#i drafted the ramblings the other night while im about to pass out ; no im not rereading and proofreading that

[einsatzzz]

Homicipher ft. Ryuuka rough drawings...plus some ramblings below! (there will be spoilers from the game btw)

I've always loved otome games but I didn't expect to like this game this much when I first watched a playthrough of it. Like, I didn't even know it was an otome game when I clicked on the video to watch it! I thought it's a normal horror vn game djdhdjvdjd

Anyway, I'm lowkey obsessed with these freaks. I especially like the four characters above so far. And I didn't get to draw them here but I like Mr. Chopped, Bride, Mr. Gap and Mr. Machete too! Also, this might already be expected of me, but I love the MC(Adami) too, they're so interesting!

Since I ended up liking it a lot and I also needed to get these wiggles off my brain, I ended up cooking some not-so-serious AU where Ryuuka gets isekai'd to their monster world. I chose Ryuuka because I know she would thrive there (she has quite the homicidal/murderous tendencies/urges, only kept at bay by her pursuit of knowledge + following her twin's moral compass) and can be a freak like Adami too fkhfmdbdnd so I thought it'd be interesting to yeet her in there!

I can imagine she's initially wearing her standard outfit at first (labcoat + black turtleneck dress), but at some point, it would be replaced by the raincoat since the labcoat would be soaked with too much blood (shoutout to Bride for the raincoat supplies). She's still wearing the turtleneck dress underneath because I don't think she'll fall in the water with those hand monsters, so she won't need a change of clothes for that one.

In terms of language learning, she's a pretty smart cookie, so she'll figure it out quite fast. So there's no problem there.

As for how the whole deal with Mr. Scarletella happened: I can imagine that since Ryuuka is a yakuza boss/assassin, she ends up dumping dead bodies of her victims in this strange but convenient building. Because somehow, the bodies dumped there are never found, which is a win for her. But then it turns out that that place is Mr. Scarletella's teritorry 😭😭 and he thought that those dead bodies that Ryuuka has been dumping to his place were offerings for him ("F-for me?! 🥺✨❤️" type of bs). That's why he ends up obsessed with her like in the og, so now he's chasing her down to get her name...👁️👄👁️ (deja vu...ive been in this place before...i can make a 🐥🍎 au out of this---)

Also another thing I wanna mention is that I firmly believe that Mr. Silvair and her would get along as both people of "science" dmbdmdbdnd but I must admit I need to re-watch and analyze his route and endings more, since I feel I'm still missing a few things abt him.

For Mr. Hood, I think she appreciates him teaching her about the language and him carrying her around when she does accidentally gets chibi-fied. In general, she appreciates people who are patient with her and people who knows when to stay quiet. The same would apply for Mr. Crawling though he's a bit on the chatty side. Ultimately, she also doesn't mind having a puppy-like character like him following her around.

My brain is starting to die again ughudhsjshhughhhhhh that's all for now!

[tpup]

Hey I hope that you are doing okay. That anon being an utter dickbag needs to just get a hobby that isn't bullying people. I hope that you are doing okay today. And hmm do you like cats?

sorry I answered all those asks, I hate seeing stuff like that on my dash I am just Worried im gonna get cyber stalked or some shit if I ignored them

Rambling because that's where my brain is rn

ahhh. sleepy day. saw my partner last night which was really nice and sweet, she needed a winter coat so we went thrifting & then went to an art thing together. it was super cold. talked and kissed and fucked in my car on a dark street. she's so sweet & it's wild that I'm dating at all considering how unwell I've been but she has been such an amazing part of my life since I met her.. I'm glad she has a spouse and a home and solid job and is financially okay. She's such a rock and so good to me and I don't have to worry about things with her. She is so understanding and proactively sweet and accommodating with my disability, it makes me cry whenever I think of it, I've never been shown that care in my life. My ex was so frustrated with my limitations and it's been incredibly healing for my self worth to see people can enjoy being with me even if I am so disabled.

I didn't know non monogamy would be something I like but the security in it is beautiful. Like, someone I love has multiple people who deeply love her and can be there for her in so many ways... there's less pressure to be each other's everything, so we can just enjoy each other in the ways we like to and lean on each other knowing it's not just two logs holding each other up but that there's a whole house. It's new to me.

