#i doubt its only for poc tho

[hauntingjackalopes]

How we feeling DMC fandom :/

[fandomshatepeopleofcolor]

Legally Blonde is another movie just like the Barbie movie I can't stand at all.I don't care how empowering or how revolutionary it is,I'll see it as white privilege and white feminism the movie.also I couldn't watch the movie for the second time because I found Elle Woods super annoying.

I actually have a soft spot for legally blonde because it came out when I was in high school and it was nice to see a stereotypically "dumb" girl get into a prestigious college for a master degree no less!!!

However even by the standards of the early 00's it was VERY WHITE. Like Reese Witherspoon doesn't seem like a bad celebrity but yeah that movie didn't even have token PoC given lines. Like ok I haven't seen it in years but I think the only poc were the asian ladies that Elle and her sorority sisters went to for mani/pedis. Oh and the latino pool boy that was fetishized. So yeah given that she supposed started out the story somewhere in Southern California (I guess LA? Maybe hollywood?) you'd expect her sorority sisters to have rushed at least a few token PoC.

I will say one thing tho. Like ok when I read Michelle Obama's Becoming I got a feel for what it was like for Black students in Princeton (Legally blonde mostly takes place in Harvard, specifically the law school) another Ivy League school. Now granted I can't remember if Michelle and Barack were there in the early 90's or the late 90s but I feel like we were definitely robbed of SOME students of color at an Ivy league school.

anyways yeah its shit.

mod ali

edit: Now I'm doubting myself and thinking Michelle and Barack were at Princeton in the late 80's... honestly I cannot do math.

[mechawolfie]

does no one get tired of making characters that are like, Tragically Mentally Ill. like oh they’re not a bad person but they’re sooo scary because they’re soo Mentally Ill but you feel sooo bad for them bc if only they weren’t so Mentally Ill!!!

[doorhine]

I think some of my critique of the representation of poc, especially the Black characters, in Arcane would be reduced if Vi, Jinx, and Viktor were racebent. Again, poc ought to have roles where they aren’t suffering and are in powerful positions, but in a story like this with themes of classism and systematic oppression, to have almost all the characters of color be a part of the privileged class, cops, or working for an antagonistic white guy and then have the marginalized characters with the most screen time be white isn’t great, even though a lot of them are written with nuance in other ways like Mel and Sevika who I like a lot. Mel is a foreigner which I think adds some nuance to her character in general and in this specific context, but it’s still complicated given the imperialistic history of her family. I will say she stands out as her own character and not just support to Jayce’s narrative, which is important.

Ekko is a great character who doesn’t fall into any of those three roles, but he hasn’t been given the same amount of screen time characters like Vi, Jinx, and Viktor have and they’re the ones who speak the most, or have the most screen time to do so, about the issues the Undercity and its people face. Vi and Jinx, both as individuals and their relationship, are also the center of the story. Given what Jinx specifically represents in the narrative, as a significant product of Piltover’s failings, especially in the end of the season, it would be a more powerful message if she was racebent. Like, to have Silco refuse to give her up would’ve been more impactful if she was a woman of color instead of a white woman, because white women get to be prioritized and made into exceptions all the time. It would also make the scenes where Sevika gets beat up by Vi and Jinx, and I mostly refer to the part where Jinx displays her beat up body to send a message to Silco in his office, WAY less uncomfortable to watch for me because we’re made to root for Vi and Jinx.

In terms of Viktor, having him be the only one from Zaun in Piltover speaking to these issues when the council has, otherwise mostly white or non-human characters, but two dark skinned black women in it, rubs me the wrong way. Sky, a Black woman, is also fridged for some of his character development in act 3. There’s also fandom racism towards Mel's character because she’s a Black woman that gets in the way of a white mlm ship (If you like Viktor and Jayce because their dynamic is genuinely interesting and not because of racism/antiblackness you know who you are and won’t feel personally attacked by this). I personally like both Mel and Viktor and their dynamics with Jayce, but enjoying their characters is hard sometimes because of things like this that can clog the tags. 

Of course, these characters are based on a game so there’ll be people who say the show runners couldn’t just racebend characters that already exist, as though that hasn’t happened before in media and the show itself isn’t already diverging from previous canon in other ways. Also within Arcane itself, Caitlyn is shown to be Chinese and white based off of her voice actress and how her father looks and I seriously doubt that was canon before. But Caitlyn is more white passing/not very different from her original design so I haven’t seen, to my knowledge, people saying any negative things about that. Given that Hailee Steinfield’s maternal grandfather is Black and Filipino, I personally like the idea of Vi and Jinx being Black and Filipina as well. I don’t have a particular headcanon for what I’d racebend Viktor to be tho. 

I think I might also include Vander in this because it’d be nice if Vi and Jinx’s adoptive dad, who’s a liked figure in The Lanes and has had a huge impact on their lives, was also a poc. I’d probably keep Silco white, not because he’s antagonistic but because poor white people exist and I don’t have a problem with him and other notable characters from Zaun, with various moral alignments, like Benzo, Mylo, Claggor, and that lady Silco was allied with being white. I won’t pretend that there aren’t poc who are cops in real life either, but to have Vi and Jinx be racebent and visibly darker than Grayson, Marcus and Caitlyn would help make the juxtaposition of those characters together a bit less sketchy, at least to me. 

The way poc, and Black people specifically, are presented on this show is a complex discussion and I’m just one Black woman talking about this, but these are just some of my thoughts on the matter as of right now. There’s a lot of things I like about Arcane and it’s writing which is why I’m invested in the show. I just think tweaks like this could make an already nuanced and fleshed out story, richer.

[viscountessevie]

another s2 only watcher here. I watched the Tudum panel and it was basically my intro to the show. My 2 big takeaways were Simone and Jonny’s chemistry is 🔥🔥 and Nicola talked over everyone (the 🤧 insertion was pathetic). Her crying over the show’s diversity on KC, saying she “let” s2 have its moment, the constant clout chasing, etc really turned me off of her. And she shaded RJP huh? But she gets treated with kid gloves even by the anti 🤧

Related to this ask and gave you a emoji and nickname in this post.

I also added another ask from an anon asking about the Met Gala drama and since I mentioned that in this post yall got coupled together - second anon your answer will be under the cut!

Eyyy it's Sneezy 🤧 Anon hi! Thanks for this ask!

Honestly aside from the NC of it all, that's a pretty good intro to the show. I wish I could back to that moment. I was so happy and excited to have Jimone as Kathony who had amszing chemistry. Sweet Chari as the lovely and wholesome Edwina and a wonderfully adapted version of TVWLM that was similar to S1's close adaptation and I was interested to see how the sideplots would connect to the main story and romance while elevating the characters and setting Ben up for his season.

I was a Capital C Clown🤡🤡🤡

So I've talked abt the things you've listened do Imma just link to those previous posts so that I don't sound like a broken record:

The Time Bullshit and KC Interview are covered here

Got an ask about her being a clout chaser back in the Met Gala drama day (wow we are going THROUGH the archives today)

She's shaded Rege so many times I cannot. I can't access the Liked Tweets anymore cos girlie deactivated. Also got a recent ask, asking about Met Gala so I'm adding the ask here:

Related to the mention of Met Gala in this ask

Here is a run down of The Met Gala bullshit:

[As for the last part of your ask anon, the last line felt like a pretty loaded jab at CC and I'm not answering anymore new asks about her for the time being and also other blogs have covered what you asked so feel free to search for those opinions 👌🏾 hence the crop]

About the Love Shirt:

[Lmao it took me an obscene amount of time to find it cos it was a story and I kept looking at her posts 🤡]

Imma be nice and say she looks adorable here and it's always great to have an ally or maybe even a fellow Community member 👀 but I'm not one to speculate sexualities on a public platform like this so we'll leave it at this. Though the meltdown from those creeps - who ship N&N despite Newts being in loving relationship with Jade - would be funny af

The Choose Love organisation also seems to be a good cause and she does bring the eyeballs so at least the attention on the organsation is good!! Tho I am side eyeing the POC inclusion flag colours esp after the way she's treated Regé and Marina.

