#i dont wanna delete any old art i think its nice to keep it on the blog even if i dont like it anymore. i still made that yknow

[spiderziege]

i never understood how tumblr chooses which posts to display on the side when you click on my blog,, most of these drawings are like 2 years old come on

[tangerinegod]

How did you start getting followers on your art blog?

short answer: i just post my art and tag it 😭 i dont have much advice that i actually follow besides consistent posting but i can give some of my thoughts on building a following down below! prep for a bit of a long post ig?

long answer: i accidentally deleted my entire account in january and was debating if it was worth trying again?? but the community on tumblr is rlly nice and i like sharing my work so i remade ig like 5 months ago now? i wont say the number but i dont have like a big following or anything on here; its less than both my twt accounts haha. i just post like i always do and tag things accordingly in case ppl need things blocked/dont wanna see spec characters ect. and to keep things organized. 

i also dont really post any original work and only really draw fanart so like that helps a lot... all my personal work for ocs and stuff i both dont draw a lot of and also like to keep more private for like portfolio stuff ig? im not saying fanart is like a sell out for clout/lesser but doing work for something ppl are already invested into is a much easier way to build a following than going for original stuff unless what u have really catches the eye? i draw fanart tho just cus naruto is my special interest and has been for like... a loooong time so with or without social media id b drawing it anyways hehe

also posting work consistently is a big way to keep your stuff in the algorithm and for ppl to see it. anytime i take a break on twt for my own mental health i end up droppng 200-300 followers + it can b hard to get back into it; here it doesnt happen as much cus i think theres less bots but if u can manage it posting on a regular basis but not like too much lets people know youre active? it’s not very healthy imo and it shouldnt b that way but it’s what the current trend is ig for building a following..  i try and post on any social media i care about at least once a week if im like suuuuper busy w comms/other stuff but ideally daily/every other day is what i like 2 do, even if its just my garbo doodles i do before bed

and lastly i also try to avoid posting anything that isnt art? if i want to post or share other things i keep private accts on twt and here i am only on for naruto/keeping up w old mutuals so i dont have a seperate account; but if i ever did want to post something not my art/naruto i would make one to keep it separate. some ppl dont care abt seeing personal stuff but i like to keep my things in different places for easy reff and so if ppl visit they can just scroll for fast access w/out other stuff in the way. 

i dont have a ton of advice that differs from what everyone else does to try to build up a following but hopefully this helps! if u have any other q’s tho feel free 2 ask and gl!! 

[franeridart]

*SOBS* IM JUST SO GLAD YOURE BACK

Aw thank you !!!!! It’s really just thanks to the past couple of days of cooler weather tho, ngl hahaha the earth has been indulgent to me, this past week!

Anon said:I really liked that wgole bakushima gem thing! What would bakugou do if kirishima somehow got corrupted and couldnt reverse it? (Without the other diamonds)

Thank you for liking it!!!! And I guess he’d just go ask the other diamonds? Well, he would never let it get to that, but if it were the only option it’s not like he’d leave Kiri like that!

Anon said:Quick, someone put a flashlight on diamond!Kiri

He’d be shinier than Aoyama and Hagakure using her special move put together !!!!!!! v pretty~

Anon said:your kiribaku gem AU inspired me so much that i’m finally watching steven universe just so i can understand it better because what i did understand was that i loved it

OH MAN I hope you’ll enjoy it!!!! It’s a bit silly and all over the place through the first season, but try to give it time !!

Anon said:Hi! I went and checked out your fan art for Kuroko no Basket and I absolutely adore AoKaga! Your AoKaga works make me so happy! I love them all!

Ohhhhh man thank you so much !!!!!!!!!! it’s super old stuff tho how did you even find it hhhhh haha

Anon said:Hello hello! here w bad news a instagram page posted your art and i know you dont like repost so im informing you. The page is kags.fujoshi and it was posted july 23

Yeh I know, I’ve been trying to report it and the other one I’ve been being told about but instagram won’t let me submit the thing so I guess this is how things are and I’ll just die mad about it since instagram likes to make things as hard and impossible to me as it can

Anon said:Bless your art

Thank you ;;;;;

Anon said:Omg literally your kiribaku Steven universe crossover is so fucking perfect thank you for blessing us with it; I’d love to see more if you have anything or feel like ever doing more about it but I don’t want to pressure you or anything, do what you want to do and what makes you happy :) Take care!

Ahhhhhh thank you so much!!!!! I’m super glad you liked it this much!!!!!!!

