#i dont know how to feel about it but i am extremely broke rn so i would be lying if i said i wasn't considering it

[idyllias]

Breaking Bad but it's a smart but broke college student from a conservative Christian household who has a gift for baking and somehow can make the strongest edibles without them tasting like they have weed in them

[fates-theysband]

💖 have you ever been in love? are you in love rn?

🌹 what do you think are the most romantic flowers other than roses?

🍫 do you have a favorite chocolate or sweet?💗 how do you show you care? what do people do that makes you feel loved?

🕊 what do you think about marriage? how would you like to be proposed to?

🍰 what’s your favorite dessert to eat? do you have a favorite to make?💘 you would fall in love with someone who…

⚘💝💕

💫 do you get crushes easily? what makes you fall for someone?

🍓 what are you doing for valentine’s day? do you have any self care plans?

🍦 what are ten things you love about youself?

❣ red, pink, or purple? glitter or sequins? silk or velvet?

readmore for long

💖 have you ever been in love? are you in love rn?

i have been before! until...coming up on a year ago i was in a relationship (we broke it off, we just weren't compatible anymore). right now i am extremely taking it easy on irl romantic stuff. sort of a romantic gap year while i figure stuff out. i honestly am probably arospec in a real-life context.

🌹 what do you think are the most romantic flowers other than roses?

not to sound like a 2012 tumblr girlie (<- technically is a 2012 tumblr girlie) but sunflowers

🍫 do you have a favorite chocolate or sweet?

i love truffles so much. i've eaten two bags of them since february began.

💗 how do you show you care? what do people do that makes you feel loved?

i am a big physical affection person and also i just like...doing things for people. like YES i will watch your dog YES i will run to the store for you YES i will spot you some cash so you can eat after rent hits

i also feel super loved by just like...being known. i mentioned before that my bil sends me every tbh creature meme he finds. my brother sends me tma memes. my friends will send me everything related to cephalopods and skeletons they find. even my mom, as fraught as my relationship with her is, will send me things related to movies or bands she knows i like.

🕊 what do you think about marriage? how would you like to be proposed to?

my view on marriage is, at this current point in my life, similar to that of ms. whoopi goldberg: i don't want somebody in my house

seriously though...hghhh the thought stresses me out. commitment scary. if i actually did get to that point with someone i would NOT want a big showy proposal. nobody fucking look at me. take me somewhere romantic and/or significant to our relationship and propose to me there.

🍰 what’s your favorite dessert to eat? do you have a favorite to make?

i love love love cheesecake!!! i found frozen japanese-style cheesecakes at costco once (they're not at my location anymore but i still have one in my freezer) and those are fantastic. i like making various types of bread. my mom swears by my lemon bread but im not impressed with it and i think i do a better job with pumpkin bread (had a family friend polish off an entire loaf of it in like, two hours once).

💘 you would fall in love with someone who…

uh...i dont think i have a good answer for this one. not a huge amount of experience playing the field here.

⚘ what’s your have a type?

i super don't have one lol im a romantic wildcard. you don't know what i'm gonna do next and neither do i!

💝 what gift would you like to receive? what type do you like to give?

i can answer the ones i like giving more readily so ill start there. i like coming up with gifts i feel are practical based on the person's hobbies or interests or that remind me of them.

i really like getting handmade gifts. like my best friend is a very crafty person so she makes gifts for basically every occasion. and my bil made me those spell bottles i mentioned earlier. which reminds me, i gotta text him for the directions.

💕 vague about your crush or paterner?

well in an irl context i am the most single of pringles rn. How Ever...i sure do wish A CERTAIN SOMEONE was real right now so i could kiss him. on the mouth.

💫 do you get crushes easily? what makes you fall for someone?

i super do not. i have a long-held fantasy of feeling comfortable infodumping to someone who was genuinely interested in what i had to say so the day i can unleash the madness to the full extent it's over.

🍓 what are you doing for valentine’s day? do you have any self care plans?

the answer to "what are you doing for valentine's day" is currently "probably my laundry 😔" bc that's an hour and a half round trip so it's an all day deal. the day before (since that's the common day off between me and my friends) i'm gonna go see my buddies and eat pizza and play some viddy games though.

🍦 what are ten things you love about youself?

i do think im like, actually funny and witty

i'm actually starting to like my writing.

i have fucking impeccable fashion sense.

i am starting to realize that oh, yeah, i can be cute.

i'm starting to grow a spine??? what the fuck??? new development but welcome

i do think i have a nice voice.

i hate myself a lot less than i did when i was younger

i used to like, wonder if i would ever be emotionally mature enough to be a person but i think i actually have been all along.

i like. believe myself now when i say i'm doing everything i can to be a good person and put good things into the world.

my taste in music is also impeccable.

❣ red, pink, or purple? glitter or sequins? silk or velvet?

Ourple, sequins especially if they're the flippy ones, i like both silk and velvet but if my nails accidentally graze against silk the wrong way i explode so velvet

[primroses-n-deadleaves]

i dont have anyone to talk to rn, not out of anything bad theyre just busy and also have their own issues and so on; its okay still it leaves me wondering what went wrong? i only have two ppl that i can rlly talk to like both socialize and also to the extremes of venting, i try to help them too but im not rlly good at it, and so, whenever theyre missing or busy, i feel very alone, which is funny becuz im quite fortunate to have a semi active group on discord with cool ppl but instead of trying to get rid of my loneliness ig i jus self isolate idek whats wrong with me now, all the bad stressful stuff passed, for now,, mom was angry cuz my room got infested with termites, she got rid of them and i was left with the task of cleaning the stain,; and i jus discovered theres more termites to my side that went unnoticed by mom and that are eating the table and chair,; she doenst know of that yet thou so i can handle but i havent, the weekend approaches which is when well be doing all of this, i could try to take care of it before saturday before she notices and gets even more angry at me but here i am writing instead.

i feel very useless, my car is still at the repair shop so i can go out and buy the insecticide i need to get rid of the termitees, its at the repair shop cuz i let it break,, when it broke i called mom and she was at work so she asked me if i had any friends that could come and help me, all my friends are little ppl on my phone stuck to the other side of screen,; she had to call her friend which i was lucky that he was available and came to help me i felt very alone and useless and without any friends theres only so much online friends can do and i dont blame them, im also an online friend to them and i cant rlly do much for them either; that said, i rlly want irl friends.... but those "friends" i, stupid highschool drama ruined all my friendships its been 4 years and im still suffering the consequences of it; and also i rlly miss them, even if they were shitty and used me i still miss them;; maybe if i had acted like nothing id probably still be used sure but maybe i wouldve had someone to call when my car broke down

also im unemployed, with a gambling addiction of all things,, ive been thinking of getting a cheaper addiction- well, cheaper in the long run, something like smoking, not drinking, drinking is a bit expensive and my family from dad's side has a history of alcoholism,, so smoking or vaping, ruin my lungs,, im pretty sure a pack of cigarettes is cheaper than putting 100 into gacha games; why not look for a job? great question, i have, maybe not hard enough but im a bit too depressed if u cant tell by the writing; ive also tried to do online job but its rlly taxing to do a lot of work making vids and such to see no profit and ik ik it comes with time but i dont have time i need money now the funniest part is that i tried to apply for military jobs yknow the army and even those have rejected me, yes im overweight according to bmi, thats all they needed to disqualify me,; so instead i spend my time leeching money of mom, i feel very guilty, im a horrible child,, i sobbed when i was getting my meds and it ended up costing 30 bucks to buy becuz i sent it to a damn walgreens instead of a local pharmacy that accepts my insurance, i lost my meds and i could get refill but itll end up costing until i change the location which i cant change until my next visit

i wanted to kill myself when mom told me i could be working rn and that she was right, i could be working rn but instead i was laying on the bed which isnt even mine becuz i sleep on my sisters room taht has ac

the feeling had dissipated for a moment, well, it left when i repressed my feelings, which writing about it makes me confront those feelings so the suicidal ideation is back; in moments like this i think about one certain episode of fairly odd parents, yknow the one where timmy sees how the world would be if he never existed and sees that everyone around him is doing better without him? i dont remember the ending, i just think about it and think im better off dead, literally, i bring no good to the world

if u happen to stumble upon this, dw, i have a strangely strong will to live, last time i rlly tried to kill myself and acted, i called the hotline, which took me to the hospital where i was fortunate its a good hospital and got treated nicely,; bottom line is, and i quite hate this part of myself, ill live,; this stupid survival instict is strong enough to keep me from dying, i rlly hope it wasnt , life honestly isnt worth living,, the world is a shit place

[charnelhouse]

Ummm since you answered an ask abot HoTD can I please ask something too? Lol please dont make fun of me okay😢

So I just binge watched till episode 8 yesterday and then I came over here, and I am seeing extreme amount of hate for team green on the fandom, but rn I specifically wanted to ask about Ser Criston Cole. Don't get me wrong I do not like him but I was wondering, if the genders were reversed, if a female guard broke her oath to be with a prince, and then later on the prince refused to marry her because he wanted the throne more, he offered that he could marry someone else while still continuing the relationship, this the guard didn't take well and swore revenge. I feel like in this case ppl will be cheering her, like go girl, show him. I personally do not like Criston mostly because of how he was bullying luke and jace.

Am I wrong? Lol am I thinking too much into it and being naive again?

