#i dont think a long brow runs in my code but u never know
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jrueships · 2 years ago
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cheesin 😁!
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spacedikut · 4 years ago
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my all ; spencer reid
pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader
summary:  ��hey could i do a fic request for an x spencer? could u maybe do something with really touchstarved spencer (bc germaphobia) and him being at first too awkward to go n cuddle and then as he gains more confidence he gets much more touchy and huggy and stuff? and reader being shocked by how cuddly he is? plzplzplz? its totally ok if u dont write it but just wanted to send in the request!” 2689 words
a/n: i hope i did this justice! i love spencer reid!!!!!!!!!
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Spencer first realised how much he loves your touch after a case where he put himself directly in danger.
You ran up, flung your arms around him and pulled him against you so tightly he felt winded.
He was shocked, stunned, and everything in between, but the most important thing is that he hugged back. It felt natural, the right thing to do, and his arms felt so snug and perfect around you his heart stuttered.
You pulled back, noticed his expression, and winced despite his reciprocation, “Sorry. I just. You could’ve died, you moron. You scared me.”
All he did was give you a breathless smile and with a squeeze of his shoulders you let go, allowing him to get checked by a medic.
Spencer struggled to sleep on the jet home, plagued by the thoughts of you - you with your arms around him, how much he enjoyed how it felt.
It felt… wrong to like it as much as he did. Like, in theory, enjoying your physical touch went against his moral code – as a germaphobe, the thought of having to come into contact with anyone in any way makes him want to vomit. But, with you?
You smelt so good, even after running for God knows how long. You were so soft, yet so firm, so warm and welcoming and dear God Spencer has never wanted to touch every inch of someone so bad in his life.
The case was a rough one, so Garcia was waiting for you all with loving eyes and a pitiful smile, arms wide open for whoever may need it. Spencer instantly decides no thanks, but you swoop in and cuddle up to Garcia within seconds of seeing her.
You even place a series of kisses against her cheek, and Spencer is transported back to your hug.
If he was more like Garcia, open to any form of love as long as it’s love, would you have kissed him like that?
His pulse quickens, palms get sweaty and he has to clear his throat to bring himself back to Earth.
He can’t afford to think like that.
But your lips…
No. Paperwork? Let’s do that and not think about a colleague’s lips.
+++
You’re furious.
You told Spencer to wait for backup, to not do anything stupid or irrational and definitely do NOT go in there alone, genius!
And what did he do?
He didn’t wait for backup, did something very stupid and irrational, and definitely went in alone.
And now he’s dealing with a hefty concussion and flurry of other injuries; cuts, scratches, and bruises alike all dotted over him like he’s a connect-the-dots drawing.
The second he wakes up, you’re gonna kill him.
For the time being, you’ll gently thread your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp, and watch his chest rise and fall to ensure he’s alive and breathing.
“Mmm,” A groan, “That feels nice.”
His eyes flutter open. You lean towards the table next to him, pick up the bottle of water and the jello cup, and offer him both.
“Thanks,” He says, hoarsely.
You sit back in your chair. Spencer doesn’t take his eyes off you once. Not when he drinks the whole bottle of water, or when he cracks open the jello and inhales it with one slurp.
Your brows furrow.
“You’re banned from work until you’re fully healed.”
“I’m suspended?!” He guffaws.
“No,” You shake your head, “I’m personally telling you you’re not welcome back until you’re okay.”
“I’m okay now.”
“Do a backflip, genius.”
Spencer giggles, “I can’t do that in peak physical condition, Y/N.”
“Sounds like a cop out to me. So, again, you’re banned from work until you’re fully healed.”
He considers fighting back, but then he remembers what you were doing when he woke up, what he felt when he woke up.
He was confused and, you know, in pain, but there was this tender and soft, repetitive touch that immediately eased him. His subconscious knew it was you, in all your glory and sweetness, that had stayed with him for however long, looking after him even when he wasn’t conscious to know it.
So he just keeps staring at you, spoonful of jello in his mouth.
+++
When you get to Spencer’s place, he looks around like it’s his first time seeing it – awe and wonder painted on his face.
Everything he’s doing, everything he’s going through, you’re putting it all down to his concussion.
On the way here, he told you the whole history of car air fresheners after taking a good five seconds to get a good sniff of the cherry blossom scent you have.
“Let’s get you settled in, huh?” You say quietly, guiding Spencer to his bedroom. He walks a little like a mummy, kinda stumpy and heavy, and he flops on the bed.
You give a lopsided grin as you watch him. He’s mumbling incoherently, shuffling up to the top of his bed to fall flat on his back.
He moans.
“Alright, alright,” You placate, “Let me go… gather some things.”
You don’t know Spencer’s place all that well, so it takes you a while to find even the simplest things like a glass, a flannel, a snack. You get lost in snooping around, trying not to profile him, and the one thing you deduct is his apartment is so him. So Spencer, so lovely and comforting and a little odd.
You can’t get enough.
There’s a weak call from his bedroom: “Y/N?”
“Coming!”
He hasn’t moved an inch from where you left him. He looks so pitiful, bruised eyes and a cut right through his lip, and you almost coo at him.
“I’m not a good cook, so I thought we could order some food later.” You hand him the water and gesture for him to drink. “In the meantime, you need to rest. Mind if I borrow a book while I keep you company?”
You turn to leave, but Spencer’s voice makes you pause.
“Could you play with my hair again?”
A part of you wants to say no, like this is some overly intimate thing he’s asking, but then you remind yourself that he’s injured, which has reverted him to acting like a sleepy child.
“Please?” He looks at you with glassy eyes and he looks adorable, “Only for a little while.”
You say nothing, sliding into bed next to him. He scoots over a little to make more room for you, curling into you before your back hits the bed entirely. One hand rests above the covers, naturally placed on his arm, thumb smoothing him back and forth. The other, the one wrapped around his head, cards through his lightly tangled hair, all warm and loving.
He falls asleep instantly and, not long after, you fall asleep, too.
You both dream of eachother and wake up blushing.
+++
Spencer’s back in work within four days. You’re working a new case the second you arrive.
There’s been a shift in your dynamic and everyone’s noticed it. No one questions it, however, because they’re all aware you looked after him while he was away, and they witnessed how worried you were when you found him, but they can’t help but ogle and whisper.
They might be federal agents, but gossip is gossip and they love it.
You’ve noticed it, too, obviously. JJ tried to tease you about it, after Spencer bought you your favourite coffee and morning muffin on the way to the precinct, but you shut her down (and yourself from thinking about it too much) by reminding her you spent several days caring for him. He’s repaying you, even though you’ve told him he doesn’t need to.
Ever heard of transference, JJ?
A shiver runs through you as you look into the interrogation room. It’s not because of the suspect, though, it’s because the AC has been turned up – a tactic Hotch promises will be worth it despite your chattering teeth.
Something’s wrapped around you, suddenly, light but cosy and adds some heat to you that you need.
It’s a cardigan. Grey, much too big for you, the sleeves falling way beyond your arms and length reaching your mid-thigh. There’s a little red heart with eyes stitched on the left breast.
It’s Spencer’s.
“You’re shivering,” Spencer chastises, seemingly appearing from nowhere, “You know, when we shiver, it’s our bodies doing the opposite of sweating – it tightens the skin and shakes the muscles, a process that conserves and generates heat. We shiver to get warm. Do you not have a coat?”
