#i drew him several times but could never get him right omfg but i actually did it well this time 😭

[rainy-artworks]

A lil drawing of Zayne with my crosshatching style ❄️☃️

[fanfoolishness]

Steven Universe: Future thoughts

Spoilers for the first four episodes below the jump!  All sorts of rambling ahead!  Please message me or reblog to share your thoughts, I wanna talk about it all!

I’ll try to organize things by episode.  I won’t be able to rewatch them until they go up on Apple TV so this is all off the cuff.  AHOY!

1x01 Little Homeschool

Steven has White, Blue and Yellow essences in his bathroom cupboard.  Maybe keep a bottle of your own spit just to be safe?  You never know? 

Aww Cherry Quartz is cute.  Did she actually get named? I assume that’s who that is.

I had thought that shot in the trailer was going to be Pink Smoky Quartz.   I was wrong, but then we DO get Pink Smoky Quartz next episode ahhhh!

We all know Steven drew that picture of himself and the Diamonds on the brochure.  

I like to think that Steven keeps up with his drawing during quiet times, and while he isn’t technically great, most 16-year-old artists aren’t great per se.  What’s important is that he keeps doing it and he’ll keep getting better!

Little Homeschool looks awesome and I want to go make some morps with Vidalia.  Wait, were Lapis and Peridot there? I don’t remember.  They should be!

I’m so glad Jasper isn’t the big bad!!! And I love that she’s just antisocial but not actively harming anyone (beetles and grass aside).  

Still no explanation for the blanket, I love it

STEVEN GO OFF, YOU TELL HER NOT TO HURT THAT BEETLE

Whoa Steven, that rage is juuuuust below the surface these days, isn’t it?  I get being annoyed at Jasper and I’m sure this isn’t the first time they’ve had this discussion but he really does just go off on her pretty damn quickly, and several times.

I am concerned that he referenced her corrupting herself.  I DON’T WANT CORRUPTED STEVEN Y’ALL, this better not be foreshadowing!!!!!

Honestly Jasper just needs to get into wrestling, I’m shocked Amethyst and Steven haven’t pointed this out to her

I’m dying at her attacking all the Earthlings in her little radius

Awww Steven, at first he’s really intrigued by Diamond Mode and wants to learn how to use it better.  So optimistic!

Except you totally killed about 10 conifers and only healed one, so way to hurt the forest dude

Am I the only one wondering how conflicted Dr. Maheswaren must feel, knowing Steven can heal all this crazy shit and that a) she’s toiling at doing it the old-fashioned way, b) he could really help her patients, and c) he isn’t?

Looking forward to seeing Steven and Jasper talk again, but I really hope it’s not because Steven’s been corrupted and is trying to get over it.  Urrrgh no ;_;

I do want to see if she has tips for how to control anger.  Or how to use it and learn from it.  But I’m not sure she knows either.

Steven is a shark.  Because if he’s not swimming, he’s sinking.  And swimming to him is helping people.  If he can’t do that, if he can’t do what he’s supposed to do in his mind, what is he doing?  He’s gonna sink this season and it’s gonna be FUCKING SPECTACULAR.

1x02 Guidance

Amethyst is so proud of herself!  It’s awesome!

Steven is clearly a little uncomfortable that he didn’t come up with the idea, isn’t he?  He also has a hard time figuring out that there are ways to use what you’re made for instead of having to run from it.  Of course, that isn’t true for everyone.  Little Larimar did love screams and children more than ice.  The best lesson is that people are different, some are comfortable working in a certain zone whereas others need to struggle past it to feel complete.

Amethyst was sitting in front of the Teens of Rage video game.  I FEEL THIS WILL BE SIGNIFICANT Y’ALL.

I’m just so glad Mr. Smiley finally isn’t understaffed. He could take a day off and go visit Mr. Frowny!

Uncle Andy is back!  Yay!  And he’s getting involved with Beach City in general, I’m really happy to see him putting down some roots.

Smoky Quartz is back!