This is an interesting thought! First and foremost, never feel like you’re being naive when you’re asking a question. Everyone reacts differently to certain things and it’s all subjective.

Do I think people would be like YAS QUEEN if a female knight acted like Ser Cristan Cole? I actually don’t.

It would certainly be a different sort of power dynamic, but that’s another story. I think we’d only get behind a female Cole if she maybe ignored a male Rhaenyra post-sex and kind of stood by her convictions and was like okay we slept together and you don’t want this to be serious so bye! Maybe, she gets some other dick/vag. But if she acted the way Cole does - aka murder/abuse others bc they’re so deeply insecure about this mistake then I don’t think anyone would support them.

Rhaenyra never promised Cole shit. She wanted to get laid and, for him, it meant more. It was a miscommunication and once the deed was done, Criston suddenly felt all this crazy guilt for ruining his vows over a one-night stand (maybe they did it more idk). She was even apologetic when she realized how upset he was. She was just taking Daemon’s advice and not really thinking of the consequences and that's on her, but she was a hormonal teenage girl. Maybe, she didn’t realize that Cole genuinely had feelings for her. Who knows? 

IDK how utterly out of touch Cole had to be to think that Rhaenyra would give up the crown to go plant trees and milk cows in some distant country. Cole knew Rhaenyra. He’d been her personal knight for years and you’d think he would have understood that Rhaenyra’s main goal was to keep her throne.

Then, he just goes off. 

He 100% overreacts. He sides with the team who wants to take Rhaenyra down. He KILLS Laenor’s lover just bc the lover is aware of Criston’s discretion. It’s been ten damn years and he’s still bitching about her and calling her names. He’s terrible to her children and instigates the fight that dooms Harwin. He’s so jealous and it’s pathetic. I had sympathy for him up until he kills Laenor's lover and then it was like dude - seek help. 

At the end of the day, all Rhaenyra did was sleep with him.

[seblore]

everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍����‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands 😳 JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟��� SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

[daenyara]

@trashpanda-barnes reblogged your post and added: ““Back Where I Belong” - Braime”

I’m about to absolutely mcfreaking perish, I KNOW it i Can FEEL it, here we go!

“I’m back.” Jaime raises his arms, smiling softly. aaand he has me crying from the first line ITSELF!

“ I ended the war, just so I could get back to you. “ YES YES tHAT’S THE JAIME I KNOW AND LOVE AND TRUST!!!

“ “Because you believed I was a good man,” he murmurs, feeling his own breath shuddering. “ YOU will singlehandedly save me from annihilation, I can feel myself falling apart as if this were real because I would take it, I would take it hook line and sinker!!

“ “I wish I were, for you. I wish the Gods hadn’t made me the monster that I am,” “ Oh jaime you are not a monster, you’re just an idiot with an invincible self-hatred and we love you forever :(((

“He left without knowing if he was coming back and making her hate him seemed like the easier way. At least she would’ve been happier knowing that the man who had broken her heart was dead. “ hey RO im about to FLIPPING CRY this is making me EXTREMELY emotional, like this is SO so in line with Jaime, it breaks my fucking HEART

“ “Let the gods condemn us, let them cast their curses, I don’t care.” this is the most METAL declaration of love I have ever read, nothing I ever read will EVER top this, HOLY SHIIIIT Ro ngdkbngdfh

Jaime is gazing at her in disbelief. “I betrayed you,” he says with a frown, but she doesn’t have it.“You betrayed yourself.” I dont even have words anymore I’m crying im dying i want this SO SO BAD!!!

Jaime scoffs, incredulous, the salty taste of tears in his mouth. “I broke your heart.”She doesn’t have an answer for that. “You did.” Brienne glances at her feet, and when she looks at him once again sorrow and love are melting in her eyes, making them burn with golden and black flames. “But you still haven’t fulfilled your oath.” You took an Oath Jaime, keep it. Keep it you absolutely self-hating bad-decisions taking man, for once do something good for yourself!! Something that makes you happy!

I cant even BEGIN to say how cathartic reading this was!! thank you so so much, Ro I truly feel like rn I owe you my life!! <3333

how is it that you ALWAYS manage to take something I wrote and make it 1000000 times better?????????????? like,,,,, shay, you’re the Brienne to my Jaime and that’s what’s up uwu

[kazmorosov]

|| bill skarsgard, cismale, he/him || ( kazaran morozov ) is a ( 25 ) year old ( senior ) at rockport university studying ( business + literature [TA] ). people say they are ( ardent ) but also ( stoic ), and remind others of ( coffee rings on crisp paper, losing their sense of reality, hushed arguments ). bet they sure didn’t expect anyone to know about ( his plagiarizing to succeed and honor his terminally ill mother he killed ) but someone does, and ( kaz ) better cooperate if they plan to keep their lives. || james, 20, EST ||

hi i’m so sorry this took a long ass time to put out but im herE lmao here’s my baby

tw; murder, addiction/substance abuse, abuse mentions,

gen. info:

full name: kazaran nikolai morozov

nickname(s): kaz

b.o.d.: december 14th

label(s): the escapist, the academic, the fallen, the philanthropist, etc.

height: 6′4″

hometown: bangor, maine

sexuality: str...aigh...t ? question mark ?

biography:

born to a self-made businessman and a philanthropist with a penchant for odd names

his father’s a russian who moved to the u.s. in his childhood who still has many...unique, ties, to the country though none of those are important

his business involves military equipment and he works closely with the u.s.’s military (ahsdfghk conspiracies ?)

and his mother was a plain jane (literally--her name was jane) from a family of politicians; his uncle’s a senator

kaz is the eldest out of seven children (christ) and yes all of their names are just as excessive as ‘kazaran’

grew up with the pressure of the ‘golden child’ title; kaz had to be perfect at everything he did, from his grades to after school activities to manners and presentment

was always expected to follow in his father’s footsteps and like ?? partner with him once he was old enough? 

which is fine and grand except kaz had never given a shit about his father’s business; his real passion had always been for the arts, particularly literature and even more particularly poetry

he found that the arts was probably the most...free, kaz could get, without actively rebelling against his father

b/c god . . . his father is a force to be reckon’d w/

very strict man, likes to be in control constantly, not the...best, emotionally towards his family. or verbally. sometimes physically. y’know.

this really only...amplified, kaz’s perfectionist attitude. it was mostly out of fear of repercussions than much else

kaz has, however, always loved his mother.

jane is the opposite of their father, a woman who loves the world and everybody in it with this...heart of gold, and best intentions in mind

the only problem was that she was horribly submissive to her husband

aNYWAys okay, kaz grew up fairly unscathed but only because he was so...conformist, y’know?

loves his siblings and would die for them, but god--he’d have to side with his father just for his own sake, which definitely strained his relationship with a few of ‘em

AnywAys again; was pretty well-known in his high school

for being like, intimidatingly tall but also was fairly popular? star of the track team, student gov president, in DECA or whatever.

went to rockport just because it wasn’t...too far from home, and partially because he wasn’t allowed to go out of state.

and he was fine w/ it, man

his mother got sick his freshmen year, however, it wasn’t...horrible, at first

it was concerning, yes, but the doctors said she was going to be fine

jane was pretty...adamant about not letting her condition effect her children, too, so she acted as if she was fine

kaz, being a dumbass, was like alright fine this is fine and went on w/ life

sophomore year he met his soulmate; a future veterinarian named freya

n i mean he just...fell for her immediately, y’know ?? n ig she felt similar enough b/c they started dating immediately

it was really...good, for him; especially as his mother’s heath had suddenly taken a turn for the worst

kaz wound up taking two years off of school to care for his mother; his father was gone more often than not, and he felt as if his younger siblings shouldn’t have been burdened with the task

and well...jane never got better, only worse

it was at the point where the doctors had sent her home, knowing that nothing else could be done--she was confined to her bed, and miserable. in pain, really.

one...day, as kaz was tending to jane, she broke down. i mean, just, a full on emotional breakdown, a complete episode, begging him to just...put her out of her misery.

and, god, kaz had never disobeyed his parents (minus his studies in literature but y’knw what. . . not important rn) but that was so ?? morally ?? conflicting ??

they cried together for a long time until y’know. deciding what to do.

as soon as she had fallen asleep, kaz put a pillow to her.

he was never...caught, tho that may have involved some bribery on his father’s end who knows

the day after the funeral, kaz proposed to freya and she agreed.

and it really should’ve been fine if kaz’s mental health didn’t rapidly deteriorate like...he was not handling it well

freya helped, yes, but she could only do so much

turned to drugs, particularly painkillers after a minor car crash and just...a mix of shit, y’know.

probably stole drugs from his fiance’s job tbh

got on antidepressants, which only worsened his shit b/c he started ?? occasionally hallucinating his dead mother ??

his creativity had also just. shat on itself. he couldn’t write, no matter how hard he tried

his mother had really wanted him to pursue his dreams, and god, he was too far in his degree to drop literature

so he started....plagiarizing, his works, b/c kaz is a whole ass idiot. but he hasn’t gotten caught yet, somehow

his fiance thought the cruise program would be a great way for kaz to possibly, recover, since she could see how bad he was doing so he weNt because of her

also yes at this point he had gone back to school; had even gotten a TA position because he used to be...one of the best in his class, y’know ?

