#i dont like the weird digimon fanservice too

[boy-armageddon]

im like. The biggest digimon defender ever its fucked up that it also really sucks tbh

[tumblunni]

its weird how like my fave genre of games could be vaguely categorized as ‘nurturing things’ yet i fuckin hated every single thing of that kind that was pushed on me as a child

like hell yes i love pet games and games where you get customization and a sense of progress on building your character, and like even i like ‘parent games’ when they’re that sort of thing instead of just weird shoddy gross baby diaper changing bullshit. Like wtf who on earth even wants a game about raising a kid where you don’t get to see them grow up and graduate high school and make you proud in one of 63 careers?? seriously i am still so salty that this is such an underutilzed genre and i still have to play creepy anime fanservice dos games from the 90s cos thats ALL I HAVE. Why u showing my perfect sweet videogame child in creepy fanservice costumes I JUST WANT TO SUPPORT HER ACADEMIC LIFE

but anyway lol WHAT I MEAN IS

even though i LOVE that stuff i fuckin hate all that cliche ‘girl toy’ bullshit I love character customization but I hate it when its framed as ~lol girls just inherantly love fashion oo catty girl time~ and you only have this one stupid sexist creepy giant boobs doll and no customization except costumes and the only costume options are either sexualized or really stereotypically ‘girly’ and also you have to be rich as fuck to buy all these stupidly overpriced individual outfit packs and then you cant even DO anything with your barbie! at least in a videogame you can have the novelty of replaying the same cool fantasy adventure with your different characters, and like.. it has actual substance BEYOND just the customization! And I mean you can see your customization in action in a 3D environment and having a Story and Cool Powers and a voice and animations and all that jazz! And interacting with canon characters without having to buy all those separately too, and then do terrible impressions of the voiceacting from the show on your own... cos man that’s what i used to actually do with any ‘girl toys’ i was given, i saw absolutely ZERO appeal in having fifty ordinary houses where you can do nothing but sit barbie on a damn chair and gossip about husbands or whatever. Like fuck that’s already lazy and awful cos you’re telling the kid to make up their own reasons to find any enjoyment from the damn toy, but at least cliche ‘boy toys’ got like... a story template. And one that;s actually interesting and involves fighting n shit, and their accessories actually GIVE THE TOY NEW FEATURES but yeah like even making up a whole new story about barbie being a superhero got boring quick, cos she wasn’t remotely relateable or interesting. Like I’m glad that nowadays they do more with the character but even if they’ve fixed some of the predjudiced shit she’;s still.. not interesting?? just gone from cliche fashion boring to absolutely personalityless ‘good role model’ with no defining traits whatsoever. So I used to just destroy barbies or make her the villain in everything, and had a big box of naked barbies with missing legs and stuff while i gave all their accessories to all the pokemon and digimon. Still really pissed at how few of the outfits would fit on Impmon! Seriously it sucks that also all the good ‘boy toys’ were really stereotypically macho in one way or another so i was barely ever allowed to have them and i felt like they hated me even when i did get to play with them. And the only tv shows at the time that I liked that weren’t ‘for girls’ or ‘for boys’ were pokemon and digimon, which were still kinda treated as ‘for boys’ but didn’t even get the ‘boys style’ of merchandise. like barely ever poseable dolls that i could use in more creative play, they were just like collectables you put on the mantlepiece. I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR CYNTHIA NENDOROID BACK THEN!!! i used to break all my damn digimon trying to fit them into lil outfits or throw them around doing battles, and then i made myself hella sad. I’m sad I don’t still have that super broken but extremely loved patamon transformer doll, that thing was THE BEST! like man why did they stop doing those after the first season?? actually digivolving your digimon was the best damn idea! did they get sued by transformers or something...??? and I mean GEEZ its not like I didn’t like cute stuff or hugging stuff or being nurturing or friendly or whatever people claim is the ‘wholesome value’ that female stereotypes teach kids. but man all that shit just ruined the stuff i loved! its so alienating! and why is it always super low quality and limited?? fuckin Baby Alive Really Pees And Poops,And Does Nothing Else Ever And Has No Personality. yeah girls you sure wanna see only the bad sides of nurturing and be told over and over that your life is gonna be nothing but this as soon as you inevitably start wanting to marry boys, which is totally gonna happen according to every damn adult, and will feel like a death sentence to any kid with any other sexuality. like I fuckin got my Official Digimon Tamagotchi and it was like the whole world opened up to me, like wow Pets Can Actually Do Things Other Than Shit. And i mean at least in an lcd game thing the pet shitting actually serves some damn purpose and provides resource management gameplay to decide what evolutions you get, instead of just Somehow You Should Enjoy Changing Diapers, You Little Fuck. I loved that tamagotchi so much i fuckin broke it too, like WHY WAS KID BUNNI KRYPTONITE TO TOYS?? the battery crapped out cos like i held it too tightly and the case on the back got loose?? so it’d short circuit whenever it went into sleep mode and wipe all my save data. and i still kept playing even though i could never digivolve anyone beyond their first stage before it glitched out. And then I got THE PLAYSTATION VERSION WITH ALL THE GRAPHICS and just AAAAAA it was like the best fuckin thing ever. and Monster Rancher!! and Princess Maker!! kid me could spend 60 straight hours looking after nonexistant babies and talking dinosaurs and cry like a damn bitch when they died so DONT TELL ME I’m lacking in healthy nurturing skills just because i don’t wanna be mr marketing guy’s fucked up idea of a straight woman...

