#i dont mean it didnt affect the characters on individual levels. it did

[dyketubbo]

sorry to like. any of my followers who followed for qsmp just to see me be abnormal about doomsday . ive got like issues

[frogmentarii]

QUESTIONS FOR OC CREATORS

Haaaa ok so I am doing this cause i saw @fallout-lou-begas steal it from @tarberrymentats and they both looked like they were havin hella fun so i am commandeering this for my own purposes. So lucky for yall its Emi time (art by the dearest @yesjejunus because yall need to see more of her work)

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Because she's an older woman (57) that breaks a lot of moulds and I love to see it. Aside from just enjoying older characters, Emi isn't a sweet old lady and she isn't here to try and mother anyone. Her drives are entirely her own and while she prioratizes herself and her sister before anyone else, its not always due to complete selfishness and just due to growing up in the wastes (I try to keep her character true to a fend for yourself setting as possible). I think Ill go into detail in another question with this, but I went through a lot of concepts and personalities for Emi before settling on someone who was seasoned and very much a product of the wastes. I think after seeing a lot of other couriers I finally figured out what I wanted to do differently, and that sort of helped guide her to become what she is today.

B) What inspired you to create them?

I think my last line there sort of short answers this. I wanted someone different from the other couriers I saw, and wanted to make one that was distinct or even juxtaposed against some tropes. She's a woman in her late 50s that doesnt try and play mom/granny to the companions, she very much has no stake in what happens to the Mojave, she doesnt care about Benny or that he shot her in the head (such is life in the Mojave, but she did have a job to complete so ripperoni him), and a lot of her motivations are selfish or exist to benefit her sister. She doesnt act 'old' in the fact that she isn't a wise caring soul or a grumpy old man, but rather her age is shown through her experience, and this also shapes her personality. She's never had to formally 'grow up' so she can come off as immature and irritating for her own entertainment, but she doesn't have youthful ignorance for how the world works. She knows how to be responsible but she doesnt have to act like it outwardly, even with her Tragic Caregiver Backstory.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

To a large degree in the beginning, yes, and to specific degrees now, also yes. Writing in general isnt my strong point though I did know what I wanted for her. The main image is there but the details are funky, and Ive been slowly hammering those out as I work along with her and Camila's stories. There's been some huge changes along the way that help push both of them towards an ending I like and that fits them, and even if it takes forever and I never actually write a fic, I'll be happy when she finally feels completed in New Vegas.

Aside from that, she kind of fits in anywhere in regards to AUs. My friend @yesjejunus and I have probably like 40000 fucking aus for our OCs and all of them feel just as organic and their canon stories.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

So I know I have an 'original concept Emilia' art on here where she looked like Laura Croft and had aviators but that wasnt even her first concept. I had originally wanted to make a petite southern belle type from Louisiana who used a shot gun and had a mean streak, but as I kept playing with concepts Emi really started to lean other places. Another huge change was her personality. Even when her concept got settled as a sniper from Mexico, she was suppose to be an early 30s caravan guard who was way too sure of herself. While there are reminents of that concept still in her, she has a lot more experience in the wastes and in think-on-your-feet situations to back up her attitude. Another thing she required was dropping her "take me seriously" personality with more goofy "i do what i want cause why not" traits.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Emi can get along with anyone at a surface level, for a small while, if it will benefit her or she wants to pass time. She really doesn't have interest in folks who arent interesting or beneficial in some way. Since I don't really offer her much, and am a bit of a wet bag, she might yank my chain for her own funsies or she'd have no interest.

And while I did indeed give Emi my go with the flow attitude, I think I wouldn't be able to keep up with her. Emi is very fast paced and doesnt necessarily have regard for those she decides to pick up as drinking buddies for the night. Def dont trust her with my life, and knowing the shit she gets into I'd def want to steer clear of it....like a trainwreck its much better to watch her from a safe distance, lol.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

A lot of affection from a meta standpoint? I've worked with Emi and Cam a lot since creating them, and they've def come a long way since their original concepts. I wouldn't say their story is quite where I want it yet, but I am quite happy with it overall.

That, and Ive met so many awesome writers along the way with Emi. Not all of my friends have posted fic but the amount of world building and having our characters interact and talking OCs ive done with them has placed both Emi and their OCs in a special place for me. Sure her having her own story is fun but I much more prefer the bonds Ive created with people over OCs and I think thats a bit more of a cherished component to character creation for me.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Literally? That she likes to be irritating if she feels she can get away with it (or even if she cant). Actually? That she has a very "I shelter you and feed you therefore I make the rules, period." stance on how she takes care of her charge. She lets a lot of shit slide with Camila but things get very Rapunzel-esque at times.

H) What trait do you admire most?

How sure of herself she is. Even if its to a fault, she trusts herself and her judgements. That sort of confidence is something I strive to have haha.

To a lesser degree, and more of a meta point I wanted to make with her, just...her appearance I suppose? To me she's attractive, but she also has a lot of traits that aren't conventionally attractive and that's played a lot into how Ive wanted her to be. Again she's 57 years old. She has age to her body, her skin wrinkles and droops, her tits sag, she has the body of someone who uses chems, and yet despite her age and breaking of beauty standards ive made it a point to show that she is desired or thought of as attractive in non fetish specific circumstances. She herself, while aro, also still has an active sex drive and I really wanted this to be a backseat part of her character, as I feel like fandom in general shafts older women in this department (this also goes for a lot of her non 'old lady' traits I give her too). She still has sexual needs and is still very much sexually active, and she is still found to be a regular sort of attractive and is desired by those she gets involved with.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yes? Ish, to a degree. I didnt have to but I wanted to. I also did a lot of headcanoning with post Mexico for her early life which, afaik is free real estate for lore/nothing super detailed has been given in canon.

Given that she and Camila both shape their stories as individuals, I did have to split up some canon elements to follow two seperate characters, but other than that I really just had to make sure Emilia's story wasnt "boring" in the fact that she again, has no real stake in what happens to Vegas/the Mojave.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Cackles in 'which au will I obsess with today'

For the most part yes, however I love placing her in new things or different stories. She may be 'my courier' but really shes just the frog granny that goes into whatever au I am feeling at the time.

