#i dont know why they just seem like kindred spirits | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

donnerpartyofone · 11 months ago

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anon here who feels a great kindred spirit with you, maybe one day i'll have the guts to message not anonymously but frankly i really admire you and also struggle with the mortification of putting myself out there directly it may be one day but not today. ANYways. just saw your post re: the knee-jerk reaction of ppl to say something like "no! everyone is special (or beautiful/smart/talented/etc.) in their own way!" when you or i tries to acknowledge something that is real to us and that affects our day to day life. ive touched on stupidity before bcuz that is something that you've articulated better than i ever could but you were talking in that post a little more specifically abt physical beauty and i do think theres something to be said there for usamerican individualism. bcuz ive heard a lot that other countries/cultures find our particular brand of individualism to be weird to say the least. and i have, for most of my life (and this is true now), had a body that has been perceived as very desirable (eg. skinny, but still have tits and an ass, proportionally "good", etc.) but my face i have always known does not live up to beauty standards. bcuz of this, ppl closer have had a hard time understanding why i struggle so much with self esteem related to my looks and have often jumped to "but youre so pretty!" when i try to talk abt it. the outside of this is that i look like a child in the face and am often mistaken for a child even at 28. when i was an actual child, read: 18 and under, i received a LOT of attention from men, often men who were old enough to be my father. now that i am not a child that attention has waned, even though i've put on a little weight and my body is frankly more rocking than ever. BUT my face stays unchanged and i think i have so of an uncanny valley effect on ppl now. im bringing all this up bcuz this is another piece of kinship i feel with you: even before i started really paying attention to your posts discussing things, i really admired your selfies bcuz you and i actually look pretty similar, we have the same texture of hair and a similar face. but i have always felt that, from your pictures, you seem much more "in control" of your look than i do. i love your sense of style and i love how you do your brows so dark and dramatic but also seem to wear (as far as i can tell; im not much for makeup so correct me if im wrong) relatively little makeup otherwise. regardless of how you look, you project an image (as always, i know i can only know you parasocially so take this as much or as little as you want to) of someone who knows how they look and how they want to present themselves. i personally keep my head buzzed most of the time, and when i first started doing it, i did it bcuz it meant that no one had any excuse anymore. they had to look at my face and acknowledge my whole bare face with no distractions. it was a way of directing how i was perceived. now i dont know if thats what your brows are to you but ive always thought "wow, the dramatic brow is such a masterful use of makeup and direction". ive always seen the way you present yourself as seeming thoughtfully and well curated, and ive hoped for myself that i could someday present that way. as you can tell, i really admire you lol. hope im not being weird. im not really sure what my point is here but once again you articulated something well that i only have ruminated on abstractly.

i've also been thinking of you bcuz recently i ran up against the old "im too stupid to do this normal thing and now it may badly affect my life" situation: tried to put my tabs on my car and bcuz they were taped to the paper, they just broke into pieces on the tape when i tried to peel them away. so i just panicked and badly pieced them onto my license plate in a way im sure will seem infinitely more suspicious should a cop notice and decide to pull me over. my husband tells me tabs are supposed to do this as an anti theft measure, this is information i somehow missed in my 28 years of life and 12 years of being a legal driver. and if i get pulled over im not honestly sure i know where all my necessary paperwork is and will undoubtedly start shaking from anxiety which also looks suspicious when i try to hand a cop my id and my hand is shaking like a leaf. and i havent been pulled over yet but now every time i drive my car im going to be thinking abt it. god willing the distraction of fear of the unknown wont lead me to crashing my car but thatd be just the thing id do too. just wanted to share bcuz i think youre probably the only person who understands how it feels and bcuz hey, i want you to know youre not the only one out there muddling through life as a series of actions and unforeseen consequences, no matter how foreseen those consequences "shouldve been".

sorry for this long and rambling message. i have no two-ipas excuse this time as its morning here and im stone cold sober (the ipas were the voodoo juice ranger by the way) but you just make me think a lot, and again, i admire you very much. thanks as always and i hope that today is, if not easier on you, at least tolerable in terms of its challenges.

Dearest field correspondent, I wish I had a more thoughtful, interesting response to your kind message, but unfortunately you may receive instead le big rant. I am very low self-control lately and you're all going to have to pay for it! I'm thinking about my 85 year old father-in-law who is still razor sharp and full of energy, and so he is vividly aware of the nearness of death and very anxious about it. At his birthday dinner he started preaching to my husband and me about how you just have to live every minute you've been given to its fullest, and I often think about how he's right and he's wrong at the same time. Like it's patently correct that you should treasure whatever life you're allowed, but I think it would take a mental giant to really do that unless you're just basically a terrific person with few problems. If your personal chemistry makes you feel bad all the time due to circumstances or past trauma or plain old bad wiring, it's really hard to just consciously choose to feel good and be filled with gratitude and slurp all the delicious marrow out of your day. And what if your days don't have that much marrow to begin with? Of course if the Christmas ghosts came and snatched you up and confronted you with the preciousness of the life you are squandering, that you can still redeem if you try, that would change your tune, but it's hard to get that same kind of life-changing effect by just intellectually acknowledging the value of yourself and your time on earth.

(I'm gonna put a break here so I don't eat up everybody's dash, brb)

I was thinking about this, in a way, because somebody just asked me for a head shot for this project I'm on, so I was going through selfies to see if I had anything appropriate, and man was that depressing. Of course Tumblr was serving a jumble of new and old pictures, but some of them looked really good, even recent ones. And I know I wasn't enjoying myself at the time that I took them, any of them. I was just struggling to feel good about myself out of some perverse sense of obligation. I've always had the urge to express something with my appearance, to build up some kind of power and efficacy around what I could do with it, but I never felt anything like that happening. I mean for every selfie that was good enough to post, there are at least 100 I had to throw out that were ugly and embarrassing and more like "the real me". And I know just from living my life that I'm not attractive, my entire social experience does not reflect that of an attractive woman; even among the guys I dated, it's hard to weigh the two who actually liked me against the majority who were just indiscriminately looking for some pathetic specimen to torture and humiliate in order to feel good about themselves.

(And I guess this is TMI but who really cares, I'm sure no one is even reading this, but the irony is that I'm really great in bed. It's a fact. I just love sex and I'm not at all embarrassed about it and I have a knack for getting people comfortable really letting loose and getting to do what they truly want. I know this for sure not only from being in the room, but from detailed postscript testimonials from partners--even the ones who secretly hated me. And naturally that makes me feel pretty good, but it feels incomplete somehow, without the sense of control of my own appearance, without a satisfying relationship to my own body which disgusts me and is constantly causing me unmanageable problems both aesthetic and medical. Like I really want to just crumple it up and throw it in the trash, who fucking cares)

But I see some of those (highly staged, illusory, pain-in-the-ass to shoot) selfies and for a second I'm forced to wonder why that person had to feel so bad about and not have any fun at all, every single day. And now it's extra hard because as I might have said, I've had rosacea for around 15 years, and most of the time it was just a fairly manageable if embarrassing redness, but ever since I took the asthma medication Symbicort for a month this summer, the condition has been progressively deforming. I don't even look the same as I did this fall, and I have no reason to believe things will get better or even level out. Like, this is it. I feel like I don't even have the same skull shape as the girl in these cute pictures from September. I'm stressing myself out wondering about all kinds of procedures I can barely pay for, that could potentially make it worse actually. I'm wondering if I need to quit my public-facing volunteer gig, one of the only things that gives my life meaning, because I'm sick of how red and bloated and wet I look in every single livestream, and I don't like it when I'm occasionally accused of being drunk or I'm randomly told to "calm down" because I looked like I'm panicking even when I'm not. I don't know what to do. I wish I didn't care. But it's tough to look back at old pictures, even just from six months ago, and think Damn I didn't know how much worse things were about to get, I should have live-laugh-loved through every grueling moment of my luxurious mediocrity while I still had it to enjoy!

--On that note there's a certain curse of women who are like, not ugly enough for it to feel like a hopeless case, but who also don't actually have much potential to do anything satisfying with themselves. If you absolutely know that beauty isn't an open road for you, you can choose not to waste energy on that and you can focus on any number of other things that can make your life happy and meaningful; but if you have that nagging suspicion that maybe you COULD be finding exciting ways to express yourself through your looks, then you're dogged by this feeling of dissatisfaction and constantly wondering if it would be better if you just threw in the towel and called yourself ugly so you could stop thinking about it, or if that would be wasteful because maybe something nice would happen if you just made more of an effort, maybe there's still time, maybe you need the right haircut, maybe you need to shake up your wardrobe, maybe you need to learn that advanced hygiene routine that you always found too confusing to master, maybe you just need to get in shape, maybe et al ad nauseum. It would be better not to have to wonder about it all. And of course there's social pressure to maintain ambiguity, especially for women: You're supposed to work really hard to be hot, but you're supposed to act like it's all effortless and also like you have no idea how attractive you are. But you can't be unrealistically humble or people will hate you for that, too--they'll hate you for being dishonest, or they'll give you shit about your apparent self-esteem issues, because somehow that is always everybody's business. You can't win!

You're right that I don't wear much makeup, I really never learned; I never had a mom who was interested in me or the kinds of female friends who help you learn all the pageantry. I wore some makeup for a little while at the end of my 20s because I had to go to my fancy brother's wedding and I was embarrassed about looking raw and dowdy forever in his fancy wedding photos, so I forced myself to learn a few things. But basically I don't want to be bothered, and I enjoy the Joan Crawford brow I do, but that's utilitarian also--if I'm not paying attention I'll rip all the eyebrow hairs out of my face, which is extra embarrassing if it happens in the middle of a work day or something. So now the pencil is essential! And since my face started turning red I usually use some primer and foundation that I really like, although there is very little that keeps my head from looking like a big swollen clown nose, from now on. (All of my minimal supplies are from Make Up For Ever btw, expensive but long-lasting and reliable)

Unrelated but I'm really pissed off that I can't drink anymore, because now it brings on this violent painful flushing, and every time that happens it causes progressive destruction and like, basically every day is worse than the last--which is true anyway about aging, but it's escalated for me. But like, I have severe depression and anxiety and I can't be on any mood medications because they make my tinnitus intolerable, so the only thing I could reliably do for myself was have a little alcohol. Like just half a can of beer would get me through so many tough chores and bouts of mindless fear. And I love wine, I love amari, I love whiskeys, I love esoteric cocktail nonsense, I have a ton of friends from the craft beer world, and now basically there are entire art forms that I can't enjoy anymore, like ever again. And you can bet this is going to affect my relationships. I know people will want to say that's bullshit, quitting drinking is practically always a good thing and your "real friends" will stick with you sober...but that's all pretty hyperbolic. I don't want my life to be winnowed down to only the purest stuff. I don't want this cornerstone of my social and cultural life to be ripped out from under me. I never even developed any bad behaviors to deserve this! And god knows I don't want to have absolutely zero options for calming my nerves. Therapy and yoga and meditation have done nothing for me psychiatrically. I'm just fucked, really, in the dreariest most mundane way possible.

I wouldn't be so hung up on getting drunk and looking pretty if I had some other source of meaning, but it's hard to find that essential driving force when you can't even get through the day's chores like a normal person. I'm on like day 5 of trying to fold my clothes or even just shove them into bags, and I live in terror of the avalanche that is going to happen when one of us needs to get out the bed sheets that I "put away" dangerously in the closet, despite multiple attempts to do it right. I don't drive so you're ahead of me on some level! But I'm 100% positive I wouldn't have understood all that stuff about the tabs, haha. This week I'm seeing my GP and I'm going to ask for a psych referral for evaluations for autism and ADHD. I'm scared that I'm opening myself up to being officially diagnosed as just lazy and negative and then everyone will get to tell me I Told You So about how my only issue is my poor attitude, but I'm sure there's something going on with me, and if it's ADD and god forbid I can get a little medication of some kind that allows me to like wash dishes and do laundry like a normal person without making everything exponentially worse...then, you know, that would be a really big deal. It seems to me that a lot of people are depressed because of some unfulfilled dream they had of being really sexy and cool and talented, or some other superlative--and we usamericans do experience a lot of irrational cultural pressure to be Awesome at something, I'm not looking down on people who suffer from this--but all I want is to like, get on the bus successfully. To not humiliate myself every single time I go to ship a package because I just can't figure out what's going on, yet again. To not be having constant wardrobe malfunctions. To vacuum my house without just mysteriously pushing dirt and hair around into different configurations. To cook a nice simple meal I don't destroy. To have a job again. These are my most treasured fantasies. Maybe if we both put pressure on "the Universe" to "manifest" our dreams this year, then we can have a great 2024!

#sorry lol

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thelegolashairappreciationclub · 2 months ago

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Love Sex Magic by Ciara ft J.T (JRR Tolkien)

Hmm I just wanna spitball some of my ideas about how perspectives of Sex, Marriage and Queerness changed over time for the Noldor. This is gonna be hella long so Read More if you want my opinions on why elves seem so cishet, perisex, abstinance only, wait til marriage despite being so ~°☆natural☆°~ since nature is notoriously bad at being any of the above. (Spoiler; i think it's God's fault, in and out of fiction)

Soooooo.... Pre-Journey I dont think the elves HAD a concept of being queer, in honesty. I think they very much went with whatever felt right to them. I dont think they were particularly chaste, I dont think they only ever had one partner and I don't think it was unusual to have multiple partners at once even. I doubt they had any taboos about gender or sex at all because I think they were far more focused on what made them the same than what made them different, Quendi, ya know? You are not expected to be exclusive with the parent of your child but are expected to stick around to provide for the child. My example for this era is Miriel, Finwe, Indis and Telepsion (an OC, Miriel's twin brother, is taken by morgoth shortly before the great journey). They are in essence a polycule where Miriel and Telepsion are both with Finwe and with Indis. Finwe and Indis are not together at the time but are close friends. The siblings are not together but are dating the same two people and the only flack is poking fun at finwe and indis for having such similar tastes. None of this is considered unusual at this point.

During the great journey there are some changes. As they follow different leaders and split into smaller groups the quendi grow distant and competing for resources leads to a bit of a tabboo for taking a partner from another kindred even if you happen to settle together for a while. Because A. You will have to leave them soon. B. They are technically not your team anymore and C. Should a child result they will not be there to help you with it. An example of this is Nerdanel. Mahtan had a brief affair with a teleri woman, Lalapánen, who refused to continue the journey with Elwe MIA. As he was unwilling to separate from his kin, Lalapánen gave him Nerdanel as she was likely safer with him. She planned to return to them once Elwe was found but she perished before that occurred.

At first not much changes in Valinor, the differing goals and settlements solidify the separation of the kindreds but aside from that things are similar. However, then the valar begin to involve themselves more, begining with the vanyar who revere them most highly. The Valar basically view the elves a bit like.. a project at this point. It is their 'duty' to protect the elves and minimise any marring caused by Melkor and 'Improve' them. And, because even Gods can fall to vanity, they think "well Eru made us as we are so we will make the elves as we are, clearly anything else is a marring!" This leads to a lot of changes. The Valar all favour male or female forms, the ainur the same or else are elemental. Elves cannot be elemental and thus all must be either male or female. Though the Valar, aside from nessa, tulkas, Orome and perhaps vana, are not creatures intimately familiar with flesh and thus their definitions can end up... somewhat strange (this is why a possible definition of female is any elf who can bake bread.) This eventually settles into a definition based on physicality and spirit. If you fall outside of that definition physically (intersex) then that is a marring, if you fall outside of it spiritually in that you do not match your physicality (trans), that is a marring, if you spiritually identify as a deep lake or sudden storm that's... probably ok? But strange for an elf so you should probably join the retinue of the most relevant Vala.

There is also the matter of sex: the Valar don't really do it. Most are Aware of it mechanically and perhaps Some (again the more fleshy ones) occaisionally partake, but it doesn't result in children and they generally don't desire it. Thus, like animals, sex must be for procreation and elves enjoy it because it's necessary for making more elves! There is no *reason* for it outside of procreation though. And those Valar who have a 'spouse' also only have the one and they are, in essence, perfectly paired and yet contrasting in nature. This leads to the triple whammy of A. anything outside of monogamy is a marring, B. Any sex outside of procreation is considered unnecessary or hedonistic and could result in a marring, C. Your partner should not be too similar in form or too like you in nature or that is a marring. This is where we get into marriage and marriage bonds.

