#i dont use headphones a lot
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noise cancelling headphones actually changed the game its so easy to clean when u can't Hear anything
#i didnt think it bothered me before but now that i dont hear clattering dishes its so good#its like im using no energy at all. still ready to go after. AUGH#easier to zone out i guess lmao#(wearing headphones bc a lot of noise annoys me... vs metal screaming in the headphones... make it make sense)#i actually get to wear headphones at work. but only one ear. but u know what i'll take it
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jp fans out there like, at long last i have decided to sell my merch. it was kept unopened and unused in the original box in a humidity-controlled room with no direct sunlight and i dared not even look at it more than once semi-annually for nine years for fear my gaze would damage it. buyers, please be aware that oxygen has touched the outside packaging of the product and only buy if that doesn't bother you.
meanwhile me, with the merch i buy,
#li shut up#there isn't too much of a market for jl merch in the us so if i worry about resell value and dont actually enjoy the product id be stupid#but it's so funny#albeit i actually dont have a lot of 'useable' merch LMAO most of it is just nuis that are out of the bags and across from my window#covered entirely in dog fur that will never wash off#the extremely expensive jl pillows are with those as a compromise bc better they be faded and dusty than yellowed from my#nasty sweat :skull: but leaving them in the boxes was never a choice#i wish phones still had headphone jacks.... for phone charms............... :^)#:') i have so many charms#fondly caresses julius charm where the paint started chipping off
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what's wrong with the existing ship names why do we need new ones
#lohst.txt#answer: most of them are impossible to figure out#do you know how long it took me to figure out why expensive headphones was called expensive headphones#hi hey hello I'm just talking shit again#if i dont like the ship name then i wont use the ship name. simple solution#the new ship names are following the same 'rules' i guess as the pre existing ones#theres. like. very few ship names that are portmanteaus#like. richjake. meremine. meremy hell. bich. deere. dillinjer. a certain ship that i dont want to name#but. yknow. a lot dont make sense#pins and patches came from. i think. a headcanon#i could jave sworn boardwalk boys came from a boy band au#*have#ive always called dirty blondes flower kids. only because the one person who wrote flower kids fics called them that#and that makes less sense than dirty blondes#look. half of them dont make sense and i dont know why theres new ones popping up#but im attached to them and some of them are good#royal pains?? i love it. stagedorks? classic. pinkberry?? amazing#also theres. like. no nice way to blend brooke and chloe#i dont think. or nothing i like the sound of#and i started calling the popular kids polycule 'high school royalty' because. well. they are#anyway i have thoughts about ship names#but im currently only capable of just saying things with no substance. just expressing dislike#so. this is another post of lara just talking shit on a non rebloggable post#it is almost 2am. that is all. goodnight
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re: your recent tags about the gameboy sp! that boy's got headphone adapters i POMISE!!!
the magic of modern science. wow...
#ask#sapphicdroid#i did look it up to fact check myself after i reblogged the post and saw the adapters#honestly when i was younger i never knew it didnt have a headphone jack#granted the only time i ever saw one in person was on the school bus with a friend#he played pokemon blue on it and i dont remember the details of all that went on during#i mightve also seen another kid on the bus play pokemon emerald. i dont remember.#however that was my first exposure to gen 3 pokemon. as a kid i only knew about Red Blue Yellow and Crystal#my brothers had Red and Blue. and so thusly i have both games now. i... dont know where my copy of Red is though.#i have a copy of Yellow from Ebay but it loses its memory sometimes. which i think is why it was put on Ebay in the first place#Crystal however? well first i knew of gen 2 through pokemon stadium 2#we had both pokemon stadiums for the n64. or. well. still do have them.#speaking of. sure does suck to go through the gym leaders and elite 4 in those games. mostly due to how long rounds are.#emulated it a while back and i had to use the fast forward feature a lot#anyway. Crystal. somehow i got my copy from a random coat in a clothing store. just. in the pocket.#i dont know how i managed to find it. it was either in a coat my mom was looking at or i was looking through pockets... probably the former#anyway within like a week. a kid in 3rd grade stole it from me#i... think i got to the elite 4? i remember getting to the last dude with the charizard. forgive me for forgetting his name.#but like right after i had it stolen. i got on the bus and vented to my friend and he was like ''oh i have two copies of crystal''#and then gave his second copy to me. i forget if it was on the day of or if it was the next day.#anyway that same day it got stolen again. by the same kid. that kid stole so much shit from me#he switched schools the next year so i couldnt do anything about it#i have uhhh... soul silver now. so its not that big of a deal these days#anyway thank you for the ask :) i appreciate you telling me anyway