PINK SMOKY HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THEM GO

Love love love the pink/purple asides for the Steven and Amethyst debate while being Smoky Quartz

TIME SLOWING/SUPER SPEED POWERS??? I WAS NOT PREPARED

The roller coaster exploded IN THE OCEAN I can’t EVEN

So far both Steven and Amethyst are intrigued and impressed by Diamond Mode, and sure, it seems harmless now... 

Steven is worried he’s losing his touch helping people.  That makes me worried that that’s part of a bigger feeling, not just this particular snafu.

Amethyst being so direct is often the one who gets closest to Steven talking about his feelings.  He started to go there, but then Little Larimar showed up again with their terrifying talk about screams....

1x03 Rose Buds

I’m really glad Greg and the Gems aren’t giving Steven shit about not wanting Rose to be looming over him in portrait form.  Now if y’all will also TALK to Steven about how he feels about it... but at least they’re okay with him removing the portrait.

HOOOOOOLY SHIT Y’ALL

I’m so happy J-10 and Y-6 are back!

OMFG they are NOT over Greg and it’s amazing

GAH-REG HOW COULD YOU

I’m glad the Zoomans are in control of their own destiny and able to go where they wish!  

no no no no no no no no no no we all know what’s coming here

Coming face to face with Rose Quartzes = instant KO for one Steven Universe

I almost had a panic attack with him as the Roses clustered around him and the music got tenser and tenser and the camera zoomed in on his face and that was fucking INTENSE PEOPLE

Greg seeing the Roses and just noping the fuck outta there, amazing, everyone in this family is so repressed

Poor Garnet and Pearl hiding in the bathroom

“Yeah, it’s weird”

Poor Rose Quartz-who-most-looks-like-our-Rose-Quartz, it’s clear she is much more emotionally in tune than the other two (due to her belly gem placement?)

STEVEN GOT NEW PAJAMAS

but let him sleep shirtless you cowards!

Also he just looked... so GROWNUP in that scene by the warp pad?  His proportions were just no longer little kidlike?  And he is still cutely beefy but not really little-kid chubby anymore and teen me would have had it BAD for him at this point, I’m just sayin’

Steven is S O O O O   S T R E S S E D   R I G H T   N O W

he’s eating his fucking blanket in an attempt to not talk about his problems I CAN’T

also HAVE WE NOTICED that Steven will eventually end up telling strangers at least some of what’s bothering him, but never the people who actually love and care about him

this episode was so damn tense it is masterful

I’m glad they managed to talk things out a little

but clearly Steven is still, as always, just scratching the surface, this poor kid just needs to GO OFF.

did he go pink in this one from stress for a second?  Or was that the next one? 

1x04 Volleyball

You cannot tell me that that white coat is not a hand-me-down from Dr. Maheswaren, it is CANON IN MY MIND

also damn how many Gems are cracking themselves right and left that this needs to happen regularly?

seriously though Steven, you might just want to get a spittoon and start sending one to every hospital ever, you would undo A LOT of human suffering....

Steven honey I’m so sorry your mom did you so wrong and I’m so sorry you’re so scared of everything to do with her and NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT OKAY

but maybe also you need to learn how to face some of this stuff so it doesn’t scare you so badly

Poor Pink Pearl!

Volleyball? Seriously Steven? so insensitive how do you know Pink didn’t throw a volleyball at her head

Poor Pearl and Volleyball feeling so jealous about each other

Volleyball is 8000 years old??  damn how old was Pink?

oooooooh the Reef!  so cool and mysterious!  Look at all those Pearl possibilities!

So Pink damaged her Pearl, and she sent her to the Reef for repair.  They fixed her gem, but when she reformed, the trauma was still so severe that she reformed with the crack.  Oh man :(

Now again I don’t want Corrupted Steven but you could probably wrangle that into support for the theory.

I prefer to think that Steven will do something different than straight-up Corruption to himself, but we could see something like the crack form instead of Corruption.