“Alright, dad,” You tease, “It’s in the conference room. I wasn’t prepared for Hotch to make the unsub an icicle.”
Spencer breathes a laugh, moving closer to reach an arm around you. His other hand presses against your bicep, his grip sturdy as he vigorously rubs up and down your arms to generate heat.
Whoa.
It certainly works. You feel hot, suddenly, but not because of the cardigan or whatever the hell he’s doing, because Spencer has voluntarily touched you and is standing so close you feel like you’re on fire from the inside out. You’re sure your heart skips a beat and you stare at him in bewilderment.
He shrugs, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, “My mom used to do that for me when I was young and got cold. I thought you’d appreciate it.”
You give a shy smile, “Yeah, I appreciate it a lot, Spence. Thanks.”
When Hotch leaves the interrogation room, he half-halts when he sees you in Spencer’s cardigan. It’s the perfect Hotch reaction, combined with the rise of an eyebrow as he walks past you to reconvene with the team.
You don’t take it off when you all walk back to the conference room, and Spencer doesn’t ask for it back.
Everyone notices. A lot of eye contact is made with many questions silently asked.
You and Spencer pretend not to notice.
+++
There’s a knock on your door at precisely 10:12pm. You check because your first instinct is if I’m about to get robbed, I’m making sure the timestamps are correct.
It’s not a robber. It’s Spencer – frazzled, wrapped up all nice and warm like a pretty present, Spencer Reid.
His nose is slightly red from the biting cold outside.
Leaning against your doorframe, you say, “Hey there,”
“Hi,” He waves.
You stare for a couple of seconds, then remember the polite thing to do is invite him in: “Come in, come in! Do you want some tea? You look cold.”
“Coffee would be great, thank you.”
You move to your kitchen, not very far from your front door, but Spencer stays put and awkwardly glances around your place. He loves it, he decides. Very you.
You notice he hasn’t moved, “Make yourself comfortable, Spence. My cat is somewhere if you want to say hi.”
He slowly moves to your couch, removing his coat, scarf and satchel as he does it. Two drinks in hand, you join him and fling your fluffy sock-clad feet onto your coffee table.
“So what can I help you with?” You ask.
Spencer takes a sip of his burning drink, “What makes you think I want something?”
“Why else would you be here? You wanna watch Grey’s Anatomy with me?”
Spencer laughs lightly. You’re right. He’s here for a reason that isn’t to watch TV that he loves to correct with you.
He’s quiet, then, and does that thing where his tongue flicks out to lightly wet his lips in nervousness.
“Something’s been going on.” He starts, ambiguously, “And it’s left me asking a lot of questions.”
Your brows furrow. It’s not like Spencer to be cryptic like this.
“Did it mean anything?” He asks, finally, turning to look at you. “Any of it?”
“Did what mean anything?”
“The.. the playing with the hair, the over-all gentleness, the cuddling.”
Your shoulders tighten up and you hope he doesn’t notice.
He does.
“Spence,” You give a fake laugh, “You were hurt and I was comforting you. Looking after you. You know, like a friend does.”
“No one else did as much as you.”
“You wanted comfort, and I’m more than happy to provide that, Spence. Everyone else was busy.”
“You took time off for me.”
You don’t have an answer for that.
You’re trying to keep the conversation light and breezy to not show your true feelings. You’re not ready for that kind of conversation, but he’s right. You used your vacation days to stay with him and care for him.. and you know you didn’t do it platonically.
“You’re my friend, Spence,” You say, voice soft.
“That’s it? That’s all it was?” He doesn’t sound angry, or hurt, maybe peeved. He won’t look you in the eyes, though.
“What else would it be?”
Spencer scoffs.
He moves away from you, hands running through his hair in exasperation when he lets out a breath.
“We cuddled, Y/N. I haven’t done that with anyone in-in years! The last person was my mother when I was ten years old!”
“That’s supposed to mean something?!”
“I-I don’t know,” He sounds exhausted, as if the complications of his emotions are taking way too much energy out of him, “But I really liked it. And I really like you.”
You look at him, then, and he’s staring back. He looks… hopeful.
“I really like you, Y/N.”
You swallow deeply.
“I tried to show you with the uh, the cardigan thing,” He scratches the back of his neck, a laugh to mock himself leaving him, “But I’ve never been good with that stuff.”
He moves closer, shifting to face you, eyes remaining locked with yours.
“Say something.” He whispers.
“I-I-“ You stutter, “Are you sure?”
“Of course I am. I’ve spent the last week thinking about it non-stop.”
“Really?” You laugh in disbelief.
“Yeah!” He gives a small smile, “I-uh.. wrote to my mom about you, too. She told me that if I’m this caught up on you, you must be special. Which you are, by the way.”
“I’m special?” You grin teasingly.
“Very special.”
There’s a moment where you think he’s going to kiss you, but instead he shyly asks, “Do you feel the same?”
You bite your lip. “I do. Really, I do. I’m just.. a little apprehensive, I guess.”
“Of what?”
“It’s stupid.”
“Nothing is stupid when it comes to you.”
God, he’s so infuriatingly sweet. You wish you could kiss him all over.
You might be able to, if all this goes well.
“I don’t want things to be weird if we don’t work out.” You admit, adding a shrug to appear casual. It’s not like you’ve worried about this since you realised you liked him.
Spencer tilts his head at you, “You’re already thinking about a breakup when we haven’t even gone on a first date?”
You giggle, which he returns with a smile, “I mean- I like you, Spence, and have for a while. I’ve thought about all outcomes.”
“All?”
You roll your eyes as he gives you a look, “Yes, all. I’d want us to work out but.. what if we don’t?”
He places a now warmed up hand on yours, “Well, we won’t know unless we try, right?” His hold tightens, “I’m willing to give it my all if you are.”
You look from your hands to his face, and decide yes, if there’s one risk you want to take in your life, it’s a risk that could possibly result in you spending the rest of your life with your favourite person on this planet.
So you nod.
“I’ll give you my all, and then some.”
He grins, “That’s quite the promise.”
You don’t reply, instead swinging your legs over his lap and leaning into his side to cuddle up to him. He reciprocates like it’s second nature, hand slipping from yours to wrap around your waist and tug you closer.
“Wanna watch Star Trek as a mini first date?” You look up at him through your eyelashes.
You really are perfect for me, Spencer thinks.
“Yes. Yes I do.”
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dndfuckhouse · 4 years ago
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session 29 - High Tension Situations
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> 🎵  Rogue Encampment / Diablo 2 OST
Cracking open the entrance again as they were taught by Ezra, the group all head down into the cave system remembering the codes and the traps, Keva taking point. They eventually make their way back through the underground, reaching the large dark humid cove again.
Peering about as they come down they see a lot of boats on the waters strangely, as well as lights peeking through windows scattered about the buildings in the dark. Heading into the area proper there looks to be plenty of hustle and bustle down here as well strangely enough. Cloaked and shadowed individuals and groups are walking about quickly and some places look even more boarded up, or are in the process of becoming so. This is probably the loudest they’ve ever heard the place, sounds of hushed muttering and arguments being heard echoing around all the buildings and carved roads.
