#i dont lose interests dont worry :)
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kiss the pain away
#vashwood#trigun#trigun stampe#vash the stampede#wolfwood#nicholas d wolfwood#ep 10 was crazy bc vashwood was literally the plot goodbye#i like how the most intimate moment between these two was in the goddamn sewers#i feel like that alone symbolizes so much in their relationship. im half joking BUT ITS JUST LIKE#the SPONTANEITY the PRIVACY they get in such an open Space while being literally chased / hunted after....#and vash is out here showing his scars.............. and ill always lose my mind that they gave this spotlight to wolfwood instead of#meryl and milly like in the previous versions. i dont know how else to read this other than that wolfwood is the romantic interest of stamp#it makes sense even aside from this scene. u know. wolfwood was technically the damsel in distress in ep 5-6 and vash saved/helped him.#and who stayed in the bedroom with vash.................#who rushed to his side when he got shot...... with that worried ass expression....#i dont have anything smart to say at all im just gushing over vashwood thru stampede bc its just so blatant. and its great that its blatant#bc it was blatant in trimax too. like so blatant. the romance was written in every chapter they showed up together#god#ive never witnessed a pairing more canon without being spoken as such its soooooo much theyre so much#ruporas art
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Which character has your favourite line in the show?
"Meaningless word. Meaningless."
i want him to step on me like a bug
the disdain, it gets me. You can really see who Armand is and what he's capable of here. Louis is fragile, he just tried to kill himself, but Armand doesn't forgive ooh no, he's sooo angry he's so hot
there are a lot of layers to what's going on, because it's been boling inside of them for so long. but this:
"sorry? you said you're sorry? yes, repeat it, i didn't hear your babble. Right, i don't care." GOD. you know what i mean???
#i don't know if ~I~ know what i mean but he's sooooo interesting#he's angry#he's sad!#losing control#and worried about himself (you left me for death#who am i if i dont have a role to play#who am i if i dont have anyone left)#“my daughter was my sister was my throwpillow” is too obvious so let's go with this asdff#interview with the vampire#iwtv#asks#mine#armand#armand iwtv#gif#gifset
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I go into a deep sense of mourning when I remember Sam's loss of individuality after s5 😔😭
#he could've been so interesting but they just made him like#“dean 🥺😟” “cas!!! 😟😟” “mom 😭😔” “jack 🥺😭” like im sorry but his only personality trait after s5 was soulless or Worry#they killed Sam#they killed Sam and made Jared play Jared instead#dont get me STARTED on how him losing his psychic abilities was such a bad choice#look im not a samgirl but i will vouch for early seasons sam till i die he deserved better than s5-15 sam#sam winchester#spn#supernatural#spn meta#sam supernatural
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"Seungmin would be SO hot if he got muscle like, can you imagine?" You would be hotter if you shut your mouth but we can't always get what we want so <3
#the amount of times ive seen this exact comment or sentiment over the past 6ish months in particular#truly pissing me off <3#like first things first- hes already handsome so if you dont see that... its fine. we all have different tastes but also be quiet <3#but like we know first hand from him that he isnt particularly interested in the gym and working out#hes not a changbin. its not his thing- he goes to keep up stamina for live shows#and the fact hes been very specific in saying so any time anyone mentions him working out and going to the gym is so like......#its kinda obvious that hes doing a polite 'please dont hassle me about getting bigger' so he makes sure to always go Its For Endurance#and yet i still see this and also. um theres other members who are muscley so why does seungmin also have to follow that route?#like if you want muscle theres people you can go look at... but also half these people cant even identify actual healthy muscle#vs. someone being so skinny that they have no fat on them and somehow think thats real muscle so like lol#its been so specifically the past half a year tho like whats that about why#its really one of those be quiet im so tired#well on the otherhand i was so stressed about my doctors appointment but now annoyance took the worries place so 🤷♀️#like its funny how X should lose weight comments are recognised for being shitty but the 'x should totally change his physique' is chill tho#like if seungmin organically of his own accord ever becomes a muscle bro bc /he/ wants that than for sure i'll be like Woo go seungmin !!#but only if he wants it. not the fans being annoying not bc of staff or beauty standards not bc of the other guys