I think I was up past 5 for some reason, im staying on a couch and the room is chilly anddd I have insomnia so it's always hard to sleep at night. Dragged my butt outside to move my car to avoid a parking ticket; have to move it pretty frequently which is rough. Actually bought a cane recently to make it a lil easier, bc mobility is super difficult but I can't afford to pay tickets just bc I .. can't move lol. moved car, came back inside, wanted to maybe go to the leather workshop to work on things I've been wanting to do for months but like most days I ended up passing out despite myself (while trying to respond to asks actually :P just fading out over and over, seeing my phone open to a half typed response, brain not retaining shit. I can't tell ya how many drafts I have- it's hard for me to get through any longer things without passing out at some point! It's so hard to get shit done. This is why I rarely get back to messages btw- I want to put proper brain power into conversations but I so so rarely have it, and also feel bad sending a message when I might have energy for one but know I'll be out afterwards. Not sure how to deal w it, just hoping I can get seen by a good neurologist soon who can help me with wtv tf is going on. Might be narcolepsy that's much worse than usual bc of stress and malnourishment and such!)

Woken up gently by friend, I was having nightmares. She's stressed out about personal stuff and has been really busy. One of the times I feel like I'm not a waste of space is when I get to help her destress.. just cuddle and pet her and massage the knots out of her back while she puts something calming on tv. Sometimes she'll talk about things and she seems to find what I say helpful. Sometimes we'll fuck til she's able to break out of ruminating on things & then she goes to sleep w her spouse. I like being a destress puppy. I wish I could do more to help out, I'm so used to earning my keep and showing gratitude by housekeeping or running errands, but I'm just at risk of fainting if I try that most of the time anymore. It sucks. It's hard accepting help and care when I can't reciprocate. I just exist and hope I'll be healthier and able to help others in the future.

-

I do like cats; the ones I grew up with were all feral ones my parents half took in so I'm used to being very wary of them lol. My favorite cat was okay with being pet a bit sometimes but mostly was a buddy who would go on hikes with me. Miss her a lot. I'd be out in the woods and she would just show up and walk with me for a while before vanishing again.

One of my favorite parts of couch surfing has been all the cats I get to meet... the people Im staying with now have some and they're so funny. Some cats are kinda yucky tbh I'm a bit of a germaphobe so idk if I could own my own cat or pet, but it's nice being able to watch little creatures go about their life.

I was actually typing something up about cats last night, must be in drafts lol. My partner wants to try petplay more and I was saying I simply don't know what dynamics involving a catgirl would be, and that i don't interact w cats much irl besides just letting them do their thing and try to avoid getting bitten which does not translate well into play! Puppies are intuitive, cats I have no clue

[missmonsters2]

hey van! tonight I just feel a bit down and I have one of those nights where I'm thinking about my life and get really sad... like I'm going to be turning 24 in a couple of months and I was thinking how romantically and sexually I haven't been involved with anyone. I was always very shy and reserved in nature so even when someone was coming a little close I would get very anxious. now I'm thinking all these bad thoughts of how I'm not pretty, I'm not desirable etc especially since all my friends have had at least one sexual partner... I'm always thinking how ugly I must look so nobody is ever interested in me. like when I went out with my friend, the guys would ask her name, her insta and just be interested in her while I was just standing there awkwardly existing and thinking how awful I look and getting depressed. and it wasn't the first time. it happens all the time with whoever friend I go out with. I'm definitely super ugly and just... idk like... nobody likes me I guess. I'm really sorry I'm rambling about in your inbox. I just felt like I needed to tell someone and I consider you as my online friend. you've kept me company with your blog and writing too many times io count and I can't thank you enough. I can't speak to my other friends because I feel embarrassed. so feel free to ignore it. but thank you again for taking the time to read. you're awesome and I hope you're safe and happy.

I’m so sorry for the delayed answer! I had this in my drafts 😩

aweee babe, I've totally be there. I don't think there's anything wrong with to not have been involved with anyone sexually/romantically at your age.

I’m also pretty shy and reserved in nature. People getting too close to me physically or emotionally tend to also make me nervous and results with me deflecting.