Anon said:✨Gentle reminder to take care of yourself today ✨

You too, anon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Everytime I see you upload new art I end up looking through and loving your entire BNHA Art tag. It’s so wonderful

gAH thank you so SO much!!!!!!!!!! don’t waste so much time on my blog, tho hahaha

Anon said:heya! I was just wondering if u had any short bakukiri one-shot fic recommendations. i prefer to read short things bc i have some learning difficulties and i was hoping u might know some good simple reads. Thanks! (

Aw man sorry but I really don’t have the time to make a rec list rn ;; if you’re fine with it this is the tag on AO3 filtered so that it shows only complete content with a max word count of 5000 starting from the one with most kudos going down, the first ones showing are all super good fics - in case you’re not okay with explicit content you can filter that too (if youre not okay with mature either just check that out as well) and to go further this is the tag excluding the fics tagged as tddk  cause that’s not what you’re looking for and the tddk and krbk fandom sure like to put each other in the listed relationships even if the fic isn’t about them (it excludes some krbk fics too but what can we do about that)

Anon said:ASDFGHKRNOFNE your last doodle killed me!!!! soft todoroki

AHHHHH I’m super glad you liked them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;;;

Anon said:I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of your art, you beautiful gift you

Thank you smmmmm ;;;

Anon said:I am taking the SU story down for now. Please, let me know if I have your permission to post it, or if you don’t want me to. // And just to clarify - I’m not deleting the story out of spite or anything. I wrote it as a “get-well-soon” gift, but since you make it very clear you want to know how your art is used and that you must give your approval, I began to fear it would become a source of annoyance to you rather than something nice. I can put it back up if you want me to.

I don’t mind you writing the story or posting it, so if you wanna upload it again go for it! For future reference tho, if you’re in a rush to get an answer out of me (referring to the message where you asked if it was okay) your best bet is to go off-anon since those I always answer privately and as soon as I can. It can take me up to over a week to answer anon asks here, which I’d guess is sort of obvious? so seriously next time you’re in a rush to get an answer it’s better if you don’t go through the anon option!!

Anon said:HI I LOVE YOUR ART IT’S GORGEOUS AHHHHHHH

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Anon said:How long does it take t draw one artwork for you?

Some things ten minutes, some things three days of work, it really depends on what I’m drawing? If it’s bw or colored, if it has a bg, if it’s a bust or a full body, if it’s one person or five, one drawing or a full comic, how used I am to drawing the character vs how new it is, how easy the clothes are and how many details there are on them - if you sent me an example I could specifically tell you how long it took me!

Anon said:is bakugo ticklish? what do u think?

Bakugou is ticklish but the immediate aftermath of tickling Bakugou is to be blasted into kingdom come so maybe better not to tickle him unless you’re Kiri and can protect yourself

Anon said:Bakukirikami is some good stuff my dude

It sure as heck is! Lately my old stuff for them is getting a bunch of new notes, I’m assuming people are getting into it thanks to the anime haha the magic of the license exam my doods

Anon said:hey I hope I don’t sound creepy but, I just want to say that your art really makes me happy and that you’re one of my favorite artist out there. So even if somtimes you feel like your art sucks I want you to know that I think it’s beautiful! Hope you’re doing well!

You don’t sound creepy at all!!!!! thank you SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:i live for ur kamisero art just saying

I haven’t drawn much of that, have I? I’m glad you like it tho!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Mako and Tai ♥️♥️

!!!

Anon said:This isn’t an ask, just that I love your art style and it reminds me of a beautiful and cute point and click adventure, “Harvey’s new eyes ” and “Ednas break out” Its very cute and pretty just like your art style and I love both ^^

Oh man thank you!!!

Anon said:Q U O R K

I honestly can’t even remember if this is just a random ask or if it was referring to something specific, ngl (if it’s the second, sorry about my memory being like this orz)

Anon said:Gah I keep missing preorders! I’ve only ever really wanted 2, and each time, don’t have any money, til after they’re done 😢 oh well, I guess. Hope you’re doing well!

If you’re referring to the takemyhand zine, preorders are still going tho!!! and thank you!!!!

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hopefully tumblr doesnt eat this p.1 again! Its been so long since Ive dropped by and said hello to one of my favorite people so hello Coon! I feel like Ive been so busy I dont have time to drop bye and say hello these days How are you? Are you doing well? I hope you are bc you deserve so much happiness. I also wanted to do a status update on the fact that Im now writing again! I took a longer break than I thought I would but hey Im now more motivated than ever so I guess it all worked out ^^

I AM 

A HORRIBLE, ULTIMATELY TERRIBLE RACCOON.

