#i dont have an excuse to put off this essay now tho......fuck

[matoitech]

actually im just gonna list some shit out right now that i cant get out of my brain. its not one of those things i think ppl should necessarily check out for themselves to see what i mean, cuz its not like FUN bizarre or bad choices. some things r understandable for being like an indie furry novel but some things r just so atrocious or nonsensical you dont get a pass

theres a lot like just vaguely weird bullshit that the author brings up in the text like 'yeah i know it sounds weird but just dont worry about it!' (ex: the bio soldiers arent really siblings, but theyre kiiiinda siblings, or at least SOME of them view each other that way, but the ones that need to not view each other that way for the romances in the plot dont???) and youre just like, well, this was Written by someone, you CHOSE to write it that way when you did not need to, so am i supposed to just assume you wrote it that way for a reason? or did you just genuinely not think that far ahead? theyre grown in a vat, you didnt have to do this

so many things in this that did not have to be there at all and at the timeid think 'maybe this is there for a reason and is going to be explored later, maybe its there on purpose to be weird and Say Something about the character doing it or whatever' but it was not. some examples off the top of my head that i wont get into further bcuz this post is long enough as is: bryce and the creepy guard on the space prison (homophobic stereotypes that make me wonder what the hell is going on w the i ASSUME gay dude writing this), shep telling kesondra who was a teenager at the time she was 'mature for her age' w writing that makes me wonder how the hell that was meant to read (HOW DID ALARM BELLS NOT GO OFF? ARE WE SUPPOSED TO /LIKE/ SHEP?), bryce not recogizning holly now as an adult woman as the kid he saved once and other characters making jokes abt him flirting w her (THE CHARACTERS DONT KNOW, BUT THE READER KNOWS. HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO COME OFF?) why r u making these stupid in universe explanations for what feels like either a poor attempt at 'oh gross, thats weird in context!' 'jokes' later, or you just wanting an excuse to be weird or something?

two of its most massive glaring issues were present with like, the first chapter, when i realized this adult novel said a made up work for 'fuck' in the furry dog universe, and they say the made up word for fuck a LOT, and women are written so bad i thought i stepped backwards into the 1950s. the way women r written is way worse than them not saying the word fuck but it stands out so much i couldnt not mention it

i rly cannot stress the bizarre way the like 4 women in this book r treated enough. their interactions with other women and internal monologues have that pretty typical 'guy who has never rly given much thought to women as People thinks women feel about themselves and each other and their bodies etc' thing. i mean im saying this as a guy but its very blatant and basic misogyny its not hard to notice when ur also a man and point out. theyre referred to as 'dogesses' instead of dogs (dog is only reserved for the men, i guess) so u know right out the gate what brand of misogyny is going down. i dont think any of them have been described as wearing pants the entire book (apparently all women in this wear dresses). the male characters will randomly call them shit like either 'sweetheart' or 'bitch' apparently and it doesnt feel like youre supposed to think the guys r weird or creepy or shitty for this??? maybe shitty for the bitch thing but sweetheart honey darlin gets by totally fine? theyre not getting decked for that?

THE POTENTIAL RAINE HAS AS A CHARACTER THAT ISNT EXPLORED AT ALL MAKES ME WANT TO PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A WALL. I COULD WRITE A WHOLE OTHER ESSAY. i will say this tho, if i was writing this she would be trans

im like 400-500 (i dunno i havent checked) pages into the book and i cant really figure out a read on most of the politics in something that i was under the impression would be kinda political drama-y. theres like, a startling lack of politics in a book that DESPERATELY needs politics. i dont think the author has really wanted to worldbuild that far so you just get implications that there are politics going on, or the characters tell you that directly, or plot points happen that MUST be politically driven, but god forbid you find out why, i guess. maybe at the end.

indie furry novels need editors really really bad. it does that thing stuff thats really long that doesnt need to be that long does where it wanders around for 100 pages and then suddenly some shit is introduced and you can FEEL the author remembering the plot or realizing that he forgot to explain something 300 pages ago. some of the characters suddenly all start talking abt their sexualities like midway thru it bcuz the author forgot to mention it before, i guess? its kind of hard to tell when someone is actually gay or bisexual or when the other characters are just being homophobic for some reason. there r bases for good characters and story and worldbuilding but it doesnt reaaaally want to get into it enough for ALL its words and pages to make all that meandering feel worth it

i understand that so much of this is apparently just like middle aged british (??) cisgender (i assume, i would be in MISERY if this guy wasnt cis and writing like this) gay man male power fantasy and the extremely buff dudes he finds attractive but there is so much like lack of introspection the author has done and too much 'i did this cuz i thought it was hot and not bcuz it made ANY sense at all' like i am NOT against stuff existing in media bcuz the author thinks it'd be fun or sexy (when its done like, without being bigoted or smth, obviously) but when characters that r meant to be very smart do not think through like very basic things most ppl would think about (sasuke doesnt want to fuck w the x dogs programming too much and possibly ruin them, but he doesnt think anyones going to notice him bringing the same dogs back to life over and over, being the same age, and those dogs being MASSIVELY FUCKING HUGE AND RIPPED SUPER SOLDIERS? nostalgia can only explain away leaving them basically untouched and sasuke not caring if anyone noticed so much. i know theyre mostly penned but you'd think they'd take more precautions. they really dont give a fuck tho for some reason) and the book doesnt really want to ask those questions i just think like why didnt u get this edited??

the amount of ableism in this makes me feel like this man has literally never spoken to or seen a disabled person around him at all ever in his life. but theres just an undercurrent of general 'intersectionality isnt a word in my vocabulary' so thats kind of a given

the x dogs r also 'out of the box' as adults but the way theyre written w age and development and stuff is very weird i really could write a whole other thing about this

the fade to black sex scenes r so embarrassing for something that screams written for adult men. you cant even say fuck

theres like a moment when toby, a gay male character whose clothing style seems to be vaguely androgynous says smth like 'im not THAT far gone' as a joke about wearing heels or something. i hated it. that sentence encapsulated most of my biggest problems w this book bcuz it really just feels like this author has never bothered to talk to literally anyone with an even remotely different life experience than him. its also giving internalized homophobia like half the time. its so confusing i cant even tell if this was meant to be transphobic, bcuz again youre meant to LIKE these people

there r literally so many interesting things you could say about characters that are LIVING WEAPONS and how they feel about this, the dehumanization theyve experienced at the hands of the state or scientists creating and using them for war etc, but for some reason it doesnt really want to 'say' much of anything, at least so far?? its BOGGLING. there r probably way more things i could expand on or talk about (i could talk about specific characters even) but i need to cut myself off. i feel like i have more thoughts about what any of this Means than the guy writing it had writing like almost a thousand pages or whatever of Words

so i have been reading dogs of mars for like a full year bcuz its a Lot to get thru not even in length (tho yes its long) but in that a lot of the time its taken me so long bcuz ive had to put it down and just sit there thinking 'what was this guy thinking? what is going on?' ive been finishing it at all mostly bcuz i think i need to write a collection of my thoughts once im done. which mostly means my criticisms. because wow i have a lot of thoughts.

[brxk]

tag meme! 

i got tagged by both @shinyrifle n @ceifeed! tytyt i love doing these things even if this ones ABSURDLY LONG 

ima tag anyone who wants to do it! just say i tagged u in it i wanna look at it too 

Objective: Answer these 85 statement about yourself, then tag others

LAST

drink - water phone call - sister text message - my cousin i was telling him ima get him a gstring thong as a present

song you listened to - plain jane

time you cried - yesterday i was putting some vaporu on my chest cuz i had a stuffy nose n scratched my eyes shit STUNG couldnt see at alllll 

EVER

dated someone twice - nah kissed someone & regretted - sorta been cheated on - no lost someone special - not reallyyyy been depressed - whew gotten drunk and thrown up - too many times 

FAV COLOURS

blue pink red

IN THE LAST YEAR, YOU…

made new friends - yea! fallen out of love - no laughed until you cried - always found out someone was talking about you - nah met someone who changed you - sure? ig  found out who your friends are - uhhhhh this is vague   kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no! 

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all but like 5 or 6 do you have any pets - a cat n a blue nose pit do you want to change your name - yea something still spanish but less UGLY what did you do for your last birthday - i slept the entire day what time did you wake up today - 8am what were you doing at midnight last night - studying/watching kdrama what is something you can’t wait for - SUMMER!!!!!!!!!  what are you listening to right now - nothing really  have you ever talked to a person named tom - yea he was one of my karate instructors he was mad white n weird like that dad who’s intensely into fixing things but its karate instead. didnt like him  something that’s getting on your nerves - PEOPLE. and my feelings lmao  most visited website - twiiter hair colour - black long or short hair - long do you have a crush on someone - do passing crushes count?  what do you like about yourself - my car want any piercings - maybe in the summer! i really want my canine bites back n maybe more ear piercings  blood type - O- i think?   nicknames - family call me marcel friends call me marcy relationship status - single zodiac - virgo pronouns - they/them  fav TV shows - the wire! tattoos - nah right or left handed - right ever had surgery - nope sports - not really  piercings - i had canine bites the holes still there just never put in the jewerly! also gauged earlobes n other piercings on my ear.

vacation -  all the dam time

trainers - ahhhhh

MORE GENERAL

eating - just had a sandwich drinking - r/n a starbucks vanilla doubleshot  about to watch - im watching weightlifting fairy kim bok joo! waiting for - me to start n finish this fucking essay  want - some more confidence maybe a dash of personality also A BUTT get married - I dont really care  career - atm im studying to get into my college’s rn program. im pretty adamant about being a rn in the future but beyond that i also want to become an illustrator part time. like a side job ya kno. 