As for JVN Hair Deal, I can't find anything new? The last post she made was in September being excited for it to launch. Even if she is their brand girl now, honestly her getting brand deals isn't a crime. Good for her I guess if she wants she can go retire and be an influencer.

The annoying part was how Simone our S2 LEADING LADY was sidelined by production when they partnered up with Pat McGrath. I'm giving Pat McGrath the benefit of doubt in that situation (I did an ask on it here) and they didn't get to pick who from the show would rep them. Because let's be real it was founded and is being run by a black woman, the titular Pat, you think she wouldn't jump at the chance to promote the products catered to darker skin people??? So that one I fully blame production and their brand coordinator for deciding a white woman was a better representative for a black owned make up brand over their literal Indian Lead of that season.

Also for this alleged current deal - not trying to excuse it but rather explain why NC got it again - it's finally her season 😒 how can we forget they remind us every fucking second and she's friends with JVN so she has that personal connection. He probably knows her best out of the cast and asked for her. And of course as Production's Sweetheart, the show sent her to do it.

As for the kid gloves thing, it's mostly with her fans. Most people I know who dislike her now like I do after being burnt by her, we're pretty scathing towards her actions. But I will say we are very cautious of how we talk about her because her fans LOVE to scream about how every single person crictising her racially ignorant bullshit is fatphobic. I don't disagree that there is a nasty part of the fandom that is fatphobic towards her but not most of us. Like we literally do not care about her weight, that was never in the question, her personality and behaviour is. All in all I assure you there's no treating her with kid gloves here.

(Also calling you Gloves 🧤 Anon that just stuck out to me shksjs)

[plan-d-to-i]

Tbh, people who say that JC was a great uncle in canon concern me. Haven't we moved past the whole "punishment = love" thing? I also feel like this falls into the Tiger Mom, or at least close to it since everything Jin Ling does—even when the kid has a point—is apparently never good enough for him. And if you're a PoC like me, JC's behavior unfortunately isn't really anything new, though certainly no less horrible.

He's become Madam Yu, and I doubt anyone will ever claim that she was a good mother. I also feel like if the Jins—some more than others—weren't horrible and Yanli hadn't died, the idea of JC being a good uncle likely wouldn't be as popular as it is.

I mean for one there's this.

The only positive thing I can say about jiang cheng when it comes to jin ling is that, he would die to protect him BUT he would also probably die before he'd give him a hug or a kind word... Jin Ling trusts jc to be violent and powerful but he doesn't trust him with his pain or hurt. Jin Ling's description of jc is really telling :

From as early as Jin Ling could remember, he had never seen Jiang Cheng’s face make the expression it was currently making. His uncle, who had led the distinguished Yunmeng Jiang Clan alone since the man had been young, had been cold, severe, and gloomy for years and years on end. Not a single lenient or merciful word left Jiang Cheng’s mouth if he could help it, nor was he ever willing to offer charity and kindness. But right now, though the man spent every ounce of effort suppressing all unnecessary expressions, his eyes held a terrifying glimmer.

The face which had always and everywhere been etched with sneering arrogance, the face which had forever been shrouded in a layer of dark haze, seemed to fill with light. But it was difficult to determine whether the emotion which penetrated and lit all its corners was a fuming, teeth-gnashing rage; a festering, bone-penetrating hatred; or a mad, violent ecstasy. (Chapter 23)

I love that: "nor was he ever willing to offer charity and kindness"! Jin Ling is like 14- 15 and he already has his uncle's number. By the time WWX comes across Jin Ling, JL has picked up most of jc's bad habits trying to please his uncle. He's sneering, arrogant, homophobic, ragey, and can't communicate with other kids his age or express his emotions in a constructive way. Hell Jin Guangyao did more for him gifting him Fairy! JGY!!! (↼_↼)

On the other hand Lan Sizhui is sweet, kind and thoughtful. He's even patient with MXY. Neither jc nor Lan Wangji came from ideal home environments but Lan Wangji clearly made an effort with Sizhui to be more open and communicative. Considering how tight MXTX's story is, this contrast is pretty telling between parenting styles, and yzy & jc (yzy 2.0) emerge as critiques.

But I suspect ppl know at heart jc is not #1 uncle, they just say it for the same reason they try to make him #1 dog dad even tho he never shows an interest in dogs past his childhood- because it sounds a hell of a lot better than: the dude who led the siege to kill WWX, and "the old, the weak, the women and the children"...

[theendofeverafter]

Apple White: A Character Study (Legacy Day and Chapter 1)

Here it is! I’m breaking up these notes into chunks so that my posts don’t get too long. I’ve written a lot, I must admit. Below are my notes on Apple White’s character in Ever After High, specifically in Legacy Day and Chapter 1.

LEGACY DAY ARC

- Apple seems really sincere, even when she's being offensive. She's truly been raised to think her worldview is the only one out there.

- She convinced Headmaster Grimm to pair her up with Raven for room assignments. Maddie was supposed to be Raven's roommate before the switch. So does that mean Apple was going to room with Kitty? Wouldn't Apple request one of her best friends? My theory is that Apple and Blondie were paired up beforehand. Cupid transferred to their school at the beginning of their second year (but after move-in), meaning Blondie would have been in a room by herself. However, this raises another question. Aren't Briar and Apple really close at the beginning of the series? They're BFF(A)s and in all the promotional material together. Does that mean Briar and Ashlynn became close friends during their freshman year? I know they've known each other since they were little, and they were in a small friend group with Crystal, but Briar and Ashlynn seem to become better friends as the series goes on. Much to think about.

- "I'm thoughtful, and beautiful, and I sing the most wonderful songs about woodland creatures." Bruh

- Decorating her roommate's side of the room is dedication lol

- (Side note: In Raven's Tale, the backgrounder girl kisses Hopper during the intro. In Apple's Tale, she huffs and refuses, causing him to transform back into a frog.)

- Apple uses lots of animal labor. Why is it okay when she does it, but not Faybelle? I suppose Apple's animals are doing it out of their "free will", but, like, they're animals.

- Apple addresses Daring as "Prince Daring" at first. That must mean they aren't well acquainted at the beginning of their sophomore year, which…yikes. Aren't they supposed to be married within the next few years? You gotta wonder how the Royals actually feel about being paired up with people they don't know. Wouldn't it be good for Apple and Daring to grow up together so that they could have a healthy friendship? Perhaps the parents worry that they'll dislike each other, putting the story in jeopardy. A lot of this rests on the kids not hating each other, I guess.

- And to that end, Apple pretends like she and Daring are really close for Blondie's MirrorCast. Putting on a show seems to be the Royal MO.

- "…then the prince can wake me, and I become queen. That's when I get my happily ever after. I need her!" This is honestly sad to me. Apple refers to Daring as "the prince" in her speech to Briar. There isn't a personal connection to him. It feels like a story she's been fed for years being regurgitated. Apple is banking on everything she's been taught going according to plan. That's why Raven's rebellion sends her into a tailspin.

- Didn't realize doing a close watch of the show would make me more sympathetic to Apple, but here we are.

- Also, why doesn't she want Raven to know Briar helped her decorate the room? Aren't princesses supposed to outsource help? Is it a pride thing?

- A similarity to Disney: Apple and both Snow Whites can't talk to animals, even though they all seem to have close connections to them. Ashlynn and (presumably) both Cinderellas, on the other hand, can talk to animals.

- Apple doesn't seem to be good at replying to compliments. She likes to say "I know" instead of "thanks", which is…a choice.

- Daring doesn't seem to be all that perturbed by Raven running away from her destiny. Apple, of course, is distraught.

- "I know you'll do whatever it takes." Jesu, Grimm. Ominous much? Apple definitely takes his request seriously, as we'll see later on in the series.