JAZ.

IT’S BEEN SO LONG SINCE YOU LAST DROPPED THIS IN MY INBOX AND I’M JUST REPLYING NOW.

AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHY? IT’S NOT EVEN THAT I DIDN’T HAVE TIME.

I JUST. I PUT THIS IN MY DRAFTS SO THAT THE SECOND ASK, THE BIT IN THE IMAGE, WOULD BE SAFE EVEN IF DELETED FROM THE COMPUTER (LIKE IT HAPPENED TO MY OTHER ASKS)

AND SINCE THEN I DIDN’T BOTHER GOING TO MY DRAFTS.

AND I FORGOT THIS WAS HERE.

JAZ.

JAZ OMG

JAZ PLEASE HIT ME WITH A NEWSPAPER I’M A HORRIBLE CREATURE HOW IN THE W O R L D COULD I FORGET TO REPLY TO YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

*PUNCHES THROUGH THE WALL*

*SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK*

*EXPLODES*

ALKSJDALKFJGADLKGJAGLKAGJAD

Okay you let me add a keep reading right here aaah ;A;

Oh my god, Jaz….Jaz I’m so sorry, I don’t even know where to start apologizing, I’m so sorry. I honestly forgot and that’s the worst part. If I had been busy for real I would have had an excuse at least, but the truth was just that; I put this in my drafts and then forgot it was there. I rarely check my drafts because that’s where I put stuff that I want to reblog at some point but don’t know when because it’s not FFXV related so I just wait until I’m done with the XV reblogs but I never am, and I just assumed everything in drafts was stuff to reblog, I totally forgot there was an ask here that I hadn’t replied to and that it was yours, I’m so sorry, so, so, so sorry, Jaz… :(

I don’t offer an excuse and if you’re upset you have all the rights to be, I understand. Jesus, it’s been a while since Ir eplied this and I mean, there are asks in my inbox that are like a year old but those are prompts or requests and it’s fine, but yours was a personal and it’s been so long for me to answer to it aklsdjalkgjadklgja omg Jaz I’m so sorry….

I’m sorry, Jaz, very sincerely. Zomg…I’m sorry OTL

Well. Still answering ahah ;w;

HEWWO JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Akjdlsafdgalkfjaklhj hhhnnnngnggg. HEWWO JAZ!!! ;w; I’m sorry OTL

Don’t worry about being busy. Real life is already super busy as it is and then we get here and it can get sort of ‘busy’ in its own non-serious way too! I hope that whatever’s been keeping you /kept you busy has given you a break from time to time and that it’s something you enjoy.

I’m doing well! A little ‘busy’ in the non-serious way trying to nail down all my PMs and asks (I’ve lately had a quite excited anon flooding me ahahahah! It’s lovely but keeps me super busy because each I answer gets drowned by another incoming 5 ;w;) and the reblogs and the fics. I’m having funa nd take my breaks to make it enjoyable and not turn it into something I dislike, but hence it goes slower. And out of Tumblr I’m doing okay too! 

How have you been, dear Jaz? Besides WAITING FOR MY ASK OTLHave  yuo been alright? And happy? I wonder what else you’ve been up to since you last wrote to me!! Hoping sincerely that it’s been okay with you too because you too deserve SO MUCH HAPPINES LIKE LOADS OF IT!!!!!!! You’re such a nice and good person that does no harm to others, you deserve all em happy things and events. U HAVE ALL IT GOOD KARMA, MY FRIEND!!!

GASPS

YOU’VE BEEN WRITING AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JAZ, THAT’S PHENOMENAL! THAT’S ABOSLUTELY WONDERFUL, AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, JAZ, I’M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU AND ABOUT IT, I’M SO HAPPY AND SO PROUD TO KNOW THAT YOU’VE TAKEN UP ON SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE WRITING, AND MORE THAN TAKING UP, RETAKING BECAUSE IT MEANS YOU USED TO ENJOY IT, LEFT IT FOR SOME REASON, AND YOU RETOOK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*

*EXPLODES*

Jaz, that’s WONDERFUL NEWS!!!! Omg buddy that’s fantastic, you have no idea how happy it makes me when someone says they’ve taken up/retaking a form of art. It’s so beautiful and so exciting, and you’re a friend so that adds a lot to the hype!! Jaz, that’s AMAZING! CONGRATS, BUDDY, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! ( ˙꒳​˙ )

It’s okay that you took a longer break than you had first expected. Be it because you were busy or just lacking the motivation, it’s okay! What matters is that you went back to it and you must have felt so refreshed and welcomed back. The warmest welcoming is the one given after a long wait (but thankfully it wasn’t THAT long either!!). Plus, you took all the time that you needed to get back to it so it means you’re not forcing a single bit of it and that’s PHENOMENAL!!