In my HC, elven 'marriage', that is, the sould bond formed willingly between elves by invoking Eru etc. Etc. Was not actually meant to be solely romantic nor a one time thing. It was a bond one could forge with any particularly strong spiritual connection. Of course with the expectation of total monogamy, it became increasingly common to only have the one bond with your lover and forging bonds outside of that was slowly pushed into obscurity. These expectations took a very long time to settle and become entrenched and until this point there are still those who look down on the new conventions, Miriel amongst them.

My example for this era is Miriel, Telepsion and Finwe. I believe Miriel had a soul bond with her twin and a 'Marriage' bond with Finwe. Telepsion's disappearance and distance weakened their bond significantly but it remained. When she becomes pregnant, the pregnancy is difficult: her and finwe both pour their spirits into their child but he remains somewhat weak until the very last weeks. Once Feanor is born, Miriel is utterly drained, she was wary of coming to valinor in the first place, resents the valar's influence, misses her dear Indis and misses her brother. She goes to lorien to "recover".... She dies.

... and the Valar blame her death on the bond she had with her brother. After all, this is the first death in childbirth to occur in Valinor that did not begin outside of it, every death before occurred when either one of the parents had a bond with another or there were no bonds between them. The other bonds must 'leech' power from the marriage bond leading to danger for the mother and child! (Nevermind that multiple bonds were common and children were born fine under those circumstances for centuries, nevermind that for the first time they are safe and sheltered and well fed, making deaths rare. They only see the holes in the returning planes wings.)

This is what cements the ideas of marriage, of monogamy, of childbirth as the only goal. Its the nail in the coffin. Miriel was Marred. This is the main view that controls Valinor until the darkening, not always as stringently but always present. With the exception of Finwe and Indis marrying (Indis has no other bond, she is not marred and Finwe's bond to Miriel is totally severed, it cannot leech from them) and the relaxing attitude towards Marrying outside of your kindred as resources become more plentiful.

I will wrap this part up by saying that I don't think the attitudes of Valinor are bigoted the same way we see homophobia or transphobia or intersexism nowadays. I don't think 'abberant' people or relationships are legislated against or hated but I don't think they're well respected either. Non-monogamy, sex outside of marriage and homosexuality are seen as frivolous or pleasure seeking, the goal is not a single spouse and child so it's unnecessary. It lacks self control. It's reckless and indulgent, like drinking to excess. Being intersex, trans or nonbinary is seen as Tragic. They are seen as Victims of Melkor's marring. If they are happy then that's foolish, they are expected to *want* to change themselves. Being asexual or aromantic are seen as puzzling quirks more than anything else, it's not *bad* to marry without having a child but it is a little strange. What's the point of a bond if not to facilitate a child? Not wanting to marry at all is generally just seen as You haven't found The One yet. When you live forever, people don't generally worry about your biological clock ticking, but it's still seen as a bit.. antisocial or arrogant if you're not even trying!

As the memory of Miriel fades, these expectations endure but become less rigid. Most of them fall into the category of Youthful Mistakes that good elves will grow out of, it's only cause for concern if they don't. However, one that remains Completely Inexcusable is having a child outside of marriage or when you have another bond. At this point it's viewed as intentionally endangering the mother and child. Friends and familiy members who have bonds will frequently cut them should they become pregnant and though there are fewer and fewer cases of stillbirth or death in childbirth there's never none. There is almost always a Marring of some sort to blame or point to. My example for this era is Maedhros. Feanor and Nerdanel marry young, not bad but unusual. Maedhros is born shortly afterwards, shortly enough that he may have been conceived before their marriage (he was not, but it was not long after). Maedhros is born physically indeterminate, intersex and thus considered marred. They tell no one this, neither of them believes in it but they refuse to expose their child to the same speculation and rumours that feanor endured. Maedhros is raised outside of tirion, he is well loved and confident and when he decides to join the court on his own they do not know he is marred, so his differences are admired instead of pitied. He learns he can get away with what others can't so long as he presents himself a certain way. So he openly courts women and men; it is normal for the youth to explore and try new experiences after all and he is still young and so other 'adventurous' youths follow. He wears skirts as frequently as trousers, stating that his height makes them more comfortable as well as more versatile in style, and a trend of young, androgynous fashion crops up as a result. But this is a revolution for the young alone, they are expected to tuck away their wild habits as they age. When they grow up there are no excuses.

There are smaller trends around marriage in particular that occur after this era; an era when those who do not wish for marriage are encouraged to devote themselves to the valar instead (Findis and Celegorm are the likely sources of this), a period of exploding skillcraft where marying someone within your industry is seen as a way to improve both of your skills (Maglor and Curufin marry a luthier and industrial chemist respectively) a period where long drawn out courtships are a romantic ideal (Finrod and Amarië are either the cause or result, Turgon and Elenwe are hardly better.)

And then as things begin to break down, as melkor's lies spread and distrust runs rampant: a period where courtships are fleeting but marriage is deathly serious, to marry without the approval of your parents is seen as a betrayal of trust, if they recommend a particular person to you, it is considered rude and disrespectful to flout the courtship without trying, this is why so many are short and unsatisfactory (Fingon endures several of these and remains unmarried, caranthir marries and barely has time to regret it before the darkening.)

Then the Darkening comes and suddenly everyone has bigger priorities.

In summary:

Cuivinen; do whatever or whoever you want, no rules just right.

Great journey; be a bit tactical over who you're boning because it can have consequences but thats it.

Early Valinor; Hey the Valar have some Interesting/Stupid ideas about love, sex, gender and childbirth. We should think about/disregard them!

Post Miriel, The Valar were right FuckFuckFuckFuckFuck, dont you EVER even THINK about breaking The Rules.

Pre Feanor and Nerdanel; hey we all KNOW The Rules are important but you dont need to be a dick about it.... maybe u shouldn't break them though, you are putting ppl in danger :/

Post Maedhros; Go you funky, little bisexuals! Don't worry, you'll learn The Rules when you Grow Up. Just dont make Mistakes or stay like that forever mmmkay? :)

Pre Melkor interfering; thanks to Mae doing it on purpose the royal family now sparks a new trend with every action and relationship, essentially the influencer era of romance.

Pre darkening; Who you Marry is Deathly Important, we will be watching closely and judging your decisions. This has nothing to do with The Rules and everything to do with Loyalty.

Post darkening; do whatever or whoever you want, we dont have time for that this is WAR, PEOPLE.

#noldor #silmarillion #tolkien elves #lotr elves #laws and customs of the eldar #are nonsense imo #obviously this is all just theories and joking but I liked doing this as a thought experiment #death of the author and all that but sometimes i like to consider the in universe reasons for an authors clear biases

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cauchesque · 7 months ago

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in 2027, a little after 2am, men with guns drag the lead maintainer of pipenv from his house. he is driven for two hours in the back of a windowless van- not that it matters with the bag over his head. he doesn't stop pleading the entire time. "no", he says, "you don't understand. i dont oppose the virtual environments, i never opposed the virtual environments, i was one of the first! when i first started using virtualenv they laughed at me but i believed! and pip4 is good-", this is accompanied by an attempt at a sort of placating gesture, limited by the handcuffs, "-really good, but i like using pipenv, all my scripts assume im using pipenv, and really its the same isn't it? i was working on a bridge so it could use pip4 on the backend, just search my office and you'll find it, you'll find it-". none of the soldiers riding in the back with him pay any attention whatsoever except to occasionally tell him to quiet down

at first when the van rolls to a stop and the bag is pulled off it seems like a reprieve. as though perhaps someone higher up in the party had seen reason, had seen that really they and he and the other maintainers were kindred spirits. but all he can see are the grey concrete walls, the barbed wire, the guards patrolling along the top and peering down from towers. a soldier grabs him roughly by the arm and half pulls, half drags him stumbling out of the van and through the trampled grass. disoriented as he is, still coming to grips with his new circumstances, he can't even begin to assess worse possibilities until he looks up and sees where he is being led to. a rusted metal ring juts from the concrete wall, where his hands can be bound. a row of 7 soldiers stand expressionless, facing him. all at once he knows that he is going to die

the next few minutes pass in a fruitless panic. someone asks him if he has any final words or wishes to share, and a moment later he can't recall if he even said anything. someone reads out his crimes, such as they are. then a count is given, the pipenv maintainer spends a few frantic seconds trying to make peace (whatever that could mean), and then the thunderclap of 7 rifles completely fills the courtyard. with his ears ringing and eyes screwed shut he at first does not realize he is alive. then he feels someone grabbing his arms, unhooking him from the wall, and the ringing is slowly replaced by cruel laughter. the soldiers holding the guns, the officer who read his sentence, even the guards up on the wall and the prisoners watching through the chain link fence some ways away, they laugh and laugh and laugh. the guard who released his hands talks to him while he's led back to the van, and he manages to answer. yes, he understands the importance of the mission. yes, he is very grateful to the steering committee for showing such benevolence. why yes, he does know who holds the other signing keys. the van pulls away and another drives in as the guards ready everything for the next go round

this is how you go from 14 competing standards to 1. we can make a better world together

i think maybe we need a python2 -> python3 style shift that makes pip use virtual environments by default. the non-backwards-compatability would be deliberate. anyone not switched over in a year or two would be sent to labor camps to think about why they're such fuckups and how to do better in the future

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morgana-ren · 3 years ago

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SUBMISSION: How about a nasty sweaty incel shiggy waiting everyday for his dad to go to work so that he could have his relief with stepmom?

Excellent submission! Love that. Love that a lot! I find it only fair to warn you, however, that I won’t be doing mommy kink for it. Mommy kink is one of my squicks, and one of the very, very few I have. I’ll do the closest thing to it though: Daddy kink. Also I find the irony of him making his little stepmom call him daddy to be absolutely hilarious.

Also this one is a great concept and I love it but it’s going to have to be a multi-parter cause it got a little bit long. Lemme know if you like the concept and I’ll continue it. Also this posted under anonymous for some reason so cheers to tumblr and its endless fucking glitches that it never fixes or seems to make any better.

Warnings: Noncon, dubcon, sexism, really gross incel behavior, nsfl things, masturbation, violent sexual fantasies, nefarious planning, horrible suggestions from even more horrible friends, absolute LOATHING of family, and entitled bastard.

There is only one thing on this planet that Tomura hates more than his father.

Only one thing can even compare to the level of abject disgust he has for his dad. Everything about the man is abhorrent and degenerate, only tolerated because Tomura is, admittedly, a NEET, and had no where else to go after graduation. But if anything- anything- could hold a candle, it would be his taste in women.

All women are trashy on some level, but his dad really manages to find ones that pretend so hard that they aren’t. Vipers behind the veneer of smiling faces clad in red lipstick and smart skirts. Always “kind”, always “thoughtful”, and always fleeting. Fickle, stupid bimbos charmed by his dads surface level charisma to quickly realize just how shallow the pool became.

Even his own mom was like that: She fucked off once she realized staying with him meant staying with his dad, and that was a sacrifice she wasn’t willing to make. So she left him to rot in this cesspit with his worthless father and no other way out.

He figures he can’t hold it against her, not as much as he’d like. A few weeks with his shriveled up paternal figure and most women quickly figure out they can do so much better. It’s in their nature to seek out the best, and that certainly isn’t Kotaro; A bumbling idiot with nothing to offer on the best of days. They don’t know any better, so they never last long after being brought home to meet his son, and those are the ones that even make it that far.

So when he starts yammering on about meeting yet another skank and how ‘in love’ he already is, Tomura’s eyes roll so far back in his head that he swears his retinas will detach. He makes a point to be around as little as possible, but somehow still manages to catch an earful about his latest fling and how excited he is for Tomura to meet her.

Great.

True to his word, Kotaro brings you home one evening, eager to impress his son with his latest catch.

His father had a lot of nerve dragging him from his room to meet you- his latest glorified slut. Adding insult to injury, you had the unmitigated gall to talk down to him like you were an adult and he wasn’t. Even though you had to crane your neck to look up and greet him, you still talked at him like he was some child. So different from you even though you were so much smaller than he was- barely even a few years older than he is, if even that.

So polite, introducing yourself and gently shaking his reluctant hand, making a point to smile at him and telling him how happy were to finally meet him and that you’d heard so much about him. Your hands were so soft, so little in comparison to his own. He dwarfs his pathetic father, practically towers over you, yet you still talk to him like you’re the adult in the equation.

So young, so pretty, though. Far better than anything his father had a right to pull. They weren’t exactly swimming in cash, the house was nothing in particular to gloat about, and he’d done enough eavesdropping around late at night to know his father suffered a particular… ailment, so it certainly wasn’t sexual satisfaction keeping you around. What was it then?

Probably nothing. You’d probably run off in a few weeks like they all do.

Kotaro is a worthless sack of drooping skin and aging bones; A ghost of a man not worthy of the phantoms he’s seen pass in his years. No longer the dominant male even in his own home: not with a stronger, more virile son coming into his prime under the roof as well. A beta male at best, withering away while his own son eclipses him in strength and intellect and physique. Tomura is in his mid twenties and blooming- His father… who even knows. He doesn’t care- he doesn’t bother to keep track.

So, maybe you really are just a dumb little whore. It would make sense. Father dearest always had been a dirty old man; A raging pervert with wandering hands and lingering eyes. Always sets his predatory sights on some cute thing too good for him.

Then again, the poisoned apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, now does it?

You’re cute enough you could have gotten some alpha at your beck and call, yet you’ve attached yourself to his worthless father who, in turn, parades you around like his most beloved trophy. Taking you to dinners he can’t afford despite your ‘insistence’ that you be allowed to pay, buying you things you claim you don’t need. Oh, how the moron dotes on his whores as if it’s enough to keep them anchored to him.

Strangely though, you don’t run off.

If anything, you sink your claws in even further, getting more and more comfortable and showing up more and more. Every time Tomura leaves his fucking room- which isn’t often- you’re there around the corner, smiling dumb and pretty and greeting him politely.

Fuck, he hates you. Hates your stupid voice, your shitty dresses, hates hearing his father happy for once.

It’s no surprise- but unwelcome no less- that he’d move you in sooner rather than later. Terrified to let you out of his sight for even a second lest you come to what little senses you have in your tiny brain and dump him. Of course, he’s quick to take on all of your burdens as his own, even if it means working overtime to support you. He’s always wanted another little housewife, and now he’s so close.

Tomura listens in on the whole conversation feeling sick to his gut.

You beg him not to- offering to pay your own way just like a good girl, but of course his dumbass dad will hear none of it. He’s more than happy to spend a couple of extra hours at work. His dad is so idiotic, so fucking blind. He’s playing right into it. He’s willing to be your workhorse if it means keeping you all to himself.

He’ll hear none of it. None of the fussing or the questions. You’re welcome in his home, he wants you there. It’s no imposition at all, he knows the house will be better with you around.

Except he forgets one crucial detail-

The son he leaves home alone with you every single day when he leaves.

You’re nothing but a nuisance, something infringing on his private space. The time he used to get home alone to spend to his own devices is now split with you flittering around the house doing whatever it is bimbos like you do. Cleaning, cooking, pretending to read, whatever. He doesn’t have to see you if he doesn’t want, sure, but he still knows you’re there and that’s more than enough to annoy him.

It’s almost like you catch on to his animosity after a while. The way he won’t greet you back, the way he utterly ignores your existence. It bugs you, and as far as he’s concerned, good.

You try to slip him up, try to get close to him and make him like you. You always set a place for him at the table even after Kotaro repeatedly insists- truthfully- that he’ll never join for dinner. Even then, you always bring the plate to his door. He never bothers to answer- not after the first few times when he only opened it a sliver to see your stupid smiling face. After that, he didn’t bother answering. He’ll eat it of course- won’t pass up free food he doesn’t have to leave his room for- and then leave the dirty dish back outside where you left it. You brought it, after all. You can clean it up.