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busy trying not to let panicking depresso espresso brain take over my life rn
#im not functionally in trouble for anything kinda#but i left my wired headphones in and visible yesterday by accident and it kiiinda got us a safety bulletin this morning#about how theyre like ... blanket banned from this site ...... even though were in a fucking field all day and its dull as hell#but that aside like the site leader im with takes the 'i dont give a fuck but dont get me in trouble' stance#and in fairness i wasnt the only one mine were just more obvious lol#but i also KNOW he's one of a select group of petty gossipmongerers#the guy is usually pretty cordial and was nice for the rest of the day#like functionally i still did my job and went beyond by forwarding missing information after work#so whoever has to finish my paperwork can do it easily without manually flipping through everything#it was an accident ;____; i just had noise in because my brain was being a dick this week#'i dont care if people like me' i say .. sniffling ...#the only reason this is a problem is because our primary contractor sucks lmao#theyve got profession & site wide rules and this one is because yes its dangerous to work in close proximity with plant with headphones#are we anywhere near plant ??? no. is everyone single earbudding this just in case of an emergency???? yes.#do we spend all day in a field alone a lot of the time in miserable ass conditions ??? yes!!#are we that dumper driver who drove OVER someones truck because they were blasting metal into their skulls??? NO.#and aside aside from that he did say to one of the guys he likes most 'if they cant then you cant' and made him take his out#so like ... i think im fine im just kfjskfj#anyway im fine im just embarrassed and stressed#rory's ramblings
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omg.... my new nearest audiology department actually has an EMAIL TO CONTACT!!!!!!! we're so fucking back baby
#looking to register bc i havent had a hearing checkup in like. 4-5 years lol#im supposed to have repeats every 2-3 years but my old audio dept is on the other side of the country....#and my hearing loss has been stable since i was 2 yrs old so its not super urgent to keep track of..#but ive had my current hearing aids for over 6 years now i think which is the average lifespan. and they still work fine#but i really should be taking them in to adjust every six months n get new moulds fitted regularly....... oops#i do replace the tubing but yeah im way behind on maintenance#and considering i wear them like 50 hours a week n im kinda dependent on them at work i need to keep on top of it more#ALSO what i reaaaaally want is ones that have bluetooth connectivity bc when i last got mine that tech wasnt widely available#but now i think theyre nhs standard. so fingers crossed i can upgrade plsss i wanna be able to use them for phone calls n music!!!#i can make a good case for it if needed cuz i need to use headphones at work sometimes#actually might be able to get an access to work grant for bonus hearing aid equipment..... i should look into that#i was skeptical for ages bc i had a VERY old roger mic as a kid which was effectively a box on a lanyard i had to give to ppl#it was clunky as shit and had awful sound quality i gave up using it after a year or two#but now they have very sleek n subtle ones n the tech has improved so much like it filters bg noise n can connect to tvs n shit#so would be really useful in meetings or when im like. at a restaurant or somewhere w a lot of bg noise....#ahhhh itll take time to get everything sorted tho. need to start w just getting this audiology referral in place#ill swing by the gp practice after work tmr and ask for an appointment for that#need to get dressed and leave the flat.... but i dont want to 😔#in a bit....#.diaries
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Current phone: £200, has lasted 4 years
Phone I'm considering: £800, so logically will last 16 years
#this is the only way the price makes sense#feeling stupid and guilty about considering spending that much#because like. you can buy a smart phone for £70 and it's probably FINE#and the expensive ones dont even come with a case or a screen protector or a charger plug or a head phone jack.#or a headphone jack adaptor.#like it's so shit#but also. i use that thang for like 6 hours a day#its my most used object. apart from my bed maybe ??#so in that way getting something good that will (hopefully) last is justifiable#but i shouldn't have to justify it anyway because im an adult and i work and i save a lot#and it's a one time purchase for like. hopefully 5 years lol#16 if im lucky#and cozy lives is only going up#woes of emily