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

anonymous asked:  How would you feel about an Avatar AU? I’d love to see what element, or if a character is a non-bender, you feel would match your favourite characters in HQ!

oh-HO. i am unsure if you know that Avatar is one of my all-time favorite shows so when i saw this ask i was pumped!!! without further ado: i finally had some inspiration. i took this a bit farther than just my fav characters (i did as many as i could think of) and although i say in my rules i don’t do hc’s i felt this ask was best answered in that format so i did my best! i hope you enjoy 😁 im nervous as hell about headcanons 😬 some i have reasons for (serious or funny) and others i just...have a feeling 

special shoutout to my discord fam that i love so dearly and especially to @animelake13 and @justoverseas for helping me out 💕💕

Karasuno:

Daichi:

Alright with those thighs and that dependability?? Earthbender through and through

He is a rock solid, all-around player that holds Karasuno all together

he is their BASE, stable as fuck

he didn’t get those thighs from nothing he got them kicking around some boulders

didnt get those arms from nothing either, punching rocks out of mountainsides

Suga:

Waterbender for sure

Hello? Mr. Refreshing

Very calm and level-headed, but like Katara: DO NOT. FUCK WITH HIM.

He’ll fuck you up

again like Katara, mom friend, supporting the whole team, caring a lot about them and getting ready to fight and ready to jump in and help at a moments notice

Asahi: (Thanks Louie!)

ok so this boy was hard to decide bc, he’s a nervous bean but also the motherfuckin ace so he ain’t playin around

so i decided on earthbender because, he’s a big boi; a powerful and all-around player that has the respect of his teammates

and although he’s nervous, so maybe he doesn’t use earthbending to the extent of other benders but when he needs to, he will

and when he does it has impact and he is a pretty strong earthbender to boot

he can move fucking mountains when he wants to

member of the white lotus bc he only uses his immense power when he absolutely has to

noya: “asahi!! show us your bending”

asahi: “oh im not much of a bender”

MOVES A CONTINENT

Noya:

While my first instinct was firebender

the more i thought about it the more airbender made sense

air is the element of freedom and Noya is the definition of wild and free

not only that but his position too! airbending is almost purely defensive

sounds like our guardian diety to me

also can u imagine

Noya and Hinata racing like maniacs on air scooters

Daichi throwing up barriers all over the place to stop them but they just nyoom around them like obstacles

airbending is all about circles too and roooooolllliiiinnnng (hehe) thunder!!!

Tanaka:

alrighty well here is Karasuno’s firebender

Firebending is known for its intense and aggressive attacking style and literally

Tanaka yells like a maniac anytime he goes in for a spike

and firebenders can be hotheaded (dont have to be, Iroh for example) BUT say anything about Kiyoko, Karasuno or really anything and he’s ready to throw down

it might be all talk but he still gets fucking triggered

he fires up two flames in his palms and makes that face “ehhh what did you say about our lovely Kiyoko-san?!?”

Enno:

airbender

he has such patience and probably mediates or something 

or else he’d go crazy from Tanaka and Noya doing stupid airbender/firebender shit and burning down the entire town 

deals it out when he needs to, sometimes blowing Tanaka and Noya to opposite sides of the room and pinning them there until they calm the fuck down

anytime Tanaka gets too heated, Enno just shows up and blows out his fire 

Hinata:

ok so i kinda spoiled earlier

but airbender

i know airbending is defensive and Hinata sucks at that aspect, but his personality man, airbender all the way

again imagine him and Noya zooming on air scooters around

they would be a MENANCE

but also in the same sense, airbending is all about finding a way around the “normal” way of fighting (they refuse to harm anything is what i mean)

Hinata had to find his own way of fighting in volleyball and yeah…airbender  

possibly bc he’s a bit of an airhead too  

Kageyama:

WATERBENDER BUT WITH BLOODBENDING BACKGROUND

ok hear me out

he used to want to control people and make them do what he wants, otherwise get rid of them bc they’re useless and who needs ‘em

but then he meets this stupid, bounce off the walls, airbender who he doesn’t need to control bc this kid already does what he couldnt find in anyone else

and he slowly learns to stop using bloodbending, sometimes slips and lapses, but for the most part has left that part of him behind

also water is the element of change and Kageyama certainly goes through a major change in character throughout Haikyuu

everytime Hina and him fight, they make a snowstorm that nobody can stop and it pisses Tsukki off bc he can’t do anything about it

Tsukki: (props to Lake for this one)

tsukki why are you an enigma

nonbender and is a sword master 

with his ability to analyze and control, he would heckin destroy 

sword fights are a lot about watching your opponent and being able to make a quick decision to block or counter attack 

he can definitely make decisions at the drop of a hat and his strategies work and work well 

Yamaguchi:

THIS BOY

IS A WATERBENDER BUT SPECIALIZES IN HEALING

when Karasuno needs him most!!! he’s there!! ready to help and get his team back on his feet, in this sense by healing them

and also like Suga, mirroring Katara, don’t fuck with him. especially when it comes to Tsukki

AGAIN like Katara/Suga, mom friend, there to support all the time and bust in and help when needed

More teams under the cut!

Aoba Johsai:

Oikawa:

so there’s a bit of a trend here i see

but Oikawa would also be a waterbender, i guess it’s a setter thing

water is the element of change and Oikawa adjusts his setting style and approach for each of his team members to bring out the best of them

waterbenders let their defense become their offense turning their opponents own forces against them which i think fits Oikawa to a T

can make ice spikes he can throw long distances with scary accurate precision

like, one can just zip past your ear, and you dont see him anywhere where tf is he?!

Iwaizumi: 

i couldn’t decide between firebender and earthbender

so i went with the lovely mix, lavabender 

just like Toph, Iwa shows his affection through some sort of violence, but thats just cause he cares a lot

oikawa has mastered the art of distinguishing flaming hunks of smoldering rock thrown at his face

also stubborn unmoving like a rock

and when he gets heated, he is fired up

and finally, arms. where did he get ‘em? throwing boulders around. 

Shiratorizawa:

Ushijima:

metalbender, bc he’s definitely an earth bender but there’s something special about him

he’s a little dense (ok maybe not a little)

Earthbenders are generally muscular, tough and direct AND HELLO. thats Ushijima in a nutshell 

Tendou:

our guess monster is definitely a non-bender

like ty lee specializes in chi-blocking 

he can disrupt someones chi pretty easily making them completely helpless 

sometimes he does it to be funny 

like make Ushi’s right arm useless for a day 

and Ushi is like “Tendou. I don’t use that arm anyways.” 

