hand away. “I do indeed, child. Never has a lie crossed my lips. Except when I told Thorin that he had a mighty spider in his beard.” You chuckled at that, but it quickly turned to a yawn. Dís raised a brow.

“It’s time for sleep then,” she commented, “I’ll leave you in peace to finish eating, and then it’s straight to bed.” Dís stood and went back to her chair, and resumed her book, leaving you to scoop that last of the stew in your mouth. It was not long before you were warm and cozy in your makeshift bed, and Dís bid you goodnight before blowing out the lanterns.

You woke to shouting. In your groggy state, you couldn’t make out the words, and you blinked in the dim light of the fire.

“What new madness arises?” You heard Dís murmur, followed by the sounds of her fumbling about. The shouting grew nearer. “Are you awake, (Y/N)?”

“Only partly,” you replied, trying to untangle the covers from your legs. You shuddered as the extra warmth left, but hurried to your feet, only stumbling slightly. The noise was becoming considerably louder, and your ears could start to make out the words being yelled.

“Get a healer, lads!”

“He looks frozen stiff!”

“SHOVE OFF! WHERE IS AMAD?” Kili’s furious shout snapped you into alertness. At that moment, Dís was able to find a lantern, and finally the tent’s interior was more visible. The flap in front of the tent lifted, and Kili stumbled in, hair frozen with bits of ice and face bright red. With horror, you realized he was supporting another dwarf who was barely conscious. Fili.

You jumped to your feet and rushed towards your betrothed, supporting his other side and lifting his head. Fili’s lips were tinged blue, and his teeth were chattering bitterly, clacking together in a terrible rhythm. Dís was there not a second after you, and she helped guide you all to lay Fili down in the space you had slept just moments before.

“Strip him down,” Dís commanded, starting to work on his boots. You followed her orders without hesitation, helping Kili with Fee’s coat. It didn’t take too long for the three of you to undress him to his underclothes, and you winced when you saw his shoulder looked… definitely not normal. Dís pressed on it gently, and Fili made a weak groan that twisted at your heart.

“He fell off his pony,” Kili said.

“Of course he did. Kili, fetch a healer.” The younger prince sprang up, filled with energy even after being out in a blizzard for nearly an entire day. But he was hardly at the entrance when a grizzled old dwarrow entered, a satchel in hand and a hard look set in his features.

‘‘Hanarr,” Dís welcomed, nodding her head. The old dwarf grunted in acknowledgement before kneeling down by Fili’s shoulder, feeling along the bone. He grunted once more, before looking up at Kili.

“Hold down right here lad,” Hanarr instructed, moving Kili’s hands to rest on Fili’s other shoulder and chest. “Right, hold it firm.”

Hanarr outstretched Fili’s other arm, and began to move it towards his head. A click sounded, and Fili called out, however weakly. His shoulder looked back to normal again, and Hanarr quickly folded his arm against his chest, before searching through his medical pack and pulling out a sling.

“Sit him up, lad.” the healer instructed Kili. He propped Fili up against his side, and this time, Fili held his own head up, his gaze landing on you. Confusion flitted across his nearly-frostbitten features, and he mumbled your name despite of his state.

But Hanarr was upon him again, and soon the sling was fastened to his arm, and the Healer was moving his legs so that they were tucked against his chest. He addressed Kili once more, “Get rid of yer tunic, and stay close to yer brother” and then turned towards you, “do the same, but mind his shoulder lassie.” Without hesitation, you followed his command and soon Fili was sandwiched between yourself and Kili. Dís (with the permission of Hanarr), wrapped several blankets around the three of you, and soon set to work on making some tea. Hanarr presented her with a root of ginger, and, after seeing that all that could be done was done, decided to take his leave.

“He should be fine in a few hours, I'll come back to check on him soon. Keep him awake.” were his final words before departing.

The silence that followed his departure was intense, interrupted only by the sound of the fire, the kettle, and a knife. Dís was the first to speak.

“I would have your hides, if I was not so glad to see you again.” She said in a low voice as she shredded the ginger.

“I’m sorry Amad,” Kili said, eyeing the movement of his Amad’s knife, “Patience has never been my strong suit.”  Beside you, Fili shifted and rested his forehead against your temple.