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses - kisses lips or eyes - lips shorter or taller - taller older or younger - older i dont ever want ANYONE telling me shit  nice arms or stomach - stomach hookup or relationship - relationship troublemaker or hesitant - idk im like hesitant a lot of the times unless im fucking with someone or bored

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger - nah drank hard liquor - yah lost glasses - THE OCEAN TOOK MY GLASSES  turned someone down - all the time  sex on first date - no broken someone’s heart - nah i dont count creeps n stalkers they dont have a heart had your heart broken - nah been arrested - not yet  cried when someone died - no fallen for a friend - nah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself - not especially just cuz i kno this bitch is MESSY n lazy  miracles - sure  love at first sight - yea santa claus - no kiss on a first date - if it feels right angels - like holy? nah

OTHER

best friend’s name - hhhhhhhmmmmm  eye colour - black fav movie -  idkkkk  fav actor - wood harris probably??? idk 

[fucker-anon]

Bloody Painter Headcanons

am i gonna write about helen even tho no one cares? fUCK YEA @creepy-bi-day hope you enjoy. Im still not a writer sorry :/. also my personal hcs, its okay to disagree. Also dark themes again. 

Bloody Painter

Backstory:

was born on Oct 1st, 1980, fully name Helen Otis

mother is white, father is Japanese

is an only child. Helen’s parents had a very difficult time in getting pregnant like yeeeaaars (10 ish) and they also really wanted a girl. Like in their head, they would be getting a girl. and when they did get pregnant the ultra scan did show a girl. so they were in shock when a boy popped out. 

they no likely. Since helen’s mom was a teacher, they decided to raise the boy as a girl and simply homeschool them until they had to go to college, once there they could simply transition into a girl. This is how they thought trans people were so they thought they’ll do the same to get a girl (This was obliviously wrong)

so they tried to do that but mother couldn’t get the needed forms and paperwork to homeschool Helen so they had to go to school. so their parents decided the best thing to do was to make them as manly as possible in 6 months. so everything pink and girl (lots of which were comfort items like plushies, and art things) were thrown out in front of poor 6 year old Helen who didn’t understand what was happening. Helen couldn’t do art, couldn’t wear certain clothes, couldn’t say certain things. punishments weren’t physical but there was a lot of yelling.

around the 3 month before school started, their parents decided that maybe Helen should meet their grandparents (parents kept giving excuses why they couldn’t visit). everything was going swell until the grandparents on the father’s side asked why name their BOY a GIRL name. before the parents could say anything, helen said “cause im a girl?” ... yaaaa queerphobic grandparents and little helen didn’t get along. plus helen was white passing so asian grandparents blamed their mom.

parents cut contact with the grandparents, and yelled at helen a lot. (poor bby) this mental abuse continued over 3 months and caused helen to stop talking and start repressing a lot of his feeling which his parents encouraged cause “”bOYs donT hAve fEeLinGs”���

in school, the parents told the teacher that there was a mix up when filling out his name and that they should call him Otis. Of course one teacher messed up and called him Helen, and then they got a lot of comments form their peers, but they learned not to say that they were a girl at this point. 

helen was lightly bullied for his name, and when they tried to tell a teacher they were told to “man up :))” 

and so more repressing feelings

it wasn’t until middle school where someone (a kid who they later learned was named tom), stole and planted a watch of another girl into helen’s bag. This meant helen’s bullying got a lot worse. Before it was a comment here or there, now it was physical and a lot often. this is also when he began to develop symptoms of anxiety and depression.

he slowly became friends with Tom, who was also bullied a lot. But one day Tom took Helen to the roof where Tom confessed into planting the watch. Helen was very upset, and the two started to argue when Tom slipped off the edge, Helen tried to hold on to Tom, but Tom let go of his hand. Tom dead.

there was an investigation done, and Helen wasn’t in trouble as some students and teachers said how they saw him hold onto Tom. The school was given a speech about how bullying was bad, and tried to get things back to normal. Helen’s bully did die down, tho lots of ppl tried to spread rumors about how he pushed Tom. 

his parents were more upset over how this would look and not about Helen’s mental health. Helen never told them about the bulling. 

When high school started, the bullies acted as if nothing happened. and on Halloween, Helen snapped and killed 5 of the main bullies. He was caught and sent to a mental hospital. 

so you think that finally, Helen can get the help they need right :)). ahhah no....

so the hospital did diagnose Helen with depression and a mild case of anxiety, but basically put them on pills. the actually therapist had a very hard time getting Helen to open up. this is because the on their first session helen started with his gender identity, and the therapist told him “look you are biologically a boy, so you must be a boy :))” and when they said that sometimes he felt more comfortable when they were more fem, they was told that was wrong. 

so helen shut up like a clam cause they did not feel safe with this guy

at least they learned how to somewhat manage their depression and anxiety :)

once helen turned 18 he was released, and Helen decided to be an artist and not kill. but he saw another one of his bullies and said fuck it.

slender saw and was like “i like this child. imma adopt them”

and Helen joined the mansion

Personality:

look Helen was mocked and betrayed by basically every person in their life, they don’t trust ppl

they are nice, but they don’t new people

if you’re nice they’ll be nice, if you’re mean they’ll be mean, simple

cold hearted, look if you are neutral to them and get run over by car they wont do anything. the world was shit to them, they’re shit back.

quiet. like Helen could be inches away and you still won’t hear them

buttttt if you get close (good luck) you see a passionate, kinda nerdy, very kinda touch starved, sarcastic person who just lived a shitty life. 

Fun Facts:

k mans has a 6 inch dick, 7 when hard, but is thick, and stretches you out-

*cough* moving on-

bi sexual. Helen has a very hard time acknowledging romantic feelings but is down to date the girls, gays and theys. again good luck getting there but it may happen.

gender fluid Helen has come a long way and their gender identity has ranged from girl, boy, both, none and yes. They’ve settled on gender-neutral pronouns but doesn’t hate being called she/her or he/him usually. On a bad day, they can’t say the same. 

Called them painter. The only ppl who can called them by their birth names are ppl who are close to them. On fem days, they like Helen. On masc days, they like Otis. Sometimes they don’t care, sometimes they just wanna be called painter. If you’re not sure and you actually care just ask, he’ll say what day it is. usually they dress accordingly, but still if you’re not sure ask, they’ll prefer it.

Speaking of clothes, the fit??? is on point???? like imagine dark academia with more blues, blacks and tans. Helen looks like the protagonist of a boarding school au.

they will wear skirt and dresses and corsets, and do they’re (slightly basic) hair and makeup.

some creeps (jeff) tried to make fun of helen for this. And when you look at Helen you dont think that they’re much of a fight. Helen’s lean and kinda thin (kid doesn’t eat a lot), but Helen did karate for year cause their dad wanted their “perfectly normal son” to do something manly and kinda close to their culture. Helen learned how to fight with a very good guard and how to be very fast but not so much strong. Wasn’t until he got out of the mental hospital did he learn about pressure points, specially those that dont need a lot pressure :) you see where this is going. 

Basically Helen is that one movie character who touches a spot on someone's neck and they pass out. (this is the best i can describe it, they dont do this exactly but similar things) 

also very talented at art and arty things. like annoyingly good. he’ll try wood craving and make amazing things after only learning about it an hour ago. Current draws online and does online commissions to pay for his coffee

actually likes hunting, not with gun but with like bows an arrows. they dont hunt often cause they like animals

has to finish whatever they’re working on. please force this baby into bed

has a coffee addiction

likes classical music and lofi. 

dont talk about the whole painting with blood thing, they were 14, it was cringey, they know

hair is like chin length ish, its black with waves, so if they wanna be masc they can tie it up and when its fem, they can let it down and straighten it 

forgets to eat, feed them

k this is long. As you can see I can also write a whole essay about Helen. I will write about Helen’s and Johnny friendship, along with the other creeps later. but im tired. 

[heesgf]

bad boy! byounggon

a long but cute and fluffy bad boy bullet scenario :’))) pls read

this is my bullet scenario debut so im rlly gonna try and make it pop let’s get it

OK SO mr byounggon is a little bit of a bad boy, mostly because he’s not super loud, and he doesn’t necessarily make his presence known all the time... so he’s kinda just ,,, in quiet disapproval of everything

u could be laughing rlly loud with ur friends and being rlly obnoxious in the hallway but when he walks by ur kinda like.. O shit be quiet!!!212!!... bc ur not tryna have him roll his eyes at u (bc he will)

I think he’s partially so reserved bc ppl dont talk to him bc they’re scared,,, but bby just thinks ppl dont like him so he’s a lil :’((( about it

Lowkey but highkey everybody thinks he’s rlly hot!! One time a girl tried to impress him by vaping in his face and he was just like... bitch Tf... ಠ_ಠ... pls step away

He’s ALWAYS late to class bc he’s polishing the handles of his motorcycle and somehow none of the teachers are bothered

He’ll just pop in like 30 minutes into class, in the middle of a class discussion about why technology is ruining the planet; the teacher will give one look, smile at him, and then it’s all chill & dandy

Which is fucking RUDE bc one time u were late to class bc u got the RUNS at the end of P.E.,,,, and she was merciless!! She hit u with the “30,000 word essay due tonight” bitch!!!