“i knoooooooow Wakatoshi thats the point!”

which for some reason Tendou thinks is hilarious cause now he really cant use it 

Semi:

firebender

mainly bc of his hotheaded and competitive behavior 

his desire to show his abilities in his words is “uncontainable” and that kind of made me think of Azula 

wants to show off and be the best 

Shirabu:

so although Shirabu is also extremely hot-headed, he hits me as a waterbender too 

maybe just because every single setter so far has been a waterbender but its just my gut feeling 🤷

Nekoma:

Kuroo:

firebender but can lightning bend

dont ask me why it just seems right

he has the concentration and flow it takes to lightning bend, i mean he has that whole speech he gives to his team before every game 

“We're like the blood in our veins. We must flow without stopping. Keep the oxygen moving and your mind working.” 

and while this may lead to possibly thinking he could be a waterbender, he uses his knack for fluid motion and deceptive strength for a different purpose

not only can he lightning bend, he can redirect lightning which takes an immense amount of skill and is drawn from waterbending techniques

maybe its also the hair cause it looks like he got hit by lightning

Kenma:

ill be honest, i dont think Kenma would be a bender

what he would be ilike is Sokka, super smart, the strategizer, the man with the plan

who people look to for the next step, the brain of the operation

and i dont think he’d necessarily have a speciality besides overwhelming ability to observe and make decisions

so basically…he’d be the same LOL

Yaku:

earthbender

being small (dont kick me Yaku) means nothing (uhh have you seen Toph?)

super dependable and not gunna take anyone’s shit

Yamamoto:

Tanaka’s counterpart

his homeboy

his fellow firebender

both ready to throwdown at a moments notice

Fukurodani: (wow i suck i dont know anyone well enough but these two)

Bokuto:

did someone say airbender??

i just keep imagining he was the one to teach Hinata the air scooter and they fuckin zoom around while Bokuto is hollering at the top of his lungs

his hair already looks winblown, like he just stepped off his glider and doesn’t bother to fix it

also im cackling bc airbenders prefer evasive manuevers and…i keep thinking about that time he ran away from a block and Akaashi called him out for it

Akaashi: (ily Lake for helping)

so apparently setters are waterbenders

bc this boy is definitely one

he has nice fingers (weird i know) but i can see him just making these beautiful hand motions to bend water and hnngg yes

ok but in a more real way, waterbenders have strong fluid motion and understand those around them, they believe in very strong connections between individuals 

so even when Bo is out of the game, Fukurodani doesn’t fall apart because they have strong connections and can survive without him 

[caskit2]

Gorillaz Analysis

Caskit’s not ready to throw all their cards on the table but the time has come!!! 

Okay then, I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to talk about here with Gorillaz cause DAMN!! 

I love gorillaz, 

I love the characters 

damon is a gift that we just dont deserve 

But how did I end up in the fandom pool? 

Well for one, I have heard of gorillaz music back in middleschool but at the time I was busy with Invader Zim and Inuyasha as well as jumping into this band wagon as well  (Full metal Alchemist) 

so by the time I turned to look at Gorillaz was when phase 3 was JUST wrapping up and making way for phase 4. which means I jumped into a fandom that had characters that I knew NOTHING ABOUT. Do you know what that means?

It means I also had no understanding or knowledge of why people shipped “this or that” in the fandom, but I gained some intel on the characters and the growing plot of the story, but other than that, I didnt understand why I was drawn to a particular “ship” in the fandom.  

*actual expression made, im not joking*

Once upon a time, caskit discovered 2doc and was not surprised that this was a ship. I have seen similar stuff that has a common theme that i was drawn to at the time. I was more interested in why fans ship them so I dived in head first into the boiling lava and came to a conclusion.,.....

I dont see them as able (capable?) of ever ending up in the way that most 2doc shippers would pick. The two are chaotic on levels of different tiers of “weird and gross” and I dont really have a reason as to why i was drawn to the ship, but It made me want to analyse what exactly a stable relationship is!

I basically walked around in that area of the fandom and didnt really form any “attachment” to it. I never really experienced a “healthy relationship”, lived in childhood and teen years were I went through life avoiding relationships. So I didnt have a good start, but I knew eventually that I would have to explain myself. 

I feel bad that I wouldnt be able to give a solid answer to what makes me want to sit down and analyse any scenario that has “present abuse undertones” but I know that in the past and how I grew up with what I was exposed to...That I would come to realize how unhealthy it is just for me. 

This post isnt particularly about 2doc itself, but its more about discussing how I handled MY reaction to something that I have seen over and over. In a way, I could see those abusive tones that were present.

Basically Caskit never experienced good healthy relationships and decided that it was a good idea to use gorillaz as a processing strategy....not a good idea in the end cause...OOOHHHHHHH 

It confused me more than before!!! 

I got friends that tag their stuff, and I dont really get so bothered with peoples own opinions, cause I was more worried about how I would come to understand everything. 

When I think about how fans are dividing and putting up a wall to keep “haters outa my yard”  it usually has to deal with shipping stuff, and character hating. And I guess I was confused about everyone’s perception of the characters.

Talking about the characters, I dont have a “least favorite to most” cause I have specific connections to them in different ways. 

I can find similarities to noodle for the expectations she had in a band at age 10 and growing up (plus we are both gays that dont like to publicly talk about relationships) 

I connect with Russel cause I lost a piece of myself  after a paranormal encounter and 3 near death experiences and suffer hallucinations. His protective demeanor to little noodle clicked with me. I see him as the Heart and soul, dedicated and warm friendly guy. ( you mean a decent human being right?)

I relate to 2d in a way that I share his enthusiasm, and mad bravery to live with the same guy who ran him over and caused 2 accidents that are permanent. 

I relate to murdoc in a weird way...  His childhood hits too close to home for me, as a CSA survivor of 2 incidents, pain addict and victim of abuse, draws similarities. But there were things that he has done that match things to my past like the abusive father, and dwelling on the darker aspect of a bittersweet reality. I was expressing physical violence to “show affection” and was never called out for it. I was not just a victim, I was also the abuser and since it was something that murdoc is faced with, is why I hated him. He is (for me) the thing I hate about myself. 

When I saw more and more fans hating on murdoc I wondered if people would ever think I was the same as him. Fans didnt like the way he treated 2d  and the rest of the band, And I agreed. Fans hated him for lying and causing drama and I agreed.  

His ignorance was a comedy slapstick (dressing in a nazi uniform cause he thought it “looked cool” despite russel telling him that its not a good idea) and was seen as the “crazy hooligan that has delusional dreams of fame”  and it bothered me that jamie used this to cover up allot of obvious issues that needed to be addressed. and the way that the fandom treated him made me think about how I would be accused of being like him. 

(thank goodness I didnt cause a car accident and have to sell my soul to satan for a shot at fame with a kickass band and didnt make uncomfortable sexual jokes or ignore others that tried to help me.) 