- Some of the stuff Apple sees in the Storybook of Legends has to be wish-fulfillment, right? There's a picture of her singing at a concert. Sis can't sing tho…

- Also, this isn't actually the Storybook of Legends. The book is currently in Briar's room under a carpet. This means that no one actually signed it and everyone's destinies are still up in the air, something I should have realized before I started writing my story. Oh, well. Mattel's plot holes strike again.

Chapter 1

- (Side note: They really invited Lizzie Hearts to Raven's intervention lmao. I suppose it's because she's one of the only named villains at the school, but it's still funny to see her here. Does she even know what's going on? Also, would she want to take part in this? Raven's mom fucked up her entire world. If Raven becomes like her mother, she could try to conquer Wonderland again. I highly doubt Lizzie wants that.)

- Apple needs a magic mirror to regurgitate praise and affirmations every day, on top of all the fawning she gets from the people she walks by. A little suspect, if you ask me.

- (Side note: pan C. A. Cupid. That is all.)

- "She's running unopposed…again." This means that Apple ran unopposed for head of the Royal Student Council in her freshman year. That's impressive.

- (Side note: Maddie and Raven canvassed for the former's run for president. If the show followed its premise, Raven's endorsement should have tanked Maddie's campaign [Raven wasn't popular before Legacy Day]. Maddie apparently doesn't care about this, which makes her a really good friend.)

- (Side note: Almost all the POC are Rebels at the beginning of the show lol)

- (yes I count Raven as POC, it’s a headcanon of mine. I’ll elaborate in a different post)

- (Side note: During the food fight episode, Dexter first glares at his brother for agreeing with Briar before being elbowed by Blondie, forcing him to reluctantly nod along with the Royals. This proves that they've been socialized to reinforce certain behaviors/ideas and keep their peers in line should one step outside the unspoken boundaries.)

- Apple wants to be "frenemies" with Raven. I don't think that's healthy.

Conclusion

Watching the first chapter + Legacy Day episodes critically has helped me see a more complete Apple White. There are so many little quirks that one would only notice after watching the series and reading the books. It makes the show 10x more enjoyable. Hope you like my notes! There were other things I noticed, but I didn't want to inundate everyone with side notes (this is, after all, supposed to be an Apple White character study). Feel free to leave feedback!

[imagefragrance]

this topic might be a little personal (if so just ignore me sorry) but is it ok if I ask if being mixed race is something that can be kinda confusing for you? I’m half european and half caribbean but I was raised in england and while I love that I got to be raised in a multicultural home and experience aspects from both ny cultures I also sometimes get a lil confused wrt my sense of identity. like I can feel conflicted abt my connection to my heritage/culture if that makes sense? bc I dont identify with english culture at alllll and I always felt like a foreigner living there even tho I lived there most of my life and this makes me feel like there isn’t anywhere thats home to me bc I dont rly feel a sense of belonging in the countries I’m from or the country I was raised in. and do you relate more to one country than the other or is one culture more important or relatable to you? I get a lil sad that I dont have much connection to my caribbean side bc I never lived there and my family from there is mostly dead and it’s a shame to miss out on part of my family history. idk if you can relate to this at all or if I’m just rambling in the void lmao it’s just I live in a majority white country and dk a single other mixed person so I dont have anyone to discuss these things with. sorry for the long ass rant I will dedicate my next cig to you bc you had to read all this

i appreciate hearing about ur experience anon. i totally relate to you. for me its a bit weird bc my dad is dead so ive lived with only my mum in vietnam for most of my life. i definitely identify more with my vietnamese side, tho i don’t really feel fully embraced by vietnamese culture because my dad is foreign. vietnamese is still my first language and really the culture i know best, but i’ve still never felt fully viet. i remember reading the sympathizer by viet thanh nguyen and relating so hard, like that feeling of being an outsider in your own culture. i think that feeling of being alien is what made me want to move to ireland and see if i could find that missing piece.

i recall visiting my dad for holidays in ireland and not completely feeling irish especially when interacting with my cousins and kids in my neighborhood. i feel like a lot of my upbringing has been characterized by this sense of displacement, like never really belonging anywhere but not understanding why that is the case. moving back to ireland as a semi-adult has been fascinating, as i’ve realized that i do have a stronger connection to my dad’s side than i initially thought. now i can maybe see ireland as being a home and im grateful to explore this aspect of my identity. at the same time, though, i doubt i will ever be considered fully irish since i am a poc. it’s like this weird liminal space of identity we occupy, never really being fully one or the other. though it is quite lonely at times im grateful for it as i feel like i’ve been able to experience two unique cultures.

thank u anon i dedicate my cig to u as well.

[bigskydreaming]

Continuing on that observation because I forgot to add this part, as a gen z I'm glad you understand that we or young people don't invent new ways to be evil, but it's not completely true. You aren't seeing new forms of online abuse in every platform, I doubt second hand information is going into details as well. Also the fact that you are a white man, there are things being said and done to poc in various online communities that I don't expect you to be privy to. Harassing fans of color and poc media has become a lot more common and normalized which parts of the fandom at large will never see. I don't know if anon did all of the thinking before saying "gen z bad" but they're not completely wrong looking at the kind of mass bullying behavior literal kids are exhibiting. They are learning from or being encouraged by older people but that shouldn't take the focus away from them to blame only the older people.

And my ask regarding Barbara, you assumed I hadn't thought about if my disdain for the character could have come from ableism. I had tho, granted you couldn't have known that and it was surely a possibility, so I'm not saying I'm mad about it, I was at that time a little bit. But you could perhaps give your anons a little more credit sometimes. Sometimes people know what they're talking about, you don't need to explain other possibilities to them each time.

Once again, sorry if this came off as very rude I just needed to share that observation and among many other instances these two were really highlights and kept bothering me. My issue with Barbara goes in a different direction than anything to do with her appearance and I've personally faced online abuse from people younger than me in ways that technologically, even politically, wasn't possible or as easy a few years ago, so you can maybe see why...

Please keep in mind that whatever context you have for yourself or your ask when you come into my inbox on anon......I have none of that. You have an awareness of yourself relative to whatever you asked me. I literally only know an anon by the words they put into my inbox and nothing else.

Also please keep in mind that every anon I answer, I do so in the larger context of my own interactions with tumblr overall. I have a lot of precedent with things I say being taken out of context, misrepresented or even just me not conveying myself as well as I like.

So the combination of those two things is that a) I literally just don't KNOW what any anon does or doesn't know and b) If I'm going to answer an anon, I tend to want to answer as fully and clearly as possible.

I can understand it coming across as being talked down to, so I'll work on that, but I would ask people to remember the above and keep that in context too when weighing my responses.....am I actually being condescending in every case, or does it simply feel that way because I'm including stuff you already know in my response? And if its the latter, is THAT something I COULD know about you without knowing who you are or you as a person and not just a paragraph sent in anonymously?

I'd rather be safe than sorry, and so from my POV since there's no harm in somebody seeing someone cover information they already know as PART of their overall answer or response, like, there's no reason for me not to include whatever I think is relevant and just expect readers to decide for themselves what about my response, if anything, is helpful, and like....just ignore the rest, y'know?

Also, just for the record, I am ADHD and I save my medication for when I'm working or writing or have stuff I absolutely need to get done, which doesn't include my usual blogging. So I'm usually posting while not on my ADHD meds at all, hence the rambling tendencies and the length. Another aspect of ADHD that doesn't get talked about much ime is we tend to over-explain, part out of just excitement/interest in whatever it is that has our attention, and also in part because we're used to people not necessarily following the leaps our minds take when jumping around rather than proceeding in an orderly thought pattern.....so, part of why I break things down so incrementally is I literally just don't know where my way of looking at things diverges from the way neurotypical thinking views things, so I want to draw as detailed a map as possible in order to ensure the most people possible can follow my thought process, just in case.

(And again see, this is something you might already know, and hell, you could have ADHD yourself, I just literally have no way of knowing that so rather than just mention it and be like "oh and also I have ADHD and so that's something to keep in mind" I'd rather explain WHY I feel that's particularly relevant to your question, since I'm kinda like, why not answer as fully as I have the spoons for? People can stop reading at any time if I go on too long. Its fine).

