#i dont want to be angry all the time anymore but its like beating back a fire with a wet stick

[elemental-daddy-neos]

Me: Yaaay people like me when I am silly :D they do Not like me when I am angry

Yuya Sakaki ass thoughts

[badomensgoodomens]

Just Pretend

noah sebastian x reader (fluff)

( request stories/scenarios in my asks!!!!)

Noah had spent hours trying to get over you. you were his best friend, he didn't want to taint that.

he was slowly reaching breaking point, almost angry at the fact you were consuming his every being.

he released his anger on songs, and punching bags, however it quickly turned to sorrow.

the reasoning behind that, was these dates you were going on. they left you heartbroken and in despair by the end of the night. the whole band lived together, including your manager, and the walls weren't exactly thick enough to drown out your anguished cries.

it was after a very specific evening, he lost it.

your date had hurt you, a nasty bruise on your upper arm.

folio, whom he'd confided in multiple times, had to send him out, concerned he'd do something violent.

he came back, late at night, knocking softly on your door. you wipe your tears with your sleeve, your eyes puffy.

"come in.."

the door clicks open, he walks in.

he looks..

sweaty.

ew.

he shuts the door behind him, taking a deep breath in.

"are you okay?"

his voice is quiet, almost scared to hear the answer. you sniffle,

"y-yeah.."

he crosses the room, pulling you into a tight hug. "i'm sorry."

you shake your head, looking up at him.

"why are you saying sorry...?"

he looks down at you fondly, wiping your tears with the pads of his thumb.

"nobody is treating you the way you deserve, y/n."

you sniffle,

"i uhm..."

he clears his throat.

"i have a song to show you."

you wipe your tears, looking up at him with raised eyebrows. he takes your hand, leading you to his room. he sits you down in his chair, placing his headphones on your head. you watch as he presses play on an audio file labelled 'Just Pretend'

its a rough, acoustic version. something in earlier production. you take in his somber voice, and the lyrics.

you look up at him, wide confused eyes.

"is this.... who is this about?"

he goes a little shy, biting his cheeks anxiously.

"uhhh.... you..?" he answers, a little hesitant.

your eyes well up with tears.

"you wrote a song about me..?" you ask, affection racing through your veins, but you were also terrified.

"its you. its always been you." he whispers, taking your hands. he closes his eyes. you panic, why was he acting like this?

"youre all i fucking think about, its pathetic.I can't pretend i dont love you anymore. i tried not to indulge these thoughts, i tried to leave you alone. you're my bestfriend. i don't ever want that to change. and if i can't have you, id like to atleast let nick know i tried." his words are desperate, he clings to you like a lifeline.

your eyes are wide.

noah loves you.

noah loves YOU

NOAH loves you

noah LOVES you.

you swear your heart stops beating for a second. his words echo continuously through your mind. you almost didn't believe it.

"you love me..?"

your voice is timid and shy, a testament to the immense emotions playing through your head.

he pulls your head closer to his, resting his forehead against yours. his touch so gentle. he cares for you, more than hed like to admit.

"ofcourse i fuckin do, i fucking love you and its killing me."

you gulp. was this real?

"i-... uh..."

he cringes. almost flinching back.

"if you don't like me back we can pretend this never happene-"

panic courses through you, your only response is to pull him in for a tight hug. he hesitates, unsure of what this means.

"youre kidding.. tell me you're joking." you mutter.

he relaxes within seconds, squeezing you extra tight.

you pray he says the words you've been begging to hear for the past 4 years of friendship.

"im in love with you, and if you'll have me, id like to treat you the way you deserve."

--------------------------------------------

that is how you find yourself squealing in nicks room.

"oh my god nick!!!! ahhhhH!!! he asked me out!!!!"

nick laughs, noticing how oblivious you are to noah, whos leaning against the door frame, arms crossed.

eventually he chuckles, which makes you yelp. you throw a pillow in his direction, incredibly embarassed.

he chuckles again, crossing the room. he pulls you into his arms, his fingers digging into your side. you throw your head back in giggles, squirming. he hugs you tightly, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

"you're so sweet, baby."

you flush, not used to a nickname.

nick groans, regretting his endorsement of noahs confession.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

gang im trynna make these longer but my fingers are crampingggg

i wrote this in 20 minutes (i do this for all my drafts HAHA)

im not gonna edit this cause im lazy but enjoy cuties!!

give me ur feedback (but don't be mean im sensitive HAHA)

[yeondollie]

ʙᴀᴍ ʏᴀɴɢ ɢᴀɴɢ ౨ৎ ♡ .ᐟ

'i closed the chapter on the days we spent together.'

. . warnings ; ANGST .ᐟ, breaking up, argument, fem reader, taehyun is kinda mean, crying, heartbreak, reader is needy, taehyun gets annoyed of reader, just over all sad ecfhuehfusih !!

a/n ; i have been listening in bam yang gang on repeat its so so so good but so sad :(. the beat is so adorable and so is bibi i love her sm sm but the song is so sad and as soon as i heard it i thought about making a story with it . this is just a drabble so i dont have a word count sorry :< anyways, enjoy !! ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

"why do you want so much out of me? can i have some peace and quiet to myself? god.." here we were again. arguing with taehyun was getting more and more common, though you hated it. taehyun knew you were a sensitive person and didn't like conflict but you were just pissing him off lately.

you didn't know what to say really. though you were only trying to check up on him after work, he wasn't having it. "it's like you're attached to my hip, truly." you suck in the tears in your eyes as he says this. you didn't wanna fight, you just wanted to please him in any way you could.

"yes i-i.. i'll give you time. i’m sorry." you say, tearing still welling in your eyes. this, for some reason, set taehyun off completely. why couldn’t you stand up for yourself? it was pathetic in his eyes. “see! thats why im upset. you’re like a doormat- you get walked all over, it’s pathetic.” he scoffs, letting out a small laugh even.

holding the tears back, about to flow, you mutter out some words. “you’re r-right, i’m s-sorry.” you sniffle a bit, looking up at the ceiling to avoid the tears falling out of your eyes. you’ve never felt more pathetic in your life, it was such a horrible feeling. taehyun didn’t seem phased at all, walking up and getting in your face.

“so thats it? sorry? you think thats gonna fix everything?” he says, his face only inches from yours. it was weird, usually when he was this close he would be kissing you or looking at you longingly but no. not this time, not anymore. the only time he looked at you was with lust or anger behind his eyes.

it felt like the two of you would only have sex or only argue, it was tiring- so tiring. he used to hold your cold hand in his own warm hand. he used to kiss your forehead and play with your hair, what happened? the tears flickered down your cheek as you answered him. “t-tyun i.. i don’t know what else to d-do.” now quickly wiping your own tears.

when he realizes you’re crying, he doesn’t bat an eye. its like all his love for you was drained from his heart- you hated it so much. “you know what _____? we’re done. i cant fucking do this with you anymore. you’re just so.. so needy and dumb!” he raises his voice, now watching you flinch in front of him.

you didn’t even have the energy to stop him, watching him with blurry eyes. watching how much he changed over the span of you two dating was shocking and saddening to you. oh how you longed for the sweet taehyun you once had.

before he could exit your house, forever saying bye to him you did one last thing. “taehyun..?” you whisper, not even having the energy to talk loudly. “what?” he whips back at you. you grab his school name tag he gave you, when he first confessed his feelings for you when the two of you were still in high school.

grabbing his name tag, along with your own- you walked up to him gently. you placed your name tag in his hand, looking into his angry eyes. “so you can remember me, you promised me you’d never forget me right?”

his eyes flickered with sympathy one final last time.

[mumpsetc]

Genuinely Asking, (Not sarcastically! This ask comes across as bitchy unintentionally But Im genuinely asking) what do you think the themes of ii are. What the purpose of the story is. Im utterly confused by what you take from each episode. What You analyze and what you don't. Even more so how you think this obvious trick 'ending' Is good at all for the story theyre telling.

Because It feels as though you deeply misunderstand What ii is going for. What its supposed to be. Especially since you called the Relationships petty and useless? Or how you call s3 unimportant (I dont prefer s3 at all, i dislike it in fact. im a huge s1 fan. But to call it uninteresting Is confusing Now that we know what we know.)

So Im curious, What Do You think ii IS about. Why you think adam and justin and brian spent 13 years on this passion project. Because if it was for money, like you've said, why not animate for a Youtube Content farm. Why bother working on this and keeping a plot twist hidden since 2013. Why Would you go into the animation industry specifically siting II as inspiriation for it.

Not what YOU think ii should be about. You've talked about that plenty of times. What IS ii about. What Is the story trying to tell. What is the common Story beats between every single ii contestant, Civilian, and Host.

Now This is an Interesting Ask, and Thank You for Asking It I Enjoy Thinking About Stuff Like This. I Will Be Getting Personal in Response Because I Think This Ask Deserves as Much

To Address a Few Things Off the Bat: I Am a Very VERY Biased Source for a Multitude of Reasons. I Have Been Watching the Show For 8 Years and In That Time Have Picked Up a Lot of Personal and Fandom Related Baggage So I Have a Hard Time Looking at a Character Like Fan Without 8 Years of Feelings Towards Him. Also @ Your S3 Point, I've Actually Been Rewatching Recently to Properly Contextualize It in the Story as Well as View It as a Finished Product. I'm Only 3 Episodes Into That So I Can't Say Much on That Front Currently Other Than a Lot of My Older Opinions on It are Outdated and Also Made When I Was Very Very Angry Haha!

Finally on the General Disclaimers Thing, My Taste in Media is Really Weird in Part Because Inanimate Insanity. I Was Into ii From 13-15 and Then 17-Now. When I Got Back Into it at 17 I Made the Decision to Start Watching Movies and Reading More Books Because I Didn't Want to Limit Myself to ii and Stagnate in My Tastes. This Resulted in Me Seeing a Lot of Things Professionally Known as "Huge Fucking Bummers" and Generally Preferring Bittersweet or Unhappy Endings.