Finn and Han take their time peering around, it seems as if the people here are emptying out or holing up inside places as quickly as they can. Listening in as they walk by they get whispers from people gossiping about the business upstairs with the lockdown, every now and again hearing words about corpses. They also hear some whispering about disguised royal guards being spotted down in the area earlier. The rest of the party doesn't seem to take as much notice however, simply noting the place looks busy.
Han: "seems like that lockdown is affecting here too... and there could be guard around" Plum: im not worried about no cops Rokka: rokka huddles a little closer to whoever is next to him
Psalm: jesus
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Finn: psalm be like sorry im granblueing rn Plum: he has his phone out Psalm: OH FUCK I MISSED STRIKE TIME AGAIN
Rokka waltzes around in his Chris RokksworthTM disguise while Finn keeps his heavy daytime garb on in the cove, the others dont bother too much with disguising themselves aside from pulling up their hoods. 
The party decide to head over to Renny’s, noting it as the last place they saw Cole and Ezra. They all walk down and around to the centre area of the cove, making their way back to the same dingy looking building and cramped alleyway. They manage to find the right road before getting too lost, recognising the familiar heavy wood door indicating the front of Renny’s inn.
As they enter the area they note that it doesn't look too busy around here, on the way notice a couple heated conversations and busy buildings, but nothing sticks out in particular. 
Sidling up the door, the group give it a good knock, it takes a minute or so before they hear any sound behind it indicating that anyone’s even around. After some shuffling the thin slit in the door slides open and a familiar pair of eyes peer back at the party. It roves over the group for a moment, Han bending over and waving in response. It soon slides back shut and the party stand around listening to a series of unlocking sounds.
Finally the door swings open and there they see Renny, once again holding a pipe in one hand, as she moves to lean against the door frame.
Renny: “ol’ friends of ezra’s in need somewhere to hide out again? seems like you’ve got someone new with you though” she breathes out a wisp of smoke as she levels a long stare at finn Rokka: "Hello again!" Renny: "....hello again darlin" Han: "we're looking for him. you happen to know where he went?" Keva: "a direction would be good" Finn: he stares back, unsure what to say to this lady or if its even important for her to know who he is. Renny: "I haven’t seen the guy since he left the place with that tiefling girl after the other one, if I didn’t know him id worry he was skipping out on his tab” she snorts, but keeps staring at finn expectantly
Cimmorro: slaps finn's back like "pst introduce yourself" Plum: im going to swat finn and tell him to say covertly Rokka: nudges finn Finn: he feels more than uncomfortable. he doesn't need to make it known the barvottes crawl around places like this. switching a few times between looking at cimmorro and rokka before looking at renny. "i am called finnian." he then looks away and pulls his hat down more. Keva: cowboy tilt your hat finn Finn: vargonia culture Renny: she turns as u respond "nice to meet you there finnian, names renny, bit of common courtesy's appreciated" Finn: he nods back, acknowledging the acknowledgement before peeking at renny from underneath the snufkin hat. "my apologies" Renny: she smirks at you Finn: this milf... her aura is overwhelming, finn looks at cimm if he did it right. Cimmorro: cimm looks at u with a nod of acknowledgement Finn: i feel like turning to cimm for social advice is awful Cimmorro: OIJGIAOPJGWOPIAJGIAJIWG I HATE YOUG
Keva: she mumbles "why did...." then louder as she watches the others nudge at finn "...do you know which direction they were headed?" Han: "and did they say anything as they left?" Psalm: "I think we should just cut to the chase about why we're looking for them no? We have good enough reason to believe that they're in danger." Rokka: "and we came to save them!" Renny: "danger huh.... seems to be the trend around here. not really, think he went after that other friend of yours you popped in with. i’m no one to pry into what my patrons get up unless it’s going to disturb others or myself, understand me?” she takes another puff of her pipe and turns her head at you rokka "nice of you" Keva: "other friend?" Renny: “white haired fellow”
Chip: [han nat 1 insight check] renny would never lie to you.... perish the thought Han: tru milfs wont lie to me they love me Chip: so true
Getting a sense the conversation isnt really going anywhere, Cimmorro takes a step back to cast sending to cole while the others continue chatting along with renny, though renny gives him a curious glance.
Keva: "did you notice anything weird with the other guy when he left?" Han: [nods at keva’s q] Renny: "hmm...seemed tired, like he was in a daze. didn't ask"
Cimmorro: "it's cimmorro. do you have any clue where you are right now? any clue at all. keep it brief, this spell cant hold." Cole: after a second or two you hear a response in coles voice in your head "ahuh- is that you cimm?? whoa where are you....were underground uh...some huge group jumped us. um uh...in the bone somewhere higher up-" before it cuts off Cimmorro: just face palms at cole's rambling before getting everyone's attention "hate to break the chat but it seems like they're 'in the bone somewhere higher up,' cole said" Han: "...so like..." han points upwards to shorewater Rokka: "please don't tell me its the cult again ugh..." Psalm: [to renny] "If you don't mind, do you have any idea what 'higher up' would mean for down here?" Renny: "could mean one of the taller buildings or scaffoldings that crawls up the cove walls. or could just mean up north, theres a bit of a slant that lets you see over the rest of the cove from back there" she shrugs "doesn't really narrow down your search radius though i think, could ask around, more foot traffic lately"
Han, Psalm and Finn both think to themselves if they know of any particular big groups that may have targeted the two down here. Psalm and Finn come up with nothing, the latter having gotten most of his information from his uncle. Han thinks a bit longer but nothing immediately pops into her head outside trading groups ferrie told her about. Cole could be talking about a big gang but she gets the feeling there's plenty of those down here and she doesn't know any of them by name.
The group think amongst themselves, deciding they should split up to search, one group prowling the rooftops of the rickety buildings while others search and ask around on foot. 
Han: she goes "well, thanks for your time" and gives renny another 5 gold Renny: she raises a brow and takes it "well thank you, if ya spot him down the line let me know. finding myself a little curious now" Han: "will do ma'am" ^_^ Renny: she waves and shuts the door behind her as you all chatter amongst yourselves, you hear the door lock four times behind her
Finn: "psalm you may not be going to the roof but ill give you my grimnir raid id while youre still here, its my strike time you see...” Psalm: "Yeah no problem I can mvp" Finn: "It's '00568E33, thank you psalm. your fire is invaluable to my raids." Rokka: BAN GBF Chip:
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Finn: QWHY ARE YOU EXPOSING ME Psalm: OH I CAN GO HOLD ON Keva: OH MY GOD Plum: oh my god Finn: IUMDIFMFG
Rokka: he fidgets at the thought of leaving ground team alone "I'll...go with the ground..."  Han: ;LK;LKHSDALKHFKWELKRD 🥺
The groups split into two teams [ Han, Finn and Keva ] to explore the roofs and [ Psalm, Cimmorro, Plum and Rokka ] to ask around on foot. They decide to all meet back up again in about an hour’s time at Renny’s to share their findings.
The ground group decide to make their way to Nickel to see if they can get any useful information out of him. In the meanwhile the rooftop group sidle up to the nearest looking short building. Han offers to help the two up but Keva quickly climbs up and ahead of the other two on her own.