As for the specific asks you're referencing - my response to the gen z anon was not meant to convey that the sort of things you're describing don't occur among gen z, so sorry for giving that impression. Its actually the opposite of my point, which was simply that I don't think its a generational thing, or that anything is gained by treating it as a generational thing. This kind of behavior exists in gen z, yes, but it also existed before gen z. Its not gen z SPECIFIC, or limited to just that generation. That's all.

And the other ask, the one you made about Barbara - to be honest, I don't have anyway of knowing for sure which one you meant, and there are a couple it could have been, but if its the one I THINK you're referencing, I believe you asked how to stop people from assuming you dislike Barbara for reasons rooted in ableism when its because of other things? If that's the one, then I mean, the thing is....I DID answer your question, in as much as anyone could. I addressed the perceptions other people might have of your stance there, but basically - there IS no way to ever ensure people take you at your word or any kind of guarantee you can present your POV in a way that won't be misrepresented or misunderstood. So ultimately, I just had no real useful advice for that?

And so I expanded into the only thing I think anyone CAN control, aka their own thoughts and words, and suggested that you just double check to be sure of your own possible biases that others might read into your words without you being aware you were putting them in there. That wasn't meant as an insult or to suggest you hadn't already examined yourself for possible ableism - it was simply saying it never hurts to check again, y'know? We don't always catch everything every time we do a self-review, and internal biases are inherently tricky to pick up on ourselves. And it just loops back into the fact that I really had no way to know what you had and hadn't already considered, you're essentially a blank cipher to me....and in my experience, a lot of people are a lot more ableist than they realize.

And this isn't an insult either! It applies to me and I'M physically disabled! I'm constantly to this day unpacking new realizations about how I still have more ableist views and opinions than even I realize, even after about five years of living with chronic pain, vertigo, nerve issues and associated problems stemming from only half a working mouth lol. I'm not trying to insult people by asking them to just do what I do every day and just like....make sure I'm not the problem when other people have a problem with me. Because sometimes, even after reflecting as fully and genuinely as I can, I think they're still wrong! I don't have to agree with their conclusions! But that doesn't mean that they're never right.

And for the record, I do think its still worth examining on your end, because I don't love that you said your issues with Barbara have nothing to do with her appearance, when we're talking about ableism specifically. It very well could be just a poor word choice on your part and not a reflection of your actual views, but it could also be a suggestion that you tend to think of physical disability as something that's limited to there being a visual sign of, and there's a lot of invisible symptoms and changes to the ways a disabled person interacts with society and society with them that don't alter a disabled person's appearance in anyway...and many of these things are the exact stuff a lot of unacknowledged ableism revolves around.

So I'd like to give you and other anons more credit and the benefit of the doubt and assume you know what you're talking about and don't need things broken down as much as I tend to break them down to - but keep in mind I don't OWE you that, and its a lot to ask someone to take you on faith when you've already made the conscious choice to present yourself to them anonymously, and deliberately limit how much a person even CAN know about you before answering, when you have an equal opportunity to present yourself by name, allowing someone the full context afforded by your blog, that they can use to familiarize themselves with you and what you likely do or don't know before answering. I don't think its entirely reasonable to anonymize YOURSELF and then expect people to still give you the benefit of the doubt.

Especially when not giving you the benefit of the doubt only really results in me over-explaining something you don't think you need explained in certain ways or in as much depth. Its not hurting anyone, and you're not going to be the only one reading this response and maybe that over-explanation ISN'T something other people know and it could still be of use to someone else, y'know?

But lastly, please keep in mind that you came to me, and I just answered in the way that made the most sense to me. If that didn't work for you or wasn't what you're looking for, that's fine, but like. You knew way more about me going into this interaction than I could possibly know about you, and assuming good faith of you and your interest in my response and giving you as much of a response as I did in the first place, let alone now, IS giving you the benefit of the doubt in the sense that I'm assuming you can find some way in which these responses are of use to you.

And if not, like....just don't send me more asks? LOL. I kinda feel like you just didn't expect the answer you got, and that's sitting weirdly with you. Which I get, to be honest, but I don't particularly think that's a me problem, because that has nothing to do with anything I can control.

I can only give the answer that occurs to me when I read and think about an ask. I can't guarantee it'll ever be the answer the asker actually WANTS.

[official-michael-afton]

please go into detail about the graphic novel. like all those CATS reviews going around? PLEASE im begging you

Okay so like- tbh I’m less mad about that it’s bad and more about that it had the POTENTIAL to be good and was hot garbage instead

Like here’s some of pinky’s art(source because art stealing is bad):

and OF COURSE I’m not expecting the graphic novel to look like this. That’s ridiculous. When you need to draw so many pictures for so many pages, of course there’s going to be a sacrifice in quality. Things will look much more simple and rough.

... It shouldn’t be this bad, though.

i just... everything is so unpolished. Maybe it would’ve been cleaner if Pinky had more time?

I’ve spoken about my issues with Pinky’s designs before. She draws animatronics just fine, but... The humans? ... They exist... Most don’t look bad, they just have same face syndrome(Will and Hen look related). Jessica’s design was just a “haha hot blonde” caricature and wasn’t thought out much more than that. The style is trying too hard to be Disney but falls short- especially because this is a HORROR SERIES and not a FAIRYTALE... MIXED WITH SOME ANIME ELEMENTS FOR REASONS?????

I don’t know if it should be in a different style or maybe if Pinky had mastered this style better it wouldve looked better, but it’s just choppy. She’s clearly out of her element and it shows, which sucks because like she’s a really good artist! ... I should also add that if this was done by just some random person I’d give it all the credit in the world, but because this is the official artist getting paid for this- and I KNOW she can do better- that’s why I’m being so hard on her. Because I know this work didn’t live up to her full potential.

The colors were done by a “Laurie Smith”, not Pinky, and it’s... embarrassing. 

Jason got whitewashed... why tho? Keep him white or keep him POC, don’t do... whatever this is.

You can see the fill tool on the lighting here. It’s so choppy, it’s jarring instead of highlighting, and... just... awful. If Laurie spent just... literally one extra minute fine-tuning this it would’ve been so much better. But instead it looks like I took this to MSPaint

F... Fully saturated... bright red... “blood”. ... Someone got paid for this. I- this actually hurts my eyes, I can’t look at it for too long, it’s too bright and contrasted. 

Many of my friends have said that toning down saturation for the whole novel would be a HUGE fix, and I agree. It’s too bright and colorful for a horror novel, and could really use a lot more color theory(not just RED GRADIENT BECAUSE SOMETHINGS SHOCKING and OCCASIONAL GREEN LIGHT FROM NOWHERE, im talking overarching color theming, which is a whole long topic on its own)

I’m sure Laurie is a fine artist... maybe she needed more direction. Maybe she’s just a colorist, not in the fnaf fandom, so maybe she doesn’t usually work in the horror genre? Maybe she was just given “here’s what the character’s color schemes are” and had to figure it out on her own? I’m not behind the scenes, I don’t know the full story. I’m gonna give her the benefit of the doubt... but my God, this is awful compared to how good it would’ve looked with proper coloring.

As for the actual writing/pacing/layout

... eh.

Idk whose hands this was in: Scott’s, Kira’s, Pinky’s, some combo, so I don’t know who to be pointing at for this but. Eh. It’s okay, nothing insulting or cringey, at least. 

The pacing is rushed, but I expected that. You have to rush the story in order to fit a 500-page novel into a 200-page graphic novel. I won’t get upset at anyone for this.

But... the layout... eh. I think the problem is that Scott, Kira, and Pinky- none of them are graphic novel artists. Yes, Pinky is an artist, but making single illustrations(like the amazing ones up top) and making a graphic novel are two extremely different arts. Graphic novels aren’t just pictures with text added, you’re telling the story through the images. There are a lot of “1 hour later”s and “...”s the like, which is a super amateur thing to do. You can convey emotions, time skips, mood, etc without having a text bubble for it. Again, nothing against Pinky, but she’s clearly out of her element here and the novel is suffering as a result. 