Willing himself into a monster form only works if he thinks of himself completely as a monster.  Right now he thinks Pink is the monster, and he thinks, finally, that he isn’t Pink.  So either he’d have to really hurt somebody and then view himself as a monster, or, my preference, he would develop something like a scar or pink eyes or stay pink all the time or something until he’s figured out his issues.

I JUST DON’T WANT HIM TO HAVE HORNS, YOU GUYS.

Pearl WAS protecting Volleyball from Steven oh NOOOOO

STEVEN SONIC SCREAM

So we’ve got Diamond Mode Strength, Super Speed, and Sonic Scream, man oh man oh man

this finally makes sense because all the other Diamonds have such well-developed offensive powers

Pink must have been like “no those are dangerous I don’t want them, what else can I do” and developed her healing powers secretly

I always wondered why the Diamonds never recognized Rose Quartz’s healing tears or shield as belonging to Pink

And it must be that she never showed it to them

They maybe only knew about her offensive powers

MEGA PEARL IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND WISE AND HER RIBBON DANCING IS SO MAGNIFICENT AND I LOVE THEM JUST TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER YOU TWO

I can’t believe we got a new fusion so quickly!!!!

Fuck that bitch Shell amirite

look, someone help Steven.

Please help Steven.

HELP. STEVEN.

No new trailer for next week???? COWARDS

omg someone please please scream about all this with me

[ladyscribbles]

The Secret

(bold, italic = email; italic = inner thoughts/flashbacks)

Hey, can you keep a secret? 

I grinned slightly, wondering just what juicy secret this random lady from the internet was going to share with me. Hopefully, it was some kind of declaration of love for my brother, the actual owner of this computer that I was currently hijacking, which I could later embarrass him with. 

Yeah, I typed. So what is it?

Her responses shot out like bullets, each one only a few seconds apart. Somehow, I knew her fingers were flying across the keys with almost lightning speed. Maybe she was going as fast as lightning. Maybe she’d become an entire storm. 

He got paint into my hair. It was red. I remember that. I was mad at him for a little bit, but I couldn’t stay mad for long. At least, that’s how I remember it. Who knows? Maybe he turned me into a fiery redhead for the whole day. 

I’d shoot hoops at recess, and he’d wait under the basket and return them for me. 

His nose always bled at recess. I always wondered about that, but I never asked. It was something normal for him. 

He always sat at lunch with me. Even when Jerri Parkson wouldn’t. 

We used to be next-door neighbors. Back in second grade, I think. We used to blow bubbles and eat popsicles. It kind of sucked because I’d always end up getting a bubble or two on my popsicle. The taste of bubbles. I used to hate it. But I don’t now. 

I stared at the computer screen. Holy shit. 

She remembered too? 

“Bill!” she screeched after I accidently dumped a few droplets of red paint into her hair. She whirled around to face me, her face beet red and her nose scrunched up in anger. A few seconds passed, before the mad scowl disappeared, and she turned back to her artwork. “You’re lucky I’m not an angry kind of person,” she said, but I knew she was grinning. 

Sometimes, I laid awake at night, thinking about nothing but that grin. 

“Darn it!” she cried as she missed yet another shot. 

I tried not to smile as I tossed her back the ball, but I must have failed because she scrunched up her nose at me. “What?” I asked innocently. 

She only stuck her tongue out at me. 

I wondered if she continued to shoot hoops without me. Somehow, the thought made me green with envy. 

I clutched a tissue to my nose, as red was starting to spread. Why does it always have to happen at recess, where everyone can see? 

“You okay?” she asked as she approached me from behind. 

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

“Alright.”

I never did tell her the reason why I had so many nosebleeds, did I? 

I saw her let out a big huff before sitting down, her eyes focused on something. I followed her gaze and saw Jerri had sat down at another table. I took my place beside her, and she munched angrily on an apple. She didn’t say anything. She almost never did. 

I didn’t either. I figured I didn’t need to tell her I wouldn’t ever leave her. 

It was a good thing I didn’t, in the end. Considering I did end up leaving her. 