I Like the Fake Ending Because That's What I Typically Enjoy Across the Board. ii Having an Everyone Dies and Mephone Loses Everything End is What Appeals to Me and My Own Interpretation of the Series So I'm Happy. It Might Be Vapid and Emotionally Base But ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I Think I'm Allowed As Much.

To Answer Your Actual Question Though, I Think The Themes of ii are

Existing in a Place Like ii is Damaging for Yourself and Others and Takes a Toll on Your Interpersonal Relationships

An Allegory for Being an Artist in General

There's a Few Others Floating Around Like "Forgiveness" and "What's Real on ii?" But These are the Two I Think are the Most Present and Effect Everything, and I Vastly Prefer the First Over the Second. I Think The First Encourages Interesting Character Dynamics and is At Play With Several of My Favorite Characters (Suitcase, Cabby, Apple, Marshmallow, Paintbrush). The Artist Thing Was Always There But I Just Never Really Cared for How They Executed It.

I Get What the Story Is Going For and Can Probably Atleast Make a Ballpark Swing at It's Ending. Its Steven Universe/Pixar Influences are Worn On Its Sleeve and I Get the Point I Do I Do I Do I Promise But I Just Don't Care for That Sort of Thing Anyways. Is That Unfair Towards ii? Yeah.

On Why I Think ABJ Made This? I Can't Say. I Try to Avoid Speculating on Them or Their Intentions Anymore Because I Think the OSC Treats the 3 of Them Very Strangely and I Don't Want to Be Involved With That. I Disagree With Your Sentiment That You Can't Milk a Passion Project for Money and I'll Leave It at That.

Finally, You Asked Why I Cite ii as an Artistic Inspiration Despite How Much I Dislike It. This is Funny Timing Actually, It's My Senior Year in College And We Had to Do an Assignment Breaking Down Why We Animate At All and I Did Talk About Inanimate Insanity for Mine (For 20 Minutes Too). It's a Show That Means a Lot to Me Because It Has Had an Immense Influence on the Direction My Life Has Taken. It's a Very Right Place Right Time Situation for Me and No Amount of Logic Can Override My Very Emotional Outlook on ii.

I've Been Such a Long Time Fan and I Got So Much Wrapped Up in This Goddamn Cartoon and That's Why I Talk About It, I Got a Lotta Thoughts After 8 Years. I Can Admit a Warped Perspective But This is a Casual Thing I Do for Fun, and I Trust Everyone Reading My Blog to Be Smart Enough to Come to Their Own Conclusions.

[house-on-sand]

this song gives me jason vibes lowkey

dude

this IS jason vibes thank you (apparently id heard this song before but never knew the title or anything? so double thanks bc i like it a lot)

theres so much here that screams jason to me i fear this may turn into a long post 😔

"all the things you told me where they meaningless? i needed to know" <- jason and his thoughts abt like. his place in bruce's life yknow? especially with the whole good soldier thing i think. just wanting to know if he was cared about, if that stuff was real, or if it meant nothing and he really was just another soldier in batman's mission.

"told you i ain't mad, so let's stop before we crash / cause i don't wanna run anymore" <- DUDE this is so utrh coded specifically what do you mean!!! it's like his whole speech there!! nd the whole confrontation!!!! & that confrontation does signal the end of jason's running!! bc he's back in gotham and he's finally at the big finish of his plan!! this line drives me insane bc i can see it so clearly in like an edit or something. bc it works so well to me.

"cause you know i wear my heart on my sleeve" <- THIS ONE IS REAL TO ME AND REAL IF U UNDERSTAND JASON AS A CHARACTER AT ALL I SWEAR! LISTEN! YES HES CLOSED OFF AND SHIT BUT HE DOES! SHOW HOW HURT HE IS AND HOW ANGRY AND THIS JUST MAKES SENSE TO ME BC JASON IS SUCH AN EMOTIONAL PERSON N NOT EVERYONE SEES THAT! HE FEELS THINGS SO BIG! ND HES NOT ALWAYS AS GOOD AT HIDING IT AS HE THINKS! NOT EVEN RELATED REALLY BUT IT REMINDS ME THAT JASON IS AN ANGRY CRIER!!! IVE GOT SO MANY THOUGHTS I CANT PUT INTO WORDS ABT JASON TODD AND EMOTIONS!

"you'd be praying on my downfall with each and every phone call / just to see if i'd stay away / you and i could never break this never-ending focus of seeing who could keep playing games" <- very rhato 2016 to me. specifically like around #25 & the annual n stuff. idk if anyone else will see the vision or if it's just smth in my head that makes sense but yknow. bc rhato #25 is the big batman and red hood fight that ends with jason leaving gotham with roy and at the time he's pretty much Banned from gotham bc he'd broken the rules (not really) and batman made it clear that if he did that there'd be no more red hood, jason wouldn't be allowed to do as he wished anymore and all that shit. the whole stay away part is very much abt how jason is sort of Banned and stays out of gotham for awhile. idk can't articulate this one as well

"you lie through your teeth, feels so incomplete / wait for your story to take you too deep / and i call out your name" <- THE FIRST PART IS THE VICTIM BLAMING NARRATIVE AROUND JASON’S DEATH!!! THAT EVEN JAY WILL ADD ONTO BC NO ONE BLAMES JASON TODD FOR HIS DEATH MORE THAN HE DOES!!! U CANT CHANGE MY MIND!! BUT SERIOUSLY EVEN FROM A META POINT ITS ABT HOW EVERYONE ACTS LIKE ITS ALL JASON’S FAULT HE DIED BC HE WAS RECKLESS N SHIT ND MAYBE HE WAS A LITTLE BUT ITS NOT HIS FAULT! IT IS IN NO WAY HIS FAULT HE DIED! HE DIDNT TURN HIMSELF OVER TO THE JOKER AND HE DIDNT BEAT HIMSELF OR BLOW HIMSELF UP! IT WASNT HIS CHOICE TO SUFFOCATE BC OF ALL THE SMOKE HE WAS INHALING!! HE WAS JUST A KID!! AND HES TREATED LIKE THIS CAUTIONARY TALE IN UNIVERSE SO OTHER ROBINS (MAINLY TIM AT FIRST) KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DONT FOLLOW ORDERS!! JASON DIED AND WAS TURNED INTO AN EXAMPLE! ITS ALL FUCKED UP!

then the calling out your name part is so. it's so evocative of the panels of jason in his grave waking up and realising he's trapped and calling out for bruce!!! it's so. it's got me fucked up

this is a very jason song to me now

[sleepyinteractions]

♠️Response to this @/tricks-n-illusions♠️

TW DISTURBING IMAGERY

Lady stood there for a moment after witnessing the death of Calamity, or at least she assumed the spirit was dead thanks to it fading away. Her gaze returned to the fox, thinking quietly to herself as she didn't move an inch away from Silas, seemingly staring into the emotionless mask.

"May she rest in most beautiful garden ever..." She almost bowed her down in respect keeping her hand up to her chest closely as she once more returned gaze to the fox in fact not intimidated by the threats. "You think I am going to squirm and scream too?" She asked bluntly before tilting her head to the other side - she has dealt with enough in her life to answer Silas in face too as she pointed to him back with her small finger a joy in voice escaping her - she moved her hands behind her back to appear more innocent by body language

"Trust me - I ALSO have taken down bigger foxes than you, pup." She said the nickname out of spite - her words we're dripping like venom almost from the fake sweet tone

"You reek of someone who really wants to be loved - something like a rose... Who is so beautiful and wants to be loved by everyone yet you prick anyone that picks you up just to keep yourself safe..."She scoffed, tilting her head to the side now. "And look how that got you here—killed another who tried to help you out and reedem themselves in your eyes..." she stopped the vine from moving any further just making the thorns dig into the foxes skin

"Its funny how creatures like you think that if you will kill the questions - it'll go away like nothing every happened almost like it got…erased…" she said in a fake thoughtful voice tapping her chin for the added act "but yet you get oh so angry when they come in even higher numbers asking same questions - like all the heavy duty job you did before didn't even matter huh?" she said now letting out a sigh dropping the act she simply opened her hands in a shrug as the vines in same beat let go of the fox

Dropping Silas on the ground now as Lady stood now looking down on him instead as she ironically ducked down now tilting her head to the side as a toothly grin manifested back on her face

"You still want to arrange stuff? Time and place? Because I didnt even ask you the question in first place but you killed the spirit who had to answer it." She said mockingly hearing no answer from him the flower sighed as she looked to him "But I dont mind having a little... talk with you ~ " "Well... sadly...I'll take that as my leave-" she finally got up now almost her whole act dropped as she didnt actualy want to bother anymore as her eyes still wandered for moment to Calamity as she let out a sad sigh So much death followed her even if it wasnt her universe

Silas has made a impression of Lady Ombre

[enkvyu]

Nothing makes sense anymore I think gege forgot how to write good chapters people say gege killed gojo to make the story move but that doesnt make any sense after sukuna turned back to his og body and on top of that now he can basicaly cut the world how can others beat him non of them are on gojos level I shouldve stop reading jjk after shibuya it's emotional torture at this point

(Thinking about this making me angry my English is dead at this point)

NO SRSLY ANON i dont want to sound like im above gege bc he has experience writing stories and he has been going at it for years but what . is he thinking 😭😭

if THE STRONGEST cannot get sukuna at his weakest form what are the hopes that anyone else ever could ??? the whole reason why no one jumped in during gojo v sukuna was bc they knew they would only get in the way and die (lol) . going at sukuna one at a time ??? it wasnt even hakari and kashimo teaming up like MAYBE they stood a chance but they decided to split up ?? and now sukunas in his god mode or wtv and the chances r lower than ever

which is why im partly hopeful that gojo will resurrect bc i sincerely can’t reason another character succeeding in killing sukuna .