I can separate what justifies the hate on murdoc when it comes to abuse and causing shit to go down. becuase I did those things in the past, but it didnt take me more than a decade or more to realize that what I did was wrong! I didnt take forever to change for the better. so Im frustrated at him for taking so long to turn around and go “holly fuck im a bastard! I should probably fix that” 

Yeah NyOO ShiTT HunnayYY!! 

I dont hate him for being an idiot, I hate that he symbolizes all things wrong about me that never got closure! 

him admitting to being the cause of 2d’s social anxiety and eye damage as well as the abuse is easier said than done! but the fact that he is letting everything out of the “in-denial basket” is nice for me to see, cause right now Healing and progression in closure to issues of trauma is what is important to me. 

The endgame for my perspective on 2d and murdocs relationship is this: 

I dont want to ship them

I dont even see it as a thing regardless of character development and both guys working through their own shit themselves. 

I am not the best person to explain what a toxic or abusive relationship can be. 

Why? becuase I lived through it and I was both the victim and abuser to myself  and grew up without a good relationship (and I have a fear of positive affection) so I dont enjoy going through the same pattern as before where i shipped abuse in the past as a “dumb 13 year old weeboo” 

I dont view their relationship as romantic, or platonic, or healthy. 

I just want the boys to enjoy their own character growth individually. 

I would like to eventually see a friendship with them But I’ll be more excited if instead the whole band eventually gain a healthy relationship with everyone.  

Year 2018 marks the year I jumped in head first into gorillaz as a blind fruit bat 

(I call it the year caskit played with fire) for cosplaying ‘murdoc fuckn wrinkles’ at a convention around the time the fandom was yelling at him and jamming to 2d’s album. 

Caskit jumped into the shipping lava all for Behavioral analyzing and hopped over fences to see other fans perspectives of characters they liked and hated just to make sure Caskit could understand the illuminati that is Gorillaz. 

I made friends all over the fandom, and thanks to a few people, I gained more confidence to push my art skills and create some kickass art of Gorillaz. 

And yeah I yap yap about murdoc ( looks over @russelhusselhobbs im sorry you put up with my bullshit) but remember peeps. 

I like hearing about the others and have gotten more into 2d’s character as well as Jumping over the fence to go hang out with russel fans and listen to fangirling from friends and just trying to be a freakn fairy godmother and deliver some good representing art. 

And for those who aren’t aware, my past artwork is probably gonna float around so if its signed as Caskit or Caskit19 then its mine and if you see my old 2doc stuff.....,

for the trigger. 

But YEAHHHHHH!!! I wanted to throw all this on the table. and I dont know how to feel about that...(I swear my friend jokes with “need some feel good inc for Caskit” ) Kinda contemplating my choice between sticking my head into a hornets nest or jumping into a dark water trench.... the hornets nest sounds less likely to give me a seizure induced panic attack so ill go for that. ( I have a tolerance for inflicted pain so no you cant hurt me by using violence cause I dont have any consideration for myself and my safety)  

But yeah now I can get back to drawing fun stuff. (hopefuly caskit wont have to bore you guys with stupid shit ever again! xD) 

[sometimesrosy]

story idea anon here! Im not 100% about everything I said exactly but to recap: I have a story idea for basically a series (5 books) and I’ve had it for awhile. The thing is, it’s sci-fi, which pretty much needs plot driven writing. I’m not good at that. It doesn’t make me wanna write. I’m good at character/feelings/relationship driven writing and that’s what makes me want to write and move the story forward. But I don’t wanna give up on the book just because I don’t know how to adapt.

(2) Obviously, because in order for things to happen, the plot is the thing that needs to move forward chapter to chapter in this kind of fiction. I know that. But it doesn’t seem to excite me, at all. I get excited about the slow burn I have mapped out, the story lines that will go on and complete each other from the first to the last chapter, the twists, the romance, the friendships and unexpected partnerships, the cliffhangers etc. All of it. But writing the things the characters are doing?

(3) As in plans and action scenes and fighting and bad guys and whatever? Nothing. It just seems like a chore and makes me procrastinate on moving forward. But I’ve had this idea for so long and I really like it and I really want to tell this story, I just don’t know how to do it right. Do I make it more character/feelings/relationship driven even though it doesn’t necessarily fit the genre? Do I power through the parts I don’t like even though it will make the process last longer? Do I change

(4) stuff? Do I try to change myself and my style? I don’t wanna just give up. Please help. (also i dont know if i’ve been on anon or not cause i just kinda started typing and didnt really stop)

Okay. Sorry for not answering this yesterday when I asked you to send in the missing #1 ask, but I had to do all sorts of other stuff and didn’t have the focus. Now it’s morning and i’m in writing brain, so let’s go.

All right, so it seems like you are struggling with the conflict between what you WANT to write and what you think you’re SUPPOSED to write. 

The key to this struggle is to always let the WANT win over the SUPPOSED TO. Oh, well that sounds like I’m advocating complete and total writing anarchy! Who needs plot! Who needs structure! Nah I’m not. Not really.

BUT I am saying that you need to write the story you NEED to tell, the one that’s humming below your skin. Write the story you want to tell. Write the things that make you passionate. Write the things you’re good at.

Now this doesn’t mean ignore the plot or genre or the things you’re bad at. Facing the frisson of your fears and insecurities and struggles adds a tension to your work and leads you into new places that will surprise even you. So one of the things you can do when stuck between WANT and SHOULD is learn how to BALANCE them. 

Okay, that doesn’t sound like letting the want win, but that’s how I work. 

FIRST. FORGET ABOUT GENRE REQUIREMENTS. I mean, don’t. You know the world you’re writing in and the rules you have to follow. You know what you love about it, work with that. But it’s not as strict as you’re thinking it is. You get to BEND the rules, without actually breaking them. Sure, we love sci fi because of the action and ideas… and sure, i personally might have given up on the literary fiction genre because I was SO bored of it, but if you take the character and language driven style of literary fiction and combine it with the plot and concept driven style of sci fi, what you have is a DAMN FINE STORY. You see what I’m saying? You can use the best parts of BOTH to make your story better. BALANCE. 

You don’t have to sacrifice who you are as a writer to write a particular genre. It’s part of you and it’s your voice and what makes you unique. I’ll tell you a secret. I’m actually a poet. I don’t write much poetry anymore, but I take my poetry and put it into my science fiction and fantasy. My whole writing style is based on, basically, the poetry of the world. I may not give each sentence the attention I would a poem, but the impulse is still there, even if the genre is miles away from what I’m writing. And that makes for a better story. Sometimes I think I’m a better fiction writer than poet PRECISELY because I use my poetry IN my fiction. 