anyways yeah im paraphrasing this all horribly but idc u get the point

drug addict, mercy-killed his mother, loves his fiancee, tortured soul, y’know all that

personality:

likes to pretend he’s much calmer than he actually is, y’know

likes the whole aloof and distant thing b/c it’s already so easy for him to be intimidating

he can b a lil snarky, a lil sarcastic, but he’s overall always been really well meaning?

can be extremely passionate about his hobbies, or his future wife, or really...anything he mildly likes, tho, y’know?

gOD is he always feeling so guilty, tho, it really weighs him down

but he’s also like...usually high, sometimes u can tell but more often than not u can’t ??

because he’s obsessed w/ seeming okay. and doing okay. and being that average dude next door, y’know?

he wants to be normal, to feel normal, but he’s got this wave of emotions crashing into his chest and he’s in sm pa i n constantly

like he’s got major anxiety but u won’t know unless u catch him in midst of a panic attack and like he’d rather die than somebody see that

probably journals as a way 2 like...cope, and keep himself calm

uuhh he’s like lowkey a huge softie. will cry at sad movies and won’t care tht he’s crying about it

takes teaching rly seriously but he’s also always concerned somebody’s going to figure out that he’s just. a fraud.

smart, with dumbass energy

like he just...sometimes doesn’t think ??

loves his fiancee a whole bunch but this distance thing is...sm harder than he thought it would be. she’s his anchor and he’s just ?? floating aimlessly now

but yeah he’s always acting like he’s okay, like he’s gucci.

uuuhhhh god i dont know what else to say tbh ?? he’s just. a mans. being a mans.

probably doesn’t sleep super often b/c not only is he a TA, but he’s got some mf nightmares man

wanted connections:

got a girl best friend but he needs a...dude best friend?

other friends in general, honestly

professors he’s got some sort of relationship with b/c he’s working for penelope rn

a flirty unrequited thing, where they keep tryn but kaz is like nO i am TAKEN look at this photo of my beAUTIFUL FIANCEE

ppl pissed at him for the grades he’s given them LMAO

people...concerned? for him?

bad mf influences who are like LET’S GET FUCKED UP

a dealer y’know. somebody on the ship who can give him what he wants which is a Lot

uuh let’s brainstorm together, bb

like srsly just. gimme a like, i’ll pop into ur dms w/ my messy tall son and be like let’s fuck him up !

[unheavenlycreatures]

Mmmmmmmm 13 47 48 51 62 63 95. U don’t have to do them all if u don’t feel like it lol

no I'm gonna do all of them shut

13) Favorite Love Hotel Scene

Imma keep it real w u chief I just watched a playthrough bc im broke so I only watched a few love hotel scenes but from the ones that I saw

I liked Kaito's love hotel scene honestly

and I'm not just saying that as a Kaito stan--like I genuinely thought it was such a good way to handle a. well. Love Hotel Scene without it getting uncomfortable like w Kiyo''s scene salt

47) A character you think deserved better?

ooh. ooh. man. there's a lot. I could make a bulleted list

I feel like Korekiyo deserved better from the writers. smh kodaka did him so dirty I will be forever pissed off about that shit. you know what I mean. he was so cool and apparently in his beta design he was supposed to be nb but no they had to go with the sisterfucker subplot instead I'm so mad rn

also motherfucking GONTA AND MIU I'M FUCKING. I CRY EVERY TIME PAL. I CAN'T HANDLE THAT FOURTH GODDAMN TRIAL. I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT. FUCK

48) A character you thought you would dislike but liked in the end?

Fukawa! I really thought I was gonna hate her bc of how hostile she was but like. yknow what? fair. fair.

51) Which character should have survived in your opinion?

MOTHERFUCKING KIIBO

62) A character you can relate to?

Celes. Like damn. willing to kill 2 people just for the aesthetic. I can dig it, girl. I can dig it

Also, Shuichi bc i too am a nervous bisexual that is always wearing a hat and wears too much eyeliner. I understand buddy

63) A character you relate to but hate anyways?

I dont really hate komaeda but. like. I hate that I relate to him lmao

like, fucks up everything? check. relentlessly gay? check. extremely powerful bottom energy? check. never fucking shuts up? check. chops off a fucking limb for a pretty girl? check, babey!!

like, he really is that bitch and highkey? mood

95) Your favorite OTP

hehe uh

I've got a lot, so I'll just list my top favs

I highkey ship the entirety of the sdr2 cast together (except he who shall not be named, he died and then Monokuma decided he doesn't care anymore and lets everyone else just hang out on the island) except for hiyoko and koizumi who are only in lesbians w each other and that's okay everyone supports them and thinks they're great!

I also really like naegiri (highkey the only het ship I stan), ishimondo, and like. saihara and kaito both w each other and w anyone else in the ndrv3 class tbh they're so shippable

[vulture-jack]

I always feel like my response to trauma is like. too lukewarm for other people to take seriously? like idk how to explain it. 

Talking about trauma and death under the cut

I have SYMPTOMS of ptsd but I dont have ENOUGH symptoms. Or my symptoms arent strong enough.  

I had recurring nightmares about the event and sometimes still do but not as often. I don’t experience flashbacks or panic attacks or intense reactions to things I associate with my trauma. Just mild distress and discomfort. I never feel as if the event is reoccurring (its kind of impossible because it was the death of a specific person but I do often fear that someone I care about might die or is in danger) 

I have emotional numbness. 

I am extremely protective though. Like. at once I have a hard time getting close to people especially if i perceive that person as vulnerable and that I might potentially lose them. My brain shuts off emotion when I experience new trauma and doesn’t let me feel it. I feel like every death I experienced after my moms made me more and more numb and reinforced the the reaction of shutting off emotion as like. A survival tactic.  

I feel like I’m always preparing to lose people and unsure whether this time is just going to make me even more numb, or finally break me to pieces. I’m scared of breaking to pieces.  I’m scared of becoming more numb. Loving people feels dangerous. Life has only proven to my mind that it is. I didn’t cry when my nana woke me up to tell me that she thought my grandfather was dead. I just calmly checked, confirmed he had died, and told her to sit down while I called 911. I didn’t cry until the funeral. And I cried mostly because people I cared about were sad. 

Sometimes I forget my mom died. sometimes this manifests as forgetting that she is dead, and sometimes its struggling to remind myself that she even existed in the first place. my brain doesnt want to think about it. Its too much. That really happened? how could that happen? thats so terrible. How could that have happened to me. Its impossible. 

Seeing people who are very sick with cancer distresses me a lot. I don’t experience flashbacks or intense attacks that people can see from the outside. But seeing a frail person with no hair in a hospital gown, especially if its a woman, is really the most...like. Obviously distressing thing. 

Ive always been jumpy about phone calls but now every time im at lest a little prepared for it to be “someone died”. Like I’m waiting to hear my grandmother start sobbing and tell me that my father or sister died. 

Most of this is internal.  Like. I think mostly people just notice that I’m over protective and it probably comes across as annoying. Be careful, wear your seat belt, dad get away from that ledge you can admire the waterfall from back here, did you go to the doctor this year, text me and let me know youre ok, etc. 

Often my brain interprets laughter as hysterical sobbing.  Ill hear a thump and jump out of bed and run halfway downstairs to make sure my grandmother didnt fall like that one time she fell down the stairs and broke her leg. 

Since the numbness set in ive made very few friends and even fewer close friends. (About one in the last 5 or 6 years) and those friends absolutely have to approach me and make themselves a part of my life. And even still I dont feel the fullness in my heart that I used to. Loving people is scary and dangerous and I’m just...waiting to lose one of them. 

It sounds dorky as fuck but like. Idk how to love again. Idk how to live again. Idk how to properly balance knowing that life CAN hurt me without wearing heavy armor. I’m scared that when I do feel again its all gonna hit me like a freight train and im gonna crash and burn harder than ever. its just. a lot. i cant really afford a therapist rn either. everything is just. difficult. I’m functioning just enough to seem lazy.  I seem fine but I’m only barely ok. Like my stability is built on toothpicks and bubblegum but to everyone else all they see is that im stable. 

[tayegi]

i have so many theories right now...what if the guys are just trying to win a bet set on the oc? or maybe jk just doesn’t realize he likes the oc and mistakes his own actions as platonic ones? also, as readers, we see the story through the oc’s eyes so we focus on that angst part at the end of chap9, but then again, the oc has stated multiple times to hoseok and so many people that her and jk would never be more. whatever she went trough there, jk could have been trough the same a million times.

ahhhh you guys are the best!!! srsly i am so honored to have so many thoughtful, lovely, incredible asks theorizing about the plot and what jk’s intentions are!!! i would love to respond to each and every one of them, but unfortunately, i am unable to confirm or deny anything!

But i think these are super interesting and i’ve read all of them, and i’d love it if other ppl did as well! MORE ASKS UNDER THE CUT: 

Anonymous said:I know Hoseok wasn’t in this chapter but I feel like Hoseok is gonna play her like jk did and she’s gonna be left in the dust with no one and resort to being even more icy. Jungkook has a lot of problems and it’s really evident that he likes her in that way. Fuckbois are really something else man. They get scared of affection yet lead girls on and make them scared of it. It’s like a constant cycle of insecurity. Damn I wish she was with jimin. He would’ve provided all the love and affection

Anonymous said:lmao why is everyone assuming jk will never change and that he’s going to be an Evil Fuckboi™️ forever. like, we can see how the oc changed throughout the story, so why y’all thinking jk can’t do the same. the story isn’t over, there is more to learn, and the oc and jk have more development to go through. anyway, deep in my heart I’m hoping they’ll get a happy ending 💜

Anonymous said:Why do I get the feeling that Jungkook has slight romantic feelings towards the oc but his fear of not wanting to get hurt outweighs those thoughts. I don’t know though I might be completely off����Thank you for the update!