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What if i surpise dropped the first 8 pages out of nowhere and then didn't update for months would that be a bad idea
#it's makin me anxious#and i might be losing interest#so posting it could give me motivation and help lower the worry#but once i post it i cant change it 😔#and i still havent finished the draft of the last like 40 pages so the story is unfinished#it turn out to have about 50 more pages than the previous one#too long too long#well i could just post the cover but then i wont be able to post in 8 pages each because the places it cuts would be bad#also that would be like hyping it up i dont want to hype it up i would die#also who knew story writing was so tiresome
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Does anyone else get the thing of like you're already so obsessed with something that you're like it would probably be good if I was less obsessed with this / I need to shut up about this but at the same time you constantly find yourself thinking I have Got to get more obsessed with this. I have Got to get more obsessed
#its the thing of like i really want to spend more time on this but also i feel like i shouldnt spend all my time on it so i try to reel it#in but im not particularly good at doing that anyway so i really am like i should just say fuck it and immerse myself even more however#its hard because the more i do that the harder it is to reign it in when i do actually need to#but theres so much i want to research and learn and also do and spend time on where im like i have Got to dedicate more of my time to this#while at the same time being like this is already taking up so much of my time but also because i worry that it is i end up wasting a lot o#time that i could be spending getting more obsessed with this thing. soooo idk but i dont know if that makes sense#its like how im also really bad at working on music becsuse i know when i sit down i will lose several hours so i avoid it but then i end u#not playing music...but i would be happier if i let myself just lose myself in it but then idk. im bad at like Setting aside time for thing#its always all or nothing which is frustrating!!!!! but its like my worry is i wont be productive in other ways but im not anyways so#it doesnt actually matter... sooooo yeah i have Got to get weirder . i have got to just let myself get weirder asap#i think this is also part of the late diagnosis thing of i spent my Entire life forcibly repressing my interests and cutting myself off fro#them after being told i need to. but actually i can just be weird but its really hard to let yourself do that without shame but it is#unjustified in this instance therefore i should take the opposite action and just keep doing it sooo im gonna do that. bye!#i am gonna go listen to bootlegs for approximately 5 hours
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn���t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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Knight Zwei West Ishmael on- your house actually, pay up.
#bart#ishmael limbus company#ishmael lcb#limbus company#im not undressing this woman unless all love fucked up scars and an actual old woman in your face#anyway i will be HOPEFULLY making lots of lore about u corp#i also wanted to dig into how abnormalities and distortions are treated because its so inch resting#also carmen is interesting too have i said that? no dont worry im not degrading her into distortion means ot else ill keel over#i am in the fucking trenches all the fucking time in every place i go to dont even WORRY#not yall folks on tumblr. i read yalls tags n stuff and they make me smile.#im lurking and im stalking when you least expect it#but yall have pretty good opinions im eating this shit up#the fandom on twitter actually making me lose braincells its actually so bad how it looks like they eat and read slop all day#anyway(pt2) i cant wait to explain some of the scars ive given her. i actually have a lot of lore for some of them it makes me happy#ive messed with ishmael a lot and i hope she actually looks like she has been weathered by the sea. please tell me if she does or dont#also i cant expect much from Twitter my oomf just watched somebody be ignorant and fall for racist propaganda in a GAME no less
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How exactly does SR change his batteries? Like is there a grace period before UCR takes over? Or does he just stand in front of a mirror and when he takes them out SR is just in the mirror void coaxing UCR to do the right thing for their family and put in the new ones, also sometimes promising him a dead squirrel or 2 next time he's out. (I love the mental image that in their nightstand is just a stack of fresh batteries in one drawer and roadkill in another that Lesley has the key to in order to stop UCR from gorging himself on "treats") sorry this got a little headcanony at the end I just really love your au.