You aren’t WRONG as a sci fi writer because you like to focus on emotions and characters and relationships. You’re a sci fi writer with character driven stories. I guarantee you that people like that. Not all people. And some people will complain that it’s not hard enough or science fictiony enough or too girly or whatever, but, honestly, WHO CARES? Don’t write for everybody. You can’t please everybody. Write for yourself. 

I personally prefer my science fiction to be character driven and I prefer to have some element of love in there, and I need to be able to connect to the characters emotionally. I think this is one reason why I prefer women writers. And one reason why I stopped listening to male critics about “What makes sci fi sci fi.” Because frankly, I’m more interested in how society works and how characters move within society than I am in whether or not my FTL space travel could conceptually work or the intricacies of war and weaponry. If boys want to play technology war in space, they can. I want to find out how that war affects my characters when it’s over and they have to keep living. Now what? 

Oh. In case you didn’t catch that, there is definitely a gender driven status thing within the sci fi community that invalidates women’s stories and glorifies men’s stories, so please make sure that’s not what’s in your head while you are critiquing the kind of story you want to tell. Because if NK Jemisin’s THREE consecutive Hugo awards, and the backlash against her winning them, is not proof that we WANT the different stories, and how some people don’t want us to tell them, then I don’t know what is.

The sci fi and fantasy genre is always changing and shifting to allow for new ideas and ways of writing. That’s what it’s for. It’s speculative. And we like new ideas. There is lots of room for experimentation. There’s lots of room for alien thinking. lol. you see what I did there? The point is, sci fi is about new and different concepts and where they could take us. Go ahead and invent your own genre. Or maybe you’re not inventing it, and it’s already there as a subgenre and you never noticed. There is actually a sci fi romance subgenre, and it’s a subgenre of romance I think. I don’t tend to prefer it because it follows the tropes of romance rather than sci fi, but you can also write sci fi that focuses on romance, like Sharon Shinn. Her stories are very romantic. But definitely sci fi. 

Okay, so that’s some conceptual stuff I want you to think about in regards to your writing process and style. But I also have some practical suggestions/tips/hints that might help you get over your hump. I’ve got two in my mind right now, lets see if I can come up with any others as I go along.

One trick. What I do sometimes, is to set up the overall, grand scheme plot, and really have no idea how I’m going to get there. Like that part you’re talking about, writing about what the characters are doing? None of that is set up. When I get there, I enter into the character motivations. Feelings, thoughts, backstory, personality, goals, desires, fears. ALL of these things are what move my plot forward. Because what I keep asking is, “how would this character react to this situation.” Now if I’ve done my job with character building then I will KNOW because I know my characters history and personality, and I can power the story with their growth and struggles. The question is always, “What Would MC Do?” I drive my plot forward by following my characters through the world I set up and basing their decisions on who they are. Some of them are emotional. Some of them are logical. Some of them are angry, some are pacifistic. All those characters are interacting with each other and shifting the story this way or that. This causes tension and gives us problems to solve and ways to solve it. You pick the ones that get you to your endpoint. Sometimes I think I’ve taken myself AWAY from my planned ending and I’m like, oh well, I guess I need a different ending. And then I get to the ending and, like magic, everything I set up starts falling into place and what I originally planned and thought had failed has been building all along. (GOOD JOB, SUBCONSCIOUS!) That has happened to me TWICE in the past year. 

Another trick. This came from a twitter post where someone was saying how she wanted to just write stories about WLW in love, but she didn’t have a plot. And I said. What do you mean you don’t have a plot? That’s your plot. Love is the answer. Love is the goal. Obstacles to love are what your characters need to fight through. Love is how your characters find strength. I said, make love the super power. Make the villain be the one who is trying to kill love, whether individually or on a universal level. For sci fi there are so many ways to do that. Maybe they’re trying to create a solely logical universe. Maybe they’re cyborgs. Maybe they want to kill a planet that the MC loves, IDK. Use your imagination. Fit it to your story. Don’t create an obstacle and plot that doesn’t connect to your desire for character and relationships and love. MAKE YOUR PLOT ABOUT THAT LOVE. It’s sci fi, you can invent the technology to make it real. Or magic if you’re doing fantasy. IMO it’s the same thing.

Oh here’s another thing. Maybe you need to stop listening to your doubts and internal editor so much, telling you that what you’re writing isn’t right. The thing that helped me get over that obsession with doing it wrong was actually nanowrimo, which I did for the first time in 2006. If you’ve done it before, or if you haven’t, you might be ready to take on this challenge to write a novel in the month of november this year, for this project. You’ve been thinking about it a lot. It sounds like you’re ready. And if you have to focus on getting the wordcount done, and you start focusing on character instead of plot, you won’t have time to get worried about whether you’re being too charactery and not ploty enough. (how is charactery a word but ploty isn’t? anyway.) And then by the time you’ve written it, you can read it over and decide if your plot is thin or it doesn’t move you forward enough, and THEN you can ADD IN THE PLOT ELEMENTS that you don’t write in your process. WHAT? Or you can remove some of the slower character driven stuff and just use it for your character development. Or even take it out and turn it into a short story. THIS is the writing process. The revision process. Just write your little heart out, and then go back over it to add in the elements you’re missing and remove the things that don’t move the story forward. 

TL;DR Whatchutalkin’ bout nonny. You’ve got a plot. You’ve mapped it out. It’s character driven. Stop doubting yourself. If you want more action, stick it in there. Make it relationship/character driven. Don’t change yourself. Make it work. 

ps. i answer questions here about writing, no problem, but i have a writing blog where i try to collect posts (mine and others) about writing, and art and creativity @rosy-writes so if you want to follow or scroll that it might be more focused, although this blog is more active.

[redkiteradio]

7 Trends You May Have Missed About fireinsidemusic

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens music that she wrote greater than a decade in the past, the woman who came being regarded only because the piano Instructor available what, in hindsight, looks like an eerie glimpse of her own long run.

Im relocating away currently to a spot so distant, in which no person is aware my identify, she wrote while in the lyrics of a tune referred to as Relocating.

When she wrote that tune, she was youthful and vivacious, a piano Trainer and freelance audio writer who loved Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Seems, extensive walks and every thing about New York.

On a type of beloved walks, by Central Park in the intense sun of a June working day in 1996, a homeless drifter beat her and attempted to rape her, leaving her clinging to daily life. After the attack, the terms to her music arrived real. She moved away, away from New York City, from her previous life, and all but her closest mates didn't know her title. To the rest of the globe, she was — much like the a lot more well-known jogger attacked in Central Park 7 many years previously — an nameless image of the city nightmare. She was the piano Trainer.