Injustice™

So he’s late for the 3904390th time one day, and you’re super mad!! The second he walks in you feel urself fuming, and u turn to ur friend Junkyu who’s already giving u the 👀

Ur SO MAD u start going off,,, and ur like “that fucking jerk he’s always late and ms. johnson doesn’t give a single fuck... in FACT ! she loves his ass. This isn’t fair, honestly im gonna bring this to the principal”

And junkyu’s just cackling away bc ur doing The Most right now, and honestly ur kinda loud, so ppl just are looking @ u like “ .....? ...? are u ok ?? ?”

The answer is no

So ur talking ur shit storm all the way thru your teacher’s instructions, and she introduces a partner project (#cliche am i right)

Junkyu’s already grasping ur hands bc ur his ride or die

But before y’all can start giggling in harmony bc best friends forever, Ms. johnson gives u this rlly fat smirk, and she’s like “hehe... im making partners”

Thats when ur soul dies bc u happen to have the Worst Luck when it comes to partner assignments

Ur always partnered with that one dude that excuses himself to go to the bathroom, but then just vapes outside for 46 minutes,,, and u have to do the WHOLE thing urself,,, and ms johnson just bats her eyelashes and gives u one of these :-) “is there an issue?” and ur just like “:/// no im ok”

(ur not ok)

THIS TIME she’s looking around the classroom, and she starts pairing ppl up

When she pairs junkyu up with this other girl u feel like ur about to have a stroke,,, he gives u a sad lil frown and now ur in ur #feels

Suddenly ms Johnson points right @ you and she’s like “YOU!”

And right at that moment, mr byounggon gets up so he can go polish his bike handles for the 89th time this morning

And she’s like “(y/n) and byounggon, u guys are partners”

Ur like :o

He’s like :o

Ms. johnson’s like XD lolz :P!!!

Junkyu squeezes ur hand one last time, and he’s like “pls dont kick his ass plz, u don’t have the arm strength”

And ur like “PLS~~~~he might LOOK tough but he’s probably a rlly lame loser....” and then junkyu scurries away to another table group

Byounggon walks toward u

And as he’s walking ur crossing ur arms, and mumbling under ur breath, ‘god why ME, WHY’

Ur interrupted from ur sad hour bc byounggon yanks the chair across from u and finally sits his ass down,,,,

He’s looking outside the window,, probably @ his bike, honestly they’re a ship, #byounggbike

U kinda just look at him, absorb everything,, ur like “o dam... he DOES look tough”

His hair is jet black and messy but somehow perfect? He’s got this silver cross earring that dangles down from one ear, and when he lifts his hand to scratch his face, u notice the silver rings on his hands... and ur like... hmm kinda sexy...

Ur in ur own world, just staring at his VRY plump lips that are literally the perfect colour... no lip products needed damn

And the longer u stare, u realize his eyes are kinda sparkly? And his teeth are perfect? And he as a rlly cute long neck

In the middle of ur trance, byounggon’s so confused, honestly a little bit offended, bc ur just staring at him with ur eyebrows knitted, rlly intently, like ur analyzing him

He narrows his eyes and he’s like “what!”

U kinda jump in ur seat and ur like shit fUCK, he must be so weirded out by me rn (he is)

Ur mouth is agape, and u dont rlly know what to say, so u DONT SAY ANYTHING

And that makes him MORE frustrated

He’s like “WHAT are u looking at!”

And ur like

“SFOSJDFIOS... ur eyes are rlly pretty!”

For a second he thinks ur joking

But u look at him so expectantly, and ur cheeks are FLUSHED, so he thinks u might be serious; ur heart is beating 3430430 miles per hour, and u gulp,

But listen -- u HAD to say it-- bc ur mama taught u to give compliments when u think them! She’s a nice lady

Anyways back to the story

Ur definitely about to go into cardiac arrest

And ms johnson’s just sitting behind her desk like 👀🍵

Byounggon’s quiet for a moment

And for a Hot Second™ u think ur about to get ur ass BEAT (not physically, but verbally ;))

But then u notice the tops of his ears are turning a rlly deep red, and he averts his eyes downward

He mumbles a rlly rlly rlly quiet “ .. thanks”; and he says it so fast u almost miss it, but he sAID IT!

Then it’s quiet again and the level of awkward is so intense u want 2 die

Junkyu looks over to you from his table and he’s thinking ‘shit some real shady business must have gone down bc they wont even LOOK @ each other”

Little does he know.....

So u clear ur throat suddenly like “AHEM ok,,, we should probably work on this”

And he’s like “aight”

he seems so tough when he says things like that, but he was such a shy boy two seconds ago

So you guys get started

And it’s basically a project where you introduce the other person to the class with a video... so u rlly gotta get to know each other, and bond and all that cute stuff

And u already KNOOOOO if u dont do well, ur gonna face ms. johnson’s wrath, so ur really invested in doing a good job

And as an added BONUS!!! Ms. johnson says the group that does the best job on the project doesn’t need to take part in the final exam

And ur like BOOOOOYAHH!!! Bc final exams always fuck u over, and u go down like 5% just bc u momentarily lose ur mind and suffer

So ur #dedicated

In this beginning, byounggon rlly doesn’t open up that much, and ur genuinely concerned because it seems like ur going to be making a five minute video about how much he loves his bike (hint: A LOT)

But then u make a rule!! Ur like “hehe... no more bike talk.. Okay?”

And that’s when the Good Stuff comes out

You learn all this wild shit about byounggon

U go down the list of questions miss johnson gave ya’ll and you’re learning all about how  how he likes writing songs, and composing music, and for some weird reason, he rlly likes bowling

Then ur like “whats ur fav body part”

He looks @ u rlly funny, and he’s kinda chuckling, giving u the “uhh are u sure that’s a question, or are u just curious?”

Ur FLABBERGASTED

You shove the paper in his face and you point at the question like a crazy person and he puts his hands up and he’s like “DAMN ok i get it”

Ur not rlly mad tho... homeboy’s got #jokes

He forces a smile, and then he juts out his finger at his cheek

And he’s like

“I like my Dimple.. It’s pretty impressive tbh”

U kinda just wanna bug him so ur like “mmm nah i dont think it’s all that impressive... not that cute” (ITS RLLY THAT CUTE THO)

He pretends to be rlly offended, and he sticks his tongue out and kinda bites it

Like tHIS:

Mr byounggon is NOT having ur sass today !

Ur trying to keep a straight face but FUCK he looks rlly hot in this moment, and suddenly, ur thinking... “fav body part.... Every part!”

He laughs it off, and he’s like, “nah dude, u have to see it in The Moment! That’s when you’ll respect The Dimple”

U deadpan at him bc.... LMFAO did he rlly just say “respect The Dimple”

Yes queen he did

U guys continue like this for a while, until the bell rings, and after, he scratches the back of his neck, and he’s struggling to make eye contact

When he looks like this, u rlly start to wonder how ppl could think he ever looked intimidating,,, bc GOD when his cheeks are a light shade of pink, and his eyes are wandering, and his hands are shaky, he looks so frickin CUTE

He’s like... “so u want start filming @ ....atmyhouselater...?”

Ur like w o t did u just say sir

And he’s like: “do u want to start filmingatmyhouselater!!!”

The classroom is loud bc ppl are shuffling outside, and he’s talking so fast, and honestly, ur just distracted by the hair that’s shifting in and out of his eyes... sparkly eyes... ANYWAYS

Ur like... “byounggon... pls enunciate” !!!

FINALLY,,, smoothly and clearly,,, he says “wanna start filming at my place later?”

And ur shook

But SO EXCITED

Bc u’ll see the Home of Byounggon

Ur like “hehe... yeES”

And then he’s like “ok cool” and fucking BLASTS OUT THAT CLASSROOM LIKE NO TOMORROW

For a second ur kinda shook bc damn.... Does he not have whiplash???

U turn around and u have this fucking goofy smile on ur face

Junkyu slowly walks up to and he’s like “... is it just me, or do you look happy after talking to... byounggon?”

U look @ him in distaste

“It’s just u bitch!”

He can’t know... . ... . . YET.

***TIME SKIP BBY*****

During lunch, u spilled to Junkyu about all the shit that went down with byounggon, and how u were feeling kinda gushy

When u told him u were gonna go to byounggon’s after school, he lost his damn mind

He was like: “take pictures and send them to me PLZ”

U were like: “TF NO!.... hehe ok maybe”

After school, u give junkyu a fat hug bc he’s a cuddly koala bear, and he wishes you good luck!! Then u run to ur locker and try and act cool

Byounggon pops into the hallway a few seconds later, and he raises his eyebrows @ u, and gestures toward the door

U try not to RUN over to him, and restrict urself to a respectable speed walk

He kinda chuckles bc ur .... cute.

U guys both walk outside and ur anticipating his mom to kinda just appear and drive u both to his place,,

No bitch

That’s not happening

U guys walk out to the side of the school, and u see the world famous #byounggbike

He shoots you a thumbs up and he’s like “mm ok so just hop on!”

Ur like

“Ha a ha .. wh at?”

He smirks all cocky, and he’s like “what? You’ve never rode a motorcycle before or something?”

Ur like. “HA! Whaaaaaaat? Of COURSE i ride motorcycles... in fact, i ride them... . . allllways...”