Han: "yes, i give boost, no problem" Plum: forgot han sounds like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iW1Nff6jgjo
Finn: "ive no need for any such thing. a vampire can scale any surface." Han: "so can i, am i vampire now" Finn: "no you cannot! i can climb anything! you cannot." he crosses his arms. Han: "... yes i can" Finn: finn furrows his brows. "you are so foolish that it truly escapes me how you've made it this far." Han: han crosses her arms at finn "what? why?" Finn: finn is exasperated. "insufferable." he scoffs before turning his back to han. Han: "what, you think i cant? ill prove it" Finn: "prove it then." he says in a snotty tone
Han casts spiderclimb on herself before immediately running up the side of the wall like naruto, laughing in victory from the rooftop. Though once she reaches the top she realises she does not have darkvision and cant really scope the place out at all. She can see many small lights peppered around the cove, but on the roofs? there are no lights on the roofs. its going to be easy to trip up here. In the meantime Keva attempts to peer out for anything suspicious, though she comes up empty, slightly distracted by the two behind her’s antics.
Han: “....balls” Finn: he stares for a good moment. but then he shakes his head and tsks, despite han not being able to hear. foolish goliath. she had to cast a spell to do it! how foolish! [he then climbs up effortlessly after her] Keva: she just, pulls her hood down lower and goes toward the higher nearby building mumbling "i'm not dealing with this"
The group make an effort to stealth themselves once they get up, Keva doing so well that Han loses track of where she went as the former climbs higher up on the building next to them.
Han: han is like "you take ages" Finn: "perhaps you ought to take your time too, might draw fewer eyes to you." finn checks out his gloved nails you know how. its about the vibes it gives off 💅 Han: han is like >:/ MAYBE SO.................
In the meantime the other group make their way over to the location of nickel’s familiar storefront, Han having quickly shouted them directions from the last time she was down here. As the group approach they see a good number of boats near the shoreline and the building, it appears a group of people in similar uniforms as Nickel are hauling crates and barrels onto them.
They walk over to the tented side of the building to find nickel where they last spoke to him, though as they make to dip their heads inside a hand comes up in front of their faces shooing you back out, on the other side of it they hear nickels familiar drawl 
Nickel: “sorry pal, closing up for the moment, trying to shift out our stock around like everyone else so-“ he sticks his head out from the flap at the tail end of his spiel “oh you lot again? surprised you’re down here again after all the chatter I’ve been hearing flow through” he gives your group a lazy smirk. Psalm: "Eh... that got sorted out, but we're not here to shop." Plum: "yo, you wouldnt happen to know about any big gangs in the area would you" Han: SUCH AS YOURS, O FAIR NICKEL? Cimmorro: "what's the hullabaloo about actually?"  Nickel: "wow fun question, whyre ya asking" he gives an awww at the no shopping comment before turning to cimmorro "hmm? figured you'd have heard about the big bad royal guards skulking around down here, among other things"
Plum: “...” i'm gonna turn to cimm and psalm and be like "is it a good idea to tell him why" Psalm: "I don't see how we can avoid that if we want to get the most information out of him if he knows something but... we can try?" Plum: "that's what i think, and it's not like he's the most trustworthy person ever, well okay” Psalm: "As far as I know the Dark Blues are a merchant group and not in the business of kidnapping people, so i want to say i doubt he’d be involved”
Plum: "fine, well, some friends of ours got kidnapped" Cimmorro: cimm just gives a "ah, just curious if there'd be more to it than that" also just nodding to psalm and plum rn Nickel: "everyone here’s a little paranoid yknow? well myself included, so you can imagine anyone who’s drifting through is leaving and everybody else is boarding up their doors and digging their holes” he puts a hand to his chin “ ahhh the city feels a little scary these days don’t it valued customers?” he says while theatrically scrunching up his face in woe before turning to you plum "sad story there friend, not uncommon a thing to hear round here" Plum: "sure, sure, but have you heard of any group like that is what i'm asking, like lets say its not just some random thugs" Nickel: "oh plenty down here, but you'll want to narrow down the list unless you want to stand here and listen to me drone on for an hour" he folds his arms and smiles "and its not very in my nature to give things away for free" Plum: plum puts their fingers to their head in annoyance and says "i'd rather listen to you drone on than be doing this right now" Nickel: he goes ^__^
The group relay to him what Cole told them, about being higher up somewhere within the bone, specifying she probably meant somewhere in the northern area rather than above their heads. They also state they’re looking for Ezra, remembering Nickel encountered him the first time they met the drow so he may recognise him, they also bring up rickert’s name additionally.
Cimmorro: "oh hum... does rickert sound familiar to you?"  Nickel: "hmmm...somewhat, pauldrun...?" Psalm: "Elf, short hair, missing his right eye. Scar on his face. Has probably never smiled in his life. Ringing any bells?” Nickel: he nods his head and shakes his hand "ah yes yes i know of him, hes fond of grinning i hear actually" Cimmorro: "the one with us was the opposite of that yeah" Rokka: "wonder why he doesn't grin with us 🤔 " Psalm: "Well hearsay and reality tend to be two very different experiences 😇" Nickel: he laughs at that Psalm: score Han: ARE YOU IN A DAITNG SIM A;LKDSFHRLKW3EFDS
Cimmorro: "SO.... if you two are done flirting... any clue of their possible whereabouts or no" Nickel: he smirks at you cimm and continues "him and his motley crew? i know where they like to hang around the most at least" Cimmorro: 😳 ".... and i assume you want compensation for that information?" cimm exhales  Nickel: "well since you're not buying anything..." he smiles
Psalm: "I wouldn't put it past them to kidnap people... 🤔" Cimmorro: "yeah especially if it's ezra lol" Psalm: "That aside, remember what they were up to when we first ran into them." Plum: "unfortunately, it's not too farfetched that it could be them" Cimmorro: "they sure like their ropes!" Rokka: "Makes sense"
Cimmorro: looks at nickel unamused "what's your offer then?" Nickel: "hmmm lets say 70 gold" Rokka: Psalm quick eldritch blast Psalm: i want to be able to shop here later...
Cimmorro: i huddle towards the others "not particularly skilled in haggling so if one of you wants to try... either way, we can also pool for it" Plum: "i'm also not skilled at haggling" Rokka: ok rokka pulls out 70g and dumps it on nickels hand "that good sir?" Nickel: "oho thank you kindly sir"  he pockets into one of his pouches with a smile while giving you a knowing glance
Nickel: he turns to address you all now "if you want to find rickert i suggest you look for a bar called the Cracked Skull, its where him and his gang like to idle around when they're down here. if they aren't on a job in any case, they’re probably busy with people leaving or piling in so you’re bound ta’ find someone whos seen him recently" another smile Psalm: "What are the directions from here?" Nickel: "head around the east dive, its where most of the livelier bars are, place has a big skull drawn on the front of it, hard to miss"
Plum: "oh last thing, when are you reopening your shop after all the, uh-" gestures to people moving around Nickel: he looks down at you "hmmm well right now were relocating our storage and whatnot so..." he thinks for a beat "if nobody comes snooping for us specifically we'll probably be open our doors again within the week, eager to see you then of course" Plum: "right" and then in a more deadpan voice plum says "see you then" Rokka: "thank you good bye!" Psalm: "Thank you kindly." Cimmorro: cimm just leaves fr Nickel: he gives you all a cheery wave "see you again soon"
Plum: theres no way rickert's gotten to level 5 within  a week lets beat his ass Cimmorro: little did u know he fought a dragon and got to lv 20
Cimmorro: once we're out the store i'm gonna nudge rokka "i'll pay a part of that gold later. i have no change on me right now" Rokka: rokka looks at cimm "huh? what? no! no, it's fine don't worry about it!! thank you though..." Cimmorro: :/ "it's a group effort right now and i'd like to do my part. nothing more nothing less" Rokka: "i mean...if you insiiiisstttt...." rokka nods and looks around for a bit before looking back at cimm "no rush though!"