All your efforts only get you mocked, and boy do you try so hard to get his affection. He even overhears you whining to his dad once or twice, not understanding why he doesn’t like you.

It makes him smile.

His friends- online of course, but still friends or comrades or kindred spirits or whatever- have more opportunistic ideas about it. His first post to the forum complaining about the new living situation was met with envy and awe- not necessarily the response he was expecting, though looking back on it, he supposes they were right.

lmpwrst: Why u bitchin’? Ur living with a girl ur not related to and that’s closer than any of us have gotten u ungrateful ass

KingKockRool: Go jerk off on her pillow.

Stacystabber91: take a video hold her down and fuck her then idiot

KingKockRool: No wait till she’s sleeping and jerk it on her face

st8lker: Bet she’s ugly tho if she’s dating your dad lol

Oddly enough, he doesn’t agree. That’s one thing he understands about you, loathe as he is to admit it. His new ‘stepmom’, for all her annoyances, is pretty easy on the eyes. The kinda girl that would have caught his eye in an unrelated situation and earned a permanent spot in his spank bank. Thinking about it, the whole ‘dating his dad’ situation maybe threw off his judgement more than he realized.

He’ll let the jury decide: He finds a photo on your social media, crops everyone else out of it, and hits enter. Easy peasy. He saves it to his hard drive for later too. Might as well.

‘Here, you decide then.’

Thus the shitstorm begins.

st8lker: Oh fuckkk fuck me mommy lmao

lmpwrst: Opportunity is wasted on u

Stacystabber91: you pussy punk bitch, i stand by what I said earlier. dont be a bitch and fuck the little cunt already

VolceliSwear: Whos the bitch

lmpwrst: Scratchy’s new stepmommy lol

VolceliSwear: Nice. Hit it yet?

Stacystabber91: he hasn’t cause he’s a gigantic fuckin pussy like i told you all

VolceliSwear: Come on dude you actually have that gash sleeping in your house and you haven’t made a move?

Stacystabber91: it’s not like she could say no cause you’re a big lanky bastard aren’t you? that’s one thing we got over the shortcels and you’re bigger and stronger than her so take what’s yours idiot or I will

lmpwrst: I agree with SS lol U complain all the time about not having a hole to fuck and now u do

VolceliSwear: ^^ Isn’t your dad a limp-dicked prick who can’t get it up? Someone’s gotta do it so it might as well be you. Hit the bitch so hard and fast she doesn’t know what way is up

Stacystabber91: and send pics moron I want to see tits or I’m coming over there to do it myself

It’s an… intriguing thought. To be honest, he’s never actually considered fucking you before. Had the passive thought like he does with most girls he sees, but never stopped to think on actually doing it. For some reason, there was a mental wall between him and his father’s girlfriends. But why should there be?

Depraved little bastard that he is, he’s not above cornering a girl and forcing himself on her but he’s not keen on going to jail, so he’s never escalated past creepy photos and following the occasional broad a little too closely. Maybe a couple gropes in passing… okay, maybe a lot. But he’s never gotten caught- maybe the girls don’t report it or just couldn’t find him afterward. Either way, it’s all worked out so far because he doesn’t cross certain boundaries.

Most girls are repulsed by him and his repugnant behavior, so they stay far, far away. It’s like he’s a giant blaring warning sign that they tend to heed instinctively.

But you don’t.

This is different. You live here, so close to him, so within reach. Just how close you are. How easy it would be for him to force you down and make you take it. Just how much time alone he really has with you since his father leaves and returns like clockwork. He’s got the entire day once his father leaves for work. And all night once he takes his sleeping medication. An easy, pretty little catch already wiggling in his web.

‘Maybe I will.’

That’s how it starts.

Snowball into snowstorm.

With an idea and a lot of goading from his online buddies, a monster is born and weaned on his own depravity and escalates into something very real, and very dangerous.

Tomura is achingly familiar with the scene- he’s seen enough porn to give him ample ideas. But he’s got all the time in the world. It’s hard not to rush things considering how eager he is, but it’s safer to test the waters first. Get you nice and scared so you’ll keep your pretty mouth shut unless he tells you to open it for him. See how far he can get, how much he can toy with you before you finally catch on.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll fuck him willingly. You are a stupid little slut, after all. Most of you females are deep down beneath that holier-than-thou, stuck up bitchiness you hide behind.

So he starts with a time honored tradition. He steals your panties.

The bathroom is cluttered with your shit. Your fruity shampoos and conditioners, your makeup, your perfumes. Tomura has a toothbrush and a comb he doesn’t use, a bottle of 3-1 for when he forces himself into a shower, and a singular gray towel, but the rest is between you and his father. Your body washes, your scrubs, your clothes in the hamper.

It’s easy enough to fish out a fresh pair- only a couple of hours old. Some lacy contraption you must’ve been wearing beneath your clothes and carelessly left in the bin when you showered. It’s easy to pocket them before you hear him rummaging around, and maybe you’ll miss them, but that’s not his problem. Washer eats things all the time, doesn’t it?

He’s hidden back in his room, safely dodging you before he allows himself to indulge- Bringing them to his nose and inhaling the doubled fabric of the crotch so hard that it catches on the edge of his nostrils.

Fuck, your cunt smell good- tangy and sweet but the tiniest hint of bitter. A couple of whiffs is enough to get his cock twitching, inflating into a painful hardness as he hears you walking around outside in the hallway. Shit, you’re so fuckin’ airheaded, walking around so oblivious as he tongues at the cloth that was nestled right up against your pussy until a few hours ago. He can taste you, sucking your left over essence through his teeth and he swears he’s going to cream all over the inside of his jeans if he doesn’t jerk off right now.

He’s quick to drop his sweats and sprawl on his bed, thumbing the tip of his prick and licking gratuitous stripes up the slim of your discarded panties with his tongue. You’d look so good sucking his cock; On your bruised knees, face a slathered mess of cum and saliva and running makeup. Bulge in your throat from taking him so deep and trying so hard to please him like you always do- or maybe avoid a painful punishment because he isn’t above using his hands on you and you learned that the hard way.

The thought of your ruddy, soppy face makes him throb- fucking your wet little throat until you’re suffocating, pulling out to let you breathe only to cum on your face. Yanking you up to bend you over the stove and force you to make his worthless father’s dinner with his spend tacking across your face and his cock lodged deep in your cunt. Worthless fucking sack of shit that his father is, he’d spit in it too and make you serve it to him with a smile while your actual daddy watches you do it and rewards you later with his dick fucking you between your tits.

Fuck yes, that’s what he’ll make you do. He’ll make you call him daddy when he creampies you- the opportunity is too perfect to pass. He’ll fuck his father’s pretty whore as she screams and moans for daddy’s cock while his father is away at work to pay all her frivolous bills like the beta-cuck he is. None of the work and all of the reward- as it should be.

It’s not like Kotaro can fuck you, and his friends are right. Someone should. So why not him? Why not spread your legs for your boyfriend’s younger, more powerful son? Oh, sorry, did he give you the illusion that you had a choice? He’ll take what is rightfully his and there’s not a fucking thing you or his pathetic fucking father can ever do about it.

He plucks your panties from his face, moving them instead to work over his cock. It would feel so much better if you were wearing them- grinding your sweet little cunt against his dick, begging him not to fuck you but getting so wet all the same. The silky fabric feels so good against his hypersensitive skin, coupled with the clenched pumping of his fist as he daydreams about railing you into his filthy mattress until you’re too weak to even move on your own, his cum dripping from every one of your used holes. Limp, useless little whore too fucked out to even fight him as he fucks her in the ass again-

Fantasies swirl in his head, flashes of scenarios that tease him and work him into a frenzy. He’s going to cum hard to the thought filling you, your agonized face as the tip of him knocks against the opening of your womb, buried so deep in your cute pussy that he can feel the wall that keeps him firmly locked out of your guts. So close, so tight, so warm. He’s going to pump you full to the brim like the skank you are, fill you nice and thick full of his seed and then use you again and again and again-

He feels it in his spine, waves of pleasure furling at the base and congealing together impossibly tight, so ready to burst. His thighs flex, muscles in his stomach tightening and breath staggering. Searing white behind dry, clenched eyes and his cock twitches in his palm, knot bursting deep between his legs as his hand stills momentarily. His hands twitch, cock throbbing as thick ropes of cum spill over the slats of his fingers, splattering his stomach and the waist of his sweatpants and all over your adorable little panties.

“Shit-”

Shallow, shaky breaths, still seeing stars popping behind his eyelids. Fuck, he hasn’t cum that hard in- well, a very long time. Is it the thought of having something tangible soon? His very own cunt to abuse? Grinning, he looks down at the absolutely drenched pair in his hand, sticky with fresh seed.

He thinks so.

Instinctively, he wipes the excess off his fingers and onto his dirty, rumpled black sheets, swiping across his shirt and his skin. Just another ‘mystery spot’ among the rest, soon to become a crusty, flaked white stain on the fabric among all the preexisting ones.

With some effort on his part, he sits up, still trying to catch his breath. He thought post orgasm clarity might deter him from this path, but if anything, he’s even more determined now. Why should he sit and touch himself in a dark room when there’s a perfectly good set of holes to fuck wandering around freely outside?

Oh yeah, this should work out just fine.

There’s a knock on the door while he’s still wading through his gross thoughts, softly at first but then slightly more insistent. It jolts him alert, irritating him that he’s being bothered when he’s scheming. He’s already finished the dirty dead, all ready to put himself away for now but it’s still jarring none the less when someone comes around so closely to him wanking. A quick dash at the clock tells him it’s not dinner time yet, so what gives? Why are you bothering him now? Nothing is ready yet.

He tucks himself away and quickly buries your soiled underwear in the pocket of his sweats. Quickly wiping any remnants on the knees of his pants before swinging his door open, agitation palpable as he greets your stupid, sunny face.

Speak of the she-devil.

“Hi, Tomura! Just wondering if you have any laundry or anything you want me to take!” “N-” He’s about to slam the door. About to. But you know what? You want his laundry? Sure. He’s got some for you. “Yeah- yeah, sure.”

He steps back from behind the door, letting it creak open a little as he rips off his freshly re-soiled sheets.

“Oh, good! Yeah, I’m throwing in my own so I’ll take your load too-“

Yeah you will.

Balling it up, he chucks it at you as you curiously peek your head in. You’ve never seen the inside of his room, but soon you’ll see plenty. He doesn’t know if you can feel the fresh cum on the sheets, but he’s willing to bet you can probably smell it. To your credit, you barely falter, even with the sheet cradled in your bare arms.

You’re probably having a moment of “understanding.” ‘He’s a young man with no girlfriend and no other outlet. Of course he’s going to wack off’ and all that. It’s cute, the way you pretend not to notice. That’s okay, he’ll give you something you can’t ignore.

He steps up to the door again, yanking his black shirt over his head and dropping it in your arms with a shit eating grin.

“Oh- okay, yeah-“

Your sentence halts completely as he starts to strip off his pants and you’re left staring in slight horror as your stepson strips down to his boxers in front of you before placing his sweats on the top of the pile you’re carrying- right by your face.

“I’ve got some more dirty boxers if you think you can handle anymore.” He’s grinning like a fiend, reveling in your poorly concealed discomfort as he leans against the doorframe, swinging out towards you. You’re backing away from him, desperately trying to keep your eyes up and away from his very exposed body, and especially the half hard cock tenting the front of his boxers. Your face is turning a viciously dark shade, stifling your breathing because he just knows what you’re refusing to see, you can almost certainly smell.

“Um- nope! This should be a full one! I’ll get them back to you soon!”

“Oh, take your time. No rush.”

You scurry off down the hall much quicker than your usual casual walk, probably to scrub your arms clean with iron wool. Poor little thing, just trying to be nice and this is what it gets you.

He cackles something fierce as he shuts his door again, going to look for your ruined panties to post a pic but remembering they’re still in the pocket of his sweatpants, covered in his cum and saliva. A fun little surprise for you to find when you go through pockets to ensure nothing gets stuck in the washer.

And he notices, in the coming days, you stop leaving your clothes in the hamper- or even being able to meet his eyes.

Oh, this should be fun.

#nsft #shigaraki smut #see warnings #no mommy kink i am sorry #lots of gross shit for you tho #which I assume you want cause you came to me of all people #see the warning list up top for full disclosure

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borat123 · 3 years ago

Text

NaruHina Analysis

Naruto Manga Part 1

Part 4

Naruto is about to have his fight with Neji. He frets over everything he’s heard of Neji, and his power. He is scared out of his mind of fighting someone so powerful that he could barely sleep that night. He’s unable to be his usual hot headed and confident self this time. Naruto is actually insecure. He hides behind a bravado because it masks his vulnerabilty.

We can see here how he tries to cheer himself up with his usual load confident-tough guy behaviour, but his fear of facing Neji and presumibly Gaara is too much for even that. His bravado is faltering and despair is taking over. He’s falling into an old self that he tries to desperatly ignore but his fear of the reality of going up against such fiercely powerful opponents.... its simply too much to keep it up even for him. His depression is coming back to him.

He goes to the training grounds, probably to try and relive some fond memories of when he first became a ninja. Almost like visting dear places before one dies... Anyways he sees Hinata standing there and his first instinct is to ask if she’s alright now (so he obviously remembers her fight). Hinata is startled of his sudden appearance and hides behind a training pole for comfort.

Naruto doesn’t wanna reveal why he’s here, since you know, hes depressed and scared over his upcoming fight and he doesn’t wanna show that. After his somewhat angry answer, Hinata looks sad and Naruto sighs because he realises he sounded mean and that wasn’t his intention. (But i feel like it was an exception for Hinata since she’s so calm and nice to him so he feels bad, if it was someone else he wouldn’t care or even open up more but continue his bravado). He asks her about Neji and if he’s powerful since she’s just fought him.

Look at Naruto’s face after she tells him Neji is strong, extremly bothered and worried. Naruto tries to hide his emotions and screams out really loadly as a cover up for his despair. He’s worried that someone will see his weakness, that he isn’t as confident and happy as he seems to be on the outside. He pretends in front of her that he isn’t afraid and worried.

Hinata confess that it was all thanks to him that she feels like she has changed. Naruto continues with his bravado to hide his fear, but he knows exactly what Hinata means about wanting to change. But in his current mood he’s unable to believe that she thinks that highly about him. This is very odd behaviour coming from the hot headed load confident Naruto.

Naruto always tries to hide when he’s hurt or worried. He doesn’t want people to feel pity for him so that’s why he always acts tough and have this bravado behaviour. But his true emotions come out and he opens up to her that he might seem strong to her, but that’s only because he acts tough and in reality he’s frustrated because he’s a failure. This is the first time we see Naruto acting like his trueself in front of someone. We see him vulnerable and natural, speaking freely about his concerns and insecurities. Not in front of Sasuke, Sakura or Kakashi, no, all this in front of Hinata of all people. Why? Well, in universe because she’s able to make him feel calm and after what happend in her previous fight he started seeing her as a kindred spirit with similar problems as him. He feels comfortable to reveal something so personal and that is defiantly not usual behaviour for Naruto (atleast not this early in the manga). He hasn’t even been his true self in front of Iruka yet and that says something about what he feels for Hinata.

But Hinata, immediatly, dismiss Naruto’s words, And makes her ”Proud Failure Speech”, her first motivational talk to Naruto. But Hinata doesn’t just tell him what he wants to hear, she calls him a ‘proud failure’ and even tells him he’s not perfect. So, to all that antis who says Hinata is meek with Naruto, this proves they’re wrong. She tells him exactly what she thinks of him but not to please him but to encourage him and not let him sink emotionally.

Hinata tells him that his true strength is his will to never give up and that she thinks he’s an incredibly strong person. This touches Naruto so much that hes speechless and mesmerised and even blushing. It’s a similiar reaction he had when Iruka acknowledged him.