I think during university, I don’t think many people asked me out irl when I was with friends. I was definitely insecure. When I made a passing comment to my friend, she said something about how I seem unfriendly. My resting bitch face really exudes that I don’t want people talking to me and makes other people feel awkward.

I think in some ways that’s true, mostly because despite being shy and reserved in nature, I would like people to talk to me but I also don’t want them to talk to me LOL

Anyway, it took me time and figuring out on my own and how I feel but I did make small changes. My thought process is rather harsh on myself so I won’t divulge exactly what led me to change because it’s not something I would repeat to others.

But it doesn’t hurt to try to appear more friendly when you’re out and about if you want people to notice you and ask you for your name/number. I know you said you’re shy and trust me, me too, but I don’t think that should stop anyone from achieving what they want.

I also think you should reflect or talk to a professional about why someone getting close to you may make you anxious. I think people can tell that we don’t want to be approached and people who are not complete sleazeballs will avoid approaching us.

Ngl for the most part, im usually someone who smiles and says hi first in new social situations. When people get to know me, they always say things like, “honestly I thought you were mean/scary/a bitch/didn’t wanna talk when I first met you but you’re actually pretty nice.” LMAO one of my exes literally told me they thought I was the grudge walking down the halls of school and the lights would flicker 😮‍💨

Honestly, I wouldn’t worry too much about not being sexually/romantically involved with anyone. It all comes to us different and we shouldn’t compare someone else’s experience to our own because they’re not living the life we live. There’s always things we can do to change and if you want to, that’s 100% up to you. There’s so many people in the world and people who are meant for you. Looks aren’t everything for everyone and you don’t want to be with someone who prioritizes looks over everything. Is it maybe the first thing that people notice? Perhaps but it won’t be the be all end all.

I don’t know what you look like and it’s not fair of me to say but it really just is the negative thoughts that make you feel that way about yourself. I bet you’re really pretty, especially when you feel happy and I can tell you’re so sweet from how you’ve come into my inbox 💘💘

I bet there’s plenty of people who will agree with me 💘💘 chin up babe, we’re both walking through life together and it’s going to be okay 🥳

[lupusexspiravite]

My Health Journey and what Helped.

Hello, My Name is Wolf aka Lupus Ex Spiravite and i have a Story to share.

 8 Years ago, Just before I graduated college, Had a Fiancee/ Submissive, Was a Pro CoD Gamer and everything in the world felt Right. Then one day after a rather long and stresfull day, i woke up with a severe Headache that went on for 2 and a half weeks (Not days, weeks.) I thought i just had overworked myself, Come to find out 8 years later that it was the started point of when my health Deteriated and my safe and comfy world disappeared. It wasnt a meer headache this turned out to be my first of 3 total mini-strokes. I went in and they ER confirmed that during the last 2 weeks of my associates degree i had had a mini-stroke and was lucky that i was even alive. They ran tests and eventualy all they could do was tell me to get bed rest and do as much of nothing as i could.

So i did, and barely managed to graduate with a 3.45 gpa In Computer Drafting and Design. I was happy and i thought it was over so i went into going for my bachelors of Game Design. 2 months into the degree my body started to really move on its own, I had always had small jerking movements in random places of my body but this was different, It first started heavily in my hands making it extremely hard to do almost anything. So i went ot the doctors they gave me some muscle relaxers and sent me on my way. i was good for about 7-8 months before the movements went up from my arms into my chest and made it extremely hard to breath. The doctors didnt think anything of it and just gave me more pain releavers and sent me on my way untill i went to a hospital i personally trusted and they tested me and found i had Late onset Severe Tourettes Syndrome. Meaning that i had had tourettes my whole life but only recently did it begin to truly act up.

 I was given meddations and the twitches as i call them died down a lot. I was able to get back to my schooling and try to get good grades. so i did. Thought nothing of it until one morning i woke up with excruiciating pain in my chest. the type of pain and discomfort you never want to feal. toke me 3 hours before i told my fiancee to drive to the er. When we got there i ended up passing out 4 timee before i was brought ot the back and given again muscle relaxers which calmed it down. That was thrst of almost 900 chest pain attacks i had during the next 13 months During whcih my tics Just came back with force.