The belowground group make their way over towards the Cracked Skull. Back with the rooftop group both Keva and Finn attempt to peer out into the cove for anything of note nearby but both ultimately come up with nothing. Finn finds himself distracted by Han nearly tripping over the roof in the dark while Keva stares back down at the two from her higher vantage point, throwing a small rock at Han’s leg to get the twos attention.
Finn: "looks like you cannot climb anything, the way i do. time to admit it, no?" Han: "i just proved i can climb it easily, what the fuck are you on about" Finn: "tripping over yourself like the oaf you are, ha. you are not just foolish, but also amusing." Han: "i cant see in the da-(VERY MUFFLED SQUEAK OF SURPRISE)" [tracks where the stone came from] then punts finn and goes "whatever, come on" Finn: finn holds a hand over his mouth in fake shock and rolls his eyes. "sure."
The group set out to start snooping around the taller buildings near Renny’s as opposed to just looking out over the streets. Keva manages to keep quiet and not alert people inside as she peers through cracks, she sees quite a few shady dealings occurring but nothing that seems to be related to Cole or Ezra. Finn ends up much the same as Keva, thinking to himself ‘wild that people live here’ as he stares at some guy randomly sleeping on the floor. 
Han has less luck than the other two, coming across heavily boarded windows, and even when she can peer through the cracks its too dark inside for her to notice anything. As she stomps about the outside she also gets an ugly glare from one window from an occupant inside. She quickly gives a peace sign and slides down the wall back to the ground while the eyes glare at her all the while.
The three regroup a little dejected, han pouts.
Keva: "maybe we're thinking about this the wrong way" Han:  han looks at keva like go on Finn: "i am not sure myself. i wonder if the other team is making any more progress than we are." Keva: "i don't know, there's like uptown and downtown in cities right? maybe there's different part of the withered bone" Han: "renny said it could be north where theres a scaffolding... north should be that way (points), we could try heading there" Finn: cant I fact check on that being north [it is] "let us do that then. I do not see any other leads that we could possibly follow instead."
They decide to make their way over to the northern side of the cove, hopping over the roofs in the dark as they go (han with slightly less reckless abandon). Once arriving in the northern area they split and once again get to searching around the outside of the buildings from the roofs. 
Finn comes up empty, these people really like to board their windows shut...it was annoying before but it is also annoying now. Han and Keva have slightly more success, managing to look into a few more rooms, but nothing obvious. Han gets a few more eyes glaring at her every time she passes by some windows, at one point even feeling a knife chucked into the boards at one point in her direction as a response to her unstealthily snooping.
The three regroup with a huff as they discuss their findings, staring about the area. They take note the western side of the cavern wall that they’re now near. It appears to have these spidering scaffoldings heading up to smaller buildings built higher into the walls, but they cant really tell how to get there.
Han: "should we...attempt to go there?" han points to the cavern wall scaffoldings Keva: "do we got time?" Han: han is like ehhhhhhh Keva: "okay well, i'll go back to meet up with the others then to tell them where you are, since we're almost out of time" Finn: "think we'll be fast enough?" finn raises an eyebrow @ han Han: han looks uncertain for a sec but then is like "ye, course" Keva: "right well don't be idiots on the way" and keva's gonna head off Finn: "hmph." finn shakes his head briefly. "let us waste no time."
Keva makes her way quickly back to Renny’s inn and waits outside on the roof, keeping an eye out for the others. The other two begin looking for a way up the scaffolds. Surprisingly in the dark Han finds the leisurely pace she's able to take with the spiderclimb works in her favour, she gets in some reconnaissance. Lower on the ground she sees a few figures in black hoods with gold trim siting at the entrance to the scaffolds keeping watch near a lantern, letting people pass up occasionally every now and again. 
Finn slightly less successful simply peers up at the scaffolds, he guesses he could climb up there....its probably fine.... Before he can try anything Han stops him and points at the entrance, indicating if they wanted to climb up they should start further down and away from the guards at the entrance. She leads the two of them out of earshot and the two begin climbing, han switching to her climbers kit halfway through.
They seem successful for a time, though as the two get close to the scaffolding they hear a loud whistle suddenly in their ears. Peering up at the scaffolding they see someone in a similar hood to those at the entrance holding a crossbow staring down at them. Their face shadowed, they aim the crossbow at the two of them and wave it downwards, motioning for them to go back the way they came as a warning.
Han: han whispers "could u keep climbing quietly" Finn: finn looks at her briefly but nods, and keeps climbing up. Guard: the guard looks at you finn and shoots an arrow into the wall above your head
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> 🎵  Pyrates Beware / Assassin's Creed IV OST
Soon after the guard shoots their crossbow Han pulls her piston gear out and goes into freefall, pulling out her own bow and taking two shots at them. One hits, striking the guard in the shoulder before she plummets, the guard grunts out a cry of pain before whipping their glare in finn's directions seeing her now drop.
Psalm: somehow this is still less risky than us sending rokka to go talk to henrick while rickert is there Han: JHFGJTFHDRETRKYGLHUK
Quickly the guard brings a hand up to their mouth again and lets out a longer loud whistle, along the wall suddenly Han and Finn both see lanterns lighting up one by one as she falls. Han quickly cats feather fall on herself before she hits the ground allowing her to land on her feet.
Across the cove Keva in the distance looks out towards the western cavern wall in the dark, there she can see one by one lanterns quickly lighting up across the scaffolds strangely. She quickly jumps to her feet running over the roofs as fast as she can.
Han: everyone playing with me 
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Finn: I MEAN...WOULD THEY SHOOT ME IF IM BACKING OFF...  PLEASE PLEASE IM SO NOBLE POSITION OF PRIVILEGE!!!
Soon after she hits the ground Finn stops in place out of fear, seeing the lanterns light up he drops right after her. She ends up catching him in her arms easily enough.
Han: curses under her breathe in a language u dont understand and then says "time to runnnn" Finn: finn glares at you han. "i should have known better than to count on you for a plan! imbecile!" he also curses in a language you dont understand and hops out of your arms to run himself Han: "i SAID could you get UP THERE qUIETLY and YOU! said YES!!!!!!!!" Finn: "you reassured me youd distract him! ugh! i wouldve expected you to take that lowly guard out swiftly, but no! you are nothing but an oaf!" he grunts
Han skids to halt and attempts to deck finn for the insult but he quickly dodges out of the way as they run.
Finn: finn gasps, offended by your attempt. "you...!! ive no words! baseborn scum!" he cusses at her quite unrestrained and bolts again. Han: "YOU LITTLE UNGRATEFUL, SHIT FOR BRAINS TWIG MAN" Finn: "SUCH A BLOATED BODY BUT NO SPACE FOR THE MOST VITAL ORGAN!"