We see here that the first time he felt warmth and love was when Iruka gave him his headband and acknowledged him. So what do you think he’s feeling during her Proud Failure Speech? It’s certaintly something ’warm’ atleast, i tell you that ;)

She motivated him so much that he no longer feels depressed and feels GREAT now and it’s all thanks to her speech. Her words not only brought him out of despair but also helps him for his upcoming fight against Neji but also Gaara and probably all the other enemies in the story too. Hinata just taught him something incredible about himself he didn’t even think of. Hinata made him realize just how strong he really is and that his true strength is how he never gives up, something he already thinks very strongly of. Imagine what that must feel like for him.

We have seen him motivated by memories of Iruka, Sasuke, Haku,… but never through a direct speach, face to face, this was also the reason he showed his true power in his fight against Gaara, the Proud Failure Speech and these memories was the real reason.

Naruto then has the honesty to tell her what he thought of her before but that he now really likes people like her. (Which is just a less awkward way of saying that he now adores her). He tells her she better come watch him kick Neji’s ass, since he will do it mainly for her. Dont forget that he also made that blood vow that he now has serious motivation to fulfill. Hinata is completly speechless, poor girl, she probably never expected someone to say that to her, the way she’s been treated by her clan, let alone by the person she admires the most.

Why would Kishimoto even bother to create this chapter? Because it’s not only foreshadowing of NaruHina, but also a character defining moment for Naruto. If it weren’t for her speech he would have most certaintly been killed by Neji. We saw how depressed he was. So that means Naruto dies In chapter 100, R.I.P Uzumaki Naruto. But also without truly knowing what his real motivation and strength was he wouldn’t be able to defeat strong opponents like Pain. It was his will to never give up that brought out his victory against Pain and that made him finally be acknowledged by the Village atlast. But without this speech he wouldn’t know it, he wouldn’t feel it as strongly compared to if someone that truly understood him told it to him.

Also about NH, this is the beginning of something. This settles the base of a future relationship. When you start a relationship with someone it is needed you like her/him as a person first, at least, all good relationships. And Naruto and Hinata have already achieved that. Also being able to open up to someone about your insecurities and worries, especially when you’re someone who tries their hardest to hide their true emotions like Naruto, and then being able to get out of despair by the other persons motivational words so easily (while looking like you’re about to melt), i mean this means something. It’s foreshadowing to Naruto and Hinata as eventual lovers.

Anyway that is all for this part, here are the previous parts

Next Part: Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

#naruhina #pro naruhina #hinata #naruto

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bisexualhobi · 4 years ago

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Now you might as well continue this bc im invested. What's your take on the others bond regarding hoseok? I dont really ship anyone, but I do feed off of their dynamic. I actually appreciate vhope a lot, their dynamic is friendly, compared to Namseok, and i love how their energies mingle. While Namseok has this familiar throbbing tension and adoration. Their action seemed slightly controlled around each other, and it's honestly like watching two teens dance around eachother.

OH WOW omg this is such a good question but it also opens the gates to me flooding your dash with 20 pages of analysis on each hobi relationship.... so i will try to keep it SHORT!!!!! let’s get it! i will talk about them not in order of which ones i like more or not, but in order of who i know the most about/feel more comfortable analyzing

HOBI/JIMIN:

this one is SO special because it can work either platonically or romantically. they are so tender, so attuned to each other’s needs.

i’ve actually thought abt them a lot because as much as people love to talk about vmin being soulmates (which they are!) jimin and hoseok are imo just as much soulmates. or kindred spirits if you will.

THEY’VE BEEN ROMMATES FOR SEVEN YEARS!!!!! who tf does that and doesn’t get tired of each other? soulmates that’s who

to me jihope is just,,, that comfort of having someone know you down the marrow.

they are dancers before they are idols. they are two people trying to find a sense of purpose in the world through dancing.

jimin is SO tactile and you can really see how he’s slowly but surely coaxed it out of hobi to be comfortable and actually seek that sort of affection. it’s beautiful.

to me jihope is seeing yourself reflected in another-- that sort of slow realization of “oh. it’s you. it’s always been you.”

they are both over critical of themselves but think the other one is perfect..... so it’s really an echo chamber of “you’re the best dancer” “no YOU’RE the best dancer” “NO YOU ARE!”

they can bicker like siblings but also talk about their deepest fears/thoughts in hushed tones under the blanket while they spoon on the same bed... it’s beautiful.

jimin is the best best friend for hoseok in my head. he IS that bff that gives hobi a friendship bracelet and will still own it 20 years from now. he’s the “i’m gonna be your children’s godfather” best friend. they are just unbearably soft.

HOBI/JUNGKOOK:

listen. l i s t e n ! the golden duo. the favorite maknae and the ace hyung. they are just... SO giggly with each other. so so funny.

jungkook is an introvert, so the way i see it he probably was someone that took his time before opening up, before having the confidence to just go up to one of his members and touch. especially at the beginning, when he was a wide eyed 16 year old. but with hoseok it’s just. IT’S NATURAL. it’s like seeing the waves lap up the shore, or two otters holding hands in the river.

i have a headcanon that jk is synesthetic or at least ND on some level because of how sensitive he is to smells (i am on the autism spectrum and i can tell you smells are a BIG thing for people like me,,,, not saying he’s in the spectrum but i love thinking of him as synesthetic).

so every time i see him bury his nose in the soft hairs of hobi’s nape i just. i melt into a puddle on the ground. THIS MAN CAN’T TAKE THE SMELL OF HOTEL ROOMS TO THE POINT HE HAS TO BRING CANDLES OR COMFORT ITEMS WITH HIM ON TOUR and he’s been caught several times in 4k sniffing hoseok like a puppy.

i will wrap it up now but i’m just gonna say... jungkook is hobi’s baby!! but he’s like that overgrown puppy who still thinks of himself as small when in reality he’s,,, a samoyed trying to fit himself on hobi’s lap.

in real life i truly see jungkook as having some of the strongest/deepest bonds both with namjoon and hobi.

for fic purposes, i see kookie as this boy who is SO protective of his hobi-hyung he will do anything for him, be it a friend, a lover, a confidant, etc.

hoseok really lets his guard down with him bc he’s the maknae. and seeing kookie grow from this shy boy to this big, confident man who is finally doing what HE wants for his own happiness instead of what people want from him.... it’s overwhelming for hobi.

they are the golden duo and they have my heart period!!

HOBI/TAEHYUNG:

oh wow this was my first ship in the bts fandom,,,, good times. i was like HOLD UP! who are they and why do they act like that around each other and most importantly.... WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THEM???

i firmly believe that if hobi was in the maknae line vhope would be AS popular as tkk IF NOT MORE!!!!

i think tae is the one who most openly will flirt or just go out of his way to make sure hoseok knows how much he admires him and it makes hobi SO flustered. he will literally smile like aww that’s nice :) and then run the other way. that’s why i LOVE how taehyung gives zero fucks.

it’s a lot like jungkook’s crush on namjoon. it’s just SO transparent and they both have ZERO chill so they end up making namseok feel awkward af because they’re like haha what the fuck...

i also have a small headcanon that tae is neurodivergent. idk why or which type of ND but he just strikes me as.... having some tics and even patterns of speech that remind me of my ND friends. and sometimes that comes off as having no filter/being awkward and you can see in the rest of the group how sometimes they literally have NO idea how to respond to something taehyung did.

but not hobi. he is always SO patient, so comforting, always makes sure to show tae is being heard.

i think they are just AMAZING for each other because their personalities are so complimentary. it’s also the sweetest thing when hobi does something like break out in dance or singing in the middle of an interview and tae WILL laugh and he WILL follow hoseok.

that’s called mirroring. vhope do it more than any other pairing in the group.

in fanfic terms,,,, they have SO much sexual tension you can cut it with a knife. they truly compliment each other amazingly well, and the sheer amount of sex appeal taehyung exudes is just *chef’s kiss* for flustered/innocent hobi tropes.

i will continute with yoongi and seokjin in a second part!! i’ll add it here as a reblog

#with a readmore because again.... THIS GOT OUT OF HAND #asks #jihope #hopekook #vhope #2seok #yoonseok #sope #namseok #hobi #analysis

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slasherwife · 4 years ago

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Hiii! I see the requests are open so if you write for Bo,can you make where the reader suffered from physical abuse from her parents in the past and have some scars? If you aren't confortable with this dont need to make! <3 Kisses from Brazil 🇧🇷💚

Awww the angst! Here u go uWu 🥺💕💕

“I trust you.”

Bo x reader

By jena marie

Summary:

Reader has many scars on her back, which reveals years of traumatic abuse from her only parents. How does Bo comfort her?

The poor girl. The girl who had broken white lines, scars, littered across her rib-engraved back, who when was given the scars-- laid silently with wet eyes as they beat her; again and again until she was blue. Thinking back to that small, broken house brought back the taste of blood and the emptiness in her chest. She didn’t speak a word for two years, until she found that short-tempered mechanic in the pit of nowhere, sweaty, messy, with an old cap that looked like it might fall apart. But in his eyes held a thousand suns, something so warm she seemed to melt-- and made her luminous once more 🥀

I never paid attention to the spectacles of wax specimens, moreless trapped humans, than I did to the way the breeze blew silently across the town and washed away my worries. Nor did I register the occasional muffled screams downstairs than I did when the sun warmed my face or when he walked up to me to take his hand in mine, and tell me that lunch was ready. I loved Ambrose. It was everything I was missing, those few years of mine drained me completely-- but Ambrose replenished me to the brim, and I loved it. I would never leave, ever.

And him— he was everything. I never thought in a hundred years that I would meet such a kindred spirit such as him. I was in shock. I remembered how he stood over me, my hands tied and mouth duck taped— he stood over me and said to his brother, “Not this one.”

He told of his job, what he did for a living, everything— every last honest detail. When I didn’t leave, I became his world too. Once we laid out under the stars— something I suggested as a date to which he rolled his eyes and reluctantly followed— I told of my past, something in return for his own honesty.

He spoke of how he hated my parents, how if it were up to him, he would hunt them down and tear them apart. And he didn’t say this as a gentlemen, he said this blind with rage— tearing through the house ripping up his hair with his mouth spilling blood from biting the inside of his cheek too hard. Vincent has to give him stitches. He wanted to find them, demanded of me to tell him where they are and faced utter disappointment when I told him that they were already dead. “Good riddance.” He spat. We didn’t speak of it ever again, because I never wanted to see him so angry that I was scared for my safety again.

To be honest, there was one thing that was missing, no matter how full I was from the gentle words I received, or the meal I made all by myself, or the warm bed with the warm body curled around me in bliss. I wasn’t truly exposed to the love, not entirely. I wasn’t even sure if I would ever be able to; but the dainty lines that decorated my back like torn white lace were always kept a secret from him, and it was the only way I could feel safe. I was so terrified he would finally see that I am a horribly flawed and broken-winged creature-- someone in no condition to love or accept love, but I still wanted to show him. I always did.

“Y/n.” His voice reverberated off of my neck, in the dark room, his arm thrown over me as usual in our bed. His voice was gruff, tired, but determined.

“Mhm?” I replied.

“Do you like it here?” His softness was forced, clearly not liking the topic of discussion but still wanted to be gentle-- considering my background.

I shifted a bit, turning more towards him.

“I love it here! Why?”

He loosened his grip, “I don’ know. You jus’ seem… Forget it.”

There was silence, and I endured it for several moments before I used the small amount of bravery I had, and sat up.

I couldn’t let him drop it. I saw it in his eyes, every time I pulled away when he got too frisky, his words of frustration when I slipped away to the back porch in solitude-- when his fingers slipped underneath the fabric of my back. I wish I could’ve stayed then.

“I know what you mean.” I uttered flatly, and I could see his eyes, grayed from the darkness, stared up at me anticipatingly. It was a heavy silence.

“It’s something I’ve been meaning to talk about.”

He didn’t respond, he only stared up, mind running blank on what to say.

“I’m sorry, I just— I’m not exactly proud of them, Bo—“

He sat up quickly, and turned to the side to twist the lamp on, and he turned back to me with eyes filled with a softness I’ve never seen before in my life. I could barely utter a word afterwards.

He took both of my wrists in his hand, and I became putty in his grip.

“Don’t.” His voice was like jagged rocks, and scary serious. I wanted to cry.

“I can’t.” My voice was slow, deep. I couldn’t understand myself.

“Don’ talk like that. I,”—he was trying to find the right words— “You know… how much you mean to me.” He seemed uncomfortable, but I knew and he knew that it needed to be said.

“You shouldn’t be self conscious, baby,— I know you ain’t proud— Hell, I ain’t proud of these,” he spoke softly, gently, like how an adult would encourage a young child. He revealed his own scars on his wrist, all while looking into my eyes which I started to lose myself in.

He saw how my expression was changing, and he was silent, moving his calloused hands to the sides of my face this time. I thought for the first time in the two years that we’ve been together, how much blood his hands were drowned in, and how yet I trust them completely— and seek safety in them with my entire being.

“If you think, I’ll be disgusted by anything about you, you’re wrong.” His voice started to break, he was in tears, and I was too.

I finally fell apart, the floodgates were open, drowning any more doubts in my mind, and I wrapped my arms around his neck— and buried my face in his shoulder.

I just felt so safe and sound— something that was so foreign for so many years that feeling this again was like walking for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me too, feigning the embarrassment— but he was silent as he choked down his emotions once more.

“Fuck, I hate you for makin’ me do this.” He said, his voice recovering.

“I love you.” I said softly as I positioned myself back into the blankets, his arm of eternal protection around me— closer than before, tighter too— and he curled himself around me.

“I love you too, baby.” He said gruffly and quietly, and turned off the light.

We didn’t speak another word that night, and yet I was a new person.

The shining girl, the lion girl. Badges of maturity and beauty marks raked across her skin in intricate designs— and she looked at them with a dancing smile. He traces his finger across them to tell her that he wants her no other way— and took her flower, more gentle than she would have expected. She became a lioness, and he was proud to carry a crown as gem-encrusted as hers 🌸

I hope u liked ittt🌷🌺🌷🌺

#slashers #slashers x reader #bo sinclair imagine #bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair #slasher imagines #house of wax #house of wax x reader #vincent sinclair #vincent sinclair x reader #ask #i made a thing #scarred!reader #abused!reader #hurt!reader #bo x reader

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knifefather · 4 years ago

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Hi. I dont really know how to start this. But can you write something about being some sort of kindred spirit with Bruno? Like going through similar stuff, having similar values, being in a leadership position. Trying to get away from a past life. Learning the truth about a dirty secret, and living with guilt. What would romance be like, being someone similar? If this s/o was feeling down, would Bruno even try to cheer them up? If life came crashing down, if the flashbacks came at the same time every year, even if everyone around seemed so desensitized, would he even attempt to help? Or would they both just be so fucked up? I'm sorry this was long and kind of self-indulgent. If possible, I would like to be 🦅 anon.

Yes of course! Welcome to the anon gang!

Being a kindred spirit with Bruno would be so incredibly intimate. Being his loved one is already intimate enough, but having that spiritual connection with him would be the most fulfilling thing in the world. To have him look in your eyes and know that he’s seen a life very similar to yours is the most comforting thing. You never feel more safe and understood than when your love is by your side. He would definitely try to help you, even if nobody else noticed you were struggling, because he knows what you’re going through and knows that you can’t do it alone. If Bruno could be there for you, he would in a heartbeat, because that’s what you would do, too.

It’s been years since it happened to you. It’s been years, and you still hold your head and squeeze your eyes shut at the barrage of memories. The environment around you is different, but the weather outside mirrors the forecast of harder days. The words said that you shouldn’t have heard ring in your ears over and over, like a disorder. The ones that you should have said are twice as loud.

You can’t afford to be weak like this--you have people who depend on you. It’s your job to be diligent, to be a pillar of strength for those who are weak. People look up to you, and you can’t bear the thought of letting them down. To disappoint them is to disappoint yourself. The cold, bony hands of depression seized you with a vice-like grip easily. Even despite the strength you display, the fire inside you is not enough to shake its grasp, your flames doused easily.

You drag in a shaky breath, tears threatening to spill from your eyes for the first time in a very long time. Suddenly, you feel a soft hand on your shoulder, and you nearly jump out of your skin. You whip your head behind you to see Bruno standing there, his eyes sparkling with concern as he gazes at you. No words have to be said. He takes in your form near the window, gazing morosely at the landscape on the other side. Your eyes are still glistening from your unguarded moment.

