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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years ago

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hi, i wanted to get any kind of input or opinion because i think theres something really wrong with me. ive always been obsessed with labels and terms to identify myself, always switching them around and finding a new one regularly to base myself off of. right now at least i have no actual sense of identity and its very possible i could just be reaching because i tend to do that a lot but i dont remember a time where i genuinely had a hold on who i was, aside from when i had a really unhealthy obsession with one singular person for about 2 years. my entire life and mental state revolved around them during that time and to be honest, even though we arent on speaking terms anymore, still seeing them on socials messes me up pretty often.

anyway, the main issue is that i dont really know who i am or who i even want to be. i cant even really keep a name/nickname to go buy for longer than a few months only because i know it inconveniences the people around me (however few there are now). and thats another thing! im really iffy about making connections with people now because a lot about it makes me uncomfortable, like the responsibility and having to deal with another person all the time. i know that sounds really shitty, but i feel like i spent all my love ill ever have on that one person for two years and now that its gone, its never coming back. im still very lonely now but the thought of trying to fix that is really uncomfortable to me. its not that im incapable of making friends, its that after a while ill kind of get tired of them? something about consistency makes me restless and i know its shitty because im a really up and down kind of friend, like recently ive only been talking to people when i feel like it, which is one big reason i dont want to make friends and put people through that.

back to the labels and identity thing. its always kind of been there, but recently the urge to cling to some sort of label or answer for my behavior and thoughts and feelings has been so strong that i almost wish i was genuinely delusional or something. or just that something was seriously wrong with me, just so that i have something new and big to cling to. i know thats bad and unhealthy but i dont know how else to function. ive been thinking recently that i have a lot of narcissistic traits, or at least self centered tendencies. i always operate like im the main character. i always do things with the thought in mind that there will be no negative outcomes for me, and if there so happens to be one, then ill somehow weasel my way out of it. i think that everything will always go well for me, which is weird because it very much has not in the past. a lot of bad things have happened to me, but in a weird fucked up kind of way im glad they did. because now i have some sort of trauma to cling to and roll into my identity. but the flaw in that is that i need a new one every so often. i cycle through different traumas and disorders and sexualities and genders and names and everything that i really, genuinely dont know who i am. and thats why i think somethings wrong with me. because what normal person thinks and operates like this? i dont know if i fully described the reality of my situation, or if im just saying that because i want it to seem worse, but thats about it. sorry for the long ask. i hope you can get around to answering

Hi anon,

I think to some degree its okay to like labels, as they can provide us a sense of structure and being able to name things can give a lot of people comfort. It's also okay to change your identity, as identities are fluid and naturally change over time. You're allowed to change your identity as many times as you want because it's literally yours to dictate, you know?

However, there are many different possibilities as to why you may be experiencing this frequent shift in identity. While I can help explain what these possibilites might be, it is crucial to consult with a mental health professional for an accurate assessment and diagnosis.

One of the possibilities is that you could have some narcissistic tendencies, as from my understanding of NPD, it's about basically trying to regain control of feeling worthless or helpless by constructing a reality of grandiosity that can be incredibly fragile (please correct me if I'm wrong).

Also in the realm of personality disorders, the idea of having "identity disturbance" and "unhealthy obsessions" with someone is characteristic of BPD. Identity disturbance, also sometimes called identity diffusion, is described as an "incoherence, or inconsistency in a person's sense of identity. This could mean that a person's goals, beliefs, and actions are constantly changing. It could also be that the person takes on personality traits of people around them, as they struggle to have and maintain their own identity." Of course, you can experience identity disturbance without BPD, but it's still a common experience among pwBPD.

Another possibility is tired to when you said "i cycle through different traumas and disorders and sexualities and genders and names and everything that i really, genuinely don't know who i am" as it reminded me of how a system might experience their identity, especially if they don't realize they're a system. This is not me saying you're definitely a system, but the possibility of plurality could be something to explore further as well.

Ultimately, this could be something to explore further with the guidance and mediation of a mental health professional such as a therapist, who can work with you to identify more concretely why you may be experiencing these things. They can also help you navigate these feelings and provide guidance tailored to your specific needs.

It's important to practice self-care and be gentle with yourself as you navigate your identity. Please know that it's okay to take your time and embrace the journey of self-discovery. If anyone has any additional insights or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks

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1d1195 · 6 months ago

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Hiiiii!

It's been a while, I love the way you explain stuff😭 Ding is so freaking amazing.

So, oh, before I forget, I do study English literature and translation ( Arabic - English) btw you're a teacher? I saw some anon I think (💜 anon?) Wishing you a happy teacher's day idk about it cause we don't celebrate that here but yeah I didn't know that sounds fun! Let me guess (English teacher?)

So you know, yesterday I had a relaxing shower and afterward I wanted to style my curly/wavy hair naturally, so I think k it's a mix of 2a and 2b and that's funny cause I really tried like I saw some pics on pinterest and some videos on tiktok that motivated me but I kinda failed? 😭😭 I just rubbed the cream into my hair and pulled it back into 2 low buns but that's funny cause just before going to bed (I'm struggling with insomnia I've been staring at the ceiling since 1am and now it's 4am😭)anyway so I just fixed my hair to bed and it looked good! Like I had put effort into it, but I didn't! I think the curls aren't gonna make it till the morning🙈

Ehhh I dont know why in the freaking freak did I just say this whole story to you but I think you'll tolerate me right?

So back to classes and huffs and puffs, my finals start on the 20th. I'm not nervous, tbh I'm excited, I wanna get over with these freaking exams to read my books in peace.

So.. Love and Other Words and The Rose Code, huh? They really sound so interesting. I'm gonna need to read them. I'm also planning on reading the Twisted and King series, and do you mind if I tell you that you need to check Interlude right the tuck now? It's so freaking good you need to read it. You'll shed many tears, istg never have I ever cried this much in my whole life in "that" specific chapter, but I just love angst! But I promise it's not like that, okay? It's just amazing amazing I'm currently reading insurgence (the sequel) it's still on going bur I just love this book so much. I hope Mikii considers publishing it someday!