Anonymous said:I tried reading the story in JK's POV and I cant help but feel as if he isnt the one at fault for making OC cry. Yes, he rejected her but he's known as a fkboy. He stated clearly that he didn't want a relationship, he thought OC knew that clearly. Thus he thought they were just friends. All the things he said was misinterpreted into a romantic way cause people kept forcing OC to view their relationship romantically. I felt that if ppl didnt do that, OC wldnt have developed feelings for him.

carlyangel123 said:Ok everyone is saying that Jungkook hasn't changed at all and I'm not saying like oh yall wrong or anything😂. But I think, based on Jungkook's showcase of clinginess and affectionate actions through the past chapters, that he HAS fallen for the OC. However, bc of his past (not wanting to go through another possible heartbreak), his assumption the OC would never like him, and just maybe insecurities that he's denying it and forcing himself to be indifferent like the OC did in the beginning.🤔🤔

Anonymous said:Nah nah nah nah lu i refuse to believe that everything jungkook did was all platonic but through oc’s eyes we saw as romantic. Im trying to remember everything he’s done for her and trying to see it from a platonic pov but i cant. So here’s my conclusion: jk likes oc but during the car ride and seeing his hand in hers he had a realization and became fearful of being hurt like he was before. Thats why he put his barriers up again CUZ LIKE HOW COULD THAT BE THE SAME JK I JUST ALDJSKAHALA

Anonymous said:Jin was an ass who only wanted sex, cheated on y/n and didn't care for her, many people think that Jk may've gone through something similar with his ex, but I think JK's ex was totally different, she was in fact... the opposite. Possessive, wanted to be with jk all the time, didn't let him breath, etc... That's why he doesn't want a relationship, he suffered the opposite extreme of what the oc suffered with jin, also this would mean the oc is the complete opposite to jk's ex aka why he likes her

Anonymous said:i’m analyzing NR again and just a theory of my own: jk’s relationship with his ex girlfriend started as a fwb type and jk was the one to develop feelings first, and at first it was good and then severely went downhill? this theory is probably far from correct, but i was just piecing together the fact that he hates hookup culture, but is able to engage in it with OC, maybe jk just wanted the physical emotion or OC reminds jk of his ex? anyways i’m enjoying the story so so much! best wishes lu 💜

Anonymous said:Wait so like OC got reminded of Jin when she met JK, so I thought that maybe JK saw himself in OC? Bc sometimes they REALLY think alike.. Idk man I just had this idea.. I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH LU HAVE A NICE DAYYYY–❄️🐰

Anonymous said:I've been thinking about oc's relationship with seokjin and jk's with his ex gf. We don't know anything about her except two things: the oc reminded jk of her (as jk reminded her of seokjin) and the "don't leave me like she did" he said while drunk. If seokjin helped oc build who she is and what she wants in a relationship, we could say that maybe jk wants something that lacked in his previous relationship, like emotional support or a caring hand. It matches oc's Ice Queen reputation a bit to me

Anonymous said:Omg jks roues are definitely along the lines of “dont fall for anyone”

Anonymous said:so like, i feel as tho hyejin plays a more important role than we’re realizing. why does she seem so obsessed with jk if everyone knows he’s a fuckboy who doesn’t do relationships? why does she think she’s different? why does she think she has a chance? unless they already have a history we don’t know about...?? 🤔

Anonymous said:Personally, I wasn‘t that surprised about Jungkook not feeling the same way as OC. I don‘t blame him, he was honest from the very beginning with her. At the same time, I cannot blame OC either for feeling the way she does. Hookup culture leads you to believe that the person you‘re sleeping with should not care for you. I assume that OC interpreted the signals from JK in the wrong way, and thought he might love her when, in reality, he does care about her, but not in the way she wants. (1) ☀️

Anonymous said:JK has found smn he can talk to, and share smth else beyond sex. At the very end, I think OC might be the one who will push him outside his shell but not necessarily be the one he will fall in love with. (2)☀️

Anonymous said:I feel like oc and Jungkook might be on the same wavelength but because Jungkook clearly hasn’t gotten over his ex and whatever happened he might be pushing oc away. Plus the fact he even wants to stay friends with her is quite sweet in itself. It shows he genuinely cares about her, but probably isn’t ready to have any sort of relationship. You haven’t mentioned him having any female friends either so all of that skinship he does with oc might just be his way of being friendly??

Anonymous said:I feel like Jungkook is not over his ex and maybe he will end up with her, maybe he really does like the OC for the sex and the friendship. That's all.

Anonymous said:What if JK still likes his ex? :O

Anonymous said:Hummm sometimes I feel like in the end they're just going to be experiences for each other. I mean the OC and JK, maybe they will have none relationship at all, not friendship nor fuck buddies nor bf and gf...

dodoesdidwill said:Hyejin's line "You are really good at skating. I'm amazed" what? No way he was practicing after OC took him to skate, right? There must be something we don't know yet...

Anonymous said:Ok, if "New Rules" has taught me anything, it's to NOT judge a book by its covers. I judged Mijoo too harshly & things weren't as they seemed. Not repeating the same mistake with Kook. He was obviously hurt by someone in the past, just like the OC. Sooo... Maybe OC is not the only one with new rules? Maybe Kook was so hurt, one of his rules is to not fall in love again, or to ever put himself in a vulnerable position to be hurt again? Idk but I don't think he's that much of a dickwad

Anonymous said:Okay, so you said that we've been seeing JK through the OC's perspective and that we need to sort through the facts and her assumptions. What the anon who talked about JK having FWBs for the intimacy said really made sense to me and I thought about the fact that, if my memory serves me correctly, we've only seen JK with the OC. We have no way of knowing how he's acted in other FWB relationships. Maybe this is how he's been with all of them??? I dunno.

Anonymous said:i think new rules! jk likes OC too. this thing going on between them isn't just platonic. but the problem is, he really doesn't want to invest in a relationship, as some sort of defense mechanism (kind of like repression maybe?) i can't wait to find out more about his past and see exactly how it's correlating with his actions rn. I'm super hooked in your story lu! you never fail to deliver as always 💜

Anonymous said:I think jk is just as scared of what he feels for oc as oc is scared of what she feels for jk. Like I think oc already went through a ‘I need to protect myself from my feelings for him’ phase and I think jk is going through that now after their time at the hotel. I think he realized that he likes her a lot more than he realized and after coming back he’s trying to shut his feelings so he doesn’t go through whatever happened with his ex again

Anonymous said:JK said he hated hookup culture yet he partakes in it. My theory is that he might've done the same as OC has now done. Maybe had a sort of fwb relationship with his ex and subsequently fell for them, and they broke his heart. But again, idk if that's enough for someone to want to abstain from romantic relationships forever, though it does depend on the person. I'm probably wayyyy off but it's worth a shot :')

[ahmuteun]

1-60 pls :)

1. selfie

nah

2. what would you name your future kids?

idk man, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there

3. do you miss anyone?

yeah i do

4. what are you looking forward to?

drinking tonight, if that’s still happening

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

i guess?? 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

im the wrong person to ask this to lol

7. what was your life like last year?

a hot fucking mess lmao but it was a fun and happy hot mess

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

yeah but i havent done it in a while

9. who did you last see in person?

nikko

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

not a clue tbh

11. are you listening to music right now?

nah, im listening to the h3 podcast

12. what is something you want right now?

HUMMUS 

13. how do you feel right now?

gross lmao

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

like fiveish hours ago

15. personality description

boring, dumb hoe lmao

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't?

im in the process of that rn LOL

17. opinion on insecurities.

everyone has them and they fuckin suck 

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?

ummmm no not necessarily. actually i’m pretty happy (generally speaking) with how things are now

19. have you ever been to New York?

yeah, i wanna go again

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

rich brian - history

yoon mirae - her whole gemini 2 album

apink - so sick

i have so many

21. age and birthday?