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I cant believe im saying this but color pulse 24 doesnt sound as fucking horrid in game😔
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i ran into my ex ex crush on the elevator while rushing to my evening class and I didn't even get to say hi but I think she recognized me when we made eye contact
#she was getting off the elevator i was getting on she was talking to a friend but our eyes met when she looked over her shoulder#i had my headphones on and i probably looked dead tired so neither of us stopped to say hello#she cut her hair. still pretty as ever lol#i barely even knew her 😭 she was so fucking nice though#maybe im saying that because she had a laid back personality and bc she made me feel special#like she would compliment me so much but it always seemed genuine#i thought she was so cool bc of she dressed spoke and acted in general and she was super intelligent to top it all off#it just never went anywhere because i was way more afraid last year i think . i dont think afraid is the word actually#i was so convinced that nothing was worth even trying#i won't lie i still feel that like 3/4 of the time rn but hey. 1/4 of the time i dont and thats a lot more than 0#anyway. yeah#z.post
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heaven lost an angel today... i sadly bought wireless headphones 😔😔😔
#Its bc i want to dance at that one mall but theres a lot of ppl and i dont wanna play the music out loud bc my laptop doesnt get loud#enough so yk. i cant use wired headphones to listen to the music on my laptop so.. yea. also its just so much easier living here and using#public transport to have wireless headphones. hhhhh#i couldve bought a speaker and forced everyone in zhongshan to hear gingamingayo but the headphones are useful for the train
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Could I ask 9 and/or 4?
got two people asking for 4 so i'll get to it lol but first:
9. What are your file name conventions
well it depends, usually now they're p straightforward (often for organizational purposes)
sometimes tho they're kinda funny
4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw
oh there's probably a LOT honestly that i'm just forgetting abt but for one i'll say a certain bitch: FUKASE
ohhhhh my god. love that bastard but also wtf dude. aside from wildly inconsistent characterization in my stuff (b/c honestly he's a really interesting character who has a lot of potential for different interpretations, imo) I KEEP FUCKING UP HOW I DRAW HIM 😭😭 i'll forget some detail or another (like on his outfit or the fucking x thing near his mouth or the little flag on his head), colors aren't always consistent cause i keep changing them (sorry my guy your current red is kinda too high contrast and i got color theory shit going on in my things), I CAN NEVER FUCKING DRAW HIS HAIR RIGHT EVEN THO ITS NOT EVEN THEORETICALLY THAT HARD OF A HAIRSTYLE, not even his height's fucking consistent either he's a goddamn mess. award goes to him for sure in being THE most inconsistent variable vocaloid bitch in my shit, not just hc/portrayal-wise but also drawing wise because FUCK even if i draw him somewhat often HE LITERALLY LOOKS DIFFERENT EVERY FUCKING TIME
len's hair is also a bitch sometimes but for some reason i (usually) have less trouble w/ his hairstyle compared to fukase's WHICH IS SOME FUCKING BACKWARDS ASS LOGIC BRUH THE HELL
weirdly specific artist asks
#ask#anonymous#ask meme#SORRY THE RESPONSE WAS DELAYED i was in class and in general i take forever to type this shit up and i wanted the file name pics#those are all from images ive already posted im pretty sure; have fun guessing which are which if youre up for that challenge lol#my file names used to be more exciting when i was younger but now theyre kinda usually just the title or smthn related to the subject etc#that isnt to say i dont still have funny file names but some of the funnier ones are like inside jokes nobody would get or sm shit like tha#just in general theres QUITE A LOT of vocaloid design choices that are fucking hell on earth for me to draw sometimes#took me a while to figure out piko's hairstyle. and the details on his dress/boots/headphone things are fucking hell still rip so i simplif#i havent drawn maika a lot but like the one time i did i realized her design is actually kinda fuckin weird. same can b said for many other#i love them dont get me wrong but AUGHGHH dies sometimes. idk why some shit is easier for me to draw and some not ??? logic#i can say i can pretty much draw oliver from memory tho so clearly theres a bias here#ollie the star anon
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Would you happen to know somewhere to watch Knight Rider with subtitles?
i don't, no :') it's not available on streaming anywhere, and the DVD i'm borrowing (came from amazon originally) doesn't have any subtitles, which is a nightmare to me personally. wish i could be of more help!