Shame hits you hard and heavy. Out of everyone, you care about what Bruno thinks of you the most. Yet, he is the one who judges you the least. In its essence, it’s not the lack of judgment: he’s already passed judgment on you from the moment he met you, and from then, he knew that you had a good heart. In those emotional moments where you told him the bits and pieces of your past, he knew then that you both were one and the same. He fell in love with you quickly and even if he has to remind you over and over that you’re worth loving, he would do it until the end of time. There are many times when you’ve had to do the same for him.

Bruno looks at you, his hand comforting on your shoulder. When his eyes are on you, you feel actually seen. He doesn’t look through you, but at your soul.

“It gets easier as the years go by.” His eyes flicker from your face to outside. “Give it time... You’ll change, just like the weather outside.”

“Even if it changes, it always returns to the same conditions,” you retort, your brows furrowing. Don’t cry. Do not cry. Not in front of him. You will yourself to restrain your emotions.

“You never feel the same thing twice.” You cock your head, confused, and he elaborates.

“F. Scott Fitzgerald said, ‘There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.’ It’s applicable to many other parts of our lives, too.” With how earnestly he is beaming at you, you almost feel embarrassed. You feel a blush bloom on your cheeks, and he gives one of his small, rare smiles at your expression.

“The pain you felt in the past won’t be as strong in the present. That pain changes. It brings on different challenges, but also new ways to deal with those challenges,” he says, his voice gentle and almost matter-of-fact. You know that those words come from his heart--like you, Bruno has been through the wringer.

“Why do people leave?” you ask, more so to yourself rather than to him. Your voice cracks as you speak, and you try in vain to swallow the lump of emotion gathered in your throat. “Why do things have to fall apart? And why are people like you and me caught in the middle? Why doesn’t anyone else understand?” you ask with an increasingly upset tone, a single tear streaking down your face. You are looking back out the window now, your brain plagued by all of the hardship that you tried so hard to hold back.

Bruno is quick to brush that tear from your cheek. His own face is pained, but behind it, a glimmer of hope that he wants to impart onto you. He grabs your chin softly and made you face him. Your heart flutters at the gesture.

“No one will ever know. But what we do know is that there are people like you and I that stay.” You bite your lip, trying to shove down the emotion that threatens to tumble out of you. “We put things back together. We right wrongs because we’ve seen calamity. Taking care of others just ensures that we’re doing our best to make sure that nobody feels as horrible as we have,” Bruno tells you, reaching down to grab both of your hands in his.

“We’ve seldom seen calm, so we make our own.”

You shiver. Bruno’s words turn over and over in your mind, reminding you of every horrible thing that had lead you to that point. Against your will, you begin to cry. You try to hide it at first, looking away from him and withdrawing your hands. It isn’t hard for him to see, and he coos to you softly in Italian before drawing you into his arms. Your body trembles from the sobs, and he lovingly strokes down your shoulders to sooth you.

You lose track of how long you spend in Bruno’s arms, him cradling your head and letting you vent your emotions. He sees so much of his younger self in you, felt the same feelings as you and thought your thoughts. In the moment, you feel strange, like your body is melding into his. You feel like apart of something bigger than yourself and truly understood. For so long you felt like you were screaming and nobody could hear you. You’ve been heard, at long last.

Carefully, Bruno helps you to your feet and wraps an arm around you. Before you walk away with him, you gaze out the window once again. The scene is still the same as before, very little changing in the past few minutes. Though, something is different this time. The disquiet inside you was hushed, and you felt and all-encompassing warm feeling as you look away from the window and at Bruno’s inviting tan face, his warm hand gripping yours.

Calm.

#this was such an amazing ask #i love this concept so much #i hope that i did this justice #i could tell you've been through some pain in your life so i hope that i made this relatable #bruno bucciarati #bruno confession #jjba #sfw #knife asks #tw loss #tw depression #🦅 anon #knife requests

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skenpiel · 4 years ago

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Wait yes hello I would love to hear about your interpretation of that lemon demon song?? I have never heard that song before but pretty much all I ever listen to is love songs they’re my fave kind of music ever so like please I’d love to hear about your fave one ESPECIALLY if whether or not it is a love song is a question :0

oh i am SO FUCKING GLAD you asked this song means a TON to me so get ready for a fucking paragraph

*ahem*

the real like, storyline of the song ancient aliens is a caveman meeting an alien who shows it fire, and the caveman is so revolted by this new strange unexplainable creature that it develops some sort of hatred almost. i dont really think its a secret that the songs in spirit phone are connected at least in some way, thats why i believe many of the songs (the ones ill talk about are eighth wonder, ancient aliens, touch tone telephone, and no eyed girl) are also sung from the perspective of the same person. in this sorta timeline ive managed to piece together, the first song is eighth wonder. the meaning of the lyrics in that song really arent that hard to figure out, its from the perspective of someone (ill call them the mongoose!) whos been an outcast for all their life, being bullied and excluded and whatnot, and their way to deal with that is by boasting in order to feel superior instead of left out. they sing the entire song with the attitude of “im a genius and none of you are even close to understanding me, im practically a different CREATURE than you guys” which is a HELLA common way for (especially children) who feel alienated from society. so, that song is about someone showing great confidence to hide great loneliness, great.

now, we get to the meat of the matter, so to speak, which is the mongoose falling in love, (even though it isnt really love at first) and that takes place in ancient aliens. this being who has never felt any sort of connection to anyone, always under the impression that their entire EXISTANCE is on a pedestal much higher than everyone else, ALWAYS looking down on everyone but them, finally meets someone they admire and look up to instead. and the mongoose absolutely fucking hates it. these feelings of admiring someone or liking someone are completely new to them, and since they dont know what those feelings are their only logical conclusion is that this is a whole new level of loathing. theres a lot of lines that stick out to me in this song, i think the first one being “these creatures ive seen / some of them edible, some of them mean”, and to me thats in reference to other people in this persons life. theres never been any NICE ones, theyre either harmful or defenseless. then obviously theres the chorus which i also believe is a metaphor for this person feeling all alone for like, their entire goddamn life and the line “but you, you fly, you burn my eyes / you speak in my mind, you seem surprised that i dont hear you” means that this is also probably the FIRST person EVER to just like. be nice to the mongoose. but then comes what i think is the most interesting line in the song, and that is “i cant help you / youre not human / youre not animal” and THAT i think is the mongoose, after a ton of consideration and trying to understand these new feelings for someone, coming to the conclusion that “theres no saving you, youre beyond help and there is something wrong with you” (or something along those lines). so, in conclusion, ancient aliens is about someone experiencing positive feelings for the first time in their life and are so confused their only way to deal with it is to decide that that person sucks ass and they dont want anything to do with them.

NEXT (and these will be shorter, i promise) is touch tone telephone (i think). thats the mongoose coming to terms that this other person is instead THEIR only hope at feeling connected to someone, even though it definitely isnt a love song. this is the mongoose trying to get through to the alien (thats what ill call them), and trying to explain that theyre just as brilliant and unique as them, and that they *need* to stick together (see the line “im an expert just like you, and like you im a genius before my time). again i wanna make it very clear that touch tone telephone is NOT a love song, but the mongoose has come far enough to realize that if THEYVE lived their whole life on this pedestal above every other person alive, then the alien is the only other person who shares that platform with them, even though they dont seem to agree.

lastly in this little timeline ive made up (theres probably more songs that fit into this, but whatever) is no eyed girl, and that DEFINITELY is a love song. the mongoose has realized theyre in love, they feel the alien is even MORE amazing than they are, and this feeling is later reciprocated! how nice! this song is their final step in realizing that perhaps they arent so alone after all (according to my short song story at least). there arent many lyrics that stick out to me in this one since the whole song is basically “youre beyond human comprehension thats how incredible you are” except for the very last lines which are “right before the kiss i noticed something in the air / molecules existing when there should have been none there / chemical reaction with the surface of your skin / some will say my actions let the no eyed people in / and id do it all again”. i dunno what half of those sentences even fucking mean but what i think is that, when the mongoose says theyve let the ‘no eyed people’ in, that means that through this alien theyve opened the door to a new world to them, where there arent just two kindred spirits who are above everyone else, but that there actually are people who will understand them, and that the world maybe isnt as dark and cold as they thought.

so! thats my lemon demon journey thanks for reading dont forget to like and subscribe

#long post #hflgiluhgirhsjfk sorry this is REALLY long #but uh. my interpretation of ancient aliens was 100% clear instantly when i heard it.#just like eighth wonder cause thats how i spent like all of my childhood #not really having any friends and feeling terrible i was always overly confident and stuff #also there might be weird funky sentences in this im not proofreading it lol #thank you so much for letting me talk about this poppy!!!#rebloppy

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 5 years ago

Text

Kindred Spirit (Taehyung X You) (ONESHOT)

A/N: The full version of the Taehyung fanfic, but I changed it a little from the preview I posted. Hope its okay 😘 also, im not sure whats an "er of their marriage" means exactly? But i take it their life after marriage? Ill make an epilogue of that soon! 😘

"Ive been an idol for years Y/N and you have never once come to see me perform? Dont you know people would die for all the free passes and tickets I left for you?!" Her bestfriend grumbles, hands crossed over his chest, his pout over an inch long.

Y/N laughs.

"Thats why I said you should give it to someone else thats actually have time to go watch you,"

"But you are my best friend. BESTFRIEND Y/N. How is is possible you never once saw me perform? And you dont even know any of my bandmates? How is that possible??" Yoongi keeps on grumbling in disbelief.

"Well.. Min Yoongi. I can give you an answer. Because I'm busy with real life okay. You know my appa wants me to take over soon. You know I dont do it on purpose right?" Y/N pouts, hoping if shes cute enough, or looks guilty enough Yoongi would actually forgive her.

"Nope. Your puppy face wont cut it this time,"

Damn.

"You are coming. And if I dont see you cheering your ass off tomorrow night, front row, our friendship is over. Over I say!"

And thats is why Y/N is running and pushing through the excited crowd of boys and girls in the stadium, trying to find her section. She made it! She almost didnt, but almost didnt matter. Shes here now. All dressed in her work clothes, with what is supposed to be called an Army Bomb in her hand, something that her secretary shoved in her bag earlier, saying its a must have for an Army. She dont even know what an Army is!

As the show starts, Y/N jumps to the music, smiling proudly everytime Yoongi make an appearance. She has heard him rapped before, but she never seen him this charismatic. Its as if the man on stage is not even the dorky Yoongi she has known for years. And his band members... wow. All so talented, all so good looking.

As the concert ended, Y/N makes her way backstage, flashing the pass Yoongi gave her and make her way through series of dressing room, trying to find the one where the boys are in.

"Must be this one," she followed the door that has the most sound and lights to find the boys chatting, congratulating each other. "Uh, Yoongi?" Y/N calls out softly, feeling awkward. Is she even supposed to be here?

"Oh you are here. God, cant believe you actually made it!" Yoongi rushed over and gave her a tight hug. "Wait, I'll introduce you to the others, but I need to change my pants first. Wait here, dont move!" Before she could say anything, Yoongi has already ran off.

"Uh.. okay. Ill stay here I guess," she moved herself timidly to a corner and stands awkwardly, hoping no one would notice her. But wishes dont always come true.

"Hey, uh..." a guy, a very handsome guy, who Y/N recognizes as one of Yoongi's band members, but cant be sure who, approached her.

"Uh.. yes? A-am I not supposed to be here? Im sorry. Im just waiting for Y-"

"Oh, no. I just want to ask you. Wheres the bathroom?"

"Huh?" Y/N looks at the guy curiously. Is he for real? He had a three day back to back concert here and today is the third day. And he doesnt know where the bathroom is? And he is asking... her? Y/N laughs before answering. So weird.

"Uh.. I-"

Smack.

"You know very well where the bathroom is you idiot. What are you talking about?" Yoongi who just came back smacked the guy's head.

"Ouchhh, hyunggg," he pouted, rubbing his head.

"Serves you right. Thats the worse and most cringy pick up line ever!"

"Hyunggggg, shut upppp," the guy eyed Y/N shyly and glares at his hyung and turn his attention back on her. "S-sorry. I just wanted to talk to you but I dont want to scare you off," he grins sheepishly.

"Oh, its okay. Im not a stalker. I'm here because Yoongs invited me. I'm Y/N," she hands out her hand for a handshake. "And no, I dont know where the bathroom is," she giggles.

Yoongi rolls his eye and smacks his forehead at the lame attempt of flirting the younger man is doing.

"Hi Y/N. I'm Taehyung," he grips her hand and shakes it. "Kim Taehyung. And I'm the guy you will be having coffee with tonight," he grins.

/////

"Okay, so do you have a boyfriend?"

"No appa, I dont," Y/N sighs, frustrated.

"Then uh.... do you not like men? I mean, Im okay with that sweetheart, as long as you are happy..."

Y/N smile a little. Her appa is the most adorable man ever existed.

"Appa, no!" She giggles.

"Okay, okay. Im just asking. You know I will support you always princess," her appa smile and she can see a small sigh of relieve. "Then what is it sweetheart? Why are you so against this marriage with Hyun Dae?"

"Well, for one, I think arranged marriage is so old school appa," she pouts. "We are not living in the 60s or 20s or whatever year you and eomma are from,"

"How old do you think we are? The 20s?!" Her appa laughs. "Arranged marriage is not so bad you know,"

"Its not bad at all. I actually found the love of my life," her eomma gets up from the couch and link arms with her husband. "Although he is quite annoying at first," she laughs. Y/N's appa leans and kiss the top of her mothers head.

"Its the best decision ever," he smiles.

Y/N roll her eyes. It is well known between their family, friends and community that her parents are as in love as ever. They were from two wealthy family, arranged to be married, and lucky for them, they were each other soulmates.

"Appa, eomma, just because you two are lucky doesnt mean everyone is,"

"But sweetheart, Hyun Dae is everything a man can be. Hes very kind, smart, hes taking over his appa's business, he loves animals, arts, kids. Everything that you like. And plus, you two are quite close too. Why are you so against it?"

Y/N sighs.

"I dont know. Maybe a little part of me wants that traditional love story you know? To fall madly in love with someone and then get married?" She sighs and lays her head on her elbow. Her parents look at each other before her eomma approached her slowly, stroking her hair slowly.

"Sweetheart... are you in love with someone?"

"Well..." Y/N scratched her neck, avoiding their intrusive eyes. Her lips immediately curl into a small smile as an image immediately pops inside her head. Boxy smile, deep voice, always happy, positive outlook on everything. The one guy who made her deeply fall in love.

"Oh my dear, who is it? Why didnt you tell us?" Her eomma smile widely, clapping her hand in excitement.

"Well.. its uh.. because I dont know if he feels the same way..."

"Have you told him yet? Whoever this lucky person is?" Her appa take a step closer to her, smiling. His princess' happiness is everything to him.

"N-no. Not yet. I dont know. Should I?"

"You should sweetheart. Or how else would he know? And he most definitely feels the same way,"

"Do you think so appa?"

"I know so," he smiles. "Who in the world wouldnt fall in love with you sweetheart?"

Y/N smiles. Her parents are the best.

"Then I'll tell him. I'll tell him tomorrow,"

/////

"I like you Taehyung,"

A few moments past without either one saying anything. The air that pricks her skins feels colder. But nothing is colder that Taehyung's stare that is emotionless in front of her right now.

"Uh.. what? I heard you wrong I think," he laughs awkwardly.

"I... like you Taehyung,"

"Well, I like you too. Of course. You are one of my closest friends," Taehyung smiles. Y/N feels her heart suffocating but still puts on a brave face. Maybe he dont understand what she meant. Taehyung can be oblivious sometimes.

"I like you Taehyung," Y/N says it much clearer this time. "I.. love you. I love you Kim Taehyung. Like for real,"

"Listen..," he sighs after a few moment of silence. "I'm really flattered that you uh.. have feelings for me. And I know we have developed some degree of friendship, but... you thats what you are... just a friend," he looks at her with his deep gaze. "Yoongi's hyung friend to be exact,"

"Yoongi's friend?" Y/N looks at him, eyes filled with confusion. "After all this time. Is that all I am to you Tae? Your hyung's friend?"