And he’ s like .......... ok shutup and get on

So u pop ur cute butt onto the seat, and he gets on, and he’s like: “okay, make sure u hold on rlly tight, ok? It can be dangerous”

U kinda scoff bc damn... he’s doing The Most rn isn’t he? So ur all like “PSSHHHTT... i dont even need to im a natural--”

And suddently u dont even have time to let out a breath bc homebody just GOES

IMMEDIATELY u latch ur arms around his waist and ur shutting ur eyes rlly tightly and screaming like “WTF HOW COULD U DO THAT WITHOUT A WARNING”

When he slows down @ the red light, u can FEEL his smirk from the backseat, and he’s like “o well u said ur a pro so i just... went?”

U want to smack his stupid mouth,,, but also,,,, k*ss his stupid mouth

Honestly byounggon was right

When u see The Dimple in the moment,,,, u really fall for it

The ride from then on is mostly smooth, and now ur kinda relaxed, so u just feel the breeze flying threw ur hair

U lose ur hair tie but its ok

Bc u do that everywhere

Ur sort of just enjoying the moment, and honestly it’s kinda peaceful??? U kinda like #byounggbike... now u guys are a ship... #(y/n)bike

Byounggon notices ur vibing with his bike, and it makes him smile rlly wide

At one of the stop lights, he looks at you in his peripheral vision and ur laughing and in ur own lil world

Ur so cute

He likes it so much

He starts riding again, and then just to keep u on ur toes, the boy SWERVES on the road a little bit and ur like “FUCKING STOP DOING THAT ILL KILL U”

And he’s LAUHGIGN so hard, and the laugh is deep, and it vibrates through his whole body

U feel it when ur arms are wrapped around him

and there’s this devilish look in his eyes

It’s really fucking cute

But u wont tell him that.

U guys finally arrive at The House of Byounggon, and you rush into his place bc damn... it’s cold outside! And he’s wearing a sleeveless black top AHHHHHHHHHHHH bicep palooza

U guys get warm inside!!!! And u meet his mom!!! The cutest woman in the entire world!!! And she brings you guys carrots and celery as u work

You ask more questions, and you learn about byounggon’s friends: seunghun, yedam, mashiho, hyunsuk

He shows u pics!!! Damn they’re literally all cute

Hot Squad

U tell byounggon u like to bake, so he comes up with a brilliant idea

He’s like “oh!!!! My mom’s about to make some cherry pie, make i can film u helping her out or smthh for the video”

U guys pile into the kitchen to help his mom, but she’s got the TEA!!!!! She’s like “hehe kids, i’ll be right back i need to do... something.....(y/n) knead this dough while im gone”

She YEETS tf outta there!!! And she’s nowhere to be found for a suspiciously long amount of time... hmmmm

Byounggon films u kneading the dough, but honestly, u dont know what tf ur doing

When u said u liked baking,,, u meant like...box cake

Ur playing with the dough like it’s a slime video, and byounggon is laughing his fucking head off while u just suffer

“Ur doing a rlly good job” he says with his mouth full of cherries

Ur about to tell him tf off for eating ur ingredients when ur hair falls out ur hair tie and it’s all over ur damn face

Byounggon’s like.... O shit

And ur like..... He LP

He comes to ur rescue

“What..... do i do”

U tell him to take the hair tie off the ground, and grab ur hair into a ponytail

His hands are so tentative, honestly a lil shaky, and for a brief second, he skims the skin of ur neck with his fingers

Ur body: shook

U have shivers all over and he bounces AWAY FROM U and he’s like “i- im sorry it was an accident”

Ur like... chill tf out brother... it’s cool

He comes back, ties ur hair into the ugliest side ponytail u ever saw, and u guys continue filming

“U made me look so ugly byounggon ur shady af” ur whining to him as u guys watch the clips back

Byounggon gasps!!! He’s like !!! “u did that urself!”

Then u wanted to kill him bc... did this bitch just call u ugly

U laugh and hit his shoulder!! And he’s like “nah im playing u always look cute”

IT COULD’VE BEEN AWKWARD

But u play it cool!!! And u smile at him, and he smiles at u

Then ur like

“Hey can i tell u a secret?”

“... what?”

“Honestly, ur not as bad as ppl make u seem”

He looks @ u with the stupidest smile but he knits his brows and he’s like GEE thank u (y/n), that is so kind of u!!! Ur so kind!!!

And ur like “NOOO hear me out, okay? You’re really nice, and smart, and sweet, and cute.. Ur rlly not as tough as u look....”

He’s kinda hurt, and he puffs his chest out, and kinda pouts

“Im tough.....”

U guys both just laugh

Moments like this continue for the next two weeks as you guys work on ur projects

Somehow byounggon convinces you to go bowling???

You finally go!!! and surprisingly, you beAT HIS ASS SO GOOD???~~~~ for someone that talked such mad shit about his skills,,,, ur rlly thought he’d do well

He got like.... 64 points

U got 107

He BEGGED u not to put that in the video!!!!!!!! Like so so so so badly!!! He offered to give you a ride home on #byounggbike everyday

U told him u wouldn’t put in it

And then the day of, when it popped up in front of the whole class, u were like SIKE BITCH I PUT THAT SHIT IN ANYWAYS!

He was choked up ! but dw he was ok

The whole time the video is playing, u guys are smiling at each other

Junkyu’s looking at u both with the most incredulous look on his face and he’s like... “am i interrupting something, here?”

“Shhhhhh.... Im looking at The Dimple”

“W h  a  t”

When ms johnson announces that u and byounggon had the best project, u just about pop out of ur seat, and u run ALL the way to byounggon, and u wrap ur arms around his neck, and u swing a lil bit off ur feet

He’s smiling so hard, The Dimple is #out, and the rumbling of his chest makes ur heart flutter

In that moment of excitement, u feel really bold, and u lurch forward and just plant the sweetest little kiss on byounggon’s cheek

He kinda does the :o

For a second, ur like... fuck SHIT,, i just fucked all the shit up

But then byounggon looks down at u

And he’s 4290290% heart eyes

He crouches into your ear, and he’s like, “hey can i tell u a secret?”

Ur nodding ur head like ur in a fucking trance

“I like you, (y/n)”

“I like u too, byounggon”

You guys are both smiling, junkyu’s gagging in the corner, ms johnson is loving every minute of this

U force urself on ur tippy toes, look into this sparkly eyes, and u crash ur lips onto his

His lips are soft and sweet, like strawberries

And when u pull away, he’s just as red as one too

While everyone else spends the next couple days studying for the final exam, you and byounggon are straight chillin

U guys spend ur time at the House of Byounggon, kissing the days away, and eating the carrots his mom provides for u both<333333333333

No bowling tho yikes :/// he’s scarred for life

thank u for reading and i LOVE U pls follow me im new

thank u guys for reading if u did!!!!! im a new ygtb blog <33 i plan on writing here and there, but im super dedicated rn bc there’s such little content. also, pls reach out to me, i want some friends <3 ok bye

[matronaa]

Jungkook “fuckboy?” drabble

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 1,637

Genre: Fluff/mentions of smut?

Okay look its about 1 in the morning while im writing this and i just got done literally scrolling thru @jungshookz  e n t i r e page and honestly ive been delusionally laughing over her stories for like an hour and a half like the tattooartist!jungkook fic legit killed me i love it  and i’m probably going to force my friend to check her out because legit i love it so much and she seems like such a funny person and if she sees this 1) ily and ur writing and i wanna be friends but idk how to start a conversation because im a awKwARd bEan and 2) im sorry for probably spamming ur notifications with likes okay i couldnt help it so now im inspired for the first time in a while to write but im way to loopy to put together an actual fic so enjoy this ig

Okay i should stop rambling (okay just note that im so sleep deprived that i had to google ‘words for excessive talking’ to remember the word rambling because im an idiot and i cant think and ooo its 1:11 am rn make a wish b*tches)

Okay im sorry ill begin~

A/n all of this is completely unedited and if bad grammar annoys you srry not srry

Lets talk about what fuckboy!jungkook is oki

I feel like in reality there are just a bunch of rumors about him but hes so smol and hes the quiet type so he doesnt have the energy to dismiss them

Like im sorry soft jungkook is way to good in my mind rn okay #cuddles4days im not in the mood for him to strangle me with his amazing biceps

Anyway

you never rlly met him in the 4 years of going to the same highschool as him (since you’re in those smart people classes like humanities) until senior year

You and him had the same AP Lit. class lmao english class is  l i t

Which surprised you bc of the rumors like i thought he was a badboy ?? arent those normally idiots ??