21 and may 29th

22. description of crush.

blehhhhhhhh

23. fear(s)

idk i dont have many fears

24. height

5′2

25. role model

i dont know lol 

26. idol(s)

i dont have any

27. things i hate

yakking cause of drinking 

expensive gas prices

feelings

tequila

boys being fucking dumb

extreme heat

28. i'll love you if...

u buy me sushi

pls buy me sushi

29. favourite film(s)

the prestige

star wars

indiana jones

marvel movies

idk theres more but these are the ones that come to mind

30. favourite tv show(s)

brooklyn 99

criminal minds

how to get away with murder

greys anatomy

31. 3 random facts

im currently laying in bed

i should be doing productive things and not laying in bed

im sad that im all caught up with brooklyn 99 cause i love that show so much

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

guys

33. something you want to learn

how to not be a piece of fucking garbage

34. most embarrassing moment

i have so many idk

35. favourite subject

math lol

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

graduate

not be broke

pay off debt or die early

37. favourite actor/actress

idk man

38. favourite comedian(s)

bo burnham 

39. favourite sport(s)

i dont have any, i like watching my schools college sports tho. specifically football woooooo

40. favourite memory

idk i have many

41. relationship status

single 

42. favourite book(s)

to kill a mocking bird

the simpsons and their mathematical secrets 

43. favourite song ever

im too indecisive for this

44. age you get mistaken for

it ranges from 18-22 so

45. how you found out about your idol

welp

46. what my last text message says

the last one i recieved says “my kitchen smells like wine and idk why”

47. turn ons

being attractive 

making me laugh

can play guitar/ piano

suits/ ties/ bowties

48. turn offs

bad hygiene 

shitty personality

probably more but idk

49. where i want to be right now

drinking with my mates/ just hanging with them

50. favourite picture of your idol

n/a

51. starsign

gemini

52. something i'm talented at

................ 

i can eat spicy foods lol

53. 5 things that make me happy

my friends

family

my doggy

good wine

brooklyn 99

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

ripping off the bandaid 

55. tumblr friends

am i supposed to list them? i mean if we’ve ever had a convo i consider u a tumblr friend

56. favourite food(s)

KOREAN FOOD 

also sushi

57. favourite animal(s)

my doggo

58. description of my best friend

shorter than me, sweet, thoughtful, adorable, smiley, happy, looks out for me, over all wonderful person 

59. why i joined tumblr

fandoms and memes lol

60. ask me anything you want

welp lolol

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && carson

WHEN: january 25th-27th.

DESCRIPTION: the saga of carson and raelynn over the past few days - in text message form.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: angst, sex mention,  death mention

@carsonreyes

carson

uhhhh I think we should talk

raelynn.

who is this?

carson

it’s carson, raelynn.

raelynn.

idk what we have to talk about.

i haven't even seen you in idk how long.

carson

so then what’s the issue.

raelynn.

the same issue as before.

carson

then let’s talk

raelynn.

what's there to say that hasn't been said

carson

can’t we move past this

raelynn.

idk can you undo all the damage you left?

carson

can I try

raelynn.

You don't even know me anymore.

carson

then I’ll get to know you again

raelynn.

That's if I let you.

carson

you’re really just going to let us hate each other

we’ve both grown, cmon

raelynn.

i don't trust you.

carson

that’s valid

that’s why I’m trying to fix it

raelynn.

why now.

carson

I just got back

raelynn.

yeah but you always had my number, apparently

carson

actually

I had to ask for it

raelynn.

who gave it to you

carson

Uhm

next question

raelynn.

was it delilah.

carson

no

It was wessy

raelynn.

ew

whatever i can't be mad at him

carson

so

are you gonna let me get to know you again

raelynn.

do i have to decide today

carson

yes <3

raelynn.

that's not fair.

carson

neither is calling me out in the gc

raelynn.

you can't compare that to cheating on me for months and then dumping me for the other girl

carson

it wasn’t for months

and it wasn’t for some other girl

raelynn.

choose your words carefully bc if you say that i was the problem and the reason you cheated on me / broke up with me i'll block you.

carson

no I take full responsibility for the cheating and being a dick

raelynn.

yeah, and i was the last to know, and then you broke up with me and you were all over social media with that girl like days later.

carson

it wasn’t days

and you were the only one to know

raelynn.

you're right i think it maybe was only one day

carson

it was like a month

raelynn.

still too soon. still sus. still dated me and said you loved me and wanted to marry. me for 2 years.

carson

I did!

raelynn.

and you cheated on me, so none of that was real.

carson

I did really love you raelynn

raelynn.

you don't do that to someone you love.

you don't lie to them and make them look stupid

carson

I know I know

raelynn.

so did you just. stop the minute you decided you wanted to fuck her.

carson

no I was just stupid and not thinking

raelynn.

you really messed me up like permanently i'll never be who i was again.

carson

I’m so sorry

raelynn.

so do you get why it's not fair to ask me to decide today whether or not you can be in my life?

carson

oh cmon it was a joke

I wouldn’t actual expect that of you

raelynn.

i never know what to take seriously with you honestly

carson

I’ll wait as long as it takes, raelynn

raelynn.

to what end?

carson

wym

raelynn.

what's the goal

carson

whatever you want

raelynn.

that's too vague. there has to be something that you want. otherwise you wouldn't bother.

carson

I just want to make things right

I’m not the devil

raelynn.

i mean, they do always say that the devil doesn't always have horns and shit. they say he's got gorgeous hair and piercing eyes, and he lures you in.

carson

oh come on raelynn

raelynn.

see that, that was a joke.

carson

wyd tomo

raelynn.

whatever i want during the day and then work in the evening.

i'm a cage dancer, tips are good.

[...] why

carson

do you wanna get coffee

raelynn.

is there a particular reason you want to?

carson

just to hang out we dont have to

raelynn.

I don't know.

carson

that's ok

raelynn.

But maybe.

You're not trying to mess with me?

carson

no

raelynn.

it's just that the last time we sat across from each other you were breaking up with me.

carson

i can't break up with you rn

raelynn.

i know. that's not what it's about.

carson

well

raelynn.

it's just. that's how little trust is here, carson.

carson

idk what im supposed to say

im gonna give you space

raelynn.

you're supposed to just say what you mean .

carson

i am!

raelynn.

[...] I'll meet you. But just coffee. Not coffee and then my place, not coffee and then your place, not coffee and a kiss.

carson

i just said coffee

raelynn.

I know what you said, I just want to be as clear as I can be.

carson

crystal clear

raelynn.

Good. Um. Noonish?

carson

noon works!!

raelynn.

maybe the starbucks around the block from wes? I go to that one a lot. The staff is nice.

carson

sure, sounds good!

raelynn.

and carson? i literally am gonna ask just one single thing of you, okay?

carson

yes maam

raelynn.

don't screw any of my friends.

carson

idk who ur friends are

raelynn.

ugh.

carson

give me names, raelynn

raelynn.

i'm an extremely popular woman!

carson

bruh

raelynn.

well, there's delilah even though she and i aren't speaking. there's lana, there's niamh, roman, landon, ivy (i hope, soon), spencer, echo, rue, jules. if i think of anyone else i'll let you know.

also wes, wes is my friend, he counts.

carson

ok spen and i have been friends way before

and im not gonna fuck wes

or delilah

raelynn.

you don't get to argue with my list, carson.

carson

ok

raelynn.

you wanna fuck spence or something?

carson

i didn't say that

i just said we were friends!

raelynn.

okay.

i swear to god carson, you've aged me 50 years.

carson

oooh 75 yrs old

that;s hot

raelynn.

hate you

carson

<3

raelynn.

...don't

carsonBOT01/25/2021

</3

raelynn.

you don't even mean that lmao

carson

says u

raelynn.

it's not like you came back for me or whatever

carson

carson: i came back because i wanted to

raelynn

yeah i figured.

carson

carson: and i had to

raelynn

you had to come back or you had to leave?

carson

both

raelynn

so why did you leave?

carson

uh idk if you wanna know that

raelynn

did you run away with the other girl.

carson

no

raelynn

so why.

carson

my mom died

raelynn

[...]

carson

so i went to stay with my dad

raelynn

shit. i'm sorry.

carson

an awakening of some sort

raelynn

i really loved her.

carson

 i did too

so yeah i went to california. saw my dad. lived out there

raelynn

and you had to come back because...?

carson

someone had to do something about the apartment and house

plus wes was practically begging me to come back home

raelynn

yeah i get that.

marie

but I’m here now

raelynn. 

did you miss me.

you don't have to answer that. it's stupid.

carson

of course I did

raelynn.

okay. idk why i wanted to know.

carson

idk either

raelynn.

idk it's stupid

[...]

carson

I’m so sorry

I have a meeting at noon I forgot about

raelynn.

if you're backpedaling just say so.

carson

I’m not

raelynn.

so why should I believe you when you texted to cancel 15 minutes before?

carson

I have one brain cell and it’s my dad’s assistant’s

raelynn.

Was Delilah just making fun of me in that chat for not remembering ivy

carson

what does this have to do with me

raelynn

bc if so, it looks like you joined in.

carson

again, what does this have to do with me

raelynn.

Bc you can't act like you wanna fix things with me in here and make fun of me out there. Doesn't work like that.

carson

I’ve only told Delilah to fix things with you

what are you talking about !!!!!

raelynn.

The fight yesterday! When I said I dont remember fighting with Ivy and everyone shat on me. Delilah was making fun of me when she was talking about not remembering anyone.

carson

yes, I am that cruel and think that deeply into things

raelynn.

I know exactly how cruel you can be dude and I may be a dumbass but I didn't forget that.

carson

it literally wasn’t a dig at you

I was mocking Delilah

raelynn.

Do you swear on my tits?

carson

I’m not doing that

raelynn.

No matter whats going on with us i know you wouldn't risk them unless you're lying.

carson

oh my god

raelynn.

yeah I guess you're regretting this decision now

carson

you literally make me regret opening my mouth jfc

raelynn.

You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to.

carson

fine!

raelynn.