honestly the radio silence from yuuji is the only thing giving me hope bc he IS the main char after all . him being casted aside in all this should not come without a well thought out plot related reason. i will actually call it quits if there isn’t a scheme behind all this . i mean its the final battle, the last arc!! (unless it isnt but do we srsly see a future where readers will care abt another arc w the last remaining chars) there has to be one more trick up gege’s sleeve (praying its gojo coming back LOL)

one last thing bc this is getting long (oops) but i’m disappointed in yuuji’s character arc. gege definitely sacrificed his arc for gojo’s involvement w the plot and if we get dumped w yuuji lore all of a sudden i actually would not be able to find it in me to care . im gonna say it thats cheap fucking writing 😭😭 i rlly do not want to seem like ik what im talking abt considering gege is a mangaka and im js a fanfic writer but LORD

ig im js curious to see how gege will turn this back on us bc . he better

btw ur eng is perfectly fine anon!! emotional torture is definitely how its been lately .. but i have Hope

[aromanticannibal]

mha characters physical headcanons (does that even make sense idk im french). this is in absolutely no order im just popping these up as I go

shouto is blind on his burnt side, the good ol headcanon. his eyes is a very dull blue

shinsou has a scar across his face from forster parents putting muzzles on him

bakugou is hard of hearing

aizawa has a single tattoo and it's a cat sleeping on a cloud

mic has a shit ton of tattoos including but not limited to : a matching tattoo of a cat meowing on a cloud, a lot of clouds, aizawa's goggles and capture weapon, music notes and partitions of his favorite songs, his own hero name, etc

midnight is tall as shit, shes taller than aizawa. mic is only 1cm taller than her but she wears heels all the time so she's still taller. she loves to tease people about it

I know it's just a funky thing horikoshi does to his characters sometimes but shinsou is actually one of the only people in the show to have white pupils. people's eyes mimic his pupils when shinsou brainwashes them.

aizawas hair is really thick and curly, but he takes terrible care of it.

on the topic of aizawas hair, sometimes it floats a bit when he's flustered, surprised, angry, excited etc

shinsou's hair just does that. it stands on its own and it's terrible and shinsou used to hate it but he comforts himself thinking it kinda looks like aizawas.

midoriya and mina are blasian i am right

mina has vitiligo

kaminari has a bunch of lighting shaped scars. also he's south asian and brown skinned because I said so

this is literally just how I edit hori's sketches now lmao (cough cough @lunejump)

iidas legs are fucking covered in scars and he refuses to say how he for them

ochako's cheeks are naturally really pink.

ochako's has chubby muscle dad bod vibe kinda. she'll beat the shit out of you anyway. she's also super small and wears discreet platform shoes sometimes

tsuyu's skin is just straight up green. I really just want her to be more frog like lmao. she got frog eyes too. toad skin in places with the little bumps and shit. also she's autistic I KNOW I SAID PHYSICAL HEADCANONS BUT SHH

dabi desperately needs glasses. he also has terrible dry eye because of the whole no tear duct situation, so in general he just doesn't see shit. he pays a lot fo attention to noise because of that.

dabi's hair is very fluffy and thick naturally, but dying it (+yknow the burning) made it really damaged (its why it's spikier than when he was young)

toga has a bunch of vampire features, notably : glowing eyes, pointy ears, the good ol' fangs, naturally sharp nails, pale ass skin from being sensible to sunlight, etc. she really likes garlic tho dont get her wrong

toga also got tattoos at some point, not a lot tho cuz she started only a bit after joining the league. she has : a lot of hearts, a bat, couple of knifes, "stainy <3" (she did this one by herself so it's a bit wobbly). she wants to get tattoos that ressemble her friends from the league, especially for twice, magne, dabi and shiggy.

mic has piercings. obviously. he has nipple piercings (listen im just a man), a nose ring (he doesn't wear it when doing hero work), a bunch of ear piercings, and an eyebrow one.

when they were in high school, mic got aizawa to get snake bites. aizawa stopped wearing them somewhere in his 20s so they closed back, and mic is constantly trying to get him to get them redone.

midnight prolly has matching nipple piercings with mic honestly they'd do that

shigaraki's hair is surprisingly soft because kurogiri makes him take care of it. when kurogiri gets arrested, his hair starts to get more tangled because no one brushes it anymore.

fuyumi, rei and dabi have the same hair type (wavy, thick fluffy hair)

shinsou stays pretty skinny no matter how much he muscles up. he has a fast metabolism and struggles to take on weight

aizawa is so fucking hairy its terrible

mic's mustache is like that because it's the only thing he manages to grow

mic's hair is like the opposite of aizawa's. it's straight and stringy, and its pretty damaged despite mic's efforts to take care of it because of all the hair gel

bakugou has heavy acne on his face and back, which is why he takes very good care of his skin. he doesn't really care if people think it's ugly, he just doesnt want it to hurt like a bitch

hagakure is really pale because the sun technically never really touches her skin. her eyes and hair are a weird pale color for a similar reason. not like anyone sees it much though.

MOMO IS TRANS MOMO IS TRANS I AM RIGHT. she was able to transition early on thanks to her parents acceptance and money.

momo is a bit chubby and taller than most of the boys in the class. she's never shy about eating a lot, especially since its what makes her quirk work, and she tends to get really hungry after using it a lot.

jirou often gets overwhelmed because of how much she can hear. think of dolores from encanto she can hear a lot.

her earjacks are really sensible too, but she doesn't really have anything to protect them.

jirou's irises are a very bright red.

hatsume is blasian, she has pink dreads

her arms are pretty muscly from working a lot on heavy stuff. she also has a lot of different scars on her hands and some on her face from her lack of care for safety

concerning shouto, the carpet does match the drapes. he isn't that hairy tho.

shouto has a couple of burn and frostbite scars on his arms from training too much. the burn ones are older, since he didn't use his flames for a long time.

shinsou is the type of pale thats so pale you can kinda see veins under the skin. he calls himself a corpse pretty often. it's also why his eyebags are so visible.

mirko is probably albino tbh (this is 100% inspired by that one edit)

while bakugou's palms are always super hot and sweaty, midoriya's are very cold for no reason.

midoriya bites his nails and the skin around them, often 'til it bleeds, so his fingers are. in a state (im just calling myself out at this point lmao)

mic has heterochromia and is hard of hearing

all might's eyes weren't blue before he got ofa. I like to think ofa modifies the user's appearance a bit, notably with the eyes. all might's eyes changed so luch because he went from no quirk to mastering ofa.

midoriya's eyes are very green naturally but when he uses ofa a lot, there's a blue tint as well (think the overhaul fight)

kirishima's hair must be so fucking damaged man. his hair is naturally black but he dyes it a very bright color, so he probably needs to bleach it a lot. it's probably permanent dye too since he wants to keep it like that, and he probably dyes his roots often too. plus the hair gel. he probably went through the elastic hair pain

bakugou's eyes are an orangey red, while kirishima's are blood red.

similar to all might and midoriya, aoyama's eyes became that bright sparkly blue when he got gifted his quirk. they're probably kinda glittery looking. his eyes were probably brown originally

kendo has stretch marks and some scars on her hands from them changing size so often. it doesn't really hurt tho.

shinsou probably had braces at some point

kaminari has a tooth gap

sero is part latino. he has brown eyes also.

sero's skin gets sticky sometimes. he hates it because people think he's dirty. It's really just a side effect of his quirk.

because I'm trypophobic I refuse to think sero has holes in his elbows. his tape is probably a sort of extension of his skin, and the weird shape in his elbows are here to help produce the thing.

denki has an eyebrow piercing

shinsou's eyes glow slightly when he's using his quirk, but it's not that noticeable.

aizawa's eyes glow yellow (like in the manga because I love yellow). otherwise his irises are completely black. it's unnerving

aizawa actually isnt that silent when he speaks, unless he's trying to. he has a big voice.

mic is actually very silent when he wants to because he's used to controlling the volume of his voice. also, he's very good at doing weird shit with his voice.

similarly, shinsou is very good at mimicking voices and sounds. he struggles a bit with high voices because his voice is naturally deep, but he's good at imitating birds and cats. he can purr also because I said so.

im losing inspiration unfortunately. feel free to share ur headcanons in the tags or in reblogs (even if they go against mine it's fine lmao). have a good day

[riptide98]

i’ve been working on a scu fic (but at least the ceiling’s very pretty/baltcvp) for like over a year now (the og vers of the first 4 chapters are on my og ao3 acc) and i got bored and made up lore in my bathroom taking a fat shit and then i wrote it down and im really proud of it tbh!!

lmk if this needs any warnings or anything it’ll be below the cut if anyone wants any context to points jus ask me i dont have access to the actual fic doc rn but i rember things

first. the mortal/god stuff.

the reason why their bodies are all at first mortal is the residual imbalance from grizz being dead. in this sort of “au” ig idk, when one god of a pantheon (i.e grizz) dies (which is VERY rare and usually only happens when one god takes out another, i.e bebo shooting him) there’s an imbalance in the world, so the divinity of the others begins to lessen until they’re mortal again. but, as they’re all reunited and grizz is somehow revived, which i’ll get to later, that divinity begins to return to them all

and on the topic of the reunion and grizz’s revival....

it’s a mystery until the end (even after they get charlie back) how they all are back at molympus. but since im god and i wrote this lore bit, i can say it now ^_^

some backstory:

after the boys beat the game, their divinity slowly left them until they were mortal to keep that aforementioned balance. the world became godless, but the people survived, praying to the gods of old (the boys) and believing they could still help (they cant). charlie....is a story for another paragraph, bizly became a recluse and chose to hide in the forests and nature almost to torture himself (grizz was the god of nature and bizly was the one who killed him so), and condi dedicated himself to finding out how to bring grizz back so the world could gain its gods again.