Nah my bby is a smart nugget, he just likes to look hella bf 25/8

First day of school cliche where you show up late to class and have to sit next to him because i  d i e  for those plots okay

But you dont know thats him because you’ve never seen him, so you’re confused on why most of the girls keep glaring at you

But soon enough you catch on and you’re like fml

And then the professor is like “where you are sitting is your assigned seating for the rest of the year” and you’re like f m L

He ends up introducing himself to you because i mean like table buddies

But hes really nervous because hes a cute little bean and you’re hella cute cuz lets be honest ur probably wearing like basic black leggings and a hoodie with your hood over your head to hide the bed hair you didnt feel like brushing that morning

Oh, just me? Okay…

He likes ur name because it rolls off the tongue and he thinks it suits you even tho he doesnt know you

Yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You dont really think hes a fuckboy because he seems so nice and he has the cutest lil bunny smile sEE

That is until after school u end up getting to ur locker late because u left something in one of your classes

And u see him pinning a girl against the lockers down the hall

And ur like well shit nvm

And u quickly get ur shit and go because das  a w k w a r d

But then he sees u run off and hes like awh crap i dun fucked up

A few weeks go by and u notice he barely really comes to class so u usually sit alone

On days he does come his chair seems extra close to yours and he’s basically smothering you

But u dont mind because he smells nice

And on the days he does come you get kinda excited because

1) you get a partner who doesnt expect you to do all of the work

2) this boy cute when he gets all intelligent

Ur  like “yes pls continue speaking about the essay we are writing that i have no idea is on because i kept getting lost in the sound of ur voice”

He notices when u zone out because you start staring at his lips when hes talking and he thinks its the cutest thing

One day u get assigned a week long project and ur close enough friends with jungkook to basically scold and force him to come to class all week

But only if he can force u to come to his house to work on it after school

Which you’re low key nervous of because ur going to a ‘fuckboy’s house’ by yourself

And u dont wanna do the dirty because ur a pure child haha not for long

But you agree anyway

And honestly even after the project is done (which you got an A on) you continue going over to his house because his bed is comfortable and he always has snacks

And his mom loves you

Like legit on days you dont go the next day you do she’s like “wheRE WERE YOU”

When the semester is over the professor lets you pick seats but you both enjoy each other’s company so you stay seated together.

finally ur at his house one day and ur just laying on his bed scrolling thru insta and he’s sitting on his bean bag in the corner on his phone and u look up at him and realise

Shit

You like him

Like a lot

And u mentally face palm because this was not supposed to happen

But it happened and you’re too far down the hole to climb out

Sometimes u end up napping at his house after school because his bed is more comfortable than yours and one friday night u wake up in his arms

And its like the best feeling ever

Its so warm and hes so cuddly hes like latched onto you

You stay under the warm blankets before you question when he even got in bed since he was playing video games before you fell asleep

And then his phone lights up and ofc you check it for him bc ur a nosey bitch

But not before you observed how adorable he was while he was sleeping

Nope not creepy at all

its his friend tae texting him (you didn’t really know his friends since you had different friend groups)

You check it and its smth like “stop staring at y/n while shes sleeping and reply u creep”

And you’re like w a t

So you scroll up and see that while u were sleeping jungkook went on a full rant on how cute u are and how whipped he is

And ur like holy fadoodles dis boy likes me

And so u decided to text tae like “this is y/n, does he actually like me”

Which turns into you both having a convo on how thirsty jungkook is until he wakes up

Hes like wtf r u doing and he snatches the phone and reads through your messages with tae while u like sit up to stare at him

And he’s still half asleep so it takes him to realise whats going on

“Omfg y/n i can explain-”

He starts rambling about how long he had been crushing on u and that he didn’t want to tell you because you seemed uninterested so he kept it a secret and never told anyone

And honestly he was freaking out because the onE tiMe he tells anyone that he likes you, you find out

But while he’s rambling you’re coming up with an excuse to text your mom that you’re spending the night at his house, so you just say he’s not feeling well and his parents are gone for the weekend.

Lmao she doesnt care she’s just like “lmao ik ur lying but have fun dont get pregnant”

Or Maybe thats just my mom idk

You have to shut him up by snatching his phone out of his hands and kissing him

When you pull away you’re just like “you talk too much lmao”

You explain to him that you like him too and u just get under the covers again and snuggle up next to him, and he wraps his arms around you

And you stay like that for a while before hes like “its late you should get home”

And you tell him you’re staying the night whether he likes it or not

And he is so down for that

But then you end up just spending the weekend there because why not his parents love you

And every night is just filled with cuddling, watching netflix, making out, late night snacks, etc.

Saturday night he gets a lil touchy and soon enough ur like straddling him and grinding your hips against his

But then he’s like “Ive never done this before” and you c o m b u s t

Ur like aren’t you like the school fuckboy how have you not done this

And he tells you its all just rumors and hes too lazy to set the record straight

And you basically decide to take things slow that night since it was you’re first time too and honestly it was so cute

It wasn’t really steamy rough sex it was more soft fluffy love making that is filled with giggling and exploring and appreciating each other

That was definitely the night you fell in love with him

Which is big because you thought love was gross

The next day you’re cuddling and he’s like “you know ur my gf now”

And ur like duh

You start going on cute dates after that like going to cafes or amusement parks

He loved taking you to the beach during the summer because u looked gr8 in a bikini

You found out you were going to the same college with was fantastic, so you decided to rent an apartment together nearby the campus instead of living in a dorm.

Which normally you’d be against because moving in together so quickly ?? but you felt different like this relationship was going to last

UNTIL HE CHEATED

Lmao jk gotcha bitch

My baby is too pure and innocent to cheat

Well innocent until you both get into bed and then oh lord it gets steamy

He wants to experiment with like e v e r y t h i n g and honestly you were down

But ofc you set some boundaries.

There were lines he couldn’t cross

I mean sometimes he tried but you shut that down real quick

Overall your relationship was perfect and you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend

I mean he brought you pizza rolls and dr pepper to ‘study dates’ how could you not love him.

Oml it took me over an hour to write this its like 2:30 am why am i awake anyway imma go to bed now, idk ur name jungshookz but pls write more fanfics i need more to read late at night okay gnite

[dramarising-replacement]

get madder :^)

hey yall remember that post where i gave a 1-or-2 sentence comment about each fanart that got featured in the community update? many people promptly took their panties and corkscrewed them directly up their very touchy buttholes, so i thought it'd be fun to do a follow-up :^)

>everyone who just said "lol bad post u suck ur opinion SUX"

it's my opinion lol deal w it

>it’s kinda cute how you think we would care about this / nobody cares

clearly u do bc ur mad fam!!! hahaha rekd got u!!1!

>perhaps… perhaps art is subjective and they wanted to make some community members happy by featuring them?

they couldve picked a little better was my only point

>"It’s people like this who give new artists anxiety for posting stuff online" / everything about how mean i am bc it will make newb artists feel nerbous :'(

hey guess what! it's the internet where literally everyone can see and say whatever they want. that's the risk ya fuckin take when u post online :^) waahhh

>"It’s called a personal art style"

its common knowledge by now but "its muh style" is not an excuse and yeah its subjective but also sometimes aspects of a pic are just bad

>"how does desnik only get a 5/10 lmao. Amazing shading, a super unique and difficult perspective that brings life to the whole piece? Ye nah that’s shit, apparently."

i said the shading (painting) was pretty good, and they lose points bc "bringing it to life" with a weird pose only works if the anatomy and perspective (which i specified) isnt so off that it takes away from the entire piece pretty significantly, which imo it does. also that pose isnt unique i can find u 10 pics of furries in that exact pose on like the front page of furaffinity or wherever. also i didnt say it was shit LOL

>"“this is anime uwu garbage” is not criticism OP"

fuck yeah it is, you ever been to the front page of deviantart? i assumed the implied "stop using super stylized shitty anime pics as a reference bc ur overall "style" is severely and obviously suffering for it" was kinda evident but i guess not

>"why the fuck do people get so butthurt when someone says their art is bad"

dude THANK you i mean i was expecting pretty severe backlash but i was as least expecting more creativity than literally just "bad post op" 20 times. tho i DID see enough to make this post i guess? this blog is fun but like in a painful way

> “not to be rude to the featured artists, good on them” pick a tone and stick with it

sorry man i really just do have a rude-sounding speaking (,,typing) voice and i dont mean any bad feelings towards these artists, my literal only point is that that one pic has some problems and maybe staff had some better pics to spotlight instead (and i don't even mean that for all of them. top, middle, and bottom left were all good choices and so was desnik's tbh. but i figured id ""review"" them too cuz they were there) i usually even pointed out something i liked about it? but i gotta move fast here cmon 100 character limit

>"dude… do you even know what a sketch is? because that’s in no way a sketch"

what do YOU define as a sketch? i guess the snapper one could also be lineart but its in 2 midtones (which people do when theyre "sketching" out values) and they used a messy brush so my mind went to sketch. and the coatl one looks like they did it really fast and slapped some flat colors on it. actually my point was literally that it looks like they did it fast, like a sketch rather than a lineart

>"at least put in some effort in writing a couple of sentences on each drawing on what, why, and how to improve the drawings. Seeing that some of the art is clearly from amateur artists, some words of advice would at least be helpful here."

yeah u right they definitely deserve better. but i was going fast cuz i just have an affinity for short snappy reviews i guess. like i tried to do cliffnotes, just "this part is good but this part is bad" and then a meaningless number score cuz i aint even addressing this to them, i posted it to a drama blog to complain about staff basically 

>the nocturne guy who wrote a lot

alright cool. you totally have gotten a lot better. i never meant to discourage you for drawing in the first place. incidentally i said u had potential bc u were obviously a new artist, but like u were OBVIOUSLY a new artist with a loose understanding of depth and shading and stuff, and again this is a front page spotlight yadda yadda. ill fuckin hit u with a review right now:

you clearly understand shading and anatomy way better, and that coatl actually looks pretty fuckin good. the lineart is more consistent, it's framed way better, the proportions are WAY better, and it's really clean and stylized. the shading is infinitely more convincingly shiny and reflective. from here, imo you could benefit from going further with shading (darker, more dynamic, leaving little to no flat spaces like the crest fluff and tongue), and maybe polishing the lineart a little more too, like coloring/highlighting it and really pushing/polishing the linewidth (there are tutorials for that). overall that coatl is v cute, keep on pushing poses & shading

>"i bet OPs art sucks ass"

fIT e ME IrL

anyway thanks 4 reading my fucking essay and i'm super high. if you read al lof this then shame on you

[thokage-archive]

i'll bite, what's your opinion on BAKUGOU KATSUKI

BITCH IM READY 2 GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

FIRST OF ALL……,,,,, SWEATEAL,

THATS MY SON! I WOULD D I E FOR HIM.

secondly, he is an extremely complex character & I beg all Bakugou haters to read what I’m about to write. I don’t think anyone needs to love him or kiss his ass by any means, let alone excuse his behavior towards Izuku. BUT! I beg of you to have some empathy for a fucking 15-year-old boy that has been through hell & back, is clearly emotionally stunted, obviously grew up in an emotionally manipulative, verbally abusive, and very likely, physically abusive household. 

