#i dont know how to fix it if i dont know what i meed to fix

[zoppzoop]

Vent

[communitypoolswimlessons]

last July I decided to record my thoughts on the miraculous ladybug movie

, here you go

(prepare for the most massive text block of your life)

Why is the lighting so harsh all the time????Marinette's speaking v singing voice is soooo. Different

AND WHY DID GABRIEL HAVE LONG HAIR AT ONE POINT BURN IT

And also? Why do they have a ginormous portrait of them in MOURNING CLOTHES.

careless whisper playing as chat takes ladybug's hand is the most correct ever

Also, Adrian is me coded fr

Chat is chaos incarnate

WHY TF DOES CHAT LEAP AWAY LIKE THAT

Adrian get your life together why does a girl make you smile this much you JUST met her

stHAP WHY DID THEY MAKE ADRIAN SO BBGGabriel????? Singing?????

STOP it right now (his whole villain song is sendingggggg meede)

You know what I love how Marinette loves her dad

Marinette's emo song goes hard

I know this is, like, a show about magical powers and whatnot but I really like how they show the destruction of the fight and how, even while helping, damage is done

DONT THINK I DIDNT SEE LUKA I DID I WAS CHEERING HIM ON IN ANY SCENE HE WAS IN

HEATHENS. ABSOLUTE HEATHENS. WHY MUST THEY BITE THEIR ICE CREAM

The banter as they fight is killing me oh my god

And before people ask who I ship in the weird love square, it's just the two of them with the banter ladybug and chat noir have.

IDK WHY IT GOT SO COMPLICATED BUT IT DID AND IM CONFUSED. they are LITERALLY the same people, different fonts.

*breath has been stolen from my body* THE WALL OTS LITERALLY FANFICTION WRITING ITSELF

Also, /gen, how old are they? Because I know in the series they're like 14-15, but in the movie the animation really does make them look younger idk. I think it's around the same?

GEEZE when Marinette claps back she does so brilliantly

$$$picture of dead spider, could have been spiderman$$$

If a) chat noir gets akumatized or b) they don't end up together I will riot I have seen both happen and I have already suffered!!!! I've paid my dues!!!

IM SORRY THE WHOLE HAND THING WHERE IT SHOWS THE PROGRESSION THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE I HAVE DIED DEAD OH MY GOODNESS I HAVE PASSED AWAY /VPOS

Chat is so goofy frOH MY GOD NO NOT THE DOIBLE DUMP SHUT UP AND SHOW YOUR SECRET IDENTITY ALREADY

Also the earbuds?? As a symbol for Adrian's mental state??? Pretty smart ngl

There's only half an hour left Marinette needs to stop singing and get this fixed!!!

Why is hawkmoth like that???? He went from some silly goofy villain with a dark past to me angst machine who only cares about joining his wife like, yes that's his motive in the series but it's much more sane? I guess?

NOOOOO CARLESS WHISPER IS HIS RINGTONE?????

adrian oh my god stop being angsty AND DO YOUR JOB

Plagg has my whole heart fr

Sad we didn't get to see a slow transformation for chat tho

the suspense oh my god stop it

THEYRE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS YOUR HONOR GET YOUR GRIMY LITTLE HANDS AWAY FROM MY BABIES

damn got them with the force

OH MY GOD THIS MAN KNOWS THAT THEY ARE CHILDREN AND DOES. NOT. CARE. LIKE SIR???

what the heck oh my god OH MY GOD THE REVEAL ITS TIME

literally only half of the mask is gone when he recognizes adrian this man needs to spend more time with his child.

If hawkmoth has a redemption arc I will be waiting in line to punch him. Take a number I will gladly do so. Just lemme at him.

How does his cat ears stay on?

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THE REVEAL

why is the wife not in her glass case she's gonna decompose!!!!

[sowhatnotcreative]

The word dropping my brain keeps doing makes me feel so stupid i hate it. When i talk or when i type the next word will just be completely gone. And in trying to find the words i forget the point.