Honestly, I feel like hiring someone with graphic novel experience instead of hiring Pinky would’ve been a much better call. She’s a good artist, but just... not a good graphic novel artist yet, y’know?

I mean, I got a lot of laughs and memes out of this! ... Only it’s supposed to be sad and scary rather that hilarious and meme-tastic. So... props for ironic enjoyment, at least?

[nsomniacsdream]

My life is quiet. Where I live is quiet. I cant remember the last time I saw someone who wasn't white. They were probably Hispanic and not black tho. The native people who live here have intermarried so many times they look almost European. A quick glance wouldn't register that theyre not. This is Oregon, where white settlers decided that if they couldn't have slaves, they would just ban blacks outright. Almost every town over 100 years old has the stories, about the black family who moved to town and then their house was empty one day.

I'm not from here, a transplant like so many others. We came for ocean air, or trees to the horizon, or to feel the rain that falls half the year. Where I was born was similar, there are still klan flags flying in towns around where I was born. But poc were still there. Your parents could talk about lazy mexicans or casually use one of the hundreds of slurs we have made up for black people, but you knew someone at school who was Hispanic and he wasn't lazy. You grew up with black classmates and they weren't stupid or worse. You had a chance, you know?

After I left home, because it was leave or work in the hog plant until I got injured or too old, I floated around a lot. Baltimore, where there were people from all over, but everyone agreed the black part of town wasn't safe. Texas, where every other person was hispanic, but the white people would abuse them to their face and if you were black you kind of expected to be called something on a daily basis. I drifted to Iowa after awhile, and watched everyone I know dying by inches because the factories were closing and meth was cheaper than booze a lot of the time. I lived in Phoenix when arpaio was running things, and I was told the first day that I should make sure my gf didn't go out after dark, because the sheriffs office hated women almost as much as they hated Mexicans. 1 out of 100 rape claims would be investigated. White people re elected him every time he ran. Trump pardoned him, Google him if you want to know why I'll never believe anything trump says.

I've lived all over the country, and I've never really had to struggle. When I need an apartment, there is one available. I need a job. I put out a handful of apps and have one by the end of the week. But I've also seen first hand how different it is for people who aren't white. My friend (roommate for a time), who would have lost everything he had, and his wife and his 2 daughters, because the factory was the only place that would take people with felonies and paid a living wage. He hadn't done anything i havent done before, but he did it while being black. My ex and I got into a car accident (another driver on their cellphone crashed into us doing 45 in a 30 while we were parked). If several witnesses hadn't come forward it got real close to the cops declaring her at fault, because the driver who hit us was white and claimed she swerved out in front of her. My ex was black.

I dont know what to do with all of this information most days. Im really far from any of the equality and police brutality protests, and I'd lose my job if I took time off to attend one. I calmly explain to people what the protests are about and why they should support them, but my entire county pretty much guzzles straight from Trumps hose. Im ignored, or called naive or that ive drank the librul kool-aid, and I'm sure some people have put a little checkmark next to my name in their minds. In my little neck of the woods, I have a quiet life, and I dont expect that to change.

I guess this is a really long post to say: We are out here. You have more support than you might think. Burn this whole fucker down if you have to, because you've all done the right things and been told to wait and its been GENERATIONS and nothing has changed. There is nothing in this country that we have that isn't built on the backs and the broken bodies of yall. Blacks, natives, Hispanics, Asians, we played every single one of you telling you that you could have your shot at the American dream right after you built up the system we would use to deny it to you. There is no point in trying to compromise, or any of that "these things take time", because that time is life literally stolen from you and your children. Im poor as shit, so you can roll me right in there with the rest of you, even though I'm given the benefit of the doubt for being white.

I stand with you all. Im tired to my core over watching this keep happening. And I will back you all the way, anything. But when you see that Bumfuck, oregon re elected some douchenozzle who uses the threat of antifa and blm murder to fire up white peole, know that we aren't all fucking idiots. We just can't yell louder than them.

[bma-2020]

also???? does nobody find it??? at all weird??? that hatter knew??? where alice lived????? like maybe jack could have told him, m a y b e, but a: even tho i exaggerate the point a lot, Jack was still abnormally possessive as a person, he still had a huge ego and level of self obsession. While i could concede that jack would tell him where the looking glass was set location wise to find alice, i doubt he gave hatter her exact address. on too of that, before anyone says anything, i do believe the location of where the looking glass connects to is definitely optional. Cause, heres the thing, and I know I’m gonna offend some person by saying it but like... Humans are stupid, but not so stupid that they wouldnt notice hundreds of them disappearing at a time. It might just be a plot hole when they say it takes a thousand thrills to make one drop, i took it more as like the phar/maceutical companies claiming shit that costs them pennies to make is ‘so expensive’ to produce to up the charges they price on poor folks who need the shit to live, cause they can and nobody is gonna say shit to stop them cause when they do, they get fucked over even more. Theyre just lying fuckheads taking advantage of whatever the currency in wonderland actually is (besides the wonders themselves, cause the resistance didnt deal in that and hatter still wanted his ‘part of the cut’). And I doubt that, like I believe Alice lives in Canada cause, most of the actors are from there and, it looks like toronto. Heres the thing, while I’d concede that, maybe if only women were disappearing, or only poc were disappearing, the media wouldnt say shit about them disappearing in numbers. Especially in 2009. A good large portion of the oysters in the casino were white dudes, i really doubt they could disappear by the dozens and nobody would say anything. Not all of them were white dudes, dont get me wrong, they did not discriminate who they kidnapped in wonderland, but a large portion were. and they dont disappear without someone talking about it. So the only logical conclusion i can draw from that is them rerouting the location the looking glass ends up at every day trips so that, their flock of oysters nabbed dont start making humans question anything. Then they dont start prying, and they dont have to worry about the secret being out. but sidepoint aside, i think its a bit weird that hatter knew where she lived. Like i dont live in canada but i’d assume the hospital wouldnt just tell some random dude claiming to have saved her where her home address is. Even if the three month theory were wronf and he did jump right in after her and took her to a hospital, a hospital isnt gonna give some random guy her address, unless its a really shitty hospital.

[valeriemperez]

Any other asks about the latest fandom incident are going under this cut, and I will not be making another post about it:

Just kinda feels like you're placing more of the blame on GG then you are on the actual media that could do better. I feel that GG has a right to stand up for himself. And it's suddenly his fault and his responsibility to shield CP from racism.

Though it may feel that way, it’s not what is happening. This is why I retweeted and liked tweets directed at media outlets, whereas all I did to Grant was like his post and say “no one deserves to be body shamed.”

Honestly no a week won't a difference in a long run imo. I don't think as racists keep piling on her she'll think "oh well I had that one week that wasn't so bad so I guess this is fine " I guess for me what GG does for CP behind the scenes has more of a long term effect then making things a little less worse for one week.

I am sure that Grant and Candice’s actions BTS have more of a long term effect on the show, I never suggested otherwise. On fandom behavior? Not at all.

I think you're giving the uglier side of the fandom way too much credit. When GG supported the "run iris run" it only inspired parts of the fandom to be against it. Take a browse through the comment section of the iris poster that's on his IG. I legit argued with a GG Stan on Instagram that they should be kinder CP cause she's GG's friend and the response was "I don't care if GG likes her I'm still going to hate her." At most they'll pretend to be nice for a week then go back to being horrible

G supporting RIR inspired some people to comment negatively, sure. But him making a post after that saying, “If you are hateful and racist towards my friend and costar, I will block you” probably would not cause that same reaction. But we will never know.

I actually disagree if you think public support is more important than the private support he's given her. I think a lot of you have some unreasonable expectations of GG making a post and the fandom going "guess we won't be racist anymore". GG is not enough to make someone give up that kind of hate in their heart I'm sorry if you thought he'd be the one to solve that problem. What he's done for her BTS and to the producers has a much longer effect then maybe the fandom playing nice for a day

I don’t think public support is more important, and I don’t think it’ll stop racism. This sounds similar to the ask above, so I think the same answer stands.