Now, to the 10th anniversary of the attack, she's celebrating what appears to be her complete Restoration from brain trauma. She's 42, married, with a small child. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano teacher, and he or she would like to tell her Tale, her way.

Her health care provider told her it could consider 10 years to Get better, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I really feel my lifetime has actually been redefined by Central Park, she reported many days back, her voice tender and hopeful. Prior to park; just after park. Will there ever be considered a time when I dont Feel, Oh, this is the 10th anniversary, the 11th anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch home within a wooded subdivision in the Ny suburb. She sat inside a dining room strewn with toys, surrounded by photographs of her cherubic, dark-haired two-year-outdated daughter. A Steinway grand crammed 50 % the home, and at one position she sat down and played. Her participating in was forceful, but she seemed embarrassed to Engage in quite a lot of bars, and shrugged, rather than answering, when asked the identify on the piece. She questioned that her daughter and her town not be named.

She phone calls that working day, June four, 1996, the day After i was harm.

Hers was the 1st in the string of attacks by the same guy on 4 Gals above 8 times. The last target, Evelyn Alvarez, sixty five, was beaten to Loss of life as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleaning store, and in the end, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison.

Still the assault within the piano teacher may be the just one individuals seem to recollect quite possibly the most. Section of the fascination needs to do with echoes of your 1989 attack around the Central Park jogger. But Furthermore, it frightened people in a means the assault to the jogger did not because its instances had been so mundane.

It didn't take place in a very distant Element of the park late during the night, but in close proximity to a well known playground at 3 inside the afternoon. It might have transpired to anyone. The tension was heightened with the thriller on the piano academics identity.

For 3 days, as law enforcement and Medical professionals experimented with to find out who she was, she lay in a very coma in her clinic bed, nameless. Her mothers and fathers had been on family vacation and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. At last, one of her students recognized a police sketch and was capable of determine her in the clinic by her fingers, simply because her facial area was swollen over and above recognition. The law enforcement did not release her identify.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is giving a lesson in her studio apartment on West 57th Avenue, then putting her long hair in a ponytail and heading out to get a stroll. She does not remember the attack, While she has heard the accounts from the police and prosecutors.

To me its like a fact I learned and memorized, she stated. As though I were a college student in school learning record.

She would not think about The person who did it. I might need been angry for the minute, but not much longer than that, she claimed. How could I be offended at John Royster? He was declared not crazy, but I assume by our standards he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her medical professional at The big apple Healthcare facility-Cornell Medical Center, as it was acknowledged in 1996, instructed reporters that she had a ten percent probability of survival. Health professionals experienced to eliminate her forehead bone, which was later changed, to help make place for her swelling brain. When her mother manufactured a community attract pray for my daughter, hundreds did.

Right after 8 days, she came from a coma, very first inside a vegetative state, then inside of a childlike point out. As she recovered, she slept very little and talked continuously, often in gibberish. I was acquiring mad at individuals when they didnt reply to these phrases, she explained.

Like an Alzheimers affected individual, she experienced minimal limited-time period memory and would ignore people as soon as they remaining the home.

Over a number of months, she needed to relearn how to stroll, gown, go through and produce. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, frequented every day to play guitar for her. He encouraged her to Participate in the piano, versus the advice of her Actual physical therapists, who believed she could well be annoyed by her inability to play how she as soon as had. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets along with her, actively playing the remaining-hand component although she performed the right.

That was my best therapy, she explained.

In August, she moved back again house to New Jersey, together with her father, an engineer, and mom, a schoolteacher. She visited aged haunts and referred to as good friends, trying to revive her shattered memory. I used to be pretty obsessed with remembering, she mentioned. Any memory decline was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists assumed her development was wonderful, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she had missing the ability to cry, just as if a faucet inside of her Mind had been turned off. One particular evening, 9 months just after she was damage, she stayed up late to look at the John Grisham Motion picture A Time and energy to Get rid of. Just right after her father had gone to mattress, she viewed a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on trial for killing two Adult men who experienced raped his youthful daughter.

The faucet opened, along with the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought about my mothers and fathers, my father, and whatever they went by, she said. Very little by small, my sensation returned, my depth of thoughts returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went back again to school and obtained a masters degree in songs education.

Not everything went properly. She and Mr. Scherr break up up 5 years after the assault, while they remain good friends. She dated other Guys, but she generally advised them concerning the attack right away — she couldn't support it, she reported — and they by no means called for just a next day.

We have to discover you someone, her Pal David Phelps, a guitar player, explained 4 yrs back, ahead of introducing her to Liam McCann, a pc technician and novice drummer. For as soon as, she didn't say nearly anything with regards to the assault until she bought to learn Mr. McCann, after which when she did, he admired her power.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had normally visited her at her bedside when she was from the medical center, married them in his Occasions Square Business. She wore a blue dress and pearls. Though she was Expecting, within a burst of creative imagination, she and her good friends recorded Although Had been Young, an album of childrens tracks that she had prepared prior to the assault, such as the track Transferring. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, created the CD. On it, her spouse performs drums and she plays electrical piano.

Is her existence as it absolutely was? Not specifically, though she is reluctant to attribute the dissimilarities to her injuries. Her previous two piano learners remaining her, with no contacting to clarify why, she mentioned. She has resumed playing classical new music, but easy parts, mainly because her daughter isn't going to give her time for you to exercise. As for jazz, I dont even consider, she stated.

She would want to drive more, sensation stranded from the suburbs, but she is definitely rattled. She attempts to be content material with keeping house and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a medical professor of neurological surgical procedure at what on earth is now referred to as New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Clinical Middle, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann once the assault, said last week that her level of recovery was unusual. Shes fundamentally normal, he stated.

Other gurus, who are not personally aware of Ms. Kevorkian McCanns circumstance, are more cautious.

Regaining a chance to Enjoy the piano may well entail an Pretty much mechanical method, a semiautomatic remember of what the fingers should do, claimed Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of clinical rehabilitation drugs at Big apple College Faculty of Drugs. The moment Mind-injured, you will be always Mind-injured, for the rest of your daily life, Dr. Ben-Yishay claimed. There is not any overcome, There's only intensive compensation.

The greater telling part of a Restoration, in his check out, is psychological, and on that score he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns relationship and youngster as an important victory.