"You know what I mean Y/N. You know how we met-"

"Yeah, I know how we met Tae.. but I though after all these time and moments we had..."

"That I would think of you as more? That I would fall in love with you?" Taehyung sighs. "I'm sorry if you felt like I lead you on. Thats just me. I'm just friendly. Im this way with everyone. But come on Y/N. Look at the facts. How can I be with you? I'm a worldstar, and you are well... you,"

Y/N felt like Taehyung just stabbed hee heart a million times. What does he mean that shes just.. her? Whats so wrong about being her?

"I enjoy our friendship, our interaction Y/N, but no more than that. And I am sorry to say that I am in a relationship. We havent gone public yet, but we are planning to, by this week,"

"I-in a relationship? With who Tae? A-and you didnt even bother to tell me? After all the time we spent together?" Y/N feels like screaming, but she knows she has no right to do so. All she can do is hold in her tears that can easily burst at any time.

"I think you know her," he smiles. Oblivious to the pain that Y/N is feeling. "Oraia. The new idol,"

"Oraia?" Oh Y/N knows the girl perfectly well. Pretty, fashionable, great at singing, dancing. Any guy would kill to have her. Including Taehyung it seems.

"I-I have to know Tae. W-why her? H-how?" Y/N managed to choked out her question.

"Oraia is the perfect girl for me," Taehyung smile at the thoughts of her, proving how in love he is, making Y/N's heart breaks even more. "An idol, beautiful, talented, shes basically the female version of me. So I'm sorry, but you..." Taehyung stops, trying to find the right word to describe what hes saying. "You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"

"You are not a worldstar when I met you. You are not that like this when I met you," Y/N said softly, holding in tears. "We are not that much different from each other Tae,"

Taehyung gave a sad smile, no, a pity smile, before standing up, ready to leave.

"You can think whatever you want Y/N. But if you ever think we can be together..." he sighs and looks at her and gave her another pity smile. "If only things were different. In another world, maybe we would have been together.Goodbye Y/N,"

/////

Y/N closes her eyes, tears rolling down both her cheeks, already mixed together with the pouring rain as she walks home. Maybe the rain will wash away her feelings for Taehyung. Her stupid feelings for Taehyung. Different world? Taehyung's world is what she wanted to avoid her whole life. Glitz, glamour, fame, riches... Y/N cries out as loud as her heart wanted, thankful no one can hear her in the heavy rain. Shes just not enough for him. Thats the real reason. And she will never be for Kim Taehyung.

Days passed and Y/N has been locked up in her room ever since that disasterous day. Her parents have given up trying to find out what happen and finally left her alone.

And this week is finally the week Y/N dread the most. All the entertainment news, magazines, gossip websites are buzzing with the announcement that has just been made all week.

Y/N looks at the glossy pictures of the scattered tabloids in front of her again. The intimate pictures getting blurry as her eyes gets wetter. Taehyung's voice replayed in her brain like a broken record.

"An idol, beautiful, talented, shes basically the female version of me. So I'm sorry, but you..." Taehyung stops, trying to find the right word to describe what hes saying. "You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"

With a deep breath, she crumples the pages that reflects the beautiful relationship that is Taehyung and Oraia, wipe her eyes and walked downstairs to where her parents are drinking tea, enjoying their evening in their luxurious lounge.

"Oh Y/N. You are finally out. How are you feeling honey? Want to join us sweetheart?" Her mother looked up from the magazine shes reading and smile, her father the same, offering her a seat besides them.

"N-no. Thanks though. And I feel better," she gave a small smile. "Eomma, appa, I have something to tell you guys," she said, heart beating fast.

"What is it honey?"

"Appa, eomma, I have thought it through. I agree to your proposal. I agree with the arranged marriage to Hyun Dae,"

Her parents looks at each other, surprised.

"Sweetheart, are you sure? You dont have to rush into this. You should take your time and think i-"

"No appa. I am sure this time," she gave a smile, hoping it would convince them. "I want to marry Hyun Dae. I think he and I will make a very happy marriage,"

"W-well.." her eomma looks unsure. "Okay.. then,"

"If you are sure sweetheart. Then we will start setting it up," her appa stood up and hugs her. "Just know that we both love you so much and want nothing but your happiness,"

Y/N nods slowly, tears brimming in her eyes, softly she whispers,

"Me too appa, me too..,"

/////

Tupp. Tupp.

Y/N looks over the sliding door that opens up to her huge balcony. What is that sound? Panicking, she grab the first thing she can reach, a hairbrush, and walk slowly to the glass sliding door.

Tupp. Tupp.

The sound continue. Taking a deep breath she bravely slides open the door.

"Ouchhh," she rubs her head. "What the hell?" She looks around to find what hit her. "A pebble?"

"Oh no, did I hit you?" A voice called out. Y/N looks over the balcony.

"Hyun Dae? What are you doing here? Its 2am!"

"I, uh.. I want to talk to you," he grins.

"Theres this thing call a telephone you know? Or a front door? Havent use one of those?" She glares and Hyun Dae laughs.

"Sorry. I just thought this Romeo and Juliet shit is romantic you know?" He laughs and Y/N rolls her eyes. "Can you come down? Lets take a walk in your garden,"

"Come down from here? Like Rapunzel?!"

Hyun Dae laughs. "Oh my god, how are you so adorable? Of course not! Use the front door silly,"

Y/N giggles. "Okay. Be right there,"

A few minutes later, they were strolling in Y/N's family flower garden, inhaling the fresh night air.

"So? What is it you want to talk about that cant wait until daylight?"

"Well," Hyun Dae stop walking and pull her hand, sitting her down on the stone bench. "I just want to do it properly and formally," he smiles and kneels down in front of her, holding her hand.

Y/N looks at him, both nervous and confused.

"Y/N, you dont know how truly happy, grateful, excited, speechless, ecstatic I am that you agreed to marry me. I have been in love with you since forever," he smiles and blush slightly. "And I know this is just an arranged marriage to you, and you dont love me. But right here, right now, I promise you, that I will make you the happiest girl alive, that I will love you despite everything and anything, and everything you wish for princess, is my command,"

Y/N feels her heart beats faster.

"L/N Y/N, will you marry me and make me the luckiest man ever lived?"

Without a doubt, without a single second of hesitation, she nodded.

"Yes, yes, definitely yes,"

/////

"You look distracted. Whats wrong?" Yoongi glance at Taehyung whos just staring blankly at his mirror as they are changing and cleaning up their makeup.

"Uh... nothing hyung," Taehyung quickly pretends to clean up his things.

"Its not nothing. You have been distracted for a few weeks now. I didnt want to say anything because I thought you would snap out of it but its just getting worse,"

"Its really nothing hyung!" Taehyung snaps and plop down on his chair, sighing. Yoongi shrugs and decide to give him some space. "Err.. hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"Why..uh... why doesnt Y/N come over to our shows anymore?" Taehyung finally open up his mouth to ask. Since that first time they met, she has always been around, cheering for them, right at the front row. But after her confession, he didnt see her anymore. Yeah, he felt bad about what he said and he tried calling, texting, video calling.. but nothing. Shes totally ignoring him. He wanted to meet her at her house, or her work place, until he realized he didnt know where to go. In fact, he didnt know anything about her. All the time they hung out, he only always talk about him. His life, his problems. Him. As if its that interesting. He sighs again.

Yoongi side eyed him.

"Is that what disturbing you? Y/N?"

"N-no. Im just curious,"

"Oh, okay then. Then the answer is, I dont want to tell you," Yoongi picks up his stuff and walk off.

Of course. Of course his hyung knows. Yoongi and Y/N are best friends afterall. Taehyung sighs. Well, maybe he deserves this. But still... he doesnt want to admit it to anybody, even himself, but deep down, he miss her. Really miss her.

/////

"Okay guys, lets go. We need to get ready," Namjoom clap his hands as a way to make his members make their way to the dressing room. Its awards season finally, and they need to get ready for their stage. Taehyung makes his way with his hyung to the back of the stage, wishing for all this to be over soon. He really wants to just rest his head.

As he was putting on the final touches he turns to the door and saw Y/N standing there, all dressed in a beautiful gown, fit for an award show. His first thought is, wow, and the second is that his eyes are playing tricks on him. But as Y/N makes her way inside and hugs Yoongi, he knows this is reality. Taehyung smiles. He cant help it. Did Yoongi told her about what he said a few days back and now shes here to see him?

Taehyung walks over the moment he gets the chance to get her alone.

"Hey," Taehyung smiles.

"Um.. hey," Y/N smiles awkwardly.

"So, why are you here? You miss me or something? Or are you stalking me?" He laughs.

"No, I'm actually h-"

"Hey baby, there you are. The crew said you went in first," A handsome guy, and obviously a chaebol makes his way to them, giving Y/N a kiss on the cheek and hugging her waist.

"Hi babe," she smiles. "Yeah, I went in to see Yoongi. Its time you meet my mysterious bestie,"

Taehyung was silenced, eyeing the man up and down. Baby? Cheek kissing? Waist hugging? Who is this guy?

"Oh is this Yoongi?" He smiles and held out a hand. Taehyung took it reluctantly.

"Oh no no. This is Kim Taehyung. Hes uh... Yoongi's band member,"

Yoongi's band member? Thats all he is??

"Oh okay. Hi, I'm Hyun Dae," he smiles and shakes Taehyung's hand before hugging Y/N's waist again. Taehyung felt like pulling off his arm, and he dont know why he felt that way.

"Lets go meet Yoongi," Y/N smiles and bows to him and move over to Yoongi, leaving Taehyung still staring at them. Once Yoongi and Hyun Dae are caught up in a conversation, Taehyung immediatly grab Y/N by the elbow and drag her to the side.

"Ouchh. What the hell Tae?!"

"Are you seriously this petty?" Taehyung scoffs.

"Petty?? What are you even talking about?"

"Fine, I rejected you. So now you are bringing this... this... stuck up someone here for what? To show me that you have moved on? To make me jealous?" Taehyung scoffs again. "As if,"

"What?!" Y/N looks at him in disbelief. "God Taehyung, you are so full of yourself! Hes not stuck up! And I'm not here for you!"

"Yeah right," Taehyung smile sarcastically. "So, hyung told you I asked and the next show you brought a man over? Please Y/N, have some pride,"

"What are you even talking about? Yoongs never talked about you. At all! Im here becaus-"

"Oh Taehyung, you have already met," his manager interrupted the conversation and bows to Y/N as Hyun Dae join her side. "Okay guys, gather round. I think all of you must already know about The Empire. As you know, their company owns and organized all show events in Korea and is one of the biggest in the music industry, among others. The president cant make it, so his daughter is here instead. And she and her fiancee just wants to meet all the artists her tonight to express their gratitude,"

Y/N and Hyun Dae bows and smiles to everyone as Taehyung stands frozen in place, the only thing he can hear is 'fiance'. Y/N is... engaged?

And... shes an heir?

"You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"

Yeah, they are worlds apart. He was right. But the truth is, Taehyung is the one whos way beneath her.

/////

"Lets go, lets go peopleeee," Namjoon clapped his hands a sign for them to get moving. Taehyung and the rest of the members climbed up their black van, still yawning from having to wake up early in the morning. They are off to another country for a month for their variety show shoot. A special content, the management said. Something to do with their new sponsors. Taehyung never really pay attention to all the boring details, all he knows is, he will do what he is asked to do, no question asked.

But as they land and making their way out from their private plane, Taehyung, still half asleep, need to take a double take when he saw Y/N and her fiance at the arrivals, standing atound with the crew, their luggage all around them.

"H-hyung?" He nervously tapped Yoongi's shoulder.

"What?" Yoongi grumbled, still cranky from being awaken from his beauty sleep on the plane.

"Are my eyes playing tricks on me or is that uh... Y/N?" Taehyung really wished he has gone crazy. Thats he is seeing things. That Yoongi will look at him funny and tell him theres no Y/N. And Yoongi did look at him funny, but his answer is totally not what hes expecting.

"Dont you know? Her father's company is our new sponsor for the show and they are here to monitor the shoot,"

Taehyung stopped in his tracks. He dont know why the news startled him. It shouldnt be affecting him at all. Right? Even he dont understand what he is feeling as he looked over to Y/N and Hyun Dae smiling at each other. Anger? Sadness? Happy? He cant be sure. But one thing he knows for sure, its going to be one hell of a month.

/////

"So... you arent going to tell me that you are engaged?" Taehyung jogged lightly, to catch up with Y/N whom he saw is taking a morning walk from his hotel roon window. They have free schedule for the first day and what luck, the first thing he saw this morning is Y/N, alone. Without that stupid chaebol.

"Oh, uh hi Taehyung," Y/N, startled at his presence, give a small smile and a polite bow.

"Hi Y/N," he smile. Honestly, he missed her. Well, they were pretty close before. As friends. Yes, of course as friends and nothing more! Taehyung reminded himself. "But seriously, you are never going to tell me you are engaged?"

"Do I have to?" Y/N raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm not even sure if I'm your friend or yoongis friend or whatever, you know? And I dont think you be interested to know anyway," she picked up her pace but Taehyung managed to catch up.

"What do you mean?! Of course I wanna know! And of course we are friends! And you didnt think to tell me that you father own half of Korea's music industry?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, you never ask. And I'm not one to go around telling people my family history Tae," she shrugged. "Afterall, why would a worldstar want to know about someone who is from a different world than him, right?"

Okay, he deserved that.

"Okay, Y/N, look," he pull her hand, stopping her from walking. "I am sorry about what I said that day. I dont know what I was thinking. I was startled by your confession. To be honest, the months I spent without seeing you at all, well... I missed you. I miss you, okay?"

Y/N sighed. Why is he doing this to her? Her heart is still recovering. Still trying to erased every love she felt for him.

"We are going to spend a whole month working together. Stuck in a small island. Why dont we be friends again? Hmm?" He made his famous puppy eyes, blinking his eyes rapidly, lips pouting. "Pleaaaase? Taetae is sorrryy,"

Y/N tried to keep a sttaight face but burst out laughing. She can never say no to that face.

"Fine Tae. You know I cant resist that stupid face," she laughs.

"So, friends?" Taehyung held out a hand and Y/N shakes it.

"Of course, friends,"

As he shakes her hand, smiling ear to ear, Taehyung realized, he had never felt this happy, and it scared him.

/////

They might have rekindled their friendship, but Taehyung couldnt get even 10 minutes alone with her without being disturbed by Yoongi or Hyun Dae, and its pissing him off. Worse, he have to watch all the romantic moments between the two love birds, and trust him, Hyun Dae is really not afraid to show his affection, its making him wants to throw up.

Suprising Y/N with flowers on set, setting up a special candle light dinner when the whole crew is eating, suddenly gets on stage in the middle of dinner and sing her a song. And that motherfucker can even play a guitar and he look damn good playing it too. Taehyung swore all the girls there are swooning over him. But what he hates most is all the admiring whispers.

"Y/N is so lucky"

"Hyun Dae is the perfect guy"

"I wish I was Y/N"

Urghhh. Annoying.

It also doesnt help that his relationship with Oraia has gone stale. Yeah, they text everyday, call each other every night. But nothing she says interest him. Taehyung mostly tune out whatever shes saying during their phone calls, eyes focusing on what Y/N is doing. The way she laughs when she talks to someone, her clusmy ways of doing things, her passion while working. All that is more interesting to him than his own girlfriend. His supppsedly perfect, beautiful, girlfriend.

It must be the island. He hasnt seen Oraia for almost a month now, and hes stuck here for all that time. Of course it will put a strain on his relationship. Yes, that must be it.

But as his heart bubbles with jealousy as he watches Y/N and Hyun Dae running around the beach, Hyun Dae catching Y/N by the waist and lift her up to kiss her, Taehyung knows for sure, that it is definitely not it.