As someone who was raised in a household like that, and as someone who was both the bully & bullied growing up, I just need you to understand how complex he is & that he is worthy of redemption!!! (after all, he is a child, he should be granted the opportunity to grow & learn from his mistakes. I don’t think people should give up on him just yet, lord knows where I would be if the people in my life had given up on me at 15). 

Deadass though…. let’s get into his fucking problems™ first because I am the last person on earth to act like he is perfect. 

#1 problem - extreme anger issues

It’s made clear from the start of the series that Bakugou expresses himself best through anger and violence, something he obviously learned from his mother. Horikoshi, in fact, has SAID that him & Mitsuki are essentially the same person. So can we all just take a fucking moment & imagine Bakugou as a parent…. imagine someone with that type of irrational & immature anger parenting a child. How tf do you think that kid is going to turn out? How does a kid being raised by a verbally abusive parent grow up?

Well!!! Luckily, this series provides us with two very good examples,

a) bakugou katsuki

while on the opposite end of the spectrum is 

 b)  todoroki shouto. 

Everyone deals with abuse in different ways, especially different types of abuse. While Bakugou is dealing with abuse by taking his anger & projecting it out, therefore reflecting his abuser, Todoroki internalizes all of his emotions & is extremely distant and at times submissive for fear of punishment.

Bakugou wards off his weakness/being punished by his mother for being weak, by expressing brute strength through his anger & aggressiveness, thinking of things such as friends and feelings (other than anger) as weak. Todoroki hides his weaknesses from Endeavor by closing off his emotions from him completely, so much so that he is emotionally/socially stunted.

In short

Bakugou’s emotionally stuntedness = lifetime of anger being his only coping mechanism/outlet & a huge failure on his parent’s part to foster any other sort of emotions 

todoroki’s emotionally stuntedness = lifetime of repressing all of his emotions from his father coupled with a lack of social interaction from peers

In both of their households….

losing = weakness

being #2 = weakness 

emotional vulnerability = weakness

all of these weaknesses = punishable by verbal & physical means

The reasons why people respond the way they do to abuse is very varied. My best guess for why Bakugou responds the way he does leads me to problem #2

#2 problem - His Huge Ass Ego/Superiority Complex

Bakugou is…. a perfectionist. Much like Momo & Iida (he is behind only them in terms of class rank) meaning not only is he a huge physical threat, but also incredibly smart & a very hard worker in all aspects of his schooling. He takes his future as a hero very very seriously, just as serious as Midoriya or Todoroki. He very clearly feels a lot of pressure from his parents & other adults in his life to do well & succeed due to the flashiness of his quirk. Even at four when his quirk manifested all people could talk about was how cool it was & how lucky he was to have it, therefore gassing him up & already inflating his 4-year-old head. 

All of the adults around him expected him to grow up and make something great of himself at only age 4, so he has quite literally been feeling that pressure for his entire life, at least as long as he can remember, which created this giant ego of his. 

(ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT ADULTS & PEERS ONLY GIVING A FUCK ABOUT BAKUGOU QUITE LITERALLY FOR HIS BODY. LIKE…. GENUINELY ONLY FINDING HIM WORTHY OF BEING A HERO BECAUSE OF HIS QUIRK BEING “COOL”. BECAUSE IF THAT DONT FUCK WITH YOU GROWING UP, WHAT DOES???)

Now his ego, in terms of how he responds to things, is why he most likely does not recognize what he is going through as abuse. And we all know that from ego, stems immense pride, and Bakugou would be far too proud to admit he was being abused IF he recognized his abuse, therefore he would not seek help for it, or vent / open up to anyone about it. But his ego is also part of the reason why he doesn’t recognize what he is going through as abuse. Admitting, even to himself, that he is abused would seem weak to him. He would have to admit he is not perfect, nor is his home life. He would have to admit that it has affected him, and he would most likely view that as a flaw or defect in his personality. He would never want to be viewed as a victim. (hint hint, how did he handle being called the “victim” of the sludge monster incident? He doesn’t want anyone pitying him or trying to save him from anything. He wants to handle things on his own & thinks of it was weakness to seek out help)

He also uses his superiority complex as a defense mechanism. For example, he overhears Todoroki talking about Endeavor with Midoriya the day of the sports festival right? And he later tells Todoroki that he doesn’t care about his home life and that he should still give it his all against him. This is because Bakugou probably realizes subconsciously that he too has been through some shit with his parents (not necessarily recognizing it as abuse, but not what all other kids go through) & yet he gives it his all. He almost says this as if to prove to himself that he hasn’t let what he has gone through affect him. He thinks it has made him stronger & that he will beat Todoroki despite his hardships, therefore proving him to be superior. When Todoroki decides to not use his flames at the last second it sends Bakugou into a rage because he believes Todoroki finds him unworthy of his full power. He thinks Todoroki is looking down on him, seeing him as weak, and just embarrassed him in front of thousands of people. (This is, by the way, the second time we see Bakugou lose it over the prospect of him not being better than his classmates).

The FIRST time we see it is when he and Midoriya fight one another on opposing teams for All might’s Class. He believes himself to be better than all of his peers & he is absolutely CRUSHED when he discovers that perhaps that isn’t so. After Midoriya fights him and wins, his spirit is broken. We see him retreat to the back of the class & silently watch as the other teams face off. 

His world is actively falling apart around him. For so long he was a big fish in a little pond. He was popular, he was powerful, he was looked up to and admired by adults and peers for his strength. He was talked up so high & told he was so special that for him to be anything other than the best was unthinkable. And yet, here was his childhood rival beating him in a test of strength and wits in front of their mentor and idol. And immediately following him was the son of the #2 hero showing his own display of brute strength & passing All Might’s test without batting an eye through the sheer power of his quirk

Bakugou is so incredibly saddened and shocked by the experience that he gives up, which is something he has never done in his entire life. Midoriya has to walk out after him once the test is over and ask him why he’s leaving, at which point Bakugou confesses, with tears in his eyes, crying, showing weakness in front of Deku, that he cannot keep up. That for once he is below someone and he cannot handle the feeling of failure that accompanies him not being number one. 

He gets over this, being motivated by both Midoriya & All Might to continue. But nonetheless, this is the first instance we see of Bakugou showing genuine fear & hopelessness for his future because he realizes he is not as great as he thinks he is. For him, there is no greater fear for him to face than for him to acknowledge the fact he is not perfect. He is flawed, there are things for him to learn and people he must learn them from and experiences he must go through before he can be number one, and that reality terrifies him. He sees it as nothing but endless opportunities for him to fail. So he determinedly puts on a brave face and screams at Midoriya and All Might that he will be number one no matter what it takes, that he will rise above everyone, even if it kills him. (Which of course it damn near does considering he is fucking kidnapped by villains impressed with his strength/power)

NOW ON TO THE ABUSE PART OF ALL THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE GENUINELY OUT THERE SAYING THIS AINT ABUSE & WRITING WHOLE ASS ESSAYS TO DISPROVE MITSUKI AS AN ABUSER  ONLY SO THEY CAN WRITE HIM OFF AS A ONE DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER/ASSHOLE TROPE

Abuse is not only physical, and to dismiss emotional/mental abuse as not “real” abuse or merely “tough love” makes you an abuse apologist, sorry not sorry. 

The feeling I get from the few interactions we’ve had with Mitsuki, and the times Bakugou has mentioned his home life, is that the abuse he faces is overwhelmingly mental/emotional. He does, however, suffer some physical abuse too, which is essentially confirmed in this new chapter, it’s just unlike the abuse Todoroki suffers from. 

Todoroki’s abuse is blatant, its beatings, starvation, intense physical regimes, etc. The abuse Bakugou suffers is far more subtle and sadly enough, far more common. The abuse he is subjected too is what most of y’alls parents probably just call “good parenting” or parenting the old fashioned way, aka when most peoples parents were shit & everyone thought it was cool to beat their kids into submission & scream at them for hours and hours over simple things. (Sadly, a product of hypermasculinity and misogyny being the overarching influences in parenting tactics, especially in households with a male head. In this case, however, Mitsuki, a woman, is the abuser. So most of y’all tryna ignore it like women can’t be abusive, or violent how men can).