Hate this illness. So much. I don't believe that hell could possibly be anything other than this. Only pain and exhaustion and fuckin pity and people asking how are you and then saying "well be as good as you can :/" while simultaneously assuming i can do things i absolutely can not.

" I know you meed us to help you clean and cook but im just gonna leave this pile of clothes here for you to fix with later?" "No you dont need food delivered home because of ur disability lol we can come do it! But also fuck you for making us take care of you! But also i refuse to help get you someone else to do it for you! If you feel so bad why dont you call 911?"

What happened to i will drive you in a wheelchair if it helps you? What happened to I can make you some lunchboxes? No its only "i will totally come help wait no lol i dont want to. No im not busy i just dont want to i think I'll go visit your sister instead tho shes got a dog and isnt depressing."

You complain to the doctor that "we her family have to take care of her for over a year now!" When you know full well you've visited me to help 5 times tops and thats being generous. When it was my sister you knew full well dad only went with her to the doctors appointment once and you wouldn't shut up about it but now all of a sudden you and the family have taken care pf me?

Every single time i ask for help from you you say no! Every single time unless its driving to the doctor? But even then you don't even bother caring if i have food at home because people like you dont go to the store? You dont even step foot inside the door.

I sit and listen to all your bullshit complaining about everyone from sister to dad to your boss but when i have a single negative feeling you're not interested and how DARE I express emotions towards your general direction? Was I judt the first practice child to you? A vent friend since you're too much of an asshole to make real friends?

[easytoforgettt]

im back for the 5th time

Hey guys, i think im back fr now. ive been “healthy” for a while now, i lost 7kgs, but it took me waaaay too long and i dont have much time. theres been a lot going on lately. ive my depression and anxiety back, ive got a boyfriend but hes friends with his ex and i dont like the situation im in with her being in the fucking picture- the picture would be way prettier with just me and him in it... maybe im not skinny enough? not pretty enough? i know that he loves me very much and i love him so so much, i would jump in a fire for him. but he still needa be friends with that girl. i would block anyone for him, why wont he block anyone for me? shes just a friend he says, shes suuuuch an important person in his life. theres been a little bit of drama in this situation, if any of you would like an in depth explanation i can give it to you, i need to get it off my chest. For now my plan is to get skinnt till summer, bc ill probably meed her in the summer and i need to be the pretty one, i need to be the skinnier one, i need to be the baddest bitch that i can in front of her, bc lets be real- no one likes to look worse than their bfs ex, and i fucking wont. the fact that he doesnt understand why i dont like them being friends.... sometimes i wonder if hes actually blind as to how i feel or if he just acts like he dont see it just so he can have things his way. why is she so fucking important. shes the only one i have a problem with... anyways, about other things- im maybe going to therapy next week but im not really sure, (TRIGGER WARNING SELF HARM) ive relapsed and my bf saw it, lately ive also had extreme anxiety and panic attacks at night and he saw all of them, im scared that he wont want to deal with me so im getting help. maybe i dont love myself but i love him and i dont want to hurt him because of my mental health. well, i want to fix everything except my ed rn. i need to get skinny first and then i can go and recover. people always tell me that im stupid for thinking that way but i think its a great plan. why? you might ask. well, you see, im extremely overweight and on the verge of being obese, if i manage to lose weight and potentially almost become underweight and then go to recovery i might gain some of it back but i still wont be as fat as i am now. if i go to recovery now and im stil overweight and start eating so much again ill probably gain everything back and become obese. idk does that make sense? it makes sense to me. ive gotta say it tho, living alone is amazing. i can go a whole day without eating and i dont have to hide it, theres no one here to see it and i love it. its hard with my boyfriend around but thank god we almost always eat healthy. studying is killing me atm tho, theres waaay too much to do now but at least i distract myself from eating this way. when im stressed i also get nauseous.. my only problem is excercise, i hate it, but i have to start working out. today ill try to go for a run. my boyfriend wants to lose weight too and its scaring me bc hes a skinny white boy and im fat. im also a little bit taller so i feel humongous around him already, if he becomes anymore skinnier im gonna dieeeee. i need to catch up to him. god this is all going on my nerves smh. ill try to write here more often now, i noticed that writing makes me more motivated and when i write here what i want to do i feel like i actually have to do it or else i have lied to you and i dont lie. so ill go for a run today, see you tomorrow loves. stay safe, recover