This is basically how he does it 👇 step by step
He does it every so often 🔋🔋When hes running extremely low on energy he has to switch them out for newer ones
#and he keeps alot of spares in his dresser drawer#also YES for what u said about ucr#idk about the roadkill bit tho- hmmm#because they dont rly switch since sr worries that ucr will like..kill people#he trusts lesley ofc but he does everything he can to not lose control#dont apologize btw!!!! im happy ur so interested dude ❤🥺#sorry this is slightly crappy too i made this while i was half asleep oogh#my art#dhmisau#smart roy#asks
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hm.
#if you find yourself worried that growing in faith will remove parts of your personality becayde you might suddenly lose interest in#what makes you you#thats something you really have to like Investigate. deep down. because in the end even if you change a bit you will be Better. l#like you will be where God wants you to be#the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked etc#like i GET IT but also . growing in faith doesnt make you a Totally Different Person it doesnt take away all your interests#maybe it changes how you interact with them and the importance you place on them but like#me being more spiritually mature than i was a year ago doesn't mean that im not interested in poetry anymore or i dont like all the media#im invested in anymore#EVEN when i felt called to stop listening to secular music#i was like oh well ill just be boring now#no girl theres worlds out there of good music by christian artists you just gotta find it#anyways. this is rambly#i cant really make this concise#but really like. sometimes you gotta reconsider your priorities#God created you as you are WITH your personaliyy#sure we were born in sin etc but your personality being sanctified does not mean that you will lose it#yk#anyways#reminds me of this story abt a guy asking an older brother about if he should be listening to secular music#and the brother was like . ok well first off answer me this#if God told you to only listen to ska music for the rest of your life would you listen#and the guy was like ?? what??? no???#and the brother was like well then you still place your preferences higher than Gods#kind of silly and i do still think theres nuance in the music thing#but like. Yk. The Basic Idea
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OH YMGOODSDD IVE BEEN CRYIGN FOR THE PAST LIKE 15 MINUTES OVER THIS FIC OOMF RECOMMENDED UUGHHH MY CAT DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO THINK Oh my god someone i need to punch msyel f in the face This eprsojn. This person gets them all so well… Read it Please Please This is going into the fav fics. Oh mymgod. Theres so much i could say about this fic its so beautiful i just cant find the right words right now https://archiveofourown.org/works/58959985#main
#And it was written by the same person who wrote confessions of a followspor opeerator Oh myg do. I can barely think straight righr now I WAS#STARTING TO KIND OF LOSE SOME INTEREST IN PRSK OR AT LEAST BE WORRIED THAT I WAS AND THIS LIFTED ME BACK UP INTO HEAVEN#Unfortunately my mom walked in rifhr after and started scolding me since i fell asleep so i couldnt cry for long and now im annoyed but Ok.#Read this pleaase I love show freaks soo much btw But really its perfect Best amnesia fic ever.#i rlly need to finish rereading everything now this was so good and hit everything right on the head. Actual peak#their interactions felt so Them i dont even know how to put it into words im so tired rn but i can feel tears in my eyes again#fav#eye candy#ao3#rui kamishiro#pjsk#prsk#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#project sekai#tsukasa tenma#emu otori#nene kusanagi#mizuki akiyama
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sometimes i feel so intangible to other people even my best friends so whenever someone acknowledges something about me/says they've thought at length about me/etc i get so surprised
#txt#one of my besties yesterday made a comment abt how low energy ive been over the past couple months#and what i was like before this#and i was like Oh#this isnt forever#there really was a different feeling vibe before this all started happening#something tangible to ppl around me#right#ppl are perceiving me#but it felt nice to have it be acknowledged that ive been behaving the way that i have been Because of these awful external circumstances#bc i feel like ive been such a bad/lame/presenceless friend for a while now#i feel so drained#so im like..glad people dont think its forever and arent like. losing interest in me as a person#and are actually concerned for me even behind closed doors/when im not there#and are excited for me to start feeling better#im excited for it#i wanna feel normal again so baddd#but im slowly starting to make plans w ppl#its all rly overwhelming tho i have to find my calendar and start using it agaib#time flows so weirdly to me i keep worrying abt how long ive been like this#but really a few months isnt a lot in the grand scheme of things for me to be off ljke this#im not irreparable and my friendships are all waiting for me to be ready
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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Any plans for a follow up to ‘butcherbird, fly away home’? I <3 that fic so hard.