/////

Taehyung tossed and turned for hours and after eventually still failing to fall asleep, he decide to take a walk by the beach. The moon is out and the breeze is welcoming. Its a good night to walk and collect his thoughts.

As he walked slowly along the beach, the cool air blowing his hair, he saw a figure sitting alone by the beach, eyes closed, enjoying the midnight breeze. Taehyung immediately smile.

Y/N.

"Hey," he approached her slowly and smile.

"Oh, Tae. Hi," she smiled back. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"I cant sleep. What about you? Isnt it dangerous for a pretty girl to be alone so late at night?" He smile.

Y/N laughs.

"Its a private island Tae. I think its kinda safe. And you know I usually cant sleep and the sound of the ocean calms me down,"

Taehyung does know that. Back to the days when they use to spend so much time together, they always sit by the beach and talked. Well, usually, he will be the one who do the talking, because all he cares about is himself. And his problems. And Y/N always listen. To all his weird ramblings, his peculiar thoughts that people usually laugh at. Even Oraia sometimes makes fun of him. But Y/N listen to them all. Understand him even. Why didnt he realized that before?

"Well... can I join you?"

"Of course. Have a seat," she patted down the spot besides her and Taehyung makes himself comfortable. They talked and talked, laughter filled up the night air and Taehyung cant seem to care about anything else other than that moment.

"Oh god, my tummy is hurting from laughing so much," Y/N said, still giggling from what Taehyung said. "I forgot how funny and weird you are Taetaeee,"

Taehyung smile and looked at her, staring deeply at her laughing face.

"Its nice,"

"What is?" Y/N who has stopped laughing, asked him, confused.

"Hearing you call me Taetae again," he smile, making Y/N blushed.

"W-well, that is your name,"

"Yeah, yeah. It is," Taehyung smile, still staring at her. "Y/N? Are you happy?"

"Right now? Yeah I am. We have been laughing for hours Tae. Of course Im happy. Whats wrong with you?" Y/N giggles, trying to toned down the awkwardness shes starting to feel.

"No. I mean, are you happy? Like really happy? With Hyun Dae? Does he makes you happy?"

"H-hyun Dae?" Y/N was taken aback from the sudden question. "Uhh, of course I am, hes my fiance, of course he makes me happy Tae,"

"Really? Then why did you stutter?" Taehyung still looks at her, straight into her eyes with his sharp gaze.

"I- I did not stutter! Whats wrong with you Tae? You are being weird. But not normal weird," Y/N starts to dust off the sand off her, preparing to get up. "Its getting late. We should go in,"

Taehyung grab her hands, standing up with her.

"Do you love him? Do you love Hyun Dae?"

"Why are you asking me that Tae? You are being weird!" Y/N tries to shake off his grip but he held on tighter.

"Answer the question Y/N. Do you love him?"

"Hyun Dae is amazing! He cares for me. He loves me. He knows what I like, sweet, romantic, p-"

"But do you love him?"

"I-I," Y/N stuttered. "I dont need to answer that!" Y/N tries to pull her hand again but to no avail.

"You cant answer it because you dont love him. And you cant lie to me," Taehyung smile.

"You are crazy. Let my hand go Tae," Y/N insisted. "It has nothing to do with you!"

"But it does Y/N. It does, because you dont love him. Because you love me," Taehyung state matter of factly. "You always did and you always will Y/N,"

Y/N was speechless, shocked, surprised, that Taehyung would bring it up again. Tears starts to sting her eyes. She has never felt more hummiliated. Is Taehyung making fun of her? Of her feelings? She thought they were friends again. Why is he doing this to her?

"Just let me go!"

"I cant, and I wont,"

"Why?!" Y/N is crying now. She dont understand why Taehyung is being this way. "To hummiliate me even more? To make fun of my feelings for you?"

"What? No!" Taehyung cant believe Y/N would think of him to be that cruel. But maybe he deserved it. "Because I love you Y/N!" Taehyung pull her hands, making her fall into his arms and he immediately cup her face and captured her lips with hers. The kiss has never felt more electricfying. Taehyung felt goosebump all over his body, he hears fireworks went off everywhere. And right at that moment, he knows that hes in love.

But the moment only last for a split second when Y/N, tears already spilled down her cheeks pushed him away hard and slapped him across the face.

"Get away from me Kim Taehyung!"

Was the last word she screamed out before she ran away into the darkness.

/////

Taehyung almost went crazy trying to finish the rest of the shooting. After that fateful night, Y/N took the earliest flight home the next morning, leaving Taehyung with no way to contact her at all. No reply to his texts or his calls and he cant even get away from his stupid schedule to find her at home. He was lost.

Its the very first time in his life that he has seen things so clearly. He is in love with Y/N. And she left him being so lost.

It also doesnt help that after Taehyung told Oraia that he wants to break up, his crazy ex girlfriend bombared his calls, his texts, his friends, even his manager with texts begging to take her back. She even went so far as to include the media, giving sad interviews, crying her eyes out. Taehyung wondered how he didnt notice how crazy Oraia is. Maybe its true what they said, love is blind. But what they had isnt love. It never was. They both know they got together just because they seemed to look perfect for each other. Thats not love, and Oraia is just mad that shes no longer one half of the industry perfect couple.

/////

"Hey Tae?" Yoongi knocks on his hotel room, peeking his head. Theres still a week left of shooting, but Taehyung's heart is no where in it. All he wanted to do is to go back home, find Y/N and begged for her forgiveness until she takes her back. Hes going to convince her that he loves her. He really do. And not because he pity her, or because hes jealous of her relationship with Hyun Dae, but because he just realized it now. That from that moment he asked her where the bathroom is, hes already in love. Y/N has already caught his eyes, and heart from that first night at the concert, but he is too busy chasing his fame and title to realized it.

And now it might be too late.

Taehyung might have already lost the love of his life, forever.

"Yeah hyung?" Yoongi make his way in and sit on Taehyung's bed.

"Did something happen between you and Y/N? Did she going back home early has anything to do with you?"

Taehyung looked at his hyung with tired eyes. No longer bother to pretend or curious why his hyung us asking.

I told her I love her...." Taehyung said, tears stinging his eyes at the memory. "And she thinks I'm just playing her,"

Yoongi sighed.

"Are you?"

Taehyung sits up and hugs a pillow, looking at Yoongi with teary eyes.

"No hyung. Of course not. I really do love her. I love her so much. Im just too stupid to realized it then," he sniffles. "And now, I have to wait until this stupid shoot is over to win her back hyung, because shes not answering my calls or my texts. And I swear hyung, I will do everything to win her back from that Hyun Dae,"

Yoongi sighs again, looking away before looking back at the younger man.

"Tae... Y/N is getting married today. She suddenly said she wants to get married as soon as possible, doesnt matter if its a small wedding. She just wants to get married. Today,"

Taehyung looked at his hyung, eyes widen, not believing what hes hearing.

"I-I have to go hyung," he suddenly gets up.

"Go where Tae? What are you doing?"

Taehyung grabs his bag, not thinking anymore.

"To stop the wedding hyung, to win back the love of my life,"

/////

Y/N looks at her reflection in the mirror. Even with last minute preparations, her mother managed to do everything perfectly. Her dress, her makeup, her hair, her flowers, even her dressing room is perfect. Y/N smile to her reflection. But she knows its only superficial. Its a smile she puts on to convince everyone, to convince herself, that shes making the right decision. The right choice.

That shes happy.

And she know Hyun Dae will make her happy.

He have to.

"Dont marry him,"

Y/N turns around to find Kim Taehyung by the door. His hair a mess, shirt crumpled, eyes bloodshot from crying.

"T-Tae..."

"Dont marry him Y/N," he move closer to her. "Dont do it. Please. Please Y/N,"

"Taehyung, what are you doing here?" Y/N feel tears prickling her eyes. Why is he here. Why now? Why today?

"To tell you I love you Y/N," Taehyung sniffles and take her hand. "T-to tell you to not marry him. Dont marry him Y/N,"

"I-I cant Tae," Y/N shakes her head. "Hyun Dae deserves all the happiness in the world. He treats me so good Tae,"

"Then what about you? You deserve happiness too. Happiness with me Y/N,"

Y/N close her eyes and shakes her head. Why is Taehyung telling her all the things shes dying to hear before? But its all too late now. Too late.

"Marry me Y/N. Marry me. And I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. Marry me," Taehyung sobs and kneel down on his knees, begging, hand still holding hers.

Y/N starts to shake, trying to hold in her tears but it rolled out anyway, flooding her face.

"D-dont do this to me Tae. You dont love me. You dont. You dont!"

"I love you Y/N. I love you I love you I love you! I know I realized it too late. And thats my mistake. But I swear to you, that I'll spend forever making it up to you," Taehyung begs desperately. He cant lose her. He cant! "Please. Please, dont marry him Y/N. Please..."

Y/N closes her eyes. Tears rolling down her face, no intention of stopping. She wanted to say yes. God, how she wanted to say yes. How easy it would be. To be with the man he love. The man he had dreamed of. But she cant. Its not fair to Hyun Dae. And its not fair to her. To her heart that Taehyung has broken to pieces.

"Im sorry Taehyung... I cant," Y/N let go of his hand, tears dropping on the floor, wetting her beautiful white dress.

Taehyung felt like his whole world shattered to pieces. Thats it. Just two words. "I cant" and he lost her. He lost the love of his life.

After felt like an eternity, he stood up, face still wet with tears but a smile on his face.

"You look beautiful Y/N," he smile. "You always do.

Y/N sobs hard, her whole body shakes.

"Be happy Y/N. Hes an idiot if he dont take care of you. If he hurt you like I do. Hes an absolute idiot," Taehyung smile and carressed her face softly. "Be happy my princess. And when the time comes, come back to me. I'll always be waiting Y/N, because you are my true love, and we will always find our way back to each other,"

Taehyung placed a long, deep kiss on her forehead, eyes closed as tears flows down, knowing he has lost the love of his life, trying to savor the feel of her in his memories.

"I love you Y/N. And I'll wait for you, forever," he smile one last time as he turns around and walk away, leaving Y/N drenched in her tears.

/////

5 YEARS LATER

"Woohoooo, last concert for this tour guys, good job!" The members high five each other as they make their way into the dressing room backstage. Taehyung laughs and make his way into his own personal room, exhausted from a show well done.

"Hi, do you know where the bathroom is?"

Taehyung stopped in his track at the sound of the voice. A voice so familiar. A voice that haunts his dream for years. A voice that he never forgets.

He looks up, and there she is. Smiling at him.

"Y-Y/N?"

Y/N nods, giggling.

"Y/N?!" Taehyung runs to her and engulf her in a hug. "I am not dreaming am I? A-are you really here?"

Y/N giggles again.

"Its me Tae. Real life me. Im real,"

"W-why? H-how?"

"Well, if Im not mistaken, 5 years ago, someone told me that we will always find our way back to each other. And that he will wait for me, forever. Im just checking if he still keeps his promise," Y/N grins.

Taehyung hugs her tight.

"You dont know how I dream of this day every single day Y/N. How I waited to see you again. To feel you again. To hear your voice again," Taehyung hugs her, not letting go.

"Ive come back Taehyung. Ive come back to you,"

Taehyung cant believe this is happening. Then he remembered something. And although its something hes dreading to ask, he knows he has to know.

"H-Hyun Dae?"

Y/N smile at his nervous state. She has never seen someone so adorable. God, shes just so in love with him.

"We were never married Tae. When you came that day... everything changed. I didnt marry him. I couldnt. Not when I know my heart belongs to you. And Hyun Dae... he knows it too. And he loves me enough to let me find my own happiness,"

"W-what?"

"Im sorry it took so long. But I need to find myself. To really understand my feelings, your feelings... but Im here now, Taehyung... if you still want me..."

Taehyung grins.

"Is that even a question my love?"

Y/N giggles at the way he calls her.

"I love you Y/N. Since that first night we met. I have been yours. Im sorry for hurting you. Im sorry for my mistakes. Im sorry fo-"

"Shhhh," she puts a finger on his lips. "It doesnt matter anymore Tae. All of it doesnt matter anymore," she smile. "Im here now. You are here now. And I, I love you Kim Taehyung,"

Taehyung grins. Such word has never felt so sweet. He felt happiness bubbling inside his chest. And in the first time in 5 years, he really mean it.

"I love you Y/N, my love, my soulmate,"

"I love you Taehyung. You really had me at bathroom," she giggles.

"Oh shut up," Taehyung laughs and lifts her up, wrapping her legs around him. "Just shut up and kiss me. Just kiss me baby,"

And she really did.

#bts #bangtan boys #bangtan seonyeondan #bts fiction #bts fanfic #kim taehyung #bts v #taehyung scenario #taehyung angst #taehyung fiction #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst

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azuwulastan · 4 years ago

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ty lee

Why I like them:

Because she's a mix of being very sensitive and sweet and also being a thrill seeker/mean girl. So many hidden depths to her character and imo its quite ambiguous as to what is going on in her head at any given time. I love that there are so many different ways to interpret her character and shes also really cute

Why I don’t

This was really hard to answer but if she was real she would probably think im a frumpy dyke 😭

favorite episode (scene if movie)

That scene where she's teaching the bear how to walk on its paws. I think abt it all the time. also when she teaches azula how to flirt

Favorite season/movie

Hard to choose between bk 2 and 3 bc she's so funny in bk 2 but bk 3 is where we see some more depth to her character

Favorite line

"(Laughing) you probably would do something horrible to them" also when she calls mai's aura dingy i scream like... she's so funny

Favorite outfit

I wish we saw more of her outfits! Her default one is cute though

Otp

haha i mean.. tyzula bc i think their dynamic is very interesting and its awfully tragic no matter how you interpret the actual nature of their relationship. but i would obviously prefer she is in a relationship she is happy and fulfilled in after spending a lot of time growing, learning to love herself, and not being subject to bullying and controlling behaviour

Brotp

Ty Lee & Momo seem like kindred spirits to me. You know how momo normally hears weird garbled sounds whenever someone speaks? Him and ty lee would just have a normal conversation (everyone would be like 👀) and that helps lead her on her journey of self discovery to learn she is descended from air nomads

I do like mailee brotp but i also can easily imagine them totally drifting once azula gets locked up. Like some relationships are bound to a particular context but? Im not sure. Its really hard to tell what mai feels towards anyone besides zuko tbh. And even then its hard to say lol.

Suki is another obv choice but she's not very fleshed out in the series so im still getting my thoughts straight on that one

Zuko is another interesting choice but his one interaction w her was him being mean to her so... hes probs too insecure abt her relationship w azula to trust her

Head Canon

She is a total scatterbrain, gets really angry when woken up prematurely, shit self esteem (poor baby), #ty lee is a mean girl, is a lesbian but is still figuring that out during the series, she's an empath, she would be soo much fun to get drunk with, she spent a lot of time as a child dancing with her door shut, i could go on

Unpopular opinion

She probably had a lot of ambivalence abt being a kyoshi warrior and i think she joined them to run away from something (up to your interpretation) but it also helped her grow as a person a lot . So its was an overall positive experience but not so clear cut. Idk how unpopular this opinion is tbh.

A wish

She gets to travel the world on her own terms, bc she wants to and not bc she's running away from something or forced into it

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Make her azulas healer with no regard for her own feelings or character

5 words to best describe them

Pink!, sensitive, underrated, thrillseeking, exuberant

My nickname for them

Acrobat i guess. Sweet sugar cakes was also such a projection. If anyone is a sweet sugar cake it is ty lee lmao

#thank you!#i was hoping someone would say ty leee lol #ty lee

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

Text

i have a lot to say about mr queen but idk how to say it so ill just collect what i did say (ammmz)

wrote this somewhere else in response to someone but:

i think the writers backed themselves into a corner here. your comment got cut off and hopefully you can finish the thought later (if you so choose.) i agree with everything you said!

i see some issues in the way the story is received now that it’s ended.