It toke those doctors 13 months to figure out i had an extremely rare condition which causes the muscles in my chest wall to contract at over 100 contractions a second, literally mimicking a heart attack without having a heart attack.  During this time I was diagnosed with 6 other Health Conditions, which eventually lead to me dropping out of getting my bachelors degree. So i toke a break friom school Opened my own computer repair company and went on my way to well living. Then i had a head ache this time not as bad but enough to cause me to black out for a total of 3 hours. when i woke up i was in the hospital, i was toke that the mini-stroke had left a scar of sorts which was gonna cause me to have black out head aches for the rest of my life. During this time i was working on gettingm my license and as soon as the DMV heard my health history they black listed me from driving. I let it roll off thinking everything will be ok. another 8 months goes by and My fiancee/Sub left because she couldnt handle me having these health issues. My buisness Died, and i was forced to go live with my sperm donor for a while.

 Which allowed me to focus on getting my health straightened out but that lasted 6 motnhs before i was kicked out of my sperm donors house because i wasnt christian. For 5 and half months i Literally spent the days and nights on the streats with nothing but me and the wilderness to contend with sincle it was a backwoods town. I eventually got a call from a friend and went to live with her for a while. She eneded up becoming my Sub because we had been in talks about it before i originally left to go stay with my sperm donor. i was happy for 2 years. I eneded up finiding that Marijuana was a good way to calm all my health issues down and because i had a Sub again My Phyiscal and Mental Health was extremely good. Till i hit another road block.

A second Min-Stroke, Followed by severe food poisioning a month later and 4 monhs after that a emergency Gall Bladder Removal, which left me weak and vulnerable yet again, and what happens my Submissive again Tells me She cant deal with my health issues and im forced to again leave. This time coming to another state where my sister helped me get my health situated ( During this time i had my third mini-stroke) before i get told the worst news in the world, I had stge 2 colarectal Cancer which needed an imidiate Surgery Removal. I was Diagnosed on May 9th, 2019, when into surgery 2 months later. Spend 3 months recovering before a secondary surgery was done and recovered from that after another 4 months.  This left me with mutiple Scars on the inside and a non-alcholic Fatty Liver with barely working kidneys. As of June 8th 2020 i was told i had beaten my cancer. I was happy but it left me with extra health issues.

 Mentally during the whole time i was and still am struggled with depression, Anxiety, Over active Stress, PTSD and More whcih was not being taken care of because to the doctors it wasnt bad enough. During this 8 year period i put myself in a Mental Hospital twice to try to deal with everything going on. Didnt really help. Then I started Teaching BDSM after all i had spent 5 years prior to this. First Studying for the first year, then Learning and participating in the BDSM Lifestlye for the remaining 4 years after i hit 18. BDSM Became the only way i could truly ground myself. When i was doing a scene it was like my entire health issues, both physically and mentally just Disappeared and my Sole focus was on what was going on in the Scene.

 Over all these years, Since i hit 18 and then when i hit 22 and became a Certified BDSM Master, BDSM Became the one Rock that even in the Darkest days could bring me out of it. BDSM Allowed me a Healthy Way to Cope while teaching and Enjoying something I  Loved. This is the power of BDSM that No one talks about. That no one expects but it is there. It pulls you into a grounding vortex that doesnt let you go for as long as you need so you can Enjoy. Have Fun, Safely and healthily become Grounded. For me Its like Lighting that electifies and subdoes all my health issues. Once i learned when i was 18 that it did that I never once looked back. and to BDSM I say Sincerely Thank you and i hope that During the rest of my Hopefully long Life i can within the BDSM Lifestyle.

The reason i diecided to make this was because, There has been a lot of people who Dont understand that the BDSM Lifestyle is Something more to me than just a relationship. It is literally a way for me to Keep myself going through the Crappiest of days. The funny part of all this is I know I am not the Only one in whicht the BDSM Lifestyle helps in this way.

Thank you for Reading the ramblings of a an old Souls post.

[smileykeijser]

Hey, I'm having a bit of a rough night. Do you happen to have some piece of writing you could share? About anything, really, I just need to read something good

hello lovely, I’m sorry you’re having such a rough night, here’s some sort of finished elippo smut that’s been in my drafts for a while (it’s unfinished but can definitely be read, there is a tie off point). 