...man sorry this post turned into a really weird rant why did i think about this at 1am

also like even flash game internet dollmakers are better than the cliche stereotype dolls they were based on god I’m perfectly fine with collecting a bunch of things if they’re not forcing some offensive message down my throat! i still remember how confused and pissed off i was when i figured out that my little pony was supposed to be A Gender Thing too, like geez they’re fuckin horses. and the show was actually like THE ONLY THING i was allowed to watch that had actual adventures and fighting monsters and stuff! its so bad and minimal now that i look back on it, but like man it was all I had. No wonder i got so into pokemon when it came out, look here’s a thing to collect that’s all ABOUT fighting monsters! i always wanted figurines of the monsters from those dumb girly shows, it was so annoying that MLP g1 had that episode about ‘oh the Crabnasties are people too, they’re not evil just because they look gross’ and then WHERE IS MY COLLECTABLE CRABNASTIES THEN?? WHY CANT I PUT CUTE ACCESSORIES ON THEM?? fuck u that was the most memorable episode also actually why did i have to wait so many pokemonn generations for a crab that appealed to me? krabby is so boring, its just a crab with weird human eyes. and i’m inexplicably creeped out by that one from gen 3 cos its like an optical illusion, i thought the markings were its face! thank the gods for crabominable and also damn the gods for it being hated by 90% of the fandom for reasons I will never understand :( ...BUT STILL WHERE IS MY CRABOMINABLE BEAUTY PARLOR PLAYSET YO

fuck its 1am why am i still awake why can’t i stop thinking about dragon quest 9 but you play as crabs THAT WAS THE BEST FASHION SIMULATOR EVER, DAMMIT

[tumblunni]

I NEED TO PRODUCTIVITY GAMES Anyone ever have a moment where you have TOO MANY CHOICES on a thing that you like, so you cant decide which to pick and you pick none of them and you just sit here being sad??? I have that as a huge problem on Steam, whenever I get a humble bundle or a deal or something and I have more than five games I havent played, I sit here paralyzed. And now I currently have OVER 100 GAMES that I haven’t played! Thats how bad I’ve let it get! if I don’t play a game immediately after i buy it, or if I get ANY DEAL EVER, I just never play it and I’m stuck here scared of playing things I enjoy, somehow?? I’,m just so confused, my brain doesnt have the capacity to comprehend the reasoning that’d allow me to choose. I’m really REALLY desperate to play one of these games but WHICH ONE FIRST AAAA Why does it even matter which one i play first??? And some of these have been in my play list for OVER A YEAR so i dont even remember what the game IS, and its even harder to choose! I get scared going into things blind for some reason even though I know its just a game and it cant physically hurt me. And the times steam games have most psychologically blindsided me were all games where I DID do the reasearch and I had no way of working harder to be prepared for the twist, it was just the fault of reviews not mentioning stuff that really needed a trigger warning :P That GODDAMN lolicon witch simulator game that goes three hours in looking fine before suddenly throwing little girl vaginas and weird positive portrayals of female-on-male rape at you, and the game description doesnt mention the sexual content at allllll And then Amnesia Memories wasnt a completely irredeemable game and it wasnt as disgusting as that, but still it had really creepy nonsense out of nowhere and I’m glad I was prewarned at least... BUT YEAH ANYWAY This is the pain I am stuck in right now cos my dumb brain doesnt work :P And I guess I might actually be able to blame that witch game for starting me doing this stupidness, gahhh. ive always had a problem with being scared of making choices but it never went this far before I had a reason to be scared of games :P Two out of three games that’ve freaked me out like that are all steam games and all of them happened in the last two years for some reason. Games are getting way more sexualized without having appropriate age warnings, I feel... And i mean, its not just that it contains fanservice that is bad, its just when its this weird unhealthy shit. Why is THAT so much more common suddenly in 2015-17?? Goddamn ps4 digimon game having bondage gag rape metaphor boss battle against an underage teenager, goddamn monster possesion thing that looks inhuman when it absorbs men yet looks like a rape cage for the only female victim. WHYYYYY ...actually that probably traumatized me MORE than the witch sim, cos it was a franchise I trusted making this horrible mistake. Halfway through a 70 hour rpg that I’d chucked 400 HOURS into because I wanted to unlock all the digivolutions :P Much more painful when it hurts your opinion of a franchise you actually WERE invested in, WERE enjoying... I’m much more scared of accidentally enjoying half a bad game and then friggin having to mourn it as well as being traumatized :P ANYWAY GAH THIS IS THE PROBLEM I need to focus on just clicking a random game in my list and being able to actually enjoy it, rather than remembering bad stuff and getting unnecessarily worried I actually had this exact damn feeling before I played Undertale, it was why i took like a month to play it after it came out. i was so scared that the hype was wrong and there were a bunch of confusing rumours going around of there being ‘a virus jumpscare’ that was specifically bad for people with anxiety disorders and I was completely blind about what the game was about so I had no clue it was this uplifting morally good thing that just happened to have some scary bits. Normal scary bits that any other damn game could have, nothing worth trigger warning unless you have a specific fear of that particular thing. And the ‘virus jumpscare’ was only in the no mercy run so you kinda deserve it. i think everyone who deliberately takes the bad scary route probably already knows its gonna be bad and scary?? But yeah I had that spectre of worrying over a sudden unexpected unexplained bad thing happening at any moment, and it took me ages to get past toriel’s introductionary scene and ease up enough to actually enjoy the game, actually get immersed... This kind of feeling makes me not enjoy games that I otherwise would have enjoyed, so i kinda do have a reason to worry about playing a game during an anxiety mode... But then again playing a good game can snap me OUT of anxiety mode, like Undertale eventually did! GAHHH MY DUMB BRAIN IS SO HARD TO CONTROL