We sat on the porch. She was sitting on the porch, sucking on her popsicle. Every now and then, she made a face, which I’m sure mirrored my own. I swung my legs back and forth. 

“I used to not like summer very much,” she said after a few minutes. 

“Why?” 

“I usually don’t get to see my friends 'till school starts again.”

“You live in town, don’t you?”

“Outside. In the middle of nowhere. Well, down a lane with some other houses. But none of them have kids. Well, one of them does, but I don’t know her. And Mom didn’t always live here.”

“Yeah, but that’s not true anymore. Now, you live right next to me.”

“I hope we’ll always stay neighbors. I like having my friend for a neighbor.”

That was so long ago. I remembered thinking way back when if I’d ever taste bubbles again. So far, I haven’t. 

I wished I could remember more, but there were only a few memories, and even those were hazy. 

There was another ding from the computer, and I realized she was messaging my brother again. Probably had to take a break, and now she was ready to fire bullets again.

I can’t remember all the memories we shared together, not like I used to. I still think about him, though. 

Nine years later. God. 

I thought I’d forgotten about him. Moved on. 

But then I saw him when I was in sixth grade at my grandma’s church. We barely talked though. 

“Hey, Bill,” a familiar voice greeted from behind me. 

I turned, and like a dream, there she was. Her eyes were cast down, not necessarily on the floor, but just away from my eyes. I’m sure mine were too. I said hi, too, but that was it, I think. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, other than the obvious, “I really really miss you and I hope we see each other again - and oh, by the way I’m secretly in love with you”. Well, there was, but there was no way I could get the guts up to say it. 

But then I thought about him again after me and Austin broke up. Austin was my first and only boyfriend. 

A spike of jealousy rose up within me, and I had to suppress it to avoid smashing my fist through the computer. After the envy drained away, I was left with a deep sorrow. 

Maybe if he’d stayed, we would’ve dated too. 

Maybe I’d taste bubbles again. 

The sweet taste of bubbles...

I drew his name on Notability several times. Over and over. I said I loved him several times. 

I was just sitting on the couch with a pen and paper when my hand started moving on its own. I wasn’t paying much attention and was just zoned out. But when I returned to reality, I realized I’d written her name over and over again. 

Before he left, I asked Jerri Parkson if she was dating him. She said no. I could’ve asked him. But I didn’t. I wish I did, though. 

Wait, what? I reread the message, disbelieving. She’d wanted to ask me? 

“Hey, Alexander, you’re not, uh, dating anybody, are you?” I asked him in the most discreet manner I could manage, which wasn’t much. “Like, um, Sandra?” 

“No,” he replied with a confused look. 

“Okay.”

I could’ve asked her. But I didn’t. 

I wish I did, though. 

Damn, I wish he was here. 

I think I still love him after all this time. 

I was just doodling in my notepad, and after a while, my randomized faces began to morph into a specific one. “It’s been nine years, but I think the feelings never went away,” I said softly. 

Billie Jean. You know, after that MJ song. 

“Hey, Billie Jean!” she called from the top of the bridge before throwing a ball at me. I threw my arms up and somehow managed to catch it. “You turd!” she cried. 

“Don’t call me Billie Jean, then!” I cried back. 

But to be honest, I actually liked it. Mainly because it’d come from her. 

I used to call him that. Sometimes, I say that aloud and wish it could just bring him here. That’s stupid, huh? 

No, not stupid at all. Hell, I’d wish for the same thing. In fact, I think I have. 

I want the taste of bubbles back. 

I want him. 

I want him back. 

I want to be his friend again. 

I want our friendship back. 

I want Billie Jean. 

I want Bill Gayce. 

I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and I wiped it away. Two came in its place, though, and soon, my face was flooded. I sniffed and wiped them all away once they stopped coming. 

My fingers hovered over the keyboard. I want Sandra Lawrence. I had typed the sentence and was about to send it, but I hesitated. I ended up deleting it. I’m Bill Gayce. Delete. 