#liz blogs#knight rider#kr#ask#anonymous#anon#if you like to sail the seven digital seas you might be able to find fansubs somewhere? maybe? it's Gotta exist somewhere i figure#although i was just at a local disc replay yesterday and they had lots of knight rider box sets for only a couple bucks#so if you don't NEED subtitles but are really dedicated to watching it and dont wanna pay $2 an episode then try your local physical media#second hand shops#i am a Subtitles Needer myself unless i use headphones wbhdfgjhbfg
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rewatching cake the cat and the soundtrack is like, straight up dramatic drums and strings and a choir, holy cow
#dip speaks#at:fc#at the very least where cake and the squirrel fight the tree roommates#havent been paying attention before till now. ive got headphones on too so i can actually Hear It this time sdsdfjhdsf#it doesnt seem very adventure time-y?? as much as i fuggin love it#so i went back and listened to the music in other bits and pieces of the episode#and it's like all similar to that too#sorta gives me gravity falls vibes actually#i dont reallyyy remember but adventure time's always had like. chiptune electronic sorta music i think#so i wonder what's up with that. has AT used string choir drum music before??? idk#im not sure about distant lands tbh. if i rewatch it (and i do wanna rewatch wizard city) i wanna see what the ost is like with that#idk i just find this pretty interesting#oh i definitely remember noticing it with the marketplace#yeah fionna and cake is a lot more high fantasy-esque with the music here
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my phone hasnt vibrated or played music from the loud speakers in like 6 months and now for some reason they just work again??
#mostly unrelated#ive had to only use headphones all this time#it scared me when my phone turned on and vibrated#i dont even know what happened#magic i guess#like the car in fanged and furious#maybe my phone is a vampire#it could totally be that because i bit my lip the other day and i got blood on my phone#im glad i didn't get my phone fixed before because it wouldve been a lot of money#me
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one take I still see a lot from people about current musicians is this sort of sentiment that an act that is by most metrics seen as successful isn't actually successful because "they've never heard of/ the general public has never heard of X musician- they just sell a lot of records/get a lot of streams but they aren't truly popular" and it just strikes me as being so out of touch? for better or for worse... that's just not how it works anymore.
Like it is true that once upon a time if a group sold a million+ records, in the least that meant national fame, and more than likely some amount of international fame. of course there was always one hit wonders who would fall off the charts never to be seen again, but I think the general sentiment is fairly correct, it was easier to be a well known ~star~ in the past. even if people didn't listen to you themselves they would probably hear a song on the radio or see you performing on the tv, so being able to identify someone as That Person With The Hit Song was more common. So it's true, we don't have as many big names as we used to- Yep, most people would agree to that.
But still I keep seeing people repeat that idea of "the musician you're talking about isn't famous/successful because mostly it's just their fans who know who they are and not any random person on the street" and its just like... Yeah. That's how it works now? there's a few people who manage to crack the mainstream and be everywhere, but generally that's not how it happens. A person can get a song with hundreds of millions of plays and sell out a concert for thousands people and unless you're tuned into that person/group or know someone who is, you can completely miss it. That is the impact of the internet.
I see this sort of take from people about foreign acts a lot, too- this idea that a kpop group or a singer from Latin America that sell out a tour in the US or Europe isn't actually famous because the average Joe doesn't know them and once again I just... A sold out tour doesn't lie? And that doesn't even get into the fact a country like the US never gives foreign acts as much respect or screen time as they do homegrown musicians, so why should I give a shit that Joe from Boston who never leaves his little bubble isn't aware of someone I like?
Also, music television barely exists now (in the west, anyway) people don't listen to radio as much as they used to, for many people they don't listen to the radio at all, and record stores are nothing like they used to be. The way we consume music is different. in my opinion it is much worse, but regardless, it is different. You can't say someone who has an invested fanbase, someone who gets a decent amount of listeners, who gets a good amount of sales (whether of cds/digital downloads or of live performances) is unsuccessful because old Jeanie from down the street doesn't recognize the name. That is not how it works anymore.