And I've always wanted to ask! What is your favorite piece that you wrote? I read a couple of series that you wrote, but I just wanna know which one js your favorite 🎀

Thank you so much I think you're kinder and better thank you 🩷🩷🩷🩷

I'm gonna need to study 3 novels tmrw cause I promised myself to do so! (Pride and Prejudice, David Copperfield, and The Portrait of a Lady) we studied them for my finals, but i just want to start my revisions, so... to teach and please ig😭😭

Have a very wonderful day, Sam!!! (BTW, my childhood bff's nickname's Sam! We're still friends, and we still love each other the same but not bffs anymore)

Oh now I remembered that I wanted to rant about the future and how I'm afraid of it being a (soon to be 19) girl who is (soon to be a junior) trying to be independent but in reality she will cry if you dare give her a nasty look but I guess it'll have to wait for next time cause my eyes seem to be dropping finally😭😭 I'll tty lysm🩷🩷

-��anon

😭 idk what I explained, but I'm glad it came out well and that you liked it! 💕

I am a teacher! A math teacher actually if you can believe it. Writing is just a hobby of mine and I love it, but it's only for me. Teaching math is much more enjoyable than teaching English (at least I imagine so). In the US we have teacher appreciation week to recognize teachers' hard work. I had one of my current students write me a letter and one of my students last year messaged me to wish me well. But it's not that exciting tbh--well, I do get a lot of coupons emailed to me hehehe

I know NOTHING about hair. (Literally had to google what 2b meant) I make my sister figure out what I need to do and then I just do what she says. I think we might have the same hair type though based on the pictures I googled! I have one curl cream thing that I put in my hair and scrunch each morning and then hope for the best (and that there will be low humidity). It's cool to experiment with your hair, even if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to in the morning! Then you know for the next trial. Of course I tolerate you--even though that's not what I would call it, I love to hear what you're doing!

I bet you're going to crush your exams! It sounds like you're ready for it! Books in peace is a MOOD. I'm excited for you!

My favorite piece I've written oh boy. Umm...I think it would be Protection. Or maybe Zipper. Idk I feel guilty picking one over the other and I love writing them all. I will tell you I think I like Protection more than Traditional which is probs sacrilege to write on my own blog because I think everyone under the sun would choose Traditional over Protection hahahaha but I liked planning Protection more than Traditional. Although Dolcezza really took hold of my heart VERY hard. Especially lately. Probably one of the three: Zipper, Dolcezza, or Protection.

I hope studying has gone/went well and you got some sleep after being up so late! You're going to have a wonderful future, I'm sure of it, and don't worry about forgetting something. I'm not going anywhere! 💕

xoxo

#🎀

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remcycl333 · 2 years ago

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Hey rem why does everyone believe in the void when the only stories are anonymous, even the bloggers never have success stories with it, I want to believe but I can't get a hold of one person with experience. People insist and insist it's real but have no experience, I don't understand

i dont answer void asks anym but.

so many blogs have posted their own success stories ???

cinefairy

halokisses

teenageangeldiaries

cleostoohot

itsravenbitch

alien-hunny

777jaeyunn

+more but im not gonna spend any more of my time looking for them

neville goddard talked about the void in a few of his books, but he referred to it as the "i am state." we just nicknamed it the void here on tumblr

also, i will never ever get why anons don't trust other anon's success stories. YOU'RE ANONYMOUS TOO!!!! the same reason you're anonymous is prob the exact same reason they're anonymous too.

ALSO TO EVERYONE READING THIS, DO NOT GO SPAM THE ACCOUNTS I MENTIONED'S INBOXES WITH VOID QUESTIONS!! u already have all of the info on the void u need. the reason most blogs dont answer void questions anymore is bc theyre so repetitive and all of the info is already out there. we don't feel like repeating ourselves 5000 times a day!!

#asks

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the-last-millenial-disaster · 4 years ago

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Do Reyge (Reyna X Sage ) headcanons if ya dont mind!!

(A/N: Here u go anon. Enjoy! )

Couldn’t stand eachother at first

Reyna embraced her job while Sage tried to keep her moral high ground, even though she’s literally a hitman

And I guess that didn’t sit well with Reyna

They’re the opposites attract case

Sage doesn’t approve of Reyna’s methods but. Y’know. Sexdrive or whatever.

Sage is the only one who calls Reyna by her name (Delilah)

Sage is also the only one who doesn’t die instantly when she says it either

(Also can I just interject with the fact that ‘Delilah’ means ‘delicate’ in Hebrew and I find that ironically hilarious, but it also makes me wonder if it’s a hint about her personality/arc - also, it’s a beautiful name)

Sage is a really simple person - easy to talk to, easy to trust

Dare I say she has the hardest job of all

She has to keep up as a soldier, sneak all over the place to keep people in business and stay alive so that if any of the agent’s die, they get another chance

She’s definitely the mum, while Reyna is more like a deranged aunt

And I think we can conclude that Reyna would date nothing less than a radiant

And she obviously has a thing for Sage

Reyna is into that give/take life analogy

Reyna gives nicknames as a first sign of affection don’t @ me on that

It might not even be for romantic reasons, but when she starts feeling comfortable around someone, she won’t call them by their real name

They both show their love trough actions - loving gestures, PDA, light touches etc.

Reyna is a plant killer while Sage has a green thumb

They don’t spend a lot of time in eachother’s rooms

Sage insisted that Reyna opened her windows - she took absolutely no crap

“Like it or not, you are still human I want those windows open at least 5 minutes per day.” or “Fresh air never killed anyone.”