Her physical abuse most likely differs drastically from Endeavors as well. Parents who genuinely believe themselves to not be abusive, but just tough on their kids because they love them or whatever, rarely hit their kids as openly as Endeavor hits Todoroki. We see her slap him on the back of the head, which in another situation & with more context, could be taken as playful, not abusive. But again, all depending on the force of the hit, the intent behind it, how often these sorts of things, occur, and if Bakugou is comfortable with it. How he responds indicates that he does not like it. Therefore she is laying her hands on him in a violent manner, obviously without consent. 

A parent or not, “disciplining” your child or not, that is wrong. And I’m more than positive it happens frequently and in different ways after the new chapter. She is most likely a believer in spanking, which do NOT even get me started on that (my parents literally used to tell me I was fucking lucky to get beat with a belt and not an electric cord), spanking is abuse and I don’t wanna fucking hear it isn’t. You shouldn’t feel the need to beat your kids in any way shape or form to get them to listen to you. She also probably digs her nails into his arm or some shit when he says something she doesn’t like in public, or just generally is rough with him when she disagrees. 

Mentally/emotionally she does not come off as the type to apologize to a child, admit she is wrong to a child, or have a rational conversation with her child rather than beating them. Again, since when has Bakugou himself ever done those things? (and according to Horikoshi, we all know he is a carbon copy of her before entering yuuei). 

Gaslighting is when the abuser places blame on a victim by making them question themselves or attributing the situation to some imaginary fault of the victim. In this instance Mitsuki blames Bakugou for his own kidnapping, calling on his supposed weakness as the source of the problem.

She not only BLAMES Bakugou for his kidnapping, calling him weak and pathetic, but does so in front of his teachers, his idols, degrading him in front of the very people he wants to impress. And for someone like Bakugou, that is probably one of the biggest hits his ego can take and it is most likely killing him inside from shame and embarrassment. 

In fact, I KNOW it is because we later see him TELL Midoriya that he blames himself for All Might’s fall. He thinks he was too weak to handle the villains and so he had to be saved (something he hates having to admit) which lead to All Might’s battle with All for One and eventual retirement as a hero. He literally takes his mothers words and internalizes them to the point of breaking & then expresses them the only way he knows how: violence, by fighting Midoriya. 

So not only do we have concrete evidence of emotionally abusing him by calling him names intended to hurt him, but also of her mentally abusing him by placing the blame on him, causing him to question himself & his capabilities/role in the situation. She makes him genuinely believe that he should have been able to do something about the traumatic experience of being kidnapped by a group of known murders…. uuuuuhhhh does that scream totally normal parent to you? She is not even remotely concerned for his safety…. only how it looks, only with how weak he is. Does that um, cough cough endeavor cough, remind you of anyone? No? Okay. 

Which back to Bakugou and Todoroki, this new chapter killed me because Todoroki is a sweetheart and he really knows what he went through was fucked up. I can see him trying to get Bakugou to understand in the future that violence is not the way to get what you want in life, no matter how small the act, hurting someone, emotionally, mentally, or physically is not how you get people to do what you want or agree with you. Even though that’s all Bakugou has ever known, he just never recognized it as morally wrong the way Todoroki did, most likely because it was much more subtle & normalized in Bakugou’s household.

That all being said…. Bakugou has made many mistakes and I’m not kidding when I say he is a carbon copy of Mitsuki. I don’t want to go so far as to call what he does to Midoriya abuse because that implies a fundamental misunderstanding of his character in my opinion, but like…. bottom line… he abuses & bullies Midoriya severely. 

Bakugou is a classic case of an abuse victim turning into an abuser. However, he is a child, unlike Mitsuki. He was raised by someone who taught him that abuse is okay and normal. He has not yet matured or been able to view life through any other lenses. His parents have failed in teaching him healthy coping mechanisms, other adult influences in his life, such as previous teachers, have never discouraged his behavior either, therefore he merely copies what he knows. So I understand him not knowing any other ways to deal with someone like Midoriya, his antithesis, and rival. 

In sociology this semester we learned about a famous poem by Dr. Dorothy Law Nolte, a family counselor & writer. The poem focuses on the ways in which children develop due to what circumstances they are raised under. It goes like this: 

(Lines bolded reminded me most of Bakugou, lines italicized reminded me most of Izuku, lines with both… reminded me of both)

If children live with criticism, They learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, They learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule, They learn to be shy.

If children live with shame, They learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, They learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient.

If children live with praise, They learn to appreciate.

If children live with acceptance, They learn to love.

If children live with approval, They learn to like themselves.

(Full poem)

I kid you not in the middle of class all I could think of was Bakugou and Midoriya and how this poem so beautifully contrasted and compared them.

Midoriya is the exact opposite of Bakugou. Where Bakugou is strong, powerful, fierce, influential, popular, admired, confident, loud & aggressive. Midoriya is weak, small, quirkless, quiet, timid, mumbling & stuttering, friendless, self-conscious, and not very vocal. They are completely different in all aspects, Midoriya represents everything Bakugou strives to not be. He is useless, weak in Bakugou’s eyes. Something he has been told his whole life to not be, and thus he does not want to associate with Midoriya. 

However, the thing that scares Bakugou most about Midoriya is how much they can relate. They were, after all, friends. Best friends as children, they had the same dreams and shared common interests. Their similarities are only on display even more so as they both get into yuuei and progress throughout the year. 

One of the most important moments in Bakugou’s life is when Midoriya reaches out to Bakugou after he falls. Midoriya the small, shy, quirkless kid, asks if Bakugou, the great, powerful, destined to be a hero kid, needs his help. As if that is something he would even want, let alone need. 

I’m sorry but no 5 year old is going to get an idea like that on his own, you can see where Mitsuki’s thinking has already taken root, whereas Inko’s teachings have taken root in Midoriya. Up until this point in time, Bakugou was content with just allowing Midoriya to tag along with him, be a follower, quirkless or not. But this instance Bakugou clearly saw as a challenge for leadership, a questioning of authority. At five years old, he is already so distrusting of the sincere intentions of those surrounding him that he makes it his mission to let Midoriya know that he is above him and will not be surpassed by someone so weak.

It just makes me so fucking sad to see how twisted Bakugou’s logic is due to Mitsuki & the constant almost coddling of his ego that adults in his life have encouraged endlessly. It really isn’t until he meets Aizawa that an adult makes an effort to change that mindset in him. And slowly but surely, along with the help of Bakugou’s probably first real genuine friends that he views as equals and not just tagalongs, he is beginning to change his thinking & learn from his mistakes. Kirishima, Sero, Kaminari, and Ashido are all a wonderful influence on him and I genuinely think with their advice & trust he will be able to change his ways in the future, along with the guidance of All Might and Aizawa. 

And let’s not forget Midoriya, he needs to apologize to him, sincerely, and because he wants to, not because he is pressured into it by anyone. I have high hopes for him and his future relationship with Midoriya, but I don’t think it’ll be possible for them to be best friends again. I just hope Bakugou can realize that he was wrong for treating Midoriya the way he did when they were growing up and can put aside his ego for five minutes to correct his wrongs as best he can. I’m sure it will be in the far far future though because he still has a lot of growing and learning to do. No one is going to just be able to put aside an almost decade-long hatred for someone & admit they were in the wrong, over the course of a year. But still… I have hopes.

All in all, I really really love Bakugou. I have some extremely parental feelings towards him having seen all the shit he has gone through & the many failings he has endured from the adults surrounding him. I just want for him to embrace his friends and place at yuuei and change his behaviors so that he can be easier on himself & others. He deserves to feel that sort of peace.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Bakugou Katsuki is deserving of love, friends, second chances, and a shot at redemption. 

[hamphobicbasil]

Thoughts on Byakuya!

me, in tears: finally,

i am so sorry this took like, 3 days to write. i wanted to get my point across on how i exactly feel about this character in general

TD;LR: byakuya togami isnt a perfect saint, and probably will never be, but i find him to be an interesting character to analyze, and his character development should be appreciated a bit more than it seems to be.

and uh, its not like, perfect in captialization and stuff but look its late and i dont really mind rn

i remember my first thoughts on him when i played the first game were really negative. admittedly, i hated him when i played the game two years ago, hell my friend told me that apparently i even said something along the lines of “ew rich boy” 

but after kinda dropping danganronpa then coming back around and re-analyzing it all? i find byakuya to be one of my favorite characters. and it’s mostly because of his logical, analytical, and generally intelligent personality. that and the development he went through, but that’s for later.

personally, i can’t stand characters who are constantly letting their emotion’s guide their actions. i understand that character’s at time are going to have a weak moment that allows their emotions to judge the situation, that’s understandable and a good way to develop a character! but for all the time? i find it kinda annoying. not to say i hate those type of characters, i just dont really care for them i guess. whereas, obviously, byakuya is the opposite. he’s very logical during trials and investigations and mostly a big help to naegi along the way, whether or not he would allow himself to be considered a “helping person” in any sense but thats not the point right now. hell, during the 5th trial when hagakure had his “KYOKO’S A FUCKING G H O S T” moment i was practically banging my head into the table as byakuya was just “????? how are you this stupid?? how did you pass grade preschool??” (i know those arent the exact words or anything but i exaggerate for humor. even tho that probably didnt come off as humorous but anyways) and during other trials as well, he’s very blunt when it comes to conclusions and honestly? that’s needed in the situation they were all in. 