Fine.

carson

read

[...]

carson

hi

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

hi.

carson

im sorry

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

for?

carson

being dumb

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i don't want to play games anymore. i'm a grownup.

carson

i thought we were 12

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

carson

carson

raelynn

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

can you be serious

carson

how serious

i would like to not be serious rn im trying to figure out this living situation

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

like above the age of 12 serious

carson

how's 16?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

gah, ok

carson

<3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i told you not to do that

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

and you're not heartbroken so that's just a lie emoji

carson

dont tell me how im feeling

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

fine, you're not heartbroken over me

carson

don't tell me tht

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but it's the truth, isn't it?

carson

no

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm going to be very honest. if you are messing with me i cannot handle it. it hurts. so if you are messing with me right now, don't. ok?

carson

why would i be messing with you

do you want me to try to make things right

you can tell me no and ill quite literally just fuck off

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

[...] you can try.

carson

ok

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

...ok?

carson

im trying!!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

your ok texts are just weird omg

carson

it's literally an ok text

what would u like me to say

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm not mad or anything

about that

carson

please

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

pls what

carson

im trying so hard right now

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

okay, okay.

i accept your apology. For being dumb.

carson

thank u

one person has today

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

who else did u piss off?

carson

you still live at the same place

have u eaten

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i moved but not far.

why?

carson

i was gonna send u dinner from that italian place

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Alfredo's Pizza Cafe?

carson

yes maam

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

that would be nice.

do u remember my order?

carson

yes

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

*drops pin*

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

this is where i live now. it's slightly bigger than the old place. i have space to put my shoes finally.

carson

moving on up

it should be there in 10

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thanks, all i had today was hot chocolate and gum.

carson

why

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you know how i sometimes get an anxious tummy

carson

yeah :/

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah i was feeling queasy

but i'm feelin a little better.

carson

that’s good </3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you don't gotta broken heart emoji about it, really.

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

well i see your broken heart emoji and raise you a *peach emoji*

carson

are u working tonight

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Why?

carson

do you want to grab dinner before?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

are you sure?

carson

yes, no meetings

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

then yeah, okay. I go into work at 7. So whatever time works for you before then probs works for me too.

carson

okay! 5 work?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah that'll be fine, where should i meet u?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I picked a table towards the back I hope that's chill.

carson

yes!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

ok see you in a bit.

[...]

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

is it true.

carson

is what true

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

what sabrina said.

carson

yes

I wish I was dating my king

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

idk what the second part means but that's all i wanted to know. bye.

carson

I just wanted to fix things I never said anything about getting together

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i didn't say i wanted to?

carson

then why are you upset

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

bc i knew something like this would happen but i didn't think it would happen literally the week you came back. i'm blindsided. you could've said something to me last night.

carson

we talked after

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but i still didn't get like a text or anything? i had to find out from the chat as if we didn't decide to work on this. and it feels shitty.

carson

why would you get a text

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

because we were allegedly friends.

and you were gonna be honest with me.

but in any case, it doesn't really matter. i sincerely hope that you're happy. i'm gonna take some space for myself for right now, though.

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #4: “I am definitely sobbing 24/7” -Gavin

-okay so dan left eight to one a real... how you say... zzz. and then birch activates the earthquake and gives us... the best swap... ever...? i say us i mean ME so anyway the swap gives me... my alliance members of vi/collin/ruthie which YES. we already are half the tribe eat it UP. then i have cindi who im close to, who im also in a second game with rn. which BAM, and also... og tribe majority mmmmm delicious. THEN from the other tribe i get. BODHI who im also close to outside of this, and am also in another game with rn (where im about to vote to keep him in so woo we love  building trust...?). then i have rachael who is a sweetheart and TIMMY. ONE OF MY OLDEST ORG FRIENDS HELLOOO. this swap is kind of... too... good? all the people i'd wanna vote out are on the other tribe so the MO rn is to just sweep challenges ideally? thats the agenda. because rn the ones i want gone are birch/keegan/zachary/gavin... all of whom are on the other tribe. so we better get to winning even tho it might be bad for austin/jay if we do (but maybe timmy would go first idek)

-okay so... we just won jeopardy? that challenge truly had me weighing up and considering literally fighting a child because that zach is half child prodigy, half robot he was literally bodying the challenges... BUT THEN WE WON ASFJDKSAL. we literally just went for broke on the final jeopardy and it came THROUGH. im so so happy because i want all of my swap tribe at merge, they are all people i want to stick around so even one tribal would be a disaster. i think timmy might unfortunately be screwed just because jay/austin are really connected. also the annie tribe is probably gonna lose... another og tribe member. but HONESTLY what can you do. this is good for my longterm survival anyway hopefully they turn inwards and get rid of one of OG Jack even though its probably unlikely KJFLSAD.

-well, to start out, i am sorry this is later than anticipated. however, what matters is that i am doing it now... right? ANYWAYS... onto the confessional. i think the main thing i want to talk about this round, is the brilliant move i orchestrated during that challenge that gave us the win... and the fact that i got NO CREDIT FOR IT. OKAY Y'ALL... I SEE YOU. but anyways, i think it is clear that i am basically a mastermind. however, what really matters is that we won... so GO TEAM (me)! following the challenge this round i was added into an alliance chat planned by keegan and zach with rachael and myself. so, when jess wasn't included, i obviously had to go talk to her and subtly expose that alliance... and funnily enough, keegan added jess to alliance with birch! FUNNY. so, we basically figured out that keegan is trying to play everyone and anyone he can--which will definitely be useful information going forward. overall this round, i think i really strengthened some key bonds with birch and rachael specifically. i was on call with rachael for 5 hours straight and talked about personal things with birch for about an hour. so, i honestly feel pretty good going forward. and on the bright-side, if things start to look like they're going south, i always have that idol in my back pocket. until next time... xoxo, gossip girl.

-well, to no ones surprise... we swapped. AND I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY RACHAEL. i’m not crying... (jk, i am definitely sobbing 24/7). but on the bright side, i at least have jess with me. unfortunately due to zachs poor math skills, we lost the challenge that should have been an easy win for us given our lead going into the final jeopardy... but gavin is not bitter. so, unfortunately, we have to go to tribal with a brand new tribe. on the bright side, it seems to be looking in OG jack’s favor numbers wise, so i don’t particularly feel like i am in danger. however, you never know what could happen at tribal council. so, if worse comes to worse, i will have my idol ready to play—but i am hoping it doesn’t come to that. it appears as though austin or jay will be leaving—which is perfectly fine with me (even if i want keegan to go sooner rather than later, it’s best not to make any unnecessary waves right now. so i will continue to let him become a bigger target and try to take charge and snake as he does... and we will go from there.

https://youtu.be/R3zDNJfI3Pc

https://youtu.be/4QKj_KZhhCE

-I....am upset. You put me on a tribe with little cutie Gavin and then RIPPED HIM AWAY. I am beyond upset. I am outraged. SWAP US BACK COWARDS. Can't wait for the next earthquake to hit so we can be reunited. I miss him so much. He still sends me tiktoks though so thats cute. we are watching Hamilton together on Friday and I am so excited.

-It’s 1:02PM and I still miss Gavin.

-It’s 5:14 pm and I still miss Gavin. Hope he doesn’t go home, but I won immunity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So I forced a swap. yay! I also exiled myself, mainly to keep myself safe cause fuck getting voted out, Am I right? So I don't really have anything to report on. uhhhh, yeah. Go everyone!! 

-When your tribe mates don't listen to your wager advice and you lose the challenge :))))))))))))))))))))))))

-So a swap happened so that's fun.... I can't even lie I  have swap PTSD from my last Survivor. I was swapped into the minority, rocked myself out with an idol for a souvenir. THAT BEING SAID... This swap worked out for me! I think? At least for now? If I didn't have Gavin with me I'd be extremely worried but because I do believe he has an "in" with the bro's Keegan/Zach aka: a duo... I'll at least know if they are up to some shady shit. I also got Chips! SO PARTY. I'm really thankful we got a swap because I don't know if I would have survived a couple of votes on my previous tribe. I wasn't necessarily "in" with people. So a swap was welcomed but I was also scared shitless. This swap has really opened the door for me/Zach? I don't trust him the slightest BUT at least we have some sort of dialogue right now compared to the crickets we were exchanging on OG JACK. This swap also broke up the "alliance" of Zach, Rachael, Keegan...and Gavin. So now they'll need to find a replacement Rachael and I know I'm not as pretty as Rachael but maybe I'll fill the female quota in that alliance? Chips has opened up a LOT to me so far. We've exchanged idol searches but he feels on the bottom of that "alliance" and I don't blame him. I just don't know where we go from here after this vote. He flips? to Jay? Maybe a Jay/Chips/Keegan/Zach majority? He wants me to flip to a Chips/Jay/Timmy/Majority? I have no idea. We also get Birch next round! I do enjoy Birch so much but that's a number for Keegan and that makes me un-easy. Keegan is easily my biggest threat so far. Next round could potentially be a 6.vs. 2 majority and it can't be THAT simple. I'm going to focus on winning... I guess? I'm really enjoying Timmy so far even though he's given me a few red flags or I'm being lied to hardcore. Austin told me he had a vote reveal however, why would Timmy tell someone who he has said "treated him badly" about a power? So either Timmy is playing me or Austin is playing me. Either way they both can go?! Timmy gives me such weird vibes. I want to trust him but I also think he's going to be a super cut-throat player down the line and that SCARES ME.