charlie was whisked away by schlart to be readied for the next story ^_^ simce he’s the main character after all :3 anyways hes not relevant

since the world began to crumble in on itself without its gods, thus starts 100 days. schlatt brings charlie in to carry out his final story, but the other two, who are still alive, don’t realize until he shows up again

bizly realized how different charlie was the second he saw him even from a distance, almost miraculously recognizing him, and decided to make a new persona so he wouldn’t have to act like he knew him. he’d been hurt enough by charlie and his distance and his disappearance that he didn’t want to have to try and jog his obviously lost or repressed memory. he left him in the end because he just couldn’t face him anymore. he hated how he looked at him with no recognition despite looking basically the same, maybe just with shaggier hair, sounding the same, just with a slight accent for the bit, being the same. so he left. he was so blinded by anger and frustration that he couldn’t even be fully aware of charlie’s differences and issues.

though he did come back and fight by charlie’s side, in the end. he still cared that much.

condi, on the other hand, almost didn’t recognize charlie by the time he found him. he’d been so beat up and coated in dirt and grime that he was almost unrecognizable. charlie always kept in tiptop shape, so if condi hadn’t recognized the slimes on him he probably would barely realize who he was. plus, his voice was so fucked up due to the haze in the air and still apparent years of disuse that he didn’t even sound himself. where bizly was angry, condi was concerned. condi was genuinely worried at first, but then his focus shifted back to his projects almost unnervingly quickly when he was asked of them.

though he did sacrifice his life to save charlie’s, in the end. he still cared that much.

grizz is dead as hell LMAOAOAOAOAO

after day 100, bizly was the only god of the pantheon alive. still using his florida man persona as basically a coping mechanism at this point, saddled with these two random mortals, one of whom disturbingly reminded him of grizz, he was frustrated. done. he wanted his life back. his friends back. his divinity back.

and one day he woke up back on molympus.

how, you ask? bizly’s frustration, his anger, his grief, it all bottled up in him alongside the last dregs of divinity left in their realm. basically, the world follows the stability of its gods, and since bizly was the last god left, when he broke, so did the world. when the world broke, it killed him in the process.

the death of the gods, with nobody left to be able to channel their divinity, ended the world.

but, like in minecraft, you can always make a new one.

bizly, in his state, accidentally created a new world and revived all four of the gods of old. which lines up, because he was always the healer. the god of life, being the last one to have it.

the god of life, being able to restore it.

now, to clarify charlie’s whole situation.

when he was revived, schlatt was alongside him because the two are deeply intertwined for some insane reason that involves that first encounter. he became the main character of the story schlatt wanted to weave by being the last one left standing. he was the largest subject of the torture put upon everyone. he caused the problems that led to his friends, eventually fellow gods, to hate him, deep down. everyone else were just plot devices for him.

so when he was revived, so was schlatt. and schlatt missed his story. so he decided he’d loop it as many times as it takes charlie to get out with his memories being reset with each loop.

all he had to do was take his shot in the final moments of day 101.

anyways off the topic of charlie because although the fic is based around trying to get him back it focuses on the others more

everyone being revived brought them all to where bizly wanted them to be again: molympus. he’d missed the actual good times they’d had over the few thousand years they spent together, building their world bit by bit, code by code. it held shitty memories of practical verbal abuse, yeah, but it was also one of the safest places he’d ever had. he wanted it back. he wanted his friends.

and, in the end, he got them.

to summarize: everyone turned mortal, fucking died, and bizly revived his friends and fucking brainblasted a new world into existance because he was sad abt all of it. also charlie’s stuck in a time loop but that's not important

[tupperwaretub]

Blood-Ridden (part 2)

Pairing: Joel Miller x (firefly)male! Reader

Warnings: tiny tiny sexual theme, imagery of abuse, violence and gore, attempted suicide, intrusive thoughts and some throwing up 😉

Summary: Tommy's brother joel is over and after a argument and storming out you meet someone who makes you feel a way you haven't felt in 10 years.

(set 10 years after the first one, you're well acquainted with joel and tess)

(blue and red text is for thoughts reader has sort of like a angel and devil on each shoulder kind of deal)

Part 1: here

Part 3: here

....................................

It's been ten years since you first met Tommy, since he first introduced you to the fireflies and gave you what you considered to be a family and a home. The fireflies were your family, your not-so-little messed up family of wanted terrorists and you felt happy. Sometimes for a second you forget the problems with the world, everything for just a moment is good again.

But its always hard to forget the things you've done. The people you have killed, ten years ago you couldn't even shoot a gun and now... Well now you're some sort of monster, you can't look at yourself in the mirror without hating what you've become but you keep on killing? You think it's become some kind of natural reaction to danger or a threat to, slit their throat, beat them in with a wrench or... This one you liked to call a 'merciless macdonwald' where you do a shit job at slicing them from their abdomen to their cheeks and then... You need to stop thinking about this, it's not doing you any good for your guilty conscience, what's wrong with you, you freak, you monster, you fucking-

Your thoughts were broken by the door to you and Tommy's shared apartment opening, you jolted up to sit on the uncomfortable couch you were laying on- stupid thing all the springs are broken and theres a patch of damp on one of the pillows. You look up and see tommy with his brother, Joel what a dick he pisses you off so much you should just-

"hey y/n, we wake you?" Tommy asks with a soft smile. "No, no. I was awake, just thinking" you reply, returning the smile.

"Me and Joel are gonna hang out here for a while if thats alright?" You know he's only asking because he knows you and Joel don't tend to get on, but he also knows what you're going to say. "Yeah that's fine." You reply and he smiled back as a silent thank you.

You slowly stand up, getting off of the couch letting out a small groan. You've lost count of the amount of times you've been, hit, punched, scratched, cut, shot at... You could go on forever, but the main point is your body is spotted in bruises and cuts constantly. The bruises are only from people trying to protect themselves against you, they dont want to die you freak. No, no, most of the time they shot or swung first dont pin this on me like I'm some mindless sociopath! At this point you are! Am not! Oh yeah you are, sometimes you barely have the courteousy to put them out of the their misery! How is not actually killing them bad now? You like to watch them writhe around and scream for you to help them don't you, you get off on it! Yeah you do! Don't deny it!

"you gonna keep starin' at that wall or are you gonna answer me?" You quickly swung your neck around to see who was talking, it was joel. "What did you say?" You ask trying to be polite and answer whatever he had to say to you. "Jeez, someone's losin' it. Tommy's got rations." He remarks and walks away. Losing it? Losing it? You're not losing it! Hes losing it!

"I'm not losing it asshole. Can't a guy think anymore?" You bark back. "Guys! Don't do this now, lets just eat and be functional for just a second?" Tommy quickly says before Joel could get the chance to say something snarky back at you.

You grab your rations, a little too aggressively but only because Joel still has you riled up and angry, and you go sit on the couch again. The food is some disgusting tasteless jerky, honestly doesn't make you any less hungry and you wonder what it's made out of.

"you ever thought about leaving the fireflies" you overhear Joel asking Tommy. "No, we fight for a good cause. You don't like FEDRA either Joel, we're just using our hate into something productive. Y/n gets it." Tommy replies and you turn around to look at him. "Yeah." You say taking the last bite of the whatever-the-hell jerky you got given, with that you get up and go to the sink to get a drink. FEDRA might be fascist assholes but they do still give you running water..

"y/n only gets it because hes a firefly to. And you really believe killing people is productive?" Joel snaps back and tommy. "It was productive before, dont talk to me like you're innocent Joel." Tommy replies, he sounds like hes losing his mind here. "You're right, but at least i stopped."

"will you shut the fuck up Joel?! I swear to God you can't go a single second without saying something and being an asshole to anyone, it makes me want to-" you shut your mouth knowing your thoughts were about the get the better of you, you can't let that happen, you can't.

"want to what, y/n. Go on, what d'you wanna do to me?" Joel says, you can't tell what hes trying to do - is he trying to get a rise out of you? Make you say something you'll regret? You can't say what you're thinking Tommy will hate you! Tell him.

Tell him every last little thing you've dreamt of doing to him, all the disgusting images in your head of you killing him. Cmon dont be such a pussy-

You quickly storm out of the apartment, you can't, you can't let your thoughts get the best of you. Be stronger than your thoughts, they're in your head, they're harmless, nothing to worry about, they're -

Suddenly you bump into someone causing you both to stumble. "Shit, I'm so sorry! Here let me help you" you say quickly grabbing the persons hand and helping them up. Once they were up you finally got a good look at them, you'd bumped into a really handsome man- he had blonde hair and gorgeous blue/grey eyes you could just drown in. You felt yourself getting embarrassed.

"thankyou, hey it's no problem, things happen." He says with a bright smile, he reminded you of a golden retriever. "Hey uh... What's you're name?" You ask him, sounding quite timid against your own will. "Names Charlie, you?"

"y/n" you reply still admiring him.

------------------------------------------

Two years, you and Charlie had been attached by the hip he asked you to be his boyfriend a month after meeting him. Spending these two years with him is up their in the best times of your life, but the standards for that list dropped significantly at the start of the infection so just having a relationship with someone feels like heaven.

Though, recently he's started becoming distant. So, when Marlene asked the two of you to leave the QZ and search for supplies needed to create some more explosives you were over the moon, hoping it'll bring you two closer together again.

"y/n ans charlie, you two can go together to collect supplies." Marlene said pointing at the two of you. You smiled at Charlie, but he seemed disappointed "you're kidding right? You're putting him with me? Can't i go with Tommy or something?" Charlie pleaded. "What do you mean? Is working with me really that bad?" You ask, offended.