Yeah he'll shut haters up for a day. Then the SB fans who hate when GG does something nice for CP will get more jealous and aggressive. The fanboys who hate CP and will always hate her will continue to attack her. I'm not saying him publicly saying it won't be nice but if it does happen I think a lot of you will be disappointed in that it probably won't change anything.

We’ll never know.

Honest I feel like GG could publicly speak out but when it doesn't fix anything the fandom will continue to blame GG for everything. Especially since to me it makes more sense to confront media sites for not doing more for CP then to blame GG for having the gall to stand up for himself.

We have been confronting the media sites about it, don’t worry.

So Grant is only allowed to publicly defend himself if he defends other people? Also at some point it became his sole responsibility to defend everyone else? Maybe I'm reading you wrong but you're coming across as saying "Since he's not showing the support I want him to show that means he's not supportive to Candice".

I never said that, he is very welcome to defend himself. And yes, you are reading it wrong, because I have specifically stated that he is supportive of Candice and that she receives and appreciates that support.

Your stance on this seriously is that the reason CP continues to get racist attacks is because GG never made a public statement. I think you have this idea that GG is willfully denying CP any relief from being attacked. Even with GG's case the people who supported him are the ones who always supported him. The people who attacked him were pretty much laughing at him saying they won't stop because he made a post. GG got some press for sure but it won't change anything in the long run.

No, that is not my stance. My stance is that Grant has the power to make more people aware of the situation, and to make some people feel shame for their actions, but he hasn’t used it. Several people who attacked him beforehand apologized in the comments and said they hadn’t thought about it that way.

Several of his coworkers commented on the post he made supporting him and Shethority reposted his statement on their IG story to show love. Whereas when he accidentally liked the comment saying Iris should be killed off, he did not make a comment on Candice’s insta saying “I love working with you and can’t wait to continue!” or whatever, he merely went to the IGs of people claiming he wanted her killed off to say he never meant to like that comment. Whether things will change in the long run or not, all I said is that Grant doesn’t make videos or posts or leave comments when it comes to the hatred his co-stars have been sent. That’s it, that’s the whole point.

I know you're not saying more but I want to say this last thing. You're actually not simply saying he's doesn't publicly support her you're twisting it into a thing where GG is the reason CP gets racial attacks everyday and assuming you know what the outcome will be if he supports her the way you want her to be supported. You're more accusing GG of something that's not his fault.

You’re twisting it into that, I’m specifically not saying that. I already said we don’t know the outcome if he were to speak out publicly.

I mean he gave a lot of support for Candice for the Run Iris Run episode. He actually did say how great she was in it which goes along with the "I love working with you" comment that you want him to do. I guess I'm confused cause he has given that kind of public support you want him to give her but you don't want to recognize it?

I already acknowledged that he’s given her support. I’m specifically talking about pushing back against the hatred, as opposed to “I don’t see that in my mentions” or whatever. I don’t know what else you want me to say, because I still enjoy Grant as an actor and their dynamic as costars. 

But lets be real here no matter what GG does he ain't changing anyone's mind. Him making a post might make you feel better about things but I doubt it'll actually making any difference to how the fandom treats CP. It just sucks that to you none of the previous support GG has given CP matters because to you the only thing that matters is that he give a public statement that would maybe have the fandom behave for no more than a week.

I already said that we will never know what would happen, and that it isn’t the only thing that matters. You’re the one twisting my words.

I don't get it tho wouldn't GG's actions having more of a long term effect on the show be more important and useful to CP? I certainly find it more important. I'd rather GG stick up for CP and WA behind the scenes and ensure their place of importance on the show then him making this grand public statement you want that might (and this is a big MIGHT) make the fandom play nice to CP for a short period.

I’m very happy with the support Grant has shown Candice behind the scenes, and I know she is happy with it as well. It’s not an either/or situation.

You're kind of sounding like Candice hasn't received support from Coworkers, producers, and shethority. Yes for one day they showed support to Grant but that doesn't erase the support they've given Candice in the past and will continue to do so in the future. It feels like you're mad people showed GG support, are they not allowed to do that?

I have already explained several times that Candice is not without support or friendship. My original statements were as they stand. Grant supports Candice and presumably others in private and in a way that satisfies her. Grant has not publicly spoken up about fandom racism or the misogyny directed against his costars. CNN and TIME etc. would need a lot more than a post from Candice or Anna to write up pieces meant to shame the racists. 

Well, reading all of that was draining. I'm glad CP doesn't require the support of others to stand up for herself. I'm disappointed that she is so often there alone fending for herself (on social media). I don't know what goes on BTS and don't care. It's like having your racist grandma around a POC..."she'll call you n-word but she's old and you know I'm not like that." "Can you just tell her not to call me that?" "Huh, oh no, she won't change, just ignore her, but I like you so its ok."

I’m sorry it was difficult to read. :( And I definitely understand that feeling of helplessness.

(1)Wow. I’m really srry ppl keep misconstruing what you were saying about the GG incident. Some fans seem to be getting VERY sensitive about this situation on his behalf. You were literally just stating facts. He has never publicly defended CP from the negativity she receives from fandom. He’s not obligated to do it, but it would be nice if he did. She clearly has his support BTS but that has little to no effect on negative fandom behavior. (2)GG publicly defending CP wouldn’t automatically make the racist misogynistic haters like her, but them knowing they would potentially catch a block from him would definitely curb the negativity thrown her way, & anyone who doesn’t think so really underestimates GG’s power in this fandom.

Thank you, love. And yes, that’s pretty much all I’m saying.

What was the AV club incident ? And the dm grant sent ? :)

Grant accidentally retweeted an article praising Flash S1 that said Candice’s Iris was the weak link and she should then be recast. He picked one fan to follow and DM his apology that he hadn’t actually read the whole thing and that he loves his whole cast, then deleted his retweet. AJK kept his retweet up despite backlash, meanwhile.

I think the wording is what's throwing some Anons off. You're not saying GG has never publicly supported CP cause we all know he has The support he gave RIR being one example. I think what's being said here is people wished he "called out" that racist part of the fandom. Like you said it's not an either/or situation. GG has shown CP support both publicly and BTS but in this one area some wished he did more. Doesn't make GG a bad person nor does it remove the love and support between him and CP

You’re probably right. And yes to everything you said!

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 4: “Tua supremacy babey” - Lily O

I GET TO REUNITE WITH JINX YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

me waking up to see that im in the new tribe: https://media.tenor.com/images/93212119a4887f9fa0ad945c7ae2a5d0/tenor.gif

tbh i expected the swap since like we have 14 rn so its a reasonable number to do a swap before the merge.. but like this swap sucks not only me being the only one from og eener but its also me having to be with these 4 whites ppl. you know i don't trust white ppl except mikki SDFSDFSDFSDF so this absolutely SUCKS. and geekoffilm is on another tribe too.

URGH i hope i can team up with jinx and jude. and joey and i used to play together in CoW so hopefully, i am able to make him want to work with me again.. but monty... monty is very skeptical cause like they could just vote me off now. BUT THEN, i know that either jinx or raffy has the idol for sure, so maybe i need to ask jinx for that. or i just ask the person who i'll be up against with in the tic tac toe to throw a challenge if they are the og eener too. 

much to think about bestie booth. i wanna trust these ppl so bad but i have trust issues

https://youtu.be/JrXnnD5KU0I

---

naur this is the plan if we go to council

imma be like joey

you are the only cis white man on the team

you have to go. 

you wanna be an ally?

THIS IS HOW!!!

so im pushing for u FEWEJFEEFJEFEIFEFIJW 

heS ALWAYS SAYING HE WANTS TO BE A BETTER ALLY

ALWAYS CALLING ME LIKE JINX IM SO SORRY

ILL BE LIKE FOR WHAT?? 

HE'S LIKE FOR BEING A WHITE CIS STRAIGHT MAN. 