Ok.....with the swap that happened and us losing immunity I really feel my game is over. Which really sucks bc i wanna work with ppl like keegan jess jay chips and zach but I dont feel most of those ppl wanna work with me.  I'm not gonna give up tho . I'm gonna try talking and making deals and doing what I can to save myself.  It's not over til tribal and I have plenty of time. Pleaseeeee atomic gods let me make it through this one vote 

Me never remember what my last confessional was about? The title of my autobiography. So, we swapped which is super unfortunate but the tribe I got swapped into has a majority OG Jack members. JESS, ZACH, GAVIN, CHIPS and myself against JAY, TIMMY Z and AUSTIN. And then we lose the challenge because math is apparently impossible? Like ZACH either threw the challenge on purpose or he’s just the worst person at math. Either way, we’re going to tribal tonight. The current plan is to stay tribe strong and vote out an OG Annie which is fine by me. JAY is saying he wants to work with me because we’re both previous winners which is a good point. But I’ve got some solid alliances already and I don’t want to mess those up this early into the game. As far as I can tell right now, the plan is to split votes between JAY and AUSTIN with AUSTIN being the primary target since he’s pretty bad at challenges and isn’t likely to work with us down the line. TIMMY apparently spilled the beans about a six person alliance that didn’t include himself or CINDI, so we’re trying to keep him safe and pull him in as a number for the future. Who knows what will happen though. There’s idols to worry about which is why we’re trying to split the vote. 

This tribe swap makes me so happy because I vibe with these people so much better and it gives me a new chance in this game to fix my activity level. On top of that, we are safe!!! Another round of not having to go to tribal is a good round for me. Who knows why the Annie tribe only wagered $3,000 because that made absolutely no sense but I’m not complaining. Overall, A+ round!

So this round, i find myself swapped into a tribe of people that are so much better then my old tribe. I was on the outs of that 6 person alliance and I am sure I would have been the next to go for sure. I get a really good vibe off of zach and jess, plus gavin and keegan are cool too. Not to sure about Chips but I have to put my trust in these people for the mean time. As for the challenge, we lost and i knew I was going to vote with the old Jack tribe. We plan on splitting the votes 3 vs 3 with austin and jay voting whoever. Of course in true them style, the moment they found out it was them, they threw me under the bus immediately. Hopefully everything goes as planned tonight and Austin goes home, if not it is going to be me. I have had good convos with people tho and hope that can get me through this tribe.

Well this swap completely sucks. In the complete minority, someone sold out the alliance to Timmy so I doubt he trusts me anymore. I just tried to be honest with him so he'd see me in a better light and I hope it worked. Beyond that, we lost the challenge and I think my head is on the chopping block. Earlier today Chips came and told me that he's pretty sure the votes are coming down on me and they're gonna tell me Austin to fake me out. And you know, that's probably true because Zach, Keegan, and Gavin have all told me it's Austin. What troubles me is that Chips doesn't seem to have a plan otherwise even though it seems like he wants to do something else. So once Zach told me it's Austin, I had more of a chat with him. He really seems to not want me to go anywhere, which is hard not to believe. Either he's telling me the truth or he's a fantastic liar. Same with Keegan, even though I think it's in both of our best interests to work together going forward. At this point it's clear that it's gonna split between Austin and myself so i worry if I don't vote Austin then I'm just automatically out. Shits really hard in the game right now and all I want is to survive another day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25eKaudnTmA&feature=youtu.be

https://imgur.com/31jZcmF

I am finally not at the bottom. My original tribe has minority and I have prior existing relationships with 2/3 of the og Jack tribe. Plus I have bodhi, whom I absolutely love, on my tribe. I am happy. 

.

.

.

Click HERE to watch the Round 4 Cast Assessment!

[billyscamar0]

hello friends! i was tagged by @harringtonwife​ in both of these lovely ask memes. thanks doll i love u <3 IM GONNA DO THEM BOTH AT ONCE.

name: Nikki

gender: female

star sign: sagittarius

height: 5′4

sexuality: straight

wallpaper: dacre montgomery and his fucking eyelashes, god damn

ever had a crush on a teacher: no thank god

where do you see yourself in 10 years: *crosses fingers* hopefully not broke lmao

if you could be anywhere rn where would you be: ITALY. ALWAYS ITALY. venice is my home

coolest halloween costume: ezio auditore da firenze from assassin’s creed II shit yeah

fav 90′s show: courage the cowardly dog yeet

last kiss: YIKIES its been awhile, holla @ my insane ex who would write songs about decapitation and murder

fav book: hmm, the heroin diaries by nikki sixx or the thief lord by cornerlia funke

been stood up: a l l  the time

been to las vegas: damn, no

fav fruit: blueberries!

fav pair of shoes: i love this pair of white adidas i just got. otherwise probably...i used to wear 1 red and 1 black all star all the time. lmaooo

stupidest thing ever done: jesus this is a long list. i honestly don’t know if i can narrow it down. sooooo many things in high school. maybe like the actual dumbest thing i ever did was wander around the city at 3 am with nothing on me but a pack of cigarettes and a bag of literal lettuce when i was like 13. don’t ask me wtf because i can’t even explain that one

GENERAL

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: on this blog - two. on my others like 3 or 4.

do you want to change your name?: nah im golden

what time did you wake up this morning?: 7:30

what were you doing last night?: work, and then i played the game of thrones telltale game lmao

is there something you can’t wait for?: the next time i can go to italy.

what’ getting on your nerves right now?: all of my bullshit irl friends who keep repeatedly blowing me off and not giving a shit for me, luv u all x

do you have a crush?: no but i have a love of my life - jimmy from my moms work

what do you like about yourself?: uh, not a whole lot. like maybe i can be funny sometimes

WANTS

kids?: i hate kids, but maybe it’s different if they’re your own. idk. maybe. in general i really don’t like them and i feel i’d be a terrible parent so probably not lmao

married?: maybe, i wish i could tell for sure that someone would never leave me lolol

career?: I used to want to be a marching band instructor (lol) but now maybe im thinking whatever gets me enough money to be able to travel abroad

LASTS

drink?: dark mocha frappuccino from starbucks, classy

meal?: a skillet from dennys

phone call?: i almost never answer the phone, probably my grandparents lmao

text?: “I bought a $30 scratch off, im gonna be a millionaire” to my friend

song listened to?: wind of change - bee gees JUDGE ME

cried?: a few days ago but i almost did yesterday because i was listening to a symphonic movement that was so beautiful, judge me again LMAO

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

made a new friend?: YES! ABSOLUTELY AND I AM BLESSED.

fallen out of it?: fallen out of what? friendship? if so, yes. sadly.

met someone who changed you?: not really

found out who your true friends are?: i think i already knew, but them being shitty just reaffirms what i already knew

found out someone was talking about you?: yes lolol

NOW

eating?: air

drinking?: dark mocha frappuccino

listening to?: um, wind of change - bee gees lol, still

i’m about to?: go to fucking work

lips or eyes?: eyes

hugs or kisses?: hugs

nose or neck kisses?: both lmao

shorter or taller?: taller

older or younger?: older for sure, i guess it doesn’t matter so much as long as they’re 1. legal and 2. don’t have the maturity level of a fucking 12 year old

hook up or relationship?: relationship

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger?: no

drank liquor?: yeah

lost glasses?: dont wear ‘em 8)

sex on first date?: uh, what do u call the first date lmaooo

broken someones heart?: yes and i actually feel bad about those times still to this day

been arrested?: nope

turned someone down?: yikes yes

developed a crush on a friend?: uh, sort of. i feel like became friends with a crush is a  better way to put it

dated someone 2x?: nope

been cheated on?: no

kissed someone and regretted it?: yes :x

lost someone special?: yes

been depressed?: c o n s t a n t l y, aw boo hoo me

been drunk & thrown up?: yes lmao

talked to someone with the same name as you?: one of my best friends legally changed her name to be the same as my name, so yes, i fucking have and it still fucking makes me angry to this day!!!! lol!!!!!

DO YOU BELIEVE…

in yourself?: um, no. lmao it sounds really emo but not at all

miracles?: i feel like i’d say no but surviving an extremely terrible car accident says otherwise. maybe someone is watching out for me

love at first sight?: does that mean im in love with dacre montgomery 

heaven?: i’m not really religious,  but you know, maybe i do believe in it

santa?: lmao nah

witchcraft?: maybe not witchcraft but like sketchy unexplained shit as a broad category, shit yeah

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE TAG, YOU ARE A BLESSED SOULLLL

[kakusboyfriend]

im sorry to hear youre feeling anxious! i was looking through your f/o list and i actually dont really know that much about them ^^; it would interesting if you could pick one and share more about them cause im curious about all of them, but you dont got to talk about every single one if you dont wanna! you can message me about them if you want to also bro idc (also fdsjhsdafsa your art is hella fucking good what the he ll??)