"stop, both of you. You're working together thats final." She ordered, then showing you the route on the map.

An hour later you and Charlie were outside the QZ, it was late and you still had a mile before the first rest stop. You decide asking Charlie about his reaction earlier might be a good idea. "Charlie." You begin.

"what do you want?" He replies with malice. "What the hell is your problem with me? We're supposed to be a couple but you're treating me like shit!"

"you ever thought maybe you're an annoying peice of shit and deserve to be treated like one?" Charlie says without hesitation. You go silent, confused why suddenly he hates your guts. But, you start thinking- he's always pushed limits with how he treats you, you were just blinded with love. You think back to a time where you were showering together, when he suddenly put his hand to your throat at first you laughed and thought he wanted to have a bit of fun. But then he applied some pressure, he just kept putting more and more pressure onto your throat until you couldn't breathe, when he pulled away he just left you in the bathroom with your neck already bruising.

Now you see why Tommy only ever speaks to him when hes been forced to work with him, tommy realised much earlier how he was treating you, he tried to warn you why didnt you do anything? Stupid, stupid, stupid, maybe you wouldn't have fallen in love with him and you wouldn't be in this situation.

You kept your mouth shut until you got the the first rest point, Charlie flopped onto a shitty old couch while you got to work setting up a fire and your sleeping bags.

"why do you have such a problem with me?" You finally ask. "Dunno you just piss me off, stop asking questions." He spits. "What? No! I want to know what i ever did to you to deserve treatment like this!" You start feeling extremely pissed off.

Charlie jolts up and walks towards you "Maybe it's all these God damn fucking questions you keep asking thats making me treat you this way! I don't want to have to be such a dick! You're making me be this way!" He screams at you, some of his spit getting on your face. The argument gets progressively more heated before Charlie seemingly snaps and hits you around the face and pushes you to the ground with a strong grip on your throat. You're gasping for air while clawing at his hands.

Get out of his grip and rip him to fucking shreds, you want to you know you want to. He'll kill you if you dont kill him! Show him that side of you only Tommy's seen!

That was it, you kicked Charlie's crotch with all your might causing him to scream and jolt backwards. You quickly scrambled to your feet and grab a metal pipe laying in a scrap pile next to you. All you see is red as you close in on him. Blood splatters onto your torso and face, soon you were seeing a sight you were familiar with. A person on the floor Infront of you with their face bashed in - unrecognisable. When you came to your senses you started to hyperventilate, what had you done, you killed Charlie.

Your only idea was to grab your gun put it to your chin and fire. Your gun was in your back pocket, you grab it and put it to your chin, your hand shaking, your breathing frantic and tears leaving your eyes. Do it. And you fired.

You were still alive? What the hell was going on? It all came to you as you felt you face and saw your own blood on your hand, and then a suddenly twang of pain on your face. You had missed, you had missed and the bullet just left a wound up your face. Fuck. Idiot how the hell do you miss your own head?!

You pack your stuff up leaving every peice of Charlie's belongings there and quickly went in the direction of the QZ, you thought if you run fast enough it'll still be dark when you get through.

A couple hours later you had made it through and into the QZ, the sun was rising as you entered you and Tommy's apartment. Joel was asleep on the couch, you coming through the door didnt wake him so he had clearly taken something to fall asleep. You woke Tommy though and as you were catching your breath against the door a frightened Tommy stood opposite to you.

"shit, y/n what the fuck happened." He asks with his face covered in worry. He took a few steps towards you. You can't even fucking trust yourself not to kill him, your best friend, you're deranged don't go near him. "Don't! Just don't! Stay there!" Tears started to escape from your eyes again when you couldn't catch your breath. You directed yourself to the sink and immediately washed your hands and face, you kept trying to catch your breath but ended up just vomiting into the sink letting all of the anxiety, regret and worry out. Only then were you able to gasp and catch your breath and you collapsed to the floor leaning against the cabinet behind you and your face in your hands. Don't act like you feel guilty, you enjoyed bashing his skull in.

Tommy approached you. "Can i come closer?" You only nodded and he sat next to you. "Can i ask? I was thinkin' if i know to i can help tell Marlene once you've slept." You sat there in silence for a moment longer. Why did you let him get closer? Who knows what you'll do.

"i killed him" you blurted out. "Who? Charlie?" You nodded. "He, hit me. He put his hands on my neck he tried to - " you quickly took a deep breath not wanting to freak yourself out again. "He try to kill you?" You nodded. Yeah thats right you killed him it's all your fault.

Tommy went silent before asking "are you worried Marlene is going to react bad?" You just nod again, worrying any words that come out are going to be accompanied with tears. "She wont, trust me y/n. She tends to be pretty reasonable and she damn well likes you I'll tell ya that." He reassured you. Hes lying to make you feel better, Marlene is going to hate you just like everyone else."Right." You finally say. "Well that slice on your face is pretty bad, let me see what i can do." Tommy grabbed the box of smuggled in first aid supplies and managed to give you a couple stitches and patch up most of it, though it was awkward with the direction the bullet went in. It meant the wound was deep and bleeding quite a bit and patching it up is awkward and difficult. "Sure is gonna leave a nasty scar." He mentions. "I know." You say simply. "Well you should rest up, wake me if you need anything. Please." "Alright Tommy." And with that you both went to bed, but you barely slept, all you saw was Charlie's bashed in skull.

The next day you explained to Marlene what happened, not letting a single emotion slip infront of her. Tommy was right, she was very reasonable and you appreciated it but she had to send Tommy and a newer firefly out to get the supplies you failed to get meaning you'd be alone in the apartment for at least a day. You'll figure out a way to keep your head occupied. It'll be okay, Marlene took the situation well and Tommy is only away for a day. Or you could try again.. do it right this time.

You wished tommy the best of luck as he set off with the younger man and then made your way back to your apartment flopping onto the couch.

Shit it was quiet. Occupying your head was going to be a bit more difficult than you thought. You got up and got onto your hands and knees pulling up a floor board, under it was smuggled medications and weapons but also some books. You'd managed to smuggle in some random books you must've read over a thousand times. You picked up a book that was written by love craft, you remember finding this one in a vintage bookstore you and tommy set up shop in one time on a supply run, the innards of the book made you chuckle so you let your wants get the best of you and took it. Reading that book for the first time it was so strange it really made you laugh, read that! It'll make you feel much better! Do it. Try again.

You let out a small chuckle as you put the floor board back and sat on the couch opening the book up. Once you'd settled in reading the book the door suddenly opened to show a pretty soggy Joel, you hadn't noticed that it was raining outside. Joel! Now you're not so lonely this will be nice! Make it a murder suicide, you hate him, you could kill him and then yourself!

"wheres Tommy?" He asks out of breath.

"out on a supply run, why? Something happen?" You ask getting worried but he just shakes his head. "No, im just getting old is all." He closes the door and walks over to the countertop to grab the cloth and attempt to dry off his hair. "The hell happened to your face?" He asks setting the cloth down. "Just dont ask, not in the mood." You reply still trying to read your book.

Joel went quiet and the room was filled with an awkward silence.

"y'know, five years ago... I tried to... Well." Joel finally says. You turn around to look at him. "Yeah?" "Yeah. I guess, it was a mix of everything I'd lost and... Not seeing any kind of future for myself in here." You felt a twang of anxiety, not used to the honestly joel was showing you. "Basically i know what you're goin' through" he finishes. "I, uh. Thanks joel." The room went silent again but this time more comfortable than the last. This is nice, he really seems to like you.

"what ya reading?" Joels asks you as he picks up the cloth again to try and dry off his clothes as well as possible. You get up and walk over placing the book on the counter top. "Lovecraft, found it in a vintage bookstore on a supply run with Tommy." You give him a smug look which he chuckles at. "You can borrow it if you want, not sure if you're a big reader, i sure wasn't but man it passes time." You push the book a bit closer to him, he accepts. "Alright, I'll try it out but if its bad im pinning it on you." You both laugh. Wow he's just incredible, he has a lovely smile and a lovely laugh.

For a second you forgot how much you hated him, you kind of felt a bit warm inside when talking to him. It felt almost like butterflies but, you'd feel to guilty to admit that to yourself you just killed your ex boyfriend it would be sick to move on just like that. Then plus, Joel isn't gay, he hated your guts before now so theres no real chance.

"i would've done the same." Joel says. "What do you mean?" You look at him confused. "I overheard a few things when you had that conversation with Tommy. I would've done the same."

You look at the ground, do you really want to have this conversation right now? "You dont have to say anythin' but just so you know, i think you did the right thing, noone who thinks treating a person they're meant to love like that is right deserves that and worse." He puts a hand on your shoulder making you shiver. You look at him, he had his usual cold stare but you could sort of see some kind of care behind his gaze it made you feel warm again and fuzzy.

You couldn't help pull him into an embrace which he reciprocated almost instantly, you can't imagine how touch starved he must be so this hug might've just been what both of you needed...

--------------------------

A/n: ANOTHER long one sorry bout that, just would like to take my time with this series and make sure its pretty damn detailed. the last thing I'd ever want is for someone to read my work not knowing something is in it and accidentally getting triggered- so also if i have missed any warnings PLEASE tell me 🙇

Also tysm all of you for the support, was fully expecting part 1 to flop y'all got me giggling and kicking my feet fr 🤭 hope you enjoyed.