For her portion, the piano teacher appreciates she has modified, but she has manufactured her peace with it. I was type of a hyper —— I dont know if I was a kind A, but I had been ambitious, she states. Why was I so ambitious? I used to be a piano Instructor. I dont know what the ambition was about. I actually did return to the individual Im designed to be.

[therealestatesparkblog]

How Adopting 7 Kids at Once Led Me to Launch My Real Estate Investing Career

The truth is that I did not get involved in real estate in a meaningful way until later in my life. I have been a chiropractic physician for 29 years, but Im really an entrepreneur at heart. I have started or purchased six multi-discipline medical clinics in my career and have been involved in a number of other businesses. None, however, have matched the combination of relative safety and potential returns afforded by real estate. Still, for some reason, I could never pull the trigger and launch my real estate investing career. Unfortunately I sat on the sidelines for a number of years. I hoped to get started but never did. Like many of you, I read Robert Kiyosakis Rich Dad Poor Dadand a few other real estate books, but it wasnt enough. Looking back now, I can point to several life events that lit a fire under me and finally got me off the bench and into the game. Over the past few years, I have flipped a couple houses, owned a small apartment complex, developed a large commercial retail strip center, syndicated a 125-door multifamily townhome complex, and am just finishing the co-syndication of a large self-storage deal. I am in my 50s and wish I had started earlier. No matter your age, though, if you are procrastinating like I did, hopefully you can use one or more of the following five steps to get started. 5 Steps to Launch Your Real Estate Career1. Find your passion. Twenty years ago, my wife and I became interested in adoption. We had two biological kids at the time and wanted to adopt a third child. While working with an organization that facilitated the adoption of Eastern European orphans, we heard about a sibling group of seven Russian children that the Russian government was going to split up and send to three different countries. My wife decided she would make it her personal mission to find a family that could keep these siblings from being separated. The idea of someone taking that many kids into their home blew us away, and we made a list of all of our friends and acquaintances that we thought might be able to afford such a monumental task. The Russian government announced they would be separating the children in a few months. As the date approached with no takers in sight, we began to ask ourselves if there was any way we could adopt them ourselves. Its a very long story, but fast forward to August of 1988. We were told at the U.S. Embassy that we had completed the single largest adoption in U.S./Russian history (at a single time). It was a big culture shock to bring seven Russian speaking kids into our home for sure. But the real shock was just around the corner when the financial reality of our decision began to hit home. Nine sets of clothing, nine bikes, nine soccer teams, nine college educations, nine weddingsyou get the picture. The financial pressure began to build. I rapidly set out on a course to produce more income. I started or purchased six different medical clinics. I developed anathletic club, which eventually grew to 1,500 members. I purchased a sports performance enhancement franchise. And we even started a coffee shop/deli. Some produced more cash flow than others, but the one problem all those businesses had in common was that they took immense amounts of my personal time. I was fairly successful at creating additional income, but I was killing myself. My family life was suffering. I quickly realized working 70-80 hours a week would not work. There are few things that I am more passionate about than my family, so I threw myself into a massive search for ways to create passive income. It was this search that eventually led me to real estate. You can do the same thing. Figure out what you are passionate about. Focus on the end results. Getfired up and use that passion to fuel your real estate dreams.

Related: If I Started My Real Estate Business Again Today, THIS is What Id Change 2. Harness fear. As humans, nothing makes us react quite like fear. Fear comes in all shapes and sizes. There are literally hundreds of types of fears and phobiasfear of pain, of disease, of injury, of tight spaces, of rejection, and of failure, to name a few. People will do just about anything to avoid their fears. If they are forced to face fear, they go into fight or flight mode or they are paralyzed by fear and do nothing at all. Fortunately, a random encounter with a couple of patients changed my investing mindset forever. It was March 6, 2009, and the stock market was in the final throes of its great crash. I walked into a treatment room, and there sat a patient with tears streaming down his face. It was odd because this was a big burly guy who had just retired from a local factory and was a pretty tough character. I soon found out he was not crying because of his back or neck pain but because he had just lost almost all of his retirement savings in the stock market. Apparently, this gentleman had taken his retirement payments as a lump sum and had recently dumped it all in the market. As he sat on my exam table, he explained how in a few short days, he had lost more than 70 percent of his retirement savings, and those savings had taken him 40 years to amass! I am not usually at a loss for words, but nothing in my medical training could have prepared me for that moment. A couple of days later, I was seeing another patient. Mrs. Smith (not her real name) was a 50-something retired school teacher and seemed to be in a better mood than normal. I noticed her cheerfulness and asked her why she seemed so happy. She went on to explain how she and her husband had taken all of their retirement funds out of the stock market about a year previously and had used the funds to buy rental property. Their rentals were leased, and frankly, they were really enjoying retirement. Fortunate to have gotten out of the market when they did, this new landlord was not affected by the downturn in the markets at all. I had really never trusted the stock market. I mean, with the almost-daily headlines of one major bank after another caught cheating their clients or gaming the system somehow, this ladys message really hit home with me. Even so, I had always been too afraid of missing out on that once-in-a-lifetime Amazon or Microsoft stock pick to shift my investing away from the stock market. Right then and there, it finally hit home. When it came to real estate, I was afraid to make a mistake that would cost me money. Since I was not sure when or where to start, I just sat doing nothing for years. I had analysis paralysis, but I realized I was much more scared of ending up like my first patient, crying in a doctors office somewhere having lost the majority of my retirement. I finally made a commitment that real estate would be my investment vehicle of choice. 3. Find your motivation. A few years back, an MRI revealed I had a torn rotator cuff, torn labrum, and arthritis in my shoulder. Decades of occupational abuse and years of chasing baseball scholarships had taken their toll. My orthopedic physician announced I could either give up my chiropractic career immediately, or in about four years, I would need a shoulder replacement. Suddenly, I was heading toward for an untimely retirement. I was shocked. I had dedicated the last 29 years of my life to helping people heal. My entire identity was tied up in being a healthcare provider. At the same time, Obamacare was rapidly eroding away my practice of two-plus decades. I had no idea what I would do, but knew I needed a plan and needed one quick. After much angst and a considerable amount of prayer, I decided it was time to jump in with both feet. I still have a medical practice, but am working full-time on a plan to exit healthcare as soon as possible. Even though I didnt recognize it at the time, life circumstances helped me find my motivation. Each individual has their own unique mix of life experiences and desires that fuel their drive for success. For some, its the thought of a penniless retirement. For others, it is the commitment to never let their children grow up in poverty (like they did). Some people say that success is a lake home or traveling the world. Others have an altruistic motivation to give back to those less fortunate. There are 1,001 books on ramping up personal motivation. For me, however, it boils down to a very simple concept: Focusing on my goals 10 times more than I focus on the roadblocks. Every time I run up against what seems like an insurmountable roadblock, I pull out my list of goals and focus on what I want to accomplish. Time spent focusing on what matters most turbocharges my motivation levels. The roadblocks seem to work themselves out. Whats your motivation? Related: How to Jumpstart Your Investing Career as a Multifamily Deal Finder 4. Hire a mentor. Every athlete from t-ball to the big leagues has a coach. They need someone they can learn from who is more experienced. Someone who knows the ins and outs of the game. Its no different in real estate. If you are serious about learning the craft, you need to find someone to teach you the ropes. When I finally got serious, I hired a mentor. I knew if I spent my hard-earned money on a program, I would take it seriously. There are lots of mentors and training programs on BiggerPockets. For me, I knew the more expensive the program, the more commitment I was likely to have. I am not talking about a weekend seminar with a few handouts. I chose a company called 37th Parallel Properties. Their program is a comprehensive year-long mentorship. It includes visits to real assets across the country (much like getting an MBA in multifamily investing). Dont get me wrongnot everyone needs to pay for a mentor, but dont attempt to go it alone. Learn from someone elses mistakes. Its one of the many reasons I am such a big fan of BiggerPockets. You can learn so much just by hanging out in the community and reading the advice of experienced investors. Whether you hope to invest in single family homes, self-storage units, large multifamily communities, or mobile home parks, there is always someone with expertise willing to share.