“Indeed not,” Dís replied, her voice heating like the water she was boiling, “How did you convince your brother to join you in this endeavor?” Fili moved again, this time nuzzling his face into your neck and hair, his nose startlingly cold.

“Who said it was my idea?” Kili argued. However, Dís turned her glare on him, and He flushed and murmured, “he wanted to see you too, it didn’t take much to convince him.”

“(Y/N)” Fili said, drawing the attention away from arguing. “ ‘m tired.” He let his head rest heavy against your shoulder, and you (reluctantly) moved him away.

“You must wait to sleep, Kidhuzel,” You said, bringing your hand up to brush his hair away from his face. He opened his eyes wider, in sheer betrayal. You could have smiled, knowing Fili’s tendency to become unreasonably cross when denied sleep, but instead you kissed his cheek.

“Your Amad is making tea for you, and when you drink it, you’ll warm right up.” The blond prince’s eyes dropped once more and he tried moving back to the crook of your neck, only to be refused a second time.

“ I’d prefer Ale,” He muttered bitterly. At this, you did allow yourself to smile.

“Not a chance. Your heart might stop.” He grumbled and detached his uninjured arm from Kili, taking your hand and squeezing it with what feeble strength that had returned to his veins.

“It won’ stop as long as you’re ‘ere.”

Kili snorted, but was silenced as Dís sent him another glare, and you laughed softly, shaking your head and squeezing his hand back.

“If it worked that way, then I would gladly give you the finest Ale, however, I do believe tea would be a better option.”

When the tea was ready, you helped Fili to drink it. At first, the prince had winced at the heat, but soon he drank it gladly, becoming more alive with each sip. You sensed Dís watching you and Fili carefully, but brushed it off, telling yourself she was only concerned for Fili, not observing how you interacted. A small part of you that wouldn’t be silenced said it was both. Soon the mug was empty, and it had apparently helped Fili along much more than you anticipated, and soon he had detached himself completely from his brother and was pulling you closer.

“Careful of your shoulder,” you reminded him.

“ ‘s fine.” He replied, pressing flush against you. His skin had already warmed, thus proving the hardiness and hot blood of dwarrow. Kili scooted away, seeing that he was no longer needed, readjusted the furs covering yourself and his brother, and pulled his tunic back on. Dís immediately walked over and threw another fur across his shoulders, and pulled him into a tight hug, which he returned just as tightly. You averted your eyes when Kili started to sniff and tremble.

“I missed you,” he said.

“And I as well, inùdoy” Mother and son stayed in once another’s embrace, until she drew away and made him drink his fill of ginger tea as well.

A half hour later, you were struggling to keep Fili’s eyes open, and Kili had already crashed on Dís’s bedroll. The dwarrowdam herself grew impatient for Hanarr’s return, and had gone out searching for him. She reentered the tent with him not ten minutes later, and Hanarr (as grumpy and irritable as he was, he was an excellent healer), inspected Fili. Truly, your prince was proof that dwarves were nothing more than portable furnaces, and his temperature was more or less back to normal. He still was a bit out of it, but it was nothing a good night’s sleep wouldn’t fix. Soon Hanarr declared that it was safe for Fili to sleep, and almost immediately, the blond sank into your bedroll and began to snore.

Diís left after Hanarr, telling you to rest and call her if need be. You didn’t question where she was going, and she did not share it with you.

However tired and exhausted you were, sleep would not come. You sat in front of the fire for hours, feeding it and stoking it, keeping your mind entertained with the images dancing in the flames.

You had just finished adding another log to the fire, when a hand lightly gripped your wrist.

“Ghivashel” Fili said faintly. Your head turned towards him, and you smiled despite all things; for while Fili’s face was still red, his hair undone, and his eyes bleary, he was alive and conscious.

“Khuzd allakhul” you scolded, bending down to lean your forehead against his, “What sort of prince are you, to go out in the snow and frighten your lover?” You kissed his lips softly before drawing away just enough to wait for his answer.

“A very foolish prince indeed,” He murmured, his hand on your wrist pulling you back towards him. “But what sort of lover are you, to worry so greatly and come after me in the snow?”