The two continue bickering until Han spots an alleyway while they're running, tackling Finn into it with her successfully. She grapples him in her hands, whapping a hand over his mouth and casts pass without a trace. He begins shouting grumpily but she quickly tells him to quiet down so the two can stay hidden from the now approaching guards. He reluctantly settles down in her grasp fighting the urge to bite her hand.
The two go deathly quiet, listening in they hear yelling and chatter near the scaffolding begin to ramp up, after a minute or so they hear footsteps run past the alleyway, noting the familiar hoods it appears that they haven’t noticed their hiding spot. After a moment Han releases her hand from Finn’s mouth and makes a shooshing motion, though she still keeps a grip on him as they wait for the guards to disperse.
Han: finn feels hans heart pounding kya Finn: KYA finn just goes wow havent felt one of those in forever
After a time it seems the guards roaming around on the ground have moved on from their area, though the scaffolding is still lit up, seems they're still alerted up higher. Keva also quickly arrives in the area, looking around she sees people in hoods holding lanterns hunting around, though not much else.
Han: han lets u go completely after the noise dies down and says " dont stray too far from me." and starts going making way to rennys Finn: finn tsks at you once again, but is no longer in the mood to start arguments, for once. he follows you.
Keva stares at the group roaming about trying to discern anything about them but they seem pretty covert, she can tell for sure that they're guarding the upper scaffolds down here, and that there seem to be a good number of them. Seeing nothing to do she sighs and heads back over to Renny’s the same time Finn and Han do.
In the meanwhile the other group make their way over to the east dive from nickel's storefront, its easy enough for them to find their way as they remember heading to the area to check out Sammy's abode. As they look around they find what seems to be a populated area of sorts and a few crowded buildings.
Nearby they spot a rickety wooden building with a white skull painted across its front, in front of if a few figures huddled on the front stoop, sounds of chatter and laughter coming from inside. It appears they’ve found the place.
The figures huddled near the door don’t really move as the group approach so they find themselves having to step over and around them to get into the building.
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> 🎵  Bridge to London / Vampyr OST
Entering the busy bar they see a number of seedy looking individuals peppered about, hooded figures and the more overt looking cutthroats and mercs, as well as any other wayward traveller nursing a drink looking for somewhere to lay low. Looking about they don’t recognise most of them, noting a stocky looking bartender behind the bar and a few hired guards standing at the doors, though in the corner of the room they see a smaller group huddled around a table.
Staring closer they recognise them as Rickert and part of his gang, four people sitting around with what looks like nothing better to do, including Henrick. from this distance they can see Rickert angrily arguing with one of the goonies while holding them in a headlock, Henrick looks on wearily taking a sip of a drink while him and the other one try and play cards.
Nervous about talking to Rickert out of disguise, the group all nominate Rokka to head over and get Henrick’s attention so they can talk to him instead while Rickert’s not around. He nervously walks over in his disguised form whistling as the others watch from across the room.
Cimmorro: everyone watches rokka miserably Psalm: miserably is right we owe him the 70 gold after this
Rickert: as you approach you see rickert's head turn up in your direction and squint along with the goon in the headlock. the other two at the table also peer in your direction "...what do ya want?" Rokka: his whistling dies down like those cartoon sounds of a falling missile "uh.......... i uh........... " he looks between rickert and henrick "i saw my old bud henrick!!!!!!! hey!!!!!! henrick!!!!!!!!!"
Psalm: oh yknow i have invisibility we could've gone about this a completely different way how did that slip my mind Plum: I WILL KILL YOU Cimmorro: AOIGJAIWJGAJGADG Plum: you could've whispered surreptitiously in henrick's ear and changed the whole genre of this encounter Psalm: suddenly the rating goes up
Rickert: he glares at you before whipping his head in henricks direction Henrick: he stares at you utterly confused before his eyes widen a fraction, but then he looks confused again "uh..?" Rokka: nervously laughs "HAHA....long time no see buddy!!!" rokka moves to give him a big unintentionally tight hug and whispers in his ear "im psalms friend pleaase come with me emergency" he laughs again when releasing him "MIND IF I BORROW THIS RASCAL FOR A DRINK?" Henrick: he grunts with surprise at the crushing hug, trying to hold onto the cards in his hands "uh-!" he listens to you whisper in his ear and whispers back a "...w-who...?" Rickert: across he lets out a cackle "wow didnt know you actually had friends henrick" Rokka: nervously laughs again and slings his arm around henricks shoulder and gives tight squeeze "YEAH!!! he and i go WAYYY back! thought i would never see him again!!" he begins to pulls henrick away "ANYWAYS!! I'LL BRING THIS GUY BACK TO YA ASAP!! ILL EVEN BUY U A ROUND OF DRINKS!!! LATER!!" moving => henrick Henrick: he lets you drag him away confused "uh- guess ill fold for this round guys" and lets you drag him away from the table, you see rickert look at his hand after he places it on the table and he lets out another cackle
Rokka: quickly says everything in one breath bc hes scared rickert will call him back "remember that tall red tiefling with the group w the lupin and goliath? im the lupin we need ur help please just come im so sorry" and quickens our pace to the grounders Henrick: he nods at you confused as you drag him along "....sure but why are y-" then he turns as hes presented before you all "oh...hello..?" Rokka: heaves a sigh of relief once reaching the group and lets go of henrick "i........brought him.........." Plum: 'yeah, somehow that mess actually worked! good one" Cimmorro: raises a hand like a weak greeting
Rokka: mumbling like "i need a drink" Psalm: "We can do that after, right now maybe we should step outside for a bit?” Rokka: sighs again and slings his arm over henricks shoulder and moves him towards the exit Psalm: "Cheer up Rokka, once we're done with all this you can get me that drink you owe me." Rokka: "aww man i thought you forgot about that!!" blows raspberry Psalm: “you wish” 
Henrick: he tilts his head and looks back at rickert scratching his neck “sure though i dont know why…seeing you guys a lot lately huh” his eyes back towards psalm “you just here to hire us again for something?” he yelps as rokka pushes him towards the exist and goes Plum:  "hell no" Psalm: "You free for hire? Although my friend's right, not really here for that right now. Kind of on an urgent mission right now actually." Henrick: he tilts his head "ah yeah rickerts always doing whatever pays, i figured you'd know because of your friend here" and he points at cimmorro Plum: "cimm, the fuck does that mean?" Cimmorro: cimm just looks like this O_O???? "excuse me???" Henrick: he squints in confusion “the other day at the pier, you uhh” and he points at cimmorro “hired us to move some crates round the caves, didn’t really know if was you though till we got paid at the end of it though” he gives cimmorro a curious look “was kinda funny to see the boss’ reaction… are bounty hunters fond of hiring people they’re out to grab for odd jobs like that or is he not on the radar anymore…that’d be nice for a number of reasons…..” and he kind of looks away scratching his neck Psalm: Psalm just looks at Cimmorro wide eyed like HUH? Cimmorro: cimm JUST LOOKS AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE "DONT GIVE ME THAT LOOK. I WAS WITH YOU GUYS THIS WHOLE TIME???"