I’m so happy to know that you’re motivated now, Jaz, all of this is honestly SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY :’3 AKLSJDLAKDGJADLKGJAGLKAJGA AAAAAAAHHHHHH, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

I guess the first time you sent the first part you were telling me what you were writing, so I don’t know for sure what you meant with hoping that one day I can read ‘it’, but I’d love to! I’m very slow at reading things because of the massive updates I do to my fics, but I think that I’d love to. Is it XV related? Original content? I’d get lost if it’s from something that I don’t know, but I can still try if you want me to

Aaah, thank you for asking about the laptop! Lamentably I’m nowhere close to getting a new one. They’re pretty expensive. I’m fine with one of the cheapest because all I want is basic internet access and MS Word lmao, but they’re still quite a price number and I have no job >

I thought about using the money that I’ve saved up from my kofis, but…to be honest, I’m being consciously selfish there, because I don’t want to waste my kofi money in ¼ of the price of the laptop… ;n; I want the kofi money to be mine for games or books, it’s money I’ve earned from doing what I love and I wanted it to go to selfish things, but I’m still debating with myself as to maybe having to put it for the laptop ahaha ;w;

Again, don’t feel bad for being busy!! Real life stuff is more important, and Tumblr isn’t going anywhere (not without a long time warning that we’ve never had, thankfully!), so don’t you stress. I for sure am going nowhere, so you take the time that you need and want :3

And don’t say you’re ‘not keeping me for longer’, because it’s not like you’re taking my time by force, dear Jaz!! You texting to me is a kind gift to me so you’re not taking any time off me, you’re taking YOUR time!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, JAZ, I’VE MISSED YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*sQUEEZES U*

Sweet precious wonderful dear Jaz, thank you soooooooooooooooo LIKE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR DROPPING BY TO SAY HELLO AND SHARE ALL OF THIS WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, I don’t even know where to start, I’m sorry for taking so long, and thank you immensely for dropping by, my friend!! ;A;

Thank you for the time you dedicated to writing to me and the one to read me. It sounds like you’ve been very busy and I really appreciate that you’ve taken some time to write to me, you have no idea :’(

Thank you for updating me on what you’ve been up to, and thank you for sharing with me that you’ve retaken your writing!! Those news made me so happy, and re reading still makes me feel shivers out of the joy askldjfdaklgjaklgjadglkj

Thank you for being as kind and as gentle as you always are with me. You’re so precious and I hope you know that. You’re always so nice and patient and so good with me, I don’t know how to express it enough or how to let you know or how to thank you properly :’3 Thank you so much for being the sweet and warm creature that you are, Jaz. You’re truly phenomenal and I’m very happy that you exist. The world can very easily wear me out, and it’s creatures like you that relieve it off my shoulders. Thank you

I’ve missed you SO MUCH TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every time I re fave both your artworks I think about you and I was wondering what you were doing and if you were okay. And there I was, forgetting that it was me who never replied... :’D Really, seriously, I’m so sorry, Jaz, I didn’t mean to take this long... OTL 

I hope that you’ve been okay, Jaz! Have you been okay and doing better? How’s the writing going? I’m eager to hear about you again, buddy!! :3

I WUV U TOO, JAAAAAAAAAAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALKSDJAKLGDJDAKLGJDAGLKDAJ AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH, LOTS OF HUGS FOR MAH BUDDY JAZ!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ

Dear Jaz, I hope you’re having a FANTASTIC weekend, and do receive lots of raccoonie hugs and sparkles!! HUGZ

[thyrideneverends]

(2017)

Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).

____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]

I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]

I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.

I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.

[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]

_______________________

Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________

Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]

____________________________________________

Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]

_____________________________________________

You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)

Have u ever felt like you're unique or different?   But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..

[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]

_____________________________________________

Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]

______________________________________________

We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.

________________________________________________

[pop-shocks-remade]

Personal

1- How are you? okay

2- Post a picture of yourself. no

3- Do you ever wish you were someone else? all the time babey

4- What is your entire name? ...

5- How old are you? ...