now yeah, that blunt sense of logic does backfire, main example being the 4th trial. but its the fact that every other situation that needed it, he provided it. and dont worry, im not forgetting kyoko’s logic in those situations, i appreciate her as well but it’s byakuya time. this goes the same for makoto, although he can have his moments of allowing his emotions to take his judgement’s control, it works for him in the end as development and that’s just who he is. 

the fact that he is logical and can keep his composure in most stressful situations is a big factor on what i appreciate about his character. although you could argue that this can make a character “weak” in the way it makes them seem less human, but for byakuya i think it works, especially keeping in mind his history and how that’s affected him. 

now i also wanna talk abt his history real quick: because i’ll be honest i enjoy diving into his situation and trying to figure out how exactly that affected him in the long run. 

so there’s the obvious factors: he was (probably forced) into a competition against his 14 other siblings, (whether or not he actually had an attachment to them before hand is up to you, but i personally like to think that he may have not exactly liked the idea of fighting his siblings to keep his title, but hey, thats just me, and i really read too much into things that dont need it) and he came out on top, which resulted in him gaining his superiority complex. but i like considering the tolls that took on him as an emotional result. because come on, byakuya hasn’t always been the emotionally withdrawn person we see him to be, i dont think that would be, in a realistic sense, humanly possible. 

i like really considering his background and how it all shaped him. i commonly wonder a lot of things regarding his family, seeing as its a major part of him. did he have to leave his mother to participate in the fight for his family name? did he even know his mother at all, or because of the way the togami family works, has he never known the concept of having a motherly figure in his life? did he know his siblings well before having to fight them in the competition, if so, how do you think he would have felt on initially exiling them from the family because he won? sure, its possible that he never knew his other siblings, which just made his success easier, but i have no clue on such things so, ya know. 

but that’s enough on his history and background. i could go on for hours about all the ways it could have affected him and his current mindset, but thats for another day. >:3c maybe idk tho

then there’s all the growth he’s gone through. tbh if he would have stayed the same as he was back in the first game i would probably hate him, but its also because of all the character development he’s went through that really makes me appreciate him. sure, in comparison to other characters its not a lot, but its the fact that he has changed from that snarky, lying, bastard from the first game into a less snarky, lying, bastard that he is now that really makes me like his character. 

i love the fact that by the end of the first game, he’s learn to appreciate the people around him and the relationships he has with them, i love how he grows and allows himself to care for these people by ultra despair girls and such. 

the fact that he was developed and grew up is what really makes me like him, that he’s grown to have what could be considered a protective sense over these people he went through something hellish with. 

and sure, he’s not a saint, i’m aware of that. i know that he could be a lot nicer than he is now, but in the long run and comparison to how he started, i’d say its a considerable leap. and dont worry, im not going to excuse his actions in the first game, or just his mistakes in general. ignoring all of that and even going as far to try and excuse it kinda just?? doesnt feel right if that makes sense. 

he’s a cruel dark hero, and that should be acknowledged when it comes to his character, but that isnt to say to ignore the growth he’s gone through.

anyways, im gonna end it here because this took me several days to put together and 2 rewrites to finish. i am so sorry anon, you probably wanted a super short answer with something like “yeah he’s cool i guess” and you got an essay. i am so sorry. 

[lastsonlost]

Because staying a victim and hiding behind the block button is way more important than actually TRYING TO UPLIFT YOURSELF. i’M GOING TO THIS AGAIN.

@elfyourmother

Read the shit out of this. And then read it again. He goes a lot deeper than hair.

sourcedumal

I love this article. He truly goes in. And if course white folks are telling him “make your own then” like he has fucking access to all that shit that major companies have…

How about gaming companies actually start programs in black and Latino communities so we can get more of us in?

But that would be too much like right…

@elfyourmother

the truly hysterical thing is that he actually gets into the whole “make your own” argument in the actual essay. they just don’t want to hear him.

bunabi

mmmhm they really honestly dont wanna hear him

@elfyourmother

#ppl that say that also overlook the fact that white developers want to hire their friends aka people that look and think like them#networking is huge with breaking into the industry and they dont wanna sit with someone ‘militant’ or ‘difficult’ or ‘controversial’#its not even a secret#white developers hold the power and maintain the status quo and defend it readily#yet the handful of non-white staff is supposed to change their minds#lmao

bunabi

I’m sayin tho.

Non-white artists/developers/programmers/designers have a hard enough time getting hired but can also risk their jobs by making waves and being confrontational.

This aint some cute fantasy land where your coworkers suddenly learn a life lesson after bringing you on. They hire you because you’re a good fit and hit it off with them. Talent factors in, but they do care if you’re a team player. And if you’re not, it can get around and will absolutely affect future opportunities, if not completely sever some valuable connections and resources.

It’s not a damn game out here ! honestly !

@elfyourmother

real talk. and like, a lot of industries are like that. it’s not necessarily just a video game thing. ain’t a poc working in corporate america who hasn’t had to navigate this shit on some level or another

it’s just that much more pronounced in creative fields in general. major content producers whether the medium is video games, comics, movies, whatever generally don’t want to take risks, they want to go with what’s safe, they don’t want to rock the boat too much. and being a team player means keeping your head down and doing what you’re told and not challenging shit too hard. you don’t want to be labelled a “troublemaker” or “difficult”. look at that fuckery that went down on Project Greenlight with even the mildest most common sense pushback.

bagged-a-bazooka Deactivated

>Kotaku

Also, did this guy seem to ignore the games that do feature black leads and black stories? Shadowman, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (Arguably one of the best black American narratives in video games imo), Minerva’s Den, two characters from The Walking Dead, etc etc etc

And yeah, the “Make your own” is fiesable; considering we’ve had a large surge of indie games made by small teams (Even one person) such as Hotline Miami, Undertale, Shovel Knight, Binding of Isaac. There’s literally no excuse and the argument of “Oh, I CAN’T make my own character because the MAN is keeping me down!” is such fucking baloney

There is literally nothing stopping you from making your own game except yourself

eidolous Deactivated

This essay is excerpted from The State of Play, an upcoming collection of writing on video game culture that comes out on October 20.]

< MY BLACK ASS

god give me strength!!!

What part of being black is suppose to be easy? Oh WE can talk about about how great “WE ARE” until WE gotta put in some work. Then you give up with out even trying and call it a mic drop?   I don’t want to win the argument that my dreams are impossible because I’m black.

Every other comment is we can’t do it, we can never do, it will never done.

I’ve never in my life seen my beautiful brilliant young black kids with so much energy to speak their minds at the same time sound so defeated. Where did the attitude go? Yea I know everyone’s gonna find that attitude in order to drag and call me out but not to put your muscle in your hustle.

IF you don’t want just a job all your life you have to hustle and BECAUSE WE ARE BLACK WE HAVE TO HUSTLE HARDER!!  When has waiting for shit to go our way ever work out for us? Do you see people waiting for change or marching in the street for it.

@bagged-a- a-bazooka has a point. fuck the big guys. Indie projects can still look and play big even on a budget. build a team and make it your own.  look up black crowdfunding* build your portfolio * do small jobs * hunt for grants and inventors  

Fuck this just screaming for representation. Stop being afraid to represent yourselves. DON’T YOU BELIEVE YOU MATTER? Do you think I’m just say this shit for me?

Personally I don’t believe there’s anyone fit to tell my story but me.  But seeing everyone so quick to say we can makes me so mad at myself for taking too long with my own work. I will not prove them right when that say it can’t do done. My entire life was I can’t do it, stop dreaming, be realistic.  I even found my self dating my biggest hatter. NO MORE OF THAT

I’m too far into my young life to turn back and give up. I know we have an uphill battle. I know the uphill is as tall as a sky crapper.  but I would sooner fall from the struggle then rot in a dead end life because I was too much of a pussy to stand up for my dream.

bluez-cluuz

Black crowdfund with black twitter to make your black game everyone!

lastsonlost

Hay it’s worth a try if you want it bad enough. Just saying.

the good @reasonandempathy

the truly hysterical thing is that he actually gets into the whole “make your own” argument in the actual essay. they just don’t want to hear him.

No.  He didn’t.  He really, really didn’t.

He referenced the argument.  Then he said “Louis C.K. destroyed this by reminding everyone slavery wasn’t that long ago.” followed by “institutional racism is a thing”.

Nevermind the fact that the most beloved new IPs come from indie developers working on their first (few) games.  

Stardew Valley, Enter the Gungeon, Darkest Dungeon, Oxenfree, Aragami, Pony Island, Seasons After Fall, Diluvion, Deadbolt, Necropolis all came out in 2016 alone.  Nevermind how many huge IPs were created by Indie developers the past few years (CD Projekt Red as an example).

Shovel Knight, Banner Saga, Minecraft…the list of massive indie hits over the past few years is extensive.  Even Zoe Quinn has made an indie game alone.

This is the period of time in which “make your own” is more valid than at any point in history.  The video game market is going to reach $110b next year.  Mobile gaming is going to hit $29b, which is dominated by indie games (and reskins of indie games).

Make your own things.  It’s easier to do now than ever before and you can get rich doing it, too. Sounds like a win-win-win.

Unless you’re just not really interested.

lastsonlost 

  That’s all I was trying say. JUST GET OUT THERE AND TRY. You can legitimately get ahold of game developing tools on the cheap.

I can understand it scared to take a chance but regretting the chance you didn’t take it’s worse.

but it must be easier to hide behind the block button.