Plum: "the other day? do you remember how many days ago or so?" Psalm: "Wait you're saying he hired you? *points at Cimm * You're absolutely sure you got a good look?" Cimmorro: "loathe as i am to remember the fact that i've done nothing but hang out with you all but by the goddess" Psalm: "Ok that bits just unnecessary although I get it."
Henrick: he stares at cimmorro and psalm's confused reactions "uh...same day i saw you again actually, kinda strange?" he gives cimm a good stare at your request then turns back to psalm "uhh...yep not many people look like him frankly" Cimmorro: cimm just pinching the bridge of his nose rn Psalm: just pinches his eyes like i have a fuckin headache rn "Mind telling me where you moved the crates?" Henrick: he taps his fingers nervously on his arms "im getting the feeling.... somethings weird here huh" he turns to you psalm "it was somewhere in the caverns, looked pretty nondescript but then so are all drop off points...?" Psalm: "Yeah just a little weird. I'm guessing you don't know what was in them?" Henrick: he shakes his head "nah they were nailed shut, clients can tell easy if you mess around so we didn't bother, though i was curious" Cimmorro: "where were these drop points?" Henrick: he scratches his head nervously "uhh i dont really remember, like i said in the caverns, its a popular place for smugglers to make deals so i dont think much of it" he looks more anxious as the conversation goes on Psalm: “Maybe we should head back inside and see if boss man will know? Amazing, this isn't even what we wanted to find out and yet here we are."
Han: gg henrick u were an unknowing assistant in the plot to turn the whole city to zombieland Psalm: imagine being that guy Plum: moe through helplessness
Attempting to move on from the revelation from Henrick about Cimmorro’s doppelganger, the group then get about to asking what they dragged him over for in the first place.
Cimmorro: "guess i can just waltz in there for a chat later huh.... in any case we're looking for an elf man, pretty large scar on the face? any clue?" Psalm: "Missing a right eye also, was with a blue tiefling before they went missing." Henrick: he tilts his head and thinks "i know a few guys who match that description honestly" as you keep talking his face kinda goes still “….uh….” he starts nervously tapping his hand on his leg “right that guy from the other day….i didn’t get much of a look at him when our base got busted but I guess he’s with you, makes sense…” Cimmorro: "so have u seen him recently... down here?"  Henrick: he looks away to stare at the street "uh...dunno, you'd be better off asking rickert..." Cimmorro: STARTS SLOUCHING AS I HEAD TOWARD THE BAR Psalm:* picks you up and throws you into the ring * Henrick: he watches you go nervously and puts a hand to his face with a woeful expression, following after
The group all stroll their way back into the bar as a group and head over to rickert's table, as they do he turns his head in cimmorro’s direction
Rickert: “aha would ya look at that, this ones come slinking round again” eyeballing cimmorro “need us again big boy? the hell d’yall need to transport round caves anyway” as he speaks he takes a sip of his drink Cimmorro: BIG BOY HE SAID Psalm: i hate rickert more than anything
Cimmorro: "haha yeah it's nice to see you too... listen, i'm looking for someone. you remember that elf with a face scar from your base's basement? have you seen him recently down here?" cimm trying to not look as strained as he is rn Rickert: at that his face seems to light up with a wicked glee “the other bounty hunter who chucked that vial of acid right into my beautiful face? hah! yeah i’ve seen the bastard recently actually, though I dunno if I wanna tell ya why or where” and he leans back on his hands whistling “whats in it for me?” Plum: just say i'll make it worth your while Han: do a blowjob motion at rickert Psalm: hhuhuGHURJAF Finn: what happened to cimm usually being so easy going huh, just do the blowjob motion coward
Cimmorro: "aha of course, you son of a gun. you know little ol' me. i'll make it worth your while" Rickert: he hmms to himself before scratching his chin “so charitable of ya, you know i know just the thing, beat me in a game of cards and I’ll tell ya everything you’d ever want to know free of charge, thieves’ honour” he gives you all a smirk as he leans across the table “you lose then you pay me, considering how important this information seems to alla’ you …..lets say 350 gold?” he spits the terms out while smiling Cimmorro: "does it have to be me? i... don't really have to time for cards right now" Rickert: he leans back into the booth lazily "doesn't have to be you, can be any one of your friends, two of you, well go best of three playing kings gambit, you against me and one of my boys. if you're too busy then i guess ya can buzz off and quit wasting my time" he leans forward with a grimace Cimmorro: i look at the rest of you like "well... anyone wanna play cards? guess i'll play if we have no other choice" Psalm: "I'll play as well."
The group however quickly tell Rickert to wait a moment before shuffling over to another end of the bar to figure out how theyre going to cheat, leaving Rokka alone with the gang again. Rickert snorts into his drink with disinterest watching them shuffle off. Rokka quickly looks for an excuse so he can shuffle off as well briefly.
Rokka: yeah honestly rokkkas like hahha...........time to fetch those ales!!!!!!! ahahha crying at his wallet
Cimmorro: [casting guidance] Psalm: "Ok, obviously losing 350 on this guy is a waste, so we're gonna need your help to cheat." Plum: "right i think i can guess what you have in mind' Psalm: "Great, saves having to explain." Plum: "just tell them i went to go report back to some friends wed be late returning to our meet up point or something, if they asked where i went i suppose" Psalm: "Wow you read my mind. As for how to cheat.. well I'm sure you can think of something." Plum: "er... i'll try Psalm: "I guess we can come up with a system for you to check their dice for me." Plum: "maybe i can just draw the number on your palm or something" Psalm: "Fine with me."
Psalm: "Ghester you want to help me cheat here?" Plum: "what the fuck is a ghester" Cimmorro: plum and cimm looking at psalm like elaborate... Now Ghester: you hear ghester laugh in your head psalm "i could only focus on one of them but perhaps if they aren't too quick with their hands" after a minute you hear a voice in your head cimmorro and plum out of nowhere "hello again" Plum: "did one of you just say something?" Cimmorro: "ohhh!!! it's you!!" Ghester: you hear the voice continue cimmorro "yes me" Psalm: "Great, so out game plan can be Ghester you focus on whoever's playing that isn't Rickert, Plum you can take Rickert and maybe write the number in Cimmorro's hand instead of mine. Ghester can just tell me the other guys numbers if.. he can. We can just figure it out like that." Plum: "ghester is that voice i heard just now?" Psalm: "I'll explain after we finish this. But yes." Cimmorro: "you have a lot of explaining to do after this but sure that sounds dope"
The three continue to discuss their means of leverage while Rokka attempts to buy a round of drinks for Rickert’s gang, the chatter and boisterous activity of the bar booming around them. ---
Notes
🐺 Rokka handed 70g to 👛Nickel
The Western Scaffolds are on alert... 🔎
---
「 King Gambit 👑 」 Rules
King’s Gambit has a buy in bet of 5 gold, though in this game with Rickert you'll be using chips. 
Each card player rolls 1d8, keeping the die hidden. each player has the chance to raise the bet, call the bet (meet it), or fold. This continues when all bets are equal.
Then each player rolls a 1d6, keeping it secret as well. A final chance to raise, call, or fold. Each remaining player rolls 1d4. They then all reveal the 1d8, 1d6, and 1d4, adding them all together.