6- Age you get mistaken for: i get mistaken for the 10-15 range

7- Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: canerr yes

8- What did you do on your last birthday? minions (9from despicable me))

9- What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? be more chill

10- What is your hair color? dark brown

11- Have you ever dyed your hair? when i was like 6

12- What is your eye color? greenish blue

13- If you could change your eye color, would you? no

14- Do you wear contacts/glasses? yeah

15- Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it: i dont like it

16- Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body? no

17- Say 8 facts about your body:short,incredibly thin,ugly, bad teeth, long hair,small hands,idrk what else

18- Do you have any tattoos?no

19- Do you have any piercings?no

20- Left or right handed?rgiht

21- What’s your sexual orientation? pan and maybe ace idrk

22- Do you drink? no

23- Do you smoke? no 

24- Do you have any pets? yeah

25- Where do you work? i dont have a job

26- Something you are working on right now: PETA post

27- Do you have any “rules” about food? no

28- Where are you from? NEW YORK BABEY

29- What would you say is your best quality? people think im kind

30- What do you think you’re really good at? being depressed

31- What do you think you’re really bad at?everything really

32- What talent do you wish you’d been born with? art

33- Are you a bad person? yeah

34- Are you nice to everyone? i try to be

35- Say 3 facts about your personality: sad,lonely,angry

36- Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? no

37- What is your ideal bed? Why? soft. comfy!!

38- Did you wake up cranky? no

39- Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? no

40- What do you think about the most? killing myself

41- Share 2 habits: crying, tapping my hands on my computer to music

42- What you want to be when you “get older”? i dont see myself “getting older”

43- What are your career goals? none

44- What is your ideal career? musician or artist, or FBI or NASA

45- Is your life anything like it was two years ago? no

46- Do you replay things that have happened in your head? yeah :(

47- Have you ever had an imaginary friend? im lonely so i rant to fake versions of my friends so maybe

48- Say 10 facts about your room: dirty, swords and blankets all over, i sleep on the floor,i have a garbage can for sprite exclusivley, boxes all over. idrk what else

49- Do you have any phobias? i dont say my fears

50- Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? no

51- Are you allergic to anything? If so, what? no

52- Ever broken any bones? no

53- Ever come close to death? all the time babey

54- Things you like and dislike about yourself: nothing, everything

55- A random fact about yourself: i find it strange people like me

56- What are three things most people don’t know about you? sexual orientation, mental state, my likes

57- An unknown fact about your life: im not comfortable sharing the only one i can think of

58- Share something about yourself others might think is weird: im a loner

59- Five weird things that you like: idrk

60- Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this? no

61- Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? no i dont have one

62- Describe yourself in one word/sentence:im not good at these

63- A quote you try to live by: i tell myself not to be like my past self

64- Leave me a compliment: youre probaly nice

Favorites

65- What is your favorite thing to do? talk to friends

66- What’s your favorite color? prurple

67- What’s your favorite band/singer? gorrilaz

68- What’s your favorite movie? good burger

69- What are your favorite books? the last wild series

70- What is your favorite quote and why? none

71- What is your favorite word? none

72- What is your least favorite word? none

73- What is your favorite type of food? spaghetti

74- Your favorite ice cream? vanilla

75- What’s your favorite animal? axolotl

76- Dogs or cats? both

77- Describe your favourite texture: ??

78- What is your favorite flower? none

79- What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex? anything good

80- What is your favorite season? spring or winter

81- What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die? italy,france,new orleans,canada,australia

82- What are four things you can’t live without and why? idrk

83- Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? idk

84- What’s your favorite television show? steven universe

85- Favorite place to shop at? i dont buy stuff

86- Say 2 facts about your favorite things: i use it to talk to my friends and listen to music Family, childhood and places

i cant really answer most of these so instead of blanking it i just delted it

Friends

101- Would you ever smile at a stranger? yeah

102- Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? both??

103- Who is someone you never tire of? nobody really, i love everyone but i need breaks

104- Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? no

105- Who is your most loyal friend? idk

106- Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? no

107- If your best friend died, what would you do? be more sad

108- A reason you’ve lied to a friend: didnt wanna hurt the,

109- Have you ever felt replaced? all the time babey

110- Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):dont have one

Relationships

cant answer most of these, ask them if you really wanna know ((same goes for childhood and family))

Music, movies and books

175- How often do you listen to music? all the time babey

176- What kind of music you like? chill rock music

177- Do you like to dance? alone yes

178- What was the first concert/show you attended? none

179- Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? no

180- Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past: ...

181- A song that’s been stuck in your head: Room Where it Happens

182- Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:...

183- A book you want to read/have recently read: The Maze Runner

184- Describe your dream library: good books, lots.