[rk-ceres]

Neglected PT.2

George Weasley x reader

George makes an effort to fix things between you two

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

It was now late in the day you havent moved Ron and George busied themselves making reservations setting up the bedroom and planning he glanced up to the clock and sighed out 2pm. “thanks for your help today Ron” George sighed out obviously still having an off day “anything for you George. Wish Y/n a happy birthday for me” he gave George a smile hurt hit him square in the gut he quickly shooed Ron out of the house finishing the rest of the house and made dinner, once the clock hit 5:30 he washed the rest of the dishes and rushed back to the guest room where you havent left all day he softly knocked on the door “Love?” He called out opening the Guest bedroom seeing you still in tears “ive got a surprise for you” he whispered “can we talk baby? Can we try and fix this? I was wrong” he sighed out walking into the room “im so sorry” he whispered “i dont want to talk to you. Im hurt, and I am so angry at you…but mostly hurt and I dont know how we can fix this you really hurt me last night and i need time” you said turning to the wall “I know Y/n, you don’t need to talk to me yet. just listen” he sighed out “i dont have an excuse. Im so sorry i forgot, but it stops today.” He walks around the bed to where you was laying crouching to meet your eyes “Everything it stops ive made arrangements and youve got me. We’ll work on us. Ive given us a week. things just got away from me. I want to make this right, and i want you to know that i took off the rest of the week and part of next, tomorrow at seven in the morning i drop you off at madame cordelia’s spa, youve got an all day session shes going to do your hair and make up im getting your nails and toes done, seaweed wrap and mud bath. Massages and steam rooms. your outfit is in the closet for the evening, we’ve got reservations at six for the new restaurant on fifth, the one youve been talking non stop about after that we’re going to see the new Keanu Reeves movie first showing. Thursday is going to be us going to the arcade, icecream shop in muggle london and a fairy boat ride, Friday is me taking you to the carnival. We’ll ride the ferris wheel and we’ll play all the games i’ll let you beat me in bumpercars too, Saturday we’ll be in Paris, i booked us a hotel there til Tuesday morning. We’ll explore France and it’ll be just me and you, ive got everything planned i packed your suitcase with everything youll need for our week baby. if i didnt muck this up too badly. Please come back to our room. Im really, really sorry Y/n/n. I know that ive been neglecting you and your needs and youve been taking care of me making my lunches waking me up with kisses keeping our house clean bringing me dinners and loving me when i havent been treating you the best.” “You havent” you cried harder “it feels like youve checked out and didnt want to tell me youre breaking up with me. You forgot my birthday. I know youre busy and I love that youre living your dream and that you take care of the both of us but im important too one night was all I wanted and you yelled at me. Seven months of me supporting you every way I know how to support you and I get yelled at” “I know love and im so sorry i didnt mean to forget” he whispered cupping your cheek

k “im not asking this to hurt you im not trying to start a fight but you got defensive and i need to know. I’m are you seeing somebody else?” Your voice broke his eye’s dropped “no. Love. Its just been work. Theres no one else for me. Its just you.” He cupped your face in his hands “trust me. Its just you baby” he cooed softer “today? All i wanted? Was you to notice me. I just wanted you to spend time with me just flirting and harmless fun. i wanted you to touch me. Its been seven months since we’ve had sex since youve touched me. am i not enough anymore? am i not pretty enough? did i let myself go after hogwarts? Am i not what you want or is it just you being busy because i cant do this anymore i cant keep feeling like im being replaced” you cried more “i can live with” you hiccuped “i can live with being a part time lover but its killing me George” you cried “you not being here? Its killing me” tears made its way down his face while letting your words sink in “im sorry, youre not a part time lover. I want you Y/n/n just you. Youre it for me” he wiped your tears away tears in his own “its just work i swear. ‘Ve hired an accountant and another person to run the shop while we have our week. Then i have to go back and train. But i’ll be home with you. Every day at five.” He pointed to the ground “every day at five i’ll be home and in your arms telling you how much i love and need you, I’ll have weekends off.. and Saturday will be our day. I promise you” he looked into your eyes filled with hope as he brushed the tears from your face “am i still the one? Are you still going to marry me one day?” You asked softly insecurity written all over your face George’s eyes softened as you leaned more into George’s touch he smiled at you “yes baby.. youre still my only one. im sorry for yelling at you. Im sorry for not making the time before it was too late, im sorry for being an idiot, im sorry for making you feel like you arent enough… is it okay for me to show you how i feel? Let me make it up to you?” He asked looking into your eyes “are you finally going to make love to me?” You asked tears still streaming down your face again “not in here. But yes. We can have sex tonight. Just not in our guest bedroom love. If we’re having sex. Its going to be in our shared bedroom” He said straightening out his back as you sat up “im sorry i yelled at you. I shouldnt have yelled back” you looked back “we can talk about that after” he said handing you a small package Ron picked up for him on his way here to set up “put this on love” he smiled softly as you sat up “give me ten minutes.. then come to the dining room.” He said still looking at you you nodded to him biting your lip you opened the package and gasped he had bought you the dress that you pointed out at already Boux’s it was a 1300 galleon dress that you dreamed of wearing it was a 1920’s style red dress with a slit that came up to mid thigh you smiled and put it on he had bought the matching make up palette and accessories for you

you slipped on the gloves and finished the red lipstick walking out into the dining room, he had transfigured a wall into a big movie screen smiling when he saw you “you look exquisite love” “not so bad yourself handsome” you ran your hands over his black suit “thank you..” You say softly “this isnt a fraction of what I have planned. I spent all night last night working on it, Happy Birthday my love… youre the best thing thats ever happened to me and im sorry that i dont show it enough. If you left i wouldnt know what to do or how to breathe without you” he smiled “i heard you.. talking to Hermione… I was outside the door. I came back to check on you, and i did talk to your brother. We went out and got coffee at that new Cafe. It didnt make things worse. Ive worked things out with Harry, and he was really kind, and threatening. But its all worked out and better. He actually helped with the reservations and called in a few favors for our Paris vacation. Gabby’s picking us up from the airport and to our hotel.” “He didnt seek you out did he?” You asked softly “no baby. I called him.” George said looking into your eyes “im so sorry baby, id notice… i noticed your face when i yelled at you.” He sighed out “thatll never happen again. Ever. I didnt like it. I didnt like any part of it it made me feel like shit, youre not my annoying clingy girlfriend Y/n/n. Youre my everything darling i love you even if ive done a crappy job at showing you. Please dont leave me… please i can change ive already changed some things i really do want to fix us, im serious about you and i want you too feel that i am too and i do want to spend time with you on your birthday. I made your favorite” he pulled out her chair and played the movie “im not leaving. Im sorry” you looked down “i thought that i was alone and needed to get it out” tears started to come your eyes “No baby this is my fault and my fault alone you dont apologize” he cupped her cheek “thank you… for making dinner” you said softly “its the least i can do, baby. Id like to talk more about what was said during our fight. But i want to be clear that im not mad at you, im not mad that we fought, my anger and outburst wasnt because of you, it was because i had a really tough day, and i took it out on you. It was wrong and i shouldnt have done that. Is that okay if we talk about this? Theres three major things i want to revisit if possible” He asked looking into your eyes as he dished out the food you gave him a slight nod “i.. i dont know where to start to be honest with you. So im just going to dive in with what you accused me of. It was definitely warranted and i dont blame you for thinking it. I didnt realize how little ive been home, and how it could look like ive been entertaining another woman” he cleared his throat “id never, ever, ever. Do that to you baby. Theres no one else other than you Y/n. Youre the only one i’ll ever want and need” “im sorry that i jumped to conclusions i…. I was insecure” you said softly his mouth pulled into a straight line

“no baby. Dont do that. Dont apologize. Your feelings were and are valid. I wasnt home. You didnt know where i was. I havent reassured you or anything like that, you accusing me like that you werent yelling. Your voice wasnt angry when you asked about it and i wasnt hearing you. You communicated right. You calmed yourself down calmly asked me a question and i got defensive and i could see where you’d think i was hiding something baby. Im not hiding anything from you. You told me what was an honest fear. It wasnt you being insecure i hadnt been home. Which brings me to my next point on this topic youre right. Ive not touched you… or said i loved you since the baby got here and it wasnt because i was punishing you. It was because i… i thought that i could handle this myself. Both branches of triple W and keeping up with the paperwork. The products. But as things progressed it…. It got out of hand if it were you i wouldve done worse than just asking a simple question you were communicating how you felt and your fears and i wasn’t listen ing how i should have been. I was fighting when i should have been comforting and open to talking about it” he sighed taking a bite of food “i believe you. I believe that you werent you last night and you arent seeing anyone else.” You said softly “i just want you to make a point to love me the right way i know things have been tough on you and im trying but” “but you’re neglected and im an arse” he joked you both smiled at each other. “next most important thing i want to discuss is i want to address what i said about money. its not just my money. My success. My empire baby its ours. I shouldnt have thrown that in your face that i make more. It was below the belt and im sorry.” He sighed “ive only ever wanted to share my life with you. Since that day my mum helped you and Harry into that platform i knew that you’d be my entire life. And everything that was and is mine would be yours too” he looked up into your eyes “ive only ever saw the money as ours George. All of this is ours.” You smiled at him taking his hand in yours he chuckled “i know you didnt mean it. Because i know you George Weasley.” “howd i get so lucky?” He asked “I also do. I remember, and see it all. Everything that you gave up for our relationship and us but most of all what you gave up for me..” He spoke again after a few moments of silence “everything that you’ve sacrificed for me since the war, the… the wall that almost took you and Fred…” tears sprung to his eyes as he talked he quickly wiped them away “im sorry. That you had to sacrifice it.” He said you looked up from your food “you sacrificed a lot for me too, you rescued me and Harry second year, you fell out of the car breaking my fall when Vernon pulled me out you bruised three ribs and a broken arm for me…. You stayed up all night studying with me you do just as much for me as i do for you dont apologize for that, you dont have to apologize anymore George; i forgive you, and we can work on us. I dont want to leave” you said softly “third most important thing i want to tell you is that im still the George that promised you a wedding and kids if you want them Y/n/n. I want to marry you, i want you to know that i do have something planned so its coming okay? You dont have to worry about where you stand with me. In my heart. Cause of one fight. Im here. Your George is still here. Even if he was being a prat. Ive planned your proposal and its coming okay baby? Its coming.” George finished his meal “anything else you want to talk about before we kiss and make up?” He asked “i…. I want to say that im sorry even if you dont want me too. I was wrong for yelling. I didnt like it. And I think that when we get to that point again we should take a break and come back to talk when we can rationalize better” you looked down “i think thats a great idea, we okay now?” He asked you softly “we’re okay” you breathed out “i want to have sex… is that still on the table tonight or are we waiting til we work this out more?” You asked softly