5.Leverage the experience of others. Maybe you dont need to change careers like me. Maybe you just want to use commercial real estate to turbocharge your portfolio. Maybe you just want to be a passive investor and have very little interest in toilets, tenants, and trash. If you are an accredited or sophisticated investor, syndicated deals may be the best approach for you. Some companies offer syndicated real estate investments. They specialize in sourcing lucrative real estate assets and packaging them up for passive investors. They typically underwrite the project, perform all due diligence, line up debt, and complete the purchase. The companies then operate and oversee these assets so that their investors can realize great profits minus the headaches. Choosing a company that you feel comfortable with is the key to any syndicated investment. While it is a much quicker way to jump into the fray, be careful! Take your time and choose the specific deal and syndicator carefully. Ask lots of questions and always check references. So, what is holding you back? Whats it going to take to get you off the sidelines? Dont procrastinate like I did! Hey, if an old chiropractor can do it

What motivation led to your first investment? What did your journey there look like? Take a moment to share what it took to make your first real estate investment! https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/seven-child-adoption-launch-real-estate-career

[crookednature]

on possessive relationships

Criticism is common in your relationship, with your partner ridiculing your spending habits, lifestyle choices, what you eat or drink, or your appearance. Its hard when you fall deeply in love so quickly. Just like I did, three months ago. Im feeling a sense of shame in ONCE again falling into what I know deep down is something that isnt right. But Im madly in love. I know, however, that I need to open my eyes. So many women and men alike struggle with this endless teeter totter of love and self-love. This anxiety can evolve from intricate manipulation, sometimes so complicated that you start to question your value. Your partner can make you feel guilty or badly about your past decisions, constantly referring to them as if they are part of your current character. As Rick Warren states, “We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.” If you are constantly reminded of your mistakes, you will soon feel robotic, as a product of your partner’s programming. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, there will always be something to keep you where your partner wants you.

As a result of trying to please your partner, you become different-you stop going out with friends because you fear the judgement. You start hanging out with their friends, so your partner controls the direction of the bus. They will character shame your friends if they fail to fit into the mold of what they deem appropriate. Your partner mau hold grudges and justify their own mistakes by comparing them to yours. My favorite one is the complete hypocrisy justification. The “I don’t do that all the time-she does it every day.” If life were a math equation of character flaw tallies-I’m pretty sure I’d go fucking insane. I’ve done some reading about manipulative relationships and wanted to share for anyone who needs a little guidance.Because youre not the crazy, you are not alone-you are a human being that deserves love and love means embracing flaws, understanding situations are not black and white. You should never have to worry about being yourself. Part of who you are contains the mistakes that you make-if you learned from it, you grew from it.

Last night my boyfriend was pretty drunk on the phone with me talking about a fight he got with black people at the bar. His racism progressed to such an insane level, that I had to hang up the phone. He was generalizing an entire group of people based on a few bad experiences he has had with black people. Of course he can be angry at the individual, but blaming an entire population of human beings is absolutely unacceptable. He called me a “n****” lover and I hung up the phone. In my past, I have dated black men and he said that “no guy wants to hear about their girlfriend with a black man” even though he ASKED ME IF I HAD BEEN WITH BLACK MEN. If you don’t want to know, dont fucking ask. It makes me weak in my stomach when he brings it up, it is hateful and disgusting. (HE USED TO DATE AN ASIAN WOMAN).  But his response is “ask ANY WHITE GUY WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT THEIR GIRLFRIEND FUCKING A BLACK DUDE” His friends all are white and have black girlfriends. Yet, I am in the wrong. And im thinking that this may be my new litmus test for finding a true, real ass fucking man. If having slept with black men bothers a man-then get the fuck out of my life. This is the one huge part of the relationship that is so beyond me. He apologized this morning and I didnt accept. But he said  “youre always crazy to me when youre drunk and i always forgive you” but I stopped texting. Any sane person would leave their man right? My mind is unprepared for another heartbreak. Some serious changes will have to be made in order for us to continue. 

PHEW.. If you’re in a relationship like this...you know that they are tricky. Sometimes you can work things out. But sometimes you have to give up love to grow. 

protectiveness and subtle jealousies turn into possessiveness.

-They make excuses to justify their mistrust or dislike of a classmate, friend, or family member, slowly detaching you from friends or family. They justify they are concerned for your safety.

- In an effort to prove your devotion to them, you work harder to appease their fears – spending less time out with friends, cutting off communication with anyone who could be considered romantically interested, and sacrificing family gatherings to avoid conflict.

-You become increasingly isolated from support systems like friends and family, and as a result, you become more and more dependent on your partner

-They use affection as a tactic to exploit and control you.Their love is based on your willingness to conform to what they want

-Somehow, other people are always to blame for your partner’s problems, and they never accept responsibility for issues in their life.

-Criticism is common in your relationship, with your partner ridiculing your spending habits, lifestyle choices, what you eat or drink, or your appearance. 

-While you fight with each other, you think it’s normal to disagree sometimes. You stay with them because you believe that you can save them or get them to change their ways