I sighed in frustration and ran my fingers through my hair. “Damn it, I’m hopeless,” I muttered. 

I’m sorry for loading all this onto you. I just needed to tell somebody. I needed to tell somebody other than me about my feelings. About how I’m hopelessly pining after a boy I haven’t seen in nine years even though it’s stupid. 

It’s not stupid, I typed. I hit send before I could even think twice about it. 

A few moments passed. Then she came back with, Thanks. You’re a cool guy...uh, can I have your name? You know, other than RandomBoiii01?

Bill, I typed and sent without thinking. The bubble that indicated she was in the middle of typing popped up. Billie Jean, I quickly typed. 

The bubble immediately disappeared. It stayed like that for a few minutes. Then, You’re a jackass. This isn’t funny. 

Sandy Cheeks, I then sent.

“What are you doing?” Sandra asked as she peered over my shoulder. I was sitting on the bleachers while everyone else was on the gymnasium floor, playing in one form or another. 

“Drawing,” I replied. 

“Drawing what? I can’t tell.”

“Your sandy cheeks.”

She punched me in the arm. “I’ll kick your butt, Billie Jean!” 

“And I’ll kick yours, Sandy Cheeks!” Another punch. This one actually hurt a little. “Ow!” 

“You know you shouldn’t insult someone with a softball arm,” Sandra said haughtily. 

I only smiled, deciding to let her have this one. Besides, I didn’t want to end up telling her that I had actually been drawing our two heads together. 

You’re shitting me. 

No, you’re the one shitting. Out of your sandy cheeks, I replied with a small grin.

You’re lucky I’m not beside you. Otherwise, I’d punch you with my softball arm. A few moments passed. So, we’ve been talking this whole time? 

No, I replied. This is my brother’s computer. I hijacked it a few minutes ago. 

So...you saw what I said. 

Yeah. 

God. This is so freakin’ embarrassing. 

Um...Sandra...can you keep a secret?

Secret? Yeah, I guess. What is it? 

I have a crush on someone. For a long time now. I don’t want anyone to know about it. Only you. 

A few minutes passed. I thought perhaps that she had secretly gone as green with jealousy as I had when I’d heard about her first boyfriend. I was about to tell her just who it was, when she finally responded. 

I won’t tell. 

You swear it? 

OMFG, I’m going to take a plane to Idaho and punch you in the freakin’ face if you don’t just tell me already!!!

Her name’s Sandra Lawrence. 

What? 

She’s also known as Sandy Cheeks. 

Suddenly, my brother’s phone started ringing. I picked it up and saw Sandra was trying to facetime me. Huh. I guess she and my bro swapped numbers. I swiped and I found myself staring at a nineteen-year-old version of the Sandra I’d known. Her hair had turned from dark blonde to brown. Her sapphire eyes were still as sparkling blue as ever, and they were widened now. 

“Oh, wow, you got real hot.” 

Her face then turned beet red, and she started stammering. Whatever I was going to say went out of mind as I entered a trance-like state where all I could focus on was how cute and endearing her continuous stammering was to me. 

She finally stopped talking, took a deep breath, and said in a calm voice, ��Did you…” Her brows knit together as she hesitated, letting her sentence trail a bit before continuing. “Did you mean...what you said?”

“Did you?” 

Sandra scrunched her nose up at me. “Hey, I asked you first, Billie Jean!” She then started laughing softly, running her hand through her hair. “Wow,” she muttered. “How the hell does something like this happen? You don’t see a friend for nine years, and then you see him again and act like nothing changed. How the hell is that possible?”

I shrugged. Then a thought occurred to me, and I replied, “I guess it’s as possible as liking the taste of bubbles.” 

Sandra grinned slightly, a little bit of color flooding into her cheeks. “You know, I think you might be right.”

“Anyway, will you keep it?” I asked. 

“Keep what?”

“My secret. Can you keep my secret?”

She blinked a few times in confusion before the realization dawned on her. Sandy Cheeks then grinned. “Sure will, Billie Jean.”