“baby. We’ve worked it all out. We talked through everything. Its better now isnt it?” He asked with brows furrowed in confusion you nodded your head “yes. We can have sex tonight. Im ready for that if you are” he offered a small smile the movie was done he stood up flicked his wand the dishes clean themselves pulling her waist closer to him he led you into the bedroom he stopped in front of the door letting you open it “go get in the tub” he whispered in your ear his fingers dragging down your zipper you turned the handle and pushed open the door your eyes widened the entire bedroom was covered in red roses teddy bears rose petals the room was lit by enchanted candles hanging from every corner of the room George brought his nose to the crook of your neck “the bath is ready for us” he said pushing the dress off your shoulders dropping it to the ground his fingers digging into your hips spinning you to face him noses close together and for the first time tonight. George kissed you sweetly bringing his hands up to unclip your bra your hands slowly undid his tie and worked on the buttons of his shirt and trousers you took your own knickers off “lets go take our bath” he whispered into your lips “please master i need you” you whispered

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Next part contains smut

[jinkicake]

New Years and I got kazuha brainrot😔 thinking instead of him being tied up and going feral from watching the shogun get hands it’s an enemy to lovers type beat. Like he hates you almost as much as the shogun for no reason like idk what tf I would do to make him hate me but I would be a general annoyance🥰 him chasing me through Inazuma as I keep dodging him and playfully shocking him like a doorknob. He hates electro so much he’s just ready to fight LMFAO only Beidou is cool. He’s so irritated he can’t catch me bc I’m just disappearing and showing up at the most in opportune times 💕singing his name and calling him cute but also he’s weak bc hehe you can’t hurt me. Tying him up and and caressing his face while also reading random ass poetry; just flirting w him to piss him off more “aww you look so angry kazuha🥺 do you hate me that much🥺” but like kazuha is sneaky asf so he’s out of the ropes, like people forget that!! He’s a little shit!! Like he’s very soft and well behaved like albedo BC THEY ARE MASTER MANIPULATORS LIKE THEY ARE SWEET TALKERS!! Kayea is just more overt w it bc he’s also using sex appeal, albedo and kazuha are the dangerous ones like turning up the heat on a frog in water you don’t notice until it’s too late. They sweet talk you into safety and when you finally become defenseless to their true intensions they spring it in you and attack then!! So this mf would grab you out of nowhere while you’re super distracted. “Why don’t I show you how much I hate you”😭 rip bc unhinged hate fuck kazuha is my fav brand actually, him just rearranging your guts like he hates you, pounding you in a mating press like he’s trying to knock you up bc what would be sweeter revenge than forcing the nuisance plaguing his life to continue the kadehara clan🥰 glaring at you and degrading you while your face is twisted in pleasure. Like he accidentally fucks himself stupid too, when he comes down from the high of being that mad he realizes he’s overstimulated and you’re milking him dry but it feels too good to stop now and also he’s not done taking revenge 😔 he needs to go until his body is screaming at him to stop needs to keep shit talking “you hated me so much but here you are begging me to go deeper” this cock mf is good at saving face unfortunately 🙄😒 so he’s cooing like he plans on edging you- he doesn’t his balls would actually explode if he stops moving- “you want me to go deeper? Isn’t that gunna hurt you sweetheart? So desperate for me to ruin you huh?” Pushing his full body weight on you so you can’t move an inch, you just gotta take it idk what to say?? When he shakily let’s your legs drop from is shoulder he watches as all his cum spill out so he takes his fingers and pushed it back in😭”this is your punishment” before passing tf out

I think a kazuha brainrot is the perfect way to enter the new year!

my heart literally started to race at the mention of 'enemies to lovers' FHDSUHDSUHF THIS IS TOO GOOD a mean!kazuha is sooo hawt like why do i want to be his enemy now??? getting into actual fights w him would so stressful and the tension would be SO thick bc he's pinning you down to the ground and cursing your existence and then kissing you in the most selfish way ever... he doesn't understand these feelings himself but he can't listen to you talk anymore so he just- SMOOCH! oh my heart-

also,,, the way you describe him and albedo is so sick like i genuinely think I may bend over backward for him now like.... manipulator!kazuha hmmmm heheheh i need it

yes.... yeah! kazuha going from fucking you dumb to being fucked dumb is so respectable. he's everything i need in a m4n

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SEE NOW WHERE IS THIS IN THE KAZUHA TAGSSSS im tired of him being written as a sweetie (even if he is, my sweet meow meow), i need unhinged!kazuha like idc if its ooc i dont care at all.... it's too good T T i want desperate!messy!kazuha... your brainrots are too good im so jealous of them

[broke-on-books]

☕️

The SDMI portrayals of the gang

Ummm well so basically I liked sdmi as a kid, it was coming out right as I was kinda in the latter part of my scooby phase (not that I ever left that but) so it wasn't like a "childhood favorite" to me but like a scooby show that I'd seen the majority of, if slightly out of order, because cable tv and like being 10. And I liked it! I liked it then and I liked it when it got put up on Netflix and I finally watched the whole thing in order.

And so like I guess I havent always been an sdmi hater. Like I've seen it like 2/2.5 times the whole way through. I just.... watching sdmi doesn't really give me joy anymore I guess? Like there are moments that are funny or entertaining or whatever but it's just not some where watching it makes me happy or relaxed which are the emotions I like to get from scooby. Like scooby is my comfort show and sdmi just doesn't give me that feeling because I just start feeling sad at how mean the gang are to each other or annoyed at all the dumb relationship drama. Like I just want to beat every writer on that show with a frying pan and tell them "they're best friends, damn it! Have them act like it!".

I don't know, I just really hate how they have the gang members treat each other. They don't feel like friends to me there and that's always been a core of me enjoying the series and so without that... idk it just feels hollow like it isn't it to me. And it makes me angry or annoyed or sad while watching and that's now something I want to feel when watching scooby.

Also I dont like the art style. OR their characterizations really (excepting fred mostly my boy autistic af there and we love that for him). And I especially hate how some people will talk about sdmi like it's the pinnacle of all animation (which like I know you asked specifically about the gang portrayals so I won't go into that) BUT like 1) it's very much not and 2) "it's the first scooby with an overarching plot" it literally isn't but okay

Anyways I didn't really go into my specific opinions on the gang to much here other than "they're mean to each other and I don't like that" but thats really what it mostly boils down to. I'm just not a fan and I've decided to not waste my time being unhappy about it and not watch sdmi anymore (or talk about it too much really)

Like I feel like I very much have an sdmi timer. Like idk its draining to think about it as opposed to the rest of scooby where talking about it normally GIVES me energy. So while I have sdmi opinions I guess you generally won't see me get too far into them at a time.

I was gonna say something else what was it

Oh yeah like you can still see posts about sdmi if you go back in time on this blog (the planespheric disk is cool as fuck and I stand by any old doodles people may dig up) and like I have some great sdmi posts out there that I genuinely do love thinking about (fred machine my beloved <33333333) but the show itself just isn't my jam. Like I liked it but much of that like has kinda been beaten out of me by the stupid sdmi takes ive seen and just the inability to talk about other things by some (not you anon youre chill I promise)

So yeah. It's complicated.

[countrygals-stuff]

Solby-letters part 5

Colbys POV:

It’s been a week since i gave Sam the last letter with a hint so i have to write him one with a hint today the letter says:

Hi Sammy, 2 weeks until we can be together, tha is if you actually like me. The second hint is that i have blue eyes, its not much but i want it to be a surprise when we meet love from c.b

Before i know it its time to go to school today im wearing a black hoodie and some black trackies, i go downstairs and to the garage, today im jut going to take a tesla. I get to Kacy’s house and knock on her door. “Coming!” She opens the door, “ hey colbs, how ya doing?” “Im good kac, how are you?” “Great actually im in a really good mood this morning, so how are you going with the letters.” “Pretty good im gonna meet up with him in two weeks and i wrote another hint today.”

Time skip to lunch:

Me and kac have beeen sitting closer to Sam’s table because malia felt more comfortable when she wad closer to Katelyn , the good side to that is that got to see open his letter every day. Katelyn hasn’t been to clingy to Sam the last week. But toda y she kept hanging all over him and trying to get closer, i try to ignor it but its har af. “Kac,? i know this sounds childish but wha if Sam doesn’t like me and this is all for nothing?” “ Colby trust me Sam will like you, why wouldn’t he?” “Because i might not be his type, he might think im anoying, he might be really disappointed wh-Colby!” “Stop just have some faith man!” “Ye-yeah your right, sorry kac.” Then i hear Sam’s voice, i look around nd see Katelyn leaning him up against the wall, i try to let it go but Sam looks so uncomfortable, so i pull Kacy around the corner to watch what happens. “Colbs what are we doing?” “Spying on Katelyn and Sam to make sure she doesn’t do anything.” “Why, im sure she wont do anything terrible?” Yeah but i dont have a good feeling about th- before i could finish my sentence i see Katelyn kiss Sam, he tries to get away but Katelyn’s grip is too strong. I feel rage build up in my mind until I can’t control myself anymore. In storm over to them a pull Katelyn away with so much force that she falls to the ground before i punch her i get pulled back, i turn around and see Corey trying to stop me, so i grab hm and punch hm instead. Before i could do anything me and Corey were beating each other up while Katelyn was running away.