*audible groan*

Sage likes emotional intimacy, and Reyna had to try real hard to understand it

Don’t get me wrong

Reyna can be vulnerable from time to time

But you can have only so many years of shielded emotions until you stop showing them completely

So that’s a thing they had to work out

Reyna can also be overprotective and posessive from time to time

What im saying is ✦jealousy✦

And boy did Sage have a problem with it

She doesn’t appreciate being babied

So they had a few fallouts about it, because Sage knows how to stand up for herself, and won’t take any bullshit

Reyna has a lot of black and dark shade clothes, colours Sage wouldn’t usually reach for

Aaaaand here I go with the ‘stealing clothes’ trope but here’s the thing

You can’t stop me

Anyway, Reyna was quite dumbfounded when she saw Sage wearing one of her spaghetti strap tops for the first time I mean how cute is that

Reyna also thinks that it’s illegal to be that cute in any country

Sage can exchange compliments well, but nothing prepared her for the sheer amount of hardcore flirting that comes neatly packaged with one by the name of Reyna

She gets all blushy and forgets how to talk for a few seconds

...that’s why she always tries to get the first word in because that way Reyna can’t use her perfect opening oneliners

Sage managed to make Reyna blush exactly four(4) times and she’s so proud of it

You can catch them canoodling in the common room late in the evenings, when everyone is busy doing whatever a bunch of assasins are doing in free time

Except you can’t because Reyna will kill anyone who has winessed any proof that she’s capable of affection and love

I mean cmon she has a reputation to uphold

Cypher almost shat himself mid-tease once, that’s how scary her glare is

Sage has a cat

Sage is protective of cat

Cat is protective of Sage

queue Reyna and the cat glaring at eachother from different sides of the room while Sage isn’t looking

‘asserting dominance’ is what Reyna called it

But after Sage couldn’t take it anymore, she made sure they came close enough to at least smell eachother

And the cat didn’t even hate it

So now Reyna finds a ball of fur in her dark&cozy room more times than she’d like to admit

(A/N: Part 2 of Reyna ships. I know that this probably isn’t what you were looking for but It’s what I write best.)

Thank you for reading!

#hmmmm i have mixed feelings about this ship #i love these two #as separate characters #but idk if you like it ill write it!#valorant hcs #valorant headcannons #valorant #reyge #reyna x sage #sage x reyna #reyna valorant #valorant reyna #valorant sage #sage valorant

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mikaze-discord · 3 years ago

Text

Quartet Night: Love letters

Annnnnd these are the love letters written for Quartet Night!!!

Please enjoy under the cut~

REIJI KOTOBUKI

From Anon:

I've always been drawn to characters with complex (and fairly dark) personalities, so liking Rei-chan was honestly inevitable for me.

He looks like a very bright and cheerful character at first, which he is, but sometimes that part of him is a little misleading because, in actuality, he's a character that holds a lot of negative feelings about himself due to a past that he can't seem to move on from. He holds a lot of those feelings to himself because he doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He's a reliable, cunning, and ultimately selfless character that chooses to shoulder a lot on his own out of his infinite care for others, and perhaps a secret sense of atonement, all hidden behind his bright demeanor and goofy smile, and it's endlessly interesting to me.

Besides the duality of his personality, he has a lot of other endearing quirks to love about him. He loves his mom a lot and is a mama's boy. His old-man jargon and catchphrases never fail to amuse (I still can't get over the way he says "my girl"). His obsession with anything even remotely British is something my APH England phase can relate to. His style of music brings a lot of pleasant feelings of nostalgia for me, and his pretty voice suits them a lot. And most of all he's just a very good boy overall. I rate 99999 out of 10 would love and support him and also maybe pay for his therapy because god knows he needs it. Happy anniversary!!

From another anon:

Would you like to hear a story? You do? Very well then, may this story be one you enjoy.

What do I like about Reiji kotobuki? A Lot of things actually!

Well, I've always really liked Reiji as a character as he seemed to be one of the more interesting characters to me, due to how complex he is with his backstory and general just personality.

I have always really enjoyed how Reiji just solves problems too? Like he is just such an outgoing person who deserves all the support!!!

Like the best word I can use for Reiji is just, unique. Everything about him is just so Reiji. From the way he talks, to his nicknames or even his texting style. Like have you seen how many people use emoticons when texting as Reiji? It's just so him.

I like his way of thinking too! I feel like some of the interactions in the games are just so interesting, just seeing Reiji’s point of view. How he deals with a sort of survivor’s guilt and all of that.

Personally, some of my most memorable roleplaying moments were watching a Reiji rper in action, like just seeing them interact and flow so seamlessly with the other characters was just so fascinating to wee baby rper me. Such a large part of playing Reiji is just how you flow with the people around you and comedic timing. I have so many funny moments where Reiji was just interacting with people and it was just so inspirational (?) like I couldn't stop the smile on my face. I had learnt alot from them. I still consider them my roleplaying senpai almost! I don't talk to them anymore but I really had an amazing time just seeing their spin on the character.

I don't find him to be a romantic partner towards me nor do I see any of the characters in that light, but I've always found Reiji as such a personal character. Not even just towards me, like even with other utapri stans. The most relatable character always seems to be Reiji.

I've always been pretty similar in many aspects to him and I often find myself relating to him in numerous ways like his vibe is just relatable! I have often found myself trying to make other people laugh and have fun that many times I'm spreading myself thin and feel unappreciated...Reiji really helped with that.

This is where i start getting into the really personal stuff LOL feel free to skip if you dont wanna hear the angsty backstory.

I had really come to love Reiji when I had just...hit a low. I had a group of friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and just talking to, but they weren't very good friends per say. I often had to schedule every activity we did and I spent days and nights trying to think of concepts that might be fun. They took it for granted.. I had spent 4 months trying to make a game for them, and they had constantly pushed back times that we would play it. Using excuses to not play it, without telling me out right what they did not like or even why. The site I used was later taken down without notice and thus I had lost all my progress. Later, they had mentioned how they would like to play it except that later ended up being two years later. I really wish I could've solved things with that friend group like Quartet Night did but that didn't happen. That is when I started seeing things Reiji’s way? Not to say that it was the same or similar scenario to Reiji but I had just associated it with him.

RANMARU KUROSAKI

From Anon:

Ran is such a fun character! He sounds like a "rough outside, soft inside" kind of character, but his roughness is more like an integral part of him and it's through it that he shows he cares rather than setting it aside. That's what made me want to rp him. I also like how he is such a strong guy who's always determined to do his best in everything he does despite so much having gone wrong in his past. And it's very satisfying to see him form bonds and start to trust people.

From @mikaze-san:

Originally, my favourite Utapri boy was Ai, and it had been the robot boy for several years upon entering the fandom. In fact, it only switched to Ranmaru sometime late last year but regardless, I would still die for this man. Part of the reason why I switched is because I’ve always been a fan of Suzuki Tatsuhisa and I have a huge bias towards any man who wears nail polish without fearing being “feminine” because fuck gender roles.