#like theres a lot to be said about streaming#about how many fanbases manage to inflate numbers etc etc.#but for tangible like cd sales for concert sales for general success#using the 'well no one I know in the continental US is aware of BTS so therefore they aren't successful in a way that matters' is just...#it's just so tone deaf and out of touch. 30 years ago that would have made sense but not anymore#the existence of the internet and headphones means you can never hear other peoples music tastes and vice versa-#just bc you dont know someone doesn't mean they're going to fail or they have no success#anyway#the music industry#popular music#kpop#blackpink#stray kids
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ur highschool bully gojo was chefs kiss 💋 what do u think about them going to the same college and taking the same classes?? and the reader sitting next/talking to some other guy and satoru gets jealous?? arwahhhshdhshshs so many possibilities, i hope u continue writing it!!
hi nonnie !! thank you so much :) this is ur official part 2 ! i was struggling to think up some possibilities but this helped a lot :oo | read part 1 here ! -> cw: swearing, jealousy, i let it get fic length oops
(former) highschoolbully!gojo on the brain again… like. when you end up seeing him again however many months later, and you can tell that he’s changed. it’s not like its immediately obvious to anyone who doesn’t really know him like you (used to); but he’s a little softer-spoken and his smiles seem nine times more genuine. it’s not a hundred percent; the kind that really lights up his face instead of just barely falling short of his stark blue eyes, but it's something.
of course, you have nothing to base it off of, because when you do inevitably see him again it's the very definition of meet ugly.
college is a new frontier, but its also a clean slate. its your first time going into something so new without your old bestfriend at your side, but some faint flickering thought reminds you that it might be better that way. but the universe is against you from the very first day, when youre gettin yourself some coffee from the same chain you did the morning of that fateful presentation so many moons ago. you're too busy thinking to yourself what kind of strange parting ritual it is to relive your trauma to notice the lanky, white-haired boy who hits his head on the chiming bell over the doorway. people are giggling around you n sighing dreamily but youre too deep in the music pumping through your headphones to notice and your eyes are glued to the class schedule on your phone, trying to ensure you dont get lost on the first day when—
you blink and your ass is flat on the dirty floor of the coffee shop, and the first thing you register is that your stomach is soaked and burning. you'd spilled your coffee. it takes you a moment to realize, but when you do you're pissed. so you quickly get to your feet, trying to reign in what little of your ego you have left to give the offender who bumped into you a piece of your mind as you look up, then..
how unlucky do you have to be?
just like that, satoru's slid himself back into your life, after ramming through its locked gates. you forget that he always forgets the point of keys, both when it comes to his apartment (which you still have the spare key of in case of emergencies), and the door to your heart. to rub salt in the wound, the only thing that's stained with your coffee order are his shoes, which look like they cost three weeks of your old job salary, but it's all over your shirt. of course it is. because why not? make it look like you tripped and fell into a patch of mud on your way to the lecture hall and tack on an unwelcome reunion with your ex-bestfriend.
to you, it's like the cloud of gloom from your highschool youth has resettled over your head like a swarm of gnats on a dreary, hot summer day. the stars always seem to skew and misalign themselves for you. but for satoru, the stars have handed him one of those huge swirly lollipops that you only ever see being paraded about by toddlers. he recovers almost instantly, trading the burn on his feet and the way it sours your expression like he's just squirted pure citric acid into your throat for a pleasant burn of his own on his cheeks. but it's whatever. girls seem to like it when he blushes, for some reason. he won't question it, if it works on the only one he cares about.
he holds his hand out, ready to help you out like the good samaritan he's become— and it's like a real burn to his heart this time when you ignore it and stand up on your own, refusing to look up and meet his pleading gaze. might as well have taken an iron stoker right out of the fire and jabbed him with it. but he's gojo satoru! he won't be defeated by this one mere, maybe very significant reunion. he's got stamina.
so he offers to buy you a new drink, feels his heart sink when you shake your head (can't even spare a little 'no' in his direction), and talks enough for the both of you when you leave the dingy little store make your way down to campus and the lecture building. you clearly don't want to see him, but he ignores that in exchange to notice the way you shiver every so often. the previously searing-hot coffee that stains your shirt turns cold fast, and moisture n wind don't mix well. he wishes he could offer you some of his own warm coffee, no doubt sickeningly sweet, but he has some sensitivity now, apparently. so, in a brash moment, he decides to take his blazer off and drape it over your shoulders instead.
when you cross the threshold between city and campus, you expect him to yank it off your back and be on his merry way. but he keeps walking next to you, so you walk a little faster, and you absolutely loathe the cheeky little grin that curves the corners of his lips up to show a glint of teeth when he effortlessly keeps up. you curse his long legs when you find yourself winded, but at least you can lose him when you get there.