IF UR REALLY SORRY ULL LEAVE!

I have to start this out by saying Giraffez, I’m so sorry! I tried my best but too many people wanted to keep us comp strong and wanted Lily O to stay. I really wish we would have had the chance to play longer together but sometimes it’s just not in the cards.

As far as swap goes, I’m really happy about my team. We have a majority from my original group which is pretty wild. I wish Chips was here and I really hope he makes it work somehow but I’m ngl I’m a little worried about him.

I was so so thrilled to see Jinx on Tua with me. I also have started talking with Captain and Jude. They both seem super nice so as always I’m hoping to avoid tribal once again.

I’d like to the think that original Llih (was that how you spelled it?) will stay together but Giraffez told me that Lily O told her that she was voting for me. Now obviously we all voted Giraffez but I think Lily O knows I was plotting. So. I hope we can stick together. But. Yeah. Your girl is worried. And excited. She is excited cause this group seems cool. But nervous because yeah I’m not ready for another vote out. Mkay. Bye.

This swap went pretty well for me all things considered. I still have a bunch of people from my OG Tribe, and the new people seem active and really nice! So, I like my tribe. Blake offered to me today to work together closely in the game which I am down for. The semi-inactive people need to stick together and all that lmao. Other than that, I am straight Vibing

Swap time! honestly its time to kick it into high gear and win this immunity challenge! make some real allies!

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD!!!!!! So I have arrived in a swapped team with 3 of my old members! SOOO happy Mikki is here firstly since we can discuss basically anything. Blake and Raffy im also cool with but not like as close with them. Maybe a bit more with Blake. Of the new people my fav is Chris !! Already liking our chats and hope it can turn more strategic later maybe!! Ricky is also cool and funny and chips I was allies with him in Kili which is cool but probably the weakest connection of the new people so far!! It looks like we are gonna lose and if so its kinda hard like on one hand we have easy majority to vote off idk probably chips or maybe ricky or we could go against tribal linesI think Blake truly does wanna work with me tho but is just busy. Like going against tribal lines is kinda fun but maybe dumb. And chips being the 1 in a 4-2-1 swap sucks too!! Idk kind of evaluating the vibe with Mikki and will see what we think later if we lose… we would probs be safe regardless being protected by tribal lines on one side and having developed sorta good vibes with Chris and Ricky from the other side so probs wouldn’t be targeted from that angle either?? Hopefully… I did have kind of a delayed start with the new people cuz of irl stuff but yah we will see!

My opinion on swap was initially sad because I was missing out on Jinx/Jude/Joey/Captain BUT then I realize I like this tribe?? Im with Ricky still, Mikki probably is sitting at the cookout as we spesk, Chips is lowkey goody but I got my eye on him, Benj and I bond over Agatha Christie <3, Blake I knew from TDI so we have been goofin like a Goofy movie, Raffy I actually enjoy that we chat of the most mundane things, and that's everybody! I think I have a chance to survive on this tribe

---

My thoughts are that I've got Ricky and Mikki at minimum. I know Mikki/Raffy got beef but I doubt they go for each other. Chips is like a level-headed Joey but I reckon one of him/Blake/Benj will be targeted if I had to guess. Nevertheless me and Captain talked during our matchup and exchanged info. My hope is me or Ricky are in Outhouse but I also hope not so we have higher odds to keep the goodies all goodie and safe

https://voca.ro/18WSqZznajDx

---

I LOVE JUDE

so idk where my last confessional left off but i think it was before tribal. so after tribal, jinx’s manifestations came true, we swapped, i ended up on a tribe with no one i knew except chris, so that was kind of…nnng. but hey, gotta roll with the punches. me and jinx were paired up for the challenge which game me a bit of time to talk with them, and they gave me some insight on ppl i didn’t really know on my tribe, and also they gave me a tarot reading, and it basically said that while i’m probably gonna have to deal with some bullshit, i just have to use everything i’ve learned to get over any obstacles, and stay calm and collected through it all. i’m really really praying for this one, since we just lost immunity, and now chris is going to the outhouse, i’m afraid that i’m truly all alone now. and if there’s one thing that scares me it’s being alone. i really like mikki tho, and i heard benj was good ppl. maybe if i let them know that raffy might have the half idol then maybe they’d be more inclined to work with me, but i also really enjoy raffy’s presence, so i don’t really want him to be a target. blake and i have had a good amount of dialogue so i’m hoping that he’d be willing to work with me, to be honest. ughhhhh why why why tribal. WHY TRIBAL. in all my years of playing tumble survivor i’ve never been sent to like…and exile or redemption island ONCE. not once….ever…. please god let me get to the outhouse just one time.

First of all, lemme just say I'm so amused by how quickly my chances of no-votes went RIGHT out the door. But also thank god that it went off without a hitch! And right before a swap, no less New tribe is definitely iconic. LOVE Jinx, Captain and Jude are cool too, and then my Llih buddies are also v nice to have (shoutouts monty and joey)

Tua supremacy babey

https://youtu.be/oP7DWOnmt40

https://youtu.be/Z3_pyWTdRh8

https://youtu.be/UFshPYJ98z0

hello confessional booth... i'm here to give you um. something i hope!!!! 

well since the swap, i feel like i've managed to fit in better than i expected cause ive been feeling under the weather and i don't rlly have energy to talk to anyone (which is so great that our tribe won this IC) but i rlly need to work on that more for sure..

joey wants to work with me.. like a lot. we worked together for a bit in CoW before he was voted out and he was a great ally to me back then so i think i can trust joey a little bit? and he rlly wants the pocs to go far so i think this is a good sign.

with jinx, we've been wanting to talk about the outhouse thing but jinx wants to call and i've been feeling sick so we haven't called but hopefully we can do that soon. i trust jinx a lot and i know they're gonna take care of me.

jude.. you know i like her since i saw her intro vid so yup gonna need to talk to her more!!!

lily c.. my fellow teacher pls SFSFSDFSD i enjoy our chat a lot like idt its much but every time we talk, with her, it just feels great and nice and like we just get to know each other so far so i hope we can talk game a bit more but we'll see

lily o.. we haven't talked since the day the swap happened. idk why. maybe she's busy or maybe i should dm her first so i think i'm gonna do that tmr my time if i have the energy.

and monty... PLEASE idk if i can trust monty or not. like he's a good friend of mine but my experience in orgs with them is that they tried to break the swp apart (which was smart but then mikki and i are both playing so gotta keep an eyes on them)

i'm just trying to feel good and hopefully recover soon cause i hate being sick. idk i'm scared of covid!!!!! but i haven't gone outside for a week or two methinks so we're gonna pray and see.

---

missing mikki and hope she will be fine

Blake suggested starting an OG Eneer alliance to Mikki and Benj. They took them up on the offer so I guess I am in my first alliance of the game based on arbitrary reasons. In any case, they seem to want to vote out Chips which is a RIP. But whatever keeps me safe for one more round.

I don’t have an obsession with the Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood sketch from SNL... No I clearly don’t... https://youtu.be/whfQf3Pd5bU

It’s my chronic overthinking in this swap that is going to do me in, I feel. It’s the pressure of having to actually think differently, and coming off of EVERYTHING I’ve seen in this community over the past 6 months, oh good Lord have mercy, I feel as though its so hard for me to want to not sacrifice my game, but at the same time... I feel all the pressure in the world to flip. I did have a lucid dream that if I got to a point where I consistently voted only white people at every Council, it would make my game look REALLY good by comparison, since I literally did everything I could, and no, I don’t want to hear anyone post season say this was rigged for Jinx, it’s not, we’re only going to go against each other down the road because of how this season has been set up, and it breaks my heart

https://photos.app.goo.gl/eSvSGkc4zmBfnYVP7

So here's some tea I suppose. I was a pretty big fan of the tribe swap because people talked more in general. This was particularly interesting considering their different timezones but continued ability to keep up conversation. It was pretty apparent that I was at a numbers deficit from my original tribe but my hope was that people didn't want to play like "that" and then if they did that my former tribe would throw it to keep the numbers. Apparently that is not true as Lily C went as hard as possible to win a challenge she could have convincingly thrown as an "accident" multiple times. At any rate, based on the total lack of communication with me concerning who I am voting it is evident that either the plan is to vote someone without telling me or that it is to vote me. This means that regardless of the situation I am in a terrible position and will be leaving sooner rather than later. I don't know that I've been swap screwed in the past (perhaps, I've been playing for too long) but it really stinks. 