As someone who studies fashion, I think Ranmaru is very coordinated and confident when it comes to portraying himself that way. He knows he’s not very good at expressing his emotions and utilises his passion for rock and playing the bass to portray those feelings through his songs. It’s also incredibly inspiring to know that he bounces back from pretty much anything considering his backstory and the stuff he deals with in the game/anime.

But my main reason for loving Ranmaru so much stems from the fact that I admire him a lot and want to be more like him. For a long time last year, I got to roleplay as Ranmaru in a few Utapri groups and through those experiences, I gained a better understanding and appreciation of the characters that I wrote for. In some weird way, by highlighting his flaws, character progression and how he dealt with different emotions, I ended up providing insight into how I dealt with similar issues by looking at them from a 3rd person perspective.

I used to be very shy and was very shut off from friends and family, and due to this I’ve always admired people in my life or fictional characters that are so confident in being who they are. Ranmaru particularly struck that chord in me because his bluntness knows no end. He’s very opinionated and doesn’t fear confrontation, in most cases being the one to provoke it. He speaks his mind openly without being overly anxious of the consequences. This is something that I feel is especially relevant today with being your authentic/unapologetic self is such a trend.

It’s something I’ve also noticed with having met people in or outside of this fandom, the notion of idolising a fictional character containing traits that we want to see in ourselves. Which made me think about a lot of my favourite kinds of characters which at the end of the day all boil down to sharing one similar trait: Being a bitch.

And in Utapri, Ranmaru embodies that. So naturally it’s very easy for me to idolise him.

(Tldr: I like his bitchy attitude.)

AI MIKAZE

From Arashi:

It's hard to put into words why I love Ai Mikaze, perhaps it's because I'm subconsciously drawn to him, maybe it's because his hair and eyes are my favorite color, maybe it's because his voice is that of an angels, there are many reasons why I love him. I couldn't tell you a definite, "These one or two reasons are the entire reason I love him", but I'll try to sum it up.

I grew to love him by admiring his personality, his smile, his determination to reach his goals, everything about him made me happy. He's strict and a little scary at times, but when he sees people caring for him, he becomes happy and in a way, sentimental. He's not sure how to explain the way he feels, but he tries. I think I admire how he holds all the little things precious to his heart as he learns about them, and he wants to understand how to care for others and how they care for them in return. Even after six years, he still remains the most dear to me. I think that he now has a sentimental value to me, because even if I 'loved' another character more for a while, I will always come back to Ai. Ai deserves the world, and I'd give it to him if I could. He'll always be special to me, and I think that he very much deserves that.

From Maronda:

My love for Ai started after I found Shining Live by chance and started to play. At first I wasn't particularly attached to any of the characters and decided to go back and watch the anime to maybe remember some context other than who Starish was. When I got to the episode focused on Ai and his "secret" I was absolutely thrown off by it all. I ended up feeling like I had so many questions and I knew that the anime would give me little to no answers, so I frequently turned to rambling on the internet about it. Eventually, this fixation on weird things about him seemed to turn into a clear fondness for him, and friends made me realize just how much I liked him. Knowing the cold and often strange aspects of his personality was due to something out of his control was something I resonated with as someone on the autism spectrum. He reminded me of some of the ways I used to think and behave.

I also began to notice other things I loved about him. Things like how soothing I found his voice, the pleasant shade of light blue in his hair and eyes, how ridiculously pretty he is... but the best things are the endearing parts of his personality. Though he's somewhat harsh, he's still entirely genuine. His curiosity is absolutely precious and his occasional awkwardness in expressing emotion or understanding the emotions of others made me empathize with him. And if you look at the Ai in Shining Live and compare it to the Ai in the anime and games... he really has changed a lot and grown as a person. He now seems so much gentler and understanding, and he clearly values the friendships he has now too! I think he's a wonderful character and ever since friends of mine encouraged me to selfship I've essentially been in love with him, but it also makes me happy to see other people appreciate him for other reasons as well. He's just so lovable!

CAMUS

From @uta-no-fakku-sama:

At the very beginning of my UtaPri interest, Camus never really caught my attention. That is until he became my first My Only Prince UR. I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more ever since, and now he’s become my favorite QUARTET NIGHT member! Along the way, I learned more about him and realized he’s one of the more complicated characters to understand. Nonetheless, I absolutely adore him. I tend to tease and make fun of him a lot, but deep down I truly do like him a whole bunch!

From @/waddamaloooon on twt:

A little Camus appreciation post

(alternatively known as; how this guy managed to harshly take my heart and step on it like the gumin I am.)

Hello, this is Suikamaru, here to share a tiny story of why I, and eventually you, love Camus Rondo Cryzard.

At first glance, his looks appealed to me, but not his behavior (and ironically enough, his voice) so I didn't bat an eye on him. I've always been on a neutral leaning to dislike opinion on Camus, which is quite understandable because have you SEEN the way he acts. Unfathomable.

…..To a Young Suikamaru, that is.

I've grown, so naturally I've changed preferences regarding characters, ikemen, and who to stan and who to avoid like the plague. I will lie if I said that I expected to like that blonde confectionery devouring machine at any point of my life.

But it did happen so who are we fooling here.

It dawned on me that Camus is the type of character that you cannot appreciate unless you go in depth into his lore, backstory, and see him for who he really is. Because then everything else will make sense. And that never happened in my case until I started roleplaying as him.

I realized that he's not just a two faced, sweet toothed mean man. He's a perfectionist, someone who's always been raised since his childhood days to be nothing less than complete, who has locked on his heart and emotions to devote himself completely to the purpose given to him. He has the looks and brains for what though? He should be a little stupid honestly.

But his intelligence gave him the complexity that he just needed for his characteristics. Because as aforementioned, he's not someone to easily like or fall in love with. And I think that's quite rare in characters, and very much appreciated due to the fact it gives the fans a chance to not actually stay on a flat level of knowledge regarding their favorite characters.

I've slowly started to see myself in some aspects of him, which was the number one factor of liking him. Then came the Maeno magic when I realized Camus shares the same VA as another character that I love as well. (Hamelin, from SinoAlice.) From then, everything went downhill.