or, that's what you think. once again, your constellations break themselves to rebuild anew for satoru. you're about to call him a stalker when he follows you all the way to your classroom with that smirk that's growing exponentially until— oh, no.
your phone that's been on the schedule up until now desperately scrolls to the roster— and there it is. he's in your class. needless to say, not another word goes between you as you stomp in and take a seat. luckily for you, you've already corresponded with your roommate's brother (who's annoyingly cute, satoru notices) and agreed to sit next to each other. satoru takes the seat right above you and never stops kicking his freakishly long legs against the wood the entire time.
so yeah, it's obvious he's not a saint; he still has that undoable ego and he's cocky as fuck (as you have the misfortune of finding out when he quickly bullies your professor), but there's a certain familiarity in that no matter how ugly it might appear to others. and if you asked (which he really, really hopes you will someday), he doesn't hang around douchebags who use kids' foreheads for ashtrays and treat girls like they're candy from a glittery pez dispenser. and at least he's switched harassment targets. even though he has an overwhelming sense of superiority over others and never has his lips together for more than five seconds, and even though he has this hellish habit of clicking his pen whenever he's not talking (or when someone else is), it seems like he's changed.
and over time, you gradually find yourself warming up to him. the spunkiness that used to get on your nerves ceaselessly becomes an object of endearment, and you don't really mind the way he never seems to stop moving anymore. it's a nice sort of distraction in the lifeless still of the lecture hall, albeit the pen clicking still drives you near insanity. you notice he always does it obnoxiously and quickly when you're talking to your roommate's brother, but you ignore it.
and for satoru? he hates that he can kinda sorta really tell that you're the only one who can read him like he's a damn book, cus you slowly start to soften up in the nostalgia of his presence like cold playdough between warm fingers that tell you he may have finally caught you again after letting you slip the first time. and he notices it. this time, he's determined not to let you be the one that got away again. but youre really giving him a shit time outta it with the way you constantly entertain the guy who always has his breath in your face.
yeah, he's got a cute face that's sunkissed by freckles. yeah, his hair looks like he models for shampoo companies. and fuck, he has a nice voice. but what of it? satoru's the one with the mesmerizing blue irises and the cloudy white hair your professor wishes he had instead of sad little wisps of old age. still, as chilly days turn into frigid weeks, he gets the perfect backseat angle of the growing relationship between the two of you. the boy's kinda dumb so you copy off of satoru’s work when you need to (he has to hide the 1-0 scoreboard between him and the guy on a sticky note from you when you take his notes), but said guy’s always buying you stuff and lending you erasers and laughing when you flick the shavings at the annoying girl who never stops whispering in the front of the room.
satoru tries to act unbothered, and he almost convinces everyone. including himself. but the angry, burning knot in his chest that's entirely different from coffee stains suggests something more. that should be him at your side. him, making balls of paper with rude scribbles and silly doodles to throw at the people he knows you don't like. him, surprising you with little gifts and the cheap trinkets he knows you adore so much instead of all the luxury things he could afford. there's no way this punk could possibly measure up to him, right? but at least you and satoru are well on your way to becoming friends again. not as close as you used to be, but it's something. substantial. and he's learned to be patient in the time you've been gone.
but he'd be lying through his teeth if he said he wasn't tired of it. he’s endlessly plagued with thoughts of increasing intensity— first, it starts out with just you. only you. the way he likes it. the way he likes your face, and your pretty eyes and your gorgeous lips and your soft hair and your figure and the complimenting clothes you wear. but it takes a turn; thoughts turn into dreams that turn into fantasies and he's lying when he says he doesn't enjoy them when he accidentally lets it slip during a group study session— and it’s all fine— but then, that guy appears. the brat who seems to sit a centimeter closer to you with each coming day. not only does he haunt satoru in real life, he’s tormenting his dreams, too. tainting the image of beautiful you.
needless to say, satoru starts to wake up with his hands gripping his damp pillow like he's choking it, acutely aware of the sweat sliding down his neck and over his chest as he stares up at the ceiling, listening to the dorm's air conditioner run and thinking of what it'd be like for dreams (the ones where he replaces the boy) to become reality.
it's a buildup. and soon, he reaches the apex; it's like a rollercoaster, that stomach-twisting moment when you reach the top of the rail that points to the steep descent downward. but this time, he hopes it's a thrill he gets instead of the usual falling fright; the one he got when he realized he’d slipped between your fingers in highschool.