For the TL;DR watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzftXB28gBE

 http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-no-sir.gif

As I'm writing this, I have a big gulp from... you guessed it... 7/11. I need to flip on one of the three of Monty, Lily O, and Lily C. My best option is going to vote for Lily O, I need Monty and Lily C to know I'm only doing this because yanno, things look awfully awful, and the pressure of making the right move and yet making sure I don't lose relationships is starting to get to me.

I also need them as shields because theyre the only winners in this game, and I need them here as shields for down the road heading into a merge.

I can't even believe I found TWOA IDOLS! I had to think a lot about who to give it too but I decided to do what felt like the smartest thing to do. Jinx and Captain already trust me and I enjoy Ricky but he gives semi chaotic energy. With that in mind, I had to give it to Jude as a sign of faith. Not only am I wanting her to do well, but I want to prove to her I legit want to work with her come merge 😊

https://youtu.be/vOn8Zsi0njA

https://youtu.be/UWTB-LYjbu0

for Chips: https://youtu.be/lSeDZdSEl4o

[trans-tony]

Don’t send me anons, thanks

Just wanna say my piece on the rdj drama under the cut

Above all my main sentiment here is that I don’t think bob or his family and friends (or fans, lookin at u tumblr) deserve verbal abuse and death threats from strangers online as response to his tasteless joke.

And that’s what it was, a poorly timed, tasteless joke. A mistake, not an attack. Obviously I’ve only seen transcriptions of his speech (which on the whole I loved), but in this matter I think it’s also important to know the context and nuance of the “joke”.

He had said it after praising the franchise for its blossoming diversity (and low key criticising the lateness of it, in 19 films and ten years, as I understood it), in regards to Black Panther being the first major motion picture to feature a black super hero and primarily black cast (as well as the up-coming first female lead Captain Marvel).

With this in mind, it’s obvious he didn’t have any malicious intentions with the joke. I mean the character he’s referencing was literally a (bad, don’t get me wrong) satirical joke criticising racist, self-absorbed white actors that think that they can play roles rightfully meant for POC. It also seemed to me that he was kind of making a self-aware jab at himself for the role? In context with the rest of what he said? But idk that^ is me making an inference based on bob’s nature, without knowledge of spoken nuance.

Anyway, I do think it was a shitty joke to make and he should’ve left that out since it kinda undermined what he had said previously imo (tho there’s no doubt the entirety of his speech was sincere and heartfelt). I think it’s ok to feel offended, or upset by the remark, and that this is acknowledged. What I don’t think is ok is the internet’s habit of immediately being like “hmmm you did a Bad? Lemme just @ u about how u and everyone u know should rot in hell, and i’m going to pick at x,y, z about you-” the minute something like this happens. And in tumblr’s case, sending this shit to other blogs!!!

Acknowledging things like this is important but it shouldn’t be met with legitimate harassment towards anyone

[flyingcookierambles]

hhh

got afab’d at the eye doctor today arrgh

i wouldve corrected him but like. i doubt that ill go there again since it was like a super quick kinda-non emergency thing and i have a regular eye doctor i go to. also my mom was in the room and like. i didnt wanna bring it up with her there and all but like. uugh.

he just like immediately picked female on the gender option even tho there was an other option and everything wtf?????????????

hmmm also i had to go to the doctors for a quick check up/physical thing since im/my mom is going to make me get my drivers license and you have to have a doctors note and all and i went to my moms doctor or the first time since i aged out of my pediatrician. and like? they had me and my mom in the same room which was kinda weird???? like for the whole patient confidentiality thing (which wouldve been useless since like my mom knows more abt my medical history than me) and like also the whole. pandemic thing??? like?? it was me, my mom, and the nurse practitioner crammed into a tiny basic exam room?? maybe bc my mom has been going to this doctors’ office for a long time and also since we’re family, they must’ve figured taht we both dont have covid and couldnt spread it to each otehr like other random patients who are strangers to each other but still. it was. annoying.

the nurse asked me some questions about like my medical history. and all and i couldnt answer some of it bc i dont remember exact dates/times and stuff. but also she asked if i had been diagnosed with depression or anything and like if my mom wasnt in the room, i wanted to say that my mom wont let me see a therapist and/or be diagnosed. 

so like when i turned 18 i had a final check up at my former pediatrician before they kicked me out of the system lol. i am p sure that it was for shots and stuff that i needed for college???

anyways despite being 18, they had my mom in the room with me the whole time. and then they gave me a worksheet that was a basic “do you have depression” test. and the doctor left, but my mom was allowed to stay??? 

and like. since i was starting college and stuff at the time, and also was/am causing my lower middle class family great financial hardship in the form of college tuition and student loans with predatory interest rates and increasing the chances of losing our house bc, with the combo of my dad dying and the recession of the early 2000′s and general declining quality ever since earlier mentioned death, our family business sucks and we barely make any money. also my mom keeps complaining about this to me and it constantly hangs over my head and i feel guilty about being a dumbass who cant get a job and repay the stupid loans (how tf is interest rates on student loans legal??? fuck capitalism????) (uuughghgh i feel like my mom should get herself a therapist or smth instead of constantly complaining to her eldest agab child uuuhghghghgh. id make one of those eldest d*ughter jokes but im not a g*rl so eldest child lol)

anyways yeah so like 4 years ago when i was starting college and also today to a degree i felt like a massive piece of shit and had social anxiety and also probably depression that is only kept at bay by constantly distracting myself with anime and video game. and like. maybe??? i couldve benefited from talking to a therapist or counselor or getting medication????? instead of?? like?? whatever my obsession with anime and video games is???

buuuuuuut since the pediatrician let my mom stay in the room for some reason, my mom, a boomer who knows nothing of mental health and is kinda insensitive about it so its super cringe to talk to her abt stuff, was like “you’re not depressed. youre a middle class kid who’s never like starved or whatever. just answer 1 on everything.” (the scale of depression was like 1 - not feeling depressed much to 5 - i feel like this everyday.)

so yeah????? 

wow sorry doctor i cant answer half your questions about my medical history bc im either adopted and dont know my own genetics or my mom wont let me get tested for mental illness?????????????

once at 2018 or 19 tekko, i wanted to go into the dnd room and like i got so socially anxious i had a crying breakdown in the freaking hallway and had to like. sit down alone and try to look normal by playing my 3ds on the floor. like i hovered outside the door to the dnd room for a whole hour just like staring in and wanting to go in really badly but i couldnt???? i just???? cried????? in public????????? had a breakdown or something at an anime convention??????????????? i like dont even know what the heck happened 2 years ago or if that’s what it would be called but like????????? im pretty sure that mentally healthy people with no social anxiety problems dont stand outside a room for half an hour and then start crying bc you cant bring yourself to go into the room even tho the door is like wide open?????????? thankfully i finally just like went in and joined a the last game session of the day, but it was still like surreal to me?????? i just??? extremely loathed myself for like an hour for crying and not being able to walk thru a doorway it was so weird i felt like absolute garbage and im p sure that normal ppl dont go thru that??????

since i only make like. $11 an hour at a retail job im not really sure if i can even afford a therapist, and then theres also transportation and also the whole pandemic thing. but ive been thinking about like 7cups or something. there was also this other website that showed you therapists that were uniquely qualified for treating poc/queer/neurodivergent/etc., ppl in your area and there was surprisingly a few in the pittsburgh area that i could probs get to by bus, so maybe ill save money and go like. next year or something. or like. whenever the pandemic is over.