In a good way. I think..

Well, that is all from me, please read about this handsome man and appreciate his hard work both as an individual and as an idol. There is SO much to him that's p much overlooked and I'm getting broke from spending my money on his living expenses rent free in my head. Take him off my head.

#utapri #utanoprincesama #uta no prince sama #Reiji kotobuki #Kotobuki reiji #Ranmaru kurosaki #utapri camus #ai mikaze #mikaze ai #quartet night

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years ago

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Hi. May I rant here? If this give you a negative energy.. feel free to ignore this.

My mom passed away, early this year. And since then, my home is.. not feel like home anymore. The warmth of my house is gone. Everyone keep busy on their own. We only talk if there's something necessary, but if not, we are trapping ourself in room and busy with our own world.

Me, my father, and my brothers.. we are not close enough since I was a kid. My mom is the catalyst. She can make the family members interact and give my house warmth by her exists. So when she is gone now.. all the things remains is only the coldness.

And then.. my father knows a woman from facebook, that I know now she was his junior from highschool. He flirts, when there is no a month since my mom gone. I just... how can he flirts with other woman? How can he forgetting my mom that easy? How can he calls another woman by many sweet nicknames when my mom just passed away? Me and my brothers still keep crying for my mom till now, but how can he easily hit to other woman?

And last April, my father said he wants to marry this woman in August. He said, that he can't live alone, that he doesn't want to spend his remaining life all by himself. I'm so angry when heared that, once again; how can he move on from my mom that easy? I'm too angry to react, so I just keep silent and never think that conversation existed. My father never brought that topic again too, so I think okay everything is finished.

But now.. last Friday my father went to his hometown for a week. He said he only wants to take a break from work. I'm suspicious because.. he's looking for a suit while packing. Why does someone needs a suit for holiday? But I'm too scared to know the truth, so once again I just keep silent.

And last night.. my father sent a message to my family's group chat. He asked for our prayers because he is going to held a wedding last night. Just. How crazy. I just respond, 'how crazy u re' and I'm not open that group chat till now... idk what my father respond to that. This really breaks my heart.

I really can't imagine if he brings her to my home. I dont accept any stranger. I can't imagine too if she sleeps on my mom's bed... just. I don't know how my fathers thinking. Why he doesn't asked for his children's opinions? Why he decides something important just by himself? Why he can move on so easily? My mother passed away in January.. and he flirted on early Feb? I just.. dont understand what's on my father mind.

And now I know the other fact too. My big bro told me that family from my father side always provoke him, like, 'hei when are u getting married again?' 'dont u feel lonely just by your ownself?' etc etc. And the woman too, she just acted like a btch. She always bombarding my father with 'if u are serious, just come to my home'.. she asked my father to held this rush wedding. I really. really hate them.

I want to runaway from this house.. what does it mean to living in a place that feel like a hell. But now I'm in my final year at university and I don't have enough money to moved out. I don't have enough time too to find a job. I.. just want to graduated and get a job quickly so I don't have to depend on my father anymore..

How great my father gives me this pain when the only thing I wanna do is doing my final year in peace.

And I still playing the 'what if scenario'. What if my mom still here, I don't have to feel this pain. My home still be the safest place for me.

Uh sorry for this long essay... sorry for my rambles. And.. thank you for give a safe place for this bc I remember you wrote somewhere, that it's okay if someone wants to confide here. Tysm Kait.

I'm sorry for your loss, Anon. It's hard to go through a loss in your family, especially when it's a parent. I hope that you know that your mother is watching over you and wants you to live your best life as you can. Her presence is all around you, and you'll come to feel that when you think of her going forward. There will always be little signs and reminders of her love in your life, so never feel for a second that her love is gone. It exists within you and all around you. Your mother wants you to be happy, most of all. I hope that one day soon, you're able to feel happy like this.

I need to comment that your father is rushing into this. It's unfortunate for him and your family. He didn't talk to you or your siblings to see how you felt. If he simply ran off to get married without talking to any of you, that's heartless. You love your mother, and you all lost her. If he wants to date and remarry, he needs to slowly work on it and introduce you to his partner. This takes time, and it's not healthy to rush into another marriage after a loss. It just isn't right.

It sounds like your family shamed your father into a corner where he feels like he has no choice but to do this, and it seems like this other woman has ill intentions. You get married for love, not for anything else so, please, be on your toes and mindful going forward because this doesn't seem like a healthy situation.

Any sensible person would want to wait to get married until they knew the children and others in the family. You don't rush without knowing what you're getting into unless you could care less. That's just how I see it, though, maybe I'm reading into it too much. I don't want you to feel afraid!

Grief is hard. Your father is coping differently and his family isn't helping, either. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Take care of yourself. Talk about moving in with someone else if it gets hard, and if they'll let you. If not, keep your head low, start working as hard as you can and head to university when you're able to do so. You will be able to make a happy life for yourself in due time and don't feel bad if you need to leave.

Your needs come first in your life. You can do this. There's not a lot you can do to stop it or contend with it. It sounds like your father has made up his mind. So, you need to take care of yourself. Have faith in your future and happiness. I really hope you can get some grief counseling in the meantime, does your school offer it? It's worth asking.

#tw grief #tw death #tw depresssion #ask #anon #mod kait

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thequeenb · 4 years ago

Note

"Goodbye Poppy" Angst Pleaseee! Thank you

you asked for it anon

Poppy x MC

Never in a million years i would thought that i would actually have to leave my dream University but here i am packing my bags because reality hits harder than untouchable dreams. Zoe couldn't handle the sight of me packing, she is in her room crying, i mean who wouldn't? We have been through so much together

I can still hear her stupid laugh, i can still see her sarcastic smile, the hideous yet amused look she gave me when i lost, her words still ringing through my ears

"Have fun back in pig town Hughes" everyone laughed, everyone clapped except a few, within the large crowd i could spot some sad faces knowing well i have to leave

What's the point? This year has been hell, i was so focused on winning a stupid crown instead of expanding my academic knowledges and in the end all i am left with is nothing

I suddenly feel the walls consuming me, the T shirt i was folding is long forgotten as i grip tight at it. Flashbacks of each semester come crushing down like a thunderstorm on my mind. The Kick-off day, the halftime show, the frat parties, the endless nights i spent with Zoe and of course all these wasted hours i sat alone thinking about Poppy.