and satoru finally comes to a grinding halt at the top of the ride one breezy fall day when he decides he wants you back in his life after you smile brightly at him and wave goodbye for the day. he’s tired of you having one foot in and one foot out of his heart; he wants, needs more. he always has, he realizes.
so he’s thinking about you and how to approach the feelings he’s realized during those long lectures, and one morning he comes up with some semblance of a plan when he’s high on the sugar from the fruit tea you bought him that morning. and he hopes that, by the end of it, he'll leave your apartment with your hand in his currently empty one, chilled with the remnants of cold condensation from the bottle.
soon enough, satoru finds himself extinguishing his nerves and raising a tense fist to knock on the door with nothing but the clothes on his back and a flimsy plan to ask you out on a midterm study sesh and maybe even a date, but he stops when he realizes it’s slightly ajar. a brief thought of what look might be on your face when he surprises you crosses his mind, so he lets himself in quietly, because he knows every single floorboard that creaks like the back of his palm from his childhood. he’s hit with a wave of warmth and an achingly familiar scent that twists at his heart, and your apartment is cozy and safe and it screams you and he thinks he catches sight of his jacket slung across the back of the couch in your living room, but he’s not sure so he takes a step forward and—
he’s greeted with the sight of that stupid guy with the nice hair and the freckles, and it makes his heart drop. but even worse, he’s kissing you and his arms are winding around your waist but you’re kissing him back with a slight hesitation that’s blinded to satoru by his shock and the fingers he thought would end up in his own tonight card through the boy’s hair and your lips glisten with the strawberry-kiwi flavored gloss he watched the boy give you a few days back and his world is turning red and he feels like his throat is constricting and he can’t breathe—
and he doesn’t even realize you’ve parted lips and you’re calling his name through the newfound tightness of his chest and the painful ringing in his ears thats even louder than any silence of a lecture hall, or the void that should’ve been filled with your voice during the time you were apart. but now satoru realizes he’d take that any fucking chance to have that again because it’s so much better than what he’s stuck with now. having you, but not really having you, because you’re there but you’re someone else’s and you’re not his and he isn’t yours. the best thing he could ever hope for was for you to own an article of his clothing and a piece of his shattered heart, broken into a million fragments. some cruel voice in his buzzing head reminds him to change the scoreboard to 0-100.
and he could buy you cheap hot coffee or earn your smiles from scrunched up paper balls or even hear your laugh with crude jokes, but there’s no point when he realizes he can’t buy you with caffeine or earn you with hitting the back of people’s heads with his bio notes or have you and your laugh all to himself anymore.
it’s almost pathetic, the way satoru’s voice cracks and changes. the look of unadulterated concern on the face of the boy who stole your lips just adds fuel to the fire.
“gojo? what are you doing here— hey, are you okay? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
he noticed you’d stopped calling him satoru a few weeks back. he should’ve seen it coming.
“huh? oh, yeah. i’m good. i think you’re the one hallucinating.”
he’d never told a bigger lie in his life.
satoru had left after excusing himself for intruding. how very unlike him to be so polite, you think.
so in the end, he leaves your apartment with something in his hand, after all. but it's not your own— just his blazer that you’d given back to him before he stepped out the door, taunting him with the faint scent of coffee and lingering perfume. his hope was foolish, so it seems. it’s too bad, he thinks. if it were him, he would’ve sandwiched you against your counter while he kissed. but it wasn’t. apparently, it was your turn for your stars to align at the price of his.
and so, gojo satoru, the boy force-turned man with a chipped ego and a completely broken heart, loses you again.
bonus bonus.. part 2….
#here u go. yes!! u!!!!!! sorry it got long#thank you guys for the reception on the last part literally checking tumblr religiously the rbs and comments made me feel like floating#yea hes a hopeless loser srry i dont make the rules#ABND I TRIED TO HOLD HERRR but there was nothing i could do to stop her from cutting her beautiful blue hair off 🐐🐐#gojo satoru#gojo angst#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo x reader#gojo x you#satoru gojo#jjk gojo#gojo jjk#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x y/n#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk angst#did not proofread b i hope it’s good 🙇♂️🙇♂️#actually i j realized the coffee campus intro part is similar to another fic i’ve read sorry if u noticed that it was on my subconscious 😞#billet-doux
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