1. interpreting this as a gay story in the literal sense 2. discarding SO YONG’s self and her womanhood which is integral to the story / discarding anyones womanhood and/or precarious situations (IE being poor, being a gisaeng, etc) 3. gender confusion in the end

my issue in the plainest terms is that, in the original, we get a happy ending in the most clear cut sense. SY goes to the present, BH stays in the past. i say they could have gone further and just made them have souls projected or some shit with SoBong mix in the past, and SY alive as BH in the present (however she sees fit to live this life.) this is interesting because so yong is living as a man in SK. a man who (pre accident and post accident is a hero) had money, was a cis man in 2021 SK, worked at the blue house, and, like all men, didnt have the respecting woman juice bug.

it would be cool to see how SY could have lived in the present as a cis man (on the outside.) how she would choose to live going forward is up to her; would she keep her appearance? would she have ease as BH the way BH did for her? could they still have the ideas of the mind and know themselves in the body? since, essentially, So Bong is that idea. and this is all philosophical too like literally ONTOLOGY! the show delves into philosophers and thinkers so it could have done this from a philsophical standpoint (and hello! they seem to be on a kick these days post-stranger like sisyphus?!??! but you know…lol)

i wont regurgitate what you said beause you’re absolutely correct (IMO~~ not that it matters) bc the show is all about autonomy and ownerhsip and living HAPPILY especially for the people who do not get to determine that life. that is largely to say the women in this story, the women of joseon. sidenote: i do not know as much about korea and its sociopolitical history as i would like but like all movements, the labor movement (what would evovle from the peasant rev) is very very very masculine and not open to genfder and sexual minorities worldwide. isnt it interesting that such a heavy movement (starting from donghak in the show) is so so female centered? the whole show is an estrogen fest in the best way 🙂

so for people to miss that all of that IS so yong is sad. because sobong is so yong. and so yong is so bong just like bonghwan is. they chose each other. them kissing each other is a mark of a transfer of souls or some kindred spirits or something. it’s alarming that people miss the point of how crucial this selfish man going into this desperate woman’s body is. how her suicide was to save her mind but still our interpretation is that a man saved her and took over for her. as if bong hwan wasnt hugely flawed which is why he worked for so yong because she couldnt have the chance to discover that on her own because of her place. gee wouldnt it be interesting if we took away that, maybe, women have a right to exist? that maybe bong hwan was majorly flawed, narcissistic, disrespectful to WOMEN and that his life turns upside down and he learns what its like to have NOTHING for yourself. to be a woman who is told she is nothing because of her existence, because of men, because of money and power. and for BH to truly be shocked at how horrifically she was treated.

this is why i go so far as to say that CJ with all versions of queen cheorin make sense. he didnt give a shit about her frailty and that is the catalyst for her realizing htat she has to rely on herslef. her suicide was her CHOICE. so what if it’s negative, unsavory, cowardly; she got to decide for once.

hwa jin’s end especially (i stopped mid ep 18!) i love. she knew she was gonna go insane and we hated her for it. but she chose HERSELF.

but this is where the writers need to explain the gender and sexuality thing comes at the fault of them and also our society~ (lol) and us as viewers. it is queerbaiting in the sense that gender is confusing or whatever and if you’re GNC or NB you (AFAIK correct me if im wrong someone) are in every sexuality. sure people may have missed that but we’re so stuck on and obsessed with BOY OR GIRL? GAY OR NOT? (i’m not saying you as a user have done this, just ing eneral) that when we fight against just going with the flow which the show does for its whole run until its final explanation hits it bits us in the ass. now the questions are: was h eboy all along? which lol

no doubt SK is conservative (and no doubt they present gender and sexuality differently as well but one thing no matter how progressive or conservative places are—and you know, most are conservative because that’s how capitalism gets us and we’re just going against the current sorry couldnt help myslef—our societal ills stay so MASCULINITY and ideas of sexuality permeate and are constant through the world. fear fo gayness, femninity, no gender, transness, whatever it is) but the questions i am asking are – why did it have to end that way? was this planned? since the source material is different. if the writers think the trajectory makes sense, why? and if not, what would they change? – what was their intention?

from a technical standpoint, i think the ending does not support hwat the show has shown. just in literal set up and execution. that is a minute problem though in the grand scehme of things. in terms of story, what does this mean for BH and SY and CJ? why wouldnt he notice her? but i can pretend all of that doesnt exist and handwave and pretend it is so bong and CJ (which it is, until the end.) what is so hard to have So Bong exist? what doesnt make sense about that in a fantasy? why this ending?

i’d like to know if it was fear or if they couldnt accept that ending. it’s possible and that makes it unacceptable. or did it just not make sense to them? or it owuldnt to the viewers? in which case: jesus christ who cares. the show does a good job of propelling itself but it seems the gender question is just too fucking pressing that it put itself into its own corner. which you know fair enough. it manages to sustain itself even with that blunder but it’s like why and now why does it seem that the point of all that is missing. what could they have done differently to drive this point home? and really what can we all learn from it?

as a cis person this has taught me a lot oabout gender and my thoughts. i am inclined to this type of thought naturally and admittedly i do want to be a pretentious artist dumb bitch social justice warrior 😛 but even with all the things i know, the things i’ve done, when it comes to radical shit i’m still learning SO MUCH. there’s so much history i dont know, so many prejudices i still habor even if i fight against htem an know theyre wrong, privileges i have. this is why media IS important (and why i hate capitalism) bc even me at 29, even me the girl involved in a solidarity union and a resurgence of the black panthers doesnt know shit, hasnt experienced shit, grew up in a shit system too with poor understanding of difference. even as i try and dismantly everything a fucking south korean drama and kurt cobain has me thinking about how absurd gender is and this is SOMETHING I KNEW. there’s so much information to take in and ways we process that information, it’s taken me years to undo the gender industrial complex, and it will continue to take me years. i am a woman and a proud one but as a cis woman i am aware of my own limitations and this world expanded it. and it makes me think harder about my status and what about femininity and womanhood in a cis lens is so important. and that blockade or erosion of that blockade via the show is something i appreciate. the show was saying go with the flow because we dont HAVE TO understand it. we dONT. it’s just gender. it means everyhting and nothing all at once. but it had to be explained so much to its own detriment when it was already saying so much of what needed ot be said. hopefully many a non cis people found it compelling (and if anyone wants to LMK what they thought of the end from any perspective but that one specifically i am interested cos yea!)

#mr. queen

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mitchmarnier · 6 years ago

Text

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING [SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF]

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier chapter count: 1/5 summary: eddie kaspbrak runs an advice blog online, and he finds that maybe he’s starting to develop feelings for the cute, regular anon he gets gushing about their crush. meanwhile, richie tozier opens up his heart about falling in love to an anonymous advice blogger. read on ao3.

Eddie wondered if it was a little sad how excited he got when the message in his inbox started with a little purple heart emoji. Because his little heart definitely jumped in his chest every time he saw it at the front, and that message always got instant priority over whatever else was in his inbox.

omg cute boy did the most perfect thing today. i dont even have a genuine question here, or anything i just need to express how perfect this tiny human is and i think all my friends are tired of hearing about gfhdlgfhakjahsjlga i wanna hold his stupid tiny hand.

Eddie smiled to himself, clicking on the reply button. The past few weeks, Eddie’s spur of the moment advice blog had suddenly gained a ridiculous amount of popularity after a screenshot of one his posts had made its way onto a Buzzfeed article. With all the new followers, a great influx of messages had come along as well. Including this specific purple heart emoji anon, who seemed to be completely and utter smitten with somebody who worked in the same place as he did. And Eddie well, maybe Eddie was a little in love with how in love his anon was. Or maybe he wanted somebody to love him that much.

“Good moooooorning, beautiful!”

Eddie startled, quickly slamming the lid of his computer down. His advice blog was a top secret of his, the only person who knew he did was his best friend from high school, Mike. They’d both made blogs back in the early years of high school, and Eddie had clung to his as a perfect escape from the bullshit of the real world. He didn’t think Mike still used it, but he was the only person who knew that Eddie used his. And what he used it for.

Richie worked at the Starbucks across from Eddie’s store in the mall, and he’d seemed to latch onto Eddie on his very first day on the job. They were both college students trying to make ends meet with part time jobs when they weren’t in their classes or sleeping, and Richie had declared them kindred spirits. That had been almost two years earlier, and Eddie had officially been selling skinny jeans and sweaters to teenager girls for way too long.

“Sure slammed that shut pretty quick,” Richie commented with a small whistle. He raised his eyebrow and cocked his lips up into half a grin. His small overbite was barely obvious from that smile, but it was still annoying adorable. Eddie supposed that must things were annoyingly adorable about Richie Tozier. “Are you looking at porn on the job, Kaspbrak? Or do you just have deep dark hidden secret out there on the Internet?”

Eddie flushed. “You’re not supposed to be behind the counter.”

Richie held his hands up in defense, each one holding a Starbucks cup and rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll just take your iced coffee back over to work and dump it out then.”

“You’ll do no such thing!” Eddie cried, flopping forward in his chair to make grabby hands at smaller cup. Richie let out a laugh and handed the drink to Eddie, tucking his own empty hand into the back pocket of his jeans.

Eddie took a sip of the drink and let out a loud sigh. Richie had perfected his drink to the point where Eddie wouldn’t go to Starbucks if Richie wasn’t working. On the nice days when Richie’s shift started before Eddie’s, Eddie wouldn’t have to get up and get it himself at all. “Are you done now?” Eddie asked, glancing at the clock on the wall behind him. It was a little after noon, a bit early for Richie to be finished his shift but he knew that Richie did like to take shorter shifts during exam season.

“Nah. Not done until three.” Richie said, sipping at his red-coloured, syrupy iced drink that Eddie was never brave enough to ask what was in it. “I’m going on my break. Want to go see the outside world with me and remember what it’s like to be free?”

Eddie clucked his tongue, and turned on the chair to look at his coworker, Kay. “Is it okay if I go on my break now?” It was a little early to Eddie to take a break, and he knew he’d probably regret it later when he had to move through the last several hours of his shift in one go, but he was still going to jump at the chance.

Kay looked up from the binder of the summer sales that were coming in, and smirked as she caught sight of Richie standing with Eddie. “Yeah, we’re completely dead,” Kay replied. “I’m not sure why Barb insists on scheduling two people in the middle of the day when our entire target audience is in school.”

“K thanks!” Eddie jumped down from the chair, sticking his tongue out at Kay as Richie turned around. He supposed that his raging crush on the lankier guy hadn’t exactly been subtle over the last year or so, but it was subtle enough that Richie hadn’t seemed to notice and that was what mattered in the long run.

He remembered how annoyed he’d been when he’d realized that he’d fallen for the stupid barista boy like a goddamn internet cliche. But then again, Eddie had never claimed to be anything more than an Internet cliche, so what the point in fighting it? He’d let himself fall full forward into liking Richie, and found that he enjoyed Richie even more than he’d originally realized. Once he stopped fighting his crush, and let himself genuinely find Richie funny and amusing, life became so much lighter.

Richie jumped up onto the curb stop once they’d gotten outside, and swung his leg around while drinking from the red drink of death. “So... are you going to invite me to Mike’s party this weekend?”

Eddie raised one eyebrow, a challenge. “I’m assuming that since you’re asking about it, that Mike has already asked you.”

“Well, yeah.” Richie huffed, but he was still smiling. “But you didn’t ask me, Eddie. And that hurts. I thought we were lovers.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but he knew that he was blushing. “I don’t know whatever gave you that idea, Richard, but I’ll have you know that I didn’t invite anybody to this party. Because it’s Mike’s party, for his weird fuckboy boyfriend. I just happen to live in the same house as that party. I’ll be spending it in my room, probably watching re-runs of the Office with Chinese food.”

Richie jumped off the curb and landed in front of Eddie. “Well then- invite me to that.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes. “You want to spend your Saturday night sitting alone with me watching the Office?”

“My favourite show with my favourite boy?” Richie reached out and pinched Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie swatted him away with a grumble. “Honestly, I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do on Saturday. It’s not like I’d be drinking anyway.”

Eddie nodded, knowing all about Richie’s long and poor history with alcohol that had peaked the year before they’d met. Still though... parties seemed like something Richie enjoyed, as somebody who thrived on social environments. “You're welcome to come over and watch the Office with me,” Eddie said with small smile. “And I promise I won’t be offended when you ditch me for the music and chatter of half the school in my tiny living room.”

Richie tossed an arm around Eddie’s shoulder and pulled him into him. “I would never ditch my Eds!”

xxx

“I swear,” Richie said, gesturing towards Eddie’s small bedroom television set. They were both laying together, Eddie’s small enough that they were pressed together from top to bottom. It wasn’t the first time they’d been seated in Eddie’s bed like this, but it made Eddie’s heart race everytime. “It takes Pam and Jim longer to get together every time I want this show.”

Eddie let his head lull to the side, crinkling up his nose. He, personally, could barely hear the show over the raging music from the party outside the walls. Mike had promised to try and keep it down for them, but Eddie hadn’t really expected much. “They get together in the same episode every time.”

“Yes, Edward.” Richie rolled his eyes, letting his hand come down and start to fiddling with the rainbow pride rope bracelet that Eddie always wore on his left wrist. “In my old age, I just find myself a little less tolerant of all this slowburn. They’re obviously soulmates, why must we sit through so much bullshit when they should just have gotten together at the start?”

Eddie chuckled, hoping Richie couldn’t feel his blood rushing under his hold on his wrist. “I like the slowburn. It’s interesting, you know? Two people who obviously right for each other but had to the get the timing right too. That’s the whole part of it. I think Jim and Pam wouldn’t have been nearly as interesting and powerful as couple if they’d gotten together right at a beginning and never had to like... really go through it together.”

“I just don’t think love should always have to be such a struggle.” Richie said, moving on from playing with Eddie’s bracelet to simply rubbing at Eddie’s wrist. “Why can’t just once I see a couple get together and then nothing bad ever happens, the end.”

Eddie smiled softly. “Why, Richard Tozier, I didn’t know you were such a closet romantic.”

“There’s lots you don’t know about me, Eds.” Richie tilted his head back down and smiled at him. Eddie blinked sleepily at him, letting his smile turn slightly confused. Richie let out a sigh. “Like, uh... I probably never told you this, but I think the best decision I ever made was going over to talk to you that day when you surrounded by all those preteens that were freaking out that you guys were sold out of those new Kardashian jeans.”

Eddie groaned, head falling into Richie’s neck. He told himself he imagined that Richie’s seemed to jump underneath him at the pressure of Eddie’s body.“Oh my God, that was the worst fucking day.”

“Wow,” Richie chuckled, moving Eddie’s body with his. Richie had always been a touchy feely friend, but Eddie didn’t think they’d ever been this close. “Guess I’ll just die.”

“Obviously the only good part of the day was the big gangly losers coming over and handing me a coffee even thought he’d never met and wasn’t sure how I even took it.” Eddie laughed, shifting so he could look at him, chin resting on Richie’s chest.

“Hey.” Richie waggled his eyebrows. “I made a wicked iced coffee that day.”

“It was edible.” Eddie said dryly. “But I think I was so high on anxiety, you could have handed me hot piss in a cup and I would’ve drank it without a second thought.”

“That’s disgusting,” Richie laughed, leaning in to press a quick kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “I thought I was supposed to be the disgusting one.”

Eddie’s entire face flushed. “You’re not that disgusting.”

Something odd and soft came over Richie’s face, and he was leaning closer... closer... Eddie took in a shaky breath, closed his eyes...

A loud crash, followed by Mike swearing, broke them apart. Eddie rolled his eyes and paused the show. “Want to help me kick some ass?”

“Every single person in that room could kill me with one punch,” Richie replied, smiling cheekily. “But I would happily die in a fight for my Eddie Spaghetti.”

“Oh my God, fucking gross, how many times do I need to tell you not to call me that?”

“At least once more, apparently.”

xxx

After Richie and the party guests had all gone home, Eddie quickly logged into his blog and clicked onto his ask box. Right at the top was a message from the purple heart.

fuck i almost kissed the cutie today! he seemed into it but this stupid party interrupt it and now im like??? do i try to kiss him again or was i over thinking it? ah ah ah pls send help. i need a whole army of strong men to carry me through this.

Eddie frowned.

#reddie #reddie fic #my writing #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #lmtys #:D

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