Tears form in my eyes and i try to blink them away. I have a lot of things to pack because my father will come pick me up soon. Gathering all my strength i finish packing and i decide to go for a walk and get some steam off of my body

The night air hits my face as i wrap my arms around my body protectively. What the fuck am i even doing? Its just a stupid university, except its not. I have so many memories here. I walk past the Zeta building and a shiver runs through my body

In my surprise i see Poppy sitting alone on a bench nearby and i turn around wanting to run for my life but i freeze when i hear her shaky voice call for me

"H-Hughes?" I sigh as i turn around walking towards her

"What do you want Poppy? rub your victory on my face? Its all over the T everyone knows no need to put on a show"

"I read on The T that you are leaving" she says returning back to her usual bitchy tone

"Yes i am going back to pig town, i hope your one braincell is satisfied" i scoff folding my arms as i feel my cheeks go red from anger

"Gosh you are annoying stop talking" she now buries her face in her hands. Wow wont your expensive make up get ruined Miss Min-Rich?

"I don't understand your frustration, you got what you wanted since day one and here you are being a bitch about it. If you honestly think i will feel bad--"

"Agh shut up! You don't understand!" Her tone now changed, but she looks at me in the eyes and i can see them shine under the moonlight

"Are you crying?" Without hesitation i approach closer tilting her chin up so she can meet my eyes, she doesn't pull away as i run my fingers across her face, yes she is crying

Poppy Min-Sinclair. The person who wanted to destroy me since she first laid eyes on me, the same person who wanted to murder me too many times during this year. Am i dreaming?

"Oh wow at least you have some humanity left in you" she pulls away from my grip and i sigh sitting next to her. I am so tired, i was packing for hours, confronting Zoe, reading all the hideous comments people left under T's update

"Something got in my eyes dont get so--"

Oh hell no. She made your life a living hell and you will sit here confronting her when she should be the one doing so? I dont think so Bea

"Ha! Do you think i actually care? I am leaving damnit! This was my dream University, a way to change my whole life and now what? I have to leave because of you!" These words come out of my mouth without realising and now i stand up running looking at the sky hopelessly

"Dont raise your vo--" she tries to speak but i cut her off again

"You don't get to talk. You tortured me, you made everyone turn their back on me and you have the audacity to cry?"

I pace in circles as i feel my anger flow through my veins. This is it, this is my reaching point. One more second and i will explode, Tic tac tic tac..

"You weren't crying when you were trying to humiliate me Infront of the whole university" i now pause sitting next to her. Her bittersweet perfume is filling my lungs and for a moment all i can do is stare at her messy hair and her weak posture. Maybe it doesn't sounds like something big but seeing Poppy like this? It kind of worries me

"When you were telling me how worthless i am, how i need to go back to my town, how i dont belong here..you never ever cried" i throw my hands in the air frustrated

"So why now huh? Or are these happy tears? If yes then Excuse me for interrupting your stupid celebration"

Taking a deep breath i can sense how tense she is just by looking at her body and hearing her shaky breaths, maybe she is the one on the verge of a meltdown

"I like you..i really do Hughes" she doesn't dare to look at me in the eyes, instead she stare at the night sky and time seems to stop

She likes me? Since when? All i can remember is all the awful situations she has put me through and BOOM, I can't handle my pain anymore. I stand up again looking at her with fury

"Oh you like me, yea awesome that makes so much sense!! If i knew fighting and bullying turns you on i would have made my move earlier"

"That's why i didn't want--" but once again she is cut off

"Oh don't you dare even say a word. Since i got here all you ever did was to manipulate me and every god damn student and do you know what i did?" I raise my voice intently, and before i can stop myself i continue

"I kept thinking..why is Poppy behaving like this? Who hurt her? Where did it all go wrong? I even felt bad for you, for who? For the most awful person that exists!!" Wow maybe i am going off way to hard but its either now or never

"And do you know what's the funniest thing of all? I like you too Poppy, i really do even after everything you have done"

This is the first time that she meets my eyes tonight and i can see fresh tears running down her face. Vulnerable Poppy is something rare, so i take a deep breath trying to calm myself down

"Why did you have to be so cruel?" My voice breaks as tears take over me. How could we let this escalate to something so terrible? How could we both hide our feelings so perfectly masking them behind hatred?

"You don't have to leave Bea" this is the first time she ever said my name. She always referred to me with my last name or other nasty nicknames her and her circle were thinking about

"The Dean already reached out, seems like your charm worked as always" i sigh wiping away my tears

I look at the sky again, noticing that it slowly changing colours. I am leaving today, i leave everything i have ever felt passionate about behind me, all because i lost at her game and got burned

"I should really get going, my father will be here 7 am sharp, I don't want the whole university watching me leave while cheering"

Poppy stands up with me adjusting her clothes. She might have not spoken a lot but her silence is actually enough for me to understand that this bothers her. I expected her to jump from happiness or throw a giant party to celebrate my absence but instead she looks like a mess

Before i can turn around and walk she stares at me for one brief second before crushing her lips against mine. Her strawberry flavour lip gloss mixed with her bittersweet perfume make my senses dizzy and i get lost in the sensation.

She pushes me away and i see now her mascara running "no waterproof mascara Miss Perfect?" I tease and i earn a little laugh off of her

"Shut up jerk" she leans in again giving me a soft peck on my lips and i melt against her. How can i possibly leave her behind?

So i lean in again giving her one last breathless kiss and once we part i whisper against her lips "Goodbye Poppy". My breath ghost her face and with all my willpower i push her slowly walking away.

Before i can turn my back on her i stop to take her in. Part of me will miss her attitude, her comebacks, the little fights. I scan her from head to toe making sure i will never forget such an enemy.

And then i turn around and i can feel the tears dropping uncontrollably. What happened to me? I was so mad and now look at me i am a mess for her. Despite the urge to turn around i can feel her eyes burning my back and i try pull myself together.