“A very devoted lover, who has half a mind to leave now that you’ve insulted my care of you.” Fili’s eyes widened and he summoned his strength to pull you down, nestled in his side.

“Forgive me, I was not thinking of insulting you, amrâlimê. I just don’t want to see you suffer for my sake. Menu Tessu.” He said, turning his head to press a kiss to your temple. The beads on his mustache braids still felt frozen, but his lips were warm. You smiled and took his hand, entwining your fingers together.

“All is forgiven. So long as you won’t do anything as stupid as that ever again.” you replied. Fili sighed and kissed the side of your mouth.

“I shall try my very hardest not to.”

“That isn’t very reassuring.”

“Then you must forgive me once more, for I cannot make such bold promises whilst Kili remains my brother.”

You both chuckled at this, before settling into comfortable silence. Slowly, your eyes began to drop, the crackling of the fire and the steady rhythm of Fili’s breath making it harder and harder to evade sleep. The fact that the lion prince had begun to rub circles into your shoulder with his thumb wasn’t helping. After the third time you startled yourself awake, Fili’s voice was near your ear.

“You can sleep now, Amralime. I won’t be going anywhere.”

His words were nothing short of a spell, and in less than a minute, your eyes closed and sleep overtook you, a comforting, dreamless sleep, the best kind.

When next you woke, indeed, Fili was still right next to you, awake, but only just. He was blinking the sleep away, and you suspected that his movements had been what had woken yourself. Cold winter light was shining through the tent flaps, cutting like a blade through the warm glow that filled the inside, and a conversation was taking place.

“We left in the wee hours, m’lady, just before dawn. You can imagine the state Thorin was in when he heard that the entire future of Erebor was out in the snow.” The voice of Dwalin more than successfully brought you to awakeness, and you sat up, looking around for the source of his voice.

“Indeed, I imagine he would be weathering the floors with pacing. I expect we’ll be leaving soon, no?” Now Dís spoke, and by this point, you and Fili had turned behind you to see the pair talking over mugs of mulled wine. Kili was also there, however, he was still dreaming on Dís’s previous sleeping roll, limbs sprawled out wide and mouth hung open almost comically.

“Aye, as soon as these three are dressed and ready.” Dwalin said, turning his gaze onto you and Fili, brow raised and the slightest of smiles on his warrior face. “What a lot of worry you and your brother had us in,” he continued, addressing Fili specifically, “I swear to Mahal, you’ve no idea what sort of panic you caused. Course, when yeh come back with your shoulder like that, everyone’ll be doting on yeh. ‘The poor heir who got caught in a blizzard trying to see his Amad’, not ‘the fucking idiot who didn’t have any patience and went out in the night despite knowing there was a storm brewin’.” But all while saying this, there was humor and relief in the warrior's voice, betraying how glad he felt that the boys were not frozen under three feet of ice and snow.

“Both versions are correct,” Fili pointed out, his voice still croaky from sleep.

“Aye, but only the first version will get told.” Dwalin replied, to which you laughed. He turned his focus to you now. “Don’t think you’re innocent lass, Thorin nearly had a heart-attack when we couldn’t find you. Both the heirs missin’ was bad enough, but the lady who’ll be adding to the heirs disappearing made it all worse.”

“Och, Dwalin, she had a noble cause to come out in the snow, you needn’t blame her for anything.” Dís said, coming to your aid.

“Was our cause not noble and justified?” Kili’s voice piped up. The Prince's eyes were hardly opened, but he was more than ready to defend himself from accusations.

“Not when you were to be seeing me in less than a week. If I was able to refrain myself from going out into a blizzard in the late hours, you should have been able to as well.” Dís retorted. A sour expression crossed Kili’s face, but he dared not argue with his Amad.

“Right then,” Dwalin said, “Get yourselves up an’ ready, we’ve not much daylight left to get back to Erebor.”

*Black Lung: Coal miner’s pneumonia. 

Kidhuzel: Gold of Gold

Inùdoy: Son

Ghivashel: Treasure of Treasures

Khuzd allakhul: Stupid Dwarf

Menu Tessu: You mean everything to me

(part three will be out soon)