185- Last movie you just watched: captain underpants :(

186- Do you like watching what type of movies? horror Situations and crazy things

187- You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done? arm maybe?

189- What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for? weed

190- If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be? dave or karkat

191- You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?split it to my friends or the poor

192- If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? undo everything past me did

193- If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why? sodium or tellerium, its in the name 

194- If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2016

195- You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy? idk

196- If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like? ill disclose a fear: amusment parks, i wouldnt design a ride dawg

197- What is the first curse word that comes to mind? is that a thing that happens to people

198- What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be… my birthday, probaly my birthday

199- Halloween costume idea? idk

200- What are you supposed to be doing right now? nothin really dawg

201- Currently wanting to see anyone? yeah

202- Why you follow me? i dont 

203- If you met me what would you do? have a panic attack

204- Leave me a ridiculous question: no

205- Leave me a cute message: you hot dawg Opinions and beliefs

206- Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now? its typically always empty

207- Do you believe in fate/destiny? no

208- What you wish for on 11:11? to be happy

209- Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm? no, none

210- Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? YESYESYES

211- What is your religion, if any? i dont disclose this

212- Would you go against your moral code for money? no

213- What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind? mind

214- How important you think education is? p important dawg

215- If you were the president, what would you do? alot homie

216- If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?  stop unreasonable hate

217- Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial? the thought i guess

218- If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? the same as everyday be sad and liosten to musoc

219- Which movie character do you most identify with and why?i dont watch movies

Feelings and Others

220- Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? procrastinator

221- Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance: ill just desricbe it: my friend told me someone i wanted to be friend with wanted to be friends with me

222- Say 5 things you love unconditionally: music, HS, my good friends, musicals, art

223- What motivates you in life? people would be upset at me if i killed myself

224- Something that you’re proud of: halexander and roxy fullmetal homestuck follow me

225- Five words/phrases that make you laugh: none

226- Share the story of something that makes you smile: me befrending you guys!!

227- Something you always think “what if…” about: i was dead

228- What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that? my friendships, i learned they were bad people

229- Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life:every experience is an awkward one

230- Something/someone that you miss:my friends kennedy and ellie

231- Are you over your past? no i still hate it and wanna die because of it

232- What is your saddest memory? all of mine are sad IMO

233- One of the hardest moments in your life: i dont wanan share this

234- Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? everything.

235- What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? tell people i like anime

236- What was your most embarrassing moment? i had a breakdown in math class

237- Share one of your fears/insecurities: no

238- Something you’re currently worrying about: what if my good friends dont like me

239- Have you done something you regret very much? i cant elaborate this enough everythign i regret

240- If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be? EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

241- Does anyone hate you? alot of people i assume

242- Do you hate anyone? yeah

243- Are you good at hiding your feelings? yeah

244- What’s something you hide about your personality? sad

245- How do you approach social situations? anxious

246- Are you a social or an antisocial person? antisocial

247- Are you an introvert or an extrovert?introvert

248- Do you care if people talk badly about you? yeah

249- How do you deal with criticism? accept it

250- How you hope your future will be like? dead or not dead and happy

251- What’s something that scares you about the future? ill learn the people i know dont like me

252- Five intems you lust after:what

253- One thing you’re excited for: talking to my friend

254- Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had: i dont remember dreams

255- Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? no

256- Who is your celebrity crush? no 

257- Make a confession: ive almost killed somebody

[haeroniel-doliet]

soo who thinks i should post my art portfolio onto instagram? that being my ib hl art portfolio i did for grading a year ago?