Oh my gosh! What a lovely ask to receive haha. <3 The answer is yes, absolutely. I have outlines (some more detailed, some....not) for at least three other fics in that series, and plenty of ideas for more.
That said, my writing brain is currently tap dancing its way through the Spies are Forever fandom (I HAVE GAY COLD WAR SPIES ON THE MIND AHHHH), so I'll probably write at least a couple things for that first to get it out of my system. But a sequel to Butcherbird is basically inevitable - I've been thinking about it for ages and have plenty of inspiration!
#fwiw i have been a batfam fan for going on 8-9 years now so#while my level of fixation does differ/vary month to month#you probably dont have to worry about me losing interest lol#me: sorry DC fans i have to take a break to write about a gay spy musical from 7 years ago 🤡🫡#OOPS
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Blue and not fully human gang rise up
#keese draws#oc posting#eternal gales#just two more characters left! bloom and tali :D#I have both sketched already too so they should be finished soon#which is great for me because it gives me over a month to not have to worry abt refs too much for artfight#I’ll probably still make and remake some more refs but these are the ones I care abt#but yeah for those unaware fydd is half human half bird alien and dodie is mostly human but made with ~magic~ sort of#oh and fun fact that idk if I’ve ever mentioned but in the old story that fydd’s alien half comes from they were called taziens or smth#his moms are also from that old story along with two dodie’s mom and another alien guy#his name is grumps and he never actually comes up proper but he does exist in the world of eternal gales#fydd’s moms are recky and becky with Recky being the alien and also a poet and becky being an ex warriors kid#and dodie’s lame nonbinary mom is named cups and they’re just trying to not have a panic attack#there was also I believe two other characters from that story along with one one of my siblings made#but the two I didn’t bring back were ones that were added later on in that story’s development and ofc Im not stealing an old oc lol#but yeah the other two were brothers who were conjoint by the wings snd they were like lego kids or smth I think?#I rly dont remember this story was from a Long time ago and while it maintained my interest longer than most of my stories at the time#I still ended up losing interest fairly quickly after I started conceptualising eternal gales#and by that I mean a couple months later I think? idk my memory of that time period is fuzzy
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so im moving back home next month to save some money during my last semester of grad school, and as grateful as i am for even having that option, a not so small part of me is very scared that it may turn out to be... not quite as temporary as i am currently hoping it will be🙂
#i am looking forward to getting rid of this expensive apartment#and im just extremely grateful that i get to have a little grace period#where i dont have to worry about making rent for a little while#but im also wondering if i might be putting myself in a situation that will potentially be very difficult to... well. escape#my financial situation is less than ideal#(thats a euphemism)#the interest rate on my student loan has exploded since last year#(up from 3.7% last september to 8%. yes. eight per cent. i actually had to increase my monthly payouts just to cover the interest payments)#and its forcing me to rethink all of my plans#for the future#rn its looking like that might be the final nail in the coffin for my phd plans#(just as i was starting to get over my impostor syndrome too)#so. what the hell do you do with 2 english degrees when you suddenly cant afford to do the one thing those degrees are actually good for?#the answer is not a whole lot#finding another place to live in the near future will be harder than ever#and as much as i love my parents#i cant stay with them for more than a year#i will lose my mind#or what little is left of it lol#so yeah#the sky seems awfully dark all of a sudden#ill be fine once they take me out back and shoot me etc etc#but anyways#just a little life update i guess#do me a favor and ignore this#i dont think i can handle any sympathy rn#and i definitely cant handle any antipathy lmao#i just needed to get this out#tbd
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