Kacys POV:

Im still around the corner until i see Colby shove Katelyn to the ground, then i start running to Colby but i stop in front of him because i already know there’s nothing i could do to stop him, once he gets in this type of rampage you can’t stop him until he blacks out. This happened before, one time, it was tw years ag when he saw Brennan punching his younger brother, he got so angry he kept going, and spo did Brennan until both boys had passed out. Thats what’s happening know, he’s so mad he doesn’t know how much damage he is doing, its all a blur for him. “KACY!” I whip my head around and see Kat running towards me. “Kacy! What happened?” We were walking in the hall and Colby spotted Katelyn making Sam uncomfortable again and he made us hide behind the corner to make sure she wouldn’t do anything, but then she tried to kiss him” her eyes went wide, so Colby went over and pushed Katelyn to the ground and Corey tried to stop him from going any further but he started eating up Corey instead”. “Omg” “ yeah i know but the thing is once he is in this state of rage he wont stop till he’s blacked out.” “Oh ok, umm are you sure there’s nothing that can make him stop?” But then it all clicked, the only thing that could stop him was, “Sam”.

Hahah cliffhangerrrr, sry for the short chapters but i suck at writing, sryyy byeeeeeeee<3

[henasse]

I'm gonna fucking loose it I'm gonna fucking loose it this is what I get I know I know it's what I get don't disobey I get it I know I couldn't stop I couldn't make it stop I couldn't I need help I made that decision I did it I chose it but it wasn't me it hurt I didn't want to do this to myself I didn't want this I didn't want him in me literally in me gods he's everywhere I miss him I hate him fucking kill me again and again I miss it I hate it I can't stand this trauma bond anymore and if I wasn't immortal I'd fucking kill myself and it's so fucking pathetic that I've tried so many times to already and I'm spiraling again FUCK ME BITCH YKNOW WHAT FUCK It

I FUCKING WON. OK. I WON. I BEAT HIM INTO THE GROUND I TORE HIM APPART I RIPPED AWAY EVERYTHING FROM HIM JUST LIKE HE DID TO ME WHY DO I HAVE TO GET UP AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND BE PUNISHED BY THE PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY LIVE ME BECAUSE HE FUCKIGN BROKE ME VECAUSE THEY FUCKING LEFT ME. ITS NOT MY FAULT I WAS ABANDOND ITS NOT MY FAULT HE CREPT IN I WAS FUCKING TWELVE I WAS FUCKING TWELVE IT WASNT MY FAULT.

I"you'll rule the dark, nothing will scare you anymore you'll dominate the fear you'll lead"

CARVED. CARVED L. CARVED. GROOMED FUCKING ROTTEN ROTTEN ROTTEN

ITS NOT MY FAULT I WAS ABANDOND ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU LEFT. I WAS SO FUCKIGN SMALL YOU WERE LITERALLY ALL I EVER HAD SOME TIMES IM SO FUCKING ANGRY AT YOU. I ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME AT FUCKING TWELVE YOU KNEW I DIDNT KBOW WHAT THAT MEANT YOU KNEW I DIDNT KNOW YOU KNEW IT MEANT I LOVED YOU AND DIDNT WANT YOU TO EVER LEAVE AND YOU FUCKING ABANDOND ME FOR YEARS YOU FUCKING LEFT ME FOR YEARS HERMES AND A NECKLACE AND A BROKEN PROMISE ISNT GOING TO FIX THAT LOOK AT ME FUCKING LOOK AT ME IM BROKEN MY LIFE IS FALLING APPART I CANT OBEY I CANT DO WHAT UNCLE WANTS I CANT EVEN GO TO SLEEP WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. IM GOING TO LOOSE HIM HERMES I'M GOING TO LOOSE HIM AND YOU JUST FUCKING PLAY. YOU USED TO CARE.

Gods now the heart conditions acting up

I wish I could die I wish I could die I wish I could die die die die die gods Apollo why did you save me, why did any of you after all that

Was it guilt.

Why did father sacrifice so much to make sure I lived. Knowing no one could see my strand.

My life is hell father

He got me. He broke me. And not even Zeus holding my hand is enough to put me back together.

I can't do this anymore I e said that so many times

I said it the fourth time I drowned

I said it when I was impaled on a tree branch when my bones were shattered and I watched them snap into place when I lifted a tree so my friend could escape and they just FUCKING LEFT ME. HOLDING IT. UNTIL I BLACKED OUT.

Or when I passed out in the snow at age 5 because I was sent across a field in 3 foot snow trudging till I couldn't feel only to wake up to my birth mother screaming at me.

WHY WAS I WORTH KEEPING ALIVE. WAS IT LITERALLY JUST TO BE HIS FUCKING PUNCHING BAG. HIS FUCKING PUPPET.

MY BODY IS FUCKING BROKEN MY MIND IS SHATTERED MY SOUL IS LITERALLY BEING HELD TOGEATHER BY I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT ANYMORE.

I fUCKING DIED SO MANY FUCKING TIMES IVE LOST IT IVE FUCKING LOST IT

[impostergir007]

another day has passed and the only good thing about that is im closer to dying than ever before please fucking kill me let me die my fucking mentality is shattered i dont want to die i need to die i must die i have to die please kill me the only thing stoping me from racking a round and blowing my defective brains out is screaming into the void which never responds only swallows my cries for death by now i must accept that I am immortal and doomed to suffer my own existance for an eternity i cna only belive that my own self hatred and desire to die stems from the fact that I am a horrid abomination of a life form and this is my punishment i can not die my retarded memory deficient brain can’t remember the sins i commited to deserve this but all I know is that I do deserve this immortality while my only desire is to die and fade from all existance the only thing that brings a constant smile to my face is the thought of that rope tightening as the stool wobbles and i let gravity take hold the taste of the barrell after I dip it in kraft mac and cheese powder for one last trip to flavor town its either that margarita salt or koolaide powder idk but all i know is the thought of killing myself is the onyl thing to put a smile on my face anymore spending time with friends is a chore and an annoyance the best part is when they leave im so fucking jaded now that I cant even enjoy spending time with the people I promised I would not kill myself too i dont want help i just want to stop existing i want to get knocked down so hard that I cant get up im tired so tired i cant keep fighting i dont want to fight just fade away like light in the dark my heart is filled with too much hate to exist i should not be allowed to continue breathing why wont i die and despite these feelings i have had vivid dreams of dying only to experience sorrow at hte fact I was not able to die as i saw fit i was in my bed and drifted towards my window nearly crying thta i had died until i touched the cold unfeeling glass which snapped me back to reality making me realize i may not want to die but I wnat ot kill myself when I am sad to stop feeling sad when I am angry so not to hurt anyone when i am happy to die happy when i am bored as i see no purpose in my continued existance im too fucking old to start over i wasted my life by not being good enough why do I linger while my friends and family have cancer heart attacks and strokes when they have lives to live and I am the one who wants to die they have value i have none i dream of time travel just to go back and beat the shit out of myself then kill myself trapping myself in a time paradox erasing my existance over and over its what I deserve nothing i do will ever make up for the wrong doings of my own existance i dont even enjoy my fave holiday Halloween anymore I havent celberated Christmas in nearly 20 years this time of the year just pisses me off calls to help the homeless and poor come flooding in but when March and spring roll around there is no care for them anymore what the fuck and my birthday what am I celebrating? the fact that 9 months prior my father’s pullout game was weak? I hate myself more than anything in existance and I have a lot of hate in my heart for the human race as a whole my friends are becoming a waste of time my hobbies are just expenses i fear my only true friend is the bottle i fear for the future i want to care for them I knowmy friends are good people and want to spend time with them but my life is too draining and human contact from wokring 12+ hours 6+ days a week is just too much human contact my mind is worn down i cnat even remember 1/2 the shit my friends speak of they talk of how we met adventures we had and i have 0 memory of these events i take their word for it and nod in silemce like I do remember the only record of this past life are photos I dont even remember taking i cant remember past 3 months ago i have to struggle to remember beyond that my brain my body and my soul are fucked and crumbling but still i linger on with only a true desire to die which may stem from a lack of control in my life i wanted to die by the age of 14 and now i have spent over 1/2 of my life wanting to die I constantly regret everytime i stopped myself from killing myself before I promised my friends i would nto kill myself my happiest dreams are of me being told that I have terminal cancer where I can quit my job relax for 3-4 months then kill myself before the cancer can get me i want to control my life not just be a leaf floating on a timeline of my own existance and now i must do the only thing that stops my urges to kill myself going to bed which I cant even sleep right anymore i can only sleep 2-3 hours at a time after spending 1-2 horus trying to sleep then waking for an entire hour and struggle to sleep once more over and over i have not had a full sleep in nearly 10 years i can feel it in my heart my body is breaking but I am forced to endure I was born to die and forced to live I am at the point where any dangerous risk presented to me is not met with a let me think about this no its met with we all gotta die sometime and then proceed to do what must be done without hesitation or a second thought my half ass attemtps at slumber are the only thing qwelling the urge to kill myself other than the fact that I have work in the morning which is now more important to me than the promises I made to my friends that I would nto kill myself which proves how bad of a human I am i worry more about my own employement than how my friends would feel if I d9ied good night and I hope you all have a good night and if not now I hope soon you can all live the proper lives you deserve and live in happiness thought i see nothing good on the horizon only further suffering of all and the best scenerio outcome is that of nuclear annihlation which I actively crave there for I can finally have a legit reason to kill myself beyond that I hope anyone reading this finds the happiness they rightfully deserve