(*cries v v hard bc of the art thing*)kskakak ur so sweet oml,,, ok here goes Me being very gay and bad at my job of answering asks So like,,, lets talk abt Bucky (rc9gn) bc he's the main bf and I love him very very much,,(This is mostly a "how I Started to love him" thing sorry its not,,, exactly what u asked ,, ,, its just me rambling)The fun thing abt this one is that,, when I first watched this show (I was like 11 lmao) I found him kinda weird n ngl somehow gross?? Like,,, what's this awful dork doing here. I Already got a small crush on him back then but I buried it v deep and focused on the kinda attractive main character ,,,,I forgot abt this show for a long, long time but like,, even when I started watching it again he didn't shine as much like. Ok he's cute, nice I like him. That was it for a whileThen I started dating a boy who was SO, SO similar to Bucky that most of the people that I showed him to and that know my ex told me they look extremely similar And it's true,,, he's a pun lover dork and tries his darn best to b funny but he fails miserably and while most people seem to b annoyed by that I honestly find it really really charming??? ?? Like,,, he looks like he's the kinda guy who would try his best to make you happy and who would always be there for you, ,,At first I selfshipped w him as a joke w my fursona (kirie) back in April but it slowly started to develop into a deeper thing and I legit fell in love w the dork oh no,, As I mentioned before I was.,,, dating a boy when I realized I liked Bucky. We slowly started drifting apart and I held onto this dork w even more strength bc at that point I was just making up a better relationship that my actual, irl one so I could,,,, b happy We broke up and I was like. That's it. My 'bf' is Gone and now I might stop having a crush on Bucky bc I basically only like him bc he reminded me of my ex.I was,, extremely wrong?????? ??? Like,,, yes he's v similar to that boy but he,, means a lot more to me?? What am I doing.Anyways fast forward to July,,, I started dating another guy (online this time) and even tho he could b sweet I,,, still wasn't happy w him. All the while I was,, still selfshipping w kirie (FUN FACT every time I sent him a pic of Bucky x Kirie and he said 'that's us' I felt grossed out bc like no,,, that's my own thing don't do that. I didn't like him v much can u tell?)He's 18 and had Just started college so he said he'd be away for a while (mid September-ish, if I remember correctly.) and I understood like yeah take ur time.And yet again I found myself lost and only having Bucky to give me love and support. Spoilers that one didn't come back and it was,,, mid October when I broke up w him and blocked him (and started a new relationship but that's not. Important rn,,) and self insert made me realize that situation was not ok bc I was only receiving love from a fictional character so far. That was v creepy (keep in mind he,, left in august. As I had just came out to my dad, I guess. I needed support and he wasn't there. Bucky was tho, and that was v v v great.)Anyways,,, through this year, Bucky has been a huge help w relationships I was unhappy with. Even if it was just Kirie, I felt appreciated and loved. By someone I actually liked.I eventually made a rc9gn oc bc I was tired of Kirie getting all the love lmao,,,, Bucky's a really important part of me loving myself because he's happy with who he is and what he likes, he's himself and nothing can stop him from doing stuff he loves. He's outgoing and lovely and like,,, if he can love me then I deserve to b happy.He's,,, he's just very important to me bc he's there when I need to b lifted outta my shitty moods and when I need reassurance,,,,, ,,,,, he's my favorite dork and I love him,,,, ,,, very much This year has been kinda rough and I've been dealing w depression and anxiety but at least I,,,, had him to turn to when I felt alone. Thinking abt his awful jokes or his dorky smile is like,,, some of the things that keep me going bc if he supports me I can go on,,,❤

[vsirin]

@nickygrimms tagged me to do the 92 truths game so!!! thank u!

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST…

1. Drink: water (thats all i drink tbh)

2. Phone call: it’s been Weeks but probably the library

3. Text message: i texted my sister abt the sims

4. Song you listened to: kiwi by harry styles 

5. Time you cried: i was close to crying on sunday but i didnt... i think i cried some time last week about 1) michael and 2) flinthamilton reunion

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: ive never dated someone ONCE lol

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: cant regret it if u never do it B)

9. Lost someone special: yea

10. Been depressed: a little bit? 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

foresty green, yellow (like the van gogh sunflower shade of yellow), and maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: yep!! 

16. Fallen out of love: no

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: idt so?

19. Met someone who changed you: yes i think every friend changes my life bc im so grateful to have friends

20. Found out who your true friends are: yes

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i have 2 fb friends and no i have not kissed either of them

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? 1 (hey thats half of them though!)

23. Do you have any pets?: yea 3 dogs

24. Do you want to change your name?: yeaaah it’s a Struggle bc i dont like it but its my Name and i feel stupid trying to go by smth else? idk :/

25. What did you do for your last birthday? ummmm i went to a used bookstore and treated myself to half of inxs’s albums.. then i think i got taco bell for lunch? and ate spaghetti for dinner. AND played mass effect andromeda for the first time

26. What time did you wake up? YIKES today is a bad day to ask lol i think i wasnt up until 12:45 or later... 

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? drivin home :// rip

28. Name something you cannot wait for: like in the big scheme of things, i cant wait to learn the Skills necessary for my dream job so i can make video games for a living

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: i see her right now

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i mean there are things i wish were different but more in a “i’ll accomplish these things one day” and not just “i want to change this now” ??? idk 

31. What are you listening to right now: a compilation of kirk pengilly’s sax solos

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: 1) the fact i have to pee and im not getting up to go and 2) i need to draw and i WANT to draw and yet... 

34. Most visited website: probably twitter bc i always go on there n talk 

35. Elementary: yes

36. High school: yes

37. College/university: no... bc of $$$

38. Hair color: brown

39. Long hair or short: it’s like shoulder length rn but i want it long again so 

40. Do you have a crush on someone: not IRL 

41. What do you like about yourself: physically i love my nose which i used to hate a LOT but not anymore, i like my eyes and how many freckles i have, and then not-physically i like that i’m a nice and soft person and i’m emotional and sensitive and i think thats nice plus i think i have Cool taste in movies and music and things

42. Piercings: no i am so scared of needles and it’ll never happen

43. Blood type: how tf should i know

44. Nickname: none rlly? i want a nickname tho someone give me one

45. Relationship status: single but Actually luke arnold is my Boyfrend so 

46. Zodiac sign: taurus

47. Pronous: she/her but im not... idk im chill

48. Favorite TV show: black sails!! but i also love battlestar galactica a LOT and chuck is one of my favs too.. i could go on but this only asked for fav and not top 5 lol

49. Tattoos: none bc... im scared of needles.. and i’ll probably never get one lol i’m a weenie 

50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST…

51. Surgery: ive never had one

52. Piercings: none

54. Sport: um?? ive never really Done a sport like i’ve never been on a team or anything. but i did a lot of biking and i was a hardcore jump-roper when i was little

55. Vacation: the beach!!

56. Pair of trainers: “what is this asking lol” same nour

57. Eating: im not currently eating anything

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: go through all the tabs i have open RIP

60. Listening to: various inxs songs, i just finished learn to smile and now im listening to we are thrown together

61. Waiting for: hmmm... breakfast tmm... tomorrow in general bc im gonna Do things... my beach vacation later this summer... im always waiting for when i achieve my Ultimate Goal of making video games but that sort of implies im not doing anything abt it and thats not tru

62. Want: some food... some potatoes... i want to start some more hobbies like embroidery, gardening, and yoga maybe?? and i want to be able to do handstands and splits so i wanna do more stretching and what not.. i want lots of things but not in a whiny/im not trying to achieve these goals type of way if that makes sense

63. Get married: i mean maybe... like the concept is cute... when i look at my Favs (read: luke) i’m like “yeah i would marry them in a heartbeat” but irl i just dont know we’ll see.. im a Romantic type of person (despite being aromantic lol) but for me i need just a Soul Connection w/ someone and if it’s not in a marriage type of way then thats okay? idk man

64. Career: oh i know this one!!! video game programmer!!! 

YOUR TYPE…

65. Hugs or kisses: ???? how can i answer this??? if i loved someone i would want hugs AND kisses?? but yeah hugs probably

66. Lips or eyes: ugh this is so hard i dont know??? bc w/ ppl i like i always appreciate all their features so much... i dont know which i prefer.. but to answer the question i guess i’ll go w/ eyes 

67. Taller or shorter: taller

68. Older or younger: older than me or at least born the same year idk im always younger than my friends and it’s weird to be older than ppl

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach... i like a soft tummy but like idk arms are just arms yknow... 

71. Sensitive or loud: 100% sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hm... i would say hesitant bc i am but then i dont know, balance /is/ key right... can i just say like “reasonable” instead of an extreme lol

HAVE YOUR EVER… (these are all gonna be no’s lol)

74. Kissed a stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: no

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no

77. Turned someone down: i mean not really? 

78. Sex on the first date: no

79. Broken someone’s heart: no

80. Had your heart broken: every episode of black sails broke my heart so yeah

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: who doesnt cry when someone dies lol yes

83. Fallen for a friend: i dont Know what romantic feelings are so how would i know

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84. Yourself: yep

85. Miracles: yes

86. Love at first sight: like i know it’s not Really but hey why not i think it’s a cute idea ,,, i think u can get Vibes from people and u can be attracted to their vibe yknow 

87. Santa Claus: no

88. Kiss on the first date: sure

89. Angels: yes

OTHER…

90. Current best friend’s names: trina & alyssa (and u nour!!) 

91. Eye color: blue

92: Favorite movie: jurassic park!!!! bc of bby joe mazzello and it’s just a good movie. and also my fav but in a different way is catch me if you can... and i’m having a hard time not saying the great gatsby too AND rush bc 1) chris hemsworth and 2) race cars!!! and 3) i love niki lauda and daniel bruhl’s accent in it is so good... also one more is snowpiercer, it would be my top fav except that it’s so heavy and i have to be in a super specific vibe to watch it... anyway those are my favs sort of in order

and i’ll tag the same ppl i always tag to do this: @punkrockaries @ageofthesith @fignewmans