Walking away i let the memories brush away. I will never forget how much fun and adventure i have been through this university. Everything will now be a memory and i know fully that right now i am not just leaving a building behind, but friendships, a great future and do you know what else i leave behind? Poppy. I will miss you, but i hope you know that you are unforgettable.

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @coldbatfriendroad @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @dumb-jock-lesbian @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @justastranger-passing

#queen b #queen b poppy #poppy x mc #poppy min sinclair #choices fic #choices fanfiction #pb choices #choices #play choices #playchoices #queen b mc #queen bee #my fics

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mxthtea · 3 years ago

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heyhey!! welcome to the pond! you may know me as frig/friggy, tea, bug, pebble, or venny. nicknames are welcomed and encouraged as well! my pronouns are they/he/it and i’m panromantic (pan/ace) . as well as a minor. (nothing nsfw related asks then not sorry)

writing info: genshin masterlist

honkai masterlist

request status: closed (will be open once i finish them all) request info

art/edit info: all is on my art/edit acc @pebble-at-rivers i also run @dail-ei

#signal boost for things like donations and petitions #important for important news and advice. important things to keep in mind. send an ask if anything i post is untrue in these tags! i go through the notes of a post most of the time to check facts or find another helpful part of it but if it’s still wrong tell me please.

tags: frig screams = i talk but the tagging on these are inconsistent pebbles art = my art pebbles edits = my edits vennys tales = my writing

anon(s): ✨ anon, 🎐 anon

main interests: - genshin impact - honkai impact - resident evil (mostly leon n ethan) - dragalia lost - sky: children of the light - omori some other posts like bsd or pokemon will appear as well :)

dni: - usual criteria (anti lgbt+, all lives/blue lives matter, anti-acab, trump supporter, MAP/pedophile, prolife, apologists of any in the criteria, etc.) (includes panphobic, aphobic, biphobic, and others) - nsfw/kink centric - yandere/gore centric - anti selfship

byf: - i make a lot of typos (forget words in a sentence or just spell something wrong) that i don’t notice for ages - curse sometimes - please avoid using caps or emojis (specifically the face/expression emojis, im fine with any other) when talking or sending an ask to me - if a post has caps i’ll tag them, though i can forget sometimes. i try to avoid caps posts as i dislike them as well. - all of my writings are x reader unless stated otherwise - copypasta asks (send this to x people you think are cool, or anything like that) bother me and usually be responded with a gif or a simple answer. i’m not mad when i do that though so don’t get worried. - i don’t care for anon hate, whether i respond to it or not depends on my mood or what’s written

enjoy your stay at the pond !

#bugz ramblez #introduction post

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peachpety · 4 years ago

Text

me, myself, & i

@alxmeg, Hi sweetness! Thank you so much for tagging me. This was so much fun!

Name: Peach (my nickname since my day of birth), peachpety is my handle both here and on AO3.

Fandoms: HP, mainly, but Voltron was my gateway. I was a true lurker there, very fringe, and I don’t partake anymore. Drarry definitely is my #1, but I love rarepairs as well. Big fan of Captive Prince! I love webcomics, graphic novels, lovelovelove! Heartstopper, Eyes On Me, Boyfriends, Banana Scandal LOTS MORE lol. I support many artists on Patreon, and read vociferously on Tapas. If it’s got a Blond/Dark Hair pairing you can believe I’m ALL OVER IT.

Where you post: AO3 under peachpety, and here on tumblr.

Most popular oneshot: On AO3 it’s Draco L. Malfoy vs The Weasley Jumper and on tumblr it’s Psycho, both from my 31 Autumn Drarry Drabbles Series.

Most popular multichap: SOON COMING...? lol. I’ve not ventured into multi-chap yet, but things are in the works (looking at you 25 Days and Big Bang!)

Favorite story you've written so far: Oh gosh! I was asked recently to pick my favorite and I have to say...I love all my fics for different reasons. BUT I will say that my most recent fic for HP Sudsfest, Color Me Enamored, is my favorite. I had so much fun delving into emotions depicted as color, and I love writing a more mature, 40 year old Drarry.

Fic you were nervous to post: My Wireless fic, Love Found. Without hesitation, without question. It was my first Fest, my second only posting of fanfic ever, and I thought, sure, let’s pick a prompt from a fandom legend (and gift it to them! like hi, hello, you don’t know me. but HERE IS THIS THING I WROTE, gah), lemme re-write the Tower scene from HBP with our 16yo boys engaged in (off-screen, non-explicit) sexual activity and ALSO have a possibly triggering creepy character interaction. I’d lost my beta right from the start, and I was so green in the fandom and to fanfiction writing! I asked the few lovely, wonderful folks I’d interacted with for help, and they were lovely and wonderful (BLESS THEIR HEARTS). They had to talk me off the ledge many, many, many times. I nearly pulled the damn thing! I cried literal tears over this fic and cursed past me in the endeavor. It’s the one I fretted over the most, worked the hardest on...so yea. That One.

How you choose your titles: I usually pick from something in the story, words I’ve written or some theme or phrase that jumps out at me.

Do you outline: I am terrible at outlining. I write non-linear stream of consciousness...in all caps for first drafts. Lots of bullets. I’m starting to venture into outlining, however, for the chaptered things. And grumbling the entire time...

Complete: I’ve 45 completed works on AO3.

In progress: I’ve a series, Days of Our Magical Lives, in the works...Moving Day, the sequel to Laundry Day is nearly complete. I’m also planning and writing for 25 Days Advent.

Coming soon/not started: I’m SERIOUSLY considering Big Bang, though the word count scares the bejeezus out of me. And I’ve something I’d LOVE to do for LCD. Both are anon fests, so I can’t get into deets!

Prompts? I’ve never prompted, but it’s on my To Consider list for 2021. And I’m always open to prompts/asks to write! Things like art, pictures...even conversations on the Drarry Discord have sparked my inner creative gerbil to hop on its wheel. I had the MOST fun writing my Autumn Drabbles from prompts. I work best from prompts!!

Upcoming work you're most excited about: That would be the things I’ve planned for 25 Days Advent.