 its special to me bc tho most pages were done over 2-3 weeks bc im the worst kinda procrastinator, i did dedicate a lot of thought to most of those pages and love em. i do enjoy showing off the book to guests but, maybe i should make a thing of it on instagram? bc im posting a lot more on instagram to comemmorate shit ive done and keep a record of it that people i know and trust can wonder through to get a glimpse into my life (esp more recent life) through pretty pictures? i did once upon a time post a pic of a branch on an empty page saying like, first of many portfolio pics to come! and i never posted more than a few other glimpses to my work, i think a lot of people would appreciate seeing them even if they cant read them thru (saddest bc i actually have no access to the powerpoint of the book edited to be graded, nor do i have the rationale or any descriptions of my main art pieces submitted for grading a) bc they deleted my school email without warning and b) my old art teacher hasnt gotten back to me and i havent gotten the chance to visit school, (i probably will after exams and im back in london)) unless i get those pictures i wont be able to post my proper art up, and if i did get them id probably make them into a facebook post bc that exhibition is still my profile picture and probably will be for time to come bc it shows me delighted and proud after putting up one of my biggest achievements in art. that in mind i could be ironic, wait a while now (esp bc i just have posted like almost everyday london pics etc) and wait till im back in london for the summer, and have a thursday (great bc ib exams are in may anyway, so proper just over a year memorial!) to post them, gives a bit of a gap in florals i suppose, and a break to all my 25 active followers from me posting all the time and then going silent for long. maybe itd be good to have a: london london london: couple pics of aberdeen to sum up the year/travelling scotland on the way back down: then wait a bit and then post them (as im back to my 3 in a row, thatd be at most another 6, maybe 3 just bc i love putting pictures up as memories, especially after i lost so many bc of my phone and since i dont like facebook, think i post up to 30 in a row bc it allows up to 10 hah maybe its oto much, but its one of those things thats not annoying? you can easily ignore it, its not my face, its not me bragging per say, its just me going look people who know me and care even a little bit, heres some pictures i think are pretty and a little context to whats up in my life! anyway. thats a good plan not to do it rn, bc i have all summer to post them the book is going nowhere its too precious, and even better i could potentially post scans not just the pictures, but nobody really reads what i wrote anyway soeh. and then i’ll have it on my instagram to show to people whereever i am without whacking out a great big book (still appreciated by real guests at the house, wow that sounds pretentious) and its 24 pages, some shitter than others, but that means i can divide them up to 8 each post, potentially in order as they appear in the book, but gotta be careful i dont end up with a shitty page on the first one, maybe ill put my 3 showstopper pages up ( being branch, kiefer, smth.) but i also dont want them to just be glanced over if theyre my best idk ill take some arranging, maybe pick 3 thatll compliment each other in a row and then gather things into them as they go,

 i.e. project pages! i.e. technique pages! i.e. inspiration/artist pages!

 that could group them quite nicely, and then ofc i have long captions, but i dont wanna blab too much about like, oh yeah technique was kinda never my choice, and the inspo artist pages are my faves. and then ofc illpost my front and back covers (thatd make an interesting series as them being the first and last first pic, as if they frame the middle, but considering instagram likes to stick to a shape per post, i might just include them as a spread at the end of one of them. write a few lines along lines of 

1st TBT to my complete portfolio page in ib hl art that i once upon a time hinted at here, but never got to posting more about. but infact i love all the work ive done and its one of the things im terribly proud of, and even if i dont currently have any solid pictures of my exhibition, within here are some progress etc pics of those works that i exhibited. 1/3 

ill work on the rest of this later probably 

[im-reed-ing]

tagged by: @heroiiic u are a cool person and I am a chicken nugget thats too scared of bothering u on discord, but if my phone wasn't physically broken id share u a screenshot every time soren came to say hi to me in FEH

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

((alright but when have I ever followed the rules...... just sayin))

1. nicknames: reed... uh..... sometimes ppl call me weed to mock me but then i just punch them and its good (just kdding im weak as shit)

2. gender: hey so i find that if you don't identify yourself, people you talk to online are less likely to preemptively subconsciously stereotype you and therefore judge you before really getting to know you. So let's keep it that way. Unlock lvl 3 friendship before I reveal who I truly am to you LMFAO

3. Star sign: aries grr!

4. Height: 5'5", maybe 5'6" ??? idk man all i know is my little sister is taller than me and it makes me mad bc I personally am not that short!!!!

5. time: 2:16 am

6. bday: March 22

7. favorite bands: well shit uh, Sakanaction, Bump of Chicken, Dogcatcher, The Oh Hellos, FOB, Unison Square Garden.... im sure im missing something but... o well.

8. Favorite Solo Artist: I can't choose so u get all of em. Hachi (Yonezu Kenshi), Aimer, Sasakure.UK, Harito, Keichi Okabe, EMI EVANS god ,,, As well as a collection of, indie people,... and anyone that did the drakengard/nier osts / gravity rush 1 & 2 Osts, wow. seriuosly. Amazing.

9. Song stuck in my head right now: Douse shinundakara, (its a lie that its not stuck right now but its been for the past few days!) because I found the jp translation and made english lyrics and have been practicing hittin those high notes in the car on the way to school LMFAO.... same with hoshii no kieta by Aimer.;..... its like car karaoke hawhaw

10. Last movie I saw was. Uh. UHHH. In theaters, it was Hitmans Bodyguard, which by the way was campy and ridiculous and pretty funny if seen with the right people.

11. Last show I watched: was Rick and Morty, earlier today, in my school lounge on my computer. s3 ep 7 is really, really good. Like really good. It's also pretty fucked up.