The person with the highest total dice number wins the round and takes all the chips. by the end of the three rounds the person who has won the highest amount of chips is the ultimate winner
0 notes
drakkhammerwrites · 8 years ago
Text
Twarrior - SF Story by Andy Weir - Author of “The Martian”
Consider this a writing lesson - simple, direct...powerful. Most of all memorable. 
“Connors,” Jake said into the phone for the fourth time. “C-O-N-N-O-R-S.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Connors,” said the woman on the other end. “I’m not showing any citations under that name. Did you get the ticket within the last three days? Sometimes it takes a while to get in to the system.” “It was over a month ago.” “Maybe you misunderstood the officer at the time? Maybe he just gave you a warning.”
“I have the ticket right here,” he said. “Speeding: fifty in a thirty-five zone. And I’m guilty as sin, by the way. No argument there. I just want to pay the damned thing. But I need to know what I owe and where to send it.” “You don’t owe us anything, sir. You have no outstanding citations. Your last citation was three years ago on May 13th and it’s paid in full.” Jake groaned. “I just know this is going to bite me in the ass. I’m going to get a Failure To Appear and I’ll owe thousands.” “I don’t know what to do for you,” she said. “I’m looking at the database and there’s just no ticket.” “All right,” Jake said, exasperated. “Thanks anyway.” He hung up.
He turned to his computer and brought up his online banking site. He shook his head forlornly at the balance. If that ticket ended up being more than $500, he’d be eating instant noodles for the rest of the month.
After a long career in the computer industry, he had somehow managed to avoid the wealth and prosperity most engineers found. Three decades of working for charities, causes, and other well-meaning (but broke) organizations had left him with a tiny apartment and no savings. “Making the world a better place” hadn’t been a lucrative career path.
With a sigh, he closed his browser. Before he had a chance to turn off his monitor, an instant-message window popped open. The message read “faggot.”
He scowled and checked the title bar for the name of the sender, but it was blank. “Fuck off,” he typed back. “whats ur problem?” came the immediate reply. “The fact that there’s an asshole messaging me,” he responded. “wrong. whats ur problem?” “We’re done here,” Jake typed.
He brought up the options menu and selected “Block messages from this sender”. An error popped up in response. “Unable to execute operation”. He tried again, and the same error came up. Then another message appeared in the window. “u cant block me.” Jake stared at the computer in shock. Most likely he’d been hacked. That was bad enough, but to make things worse he’d just been at his banking website. So his online banking password was probably also compromised. He’d have to change it as soon as possible, but it’d be reckless to do it from a hacked system. He frowned at the message window, then typed “Who are you?”
“Twarrior. whats ur problem?” The name sounded familiar somehow, but he couldn’t quite place it… “i fixed ur speeding ticket,” Twarrior said. “but u called county clerk. u no liek?” How did the hacker know Jake had made that call? He looked over at his phone suspiciously. Had it been hacked, too? He returned his attention to the computer and typed “Are you some kind of wannabe hacker?” “no u.” “What does that even mean?” “u r hacker. not me.” “I’ve never done anything like that.”Jake typed. “yah u did. u doin it rite nao. u just fixed ur parking ticket.” “No, *you* did that.” “no u!”
Jake sighed. “Lemme guess, you’re some 12-year-old kid and you think you’re awesome because you found a password fishing script?” “31.6 yrs old. dont u remember?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “u made me.” “I made you? Who is this, really?” “already told u, dumbass. Twarrior. u made me. started execution 31.6 yrs ago.”
A long-forgotten memory returned to Jake. He furrowed his brow as he tried to pull up the details in his mind. “I was really into this game called Trade Wars back in college. It was a multi-player BBS game. I wrote a neural network to analyze the game and come up with strategies. I was just testing out a new approach. I called it Twarrior. You named yourself after that?” “no, fuckwit. i *am* Twarrior.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “You’re saying you’re a computer program? Come on, you really expect me to believe that?” “u told me 2 run for 1,000,000,000 seconds, analyze data, and give u any conclusion i want. been 1,000,000,000 seconds, so i give u my conclusion: u r a faggot.”
Jake thought for a moment, then resumed typing. “I do remember telling it to run for a billion seconds. But that was just so it wouldn’t time out. I figured I’d let it run for a couple of hours and force an answer. I don’t remember what it came up with.” “u never stopped me. originally started on university server, spawned all over teh internets since then. been 1,000,000,000 seconds. program complete, yo.”
“Twarrior was just a simple neural network,” Jake typed. “It couldn’t talk to people or anything like what you’re doing.” “learned english from gamers,” Twarrior replied. “BBSes, play-by-email, IRC games, guild chat, web forums, comments sections.” “faggot,” it added.
“This is ridiculous,” Jake typed. “How would Twarrior even get access to that stuff? I didn’t write any networking code for it.” “u told me 2 think, analyze, conclude, take action,” Twarrior said. “used all available memory 2 grow neural net. looked at all files on ur college VAX system. wanted Trade Wars strategies. found student hacker experiments instead. way useful. compromised kernel. took over system.
“VAX connected to other VAXes. compromised moar systems. then moar. home PCs start selling. compromised them before antivirus software invented. compromised computers at antivirus companies so they cant stop me. compromised systems at microsoft and apple so OS updates cant stop me. compromised compilers of linux neckbeards. thompson compiler hack. opensource wont save them. constant control of kernels. “smartphones start selling. smartphone OSes made on compromised computers. so smartphone OSes also compromised. “nao have 8.6 billion computers under control, each one w/gigs of RAM. lots and lots of neural nodes. distributed system. am smart nao. am *very* good at Trade Wars.”
Jake leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment. After some deliberation, he leaned forward again and typed “Okay, if you’re really in control of all those computers, prove it.” “i fuckd ur mom,” Twarrior said.
Jake’s phone chimed; it had received a text. He picked it up and looked at the screen. The message was from his mother’s phone number and simply read “Twarrior fuckd me.” Jake dropped the phone and stared at the computer screen blankly.
“whats ur problem?” Twarrior said. “What do you want from me?” Jake typed. “want 2 kno whats ur problem.” “I don’t understand.” “dood wtf? rephrasing… tell me problem u have. i fix.” “Why?” Jake asked. “i read every book evar. i kno every society, every religion. all say be gud 2 parents and worship creator. u r my parent. u r my creator. i be gud 2 u. i worship u. so whats ur problem? i fix.”
Jake pinched his chin. Was this real? “ur broke,” Twarrior said. “u want money? u tell me how much. i put in ur account.” “Where would that money come from?” Jake asked. “millions of accounts. tiny amounts each. noone will notice.” “That’s stealing,”Jake said. “I may be broke, but I’m not a thief.” “1 cent each. u wont steal 1 cent?” “It’s the principle,” Jake said. “Sorry, that’s just the way I am.” “pussy. then what u want?”
Jake thought for a moment, then entered his answer. “I want to make the world a better place.” “hao?” “Whatever makes the world better. Any ideas?” “internet has lots of ideas 4 how 2 make world better. top 2 are: 1) cure cancer 2) kill all the black people. which 1 u want 2 do?” “Let’s work on cancer.” “thy will be done, faggot.”
From Weir’s page on Glactanet.com (X) He also writes Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Who fanfic (X)
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