I am tagging @mystickitten42 @cdav @veelawings @thesleepiesthufflepuff @bonesliketambourines @static-abyss @curlyy-hair-dont-care @shealwaysreads @thusspoketrish and any one else who wants to join! tag me so i can read your responses!

Apologies for cross posts, and as always, no obligations!

#about me #this was fun!

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trippy-xylophone · 3 years ago

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I’ve been tagged

tagged by @maddingcrowd thanks my mutual buddy 😍

1. Why did you choose your url? // Trippy was my childhood nickname and Weasley because I was a huge harry potter fan growing up!

2. Any sideblogs? // I have my art blog but I dint really use it anymore nothing ever got any notes 😥

3. How long have you been on tumblr? // Before 2012 at least but that was back when my brother an I shared an account, we each got our own in 2014 I think?

4. Do you have a queue tag? // YES, when I remember anyway haha its #iknowhowtoqueueimbritish

5. Why did you start your blog originally? // Because this website is hilarious

6. Why’d you choose your icon? // That be my face 😘

7. Why’d you choose your header? // That be my art 🥰

8. What post of yours has the most notes? // I think a pretty selfie got quite a few at one point? Can’t remember 😅

9. How many followers do you have? // 500ish I’m not one of the greats... yet

10. How many people do you follow? // about 300ish? A LOT of artists

11. Have you ever made a shitpost? // Naw I’m more of a lurker, gotta give notes to the people with comedic talent!

12. How often do you use tumblr each day? // 3+ hours haha I literally spend all my breaktime on here when I'm at work

13. Have you ever argued with another blog? // Nope, I’ve got some weird anons tho, I just don't have the energy to argue with you I'll just ignore it and If I find out i’m following a terf or a trump supporter I've just silently unfollowed them...

14. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this post”? // If its actually good sure. It depends I dont do the guilt trippy ones tho

15. Do you like tag games? // ALWAYS! It feels like a long distance hug/chat with the mutuals (✿◡‿◡)

16. Do you like ask games? // AS I said YES!!!

17. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? // defo @rainbowsvomit and @toast-gh0st has made quite a few funny viral memes and shitposts 😆

18. Do you have a crush on a mutual? // Naw I don't think i’m on here enough to get a feel for people... But if anyone wants to date me yes please 😄

that was so fun! I’m tagging @toast-gh0st @arts-and-maths @invisibletripwire @thatiswhy @robotnikholmes @catboyarcher @the-golden-trash-can-tm @lupathetitan my most active mutual friendos go forth!!

Anyone else can do it as well if you like (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ xxx

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juchumice · 4 years ago

Note

How do you get so many asks omg

I HAVE NO IDEA TBH!!! i think i’m just SUPER DUPER LUCKY 4 PPL WHO STILL INTERACT /W ME, EVEN THOUGH I DONT POST ART MUCH ANYMORE CCC:

and prob cause i try 2 answer them all?? big accts like corndog patrol and nartothelar prob get 10 BILLION GAJILLION ASKS all the time but they dont answer them all CAUSE THATLL BE INCREDIBLY HARD AND TIME CONSUMING

i myself have some asks abt seiichi and one other abt erasermic i havent answered yet SINCE IM HOPING ILL ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING 4 THEM AND FINALLY GET DOWN 2 ANSWERING IT LATER ON!!

honestly, i can say that maybe its cause i reference ppl personally? IDK THE ANONS I HAVE/HAD WHO CONSISTENTLY SENT ASKS IS/WAS THEO, PORKFULOFART, AIZAWAS TOES, AND HEADPAT!! (or at least those were the names assigned 2 them THERE R MORE THEY DONT HAVE NAMES YET THO SINCE I WOULD LOVE LOVE LOVE 4 ANONS 2 SAY WHAT THEIR NICKNAME IS!!)

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laceymorganwrites · 4 years ago

Note

Okay disclaimer: red fish memory just to warn. 1)So I found you a few months ago while searching for some nnt content. 2)Idk if it's THE first fic but "story of the sad" was one of the first I've read. 3)I follow u as an anon who doesn't have a hecking blog. 4)I would say you are one of the rare author I read who dont really care about having more likes than reblogs. 5)we interacted through asks and you were nice. (1/2) -Sarah

6)in terms of scenarios I'll say story of sad and inarazaki hell and hcs the nic/alex one. 7)I really wanna see how my bnha dream would turn out if you ever decided to write for it. 9)again the nic/alex hcs do you know how desperate I was when every gangsta writing I found were or stopped/not write for anymore or on hiatus since years, the last gangsta writer that was still active stopped writing for it debut 20. 13)I'm native French and Idn to translate (2/3) -Sarah

14) IN MY HEAD I call you/write lacey and use she pronouns and idk when I read the last writer reblog you did and you preferring ace well does it bother you when you hear that or is it okay? -Sarah

aww that´s so nice to know!

I remember teh times when nnt was my most liked fandom and I only got requests for it and quite honestly...it got tiring at some point cause it was so much!

But then again, I know that many people follow me because of that and I´m very grateful for that

Yeah! I never cared nor will I ever care abt the amount of notes I get, I just appreciate every single one of them so much!

Tumblr for me is my safe space and I just publish my hobby, that´s why I don´t really interact with any fandoms here...you can still always dm me, I´ll always answer and would love to get to know you guys better! (you could also join my discord server haha, I´ll try to be more active there too)

um yeah, about that last point!! Really important haha!

I came out yesterday but totally forgot to come out here, so I just quickly changed my bio without really announcing anything

but bottom line is: I´m a guy and would like you guys to use male pronouns as well as call me Ace

I used to also reply to female pronouns cause I´m afab and don´t have dysphoria, but it´s just not right. I´m not female, I´m male and please refer to me as he/him or Ace or any other nicknames you want to

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anti-pasto · 4 years ago

Note

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon:

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of

191: My 1st car was: 94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4 xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

181: On my calendar: i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can.

177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already

121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

120: Gay Marriage: be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy.

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition.

105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

97: Swam in a pool: last week

96: Changed a diaper: never

95: Got my nails done: never

94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band?

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well.

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

28: Band: fall out boy

27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

23: Website: tumblr or youtube

22: Animal: snow leopard

21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

10: Restaurant: chiplote

9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

3: Comedian: john maulaney

2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

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