[lightskinnedguy-blog]

The Imitation Game

I just finished watching the movie "The Imitation Game." It's a wonderful film and well done. It was rather introspective for me or at least I saw I thought about several moments of the film and reflected upon them. Right, so the imitation game. In the film, they break an unbreakable encryption method and help win WWII. This is a true story. After breaking the code, the allies had to pretend as if they hadn't broken the code in order to convince the Germans that they hadn't. So they chose which messages to act on and which to not. I found this incredibly interesting, but I also thought about me and how I handle life. In some ways, I participate in an imitation game. I have created a well manicured image and continue to curate it through social media and my actions. However, the truth is hiding beneath it all. The Germans chose to encrypt their messages and appearance because they knew people cared. I've done it because I don't think that people would care about my truth and who I am. I have been built up through family as a "chosen one" of sorts. I feel very much that I have to buy into that image. I feel that I meed to focus on doing incredible things and being incredible. I obsess over my performance and my ability in things. I worked tirelessly on my previous job because I wanted to be the best. I worked weekends to do it and to show my commitment and to get things done and incredible pace. I lived in that image for a very long time and to a certain extent, still do. The interesting thing happens when someone is not only able to break through your image, but also cares about what lies underneath. When someone looks at you, and just knows everything and then they smile. That is something. When you spend time being infallible and incredibly successful and someone sees through it all and is more happy with what they found underneath than the facade. I am not able to aptly articulate that sensation. Not only that though. I start thinking that maybe what I'm trying to live up to is unobtainable. Or that even obtaining it isn't really something I should aspire to do. Life is a fixed set of time. I've worked hard to do what I think is maximize the time I have here. The ways I've tried to do that have been wrong. I don't feel anymore invigorated or joyed. I feel constant stress and pressure and am in a perpetual state of discontent that I'm not doing enough. I went to an old college roommates new house to have dinner with him and his wife. I walked in and he opened the door via a blue tooth lock system that works through his phone. He was super pumped to use it. He and his wife laughed and a conversation started about that. So simple. Conversation flowed easily. They were so happy. Yeah he was looking for a new job so he wouldn't have to travel so much but they were so happy. I was happy being there. I dont like their suburban living situation, but their home felt warm and full of love and simple. They had for all purposes made it. They have done what everyone tries to do , to make it. They were happy. Now granted, they will continue to grow together and learn and do new interesting things, but they have each other. Maybe that is what life is about. Maybe it isn't about the number of degrees, size of your raise, articles published. Maybe it's literally about finding someone to experience and grow with. The person you definitely want to experience and grow with is the person that sees the real you and smiles. She smiled. Past tense. That was before I put another image in front of her. Intentional acts of idiocy. That is what my imitation and my facade was. Idiotic. She saw me and smiled, what more could I want? What more could I need? As long as she sees me and smiles, everything else is folly. It all falls away. She has my heart. Not only does she have my heart, she has something that is far more valuable to me. She has my mind. In that, she has all of me. All of the good and the bad. All of my triumphs and achievements and failures. She has all the wonderful decisions and terrible mistakes. I've made plenty of both. She has them all. She has all of me. There are no more games. There is no more curated image for her. I'm going to be me wholly and honestly like I was when she broke through my wall. No distance is impossible when I feel such connection. This feeling doesn't fade. This feeling doesn't age like milk. This feeling ages like wine, becoming more refined, more direct, more clear, more nuanced, more rich. I don't think my thoughts that I've just written necessarily relate to the movie any more. It sparked thoughts and emotions. I simply channeled them here. Gah. Her smile.