Elia’s hot breath wafted over Filippo’s ear, gravelly voice breaking the spell they were both so taken with, “I need you now.”

Elia could hear the shaky breath Filippo let out, right into Elia’s ear, thrumming with desire, and at the very highest pitch, so faint Elia could barely hear it, a whimper, something needy and delicious that bled across Elia’s tongue and coated his tongue with lust, thick and heady he could lap it up with ease.

“Eli,” and god, if Elia thought he had had a difficult task a minute earlier holding himself back from ravishing the beautiful boy in the middle of an alley in thick air that was steadily growing darker, the temptation only grew stronger with his own name perched on the boy’s tongue.

“We’re going to go home, you’re going to strip down to nothing but your tattoos, and I’m going to fuck you senseless baby,” and at that, Filippo let out and ungodly sound, guttural and overdrawn, just like the ones he breathed out when Elia was hot and hard inside him. “And I’m going to turn your ass nice and pink, just the way I like it.”

“Please,” Filippo whimpered, desperate fingers clinging to Elia’s shirt, cock growing hard against Elia’s thigh, “please.”

“Let’s go,” Elia initiated the separation, withdrawing from the embrace with reluctance weighing his limbs down, taking in the shuddering frame of his boyfriend as they clasped hands and walked   — no tumbled —  down the alleyway.

They expertly wound their way through short-cuts that halved their journey, and soon they were at the door, Elia’s fingers tiptoeing under Filippo’s shirt, pressing heated points into his skin, causing the boy to fumble with his keys, cursing Elia’s inability to keep his hands to himself under his breath.

With the door closed behind them, Elia wasted no precious seconds delaying the inevitable, not when he could, with a few steps, press the boy to the wall, and map Filippo’s body with his own. So he did, pushing through the thick, lust rich air to press their legs together, to feel the outline of Filippo’s hard cock against his own, to puncture the tension with his lips on the boy’s skin.

He flirted kisses down Filippo’s neck, pale skin warm beneath his lips. The way he was rewarded with feather light brushes of breath from his boyfriend encouraged him to go gentle, to kiss the tender patches to elicit the most expressive sounds from the boy and lick swooping paths up the column of his throat. However, the way Filippo’s fingers were digging into Elia’s waist, sharp, bordering on painful, urged Elia to nip, to bite at the skin, to suck purpling marks into the flesh that would bring Filippo arching up towards him, leaving him desperate and needy.

It seemed Filippo appreciated his taking the second path, as the moment Elia bit the juncture of his neck the boy practically whimpered in his ear, tugging at Elia’s hips in urgency, trying to grind their cocks together, even though they were still confined to fabric chambers. The feeling of Filippo’s hot cock through his jeans was nearly too much for him, he reigned himself back lest he spin the boy around with rough hands and tug Filippo’s pants down to launch an attack against his asshole. Lust flared within his core, hot and sparking desire through his entire being, revealing a demanding side to him, to the part of him that craved the boy more than anything, and from his lips, without his own consent spoke sharply.

“No.” Licking a circle around the newest of the bites, darkening with every second, his hands found Filippo’s hips, forcing the two apart.

“Fuck,” the word trembled on Filippo’s lips, finally falling, as Elia’s eyes took in his. Filippo’s eyes were always dark, it was, in Elia’s opinion, one of the most compelling features the boy posessed. Whether they were the only dark thing in a morning ringed with sunlight or he fell into them like the night sky around them, Elia could never tear his own eyes from them. That time was no exception, in fact, the pupils were threatening to swallow the iris, and with the already hazy look about him, Elia couldn’t help the guttural grumble that he released.

Elia remembered the way Filippo had shivered at his commands back in the alley, how he had done nothing but shudder in his arms, and then Elia spoke. His voice sounded barely his own, sharper around the edges, deeper, commanding.

“Get on your knees,” and for a moment, just a moment he wondered if he had broken the spell. If suddenly the dulled edges of reality would sharpen and Elia would let his tone even out again and they would work each other through their orgasms with lazy hands tugging at cocks and lips pressed together with no urgency. He would’ve taken any route to orgasm with the man he loved, but when Filippo sucked in a burst of breath and blinked out a cluster of fluttering eyelashes before lowering himself down, eyes clinging to Elia’s like a lifeline, Elia felt his insides become molten.