12. when I created this blog: its been. A very. long time. this blog has only really ever been for reblogs... if u wanna chat w me find a discord server im part of and bother me there... or pm me, because i prefer one on one conversations even if im shit at keeping them going.

13. what I post: oh shit i answered this one already by accident OOPS UHHHH i reblog good art, shitty memes, and PSA's that I think are important. Im here to haev a good time. I have a seperate art blog that's in my about tab so there's that.

14. last thing I googled: the definition of the word galvanized. I am now slightly more verbose.

15. do I have any other blogs: like, two. artblog, old blog where I uploaded covers when I was in middle school, and a personal vent blog.... i accidently reblogged something to there though so I deleted it oops lmfao. But its ok, it was meant to be ephemeral and writing my thoughts down is therapeutic so I'll make another one once again.

16. do I get asks: literally never. Not even bots, LMFAO.

17. why did i choose my url: I've stuck with the name Reed for a really long time now but its also a pretty generic name, so i came up with this shitty pun and it stuck. it's probably my steam username too but like shifted around a little. any time i can't get 'reed' as a username i default to im.reed.ing or something like that.

18. followers: whoa, 175, really???? I get the impression that quite a few of them are inactive though, or i post so irregularly and infrequently that no one ever sees my posts LOL.

19. following: 380 and still counting. I turn on notifs for artblogs I really like!!! >;3

20. favorite snack for movie/tv: Honestly I used to not chow much while watching or itd be something generic like chips, but recently I started marathoning naruto of all things w a friend and we go to the asian supermarket beforehand and we get like a bunch of popped rice chips or sweets and various foods and some iteration of hi-chews and THAT is my favorite marathon snack tbh.

21. average hours of sleep: NEVER ENOUGH. It goes from like 2-3 hours on days when i have no self ocntrol... to like 12-16 on days when i... have no... self control.... lays down slowlyl.....

22. wHAT THE HECK THERES NO NUMVER 22 TRIKEY skdjhfksu cMON MANG

23. lucky number: my rng is shit but my favorite number is 4 because someone dear to me likes that number... but also because 4 is unlucky in some places, which I identify with.... but also bc 4 is the # of sides in a square/diamond, and squares are perfect and good shit and  aesthetic. My boyfriend is a squa-- //kicked jk jk  ramiel is a octohedron, i take it bac k ....

24. instrument: i can play the piano (barely) but I used to also do violin trumpet and a teeny bit of flute.... learned the ocarina too bc im a zelda nerd, and I dont mean that silly little 4-hole one. But I also sing and stuff and have been actively practicing, one day ill make a decent cover and learn to mix and be one of dem cool youtaites..... lays down slowly. this is fine.

25. what I am wearing right now: a lot of things,,, a watch, a hyper light drifter sweater. headphones, underwear, pants, a tshirt, socks, existential dread... u name it lol.

26. first celeb crush: since i honestly never cared much for real life celebrities, i'll just give you my anime/video game crushes instead and like...... wow i can't honestly remember my first ones???? oh shit wait OK it was probably both ashitaka and san, my first ghibli movie was mononokehime...  they are just so freaking coo l... ok thtas a lie i lowkey wanted to BE them. Both of them.

.... idk man u cant ask an aroace person what their crushes were bc idk what those are!!! I assume u just really really really like something/someone and thats that, I GUESS??? I wanted to be link too once upon a time. And nausicaa. and a good chunk of the soul calibur 2 cast, and starfire from oldtimey teen titans. i was a simple child ok???

27. dream job: listen thats complicated idk about what my dreams are for a job, but I do want to be an animator and a storyboarder and a game developer and a game tester and a movie critic and a cinematographer and a director and a story lead and an illustrator at some point, and gotta try it before I can knock it ya know?

28. Dream trip: anywhere, so long as its with the people I really love. One day, I'll pack a few things into my car and run away for a little while. I'll come back some day! But for those long hours on the road with another person or two, marvelling quietly at the world around them as it passes and listening to music in the car... that sounds like a nice temporary reprieve.

29. favorite food: i fucken love poki bowl. SPICY SEAFOOD + RICE YAAAaaas

30. nationality: was born in murica, but both my parents are immigrants from now-ukraine. So we all speak russian at home lul.

tagging people: ha, tags are for nerds. @one-becomes-two @trash-knights @nhiners @awishwee @deerwood @montejeska @queenchro @chicken-mcnobody DONT HAVE ANY MORE BLOGS I CAN REMEMBER this will have to do.