Elia thought the sight of Filippo, the boldest, most confident person who was normally so rich with comebacks, kneeling before him at his express order, was possibly the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen. Filippo’s eyes were wide as saucers from the angle, and an almost giddy smile was curved upon the boy’s sinfully pierced lips. He made Elia’s mouth water, and with a dominance that had only recently revealed itself within him, Elia reached down and roughly combed his fingers through Filippo’s colourless locks. The move was sharp enough to tug on the boy’s head, and Filippo’s head tipped back easily, as if he hadn’t been resisting the motion at all, happily bearing his throat with unabashed enjoyment.

“Now,” Elia spoke, fingers still nestled in the boy’s hair, which was even more mussed than it had already been from their night out. At the sound of Elia’s voice, Filippo’s plush pink tongue darted out, swiping across his lower lip, as if he was lapping up the situation as much as could, savouring the taste of Elia’s demanding voice and demeanor. “You’re going to take my cock out and put your pretty mouth to good use.”

Elia shuddered as Filippo snapped to in an instant, fingers zipping down his fly with expert ease, as if he had been patiently waiting for Elia’s say so to jump to action. Filippo’s hands worked swiftly to shove Elia’s pants down around his ankles, never breaking the heady eye contact they were holding, and with one last artful flick of his wrist, Filippo tugged Elia’s cock from his boxers. Instantly, despite the forced break of eye contact, Filippo took the head of Elia’s cock neatly between his beautiful, slick lips and sucked, roping a litany of praise from Elia.

“That’s it baby,” Elia panted out, pressing his palms against the wall to brace himself as he pressed forward, watching with awed eyes as his cock slipped even further into Filippo’s mouth without fault, Filippo just clung to Elia’s thigh with one hand, using the other to tease Elia’s balls.

“Fuck yeah, Filo, you take my cock so well,” Elia mumbled as Filippo’s tongue worked its wicked way around his length, rough compared to the slick heat of the rest of his mouth, and incredibly addicting. “I could do this all day baby, just push into your gorgeous mouth, it’s like it was made for my cock.”

Elia’s ramblings were spurred on by the whines Filippo let out when Elia spoke, the wavering, shaky, high pitched frequencies that rumbled along Elia’s shaft and sent tremors through his being.

Elia was no stranger to the suction and heat, the expert that Filippo’s blowjobs were, but he was alight with the power, the control he felt, his hand tight in Filippo’s hair, choosing just how fast the strokes were, or how luxuriously lazy they could turn, all from his hand, his touch. And when he felt himself near to falling, hitting the craved high like a ton of bricks, he had the control to stop.

Even though he could think of little better than the look of Filippo’s cock stretched lips swallowing him down, and the pink tongue he could feel rubbing circles under the head of his cock reaching out to lick up the excess come, or having to suck his own fingers into his mouth to get the come off, he imagined his cock, shades darker than Filippo, sliding in and out of his tight hole, constricting as Filippo crashed into his orgasm, had him practically seeing stars.

Elia forced himself to tug his hand backward and pull Filippo’s lush mouth from his cock. Filippo made no attempt to lick up the spit that dribbled down his chin, a concession for his come, Elia thought. Though Filippo’s eyes had not left Elia since he ceased having his cock down his throat, Elia tipped the boy’s head back even more, looking deeply into his eyes, dark as ever and pliable under his touch.

Seconds, taut and hefty passed, and finally, Elia spoke.

“Look at you,” Elia pulled an extra tug at the boy’s hair, nudging a satisfying ‘ngh’ from his throat, “totally wrecked.”

Peripherally Elia spotted a movement, Filippo’s hand drifting toward his own crotch, where his cock was, no doubt, excruciatingly hard and trapped in the agonizing and unrelenting pressure of his jeans. Elia easily could have let it slip and let the boy palm himself on his own term, but no, tonight was his, and so he nudged the boy’s foot away with his own, and under the touch, Filippo’s eyes gleamed.

“As soon as I let you go, you’re going to have a minute to strip down and present yourself for me on the bed.”

With Elia loosening his grip on the boy’s hair, Filippo nodded slightly. “And one more thing, “Elia added, “don’t you put a finger on your cock.”